PS 3505 
 .R675 
 H5 
 1916 
 Copy 1 
 
 PLAYS EXCHANGED. 
 
 \HCR.'5 Edition 
 • or Pl7\y3 ^ 
 
 His Methodist Foot 
 
 Price, 15 cents 
 
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 "Salter rTDT^HEK &cq. 
 
 BOCSTON 
 
B. yj. Pinero's Plays 
 
 Prlee^ 50 Kents Eacb 
 
 THF AMA7riN^ Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, five fe- 
 llll!a Al?IAt*V/ll^ males. Costumes, modern; scenery, not 
 difficult. Plays a full evening. 
 
 THE CABINET MINISTER 1^%, Z^ZJS^. ?oT 
 
 tumes, modern society; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening- 
 
 nANFiV ni'^^ Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, four fe- 
 UAmUl iJi\^S\ males. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two inte- 
 riors. Plays two hours and a half. 
 
 TOE? r* AV I A^n AITI7Y Comedy in Four Acts. Four males, 
 iriEi Uill LUliU \^U£.A ten females. Costumes, modern; 
 scenery, two interiors and an exterior. I'lays a full evening. 
 
 HIS HOUSE IN ORDER grf/riSr^cr^mi^l'-.^oTaitfi 
 
 scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 
 
 TU17 UAHHV PADQI7 Comedy iu Three Acts. Ten males, 
 inn nUDDi nUIVOEi eve females. Costumes, modern; 
 scenery easy. Plays two hours and a half. 
 
 inic Drama in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumes, 
 llxiij modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 
 
 I AP>Y RAIIMTIFin Play in Four Acts. Eight males, seven 
 UXlfl DV/UnlirULi females. Costumes, modern; scen- 
 ery, four interiors, not easy. Plays a full evening. 
 
 I FTTY I^i"^™^ i^ Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten males, five 
 JLEil i 1 females. Costumes, modern; scenery complicated. 
 Plays' a full vvening. 
 
 THF M '\^ *IQTI? ATI? Farce in Three Acts. Twelve males, 
 lOEi IMflOlOlIVi^IJLi four females. Costumes, modern; 
 scenery, au interior. Plays two hours and a half. 
 
 Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 
 
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 No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 
 
His Methodist Foot 
 
 A Farce in One Act 
 
 By 
 VANCE C. CRISS 
 
 BOSTON 
 
 WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 
 
 1916 
 
<S^ vi.'S 
 
 
 '^'^^l'^^ 
 
 ^ "^"x^ 
 
 His Methodist Foot 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 Book Agent. Mrs. Binks. 
 
 Mr. Jones. Mrs. Stubbs. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Lane. 
 
 Sally Jones. Mrs. Johnson. 
 Bobby Jones. 
 
 INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES 
 
 A dust cloth for Mrs. Jones. 
 
 A satchel with a book in it, to be carried under the coat, and a 
 note -book for the book agent. 
 
 A generous supply of chewing gum for Sally. 
 A bouquet to be brought in by Bobby. 
 
 Time In Playing. — Twenty minutes. 
 
 Copyright, 1916, by Walter H. Baker &jQo. 
 
 ©CIO 44560 ' 
 AUG -5 !9I6 
 
 '/t r j . 
 
CHARACTERS AND CHARACTERISTICS 
 
 Book Agent. A young man, a smooth talker, who has plenty 
 of self-confidence and who is not too flashily dressed. 
 
 Mr, Jones. Middle-aged man, not very well, but not very 
 shabbily dressed. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Middle-aged woman who is the boss of her own 
 home. At her last appearance she should wear her " Sunday " 
 clothes. At her other appearances she may wear over this cos- 
 tume a house apron. This will make entire change of costume 
 unnecessary. 
 
 Sally. A girl who is just beginning to find that men are at- 
 tractive. 
 
 Bobby. Should be played by a small person, costumed for an 
 eight or nine year old boy. 
 
 Mrs. Binks, Mrs. Stubbs, Mrs. Lane and Mrs. Johnson. 
 All middle-aged and about of the same type. Mrs. Binks and 
 Mrs. Lane are rather gushing ; Mrs. Stubbs is curious, and Mrs. 
 Johnson is sharp of face and very assertive. 
 
His Methodist Foot 
 
 SCENE.— ^« interior. In the left wall toward the front 
 there is a window, and above it, up staoe, a door lea din o; out- 
 of-doors. Opposite this door, in the right wall, there is 
 another door giving access to the rest of the house. There 
 IS a sofa or davenport down L. opposite the window, a table 
 at c, a chair at r. of stage and another one up c. against 
 the centre wallwhere a piafio may be placed also , tf convenient. 
 
 {Curtain rises and discloses Mrs. Jones dusting table.) 
 
 Mr. Jones {entering at door r. and approaching loife). 
 Martha, the new preacher just telephoned that he was on his 
 way here to call. He said he'd stopped on the road to let us 
 know, so he ought to be here right soon. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Sakes alive ! What's he a-comin' for on the 
 very day the Widow's Mite Circle is meetin' here t' sew ? We 
 ani't had a chanct t' talk hiin over yet, an' here he's a comin' 
 t' attend th' first meetin' we've had since he took charge o' th' 
 church. 
 
 Mr. Jones. I reckon it can't be helped, but maybe you'll 
 have a little better chance to size him up. I'm real glad he's 
 coining. I've never met him yet. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. No more have I. With all th' work I've had 
 t' do, an' him just gettin' settled, I ain't had a bit o' time t' go 
 callin'. I'll have t' be callin' on his wife right soon. 
 
 Mr. Jones. Wife! Great guns, Martha, he ain't even 
 married. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Ain't married ! That new clerk in Sanders' 
 store said he was married, an' had two childern. 
 
 Mr. Jones. Well, I can't help that. Deacon Skinner said 
 they were gettmg him partly because he was a young man, and, 
 not being married, might take more interest in the church. 
 
 {Door -be II rings.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Land sakes ! Who's that ? 
 
6 HIS METHODIST FOOT 
 
 Mr. Jones {after going to the window'). I don't know him, 
 so it must be the new preacher. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Here's a pretty mess; me with my sleeves 
 rolled up and apron on, an' all th' flour from bakin' them 
 cookies ain't off of my arms yet. Henry Jones, you'll have t' 
 open that door an' let him in. 
 
 Mr. Jones {suddenly grasping at throat). Great Chris- 
 topher ! I can't go. I ain't got any collar on. 
 
 {Bolts out door r.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones ( gazing angrily after husband). Well, I never ! 
 {Door-bell rings again.) All right, 1 heard you. You can 
 just wait a little bit for comin' when you're not wanted. {Lei- 
 surely wipes arms with dust cloth, rolls down sleeves, and goes 
 to door L. Opens door.) Come in. 
 
 Book Agent {entering with bow a?id ingratiating smile). 
 Mrs. Jones? 
 
 Mrs. Jones. You must be 
 
 Agent {extending hand). Ah, my dear Mrs. Jones, so de- 
 lighted to meet you. The Rev. Mr. Mutt 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Oh, I recognized you right away, even if I 
 ain't had th' pleasure o' meetin' you. I'm terrible sorry I 
 ain't been out t' hear you preach, but some o' my friends has 
 told me so much about you that I'd 'a' known you anywheres. 
 
 Agent {bewildered). But, ray dear Mrs. Jones 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Now you mustn't begin to scold. Rev. Mutt. 
 I promise you I'll do better after this. 
 
 Agent {still bewildered). But, Mrs. Jones, I'm sure you 
 don't understand. You see- 
 
 Mrs. Jones {confidently'). Yes, I do understand. I can 
 tell from th' way you're a-lookin' that you're a-criticizin* me 
 for not bein' fixed up. But you just take a cheer there. 
 {Points to chair nearest piano, and Agent sits doivn.) I've got 
 t' step out a rainnit or two an' fix up a little an' bring in th' 
 childern. Let me have your hat. S'posin' you set over there 
 on th' sofy. It's more comfortabler than them cheers. (Agent 
 moves over to settee; Mrs. Jones places his hat on the piano 
 and crosses to door r. Turns to Agent as she goes out.) I'll 
 be back in a minnit or two. 
 
 Agent {looking after Mrs, Jones ivith puzzled expression). 
 I certainly would like to know what's wrong with that sister. 
 She evidently doesn't know who I am ; but who in thunder 
 does she take me for ? 
 
HIS METHODIST FOOT 7 
 
 Mrs. Jones {off stage k.). Sally! Sally! 
 
 Agent. By George, I'll bet she thinks I'm that new 
 preacher I got to give me a list of names. 
 
 Mrs. Jones {e?itering with Sally Jones, r.). This here's 
 my daughter, Sally, an' if 1 do say it myself, she's about as 
 fine a daughter as they is in our church. Sally, this here's 
 Rev. Mutt. Come an' shake hands with him. 
 
 Sally {vigorously chewing gum, advances afid takes Agent's 
 outstretched hand). I'm tickled t' meet y'u. 
 
 Mus. Jones. Lawsame, Sally, ain't I told you better than 
 t' be a-chewin' gum when they's company here? Throw that 
 gum away this minnit ! 
 
 Sally. All right, ma. 
 
 [Puts gum under table afid takes chair nearest piatio.') 
 
 ""Mrs. Jones. You'll have t' excuse me again. I've got 
 some bakin' in th' oven, an' I've got t' fix up a bit. But I'll 
 be back right shortly, {Starts to leave.) 
 
 Agent {starting to rise). But, my dear Mrs. Jones 
 
 Mrs. Jones {wheelifig about). Now set right down. Rev. 
 Mutt. I won't be gone long. \_Exit, r. 
 
 Sally. There ain't no stoppin' ma when she sets her head. 
 Pa's quit tryin'. 
 
 Agent. I'm sure you must be quite a talented musician. 
 Won't you play for me? 
 
 Sally {doubtfully). What kinda pieces do you like ? 
 
 Agent. Oh, anything that's lively. 
 
 Sally {seating herself at the piano, after taking her gum 
 from under the table). Gee whiz, I was scared you'd want 
 some o' them hymn tunes, an' my teacher ain't long on that 
 kinda music. 
 
 (Sally plays a few measures of any popular ^^ rag,'* when 
 her mother, in consternation, enters R.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Sally Jones, what on earth do you mean, 
 a-playin' that kinda music when th' minister's here ! Do you 
 want t' disgrace th' whole fambly? Seems like you want t' 
 make th' new minister think you ain't had a bit o' raisin'. 
 
 Agent {conciliatingly). Why, Mrs. Jones, I like music like 
 that. It certainly started my Methodist foot. 
 
 Mrs. Jones {in surprise). Your Meth'dist foot ! Land 
 sakes, I thought you was a Babtist. 
 
8 HIS MHTflODloT FOOT 
 
 Agent {slightly confused'). Yes, yes, to be sure; I am a 
 Baptist, but you see, /you see — one of my grandmothers was a 
 Methodist. 
 
 Bobby Jones (eniet-ing -r.). Say, ma 
 
 Mrs. Jones {turning upon Bobby). Bobby Jones, whatever 
 do you mean, a-comin' in here a-lookin* Uke that? Didn't I 
 tell you you had t' clean up afore you could meet th' minister? 
 You come out here with me right now, an' I'll see that you get 
 a vvashin' that'll be a real washin'. 
 
 {Exit, R., dragging Bobby, who looks hack over his shoulder 
 at the Agent.) 
 
 Agent. Really, Miss Sally, you play remarkably well. 
 Your playing is a rare treat. 
 
 Sally {somewhat con/used). Aw, now, you're just a-sayin' 
 that. 
 
 Agent. No, indeed. I mean every word I say. ( Crosses 
 to piano and tries to take her hand, but she puts her hands be- 
 hind her back.) And beside that. Miss Sally, you're a won- 
 derfully charming girl. 
 
 Sally {giggling). Law sakes, Rev. Mutt, th' last preacher 
 we had never thought nothin' like that about me, or leastwise 
 he never said it. 
 
 Agent {taking her hand, at which Sally drops her head, 
 but glajices at him out of the corner of her eye and cJiews Jier 
 gum vigorously). Then he must have been a dull fellow. You 
 see, it didn't take me long to find out what a charming 
 
 Mrs. Jones {enter i?ig r., laith Bobby; stopping in middle 
 of room and raising her hands in conster?iation^. Laws 
 a-mercy, what's a-goin' on here. Rev. Mutt? You, a preacher, 
 a-holdin' my daughter's hand ! 
 
 Agent {hurriedly retur?iing to the settee). Really, my dear 
 Mrs. Jones, I don't see how any man, minister or any one else, 
 couid refrain from telling your daughter what a charming 
 young lady she is. 
 
 Mrs. Jones {completely mollified). Well, I reckon it ain't 
 for me t' be a-criticizin' a minister for appreciatin' my daugh- 
 ter, if I do say it myself. 
 
 Agent. No, indeed, Mrs. Jones; and Robert is really a 
 most i")ronnsing young man. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Oh, he's a good one all right. You jufjt 
 ought t' hear him say pieces. Bobby, let's hear you recite 
 that piece you said at school, Friday a week ago. 
 
HIS METHODIST FOOT 9 
 
 Bobby. Aw shucks, no. I ain't no girl, t' be a-sayin' 
 speeches all th' time. 
 
 Mrs. Jones [raisifig a threatening fi?iger). Robert Jones, 
 you'll do what I say, or I'll take you out t' th' wood-shed. Do 
 you think I'm a-goin' t' let th' new minister think I ain't th' 
 boss in my own home? {Takes chair 7iear est piano. Bobby 
 reluctantly stations himself at extreme R. and says his speech. 
 Any ** kid'^ speech^ preferably one that has a local application, 
 may be used here.) Bobby really can do a lot better'n that. 
 He's on most o' th' Sunday-school programs, an' you'll more'n 
 likely hear him again afore long. 
 
 Agent. Indeed, Mrs. Jones, I certainly trust I may have 
 that pleasure. And really, Mrs. Jones, I came to see you upon 
 a mission that may be of especial interest to Bobby. I am the 
 representative of 
 
 Mrs. Jones {rising). Sakes alive ! I smell them cookies 
 a-burnin', an' I'll have t' go take 'em up. I'll leave Sally an* 
 Bobby t' entertain you. \^Exits hurriedly, r. 
 
 Agent {after glancing alternately at Bobby a^id Sally). 
 Really, Miss Sally, there was sometliing more I wanted to say 
 to you, but circumstances seem against me. 
 
 Bobby {who has seated himself upon chair at extreme r.). 
 Say, Rev. Mutt, when you was a kid, did your ma make you 
 dress up an' say pieces, like ma makes me, when th' preacher 
 come ? 
 
 Agent. No, Bobby, she didn't. When the minister came 
 to call, I always went out in the yard to play. 
 
 Bobby. Shucks, I ain't goin' t' do that. They ain't nobody 
 t' play with. I'd rather set in here an' talk t' you an' Sally. 
 
 Sally. He's a slicker, all right. 
 
 Agent. Bobby, how'd you like to earn a nickel to put in 
 the collection plate next Sunday, just like your father does ? 
 
 Bobby. Aw, shucks, pa don't put no money in th' collection 
 plate, an' I don't want to, neither. 
 
 Agent. Then how would you like to earn a nickel to spend 
 as you want to? 
 
 Bobby. Gee, I never heard o' preachers givin' kids a chanct 
 t' earn a nickel, but I'd like to. 
 
 Agent. Good. You go out and gather a nice bouquet of 
 flowers from the garden 1 noticed in the back yard, and I'll 
 give you a nickel when you bring me the flowers. Now, get a 
 nice jjouquet. Don't try to hurry, because I want you to get 
 only nice flowers. 
 
10 HIS METHODIST FOOT 
 
 Bobby. What'd you want with 'em ? 
 
 Agent {smiling a,t Sally, who titters). That's a secret. 
 You go now, and I'll give you the nickel when you bring in the 
 flowers. 
 
 Bobby. I'm goin' right now. \_Exity r. 
 
 Agent. Now Miss Sally {Rises and starts toivard 
 
 her ; door -bell rings, and he halts suddenly?) What in thun- 
 deration 
 
 Sally. Why, Rev. Mutt, what kinda words are you a-usin' ? 
 
 {Door- bell rings again.) 
 
 Agent. Confound that bell. 
 
 Sally. 1 bet that's some o' th' Widow's Mite Sevvin' Cir- 
 cle. They're a-goin' t' meet here to-day. 
 
 Agent. Oh, darn the circle. One kiss, at least, from those 
 ruby lips. 
 
 {He starts toward her, but she eludes him and hurries to the 
 door L., which she throws open, while he angrily seats 
 himself upon the settee.) 
 
 Enter Mrs. Binks ««^ Mrs. Stljbbs, hesitating between piano 
 and settee. 
 
 Sally. Ma'll be in in a minnit, I reckon. Rev. Mutt, 
 these here are Mrs. Binks and Mrs. Stubbs, two o' th' circle. 
 
 Agent {rising a?id bowing). I am delighted to meet you 
 both, 1 assure you. 
 
 Mrs. Binks. Lawsame, Rev. Mutt, I hardly knowed you, 
 wilh your moustache shaved off. 
 
 Mrs. Stubbs. Really, Rev. Mutt, I know it's a little curious, 
 but I'm powerful anxious to know if you're married. 
 
 Agent {glancing about uncertainly). Won't you folks sit 
 down? I'm quite sure you'll find this settee very comfortable. 
 
 ( Women take settee, Sally occupies piano stool, and Agent 
 takes chair nearest piano.) 
 
 Mrs. Stubbs. As T was sayin', Rev. Mutt, I certainly don't 
 want to seem curious, but are you married yet ? 
 
 Agent {fidgeting nervously). Well, Mrs. — Mrs. — Mrs. ■ 
 
 Sally. Stubbs. 
 
 Agent. Yes, that's it, Stubbs. You see, the fact is — that 
 is — well, I haven't been called on to marry any one yet, but 
 
HIS METHODIST FOOT II 
 
 I'm hoping my services will be more in demand when I become 
 better known. 
 
 Mrs. Stubbs. Oh, I didn't mean that at all, Rev. Mutt. I 
 mean have you got a wife of your own ? 
 
 Mrs. Jones {enter mg r.). Why, Mrs. Binks an' Mrs. 
 Stubbs. I'm powerful glad t' see you. An' ain't it fine, havin' 
 th' new minister with us, so soon after him a-comin' t' town ? 
 
 Mrs. Binks. Would you believe it now, Mrs. Jones, but I 
 hardly knowed him with his moustache shaved off. 
 
 Mrs. Stubbs. There's an old sayin' that them that perse- 
 veres gets there iii the end. I've been a-askin' a question here 
 for the last half hour that I ain't had answered yet, and I'm 
 a-goin' to ask it again. As I was a-sayin'. Rev. Mutt, have you 
 got a wife, or are you still single ? 
 
 {hG^'iHT fidgets while Mrs. Stubbs is talkingy but is relieved 
 when door-bell rings as she finishes.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones. I bet that's another o' th' circle. {Goes to 
 door r., opens it, and Mrs. Lane enters.) Mrs. Lane, I'm 
 sure glad t' see you. We've got a regular treat in store for us, 
 for here's Rev. Mutt, our new minister, who just happened t' 
 drop in t' call. 
 
 Mrs. Lane {rushing to shake Kom^T^s hatid). I'm just too 
 delighted to meet you. And you can't guess who I saw just a 
 little while ago. It was down-town in Sanders' store. You 
 don't know, do you? (Agent shakes head.) It was your wife 
 and baby. 
 
 Sally {who, in her excitement ^ had risen, sinks dow?t upon 
 the pia7io stool and piano, and screams). Oh ! Oh ! Oh ! 
 
 Mrs. Jones (rz^j-y^/z/^/i? A^r). What's the matter? What's 
 the matter? 
 
 Sally {sobbing). I set down on a pin. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Well, if you've set on a pin, what good is it 
 a-doin' you t' keep on settin' there ? (Sally slowly gets up 
 and moves to chair at extreme R., where she sits and continues 
 to sob silently. Agent fidgets ?iervously. Mrs. Jones sits on 
 piano stool; Mrs. Lane goes to settee ; Agent takes chair 
 nearest piano.) Now that th' minister's here, an' afore th' 
 others come, don't you ladies think it'd be a good thing t' tell 
 Rev. Mutt somethin' about th' people that's Hable t' hinder him 
 in tryin' t' run th' church right ? 
 
 {Women nod and turn to Agent.) 
 
12 HIS METHODIST FOOT 
 
 Agent. I shall be only too glad to obtain any information 
 that will aid me ip my work. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. First o' all, there's Mrs. Smith. That's Jim 
 Smith's wife. If she ain't th* chairman o' every committee an' 
 th' boss o* every sociable an* th* like, she won*t have nothin' t* 
 do with none o' th* work. She's actually so bossy that slie 
 wouldn't do a thing for th' last sociable because she wasn't th' 
 first one asked t' bake a pie. (Agent, who has takefi out note- 
 book, writes as Mrs. Jones talks ^ Land sakes, Rev. Mutt, 
 you ain't a-writin' down what I'm a-sayin', are you? 
 
 Agent. Yes, indeed, Mrs. Jones. This is very valuable 
 information that will assist me materially in separating the goats 
 from the calves. 
 
 Mrs. Stubbs. Calves ! 
 
 Agent. I mean sheep. 
 
 Mrs. Binks. An' then there's th' Widow Sanders, th' 
 mother o' th' Sanders that runs th' store. She's got all sorts o* 
 money, but she holds on to it tighter' n fly paper upside down 
 on a dinner table. She's so stingy she won*t buy needles. 
 She makes th' hired hand sharpen th' old ones. 
 
 Sally (f-ising with a tragic gesture^. Love's young dream 
 is ended. (^Dashes out door r.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones. 1 reckon that there pin must 'a' caught in her 
 dress. 
 
 Mrs. Lane. Yes, an' don't you forget that Miss Mandy 
 Judkins. She's th' worst old backbiter ever was. Even old 
 Granny Mason, who's deaf in both ears, can't set on th' front 
 seat at services without Mandy Judkins a-sayin' she's there t' 
 make goo goo eyes at th' preacher. 
 
 {Door L. opens without warnitig, apid Mrs. Johnson enters.) 
 
 Mrs. Johnson. Howdy, everybody. I just took the liberty 
 of comin' on in, Mrs. Jones. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Oh, Mrs. Johnson, I want you t' meet our 
 new minister. Rev. Mutt. 
 
 Mrs. Johnson (staring sharply ^/ Agent). That man ain't 
 our minister. Rev. Mutt's been a-callin' at our liouse twice. 
 That there man's a impostor. 
 
 {All are too surprised to speak, until the Agent breaks the 
 silence.) 
 
 • Agent, That is all very true, ladies, but I had no desire to 
 play the impostor. It was a mistake. If you recall, Mrs. 
 
HIS METHODIST FOOT I3 
 
 Jones, I tried to stop you to explain, but you wouldn't allow 
 me. I am Henry Smith, representing the Jonas Publishing 
 Company. (^2'akes booJz from satchel ufider his coat.') Allov/ 
 me to show you the work we are selling at the ridiculously low 
 figure of two dollars and ninety-eight cents, cash on delivery. 
 The work is handsomely bound and finely illustrated, and con- 
 tains stories of all the Bible heroes. It should be in every home 
 v/here there are children, and also in the homes where there are 
 none. May I put each of you down for an order? 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Not me. 
 
 Mrs. Binks. Nor me, either. 
 
 Mrs. Stubbs. I'm sure I don't want your old book. 
 
 Agent {taking out note-book). Very well, then, I shall call 
 upon the ladies you have so highly recommended, and see if 
 they do not wish to buy. 
 
 Mrs. Jones (/« great alarm). D' you mean you'd be low 
 down enough t' tell 'em what we said ? 
 
 Agent. Such a course might be necessary. 
 
 ( Women are alarined. Those on settee converse a moment 
 in undertones.) 
 
 Mrs. Stubbs. An' if we buy the book you won't say a word 
 t' any o' them folks ? 
 
 Agent. If each of you buys a book, I'm sure I shall not 
 mention a word that has been said. 
 
 Mrs. Binks. I'll take one. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. An' so will I. 
 
 Mrs. Stubbs. Put me down for one, too. 
 
 Bobby {entering r. zvith bouquet). Here's your flowers. 
 Where's my money? 
 
 Agent {handing him money). Here are two nickels instead 
 of one. Present the bouquet to Miss Sally, with my compli- 
 ments, and tell her it is a little token of the time the agent 
 played the parson. 
 
 CURTAIN 
 
New Entertainments 
 
 OUR CHURCH FAIR 
 A Farcical Entertainment in Two Acts 
 
 By Jessie A. Kelley 
 Twelve females. Costumes modern ; scenery unimportant. Plays z% 
 hour and a quarter. A humorous picture of the planning of the annual 
 church fair by the ladies of the sewing circle. Full of local hits and 
 general human nature, and a sure laugh-producer in any community. 
 Can be recommended. 
 
 Price f 25 cents 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, who wants to be Mrs. 'Lnvfion^ plump. 
 
 president, Mrs. Brown, anxious to get nem 
 Mrs. Henry, youngs giddy ^ church attendants, 
 
 fond of novels, Mrs. Addison, very inquisitive^ 
 
 Mrs. Jackson, the president of Mrs. Ridgely, sensitive, 
 
 the society, Mrs. Otis, on the dinner com- 
 Mrs. Brett, on the dinner com- mittee, 
 
 mittee, Mrs. Thompson, decidedly dost* 
 
 Mrs. Lewis, the minister* s wife, Mrs. T>KE^,just married. 
 
 THE RIVAL CHOIRS 
 
 An Entertainment in One Scene 
 By Sherman F, Johnson 
 Seven males, four females. Costumes eccentric ; scenery unimportant. 
 Plays one hour. A novelty in musical entertainments, introducing the 
 old choir and the new in competition. A novel setting for a concert, 
 offering an interesting contrast between the old music and the new. Lots 
 of incidental fun, character and human nature. Sure to please. Origi* 
 aally produced in Meriden, Conn. 
 
 Price, 25 cents 
 
 A THIEF IN THE HOUSE 
 
 A Comedy in One Act 
 
 By R, M, Robinson 
 Six males, one playing a female character (colored). Costumes modem , 
 scenery, an interior. Plays forty-five minutes. A first-class play for malij 
 characters only, of strong dramatic interest with plenty of comedy. A play 
 that can be recommended, m spite of its lack of female characters, to any 
 ludience. 
 
New Plays 
 
 A MASQUE OF CULTURE 
 
 By Annie Eliot Trumbull 
 
 Two male, ten female characters. Costumes, classical ; scenery, un- 
 important. Plays about an hour and a half. A reprint of this clever and 
 widely known satire. It deals with ladies and gentlemen well known in 
 historical society, and discusses them with abundant wit and humor. Con- 
 fucius and Socrates are summoned by Minerva to a convention of ladies, 
 equally well known to literature, held in Boston. They return to the 
 Shades and to Minerva with a depressing account of these ladies and their 
 transactions. Ideally suited for the use of schools and ladies' clubs both 
 by its subject and its admirable treatment. Can easily be played by 
 women only if desired, and can be gotten up with very little trouble or 
 expense. 
 
 Price f 23 cents 
 
 ROMANTIC MARY 
 
 By Alice C. Thompson 
 
 Four males, four females. Three acts ; costumes modern ; scenery two 
 easy interiors, or can be played in one. Plays two hours. A very pretty 
 and effective piece, high in tone and very amusing. A haunted house 
 and a very polite and considerate ghost contribute a pleasing mixture of 
 humor and excitement to a very well-balanced cast of characters. All the 
 parts good. An easy piece, well recommended. 
 Price f i^ cents 
 
 A HOLE IN THE FENCE 
 
 By Esther B, Tiffany 
 
 Four males, three females. Two acts ; costumes modem ; scenery, an 
 exterior — a garden. Plays an hour. A farcical comedy of high class, 
 very amusing and not difficult. Irish, Negro and Swedish comedy char- 
 acter., ; all the parts effective. Can be strongly recommended to the best 
 taste. 
 
 Price, 25 cents 
 
 THE UNDOING OF JOB 
 
 By John Stone 
 
 Three males, four females. Three acts ; costumes modern ; scenery, 
 a single interior. Plays an hour and a quarter. An amusing comedy 
 with a small but well-balanced cast, high in tone, and strongly recom- 
 mended for drawing-room performance, as it is easy and effective and can 
 be produced under the simplest conditions. Professional acting rightt 
 reserved. Price, 2^ cents 
 
fl^ Ui* Pincro's Pfays 
 
 Prtce, so ee ite cacb 
 
 S! 519P™S MRS. EBBSMITH ^-- ,„ pou. 
 
 IS?;1lLi4?='™-'■™~-■'^/oXy!'^Lfea^5ii■■ 
 
 Plkj-s 
 
 SWEET LAVENDER Oomedyi„ Three Acts. Seven male, 
 costumes, modern. P,a.^ a f nuYvSr^f'- «"'"«• " «i"IJe toS?lor; 
 
 THE WEAKER SEX ^K"? '" P-« Acts. Eight ma>es 
 scenery, two interiors. Kajs ifull erS|-. <;°«™esf mo^er?;' 
 
 A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE ??™*^'" Three Act.. 
 Costumes, modern; sca,e, a single interlo r.'^'Fla";r;°^/„Tj4'L?„t" 
 
 Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 
 
 Salter ^. mktt & Compaitp 
 
 No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 
 
LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 
 
 Cfje ^tUiam ^m 018 603 920 a « 
 of ^laps 
 
 ^rite, 15 €tnt^ €atl) 
 
 A^ YOIl I MHV IT Comedy in Fire Acts. Thirteen males, four 
 AD IVV L(isi.L II females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, va- 
 ried. Plays a full evening. 
 
 CAMII T F ^^^™* ^^ Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Cos 
 
 tumes, modern ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. 
 
 INAOMAff ^^^y ^^ ^*^® Acts. Thirteen males, three females. 
 lilUUITlillV Scenery varied ; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening. 
 
 MAW STUART Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four fe- 
 ITIAIVl D 1 tlAni males, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of the 
 period ; scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening. 
 
 TBE MERCHANT OF VENICE SlTet^wf^^iSl: SSSi; 
 
 picturesque ; scenery varied. Plays a full evening. 
 
 RICHFT IFII I*lay in Five Acts. Fifteen males, two females. Scen- 
 l\lvlli<lvlL<U ei-y elaborate ; costumes of the period. Plays a full 
 evening. 
 
 mpiViTC Comedy in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. 
 HI T ALiJ Scenery varied ; costumes of the period. Plays a 
 full evening. 
 
 SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER glTeai" ffr,et°1«e,.'?4' vi 
 
 rled ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. 
 
 TWttFTH NIGHT; OR, WHAT YOU WILL Si^.o'lS 
 
 three females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, varied. Plays a 
 full evening. 
 
 Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 
 
 Walttt "$, TBafeet: & Company 
 
 Fo. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 
 
 S. J, PARKHILL a CO., PRINTERS, BOSTON, U.S.A.