Glass. 
 Book. 
 
'OU\3.\\ 'wXtt.Tj^e: ^. 3>'V^ " 
 
 BRICKTOP'S 
 
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 ILLUSTRATED BY 
 
 THOMAS WORTH 
 
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 NEW YORK: 
 
 M. J. IVERS & CO.. PUBLISHERS, 
 
 379 PEARL STREET. 
 

 
 Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year Wi, by 
 
 31. J. IVERS & CO., 
 to the Office of the Librarian of Congress, Washington, D. C. 
 
 Bricktop's Comic History of America. 
 
BRICKTOFS 
 
 ~35 
 
 i^omie l^istory of /lmeri(;a^ 
 
 Speculative historians have lately been advancing theories 
 and splintered facts to prove that Christopher Columbus was 
 not the original Jacobs in the discovery of America ; but I 
 still stick to Chris, because I have pictures relating to the 
 affair, the first of which represents him before Ferdinand and 
 Isabella, showing them a map of the United States, and trying 
 to convince them of what a soft thing they would have if they 
 would only send him out to capture it. 
 
 That picture is herewith represented. 
 
 Chris was a first-class drummer, and althougrh he made no 
 impression upon " Ferdy," he soon got the ear of " Bella " 
 between his teeth, and carried the day by an old-fashioned 
 argument. She was so much taken with his proposition that 
 she took her jewelry and went to her " uncle's " to raise a 
 stake to fit him on his voyage of speculation. 
 
 But " Ferdy " had given her some of those jewels in his 
 spooning days, and did not wish to see them in the hands of 
 a Simpson, so he came down with the cash and started the 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 5 
 
 bold sailor on his way rejoicing. It must be understood that 
 the King rejoiced as well as Columbus, for he had come to 
 look upon him as something of a bore, and spoke of him as 
 the " old map peddler." 
 
 But Columbus went right to Work, all the while singing, to 
 the tune of the " ButcJicr Boy": 
 
 *' My name is Columbus ; I was born in Genoa, 
 
 Of poor but honest parents, as the story always goes ; 
 My father would have me a good, sober citizen, 
 But I am bound to be a sailor, by jingoes, or die ! 
 
 *' For many long years I've sailed the salt ocean. 
 Many a day I've been dry and been wet, 
 But somehow or other I still have a notion 
 
 That there's a country that has not been seen yet," etc., 
 
 working original ideas into the song as they occurred to him. 
 
 Well, in time he got off. There was any quantity of grog 
 aboard, of course, and the crew kicked up a rumpus before 
 they had got even half-seas over, making it awfully warm for 
 the captain. Columbus spent the greater portion of his time 
 in the rigging with his telescope, evidently feeling safer there 
 than on deck among his mutinous crew, although he pretended 
 to be lookins: for soil. 
 
 I have also a picture representing this phase of American 
 history, which is herewith given. 
 
 One day he surprised the gang by yelling " Land, ho !" and 
 instantly each member of the crew began to stake off claims 
 and to speculate in corner lots. 
 
 But Columbus claimed all the corner lots himself, and 
 approaching the land, he made preparations for putting his 
 foot into it. 
 
 A motley crowd of curious-looking beings flocked to the 
 
6 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 shore to learn what was taking place, understanding from 
 their actions, however, that the new-comers had a taking way 
 with them. 
 
 The native gentlemen were clothed mostly with a bow and 
 
 Columbus at the mast-head looking for soil. 
 
 arrow, while the ladies hid their blushes behind a strine of 
 beads and some ear-rino-s. 
 
 Columbus did not allow his native modesty to get the better 
 of him. Only think of it ! if he had been too bashful to land, 
 simply because the people were dressed in the first fashion,, 
 the world might not have been inflicted with this history. 
 
 But Chris pretended that he did not see them, or the sign. 
 
BHK'KTOl'S CUMIC lUSTOKV OF AMERICA. 
 
 o 
 
 
8 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 posted on a tree near by, '''Keep off the grass." That was 
 just what he did not intend to do ; he came to get on the grass 
 of the New World, feeHng that he would be in clover for the 
 rest of his life if he could do so. 
 
 So he took possession of the island of St. Salvador in the 
 name of Ferdinand and Isabella, without so much as saying, 
 " By your leave," to the natives, who were completely taken 
 aback. They were never taken possession of before. 
 
 Up to this period they had never seen any samples of 
 European cheek, and, as well may be supposed, they were 
 completely nonplused by the first gush of it. 
 
 This story may have been told somewhere before, and so I 
 will hurry on, simply remarking, by the way, that Columbus 
 discovered all he could of this continent, and returned to 
 Spain to receive the honors and cuffs consequent upon a 
 great success. 
 
 Several other chaps went into the discovery business right 
 away, and Amerigo Vespucci made a fool of the rest of the 
 world by giving the land his name, and leaving Cabot, Colum- 
 bus and others out in the cold, simply because they did not 
 possess as much assurance as he did. 
 
 One thing about these discoverers : They all discovered that 
 the division of labor between the native men and women was 
 very much the same as in Europe ; that is to say, the women 
 bore all the burdens and papooses, and did all the work, 
 while the men laid off and fished, smoked, or hunted game. 
 This fact convinced them that the natives of America were 
 true descendants of Adam. 
 
 This, by the way, would be a good nut for the Women's 
 Rights folks to wrestle with. There's meat in it, as the 
 accompanying illustration, taken from the sketch-book of an 
 ancient artist (one of the " old masters"), will show. 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTOltY OF AMEUICA. 
 
 Of course, early history didn't amount to much, and so we 
 will skip along, leaving Columbus to his fate and to more 
 scrupulous historians, and mentioning, by the way, that there 
 was an old chap by the name of De Soto who got overland 
 discovery on the brain, and after scraping his shins against 
 
 
 The way the Indians divide the labor ivith their squaws. 
 
 the trees of many forests, and swimming many streams, he at 
 length discovered the Mississippi, and hung his name up for 
 immortality. 
 
 He attempted to follow its course, but his followers got the 
 blind-stacrsfers on account of its crookedness, and wanderinsf 
 off in various directions, never met each other again. 
 
lO 
 
 BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 And there was another old chap who was sweet on a young 
 lady in Italy, and who wanted to find a spring whose waters 
 would make him young again, so that she would smile upon 
 his suit. But he gave it up after searching all over Florida 
 
 De Soto discovers moisture in the valley of the Mississippi. 
 
 and along the Gulf coast, and finally compromised the matter 
 with Time by marrying an Indian squaw for cash. 
 
 These little things don't amount to much in history, so we 
 will push on past them. 
 
 But when we come to such an event as the saving of the 
 life of Captain John Smith by Pocahontas, then it is worth 
 
BItlCKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMEUICA. 11 
 
 while for the bald-headed historian to sharpen an eagle's quill 
 and dive into it. 
 
 Captain John was fooling around in Virginia somewhere, 
 and while in the act of gobbling up the territory in the name 
 of Queen Lizzie, of England, he was himself snatched by 
 King Powhatan, in the name of honesty. 
 
 Now, as Powhatan had never mashed a white man, he had 
 a curiosity to see how much they could stand, and how the 
 contents of their brain-pans turned out. Smith was a good 
 subject, and as he was supposed to be the first and only Smith 
 iiving at that time, the old king has been censured severely 
 for the weakness he displayed after getting his head on the 
 block. 
 
 But he got him down, and ordered his braves to approach 
 with their beef-steak pounders and commence on him. They 
 were apparently never more willing to obey orders in the 
 world ; but just as they raised their clubs. Princess Pocahon- 
 tas, the only daughter of Powhatan, rushed to the rescue. 
 
 " Let up, dad," said she ; " I have a snap worth two of 
 this !" and placing her plump arm around the doomed man's 
 neck, she raised him to his feet, although his hair refused to 
 lay down again for more than a week. 
 
 "Come, come. Pokey, what's the meaning of this? Why 
 do you interfere with my little experiments ?" 
 
 "You wish to make him sick — sorry that he ever came upon 
 your domains — don't you ?" she asked. 
 
 " Yes. Why ?" 
 
 " I have it !" said she, placing her fingers on her lips. " /// 
 TJiarry him /" 
 
 " Good !" exclaimed the old king. " Back, braves! We 
 turn this experiment over to our beloved daughter." 
 
 ■" That settles it," was the general reply. 
 
12 
 
 BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AIHERICA. 
 
 It is a sad thing for a historian to have to do, the telling of 
 truths sometimes, but he has got to brace up to it occasion- 
 ally if he expects his book to sell. Smith didn't marry Pokey 
 after all, but he kept her on a string long enough to get him- 
 
 Pocahontas saving the life of Cap'n Smith. 
 
 self out of the scrape he was in, and finally compromised the 
 matter by getting a fellow by the name of Rolfe to marry her. 
 
 There is one bright ray in this affair : Pokey didn't care 
 much which one she married so long as she carried out her 
 original idea, and so that Smith escaped to torment the 
 directory makers all over the Old and New World afterward. 
 
 In 1609 Henry Hudson came over to this country to find 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF A.AIERICA. 13 
 
 quarters for his Half Moon. He drifted into the river which 
 bears his name and sailed gayly up it, creating the first nau- 
 tical sensation that the Aborigines had ever enjoyed. 
 
 He was a jolly old cove, was Hudson, and he enjoyed him- 
 self hugely as he sailed along, hailing the nations and 
 drinking their health, after which he proceeded to beat them 
 at trades, and when they ijot mad, he beat them at fii^htiii''-. 
 
 But let us eo east and see what is oroino- on there. 
 
 Several attempts had been made at settling thi:; country, 
 but somehow or other there appeared to be too many original 
 settlers there for health, and so it was as good as abandoned 
 until 1620, when a band (jf Pilgrims moored their bark on a 
 wild New England shore. 
 
 Poets called it a bark, but the Mayjloiver was a two-masted 
 schooner, and not rated A No. i at that, showing that they 
 bark up the wrong tree by such assertions. 
 
 They moored their schooner and then proceeded to move 
 ashore. The jolly-boat struck on Plymouth Rock and made 
 a hit. They were a highly pious crowd, with the exception of 
 Captain Standish, who was licensed to do the swearing for the 
 whole colony, he being commander-in-chief of the army. 
 
 This reminds me of a poem by Mrs. Hemans, which I used 
 to read at school. If I remember rightly, it ran something 
 like this : 
 
 " The waiting braves danced high 
 On a stern and rock-bound coast, 
 And warriors, 'gainst the stormy sky, 
 Their scalping-hatchets tossed. 
 
 " And ererything looked blue. 
 The hills and waters o'er. 
 When that old AFayfiowcr spilled her crew 
 On that wild New Enijland shore. 
 
14 
 
 BRICKTOPS COMIC HIST©RY OF AMERICA. 
 
 
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BRICKTOPS COyUC IIISTOKV OF A31E111CA. IB 
 
 " Not as the free-luncher comes — 
 They true-hearted came ; 
 Not with a roll of lazy bums 
 Who stock to win a game. 
 
 " Not as the stealing come, 
 In silence and in fear ; 
 They swept that Rock with a brand-new broom, 
 And quaffed their home-made beer. 
 
 " Amid the storm they sang, 
 
 And it caused those Reds to flee, 
 And the sounding aisles of the dim woods rang 
 To the nasal refuoree. 
 
 " The Cape Cod sea-clam soared 
 
 From his nest by the white waves' foam, 
 And the hungry bear of the forest roared — 
 This was their welcome home." 
 
 I may not have quoted it exactly right, but the sentiment is 
 all here. 
 
 The Pilgrims broke ground the moment they struck it. 
 Standish, however, swore and broke Red-heads. The princi- 
 pal amusement consisted in burning witches and making laws. 
 
 They were very good men, those Pilgrim Fathers, and so 
 were the mothers. 
 
 But Pennsylvania looms up not long after the looms of the 
 Pilgrims got fairly to work, and William Penn tries his hand 
 with the Indians. 
 
 William was a success, and in a very short time he suc- 
 ceeded in founding a Mutual Admiration Society with the 
 Indians, which lasted as long as the Indians did. 
 
 While the Puritans were fighting the Red-men, he was 
 demonstrating]: to the world that the Penn was mightier than 
 
16 
 
 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 17 
 
 the sword. And he could get a better trade out of them by 
 treating- them nicely, too. He was a square man, and he laid 
 out Philadelphia after himself. 
 
 Lord Baltimore also did some settling in " My Maryland " 
 about this time, and it has remained settled ever since. 
 
 '^<:§-S?^s 
 
 
 rtSg>^s^ 
 
 
 
 
 William Penn lixingr np a quiet little arrang:ement ivitli the Indians. 
 
 Rhode Island and Connecticut started for themselves, one 
 with John Rogers and his seven small children, and the other 
 by the Blue-law builders. 
 
 But New York — New Amsterdam then — was the bie^est 
 toad in the i)uddle. It was a little Dutch at first, and some- 
 what inclined to indulge in one-legged governors ; but the 
 
18 
 
 BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 colony took deep root from the start, and has flourished 
 bravely ever since. 
 
 About this time the Yankee element was developed, caused 
 by trading with the Indians. Those Dutch ancestors of ours 
 introduced schnapps among the aborigines, and under its mel- 
 
 Tradiiiff with the Indians in New Amsterdam. 
 
 lowinor influence succeeded in skinninor them out of the skins 
 they had skinned the animals of, and in this way the skin- 
 game was first started in this country. In fact, I look with 
 pride upon a picture in the possession of the Historical 
 Library — herein reproduced — in which this enterprise is shown 
 most pleasantly. In fact, the Indians appear to like this 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 19 
 
 being skinned quite as well as they did the getting of their 
 skins full of schnapps, and then going home to pound their 
 squaws and talk about " big Injun." 
 
 This goes to show what Indians like, and if the colony of 
 Massachusetts Bay had only swindled them good-naturedly 
 instead of fighting them, they could have done much better. 
 
 Look at the pictures of New York and Pennsylvania In- 
 dians; how much happier they look than the New England 
 Reds do ! 
 
 La Salle, a famous French adventurer, also did some 
 handsome discovering up among the lakes and down the Mis- 
 sissippi to the Gulf of Mexico. But he got murdered by his 
 companions for attempting to do too much in this line. 
 
 People were queer even in those days. They would have 
 murdered Columbus before he had discovered anything, and 
 they banged brave La Salle because they got tired of follow- 
 ing him through his findings. 
 
 But it will not do to moralize or be too particular in a 
 comic history, so let us move on, and if there are any irregu- 
 larities regarding events or dates, let us fall back as novelists 
 and dramatists do, and say, " A lapse of years is sup- 
 posed to take place between such and such points." 
 
 The English and P>ench were rivals, and each was bent on 
 gobbling up the largest portion of the new continent, while 
 the Spaniards contented themselves with Mexico and South 
 America. 
 
 This rivalry brought about a fight, of course, and our own 
 great George had the honor of getting first blood in the 
 French and Indian War, as it was called. George was game, 
 but really no chicken when appointed to command the 
 Colonists in after years. 
 
 General Braddock was sent over by George II. to settle the 
 
20 
 
 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 French and Indian hash, but he put his foot into it. He 
 assumed to know everything that related to powder and steel, 
 and when young Washington tried to show him that Indian 
 fio-hting differed slightly from that of other nations, he pro- 
 
 WasLiugtou ivarning General Braddock. 
 
 ceeded to elevate his well-colored nose and to pooh ! pooh I 
 the game young Virginian. 
 
 He didn't pooh ! pooh ! so much when the Indians got at 
 him. But he made a very good funeral, if he did prove a 
 failure as an Indian fighter. 
 
 It was a long, bloody war, and some of the brightest names 
 in American history received their first polish in it. Wash- 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 2t 
 
 ington, Franklin, Gates, Putnam, Arnold, Wolfe, IMont- 
 gomery, Morgan, and a host of others, lucky men who were 
 not born to be for<jotten. 
 
 But the English triumphed, and the French were wiped and 
 blown out completely, and a large number of Red-skins were 
 
 Death of King riiil-up.— A sad ii.iriiliif,'. 
 
 sent skipping through the happy hunting-grounds. This was 
 one of the best results of the war. 
 
 Well, things went on pretty lively after that, for the Indians 
 began to think they could fight, and they did make it pretty 
 warm for the settlers in various parts of the country, althoufrh 
 it ended, of course, in a happy hunting-ground picnic for them. 
 
22 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 Old Putnam gave it to them in Connecticut. You know- 
 Old Put ? The chap that went into the wolf's den and played 
 ball with its landlord. He won that game, as he \^on many 
 others afterward. 
 
 In fact, the American boys were kept in fighting trim nearly 
 
 Futuam and the wolf. 
 
 all the time after the French War, until they got their spines 
 into a curved attitude regarding the despotism of England. 
 
 During this preparatory scrimmaging, King Philip and 
 several other big Injuns went to grass and gave up the busi- 
 ness of fighting entirely, and when the Colonists began to 
 squirm and to talk back at England, the Reds had pretty 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIU IILSToKV UF AMKKICA. 
 
 23 
 
 o-enerally come to the conclusion that their destiny was to be 
 wiped out. 
 
 But now we are on the eve of the Revokition. Let us take 
 breath. (No, thank you, nothing stronger.) 
 
 England seemed to feel that Brother Jonathan was destined 
 
 The way the Colonists served John Bull, Esq., and his stamp. 
 
 i 
 
 to become a big boy, and soon after he had shown himself in 
 the French War, she began to put the screws on, fearing that 
 he would assert himself some time against her. 
 
 One of the first real cunning things she did was to pass the 
 Stamp Act; but England's representative got chased from the 
 
24 BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 soil with his blarsted old stamp on his shoulder. Then 
 Johnny Bull stamped and pulled his hair. 
 
 Then he attempted to tax tea, and Jonathan, thinking that 
 was not exactly the T, dumped a! £ew ship loads of it into a 
 huge tea-pot known as Boston Harbor, and it was a strong 
 drawing. 
 
 But wasn't John Bull mad when he heard how his boy had 
 been cutting up ! He was. He danced and howled, and 
 swore " He'd knock 'is blarsted 'ead hoff ; the lubberly colonial 
 hupstart!" 
 
 " That 'er blarsted boy hof mine his a-gittin' too big for 'is 
 small clothes, han', by Jove ! H'i think as 'ow I'll take 'im 
 down a bit ! The blarsted hidiot ! To say that I 'aven't the 
 right to tax 'im whatever I like ! Why, I'll bust the 'ole 'ead 
 hoff of 'im ! Didn't I save 'im from a-bein' chewed hup by 
 them bloody Frenchmen hand Hindians? Hand now the 
 blarsted hupstart is a-talkin' back to me ! Zounds !" 
 
 And so Johnny sent over a few thousand of his troops to 
 " punch our 'eads " for us. He never stopped to think that 
 the boy Jonathan was nearly man-grown, and with a little 
 experience would be likely to interpose some energetic objec- 
 tions to having his head punched. 
 
 Well, three or four thousand of his troops landed in Bos- 
 ton and attempted to enforce the Quartering Act ; that is, to 
 quarter themselves upon the Colonists and make them pay 
 the bills. Quartering Act, indeed ! The Americans refused 
 to stand the half of it. 
 
 The result was that Johnny's soldiers found themselves 
 obliored to grub for their o-rub, and as forao-inor was rather 
 risky, they fell back on Government hard-teck and herring, 
 while the Colonists were endeavorinor to sfet a hearinor before 
 the British Parliament. 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AaAIERICA. 
 
 25 
 
 The way John Bull cut up wheu lio heard the news of the trouble 
 
 in Boistou. 
 
26 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 Failing in this, they got mad, and kicked the uniformed 
 representatives of His Majesty, and they in turn shed first 
 blood in the streets of Boston. This bloody business roused 
 the blood on both sides, and things began to boil. 
 
 Sam Adams, Joe Warren, and John Hancock placed fuel 
 under the pot and kept it boiling, and in the meantime the 
 patriots gathered a store of ammunition at the little town of 
 Concord, near Boston, on which to draw in case of emergency. 
 
 General Gage knew of this, and resolved to scoop it in, 
 hoping in this way to discourage the boys. So he sent a 
 detachment of eight hundred men under Major Pitcairn, by a 
 roundabout way, to capture the stores. But the Minute men, 
 and especially Paul Revere, got wind of the move, and at 
 once rode through the country from house to house, alarming 
 the patriots and calling them to arms for the purpose of 
 defending their property. But he didn't have to break down 
 many doors before he got the people roused and on the road 
 to Concord. 
 
 Adams and Hancock were located somewhere In the neigh- 
 borhood, and the officers had special instructions to take them 
 without opening, if possible, but on the half shell, if needs be. 
 
 It was a very warm day, and they were gathering in hot 
 haste. The British, however, took it cool, and on their arrival 
 found about a hundred raw countrymen drawn up on the little 
 green. They might have been green to stake their all thus on 
 that little green, but they succeeded in firing that tremendous 
 "shot heard round the world," of which we have heard so 
 much. 
 
 Major Pitcairn pulled his cocked hat down until it rested on 
 his nose, and then pulling his sword, boldly advanced upon 
 the raws. 
 
 '' Rebs, throw down your arms and git !" he shouted. 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 27 
 
 " Oh, you go shoot yourself !" shouted the patriots. 
 
 "Shoot myself, eh, you blackguards? Well, I will shoot if 
 you are afraid to open the ball !" said he ; and turning, he dis- 
 charged his pistol in the air, smelled of the smoking barrel to 
 get his courage up, and then ordered his men to fire. 
 
 Tiiul Revere ulanniiijj tlic people an«l calliiij? tlicm to ariii.x. 
 
 * 
 And they did fire, toppling over six or seven of the patri- 
 ots, and really opening the ball with a volley of them. Then 
 began a running fire — a little more running than firing, per- 
 haps — until the British were masters of the situation. 
 
 But they had eaten only the outside of the apple yet ; they 
 had not come to the core. 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 Major Piteairn. at Concord, demanding the militia to lay down 
 
 their arms. 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 29 
 
 After doing everything but capturing Adams and Hancock, 
 they started to return, and then they came to the core, and a 
 seedy old core it was, too. The now thoroughly roused 
 patriots, with fresh recruits from the surrounding towns, fol- 
 lowed up the retreating regulars and pinked them from front, 
 flank, and rear, firing from behind fences, walls, trees, and life 
 insurance policies. 
 
 The result was that Johnny Bull got the first peppering of 
 the campaign, and by the time he reached Lexington, half of 
 his men had experimented in dust-biting and offered no 
 further resistance ; and had not re-enforcements met them 
 there, not a soul of them would have lived to eet back ao-ain 
 to Boston. 
 
 All thino^s considered, it was a crlorious fisfht, and it roused 
 
 the Colonists from one end of the land to the other, cutting 
 
 off all further hope of compromise or patchwork. Patrick 
 
 Henry, of Virginia, had it right when he asked, "What is it 
 
 -that gentlemen wish ? What will they have ?" 
 
 They all concluded to have a bayonet jDunch, with powder 
 trimminors. 
 
 General Gage proved himself a green gage in this affair, 
 for the Colonists flocked around Boston in thousands, and 
 throwing up intrenchments from Roxbury to the Mystic River, 
 soon shut him up completely — canned him, so to speak. 
 
 But re-enforcements arrived for him, and then he went on 
 with his bluster, declaring martial law, but offering to pardon 
 all who would lay down their arms, with the exception of 
 Adams and. Hancock. This only made matters worse, for 
 General Ward, with Putnam, Prescott, Stark, and Warren, 
 kept on making things warmer and warmer for him, and even 
 the boys in the streets whistled " Yankee Doodle " in liis ears. 
 
 Finally Prescott was sent with a detachment to fortify 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 m » 
 
BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 31 
 
 Bunker Hill, in Charlestown, from which point he could com- 
 mand Boston completely ; but in his anxiety to get as near 
 the enemy as possible, he went on to Breed's Hill and began 
 to throw up earthworks there in the night. 
 
 When Gage awoke the next morning, his eyes were opened. 
 If the patriots were allowed to fortify that point, he would 
 have to dust out of Boston on the double-quick, so prepara- 
 tions were at once made to dislodge them. 
 
 This attempt resulted in the Battle of Bunker Hill, wherein 
 the British got the worst dose of Yankee Doodle that they 
 received during the whole war. 
 
 But the patriots were taken at a disadvantage and before 
 they had half finished their fortifications or gathered half 
 enough men to withstand the shock, they stayed long enough 
 to put one thousand of Gage's best men out of the way where 
 they wouldn't have to train any more. 
 
 The British won the hill, but they didn't appear to want 
 any more hills at that price, while from that blood-soaked 
 mount a monument rose in after days at Webster's eloquent 
 bidding, and now pierces the clouds with its starry flags and 
 beacon lights for all the world to see. 
 
 (Historians always have to sling in a little highfalutin in 
 order to make Boston feel good.) 
 
 Very few of the survivors of that battle live to tell the 
 story. I got this second-handed, although the old chap at 
 first tried to make me believe he was there. But when, by 
 judicious cross-questioning, he gave himself away as being 
 only seventy-five years of age, it wasn't hard to convince him 
 that he must have been very young when the battle took 
 place. 
 
 But almost every other man you meet had an ancestor 
 there, which fact confuses historians verv much, leadino- them 
 
32 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 to believe that there must have been at least several millions 
 of ancestors at this first great shooting match. 
 
 Yet, I suppose we are all excusable for this little vanity of 
 patriotism, and if our ancestors were not there, it isn't our 
 fault ; it's no reason why we should spoil a good story, or be 
 suspected of belonging to an inferior race of beings. 
 
 But now we come to deal with the great and immortal 
 George. 
 
 A fortnight after the battle of Bunker Hill he arrived in 
 Cambridge, with the commission of commander-in-chief, and on 
 June 2d, 1775, unsheathed his rib-tickler under the " Wash- 
 inorton Elm." 
 
 The blade creaked a little as he drew it forth, for it had 
 been some time since he had used it, and not being given to 
 whipping it out at every dog-fight and election, it had become 
 somewhat rusty. 
 
 The patriots shouted until their tonsils ached, and it was a 
 day of general jubilee, to say nothing of the other generals 
 who took part in the affair. A copy of Trumbull's picture 
 will adorn this part of my history, from sketches by our 
 special artist taken on the spot. Our artist, by the way, has 
 touched up several historical pictures to adorn this work, and 
 when the reader gets full of feeling over these pages, he can 
 expend the surplus on the artist. 
 
 Well, speaking of Washington, he went right to work to 
 put his army in shape and give Congress sometliing to do to 
 provide for it. It was kept pretty busy, although they could 
 enact as many laws and pass as many resolutions as a modern 
 Congress can. 
 
 General Gage had been bounced and superseded by Howe, 
 and he in turn found his hands pretty tolerably full in keeping 
 himself in Eoston. Washington drew a fiery belt around 
 
BHICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 
 
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 P I t I 
 
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84 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 « 
 
 him on the land side, leaving only the harbor as a way out of 
 the hot-bed he had made for him, and he danced around all 
 that season, and until St. Patrick's day in the morning of the 
 following March, when he packed his valise and set sail for 
 New York. 
 
 Great was the joy of Boston on this occasion. Bells rang, 
 does barked, euns bellowed, and the nasal twanof was heard 
 to the uttermost part of the world. Up to this time Wash- 
 ington had been known as a civil engineer, and General Howe 
 afterward acknowledoed that he was never engineered out of 
 a place so civilly before in his whole military experience as he 
 had been out of Boston. 
 
 After the jubilation was over, Washington moved his army- 
 toward New York, whither he had dispatched General Lee 
 with a division, which arrived there the very day that the 
 British appeared in the harbor. This so enraged Sir Henry 
 Clinton, the commander, that he went off in a huff witli his 
 back up, and sailed for Virginia, where he also found the 
 patriots ready to receive him. In fact. Sir Henry never did 
 succeed in doin^ but little more than Ga^e or William Howe 
 had done, being something of a dandy general, and more in 
 cfeneral than a soldier. 
 
 Sir William Howe didn't do much better than Gage had 
 done, although the open winter favored him somehow in not 
 freezing up the harbor of Boston, otherwise Washington 
 never would have allowed him to escape any Howe. How- 
 ever, he; got away, as before related, taking with him a large 
 number of Tories, and landing them in Halifax, a point 
 almost as far away, although a great many degrees colder, as 
 the patriots wished them. 
 
 As before remarked, Sir Henry Clinton found it so warm 
 about Virginia that he concluded to scoop in South Carolina 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 33 
 
 instead, for he was bound to make his mark somewhere, and 
 while Washington was fortifying New York and vicinity, he 
 sailed for Charleston, with blood in his eye and wrath beneath 
 his wig-, being bound to hurt somebody bad. 
 
 Colonel Moultrie was waiting for him behind some fortifi- 
 cations on Sullivan's Island, and when the British fleet 
 attempted to enter the harbor, they became entangled on the 
 shoals, and were so warmly welcomed by Moultrie's guns that 
 they were compelled to retire with broken noses and the loss 
 of one ship. Sir Henry was getting along bravely, and if he 
 had been allowed to head a few more expeditions, it is safe to 
 say that the war would have ended several years sooner than 
 it did. 
 
 The gallant defense of Charleston harbor by Moultrie and 
 his men was worthy of praise, and they received it. It was 
 plucky work, and the first of the kind that the Americans had 
 done. 'Rah ! 
 
 Meanwhile, Thomas Jefferson took it into his head to write 
 a Declaration of Independence, and procuring a huge eagle's 
 quill, he sat himself down to the task. It might be as well to 
 omit that declaration in this history, since it is pretty gen- 
 erally known from having been read so often by Fourth of 
 July orators ; but I feel that the work would be incomplete 
 unless I noted the fact of its being a pretty cogent document, 
 and that it has proved quite a success. 
 
 Boston was as good as left out in the cold now, for the 
 theater of action was in New York and Philadelphia, and 
 after debating over the declaration a few days, it was finally 
 signed on the Fourth of July, 1776. 
 
 That was a great event. Up to this time St, Patrick's was 
 the biggest day in the calendar ; but from the hour that the 
 old bell on Independence Hall pealed forth the glad tidings, 
 
36 
 
 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 tellino^ the world that our statesmen had put their fists to this 
 document, St. Patrick was obhged to lower the key of his cat- 
 gut and play second fiddle. 
 
 They had no associated presses, telegraphs, or lightning 
 expresses in those days, but the news spread over the land 
 
 Thomas Jefferson at iTork upon the Declaratiou of Independence. 
 
 tolerably fast on horseback, and created quite as great a sen- 
 sation as it would have done had it gone by lightning or 
 steam. But the news arrived in many places so late that the 
 celebration took place late in the following August. But it 
 was the Fourth of July all the same. 
 
 A respectable army was encamped on Long Island, where 
 
BKK'KTUl'S ('O:\IIC UlsroKV OF AMERICA. 37 
 
 Brooklyn now stands, under the command of General Put- 
 nam, while the British held possession of Staten Island as a 
 base of operations. From these two points the armies made 
 snoots at each other, shook their fists, and dared each other 
 to walk out and meet half-way for a muss. This daring each 
 other went on until the 27th of August, when the British 
 crossed over from Staten Island and advanced upon the 
 Americans in three divisions. Then thino-s bec^an to look 
 lively. 
 
 Washinorton left New York and crossed over to Lone Island 
 to superintend the fun ; but it failed to turn out very funny 
 for his army, although it was funny how it managed to escape 
 without being gobbled up. The Americans fought bravely, and 
 had the generalship been equal to their valor, the bald-headed 
 historian might have thrown up his hat with a cheer at this 
 point. But the fact of the matter is, the British succeeded in 
 almost entirely surrounding the Americans before they knew 
 it, and so they got shaky on their pins and pegged for their 
 intrenchments with great loss. 
 
 Night coming on, Howe rang the bell for supper, and put 
 off the gobbling up of Washington's army until the next da}^ 
 There is where he made a mistake. Washington Q-ot out of 
 that without loss of time, and Howe followed him over to 
 New York, up to Harlem, White Plains, and at length over 
 into New Jersey, keeping the good man on the jump night 
 and day, until nearly all of his army had melted away. Those 
 were the blue days — the days that tried men's soles — as they 
 were kept on them so continually. 
 
 On the 8th of December, with a beggarly army of three 
 thousand men, Washington was hounded out of New Jersey 
 by Cornwallis, and, sick at heart, he crossed the Delaware into 
 Pennsylvania, the British general by this time becoming tired 
 
38 
 
 BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
BRICKTOFS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 39 
 
 of the chase, and going- into quarters on the New Jersey side 
 of tlie river. 
 
 But this is not the " Crossing of the Delaware " of which 
 we have read and seen so much. The real, genuine, Simon 
 pure crossing occurred a week or two later. 
 
 It may be imagined that Washington was mad about this 
 time. And wasn't it enough to make a man mad to be 
 bounced and driven about from pillar to post, as he had been 
 since the battle of Long Island ? So he resolved to make a 
 historical picture of himself, if nothing else. Hence the 
 picture of " Washington crossing the Delaware." 
 
 But it wasn't altogether a tableau party after all. The 
 truth was, there was a crowd of wild Hessians at Trenton, 
 and Washington was resolved on finding out how much they 
 could stand, and to do this he crossed the river, angry 
 with the flood and surging ice, and fell upon them un- 
 awares. He smote them hip and thigh, in front and in the 
 rear — mostly in the rear, however, for they gave the lie to 
 those who had all along maintained that they could not run 
 like blazes. 
 
 This little job was another feather in the cap of General 
 Washington, and fairly offset the Long Island disaster, which 
 had given everybody the blues. Then it was give and take 
 for awhile, but mostly " take " on Washington's part, since he 
 was obliged to give up Philadelphia, and take up with what 
 he could find in the shape of winter quarters at Valley Forge. 
 Here the army was reduced to skin and bone, and the bluest 
 old winter worried away that ever tried patriot hearts or the 
 barn-yards of \ surrounding country. 
 
 Whenever a person becomes indifferent, or doesn't feel like 
 celebrating the Fourth of July, let him turn to the history of 
 this awful winter, and if he doesn't feel more like burning 
 
40 
 
 BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AlVIERICA. 
 
 as- 
 
 be 
 
 =3 
 
 S 
 
 6C 
 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 41 
 
 powder in honor of our patriot forefathers, he had better go 
 out and shoot himself. 
 
 But we will turn from this gloomy picture to a brighter and 
 more active one on the Hudson River, above Albany, whither 
 General Burgoyne had been sent with a brilliant army of 
 about ten thousand men, for the purpose of cutting a way 
 through to Canada. General Schuyler was in command of 
 the Americans, and got pretty well pounded around before 
 Congress took the command from him and oave it to General 
 Gates. 
 
 Then there was a turn in the tide of affairs. Burgoyne 
 found himself in want of horses and provisions, and as the 
 British had thus far helped themselves to whatever they 
 wanted, he sent a strong detachment to Bennington to scoop 
 in the accumulation of stores collected there. General Stark 
 got stark mad at this display of cheek, and at the head of his 
 Green Mountain boys, he marched out and put a head on that 
 expedition in the most expeditious manner. 
 
 Burgoyne concluded not to fool around in that quarter any 
 more, and as it was getting rather warm and sickly about 
 there, he resolved to rest awhile at Saratos^a, noted to this 
 day for being a good resort for sick folks. 
 
 But Saratoofa water wouldn't save him. Gates worried 
 him on all sides, and finally at Bemus Heights gave him a 
 taste of what was coming — a sort of bust in the nose before 
 the final knock-down. 
 
 During this engagement General Arnold displayed the 
 most daring and reckless bravery, fighting like a wild cat, with 
 the bullets whizzing around him like hail. In fact, I have it 
 from an old inhabitant of Saratoga, who got it from another 
 old chap, that he employed five negroes to bring him horses 
 to have shot down under him. 
 
42 
 
 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 Some sober historians have insisted that Arnold was drunk 
 during this engagement, but if he really was, what a pity that 
 General Gates had not given a pint of the same rum to several 
 others that day. But, drunk or sober, he fought bravely ; and 
 as it is the province of the present historian to give the devil 
 
 Arnold at the battle of Saratoga. 
 
 his due, let it be here recorded that in spite of what he after- 
 ward did, Benedict Arnold, at the battle of Bemus Heights, 
 was the bravest of the brave, and by his conduct and example 
 turned the tide of war. 
 
 In the next battle that Burgoyne risked, he got a head put 
 on him so big that King George could never get ahead of it. 
 
BRIOKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AiMERICA. 
 
 43 
 
 Finding that the raw recruits from the country towns were too 
 much for him, and that they were gathering on all sides of 
 him, he concluded to throw up the sponge. Gates had no 
 particular need of it, for he had already wiped him out. 
 
 So on the 17th of October, 1777, the haughty Burgoyne, 
 
 The siirreiuler of Burgoyne. 
 
 who had started out with such great expectations, surrendered 
 his battered sword to General Gates. Then American free- 
 men howled ; then the bald-headed eade screamed and 
 soared, and for the time being the British lion was a lion on 
 his back. 'Rah ! 
 
 That season passed with but little else than hurrahing over 
 
44 
 
 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 m 
 
 
 liliiiilPliip*^ 111 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY (JF A.^IEKICA. 48 
 
 Burgoyne's surrender, so far as the North was concerned, 
 although Washington was being pounded around badly in 
 Pennsylvania and New Jersey, and was finally driven into 
 winter quarters at Valley Forge, his army reduced by sick- 
 ness and desertion until it could hardly charge a tlock of 
 
 sheep. 
 
 Add to this the terrors of one of the severest winters ever 
 known, and understand that his army was half naked and had 
 hardly any shelter from the weather, and you have only a 
 portion of the picture, for starvation threatened them on every 
 side. Strip a man's back and pinch his belly, and you have a 
 very good test of his patriotism if he stands it without kicking. 
 
 The men at Valley Forge didn't kick — they lacked the 
 strength to. But Washington got a permit from Congress to 
 buy of the surrounding farmers, whether they wanted to sell 
 or not, paying them in scrip worth about as much as Con- 
 federate money now is. 
 
 • But this made trade good— for the army— and by close 
 attention to business they managed to skin through the win- 
 ter, but came out of it very skinny themselves. 
 
 About this time F>ance gave us a hand, and things began 
 to look squally for J. Bull, Esq. He began to think that 
 possibly he had put his foot in it, and sent over some com- 
 missioners to try and coax us to be good, and promised to 
 take it all back if we would only lay down our arms. 
 
 But Jonathan had his back humped for a fight, and he was 
 feelino- more like it now than ever, and so the lordly commis- 
 sionerswere sent back with fleas in their auricular organs. 
 
 General Clinton concluded to git up and git out of Phila- 
 phia (from which he had driven Congress), and to make his 
 way back to New York again. He started to go, and Wash- 
 inc^ton followed him. It was the American eagle's turn now, 
 
46 
 
 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF A3IERICA. 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 47 
 
 and how he screamed as he hung on the flanks of that retreat- 
 ing- army ! 
 
 Coming up to Clinton near Monmouth Court House, Wash- 
 ington ordered General Lee to sick 'em ! and that impetuous 
 bundle of selfishness attempted to do it, while the commander- 
 in-chief followed with re-enforcements. 
 
 Lee found the British lion quite able to kick back while 
 eoinof ahead, and fearinor that he mio^ht q-qI scratched, he ran 
 back to meet Washington, who, finding his division in dis- 
 order, through his ofificer's cowardice, rode up to him and gave 
 him a piece of his mind large enough to make a tent of. In 
 other words, he blowed him up, used cuss words, called him a 
 dough-head, and threatened to have him suspended. 
 
 Lee turned up his nose, of course, for he was a high-born 
 cuss ; and besides, he knew that Washington didn't have time 
 to tweak it just then (but he did it afterward, though, 
 figuratively speaking), for there was disorder to check, and 
 the battle of Monmouth to be fouQ-ht. 
 
 That battle was fought until night let down the act-drop, 
 and both armies retired. Clinton escaped during the night, 
 and Washinorton refused to follow him, knowincr that Lord 
 Howe would be waiting to take him on board his ships at 
 Sandy Hook. 
 
 The French lent us considerable encouragement and moral 
 influence that year, but not much fighting, especially as 
 resfards their fleet under D'Estainsf. But it showed their 
 good intentions, and helped to make John Bull sicker than he 
 was. 
 
 The war was prosecuted at the South with great vigor, 
 where General Green, with his barefooted legion, made it ex- 
 ceedingly lively for the British in every quarter, as did also 
 Marion and Morgan. Fire and sword were carried to almost 
 
48 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 every town and village in the South, but the retiii'ii fire was 
 the best. 
 
 This year was marked by one of the most desperate naval 
 battles ever fought. Paul Jones was cruising on the British 
 coast in September, in command of three small ships that had 
 been fitted out in France, when he fell in with two large 
 Eno-lish frisfates with a convoy of merchant vessels. The 
 battle began at sunset, and early in the engagement Jones 
 lashed his own ship, the Bon Homme Richard, to the frigate 
 Serapis, and the battle was continued with the guns of the 
 two ships almost muzzle to muzzle. But Jones meant busi- 
 ness ; he wasn't there for fun at all. The vessels were on fire 
 several times, and the boarders were driven back frequently ; 
 but no one thought of giving up except, possibly, those who 
 got killed. 
 
 But pluck won, and at ten o'clock the Serapis gave it up 
 and surrendered, as did the other frigate. And not a moment 
 too soon, for the Richard had been cuffed so badly that she 
 sunk before daylight the next day. And yet Jones didn't care 
 much ; he had all the ships he wanted now, and was hailed 
 " Bully Boy of the Ocean !" 
 
 Things looked considerably brighter at the close of this 
 year than they did the year before. The American army, 
 under command of Stony Point Wayne, went into winter 
 quarters at Morristown, New Jersey, and as Brother Jona- 
 than's cupboard was somewhat better stocked with grub than 
 it had been the year before, the lads had a much better time 
 of it than at Valley Forge. 
 
 The British, during this winter, enjoyed a sort of picnic 
 walk-over in the Carolinas, and again things looked like a cold 
 nose for the United States ; and when grub grew scarce, and 
 it took thirty Continental dollars to buy a silver one, then the 
 
BRICKTOPS COimC llibTOltV (;F AMKHICA. 
 
 49 
 
 enemy thought they would put a finishing touch upon the 
 business by attacking the half-famished soldiers at Morris- 
 town. They got hit on the nose and went back to New York 
 for a handkerchief. 
 
 This year was made memorable by Arnold's treason. He 
 
 The capture of Major Andre at Tarrytowu. 
 
 got cranky, and tried to sell out West Point to the enemy, and 
 he would have succeeded in doing so had not Major Andre, 
 the negotiator appointed by Clinton to carry out the trade, 
 been caught by three patriots at Tarrytown, on his way back 
 to New York with the documents in his possession. 
 
 He tried to buy them off, offering his ticker and all the 
 
so BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 loose change he had about him ; but they wouldn't have it, 
 and he, poor devil ! had to swing, while Arnold went scot- 
 free, and worked out the deviltry that was in him by burning, 
 murdering, and plundering on the side of England. 
 
 Generals Green and Marion, together with several other 
 brave partisans, made it pretty warm for the British in the 
 South ; and finding that they were making but little headway 
 there, Cornwallis turned his nose northward, and South Caro- 
 lina again took her place in the Union. 
 
 In this connection the French, both with ships and men, 
 rendered our cause good service ; and after cooping Cornwallis 
 up in Yorktown, they proceeded leisurely to give him the 
 worst old drubbino; that a sfeneral ever orot. In fact, the 
 " Corn " was all shelled off ; and when he threw up the sponge 
 and handed his sword over to Washington, he was only a 
 Cob-wallis, and hardly hog-fodder at that. 
 
 This business cooked the English goose, said goose being 
 George III. Reluctantly Parliament concluded to shut pan 
 and call off the dogs of war, which they did in the month of 
 March, 1782. 
 
 But still there was trouble and no money at home. The 
 army could not be paid, and, of course, not disbanded with- 
 out it; and at Newburg, on the Hudson, both officers and 
 men got their back up and proposed to make a king of Wash- 
 ingfton. But none for George. He wouldn't have it, and 
 finally pacified them. 
 
 After much red tape in Paris, the commissioners, in Sep- 
 tember, 1783, signed a final treat)^ and a telegraph dispatch 
 was sent over for the British to come 'ome, and on the 25th 
 of November they left New York at the Battery, and Wash- 
 ington entered it from the north. And we've had it ever 
 since. 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 61 
 
S2 
 
 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AltlERICA. 
 
 Embarkatiou of the British from New York for 'ome. 
 
BRICKTOP'S COMIC IIISTOm OK AMIOKICA. 
 
 33 
 
 Things being- fixed up all right, Washington took leave of 
 his officers, and, like the noble man he was, went to Annapolis, 
 and with solemn dignity surrendered his commission to Con- 
 eress, after which he retired to his farm at Mount Vernon, 
 arriving there just in time to sow his winter wheat. 
 
 The Indiana were still bent ou fjoiiig for hair. 
 
 Liberty and Onion ! 
 
 Brother Jonathan had broken away from the parental apron- 
 string, and in doing so had shown much pluck. Now he was 
 at liberty to do as he pleased. Now he was of age, and the 
 way he did kick up his heels ; the way that bald-headed, wide- 
 spreading, high-stepping, double-gaffed American eagle did 
 scream for a few months was a caution to Tories and tyrants ! 
 
84 BKICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 But after his spree he got right down to the business of 
 running a nation, made a constitution, held his first election, 
 and with his whole voice called Washington, " The first in war, 
 first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen !" to 
 the dignity of first President, and the ship of State was 
 launched in first-class style. 
 
 And so we started, with enemies on all sides, even France 
 giving us the bony shoulder on account of some political 
 misunderstanding, while the Indians in the West appeared to 
 be just dying to be thrashed. Brave General Wayne gave 
 them satisf'action, and made them sorry that they had ever 
 listened to England, who incited them in the hope of reopen- 
 inof the fi^ht and orettino- hunk. 
 
 But Jonathan was growing all the while, and after electing 
 two or three Presidents, and findingr that he could live throuorh 
 a political campaign all right, he concluded not to stand any 
 more. of Daddy Bull's impudence in pressing our seamen, and 
 President Madison declared war against the old tyrant in 1812. 
 
 Of course we had a little fighting on land, such as Hull's 
 victory; but the most brilliant portion of it was on the water. 
 Captain Ike Hull (no relation to the other Hull) and the 
 gallant old Constitution knocked the stuffing and the pride all 
 out of the frigate La Guerriere, near the Gulf of St. Law- 
 rence, and Captain Decatur, in the frigate United States, 
 warmed and captured the frigate Macedonian. The frigate 
 President captured J. Bull's' floating money-box, with two 
 hundred thousand dollars in specie. These, with a few little 
 flare-ups at different points, punctuated the year 181 2. 
 
 The next year old " Tippecanoe " opened the ball in the 
 North-west, making it lively for both the British and their 
 Indian allies, while a young United States officer by the 
 name of Perry, after actually building a fleet of vessels, 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF A^MERICA, 
 
 63 
 
 cJ5 
 
« 
 S6 BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 sailed for Captain Barclay, the commander of the British fleet, 
 on Lake Erie, and after one of the pluckiest fights ever re- 
 corded, blew them all out of water, and then originated that 
 more than Csesarian dispatch : " We have met the enemy, 
 and they are ours !" 
 
 Once more did the bird of freedom scream ! 
 
 A few more brilliant victories in the North feathered young 
 Jonathan's cap very nicely, and he went into winter quarters, 
 while Jackson was playing lively tunes for the enemy in the 
 South, where, at Tallapoosa, he pricked the bubble of the 
 Creek War by a brilliant victory. 
 
 As an offset to these battles, and just to show the world 
 that we were no slouch of a nation, the Hoi'iiet, a little sloop 
 of war, commanded by Captain Lawrence, walloped and 
 picked the feathers off the British frigate Peacock in fifteen 
 minutes by the clock. 
 
 General Scott warmed the enemy at Chippewa and Lundy's 
 Lane, and at Plattsburg they got shook up so vigorously that 
 the army of veterans, who had just come from Waterloo, 
 found a little Waterloo of their own, and surrendered. 
 
 But the British captured and burned Washington, and 
 attempted to do the same for Baltimore, but somehow they 
 ran against a snag in the shape of Fort McHenry, and con- 
 cluded to retire. It was while under this fire that the genius 
 of liberty gave birth to the " Star Spangled Banner." 
 
 Long may it wave ! 
 
 The next blow — a reofular knock-down and finisher — was 
 given by General Jackson at New Orleans. This settled 
 Johnny Bull, and he has never attempted to fool with his 
 fiofhtinof son since then. 
 
 In the meantime, Stat€ after State had been settled, de- 
 veloped, and joined to the Union, and things were lively all 
 
 LcfC. 
 
BlilCKTOPS CO.MIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 57 
 
 
 
 o 
 
 99 
 
 dil;;llliilllliiiii;ii,i:li! 
 
 '''"lies"- 
 
 1 PPf'S^^H: 
 
 
 
58 
 
 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 around the political firmament. The cotton-gin was invented ; 
 the steamboat had become a floating and a fixed fact ; slavery 
 began to be talked about, and the Northern States abolished 
 it, while the Southern ones clung to it with greater 
 tenacity than ever. It is the nature of Americans to have 
 
 General Scott iinisliiug the Mexican War. 
 
 some subject or other for agitation, and here was a fruitful 
 one. 
 
 Well, we went on makinof Presidents and ereat statesmen 
 until the outbreak of the war with Mexico — a fancy war that 
 Taylor and Scott finished up gloriously, Santa Anna getting 
 kicked out of time, and sent hobblincr off on his wooden 
 
liUK'KTors COMIC iiisroiiY OF a:^iekica. 
 
 59 
 
 leo-. This only made the American eagle scream louder, of 
 
 course. 
 
 Thino-s went on "just lovely " with Uncle Sam until the 
 North and South began to muss and hump their backs about 
 
 the darky. 
 
 Finally that unruly member of the family laying south of 
 
 Nailing the old flag to the mast at Fort Siuuter. 
 
 the then black-wool line got fighting mad, and began throw- 
 ing stones and things at the North. 
 
 Then they captured forts and arsenals. In fact, the 
 young Confederacy acted very much as the old Thir- 
 teen States had acted toward England, although it did 
 not ha e so strong a cause or so good a reason for rebellion. 
 
eo 
 
 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTOlfr OF AMERICA. 
 
 Colnmbia si)ankiiig her rebellions boy. 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. > 6t 
 
 This conduct at first made Columbia very sad ; she could 
 hardly believe it. But when news came of the gallant defense 
 of Fort Sumter, where the " old flag " was nailed to the mast, 
 only to be shot down — not lowered — then she got mad, and 
 just went for that unruly boy. 
 
 She finally caught him as he was trying to escape from 
 Richmond, and gave him a spanking at Appomattox Court 
 House, 
 
 Then she felt satisfied, and so did the boy, although he 
 sulked some afterward. But the spanking did him good, and/ 
 although he lost his woolly hobby, he has grown stronger and' 
 better on account of it. 
 
 Still, misunderstandinors will occur in the best regulated 
 families, and possibly we may grow wiser as we spread and 
 fill out. 
 
 But the duty of the comic historian is nearly at an end. 
 Peace reigned, and so did Uncle Sam. 
 
 One hundred years had rolled away since he had kicked 
 against the tyranny of the mother country, and he resolved on 
 having a grand celebration on the centennial year of his 
 national existence. 
 
 The bells should ring, the cannons howl, the bald-headed 
 eagle be allowed to scream, and everybody given permission 
 to burn powder in larger quantities, and make louder and 
 longer speeches than on any previous Fourth of July. 
 
 And where could all this be done so well and appropriately 
 as at Philadelphia, where the Declaration of Independence 
 was first written and read to the world ? 
 
 Philadelphia shouted unanimously, " Nowhere !" 
 
 Well, so thought Uncle Samuel, and he went to work to 
 get up the greatest International Exhibition, in honor of his 
 one hundredth birthdav, that was ever known. 
 
62 
 
 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 
 
 Uncle Sam soars aloft on tlie back of the American Eagle. 
 
BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 63 
 
 And has he not done it ? 
 
 Hurrah ! He soars aloft on his game-cock ! 
 
 Beat the drums and squeak the fife ! 
 
 Let New England rejoice through her nose ! 
 
 Let all parts rejoice, and swear one hundred years more of 
 fealty to the old flag. We ought to be willing to agree to a 
 little thing like that. 
 
 Attention, company ! March ! 
 
 All shout : 
 
 " Forever float that standard sheet 
 
 While breathes the foe, but falls before us, 
 With freedom's soil beneath our feet, 
 And freedom's banner wavino- o'er us !" 
 
 'RAH! 
 
 THE END. 
 
»