UNEASY LIES A Comedy UNEASY LIES A Comedy for one act h LAWRENCE KENNEDY Privately printed t^v^ Copyright ig2i by Lawrence Kennedy This play is copyrighted and may be used for acting only with the permission of the author^ Lawrence Kennedy, Hinsdale, Illinois. €)C;.3 57886 To M.B.K. UNEASY LIES A Comedy When the curtain rises we will discover Betty Trellis at the piano. Betty is the daughter of John and Julia Trellis — a very good daughter, to both. And that is a fine accomplish- ment, for it requires a diverse education. Julia is fascinating, impulsive, and sensible to a degree that stops on the side of a justifiable selfishness — not that she is really selfish, but she indulges herself in the pleasures of getting the things she desires, always, of course, graciously. She is young and attractive. She is young because, like Lady Bracknel, she decided ten years ago that thirty-five is a nice age to remain at. She is attractive for the same reason. Until now she has never dreamed- that Betty's ideas did not reflect her own. Betty always has been a dutiful and companionable daughter, insofar as her mother would re- quire duty and companionship from her. But not to the point of allowing them to interfere with a development of character that makes her a little keener and more lovable. Betty has purchased a remarkable poise and insight very cheaply. For the things that many ladies might be willing to give many more years, she has expended only twenty-two. It is a great bargain in feminine charm. If we were permitted to know Betty's father, John TrelHs, more intimately, we might suspect the source of some of the qualities that con- stitute that charm. It is quite possible that he has neglected his business sufficiently to give Betty a tip or two. It would be just like him ; and it would be just like her to turn to good advantage any tip he would give her. She always has had faith in his judgment — ever since that day, fifteen years ago, when, alone and unaided, he discovered that Polly Ann, her youngest doll, would be more presentable with a new and un- cracked head, which he at once provided. He was right about that, and he never has failed her since. Uneasy Betty's heart has so far remained whole because she Lies never has found any one else with so fine an appreciation of the value of uncracked heads. Don't expect her to fall in love, for there is no one in the play, that we know of, that she might like well enough for that. True, there is Billy Trainor, but she seems to be quite sure about him. Billy, a very good friend of the family, is a young professor at the University. He is about thirty-five, not quite young enough to be serious and not old enough to be sedate. He is a possible fellow, but, Betty thinks, too clever. He adores Julia Trellis, so he tells the family. There is no secret about that. He likes to play at being her slave. He would like to marry Betty if she would have him, perhaps just so that he might have Julia for his mother-in-law. So you see, he really is devoted to her. The curtain is about to rise. When it does we shall see a comfortable living-room of the Trellis Family. John Trellis, being a successful attorney, has left nothing undone to make it so. Because of its placing we shall note on the davenport a brightly bound book. The book is there because it is impor- tant that it should be there. Betty is at the piano playing over a waltz, probably a Brahms waltz, because she is fond of Brahms. Four other characters will appear in the play. Mr. Artemus Day, a publisher, two officers, and the Trellis maid. The time is just before dinner. Julia comes in, apparently in search of something she has mislaid. JULIA Betty, have you seen my book? That new one I was reading. BETTY {continuing the waltz) Do you mean the one on the davenport there, mother? {indicating position of book by a turn of her head.) {Julia takes up the book and sits on the davenport to read. Betty plays.) JULIA Has your father come in? BETTY Yes, he has gone to his room. JULIA And probably will be late to dinner. He is writing, I suppose? BETTY Yes, I think he is. He said he wanted a few minutes alone before dinner. JULIA BETTY JULIA BETTY JULIA BETTY JULIA BETTY JULIA BETTY JULIA BETTY JULIA BETTY BETTY JULIA BETTY JULIA BETTY For a man who is not literary your father cer- tainly does a vast amount of writing. There is a vast amount of writing done by people who are not literary. But, mother, you must not object to his finding pleasure in it. It's all right, I suppose, dear, for him to indulge in that simple pastime. But he takes himself so seriously. Perhaps if we should take him more seriously he would not have all that w^ork to do. What work, Betty? Taking himself so seriously. {Julia looks a question at her daughter and turns to her hook — Betty to the piano.) Billy is coming for dinner, you know. Yes? (unconcerned) I told him he might run in early. Why? Betty, I think it a shame the way you treat Billy. I think it would be shameful to treat him any other way. It might be misleading. Billy is a very nice, clever boy. Yes, almost too clever. {Julia gives up and returns to her book.) What is your absorbing book, mother? It is that book your father brought home yesterday {reading the title), "Better Women, the Story of Helen Dale. " There is no author given . It has been published anonymously. I think you had better not read it, Betty, not yet. Oh, that book! I have read it, mother. (shocked) As your mother, I must ask you, Betty, to be more exclusive in the selection of your reading. This book is — well, it is not con- sidered to be highly moral. Oh, mother, are you reading it that w^ay too? Don't believe what they are saying about it. It's a good book, but you should not take it so seriously. Not that way, I mean. Uneasy Lies Uneasy JULIA Lies BETTY JULIA BETTY JULIA BETTY MAID JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY BETTY JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY But it is serious, Betty. Yes, it is serious. But the ideas were not meant for you, mother. Betty! At least, you should not confuse them. Yester- day I heard someone say that woman to-day, the so-called emancipated woman, set in the complexities of the new days of readjustment of relations, is like a transplanted flower that must turn and twist on itself until it finds itself with its face to the sun again. That is what — Betty, you talk like your father. {half to herself) I wish I could. {The maid appears and speaks to Mrs. Trellis.) Mr. Trainor is here. Ask him to come right in here, Nancy. {Before the 7naid can turn to ask him, Billy Trainor bounds into the room past her. The maid leaves.) Very good of you to allow me to come. I thought you w^ould like to know John's friend, Mr. Day, the publisher. He is having dinner with us, too, this evening. That's fine. And Betty, you're wonderful. Didn't think you'd speak to me again after last night. I am glad to see you, Billy. If you will excuse me I'll see if father is coming. {Betty draws away from. Billy toivard door at left and goes out. Billy stands looking at the door.) {severely) What happened last night, Billy? {shaking off the spell) Oh, just the usual thing. I proposed, and Betty refused me again. You're incorrigible. If I didn't know you were a good boy I should scold you. I think I should approve it if Betty did like you, but Betty is young. {Julia sits on davenport — Billy is by the table at the left.) {m,ock seriously) Mrs. TrelHs, you do not know your child. Betty was at least a thousand years old last night, {groiving serious) She talked JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA to me like a mother. And she was right, too. Where does she get her ideas? Perhaps she reads things she should not — like this, {picking up the copy of Helen Dale.) {Billy crosses to Julia.) Oh, you have a copy of that? Do you know what they are saying about that book? I can suspect. That it is malicious, immoral^a mine of Greek fire under the foundations of our most sacred institutions. The critics are quite wild about it. Oh, is it as bad as that? {rising and taking the book from Billy — holding it close) It must be good. {Julia sits in the chair beside the table on the left. Billy is by the table on her left.) Bad. To the moralists, yes. The moralists? That doesn't exclude us, does it? I said the moralists. There is a difference be- tween being moral and being a moralist. You remember what Helen Dale says about them? A moralist is one who has grown tired of his vices or never has had the ability to enjoy them. Isn't that putting it a trifle strong? Perhaps. But you must remember her provoca- tion. She may have leaned backward on that. {During this conversation until Billy, Julia is enjoying her feminine prerogative of Tnaking her- self attractive to the susceptible masculine.) Have you heard any speculation as to who wrote this book? No one seems to know who Helen Dale is. Don't you imagine it may have been written by a man? I am quite sure it was. No woman ever had as clear thoughts concerning the virtues of her sex as Helen Dale has. That is slanderous, Billy. Not intended to be. {thoughtfully) Perhaps men do believe in us more than we do ourselves. Uneasy Lies U7ieasij BILLY Lies JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA My dear Mrs. Trellis, if we did not, you women would enjoy very little faith. I suppose I should like that, although it is a doubtful compliment — no, I'll not accept it as a compliment. It is an admission of weakness. You can't help liking us. Putting it that way is the most direct, if not the most charitable. I admit the weakness. And do you, Mr. Wiseman, know why we like you? Woman's instinct allows her two attitudes toward man. He is either her child or her father. She wants someone to pet or someone to pet her. When she finds the man who is both child and father to her all the gods of Olympus cannot stop her admiration for him. That imputes no very high motive for a woman's affection. But I think it does. It's basic, natural — and the quality that makes women good. Also it is what a man would most desire. Helen Dale knew that. Do you mean to tell me, Billy Trainor, that you would like to be petted? {She fats his hand and rises.) I might pretend to resent it, but I should like it. We always do. Yes, you are quite a baby, Billy. {Julia is quite co7iscious of her prerogative.) But I would not want to have you a spoiled baby. You are petting me now. {innocently) Oh, am I? It's not so very difficult to pet you, Billy. But, Mrs. TrelHs, I don't want to be petted. And, even if I did — but, you must not. You have to — {drawing away) Now, now, not that. You may play the baby part but not the father. No — I— No, no advice, please. {Julia goes to davenport and Billy foUoivs.) That would be too much. 10 Come, sit down. Tell me about yourself. How did you enjoy the concert last evening? Are you writing anything new for the review? Those are wonderful articles. I thoroughly absorbed your last one, ''The Evolution of Eve" I think it was called. BILLY I am glad you liked it. Betty suggested the idea to me. Hope she liked the way I handled it. JULIA She raved about it, Billy. BILLY Oh, then she liked it. JULIA No, quite the contrary. BILLY {dejectedly) I hoped she would like it. Perhaps sometime I can do something she likes. JULIA (picking up the copy of Helen Dale) Who do you think wrote this book? BILLY What does John think about it? JULIA Oh, John doesn't know anything about such things. Who do you think wrote it? BILLY I'd rather not try to guess. (Billy is rather indifferent to this discussion.) JULIA Billy, I think you do know\ BILLY It may have been written by someone we know. JULIA Billy, you do know. BILLY No, I— JULIA Look at me, I have an idea. Who did this? (Billy does 7iot answer her. He has turned away from her. Julia mistakes his attitude, believing that he is trying to evade the question. She leans over to Billy, turns him about and looks straight at him as she speaks.) JULIA Billy, I knew it. I suspected it when you first began to talk about Helen Dale's ideas. You wrote this book! (Billy is staggered by this, and Julia ■misinterprets his surprise as an attempt to conceal ivhat she wants to believe to be true. Billy stutters some incoherent ansiver.) JULIA Don't try to deny it. Don't you think I know your style? It is like you — and after your speeches about the book — I'm proud of you, Billy Trainor. Uneasy Lies 11 Uneasy Lies JULIA BILLY JULIA JOHN BILLY JOHN BILLY JOHN BILLY JOHN BILLY JOHN {Billy again attempts to speak, ivith no result.) It's no use. You are discovered. Shall I keep the secret, Billy? No, you must let me tell them. They will be proud of you, too. (Vague protests from Billy.) You will let me tell them, won't you? Oh, yes, tell them. Tell them anything. (going out) I'll send Betty to you. (She goes out.) (Billy begins to think seriously of the situation that Julia has put him in. He paces the floor, picks up the hook, looks at it, and tosses it back on the table. John Trellis comes in unobserved and watches Billy.) Why the caged lion imitation, Billy? (surprised) Oh, good evening, John, (shakes hands) I am a caged lion. And I don't want to be. But the lion tamer wouldn't listen to reason. Let's have it without the metaphor. What is your trouble? It's a foolish situation. I allowed — well — your wife has discovered that I wrote that book. (indicating the book on the table) That that book was written by me. (John shows surprise.) Don't look surprised. I did not write it. (positively) I know you did not, Billy. That evidently is not intended as a compliment. But I am glad you believe it. Please find Mrs. Trellis at once and disillusion her. I thought at first it might be amusing to allow her to think she knew the author of Helen Dale, but it will not do. She will insist on telling all the people who are coming in this evening. Please go and explain it to her. Tell her I did not write the book. I do not want to carry the joke any farther. I wish you would carry it farther, Billy. Are you trying to make fun of me? I really didn't want her to believe it. Listen to me, Billy. I do want you to carry 12 your part through. I'll tell you why. Because I wrote that book. BILLY You! JOHN (Motioning to Billy to be seated— they sit down.) For a long time I have fought a desire to meddle with matters that rightly belong in your province, the province of you teachers of sociology. But the desire mastered me and I was compelled to set down my convictions about certain things. This book is the result of observations of many years. My profession as a lawyer has brought to me many experiences that convinced me of the necessity of some social readjustments. Indifference and the smug attitude toward both the evils and the finer things of life have touched me deeply. I have wanted to strike at it. And I have, where it was possible in the course of my business. Because I have made my work a success I am encouraged to believe that the influence is appreciated. So I could not longer resist the desire to add my small contribution to a good work. I suppose it is presumptions, but I had to do it. BILLY I believe your contribution will be taken serious- ly, John. It is convincing. JOHN It should be. The story of Helen Dale is true. And there are many Helen Dales. Some of them will come through all right, and some of them, less blessed, will flounder in their error. I'd like to help them. BILLY I think you will. The book will become widely known, [rising) But why do you want me to carry on this deception— to pose as the writer of it? JOHN There are several people coming in this evening, all of whom I know have read Helen Dale. My wife has discovered that you are the author of Helen Dale. You are going to allow her to tell them that. And I am going to look on — observe the comments about the book without the author's embarrassment. BILLY It will be a great honor to assume that embar- Uneasy Lies 13 Uneasy rassment. I'll go through with the joke if it Lies will please you. But why did you put the book out without your name? It would bring you a high place among the best writers. JOHN I wrote the book, as I told you, because I felt I had to. But authorship with its usual per- quisites of adulation and cant do not appeal to me. I am quite satisfied to have done the work if it is good. {Julia and Betty come in.) JULIA (to Jolm) Has Billy told you, John? JOHN Yes, he has confessed his weakness. JULIA Isn't it wonderful? (beaming on Billy) I always knew he w^ould write a best seller. It is such a fine achievement. BETTY (ivith a suggestion of a mocking tone) Yes, isn't it. BILLY You are all very kind to me. It is more than I expected. BETTY I dare say it is. (designedly) Now, Billy, you can help to clear up some of the dubious ideas of Helen Dale, those things your critics have objected to. She says — '^My unfortunate experi- ences I cast out of my mind. They have served their purpose." There seems to be no desire to atone her error. Should she not at least have shown a little regret? BILLY (floundering) Well, I wanted to show — you see she — I had — JOHN (interrupting) She philosophically mastered re- gret. She knew — JULIA John, please do not interrupt Billy, (to Billy) Do go on. BILLY No — regret had no place in her philosophy. She knew — {stumbling) she knew — JOHN She knew that there was no constructive value in regret, and the building of — JULIA (severely) John! (Betty, having pushed Billy into the sea of explana- tion, has stepped aside to enjoy the fun of his feeble efforts to keep afloat.) BILLY Yes — the building of — there is — the building of — 14 JOHN The building of her character is her chief con- cern. And she knows that sentimental regret contributes nothing to that. JULIA (reprimanding) John, you seem to know consid- erable about Helen Dale's ideas. JOHN Yes, my dear, I have given them some thought. JULIA But would it not be better to allow the author to expound those ideas? JOHN Undoubtedly, my dear. {Maid enters and speaks to Mr. Trellis.) MAID Mr. Day has come. JOHN Yes, Nancy. Please ask him to wait for me in the library. {Maid goes out.) JOHN (to the company) If you will excuse me for a minute I should like a word with Mr. Day. We shall be right in. Watch your crown, Billy. (He goes toward the door.) JULIA John is trying at times. It is really quite diffi- cult to be married to him. JOHN (overhearing) My dear, you must admit that I married much better than you did. (He goes out.) BETTY You have made it all very clear to me, Mr. Trainor. I can understand now Helen Dale's attitude. She looked on her past experiences as one would consider the chips of marble that fall beneath the chisel of the sculptor, and are lost in the wonder of the developing form of the sculpture. BILLY That is very beautiful, Betty. I wish that were in the book. BETTY It is, Billy. (Billy looks at her wonderingly .) JULIA But, Billy, why didn't you publish the book under your name and take the glory it will bring to the writer? You are not ashamed of your book, I hope. BILLY No, I — well, I could not endure authorship with its usual perquisites of adulation and cant. BETTY Be assured you will get no insincere praise from me for your work. But it must be very grati- Uneasy Lies 15 Uneasy Lies BILLY BETTY BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA BILLY JULIA JOHN DAY BILLY JOHN JULIA JOHN fying to feel that you are a successful writer. I can't deceive you, Betty, I feel quite like a thief. Oh, you should not feel that. Plagiarism is not a crime these days. You have only used to advantage the best things that have come your way. That is kind. {to Betty) If your father gets started on one of those lengthy discussions with Mr. Day I am afraid we shall not see them for awhile, {to Billy) Does Mr. Day know that you are the author of the great book he has published? No. John attended to the details for me. John did? And told me nothing of it. It was supposed to be a secret, Mrs. Trellis. {John comes in with Artemus Day, the ^publisher.) Good evening, Mr. Day, we are glad to have you with us. {Greetings are exchanged between Mrs. Trellis and her daughter and Mr. Day.) And this is Mr. William Trainor, Mr. Day, with whom I believe you will have some business to discuss, {to Billy) 1 have explained to Mr. Day, Billy, that you have acknowledged authorship of Helen Dale. I am indeed glad to see you, Mr. Trainor, and congratulate you. {hesitating, and looking at John) Thanks, Mr. Day. Mr. Day has some important matter to consider in relation to the book. He expected to talk it over with me, but since the author is here he may discuss it directly with him. {starting to leave) I'll give you about fifteen minutes. Dinner will be served then. Come Betty. No, you may stay. I think Billy will not object to share his glory. Tell him, Mr. Day. {The men sit about the table. Julia and Betty on the davenport.) 16 DAY I shall be as brief as possible. I need not tell you of the great success the book is having. It is going to be the leader of best sellers. And the moving picture people are interested in it. {He pauses for the effect of that. Betty shows disgust.) The Gilt Edge Film Corporation has authorized me to offer you a contract for the screen rights of the story of Helen Dale. {Julia is triwn'phant.) And for that right they allow me to offer you a payment of one hundred thousand dollars, to be paid— BILLY {jum.'ping to his feet and af pealing to John) This will not do. I — DAY They might make it one hundred and twenty- five thousand. Yes, I may promise that. BILLY Mr. Day, I cannot consider. I — DAY One hundred and fifty thousand is their ultimate figure, Mr. Trainor. BILLY But I cannot sign a contract. Not now. I should like to think more about this, {looking at John.) JOHN You had better take it, Billy. I have read over the contract and will vouch for its proper order. {John takes the contract that Day has produced, glances at it, and places it on the table before Billy.) You may sign it. {Julia can restrain herself no longer.) JULIA John, would it not be better to allow Billy to make his own decision? JOHN Surely, my dear {offering the pen to Billy), he has decided to sign it. DAY It is a very handsome figure, Mrs. Trellis. Very few works could command it. BETTY Very few works would deserve it, you know, Mr. Day. I cannot bear to think what they will do with Helen Dale, with their closeups and vulgar captions. DAY Then you do not approve the motion pictures, Miss Trellis? BETTY Approve them — I detest them, what they are Uneasy Lies 17 Uneasy doing with them. Someone has called them the Lies world's greatest failure. And it is so, with their possible fields, the open fields of great literature, what have they done? They have crawled through the filthy alleys picking at the refuse. DAY You are quite severe. Miss Trellis. I agree with you in a measure. But I do believe that material like Helen Dale can be turned to the advantage of better pictures. The industry is still young and we need such things to assist in raising the standards. BETTY Perhaps, but they will not use it that way. They will turn it into erotic trash wdth no value as good entertainment or useful instruction. JOHN I believe it is in the contract, is it not, Mr. Day, that the plaj^ would be produced in strict accord- ance with the author's suggestions? DAY That is made quite clear. JOHN I think you may safely sign, Billy. {Maid enters, speaks to Mr. Trellis.) MAID Mr. Day is wanted at the telephone. JOHN Yes, we will excuse you, Mr. Day. (Day goes out to the telephone.) {John and Billy concern themselves with the con- tract, which Billy is seen to sign.) JULIA Betty, you must try to control your radical notions. The pictures are not so bad. I saw a picture the other day that was quite refreshing and sweet. BETTY Yes, mother, I know that kind— the kind in which the films are dipped in sugar water to preserve the sticky atmosphere. JULIA You are hopelessly like your father, Betty. JOHN {rising with Billy and speaking to him) Very good, that fixes that. Too much care cannot be taken to avoid the objectionable features that Betty fears in a work of this kind. We must watch that carefully. JULIA We? And has Billy appointed you his film censor? 18 BILLY It is quite all— JOHN Yes, Billy has asked me to assist him in the production. BETTY You could not get along without him, could you, Billy? JULIA (su/hing) And I find it difficult to get along- with him. (Day comes back showing some irritation.) JULIA You appear worried, Mr. Day. Anything serious? DAY Very annoying. My secretary just tells me that the government is interfering with the circulation of our book. In fact, he has received an order, he says a very definite order concerning it. It is suppressed. ALL Suppressed ! Dx\Y But the worst is to come. Two gentlemen from the Department of Interference are on the way here to interview the author and me. BILLY But why that honor? DAY My secretary says that we were guilty of dis- regarding some important order. What the order is I do not know. I received no order. But Helen Dale is killed. BETTY (rising) Oh, the bunglers. This is the land of freedom — freedom for the little minded critics who never could serve art. Art must serve them in bondage — wash their soiled linen and do their little tasks, Alwaj^s they condemn what they cannot understand. I was afraid that Helen Dale was too fine to be taken seriously. BILLY {trying to lighten the situatiori) The govern- ment seems to have taken it seriously enough. BETTY Yes, that is the supreme beauty of it. The seal of the government is put on the death warrant of art. Cranks and crazy critics are allowed to rant and tear at the structure of government. Expensive departments are created to counteract the damage. And art — art, that might help it all, is dismissed, turned over to the censorship of a Comstockian prudery. Uneasy Lies 19 Uneasy JOHN Lies JULIA DAY MAID We must not expect too much. Taking the fine things seriously is not one of our national characteristics. Just what do these gentlemen who are coming to visit us expect to accomplish? What they accomplish is unimportant to them. They are only the dull instruments of the doddering doctors of righteousness. {The maid enters.) Two gentlemen who insist on seeing Mr. Day at once. JOHN I shall speak to the gentlemen. {The maid leaves, and before John reaches the door on his ivay out to greet the gentlemen, they appear in the doorway. One of these emissaries looks and endeavors to act like a gentleman. The other feels the importayice of his mission so keenly, knows so well how much depends on him, that like most of the custodians of morals, he has no time for the refinemerits and ma7iners. He is a ludicrous figure, a typification of the organized effort to make virtue odious. They impressively decorate the doorway. The second gentleman wears his hat; all turn toioard the gentlemen.) JOHN Come in, gentlemen. Mr. Day has advised us of your visit. {The gentlemen come in.) FIRST We are extremely sorry to intrude at this time. GENTLEMAN SECOND But we got our orders, ain't we? GENTLEMAN FIRST Yes, Griggs. We'll come to that in due course. G. Remember this is goverjiment business, {indicates to Second Gentleman to remove his hat.) JOHN With no intention of hurrying you, gentlemen, may I ask you to give us a suggestion of the purpose of your visit? FIRST We shall be pleased to enter into the unpleasant G. business when we have ascertained the identity of— SECOND What we got to knoAv is, who is the pubHsher G. 20 FIRST G. DAY JOHN JULIA BILLY JOHN JULIA SECOND G. DAY FIRST G. BILLY JOHN BILLY JULIA BILLY of this vile, corrupting book, and who is this su-du-ni-um? Easy, Griggs. I am Artemus Day, the pubHsher of the vile, corrupting book. At your service, gentlemen. And I am the writer of it. I am the su-du-ni-um. John! Please be serious. {Going across to take position between John and the ge7itlemen.) Don't confuse these gentlemen, John. Their task is heavy enough. Allow me to go on with this. I am the author of the book in question. Billy, since this unpleasant feature has developed I must insist on taking over this business. John, perhaps if you would allow these men to deliver their message to Mr. Trainor — Yes, let us arrive at the unpleasant business. Who is the author? Would it not be advisable to meet me at my office with the author, to go over this unpleasant business? I regret to say that our orders request us to dispose of it immediately. (Billy is seen to be cou7iting out some bills. He surreptitiously displays them to the gentlemen.) It might be advisable and to your advantage to postpone your investigation. (Billy has succeeded in placing m.oney in the hand of the Second Gentleman, who, during the following conversation, turns away to count it. He divides it, giving the First Gentleman half of it.) (to Billy) Allow me to handle the gentlemen, Billy. I think I can convince them that they are in error. You have done your part, John. Let me do some- thing now. Yes, for goodness sake, do allow Billy to do some- thing. You are only complicating the matter. Gentlemen — Uneasy Lies 21 Uneasy SECOND Lies G. BILLY FIRST G. SECOND G. FIRST G. SECOND G. JOHN FIRST G. DAY SECOND G. FIRST G. Stop — no more evasion. We must come to a complete understanding. I think — I think — It is our duty to warn you that if you think it will be used against you. We come here as officers of the law in the line of our duty. What do we meet with — what, I ask you? {He turns about to look at the money Billy has given him..) Yes, what? Corruption. That's what Vv^e find. Do you think we can be turned from the path of our duty? Do you think the guardians of virtue can be bought — So cheaply, {looking at the money.) {Billy is preparing to give more bills to the gentle- men.) Very well. We shall listen to you now. You probably have gathered from our presence here at this time that we come on very serious business. {The second gentleman has accepted the second offering from Billy.) There are certain things that the custodians of our morals cannot countenance. I refer, as you undoubtedly know, to the malicious promulgation of those immoral ideas that so many of our free thinkers are promulgating by the written word. Art must be curbed. Too much pleasure may result from its enjoyment. Art — Is this declamation included in your orders, sir? {looking over a paper he has drawn from his pocket.) No, there don't seem to be no mention of a declamation here. But he knows his business. {He slips part of the second money into the hand of the First Gentleman.) I certainly do know my business. {He turns to inspect the bills in his hatid.) But I do not want to inconvenience you people. If you feel that we could more expeditiously conduct this busi- ness in your office in the m.orning I feel induced to grant you that. And I may say that I hope to convince my chief that your book is not all 22 DAY FIRST G. SECOND G. DAY JOHN JULIA BETTY JOHN BETTY JOHN BETTY JULIA JOHN JULIA BILLY JULIA JOHN JULIA JOHN they think it is. In fact, it has possibiUties. {looking at the money) May we call on Mr. Day in the morning? Yes, I shall be glad to assist you with your report. Then we shall bid you good evening. Come, Griggs. I don't know yet who the su-du-ni-um is. But whoever he is, he done a pretty good thing, I'll say. Good night. {They start out.) May I see the gentlemen out? Yes, thank you, Mr. Day. {Day and the Gentle- men go out.) Now, John, I want to know what your connec- tion with this book is. {going to her father) I think the time has come to tell them, father, I am quite ready now. You are sure, my Betty? {He puts his arm around Betty.) Quite sure. And you want Billy to know? Yes. What on earth are you driving at? What has Betty to do with Helen Dale? Julia, my dear, Billy will tell you who wrote Helen Dale. Well, Billy? I am proud to tell you Mrs. Trellis, that this book {'picking up hook) was written by John Trellis, your husband. {Betty has turned and stands by the piano behind John and Julia looking up stage. If we ivere permitted to see her face we might suspect that she has touched a tear from her cheek.) Is this true, John? It is, my dear. {throwing herself into John's arms) John, for- give me. I am proud of you. Did Betty know this? Yes. Come, Juha, I shall tell you about it. {They go out.) Uneasy Iacs 23 Uneasy Lies BILLY BETTY BILLY BETTY BILLY BETTY BILLY {Betty is at the piano again playing the waltz. Billy comes over to stand in the curve of the piano.) So you knew your father wrote Helen Dale? {stops playing) Yes, I helped him with it. You helped him? Yes, I helped him because I knew the story of Helen Dale. But how could you know that? Because I knew her unfortunate experience. {rising) I am Helen Dale. {Billy looks steadily at Betty for a moment, then leans toward her offering her his hands.) Betty! {Betty lays her hands willingly in Billyhs hands.) Curtain 24 LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 017 400 024 4 •