635 - Vox ex Vinculis. opy 1 QUEEN OF THE LOBBY I I AN INCIDENT IN ONE ACT. BY eU)AI[^ DUBOIS. NEW YORK, 1896. I RULE ( Vox ex Vinculis. QUEEN OF THE LOBBY AN INCIDENT IN ONE ACT. BY ebAlf^ ©UBOIS. NEA?V YORK, 1886. r«*=96-007204 QUEEN OF THE LOBBY. Characters Represented . GUY DEVLIK, a Millionaire. ME. EUSTACE, of California. THIMBLE, STRADDLE, BUNCUM, } Conoressmen. DODO, SULLEN, DOMINGO, a Colored Servant. LA BARONNE de la MUSCADINE. MARCELLE, a Maid. All Bights Reserved. QUEEN OF THE LOBBY. I^cene: An elegant room in a Washington HoteL Rear door gives on to a hall; door to L. leads to a private room; second door to L. a stairway; door to R. a '^Study,-^ or Library; a des/c also to R. — hetiveen it and tlie uxill a chair, and a screen concealing a safe. CJiairs, sofa, etc. As curtain rises, Domingo and Ma reel le enter — the latter reading a letter. Mar. No mistake, Monsieur Domingo. Here is an ordaire from Madame for you to prepare one grand snppaire in No. 16, after twelve o'clock to- night. Dom. Twelve o'clock. That means washing the dishes at sunrise. I would like to be able to go to bed before three in the morning for once, Just to see how it feels to sleep in the dark. Mar. Madame indeed do lead everybody one lively ^^train." I wonder why she have so much "societe." Dom. Because she is a lady of quality, no doubt. Mar. Qualite — by marriage seulement. She was one ordinary Americaine till she epousait the Baron cle la Muscadine, who left her after spend- ing all her "monaie." Enter TMmhle. Dom. But lie couldn't spend her wits, for, thanks to them, she is rich again, and can afford a Duke the next time. Moses — Thim. I hope I don't intrude, but may I ask if this is the apartment of the Baronness de la Mus- cadine ? Doni. It is, but the lady is out at present. Tlilni. How unfortunate — you w^on't mind if I remain till she comes in. Pll make myself per- fectly comfortable in this eas^^-chair — looking over the pictures in these albums. Don't be uneasy — ■ the furniture will be safe. ][((}'. Yixt a drole man. Doni. That's not a man, but a Congressman. Mar. Y'cit is a Congressman? DouL An individual who may have been a man before he got to Congress. For all he says, you keep an eye on this room whilst I am getting up that supper. Mar. I vill, and a cat's eye at zat. [Ejoeunt,] Thiiii. [Risiiifi spi'jjlij- -Kis'.siiuf a liofc] A note — deliglitfully perfumed — and the Avords, "come and see me to-night, after the Opera." It has but one meaning — I have made a mash on the bright- est w^oman in Washington. Pitiful, but not strange — I have always been a regular cj^clone among the ladies. Enter Straddte — [Radiant, and as fantastically dressed.] ^Strad. [Reading a ufjte.] "Meet me this even- ing, after" [Dances in deUglit.] Hurrah! De- licious ! I saw it coming for some time, however — when I got up to speak yesterday in the House she sniggered. Why should she snigger? To con- ceal the tumult I excited in her soul. Oh, Strad- dle, Straddle, you are a primrose. By all that's hideous — Thlm. Straddle! StracL Thimble! Tliim. This is a surprise. Strad. Not altogether a pleasant one. Thini. I agree with you. ^trad. What are you doing here? Thini. That is the very question I was going to ask you. Strad. Come now, I hope you'll listen to reasop. I haye business with the Baronness. Thlm. So have I. Strad. Mine's important. Thlm. Mine is more so. ^t}-(id. It could not be. I do not wash to argue, but I've evidence that when her ladyship arrives 3 our presence Avill be an impertinence. [^Sltoivs note.] What do you say to that? Thini. [Aside.] A note, perfumed — word for word with my own — Strad. This closes the debate, doesn't it? Thini. I must own I am at a loss — to — Strad. Why, it is as clear as moonshine — the Baronness is quite susceptible, and as her opinion of me is that of nw looking-glass — Enter Bunenm. Bun. [fTJeefifUi/.] "From the icy minarets of Alaska to the emerald everglades of Florida"- tZ "T"' ^'7'"'' """ ^'^""'"«J perdition! I mm. \\ e re-echo the sentiment onf hLe.'''""' "'""' ''^ ""* ""P^^* t« fl'^d any- ruptef '^"' "" '"' "^" •'^^P^^'* *« be inter- crfaSg. '^""'-"-""^ ^'^« interruption is none of my _^ Thm. You would hare some difficulty to prove «^'v,rf. I fail to see the connection. riotrio sell?!'*'''' '" ''"" "^"" ^*^"^^' «^^ 1^^« « iignt To select her own guests. Thim. That is self-evident. B,w Well, in this instance it happens I am a selected guest-in fact, the selected guest! When I show you my credentials, I hope an annenl fn your delicacy wil, be a m,ffldent in imatfri on >^tia(l. [Fvrioii.s.] Well, I'll be— Thm. [Aside.] Worse and worse «S^r«f/. What can this signify^ Bm,. I can't .say, really. All I know is, the lady has continental ideas, and as I have aLv^ cerTed-'"'''' '""^"^^^ ''"'''' «- -- ^ -- Enter MarceUe. Mar. Madame la Barone. v^^^^ . Bun. [Very airyj] Ah! Ah! [Straddle and 9 Tli'uhhlc (JO to <)}((' side disconifited and si/mpathize tvith one another. Enter the Baron ness — in opera costume — reading a telegram, ^^he Is absorbed, and sees no one.] Bar. ''Accident — delay — Avill not be able to reach AA'anhington before inidniolit — Unv Devlin." How proAxrking, Matters critical, and I so need his assistance — \Glaners at the clock.] One hour to wait — Ah! the tenderloins are here — let me put that honr to i>ood use. [Conrtesies.] Gentlemen. Bun. Your servants, Baronness. Bar. I am sorry I did not see you before. You received the notes ? Bun. Yes, I received tJie note. Here it is. [Aside to the others] Excuse yourselves and go. Can't you take a hint? Bar. And you two? Strad. Here is mine.. [Buncum sta(/(/frs.] Thim. And mine. [>^trad. For cheek unvarnished Bun. Oh, these women, these women [All three exeunt hvto the study in great rage.] Bar. A good pen for the cattle. Now let me see— let me see.— I declare, I believe that window IS open— [G^oe^ a^id looks out.] How grand the Capitol looks in the distance. Grand, indeed— once the temple, but fast becoming the Mauso- leum of the Eepublic. And the stars— how brightly they are shining. Perhaps my little Natalie, in her convent home, is looking up at them now, and wondering who— who her mother is. [Closes window, comes aicai/—4aJces of her bon~ net, cloak, etc] My Natalie. I have no right to thmk of you— for I have ceased to have a heart.— Marcelle ! E}iter Marcelle. Mar. Madame! Bar. Take these wraps and put them away. [Exit Marcelle, hut returns in a short while. Baron- ness looks over risitlng cards on the table.] I notice here one card— Mr. Eustace, of California. When did he call? Mar. About an hour after Madame left for ze ^^Theatre.'' Bar. Did he leave auy word? Mar. Yes, Madame— that he would call a<>ain Bar. When? Mar. To-night. Bar. [Aside.] Oh, this Puritan ! I wonder what his business is. I gravely suspect it relates to the Grinding Bill. Steps? Marcelle. Mar. It is one more, Monsieur — 11 JJntcr >^Hlh'n. B(ir. All! — that Avill do for the present. [Eijoit MarccUr, irith more n-raps.] Mr. Sullen, this is a pleasure. aV?(/. [He /.S' tJiiii, white, angular, with a dark, Jong, fierce tnoustaeJie.] You can play yonr part to per- fection. Bar. Sour humor to-day. ^>^^fJ. Good reason. Bar. Why? SuL I don't like bad treatment. Bar. Neither should I. Sul. Then why do you inflict it? Ba)'. Sullen! ^S'ul. I got your note. Bar. It made you mad? l>>ul. It threw me into raptures. I kissed it — I hugged it — I danced about the room. But sud- denh^ the floor of my heaven gave way — a knock came to the door. Who do you think it was? Bar. No idea. SuL Dodo. Bar. I sympathize with you. ^((l. Now if there's an^^bod}' I despise, it is Dodo. Bar. That shows 3^our good sense. Sul. That was bad enough. Bar. It could hardly be worse. ^^at. But judge of my horror — when he began to racket about as I had been doing, and ended up by showing me — ^ Bar. What? ^^ul. Also a. note from vou. 12 Bar. Oh! he got l.i.s the„-I a,n so «lad. ^nl [Frenzied] Glad! '' Bar. Yes! I hope you bronglit him along. '>"/. No, he came along. Bar. Where is he? >Jitl. Down stairs-iu the bar-room. ^>r. I might have known that-I'll send for lea!tWltl-f°" 7f-r^'-'''-^"^'".'/ /*er]-Not at least till I know what yon meant by— ' nottL r' '"'''-'''-'''^ explanation is simple. I notiaed five eminent Congressmen to come here this evening and consnit with me on an important bit of legislation. Dodo and yonrself were of the number— that is all. ^ *V«/. So others are expected here too' Bar. They are here already tni^'\ ^'°";"'^«'!t "o^'i'ig of a more tender na- tme-yo„ did not intend to convey the fact-I had impressed ,vou-that yon were readv to welcome m.y attentions-that yon-vo„- ' '''^'^^'"e Bar. [Haiiiihtilji.] Sir! ' S,a. No use to pose like that-vou deceitful woman-pretend to say you never encouraged me -that you never smiled when I passed-never sqiK^zed my hand when we met-never k eked m,v foot under the table? I can bring witi^s^e^ to prove what I say. Everybodv has remarked your leaning towards me-my friends have been chaffing me about it, even-much as I have been able to do to keep it out of the newspaperl wfshin.fon'^.,'"'" • ^''''' ™"^* ^^ 2,000 fools in Washington this minute, who imagine they have the same complaint to make as vourself 18 8nL Yes, but I am oue of the fools who have taken you seriously, and I don't propose — Bar. [Tapping Mni iriih a fa/ii.] Poor fellow! do you love me, then? Sill. [FalUiif/ on o)ie knee.] Oh! Baronness. Bar. I must forbid this — carpets are expen- sive. Besides, there is another objection to my listening to any advances of this kind. Sul. Which is — Bar. YTm are a married man. l^^ul. What difference should that make? Bar. Thank you for your nice opinion of me. A great deal of difference. 1 have been a pretty black sheep, and have broken all the command- ments, I confess, except — ."^ul. What? Bar. The one in the middle. Hnl. If that be all that divides us — Bar. Oh, but there is another obstacle, still. *s'/^/. For example — Ba): You could never support a fifty -thousand dollar woman on a ^ye thousand dollar salary. tSifl. IIoAV do you know I couldn't? Bar. Because you can hardly support yourself on it. Let us see — you owe |60.17 to your laun- dress, 1133.05 to your tailor, two months' rent at the Arlington — and to cap the climax, 3^ou have just i3ut a four thousand dollar mortgage on the only property you possess in the world — your farm at home. Sul. Are 3^ou the devil, or what? Bar. No^only Mr. Dun or Mr. Bradstreet, in a Court-train. 14 xS'/^/. And after breaking my heart, you mean to avail yourself of the knowledge you have gained of my private affairs, to humiliate me. Bar. Tut, tut, tut — no such stuff in my thoughts— I only wanted to show you the dejjth to which you have sunk, that you may better ap- preciate the height to which you may rise. I in- tend, my friend, to make you a large sum of money. aS'?//. [Grasp'uig Iter hand eagerly.'] Money? Bar. Here is Marcelle — no agitation — Well? Enter Marcelle. Mar. Mr. Eustass — de la Calif ornie — Bar. Admit him at once — and, Marcelle, you may tell the gentlemen in the study I am now at their service. [Eooit Marcelle.] >>>ul. You are incomprehensible. Bar. You shall soon understand all — be i^a- tient. [Moves up, and for awhile disappears.] Sal. I suppose I must submit — but, plague take it — I feel like a barrel of dynamite that is itching to blow up and destroy everybody and ever^^thing in sight. Enter from the Study, Thiinhle, Straddle, and Buncum. Thim. Here we are again. Strad. Here we are^ — and there is Sullen. Bun. And yonder comes Dodo. Thim. Followed by Eustace. Strad. The plot begins to thicken. 15 Enter Dodo — then HuHimr. Do, How do you do, friends — how do jou do, everybod}^ Evidently there will be a quorum to- night. Mrs. Baronness — Madame La Baronne, I should sa}^ — Bar. Mr. Dodo — Do. I couldn't wait for Sullen any longer. He was to come first and let me know the purport of the notes, but as he didn't return — ^uL True — I had forgotten about you. Dodo. Bar. We understand, Mr. Dodo, you did right to come up without ceremony — you Avill be greatly needed here this evening. [Turning and holding out her hand.] Mr. Eustace, your pardon for not being here earlier in the evening to receive you. East. And yours, Baronness, for calling at so unreasonable an hour the second time. If I had known you were going to have friends here — Bar. Is your business anything you would hesi- tate to state before these gentlemen? Eiist. On the contrary — it relates to a public matter about to come before the House, in which they, as well as the whole country, are interested. Bar. Then I am sure we would all be pleased — [All sail yes, yes] — but first let us make ourselves more at home. [Motions eacli to an appropriate seat.] Do. [Showing a cigar.] Will you permit me, Baronness ? Bar. With pleasure — I like the smoke of a good cigar. Wait — allow me to give you a light. Ban. H^umph! Wish I had a cigar. 16 Bar. [^"^ettJiug herself in a eonspieuous ehair,] Now, Mr. Eustace, we are at your orders. Eust. To be brief, Baronness, I come to you as a supplicant. Everyone is aware of the vast in- fluence yoLi wield at Washington, and it is that influence I wish to interest against the most merci- less and fiendish scheme of robbery that ever — ever — Bar. [Frif/idhj.] Mr. Eustace, I regret your re- marks have taken this turn. I tell you frankly, and without circumlocution, your appeal to me will be in vain. I am already engaged to promote, not to oppose, the passage of the "Grinding Bill." Eust. How did you know — Sal. [Aside.] Humph! Wliat don't she know? Bai: From the moment you opened your lips I knew wliat was to follow. It is a pity a man of your lights and attainments should take the side of the mob on this great question. Eust. Do you know, Madame, what the '^Grind- ing BilF' means? Bar. Simply this — a troop of banditti have been gutting all the country between the Missouri River and your State for twenty-five years, and the purpose of the bill is to enable them to con- tinue their depredations for a- hundred more. EusL And do you think they should be armed with so atrocious a privilege? Bar. I am not dealing in abstractions this evening. Eust. Twenty-five hundred thousand men once rose to free four million colored slaves in the South — and are we now to vainly beg for a few 17 niggardly votes to deliver teu million white men in the North and West? Bar. Oh, Eustace, you are beginning to tire me. All you say is good sentiment, but poor poli- tics. Eust. And I answer, the politics that justify the plundering of the people — the polluting of Courts, the debauching of newspapers, and the corrupting of Legislatures, is something that could have come only from the infernal pit^ — and will one daj^ be washed from the face of the earth in torrents of guilty blood — Bar. I have no such doleful apprehensions. Eusi. People did not believe in the deluge till they were drowned in its waters. Bar. Deluges, my dear man, are obsolete. I have something in this recej)tacle will prove my case better than words. [Hlie lias trouble in moving the screen. f:^i(JIeH steps forward to assist.] ^^ul. Will you permit me? [He moves it.] Bar. [Taking a check-hofjk out of the safe — before the door is closed, Sullen gets a peep into the safe.] Now I have what I want. i^iil. [Aside, gasping.] Bank-notes by the arm- ful. Ba7: Do you know what this is? Eust. A check-book. Bar. The aegis that makes us invulnerable to all the horrors your morbid imagination conjures up. Gentlemen, Mr. Eustace has precipitated the issue. It is time to throw off the mask, and to de- clare the motives I had in bringing you here. I require your assistance to pass the "Grinding Bill," and I want to know if I may depend upon it? 18 Thiin. The question is rather abrupt. Do. Not at all. I don't see how it could have been put otherwise. Stracl You have had the best of the argument, "Madame. '^ Do. By far. Tldni. But the trouble is— -you have been hardly explicit enough. Do. [Protesting.] My dear sir — Bar. If I signed a million to every one of these leaves 1 would need a new check-book to reach the millions still in reserve behind me. Thim. That may all be — but what does it avail a man perishing of thirst on the desert to be told there is an ocean of fresh v/ater in Lake Superior? Bur. Well, if each of you that may be now per- ishing of thirst will bring his pitcher to this table- Do. You will fill it with water — ? Bar. Fresh from Lake Superior. Do. At how much a i3itcher?. Bar. [Ahcat/s in a business manner.] Two thou- sand dollars. [All protest.] Thim. Madame! Strad. You are frank to brutality. Do. Even I am disgusted. ^^uL Is this the windfall you promised me? Bun. Two thousand dollars. Do. It wouldn't keep a statesman in tooth- picks. ^^trad. The offer is an insult. Bar. [Alwaifs irrifing with tier eyes intent on her wortx.] I am ready to apologize by raising the fig- ure to five thousand. 19 Thini. The tigure^ — I lueau the apok><»y — is in- suffieient. Strad. (ttossIj' inadequate. Do. 1 don't Ivnow about that. Bun. Fixe tliousand is a neat sum. Do. I never did believe in being a hog. Bun. I am certain the Baronness wants to do what is fair. Bar. So fair — that as I see some of you are disi- satisfied, I am ready to go as high as |T,500. Sill Where is my hat? Tltim. We are be^^ond temptation. Do. Now, gentlemen — ^^nl. Let us go — ^^tra(L [HcroicaUi/.] Yes, let us go. Thini. [Wcal-cituuj.] We are going. Strad. Yes — that is — if we have heard the last you have to sa^^ — Bar. Well, I don't believe in straining at a gnat — Call it 10,000 — and have done. Sill. Ten tliousand peanuts. Do. Surely, Mr. Sullen. KStrad. My seat cost me that — ThhiL The terms are jjreposterous. Do. and Bun. [Pleading] Now, Mr. Thimble — Mr. Thimble. Th'nn. [I ni patiently.] Don't claw me, please — I know a thing or two, I tell you. Here is a rail- wa3^ — its managers are taking in fift}- millions a year — five thousand millions in a hundred years, of which a third will be profit — and the^'^ want me to assist them in getting all that for |10,000. Strad. Outrageous! Don't you think so, Mr. Eustace? 20 Eu.st. I eertainl}^ do. If I were in this sort of biisiuess I would consider my vote worth as much to me as to the railroad. Bar.. [Ciurlesslij.] Well, gentlemen, it is grow- ing late, and as we can't come to any agreement — ThUii. We understand you — >>nJ. If nobod}^ is ever going to come — Do. Don't be so hasty. Bun. No, don't; haste is the most destructive of all vices. But for haste, a man might not have slipped on a banana peel and broken his leg; but for haste to make the accjuaintance of the foundry cat, the dog might not have lost his tail on a buzz- saw; but for haste — Bar. [Bings] Marcelle! Enter Marcelle. Mar. Oui, Madame. Bar. See that Domingo delivers these five notes the first thing in the morning to Congress- men Parsnip, Onion, Pumpkin, Squash, and Car- rot. Mar. I will, Madame. [Ea'it.] Do. See what you have done. Thim. What have we done? Do. Compelled her to throw us over — Bun. She can get Parsnip for five hundred. Do. Onion, Pumpkin, and Squash, for three. Bun. And Carrot for one. Strad. Cheap men are dear at any price. Do. Mr. Thimble! Tliim. I am bronze — Do. It is well enough for vou to be bronze — 21 this is your first tenn — niilortunately 1113' coustitu- ents have found me out — and it is to be my last. Bnn, YouHl never have such another chance. Thin(. Neither will the railroad. ^^uJ. Come, it is time to cross the liubicon. Tkini. But to show our defiance of Madame we won't leave the hotel. ^Str^irad. And I am an actor of it. Do. [Dolefully.] But w^e don't want to be Spar- tans. Ihin. No, no, we don't want to be Spartans. [Thiinhle and Hfrnddle ptirpfjseh) leave an overcoat and cane hehlnd — then e.rennt all. iSullen defiantly, Dodo and Buncnni relnetanth/ and n-himperlng.] Bar. [Finish'uH/ (vrltinf/.] Well, Mr. Eustace, I hope you are not going — won't you stop and chat a while? Ensl. I must be excused. Bar. Why? East, I could sustain no part of the conversa- tion — I have just heard and seen enough to make me dumb for the rest of my life. Bar. You are foolish. I Just. I have been foolish to believe in mv fel- 22 low-man, perhaps. J^o this is all Bunker Hill and the Declaration of Independence signif}^ in the end — is it? Poor, poor humanit}, forever grasp- ing at the stars, and forever clutching dead ashes. Bd)'. You are sad. Etist. Yes, I am sad to lind the glorious divin- ity I have worshipped is but a wooden idol, that may be pierced through and through, or broken into splinters by a few nasty spit-balls of dirt and of gold. Bar. I see you are in no mood to be enter- tained — therefore 1 will not detain you. Let us hope on some other occasion — dear, dear — the por- ter has lowered the gas in the hall, so you can liardlj' see 3^oiir way out. Stop — I will hold the lamp for you till you reach the top of the stairs. [^^Jie does so.] Eiist. You are very kind. Bar. Also^ — you ma^^ have forgotten — -midway down the hall there are three abrupt steps. Please take care. Bust. [Bowing sadhj.] I will remember. Bar. [Holds the lamp up fo)' a irhile, then comes forward — sels it on the table, and then sits down — re- mains preoeeupied a few seconds. Music] Bar. Oh, that I had met such a man in my young day. My Natalie Avould not then be ashamed to own she was my child. [Guy Devlin, during this scene, lias entered — after pausing a few moments, comes forward and taps Iter wiili a glove] she rises.] Guy! Mr. Deidin! Guy D. Did I startle you — What is the mat- ter — Sleepy? Why, there are tears in your eyes. 23 B(U'. Nouseuse — you are late. (ruij D. Yon got my telegram? Bar. Yes; what was the cause of the delay? (futj D. Train ran off the track; and hour be- fore I could get a special. What a pity we cannot re-establish the whipping-post — these careless train men cause such accidents, and accidents mean damages. Bar. You work 3'^our men too hard. (lUi/ D. Only fifteen hours a day — Bar. That's enough to kill anybody. (riijj D. Yet for one that's killed at that gait, I notice a hundred step forward only too willing to be killed in his place. Bar. Yet there are grave, grave complaints against 3^ou. (}uy D. All from the one quarter — Trades Unions, Knights of Labor, and similar abomina- tions. The country will never know true prosper- ity till they are extirpated, root and branch. De- prived of such disturbing influences, the common classes will gradually sink down to their normal and natural condition of subjection to their bet- ters, and all will be lovely. Bar. And the passing of the ^^Grinding Bill" will be a long step in this happy direction, I sup- pose? Guy D. It will, undoubtedly. What progress^ are you making? [Enter Thimhle and Straddle, on tiptoe, as loohing for cloak and cane.] Bar. The last batch vou sent me I have had 24 here all evening— but they proA^ed very intrac- table. Guy D. How high did you go? Bar. To ten thousand. Guij D. Apiece? Bar. Yes. Guy D. The deuce — the rascals must think they have got me in a hole. Bar. Is it not true? Guy D. Well, I admit — it is a matter of several millions annually to the company for a hundred years, and practically a clean sweep of two hun- dred millions more from the government then. Bar. What an insignificant sum. Guy D. It is at least worth fighting for. TMm. {^Advancing. 1 And paying for, too. Bar. [Rising.] Gentlemen — Sfrad. Happy to make your acquaintance, Mr. Guy Devlin. Never met you before, except in a photographer's show case. Guy D. Do you know these persons? Ba)\ Intimately. [Aside.] They are two of the votes we are after. Guy D. Oh! It is a pity, gentlemen, we could not have been introduced to one another in a more formal manner. TJiiiu. It was hardly possible. We had about finished a game of billiards, and were going home, when I found I had lost my cane. Hfi'ad. And I my overcoat. Bai\ And as this room was the last place you had frequented — ? lliim. Preciselv. 25 Guji 1). We understaiid perfectly — I am can- did enougii to own the language you have just heard has put me somewhat at a disadvantage. ^^trad. For which I am profoundh^ grateful to my overcoat — Thini. And I to my cane. Bar. [Aside,] Beware — these are the two most dangerous of the lot. Let me manage them. Gen- tlemen, there is no call to be sarcastic — Mr. Devlin well knows how to accept a situation. TJiim. We are glad to hear it. Bar. Now, if you will promise to secure him the votes of your three associates, on the terms already proffered, and pledge yourselves to se- crecy in the matter, he is ready to pay you twenty thousand each — just double what the others are to get. Thim. Tw^enty thou — ^trad. Vd sell inj soul for that. (iuy D. Don't you think the devil would get the worst of the bargain? Htrad. [Gdj/Ji/.] The devil would have to take chances in the premises. Bar. It is agreed, then. All that remains for me to say, is, the sooner we have the votes the sooner you get 3 our money. I>^trad. In ten minutes we engage to deliver you the goods. Come, Thimble. Thim. Yes, Straddle. [Exeuni jof/oush/.] (in II D. Well for a pair of rapscallions; but, Baronness, you are a genius. I thought it was going to be a case of blackmail, but you not only saved me from that annoyance, but ended by get- '2i\ ting me three rebellions votes besides. Hail to the Queen of the Lobby! Bar. We will postpone compliments till some other time, if you please. They are returning. [SquahhUng heard in the hall] Guy D. Already? Bar. It would be hardly wise for you to figure personally in an affair like this. Gvy D. Quite so. In case of an expose, I might find it difficult to prove an alibi. Bar. This passage will take you to the street. Guy D. But I wish to go over the accounts, write a dozen letters, and put some important pa- pers into the safe there. Bar. Then slip into my study till they depart. Guy D. Don't let them keep me a prisoner long. [Eofit:] Bar. I will not, never fear. Now to make out the checks, and Avind up the most troublesome job I have had on my hands in twenty years. [Mutter- ing to herself as she writes.] Thimble, Straddle, and Dodo — Enter Thinible, l^traddle, Buuentu, and Dodo, contend- iiig and remonstrating with ^Sullen. Several. Oh, come now, come now. Sullen. Sul. I tell you I don't like it — it looks sus- picious. Thiiu. AVhat looks suspicious? Sul. Your sudden conversion. Strad. There was no other course to jiursue. Do. How could there be? Thim. We found Parsnip & Co. were no bluff; she really meant to substitute them. It was ten thousand in U. S. notes or nothing. 27 Strad. We really thougiit, under the eireuni- staiiees, we had better yield. Do. I would have done so from the first. aS*/(7. No doubt; you are an antique at the game. Your old paunch is even now so stuffed with plunder, that, like your extinct patronymic, you can hardly waddle about with it. Do. Mr. Sullen! Bun. When I reflect that from the icy min- arets of Alaska to the persimmon groves of Ope- lousas — Bar. Well, gentlemen, have you come to an un- derstanding? Do. Yes, Madame, I — I mean ever^ybody. Bm\ Mr. Sullen? Sul. [Reluct a nth/ and growling.] I don't like to surrender, but I guess there is no use bucking against the majority. [All give a comical sigh of relief. Dodo and Buncum embrace.] Bar. Very well, then — ^there is your envelope. [Sullen takes it.] Mr. Thimble and Mr. Straddle, yours — Mr. Buncum and Mr. Dodo — Do. Ah, Madame, these are the kind of love notes I like to receive. [Pnts his into a note-hooh] In remembrance of you, I will carry it next to my heart. Bun. I'll sleep with mine under my pillow. 8 If I. [Looking at watcJi.] Speaking of pillows and sleep, is it not getting rather late? Thim. Yes; we must be really going. So, Madame, with billions of thanks, regards and blessings — Bar. Fie, fie, do you think I am going to let 28 you off like this — [Riiu/s; Doiniiujo appears^] — after the exciting evening we have had? Before leaving yon must partake of a little supper I have prepared for you in No. 16. When you are through you will find carriages at the hotel door to take you home. See to everything, Domingo. Dom. Yes, my lady. Do. Baronness, you are a trump. HfratJ. You are going to join us? Bai'. I have not had three hours' rest in a week. If you would be so good as to excuse me — lliiw. I suppose we shall have to submit. Doni. All. is ready, gentlemen. Bar. As a j^arting favor, I hope you will not si)are the champagne. Thim. No danger! And the first bottle shall be a bumper to the "Queen of the Lobby.'' AU. To the Queen of the Lobb}''! {Exeunt ehceriiuj — Dodo throws tier a kiss. aSV^p stands in the hall uiiriiuj her hand. The ^ttidii door opens, and Guy Devlin enters as slie eomes doirn.] Gup D. The coast is clear? Bar. Yes — how relieved you ought to feel. I am sure I do. The majority is small. Gay D. It will be greater — the Dunderheads are to come yet. These are a class of people who are never bought, because they have not brains enough to sell themselves; but they always take to bad legislation instead of good by a sort of in- stinct, on the same principle that a pig prefers a mud -wallow to a plum orchard. AH such will vote for lis from conviction. Bar. I am glad to find you so sanguine. There is nothing further for us to confer about to-nio^ht? 29 (jUjj I). No; aud you look tired. Allow me to conduct you to — Bar, You are going to remain? (Jujj D. Yes; I have much to do, and 1 never work so well as in this cosy little nook of yours. Bar. There's the key, then — you may have oc- casion to open the safe. G-iijj D. True. Bar. When you go, don't forget the catch on the hall door. [Po'uif'uig to ike rear door.] Gulf D. No; I won't. [Laughier, merriment, and the popping of champagne eot-ks heard.] Bar. The patriots are having quite a ^^Fourth of Jul}-." Giiij D. Yes, dang'ni; and it is I who am pay- ing for the fire-crackers. Bar. Bon soir, Mr. Devlin! (fiijf D. [Boicing.] Ah! — yes — Madame la Ba- roune — Bon sewer. [Rep^'ats.] Bon sewer. [TJie Baroaness passe>^ uiio her room, and closes the door. Deiiiu pauses, ih^n leaves the door and takes tlie cen- ter.] Wonderful w oman, that — w^onderf ul ! Had she been born a man she would have become a Richelieu or a Bismarck. [RuhUng his liands.] It is getting chilly — let me put a stick of wood on the fire. [Does so; then takes his seat hehind the desk, and hciflns to work — assorting, reading, signing documents, all the wJiile soliloquizing with himself. Sullen appears at the end.] Wonder if I shall ever be used for a stick of wood? The preachers say some hard things of the fate reserved for sinners. But, pshaw! I'm no sinner — never knew what it w^as to do a dishonest action — not since I was 30 born. I have always foiinel, in fact, honesty is the best policy. It has e^ er been a mystery to me how some nnfortunates conld be so stnpicl to take chances of the penitentiary by stealing a second- hand coat or robbing a melon j)atch. We cannot all be constituted alike, I suppose. It is not every man that is born Avith the judgment or the con- science of Guy Dev — [Sees l>^ullen.] Sir — )>^uL Don't be alarmed. (hqf D. What does this mean? >S'/^/. Nothing — except I came here to see the Baronness. I find you in her place — so much the better. Crui/ D. I do not wish to be disturbed. Sul. And I propose taking measures that will prevent such an annoyance, sir. [Goes to rear — shuts — loci's the door — puts kei/ into his pocket, and comes forward.] Guy D. Your methods are a ery singular. Sul, They will be thoroughly understood be- fore I leaye here. Guy D. Might I be so bold as to ask who and what you are? Sul. Certainly — there is no secret about either fact. My name is Wilder T. Sullen, and I am a member of the present Lower House. Guy D. A new member, I presume? Sul, Yes — this is my first term. Guy D. That accounts for my not recognizing your name. SuL Strange — Pve been told you knew the names of all the members of both Houses by heart. 31 (ruji I). So I i^etierally do— at tlie end of a ses- sion. Well, now, W'illard T. Sullen, member of the present Lower House, Avliat can I do for you? ^vl. A great deal, sir — I come to see you in reference to the little affair the Baronness has just been conducting for you. Guy D. [Feif/nliifi not to understand.'] What little affair? Bui. You know very well — that relating to the purchase of fiye important votes in the interest of your ^^Grinding Bill." Guy D. Really — you seem to know more about the circumstances that I do. Sul. I ought to, in any event. Guy D. How so? Bui. I am one of the votes in question. Gity D. Oh, you are — that puts another face on the matter. [Aside] What a load off my nerves — I don't see there is anything further to discuss on that head, Mr. Sullen. , Sid. I do, Mr. Devlin. Guy D. Did you not agree to accept of a cer- tain sum in return for your vote? Sid. I did. Guy D. Has not that sum been paid you? Std. It has. Guy D. Are you not satisfied? Sul. No, I am not satisfied. Guy D. W^hat is the trouble? Bui. The trouble is cheating, fraud, and gross deception, Guy D. Sullen! Bid. You have been catechising me — allow me now to catechise yoii. You bid for the support of five certain Representatives, did you not? Guy D. Well— ^iil. And you were to pay each one of them ex- actly the same sum? Guy D. Granted — i^ul. Then, why in the teeth of such a compact have you paid two of our members double the amount received by the rest of us? Guy D. You do not know I have done this. ^nl. I do know it — on the ver^^ best of author- ity. One of your beneficiaries told us the whole stor}- , but now at the supper table. Having taken too much champagne, he lost all control over his tongue — yes, w^^nt so far in his drunken, tri- umphant glee, as to flaunt youv check in our very faces. Guy D. [Aside.] The cur — the cur — there is no trusting one of them. Well, Sullen, what is done is done. Y^ou must regard the incident as closed. Sul. Not by a thousand miles. Guy D. What do you expect? ^^ul. I expect — nay, demand, that now, upon this spot — without delay— before I leave this room, you pay me the ten thousand still due to me upon our contract. Guy D. You are joking. i^ul. Hoi Ho! my man, I was never more seri- ous or earnest in my life. My whole being revolts and sickens me at what I have consented to do — Vote for the ^^Grinding Bill" — The wretch guilty of such a deed is no better than the accomplice 83 who shares with the outlaw the fruits of his crime on the highw^ay — Vote for the "Grinding Bill?" The man who so degrades himself shall stand for- ever accurst — Liying — his wife will blush to re- ceive his kiss — his children to bear his name — his friends to own his fellowship. Dead — spittle not tears shall rain upon his tomb; the very worms will avoid his carcass lest they be poisoned by eat- ing of his infected flesh. For him no place on fame's eternal scroll — but imprecations — and maledictions deep from the well-fonts of every noble, honor-loving heart Men with horror in their faces will hurry by the spot where he rests, and when little children ask them why, they shall be told for answer, in that disreputable grave lies one who in the distant past voted for the "Grind- ing Bill." Guy D. Sullen! Sullen! ^ul. Such, such, I say, is my future — such, such the fate I embrace to serve you — and your fiendish purposes of i)illage and greed — and there- fore, Guy Devlin, I give you due warning I mean to have the full recompense of my infamy. Guy D. [Sloivly.] Well, Sullen — if you were not so excited, I — don't know, but we might — SuL [Covering Devlin quickly with a revolver,'] Stop! Guy D. Hein!— Sul. Back to your place! I know why you were edging over in that direction — you wanted to give the alarm to your minions to come and take me into custody. Now, I advise you to be careful — the moment you dare put a finger on 34 that bell, I will send a bullet crasliing through your brain. Guy D. You know what the consequences would be — Sul. A broomstick for the consequences. Be- fore coming here I regulated all my affairs and made my will. Let men sentence me to the rope — and Heayen condemn me to Hell — I will always have the satisfaction of knowing you arrived there several months before me. Guy D. You are a curious fellow, Sullen — you lose your balance — fly off at a tangent before you know^ whether you are striking at a real grievance or a windmill. How do you know I am not ready to do you justice? I am always open to convic- tion, and in this instance I have been thoroughly convinced — both argument and reason are en- tirely on your side. Sit down, then, like a good child, and be quiet whilst I write you out a check. Sul. No check for me — Guy D, No? Sill. It will be six hours before your bank opens — what is there to prevent your notifying the officials in the meanwhile against cashing that check on the ground it was extorted from you by violence? Guy D. What am I to do, then? No man, how- ever rich, is in the habit of carrying ten thousand dollars about with him in his pocket book. Sul. You have the money convenient, all the same. Gity D. Have I — where? S'ul. In a safe behind that screen. I 35 (hiy D. You know of that, too? Sill. As I know of many other things — Guy D. Well, Sullen, I'd like to oblige you, but this safe belongs to the Baronness; it would not be proper for me to open it without her permis- sion, and as for touching her money — Sill. None of that poppy-cock, Devlin. The money belongs to you ; it is only deposited here to enable your agent, the Baronness, to make all pay- ments in her own name, and so divert suspicion from yourself. Guy D. [Rising and smiling.'] Decidedly, Sul- len; you will be a success in Congress. Sul. Why? Guy D. Because you have a knack of overrul- ing the chair. [Opens the safe.] Sul. I am happ3^ to learn you have become cog- nizant of the fact. G2iy D. [Muttering to himself, with a pacJcage of hills in his hafid.] Let me see, now. I must make no mistake — one — two — three, four, five — six, seven — eight — [Pause.] — nine — ten — correct. There you are, my lad — ten notes of a thousand dollars each. Sill. [Puts pistol on a chair, and counts the hills.] All right — I believe this about ends the business — I assure you the matter will never go any further. [Thrusts notes into his pocliet, after that the pistol — fakes out key — opens the rear door, and is ahout pass- ing out.] Guy D. [He has come fortvard in a languid, as- sured ivay.] I say. Sullen — Sul, [Returning.] Did you call? 8() Guy D. Hayen't you forgotten something? Sttl. Not that I know of. Guy D. Yes, you haye. Sul What? Guy D. Why, to shake hands, old boy. [TJiey shake hands.] Sul. Well, you're a good one. Guy D. And you're a better — Ha! Ha! [Con- ducts Sullen to the door, patting him on the 'back. As he does this the Baronness slowly enters in a negligee.'] Bar. Mr. Deylin — Guy D. You? Baronness? Bar. I was awakened from my sleep — by some disturbance. I thought you were being threat- ened. Springing out of my bed, I hurried — Guy D. All for nothing, you see. Bar. I am sure I heard yoices. Guy D. Yes, I was talking to myself. Bar. What were 3^ou saying? Guy D. That the "Grinding Bill" would pass. END. f-'BRARY OF CONGRESS 016^215 053 4 ^