LIBRARY OF CONGRESS^ 
 
 i'nap..,,..,_ Copyright No. 
 
 Shelf •_4-?^^<^/ 
 
 UNITED STATES OF AM^f^ 
 
ORIGINAL POEMS 
 
 AND 
 
 SPICY LECTURES 
 
 BY 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 
 / r /-* 
 
 d , ^k. y^-- ^ ' 
 
 DD TPT? I ^^ ^^^' ^'^^ Paper Binding-. 
 
 i JaILIj . 50 cts. for English Cloth Binding. 
 
 Note. — If you have not already paid for this book, or wish to 
 have another copy, please enclose stamps to A. W. Payne, Shadwell 
 P. O., Albemarle Co., Va. 
 
TWO COPIES RECEIVED, 
 
 Library of Congrfl«% 
 Office of tha 
 
 DEC 1 9 1&99 
 
 Register of Copyright^ 
 
 
 COPYRIGHT. 
 
 A. W. PAYNE. 
 1899. 
 
 SECOND COPY, 
 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 Page. 
 
 Dedication, - - -'- - - - - 5 
 
 Preface No. i, -^------7 
 
 A Badly Mixed Dream of the Keswick Hunt Club, 10 
 
 To the Keswick Hunting Club, - - - - 22 
 
 Preface No. 2, - - - 24 
 
 The Dead Eagle, 26 
 
 Preface No. 3, 28 
 
 A Parody on Poe's Raven, - - - - - 30 
 
 " The Destiny of Man," ------ 40 
 
 "To Emma," 70 
 
 Mary Without a Lamb, 72 
 
 The Undertaker, - - - - - ~ - - 74 
 
 Poor Bleeding Spain, - 76 
 
 Why I Didn't Patent the Sausage-Grinder, - - 78 
 
 German at the Club-House, ----- 81 
 
 Our Republican Government, - - - - 85 
 
 A Pilgrimage to Winnie's Tomb, - - - - 100 
 
DEDICATION. 
 
 Reader! this book is dedicated to yon. If 
 it raises a smile, drives care from your heart 
 even for an hour, and makes yon better na- 
 tnred, 
 
 I AM CONTENT. 
 
 If yon can write a worse book, don't yon 
 do it; if yon can write a better one, do it 
 quickly for the edification of 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 
PREFACE No. i. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen: 
 
 When I tell you that I am suffering with 
 Payne from head to foot, you will then be 
 able to make some allowance for my short- 
 comings, and not expect from me anything of 
 much importance. You all know that I am 
 unaccustomed to appear before an audience — 
 and more especially one like this, which is 
 composed of the elite and talent of the entire 
 State. 
 
 I shall Long remember your kindness, for 
 asking one of the " Hewers of wood, and 
 drawers of water " to contribute to your pres- 
 ent stock of amusement — for which I expect 
 no Money; neither do I ask for fame or glory, 
 for as my old friend, John Falstaff, said on 
 more than one occasion, it will neither set a 
 
 leg, or mend an arm, and I'll have none of it. 
 [7] 
 
8 
 
 You may as well tell me that Black is white, 
 or that you can Reed my thoughts in the 
 Sands, or that Foxs do not live with Calves, 
 or that R-u-f-f-i-n does not spell Randolph and 
 that George Macon did not hug that girl 
 whilst dancing the German, as to tell me that 
 Jonah did not swallow the whale. 
 
 I know you all to be honorable men and 
 women, and I trust that you may remeini3er 
 that dishonor would be a seal upon the tomb of 
 Hope, by which, like some lost, sorrowing 
 angel, sad memory would dwell evermore. 
 Some of you have money to spare, some have 
 beautiful faces, and some have pretty feathers 
 in their hats, and the sweet perfume which 
 often floats upon the breeze, causes me to 
 think that the Fox is chasing a Musk-Rat 
 through a field of new-mown hay. 
 
 Others here have much wisdom, and may 
 probably think that they are the main wheel 
 in the machinery that revolves the universe, 
 but when the clock of time shall run down and 
 
the angels shall cry, Holy, Holy, be the name 
 of him who slew the lamb, and the silver cord 
 is loosened, and the golden bowl is broken, 
 then it will come to pass that the Shepherd's 
 crook will lay beside the sceptre, and you will 
 be required to give an account of the talents 
 placed in your hands for a purpose. 
 
 For myself, I would say, that I am not very 
 anxious to cross that stream, as I do not swim, 
 and they say it has a Shackel-ford. 
 
 With your permission, I shall now proceed 
 to unfold my dream of the Hunt Club, and 
 since I am suffering with a Payne all over, 
 in spots about the size of a blanket, I hope 
 that that pin will not fall without being plainly 
 heard. 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 
A BADLY MIXED DREAM OF THE 
 KESWICK HUNT CLUB. 
 
 I had a dream, which was not all a dream; 
 
 Methought that I was tossed upon 
 
 The raging billows of the deep, 
 
 With only a broken spar, and 
 
 An old shoe 'twixt me and eternity. 
 
 And that a mermaid clasped 
 
 Its arms around my neck 
 
 And carried me to the bottom of the sea. 
 
 Oh ! what Payne it was to drown. 
 
 I saw dismantled ships, horse fiddles, 
 
 Crutches for lame ducks, and 
 
 Cross-eyed spectacles, and 
 
 Broken promises, and the 
 
 Wild poet's lost reputation. 
 
 And the bones of men and w^omen 
 
 Lav scattered on the bottom of the deep; 
 
 [lo] 
 
II 
 
 And in their gaping skulls, 
 
 Where once their eyes did dwell, 
 
 Was now a mass of living things. 
 
 A change came o'er the spirit of my dream 
 
 The bands played and the bugle called. 
 
 And I found myself at an animal show. 
 
 I saw the great giaskutus, which 
 
 Was discovered in the unexplored 
 
 Regions of Africa — a thousand 
 
 Miles beneath the surface of the earth. 
 
 He had a thousand and one 
 
 Stripes upon his back. 
 
 Neither one of vvhich was 
 
 Running in the same direction. 
 
 A box of monkeys and the 
 
 Cunning Fox were there; 
 
 And I Early found that 
 
 There was Money in the enterprise. 
 
 P^or there was Purvis, with a whole 
 
 Drove of Calves, and also a 
 
 T-arge herd of " My Dear," with 
 
 Several of a larger species that had 
 
12 
 
 Strayed from a lodge of Elks. 
 
 Mary and the lamb were there, 
 
 And almost every fellow 
 
 Carried a live duck upon his arm. 
 
 And judging from the feathers 
 
 Scattered around, there must have 
 
 Been an aviary of uncommon birds. 
 
 The innocent Musk-Rat had been 
 
 Slaughtered for his perfume; 
 
 So I did not see the cussed thinof. 
 
 But smelled him, all the same. 
 
 They had the smartest clown of the present 
 
 day, 
 Who said, " Ladies and gentlemen, walk this 
 
 way, 
 And I'll convince you that I am right, 
 When I frankly tell you that Black is white." 
 Another change came o'er my dream; 
 I had crossed the treacherous Sands 
 Of the desert in search of the 
 Lake of " Como," and when I 
 Stood upon its banks, 
 
13 
 
 I could hear music from sweet lutes, 
 
 And every breeze was laden 
 
 With perfume of the orange grove, 
 
 And murmurs of low fountains. 
 
 As they gushed forth from 
 
 Amidst a forest of cape jessamines, 
 
 And blooming roses. 
 
 Hankie blew his horn, 
 And said, " follow me," if I 
 Would invest my Money in the 
 Dance — it was not the minuet or 
 Highland fling, and when I 
 Was informed that it was the 
 " Dutchman " I at once concluded 
 That I would take a back seat, 
 Thinking that no one would find my retreat; 
 And instead of hugging a girl, whilst whirling 
 
 around. 
 Would prefer doing that, while sitting down. 
 I will bet you Money or any thing, 
 That if at the door bell you ring; 
 Then with your girl sit on the rug, 
 
H 
 
 And with your arms around her hug and hug, 
 
 That the old man will give your ear a box, 
 
 And chase you around, just like a fox. 
 
 I know one girl, whom a Button claims. 
 
 Would set the house-top all in flames, 
 
 And then would calmly draw her gun. 
 
 And with flow of soul join in the fun. 
 
 The boy who could not catch that Fox, I hear, 
 
 Has captured him a lovely dear; 
 
 But what will the little creature say, 
 
 When you hug the girls both night and day? 
 
 Behind the curtains a storm will rise, 
 
 Much worse than any from the skies; 
 
 Then if you do not lose your hair, 
 
 A lucky dog, I'll think you are. 
 
 You had better stop this thing, and I'll tell 
 
 you why. 
 The time may come, in the sweet bye and bye. 
 When your darling may retaliate, 
 And then to compromise 'twill be too late. 
 And no balm in Gilead will be found 
 To mend the breach or cure the wound. 
 
IS 
 
 To honest Joe, I'll give a Long — farewell, 
 Hope all your plans may turn out well; 
 But in crossing- that stream, adown the road, 
 Rememher, it has a Shackel-ford. 
 And don't let that spry Fox catch your goose, 
 For she might never let him loose, 
 And then with fowl and Money gone, 
 You'll wish that you had not been born. 
 My dream is o'er, and if too much is said. 
 With a Zephyr strike me on the head; 
 For sink or swim, rise or fall, 
 Fll meet you at the Dutchman's ball. 
 And if you can Reed, as well as Right, 
 And hwK' that all the Blacks are white; 
 Fll journey towards another town. 
 And hug my girl, whilst sitting down. 
 For Fd rather be a spotted toad, 
 Or drink my coffee from a gourd; 
 Then, on the vapors of the dungeon live. 
 Than to always take and never give — 
 A gentle squeeze. 
 
i6 
 
 But another and the last change came o'er 
 the spirit of my dream. 
 The bright sun was extinguished, and the 
 
 stars 
 Did wander darkhng in the eternal space, 
 Rayless, and pathless, and the icy earth 
 Swung blind and blackening in the moonless 
 
 air; 
 Morn came, and went, and came, and brought 
 
 no day; 
 And men forgot their passions, in the dread 
 Of this, their desolation; and all, hearts 
 Were chilled into a selfish prayer for light. 
 And they did live by watch fires — and the 
 
 thrones, 
 The palaces of crowned kings — the huts, 
 The habitations of all things which dwell. 
 Were burnt for beacons; cities were consumed, 
 And men were gathered round their blazing 
 
 homes 
 To look once more into each other's faces; 
 Happy were those who dwelt within the eye 
 
17 
 
 Of the volcanoes, and their mountain torch; 
 A fearful hope was all the world contained; 
 Forests were set on fire, but hour by hour 
 They fell and faded, and the crackling trunks 
 Extinguished with a crash and all was black. 
 The brows of men, by the despairing light. 
 Wore an unearthly aspect, as by fits 
 The flashes fell upon them; some lay down 
 And hid their eyes and wept, and some did 
 
 rest 
 Their chins upon their clinched hands and 
 
 smiled. 
 And others hurried to and fro and fed 
 The funeral piles with fuel, and looked up 
 With mad disquietude on the dull sky — 
 The pall of a past world; and then again 
 With curses cast them down upon the dust, 
 And gnashed their teeth and howled. The wild 
 
 birds shrieked. 
 And, terrified, did flutter on the ground, 
 And flap their useless wings; the wildest brutes 
 Came tame and tremulous, and vipers crawled 
 
And twined themselves among the midtitude, 
 Hissing, but stingless — they were slain for 
 
 food; 
 And War, which for a moment was no more, 
 Did glut himself again — a meal was bought 
 With blood, and each sate sullenly apart 
 Gorging himself in gloom. No love was left, 
 All earth was but one thought, and that was 
 
 death, 
 Immediate and inglorious, and the pang 
 Of famine fed upon all entrails — men 
 Died and their bones were tombless as their 
 
 flesh; 
 The meagre by the meagre were devoured. 
 Even dogs assailed their masters, all save one, 
 And he was faithful to the corpse, and kept 
 The birds and beasts and famished men at bay. 
 Till hunger clung them, or the dropping dead 
 Lured their lank jaws; himself sought out no 
 
 food. 
 But with a piteous and perpetual moan. 
 And quick, desolate cry, licking the hand 
 
19 
 
 Which answered not with a caress — he died. 
 The crowd was famished by degrees, but two 
 Of an enormous city did survive, 
 And they were enemies; they met beside 
 The dying embers of an altar-place 
 Where had been heaped a mass of holy things 
 For an unholy usage; they raked up. 
 And, shivering, scraped with their cold, skele- 
 ton hands 
 The feeble ashes, and their feeble breath 
 Blew for a little life and made a flame 
 Which was a mockery; then they lifted up 
 Their eyes as it grew lighter, and beheld 
 Each other's aspects — saw, and shrieked, and 
 
 died — 
 Unknowing whom he was upon whose brow 
 Famine had written Fiend. The world was 
 
 void, 
 The populous and the powerful was a lump, 
 Seasonless, herbless, treeless, manless, lifeless, 
 A lump of death, a chaos of hard clay. 
 The rivers, lakes, and ocean stood still. 
 
20 
 
 And nothing stirred within their silent depths; 
 
 Ships, sailorless, lay rotting on the sea, 
 
 And their masts fell down piecemeal; as they 
 
 dropped 
 They slept on the abyss without a surge — 
 The waves were dead; the tides were in their 
 
 grave. 
 The moon, their mistress, had expired before; 
 The winds were withered in the stagnant air, 
 And the clouds perished; Darkness had no 
 
 need 
 Of aid from them — she was the universe. 
 
 I found these flowers on the rug, 
 Which I intend to hug and hug; 
 And if, at the ball, I'm on a lark, 
 I'll squeeze you all till the Foxes bark. 
 And then, if all the lights go out. 
 You'll think a Mtisk-Raf is about; 
 Or Maggie with her new-mown hay, 
 Is either here or on the way. 
 
21 
 
 She'll make you think that Black is white, 
 Before the sun will show his light. 
 Then slyly laughing in her sleeve, 
 Will kindly tell you all to leave. 
 But hearts that love like mine, forget not, 
 Will be the same in weal or woe; 
 And the star of Memory will set not, 
 Whether she tells me to stay or go. 
 
TO THE KESWICK HUNTING CLUB. 
 
 MUZZLE YOUR HOUNDS AND GO SLOW. 
 
 Oh! give me some sequestered spot, 
 Where men with clubs, will find me not. 
 But let me at my dear " Retreat," 
 Go swallow down corn bread and meat. 
 Your building ought to be a Church, 
 That Wharton, with a good long birch 
 Might whip the Heathen of our land 
 Into the ranks of '' Gideon's band." 
 
 Oh ! give me some sequestered spot. 
 Where Ruffin's hounds will chase me not; 
 'Tis said the darn things sometimes bite, 
 Unless you go up on a kite. 
 Foxes, they say, are tricky things, 
 And sometimes carry turkey wings; 
 George ran one up and down the hill, 
 But never yet could foot the bill. 
 
 [22] 
 
23 
 
 Oh ! give me some sequestered spot, 
 Where tipsy men will find me not; 
 But let their presence be a dream, 
 Of handing around the cake and cream. 
 Wheelbarrow races may be fun, 
 And other foolish things are done; 
 But after a storm there '11 be a calm. 
 To greet dear Mary and the lamb. 
 
 Oh! give me some sequestered spot. 
 Where good, ripe apples do not rot; 
 You should not leave your darling wife 
 And risk the losing of your life. 
 When I am Poet Laureate 
 I'll write you up, from day to date, - 
 When Thurman all the races beat. 
 Report to me at my " Retreat." 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 Keswick, Va., July, i. 
 
PREFACE No. 2. 
 
 There are, no doubt, some present who do 
 not take any stock in Hunting Ckibs, and 
 would rather hear of something else. And 
 if thev have ever been fanned by the wino;s of 
 the American Eagle, they would like to know 
 what will be done with the carcass of the noble 
 bird that lost his life by putting his foot into 
 a trap which Agasta set for him in the Philip- 
 pine Islands. 
 
 Mr. Monroe told the bird that he must stay 
 upon the American Continent, be satisfied 
 with doing well, and let better alone. 
 
 But Mr. Alger induced him to believe that 
 
 he would be safe with General Miles and the 
 
 whole of the American army, but you all now^ 
 
 see what a great mistake was made. Mr. 
 
 McKinley now proposes to give us in his stead 
 
 a Fluvanna crow% if Mark Hanna has enough 
 [24] 
 
25 
 
 left of the twelve millions to buy one. But 
 up there, they are all such spendthrifts that 
 I cannot say how the affair will wind up. 
 Mr. Cleveland left with them a hundred mil- 
 lions, and I loaned them my fifty millions, 
 and now it is all gone, and they are crying 
 for more money, but I am hugely of the 
 opinion that old Mc. will have to do as Abe 
 Lincoln did — maul rails for his living, unless 
 he can make money enough by swapping 
 knives with the niggers. 
 
 I imagine now, that I can see him watching 
 and waiting for his nigger, whilst he is sitting 
 on a curb-stone, smiling at a ten cent piece. 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 
THE DEAD EAGLE. 
 
 'Tis surely done — I saw it in my dreams, 
 No more with hope or wealth the future 
 
 beams; 
 Our Uncle Sam has lost his ancient pride — 
 For greed of gain the American Eagle died, 
 And with him sleeps memorial days of yoje, 
 Like the lost pleiads, gone forevermore. 
 
 Most noble bird, how camest thou to die? 
 Did lapsing years cause thee in dust to lie? 
 Or, did some whirlwind on thy path descend, 
 O'er rugged cliffs, and cause thy life to end? 
 And is thy course, thy curbless freedom o'er, 
 And art thou lost, and dead, forevermore? 
 
 Bird of the sun, to thee was given 
 
 To guard the noblest born of heaven, 
 
 To hover in the sulphur smoke. 
 
 And ward away the battle stroke, 
 
 And freedom save 'mid cannon's roar; 
 
 But now, alas! thou art no more! 
 [26] 
 
27 
 
 You should have told this for a fact 
 That you lay bleeding for old Mc, 
 Who trampled you, that he might ride, 
 In triumph, o'er the troubled tide; 
 Whilst Hanna buys for us a crow, 
 That will caw for evermore. 
 
 It was decreed by our Monroe 
 That to foreign climes you should not go; 
 But Alger said with many smiles, 
 That you would be safe with General Miles, 
 But in this he blundered, as before. 
 And disgraced himself forcvcrmove. 
 
 Like the green bay-tree, he reared his head, 
 Defied the living, trampled the dead; 
 But when the people came to know 
 Who was their friend, and who their foe. 
 They took him down, with head so sore, 
 'Twill ache forevermore. 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 
PREFACE No. 3. 
 
 I am come to tell you of my disappointment 
 in not being allowed the privilege of pulling 
 the rag from the face of the immortal poet 
 "Edgar Allen Poe ! " But 
 
 " It was ever thus; from childhood's hour, 
 Eve seen my fondest hopes decay; 
 I never loved a tree or flower, 
 But what 'twas first to fade away. 
 
 " I never nursed a dear gazelle, 
 To glad me with its soft black eye; 
 But when it came to know me well. 
 And lotw mc, it was sure to die." 
 
 To make myself ready for this interesting 
 
 event, I had become a midnight student o'er 
 
 the dreams of Sages, and had manufactured a 
 
 speech that would have reminded you of a 
 
 hornet's nest, or some other masterpiece of 
 [28] 
 
29 
 
 mechanism. In fact, we had planned to hang 
 our hat high upon the niche of fame, and in- 
 tended to add another sprig of evergreen to 
 the wreath which was placed around the urn, 
 '' beneath which the nation mourns.'' But my 
 eloquence has been lost to the present genera- 
 tion, and will only be remembered as a thing 
 that might have been. 
 
 But I am going to get even with those 
 French gentlemen, by writing a Parody on 
 Mr. Poe's Raven, that will knock all the spots 
 out of the original, and cause the patrons of 
 home talent to pull tzvo rags from the face 
 of my bust, when it is unveiled. 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 
A PARODY ON POE'S RAVEN!! 
 
 BY YOURS TRULY. 
 
 Once upon a midnight dreary, while I had 
 
 been drinking Port and Sherry, 
 And mixing that with all the different brands 
 
 that were in the store — 
 While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly 
 
 there came a tapping, 
 As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my 
 
 • chamber door. 
 *' 'Tis some visitor," I muttered, '' tapping at 
 
 my chamber door — 
 
 Only this and nothing more." 
 
 Ah, distinctly, I remember it was the wild poet 
 
 on a bender, 
 Who said, '' Neighbor, I am dying and would 
 
 be laid upon the floor." 
 
 Eagerly I bottled up his sorrows, and told him 
 
 to call again to-morrow, 
 [30] 
 
31 
 
 Or I would shoot him with an arrow if he kept 
 
 fooling after my Lenore — 
 With the rare and radiant maiden whom the 
 
 angels name Lenore — 
 
 Nameless here forevermore. 
 
 And the unpaid bills for rustling skirts and 
 
 our new curtain 
 Thrilled me — filled me with fantastic terrors 
 
 never felt before; 
 So that now, to still the beating of my heart, 
 
 I stood repeating, 
 " 'Tis some of^cer entreating entrance at my 
 
 chamber door — 
 Some constable entreating entrance at my 
 
 chamber door — 
 
 This it is and nothing more." 
 
 Presently with drinks mixed stronger, hesi- 
 tating then no longer, 
 
 '' Sir," said I, '' or Madam, truly your for- 
 giveness I implore; 
 
32 
 
 But the fact is I was napping, and so gently 
 
 you came rapping, 
 And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at 
 
 my chamber door, 
 That I scarce was sure I heard you." — here 
 
 I opened wide the door — 
 
 Darkness there and nothing more. 
 
 Deep into the darkness peering, without a 
 drink, I was wandering, fearing. 
 
 Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever 
 dared to dream before; 
 
 When at last the silence was broken, and 
 Philpots sent to me a token, 
 
 Saying, " Will you take your oysters on the 
 shell for your ' Lenore '? " 
 
 This to me Philpots whispered, and I mur- 
 mured " let her go " — 
 
 Merely this and nothing more. ^^ 
 
 Back into the chamber turning, all my soul 
 
 within me burning, 
 Soon again I heard a tapping, something 
 
 louder than before. 
 
33 
 
 Let me see, it was Armstrong with drinks who 
 
 did implore 
 More oysters on the shell for my dear 
 
 " Lenore," 
 Who said she'd take them stewed or fried or 
 
 just as before — 
 
 This it was and nothing- more. 
 
 Open wide I flung the shutter, when, with 
 
 many a flirt and flutter 
 In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly 
 
 days of yore. 
 Not the least obeisance made he, not a minute 
 
 stopped or staid he, 
 But Yours Truly says the darn thing was a 
 
 crow — 
 Perched upon the bust of Pallas just above 
 
 the chamber door — 
 
 Perched and sat and nothing more. 
 
 Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy 
 
 into smiling-, 
 By grave and stern decorum of the countc- 
 
 ^""ance it wore, 
 3 
 
34 
 
 I soon found out from my " Lenore " that 
 she'd neither pet a raven or a crow, 
 
 But said if I'd get for her a bird of Paradise, 
 she would kiss me once or twice. 
 
 And when I said to her as once before, why 
 not to the Parson go — 
 
 Quoth the Raven, " nevermore." 
 
 Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear 
 
 discourse so plainly; 
 But when Ballentine and Lawyer Hill said 
 
 they'd set'm up and foot the bill, 
 I forgot all about my bird, and called the 
 
 '^ Elks " up in a herd. 
 Who drank to the health of my " Lenore," 
 
 whom we hugged at the German as before. 
 When that bird or beast upon the sculptured 
 
 bust above the chamber door — 
 
 With such name as " Nevermore." 
 
 But the raven, sitting lonely on that placid 
 
 bust, spoke only 
 That one word, as if his soul in that one word 
 
 he did outpour 
 
35 
 
 Sherry cobblers and all the drinks, that would 
 knock from my cold the kinks. 
 
 I offered him a zephyr and ten dollar bill, if 
 he'd stop his noise, and keep right still 
 
 And on the morrow he would leave me, as my 
 hopes have flown before — 
 
 Then the bird said " nevermore." 
 
 Startled at the stillness broken by reply so 
 
 aptly spoken, 
 T asked Armstrong for a glass of beer, but as 
 
 the Frenchman could not hear, 
 Thought I'd ring up Philpots who would do 
 
 as well, to send me oysters on the shell. 
 For which the reader of this book must pay, 
 
 and send me out of town to-day~; 
 And if I should return no more, please take 
 
 care of dear '' Lenore " — 
 
 For I may see her '' nevermore." 
 
 But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul 
 
 into smiling, 
 Straight I called for whiskey enough to drown 
 
 the snakes that were in mv boots. 
 
36 
 
 Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook my- 
 self to linking 
 
 Fancy into fancy, thinking what this ominous 
 bird of yore — 
 
 What this fool raven or a crow — this un- 
 gainly bird of yore 
 
 Meant in croaking " nevermore." 
 
 Thus I sat engaged in guessing, but no sylla- 
 ble expressing 
 
 When Armstrong came rapping at the door, 
 and said, '" Will you take something 
 more? " 
 
 Then Hayes walked in just like a swell, with 
 more oysters on the shell. 
 
 This and more I sat defining, with my head at 
 ease reclining 
 
 On the cushion's velvet lining with the lamp- 
 light gloating o'er 
 
 That sJic shall press, ah, nevermore ! 
 
 Then, methought, the air grew denser, per- 
 fumed from an unseen censer, 
 
 Swung by Seraphim, whose foot-falls tinkled 
 on the tufted floor. 
 
"Wretch," I cried, ''did Philpots send thee? — 
 by those devils he hath sent thee — 
 
 For what money I did owe, for feeding my 
 half-starved '' Lenore." 
 
 QuafT; oh, quafT, this kind nepenthe and for- 
 get this lost " Lenore ! " 
 
 Quoth the Raven, " nevermore." 
 
 "Prophet," said I, "thing of evil! — prophet 
 
 still, if bird or devil ! — 
 Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest 
 
 tossed thee here ashore, 
 I'd sooner see Hamlet or his ghost, with his 
 
 best girl sitting on a post — 
 And if things went from bad to worse, I'd 
 
 'phone for Perley and his hearse; 
 Is there — is there no balm in Gilead? Tell me, 
 
 tell me, I implore ! " 
 
 Quoth the Raven, " nevermore." 
 
 " Prophet," said I, " thing of evil — prophet 
 
 still, if bird or devil ! 
 By that Heaven that bends above us — by that 
 
 God we both adore — 
 
38 
 
 I shall here promise my Lenore, that with 
 
 devils I'll drink no more; 
 But clasp a sainted maiden, whom the angels 
 
 name Lenore — 
 Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the 
 
 angels name Lenore." 
 
 Quoth the Raven, " nevermore." 
 
 " Be that word or sign of parting, bird or 
 
 fiend ! " I shrieked, upstarting — 
 " Get thee back into the tempest and the 
 
 Night' s Plutonian shore ! 
 Go thou with vehement muchness, and fool 
 
 Ballentine or the Duchess, 
 For no more of your Hes I will believe, whilst 
 
 you're laughing in your sleeve; 
 Take thy beak from out my heart, and take 
 
 thy form from off my door." 
 
 Quoth the Raven, " nevermore." 
 
 And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting — 
 
 still is sitting 
 On the pallid bust of Pallas just above the 
 
 chamber door; 
 
39 
 
 I'd take my gun and shoot the demon, were 
 
 it not that I am dreaming 
 Of snakes and X-bones on the floor, which the 
 
 lamp-Hght throws their shadows o'er, 
 And my soul from out those shadows that He 
 
 floating on the floor 
 
 Shah be Hfted " nevermore." 
 
 We'H bid farewell to Edgar Poe, and securely 
 
 lock the outside door, 
 And with voice as gentle as an infant's dream, 
 
 we'll go and order more ice-cream 
 From the " Kitchen," whose cook takes the 
 
 rag, brush and all, this early in the fall — 
 She'll give you broken promises fried in batter 
 
 and tell you that it doesn't matter 
 Whether you eat with impunity or a spoon, if 
 
 you finish, get up and go. 
 
 And let her see you " nevermore." 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 Retreat, October 24, 1899. 
 
"THE DESTINY OF MAN. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen: 
 
 It is my purpose on this occasion to make 
 some remarks on the past, present and future 
 destiny of the '' animal man." And whilst I 
 could follow him, step by step, from the crea- 
 tion of the world to the present day, I shall 
 be compelled to scale the march of time and 
 make long strides o'er its rugged field, in 
 order that your patience may not be worn or 
 trespassed upon. 
 
 In the first place, we shall take you back to 
 the time when the Almighty God brought into 
 existence the living creatures which at the 
 present time continue to occupy the earth 
 upon which we live. After He had divided 
 the light from the darkness, and gathered to- 
 gether the waters, that dry land might appear, 
 
 and placed lights in the firmament of the 
 [40] 
 
41 
 
 Heaven to give light upon the earth, He 
 created the fishes of the sea, the fowls of the 
 air, the beasts of the field, and everything that 
 creepeth upon the face of the earth. With 
 much satisfaction He looked upon His work 
 and blessed it, saying be fruitful and multiply 
 and replenish the earth. But on the morning 
 of the sixth day He concluded to place a ruler 
 over all these things and consequently deter- 
 mined to create the " animal man " in His 
 own image. And He said unto him multiply 
 and replenish the earth and subdue it, and 
 have dominion over the fowl of the air and 
 over every living thing that moveth upon the 
 earth, and God said, " Behold, I have given 
 you every herb bearing seed wdiich is upon the 
 face of the earth, and every tree, in which is 
 the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall 
 be for meat, and to every beast of the earth, 
 and to every fowl of the air, and to everything 
 that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is 
 life, I have given every green herb for meat." 
 
42 
 
 And the Lord God planted a garden east- 
 ward in Eden; and there He put the animal 
 whom He had formed. And out of the ground 
 made the Lord God to grow every tree that is 
 pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the 
 tree of life also in the midst of the garden, 
 and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. 
 And the Lord God commanded the man, say- 
 ing, " Of every tree of the garden thou mayest 
 freely eat. But of the tree of the knowledge 
 of good and evil thou shalt not eat of it; for 
 in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shall 
 surely die." And the Lord God caused a deep 
 sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and He 
 took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh 
 instead thereof. And the rib which the Lord 
 God had taken from man made the woman, 
 and brought her unto the man. And Adam 
 said. This is bone of my bones and flesh of my 
 flesh; she shall be called woman, because she 
 was taken out of man. Now the serpent was 
 more subtle than any beast of the field which 
 
43 
 
 the Lord God had made. And he said unto 
 the woman, Yea, hath God said. Ye shall not 
 eat of every tree of the garden? And the wo- 
 man said unto the serpent, We may eat of the 
 fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the 
 garden, God hath said. Ye shall not eat of it, 
 neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the 
 serpent said unto the woman. Ye shall not 
 surely die; for God doth know that in the day 
 ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, 
 and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and 
 evil. And when the woman saw that the tree 
 zvas good for food, and that it was pleasant 
 to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make 
 one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and 
 did eat, and gave also unto her husband with 
 her; and he did eat. And the eyes of them 
 were both opened. And they heard the voice 
 of the Lord God walking in the garden in the 
 cool of the day; and Adam and his wife hid 
 themselves from the presence of the Lord God 
 amongst the trees of the garden. And He said 
 
44 
 
 unto the woman, What is this that thou hast 
 done? And the woman said, The serpent be- 
 guiled me and I did eat. And the Lord God 
 said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done 
 this thou art cursed above all cattle, and above 
 every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt 
 thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days 
 of thy life. Unto the woman He said, I will 
 greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy concep- 
 tion; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children, 
 and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he 
 shall rule over thee. And unto Adam He said, 
 Because thou has barkened unto the voice of 
 thy wife and has eaten of the tree of which I 
 commanded thee, saying, thou shalt not eat of 
 it; cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow 
 shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; 
 in the sweat of thy face salt thou eat bread, 
 until thou return unto the ground; for out of 
 it was thou taken; for dust thou art, and unto 
 dust shall thou return. 
 
 Thus it was from the commencement of 
 
45 
 
 humanity to the present time that the destiny 
 of man has been marked out by an all-wise 
 and ever-present God. And I hope to shew 
 you upon this occasion that the impartial 
 Judge who sat upon the white throne in the 
 Garden of Eden still reigns supreme, not only 
 watching o'er the destinies of man, but of the 
 universe. And when the clock of time shall 
 run down, and the angels shall cry. Holy, holy 
 be the name of Him who slew the lamb, you 
 will still find Him there, meting out justice 
 to the fallen animal man. 
 
 From the Book of Books we learn that the 
 offspring of Adam were at enmity one with 
 the other, which culminated in the death of 
 Abel. And when the voice of his blood cried 
 from the ground the avenging angel marked 
 out Jiis future destiny, which told him that 
 when he tilled the ground it should not hence- 
 forth yield unto him her strength; and that 
 in future he should be a fugitive and vagabond 
 in the earth. And the Lord set a mark upon 
 
46 
 
 Cain, and he went out from the presence of 
 the Lord and dweU in the land of Nod, on 
 the east of Eden, where we will for a time 
 leave him with 
 
 " No one to love, none to caress, 
 Roaming alone through this world's wilder- 
 ness; 
 Sad was his heart, joy was unknown, 
 For in his sorrow he was weeping alone — 
 No gentle voice, no tender smile. 
 Made him rejoice, or his cares beguiic." 
 
 We shall for the present leave behind us the 
 generations born during the Antediluvian 
 epoch, that we may introduce you to Noah 
 and his family, whom we find upon the eve of 
 entering the ark. When the Almighty God 
 saw that the wickedness of man was great in 
 the earth. He repented that he had made the 
 animal, and said, I will destroy man whom I 
 have created from the face of the earth; both 
 man and beast and the creeping thing, and the 
 
47 
 
 fowls of the air; for it repenteth Me that I have 
 made them. 
 
 But Noah found grace in the eyes of the 
 Lord, who said unto him, Go, make thee an 
 ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make 
 in the ark, and shall pitch it within and with- 
 out with pitch, and the door of the ark shalt 
 thou set in the side thereof; with lower, 
 second, and third stories shalt thou make it. 
 
 And, behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of 
 waters upon the earth to destroy all flesh, 
 wherein is the breath of life, from under 
 Heaven; and everything that is in the earth 
 shall die. 
 
 But with thee will I establish my covenant; 
 and thou shalt come into the ark, thou, and 
 thy sons, and thy wife, and thy sons' wives 
 with thee. And of every living thing of all 
 flesh, two of every soi't shalt thou bring into 
 the ark to keep them alive with thee; they shall 
 be male and female. Of the fowls after their 
 kind, and of cattle after their kind; of every 
 
48 
 
 creeping thing- of the earth after his kind; two 
 of every sort shall come unto thee to keep them 
 alive. And thus did Noah, in accordance with 
 the command of God. 
 
 And in the six hundredth year of Noah's life, 
 in the second month, the seventeenth day of 
 the month, the same day were all the fountains 
 of the great deep broken up, and the windows 
 of Heaven were opened. And the rain was 
 upon the earth forty days and forty nights. 
 And the flood was forty days upon the earth; 
 and the waters increased, and bare up the ark, 
 and it was lifted up above the earth. And the 
 waters prevailed, and were increased greatly 
 upon the earth; and the ark went upon the 
 face of the waters. And the waters prevailed 
 exceedingly upon the earth; and all the high 
 hills, that were under the whole Heaven were 
 covered. And all flesh died that moved upon 
 the earth, both of fowl and of cattle, and of 
 beast, and of every creeping thing that creep- 
 eth upon the earth, and every man. All in 
 
49 
 
 whose nostrils was the breath of life, of all 
 that was in the dry land, died. And every 
 living substance was destroyed which was 
 upon the face of the ground, both man and 
 cattle and the creeping things and the fowl of 
 the Heaven, and they were destroyed from the 
 earth. And Noah only remained alive, and 
 they that zvere with him in the ark. And the 
 waters prevailed upon the earth a hundred 
 and fifty days. And after the end of the hun- 
 dred and fifty days the waters were abated, 
 and the ark rested in the seventh month, on 
 the seventh day of the month, upon the moun- 
 tains of Ararat. And the waters decreased 
 continually until the tenth month, on the first 
 day of the month, the tops of the mountains 
 were seen. 
 
 At the end of forty days Noah opened the 
 window of the ark, which he had made; and 
 he sent forth a raven, which went forth to and 
 fro, until the waters were dried up from off the 
 earth. He stayed yet another seven days; and 
 4 
 
50 
 
 again he sent forth the dove out of the ark, 
 and the dove came in to him in the evening, 
 and, lo ! in her mouth was an ohve leaf plucked 
 ofif; so Noah knew that the waters were abated 
 from ofif the earth, and he stayed yet another 
 seven days, and sent forth the dove, which 
 returned not again unto him any more. And 
 Noah removed the covering of the ark, and 
 looked, and, behold, the face of the ground 
 was dry. 
 
 And God spake unto Noah, saying, Go 
 forth of the ark, thou and thy wife and thy 
 sons and thy sons' wives with thee. Bring 
 forth with thee every living thing that is with 
 thee, of all flesh, both of fowl and of cattle, and 
 of every creeping thing that creepeth upon 
 the earth, that they may breed abundantly on 
 the earth and be fruitful and multiply upon the 
 earth. And Noah went forth and builded an 
 altar unto the Lord; and took of every clean 
 beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered 
 burnt offerings on the altar. And the Lord 
 
51 
 
 smelt a sweet savor, and He said in His 
 heart, I will not again curse the ground any 
 more for man's sake; for the imagination of 
 man's heart is evil from his youth; neither will 
 I again smite any more everything living, as 
 I have done. But while the earth remaineth, 
 seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and 
 winter and summer, and day and night, shall 
 not cease. 
 
 And God blessed Noah and his sons, and 
 said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply, and 
 replenish the earth, and surely your blood of 
 your lives will I require; at the hand of every 
 beast will I require it, and at the hand of man; 
 at the hand of every man's brother wHl I re- 
 quire the life of man. Whoso sheddeth man's 
 blood, by man shall his blood be shed; for in 
 the image of God made He man. And God 
 spake unto Noah, saying, that He would es- 
 tablish His covenant with him, and that all 
 flesh should not be cut off any more by the 
 waters of a flood, neither should there be any 
 
52 
 
 more a flood to destroy the earth. And God 
 said, This is the token of the Covenant which 
 I make between Me and you, and every living 
 creature that is with you, for perpetual gene- 
 rations. I do set My bow in the cloud, 
 and it shall be for a token of a covenant be- 
 tween Me and the earth; and it shall come to 
 pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that 
 the bow shall be seen in the cloud; and I will 
 remember My covenant, which is between Me 
 and you and every living creature of all flesh. 
 And Noah lived after the flood three hundred 
 and fifty years, and all the days of Noah were 
 nine hundred and fifty years; and he died, but 
 before doing so he cursed Canaan, and said 
 unto him, that he should in the future be a 
 servant of servants unto his brethren. 
 
 Thus it is, that we follow the destinies of the 
 animal from the Garden of Eden to his en- 
 trance in the ark; and from thence to the 
 death of Noah; and we still find that the im- 
 mutable decrees of an all-wise Providence not 
 
53 
 
 only follow him through life, but when he has 
 shufBed ofif this mortal coil. Yea! when the 
 silver cord is loosened and the golden bowl is 
 broken, and the shepherd's crook is laid beside 
 the sceptre, even then we will follow his im- 
 mortal soul to its final resting place, in that 
 eternal world to which we are all slowly but 
 surely drifting on. And though destiny has 
 placed him in the New Jerusalem, at the right 
 hand of God, or in the eternal depths of the 
 lower regions, where there shall be zvecping 
 and zvailing and gnashing of teeth; it is here 
 that we find the beginning of the end, of which 
 110 man knoweth. 
 
 With many thanks to you for your- marked 
 attention upon this occasion, I shall conclude 
 my remarks by saying that the subject which 
 we have so imperfectly handled to-night is of 
 such vast importance that I shall be compelled 
 to divide the same into three or four lectures, 
 all of which you may expect to be delivered in 
 this hall. And I would here remark that T 
 
54 
 
 am not doing this thing for the sake of money. 
 I make my bread by the sweat of my brow. 
 The small charge Imake is to defray my ex- 
 penses and keep out those who would create a 
 disturbance in any well-regulated family. But 
 before closing my remarks I shall leave with 
 you a subject for consideration, and I most 
 earnestly request of those young gentlemen 
 who are members of the Ash-Cake Society 
 that they make it a question for discussion at 
 one of their future meetings — "Are We 
 Descendants of Adam or of Noah? " 
 
 I claim that the Noahtic flood wound up 
 the Antediluvian epoch, and we have no right 
 to go back beyond that time for the chrono- 
 logical record of our ancestors. 
 
 On the present occasion I am here to do 
 what I can towards showing you that the 
 destiny of the animal man has been marked out 
 by an all-wise Providence, who created him 
 
55 
 
 for a purpose best known to himself. But in 
 order to more fully carry out my plans I have 
 taken you back to the day he was created in 
 the Garden of Eden (beneath the shade of an 
 olive tree), and from thence to the Noahtic 
 flood. We will continue to follow him, step 
 by step, through the Dark Ages, prior to the 
 birth of our Saviour, whom destiny caused to 
 be cradled in a horse-trough. And I would 
 here remark that it was a most fortunate thing 
 for generations then unborn that Valentine's 
 nmle was not there on that occasion; for if 
 such had have been the case the world would 
 have lost its Saviour. 
 
 We shall then continue to follow him 
 through the rise and fall of empires, where the 
 shepherd's crook was in the end laid beside the 
 sceptre. And when, in our meandering journey 
 o'er the chequered pathway of life, we finally 
 bring you to the present time. We will then 
 take a bird's-eye view of the present actors 
 upon the stage, and endeavor to show you 
 
S6 
 
 that In the great drama of life we still have 
 Shylocks, Mr. Micawbers, and Paulines, but 
 no Joan of Arcs are to be found. 
 
 I shall, for example, take the past life of him 
 who now stands before you as an orator (or 
 crank, as Gitteau would term him, were he 
 living), after which you may, or can, draw 
 your own conclusions as to the soundness of 
 the doctrine which I shall promulgate on this 
 important occasion. 
 
 In the nineteeenth place, firstly, we would 
 here remark that I am the offspring of poor, 
 but honest parents, whose bones now rest be- 
 neath the sod, whilst their immortal souls pre- 
 amhulate the streets of the New Jerusalem, 
 where, '' when the clock of time has run down, 
 the angels will continue to cry. Holy, holy, be 
 the name of Him who slew the lamb." 
 
 I have no chronological table of my illus- 
 trious ancestors, but was told by Cousin Sally 
 Dillard that we descended from Old Man 
 Noah and are distantly related to Alexander 
 
57 
 
 the Great, Napoleon Bonaparte, Queen Vic- 
 toria, George Washington, Ben Butler, Wil- 
 liam Mahone, and Bob Ingersoll. But since 
 I take the position that every tub should stand 
 upon its own bottom, I sincerely hope that 
 you all will not be so uncharitable as to hold 
 Me responsible for the spoons or tears which 
 our bleeding country has offered up in her 
 vain endeavors to satisfy these avaricious rela- 
 tives of mine, whom I sometimes wish were 
 
 in an empty dry-goods box, with two 
 
 dozen raw oysters on the half-shell. 
 
 At the age of fourteen, with what little book 
 learning I had acquired at an old-field school, 
 I went forth to battle with the world, the flesh 
 and the devil. For six long years in the town 
 of Charlottesville I managed, by strict 
 economy and close attention to business, to 
 give satisfaction to my employers and supply 
 myself honestly with the necessaries of life, in- 
 cluding a plate of raw oysters every now and 
 then — if not oftener — on special occasions. 
 
58 
 
 After this I bid farewell to home, friends, 
 and everything else then near and dear unto 
 me. During my absence of eight long check- 
 ered years I travelled pretty much over the 
 American Continent, besides Mexico, Sand- 
 wich Islands, Cuba, and the historic county 
 of Fluvanna. Being a close observer, I saw 
 much of the world, and had many hair-breadth 
 escapes, a few of which I shall allude to, in 
 order to fully satisfy you that my destiny is, 
 was and has been so plainly marked out that 
 a blind man or a mule ought to see the place 
 without the slightest difficulty. 
 
 In the first place, after sojourning a few 
 days with the President and counting over all 
 the specie in the Treasury, I find myself (like 
 a big catfish) floundering in the waters of the 
 Mississippi, where our boat had gone to the 
 bottom. How was it, that I did not, like others, 
 give up the ghost and find a watery grave? 
 It was that some guardian angel watched o'er 
 me. 
 
59 
 
 For two long and eventful years I turned 
 myself loose amongst the wild Indians of the 
 plains, and with nineteen different tribes I 
 temporarily made my home. Even there my 
 guardian angel followed me; and when at 
 night I would lay me down to rest upon the 
 cold earth with nothing but the blue canopy 
 of Heaven as a covering I was, as a general 
 thing, lulled to sleep by the howling of the 
 wolf and the unearthly cries of the hyena — that 
 were offering up their requiem o'er the dead 
 carcass of some unfortunate fellow-being. 
 How was it, that under these circumstances I 
 slept soundly, and had pleasant dreams of 
 those I left behind me? It was another in- 
 stance of destiny, in which the hand of an all- 
 wise Providence had more or less to do. 
 
 I shall, '' however," (in order to progress on 
 my journey towards the substance of our dis- 
 course), pass over five eventful years spent 
 upon the Pacific coast, during which time we 
 passed through the reien of terror in which I 
 
6o 
 
 ofttimes escaped with my life, whilst others fell 
 around me, as grass before the blade — of 
 course, you all know what the Book says about 
 these things — it is that " man ,born of woman, 
 is of but few days and full of trouble; he 
 springeth up like the hoppergrass and is cut 
 down like the sparrozv-grass.'' 
 
 At length I turned my face homeward and 
 whilst the brow of our ocean steamer was 
 ploughing her way through the waters of the 
 Pacific her main shaft was broken, and she 
 drifted into the troughs of the sea, which 
 placed us at the mercy of the waves (which at 
 the time were running mountain high). We 
 all expected momentarily to be engulfed, and 
 there and then to settle our accounts with the 
 washerwoman, which would have been the 
 inevitable result but that He who rules the 
 universe and marks out the destiny of man 
 had otherwise decreed. 
 
 Whilst crossing the Carribean Sea the 
 storm was of such violence that the breakers 
 
6i 
 
 ran over the deck of our vessel, and washed 
 overboard many of the sailors, including the 
 pet monkey, which was entrusted to my care 
 by the King of the Kanacka's as a present for 
 Cousin Sally Dillard. The loss of the monkey, 
 '' however," was but a small item, when com- 
 pared with the presentation speech I had all 
 cut and dried, which, as a matter of course, 
 was lost to the American press. We finally 
 weathered the storm, and in the course of time 
 we accomplished this voyage of five thousand 
 miles and safely reached our destination in the 
 metropoHs of these United States of America. 
 But let me here tell you of a something that 
 happened to us two weeks prior to this voyage 
 which will add another link to the chain of 
 evidence I am forging here to-night. I had 
 engaged passage on the steamer which lef* 
 two weeks previous to the one on which ] 
 came; but for reasons I deem unnecessary to 
 give, I did not ship upon that steamer, but 
 laid over in the city of San Francisco until the 
 
62 
 
 departure of the next. Had I gone, as at 
 first intended, we would have made connec- 
 tion with the steamer at Aspinwall com- 
 manded by Captain Hurndon (the father of 
 the President's deceased wife, and great-uncle 
 of Mrs. Alonza Payne), which was lost off 
 Cape Hatteras in 1800 — and fast asleep. 
 
 Do you not here see another instance 
 wherein my destiny becomes a fixed fact, 
 against which the raging billows of the briny 
 deep, the wild beast of the forest, and the 
 scalping-knife of the treacherous Indian has 
 thus far most signally failed to change the 
 decrees of an all-wise Providence? 
 
 For four long and eventful years we fought, 
 died, and bled for our country — and for Wilkes 
 BootKs foolhardy indiscretion — during which 
 time the flower of our land was swept away, 
 whilst I was left standing, like unto a weep- 
 ing willow, or any other man. 
 
 Was this not an additional instance of 
 
6,3 
 
 destiny, wherein some guardian angel watched 
 o'er me? 
 
 This, however, I consider but a small mat- 
 ter, when compared with the wonderful escape 
 we made the year following the surrender, 
 the particulars of which I shall here pro- 
 ceed to elucidate. On my return to Albemarle 
 after the surrender of Johnson's Division of 
 the army at Raleigh, N. C, I found that a 
 regular organized system of thieving was be- 
 ing carried on in my immediate neighborhood. 
 I concluded to have a little fun (which I 
 couldn't live without) by putting a stop to this 
 thing, and, with the assistance of our faithful 
 dogs, " Sir Walter Scott " and " Lord Byron," 
 and the free use of our Arkansas toothpick, we 
 succeeded beyond our expectations. 
 
 I, of course, became a thorn in the lion's foot 
 of those who were engaged in this profitable 
 occupation; and they determined right there 
 and then to get rid of me, at all hazards. 
 
 In ninetv-nine cases out of a hundred the 
 
64 
 
 deep-laid plot would have succeeded, but in 
 this instance, I yet remain a living monument, 
 in the hands of an all-wise and ever merciful 
 God, who had so ordained that my life should 
 be spared yet a little while longer. And, in 
 addition to this act of kindness, He granted 
 me the power of performing one of the most 
 wonderful miracles ever placed upon the rec- 
 ords, which I will explain to you all when I 
 shall have exposed the deep-laid plot which 
 came so near placing my bones beside those of 
 Madame Surratt, where they would now be 
 mouldering into dust had it not been that my 
 guardian angel still hovered o'er me. 
 
 But to come to the point, I will here say 
 I was charged with the murder of an un- 
 bleached gentleman of African descent, for 
 which I was arrested and tried for my life in 
 the town of Charlottesville, with the liberal 
 promise, made by your Yankee Provost-Mar- 
 shal " Joyce " that if I was acquitted by the 
 civil authorities my case would be taken in 
 
65 
 
 hand by the miUtary, and that I should have 
 the honor of being tried in the great city of 
 Washington. These things made me happy, 
 but looked somewhat gloomy to my friends, 
 whose prayers, like burning incense, were as- 
 cending for my safe delivery. But with me 
 there was not the shadow of a doubt enter- 
 tained, contrary to my abiding faith, in the 
 power of Him who rules the destiny of man 
 and caused me to believe that true innocence 
 would make false accusation blush and scandal 
 tremble at her feet. 
 
 When in charge of the Sheriff I was 
 marched into the court-house for trial. I 
 found four witnesses arrayed in their frills cr la 
 Polly Fergersons, and looking as though 
 they could swallow me whole. They were put 
 upon the stand, and, with one hand upon the 
 Holy Bible, they did swear to tell the truth, 
 the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. 
 
 One of them testified that at daybreak on 
 a certain occasion I came home with my large 
 5 
 
66 
 
 black dog, " Sir Walter Scott/' literally 
 covered with blood, and that she overheard 
 me tell my sister that I had killed the boy 
 Albert and thrown him into the river. Two 
 others said that they saw the place where I 
 had done the bloody deed, and dragged the 
 dead carcass into the Rivanna; and another 
 one swore positively that he saw^ the body 
 floating on the surface of the water, from 
 whence it was taken by him and some others, 
 and buried near the residence of Old Man 
 Tom Garland's. 
 
 The evidence, as you will at once see, was 
 sufBcient to have hung me higher than Haa- 
 man, more especially as it came from the bone 
 of contention over which so many lives had 
 been sacrificed. I had on this occasion no 
 evidence to offer in my behalf, and was 
 granted a continuance of the case, that I 
 might look around and see if there was no 
 straw left to which I might cling as the wo- 
 man did who was drowned by her cruel hus- 
 
67 
 
 band for the unpardonable offence of exclaim- 
 ing " Scissors.'' 
 
 I was fully satisfied that this dead negro of 
 mine had taken passage upon the under- 
 ground railroad, and that my only chance of 
 saving the expense of a funeral was to go for 
 him. It was an exciting chase and created a 
 greater sensation than Captain Teel's pack of 
 hounds would have done after a gyaskutus. 
 I deem it unnecessary to give you the full 
 particulars of this race for life, and would most 
 respectfully refer you to Cousin Sally Dillard, 
 who was present on the occasion, and will read 
 it off to you as though it were in a book. 
 
 When my case came up again for trial I 
 produced the negro (or his ghost) and 
 marched him into the court-house a living 
 witness in my behalf, which not only saved the 
 expense of a hempen cord and a pine cofBn, 
 but more fully demonstrated the fact that I 
 could bring a nigger to life some thirty days 
 after I had killed him, which you all know is 
 
68 
 
 more than was ever done by Christ himself. 
 For, if my memory does not fail me on this 
 important occasion, the longest case of sus- 
 pended animation recorded in the Book of 
 Books, wherein He displayed His power as a 
 resurrectionist, was only of three days' dura- 
 tion, and since I am the only one of His illus- 
 trious predecessors of the present day and 
 generation who has performed this wonderful 
 feat, I am not at all surprised to find that there 
 are some persons now living upon the Ameri- 
 can Continent who will ever consider me one 
 
 of the greatest Inmibugs of the Iron Age. 
 
 One more instance of the power and wis- 
 dom of an Almighty God and I will then con- 
 clude my remarks. I allude to the fact that 
 during my travels upon the American Conti- 
 nent (which was of eight years' duration) I 
 have mingled with every grade of society — 
 from Miss Polly Fergerson, with her frills and 
 flounces, to the untutored Indian squaw, who 
 was happy and contented, with but one rabbit 
 
69 
 
 skin as an outfit for her bridal trousseau. I 
 could have, with some fair maids of the Mon- 
 tezumas or daughters of the millionaire, 
 formed an alliance which would have placed 
 me beyond the possibility of wanting for the 
 things of this world. But what was most 
 passing strange, I departed from the general 
 rule of making money our god and selected 
 from amongst the hewers of wood and 
 drawers of water a companion for life, whose 
 name I found as pure and virgin as any bride 
 ever bore, bathed in blushes from the 
 hymeneal altar, upon which dishonor would be 
 a seal upon the tomb of Hope, by which, like 
 some lost, sorrowing angel, sad memory would 
 dwell evermore. 
 
"TO EMMA.' 
 
 Sweet girl, though seldom we have met, 
 Those meetings I shall ne'er forget; 
 I will not say I love — but still, 
 My senses struggle with the will. 
 In vain I'd drive thee from my breast, 
 But my heart is more and more repressed. 
 
 Your lovely hair, like threads of gold, 
 
 Has cast a halo around my soul, 
 
 And your sweet smiles, as bright as day, 
 
 Have chased all my gloom away. 
 
 And if I could steal from you a kiss 
 
 'Twould add a mountain to my bliss. 
 
 Maybe you have not learned to love 
 
 Or coo, just like a turtle dove; 
 
 But Cupid, with his bow and dart. 
 
 Will leave with you a bleeding heart. 
 
 And then, when no one is about. 
 
 Say, " Does your mother know you're out? " 
 [70] 
 
71 
 
 The time will come in the sweet by and bye, 
 You'll cause some broken heart to cry, 
 Cut loose from mother's apron strings 
 And fly to him on lover's wings; 
 Change your name and change your life. 
 And be to him a " darling wife.'' 
 
 I predict for you a useful life — 
 
 Let it be mother, maid or wife; 
 
 For the precepts taught you whilst at home 
 
 Will follow you where'er you roam. 
 
 And when I'm planted in the ground 
 
 You'll scatter roses all around, 
 
 And say, I once was his sweetheart. 
 But the best of friends will have to part; _ 
 And when you pass beside my grave 
 You'll shed a tear and say he gave 
 His wretched life to win your love. 
 And then was slaughtered like a dove. 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 
MARY WITHOUT A LAMB. 
 
 Our best girl has a level head, 
 And says the cranks are not all dead; 
 No matter who they say I am, 
 Dear Mary, let me be your lamb. 
 
 For now the blasts are getting cold, 
 And I myself am growing old; 
 Fearing the winds may never calm, 
 Kind Mary, let me be your lamb. 
 
 I'll follow you at any gait. 
 Rise quite early and travel late; 
 Nor will I butt your Uncle Sam, 
 Good Mary, let me be your lamb. 
 
 We'll ramble o'er the hills and dale, 
 
 And feed ourselves on mother's kale; 
 
 Then we'll come home and take a dram, 
 
 Dear Mary, may I be your lamb? 
 [72] 
 
7Z 
 
 Well, since my plea you do decline, 
 Like other sheep, their doom is mine; 
 And when you stew me in the pan. 
 Tell who it was that slezv the lamb. 
 
 Since never more your lamb will bleat, 
 Or pay the penalty of fate. 
 Go settle with the Great I Am 
 For slaying this poor little lamb. 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 
THE UNDERTAKER. 
 
 Oh, give me some sequestered spot, 
 Where Perley's hearse will find me not; 
 It totes your neighbors all around, 
 Then safely plants them in the ground." 
 
 Perley must live in a case of steel, 
 Or else, he don't know how to feel, 
 For he'll eat his 'possum all the while 
 And crack a joke to make you smile. 
 
 Oh, I am ofttimes feeling badly 
 And miss my old associates sadly, 
 But I find nowhere around, 
 For Jim has put them in the ground. 
 
 Now can't he stop awhile and think 
 
 That whilst the skull and X-bones at you wink 
 
 The time will come, in the sweet bye and bye, 
 
 That the Reaper will say, if not, why? 
 [74] 
 
75 
 
 Then we'll plant you safely in the ground, 
 
 And scatter roses all around, 
 
 Hoping that in a better land 
 
 You'll join the ranks of Gideon's band. 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 
POOR BLEEDING SPAIN. 
 
 Poor bleeding Spain, what have you done 
 With your bull-fights and other fun? 
 It seems you cry for larger game, 
 And we are giving you the same. 
 
 But I am thinking you will find 
 This fun of a different kind; 
 You will not only lose your gown, 
 But all the jewels in your crown. 
 
 And then there'll be a fallen throne. 
 O'er which your baby King will mourn; 
 And see a pole of Libertee 
 Beside the fallen Spanish tree. 
 
 With your war-ships and seamen brave 
 
 You fought us on the ocean wave; 
 
 But there was Schley, with many guns, 
 
 To wipe out all your mother's sons. 
 [76] 
 
17 
 
 You then behind your breastworks came 
 And fought 'til all your men were lame; 
 And when you built a barbed-wire fence 
 You found that Yankees had some sense. 
 
 With wire-clippers they tumbled through, 
 To show you what our men can do; 
 And I wish we all may be drot 
 If they left of you a greasy spot. 
 
 Poor, deluded fools, can't you see. 
 Or have you been stung by a bee? 
 You are fooling your time away 
 To play this game from day to day. 
 
 Go, tell the w^orld that you are done, 
 For your Blanco now cannot run; 
 And time only awaits the fall 
 Of all your strongholds, great and small. 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 Retreat, July lo, 1898. 
 
WHY I DIDN'T PATENT THE SAU- 
 SAGE-GRINDER. 
 
 How strange it is that myself and Cousin 
 Sally are always having contentions. She 
 thinks that she know^s more than I do about 
 everything, and I claim that zi'liat I do under- 
 stand I know as well as she or any other man 
 ever did. And there is one thing I can tell 
 you, and don't you forget it — that if 
 she induces me to put aside this MSS, the 
 American people will lose one of the most 
 remarkable books that was ever published. 
 
 She claims that I am traveling too slowly 
 along the pathway to wealth, and that her 
 gown will become threadbare before I am able 
 to purchase her another Polly Fergerson or 
 frill for the same, unless I put aside this his- 
 tory of events and look to the Patent Office 
 
 for help. It is true I have . in the old barn 
 [78] 
 
79 
 
 loft another model manufactured by my in- 
 ventive genius which I might bring to the 
 front if I could be convinced by her that there 
 was any money in it. 
 
 It is a pocket sans age-mill, by the use of 
 which the aged individual does away with the 
 necessity of paying for a new set of grinders. 
 It would cost me five hundred dollars to get 
 out letters patent for the invention, and, from 
 a mathematical calculation which I have made 
 of the number of persons who would probably 
 invest their money in the machine, I have 
 unanimously come to the conclusion that 
 three hundred and seventy-five dollars would 
 be just about my profits on the machines, 
 which would be sold during my life-time, and, 
 this added to the expense of procuring the 
 patent, would be eight hundred and seventy- 
 five dollars. 
 
 As a matter of course, this would interfere 
 with the livelihood of the dentists residing in 
 the State of Fluvanna, who have already of- 
 
8o 
 
 fered to raise a purse of three hundred and 
 eighty dollars if I will not give the dear people 
 the benefit of my invention, which would at 
 once bring down the price of teeth. 
 
 Now, if I accept this proposition I will make 
 by the operation three hundred and eighty 
 dollars, clear money, and if I succeed (which 
 is a matter of doubt) in untying all the red 
 tape in the Patent Office I would lose one 
 hundred and twenty-five dollars. Such being 
 the case, I feel duty bound to let Cousin Sally's 
 advice go to the devil, and continue, as at first 
 intended, to travel the rugged path of litera- 
 ture. 
 
 I shall therefore bring to the surface (as 
 promised in Preface No. i) a few more of 
 those poems which have for years been lost 
 to the natives of Fluvanna. 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 
GERMAN AT THE CLUB-HOUSE. 
 
 Cousin Sal and I once on the sly 
 Thought we would take the german in; 
 We climbed a tree outside, near by, 
 Now do you think it was a sin? 
 
 If so, you strike me with a club, 
 And then I'll wish that I w^as dead; 
 But after death there comes the rub. 
 Must I, like poor John, lose my head? 
 
 Twelve watchful chaperons, there were, 
 With many jewels in their hair; 
 And they all had on lovely clothes, 
 With all the fragrance of the rose. 
 
 In fact, I thought of new-mown hay. 
 
 When one girl came on, by the way; 
 
 But then your musk, without the rat, 
 
 Smothered out all this and that. 
 6 [8i] 
 
82 
 
 Here comes the music and the dance, 
 And all things seem to be a trance; 
 They are not led by modest Joe, 
 Because that girl trod on his toe. 
 
 But Ruffin, like a little swell, 
 
 Totes the thing along mighty well; 
 
 In fact I heard him loudly call, 
 
 Go, hang your darned hats on the wall." 
 
 And when they all went in a whirl, 
 With arms around his lovely girl, 
 The chaperons said, if you please. 
 Go in, lemons, but don't get squeezed. 
 
 I wonder who will foot the bills 
 Of all the dowdy, lace and frills 
 That were crushed against the wall 
 Whilst dancing at this Dutchman's ball? 
 
 Were present fat men, with the gout. 
 Whose mothers didn't know they were out; 
 But thought they'd slyly take a chance, 
 And try their lame foot at the dance. 
 
83 
 
 The belles were all from nineteen States, 
 And one clear girl had crossed the Straits, 
 To play the Keswick Hunting Club 
 A game of euchre or the rub. 
 
 Now, it is done; I will not tell 
 Who reigned as your lovely belle; 
 The other girls would pull my hair 
 If I would say they were not there. 
 
 You had with you Foxes, Calves and Deer, 
 And tables filled with best of cheer. 
 At which you all could take a chance, 
 And pay the fiddler when you dance. 
 
 Well, now I guess I will come down. 
 If Macon will but hold that hound; 
 For it w^ould be a cross-eyed sight 
 If me and Cousin Sal he'd bite. 
 
 When I again you come to see. 
 Must I go in or climb that tree? 
 Best hang your banner on the wall, 
 And send me a ticket to the ball 
 
84 
 
 Could dance for you the Highland fling, 
 Or almost any other thing; 
 And just before the day shall break 
 Help wind things up on cream and cake. 
 
 Yours Truly. 
 
OUR REPUBLICAN GOVERNMENT. 
 
 For more than a hundred years our country 
 has filled the astonished vision of mankind 
 with the most marvellous experiment yet at- 
 tempted in human government. Though 
 here, as in every civilized community, are met 
 all the evil tendencies of humanity which war 
 against the good, yet here, as nowhere else 
 beneath the circuit of the suns, are met the 
 supremest examples of personal and political 
 liberty, and that a sweet and tender security 
 of household peace which is equalled by noth- 
 ing on this earth and can be excelled only by 
 that which passeth understanding. 
 
 Thus through the storms and sunshine of 
 a century the experiment of our government 
 has prevailed. It is fashioned in the wisdom 
 of the fathers; it has been sealed and, we trust, 
 strengthened in the blood of her sons, and it 
 
86 
 
 has rested through the years upon the integ- 
 rity of its people and their faith in its mission 
 to keep men free. Yet the most adroit phrase- 
 monger who ever glorified its flag could 
 hardly attempt to maintain that its Constitu- 
 tion remains to-day the thing its framers made 
 it — the most exquisite structure ever con- 
 ceived in human thought or reared by human 
 endeavor. As fashioned by those immortal 
 architects it was the fairest temple ever con- 
 secrated to freedom, but by the. hand of the 
 sophist the veil of the temple has been rent in 
 twain, and by the feet of the partisan and de- 
 spoiler its holy of holies has been desecrated. 
 The framers of the Constitution not only 
 recognized as distinctly as possible that every 
 attribute of sovereignty not surrendered to 
 the Federal pact was reserved to the States 
 creating it, but they emphasized that recogni- 
 tion by allowing the Federal organization to 
 be controlled by the electoral restrictions of 
 those States, all of which were a peremptory 
 
87 
 
 denial of universal suffrage. But the most 
 precious of the rights reserved were denied 
 until with the argument of bayonet and can- 
 non their discussion was closed forever; and 
 every barrier that a marvellous prescience has 
 caused to be built around the suffrage has 
 been overthrown until the Goths and Vandals 
 are upon us; until the Selan and the Hun, with 
 anarchy in their hearts and dynamite in their 
 pockets; the Malay and the Hottentot out of 
 the blackness of heathen darkness have only 
 to abide a little while among us to become the 
 political peers of the sons of Pilgrim and of 
 Cavalier, dowered with his inestimable privi- 
 lege of the ballot. 
 
 Notwthstanding the wrenching of the gov- 
 ernment from constitutional limitation, out of 
 the necessity of circumstance and situation, it 
 has prospered, for around the young republic 
 as it rose upon its radiant way was woven 
 every advantage of earth, air and sea. The 
 primeval youth and beauty of the world was 
 
88 
 
 l^rought in contact with all the forces of an ad- 
 vanced civilization; a virgin empire stretching 
 from northern ice to tropic bloom, lay under 
 the control of a people sprung from the might- 
 iest race that has dwelt upon the planet since 
 the morning stars first sang together. What 
 wonder, then, that we have waxed mighty and 
 prevailed? Now, thoughtful students of 
 events are questioning if the day be not near 
 when our triumphal march shall cease and se- 
 rious account be rendered of the manner 
 wherewith we have used our gifts. However 
 much the fundamental code of a country may 
 be outraged, it is as yet stricken by no mortal 
 sickness if the morality of the people share not 
 in the political decline. 
 
 Bad rulers and unwise legislation may for 
 a season cripple such a people's strength, but 
 in the very speed of the people's malady, as 
 shown by the English people in every great 
 city of their history, she will wrest from their 
 
89 
 
 heart of righteousness such medicine as will 
 cure the State's most grievous wound. 
 
 And so it is not so much from the perver- 
 sion of the Constitution as from the increasing- 
 demoralization of the people that the Ameri- 
 can republic is endangered. Nor to the foster- 
 ing of all the higher elements of a nation's life 
 are the energies of our people bent. If free- 
 dom live or freedom die, '' put money in thy 
 purse," is the potent watchword of our time, 
 and the desire to accumulate vast fortunes 
 suddenly is the strongest passion that ani- 
 mates American society; while fierce competi- 
 tion and fiercer bribery are the forces that are 
 rapidly moulding our public and priv-ate rela- 
 tions. The patient toil of the olden time has 
 become unendurable — its results far too re- 
 mote. The delirium of speculation has not 
 been equalled since John Law flashed in the 
 dazzled eyes of Europe the fantastic and 
 elusive glories of the South Sea bubble. 
 
 Defalcations by men occupying positions of 
 
90 
 
 trust are so common as hardly to excite a rip- 
 ple of surprise, and only accentuate the fever- 
 ish existence of the sentiment — " whether the 
 republic stand or fall "put money in thy purse. 
 Resultant from the national disease comes 
 the chief danger which threatens, and which, 
 like a corroding- canker, is eating into the very 
 principle that subtends the theory of our na- 
 tional existence. In my judgment, every 
 other peril which confronts our government 
 pales into insignificance when compared with 
 the widespread and acknowledged use of 
 money to influence the elections, the ever-in- 
 creasing debauchment of American suffrage. 
 Not only is the use of money on the politics 
 of this country more apparent every year, but 
 equally apparent and startling is the country's 
 acquiescence in the crime; and men whose 
 pulses beat a few years ago leaped with pas- 
 sionate indignation against its mere sugges- 
 tion now witness with tolerance, if not ap- 
 proval, the freemen of America branded like 
 
91 
 
 cattle and their holiest birthright sold in the 
 open market of their shame. Political im- 
 moralities are sought to be justified by the 
 false philosophy that the devil must be fought 
 with fire. The infamous sophism that the end 
 justifies the means takes stronger hold upon 
 the public mind every year, and while a lead- 
 ing senator of the United States declares from 
 his seat that anything is justifiable in morals 
 or in law to compass the defeat of an adver- 
 sary; another no less distinguished announces 
 that the political purity in America is an " iri- 
 descent dream." The result of such theories 
 carefully distilled into the people has thus far 
 been that the laws against bribery pa'ssed in 
 the days of a tenderer public conscience have 
 become the merest blots upon the statute- 
 books, that no political party here, however 
 pure its principles, can hope for success at the 
 polls without a liberal use of what is known 
 in the slang of the lobby and caucus as the 
 sinews of war; that systematic organization 
 
92 
 
 for bribery has become so strong a factor in 
 the machinery of the parties that the raising 
 of great fortunes for purposes of corruption 
 at the polls has been rewarded by promotion 
 to the highest offices in the government; that 
 we have been compelled to coin a new word 
 for a strange growth in the country of the free, 
 and the term " boodler " now typifies a class 
 of men who make a business of obtaining po- 
 litical power only to sell it; that born leaders 
 of men are repressed to private life because 
 unable and unwilling to endure the financial 
 strain of the elections; that as the integrity 
 of the mass weakens the power of the mo- 
 nopoly strengthens, and the cruelties of asso- 
 ciated capital gall more bitterly every day 
 while the rights of the citizens, when set 
 against them, are withering away, and the 
 very life blood of the republican system is 
 ebbing away in the golden tide. All along 
 the highways of the centuries are strewn the 
 wrecks of power and principalities that per- 
 
93 
 
 ished when liberty came to be measured by 
 golden coins. Shall these examples teach 
 America nothing, or shall this people sell 
 themselves into a bondage, from which they 
 may break at last through blood and tears to 
 attempt the desperate experiment of discard- 
 ing all forms of government? Who shall say 
 that if the pollution of our politics shall con- 
 tinue until bringing to one level the briber and 
 the bribed, it has poisoned the soul of the 
 citizen and shackled his body in limitations 
 of laws that daily increase the burdens of the 
 poor, the splendors of the rich? Who shall 
 say that in the fulness of time he will not rage 
 against such a government and society until 
 a continent tremble beneath the delirium of 
 a people who take anarchy for their god and 
 their deliverers glorify the men who are upon 
 the barricades? The use of money to the 
 abasement of power was no custom of the men 
 who carried the message of the university 
 abroad in the times gone by. The old South, 
 
94 
 
 the baronial South, the South of the old plan- 
 tation, has passed away — is dead everlastingly, 
 and over her grave the tears have been wept 
 and the flowers strewn, and the sod has grown 
 green, and the story is ended on earth forever- 
 more. Doubtless she had her faults and fol- 
 lies, but thanks be to Him who, if He gave 
 not the victory, lifted her w^ith honor's star 
 undimmed upon her dying brow! No man 
 can trace with truth the custom of prostituting 
 the franchise with money to her door, for pa- 
 triotism ran like a golden thread through her 
 raiment, and love for the Constitution, to 
 which she had furnished the chief inspiration, 
 lay at the core of her heart, and when she 
 blended her crucifixion and apotheosis at Ap- 
 pomattox, if she left nothing else, she left a 
 heritage of unspotted public morality to all 
 her sons who had not died around her flag. 
 The sentiment which characterized her people, 
 the fierce chastity of honor which found its 
 greatest example in the character of Washing- 
 
95 
 
 ton and blossomed to perfect beauty in the 
 soul of Robert Edward Lee, was nurtured by, 
 if, indeed, it was not born, in the institution 
 of slavery; and though that institution is gone 
 forever, and I, for one, have no wish to recall 
 it, and, though by operation of the deadliest 
 crime in the history of the world, the manu- 
 mitted slave of yesterday is to-day the sover- 
 eign suffragist, yet must its influence, reach- 
 ing down the years and linking us as with in- 
 visible chords of love and memory to the old 
 spirit." 
 
 The recent marvellous material advance of 
 the South comprises the most glowing page 
 of our industrious story. She is leaping to the 
 front, and it is hardly exaggeration to say that 
 already the smoke of her chimneys shatter the 
 noontide suns; the flame of her forges whiten 
 the midnight skies. Within her valleys and 
 along her hillsides, and in her cities, the air is 
 choral with music of her progress. In the 
 heart of her wildernesses are magic cities 
 
springing; from the womb of her mountains 
 is being wrested the wealth that has lain sleep- 
 ing through the centuries, and in the wake of 
 the pick and the tunnelling spade rush steam 
 and electricity, the standard-bearers of the 
 mighty industrial empire that is coming on. 
 But honor and patriotism — the sworded sera- 
 phim that should guard the portals of this 
 storied land — are they not being blinded by 
 the glitter and the glow, while political bribery 
 and low methods glide through our gate, 
 bringing the blight of a deadly moral miasma 
 to dim our splendor and to wreck our hope? 
 
 The crime of enfranchisement of the negro 
 does not necessitate the use of money to pre- 
 serve the ascendancy of the Anglo-Saxon 
 race. Who shall undermine God's handiwork? 
 That raised supremacy which His hand hath 
 writ so plain, that He who runs may read, can 
 never be overthrown by any human agency. 
 It is a natural law, as fixed and immutable as 
 those by which are governed the order of the 
 
97 
 
 seasons or the process of the suns, and which 
 all the legislation that faction ever fashioned, 
 backed by every bayonet that ever gleamed 
 beneath the fiags of tyranny, can neither alter 
 nor obliterate nor control. 
 
 If through future years of feverish debauch- 
 ment of the most sacred and fundamental of 
 its principles the American republic shall con- 
 tinue to hold its place among the nations, then 
 on this western continent will have been re- 
 served all the experiences of men, all the 
 oracles of God. 
 
 There is but one way to preserve our heri- 
 tage, and that is by hedging the American 
 ballot around with such a sentiment- as shall 
 make it the one thing on the earth that not 
 even money shall have value enough to buy, 
 by keeping the crown and sceptre of the 
 noblest sovereignty given among men un- 
 spotted from the world. It may not even be 
 our generation's fate to shed its blood or 
 spend its lives on fields where '' glorious rec- 
 
98 
 
 orcls leap to light and shine in the sudden 
 making of splendid names." We may not, as 
 our fathers did, feel the leap responsive to 
 the voice of freedom through the battle cheer- 
 ing on her sons, whatever sacrifices we may 
 be called upon to make for her must doubtless 
 all be made by the waters and in the fields, 
 " thick studded with the calm, white tents of 
 peace," yet, after all, the most enduring victo- 
 ries of men — those which have been followed 
 by most blessings and benefit to humanity — 
 have neither been wrested from the pageantry 
 of war, nor won amid the declamation of pop- 
 ular senators. The shop of the mechanic, the 
 store of the merchant, the fields of the farmer, 
 simple and humble homes of the toiling mil- 
 lions — these are the bloodless fields where the 
 battle for the preservation of our system must 
 be fought; these are the legislative halls where 
 a decisive vote between the greed of gain and 
 the passion of patriotism must seal our com- 
 mon destiny; these are the unbannered Hsts 
 
99 
 
 where since time began, liberty hath made her 
 most heroic and enduring struggle, and where 
 the ceaseless warfare must go on until the 
 dawning of that day seen far off in the apoca- 
 lyptic vision, when the Lamb of God shall take 
 the sins of the world away. 
 
 " Therefore, my countrymen, if Henry 
 Grady's splendid dream be true, that on our 
 soil the hand of God hath sown the seed of 
 his millennial harvest, although our mortal 
 eyes may see not, when the seed are garnered 
 home, oh, surely those who have followed 
 these fields for his glory by setting virtue 
 higher than power and loving liberty more 
 than lust shall answer, ' Lord, hei;e am I,' 
 when the eternal muster roll is called." 
 
A PILGRIMAGE TO WINNIE'S TOMB. 
 
 A '' veteran " smiles, whilst the nation \vee[>, 
 That you are not dead, but only sleep; 
 Angels hover o'er thy tomb, I hear. 
 And sometimes bathe it with a tear . 
 
 Away from care, you've gone to rest ; 
 ^^'e know that you are more than bless'd, 
 And would not trade your streets of gold 
 For any down here, in the cold. 
 
 There was a time, we hoped you'd live. 
 Not yow' life to the '"' Lost Cause " give; 
 But human hopes are tinged with fears. 
 And ofttimes wash'd away with tears. 
 
 The world was once all light to me. 
 
 And then, sweet hope it lighter made; 
 
 In each fair form I thought to see 
 
 Beauties that would not fade, 
 [looj 
 
lOI 
 
 In each fair flower that softly bloomed 
 So lovely to the gazer's eye, 
 I little thought that they were doomed 
 To wither and to die. 
 
 As mind matnrer grew with years, 
 Experience sadly taught to me 
 That human hopes are tinged with fears- 
 Lost in Eternity. 
 
 Yours Truly 
 November 13, 1899. 
 
o. Dvn. a-iLLTj^s/di, 
 
 — ^MANUFACTURER OF THE 
 
 Jlerfet^t ^eg! Eed Spring 
 
 213 NORTH FIFTH STREET, 
 
 Cbtarlottesville, Va.. 
 
 PHONE, No. 425 
 
 For Dry Goods and Notions, 
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 If You Want to Save MONEY on 
 
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 KELLER & GEORGE, 
 
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^■^«^: J:^'""' DRUGGIST 
 
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 Everything in nwn 
 
 CHINA, GLASSWARE, 
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 ...DEPAMXMENT STORE... 
 
 <x]THE PEOPLE'S PR0YIDER8I> 
 
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DEC 19 1899