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 gn^ O M '1 
 
 THE CLASS OF 72, 
 
 ^T FRINOETON. 
 
 By KARL KASE. 
 
 PRINCETON, N. J. 
 
 CHARLES S. ROBINSON, PRINTER. 
 1872. 
 

 
TO MY CLASSMATES 
 
 WHO WERE KIND TO GIVE ME 
 I AM HAPPY TO DEDICATE 
 
 ^\)c tX)0rk. 
 
 Re-Union Hall, 
 Feb. 15th, 1872. 
 
There is an ancient faculty most ancient in renown, 
 That rules an ancient college built in ye ancient town ; 
 The town is in the inland, far from ye ancient sea, 
 About the middle of the State of New-Jer-ze. 
 
 The town is full of talent, and lager beer saloons ; 
 
 The boys sometimes get "dead broke" and pawn their old spittoons 
 
 But this thing doesn't last long, the reason you shall see— 
 
 We always borrcno when we're short in New-Jer-ze. 
 
 We spend our leisure moments beside ye ancient girls, 
 All powdered up, and lovely, in chignon and gay curls ; 
 They always smash our hearts, although it strange may be, 
 The same girls smashed out fathers' hearts in New-Jer-ze. 
 
FRESHMAN YEAR. 
 
 PRELUDE. 
 
 This is a setting forth of the researches of the Historian of the Class of 
 '72 in order that the actions of her men may not he effaced by time, nor 
 the great and wondrous deeds displayed hy hoth Boh Eardee and Ihe 
 Richie he deprived of renown. 
 
 How strange it seems that we, at the last day of our college career, 
 should stand face to face with the very sentence over which we stumbled 
 at the first! How wonderful it is that, after having listened to so many 
 things, we should yet remember this, and that, despite the changes which 
 the years have wrought, we should so vividly recall the time and 
 place in which it was first pronounced. Ah ! class-mates, we feel to-day 
 that those words mark an epoch in our Hves, to which in aftertime our 
 Tuinds will lovingly return, and no matter when they fall upon our ears, 
 they will awaken memories in our hearts at whose call the dear old faces 
 will appear again, and all the old scenes in which they figured be re- 
 newed. 
 
 There was no Gymnasium then ; our hoys practiced Physical Culture 
 by ripping the benches from the old recitation rooms, and by burning them 
 around the old cannon. There was no Dickinson Hall, for onr fellows 
 used to recite "down cellar" in dingy dens without windows or seats, 
 and so early in the morning that we were almost forced to, strap lanterns 
 on our heads in order to see the text. There was no Ke-union Hall ; o«r 
 classmates slept out in town in closets and store boxes ; and let me assure 
 the incredulous, that a store box room in those days was considered as 
 
much of a luxury as a " parlor front " and " two rooms back " are con- 
 sidered in these. In a word, there was not one of those buildings around 
 us then, that we see everywhere about us now, to remind us that Prince- 
 ton's most glorious history begins immediately after the advent of 
 McCosh. 
 
 The prelude to Herodotus carries us back to the day upon which we 
 made our first recitation— away back to those gloomy days when the glory 
 of this present hour had not begun to dawn, but when, over our heads, 
 hung the shadows of long, weary years yet to come, — years which have at 
 last been ran ; years which have drawn brother closer to brother in a bond 
 that shall endara until brother is torn from brother, and forever ; years 
 which, while full of joy and pleasure, have not been free from disease and 
 death. But can it be that these handsome, these intellectual, these ele- 
 gantly attired individuals before me are the Freshmen of this history ? 
 Ah, yes ! but it is no more difficult for us to trace our ancestry back to 
 Darwin's old, original baboon, than it is for us to wander down through 
 the astounding developments which the years have made, until we discover 
 in ourselves the same childlike, gentle, little lambs, who came timorously 
 to this classic seat 1460 days ago. Away-back ! ! ! Oh, prospective 
 Freshman ! you have no idea what an immense gulf there is between you 
 and us ! Away-back ! Long before we ever imagined we would be the 
 great men that we are ; when Allen was entirely too little to come to 
 college, and long before Reynolds entertained the most distant dreams of 
 that now most "copious mustache" — when "high hats" were not 
 thought of, and when Sophomores seemed demi-gods, our history begins, 
 and runs up until this hour, when Allen puts on his high-heeled boots, 
 and Reynolds " cosmetics " his mustache for the last time. 
 Anspach, 
 
 Atwater, 
 
 Bergen, 
 
 Bradford, 
 
 Boyle. 
 How often did we hear those names ! and yet, how infinitely better it 
 would have been for Bishop Shortt's grade, had he heard them oftener 
 before breakfast in Freshman year, and Oh ! Oh ! how many there are 
 before me now, who trained regularly in Bishop Shortt's brigade ; 
 
yet, despite little things of this kind, I feel great pride in reviewing the 
 issues of the last few years ; it is no task for me to record the many 
 things that we have done, and, after a serious retrospection, your histo- 
 rian arrives at the conclusion that this is the best cla.-s that was ever in 
 Princeton College, but regrets, at the same time, to discover that every 
 other historian of every other class cheiished in his boFom a similar 
 
 belief. 
 
 Every man has been so true ; we have made such long strikes at the 
 bat, we have done so much at the oar, and we stand before you now after 
 so manv a " last probation'' and " liair-hreadth " escape, that each one 
 of us, as he gazes upon his reflection in the looking-glass, can with 
 warmth and eloquence cry out : 
 
 Great CiBSAB ! what a man ! ! 
 
 We began our career under a revolutionized and reconstructed govern- 
 ment. As our footsteps fell upon the entrance, we met an old man going 
 out, and there followed behind him an innumerable multitude who called 
 benedictions down upon his honorable head ; we too joined with the 
 throng, for we knew well how much he had done, and the voices of the 
 young mingled with those of the old in a fervent 
 
 " God bless Maclean !" 
 
 Then we turned about to behold the new comer ; to stretch out our 
 hands in hearty welcome to the one who had come over so many miles to 
 be our instructor and our friend ; he, who, with the strength of an Ajax, 
 has lifted the institution up, up in the sunlight, the culture, and the glory 
 of the present age— to whom we owe all our trve strength, and to whom 
 be all our true gratitude expressed. 
 
 Just here, then, our history begins,— at the end of the old year, at the 
 dawn of the new ; that grand and glorious new year which has brought 
 so much, and which has so much still to bring, for when onr history is 
 ended that new year will still run on, and we leave its conqiiests and its 
 glories to be chronicled by older fingers than ours, which resign the pen 
 just as the sunshine is breaking on the roofs and towers of these dear 
 old halls. 
 
CHAPTER I. 
 
 Our First Class Meeting. 
 
 Did any of you ever attend a Freshman class meeting? It is unnec- 
 essary for me to pause for your reply. The very expression upon your 
 faces assures me that you have not, and you may feel grateful — I assure 
 you, that you may feel very grateful, because there is nothing so effectual 
 in bringing on premature old age, or so calculated to call up serious reflec- 
 tions concerning one's latter end, as a Freshman class meeting. 
 
 In the first place, there is no such thing as order ; it would take a 
 dozen strong, able-bodied presidents, swinging lustily a dozen base-ball 
 bats to procure anything like order. And, pray, who cares for order? 
 No one ! and the fellow who insisted upon such a thing would be frowned 
 at, hissed at, and regarded as a lunatic. A flaming poster upon the " bul- 
 letin tree " announces that the Freshman class will hold a meeting imme- 
 diately after dinner, and at the appointed time about half the class assem- 
 ble at the appointed place. It is curious, but it is a fact, that every man 
 supposes every other man to be in his seat, and vehemently asserts his 
 rights by fiendishly clutching the other by the coat collar, or by the hair 
 and yanking him out ; that is, if he's strong enough, and if, after a severe 
 combat, he becomes assured that he is not, he proceeds to find some one 
 whom he is sure is weaker than himself, and yanks Mm out. He must 
 yank somebody, and I have seen a man, after being disappointed fourteen 
 times, finally succeed at the fifteenth trial, take his seat and arrange his 
 dislocated cravat with the air of a conqueror. Everybody loill have his 
 yanh, and the man who comes away without one feels that he has iieen 
 deprived of one of his most sacred rights. Bergen used to be a little 
 fellow in Freshman year, and his " inadequateness of muscle " precluded 
 the possibility of his yanking any one else, consequently he used to run 
 when any one " made for him ; " but even his nimble legs failed to save 
 
hiru, for one day Capt. Brad', after being disappointed elaewhere, made 
 a dart for him. Bergen sprang up with a yell and leaped for the door, 
 but Captain Brad' grasped his vanishing coat tails and "yanked him 
 anyhow." The boys didn't care much for the seats, but they just loved 
 thej^ank. 
 
 After the course of twenty minutes, during which every man has 
 yanked some other man until each has a different seat from the one orig- 
 inally selected, there are always about a dozen, who having at first mista- 
 ken the plac^ of meeting at last discover it, enter the room, and proceed 
 to take their yank, the utmost silence and the gravest dignity, however, 
 being maintained by the '' big fellows " upon the front bench, who, hav- 
 ing yanked, are satisfied, 
 
 This is the manner in which class meetings are conducted in Freshman 
 year, and, accordingly, our president used to yell at the top of his voice : 
 
 " Grentlemen, after every one has had his yank, the meeting will be 
 called to order. 
 
 No Freshman who attends any of these meetings will ever forget them, 
 for he is always sure, in some one of those tussels, to receive the prelim- 
 inaries of a scar which will remain with him until his dying day. Our 
 class meetings were unusually hilarious and enthusiastic, and at the first 
 one Freddy Duval was elected President, Wells was made Secretary, 
 and Kase instituted Historian. We did not elect a treasurer, because no 
 Freshman class needs a ti*easurer ; for all the money a Freshman can 
 raise is devoted to the purchase of canes, and these canes go to the Soph- 
 omores, and these Sophomores go to the Faculty, and a great many of 
 these Sophomores, like a great many of these canes, are never seen any 
 more. 
 
 Soon after this meeting, a secret gathering was held in Ben Rey- 
 nolds' room, situated in the building adjoining Stelle & Smith's. There 
 was no yanking begun here for the simple reason that there were no 
 seats, and it was observed that a melancholy feeling existed on this ac- 
 count. The meeting was called for the purpose of discussing the great 
 question of canes. Some one, in a wild, enthusiastic speech, insisted 
 that we should carry canes at once, form a line, and in a body fall upon 
 any Sophomore who ventured to interfere ; whereupon Ike Richie re- 
 marked, in his humorous (?) way, that if the gentleman who preceded 
 
lO 
 
 him should procure a cane^ he would not be able to carry it. Isaac was 
 yanked at once by everybody, and the melancholy feeling immediately 
 disappeared. 
 
 After considerable discussion, it was left to each man to act in response 
 to his own conscience, and the meeting poured pell-mell down stairs into 
 the street below. 
 
 Boyle, who for many weeks had been under tutorage, entered the 
 class, at this time, and was enrolled in the first division. Bob Hardee 
 was the first to " stump ; " Bishop Shortt was the first to "^ cut" and 
 thus our history opens. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 The Freshman to whom Ignorance was not Bliss. 
 
 Although we had been here but a few days, we had run entirely over the 
 place, and examined everything to the most minute detail. We had discov 
 ered the art o^ cutting chapel, and of answering to each others names at roll 
 call ; we could slide out of a window in the old recitation rooms as adroitly 
 as those who had been here for years ; we could creep on our hands and 
 knees, and vanish for hreahfast^ through the old doorway as ^^ slick ^^ as 
 you please. A first class Jire department had been thoroughly orgasized ; 
 a committee had been appointed to examine the gates and door bells out 
 in town ; a number of bill posters had formed a co-operative association, 
 and posted flaming cuts of Van Amburgh's lions, tigers, elephants and 
 birds upon the walls of the " Grreek Room" at regular intervals; a 
 ' ' hide and seek ' ' band saw that the blackboards were effectively and 
 properly greased, whenever it was necessary (which was so frequent that 
 they were coated every night). A company of North Carolinians — regu- 
 lar old tar-heels — became fearful that the damp atmosphere might affect 
 the benches, and accordingly smeared them all over with tar regularly, so 
 that the fellows who entered the room to recite in the morning were 
 forced " to play horse," and ride astride the backs of the seats, or else 
 sit on top of the old, black stove, and, in a word, we had entered in the 
 paths leading to that glory which Senior final examinations show we 
 have at last attained. 
 
 The historian, during the last four years, has had many a melancholy 
 incident to record, from which he would have most willingly shrunk had 
 not the stern duties of his oflice bound him to his task ; but, among all 
 those who suffered, there was none for whom his sympathies were so solic- 
 ited, as for the hero of the following. 
 
12 
 
 Before narrating the incident, however, I would say that nothing in 
 the gentleman's conduct since the affair could convince any one that it did 
 actually occur ; yet, in defense of this chapter, I would state that dozens 
 assured me "it was a fact," and the Neio York Times announced it as 
 such to the estent of an entire column. 
 
 Out of sympathy to the gentleman, herein so deeply involved, we will 
 not state his name, thereby securing him, and likewise insuring our own 
 personal safety, because he is a great deal heavier than we are, and might 
 call us to account after the episode has been recited. 
 
 Suffice it to say, that he was a member of this most honorable body ; 
 and, like most members of this most honorable body, when he first ar- 
 rived, he was young, innocent and child-like, considering every one his 
 friend, and giving each man a corresponding trust. 
 
 One day, desiring a change of linen, he found, to his astonishment, 
 that every piece of linen which he owned had been already changed, and 
 was thereby convinced that it would be as easy for him to find a gold 
 mine in the campus, as it would be to find a clean shirt in his wardrobe. 
 
 What was he to do? "Why, get his soiled linen washed," you 
 reply. Ah ! but how was he to do this ? He had been here but a week ; 
 was entirely unacquainted ; had seen no washer-woman about the place, 
 and had read, in the code of college laws, that no one of the gentler sex 
 would be tolerated around the buildings ; he could not wash, himself 
 Where, oh ! where was Preshy to get a clean shirt? and echo answered — 
 ' ' no where. ' ' 
 
 To be sure there were innumerable pumps in the neighborhood — but 
 every one knows that Princeton pump water will not do for linen, because 
 if you put a collar in a tub of our pump water it will at once begin to curl 
 like a Chinese sensitive plant, and, eventually, will wind itself as snugly 
 about your finger as the little dandelion you used to play with when you 
 were little children. 
 
 The gentleman amid the useless pumps stood motionless and thought- 
 ful : as a man alioays is when he don't exactly see from what quarter he 
 is going to get his next collar, as a man always must be, when he is con- 
 scious that his head is revolving around the neck band of his last shirt, 
 and looking hopelessly about him at the pumps like Coldridge's ^^ Ancient 
 Mariner'' did ye modern Preshman exclaim : 
 
13 
 
 " Water, water all around, 
 And not a drop— to wash." 
 
 He returned to hia room disheartened— ah, what hour is more terrible 
 than that in which the heart that never quails while there is hope, feels 
 in its inmost depths that hope is dead ? His head was bowed : his elbows 
 were upon his knees, and there was naught to break the silence save the 
 light rustle of the curtains as they swayed to and fro at the hiss of the 
 noon-day air. 
 
 What could he do ? Nothing, but at the moment overwhelmed he 
 cried—" Oh for a lodge in somevast wilderness /" (with &pond in it,) and 
 he sunk down again in his easy chair, his head under his coat collar, and 
 his elbows upon his knees as before. The hot, burning sun without, the 
 high temperature of the room within, and the warm emotions at his heart 
 which like a furnace heated hislblood, were fast telling upon the stiffness 
 of his solitary collar, and he felt sure that under such circumstances it 
 could not last long, but would soon dangle around his neck like a damp, 
 withered weed. 
 
 Columbus is said to have set out to discover America with many mis- 
 givings, but with no more than this Freshman set out to find a washer- 
 woman. He gathered his soiled linen, threw it into a pillow case and 
 sallied forth in the campus. Many forms passed, and gave him half the 
 walk— and he wondered why he had not lefore thought of asking some 
 one to give him the information which he sought " I'll do it nowT he 
 muttered to himself, and stepping up to a Sophomore he asked in a 
 wavering, faltering voice. 
 
 " Can you tell me where I can get my clothes washed?" 
 
 Now it chanced that the person to whom he put the question was a 
 lewdhoy, a very crweZ young man, who would laugh fiendishly whenever 
 he could lead any poor Freshman in a scrape, so putting on a long face 
 he answered : 
 
 "Certainly, sir, certainly ! Strange, very strange," he continued " that 
 you have not yet been informed. These College servants are very lazy 
 though, and dress so well that it is almost impossible to tell them from 
 the professors. But now you must let them know that you loill not be 
 imposed upon, come with me." 
 
 The Freshman and the lewd boy walked on together side by side, and 
 as they passed by groups of upper classmen there were some of them who 
 
14 
 
 winked significantly at the lewd boy, but the Fresh boy understandeth it 
 not. 
 
 In a few moments the lewd boy paused before a neat looking little 
 house, situated just outside the campus, and addressing the Freshman 
 said : " Here is the servant's office, go in and give him fits : tell him you 
 have just come, but you are no fool, and that you mean to make him do 
 his duty," so saying the lewd boy withdrew. Now a stern, grave, old pro- 
 fessor lived in this very house, but the poor Fresh boy did not know it. so 
 mounting the steps boldly, he pulled the bell with a jerk, the next mo- 
 ment opened the door, and throwing his clothes upon the floor said indig- 
 nantly : 
 
 "I want you to have these clothes washed at once : Why haven't 
 you been to see about them long ago ? You needn't think 'cause I've just 
 come here, that I'm a fool. You can't impose on me !" 
 
 As the Fresh boy uttered word after word, the face of the professor 
 changed color a dozen times. After the Freshman had finished, and the 
 professor saw the meaning intended, had all the bombshells, sky-rockets 
 and fire-crackers of Fourth of Julies past and yet to come exploded with 
 one tremendous bang! ! at his feet, he could not have been more astound- 
 ed. He knocked all the books off his table, and planted himself with a 
 leap before the astonished Freshman. 
 
 '' Oh young man! young man !" he cried, "you don't know who I 
 am, oh you don't know who I am, you have been deceived, abused, 
 egregiously imposed upon — I say egregiously because there is no word, 
 that /am at liberty to use, stronger than egregiously — suffice it, suffice it, 
 sir, EGREGIOUSLY. Go ! sir, go !" 
 
 The Freshman did go, just as though he had been fired out of a cannon. 
 Meanwhile the lewd boy had informed all his numerous friends and ac- 
 quaintances of his tricks, and immediately upon his appearance Freshy 
 was greeted with a series of yells, but how he eventually got his clothes 
 washed is a mystery to which he, and he only holds the key. 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 Lo ! THE Poor Indian ! 
 
 Actors: Ben Reynolds, Frank Woodward, Blair Seribner, Andy McClintock and Bayard 
 Stockton. 
 
 Stelle & Smith's— what a place ! What man is there here before me 
 now who has not spent, at least, an hour every day, during four years, at 
 this great resort? Every night the fellows, pouring from the eating 
 clubs, throng the establishment, and wedge it with living forms to the 
 door. Here it is that the Freshmen assemble to calculate their average 
 grades, to discuss the merits of the University Nine, to slander their 
 tutors, and"to arrange the preliminaries of all " after-dark affairs." At 
 Stelle & Smith's you can do what you please, and say what you will, with- 
 out taking home with you the uneasy conviction that you have been over- 
 heard, and will be called to account for it in the morning before the 
 ' ' tniglity powers that he. ' ' 
 
 Should you ask the loungers there for what reason the establishment 
 had become so popular, they would tell you it was because of its advan- 
 tages, viz. : 
 
 1st. It is near the Post Office. 
 
 2d. It is next door to Mr. Van Marter's. Ah ! Van Marter's : hence 
 this chapter. 
 
 Mr. Van Marter, cigar manufacturer, pipe rejuvenator, dealer 
 in plug tobacco, snuff, and the choicest brands of smoking, agent for 
 Kaldenburg, Pollock, and for every man in the South who raised, cut 
 and cured the fragrant weed, was mad ! fearfully, horribly, terribly mad. 
 Mr. Van Marter had been insulted ; how, will now be seen: Mr. Van 
 Marter had been imposed upon — in what manner let the sequel show. 
 
 Van Marter has a good store, and Van Marter has a nice sign indicat- 
 ing his popular vocation in the shape of a gay, little Indian squaw, with a 
 cracked cheek, and a split nose. How long Van has possessed this duti- 
 
i6 
 
 ful daughter, no one knows ; but, year after year has she stood there, in 
 her war paint and feathers ; month after month has she been hustled out- 
 doors in the morning, and in-doors at night ; breasting wind, snow, hail 
 and rain ; holding in her hands a bunch of cigars which no one has ever 
 purchased — poor, friendless, loverless, her mighty people have fallen, and 
 the Thomas hawk of her nation is broken. 
 
 Five boys — five had little boys — Benny, Franky, Blair, Andy 
 and Bayard, stood there alone before the melancholy squaw ; all the 
 others had departed, and the echo of their footsteps had died entirely 
 away; "the evening shades were falling fast; " the mistress of night 
 had tacked up a new moon ; silver stars were twinkling ; heaven was 
 alive, but earth was still. 
 
 In the shadows those five boys stood, gazing with uplifted counte- 
 nances in the face of the poor squaw, whose eyes never once gave them 
 an answering glance, but were fixed upon the glittering heavens, as though 
 she were seeking for the faces of her fathers among the stars. 
 
 "Dost see the thing? " asked Benny. 
 
 " Yea ! " responded Franky. 
 
 " Poor thing ! " said Andy. 
 
 "Poor thing ! " reiterated Bayard. 
 
 " For years she has never been permitted to make a single call," said 
 Blair. 
 
 " What a dreary, monotonous life she must lead ! " added Ben, pa- 
 thetically, as he wiped away a tear, which was caused by some tobacco 
 smoke drifting in his left eye. 
 
 " Let me address 3'ou, friends of philanthropy," cried Frank, who 
 was celebrated for his grandiloquence. 
 
 " 0, hang the address! " interrupted Ben, who was a townsman of 
 Frank's, and knew that an hour's speech awaited them if Frank were 
 permitted to continue. "Hang all addresses, I say, and let us away 
 with this old squaw. ' ' 
 
 " Poor thing, let's keep her here no more. 
 Let's take her to another shore," 
 
 spoke up Andy, poetically. 
 
 " Yes, but how will we do it? " Bayard inquired. 
 
 " Easy enough ! easy enough ! " said Ben. " Leave it to me ! You 
 see," he continued, " Van promised to make me a great, big cigar, not to 
 
17 
 
 smoke, but to hang up in my room as an ornament. He said he'd do it 
 any time I'd ask him to. Now, I'll go in and talk to him a little while ; 
 after a few words, I'll hint about the big cigar, and when you see us go 
 in the back shop together, you just pick up the Indian and waltz off with 
 it. But, lest Van should think us planning, I guess we'd better sing a 
 song. ' ' 
 
 Now, if any one had gone around with the members of our class for 
 the purpose of selecting the worst singers, I don't think he could have 
 selected five poorer ones. They began. All the lights along the main 
 street darkened at once, and the moon rushed behind a cloud. A moan- 
 ing North wind swept over the face of nature, and the little stars trem- 
 bled, as though shivering. All the dogs that were out that night could 
 have been seen walking home upon their hind legs, holding their front 
 paws over their ears. 
 
 " Gosh !" exclaimed Bayard at the end of the first verse. " That's 
 the nearest we ever come to the tune without hitting it, in all our natural 
 born days, eh?" 
 
 One by one the lights in the front windows sprang up again, the 
 North wind died with a moan among the rustling autumn leaves, 
 the moon shone brightly, and the shiver passed out of the stars, as 
 Ben went in the store to reconnoitre. It is positively asserted that 
 Van was found lying flat upon the counter, kicking the glass out of the 
 back window with his heels, a plug of "navy" jammed in each ear. 
 "Groodness gracious! what's the matter with youT' cried Ben as he 
 entered the store. 
 
 "Young man," said Van, as a look of unutterable anguish swept 
 over his face, "one more verse would 'a shivered me to blazes, an' would 
 'a give Allen, the coffin maker, a permatter job. That air singin' has 
 entirely soured my gas metre an' warped every darned board in this 'ere 
 floor! !" 
 
 Ben laughing returned — " I'm fixing up my room Van: fixing it all 
 up gay and festive like. Van, business is light to night, ain't it ?" 
 
 " Darned light ; lighter nor its been for sev'ral evenings," answered 
 Van. 
 
 "Well now, Van, you know you promised to make me a big cigar, 
 and I thought as your business was light, this would be a jolly good time 
 for you to begin. ' ' 
 
" Jist as good as eny, sir ; jist as good as eny an' if you'll come with 
 me back here, I'll do it light away sir !" Van said, as Ben followed him 
 to the back room. Andy, Franky, Blair and Bayard caught up the 
 wooden Indian, and away they went, across the main street to Railroad 
 avenue, then dojvn Railroad avenue to the spot where the Gymnasium 
 now stands, when pitching the squaw over the fence, they paused. 
 
 " Lo ! the poor Indian !" said Bayard with a laugh. 
 
 " Yes, the poor Indian is low," returned Andy, transposingly. 
 " Comrades, listen !" shouted Frank leaping over the fence, and stand- 
 ing on the poor Indian's back. "Listen oh comrades, and behold the 
 grand, old original aborigine ! Let your minds run back through the long 
 line of years." 
 
 "We won't do anything of the kind : dry up !" shouted Blair, "but 
 what shall we do with it ?' ' 
 
 " Take her to the brow of yon precipice that overhangs the lime stone 
 quany, and let her drop, kerslap in the water, even as her noble fathers 
 have previously dropped and kerslapped," Frank yelled, gesticulating 
 wildly. 
 
 " No ! no ! that would be rough on Van," said Bayard. " We had 
 better leave it here, and make tracks for Ben's room," and they left the 
 figure leaning against the fence, in the cold night air, the cruel boys. 
 Meanwhile Ben had kept^'Van busily engaged upon his big cigar, and after 
 it was finished, he hastily departed. Some time after, Van came out to 
 close the shop. The shutters were put up in various sections against 
 windows and door, when he turned about to wheel in the Indian. 
 
 " Grone ! ! ! !" he shrieked, and a blue flame issued from his mouth 
 that was hot enough to blast every fruit tree in the neighborhood. An 
 hour after this he was running like a wild man through the streets, and 
 about the campus, searching high and low for his Indian — but in vain. 
 
 It was hard by twelve o'clock, chummy had just retired, and I was 
 finishing my last pipe, when a hard loud knock was struck upon my door, 
 and as the door swung back I saw the lean, peaked face of old Van peer- 
 ing in upon me. He wore that old yellow handkerchief about his neck, 
 knotted sailor fashion and spreading over his breast like a fan. Upon his 
 head he wore that old, old hat, which has no doubt covered every head 
 in the Van Marter family for years past, and which will continue to do 
 
19 
 
 so in time to come, until either the hat or the Van Marters are no more. 
 There he stood like a midnight apparition to remind me of an unpaid bill, 
 and nervously I awaited his words : 
 
 " Say duffer, you hain't seen nothin' of a little, wooden, yaller Indian 
 squaw abosit yere, ha' you?" he asked in a voice which seemed to antici- 
 pate the negative answer which I gave. "Good night! some darned 
 rascals ha' stolen her — "and he was gone. 
 
 By and by the door swung back again, and once more the lean, long 
 form stood upon the threshold. But the face was all aglow with passion, 
 and a dangerous light trembled in his eyes — while I fumbled about my 
 pocket to find the amount of that little bill. 
 
 "Say, look here ! You needen't think 1 don't know the fellers 
 what stole that gal, 'cause I do, an' by thunder it'll go tougher than 
 boardm'' Jioiise hash mth'em too; Say you jist give 'em my comple- 
 ments, and tell 'em I know 'em, an' tell 'em that if they'll pay me jist 
 twenty dollars apiece, I wont say nothin' t'all, but if they won't, I'll yank 
 'em till they won't know their own pictures, now I will, by thunder ! 
 Grood night!" and he was gone again. 
 
 I don't know whether Van searched for his Indian all night long, or 
 whether remorse led some one of the five abstractionists to tell him where 
 it was, but upon going to breakfast the next morning I saw Van wheeling 
 it back home, on a barrow, and it stands up there in front of his store to- 
 day, just as it stood four years ago, and just as it will stand four years 
 hence. 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 
 Dr. Hamlin; His Wizard Oil. 
 
 There are a few real old venerable merj about town : men who have 
 seen class after class go out in the world : men who have at their tongue's 
 ends, the biography of many distinguished persons during their younger 
 years, and to the incidents which these old fellows narrate it is indeed a 
 real pleasure to listen. 
 
 "Do you see this hat?" says one of them, holding up a greasy old 
 shapo : " well sir, John C. Breckinridge wore this very hat when he was 
 in college," and thereupon all the incidents identified with John's early 
 life, are related with an enthusiasm ^hich appears to remove the narra- 
 tor's years until he seems a boy again. They will tell that from their 
 earliest recollection, Princeton students have always hated quacks, and 
 humbugs of every description. They will tell you that honest men meet 
 with the warmest reception, and that whenever a performer of merit 
 comes to town his house is thronired night after night, but to medical 
 quacks no mercy whatever is shown. I see none of these old veterans 
 before me now, and it involves upon me as a duty to tell you of Dr. Ham- 
 lin and his Wizard oil. 
 
 Dr. Hamlin had come : we knew it well, for the doctor had taken 
 particular pains to let us know of his advent. Yes he had really come, in 
 all his glory, in all his Asiatic and Oriental magnificence : had come with 
 his gaily painted chariot, his cream colored team, and lastly he had come 
 with his wonderful Wizard oil. Oh such oil had never been seen ! It 
 would cure anything : nay, more, it would cure everything — it would make 
 a tumor dwindle, down to a pimple, and would take a knot oiF the stout- 
 est log: and draio^ there was nothing that this oil wouldn't draw ; coun- 
 try ministers used this oil to draw their salaries ; artists used it to draw 
 their pictures and it was the original intention of the doctor to visit Egypt 
 and draw out the Sphynx. 
 
21 
 
 All daj^ long the doctor's chariot rolled, thundering along our streets, 
 all about our beautiful avenues, boulevards and pavilions, and with what 
 feelings of awe did our astounded townsmen gaze upon the smiling coun- 
 tenance of this " medicine man." Dr. Wyckoff was discouraged; he 
 knew it was no use, and accordingly, put up his shutters, and took 
 down his sign. 
 
 Once each hour, like some beautiful dream that repeats itself, did 
 that grand chariot roll up and down, leaving in its wake innumerable 
 youngsters, who wore the bottoms of their feet entirely bare in effort to 
 keep pace with the gorgeous vehicle. 
 
 " Night, a black blood-hound 
 Follows the white fawn, Day." 
 
 The shadows began to lower, the dark hair mingled with the blonde as 
 the sun, touching the Western cloud with a golden kiss, sunk into the 
 ocean. 
 
 Who does not remember April 1st, 1869—" All Fool's" Day ? Who 
 does not remember how Big Mike rushed like a mad man up four flights 
 of stairs, because somebody had told him little John Breckinridge was 
 dying, when in reality John was in another building playing euchre ? 
 Who has forgotten how we all purchased the most old fashioned hats we 
 could find, and arranged a fantastic parade led by a pasteboard band ? 
 What a funny sight it was — each man had put a partition half way in his 
 hat, cut a face in one side, stuck in a tallow candle, mounted the whole 
 structure with an American flag, and thus became at once the proprietor 
 of a patriotic and portable Jack 'o Lantern. Freshmen were funnier in 
 those days than they are in these. 
 
 We went around the triangle in a long, illuminated procession, our 
 pasteboard band astounding the dogs, and putting every cat to flight, 
 frightening truck horses, and winning strong exclamations from thetruck- 
 sters themselves, when as we we were returning we saw the doctor's wagon 
 going down street. 
 
 Oh ! oh ! oh ! what a sight ! ! ! It looked like a monstrous Fairy 
 Land, boiled down, drawn out fine, and put on wheels. It was lit about 
 on all sides with great flaming, crackling torches ; every man engaged as 
 musician by the doctor, had a light fastened upon the top of his head, 
 and to make additional daylight each man sat upon a blazing lantern. It 
 
22 
 
 looked just as though Prof. Alexander (Prof, of Astronomy) had takea 
 the halter from one of his largest meteors, and turned it out to pasture. 
 The harness of the beautiful horses glittered with silver bells which mer- 
 rily rang as the steeds moved on ; the blazing torches spirted forth rings 
 of smoke, which encircled the musicians, each of whom was blowing his 
 horn as though his heart would break. 
 
 On ! on ! the chariot thundered, until it reached the old market house 
 when it came to a stand still. 
 
 About it numerous souls clustered, men, women and children ; all the 
 college boys were there, when from a stool in the wagon, the doctor, 
 encased in a fine dress suit of blue cloth, addressed us : 
 
 Doctor. Grood evening, gentlemen ! 
 
 Students. Hurrah ! hurrah ! Tiger ! 
 
 Voice in the Crowd. Say good evenin' to the ladies you darned old fool. 
 
 Doctor. Gentlemen I'm glad to see you all here. Music. 
 
 Music. Zig-a-zag-zig-a-zag-a-zig-a-zag-a-zee. 
 
 Students. Hurrah ! Tiger ! 
 
 Doctor. Grentlemen, I come before you as a doer of great good, of very 
 great good. Gentlemen, I am a philanthropist ! Music here ! 
 
 Music. Zig-a-zag-a-zig-a-zag-a-zig-a-zag-a-zee. 
 
 Students. Hurrah ! Tiger ! 
 
 Doctor. Gentlemen, I've invented a great discovery. It's all my own. 
 Music here. 
 
 Music. Zig-a-zag-a-zig-a-zag-a-zig-a-zag-a-zee. 
 
 Doctor. Now, all you as have pains come here and get cured, free as 
 gettin' the measles. 
 
 Students. Hurrah! Tiger! Bum! Ah! 
 
 Hereupon a middle aged man went up to the doctor and told him he 
 was deaf in the left ear. 
 
 Doctor. AW right, sir, {ruhs his ear for twenty minutes.) Any better, 
 sir ? {yells in his ear. ) 
 
 Man. Not a blasted bit. 
 
 Doctor. [Rubs it more.) Better noio, sir, aint it? 
 
 Man. Not a blasted bit. 
 
 Doctor. This is strange ! 
 
 Man. Well, it oughtn't to be strange. 
 
23 
 
 Doctor^ Whj' not ? 
 
 Man. Because I was horn deaf in my left ear. 
 
 Doctor, My God ! we can't do miracles. Get down off the steps ! 
 Music here. 
 
 Music. Zig-a-zag-a-zig-a-zag-a-zig-a-zag-a-zee. 
 
 Students. Hurrah ! Tiger ! 
 
 The doctor had failed to cure the deaf man, and, after the failure, the 
 bo.ys greeted every word he said with a yell. They yelled and hooted, 
 hissed and roared, shouted and shrieked, and the doctor's mouth flew open 
 and shut like a steel trap, but not a word of his could be heard. The 
 music, too, was inaudible, though every horn blower threw himself into 
 convulsions in the vain attempt to sound one note above the general tu- 
 mult. The bass drummer hammei^ed as though he were contending for a 
 prize, when a flying brick bat whirled over the heads of the people, en- 
 tered the wagon, and a look of agony immediately settled upon the drum- 
 mer's face, which assured us that the head of the big bass drum was no 
 more. The horses, with a sudden plunge, whirled the chariot about and 
 slung the immaculate doctor head over heels, and wedged his head in a 
 big bass horn. The driver, in a fit of passion, lashed the steeds, and the 
 chariot, aglow with light, rushed up the street as a falling, star through 
 the heavens ; numerous souls followed in hot pursuit, and around the 
 thundering chariot myriad voices howled. The driver made for the sta- 
 bles, but a crowd headed him off, and the team came to a stand-still just 
 before the Mansion House. Pans full of dirty water were thrown from 
 the windows above upon the heads of the fellows below, until at last they 
 bade the doctor good night and departed. 
 
 Chancing to drop in the hotel, later in the evening, I saw the doctor 
 in the bar room. 
 
 "Young man," said he, advancing as 1 entered, "'are you a stu 
 dent?" 
 
 I hesitated to answer ; for the doctor was a large man, and I knew he 
 would be several too many for me, if he had any inclination that way, but 
 indulging in the faint hope that Big Mike might be somewhere in the 
 neighborhood, and putting my hand in my back pocket, (where I always 
 carry my handkerchief, ) as though feeling for my pistol, I told him I loas 
 a student. 
 
24 
 
 " Young man," said he again, " I've travelled all over ; I've been all 
 around ; I have heard an artillery charge — have heard a hundred bloody 
 Indians yell— have been in a boiler manufactory when they were rivetting 
 ten boilers at one time ; was once in China, and saw a trial contest of two 
 hundred gongs, but hang me if I ever, in all my days, heard such a noise 
 as you fellows made to-night. I came here to stay a week, but I'm off at 
 six in the morning," and the doctor kept his word, and has never been 
 seen here since. 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 The Duel in Potter's Woods.-A Chapter of Horrors. 
 Harry Boyle roomed in the Arnlieiter Block, just opposite the Car- 
 penter building ; away in the tip-top of the Arnheiter Block he lived, up 
 I don't know how many flights of stairs, around I don't know how many 
 corner. But Harry Boyle's room was not without its advantages, in 
 the firsi pkce, it was quiet. If you wanted to arrange the preliminaries 
 to any little affair, good Harry's door was always open ; at any hour in 
 the day, at any hour in the night, you could find entrance there, for the 
 string of his latch was never pulled in. , , ^ ■ +i 
 
 His pipes were numerous and excellent, his tobacco, the best m the 
 market, his chairs were large, easy and comfortable, and m college, or in 
 town, I don't think you could have found more cozy quarters than at the 
 good old room in the Arnheiter Block. If you wished to talk, Harry could 
 fell you the best of stories, and, if you wished to read Harry s library 
 was there at your service. No one ever came to see Harry who did not 
 care for him ; because nobody would have climbed all those gloomy stair-^ 
 ways, or srown dizzy in turning all those corners, were he not sure ot 
 meeting with the warmest reception from as good a fellow as ever lived. 
 And then, again, those who knew Harry and loved him, were always 
 sure to stay awhile, if they called; for, after getting up there,_ no one 
 could muster the strength, or the determination, to go down again under 
 two hours, at least. , 
 
 It was a wild night ; the wind whistled in the Arnheiter wmdows, and 
 moaned through the Arnheiter halls, while the rain dashed agamst the 
 house, until the block grew black as the night itself In the topmost 
 room, the light shone upon Harry, Frank Woodward and Bobby 
 McDowell sitting there, around the fire, smoking their pipes, un- 
 mindful of the tempest and the storm without, when, above the roar ot 
 
26 
 
 the wind and the rattle of the rain, they heard the loud bang of the 
 street door below. A tramp, tramp, tramp, step by step, gave warning 
 that some one was climbing upward, and, soon after, a nervous rap, rap, 
 was struck against the door, which swung back at Harry's bidding, and 
 J. Blair Scribner stood upon the threshold. 
 
 ■' Grood heavens ! what a night, boys ! " said he, removing overcoat 
 and hat. "The rain, actually pricks like pins and needles. Come, 
 Harry, a pipe, old boy, and everything else that's refreshing." 
 
 Now Harry Boyle and Frank Woodward foresaw something ; for 
 they knew that when two rivals, like Scribner and McDowell, met, 
 there must be a crash of some kind ; so they filled their pipes anew, 
 stirred up the fire, and leaned back in their easy chairs in anticipation of 
 something which they felt sure would take place. 
 
 After the usual polished and erudite manner in which students pass 
 recognition generally, and, after the day's topics were, to a great extent, 
 exhausted, McDowell, having an after-dark affair, in which, if I mistake 
 not, the chapel bell was seriously interested, with a generosity character- 
 istic of the individual, invited J. Blair Scribner to join hands with him 
 and set the ball rolling, or rather, since it is necessary to be definite, 
 McDowell cordially invited him to lend his assistance in arranging the 
 bell ringing. 
 
 " Now, you see, Blair," said Mac, " now, you see," said he, aris- 
 ing from his seat, and shouldering his left coat tail, " now you see," he 
 exclaimed for the third time, " all you'll have to do, Blair, will be to 
 run down to Carpenter's tin shop, lay hands upon that big, long ladder, 
 bring it up here npon your back, and I'll do all the work — tie the rope 
 and everything else. Do you understand, Blair ? ' ' 
 
 Blair, although under ordinary circumstances, the most accommoda- 
 ting individual in the class, looked up in a way which showed that he con- 
 sidered Mac's language, about doing alt the work, exceedingly figurative, 
 especially since Carpenter's tin shop was a mile away, and the ladder 
 weighed over sixty pounds, so he said : 
 
 " In consideration of the falling weather, the slippery state of the soil, 
 the danger of life and limb engendered in reaching the North college 
 tower, and the fearful result, if caught, I don't think your plan \?,jpracti- 
 cable, Mac." 
 
27 
 
 Mac had anticipated just such a reply ; indeed, had it not been given 
 he would have been sadly disappointed ; so, springing from his seat, with 
 a tremendous stride, he cried : 
 
 " 0, what a classman you are ! I What a pretty classmate you really 
 are ! What a fine specimen of courage you ajBFord ! Bah ! you're a con- 
 founded old cow." 
 
 ScRiBNER did not say a word, but he gazed upon Mac as though he 
 thought the fellow was laboring under a mental or an optical delusion. 
 
 "Oh! you needn't look!" cried Mac, "You are, you are, you 
 ARE an old cow! " he continued, vehemently, - with another of those 
 strides. ' ' You know it, too. You always back out in going on a spree, 
 and after the affair is done, and every one is laughing over the result, you 
 come around and say, 'Didn't we do it fine?' Yes, sir, you jump in 
 your neighbor's pasture and eat it all up ! " 
 
 Hereupon Mr. Scribner, (and who can blame him,) jumped up, 
 grasped his overcoat, and calling Mac by a came, which, in the dialect of 
 an illiterate Englishman, would be " a '09'," left the room in a passion, 
 unheeding the cries of Boyle and Woodward, slamming the door so 
 violently that it turned all the pictures wrong side out, fractured the mir- 
 ror, and almost made the stone spittoon jumjj upon the centre table. 
 
 Mac strode about the room like one who had conquered a city. 
 Meanwhile Boyle winked at Woodward, Woodward winked at Boyle, 
 and there was a mutual understanding, because there is a wonderful sig- 
 nificance in a " college wink." Woodward was a little nervous, for he 
 never could shut one eye without shutting the other, but Mac was so 
 elated that he didn't notice Woodward's characteristic misfortune. 
 
 Boyle carelessly remarked that he didn't think it would have been 
 well for Scribner to have addressed him in the manner he had spoken 
 to Mac, while Woodward, who, although never at any time a devotee 
 of the prize ring, did, nevertheless, have a slight sprinkle of its peculiar 
 phraseology, said : 
 
 " If I were a rooster, I would deem it necessary, for the dignity of my 
 family, to fight!'" 
 
 Boyle, taking up the cue, returned : 
 
 " I don't know how it is up North, but it is the universal custom in 
 Kentucky to fight a duel over much smaller things than this," and con- 
 
28 
 
 eluded his speech by a brief recapitulation of sundry murders committed 
 in that state, under his own immediate, personal observation. 
 
 ■' Oh, the devil ! we'i-e civilized up here ! " said Mac. 
 
 "Then I'm sorry," said Boyle, "that cowardice is so important, 
 and, just now, conspicuous an element in Northern civilization." 
 
 "Who says I'm a coward? " cried Mac, vehemently, with another 
 of those characteristic strides, " who says I'm a coward ? " he reiterated. 
 " Show me the man ! I want to see him ! Didn't I light the match that 
 burned Dr. Atwater's ice house ? Didn't I run all over the country with 
 a brush and paint pot, that I might illuminate Prof. Peabody's horse? 
 Didn't I hurl a dozen stones at Tute Rankin's windows? and— and don't 
 I smoke ? " 
 
 "I don't care anything about that." spoke Woodward. "True 
 bravery consists in standing out in broad daylight, and meeting an enemy 
 face to face, and not in prowling around nights, with an inch of burnt 
 cork upon your face, and a dark society mask in your pocket, miles away 
 from professors, tutors and janitors. So flare up and be a man ! " 
 
 " No, sir ! I won't fight a duel ! " shouted Mac, fumbUng in his side 
 pocket for his mother's last letter, at the same time making the grandest 
 stride of his life. 
 
 Woodward, in no way discomfited, winkedoneof his double barreled 
 winks at Boyle. 
 
 " Look here, we'll have a good joke upon Scribner ; now you just 
 dish up a challenge, Mac," he continued, drawing his chair so close to 
 Mac's that a stranger would have sworn they were both occupying the 
 same seat, " and we'll have some fun." Then placing his fore finger in 
 the most concise and demonstrative manner against Mac's left knee, he 
 resumed : 
 
 " We'll load the pistols with hlarik cartridges, but we won't let Scrib- 
 ner know it : so when he fires you must fall, and, making him believe he 
 has shot you, we'll run him off to Philadelphia. How in that, any how?" 
 
 "Hi! hi!" cried Mac, slapping Woodward enthusiastically upon 
 the left shoulder, " That's grand ! That's A. No. 1 ! That's P Prime! 
 Grive us your quill and I'll dash a challenge ! " 
 
 Then and there, while the wind was whistling and the rain dashing 
 without, 'neath the rays of a convulsive kerosene lamp, Mac wrote the 
 following : 
 
29 
 
 Mb. Scribnek: 
 
 Sir : 
 
 The words you uttered, in parting from me last night, burn in my bosom 
 and cut my heart like a knife. You understand this ; if not, Mr. 'Woodward, ivho acts as my 
 friend, will explain. Respectfully, 
 
 Robert McDowell 
 
 The next morning Woodward conveyed the challenge to Scribner, 
 
 and it was read. 
 
 " What does the fellow mean ? " was Scribner' s exclamation. 
 
 Woodward, who, when circumstances demanded it, could be the 
 most solemn individual in the world, put on a long face and said : 
 
 " Scribner, far be it from me to lead you into an affair that would 
 end fatally, or even unpleasantly to you ; but McDowell was deeply 
 affected at the name you applied to him last night, and has, accordingly, 
 acted as a gentleman always acts, by sending you that which you have 
 just read. I am a classmate, and, I trust, a friend to both of you, but 
 act as McDowell's second in this affair simply because he first asked me 
 so to do ; for the same reason I would have acted as yours, had you writ- 
 ten the challenge, and asked for my services. But time is precious, and, 
 I hope, indeed, I am stire, that you will permit me to return to the gen- 
 tleman with an appropriate reply." 
 
 Scribner grasped the pen, wrote hastily, read what he had written, 
 threw it in the stove, and, in an instant, all that was left of it was whirled 
 up the chimney with a whiz. 
 
 Just then Boyle and J. H. Scribner, our hero's cousin, entered the 
 room and, immediatelv after their entrance, young Scribner said : 
 
 "I'll not fight a duel; you can tell Mr. McDowell that I am a 
 coward, if you will, but tell him, when we meet again I'm ready to settle 
 old scores in the more modern way. You may tell him, too, that my 
 opinion of him exceeds in bitterness his opinion of me ! But go to him 
 at once, before your memory becomes treacherous and you misconstrue my 
 
 The elder Scribner turned pale, for he saw the drift of things at 
 once. Woodward saw, too, that Blair Scribner was in earnest, and, 
 winking with two eyes, said softly to young Blair, so that no one but 
 himself could hear : 
 
30 
 
 " Blair, now we'll have a good joke on Mac. We'll load the pistols 
 with Llank cartridges, and when Mac fires you must fall ; then we'll run 
 him off to New York." 
 
 "By Jove!" said Blair, "that's it! Give me a quill and I'll 
 answer. " 
 
 Then and there, while the morning wind was stirring the trees with- 
 out, while the birds sung among the branches in the morning sunlight, 
 was the challenge answered. 
 
 Hereupon the elder Scribner, not understanding things at all, turned 
 deadly pale. Such a time you never — never saw ; in his imagination he 
 beheld his young cousin, borne home from the fatal field, lifeless, withan 
 ugly hole in his forehead. He ran around like a wild man, upsetting 
 tables, chairs, book cases, indiscriminately. 
 
 " Boyle ! Woodward ! what would you do ! J. Blair, you shall 
 not answer the challenge ! " he said as he furiously caught the young 
 fnan by the coat collar, and sent him whirling over the floor like a peg-top. 
 
 All present laughed heartily, and Woodward explained all to the 
 elder Scribner, assured him that no one would be hurt, and, in a word, 
 told him everything from the beginning to the end. 
 
 Physiognomy has failed to show what an immense change can be pro- 
 duced upon the human countenance by the utterance of a few plain 
 words, and the elder Scribner, like McDowell and Blair, could not be 
 too demonstrative when he heard that no one was to be hurt. 
 
 Boyle was to act as Blair's second, while the elder Scribner was to 
 officiate as surgeon, and the duel was to bo fought in Potter's woods. 
 
 When Woodward conveyed Blair's answer to McDowell, he did 
 not inform Mac of the arrangement he had been forced to make with 
 young Blair, and as Blair had no knowledge of what Woodward had 
 told Mac the evening before, each thought he had the other on the hip, 
 both would fall, and the duel would be made doubly ridiculous. 
 
 At noon the duellists faced each other, backed by their seconds — the 
 pistols in their hands. 
 
 " One! two! three!" the triggers were pulled. 
 
 Scribner' s pistol made no report whatever, while from the end of 
 Mac's, a little thread of smoke wiggled out about the size of a horse 
 hair. Surprised at the turn things had taken, neither fell. 
 
31 
 
 The seconds conversed apart, decided to load the pistols again, and 
 once more the rivals stood face to face on the bloody (?) field. 
 
 " Now, Mac, j'ou must not fall this time, for we've made a new ar- 
 rangement," said his second, in an undertone, as the command "one! 
 two ! three ! " was given. 
 
 Both revolvers cracked simultaneouslj', when Blair Scribner, with a 
 yell like that of a man who cries for the last time, went up in the air, and 
 fell heavily upon the ground, and, as the smoke cleared away, McDow- 
 ell saw Boyle holding Blair Scribner upon his knee trying to find the 
 wound from which the red liquid proceeded that dyed his entire bosom, 
 as it trickled down to the ground. 
 
 " You've killed him ! You've shot him ! In the great haste the 
 wrong cartridges were used 1 " cried Woodward vehemently. " Run ! 
 Run ! Come ! Come ! " 
 
 " Tell my mother I fought for my honor ! " cried Mac, as he started 
 out with Woodward across the country. 
 
 Oh, how Mac run ! his coat tails were perpendicular witli the top of 
 his head, and the mud flew six feet high at every jump. Woodward 
 put him on board an express train, and just as it was about to start told 
 him that he had not touched Blair, for the cartridges were really 
 blank. 
 
 " Yes, but the blood ! the blood ! " cried Mac. 
 
 "Well," said Woodward, " you can &mi/ that blood for seventy-five 
 cents per bottle at any drug store. You'll find it nicely corked and labeled 
 Fine Old Claret Wine. Good-bye!" and ofl" Mac went en route for 
 Philadelphia, and he has never been seen in Princeton since. 
 
 : ITEMS. 
 
 A number of minor events in themselves too insignificant for separate 
 cJiapters. 
 
 At the middlo of the second term " Typical Forms'' was issued, in 
 which criticism of a severe nature was passed upon most of the Sophomores. 
 The Rake was distributed at midnight, and created the greatest sensation. 
 H. Boyle, Woodruff and Ka.se were the editors, and soon after it 
 
32 
 
 appeared, Kase was summoned before Dr. Atwater, and was told to go 
 home, but he and his "brethren in crime," were excused from this un- 
 pleasant episode by a pledge in which they promised never to do so any 
 more. The book was elegantly gotten up, and was pronounced by all to 
 be the best rake ever published here, which was owing to the enthusiasm 
 with which the class entered upon the undertaking. 
 
 Ike Richie was a peculiar fellow, and left college at the end of the 
 first term. I don't like to talk behind people's backs, but I must say that 
 I never in my life met with such an odd character. 
 
 Whenever his name was called in chapel, every student there assembled 
 would answer "Ae/'e. " 
 
 Billy Marr used to torment Isaac continually. | 
 
 " Isaac," he would say, " what is the 3d person, plural, singular, of 
 the passive, active, irregular subjunctive participle of the imperative of 
 ycyvofjiai ? 
 
 " Maj"^ be pei-hapsyou think I am a ass, and may be perhaps you think 
 I don't know,'' Isaac would reply. 
 
 Isaac left for causes unknown, and has never favored us with a single 
 call since his departure. 
 
 We had several large fires during the year, and Griis Vandeventer 
 used to take a tat pot and blacken the seats regularly, one night each week. 
 
 Kase went alone one night and smashed tutor Rankin's windows with 
 stove coal, was apprehended, and suffered numerous disorder marks, but 
 was not suspended. 
 
 After the arrival of McCosh, of whose inauguiatioii I will not speak, 
 since a full account of it has akeady been published, some bad boys went 
 arouud town and painted all the sign boards of the merchants, and also 
 daubed inscriptions upon the president's house. It created quite a furor, 
 and the very secret manner in which it had been done, prevented any of 
 those engaged from being discovered. 
 
 An indignation meeting was held, but it ended in a grand fight with 
 bibles and hymn books in the chapel, and the " paint spree" was entirely 
 forgotten. 
 
 Our class was unmanageable, and Dr. McCosh could not preserve order 
 to save his life. The president would rare and shout, hammer the desk, 
 until his knuckles were all black and blue, would tell us that he knew 
 
33. 
 
 who was maldng the noise, and would send him home, but despite this, 
 Billy Marb, would throio his voice, and Dib Bergen tcoiild fire torpedoes. 
 
 The president would give disorder marks to the innocent, and compli- 
 ment the most noisy for their good behavior ; he constantly became mixed 
 up in his discipline, and was relieved from embarrassment, only when the 
 classmen of their own accord, became orderly. 
 
 The Doctor knows young America now, and has the hest order in all 
 his recitations. 
 
 Blair Scribner left at the middle of the second term, as did also 
 Frank Woodward, and we thus lost two of the finest fellows, two of 
 the most liberal, generous and whole souled men in the class. 
 
 The " Heavij Weights'' was a crowd consisting of Boyle, Beynolds, 
 Blair, Scribner, McClintock, Stockton and Kase, originally, and 
 after a little while. Potts, VandeVenter, and one or two others joined. 
 This crowd led everything in the way of fun, and by the faculty they 
 were heartily despised. 
 
 They burned Atwater's Ice House, put two cows in the chapel, carried 
 a pig in the organ loft, filled the recitation rooms at regular intervals 
 with cord wood, old boxes, signs, rails, stones, brick bats, mud and pea 
 brush. They painted Prof. Mcllvaine's cow, illuminated Prof Peabody's 
 horse, made big bon fires, and did just as they jpleased generally. They 
 were sly, and none were ever caught. 
 
 Our ball nine, (for the statistics see another part of this volume,) did 
 splendid work, and defeated during the year every nine in college in at 
 least one game, if not in a series. 
 
 Dan English, who left at the end of first term to pursue his studies 
 abroad, was hazed roughly by some Sophomores— Dan is at present in 
 Athens, Grreece. 
 
 At chapel stage speaking by the Seniors, but few of our men carried 
 canes. Those who wished to, had done so long before, and those who 
 were indifferent, did not care to carry them when " given permission" so 
 to do. 
 
 At the end of Freshman year, our whole class cut final examination in 
 Mathematics and were forced to pass at the opening of Sophomore year. 
 
 Here then is our history for the first year, which speaks so well for 
 itself that we say no more concerning il. 
 
There is poling to be done, Soph'more lone, 
 
 Soph'more lone ! 
 There is poling to be done, Soph'more lone; 
 There is poling to be done, 
 There are honors to be won, 
 And they'll " go for " you like fun, 
 Soph'more lone ! 
 
 Don't think you will be eased, Soph'more lone, 
 
 Soph'more lone! 
 Don't think you will be eased, Soph'more lone; 
 Don't think you will be eased, 
 For the Profs' must be appeased 
 For every black board greased, 
 Soph'more lone ! 
 
 And if dropped should be your fate, Soph'more lone, 
 
 Soph'more lone ! 
 And if dropped should be your fate, Soph'more lone ; 
 And if dropped should be your fate, 
 Pa the day would celebrate 
 A hammering your pate, 
 
 Soph'more lone ! 
 
 Then think of mamma's sighs, Soph'more lone, 
 
 Soph'more lone ! 
 Then think of mamma's sighs, Soph'more lone ; 
 Then think of mamma's sighs. 
 And of sister's watery eyes. 
 And other sad sun-dries, 
 
 Soph'more lone ! 
 
 Then burn the midnight oil, Soph'more lone 
 
 Soph'more lone! 
 
 Then burn the midnight oil, Soph'more lone 
 
 Then burn the midnight oil. 
 
 Cease not the midnight toil. 
 
 Or a stump your grade will spoil, 
 
 Soph'more lone ! 
 
SOPHOMORE YEAR. 
 
 PRELUDE. 
 
 What a great day it was for us, and how happy we were ! Oh how 
 sweetthe emotion that brought out the smiles upon our faces, and the enthu- 
 siasm that kindled the rich glow upon our cheeks, when we, as "new 
 fledged" Sophomoi-es, took our seats for the first time upon the other side 
 of the chapel ! How we rushed to secure them, and how significant were 
 the glances cast over our shoulders at the timid new comers grouped 
 together upon our right. Oh it was a grand moment for us, when we 
 felt that we had so many to look down upon ! Even the oldest students 
 although hustled so closely along side of the chapel stage that the grave 
 doctors, in a moment of mental abstraction, might with impunity rest their 
 feet upon their senior shoulders, actually forgot their last year's dignity 
 and joined in the enthusiasm at our end of the aisle. Truly if there is a 
 time in a student's life when the acme of greatness seems to be attained, 
 when he detects in himself an inclination to strut, when the fit of his 
 garments is marvelous, and the part in his back hair mathematically exact, 
 it is just at the beginning of the Sophomore year — and if there is a time 
 when his days are dark, when his inmost soul is troubled, perplexed and 
 harrowed, when he is entirely indiiferent alike to boots and to back hair, 
 it is at the end of the second year. 
 
 It is very " nice and pretty," to come back and feel that you are infi- 
 nitely greater than you were " last year" — to parade through the thor- 
 oughfares, and feel no obligation to touch your hat in answer to a bow 
 from an advancing tutor, to talk of the time when " you were a Fresh- 
 
36 
 
 man" as though the interim had seen nations decay, and new generations 
 born. 
 
 It is exciting to conceal your form with a great coat, to destroy the 
 identity of your face with a black mask, and with immense pipes to call 
 upon the innocent Freshmen and "smoke 'em out." Then comes the 
 cane rush, the circus, and the annual bonfires of the political campaign. 
 All these things are pleasant but by what bitter episodes are they supple- 
 mented ! What Freshman before me now knows of the horrors which 
 will meet him mid way in his path, to ftighten, to tdrture, to utterly smite 
 and terrify? Oh that wild, wild delirium ! Oh the horrors of those mid- 
 night hours when before your eyes revolves sines, cosines, hyperbolas, 
 parabolas ! when a thousand mathematical demons writhe and twist in 
 the empty air, until you feel some triangle working at your feet, and a 
 diabolical circle tightening around your neck, preparatory to boxing you 
 up in a square. 
 
 You don't care what becomes of you ! You get reckless ! You loaf 
 around public places and try to get up a row between two of your best 
 friends. A dogfight makes you unutterably happy ! You become con- 
 fused ; you don't know half the time whether you are " a foot" or " a 
 horseback," and emaciate yourself in trying to recall your own name. 
 Then you get desperate ; you write to your darling, to whom you pledged 
 everlasting, eternal love, that you don't want to hear from her any more : 
 that you don't love her a bit, that she ain't any better than any one else, 
 and conclude your i-emarks by advising her to learn how to spell. 
 
 You take the New York Clipper, read murder stories, and feel in your 
 soul a longing, that will not be satisfied until you see some man hung ! 
 you abuse your darkey, and hurl a spittoon at him whenever you catch a 
 glimpse of his head, and of the 1000 little negroes who are annually abused, 
 999 are abased by Sophomores. 
 
 Then you sink down overwhelmed. You become horrified as the con- 
 viction is forced upon you that you are in an immense grinding machine, 
 from which you will ultimately develop in a yard of sausage. 
 
 Oh it is, it is tough, and it is just like sleeping upon broken glass — 
 you can't get used to it ! ! ! 
 
 If we should take the trouble to portray one-half the horrors identified 
 with this year, by giving a page, here and there, from our own individual 
 experience, we are confident that two-thirds of the coming Sophomore 
 
11 
 
 class would withdraw, and walk in humbler patlis (if life than these : but 
 we do not wish to say anj^thing that will discourage anj^ bodj^, because it 
 is not a proper thing for us to do. 
 
 The innocent Freshman after successfully passing the last examination 
 between him and Sophomore year, rushes usually to the telegraph office to 
 lethis sister know that he is coming home. Arrivingthere he darts into the 
 old house, hurls his hat in his sister's lap, and, grasping the hand of his 
 father, cries out at the top of his voice : 
 
 " Hurrah ! pop, I'm a Sophomore ! " 
 
 Then he goes over where his sister is, and sits at her feet, puts his 
 hands within hers, and looking up in her face begs her to tell him of 
 Fanny, the little girl whom he loves lots ; then, as if led by a noble in- 
 stinct, the good, old dog appears in the doorway'-, and wags him welcome, 
 he advances to meet the brute, pats him upon the head, and calls him a 
 good, thoughtful old dog. He is hapi^y, and grandma looks over her 
 glasses and blesses the boy. 
 
 Vacation is over ; he returns to his studies ; the delirium comes upon 
 him, and leaves him weary and worn at the end of the first term of Sopho- 
 more year. Does he rush to the telegraph office now ? Oh no 1 he is 
 willing to, but he hasn't the nerve. Oh how weak he is ! How blanched 
 his cheeks ! How faltering his foot-stsps ! Hov/ he starts at the rustle 
 of a leaf! How nervously twitch the muscles of his face, and how con- 
 stantly his fingers move as if longing to grasp something. There is a 
 hunger in cheek and eye, a fierce color steals within them sometimes, and 
 again, they grow blank in unutterable despair. 
 
 He slept over breakfast, the train leaves before dinner, — and he's hun- 
 gry — oh if he had but a cranberry seed ! ! He wonders how he will be 
 able to reach the depot. Oh, good Fortune ! Dennis wheels him down 
 upon the top of a trunk ; he thanks Dennis ; thanks Dennis a great deal : 
 thanks Dennis with tears in his eyes, and almost brings tears into Dennis' 
 eyes by giving him a dollar. 
 
 He gets on board the cars, takes no note whatever of the passengers, 
 but wonders Vhy the Devil the conductor can't remember where he's 
 going without making him show his ticket every five minutes. 
 
 He arrives home ; he steals into the house ; horrors past, and darker 
 horrors yet to come crowd down upon him. He don't care too see any 
 
38 
 
 one ; he feels that an hour's sleep, followed by a pound of steak, might 
 do wonders. 
 
 His sister meets him ; he don't whirl his hat now, but he keeps it 
 drawn tightly over his eyes; he don't see why his sister 7i:?sses him so 
 much for ; guesses she can feel " glad to see him" without Jdssing him 
 all the time. 
 
 No! he don't want to hear anything about Fanny — his Fanny — she 
 ain't his Fanny, never teas, never will be, either, if he knows anything 
 about it (and he thinks he does;) don't see what makes his sister act so 
 foolishly all the time. Then the same old dog appears to welcome him 
 again ; he sees that dog ; he goes for that dog ; he raises that dog three 
 feet ; the poor animal imagines he has run against an elephant in disguise 
 and his disappearance is as immediate as though he had ^' gojieup" by 
 spontaneous combustion. He'sgrum ! and grandma looks over her glasses 
 and wonders what on earth is the matter with the boy, and suggests pep- 
 permint. 
 
 So much for the prelude to the most trying, the most dull and stupid 
 year of the course. But let us proceed with this history passing over the 
 old stereotyped cane rush, which has formed a chapter in almost every 
 class history from time immemorial. 
 
CHAPTER I. 
 
 Our Grape Pickers. 
 
 In a class containing so many members as om's, there are many, who 
 aside from their regular collegiate duties are engaged in a great many 
 foreign pursuits ; thus I have shown how some were in diligent search 
 for washerwomen — some who had great love for wooden Indians ; and 
 some who met each other to fight for their honor upon the bloody field. 
 I now come to another class difi'ering entirely from those already mentioned 
 — which class, for reasons best known to themselves, I shall denominate 
 grape pickers. 
 
 At the beginning of Sophomore year there were, among the many new 
 men, who entered our class, two young and innocent individuals, distin- 
 guished by many good and generous qualities, which individuals were 
 named respectively William Pearson and Joseph Boyd. 
 
 You have seen a hawk stand aloof when the old hen was around with her 
 brood of chickens, and you have seen that aforesaid hawk with all the 
 treachery characteristic of its race, the very moment the mother hen's 
 back was turned, circle and circle in mid air, gradually and gradually ap- 
 proach its innocent victim, at last dart down like a lightning stroke, grasp 
 a chick and mount in the air triumphantly a moment after ? 
 
 A fate equally disastrous was dealt out to those two unfortunate young 
 men. They came to us in all the innocence of childhood, and we received 
 them with open arms. We ate their gingerbead just exactly as we would 
 have eaten our own, we smoked their cigars feeling infinitely more ami- 
 able than we would have felt, had we paid for the cigars ourselves ; 
 we gushed warmly over these two boys, and tried early to initiate them 
 into all the mysteries of college life. But alas ! alas ! one unlucky day 
 when our backs were turned the hawks descended and the goslins were 
 gobbled. 
 
40 
 
 Newies always have a passion to associate with upper classmen, it is a 
 fault which only some terrible midnight experience can remove. You may 
 talk to them until the hairs upon your head grow silvery, aud eventually 
 drop oiF leaving your caput bare, but they will do it, it is a rule. 
 
 Joseph Boyd and William Paerson were not, alas ! exceptions to 
 this rule. We warned them of the pernicious eiFect that would, as sure 
 as fate, result from this intimacy, they took no heed, but passed on and 
 walked directly in a hornet's nest. 
 
 Late one night they were over in West College enjoying the tobacco 
 and the hospitality of two seniors, one of whom we shall call Senior A., 
 and the other Senior B. 
 
 The two boys were having a real good time, they thought, basking in 
 each other's wit, (a sort of mutual admiration society), when Senior A. 
 said ; 
 
 " G-racious ! how well some grapes would go to-night ! " 
 
 " Wouldn^ t they though," said Senior B. 
 
 William Pearson and Joseph Boyd agreed with Senior A. and 
 Senior B. 
 
 The liaivks are on the Qui Vive. 
 
 ' ' One of our boys went out last night and got two pillow cases chuck 
 full," said Senior A. 
 
 " Is that sof" asked Senior B. 
 
 "Yes it is!" answered Senior A., "and he said that the vine was 
 just so full that he laid down and laughed at 'em." 
 
 "He did?" asked Senior B. 
 
 " Pie did ! " Senior A. returned. 
 
 The hawks are beginning to circle. 
 
 "I tell you," said Senior B., " there is nothing so fine as grapes; ap- 
 ples, and peaches, and pears are good, to be sure, but people don't hanker 
 after them as they hanker after grapes." 
 
 " Yes you're right," put in Senior A. " they are good, and often grow 
 ripe from the words of love whispered by moonlight under the arbor. ' ' 
 
 The haivhs are rapidly nearing their victims. 
 
 " they are jaat dead ripe ! " said Senior B. 
 
 " how I'd like to have some ! " cried Senior A. 
 
 " Whatistliereasonwecan'tgoaftersome ? " cried Joseph Boyd, which 
 being interpreted is 
 
41 
 
 " What is the reason we can't go after some ! " 
 
 " No reason at all," cried Senior A. 
 
 " We can easily do it," said Senior B. 
 
 " Well let's go ! " Joseph Boyd spoke, 
 
 " Yes, let's," Billy Pearso reiterated. 
 
 Alas, alas ! my ! ! my ! alas ! the chickens are caught. 
 
 " Well now " said Senior B., " I'll tell you how we'll fix it. We must 
 act quickly, 'cause those who act quickly never get caught. I'll go down 
 to the place where the grapes grow and see that everything is all right. 
 If I don't come back here in five minutes, why it will mean that every- 
 thing is regular. Understand?" 
 
 " yes ! " said Joseph. 
 
 " You just bet! " said William. 
 
 Senior B. left the room and as he went down the dark stairways he 
 pulled a six shooter from his pocket, and carried it in his hand ; passing 
 out he wended his way down to the spot where the towers of our gymna- 
 sium were then just beginning to rise. 
 
 Senior A., Joseph and William watched the hands of the clock until 
 they had left seven golden minutes in the past, when, feeling sure that 
 everything was all right, they started out for glory or for grapes. 
 
 The night was dark ; darkness was so thick that you could almost cut 
 it with a knife ; pedestrians along our thoroughfares had to carry lanterna 
 to see our street lamps burn. I assure you it was awful dark. 
 
 Senior A. took them over the same course Senior B. had taken a few 
 moments before, when arriving at Prof Guyot's garden they paused. 
 
 " Now " said Senior A., " you fellows jump over the fence and get 
 your hats full, I'll watch." 
 
 " Yes, but Jewhitaker, ain't it shaded though? " — cried Joseph. 
 
 "Dark as Blazes ! " returned William. 
 
 "Come! come! come! get over," whispered Senior A., "or some- 
 body' 11 hear us." 
 
 Over the fence they scrambled, and began groping round in the dark 
 for the vines. 
 
 Now there wasn't a grape anywhere in the neighborhood, for it was 
 nothing but a confounded old potato patch, but Joseph and William 
 were innocent of the appalling fact. By and by Joseph cried, 
 
 " Do grapes grow on vines about knee high, William ? " 
 
42 
 
 "No!" said Billy. 
 
 " Then, by Gosh, I've got hold of o, pumpkin vine," said Joseph. 
 
 Joseph still searched, when by and by he went up against the fence 
 on the other side of the garden ker-slap, 
 
 " Come over here William I've found 'em," he cried. "Nolain't,- 
 confoundit:Jewhitakerain'titdark ! " 
 
 Just then Senior B. jumped up from his place of concealment, and 
 cried at the top of his voice. 
 
 " Ha ! Ha ! my fine scoundrels I've got you now ! " 
 
 Bang ! Bang ! Bang ! and three pistol shots cracked upon the air. 
 
 " Mercy on us," cried William Pearson, as with one grand unpar- 
 alleled leap he cleared the high fence without touching a thread of his 
 apparel ; over across the fields he went at a reckless speed — stumbling at 
 every sten. Joseph Boyd was scared, each particular hair upon his head 
 stood up, 
 
 " Like quills upon the fretful porcupig," 
 
 and he would have given $25, to have been able to get on ( hat fence in 
 any way. At last in ' ' downright desperation, ' ' he pulled out his revolver 
 and fired in the direction from which the former pistol shots had proceeded. 
 
 Senior B. heard a ball whiz right along side of his favorite and he was 
 scared, and they say the velocity with which he left those premises com- 
 pletely eclipsed Dexter' s best time— and we expected that Mr. Bonner 
 would at once enter into negotiations to secure Senior B., he could have 
 been bought cheap just then. 
 
 Meanwhile all West College had been aroused, and yells and laughter 
 greeted Joseph as he came along, and just then it flashed into his mind 
 that he had been " egregiously imposed upon.'' 
 
 William Pearson arrived home sometime the next morning, and he 
 said he had an indistinct idea of having fallen in some stream, which must 
 have been either the Delaware River or Stony Brook. 
 
 N. B. Frank Taylor was also one of the unfortunate grape pickers, 
 as your historian has lately discovered. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 Midnight Mechanics. 
 
 The boys all came back at the opening of the second term, to witness 
 the "Inaugural exercises of the Grymnasium." 
 
 Of the speeches delivered upon that occasion it does not become ob- 
 ligatory for us to speak, since our class took no conspicuous part in the 
 ceremonies. 
 
 For many weeks everybody was orderly and quiet, and things would 
 have continued so no doubt for a great many weeks longer, had it not 
 been for those awful rainy days ; it rained more or less every day for six 
 weeks until our beautiful campus was navigable, while to reach the Gym- 
 nasium was almost an impossibility. 
 
 Could we see the propriety of setting out through mud and water knee 
 deep to swing the clubs ? 
 
 No. 
 
 Had the facultv taken any pains to build a walk for us ? 
 
 No. 
 
 Well then what was to be done ? and echo asked and answered what 
 was to be done. 
 
 The sight of Groldie's broad shoulders, full chest and tawny, muscular 
 arms, had rendered physical culture too popular to be neglected, but what 
 was to be done ? Crowd asked crowd what was to be done ? student asked 
 student what was to be done ? it was at the same time the query of the 
 individual and of the multitude. Our philosophers were non-plussed, 
 and our engineers at a stand still. What ivas to be done ? 
 
 The members of this gallant class forsook everything else for the solu- 
 tion of this master problem ; it entered within their minds and became 
 at last a part of themselves ; it was the ghost of the breakfast table and 
 the ptantom that chased them in their dreams. What was to be done? 
 
44 
 
 The question grew more and more perplexing, the sun shone less and 
 less, the winds blew harder and harder and the rain fell more and more. 
 Minds grew more melancholy, forms grew more and more meagre, phy- 
 sicians were summoned frequently and mathematics actually became dull. 
 What was to be done ? 
 
 Great men '' nascitur non fit," heroes appear once in a century, victors 
 once in an age. They spring up like mushrooms in a night, to answer 
 the call of mankind when nations are in distress. 
 
 The men of our century were looking for the advent of their hero, but 
 as yet he had not come, many a soul had longed and waited until upon its 
 head fell the white frost of long years, until the " sun and the moon and 
 the stars are darkened" and the spark went out. 
 
 There had been men who uttered predictions and who "stretched their 
 hands out in the empty air and strained their eyes into the heavy night" 
 but the hero came not. Wonders had been truly wrought — mountains 
 had been tunnelled, seas plowed, cataracts spanned and worlds girdled, 
 art and science had gone on side by side, creating new beings, and discover- 
 ing new affinities, but the nation's harp was yet to awaken beneath the 
 touch of the master's fingers, and the nation's monument was yet to arise 
 at the touch of the master's hand. 
 
 At length he came ; the great man of the nineteenth century came, 
 sprang up to answer this great and momentous question, "What was 
 to be done?" 
 
 Bishop SHORTT arose and cried : " Tear down the fences, and 
 
 BUILD A "WALK OURSELVES. ' ' 
 
 Build a walk ourselves, and in two hours the news spread like wild- 
 fire ; build a walk ourselves, and the problem was solved ; build a walk 
 ourselves — the idea was developed at the breakfast table and lived and 
 grew in the recitation rooms ; build a walk ourselves and the prelimina- 
 ries were arranged immediately at Streeper's and at Stelle's. Bishop 
 SnoRTTwas elected civil engineer, and was to submit his plans to the 
 members of The Set The College to Rights Association, that very night. 
 
 Set The College To Eights Association, be it known, is an organiza- 
 tion with which every member of this class is identified either in body or 
 in spirit, whose duty has been to see to all the internal improvements of 
 the College. 
 
45 
 
 To see that all ill-formed fences are properly torn down and destroyed 
 at regular intervals around the old cannon. 
 
 To learn by a severe critical examination whether all the gates about 
 town swing as they ought to, and to better their automatic action by 
 changing their base of operations every now and then. 
 
 To discover by trial, whether all the door bells attached to the man- 
 sions of our citizens ring as all respectable door bells should. 
 
 To see that every member of the faculty is safe and sound at home by 
 10 P. M. 
 
 To oversee all affairs, a proper disposal of which may accrue to the 
 benefit of our heirs, successors or assigns. 
 
 Below is submitted a few of the resolutions of this society, read at the 
 first meeting and never thought of afterward : 
 
 Resolutions. 
 
 Resolved, That this business be called The Set The College To Eights 
 Association^ or anything else. 
 
 Resolved, That we positively will not tamper ourselves with constitu- 
 tion, by-laws or dues. 
 
 Resolved, That every man elect himself to an office, which office he 
 must hold until he dies ; (this is done to prevent any election quarrels.) 
 
 Resolved, That if two men elect themselves to the same office neither 
 one of them can have it ; if three men elect themselves, the one that can 
 euchre the other two in three straight games can secure said office ; if all 
 elect themselves to fill the same office, resolved that the association dis- 
 hand in disgust. 
 
 Resolved, That one constitutes a quorum. 
 
 Resolved, That if at any meeting one brother feels an inclination to 
 punch another brother's head, both brothers must retire to the punching 
 room where a good supply of slop buckets and sponges are kept constantly 
 on hand. 
 
 Resolved, That we have no more resolutions. 
 
 The association met that night ; every member being an officer they 
 took their seats in a semi-circle, resembling a band of minstrels. Bishop 
 Shortt acting as " brudder bones" on one end and Tyree as tambourine 
 on the other. 
 
 When the chairs were mostly occupied the President cried out, ' ' Are 
 all the members gathered in ? if not let us suppose they are gathered out, 
 
46 
 
 and go on with tlie meeting, let the neophyte who hath the plan of oper- 
 ation and attack, now desplay it to his assembled brethren. 
 
 Shortt then arose and submitted his plan. He had everything fixed 
 according to the highest principles of diplomatic shrewdness. He had 
 the fence from which we were to get the material to build the walk all 
 drawn out nicely; rather a hard looking sketch, but then you must bear 
 in mind it was rather a hard looking fence to draw. He had our party 
 all divided into groups, the member of each group being represented by 
 straight lines. Being always a great student of Natural History, and 
 having noticed the peculiarities of all birds, particularly the a-ow, he had 
 sentinels stationed here and there who should herald the approach of 
 reckless tutors by blowing u])on big tin horns. He showed the exact 
 panels to be first attacked, and in a word he had done everything to the 
 best of his judgment and abihty. 
 
 The president arose and moved that a committee of applause be ap- 
 pointed — and as every one in the room seconded the motion, the president 
 thought it would be a waste of time to put the question to vote, as he 
 immediately appointed himself as a committee. 
 
 Lemuel Tyree, who had taken up the plan, cried out: 
 
 " Stand aloof! This ideal plan is a practical failure. The fence runs 
 East and West, while this plan has it running North and South. I insist 
 sir that the fence runs East and West. The fence, gentlemen, the fence 1 ' ' 
 
 The president told Tyree to dry up about the fence, 'cause the fence 
 was not to blame. 
 
 Mr. Shortt said he didn't want to have his plan spoken of in that 
 manner. 
 
 Mr. Tyree replied that he didn't mean to cast any slur upon the plan, 
 but he wished to convince the meeting that Mr. Shortt's afternoon naps 
 had kept him from acquiring a good knowledge of the neighborhood, and 
 had completely obliterated all the knowledge that he might have once 
 possessed concerning it. 
 
 Mr. Shortt accepted Mr. Tyree's apology, and his plan was laid 
 under the table. 
 
 Mr. Tyree was called upon to draw up a plan ; but as he was entirely 
 unable to draw a line, straight enough and of the length necessary to 
 represent the fence he kept the meeting for a long time in a state of pain- 
 
47 
 
 ful expectancy. All at once a lucky thought struck him, so instead of 
 drawuig a straight line he simply wrote : 
 y ■=! ax + b. 
 
 Mr. Shortt denounced this bitterly, and Mr. Tyree's plan was laid 
 in the stove. 
 
 Mr. McMiCKEN then arose and said he thought it would be well to 
 wake up the secretary, who, at the onset of the debate, had retired to the 
 back room. 
 
 Mr. McMlCKEN found the secretary enjoying a delicious repose, woke 
 him up and informed him of what had transpired. A few minutes after 
 the secretary appeared in the back door, destitute of coat, vest, collar and. 
 boots ; he said : 
 
 " We now have appointed all the men whom we can trust, to draw a 
 plan except our honorable piesident, and since he took last in Mathemat- 
 ics he is of course, unfortunately, ignorant of all the points of the com- 
 pass ; now, since we are unable to find out whether the fence runs North 
 and South, or East and West, 1 move that a committee be at once 
 appointed to hring in that fence. 
 
 And he withdrew to the back room again. 
 
 After an hour's warm debate, during which the president vainly insist- 
 ed that eight of the brothers should retire to the "punching room," it 
 was resolved that the best plan would be no plan at all, and this plan was 
 adopted. At about 2 o'clock in the morning the boys were on hand and 
 such ripping and crashing, yanking and pounding never took place before 
 in the history of Nassau. All at once a fellow came around the corner 
 and announced that a tutor was coming with a great big lantern, but it 
 was subsequently ascertained that our informant had seen a lightning hug, 
 and work was resumed, and in a few hours the walk such as it was, was 
 completed. After most of the boys had gone home Shortt still worked 
 with a vehemence that this gentleman had never shown before and never 
 displayed since. He had a long piece of scantling in his hand— he poised 
 the mighty javelin in the air ; he drove it forward ; a yell, an ait'ful yell 
 assured us' that the bolt had gone through the fence and struck somebody 
 on the head; subsequent investigations proved it to be McMicken Avho 
 was discovered in the pale moonlight, holding his head, and howling dis- 
 
48 
 
 mally, halfway down to the ball ground where he had been carried by 
 the force of the blow. 
 
 There was a bump along side of his head and that bump began to grow. 
 I never did see a bump grow like that one. By nine o'clock in the morn- 
 ing it resembled a huge peach basket, and it was all McMicken could do 
 to hold it in his hands. His friends visited his room frequently during 
 the day in order to ascertain which was the lump and which was McMicken, 
 indeed it is positively asserted that Mac, at one time, entertained serious 
 intentions of sending over after Prof Guyot that he might ascertain the 
 height of this lump by the aid of the spirit level; but the enthusiasm of 
 the midnight mechanics was not without its effect, for in less than a 
 week the faculty kindly supplied us with a broad and high plank walk. 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 The Burial of Matthew-Matics. 
 
 There was commotion in Seventy-Two ! The professor's vanishing 
 coat tails had disappeared through the door way, and the twelve o'clock 
 bell stood on its head a hundred times as it rang out its chimes, but the 
 members of the class, wont to run out without dismissal at the first sound 
 from North College tower, kept their seats and no one spoke a word. ^ 
 
 The president's chair was empty, the seat of the secretary unoccupied, 
 and for fully five minutes each man gazed upon the blank face of hia 
 neighbor as if to read there the cause for which he remained, and the 
 reason for this unusual solemnity. 
 
 By and by the mutterings grew more and more audible upon the back 
 bench, there was a whistle, then a stamp, then a wild prolonged cheer as 
 Cotton Wilson with a few grand strides, gained the desk which con- 
 fronted the class and demanded the ears of his classmates. 
 
 Cotton never was enthusiastic for nothing ; he did not become excited 
 over trifles. No ! no ! There was cause for this wild vehemence, and 
 what it was let the sequel show. 
 
 "Classmates" !! said he with a quick nervous bow, and with an 
 inward lurch of the neck accompanied with an outward extension of 
 the hands—" Classmates ! ! my soul is grieved !" 
 
 You would have thought his classmates were glad of his bereavement, 
 if you could have heard the yell which greeted his opening remarks. 
 
 " Classmates ! ! !" he repeated again, stepping forward a pace or two, 
 and striking the desk a blow with his ponderous fist, that came nigh 
 crushing it. 
 
 " Classmates! 1 I tell you my spirit is deeply grieved, deeplier than 
 to my recollection, it has ever been before, deeplier than in my private 
 opinion it will ever be again ; Grentlemen, the emotion I am now experi- 
 
50 
 
 encing are deeplmt. And why? I repeat it — and why? Is it because 
 we are few in numbers? is it because we are misused? Is it because we 
 fail to come up to the demands which the reverend doctors make upon 
 us ? Oh no, but because we fail to comply with the demands which our 
 simple association with each other makes, and fail to recognize the claims 
 which one brother of '72 is justified in advancing to another. 
 
 " Oh classmates, why this lassitude, why this continued apathy?" 
 
 "I give it up'" said Captain Brad ; " stop asking your darned old 
 conundrums." 
 
 The unearthly tumult that ensued here, gave Captain Brad an assur- 
 ance that his casual remark expressed a public sentiment, and also afforded 
 the stump orator sufficient time to master his emotion. 
 
 "Jfcet j'our mind run back to the past," cried Cotton. "Let your 
 minds review all the glories of our ancient career and what does this class 
 represent? Why sirs we resemble a band of brothers; in every issue 
 coming forth as we went in, a powerful unbroken circle. And what are 
 we now? What has become of our friendship, our enthusiasm and what 
 have we lately accomplished ? The laurels of the past are fading, they 
 were once blight, but alas ! time keeps nothing green ; at the touch of the 
 frost king all things are made hoary, and all that is bright in the present 
 is soon buried in that eternal stream which flows from the past, and 
 almost touches the realm of the mysterious future ; even now we catch a 
 glimpse of the white caps as the breakers roll in on the sand ; even now 
 we see the black sea .swallowing up what was once the boast of our union 
 and the triumph of our masterly endeavor ; shall we then remain silent? 
 Shall we sit calmly here and let our prestige die on account of our inac- 
 tivity?" 
 
 " Not much !" cried Cotton hammering the wood as though he were 
 a blacksmith and the desk were a forge. 
 
 " Not much!" cried the class with a yell, as each member whirled 
 his text book at some other member's head. 
 
 "Well then," continued the orator, "we must work; we must con- 
 trive something grand ; we must do something unusual, something tre- 
 mendously immense, or else we faint — we die, hy gosh ! ! ! .'" 
 
 Cotton descended from his position, and a deep silence prevailed as 
 he walked up the narrow aisle leading to the door ; he did not withdraw, 
 but pausing upon the threshold cried, 
 
51 
 
 " As one interested in the common cause, as one whom experience has 
 taught to respect, as one whose rare qualities and honorable years entitle 
 him to our confidence, I call upon John Oliver to give us his opinion 
 in the midst of this awful impending crisis." 
 
 A thunder of applause answered this request, and contrary to the 
 anticipation of the class John Oliver sprang to his feet with the agility 
 of a circus man and as he faced his classmates was hailed with the warm- 
 est exclamations of delight. 
 
 " I most heartily concur," said the heroic John, " with the sentiments 
 of the gentleman who has called for my remarks. I too have noticed this 
 general inactivity, this withdrawing from brotherly intercourse, this living 
 for self, and I too have wondered how new lii'e, new activity might be 
 instilled within the veins of my indifferent companions; I simply state 
 the disease, let some one who shall succeed me prescribe the remedy — I 
 simply speak because I have been called upon to do so, not in response 
 to any inclination of my own, but I will say this, that unless something is 
 done, there will be nothing to represent our co-operation and friendship 
 or our patriotism to our noble class. I will say more that unless something 
 is done at once^ our class will have a record when we graduate from which 
 wo will all turn in disgust. ' ' 
 
 CouM we believe our ears ? What ! ! ! John Oliver talk so ! In an 
 instant a solemnity passed over the meeting and most rigid order was 
 thenceforth preserved. That which fii-st had been started as burlesque, 
 owing to a few earnest words had been rendered as solemn as a prayer 
 meeting. 
 
 A dozen men spoke ; something must be done in which we could all 
 take a hand, and in which some system could be involved. We must 
 concoct something in which there would be hearty co-operation : some- 
 thing which would startle the other classes, and win from them admiration 
 and applause. 
 
 One plan after another was denied ; each man who spoke had some 
 scheme in which to involve the members of the class; manj" were the 
 sprees, the ceremonies proposed ; but none of them seemed to fulfill the 
 present demand. 
 
 Who was it came to tlie rescue just when we were most in despair? 
 Who was it by a single sentence called forth the wildest cheers ; that woo 
 
52 
 
 from every member of the class a personal demonstration of hilarious 
 gratitude such as subsequently has never been shown ? 
 
 Why, little Andy McCh'ntock. 
 
 " Fellows," said he " Let us have a modi fimeral amd bury Tngonom- 
 dry.'" 
 
 Oh what a hero x\ndy was ! How picturesque he appeared with his 
 broad face all aglow and his huge form trembling with excitement of the 
 moment. How the boys shouted ! How the boys all cheered him — how 
 fortunate to think of such a thing at such a time. 
 
 The wildest excitement prevailed, committees were appointed and the 
 faculty in response to their petition sent in to our class a favorable reply; 
 the following officers and orators were elected and the conspicuous part 
 which every one played is clearly shown below in the programme : 
 
 ORDER OF PROCESSION. 
 
 Chief Neophyte G. H. Badeau 
 
 Chief Chorister M. S. Shotwell 
 
 MUSIC. 
 
 High Priest H. B. Shoett 
 
 Orator Karl Kask 
 
 Pod. D. Deckkk 
 
 Lamentation Orator U. C. Lenher 
 
 Torch Bearers. 
 
 A. \\'IT.L1AMS, 
 
 W. R. Frame. 
 
 T(,)rch Beiirers. 
 W. Jon:;soa, 
 A. Deveekaux, 
 A. Johnson, 
 
 Pall Bearers. 
 B. Reynolds, 
 A. McCli-vtock, 
 
 },. iJjiWART, 
 
 Pall Bearers. 
 Iv. W. Jewull, 
 N. W. Wells, 
 C. Camm, 
 
 Torch Bearers. 
 VV. B. Shoett, 
 A. Atwater, 
 W, Lane. 
 
 Torch Bearers. 
 
 F. Taylor, 
 
 J. Perkins. 
 
 f J. E. Woodruff 
 ■jj. D. 
 
 Midnight Minion John Oliver 
 
 Sexton 
 
 : ■■■■■■■{i: 
 
 Members of Class. 
 
 Line of March last time around the triangle. 
 
 Grave Diggers , 
 
 Davis. 
 Wilson 
 Boyd. 
 
53 
 CEREMONIES. 
 
 Around the Cannon, at 12, midnight. 
 
 MVSIC. 
 
 "Melancholy Dirge," with Anvil Chorus. , 
 
 ORATION (Sub.) O Me ! O My ! Alas ! O Dear ! Alas ! KARL KA8E 
 
 POEM (Sub.) " Is this the Last? Eh ?" D. DECKER 
 
 OBSEQUIES. 
 
 The body will be burnt in ye most classic style. 
 
 The lighting of the Pyre » H. B. Shobtt 
 
 Lamentation John Clarence Lenheb 
 
 SONGS. 
 Dig the Grave out Deep and fill the Grave up Full. 
 
 Sophomorical Peace Jubilee. 
 
 Anvil Chorus 
 SONG. 
 "All the Soph'mores are a Weeping." 
 Demonstrations of Joj', with Solo on the Equinine Violin. 
 
 COMMITTEE. 
 
 K.4RL Kase, J. D. Davis, J. E. Woodbuff, M. S. Shovwsli,, 
 
 J. F. Perkins, W. R. Frame, A. Johnson. 
 
 At eleven o'clock grotesque forms danced like spectres before this 
 gymnasium, and wild mj'sterious and unearthly sounds rolled up from this 
 labj'rinth of darkness, anon light began to gleam here and there, the 
 wierd throng increased in numbers until in the shadow of our proud- 
 est edifice a hundred phantastic souls held high carnival. A stranger 
 would have shuddered, and his blood would have thickened at the sight. 
 The long black coffin i-ested upon its rude bier, the top was knocked off, 
 and most of the fellows used it as a spittoon while they put on the cos- 
 tume of the evening. 
 
 Soon the procession moved — there were a hundred forms dressed in 
 white sheets with broad black trimmings. There were mourners, pall 
 bearers, and about the bier flashed fifty gleaming lanterns. 
 
 On the procession moved solemn and slow — the boys singing their 
 plaintive funeral dirge. 
 
54 
 
 AiB — Old Grimes. 
 
 Old Mat' is dead, that good old soul, 
 We ne'er shall see him more ; 
 He used to worry out the life 
 Of every Soph-o-more. 
 
 He always came on Monday noon, 
 And tried us hard and sore ; 
 But since he's dead and buried 
 He won't come any more. 
 
 And so in peace we lay him here, 
 And bid a long adieu ; 
 No more he'll pester unto death ; 
 The sons of Seventy-two. 
 
 And let each member of this class 
 Behold their conqueror dead; 
 And let their tears fall thick and fast 
 As he is plan-ti-ed. 
 
 Around the triangle the crowd proceeded, passing through Mrs. Thom- 
 son's garden and receiving from her generous hands many beautiful lant- 
 erns. Returning the mourners thronged about the cannon. 
 The Poem was a good one, and \^e here produce it : 
 
 "Are all thy conquests, glories, triumphs, spoils. 
 Shrunk to this little measure ?" 
 
 All nature rests. The turmoil of the day 
 In quiet slumber now has died away. 
 The radiant banner of the day is furled ; — 
 Night's sable mantle shrouds a slumbering world. 
 
 Long since, the day-god, in his splendor dressed, 
 Kolled his bright chariot to the distant west, 
 And now, with light and animation, fills 
 The realms beyond the far Hesperian hills. 
 E'en Luna, too, fair goddess of the night. 
 Fails to dispense her pale and mellow light. 
 By yon far-distant, circling belt of blue, 
 Her crescent form is hidden from our view. 
 Thus, double darkness rests on hill and plain. 
 As night resumes her solitary reign. 
 
 Hushed are the tones of that old college bell. 
 No more does its familiar music swell 
 
55 
 
 Upon the air in accents of delight. 
 
 O how its silence adds to gloom to-night ! 
 
 (Can't some good fellow break that boxing through 
 
 And give the bell-rope just a pull or two?) 
 
 A few short hours ago and all was glee ; 
 No thought of grief— all life and gaiety. 
 But now — how changed ! along these shaded walks 
 No newie steals, nor lordly senior stalks. 
 No reunited cla,s.smates gather there ; 
 ,No honored guests, no ladies gay and fair, 
 Whose radiance banishes each trace of care. 
 Methinks the absence of their cheerful light 
 Would quite suffice to turn the day to night. 
 But, "cheese" this moralizing. To resume, 
 A silence, like the silence of the tomb, 
 Now wraps this venerated town in gloom. 
 
 'Tis midnight! 'tis that dread and solemn hour 
 When drow-sy Morpheus holds within his power 
 His willing subjects, their acknowledged chief. 
 Sleep on ! ye happy hearts, untouched by grief! 
 Sleep on in peace ! Far distant be the day 
 When grief like ours shall steal across your way ! 
 
 Yes, grief like ours ; for, in its fiendish wrath, 
 
 A thunderbolt has fallen in our path. 
 
 Grief, cruel Grief, has lain his crushing hand 
 
 Upon each member of our stricken band. 
 
 Who now with heavy hearts and measured tread. 
 
 Have gathered here with their lamented dead, 
 
 To give the body to its native earth. 
 
 And pay a tribute to departed worth. 
 
 (Just here our feelings struggle for a vent 
 
 Like new-made wine beginning to ferment.) 
 
 With mingled feelings we recall the day 
 
 When that benignant spirit passed away ; 
 
 The day we met and bade a last adieu 
 
 At that affecting final interview. 
 
 Awhile we sat in silence ; no one spoke. 
 
 At last a voice the painful stilness broke. 
 
 " Methinks " said Smith, a dew drop in his eye, 
 
 "That Matthew's pegging out. He's bound to die.'' 
 
 "Indeed" quoth Boyd "That tastes me very high," 
 
 " Doubtless " respondedCoTTON Wilson's voice ; 
 
 " Boyd if he should, whew! wont we two rejoice; 
 
 Now, on the Pope's infallibility, 
 
 It seems that you and I can not agree, 
 
56 
 
 But here we seem to think alike you see. 
 Besides, I think, 'twill cure this apathy,— 
 That which has bored me mnch " more than a few " 
 E'er since it first appeared in '72." 
 
 Here our Imposing minion took the floor, 
 
 And, straightening up some several feet or more, 
 
 " My friends," he said, " let this disturbance cease. 
 
 It caps the very climax of disgrace, 
 
 'Tis shameful, villainous, supremely base. 
 
 To talk in such a style in such a place. 
 
 Now Boyd and Cotton here I know them two ; 
 
 The've got some funeral office in their view. 
 
 So I repeat let this disturbance cease 
 
 As your class president I call for peace." 
 
 Dread silence reignSd more deeply than before 
 
 Until a smitten Hart remarked " Hoor-roar ! " 
 
 Now, all this time, the slowly wasting sands 
 
 Of Matthew's life were running out. His hands 
 
 Soon dropped the chalk. His pulse grew very weak, 
 
 Fainter and fainter, till, too faint to speak, 
 
 He made a sine with his expiring breath. 
 
 And shewed his ruling passion strong in death. 
 
 To give a formula he vainly tried ; 
 
 His limbs relaxed, his hands fell to his side,— 
 
 "Juniors!" we shrieked when Matthew Matics died. 
 
 Oh say thou ancient relic,* thou hast been 
 Through many a fierce and many a trying scene, 
 And miseries of which thou ne'er hast told, 
 But tell me ; didst thou ever yet behold. 
 Or is it likely that thou wilt again, 
 So sad a set of " melancholy men ? " 
 ********** 
 
 Thus from our midst has Matthew Matics passed. 
 We pause to ask. " Is this to be the last ? " 
 
 Is this the last ? Upon this solemn bier 
 
 His bloodless form reclines ; but, must we here 
 
 Entomb his memory too ? Ne'er be It said 
 
 That dark oblivion was his lasting bed. 
 
 Such graceless conduct we could ne'er forgive ; 
 
 No, Matthew, in our memory then shall live. 
 
 Whene'er we pause, as we will often do, 
 Pause to enjoy a retrospective view. 
 Of our relation with poor Mat-thi-ew, 
 
 *The cannon. 
 
57 
 
 Mid pleasant memories others will intrude, 
 Reminding us of our ingratitude. 
 
 When Matthew, in his mildest way, would ask 
 The strict performance of a stated task, 
 How oft his mild authority we dared 
 By sullenly responding — " unprepared .'" 
 At other times, when "indisposed " to pole, 
 But " muchly " ready for a country stroll. 
 Knowing a " cut " was neater than a " tear," 
 And nothing healthier than the country air. 
 Then Euclid's lines and angles we forsook; 
 The lines we poled were fastened to a hook, — 
 The angle pa,rt was done at Stony Brook. 
 
 Cast in the shade those little cuts appear 
 By our great cut^the last of Freshmen year. 
 That cut the dear departed to the heart, 
 And, roused to indignation by the smart, 
 He put his foot down iirmly. Soon we knew 
 What his reserved authority could do. 
 Oh what a fix were we poor freshmen in ! 
 For two long months afflicted with the " grin I" 
 That Soph promotion tarried till the fall. 
 " This was the most unkindest cut of all." 
 
 When,— all our days of preparation past. 
 
 We gain a long-sought eminence at last. 
 
 Obtain the prey we scented from afar 
 
 And fleece our helpless victims at the bar,— 
 
 When, as the tide of politics rolls on,— 
 
 Within its all-engulfing vortex, drawn 
 
 We " stump the state " for law and liberty,— 
 
 We'll think then, Matthew, how we stumped for thei. 
 
 Or. if, in struggling for a post of fame, 
 
 We fail to reach the object of our aim 
 
 And, disappointed in the exciting race 
 
 We take a useful but a humbler place. 
 
 As country doctors or as farmers, toil, 
 
 Digging out teeth, or digging in the soil, 
 
 E'en then his teachings will produce their fruits, 
 
 Who taught us all about extracting roots. 
 
 Thus in whatever sphere our lot be cast 
 His memory lives. No, this is not the last. 
 
 Is this the last ? Oh Matthew, can it be 
 
 That thy dear image we no more shall see ? 
 
 Must we retain in memory, alone 
 
 That one whose virtues must be loved, — when known f 
 
58 
 
 No, mourning hearts ; look up — and draw a smile : 
 
 To rest in peace is far from Matthew's style. 
 
 He will appear, e'en though it only be 
 
 To demonstrate his eccentricity ; 
 
 For, while the earth his well-known form entombs. 
 
 His ghost will haunt yon recitation rooms. 
 
 How often at the midnight hour he'll stand 
 
 Beside that door ! within his wasted hand 
 
 A piece of chalk, — yes, even now we see, 
 
 In fancy, or in dread reality, 
 
 A ghostly form which, with reproachful eyes. 
 
 Gazes upon us as in mute surprise. 
 
 Two massive tablets do his shoulders bear 
 
 And, in the fiery figures flashing there, 
 
 We see the record of that single " tear " 
 
 We made so long ago in freshman year ! 
 
 Why should that record at this time appear 
 
 For our torment ? Why should those burning eyes 
 
 Reproach us for inducing hopes to rise, 
 
 Hopes which, alas ! we ne'er would realize? 
 
 That single " tear !" In this the sting appears ; 
 
 That one lone " tear" shall cause unnumbered tears. 
 
 Nor need we think his presence to elude ; 
 Go where we may, his ghostship will intrude. 
 Throughout our lives our follower he will be, 
 With even more than woman's constancy. 
 Yes, in whatever circle we may move, 
 Though fenced by sacred barriers of love. 
 E'en in that circle Matthew will appear 
 And, in those accents so familiar here. 
 Will give us its equation, muttering there, 
 jr2+t/2=radius square 1 
 
 Thus, in whatever land our lot be cast, 
 His spectre lives. No, this is not the last. 
 
 Is this the last ? Dear Matthew, can it be 
 That in reality, we ne'er shall see 
 Thy form again ? Oh ! can not this relief 
 Be granted us in our distracting grief? 
 The knowledge that, in near or distant time, 
 Either in this or in some other clime. 
 Our much wept Matthew we again shall greet ? 
 • Oh ! cruel fates ! say not " ye ne'er shall meet." 
 
 Upon the evening breeze a voice is borne 
 That bids us not thus hopelessly to mourn. 
 It says " though fated now that ye must part, 
 Be not cast down, nor lay it thus to heart ; 
 
59 
 
 'For, like to his assymptotes shall ye be 
 And meet him somewhere in infinity ; 
 
 Ashes to ashes do we now entrust 
 
 And breathe this tribute o'er the honored dust. 
 
 Here rests, his head upon the lap of earth, 
 A youth to grateful Juniors now unknown. 
 Dalrymple trained the infant from its birth. 
 Till Duffield fondly claimed it as his own. 
 
 Plain were his problems and his statements clear, 
 But their solution was pronounced a "bore;" 
 Now from his problems we have naught to fear, 
 His great equation solved— his work is o'er. 
 
 No longer seek his frailties to disclose. 
 For they are neither very small nor few; 
 But, undisturbed, permit them to repose. 
 Where they were laid by sorrowing (?) '72. 
 
 When the grave had been dug, the High Priest, Mr. Bishop Srortt, 
 read the following melancholy service amid the tears and bewailings of all 
 assembled : 
 
 Mathematics that is born of a triangle hath but a short time to live and is full of 
 misery. He cometh up, and is cut down like a flower ; he fleeth as it were a shadow, 
 and never eontinueth in our stay. E pluribus Unum, (tears from Tteee). Omnia Gal- 
 lia in tres partes divisa est. Nil habet infelix paupertas durior in se quam quad ridieu- 
 los homines facit. Arma virumque cano Troja (interrupted here by a groan from Stockton). 
 
 Pone Luctum, William Pearson, 
 
 Ex serenus lachrymas ; 
 Non est jam Simonis ccena, 
 Non cur lietum exprimas. 
 Causae mille sunt litandi 
 Causffi mille exultandi 
 Alleuia ! resonas. 
 Vacuus viator coram latrones cantabit. Sic semper tyrannis. ( Jno. Oliver here fell on 
 Frame's shoulders and wiped his eyes on his coat). Quantum suflfieit. Secula seculorum. 
 Germania omnis a Gallis Rhaitisque et Pannoniis Rheno et Danubio fluminbus. Mul- 
 tum in parvo, (here Joe Boyr fainted). Et nunc vale ! tangentque, hypothenuseque 
 parabolaque. Requiesnat in pace. 
 
 "Let the pyre be lighted" said he, and a thin spiral flame shot up like 
 a serpent, which, as the moments went on grew into a bright broad crack- 
 ling flame, The grave diggers dressed in muddy corduroy, greasy hats 
 
6o 
 
 and high top boots, leaned upon their pick axes and gazed mute upon the 
 hissing fii'e. The flames rolled on, hissed and wrapped in their glittering 
 arms the dark sombre coffin which held the sacred remains. They seared 
 and burnt and at last i:>ierced through the texture of the wood and the 
 next instant crackled and hissed in the cold face of the dead on'e enclosed ; 
 every lip was mute and every form immovable, no one uttered a sound, 
 no one raised a hand as the fire swept along the slender form and consum- 
 ed the emaciated countenance. Soon nothing but ashes remained and 
 then the grave digger hollowed out a hole in the ground in which all that 
 was left of poor Matthew was placed. 
 
 Then did the demonstrations of joy begin. Oh what a wild scene ! 
 What grotesque ceremonies ! What wonderful costumes ! What horri- 
 ble ear splitting sounds ! Blasts from tin horns, clangs from anvils, reports 
 from pistols, and the rattling thunder from the "boss fiddle" mingled 
 with shouts and yells and the din of tin pans and sleigh bells. About the 
 mouldering fire leaped and danced the phantastic mourners until the morn- 
 ing light began to dawn over in the Eastern sky, when with a wild un- 
 earthly tumult that could have been heard five miles the crowd disband- 
 ed. Thus did we dispose of Matthew Matics in a manner which did 
 credit to the class and which engendered from all who witnessed the 
 ceremonies the most flattering commendations. 
 
 ITEMS. 
 
 At the opening of the year many new members entered our class, as 
 can be seen by glancing over the rolls at the end of this volume. During 
 the first term the cane rush took place, for which Johnston, Kase, Jew- 
 ell and others were apprehended by the faculty : but it so happened that 
 Johnston was. guiltless and Kase was out of town, consequently the 
 faculty dropped the afi*air and the actual cane rushers escaped uninjured : 
 the fight was a tough one and the palm of victory belonged as much to 
 oiir side as to the other. 
 
 The annual circus came along and the Sophomores hired the clown to 
 call the Freshman Koll. (N. B. It is strongly suspected that these two 
 Sophs were John Oliver and Freddy Duval. ) The leopard spotted 
 clown did his duty, and the Freshman roll was called, to the great chagrin 
 
6i 
 
 of the Freshmen themselves and to the great satisfaction of the inhuman 
 upper classmen. 
 
 Our boys introduced a new feature of imitating the Freshmen, which 
 was to cabbage a Freshman's hat under any cii-cum stances. Alas ! On 
 three consecutive times did I behold one particular Freshman walking 
 home bare headed at night, swearing dismally as he paused here and 
 there under a gaslight. 
 
 Harry Boyle and Will Marr were sent away at the end of first 
 term. 
 
 An indignation meeting was held in Prof. Gruyot's room owing to the 
 report that some member of our class had taken part in hazing a young 
 man at present in college, but nothing special was transacted. 
 
 Will Guernsey and some others organized a boat club with which 
 the following members of '72 were afterward connected: McClintock, 
 Stockton, Jewell, Kase, Devereux, Hazlett, A. Johnson, Tay- 
 lor, W. Pearson. 
 
 Other members also became connected with the club. At present our 
 navy consists of five boats in all and Princeton will soon be regularly rep- 
 resented in the college regattas. 
 
 Dr. Mcllvaine's barn was set on fire by some of our bad com)ianions 
 and entirely consumed. No report ever came from the faculty as to who 
 struck the match and it is probable (?) that the fire resulted from sj'On- 
 taneous combustion. 
 
 Sam Hageman gave a concert in the First Church. 
 
 Twenty-five men picked from the college went to New Brunswick tc 
 contend with twenty-five men at Rutgers at a game of foot-ball. Our 
 men were beaten by a score of 6 to 4. In a few weeks Rutgers returned 
 our visit and were beaten badly. Rutgers did not secure a single game 
 of the eight, that were played, and during the ball season our nine defeat- 
 ed theirs by a score of five to one. 
 
 During the year Prof. Cameron went abroad, and on the eve of his 
 departure the students gave him a serenade, for which the Professor 
 returned many thanks in a neat little address. 
 
 There was a public discussion around the cannon at mid-day concern- 
 ing the Infallibility of the Pope : the debaters were J. Wilson and Jo- 
 seph Boyd. The entire college assembled to hear the debate and both 
 contestants did nobly ; but alas ! they were hustled up before the faculty, 
 
62 
 
 roughly scolded and presented with several disorder marks, as were many 
 of those also who had listened to Joseph and Jay. 
 
 Dr. Mcllvaine, who had been our professor in Elocution accepted a 
 call from a jchurch in Newark, New Jersey, and the chair of belles lettres 
 was left vacant, though not entirely so, for we doubt whether any pro- 
 fessor could have understood our wants or furnished us with such enter- 
 taining instruction as did Tutor Hunt. 
 
 Prof. Packard, who had been elected to fill the Chair of Latin, entered 
 upon his duties during the year, and upon his arrival was warmly wel- 
 comed by the students. 
 
 Prof. Karge too met with the warmest reception, and we doubt whether 
 there is to be found in the country a professor so able, accomplished and 
 enthusiastic, or one that is so patient, practical and popular. 
 
 Captain Bradford went to Trenton to hear Clara Louisa Kellogg 
 during the second term and while Clara Louisa sang the air to "Home, 
 Sweet Home," Captain Brad accompanied her with his deep stirring 
 bass. 
 
 DEATH OP BOYLE AND MARK. 
 
 Never in the history of our lives has an incident occurred which was 
 in itself so tragic, that cast such a gloom over Alma Mater, or that was 
 the means of sending more misery into the hearts of many families as the 
 death of Harry Boyle and Will Marr. 
 
 Long before they entered college, they were our companions and 
 friends, and we never in our life met with more thorough gentlemen, 
 more talented .students, or more generous companions than these, and 
 when enrolled as members of Seventy-Two, in every college campaign they 
 labored for the dignity of their class and the best interests of their class- 
 mates. 
 
 Owing to some little college affair, which, by the way, has never been 
 disclosed, they were sent to Beli-Air, Maryland, under the tutorage of 
 McCalway, a graduate, with whom they remained until the opening of 
 the Christmas terra of Sophomore Year, when Boyle came North with 
 
63 
 
 the intention of spending several weeks with Marr at his home in Mil- 
 ton, Pa. 
 
 About this time kind and enthusiastic letters were sent to us, in which 
 they expressed the expectation of entering their class again at an early 
 date. During their stay at college the intimacy which existed between 
 these two young men was very great, and Marr gave a party to Boyle, 
 but before it was held death came to both. 
 
 Returning from a carriage ride they were obliged to cross a railroad at 
 a point where the road made such an abrupt curve that it was almost 
 impossible to see an approaching train until it was quite near. Upon the 
 day of the sad event there was sent out an extra train, which was not set 
 down upon the time-table, and of which they were ignorant. As they 
 were crossing the track the train struck their carriage. Both were hurled 
 in the air, and in falling Marr's neck was broken, causing instant death. 
 and Boyle was thrown against the curbing, and the top of his head 
 entirely crushed in. 
 
 All this took place within a few yards of Mark's house, and his 
 mother from the parlor window saw her only son murdered. She rushed 
 from the house, and her screams were so piercing and heart-rending that 
 they almost paralyzed those who were carrying her dead boy homeward, 
 and almost caused them to drop the body. 
 
 Boyle lingered for many hours, but seemed entirely unconscious, 
 though his moans were terrible to hear. 
 
 Side by side they laid the dead boys out, and never was there a sadder 
 funeral. 
 
 The blow almost killed Mrs. Marr, and within that room where they 
 were encoffined side by side she permits no one to enter. 
 
In Junior year we take our ease, 
 
 Fol de rol, de rol, rol, rol, 
 We smoke our pipes and sing our glees, 
 
 Fol de rol, de rol, rol, rol. 
 
JUNIOR YEAR. 
 
 PRELUDE. 
 
 From that hour when first we looked through the gloomy windows 
 of the old recitation room and saw the merry Juniors strolHng off to break- 
 fast, while we were forced to sit astride the rough pine benches hungry 
 and sleepy, there seemed to be a charm about Junior year which increased 
 as one class after another went out into the world drawing us nearer to 
 it ; and we even now look back to Junior year as the dearest one of all 
 the four, and as one in which our highest expectations were more than 
 realized. 
 
 Alas ! (or rather) Hurrah ! for the times that have changed ; for the 
 Freshman of to-day knows not the sorrows of the Freshman of yesterday. 
 There are no ^'before 'breakfast'^ recitations now. Fresh and Juniors 
 " chew their bones" side by side in these glorious days ; but there was a 
 time when if a Freshman dared poke his head in the room where Juniors 
 were eating, every plate, bottle and knife upon the table would be hurled 
 at his head. There ivas a time when a Freshman would have suffered 
 expulsion rather than enter the dining room until every Junior had 
 disappeared. Oh Freshman of to-day, you can never wear our glorious 
 scars ; you can never have our noble " crook ;" you can never wear our 
 honorable wrinkles. 
 
 Day after day have wc wrestled with G-reek before sunrise, and after 
 the last verb was conjugated have we crept sullenly to breakfast, where 
 we were forced to content ourselves with the bones which the ravenous 
 Juniors left, and drink our coffee from their cups, and many a time did 
 
66 
 
 we venture to cut recitation and steal secretly in the dining room along 
 with the Juniors, and regularly were we rudely grasped by the head and 
 heels, hustled out in the street, and kicked around like a football. In 
 vain have we plead sickness. 
 
 " Sick, are you !" cried a reckless Junior to us one morning when we 
 were nearly famished — ^^ Sick are you, then you need some medicine," 
 and despite our cries and prayers and kicks the wicked young man forced 
 a cruet of olive oil down our throat. 
 
 We never went to breakfast along with them after that ; but we used to 
 sit upon the stoop outside, and think how we would abuse the Freshmen 
 when we were Juniors, to neutralize the blows we were daily receiving, 
 and just when we were about to carry our designs into execution, the 
 board of trustees abolished the recitation before breakfast, and all our pro- 
 jects were abandoned. But Freshmen and Sophomores and Juniors and 
 Seniors, you have one relic of barbarism left yet, and that is the recitation 
 which takes place immediately after chapel, and when the next year opens 
 petition the board of trustees to abandon it also ; tell them that there is no 
 way in which they could better display their philanthropy, no surer means 
 of obtaining your hearty regard than by simply issuing a decree that no 
 recitation shall be held until nine o'clock ; the regard of so many is 
 certainly worth something, and with the same consideration with which 
 they have heeded you before, they will respond to your petition now. 
 
CHAPTER I. 
 
 Freddy Duval as Mazeppa. 
 
 There was a private concert held one night in Junior year in the lec- 
 ture room of the First Presbyterian Church, and it is a noticeable fact 
 that whenever amateurs appear in a public entertainment, although 
 announcements to the effect are posted upou every store box and tree in 
 town, and although the public are generally expected to attend, still the 
 entertainment is always announced as select and private. 
 
 I doubt whether this entertainment had identified with it that talent 
 which was necessary to make it memorable, and I doubt whether you recall 
 it now as I mention it, but I assure you upon my honor that there 
 was an entertainment and that upon the evening on which it was held, 
 numerous carriages were clustered about the old posts outside, typical 
 of numerous souls clustered around the lecture room within. If you 
 should summon a Freshman and ask him what thing above all others he 
 most dearly loved he would answer : 
 
 " A church entertainment." 
 
 And as he made this reply a smile of such ineffable happiness would 
 flicker across his countenance that yori would feel like arranging a church 
 entertainment simply for the sake of awakening that smile again. 
 
 Should you question further, as indeed that sweet smile would lead 
 you to do, and ask him ichy a church entertainment were so sweet, he 
 would answer : 
 
 "Well, you see the farmers always attend 'em, and while they are 
 listening to the singing within, we look at the teams without, and if we 
 like 'em we jump in and take a ride." 
 
 And then if he were a first-class Freshman, (I mean one of the lively 
 boys who had taken four long vacations at home during the first term) 
 the recollection of many a midnight ride, and of many an infuriated farm- 
 
68 
 
 er, would bring with it such a tide of glorious emotions that he would 
 " get up and cheer." 
 
 The entertainment to which I refer was a good one ; good because it 
 was large, and one in which many of the students took part. Every 
 care was taken to have this entertainment a model one : the posters were 
 printed in nice black ink, and pasted against the trees with nice white 
 paste, applied with a soft brush flourished by an unbleached American ; 
 the tickets were printed in black ink also, and all the male performers 
 had their white vests starched four times in anticipation of the anticipated 
 eve ; it was just the stiffest old entertainment ever held here. To be sure 
 the programme of the evening is now forgotten, for Tmie, confound it, 
 will take the starch out of everything. At about half-past seven that 
 night the farmers' teams began to arrive, and as the evenings were grow- 
 ing chilly, each farmer brought his robe with him. 
 
 When the overture was ended, and the ball set nicely rolling within, 
 a crowd of bad boys so naughty that I'll not state their names, (John 
 Oliver and Frame and Curtis can tell you the names, no doubt,) 
 entered the church enclosure and began to manipulate among the car- 
 riages. - 
 
 One of the fellows obtained a monkey wrench and began to put farm- 
 er A's wagon wheels upon farmer B's axle- trees, and changed the buffalo 
 robes around quite promiscuously. 
 
 After the fellows had propounded material problems sufficient to keep 
 every old farmer busily engaged until daylight in searching for his personal 
 property, and proving that such and such a wheel, and robe and whip 
 was indisputably his own, these naughty boys leaped into a fine looking 
 "rig" and off they went across country at a rate which would have brought 
 tears to the proprietor's eyes and which brought out the most active en- 
 ergetic powers of the noble horse. 
 
 It seems that Freddy Duval, Blake, L. E. Smith & Co. had ob- 
 tained a team, legitimately, upon the same evening, that they might visit 
 a neighboring town in which, in consideration of a stated sum of money, 
 their youthful ideas had been permitted to shoot. Previous to their 
 return the naughty boys drove to the outskirts of Princeton, and since the 
 horse had done good service to them, they upon their part decided to do 
 good service to the horse and accordingly they detached him from the 
 
69 
 
 vehicle and slapping him familiarly upon the rump let him wander, har- 
 ness clad, wherever his own fancy might lead him to stray. 
 
 Freddy Duval roomed, in those days upon the ground floor of East 
 College and we know not for what reason, the gentle steed wandered to 
 East and as there was no door to prevent, walked in the entry. 
 
 When Freddy and his crowd drew up in front of East College, 
 Freddy told Patterson, a Senior, to go in his room and light his lamp. 
 Presently Freddy himself went in the entry leading to his room and ran 
 against the gentle quadruped. 
 
 " Oh go on Patterson, and stop your foolin' " cried Freddy, sup- 
 posing the brute to be his companion. 
 
 Freddy received no answer to his command, whereupon he again 
 vociferated in those deep tones so peculiarly his own. 
 
 " Say, old fellow, you can't fool me : Oh come now, confound it, I'm 
 cold, go on !" 
 
 Still no answer. 
 
 "Say, Patterson," continued Freddy, "what's the use, I know 
 you, I know just exactly who you are, come let's go in the room." 
 
 No answer still, whereupon Freddy becomes a little incensed and 
 cries : 
 
 " By gracious, Patterson, I'll give you an old rousin' kick if you 
 don't go on ; come now this is becoming played out." 
 
 Still no reply and Freddy becomes alarmed and speaks patronizingly, 
 
 " Say, Pat, are you sick? Tell me what I can do for you. Don't 
 take any account of what I said, I didn't mean anything." 
 
 Freddy in reaching out his hand came in contact with the tail of the 
 animal and knowing that Patterson had no beard, he continued : 
 
 " Oh I beg yo\xT par do7i, sir, I thought you were Mr. Patterson, I 
 did really. Don't see how in the world I come to make such a mistake. 
 Beg your pardon sir, give us your hand. ' ' 
 
 The horse by this time had made up his mind that he had endured 
 about as much as could be reasonably expected and suddenly stretched 
 out, and Freddy came pretty nearly stretching out too. 
 
 Whereupon Freddy discovered that the person interrupting the 
 passage to his room to be a brute, and was just about to act philanthropic, 
 when unfortunately for him, the owner of the horse accompanied with 
 
70 
 
 tha Mayor and Common Council, the SheriflF and the Constable and our 
 immaculate Marshal appeared upon the scene with gleaming lanterns 
 and Freddy was accused of stealing the brute. 
 
 Freddy was astounded, and manfully asserted his innocence. A 
 tremendous scene followed which aroused the college and the fellows 
 kept Freddy from being torn from limb to limb by the hungry protectors 
 of the law, who believe to this day that Freddy Duval stole that horse 
 and that he meant to hide it under his bed during the day, that he might 
 take a constitutional ride every night. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 Logan, Phrenologist and Pugilist. 
 
 Mr. Logan was a modest man. Unlike Dr. Hamlin he did not enter 
 town with a grand chariot and a gigantic brass band, unlike Dr. Hamlin 
 he had no oil to sell, no cures to effect, no tumors to remove, and yet 
 with all his modesty Logan was a greater man than the doctor. 
 
 Logan could not heal the man after he had received the wound, but 
 Logan possessed the subtle power of painting out to each one those paths 
 in which he could walk without incurring any disease that would call 
 upon the healing properties of the " wizard oil," hence I say again that 
 the doctor in all his greatness, was not one-half so great as the hero of 
 this chapter. 
 
 All the hidden secrets of mankind, their capabilities, their destinies 
 as well as their projects and schemes, the great Logan held in his own 
 hand. Grive him a hold of your head, let his nimble fingers wander among 
 your ringlets and he would tell you all that you had ever done, all that 
 you thought about doing, and everything that it would be lest for you to do. 
 
 Logan was vl- phrenologist and there wasn't a great head in the country 
 that he had not thoroughly explored. The Queen of England, the Presi- 
 dent of the United States, Horace Greeley and Susan B. Anthony all 
 testified to the wonderful research and erudition of the erudite professor. 
 
 Why gentlemen, that man had examined enough bumps to pave all 
 New Yoi'k, and indeed the country could not point to a more accomplish- 
 ed man than this astonishing phrenologist. 
 
 His first lecture was to be free ; the admission to the second one was 
 to be 10 cents ; the admission to the third was to be 20 cents ; to the 
 fourth 30 cents, and so he was to continue until the last lecture should 
 become so extravagant that no one could afford to attend, when Logan 
 would vacate the premises for a wealthier sphere. 
 
72 
 
 ' ' Gentlemen, said he, I never praise myself, but by the time I have 
 arrived at my 15th lecture, your minds will be so aroused, your interest 
 in phrenology will be so intense, and your veneration for the science so 
 great, that you will cry for more, more. 
 
 When I was about to leave the last town in which I lectured, a com- 
 mittee of the citizens headed by the Mayor and Common Council met me 
 at the railway depot and begged me to remain ; in vain I plead that an 
 ignorant country was beyond, which pleadingly cried for my advent ; in 
 vain I told them that my stay among them would confine to one neigh- 
 borhood, the great science destined to be the guiding star of all mankind, 
 in vain I mentioned the loving wife and sweet child miles and miles away 
 praying for my return : they were inexorable ; they were insane, they 
 would heed no threat, they would give ear to no prayer, but they clung 
 to the skirts of my garments, they individually besought me a hair of my 
 head ; my handkerchief was torn in shreds, the young ladies cabbaged my 
 umbrella, and divided it in apron strings, the mayor grasped my cravat, 
 while the common council fell into my bosom and tore the tails from my 
 coat. Ah, gentlemen, never was a human being the recipient of such an 
 ovation before, never was the love of science so enthusiastically portrayed. 
 Hundreds of bumps have passed under these ten fingers, and each bump 
 was the seat of some human sentiment, passion or emotion ; in some par- 
 ticular bump was the grand problem of human success completely solved ; 
 the aims of every man, his passions, his follies and his faults lie under 
 the confines of his old slouch hat, and gentlemen I told them all what 
 they could do with most pleasing results, What I did for them, that 
 will I do for you ; and their tribute to my erudition vrill in turn be given 
 by yourselves. 
 
 And what do I request ?* Do I come asking you to accede to an ex- 
 travagant demand ? Do I come amid the roll of drums and the clangor of 
 horns hke the charletan and the quack to play with the vital functions of 
 life with a beastly onguent that will ultimately render existence a curse? 
 No sir, but I came as a disciple of science, and as a devotee of that sci- 
 ence which holds in its hands the key of life, the secret of success ; come 
 to my first lecture free. Eloquence, the sunshine of science, hke light the 
 sunshine of Heaven should be free, and I freely give you as much elo- 
 quence as Nature has freely given to me. Come, come, rain or shine, 
 
n 
 
 for my agent will have opera glasses and umbrellas for sale or to hire at 
 reasonable terms. ' ' 
 
 We listened as the man in tattered garments spoke : 
 
 " His clothes were rags ; his beard was all unshorn, 
 And like a vulture's talon was his hand." 
 
 He stood in the pale moonlight, and the boughs of the trees sweeping 
 down, almost touched his matted locks as though Nature were courtesying 
 to the unfolder of her laws. He was a tall man, and his arms when rest- 
 ing by his side almost touched his knees, and his fingers were constantly 
 moving as though there were unseen bumps in the very atmosphere about 
 them. His face was haggard and care worn, and his body was like that 
 of a man who had suffered a scarcity of things to eat ; his mouth was 
 large as though stretched and widened by a constant longing for something 
 palatable, and when he smiled the corners of that mouth seemed to rain 
 each side ot his head which gave his face an appearance identical with 
 that of the crescent of Granada. 
 
 Well the boys went down to hear him upon the following night ; the 
 interest was intenKe, although the hall was dimly lighted. Upon the 
 rostrum rested a table and upon the table a single skull, and a pair of leg 
 bones, while behind the table stood the great Logan himself. 
 
 The Professor was absent minded, evidently, for during the evening, 
 the skull which he first assured us formerly belonged to John Bunyan, 
 became in turn the skull of William Tell, Captain Semmes and Horace 
 Greeley, and the bone which was first the property of Patrick Henry, 
 became eventually the property of Mary Queen of Scots. 
 
 Now SMC^ assertions wouldn't go down. We were willing to be im- 
 posed upon ; but we didn't care to have Horace Greeley insulted, and so 
 the professor was informed that if he didn't "grind" better than that, 
 we would proceed to grind, ourselves. Hereupon the professor bright- 
 ened up a little, and things went along very well, until picking up that 
 same old skull he assured us that about it once hung the face of John 
 Smith. 
 
 Our endurance gave out, and a committee previously appointed, per- 
 formed an overture upon tin horns. The professor became excited and 
 said he could thrash the biggest man in the crowd: the horn overture 
 continued, the lights were extinguished, while in the confusion and dark- 
 ness which ensued, a reckless Sophomore upset the phrenologist and run 
 
74 
 
 off with the skull of John Bunyan, Captain Seinmes, Horace Greeley 
 and John Smith. The bone of Patrick Henry and Mary Queen of Scots 
 now hangs in the room of that same gentleman. No words of mine can 
 describe that awful scene, but in the rush the professor escaped and noth- 
 ing more was seen of him that night. 
 
 On the next evening he was to deliver his ten cent lecture, and about 
 ihree hundred students formed in line and marched to the place where 
 the lecture was to be held. Strange to say the hall was dark and the 
 doors were barricaded. Where had the professor gone ? 
 
 " Let's go to the depot" some one shouted and away the crowd rushed- 
 There they found the professor, and gave him a lively mill. 
 
 He became fearfully excited and insisted upon killing some one, he 
 drew his revolver, when a student standing behind caught him and carried 
 him out of the depot. From the platform of the car he called us thieves, 
 murderers and liars, just as the whistle sounded, and the train moved off. 
 We gave him three hearty cheers, as the philanthropic train whirled him 
 out of town. 
 
 ITEMS. 
 
 Perhaps it is safe to say that there has not taken place since our Jun- 
 ior Orator contest, one in which such a general interest was excited. The 
 attention of the entire college was aroused, and heavy bets were made 
 concerning its final issue. Both halls were in session until after midnight. 
 The following decisions, (the most .'-atisfactory and impartial that could 
 have been made) was repoited by the committee : 
 
 Whigs. Olios. 
 
 Atwater, Berry, 
 
 Wilson, Daniels, 
 
 Martin, Murray, 
 
 Lane, Duval. 
 
 Below we append the speeches delivered at the annual exhibition : 
 
 Atwater, Professional, Integrity. 
 
 Berey, Jonathan Edwards. 
 
 Martin, The Education of Shakspeare. 
 
 Daniels, John Bright. 
 
 Lane, Duties of the True Citizen. 
 
 Murray, The World's True Heroes. 
 
 Wilson, Principles : not Men. 
 
 Duval, Integral Character. 
 
75 
 
 Prizes were awarded to the following gentlemen : 
 
 Daniels and Lane, 1st prize. 
 
 Martin and Berry, 2d prize - 
 
 M ALLOT and Magee went after apples and a scene ensued like that 
 in which " o^ir grape pickers'^ figured. 
 
 Dickinson Hall was dedicated Oct. 27, 1871. 
 
 The bell rope was tied, -ind morning chapel was 20 minutes late Oct. 
 29. 
 
 During Junior year the Japanese princes arrived, and have since be- 
 come very popular. 
 
 The bearded woman, big man and " double caputted gal" gave a show 
 and excited considerable wonder. 
 
 The number of students so greatlj' increased that our class was hustled 
 away up along side of chapel stage, right under the noses of the venera- 
 ble doctors. 
 
 The new organ was tried for the first time by professionals who gave 
 a concert in the college chapel. The concert was a success. 
 
 The glass-blowers gave an entertainment which was largely attended. 
 
 Our exhibition in gymnastics was held Feb. 18, 1871 for the benefit 
 of the ball club, and a large profit was realized. 
 
 John Vandyke became celebrated as a philanthropist by publishing 
 his translation of Cicero's Letters, which was called " The Aid, devoted 
 exclusively to the elucidation of Roman Literature. 
 
 The College World, a fortnightly journal, was issued, but though its 
 editors did all in their power to promote its excellence, their efforts met 
 with so little recognition that the paper was discontinued after 8 numbers. 
 
 Alice Grilmore's female minstrels drew the largest house ever assembled 
 in Princeton. 
 
 Two hundred students refused to attend recitation upon Washington's 
 birthday. 
 
 College suspended on account of small pox, March 28, '71. 
 
 Fire at Queenston, and upon the same evening Bailey's stable took 
 fire. Our class put the fire out. 
 
 At the commencement of '71, during our Junior year, Pres. Grant, 
 Sec. Belknap, Robeson, Gen. Blair, and many other distinguished persons 
 were present. 
 
COUNSEL. 
 
 ' If thou dost bid thy friend farewell, 
 
 But for one night though that farewell may be, 
 Press thou his palm with thine. How canst thou tell 
 How far from thee, 
 
 Fate or caprice may lead his feet 
 
 Ere that to-morrow comes ? Men have been known 
 To lightly turn the corner of a street, 
 And days have grown, 
 
 To months, and months to lagging years. 
 
 Before they looked in loving eyes again. 
 Parting at best is underlaid with tears— 
 With tears and pain. 
 
 Therefore, lest sudden death should come between. 
 
 Or time or distance, clasp with pressure true 
 The hand of him who goeth forth ; unseen. 
 Fate goeth too ! 
 
 Yea, find thou always time to say 
 
 Some earnest word between the idle talk ; 
 Lest with thee henceforth, ever, night and day. 
 Regret should walk." 
 
SENIOR YEAR. 
 
 PRELUDE. 
 
 From the time we first entered college our life has been one of constant 
 discontent ; we have longed to step higher, that we might the sooner 
 reach the confines of that busy throbbing world without. 
 
 We have reached it at last, and it has come quickly ; the next advance 
 carries us from these scenes, and leaves us miles away from those we love. 
 We don't have any of that feeling of pride which we presumed we would 
 display when we were grave and reverend Seniors. Ben Reynolds wears 
 the same old mustache mentioned in the prelude of Freshman year ; Rip 
 Van Winkle Loder slumbers during every lecture just the same as he 
 always did, and Andrew McClintock utters the same miserable old 
 conundrums. The threshold of the chapel as of old seldom, feels the pres- 
 sure of Bishop Shortt's feet; John Woodruff and Joe Woods box 
 in the back seats more enthusiastically than ever, for constant practice 
 has given them that proficiency which knocks Cotton Wilson "clear 
 out of time. ' ' 
 
 Joe Boyd insists upon giving instruction to all the professors as usual, 
 and still retains his sympathy for the "miserable house of Stuarts." 
 For three years he has been trying to learn " Old Hundred," but hangs 
 upon tbe scale, and sprains his ancles over the bars as of yore. BiLLY 
 Guernsey runs out and in the lecture room with the same imperturbable 
 gravity as that which has reposed upon his countenance ever since he 
 learned that he was related to Thomas Jefferson ; Warren Shortt plays 
 the same old tune upon the same old flute ; the only change that has 
 
7^ 
 
 taken place is shown in Captain Brad's love for History of Philosophy, 
 and Lewis Dew art's inordinate affection for Homer. 
 
 How strange it seems ! Why we imagined we would be ever so large 
 when we once arrived at Senior year, and here, confound it, I havn't 
 increased an inch nor gained a pound. We thought the Freshmen would 
 bow their heads and touch their hats when we passed along, but on the 
 contrary, they call us Bill and Jack and Tom just as if we were Freshmen 
 and they were Seniors. The professors hammer and knock us around 
 as loosely as they did in the by gone days of fires and horn sprees. They 
 do not seem to realize our greatness, but yank us up before their dismal 
 tribunal, as we used to yank the shivering Freshmen out of their beds 
 when we were gay and festive Sophomores. Alas, we awake from our 
 slumbers surprised upon not finding the realization of our dreams. 
 Have things changed, or was it our fancy that painted in such glowing 
 colors the scenes of Senior year ? 
 
 Here we are, upon the last stage of the college course ; we stand in 
 the pathway for which we have been longing four years, and now we 
 actually feel sad. We would rather be stately Juniors, for then we would 
 have something in anticipation. Alas! we take no enthusiasm in any- 
 thing ; we count the days, dust our old valises, and examine the time 
 table to ascertain the earliest possible moment we can get out of this. 
 
 We are tired, and the old faculty has actually discharged the boot 
 black, and won't let us sell our rooms. Senior year is by no means a 
 success ; it's on the contrary a humbug, and we have to "get up and dust' ' 
 for our degrees. Alas ! our anticipations have befooled us, and we stand 
 trembling before the door leading us out into the world. 
 
 The Historian feels that he has published in this volume, all that will 
 
 interest his class. He has omitted all rolls, ephemeral topics and dry 
 
 detail, which would have simply annoyed him, and greatly impaired the 
 
 appearance of this book. The Class Day Herald will contain all that is 
 
 herein omitted, and your historian begs that you will write to him during 
 
 January, 1873, stating your affairs and your intended employments so that 
 
 the appearance of the second volume of this history may not be delayed. 
 
 We most earnestly heg that this request he fully complied with. In writing 
 
 please address 
 
 Karl Kase, 
 
 Newark, New Jersey. 
 
ITEMS 
 
 The news of Gib Badeau's marriage and of his unbounded happiness 
 was confirmed. We congratulate him and expect, if that girl don't go 
 back on us to do the same. 
 
 Japanese embassadors came to see the two princes Kow and Yamaoka. 
 Kow and Yamaoka were glad, very glad. 
 
 G-rand election for Class Day officers; intense interest was excited; 
 electioneering was constant. Great enthusiasm abounded when the fol- 
 lowing result was announced, after a meeting three hours long. 
 
 Joe Woods, Master of Ceremonies. 
 
 John Davis, Class Orator. 
 
 D. Decker, Poet. 
 
 Warren Shortt, Library Orator. 
 
 Lou Dewart, Ivy Orator. 
 
 Jay Wilson, Presentation Orator. 
 
 Karl Kase, (elected in Fresh Year,) Historian. 
 
 committee. 
 S. E. Ewing, Chairman. 
 Belville, Taylor, 
 
 Dayton, ' Billy Pearson, 
 
 B. Chambers, Bradford. 
 
 editors of herald. 
 
 J. Walker, Frame, 
 
 H. Vandyke, W. Johnson. 
 
 Howell was elected Class Photographer after a sharp debate. 
 
 A mock trial was held in which Walker was accused of stealing a 
 horse. The man who made the charge was Bishop Shortt, who declar- 
 ed that the horse had a white head and a blue tail, whereupon the judge 
 
8o 
 
 said that no such horse ever existed ; upon further investigation, Mr. 
 Shortt said the nag had only three legs, and the judge replied that a 
 horse to be a horse must have four legs, and a horse with three legs was a 
 lie, 'cause he was no horse at all, and that since Mr. Walker had not 
 stolen a whole horse, and since the indictment said that he had, the 
 indictment was as miserable as the horse, and in no wise affected the lib- 
 erty of the gentleman accused. 
 
 Pryor's death caused gi'eat grief, and cast a gloom over the entire col- 
 lege. He was buried here and his funeral was largely attended. There 
 is a mystery connected with his death that has never been cleared up. 
 
 KasEy's alligator arrived during the first term, and Kasey would 
 like to know where that alligator has gone now. 
 
 Our chapel stage speeches were spoken of as superior to those given 
 by former classes. 
 
 Thanksgiving day was quiet, most of the fellows insisting upon giving 
 thanks in some other town than in Princeton. 
 
 We held a bogus election in which Martin was the Republican can- 
 didate, and Kase the Democratic. Martin was elected, and speeches 
 were made in the evening around a blazing bon fire, the '^nigger'''' band 
 furnishing music. 
 
 Dr. Atwater was serenaded in his new mansion and made in response 
 a graceful speech. 
 
 Bishop Shortt announced himself leader of the nigger band, that 
 played for the division in which he was enrolled. 
 
 Black Swan sung in Witherspoon street. 
 
 French can-can troupe gave an entertainment in Cook's hall. Some 
 one had previously put a partition in the chimney, and smoking was con- 
 sequently allowed. 
 
 Warren Shortt advertised for a man who could read his Whig Hall 
 diploma ; the man has never been found. 
 
 All the class handed in the question concerning the Alabama Claims 
 as a subject for Senior graduating speeches ; the subject by lottery fell to 
 Clarence Lane. 
 
 Washington's birth day was celebrated with appropriate ceremonies, 
 Daniels spoke and T. Johnston read the Declaration of Independence ; 
 other classes also took part. 
 
Gumpton Cute gave a lecture ; no one attended. 
 Great excitement in Prof. Hart's recitation ; Boyd, DeVereux and 
 Lalor were unfortunate in the finale. 
 
 At the end of 2d term the following gentlemen graduated : 
 Walker, Berry, Graham, 
 
 Baker, Birnib, ■ McCaslin. 
 
 Hart, Magee, 
 
 The Historian finds that his heroes have become so moral that no 
 sprees have occurred this year. 
 
VALEDICTORY. 
 
 The last chapter of the history is ended, and your historian's work is 
 done, but ere he closes his diary, and casts aside his pen, he would speak 
 a few words, for,^ithin his heart steals the conviction that his classmates 
 are assembled before him for the last time, and that never, never again 
 will they all be within the hearing of his voice. 
 
 We who have lived so long together, must spend the remainder of our 
 lives apart ; and those with whom we will be hereafter associated, are 
 strangers. They're funny fellows, strangers are, they always act contrary 
 to your anticipations, and in direct opposition to the manner in which you, 
 under similar circumstances are sure you would act yourselves. They 
 always appear to be the opposite of what they really are, and the best 
 thing for us to do when we meet a stranger is to take it for granted that 
 he is standing upon his head, because if we do not, we, in a remarkably 
 short space of time, will be standing that way ourselves. 
 
 Our history as a class is finished, our histories as individuals now 
 begin, and as we stand thus midway between the old life which has been 
 so dear, and the new life of which we know so little, the emotions which 
 fill our hearts are unutterable, and not within our power to pronounce. 
 
 We are about to part ; we have made our last " stump,'' we have had 
 our full allowance of ^^ last probations" and ^^ disorder marks," we will 
 " cut" no more, for between us and those unknown regions in which we 
 will hereafter figure, lies but a single day, and as little children turned 
 from the nursery, so Alma Mater turns us out into the world. 
 
 The songs of the past break melodiously upon our ears ; bright mem- 
 ories of days gone by live fresh within our hearts ; we can recall all our 
 absent companions, and remember every scene in which they figured, and 
 just now when our happiness is most complete, the hand upon the dial is 
 silently nearing the parting hour. A feeling of inexpressible sadness 
 
S3 
 
 creeps over us ; strange passions, sentiments and emotions struggle for 
 utterance, yet, we feel, that the dark mysterious future has within it, 
 an hour whose sadness will be more unutterable still. 
 
 For behold, for the first time we stand alone ; Alma Mater leaves us 
 to finish the work which with her we began, and what our friends have 
 so long been doing for us, we must now do for ourselves ; we are upon 
 the boundaries of a new world, the curtain has not yet been raised, but 
 strange sounds break upon our ears ; strange voices speak in accents 
 which we cannot understand ; we are confused, perplexed, dazzled, there 
 are passions in our hearts which we never felt before ; we are eager to 
 see the curtain lifted ; we long to enter upon that busy world which holds 
 our destinies, and in which rests our fortunes ; we are proud to begin a 
 race when so many are looking upon us as we cross the score, and we long 
 to test pur power, as infants are pleased to test their strength ; though we 
 feel sad when leaving our companions, we, in our boyish enthusiasm, look 
 upon the future as dearer, brighter than even the past. 
 
 But there will come a time when we will cease to look forward, and 
 begin to look back : it will be when success has crowned our efibrts, or 
 when disappointments have so overwhelmed our hearts that they can 
 struggle no more. 
 
 How will it be then ? don't think I am going to answer the question 1 
 how could I answer it ? but I believe that our thoughts will wander here, 
 and that we will recall this very scene, this very hour when, for the last 
 time, we were all together. 
 
 I do not wish upon this joyful occasion to intrude any gloomy thoughts 
 of my own, but when we are scattered to other lands, and when letters 
 come to your historian of your aims, and your successes, the contrast 
 between these letters, 1 fear, will be very great. 
 
 I have said all I care to ; it would have been better perhaps had I 
 not spoken at all ; but when hands are clasped and farewells spoken, when 
 we go out as little children in the dark, let us remember, the brightest star 
 is farthest away, and that to reach it we must pass through many hard- 
 ships, and turn our backs upon many a false light. 
 
 Let us not expect too much, let us not hope to gain success in a single 
 day ; let us not think Heaven unkind because all we seek comes not the 
 same hour in which it is asked. Little by little our lives run out ; and 
 
84 
 
 it is not by leaps but with slow unwavering steps that men obtain honor 
 and fame. 
 
 It is well to be serious sometimes, and as we leave behind us these 
 happy scenes, as we part from our dear friends, and as we enter upon 
 those paths leading we scarcely know where, let us lift our hands upward 
 and give utterance to Proctor's beautiful prayer, perhaps the most earnest 
 and christian-like plea in our langu age : 
 
 I do not ask, Oh Lord, that life should be 
 
 A pleasant road : 
 I do not ask that Thou wouldst take from me 
 
 Aught of its load. 
 
 I do not ask that flowers should always spring 
 
 Beneath my feet : 
 I know too well the poison and the sting 
 
 Of things too sweet. 
 
 I do not ask my Cross to understand, 
 
 My way to see : 
 Better in darkness just to feel Thy hand, 
 
 And follow Thee. 
 
 For one thing, only, Lord, dear Lord, I plead, 
 
 Lead me aright, 
 Though strength should falter, and though heart should bleed. 
 
 Through Peace, to Light. 
 
 Classmates ! all that you have given me to do has been finished, 'and 
 there is nothing more for me to say except Farewell^ may you all live and 
 flourish long after this history is forgotten, and the lips of your historian 
 are mute.