-2. 9C»/ ^^ r ) County Fair at Pimkinville ; 635 '.9 C87 >py 1 , Farce in two scenes Any number of characters 1 hour, or more, according to specialties introduced mm 25 cents EDGAR S. WERNER & COMPANY 43 East 19th Street NEW YORK Copyright, 1912, by Edgar S. Werner TMP92-008939 ©CI.D 3D037 County Fair at Punkinville. CHARACTERS. Farmer Jay Anthony Green. Mrs. Jay Anthony Green. Baby Obadiah Melchizidek Green. Grandma Green. I. Slickem, Manager of Fair. Mrs. Adamson, Friend of Family. J. Lose-yer-coin, Kentucky Jockey. Policeman. Mlle. Writhem, East India Snake-Charmer. Mlle. Angelica Sweetosweet, Tight-Rope Walker. t L L t?rQ.-| E " ropeanSingers - Moving-Picture Girls. Shoot-the-Chutes Manager. Quartet Singers. Spectators at Fair, Musicians. properties. Hat and cane for Farmer Green. Child's straw hat fof Baby Green. Knitting, bonnet and shawl for Grandma Green. • Drum-sticks and candy for Baby Green. Pan of apples and knife for Mrs. Green. Tin basin and red flannel for Mrs. Green. Megaphones for I. Slickem and J. Lose-yer-coin. Covered stand on side of stage in Scene II. for I. Slickem. Policeman's helmet and club for Policeman. Stuffed snake, about six feet long, for Mlle. Writhem. Tent or curtain covering back of stage for Scene II. Rope, to be fastened to stage for Mlle. Sweetosweet. Trestle, long smooth plank, and short board for Shoot-the- Chutes. Signs, advertising various shows, on hangers. Pocketbook for Farmer Green in Scene II. Bell, dozen cocoanut shells, or hollow, shallow tin cups for horse- race, 3 4 COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLB COSTUMES. Farmer Green : Long coat, flannel shirt, flowing tie, chin whis- kers. In Scene II., wide hat, heavy cane and woolen com- forter, woolen mittens. Mrs. Jay Green : Blue waist and black skirt. In Scene II., bon- net and long coat, woolen gloves. Baby Green : Wide collared white blouse, short trousers. In Scene II., short reefer, wide straw hat with ribbons hanging, placed on back of head, red mittens, stick of candy. Grandma : One-piece house-dress, hair powdered and parted in middle, spectacles well down on nose. In Scene II., bright red shawl over shoulders, and old-fashioned bonnet. Mrs. Adamson : Black skirt, long coat, dilapidated hat on back of head ; hat must have dangling feather ; white gloves. I." Slickem : Gaudy suit of striped or loudly checked material. (Gingham may be used.) Coat made with long tails; red tie with large brilliant scarf-pin, big diamond rings on fingers, top hat, very pointed shoes, megaphone. J. Lose-yer-coin : Jockey's costume, flashy tie and rings, mega- phone. Mlle. Writhem : Long, close-fitting green princesse dress. Beads and tinsel ornaments in hair, costume as Oriental in get-up as possible. Mlle. Sweetosweet : Fancy costume of pink, fluffy skirts, white or pink slippers, roses in hair, long pink, diaphonous scarf which she waves in her hand. Shoot-the-Chutes Man : Costume much like that of I. Slickem. Policeman : Regulation policeman's uniform. European Singers : Fancy evening costume. Moving-Picture Girls according to tableau represented. Quartet Singers : Farm-hand costumes, overalls, wide hats, blue shirts. SUGGESTIONS FQR PRODUCTION. While this entertainment may seem elaborate, it can be pre- sented with comparatively small expense, and not much trouble. A school gave it at a cost of seventeen cents, children furnishing their own costumes. In Scene II. back of stage should be hidden by large curtain; or, if possible, a representation of a big tent may be made. A costumed page may appear and hang on tent sign representing COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE 5 each show to be given, while I. Slickem is advertising the show. Moving-pictures may represent any tableau, or any story. The only stipulation. is that persons must shake from head to foot all the while; heads, hands, feet, bodies continually vibrating as in moving-pictures. When figures move, if they have occasion to walk or run, they should make short, quick, jerky steps, bodies shaking all the time. This with a little practice is easy to do, and always elicits applause. Mlle. Writhem can have a snake made of dark green cambric stuffed with cotton, with shoe-button eyes, and red flannel tongue, with scales marked on back with black crayon. In giving snake dance, she must start violently now and then, as if afraid of snake. She should hold head of snake by neck, pointed always towards her face, her eyes fixed in eyes of snake, as if charming it. Ties snake in a knot, unties it, etc. She can end her dance by folding snake in rings on floor, and standing on folds while looking tri- umphantly at audience, arms folded. Exits with snake on top of head or around neck. _ Mlle. Sweetosweet should pretend that she is on high rope in air. She should walk on rope on floor as if afraid to fall, keeping time to music, swaying back and forth, pretending to fall, catching herself, and balancing herself with scarf. A good plan is to count four between each step. She may vary performance by kneeling, balancing side-ways, the more variations the more realistic. After performance she may spring forward, as if springing from rope, bowing and smiling and kissing her hands. Shoot-the-Chutes may be made realistic and amusing. Let Manager bring in a fairly high trestle, and place against it a smooth long plank, resting one edge on floor, one on trestle. He can be assisted by a page. When members of cast are ready to go down incline, they should sit on smaller board (about 18 x 20 inches), to which Manager gives slight shove, and they go down plank easily, ending on floor without any disaster, or jarring. European Singers may give any song they desire, either duet or two solos. Quartet Singers may give any good selection, preferably a country song. The horse-race may be managed to make a good scene. All members of cast may be within tent, or behind curtain, as case may be. At signal, given behind scenes of "Go !" or ringing of bell, shallow tin cups or cocoanut shells may be manipulated on floor to represent sounds of horses' hoofs. Fast music must be played, sounds beginning softly, rising to loud sound, and grad- 6 COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE ually dying away. There may be shouts, cries, voices through megaphone, names of horses, and at end of announcement through megaphone behind scenes of winning of some horse as "Susie wins by a neck!" SCENE I. Home of Farmer Jay Green. Interior of kitchen, old-fashioned clock on mantel. Fruit and vegetables, including pumpkins, apples, etc., on table in center of room. Farmer Green seated near table, read- ing newspaper; Grandma Green knitting stockings, on opposite side of table; Mrs. Green near table paring apples in pan; Baby Green seated by father's side on stool, noisily beating drum. Pause after rise of curtain. Grandma. Well, to-day is Thanksgiving — [Baby begins drum- ming again] land sakes, Obadiah Melchizidek, stop that noise. [Farmer Green snatches sticks and drum and throws them on floor. Baby Green snivels and whimpers.] To-day is Thanks- giving, an' I do hope the boys will have fine weather for their game. It looks as if we will have a clear day after the storm. Farmer G. [laying down paper]. Ma, I ain't a-goin' to that game to-day. [Horrified silence. Grandma lays down knitting, and pushes back spectacles. Mrs. G. drops apples in pan noisily. Baby G. sucks thumb and stares at father.] Mrs. G. Not a-goin' to the game? Jay Anthony Green, be you a-goin' crazy? What ever will the boys think of you? Did any one ever hear of a Thanksgivin' Day without your attendin' the football game? Grandma. My son, after you promised them, too ! The boys'll jest want to sit down an' quit. Baby G. Oh, Pa ! Go ! Farmer G. [rises and bangs fist on table. All jump.] I said I wasn't a-goin' and I ain't, so there! Mrs. G. [bustles about excitedly]. Yes, I knowed it was a- comin'. I knowed he couldn't go on that way long without a-gettin' sick ; he's been workin' too hard, gettin' in the crops ; too much prosperity in this country. Jay Anthony, you'll be wrapped COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE 7 up in this here red flannel [producing yards of flannel from cup- board drawer, or table-drawer], an' I'll get a mustard foot-bath ready right away. You, Obadiah Melchizidek, run an' get Ma a bottle of camphor from the chest. [Obadiah makes feint of run- ning, but returns, sits down, and silently drums on table with his sticks.] Ma, just let me reach that basin by you. [Grandma hands large tin basin, which Mrs. G. sets at Farmer G.'s feet.] I knovved he'd git sick if he kept on that way. Poor man ! Farmer G. Ma, I ain't sick. [Puts pan on table. Baby drums on pan. Grandma stops him.] I'm tired of the regulation Thanks- givin' Day, that's all. an' I'm a-goin' to break loose from tradi- tions, I am ! Baby G. What's traditions, Pa? Farmer G. An' instead of a-goin' to see that old game between the Punkinville Petes an' the Howard High School, I'm a-goin' to the County Fair, I am ; an' you needn't try to stop me. Grandma. Where's that mustard? Now, I know you're crazy, Jay Anthony; who ever heard tell of a fair on Thanksgivin' Day? Farmer G. Well, you can hear tell of one now right down to Punkinville Center. It's a new thing, but I tell you, Ma, we live in a progressive age, an' we've got to keep up with the procession. Mrs. G. It's too cold for processions, Jay Anthony. Baby G. I wants my turkey ! When's dinner ? Grandma. It's flyin' in the face of Providence. Jay Anthony, you'll get fleeced out of every cent you've got ; you never did have no sense. Mrs. G. Them dancin' things will make eyes at you, an' make you want to backslide. Baby G. I wants my turkey ! The gizzard ! [Farmer G. has been standing with hands in pockets, shaking head stubbornly. Now he sits down and takes Baby G., who has been snivelling, on his knees. All group attentively around him.] Farmer G. Now, dear people, listen to me. I ain't a-goin' to git into no trouble; I ain't a-goin' to look at no pop-eyed women, 8 COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE an' I ain't a-goin' to lose no money because I ain't got none to lose. What I want to do is to see the fair, an' I propose [Loud knock at door. Mrs. G. goes to door, sound of greetings and ex- clamations. Enter Mrs. Adamson excitedly and very noisy and warm.] Mrs. A. Land sakes, good people, ain't you heard the news ! Never saw such excitement in all my life ! County Fair at Punkin- ville Center. Never heard tell of a county fair at Thanksgivin' ! Something wonderful ! Lord, Jay Anthony Green, how can you set there so ca'm an' collected, with the town all billed up with them gaudy posters, an' them slick lookin' men with megaphones a-walkin' all around callin' people in right from their very houses. [Sits down and fans with hat.] Farmer G. [rising excitedly, dumping Baby off Jiis knees]. There, what did I tell you? I'm a-goin' ! Baby G. Me too ! Grandma [sits down resignedly and takes up knitting]. No good will come of it, mark my word ! No good's goin' to come of flyin' in the face of Providence in that awful way. Mrs. A. Land, Grandma, how you do carry on ! Why ain't you ca'm like me? Can't you see I never get excited. [Fans rapidly.] Mrs. G. [coming down front with wrath and determination]. Jay Anthony Green, when I married you I took you to protect an' cherish you for better nor wuss, an' I'm a-goin' to that fair with you ! Baby G. Me too ! "Better nor wuss !" Mrs. G. It's an awful wicked thing to do, but the dear mercy knows I never was known yet to shirk my duty; an' my duty is to see after you, for I know awful things happen at these wicked places. I believe you're sick, but I've got to cherish you, an' if you go to that fair, I go too, so there ! [Sits doivn and begins to peel apples vigorously.] Baby G. Me too ! "So there!" [Snatches piece of apple and eats it.] COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE 9 Grandma. Mark my word ! Mrs. A. Maria Mehitable Martha Ann Green, I've been a good friend to you, ain't I ? I never deserted you when you was in trouble, did I? [Mrs. G. shakes head mournfully.'] When Oba- diah Melchizidek had the measles, the mumps an' the whoopin' cough all to onct, didn't I come to the house an' put up your preserves? [Mrs. G. nods mournful assent.] Well, I'm a-goin' to stick by you to the last, even in the face of great danger. I says to myself, says I, I ain't never goin' to let no friend o' mine go into the very teeth of the dragon without me a-stickin' close by to pull her out. An' Maria Mehitable Martha Ann Green, if you goes to that fair, I goes too, so there ! Grandma. Mark my word ! Mrs. G. [putting dozvn pan]. Pa, is you bound to go? Farmer G. I am. Baby G. He am. Me too ! Mrs. G. Then, there ain't nothin' to do but to get ready. Come, Obadiah Melchizidek, get on your things. [Snatches Baby G. from chair, and goes out holding his hand and shaking her head.] Grandma. After my raisin' him to keep his word, too ! Farmer G. Are you ready, Mrs. Adamson ? Mrs. A. Me? Course, I'm ready. Didn't I come here to get you folks to go with me? Farmer G. [getting into overcoat and picking up hat and um- brella or cane] . Good for you ! [Re-enter Mrs. G. and Baby G., getting into hats and wraps. After much bustle all start off, shouting, "Good- by, Grandma^' who goes on knitting, paying no attention to them. After they are gone she rises, looks about her, tip- toes to door, shakes her head, puts on bonnet and shawl; takes them off, sits dozvn, knits a while, puts knitting doum violently; puts on bonnet and shazvl zvith decision.] Grandma. Me too ! [Goes out, looking cautiously about her.] [curtain.] 10 COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE SCENE II. Grounds of County Fair; tent at back; left of stage, little wooden stand, draped with bunting, for use of I. Slickem; tent or curtain dec- orated with flags, posters and signs. Noise of shouting, band (grapho- phone or piano, playing lively music. Men shouting, talking, fakirs selling things, and Policeman indiscriminately clubbing rural crowd and telling them to "Move on!" Let noise and bustle, walking to and fro and talking and shouting and music-playing continue for minute or two after curtain goes up. Finally, I. Slickem takes his place on stand, and crowd group around him. In middle of his speech Farmer Green, Mrs. G., Mrs. Adam son and Baby G. enter from right and form group at back of larger crowd. Slickem [partly through megaphone] . Here you are ! Here you are ! Greatest show on earth ! All the latest and best freaks on the seven continents brought together under one great, grand, magnificent, magniloquent tent for the delectation and pride and glorification of this great country ! Walk right up, ladies and gentlemen, and see anything you want to see ! Everything under the sun ! Here's your only original tight-rope walker, Mademoi- selle Angelica Sweetosweet, the most beautifullest and talentest lady tight- rope walker in all the great universe ! [Mlle. Sweeto- sweet advances, bozvs and kisses her hand, then exits into tent.] Here's the snake-charmer, right straight from India by special palace car, just for your sight ! See her strangle the giant boa- constrictor. [Sake-Charmer comes forward, bows and exits.] Here's the moving-pictures, straight from Paris by Adams Ex- press Company, packed in cotton to keep them from jumping out, so natural and life-like they are! [Moving-Pictures enter from tent, bow and exit into tent again.] Right here, ladies and gentle- men, and hear the famous European singers, brought here just for this fair. [Singers walk out, bozv and exit.] Here's your horse-race, under the management of Mr. J. Lose-yer-coin ; never was known to run any horse that didn't win, no matter who ran against him ! [J. Lose-yer-coin walks out, winks at audience and exits.] If you want a thriller, Shoot-the-Chutes and know what it is to fly through the circumambient atmosphere. [Shoot- the-Chutes Man walks out, bozvs and exits.] Here you are, ladies and gentlemen ! Here you are ! COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE 11 Mrs. G. Land sakes, Jay Anthony ! What have we struck? Mrs. A. Ain't it fine ! Baby G. I want some candy ! Farmer G. Now you know this is better than sittin' roun' home, or goin' to see that old game. Mrs. G. Ssh! [Crowd gradually disperses, some through tent doors, some to right and "left of stage, except Policeman, who leans against tent, and apparently goes to sleep, though he opens one eye and watches Lose-yer-coin and Slickem.] Slickem [entering from tent and approaching party]. Walk right up and see the show, ladies and gentlemen. [/;/ a zvhisper.] You'd better watch out for sharpers, though ; they might take your money. Mrs. A. Land sakes! Slickem. I'm manager of the fair, and all people leave their valuables with me. Now, you better just hand over to me any- thing you want to keep, and I'll guarantee you safe keeping. Mrs. G. [warningly]. Jay Anthony! [Policeman nods and szvings club.] Farmer G. [hands Slickem his purse]. Thank you, sir. Slickem. You're welcome ! Here you are, ladies and gentle- men ! All ready for the Moving-Pictures ! [Exits left]. [Sign "Moving-Pictures" may be hung by Page on out- side of tent. Curtain drazvs and show is given while piano plays.) Mrs. A. [after tableaux, and while zvalking slozcly across stage from right to left]. Jay Anthony, did you ever see such a sight? Weren't them women real? Mrs. G. Course they were real ; couldn't you see they were ? Farmer G. Maria Mehitable, talk with some sense. Them women wern't real ; they're just pictures. Couldn't you see how they waggled an' jiggled all over the place? 12 COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE Baby G. Pa ! I want some candy ! Policeman. Move on! [After this scene, and after every performance, Police- man shoves the Green party from right of stage to left, making them go off behind left end of tent, or left corner of stage. Green party always enter from right, and move across to left.] [Enter Slickem into his stand.] Slickem. Here you are, ladies and gentlemen ! Only Snake- Charmer in these United States worthy the name. Mademoiselle Writhem, the only original East India Snake-Charmer ! See her charm the awful, stupendous boa-constrictor until he can constrict no longer ! [Sign hung on tent by Page. Enter Green and party, right. Exit Slickem, left.] Mrs. . G. Jay Anthony ! You ain't a-goin' to see that woman be all mussed up in that snake, be you? Baby G. Pa ! I want some candy ! Farmer G. [handing Baby stick of candy]. Maria Mehitable Martha Ann, I came to this fair to enjoy myself, an' I'm a-goin' in to see that woman. Now, you can come or stay. Mrs. A. Land sakes ! [Exit Slickem, left. Curtain opens, disclosing Mlle. Writhem, who steps forward zvith snake-charming dance accompanied by music. ] Policeman [after she goes into tent again]. Move on. Move on! will yer? [Exeunt Green party, left.] [Enter Slickem from tent.] Slickem. Shoot the chutes ! Shoot the chutes ! Greatest sen- sation on earth ! Shoot the chutes ! [Shoot-the-Chutes Man and assistant enter from tent and set up chutes. Enter Green and party. Page hangs up sign.] COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE 13 Mrs. G. Jay Anthony, you ain't a-goin' to git on that skeery thing, be you? Farmer G. I certainly am ! Shoot-the-Chutes Man. Shoot the chutes, best fun on earth ! Shoot the chutes ! [Piano begins playing any rapid tivo-step.~] Mrs. A. Maria Mehitable, it's taking my life in my hands, but I'm ready to meet my Maker, so here goes ! [Goes down slide. Picks herself up with a grin after reaching bottom.] [Exit Slickem.] Baby G. Pa, I wanner go! [Takes his slide.] Farmer G. Maria, this is a progressive age ! [Goes down sol- emnly.'] Mrs. G. Well, I promised to stick to him through thick an' thin. [Goes down screaming.] Policeman. Move on! Move on, will yer? [Exeunt Greens, left, all talking at once, Policeman pushing them off. Exit Shoot-the-Chutes Man and ap- paratus into tent.] [Enter Lose-yer-coin from center -of tent.] Lose-yer-coin. See here, old man, you've got to make some money out of this fair. Thanksgiving doesn't seem to be a good time to pick up the pennies. Ah! See who comes ! [Sign hung on tent by Page. Enter Green party.'] Lose-yer-coin. Here you are, ladies and gentlemen! Come riol t up and see the famous blooded horses from Kentucky. Never did see such animals ! Race ? They go around the world in a min- ute, putting wireless telegraphy to shame. Right here, ladies and gentlemen ! Mrs. G. Jay Anthony Green ! There's things I won t stand for, an' horse-racin is one of them. Mrs. A. Jay Anthony, remember you're a member of the church ! Baby G. Pa ! I want some candy ! [Farmer hands him a stick.] 14 COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE Lose-yer-coin. Ladies and gentlemen ! This is the only pure, Christian, scientific horse-race in the world. [Pretends not to see the Green party, who confer together earnestly.'] Ministers and doctors, preachers and lawyers, professors and teachers, come in here to get their minds relaxed ! Famous horses from Ken- tucky ! Farmer G. Maria, I ain't never seen a blooded horse. Mrs. G. All horses are blooded; ain't they all got blood? Mrs. A. That's so ! Lose-yer-coin. Right in, ladies and gentlemen. [Exit center of tent.] Baby G. I'm hungry. [Yells.] Farmer G. I'm goin' ! [Enters tent, follozving Lose-yer-coin.] Mrs. G. I promised to cherish him. [Follows in tent.] Mrs. A. I'll never desert a friend. [Follows.] Baby G. Ma! Pa! [Follows them.] [Sounds of race from tent, accompanied by rapid music. Enter Policeman, leans against side of tent and goes to sleep. Enter Grandma Green, from R.] Grandma. Seems to me this place ain't so terrible wicked after all. But it must be because I've enjoyed every minute I've been here. Land, them shoot-the-chutes ! [Dusts her skirt.] Policeman [sleepily]. Move on! Grandma. Move on yourself! To think o' me at my age havin' fun at such a place! I wonder what's in that tent? [Goes toward tent, which opens as she reaches it, and discloses Green and party, who step forth. All shout together.] Farmer G. Ma! Mrs. A. Grandma Green ! Mrs. G. Why, Ma ! Baby G. I wants my dinner ! Where's my gizzard ? Grandma G. [with great assumption of dignity]. Jay Anthony Green, you're my only son, an' I came here to protect you from your own evil headstrongness. Not for me was the cozy fireside an' my own consciousness of purity of heart with my son an' daughter strayin' in the paths of wickedness ! COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE 15 Mrs. A. That's mighty kind in you, Grandma Green, but where've you been? [Grandma looks at dust on her dress and fakir's medal on her shawl and grins sheepishly.'] Policeman. Move on, will yer ! [Exeunt left, all talking at once, Baby G. bawling. Enter Slickem.] Slickem. Walk right up, ladies and gentlemen, and hear the only concert singers in the world really worth listening to— Mademoiselle High Z. and Mademoiselle Low Q., trained in Europe at enormous expense, and brought to America to sing at this fair exclusively. Right here, ladies and gentlemen ! [During this speech, and while sign is being displayed, enter Green and party, right. Curtain opens, Singers come from tent, advance front and sing.] Farmer G. Now you, Maria Mehitable, that's singing! Ef I could hear music like that all my life, I'd be willing to live until I was as old as Methusaleh. Grandma. Jay Anthony, go ask them young women ef they won't join our choir. They'd be just the kind of voices that would be an uplift to the congregation. Policeman. Move on! Mrs. G. Ma, 'tain't no use ; them airy creatures air too fine for us. Baby G. Pa! Pa! Farmer G. [advancing toward Singers]. I say, young ladies. [They retreat abruptly within tent, drawing curtain in his face.] Policeman. Move on! [Exeunt Green and party, left, talking mournfully.] [Enter Slickem.] Slickem. Ladies and gentlemen ! Here is Mademoiselle An- gelica Sweetosweet, the most renowned tight-rope walker in all the world. Ladies and gentlemen, walk right up and perceive her beauty and genius. 16 COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE [Enter Green and party, right, as sign is being dis- played, and assistants are placing rope on floor.'] Baby G. Pa, what's a tight-rope walker ! Grandma. Somebody walkin' a rope when they're tight? Gracious ! Mrs. A. I've often hearn tell of men walkin' them things, but never of a woman. [Exit Slickem. Performance of tight-rope zvalking. Mlle. Sweetoswe*:t advances from tent, bows and smiles right and left, and springs upon her rope. Waltz music. During this, the Green party look up in air (not at girl on floor), straining their eyes, following motions of zvalker with their heads, gasping, and saying "Oh! 3 * at intervals.] Farmer G. Land sakes ! See how she walks away up in the air on that leetle rope. Mrs. G. Ain't it fearsome ! She'll fall, I know she will ! Mrs. A. Think of any woman makin' her livin' that a-way ! [Mlle. Sweetosweet, after bowing to audience several times, kisses her hand to Farmer G. and goes into tent.] Mrs. G. Jay Anthony, did you see that critter kiss her hand to you? Farmer G. [simpering]. Well, Maria, can't a woman show her good taste without you gittin' all riled up ? Wonder if she'll walk it ag'in ! Grandma [seising Farmer G. by arm] . My son ! Maria, let's get him away from this ungodly place. [Start towards left of stage, but Policeman comes for- zvard, grasping Farmer G. by shoulder.] Policeman. See here, you ain't been a-payin' to go into all these shows, have you? Farmer G. Payin'? They ain't pay, be they? Nobody said nothin' to me about pay. When I went in, they just opened the doors an' told me an' my wife an' my son an' my mother an' my friend here to go on in an' enjoy ourselves. COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE 17 Policeman. Can't help that; they're pay, fifty cents a show, and you've been to five shows and that's ten dollars. Come on, now, money ! [Holds out hand.] [Consternation on part of Greens, the women talk, Baby cries, while Farmer G. scratches head.] Grandma. Of all the beats ! Well, Jay Anthony, I hope you're satisfied. Farmer G. [feeling for purse.] But I gave my pocketbook to that nice-looking young gentleman who said he'd keep it for me. Policeman. Ought to have had better sense. Come on, now, your money. Mrs. G. Well, ain't there nothin' free here. [Quartet enters from left.] Leader of Quartet. Yes, we are. [Song by Quartet; during song, enter Slickem from one side of stage, and Lose-yer-coin from other side. After song, Slickem advances toward Green party.] Slickem. Mr. Green, you look worried, what's the trouble? Policeman. He'd better worry about all them shows he's been beating his way into. Slickem. That's all right, Mr. Green. I'm the manager of this fair, and I gave orders to all the keepers to let you in free, because I wanted to show all your family a good time, including my friend, Green, Junior, who looks like my kid at home! [Gives him stick of candy.] I took your pocketbook to keep you from getting bun- coed. I knew it wasn't safe with my friend, J. Lose-yer-coin, around the place. [During this speech entire company has been gradually and quietly entering and grouping about.] Lose-yer-coin [advancing]. You took his pocketbook to keep me from getting my hands on it, did you? And I've been carrying it around all day to keep it safe from you? [Produces purse, which he hands to Farmer Green with low bow.] 18 COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE Slickem [looking foolish']. Where did you get it? Lose-yer-coin. Out of your pocket. [Laughter and applause from all the company.] Farmer G. Thank you,* gentlemen ! Thank you all ! [Bows to company.] We've had a fine time, haven't we? Mrs. A., Grandma, Mrs. G. and Baby G. Indeed, we have ! [Company has grouped around Farmer Green and party until they stand in a ring. All sing:] For he's a jolly good fellow, For he's a jolly good fellow, For he's a jolly good fellow, Our good old Farmer Green. Our good old Farmer Green, Our good old Farmer Green, etc. [All point at Farmer Green. When singing above second time, all join hands and dance around Green party; at the end, piano plays a march and all march gaily around stage, Farmer Green leading march with Mrs. Green, Baby G. and Grandma. Mrs. A. and Shoot-the-Chutes Man, and others paired off as looks best.] [curtain.] COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE 19 ADDITIONAL SPECIALTIES "County Fair at Punkinville" may be made longer and more effec- tive by following side-shows : 1. Cheap Jack and Stand of Goods. 2. Japanese Performers. 3. Indians with Dances. 4. Jugglers. 5. Zu-Zus or Clowns. 6. Banditti Drill. 7. Gipsies. 1.— CHEAP JACK [Cheap Jack wears soft, slouch hat, shabby plaid suit, worn tan shoes. As curtain rises he is discovered behind stand, smiling as people come along. His stand is rough plank stand on wooden horses. On stand are cheap-looking articles — knives, forks, spoons, scissors, mirrors, razors, pans, work-boxes, writing-paper, pens, etc. He addresses by-standers :] Here I am, just Cheap Jack, known the world over. My father's name was William. He was a Cheap Jack too. Now, do you know, I mean to go down to my grave declaring that of all the callings ill-used in the world, the Cheap Jack calling is the worst used. Why ain't we a profession? That's right, come closer — come closer, so's you can hear. Now, as I was saying, why ain't we a profession? Why ain't we endowed with privileges? Why, do you know, the Cheap Jack business is a lovely business, a lovely occupation, and I'm a lovely one in that line of business, just as my father was before me. You, over there, look as though you didn't believe me — you don't? Well, young man, I'll show you a thing or two in a few moments. The few dollars hidden in your trousers' pocket — you needn't feel for it, it's there all right, but you better keep your hand close over it, for I am going to have it in a few moments. As I was saying, I'd show you why I am a lovely Cheap Jack, I'll do it. You don't have to buy, if you don't want to ; but I know you'll want to. Now, I gather to- gether a certain line of articles that I am sure will please my audience, just like this ; and, when I get them piled so all may see, I begin to speak. Now, my friends, I'm a-going to give you the 20 COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE chance of your life, such a chance as you never had in all your born days, nor even in the days preceding. Here's a razor that will shave you closer than any city official; here's a flat-iron that's worth its weight in gold to the housewife who needs it in care of the house for pressing, mark it, pressing man or his clothes; here's a frying-pan, artificially flavored with essence of beefsteak to that degree that you've only got for the rest of your lives to fry bread and dripping in it and there you are replete with animal food; here's a genuine chronometer watch in such a solid silver case that you may knock at the door with it when you come home late from a social meeting, and rouse your wife; and here's half-a-dozen dinner-plates that you may play as cymbals to charm baby when he's fractious. There ! No, wait, I'll put this in too, it's a rolling-pin, and if baby can only get the end of it into his mouth when he is teething, and rub his gums once well with it, teeth'll come through double, in a fit of laughter equal to being tickled. Stop ! again ! I'll throw you in another article, because I'm not yet satisfied with the looks of you all — you haven't yet the appearance of buyers. The article I throw in is a looking-glass — a mirror in which you may see how ugly you look when you don't bid. What do you say, now ? Come, I'm ready for a bid ! Do I hear four dollars? Oh, no, not you, you haven't got four dol- lars ! Three dollars ? No, I know you didn't bid — you owe your tailor too much to bid. Well, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll heap them all here — here they are ! Razor, flat-iron, chronometer watch, dinner-plates, rolling-pin, and looking-glass — take them all away for two dollars and fifty cents, and I'll give you for your trouble a nice box of writing-paper! Two dollars, you say? No? Make it one dollar and a half and they're yours ! You offer me one dollar and twenty-five cents? Good, I told you I'd get your money, young man. Hand it out. There you are, friends, that's me, Cheap Jack ! [Curtain falls as people exit.'] COUNTY FAIR AT PUNKINVILLE 21 2.— JAPANESE PERFORMERS Performers go through various movements. Following material is suitable: "Japanese Parasol and Fan Drill" ($.35), or "Parasol Drill" ($.25), and "Japanese Wedding" ($.35). Costumes: Fine Japanese costumes. 3.— INDIANS WITH DANCES Costumes: Indian costumes (see "Hiawatha Entertainments" for illustrations, $.35). Following is suggestive: "Indian Sun Dance" ($.35), "Squaws' Dance, or Harvest-Basket Dance," "War Dance," "Great Feather Dance" (all three in one book, $.50). Indians are fond of game of Battledore and Shuttle-Cock, which makes an attractive feature. 4.— JUGGLERS Make-believe juggler pretends to call up one of audience, goes through form of mesmerizing him, and then the mesmerized person may do the tricks, or juggler may himself do them without calling up another. "Juggler" ($.35) is suggestive for such work. Juggler may also do tricks with money or with cards. 5.— ZU-ZUS OR CLOWNS Any number of persons, dressed as clowns (each costume differ- ent), come in from sides of stage, turn somersaults, make faces, etc. They may also perform drill "Drill of the Brownies," in clown cos- tume ($.35). 6.— BANDITTI DRILL All sorts and conditions of people in all sorts of costumes. "Ban- ditti Drill" ($1). 7.— GIPSIES All sorts of gipsy attire — brightest green, yellow, red, blue, etc.; many colors in combination. For suggestions, see "Gipsy Encamp- ment" ($.35), "Gipsy Fantasy" ($.35). "Werner's Readings and Reci- tations No. 31" ($.35) contains "Fortune-Telling with Dominoes." Entertainment may close with "Dance of the Nymphs" (use "Dance of the Flowers," $.50), or "Butterfly Dance" ($.35). Dancers offer flowers for sale as they dance about. During dance, girls offer sou- venirs to bystanders. Note. — For special list of other helpful books for these various specialties, send to Edgar S. Werner & Co., 43 East 19th St., New York. 44 On the whole, the best entertainment I ever tried with boys under 16."— Wm. Byron Forbiuta, Editor of "WORK WITH BOYS," January, 1907. HIAWATHA ENTERTAINMENTS. 2d Edition, Revised, Enlarged, Illustrated. Longfellow's beautiful legend of " Hiawatha," so arranged as to form SPLENDID MATERIAL FOR CLUBS, SCHOOLS, COLLEGES, PUBLIC OR PRIVATE ENTERTAINMENTS, FOR YOUNG OR OLD, FOR LITTLE OR BIG FOLKS. WHAT IsTtTtHE BOOK: 1 Study of " Hiawatha." 2. — Hiawatha : A Pantomimed Reading. Consists of (i) Introduction. (2) Hiawatha's Childhood. (3) Hiawatha, the Boy. (4) Hiawatha's Wooing. (5) Hiawatha's Wedding-feast. Requires a reader and any number of males and females. Songs and dances are introduced. Full directions for action are given. 3. — Hiawatha : A Drama in Six Acts. The strongest " Hiawatha " drama ever produced. Introduces Drills, Dances, Songs, Tableaux and Pantomime. Suitable for any number of males and females, either small or large. As a whole, it will occupy an entire evening. Each of the acts is ar- ranged so that it may be used as a separate entertainment, lasting from 15 to 20 minutes. 4. — Hiawatha Battling with his Father. A dramatic scene for two males. 5. — The Famine : A Pantomime. For any number (from one to twelve) of males and females. 6. — Directions for Indian Costumes and Make=up. 7. — How to Make and Set up a Wigwam. 8. — How to Make Moccasins. 9.— Suggested Outline of Study of " Hiawatha." 10.— Study-helps. Never before has there been so deep an interest in the Indian race, so full of myth, reverence, pride, dignity, courage; so closely interwoven with America's history; so full of wrongs from America's settlers; and whose doom of final extinction must touch forever a sympathetic chord in their white suc- cessors, and afford the historian, poet and dramatist, for a long time to come, rich material for recording, singing and representing Indian cong and story. Schools can find no more effectual and fascinating way to teach the history and geography of America than by giving a Hiawatha entertainment, supplementing it with class-study. Besides sundry illustrations in pen and ink, the book has eight full -page half-tone illustrations photographed from actual stage scenes which are of much help to those giving a Hiawatha entertainment. 35 cents in paper binding, net, postpaid ILLUSTRATED PANTOMIMES Photographs from Life. Full Direc- tions for Pantomiming and Reciting ABIDE WITH ME $ .35 AT THE GOLDEN GATES.... 1.00 CALVARY 50 COMIN' THRO' THE RYE 25 CONQUERED BANNER 35 COURTIN*, THE (No. 2) 35 DANCE OF MIST MAIDEN ("Maid of Morning Mist")... 1.00 EASTER LILIES FOR EASTER TIME 25 FEDALMA S DANCE 35 HOLY CITY 35 I DON'T KNOW 15 I'SE BAD 35 I'SE DOOD 35 JESUS, LOVER OF MY SOUL. .50 LADY CLARE 35 LAST ROSE OF SUMMER 35 LEAD, KINDLY LIGHT 25 LISTENING EAR OF NIGHT. .25 LOTOS-EATERS 50 MAUD MULLER 25 MOLLIS PRENUPTIAL FLIRTATION 1.00 MY MOTHER'S BIBLE 35 MY FAITH LOOKS UP TO THEE $ .35 NEARER, MY GOD, TO THEE .50 NEEDLES AND PINS 50 PARADISE AND THE PERL. .35 POSES PLASTIQUES FOR LITTLE ONES 25 RIZPAH 25 ROCK ME TO SLEEP 50 ROCK OF AGES 25 ROMANCE OF THE GANGES. .25 RORY O'MORE 35 RUBAIYAT 35 ROYAL PRINCESS 25 SANTA CLAUS CAUGHT 35 SEVEN TIMES ONE 35 SOUTHERN HOMESPUN GOWN 25 STAR-SPANGLED BANNER... .35 S'WANEE RIVER ("Old Folks at Home") 25 SWORD OF ROBERT E. LEE. 1.00 WHERE ARE YOU GOING, MY PRETTY MAID? 35 IN ADDITION TO ABOVE, WE HAVE OTHER FINE PANTOMIMES, NOT ILLUSTRATED, BUT FULLY DESCRIBED. Send for Special List. Send Orders Direct to Publishers EDGAR S. WERNER & COMPANY 43 East 19th Street, New York ■niiilf • . . THESE ARE THE TEAv.L . 1 ! 102 soo 9 J Werner's Selectiorvs with Elocution Lessons No* 1 . . BRINGS TO YOUR HOME . . EMMA DUNNING BANKS, Actress, Public Reader, Teacher, Author of "Bankift Recitations with Lesson-Talks." BERTHA L. COLBURN, Teacher, Author of "Graded Physical Exercises.'* ANNA D. COOPER, Teacher, Public Reader, Director of Poses in the Pantomimes. "Star-Spangled Banner," and "The Listening- Ear of Night." ANNA RANDALL-DIEHL, Teacher, Public Reader, Author of "Elocutionary Studies," etc. GRACE B. FAXON, Teacher, Public Reader, Formerly an Editor of "Werner'* Magazine." HENRY GAINES HAWN, Teacher, Author, President of the National Association ot Elocutionists. ERNEST LEGOUVE, of the French Academy, Eminent Playwright and Dramatic Teacher. J. M. D. MEl^LEJOHN, Eminent English Elocutionist. SAIDEE V. MILNE, Teacher, Public Reader, Author. AMELIA RING MORGENROTH, Teacher, Director of Entertainments at Education*} Alliance. E. V. SHERIDAN, Actress, Teacher of Dramatic Art, Author, Playwright. HERMANN VEZIN, the Eminent London Teacher of Elocution. ELISE WEST, Teacher, Public Reader, Formerly an Editor of "Werner's Magazine.* ^ORA W. WHEELER, Teacher, Author, Formerly First Vice-President of tn# National Association of Elocutionists. these: contributors represent all the leading contemporaneous schools or. systems of elocution and physical culture i Following is a list of selections, which are exhaustively analyzed, and on which elaborate lesson-talks are given, by the above-named eminent teachers: American Flag. — J. R. Drake. Little Hugo. Bishop and the Caterpillar.— M. E. Manners. Order for a Picture.— A. Cary. Brier- Rose.— H. H. Boyesen. Organist.— A. Lampman. Captor Captive (from "Ingomar"). Parthenia, a Hostage (from '* Ingomar **). Como.— J. Miller. Peggy's Serpulae — L. C. Austin. Cupe s Courtship— J. U- Lloyd. Pied Piper of Hamelin.— R. Browning. Dog's Funeral.— S. V. Milne. Rejected Suitor (from "Ingomar"). Higher Culture in Dixie.— D. Dix. Rivals.— B. Chandler. How He Saved St. Michael's.— M. A. P. Savage Conquered (from "Ingomar"). Stansbury. Shaker Romance.— C. S. Haight. How to Prepare a Selection for Public Sheltered.— S. 0. Jewett. Rendering.— C. M. Wheeler. Sioux Chief's Daughter.— J. Miller. Taffar.— L. Hunt. Soul of the Violin.— M. M. Merrill. Julius Caesar, Act I., Scene I.— W. Shake- Study of Fables.— E. Legouve. speare. Tom's Little Star.— F. Foster. King Richard's Dream.— W. Shakespeare. Two Souls with but a Single Thought ffrew Kitty Clive.—F. F. Moore. "Ingomar"). Legend of the Organ-Builder.- J. C. R. Dorr. White Lily.— M. L. Wright. Light on Deadman's Bar.— E. E. Rexford. Wooing Scene from " King Henry V«'*— W« Little Christel.— M. F. Bradley. Shakespeare. 35 SPLENDID LESSONS IN ELOCUTION FOR 11 2 f Book sent postpaid on receipt of price LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 016 102 800 9 #