F>RIOE Sa CENTS wwia THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY iii Successful Rural Plays A Strong List From Which to Select Your Next Play FARM FOLKS. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur Lewis Tubes. For five male and six female characters. Time of playing, two hours and a half. One simple exterior, two easy interior scenes. Costumes, modern. Flora Goodwin, a farmer's daughter, is engaged to Philip Burleigh, a young New Yorker, Philips mother wants him to marry a society woman, and by falsehoods makes Flora believe Philip does not love her. Dave Weston, who wants Flora himself, helps the deception by intercepting a letter from Philip to Flora. She agrees to marry Dave, but on the eve of their marriage Dave confesses, Philip learns the truth, and he and Flora are reunited. It is a simple plot, but full of speeches and situations that sway an audience alternately to tears and to laughter. HOME TIES. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur Lewis Tubes. Characters, four male, five female. Plays two hours and a half. Scene, a simple interior — same for all four acts. Costumes, modern. One of the strongest plays Mr. Tubbs has written, Martin Winn's wife left him when his daughter Ruth was a baby. Harold Vincent, the nephew and adopted son of the man who has wronged Martin, makes love to Ruth Winn. She is also loved by Len Everett, a prosperous young farmer. When Martin discovers who Harold is, he orders him to leave Ruth. Harold, who does not love sincerely, yields. Ruth dis- covers she loves Len, but thinks she has lost him also. Then he comes back, and Ruth finds her happiness. THE OLD NE^JV HAMPSHIRE HOME. A New England Drama in Three Acts, by Frank Dumont. For seven males and four females. Time, two hours and a half. Costumes, modern. A play with a strong heart interest and pathos, yet rich in humor. Easy to act and very effective. A rural drama of the "Old Homstead" and "Way Down East" type. Two ex- terior scenes, one interior, all easy to set. Full of strong sit- uations and delightfully humorous passages. The kind of a play everybody understands and likes. THE OLD DAIRY HOMESTEAD. A Rural Comedy in Three Acts, by Frank Dumont. For five males and four females. Time, two hours. Rural costumes. Scenes rural ex- terior and interior. An adventurer obtains a large sum of money from a farm house through the intimidation of the farmer's niece, whose husband he claims to be. Her escapes from the wiles of the villain and his female accomplice are both starting and novel. A WHITE MOUNTAIN BOY. A Strong Melodrama in Five Acts, by Charles Townsend. For seven males and four females, and three supers. Time, two hours and twenty minutes. One exterior, three interiors. Costumes easy. The hero, a country lad, twice saves the life of a banker's daughter, which results in their betrothal. A scoundrelly clerk has the banker in his power, but the White Mountain boy finds a way to check- mate his schemes, saves the banker, and wins the girl. THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY PHILADELPHIA The Day Express A Farce in Three Scenes By JOHN M. GILBERT Author of '* In the Air'' PHILADELPHIA THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 1922 P5S5I3 Copyright 1922 by The Penn Publishing Company The Day Express ©CI.D 600V9 FEB 24 1922 The Day Express CHARACTERS Nicholas Noall Clerk in Information Bureau Mrs Carry A. Stone a lady with much luggage Seth Greenly a farmer Mr. Earl Y. Wedd on a honeymoon Mrs. Earl Y. Wedd also on a honeymoon Miss Rose Budd a once-younger lady Stephen Stepahead a railroad conductor Willie Sweet who sells candies and magazines Waitress. Time. — One hour. STORY OF THE PLAY The action centers about a group of people— a widow, a farmer, two newlyweds, an old maid, a con- ductor and a newsboy— whose day trip on the train is followed from station to terminal. The widow snares the farmer ; the old maid catches the conductor and the newsboy becomes an adopted son. The clerk m the Information Bureau and the waitress, although only appearing in one scene, are two very important char- acters. The Day Express SCENE I THE STATION AT MORNINGTOWN (Window in rear wall, open, with sign over it, "In- formation Bureau." Nicholas Noall seen in- side window, sorting time-tables, etc. In front, on end of a bench, sits Mrs. Stone, surrounded with baggage.) Mrs. Stone {rising and lugging basket with her, goes to window). You're sure I haven't missed my train ? I don't see how it come that I've had to wait so long. Nicholas {politely). You arrived an hour too early, madam. The Day Express is due in twenty minutes. ( Whistles. ) Mrs. Stone {sets down basket, fumbles in hand-bag and produces crumpled ticket). Say, are you sure this is good yet? It's a return ticket good for six days, and I've hed it since last fall, but I've only used it one day — you see the trip was only that long. Nicholas {examines ticket). Well, madam, I hardly think you can travel on that at this late date. Mrs. Stone. You needn't trifle with me, young man. I've never expected to travel on a ticket. I al- ways take the train. Nicholas. Perhaps you'd better take this to the ticket-agent. {Points off stage to R.) Mrs. Stone. Humph ! I thought you were shut up in that window because you knew everything. Seems you don't. {Taking basket, hurries off stage.) 6 THE DAY EXPRESS (Seth Greenly enters from l. c.) Seth Greenly. This city life is too hurried for my taste! I'm all het up! {Wipes brow.) And now I don't know whether I'm on time. {Looks at sign over window.) Wall ! I allers thought a bureau was a chest of drawers I Seems I hed to come to town to find out it was a man in a winder. Somethin' like a Punch and Judy show. {Approaches window.) Say, Mr. Punch, am I in time ? Nicholas. In time for breakfast? Yes — you'll find it at the lunch counter. Seth. No sass fer me, young feller! Fm goin' home. Is the train gone? Nicholas. Some have gone and some haven't come yet. Which way are you going ? East or West ? Seth. When I was younger that ther Horace Gree- ley said ** Go West, young man ! " but bein' no longer as young as I was, I'm goin' East to-day. {While Seth and Nicholas talk, enter Mr. and Mrs. Wedd, arm in arm, with a suit-case tied with white ribbon; walk slowly back and forth, talking together in low tones.) Nicholas. The first train went east two hours ago — the last train goes east twelve hours from now — there's another one in about ten minutes. Seth. Waal, that'll suit me, I expect. Do you al- low smoking here? Nicholas. This is the ladies' room; you may smoke on the platform. {Exit Seth.) (Mr. and Mrs. Wedd approach.) Mr. Wedd. What Is the price of a chair in the drawing-room car? Nicholas. How far are you going? Mrs. Wedd {excitedly). Don't tell him, Earlie! Mr. Wedd. Why, my dear ? THE DAY EXPRESS *J Mrs. Wedd. Why, nobody must know whert; we are going on oiu" wedding trip ! Nicholas. Perhaps your ticket would help me to answer. Mrs. Wedd (seimng Wedd's hand as he starts to put it into his pocket). Don't show it to him, Earlie ! Mr. Wedd. How shall I find out the price of a chair ? Mrs. Wedd. Why, say to the man, Suppose I were going to Knightsburg, what would be the cost ? Mr. Wedd {to Nicholas). Suppose I started for Knightsburg, how much would you ask? Nicholas. One-fifty each. Do you want two? Mr. Wedd. No, one will do. Nicholas. Going alone? Mrs. Wedd. Indeed he is not! We go together, but those chairs are so roomy Mr. Wedd. And the arms are so broad. Mrs. Wedd. And we're so used to sitting in one chair Mr. Wedd. Or rather, she's so used to sitting on my lap. Mrs. Wedd. Oh ! Earlie, we've given ourselves away. He'll just know we're a bride and groom. Mr. Wedd. Well, I don't know about that. It's not so wonderful for two people to occupy one seat — it's the common way of sitting in a day coach. Mrs. Wedd. But you said something more than that. You said I had been sitting in your lap. Mr. Wedd. Pshaw — there's nothing in that! He often sat in his mother's lap, and how does he know that I'm not your father? Mrs. Wedd. Well, you scarcely look it. Didn't you tell the minister you were just twenty-two? Mr. Wedd. He doesn't know that. {To Nicholas.) Never mind, I think we'll take the coach. {Exit Mr. and Mrs. Wedd.) (Nicholas closes information windozv. Mrs. Stone returns and begins sorting and arranging luggage.) S THE DAY EXPRESS {Enter Miss Rose Budd, carrying a basket, supposed to contain a pet cat, which she puts down.) Miss Budd. Why, Mrs. Stone, are you travelling to-day ? I hope we're going on the same train ? Mrs. Stone. Well, Rosie, you don't say you're riskin' your life on the cars too ? Miss Budd. Oh, yes; I'm going to visit my sis- ter Mrs. Stone. Well, I've been visitni' mnie, and, land sakes, but I'll be glad to get this baggage at home again. And I tell you, Rosie Budd, it'll be some time before it travels again. (Counts pieces.) One-two- three- four- five-six-seven — I declare I^ can't remember whether I started with seven or eight. (Sees Miss Budd with cat basket.) Oh, there's the other. That's the basket I lost ! Miss Budd. Why, that's my dear pussy ! Mrs. Stone. I guess I know my own baskets, Miss Budd. Miss Budd. You don't seem to know it, Mr^. Stone. Mrs. Stone (going to basket and lifting it). It's certainly mine. I could tell it by the weight. Miss Budd (taking hold of the other side). It's certainly mine, and my poor pussy can prove it ! Mrs. Stone. Don't talk to me about cats — they're well enough for old maids, but it's too much to have one planted in my good basket, and I'll soon take it out. (Puts hand into basket, while Miss Budd tries to pre- vent her. Suddenly zvithdraws hand with shriek.) The beast has scratched me. Take your old basket. Mine was a new one, after all, and I guess I left it outside. (Exit hastily.) Miss Budd (speaks soothingly into basket). Poor, dear Cupid ! Darling love ! Did the cruel v/oman hurt my precious kitty ? Served her right that she was scratched, didn't it? Willie Sweet (crosses stage with basket, calling). Get your candy, oranges, apples, sandwiches before the train leaves. THE DAY EXPRESS 9 Stephen Stepahead (crosses stage, calling). Day Express' due in five minutes — all chief stations between here and Knightsburg. A^iss BuDD (looks up). Oh, horror! the informa- tion man has gone. (Running after Stephen.) Wait, wait ! Are you the conductor ? I want a com- fortable place for my dear pussy in the parlor car. Stephen (returning). I'm not the conductor, ma'am, but I can tell you they won't let a cat in the parlor car ! Miss Budd. Won't let him in? Why, he sleeps in the parlor at home. He's used to the parlor. He sits beside me on the parlor sofa every evening. Stephen. Well, it's against the rules. He ought to go in the baggage car, but I might smuggle him into the smoker ! Miss Budd. Oh, what shall I do ! He's so dainty, so refined ! He hates smoke, and he would be so un- happy without me. (Weeps.) Stephen (coming closer to her). Oh, don't take on so ! Think of the favors he's had all along, sitting beside you so much. He might be willing to let some one else have a chance sometime ! Miss Budd (drying her eyes). Oh, you dreadful man! Stephen. Let me put him in the smoker, and I'll show you to a seat in the coach where I'm calling out stations, and we'll see whether anyone else would like his job. Miss Budd. Poor pussy! How can I let you go? Willie (returns, calling). Get your candy, or- anges, apples, sandwiches and magazines before the train starts! (Holding out box.) Candy, ma'am? Stephen. Here, boy ! (Hands him a quarter and takes box; then to Miss Budd.) "Sweets to the sweet," I've always heard was the proper thing. (Hands candy to her.) Miss Budd (faking it zvith pretended reluctance). Oh, you ought not to! 10 THE DAY EXPRESS Stephen {suddenly recollects official position). Day Express for Knightsburg and intermediate points. All aboard ! {Snatches up cat-basket. Miss Budd clutches his arm and they are hurrying out, when Mrs. Stone enters hastily and breathlessly, almost running into them.) Mrs. Stone. Oh, I shall be left. {To Stephen.) Young man, be good enough to help with this baggage ! {Hastily begins to gather up seven pieces.) Stephen. Beg pardon, ma'am, my hands are full ! Mrs. Stone. Full ? Oh, that old cat ! Miss Budd. Oh ! how insulting she is ! {Exit Miss Budd and Stephen.) Willie {returns; calling as before). Get your candy, oranges, sandwiches and magazines before the train starts ! Mrs. Stone {excitedly). Boy — boy — drop them sweets and help me out ! (Mrs. Stone and Willie collect baggage and hurry from stage, as Stephen's voice is heard from the outside calling, "All aboard 1 ") SCENE II the lunch counter at eatonville {Lunch counter across stage. Waitress behind counter.) Waitress. It's nearly time for the Day Express. She's a little late to-day. The telegraph operator told me she'd be twenty minutes behind, because it took so THE DAY EXPRESS II long to get the baggage aboard at Morningtown. The operator up there's a friend of his, and tells him all sorts of things over the wire. Why, the other day he wired the longest rigmarole about a time they'd been having up there. It seems that a {Bell rings loudly.) My! how that startled me. That's the tram and it's only three minutes behind after all. (Enter with a rush Mr. and Mrs. Wedd, Seth Greenly, Mrs. Stone, Miss Budd, Stephen and Willie. All try to find seats. Mrs. Stone gets between Miss Budd and Stephen. Willie gets hetzueen Mr. and Mrs. Wedd.) Willie. My ! This is Sandwitchtown, I'd say ! Mr. Wedd. Would you mind changing seats with me ? Willie. Thanks! I'm very comfortable. Don't believe I'll trouble. Mrs. Wedd. Won't you change with me ? Willie. Well, I'd do a great deal more than that to oblige a lady, but I'm satisfied to be near this piece of pie ! Mr. Wedd {impatiently). Move, boy! Time is short! . Willie. Guess it's as long for you as it is for me ! Mrs. Wedd {impatiently). I'm very near falling off this high stool ! Mr. Wedd {hastily leaves his place and stands next her, putting his arm around her). Is that more com- fortable, darling? Mrs. Wedd. It does make me feel a little firmer, dear. Stephen {to Mrs. Stone). I'm sorry to trouble you to move, ma'am. Mrs. Stone. What's the matter? Stephen. Don't be alarmed! It was only as a matter of precaution Mrs. Stone. Precaution? What's the matter? Stephen. Never mind, ma'am, I guess it will hold you — ^but it's rather shaky. 12 THE DAY EXPRESS Mrs. Stone. Shaky! What's shaky? Stephen (to Seth). Could you hand me that water pitcher? Seth. Certainly, but I suspect this is what they call milk. (Pours out whitish fluid in glass.) Mrs. Stone. What's shaky? Stephen (to Seth). Thanks. So it's milk, is it? (Lifts glass.) Mrs. Stone (insistently nudging his arm). What's shaky? (Spills some milk.) Stephen. Well, ma'am, I didn't intend this for a milk shake, but you did, I guess. Mrs. Stone. Don't trifle with me, young man. What's shaky? Stephen. Only your stool, ma'am. I noticed it seemed to have onl}^ three legs Mrs. Stone (jumping down). Mercy! Why didn't you tell me before? I might 'a' broke my neck. Stephen (slips across to stool just vacated, bring- ing him next to Miss Budd). Take my stool, ma'am. I'll risk this one! (Turns to Miss Budd.) Mrs. Stone (examining legs of stool). Well, of all designing creatures ! There ain't a thing the matter with them legs. (Climbs on stool next to Seth.) Seth. Waiter, have you any apple pie? (Waitress sets down small piece on plate.) Mrs. Stone. Poor man ! Seth. Waiter, please pass the cheese. (Waitress does so.) Mrs. Stone. Poor man ! Seth. Did you address me, ma'am? Mrs. Stone. I was only feeling sorry for you, when I looked at that pie and cheese — and thought Seth. What was you thinking, ma'am? Mrs. Stone. Only that I wish you could taste some of my apple pie— and then you'd realize what pie is ! THE DAY EXPRESS IJ Seth. I wish I might hev the pleasure, ma'am, but travelhn' doesn't present faciUties for bakin' en root. Mrs. Stone. No; travelHn's pretty poor business, I'm thinkin', and if I once get home to-night — if once I can see the hghts of Knightsburg shining • Willie. It's the third time I've said pass the cheese. Mrs. Stone (frowning at Willie). If once more I could see the lights Willie. Fourth call, please pass the bread. Mrs. Stone. As I was saying, if once more I might see Willie. If you could see the butter, ma'am, you'd be in a way of obliging me. Mrs. Stone. If I was your ma, young man, and could see a switch, there'd be less shouting and more manners, I'm thinking. Seth. The boys of to-day have fallen off sadly, I fear. Now when I was young (Goes on in low-toned conversation with Mrs. Stone.) Mr. Wedd. My dear ! You're not going to eat any more sweets I hope! You'll surely be ill Mrs. Wedd. Why, Earlie, I want that Charlotte Russe Willie. Please pass the pickles ! Mr. Wedd. I'm sure it's wiser not to eat too many sweets while travelling. Mrs. Wedd (playfully). Oh, Earlie! It's plain to be seen you don't understand girls. Why, I just live on sweet things. (Eats Charlotte Russe.) Willie. May I say pickles again ? Seth. Did I hear someone say pickles ? Willie. You've heard someone say pickles several times, and there don't seem any more chance of getting 'em than there was before I said it. Mrs. Stone. Here's the Worcestershire sauce. Won't that do? (Willie takes sauce.) Miss Budd (to Stephen). And dear Pussy is quite comfortable, you think ? 14 THE DAY EXPRESS Stephen. Certainly. When I come through the smoker I always find him asleep. Miss Budd. I've missed him terribly, but it's been some comfort seeing you so often. Seth (to Mrs. Stone). You were speakin' of pie a while ago, ma'am. Do you bake often ? Mrs. Stone. Twice a week. Seth. Then your husband's a lucky man ! Mrs. Stone (tragically). My husband! My hus- band ! Why, he's been dead and gone for fifteen years Seth (interestedly). You don't say? Why do you bake so often? Mrs. Stone. Just to keep my hand in — in case — in case — there'd ever be someone else come along who'd care for pie ! Seth. I love pie! Mrs. Stone. Does your wife bake often? Seth. My wife! Madam, I have never seen her. Mrs. Stone. Good gracious! What's the matter with her? Seth. I mean I never married. Mrs. Stone. Well, they do say, it*s never too late to mend. Seth. Are you fond of mending? Mrs. Stone. Well, not particularly. Seth (hastily gets off stool and goes out, saying). My ! I've put my foot in it ! Mrs. Stone (excitedly). The man must be taken sick — I must look after him. (Gets down and goes out leaving basket.) Mrs. Wedd. Is it time for the train to start, Earlie? Mr. Wedd. Not yet, Birdie. Mrs. Wedd. I would so like some ice-cream. Mr. Wedd. Why, my dear, you haven't really eaten any dinner at all — only Mrs. Wedd ( play f idly tries to put her hand over his mouth). Don't say how many Charlotte Russe I've eaten — I'm sure it isn't more than three. THE DAY EXPRESS 1 5 Waitress. Five, ma'am. Mrs. Wedd. Impossible! Don't be imperti- nent. Waitress. It isn't impertinent that I am, but I'm accountable, ma'am, for the food, ma'am, and there was six Charlottes, ma'am, on that plate, and now there's only one, ma'am. Mrs. Wedd (indignantly to husband). Earlie Wedd, why don't you say something ? Why don't you defend me? Mr. Wedd. Why, I didn't count the Char- lottes. Mrs. Wedd. Why don't you say that you may have eaten two? Mr. Wedd. But Vm sure I haven't — I haven't eaten one. Mrs. Wedd. Are you sure? Couldn't you have been so absorbed in me that you ate them without thinking of them ? Mr. Wedd (slowly). No! I don't believe that was possible. Mrs. Wedd (sarcastically). I see! You might be so much absorbed in eating that you forgot me, but you couldn't be so absorbed in me that you forgot what you were eating ! How like a man ! After that, I don't even care for the ice-cream ! (Gets down and goes out much offended.) Mr. Wedd (to Waitress). Were there really six Charlottes ? Waitress. There was six, sir, and the lady eat five, sir! Mr. Wedd. Well, say no more about it. Here's the money ! (Exit hastily.) Willie (to Waitress). It's plain, the ways of love ain't smooth ! The old man put his foot in it, and the young one put his foot in it. (Points to Stephen l6 tHE DAY EXPkESS talking with Miss Budd.) 1 wonder what this one will do? Waitress. When the time comes you may do no better yourself. Some girls are mighty sensitive and some boys are mighty thoughtless. Willie. You wouldn't take offense at any little thing like that ! Waitress. Well, guess I might take offense at any little thing like you. So there ! Willie (to audience). Did I get my foot in then? Well I guess ! {Jumps down and exit.) Miss Budd. There's something fascinating about a railroad Ivmch ! Stephen. You don't seem to have eaten much. Miss Budd. Oh, I've eaten a great deal. Why, when I'm alone, you know, I just nibble a cookie. Stephen. Are you often alone? Miss Budd (pathetically). Well, you see, I'm the only one left at home now. My sisters are all married. Cupid and I keep house together. Stephen (explosively). Cupid? Miss Budd. Why, yes, Cupid! Poor dear boy! He's my greatest comfort. Stephen. So you're not really alone! Miss Budd. Well — not exactly ! But then, I'm really lonely, so it's about the same thing. Stephen. What? Doesn't the boy stay about the place? Miss Budd. The boy? What boy? Stephen. Why, the " dear boy," you spoke of. I can't believe his name is Cupid, but that's what you called him. Miss Budd. You dear man! You didn't suppose Cupid was a boy ! Why, he's only my precious cat ! Stephen. C)h ! So you're alone, except for the cat! Miss Budd. Yes, I'm alone! THE DAY EXPRESS 1 7 Stephen. I hate to think of you in that way. Miss Budd. Why do you think of nie at all ? Stephen. I can't help it ! I've been thinking of you all day, and the more I think of you the more I want to think of }ou, and the more I want you to think of me ! {Bell rings loudly; both jump from stools.) Willie (rushes across stage calling). Get your candies, oranges, sandwiches and magazines before the train starts ! Stephen. If it wasn't for that bell and that boy I'd forget my job. Miss Budd. But you wouldn't forget me, would you? (Stephen puts his arm about her as they hurry out.) Waitress (clearing up counter). There's nothing like experience in love! (Suddenly begins throming kisses toivard door and waving a napkin.) Good-bye, Willie 1 Good-bye 1 I'll look for you to-morrow ! SCENE III the terminal Evening. Railroad station at Knight sburg. A bench. (Enter Mr. and Mrs. Wedd zvith suit-case still tied with ivhite ribbon. Mrs. Wedd has smelling salts in hand. Sinks on the bench.) Mrs. Wedd. Oh ! how my head aches ! ( Uses smelling salts.) I hate travelling. Just look at my clothes ! This dust is fearful ! Mr. Wedd. Let me brush you off, darling! iS THE DAY EXPRESS (Opens suit-case and takes out wh'isk'hrpom.) Mrs. Wedd. Oh, it doesn't make much difference. Fm only an old married woman now, so no one will care! Mr. Wedd. How can you talk so ! {Brushes her shoulders carefully.) Mrs. Wedd {jerking away). Do give me that suit- case, Mr. Wedd. {He places it beside her ; she hastily begins to untie ribbon.) What fools we are to go about labelled in this way! {Flings ribbon under bench.) Mr. Wedd (soothingly continues brushing). Well, we're safely at the end of our journey and we'll soon have a good supper. Mrs. Wedd. Oh, don't talk to me about eating. I don't believe a man thinks of anything else. Mr. Wedd. Why, I'm thinking of you, every min- ute, and I thought some supper would make you feel better. Mrs. Wedd. I couldn't eat a thing! Why don't you call a cab, and get away from this old station? Mr. Wedd. I didn't want to leave you while you felt so badly, but I'll go at once. {Exit Mr. Wedd. Mrs. Wedd leans back using salts.) Willie {enters; looks ctmously at Mrs. Wedd). " Needles and pins ! Needles and pins ! When a man marries, his trouble begins ! ** This afternoon hasn't straightened out their aflfairs very much I guess ! I wonder how the others got along. (Exit,) Mrs. Wedd. Oh, that tiresome boy! (Calls.) Mr. Wedd! Mr. Wedd! EarHe! Where are you? THE DAY EXPRESS I9 (Leans back again, closing eyes.) Mr. Wedd (outsi'de). Coming, Birdie, as soon as I can get the cab ! (Enter Seth Greenly mith Mrs. Stone's baggage, which he sets down; seats himself on bench, fanning with hat.) Seth. My! that's warm work! Mrs. Wedd (eyes still closed not raising head). I'm so glad you've come, dear. I'm sorry I was so cross, but my head aches so. There isn't any one here, is there? Just let me lie on your shoulder a minute! (With eyes still closed, moves nearer Seth, who looks at her in amazement. ) Why don't you say something, Earlie dear ? Aren't you glad to have me beside you ? (Puts head on his shoidder. Seth bewildered sits stiffly. One enter from each side, Mr. Wedd and Mrs. Stone, carrying her basket.) Mr. Wedd. Thunder! Mrs. Stone. Mercy! Mrs. Wedd. Oh! Somebody's coming! (Opens eyes, and sits erect.) Seth. This is extremely awkward ! Mr. Wedd and Mrs. Stone (together). Awkward! Mrs. Wedd (rises quickly, going to Mr. Wedd, looks wildly at Seth). How did you come there? Oh, Earlie, Earlie, why did you ever leave me? (Weeps.) Mr. Wedd. How dare you, sir, take advantage of my absence to pay attention to my wife? Mrs. Stone. Perfidious man ! Seth (to Mr. Wedd). No cause for alarm, neigh- bor! Mr. Wedd. That depends upon how you look at it. Mrs. Stone. I guess I've got something to say about it, too ! 20 THE DAY EXPRESS Seth (still sitting). I ain't telling ta,les on any- body, I ain't taking advantage of anybody. I'm wiliin' to explain if you'll listen, and I'm just as willin' if you won't listen, only if you won't listen it won't do you much good, whatever I say Mrs. Wedd. Oh, let us get away from here. It's all a terrible mistake ! Come over to the corner, Earlie, and I'll tell you all I know about it! (Draws him to one side and talks in low tones, wiping her eyes.) Mrs. Stone. Seth Greenly, you follow her ex- ample and come over to the other corner, and tell me all that you know about it ! (Takes him hy buttonhole and leads him to opposite corner; they converse in low tones.) (Enter Miss Budd and Stephen, disheveled.) Miss Budd (anxiously). Here pussy! Here pussy!- Come Cupid! Stephen. I've been under the seats and over the seats, and through the cars and under the cars, and I can't find a sign of that cat ! Miss Budd. Oh, he can't be very far away. Do come out to look again. You know there's no hurry. The train doesn't go any farther! Poor dear Cupid! He must be so frightened to be away from me ! Stephen. I don't believe there's any use of look- ing any longer. Perhaps he got off the train at some station up the road. Miss Budd. Oh, why didn't I take better care of him? I'm afraid I let my thoughts wander too far from him — but I can't ever forgive myself if he's lost or hurt. Come, we must look again ! ( Exenn t hurriedly. ) Willie (enters). Well, there seems to be sm-t of an understanding between these two couples ! (Spies THE DAY EXPRESS 21 ribbon under bench, and proceeds to tie it on Mrs. Stone's basket.) Calm after the storm, I'd call it. Well, it's good to have somebody care for you ! Those other two are hunting the cat, and I'm the only lonely one left. (Mr. and Mrs. Wedd smilingly go out arm in arm.) Mrs. Stone (turns smilingly from Seth). I knew it would be all right. (Spies ribbon.) Oh, Sethy! It's a good omen ! ( To Willie. ) Did you put that on? You're a dear little boy! (Embraces him.) Seth (to Willie). Yes. You're a likely lad! Where do you live? Willie. Oh, nowhere in particular — I just board! Mrs. Stone. Ain't you got any home? Willie. No ma'am, I guess I haven't got anything you could call by that name. Mrs. Stone. Where's your father? Willie. He's dead. Seth. Where's your mother? Willie. She's dead. Seth. Got any brothers and sisters? Willie. Say, Mister, don't go on that way. It's no use reminding a fellow how lonely he is. He knows it all right, but he doesn't want to have it rubbed in too hard. Mrs. Stone. You poor, dear little soul! Do you like pie? Willie. Well, now, that's a more cheerful ques- tion. Do I Hke pie ? Well, I guess ! Mrs. Stone. Seth Greenly, the boy likes pie. I bake twice a week — and it wouldn't do for you to eat too much pastry. I do believe this boy will save your life yet. Seth. Save my life? Mrs. Stone. Certain sure! Seth. I didn't know my life was in danger. Mrs. Stone. Now you just listen. We're gouig to be married day after to-morrow, ain't we? Seth. Well, I should sav to-morrow. 22 THE DAY EXPRESS Mrs. Stone. No, you wouldn't, because it's al- ways the bride's place to set the day, and I say, the day after to-morrow. Seth. Why have you postponed it? Mrs. Stone. Because I've got to spend to-morrow sweeping the house to make it tit for a wedding — and I've got to bake, beside, or I never could get in two bakings this week. Seth. But what's that got to do with the boy sav- ing my life? Mrs. Stone. Why, he's going to do some of the pie eating. Willie. Hooray ! Seth. That's right! We'll have him up to din- ner Mrs. Stone. Up to dinner, indeed! Seth. Well, that is — that is — we'll be glad to send him a piece of pie Mrs. Stone. Send him a piece of pie ! Now you just listen to me, and perhaps you'll get something into your head. Come here, Willie. (Willie goes.) Now, Willie, I don't want you ever again to say you haven't got any home. Willie. Don't you want me to tell the truth? Mrs. Stone. From now on it won't be the truth, for you've got a home, if you want to live in it, and it's my house. So there ! Willie. Say, ma'am, you'd better quit your fool- ing — for you can't really mean that ! Mrs. Stone. But I do mean it. You've got a house, and you've got a mother — that's me — and day after to-morrow you'll have a father — and that's Mr. Greenly over there ! Willie. Hbnest? And you bake twice a week? Say, if it's true, what'll my name be? Mrs. Stone. To-day and to-morrow your name's Willie Stone, and after the wedding I s'pose it will be Willie Greenly. Seth. Well, Willie, your affairs and mine seem to be arranged pretty well, don't they? THE DAY EXPRESS 23 Willie. Well, I guess ! I started out this morning just plain Willie Sweet, without a home, or anyone belonging to me — and now I've got everything at once — that is everything except a father, and he's on the way ! Hooray ! Hooray ! (Seth, Willie and Mrs. Stone sit on bench as if talking together.) {Enter Miss Budd and Steppen.) Miss Budd. I think that boy must have frightened poor Cupid by shouting so ! Stephen. No, I think Cupid found he'd done all his duty, and so he's gone to sit on some other girl's parlor sofa. We shan't need him for company, you know. Miss Budd. But until the wedding, you know, it will be terribly lonesome for me without him. Stephen. Until the wedding? You mean until day after to-morrow? Miss Budd. Yes. . It seems a long lonely time, with Cupid gone, and without you, too. Stephen. What a change the Day Express has made for us, Rosie dear ! Miss Budd {glancing toward bench). And for some other people, too, I should say. Stephen. It's a fine train — makes few stops, and gets over the ground pretty fast. Miss Budd. Yes, it makes good time. We've had a good time, haven't we? Stephen. Yes. All except looking for Cupid. Miss Budd. I'll never forget how you looked, as you crawled out from under the car, and said, *' Can't you take me instead of the cat? " I don't believe many men liave proposed in that way, do you? Stephen. No, I don't, and I don't believe they'd want to. But it was worth crawling under the car to hear you say, " Indeed I will take you, but let's try to find tiie cat, too ! " Miss Budd. And now, the day after to-morrow we'll be ready for our wedding trip ! 24 THE DAY EXPRESS {Enter Mr. and Mrs. Wedd.) Mr. Wedd. There doesn't seem to be a single stopping place in the whole town. There's a conven- tion of barbers' clerks, and they've filled the hotel. I'm sure I don't know where we shall go. Mrs. Wedd. Even the station seems to be crowded. Mr. Wedd. Why, these are all our fellow travellers on the Day Express ! Mrs. Stone {coming forward). I've got Mr. Greenly's plans arranged, and Willie's all fixed. Let me see if I can do something for you. Miss Budd. Why, it's Mrs. Stone! Mrs. Stone. It is, and day after to-morrow I'll be Mrs. Greenly. Miss Budd. You dear old thing ! Why, day after to-morrow I'll be Mrs. Stepahead. {They embrace.) Mrs. Stone {to Mrs. Wedd). I guess you've al- ready changed your name — and being so fresh from your wedding you might give us some points on ours. Suppose you all come up to my. house. I've got room enough there, if my boy Willie don't mind sleeping in the attic for once Willie. Never mind the attic. " There's no place like home ! " Mr. and Mrs. Wedd. How can we thank you? Miss Budd. I shan't miss poor, dear Cupid, now ! Stephen. It's mighty kind of you, ma'am, and I'm sure I'll accept the invitation with thanks. Seth. It's kind, is it? Well, it's nothing more than you'd expect from a woman who'd keep on bak- ing twice a week for fifteen years so as to be ready for the man who likes pie ! Mrs. Stone. Well, well, now it's all settled just bring along your baggage. Come, Willie ! It's wel- come home to all and good-bye to the Day Express. curtain Unusually Good Entertainments Read One or More of These Before Deciding on Your Next Program GRADUATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOL. An Entertainment in Two Acts, by Ward Macauley. For six males and four females, with several minor parts. Time of playing, two hours. Modern costumes. Simple interior scenes i may be presented in a hall without scenery. The unusual com- bination of a real "entertainment," including music, recitations, etc., with an interesting love story. The graduation exercises include short speeches, recitations, songs, funny interruptions, and a comical speech by a country school trustee. EXAMINATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOL. An Entertainment in One Act, by Ward Macauley. Eight maU and six female characters, with minor parts. Plays one hour. Scene, an easy interior, or may be given without scenery. Cos- tumes, modern. Miss Marks, the teacher, refuses to marry a trustee, who threatens to discharge her. The examination in- cludes recitations and songs, and brings out many funny answers to questions. At the close Robert Coleman, an old lover, claims the teacher. Very easy and very effective. BACK TO THE COUNTRY STORE. A Rural Enter- tainment in Three Acts, by Ward Macauley. For four male and five female characters, with some supers. Time, two hours. Two scenes, both easy interiors. Can be played effectively with- out scenery. Costumes, modern. All the principal parts are sure hits. Quigley Higginbotham, known as "Quig," a clerk in a country store, aspires to be a great author or singer and decides to try his fortunes in New York, The last scene is in Quig's home. He returns a failure but is offered a partnership in the country store. He pops the question in the midst of a surprise party given in his honor. Easy to do and very funny. THE DISTRICT CONVENTION. A Farcical Sketch in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For eleven males and one female, or twelve males. Any number of other parts or super- numeraries may be added. Plays forty-five minutes. No special (scenery is required, and the costumes and properties are all easy. The play shows an uproarious political nominating con- vention. The climax comes when a woman's rights cham- pion, captures the convention. There is a great chance to bur- lesque modern politics and to work in local gags. Every part will make a hit. SI SLOCUM'S COUNTRY STORE. An Entertainment in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eleven male and five female characters with supernumeraries. Several parts maylae doubled. Plays one hour. Interior scene, or may be played without set scenery. Costumes, modern. The rehearsal for an entertain- ment in the village church gives plenty of opportunity for specialty work. A very jolly entertainment of the sort adapted to almost any place or occasion. THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY ^HILADEIJPHIA Unusually Good Entertainments Read One or More of These Before Deciding on Your Next Program A SURPRISE PARTY AT BRINKLEY'S. An En- tertainment in One Scene, by Ward Macauley. Seven male and seven female characters. Interior scene, or may be given with- out scenery. Costumes, modern. Time, one hour. By the author of the popular successes, "Graduation Day at Wood Hill School," "Back to the Country Store," etc. The villagers have planned a birthday surprise party for Mary Brinkley, recently graduated from college. They all join in jolly games, songs, conundrums, etc., and Mary becomes engaged, which surprises the surprisers. The entertainment is a sure success. JONES VS. JINKS. A Mock Trial in One Act, by Edward Mumford. Fifteen male and six female characters, with supernumeraries if desired. May be played all male. Many of the parts (members of the jury, etc.) are small. Scene, a simple interior ; may be played without scenery. Costumes, modern. Time of playing, one hour. This mock trial has many novel features, unusual characters and quick action. Nearly every character has a funny entrance and laughable lines. There are many rich parts, and fast fun throughout. THE SIGHT-SEEING CAR. A Comedy Sketch in One Act, by Ernest M. Gould. For seven males, two females, or may be all male. Parts may be doubled, with quick changes, so that four persons may play the sketch. Time, forty-five minutes. Simple street scene. Costumes, modern. The .superintendent of a sight-seeing automobile engages two men to run the machine. A Jew, a farmer, a fat lady and other humorous characters give them all kinds of trouble. This is a regular gat- ling-gun stream of rollicking repartee. THE CASE OF SMYTHE VS. SMITH. An Original Mock Trial in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eighteen males and two females, or may be all male. Plays about one hour. Scene, a county courtroom ; requires no scenery ; may be played in an ordinary hall. Costumes, modern. This entertainment is nearly perfect of its kind, and a sure success. It can be easily produced in any place or on any occasion, and provides almost any number of good parts. THE OLD MAIDS' ASSOCIATION. A Farcical Enter- tainment in One Act, by Louise Latham Wilson. For thirteen females and one male. The male part may be played by a female, and the number of characters increased to twenty or more. Time, forty minutes. The play requires neither scenery nor properties, and very little in the way of costumes. Can easily be prepared in one or two rehearsals. ^ BARGAIN DAY AT BLOOMSTEIN'S. A Farcical Entertainment in One Act, by Edward Mumford. For five males and ten females, with supers. Interior scene. Costumes, mod- ern. Time, thirty minutes. The characters and the situations which arise from their endeavors to buy and sell make rapid-fire fun from start to finish. THF J^ENN PUBLISHING COMPANY Successful Plays for All Girls In Selecting Your Next Play Do Not Overlook This List YOUNG DOCTOR DEVINE. A Farce in Two Acts, by Mrs. E. J. H. Goodfellow. One of the most popular plays for girls. For nine female characters. Time in playing, thirty minutes. Scenery, ordinary interior. Mod- ern costumes. Girls in a boarding-school, learning that a young doctor is coming to vaccinate all the pupils, eagerly con- sult each other as to the manner of fascinating the physician. When the doctor appears upon the scene the pupils discover that the physician is a female practitioner. SISTER MASONS. A Burlesque in One Act, by Frank DuMONT. For eleven females. Time, thirty minutes. Costumes, fantastic gowns, or dominoes. Scene, interior, A grand expose of Masonry. Some women profess to learn the secrets of a Masonic lodge by hearing their husbands talk in their sleep, and they institute a similar organization. A COMMANDING POSITION. A Farcical Enter- tainment, by Amelia Sanford. For seven female char- acters and ten or more other ladies and children. Time, one hour. Costumes, modern. Scenes, easy interiors and one street scene. Marian Young gets tired living with her aunt, Miss Skinflint. She decides to "attain a commanding position." Marian tries hospital nursing, college settlement work and school teaching, but decides to go back to housework. HOW A WOMAN KEEPS A SECRET. A Comedy in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For ten female characters. Time, half an hour. Scene, an easy interior. Costumes, modern. Mabel Sweetly has just become engaged to Harold, but it's "the deepest kind of a secret." Before announcing it they must win the approval of Harold's uncle, now in Europe, or lose a possible ten thousand a year. At a tea Mabel meets her dearest friend. Maude sees Mabel has a secret, she coaxes and Mabel tells her. But Maude lets out the secret in a few minutes to another friend and so the secret travels. THE OXFORD AFFAIR. A Comedy in Three Acts, by Josephine H. Cobb and Jennie E. Paine. For eight female characters. Plays one hour and three-quarters. Scenes, inter^ iors at a seaside hotel. Costumes, modern. The action of the play is located at a summer resort. Alice Graham, in order to chaperon herself, poses as a widow, and Miss Oxford first claims her as a sister-in-law, then denounces her. The onerous duties of Miss Oxford, who attempts to serve as chaperon to Miss Howe and Miss Ashton in the face of many obstacles, furnish an evening of rare enjoyment. THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY PHILADELPHIA LIBRARY OF CONGRESS The Power of H Expression and efficiency go hand 015 897 192 The power of clear and forceful expression brings conli- dence and poise at all times — in private gatherings, in public discussion, in society, in business. It is an invaluable asset to any man or woman. It can often be turned into money, but it is always a real joy^ In learning to express thought, we learn to command thought itself, and thought is power. You can have this power if you will. Whoever has the power of clear expression is always surf ®f himself. JThe power of expression leads to: The ability to think "on your feet'*' Successful public speaking Effective recitals The mastery over other minds Social prominence Business success Efficiency in any undertaking Arc these things worth while? They are all successfully taught at The National School oi Elocution and Oratory, which during many years has de- veloped this power in hundreds of men and women. A catalogue giving full information as to how any of these accomplishments may be attained will be sent free on request THE NATIONAL SCHOOL OF ELOCUTION AND ORATORY 4012 Chestnut Street Philadelphia