CRUCIFIXION By STANLEY KIMMEL Author of *'the strange voyage/' etc. NEW YORK GOTHIC PUBLISHING COMPANY 176 SECOND AVENUE 1922 Copyright 1919 OVERLAND MONTHLY Copyriflrht 1922 STANLEY KIMMEL 0)CU659077 / have been with more dead than living. CRUCIFIXION ■nr" 0-Day it is very calm. We are silenly plowing along. Our steamer is a good one, considering everything, with a captain who never leaves the bridge for a minute. All is ready for an emergency in case there should be one. The cab- ins are suffocating and most of us sleep on the upper deck. The people in the steerage have a merry time every day, singing and danc- ing. Here, in the midst of a great danger, they are happy and free from worry while those who are about me seem unable to hide their thoughts and anxieties. At night the passengers walk a great deal on the decks if they cannot rest and their nervousness keeps everyone awake. It is weird. The darkness takes CRUCIFIXION everything from sigkt until an object looms up like a monster when one comes too near. We are always falling over each other or tripping on the chairs about the decks. In such an atmosphere as this one forgets that one is alive. The steamer glides through the night with an uncanny swishing sound. It is packed with human flesh and defies everything. Three steamers have passed on their way to America. America .... We ran into a storm yesterday. The sea is still very rough and foggy. The fogs are a great help and lessen the danger. No one is sick. There is too much excitement for any one to think of that. Last night, after we had gone to rest in the deck chairs, people came running over to the starboard side. A great black blot passed us. Part of a convoy of 10 CRUCIFIXION English battleships, we were told. A hid- eous thing, like an apparition. A monstrosity for the destruction or sub- jugation of you, no matter who you may be, if you should dare defy it. The flag which it flies does not matter. It is the thing itself that matters. From the drawing room window I can see the gunners pacing round the gun turrets. Yes, they are doing that for my protection, but why? It is because there are other gunners and gun turrets. Have these men a personal grudge a- gainst one another? Ask Jean why he is fighting. Will he answer you? Perhaps. Our steamer has taken a different route from the one we were following a few days ago. The life-boats are just above the water, ready for immediate use. We are not allowed to have a light of any kind on the decks at night. Every- thing is dark. 11 CRUCIFIXION Bay of Biscay. Various remains of a steamer pass us. The sea is full of boards and other float- ing debris. No human beings have been seen and there is not much chance of their having survived. We are compelled to keep our life- belts on until we reach the mouth of the River Gironde. An alarm has just been sounded. Everyone ran out on the deck. I can see nothing from the windows. If I could what good would it do? The ship will be sunk just the same, and there will be plenty of time to get off when the alarm to abandon the vessel is given. The ship is taking a zig-zag course. A gentleman who was sitting next to me has returned, seemingly unconcerned. He has continued reading his paper as though nothing was going on. We are alone. 12 CRUCIFIXION Evidently it is over. They will come back into the room now and bring their scared faces with them. What could really happen to any of us? It is amusing, in spite of all. If the steamer should go down it would mean very little. I am sure it would be a blessing to many who perhaps fear it. The water would run into our eyes and ears, it would rush into our nostrils, but only for a moment. A vain effort, a cry, and then . . . nothing! I find myself wishing the thing would happen. I am sick of the sights on the Water, and this is trivial to what will come later. I suppose, though, that if the steamer did go down I would fight for life like the others. If I were saved — ^and there is not a doubt about it— the whole thing would still be in front of me. The deck steward has just told me we must wait at the mouth of the river for 13 CRUCIFIXION full tide. We shall not reach Bordeaux until six p.m. tomorrow. It will be too late for the day train to Paris. This will necessitate remaining over night and continuing our journey next morn- ing. We are becoming accustomed to being in our clothes two or three days at a time, and do not mind it so much. It is little wonder these people are so frightened. The sea is very calm and clear. One can see miles away to the horizon. I imagine it would be a pretty picture through a periscope. We are anchored off the coast of France until noon. This is a bright sunny morning, and the coast is lined with villages, which can be seen very plainly. The quaint red-tiled roofs bob up here and there among the green hills. It is all peaceful and quiet. We can rest now, for we are safe. u CRUCIFIXION There are many small fishing-boats near us. Most of them are red or green, a few yellow, and half-a-dozen blue. What a sight it is! They fill the bay with color. In the distance can be seen the top- mast of a steamer which was sunk at the beginning of the war. They have never raised it and I understand do not intend to do so. It is a monument and serves its purpose. There are also captive balloons all along the coast, and an aeroplane passes now and then, coming in or going out on patrol duty. Near Bordeaux we saw some of the prison camps. The prisoners seem to be treated very well. They all stopped working when we passed and made use of all the English they knew in calling to U8. About the only expression one 15 CRUCIFIXION could understand was, ^^Hello, how are you?'' Paris. Our quarters are in an old chateau which was once the home of an Amer- ican. Coming from Bordeaux we were told that all the cafes in Paris close at nine- thirty, and that it would he impossible to get anything to eat after we arrived there. But we were able to get into the kitchen of an English restaurant, and the owner gave us a light lunch, for which he charged excessively. It does not take long to understand the Frenchman's idea, either. We soon found he was charging us exorbitant prices. The streets are very dark, but they are filled with women and girls. The Allies are also well represented along the bou- 16 CRUCIFIXION levards. So far as morals are concerned I haven't as yet discovered any. It seems to be a wide-open shop where you buy what you please. We have been on duty for three nights. The wounded are arriving by the train-loads. They are brought in after dark, so that the public will not see or hear them while they are being un- loaded and rushed to the hospitals. It is a dreadful sight. The men moan and groan continually. Sometimes they cry out and occasionally one goes insane. What is all this suffering for? How can one enjoy the fruits of so much misery? It is better to be a part of it and die. Look at the man lying so still on the cot. His blood-soaked leg is more like a shriveled rag. The flesh is there, a chunk of raw meat. He is so weak he cannot move. I am told it is not his 17 CRUCIFIXION leg which gives him so much pain, but the left shoulder, which has been partly shot away. The blanket is over the wound, and hence I did not see it. How is it possible to be in such a con- dition and live? What would the men who have been able to profit by this war think if they were bending over this man, or rather let me ask what would he think? Each generation sees this same pitiful condition, and yet we continue. Must it go on for ever? No one is permitted to remain here unless connected in some way with the war. There is no sightseeing. Every- thing is closed. The condition of the poor is tragic. There are many ref- ugees without food or shelter. Their homes are still in "No-Man's Land," and many have lost all they ever possessed. 18 CRUCIFIXION Those who were lucky enough to be in the rear managed to take some things with them in the first retreat of the battle of the Marne, but it was not much, and as a whole they are helpless. The surroundings seem to be well fortified, and I think the French people do not fear that the Germans will get into Paris. There is an aeroplane pa- trol constantly. We have not had a raid for about four weeks, and as it has been very clear the last few nights one is ex- pected at any time. A card is necessary in order to pur- chase specified foods and fuel. The prices are very high. Poor people cannot get what they really need. How do they expect to exist through the coming win- ter months? If something is not done for them I am afraid there will be se- rious riots. It is the poor people who bear the 19 CRUCIFIXION world's burden, whether in peace or war. "/n pricipatu commutando soepius Nil Prceter domini nomen mutant pauper es.^' We have been very busy again and had little sleep this week. The Ger- mans have attempted an air raid every evening during the last five days, and I suppose it will be the same thing to- night. They do only a small amount of destruction so far as I am able to find out, and as yet no one has been killed. It is believed they are trying it out and that a grand fleet of machines may appear any evening. They usually come just at dark. An auto rushes about the Paris streets blowing a siren. Everyone finds cover as soon as pos- sible and remains in the cave until the ''all clear" signal is blown. On the walls of the house are posted large fig- 20 CRUCIFIXION ures stating how many people the cave will hold. During the raid the lights are extinguished all over the city and it remains in complete darkness until the thing is over. Evidently a big battle is raging along the front somewhere (near Verdun. When there is a general rush the trains arrive at all hours of the day and night. It is close in the cars and the men are very uncomfortable. Everything smells of medicine. We work at the receiving- station, where the wounded are num- bered and divided among the hospitals before being sent to their destinations. Our orders have been received for the front, and everyone will be glad to get away. The rains have come on a- gain and it is very gloomy in Paris. We have a sign at headquarters which reads: 21 CRUCIFIXION *'Don't waste one iniimte. In that time six men are killed at the front." Six men a minute ! There is only one way to stop war, and that is to put an end to the factions which favor it. The section will be attached to a French regiment and will likely be in the Verdun sector most or all of the time during the j&rst three months. We shall then be on repos for ten days. Three months! It sounds like an eternity. If we live through the first three months it will be three more ad in- finitum. When will it ever end? If it is not over soon we shall have to tear up the map. I donH know but what it would be a good plan anyway. The British are looming up here and there on the front, and many think they 22 CRUCIFIXION would like to end it before the United States has had much to do with it. I donH think the Americans have any fear of that, at least not those who are here. I have taken a small room in the Latin Quarter in order to get away from the chateau and drill-grounds when permis- sion is given. We are not on duty now and are simply standing by, awaiting or- ders. This gives us many free hours. We only have to report twice a day and do some guard duty now and then. The sirens are sounding in the streets. An air raid is on. The lights went out and the concierge came in with a candle, begging me to go below witli the rest of the occu- pants. By the time I reachetl the cave it was pretty well filled, not only with the people from the house, but also 23 CRUCIFIXION those who were passing along the streets and had to find shelter. It was cer- tainly a cosmopolitan crowd. The cave in this establishment seemed to be very large; about three or four rooms. One woman was hysterical. She had three small children, who cried all the time. There was an old man who protested continually against air raids. He would shout and throw his hands into the air, clenching his fists and daring the Germans to come down. Some of the younger women smiled at the poor old man. A group of girls came in, followed by two soldiers. They made so much noise talking and laughing that everyone re- mained silent for a few minutes, watch- ing them. The soldiers and one of the girls went into another room. In a short time one of the men returned. The ''all clear" signal was heard and 24 CRUCIFIXION the forms filed out of the cave. It was necessary for the soldier and the group of girls to wait for the couple. Bovert has just come in. He was underground near here during the raid. He tells me one of the bombs dropped close by the station where we were on duty last week. No one was killed, but several were injured; some women who were trying to reach one of the caves. They were working on the tramway. Why do nations stoop to such things? What is the ultimate gain of a victory won in this manner? To-morrow we leave for the front. Of course there is not any gloom about it. Bovert and I shall go out and have a good time. The boulevards will be filled with people for it is very clear and 25 CRUCIFIXION the stars are out. We shall find Antoi- nette and Helene and go for a ride in the Bois^ then to the Folies Bergeres. At times this whole affair seems most humorous,-a kettle full of little boiling people. The cars are ready. It is less than an hour now, but there is nothing to do; only sit here and wait for the order. As yet no one has been told where the sec- tion is going. After leaving Paris we shall know the approximate front by the direction taken. Antoinette arrived just as the cars were moving into line. Her father was killed early this morning in the muni< tions factory. She gave me a small package, but I shall not open it until to-night. 26 CRUCIFIXION As we passed through the gates I caught a glimpse of Antoinette. Her face was buried in a small blue hand- kerchief. A young woman went over to her and put her arms about the trembl- ing shoulders. The scene swirled be- fore me. The car lurched forward. On each side white stucco walls fronting the street flowed endlessly. We are having lunch at Meaux. The country is wonderful and the village quite unique. The old mills and water- ways remind one of "Le Pont de Mantes" of Corot. The roads are excellent and well kept, with poplar trees on each side. Birds are singing in them and the sun is shin- ing. Everything is peaceful and quiet. We do not see many young men. The women and old men work in the fields and the children do what they can to help. 27 CRUCIFIXION Chalons-sur-Marne. It is raining; so we need not be expect- ing air-raids any time of the night. I have opened Antoinette's package and found a scapular with a note enclosed: Mon Bienaime: Le jour oii nous nous sommes rencontres, le soleil brillant jetait de Vor sur toutes choses, et Vatmos' phere etait saturee de silencieuse musique / . . . . Le monde ne me parut jamais aussi merveilleux ni si pres du del ou mes reves d^enfant reposent, Tu etais la fleur de ma vie et j'*ai prie que tu puisses tou' jours rester aupres de moi. . . Mais la nuit vint, Mon pere . . . . O Dieu ! , , . , Et maintenant toi aussi tu dois partir .... Seulement la nuit et la solitude restent. La crainte que fai pour ta surete et ton bieu'Stre embrume mes yeux 28 CRUCIFIXION de larmes .... Quelques jours eiu core et les roses qui emplis' sent ma chambre de leur parfum si doux, vont se faner et leurs pe- tales joncheront le tapis .... Les rideaux seront tires et seulement des ombres inconnues danseront sur les riches dessins de denteU les, Mais m,on cceur sombrero dans ce reve de toi jusqu^au jour quand ton baiser le fera revivre a VA» mour .... Adieu ! Adieu ! Somewhere in France. The cannonading is terrific. One of the lorries caught fire this morning and two of the men were badly burned. It was only through their courage that the entire section was saved. Many barrels of gasoline and oil were near the cars. The two men pushed the burning car 29 CRUCIFIXION into the open and prevented what might have been a disaster. We left Bar-le-Duc about four-thirty p.m. after seeing our first air battle* The Germans were coming over for a raid, when they met a French delegation lurking about the sky. It was an interest- ing affair for those on the ground. One fellow went down in flames. There are many evidences of German air raids in Bar-le-Duc. The hotel where we ate our lunch had the upper rooms shattered by bombs the night before. One street was impassable, and we saw large holes in several housetops. Just beyond us is the outline of what was once a very famous cathedral town. I hope we shall have a chance to get in there to-morrow, but no one seems to know whether the Germans or French are holding it. From where we are it looks as though 30 CRUCIFIXION there was a Fourth of July celebration going on. As far as we can see there are flashes of fire, and the guns continue to roar. Six men a minute! Think of that ! Again I am asking myself, what for? All this waste of time, energy and life ! Could not they have been expended in helping an already bleeding world? Think of the institutions for education which could have been built, and the needs of the poor exterminated, by these vast sums spent in the destruction of life and property! Shall we gain any- thing by it? Will the people of the world be better because of all this suflfering? Will it help them in any way, Germany included? When the time for settlement comes will it be for those who have risked their lives, those who have gone through days and nights of horror, or a settlement of those who remained in 31 CRUCIFIXION the rear out of danger and who will have the power at any future time to plunge men again into a misery of which they know nothing? Will the greed of the victorious nations rise up in arms against one another? We shall see. Our first mail has just been received. What a treat to get letters from America away out here in this bloody part of the world! Loads of supplies and soldiers pass us. They are going up to the line, and have to enter the trenches under cover of darkness. They do not look very happy. Before I left the States I was told how joyous the men were to be of serv- ice and how they went up to the front laughing and singing. I was told they came back in the same way, no matter how many times they had been on the front before. I was fooled. They do 33 CRUCIFIXION not. These men have all the suffering and sadness of Christ in their eyes. They are tired and worn with the never- ending months of fighting. They have heen lowered to the existence of wolves. iVo, war is not a glorious thing with them ! We are on the front. The first-line trenches are only a few yards away. This ahris (dugout) is the first-aid sta- tion for the wounded. Our quarters are back a mile in the forest. It is rain- ing and the mud is sticky and hard to get through. B overt and I Were given an order to come up here after a priest and his aide. There is a heavy bom- bardment and we shall have to wait until it is over somewhat before they will let us go on. I can hear the men in the room next to us groaning and moaning. A section 33: CRUCIFIXION is working here, and we shall not have to go on duty for a day or so, not until we are acquainted with the roads and the surroundings. This dugout is quite large. I have noticed four large rooms beside this small one belonging to the priest. Along the walls of the rooms are bunks. The wounded are all placed in the large center space, which was perhaps the orig- inal cellar of the chateau. Nothing is left of the building but the foundation, and that has been blown away in parts. I went into the other room and found it rapidly filling with wounded. There were a few Germans ^mong those brought in. They had been placed along the sides, away from the French. I had to be careful in stepping about not to trample on them. These men are lying side by side after u CRUCIFIXION their vain endeavor to kill each other with the implements which civilization has given them. Their energies have been spent and now they are reduced to dependency on other men whom they do not know. Is k not ridiculous? Yesterday the section was taken over the territory in which we are to serve. It is a hotbed of machine guns and muni- tions pits. We had a narrow escape in one part of the forest. As we turned into the road leading to our quarters several tons of earth went up into the air just ahead of us. The hole was so large we had to return by a different route, which kept the men in the region an hour longer. We are becoming accustomed to things. There is a scarcity of water. We have a light wine to drink which is 35 CRUCIFIXION called "penard," and it is a poor sub- stitute. The war-bread on the front is even worse than that in Paris. It is green and soggy. Our meals are all of one kind — meat stew. I do not know where the meat comes from and I hope no one will tell me. The roads are filled with camions (trucks) , munitions wagons, guns of all descriptions and pack-mules. One of the cars ran into a shell-hole last night and caused a great deal of trouble. The mechanics had to go up and help with it. One of them pulled on the lights instead of the self-starter. In a few minutes the Germans were send- ing over some souvenirs. The car was blown to pieces. They were lucky to get away with their lives. Bovert and myself are in a dugout waiting for a bombardment to let up. 36 CRUCIFIXION We are on our way to the communication trench. This is a lively section of the front and keeps us busy. The roads are almost impassable at times. It rains all the day and night. The mud is knee- deep and wheel-deep in most places. We have not had an opportunity to remove our clothing since arriving in this sector, and shall not be able to do so until we get back to our quarters. For some unknown reason our gas- oline is very poor. It is endangering the ambulances and also the lives of the men. We had to stop in the forest with a load of wounded and remove them into an ahru The car would not pull the load through the mud. Someone is evidently making money out of this diluted or low grade stuff. Much depends on our having a super- quality. There can be men and sup- plies enough to conquer the world, but 37 CRUCIFIXION if the transportation breaks down we are lost. I wonder if these men who are in th© rear ever think of such things. Do they stop to reason that if they do not furnish the army with the best material possible in every particular there might be a col- lapse at any time and the enemy make short work of their possessions? As a protection to themselves I should think they would carefully see to it that th© men on the front were supplied with the best, so that they might stem the tide and save those in the rear. Above all, do they ever stop to think of the lives of the men? Six men a min« ute ! Can you imagine what a man goes through when he is out here in the mud and the rain with the raw end of a leg stuck in the dirt and blood running from his mouth after the gas has caught him? 38 CRUCIFIXION God ! Can't they have warm shoes and clothing and enough to eat? Can't they have the medical supplies which are needed to alleviate their suffering? Can't they have the necessary means of trans- portation, so that their lives may be saved in rushing them back to the hos- pitals? The Germans have been flying over this part of the front a great deal to-day. They come over in droves, and we have had a half-dozen air battles this after- noon. Only one enemy plane was brought down, and he fell behind his own lines. The French are becoming active; soon there will be a battle royal. The enemy will not be so lively in an hour or so. There are many captive balloons in this part of the sector. 39 CRUCIFIXION It has been necessary to take cover. An old house in which the section was quartered had the roof blown off just before we sat down to eat. There are only fourteen men here, and lucky no one was hurt; they were all outside the build- ing. The food is brought to us from the other side of the road, where the * 'kitchen" is underground. We live the life of rats. A few bat- tered chairs stick up out of the mud. The men are sitting around the light, eating "chow." I don't think anyone is very hungry, although they were all swearing at the cook for not having the stew hot when we came in. If he had, we should be without food, for the stuff would have gone with the roof. The cook is a Frenchman and appar- ently does not care sometimes whether the men eat or not. I understand he was taken out of jail in Paris and sent out 40 CRUCIFIXION with this section. Some evenings he gets very drunk and tells us what he did at the battle of the Marne. He has never been nearer the front than this post. I suppose he is attached to our section be- cause he speaks English. The bombarding let up and I went to see what was left of the place. When I came out of the dugout I saw the parts of two men a few steps from the road. They were evidently hurrying for this abri when killed. There were only a blotch of blood and dangling arms and legs. Their faces had been honeycombed by shrapnel. In order to reach the communication- trench from here one must pass over a road in full view of the German lines for one mile. The road runs along the side of a hill overlooking the valley and territory held by the enemy. The cars 41 CRUCIFIXION bump along one at a time. If a group went up together they would probably be fired upon. A section of Fords was destroyed on this road a few weeks be- fore we arrived. There are many un- exploded shells on it and we have to drive around them. Often they are covered with mud or water. It is nec- essary to drive carefully, for they might be alive. Many Germans have come over to our lines to-day. One group brought the mail of another which came over yesterday. They look worn and tired, but I cannot see that there is an alarming amount of old or very young among them, such as we were told in the States. Some grum- ble about everything and others say that they have been well taken care of and provided for and there is no danger of a German collapse. One cannot judge by what these prisoners say. 42 CRUCIFIXION We tave just heard of the Italian victory on one part of their front. The Frenchmen filled the hasket of a toy balloon with papers telling about the Italian offensive. These balloons carry the news over the lines to the Germans. A letter from Antoinette just as we were starting up to the post. Letters are wonderful things. They make us dream of the past and put a new life into the future. The many mornings we have strolled through the Bois, under the great tall trees which swayed so softly that neither of us could speak ! Ah, such a morning as compared with this! The clouds are low. They bend down to the tops of the poplars and kiss them, lingering as if to say, "We shall never kiss you again, for to-morrow you will lie crumbled on the Earth.'' 43 CRUCIFIXION Tu dis que tu es tres triste .... Pauvre cherie^ si seuletnent je pou- vais etre avec toi . , , . Quand je pense qu^il ne me sera pas possible de te revoir avant trois longs mois / . . . . Mon cceur se hrise et les heures passent comme des cau' chemars. Si la fin doit etre ici^ je la desire rapidement .... Cette rie, cette torture, c^est terrible ! Oui je me suis accoutume a vos fagons de vivre en general, mais pas a cette affreuse solitude qui semble ronger mon coeur et em- porter mon dme dans une sphere inconnu. Et le savoir qu^en queU que lieu je puiss etre, tu n^accour' ras pas te jeter follement dans mes bras pour me demander d^ecraser tes cheres levres sous mes baisers. Le mouchoir est arrive a bon port * ... II est si delicieusement M CRUCIFIXION parfume, mon Antoinette^ . . . • e« juste comme toi ! Je ne puis Ven dire d^avantage* 11 y a tant de souffrances autour de moL The French ofifensive is still raging. The noise is deafening. Every gun for miles around is pouring steel into the Hun. The earth trembles and there is a continual roar. We have not been able to get a rest, and the men are about dead from fatigue. They work too hard and do not look after themselves. To go back and forth over these roads under ehell-fire without sleep for hours at a time, and be put to physical tests in clearing up a place or carrying the men over stretches of the roads where the ambulances cannot pass, is enough to take the life out of anyone. The night before the attack was lively. *5 CRUCIFIXION No one slept in the little towns leading up to the front. The men were brought to the Bois in trucks. From there they marched to the lines. We left about one a,m. The Frenchmen stormed the hill at four o'clock that morning. B overt and I had to have three different cars during the first twenty-four hours of the slaughter. They would get too hot. This life cannot be described. The voices of the men are pitiful against the roar of the guns. It makes one's head swim. We met a group of Germans running along the road with their hands high in the air yelling, "Kamerad! Kamerad!" They were still under shell fire. Later we found them at one of the cages for prisoners. They had given themselves up and were thankful to be out of the fight. One of the prisoners told a Frenchmen he was glad to be in France. 46 CRUCIFIXION He said he had had nothing to eat for days except hlack bread until he came over. A poilu had given him some of his rations. There was an officer in the same cage and he was very sullen when he heard this. The Germans fly over our lines as they please. They have been coming over all day. A young French officer took Bovert and myself to an observation post which overlooked the entire valley. The whole battle field was below us. It was a sad sight, the ruined villages and ravaged forest. We looked over miles and miles of territory held by the Germans. These Frenchmen are peculiar. Once in a while they are, as a whole, very de- cent, but we have had our eyes opened to their "gratitude and appreciation." One of the men here took us to a town- 47 CRUCIFIXION what was left of it~with an order for our dinner. We had eaten nothing all day except a few biscuits which we happened to have in the car. When we reached the place he went about shaking hands with everyone and finally disappeared. We thought he would return again in a few minutes and show us where we were to eat. Soon the Germans began a bom* bardment and we were left in the open. The car was in danger and so were our lives. We went ofif without him. Early this morning we stopped at one of the forest dugouts, where we hoped to find a fire. We had been out all night and were cold and wet. When we reached the door we found it latched from the inside. We tried to get at the latch by using a stick, but before we had got very far a Frenchman came and asked what was wanted. We told him in the best French possible for us. He under- 48 CRUCIFIXION stood and answered, ''No, no, no, no!" and turned back into the room. All we could do was to stand there and look through the crack in the door. I do not know why we were kept out. It was the only place one could find shelter. Two Frenchmen came up and one of them pushed the latch from the outside with his bayonet. We went into the first room. The Frenchmen were drinking tea. This reminds me of other incidents. When the section first came up these men would sit around in the dugouts drinking their hot stuff yet never offer- ing us a sip. When they found we had an ample supply of rum and cigarettes they became a little more generous. This bartering became disgusting, and we finally did without the tea rather than bother with them. A Frenchman once explained to me 49 CRUCIFIXION that the men were in their own land and should have all the comforts possible. I was tempted to ask what he thought about those three thousand miles or more from home. He told me they did not want the Americans in France: all they needed were the supplies and money. I am afraid he is a little pre- mature in his judgement. Some day he may be glad we are here. An enemy plane has just fallen. It came down slowly, and I do not think the pilot is hurt in any way. The Ger* mans are shelling the town as a reprisal. We shall have to take cover. Bovert came in this morning with a special ordre de mouvement into ter- ritory where neither he nor I had ever been before. The road was in view of the German intrenchments and full of unexploded shells. It was not well taken 50 CRUCIFIXION care of, and consequently the shell- holes were plentiful. We searched for the battery half the morning, not know- ing whether we were on French or Boche territory. After we have been in a location for a few days we know just about what Fritz will do. He is a punctual fellow and will bombard a certain strip of the road or what remains of a village at an exact hour each day and night. Of course there are exceptions. We know now that this post is bombarded every evening at six o'clock. If we are un- lucky enough to be here we get under cover; if outside we stay until it has had the daily round. Just beyond is a place called Hell's Curve. Many cars have been destroyed and {liundreds of men killed on that spot. The roads are horrible: covered 51 CRUCIFIXION with dead, always under direct fire, and nine-tenths of the work done at night in absolute darkness. The post de secours of the commu- nication trench is a place of torture for those stationed there. The (continual moaning, the odor of powder on the dead, the last breaths of the dying, the gas and the mud and everything else makes one almost insensible at times. Last night B overt and I had to take cover in an old ahri which was full of vermin. We were in there twenty minutes. They will send us back to our quarters this afternoon; at least I hope so. We are not in very good condition. It is not uncommon to stop the car and carry the dead from the road in order to pass. At night they are hard to see. We are always afraid of run- ning over them. If it is raining or we 52 CRUCIFIXION are passing through a gassed section we are compelled to go almost in a walk* It is necessary to have someone in front of the car on foot and keep the driver informed about the road ahead. Some- times it is so dark he cannot be seen. He yells the information and the car goes stumbling along. Our gas masks are hard to work in, as the rain blurs the eye piece and it is impossible to see a thing. A few hours ago we brought in a Prus- sian who was wounded almost to the point of death. We put him in one of the racks of our car and took him back to the base hospital. There were also three French blesses in the ambulance. The Prussian occupied the place which should have held another Frenchman. He was given the preference because of the seriousness of his wounds. Upon S3 CRUCIFIXION our arrival at the base hospital the load was removed. When w^e returned to the post the doctor hurried to us. He had just received a message from the hos- pital that the Prussian had exploded a hand grenade, killing himself and wounding five Frenchmen. It is surprising to find so many of the prisoners speaking English. A cap- tured Prussian officer, who had been cut off from supplies for days, looked so fatigued that I took him into the *^^kitch- en" and got a cup of coffee and some hash. I knew he would talk if given some inducement. I could see that he was so hungry that he could have taken everything in sight with one mouthful, yet he ate as deliberately as if he had eaten a meal only a few hours before. He was a gentlemanly fellow. There are exceptions and he was one of them. He had lived four years in London and 54 CRUCIFIXION spoke the language as an Englishman, To him there was only one way of ending the war, that was victory for Germany. He had no douht as to the truth of the inscription on his belt-buckle, which read, "Gott mit uns". The "kitchen" is separated from the "morgue" by a small piece of burlap. There the dead bodies are stacked until they can be buried in the cemetary near by. While we were having our lunch the partition blew down. The first sight which greeted us was a stretcher with its load of dead^ jammed into the half -open mooth of a fallen comrade. All equipment is taken off the dead and senJt to the rear. The women assort it and save what is good to be used again. One of the men from another section came into the dugout during the German counter-attack. Just as he entered the room he fell to the floor. He was ex- 55 CRUCIFIXION hausted and had a high fever. When he became conscious he glared at the candle-light. We were afraid he had gone insane. He was sent back to the hospital, and no one knew untU a few minutes ago what had occured. He had been given an order for one of the forest posts. The road which he took on his return trip was impassable. He en- deavored to get out by taking a cut. This he found blocked also. The bom- bardment became so terrific that he left the car to look for cover. Wandering about in the woods, he lost his way and was out for over an hour before he finally reached our dugout. Not knowing whether it was a German or a French position, as the enemy still held part of the forest, he had waited outside until he could hear the voices of the men. Man, in his pre-civilized days, existed as a wild and hunted creature of the 56 CRUCIFIXION forest. Red-eyed, he ran from cave to cave, either destroying what was in his way or being annihilated by something more powerful than himself. To-dav it is the same. Last night the Germans bombed one of the base hospitals. It seems to be a custom with them to bomb a hospital now and then. I cannot understand why, as the red cross is very large and can be seen from a great height in the air, so I am told. Why they should fly over in groups and attack men who are helpless or dead will have to be explained by them. There were about fifty German prisoners in the hospital at the time and all were carried back to safety after the Frenchmen had been removed. The men stood it the best they could but they would cry out every time we entered the wards. Each one gave some 57 CRUCIFIXION reason why he should he taken first. At one side of the hospital a dozen men, on stretchers, were waiting to be lifted into the ambulance. A shell came and there was nothing left. We were lucky enough to be inside. This same building was destroyed before we re- turned for another load. The French are very excitable people. They loose their heads when anything goes wrong. All during the bombard- ment they were telling us, in a hysterical way, to hurry, as if we wanted to loiter about the place. We are to go to Bar-le-Duc on repos. The section needs a rest. The men look tired and the ambulances are in bad condition. Likely the three cars we have lost will be replaced before we return to another sector of the front. There has been a rumor that the sec- tion will be cited for the work done at 58 CRUCIFIXION Verdun. Since we have not lost a man it is all right, but what would a small piece of metal amount to if there was a list of missing? Decorations are the apologies from the government for the misery brought upon the individuals to w'hom they are presented. Another car is out of commission. Early this morning it was struck by a shell and the rear wheel and part of the body were blown off. Macleen was hit by a piece of steel and has been sent to the hospital at Chalons-sur-Marne. This was to have been our last day here, but I suppose we shall have to remain until the other section arrives to relieve us. Our regiment has gone in on repos, I have received a letter from a lady in the States asking if we ever get near the front. I see by the nature of other let- 59 CRUCIFIXION ters that some people think we are on a picnic. One lady asked if we had pic- ture shows to entertain us at night. No, Madame, we do not have our evenings off and there are no picture shows on this part of the front! Repos will be a blessing to all. The strain upon one is overpowering. The shells do not worry us or the fact that at an^r moment our numbers might be counted among the missing, it is the terrible suffering we have to see all the time. One fellow, whom we brought down to-day, went insane and tore the bandages off his wound. We got him to the hospital all right, but I doubt that he is alive now. It is this kind of thing that keeps us from sleeping. I suppose I shall hear it the rest of my life. I do not know how any one could hear their cries and shrieks and ever forget them. 60 CRUCIFIXION There are more shell-holes in the roads the last few days than ever before. It is because of the German counter- attack. The cars are always sticking in them and give us a great deal of trouble. The rain fills them with water, so that one cannot tell how deep they are until the car plunges in. The men often go to sleep while driving. This causes a great many accidents. Six of the Frenchmen attached to this section have taken up a third of the quarters to which we were assigned, leaving the fourty of us to find room as best we can. I suppose this is the Frenchmen's idea of being "at home." Bar-le-Duc. The section arrived at the barracks last night. This morning we found our- selves under guard and not allowed to 61 CRUCIFIXION leave the small room in which we were quartered. We had to wait for the offi- cials, and they did not arrive until noon. Breakfast, for us, was eliminated, but the German prisoners entertained us by eating and drinking in their cages across the way. They thought it was a fine joke. So did we. Our room had a no- tice on the door reading "19 hommes" (19 men). Forty of us managed to sleep in there during the night. We have not the slightest idea what offense we have committed and as yet have not been told. One can get no more than a shrug from these French- men. From the looks of things we shall not have as good treatment as the Ger- mans who are quartered here as prison- ers. It is certain we do not have the lib- erty and food which are given to them. The French officer in charge of this 62 CRUCIFIXION section has not been friendly toward our lieutenant, who is British, or the men. Many open denouncements have been made of his sheltered quarters back of the lines and the time he spends there. Also of the fact that he goes about in the uniform of an aviator with the dec- orations he has received in the Sections Sanitaires Aux Armees, I suppose he has taken this opportunity to avenge himself. A Frenchman must be avenged. Petty grievences between officers are superdreadnoughts for the enemy. I don't think anyone gives a damn about the citation. Too many have been pre- sented far back of the lines, and for no reason whatsoever. C^est la guerre. We are in a small village just back of Rheims. The guns are only a faint rum- ble from here, but the air raids continue. 63 CRUCIFIXION An aero station is only a mile away and there are a great many planes in the air all the time. This is one of the patrol stations which guards Paris. We are having evacuation work from the hos- pitals near here. Six cars are on duty each day. What a price the French are paying for victory! No one can describe the slaughter we have seen. I suppose that in a few years all this will have to be done over again. I have seen enough blood to make a new race. Maybe it will, but I doubt it. The French tell us continually what they will demand from the Germans when once they are beaten. Their greed of territorial bound- aries will lead to another war within the next fifty years, if not before. What good are boundaries, anyway? I know the advantages they are supposed to have, but what about their disadvan- 64 CRUCIFIXION tages? What about the millions of men who have been killed or wounded in this war to date? B overt came in with the news of the Russian defeat. Such things have a bad effect on everyone. I do not think the Russians would deliberately throw up their hands. There must have been some reason for it other than the sword, for they will die before giving them- selves up to the enemy. Our food is very poor. The men go over to a peasant's hut near here and buy jellies and omelettes. The old lady thinks we are a band of pirates. The men order nine-and twelve-egg omelettes for themselves and ask no one to help dispose of their repast. This is a wonderful morning. The sun is climbing over the orchard trees 65 CRUCIFIXION and sprinkling the fields with glistening light. To one side is the outline of a little village rimmed with green hills. The white buildings with their red-tiled roofs dot the landscape. If it was not for the dull thud of the cannonading we could forget the war. Only a few miles away, and the slaughter continues. Some troopers pass along the road go- ing in on repos. This is our last day here. We go up to the Front de Cham- pagne to-morrow. The section has been on this front for six weeks. It is the same old thing over again. Days and nights of horrors. One hlesse whom we brought in to- day looked like a sieve. Besides his many wounds he had been gassed. His face was smeared with blood and dirt and powder-blots. He was spitting blood continually. Most of his clothes had ^6 CRUCIFIXION been torn off. The doctors could do nothing for him. He died a few minutes after reaching the post de secours. They placed him, with the other dead, in an old building. Some men have died in our cars. It is terrible on reaching the hospital to find that such has happened. It drives one insane. We rush them back as quickly as possible. One of our roads is the most weird, hideous and grewsome I have ever been on. The French seventy-fives are blast- ing away on each side. At night the fiare from the guns blind us and we often run the cars into the ditch. It can- not be helped. When one is racing a- long in absolute darkness and suddenly has this fire flashed at the side he is blind for a few seconds and cannot con- trol his car. Early one morning along this same road we almost ran into a man 67 CRUCIFIXION sitting up near the bank. The mud cov* ered him to the waist. When we took hold of him he was cold. The wreck- age of a wagon and the parts of two horses were close by. These terrible sights should not both- er us now. We have seen many of them, but each one seems worse than the others. So it is, and the bloody business con- tinues with no sign of a letup. It seems futile to hope for an end be- fore Christmas. The Frenchmen say five years more. It mil be another year anyway. If the Germans hold out through the winter they will certainly not stop when the weather permits good fighting. Weeks have passed and I have left off writing. I am in a hospital in Paris. The men suffer much here, and it seems 68 CRUCIFIXION I can never sleep for their crying. I wake lip suddenly during the night, thinking I am still on duty. It is hard to realize where I am. The clean sheets and white walls are a welcome change. We have plenty of water to drink and can have a bath when we want it. I shall be able to be outside for a few hours each day before long. It is strange to lie here in all this cleanliness again. A real room with real doors and windows and sunlight pouring in upon me. The doctor has just been in and he tells me I may go for a walk tomorrow. Antoinette will be here in less than an hour. She comes every day and brings magazines or books. I shall tell her when she comes this afternoon. I shall say '^Antoinette, veux-tu que nous allions nous promener?" It will be grand to walk down the 69 CRUCIFIXION boulevards again, along the quiet streets where I have not been for months. B overt is dead. He was killed yester- day. A nurse brought the message to me. Is this butchering never to end? The whole world is in mourning already, and still it continues. How shall the debt bo paid? By the freedom of the world or by its imprisonment? What results will it have in America? A hospital has many rooms, like the tombstones in a cemetary. Those who move about glide like shadows up and down the long hallways. The silence was so great that at first I could hardly bear it. I wanted them to bring a seventy- five and fire it all night in front of my door so that I might sleep. It was the stillness-the stillness-that drove me mad. 70 CRUCIFIXION My soft bed sank, sank, sank, until I felt myself a thousand miles under- ground. Sometimes in the middle of this silence a j&endish cry would resound throughout the building-a cry which baffles description, but which I shall al- ways hear. A shriek, a wail, as if some- one was having his entrails torn out. I heard it one night by my door. The train from the front had just arrived and was being unloaded. The fellow was to have a room opposite our ward until he could be operated on. I saw them carry him along the hallway. I saw them stop in front of the room at the other side of the hall. As the stretcher-bearers turned to enter the door the man's legs rolled off the canvas. The heavy boot struck the floor with a thud and a great blotch of flesh and blood spattered on the til- ing. One man picked it up and placed it where it was supposed to have been, 71' CRUCIFIXION but the blood on tbe fioor remained and a large chunk of flesh with it. I pulled the sheets about my head. I thought I had gone mad. God ! Could such things continue? I had been away from the front for a month, and men were still at it. They were tearing each other to pieces. For what? For what? Had not the earth, with its millions of bodies on its breast, had enough? Why didn't it open its jaws and swallow them and have it over once and for all? Ten million men and six more men a minute ! What had become of a once-civilized world? Why had they sent their men and boys out there to do this Devil's dance? Yes, that was it, a Devil's dance, with suicide or murder as a reward and perhaps a decoration to go with it. Mankind murdering each other when they did not even have a reason for it. 72 CRUCIFIXION They did not have a grievance against one another. Far back of the lines were great men-men in palaces and men in huge governmental buildings. They told these liule fellows to go out and hunt one another, to sulfer and die for the land of their birth. The land of their birth ! What kind of country is it which sends its best men out to die like dogs? To live among lice and rats in the mud and blood of their desires? No! If these men v/ant to fight let them go out into a slaughter-hole and do it. Then they can have a taste of war ! Do they know what it is to see a man's head disappear before their very eyes and leave nothing but a body jerking in a pool of bloody water? Have they had the blood spurt upon them after sticking a man? Have they seen his eyes pop and his face become smooth and white like a piece of marble before he rolls over 73 CRUCIFIXION into a heap of other junk? Do they really think that a man goes over the top for the love of his country and because he is a patriot? Patriotism will some day be a thing of the past. As it stands to-day it means nothing more than the suicide of the na- tion which contains the most patriots. Tlie gospel of suffering and dying for one's country is covered with mildew. It is the individual who must have a place in the world. The man who can feel the warm sun in his face and know it is the gift of God to all and not to the few who can spend their days on golf links or loiter about the summer resorts while others are out to die in a hell which has been thrown upon them. Yjou pretenders of civilization who stride through the avenues with your pockets filled with gold from the profits of war material s-you who cry, *'0n with 74 CRUCIFIXION the war! "-look at your hands ! Look at your hands ! — Dripping with blood; yet you cry, "On with the war!" And you, gluttenous devourers of pa- triotic swindle who stand on the bou- levards waving your flags and sending the youth of the world out to the slaughter* house to be ground up like sausages, how much longer will you permit these men to continue their sacrilege of humanity? Future generations will condemn our age as one of barbarism. What is going on now will terrify posterity to the point of disbelief. In their minds it will be like a fable, a legend of horror. They will be unable to conceive of such a car- nage or a small group of men driving thousands of human bodies into such an inferno. They will not understand how mankind, as a whole, would allow such a catastrophe. In that day there .75 CRUCIFIXION will be a greater word than patriotism. It will be humanitarianism. I have just left Antoinette and returned to my room in the hospital. How bare it seems after being out in the open again ! After the Bois^ with the trees overhead and the i^unjight peeping through them, this room is like a prison. A few weeks ago I could appreciate it, but now I am tired of it and want to get away. We met Helene, and I had to tell her about B overt. She told me she had lost two brothers in the war. The boulevards are crowded, but no one is very gay. The Italians are suffer- ing a great defeat and the Russians have collapsed. A German offensive is ex- pected on the western front any day. It will come with the first signs of spring, I suppose. 76 CRUCIFIXION Many Americans are here now. Paris seems to be filled with them. Six months makes a difference in the trans- portation of troops. They all go about in a joyous way and no one would think they are homesick or disheartened. The French people seem to have the idea they are loaded down with money and charge them anything they can get. Prices have gone up beyond those we had to pay at first. An old Frenchman told me they were entitled to charge what they pleased, as France had bought all supplies from America and made her rich because of the war while she herself had suffered. Perhaps the old man was trying to clear his conscience. The women and girls are everywhere. There are five or six of the fair sex to one of the other. The American takes up with them much quicker than the Englishman. The French girls seem to n CRUCIFIXION prefer the American; they are always ready to go mth him. Some of these girls are very good and kind and do all they can to help cheer the way along. Others are in for all they can get. Most of them are diseased. What will the army be like when they return? They are certain to have a dif- ferent idea of morality. The doctor has given me a discharge from the hospital. I am to be in the medical supply corps in Paris. This will keep me in the open. If the men could only be out more it would be better for them. One thinks too much in a hos- pital. Every day I go down to one of the clin- ics and deliver a quantity of medicines which are used in curing certain diseases. It is an awful sight to see these 78 CRUCIFIXION fellows standing in line waiting for their treatment. Some take it as though they thought themselves a dog with mange, while others seem to think they have accomplished something and look upon it as a rather smart trick. The latter talk loudly about themselves and laugh over their affliction. Now and then a cry is heard from the room just ahead of them, and the gayety lets up a bit. These poor men are everywhere. In the cafes they sit and drink the ^'wa- ters." They are always drowsy and look fatigued. I don't wonder at it after going through the terrible treatment which is given them. Evidently many men are sent back to the front only half cured. The Frenchman takes it as a joke and thinks it is a good lesson for the Yankee and his idea of morality. They seem to believe they are showing him how to 79 CRUCIFIXION live. One boy told me he had gone to the French base hospital and informed the doctor what was wrong with him. The Frenchman laughed. Another returned after suffering months under electrical treatment and was in the same condi- tion as in the beginning. He had taken care of himself after leaving the clinic, but had not been properly cured and the trouble returned. It is not hard to see how these fellows suffer. One observes it in their faces and unsteady v/alk. Before the war Paris had what was called the Green hour, when the women went info the cafes for their hire. They had always a green card, which was shown when asked for, giving the name and condition of the holder. Now all this is done away with, and of course there is more disease than ever. The men are a great deal to blame for 80 CRUCIFIXION their sickness. They do not take the proper care and precaution. There must be misery everywhere. Even the dingy sky seems to weep, and rolls along heavily as if it had a thou- sand cares. The section is to arrive in Paris al- most any day and will be sent to Italy. I shall never walk from the quarters again, at least not the way I came to- night. The Seine looked like a pool of boiling blood. Several times I thought I had gone mad. I felt an impulse to jump over the huge grey wall and plunge into the waters beneath. Then it would be over. Every time I am alone all the misery I have seen and been a part of comes rushing back to me and my brains takes fire. I would have done the thing to-night had not the tram stopped and 81 CRUCIFIXION lei olf a few passengers near the spot v/liere I was walking. I suppose if I glioiild do this people would call me a coward. Plauet has broken up a rickety chair in order that we may have heat in the room. It is raining nearly every day and night and is very cold. It is impos- sible to get wood or coal in Paris without a card and money, always mon- ey. We could get the card, but it would do us little good, for we have no money. Every evening Plauet and myself go to the Cafe Rotand. We cannot keep our quarters warm, and so we have to lounge about in public places as much afi possible. The cafes close at nine- thirty, turning hundreds of people into the streets. This life is easy after what we have had on the front. For one, I am glad to be away from the mess. 82 CRUCIFIXION Antoinette has gone to England with her mother. I watched the long train slowly glide out of the station. I stood motionless until the last car dipped be- low the hill and was lost. An old man came up and shouted in my ear, point- ing to the gate at the same time. I looked about me. Everyone had gone. He mumbled and held out his hand. There was something between the bony fingers, but I could not see what. I grasped it and felt the blood trickle down my palm. The thorns had stuck me. The section arrived yesterday. They all look very tired. To-morrow they go to Italy. It will be a fine drive and will doubtless rest them more than to stop here a week or so. There is a great deal of deceit among the French people. The women in Paris 83 CRUCIFIXION are all running around like Sybarites, spending one night here and another there while their husbands are on the front. I have known and seen so many cases of this kind that I wondered the men put up with it. I thought possibly they took it as a matter of course, but when I spoke to a young man about it I found I was quite wrong. "They have no regard for us" he said, "and are always going about with foreigners." Many of the women wear veils who are not entitled to them. They suppose people will sympathize with them and they know it draws the men. Then, too, they fix themselves up very attractively in this black crepe, but their ankles are always covered with silk. I understand it is the same in Eng- land, and America will likely have a 84 CRUCIFIXION touch of the thing before the war is over. These women drop the one-medal wearer for the two and the two for the three, on down the line from generals to privates. In the cafes the woman with the two-medal man snubs the other with only the one. Women have more to do with the mak- ing of war than is generally thought. If a man comes in from the front in good condition and wearing the decorations of his savage instincts he is immediately the rage and they all clamor about him. If his face has been stuck through by the bayonet or he has been wounded so that he is of little service to them they make an outcast of him. Likely the poor fel- low goes down some dark street and that is the end of his misery. I know this has happened more than once, for there have been men who went out from the 85 CRUCIFIXION hospitals for a walk and never returned. They were not in a condition to desert; they could not have taken care of them- selves. The government keeps these distorted creatures caged up as much as pos- sible. It is not good for the men to see their butchered comrades, so the offi- cials tell us, and weakens the morale of the army. If they are allowed to go out too often or in groups they might do a great deal of harm. The war must continue at all costs, for a man or a set of men are only so much bric-a-brac, and a chip off here and there is nothing to the world at large. I have a room in the Hotel de Tou- louse on the rue Saint-Severne. It is one of those queer old French hotels which totter on through the ages. My 86 CRUCIFIXION room is on the attic floor overlooking a dozen dirty streets which fit into each other like a Chinese puzzle. Early in the morning and late in the evening the peddlers pass up and down, ringing bells, beating triangles or crying out in a sing- song manner. They sell everything imaginable. Perrots, monlteys, fruits, vegetables, per- fumes, flowers, silks, are all to be had in the course of a day. It is a moving department-store. The byways seem to stumble along like the old women who trot their daily wares below me. It is here that one gets a breath of old Paris. To mention the war would be sacrilege. But at night it is different. All Paris is dark. The Quai des Augustines is gray and gloomy with its slimy Seine. The avenues and boulevards lose their attractiveness in their imitation of dark country roads. 87 CRUCIFIXION Without the blinking of odd street lamps^ the dimmed lights of color, the rattling of cabs as they roll over the cobblestones, the cries of the urchins in the corridors, the shrill peals of laughter through the open door, the galleries and universities ; without song, Paris is dead. The wine and the women are here, but truly the song has gone. The people go about looking like chunks of cold stone. Whatever they do is from habit and not because of the joy in the thing. Life is only an artificiality. Yesterday I wandered down to the courtyard of the Compas d'or in the rue Montorgeuil. The sun was just begin- ning to throw its shadows across the open equare. It lias been many years since the coach rolled out of the gateway on its journey to Dreux. The large stone stalls with their iron- 88 CRUCIFIXION barred food-bins, the worn steps leading to the loft, the wooden canopy covering half the courtyard and the Inn near the passage, are still there. I had hopes that the war would be shut out of this old quadrangle, but such was not the case. At one end of the covering, among the dilapidated carts, was a huge truck such as I had often seen rolling along the roads at the front, carrying muni- tions. It stood there, in a clumsy way, like some overgrown embarrassed boy. The thing knew it was out of place. Not far from here is the rue de F Hotel de Ville. Of all the Paris streets it is the most picturesque. Along its borders are the old massive stone dwellingft which were the palaces of kings during the twelfth century. To see the street as it really is one must pass about five o'clock in the evening. At that time the children are playing in the open, 89 CRUCIFIXION screaming and yelling at the top of their voices, the women are in the doorways gossiping and the men grouped around game tahles, playing, drinking and smok- ing. The children never fail to be as dirty as the street. Here all is in keep- ing and perfect harmony. The bulky lamps perch upon heavy projections and glare out like eagle eyes against the dingy grey walls. Every few minutes a blue uniform shows up. One does not have to see it in order to know the thing is coming. Hobnails make a different sound from wooden shoes. This morning we went to Notre Dame to hear the mass for the dead. The place was very cold and gloomy. Forms moved about like spectors. The towering walls lost themselves in the darkness. Many people were there. It is always that way after a great battle. 9P CRUCIFIXION We met an old man who spoke Eng- lish very well. He told us he had lost his fourth and last son in the offensive just past. He had lived in nothern France before the war, and all his posses- sions had fallen into the hands of the enemy. The Germans had put them to work, his shriveled wife was with him, but found they were of no value. In- stead of being killed they were sent back to France as worthless and dependent. The request for a furlough in the States has been granted. Our baggage has just been taken to the Gare d' Orleans. We leave Paris to- night, a party of four. I do not think anyone is sad over the fact that we are leaving France. I went out to the hospital late in the 91 CRUCIFIXION afternoon, intending to say good-by to the men wliom I knew there. I found I conld not. It would have killed them had they known I was to return while they had to remain in their dismal white- walled rooms. I could see that at the first. All they talked about was going home and the end of the war. I remem- ber having been told in America that the men in the hospitals never men- tioned the war, their injuries, or the hope of an end to the fighting, but the truth is they talked of nothing else. One fel- low, who had been on his feet only a few days after two months of suffering, re- lated the whole thing to me and tore a- way half of his bandage trying to show me how he was stuck. These men are sick of the whole affair and they want the end to come before they have to re- turn to the front. 92 CRUCIFIXION They all think it will last another two years. Those who are wounded in a gmall way tell the others how lucky they are to be out of it. They do not play the Star-Spangled Banner or mention the glory of suffering for one's country. Tliey want the butchering to stop. They know what they are talking about. Their hands have been covered with blood, their bellies have been torn with hunger, their brains have been tortured by the roar of the guns and their eyes swollen with the sights of distorted forms about them. They know ! But what do these despots in their palaces and great stone buildings know about it? They are the ones who shall eay when it is to slop. When they have a million or more blood-smeared bodies to their credit it may end, if they desire. If you want to know what war is, go to the hospitals and see for yourself, and 93 CRUCIFIXION if you are a man go to the front and live there like a rat for a while. You may change your idea about the whole business when once you have been a part of it. Before I left the hospital one of the doctors told me the body of Hanlowe, who came over with us and joined the Legion, had arrived from the front. I had not even known of his death. The doctor took me into the room opposite. The body was lying on a large slab. A cloth had been thrown across the upper part. I walked over to it and drew away the covering. The doctor sprang to- ward me, but he was too late. I felt myself sinking and fell to the floor. All I saw were the decorations. The head was not there. 94 \ LIBRARY OF .CONGRESS m Jll* ^2^ 545 954 8