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 k Stew in a Studio i 
 
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 Eccentric Comedy 
 
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 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 
 NEW YORK. 
 
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Class _il^ ___ 
 
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 COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 
 
A STEW IN A STUDIO 
 
 OR 
 
 CABBAGES versus ROSES 
 %n Eccentric Comefcp in €ljree %tt$ 
 
 BY 
 
 AMELIA SANFORD 
 
 Copyright, 1910, by Dick & Fitzgerald 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 DICK & FITZGERALD 
 
 18 ANN STREET 
 
f* <n A* 
 
 ^<h^ : 
 
 A STEW IN A STUDIO. 
 
 CHARACTERS. 
 
 ROSE Madder An Art Student. 
 
 Owve Green .An Art Student. 
 
 Anna Mation. 
 
 VERE DE VERE Miujon. .■ An Artist. 
 
 ORVH.I.E K. Rich. 
 
 Si Enna A Farmer. 
 
 Kitty Duffy A Servant. 
 
 Fi^ynn A Policeman. 
 
 Pouce-Sergeant. 
 Magistrate. 
 Ambulance-Surgeon. 
 Eight Guests. 
 
 Note : — Three of the guests may be doubled by the Magistrate, 
 Sergeant, and Surgeon. 
 
 Locality — New York. 
 Time of Performance— An hour and a quarter. 
 
 SYNOPSIS. 
 
 Act I. — The Studio. Two lovers in hiding, both men. 
 The love-letter and bunch of roses. The roses are pur- 
 loined and the letter falls on the cabbages. Rose reads the 
 letter ; indignation — " Am I a cabbage-head ! " A volunteer ■ 
 
 ©CI.D 17969 
 
A Stew in A Studio. 3 
 
 model on canvas. A panic caused by a snoring Bust, and 
 a voice from above results in a catastrophe. Invasion by 
 Police and arrest of the Bust and Pedestal. 
 
 Act II. — The Court-room. The Policeman's vain attempt 
 to formulate a charge against some one— he does not know 
 which one,— thinks it is the Bust. The Magistrate's di- 
 lemma. , . ..... 
 
 Act III.— The Sheet and Pillow-case masquerade. Mis- 
 taken identity. A mix-up. The right men, but the wrong 
 girls. Mutual— but mistaken— confidential confessions dis- 
 close the mistakes made under cross purposes, and the right 
 men get the right girls and all is lovely. 
 
 COSTUMES. 
 
 Rose Madder. Acts I. and II.— Large black studio-apron, 
 high neck and long sleeves. Act III.— Sheet-and-pillow-case 
 drapery, over fancy-dress as " Rose " ;— This may he of 
 white organdie over red, with small red silk cap trimmed 
 with green leaves or smilax. Or the whole costume may be 
 made of crepe paper. Be careful that it goes well with the 
 roses which she has to carry. 
 
 Olive Green. Act I.— Same as Rose. Act II.— Same. 
 Act III. — Sheet-and-pillow-case over any fancy dress; but 
 an arrangement all in green is best. 
 
 Anna Mation. Act I.— Ordinary street costume. After- 
 wards, any picturesque dress, 1830 or Empire style, with 
 large bonnet. Then street costume as at first. Act II. — 
 Same, street-costume. Act III.— Sheet-and-pillow-case over 
 fancy dress; might be the same used when posing in Act I. 
 
 Vere de Vere Million. Acts I. and II.— Ordinary dress ; 
 or he may wear loose velvet jacket and cap, with Windsor 
 tie. Act III.— Sheet-and-pillow-case drapery, over fancy 
 costume, style of "Sir Walter Raleigh." 
 
 Orville E. Rich. Acts I. and II.— Ordinary dress. Act 
 III.— Sheet-and-pillow-case drapery, over fancy dress. 
 
 Si Enna. Act I. and II.— Burlesque country costume; 
 large hat, old-fashioned collar and very deep cuffs, spattered 
 with daubs of paint; chin-whiskers; high boots, etc. Act 
 III.— Sheet-and-pillow-case drapery, over fancy dress. " Uncle 
 Sam," would be good. 
 
 Kitty Duffy. Maid's costume ;— cap, apron, linen collar 
 and cuffs. 
 
 Flynn. Police uniform. 
 
4 A Stew in A Studio. 
 
 Sergeant. Dark-blue uniform; visor cap, with coat-of- 
 arms in gilt. 
 
 Ambulance-Surgeon. White linen suit. 
 
 Guests. Sheet-and-pillow-case drapery, over fancy-dress. 
 
 SCENE PILOTS. 
 
 Act I. — Easel, with half -finished head; or the easel may 
 be kept turned away from audience. Mahl-stick, brushes, 
 palette, tube of red paint, upon a small folding stool near 
 easel; high-backed chair, pedestal with bust (antique if pos- 
 sible) table, bench; dummy (small painted wooden doll). 
 In corner, l. r v a Curtained recess, stopping just enough be- 
 low ceiling to allow room for a man's head. Cover the cur- 
 tain with fancy gim-cracks, bric-a-brac cheap or not easily 
 broken, — bronzed shield, or shields covered with college 
 colors. Also several large boxes to stand upon, and place one 
 just where Rich can put his head into it as he falls. 
 
 Act II. — Magistrate's desk, chair; — the desk may be 
 merely a large table, or it may be a high desk with a railing 
 across the top. 
 
 Act III. — Same as I. — But have a number of busts or 
 plaster casts around the wall. Table, table-cloth, dishes, 
 punch-bowl, etc. Large plate of salad. Large bunch of 
 lettuce. 
 
 INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES. 
 
 Bunch of roses, letter, for Rich. Cabbages for Olive. 
 Green cloak for Million. Large prayer-book for Anna. 
 Watch for Rose. Two plates of chicken salad for Kitty. 
 
 STAGE DIRECTIONS. 
 
 As seen by a performer on the stage facing the audience, 
 r. means right-hand; L., left-hand; a, center of stage, r. r. 
 rear right; r. l., rear left; r. f., right front; l. f., left front; 
 c. f., center front. There is only one entrance (and exit) at 
 right of rear. 
 
A STEW IN A STUDIO. 
 
 ACT. I. 
 
 SCENE.— A Studio. See Scene Plot. Exit at Right 
 Bear. Table, Right Center. High chair, Center. Cur- 
 tained recess, Left Rear. Pedestal with bust, Left 
 Front. Easel, with bench, Right-Front. 
 
 ENTER Olive Green, carrying cabbages. 
 
 Olive (places them on table, comes center, facing aud- 
 ience). Now for my beautiful idea: — A still life — shades 
 of green — (As she talks, she steps about, pulls out table, 
 arranging cabbages, etc.) No high lights; all subdued, har- 
 monious, restful. (Stands off; attitude of rapture) Divine! 
 (Looks at them through closed fist) Exquisite! (Goes r. f., 
 half-closes eyes, looks at them with head on one side) Rest- 
 ful! But I need a background. [EXIT r. r. 
 
 ENTER Orville E. Rich, carrying roses. 
 
 Rich (looking about). Ah, my exquisite Rose is not here; 
 however, she soon will be. This note (taking out letter and 
 opening it) will explain to her my feelings, and I will lay it 
 with the flowers on this er — er — (picks up stool and looks at 
 it) — er — article of furniture. (Lays flowers carefully on 
 stool. Reads note aloud) 
 " To Miss Rose Madder, 
 
 Dothewurst Sketch Club — 
 " My Dear Miss Madder : — 
 
 " I have long wished to convey to you my real feelings. 
 Reflecting on your appearance and characteristics, it seemed 
 well to leave here a little of those fair flowers of which I 
 am most reminded when I gaze upon you. 
 " Faithfully yours, 
 
 " Orville E. Rich." 
 (Speaks). Dear me, how inadequate language can be at 
 5 
 
6 A Stew in A Studio. 
 
 times! I wanted to say that she looks just like a rose, and 
 so I brought roses. But it seemed so abrupt, not to say- 
 personal. Perhaps this will be all right. (Reads again) — 
 " To leave an offering of those fair flowers, of which I am 
 most reminded when I gaze upon you." (Speaks thought- 
 fully) Seems plain enough — (Listening) Here she comes! 
 I can't get out — too embarrassing to meet her now — (Rushes 
 wildly about; sees curtains) The very thing! (Gets behind 
 curtain, knocking over a box) 
 
 ENTER Olive Green hurriedly. 
 
 Olive. I declare, it seems as if some one were in here. 
 (Comes front.) Well, I shall have to go on hunting for my 
 green background. I can't find anything; green velvet 
 would be the right thing. (Sees roses) Oh, what a study 
 in red — with red plush ! (Picks up roses, hurries out; as she 
 goes, Rich's note falls on the cabbages) I must get some 
 water for them at once. [EXIT r. r. 
 
 Rich (pushing back curtain, wiping face with handker- 
 chief). Fury, it's hot in here! Wonder if I can't get some 
 air. (Piles up boxes behind curtain, climbs up on them, 
 hastily closing curtain and looking over top of it) 
 
 ENTER Rose r. r. 
 
 Rose (looking about). I do wonder what that queer noise 
 was! Why, that curtain is crooked. (Rich hastily with- 
 draws head, clutching curtains with hands, feet, knees, or 
 anything.) How queerly it is fastened inside. Humph! 
 (Turning away) I suppose that Miss Muddle has some 
 precious clay image or putty figure hidden away. (Goes 
 center. Rich kisses hand to her over curtain.) Stay there, 
 old putty-head; I don't want you! (Sees cabbages) Why, 
 where did those come from? And they're for me — how 
 queer! (Opens note — consternation on Rich's face. Rose 
 reads aloud) "My Dear Miss Madder: — " (Speaks) Urn 
 — um — Well, I don't understand! (Reads) It seemed well 
 (slowly) to leave — here — a — little — offering — of those fair 
 flowers of which I am most reminded when I gaze upon you. 
 Faithfully yours, Orville E. Rjch." (Looks at cabbages 
 steadily for some seconds. Speaks) So, I'm a cabbagehead, 
 am I ? Well ! ! (Bursts out crying) P d-d-don't care ! I 
 think it's too mean! [EXIT r. r. 
 
 Rich. Now, where on earth were those roses! Just my 
 blooming bad luck! 
 
 ENTER Rose r. r. 
 
A Stew in A Studio. jr 
 
 Hose. I'm going to throw the old things out, anyway; 
 and I shall never let him know I got them, or his horrid old 
 note. (Stamps foot, gathers up cabbages) [EXIT r. r. 
 
 Rich. This has turned out quite otherwise from what I 
 had planned. One thing is clear; this is not a propitious 
 moment for meeting her. I must keep quiet, and when 
 Vere de Vere-Million comes in, I'll have to ask him to keep 
 her at a safe distance till I get safely out of this. I'd rather 
 ask any one else. What business has a fellow to be rich and 
 an artist too? 
 
 ENTER Vere de Vere-Million, green velvet cloak over arm. 
 
 Rich. Hello! 
 
 Million. Hello (holes about), but where are you? 
 Funny; no one about, but I could swear some one spoke. 
 (Goes over near curtain; picks up dummy doll; absurd busi- 
 ness of shaking hands with it) Did you speak, you block- 
 head? 
 
 Rich. Stop calling names, will you? 
 
 Million (looking up). What are you doing up there on 
 the ceiling? 
 
 Rich. Being miserable. Million, help me out of a scrape, 
 that's a good fellow! 
 
 Million (listens a moment, then walks rear hurriedly). I'd 
 help you, but I'm afraid of being caught myself. I annoyed 
 a certain young lady of my acquaintance, and she won't 
 speak to me. But there's a studio dance to-night — sheet and 
 pillow-case, you know, with fancy dress underneath — and I 
 shall speak to her before I unmask. So long, old man — I'll 
 send the janitor — (turns back) Where did I leave my cloak? 
 (Voices heard) There now, there she comes, and if she sees 
 me hanging around this sacred easel, she'll never get over it. 
 (Excitedly) I'll have to hide! (Gets behind pedestal of 
 bust) 
 
 ENTER Olive r. r. 
 
 Olive. Why, where are my cabbages? (Sees cloak.) 
 Here's the very identical background I've been hunting for 
 all day. Now, I'll have to get more cabbages. 
 
 [EXIT r. r., carrying cloak. 
 
 Million. A narrow escape, eh, Rich? 
 Rich. Let's make a bolt of it; I'm nearly roasted here. 
 Oh, here's some one else! 
 
 ENTER Anna Mation and Rose r. r. 
 
8 A Stew in A Studio. 
 
 Rose. I think my heart will break. The idea of being 
 treated so! (Goes to easel; stands looking at it) Well, 
 women must work, heartache or no heartache. Nan, dear — 
 
 Anna. Well? 
 
 Rose. My model is very ill. 
 
 Anna. Your what? 
 
 Rose. The model; poses to me, you know; and she's just 
 your height and coloring; and oh, Nan! I wish 
 
 Anna. I'm sort of busy, just now; but if I can do any- 
 thing for you at odd times this week 
 
 Rose (joyfully). Oh, Nan, would you? I'd be so grate- 
 ful ! It won't take up too much of your time, would it ? 
 
 Anna. Oh, I can manage. What is it you do? 
 
 Rose. You dress in the costume, and then you pose in 
 the desired attitude. 
 
 Anna. What attitude? 
 
 Rose. Just sit in a high-backed chair, holding a prayer- 
 book with your bonnet on. 
 
 Anna. A prayer-book with my bonnet on? What do I 
 put my bonnet on a prayer-book for? 
 
 Rose (slowly sarcastic). You sit with your bonnet on, 
 idiot, holding a prayer-book — supposed to be listening for 
 the church-bells, I suppose. It's for the cover of the Hap- 
 per's Buzzer. 
 
 Anna. All right; is the costume in your locker? 
 
 Rose. Yes. (Hands her the keys.) [EXIT Anna r. r. 
 
 (Rose arranges chair etc., for sitting. As she moves about, 
 Million dodges from side to side of the pedestal. Rich 
 watches from curtain-top, once he sneezes, and dodges 
 down hastily as she looks around.) 
 
 ENTER Anna, r. r. 
 
 Rose. Nan, I'm so glad to see you! I have a queer feel- 
 ing, as if I were being watched. 
 
 Anna (getting into chair). Well, you're not. You've 
 worked in this old studio till you're one bundle of nerves. 
 
 Rose (arranging her). There! (Steps back to easel) 
 Do you feel all right, dear? 
 
 Anna. Perfectly. Do I look all right? 
 
 Rose. You're simply sweet. But don't look so cheerful; 
 you're about to start for church, you know. 
 
 Anna. Well, why shouldn't I look cheerful? Ifs not to 
 be my funeral service, is it? 
 
 Rose. Oh, — you know what I mean: look as if you were 
 
A Stew in A Studio. 9 
 
 having high and lofty thoughts, like what you have at the 
 sound of the church-bell, you know. 
 
 Anna. I don't have 'em! I just wonder if my hat is on 
 straight. 
 
 Kose. Oh, Nan! (laughs) Well, anyhow: — lift your 
 eyes — not your whole head — (Anna does as instructed) 
 Roll up your eyes, and fix them on the wall over there. 
 (Pointing with mahl stick) 
 
 Anna. I'd rather keep them in my head. Oh! (Hastily 
 as Rose starts up, shaking her mahl-stick) I'll be good! 
 (Attitude) How's that? 
 
 Rose. Fine. (Paints) 
 
 (Silence.) 
 
 Anna. Rose ! 
 
 Rose. What? — Oh, don't look at me, you'll get all out of 
 drawing. What is it? 
 
 Anna. I don't want to interrupt you, but there's a spider 
 crawling on my ear. 
 
 Rose. No, it's a lock of your hair. 
 
 Anna. Well, it tickles. 
 
 Rose. Don't mind; it will spoil the shading around your 
 temples if you brush it back. 
 
 Anna. I'll try not to mind. 
 
 (Rose goes on painting. Silence) 
 
 Anna. Rose ! 
 
 Rose. Well? 
 
 Anna. What makes this prayer-book so heavy? 
 
 Rose. I guess it's the Thirty-Nine Articles; some people 
 think them of great weight. 
 
 Anna. Dear me! 
 
 (Rose goes on painting. Long silence.) 
 
 Anna. Rose ! 
 
 Rose. Well? 
 
 Anna. My foot's going to sleep. 
 
 Rose. You won't mind when you get used to it. 
 
 Anna. How soon shall I get used to it? 
 
 (Rose goes on painting. Silence.) 
 
 Anna. Rose ? 
 
 Rose. Well? 
 
 Anna. I don't believe I can spare more than an hour, 
 just now. 
 
 Rose. All right, dear. (Goes on painting) 
 
 Anna (impatiently). Well, it's more than an hour now, 
 isn't it? 
 
io A Stew in A Studio. 
 
 Rose. Mercy, no! 
 
 Anna. How long is it? 
 
 Rose {looking at watch). Nineteen minutes. 
 
 Anna. Gracious ! 
 
 {Silence.) 
 
 Anna. Rose ! 
 
 Rose {sharply). Shut your mouth! 
 
 Anna {rising indignantly). Why, Rose Madder, what do 
 you mean by speaking to me like that! 
 
 Rose {appealingly) . Dearest, will you sit down and keep 
 your mouth closed a minute? I'm at work at the corner of 
 your upper lip, and I'm so afraid you will lose the pose. 
 
 Anna. Now I'm up, let me look at it. {Looks over Rose's 
 shoulder) Why! {Disgusted, pointing) Do you mean to 
 tell me I look like that wall-eyed, wry-necked, red-nosed 
 
 Rose. Why, I haven't got in all the values yet. This is 
 the beginning of the composition. 
 
 Anna. It looks like the beginning of a Decomposition. 
 {Walks front) Those cheeks are exactly the color of a moldy 
 cheese ! 
 
 Rose. Well, just pose a little, tiny bit longer, till I get 
 some color into them. {Squeezes a great quantity of red 
 paint out on to palette) 
 
 (Anna resumes pose. Rose goes on painting. Million goes 
 to sleep behind the pedestal, and begins to snore gently 
 at regular intervals.) 
 
 Anna. I hear a sound. 
 
 Rose. It's one of the subway trains. 
 
 ENTER Si Enna. Stares about. Comes c. 
 
 Si. Good-mornin', gals. Is this the Dothewurst Studdy- 
 oh? 
 
 Rose {correcting his pronunciation). This is a Stu-dio. 
 
 Si. Stewed what? 
 
 Rose {still speaking very distinctly). This is Dothewurst 
 Studio. Did you want any of the students? 
 
 Si. Stewed ants? No, thank you! I don't want any 
 stewed ants! I've et my breakfast. 
 
 Anna. May I ask if you are here to see some particular 
 person ? 
 
 Si. Wall, no; he ain't so particular as some; when he was 
 at our house, last summer, painting a picture in our back 
 yard, he used the clean clothes Ma'd just hung out, to wipe 
 his brushes on. No, he ain't what you'd call pertic'ler. But 
 he had the same name as this here studdy-oh. 
 
A Stew in A Studio. 11 
 
 Anna and Rose. Professor Dothewurst! (Are you a 
 friend of his? {They come down and stand one on each 
 side, looking up at him) 
 
 Si. Well, no; I ain't exactly a friend to no feller what 
 paints up all my best Sunday collars and cuffs. Ye sh'd 
 have seen me goin' to meetin' the next Sabbath! Ma, she 
 couldn't get the paint out no way; and I hadn't no others; 
 so I jest had to wear 'em. But I sure was riled. There 
 was green and yellow streaks on my collar, and one cuff 
 was all different shades of red; 'nd the other was the victim 
 of his tryin' to get something that looked like a sunset. And 
 I had to pass the plate, that Sunday; and every time I 
 reached out over a pew, them pesky cuffs was revealed in 
 all their glory. Par, he ses on the way home, — " Si, them 
 colors was so loud we couldn't hear the singin'." No, I 
 ain't no friend to the Professor. But he was spreading paint 
 all over a little, teeny scrap of canvas; said it was "to 
 order"; and the sum he expected to get for that was more 
 than we paid for having the whole barn painted. So I 
 thought Pd come to town, this bein' a dull time at home, and 
 see if I could get the Professor to give me the price of them 
 spoiled cuffs in a few lessons in the noble art of chargm* 
 high prices. 
 
 Rose. Well, if the Professor comes in, we'll tell him. 
 What name shall I say? 
 
 Si. Enna; Si Enna is my name. {Starting out r., talking 
 as he goes) I'll just get my bag stowed away, get a few 
 collars that don't look like Fourth o' July, and then I'll be 
 back after a while, and [EXIT r. r. 
 
 (Rose and Anna hegin re-arranging pose. Million gives a 
 loud snore. They scream.) 
 
 Anna. WHAT was that! 
 
 {Another snore. Rich sneezes, then hastily ducks down.) 
 
 Rose. It was that bust over there. {Starts to see) 
 
 Anna {pulling her back). Oh, Rose, don't! Come away! 
 
 Rich {behind curtain). That's right; don't interfere with 
 a man when he's on a bust. 
 
 Rose {running r., drops palette, paint-side up). Ghosts!! 
 
 [EXIT r. r. screaming. 
 
 Anna {looking about fearfully). I wonder if there are 
 spirits here. 
 
 Rich {in deep tones). Yea, verily; spirits of turpentine! 
 
 Anna {stepping back). Oh, I am so frightened! {Faints, 
 
12 A Stew in A Studio. 
 
 falling with side of face on Rose's palette, gets smudges of 
 red on face, dress and hands) 
 
 Million {coming out). Poor little girl, she's frightened 
 almost to death. {Tries to revive her) 
 
 Rich. It was a shame — {Pushing bach curtains, and 
 getting down) But the situation was becoming intolerable. 
 {Coming c.) So I spoke. 
 
 Million. I should say you did, you cheerful idiot. {Looks 
 about) And here's a palette all set with red paint, and — ye 
 gods, what a ghastly picture! I guess that's what made her 
 faint. Well, I'll go call a doctor. {Listening) I believe 
 Miss Madder is coming back. (Rich hastily goes behind 
 curtains) [EXIT Million. 
 
 ENTER Si Enna, r. r. 
 
 Si. Hello, what in the nation! {Sees Anna) What ails 
 this girl? {LooJcs at her horrified) Blood! blood all over 
 her, and she — dead; one o' them beauteous young stewed- 
 ants with whom I was conversin' just previous to the last 
 time I went out of here. I'd better be calling for help. 
 
 [EXIT r. r. with a rush. 
 
 Rich. I must make a bolt for it, now. {Stumbles, and 
 falls, curtain all about him — shields, etc., sticJcing out in 
 every direction; gets head jammed into one of the boxes, his 
 hands tangled up in curtain; stumbles about) 
 
 ENTER Policeman, followed by Si. 
 
 Police. What's all this? What's this wooden-headed 
 porcupine dancing about? {Rapid pantomime; Rich finally 
 caught and held by Si) 
 
 Si. Now, officer, go on, and see what proceeding are 
 necessary to proceed with for that lovely damsel now wel- 
 tering in her gore. 
 
 Police. She sure is. {Looking at her, feels pulse, etc.) 
 But she's not dead. I'll ring up an ambulance. [EXIT r. r. 
 
 ENTER Rose, r. r. 
 
 Rose. Oh, — what does it all mean? 
 
 Rich {struggling violently in Si's arms). Rose, dearest! 
 
 Rose {haughtily, to Si). Sir, you surprise me! 
 
 Si. That language, dear lady, did not proceed from me, 
 but from this here assortment of old junk which I am now 
 trying to control. {Puts Rich finally on floor, and sits on 
 him) 
 
A Stew in A Studio. 13 
 
 ENTER Policeman, followed by Ambulance Surgeon. 
 
 Police. Here, Doctor, here's the lady. 
 
 (Anna opens eyes. Surgeon raises her to sitting position. 
 She looks about, dazed.) 
 
 Surgeon. Any pain, madam? 
 
 Rose. Oh, Anna dear, what is it? 
 
 ENTER Olive, followed by Million. 
 
 Olive. Oh Doctor, do save our poor dear friend ! 
 
 Surgeon. She seems to be covered with blood, and yet I 
 can find no cuts or abrasions. 
 
 Rose. Anna, dear, who hurt you? 
 
 Anna. No one ; but that bust over there began to talk 
 
 All. Where? 
 
 Anna (pointing). That one. And — I — don't — (confused; 
 hand to head) know what happened next. But — Rose ! what's 
 this stuff all over me ? 
 
 Rose (excitedly). "Why, Anna Mation! You've fallen 
 into the crimson lake! 
 
 Anna (looking about). Lake? Where? 
 
 Rose. On my palette; I dropped it, and you — but where 
 is it ? (Runs about, hunting) 
 
 Anna (sitting up). I didn't get into any lake. 
 
 Surgeon (pointing to Rose). What's the matter with 
 her? 
 
 Anna. The chief thing that ails her is, she's lost her wits, 
 I think. 
 
 Surgeon. Temporary derangement? I'd better look after 
 her. 
 
 Anna. She's feeling bad because she has no palette; you 
 can't get on without a pallette, you know. 
 
 Surgeon (with interest). I should say not. How can she 
 speak so plainly? I never saw a case like it. (Follows Rose 
 about) 
 
 Police. What kind of a crazy mess is this? (Looks off 
 r.) I see the street-sergeant; I'll speak to him; 'tis too much 
 for me. [EXIT r. r. 
 
 Surgeon (to Rose — puts hand on her shoulder — tries to 
 open her mouth). Don't be excited, young lady. Is it true 
 that you have no palate? 
 
 Rose (indignantly — trying to push him away). Yes; but 
 what are you doing to my mouth ? G'way ! 
 
 Surgeon. I'm trying to make out how you can speak so 
 plainly without any palate. 
 
14 A Stew in A Studio. 
 
 {Lively action; Surgeon and Kose, Si and Eich.) 
 
 Eich. It's time for more than speech 
 
 (Jumps up suddenly, upsetting Si, stumbles and falls on top 
 of him, and the two of them upset the Surgeon.) 
 
 ENTEE Policeman, followed by Sergeant. 
 
 Sergeant. Now, now! what's all this? (To Surgeon) I 
 guess there's no one here sick enough for you, is there, 
 Doctor? 
 
 Surgeon. I'd like to watch one case here, but it's not in 
 my line, and I've a lot of cases in senior surge, — so good- 
 bye. [EXIT r. r. 
 
 Sergeant. Flynn, you should arrest the one that started 
 the mischief. Who was it? 
 
 Anna and Eose (pointing to bust). That. 
 
 Elynn (attitude; front-centre; staring at bust). Well, 
 honest to goodness, how would any one arrest that! 
 
 Sergeant. Come, come; let's get on; Magistrate's Court 
 No 4 is right next door, and he's there now. Go ahead; 
 Elynn, you take the bust, and I'll close the procession with 
 this assortment of miscellany. (Seizing Eich, who kicks out 
 in all directions; mistakes Eich's foot for a hand, and Eich 
 walks on his hands, and other foot) 
 
 QUICK CUETAIN. 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 SCENE. — Magistrate's Court Room. See Scene Plot. 
 Magistrate sitting at desk, r. f., back to audience. 
 Great noise outside. 
 
 ENTEE Elynn, bust under one arm, carrying pedestal; sets 
 it up, c. f., followed by Million, Olive, Anna, Eose, Si, 
 and Sergeant dragging Eich. 
 
 Sergeant. Your Honor, this looks like a case of Breach 
 of the Peace — I found officer Flynn, of the 19th precinct, 
 having some trouble, and we brought them all around here. 
 These are the prisoners. 
 
 Magistrate (looks at them astonished). Hold up your 
 right hand. To Police) You do solemnly swear that the 
 evidence you are about to give shall be the truth, the whole 
 
A Stew in A Studio. *5 
 
 truth", and nothing but the truth s' keep you go 
 
 with mood all oyer n 5, back ^.^ ft surgeon> 
 
 Doctor started to operate on one of the young j**-*"^ 
 hur too much, and the Sergeant comes in and tells me to 
 arfest this here graven image, (laying ^^^^Z 
 
 Magistrate (interrupting angrily), bee Here, see °ere, 
 what sort of a yarn is this? Officer, will you tell a straight 
 
 St Pohoe. How can I tell a straight story about such a pipe- 
 dream a" that there studio was? The £"*?? *& 
 come in and seen it, the same as I. Ask him yer Honor. 
 
 Magistrate. Sergeant, what have you to say? 
 
 Sergeant Well, it seems to be a general mix-up. But 
 thereTsome trick about this bust that set them all off and 
 some fellow tangled up in that curtain seems to have scared 
 the voung ladies half out of their wits. 
 
 Magistrate (to Rich). You boxed-up man, what have 
 
 ^Eioh! 3 Tour Honor, I only ask to get out of this smother- 
 ing thing. 
 
 (Sergeant and Police try io pull him out; c™of Owh! 
 from Rich; screams and exclamations from girls.) 
 
 Magistrate. Ton certainly got into a tight box, ^ this 
 time! Take him to the carpenter in the next street, get that 
 V>nv tflkpn off and bring him back later. 
 
 RkI I feel like accusing some one of attempted man- 
 slaughter. 
 
 Magistrate. Whom? 
 
 Eich. Vere de Vere Million. 
 
 Rr° N bh H yo4e there, are you? If you'd not left me 
 sweltering in this thing till I was nearly frantic 
 
1$ A Stew in A Studio. 
 
 Magistrate. Who put you in there? 
 
 Rich. That — er — er — I could hardly tell it was all so 
 sudden. 
 
 Million (pointing to Kich). Your Honor, I accuse him. 
 He nearly caused the death of a young lady by frightening 
 her 
 
 Kose. And he called me a cabbage-head 
 
 Kich. What! 
 
 Magistrate. But what's this bust doing here? 
 
 Anna and Rose. Why, that's what frightened us so. 
 
 Magistrate. How ? 
 
 Anna. It snored. 
 
 Magistrate (sitting bach in disgust, begins putting away 
 papers, etc.). I've heard every sort of criminal, but I never 
 expected to pass judgment on a snoring bust. It's well for 
 you I'm a good-natured man, or I'd send you all to the 
 County Asylum; — accent on the first syllable: ass, hey Ser- 
 geant? (They laugh) The whole thing is, some sneak thief 
 tried to scare you. Any articles missing there lately? 
 
 Olive. My cabbages 
 
 Rose. Your cabbages? 
 
 Million. And my green velvet cloak i 
 
 Olive. Your green velvet cloak? 
 
 (All stare at each other.) 
 
 Magistrate. I should say the real perpetrator of the mis- 
 chief had not yet been found. Here we find a well-disposed 
 young man, tightly fastened in a box, and nearly helpless in 
 the folds of some heavy material, which has the appearance 
 of having been violently twisted about him; a young lady 
 unconscious for some time, with something on her that looks 
 like the work of the Black Hand; various articles missing, 
 further damages not yet fully known. Sergeant, what do 
 you suggest? 
 
 Sergeant. I think, your Honor, that a watch might be 
 kept on the premises to-night. 
 
 Magistrate. Very good. Meanwhile, you can all go home 
 on your own recognizances, except that Boxer (pointing 
 to Rich), and I'll hold him in a thousand dollar bail for 
 further hearing to-morrow at ten o'clock. You will all have 
 to return as witnesses. Give me your names. (Beginning to 
 write) 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
A Stew in A Studio. 17 
 
 ACT III. 
 
 SCENE. — Studio. Furniture as in Act I. Plaster-casts 
 against wall, table set, rear, for refreshments. Lights 
 low. 
 
 ENTER Flynn r. r. 
 
 Flynn (looking about fearfully, steps cautiously). 'Tis 
 entirely too much loike a cimit'ry to be pleasant. Howiver, 
 " ye must watch," sez the sergeant, and that's what I'll do. 
 (Walks about; knocks on wall with club) Nothin' doin'; 
 I'll just rest a bit. If this wuz a cimit'ry, the ghosts wud 
 soon begin to walk. 
 
 (Comes around in front of easel. Sits down on bench and 
 settles for a nap.) 
 
 ENTER Million in sheet and pillow-case. Goes l. f., sits in 
 high-backed chair. Pushes up drapery a little, showing 
 face to audience. Wipes face with a corner of the sheet. 
 
 Million. Well, my dear little Olive will soon be here, 
 and then I'll settle the matter. I heard her say she would 
 come to the studio early, so as to see the maid they've hired 
 to cater for us. She'll certainly come in here, and then I'm 
 going to find out why she doesn't like me. (Yawns) So 
 much excitement tires a man out; I'm — going — to — wait — 
 (Yawns) till — she — (Sleeps) 
 
 ENTER Rich; comes c. 
 
 Rich. Now I'm going to find out, before the rest of these 
 tiresome people come, why on earth Rose didn't like my 
 flowers, this morning; and what she meant by saying that I 
 called her a cabbage-head. My Rose, — oh, to see her just a 
 moment, and settle this cruel misunderstanding. She has no 
 idea how I love her. (Tragic attitude) It is no use being 
 so timorous and shy. Next time I see her alone, I am going 
 to boldly assert my feelings in a perfectly frank and ingenu- 
 ous manner — (Million moves slightly) What do I see. 
 There, there, in that old chair, my darling sleeps. (Bending 
 over her, hand on heart) There is no mistaking the droop 
 of that lovely head. (Attitude) Dare I? I will — Faint 
 heart ne'er won fair lady. (Puts arm gently about Million, 
 who stirs a little, sits up) 
 
18 A Stew in A Studio. 
 
 Million. What soft arms now encircle me? Can it be 
 that my little Olive has relented, and cannot but show her 
 love? Now, now, when I had almost feared to speak? 
 {Turns to Kich, throws arms about him) 
 
 Kich and Million {together). You dear girl. 
 
 (Both jump up.) 
 
 Eich. Who the deuce are you? 
 
 Million. What are you doing here? {They wrestle) 
 
 Both. Help — murder — thieves — fire 
 
 Flynn {wakes, looks around easel). Powers above. 
 {Trembles) Orders is orders, but did I iver think I'd arrest 
 ghosts ? 
 
 ENTER Kitty with plate of chicken-salad. 
 
 Kitty. Oh, wirra, wirra. {Sees Flynn, who beckons her 
 behind easel) Oh, Mister Flynn, I came up to have some of 
 the gents try this salad all right, — but wud the loikes uv thim 
 ate the loikes uv this? 
 
 Flynn. Aisy now — {They sit on bench, peering around 
 easel) 
 
 Rich. See here, is it you, Million? 
 
 Million. Yes, — is that you, Rich? 
 
 Rich. Yes. Let's stop this scrapping, and talk things up 
 a bit. {They push back face-coverings and come c. f.) 
 
 Kitty {clinging to Flynn). Och, they're afther us! 
 
 Flynn. Niver fear, darlin', I'm here. {Arm about her; 
 they listen) 
 
 Rich. Million, let's see if we can't help one another. 
 Here's Miss Rose Madder; — and a madder Rose never was. 
 She maintains that I called her a cabbage-head. 
 
 Million. And Olive thinks I'm cruel, because I'm trying 
 to make her give up that old still-life and do designing. So 
 there you are. 
 
 Rich. Let's exchange girls this evening and each try to 
 smooth out things for the other. See? You take Rose and 
 tell her what a nice fellow I am, and 
 
 Million. I see; and I'll do the same for you, talking to 
 Olive. But now, how are we to know which is which? 
 
 Kitty {emerging suddenly). Good-avenin', gintlemin. 
 Yez got on me nerves at firrst, but I see ye'r jist two nice 
 byes wid troubles av yer own. Kin I hilp yez? I'm Kitty 
 Duffy, the maid they had in to help for the studio-dance 
 this avenin'. 
 
 Rich. Yes, Kitty, you see we're expecting two young 
 
A Stew in A Studio. 19 
 
 ladies, rigged in these same togs (holding up sheet) for a 
 disguise. We have to choose partners for the dance, not 
 knowing which lady is which, till we all throw aside our 
 sheets, and come out in fancy dress. 
 
 Kitty. Sure, that's aisy enough. I do be goin' down 
 now, to hilp thim dress, and I'll notice, by some way uv me 
 own, and let yez know. 
 
 Million. All right; thank you, Kitty. 
 
 [EXIT Kitty r. r. 
 
 (Million and Rich go l. r., stand together, whispering) 
 
 Flynn (aside). Well now, things is gettin' more human- 
 like; a love-affair — two av thim — includin' me own, three 
 av thim: for if 'twas Kitty Duffy made this salad (tasting) 
 begorry, I'm hers for life. (Takes more salad) There's 
 toimes whin night duty ain't so bad. 
 
 ENTER Kitty, running. 
 
 Kitty (to Rich and Million). The young lady comm' first 
 is the wan yez call " Rose," and jist afther her will be the 
 wan called " Olive." 
 
 Rich. Good for you, Kitty! » 
 
 (Kitty goes behind easel; tries to get plate from Flynn/ 
 boxes his ears; they sit side by side, eat the salad, and 
 9.) 
 
 ENTER Olive, in sheet and pillow-case. Comes front, 
 pushes back drapery from face, brushes back hair, etc. 
 
 Olive. I wonder where Kitty is; the guests will all be 
 here before I have a chance to see if the refreshments are 
 right. (Looks about, hastily covering face again as she 
 spies the men) 
 
 Rich (aside). There's my Rose; now, Million, see what 
 you can do for me. 
 
 Million (goes forward, bows). Miss Rose Madder? 
 
 Olive (aside). What fun! He thinks I'm Rose. I don't 
 see what made her act so queerly about coming in; she was 
 'way ahead of me, and then turned back and began to cry. 
 Well, I'll keep this up and see what it comes to. 
 
 Million (who has been uneasily fidgetting about, starting 
 to rear, and then returning). Miss Madder. (Olive stands 
 motionless) Don't try to fool me; I know you are Miss 
 Madder. 
 
20 A Stew in A Studio. 
 
 {Other guests begin coming in, rear; one at a time; silently 
 wave ghostly arms, and group themselves in rear. 
 Among them Si and Anna.) 
 
 Million. This is a festive occasion, meant to be such, 
 but sadness may lurk in the most festive scene. Just now, 
 my friend Rich is the most unhappy man I know; except 
 myself. 
 
 Olive. Except yourself? Why are you unhappy? 
 
 Million. Oh, Miss Kose, why dwell on that? Suffice it 
 to say, that both my friend and myself have incurred the 
 displeasure of two of the loveliest of girls. I cannot see 
 why you should frown on poor Orville Rich 
 
 Olive. I haven't. {Laughs) 
 
 Million. But he feels that you are somehow displeased. 
 
 Olive. And what have you done to Miss Olive Green? 
 
 Million. My dear lady, if I only knew 
 
 Olive. And what have you done to Miss Olive Green? 
 
 Million. I would like an answer to that, myself. I sus- 
 pect it is because I object to her wasting her time on that 
 wretched still-life 
 
 Olive (stiffly). I think it is very good still-life. 
 
 Million. It is good, because everything she does is good. 
 (Olive makes a motion of delight, then checks herself) But 
 she is such a little genius about designing. 
 
 Olive (with interest). Is that so? 
 
 Million. Indeed she has a rare gift for it. Professor 
 Dothewurst says 
 
 Olive. Never mind what he says ; do you really think 
 
 Million (surprised). Really, I had no idea you valued my 
 opinion so much. 
 
 Olive. I didn't, before. But this changes things. 
 
 Million (rather blankly). Oh, well, I know that Miss 
 Olive is the most original and artistic 
 
 Olive. It's my opinion that had you talked to her that 
 way 
 
 Million. I was going to, and I was getting to it if she'd 
 given me a chance. (Slowly) I — suppose — I — didn't begin 
 right. But it was maddening to see her piling up that 
 market-garden stuff, and when I tried to tell her it was 
 beneath her art 
 
 Olive (forgetting herself). You didn't say anything like 
 that ; you said, " I hate to see you do such poor things." 
 
 Million. Well, isn't that the same thing? 
 
 Olive (contemptuously). No, 
 
A Stew in A Studio. 21 
 
 Million. What do you know about it, anyway? has Olive 
 been talking to you ? 
 
 Olive. I — er — er — overheard some of the conversation. 
 
 Million. Whatever I said, that was what I meant; but 
 she sailed out past me with her nose in the air — did you ever 
 realize what a beautiful little nose she has? 
 
 Olive. Why no; I never thought she had a pretty nose. 
 
 Million. I'm surprised at you: — why, it's beautiful. 
 
 Olive. Glad you like it. Well, when she and her beauti- 
 ful nose had gone, what then? 
 
 Million. Then, there was the most extraordinary stew — 
 the worst kind of a stew, and oh! 
 
 Olive. What? 
 
 Million. I'd forgotten, in all the commotion, — but my 
 cloak's gone — my green velvet cloak. 
 
 Olive (excitedly and jerkily — leaning toward him, and 
 waving her draped arms). Your green velvet cloak? Your 
 green velvet cloak? Your green velvet cloak? 
 
 Million. Yes, yes; I have on a Walter Raleigh suit un- 
 der this rig, and I was to wear a cloak ; and then I'd planned 
 such a nice little effect when we unmasked ; — I was going to 
 spread the cloak before Miss Green, with a low bow, to show 
 her that she was queen of my heart. Now, (sadly) it's all 
 spoiled. 
 
 Olive. Perhaps not. Suppose, now, she were to spread 
 the cloak before you? 
 
 Million (excitedly). I'd know she loved me, then; but 
 that's past hoping for. But oh, Miss Madder, here I am 
 talking about my own affairs, and not saying a word about 
 poor Orville Rich. Try to be kind to him, won't you ? Don't 
 turn away from the one who loves you. 
 
 Olive (softly, laughing). I won't. But oh, I forgot; the 
 guests are all coming, and I am not receiving them. (They 
 go rear, business of waving draped arms, laughing, pairing 
 off for dance, etc. Rose and Rich come front, talking earn- 
 estly) 
 
 Rich. My dear Miss Green, I hope I have succeeded in 
 proving to you that a better fellow than Vere de Vere Mil- 
 lion never lived. I should not like to see him so unhappy as 
 I am at this moment 
 
 (Confusion in rear of room; some cries, laughter.) 
 
 First Guest. 'Tis not so; ask Rich. 
 
 All. Rich, Rich, where are you? which are you? 
 
22 A Stew in A Studio. 
 
 Eich (to Rose). Excuse me. (To others) What is it? 
 (Goes rear to guests; more low talking; laughter) 
 
 Rose (pushing back draperies from face, arranging hair, 
 etc.). I'm glad to get this hot thing off my face for a 
 minute, and breathe. But what fun this is. He seems to 
 think I'm Olive; well, let him think so; perhaps I shall find 
 out now why he treated me so. (Pushes back draperies as 
 Rich returns, laughing) 
 
 Rich. They wanted to know if it was true that the 
 dummy and the Antique head had a fight here this morn- 
 ing. Well, I was saying that Million was very unhappy 
 about you. May I confide my own trouble, now? 
 
 Rose. Yes. 
 
 Rich. This morning, I felt that I must let Miss Madder 
 know how much I — ah — well, I'd rather not say that right 
 out before I say it to her. But, — you know 
 
 Rose. I know. (Aside) Dear old thing. 
 
 Rich. So, to sort of prepare her, you know, I brought in 
 a bunch of American Beauty roses — see? Her name's Rose, 
 and she's like a rose, and so I tried to say, in a note which 
 I left. (Rose starts violently) After that, I — er 
 
 Rose (slyly). I suppose you went out, then. 
 
 Rich. I — er — er — that isn't what I did. 
 
 Rose. Do you think she received the roses? 
 
 Rich. She certainly received the note; I — er — heard so; 
 but she goes about, saying that I called her a "cabbage 
 head." What am I to think? 
 
 Rose (eagerly). Think that she made a mistake, that 
 probably she's awfully sorry, and anxious to make up with 
 you, somehow. 
 
 Rich. That's too much like heaven to be true. 
 
 Si (running about, waving arms). Well, well, where's the 
 music? aren't the ghosts going to dance? 
 (Quadrille music — any square dance, — begin for two sets 
 — general outcry.) 
 
 All. We're a couple short; two people didn't come. 
 
 Flynn and Kitty (coming out). If it will help, we'll fill 
 out a set. 
 
 All. Good. Come on, etc. 
 
 (Dance. At end of dance, Kitty runs about, collecting 
 sheets and pillow-cases which the guests hastily take 
 off, emerging in fancy costumes. All curtsey or bow to 
 their partners, laughing, pair off in couples, scatter about 
 
A Stew in A Studio. 23 
 
 rear of stage. Kitty runs off with sheets and returns, 
 begins to serve refreshments, assisted by the men.) 
 
 Rose (coming f. hurriedly with Olive). Olive, those 
 roses you found this morning belong to me — they were left 
 there for me — and I want them, quick. 
 
 Olive. Oh, I beg your pardon, — and I want something 
 to carry out my own costume, too; come on. 
 
 [EXIT Rose and Olive. 
 
 Rich (coming p. with Million). "Well, old chap, I'm 
 afraid it's no use. Our fair damosels won't even stay in 
 the same room with us. 
 
 Million. I know. If we can't be happy, we can perhaps 
 be good; so let's go back and do the civil thing to the com- 
 pany. 
 
 Rich. It's hard, old man. (They turn; Rich goes rear, 
 
 ENTER Olive, comes f. with green velvet cloak, spreads it 
 before Million with low curtsey, looks up at him, laugh- 
 ing. Tableau. 
 
 (Kitty and Flynn go around behind easel, peer around at 
 them.) 
 
 Flynn. Kitty, there's a model for ye. 
 
 (Kitty chases him out r. ; They return slyly with more salad, 
 sit on bench and eat it, all but the lettuce-leaves,) 
 
 Million. Olive, my dear girl, what does this mean? 
 Olive. It means, sir, that I can hear amazingly well 
 through a sheet. 
 
 (They put the cloak on, around them both, and go L, P., 
 
 behind pedestal.) 
 ENTER Rose, roses on her arm. Goes f., looks around piti- 
 fully. Rich hurries to her. 
 
 Rose. Mr. Rich, I have not yet thanked you for these 
 beautiful roses. Is it too late to say how I appreciate them, 
 and that I am sorry I have only one rose to offer you in re- 
 turn? 
 
 Rich. One Rose. — Miss Madder, — Rose — do you really 
 mean it? (She takes a rose, lays it across her heart and 
 gives it to him. He holds it and her hand, looking at her. 
 Tableau. Behind the easel. Kitty and Flynn burlesque 
 them with lettuce) 
 
 Si. Come, come, let's have another dance. Where are 
 you all? 
 
24 A Stew in A Studio. 
 
 Anna. Where are they all? (Buns behind easel) Oh — 
 beg pardon, I'm sure. 
 
 Si (at the same moment dodging around pedestal). My, 
 my, what a loving world this is, to be sure. 
 
 (Kose and Eich, Olive and Million, Si and Anna, Kitty 
 and Flynn, all form half -circle. Guests in a line be- 
 hind them.) 
 Kose. Such a happy ending to a most trying day. 
 Si. It was a reg'lar stew. 
 Olive. A cabbage-stew, hey, Rose? 
 Flynn. I think mesilf, 'twas an Irish stew. 
 Music : Old Tune — " My Father and Mother were Irish." 
 Chorus : " We won't go Home until Morning "— 
 
 Oh, this is the Dothewurst Sketch Club, 
 Oh, this is the Dothewurst Sketch Club, 
 Oh, this is the Dothewurst Sketch Club; 
 And what was all the stew? 
 
 "A man got into a tight-box." 
 And that was all the stew. 
 
 Si. " There was a girl in a temper, " etc." 
 
 Chorus: And that Was all the stew. 
 
 Anna. " There was a snoring old image, etc." 
 Chorus: And that was all the stew. 
 
 All. " There was a misunderstanding, etc." 
 And that was all the stew. 
 
 (Orchestra continues playing this melody in waltz time. 
 All pair off, and waltz around the stage, red lights ) 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE 
 
 A Comedy in Three Ads, by Frank H. Bernard 
 
 PRICE 25 CENTS 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 Philip Morningside, a promising New York Attorney. 
 Major Philander Mumfo'rd, a Veteran of '61. 
 Pierre Marquette, of Paris and New York. 
 
 Patrick Mooney, M. P., Secretary of the Home Rule Association* 
 Peter Martin, a timid young man with a desire to be "sporty." 
 Paul Marvel, a private detective. 
 
 Phyllis Morningside, Philip's up-to-date wife with ambitions. 
 Phoebe Martingale, has been a widow on four occasions. 
 Penelope Mumford. a veritable "butter-in" at all times. 
 Patrice Mumford, her only child. She has just "come out." 
 Angela ) 
 
 Alice >• Trio of Vassar "bright lights." 
 Amy ) 
 
 Pansy, a housemaid of tie "fresh" variety. 
 Patience, who also assumes "domestic" affairs. 
 
 Two Scenes, One Interior and One Exterior. 
 Time of Representation — -Two hours. 
 Phyllis, wife of Philip, is to inherit the fortune of a deceased East 
 Indian uncle, provided she marries his adopted son, who presumably is about 
 to visit her. Being already married and most desirous of obtaining the 
 fortune, she conceals the matter from her husband. Two men call upon 
 her bearing introductory letters which she does not read, supposing each in 
 turn to be the adopted son. The subterfuges she invents to account for 
 their presence lead to many perplexing mistakes, which are finally satis- 
 factorily arranged when it transpires that her husband is identified as the 
 adopted son. 
 
 THE RED ROSETTE, 
 
 A WESTERN DRAMA IN THREE ACTS, BY GORDON V. MAY 
 
 PRICE 25 CENTS 
 
 A typical drama of the Far West. The Major in command of a military 
 fort advertises in New York papers for a wife, and elicits a response from 
 a rich middle-aged lady. As a means of identification, each is to wear a red 
 rosette. The lady arrives accompanied by her niece. The rosettes get 
 into other hands, resulting in complications both ludicrous and serious. The 
 niece is abducted and rescued by a young offioer, a previous West Point 
 acquaintance. The results are obvious. This play offers fine opportunities 
 for character parts, and is replete with startling situations. 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 Major Philander Braggs, who owns one rosette. ..,, 5 ,„,»,»• • Character 
 Miss Ophelia Skidder, who owns the opposite rosette ...,,,..,... Old Lady 
 
 Lieut. Philip Manley, who gets the Major's rosette. , . , ,...».. Lead 
 
 Clare Brooks, who gets the other rosette .,..,..,.,,,,,,,,.,. Lead 
 
 Robert Ruthvan, who gets into trouble. ,.,.,...,,,.,.,, f Heavy 
 
 Dandy Davis, who gets his deserts ..,,.,., ,y ,,,.. t ,,. , Heavy 
 
 Tom Scott, Sheriff, who gets his man,.,,, ,,.,,,,,., Straight 
 
 Pop Bowxey, who gets some boarders.,.,.., ,....,,,,.,... Straight 
 
 Kitty" IteWijgY, who gets Tom Scott. .,...,,.*.., Ingenue 
 
 TS#£g ScStfgs, TVo IstTttloa AOT) On£ fixaSStos. 
 Time of RfipRKSBNTATiotf^fwd heram 
 
The Triple Wedding 
 
 A Drama in Three Acts 
 
 Bi| Charles Barnard 
 
 PRICE 15 CENTS 
 
 Four male, four female characters. A self-made man, two lawyers, a 
 would-be author, three young ladies and a maidservant. Time of play- 
 ing, i hour. 3 interior scenes. 
 
 SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 
 
 Act I. — Poverty. Buttonholes, four cents a dozen. A diffident lover. 
 The uncle's will. Greenfield discovers his parentage. His sacrifice. 
 
 Act II. — The search for the heir. The young lover's expectations. The 
 man with no name. A new tombstone. Clara accepts the inheritance. 
 
 Act III. — The missing heir is found. He discovers his father. Green- 
 field and Clara. The triple wedding. 
 
 ERIN 00 BRAQH 
 
 IRISH DRAMA IN THREE ACTS 
 
 By BERNARD F. MOORE 
 
 PRICE 25 CENTS 
 
 Five male, four female characters. Eccentric old man, character heavy, 
 leading juvenile, walking gentleman, character comedy. Leading juvenile 
 lady, walking lady, heavy character, soubrette. The action is dramatic 
 throughout, with a startling climax. Time of playing, z hours, i interior, 
 2 exterior scenes. 
 
 SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 
 
 Act I. — The convict's escape O'Brien's betrayal. The truce. 
 Act II. — "Erin go bragh!" Trapped. The forced promise. 
 Act III. — The rebel's pardon. The promise redeemed. Death of Branni* 
 gan. Revelation. 
 
Plays for Female Characters 
 
 CHEERFUL COMPANION, A IS cents. A duologue for two female 
 characters, adapted from a Character Sketch by Ina Leon Cassilis. Parlor scene. 
 Time, 25 minutes. A lady of refinement advertised for a cheerful, musical companion, 
 a good reader. She has one applicant, who proves to be tearfully doleful, garrulous 
 over disappointed love failures, and an unmitigated bore. A fine scope for character 
 delineation. 
 
 CRANFORD DAMES. 15 cents. A play for 8 or 14 female charac- 
 ters, by Alice Byington. a interior scenes. Costumes of sixty years ago. Time 
 of playing, x% hours. A clever adaptation of Mrs. GaskelTs " Cranford," which 
 is perhaps one of the finest pieces of humoristic writing within the entire range of 
 English fiction. The delicate pathos, the subtle humor, the quaint atmosphere of the 
 book have been well preserved in the play, and the result is a series of episodes almost 
 wholly devoid of that element called plot, but possessed, none the less, of a charm that 
 cannot fail to please the audience. The piece is easily managed, and will prove a 
 strong attraction for young ladies' representations. 
 
 GERTRUDE MASON, M.D.; or, The Lady Doctor. 15 cents. 
 
 A farce in i act for 7 female characters, by L. M. C. Armstrong. Plain room scene 
 or no scene at all. Runs 30 minutes. An exceedingly bright piece for young ladies, 
 in which young Dr. Gertrude, already a victim of circumstances, is made the victim 
 of a practical joke. The scenes with Mrs. Van Style, who mistakes the doctor for a 
 pawnbroker, and Miss Jane Simpkins, who brings a sick dog to be cured, are hilari- 
 ous, while Nora, an Irish cook, is deliciously droll. The cook is the star of the 
 piece, but all the personages are vivacious and every situation bristles with fun. 
 
 LOVE AND A "WAY. 1 5 cents. A comedy in 3 acts and 1 scene, by 
 Evelyn Simms. 4 female characters. Scene, a sitting-room. Time, x~% hours. 
 Phyllis, a young girl, loving and beloved by Jack Pemberton, a rich young man, 
 refuses to marry him because her maiden aunts consent and every one wishes it. 
 Jack is reported to have lost his fortune, and now she wants to marryjack, with whom 
 her aunts forbid any communication. By the aid of her friend Beatrice an elopement 
 is planned and carried out, and a most surprising climax is sprung upon the audience. 
 
 MAIDENS ALL FORLORN. 1 5 cents. A comedy in 3 acts and 
 1 scene, by Evelyn Simms. 6 female characters; Scene, a parlor in a seaside cottage. 
 Time, \% hours. Three young girls chafing under the monotony of a man-forsaken 
 resort, write Teddy to come and visit them. Teddy cannot come, but answers that 
 his friend Dr. Jocelyn Denby will, come and help while away the time. Great 
 preparations are made for his reception, including much interest by a Maiden A unt. 
 Each prepares a present to bestow on the Doctor, and feigns an ailment to interest 
 him. The Doctor arrives — a woman. The climax, deftly worked out, is sprung on 
 the audience at the last moment, and insures the play a complete success. The char- 
 acters are all good, the Maiden Aunt and Mrs. Moloney are great character parts. 
 
 MURDER WILL OUT. 15 .cents. A farce in 1 act, for 6 female 
 characters, by L. M. Elwyn. Time, 30 minutes. A breezy and effective farce, in 
 which half a dozen bright girls can delight an audience with half an hour of innocent fun. 
 Grandmother Stiles and her demure but frolicsome granddaughter are excellent charac- 
 ters ; Dinah, the colored cook, is amusing, and Bridget O' Flaherty is a funny Irish 
 girl — her quarrel with Dinah being exceedingly laughable. The attempts of Lena 
 and her merry friends, May and Minnie, to hoodwink the old lady, and their final 
 exposure, will keep the audience in a ripple of laughter. No scenery required. 
 
 SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 1 5 cents. A comedy in 1 act and 2 scenes, 
 by Helen Sherman Griffith. 5 female characters. Bedroom scene afterwards 
 transformed into a parlor. Plays about 45 minutes. A highly entertaining comedy in 
 which Mrs. Chick and her two daughters from the United States are in Paris, bent on 
 an extended tour, but meet with a Countess, who proposes to introduce them into 
 fashionable society. They feel flattered and make a great fuss over the Countess^ 
 who turns out to be a lady s maid dressed in her mistress' finery, and is betrayed by 
 the housemaid of the pension. Disillusionment and exciting climax. 
 
 MY AUNT'S HEIRESS. 15 cents. A comedy in 1 act. n female 
 characters. _ Parlor scene. Modern costumes. Time, 1 hour. Has a "Cinderella" 
 sort of plot in which a rich widow adopts a ruse to decide which of her seven nieces 
 shall inherit her fortune. It shows that envy and jealousy don't pay, and that striv- 
 ing to make others happy is the best way to gain happiness for ourselves. Two of 
 the characters can be played by one girl. No scenery required. 
 
THE EAST SIDERS 
 
 A Comedy Drama in Three Acts, by ANTHONY E. WILLS 
 
 PRICE, 25 CENTS 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 Emil Schultz, an old tailor Old German 
 
 Paul Albers, in his employ Character Heavy 
 
 James Keegan, a typical New Yorker Comedy 
 
 Robert Perry., an actor Lead 
 
 Daniel Jarvis, a prosperous merchant Character old man 
 
 Clarence Frothingham, a dry-goods clerk Dude 
 
 Officer McNally, a policeman Comedy 
 
 Otto Werner, a street musician German comedy 
 
 Mrs. Schultz, the tailor's wife Old lady comedy 
 
 Edna Schultz, her daughter Lead 
 
 Lieutenant Brockway, a Salvation lassie Straight 
 
 Dolly Hammond, who lives upstairs Soubrette 
 
 One Interior Stage-setting. — Time, 2 Hours. 
 
 SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS 
 
 Act I. — New Year's Eve. Paul Albers arrives, expecting to marry 
 Edna. Mr. Jarvis hears some plain truths. The mistake of Clarence. The 
 mortgage. The. marriage of Edna and Ferry announced. Edna driven from 
 home. 
 
 Act II. — July, eighteen months later. Jarvis opens the big store. 
 McNally receives a scare. Paul's gambling. Good advice thrown away. 
 The overdue mortgage. Paul's theft. Edna accused. 
 
 Act III. — October, three months later. The distress of Schultz. 
 Sheriff in charge. Edna's operatic success. An obdurate father. Arrest 
 of Paul. Some lively bidding. Dolly's purchase. Schultz relents. Every- 
 body happy. 
 
 ROCKY FORD 
 
 A Western Drama in Four Acts 
 
 By BURTON L. SPILLER 
 
 PRICE, 25 CENTS 
 
 Eight male (2 may double), three female characters. One exterior, two 
 interior scenes. Time, 2 hours. The action revolves around the theft of a 
 will by a gentlemanly villain, whereby Jack, a young ranchman (lead), 
 nearly loses not only a fortune, but also his affianced bride. Jack's two 
 cowboy friends come to his rescue, however, and through their timely 
 interference the plan to defraud him is foiled. A Kentucky major and a 
 middle-aged spinster have excellent comedy parts, 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 017 400 195 9 • 
 
 mm- 
 
 mm 
 
 
 m 
 
 x./i 
 
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