PS ??sTs PS 2583 |.P75 T5 Copy 1 PRICE IS CENTS. DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS. (Number 146.) THERE'S No Smoke Without Fire. A COMEDIETTA, IN ONE ACT. BY THOMAS PICTON, AUTHOR OF "A TEMPEST IN A TEA POT," "BEHIND THE AGE, "MEDICAL SCIENCE." " A THIEF IN THE NIGHT." ETC., ETC. TO "WHICH ABE IDDtO A description of the Costume — Cast of the Characters — Entrances and Exits- Relative Positions of the Performers on the Stage, and the whole of tho Stage Business. ROBERT M. DE WITT, PUBLISHER, *?o. 33 Rose Street. THE LANCASHIRE I, ASS. A Domestic Melo-Drama, in Four Acts. By Henry J. Byron. Price 15 Cents. FIRST LOVE. A Comedy, in One Act. By Eugene Scribe. Price 15 Cents. NOW BJEJUDY %ars, 9£~ These Plays will be sent to any address, postage paid, on receipt of price, Fifteen Cents each. R. p. DE WITT, PiJblssHer, No. 33 Rose Street. Ko. „ «»»**. Gomedy. S Act*. By T. W. Bobert- son. 6 Mala, 3 Female Characters. 2. Nobody's Child. Dramatic Play. 3 Acts. By Watts riiilli]i.s, Esq. 18 Male, 2 Female 5. £ :00,000. 74y H. J. Byron, 8 Male, 4 Fe- male Characters. 4. Dandelion's Dodgoi. Farce. lAct. By T. J. Williams. 4 Male. 2 Female Characters, r,. William Tell ! With a Vengeance. Burlesque. 2 Acts. By H. J. Byron, s Male, 3 Female Characters. 6. Six. Months Ago. Farce. 1 Act. By Felix Dale. 2 Male. 1 Female Characters. 1. Maud's Peril. Drama. 4 Acts. By Watts Phillip*. 5 Male, 3 Female Characters. 8. iilenry Dunbar. Drama. 4 Acta. By Tom Taylor. 10 Male, 3 Female Characters. 9. A Fearful Tragedy in the Se»en Dials. A Farcical Interlude. 1 Act. By Charles Selby. 4 Male, 1 Female Characters. iO. The Snapping Turtles ; or, Matrimonial Masquerading. Duologue. lAct. ByJohuB. I'.tukstone. 1 Male, 1 Female Characters. 11. Woodcock's Little Game. Comedy Farce. 2 Acts. By John Maddisou Morton, i Male, 4 Female Characters. 12. A Widow Hunt. Comedy. 3 ActB. (Al- lele,! Horn his own comedy of "Everybody's Friend.") Py J. Stirling Coyne. 4 Male, 4 Female Characters. 13. Kuy Bias. Komantic Drama. 4 Acta. From the French of Victor Hugo. 12 Male, 4 Female Characters. 14. Alo Thoroughfare. Drama. 5 Acts and a Prologue. By Charles Dickens and Wilkie Collins. 13 Male, C Female Characters. 16. Milky "White. Domestic Drama. 2 Acts. By 11. T. C aven. 4 Male, 2 Female Characters. 16. Dearer than Life. Serio-comie Drama. 2 Acts. By Henry J. Byron. 6 Male, S Female Characters. 17. Kind to a Fault. Comedy. 2 Acts. By William Brough. 6 Male, 4 Female Characters. 18. If I had a Thousand a Year. Farce. ! \. i. By John Maddisou Morton. 4 Male, 3 Female Characters. 19. He's a Lunatic. Farce. 1 Act. By Felix Dale. :i Male. 2 Female Characters. 20. Daddy dray. .Serio-comic Drama. 3 Acts. By Andrew Halliday. * Male, 4 Female Characters. 21. Play. Comedy. 4 Acts. By T. W. Robert- son. 7 Mara, S Female Characters. 12. David t.iuriiH. Comedy. 3 Acts. By T. W. Robertson, s nlale. 3 Female Charac- i sra S3. The Petticoat Parliament. Kxtrava- ganza. l a<-:. By Mark Lemon. 15 Male, 24 Percale Characters. 24. Cabman No. u:»; or, Found In a Four Wheeler. Fane, l Act. By T. J. Williams. 2 Male, 2 Female Characters. I'he Broken-Hearted Club. Comedietta. By J. Stirling Coyne. 4 Male, 3 Female Char- acters. Society. Comedy. 3 Acts. By T. W. Rob- ertson. 16 Male, 5 Female Characters. Time and Tide. Drama. 3 Acts and a Pro- logue. By Henry Leslie. 7 Male, 6 Female Characters. A Happy Pair. Comedietta. 1 Act By S. Theyre Smith. 1 Male, 1 Female Charac- ters. Turning the Tables. Farce. 1 Act. By John Poole, Esq. 5 Male, 3 Female Characteis. The Goose vith the Golden Eggs. Farce. 1 A . By Messrs. Mayhew and l-.d- H'ards. 5 Male 3 Female Characters. Taming a Tiger. Farce. 1 Act. a Wale Characters. The Little Rebel. Farce. 1 Act. Hy J. Stirling Coyne. 4 Male, 3 Female Charac- ters. One too Many for Him. Farce. 1 Act. By T. J. Williams. 2 Male, 3 Female Char, acters. Larkin's Love Letters. Farce. 1 Act. By T. J. Williams. 3 Male, 2 Female Charac- ters. A Silent Woman. Farce. 1 Act. Bj Thou. Hailes Lacey. 2 Male, 1 Female Charac- ters. Black Sheep. Drama. 3 Acts. By J. Pal- grave Simpson and Edmund Yates. 7 Male, 6 Female Characteis. A Silent Protecior. Farce. 1 Act. By T. J. Williams. 3 Male, 2 Female Characters. The Rightful Heir. Drama. 5 Acts. By Lord Lyiton. 10 Male, 2 Female Characters. Master Jones' Birthday, Farce. 1 Act. By John Maddison Morton. 4 Male, 2 Female Characters. Atchi. Comedietta. 1 Act. By J. Maddison Morion. :; .Male. 2 Female Characters. Beautiful Forever. Farce. 1 Act. By Frederick Hay. 2 Male, 2 Female Cha Time and the Hour. Drama. 3 Acts. By J. Palgrave Simpson and Felix Dale. 7 Male. :>, Female Characters. Sisterly Service. Comedietta. 1 Act. Bj J. P. Wooler. 7 Male, 2 Female Characteis. 'War to the Knife. Comedy. 3 Acts. By Henry J. B) roll. :> Male, 4 Female Characteis. Our Domestics. Comedy-Farce. 2 Acts. By Frederick Hay. 6 Male, 6 Female Char- acters. Miriam's Crime. Drama. 3 Acts. By H. T. Craven. 5 Male, 2 Female Characters. Easy Shaving. Farce. 1 Act. By F. C. Burnand and Montague Williams, fi Male, 2 Female Characters. Little Annie's Birthday. Farce. By W. E. Suter. 2 MAle, 4 Fora^lo Characters. THERE'S NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE. % (ffjomebwtte. IN ONE ACT, By THOMAS PICTON, Authob op "A Tempest in a Teapot," "Bkhjkd ths Age," "Medical Science," " A Thief in thb Night," etc., etc. to which abb added, A DESCRIPTION OP THE COSTUMES CAST OF THE CHARACTERS- TRANCES AND EXITS RELATIVE POSITIONS OP THE PER- FORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE OF THE STAGE BUSINESS. V 78 NEW YORK: ROBERT M. BE WITT, Publisher, No 33 Rose Street. Entered uncording to Act of Congress,. in the year 1872, by Robebt M. De Witt, in the oiS.ce of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C. THEKE S NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIKE. CHARACTERS. \S % S" 33 Timothy Tickler (a Bank Clerk) P'W ^T ~7 ^" Marie (his Wife) • I N / Q Mrs. Jones (a Tenement-house Keeper) SCENERY. .—A neatly-furnished apartment, in 3d grooves, closed in r. and L. | Door | | "Window j Sideboard! * Chair. * Chair, and Clock on Wall. Door. Door. O # Round Table and Chair. * Arm-chair. All the doors practicable. On sideboard some ornaments and breakfast things. On round table a wax candle and match-box. Window curtained. Three chairs and one arm-chair on stage. COSTUMES. Timothy Tickler.— A neat tweed business suit, black silk high-crowned hat, plain black necktie, and colored gloves. Marik.— A very plain but well-fitting walking-dress ; bonnet trimmed with pink ; Canton crape shawl ; an embroidered apron, with pockets. Mas. Jones.— Colored muslin dress ; apron, and cap. PROPERTIES. Ornaments for sideboard ; clock on wall ; candle, candlestick* matches ; decorated coffee-cup; napkin; a couple of plates; knife and fork; plate of pancakes; umbrella ; two cigars ; hat-brush. THERE'S NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE. SCENE. — A neatly-furnished apartment in a tenement house in New York city. Entrance door at back. A curtained window, practicable, at its L. Sideboard with ornaments and breakfast things on it at its r. Practica- ble doors leading to kitchen, r., and to sleeping chamber, l. To the R. of the stage a round table, on it candle, candlestick and match-box. To the L. an arm-chair. Clock over sideboard on wall. Three chairs in various Timothy {enters through door at back, briskly carrying an umbrella be- neath his arm). The key's in the door, that's proof positive, she cannot have gone out. Marie ! Marie ! (crosses to l.) Possibly she's in our sleep- ing chamber (hears noise at r.) Or may be in our kitchen with her dainty little hands compounding an omelet, or manipulating a mutton chop. (comes to front taking off gloves which he puts in hat) What a ridiculous thing for a husband to be jealous just after the last quarter of a honey moon. How stupid to imagine that it was my wife I stumbled upon around the corner in the avenue, an unsophisticated bride of five weeks marital experience, (places umbrella and hat on table) I wasn't altogether in fault in mistaking the woman's identity A sprightly creature, a bonnet trimmed with pink, Canton crape shawl, and such a tapering waist ! I didn't see her face, but I would have sworn to the bonnet and shawl, while I would have bet my mortal existence upon that waist — I've had my arm around it so often. It was very like her, her exact double, and a cold chill runs over me when I think there can be two terrestial an- gels so nearly alike, (after a pause) Hang it, could it have been her? 'And then, there was something suspicious in the way she tripped along, floating like a hamadryad, still hugging the shop windows as if afraid of being seen. What in Heaven's name could she be doing in the ave- nue at this hour, when she knew I Avould be expecting breakfast after my morning stroll ? Take all things together, some husbands might be inclined to experience jealousy, but I am a philosopher, and, in mar- rying Marie, preferred possession of a pretty embroideress, nurtured within a thrifty workshop, to the acquisition of a domestic ornament fresh from a female boarding school. The salary of a bank clerk, now- a-days, will not support superfluous luxuries, and Marie is a veritable helpmate. While I toil with the pen she works with the needle ; beside being chambermaid, cook and housekeeper, she makes her own dresses and my shirts, embroiders her linens and darns my stockings. A man can't afford to be jealous of a wife of this economical value without the most ocular of demonstrations, as an ill-founded mistake might force him to the verge of bankruptcy, (as he is talking Timothy moves gradu- ally to the door r. Marie enters rapidly, dressed in the style described, and advances toward table.') 4 there's no smoke without fike. Marie. No one has seen me— Tim. {turning around sharply). Eh ? Marie {with a start. Ah ! Tim. You have been out? Marie. If not, how could I come in ? Tim. Just so ! Pink trimmed bonnet ! Canton crape shawl and — and that tapering waist ! Marie. What do you observe % Tim. Please to turn around so that I can see all of you. Marie {proceeding to the l. and taking off bonnet and shawl). What for, pray ? Tim. It's all right, perfect facsimile of the articles, if not Marie. Have you been long returned from your walk ? Tim. Only a minute or so, and as I found the key in the door Marie (opening door on r.). Only Mrs. Jones, our kind neighbor down stairs. Mrs. Jones entering through door, r. Mrs. J. All is ready, ma'am, you have only to warm up the milk. Marie. Thank you, Mrs. Jones, you can leave us. Mrs. J. (about to go). Thankee, ma'am, my worthy man's breakfast may be overdone. Tim. (aside). No! don't go ! something occurs to me. My entire fore- head is covered with sweat. Marie. Mrs. Jones ! Mrs. J. {stopping at bach). Ma'am ! Marie. Send up a plate of pancakes for my husband. Mrs. J. {at door, back). Certain, ma'am ; you can have anything you pay for, (aside) that is, if my man first swallows the lion's share. [Exit. Tim. {absorbed in meditation). The avenue ! Pink trimmed bonnet ! Canton crape shawl ! Marie. Eh ? Don't you like pancakes 1 Tim. {awakening suddenly from his reverie). Pancakes? Who said any- thing about pancakes 1 Marie. What are you dreaming about then ? Tim. Nothing. Last night I was down to the bank late, and having figures on the brain, I didn't sleep as usual, and now my mind wanders. Marie. Where is it going to 1 The avenue ? Tim. (taking Marie by the hand). What did you go out for this morn- ing ? Mrs. Jones is paid to do all your errands. MarIe. The good soul is very obliging, but, when one is all alone, there are a thousand little articles to be purchased by one's self. Tim. Then you w-ent out to purchase Marie, in the first place, my needles run out. Tim. And you run out to follow them 1 Marie. Nonsense, I'm particular about their eyes. Tim. Eyes of any particular color 1 Marie, (pettishly). Tes, yes; but why these stupid questions ? Tim. Because I thought I saw you in the avenue a little while ago. Marii:. 1 ? {aside) Has he any doubt of it? Tim. On the Eighth avenue. Marie. Precisely. Tim. There is no thread and needle store on the avenue nearer than four blocks, and there is one on this street next door. . Marie. It's very likely. Tim. The longest way round is the shortest way home. Marie. It niay be so. Tim. Permit me to look at the needles you purchased. Marie {embarrassed). Needles '? well I didn't find the number I wanted. Tim. Is your number difficult to be found ? what is it ? Marie, {abstractedly). Three and a half. Tim. That's the number of her shoes. Marie, {aside). My face glows like a furnac«. Tim. {sharply). Hold ! Marie ! {she looks at him, he recoils). Hem! hah! Marie, {calmly). What were you going to say ? Tim. {changing his tone of voice). I do not desire you to go out again in this manner. Marie. Pooh ! Nonsense ! Tim. No ! decidedly you must have a servant ; you who are so deli- cate, so susceptible to colds and fevers ; you, my dear, will be sick be- fore you know it. Marie. Not at all ! I am a hundred times more happy, contented and healthy than were I to have a servant to keep me in a perpetual ex- citement. What with their blunders, annoyances and impertinence, I would wear myself to the brink of desperation within a month's time. And then, some fine day, I would see you corning home, enraged, ex- asperated, with your face buried in your hands and your head bowed down. Tim. As if a chimney pot had blown upon it. Marie. Yes. Your salary, you would tell me, has been cut down by reason of a panic, or the cost of living increased through a rise in the price of gold, and then you would give yourself up to lamentation on my account — you, who are so good and love me so dearly. Tim. That is perfectly true. Marie. Then you will commence preaching economy. Tim. In money matters ; just to put our expenses on a level with our receipts, so that we can enjoy ourselves together. You know, Marie, I never countenance small vices,. and therefore neither touch a wine cup nor use tobacco in any form. As for a cigars — pah ! I execrate them, the very thought of smoking makes me sick. Marie. Still you would not renounce the coffee you doat upon, nor the theatres we sometimes visit, nor this comfortable suite of rooms, our domestic paradise. Tim. Neither would you. Marie. Certainly not. I have practised economy in advance. I have suppressed the strapping Teutonic servant girl who eat treble the amount of her wages, and transferred her cost to the improvement of our own table. Mrs. Jones does all the hard work of our chambers, except in there, {pointing /ol) Within our sleeping apartment — our sanctuary — no one is allowed to penetrate, save I add {takes his hand) you. Tim. It is our sanctum sanctorum. Marie. True, the bed is a little hard to make, still with our united strength we do it most gayly Tim. That the proverb may be fulfilled : As we make our bed so shall we lie in it. Marie. And this arrangement shall continue so long as our family consists of two ; but, when we are three Tim Delicious idea ! Marie. So I sometimes think, {with a sigh) The little cherub— Tim. Diminutive angel ! Marie. The image of his father, all frankness and love* Tim. The picture of his mother, all beauty and grace. Marie. If it should not be a boy % 6 THEKE S NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE. Tim. Then it would be a girl. Let's put our trust iu Providence, and while awaiting settlement of this family question, let us seal memory of our vows by a diurnal kiss, to commence from this very moment, (kisses Marie. ) Marie. This conjugal duty performed, allow your wife to degenerate into a servant of all work and serve up your coffee, {sets the table with breakfast things) In the first place permit me to be your waitress. Tim. (chucks her under chin). Yes, my pretty little girl, I take you into my service and will pay your wages in advance. Marie. I accept them without dispute or wrangling, (they embrace, and Marie goes up the stage.) Tim. {at front). To imagine anything suspicious about that angel. Heavens and earth, what a fool I came near making of myself. Marie (coming down). Bless me, he don't suspect anything. Tim. What a blessed combination of mistress and maid. Marie. Ah ! ah ! if we could always live as independent. Tim. Free to make love when and where we please. Marie. Without any spy on our actions. Tim. Free to make fools of ourselves whenever we think proper. Marie. And to dance when the whim takes us. Tim. Why not ? Now for a polka, mazurka, redowa. Marie. Et cetera, et cetera. The orchestra strikes up a polka or waltz and both Timothy and Marie dance joyously. Marie. Hold ! (the music ceases) To make our domestic felicity com- plete but one thing is necessary. Tim. What is that ? Marie. Just a little disagreement. Tim. Why so ? Marie. Because Tim. Because Marie. I'll tell you some other time, (the dance is resumed for some bars.) Marie. Ah ! I can stand this excitement no longer. I am suffocating (falls in Timothy's arms. Musk ceases.) Tim. Behold an infallible restorative, (embraces her.) Marie. In my case, only, when administered by you. Tim. Unless you know of it, my dear, for between us two there shall never be any secrets— never — never ! Marie. Then I'll serve up breakfast. Tim. And I'll take a little rest. Timothy, taking with him umbrella and hat, enters chamber at l. Marie goes towards door at r. Marie (stopping at r. c). No secrets from one another! If my poor husband only knew I had one— a big one at that. If, when he saw me on the avenue, he had only followed me and noted the store I entered (interrupting herself) Ouf ! I shiver from head to foot ! I'm chilled all oyer! How terrible it is when a person has a passion that she can't withstand, and which preys upon her heart ! Oil ! heavens ! how differ- ent it is in the case of men, who deprive themselves of nothing in the lT™J ;Tf emen A f T Umt ° f US p °° r WOmen > deDi « d the least extra luxu.y, and forced to be content with an absolute necessity. Oh ■ if Timothy only dreamed that I went out to spend money upon a contra- there's no smoke without fire. 7 band superfluity. Well, as it would not come to me, I had to go after it— that's all. Enter Mrs. Jones, through door at back, with plate of cakes. Mrs. J. Here, ma'am, pancakes for Mr. Tickler. Marie. I'm obliged to you, Mrs. Jones. Mrs. J. Anything else, ma'am 1 Marie. No, thank you, I'll just give the milk a boil up. [Exit through door, r. Mrs. J. The milk not boiled up ! bless my soul, what have these two been about ? (with a sigh) My old man swallowed his down long ago, and is ready for more. Timothy enters in a high state of excitement through door, l. Tim. Here's a pretty state of things ! very pretty indeed ! a man's been in my room ! Ah ! pouah ! a smoker ! Mrs. J. Bless my soul, you don't say so ? Tim. (rushing at Mrs. Jones wildly). Mrs. Jones ! Mrs. J. Sir ! (Timothy seizes her by the arm and while she continues speaking, conducts her across the stage to door at r., and then down to front) He is in as great an excitement as the great robber we used to see at the Bowery Theatre, and more wild than the ourang outang when he says— Tim. Answer me! Mrs. J. What? Tim. He comes here ? Mrs. J. Who? Tim. Somebody — Mrs. J. Where ? Tim. In my room. Mrs. J. Bah! Tim. A man ! Mrs. J. Bless me! Tim. A cigar ! Mrs. J. I know. Tim. With your own eyes 1 Mrs. J. Large or small ? Tim. Can't say. Mrs. J. Half Spanish ? Tim. The man ? Mrs. J. No ! the cigar. Tim. Bu.t the man ? Mrs. J. Don't know him. Tim. He comes here 1 Mrs. J. Every day. Tim. In my absence ? Mrs. J. Quite possible. Tim. Leave me. (throws himself in chair) My wife has turned my head. Mrs. J. (who has moved toward door at back, retraces her steps). After all, sir, I always thought that the man went up to the third floor to see the young lady who works in artificial flowers. Tim. 'Tis false ! Mrs. J. I don't speak to him, for he poisons me with his cigar. Tim. (raising up). The cigar — yes — yes ! Mrs. J. I can' t bear smoke, my husband never smokes—— 8 there's no SMOKE WITHOUT EIRE. Tim. And therein shows his sense, {goes to the door of the chamber and snuffs the air about.) Mrs. J. I don't know whether you're of ray opinion, but I look upon the cigar as the curse of the age. Bless me ! a man that will smoke and make such a smell. Tim. Ali ! pouah ! pouah ! This is why, this morning, in the avenue. {to Mrs. Jones, violently) Mrs. Jones ! Mrs. J. Sir] Tim. My wife went out this morning ? Mrs. J. On the sly. Tim. And she goes out 1 Mrs. J. Every day. Tim. Iu the same way 1 Mrs. J. For needles, she says, (aside) I'll leave the room, his saucer eyes are rolling in frenzy. Tim. Needles ! bitter sarcasm! Mrs. Jones ! Mrs. J. Sir ? Tim. Get out ! Mrs. J. His observation ain't complimentary, but it is to the point and acceptable. [Exit through door at back. Tim. {after walking about for a few seconds he comes to the front). My business is clear as crystal ! Marie, my darling Marie, with her frank couuteuance, her wheedling voice, her hazel eyes ! Then a rival ! who can he be ? some infamous loafer, some pot-house lounger, who has turned our dainty apartments into a stinking bar-room. Yes! yes ! they didu't say to themselves: Timothy Tickler will return and Timothy Tickler will scent out this man. No ! no ! they said to themselves, Love will blind the eyes of Timothy Tickler, but they didn't reckon upon stuffing his nose. I have a nose, and I will follow its dictates, I will follow on the scent of this intruder, and then we will have such a dance. Timothy commences kicking about the chairs and furniture. Marie enters from door »., carrying in one hand the coffee pot, and in the other milk pitcher. Marie. Well, well, don't put yourself to such trouble. Tim. My wife ! Marie. As you are doing the housework, excuse me. Tim. I've been waiting over an hour. Marie {arranging the breakfast on the round table). How impatient you are to-day, sir ! in a hurry to go down town, probably ! Tim. It will please you ? Marir, Me, wicked man ! {aside) It is, in fact, about my hour, (she looks tit clock on wall.) Tim. What are you looking at? Marie. Nothirg. Here's your coffee. Tim. Thank you, but I am no longer thirsty. Marie. Well, that's a pretty whim, {looks at him) Bless me ! what ails you, how red you are ? Tim. Red, that's extremely fortunate. Marie. Your eyes stick out of your head and your hair stands on end. Tim (in a tone of voice causing her to recoil). Marie ! Marie! Marie. My heavens ! Tim. You don't understand 1 Marie. What? Tim. What] Marie (trembling). Yes! there's no smoke without fire. 9 Tim. {changing tone). Pour out my coffee ! Marie [laughing). Ha, ha, ha ! how funny ! Tim. (laughing). Ha, ha, ha ! You find it so ? (seats himself.) Marie. We shall see, sir. Tim. (aside). I have her secret — I will keep my own. Mai ik (pouring out coffee). Do you want it strong ? Tim (snuffing along the side of the chamber). It penetrates even here. Marie. What? Tim. I must follow this scent cautiously. Marie {raising her voice). "What? Tim. {crying out loudly). Did you suggest an idea? Mahie [raising voice still louder). I asked, did you want it strong? Tim. {in a similar tone). Yes, certainly, (Marie pours out coffee, Timo- thy checks himself) that is, not at all. Marie. Too late now, it's poured out and must be drank. Who knows but that its pleasant flavor might render you more agreeable and better suited to my taste. Tim. (drawing his chair close to her's and taking Marie by the hand). More agreeable and better suited to your taste. Tell me, dear, am I not always agreeable, and didn't you pick me out from a considerable lot ? Now, confess, then, have you not, found, somewhere or other, in this wide world, somebody or other, that you love better than you do me ? Marie To think of such a thing! Tim. (with tenderness). No, it is your husband, your devoted Timothy, that you love above all the world, and him alone. Oh ! Marie, Marie, my guardian angel, do I not speak truth ? (leans hii head upon the shoulder of Marie.) Marie. But what an idea ! Has the green-ey'd monster smiled upon you ? Have a care, sir, jealousy forbodes danger. Tim. Oh ! no, no ! jealousy is a failing I do not possess, as you very well know. Marie. So I do, (aside) and I'm sorry for it. Tim. (giving vent to a cry, while holding upon her gown, whtcn, he smells seveml times). Ah ! Marie. What's struck you now ? Tim. (aside as he rises from chair). The gown too ! the gown is con- taminated by that cigar smoke. Marie. He's decidedly out of his head. Tim. {crossing to Marie). I have no failings — that is as yet, but to please you, Marie, I'll get myself one. Marie. What say you? Tim Let me suppose — it is only supposition, mind — there are coarse individuals, who iudulge in what I detest; for instance, who adore to- bacco and perfume themselves with a cigar Marie {aside). Heavens ! Tim. i speak of a cigar as I would of anything else, because I despise and abominate it, because I have a holy horror of it, and (speaks slowly) because, on the eve of our marriage, I solemnly promised that the de- licious atmosphere of our nuptial bower should never be polluted by to- bacco's pestilential vapor ! (aside as he crosses stage) Her face is red ; her eyes are downcast, that arrow has pierced her heart, but it has rebound- ed to my brain, (wipes his forehead and crosses to Marie with deliberation.) Marie. Timothy, as you know I only love you, still I require some- thing more than your love. Tim. Marie, you indulge in a fondness, a passion Marie. You may call it a passion, if anything. Tim. Confess ! 10 THERE'S M> t>MOXE WllJluUi FIKE. Marie. Do you believe ? .< Tim. No ! but, but, I fear. Marie. Well? Tim. Finish! Marie. Should it be a real one ? Tim. Wife! Marie. Should it be stronger than my will ? Tim. Wretched woman ! Marie. Pardon me ! Tim. Never ! Marie. It is only a whim. Tim. A whim ! dating before our marriage ? Marie. No ! not more than three days ago. (Timothy makes a move- ment) Now listen, it is no crime. Tim. (aside). Nothing criminal as yet ; Heaven be praised ! Marie. Since, while you are at the bank and I am here alone, time must pass somehow, I indulge in this whim to induce the idea that I am talking with you. Tim. Frightful ! and you believe that I Marie. Would do the same as other men do, why not ? Tim. Never ! and the unworthy object of this foolish passio n Marie (interrupting). Don't get angry. Tim. I'll crush the thing beneath my heel ! Marie. Well, we'll see about that. What if I conceal the object of my secret passion. Tim. I'll expose you despite of your precautions, and out of the win- dow both of you go ! (takes her by arm.) Marie. Ah ! you would do me an injury 1 Tim. I will send for your mother, your poor but honest mother, who would never countenance a thing of this kind. Marie. Ah ! I'm not so sure about that! Tim. It is monstrous, and I will say to her : Take back your daughter, I wish nothing more to do with her. Marie. Then, sir, you will do an unworthy act. Tim. Marie! Marie. For I don't see why I, a poor little woman, fagged out by daily toil, cannot be permitted to indulge, once in the while, with a pleasure men habitually enjoy. Tim. To my very face. Marie. Now, sir, leave me; go your own way; you have unmasked your character and I henceforth snap my fingers in the face of a tyrant. Tim. This is infamous ! here is the beginning of the end of my married life, for I perceive that, whenever I am out of the way, a substitute stands ready to take my place. (Marie goes into sleeping chamber by door l.) This is the climax to my domestic felicity, the last feather breaking the married camel's back. She avows it all in perfect candor, considers it justifiable and threatens a substitute beneath my very roof, while I am stifling with anger and jealousy, (despairingly) If I had been told it would have come to this. I'll write to her mother this very instant. No I won't, I'll go to a lawyer for a divorce, (moves to take a chair, then stops short) But in the first place, how to discover the author of this in- famy ? Where does he come from, for Mrs. Jones says he's here every day in my absence. Could I only surprise her without giving her rea- son to suspect me. Where and how can it be done ? (while Timothy is looking around the room, Marie re-enters and approaches him with hat t gloves and umbrella) Marie. Here, sir, are your umbrella, hat and gloves. 11 Tim. (in a dismal tone of voice). Why have you brought these things ? Marie. Why *? is it not time for you to be at the bank, you who are notoriously punctual ? Tim. Just so. (aside) She wants to send me off. Marie. You would not like to lose your situation — our sole .ortune. Well, can't you look at me a little bit 1 {approaching affectionately) Still cross with your little Marie ? Tim. {aside). Ah ! that wheedling voice ! I'm fascinated ! Marie. Come, kiss me, cross-grain — pouting is a failing, although, upon reflection, I may say I'm not sorry for it. That is, when all's fin- ished, neither will you. Here goes, {kisses him.) Tim. {aside). She's petrified me ! she's a basilisk! Marie. Come, now go — make haste, that's a dear. Tim. I annoy her — that's clear — I'm in the way. Marie. What do you observe 1 Tim. I observe — I should be at the bank, {aside) She evidently ex- pects to meet that infamous loafer. I'll be gone, but not far off, she may bet upon it. Marie, {who has brushed his hat and placed his umbrella near the window) In the first place here's your hat. Hold, I'll put it on your head my- self. Tim. You're very kind. Marie {puts hat on his head). There — 'tis done ! Tim. Tis done! what's done? Makie. Your hat aud head, stupid. That may be another failing, but I will forgive all of yours upon condition of your forgiving mine, and then I'll try to reform, {he looks at her sharply) Here's your gloves, {gives gloves) and mind and be sure not to keep dinner waiting. Above all things, when you come back, knock loud, for when I am in there (point- ing to door l.) I don't hear anything. Tim. You want to be warned of my coming then? Marie. Certainly. Now what keeps yon ? Tim. Marie, {squeezes her hand) adieu ! [Exit, through door at back, Marie. Au revoir ! He distrusts me, certain, and I hardly dared to look him in the face. I don't know how it was, but his ideas, his sus- picions made his stay uncomfortably long. Perhaps, though, it was be- cause he sought to quarrel or to remain when I took a fancy for being alone. Well, it's all over now. {she goes to door in the back and turns keg) Now I shall indulge in my vice — I only have one aud it is so very pleas- ant, (she looks around and then draws a small cigar from her apron pocket) Here's the object of my passion ! Now quick, let me enjoy the idol of my silent hours, {she strikes a match and lights the candle on table.) Done. I tremble should Timothy catch me. He'd throw us both out of the wi dow ; he said he'd do it. {draws up chair, lights her cigar and throws out a few puffs) Agreeable ! aud why do men proscribe us this slight relaxa- tion ? {a knock at the door at back) Ah ! somebody at the door ! {knock still louder) who can that be 1 {she trembles violently.) Tim. (ou'side). Marie! Marie. My husband! what's to be done? (removes candle from table nervously but without extinguishing it ) Tim. {outside more Imdly). Marie ! it's me ! Marie.. Bless me ! where hide this tell-tale 1 {knocks ashes off the end of cigar in trepidation.) Tim. (outside passionately). Open the door, Marie! Marie. Here 1 am. (putting cigar in apron pocket). Hang it! I've Bet myself on fire. Tim. {outside knocking violently). What are you doing there! 12 there's no smoke without fire. Marie. I'm going to open the door — how impatient you are. Maiue unlocks the door, Timothy rushes past her and comes up the stage en- tirely out of breath. Tim. It took you a long time to make up your mind, {glances around him most uneasily) What were you doing? (snuffing around, then aside) Here's the scmit. Marie. I' I was putting things to rights there, in the kitchen, {she points to door at r.) Tim. All ! (dashes thrnigh door r.) Marie. What ails him now ? He's mad as a March hare. Tim. {re-entering). He's not there. Marie. What's the matter ? What are you looking for ? Tim. (angrily). You ask what I'm looking for 1 {calmly) I'm looking for my umbrella, which I left behind, (darts into chamber through door l ) Marie (laaghing). His umbrella! but it is not in our bed-chamber, no, I placed it by the window when I brought it out. Tim. (re-entering and aside). Not there, and yet Mrs. Jones said she saw him go up stairs, (snuffing) I'm on his scent. Marie. There's what you are looking after. Tim. (excitedly). Where ? Marie. There by the window, against the curtains. Tim. (rushes violently to the window). The window ! my umbrella ! you're right! just the thing I want, (throws up lower sash) There's a 6torm brewing. 9 Marie. What makes you agitated 1 Tim. «Vle, yes, no, is it possible ? (aside) Yes, yes, there is a storm brewing, (brandishes umbrella fiercely.) Marie. Have you missed the bank 1 Tim. No, I'm going there — dou't you see — I'm going there. Marie (pretending to arrange things). Have a care and don't get wet, my duck of a husband. Tim. I'll swim through it, my little gosling, (aside at door) It smells strong here. If I am deceived — the wretch ! {clinches his fist and makes hostile demonstrations.) AIarie. You here still ? Tim. I am going. Yes, we shall have a storm. [Exit, when Marie close* door sharply after Mm. Marie (takes the candlestick and lights her cigar again as she is talking}. What a fright he gave me with his umbrella ! I tremble yet. What pos- sessed him to come and disarrange me ? (throws herself in an arm-chair. smoking) This is delicious, this stolen fruit; still, while I am laughimr, I'm almost cryiug. Look how the precious clouds curl and mount into the air. Behold in the centre of that smoking wreath, the outlines of my husband's face painted in rainbow colors, (while she is speaking the loiter frame of the window is noiselessly thrown up) This diversion intoxi- cates me and I could pass hours in these dreams of airy nothingness. Timothy on the outside, his head visible through the window curtains behind the chair of Marie, and unseen by her. Tim. No ! no ! I won't knock, I'll oome in from the balcony, (puts his head into the room) Pouah ! pouah ! that villainous smell, it sticks in my throat and tickles my Dose— hum ! (in getting through the window he drops umbrella.) there's no smokf. without fire. 13 Marie. What's that ? {turns around, sees her husband, leaps from her thair and runs toward door r.) Tim. Marie ! Marie. Timothy ! {hides cigar behind her bach.) Tim. Remain here. Marie. It's scandalous to enter a room in that way. Tim. Without knocking. Oh ! yes. Want a warning, eh ? To have time to let the scoundrel fly out. Marie. What scoundrel ? Tim. The infamous wretch you receive in my absence. Marie. 17 Tim. Where is he ? Marie. But who ? Tim. Confess that I know all. Marie. About what ? Tim. Who infects this room with cigar smoke ? Marie. Oh ! you. have smelt it. I didn't think you could. Tim. I don't think, I know I smell it. Come now. {as Marie retreats from him Timothy follows her and seizes her right hand which she conceals behind her back) Zounds ! I'm burnt. Marie. Let my hand go. Tim. {raising her hand and exposing cigar). What's this 1 Marie. Pardon me ! Tim. A cigar ! Marie. Which I went out to buy this morning stealthily. This is the object of my passion, the only one I have except my love for you. So many spoke against a cigar, and so many in its favor, that curiosity prompted me to try one myself. Oh ! Timothy, I found it delightful, and see what misfortunes have been brought about from one cigar a day Tim. You smoke? Marie. Forgive me, do ! {kneels down at his feet) Tim. Don't ask my pardon, my dear little wife, it was I who had such horrible suspicions and was as jealous as a madman. Marie. Jealous ? Tim I imagined a smoker— r-your lover Marie. Suspect me ? that is a failing I don't like. Tim. {kneeling before her as she' kneels). Your forgiveness, pardon me. Marie. Let's forgive and forget and pardon each other, and as a rem- iniscence of our forgetfulness I will try to leave off smoking. Tim. Not at all, let us smoke together, I'll try to learn. Marie (takes agar from apron pocket). Here's for a first lesson. Tim. A second one ? Marie. My treat for to-morrow. Tim. Give it me. {both remain kneeling face to face as Timothy lights his cigrrr from that of- Marie) How funny, I could never bear a eie:ar before. Marie. You were wrong, T find in it comfort and consolation. Tim. You don't say so ? (swallows smoke) pow ! pow ! Marie. Draw then. Some one knocks at door. Both jump hurriedly to their feet. The knocking continues louder. Tim. Go about your business ! Mrs. J. (outside). Ah ! Mr. Tickler, home again? Marie It's Mrs. Jones. • Tim. What 7 What's wanting now? 14 THERE'S NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIEE. Mrs. J. (outside). The gentleman, the monster, you know, who 6mokes Tim. Well? Mrs. J. (outside). He's up in the third story with the single lady, you know ; they're both among the artificial flowers Tim. Let them stay among them for all I care. > Mrs. J. (outside). There's my thauks, ungrateful man ! (leaves growl- ing) An hour ago he was as fierce as a tiger, but now he bleats Jike a lamb. Tim. Thank God, she's gone ! we can smoke in peace. Marie. But the gentleman — the monster, you know 1 Tim. Nothing! I'll tell you about that some other time. Now let us imagine these cigars to be the calumet of peace, (both come forward and smoke foppishly .) Marie. You have been jealous, Timothy, of a Tim. Forgive me, Marie, I was wrong to suspect your honor without first learning the object of your secret passion Marie (interrupting and blowing a cloud). A mere puff of smoke, (kisses him. ) Tim. Nevertheless, Marie, you are forced to admi t Marie. What? Tim. There's no smoke without fire ! CURTAIN. EXPLANATION OF THE STAGE DIRECTIONS. The Actor is supposed to face the Audience. B.U.B. SCENE. / \ B.3Z. ' L. 3 k. 8.2b. ' \ I»2& / - [ B.1S. ' \ / \ «. B. is. ' c "*• . L. 0. L. ATHtfENCE. L. Left. c. Centre. L. c. Left Centre. B. Eight. - L. 1 e. Left First Entrance. B. 1 E. Eight First Entrance. L. 2 e. Left Second Entrance. B. 2e. Eight Second Entrance. L. 3 E. Left Third Entrance. k. 3e. Eight Third Entrance. Ij. V. E. Left Upper Entrance B. TJ. E. Eight Upper Entrance. (wherever this Scone may be.) r>. li. c Dour Eight Centre. o. i,. c. Door Left Centre. De Witt's Acting Plays — Continued. No. 49. The Midnight Watch. Drama. 1 Act. By John M. Morton. 8 Male, 2 Female Char- acter*. 50. The Porter's Knot. Serio-Comic Drama. 2 Acts. By John Oxenford. 8 Male, 2 Female Characters. 61. A Model for a Wife. Farce. 1 Act. By Alfred Wigan. 3 Male, 2 Female Characters. 62. A Cup of Tea. Comedietta. 1 Act. By Charles Nuitter and J Derley. 3 Male, 1 Fe- male Characters. 63. Gertrude's Money-Box. Farce. 1 Act. By Harry Lemon. 4 Male, 2 Female Characters. 64. The Young Collegian, Farce. 1 Act. By T. W. Robertson. 3 Male, 2 Female Char- acters. 65. Catherine Howard; or, The Throne, the Tomli and the Scaffold. Historic Play. 3 Acts. By W. D. Suter. 12 Male, 5 Female Characters. 66. Two Cay Deceivers; or. Black, White and Gray. Farce. 1 Act. By T. W Robert- son. 3 Male Characters. 67. Noemie. Drama. 2 Acts. By T. W. Robert- son. 4 Male, 4 Female Characters. 68. Deborah ('Leah'* ; or. The Jewish Maiden's Wronjr. Drama. 3 4cts. Br Clias. Smith Chelrnam. 7 Male, 6 Female Characters. 59. The Post-Boy. Drama. 2 Acts. By H. T. Craven. 5 Male, 3 Female Characters. 60. The Hidden Hand i or, The Gray Lady of Porth Vennon. Drama. 4 Acts. By Tom Taylor. 5 Male, 5 Female Characters. 61. Plot and Passion. Drama. 3 Acts. By Tom Taylor. 7 Male, 2 Female Characters. 62. A. Photographic Fix. Farce. 1 Act. By Frederick Hay. 3 Male, 2 Female Charac- ters. 63. Marriage at any Price. Farce. 1 Act. By J. P. Wooler. 5 Male, 3 Female Charac- ters. 64. A Household Fairy. A Domestic Sketch. 1 Act. By Francis Talfonrd. 1 Male, 1 Fe- male Characters. 65. Checkmate. Comedy Farce. 2 Acts. By Andrew Halliday. 6 Male, 5 Female Charac- ters. 66. The Orange Girl. Drama, in a Prologue aud 3 Acts. By Henry Leslie. 18 Male, 4 Fe- male Characters. The Birth-place of Podgers. Farce. 1 Act. By John Hollingsliead. 7 Male, 3 Fe- male Characters. The Chevalier de St. George. Drama. 3 Acts. ByT. W.Robertson, 9 Male, 3 Fe- male Characters. Caught by the Cuff.' Farce. 1 Act. By Frederick Hay. 4 Male, i Female Characters. The Bonnie Fish Wife. Fatce. 1 Act. By Charles Selby. 3 Mile, 1 Female Characters. Doing for the Best. Domestic Drama. 2 Acts. By M. UaphinoLacy. 5 Male, 3 Female Characters. A Lamp Excuse. Farce. 1 Act. By Fred- erick Hay. 4 Male, 2 Female Characters. Fettered. D-ama. 3 Acts. By Watts Phil- lips. 1L Male, 4 Female Characters. The ftarriek Fever. Farce. 1 Act. By J. R. Planche. 7 Male, 4 Female Characters. Adrienne. Drama 3 Acts. 7 Male, 3 Female Characters. Chops of the Channel. 1 Act. By Frederick Hay. Characters. The Boll of the Drum. By Thomas Egerton Wilks. Characters. Special Performances. Farce. 1 Act. By Wilmot Harrison. 7 Male, 3 Female Char- acters. A Sheep in 'Wolfs Clothing. Domestic Diama. 1 Ac t. By Turn Ta. ii> . 7 Male, 5 Female Charaete-s. B> Henry Leslie. Nautical Farce. 3 Male, 2 Female Drama. 3 Acts. 8 Male, 4 Female No. 80. A Charming Pair. Farce. 1 Act. By Thomas J. Williams. 4 Male, 3 Female Char- acters. 81. Vandyke Brown. Farce. 1 Act. By A. C. Troughton. 3 Male, 3 Female Cr. tvra -ters. 82. Peep o' Day ; or, Savourneen Dheelish. (New Drury Lane Version.) Irish Drama. 4 Acts. By Kdmund Falconer. 12 Male, 4 Fe- male Characters. 83. Thrice Married. Personation Piece. 1 Act. By Howard Paul. 6 Male, 1 Female Characters. 84. IVot Guilty. Drama. 4 Acts. By Watts Phillips. 10 Male, 6 Female Characters. 85. Locked in with a Lady. Sketch from Life. By H. R. Addison. 1 Male, 1 Female •haracters. 86. The Lady of "Lyons j or, Love and Pride. iThe Fechter Version.) Play. 5 Acts. By Lord L\tton. 10 Male, 3 Female Characters. 87. Locked Out. Comic Scene. 1 Act. By Howard Paul. 1 Male, 1 Female Gharac ters. 88. Founded on Facts- Farce. 1 Act. By J.P Wooler. 4 Male, 2 Female ''li ir icters. 89. Aunt Charlotte's Maid. Farce. 1 Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 Male, 3 Female Charac- ters. 90. Only a Halfpenny. Farce. 1 Act. P.y John Oxenford. 2 Male, 3 Female Characters. 91. Walpole; or, Every Man has his Price. Comedy in Rhyme. 3 Acts. By Lord Lytton 7 Male. 2 Female Characters. 92. My -Wife's Out. Farce. 1 Act. By G. Herbert Kod well. 2 Male, 3 Female Characters. 93. The Area Belle. Farce. 1 Act. By William Brough and Andrew Halliday. 3 Male, 2 Fe- male Characters. 94. Our Clerks ; or. No. 3 Fig Tree Court Tem- ple. Farce. 1 Act. 7 Male, 5 Female Char- acters. 93. The Pretty Horse Breaker. Fare*. 1 Act. By William Brough and Andrew Halli- day. 3 Male, 10 Female Characters. 96. Dearest Mamma. Comedietta. 1 Act. By Walter Gordon. 4 Male, 3 Female Charac- ters. 97. Orange Blossoms. Comedietta, I Act. By J. P. "Wooler. 3 Male, 3 Female Characters. 98. Who is Who? or, All in a Fog. Farce. lAct. By Thomas J. Williams, 3 Male, 2 Fe- male Characters. 99. The Fifth Wheel, Comedy. 3 Acts. 10 Male, 2 Female Characters. 100. Jack Long ; or, The Shot in the Bye. Drama. 2 Acts. By J. B.Johnstone, 5 Male, 1 Female Characters. 101. Fernande. Drama. 3 Act*. By Victorian Sardou. 1 1 Male, 10 Female Characters. 102 Foiled. Drama. 4 Acts. By 0. W. Cornish— 8 :>;ale, J Female Characters 103. Faust ond Margucritte. Drama. 3 Acts. Ty V. W. Robertson, y Male, 7 Female Characters. 104. No Hume. Drama. 4 Acts. By Wilkle Col- lins. 7 Male, 5 Female Characters 105. Which Of tho Two. Comedietta. 1 Act By John M Morton. 2 Male, 10 Female Charaoter, 106. Up for the Cattle Show. Faroe. lAct By ilarry Lemon. Male, 2 Female Characters 107. Cupboard Love. Farce. 1 Act. By Fred- crick Hay. 2 Male, 1 Female Characters 108. Mr. t'crogx Ins. Farce. lAct. ByWiBiam Hancock, a Male , '■> Tonale Characters 108. Lo< k« d In. Comedietta. 1 Act. By J. P. Cooler. 5s MaVe, 3 Female Characters 110. PoppletonN Predicaments. Farce. 1 Act. By Charles M.Rae. 3 Male, 6 Female Char- octets 111. The Liar. Comedy. 2 Acts. By SamlFopto. Altered and adi and 2 Female i De Witt's Acting P library of congress No 112. Sot u Kit Jeiilou*. A Fane,ln 1 Act. By T. W. Robertson. 3 Male, A Female characters 1 13. Cyril's Success. Comedy, in 5 Acts. By K. J. Byron. 9 Male, 5 Female characters. 114. Anything for a Change. Petite Comedy, in 1 Act. By Shirley Brooks. 3 Male,? Fe- rn;) lo characters. 115. New Men and Old Acres. Comedy,in;; Acts. By Tern Taylor. 8 Male, 5 Female char- acters. 116. I'm net Mesllf at all. An Original Irish btew. l>y C. A. Maltby. 3 Male, 2 Female characters 1 17. Not Such a Fool as he Looks. Farcical Drama, in 3 Acts. By H. J. Byron. 5 Male, 4 I cmale characters. 1 |R. Wanted, a Young Lady. Farce, In 1 Act. By W.E. Suter. 3 Male characters. 119. A Life Chase. Drama, in 5 Acts. By John Oxenford. 14 Male, 5 Female characters 120. A Tempest In a lea Pot. Petite Comedy, in 1 Act. By Thomas Picton. 2 Male, 1 Fe- male characters 121. A Comical Counters. Farce,in 1 Act. By William Brough. A Male, 1 Female characters 122. Isahella Orsinl. Romantic Drama, in 4 Acts- By S. H. Mosenthal. 1 1 Male, 4 Female charac- ters 123. The Two Poets. Farce. By John Court- nay. 4 Male, 4 Female characters 124. The Volunteer Review. A Farce. By Thomas J. Williams, Esq. 6 Male, b Female characters 1.5. Deerfoot. Farce, in I Act. By F. C. Bur- na:id, Esq. a Male, 1 Female characters 126. Twice Killed. Farce. By John Oxenford.— 6 Male, 3 Female characters 127. Peggy Green. Farce. By Charles Selby,— 3 Male, 10 Female characters 128. The Female Detective. Origina 1 Dramai in 3 Acts. By C. II. Hazlewood, 11 Male,4 Female charaters 129. In lor o Holiday. Farce, in 1 Act. By F. C. Burimnd, Es