;5i LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 014 434 675 Hollinger Coro. THE MINOR DRAMA. No. XXXIII. COCKNEYS IF CALIFORNIA. *'% picre of #olbm ©pportunit^." IN ONE ACT. BY J. STIRLING COYNE, ESQ, ALSO THE STAGE BUSINESS, CASTS OF CHARACTERS, COSTUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. NEW YORK : M. DOUGLAS, 11 SPRUCE ST., Publisher, AND FOR SALE BIT BERFORD & CO., 2 ASTOR HOUSE; Stringer & Townsend, and H. Long & Brother, New York ; Redding & Co. and Hotchki8s& Co., Boston; S. G. Sherman, T. B. Peterson, Phila- delphia; Wm. Taylor & Co., Baltimore; Amos Head, Charleston; J. H. Pierce, Wilmington, N. C. ; J. B. Rusconi, New Orleans; Ro- binson and Jones, Cinciimati ; M.P. Morse, Pittsburgh ; D. M. Dewey, Rochester; A. Burke, Buffalo ; Wm.Adam,Washington, D.C. ; Burgesa & Wood, Cincinnatti ; J. & W. R. Fisher, Boston. c:^a,. IBS I 3 • \ CAST OF CHARACTERS. Adelphi. National. Olympic. Broadway AttthonyChiffine.MT. Munyard. Mr. W.Chapman.Mr. Conovcr. Mr. Hadaway Jacob Bunker... " P. Bedford. " Pardey. '' Nickiusou. " E. Shaw. The Monkey " Mitchen.'ion. " Colladine. Mons. Wiethoff. Walter Ch.ffins.. Woodward. Mast. Chapman. Mast. Edwards. Miss Wallis. Peter "Linden- Mr. Seymour. Mrs. OMffins Mrs.F.Matthews.Mrs.G. Cnapman,Mis8 Clarke. Mrs. Watts. Julina Miss Turner. Miss Miles. Miss Carman. COSTUMES. ANTHONY CHIFFINS. — Nankeen trowsers, long white' waistcoat, black short skirted coat, small white hat, long haired black wig. JAOOB BUNKER. — Large brown trowsers, high boots, canvass frock, black belt blue handk'^rchief, rod wig, glazed hat. THE MONKEY.— WALKER CHIFFINS.— Nankecu dress, straw hat. PETER. — Canvass trowsers, red shirt, straw hat. MILS. CHIFFINS — Travelling plain dress, straw bonnet, black silk shawl. JULINA.— Slave's dress. EXITS .AND EWTKANCES. H. means ffie-Zii! ; 1.. Left: B.. D. Right Door ; L. D. Left Door S. B. Second Entrance ; U. E. Upper Entrance; M. D. Middle Door RELATIVE POSITIONS. R., means Risht; L., Left; C, Centre; R. C, Right of Centre; [.. C, Left of Centre. COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. ACT I. Scene I. — A wild xooody scene in California. Chiffins holloas outside, and tlien enters, r., carrying on his hack his son, Walker, a rearming pan in cither hand ; he is followed by Mrs. Chiffins, who carries a?i infant in her arms. Chif Hol-loa-a-a ! Ah ! nobody hears me — 'nobody's coming ! — It's useless holloaing any longer. There's not an omnibus, a cab, or even a wandering policeman to be found in this desolate place. Mrs, Chiffins, my dear, it's my opinion that we're all lost — every individual of this interesting little group. Mrs. G. Oh ! dear Chiffins, don't say so. Chf. It's a melancholy fact, though. We're so utterly lost, that I doubt if that active and intelligent officer, For- rester, armed with a search warrant could possibly find us in this forest. Mrs. C. Why don't you shout again, then ? Chif I've been shouting, Mrs. Chiffins, till I have nearly shouted the last particle of voice out of my manly bosom. Mrs. C. Then, what is to become of us 1 Chf. That's precisely what I don't know. Mrs. C. For my part, 1 wish I had never quitted my little shop at Hoxton. Chif Hah! You have no spirit of enterprise. Mi's. Chiffins ; you would have been quite content to spend your life dispeiising brandy-balls, peg-tops, gingerbread and ballads, to the rising- veneration of Hoxton. 4 COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. Mrs. C. Aye, that I would ! — and it would have been better if you had stuck to your school, too. Ch/f. Academy ! — Mrs. Chiffins — say my academy, for the instruction of ingenious youth in the polite arts of read- ing, writing, turning the mangle, and other branches of useful knowledge. The tree of knowledge is a fine tree, no doubt; but you know I've been digging at its roots for ever so long, without getting any fruits from it, and so I'm determined to try my luck at the gold diggings in Cali- fornia, where the precious dust is so abundant, that any body may have a warming-pan full for the scooping of it up. ii/r.y. C. Ah ! Chiffins, they've been throwing that pre- ci:;us dust in your eyes. For my part, I don't think there's any such place in the world as Californy. C/{i/. What ! — would you go to set your face again the m.ap of the world ] — Do you suspect Guy's Geography, rna'am? il//-.T. C. I suspect its only fit for Guys. Chif. Mrs. Chiffins, my dear, I'm ashamed of your geo- graphical incompetency. I'll venture to say, that my youngest pupil, little Cicero Chiffins, who reposes on your iiiaternal bosom, could tell you whei'e California is — if he could speak. However, here we are ; and if we hadn't lost Zekiel Flum, our Yankee guide, this morning, in the forest, I calculate we should have been now somewhere in the neighborhood of the gold diggings. Mrs. C. 1 shouldn't have cared so much for the Yankee, if he hadn't carried off our mule and baggage along with him. Oh dear! — I'm really able to walk no further! — little Cicero is such an uncommonly solid child of his age— C/ti/. And his brother. Walker, who is three sizes larger, has nearly broken the paternal back. — D'ye hear me, Walker, what part of speech are you, sir? Wal. A noun substantive, fathei". Cf/if. Very good ! and what is a noun substantive ? IFa/. Any thing that stands by itself C/iif. Then you iiad better dismount, and stand by yourself, for I can carry you no longer. — [drops the hoy from Ids hack.) Mrs. C. Chiffins! — Chiffins! — are you a father] COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 5 Cliif. Father ! — A word which signifies to be — to do — and to suffer. Yes — I certainly beheve I am a father,— But though I've got the feelings of a father, I havn't got the back of an elephant, Mrs. C. Ah, well ! I dare say our sufferings will s^'on be over. [Captain Bunker lieard singing at a distance. Chif. Hark ! — Isn't that a voice % — My ears don't deceive me, Mrs. C. No — you may trust to your long eai's, ChifTIns — it is a voice. CJiif. And one that I have heard before. — Hey ! I see the California nightingale moving this way through tlio trees. [Captain Bunker sings tvithout, l. SONG. Air — " Soldier Laddie." Sell you tables — sell your chairs ; Sell your mangles — Sell your mangles ; — Sell your feather beds — who cares? We'll have spangles — We'll have spangles ! Chif. Goodness ! — No — it never ^an be ! my old friend Captain Jacob Bunkei', of " The Uncle of the Thames," Gravesend steamer ! iWry. C. Captain Bunker ! Chif. A magnificent man, Mrs. Chiffins! — with a heart in which the philanthropy of at least half a dozen Bene- volent Societies has been bottled off. Enter Captain Bunker, l. (Sings.) Come with shovel, pick, and spade, Pan and ladle ; — pan and ladle ; D'gging gold's your only trade ! Bring a cradle ; — bring a cradle. Chif. Hah ! — It is the gallant Bunker himself. Bun. Hey! — stop her! — who hails Bunker? — Hollo! hollo! — -.Chiflfin's, my boy! — You in California? Mrs. C. Oh, Captain! — this is a blessed meeting? If you hadn't come, we should have perished here, like the babes in the wood. Chif My dear friend ! Allow me ! — (shakes Bunker's 6 LniK.Ni:Vrf !.N i.'ALll'01{NlA. /'and.) I may tiuly say I'm delightecl lo sec you. — Boeii ioiig ii. lliis mngnificent CDUiitiy, captain ? Bun. Anout aix weeks. C/nj] .Six wi't'ks ! — W'lial a lieap of gold you must have scraped up in Lhc titno! — liow (nauy bushels a day, on llio average ? Bun. Why — a — nr)t many. Confldenlially speaking, I've been onl of luck ; and liavn't hit on tlie riglit dig- gins yel — hill never mind — \sinqs\ — "llicrc's a good time coming," — and ])Ii'nty o( gold — hnt very little to eat. (yuj'. C)h ! well — -I'm not pailicnlar about my victuals. I\Irs. C. .A.!!, CliiHins ! — I told you how it would be — What's to become of our poor babes now] we might as well have sent iliem lo llio Union. Bun. Hollo! hollo! — Don't hang out signals of distress so soon ; I've goi a stock of provisions in my hut, a little way up ihe valley ; as long as ihey last you're welcome to shaie ihem. C/iij] 'J'herc spukc the gallant I>unkcr, once the darling of liis ciew ! B'/?i. 'i'urn ahead, aiul away we goes, then! C/iif. Come, Mrs. C, exert your native energies, ir.y angel! — and you. Walker, follow in the footsteps of youi parental pa. TRIO. Air. — " ' Ticns in (he. mrrry monlh nf Mat/.'" Bun. Niibiiily at liomo will s!;iy. Digging I'lir golil is all llio fun ; Wo sliiiuitli'i' mil- Riimlos ami iii;u"cli away, Ami dfl' 1(1 Caliluniy rtiii. Tlio YaiiUoo Iradei" loavos liis sturo. 'I'lio Nigger swears lio'll wmli mi iiini-e; Rveii tlio tliief gives ii|) liis priggiiis 'I'u tiy his liaiiil ill ".lieso hero iliggiiis. (Togiiher) N()l)(Hly now, &c. Mrs. C. The hulios, ton. as I am told. To sliow thai ilioy are not at all afraid, Aro short I V tn ho eiirnlleil — The CalifnViiinii Gold i5rigade. The la'iiidresses tlie Iroo|i will Join, And ieikl their hand in the washing lino; W'liili) every housemaid in tho innslor Will piuvo liorseir a rare guild duster ! Nuljiidy now .Vi-, IOCKNi:vS IN CAMIOKNIA. / Chif. Tliree old women — the one was Inmc, The second was clenf, the third nigli blind,— To lollovv the men they were all game. And vow'd they'd none ul'em stay behind. Our wills are good — but alack-a-day I At digging gold, we'll have a try lor it; For where there's a will there's always a way, And we'll dig a bit, although we die lor it ! Nobody now, >fv:c. [Exeunt, Bunker, Chiffins, Walker, and Mrs CuiKi'INS, L.] Scene II. — Another part of tJie i?iotintahis. — At hack, tlie river is seen rtishi^ig down a mountain gorge amongst rocks and trees. Nearer to f/ic spectator, L.,a small hut composed oj" branches of trees ; on lite same side, a ham- mock, slung under a tree. On n. a fire on the ground, over 7vhich Jiangs a camj) keltic, ssu]>cnded from a rude triangle. English, Sjnmish, American, Indian, Mexican, and, Negro jjcople, emploi/ed in the various operations of diggi?ig and icashmg the earth for gold. Peter, a Negro man, u., Julina, his wife, sitting i,. with Hack child. Diggers come forward, icith wooden holds and little haskcts containing gold. ; the others collect around them, and the new coiiiers exhibit lumps of gold. ClIOKLS OF Goi.I> DiOGF.KS. Gold, gold, golil ! The yellow wo we find ; In love, in peace, in war, 'Tis gold that rides mankind. Dig. dig. dig! Antl (urn the teeming soil. For heaps of shining gold. Shall well reward our toil. Soi.o. The soldier spills his blood : The sailor ])loughs the main ; The student wastes the lamp ; The precious ore to gain. Chorus. Dig. dig, dig ! &c. 1 At the end of the chorus all the gold diggers resume their occupations, and go off gradually at dif ferent sides. — Peter and Jui.ina remain. 8 COCKNEYS IS CALIFORNIA. Pet. Julina! Jid. Wliat am dat, Peta ? Pet. It strike mc berry hard — dis'erc colour gen'lman dam ftjol, to stay for nigga help any longer wit massa ]]unker. What for I dig for him when ebbery body in Callumfornia dig for himself? Jul. Berry liue, Peta — berry true ! Pet. Tell you what, Julina ! — You and me go to the libber, and wash out a sack of gold d\ist on our own ac- count. Jt(L Oh! golly! Peta! — dat would be nice! But if Massa Bunka fuul out, won't lie l)e mad 1 Pet. Dam Massa Bunker I dis child can pick more gold dan him. Jul. But you know, Peta, he hire you for fifty dollars a month. Pet. Hi, hi, hi, hi ! — Fifty dollars — jiaid in advance — hi, hi, hi ! Dam Massa Bunker! — come aloiig, Julina ! Jul. Oil ! stop bit ; — what am do wid lilly ]*eta ? Pet. Why, put him to sleep in de hammock ; he'll li« dar, safe as a coon in a holler tree. — [Vetv.r ])u(s child into hafninoch.) — Bless him, liow hansome he grow; — de wool on his little head curl so tight he can't shut his eyes. — Now come along, .Julina. [Petku takes a tcoodcn howl, and exit willi Julina, I,. As soon as they are gone a monkey descends from a tree, l., goes to the luiinvioek and takes out the c/iild, tcith which he escapes as CnirriNj* enters, followed l>y Bunki^k, ^Irs. Ciiikpins, and Wai.kkr, i,. Qhif Well, 1 declare, a man can never see the woild at home. AVhy, this beats Hornsey Wood all to nolliing. 'Bun. Here we are, my boy, on my settlement ! I'liat'."? the river Sacramento — and there arc the gold-seekers — Yankees, Mexicans, Niggers, Spaniards — all digging fl>r gold on the banks. Chif. What a prodigious run for gold on your banks ! Hun. And there's my hammock, ma'am, under that gum tree, where I turn in at night. M/*. C Dear mc, Caj)tain, 'tis so small! — ] shouhl think you could scarcely turn in it. Bun. Well, ma'am, it is certainly rather narrow for a COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 9 man of my tonnage, but I made it so on purpose to dodge the musquitoes; for when I turn in they must turn out ; there ain't room for more than half-a-dozen of them to lodge along with me. Chif. — {utters an exclamation of sudden 'pain^ — Oh ! oh ! — what's that ? Bun. Stop — stop ! — it's one of them — {catches a mus- quito on Ckijjins' neck) — only a small fellow — not much larger than a wasp. Some of them run as big as sparrows. Chif. Musquitoes as big as sparrows ! Bun. Regular nippers, my boy ! that could draw blood from an anchor fluke ; and the worst of them is, they'll never touch a seasoned settler while there's a stranger's skin to be had for the biting. Chif. Heaven preserve our tender skins ! — what's to become of us, if we're to be served up as a banquet for these Californian vampires 1 Mrs. C. {who has seated herself on a bank, R., starts up, exclaiming) Oh! oh! oh! — Captain — look there! — what is it 1 — that little shiny thing wriggling through the dry leaves ? Bun. Oh ! ma'am, don't be alarmed — it's only a gieen snake ; we make eel pies of 'em in these paits — and werry good imitations of the real Twit'nams they are. Mrs. G. Green snakes ! — eel pies ! — a-ah I I could never abide them. Chif. I hope, Captain, we shan't have many of these visitors here. Bun. Oh ! nothing to speak of — only a few scorpions and toads, and venomous spiders. You must keep a sharp look out, too, in your shoes, when you get up in the morn- ing, for the centipedes — them chaps with a hundred feet. Chif A hundred feet in my shoes! Ecod! I don't pity them if they've got corns among them. Bun. — {calling) — Julina ! Dash my paddles, where can the black wench be 1 — I hope she hasn't left me to cook my own dinner. — {calls) — Peter ! — the nigger rascal's gone too! Never mind — the kettle's on the fire yonder; all we want is something to fill it — so I'll just step and see what I've got in the locker. [Exit, l. Chif Bravo ! — the gallant Bunker is like the pelican of the wilderness: — he's "the sweet little cherub that sits 10 COCKNKYS IN CALIFORNIA. up aloft to keep watch for the hfe of poor Chiffins." Wal- ker, you good-for-nothing particle, don't stand there, sir, with yoar hands in your breeches' pockets, like a note of admiration, but put more sticks on the fire, and make the kettle boil directly. IVal. Yes, father — that I will. — ( T/ie hoy goes to fire, gathers sticks, and, fut them on.) Mrs. C. And while the Captain's away, I'll step into the cabin, and make myself fit to be seen. Cicero's fallen asleep, so I'll lay the dear little fellow in this hammock here till I return, Chif. Give him to me, my dear. — [takes wf ant from Mks. Ckiffins.) — Bless him ! he's his pa's own image. — \he jplaces the child in the hammock; Mrs. Chiffins goes into the hut, h.\ — Well, matters mayn't turn out so bad after all ; and if I have only the luck to hit upon a vein of nice nubbly gold, shan't 1 make them stare when I go home ! Enter Captain Bunker, l., with a dead crow, and re-eiiter at the same time Mrs. Qvixvpi^?, from the hut. Walker drojis asleep. Bvn. D — n the rascal ! — some of these piratical gold- diggers have discovered where I had stowed away my provisions in a hollow tree, and havn't left me as much as would victual a mouse-trap. Chf. What says the gallant bunker? — Have the vic- tuals vanished, and our prospect of dinner been merely a dissolving view 1 Bun. No — no, my boy— not so bad as that. Luckily I fell in with a Yankee fellow, who carries on a trade in stomach fixins, as he calls 'em, here in the diggins. I gave fhc fellow an ounce (jf gold-dust for this Californian turkey. ISIrs. C. [examining the bird.] Californian turkey ! Cap- tain ! — The villain has sold you an old crow ! Ban. Dash my paddles ! — you don't say so 1 Chf. [examining the bird.] It's a decided case of caw! caw! — but under existing circumstances, we can't insisi upon that remarkable fact. So, Mrs. Cihffins, my dear have the goodness to cook the bird as a turkey, and the gallant Bunker will pluck the crow with that cheating COUKNEYd IN CALIFORNIA. 11 Yankee when he catches him. — [gives bird to Mrs. Chif- FINS.] Bun. Burn my biler ! I'll keelhaul the rascal. But, I eay, we must go to work for the dust, or we'll have to go without breakfast to morrow. Can you dig, Chiffey ! — can you dig, my boy 1 C)/i/] Dig — a verb active — imperative mood. — Let us dig. I don't think I ever tried. Captain. Bu?i. Never mind — I'll dig, and ijou shall wash. — You can wash — can't you 1 C/i/f. I rather think I can 1 Ask Mrs. Chiffins how 1 wash the children in the morning. Ecod, I'll wash the whole face of California for you, if you like ! [BvNKERjakes a spade, l. Bun. Come along, then ; we'll try a fresh digging up the bed of the river, and be back to dinner by the time the turkey is cooked. C/iif. Stop, Captain ! as the bed of the river is likely to be damp, I'd better take my warming-pan. — [takes tcarviin2;-pan.\ — Farewell, Maria Jane Matilda ! I'll fetch you back an apronful of the precious material. Mrs. C. Chiffins, dear! I must give you a kiss for luck befoie you go. Chif. Amiable weakness ! — [hisses her.'\ — There ! — Grammatically speaking, I could never decline a kiss — even from my wife. Now, Captain, lead with your spade, and I'll follow suit ! [Exit Bunker, r. s. e., followed by Chiffins. Mrs. C. Well, if Chiffins picks up a handsome fortune here, I'm determined I'll be a lady — a real lady — for I'll have breakfast every morning in bed. — [goes to kettle and looks into it.] — Dear me ! — I shall want more water. — Walker! — Walker! — What are you sleeping for? — Ge*. up, and pluck the fowl, while I go and fetch some water from the river. Wal. [iviking and yaiv7ung.] — A-aw ! — I am coming ! Mrs. C. Mind you pluck it nicely, Walker; do you hear '? Wal. Oh ! yes, I hear. — [Exit Mrs. Chiffins u-ith j^it- cher, L. s. E.] — 1 don't see why I should be kept here plucking of this old duck when fathei', nnd everybody ii 13 COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. digging for gold ; I'm big enough — I am ; and I'll go and have a game in Tom Tiddler's ground, as well as the rest — \7-uns off", L.] [The monkei/ appears, carrying a large sione\ JiC goes to the kettle which is on the Jire ; takes the crow out of it, and puts the stone in place of it in the kettle. He then scampers off with the bird. Enter Mrs. Chiffins, t,., with a pitcher of water. Mrs. a Walker !— Walker !— I'll lay my life the good for-nothing boy has fallen asleep again — [looks about.] — No, he hasn't. Bless me ! he's not here. — Where can he be ? If he should have strayed away into the forest — [caZ/s] — Walker, Walker! — Oli dear, oh dear; what terri- ble news this will be for poor Chiffins, vvlien he returns ! Enter Bunker, r. s. ^ Oh ! Captain ; I'm in such a fright. — My boy,---poor little Walker, — is missing ! — Have you seen anything of him ? Bun. — [wiping his eyes.] — No, ma'am ! Mrs. C. Good gracious — What's the matter with you ] — There are tears in your eyes. — Is it the boy ? Bun. [weeping.\ — No, ma'am. Mrs. C. Then it's Anthony! — it's Chifhns! — it's my husband ! — something has happened to him. — Tell me all! Bun. [hlubbering.] — Poo, boo, boo, ho-o-o-o ! Mrs. C. I know 'tis something dreadful. — Why don't you speak 1 Bun. [blubbering.] — Poo, boo, boo, ho-o-o-o ! Mrs. G. Captain ! — I'm a woman of robust mind, and can bear to hear the worst. — I — feel a something that tells me — I am — I am — now — now — Bun. — [sobbing.] — An interesting widow, ma'am. Mrs. C. Oh, Captain Bunker! — That is a blow ! Bun. So it is, ma'am — But you mustn't give way, Mrs. Chiffins ! — you must keep the steam up, ma'am. Mrs. C. Tell me how the fatal accident happened. Bun. Why ma'am — it's a short, but melancholy tale, ma'am. — The late Mr. Chiffins, and myself, had hit upon a nice fresh spot on the river bank, a little way above the BijT Falls, ma'am — and were dicjorinor and washing tre- COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 13 mendous, — when Mr. Chiffins, in the enthusiasm of finding a grain of gold, — slipped from the bank, ma'am, into the river; and before you could say Jack Robinson the poor fellow was caught by the rapids, and carried bang over the Falls, like a pine log, ma'am. Mrs. C. Oh! Captain Bunker ! — if it had been in Hox- ton, I could have borne my bereavement with pleasure — I mean, with resignation — but in a foreign land, what is to give me comfort 1 Bun. Comfort ! — [aside.^ — I didn't think of that ! — Ja- cob Bunker never saw lovely woman in distress without bearing up to her assistance. — Dash my paddles ! — Mrs. Chiffins, I'll marry you myself. Mrs. C. You, Captain 1 — you can't be serious ; you can never mean such a thing. Bu7i. What Jacob Bunker says, he means, ma'am; and what he means, ma'am, he does, ma'am ! so I say again, I'll marry you. Mrs. G. Don't Captain Bunker ! — pray don't. Bun. I will ma'am. — Gravesend expects every man will do his duty ! — whereby — you being a lonely widow, it's my duty to make you happy. Mrs. C. Ah! I shall never be happy again — never! — at least for some time. — Oh, my — excuse me — Bunker ! Bun. [aside.] — She calls me her Bunker! Mrs. C. You can't know my feelings — you never lost a husband. Bun. No, ma'am ; I can't say as I ever did. Mrs. C. Poor Chiffins ! I never knew his value until now, that I have lost him. — [iceeps.] Bun. Keep up the steam — ma'am — keep up the steam — I've got a little cordial here that will do you good — \fetclies hrandy hottlc from hut, and pours out brandy into a tin cup,] Now, ma'am — try the least drop of this re- y'wev. Mrs. G. — [taJces cup, and drinks.] — Oh ! Captain — this is indeed — consoling ! Btm. Try another drain, ma' an. Mrs. G. Not for the world, Captain ! [She holds the cup ; Gaptain pours more in. Bun. \drinlis from the Lottie.] — Ah, that is the real ren- ovator ! — splendid brandy, but I've chalked " Pis'n" on the 14 COCKNEVS IN CALirORNIA. bottle, to keep the pirates that cruize about these parts from tapping it — [replaces bottle in hut.] Mrs. C. Captain Bunker, you must feel that situated as we ai'e, it would not be proper for me to remain here. Bun. Why, ma'am, that's a delicate point I've been turning in my mind ; and I've just i-ecollected there's a village four or five miles from here, where you may re- main for a few days, till we get some account ot the boy, who, I daresey, has fallen in with some of the digging parties. — I'll convoy you there myself, ma'am ; and as I've got confouudly tired of the place, I'll bid farewell to my trim built cottage for ever. J\T7S. C. Oh, Captain ! you're our only protector now ; so I throw myself and innocent babe altogether on your hands. Bun. Thank you, ma'am. — I feel the weight of the cpmpliment; whereby, I think we'd better start directly, Mrs. C. Whenever you please. Captain. Bun. Avast though ! — I must first write a note to all in- quiring friends. — [/le takes a hoard near the door of hut, and writes with chalk u J) on it ; reads while he ivritcs. "Sailed from these diggins — Captain Bunker, and Mrs. Chiffins — D. I. O." — There's my ticket. \Mrs. Chiffins has taken the child out of the hammoch ; Bunker hangs the board against the hut.] — Now then, Mrs. Chiffins, turn ahead ! and away we goes, ma'am ! [Exeunt, Bunker and Mrs. Chiffins, l. u. f,. The momkcy appears carrying the black child, lohich he •places in the hammock, and escapes. Chiffins is heard outside, calling — " Where's the gallant Bun- ker?" He then enters, without a hat, torn coat, his clothes and hair wet. Chif. Where — where's the gallant Bunker ? Where's my Maria Jane Matilda] What an aquatic spectacle I've made of myself ! Hey ! Where's Mrs. Chiffins? why is she not here to receive her dripping husband to her arms % Sees the writing on the board — takes it'.\ — What's this? — reads.] — " Sailed from these diggings : Captain Bunker and Mrs. Chiffins." Oh, yes ! 'tis as plain as chalk can be ! — [reads.] — " Captain Bunker and Mrs. Chiffins — D. I. O." — [Drops the bonrd.]~Oh ! oh ! it's all over! I'm COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA, J5 a deserted mary, aa the Fiencli say. The only friend I had in this quarter, has carried off my better half ; the Gravesend Sea Serpent has absconded with my Maria Jane Matilda, and confesses his crime upon this board, in chalk. They've taken the children, too. — [sees child in hammock.] — Hey! no — they've left little Cicero; he's here.- — [s?iatches up child, and starts back horrified, when he sees its blackface.] — The blessed image of its pa it is ! Ha ! oh ! Day and Martin ! what's this 'I Cicero turned as black as a beetle ! Hah ! some dark business has been going on here ! this isn't my child — on the face of it. I disown it! I disclaim the young imposter ! its not mine ! there — there ! — \thrustsit under the clothes in the ham7nock.\ Oh, dear ! what is to become of me % I'm sorry, now, 1 didn't let myself be drowned ! I oughtn't to have shouted for help when I was in the water — nor I wouldn't, if I had known what was before me. However, its not too late to put a full stop to my melancholy existence. I'll commit suicide ! nothing shall prevent it. I'll blot myself out of Nature's copy-book, and rub the name of Anthony Chif- fins from the slate of life. But how 1 Suppose I throw myself over the Falls again. No ! I tried that once, and I didn't like it. If I knew the private residence of some hungry bear, I'd call on him about supper time. — [seaixh- ing about.] — or, if I could only find a piece of rope, I might end my woes in a noose. — [goes to hut, and finds the brandy-bottle.] — What's this — hey 1 — [reads.] — P-i-z-n, " Pis'n !" Ha ! poison ! Kind fortune, my fate is in my hand ! Think of your wrongs, Chiffins ! think of your wife bolted ! your clothes lost, and your warming-pan gone ! Hah I I'm wound up to desperation ! I wonder how much of the mixtux'e makes a dose. Never mind — \takesa mouthful out of the bottle.] — 'Pon my life ! I rather like the flavor of the deadly potion. I'll make all sure by another pull. — [drinks.] — There 1 I'm done for now ! I've swallowed enough to poison a buffalo ! Oh, Maria Jane Matilda, you've done a pretty job of work! — [sings, half crying SONG. Air — " Jeannetfe and Jeannot." My wife has run away, and has left me hei-e alone, In the wilds of California, to make my grievous moan ; 16 COCKNEXS IN CALIFORNIA. The salt tears from my eyes — trickle down in streams of woe. Maria Jane Matilda, 'twas a shame to use me so — Maria Jane Matilda, 'twas a shame to use me so ! [Spoken.] I don't think the deadly potion has begun to take effect yet. No — no ! I must have another drain of the baneful beverage. — [takes a long draught.] — There ! I think that's a settler! — [sings, as lie gets drunk.] Oh ! womankind is false — as it always used to be ; And friendship's oidy gammon — for so it proved to me ; So I've drunk a pint of piz'u — but I fear 'tis rather slow. Maria Jane Matilda, 'twas a shame to use me so — Maria Jane Matilda, 'twas a shame to use me so ! Well, its really very extraordinary — I don't feel a bit the worse for what I've taken. The only sensation I'm con- scious of, is a sort of merry-go-round in my head — and — a — remarkable inclination in my feet to start off in a polka. Ha ! ha ! ha ! — [dances a few steps.] — No, no — it won't do ! This levity at such an awful moment is really disgraceful. Hie ! I'm not gone yet — though I ought to be. What, if I can't go — what, if I won't go? Oh, dear! perhaps I'm poison proof! — No — I feel I'm going now — yes, yes — oh, dear — my head — my legs! — ha! ha! ha! ha ! Oh ! Maria Jane Matilda, how could you — how could you desert your own Chiffins, and forsake the buz- zum that beat for only you ? Hie I There ! — I'm going — going — gone ! — [slips down.] — Hooray ! — I wish I was back in Hoxton, thrashing the boys. Order ! — silence !— First class come up for punishment ! Enter Bunker, l. u. e. Bun. Dash my paddles ! I forgot my brandy -bottle, and I can't leave without it. Chif. [Perceiving him.] Hah ! — the villain Bunker ! — the sea-serpent of the Thames ! — [gets up.] — Hah ! — assas- sin ! — fresh-water pirate ! — you are come to dare the ven- geance of your injured friend ! Bun. Hollo ! — hollo ! Chiffins ! Dash my precious paddles ! here's a go ! Chif. Aye ! Chiffins stands before you in the agonies of death, sir, with vengeance in his heart and a bottle in bis hand. The same fatal weapon shall destroy us both There ! — [throws the bottle at Bunker, who avoids it.^ COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 17 Bun. Avast there ! — what does it all mean ? Chif. Revenge! — [he collars Bunker, and they Strug- gle.j — I'll have it — your life, base Bunker — your life! [Mrs. Chiffins runs in l. u. e. — she screams when she sees Chiffins.] Mrs. C. Heavens ! it is — it is my Chiffins ! Btm. [ Flinging him off.] Don't go near him, ma'am ! he's mad — stark mad ! CJiif. No — don't come near me. Mrs. C. Oh, goodness ! "We thought you were drown- ed, Anthony. C/iiJ". Well, ma'am, so I was ; but not finally drowned. Mrs. C. Oh, never mind, so as you are safe, dear! — [goes to embrace him — he pushes Jier bach.] — Oh, Anthony ! Chif. No — no — never ! The heart that once truly loved never forgets — that you bolted with the base Bun- ker 1 Bun. The base Bunker ! Mrs. C. Did you say bolted, Chiffins 1 Chrf. Yes, ma'am; " bolted" was the woi'd. Havn't I the confession of the destroyer of my happiness engi'ossed there in chalk ? — [points to the hoard.] Mrs. C. Why, I heard you were drowned, and as I couldn't stay in this horrid place. Captain Bunker kindly offered to protect me to the nearest village. Bun. Yes, Mrs. Chiffins sailed under my convoy. Ja- cob Bunker only did his duty by lovely woman in distress. Chif. [To Bunker.] My dear friend! allow me to call you once more the gallant Bunker ! — [shakes Ms hand warmly.] — Only you die, and leave a widow, and see if I won't do as much for her. Mrs. C. Now, Anthony dear, are you satisfied ? Chif. Perfectly : that is, no — no — no ! There's a little ebony angel yonder in the hammock. — [Bunker takes the Mack child out of hammock, as Peter and Julina enter.] — That's not our little Cicero 1 Jul. No, sar, dat lilly Peta ! — [takes child from Bunker.] — Dis nigga lady tank you berry much, sar. [Mrs. Chiffins runs to meet Walker, who is entering with the child, l. u. e. Chif. But where's our precious babe ? Mrs. C. Here he comes, with Walker; the good-for- > Poisoned ! 18 COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. nothing little scamp strayed away, and where do you think we found him 1 but in the river, washing for gold dust in his new boots. C/iif. Then all my troubles are over ! — hold, no ! — I forgot, in the excitement of the moment, the horrible fact that I'm poisoned. Eiin. Mrs. C. C/iif. Yes ; when I thought you had betrayed me, I swallowed a deadly potion — enough to kill a dozen buffa- loes. I'm in my last agonies this moment, though I don't feel them. Oh, Maria Jane Matilda, receive your doting husband's jjarting breath ! — [he embracer }icr\ Mis. C. Why, Chiffins, your parting breath has a strong smell of brandy. Ck'J". Yes, my angel, the fatal draught was very nice. Biin. Where did you get it, my boy ? Chif. Oh, there — in that bottle — I found it yonder — and oh! Bun. [Pic^s up bottle.] Why, dash ray paddles, this is my brandy-bottle ! I chalked " I'izn" upon it, to keep the fellows who cruise about here from meddling with it. Cheer up, my boy, there was nothing worse in it than brandy. Ckif. Brandy ! — oh ! — my real Cogniac life-protector ! What a relief your words are to me ! Embrace the gal- lant Bunker, my dear ! Walker, you ungrateful vaga- bond, why are you not on your knees, sir, thanking the preserver of your pa's precious life 1 Mrs. C. Oh, dear ! Anthony, I've got so many frights and turns since I came into this horrid country, that I know I shall never survive another day in it, Chif. Well, my dear, I'm disgusted with the place my- self, and I say, let us return to Hoxton directly. Bun. And I'll go with you, my boy. Chif. Come along, then! — "there's a good time com- ing," Captain ; and the weather is favorable for going with half a coat. Have you got our little relative pro- nouns all right, Mrs. Chiffins? Mrs. C. Quite right, Anthony. Chif And thfr Californian turkey ? Don't forget the turkey ! COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 19 Mrs. C. [ Uncovering the kettle.] Oh, gracious ! the tur- key's gone ! All. Gone ! Mrs. C. Yes ; and whosoever has taken it, has left this stone in the kettle. — [takes the stone out of kettle ?[ Chif. Inhuman monster ! Bun. [Taking the stone.] Why, dash my paddles, this iis a lump of gold ! All. Gold ! yirs. C. Who ever could have put it there 1 Chif. That's no business of ours. I always told you that luck would come to us in a lump at last, and here it is. Bun. Now, then, ring the bell, and away we goes again ! Chif. Stop ! I must make a slight alteration in your card — [takes the hoard.] — Where's your steel-pen, Cap- tain ? — [Bunker^zYt* hi7n a piece of chalk.] — " Sailed from these diggins : Captain Bunker — [writes.] — Mr. and Mrs. ChifKns, family, and suite. — P. S. — And don't mean to come back ever again." Now move on, Captain ! The Diggers, male and female, enter at every side. Bun. Hold on, Chiffey, my boy ! here come our friends from the diggins. Good-bye — good-bye, lads and lasses ! I'm going to seize the golden opportunity of bidding fare- well to Californy ; but, before we start, let us finish ofl with Everybody's Independent and Grand National Cal- ifornian Fandango. Dance of Characters and Gold Diggers, CURTAIN DESCENDS. MODERN STANDARD DRAmITII Price 12 1-2 Cents each.^Already published, 1. Ion. 2. Faxio; or, The Italian Wife. J. X he Lady of Lyons. K ^i^Hl}^^ ' '"■' '^'•e Conspiracy. 6. The VV.fe; a Tale of Mantua 6. The Honey Moon. 7. The School for Scandal. 8. Money. J ^^'n'^t^ur^''"^^ ""'^ Memoir of Mr, A. C. MO WATT. Price Out Dollar. VOL. II 9. The Stranger. 10. Grandfather Whitehead 11. Richard \\\. 12. Love's Sacrifice. 13. The Gamester. W tP"J.^ '"'"■ ""' Heartache. 15. The Hunchback. 16. Don Ca;sar De Bazan. VOL. III. J!" V^^ ^*""' Gentleman. If. Hamlet. 2o:?^:[^rpVe;er;er"'^«"^^°"--- 21. Pizarro. 22. The Love-Chaae. i 23. Othello. I 24. Lend Me Five Shillings. | W^e': BURTON. '"'' '^""''•'' "^ ^^ I VOL. rv. Qfi- ^i'^'i?''"'- SyJS.Knowle.. 26. Th-KingoftheCommoni. £1. Loudon Assurance. 28. The Rent-Day. Qn Two Gentlemen of Verona. 30. The Jealous Wife. 31. The Rivals. 32. Perfection. j.^^'^hacTett^'^ ''"''"'■ ''•^^'■- VOL. V. 33. A New Way to Pay Old Debt». 34. Look Before You Leap. 35. King John. *^ 36. The Nervous Man. 37. Damon and Pythias. on* 3'« .Clandestine Marriae*. 39. William Tell. * 40. The Day After the Wedding. VOL. yi. 41. Speed the Plough. 42. Romeo and Juliet. 43. Feudal Times. 44. Charles the Twelfth. 45. The Bridal. 46 The Follies of a Night. 47. The Iron Chest. 4fi. Faint Heart Mever Won Fair Lady. D Ifi^Lt. ^"'•"■«*« <>^