^1 J^fy MARCH'S FAMOUS FUNNY FARCES MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers, L E B A N O N, O H I.Q The Train to Morrow PS 635 .Z9 By Jeannette Joyce Dopy 1 Copyright, 1920, by March Brothere CHARACTERS Mrs. Makesure. Miss Prim. Mr. Rodeover. The Ticket Agent. . Colored Porter. / ' ' - Scene: {A country railway station. Agent lusy at desk. Enter a large, good- natured woman of Samaniha Allen type, carrying a large covered basket and numerous h undies, which she deposits on seat. As she stands looking about, she fans vigorously. At length she addresses the busy agent across the room.) Mrs. Makesure: I recken that train goes as usual to Morrow (tomorrow). {No response.) Too bad, now. He's a leetle hard of hearing! Bad for him with this job, too, some folk's voices is weak and they might have trouble finding out things. {Raises voice.) Train go as usual to Morrow (tomorrow) ? Agent: I do not understand your question, madam. Mrs. Makesure: Too bad, too bad! Worse than I thought. {Enter traveling man with cases which he de posies. Taking off hat he mops forehead.) Mr. Rodeover: A warm day! I'll say a very warm day. {Looks over with smile at agent who does not raise his head.) He doesn't know it, though. Mrs. Makesure {speaking sotto-voice) -. Law, no. He has no idea you're a speaking to him. Poor man, he's that deaf, I wonder he can hear the train a thunderin' by. Maybe you could tell me, could you, ef the train goes the same time to Morrow (tomorrow) 1 Mr. Rodeover: Eh? How's that? Say that again. Mrs. M^vkesure {aside) : It ain't no ways possible, he's deaf, too, is it? {Raises voice.) Doe*^ the train go at the same time to Morrow (tomorrow) ? TiiK Train to Morrow ,M Mr Kodeover: Oh, sure, I gi't you now, easy. Yes, it goes at the same time every day except Sunday. Mrs. Makesure: But I want to make Kure, to be certain, you know, that it goes to Morrow (toanorrow) ? Mr. Rodeover: Yes, that's right. This is Monday, tomorrow's Tuesday. The train goes at the same time {telling it off an fingers) Monday, Tuesday, Wed- nesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. See? {Enter colored porter who picks np grips of Mr. Rodeover.) Porter : Say, boss, you want these tilings to go on this here next train ? Mrs. Mxkksvrv. {ru.'ihing up to porter) : DoCvS this next train go to Morrow (tomorrow) ? Porter: Sure, missus, it aims to, if it doan run off the track today. Mrs. Makesure: But I mean, are you sure it goes to Morrow (tomorrow) ? Porter: I low it will, missus, but I won't swear to it. Nothin' sartin in this world but death and taxes, and they's not very sartin, gettin' higher all the time. {As he leaves, taps his head to indicate to Mr. Rodeover that she is out of her mind. Mr. Rodeover agrees. Enter a typical maiden school teacher, who seats herself near Mrs. Makesure.) Mrs. Makesure {offering fan) -. Here, be'ent you warm? This place is hot 's aji oven. Miss Prim: It is exceedingly warm today. Have you had a long wait? Mrs. Makesure: Well, not so long as I'll have yet, if I can't find anybody who is'nt either deaf as a stone or dumb as an idiot. Here I lowed to get to Morrow (tomorrow) to my son's house, but I'm likely to set hei-e for want - of somebody to answer a civil question. •{ Miss Prim: Well, you have quite a little time until tonioi-row. Did you ask the ticket agent? Mrs. Makesure: He's deaf as a post. Can't make him understand nothin'. Miss Prim: Deaf! And in a place where the public must depend on him. I'll investigate. {Goes over to agent, yells at him.) Sir, do you know that you have no business in such an office as this. Agent {looking iip, spraks aside) : Another one, two at a time, clean dippy, maybe I better run. Miss Prim : No deaf man has any buisincsvs in such an office. * .,,;;j OCT -1 1920 The Tr-\in to Morrow Agent (angrily) : Who said I was deaf? I could hear you a square off. Mrs. Makesure: Well, now isn't that funny, I made sure he was deaf, when I asked him if the train to Morrow (tomorrow) was on time today. Agent: You asked what? Mrs. Makesure : I.ook here, I 'm tired of this foolin, ' I want to go to Morrow (tomorrow) to my .son's, and I want to go today. Agent {addressing teacher) : Now, I'll give up, Isn't that madhouse talk? {Enter Mr. Rode over and porter^ the latter calling train for Cokimbiis, Cincinnati, Marrow, Waynesville. IVIiss Prim {taking Mrs. Makesure hy arm; to agent) : Not at all, a slight error in English. She wanted to inquire if the train for Morrow went as usual today. {Agent falls hack exhausted; porter and Mr. Eodeover see joke.) {Curtain) LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 017 400 019 MARCH'S FAMOUS FUNNY FARCES Five (or 25 cents. Not Leas than Five Sold. AUNT JANE VISITS SCHOOL. By Joannettc Joyt-o. Any number of males and females. After fifty years Aunt Jane spends a nioniinc in a mixlern sclnxil. Her observations keep the audience In a roar. AUNT JEKl SUA AND I'NCLE JOSH. By Kflle LoiOse Kooglc. 1 male, 2 females. These eccentric folk visit the school, produiciiiB no end of fun. AUNT LUCINDV STAV8. Hy Willis N. Uugboe. 2 males, 2 females. Two darky characters make lots of fun. Clever and clean. "BEAT IT!" Ry Willis N. HuRhee. 3 males, 1 female. A scolding wife makes trouble for everybody, the parson Included. Oceans of fun. BETTY AND BETSY. I5y Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Betsy was advertised for sale, but he wnnte*! Betty. Brlcht and pretty. THE BUGTOWN BAND. By Archibald Humboldt. 4 males, 1 female. More fun than yoo can Imagine, and a little music which anyl)ody can make. THE BUZZVILLE NEWS. By Effie Ixtuise Koogle. 2 males, 1 female. A breezy conversation between the munngcr and new editor. A sure hit. DOT ENTERTAINS. By Klizabeth F. Ouptlll. 1 male, 1 female. Dot entertains her big sister's beau. and the thiiius she tells him are a plenty. A bic success. THE GOOSE rE.\THEKBED. By Willis N. Bu^'bee. 4 males, 1 female. A dandy little play for Irish and eccentric cliaracters. Easy and amuslnK. HASTE M.\KES WASTE. By Harriette Wilbur. 3 males. The young drug clerk hurriedly grabs the wrouE iKittle and learns that haste makes waste. IN A DOCTOifS OFFICE. By Jeannette Joyce. 4 males, 6 females. A take-off on the specialist of todav. Incidentally a numlxT of the follies of humanity are exposed in a laughable manner. I.Al GHTEK .\ND SONG. By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males, 4 females. Comic dialog interspersed with jollv .s<>uise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. Cunning attempt of an old maid to prove her youth. Very laughable. SEEING THE ANI.MALS. By Clara J. Denton. 1 male, 2 females. A swell hotel clerk, a. suffragette, and a siMiilcd child make a lively time. A hit. THE SQl'.\SHVILLE FIRE BRIGADE. By Willis N. Bugbee. 3 males, 2 females, and other firemen, if deslnd. A brisk iiml snappy little dialog. Easy and clever. THE STUI'ID WITNESS. By Archibald Huralioldt. 3 males. The lawyer and witness lock horns and have iin awful time, but it's fun for the audience. Swift and keen. THE TR.VIN I.K.W KS IN TEN MINUTES. By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male. 2 females. Will they catch the train? Tin- awful suspense is punctured by fun and wit. THE TRAIN TO MORROW. By Jeannette Joyce. 3 males, 2 females. Confusion In a railway station resullinu' in ii<« end of fun for the audience. THE TRAVELINt; PHOTOGRAPHER. By Kate Alice White. 3 males, 2 females. He uneipecteilly visits a fanners fainilv. All work is stopped and they pose for the picture. AN UP-TO-D.\TE PKOPOS.AL. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 females. A roaring farce that will keer) the au(li«'ti«-e inti-rcMrd every minute. Effective when used with "A Proposal In Grandma's Day." WANTED: A LICENSE TO WED. By Ellz.ibeth F. Ouptlll. 2 males, 1 female. Humorous situation resulting from a misunderstanding. Irish dialect. No entertainments sent on approval or exchangred. MARCH BROTHERS, Pablishers, 208-210-212 Wright Ave, Lebanon, O. I ^ ^ 6) LIBRARY OF CONGRESS III 11 017 4000190 #