\ .r* «* V ^ ♦!*.?• CV j,v ♦T../W''* y V ^.= /% i^.' /\ --B'* >*''** ''^ ^^^ . >.*,Lj»*1 The Carolyn Wells Year Book OF Old Favorites and New Fancies for 1909 Pictures for Each Month by Mrs. M. E. Leonard, with Cover and 12 Sketches by Miss Bertha Stuart, and Further Pictures by C. De Fornaro, Oliver Herford, and Strothmann NEW YORK HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY UBKARYof CGNGRE6S iwu CoDies r(ec«iye« SEP 9 . WOb 2-/ O^ioLj^/ 2 5-3:? Copyright, 1908, HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY The pictures for the months by Mrs. M. E. Leonard, Copyright, 1903, by the Century Company. Published September^ IQ08 TO My Best Beloved Cousin ggiineB Smgtl) CONTENTS General Misinformation. Time's Resolutions. Rates of Postage (Revised). January. With picture by Mrs. M. E. Leonard. Maxims for the New Year — The Tutor — The 4:04 Train ....... January The Rubaiyat of Little Old New York. Head- piece by Miss Bertha Stuart Recent Scientific Progress and Invention The Spelling Lesson. With picture by Oliver Herford .... . . Stage Whispers. February. With picture by Mrs. M. E. Leonard. ''N'Yawk's de Place": a Rondeau . Lincoln's Birthday ...... Old Valentines. Headpiece by Miss Bertha Stuart ........ George Washington and That Cherry Tree . March. With picture by Mrs. M. E. Leonard. A Penitential Week. With picture by Oli\kr Herford ....... Financial Insurance ..... Saint Patrick's Day. A\'ith headpiece l)y Miss Bertha Stuart ...... Tips for Investors ...... The P'inancial Vampire. With a])()l()«^ics to Kip- ling. April. With i)i(ture by Mrs. M. K. Lkonard. April Fool. With dra\vin«^ by Miss Hi.imiia Stuart ....... Manh -\S -April Lent. A Universal I'Ikkor ... \pril .\ 10 \' January 3-16 January 17-23 January 24-30 Jan. 3 1 -Feb. 6 February 7-13 Fcl^ruarv 14-20 February 21-27 Feb. 28-March 6 Manh 7-13 Manli 14-20 Manh Ji-27 VI Contents An Easter Bonnet. With drawing by Oliver Herford April 11-17 /Esop Up to Date: The Milkmaid and Her Pail OF Milk April 18-24 Ode to Spring. May. With drawing by Mrs. M. E. Leonard. To ]MovE OR Not to Move. With drawing by Miss Bertha Stu.art ...... April 25 -May i To A :MiLK:iiAiD. AMth drawing by Oliver Her- ford ........ May 2-8 A Spring Picture ...... May 9-15 Specimen Page from the New^ Blue-ribbon Cook-book ....... May 16-22 About Abbie . . . . . . . May 23-29 June. With drawing by Mrs. Leonard. The Rubaiyat of Summer Khay'yam. A\'ith drawing by ]SIiss Bertha Stuart . . . May 30-June 5 The Sophisticated ]Maiden .... June 6-12 Disintegration of Peggy .... June 13-19 Cupid's Failure. . . . . . . June 20-26 July. With drawing by ]Mrs. ]M. E. Leonard. Summer School OF Philosophy .... June 27-July 3 Fourth of July, 1909. Headpiece by Miss Bertha Stuart ........ July 4-10 Pro\'erbial Patriotism ..... July 11-17 A Warning to the Summer Girl . . . July 18-24 A Tale of the Tropics. With drawing by C. De Fornaro ....... July 25-31 August. With drawing by ]Mrs. M. E. Leonard. Vindication of the Limerick: being the orig- inal ''Lady and the Tiger," with such ver- sions AS might have been made by Chaucer, Dobson, Rossetti, Omar, Tennyson, Kipling, Browning, Poe, and Longfelloav. With four drawings by Strothmann .... August 1-7 A Hen Who Resided in Reading j There Was a Young Lady of Butte ( Limericks: August There Once Was an Honest Old Goose t 8-14 There Once Was an Affable Liar J Contents vii A Primer of Literature ..... August 15-21 The Passing of the Summer Girl. With deccj ra- tion by Miss Bertha Stuart .... August 22-28 September. With drawing by Mrs. M. E. Leon- ard. An Automobile Primer ..... Aug. 29-Sept. 4 A Modern Damosel. With apologies to Rossetti. Sept. 5-1 1 Greeting to an Automobile. With decoration tion by Miss Bertha Stuart .... Sept. 12-18 ''I Remember, I Kemember the Car I Used to Drive" ....... September 19-25 October. With drawing by Mrs. M. E. Leonard. Proverbs of New York Streets . . . Sept. 25-Oct. 2 Bubbles of Wisdom ...... October 3-9 Chromo in Prose ...... October 10-16 The Flatiron. With drawing by Miss Bertha Stuart ........ October 17-23 The Heart of the City ..... October 24-30 November. With drawing by Mrs. M. E. Leonard. Election Day ....... Oct. 31 -Nov. 6 The A B C of Golf ...... November 7-13 The Hippodrome. With picture by Miss Bertha Stuart ........ November 14-20 Thanksgiving Day ...... November 21-27 December. With drawing by Mrs. M. E. Leonard. The Land of Loo-la-lee: a Nonsense Song . Nov. 28-Dec. 4 When Santa Claus and Cupid Met: a Legend . December 5-1 1 Out OF All Proportion ..... December 12-1S Her Christmas Shopping ..... December 19-25 A Spendthrift. **The Year Was Departing — The Very Last Day." With picture by Miss Bertha Stuart ...... December 26-31 Metropolitan Guide-book and Dictionary of Later New York. General Misinformation. Eclipses. As usual, there are no real good eclipses in 1909. From childhood, we have turned each year to the first pages of the almanac in hope of a good rousing eclipse, only to find that of the three or four miserable little affairs offered, most are annular eclipses or lunar appulses (whatever they are!), and are visible only from uninhabited and inaccessible islands in the Pacific ocean. This year is no exception. Legal Holidays. The legal holidays in the United States are badly distrib- uted, and they ought to be shuffled and dealt again. Feb- ruary 12th and 2 2d are too near together, and it's a bad month to go holidaying anyhow. In June, August, and October, the most desirable months for picnicking, there are no holi- days. All summer, from July 4th till Labor Day, life is an unbroken grind. Fixed and Movable Feasts. Fixed Feasts are Afternoon Teas, Public Dinners, and Wedding Breakfasts. Movable Feasts are those eaten at sea. Chronological Cycles. Dominical Letters, T. R. Golden Number, 23. Rates of Postage. (Revised.) First Class: Polite Literature, Love Letters, Valentines, Certified Checks, Money Orders, and Invitations to Dinner, 2 c. per oz. Second Class : Most Newspapers and nearly all Magazines, when mailed by the Public, i c. per 4 oz. Third Class: Novels, Nature Books, Circulars, Plants, I c. per 2 oz. Fourth Class: Merchandise, Hats, Chinaware, Dress Sam- ples, Notions, I c. per oz. Unfit for the Mails: Bills Payable, Duns, Begging Letters. Morning and Evening Stars. (See Dramatic Notes.) Table of the Metric System. Ten mills make one million. Ten millions make one millionaire. Ten millionaires make one Oil Company. New Lamps for Old is the watchword of the day, and so we present herewith the new Zodiac, now for the first time given to the Public. It is an improvement in every way upon its predecessor, and will well repay thoughtful study. Time's Resolutions. a /""^OOD gracious me!" said Father Time, As he heard the pealing midnight chime, " That's the end of 1908 And 1909 is now the date. Ho! Paper and pens," to his page he spake, **My good resolutions I must make. For with every new year it devolves On me to make some fresh resolves. Now, of late, I've heard many people scold Because I've persisted in making them old. And as by their sorrow my heart is wrung, I'll resolve hereafter to make them young. There's another thing at which they rebel, — They often say, angrily, ' Time will tell!' So I now resolve that I never again Will tell a thing to mortal men. And then they have placed me under a ban Because Tide and I will wait for no man. Now, of course, for Tide I can not speak. But hereafter I'll wait for a man a week. Then there are some who think it wrong Because so slowly I drag along; So I'll resolve to hasten my gait And hurry on at a rapid rate. But there are others who arc downcast Because, they say, I fly so fast! Oh, deary me! What can I do? I can't go fast and slowly too. Well, the resolutions these pcoj)le make, The very next day they're sure to break. The whole thing a useless farce I call, And I think I won't make any at all!" Maxims for the New Year. ^ A man is known by the resolutions he keeps. A little New Year is a dangerous thing. Celebration is the thief of time. Only a fool never minds his change. \ The patient restaurant waiter is no loser. j A bird in the hand is as good as a feast. Money makes the time go. One touch of New Year's makes the whole world kin. Abstinence will happen in the best-regulated families. One swallow does not make the world go round. A fool and his money corrupt good manners. A rolling gait gathers remorse. Let us eat, drink, and be married, for to-morrow we dye. January 1-2, 1909 THE TUTOR A TUTOR who tooted the flute, Tried to teach two young tutors to toot; Said the two to the tutor, *' Is it harder to toot or To tutor two tooters to toot ? ' ' THE 4:04 TRAIN ' I ^HERE'S a train at 4 : 04," said Miss Jenny ; *' Four tickets I'll take. Have you any? " Said the man at the door : *' Not four for 4 : 04, For four for 4 : 04 is too many/' Fri. I Nevy Year's Day. Sat. 2 The Rubaiyat of Little Old New York.* V\/'AKE, for the Sun, who scattered into flight The Stars who loitered homeward through the Xight, Drives Xight along with them, and boldly strikes The Flatiron Building with a Shaft of Light. Now the New Year reviving old Resolves, The thoughtful Soul much Good Intent evolves; Then the Glad Hand of some Convivial Friend, Puts out, and once again the World Revolves. Think, in this batter' d, beautiful Broadway, AMiose Portals bid you Welcome, Xight and Day, How many a Politician with his Pomp Abode his destined Hour, and went his way. Each Morn a thousand Pleasures brings, you say; Yes, but where goes the Fun of Yesterday ? And the first Summer month of Kaltenborn Shall take Damrosch and Butterfly away. Well, let it take them! \Miat have we to do With Miss Maud Adams or with Mr. Drew? Let the Tragedians bluster as they will, Or Soubrettes call to Supper — heed not you. Indeed, the Horse Show's gone, with all its clothes, And Barnum's three-ring'd circus, no one knows; But still Diana poses as a Vane, And many a Spectacle the Garden shows. I sometimes think that never blows so sweet The Rose, as on the Stands along the street; (See following week.) * Copyright, 1904, by Life Publishing Co. Sun. 3 MoN. 4 - TuES. 5 Wed. 6 Thur. 7 Fri. 8 January 3-9, 1909 Sat. 9 The Rubaiyat of Little Old New York— Continued). And every Hyacinth and Daffodil The Florist's windows show, we love to Greet, A Book cf Verses or of Prose, maybe. Some Pictures now and then, to go and see; Caruso sinsing in the Opera — New York were Paradise enow for me. Perhaps a Musicale at half -past Three; Thin Bread and Butter, and a cup of Tea; Some little talk awhile of Me and Thee There was — and then no more of Thee and Me. Indeed, indeed, the Broadway cars of yore Were often blocked at Grand Street, or before; And then, and then came Spring, and like as not We'd be held up for twenty minutes more! Why. if a Man can fling his Haste aside, .\nd daily in the air of Heaven ride, Were't not a Shame — ^were't not a Shame for him In the close Subway stifling to abide ? Whose secret Presence, through the City's veins, Running Quicksilver-like its metal trains: Bringing all shapes from Harlem and The Bronx; They change at City Hall — ^but It remains. When you and I have passed away for aye. Oh, but the long, long while Xew York shall stay, Which of our Coming and Departure heeds As Automobiles heed the men they slay. A Moment's Halt — a momentary smell Of Gasoline. A whirr, a toot, a yell — And Lo! The Automobile has gone by. The Nothing it ran over? Wot t* ell I Ah, Love, could You and I make it our Biz To grasp this sorry Town of AMiirr and Whiz; Would we not shatter it to bits — and then Re-mould it just exactly as it is? Tamam. Sun. io- MON. II- TUES. 12- Wed. 13 . Thur. 14- Fri. 15 January 10-16, 1909 Sat. 16 Recent Scientific Progress and Invention. A CLE\'ER young inventor has turned his talent to good account in making a virtue of necessity. He buys up a quantity of necessities, whidi may be had at a low price in any department store. These he makes into virtues, and so great Is the d^nand at present for this line of goods, that he has no difficulty in disposing of his wares. This industry, advanced to proper proportions, will j&ll a long-felt want. Among other rapid srriies made by the rreat science of applied electricity is :: r :e for the : : r :" elec- tric-light verse. At :-- ^ : : rine cos: d. :t " be produced that is said v: t re 7 e: i.ncy all others in the market. T:ic ii.^::: :ir - ;:: 1-:. :il a con- denser and an adjustable meter. An improved rapid-fire gun nas already had its patent ap- plied for. As its name indicates, this invention is for the pur- pose of shooting the rapids, and will doubdess prove to be a decided improvement on the old-fashioned barreL A -: er : r . rurser.niAii is making a specialty of the 7 ambush. Heretofore, the wild and un- e e : - :* this valuable bush have afforded but 5 T : r brave soldiers. The fine, improved :^ : f re : 5 A^ 5nd a ready market among the Gc a .'SX ■O,.-- fe!^^ From Idle Idyls. Copyright, 1900, by Dodd Mead and Company. February 2 8-March 6, 1909 Sun. 28. MON. I TUES. 2 Wed. 3 Thur. 4 Fri. 5 Sat. 6 Ash Wednesday. Financial Assurance. INVESTIGATION is the thief of crime. A STOCK EXCHANGE is no robbery A PENNY shaved is two earned. GRAFT levels all ranks. THE root of money is the love of all evil. WTIERE ignorance pays best, His folly to get wise. MANY hands make light-fingered work. A PROFIT is not without honor, save in Wall Street. A NEW boom sweeps clean. A MAN with a pull is worth two with a push. IT is more blessed to give than to rebate. A LITTLE system is a dangerous thing. PRESIDENTS will happen in the best-regulated companies. A MAN is known by the Company he floats. TAKE care of the books and the funds will take care of them- selves. MONOPOLY is the best policy. A GOOD graft is rather to be chosen than great riches. THERE'S no tool like an old fool. DON'T kill the goose that buys the golden brick. ONLY a fool never changes his mine. IT is not good for man to make a loan. HE grafts best whose graft lasts. THE wages of syndicate is debt. Sun. 7 MoN. 8 TuES. 9 Wed. io . Thur. II. Fri. 12 March 7-13, 1909 Sat. 13 St. Patrick's Day. CAINT PATRICK was a noble saint, a noble saint was he; But why he's celebrated, is a mystery to me. I've hunted long and patiently through many a dusty book. But can't find where he used to live, or how he used to look. Of course I know tradition says that he invented snakes; (Or else the snakes invented him, — small difference it makes!) But no one cares for history in the bustle of to-day, So never mind his origin, St. Patrick's here to stay. In honor of no other Saint, such fine parades are seen; So, Hail to old St. Patrick! and the Wearin' of the Green! Marcfi 14-20, 1909 Sun. 14 . MoN. 15. TUES. 16- Wed. 17 Thur. 18 Fri. 19 Sat. 20 St. Patrick's Day. Tips For Investors. nriNNED-BEEF dealers should buy Can. Pac. Inmates of an insane asylum, Am. Loco. A new policeman, Greene Cop. The man who didn't win, Am. Beet. The bunco man. Con. Gas. The grafter, U. S. Steel. The elevated-road conductor, Mong. Shosh. Con. The Broadway squad. Majestic Copper. The spinster, Man. Beach. The new arrival, Un. Pac. The burglar's child. Pa. Steel. The sweet young thing, Am. Sugar. The Boston Culture Club, Mass. Gas. The convivialist, City Ry. The Pittsburg man, go to Maryland and Wash. iMarch 21-27, 1909 Sun. 21 - - - MON. 22 TuES. 23- Wed. 24.. .Thur. 25 Fri. 26.. Sat. 27 The Financial Vampire. (With apologies to Kipling.) A FOOL there was, and he bought some stock, -^"^ (Even as you and II) He was told it was strong as eternal rock ; (We called him a lamb of the newest flock) But the fool he bought an enormous block (Even as you and II) Oh, the risks we take and the deals we make, And the spoil of our head and hand. Belong to the Magnate who knew too much, (And now we know that he knew too much) But we didn't understand. A fool there was and his stock he sold, (Even as you and II) And then, with a bound, it upward rolled, (At the word of the Magnate who controlled) But the fool was scared and his feet got cold, . (Even as you and II) Oh, the toil we lost and the spoil we lost, And the excellent gains we planned. Belong to the ^I agnate who knew too much, (And now we know that he knew too much) But we didn't understand. A fool there was and his stock he held, (Even as you and II) And the price went down like a tree that's felled, (Yet somehow the ^Magnate's surplus swelled), But Ruin for that same fool was spelled, (Even as you and II) And it isn't the dross and it isn't the loss That stings like a redhot brand. It's coming to know that we don't know much, (Seeing at last we can never know much), And never can understand. FOR April the Zodiacal sign is the Donkey, who is the April Fool of the animal king- dom. He doesn't even know enough to go in when it rains. Men born under this sign arc stubborn and difficult to manage, and are often known as kickers. Ladies born under this sign are given to sudden bursts of tears, followed quickly by sunshiny smiles. They, too, arc sometimes high kickers. In this month A])ril Hopes abound, and are largely indulged in by \])ril Fools. Th(T(^'s no fool lik(^ an April Fool. April Fool. 'X'HE rain came down in torrents, And Mabel said, ''O Dear! I'll have to wear my waterproof, And rubbers, too, I fear.'' So, carefully protected. She started off to school; When suddenly the sun came out And chuckled, ^^ April Fool!" March 28-April 3, 1909 Sun. 28 MoN. 29 TuES. 30 - Wed. 31 Thur. I Fri. 2 Sat. 3 All Fools' Day. Lent. ^HE World said: "You look tired, Old Chap.'' "Yes/' said the Devil, "Methinks It must be time for my annual nap, — I'll just take forty winks." A Universal Error. "Vr O W here's a thing that puzzles me, A grave mistake it seems to be ; Why do we say our years are spent, When part of every one is Lent ? April 4-10, 1909 Sun. 4 MoN. 5 TuES. 6 Wed. 7 Thur. 8 Fri. 9 Sat. 10 Good F'riday. An Easter Bonnet.'*' ONCE there was an Easter Ixmnct With some wings and feathers on it. And a tiny, shiny biukle in a bit of ribbon shirred. Said the ladies, "Please inform us Why its bill is so enormous," And that foolish little Easter bonnet thought it was a bird! It slylv watched its chances, And, escaping people's glances. It flew straight out the window and it lighted on a tree. With fear its wings were quaking And its little frame was shaking. But it sat there smiling bravely though 'twas frightened as could be. Said the birds, "You're of our feather, Come and let us flock together." But the bonnet answered proudly, "I'm exclusive and select; And although I could be pleasant To an ostrich or a pheasant, For me to herd with common birds you really can't expect." Said a hunter, "This is pretty, I will take it home to Kitty," Then he aimed his gun and shot it, and it fell without a word. Then it gave a final flutter, And pertly seemed to mutter, "Well, after all, I'd rather be a Bonnet than a Bird." *From Idle Idyls. Copyright, 1900, by Dodd Mead and Company. Sun. II MON. 12- TuES. 13- Wed. 14 Thur. 15- Fri. 16 - April 11-17, 1909 Sat. 17 -/Esop Up to Date. The Milkmaid and Her Pail of Milk. A MILKMAID having been a Good Girl for a long Time, and Careful in her Work, her mistress gave her a Pail of New Milk all for herself. With the Pail on her Head she tripped Gayly away to the Market, saying to Herself: ''How Happy I am! For this Milk I shall get a Shilling; and with that Shilling I shall buy Twenty of the Eggs Laid by our Neighbor's fine Fowls. These Eggs I shall put under Mistress's old Hen, and even if only Half of the Chicks grow up and Thrive before next Fair time comes Round, I shall be able to Sell them for a Good Guinea. Then I shall Buy me a Monte Carlo Coat and an Ermine Stole, and I will Look so Bewitching that Robin will Come Up and Offer to be Friends again. But I won't make up Too Easily; when he Brings me Violets, I shall Toss My Head So-and " Here the Milkmaid gave her Head the Toss she was think- ing about, and the Pail of Milk was Dislodged from its rest- ing-Place on her Head. But, being a Member of a Ladies' Physical Culture Club, she Deftly Caught the Pail and Replaced It. All Turned Out as she had planned, and when Robin mar- ried her he gave her an Electric Automobile. Moral : Don't Discount Your Chickens Before thev are Hatched. April 18-24, 1909 Sun. 18. MoN. 19 TuES. 20.. Wed. 21 TiiUR. 22.. Fki. 23 Sa r. 24 t Ode to Spring. T-J AIL, gentle Spring, and rain, and snow! And let thy wild nor'westers blow. Bring us the damp and drizzling days, With intermittent sunny rays. Let sickly daisies crown thy hills, And unsuccessful daffodils; Let all the streets be mud and mire, And let us hover round the fire, WTiile we the truth about thee sing, L^ncertain, disappointing Spring! F B TjlTTAY is the month of organ-grinders, and the ]Mon- key is the Zodiacal sign. Those born this month show a remarkable reversion to type, and sometimes betray their Simian origin. Also, they are apt to have a fad of collecting coins. We don't know who was born this month, but probably Dar- win was. People born in May are apt to be of a rest- less, roving temperament, and often prefer moving to paying rent. The first of the month they fold their beds like the Arabs {cf. Folding Bedouins), and noisily steal away. To Move, or Not to Move (^lay istj. '^r'O move, or not to move: that is the question: -*- Whether 'tis better in this flat to suffer The slings and arrows of an outraged landlord. Or to take one with seven light rooms in Harlem, ^A'ithout an elevator. To pack, to move; No more; and by that move to say we end The subway jar and other natural shocks This flat is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished. To pack, to move; To move perchance to worse! Ay, there's the rub; For in that Harlem fl.at what ills may come When we have given up this present lease, ]Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes this Home, Sweet Home, so hard a life; For who would bear the troubles of a flat. The janitor's tongue, the proud cook's contumely, The smells of others' meals, the milk's delay, The violence of tradesmen, the steam heat (That always is too little or too much), When he himself might a quietus have In a small boarding-house ? Who'd stay here in gloom But that the dread of Harlem, far away. That undiscovered countr}- where is born The frisky goat, and sad-faced straphanger Traveling hours on end, puzzles the will And makes us rather keep the flat we have Than move to others that we know not of. Thus moving-day makes cowards of us all, And thus the happy thought of better quarters Is sicklied o'er with thought of broken things When enterprising movers pitch and tumble The barreled bric-a-brac and boxed-up glass, And we dare not bring action! Sun. 25 MoN. 26 TuES. 27 - Wed. 28 Thur. 29. Fri. 30 Sat. I . April 25-MAY i, 1909 To a Milkmaid.* T HAIL thee, O Milkmaid! ■■• Goddess of the gaudy morn, Hail! Across the mead tripping, Invariably across the mead tripping, The merry mead with cowslips blooming, With daisies blooming, The ^lilkmaid also more or less blooming! I hail thee, O Milkmaid! I recognize the value of thy pail in literature and art. AA hat were a pastoral poet without thee ? Oh, I know thee, Milkmaid! I hail thy jaunty juvenescence. I know thy eighteen summers and thy eternal springs. Ay, I know thy trials! I know how thou art outspread over pastoral poetry. Rampant, ubiquitous, inevitable, thy riotings in pastoral poetry. And in masterpieces of pastoral art! How oft have I seen thee sitting; On a tri-legged stool sitting; On the wrong side of the cow sitting; Garbed in all thy preposterous paraphernalia. I know thy paraphernalia — Yea, even thy impossible milkpail and thy improbable bodice. Short-skirted Siren! Big-hatted Beauty! What were the gentle spring without thee ? I hail thee! I hail thy vernality, and I rejoice in thy hackneyed ubiquitousness. I hail the superiority of thy inferiorness, and I lay at thv feet this garland of gratuitous Hails! *From Idle Idyls. Copyright, 1900, by Dodd Mead and Company. Sun. 2 MoN. 3 TuES. 4 Wed. 5 Thur. 6 Fri. 7 Sat. 8 May 2-8, 1909 A Spring Picture. ^TURXER ^ ^ ily 5cariet hills, A :; * :: T ':.:,! : : nno^heie; The ^ ^ :: r r :'^.z: r :: :; 7 :: soman rills, .\:. : ^ ? Z jnheur cx>w was grazu^ near. A ::f t: : r r ~ i- z : n the Verestschagin sky, T 7 7 r r 7 7 J : : doiids o'er^nead; A lanky Bume-J t liden, with a halo, wandered by, WTiile a Millet r^s : r f and hung his head. The primrose at the old stand, UoGsmned by the river s brim, A nightingale or two began to sing, And Bougaeieau's Bather muimurcd, as she went to take her swim: "I think that we shall ha^e a Coiot Sprii^." Sun. 9 MON. lO TUES. II Wed. 12 Thur. 13 Fri. 14 May 9 15, 1909 Sat. • 15 specimen Page from the New Blue-ribbon Cook-book. Scalloped Oysters. — Select firm, plump oysters, and scallop them evenly and neatly with a pair of sharp scissors. Now, with a needle threaded with pink silk if for a pink tea, or blue if you wish Blue Points, work a button-hole stitch round the scallops. When finished, press carefully on the wrong side with a hot iron. Shirred Eggs. — Carefully remove the shell from a fresh egg and hold the white and yolk firmly in the left hand. Now, with a fine needle and thread, gather the material in straight rows about half an inch apart. Draw up to the required ful- ness and fasten neatly the ends of thread. Flannel Cakes. — These are delicious for breakfast and are simply made by cutting out circular pieces of Canton flannel. Eat with spun sugar. Snow Pudding. — Take about four quarts, say four and a half, of fresh snow. Wash it in several waters, and put it to soak in hot water overnight. In the morning knead it up and set by the fire to rise. Add some melted glue and set aside to cool. Sponge Cake. — Procure a large, fine sponge from a reliable druggist and soak until soft. Beat it to a froth with half its weight in butter. Add some cream. If the cream is bad, whip it. Add the juice and grated rind of two eggs, and bake constantly. Angel Cake. — First catch your angel. Jelly Cake. — Purchase a good jellyfish and sweeten to taste. Spread between layers of marble cake made from the best Carrara marble. May 16-22, 1909 Sun. 16. MoN. 17 TUES. 18. Wed. 19 Thur. 20. Fri. 21 Sa'I\ 22 About Abbie. ^BBIE BEN ADAMS, may her life be spared, Awoke one night, and felt a trifle scared; For on her shirtwaist-box, cross-legged, sate A Vision writing on a little slate. Exceeding nervousness made Abbie quake ; And to the Vision timidly she spake : "What writest thou?" The Vision looked appalled At her presumption, and quite coldly drawled : " The list of Our Best People who depart For watering-places sumptuous and smart." '' And am I in it ? " asked Miss Abbie. '' No 1 " The scornful Vision said. "You're poor, you know." "I know," said Abbie; "I go where it's cheap. I can't afford mountains or prices steep. But ere you leave, just jot this item down, I never leave my cats to starve in town." The Vision wrote, and vanished. Next night, late. He came again, and brought his little slate. And showed the names of people really best. And lo! Miss Abbie's name led all the restl Sun. 23 . MoN. 24- TuES. 25 . Wed. 26 . Thur. 27. Fri. 28 May 23-29, 1909 Sat. 29. " I 'HE Zodiacal sign for ■*■ June is the Butterfly. Those born in June are of a frivolous, careless, happy, volatile, capricious, orna- lightscjme, gay, sportive, playful, winsome, buoyant, rollicking, frolicking disposition. The Sweet Girl Graduate is a June product, and that is why her butterfly nature demands such a large supply of flowers. There are also Sweet Boy Graduates, but they are more closely allied to the Grub. We don't know who were born in the month of the Butterfly, but probably John Luther Long and Oliver Herford. mental, tricksy, merry, jaunty, Kubaiyat of Summer Khayyam.* \A/'AKE 1 For the summer scatters into flight Your wife before you to some country site ; She'll take the children with her, and shell leave The parlor furniture done up in white. The cook indeed is gone. The waitress goes To-morrow. Their returning no one knows. But still there are cafes where one may dine, And some Roof Gardens have attractive shows. AMiether at Montauk Point or Babylon, To join your family, Fridays you must run; And then on Monday morning you come back. Tanned by the ocean breezes and the sun. * Copyright, 1906, by The Delineator. Rubaiyat of Summer Khayyam— (Continued). Ah, make the most of what we }'et may spend, Before we, too, down to the shore must wend ; Cramped in small rooms, fed on distressing food. Sans wine, sans song, sans dinner, and sans friend. Myself when young did eagerly frequent Summer hotels, and gladly paid the rent. Nor grumbled at the bill ; but now I know 'Twas money most egregiously misspent. Waste not your hour in silly, vapid talk. Meandering up and down the long board walk. Better be jocund with a friend or two, On summer nights, in Little Old New York. And that inverted box they call your room, Whereunder crawling, cooped, you live in gloom ; Lift not your hands at it, for it is not More dark or small than any other tomb. Yesterday's roast this breakfast did prepare. To-morrow's soup or ragout still is there; Eat, for you know not whence it camp or why, Eat, for you know not when you go or where. The Bill no question makes of Ayes or Noes; It's high or low, as your appearance goes. And he behind the desk, who makes it out, — He knows how much you're worth, — he knows, — he knows! The smiling clerk jusl writes, and lia\inij; writ. It's due. Nor all \()ur bluster nor your grit Shall lure him back to cancel a mistake. Nor all \'()ur raire mark off a chari/c of it. Rubaiyat of Summer Khayyam — (Continued). Indeed I vowed I'd never go there more ; I swore (but was I sober when I swore ?), And then my wife wrote up, and I went down, Exactly as I went the week before. ^^'ould but some winged angel, ere too late, Arrest the yet unfolded roll of fate, And all those Summer Hotels by the Sea Wipe out, expunge and quite obhterate. Ah, Love, could you and I but have our say, About this Sony scheme of Summers gay ; We'd shatter it to little bits and then Re-mould it nearer to dear old Broadwav. May 30-JuNE 5, 1909 Sun. 30 MoN. 31 - TUES. I Wed. 2 Thur. 3 ¥ri. 4 Sat. 5 Memorial Day. The Sophisticated Maiden. A YOUNG man and a maiden were betrothed. "Dearest one," said the young man, "I love thee. So great is my devotion that if another should but cast loving glances at thee, a fearsome thing would happen." '' What might it be ?" quoth the maiden. ''Even that I would kill him. Dost believe me?^' ''Nay," quoth the maiden» " Nay ? But I protest to thee, I vow, I swear, that if another were to make love to thee, his life should pay forfeit! By yonder moon, I swear 1 Dost believe me now?" "Nay," quoth the maiden. "Now, what meanest thou? Why behevest thou not that I would kill the dastard villain ?" "Because," quoth the maiden, "thou wouldst not know aught about it." June 6-12, 1909 Sun. 6 MoN. 7 TuES. 8. Wed. Thur. 10. Fri. II Sat. 12 Disintegration of Peggy. VU'HILE the moon shone fair abovCj Jack told Pegg}' of his love. With a blush of shy surprise, Pretty Pegg}* dropped her eyes. Very fortunately. Jack Picked them up and put them back; But, so inexpert was he, Peggy's face fell suddenly. Rescuing the pretty face. Jack returned it to its place. At the flattering words he said, Pretty Peggy lost her head. Diligently hunting round, Soon the head by Jack was found. Worn out by her own caprices, Prett}' Peg went all to pieces. Then, as might have been expected^ Patient Jack the bits collected; AMien new sorrows filled his cup — Pretty Peg was all broke up. \'ainly then the lover strove For to reconstruct his love. Unto fate he bowed his neck — Pecjcrv' was a total wreck. Sun. 13. MoN. 14 TuES. 15- Wed. 16.. Thur. 17 Fri. 18.. Sa'I". i() June 13-19, 1909 Cupid's Failure. r^UPID, one day, in idle quest, Fitted a dainty dart And aimed it at Priscilla's breast, To strike Priscilla's heart. Clean through it went, no heart was there ; Said Cupid, ^'I believe Priscilla's just the girl to wear Her heart upon her sleeve." But there, alack! it was not found; "Aha!" cried Cupid, "note Her frightened air; now I'll be bound Her heart is in her throat." Failure again. On slender chance He one more arrow shoots; Assuming from her downcast glance, Her heart is in her boots. Foiled, Cupid threw aside his bow; "She has no heart," said he. (He did not know that long ago She gave her heart to me.) Sun. 20 MON. 21- TuES. 22 - Wed. 23 . Thur. 24. Fri. 25 Sat. 26 June 20-26, 1909 T^HE Zodiacal sign for July is the Eagle. All Americans agree that the Eagle is the whole scream, and all small boys born this month consider themselves very lucky to be alive. Patriotic citizens celebrate the Fourth of July, but anxious mothers celebrate the Fifth of July, if their children are still alive. On Independence Day the American Eagle is at home, and offers his guests firecrackers and gunpowder tea. In the evening are displayed fire- works followed by waterworks. The Summer School of Philosophy. (^NE touch of sunburn makes the whole world skin. The Summer Girl makes cowards of us- all. The proof of the picnic is in the eating. Surf bathing levels all ranks. There's no fool like a summer fool. Flirting is its own reward. A hand in the hand is w^orth tw^o in the gloves. A little Summer Girl is a dangerous thing. Seaside communications corrupt good manners. Absence makes the heart go yonder. Hilarity covers a multitude of sins. Faint heart never won four ladies. Money makes the time go. Take care of the tents and the towns will take care of them- selves. Two chaperons are better than one. A man is known by the secrets he keeps. Nice men tell no tales. In a multitude of Summer Girls there is safety. It's a long head that has no turning. It's a sea breeze that blows nobodv o;ood. June 27-JuLY 3, 1909 Sun. 27 - - MoN. 28- TuEs. 29- Wed. 30 . Thur. I Fri. Sap. 3 .>'r- Fourth of July, 1909. ^ OME on, my dear children, now let's have some fun, ^^ These big cannon crackers eo off like a gun. WTiat? You've put your left eye out? \Miat matters an eye To one who would celebrate Fourth of Jtilvl Xow fire off your rifles, and set off your bombs. Don't mind if you do lose some fingers and thumbs. WTiat ? You've shattered your arm ? Tie it up in a sling. Don't stop the proceedings for such a small thing. -\nd now for the cannon, and now for the shell; The day is progressing exceedingly well. AMiat's that? Little Johnny has blown off an ear? Well, such things will happen. Don't cr\' so, my dear. These jumbo torpedoes go off mighty loud. Let's fire one right do'^'n in the midst of the crowd. WhdLl shrieking and howlingi Are many hurt? Yes":* Well, this celebration has been a success I July 4-10, 1909 Sun. 4 MoN. 5 TuES. 6. Wed. 7 Thur. 8 Fri. 9 Sat. 10 Independence Day. Proverbial Patriotism. A CCIDENTS will happen in the best-regulated fireworks. A shot in the hand is worth two in the gun. A little burning is a dangerous thing. He who shoots and runs away may live to shoot another day. Never look a gift cannon in the mouth. A penny saved is two burned. Cannon crackers alter faces. One good burn deserves another. Patriotism covers a multitude of sins. AMiosoever thy hand findeth to shoot, shoot with thy might It's an ill bomb that blows up nobody good. It's a wise father that knows his own child — the day after. Uneasy lies the head that wears bandages. A living boy is better than a dead patriot. Never put off till to-morrow what you can't fire to-night. Celebration is the thief of time. All's not cold that smoulders. A good aim is rather to be chosen than great stitches. Insurance is the best policy. A new bomb sweeps clean. Dead bovs tell no tales. Sun. II MoN. 12 TuES. 13 Wed. 14 Thur. 15 Fki. 16 July 11-17, 1909 Sat. 17 A Warning to the Summer Girl.* /^H, you Summer Girl! ^-^ You ridiculous, absurd, hackneved, overworked, adorable Summer Giri! You shirt-waisted goddess And sailor-hatted sylph, You picturesque potpourri of outing effects, You think you're great, Don't you ? And you are. You're a power, and a queen, and a tyrant. And you know it, And you glory in it. And I don't blame you. I think you're all right mvself. But— Although you rule your young men, Your swains and gallants, and cavaliers — Although you think All mankind bow beneath your sway, It isn't true. I defy you ! I! ' ' I am your lord and master, and of me you are afraid; Abjectly, shrinkingly, and shudderingly afraid. AMio am I ? I am Time, Father Time; your friend and ally now. But remember, I have you in my power, Irrevocably in my power, And at my will I can transform you into a crone. An old, wrinkled, haggard, toothless crone. But I won't do it — at least, not now. For a few years I will let you defy me. You may misuse me, waste me, and even try to kill me. And I will only ser^-e you faithfully in return, And bring you triumphs and happiness. But some day I will steal your treasures — Your bewitching gowns. And coquettish hats. Yes, and I will steal The roses from your cheeks And the sparkle from vour eyes. And then, milady, What will you do ? But meanwhile. Summer Girl, Have all the fun you can. And now. Run away and play. ♦Copyright, 1899, by Life Publishing Co. Sun. i8 MOxN. 19 TuES. 20. Wed. 21 Thur. 22. Fri. 23 Sat. 24 July 18-24, 1909 A Tale of the Tropics."^ /^H. once there was a gentleman residing in a tropic ^-^ ^Mlo had deli^tful impulses, humane and philanthiopic One day, when he went out to walk, he said, conventions flouting. ''I'll take this chance to give my pet orang-outang an outing!" And now, although I hate to drop this interesting topic, That's all I know of this old man, hmnane and philanthropic. ♦Verses and pictme copyxi^t, 1907, by Metropolitan Magaane. (Diawiiig by C De Faniait>.) Sun. 25 . MoN. 26- TuES. 27 Wed. 28. Thur. 29- Fri. 30 Sat. 31 July 25-31, 1909 AUGUST -^ T^IIE Zodiacal sign for August is the Bee. This is doubtless because bees are the only ( rea- lures that work in August. The l)usy, ])uzzy IWv works all the time and makes a great fuss a])out il. The Bee has always been held u]) as a ])atlern for (hildren to emidate, but so far it hasn't done mui li good. Probably under this sign were born August H. and other ('a])tains of Industry. ( )ld-fashione(l bees, such as Aj)])le bees, Sewing bees, eti., are ucvvv seen now; but the lUisy H., indicating lUis\bod\-. i^ always with us. A Vindication of the Limerick.* The Rlal Young Lady of Niokr. T T has been said by ignorant and undis- cerning would-be critics that the Limerick is not among the classic and best forms of poetry, and, indeed, some have gone so far as to say that it is not poetry at all. A brief consideration of its claims to preemi- nence among recognized forms of verse will soon convince any intelligent reader of its sujx^rlative w^orth and beauty. As a proof of this, let us consider the following Limerick, which in the opinion of connoisseurs is the best one ever written: There was a young lady of Niger, Who smiled as she rode on a tiger; They came back from the ride With the lady inside, And the smile on the face of the tiger. ♦Copyright, 1900, by Harp!) Who smiled 'neath tangles ot her hair, A Mndication of the himQrick (Continued). As her steed began his steady lope. (You like this style, I hope!) On and on they sped and on, TBacon and eggs and a bar o' soap!) On and on and on and on; (You see I've not much scope.) E'en ere they loped the second mile, The tiger 'gan his mouth to ope; Anon he halted for a while; Then went on ^^ith a pleasant smile, (Bacon and eggs and a bar o* soap!) Omar would have looked at the situation philosophically, and would have stmmied up his \'iews in some such characteristic lines as these: Wliy if the Soul can fling the Dust aside And smilins:. on a Tiger blithely ride. Were't not a Shajne, — were't not a Shame for him In stupid Niger tamely to abide ? Strange, is it not ? that of the ]SI}Tiads who Before us rode the Sandy Desert through, Xot one returns to tell us of the Road, ^Miich to discover we ride smilinsr. too. We are no other than a mo\'ing Row Of Magic Xiger-shapes that come and go Round with the Smile -illumined Tiger held In Midnight bv the Master of the Show. Tennyson would have seen a dramatic opportunity-, and would have gloried in his chance, thus: A Vindication of the Limerick — {Continued). Half a league, half a league, On the big tiger, Rode with a smiling face The lady of Niger. " Mad Rushed the Noble Steed.'* Mad rushed tlir noble stood, Smiled she and look no hood; Smiled at the breakneck speed Of the bi«r ti^ learned to walk calmly through the ^"*'*""^*''^ cyclone, relying on this adage: ''Take care of your hats, and your gowns will take care of themselves.'' October 17-23, 1909 Sun. 17 MoN. 18- TuES. 19 - Wed. 20 - Thur. 21 Fri. 22 SAr. 23 The Heart of the City. ■gETWEEN the Flatiron and the Times I often make up fooHsh rhymes; For in that noisy, ghttering mart I feel the city's beating heart. 'Tis but a stage, and all men mimes, Between the Flatiron and the Times. Between the Flatiron and the Times There are committed gravest crimes ; Patrician or plebeian knaves Delude their victims and their slaves. Some sin for fortunes, some for dimes, Between the Flatiron and the Times. Between the Flatiron and the Times Light laughter rings and music chimes; The gayest, happiest hours are spent. Glad hearts overflow with merriment; All types are there — all years — all climes — Between the Flatiron and the Times. Sun. 24 . MoN. 25 - TUES. 26.- Wed. 27- Thur. 28. Fri. 29 OcroBER 24-30, 1909 Sat. 30 NOVEMBER'S Zodiacal sign is the Turkey. Peo- ])le ]K)rn in November are always born hungry. This trait remains with them through Hfe. In November comes Thanksgiving Day, an occasion wliich makes go))l)lers r)f us all. Citizens Ijorn under the sign of the Turkey are pompous, loud-voiced, and apt to strut about in a lordly manner. Hut |)ride n\ust have a fall and their heads are often cut olT by the hatchet of Fate. Mary Queen of Scots was lK)rn under this sign, also several other noted So\crcigns. and some notorious Americans. Election Day. JgLECTION DAY is a lovely holiday. UsuaUy it falls on a pleasant day in the fall, when the leaves and the mugwumps are turning, and the candidates are w^ishing themselves many happy returns of the day. It is always a pleasant little game to hnd out when Election Day will be celebrated. There is a fascinating uncertainty about it, as it usually occurs on the first Monday after the second Tuesday, or something like that. But it is always a satisfactor}- occa- sion; for the shops are open in the morning, the theaters in the afternoon, and the whole town at night. October 3i-November 6, 1909 Sun. 31. MoN. I TUES. 2. Election Day. Wed. 3 . Thur. 4 . Fki. 5 Sat. 6 The A B C of Golf. A was an Amateur, plaj^ng his best. B was the Ball whidi he gayly addressed. C was the Caddie who followed him 'round. D was the Driver which dug up the ground. E was the Eye which he kept on the balL F was the Foursome he played in the falL G was the Golf which he thought that he played. H was the Hazard that left him dismayed. I was the Iron which he used fairly well. J was the Jerk which he couldn't make tell. K was the Knuckling of Knees he essayed. L was the Links where the great game was played. M was the Mashie, the club he liked best. N was the Niblick, he thought that a pest. was the Odds they gave him each game. P was the Putter which often missed aim. Q was the Quarter-swing, this made him mad. R was the Running Approach, quite as bad. S was the Stymie he tried to get by. T was the Tee which he built up too high. U was the Utilization of Wind. V was the \'amt}' shown when he grinned. W was the Waggle he gave ere he played. X the Excuses he frequently made. Y was his Youth, which for much was to blame. Z was the Zest which he brought to the game. Sun. 7 MoN. 8 TuES. 9 Wed. io . Thur. II FrI. 12 November 7-13, 1909 Sat. 13- The Hippodrome. /^NCE there was a man who went to the Hippodrome. And when he got there and saw all its marvels, he said: ''It can't be real — I must be hippodreaming." But he liked it so much that he said: ''Is this a hippodream? Then let me dream again." So the next night he hippodrome again, and this time he hippodreamed that he liked it better than ever. And he got the habit, and as he entered the lobby he always hummed softly: "I hippodrome I dwelt in marble halls." At last he began to wonder what might be the derivation of the word "hippodrome," and as he was long on scholarly lore, he knew that hippo was Greek for horse. So he realized that the whole thing was a horse dream, otherwise translated nightmare. Sun. 14- MoN. 15. TUES. 16- Wed. 17. Thur. 18- Fri. 19 Sat. 20 November 14-20, 1909 Thanksgiving Day. '\A^HEN autumn brings around the day Devoted to Thanksgiving, The children scream with laughter gay For very joy of living. And every sort of escapade Receives their commendation; But all agree a masquerade Is best for celebration. The boys and girls all swarm around, The crowd is hourly growing ; Straw-hatted and grotesquely gowned,- With tin horns loudly blowing. But dear old dames with snowy puffs, Tulle caps and Mechlin laces, Don^t scramble out and join the toughs In boys' clothes and false faces! November 21-27, 1909 Sun. 21 MON. 22- TuES. 23- Wed. 24 Thur. 25 Fri. 26 . Sat. 27 Thanksgiving Day. T'ODIACAL SIGN: The Reindeer. The whole month of December is given over to the in- fluence of the Santa Clausian species of Reindeer. People born under this sign are full of peace and good-will. Their voices are like chimes of bells, and their hearts are large and loving. I^vcn though of a cold and frosty exterior, they have a warm and generous nature l^eneath. They are never so happy as when they arc giving sonictliing, if it's onl)- a bit of advice, or a ])iccc of their mind. In DiMt-inbcr ])eoi)le give no thought to llic Past or tlic I'utun- They tliink only of the Prrsrnf. •^^^ir^-^wy^. The Land of Loo-la-lee. (A Nonsense Song.) r^OME with me, oh, come with me, To the land of Loo-la-lee, Where the pickles and the nickles Grow upon the tubsy tree ; Where the cows wear ruffled dresses Made of wax and water-cresses; Where the parrots live on carrots And the owls drink taffy tea. Come with me across the sea To the land of Loo-la-lee, Where the golden-haired canaries Row their boats across the prairies; Where the whaley dances gayly As upon his tail he spins. Holding fans in all his fins. Oh, such merry things you'll see In the land of Loo-la-lee! Come with me, oh, come with me! November 2 8-December 4, 1909 Sun. 28 MoN. 29 TuES. 30- Wed. I TlIUR. 2 Fri. 3 Sa'i\ 4 When Santa Glaus and Cupid Met. (.4 Legend.) VyHEN Santa Clans and Cupid met One day, the boy flew in a pet About some berries small and red. *^ They're mine! I want them!" Cupid said. But Santa Claus replied, "A\liat folly! Why, child, this is my Christmas holly." ^'I don't care!" cried the angry elf, *^I want those berries for myself!" A teardrop shone in either eye. "Tut, tut!" said Santa Claus; '^ don't cry; I'll keep my holly berries red, These white ones you may have instead." "All right," and Cupid gayly smiled (He's nothing but a silly child). "The white ones just as well will do; I rather think they're prettier, too.'' So, ever since at Christmas merry Santa Claus brings the holly berr}\ But Cupid (as perhaps you know). Brings for his gift the mistletoe. December 5-1 i, 1909 Sun. 5 MoN. 6 TUES. 7 Wed. 8 Thur. 9 Fri. 10 Sa r. 1 1 Out of All Proportion. (^X Christmas eve, as pretty Jane came tripping down the stair, The spicy smell of Christmas greens pervaded all the air. *^Now this I cannot understand/^ said Jane. "AMiy is it so? A hundred sprays of holly and but one of mistletoe!" December 12-18, 1909 Sun. 12- MoN. 13- TuES. 14- Wed. 15. Thur. 16. PRI. 17 Sai. 18 Her Christmas Shopping. Vy^HY do I have to shop? Upon my word, 'Tis utterly absurd The way I race And chase From place to place! The way I madly run from store to store, The bargains looking o'er; Trying to find some novel gift for Anne, Or Dan, Or Nan, Or hunting something new for Uncle Steve ; Seeking strong toys For Gertrude's boys, — They'd break a cannon-ball, I do believe! And all I J)uy, no doubt The children would be better off without. Nor do their elders care a cent about The little silver things, or blue delft clocks. Burnt leather fancy-work, embroidered stocks. Which they mendaciously pronounce the very Things they desire to make their Christmas merry! Ah, well. If I the truth must tell, I do the same; My fellow -sufferers I ought not to blame. So on I go, like any jaded hack; Buying, exchanging, often sending back. Pushed by the populace, jammed by the crowd. Muttering imprecations deep, not loud. So on I go, — And somehow, do you know ? I rather like it after all. Were I a millionaire, with servants at my call, To none would I entrust My Christmas shopping. No, I ever must Do that myself. It is my great delight To shop at Christmastide from morn till night. Sun. 19 MoN. 20 - TUES. 21- WeD. 22- Thur. 23- Fri. 24 - December 19-25, 1909 Sat. 25 Christiims. A Spendthrift. T^HE year was departing — the very last day -*■ Of the month of December was passing away — When old Mother Earth, with a slight quake of fear, Said: ''Father Time, please, could you spare me a year?" ''Zounds, Madam!" cried Time; " another year ? No! Where's the one that I gave you a twelvemonth ago?" "I spent it," replied Mother Earth, looking down; '^ You did? " thundered Time with a menacing frown; "Then give an account; if wisely 'twas spent, And none of it wasted, perhaps I'll relent." "I spent it as usual," confessed Mother Earth, "In the pursuit of happiness, pleasure and mirth." "What have you to show for it?" Father Time said. "Alas, I have nothing "; and Earth hung her head; "But if you will give me a new year to-night, I'll make earnest resolves to spend it aright." Time reached for his wallet and took out a year, Saying: "Those resolutions are worn out, I fear; But it's growing quite late, so take this one, then," And he gave Mother Earth 1910, Sun. 26- MoN. 27. TUES. 28- Wkd. 29 - Thur. 30 - December 26-31, 1909 Fri. 31 A Metropolitan Guide-book and Dictionary of Later New York.* CCIDENT — In case you are run over by an automobile or a trolley car, ask the nearest policeman to take you to a drug-store. Do not worry about the chauffeur or the motorman ; they will look out for them- selves. Ambulance — In case you are run over by an ambulance, jump in. Apartment Houses — Tenements in which flats conceal themselves under assumed names. Art Galleries — (See Europe.) Ashes — (See Street Cleaning Dept., or telephone to them.) Battery, The — A shady part of ]\Ianhattan Island. (See Assault and Battery.) Beaver Street — One of the first streets laid out in the city. In 1650 it was called the Beaver Graft, but since then graft has been transferred farther up-town. Blackwell's Island — One of the city's waterside resorts to which New-Yorkers frequently go for an outing. The resi- dences on the Island are large and imposing, and the majority are handsomely built of granite, in a feudal style of architec- ture. The residents are people of strong character and con- servative in their habits, though occasionally they let them- selves go. Those whose achievements enlitlc them to a so- journ on the Island may receive free ])asses and transporta- tion, and many are admitted on the strength of their convic- tions. Bowery, The — As its name im])lics, this is a shadv lane, in which green things ap])ear and are welcomed with dcHght. Breweries — There are eight \'-nine breweries in \ew \'ork city, and more are in ])rocess of construction. (See \V. C\ T. U.) ♦Copyright, IQ06, by LiU- PuMishiiu: Co. A Metropolitan Guide-book — {Continued). Bridges — New York has two kinds of bridge — the Brook- lyn Bridge and Bridge \Vhist. Patrons of both experience moments of great suspense. The total expense of each is about the same. Broadway — Broadway is divided into two parts, day and night. Except on cloudy or stormy days, one part is as bright and light as the other. Bronx Park — A large farm in the outlying district to the north, where a Zoo is said to exist. By the time you have found it, it will be time to return home — unless you went the the week before. Brooklyn — The support for the other end of the Bridge. Coffee Exchange — Victims of the coffee habit may here exchange the pernicious berr}' for neat packages of harmless substitutes made out of cornhusks, nutshells, or Boston brown- bread crumbs. Concerts — The name under which theatrical performances are given on Sunday. Consuls — Officials whom it is proper to consult if you are a foreigner. They will refer you to the Police, who will in turn refer you to the Charitable Societies, who will refer you to the Police, who will refer you to the Consuls, who will advise you to consult a lawyer. Cook's Tours — (See Intelligence Offices.) Costumes — (See Churches.) Daughters of the Revolution — A society of the feminine descendants of Revolutionary^ patriots. Daughters of the American Revolution — An organization of Dames, who created a Revolution in the Society of the Daughters of the Revolution, and made a Declaration of Independence therefrom. Department Stores — These are the urban development of the original countr}^ store. In them ever}1;hing may be bought and ever}^body sold. On certain days there are Bargain A Metropolitan Guide-hook— (ConHnued). Sales. These occasions are greatly enjoyed by the ladies, as they offer all the delightful crush and jam of an afternoon tea, without any necessity for good manners. Dog Fanciers — Persons with this peculiar partiality may patronize any of the hot frankfurter stands or pushcarts. Eden Mus6e — A place of entertainment where there are exhibited wax figures made up to look unlike noted people of the day. Elysian Fields — (Don't see Hoboken.) Harlem — A station at the other end of the Subway. Hell Gate — (See Subway Entrance.) Licenses — Special permits which must be obtained before one can sell gunpowder or kerosene, found a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, or write poetry. Manhattan Island — Twenty-two square miles of the Strenu- ous Life. Perambulators — (See Seeing Brooklyn.) Society of the Cincinnati — Composed of descendants of commissioned officers of the American Army in the War of the Revolution. Sons of the Revolution — Composed of descendants of sc^l- diers of the American Army in the War of the Revohition, who were snubbed by the Society of the Cincinnati. Sons of the American Revolution — Composed of descend- ants of the soldiers of the American Army in the War of the Revolution, who were snubbed by the Sons of the Revolution. Stock Exchange — This building is so constructed that it is largely made up of corners, but a seat on the floor of the hcnise may be had for eighty thousand (hollars. Although not adver- tised as a zoo, its inmates are bulls, bears, and lambs, all of whom are endeavoring to keep the wolf from the door. (Cf. Wild Animals I Have Known.) A Metropolitan Guide-book— Connnued). We a: i e r Bureau — 7 : - : ^ : z i :: i: .:. :f7r» G«- , \. '••'* a'^ ... -^^ '•• "^6 ^vT^V : J'^. V' HECKMAN jlpl ifl^; {.O-nK '.^K^* i?^ * HECKMAN BINDERY INC. |^ ^^ JAN 89 N. MANCHESTER, INDIANA 46962 v^.ii