t^ 
 
 Price, 25 Cents 
 
 i 
 
 Good English 
 Program 
 
 By 
 
 Lucile B. Berry 
 
 MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 
 
 208, 210, 212 Wright Ave., LEBANON, OHIO 
 
 £XL= 
 
Songs and Musical Novelties 
 
 THE BLACKSMITH. A rollicking song which savors strongly of hammer and 
 
 anvil, t^oio and chorus. A "busy" song for little men. Verv interesting. 35c. 
 BOW-BEAliEKS TO CHIEF KED CL,OCD. Indian song novelty for any numlier 
 
 of hoys. Lively and uuitiuo, Indian characteristics throughout. Any aire. 35c. 
 CHURNING. The story in song of the little folks making butter at Grandpa's. 
 
 For any number. "Instructive" and clever. 35c. 
 THE COLONIAL MINUET. Music and full directions for rendering the stately 
 
 minuet our grandmas danced long years ago. Novel, quaint and graceful. 35e. 
 COL. ZOOZOO'S ZOBO BAND. Patriotic burlesque novelty. Makes fun of the 
 
 merriest sort. "Col. Zoozoo" and "fake" orchestra entertain. A great hit. 35c. 
 DOLLY, STOP WEEPING. The sweetest doll lullaby ever written. Cnte words, 
 
 S(X)thing melody and graceful motions. Very rare. Highly recommended. 35c. 
 DOLLY, YOU MUST GO TO BED. A charming doll's lullaby, for any number of 
 
 little mothers. It will soothe the most stubborn babv. 35c. 
 "DON'T BE SO ROUGH. JIM; I CAN'T PLAY TO-NIGHT." A very pathetic 
 
 character song for medium voice. Sensible, touching, captivating. 35c. 
 THE HENPECK SINGIN' SKEWL'S EXERBITION CONCERT. The old-time 
 
 singing school. Oceans of fun. Great "money-raiser." Easy to give. 35c. 
 IN THE DAYS I WENT TO SCHOOL. A humorous descriptive song In which 
 
 old wavs and new are compared. Very desirable. Not difficult. 35c, 
 JUST TO BE HOME AGAIN. A song of yearning for home. Splendid for any 
 
 occasion, but especially suited to home-comings. 35c. 
 KEEPING STILL. A solo for boy or may be used as chorus. Humorous and 
 
 captivating. 35c. 
 LI'L PICKANNIN'S PARLANCE. A song of rare beauty. Suggestive of planta- 
 tion life. A sweet melody. Solo or duet. Comical, but pathetic. 35c. 
 LITTLE MOTHERS. A splendid moti<m song portraying the trials of a company 
 
 of little housekeepers. Very bri'_'ht and clewr. Will grace any program. 35c. 
 LITTLE VIRGINIA 'RISTOCRATS. Cute character song for one or any number 
 
 of little ** 'Ristocratic Maidens." Lively. For any program. Very clever. 35c. 
 LOOK PLEASANT. An opening song, either solo or chorus, sure to put an audi- 
 ence in the best of hnmor. 35c. 
 THE RIERRY FARMERS. Costume song for small boys. They tell how to raise 
 
 the biggest crops, as only small bovs can ; interesting and entertaining. 35c. 
 MERRY LITTLE WITCHES, BEWITCHING. Unique song novelty for any 
 
 numlter dainty little ladies; exceedingly pretty; unique: highly recommended. 35c. 
 MUD PIES. Cute costume song for little cooks. Decidedly pleasing. Recalls the 
 
 joys of vounger davs. Deliclitful for any numl)er little folks. 35c. 
 NATIONAL SUFFRAGETTE SONG. A victorious march song, ringing true to 
 
 the Great Cause of Votes for Women. A battle hvmn of freedom. 35c. 
 PETERKINS AND POLLY, VERY DUTCH, BUT QUITE JOLLY. Very amus- 
 ing Dutch song; quaint, comical and popular; duet for boy and girl; clever. 35c. 
 THE QUARREL. Amusing duet for little boy and girl. A mirth provoker. True 
 
 to life: humorous, bright and pleasing. Not difficult. 35c. 
 THE RHEUMATIZ. A humorous action song for any number of either girls or 
 
 bovs, or both, dressed as old folks. 35c. 
 TAKING THE Tl CKS OUT OF EACH TINY DRESS. A song of mother love 
 
 and home. An anti-suffragette argument. Sung by little girls with dolls. 35c. 
 TRIALS OF A BOY. Solo for boy. The complaint of a boy who has to tend baby 
 
 when the game is on. Music simple, but exceptionally pleasing. 35c. 
 "'TWAS THEEI" "'TWAS THOU!" "AND THIS I AVOW!" A Quaker quar- 
 rel. Delightful duet for bov and girl. A unique novelty. Highly amusing. 35o. 
 TWO CRUSTY LITTLE PIES. Why the pies were crusty. An attraction for 
 
 Washington's birthday or any time. Duet for bov and girl, or chorus. 35c. 
 "WE WOULDN'T SAY A WORD, BUT 'TIS QUITE ABSURD." A shocking 
 
 state of affairs depicted. For anv numlier little boys and girls. 35c. 
 WHEN VISITORS COME 'ROUND. Humorous descriptive song, telling how our 
 
 school "shows off" before visitors. Sure success for all occasions. 35c. 
 YOU BIUST NOT SWIM. To be used as solo or sung in unison. Story in song 
 
 of a boy's predicament. 35c. 
 
 Musically Accompanied Recitations 
 
 POEMS VTITH INTERPRETATIVE IHTTSTCAL ACCOMPANI3IENTS, AND 
 
 LESSON TALKS 
 
 BENEATH THE WILLERS; LITTLE BROWN BABY. In negro dialect. One 
 verv tender, the other humorous. Both in one number. 50c. 
 
 LITTLE BOY BLUE. Pathetic story of dust-covered toys once owned by little 
 boy who died. 50c. 
 
 MA3IMY'S LULLABY; SECRETS. Splendid negro dialect. Both in one num- 
 ber. 50c. 
 
 OUR WASHINGTON. A strong patriotic number. 50c. 
 
 SONG OF THE MARKET PLACE. Narrative of great singer and beggar girl. 50c. 
 
 (d) 
 
Good English 
 Program 
 
 By 
 
 Lucile B. Berry 
 
 Author of 
 
 "The Melting Pot," "Old Colony Days," 
 "America In Pilgrim Days," etc. 
 
 MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 
 
 208,210,212 Wright Ave., LEBANON, OHIO 
 
.Zq^53 
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1920, By 
 MARCH BROTHERS 
 
 SEP 24 1920 
 ©C1.0 55581 
 
Good English Program 
 
 This program as originally arranged, was designed 
 to make a fitting conclusion to the observance of 
 "Good English Week," in a small high school. It 
 is, as may readily be seen, very elastic. An occa- 
 sional change of a word or two, at certain points, 
 will adapt it to any school or community. Posters 
 made by pupils, and emphasizing the importance of 
 war on "Bad English," may be used to great advan- 
 tage in decorating the schoolroom, or at least the 
 stage. 
 
 Part One 
 
 [Given hy freshmen and sophomore classes or "by 
 younger pupils.] 
 
 [Pupils seated on stage in semi-circle^ as for min- 
 strel. Any number may he used. Good English, 
 dressed as an aristocrat, with silk hat and cane, if 
 desired, acts as one end man; Bad English, a typical 
 hobo, is the other. A cheer-leader, decorated with 
 class or school colors, occupies the center of the semi- 
 circle. When curtain rises, cheer-leader jumps to feet, 
 faces pupils, tvho rise at his signal and give with true 
 school spirit, following his lead, these yells:] 
 
 1 
 Sink, sank, sunk, 
 Sink, sank, sunk; 
 Down she goes, 
 Down she goes. 
 
 BAD ENGLISH. 
 2. 
 Drink, drank, drunk, 
 Drink, drank, drunk; 
 Drink her down. 
 Drink her down. 
 
 GOOD ENGLISH. 
 
 3 
 
4 GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 
 
 3. 
 If you fight, you have fought; 
 If you think, you have thought; 
 Think it now. 
 
 GOOD ENGLISH. 
 4. 
 Lie, lay, lain, 
 Slay, slew, slain, 
 Lay him low. 
 
 BAD ENGLISH. 
 
 [Any numhcr of similar yells may he composed 
 and given.] 
 
 Hobo [rising lazily, addressing Good English] : I 
 say, Mr. Whatever-Your-Name-Is. What is all this 
 racket about, any how? Sounds to me like a Gram- 
 mar Class had broke loose. 
 
 Pupils [jumping to feet] : 
 
 Break, broke, broken, 
 Speak, spoke, spoken, 
 Down with Bad English. 
 
 Hobo [someivhat taken hack] : Oh ! I say, Mr. 
 Good English, I got your number — I mean your 
 name — now let me on, won't you? What's all this 
 stir about? 
 
 Good English [with dignity] : I understand you 
 to ask, my poor, misguided friend, the meaning of our 
 unwonted enthusiasm. Well, I will endeavor to en- 
 lighten you. This is Good English Week in 
 
 High School, and the pupils have declared 
 
 war on Bad English, now, henceforth and forever. 
 Pupils [with vim] : 
 
 Go — went — gone, 
 Go — went— gone ; 
 Down she goes, 
 Down she goes, 
 
 BAD ENGLISH. 
 
GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM O 
 
 Hobo [showing signs of fear] : I say, that sounds 
 pretty bad for mo. Tell me, Mr. Very Good English, 
 has anybody got killed in this war yet? 
 
 Good English : Yes, a number of the foe have al- 
 ready fallen. We will report for you a few of the 
 casualties. 
 
 [At this point, ten of the smallest pupils who have 
 been seated in front row, step forward. Each has 
 hung about his neck a placard with Jiis particular 
 error plainly printed upon it. As he begins to recite, 
 he turns the printed side to audience. In so far as 
 H can be done, have each pupil act out his part, mak- 
 ing it as amusing and effective as possible. As they 
 recite and take their places, Hobo is visibly affected, 
 sighs, shakes his head, wipes his eyes with large ban- 
 dana.] 
 
 TEN AWFUL ERRORS OF SPEECH 
 
 Ten awful errors of speech, 
 
 Standing in a line; 
 I Done just choked himself, 
 
 And then there were nine. 
 
 Nine ugly errors of speech, 
 
 Sat up very late; 
 Have Went fell off to sleep. 
 
 And then there were eight. 
 
 Eight troublesome errors of speech. 
 Without them 'twould be heaven; 
 
 Have Saio just breathed his last, 
 And then there were seven. 
 
 Seven naughty errors of speech 
 
 Still fooled \is by their tricks; 
 Be Don't decided to leave, 
 
 And then there were six. 
 
 Six doughty errors of speech 
 
 Still remained alive; 
 A cyclone killed You Was, 
 
 And then there were five. 
 
b GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 
 
 [Two hoys stand together, then separate.] 
 
 Five frightened errors of speech 
 Looked sadly at their brothers; 
 
 A big knife cut Had Ought in two, 
 And they joined the others. 
 
 Three frightened errors of speech 
 
 Now wondered what to do; 
 A cruel teacher slew / Seen, 
 
 And that left but two. 
 
 Two stubborn errors of speech 
 
 Clutched each other in fright; 
 One cried, It's me this time, 
 
 And sank out of sight. 
 
 Poor, londy, little Aint, 
 
 Standing in the sun, 
 It soon grew too hot for him, 
 
 And then there was none. 
 
 Hobo : I say, this is awful. Some of them, my best 
 friends, too ! And I see lots of folks right down here 
 [pointing to pupils and visitors] who knew them, and 
 loved them, too. [At this point, four girls dressed 
 as goblins, or simply with hlack shawls held down 
 over their faces, rise from their seats in the rear and 
 slowly come forward. At sight of them, Hoho Bad 
 English trembles, and in shaking voice speaks.] 
 
 HoBO: Who are these? Who are these? 
 
 Good English : These are the spirits of Good Eng- 
 lish words slain by you and such as you. Hear their 
 warning. [As they speak, Hobo trembles more and 
 more. Finally he slinks off stage looking back at the 
 spirits who occasionally point an accusing finger at 
 him.] 
 
 First Spirit. 
 
 JMr. Goodman English has come along our way, 
 
 To brighten up our language, and sweep the slang away; 
 
 And all we High School boys and girls, 
 
 Now watch what we're about, 
 
 For the Goblin of Bad English will catch you, 
 
 If vou don't watch out. 
 
GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 7 
 
 Secoi^d SriRiT. 
 
 Onco there ^vas a Freshman boy 
 
 Whose English was so poor, 
 
 Tt ahiiost drove his teachers to distraction — did, for sure; 
 
 And when they argued with him 
 
 About his careless speech, 
 
 lie laughed and tossed his head, 
 
 ■Xnd said, "Oh' let them preach!" 
 
 And now this same gay Freshman, 
 
 After a year has past, 
 
 Is still a Freshman — think of it — 
 
 And will be to the last. 
 
 Unless he mends his language-ways 
 
 And turns right face about, 
 
 And may be you will meet his fate if you don't watch out. 
 
 TniRD Spirit. 
 
 Yes, and there was a Senior girl 
 
 Whose slang AAas something frightful. 
 
 She said, "Oh, kid!'* "For love of Mike!" and "Cheese it!" 
 
 to be spiteful, 
 And when her English teacher, shocked, told her it was not 
 
 nice. 
 She mimicked her behind her back and said, "That cuts no 
 
 ice ! " 
 And now it's said her future with the faculty's in doubt, 
 Don't you know this might be your plight, too, 
 If you don't watch out? 
 
 Fourth SpiraT. 
 
 So Mr. Goodman English says to all who now reside, 
 \Yithin these walls where he should be respected far and wid«'. 
 You'd better watch your verbs and with their nouns make 
 
 them agree. 
 And use the right forms of those troublous words, go, lie, 
 
 sit, come, and see. 
 And leave the slang to others while your studies you're about. 
 Or the Goblin of Bad English will get you. 
 If you don't watch out. 
 
 [The spirits should speak in deep, warning tones, 
 accompanying their .words with appropriate gestures. 
 As they resume their places, a messenger comes hur- 
 riedly upon the stage and hands Good English a paper 
 which he opens and reads, then speaks.] 
 
8 GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 
 
 Good English: Listen, my friends, here is won- 
 derful news for us. Our enemy, Bad English, has 
 been caught by the Junior Class as he was lingering 
 in the girl's cloakroom, and they are determined to 
 bring him to trial for his many offenses. This mes- 
 sage states that the witnesses are now being sum- 
 moned and that the trial will occur on this stage. Let 
 us give place to our friends and witness the discom- 
 fiture of our enemy. 
 
 [All rise at sign of cheer-leader, and with great 
 enthusiasm give a number of yells as before. March 
 from platform to seats in audience, carrying banners,- 
 declaring for Good English.] 
 
 Part Two 
 
 [Stage set as courtroom for regular trial. Select 
 each character with special fitness for part. Jury of 
 twelve girls follow every witness intently, showing 
 plainly as they do, their feelings. Action may be 
 somewhat exaggerated in case of all characters. Two 
 lawyers for defense and two for plaintiff will divide 
 the woric. If desired, one lawyer on each side may 
 make a two-minute speech to the jury before that 
 body retires. When curtain rises, there is some con- 
 fusion among lawyers and jury, as the priso^ier is 
 brought in, chained.] 
 
 Bailiff [rapping loudly]: Hear ye! Hear ye! 
 
 The court of High School is now 
 
 in session. Silence in the courtroom. 
 
 Clerk [risifig and reading in impressive tones] : 
 
 The case of High School vs. Bad 
 
 English ; in which case the plaintiff sets forth and 
 will prove, that Bad English does now, and has in 
 times past, frequented the premises of said plaintiff, 
 and that said defendant's presence there has proven, 
 and now proves, injurious to plaintiff to such an ex- 
 
GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 9 
 
 tent that said plaintiff prays the court to issue an 
 order expelling said defendant from said premises 
 and forbidding his return. 
 
 Lawyer for Dependant [rising] : Your Honor, 
 we deny the facts set forth by the plaintiff and are 
 prepared to prove that their statements are utterly 
 false and without foundation. 
 
 Judge: Call the witnesses for the plaintiff. 
 
 [The clerk rises and pronounces clearly the name 
 of each ivitness in turn. Witness responds ''Here'* 
 from place in audience, then takes witness chair. 
 Each witness must hy manner, voice, and wherever 
 possible, hy dress, convey the particular idea he rep- 
 resents.] 
 
 Clerk: Mrs. John He. 
 
 Mrs. J. H.: Here. 
 
 Clerk : Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole 
 truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Good 
 English? 
 
 Mrs. J. H. [looking around and smiling on every- 
 one] : Yes, you can depend on that; Mrs. John He. 
 she always tells the truth. 
 
 Lawyer for Plaintiff: What is your name? 
 Mrs. J. H. : Mrs. John He. 
 
 Lawyer: Are you of foreign birth, Mrs. He? 
 Your name certainly sounds foreign. 
 
 Mrs. J. H. : Laws sakes, No! Why the He's 
 they've always been here! My husband, John He, 
 he was a big man in this town, and his grandfather, 
 he was one of the first settlers 'round here, and my 
 daughter Mary, she is a studyin' right now in this 
 High School, and most all the pupils knows her. 
 [Smiles at all, well pleased with herself.] 
 
10 GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 
 
 Lawyer: Mrs. He, do you know the defendant, 
 Bad English? 
 
 Mrs. J. H. : Know him ! Well, I should say I do, 
 and always have knowed him. We've had lots of 
 good talks together. 
 
 Lawyer: Just where have you heen accustomed 
 to meet him, Mrs. He ? 
 
 Mrs. J. H. : Well, all sorts of places, but mostly 
 
 in High School. He's got lots of 
 
 friends there and he likes to hang around, especially- 
 the girls cloakroom; but sometimes, Bad English, he 
 says, a winkin' his eye, I gits a hankerin' for higher 
 society and I goes into the classrooms themselves, or 
 even the faculty meeting, and then Bad English, he 
 shakes his sides and laughs! Oh, he's the jokin'est 
 fellow. 
 
 Lawyer: Have you ever observed any harmful 
 
 effects of his society on these young people in 
 
 High School? 
 
 Mrs. J. H. : Harmful! Why, Bad English, he 
 wouldn't hurt a fly. He's just the pleasantest fellow! 
 He talks on and on and makes you feel so easy. He 
 says never mind and don't you bother when some- 
 body asks, ''Is that the right word?" But I knowed 
 something was a ailing Bad English lately. He aint 
 looked like himself this week, and yesterday, when 
 we was busy in the hall, before the bell rung, Bad 
 English, he says, ' ' These is sorry days for me, some- 
 thing in doin'." Bad English, he says, "My old 
 friends is a leavin' me, they is a lookin' sideways at 
 me, and even [some hoy noted for slang], the one on 
 whom I could always count, he is a actin' strange and 
 distant. ' ' 
 
 Lawyer : You say, Mrs. He, that you have actually 
 
 met the defendant on the premises of 
 
 High School many times? 
 
GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 11 
 
 Mrs. J. H. : Law, yes, that's what I said. What's 
 this row about, anyhow? I told him yesterday, if 
 ever he was in trouble and I could say a good word 
 for him, I'd do it, even if I had to stretch the truth, 
 and Bad English, he said, "I'm not afraid of you, 
 you'll always speak for me." 
 
 Lawyer [turning over witness to defendant's law- 
 yer] : C'ros.s examine. \Lawyer for defendant with 
 tvave of hand indicates he has nothing to ask.] 
 
 First Lawyer : "Witness excused. [As Mrs. J. H. 
 leaves, she looks over smiling confidently at defendant 
 and waves hand or throws kiss to him.] 
 
 Clerk : Miss Vocabulary. 
 
 Miss V. : Here. [Takes witness stand and is 
 sworn hy clerk.] 
 
 Lawyer: What is your name? 
 
 Miss V.: Miss Vocabulary. 
 
 Lawyer: Miss Vocabulary, will you look at the 
 defendant and state whether or not you have ever seen 
 him? 
 
 Miss V. [with dignity] : I state, I declare, I af- 
 firm, I assert, that I have. 
 
 Lawyer: Have these occasions been frequent? 
 
 Miss V. : They have been numerous, recurrent, 
 repeated — 
 
 Lawyer: All right, Miss Vocabulary, we'll take 
 your words for it. Where have you met him? 
 
 Miss V. [looking fiercely at defendant] : In 
 High School. 
 
 Lawyer: At one time he was rather offensive in 
 his manner to you, was he not? 
 
12 GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 
 
 Lawyer for Defendant [jumping up excitedly] : 
 I object, your Honor, that question is leading. 
 
 Judge: Objection sustained. 
 
 Lawyer for Plaintiff [smiling confidently] : Miss 
 Vocabulary, tell what occurred at your last meeting 
 with the defendant. 
 
 Miss V. : Well, if I do say it myself, I have always 
 been considered in the same circle with Good 
 English. Of course, there have been times when for 
 reasons of convenience, I have associated with the de- 
 fendant, but never to any great extent. Last week 
 I was giving a report in the History Class, and doing 
 well, when the defendant, who is always hanging 
 around, tried to attract my attention. I didn't 
 notice him for some time, but when I did, I stammered 
 and stuttered so that I made a complete failure. The 
 teacher knew whose fault it was for she shook her 
 head and said as I sat down, "Bad English works 
 havoc with a vocabulary." 
 
 Lawyer: You are sure that your downfall was 
 due to the defendant, are you? 
 
 Miss V. : I am satisfied, I am confident, I am con- 
 vinced that he is a deceiver, a traitor, a villian — a — 
 
 Lawyer [trying to stem the onrush of words] : 
 That will do, Miss Vocabulary. [Lawyer for defend- 
 ant waives cross-examination.] You are excused. 
 [Aside.] Some vocabulary ! 
 
 Clerk: Mother Tongue. 
 
 Mother Tongue [rising feebly, supported by friend, 
 comes to witness chair and is sworn.] 
 
 Lawyer : What is your name ? 
 
 M. T. : I am called Mother Tongue. 
 
GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 13 
 
 Lawyer: How old are you, Mother? 
 
 M. T. : I am many centuries old. Long ago, with 
 my parents, my strong Anglo-Saxon father and beau- 
 tiful Norman mother, I lived in England. Those were 
 happy years, as were the first ones I spent in this 
 beautiful land, to which I came many years ago. 
 
 Lawyer : Mother Tongue, do you know the prisoner 
 who sits yonder? 
 
 M. T. : Do I know him ? [Poiiitmg trembUng fin- 
 ger at Bad English.] He is the spoiler of my family. 
 Once I had many strong, beautiful children, my good 
 English words, I called them, but this alien crept in. 
 Some of my children he murdered, some he influenced 
 until they were totally unlike their old selves. To fill 
 their places, he has brought into my family, low, 
 rude ruffians, who in no way resemble my own. Know 
 him? I could never mistake the greatest enemy to 
 my existence. [Weeps, and jury visibly affected, do 
 likewise.] 
 
 Lawyer [with great show of feeling] : My op- 
 ponents refuse to cross-examine. You are excused, 
 Mother. 
 
 Clerk: Good Grammar. [Comes to stand and 
 is sworn.] 
 
 Lawyer for Affirmative : Your full name, please. 
 G. G. : Good English Grammar. 
 
 Lawyer : Are you a resident member of 
 
 High School. 
 
 G. G. : Well, not exactly, but I do manage to get 
 in occasionally. 
 
 Lawyer: At such times have you ever met the 
 plaintiff? 
 
14 GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 
 
 G. G. [looking disdainfully at Bad English] : I 
 have, frequently, to my utter disgust. 
 
 Lawyer; "What, on such occasion, was his be- 
 havior ? 
 
 Lawyer on Opposing Side [jumping up] : Your 
 Honor, we object. This case has to do with the be- 
 havior of Bad English toward the pupils of the 
 
 High School, not toward every 
 
 Tom, Dick and Harry they can drag in here. 
 
 Lawyer for Plaintiff: Your Honor, we expect 
 to prove by this witness's testimony that the defend- 
 ant's behavior toward said pupils was what we claim. 
 
 Judge: Objection overruled. Witness will ansAver 
 the question. 
 
 G. G. : His. manner was rude in the extreme. 
 Whenever it was possible, he elbowed his way to the 
 pupil's side before I could get there. He was so im- 
 polite that he took the words right out of my mouth 
 and substituted his own. When the confused pupil 
 sat down, having made a failure. Bad English smiled 
 as much as to say, "Your day in this school, Good 
 Grammar, is gone." 
 
 Lawyer for Defendant [cross-examining] : You 
 say, Miss Good Grammar, that our client elbowed his 
 way in ahead of you to tlie pupil. What business 
 had you there? 
 
 G. G. : Why, from the days of the earliest school, 
 sir, it has been my business to be present to aid the 
 pupil at all times. He can not make a single satis- 
 factory recitation unless he has me to help him. 
 
 Lawyer: You evidently consider yourself a very 
 important person. What per cent, of the pupils of 
 
 High School really know you or 
 
 care for you? Now, remember, you are under oath. 
 
GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 15 
 
 G. G.: I must admit that the per cent, is not as 
 great as I should desire, but it is growing, and this 
 week it has increased by leaps and bounds. 
 
 Lawyer: You are excused. 
 
 Lawyer for Plaintiff: Your Honor, our testi- 
 mony is in and we rest our case. 
 
 Judge: Call -the witnesses for the defense. 
 
 Clerk: Miss Spelling. [Very stylishly dressed 
 girl ivith haughty manner^ comes to stand and is 
 sworn.\ 
 
 Lawyer for Defendant: Miss Spelling, you are 
 a friend of the defendant, are you not? 
 
 Miss S. : Indeed, I am not. 
 
 Lawyers for Defendant [consulting] : Miss 
 Spelling, you certainly associate with our client and 
 somewhat frequently, do you not? 
 
 Miss S. : Well, if you are determined to know 
 everything, I have been found in his society. Some- 
 times in the History Note-books, we have been thrown 
 together and occasionally in Laboratory Manuals, but 
 he is not of my set, I'll have you know. 
 
 Lawyer: Why, Miss Spelling, you are not 
 ashamed of him. *We understood — 
 
 Miss S. [angrily] : I'll have you know. I associate 
 with the best. Why the seniors are my friends, and 
 not infrequently I am found in the company of a 
 teacher even. I refuse to be put in the same social 
 class as that man [pointing to defendant. Cross- 
 examination.] 
 
 Lawyer for Plaintiff [slyly] : It is true, ism't 
 it. Miss Spelling, that you do sometimes let your 'M" 
 follow '^e" [pronounced he] when you should not, 
 and so make trouble for the unwary. 
 
16 GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 
 
 Miss S. : I '11 not be questioned so by any snip 
 of a lawyer. 
 
 Lawyer for Defendant [excitedly] : We object 
 to our witness being insulted. 
 
 Lawyer for Plaintiff: We humbly apologize, 
 your Honor. [3Iiich laughter and confusion while 
 Miss S. flaunts off the stage.] 
 
 Bailiff [hringi^ig down gavel] : Order in the 
 court room! 
 
 Clerk: Miss C. Writing. [Comes to stand and is 
 sworn.] 
 
 Lawyer for Defendant: What is your name? 
 
 Miss C. W. : Miss C. Writing. 
 
 Lawyer: What is your Christian name? 
 
 Miss C. W. : Oh ! I don 't like my Christian name 
 at all, and very few people ever call me by it or even 
 know it. Folks who associate "with me pity me and 
 call me Poor, others call me Hurried Writing, but my 
 real-for-sure name is Careless — yes, Careless Writing. 
 
 Lawyer: You know the defendant, do you? 
 
 Miss C. W. : Oh, yes, we run together a great 
 deal. He's very fond of me. [Smiles sweetly at 
 defendant.] 
 
 Lawyer: Have you ever been together in 
 
 High School? 
 
 Miss C. W. : Well, I should think so. We spend 
 the best part of our time there. 
 
 Lawyer: Tell just where you have been in his 
 company within the confines of this school. 
 
GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 17 
 
 Miss C. W. : Well, most everywhere, but perhaps 
 most often we are found together in composition books. 
 There are so many chances to meet there. But I be- 
 lieve w^e have the best time when we get together 
 on examination papers. You see, I'm such a help to 
 him then. Just last week, he said to me, ''0 Careless 
 Writing, 1 do love you, you help me out of so many 
 bad scrapes." That was when [some pupil's name] 
 used the wrong form of a verb, but the writing was 
 so careless the teacher just took it for granted the 
 word was right, and gave the boy credit. [Giggles.] 
 
 Lawyer : You have had in your time a great many 
 prominent people as friends, have you not? 
 
 Miss C. W. : Well, I rather think so. Most great 
 lawyers, doctors and celebrities are strong for Care- 
 less Writing, and I'm not unknown to professors, 
 but the common school-teachers are all against me. 
 
 Lawyer: No cross-examination. You are excused. 
 
 Clerk: Miss Culture. [A very dignified aristo- 
 cratic personage with Bostonian accent, comes to chair 
 and is sworn.] 
 
 Lawyer for Defendant : What is your name ? 
 
 Miss C. : Miss Culture. [Pronouncing the last u 
 very long.] 
 
 Lawyer: You know the defendant? 
 
 Miss C. [eyeing him with increasing scorn] : I 
 never saw the vulgar creature before in my life. [Law- 
 yers for defense consult at length and appear very 
 much worried.] 
 
 Lawyer: Do you spell your name, Miss Culture, 
 with a K or a C ? 
 
 Miss C. : With a C, always, Miss C — ulture. 
 
18 GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 
 
 Lawyer [very much worried, after comparing 
 notes with associate] : Now, Miss Culture, have you 
 not been in the company of the defendant at various 
 times of late? We have here a list of such meetings. 
 We want to show that our client, Bad English, had 
 some reputable friends. Please glance over these. 
 [Hands paper; she reads.] 
 
 Miss C. [disgustedhj] : This creature mentioned 
 here is the bane of my existence. She goes under the 
 name of Culture and some people mistake her for a 
 member of our family, but she is not even distantly 
 related to us. Her name is Make-believe Culture. 
 
 Lawyer [in astonishment] : And who are you? 
 
 Miss C. : I am Miss Real Culture. 
 
 Lawyer [after excitedly consulting colleague] : 
 Your Honor, we have called the wrong witness. We 
 beg to dismiss the court until we can bring here the 
 witness we intended summoning. 
 
 Lawyer for Plaintiff: Your Honor, we object. 
 The defense has had every chance given them, more 
 courtesy shown them than we have — 
 
 Lawyer for Defense : ■ Your Honor, he is pre- 
 suming to criticize the court. [Great excitement with 
 lawyers for both sides on floor.] 
 
 Judge: Gentlemen, I must warn you that such 
 conduct is unbecoming a court room, and that it must 
 cease. This case has dragged on too long already. 
 Proceed. 
 
 Lawyer for Defense [in surly mariner] : Our 
 witnesses are in. We rest our case. 
 
 Lawyer for Plaintiff: Your Honor, we under- 
 stand that a very valuable witness of ours has just 
 come into the room, and we beg your permission to 
 examine him. 
 
GOOD ENGLISH, PROGRAM 19 
 
 Judge : Call the witness. 
 
 Clerk: Dr. C. E. Speech. [He comes forward 
 tvith hat and medical case, the typical busy doctor, 
 and is sworn.] 
 
 Lawyer: What is your name? 
 
 Doctor: Dr. Correct English Speech. 
 
 Lawyer: You specialize, do you not Doctor, in 
 diseases of the tongue? 
 
 Doctor: I do particularly, as it affects their 
 speech. 
 
 Lawyer: Doctor, have you examined the pupiLs 
 
 of — High School in relation to such 
 
 diseases ? 
 
 Doctor : I have. 
 
 Lawyer: Tell the court. Doctor, what you found. 
 
 Doctor: I found an epidemic of Bad English in 
 their midst. In some cases the disease was in a very 
 mild form, as yet scarcely noticeable, except when 
 the patient was in an excited state of mind. In others, 
 more pronounced, having affected their speech until 
 it was noticeable to even a casual observer. A few 
 have extreme cases. 
 
 Lawyer: What are the symptoms of this disease, 
 Doctor? 
 
 Doctor: They vary widely in different patients. 
 Some break out with a rash, known to the '^-ommon 
 folk as slang. This is a very common form of disease 
 I find among the pupils examined. 
 
 Lawyer: What is the cause, Doctor, of this di- 
 sease ? 
 
 Doctor : The mdcrobe. Bad English, sir, gets into 
 a eommunitv. It is everywhere spread by careless 
 
20 GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 
 
 people. A foolish idea that the disease is harmless 
 helps do the work, and soon there is an epidemic. 
 
 Lawyer: Is there any remedy, Doctor? 
 
 Doctor : No absolute remedy is known to our pro- 
 fession as yet, but the confinement or banishment of 
 those who are found guilty of spreading the germ 
 will go far to blot out the disease. [No cross-examina- 
 tion.] 
 
 Lawyer: You are excused. Doctor. 
 
 Judge [impressively] : The jury will now retire to 
 the jury room, there to weigh carefully all the evi- 
 dence presented. If, after so doing, it appears that 
 the defendant, Bad English, has been guilty of the 
 
 charges, to-wit : frequenting the premdsies of 
 
 High School, and so conducting himself 
 
 that his presence there has proven detrimental to the 
 best interests of the pupils, the jury shall thereupon, 
 
 according to the law of High 
 
 School and of all school code find him guilty of the 
 charges brought against him. [Bailiff ushers out 
 jury. They return after brief time, and the fore- 
 man announces the verdict.] 
 
 Foreman of the Jury: We find the defendant 
 guilty of the charges and recommend that he be given 
 the full extent of the law. 
 
 Judge: Prisoner, have you any reason to offer 
 why justice should not take its course? 
 
 Bad English [doggedly] : I aint goin' to say 
 nothin' to nobody. 
 
 Judge: Stand and receive the sentence of this 
 court. [Bad English shuffles to his feet.] After due 
 form of trial you have been found guilty of the charges 
 brought against you. I, therefore, acting in my capac- 
 
GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM 21 
 
 ity as judge of the high court of 
 
 High School, sentence you to banishment from said 
 High School and from all premises under its juris- 
 diction from this time, henceforth, and forever, and 
 I call upon all members and friends of said school 
 to assist in the execution of this sentence. Bailiff, 
 remove the prisoner. 
 
 CURTAIN 
 
Children's Dialogs and Plays 
 
 CROWNING THE MAY QUEEN. A delishtful May Day play. Chililren go May- 
 ing, crown a queon, wind Maypole, encounter gypsy, etc. Great excitement. 35c. 
 
 THE DOLL'S SYMPOSILM. Toy Sbop at night. Dolls and toys have great frolic. 
 Spicy dialog. Fancy drills and specialties introduced. Clever. 35c. 
 
 THE DOLLY SHOW. The dearest little "baby show" ever. Each little girl dis- 
 plays ber dollv to best advantage to wise little judge; in cute rhyme; easy. 25c. 
 
 FAVORITE DRAMATIZATIONS. Contains "Red Riding Hood." "Tlie Three 
 Bears," "The Hare with Many Friends," "The Wonderful Piper," and "The 
 rumpkin Tree." All very desirable and easily produced by primary pupils. 35c. 
 
 A GOOSE AND SOiME GEESE. A jolly little Mother Goose play with a very 
 pointed climax. No IxXhersonie scenery or properties required. Very amusing. 25c. 
 
 THE HOLIDAYS' CAKNIVAL. St. Valentine's Day, April Fools'. Easter, Hal- 
 lowe'en. Christmas and other holidays represented by children. March, songs. 25c. 
 
 THE KNICKERBOCKERS AT SCHOOL. A "Dutch" burlesque. Very comic 
 presentation of old-fashioned Dutch school and customs. Quaint and funny. 35c. 
 
 L.1GHTHEART. Allegorical play in two acts. 7 m.. 12 or more f. Boy, assisted 
 by Work, Courage and Wisdom, travels to City of Success, is beset by Folly, 
 rescued by Lighlheart, bravest of Fairy Band, finally meets Love. 35c. 
 
 ORIGINAL DIALOGS FOR ANY TIME. Splendid collection of witty, spicy, 
 livelv dialogs. We guarantee their excellence. Primary and Intermediate. 35c. 
 
 PAT And his countrymen. Brisk dialog abounding with Irish wit, for gram- 
 mar or high school. Splendid for St. Patrick's Da.v. Instructive. 2m. 25c. 
 
 PETITE PLAYS. Collection of the spiciest comic dialogs, comedies and farces, by 
 best American authors. Short, strong, witty ; not difficult. 2 to 6 parts. 40c. 
 
 PUPPET PLAYS FOR SPECIAL DAYS. Contains ten Puppet plays arranged for 
 all the holidays and special days of the school year. Very easily produced. 40c. 
 
 ROYALTY IN OLD VIRGINIA. Historical play portraying thrilling events in life 
 of Powhatan, Pocahontas and Capt. John Smith. Grammar or high school. 35c. 
 
 SCHOOL PLAYS FOR FESTIVE DAYS. Over a score of the richest, spiciest 
 dialogs for all grades. Every one a winner. Bright and instructive. 40c. 
 
 YANKEE DOODLE'S TRIP TO DIXIE. A Revolutionary adventure. Full of 
 patriotism. For grammar grades. 3 scenes. 6 m., 6 f. 30 minutes. 25c. 
 
 Good English Week Entertainments 
 
 GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM. An up-to-date program to be used in celebrating 
 Good English Week. In two parts, a bright, snappy minstrel and a mock trial 
 of Bad Speech. 1 1^ hours. 25c. 
 
 THE DOWNFALL OF POOR SPEECH. The Queen of the English Language 
 with her ladies-in-waiting, assisted by gallant courtiers, wage war and defeat 
 Poor Speech and his outlaws. A very desirable production. 25c. 
 
 Plays for High School and Adults 
 
 AL MARTIN'S COUNTRY STORE. Unswrpassed for merriment. Country store's 
 
 customers, loafers, gossipers, lovers, etC; Splendid climax. Loads of fun. 35c. 
 AND THE LA3IP WENT OUT. A screamingly 'funny pantomimic performance. 
 
 Clever bevond description. 2 males, 2 females, and reader, 35c. 
 cabbage' hill SCHOOL. Humorous play for children or young people. New 
 
 "skewl-marm" on opening day. Capricious pupils, august visitors, etc. 35c. 
 CATCHING CLARA. An up-to-date commencement play. Great excitement, thrill- 
 ing time, lots of fun. 3 scenes, 10 males, 15 females, or more, 40c. 
 THE CHARITY PUPIL. Boarding school episode, lively with vivacious pranks 
 
 and exciting times. Strong plot with happy climax. Splendid class play. 35c. 
 A CORNER IN HEARTS. A clever and amusing little parlor play. All lovers 
 
 propose to the same girl. Rich humor. Pleasing situations. 4 m., 1 f. or 5 m. 25c.. 
 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 6 m., 6 f. Highest type commencement play. 
 
 Brilliant success. Acting rights free to purchaser of 12 copies. 40c. 
 CUPID'S JOKE. Charming little drama in which Cupid gets "busy." Splendid for 
 
 St Valentine's Dav or any social occasion. 5 m., 5 f. and Cupid. % hr. 25c. 
 A DAY AT HAPPY HOLLOW SCHOOL. New play of the ' Deestrick Sknle" 
 
 type. Full of wit and clever drollery. City auto party vs. -rural youngsters. 35c. 
 A DICKENS REVIVAL. An elaborate play introducing 40 Dickens characters. 
 
 Very clever plot which gathers interest and culminates in pleasing climax. 35c. 
 THE DISPELLING OF BIG JIM. Negro farce. i3ig Jim is tried by officials of 
 
 Big Bethel Cliurch for misdemeanor. Great excitement. Darky humor. 8 m. 25c. 
 THE GOLDEN GOBLET. Exceedingly clever farce with female cast, for Bachelor 
 
 Girls' and Women's Clnbs. etc. Uproarionsly funny. 12 females. 1 hour. 40c. 
 THE HEIR OF MT. VERNON. Colonial Society play. Washington's sterling 
 
 manhood and rare courtesy portrayed. Old plantation melodies, etc, 8 m.. 8 f. 35c. 
 
 (a) 
 
Plays for High School and Adults 
 
 HER SUPERIOR INTELLIGENCE. A comody ; one of the clovorest bits of re- 
 fri'j;hiiig humor ever coiicpivcd. 2 m., 1 f. One scene. 40 minutes. 35c. 
 
 HIAWATHA HHAMATIZED. IIigb-grii<lc drama arranged from Longfellow's 
 masiorpivco ; vivid dramatic scenes. Contains descriotion of costumes, Indian 
 music, and other details necessary. Time, 1 hour. 35c. 
 
 HOW SHE MANAGED IT. A liowitching young lady resorts to a very plausitile 
 plot for securing a proposal and succeeds. Ideal parlor play. Clever. 1 m., 1 f. 25c. 
 
 IN THE WxVKE OF PAIL REVERE. Exciting incidents of revolutionary days 
 wovi>n into a charming play. Makes life in the old days real. Delightful. 35c. 
 
 JOY OF THE L. V. Thrilling Wild West play. Clever and humorous; depicting 
 co\vl)oys in love, jealousy and intrigue. Very meritorious. 10 m., 2 f. 35c. 
 
 A LITTLE HEKOINE OF THE REVOLUTION. P.rave little girl with clever 
 tact deceives British and passes their lines with message to General Marion. 35c. 
 
 THE LOST VILLAGE. An eighteenth and twentieth c«ntury ontrast. Inhabi- 
 tants still live as did their Puritan ancestors. When Prudence returns a full- 
 fledged twentieth century girl, things happen. 10 m., 5 f. 30 min. 25c. 
 
 LOVERS OF ALL AGES. Unique novelty for high schools, colleges, clubs, etc. 
 Beautiful jiresentation of famous lovers of all times. 1 m., 18 f. and Cupid. 35c, 
 
 MAJtRIED TO .\ SUFFRAGETTE. Bobbs is loft to 'tend the baby. Baby dis- 
 appears. Reward olTered. Babies returned by the dozen. Rare fun. 25c. 
 
 THE MASONIC RING. Society play of excellent literary merit, spicy and clever. 
 A succession of provokingly funny climaxes. Splendid for any time. 40c. 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE BAZAAJR. Money-making .^^pecialty. .Tolly folk from "Goose- 
 land" do cute stunts, sing catchy rhymes, selling their wares, etc. 25c. 
 
 OLD COLONY DAYS. New dramatization of the Courtship of Miles Standish. 
 reproducing story in Inniiuage of the poem. 3 m., 1 f., or more. 1 V^ hrs. 35c. 
 
 A PLAIE FOR 3IERRIE MAY TYME. Adaptation of old English Maypole game 
 and folk dance, with music of period. 14 females. 35 minutes. 25c. 
 
 PIPPET PLAYS FOR SPECIAL DAYS. Contains ten puppet plays arranged for 
 all the holidays and special days of the school year. Verv easily produced. 40c. 
 
 THE RUM>L\GE SALE AT HICKORY HOLLOW. One of those little satires 
 that provokes the merriest humor. Rare old treasures "sacriflced." 25c. 
 
 THE SALOON MUST GO. An engaging but powerful anti-saloon play. Splendid 
 for campaign. A lK)mbardment of hot shot, song and story. 25c. 
 
 SHAKESPE.VRE UP-TO-DATE. A nonsense play in which well-known Shake- 
 si>earean characters face present-day problems. 6 females. 30 minutes. 35c. 
 
 TWO MERRY WAGFZRS. Society play for adults. 1 m., 3 f. Plot interesting, 
 style excellent. Good opportunity for Irish female. I'lays about 30 minutes. 
 One scene. 25c. 
 
 UP-TO-DATE AMERICA or THE SWEET GIRL GRADUATE'S DREAM. 
 Uniipie, humorous, surprising climax. 10 m., 10 f., or more. 1 1^ hours. 35c, 
 
 VERA'S VACATION. Nothing so delightful as this absorbing "story" of a vaca- 
 tion with summer boarders. Eccentric characters. Rich fun. 4 m., 5 f. 35c. 
 
 THE WAIF'S THANTiSGIVING. Play. Appreciation of wealthy lady shown 
 
 waif, leads to recovery of her little kiilnapped son. Charming. 5 m., 4 f. 35c. 
 WHEN PAW-P.VW COUNTY WENT DRY. Thrilling drama of action. Ban- 
 ners, processions, songs, argument, love. Exciting plot. Loads of fun, 35c. 
 A WOMAN'S PRIVILEGE. Three-act play suitable for high school. Foolish 
 fads and fancies of present-day styles; democracy in dress wins. A presentation 
 of a needed reform. 3 males, 8 females. 35c. 
 WOOING JANE. A bright and vivacious parlor scene. Thurston's train leaves in 
 half hour. His proposal to Jane is provokingly interrupted, but he succeeds. 25c, 
 
 Operettas 
 
 THE BELLES OF FOL-DE-ROL. An operetta for adults. Wrrtten for voices 
 of medium range throughout. Text and musical setting are most excellent; high- 
 class production. 8 males, 7 females; chorus if desired. 50o. 
 
 THE FLOWER NYMPHS' SUTRPRISE. Spectacular operetta. Music brilliant 
 and captivating. Charming production. Good for last day. 8 m., 8 f. 35c. 
 
 JACK mOST'S MISTAKE. Clever operetta. Jack and Sprites "wake up" Santa, 
 mistaking Thanksgiving for Christmas; brisk and jolly; 3 or more boys. 35c, 
 
 QIEEN OF THE YEAR. Winter cantata for schools. Any number of boys and 
 girls. Music simple, but unusually pleasing. 25c. 
 
 THE RUN-A-WAY BEAR. Full of spicy fun. Music dn'nty and exceptionally 
 pretty. Introduces "T( ddy Bear Parade." etc. Very cle^'^r. 50o, 
 
 THE TOYS' REBELLION. I'niqne operetta. Dolls' and toys refuse to leave Toy- 
 laud. Santa happily adjusts matters. Bright and oleasing. 40c. 
 
 (b) 
 
Famous Funny Farces 
 
 FIVE FOR 25 CENTS. NOT LESS THAN FIVE SOLD 
 
 AUNT JANE VISITS SCHOOL. By Jeannette Joyce. Any number of males and 
 , females. Aunt Jane spends a morninK in a modern school. A roariuj; farce. 
 AUNT JEKUSHA AND l^NCLE JOSH. By Effie I>iuise Koogle. 1 male. 2 
 
 females. Tbese eccentric folks visit tlie scliuol, pioduciug no end of fun. 
 AUNT LCCINDA STAYS. By Willis N. Biiubee. 2 males. 2 females. Two darky 
 
 cbaraclers make lots of fun. Clever and clean. 
 ♦rBEAT IT!" By Willis N. Bniziiee. 'A males, 1 female. A scolding wife makes 
 
 trouble lor everybody, Ibe pari-uu included. Oceans of fun. 
 BETTY AND BETSY. By Willis N. Bugliee. 2 males. 2 females. Betsy was 
 
 advertised lor sale, but be wanted Betty. Bright and pretty. 
 THE Bl GTOWN BAND. By Aroliibald Humboldt. 4 males, 1 female. More 
 
 fun than you can imagine, and a little music which anybody can make. 
 THE BUZZVILLE NEWS. By KQio Louise Kooiile. 2 males, 1 female. A breezy 
 
 conversation between the manat;er and new eilitor. A sure hit. 
 DOT ENTERTAINS. By Elizabeth F. Guptill. 1 male, 1 female. Dot entertains 
 
 her big sister's beau, and the things she tells him are a ])lenty. A big success. 
 THE GOOSE FEATHERBED. By Willis N. Biigbee. 4 males, 1 female. A 
 
 dandy little play for Irish and eccentric characters. Easy and amusing. 
 HASTE M.AIiES "WASTE. By Darriette Wilbur. .3 males. Young drug. clerk 
 
 grabs the wrong buttle, and learns that haste makes waste. 
 IN A DOCTOR'S OFFICE. By Jennnette Joyce. 4 males, G f<'males. A laugh- 
 able take-off on the si)ecialist of today, in which some of the follies of humanity 
 
 are exposed. 
 LAC(JHTER AND SONG. By Archibald numboldt. .3 males, 4 females. C'.*fnlc 
 
 dialog interspersed with jolly songs, making a continuous funny story. 
 LOOK OFT FOR IIEZEKIAH. By Louise R. Bascom. 3 males, 1 female. Hay- 
 seed parents visit college deau. Splendid opi>orluuity for clever acting. 
 THE LUNATIC OR THE PROFESSOR. By Louise R. Ba«eom. 2 males. 2 
 
 females. Lunatic mistaken for brain specialist; hard on the lunatic. Great. 
 MORE TIME OUT. By Carolyn F. Rice, 7 females. An amusitig comedy dealing 
 
 with the servant problem. The characters are strongly cobirasled. Effective. 
 NO PEDDLERS AD.MITTED. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 1 female. The 
 
 busv man intended not to buy, but the peddler had a suave manner. 
 A PROPOSAL IN GR.VNDMA'S DAY. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 fe- 
 males. Full of fun. 
 "OH, Y'OU TEACHER!" Bv C. A. Donaldson. 8 males. 4 females. A splendid 
 
 comedy of school lite, showing the amateur teacher's trials. Suited for schools. 
 ONE ON THE AGENT. By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male. 1 female. A clever 
 
 skit, bright with telling repartee. Recommended for all occasions. 
 THE "PHYSICAL TORTURE" CLFB. By W. N. Bugbee. 2 m.. 2 f. Physical 
 
 culture exercises for which Ma is too stout and Pa is too rheumatic; funny. 
 RASTFS BLINK'S 3ITNSTRELS. By E. L. Koocle. For any number. His 
 
 "K.iuky Koous" are killing; joUiest minstrel show ever; deluge of drollery. 
 "SCAT!" By Ivonise Rand Bascom. 1 male. 1 female. Cunning attempt of an 
 
 old maid to prove her youth. Very laughable. 
 SEEING THE ANIMALS. By Clnra J. Denton. 1 male. 2 females. A swell 
 
 hotel clerk, a suifrawile and a si)oiled child make a lively time. A hit. 
 THE SQUASHVILLE FIRE BRIGADE. By W. N. Buebee. 3 males, 2 females. 
 
 and other flremen, if desired ; bright and snappy ; easy and clever. 
 THE STUPID WITNESS. By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males. The law.ver and 
 
 witness lock horus and have an awful time, but it's fun for the audience. 
 
 Swift and keen. 
 THE TRAIN LEAVES IN TEN MINUTES. By L. R. Bascom. 1 male. 2 
 
 females. Will they catch the train? The suspense is punctured by fun and wit. 
 THE TRAIN TO MORROW'. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 females. Con- 
 fusion in a railway station. Strikingly funny. 
 THE TRAVELING PHOTOGRAPHER. By Kate Alice White. 3 males. 2 
 
 females. He uiiexpi'ct<^dlv visits a farmer's family. All work is stopped and 
 
 they pose tor the picture. 
 AN UP-TO-DATE PROPOSAL. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 females. 
 
 Will keep the audience interested every minute. Effective when used with 
 "A I'roposal in Grandma's Day," but each complete in itself. 
 WANTED: A LICENSE TO WED. By Elizabeth F. Guptill. 2 males, 1 female 
 Humorous situation resulting from a misunderstanding. Irish dialect. 
 
 (c) 
 
Drills and Marches 
 
 THE CO>rPL.ETE DRIL.L1 BOOK. Contains seventeen drills saitable for all occa- 
 sion«!, including a tambourine drill, sword drill and the Virginia Reel. 40c. 
 
 A CiL'N DRILL. An up-to-the-minute drill for sixteen or any number of boys and 
 .1 drill master. Gives drill formation and manual of arms. 25c. 
 
 LITTLE GKANDMOTIIEKS' MARCH AND DRILL. Cute little drill and exer- 
 cise with cainiiesticks, teacups and knitting. Deliu'litful. 8 or 12 females. 25c. 
 
 MARCH'S MAJtCH 1-OR DRILLS AND MARCHES. Appropriate music to be 
 played while drills and marches are being executed. Marks time perfectly, is 
 easy. 35c. 
 
 ROSE MARCH AND DRILL. A beautiful spectacnlap entertainment. Costumes 
 easy to provide, but charming. Easy to learu. Strikingly effective. 25c. 
 
 SPEAR DRILL. Verj' easy entertainment to arrange. Costumes are simijlc, move- 
 ments not intricate. Suitable for small girls. Very pretty. IG girls. 25c. 
 
 SUNFLOWER M.VRCII. Very amusing. Costumes alike front and back. .Move- 
 ments provoke much merrimont. Full directions and diagrams. 10 boys. 25c. 
 
 The Ideal Series 
 
 SELECT READINGS AND RECITATIONS 
 
 Price, 25 cents each, postpaid 
 
 No. 1. Including pieces heroic, pathetic, dramatic and patriotic ; for adults. Sev- 
 eral selections by James Whitcomb Riley. 
 No. 2. Contains James Whitcomb Riley's "The Elf Child" and 50 other successful 
 
 selections. A splendid collection for young people. 
 No. 3. Almost a hutulnd entertaining selections for little children from 5 to 10 
 
 years. Spicy and clever. 
 No. 4. Thirty of the choicest Christmas selections, including two by James Whit- 
 comb Riley. Suitable for the crades. 
 No, 5. Contains "Jim" and "Griggsby's Station," by James Whitcomb Riley, and 
 
 oihif humorous and dialect readings. 
 No. G. These recitations are really comic without being coarse. Many are new. 
 
 All are good. 
 No. 7. A large number of dialogs for from 2 to G children. All suited for the 
 
 schoolroom. Sensible and interesting. 
 No. 8. Contains a poem by Riley and 25 standard readings, some of them quite 
 
 long. Excellent for elocutionists. 
 No. J>. Favorite I'oems by James Whitcomb Riley and other famous contributors. 
 
 An ideal collection for young people. 
 No. 10. Excellent selections from the best sources for the whole chain of holidays. 
 
 For older pupils. 
 No. 11. Over 40 brief schoolroom dialogs for little people. Interesting, instructive 
 
 and amusing. For 2, 3 or 4 characters. 
 No. 12. A generous collection of the choicest Christmas recitations. For the 
 
 grades. 
 No. 13, Contains readings from Riley, Prentice, B. F. Taylor, Lee Harris and 
 
 other noted writers. For adults. 
 No. 14. More than four-score captivating little recitations for children 5 to 10 
 
 years. A famous collection. 
 No. 15. For children from 5 to 10 years. Delightful little dialogs that will appeal 
 
 to the children and please the audience. 
 No. 16. The choicest humorous and dialect selections by James Whitcomb Riley, 
 
 Ben King, Mark Twain, Frank L. Stanton, Mr. Dooley and others of the highest 
 
 class. Rich. 
 
 The Century Series 
 
 BBADINGS, RECITATIONS AND DIALOGS 
 
 Cloth bound. Price 60 cents each, postpaid 
 
 Each volume is composed of three numbers of the Ideal Series, which provide 
 the most acceptable material for entertainments. In every volume will be found 
 many pieces of exceptional merit, from the very best authors, including a large 
 number from James Whitcomb Riley. The selections are unsurpassed in freshness 
 and desirability. The set comprises a library of good literature unexcelled. Hand- 
 somely bound in cloth, 12mo.. about 250 pages in each volume. 
 
 No. 1. For Schools and Colleges. 
 
 No, 2. For Christmas and other Holidays. 
 
 No. 3. For Little Children. 
 
 No. 4, For Yotmg People. 
 
 No. 5. Humorous and Comic. 
 
 <e) 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 Patriotic Enterta 
 
 THE COMPLETE FLAG BOOK. Contains plaj 
 information concerning origin and history of tiie 
 
 THE CONTEST OF THE NATIONS. Revis^ed r\ r\-i-7 Ar\r\ yioo ;r 
 
 cantata. 13 females, Goddesis of Liberty and U Ul / 4UU 4ob iD 
 
 crown. Very effective. 35c. 
 
 EXEMPTION. Playlet in one act. 2 males, 8 femaies. — ov-m fuuies. — xwu wiT^e» 
 object to their husbands' enlLstiug, converted by a letter from Germany. 15c. 
 
 FOR LIBEKTVS SAKE. 4 m., G f. Patriotic play in three acts. A mother re- 
 luctantly gives up her boy; he answers his country's call; after the supreme sacri- 
 fice is made, she, with a clearer vision, renews her allegiance to the cause. 15c. 
 
 A GUN DRILL. An up-to-the-minute drill for sixteen or any number of boys and 
 a drill master. Gives drill formations and manual of arms. 25c. 
 
 THE 3IAN WITHOUT A COUNTRY. A faithful dramatization of Edward 
 Everett Hale's well-known story ; dramatic scenes ; five acts full of patriotic 
 fervor, lovalty to country, etc. 35c. 
 
 THE MELTING POT, or THE AMERICANIZATION OF THE STRANGERS 
 WITHIN OUR GATES. Introduces Uncle fcjam, a Boy Scout, American school- 
 room. Splendid climax. 35c. 
 
 OUR OWN BELOVED AMERICA. Unique patriotic exercise. Presents the cos- 
 mopolitan character of Americans. Characters required: the reader and male 
 representative for each country. 25c. 
 
 "OVER HERE." A musical patriotic prosram in which any number of boys and 
 girls may take part, and explain in ori<,'inal songs their share in war work. 2j5c. 
 
 PATRIOTIC AND OTHER EXERCISES. Contains patriotic exercises and an 
 .Tbundance of humorous and pleasins recitations suitable for any time. 25c. 
 
 SHOUTING THE BATTLE CRY OF "FEED 'EM." Patriotic play for children. 
 United States Farmer, Farm Hands and Products welcome Family of Nations, 
 assuring abundance for all. 2.5c. 
 
 THE SPY AT ST. AGNES. 12 females. Three-act patriotic play full of dramatic 
 possil>ilities. Tlie heroine compromises herself, but proves her lovalty. 35c. 
 
 THE STARS AND STRIPES JUBILEE. Spectacular entertainment. Introduces 
 Uncle Sam, Columbia and representatives. Includes march, striking solos and 
 choruses. 7 males. 2S females. 35c. 
 
 UNCLE SAM'S BRIGADE. Camping scene, bright songs, spicy dialog. Finale 
 of national airs and tableaas. Anv number of bovs and Uncle Sam. 25c. 
 
 UNCLE SAM'S RIGHT ARM. Uncle Sam marshals his forces and calls to his aid 
 boys and girls who represent Soldiers, Sailors, Farmers, Thrift Stamps, etc. 25c. 
 
 TIIE "WAR CHEST." Filled with material for every patriotic program. A 
 collection of plays, drills, songs and recitations. 35c. 
 
 ■H-j-pn TRUMPET AND DRUM. ■ A patriotic compendium. Collection of practical 
 recitations, stirring dialogs, inspiring songs and other exercises. 40c. 
 
 Patriotic Songs 
 
 AMERICA FOR ME. New patriotic song. Wonderfully stirring and inspiring. 35c. 
 
 EMBLEM OF FREEDOM. A flag song with plenty of action. A fitting tribute 
 to Old Glory. Solo or chorus. 35c. 
 
 PATRIOTIC PEP. A rousing new song that sparkles with "pep" and vim. Brim- 
 ful of dash and inspiration. A capital march. 35c. 
 
 THE SAILOR LAD. A new march song. Ringing with patriotism, enthusiastic 
 in sentiment, possessing an irresistible swing. 35c. 
 
 WAVE OLD GLORY. A patriotic song with rousing chorus. A splendid march- 
 ing song. 35c. 
 
 WRAP ME IN THE DEAR OLD FLAG, BOYS. Suitable for any patriotic 
 occasion. May be sung as solo or rendered as a musical recitation, 35c. 
 
 Monologs 
 
 THE DAYS THAT ARE GONE and SCHOOL DAYS, with lesson talks. These 
 
 two monologs will be welcomed by those who want something of unusual merit. 
 
 15c. 
 MRS. HYDEBOUND'S VIEWS ON ECONOMY. An elderly matron gives Mrs. 
 
 Newlywed advice. Dialect. 15c. 
 'LIZA ON SUFFRAGE. She cleans the oflBce, but knows more about suffrage than 
 
 any one concerned. Negro dialect. 15c. 
 THE TRAIN STARTS. Johnny is leaving on his first trip, but he gets homesick 
 
 before the train starts. 15c. 
 WHAT SHE SAW AT THE GAME. A young matron, her husband and small 
 
 son attend the game. Very entertaining. 15c.