V ~7 '■'* y' ,• cr* SUIT FOR DAMAGES A FARCE COMEDY IN THREE ACTS BY "wm &ei#^0&=raRa.MA^WU^OMPM4Y Rule, Texas TIME: 1 HOUR Price 25 cents A SUIT FOR DAMAGES A FARCE COMEDY IN THREE ACTS BY ^fiSB- &6±i4Mit=UjLliAMAiJ^5^MPA^Y Rule, Texas TIME: 1 HOUli Prioe 25 cents A SUIT FOR DAMAGES r ^1 CAST OP CHARACTERS Judge J, W. Kent Clerk of Court ... Sam Maytield Sheriff W, T Hale Attorney FOR Plaintiff ... John Blackstone Attorney for Defendant . . Prank Paschall Plaintiff J. L. Barbee Defendant . . John Rosamond Mrs Mayfield . . ... ... Wife of Clerk Johnnie Son of Defendant J. T. Watchman .. . Witness Mrs. Watchman .... Wife of Witness TMPS6-006513 CCID 22102 A SUIT FOR DAMAGES ACT I. Scene— A room in the house of Mr. Watchman. Mr. Watchman walks into the room and picks up a paper and reads or glances at it. Mk. Watchman— Tliis paper reminds me of the fact that the trial of Harbee against my neighbor Rosamond comes off today, and I have been subpoenaed as a wit- ness. I consider the entire affair a notorious outrage; it is not only an imposition to take me from my work and compel' me to attend Court, but it is simply a per- secution against Mr Rosamond. There is neither sense, justice, nor reason in the whole case. The facts as I understand them, are as follows: Mr. Barbee has been running a stage coach line between the cities of. and .. (supply the names of your local towns) and when his stage coach was not on the road, he would keep it under his old shed, which was in a more dilapidated condition, if possible, than the coach; to keep the roof of this shed from tumbling in he had tied the rafters together by means of a grass rope. One Sunday afternon not long ago, while no doubt old man Barbee was on the river tish'ing, Mr. Rosamond's goat was out taking a walk, when he happened to see the grass rope that support ed the roof The temptation wa^ too great, he climbed to the top of the old stage coach, and I must say right here, he was the best looking animal I had seen on the coach for manv a day, he stood upon his hind feet and began to eat the grass rope, he had not been eating long when the roof fell with a crash, smashing the stagecoach and killing the goat. Now. Mr. Barbee has broughtsuitagninst Mr. Rosamond for the recovery 4 A SUIT FOR DAMAGES of the damages he claims to have sustained. In my jud»^ement he ou^ht not to have a cent for his old stage coach; but I will j?o any way and ])retend to be very ignorant, "^rhe truth is I want lo go to Court any way. (Enters Mrs. Watchman, very much excited) dressed as a counti'y hou.se-wife just from tlie kitchen ) Mrs W. — Whom did you say you wanted to conrfr' Out with it, I heard what you said: I have been sus ])ectnig something for a long time, and now I am going to liave the truth. (Mr. Watchman waving his hand towai-ds lier) Mr. W. — Calm, yc^urself, Madam; there is nooccRsion wMiatever, for such an outburst. I merely want lo go up to (supply name of local town) to- day in order to do a little courting, not that I ;im grow- ing tired of .vou, Oli, No, nur am I unmindful of all your many excellent qualitios, neither do I forget your sweet face and affactionated ways. I merely want to do some courting, jnst to keep fiom forgeting ail those delight- ful experiences thai made my young life worth the living. I wish that you would see that the pigs do not get into the garden and don't, fail to keep a wat(diful eye on the geese, for I don't want them to get into the turnip i:>atch again. Goodbye; I'm oft" Exit Mr. W. Mrs W — Oh Me! Has it come to this; and so soon? (Throws herself into a chair and hurries her face in her hands) To think that Jap would treat me so and in my own house too! (Gets up and walks about the room) I just won't stand such treatment. He i-alled me MADAM! T heard him (c-ries aloud) I'll go home and tell mama, all about it, ['II tell her that Jap is cr-uel to me, yes he is cruel, just as cruel and mean as be can be; the mean, cruel hateful man. I'll write him a note tirst. (Gets pajier and ]iencil) (she pronounces the words as she writes) Sir, I'll call him Sir, thats what I'll call him. I'll put it down in black and white. Since you)' cruel u n k i n d and unnatural conduct this morning I am thoi-oughly convinced that we must part (she takes a good cry.) I have put it down on this paper. I'll sign myself Respectfully, Mi's. Watchman. A SUIT FOR DAMAGES 5 I'll add a post script: P. S. Goodbyn Jap, lot-ever; I know you will be sorry sometime, Sara. I'll put it here wIum-*-' he will st->e it. (Places the Inttei' on a table) "He said [should warch the pit's. I don't care if tfie warden eats up all the hojj^s on the place, and the turnips may simbly swallow the geese and I won't stop them I believe I'll go to (add name of IocmI town) tii'st, just to see who it is Jap is courting; I want to see who is taking my .Jap ;i, way from me. I am sure A. rs. May tif'ld will go with me. Exit Mrs. W. CURTAIN ACT IT ScKNE — Within the home of Mrs. .Maytield. Mrs. Miiytield sitting at a table reading a maarazine, dressed in a closo fitting cos tome, wearing glasses) (Mrs. Watch- man enters unannonced, still showing anger and excit- ment, afiei- the customaiy groetijig, Mrs. Watchman sjieaks.) Mrs. W — Mrs. Maytield I am in great trouble and distress; .Tap has gone off cur Honor. Judge — Present your case, Atty. EOR Pltff — Attorney takes a paper from his pocket and stands bef()re the Judge and reads the following plea. J. L. Barbee J vs. r No. 562 John Rosamond ) J L Barbee complaining of John FJosamond would respectfully represent to the Court that both parties are citizens of the county of and state of That heretofore, towit; on the .... day of. . . A. D. 191 . . plaintiff' was the owner and proprietor of a stige coach line, engaged in hauling people foi- hire between A SUIT FOK DAMAGES 7 the towns of and ; that on said date ne was the owner of a staj^e coach which was reasonably worth $500 00; that on th i date and ye ir list above mentioned the same beinj^ Sunday, the |)lainbift" placed liis said coach beneath his shed; that a certain goat belonging lo the defendant with intent malice aforethought did then and tliere with the express purpose and intent of injuring this plaintiff, did wickedly and maliciously climb to the lo|j of said coach and did then and there eat, gnaw and chevv the grass rope that supported the r-(Mif' of snid shed causing the same to fall upon and tiestroy the said coach to plaintiff's damage $500.00. Wherefore, defendant became liable to plaintiff for said sum of money. Plaintiff" asks that he have judg- ment for his his said damages and for all costs of suit. A S. .limes, Atty. for Pltff. Attorney foi- defendant stands before the judge and reads. .1. L Bar bee ) vs. - No. 5G2 John Rosamond ) And now comes the defendant in the above styled and numbered cause and denies each and every allega tion in plaintiffs Petition and demands strict proof of same. Tlip defendant now comes and pleads in reconvention and admits all of that part of plaintiff's Petition in which he says the defendant's goat ate the grass rope that supported the roof oyer his coach; and the defend- ant alleges that the plaintiff, with the intent to injure this defendant placed said grass rope where he did in Older to entice said goat to his death; that the plaintiff is di)"ectly resp(»nsible for the death of the goat and personally liable for the valu'^ thereof; that the goat was reasonably wofth 1*200.00. Wherefore defendant prays that he have judgment for his $200.00 and for all costs of suit. S. T. Gordon, Atty. for deft. Atty. for Pltfp — Your Honor, I would like to have Mr. Watchman called .Judge— The Sheriff will call Mr. Watchman R A SUFT FOR DAMAGES (Sheriff ^oes to the dooi- and calls in loud slow tones) Sheriff --. J. T. VViUch man, .1. T. Watchman, J. T. Watchman (Mr. Watchman enters in a shamblinji: j?ail) Judge— (To Clerk) Tlip Clerk will swear Mr. Watch- man. CLERK^(Holds np his riy^ht hand nnd says in a loud voice) Hold uj) .v«»ur rij^ht hand and be sworn. Mr. W — Walks back-ward, looks friiifhtened, and pre tends that he thinks they are j^oin^ to rob him) Hold up thar. Mister, you shant vob mo here in oi^en day- JurxiE — (Harshly) 'I'he r;iork does not wish lo r<>l) you, but swear- you, so liold up your riyrht hand ;ind bo sworn a.s the law demands, n<4 harm, whatever, is in tentled Mr. W. — (Walk's causiously toward thn clerk and holds up both hands.) Clerk- ( Holdintr up his i-ijjfht liand) Do you solemn- ly swear tiiat 1 he (widejice you shall <.jive in the cause now pendintr si all be the truth the whole truth and nothin*j: l)ut the truth, so help you Kod. Mr. W —You bet, that suits me to a "T ' for IhIIpu the truth is just where I shine. Clerk - (l^>intintJ• toachiiir-) Flave that seat Mr, W. takes seat shown him) Atty. for Pltff. — What is yoni- cop^ncMnen':' Mr. W —My WhatV Atty for Pltff— Your cojinonnny Mr. W. — You say you v»ant to Icnow my old woman? Now I did not come up here to be insultod nor to havp fun poked at me, so I'll «?o hom(\ (Starts to leave) Judge— The witness will take his seat and true an- swers make to all interroiratories that may be jiro- l)ounded to him by the attoi'neys, the Court would su«2:gest, howevei', that the attorneys would use such lanj^uaf^e as will be withiny:the scope of tho witness' comprehension. Mr W -Woll. J adjjre, if it, is all tho sam<> to you. I A SUIT FOil DAMAGES 9 would prefer that he use the English language rather than the kind he uses, or the kind that is in th^ hope of condeinnntion that you speak of. (Witness takes his seat sii>wly ) Atty for Pltff — What is your name? Mr W —Oh, that is wliat you want to know, is it? Strange you did not say so long ago Atty for Pltff -Well, what is it? Mr W — I'm listening; goon. Atty. for Pltff — Tell me your name. Mr W — Jasper Tolliver Watchman, but Sara calls me Jap. Atty for Pltff— Well, Jasper, how old are you? Mr W. — How cold am I? You must be crazy to thinU a m m crazv at this season of the year. I nevei' f^lt more comfortable in my life. Atty for Pltff— I am not interested in the thermal condition of youi- body, I merely want to know your age. .Mr W — Well, it is strange you did not say so. Atty. for Pltff— Come, Jasper-, what is your age? Mr. W. — I aintgot no cage. Atiy for PLTFF^Howold ai'eyou; how many years have you lived. Mr. W. — Oh, T now understand what you are driving at T guess I am somewhere twixt twenty and thirty. Atty. for Pltff. — Where is your domicile ? Mr W. — 1 aint got nuthen like that; I did have the whooping-cough, but the doctor cured me. Atty. for Pltff. — T am not asking about the con dition of your health, I merely want to know where you reside Mr. W. — It don't seem to me it is any of your busi- ness where I hide; the fact is I never hide only when Sara gets mad and I don't ]:»ropose to tell you or any o ie else where that is Atty for Pt^tff — I don't care any thing about your family troubles, but I do want to know where you 30 A surr Foii uamagks live. Mr. W. — You certainly iuive a straiiy^f* ^vay <>!' telleri what you want. Atty. for Pltff.— An.swei- my que.stioii. Mii. VV. — Certainly with pleasin-H. [ live in ... .county Texas in tliat little liouse back of Mr- Rosamond's past- u re. Atty. for Pltff. — What vocation do you rnliow-;' Mr W —I don't follow any ihinj^- like thai; I just follow Sara about. Atty. for Pltff.— What is your iiusinessV Mr. VV. — I aint trot no business. Atty. for Pltff.— Wiiat do you do for a livin^y Mr W. — Eat, drink, sleep, chew and smoke. Atty. for Pltff. — What work do you do, if ;in.\ y Mr W. — O, I work in the cotton patch if it jiint to wet, chop vvo.)d for Sai-ah, or else sit and suioUp. Atty. foli Pltff.— Are you personally a.quMiiiicd with thn parties to r,his suit? Mr. W. — Yes, f know tliat tro.it wf-ll; Iim wms my l)esi. chum, I also knew Mv. liosamond and old m;in R;n hi c. Atty for F^LTFF. — Do you |' coachr' If so st;if.t> vvhiit caus.'tl it,. Mr W — Ijiearn Mr. Maylleld tell (Pointing toward the clerk) a heap Atty. FOR Deft. — Stop witness! Your Honoi-, wt- object to the witness tellin*'- what he has heard. .Judge— The witness will not state what any om- has told him, but, only what he Icnovvs and saw. Mr W— I hearn Mr. Maytield tell a heap Atty. for Pltff.— Hold on Mr. Watchman, you are disobeyin^^- the Court, you must not tell what the cl.-rk has told you. Mr VV. — He tdls me a li^vip about, tli" doins »{' law- yers. Atty. for Pltff.— Oh, that is what you h ivo h.-ard is ity You may proceed. A SUIT POR DAMAGRS 11 Mil W. — But this is the first time I evei' saw the in- qi.iisitive set. Now about that old stage coach and goat 1 can tell all [ know in a very few minutes. Two weeks ago iiist Sunday, [ knowed that we w;t.s a goin to iiave com pany, so 1 walked ovei" to Mr. Barbee's shed so Sara couldii't tind me when she would want me to cut stove wood I sat down under a tren and when I was almost aslepi), I liearn a most [)owei-t'ul curious noise, ]t soundnd just, like this: b a a h [ was awful skeared at tirst for [ thought it was Sara acallin of me, but when [ lofikt^d around. I savv the old goat a walkin ui) the paudi toward the shed just as proud looking as could l)e, he reminded me ol a ■ (supply name of near by Lnwn] dude. When he got to the shed, he stopped and looked ai if, lilci^ he thmis/ht it was no good any way, any how he climbed np into the driver's seat, but he did stay there lon>j: jnst, iii((^ \\^ was afraid it would disgrace him, he then climbed c'e m on lop of the coach and walked all around and looked down just like he was a seein if it was safe. He tht^n st,oi>d upon his hind feet, and commenced to eat the grass rope, I saw him shake his nead and stamp his foot with ever so much gi'ass in his month, and a lookin just like you used to when you was a trying to grow a mustache. (Enters Me.sdames May field and Watchman) Mrs VV — Jai), .Tan, where is she? Judge —The Sheiiff will keep oi-der in the court loom. MiiS \y . — (Turning to the Judge) Well, Mister, Jap said hi' was a coming up here a ct)urtin and I just want to see the woman that is takin my Jaj) away from me. Jap aint nof)rdinai-y lookin fellow, but Ik^ is powerful winnin and ]~)ei"suadin when it comes to courtin. Judge — Madam, there is no won^an here and your husband is not courting. TVIrs. W — There is not! And he is not courtin is he? liut L know he is and you men are just takin his part against me. Judge — Madam, your husband was in possession of some valuable and imiiortant information that we want- ed to know, so he camo u|) InM'e not, t() court hut to tell 12 A SUIT FOR DAMAGES us what he knew. Mrs. VV.— (Turning to Jap) Jap is that so? Speak out! (Jap hangs his head and looks meekly to one side) Did you come ail the way up here, after leaving your poor wife at home to watch the pigs and geese out of the garden, just to tell these men something that they wanted to know? Why did you not tell me? No, you won't tell your poor wife anything, but are hnppy, con- tented and satisfied, if your wife is at. iiome working and making a slave out of herself and you are in town talkin and loafin. Now Jap, you will come right home and tell me all about this important information, I'm the one you sh. uld tell such things to. [Japs gets up and meekly starts otf with his wife) Clerk— (Whistles and says) Aint he henpecked. SHER[PF-CGets up qui^klv^ and otf-rs chairs) Be seated Mr. Watchman, have these chairs, ladies, we excuse Mr. Watchman soon. Atty. for Pltff— You will proceed with your test- imony, Mr. Watchman. Mr W.— (meekly) I dun furgot it. Atty. for Pltff.— You were speaking ab<»ut the goat Mr W. — I dun fur.t ot about the goat. Atty. for Pltff —You forgot what? Mr W. — Idnn furgot what I furgot. Atty. for PLTFF.-Did the goat eat the rope through? Atty for Deft — We object to the que>tion. you are leading your witiiess. Atty. for Pltff — D>you know whether the goat ate the rope in two, if s.> state the facts. Mr. W. — While the goat was a chewin on the j-opn, the old shed fell to the ground smashing the coach into kindlin wood and killin the goat Atty. for Pltff —(To Atty, for Deft.) You may take the witness. Atty. for Deft.— Mr. Watchman do you know what caused the old shed to fall? Mii. W — ^No, I don't, but it been lookin like it wanted A SUIT FOR DAMAGES IB to fall lor the past yeai". Atty. for Deft. — Do you know what caused the death of the j?oat, if so state the cause? Mil. W,--Yes Sir, I know all about it. Mr. Barhee's old shed fell upon him and squashed him. Atty. for Deft. — You may be excused., Mrs W. — (.Jir]loyment. Mr B — My staa^e coach was broken to pieces by the wi'itjht of th'^ shed that was caused [,■■> Call ujion it by Mr Rosamond's goat. Atty. for Pltff — VVtiat was the value of the stage coa(*h? Atty for Deft -fvvith much spirit) We object to the question .TlTDGE — State you I- objection. Atty for Deft, — The attorney, your Honoj- has not qualified his witness Atty. for Pltff. — Do you know tlie value of the stage coach, if so state its value? Mr B. — I know the value of the stage coa-^'li it was worth 1500.00 Atty. for Pltff. — If you Icnow, as you say, that Mr. Rosamond's goat caused the shod to fall upon the (oacli, state how he did it. Mr B — Mr. Rosamond's goat, a vicious and un- neighborly b(^ast, ate the grass rope that held the 14 A SUIT FOR DAMAGES rafters, which, then, being without support fell. Atty. for Pltff — (To atty. for deft.) You may take the witness. Ay. for Deft — Did you see the goat eat the rope? Mr. B.— I did not. Atty. for Deft — Then, you do not know of your own knowledge what caused the shed to fall"? Mr. B.— (with spirit) But I feel quite certain Atty. for Deft. — Hold on! Answer my question Mr B — (becoming excited) Of course I didn't spo the beast eat the rope, but anybody knows Atty. for Deft. — (inten-upting witness) Then is it not probable that the rott<^'n condifon of the shed, rath* ec than the goat, caused it to fall. Mr H — NO STIv, my shed was safe and strong, good fo'- twenty years. Atty. for Deft — Is it not n Ifict that you do not Icnow any thing at)out the faliijig of the shed? Mr B — No sir. it is not a fact. Atty for Deft — Is it not n fact Mr. Bai-heo, that you and the goat were not on friendly terms? Mr B — Well, I can't say tliat, I liked him very niixh but I never had any words with him. Atty FOR Deft. — You may i)H excused. (Mr Bar bee takes his seat by his Atty. and drys his face with a large red handkerchief ) Atty. for Pltff. — We vest. Atty. FOR Deft. — Mr. Rosamond will be s\vorj>. (Mr. R. comes forward and is swoni l)y the clerk, he then takes the witness chair ) Atty. for Deft — Are you the defendant i>i this case? Mr. R. — I am. Atty. for Deft — Tell the comt all you know, if any thing, about the coach and the goat. Mr R. I, had a very tine goat, worth $200.00, I found him crushed to death beneath the wrpcU' of Mr Barbee's coach and shod. .VI y son .lohnnif used hiu) A SUIT FOR DAMAGES n to draw a little wa^on loaded with patatoes and such like. John. -jib:— (half crying) Pa, I want my goat back. (Mr. Rosamond continues with his statement) The goat was peaceable, quiet and not given to mischeif. Atty for Deft. — (to Atty. for Pltff.)You may take the witness, Atty. for Pltff. — I have no questions, you may be excused. Judge— The attorneys may now present their argu- metits. CAttorney for Plaintiff steps forward and speaks) Youi' Honor, it is with no mean pleasure that we appear before you today; yea, we can truly say that the pleasure we feel is exceedeed only by the justice of our cause. We come, not as suppliants, pleading fo" mercy but- as law abiding citiz«^ns asking, yea, demanding justice and justice only. Let^' us. Your Honor, look to our cause. We allege and have shown that the plaintiff is an honorable man engaged in an honorable and legitimate business, that • f transjiorting for hive the weary traveler over hill and down dale; that he was the owner of a valuable s*^age coach which was a prerequisite to his business. We tind that this plaintiff one Sunday about two weeks ago, with due care and precaution, had placed his coach beneath the sheltei-ing roof of his strong and com- modious shed, and in ordei-, your Honor, to make it doubly safe, he made the rafters f)f the shed secure by means of a strong and substantial grass rope. Let, us then follow this plaintiff to his quiet and peaceful home where we believe he spends this day of rest in pious meditation in the bosom of his worthy family. Now, your Honor, let u« \onk at the offending party, Mr. Rosamond's goat We see him with intent malice in his heart, bent upon mischief, disregarding the sanctity of the day, deliberately walks to the shed where in persuance of and with his diabolical and atrocious intent and purpose, he maliciou.-^ly eats the grass rope and destroys the valuable pi'operty of this worthy plaintiff. Think, Your Honor, of the conster 16 A SUIT FOR DAMAGES nati(m that swept like a deluge ovei- the heart of this ])laintiff when he heheld the wonton destruction; think of his wife and helpless children suffering for the bare necessities of life all because his honorable occupation is gone, swept away by the vindictive act of Mr. Rosa monds wicked and unfeeling goat. I shudder when I think of the boldness of this animal; how he, uninvited mounted this coach. It doe< not nppeai- that he even offered to pay the price of his ride into eternity upon tliis illfated stage coacli, which fare we claim in addi- tion to the heavy damages we hope to recover. Think, Your Honor, of this beast, a menace to decent society, walking and stalking the world over, like Satan, seek ing whom he may devour and what he mny destroy. We leave our cause to your most excellent judgment", beliving as we do that right and justice, the synonyms of our jilea, will be awarded. (Speech of Attorney for Defendant) It is neither my intention nor desire, Your flonor, to annoy this honorable Court with a long, useless, and noneensical harangue as did the attorney who has just ])i-eceded me. Not only is his sophistry disgusting in the extrenie, but his pretended arguments biing a blush of shame, when we think of the renouned pro- fession to which he belongs. Let us. Your FTonor, for a moment look to a, few of his vain attempts. Redoes not d«Miy that tlip unfortunate and deeply lamented goat vva.s. against his will, crcnvel- ly and wickedly hurled into eternity; yet, this misguid- ed attorney in his wild and fastastic zeal so fat over steps the bounds of all reason and logic as to claim that the goat should pay for his unhappy ride. This ak^ne shows that the author of sur-h fallacy is incapable of even discussing with any degree of reason the question at bar; it not only shows but ])i-oves conclusively that he has no comprehension of the real issue in this case. But we are n^^t through. If the plaintiff earnestly and sincerely desired to make his dilapidated shed safe and pi'otect his almf)st worthless coach from destruction, why did he use so frail and uncer4.ain a means as a grass rope. In this act. Your Honor. [ set- a palpable and obvious trap 11'^ well l\new the woi-n out condition A SUIT FOll DAMAGKS 17 of l)oth coach and shed, and it is move than likely that lie placed this teniptintif morsel *'L* {^rrass in order to en- tice this innocent and unsuspected goat to his death and nt the same lime bring about the destruction of the coach, thinking, no doubt, that he could inveigle, Your Honor, into awarding a large sum in his favor. Think' of this goat in all his purity and innocence go- ing out on a Sunday afternoon to take a walk, no doubt for the benefit of his digestion and to admire the beau- ties of nature; but, Ol> Horror, think of his tragic end! We not only claim that this plaintiff on account of his contributory negligence is not entitled to recover a cent for his supposed loss, but is responsible for the un- timely and mournful death of the goat and is directly rpsponsil)Ie and liable for his value. Phe plaintiff asks that you give him justice, we say let him have it, by awarding this defendant judgment agninst him for the value of the goat and all costs <^f suit. We now submit the case to Your Honor's unerring judgment. •JuDGK — In order that the (lourt may cai'efully con- sider the matters and things so clearly set forth by the learned counsel, it will take the case undei* advise- ment until tomorrow morning at which time a decision will he rendered. The Sheriff will adjourn court. Sheriff — O Yez, O Yez, O Yez, The Honorable Court is now odjouimed. CURTAIN ^t^ ^i^ SE? 21 ^3^^