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 CHRONICLES OF THE JOMTHANITES, 
 
 BY 
 
 A SCRIBE, THE SON OF A PROPHET. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA: 
 COLLINS, PRINTER, 705 JAYNE STREET. 
 
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 CHRONICLES OE THE JONATHANITES. 
 
 BY 
 
 A SCRIBE, THE SON OF A PROPHET. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA; 
 COLLINS, PRINTER, 70o JAYNE STREET, 
 
 1872. 
 
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 I 
 
THE FIRST BOOK 
 
 OF TEE 
 
 CHRONICLES OF THE JONATHANITES. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 And in those days Jjj^ses the son of Jesse was ruler over 
 the land of the Jonatfeanites. 
 
 Now the Jonathanites were a peculiar people, of many 
 tribes, and worshipping many false Gods. But most of them 
 worshipped a God which they called Dollar. And they made 
 unto themselves images of him in gold and silver, and likewise 
 of paper, whereof the name among the profane was Green- 
 backs. And there was strife between them as to which were 
 most worthy to be worshipped, the images of metal or those 
 of paper. 
 
 And in honor of their God did they many strange things. 
 Some of them found that by becoming judges, 'and lawgivers, 
 and rulers of the people they could worship him with greater 
 profit. Also others knew that being servants of the people 
 their worship would be more fruitful. 
 
 Now, though the Jonathanites were many as the sands of 
 the sea, thej could not all be rulers or servants of the people, 
 so there grew among them and waxed apace two mighty tribes. i 
 
 And of one the name was the Ins, and the name of the other 
 was the Outs. H 
 
And the Outs were always striving to be Ins, so that they 
 might the better worship their God. But when any Ins became 
 Outs, they cast ashes upon their heads for fear that their God 
 had departed from them. 
 
 So that their heads became sore, and they were known 
 among men as Soreheads. 40J 
 
 - Xow all this came to pass because they had another God, 
 whereof the name was Ofis, who ministered unto the great 
 God Dollar; and his name was legion, some small and some 
 great. 
 
 And every In had his own God Ofis, and the same he wanted 
 continually to change for a greater. 
 
 And every Out strove day and night whereby he too could 
 get him a God Ofis to minister for him to the great God. 
 
 And the legion God Ofis had high priests, who gave unto 
 every man such God Ofis, whether s^at or small, as to them 
 seemed good, each high priest unto tiis : dwn servants. 
 
 But sometimes it came to pass that a high priest had many 
 servants, and his brethren would not let him have enough Gods 
 for each and every of them. And fierce was the strife thereat. 
 
 And when a high priest could not get as many Gods as he 
 had of servants, then would he cast ashes upon his head and 
 cleave unto the tribe of Soreheads. 
 
 And thus it came to pass that the tribe of Soreheads waxed 
 and became mighty, and filled the land with their cries of an- 
 guish. 
 
 Xow be it known that whenever an In gat unto himself a 
 God Ofis, he thereupon been me a servant of the people, bound 
 to do certain work therefor, hewing of wood, or jdrawing of 
 water, or driving of quills. m 
 
 ^^nd certain of the Jonathanites, wise in their own conceit, 
 with the wisdom of this world, which is folly, said, Lo, no 
 servant can serve two masters. Behold the high priests give 
 unto us as servants their own servants, and our servants serve 
 not us but the high priests. 
 
Now we will that the God Ofis which maketh these men 
 servants unto us shall not be given by the high priests to their 
 own servants, who crawl upon their bellies, and lick the dust 
 from the sandals of them that minister unto their Gods. 
 
 But the same shall be chosen as good and faithful servants, 
 even they that can hew wood, and draw water, and drive 
 quills. 
 
 But the high priests and the Ins mocked them, and jeered 
 at the folly of their wisdom. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 Then the Jonathani^^who were wise in their own conceit 
 drew nigh unto Ulysses the son of Jesse, who was captain and 
 ruler over them, 
 
 And said, Go to! Is the worship of the God Dollar and of 
 the legion God Ofis so sacred a thing that thou shalt not lay 
 thine hand upon it? Shalt thou not say unto the high priests 
 that they may not longer be high priests, and that our ser- 
 vants shall be servants unto us to do our work and not servants 
 unto them to do their work? 
 
 And Ulysses answered and said: Verily would I could do 
 this thing, and many times have I asked the lawgivers to let 
 me do it. ^^ 
 
 But the lawgivers are also high priests, and they hold my 
 hands. GJ^unto me lawgivers which are not high priests, 
 and all will be well with you and me. 
 
 Then the people were sorrowful, and cursed they in their 
 hearts the lawgivers and the high priests, and knew not which 
 way to turn. 
 
 Now it came to pass that while the people were thus sor^ 
 rowing and knew not w r hat to do, ,. r j» 
 
That many high priests cast ashes upon their heads, and 
 joined themselves unto the tribe of Soreheads. 
 
 Some for one cause and some for another; some because 
 they could not satisfy their servants, and some because they 
 could not satisfy themselves. 
 
 There was Reuben, who was skilled in deceit, so that men 
 called him Feign-ton : 
 
 And no high priest was craftier than he, or had more ser- 
 vants crawling upon their bellies unto him seeking for the 
 God Ofis. 
 
 There was also Horace, the Great Blower, who continually 
 blew his own trumpet. 
 
 And Horace the Little Blower, also called Horace the White, 
 who continually blew his own whistle. 
 
 And both these Horaces were called Tribunes, because they 
 were demagogues who served the m^ale to betray them. 
 
 And there was Truml ;>o called Lyman, because the 
 
 truth was not in him. 
 
 And Charles, known unto men as the Summoner, because 
 he continually summoned all men to hearken unto his words 
 of wisdom and righteousness, believing that wisdom and right- 
 eousness would die with him : 
 
 And another Charles, whom the profane called Shirts, be- 
 cause when he fled to the land of the Jonathanites, as to a 
 city of refuge, he had neither purple nor fine linen. 
 
 Likewise was there Gratz, whom men called Brown, because 
 is ways were exceeding dark. 
 
 Also two brothers, which bore the name of Blare, because 
 their trumpet was brazen and ever blared forth Mwcir praise. 
 
 And David the judge, the son of David, \^^^Bps not the 
 son of Jesse, but hated the son of Jesse. 
 
 And the Merry Andrew, whom men called Curtain, because 
 he served as a cover for Alec the son oi' C Inflow hen Alec 
 sought to work in darkness. 
 B^jUso Salmon, sometimes called Chase, because he was ever 
 
in chase of the great House, known of the Jonathanites as 
 White, but never could overtake it. 
 
 And Julian, whom some men hailed as Apostle, but more 
 as Apostate. 
 
 And Fields, who was D — D for the sake of his James which 
 had departed forever from the fields of Erie. 
 
 And James the Least, whom men sometimes called Scuffle, 
 for that he ever scuffled for a small God Ofis, even as a swine 
 scuffleth for roots. 
 
 All these and many more, great and small, when they saw 
 that the tribe of Soreheads waxed mighty and strong, took 
 counsel one with another, and said, 
 
 Go to! Are we fools that we make not a league with the 
 tribe of Outs? 
 
 For when we and the Outs are banded together then can 
 we become Ins and the Ins shall become Outs, 
 
 And we shall feast and make merry, and every man shall 
 have his own God Ofis, even such as he shall choose for him- 
 self. 
 
 For the people are sorrowing and know not which way to 
 turn, and we can cozen them to turn our way. 
 
 *ppLtl 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 Now, long before the days of Ulysses the son of Jesse, in 
 the land of the Jonathanites, the Outs had been Ins. 
 
 But they had stirred up a war between brethren as soon as 
 they had become Outs, striving by force to remain Ins. 
 
 And the Jonathanites were sore afraid of them, and would 
 not let them come unto the temples of the God Ofis, nor again 
 be high priests, nor servants of the people, for that they had 
 striven so in war. 
 
 And now, when the time was coming near, when Ulysses 
 the son of Jesse was to render up his trust unto the people, 
 
 And the people were to say whether he or another should 
 rule in the land, 
 
 The tribe of Soreheads took courage, saying : Now is our 
 chance. Have we not a league with the Outs, so that they 
 and we are banded together ? Go to : let us proclaim unto 
 the people that Ulysses their captain is a wicked captain, 
 a foolish captain, a drunken captain, who knoweth not how to 
 rule the land, and who secretly favoreth the high priests, that 
 make their own servants to be servants to the people. 
 
 And perchance the people may believe even us, and may 
 choose one of us to be captain and ruler, even Lyman or 
 Gratz, or James the Least whose surname is Scuffle. 
 
 Then shall the Outs be Ins, and shall we all of us be high 
 priests in the temples of the God OQs, and our servants shall 
 each choose for himself among the great and small Gods. 
 
 Now then, let us call all the tribe of Soreheads to a great 
 council in the town that is known by the name of Cincinnati, 
 for it is a natty place for a double sin against the people. 
 
And there will we decide who shall be our captain, even 
 Horace the Great, or Horace the Little, or James the Least. 
 
 Then said one among them, w T ho was wise in the ways of 
 this world, 
 
 Lo ! do not the people know us ? Have not the Jona- 
 thanites weighed us and found us wanting ? Think ye, if 
 they see us, each man striving for himself to be chosen cap- 
 tain and ruler over this land, 
 
 That they will not laugh at us, and scorn us, and tell us to 
 raend our own ways ? 
 
 Nay, let us ask some man who is not of us to be captain, 
 and then the people will have faith in us and in our ways. 
 
 See, there is Charles Francis, the son of Adam, he who, 
 when we were at war with our brethren, 
 
 Served us in the land of the Jonbulls, and kept their hands 
 off from our throats. 
 
 Him the people trust. It is easy to ask him, and easier 
 still to get rid of him. 
 
 Then were the Soreheads pleased with the wisdom of this 
 counsel. And they went to Charles Francis, the son of 
 Adam, asking whether he would be their captain if they 
 should choose him. 
 
 And he smiled upon them dubiously, saying : That depen- 
 ded! on yourselves. If ye believe in what ye tell the people, 
 and if perchance I believe in you, then may ye choose me as 
 your captain. 
 
 But he knew in his heart that they were false, and straight- 
 way he went even unto the land of the Jonbulls, without await- 
 ing further speech with them. 
 
10 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 Now among the Jonatlianites there were two other tribes 
 which were ever warring each against the other, 
 
 And both of them worshipped the God Dollar, each in his 
 several way. 
 
 One tribe taught that their God could best be worshipped 
 by sending him afar off, even unto distant lands, away from 
 the land of the Jonathanites ; and they believed that he 
 would be sent back unto them, after waxing greater and 
 more potent than when he went. So they besought the 
 people without ceasing to send their God to the land of the 
 Jonbulls, or of Dutch Hans, or to the country of the Crapos, 
 though never could they render a reason for the faith that 
 was in them that he would be sent back again. 
 
 And this faith they called Freetrade, because they taught 
 that the Jonbulls and the Crapos should be free to take their 
 God and keep him as long as they listed. 
 
 And they had many great prophets who poured forth words 
 without stint into the ears of the Jonathanites ; 
 
 Even David, whom men in derision called Wells, because 
 he was shallow and dry ; 
 
 And Mahlon, who was known as Sands, for that he was bar- 
 ren and had never put forth aught that was useful to man ; 
 
 And Perry, whom the godless called Professor, because his 
 professions were great and his performance was small ; 
 
 Also Samuel, whose surname was Bowles, which meaneth 
 that he was a useful vessel and would hold anything that 
 might be put into him ; 
 
 And William, called of men Grosvenor, who spake in dumb 
 show ever since he had lost the organ wherewith he was wont 
 to beguile the people ; 
 
 And another William, also called Bryant, who kept his 
 
11 
 
 And Edward, the son of Atkin, even he who first dis- 
 covered the hidden mystery of naught divided by naught ; 
 
 Also James, whom men called Brooks, because he ever 
 babbled without saying aught. 
 
 And Cox, whose name also was Sunset, which being inter- 
 preted meaneth the forerunner of darkness. 
 
 Also another Cox, whom men called Jacob, forasmuch as 
 sometimes his hands were the hands of Esau, while his voice 
 was the voice of Jacob. 
 
 Yea, and many prophets more, who taught that the part is 
 greater than the whole, aud that two taken from two leave 
 five ; 
 
 Save one, whose name was Benjamin, the son of Wood, 
 who taught that four times eleven is forty-four. 
 
 But when these chiefs and prophets found that the Jona- 
 thanites worshipped their God so much in their heart of hearts 
 that they would not willingly part with him, or send him out 
 of their land, 
 
 Then did the men of this tribe craftily change their name, 
 and no longer called they themselves Freetraders, but rather 
 Revenuereformers, telling the people that they wanted to keep 
 their God in the land by levying of less tribute-moneys. 
 
 Also denied they that the images of their God could be 
 made out of paper, even what the people called Greenbacks, 
 and taught they that he could only be worshipped in images 
 of metal, even of gold, or of silver, or of fine nickel. 
 
 Now did that other tribe believe that the God Dollar could 
 be more fruitfully worshipped by keeping him among the 
 people of the land, and working for him day and night, for he 
 was a watchful God, rewarding those who labored faithfully in 
 his behalf; and for them he waxed great and mighty, bestow- 
 ing on his laborers graven images of himself. And in that 
 land of Dollar worshippers the more who worked for him and 
 gat unto themselves images of him, the more blessed and con- 
 tented were the people. 
 
 And this tribe called themselves Protectionists, because 
 
12 
 
 they said that they protected the laborers among the people 
 of the land, and caused that every man gat his hire. 
 
 Also taught they that it was good to worship graven im- 
 ages of their God on paper, even those that were called by 
 the people Greenbacks. 
 
 Now, for a long time had the Freetraders preached their 
 faith unto the people, but the people would not listen, neither 
 would they believe. 
 
 For they were a perverse and stiff-necked generation, who 
 knew when it was well with them. Also saw they that when 
 they sent images of their God, graven in metal, to the land of 
 the Jonbulls, or of Dutch Hans, or to the country of the 
 Crapos, those images, and their increase, were kept by the 
 strangers, and they saw them no more. 
 
 Then said the Freetraders among themselves : Lo, this is a 
 hard-hearted and a hard-headed generation. We preach unto 
 them and they do not believe, but ours is the true faith never- 
 theless, and there is no faith but ours. Verily, if the Jona- 
 thanites will not worship as we teach, behold the God Dollar 
 will turn his face away from them, and will abandon this land 
 for the land of the stranger; and will there be utter darkness 
 throughout the length and the breadth of the laud, for what 
 is a country without its God ? 
 
 Go to : we must be crafty, even as the serpent, and save 
 these people in spite of themselves. 
 
 See ye not that the Soreheads are about to choose a cap- 
 tain unto themselves, and strive to make him the ruler of the 
 people? 
 
 Now then there is Charles Francis the son of Adam, and 
 Trumbull, whom men call Lyman. Are they not both of our 
 tribe ? Let us then join ourselves unto the Soreheads, and 
 they will choose one of these men to be their captain, 
 
 Then will we make of him the ruler of the people, so that 
 they shall worship according to our faith, and they will all be- 
 come of our tribe. 
 
13 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 Now, in all the land of the Jonathanites were no men craftier 
 than the old high priests who had joined themselves unto the 
 Soreheads. 
 
 And when the Freetraders came unto them and said : Lo, 
 let us be brethren. We will be Soreheads, and ye shall be 
 Freetraders. Choose ye Charles Francis the son of Adam, 
 or Trumbull called Lyman, to be your captain, and we will 
 help to make him ruler over the people, so that you shall 
 again be high priests, and all the people shall be believers in 
 the true faith, whether they believe in it or not. 
 
 Then did the crafty leaders of the Soreheads put their 
 tongues into their cheeks, and wink with the left eyelid, 
 which, in the secret language of their tribe, hath the mean- 
 ing, So be it. 
 
 For among the Jonathanites the high priests had three 
 manners of speech. The first thereof they called Demotic, 
 otherwise known as Bunkum, whereof they used when they 
 sought to deceive the people. The second they called Pho- 
 netic, which was a language of signs used when they sought 
 to deceive their friends ; and the third was a most sacred and 
 secret tongue, called the Hieratic, whereof they used when 
 they sought to deceive each other. But oftentimes it hap- 
 pened that they deceived themselves. 
 
 Then did the Freetraders feel exceeding glad, and in the 
 fulness of their hearts they lifted up their voices, and said : 
 Praise be to the great God Dollar; now will everything be 
 lovely, for the time of the true faith is at hand. 
 
 Yet did one thing trouble them in their hearts, for among 
 2 
 
14 
 
 the chiefs of the Soreheads was none louder or more valiant 
 than Horace the Great Blower, who was a mighty man of 
 words. 
 
 Now Horace had always been a chief among the tribe of 
 Protectionists, and had waged many windy battles with the Free- 
 traders, slaying his thousands and tens of thousands, even as 
 did Samson with the Philistines. 
 
 And when they saw that he was among the chief Soreheads, 
 and was striving to be made captain of all, then doubted they 
 in their hearts and looked askauce. 
 
 And they said : Are thy servants dogs that they should do 
 this thing ? No man can serve two masters or worship in two 
 faiths. Who is Horace the Great Blower that we should fall 
 down before our enemy ? 
 
 Then was Horace seized with a great fear lest the chiefs of 
 the Soreheads should cast him out, for he knew that without 
 the Freetraders the great council would come to naught and 
 be despised of all men, for no man among them all had any 
 truth or faith save the Freetraders. 
 
 And his knees knocked together, and his tongue clave to 
 the roof of his mouth, and he said : Let there be peace between 
 us. I will worship the God Dollar according to your faith. 
 
 And a great shout went up among the Freetraders when 
 they saw for how small a price Horace thtf Great Blower had 
 sold himself unto them. 
 
 And they said one unto the other : If such are the great cap- 
 tains of the Protectionists, Lo, now they will all be delivered 
 into our hands. 
 
15 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Then gathered together unto the great council all the 
 mighty men of words of the Soreheads, and of the Freetraders, 
 and of the Outs who wanted to be Ins. And they brought with 
 them their servants, each man crazed with the hope that some 
 small God Ofis would be vouchsafed unto him, to minister for 
 him unto the great God Dollar. 
 
 And each man worked for himself and for his master, and 
 great was the confusion of tongues, even as Babel, for no man, 
 save the Freetraders, thought of anything but himself. 
 
 And when the Freetraders saw this they said : Go to, what 
 manner of men are these who know nothing but their own 
 lusts? 
 
 And how shall we persuade the Jonathanites to choose our 
 captain to be their ruler unless we can show them that we have 
 a faith that will save them ? Are they not aweary of the wor- 
 ship of the great and little Gods Ofis ? Let us publish unto 
 them what is our faith, lest they laugh at us and mock us to 
 scorn. 
 
 Then the Soreheads and Freetraders chose their craftiest 
 men and bade them to build up a platform of faith so cunning 
 in workmanship that when they should set their captain on top 
 of it, every tribe of the Jonathanites should be cozened and 
 say : This man is of our tribe, Lo, we will make him our ruler ! 
 
 So the crafty men set to work to put into their platform 
 nothing save that which every tribe among the Jonathanites 
 believed. 
 
 But when they came to the faith of the Freetraders and Pro- 
 tectionists they could not agree among themselves. 
 
16 
 
 Long strove they one with another, even from the setting 
 to the rising of the sun, and again until noonday. 
 
 Till at length declared they their faith in such wise that 
 whosoever looked upon it should believe that the written faith 
 was his own, even such as he himself might believe. 
 
 Then were they exceeding glad among themselves and said 
 one unto the other: Behold, now there is no one among all 
 the tribes of the Jonathanites but who shall say, This is my 
 faith, and if a mighty man believeth in this, him will we make 
 ruler over us. 
 
 Then said the Freetraders: Now let us choose Charles 
 Francis the son of Adam to be our captain, even as it was 
 spoken between you and us, for in him the people have trust, 
 and they will gladly choose him for their ruler. 
 
 And again the high priests put their tongues into their 
 cheeks and winked with the left eyelid, signifying, So be it. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 Now when Horace the Great Blower saw the faith so cun- 
 ningly wrought by the Soreheads aud the Freetraders he said: 
 It is good. 
 
 But when he heard that the Freetraders claimed their share 
 of the bargain, and that Charles Francis the son of Adam 
 should be chosen as captain over them all, then smote he his 
 thigh and girded up his loins, for he said: Now is the time or 
 never to show these men that they are but as babes, and that 
 I am the oldest and craftiest of the high priests. 
 
 So he chose him the craftiest of his servants, even Reuben, 
 whom men call Feign-ton, and sent him unto Gratz, who is 
 known as Brown, 
 
n 
 
 Saying, Why should there be strife between my lord and 
 thee ? Thou knowest that he is mighty and that thou canst 
 not prevail against him. 
 
 And that even if thou shouldst be chosen captain of the 
 Soreheads he will turn around, as many times hath he turned 
 before, and will contend with thee before the people, so that 
 the people shall not choose thee for their ruler. 
 
 Lo, now, let us make a compact, even what Charles Francis 
 the son of Adam calleth a trade and dicker. 
 
 Thou knowest that if thou strivest with my lord thou wilt be 
 as naught and wilt become a Sorehead of the Soreheads, even 
 what the Gentiles call a dead cock in the pit. 
 
 Now my lord is old and well nigh played out and cannot 
 again have a chance, and if now he faileth he dieth ; 
 
 While thou art young, and if now thou hast a measure of 
 success thou mayest do better hereafter. 
 
 Hearken unto me now. The great council will choose a 
 first captain and a second captain. Let thy servants and my 
 lord's servants join themselves together so that they may pre- 
 vail in choosing my lord as first captain, while thou shalt be 
 second captain. 
 
 Then said Gratz, whom men call Brown : This pleaseth me; 
 so be it. But put he not his tongue within his cheek, nor 
 winked he with his left eyelid, for he knew that Horace the 
 Great Blower and his servants were learned in the Phonetic 
 tongue and all its hidden meanings. 
 
 And there were high priests of the Outs that were hovering 
 around the great council, though they showed not themselves 
 therein, lest some timid ones amongst the Soreheads should see 
 them and be frightened. 
 
 Even that brother Blare who is known as Frank, because he 
 is not skilled in the Demotic speech, nor in the Phonetic, nor 
 yet in the Hieratic, and forgets himself sometimes into speaking 
 the thought that is in him. 
 
 And Augustus, called in the Hans language Schonberg, 
 
 2* 
 
18 
 
 and in the Crapo tongue Belmont, but whom the Jonatban- 
 ites know as the Little Busy B. 
 
 Also George whose surname is Pendleton, known among the 
 Gentiles as the Great Fizzle. 
 
 Together with other wise priests whose phylacteries were 
 broad before the multitudes of the Outs. 
 
 And these men in their wisdom secretly counselled and said : 
 Lo, Horace the Great Blower hath always been our enemy. 
 
 But he is a weak and a childish old man in the hands of them 
 that know how to use him and to minister unto his vanity and 
 to blind his eyes with the smoke of frankincense. 
 
 Also helped he our brethren of Tammany when they were 
 sore bested by the spoilers, even by the Committee of Seventy, 
 and therefore may we have faith in him. 
 
 Then spoke they up to Gratz whom men call Brown and his 
 servants, and to the servants of Horace the Great Blower, 
 saying : It is good in our eyes that Horace be chosen first 
 captain and Gratz the second captain. And our servants and 
 the servants of the Outs shall be their servants. 
 
19 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 Now, when the Freetraders saw that the servants of Gratz 
 and of Horace the Great Blower were joined the one with the 
 other, then strove they valiantly against both, seeking to make 
 Charles Francis the son of Adam captain over all their tribes. 
 But perceiving that they could not prevail over them that 
 had bought and sold the great council, then sought they ear- 
 nestly to reason with them, saying : 
 
 Lo, our wisdom is turned into foolishness, and we shall be- 
 come a hissing and a reproach unto the people. 
 
 For we told the people that we came here to take counsel 
 together how to make wicked things good, and crooked things 
 straight, and crafty things honest, and to turn the ways of 
 darkness into ways of light. 
 
 And now have ye been crafty and crooked, and dark in your 
 ways, and how shall the people believe in you or in us any 
 more? 
 
 Look at your platform of faith, whereon ye are to place 
 your captain, and see whether therein there is any reason why 
 the people should make the Ins become Outs and make Ins of 
 you to be their servants, and to do their work, and to rule 
 over the land of the Jonathanites. 
 
 Lo, all that ye promise to do the Ins and the ruler of the 
 land, even Ulysses the son of Jesse, have done or have striven 
 to do, save only our special faith of Freetrading, and that ye 
 will not declare, either the one way or the other, so that no 
 man can rightly tell what is your belief therein. 
 
 YFhen ye talk of what ye call amnesty wot ye not that they 
 will say that Ulysses the son of Jesse has striven with your 
 
20 
 
 high priests to make it the law of the land, and your high 
 priests, even Charles the Summoner, and many more, have pre- 
 vailed with the lawgivers against him? 
 
 And when ye revile the laws set up against them, which are 
 known as Kuklux, then will ye be told that it was yourselves, 
 even Charles and Lyman and Horace the Great Blower, that 
 made also those laws. 
 
 And when ye say that the servants of the people should no 
 longer be only servants of the high priests, will they not mock 
 you, saying, even so hath Ulysses the son of Jesse sought to 
 do, but ye would not let him ? 
 
 And all the rest of your faith is but wind and empty breath, 
 affirming truths which no man denieth. 
 
 So that unless ye choose for your captain a man whom the 
 people will gladly take for a ruler, they will turn their backs 
 on you and deride him and scorn him, and ye and he will be 
 Soreheads forever and evermore. 
 
 For they will say : Why shall we not keep unto ourselves 
 as a ruler Ulysses the son of Jesse ? When there was war 
 between us and our brethren, and the tribes of the South 
 sought to rend the land in twain, did he not keep us whole, 
 and make a peace that endureth ? And hath he not ruled us 
 so that there is abundance within the land of corn, and wine, 
 and oil, and of all the fruits of the earth, and of the toil of 
 man, so that the laborer receiveth his hire, and the rich man 
 is safe, and the bondman is free, and no man's hand is lifted 
 against his brother ? And hath he not sought by justice and 
 righteousness to make the wild men of the plains, even the 
 Redskins, be unto us as friends and neighbors? And hath he 
 not reduced our tribute moneys, and paid off our debts, even 
 tens of thousands and hundreds of thousands of talents ? And 
 do not the people of all lands even unto the ends of the earth 
 seek to be at peace with us, and in good fellowship with us, 
 knowing that we are strong under a valiant ruler ? And is he 
 
21 
 
 not an honest man ? And are ye honest men ? Then why 
 should we change our ruler at your bidding ? 
 
 All this and more will the people say unto you, and ye will 
 have naught to answer. 
 
 For ye will have asked them to choose for their ruler Horace 
 the Great Blower, in whom no man hath any faith. 
 
 Horace who continually talketh about all things, and most 
 of all about those things of which he knoweth the least. 
 
 Horace who ever trieth new things and burnetii his fingers 
 therein. 
 
 Horace who is like the fool that setteth fire to an house and 
 then runneth away and hideth his face when the flames rise 
 unto heaven ; or like unto the child that putteth his fingers 
 into a trap and then crieth because he getteth pinched there- 
 with. 
 
 For did he not do all that he could to bring about the war 
 between brethren, and then when the tribes of the South 
 girded their loins to rend the land in twain, did not his tongue 
 cleave unto the roof of his mouth, and did he not beg them to 
 take all that they listed ? 
 
 And when the war came on, did he not shout like a man 
 possessed of a devil, and bid our armies hasten to the battle 
 before they were marshalled ? And then when they were 
 slaughtered, did he not clothe himself in sackcloth, and do 
 penance on his house-top, and promise to be silent and humble 
 evermore ? 
 
 And before the words were well out of his mouth, did he 
 not throw off his sackcloth and shout again from his house- 
 top like a man possessed of seven devils, telling our captains 
 and our mighty men of war that they were as fools, and that 
 he alone was wise ? 
 
 And then when the edge of the sword was turned against 
 us once more, and our warriors were slaughtered, was he not 
 frightened again even as a child, seeking to buy a peace that 
 was tenfold worse than war itself ? 
 
22 
 
 And then when Abraham our ruler was sore beset, did he 
 not revile him from the house-top and secretly strive to have 
 him set aside — even that Abraham whom he had labored to 
 make our ruler ? 
 
 And then when Ulysses the son of Jesse prevailed over 
 our enemies, and smote them, and made captives of them, 
 their warriors, and their high priests, and their rulers, 
 
 Did not Horace go to the captive ruler of the tribes of the 
 South, and set him free, bending the knee to him and saying : 
 Will my lord let the humblest of his servants minister unto 
 him? 
 
 And when in his own city the robbers, called Tammany, 
 broke in and plundered, and took the people captive, 
 
 Did not Horace* put his own servants into their band, telling 
 the people that it was good ? 
 
 Who knoweth what he will do to-morrow ? Who knoweth 
 what way the wind shall blow ? Is he not uncertain as the 
 wind ? Unstable as the water ? Treacherous as the quick- 
 sand ? 
 
 Where is the man that believeth in his wisdom ? Who can 
 account for his folly ? 
 
 Because he doeth one thing to-day, therefore must he do 
 another thing to-morrow. 
 
 Is this the man to put at the head of the nation ? Is this 
 the outcome and the fruit of the brotherhood of man that 
 when a mighty people choose a ruler unto themselves they 
 shall set up over them a ruler such as he ? A man that can- 
 not rule himself, nor knoweth he his own mind, save that he 
 likeneth himself unto a God. 
 
 Will not the nations of the earth point at us the finger of 
 scorn, jeering and saying : Give us our princes, and kings, and 
 kaisers, if such be chosen as rulers in the land where all men 
 are brethren ? 
 
 And then the Freetraders humbled themselves before the 
 
23 
 
 Soreheads, saying : Lo, we beseech you, ask us not to thus 
 
 defile the graves of our fathers ! 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 But the servants of Horace and Gratz, and they that were 
 banded with them, heeded not the prayer and entreaty ; but 
 said : Are we not high priests, and are not the people our 
 bondmen ? 
 
 When we say come, they come : when we say go, they go, 
 for they are trained to our bidding, as the horse that is broken 
 to the bit. 
 
 When Aaron the high priest set up the Golden Calf, did 
 not the children of Israel fall down and worship ? 
 
 And if we set up a calf of gold, or of brass, or of clay, 
 shall not the children of Jonathan fall down and worship like- 
 wise ? 
 
 Did not a mighty Caesar once take unto himself a horse and 
 make of him a ruler over the people of Rome ? 
 
 And shall we not take an Ass, and make of him a ruler over 
 the land of the Jonathanites ? 
 
 Go to; we have been bought and sold, every man of us at 
 his own price, and shall we not be delivered ? 
 
 So Horace the Great Blower was made captain by the great 
 council. 
 
 And the Freetraders sorrowed as they departed, saying : 
 Lo, now no man will believe in us any more. 
 
 HERE ENDETII THE FIRST ROOK, 
 
V