AUTHOR'S EDITON. h DEVIL OF k i OK WMQ ^mm FQM TME a- PRIVATE PROMPT COPY. flS" Managers and actors are hereby warned against producing this play, or any imitation thereof, without permission of the author. J. O. KALER, 89 Court Street, Boston. i iEVIL m A I OR WM@ <^mim w&§t WMM &^ BY JAMES 0. KALER. Not exactly a corned}-, not exactly a farce, certainly not a drama ; but more of a regular mess ; which we can appreciate because some of our acquaint- ances have ''been there themselves." IN (3NE ACT. And that was enough, for it came near killing the actor, Mr. TIxMOthy Tisdale Grubb. ^M^K Entered according- to the Act of Congress, March, 1878, by James O. Kaler, in the Ofl3.ce of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. ^ SYNOPSIS. The First of the Scrape. Mr. Grubb makes the fatal mistake of inviting a fair but frail yovmg lady to supper, and forgets to settle the bill. Mr. Grubb is found out by several eminently respectable people, who ouly happened into the Cremorne Gardens by the "merest accident." Mr. Grubb's domestic life is made decidedly warm for him, and Mrs. Grubb comes to the front in bold relief. The Scrape Complicated. Mr. Grubb's contidcutial clerk and spiritual adviser tries to mend matters, and mixes them up very decidedly. Love- making on the sly, and love-making in a private supper- room. Mrs. Grubb " has suspicions," and several members of the family think they have discovered a large sized rodent. Troubles come thick and fast upon the Grubb fiimily until The End of the Scrape. Mr. Grubb nearly dies ; Mr. Grubb's confidential clerk and spiritual adviser nearly hangs himself; Mrs. Grubb nearly elopes; Mrs. Grubb's sister nearly runs away with all that is left of poor Grubb, and the whole lamily are nearly de- moralized, when the Pet of the Cremorne "unravels the whole skein," and Mr. Grubb confesses that he was very nearh— but not quite— led astray. TMP96-0063 71 TO ME. CHAELES L. DAVIS, Whose rendition of the part of T. T. Grubb is truly artistic, I respectfully dedicate this work. THE AUTHOB. THEATRE COMIQUE, PIWVIDENGE, E. I., March 4, 1878. Mk. Timothy Tisdale Gkubi}, a very respectable bank di- rector, Avho is almost persuaded to step aside from the strict paths of morality. . . Chas. L. Davis. Mr. Thomas Thott, coiitichMitial clerk and spiritual adviser to tiie aforesaid IVIr. (irul>b. . . . Frank Fraser. Mr. Henry Ma(;Arthur, a gentleman of no fortune; but great expectations, wiiosc peculiarity is a very jealous disposition 8. B. Watson. Mr. jAt'on ll(»iMii;s. a wortliy lawyer, whose female friend causes him ;i deal of trouble. . . . V. M. Basset. AiM>i,riu s Fiiz Willi A.^i. a sjiblc gentleman who acts in the cajjaciiy of waiter :il the ••( 'i-emoriie." Louis Long. Mrs. T. '1\ (iiii i;i;. a worlliy lady whose husl)and is just a tritle too old Ini' her yoiilliful nature . Miss Emma Vern. Miss Alk e I>ARLiN<;.a young lady wlio has been the victim of unjust sus|)i(ioiis. . . Miss (JoRV Bradford. Slsan .Johnson, the ohjecl ot Adolphus* ardent passion. Miss Lou Williams. Miss Maud, a young lady wiio, in her search for her uncle, involves Mr. (irubb in many difficulties Miss Susie Church. SCENE. Lawn. Window Door. Window with curtain. with curtain. Door. Table. Louuse. . Dooj. Door. Door. Pl^OPERTIES. Folded bill for llcnr} . Money — four liills and four silver pieces — for Grubb. Letter for Susan. Folded l)ill for Hodges. •• Adi)lj)hus. ' Maud. V'alise for Ileiii-y. ■• (Jrul.l). Salcliel {'or >lr^. (irul)l). •■ Alice. Old pants, sliirt. coals. &c., for (ivubb to throwfrom wing. Umbrella for (irubb. Sheet to be placed where Grubb can jind it. fe^t A DEVIL OF A SCRAPE. SCENE. — Interior backed by lawn. Mrs. Grubb discovered at table seiaimj ; Susan dusting furniture. Mks. Grubb. Aud so Susan you want to leave us. What is the cause of this sudden determination? Susan. 'Dolphus is mostlj' the cause. Mrs. G. What do you mean? Susan. Why you know 'Dolpluis, my 'Dolphus? Mrs. G. No I don't know your Adolphus. Susan. Well you ought to, for he just walks over the pile. Mrs G. Susan, I told you never to talk slang. Susan. Well, Missus, you see I can't help it when I'se speak- in' of my 'Dolphus. You see 'Dolphus and I'sc gwine to be married, an' we kinder thought as how as we'd tell you 'bout it, so you could kinder — kinder— do sumthin' for us in the house- keepin' line. Miis. G. Indeed ! We will see about that at some future time. But how is it, Susan, that you are engaged to be married? I had no idea that any one was even waiting upon you. Has he ever been here? Susan. No, ma'am, he's never come yet; but when I was in New York, with you, I met him. Mrs. G. And was that the first time you had ever seen him? Susan. Yes'm ; but you see we jest made the most of our time when we was together. We was at a ball given by the c )lore(l gentlemen, and I danced the first dance with him. Then he told me that he loved me. When he took me down to supper he asked me wovikl I marry him, and when he went hoa.e witli me, I told him yes. Mrs. G. (Lmighing.) A very leugthy courtship. Susan. Yes'm, you see I don't thiuk much of these very long ones, fur courtin's mighty onstirtiu, an' you never know what may happen. Mns. G. Well, Susan, I shall certainly be very much provoked if you should leave me without any notice. But if you will' wait a mouth, I will see that you have a good outfit. Wait a month, Susan. Susan. Perhaps I could stand it, but I'm sure "Dolphus- couldu t. You see it ain't alkrs that he can get away to tend to gettin' married. Mrs. G. What business is your intended engaged in? Susan. He is a waiter at the Cremorne, in New York. Mus. G. The Cremorne! Is'ut that a very bad place? I mean, don't bad people go there? Sus.vN. I tlou t know uulfia "bout dat; l)ut I kin t;dl you dat my "Dolphus don't lrou!)U' liisseli' 'l)out any ob Je white trasb what tloats round tlere. Mrs. G. That will do, Susan; you may go now. Exit Susan, r. 2 d. Enter GUUBB, C. I). Grubb. He's coming here again, Mrs. Grubb. and I want it •distinctly understood that I seriously object tolas attentions to- Alice. Mrs. G. Whom do you mean by " he," my dear? Grubb. Why tliis MacArthur, or MacWilliaxn, or whatever he calls himself. The puppy hasn't got a cent in the world, and he is trying to marrj' Alice in the hope of handling some of my money. But he never can ; that I'll tell him. Enter Alice, l. 2 r>. Alice. Who is it wlio is so rash as to try to marry me, Mr. Grubb? Grubb. That rascal of a Mac something or other. Alice. Do you mean Henry? Grubb. Yes, I mean Henry. And I'll pack him out of the house just about as soon as he gets here. Alice, Oh, is he coming here? How jolly that is ! Mrs. G. 1 am sure that he shall have a cordial welcome, at least. Grubb. And I'm sure that he shall not. Now make the most of it. Enter Henry, c. d. [Mrs. Ghubb aud Alice go to meet him. Henry. My clear little Alice, I have kept my promise, you see, and paid you a visit here in your own home. Grubb. Yes, antl now you may pack yourself right out of her own home. Henry. Why, Mr. Grubb. I am delighted to see you. Excuse me for not greeting you before. Grubb. You have greeted me plenty soon enough, Mr. Mac- Nally. Hknry. MacArthur, sir. Grubb. I don t care about your Macs. I shall call you what- ever I chose, sir — vvhatex er 1 chose. Alice. {Aside to Hcnrij.) Don't i)ay any attention to what he says, Henry dear. Henry. He'll be pleasant enough in a monieut. You aud your sister leave us alone for a few moments. Alice. And you wont get angry with him? Henry. Quite the contrary. We shall be very good friends. Exit. Mrs. Grubb and Alice l. 2 r>- Gri'bb. Now, sir, tell me wliat you mean b.v coming here? If you expect to nv.irry my wife's sister, you are very much mis- taken. Henry. Before we speak of that, Mr. Grubb. let me ask how you enjoyed your last visit to the Creraorne. Grubb. (Confused.) My visit to the Cremorne? Henry. Yes; I saw you go into the private room, and I followed you shortly after; but I found that you had gone. Grubb. {Asidr.) Oh, the devil! Now Fm in a pretty mess. He'll be sure to tell Alice; shell tell ray wife, aud won't it be hot for me. (To Henry.) My dear fellow, that was all a dread- ful mistake; sometime I'll explain it all to you. Henry. (LaiKjhing.) I don't doubt it. Of course it was a mistake. But, by the way, Mr. Grubb, you forgot to settle your Inll there. I found the waiter calling you all sorts of names ; among the most prominent of which was a gray-headed old beat Grubb. Did that black 1 mean did the waiter dare to call me a gray-headed beat? Henry. He did, and knowing how soon I was to be related to you by marriage, I settled the bill. Here it is. (Takes out 8 bill.) Quail on toast, brandy and champagne : ten dollars and twenty-tive cents. Gkubb. Let me pay you. \_Takes money from pocket. Hexry. Oh, don't trouble yourself about such a trifle. Grubb. But I prefer to settle it. {Hands money and takes bill which he puts in troiosers pocket.) {Aside.) Now that evi- dence against me is out of my way. Henry. I hope you had a pleasant evening. Grubb. {Groaniuf/.) A pleasant evening ! Good Lord ! See here Mr. MacArthur, I know that Alice is dying to see you, so suppose you run and see her for awhile. Henry. Then you have no olijections to our marriage now? Grubb. Of course not, of course not! That was only my fun. {Aside.) Damn you ! I can't help myself. Henry. Adieu, my dear brother-in-law. [frrubb makes face aside. Enter Mrs. Grubb and Aijce, l. 2 d. Henry. Ah ! I was just coming to meet you. Enter Susan, r 2 d. Susan. Yere's a letter for yer, Mr. Grubb, [Hands letter to (iriibb. Exit Susan, r. 2 d. \_Grubb reads letter. Alice. Has Mr. Grubl) consented to your remaining here? Henry. Not only consented to my remaining here; but also consented to our marriage. Mrs. Grubb. How did you work such a miracle as that? Henry. That I will tell you at some other time ; now we must only talk about Grubb. {/Starting forward.) Oh Lord ! Oh Lord ! He's coming here ! Mrs. Grubb. {In alarm.) Why what is the matter with you, Timothy? Grubb. {"frying to appear composed.) Nothing, my dear, nothing. I was thinking of something else. (Aside.) What a devil of a scrape I am in now, and the worst of it is, that I can't see any way out of it. Mrs. Grubb. Are you sure there is nothing the matter with you, my dear? Grubb. Oh, don' t bother me ! 1 mean I am very sure. Now you and the two spoons, go out in the garden for a walk. Alick. Oh, yes, Henry, I want to show you my darling little Spitz dog which aunt gave me. Exit Mrs. Gruub, Alick a)id Hp:ni!Y, c. d. Grubb. (Eeading Jctter.) " I shall be in your city almost as soon as you receive this letter, and will then tall^ about the proposed investment. I nmst, however, be assured that your bank is managed by strictly moral men, and, so far, I have heard a very favorable report of you. If you can explain your presence at the Cremorne the otlier evening, I can safely say that I will join yoa in the business, as you wish." Yes, that's it. How can I explain? He'd never believe me ! There is no fool like an old fool, and I believe I'm the worst that ever was. Entor TnoTT, c. d. Oh, 'I'rottl my dear Trott! you liave come just at the time when you were most needed. Trott. Indeed, I'm gl.ul to Jiear tliut. What has occurred that old Trott is wanted':' GiiiHB. Sit down tliere Trott, I want to make a confession to you. [The tiro sent themselves c. Trott. Oh Lord ! you ain't been spending the bank's money, have you? Grithb. It's wors(! than that, Trott. Trott. Worse than that ! Wliat can it be? Grubb. Now listen patiently, and I will tell you. You know that I went to New York, last week, on l)usiuess? Trott. Yes. Grubb. And that I went alone, although my wife was very anxious to go with me? Trott. Yes, and I tlionght you ought to have taken her. Grubb. I wish to the Lord I had, and then the honest name of Timothy Tisdale Grubb would never have been trailed in the dust, as it probal)ly will i)e. Trott. (Aside.) Good Lord, he's been watering the gas stock! Grubb. ' Now, Trott, I am going to tell you what will seem like an awful yarn ; but you must believe me. Trott. Oh, I'll believe everything you say. Grubb, Well, I went to New York. The first night I was there I strolled up Sixth Avenue, and at the corner of Twenty- sixth Street, I met a young woman, a most beautiful young woman 10 Trott. a most beautiful womau. Well? Well? GuuBB. Who was crying bitterly. She accosted rae as her uucle, and when I told her of her mistake, she told me that she was dying of hunger TuoTT. Dying of hunger. Well? Well? Gkuhb. The tears flowed down her beautiful but pallid cheeks, and I pitied her, Trott, I pittled her. My very soul yearned toward her, and I felt tliat I could clasp her to my breast, and feed her 1 mean, and comfort her. TuoTT Well, well, did you? Did you? Grubb. No, Trott, I am almost sorry to say that I did not. I looked around for a restaurant, but could see none. I asked her if she knew of one, and she led me to a place which I have since learned was the Creniornc I saw that there was painted women there ; that there was dancing, and such other works of the devil. I would have turned back, Trott, but that I was on a mission of cliarity, and — and — and Trott. And what? Go on, go on ! Grubb. Aiid I let her leatl on. We entered a private room. The table was laid for two. I called a waiter, that he might wait on the poor, famished creature, and she ordered Trott. Well, what did she order? Go on, go on ! Grubb. She ordered quail on toast, a 1ai-ge bottle of cham- pagne, and two glasses of brandy ! After she had drank one glass of brandy, and h ilf the bottle of champagne, she leaned her beautiful, tear-stained face in her hands, and looking up at me, with one of the sweetest smiles upon her face that I ever saw, she said Trott. What did she say? Go on, go on! Grubb. She said : " Old man, how much are you good for?" I didn't quite understand what she meant, and was about to ask her to explain, when a crowd of fellows burst into the room. Like a startled deer, my young, beautiful, famished friend darted into an adjoining room, and I Trott. And you. Well? Well? Grubb. 1 got into the street as soon as I could. I don't re- member having taken my pocket-book out while I 'Aas in the room ; but I must have done so, for when I got out doors it was gone. Now, Trott, through having tried to rescue a beautiful woman from starvation, I have ruined my reputation. Trott. I can't see, my dear Mr. Grubb, that you went quite 11 so far as that. It dou't strike me that you had time. (tkubb. You don't understand mo. The worst is yet to come. TnoTT. Oh ! You saw her a,a:aiu, did you? GuuBB. No, Trott; but I was seen. Mr. llodges saw me there, and when he asked me al)out it the next day, I told him It was my wife. I haA'e just received a letter from him, and he is comiui^ down here, immediately — he may be here now — this very moment — to see about that investment we spoke of. Un- less my moral character is jjfood, lie refuses to have anythinuf to do with it. He will see my wife; will speak to my wife about her visit to New York, and then don't you see what a devil of a scrape I shall be in? TiiOTT. Whew ! ! ! Gkubb. Now, Trott. ni.v dear Trott. I depend on you to help me out of this. You must be my saviour. TiioTT. {(ioiug toicard door.) I think I had better go to the bank. I am sure I cau't help you, and it will be much safer for ine to jro. Gkubb. {Cutching Trott In/ tlif coat tnils.) You shan't go. I can't meet this man alone. Besides, how shall I arrange about my wife? Trott. You must keep her out of the waj'. Grubb. But how can I? Trott. Lock her up. Gkubb. Lock her up? You don't know her, Trott, or you'd never advise such a plan as that. 8he must be kept out of the way, and she mustn't know that we aj'e trying to do anything of the kind. Tkott. Don't you think you could manage it alone, Mr. Grubb? Gkubb. I know very well I couldn't. Now, in the first place, we'll see Enter Susan, c. n. SusAX. Mr. Hodges — he says his name is — is purraralndatiu up de garden. Exit Susan, c. d. Grubb. Oh, Lord ! Trott. Oh, Lord ! [^Ciruhb and Trott fall into each other'' s arms. Mr. Hodyes comes down stage till he stands in front of them. 12 Grubb. (Whirling Tuott around.) Mr. Trott, Mr. Hodges. Trott. {Whirling Grubb around.) Mr. Grubb, Mr. Hodges. [Grubb and Trott keep lohirling each other around and introducing each other to Hodges for severat times. At last Trott manages to hold Grubb up directly in front of Hodges, v-hen Enter Mrs. Grubb, r 2 d. Enter AijcK, l. 2 d. [GuuBB starts for Mrs. Grubb and pushes her back through r. 1 D., and stands witJi his Ixicl: against it, while Mrs. Grubb tries to open it. Trott does the same business v:ith Alice at L. 1 D. Hodges hiuks on in. amazement. Enti^r Henry, c. d. [Grubb heckans to him ; v:hispers in his ear. Exit Henry r. 1 d. Grubb. {Coming forvard ii; Hodges. J I ain delighted to see you, my dear Mr. Hodges. Let me take youi- coat aud hat. \_Takes coat and hat. Enter Henry, r. 1 d. [Henry u-jtispers ti> Gkubb, then Exit Henry l. 1 d. Trott. {Going to Hodges.) Delighted to see yon, ray dear Mr. Podges. Please sit down. \_Pnshes chair forward. Grubb. Oh, excuse me Mr. Hodges, I beg your pardon. I should have introduced my coufidential clerk and spiritual ad- viser. Mr. Trott, Mr. Hodges. Hodges. My dear sir, you have introduced me to Mr. Trott at least a dozen times. Now there is another member of your fiimily whom I would be pleased to see, and that is Mrs. Grubb. I want to apologise to her for having so rudely entered the room at the Cremorne, when you and she were dining there. Grubb. (/n ftiann.) Hush! {Looks around.) My wife is sick, just now. She's got the — the— the Trott. Yes, sir, she's sick; she's got the measles. Hodges. The measles? Grubb. Well, not exactly — that is— she is just getting over them. Hodges. Is she able to be out of bed? Grubb. {Aside. ) I wish to the Lord she wasn't, just for the next fow hours; l)ut I have an idea that before this is over, I .shall have painful proof that she is out of bed. {To Hndges.) Yes, sir. siic is about tlie house; i)Ut just noAV she is preparing dinner. AVhen slie heard that yon were coniin,i>:, she insisted ou prepariui; tlie dinner herself, altliouiih I urijed her to stay and meet yon. HoixiKs. Oh, well, as lonj*' as I shall see her before I go, I ought to be satisfied. But I shall never be satisfied. Mr. Grubb, till she has assured nn- tliat I am foi-yiven for my intrusion ou that evening. GiiuBis. {FnlliiKj into TmfCs anas.) Oh, Lord, Trott he's going to stay till he sees my wife, and then won't she see me, lively? TnoTT. (Aside to Grubb.) Braee up, my dear Mr. Grubb, I'll run around the back way, and try to keep her occu])ied. I'll get her out of the house if I ean, and yon can tell him that she's gone to see her grandmother. Grubb. (Aside to Tkott.) Go. go, Trott, and take her out of the house if yuu liave to take her out on your l)ack. Exit Titorr, c. i>. IIoDGKS. Now, Mr. Grubb. we will transact our little busi- ness at onee. You want me to invest fifty thousand dollars. I have got thiit amount in cash, and all I want is to be assured of your moral eliaraeter. Now I have made the most minute in- quiries, and every one I have spoken with concurs in pronoun- cing your morals to be irreproachable. Grubb. (Pomjyinslij.) Well, ahem — well, I flatter myself that I have done nothing to ])ring reproach upon the fair name of Timothy Tisilale Grubb. HodCtKS. I don't doubt it. sir. The only thing is that little affair at the Cremorne. Grubb. [Fi/Hs into rhair.'] (Aside.) Damn Cremorne, and 'that girl who w;is looking for her uucle ! HoocRs. By the way. Mr. Grubb, when you left the room so 'unceremoniously, I entered it, and found the waiter in a perfect rage, lie was swearing, and saying all manner of unkind things about you. l^ecanse j'^ou had not paid your bill, so I paid it for you. Here it is. \^Tal-f's hill out of pockot.~\ Ten dollars and twenty-five cents. [Grubb Icol's at him in nstonishmcnt for a moment, and th^-n very slovly takes money out of ])ocket, and 14 payii the bill. Then takes bill and puts it in pocket, looking at Hodges all the time. Grubb. (Spitefully.) Thank you. Hodges. You are quite welcome, my dear sir. If you will- excuse me, I would like to go to my room for a few moments. We can talk business after we have seen the ladies. Grubb. (Aside.) Thank heaven ! Here is a chance to get rid of him for a little while. (To Hodges.) Certainly, my dear sir, come this way. \_Leads thf viay to R. 1 D. Opinis the door. Hodges. Thank you, sir. Now kindly tell Mrs. Grubb, not to inconvenience herself on my account. Exit Hodges, r. 1 d. Grubb. I dont think she will be as much inconvenienced on your account as I shall. Now I can breathe freely for a mo- ment. But if I leave this door he will come out when I ain't expecting him. I'll lock the door. [Lo<-ks the door.'\ Now, Mr. Hodges, I've got you safe for awhile, and I wish I could say the same for niy wife. Enter Trott, c. d. Trott. \_Sinkin(j into ehair.'\ I give it up. Grubb. Give what up? Trott. Trying to get the best of a woman when she don't want you to. Grubb. Then you didn't get her t)ut of the house? Trott. No, I had to get out of the house myself. Grubb. Oh, Lord, Trott, shall we ever get out of this scrape? I've fixed the lawyer for awhile, at least, and you watch him while I go and tackle my wife. Trott. Where is he? Grubb. In that room. I've locked the door, and I wouldn't let him out unless he makes an awful racket. Exit Grubb, c. d. Trott. Now I've got to watch the lawyer. Well, I'd rather do this than try to get Mrs. Grubl) out for a walk. She wouldn't move a peg, spite of everything I could do. \_Knocki7ig from r. 1 d. Hello ! he's at it. Hodges. (From outside.) Let me out, I say. Who, the devil, has locked this door? Trott. Keep it up. I can stand it, if you can. 15 Hodges. {From outside. Still knocking.) Let me out ! Let oie out! I won't stand such nonsense as this. Let me out! Trott. I am afraid I shall have to let him out, or else he'll cai-^o the whole house. Hodges. {From outside. Still knocking.) Hello I Let me out ! Let me out, I say, or I'll break the door down I [7u^oc^•s: furiously.'] Trott. I've got to do it. I wish Grubb would come back- [GV«'* to u. 1 D.] Did jM)u call, sir? Hodges. {From outside.) Call? 1 should think I did. TnoTT. Oh ! I thought you were only trying to raise me. Hodges. I'll go you one blind, if you don't open this door. ■J'kott, {Opening door.) Then that lets me out of the game. Enter Hodges, u. 1 d. Hodges. Who locked that door? Tuott. It must have been Susan, sir; she's always doing such things. She's the greatest girl for locking doors I ever knew. Hodges. Where is Mr. Grubb? TnoTT. He's trying to fix Mrs. Grubb. Hodges. Trying to fix Mrs. Grubb? Tr:OTT. I mean, he's gone out to help her. She's feeling quite ill again, sir. Hodges. I'm sorry to hear that. By the way, Mr. Trott, one erf your daughters lives in New York, does she not? Trott. Yes, sir, my Hannah lives there. Hodges. Is she employed there? Trott. Yes, sir, she works in a millinery store, and she make-, a power of money. Hodges. Ah! how old is she? Trott. Twenty-one last September. Hodges. Pretty? Trott. Look at me ; she is very mucli my style. Hodges. {Laughing.) She must be good-looking. Enter Mrs. Grubb and Alice, r. 2 d. [Hodges hows. Ladies how. Trott vei-y much confused. Hodges. One of these must be Mrs. Grubb. Will you intro- doce me, Mr. Trott? Trott. Certainly, sir, certainly. {Points to Alice.) Mrs. Grubb, Mr. Hodges. {Points to Mrs. Grubb.) Miss Darling, 16 Mr. Hodges. [ The tiDo ladies look in amazement. Hodges bovis, Hodges. (7>) Alice.) I am very much pleased to see you» looking so well, Mrs. Grubb, I feared, from what your husband* said, that I should see almost an invalid. How long have you> been married, Mrs. Grubb. Alice. Married ! Trott. Incoming up behind, and aside to Alice.] You are Mrs. Grubb, Grubb's life depends on it. Alice. {Confused.) Oh, yes, I have been married. How long is it, Laura, since you and Timothy were — I mean, how long have I been married? Mrs. Gruub. You? Trott. [Coming up behind, and aside to Mrs. Grltbb.] YoU' are your sister. Your husband's life depends upon it. Mrs. G. Oh, yes, I have — I mean you have been married two years. Hodges. (To Alice.) I hope you enjoyed your trip to New York, last week, Mrs. Grubb. Alice. My trip to New York ? Hodges. Yes, when I was so rude, you know? Enter Grubb, c. d. [Grltbb staggers bark as he sees Hodges with the ladies. Grfbb. (Aside.) It's got to come now. I wish I could pray. Now I lay me down to sleep— Oh, hang it ! there won't be much chance of my laying myself down to sleep by Mrs. Grubb's side, for some time to come, at any rate. Hodges. Ah, here you are, Mr. Grubb. I was just about tell- ing your wife (Pointing to Alice.) how much better she was looking than I expected to see. Grubb. [Looking Jirst at Alice and then at Mrs. Grubb.] My wife? Trott. [Coming up behind Guvbb, and aside.^ Hush! A little plan of my own. Your wife ain't your wife, but your sister, and your sister ain't your sister, but your wife. Grubb. Eh? Trott. I changed 'em round. Happy thought ! Grubb. Oh ! I see. But I came to say, Mr. Hodges, that a. gentleman has just been here to see you. Said he would meet, on the next Boston train. 17' Hodges. Bless my soul, it's Thompson, and I forgot all about it. I shall have to leave you now, and I can't even stop to par- take of the dinner this good lady {bowing to Alick.) has been preparing. Trott. Yes, yes, that's right; you've got no time to lose. [Brings Hod«ks' coat and puts it on him roughly. Gkubb. You will liardl}' have time to catch the train. [Briyigs Hodgks' hat and mashes it down over his eyes. [Tkott and Gkuub take Hodgks by each arm, and walk him out ; he trying all the time to speak to the ladies. Exit Grubb, Hodgks and Trott, c. d. Mrs. Grubb. Well, I should like to know the meaning of this ! Am<;k. And I shall demand an explanation. Mrs. G. What can it mean? AiJCK. I don't like this being passed off for a married woman. [Grubb enters at c. D. dancing with joy. Suddenly he, ratches sight of the ladies, and sinks into chair. Mrs. G. ((roiiig up to him, and jnilling him around to her by the coat collar.) Now, Mr. Grubb, I want to know the meaning of all this? Alick. {Catching Gkcbb Jnj the collar, and ])uUing him around to her.) And I want to know wliat I have done that I should be passed oil" as a wife of yours? Mrs. G. {Pulling Grubb toward her.) Don't dare to equivo- cate; but tell the truth. Alice. {Pulling him.) Yes, tell the truth. Mrs. G. {Pulling him.) Answer me this in«tant. Alice. {Pulling him,.) Don't dare to hesitate, sir. Gri'bb. Well, as soon as you get through yanking a man around, perhaps there will be enough left of him to satisfy you both. [liises ; the two ladies around him. Down stage. ^ You sec, it was Trott. He introduced you, Laura, as Alice, because if j'ou had not been Laura, and had been Alice, it would have been perfectly proper to have introduced you as Alice, and he introduced Alice as you, because she was not you, but Alice, and if she had been you, and not Alice, he would have been per- fectly justified in doing exactly as he did. Now that that is ex- plained, satisfactorily, let me tell you how nicely we got rid of Hodges. Mrs. G. But all this is not explained satisfactorily. You will 18 liave to give a more plau.sible excuse than that before I shall be- lieve you. "Alice. Yes, sir, we demaud a more resouable explanation. [Enter Tuott, c. d., dancing fo7- joij. He sees ladies and stops suddenly. Grubb. (Going up to Tuott.) Trott, he's gone? Tkott. Yes, he's gone. [Trott and Grubb clasp each other round the waist y (Old dance around the room. Mrs. G. Mr. Grubl)! Mr. Grnbh! have j'ou suddenly taken leave of your senses? Alice. We insist on knowing the reason of your singular be- havior. Grubb. Oh, the introductions, do you mean? Mrs. G. Yes, sir. Grubb. Tliat was one of Trott's idiotic ideas ; he always does something as foolish as that. Trott. Now he's going back on me ! Alice. Mr. Trott tell iis, this instant, why you did such a thing as that? Trott. {Aside.) I can't for the life of me see now why I did it. {To the ladies.) You see, ladies, when you came in I was confused, and I pointed out the wrong ones while T was intro- ducing you. Mr. Hodges is a very eccentric man, and it is very necessary that he should invest his money in this speculation of Mr. Grubb's. I knew if I shew him his mistake, he would get confused; that wonld make him angry, and the result would be that he would leave here, and take his money with liim. Grubb. Yes, that was the idea, my dear, the very idea, The deception only lasted for a few moments, and could have done no harm. Mrs. G. No, it has done no harm; but if Mr. Hodges should come here again, it would be very awkward. Mr. Trott is very careless. Grubb. Indeed you are Trott, very careless. There can be no excuse for you. Alice. No excuse at all, Mr. Trott, you might have caused us very serious trouble. Mrs. G. {To Alice.) Well, it can't be helped now, my dear, so let us go find Henry, and play that game of croquet he was so anxious for. 1& [Exit Alick ccnd Mks. Grubb, c. d. Gkubb. {iShaking Trott's hand.) Trott. old boy we are saved, aud without the loss of a drop of blood. Tkott. {Pioualy.) Heaven l)e praised ! Don't 3'ou think I had better go down to the bank, and see how matters stand there? Giu'BB. Yes, yes, do so. I vvili wait here for you. Exit TUOTT, c. D. [GuUBB throirx himtt'lf into rJi'dr. GiUBB. Well, I flatter myself that that \v;is pretty neatly don?. It was a narrow eseapc, hut it i- all over now, and Hodges nearly to Boston by this tinii. Enter StrsAX and ADOLPiirs. <.•. i>.. lumd in hand. SusAX. Come along, Dolly dear, u>''li speak wid niassa now, an' hab dat ober. [Susan and Adolphus stmid hi-forf (Jijubb, v:ho does not notice them. Ai>()i.pni's .ttart-s vith .surprise as lie sr/-s Gbt'bb, and thHf)(!<('d. Hodges. Miss DarliHg, I hope yoii will excuse my bluntness ; but I am au old man, ami as such, shouhl be excused for doing things in a different manner from a younger man. I Inive seen you but once, [^Tahci her hand; she tries to draw nvmy.] and during that brief time I have h^arned to love you Mks. G. No, no, you do not mean it ; there is some dreadful mistake. HouGKS. No mistake at all, Miss Darling — may I call you Alice Darling? I cunie down here for the sole purpose of find- ing out whether it was his wife whom Mr. Grublt had with him in New York, and now that I have seen tlie lady, and know that it was really she Mks. G. What do you mean, sir? Do you mean to tell nie that my husband was— I inean that Mr. Gruhb was in New York with his wife, and that you recognise the lady who just left the room as the one he was with? HoDGKS. Certainly. Mrs. G. (Aside.) Great Heavens, can it be possible that Alice went to New York with Timothy. I remember now that she said she was going to aunt's the very day Timothy left for New York, and she returned about the same time he did. She said aunt gave her the Spitz dog she brought home with her. Oh, I will uot stand this ! I will let them know that I am aware of their guilty secret, and she shall leave this house to-day. Exit Mrs. Grubr, r 2 b., quickly. Hodges. Well, I declare ! The people in this house act very much as if they had all become suddenlj' insane. Enter Alice, l. 2 d. Alice. Is my sister here? Hodges. She just went out for a moment, and will return shortly. Now that I have the opportunity, Mrs. Grubb, I want to apologise for my rudeness when I saw you in New York with your liusband. Alice. I in New York? Hodges, Certainly ; last week. Alice. I have not been in New York this year. Hodges. (Aside.) Then Grubb has been lying to me, and it is as I expected. (Jo Alice.) Are you sure you did not go to New York last week? Alice. Quite positive. 22 Hodges. I made a mistake theu. But I wish now to speak witli you of your sister Alice. Is she engaged? Alice. My sister Alice? — ^Oli, yes! No, she is not engaged, that — that — I l^now of. Hodges. She is a charming girl, and if you would only inter- cede for me, I think Alice. Oh, Mr. Hodges, please let us change the subject of couversation. Hodges. (Cnldhj.) Certainly, if you wish it. May I ask how many children j'^oii have been blessed with? Alice. Sir! Hodges. How many children you have had? Alice. Sir, you are — I mean, I have had none. But please let us change the conversation, Mr. Hodges. Hodges. {CuJdJy.) Cei'tainly. May I ask you how you en- joy the married life? Alice. I? — But please let us change the conversation, Mr. Hodges. Hodges. {Aside.) What, the devil, is the matter? Enter Henry, c. d. Hexuy. Where is Mrs. Grubb? Hodges. (Painting to Alice.) Why here is Mrs. Grubb. [Alice goes up to Henry, a7id steps on his toe. Henry looks Jirst at Alice, and then at Hodges. Henry. Who did you say was Mrs. Grubb? Hodges. Why, this lady. [Alice steps on Henry's foot again. Alice. Yes, I am Mrs. Grubb. Did you wish to see me, or my sister Alice? She is in the garden, somewhere, I believe. Hodges. If you will excuse me, Mrs. Grubb, I will go to my room for a few moments. Exit Hodges, r. 1 d. Henry. Now, what, the devil, is the meaning of this? Alice. You might have understood from ray stepping on your toe, with all my might, that I am Mrs. Grubb, while Mr. Hodges is here. And now, sir, if you will excuse me, I will attend to my household duties. Exit Alice r. 2 d., making mock covrtsey. Henry. I might have understood, might I? Well, I'll be blest if I understand any part of it now ! Etiter Trott, c. d. i 23 TuoTT. Oh, Mr. MacArtlmr, I have beou looking for yon. Won't you joiu us in a game of croquet? Hknry. No, I won't join you in a game of croquet. I believe you are at the bottom of this nl}^stery, and I want you to tell me why Alice Darling — my affianced wife — is to be called Mrs. Grubb while Hodges is here? TnoTT. Oh, yes, I can do tliat ensily riiougii. You see, wheu Mr. Grubb was in New York, he was ;'.t the — you mustn't tell this to anyone else — Creuiorne, with a lady. He told Mr. Hodges it was his wife, and Mr. Hodges recognixs Miss Darling as the lady; consequently, to keep everything (|uiet, she must be called his wife. Hknky. My God! My Alice in New York for a week with Grul)b; sud siie said that slie was at lier aunt's, and that her aunt gave her a Spitz dog. l>ul, you villain, you shan't tell me such a story with impunity. [Hexky mtchcH TuoTT hij the throat; rhokps, shnki's him, awl then thron-s him ant of c. i).. calliiirf him vil- lain, liar, all th> tiinf. Dnrimj' this Trott ralla out murder ! Hknky. {Farimi the ataye.) And my .Mice, whom I thought so pure, has been in New York, for a week, as Grubb's w'ife. Oh, is seems inc"edil)le! Enter Gki'hb, c. d., t;miliny. Gurnn. Ah, Henry, you should have joined our game of cro- quet. We've been having such a peaceful time. H RXUY . I nd eed ? Gumm. Yes, I was sorry not to have had you on my side. Hkxuy. (Fiercely.) You were, were you? Well it ain't the only thing you'll be sorry for, you hoary-headed old villain. I'll tear the false heart out of you ! GuuBB. {Falls into a rhair.) Why what is the matter with you? Are you mad? Henuy. I am mad. That you, who profess to be so good, so noble, so pure, should go to New York, and live for a week with your wife's sister, seems almost too base. But nothing is too bad for you. What any woman could see in you, I can't im- agine. You can't amount to anything. I'll kill you, you de- baucher of innocent females ! Exit Henry, c. d., tdldly. Gruub. {In surprise.) I a debaucher of innocent females? 24 Well I look as if I could do a great deal of that sort of thing, don't I? Oh, he's mad, he's mad! There's going to be a row of some kind in this house, and thank the Lord, Trott and I got Hodges out of the way in time. AVell, old man, you must brace up ; things ain't half as bad as they would be with Hodges here. Enter Hodges, r. 1 d. [GRUBB/a//s into chair, in affright. Hodges. You seem surprised to see me? Grubb. Yes — yes — yes, I am. Hodges. You thought you iiad fooled me nicely, you miser- able man, didn't you? Grubb. Now he's at it. I wish Trolt would come. Hodges. You thought I would believe that that low woman you had at the Cremorne was your wife, didn't you. Oh, you shall suflfer for this ! Grubb. (Aside.) I am suffering for it. Hodges. I will make you repent the day you started off on such an expedition. An old man like you going oft' with some young woman ! Not a cent of my money shall you ever handle, and I'll make this place too hot to hold you! Grubb. (Aside.) It's too hot already. S liter Trott, c. d., whistling. [Trott sees Hodges, and staggers hack. Trott. The lawyer! The devil! Exit Trott, c. d., hurriedly. Hodges. But I'll sift this matter, sir, for the sake of your wife. I' 11 find out who the shameless creature Avas who ac- companied you to such a place. Exit Hodges, c. d. Grubb. I only wish I could find out who she was ; I'd make her come here and tell the whole story. Enter Alice, r. 2 d. Alice. (Crying.) Oh, Timothy, Timothy, what shall I do? Grubb. (Starting up.) Why what is the matter, Alice Darling? Alice. I can't — I can't — I can't tell you. [Grubb jmts his arm around Alice, lays her head on his shoulder, and unpes her tears aioay icith his hand- kerchief. Grubb. There, there, my poor dear, don't cry, don't cry. They shan't make you feel badly, so they shan't. Tell me all about it. J 25 Enter Mus. Grubb, r 2 D. Mrs. Grubb. {Angrily.) She seems to be feeling badly. Ghubb. {Innocently.) Yes, someone has been saying some- thing harsh to her. Mrs. G. Oh, tliey have, have they? Well it was time they sa'd something harsh to her. When a woman becomes so shameless that she will go to New York, and live for a week with such a worthless old man as you are, it is time honest people let them know what was thought of it. Exit Alice, l. 2 d., hurriedly. Grubb. Wliy what do you mean, Mrs. Grubb? Mrs. G. You know, very well, what I mean, you old repro- bate. You know, very well, that that huzzy went to New York, with you, when she said she was going to her aunt's. She was perfectly satisfied to go away with you ; but I'll venture to say she wasn't at all satisfied while she was away. Oh, why don't I tear your eyes out, you miseral)le old wretch you? Grubb. I don't know, my dear. Mrs. G. Why don't I tlirow you both out of the house? Grubb. I don't know, my dear. Mrs. G. Oh, I'll have my revenge on you. I'll go to my mother's, that's what I"ll do. Grubb. If you would only listen to me, my dear. Mrs. G. But I won't listen to you. Get out of my sight. Enter Trott. c. d. Trott. {Aside ichisper.) How are you getting on Grubb? Mrs. Grubb. Th re's that miserable little Trott, I'll Exit Trott, c. d., hurriedly. Grubb. Don't be so rash, my dear. Mrs. Grubb. Don't dear me, you old fool. Gel out of this house, I say. Gritbb. I'll go, my dear, I'll go. Exit Grubb, c. i>., hurriedly. Enter Hodges, l. 1 d. HoDOKS. Oh, my charming Miss Darling, I have been look- ing for you. [Takes her hand and falls on one knee.'] You must listen to my story. You must know how madly I love Enter Amce and Susan, c. d. Susan. Oh, missus I Golly how you are goin' it. Yum-yum ! Alice. Why, Laura, can you permit such a thing as that? Hod(;es. Laura I What does she mean, Alice. 26 Mrs. Grubb. She means just this, Mr. Hodges ; that is Alice Darling, and I am Mrs. Timothy Tisdale Grubb ; very much to my sorrow and disgrace. HoDGp;s. Mrs. Grubb? Great heavens! And I have been making love to her! I don't understand this. Mrs. Grubb. Neither do I, Mr. Hodges. For some uuknovpn reason, that Mr. Trott introduced us by different names. I thought it necessary for me to keep the secret, and did so. Now that I know the whole of Grubb's perfidy, I will no longer con- ceal my identity. Hod(tES. My dear Mrs. Grubb, believe that I sympathise with you, very deeply in this sorrow which has come upon you, and if there is anj'way in which I can help you Mrs. Gkubb. I thank you, Mr. Hodges ; but you can extend me no aid ; I shall return to my own home. Miss Darling, I would like to speak with you. Exit Alice and Mrs. Grubb, r. 2 d. Hodges. 1 will yet solve this. I will know who this miser- able man palmed off for liis wife, and I will unmask him in all his villainies. Susan. You'd better wait till my'Dolphus comes ; he's power- ful on unmaskin these villainarles what you were talkin about. Hodges. What do you mean, girl? Susan. My 'Dolphus what waits at the Cremorne. He's round yere somewhere, an' he'll be here soon. Enter Adoi.phus, c. d. Adolphus. Yer kin jest bet your sweet life, he will. Susan. {Aside to Adolphus.) Oh, 'Dolphns, here's a feller kicken up an awful row about sumfln' massa did. Fix it up, or we won't get all dem tings he promised. Adolphus. Well, I'm jest the butternut as kin fix up dose matters what requiies delicate mauifulatiou. {To Hodges.) Go in, old man. Hodges. What do you mean? Adolphus. Susan, here, said as how as you wanted to know sumfin 'bout dat Grubb. What is it? Hodges. Oh, yes ! You are one of the waiters at the Cre- morne, I believe; are you not? Adolphus. I'se de head waiter at dat 'spectable establish- ment. Susan. {Amlc) Now help massa out ob de scrape, an' we'll get all he promised to gib us. Adolphis. Oh, yes; seen Mr. Griibb dure. llODGKS. More than once? Adoi.phus. Bless yer, yes ; a hunder' times. Hodges. Was he with his wife? Adolphus. Allers; he uebbcr come wid anybody else. Hodges. (Aside.) A horrible suspicion begins to creep through my mind. (To Adolphis.) Do you know what name he called his wife? Adolphus. (^s/df.) Durned if I know. (7o Hodges.) I tink it was Hannah — ^yes, I'se sure it was Hannah. [Susan rnnkcs motions of dpspair to Adolphus. Hodges. (Aside.) Hannah! That was the name of Trott's daughter. He has ruined that poor old man's only daughter, and, at his age, he can never hope to get another. (To Adol- phus.) Did he ever have any children with him? Adolphus. Chillorn? Bress yer, he had as many as seben — all sizes. HODCiEs. (.l.s/(/''.) My worst suspicions are conlirmed. Susan. (A.'fidc to Adolphus.) You've tipped de milk ober, now. You hab made de scrape worse nor eber. Dat warn't massa's wife. Adolphus. (To 1Iod(;ks.) Oh, I know it was his wife what was wid him. Hodges. How do you know it? Adolphus. 'Cause he showed me his umrriage certificate, lots ob times. Why, he used ter come up ter me, an' say : " Dolly, my boy, this is my wife, an' these are my chillern." An' he used ter show me de certificate of each baby ter show dey was hissen. Hodges. Great heavens ! The man is a bigamist. ! Susan. Come away, Dolly ; come right away. Now you've gone an' made massa out a bigger sumflu' or unnudder, nor what he is. Adolphus. Well, ef dat don't get us de furniture, I'll nebber walk for an uudder cake. Exit Susan and Adolphus, c. d. ■ HODiiEs. This man is worse than I had any idea of. Here he has married two women, got seven children by one, and who knows how many by others? I'll have him arrested; it is a duty I ■>we to society, and I'll do my duty like a man. How 28 Utile did I think, wbeu I came here, that I was entering the liouse of sucli a prolific old viilian. Enter Tkott, c. d. Trott. Is Mr. Grubb here, Mr. Hodges? Hodges. No, sir, he is not here, and it is well for him that he is not. Mr. Trott do you know what Mr. Grubb is? Tkott. A man, I hope. Hodges. He is a base, unprincipled villain. Trott. Great heavens ! Hodges. He has ruined j'our daughter ! Trott. What? Hodges. He has had seven children by her. Trott. The Lord be merciful ! And she's only been away two years ! Is my daughter alive? Hodges. For her sake, I hope not. But never fear ; you shall have revenge. I go to seud for proofs. Exit Hodges, c. d Trott. He's gone for proofs that my poor little Hannah has got seven children; and only away tv/o years! Exit Trott, c. d. Enter Grubb, l. 1 d. Enter Alice, r. 1 D., with traoeUiny suit on, and rarryiny a satchel. Grubb. Why what does this mean? Alice. (Sohbiny.) I'm going, going away, and it's all through you. Grubb. Don't go. my dear, don't go. Stay here, and per- haps we shall get out of this scrape in time. Alice. Laura has sent me away ; I've got to go. Grubb. Laura has sent you away? Alice. Yes, she said I shouldn't stay another minute, and I'm — I'm going to New York. Grubb. You are, eh? Well, 111 go too. It's no use, I can't clear up this matter. The more I trj', the worse it grows, till I shall begin to believe it myself, if I stay here much longer. Wait a minute. [Grubb goes to winy at R., and throws in on to the staye, a valise, old pants, coats, shirts, etc. Then enters ayain, and commences to pack them in valise. We'll do the thing thorough ; no backing out. We can't stay here, and I don't know of ;iny place where we can stay. With the divine bard I can sing : 29 I huveu't got a penuy. As for credit, I liaven't any. I'm going to run awaj^, the truth to speak, And And my way to Texas or Pike's Peak. Leave my country, for my country' good, As patriot martyrs for their country should. Entar Hodgks, C. d. Hodges. {Aside.) Now he's going to elope with another woman. I must see Mrs. Grubb, and put a stop to this new iniquity. [Hodges creeps cautiously across stage, and Exit Hodges, r. 1 d. Grubb. Now, my dear, have you got everything you need? Alice. I can get along with what I have got, till I can get my trunk. Grubb. (FicJdny np umbreJla.) Then come along. In a short time we shall be out of this l)e(Jlam, which has been raised just because a man helped a girl who was hungry, and wanted to see her uucle. [Grubb and Alice start across stage, ivhen Enter Mrs. Grubb and Hexry, r. 1 d. Both in traveUiny cos- tume and carrying valises. lAlI the parties start in surprise at seeing the others. Alice. {Starting toward Henry.) Oh, Henry! Henry! you will come with me? Henry. Back girl, back ! Look to your aged lover for pro- tection ; but expect none from me. Alice. iDoivn stage, holding up valise.) I am going to leave this house ! Mrs. Grubb. {Doicn stage, holding up valise.) I am going to leave this house ! Henry. {Down stage, holding tip valise.) I am going to leave this house 1 Grubb. {Down stage, holding up raise.) I am going to leave this house ! Mrs. Grubb. It is quite time you did, and you want to take that girl with you, for whom you bought the Spitz puppy. Alice. You bad better wait for the lawyer who was on his knees to you a few moments ago. Gkubb. {Starting toward Mrs. Grubb.) What's that? Henry. {Starting toward Grubb.) Be careful, sir, this lady .10 18 under my protection. Gkubb. (Starting hncl\ and httldiny 7ip umhrdla.) Back, sir, back ! Dare to advance but one step nearer, and this weapon shall pierce your heart ! Enter Hodges, c. d. Hodges. {To Grubb.) Hold, rash man! Husband of two wives, and father of seven children, what wonld'st thou do? GiiUBB. Husband of two wives, and father of seven children? That settles it ! lSu\,ons and falls. Exit Mks. Grubb, and Hexry, r. 2d., hurriedly. Exit Alice and Hodges, r. 1 d., hnrriedly. Enter Trott. c. d. [TnoT'r .steps rantiGKS. Who said that Grubb had a spasm? Show me the mau who said it. [TiJOTT Junks oat from curtain, and dodges back. [Hodges goes up to Grubb and feels of his pnlse. Enter Mrs. Grubb, Alice, Henry, Susan and Adolphus, r. 2 D., each one irith handkerchief at eyes. IBegin to lower gas. very gradually. Hodges. Poor GiHibb ! His sius have been many ; but he will not long be answerable to an}' one here on earth. \^All walk around lounge, solemnly, then stand at r. Mrs. Grubb. {Advancing and, looking at Grubb.) Oh, Timo- thy, how could y(ju do it? Exit Mrs. Grubb, r. 2 d. Alice. {Advancing and looking at Grubb.) Oh, Timothy, how could you do it? Exit Alice, r. 2 d. Henry. Poor Cirubb I I'll have a (luarf or two of blood taken away from yon before I give up all hope. Hodges. {Advancing and Joiiking at Grubb.) Oh, Timothy, how could you do it? Exit Hodges, r. 2 d. Susan. I'll pour boiling water on his feet before I give him up. Henry. {Advancing and looking at Grubb.) Oh, Timothy, how could you do it? Exit Henry, r. 2 d. Adolphus. {Advancing and loidcing at Grubb.) Oh, Timothy, how could you do it? Exit Adolphus, r. 2 d. Susan. {Advancing and looking at Grubb.) Oh, Timothy, how could you do it? Exit Susan, r. 2 d. [Grubb looks out cautiously from sheet; then jttmps vp. Grubb. Trott, Trott, come out ! [Trott comes from behind curtain.] Tell, me Trott, is there anything in my personal ap- pearance which would brand me as a man who was capable of losing a couple of quarts of blood, and then have his feet put in boiling water? Trott. No, I must say that you do not resemble such a man. But, Mr. Grubb, how long are you going to keep this thing up? 32 GuiBB. I don't know. At this rate, I shall have to keep it up for the rest of m}' natural life. Hark! someone is coming. [GurBB covers himseJf again. [Gas fully down now, save one UyJit ichich nuist be thrown on outside of ivindotc in which Tkott is hiding. [Trott hides hehind cnrtain again. Enter Susax, u 2d. Susan. I couldn't help coniiu" back again. He will make sich a beautiful corpse. What makes the room so dark? Oh, the curtains are down. l^Goes to Tijott's u-indoic and raises curtain. Tkott is seen standing as if he were hanging. [Sf.SAN .screams nnd then Exits R. 2 d., crying : Mr. Trott has huny himself! Mr. Trott has hung himself! Oh, murder! murder! [Gkubb j?a?i/js tip. GiiuBB. Now j^ou've made a mess of it ! What shall we do? [TitoTT runs to lounge ; Gjiubb runs to icindow. Trott. There coming ! There coming! [Trott covers himself up on lounge; Grubb gets hehind cnrtin. and Exits through window. Ent' r SrsAN, Mits. Grubb, Aoce, Hodges. Hexry. and Adol- PHUS, R. 2 D. \_Lights up. Susax. Dare he am, behind dat curtain! I saw him! I saw him ! Hodges. Nonsense, I don't think there is anything there. [Hodges goes toward curtain; women scream; Hodges touches curtain, and then draws back frightened. Hodges. (7'o Henry.) Of course there is nothing there; but perhaps as you are about to be related to the family, j^ou had better look. [Hexry hesitatingly raises curtain. Hexry. Why, there's nothing there. Hodges. I knew Susan was more frightened than hurt. Susan. But he was dai-e, fur I seen him, an' he looked awful. Hodges. Nonsense, girl, you were dreaming. I'd stake my life that Trott was not, and had not been in the room for the List hour. 33 Hknry. Never mind about Trott; of course Susau didn't see him. The important question now, is whether we can do any- thing for Grubb. [Gops to lounge and jyiiJIs down sheet.] Great heavens I [ The rromen scream ; IIoDtJKS puUs Trott to his feet. HoDGKS. You villain! Where is your partner in crime, Grubb? Trott. I don't know, sir; indeed I don't. Henry. Don't lie to us, sir; but tell us where Grubb is. Trott. (Oh his knees.) I swear to you that I don't know any- thing about him. Tlie last I saw of him was when he went be- hind those curtains. I think the devil has got him. Enter Grt'BB, c d. Grubb. Tlie devil has had me for tiie last few hours ; but he will have me no longer. I have braced up ; am going to tell my story just as it happened, and those that don't believe me can go to the — needn't. I went to New York; met a woman in dis- tress — hungry; took iier in and fed her. I would have found her uncle for her if I had had time. That was the only woman I ever knew anything about in New York. You can believe it or not. Enter Maud, c. d. Maitj). I was sent Cor from this house. Who was it who was so anxious to see me? Grubb. By Jove I it's my luingry girl who was in search of an uncle. Mai:d. Hello! My pious friend who treated me to supper! Gri'bb. You've come just in the nick of time. Maitd. I'm glad of that ; it's always so pleasant. But do you know that I've been looking for you? Gri'bb. Looking for me? What for? IFirst Bell, Mai'd. You remember the night we took supper together? Grubb. Remember it! I haven't had a chance to forget it. Mai^d. Well you went away in such a hurry that you forgot to settle the bill. I had to pay it, and liere it is. [ Takes hill from pocket. Ten dollars and twent3'-flve cents. Grubb. Holy Moses? That bill again ! Here quick! [Gives her money, and put hill in pocket. Mat'I). (Lookinf/ around.) Why uncle ! I've found you at last ! 34 How gl;;d I am ! [JRnshps up to Hodges, j»(te- hci' arms annind his )ircJi. and lasses Mm. How did yon happen to come here? Hodges. ("r'/MAUD.) We'll talk about that presently. You were \ cry imprudent to speak to me here. (7'o others.) Now, I think, we may believe Mr. Grubh, and be couAiucedof his inno- cence. If necessarj', I could make more detailed explanations; but I hope you will spare the blushes of tliis fair creature, who — I mean, ra}' niece. Maud. But what I want to know is, who sent for me? Adolpiius. I had de felicity ob ditiu' dat message. Maud. You here, Dolly, old boy? Put it there my hearty! [Maud shakes hands, roiKjhly, with Adolphus. GiiuBB.. {To audience.) And now kind friends, at last I am out of that devil of a scrape. Maud. (To audience.) And he knows now that he has paid for tlie supper. CUB TAIN. o — mS^ ^'^ CONGRESS 016 103 626 2