DA 68 ILIBRARY OF CONGRESS. # # • I I UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. ^ SKETCH OF THE LIFE CAPTAIN HEDLEY VICARS. ^hxtb^z^ from t^t 9'^moix. By rev. T. N. HASKELL. PUBLISHED BY THE AMERICAN TRACT SOCIETY, 28 CoRNHiLL, Boston. TO SOLDIERS. -GOOD ADVICE. The following good advice to volunteers is given by ''An Old Soldier." 1. Kemeniber that in a campaign more men die from sickness than by the bullet. 2. Line your blanket Avith one thickness of brown drilling. This adds but four ounces in ■weight, and doubles the Avarmth. 3. Buy a small India rubber blanket (only $1.50) to lay on the ground, or to throw over your shoul- ders -when on guard duty during a rain storm. Most of the eastern troops are provided -with these. Straw to lie upon is not always to be had. 4. Tlie best military hat in use is the light col- ored soft felt, the crown being suiEciently high to allow space for air over the brain. You can fasten it up as a continental in foir weather, or turn it down when it is wet or very sunny. 5. Let your bcaid grow, so as to protect the throat and hmgs. 6. Keep your entire person clean ; this prevents fevers and bowel complaints in warm climates. Wash your body each day, if possible. Avoid strong coffee and oily meat. General Scott said that the too free use of these (together with neg- lect in keeping the skin clean) cost many a soldier his life in ^lexico. 7. A sudden check of perspiration by chilly or night air often causes fever and death. When thus exposed, do not forget your blanket. f PREFACE The United States Soldier will be inter- ested in this brief memoir of the young, valiant, and pious Vicars. Although a Brit- ish officer, his example is worthy of imita- tion by the true soldier in any land, and especially in America. The " mother coun- try " is our copartner in the advancement of an evangelical civilization ; and any public life in one is in som.e respects the property of both. The following pages are an abridg- ment of a larger Avork, published by Messrs. Carter & Brothers, and are gathered, (from what was wholly interesting,) that in this compact form they may be more readily cir- culated in the army. Praying that the me- moir may increase the moral courage and promote the spiritual w^elfare of our soldiers in the present crisis of our beloved country, the compiler sends it forth on its mission. T. N. H. CONTENTS CHAPTER PAGE I. Boyhood 5 II. The Awakening 12 III. Conversion 16 IV. Diary 34 V. Home 45 VI. War and the Hospital 57 VII. Winter before Sebastopol 76 VIII. The Day-star rises 85 IX. Victory and Death 88 (4) SKETCH. BOYHOOD. Hedley S. J. Vicars was born in the Mauritius, December 7, 1826. He was of the family of Don Vicaro, a Spanish cavalier who came to England in the suite of Cath- arine of Arragon, and settled in Ireland early in the sixteenth century. When he was twelve years old, his father's dying hand was laid upon his head, with the earnest prayer "that he might be a good soldier of Jesus Christ, and so fight man- fully under his banner as to glorify his holy name." From this time Hedley's love for his mother gradually deepened into that peculiar form of protecting tenderness which seems (5) 6 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. the prerogative of a widow's son, and there grew up with his growth an almost feminine gentleness and a sensitive regard for the feelings of others, which, combined with sin- gular strength and steadfastness of charac- ter, rendered the friendship of his matured manhood so precious to those who had the privilege of enjoying it. He did not love study, and his habits in this respect, while at school at Woolwich, prevented him from acquiring the distinc- tion necessary to secure a commission in the Engineers or Artillery. This was seri- ously regretted by him in after life, not alone because he thus deprived himself of a more advantageous branch of the service, but also on account of time wasted, which had been given him so to use that he might finally render his account of it w ith joy. In the spring of 1844, he commenced his military career by joining the depot of the 97th regiment in the Isle of Wight. He was an ardent lover of his profession, and from first to last was devoted to its duties. BOYHOOD. In writing to his mother an account of his first review, with its fatigues of marching, skirmishing, and firing, he adds, with boyish pride, " But my zeal for the service kept me up." In the autumn of that year he returned home to take leave of his family. His eld- est sister well remembers his joyous bearing as he first exhibited himself to them in the queen's uniform, and her own admiration of the bright, intelligent countenance, broad shoulders, and well-knit, athletic figure of her young soldier-brother. A few weeks afterward he sailed for Corfu, — now fairly launched in the world, and in a profession beset with temptations. He had a pleasant and prosperous voyage out, with his usual activity lending a help- ing hand to the sailors in the work of the ship, and winning their hearts by his genial manners. His letters to his family were now less frequent than ever before or after- ward, and at this period of his life his reck- less disposition often led him into scenes of LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. wliicli his conscience disapproved, and to excesses which, though never matured into habits, and, by the grace of God, early and for ever abandoned, were afterward the subject of bitter and humiliating remem- brance. In reference to this he wrote to a young friend in 1854, " You will be spared poignant remorse in after years by remem- bering your Creator in the days of your youth. I speak from heartfelt experience. I would give worlds, if I had them, to undo what I have done." Again he writes to his mother, " I see it all now. It is I that have caused your ill- ness, my darling mother. Ever since the receipt of your last letter I have been in a dreadful state of mind. I feel that I deserve God's severest punishment for my undutiful conduct toward the fondest of mothers ; but the excruciating thought had never before occurred to me that he might think fit to remove her from me. Oh, what agony I have endured ! what sleepless nights I have passed since the perusal of that letter ! The BOYHOOD. review of my past life, especially the retro- spect of the last two years, has at last quite startled me, and at the same time disgusted me. You will now see the surest sign of repentance in my future conduct ; and be- lieve me, that never, as far as in me lies, shall another moment's anxiety be caused you by your dutiful and now rej^entant son." In the depth of his penitence for his er- rors toward an earthly parent — called forth by the patient bearing of her forgiv- ing love — do we not see the foreshadowing of that prostration of soul with which he humbled himself, when once the kindness and long-suffering of his God and Saviour were manifested to him in the fullness of redeeming love ? And thus it was first through the raising of his moral nature, by means of the holiest affections of man's heart, that he was eventually, after many a fall and rising again, to be drawn up into the higher life of fellowship with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. 10 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. The depth and tenderness of his feelings at this time are well spoken again in the fol- loAving letter to his mother : — " My darling Mother : I do love you, and that fondly, although I have often (and may God Almighty forgive me !) rebelled against your wishes. " Mother, I ask your forgiveness for what has passed. You know not what real an- guish some of your letters have caused me ; and although I have tried to drown the voice of conscience, after reading them, a still small voice has always been whisper- ing in my ear, and kept me from commit- ting many a sin. * * * " In writing, at the same time, to his sister, he alludes to forebodings of an early death occasionally coming across him, and wishes he were " prepared." " I am no coward, but the thought of death is solemn, and the idea of dying far away from home, with no fond mother or BOYHOOD. 11 sister to give me comfort in my last mo- ments, is sad enough. Yet I hope the effect of these reflections is wholesome, and will make me consider seriously whether I am fit to die." About this time, in a letter to one of his sisters, he says, — "You did not mean to give me pain, dearest Mary ; but in the same letter in which you tell me of my mother's illness, why did you remind me of those strange huffs in which I used to indulge, which may well make a son ashamed as he re- members them ? * * * " Give my tender love to my darling mother, and tell her I received a lock of her hair and another of yours, and am going to get a small locket for each of them, and shall wear them round my neck as a talisman. Darling Mary, I think more of those two locks of hair than of any thing else in my possession." 12 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. II. THE A\VAKENINa. During the year 1850 a more serious tone began to be discernible in his letters ; a longing for something higher than he had hitherto reached — a conviction of sin before God, " sin worthy of eternal punishment," with a desire to " enter on a state of pre- paredness for death and eternity." But his condition is that of one wandering in a lab- yrinth, and the clew to the way home is not yet found. He feels the force of tempta- tion, laments the dread of his companions' ridicule, and confesses his own utter inabil- ity to turn to God, whilst entreating his mother's prayers that the Holy Spiiit may be poured out upon him. We have now come to the close of his life of general recklessness, checkered, and of late frequently, with strong religious im- THE AWAKENING. 13 pressions — convictions of sin, which re- sulted in vigorous though short-lived efforts at reform. Of this portion of his life, a valued friend of his, then belonging to the 97th, has lately written the following short notice : — " From the first day I saw Vicars at Zante, in 1846, 1 was struck with his manly air, and the peculiar, open truthfulness of his eye. He was at this time quite taken up with the gayeties of the island. We quitted for Malta, whence, in 1848, w^e sailed for Jamaica. During the voyage he used to dress as a sailor, and delight in making himself useful to the crew. In Jamaica he had the advantages of attend- ing an excellent ministry, and of witnessing the beauty of consistent religious character in the family of Dr. M'llree, the surgeon of the 97th, Avhich had their effect upon him. But this all passed away on his being withdrawn from these influences, by being ordered to the Lowlands to sit on 14 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. court-martial, where lie was again led away by unavoidable association with ungodly companions. At this time, as I afterward heard from his own lips, he totally neglected prayer and the reading of the Bible, and consequently lost the power of resisting temptation. A long period elapsed before a second conviction arose, and this appeared to be sudden, and lasted till he left Jamaica. He frequently came to me for prayer and, the study of the Scriptures, either at my own quarters or at a brother officer's." The 97th left Jamaica for Halifax, Nova Scotia, in June, 1851. Almost immediately after landing, he was ordered to Canada, to take charge of volunteers for a regiment there. It was in the autumn of this year that he visited the Falls of Niagara, and his journal is written with deep and enthusiastic delight, describing his increasing excitement from the moment when he first distinguished the distant roar of the waters to that which '•^filled him with sublime and awful joy THE AAVAKENING. 15 wlieu they first broke upon his sight." He expresses his belief that no one could be an atheist whilst beholding the majestic power of God as displayed in the stupenduous mag- nificence of those Falls ; and while return- ing day after day to refresh and solemnize his spirit there, he realizes with i^enewed earnestness the sinfulness of wasting life in a mere search after pleasure, and is im- pressed with the importance of having a fixed aim of sufficient strength to be a lever to his life. Self-interest, he has found, even when calculated upon with the reckoning of eternity, is not strong enough at all times to raise a man above the dominion of his own inclinations. He knew not yet " the expul- sive power of a new affection," for he had not learned to say, " The love of Christ con- straineth me." 16 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. III. CONVERSION. " To be awakened,'^ writes one who well knew the difference between convictions and conversion^ "you need to know your own heart. To be saved, you need to know the heart of God and of Christ." Hitherto Hedley Vicars had been the subject only of the aivahening work of the Spirit. In later days, when he looked back on that period of his life, he distinctly stated, " I was not then converted to GodP He was seeking, but he had not found, " the grace of life." Thank God ! there is no such ask- ing eye directed upward, to which he does not, sooner or later, " reveal his Son." After all his anxious alarms, which had resulted in efforts succeeded by failures, he was now to be tau2;ht that the streno-th to CONVERSION. 17 persevere would be found, when the God of hope should have "filled him with all joy and peace in believing ; " and that he was to continue " diligent to be found of him in peace,'' as the one way of being " without spot and blameless." It was in the month of November, 1851, that while awaiting the return of a brother officer to his room, he idly turned over the leaves of a Bible which lay on the table. The words caught his eye, " The blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin." Closing the book, he said, " If this be true for me, henceforth I will live, by the grace of God, as a man should live who has been washed in the blood of Jesus Christ." That night he scarcely slept, pondering in his heart whether it were presumptuous or not to claim an interest in those words. During those wakeful hours he was watched, we can not doubt, with deep and loving in- terest, by One who never slumbereth nor sleepeth ; and it was said of him in heaven, " Behold, he prayeth." 2 18 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. In answer to those prayers, he was ena- bled to believe, as he arose in the morning, that the message of peace was " true for him," — "a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation." " Th6 past," he said, " then, is blotted out. What I have to do is, to go forward. I can not return to the sins from which my Saviour has cleansed me with his own blood." On the morning which succeeded that memorable night, he bought a large Bible, and placed it open on the table in his sit- ting room, determining that " an open Bi- ble " for the future should be " his colors." " It was to speak for me," he said, " before I was strong enough to speak for myself." His friends came as usual to his rooms, and did not altogether fancy the new colors. One remarked that he had " turned Meth- odist," and, w^tli a shrug, retreated. An- other ventured on the bolder measure of warning him not to become a hypocrite : " Bad as you were, I never thought you would come to this, old fellow." So, for CONVERSION. 19 the most part, for a time his quarters were deserted by his late companions. During six or seven months he had to encounter no slight opposition at mess, "and had hard work," as he said, " to stand his ground." But the promise did not fail, " The right- eous shall hold on his way, and he that hath clean hands shall wax stronger and stronger." All this time he found great comfort in the society of a few brother officers who were walking with God, but especially in the faithful preaching of the gospel of Jesus Christ by Dr. Twining, garrison chaplain at Halifax, and in the personal friendship of that man of God, which he enjoyed uninter- ruptedly from that time until the day of his deatli. Under so deep an obligation did he consider himself to Dr. Twining, that he frequently referred to him as his spiritual father ; and to his scriptural preaching and teaching, and blessed example of " walking with God," may doubtless be traced, under the mighty working of the Holy Spirit, those 20 LIFE OF IIEDLEY VICARS. clear and happy views of religion, and that consistency and holiness of life, which suc- ceeded his conversion. We learn, from a letter recently quoted,* that from this time his Conversation grew daily more deeply spiritual, and that he lost no opportunity of attending every public service in Dr. Twining's church, and his Bible classes for officers, soldiers, and those in hospital. His rapid growth in knowledge and grace is mainly attributed to the instruc- tion and profit gained at these classes, by a senior officer in the 97th, whose friendship he deeply valued.f A heart so large and loving by nature as that of Hedley Vicars can scarcely accept the open invitation to come to Jesus for par- don, peace, and eternal life, without giving him an immediate response to the injunc- tion, " Let him that heareth say, Come." Accordingly he began to teach in a Sabbath * From Charles Cay, Esq., aBsistant surgeon, Cold- stream Guards, late of the 97th. t Lieutenant Colonel Ingram. CONVERSION. 21 school, to visit tlie sick, and to take every opportunity of reading the Scriptures and praying with the men singly. Of three of these, whom he describes as "once great sinners, nearly as bad as myself," he could soon say confidently that they had followed him in turning to God. At the same time he was also the means of awakening some of his brother officers to make the earnest inquiry, " What must I do to be saved ? " " As he felt he had been much forgiven," writes the friend before alluded to, " so in proportion was the ever-burning and in- creasing love to Him whom he had so long grieved by his sins. Much grace was given him to confess Jesus boldly before others ; and when he was adjutant, his example and his rehuhes to the men for swearing carried great weight, and showed his zeal for the honor of God." The adjutancy of his regiment was offered to him by his colonel, in the spring of that year, (1852,) with these flattering words : " Vicars, you are the man I can best trust 22 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. with responsibility." This appointment ap- pears to have given universal satisfaction amongst officers and men, although one of the officers remarked, jestingly, " He won't do for it — he is too conscientious." This conscientiousness was not only evinced in his military, but also in his pri- vate life. Every amusement which he found to be injurious in its effect on his spiritual condition, was cheerfully relin- quished. In a letter to his eldest sister, he inquires her opinion of balls and other pub- lic entertainments, and adds, " I have of late refused every invitation to such amuse- ments, on finding they made me less earnest and thoughtful, and indisposed me for read- ing and prayer." We find his growth in grace indicated in the following letter : — To Miss Vicars. ''April 29, 1852. " 1,Iy darling Mary : I am going on much in the same manner as usual, with CONVEKSION. 23 nothing to disturb the even tenor of my way. But no ; I must correct myself here, for I trust that I have really turned over a new leaf, and that my heart is gradually but surely undergoing a purifying process. "I have been figliting hard against rin. I mean, not only what the world under- stands by that term, but against the power of it in my heart ; the conflict has been severe — it is so still ; but I trust, by the help of God, that I shall finally obtain the mastery. What I pray for most constantly is, that I may be enabled to see more clear- ly the wicked state of my heart by nature, and thus to feel my greater need of an Al- mighty Saviour. You can not imagine what doubts and torments assail my mind at times, how torn and harassed I am by sinful thoughts and want of faith. " You, Mary, can never experience my feelings, for you know not in what a sinful state my life has been passed. Well may I call myself ' the chief of sinners.' I some- times even add to my sins, by doubting the 24 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. efficacy of Christ's atonement, and the cleansing power of his precious blood to wash away my sins. Oh that I could re- alize to myself more fully that his blood ' cleanseth us from all sin ! ' " I was always foremost and daring enough in sin. Would that I could show the same spirit in the cause of religion ; would that I felt as little fear of being called and thought to be a Christian as I used to feel of being enlisted against Chris- tianity. ' Am I a soldier of the Cross, A follower of the Lamb, And shall I fear to own his cause, Or blush to speak his name ? ' " I trust I am beginning to see and feel the folly and vanity of the world and all its pleasures, and that I have at length entered the strait gate, and am traveling the narrow road that leadeth unto eternal life. Let us not trust in our own righteousness, which is but as ' filthy rags,' but let us trust entirely in the merits and blood of our blessed Sa- CONVERSION. 25 viour. I never can sufficiently show my gratitude to God, who has shown such long- sufFering forbearance toward me, — who has spared me through so many scenes of sin and folly. " I am sorry to say that poor Lieutenant J is in a very precarious state ; even if he recovers, he will never have the use of his leg. I go sometimes to sit with him, and endeavor to bring to his mind the things which belong to his everlasting peace. He said to me one day, ' Vicars, tell me, do you really feel happier 7iow than you did ? ' Poor fellow ! he is in a very desponding state of mind. " I generally spend four or five hours each day, when not on duty, in reading the Bible, and meditation and prayer, and take a walk every afternoon for a couple of hours. " Pray for me, and believe me, I never tbrget to pray for you all. How little we do to show our love for that Saviour who agonized on the cross for our sakes ! 26 LIFE OF HEDLEY TICARS. ' Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast, Save in the cross of Christ my God ; All the vain things that charm me most, I sacrifice them to his blood.' " Adieu, my dearest Maiy ; and always remember me as " Your affectionate and attached brother, " Hedley." To his brother he writes, — "il/ay 13, 1852. "We all have our temjDtations, and in scarcely any profession could they more beset the Christian beginner than in the army. " But let us remember, whatever be our calling, God has promised that we shall not be tempted above that we are able to bear. Only let us feel that we are unable of oui*- selves to resist evil, or to do any thing good; let us look to Christ, and trust in him alone, and take up our cross and follow him. " You will, perhaps, be surprised, as you read this letter, at the change which has come over me. Yes, I believe and feel that CONVERSION. 27 I am a changed man ; that I have taken the important step of declaring on whose side I will be. Oh that I could persuade you to enroll yourself with me on the side of Jesus Christ ! " As Newton says, ' I know what the world can do, and what it can not do.' It can not give or take away that peace of God which passeth all understanding. It can not soothe the wounded conscience, nor enable us to meet death with comfort. I have tried both services. For twenty-four years have I lived under the thralldom of sin, led by the devil. None need despair of being wel- comed by the Saviour when he has par- doned and brought to repentance such a sinner as I have been. The retrospect of my past life is now miserable to me ; yet before I was taught by the Spirit of God, I thought and called it a life o^ pleasure. The very name, when applied to sin, now makes my heart sicken. Even then I never could enjoy recalling the occupations of each day ; and think you my conscience was quiet ? 28 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. No, though again and again I stifled it, as too many do. Bitter experience has taught me that ' there is no peace to the wicked.' Blessed be God, I know now that I am par- doned and reconciled to God, through the death of his Son. How happy is the Chris- tian's life when he has this assurance ! " A letter, dated June 23, 1852, indicates his steady progress in the new course : — " My darling Mother : If you look out you will probably see my name in the Gazette in a fortnight or so, as the colonel sends the recommendation home by this mail. My worldly prospects will soon be considerably improved. What reason I have to be thankful to Him who, notwith- standing my utter unworthiness, has been so kind and merciful to me ! Oh that I felt more love and gratitude to him ! I trust, my dear mother, that in the performance of the arduous duties of an adjutant, I may never neglect the more important duties of a Christian, and that I may do all to the CONVERSION. 29 glory of God. How amply shall I be re- paid if even one of my fellow-soldiers is brought by my example and advice, as a means in the hand of God, to a saving knowledge of his mercies in Christ. I must be prepared to meet with much discourage- ment from ignorance and hardness of heart, but I will endeavor to do my duty and leave the issue to God, remembering the words — * Paul may plant, and Apollos water, but it is God alone who giveth the increase.' " Poor J 's leg was amputated above the knee on Saturday. He is now getting on well, poor fellow. I am delighted to say I firmly believe that his suffering illness has, through the blessing of God, been made the means of the conversion of his immortal soul. " Four or five of my brother ofiicers at- tend Dr. Twining's Bible class. One of them has, I trust, been truly converted. He was, like myself, about the last in the regiment one would ever have thought like- ly to become religious ; but God's ways are 30 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. not as our ways, nor his thoughts as our thoughts. I trust his example may do much good. It is grievous to see how lit- tle regard men pay to the salvation of their never-dying souls. But I must ever re- member that I was once like them, and worse ; and that it is only through the grace of God that I am now different." The same earnest tone pervades all his letters during the remainder of his residence in Nova Scotia. We find allusions to con- flicts and difficulties in overcoming tempta- tions and establishing a new course of life. " But I know it must be done, and in God's strength it shall be," is ever the conclusion. Newton's " Cardiphonia " was a book which at this time afforded him much help and consolation : — " Do send for it, if you have never yet read it. I get great comfort from his let- ters, for they show that every believer is exposed to the same temptations and trials, CONVERSION. 31 in a greater or less degree, and that his life is one of continual warfare. Does not even St. Paul tell us that he had a constant con- flict of conscience against inclination, of the desire to do right against the promptings of evil?" Extracts from a letter written by Dr. Twining to Captain Vicars' eldest sister, upon receiving the intelligence of his death, may find a place most appropriately here, as they give a sketch of this period of his life : — "Halifax, May 21, 1855. " When I first knew Captain Vicars he was 'walking according to the course of this world.' He had, as he told me, been under strong convictions in the AYest Indies, and attended religious meet- ings ; but trusting in his own resolutions, and not in the Saviour's strength, he had fallen again under the power of temptation. There was something very attractive in his appearance, and I asked him to meet with a LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. few officers and others at my house to join in reading the Scriptures, conversation, and prayer. He came at once, and never failed to attend regularly. It was soon evident that he took a deep interest in the matter. He became a teacher in my Sunday school, and attended a Bible class which I had es- tablished on Sunday evening for soldiers, and another during the week for soldiers' wives ; this he did to encourage the men and women of his regiment to come. He and Mr. Nash always spent Sunday even- ing at my house, as they never dined at the regimental mess on that day. He told me of all his trials, and we often knelt together in my little study, laying them all open be- fore a throne of grace. It was evident, as time passed on, that he was growing in knowledge, in grace, in consistency, in firm- ness, in Christian experience. " His was a lovely character ; it was im- possible to know him and not love him ; every creature about my house did love him. He had to suffer a fiery persecution CONVERSION. 33 from some of the officers of his regiment. The Lord saw that it was best, and made it a means of strengthening and confirming him in the faith. " He took part in all efforts amongst us in the Redeemer's cause to win souls to him. For example, the Naval and Mili- tary Bible Society, City Missions, on the plan of those at home, and a society for giving the Scriptures in their own language to the Mic-mac Indians — the aborigines of this country. Of these societies he was a member, and his memory is now warmly cherished by those with whom he was a fellow-laborer in these causes." 3 34 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICAKS. IV. DIARY. From his diary, kept daily with con- scientious regularity and faithfulness, wfi give the following brief extracts : — v^;:,. ^'July 3c?, 1852.— Rode out to visit Brunt, a poor ordnance laborer. Read and prayed with him for nearly an hour. He appeal's to be very ill; but all his hopes are. fixed on Christ. -..cif^^^^i^^yy^:^,. " Sunday, Ath. — Read a chapter of Bo- gatsky this morning. Unrefreshed after morning prayer. Instructed my class at the Sunday school. Thoughts wandering during divine service. Read and prayed with Corporal Cranny, 42d regiment, for nearly an hour. A bright specimen of a dying Christian. There were eighteen of us at Dr. Twininsr's class in the eveninof. DIARY. 35 " 6^/^. — Engaged at orderly-room work, and rubbing-up drill. My mind more at peace than it is generally. I was with Jones for a short time in the evening. I told him I had been to see Cranny and Brunt. I am afraid I did so with the idea that I should be thought well of. I must strive much against self-righteousness. Let me always endeavor to feel that, having done all, I am but an unprofitable servant. " ^th. — Awoke sleepy and dull, but after prayer felt much happier. Lost my temper once or twice with the men. I feel I am unable of myself to do any thing aright. Read Luke 15 : with Cranny, and prayed. Afterward read and prayed with Brunt. In the evening I became unhappy from thoughts of all my former sins. " 11th.-— In a very happy state of mind after prayer ; still the merest trifles distract my mind. I attended the temperance meet- ing in iXiQ, evening, when I was delighted to see about sixty soldiers of the 97th. I wish the whole regiment would join. 36 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. " 18th. — AYent to the Sunday school. In the evening we had sixteen officers and men at the class in the hospital. Went to church afterward. Text — ' Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit with- in me.' Oh, do thou grant me this for Jesus Christ's sake. " 2Qth. — Spoke to Hylyard and two others this morning about religion. I believe Hylyard to be truly converted. He was with poor Brunt last night. He could not speak. He is probably dead now, poor fellow ! If so, I trust that his soul is now with the 'spirits of just men made perfect.' " 2Sth. — Was preserved, iii answer to my prayer, from an evil temper at drill. Oh, my God, grant it may always be so ! Read and prayed with poor Brunt. Four of the 97th soldiers came in, and sat down. I have great hopes of all. I was enabled to speak to them pretty freely. ^'August 24:th. — My mind more composed to-day than usual. I must have a regular DIARY. 37 system of reading the Scriptures every day. Psalm in the morning, Gospel in the after- noon, and Epistle in the evening. Did wrong in the evening in laughing at poor . I must give up teasing him, for it is un- Christian-like. O God, give me thy Holy Spirit to enable me to overcome this habit ! " 26^/^. — I begin to see more clearly every day the depravity of my heart. I would that I could do two things — never speak about myself, and never speak evil of any one. " 21th. — Have had happy thoughts of Christ to-day. Oh, what cause have I to love him ! O God, I would devote myself to thee for ever ! I want chiefly grace to look out of myself, to look to Christ alone. The missionary M' Gordon came to me in the evening. He is a very good man. " ^Oth. — Had thoughts of unbelief this morning. Spoke to Langford and Wilcox ; hope what I said to them may prove, througli God's Ijlessing, of some good. I 38 LIFE OF HEDLEY VIOAKS. feel that pride is one of my most besetting sins. Oh that I had a humble spirit ! O God, undeserving as I am, grant me more of thy Holy Spirit ! " September 2d. — I hate just come from seeing poor Brunt's corpse. I went there to read with him, and found him in his coffin. Oh, how my heart smote me ! It is ten days since I last read with him. For- give me, my God, this, and give me thy Holy Spirit to sanctify me more and more for thy service. '•''October 19^A. — Got up at half-past six. Grievously distressed with thoughts of my great sins. O God, th#w art of purer eyes than to behold my iniquity ; yet for thy dear Son's sake forgive me ail my sins. " 2^th. — Remained in bed till eight o'clock. Must give up this slothfulness. Had not time to read my chapter till twelve o'clock, all owing to love of sleep. At mess scarce- ly any thoughts of Jesus ; slight symptoms of a desire to return to flie world and sin. " November hth. — Rose at seven o'clock. CtAllY.- ■ 39 Would that I could fix my waking tlioiiglits on Jesus ! How few are the moments I think of him to those in which I forget him ! Walked with Desmond and Nash. Kirkby wrote me a letter thanking me for bringing him back to trust in Jesus. He talks of his sins. Little does he know the sinner he talks to. " Ibth. — Received the reports of the Mic-mac Missionary Society ; rathei* proud at seeing my name in the list of subscri- bers. When shall I conquer this detesta- ble pride ? " 1 Qth. — At the class offered up a few ejaculatory prayers to Him who seeth in secret. Walked out with Dr. Twining — spoke very profitably together about our precious Saviour. I told him what just came into my mind, namely, that I lost at Corfu the Bible my mother gave me about seven years ago, and after being about five years without any, I purchased a small one at Jamaica, I think, but of so indistinct a print that I could scarcely read it. I cer- 40 LIFE OF IIEDLEY VICARS. tainly rarely did. O God, may I redeem tlie time that may yet be left me. I shall keep my diary in another book to-morrow, and make out a few rules to go by." Winter. "Rise every morning at seven o'clock. Meditate on a text whilst dressing. From eight to nine, read a chapter in the Old Testament, and prayer. From nine to ten, breakfast, and read newspaper, or any light book, carefully avoiding novels. From ten to one, orderly-room work. From one to half past two, a chapter in the Gospels, and prayer. From half past two to four, orderly- room woik. Fi'om four to six, exercise, vis- iting sick people, &c. Offer up a short prayer, before going to mess, that God would keep me from temptation. After dinner, oifer up a prayer to God first ; then read books of general interest ; and give an hour to my Bible and prayer before going to bed ; and, oh, I beseech thee, my heav- enly Father, to enable me thus to devote DIARY. 41 the remainder of my days to tlice ! May my motto be, ' Not slothful in business, but fervent in spirit, serving the Lord.' " " November l^th. — Rose at seven o'clock. Meditated, whilst dressing, on ' Ye must be born again.' Oh, how happy I am when I can fix my thoughts on Jesus ! Much en- gaged during the day in orderly-room work. In the afternoon spoke, for a short time, to Hylyard. Whilst on my way to the mess, thought on that text, 'There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.' During dinner, rather too much given to levity. Gave a dollar to a district charity. I do not know that I gave it in a right spirit. I know I look too much to what the world may say of me if I do not give. Oh that I may do all tilings with a single eye. to the glory of God. Evening prayer distracted. Oh that I could shut out the M^orld ! that I could banish my own evil heart when at 42 LIFE OF BHEDtEY VICARS. prayer! How sweet would then, be my communion vritli God! Read 2 Thess. 2 :. " 22fZ. — Endeavored to meditate, whilst dressing, on 'My soul longeth, yea, even fainteth, for the courts of the Lord ; my heart and my flesh crieth out for the living God.* Alas, my soul, how different it is with thee ! Mr. called to ask me if I would become a district visitor, to which I agreed. Met Dr, Twining, on my return from walking, and told him that Mr. had asked me to become a visitor. He dis- approved of it, and said that my duty was to devote my spare time to the soldiers of my regiment. I feel that I have not been suthciently earnest in this of late. Gh, let me start once again in the path of my own Christian duty, laboring alone from love to Christ, and praying always for his bless- ing on whatever I may undertake. May I never omit earnest prayer for all those in whom I may perceive any sign of grace, and never despair of the hardest-hearted sinner, remembering what I once was. DIARY. - 43 ^^ January 9fh, 1853. — Dr. Twining wrote me a note to say that as he was not well, he could not come to the class, but requested me to attend for him. Read 1 Peter 2 : and prayed that God Avould assist me to expound it to the men. I felt very nervous about praying before so many, there being about twenty-four present, and several of my brother officers. God did assist me, and I was enabled to pray, I trust, from my heart. " 18th. — This has been the first day since I made my rules, that I have forgotten to pray at noon as well as at morning and night. Jesus, forgive me ! and grant that as this is the first, so it may be the last time that I neglect to pray to thee, the hearer and answerer of prayer. " 2od, — Lord Jesus, I would give myself up to be led by thee in all things. Give me greater energy and zeal in the performance of my temporal duties. Enable me to please my colonel, and yet to please thee. '^ April 24:tli. — Heard a very good ser- 44 LIFE OF HEDLEY YICAKS. mon from ' Whosoever shall be ashamed of me and my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed when he shall come in his own glory, and in his Father's, and of the holy angels.' Oh, does - not this but too truly api:)ly to me ? Am I not often afraid of confessing Christ before men ? O Jesus, make me to care less for the opinion of man, and more, far more, of what thou thinkest ! O Jesus, may the remembrance of my hav- ing again approached thy table, and renewed my vows to thee, cause me to live closer to thee for the rest of my life ; and do thou, blessed Spirit, warm this cold heart of mine ! " HOME. 45 HOME. " True to the kindred points of lieaven and home." Wordsworth. The 97tli landed in England in the month of May, 1853, and went into barracks at Walmer. Shortly after his arrival, Hedley Vicars wrote the following letter, which is characteristic of the warmth of his gratitude for spiritual benefit : — To Dr. Tavining. " Walmer Barracks, June 8, 1853. "My very dear Dr. Twining : When I wished you farewell from the deck of the Simoon, I felt that I was parting with my best earthly friend. " I can not express the gratitude I feel toward you as being the instrument in God's hands of my conversion. May he 46 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICAKS. reward you scveftfold. Oh, what would I not give to have met you in my earlier years ! " I was in the full career of vice when I arrived in Halifax. It was your preacliing, brought home with saving power to my heart by the power of the Holy Spirit, which stopped me ; and I am, I trust, at length brought out of darkness to light, and from ignorance of God to a knowledge of his ways. " I would thank you, my dear Dr. Twin- ingj from the bottom of my heart, for all the good advice and counsel you have ever so kindly given me. I can show my gratitude in one way, and I know you will value it : I have not bent my knees before the throne of grace for many a month without remem- bering you, nor shall you ever want my poor prayers. I trust that you may be made in- strumental in the conversion of many more souls. Continue, as you' have hitherto done, to hnoio nothing hut Jesus Christ and him crucified, and ijoii must be successful. No HOME. 47 other preaching will he of any avail, nor afford one ray of comfort to him ivho knows himself to he a lost and undone sinner. " I have not time to write more. I have not yet been able to get leave to see my mother, though I have not , seen her for nearly nine years. Ever believe me, yoiu'S with sincerest esteem xind regard, " Hedley Vicars." .. On the same day lie responds to the ex- pression of his mother's earnest longing to see his face, in these words : ■ — " It gives me much pain,, my own dearest mother, to be obliged again to disappoint you, but it can not be helped. Your letters breathe such love and anxiety to see me, that :I feel half inclined to desert ! " The long-desired leave came at last, and on the evening of the' loth of' June, he ar- rived unexpectedly at hoine whilst his fam- ily were at clmrcli attending a week-day service. The joy of that meeting was one with which a stranger intermeddicth not. 48 LIFE OF IIEDLEY VICAKS. To the family and friends of Hedley Vic- ars, the year which followed his return home was one of interest and happiness of no common kind. The heart of his wid- owed mother " sang for joy " as she marked " the exceeding grace of God in him," and his sisters and brothers found him to be at once a cheerful companion, a faithful friend, and a wise adviser. lie shared his sisters' pursuits with ani- mated interest. His sunshiny temper and buoyant spirits made him the idol of his sister's children, and endless was the num- ber of stories which entranced his young auditors in the long summer twilight, or by the cheerful winter fireside — stories impro- vised for the occasion, concerning wander- ing adventurers in "foreign parts," or dead heroes of bygone wars ; leaders of forlorn hopes, who triumphed over unheard-of dif- ticulties, and died amidst unimaginable sue- ^3ses. The very sight of his face seemed '^nal for cheerfulness. > walked in the glorious liberty of the HOME. 49 sons of God, and with the free heart of a child enjoyed every pleasure in the gift of which he cDuld trace his Father's hand ; yet was there still the evidence in his daily life of a chastened and sobered spirit, and of his steadfast obedience to his Master's word — " Watch and pray." " It was something so very new and pre- cious," said one of his sisters, "to have a tender brother who gave one the loving pro- tection of a father, and the faithful counsel of a friend ! " Daily did they gather round him for the study of the word of God, and for holy conversation and prayer. That this tender interest in their best wel- fare was sustained in absence, will be seen by his letters written at this period ; — To Miss Vicars. '•Walmer, Juhj 4, 1853. " My dearest Mary : I received your letter on Friday last, and began to answer it yesterday, but could not finish it. Oh, my beloved sister, how I love to hear you 4 5^0 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. speak about Christ ! I am sure many Christians deprive themselves of much real benefit and assistance by withholding com- munion with each other. "We can not ex- pect to reach j^erfection in righteousness, dearest Mary ; but, whilst humbling our- selves in the dust for our manifold iniqui- ties, let . us often, by counsel and persua- sion, urge each other to put on a cheer- ful courage, and to run with patience the race set before us, never forgetting to look to Jesus, the Alpha and Omega of our hopes. " My love to all. Clara and Edward are at Chobham, I suppose. Tell Clara she can not feel more sorry than I am, that I could not get leave to be able to meet her there. " Ever, my darling little sister, " Your most attached brother, "IIedley Vicars." Part of the months of July and August were passed in camp at Chobham. He HOME. 51 thus graphically described its scenes to his youngest sister : — "Chobham, Attgust 17. " I think you would laugh if you saw me in my bell tent, sitting on a camp stool, at a box with four legs to represent a table. The furniture of my room consists of a camp bedstead, portman- teau, and tub. " The camp is to be broken up next Satur- day, when we are to proceed to Canterbury. I shall not be sorry to be once more settled in quarters, as I find it difficult in this place to obtain those seasons of retirement for hold- ing communion with my heavenly Father, which are so necessary to the keeping alive of reliiTfion in the soul." o In the month of August, not without regret, he resigned the adjutancy of his regiment. His best friends not only fully justified him in taking this step, but val- ued him the more for the reasons which led to it. 52 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. In the following letter he alludes briefly to his painful feelings on this occasion : — To HIS Mother. *^ August, 1854. " My dearest Mother : I re- member well the unenviable state of my feel- ings, whilst stretched on the straw, with noth- ing to disturb me but the tramp of the sentry in front of my tent door. I fancied myself deserted by every one, even by my God. I thought, ' Oh for some Christian friend to converse with me ! ' Just then I heard a voice, saying, 'Mr. Vicars, are you at home ? ' I jumped up, and saw a home missionary, whom I had seen in the tent on Sundays. I invited him in, and we sat side by side on the straw for more than an hour, conversing on the sinner's Friend and the Christian's home. We knelt on the ground, and leaning against the tent-pole, prayed together. What a soothing influ- ence has prayer over the soul ! But it is the Holy Spirit who prompts us ; and to him be all the glory. HOME. 53 " A Christian lias certainly his moments of bitterness and anguish ; but I would not change even these for the world's moments of jollity and mirth. * 'Tis religion that can give Sweetest pleasures whilst we live ; 'Tis religion must supply Solid comfort when we die.' "When on guard I was struck with a proof that God is no respecter of persons, and has his own people in every class. I saw two miserable, wretched-looking men in front of the guard tents. I went to them, and found they were collecting bits of meat and biscuit. They seemed surprised at an officer, in ' such fine clothes,' talking to them about Christ. One of them had been a stoker on a railway, who had been run over by a train, which had smashed his foot and hand. Yet he could talk with delight of the mercy of God his Saviour, and of his goodness and forbearance. Who knows but that I may meet and recognize those poor fellows in heaven ? 54 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. "We started from camp on Saturday morning at five o'clock. During a half hour's halt on the road, I fell to nutting, as nuts were plentiful in the hedges, and back went my thoughts to the days of my boyhood." A short leave in September enabled him to spend a few days with his mother at Southend ; after which he writes, — To HIS Mother. " My darling Mother : I left you yes- terday with no slight feelings of regret, as you might easily imagine if you had ever been a son. I agree with G., that there is but little of ' the real thing ' in the world, and therefore a man values a mother's love the more. " Cay came to my room at night, and we had a pleasant conversation together. We read Romans 8 : and prayed. " To-day I called on Captain Ingram, and enjoyed a walk with him. He is a truly HOME. 55 Christian man. I have just been reading Haweis' ' Spiritual Companion to the Lord's Supi^er.' I have not partaken of that blessed feast since I was at Terling, but trust to do so next Sunday, please God. May that holy sacrament call to my mind in more vivid remembrance the great evil of sin ; for never was it seen so forcibly as when written in a Saviour's agony and bloody sweat, and in his cross and passion. " I remember, alas ! too well, the time when I dreaded the return of Sunday, and considered it both dull and tedious ; but now surely no day is so cheering and de- lightful, and there is none that passes away so quickly. I recollect that, for several months, the only inward sanctifying proof I could, on examination, bring to assure myself that I had indeed been made an ' heir of Christ,' was this longing desire for the Lord's day." Early in February he received intelli- gence of the alarming illness of his uncle, 56 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. Colonel Edward Vicars, R. E., at Gibraltar. He was on his way out to the East, in- trusted with an important military com- mand, when he was seized with an attack of paralysis, and was landed at Gibraltar, in danger of his life. His wife was not in health to undertake the voyage thither. In this extremity, Hedley, with characteristic unselfishness, at some personal inconven- ience, immediately accepted the proposition to go in her place. Note. Among the interesting events occurring dur- ing Vicars' visit home, an account of which has been necessarily omitted in this abridgment, was his engage- ment to a most estimable and lovely young lady, whose early affection was entirely his, and whose spirit was of kindred quality. It will be noticed that she is referred to as " L." iu several of his letters hereafter. WAR AND THE HOSPITAL. 57 VI. WAR AND THE HOSPITAL. Scarcely had he sailed for Gibraltar, when the startling order for an army to proceed to the Crimea shook the heart of peaceful England to its center. Partings took place such as had not been known in the land for forty years, and farewell bless- ings Avere given, to extend over fields of bloodshed and death. ^'^ Pray for him,^' was the watchword from friend to friend, as a husband, a son, or a brother went forth to fight the battles of his country, and efforts were made by those who felt that higher interests were at stake than of this mortal life only, to carry the message of peace to men who were on the eve of being engaged in the horrors of war. Every pulse of the country beat only for her sol- dier sons. 58 LIFE OF IIEDLEY VICARS. At length came the notice of the 97th being under orders. Hedley Vicars was now to enter on the most solemn period of his life. To those who watch the guidings of the divine hand, it will be scarcely necessary to point out the wisdom of that Providence which led him to Greece, and kept him there throughout the awful prevalence of the cholera and malig- nant fever — a visitation which, within the space of thirty-four days, deprived his regi- ment of one hundred and twenty of its ablest and finest men. As no sjDiritual instruction was provided for either Protestant or Roman Catholic soldiers, the field was his own. He began his work by undertaking the command of funeral parties for other officers, who gladly relinquished to him a task so little congenial to their feelings. In this way he obtained frequent opportunities of addressing the liv- ing around the graves of the dead, warning them to flee from the wrath to come, and beseechino; them to close at once with offers WAR AND THE HOSPITAL. 59 of free pardon «T.nd mercy from tliat divine Redeemer who is " the life of them that be- lieve, and the resurrection of the dead." It was " the love of Christ constraining " him, and no mere sense of duty, which led Hedley Vicars to spend the greater part of his days, and often of his nights, in the pesti- lential air of the crowded hospitals — " Seeking, as men seek for riches, Painful vigils by the bed Where the sick and dying stretches Aching limbs beside the dead." Dearer than life to him was the hope of per- suading the dying to look to Jesus, remem- bering the breadth of the promise, " Look unto me, and be ye saved, all ye ends of the earth." And doubly did he prize the op- portunity, when the lighting up of a dying eye at the name of Jesus assured him that he was ministering to one of the brethren of his Lord, for he was not unmindful of the words, " I was sick, and ye visited me." With all his zeal, he was ever careful to avoid giving offense. I have known him 60 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. erase passages which seemed to speak harshly of Roman Catholics from tracts he was about to distribute generally amongst the men. Much as he abhorred Popery, he had the greatest tenderness for the feelings of Roman Catholics. His constant kindness and sym- pathy for all, of any creed, and whether officers or men, are not easily to be described. When others were depressed, he was always hopeful. His spirits were hardly ever cast down. The history of this solemn time is more fully given in his own earnest letters : — «*Pm^us, July 21, 1854. " I know that what I have to tell you will cause you great anxiety ; but the newspapers will give you all particulars, whether I do so or not. The cholera has been raging here. For some time it was with the French alone ; but the day before yesterday we lost one man, and since then nine have been carried off by it. Oh, dear- est friends, pray that this fearful visitation may be the means of awakening solemn i WAR AND THE HOSPITAL. 61 thoughts in the stoutest hearts amongst my thoughtless comrades, and leading them for pardon, peace, and safety to Jesus, the Sa- viour of sinners. Do not be alarmed for me. Remember God's delight in answering prayer; and surely no man has such praying friends as I have. How often the happy hours we have passed together come before me, and I wonder whether we shall ever have them over again ! . . . Should I die now, you know my only ground of hope, my only confidence, my only assurance is in the cross of Jesus Christ, and in the knowledge that ' the precious blood of Christ cleanseth from all sin ' — words as full of sweetness and of consolation to me now as on the day when they were first made to my soul ' the power of God unto salvation.' Death in this form, at all events, has its gloom even for Christians ; but then the sting, yes, the sting, is for them completely taken away." " 2bth. — Death has been busy amongst our poor fellows since I last wrote to you. Twenty-seven have died in seven 62 LIFE OF HEDLEY VICARS. days. I am quite well, thank God, although in low spirits. How can it be otherwise, seeing so many for whom I had a regard cut off thus suddenly ? Several of the officers of my regiment have been ill with fever. They have been mercifully spared from cholera hitherto. " Morning and evening the dead-cart leaves the hospital for the graveyard. It is all very sad and solemn, but * there is a silver lining to the darkest cloud.' I believe that to many this dread visitation of the Almighty has taught a lesson which I trust and hope never will be forgotten. Alas ! that so few have the comfort of religion, the knowledge of Jesus Christ ! ^^ 2(jth. — Since I wrote the above, five more have died. I took the service for the officer whose turn it was to command the funeral party, and said a few words to the sol- diers who were standing around the graves, and asked them to join in prayer with me. i heard the voices of many, broken by their sobs. Not ©ne of these fine fellows would i WAR AND THE HOSPITAL. 63 hesitate to face a cannon's mouth or mount the deadly breach, yet they shrink from the fearful ravages of this unseen foe. Will you all pray for my regiment ? Pray for the out- pouring of the Holy Spirit upon them. Few are as yet prepared to die. God bless and keep you all. In the midst of these gloomy scenes I think as often as ever of L., and, if possible, with even more overflowing thankfulness and love." '