017 198 484 1 • HoUin^er Corp. pH8.5 ^ ^Joy^, // ^^HAT'S TONIGHT? 2.-> C'KNTS TMK C'OPV !i>2.()(> TMK DOZKX THE ARK C^INC IXNATI OHIO ^ ^ ^ c\ H ^CID 25768 WHAT'S TO NIGHT. WWi Conisfjt? A CHANUKKAH FARCE COMEDY IN TWO ACTS. By SAMUEL S gROSSMAN Copyright hlovemher 1911 DRAMATIS PERSONAE. ( Characters in the order in which they appear.) JuDAH The Oldest Boy, a Poet Martha The Oldest Girl Gertrude A "Cry-Baby" Simon A "Busy Little Man" Mrs. Jacoi? Greexp.aum. .Their Mother Nora The Irish Hired Girl Mr. Jacob Greenbaum. ...Their Father Bessie The Youngest of the Family PLACE — A room in the Greenbaum liome. TIME — The Sunday afternoon before Chanukkah. SYNOPSIS OE CHARACTERS. JuDAH. age about 15: a thoughtful Ijov. incHned to be poetical ; the oldest of the Greenbaum children. Martha, age about 13; a neat little school girl. Gertrude, age about 9 ; always cryhig about something or other, until she finds out What's Tonight. Simon, age about 11 ; a comical little fellow, interested in war stories, and al- ways pretending to be in a hurry and very busy. Nora, an Irish servant, with a love for Jewish customs and holidays. Mr. and Mrs. Greenbaum, parents of tl'iese children ; good Jews. Bessie, the youngest of the family ; a tot of about 6. attending Sunday school in the afternoon. Scene — A room in the home of the Greenbaum family. Entrances at right and left, leading to inner room and kitchen: at back, center, leading out- side. On the stage there is a table, in the center: choirs around the table, and tzi'o chairs or settees front stage, on each side: also ordinary properties, such as clock, etc., and near the back center en- tiance^a clothes and hat hanger. (As the curtain rises Judah is discov- ered at a seat by the table. He is read- ing zvith great interest a letter in his hand.. Martha enters, and quietly takes a place behind his chair, u^atching him closely as she advances front the right ciit ranee.) Martha — Well, well, Judah, so you are writ- ing poetry again ! Just like you ! What are you trying to rhyme now? Judah (looking up and hiding the letter) No, no, Martha, I'm not trying to write poetrv at all just now. Here is something that is dearer to us than all the rhymes I could ever write. Martha (catching sight of the paper, jo\- fully)— Oh, a letter from father I Poor father, he is always traveling to other cities on business, and is never home, except for the Jewish holidays. ■ Let me see that letter. What does papa write ? Judah (takes the letter to himself) — No, no ! You must not see it before the rest of the children, Martha. This is a special note from father to be read only when all the children get together. Martha— That's strange. There must be something awfully queer in it. for he has never written like that before. You know, Judah, he usually writes only to mother. Do let me see it ! Judah — I am sorry. The envelope says this ^A^ HAT'S TO NIGHT. is for all of us children, and so you will have to wait, that's all! Martha (begging) — Ah, please, mayn't I see it? The rest of the children won't care, any- how. Judah — O yes, Gertrude — MartJta— Gertrude ! Why, she is a such a cry- baby. All she can do is to cry. She won't understand what the letter means at all. Judah — But Simon? Martha — He won't care. He is such a sleepy- head about these things. All he knows is war stories and Alger books. He won't care, I'm sure. Judah — You mustn't think that way of them, Martha, for I'm sure they both love papa very much,, and would not want to miss a single word of the let- ter, whether they understood or not. And how about the baby, Bessie? Martha — Ha, ha ! You don't mean to read it to the baby, do you? Why, she is only 6 years old, and isn't home, anyhow. She's in Sunday school this afternoon, because she's too small to get up and go in the morning. Do let me see the letter, won't you, Judah? Judah — No, Martha, I shan't disobey father's instructions. We won't wait for the baby, but the rest must hear it. Calling ofif the stage and rising) Ger- trude ! Simon ! Come on, everybody. I have something good here for you ! (Meanzvhile puts the letter in his pocket. Turning, he sees Martha sob- bing. ) Martha (sobbing) — You're a mean, mean brother, that's all. Every book that I have ever read that has poets in it says they're all nice to their sisters, and you — you make up a lot of poetry, and you aren't a bit nice to me — you even won't let me see the letter, so there! Judah (turns to her and pets her) — Come, come, Martha!. Don't you know I like you very much, as all brothers should like their sisters, and didn't I even write you a poem for your doll when she hurt the sawdust in her head? You mustn't tell me to do what mamma told me not to do, just because I'm your brother, must you? (Here the voice of Gertrude, crying, is heard tvithoiit, and both turn to the right, ivherc the sobbing comes from,.) Martha — No, but why don't you let me see the letter? Oh, here comes Gertrude, the Cry-Baby herself ! Now you can read the letter ! (Enter Gertrude. She is sobbing and crying in one tone during all of the following scenes until otherwise men- tioned, zuith her arm over her eyes, and her zvhole body convulsed.) Gertrude — Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo! (Cries as she ad- vances slozvly across the stage. Judah takes a step' forzvard and attempts to soothe her.) Judah — What's the matter now, Gertrude? Gertrude (cries harder zvithout reply- ing)— Boo-hoo ! Martha— Oh, she's always crying ! Gertrude (same action) — Boo-hoo-boo-hoo-boorhoo ! Martha (angrily) — I wonder if there is anything in all the world that would make her stop crying. (Judah, in despair, trying to calm her, motions to Martha to be quiet and sit dozvn by the table. She does so zvith an nnzviUing air, zvhile Judah and the still-sobbing Gertrude zvalk front stage.) Judah (petting her) — - Come, come, Gertrude, tell your big brother what's the matter. Has any- one hurt you? Gertrude (same crying tone) — No-o-oh. Boo-hoo-hoo ! WHAT'S TO NIGHT. Jiidah — Or called you names ? Gertrude (same action) — No-o-oh, boo-hoo ! Jndah (impatiently) — Well, what is the matter, then? Gertrude (still crying very hard, and speaking in a sobbing voice) — Boo-hoo — Last S-Sunday I went to Sunday school — boo-hoo — and the other girls knew their lessons better than I did — boo-hoo — Jndah — Well? Gertrude — And that — boo-hoo — that's what made me cry — boo-hoo. Jndah (smiling) — Too bad. indeed ! You should have done vour work better today ; that's all. Gertrude (still crying as before) — I d-d-did ! This morning I went to Sunday school — boo-hoo — and I knew my lessons better than they did — boo ! Martha — Well, that's good! What of that? Gertrude — And that's what made me cry — boo- hoo! Jndah (turning to Martha unth a dis- gusted air; tJicn speaking to Gertrude, whom he leads to the seat at the front of the stage) — What a silly little girl you are to cry over every little thing. But do stop sobbing that way (she cries harder) and I'll read you a letter. Martha (at the table) — Guess who it's from : it's really from father, from '''New York ! Gertrude — I do so want to see father ! Boo- hoo-hoo-hoo ! Judah (seating her) — Here, if you'll only sit down and keep quiet for five minutes, you'll hear from father. (She sits front stage, still sobbing, but in a lozvered tone.) *NoTE — For New York productions of this play the heading of the letter should be changed to some other city. Gertrude — All right, I won't cr> — boo-hoo! Jndah — Now I'll start! (He takes out the letter from his pocket and zvalks over to the table. As he is about to start Gertrude bursts out crying again.) Gertrude — Boo-hoo — boo-hoo — boo-hoo ! Martha (jumping up from her seat in anger) — Gertrude ! Didn't you just promise not to cry ? Gertrude (same action) — Boo-hoo — I — just reminded — my- self — boo-hoo — Martha and Judah (together) — W^hat? Gertrude — Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo — Papa said I mustn't cry when he's away — boo-hoo. He's so good to me ! Boo-hoo ! Judah (7vearily) — Then why don't you ever stop? (Gertrude is nozv in the seat at the front of the stage, left; Martha has risen from her position at the left of the table and is looking off at the en- trance, right center. Judah. at the back of the table, is engrossed in a si- lent reading of the letter.) Martha (looking off through the door at the right) — Gracious, here comes Simon ! (Simon, a little fellow of about ii, enters by the door, r. c. He walks zvith an air of great dignity, abstracted in a large book, zvithout noticing anx- one in the room or looking up from his reading. . Grossing the stage complete- ly in this manner, he passes Gertrude, left-front, zvhile Martha and then Judah follozn' him zi'ith their exes in silent amusement. Gertrude suddenlv sobs out loud and Simon, scared, looks up from his book and quickly hides the volume in back of him in great surprise.) Simon (gasping) — My, but I almost got scared. (Turns.) Look at that ! Everybody's here, and I didn't know it. (With a condescending air) WtW. (Takes up W^HAT'S TO NIGHT. his book again and opens it.) Judah (advancing a fezv steps) — That must be an interesting book, I suppose ? Simon (enthusiastically) — This book? Oh, my, it's just great! Martha — Look, look, Simon actually forgets to be absent-minded when he talks about his books. See how his eyes are sparkling ! Simon (quickly) — All about heroes and great big wars, and magneriferous fightin' ; an' ad- ventures, and contests, an' — an' — and — Judah — Take your time when you talk, little philosopher! Are you going for a train? Sit down, be calm for a few minutes, and listen to me. I have something very interesting to tell you. Martha (motioning Simon to the seat at right, front stage, and rapping on the table for order) — Now, everybody silent. . Here comes a surprise ! (Simon seats himself re- luctantly as directed, and makes sev- eral attempts during the ensuing scene to open up his book again.) Simon — There can't be anything more inter- esting than this book. (Tries to read.) Gertrude (who has all this time been sit- ting zvith her head on her arm, occa- sionally sobbing) — Boo-hoo! It's a letter from Father, from New York ! Simon (putting aside book zvith a pom- pous, condescending air) — From Father ! ■ Why, my father is a regular hero himself. Well, Til listen for two minutes and a half, if it's from father. That's all the time T can-spare, bein' a very busy man myself ! Martha — All right, philosopher, pay attention if your time is so precious, and don't look in that book. All ready? Go ahead, Judah ! Gertrude (bursting out in tears) — Boo-hoo — Fm readv ! Simon (taking up his book again) — There's just two minutes and twen- ty seconds left of my time ! Judah — Well, now I will start it at last, if no one will disturb me any more. This letter came last night and mother just gave it to me. It is from father. Gertrude (bursting out again) — Boo-hoo — Judah (impatiently) — Well, what's the matter now ? Gertrude — Boo-hoo-hoo — Papa says I shouldn't cry when he's away in New York. Simon — It's a good thing you know that much ! Now you have wasted just five more seconds. Hurry, Judah, I'm a busy man. I have no time. (As Judah reads the follozving let- ter Martha is seated at the left of the table, zvhile Judah stands to the right; Gertrude front left; Simon front right, sitting.) Judah (reads) — "New York (till in date). To my darling children : Judah, the youthful poet ; Martha, my pet ; Gertrude, the cheerful little one" — Gertrude (crying very hard) — I — never cry ! Boo-hoo-hoo ! JudaJi — "And Simon, my little philoso- pher'' — Simon (zvith enthusiasm^ szvelling zvith pride) — Say, isn't father a grand man, and a hero, and a — Martha (stopping him) — You're wasting ten seconds now ! Judah — "And my dear baby Bessie" — Simon (loo-king around the room) — Oh, she's in Sunday school. (Mar- tha frozvns at him for his interrup- tions, and he puts his hands on his lips as a silent promise.) Judah (continuing to read) — "Dear children : I have not been home since the last Jewish holidays. I shall come home tonight again to WHAT'S TO NIGHT. see you — (Simon dro[