TR H-72S G33"b'^ THE ^tHtb of %ift in Hontion ; TOM AND JERRY'S FUNERAL. AX EMTIRELT "Ncto Satirical, IBurlcsqut, ®ptratit ^aroUg, IN ONE ACT, JVot taken from any tldng, but taking off many things, full of Wit, pregnant with Sensibility^ abounding m Effects, Pathetic, Jiloraf, Instructive, atid Delightful, being the * last that ever ivill be Jieard of those Txvo Popular Ueroet. PERFORMED, FOR THE FIRST TIME, ^t tifte MoiJal OPotiutg Wt^tsiXxt, ON MONDAY, JUNE 2, 1823. WRITTEJSr Br T. GRKE.XFFOODy ESq, And if Critics will pardon the pun, Their FUNERAL will make, if you transpose tlie Word, What is needed, when cheerless — REAL FUN. BALTIMORE: Printeil and Published by J. Robinson, Circulating Xibraro anti Bramatic lUpositorp. 94, Market-street. 1823. DRAMATIS PERSOJVJE, SURVIVING HEROES AND HEROINES. f Executor to Corinthian^ I Tom, deceased.— Conso |er to Corinthian Kate,- n^ L.,ic, £,,. ^ ^^^^pSISt"" S^;S h ^^. ^0^- oti his last L< gs, and be- 1 ginning to think of his | Llatter end, J Old Hawthorn^ f Jerry *s disconsolate Papa,') J preparing for Dfath in j „ . ^,..,,_, ^. ihe Couiitrij, whilst curs- >■ ^'^' -Lctef/Vny. Ling L//i: in London, J fate Valet to Tom, who-j having inadf pretty pick- j 1 iiiRS in his M ister's Life- j J lime, most decorously ' ,, „.,. j mourns for his ])i-«th, f ^^^* "'*'' ni(h humhfe hopes of los- J, 1 ing nothing hy the iJar- | Lgai", J Dusfy Boh, Billy IVaferSf African Salt, Little Jermny, plot Jielatienjbot parlicii-'^ I lnr Friends of the deceas- 1 I ed Gentlemen, wiio.on the | I receijjt of the mournful I I InU'lligence, resolve to I } wet tht- otiier Eye. and { J avail themselves of such ! Mr. George, 1 consolation as the Bnrk ; Mr. IhwcU. Mr. Harxcootl. Slums afl'ord to Covies in Mr. Htimmerstoru distr ess, vi-/,. Flashes of\ Scragg, the Stacker, | Liglitning, Sxvigs oJ'Jfcu- j Mr. Jones. I vy, Hemiy Stwvrs, Drojis | I of Doffy,'and Friar''s Bal j {.sam, J fKnights of the Katfle,-^ Constable of the Night, \ who receive the In'elli- 1 Mr. Gale. English Charley, j gi-nce with most unseemly | Mr. Aslrury, Irish Charley, \ Demonstrations of horrid j Mr. Maxrvell, And Cftarlcy's of et'^ Satisfaction, ajnicipating ^ ry Country and no | a con>for(able Snooze in I Cotmtry. I their. Private Boxes, un- 1 I disturbed by Corinthian \ LFreaks, J DRAMATIS PERSONiE, Corinthian Kate^ fn;» equivocal sort of Wio I (low, who cHii't help laugh- I inp with one Ey*", whilst cries with the other, her Dear Tom has her all he had to leave, considering all she i squeezed out of him I .whilst alive, die has no I reason to believe a great Ueai, I inp wit I she crit J se- ing \ 1 left her j which, I Mt&. Bradley. Sue, f with no more Mourning") ^ for Jerry, than he has >■ Mr&. Tcmnt, Ueft her in his Will, J tann'j, f Servant to Kate, but more~j intent on serviv^ her orvn I turn than lier Mistresses, I and resolving to stick to L the living Valft, out of f MU3 PfirroA. living respect to his dmd Mas- j ter, with some hopes of a i small Legacy, Mary Rosebud^ rMad, Miserable, and INIis-' j chievous, something like I Ophelia, but vet very, J mourniiig, not for Ham- J let. but her Jerry, with a j lurking intention of re- I venging her loss upon the KJ\\'"\^ of her Papa, Mrs. Ttrting, Various other Cadgers, Costermongeijs, Charleys, respectable BCqQflio& ances of the defunct heroes. ^ SHADES OF DEPARTED HEROES. fijEWsf pDot much the \?or8e for^ • his Journey to the other j of Corinthian] World, and suspected of'. Tom, "^ an inclination to resiune j I his Larks and Sprees in ' Mr. EKrbftJtavi. fmora like a Bodij than a~j I Spirit, but not at all a i Grave Subject, as much j { Up as Down, but not ve- 1 Gh■ Mr. Sfsmnn. I ing been to the other I Cuiinti J/, is wide awake [ 1 to the consequences of} IlIFE l^ LONDON. J ORDER OF THE PROCESSION, PRETIOUS TO LAST SCENE. FOUR Sweepers clearing the way. Two Boys bearing torches, alias links. Two Mutes with stases, surmounted with the Lilly Shallows of the departed Heroes. Two Jockeys. Four Flower and Match Girls. Logic, with his umbrella or spread, up and broken. Kote and Sue. Servants. Banners with cards painted,and inscription * Two Trumps Lost.' Board, with ' Rouge ei Noir lost upon Black,' written on it. A Man with a clock, ' Time's up.' Four Pugilisu properly dressed for sparring, and with crape tied round their arms. A man bearing the ropis, P. C. Billy fVatcrs, his fiddle in mourning. Dii^y Bob, bis bell muffled. Sw beside him drinking to drown sorrow. Little Jemmy in his sledge. The Charlies biuig up the rear. In the Course of the Piece will be introduced, A DEVILISH (not awkward) DANCE OF CHARLIES. On hearing of Tom and Jerry's death, with dismal Yells of Demoniac Joy in a dreadful Parody on 'the celebrated Witches' Chorus in Macbeth, composed by Locke. "Most Musical, most Melancholy," with a horrible Accompaniament of Rattles and Staves (Not on Heads).- Preparing to commit TOM and JERRY to their Mot/tcr Earth, they turn out further off" than rvas effected— a Hop, Step, and a Jump from Tears to Smiles.— Finale,— And Musical Epilogue by all the Cha MUSIC BY T. HUGHES. \ THE DEATH OF LIFE IN LONDON OR, TOM AND JERRY'S FUNERAL. SCENE l.~The Chojlnff Crib. * Enter Jamks and Fawnt. James. So now the debt is paid— lie's g-one poor man ! A debt we all must pay ; come cheer up Fan ! Fan. I thoiig-ht last night of ho/>e, there seem*d no sign. James. What did they call it Fan ? Fan. A deep decline. James. Oh no such tiling', that Squeezefee had no g'umtion, Decline indeed ! say galloping consumption ! Fan. ' Tis a good job for poor Miss Kate, 'tis clear. He's left her all his property I liear. James. But his estate was somewhat worse for wear, And like his habits, not in good repair. Fan. Yes, he was never niggard of his purse. James. As to th' estate, they'll put it out to nurse : This. Life in London is the verv devil ! And those who follow it soon finj^ tlie level. 1 said 'twould be so, their career's soon run. But as to mourning — Fan. I'm sure, James, I have nonor James. Oh he has left us that. Fan, never doubt. Fan. For places too we now must look about, I'll live with single men, no more that's fiat, 1* 5 THE DEATH OF LIFE IN LONDON; OR, James. But 'bout a character ? Fa7i. Miss Kate will give me that. James. Our characters, dear Fan, are lost I doubt ; If so, for new ones we must look about. Fan. This gloomy scene will give us both the vapours, James. Well ! I must go and put it in the papers ,- Mr. Bob Logic wrote the paragraph ; And bid me take it to the Teleifraph. Fan. But James, how silly 'tis of that Miss Kate, She wishes him they say to lay in state. James. What nonsense Fanny — state, I cant help laughing, Our poor dear Master, would have call'd that chaffing. But come, I am ordered to the finish Maker. Fan. The finish who ? James. My dear the undertaker. And by the bye, it will be quite as well To tell old Pickaxe — Fan. What ? James, To toll the bell. fExeunt. SCENE M.—A Chamber. The Window closed. Kate and Sue discovered in Mourning, xveeping bitterly ^ A black seal on the Letter in Kate's hand. A few bars of slow music. " My Lodging is on the Cold Ground.'-* Kate rises and speaks. Kate. Hung be the heavens with black, henceforth be seen Yon azure fir.ntiament in bombazeen ; Ye summer tflouds assume a graver sljape. And let your edges all be trimm'd with crape : Gone to that bourne from wnence no soul returns, To cheer the hapless, weeping o'er their urns. Thou migh'st as yet — the reckning Death have scor d And not the best- of Toms — untimely floor* d. TOM AND JERRY'S FUNERAL. How coulds't thou ruthless tyrant cause such woe, 'Ere pass'd our honey moon ? Oh — oh — oh — oh ! • Sue rises and speaks. Sue. Stars hide your heads, and shew no lust'rous spark And change the milky way — from light to dark ; Ye planets mourn — be full eclipsed the moon. And be each morning changed to afternoon. Be metamorphos'd the celestial globe. And let all nature wear grief's sable robe, — Let all be dark, as ripe Murella Cherries, For death has robb'd us of the best of Jerrys, Let all be chang'd, from Indus to the Po, And like my heart, a blank — oh I — oh — oh — oh ! ! DUET. - AiK. *' Then fare-well my trim-built -wherry." Kate, Then farewell, dear Tom and Jerry, Lilly ShalloTvs now farewell ; Never more at Almack^s merry, Shall our heroes take a spell. Sue. Then farewell to gig and laughing. Fetes and festivals, farewell, Death has silenc d all their chaffing.- Hark ! I hear — Saint Dunstan's b^-ll ! fa loud knock. Kate. f starting J Ah ! what was that ? Sue. Onl> the butcher, or perhaps the baker. Ktkte. Ah, me ! I fear d it was the undertaker / Enter Servant in black — gives Sub a Card. Sue. Oh, 'tis Bob Logic — shall we see him Kate ? Or shall he bid him in the parlour wait ? Kate. Ah Sue, 'twas he fii-st tempted Totn to sin, But I forgive him. — William, shew him in. CExit Servant. 8 THE DEATH OF LIFE IK LONt^ON ; OB, Enter Loeic in blacky his umbrella covered -with Crape. Logic. '* What still in tears," as Randolph iis'd'to say, Alas ! we're here to-morrow g'one to day ; But tears avail not — useless is that sig-h, Fretting- avaunt ! for sorrow's all my eye ! Look cheerful, damsels, and shake oil' these dumps, Kate. Ah where again shall we find two such trumps ? Logic. Both out and outers^ and a bang" up pair, Nothing" but good ones can their loss repair. *Tis a fat g'rief tho', Kate, — for let me add — Tom made a -ivill and left i/oii all he had. Jiate. Ah ! g-en'rous soul, he was too good by half, Too good to live dear man ! Logic, f aside J Hem ! that's all chajf ! r Takes oxit the -will. J See, here it is ! Kate. My beating heart lie still ! Logic. Come dry your peepers while I chaunt the ■will. CnKVNT.— Logic. I will and bequeath to the girl I adore, My estate in tlie country of Ballynapore. I give to Boh Logic when I'm in the dust. My new Lilly Topper, and best upper crust. My courage 1 leave to the lads of the ring, And my mufflers, three pair, to J^''eate,Bandall und Spring. Item, I bequeath, as 'twill be a dry job, A bottle of Daffy to young Dusty Bob. To the Charleys^ new words — to the ancient Te Deum ; My Sketches by Cruikshanks to th* British Museum, 1 leave poor .Tohn Bull, who talent espouses, Some blunt to improve JMlnor Managers' Houses. I leave to Pierce Egan, lest his muse should be undone, An unfinished sketch, for a new '* Life in London." My Tattler 1 will to my laundress, sweet Nancy, And my coinage of words, in a lump, to the fancy. Logic. And so dear Kate, you now muBt cease to grieve. v lOM AND JERRY'S FUNERAL. 9 Since Tom has left you all he had to leave ; I must away— (dry, dry these tears of sorrow) To make ai-rangements for my friends to-morrow. SONG Logic. Am. " With a pipe in one ha?id." With a spree on one side and a ro-ai on the other. In the cause of a true and tried friend ; With a foil in one hand and a muffler on t'other, Tom and Jerry both met their sad end. No more sliall they ramble^ nor kick up a dust. Death has closed both the valves of their bellows ; In a coffin of lead, each now lays down his head, And their friends mourn two hearty goodfellows.— Kate. What two hearty — S^ie. What two hearty — .911. And their friends mourn two hearty good fellows ! f Exeunt. SCENE lll.^Interior of Harvthorn Hall. Old HAWTHonif, m mournings discovered -writing and directing a letter. Old H. " To Peter Pickaxe, tomb and stone adorner, "No. 13, Grave Alley, Amen Corner." There, my poor boy, though sadly hard thy doom, I've given instructions for a handsome tomb ; In Hawthorn Church it shall adorn the wall. And teach the village to lament thy fall , Ah, .lerry, Jerry, what a Job you've made on't, Your London Youths soon make a pretty trade on't ; Curse " Lift in London" heartily say 1 — Tliis comes of making my poor Jerry "/^ / /" Enter Servant in monrning. fServ. Lord, Sir, here's Mary Rosebud at the gate. In such a wild and strange distracted state ; She calls young master her sweet mountain daisy j. I verily believe the poor girl's crazy. Old JL I shouldn't wonder — for she loved the lad, And disappointment drives the sex all mad. 10 THE DEATH OF LIFE IN LONDON; OR, Mart Rosebud sings -within. A voiith did woo a damsel fair. And love it was that brou^-ht him there : Said he, my dear, I'm come to wed. If you'll be to the altar led. Heigho ! Old H. Poor girl, she's lo»t ! abandoned to despair, Pale as her smicket, mad as a March hare ! I^xtur Mart Rosebud, mad^ and dressed fantaaticully f a basket in her hand — sinews — ril dig his grave. Til weave his shroud, I'll seal his lips with kisses ; A pattern be for all the proud And taudry London misses. I must to bed softly, though I cannot sleep, For sucii a Jerry who could cease to weep; He kiss'd me once, and oh, it was as sweet As Yorkshire pudding baked beneath the meat. ("Sees Hawthorn. J Good day, old gentleman. Old. If. She knows me not. tMary. Hast any wigs to sell ? I'll buy the lot. — I always tliought that Tom a shocking rake — They ve kill'd poor Jerry keepiitg \\\m aivake. No more my dearest shall obtain renown, By milling glaze, and knocking Charlies down. He lost his ticker first, and then his life ; And I, heiffhoy shall never be a wife ! Singe. Should you some coast be laid on. Where gold and diamonds grow. You'll find a richer maiden. But none that loves you so. Speaks. Here's crocuses for vou, and h>ps and hawsy 1 11 pluck some rosebuds when the weather thaws There's leeks for broth — I have no London pride, For all that wither'd when poor Jerry died. TOM AND JERRY'S FUNERAL. II Oid H. Mad as the devil quite a wither'd tree- Poor thing her senses are quite lost ! Jktart/. Ah me ! ah me ! Oh ! there he is — look, look at yonder cloud ! Dancing" a waltz with Tommy in his shroud. He's there / he's here ! racks, torments, and despair! He's gone ! he comes ! he's here — Old H. Where ? \ dont see him — shew me where. Mary. Art fond of mushroons } I will bring- a few ; We've often walk'd together when they gi-ew ; Ah, dearest Jerry, where's our promis'd bliss ? Dids't 'scape the tread mill to arrive at this ? Sure he won't perish in the pelting storm — I'll knit some nightcaps, they will keep hiin warm ! I'll do't, I'll do't ! Old //. I wish poor soul, she'd go ! Mary. I'll take the stage to Paternoster Row. They'll tell us all about it won't they dad? Old H» C aside J If you would go, I'm sure I should be glad. I'm quite alarm'd, and dread her very looks ! Mary. Good bye, I'm only going to the pastry-cook's. f Seizes him by the throat. J Villain ! Jew monster ! give me back my Jerry, Or in your heart this bodkin I will bwry ! Old 11. Oh lord \ oh lord ! . Mary. Fye, fye, old man, fye fye 1 I dare not stay, you've such a roguish eye ! Sings. Five bunches a penny primrose% Five bunches a penny ! Speaks. I'll teach his name to our old Sexton's patTot ; Good day, old gentleman — here^ tlierey my chariot f fExit. Old n. Follow her, booby, for in this madness fond. Perhaps she'll take a cooler in my pond ; fExit Servant. Poor thing ! poor thing ! I wish now I had stopp'd her! She loved my boy, and henceforth I'll adopt her! 1^ THE DEATH OF LIFE IN LONDON ; OR, But I must g-o and see the last of Jerry, Before my boy they so untimely bury — Order my chaise, leave nothing- needful undone, Oh wretched parent ! — Damn this Life in London CExit. SCENE IV.— Toyn's Chafing CHb. Enter Fannt a^irf James in mojcrning. Fan. Oh James, don't leave me, I'm in such a fright I had such horrifying- dreams last nig-ht. And at my bed's foot, holding by the post, As sure as eg-g-s are eggs, 1 saw his g'host. James. Pooh, pooh, you silly girl ; don't talk such Bluff! As master used to say, you're quite a muff! His ghost indeed ! no, no, he's had his batch; He'll rise no more, to come to this world's scratch. But hark ye, Fanny, what d'ye think I hear They say he's left me twenty pounds a year. He knew my worth I managed all his pelf. Let no one rob him Fanny, but — myself. In se: vice Fanny, we too long have tarried. So when the fun'ral's done we'll both be married. Take a snug inn, as you have often said. And call it, Fanny, The Corinthian's Head. <• What say you eh ? Fan. Aye, James, with all my heart : From this dull scene I'd willingly depart ; — And quit this London, this sad scene of sorrow ; So, if you Uke, James, let it be to-morrow. James. Agreed, but bustle. Fan, leave sad reflections, While I to Logic go for full directions. f Exeunt severally. TOM AND JERRY'S FUNERAL 13 SCENE Y.^The Cadgers at a Benefit Club Supper. Little Jemmy in the Chair. Dusty Bob, Black Sall, Billy Waters, Sweeping Jemmy, English Sailor, Scrag the Butcher^ Cado-ers Costermongers, &c. &c. fA general laugh. All. A veiy good song and very well sung. Jolly companions every one ! Chcdr. Ha I ha ! what shall we say, Jem, after that 'ere chaunt ? Jem. " Success to Cadgers, may they never want !'* Chair. 1 prize that sentiment, 'tis quite to my own thinking, An excellent excuse beside for drinking ; Dusty. I say, my rum one ! what ye arter. Jack ? Give us the heavy, let me ha' my vhack. Come, Sarah, bite — 'tis your drink now my chuck ; There wet your whistle. Sail. Tanky Bob, here's luck ! Scragg. I rise, Mister Chairman, a health to propose. Which no Gemman here can in justice oppose. Upstanding, unkiver'd, I hope it will be. Here's my friend, Busty Bob, with a fire of three ! fThey drink. OmJies. Huzza ! huzza ! huzza ! Dusty. Ladies and gemmen, coveys and the rest, I rise to thank you, and I'll do my best ; Don't put me out, now, there's Fan Giggle laughing, I'm but a dummy, you all know at chaffing ; Although on pewter never turn my back, Vy lord, you know 1 love to ha' my vack : Stay, I've forgot. Id something else to say. But that 'ere heavy's took my speech away ; For this here honor, and that there support, I humbly thanks you. Scrag. Oh, Bob, cut it short. Bob. So, in return, don't put me out I say, , I'lltake fornothing, all your dust away. Billy Bravo ! Massa Bob, veil speakee and pat. Bob not such a fool as he looks for all -^'^ i4 THE DEATH OF LIFE IN LONDON; OR, Jem. A songf, a song-, and here — refill the cruet. Scr ff. No, no, let's have from Sail and Bill a duet. Billy. Wid all my heart — de duet, of all tings. Like any teakettle poor Billy sings. Bob. And as to Sarah, I don't tell a story. She's fit to sir.g at any rorytonj. Scrag. From east to west, from north to south, Come lug it out, and Sarah, give it mouth ! Sail. No, Massa Bob, me got bad cold, me hoarse. Chair. Oh then we must excuse her. Ml Oh, of course ! of course ! Chair. Come Teddy Scrag, you're at all in the ring! Scrag. Upon my lionour. Mister Chairman, I can't sing. Jemmy. Oh, that's a good one! now 1 can't help laughirg. Billy. Dat what my friend, dere Bob call chaffing. Come tv(nv it ofi', me come into de middle, And while you tinging Billy playde fiddle. Bob. Lay hold here Billy, this will *vhose age was 34, And Jerry Hawthorn 22, — no more I After a bold and glorious career. It pleas'd dark destiny to interfere ; 16 THE DEATH OF LIFE IN LONDON; OR, And cut the thread of these ilkistrious blades, Who thus were sent untimely to the shades ; Time gave the cue the prompter rang- the bell. And all lamented when the curtain fell." l^Sall faints and falls into Bob's arms. Chair. AVere ever trumps so floor'd before ? Scra^. Oh, no ! Poor fellows, thev are spoke to. ^11. ' Oh, oh, oh ! JBob. Pluck up a spirit, Sail, and don't cry so. Sa/I. Ah, Massa Bob, I can't keep tears from flow. Billy. >en no more mag-g-s for Billy, curse him Death, To kill poor Massa, take away him breath ! iScraj. Sorrow is dry, Itandl. My grief is quite profound I Billy Suppose we have a drop of daffy round. Bob. Agreed, agreed, 'twill keep our spirits up. Billy. We'll chaunt dere rekeem in a cheerful cup. Bottle brought. CHORUS. Sorrow is dry ; Come wet t'other eye ; To grieve o'er the past is a folly : Then let us be merry. Here's poor Tom and Jerry, Those heroes who lived and died jolly. Exit'SA.nA.R, leaning her head on Bob's shoulder. SCENE VI. — Logic's Chambers in the Jilbany. Enter Logic in a thoughtful attitude^ his arms folded^ Uc\ Logic. It shall be so. Logic thou reason'st well. Else whence the strong desire to quit Pall Mall ; I'll change my habits quickly, very quick, My pals are fled, and I will cut my stick ! The Floorer General I've as yet cajoled. And often reason has ci'ied, Logic, hold ! I'll give it up, cut rambles, larks and sprees. Nor keep such correspondents more as these'. TOM AND JEllU'YS FUNERAL. 17 Takes a note from his pocket and reads. " Last nig-ht, dear Bob, the alderman aboard, " Sam, Dick, and I, five drunken Charlies floored! "But reinforced, determined on a btxtch, "Anon they came like good ones to the scratch ; "Again we mill'd 'em and then call'd a drag, " Drove to a hell to sport at Tat a some rag ,• •* Clean'd out three mutls at glorious black and fed, " Roll'd to the Fmisii, and ti'cu reel'd to bed. " To-morrow into training" mean to go, *• So can't at Taiteraal's on Monday siiew : " My mare's in physic ; — best regards to Sue. " Ever a-wake, dear Rob, you're doun, adieu /" This life is death I find, it don't accord, My neVves are shatter'd and I'm all abroad ; Yes, yes, I'll cut tlis folly, go to drill, *» Reform in time, when men think least 1 will." SONG. Logic. Air.--*'' Corinthian's Diartj.''' Oh, London, dear Bob, lienceforlh avoi<]. Nor practice on yourself dehision ; Better, much better is lime employ d, Than in such riot and confusion: Give up the farce of hops and hays, Stick to your books, retire to college ; Leave flooring watchmen, milling glaze. And get a stock of useful knowledge. Fatal effects result from larks, From sprees, and such nocturnal jjarleys ; From high-bred swells, from raking' sparks, And such mad sport as bo.iing Charleys. Leave off in time this crying sin. Give every vice and foliy over ; Quit London and its noisy din, And in retirement live in clover. [Exit, 18 THE DEATH OF LIFE IN LONDON; Oli, SCENE. Wh— Inside of a Public House,- or the Watch- house. The Charleys rejoicing. The President in an elevated Box at the Head of the Table. . l loud and boisterous Laugh occasionally. Pres. Drink, drink about, my boys, come that's your sort. Henceforth, my lads, we sliall have g-lorious sport; These curs'd Corinthians are at rest at last. Thanks be to Death, our hour of peril's past. Irish W. True, Master Lung's, they're under lock aad key. They're safe at rest, and, thank God, so are we. Tres. No more kick-ups at Eovv-street, no complaining. Irish W, No, the ould gemman's got 'em both in training, Pres. Come here's a toast no Charley can refuse : Shrouds to Corinthian Captains and their crews. Insh W. With all my soul — 1 only say as how, I think we're one upon their Tibhy now ! Pres. Bravo, Put Leary — Snug enough they lay — We mill d 'em once though, coming from the play, 2nd W. Aye, so we did ; warn't that the time o' day ? Irish W. Arrah be aisy ! brothers, that's not right; By ould Saint Patrick, 'twas the time o* night / Pres No more turn-ups. 2nd W. No, no more cutting capers. Irish. No, no more starring sconces with shai'p scrapers. Pres. We now can rest. Irish W. Secure from frights and fears. Pres. In my box. Bob, 1 haven't slept Irish W. Two years — two years. Inside they bruised me, so in one big fall, Sure I'd my box screivUl fast against the wall. Pres. A good thought, Pat, and worthy such a setter ; Screw's a good dog, but Holdfast is a better. Irish W. For one short nap a night to stand the roast : Why don't our betters leep upon their post P ML Ha! ha! ha! Pres. And if to ken-cracking one oft subscribes, We're not the only Watchmen who take bribes. But now my masters, as our foes have sherried^ And will to-morrow (as I heary be buried — Irish W. We'll all attend, 'twill be gontule, well bred, Sure they ca-n't mill us now becase they're dead/ TOM AND JERRY'S FUNERAL. 19 Pres. Now, brother Charleys, one more parting cup, And then like sober darkey-keepers we'll break up, CHORUS — From Macbeth. "When bloods and street peace-breakers. Mad swells, and drunk moon-rakers. Are food for undertakers. What should we do ?— -Rejoice ! rejoice ! When we, like cunning" foxes. Get our duty done by proxies. To sleep within our boxes. What should we do ? — Rejoice ! rejoice ! Let's Jiave a dance while we have breath; We gain new life by such foes' death ; Henceforth night brawls and rows shall cease, Having no foes to break our peace, So nimbly, nimbly, nimbly, nimbly, nimbly foot It still. To the echo— to the echo— to the echo of the treading-mill. f Dance — Shout — Exeunt, SCENE Vin.— .4 Street. A feiv Bars of Jierial Music ,• after -which the Stage is darkened a Utile.-- A Clap of Thunder is heard.---T/ie Ghosts of Tom and Jerry rise on ttvo opposite Traps. They start at seeing each other, but not violently ,• as the ivhole of the scene must be very still and subdued. Jerry. Ah, Cousin Tom, pray tell me how d'ye do ; Tom. C Advancing and shaking hands. J Very well, thankye, Jerry ; how are you ? Jerry. Keen very queer, Tom, since I left the earth, And not at all in love with my new birth. But are we really dead, Tom', bona fide ? Tom. Dead as small beer, my pink, a week next Friday : Why if we're not, why o'er that river feiTy us ? Besides, they mean, I hear, to-day to bury us. Jerry. Oh lord ! Oh lord ! Tom, this is really being doion ; I wish to heaven I'd never come to town. 20 DEATH OF LIFK IN LONDON ; OR, What will the old o?i