vj W >-» v> ^^ ^ NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. COHEN'S DIVORCE Price, 15 Cents w THF AMA70NS Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, iive iemaies. lUi AUIHI4 Costumes, modern ; scenery, not diJoacult. Flays a full evening. THE CABKET MKOSTER ^,S.TJZZ^^\ Bceneiy, three interiors. Plays a full evening. DANDY DICK ^w^e in Three Acts, Seven males, four femaies. Costumes, modem ; scenery, two interiors. Tlayi two hours and a halt mfiAY I nVn OTTFT Comedy in Four ActSo Four males ten UAl l^WnU ^UEA f^gjales. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. ffls BOOSE IN ORDER ^:^rcZtT..„:^iT:'^^z three interiors. Plays a fuO evening, THF HARRY RARSF C'^'^^'^y "* Three Acts. Ten males, five IlUt UVUUl UVAtJl^ females. Costumes, modern; scenery easy. Plays two hours and a haU. inic Drama in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumee, modem ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. I ADY ROrNTMII ^^^^ ^ ■^"'"^ ■'^*'*^ Eight males, seven fe- LfHVl UVUnillUU jj^jj^igg^ Costumes, modern ; scenery, four in- teriors, not easy. Plays a full evening, I pTT¥ Drama in Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten males, five fe- ^ males. Costumes, modem ; Bcenery compUcated, Plays a fuli eveningc Sent prepaid on receipt of price by Salter i^» I5a6et S, Company NOo 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts hem Cohen's Divorce A Vaudeville Sketch in One Act For " Straight " and Jew Comedy By GEORGE M. ROSENER BOSTON WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 1911 Cohen's Divorce CHARACTERS Straight, a swell Hebrew dressed in the height of fashion, but jnade up with Jewish nose. Jew, dresses in an old frock coat, pants and funny hat. He wears a red necktie and has a thin beard. Copyright, 191 i, by i^^^m. H. Baker & Co. TNP96-006707 gCI.D 25123 Cohen's Divorce SCENE. — Street or interior, whichever is convenient. {At the opening of the act the two characters enter from op- posite sides of the stage a?id meet in the centre.") Straight. Well, if it isn't ray old friend Cohen. Jew. Ikie Goldstein, or I'm a liar. Straight. Sh-h-h-h-h, not so loud. I've changed my name. Jew. Iss dot so ? Vot iss your name now ? Straight. Patrick Reilly, Jew. You should have kept your first name. Straight. Why so ? Jew. It fits your face better. Straight. How is business? Jew. I'm jest makin' a livin', dot's all. Vot pisness are you in now ? Straight. Well, I've three professions and one trade. Jew. Iss dot so ? Vot are dey ? Straight. I am a doctor, a lawyer, an actor, and a plumber. Jew. My poy, I am glad dot you have choosen pisnesses in vich you can be honest. Straight. How many children have you got now? Jew. I ain't got any. Straight. Nothing running around the house, eh? Jew. Yes, cockroaches. Straight. Well, what do you know about that ? Jew. Say, didt you say you vos a lawyer ? Straight. You can bet your sweet life that I am. Jew. I don't bet my life on anyting vot a lawyer tells me, believe me I don't. Straight. Have you got a job for me ? {Takes out note-book and pencil.') 4 COHEN S DIVORCE Jew. I vant you fer to get fer me a divorce. Straight. A divorce ? Jev^^. Yessir, If you can get fer me a second hand von, so much de better. Straight. Do you want to divorce your wife ? Jew. Who do you tink I vont to divorce, my grandmoder? Straight. What's the matter with your wife ? Jew. Her face. Straight. Wiiat's the matter witli her face? Jew. 1 just lost my taste fer it, dot's all. Straight. Anything else? Jew. Yes, und she iss a suffering cat. Straight. You mean a suffragette. Jew. Sure, und dot's no pisness fer a Jew. Straight. Did you ever catch your wife flirting ? Jew. Sure, dot's how I got her. Straight. Has she been false in any way ? Jew. She has been valse twise. Straight. False twice, eh ? Jew. Sure, two times. Straight. Careful now. This is very important. How is she false ? Jew. Her hair und her teeth. Straight. You can't get a divorce on that. Jew. No ? Straight. No. You must have somelhing stronger than that. Jew. Veil, she eats onions. Straight. No, no. You don't seem to understand. On what grounds do you expect to get this divorce? Jew. On de grounds of invisibility. Straight. My good man, invisibility is something tliat you cannot see. Jew. Dot's my vife. I can't see her, my poy, I can't see her. Straight. How long have you been married ? Jew. Twenty years. Straight. What are you talking about? I remember the night you was married, and that's not more than five years ago at the most. Why do you say twenty years? Jew. Veil, it seems dot long. Straight. The night you was married, Cohen, you acted like a fish out of water. COHEN S DIVORCE 5 Jew. I know it, und I have felt like a sucker ever since. Straight. Is your wife a blonde or a brunette ? Jew. Neider von. She's a sort of a mixed goods. Straight. Is there any one whom you can name as co- respondent in this case ? Jew. Let me tink. Oh, yes ; my bruder. Straight. Ah, and why your brother ? Jew. He is studying to be a chauffeur in de correspondence school. Straight. Does your wife interfere with your pleasures, pastimes, or plans in any way ? Jew. I dond't understand. Straight. For instance, when you are out late at night does she send for you ? Jew. No, but ven I come home she goes for me. Straight. And she attacks you, eh ? Jew. Cracks me? Veil, I should say so. Here, look at my head ; it iss cracked in two places. {Bares his head.) Straight. Did she do that with premeditation ? Jew. No, she did dot mit a coal shovel. Straight. Ah, good, very good. We will make a case out of this yet. But we must have grounds ; grounds; my good man, grounds, grounds, grounds. ■ Jew. Veil, she makes bum coffee. Straight. What of that ? Jew. Grounds, grounds, my goodt man. Grounds, grounds, grounds. Nothings but grounds. Straight. How many times have you been married ? Jew. Tree times. Straight. I should think that once would have been enough. Jew. I come from a fighting family. Straight. What has that got to do with it ? Jew. Ve nefer know ven ve haf got enough. Straight. Is there anything else that you can tell me about your wife that will be of importance in this case? Does she spend much money for clothes ? Jew. Dot's just de trouble. Pefore ve vos married she vould dress all up like a house on fire, und after ve vos married she vould vere de same dress fer two years. Straight. All women do that ; I wonder why ? Jew. Didt you efer hear of a fisherman gifing bait to a fish after he caught it ? 6 COHEN S DIVORCE Straight. Does your wife drink ? Jew. Sure. Straight. Very often ? Jew. Sure. Vot do you tink she iss, a camel ? Straight. No, no. I mean does she indulge in spirits ? Jew. Say, dis iss my vife 1 vont to get a disvorce from, not a gohast. Straight. I mean does your wife drink whiskey, beer, etc. ? Jew. Not if I see it first she dond't. Straight. Now there is just three things on which you can get a divorce. First, cruelty, second, alienation of affection, and third, incompatibility of temperament. Jew. Dot's it, dot's it. Straight. What's it? Jew. De last von vot you saidt. Straight. Incompatibility of temperament ? Jew. Sure. Straight. How do you figure that out ? Jew. All de time she is battin' me in de temple in our ten- erment. Straight. That settles it; we have a clear case. Five hundred dollars, please. Jew. Am I divorced? Straight. Not yet. The five hundred is only a retainer. Jew. Vy do you charge so much ? Straight. That's not much. Why, it would cost you more than that, only I'm broke. Jew. If you expect to get five hundred from me you are cracked, not broke. Straight. Well, I'll take the case for two hundred and fifty, but that is my lowest figure. Jew. My poy, I can get a cheaper job don dot. Straight. Oh, no, you can't. Jew. Oh, yes, I can. I know a tough Irishman who vill kill her fer fifty cents. Straight. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll take the case for a hundred dollars. Jew. Very veil. Straight. Let me have the hundred, please. Jew. Vot, now? Straight. Certainly. We will have to rehearse the pro- ceedings right here, and I must have the hundred to make me feel the part. COHEN S DIVORCE 7 Jew, Very veil. {Hands Straight a bill.) Straight. Now this is the court room. You stand here. {Places Jew r.) And over here is the judge. {Walks to l.) Now then, the case is on. Jew. De case iss on vot ? Straight. The case is about to commence. Jew. Oh. Straight. Now I come in. {Pretends to enter a court room; speaks to an imaginary judge.) Good-morning, your honor. Jew. Good-morning. Straight. I spoke to the judge. Jew. I don't tink he heard you. Straight. Why not? Jew. He didn't answer. Straight {roaring). Silence ! Jew {starting). Say, please remember I haf got feelings. Straight {to imaginary Judge). I am here in the case of Cohen vs. Cohen. I am here to represent the plaintiff, Mr. Cohen, who is standing yonder. The plaintiff, your honor Jew. Say, please dond't call me a stiff; I dond't like dot. Straight. Silence ! Jew {starting). Say, do dot vonce more und dis vill be a funeral, not a disvorce case. Straight. The plaintiff, your honor, charges incompati- bility of temperament. Jew. Yes, right here in de temple mit a frying-pan, judge. Straight. Silence ! Jew {starting). Say, please ; I ask you like your old grand- father, please don't do dot. Straight. With your permission, your honor, I will pro- ceed to examine the witness. Jew. Examine ? Do you tink I am a crook ? Straight. Mr. Cohen, you will answer my questions yes and no. Jew. No. Straight, What ? Jew. Yes. Straight. What ? Jew. Yes and no. Straight. You wish to divorce the defendant in this case ? Jew. No, I vont to divorce my vife. Straight. What ? 8 COHEN'S DIVORCE Jew. Yes and no. Straight. When did you marry the defendant ? Jew. The defendant ? Straight {yelling). Yes, the defendant — the defendant. Jew. Dond't get excited ; 1 am still here. Straight. The defendant is your wife. Jew. Oh. Straight. When did you marry her ? Jew. In Straight. Answer my question by yes or no. When did you marry her ? Jew. On de Straight. When did you marry her? Answer my ques- tion — yes or no, Jew. I married her on de Straight. Yes or no. Jew. Yes. Straight. Oh, you did marry her, then ? Jew. No, I took her ven nobody vos looking. Straight. Please answer my questions — yes or no. Jew. Please stop dot yes und no pisness; for your own sake I ask you to please stop it. Straight, Now then, Mr, Cohen, do you really want to get a divorce from the defendant? Jew. After all ve haf been through you can ask me dot? Straight, Answer my questions — yes or no. Do you want a divorce ? Jew. Yes und no. Straight, Then you don't really know ? Jew. Certainly I know. Straight, Then why don't you answer me? Jew. Vot do you tink I am trying to do, sing? Straight, Do you want this divorce ? Jew, Sure, Straight, What ? Jew, I mean no. Straight, Ah, at last I have caught you. Jew, No und yes. Straight, That will do. Jew, Yes und no. Straight, Your honor Jew. Yes und no. Straight. Your honor, you can see that my client has. COHEN S DIVORCE 9 Jew. Yes und no. Straight. Yes and no. Silence ! Jew. Dere, he commences mit dot silence pisness again. Straight. Your honor and gentlemen of the jury, you can see that my client, the prisoner at the bar, is a poor, hair- brained individual, who should be at this time in the hands of a keeper. I ask you, gentlemen, to do the great act of charity in allowing this man's wife to be free from him. It is both a shame and an outrage that this woman should be bound to such a creature. Jew. Say, who iss paying you ? Straight. Think of your own wives, gentlemen, and ask yourselves if I am not right. Jew. Yes und no. Straight. What's that you say, judge ? Excuse me, gen- tlemen of the jury. {Pretends to talk aside with the Judge.) Is that so? You don't tell me. Well, I declare ! Jew. Hey, slip de judge a dollar. Fix it vile you have de chance. (Straight talks ifi dumb show to the Judge.) He looks like he vos trying to make a date mit de judge. Straight. Mr. Cohen, I have good news for you. Jew (saluting like a soldier). Yes und no. Straight. You are a free man. Jew. Hurray ! Straight. The judge tells me that your wife returned from Reno yesterday and told him that she obtained a divorce out there. Jew. She didt ? Straight. So you see you are saved all that trouble and expense. Jew. You're a shmart lawyer and de judge is a fine feller. Straight. But Jew. Yes. Straight. You have, according to the decision handed down, to pay your wife fifty dollars each week as alimony. Jew. Call a doctor; I'm a sick man. (He falls backward in Straight's arms. Then Sti^aight puts him on his shoulder and carries him off to the tune of a dead march.) [This act will play about twelve minutes without songs. If desired, songs of course can be introduced.] New Plays A RUSSIAN ROMANCE A DRAMA IN THREE ACTS For Female Characters only By Helen Kane Author o/" A PoiifT OF HoNOE," etc. sixteen female characters. Scenes, two interiors ; costumes modem. Plays two hours. A very exceptionally dramatic and effective play for all women, high in tone and quite above the average in quality. Calls for strong acting by three of its characters, has several good character parts and a number of minor parts that call for handsome dressing. An excellent play for a woman's club, easy to stage and absorbing in interest. Confidently recommended to tlie best taste. Price, 25 cents CHARACTERS Mlle. SANNOM {Olga Petrovna), a Mrs. Tremaine, cousin to Mrs. Will- Russian refugee. ner ; a *'■ manager." Madame Ignatieff, wife of the Rus- Lady Gray, wife 'of English Amha*- sian Ambassador. sador. Madame Luvoff wife of Attachi, Madame de Fa YEUSE,wt/eo/i!VencA Russian Embassy. Minister. Mrs. Willner, wife of Senator,— Mrs. Weston, "j Callers at Sen- kindly and inconsequent. ]Mrs. Ellett, I aior Willner' s AsENATH, her daughter, aged eighteen; Miss de Lorme, V This number may romantic but loyal. Miss FAIRFAX, beinc!:-eaicdifd6- LoRNA, her " Baby," aged six; rebel- Miss de Peyster, J sirable. lious — " enfant terrible." Sasha, maid at Russian LegaHi.K HtriiDAH, maid to Mrs. Willner. SYNOPSIS ACT I. Scene 1. —At Senator Willner's. Olga (Mile. Sannom) arrives In America, in search of her brother. Scene 2. — The same. She " manages " the " unmanageable." ACT II. Scene 1. — "Calling day" at Senator Willner's. Olga meets an old friend, and is seen by her enemy. Scene 2. — At the Russian Embassy. Story of the escape from Siberia. The enemy threatens. ACT III. Scene 1.— At the Embassy again. Olga meets her enemy. Scene 2. — At Mrs. Willner's. The enemy conquered. THE LAND OF HEART'S DESIRE A FAIRY PLAT By W. B. Yeats Three male, three female characters. Scenery, a plain Interior ; cos- tumes, Irish peasant. Plays half an hour. An excellent example of this author's work. It has been extensively used in this country by schools of acting, and the present edition was made for this purpose. Perfectly act- able, Itut most vmconventional in form and treatment. Offered to student! rather than for acting. Price, 15 cents New Plays HIGBEE OF HARVAKD A COMEDY-DRAMA IN THREE ACTS By Charles Townsend Five males, four females. Modern costumes ; scenes, two interiors and iu'exterior — the latter may be played as well in an interior, if preferred. Plays a full evening. A clever, up-to-date piece, well suited for amateur performance. No small parts ; all good. Good plot, full of incident, no love-making, no " heroics," interest strong and sustained. Based on a play that, in its time, had phenomenal popularity and can be strongly recom- mended. Price, 15 cents CHARACTERS "Watson W. Higbke, from Montana. HiGGiNS, the butler. A good fel.loiv with millions, who Eccentric Character. knows neither fear nor grammar. Nanct Withbow, the. senator's Character Lead. daughter. An up-to-date, level-headed Hon. V. D. Withrow, a blue-blooded girl. Juvenile Lead. ex-senator with a tall family tree and 'NLa.dge CUMMl'SQS, from Montana, A a short bank account. First Old Man. quiet sort with temper when rieeded. LoRiN HiGBEE, son of Watson. Cham- Ingenue Lead, pion athlete of Harvard. In love with Mrs. Ballou, the senator's sister from Madge. Juvenile Lead. Jfew York; who meets her second affin- Theodoee Dalbymple, called ity at the eleventh hour. Comedy. " Ted." Worked his way through Mbs. Malvina Meddigbew, origi- Harvard. In love with Nancy. nally from Missouri. Must always be Comedy Lead. shown. Comedy. SYNOPSIS ACT I. — The lawn at Withrow's. A June afternoon. Planning a dou- blemarriage. ACT II.— Parlor at Withrow's. In a tangle. Cupid's arrows go wrong, and everything follows. Good-by, and a roaring climax. ACT III.— In Montana, five months later. Hard lines. " Thanksgiving to-morrow, and no chance to steal a turkey." The unexpected happens. Sudden wealth. " A Four-decker weddin' in a couple or three days." THE OTHER WOMAN A SKETCH IN ONE ACT By Ellis Kingsley 1 interior ; costumes mmended. Very drs Price, 16 cents Two females. Scene, an interior ; costumes modern. A clever and ra. fined sketch, strongly recommended. Very dramatic. Plays twenty min. ut«a. New Plays for Female Characters A VIRGINIA HEROINE A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS By Susie G. McGlone Eleven female characters. Scenery, easy ; costumes, modern. Plays one hour and forty-five minutes. Irish and negro comedy parts, and two char- acter parts ; most of the characters young. A very easy and interesting play for girls, well suited for school performance. Romantic interest with lots Price, 25 cents CHARACTERS Mrs. Dare, mistress of Greylawn. bfsstp Att ftt I Virginia's friends, Margaret LEiGHTOi^jSisiero/J/rs. ^^t t n a -mr-^ ' \tinf./> abnormal. Bare. ^ ^^^ OAKE-i , I f),^^nps of curiosity, Virginia Leighton, niece of Mrs. Granny Royal, an old Vmrtan. Dare and Mrs. Leighton, in love Topsy, a self-constituted necessity. loith Philip Lee. Nora, hostile to naygurs. Betty Dare, Mrs. Dare's daughter. jNIartha Lane, the village gossip. Ruth Lee, a Southern girl c/iampiomng the North. SYNOPSIS ACT I. — Sitting-room at Greylawn, the home of Mrs. Dare. ACT II, Scene 1. — House and Garden of Granny Royal. Scene 2. — Hou«» and Garden of Granny Royal at night, ACT III. —Room at Greylawn. THE BIDE-A-WEE BEARS A COMEDY IN TWO ACTS By Thacher Howland Guild Ten female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two easy exteriors. Plays an hour. Depicts camp-life in the woods, and tells a brisk, humorous and entertaining story of adventures in carap. Good character parts. Jokey and Mooney Babbitt are very funny, and the "bears" are stars. Recom- mended to schools. Tl • ■* r- Jrnce, lo cents HOW THE STORY GREW AN ENTERTAINMENT FOR WOMEN's CLUBS, IN ONE ACT By O.W. Gleason Eight female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, unimportant ; may be given on a platform ■without any. Plays forty-five minutes. A very easy and amusing little piece, full of human nature and hitting off a well-known peculiarity of almost any community. "Written for middle-aged women, and a sure hit with the audience. Price, 15 cents New Plays LUCIA'S LOVER A FARCE IN THREE ACTS By Bertha Currier Porter For Female Characters Only Eight females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. Plays an hour and a half. A bright and gi-aceful piece, fight in character, but sym- pathetic and amusing. Six contrasted types of girls at boarding school are shown in a novel story. Lots of fun, but very refined. Easy to produce and con be strongly recommended. Price f 25 cents CHARACTERS Polly Chandler, who loves cats. Lucia Lovering, a love-lorn last. Mildred Chase. Miss McGregor, o teacher. Katherine Stanton. Mrs. Goldthwaite, a widow with Edith Lee, a Southern girl. an only son. Marcia Summers, a little older than CHAxmCEY, an adopted child, the others, SYNOPSIS ACT I.— folly's room at boarding school. Dressmaking. Chauncey, the eat. Lucia's love-letter. ACT II. — The same. The countersign. Welsh Rarebits. A midnight feast. Lights out! The secret. Fortune-telling. A confession. ACT III. — A reception room in the school. The day of judgment. A widow with an only son. Interrupted. A concealed jury. Brought to book. True friendship. Lucia's lover. THE THREE HATS A FARCICAL COMEDY IN THREE ACTS I From the French, hy Arthur Shirley Five males, four females. Costumes, modem ; scenery, one interior, the same for all three acts. Plays a full evening. A rapid, slap-dash farce, fall of action and moTement. very laughable and can be recommended m a mirth-proToker. Price, 16 cents New Plays THE MISSING MISS MILLER A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS By Harold A. Clarice Six males, five females. Scenery, two interiors ; costumes modern. Plays a full evening. A bright and up-to-date farce-comedy of the liveliest type. All the parts good ; lull of opportunity for all hands. Hymen's Ma- trimonial Bureau is tlie starting point of a good plot and the scene of lots of tunny incident. Easy to produce and sti'ongly recommended. Good tone ; might answer for schools, but is a sure hit for amateur theatricals. Professional stage rights reserved. Pricey 25 cents CHARACTERS Hymen Trouble, mawaj'e)' o/<^eieven males, five females. IUI4 inurMUAll^ Scenery, three interiors, rather elaborate; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. mCrHAAT MICTDPCC Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, seven MIlOUlMlblKfcbi ,^^^,^^^ Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. TBE SECOND MRS. TANQDERAY ^r °r L^*,. "?► tumes, modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. SWFFT I AVFNnFR comedy In Three Acts. Seven males, four ^n£Ci LtA^UWLA fe^jales. Scene, a single Interior; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. THF TIMFS Comedy In Four Acts. Six males, seven females. lULi 1 } LiJ Scene, a single interior ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. THF WFAKFR SFY comedy in Three Acts. Eight males, eight lUC nCAlVI^Ii JCA fenjales. Costumes, modem ; scenery, two interiors. Plays a full evening. A WIFE WITBODT A SMILE ^l'^ .'^Z.^Z.^.Z: modem ; scene, a single interior. Plays & full evenings Sent prepaid on receipt of price by Salter 1$* OBafeer a Company 1^0. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts SEP I 1911 LS?*^"^ °^ CONGRESS PHHIf 016 103 sSa Clje 5^tlltam Wan of $laps AS YOIl I I¥F IT Comedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four A J lUU IfllVLf 11 females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, va- ried. Plays a full evening. TAMII I F Dra;iia in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Cos- vAaliLiUh tumes, modern ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. INflOMAR ^^^y ^^ F*^^ Acts. Thirteen males, three females. 'inUvIUAA Scenery varied ; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening. IWARY STUART Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four fe- iilAIVl iJltlAIll niales, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of the period ; scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening. THE MERCHANT OF VENICE ^^^^^^^ SS picturesque ; scenery varied. Plays a full evening. RirHFl IFIl I'l^'y'i'i Five Acts. Fifteen males, two females. Scen- I\lvlILiL(lLiU ery elaborate ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. THF RIVATS Comedy in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. 1 Ul) ni T ALiJ Scenery varied ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. SHP STftflPS TO rONnilFR Comedy in Five Acts. Fifteen JllC DlVVtJ IW VUi^yL£ll males, four females. Scenery va- ried ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. TWELFTB NIGHT; OR, WHAT YOU WILL iX'^en^mlK three females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 3^alter !^. 'Bafeer S, €ompan^ No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts • J. PARKHILL A CO., PRINTCRS, BOSTON, U.S.A.