535 32 / 1 NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. i5AiinR:5 Edition' or PLAY3 The Cuckoo's Nest Price, 25 Cents B* m* Pinero's Plays Price> 50 Cents €acb TlIF A M A 7nNQ I'arce in Three Acts. Seven males, five £e- lOEi AlTlnLXiWllO males. Costumes, modern; scenery, not difficult. Plays a full evening. TUC r'ADIMCT MINICT17D Farce in Four Acts. Ten IIU vADlllJCil mllllOlEili males, nine females. Cos tnmes, modern society; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. T^ANFIV niPir Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, four fe- l/AllLrl JL/1\«IV males. Costumes, liiodern ; scenery, two inte- riors. Plays two hours and a half. TUr r* AV I nnn niirY comedy in Four Acts. Four males, InEi UAl LVilVU VcUIIiA ten females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. UIC UrtTTCI? Iltf ADriFD Comedy in Four Acts. Nine males; niO nUUOEi IIX \JRUCR. four females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. TUC UnnnV UADCI? comedy in Three Acts. Ten males, ini:i nV/DDI nVlVOEi aye females. Costumes, modern; scenery easy. Plays two hours and a half. ipic Drama in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumes, I'lild modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. I XnV UniTWTIlTlTI Play in Four Acts. Eight males, seven LAI/ 1 DUUi\lirULi females. Costumes, modern; scen- ery, four interiors, not easy. Plays a full evening. I FTTY Drama in Four Aptg a{id an Epilogue. Ten males, five UliI 1 I females. Costumes,* modern; scenery complicated. Plays a full evening. •.•*** TUI7 IWfAl^lQTP ATF Farce in Three Acts. Twelve males, lIlEt IT Iri ialO 1 1\ A I El four females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all interior. Plays two hours and a half. Sent prepaid on receipt of price by Walttx ^. pafeer & Company No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts The Cuckoo's Nest A Comedy in One Act By F. RONEY WEIR NOTICE The professional stage and moving picture rights in this play are reserved by the author, and all persons wishing to produce it publicly and for profit should apply for permission to the author in care of the publishers. Amateurs may produce it without permission. BOSTON WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 1918 The Cuckoo's Nest CAST OF CHARACTERS Mrs. Julie Price. Mr. Gately Price. Mrs. Katherine Tubb. Mr. Samuel Tubb. Mrs. HfeNRY. Mr. Henry. Copyright, 191 7, by Walter H. Baker & Co. ©CI.D 48331 NOV 14 1917 The Cuckoo's Nest SCENE. — Living-room in the Henry home. Door u. R., leading to street; door c, leading to stair hall, kitchen, etc. Screen in u. l. corner to conceal person who talks for parrot. Directly in front of screen parrot on stand, or in cage. Large easy chair c, with hack to parrot, one other large chair and four smaller chairs to he used at dining-table. Small dining-tahle r. c, window r. {At rise of curtain there is a sound of street door being unlocked. Enter Julie Price, dressed in neat but shabby black dress, wrap about shoidders, no hat. She comes down c, looking about admiringly as one in a strange house.) Parrot {behind the screen, in a loud shrill voice). I'm glad to see you ! Julie {startled, claps her palms to her cheeks, then remembers and laughs). Oh, so you are Mr. Piper, whom I am to feed? Oh, Mr. Piper, how you frightened me! {Approaches bird.) You'd Hke to "take a pick right oudt my finger," as Hilda warned, wouldn't you? Well, I sha'n't give you the chance ! Hilda instructed me to give you your crackers from the tip of the toasting- fork, and your little bucket of water from the hook end of an umbrella. {Throws wrap on chair, goes out door c, returning immediately with cracker on toasting-fork and little bucket of water on hook end of umbrella.) Don't you think it a shame, yoii' funny old fellow, that you have this lovely room to live in, while I — I live in a shack whose door opens upon an alley ! Parrot {shrilly). Don't forget your boy ! Julie {reaching cracker to bird). Don't forget my 4 THE cuckoo's nest boy? Indeed, there's no danger of me forgetting my boy! (Comes down c. with morsel of cracker still stick- ing to fork. Puts fork on table.) Poor Gately, tramp- ing this cruel city looking for work when by good rights he should be sitting at his own desk in his own law office ! (Picks up end of curtain absent-mindedly, examines it, then gases out with unhappy expression. Brightens suddenly. Raps sharply on window and beckons. Runs to door R., opens and calls.) Gately! Gately! (Exit, R. ; returns immediately with Gately Price.) Gately. What in the world are you doing here in the Henry house all alone, Julie ? Julie. Come on in, Gately! Isn't it lovely? Sit in this chair and rest a minute while I explain. (Pushes Gately into easy chair with back to parrot. Takes his hat to hall, r. ) Gately. Thanks, Julie; this is heavenly! It's the first rest I've had to-day except for five minutes while I perched on the corner of a desk trying to persuade the owner of the desk to take me on as a roustabout in a rail- road office. Julie (perching on arm of chair, smooths husband's hair) . You poor tired dear ! Well, let's play this lovely home is our own, just for a few moments, you know; just while you rest. Mr. and Mrs. Henry are in New York, and Hilda, the maid, was left in charge of the place. She was called away very suddenly to see her dying sister, and she left the house-key with me and asked me to come over once a day and feed the bird. We got acquainted at the grocer's. Gately. You and the bird? Julie. No, Hilda and I. Gately. We are coming on in the world; I have a large acquaintance among grocers who buy rubber gum- drops for the school trade, and you — you know Mrs. Henry's maid and her canary ! Julie. At least we are neighbors of the Henrys ! Gately. But the Henrys are not conscious of it. THE cuckoo's nest 5 Julie. Who cares! It sounds well in our letters home. In my last one I told Aunt Jane all about Mrs. Henry's little party gown of sea-green chiffon, em- broidered in silver, as if I had enjoyed the intimate pleasure of hooking it up in the back. Gately. You'll never make anything by lying, Julie. Keep truth on your side and save embarrassment. Julie. I didn't lie. Mrs. Henry has a sea-green party gown. I saw her wear it one day. She had a white aigrette in her hair, and tripped down the walk yonder and disappeared into a motor, and — Pff! (Julie imi- tates) she was gone, and the dust of her car wheels sifted over me as I crossed the street. She looked perfectly beautiful. And besides, what I write home to Aunt Jane goes to Katherine Sawyer's mother, and then straight on to Katherine — Mrs. Tubb ! Do you think I am going to let the wealthy Mrs. Tubb know that you couldn't make good at the law? Do you think I am going to let her feel justified in throwing you over because she was afraid you couldn't make a comfortable living for her? Gately. She was justified in throwing me over. I can't make a living at the law, I tried in Creekville and failed, and I've tried out here in the West, and failed again ! And now I've lost my job of candy salesman and I've tramped all day looking for work. Jltlie. Poor old Gately ! Gately. Understand, Julie, I'm not finding fault with Providence, for, taken by and large, I'm glad I did fail in Creekville. If I hadn't, I should have married Katherine Sawyer instead of you. It makes me shudder to think of it! Julie. Yet the day you asked me to marry you you said you had nothing to offer me save the shattered remains of a broken heart. Gately (rising with a gesture of disgust). Can't you forget my idiocy, Julie? Come, feed your canary and let's get back into our own hut ! Will there be any- thing there to eat? I'm half starved ! {Goes to table and eats remainder of cracker from end of toasting-fork.) 6 THE cuckoo's nest Julie (at window). There's a half loaf of dry bread and some cold potatoes (She stops suddenly and bows very politely to some one in the street.) A very stylishly dressed woman is bowing to me from a taxi. Thinks I am Mrs. Henry, evidently. The taxi has stopped in front; she's getting out. (With growing excitem.ent. ) She's coming up the walk. Good heavens ! it is — Katherine Tubb! (Exit, r. Shrill sounds of women greeting in the hall r. Enter Julie alone.) It's Katherine, Gately ! She's stepped to the door to call her husband from the taxi ! She thinks this is our house ! They are just passing through the city — only going to stay a few minutes. Let them keep on thinking it is our house. Oh, don't look that way, Gately, as if some one had just fired a pistol in your face! (Pushes him down into the easy chair.) Look at home ! Look happy ! Enter Katherine Tubb and Mr. Tubb. 'KATii'ERi'nY. (advancing fo Gately with outstretched hands). Oh, Gately! Gately (mm^r). Well, well, well ! (They shake hands.) Katherine. Julie, Gately, this is my husband, Mr. Tubb. (Julie and Gately shake hands with Mr. Tubb. Gately seats Mr. Tubb c, Katherine r. Julie sits l. ; Gately resumes seat with hack to parrot.) We've had a horrible time trying to find you ! Mr. Tubb. Horrible time ! Horrible time ! Katherine. We couldn't find you in the 'phone book, nor in the directory, but I remembered mamma said you lived on Summit Hill, and I said to Sammy, " Let's hire a taxi and drive round Summit Hill, and perhaps we may run across either Gately or Julie." And sure enough, there I happened to spy Julie standing in her window! (Gazes about room.) Say, but you have a swell place here, Gately! You must have done well in the West. Mr. Tube. Fine place ! Fine place ! Parrot (screaming) . Don't forget your boy ! Gately (springing to his feet). What the- THE CUCKOO S NEST 7 Julie. The bird, Gately! The parrot — Mr. Piper — he's angry because you haven't spoken to him I Gately (sinking back into his chair). Suffering Moses ! what a yell ! Mr. Tube (politely). Is that a parrot? Katherine. Oh, no, Sammy; that is a memorial tablet. Mr. Tube. I never liked 'em. Do you like 'em, ducky ? Katherine (impatiently). I don't know; I never had one. Mr. Tubb. Do you want one, dear ? Katherine. Don't be a fool ! My hat hurts my head. (Unpins it and takes it off.) Julie. Of course. Let me put it in the hall until you are ready to go. [Exit, r., with hat. Mr. Tubb. Does your head ache, ducky ? Katherine. Oh, shut up ! (Julie returns.) Mr. Tubb (to Julie as she comes in). Your husband is one of her old sweethearts, I understand? Julie (pausing to l. of Mr. Tubb and smiling down upon him). Yes, indeed! Back in old Creekville where we were all so happy and so poor. It's astonishing, isn't it, Mr. Tubb, how soon young people forget their first loves ? Katherine (gazing at Gately). They don't always forget! (Sighs heavily.) Gately, you must have a tremendous practice ! Gately (starting guiltily). Oh — er — why Julie (breaking in). Oh, Gately has too much to do. He works too hard ! (Katherine gazes about the room enviously.) ' Mr. Tubb. Come, ducky, we better be going pretty soon. Katherine. Going! Already? We've only just got here ! Our train doesn't leave until Mr. Tubb. I know, I know, ducky ; but there's that little taxi ticker pecking away at my pocketbook. THE CUCKOO S NEST Katherine. Well, what of it? We're not paupers, are we ? Mr. TuBB. Oh, no, of course — not yet; but {to Gately) we soOn would be if I let her have her way, eh? She's an expensive little baggage ! She can knock a hole in a twenty-dollar bill the quickest of any chicken I ever met ! Katherine. We'll stay an hour yet. I haven't half my visit out ! Gately. Why, certainly ! Certainly ! Stay — er — stay to dinner. {Glances in a fright at Julie zvho makes gesture of despair unseen by her guests. ) Katherine. Thank you, Gately, we will. We have plenty of time. Mr. Tube {jumping tip). If we're going to stay that long I'll dismiss the taxi Katherine. You'll do nothing of the sort! How would we get back to the station ? Mr. Tubb {attempting to chuck Katherine under the chin). Why, slide right down on the street-car, ducky. •Katherine {repelling him; he goes out r. ). I'll not go down town on the street-car ! I'll stay with Julie and Gately a month first ! (Gately and Julie exchange anxious glances. Mr. Tubb returns.) Parrot. Don't forget your boy ! (Gately starts again, hut not so violently as before.) Mr. Tubb. Makes you nervous, don't he ? Gately {rising and moving easy chair back). Yes; when a man's tired out Mr. Tube {approaching the bird). As I said before, 1 don't like 'em. He ain't ugly, is he? Gately. No, oh, no ; he'll eat from your hand. (Mr. Tube stands between bird and audience. Pokes his finger at bird as Julie speaks.) Julie {agitated). Oh, don't — don't touch him! THE CUCKOO S NEST 9 (Noise of bird snapping.) Mr. Tube (howling, jumping tip and down and clasp- ing Jiis forefinger) . He bit me ! Good Lord — he bit me ! Look at the chunk he took out o' me ! ( Glares at Gately. ) Feed from your hand, huh ? I guess so ! Julie (running to Mr. Tvbb), Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Tubb ! Oh, so sorry ! (Shows symptoms of bursting into tears. So does Mr. Tubb. Katiierine lavighs loudly.) Katherine. Serves you right, Sammy; you'd no business to stick your finger in the bird's face ! Gately. That was the trouble, Mr. Tubb; the old heathen couldn't stand your pointing your finger at him. Mr. Tubb. Didn't he ever bite you ? Gately. Never. Really. Mr. Tubb. Well, you point your finger at him and see if he don't ! Gately. I— I think I'd rather be excused. (Katiierine latighs. They gather round Mr. Tubb. Door-bell rings.) Julie (in great perturbation). Gately, can't you help him? Wash the blood away — or — or show him up- stairs ! Mr. Tube. Yes ! Yes ! Why, this is a horrible gash ! I'm liable to have birdrophobia ! (To Katherine.) Come along, ducky, and help him with the rag ! (Gately leads him toward door c. in a zvavering, uncertain manner. ) Julie (^o Katherine). Yes! Yes- — you'd better go with them. Go right up-stairs. (Fairly pushes them off c. Exeunt Gately^ Mr. Tubb, and Katherine. Julie runs to window, gases in direction of outside porch.) Who can it be? I hope it isn't Hilda come back pre- maturely to catch us in this horrible dilemma! (There is the grating of a night key in the lock of the front door. Julie staggers to middle of stage, clasping her hands to her bosom.) No, it is not Hilda. It is — the Henrys! 10 THE CUCKOO S NEST Enter Mrs. Henry in smart traveling costume, followed by Mr. Henry carrying traveling bag, wraps, etc. They gaze at Julie. The parrot breaks into chuckles, heehaws, or sailor catches. Mr. Tube's voice of distress is audible from upstairs, as is also Katherine's laughter. Mr. Henry. We seem to have guests. Parrot. You're a wise old guy ! Mr. Henry. Be still, Mr. Piper ! Mrs. Henry. Where is Hilda ? Julie (going to door c. and closing it with a tragic air, comes down c. and faces Mrs. Henry). I am the woman who lives in the alley beyond your neighbor's house over yonder. Mrs. Henry (coldly). Oh! Mr. Henry. Um-mm ! Julie. I have let pride — and — a desire for revenge get me into a dreadful position — I — I'm — glad to have this chance to — to tell you everything — and to — to (Suddenly breaks down.) Oh, I don't care what you do with me, but spare my poor husband ! He's up- stairs doing up Mr. Tubb's finger — Mr, Piper, you know Mr. Henry. Oh, yes. Julie. Those Tubb people knew us back home — back East where we came from. She — Katherine — Mrs. Tubb — was engaged to my Gately before I was. She threw him over because he didn't pass the bar examina- tion, and she was afraid that he — would always be poor. I — I — wanted to show her how mistaken she had been. Mr. Henry. I see. Mrs. Henry (relaxing a good deal). And so you murdered Hilda and stowed her body under the coal in the basement and took possession of the house? Julie. No, Hilda's sister was sick and sent for her, and Hilda asked me to take care of Mr. Piper. I wasn't obliged to stow her under the coal. Katherine and her Mr. Tubb happened to be driving by in a taxi looking for .Gately and me. Katherine caught sight of me in the .window. She took it for granted this was our house. Oh, I was tempted! Put yourself in my place! Poor THE CUCKOO S NEST II Gately out tramping this wicked city looking for work — I in a house the door of which lets on an alley! Kath- erine with her Tubb and her taxi — and only for a call, she said at first, but now she has her hat off. And Gately made a blunder and asked them to stay to dinner. (Throws herself down in a chair by the table and sobs with her face buried in her arms upon the table.) Mrs. Henry {in pantomime says to her husband). " Poor thing ! " Mr. Henry. What is your husband's business ? Julie {rising). My husband is a lawyer, but — he hasn't succeeded in getting started yet, and — he's tried candy and — and — oh, he's willing to do anything — any- thing to make an honest living. Mr. Henry. You say he is up-stairs with our — your — the guests? Julie. Yes, and if you will kindly get him down we will slip out of the back door and get away. You can explain to the Tubbs that we are house-breakers. I'd much rather they told back home that Gately and I had gone wrong than that we are starving to death in a shack with the door on the alley. Mrs. Henry {taking off coat and hat and throwing them on dining-table, comes down c. between Julie and Mr. Henry). What's your bust measure? Julie. Thirty-six. Mrs. Henry. I thought so. You must dress for dinner. Slip up-stairs, and I'll be with you in a moment. Come, Luther, we haven't a moment to lose. We must help these young people out of their difficulty. {She throws an arm, across her husband's shoulder coaxingly.) You'll make a perfectly swagger butler, Luther. {To Julie.) What sort of a man is your Gately? Will my husband's clothes fit him ? Julie. Oh, no — oh, no ; Gately's a head taller, and his shoulders Mrs. Henry. Pshaw ! What's the use of such an out-size husband ! Well, we'll do the best we can Julie. Gately has on his best suit. I think when he is rested and brushed up 12 THE CUCKOO S NEST Mrs. Henry. Of course he will. But now that we have started in to astonish the Tubbs we must finish it up to a frazzle. If you will loan me your little black dress I will borrow one of Hilda's caps and an apron, and while we dress you, Luther, must order dinner from town. Hookey's will be the best place, I think. Hurry! — I hear them coming. We'll dodge into the library until they get safely out of the way, and then we'll slip up-stairs. Julie. But — suppose Katherine should take it into her head to stay a month ? Mrs. Henry. We shall have to take chances on that. Mr. Henry. In that case you will be obliged to dis- charge your butler ! Mrs. Henry. They are coming ! (Snatches hat and coat. Mr. Henry clutches hand- bag and they scuttle out c, turning to l. Enter Gately, Katherine and Mr. Tube, c.> Mr. Tube's finger bandaged conspicuously. He holds it stiffly erect.) Mr. Tube. If I were in your place, Price, I'd get rid of that parrot ! It isn't safe to have such a thing around ! (Gately brings easy chair down 'b.. and seats Mr. Tube in it facing audience. Katherine seats herself well up L., motioning Gately to sit beside her. He sits at her l. Mr. Tube looks at watch.) What time do you dine? We must catch that overland train. (Settles into chair and almost immediately falls asleep.) Gately (uneasily). I wonder where Julie has gone! Katherine. Never mind Julie; let us talk of old times. (Mr. Tube snores.) Gately, do you know the tragedy of an empty heart? Gately. No, but I know the tragedy of an empty stomach ! What in the world has become of Julie? Katherine. Have you forgotten that last evening we spent together, away back there in those happy days? Can't you remember that walk home from choir practice ? Gately. Yes, my goodness, yes ! I remember I had " Anthems of Praise " under one arm, a bag of bananas THE CUCKOO S NEST ' I3 and the hymnal under the other. We stood there beside your mother's front steps while you gave me what I thought then was a knock-out blow. You told me your aunt, who lived in Milwaukee, thought it a shame for a pretty girl like you to marry a boob in a country town for love, when you might do better. You said she had offered to give you a shy at riches if you would go to her, and that you were going. Then I handed over the " Anthems of Praise," the hymnal, and the bananas, took my ring, and went home. Katherine. It was a terrible mistake ! Gately. No, no, Katherine ; it turned out for the best all the way round. I have Julie, and you have Mr. Tubb and wealth. Katherine. Mr. Tubb! {Disdainfully.) Gately {with a frightened glance toward the dozing Mr. Tubb). Sch-h-h-h! He'll hear you! (Mr. Tubb snores.) He is wealthy, isn't he? Katherine {in a hissing whisper). But stingy! I just have to wring the money out of him ! Gately. Hum-m-m ! He's the tub and you're the wringer ! I wonder where Julie can be ? KIA.THERINE. And, Gately, Julie was not the wife for you ! A man in your position needs a wife with some style. Gately. Oh, you're mistaken there, Katherine; Julie is just the wife for me! Dear little Julie! I couldn't live without Julie ! She hasn't a bit of what you call style, of course {Enter Julie exquisitely gowned. Gately rises in amazement.) Julie! Julie. I'm afraid you're dreadfully hungry. Mr. Tubb {wakening with a snort, draws out watch). Lord, yes! {Rises.) When do you have dinner? We must catch that train. Julie {crossing to Mr. Tubb, r. ). Some of our rooms are undergoing repairs and it has caused a little con- fusion in the culinary regions. Enter Mr. Henry as butler. Gately {rising nervously, bows politely to Mr. Henry). Ah — er — how do you do? 14 THE cuckoo's nest Mr. Henry. Shall I serve dinner here, or in the breakfast room, sir? Gately. Oh ! Ha, ha ! Yes — certainly ! I — thought you were — some one else. Serve dinner? Oh— any- where, anywhere, only — serve it soon !. Julie. You may lay the cloth here, Andrews. (Mr. Henry bows and retires.) Katherine. a butler! Julie Price, do you mean to say you keep a butlerf Julie. Just a man and one maid. Katherine. You hear, Sam? And you thought me extravagant because I insisted upon having a second girl ! Enter Mrs. Henry as maid. She and Mr. Henry move ,; table down stage a little way and proceed to serve dinner. Business of Gately being bewildered but trying to hide it from his guests. Mr. Tube seems to be fascinated by the maid. Mr. Tube {during short absence of Mr. and Mrs. Henry) . Say, Price, you have some mighty nifty people around you ! That's what I call some hired girl ! You are certainly pretty well fixed in this raw western country. Gately. Raw, but comfortable — quite comfortable — for young people just starting, you know. Enter Mr. Henry with large covered dish. Mr. Henry. Dinner is served, sir. Katherine. Before we begin dinner I wish you would 'phone for a taxi, Sam. You were in such a hurry to discharge the other one ! Mr. Tube {seating himself to r. of table and tucking his napkin over his collar). Oh, hang the taxi! Let's eat! Katherine {standing c). Where is your 'phone, Gately? I'll call a taxi myself. (Maid in doorway c. covertly signaling Butler. Mr. Tube thinks her flirting with him, wafts her a stealthy kiss. Butler goes up c. ; she gives him a card. He goes out. Maid serves Gately, who sits at table facing audience, and Mr. THE CUCKOO S NEST I5 TuBB. ) I will not go at all unless you get a taxi ! I'll stay with Gately and Julie ! (Gately and Julie convey their mutual anxiety to each other. Enter Butler with card on tray which he presents to Gately.) Gately {taking card; nervously). What's this for? (Reads card. Relieved, slips card in pocket.) What's this, Katherine, about 'phoning for a taxi ? Why not let me send you to the station in our own car? (To But- ler.) Just tell the chauffeur to bring the car round at once. (Exit Butler. Katherine sits at l. of table, Julie with back to audience.) Mr. Tube (eating). You keep a car of your own, do you, Price? What make is your machine? Katherine. Think of it, Sam ! And you argue and argue about calling a taxi ! Gately (eating ravenously) . My machine is a — er — my machine is not exactly a new one — it's a Enter Butler. Mr. Henry. The chauffeur is on the wire, sir. He wishes to know if you want the run-about or the big car — the Leaver? Mr. Tube (explosively). Huh — huhh ! Leaver? I supposed the Leaver was the very latest word in auto- mobiles ! Gately. Oh — well — yes; In a way, but I am very particular in the matter of my — er — ha ! — automobiles. (The Maid is at Mr. Tube's l. with a plate of some- thing when the door-bell rings in a loud and startling manner. She starts violently, telescoping Mr. Tube's wounded finger with the plate.) Mr. Tube. Ouch! (Gately and Jvi.i'e half rise from the table in evident alarm.) What's the matter? A fire? Exit Butler, r. Katherine (eating calmly). How nervous you are, l6 THE cuckoo's nest Gately, I don't remember that you used to be so back in Creekville. You must be working too hard. {High piping voice of messenger hoy in hall: " Tele- gram. Two hits for messenger fee.") Mr. Tube. Telegram ? By George, I wonder if that's for nie ! {Jumps up and starts for door r. with napkin swing- ing. ) Katherine {impatiently) . How could it be for you? Nobody knows where you are ! Mr. Tube {returning). That's so, ducky; you're as sharp as a little tack, ain't you ? Enter Butler looking very much worried. Gately. What was it, a telegram? Mr. Henry. Yes, sir, but not for you. The messenger seemed a little confused. It was for a Mr. Henry. {He heckons Maid, who crosses him in c. as he returns to his duties at the table. He gives her telegram unseen hy the others. Maid reads telegram and shows great agitation. Returns to tahle, slips tele- gram to ]\jLiE, standing at l. of Katherine while Julie reads. Julie on her part shovjs agitation.) Mr. Tube {looking at watch). Chuck your pudding, ducky ; we must skip if we are to catch our train ! Julie {springing up immediately) . Oh, must you go ? {Auto horn sounds without.) Mr. Henry. Car waiting, sir. Katherine {still at table). I don't care if we do lose the train ; there'll be another some time. Mr. Tube. But these tickets won't be good on any other ! Come along, I say ! (Butler runs in with Mr. Tube's hat. Katherine rises leisurely. Julie passes telegram to Gately, who, during confusion, com,es down l. and reads it on the side. Agitated. Business.) Katherine. Must we really go, Sammy? Mr. Tube. Why certainly, ducky! (Maid runs in THE CUCKOO S NEST 17 with Katherine's coat and hat.) I don't propose to present the railroad company with the price of two first- class tickets — not if I know myself ! Hurry up ! (Maid and Julie hurriedly bundle Katherine into her things. Auto horn so%inds again.) Katherine. What shall I tell Aunt Jane for you? Julie. Give her my love and — {handing Katherine her muff) and Katherine. If we're too late for the train we'll come back. Julie. Of course. {Follows guests to door r. All say " Good-bye, come again, you must come and see us," etc. All go oiit save Mr. and Mrs. Henry.) Mr. Henry {running to window r. and throwing it open). Speed her up, James! Speed her up! Must catch a train ! t Mrs. Henry {frantically, over husband's shoidder). Speed her, James ! Speed her ! {They draw in their heads as Gately and Julie reenter from, outer hall. Auto horn honks shrilly.) Mr. Henry. That will be a wild ride! {Solemnly.) Julie. Thank heaven, they're off ! That was a nar- row escape ! Mrs. Henry. Narrow indeed ! {Picks up telegram from floor at extreme l., where Gately had dropped it after reading, and reads it aloud. ) " Luther : — Your Aunt Caroline and the girls arrive at your house Tuesday about seven o'clock. Uncle Fred." Mr. Henry {constdting watch). They're due now any minute ! Mrs. Henry. It's a case of speed the parting, wel- come the coming guests ! Julie. Oh, what if the Tubbs should miss the train and come back? Gately {to Mr. Henry). You would have to send your Aunt Caroline to meet them at the door and tell them that we had moved ! 1 8 THE cuckoo's NEST Mr. Henry. They would be apt to think that wa§ sharp work in the Hne of moving. But they won't be back; they'll make that train, James recognized the anxiety in my voice, I think. Gately. They may not come back to-night, but they'll come next summer and bring all Creekville with them ! Then what's the answer ? Mr. Henry (impressively) . Why this: Before Creek- ville has time to get here you must make good ! Gately. But I am down and out! I can't get even a toehold ! Mr. Henry. Pshaw ! Brace up ! I don't know how much of a lawyer you are, but somehow I have received •the impression that you are honest ! I'm going to take you into the office. You may begin by making collections and attending to the overflow of business. Later — per- haps — but we'll let that rest for the present. Gately (clasping Mr. Henry's hand fervently). How can I thank you, sir? I've tramped all day trying to convince the public of my honesty ! I didn't go at it right, I see. The way to convince a man that you are honest is to steal his house and lot ! (Exeunt Mr. Henry and Gately with hands Mill clasped. ) Julie. There is only one way in which I can give a practical demonstration of my gratitude to you, Mrs. Henry, and that is, until Hilda returns, to be your servant, even as you have been mine! Come, let's run and change dresses and then I'll clear away. Mrs. Henry. You dear little thing! (They dance off holding hands.) Parrot (screaming). Don't forget your boy ! CURTAIN COLLEGE DAYS A College Comedy in Three Acts By George M. Rosener Ten males, four females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors and an exterior. Plays two hours. Quincy Jordan, the son of a tyrannical farmer, wins a scholarship offered by a prominent newspaper and throws off the paternal yoke. At Westward College, which he has chosen be- cause the girl he loves is there, he is at first disadvantaged by his circum- stances, but he soon makes good both with head and fists and not cnly defeats the plot for his downfall that his rivals lay for him, but comes out a victor in college, wins the girl he loves, and carries all before hi»i, A fine piece with many fine parts ; strongly recommended. Lots of come Jy. Professional rights reserved. Price, 25 cents CHARACTERS Quincy Jordan, a farmer, Quincy, Jr., his son. Squire Drake, a rich farmer, Jerome, his son. Uncle Hkz, a town character. Poor House Onnie, another, Paul Prye, the bully. Professor Rex, a teacher. Hal Dexter, a student. Harry C. Graham, a politician, Jim Brady, a reporter. Jersey, Quincy Jordan s wife. Violet, Squire Drake" s daughter. Aunt Sally, a town character. Any number of students. SYNOPSIS Act I. — Exterior of Quincy Jordan's farm, near the summer school of Westward College. Act II. — Exterior of Westward College. The home of Professor Rex. Act III. — Quincy, Jr.'s, law office out West four years later. THE COLLEGE POLITICIAN A College Farce Comedy in Three Acts By H. W. Weis and D. T. Howard Sixteen males, five females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, three inte- riors. Plays two hours. Ted Kingsley, an outsider, applies the political methods of the outside world to the problem of winning the election for football manager in his college and, after an exciting campaign in which he shows great ability in this line and sets the college on end, he wins the office and the sister of his rival at one blow. An exciting play, with tha true college atmosphere. Lots of good parts; not difficult ; well recom' mended. Price, ij cents New Plays for Girls' Schools By Elsie Fogerty and others The following adaptations from standard plays, classical and modern, have been specially arranged for amateur performance in girls' schools. The text is accompanied in all cases by all necessary plates and diagrams, and by full and minute marginal notes and instructions for production. A copious introduction gives a full description of the stage, the lighting, the costumes, properties, both stage and hand, and answers in advance all possible questions that may come up in the process of rehearsal. In all respects they are the most complete and helpful versions of plays ever offered for acting. The Alkestis of Euripides Tlie Antigone of Sophocles Adapted by Elsie Fogerty Adapted by Elsie Fogerty Nine characters and chorus. Eleven characters and chorus. Plays an hour and a half. Plays two hours. Price, 2j cents Price, zj cents Scenes Prom the Great Novelists Adapted by Elsie Fogerty Scenes from The Abbott, by Scott. "The Changing of the Keys," Seven characters — plays forty minutes. Scene from The Mill on the Floss, by George Eliot. " Mrs. Pullet's New Bonnet." Five characters — plays twenty minutes. Scene from Adam Bede, by George Eliot. " Mrs. Poyser has her Say." Five characters — plays twenty-five minutes. Scene from A Christmas Carol, by Dickens. " The Cratchits' Christmas Dinner." Eight characters — plays forty minutes. Price, 2J cents The Masque of Comus The Enterprise of the Mayflower By Milton. Adapted by Lucy Chater In Four Acts, by Amice Macdonell Nine characters and chorus. Plays For Children. Fourteen characters. forty minutes ; with music. Plays an hour an a half. Price, 2S cents Price, 2£ cents Sent post-paid by mail on receipt of price BAKER, 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Mass. THE FARMERETTE A Play in Three Acts By Evelyn Gray Whiting Seven females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, one interior. Plays two hours. Nan Wellington lluows up a good job in the city wlien her mother dies, and comes back to the old homestead to save it to the family. Her plucky figlit as a " farmerette " against inexperience, nature, and human villainy and greed provides a play of unusual interest for all girls. Recommended, Price, 2^ cents CHARACTERS Jane Wellington, sixteeii and still " unkissed." JocELYN Wellington, foicrtcen or fifteen years old, the little Bugologist Elnora Wellington, a girl of nineteen or twenty; a born home- maker. Mrs. Beckwith, a woman of sixty or seventy ; an unfriendly neigh- bor. Nan Wellington, a dainty blonde of twenty-two ; the Farmerette. MiNNETTE Wellington Lawson, older than Nan and in good contrast; an admirer of soulful eyes. Gracious Ann Bean, a stout, middle-aged colored " pusson " ; a believer in " Calicothenics." SIX TIMES NINE A Comedy in Two Acts By Gladys Ruth Bridgham Eleven females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, an interior and an ex- tenor. Plays one and a half hours. A party of American girls and their chaperon traveling abroad encounter the Princess Vara of Wollenholde in her summer home vi^ithout recognizing hei, and in her company bear themselves with credit in some warlike incidents of her reign. Very ex citing and full of charm. Well recommended. Price, 25 cents CHARACTERS Princess Vara of Wollenholde. Countess Alexis, her aunt. Countess Yvonne, her cousin. Freda, her maid. LuRiNE Raje. Mrs. Avery Hamilton Hapgood, of Concord, Mccss., U. S. A, Winifred Tufton ] Lucy Simpson I Pupils in Mrs. Hap- Molly Andrews j good' s Seminary. Amelia Lee J Delia, Mrs, Hapgood s maid. JOINT OWNERS IN SPAIN A Comedy in One Act By Alice Brown Four female characters. Costumes, modern; scenery, a single easy in- terior. Plays twenty ^inutes. A very humorous sketch of high literary quality by a well and widely known author ; an almost guaranteed success in performance. Has been produced at The Bijou Dream, Boston, and at The Little Theatre, Chicago, and can be recommended without reserve. Its story is told of three old inmates of an Old Ladies' Home, and grows out of the clash of their elderly eccentrici ties. Royalty, ^5 .00 a performance. Price, 2^ cents CHARACTERS Mrs. Mitchell, a Director ofihe Old Ladies Home, Mrs. FULLERTON 1 Miss Dyer >• Inmates of the Home. Mrs. Blair j THE CHRISTENING ROBE A Comedy in One Act By Anne L. Estabrook One male, three female characters. Scenery, an easy interior; cos- tumes, modern. Plays thirty-five minutes. A humorous and entertain- ing piece for four Irish characters in the style of the well-known plays of Lady Gregory ; a seriously intended picture of Irish character, not a travesty of it. Nora Mulvey lends the robe that her husband's sister, Sarah, has given her for her baby's christening, to Mrs. Leahy, and her husband, Barty, has pawned it for drink; upon this basis is cleverly built a little domestic comedy full of humor, pathos and character. Strongly recommended. Performance free. Price, 25 cents CHARACTERS Nora Mulvey. Mrs. Ryan, Noras mother. Patrick Mulvey, Nora's S\rakMvlvey, Patrick's sister, husband. AMERICA PASSES BY A Play in One Act By Kenneth Andrews Two male, two female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, ah easy interior. Plays thirty minutes. Originally produced by the Harvard Dramatic Club, April 12, 19 16, with success. A comedy of high class that can be strongly recommended. The story of a little love affair that flourished in the romantic atmosphere of Japan, but that^ trans- planted to prosaic Chicago, withers and dies. Good character drawing and strong dramatic interest. Royalty, ^5.00 a performance. Price, 2^ cents CHARACTERS A Young Man. His Fiancee. A Young Husband. His Wife. ' A COLLEGE MAN A Comedy in Four Acts By Earl Reed Silvers Six males, three females. Scene, an interior ; costumes, modern. Plays an hour and a half. Budd Stone, going through college on money supplied at a great sacrifice by his father, has won, in the character of a rich student, tiie regard of Zelda Saunders. When lie is asked to give back the unused balance of this fund to help his devoted father pay the mortgage on the farm, he refuses rather than lose his degree and possibly his girl. The father, attempting to recover the money despite the son's refusal, is taken for a thief, and matters thus come to a climax. All ends well. Very interesting and recommended for college performance. Frice, 2j cents CHARACTERS Bill Rendall, Sophomore, Mr. Stone, Budd's dad. Peanut Jones, Freshman. Geraldine Harris, aristocrat, Budd Stone, Junior. Zelda Saunders, the girl. Ted Willis, Setiior. Mrs. Brownley, chaperon. Professor "Johnny " Miller. SYNOPSIS Act I. A fraternity study. Early afternoon. Act II. Evening of the same day. Act III. Two-thirty the next morning. Act IV. Nine o'clock of the same morning. PATRIOTIC SCENES OLD AND NEW A Platform Entertainment By Elvie Kimball Macoy Five males, twenty-four females. Scenery, unimportant ; costumes, fancy. Plays twenty minutes at most. Introducing Columbia, Uncle Sam, Spirit of '76, Betsy Ross, Liberty, Barbara Frietchie arid other pa- triotic figures in a series of tableaux accompanied by readings in verse. Very timely and easy to produce. Price, i£ cents THE REVEL OF THE YEAR An Entertaininent in One Act By Jessie A. Kclley Twenty-two characters, more or less, male and female. Scenery un- necessary; costumes, fancy. Plays forty-five minutes. An entertainment of the twelve months intended to be used in connection with a sale 01 fair. Very picturesque and easy to get up. Price, ij cents THE CHUZ2LEWITS Or, TOM PINCH A Dramatization in Five Acts by F. E. Fowle of Charles Dickens' novel " Martin Chuzzlevvit " Fifteen males, six females. Costumes of the period ; scenery, four in teriors and one exterior. Plays a full evening. This version expands the story of Tom Pinch, already made popular in the comedy of that name, by the addition of the highly dramatic proceedings of the Chuzzjewit family, and thus provides a much stronger and more representative play. Ail the familiar characters of the novel appear and offer a great variety of exceptionally strong parts. Strongly recommended for schools. Price, 25 cents CHARACTERS Mr. Seth Pecksniff, ar^/^z/^,?/. Lewsome. Mr. Anthony Chuzzlewit. Mr. Nadgett, Mr. Jonas Chuzzlewit, his Mr. Moddle. son. Two Police Officers. Old Martin Chuzzlewit. Mary Graham. Martin Chuzzlewit, his Mercy Pecksniff. grandson. Charity Pecksniff. Tom Pinch. Sarah Gamp. Mr. Montague Tigg. Bktsy V\ug, a frierid of Sarah's. Old Chuffey. Jane, Pecksniff's servant. Bailey. Maid. Mr. Mould. SYNOPSIS Act I — Parlor at Mr. Pecksniff's. Wiltshire. Act II. — Room in house of Mr. Anthony Chuzzlewit. London. Act III. — Scejie i : Garden at Mr. Pecksniff's. Scene 2 : Room in an Inn at Holborn. Act IV. — Scene i: Apartment at Montague Tigg's. London. Scene 2 : At Anthony Chuzzlewit's — same as Act II. Act V. — The same as previous scene. ONE ON DICK A Comedy in Two Acts Bj Gladys Ruth Bridgham Six females. Costumes, modern ; sceneryj one easy interior. Plays one hour. Free of royalty. Just as the girls are trying on their costumes for amateur theatricals in the absence of their parents, who disapprove of such things. Aunt Elizabeth unexpectedly arrives on a visit, and simply has to be kept in the dark. Her confusion over the strange crowd into which she is plunged, and Evelyn's frantic search for some indiscreet letters that happen to be on the premises,, afford a very amusing and ex- citing hour. Colored ccmiedy character. Recommended. Price, 2^ cents Jl* m* Pinero's Plays Price* SO 0etit$ €acb Min THANNFI Play "» I'ovir Acts. Sir males, five females. »'»l*'"^****i'*'"" Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays two and a half hours. THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH ^,tr%Tt males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all interiors. Plays a full evening. THF PRflFIir'ATF Playin Tour Acts. Seven males, five *»*" 1 IVV/rijlUrt. 1 El females. Scenery, three interiors, rather elaborate ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. Till? Criinni MICTDFQQ Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, lXli:i OVnV/V/LilTllO 1 IVEiUiJ seven females. Costumes, mod- ern; scenery, three Interiors. Plays a full evening. THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY IJgT'^a^s.^S^^e females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. QWPFT f AVFlSinFR Comedyin Three Acts. Seven males, iJfi Ltd I Li/\ V CiIII/IjIV four females. Scene, a single interior, coistumes, modern. Plays a full evening. THF THTTlSinFRRni T comedy in Four Acts. Ten males, **lEi inUlll/£iI\.DV/Lil nine females. Scenery, three interi- ors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. THF TIMFQ Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females. lUCi lllTlEiu Scene, a single interior; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. THF WFAIfFR QFY Comedyin Three Acts. Eight males, IrlEi VY £i/\IV.EiIV DCiA. eight females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. Plays a full evening. A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE ^^etl^^j^^AlrAZ: Costumes, modern ; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening. Sent prepaid on receipt of price by Walttt Jl. pafeer & Company No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 017 401 628 Ci)e 5^1 lltam Wwcxm €Ution of ^laps A^ Vflll I IFF IT Comedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four AS IvV Lfllvlv II females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, va- ried. Plays a full evening. PA Mil IF I*rama in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Cos- VAnilL«L