T HE COLLEGE CHUM S HiURY L. NEWTON'S One-Act Comedy Sketches, Monologues and Dramatic Episodes ACTOR AND THE JANITOR, THE A Comic Novelty Act CASEY THE INVENTOR A Vaudeville Comic CHATTE Monologue for Males COLLEGE CHUMS, THE A Comedy Incident DOWN IN PARADISE ALLEY Comedy Sketch FAMILY SECRET Monologue GIVE THE WOMEN A CHANCE A Suffragette Monologue IMMIGRANT INSPECTOR A Comedy Talkfest IN A CABARET Comedy Crossfire INVITATION TO THE BALL Comedy Sketch IZZY'3 VACATION A Summer Episode JACK AND HIS QUEEN, A A Comedietta KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL Comedy Sketch MEET MY WIFE A Comedy Drama MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE, THE A Comedy Domestic Upheaval PAIR OF PANTS, A Talking Act ROSE OF MEXICO, A A Drama SALLIE AND SAMMIE A Comedy Skit SPIRIT OF CAPTAIN KIDD. THE Comedy TWO GIRLS AND HIM Comedy Sketch WHAT EVERY WOMAN THINKS SHE KNOWS Suffragette Monologue Price, 25 Cents Each M. WITMAFK & SONS Witmark Buildin^t I44-H6 West 37th Street, New York FRANK DUMONT'S FAMOUS PLAYS "A TRAMP AMONG CRANKS," Or PERPETUAL MOTION. Sketch for 6 males. By Frank Dumont. A laughable experience in a sanitarium of '^eccentric" inventors. Contains an excellent low comedy part. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. ''TWO WOMEN AND ONE MAN." Sketch for two females. By Frank Dumont. CAST OF CHARACTERS. Bella Sanders, | Estelle Williams, ) College Chums Two schoolmates meet, not having seen each other since leaving college. The talk over old times is very Amusing. Naturally, they talk over the good and bad points of other mates, although neither believed in ^'running down" their neighbors. While in college they had agreed never to marry without consulting the other, but time changes matters and they both fall in love with the same man. Nothing could bring discord to these two loyal friends— but — the man — makes a charige, and, womanlike, they abuse each other with the tongue. It turns out that the man marries one of their despised mates, so nothing is left but to console each other by ridiculing the man's choice. Excellent sketch for two ladies. Can be done in white or black face. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. •^LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD." A Modern Musical Burlesque. By Frank Dumont. Five Males — Two Females. There are many burlesques on "Little Red Riding Hood." Mr. Dumont, however, has really outdone all others on this occasion. Ours is an unusual production. We have incorporated all the musical numbers in the book of the play, including the dramatic or cue music. Any musical society can handle this version. Contains •excellent speaking parts and abounds in good comedy lines and music. Price, 50 cents, postpaid. With complete piano score of original vocal and incidental numbers. We also rent manuscript arrangements for orchestra when desired. M. WITMARK & SONS 87 Witmark Bldg. New York POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. THE COLLEGE CHUMS A COMEDY INCIDENT By HARRY Iv. NEWTON Copyright MCMXIV by M. IVitmark (^ Sons International copyright secured Published by M. WITMARK & SONS Witmark Building, New York CHICAGO LONDON ^Cjfi rwx n. sJ^ THE COLLEGE CHUMS Note. — The acting rights of this Play are expressly reserved by the Publishers, to zvhom Theatrical Managers who wish to produce it should apply. Amateur representations may be made without such application and without charge. SEP -2 1914 ©CID 38031 i' CHARACTERS. Tom Wilde A Convivial College Chap, Webster Bridge His Chitm. Scene — A Street in ''One/' Time.— 10 P. M. SYNOPSIS The Yell College baseball nine has been defeated by the Stafford nine, and Wilde is celebrating the defeat of his nine by a riotous evening. He re- moves a barber pole from its customary perch and is ''hitting the high places" when discovered by Bridge. The latter incidentally also discovers a foundling in a basket, which, at first, places him in something of an embarrassing position. Plowever, the baby works a change in both boys, as the story unfolds. Both characters are dressed as typical college youths. The general make-up of Wilde must sug- gest a leaning towards the flashy, while that of Bridge is on the more sedate order. Wilde is a careless, happy-go-lucky chap and optimistic. Bridge, prudent and pessimistic, but withal a good- hearted chum. PROPERTIES. Barber pole ; cigarettes, market basket, w^hite cloth to cover basket, dummy baby in basket. DIAGRAM OF STAGE. O.R.C. CO. b.l-.C. I J I HZ.B. L,C. ^ t..uc V AUDIE.NCE* L. I E. — Left first entrance. R. I E. — Right first entrance. L. U. E. — Left upper entrance. C. — Centre of stage. R. C. — Right centre of stage. L. C, — Left centre of stage. C. D. — Centre door. D. R. C. — Door right centre. D. L. C. — Door left centre. "THE COLLEGE CHUMS." [At rise of curtain, Wilde is heard singing (off) in maudlin fashion, then enters, lugging a barber pole. He advances to center stage and sets it up- right. The bottom of pole should be sufficiently weighted to permit his leaning against it without its toppling over. He leans against the pole, gives vent to a silly laugh, which is checked by a sharp hiccough. He then fishes a cigarette from coat pocket and puts it in mouth, after comedy biz of trying to locate mouth, then searches pockets for a match as he begins speech, leaning against pole.] Tom. — I told the doctor I wasn't feeling well and he told me to take something. So I did. I took a few highballs. (Laughs). Then as a chaser I took this dear old barber pole, so I would have something to lean the poor highballs against when the earth began to do a two-step, barn dance and Indian dances, which the said earth did about 15 minutes ago. I don't like that barber anyhow. He's got a double chin, both of which are devoted to conversation. Then this morning he told me he'd give me two dollars to paint this pole. I told him I would but I didn't have any striped paint. (Laughs, then sudden check zi'ith hiccough). I was standing down at the corner a few minutes ago, and a stranger came up to me and said, Young man, give me $10.00 and I'll have the jani- tor of that tall building turn it around for you. Go on and run along, I says, I owe that janitor $40.00 already. (Almost falls, but grabs pole and swings around it). THE COLLEGE CHUMS Enter Bridge, L. L He carries a large market basket in right hand, over which is spread a white cloth. Inside basket is a dummy baby, to represent one about six months old. He stops short on dis- covering Wilde, then sets basket down deep center, advances to Wilde, puts both hands in coat pockets and stares angrily at him. Slight pause before speech. Bridge {sternly) Drunk again. Tom (hie) So am I, old chap. So am L Bridge — I'm ashamed — deeply ashamed. Tom — Come on and grab ahold of the pole, then folks won't get next. Say, that's nearly a joke. Barber pole and next. Get it? (Laughs). Bridge (^^^rn/3;)~Tom Wilde, you are certainly a choice bit of human anatom}^ WTiat in the world did you get intoxicated for to-night? Tom — Oh, you mean why did I get a souse on? Webster Bridge, I'm surprised at you. I am cele- brating. Bridge — Celebrating what ? Tom — The glorious victory of our baseball nine. Our dear old Yell College boys licked the living splinters out of Stafford. Bridge — AA'hat ! Why, man, you're clean dafify. Our boys were beaten to a severe frazzle. Nine to three. That was the score to-day. Nine to three. Tom — To-day ? Bridge — Yes, to-day. Tom — Oh, Tm not speaking of to-day. Three THE COLLEGE CHUMS years ago we licked 'em, eight to nothing. Thafs the victory Lm celebrating, old chap. (Gives vent to college yell). Bridge — Tom, this is my second year at Yell Col- lege, but with all my hard study and grind, I find my vocabulary totally inadequate to express my deep disgust at your depraved conduct. I have tried to be a good chum to you in every way, and no one can say it's the environment that leads you into evil ways. You drink, play poker, neglect your studies and smoke cigarettes. Bah ! Cig- arettes : The curse of student life, the ban of the faculty. Cigarettes : dwarfing the physique, clouding the intellect, bringing tears to the mother's eyes and wringing weary sighs from the fond father's heart. My boy, can nothing move you? Come now, what do you say? Tom {During tirade has been feeling in pockets -for a match, but at the same time has been listening with seeming gravity, puts cigarette in month). Say, Webb, have you got a match about you? Bridge {Turns away impatiently.) Oh, what's the use: I might as well talk to that barber pole. Tom (Laughs) — You old grind. Why can't you see the bright side of things? I'll bet you haven't smiled in five years, have you? Bridge {Turns to Tom, placing hands gently on both shoulders) . Old Chap, life is a serious prop- osition to me. Perhaps at that I enjoy it in my own way fully as much as you think you do in THE COLLEGE CHUMS yours. I don't like to preachy but if I could make vou see the error of your ways — but it's no use. I got you to go to church several times, and each time you went to sleep. Did you ever break your- self of the habit of sleeping in church? Tom — Sure — entirely. Bridge— Why, that's good. How did you do it? Tom — ^Quit going to church. Bridge — Oh, what's the use ! Tom — Well, outside of those few things you mentioned, I'm all right, ain't I? Bridge — You have some redeeming qualities. For instance, I never knew you to run after women. Tom — My boy, never run after a street car or a woman — there'll be another one along in a couple of minutes. Bridge (Impatiently) — This nonsense must stop. L intend to take you strictly in hand. Come on home. It's time you were in bed. Last night you were out late. What time did you turn in last night ? Tom — Say, Webb, it was so late last night when I crawled in that I was ashamed to look the clock in the face. (Laughs.) ^ Bridge — I thought as much. Now here — here's this barber pole thing. Where did you get tangled up with that? Tom— Say, kid, that's what I call a brilliant idea. Carry your own prop with you, see? Then you don't have to wait till one comes along and bumps into you. THE COLLEGE CHUMS Bridge — Yes — very brilliant. Your conduct will be the talk of the town. You'll be ostracised from all society. Everybody will cut you dead. And what do you suppose the barber will do? Tom — I suppose the barber will cut me too, first chance he gets. Bridge — Oh, you can joke all you're a mind to, but the fact remains that now you are nothing more or less than a common thief. Yes, it pain, me deeply to say it, but you are a thief. Not con- tent with all your other vices, drinking, gambling, smoking cigarettes, etc., etc., you now cap the climax by steahng an honest barber's pole — Tom — Go on — rub it in. (Finds a match in poc- ket, brings it out, holds it up and smiles broadly at it.) Gee whiz, I've found a match! (Lights cigarette and takes two or three ecstatic puffs) Bridge (Turns on heel) — Oh, I'm going home. Tom (Turns and discovers basket) — Say Webb, what's doing with the basket thing? Bridge (Whirling about and looking at basket) —Oh, that? Really, I don't know. Tom — Don't know^ ? Isn't that your basket. Bridge (Slowly) — Yes and no. Tom — What's in it? Bridge — I don't know, Tom. I stumbled over it coming from the lecture hall. It was on the door step, and, being in a hurry to round you up, I never even stopped to examine it. Tom — I'm hungry — ^^it looks like a lunch from where I stand. THE COLLEGE CHUMS Sound of a baby's cry is given. The imitation may be worked by stage hand back of drop. Bridge {Starting in surprise) — Well, by George! Tom {Looking suspiciously from Bridge to bas- ket) — That's no lunch, Webster Bridge. That's a baby. {Goes close to Bridge, faces him, hands in pockets, with mock severity in voice and manner.) Mr. Bridge, Lm surprised at you — and deeply shocked! In all the years I've spent in Yell Col- lege, my vocabulary is totally inadequate to ex- press my deep disgust at your awful conduct. You, an abductor of innocent babies ! Don't speak. Listen. It's not the environment that impels you to stoop to such a crime, for I never kidnapped a kid in all my life. No — it's not that. {Almost crying.) Oh, Webb, how could you do it? I may steal an honest barber pole — I mean, a poor barber, but I draw the line at poor little innocent babies. Oh, you — {baby cries again.) Bridge — Stop ! You've gone far enough. On my w^ord of honor I did not know^ — Tom — Don't speak to me, you scoundrel ! Stand aside. Justice shall be served! {Goes to basket and takes out baby, holds it up.) By gosh, If it ain't a regular baby. {Lays it back in basket, then takes cigarette from mouth and tosses it away, then removes hat and gazes reverently down at baby.) Bridge {Taking off hat and bending over basket) — Well, what do you think of that ! {Goes to pick baby up.) THE COLLEGE CHUMS 10 Tom — (Thrusting him aside.) No, you don't. I'm the foundling's home. Come on tootsie-woots. Want to come to papa? {Holds out his hands, then takes baby up.) Oh, you kiddo ! Look at the son-of-a-gun, \\^ebb, he's smiling to beat aces up. Bridge (Smiles broadly, then playfully chucks a finger under baby's chin) — Say, Tom, he's a beaut, isn't he? Tom — (Looking at Bridge.) Gee whiz, if old deacon Bridge hasn't got a smile on his face — the first one I ever saw there (/6> baby.) Say, kid, you're a w^onder ! Bridge — Say, Tom, I wonder if it's a boy or a girl? Tom — I don't know. I'm a stranger around here myself. Bridge — (Laughs, then:) Look out, Tom, ifs going to cry. ToM — It's? What do you call it ''it's" for? Bridge — Well, how do we know — Gee, look at it's face — all puckered up. Tom — (Bouncing baby up and dozvn and jump- ing about.) I wonder what they do to 'em when they cry? Bridge — (Drawlingly.) Oh, different things — Tom — (Excitedly.) Go on, do something. It'll bust in a minute. (Jumps madly about.) Bridge — (Jumps about with him, then both give vent to college yells and Indian zvar cries.) Look, look, he's laughing again. (Stops jumping.) 11 THE COLLEGE CHUMS Tom — {Stands still and looks at baby.) Gee, I should think he would. Ell bet he never saw anything quite so funny before in all his life. (Thoughtlessly allozi^s baby's head to fall dozi^n- ward, holding it by bottom of dress.) Say, I for- got. You didn't explain to me how you came by this. You — Bridge — (Yelling.) Look out there. Look the way you're holding him. Tom — (Madly grabbing baby and putting it straight in arms.) Whew! Bridge — You're a fine mother, you are. Say, there may be something in the basket — a note or something. (On knees, hands in basket, brings out a large square white cloth, holds it up.) Wonder what this is? Tom — That's his handkerchief, you rummie. Bridge — Of course. (Fumbles in basket, brings forth an envelope zvith sheet of paper inside.) Ha, here's the clue to the mystery. (Opens envelope, lakes out note, reads aloud.) ''To the finder: The mother of this baby boy was compelled to abandon it on account of family reasons. The child is a legitimate one, and the finder need have no fear on that score. Be good to baby and Heaven will re- \vard vou and bring you good luck. A heart broken mother." Tom — A\'^ell, Ell be damned — no, no, excuse me, baby. I didn't mean that. Bridge — A\^ell, what are we going to do with it? Call the police or — THE COLLEGE CHUMS 12 Tom — Nix. No police or foundling's home for this kid. Em going to be mother, father, sister, brother — the whole works, see ! Bridge — But where do I come in? I just got to be something. Tom — You can be uncle. {To baby.) Kiddo, look at what's going to be uncle to you. Bridge — A fine father and mother you'll make, v\^on't you? You with your drinking, cigarettes, and — Tom — (Gravely.) Listen, Webb. I have a feel- ing that this dear little thing here is going to do for me what all your preaching has failed to do. Em going to quit that drink thing, ditto for all the rest, No more for yours truly. Eurthermore, Em going to give this kid and his mother a hell of a good run for their white alley. Do you get that, son? Bridge — By gosh, put her there. (They clasp hands.) A\'e'll call it the "College Baby," and you can count on me to the fare thee well. Tom — See, W^ebb, look at it smile. On the level, I believe he's hep to every word Eve said. You grab that barber pole and Ell tote his "Royal Highness." Bridge — AAhere are you going? Tom — Down to Alurphy's restaurant to stake it to a swell feed. Bridge — Say, Murphy can't give a baby any- thing it can eat. Tom — Then maybe Mrs. ]\Iurphy can. Come on. [Tom thrusts baby under one arm, head hanging 13 THE COLLEGE CHUMS down, puts both hands in pockets and exits with careless, happy-go-lucky swagger. Bridge grabs pole and staggers after him, yelling: '^Look out Tom, you're spilling it/'] CURTAIN. PLAYS— SKETCHES AND MONOLOGUES 'THE HABITAT'S REVENGE/' A Play in One Act. For 2 Males. By Gordon Rogers. A Canadian-French trapper, while recalling how he and his daughter were wronged by a stranger to whom he showed hospitality, twenty years ago, that very night, and plotting revenge, is suddenly visited by apparently the same man, whom he recognizes, but who does not recognize him. Taking the visitor at a disadvantage, the trapper, before wreaking vengeance Upon him, discloses his identity, and recites his wrongs to him, recalling how he was robbed of his only daughter, twenty years before, by the handsome stranger. While the trapper is seeking his child his aged father dies at home, and the daughter afterwards returns to her father's cabin only to die on its threshold. For all this, vows the trapper, the other must die, but just as the much-wronged man is about to put his threat into execution, the younger, realizing that he is the son of the wrongdoer, declares himself just in time to save his life. A powerful dramatic story, most effectively told, and affording opportunities for the portrayal of a strong character study and of an attractive juvenile part. Price, 25 cents, postpaid "THE REHEARSAL." A Novel Social Entertainment. For 7 Females. By Effie W. Merriam. In this most amusing playlet the participants mingle with the audience, thus making the entertainment ap- pear to be entirely extemporaneous. Neither stage, scenery nor special costumes are needed to make it' effective; in fact "The Rehearsal" may be acceptably given either in the parlor or on the porch or lawn, and is so arranged that very little memorizing is neces- sary — a great point in its favor, especially w^hen but little time can be given to preparation. Price, 25 cents, postpaid M. WITMARK & SONS 87 Witmark Bldg. New York POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. DRAMATIC SKETCHES. "THE LAST OF THE CARGILLS." A Dramatic Scene for 1 Male and 1 Female. A beautiful story, full of sentiment and refined humor of the Southland. An excellent opportunity for a wo- man who can portray the old time southern *'mammy,'* and for a man who can depict the old southern lover* A character full of dignity and pathos. The scene shows the dining-room in an old southern mansion on Christmas day. Outside the snow is falling, inside all is bright and cheerful. George Cargill has the Christmas dinner table laid with covers for all his lost loves, and his best friend; although he alone sits at the board. In a reminiscent mood he recalls all the qualities, good and bad, of his one time sweethearts and of his best friend, and speaks as though they were present. Finally when **01d Mammy" brings in the turkey she finds that *'the last of the Cargills," has gone to join those he loved, in the great beyond. Price, 25 cents, postpaid "JOHN CLAYTON, ACTOR!" A Play in One Act for 2 Males and 1 Female. This little play might well be called " a modern Gar- rick," and closely follows the general theme of Gar- rick, although it is entirely different. Louise Warren has worshipped at the shrine of John Clayton, a successful actor, and has attended all of his performances, to the consternation and dismay of her relatives and friends. Finally her father. Colonel Warren, a typical southern gentleman of the old school, calls on Clayton to per- suade him to leave the country or in some way to break off the infatuation of his daughter. Louise learns of this visit of her father and also calls at Clayton's rooms to warn him as she fears her father may do him some harm. Clayton promises to disillusion Louise and assumes the disguise of Clayton's servant, and after hiding Colonel Warren, admits Louise to whom he paints Clayton as the most lewd villain. Finally Colonel Warren appreciates the sterling qual- ities of Clayton, and the sacrifice he is making, enters the room and tells Louise, Clayton is only acting, and is in reality all she had imagined him to be — her ideal. He consents to their union, and all ends felicitously. Price, 25 cents, postpaid M. WITMARK & SONS 87 Witmark Bldg. New York POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED, FRANK DUMONTS FAMOUS PLAYS "The DIALECT COMEDIAN." By Frank Dumont. This is a work that has been much called for. Bits of every dialect are presented, giving stories, jokes and gags as they should be told. The little book will assist you greatlv. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "THE ST. LOUIS FAIR HOTEL." Sketch by Frank Dumont. Four Male Characters. Fun galore in this sketch. It shows an avaricious hotel keeper in operation assisted by his "faithful" man- of-all-work. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "McWADE'S PLATOON." Burlesque Dialect Police Drill. FINALE FOR FIRST PART. By Frank Dumont. Several nationalities are presented in this drill, giving splendid opportunities for good comedy work. Songs and marches are introduced, making an excellent finale or number for the olio. Something new. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "WHEN WOMEN RULE US." Burlesque and Court House Scene. By Frank Dumont. Twenty Characters. This satire is arranged specially for ladies wherein all the characters are assumed by them; the two hus- bands being represented by the ladies also. This burlesque may be used by gentlemen who, at- tired in grotesque imitation of female wardrobe and fads, can create any amount of laughter by imitating the gentle sex in mannerisms. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "MY NEW TYPEWRITER." Sketch by Frank Dumont. CAST OF CHARACTERS. Fine A. Silk, a busy agent Mrs. Silk, his wife, assuming disguises of tough girl, old maid and a gushing girly-girly typewriter A "screaming" sketch for one male and one female. Most excellent for a clever woman who can do char- acter parts. In this sketch the female character is obliged to assume three distinct roles, all of which lead up to complications that are ludicrously funny. Plenty of work for the male character — always busy. "My New Typewriter" is a satire on a popular topic. The theme is carefully worked out. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. M. WITMARK & SONS 87 Witmark Bldg. New York POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. THE VERY I PLAYS, MONOLOGUES, LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS BY HARRY L. Nhw^T 121 7 "A Rose of Mexico" A Comedy-Dramatic Playlet of Mexican Life. An Orig^inal Dramatic Playlet for one Male and one Female, the scene of which is laid in Mexico. The story is of Carmita, a Mexican girl, recently returned from school in the United States, and Pedro, a Mexican youth who has turned bandit in her ab- sence to secure money enough to ask her to marry him. "A Pair of Pants" A Rapid-Fire Talking Act. This act for straight man and comedian who wants his thre^ dollars, while the other wants his pants, Vuns riot with fun, gags, absurdities and snap- py lines. Plenty of opportunity for good acting. **A Jack and His Queen" Comedietta in one act for two Males and one Female. Jack Windsor, a young bachelor, returned from an eight years' tour of the world, he decides to settle down by marrying his fiancee. Flora Mason. Flora pays a surreptitious visit to Jack's apartments. "Tot- tie Twinkletoes," a dancer, is to call. Jack discovers Flora in his rooms and mistakes her for Tottie. Flora keeps up the deception and some very smart dialogue ensues. "An Invitation to the BalP A Comedy Sketch for one Male and one Fetaale. Plenty of work nnd good comedy for Mose John- son, a colored servant, and Birdie Birdsdl. the daugh- ter of his master, who has made up her mind to at- tend a masque ball with Mose in attendance. "Chatter" A Monologue for Males. This is a brisk and breezy up-to-date monologiie for light or low comedians. It is a whirlwind of com- ical lines which reach the apex of wit. Used with great success by professional entertainers. "Down in Paradise Alley** An East Side Episode for one Male and one Female. Tells a delightful story of a young college gradu- ate who has fallen in love with Jerry O'Connell^a lit- tle East Side street singer, living in Paradise Alley, New York. A charming little playlet in which com- edy and pathos are beautifully blended. The special- ties introduced throtighout the playlet are at the op- lion of the performers. "Family Secrets" A Monologue for Rube Girl. This Rube Girl hands you a laugh every two sec- onds on a subject which appeals to all, viz., her de- scription of her home and "folks" Up-State. "Izzy's Vacation" A summer episode in two scenes. This is a splendid comedy for Hebrew comedians and lady who can play pert young miss. Izzy Goldberg is on a vacation in the country and running across Grace Howe, a breezy person who, in the spirit of mischief, accuses Izzy of having followed her "Keep Your Eye on^the Ball" A Comedy Sketch for one Male and one Female. For a clever Irish comedian and leading woman Madame Blavatsky. fortune teller, has money disguises himself as Madame Blavatsky. The coniplications that follow must be read to be appre- ciated. "Meet My Wife" A Comedy SketcK for two Males and one Female. George Chamberlain, a hen-pecked husband, may not drink, smoke or have an opinion of his own with- out his wife's permission. With the arrival of a friend, Percy Hamilton, he enters into a plot to cir- cumvent his wife and eventually becomes fnaster in his own house. "The Spirit of Captain Kidd" A Vaudeville Playlet in two scenes. Dealing with the absurd adventures of Timothy McSorley, an Irish laborer, and Hi Grass, u regular rube, who, on learning of treasure buried by the no- torious pirate. Captain Kidd, set out to find it. This excruciatingly funny playlet is in two scenes. It is one long scream from,start to finish. "Two Girls and Him" A Comedy classic in one scene for two Females and one Male. Ttiere is a vein of exquisite sentiment running through this little playlet. Florence and Birdie Feathertop find themselves stranded. Timothy McDufT hears of their sad plight and spends his earnings to pay their way to the city. ••What Every Woman Thinks She foioW A Suffragette Monologue. This monologue on the sufTragfctte question is a scream from beginning to end. More ludicrous "pat- ter" could not well be imagined. There is a dash of brilliant wit and humor that cannot fail to please. ANY OF THE ABOVE 25 CENTS EACH M. WITMARK & SONS 86 WITMARK BUILDING New York