PRICE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS THE PARLOR PATRIOTS COMEDY BY Dorothy Donnell Calhoun Fitzgerald Publishinc Corporation SUCCESSOR TO DICK & FITZGERALD PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY J5 CENTS EACH CRANFORD DAMES. 2 Scenes; 1]4 hours GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. 1 Act; 80 minutes CHEERFUL. COMPANION. 1 Act; 25 minutes LESSON IN ELEGANCE. 1 Act; EOminutes >., MAIDENS ALL. FORLORN. 8 Acts; 1^ hours MURDER WILL OUT. 1 Act; 30 minutes ROMANCE OF PHYLLIS. 8 Acts; 1J4 hours SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 1 Act; 45 minutes OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20 minutes WHITE DOVE OF ONEIDA. 2 Acts; 45 minutes , SWEET FAMILY. 1 Act; Ihour BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. 1 Act; 2hour8 80 PRINCESS KIKU. (85 cents) U RAINBOW KIMONA. (35 cents.) 2 Acts; 1^ hours. MERRY OLD MAIDS. (85 cents.) Motion Song. 11 PLAYS FOR MALE CHARACTERS ONLY J5 CENTS EACH x APRIL FOOLS, t Act; 80 minutes t BYRD AND HURD, 1 Act; 40 minutes « DARKEY WOOD DEALER. 1 Act; 20 minntes 8 WANTED, A. MAHATMA. 1 Act; 80 minutes 4 HOLY TERROR. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 MANAGER'S TRIALS. 1 Act; 1 hour f MEDICA. 1 Act; 35 minutes T NIGGER NIGHT SCHOOL. 1 Act; 30 minutes • SLIM JIM AND THE HOODOO. 1 Act; 30 minutes 5 WANTED. A CONFIDENTIAL CLERK. 1 Act; 30 minutes t SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY. 1 Act; 1 hour 12 PICKLES AND TICKLES. 1 Act; 20 minutes 6 HARVEST STORM. 1 Act; 40 minutes 10 CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mocli Trial; 2 hours.... 28 DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. Mock Trial. 22 GREAT LIBEL CASE. Mock Trial; 1 Scene; 2 hours 21 RIDING THE GOAT. Burlesque Initiation; 1 Scene; 1^ hours 24 FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORP'N, 18 Vesey St., N. Y. THE PARLOR PATRIOTS A COMEDY IN ONE ACT FOR GIRLS By DOROTHY DONNELL CALHOUN Author of ''Cupid's Column,'* 'One Hundred Per Cent American,'" Etc, Copyright, 1918, by FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPORATION FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPORATION Successor to DICK & FITZGERALD 18 Vesey Street New York V\ DEC -7 ISI8 T/M \ TMP92-008785 ^ THE PARLOR PATRIOTS CHARACTERS Madame Astorbilt Leader of tJie Four Hundred Mrs. De Peyster Smythe Social Climber y President of tJie "Society for Learn- ing the Words of Our National Songs'* Flossibelle Her daughter, seventeen, hut forced to pass as a child to keep her mother young Cora Brekenridge-Allenby-Castleton-Jones A much married lady, "Head of the Pink Tea for Pale Lieutenants Association'' Miss Trya Gain A romantic spinster, secretary of the Organization for "Smoothing the Foreheads of Wounded He- roes" IMrs. Lotta Fadde Chairman of the Committee for providing "Em- broidered Pyjamas for Commissioned Officers" Gladys Gusher A newspaper reporter ' Arriet 'Obbs An English maid Lady Agnes Agnew Decorated by all the crowned heads of Europe for her war work Madame Percelle Parisian Beauty Doctor from Hoboken Nora Flossibelle' s nurse Chloe The cook Time. — To-day. Locality. — New York. Time of Representation. — One hour. 3 4 The Parlor Patriots COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS Flossibelle. Knee-length skirts, a beruffled babyish dress, sash and hair ribbons. Change to stylish dress. Mrs. Brekenridge. Military costume. Mrs. Lotta Fadde. Military costume. Gladys Gusher. Mannish-dressed reporter. 'Arriett 'Obbs. Maid's costume, change to weird street-gown absolutely covered with medals, ribbons and orders ; a weird tilting ostrich hat, and yellow gloves. Lady Agnes Agnew. Street dress, change to maid's costume. Madame Percelle. Very stylish, smart street dress. Others. Appropriate to characters portrayed. INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES A letter, hair-curlers and chin-strap for Mrs. Smythe. A broken doll, lace and ribbon hat for Nora. Mixing spoon and valise for Chloe. Bags, bundles, boxes, pow- der-puff for Mme. Percelle. Note-book, card for Gladys. Tea wagon with china, silver, sandwiches for Lady Agnes. THE PARLOR PATRIOTS Scene. — The reception room of Mrs. De Peyster Smythe's city residence, elaborately furnished with ornate objects. At the back stands a piano or book- case, loaded with vases, statuary, etc. Doors right and left. At one side a divan with a table beside it on which are many ornaments. The divan is loaded with elaborate cushions. Gay-colored curtains hang over window beside the piano, gay rugs on the floors, many pictures in gilt frames crowded on the lualls. Chairs are arranged, about the room, and a mirror hangs on the other side of the piano. There should be a piano behind the scenes where the incidental patriotic music can be played out of sight of the audience. Door bell and telephone off stage. At rise the stage is empty, but the door bell is heard pealing shrilly and continuously off l. Chloe ENTERS R., rolling down her sleeves over her floury black arms and calling back over her shoul- der to someone outside. Chloe. Yes, yes, Missus Smiff, Ah done heerd de bell but Ah was spang in de oven, a-brownin ' and a-risin * beautiful and Ah couldn't leab! (She waddles across the room to door r., muttering indignantly as she goes) Done 'spcts a body to cook wif one hand an' answer door bells wif de odder! Ah suttingly hopes dat dere advertising-ment will fotch a maid today ! (She EXITS to REAPPEAR immediately with Cora Breckenridge- Allenby-Castleton-Jones and Mrs. Lotta Padde, each in a startling military costume) Cora (to ChloeJ. Tell Mrs. Smythe that Mrs. Lotta Fadde and Cora Breckenridge-AUenby-Castleton-Jones are here to see her. 5 6 The Parlor Patriots Chloe (sliglitlij dazed) . Yes ma'am. {As she EXITS R.) Dat cake '11 be burned brack as mah face afore Ah kin pernouncify dat four-layered name. (She EXITS door R. The ladies regard each other's costumes with critical eye) Mrs. Fadde (gushingly). What a perfect sweet uni- form, and the puttees are simply dear! Of course, the way it's cut does make you look a little stout and the color does give your skin a sallow tinge, but one has to make some sacrifices for one 's country ! Cora (sweetly). Yes indeed! When I saw you go- ing by the house the other day in that uniform I said to myself, ' ' All the heroes aren 't in the trenches ! ' ' Tell me, dear, what is that insignia that looks so much like an egg-beater on the collar? Mrs. Fadde. That means that I am a Major General of the League for ''Providing Embroidered Pyjamas for Commissioned Officers." It's the same rank as that dear creature, Pershing, I believe. All of our members are Major Generals so that we won't have to salute each other. It's such a bore with all the hand-bags and things one carries nowadays! Cora (continuing to gaze at the uniform). Such a striking color — purple! I suppose that's why you gave up wearing red hair, isn 't it ? Mrs. Fadde (tragically). No, it's all on account of this dreadful war. You simply cannot trust the dyes you get nowadays. Arrabella Parkinson had her hair dyed broAvn to match a perfectly stunning set of mink furs she bought the other day and it came out pea- green! Isn't that tragic! My dear, it's simply appall- ing what war means to us women ! Mrs. Smythe (who has ENTERED, door r., in time to catch the last ivords,, sinking wearily into a chair). It is, indeed! I'm nearly worn out playing cards for war charities, and with all the Serbian Relief Lunch- eons I've attended and the pink lemonade I've drunk for the Belgians at bazaars my digestion is all out of order. But as President of the Society ''For Learning the Words of Our National Songs" I cannot shirk my The Parlor Patriots 7 patriotic duties. I hope you're coming to the tea this afternoon ? The Other Two (in chorus). Then she's accepted? Mrs. Smythe (triiimpliantly showing a letter on the table). ''Mrs. Astorbilt accepts with pleasure Mrs. De Peyster Smythe 's kind invitation to meet Lady Agnes Agnew at four o'clock Thursday afternoon." Doesn't that sound as though she were coming ? Cora (clasping her hands). The Leader of the Four Hundred! My dear, you have arrived, you have posi- tively arrived! As some of my husbands used to say, Tom, I think it was, or perhaps Dick or Harry — ''If a woman doesn't get what she wants it's because she doesn 't know what she wants ! ' ' Mrs. Junius K. Astor- bilt drinking tea in this very room, this very chair per- haps. (She regards it respectfidly ) It's a miracle! Mrs. Fadde. Patriotism is all the rage nowadays. (Glances into the mirror complacently ) And so much more becoming to most of us than ' ' Votes for Women ' ' or ' ' Bahaism ! ' ' But it was certainly clever of you, dear, to think of getting a title for tea. Lady Agnes Agnew! How should one address her, I wonder? Your High- ness? Her Grace? My Lady? Or perhaps Ladyship is more respectful. (Voices off stage are heard, raised in dispute, accompanied by thumps and kicking of feet) Nora's Voice (pleadingly). Coom, coom. Miss Flossi- belle, carry your doll prettily, thot's a noice gurrul! Flossibelle 's Voice (furiously). I won't carry a silly old doll! I won't be a nice little girl! (A loud crash as of the breaking of some china object) So there ! (More crashes) And there! (Another crash) And there ! Mrs. Smythe (tenderly). Ah, here comes my little angel, my precious pet, my baby, my lambkins ! (^Flos- sibelle and her nurse ENTER, d. r., the nurse a small, scared person carrying a wrecked doll and a lace and ribbon hat such as children wear. Flossibelle wears knee-length skirts, a beruffled babyish dress, sash and hair ribbons, in spite of the fact that she is so tall she towers over everyone present) 8 The Parlor Patriots Mrs. Smythe (drawing Tier down to her knee where she completely obscures her mother from view). Come kiss your mama, Baby, then say how-do-you-do prettily to these ladies. ^Flossibelle sulkily complies. She makes a courtsy to the amazed visitors who look up at her through their lorgnettes) Flossibelle. How-do-you-do 1 Cora. What an extraordinary child? And how old are you, my dear? Flossibelle (violently). I don't remember. How old am I, Ma? Mrs. Smythe (sweetly). Nine, my pet, nine. (To her visitors) Doesn't it seem absurd for a girl of my age to have a nine-year-old daughter? But, of course, I married from the schoolroom! Mrs. Fadde (with slight emphasis). Very absurd! I 'm sure no one would believe it — if you didn 't tell them so, of course I mean, dear. Cora (rising). Good gracious, it 's getting late ! One of my husbands — Dick, I think, or possibly Tom or Harr}^ used to say ''face powder has changed more des- tinies than gun powder." This afternoon may be the turning point in our social careers so we must take time to make ourselves beautiful. Mrs. Fadde (cattishly). Yes, indeed, dear, you will need a great deal of time to do that! (To Mrs. Smythej Good-bye till later. I 'm all in a flutter, I declare ! Mrs. Smythe (shaking hands). At four remember. Good-bye, my love, good-bye, my dear — good-bye — good- bj^e — good-bye. (She continues to wave for some mo- mients after they have gone out l,.) Mrs. Fadde 's Voice (trailing hack). Do you think Your Worship would be a more de rigeur way of ad- dressing her? Or perhaps Her Eminence? I must look it up in the encyclopedia. Nora (turning despairingly to Mrs. Smythe J. If you plaze'm such a time as Oi've had getting her dressed. Whiniver Oi wint where she was sure an' she wasn't there at all, at all. Mrs. Smythe (reproachfidly). Flossibelle! I am The Parlor Patriots 9 surprised — I am grieved — I am deeply chagrined that my little girl Flossibelle (violently). Ma! I want to grow up! I'm tired of having so many legs. I'm tired of wearing these fool ribbons and looking like a — a maypole. I want to be seventeen and put my hair up and my skirts down. Mrs. Smythe (falling hack on the divan with a shriek). Cruel, ungrateful, unnatural, selfish, heartless child ! Would you make an old woman of your mother ? After all my struggles to get into society in spite of your father's making his money in a p — patent 1 — lock g — garbage p — pail to have my own, my only child desert me at the very moment of success! Oh! Oh! Oh! (She weeps violently and Flossibelle relents) Flossibelle (unwillingly). Well, I suppose I can stand it a little bit longer, but only a little bit. And no matter what you say I simply will not carry a doll. (She snatches the broken one from Nora and fires it under the couch violently) Mrs. Smythe (brightening). That's my angel-child. Now let Nora tie on your hattie and take you for a nice walkums in the park before you come to Mama's tea party. ("Nora has to climb onto a chair to tie on the ridiculous hat. Flossibelle scowls) There, now you look like my ownest ownty own. Have a nice walk and {Calling after tliem as they EXIT l.) be sure to hold tight to Nora's hand. (As they EXIT, the door hell rings. Mrs. Smythe rtms to door r.) Dear me, I won- der who that is. I mustn't be seen this way. (She EX- ITS R. as Chloe, still clutching a mixing-spoon, EN- TERS, crosses to door l. and ushers in Lady Agnes Agnew, a plainly dressed, retiring little woman and her maid, 'Arriett 'Obbs, in maid's garb) Lady Agnes (hesitating). I think Mrs. Smythe is expecting me, though I am rather early. Will you tell her please, that Chloe (brandishing her spoon). Lan' a-libbin', Honey, no use tellin ' me who yo ' are. When mah mind 's in mah mixin' bowl, Ah couldn't recomimber mah own lo The Parlor Patriots name. Set yo'se'f down somers and I'll tell de Missus yo're here jest as soon as Ah gits mah cake in. (Mov- ing towards door r.) Sure's yo' borned, if thar doesn't scmebuddy answer dat adv 'rtising-ment for a maid pretty quick Ah 'm af card Ah 'm liable to f ergit Ah ever sperienced religion. ("EXITS R. as Lady Agnes seats Jierself in a deep chair with her hack to the rest of the room, thus almost concealing her from sight. The maid stands respectfidly hy her side) Lady Agnes (sadly^). These society women eat cake while there are hundreds of children in Belgium starv- ing for a crust of bread. If they could see what I have seen — however, most American women are doing mag- nificent war work, making surgical dressings, raising funds for the destitute, conserving food. They are true patriots. (The telephone hell rings off R. Mrs. Smythe's voice is heard speaking) Mrs. Smythe (off r.). Yes, this is Mrs. De Peyster Smythe vv^ho is giving a tea this afternoon. Is this the Society Editor of the Daily Gahhle? You are sending a reporter to write up the affair as I requested? Be sure to say that I consented to be interviewed only with extreme reluctance; mention the fact that I am Presi- dent of the ''Society for Learning the Words of Our National Songs," well known for my patriotic activi- ties Lady Agnes (listening indignantly). Disgraceful ! Mrs. Smythe (continuing). Emphasize the fact that Lady Agnes Agnew has been decorated by all the crowned heads of Europe Lady Agnes (angrily). Infamous! Mrs. Smythe (continuing). Lay especial stress upon the fact that this afternoon's affair will be attended by Madam Junius K. Astorbilt, the leader of New York Society. I feel confident that my future social success is assured if I receive a good newspaper notice Lady Agnes (thoroughly indignant). Do you hear that, Hobbs? A woman that would take up patriotism like any other fad for the sake of furthering her o^vn selfish ambitions ought to be shown up in her true col- The Parlor Patriots ii ors — she should be made the laughing stock of the en- tire country ! HoBBS (with feeling). H 'indeed, yes, my lydy, h'and beggin' your pardon for the liberty Hi 'ave an h'idea 'ow h'it can be done. Lady Agnes (tJiouglit fully). After all, why not? I came to this country to arouse interest in war work, not to act as a social stepping stone for a few silly women. The only way to appeal to such people is through their vanity. (SJie Jiesitafes) Mrs. Smythe (still off r.). You will send Gertie Gusher, author of ' ' Love Lore for the Love Lorn, " ' ' Bal- derbash for the Betrothed," and ''Why Husbands Leave Home?" Splendid! At four, then, — good- bye Lady Agnes (Jiurriedly leaning toivard her maid). What was your plan, Hobbs? (The maid whispers) Splendid ! Excellent ! Go back to the hotel at once, put on your best things — the hat with the ostrich feathers, oh, yes, and all my medals and ribbons and decorations. Return at four. Be sure to show no surprise whatever you find me doing. You understand? HoBBS (with emphasis). H'o yes, h 'indeed, Lydy H 'agues, H'i h 'understand h 'exactly? (She EXITS L. as Mrs. Smythe ENTERS r. Lady Agnes rises to meet her, very deferentially and humbly) Lady Agnes (softly). Excuse me, mum, but I heard you were looking for a maid. Mrs. Smythe (ivith relief). I suppose you came in answer to my advertisement? You seem like a neat, sober, respectable person. Do you know your place? I am very particular that my servants should know their places. Lady Agnes. I think I understand my place, mum. Mrs. Smythe. Thirty a month and every other Sun- day off and no policemen in the kitchen. What size are you? Thirty-six I should say — I never take a maid who can wear the same size clothes as myself. Have you had experience in waiting on people? Lady Agnes (smiling). I have had a great deal of 12 The Parlor Patriots experience in waiting on people in the last four years, mum. Mrs. Smythe. Very well. I will look at your refer- ences another time. I am giving a tea this afternoon and you have just time to put on your costume and prepare the table. By the way, what is your name? Lady Agnes (taking off Tier liat and coat). You may call me Hobbs, if you please, mum. Mrs. Smythe ( impressively ). Hobbs, I want you to be very particular this afternoon. The guest of honor is Lady Agnes Agnew. I don't suppose you have ever been close to a member of the English aristocracy be- fore? Lady Agnes (demurely). No closer than I am this minute, mum. Mrs. Smythe (patronizingly). Well, don't lose your head and I've no doubt you'll do very well. (TJie door hell rings. Site glances at tlie clock) That's probably Madame Percelle, she was to be here at three-thirty. Send her in and ask Chloe where you can find your uni- form. Lady Agnes (respectfully). Yes, mum, very good, mum. [EXIT r. Mrs. Smythe. A very respectable person, — for one of the lower classes, of course! ("Madame Percelle hustles in door l., carrying several hags, hoxes, hundles, jars, packages, etc. SJie is an exaggerated person in very extremely stylisJi clothes, very effusive) Madame Percelle (flinging up Jier Jiands ecstatically in spite^ of tJie ohjects in tJiem, wJiicJi fly in all direc^ tions). Madame est tout a fait cJiarmante! Such a fig- ure ! Divine ! Such hair — ravishing ! Such complexion — Ah ! She does not need the beauty doctaire — non, non, vraiment! Mrs. Smythe (surveying Jierself complacently in tJie mincer). No, Madame Percelle. I cannot allow you to say such things! I must not allow myself to listen to them! Madame Percelle. But it is true, Madame ! You, I do not have to flatter as I do some of the other less for- tunate ladies! The Parlor Patriots 13 Mrs. Smythe (sighing, much pleased). Of course, I am not fat and flabby like poor Cora Breckenridge-Al- lenby-Castleton-Jones, nor thin and scrawny like poor Lotta Fadde, nor pale and sallow like poor Miss Trya Gain. But I thank Heaven I am not vain of whatever natural attractions I may happen to possess. They are my friends — it is not their fault that they are plain, nor any merit that I am — what I am. (Waving her hand magnanimously) Say no more! Not a word! Madame Percelle (shrugging her shoulders as she re- covers most of her possessions). Mais certainment ! It was the — what you say the enthusiasm of the artiste! In my busineese I meet with so much ugliness, what wonder I am delight to see One si helle! (Aside as she follows Mrs. Smythe out n.) They all fall for eet! What would you? If women were not fools we beauty doctors would starve, Mon Dieu! ("EXITS r. as Nora and Flossibelle ENTER l.J Nora (pleading). But Miss Flossibelle, ye must put on a noice clane dress and sash f 'r the par-rty, thot's a good gur-rul. Flossibelle (jumping up and down heavily, toes turned in). I won't! I won't! I won't! I w (She stops abruptly as Lady Agnes in maid's costume appears through door r., wheeling a tea wagon piled high with silver, cups, napery, etc.) Who are you? Lady Agnes. The new maid. (She conceals a smile as she begins to clear off the table and arrange the things on it) I suppose you're Mrs. Smythe 's little girl? Flossibelle (rudely). You know you don't suppose anything of the kind. But as long as ma is only twenty- eight I can't very well be seventeen. I hate this foolish- ness, but what can I do ? Lady Agnes (arranging the table). There are a great many things that you could do. Flossibelle (interested). What sort of things? Lady Agnes (standing very straight and speaking dramatically, ivhile behind the scenes the strains of ^^ America'' are faiyitly heard as she speaks). Real things ! Fine things ! Helpful things ! There are thou- 14 The Parlor Patriots sands of sick soldiers who need nurses. The government is asking for girls of your age to take the training. Think of it — six months in some hospital and you would be ready to help take care of your country's brave men! Wouldn't that be a finer thing than dressing up in those silly clothes and walking in the park? Flossibelle (ivJio witli Nora lias drawn near and is listening witJi wide eyes). How splendidly you talk! You make me feel all queer and thrilly Jiere. (STie lays her Jiand on Tier lieart) Oh, do you suppose I could really do what you say? Lady Agnes (going quietly on witli Tier work of pol- ishing the silver). I know that you could help your country wonderfully. Flossibelle (drawing a long hreath). My — country! How strange I never thought of it like that before, and I've been singing the ''Star Spangled Banner" and *' America" all my life, too. Lady Agnes (quietly). Yes, there are a good many people who take their patriotism out in singing and hurrah-ing for their country instead of working for it. (The music off stage dies away) Flossibelle (moving toward the door r.J If I only dared (Looks at herself in the mirror and stamps her foot) Mama's pet! Angel-child! Baby-doll! Lambkins! I'll do it — so there! (She runs out door r. Nora comes closer to Lady Agnes j Nora. Phwat are yez annyway thot's dressed loike a sarvant and talks loike th ' Impress Av ' Indy ? Lady Agnes (quietly arranging the table). I hope that I am a servant. There is nothing finer to do in life than to try to serve other people, don't you think so? Nora. Begorra'. Oi can't say Oi iver thought av it thot way! T's a quare wan yez are. (She starts out, then hesitates) Oo don't suppose there's anything Oi cud be doing to hilp the country? Lady Agnes (cheerfully. As she speaks '^TTie Wear- ing of the Green' ^ is played softly off stage). Why not? In Ireland all the women are helping. They're The Parlor Patriots 15 taking men's jobs, working in munition factories and carrying on the farm. If you go to the Women's War Board, 40 Madison Avenue, they Vvdll send you some- where at once where you can make gas masks or raise wheat or corn or potatoes to feed the hungry world. Wouldn't that be better than waiting on a lot of lazy, silly society climbers? Nora (dazedly). 'Tis thrue as the last wair-ruds av the Widder Maloney's cow. I wonder now (Slie goes out r., tJiinking deeply) Lady Agnes (looks after Iter smiling. Softly). A good beginning. Madame Percelle (Tier Jiands full of Jiair-pins, curl- ing tongs, poivder-puffs, etc., appears at door r. and looks about tJie room). Have you seen Mrs. Smeeths complexion about here anywhere? A little so pink, so small jar? Oh, la voila! (Site picks it up from tJie floor and is turning hack wlien Lady Agnew stops Jier) Lady Agnes. I suppose you 're very busy nowadays ? Madame Percelle (waving tlie objects in Tier Jiands excitedly). Mais oui! Zees idiotic — no7i, non, patriotic uniforms zey are ver' trying. If ze hair and ze skeen an' ze figure do not look just so ze effect she ees terrible ! All ze fat women send for me to make zem theen, and the theen women send for me to make zem fat. I am hex- haust, me! But what would you — c^est la guerre. Lady Agnes (softly). You are from Paris, are you not? Madame Percelle (clasping liands ftdl of objects to Jieart). Oui la cJiere Paris! But ze French women are all si belle zey do not need me zere. Lady Agnes (softly, going on with Tier work). They do need you there. I have just come from there and I know. Madame Percelle (startled). But evairy woman in La France ees a beauty doctaire, elle-meme. What could I do? Lady Agnes (martially, wJiile the Marseillaise is played softly off stage). You could do what the other I women of France are doing, the brave, noble women of 1 6 The Parlor Patriots France. You could care for the war orphans, make clothes for the refugees, nurse the sick, teach the blinded and crippled soldiers to begin life over again. There is more to be done there than even the tireless, wonderful hands of the French women can do. There are hungry children to be fed, freezing babies to be clothed 'and homeless old people to be sheltered. And you are here pasting beauty plasters on the foreheads of vain women, dabbling with cosmetics and pink powder and curling tongs while your country is calling for you. (Tlie music swells) Madame Percelle (flinging out Tier arms and scatter- ing all tJieir contents broadcast). Mon Dieu! Helas! Q'est-ce-c*est ca! What have I done, what have I done? (Slie ruslies out r.) Lady Agnes (picking up the scattered tilings). And now for Chloe ! Some people wear their hearts on their sleeve, some carry theirs in their vanity cases, I shall know where to find hers, in her mixing bowl. (Slie EX- ITS L. as Mrs. Smythe and Madame Percelle rusJi in R. Mrs. Smythe is a piteous object — liair in pronged steel curlers about Iter face, chin strap about her head and under her chin. She is frantically clutching Madame Percelle ^s coat) Mrs. Smythe (frantically). But you can^t leave me this way ! At least take these things off before you go ! Look at my hair ! Look at my chin ! Madame Percelle (pulling away, dramatically). What ees a chin when France calls! Non! Non! Not un moment do I remain more ! Mrs. Smythe (wildly). Have pity! Think what this afternoon's affair means to me — I shall be the joke of the town Madame Percelle (rushing out h.). Au revoir! - Mrs. Smythe (blankly). She's gone — she's actually gone ! (She looks at the clock) In a few moments they will be here. If Cora Jones sees me this way I shall never hear the last of it. And Lady Agnes Agnew. (Groans) And Mrs. Junius K. Astorbilt! (Groans) Chloe f ENTERING door r. in hat and coat and tug- The Parlor Patriots 17 ging a valise). Ah 'm leabin' yo' Missus. (As she talks "Dixie'' is softly played off stage) Ah'm going fo' to cook at one ob clem dere canteen places fo' de soldiers. What dem no-count slack- twisted No 'them gals know 'bout cookin'? Ah wouldn't wish fo' nothing wusser fo' dat pizen Kaiser critter dan to eat dere cookin'! Ah may be old an' humly an' brack as de ace ob spabes but Ah's an American, praise de Lord! An' Ah. kin cook for my country if Ah cain't tote a gun. Mrs. Smythe (wildly). But the sandwiches and the salad and the cakes for the tea? Chloe {cheerily, going l.). If dey's hungry dere's bread and butter and a knuckle ob ham in the pantry. Good-bye, missus! (^EXITS l. The door hell rings) Mrs. Smythe (ivildly). They're beginning to comet (^Lady Agnes ENTERS) Hobbs, see if you can get me out of this chin strap. (They tug at it without success) Oh, I am undone ! I am undone ! Lady Agnes (concealing a smile). I'm afraid that you're not undone, mum. Why not put a scarf around your head and say you have the toothache? Mrs. Smythe (wildly). No ! No ! (Bell rings again) Yes! Yes! [EXIT r. Lady Agnes (looking after her). I could almost be sorry for her in spite of her flimsy ambitions. (Grows stern) But no! These women who put on the garb of patriotism just to attract attention and get into the papers should be shown no mercy. They deserve a les- son in humiliation. (She goes out l., returning with Gladys Gusher, a mannishly dressed reporter, with note-hook in hand) Gladys Gusher (handing her card). Gladys Gusher of the Daily Gahhle. Lady Agnes (taking it). Yes, mum? I'll tell the lady. (She goes out r.) Gladys {stalking ahout the room and taking notes). H 'm, rotten taste ! Looks like a Fourth Avenue Second- hand shop. (Takes notes) ''The palatial residence of this celebrated society favorite." (Looks at a vase) Woolworth. (Taking notes) "Priceless objects d'art 1 8 The Parlor Patriots garnered from, all corners of the globe with the- rare taste of a connoisseur." (Glances at the pictures, sneer- ing) Daubs! Look like cigarette coupon premiums! (Takes notes) ''Exquisite paintings from the brushes of the world's most celebrated artist. (Reads over notes) ''Exquisite — rare — priceless" — Piffle! This ly- ing for a living is beginning to get on my nerves. Mrs. Smythe RENTERS, door r., agitatedly, a scarf wound about lier head and tied under her chin, other- wise stylishly dressed. Shaking hands). Delighted, my dear Miss Slusher, I'm sure. Gladys (correcting her). Gusher! Mrs. Smythe (still nervously shaking hands). Yes, yes, of course ! You must excuse me, Miss — er — Musher, if I appear a trifle upset. I am suffering from a severe attack of neuralgia. Gladys (poising pencil over pad). Now for the inter- view. Mrs. Smythe. You know Miss — er — Crusher, I am very reluctant to speak of myself Gladys (business like). Of course. Of course. I have all that written down already. (Refers to her notes) Let's see, here it is, "I have always shunned publicity," smiled the charming society favorite, "but 1 feel that it is now my duty to overcome my reluctance and throw aside all foolish modesty for patriotic consid- erations. ' ' Mrs. Smythe (rather dazedly). How remarkable. That is precisely what I intended to say! Miss — er — Blusher Gladys (grimly). Then I've saved you the trouble of saying it. Now for a few questions. (Taking notes) What is your age, Mrs. Smythe, if it is not asking too much? (Aside) It's certainly asking a good deal. Mrs. Smythe (simpering). Not at all, Miss Flusher. I am twenty-eight, though I am sure you never would believe it! Gladys (dryly). No, I never should believe it! (The door R. opens to adynit Flossibelle in groiun-up clothes, carrying a bag, followed by Nora in suit and hat, also carrying a bag) The Parlor Patriots 19 Flossibelle. Oh, here you are, mother. ("Mrs. Smythe liolds out her Jiand without looking up) Gladys (staring). Is this your daughter, Mrs. Smythe? Mrs Smythe (smiling sweetly). Yes, this is my little pet, my baby, my Flossibelle. (She looks up, and shrieks at the change in her daughter's appearance) Flossie. What have you done ? What have you done ? Flossibelle (quietly). I've grown up, mother. I'm sorry, but it's no use. There's so much work to be done in the world and I'm going to do my share of it. I start training at the New York Hospital this afternoon. Good- bye, mother. I'll run in and see you when I have a free hour! (Slie goes toward door h.) Nora (follows Flossibelle, and turning at door and looking hack). Ye '11 not be nadin a nurse gurrul anny longer Oi 'm thinkin ', so Oi '11 lave yez, too, madam. Oi 'm going to wurruk on a farm and do me bit for me coun- try, so good-bye! (She EXITS l. after Flossibelle) Mrs. Smythe (collapsing on the divan, feebly) I'm sure I don't know what you will think. Miss — ah — Husher ! Gladys (grimly). Oh, I never think. I wouldn't be a success as a newspaper writer if I did! (The door hell rings. Lady Agnes ENTERS r. to answer it) Mrs. Smythe (taking her aside). Answer the bell, then go to the kitchen and make tea and sandwiches — ham sandwiches. Lady Agnes (going to door r.). Yes, mum. (She ushers in Miss Trya Gain, Mrs. Lotta Fadde and Mrs. Cora Jones and EXITS door r.) Mrs. Smythe (introducing them to Gladys j. Mrs. Cora Breckenridge-Allenby-Castleton-Jones, President of ''The Pink Tea for Pale Lieutenants Association," Mrs. Lotta Fadde, Major General of ''The League for Providing Embroidered Pyjamas for Commissioned Of- ficers," and Miss Trya Gain, Secretary of "The As- sociation for Smoothing the Foreheads of Wounded Heroes," let me introduce Miss Rusher of the Daily Gahhle! 20 The Parlor Patriots All (in cliorus). Charmed to meet you, Miss Usher. Gladys (writing). Mmmm-mm. ''Ladies who are de- voting their beauty and talents to war work" — mmm — ''prominent in patriotic endeavor" Miss Trya Gain (gnsMngly). Ah, when I think we are to meet dear Lady Agnes Agnew my heart flutters like a little bird. (Site lays lier Jiands on Tier cliest) Like a little timid, new-fledged bird. Cora (to Mrs. SmytheJ. But, my dear, you look so extremely — extreme ! I hope there 's nothing wrong ! Mrs. Smythe (laughing desperately). No, no, a mere toothache Cora (cattisJily). My dear, you don't mean to tell me your dentist made yours so natural that they can actually acJie. The wonders of science are beyond be- lief. (Tlie hell rings. Lady Agnes ENTERS door r., crosses to door l. and iisliers in Hobbs, as Lady Agnew, arrayed in an amazing tilted ostrich liat, yellow gloves and weird gown which is absolutely covered with medals, rihhons and orders) Lady Agnes (announcing her). Lady Agnes Agnew. Mrs. Smythe (rushing effusively forward). Ah, Lady Agnes, this is an honor, indeed, to welcome you beneath my humble roof. Hobbs (loudly). Hi sye, none o^ that spoofin'. Yer mykin' gyme of me, that's wot. (She ENTERS, jingling as she moves and looks about her, hands clasped behind her back) Rippin' plyce you've got 'ere. H'i h 'expect h'it caust yer the bloomin' h'eyes h'out of yer 'ead — wot? (^Lady Agnes, wlio has been lingering at the door L., puts her handkerchief to her mouth) Ijady AG:t^Y.s (muffled). Ha! Ha! Ha! Mrs. Smythe (sternly). Hobbs! Bring in the tea wagon at once. Lady Agnes (trying not to laugh as she passes Hobbs J. Yes, mum. Ha- ha-ha! (She runs out r.) Mrs. Smythe (pushing forward a chair). Do sit down, dear Lady Agnew and permit me to introduce my friends, Mrs. Lotta Fadde, Miss Trya Gain, Cora Breckenridge-Castleton-Allenby-Jones, and Miss — er — Squasher ! The Parlor Patriots 21 All (in chorus). Honored, I'm sure. HoBBS (loudly). Eight-o! H'i 'opes H'i sees yer h'all in good 'ealth. Beastly weather, wot? Oh, rotten, quite ! Mrs. Lotta Fadde (aside, gushingly). So delight- fully English! So aristocratic! Miss Trya Gain (clasping her hands romantically). Oh, do tell us, dear Lady Agnew, how you left that charming creature, the queen? ^Lady Agnes appears with the tea wagon) HoBBS. H'o, 'er 'Ighness wos feelin' a bit balmy, rawther. The 'eat H'i suppose! ("Lady Agnes hands tea, trying not to smile. Hobbs speaks aside as she takes a cup) Ow h'am H'i doing h'it, my lydy? Lady Agnes (aside). Splendidly! (To her) Sugar and cream, Lady Agnew? HoBBS. Both^ me good girl. H'i tykes me tea with h'all the trimmings. Wot's that you 'ave there? 'Am sandwiches! (She helps herself to one in each hand, and takes large hites out of each alternately ) Well, this 'ere's a little bit 0' h'all right, wot? H'as the Duke of Pokes-Togis h 'often said to me, ''there's nothin' like 'am for the innards, ' ' 'ee sys. Cora (awed, aside). The Duke of Pokes-Togis, did you hear that? Mrs. Smythe (aside to Gladys j. One of the oldest and most noble families in England. Don't forget — (Pointing) — ''decorated by all the crowned heads of Europe!" Gladys (grimly). Do you suppose I could forget deco- rations like that ? They'll haunt me all my life. (Aside) Of all the atrocities committed in this war that hat is the worst. Lotta Fadde (to Mrs. Smythej. But I thought, my dear, that Mrs. Astorbilt was to be here? Mrs. Smythe. I'm expecting her any moment. (A ring at the door hell) That must be she now! (^Lady Agnes goes out and returns with Mrs. Astorbilt, a plainly dressed, middle-aged woman, carrying a hand- hag) 22 The Parlor Patriots Lady Agnes (announcing). Mrs. Junius K. Astor- bilt! fHoBBS starts, looks about and seems much agi- tated. SJie glances about as tJiougJi meditating flight) Mrs. Smythe (rushing forward). Mrs. Astorbilt! I have long anticipated the moment of seeing you beneath my humble roof. Mrs. Astorbilt (shaking hands pleasantly). That's very good of you. Sorry I was so late, but I was de- layed at the Eed Cross workrooms. There was a hurry order came in this morning and as usual we were short of workers. (Looks at her keenly) By the way, Mrs. Smythe, I don't remember to have seen you there. Mrs. Smythe (abashed). No — with my other patri- otic duties I have hardly had the time for — h'm — prac- tical details Mrs. Astorbilt (glancing about). Nor the rest of these ladies. Tut, Tut! Every woman in the country ought to be doing war work these days. Why, I made my own bed this morning so that my chambermaid could finish the sweater she was working on. Mrs. Smythe. Ah, but they a?'e doing war work, Mrs. Astorbilt. Permit me to introduce Cora Breckenridge- Allenby-Castleton-Jones, Head of ''The Pink Tea for Pale Lieutenants Association," and Mrs. Lotta Fadde, *' Major General of the League for Providing Embroid- ered Pyjamas for Commissioned Officers," and Miss Trya Gain Trya Gain (gushingly). ''Secretary of the Society for Smoothing the Foreheads of Wounded Heroes. ' ' Mrs. Astorbilt (dryly). Oh, I see ! And Lady Ag- new? Mrs. Smythe (leading her proudly to the shrinking HoBBSJ. A proud moment of my life when I can intro- duce two such celebrated women. Mrs. Junius K. Astor- bilt — Lady Agnes Agnew. Mrs. Astorbilt (holding out her hand). How do you — (Pausesy staring at the cowering Hobbsj HoBBS (much agitated). H'i didn't know you was coming, Mrs. H 'Astorbilt. H'if you'll h 'excuse me (Edging away) The Parlor Patriots 23 Mrs. AsTORBihT (angrily). Of all things! ^^0 Mrs. Smythe; Who do you think this person is? Mrs. Smythe (faltering). Why, Lady—Agnes— Ag- new— decorated by all the crowned heads of Europe Mrs. Astorbilt. Nonsense ! You are being imposed upon ! This is Harriett Hobbs, a parlor maid whom I discharged three months ago for spilling iced lemonade down the back of one of my guests. (General conster- nation. Mrs. Smythe sinks into a cliair. Lady Agnes tn tJie doorivay looks on enjoyingly. Gladys Gusher seizes lier pencil, hriglitening ) Gladys. What a story this will make. '^Society Climber Fetes Parlor Maid. ' '—Everyone in New York will want a copy of the Gahhle to-morrow. Mrs. Smythe (wringing her liands). We shall be the laughing stock of the town. We can never live this down — never ! Lady Agnes (coming forward quietly). May I be allowed to make a suggestion, mum? ("Mrs. Smythe nods) Possibly if to-morrow's paper could announce a substantial contribution to the Red Cross from all the ladies present they would see their way clear to omit the — hm — story of the tea. All (eagerly to Gladys J. Oh, would you? Gladys (tJiougJit fully). Hm, I suppose the Red Cross needs all it can get Lm)y Agnes (speaking passionately, the ''Star Spang- led Banner'' sounding softly off stage as she does so) 1 he Red Cross needs money, but it needs workers more Not women to play cards for it or get up bazaars for it not women to dress in costume and stand on the streets where they can be admired and won't have to do any hard work. It needs women who will put their time their strength, the thoughts of their brains, the love of their hearts generously into the great womanly task of providing bandages and supplies for the comfort and healing of a sick world. It needs workers, not shirkers it needs (Pointing to them) you! ' Miss Trya Gain (wiping her eyes). I didn't realize — I never dreamed 24 The Parlor Patriots Mrs. Fadde and Cora Jones (togetlier). Nor I! Mrs. Smythe (to Gladys Gusher ;. You needn't put my name on the announcement of that donation. Just say from ''A Friend." Gladys (rising). I 'm afraid there won't be any men- tion of it in the paper to-morrow unless you put it in. I have decided to write no more silly sob stories while the world is at war. If they will take me I am going to join the Y. W. C. A. Ambulance Corps. Mrs. Smythe (clapping). And we'll go to the Red Cross rooms with Mrs. Astorbilt, won't we, girls? All (in cliorus). Yes! I should say so! Yes, in- deed ! Mrs. Astorbilt (to Lady Agnes J. It seems to me I recognize you? Didn't we meet Lady Agnes (smiling and putting out lier hand). At the Countess of W ickersham 's House Party five years ago ? Yes, I believe we did. Agnes Agnew is my name. All (in amazed cliorus). Lady Agnes AgneAv! Lady Agnes (appealingly to Mrs. SmytheJ. I hope you will forgive me for this deception. But you see I have seen so much suffering, and so much need over there on the other side. It made me a little angry to think that there were v/omen who were using the war as a means of getting into society or into the newspapers (The ivar ivorkers look at cacli otJier, ashamed) and so I made up my mind to teach you a little lesson Mrs. Smythe (taking her hand). I am sure I needed it for one. I hope you will forget your unlucky first im- pression of us and let us prove to you that we can be useful after all ! Lady Agnes (shaking hands cordially tvith all). In- deed, I am sure of that already. This afternoon has taught me a lesson, too. (She touched the apron she wears) It proves you can't trust appearances. There are brave, loyal, true, hearts often hidden under the costumes of parlor maids and — parlor patriots! Curtain. FEMALE CHARACTERS CBANFOKD DAMES Play in One Act. Eight or Fourteen Females By Alice Byington Two Interior scenes. Costumes of sixty years ago, A clever adap> tatJon of Mrs. Gaskell's " Cranford," which is perhaps one of the finest pieces of humoristic writing within the range of English fiction. Plays one and a half hours. PRICE 15 CENTS MURDEB WILL OUT Farce in One Act. Six Females By L. M. Elwyn One Interior scene. A breezy and effective farce in which half a tfozen bright girls can delight an audience with half an hour of Innocent fun. Grandmother Stiles and her demure but frolicsome granddaughter are excellent characters ; Dinah, the colored cooIj, is amusing, and Bridget O'Flaherty is a funny Irish girl — her quarrel with Dinah being exceedingly laughable. Plays thirty minutes. PRICE 15 CENTS * - !■ I I , I I I . , |-tt GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. ; OR, THE LADY DOCTOR Farce in One Act. Seven Females By L. M. C. Armstrong Plain Interior scene. An exceedingly bright piece for young ladies. In which young Dr. Gertrude, already a victim of circumstances, is made the victim of a practical joke. Plays thirty minutes. PRICE 15 CENTS MAIDENS ALL PORLORN Comedy in Three Acts. Six Females By Evelyn Simms Scene, a parlor in a seaside cottage. Three young girls, chafing under the monotony of a man-forsaken resort, write Teddy to come and visit them. Teddy cannot come but answers that his friend. Dr. Jocelyn Denby, will come and help while away the time. Great prep- arations are made for his reception, including much interest by a maiden Aunt. Each prepares a present to bestow on the Doctor and feigns an ailment to interest him. The Doctor arrives — a woman. Plays one hour. PRICE 15 CENTS PLACE AUX DAMES; OR, THE LADIES SPEAK AT LAST Shakespearian sketch in One Act. Four Females One plain interior scene. Four of Shakespeare's heroines, Portia, Juliet, Ophelia and Lady Macbeth, find themselves at a watercure where they discuss their husbands. A clever burlesque, long a favorite and now published for the first time at a popular price. Plays forty- five minutes. PRICE 15 CENTS THE ROMANCE OF PHYULIS Comedy in Three Acts. Four Females By ETvelyn Simms One interior scene. A capital little play offering four well co», traeted parts of nearly equal value and strength. Plays one hour. PRICE 15 CENTS FEMALE CHARACTEES -"••— i' ^fff PEHEGBINATIONS OF FOLLY Comedietta in One Aet. Three Females By Helen P. Kane One plain Interior scene. Polly and Margaret, bachelor maidSj being invited to attend a musicale, determine to exchange escorts. The result may not have been such as was intended, but certainly was one to have been expected. The dialogue throughout is brilliant and snappy, the action quick, thus ensuring a success for this bright sketch. Plays forty-five minutes. PRICE 15 CENTS THE BAINBOW KIMONA ' Comedy in Two Acts. Nine Females By Eleanor Maud Crane One Interior scene. The Rainbow Kimona is a club composed of seven of the Senior Class, each member wearing a kimona representing one of the colors of the rainbow. In a small apartment an entertain* ment is arranged in which each girl assumes a leading character in one of Shakespeare's plays, burlesqued in outrageously comical style. The whole thing is a medley of the most amusing kind. Plays one and a half hours. PRICE 25 CENTS OUTWITTED ' Society SketcJi t» One Act. Three Females One interior scene. Two of the girls twit each other about the attentions of a handsome young army oflBcer at a ball the night previous, each covertly aiming to outwit the other. It transpires later that the officer has had a little tiff with another girl to whom he was engaged, and his attentions were merely side-play. For cutting but polite sarcasm this sketch is rarely equalled. Plays twenty minutes. PRICE 15 CETNTS THE FUTURE LADY HOLLAND ' Comedy in Three Acts. Four Females By Helen P. Kane One interior scene. The dowager Lady Holland has arranged that her niece, Diana, should marry Lester, the present Lord Holland, son of the dowager. To that end she directs another niece, Yvonne, to devote herself to Stacy Brent, thus throwing Diana and Lester to- gether. How successful her scheme proves is told in the climax. Plays one and a half hours. PRICE 25 CENTS TOM'S ARmVAL Play in One Act. Three Females One interior scene. Three maiden ladies, learning by wire that Tom is to arrive, make different arrangements for his comfort. The surprising arrival of Tom creates consternation in the little household and the audience is kept out of the secret until the last moment. Plays twenty-five minutes. PRICE 15 CENTS ' THE CONSFIRATORS Comedy in Ttco Acts. Twelve Females By Evelyn Simms One Interior scene. A clever little comedy showing how the Senior Class girls got the best of Miss Primleigh. Sparkling throughout* Plays about forty minutes. PRICE 15 CENTS VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES ^^™^^»^-^— »^— — — — - THE COWARD A dramatic episode in 1 act, by Taylor Ewen. 5male, 3 female characters. 1 interior scene. Time, about 30 minutes. A small-cast Western sketch so often desired. Arthur Royce, a telegraph operator in a Western state, a former Harvard student, now in league with two road agents, holds up the Overland Limited. Ongua, an Indian also a Hai-vard man who was basely treated by Royce while at Cambridge, is aware of his connection with the hold-up. What the road agents do and how Royce is saved by the Indian is dramatically told in this little sketch. PRICE 25 CENTS ' HIS DINNER FOR TWO A playlet in 1 act, by Franklin Johnston. 1 male, 1 female character. 1 Interior scene. Time, about 20 minutes. The perplexities of a young poet and his wife in financial distress. He discovers that their very last possible dinner is barely sufficient for one. To make sure that his wife shall have it alone, he pretends to have an engagement with friends. She, unaware of his self-denial, gets a little jealous of his preferring the society of friends and leaving her alone. He suddenly- obtains lucrative employment and returns to tell her of it. A mere sketch^ but admirably elaborated, and a charming analysis of individual character. PRICE 15 CENTS A CHANCE AT MIDNIGHT ' A dramatic episode in 1 act, by Charles Stuart. 2 males, 1 female, and a non-speaking part for a five-year-old child. 1 interior scene. Time, 25 minutes. A powerful, dramatic sketch, wherein is told how a scoundrel attempts to blackmail a wife, and is foiled by an escaped convict. PRICE 25 CENTS THE COON AND THE CHINK ^"^ A vaudeville sketch In 1 act, by Walter Carter. 2 male characters. 1 Simple interior scene. Time, about 20 minutes if played straight, or longer according to dancing or singing specialties-which may be introduced. This )s a very bright dialogue between a negro and a Chinaman. PRICE 15 CENTS A SUCCESSFUL FAILURE " A vaudeville sketch in 1 act, by George M. Eosener. 2 male, 1 female character. 1 simple interior scene. Time, about 45 minutes. A very clever little skit in which the pathetic and humorous are happUy blended. The role of Lindy, the reporter, offers great scope for a bright, vivacious actress. PRICE 25 CENTS A GENTLE TOUCH A vaudeville sketch in 1 act, by Katharine Kavanaugh. 1 male, 1 female character. 1 interior scene. Time, about 30 minutes. Costumes modern. A very bright little cross-fire sketch between a retired major and a jolly soubrette. PRICE 15 CENTS A VAGABOND COUPLE A vaudeville sketch in l act, by James Swelmler. 2 male characters, t plain interior scene. Time, about 20 minutes. A screamingly funny ohM^ acter sketch with opportunity for songs and specialties. PRICE 15 CENTS FEMALE CHARACTERS RECEPTION DAY AT THE SETTLEMENT HOUSE An ontertainment in 1 act, by Agnes C. Ruggeri. Can be played by 12 or 16 female characters. 1 interior scene, simple or elaborate, as desired. Time, if played straight, 1 hour, op can be lengthened if specialties are introduced. The managers of the "New Thought Settlement House ' ' invite their friends, nominally to inspect the building, but incidentally to induce some financial support. Among the visitors are German and Irish char- acters, suffragists, etc., some in favor of and others opposed to the move- ment, all widely contrasted and all good. This play has been presented several times for some of New York's largest churches and always with gieaX success. PRICE 25 CENTS A DAY AND A NIGHT A comedy in 2 acts, by Agnes C Rugger!. 1 female characters. 1 interior scene. Time, about 1 hour. Modern costumes. Dorothy, an idealist on the subject of boarding houses, advertises as about to open a cozy, comfortablo home for members of her down-trodden sex. The applicants, including a suffragist, a demonstrator, an actress and a singer, are of such different classes that great scope is given for character impersonations. Jennie, the waitress, and Mammy Sue, the colored cook, have strong comedy parts. PRICE 15 CENTS ROSEMARY A play in 4 acts, by Arolyn Caverly Cutting. 14 female characters. 1 Interior scene, plain or elaborate, as may be desired. Time, li hours. Par- ticularly adapted for girls' high schools. The action of the play occurs in Boston. The cast, including as it does two Southern girls, a prim Boston matron, an old darkey mammy, an Irish maid, the "twinnies" and the Other Boston residents, gives great scope for character acting. PRICE 25 CENTS A CONVERTED SUFFRAGIST A play in 1 act, by Katharine Kavanaugh. 3 female characters. 1 easy Interior scene. Time, about 30 minutes. Modern costumes. An excellent opportunity for a clever dialect comedienne, as an old dackey mammy has a very effective role and is quite important in developing the unexpected climax. PRICE 15 CENTS THE WHITE DOVE OF ONEIDA A romantic drama in 2 acts and an after scene, by Helen P. Kane. 4 female characters. Plain interior scene. Time, about 46 minutes. Easily produced. An absorbing story of a child who has been stolen by the Indians and her restoration after many years. PRICE 15 CENTS A LESSON IN ELEGANCE A play In 1 act, by Bernard Herbert. 4 female characters. Parlor scene. Modern costumes. Time, 30 minutes. A bright little society play, wit* ftumerous keen witticisms at the expense of ultra-fashionable people. PRICE 15 CENTS MILITARY PLAYS '25 CENTS EACH BY THE EJ^EMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10* 4 EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2)4 hours 10 4 PRISONER OF ANDERSON VILLE. 4 Acts; 214 hours.. 10 4 CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1)^ hours 9 6 ISABEL, THE PEARL. OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 3 LITTLE S AVAG E . 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 4 BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 9 3 BETWEEN TWO FIRES. 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