IPS 3507 0745 |J8 1919 Copy 1 K7 ■ A Rnral Comedy in One Act i Price 16 Gents a Copy + ♦ + ♦ + **♦+ ♦ + ♦ + *♦♦* i i"JDSTPLAIIlJONES" ♦ » + ♦ + * + *+ * + * + ♦ + *•*•* + I Published by HARRY M. DOTY, Chatham, New York. "JUST PLAIN JONES" A Rural Comedy in One Act By Harry M. Doty Author of "In Old New England", "Sackett's Corner Folks", "The Jonesville Sewing Circle", "Spriggins' Quiet (?) Afternoon," "The Jonesville Board of Assessors", "The Jonesville Grange Initiation", "The Jones- ville Experience Meeting." AMATEUR PRODUCTION FREE HARRY M. DOTY, Publisher, Chatham, N. Y. PRICE 15 CENTS. Copyright 1919 Harry M. Doty, Chatham, N. Y. ■«'t CAST OF CHARACTERS Lysander Hopkins, who has a summer home to rent. Mrs. Hopkins, his better half. Sim Smalley, Lysander's hired man. Lucinda Johnson, the dark colored kitchen help. Mrs. DeSmythe, looking for a summer home. Mr. DeSmythe, his wife's husband. Henry Jones, also looking for a summer home. Mrs. Jones, a woman of the right sort. Scene — Sitting room in Lysander Hopkins' home. ©CLD 52345 • AUG -4/919 V, " JUST PLAIN JONES " Author's Note — In some communities it may be difficult to find a young woman who will "black up" in order to play the part of Lucinda Johnson. This obstacle may be overcome by changing it to a "white face" part and having it portray the typical country hired girl. If the change is made, it will be necessary, in some of the speeches, to do away with the dialect and to make other slight variations. This suggested departure from the part as written will not be at all difficult. It may not be generally known that burnt cork is easily re- moved from the face and hands if cocoa butter, obtainable in almost any drug store, is applied before using soap and water. (Lucinda discovered sweeping and dusting. She continues work a minute or two after the curtain is raised.) Lucinda — (Stops work) Well, fer de Ian' sakes, I's a wonderin' how much longer dis yere t'ing's goin' to keep up. This is the third time dis week dat I've cleaned dis sittin' room and dei'e ain't no more need of it dan dere is of a dog's bavin' nine -tails and everybody knows it would be redick'lus fer him to have more'n one. I've swept and scrubbed and dusted untwill you couldn't find a sp6ck of dirt with one o' dem mikerscoop glasses what make t'ings look free or four t'ousand times as big as dey iv. What's come over Mis' Hopkins I dunno. Usually once a week is enough fer sweepin' and dust- in' but now she wants de hull house gone over 'bout ev'ry other day. Guess I'll have to git one o' dem mikerscoop t'ings to look at my wages with. Den mebbe I'll think I'm gittin' paid enough fer what I's a doin'. Dey is shoorely suffin' happenin' or goin' to happen dat dis yere darkey ain't been connected up wiv and I guess I'll have to do a little investiga- tin'. (Enter Sim) Sim — Say 'Cindy, where's Lysander? Lucinda — Dunno. Ain't seen nuffin' of him since he said he was goin' to town to git de mail and a plowshare. Say, Sim, they's some funny goins on here. 4 "JUST PLAIN JONES" Sim — I want to know. What be they? Lucinda — They's r, reg'ler eperdemic of sweepin' and scrubbin' and nioppin' and dustin' and cleanin' and I's de one what's got it all to do. Sim — No, by thunder, you ain't. Lysander's had me sweepin' out the barn, pickin' up all the harness and other things and hangin' 'em on pegs, pickin' up every stray board and stick and puttin' 'em on the woodpile, choppin' up old barrels and boxes and doin' more slickin' up than I've done in all the rest of the tinx.' I've been here but I 'spose it's neces- sary if they do what they're talkin' about. Lucinda — What you all mean? Sim — Mean! Why. ain't you heard? Lucinda — Ain't heard nuffin'. 'Spose I^d be askin' you if I had? Sim — I dunno. Wimmen's likely to do most anything. Lucinda — Am dat SO? Well, I know some considerable white trash that won't do nuffin' if dey can help it. Sim — Who do you mean, me? Lucinda — I ain't sayin' who I mean but if de vest fits you, I ain't goin' to do nuffin' to stop; your puttin' it on. But never mind dat; what's dis dey all's goin' to do? Sim — Lysander anci Mis' Hopkins is a tryin' to rent this here house, and all the things in it, to some city folks to live in this summer. Lucinda — What's dat you're a sayin', white man? Rent dis yere house and all de t'ings in it! Sim — Yessir, that's, perzactly what I mean. Lysander told me so. Lucinda — Guess I'll have suffin' to say 'bout dat. Sim — You ! Lucinda — You heard me straight, man. Sim — What hev you got to do with it? Lucinda — Ain't I part of de furniture? Sim — You a part of the furniture? Well, yes, I guess you be, come to think of it, the black walnut part or the mahog- any part. Lucinda — It don't make no sort of difference what colored part of it I be. Anyhow I ain't no antique part like you is and I'll give 'em fair warnin' dat I ain't goin' to be rented to no- "JUST PLAIN JONES" 5 body like I was a table or a stove or a wash tub or suffin'. If dey rent dis yere hoi^se, where is dey goin' to live, in a tent? None o' dat fer me. T'ink I'm goin' to sleep in a tent and have a bear or a lion or a tiger or suffin' come along and eat me up while I'm asleep? I guess not. Sim — No danger of that. You're too tough but don't hol- ler afore you're hurt. They ain't goin' to live in no tent or no barn. Eph. Pettigrew's got a job over to Kent Hollow and is goin' to move ouo of the tenant house next week so Lysan- der 'n Mis' Hopkins is a goin' to take them old beds and other things that's up in the garret, move 'em to that house and take just enough cookin' things from here to git along with. Lucinda — White man, you ain't lyin' to me is you? Sim — Lyin' to you! Course I ain't. Mis' Hopkin's sister over in Taconic rented her house all furnished for thi'ee months last summer and got fifty dollars a month fer it. That's what give her and Lysander the idee. They've advertised in some city paper and are lookin' fer answers any day. That's prob'ly what Lysander went to the postoffice fer. Lucinda — Well, if that ain't the beatinest thing I* ever heard of. Lysander — (Heard outside) Whoa, there! Sim, where be ye? Come and take care of this here trotter. Sim — Hello! Lysander's back. Trotter, eh? Might drive him four miles an hour if the gad held out. (Exit Sim) (Enter Lysander) Lysander — Hello. 'Cindy, still cleanin'? Lucinda — Yes, I's cleanin' but I ain't still. I ain't seen no time to be that lately. Lysander — Wheie's Betsey? Lucinda — Dunno, out in the kitchen, I guess. Lysander — Suppose you trot out and hunt 'er up and ask her to come in here. t Lucinda — Can't do it, Massa Hopkins. Lysander— Can t do what. Lucinda — Trot. Lysander — Oh, j'Ou can't, eh. Why not? Lucinda — Cause I's a j)acer. (Exits laughing) Lysander — I dunno whether I'm tickled or not over this idee of rentin' the house fer the summer. Betsey 'n me have lived here too many years to make any other spot seem like home. Howsumever she seems to have her heart set on it and 6 "JUST PLAIN JONES" I guess I kin stand ix fer two or three months if she can. (Enter Mrs. Hopkins) Lysander — (Takes letters from pocket) Here's a couple of letters with New York postmarks on 'em. Guess they must be from somebody thut wants to rent the house. (Hands letters to Mrs. Hopkins who opens them with a hairpin. She hands one to Lysander. Mrs. H. reads silently.) Mrs. H. — Here'i one from Mrs. DeCourtney Frelinghuysen DeSmythe who says she thinks from our description that the place will suit her and that she will be here the fifteenth to see it and that she will bring her husband with her. (Looks at calendar on wall.) Whj', that's today. She says she wishes we would send our car to the station to meet her. Lysander — Our wlrat? Mrs. H. — Our car, automobile, I suppose. Lysander — Automobile, eh. Well, that's perty good. Bein' we ain't got none, guess I'll tell Sim to take the wheel- barrow and go after her. No, that wouldn't do, nuther. Never could git her and that there name of her'n all in one wheel- barrow. Let's see, what's that name agin'? Mrs. H. — Mrs. DeCourtney Freelinghuysen DeSmythe. Lysander — Gosh ! Comes by the yard, don't it? Bet a quarter that when chat there man of hers was a boy he was plain Cort. Smith. Mrs. H. — Now let's see what that letter of your'n says. Lysander — That's SO, I have got a letter, ain't I? Tryin' to swaller that name kinder knocked everything else out of my head. (Looks at letter) This letter is from Henry Jones, not DeJones or McJones or anything else, just plain Jones. That's suthin' like it. There's a name you can take in all to once without bein' afraid of gittin' an attack of mental indigestion. (Rlads letter, then koks at calendar) By Crickety, he's comin' today, too, and is goin' to bring his wife with him. He don't ask nobody to cart him up here from the deepo. Well, that woman with the name'll have to figger out some way of gittin' herself and her man here, too. (Enter Lucinda, hurriedly) Lucinda — (Excitedly) For de Ian' sakes. Mis' Hopkins, dey's a man and a woman out here in de yard what was just brung here in dat automobile livery stable of Sam Peterses. When she talks to you, she looks at you through a pair of specs that's fast on a stick. She wanted to know if dis is de Lysander Hopkins estste and I dun tole her no and she said "JUST PLAIN JONES" 7 dat pusson what driv de automobile tole her dis is where Mr. Hopkins lives and I tolc her dat is so but it hain't his estate becuz he ain't dead >et.. What shall I do with 'em? Shall I repose 'em on de front stoop or shall I shoo 'em in here. Mrs. H. — Show them, Lucinda, not shoo. Lucinda — Show 'fjm! Show 'em! By de looks of dat woman I guess she thinks date hain't nobody what can show her nuffiin'. (Exit Lucinda) Lysander — She niust be the woman with the name that strings out like one of them there continued stories. From her letter and 'Cindy's description, I guess we're in fer an interestin' session. Mrs. H. — I guess we'll live through it. We've seen her kind before. Lysander — Don't be too sure, Betsey. Mebbe she's suthin' new. Lucinda — (Heard outside) Right dis way, white folks. Massa Hopkins and de Missis is in de sittin' room and dey dun tole me to bring you right in. (Enter Mrs. DeSmythe, followed, timidly, by Mr. De- Smythe. Mrs. DeSmythe is elaborately dressed and carries a lorgnon or double eyeglass fitted to a handle. She entei's in a very dignified manner, bows stiffly through the lorgnon to Mr. and Mrs. Hopkins and critically surveys everything in the room before speaking. In her speech and action she is con- descending and thus ei.deavors to convey the impression that she is a very important and superior personage. Mr. De- Smythe's speech and action portray him as a henpecked husband, one of the kind who "don't dare say his soul is his own." To obtain thi best results, these two characters should act their parts as nearly as possible in accordance with the above outline.) Mrs. DeSmythe — (To Lysander) You are the owner of this property, I infer. Lysander — Yessum, we be. Mrs. DeS. — Do yob make a practice of permitting your colored servants to usher visitors into your home in the rude manner just employed by this person? (Pointing to Lucinda) Lysander — I wan't payin' partickler attention but I didn't see nothin' so terribly out of the way. If there was, I guess you'll hev to excuse her. You see she ain't had much practice along that line becuz most folks that come to see us usher theirselves in. 8 "JUST PLAIN JONES" Mrs. DeS. — Have tc excuse her! Did you say "Have to!"? Lysander — You heard me right, fust try. Mrs. DeS. — Permit me to inform you that I do not have to do anything I do not wish to do. (Turning to DeS.) Do I, DeCourtney? DeS. — ^,( Timidly) No, no, dear, of 'course you don't. (During the conversation Lucinda is an interested listen- er and mimics Mrs. DeS's use of the lorgnon by looking through the "O" formed by placing the tips of her thumb and fore- finger together). Mrs. DeS. — Now I think you thoroughly understand me. We are in search of a temporary country home and came in answer to your advertisement but from the fact that you ignored my request xc. meet us at the station and are so com- pletely isolated hero; our impression thus far is not very favorable, is it, DeCivrtney? DeS. — Yes, yes, Isabella. Mrs. DeS. — What! DeS. — I mean no, Isabella. No is what I meant. Mrs. H. — We rather supposed bein' by themselves is what city folks want when they come to the country. Mrs. DeS. — To u certain extent that is true but there are limits, (to DeS.) Arn't there, DeCourtney? DeS. — Yes, yes, Isabella, of course there is. Mrs. DeS. — Oh, DeCourtney, I do wish you would endea- vor to speak more correctly. Don't say is, say are. Of course it doesn't matter among these uncouth persons but what I fear is that if you permit yourself to form the habit you will em- barrass me among those of our own social standing. DeS. — Yes, Isabella, are is what I meant. Mrs. DeS. — ^Now, DeCourtney, I will proceed to business with these — er, persoji^\ Lucinda — (Aside) I kin see with a glass eye dat he don't have no finger in an; business she's got anything to do wid. Ain't she de limit though? Mrs. DeS. — (To Mrs. H.) How many rooms have you? Mrs. H. — Kitchen, sittin' room, dinin' room and parlor downstairs and five bedrooms up stairs. Mrs. DeS. — You have a bawth, I presume. Lysander — Have a what? "JUST PLAIN JONES" 9 Mrs. H, — (Aside to Lysander) She means a bath. Lucinda (Aside) Oh, fer de Lawdy sakes. Lysander — A bath, oh yes, sure we do, every Saturday night. Mrs. DeS. — I arn not referring to your personal habits of cleanliness, I am endeavoring to ascertain whether your conveniences include a bathroom. Lysander — Yessum. the kitchen. Mrs. DeS. — Oh, horrors! DeCourtney, just think of that. DeS. — Yes, dear, I'm thinking. Lucinda — (Aside) Thinkin' is all he dares to do. Mrs. DeS. — Do you mean to say you have no separate bawth room with tub and other equipment? Mrs. H. — Mrs. DeSmythe, most country folks don't have those conveniences m farm homes, therefore a washtub in the kitchen in sometimes made to answer the purpose. Mrs. DeS. — We never could endure such- inconveniences, could we DeCourtney? DeS. — Yes, dear, of course. Mrs. DeS. — Why, DeCourtney! DeS. — I mean no, of course we couldn't. Mrs. DeS. — That's better. (To Mrs. H.) You see, Mrs. Hopkins, we are both of one mind. Lucinda — (Aside) Huh! If it's only one mind they're both of, it's hers. I ain't got no sorter use fer dat woman. Lysander — Well, if that's the case I guess there ain't no sort of use of us tryin' to make a dicker. (Aside) Anyhow I hope there ain't. Mrs. DeS. — I am almost inclined to agree with you but inasmuch as we are here we might as well go over the situa- tion thoroughly. You have a garage, I presume? Lysander — A what? Mrs. H. — (To Lysander) A place for an automobile. Lysander — Not unless you could run it under the shed or in the wagon house. DeS. — The wagon house would do, Isabella. Mrs. DeS. — Do be quiet, DeCourtney. The idea of keep- ing our limousine in an ordinary barn! It is preposterous. DeS. — Yes, yes, Isabella, of course it is. 10 "JUST PLAIN JONES" Mrs. DeS. — You could, provide us with a servant or two, I presume. Mrs. H. — I fear not. We've only got one hired man and Lucinda here helps me in the house. We could hardly spare either of them. Lucinda — (Aside) I guess not. I's one of the conveniences she talks about dat can't be rented by her. Mrs. DeS. — Oh, dear, isn't it just maddening? DeS. — Yes, dear. Mrs. DeS. — And I presume there are mosquitos and flies here. Lysander — Moskeeters and flies! Why, say, there's months at a time when we don't even see one. Mrs. H. — Why, pa you — Lysander — (Interrupting) (Aside) S-h-h-h. That's all right. I meant last winter. Sim— (Heard outside) Lysander, where be you? Mrs. DeS. — What perfectly horrid grammar. Of all the bucolic places I ever saw, this is the worst. (Enter Sim) Sim — (Discovers visitors) Oh, 'scuse me; I didn't know you had company. Say Lysander, which one of them hogs do you want put in the new pen? Lysander — Better put the old Poland China in there. Sim — All right; in he goes. (Exit Sim) Mrs. DeS.- — Oh, horrors! Do you mean to say there are filthy swine on these premises? Lysander — That's just what and if I do say it, as shouldn't I've got the best lot of pigs in this here town. We don't make a practice of keepin' 'em in the house and if you came here you wouldn't have to associate with 'em any more 'n you wanted to. Mrs. DeS. — (Excitedly) Associate with swine! Oh, you-- you — Ugh! De Courtney, do you intend to stand there like an image and permit your own dear wife to be insulted like that? Do something! I don't care what but do something. DeS. — Now Isabella, do be calm and — Mrs. DeS. — Be calm! You ask me to be calm in face of that insult? "JUST PLAIN JONES" 11 DeS. — Now compose yourself, Isabella, and I will give the man a real severe reprimand. Mrs. H. — Now Mrs. DeSmythe, don't take offense at a thing Pa says. He don't mean to be insultin'. At times he's one of the most comical men you ever saw and that was just his little joke. Mrs. DeS. — Joke! If that's his idea of a joke, I care to have nothing further to do with him. Lysander — That's right, lady, I wouldn't insult you for the world and I didn't mean it that way. Lucinda — (Aside) Accordin' to my notion, if anybody was insulted, it was the pigs. Mrs. DeS. — Very well, I will accept your apology but you may consider our negotiations for this place at an end. Mr. DeSmythe and myself have seen and heard enough to convince us that people of our social standing would find nothing con- genial in a place of this nature. DeCourtney, I cannot com- prehend what you was thinking of to suggest that we come to such a spot as this. DeS. — Why, Isabella, you know it was you who suggested that we — Mrs. DeS. — (Interrupting) That will do, DeCourtney, that will do. Now Mrs. Hopkins, if you will do us the favor to have your servant show us out, we will say adieu. (Mrs. Hopkins motions to Lucinda who goes to door) Lucinda — (Pointing) Down to de end of dis yere hall you'll find de door jes' where 'twuz when you come in. Mrs. DeS.-;— Ugh! Of all the impertinance I ever saw. (Exit Mr. and Mrs. DeSmythe) Lucinda — Say, Mis' Hopkins, what was dat she said when she went out? Mrs. H. — She bade us adieu. That's a sort of goodbye. Lucinda — I call it good riddance of poor rubbish. Lysander — That's what I think, too. I wouldn't rent her this here place fer a dollar a minute, much as we need money. Mrs. H.— Well, now, Pa, that's puttin' it perty strong but I ain't a bit sorry they didn't take it. (Door bell rings) Lucinda — Lord a massy, there's somebody else. I wonder if they's another pair of freaks comin'. Mrs. H. — Hush! You mustn't talk that way, 'Cindy. Go and see who it is. (Exit Lucinda) 12 "JUST PLAIN JONES" Lysander — Mebbe it's the Joneses. They said they was comin' today, too. I hope 'tis. If we've got to have any more times like the one we just had, I'd kinder like to have things all over with at one settin'. Lucinda — (Heard outside) Yessum, they's both at home. You just come right along o' me. * (Enter Mr. and Mrs. Jones and Lucinda. Mr. and Mrs. Jones are "common, everyday folks", cordial and pleasant, just the opposite from Mr, and Mrs, DeSmythe), Mr. Jones — (Advancing and shaking hands) This, I pre- sume, is Mr. and Mrs. Hopkins. (Mrs. Jones also shakes hands with Mr. and Mrs. Hopkins) Mr. J. — "We came to inspect your place in answer to your advertisement. Mrs. J. — We were very favorably impressed by its out- ward appearance and from what we have thus far seen of the inside, we like it just as well. Lysander — That's where you are different from a couple of folks that was just here. Mrs. J. — Do you mean to say they were not pleased with this beautiful old. home? Mrs. H. — No, they didn't like it. Things were not high toned enough for them. Mrs. J. — What did they expect? Lysander — Don't know. The woman seemed to expect a lot. Her husband didn't say what he expected. She didn't give him a chance. She wears the pantaloons in that family. Lucinda — (Aside) You bet she does, and de suspenders and de boots and ev'ry t'ing else. Lysander — While they was in here I kinder got a line on what some city folks want so I'll answer a lot of questions be- fore you ask 'em. We ain't got no "bawth" 'ceptin' a wash tub in the kitchen, no garridge, we keep pigs and cows and ain't got no help to throw in with the place. Mrs. J. — Did they expect all that? Mrs. H, — Land sakes, yes, and I don't know how much more. Mr. J. — Now let me do a little talking. We don't expect any frills and furbelows. Mrs. Jones and I have not always lived in the city. Each of us was born on a farm and every year we spend our vacation in the country. For us it beats Atlantic City or any other fashionable resort. If we found a "JUST PLAIN JONES" 13 farmhouse that isn't like those we were familiar with years ago, it wouldn't seem natural. Mrs. J. — That's it exactly. We want a place with furni- ture in it that's made to use and not to look at, a good old- fashioned rag carpet, chintz curtains, red and white plaid tablecloths, a kitchen sink with a pump that brings up water with the cistern smell to it, a few of those old straight-backed chairs and a couple of rockers with those old-time, hand- pieced cushions on them, that's our idea of a house to spend a vacation in. Lucinda — (Aside) Dar's a woman wiv some sense in her head. Mrs. H. — Well, I guess we've got all them things. Lysairder — You bet we have and lot's more you ain't mentioned. Mr. Jones — I hope up stairs somewhere you've got one of those old cord bedsteads with a husk mattress on it and on top of that a feather tick that all but covers you up when you sink down into it and one of those comfortables made of hand- pieced blocks. Don't know's I'd want to sleep all summer in a bed rigged up that way but I'd like to put in a few nights there. Mrs. J. — Yes, it seems natural to get in a room like that with a braided rug or two on the floor, an old-fashioned wash bowl and pitcher on the wash stand, an embroidered splasher behind them, some good old pictures hanging here and there and some nice, bright paper on the walls. Lucinda — (Aside) Golly, they's just paintin' a picture of this yere house. Mrs. H. — Well, it does me good to hear you talk like that. I supposed there wan't nobody but Pa and me that liked that sort o' thing nowadays. Mr. J. — We like them and we also like a pleasant piazza where we can sit and look out across the fields or down the road, smell the apple blossoms, hear the birds, see some green grass, listen to the tinkle of the cow bells and perhaps hear a church bell ringing away off in the distance. That's what we like and if you are ready to lease us this house for three months we are ready to pay the price you mention in your advertise- ment and will come next week. Lysander — The bargain's made. Mrs. H. — We've never rented the old home before and I do hope you'll be satisfied with it. 14 "JUST PLAIN JONES" Mrs. J. — We will be. That we know from what we have already seen and we will be here the first of the month if that is agreeable to you. • Lysander — Yes, maam, it is. (Enter Sim) Sim. — 'Scuse me. Didn't know you had more company. Say, Lysander, that old Berkshire pig's rootin' around like all git out and if we don't git a ring in his nose right away, we can't keep him in the pen. I thought mebbe you'd help. Ought to have three men but mebbe you and me can do it alone. Lysander — All right, Sim, I'll be there in a minute. Sim — All right. I'll go and git things ready. (Exit Sim) Mr. J. — Did I hear him say you Want someone to help put a ring in a pig's nose? Lysander — He said we ought to have three men in order to do the job up in shape. Jones — Well, I'm that third man if you've got a pair of overalls and a jumper you'll lend me. I declare, this takes me back twenty years. Many's the job like this I did when I was on a farm. Come on. Where are those overalls. Lysander — Hangin' in the woodshed. We'll git 'em on the way out. (Exit Lysander and Jones) Lucinda — (Aside) There's a real man, not one of them imitations. Imagine that DeSmit feller tryin' to ring a pig. Oh, golly! Mrs. H. — Now Mrs. Jones, you and Mr. Jones have got to stay all night with us. We ain't goin' to take no fer an answer. If you feel you must go in the mornin' we'll take you down to the train. Lucinda, you go out in the kitchen and begin gittin* things ready fer supper. (Exit Lucinda) Mrs. J. — We intended to go back home this evening but I don't know as there's any reason why we can't stay over if Mr. Jones is willing and I feel sure he will be. At any rate we thank you for the invitation. Mrs. H. — Of course you're goin' to stay. Now you set right down and rest while I go and straighten up that spare room. Mr. Jones is goin' to have a chance to sleep on one of them feather ticks he was talkin' bout a spell ago. Mrs. J. — Sit down! Well, I guess not. I'm goin' to speak to Mr. Jones about staying over night and then I'm going to help you with that room and, if you'll permit me, I want to help you get supper. This seems like old times and I feel it in my bones that bur vacation here will be the best we have ever had. (Exit Mrs. Jones) "JUST PLAIN JONES" 15 Mrs. H. — Land sakes, don't she beat all? Her comin from the city and wantin' to help slick up the spare room and to help git supper, too. Lysander 'n me are goin' to like 'em fust rate 'cause they'll take just as good care of the house and furniture as 'Cindy and I do. They're our sort of folks ; no frills and flummediddles and no stuckuppishness. "Just Plain Jones." (Curtain) LIBRARY OF CONGRESS illliiilililiiilillJiJi 015 973 689 1 -r In Old New England Four-act rural comedy. A clean, pure and wholMome pUy. Now in its third edition. 25 cents a copy. Sacketts* Corner Folks Four- act rural comedy. Similar to "In Old New England" Adapted to small stages. Simple scenery 35 cents a copy. ONE-ACT HUMOROUS PLAYS Spriggins* **Ouiet" Afternoon It turned out to be anything but quiet. 15 cents a copy. The Jonesville Sewing Circle They did some sewing but not much. 1 5 cents a copy. The Jonesville Grange Initiation A burlesque. No horse play. Buy this, sure. 1 5 cents a copy. The Jonesville Board of Assessors It tells some things you've suspected. 15 cents a copy. The Jonesville Experience Meeting How the ladies earned (heir Jollars. 15 cents a copy. HUMOROUS RECITATIONS "Nothing Serious" Compiled by H. M. Doty. A book of carefully selected hu- morous readings and recitations. This book will be found very valuable by those who wish to provide entertainment in connection with regular meetings of granges or other organi- zations. The selections are new, at propriate and up-to-date. Price 25 cents a copy. Send all orders to HARRY M. DOTY, Chatham, N. Y.