4 ^-^ ,^*' 4 O .TX/^ K "^ ^^^ .^ ^° "^eOigitized by the Internet y° '/ a'^^^^^. in 2011 with funding fr in z^^^ witn tur .... 216 CHAPTER XVIII. Of sundry noted Places in the Neighborhood of Naples — ^The Tomb of Virgil— The Lake Agnano— The Grotto of the Dog— The Sol- fatara — Monte Nuovo — The Grotto of the Sibyl — The Lake Avernus, and the Town of Baice — Together with Contributions towards the Biography of a certain ardent Follower of Science . 226 CHAPTER XIX. Containing the Character of Pliny the Elder, and an Account of the City of Pompeii, Past and Present 244 CHAPTER XX. How we journeyed to the Eternal City, and of our Besetments and Contentions and Strivings by the Way, and how hard it was to make good our Lodgment therein ....... 257 CHAPTER XXL How we strove to do our Duty by the manifold Sights to be seen at Rome, and of the Expert whose Aid we invoked — Containing also an Exposition of the Science and Art of Topography as ap- plied there, with Descriptions of some of the principal Churches, and Notes on the Vatican 271 CHAPTER XXIL The Relics of the Ancient City 28.''> CONTENTS. CHAPTER XXIir. PAGE Of Rome in its Modern Relations; its Squares, Fountains, Picture- Gallcries, Palnccs, etc.; including Short Disquisitions on Art and Co-tenancy — Of certain Great Rejoicings going on thereat, and a Vision of the Woman of Babylon — Concluding with the Sorrow- ful Story of good little Santy Tudwolley 297 CHAPTER XXrV. Relates how we went from the Eternal City to Civita Vecehia by Rail, and how we there took Shipping for Marseilles— Of our Bark, her interior Economy, and how she was navigated to her Port, and the Quality of the Skipper thereof .... 311 CHAPTER XXV. A Brief Mention of the City of Marseilles, and how Hostilities broke out between us and the Hotel of Peace — A Cursory View of Paris, interspersed with Episodic Observations upon, first, the Excellences of the Military Law; and second, the Inconveniences of Sunday-Clothes 323 CHAPTER XXVI. How we vrent from Paris to Calais, and how we passed over the English Channel with due Observance and landed at Dover — How we went to London — A Cursory View of London, with some Facts that militate against the Assertion that the English are a Nation of Shopkeepers 343 CHAPTER XXVII. How we set out for Liverpool to embark for America, and of the agreeable Companion we journeyed with — A few Observations on Liverpool — A Glimpse of Ireland, and the Passage Home, with an Account of the Principal Passenger and of my Shipwreck, and the Conclusion of the Volume ...... 357 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS DOCTOR OF PHYSIO. CHAPTER I. Shows why and when the Doctor went forth upon his Travels, and how he got as far as Cuba — Of the Circumstances of his Disembark- ation at the City of Havana, and an Account of the Hotel El Telegrafo. In the latter part of 1868, a gentleman of Richmond, Virginia, with whom I had been traveling in Minnesota, during the summer, as physician and companion, pro- posed to me to accompany him on a winter tour. He was suffering from a pulmonary affection, and he in- tended to visit Florida, Cuba, and Southern Europe, in the hope of deriving benefit from their milder climates. It had long been a darling wish of my heart to see Europe, and I had been three or four times on the point of having the wish gratified, but lawsuits and marriages and other calamities that had befallen friends with wliom I had arranged to go, had prevented the execution of the design, and at length the war and its consequences seemed to have destroyed the chance of it altogether. It will readily be believed, therefore, that I embraced the opportunity now offered with alacrity. I immedi- ately set about making the necessary preparations, — stir- ring up my debtors with great sharpness, somewhat augmenting the number and importance of my creditors, and bidding adieu to mv friends; who, for the most part, 2 (9) 10 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS transformed what ought to have been a sorrowful scene into one of joy, by ice-cream and oysters, and donations of pocket-liandkei'chiefs and chewing-tobacco. Surely, nothing can be more soothing than parting from real friends. Blessings on mine, for they are among the best in the Avorld. They have never failed to facilitate my departure, and I hope soon to afford myself the pleasure of parting from them again. I was without encumbrance of wife or sweetheart or children, to be rai.=ing objections and bellowing after me; was disfranchised, and so relieved of all solicitude con- cerning the welfare of my country; and all my patients, in anticipation of the journey, had beoi either killed by their diseases or cured by my judicious treatment — except a few old chronics, whose only chance for salvation de- pended on their never beholding me again. ]n short, I was ready to go at once, and in condition to stay just as long as it suited the humor of my companion. On the first of December, then, we set out, and, lin- gering for a time in Florida, finally embarked at Cedar Keys, in a little tergiversatory steamer with a hard- swearing captain, in which, by slow degrees, we were rolled out of the country. On the last night of the trip the steamer surpassed herself in churning us up. Bilious through and through, I hailed the dawn of the last day of 1868 with feelings of supreme delight ; and, rising be- fore the sun, found that we were steaming along the- Cuban coast. It was just far enough from us to have itself clothed in a thin veil of haze, and thus veiled presented in the morning light a more picturesque and pleasing sight than if it had been altogether unclouded. The mountains and hills that rise and loom loftily as the land recedes from the sea give it a bold and majestic appear- ance, while, at the same time, the eye is refreshed by the sight of villages and plantations, which, combined with the tropical fertility that marks the country and the air of prosperity that, whether imaginary or real, is spread over it, endue the prospect with peculiar impressiveness and beautj^ At half-past seven we stood confronting Morro Castle, — having come to a stand-still in obedience to the law of OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. H the land, which requires all vessels to stop and undergo examination before being allowed to enter the harbor. A glorious display of bunting got up by the occupants of the castle, which was intended to notify the citizens of Havana of our arrival, ensued ; and being found to be all right, as far as could be ascertained at this early stage, we were permitted to proceed. Passing through the narrow throat of the harbor, which is completely com- manded by fortifications, we began to sail up the beau- tiful bay, cheered by blasts of martial music from the castle, in which the ice-horny twang characteristic of much of the music of these parts strikingly predomi- nated. And now came to us, as we moved along, boat after boat, containing all sorts of ofiBcials, demanding all sorts of papers and requiring all sorts of information — a part of the excellent sj^stem adopted by the Spanish government to facilitate commercial intercourse, and which causes the haven of Havana to rebellow with the blasphemies of tars. Spanish officials as a class are dreadfully afraid of being overreached, and are especially dubious of Ameri- cans — our people having among them a great, though not overgood, reputation for the possession of astonish- ing acumen. As an instance of their cautiousness, I was told that an American company had proposed to the government of Xew Grranada to catch all the alligators from the Magdalena River gratis, for the sake of their hides — these alligators being of an impudent, homicidal breed that were continually walking out upon land, wa}^- laying and consuming cliildren. But the wise men and counselors of New Granada, pondering deeply upon the proposition, opined that there was more in these hides than met the eye; and considering, further, that the fathers and grandfathers of the young people for generations had been eaten without any notable incon- venience resulting, they declined to accept the offer. Scrupulous and punctilious at all times, the Cuban authorities were now a hundredfold more vigilant than ever, suspecting everybody and everything; for the rebellion was raging in the inaccessible depths of the island ; some battles had been fought between the loyal- 12 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS ists and rebels, in which one of the latter was known to be killed, and one of the former admitted to be wounded; and every nation of the earth was believed to be surrep- titiously inching its talons thitherward for their engob- blement. In addition to the official boats, bumboats — perfect little floating shops, with fruits, cigars, etc. for sale — also came flocking around ; and boats with the hotel- runners, clamorous and pertinacious, with the banners of their respective establishments floating gloriously over them, pursued us indefatigably. Nothing more than verbal communication was allowed to be held with them. A bumboatman, inspired by a respect for law as praise- worthy as it is rare, even declined to pass a pear up to the commander till permission from the authorities should be oljtained. The commander refused to ask it with amazing warmth, and went without the pear. Presently the authorities, for their own behoof, called the boats nearer, and got therefrom a most sumptuous repast of oranges and bananas and sardines and wine and cigars, and thus intercourse to this extent was established. An exorbitant number of these officials, enough to watch every hole and corner of the ship, were aboard of us. They were in the uniform of their order, consisting of a Panama hat and long-tailed linen coat with faint blue stripes and black cuft'-pieces, and they were men of portly presence and good appetite. Their vigilance was excru- ciating, and -thoroughly disgusted our officers and crew. In about three hours after dropping a final anchor, the authorities decided that our four passengers had possibly not come there to take the city, and might be allowed to land without bringing irretrievable disaster upon the body-politic. In the mean time, while they were arriv- ing at this conclusion, we employed ourselves in contem- plating the scene The approach to Havana and the view of it from the water is famous the world over for its beauty. The love- liness of its situation, the picturesqueness of its buildings and their strange kind of architecture, make of it at all times a pleasing and interesting sight; while the extreme brilliancy of the morning sun under which we now beheld OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 13 it threw over all a sort of romantic air which enraptured the eye and engaged the attention, so that even three hours enforced gazing upon it was not altogether intol- erable. The harbor is more than two miles in length and wide in proportion, being a paragon of harbors for commodiousness and safety and beauty; its main draw- back being tiiat it does not smell good — so I have been told, though candor compels me to say that though I have snuffed at it time after time with great care, I have not been able to detect this fault. The handiwork of man does much to enhance the interest of the scene. The ships of every nation on the globe are seen here packed in masses at the wharves or scattered singly all about the harbor; and as you stand on the deck of your vessel and look around the spirit is refreshed by the sight of a floating dry-dock, several warehouses, the roof of the Tacon Theatre, the opening of the city sewers, an orphan asylum, a hospital, the jail, and fortifications of divers forms in sundry places. Among the boats my companion had descried that bearing the banner of the Hotel El Telegrafo, and in it the commissioner or interpreter pertaining to that hos- telry. The interpreter recognized him simultaneously, or rather a little antecedently; and a joyful recognition it was, for the interpreter remembered that last year he had spent five months in Havana, and a great many dollars among the corps of the Telegrafo In this boat we em- barked and sailed to the passengers' landing-place under the surveillance of a myrmidon of the law. On reaching the shore we were subjected to the indig- nity of having to open our trunks with our own hands, and then of having them heartlessly rummaged before our eyes. With feelings of indignation not untinetured with trepidation we saw our dirty clothes turned heels over head, our paper collars finger-marked, the photo- graphs of our beloveds leered at, and my bundle of smoking-tobacco punched through and through in many places. It was demanded of me whether I had letters to any one on the island ; to which I returned a negative response. I was also interrogated in Spanish touching ray possession of a pistol. Now I had a revolver at that 14 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS moment in the pocket of my overcoat, which was slung over my arm ; but I am a poor, diffident creature, and fearing that pistol and revolver might not be transmuta- ble terms in Spanish, I was afraid that I might exhibit my ignorance by producing one when asked for the other, and so responded strictly to the point, disclaiming any such ]iossession. No plunder worth taking being found in our trunks, they were restored to us, and we were then thrust into the clutches of one from whom to escape scathless is impossible. This is a saucy little functionary, who sits in a cage and presides over the incomings and outgoings of way- farers, no one being allowed to pass or repass without being lightened for the journey. At the first pop he stole two dollars apiece from us, and then fastened upon our passports ; and all the satisfaction we could get was a scrap of trilingual paper called a landing-permit, of which I will merely say that if its Spanish and French are as awfully execi'able as its English, it should be used as a gun-wad for the summary execution of the ungrammatical villain who concocted it; — this was all we got for our two dollars, except the information that he intended to have four dollars more out of each of us before we got out of that island. In consideration of these facts, it will excite no wonder in any well-balanced mind to be told that during our sojourn in Cuba we were rankling with rebellion and spent night and day in calling down bene- dictions upon the rebel cause. Escaping from the custom-house, we were put into a vehicle by the interpreter and hurried to the hotel, where the entire establishment, from the landlord down to the second assistant cook and bottle-washer, in honor to my companion, turned out to receive us. Great was the re- joicing over us ; we were promised the best apartments in the house, — which being, however, at that time in occupation, we were temporarily put into one of the worst ; water, soap, and towels were dealt out in profu- sion ; and in due course, renewed, regenerated, and dis- enthralled, we were taking our ease in our inn. The Hotel El Telegrafo is situated in the extra-mural portion of the city, opposite the parade-ground; so that OF A DOCTOR 'OF PHYSIC. 15 the eyes of its guests can be gladdened by the sight of the process of developing the inchoate son of Mars into a perfect man of war; and is hard by the Havana Rail- road depot ; so that their ears can be easily split by the everlasting bowlings that burst from the whistles of the locomotives congregated there — for surely no railroad in all the world doing a like amount of business, nay, doing a hundred times as much, makes a fuss comparable to theirs. Their locomotives are American built, provided with whistles the most disastrous to the auditory appa- ratus that science has hitherto devised, and they begin to shriek hours before daybreak, which they steadily con- tinue in long, loud, and tremendous blasts till the time arrives to begin again next morning. Could the rebels have captured this railroad and rooted it up it ought to have been a matter for general gratulation, for it is diffi- cult to understand how any real peace can exist while it survives. The hotel is under the dominion of Don Juan Miguel Castaneda, a venerable old fellow, the soul of courtesy — unhappily ignorant of English, but who walks about equipped with an interpreter and looks after the comfort of his patrons ; — and woe be to any domestic complained of to Don Juan, for he is incontinently seized and cast out with wrath and violence. Under his man- agement the Telegrafo has got to be esteemed as perhaps the best hotel in Havana. It is kept clean — a thing much to be desired and something rare in Spanish countries. Bedbugs are slain wherever caught, and, marvelous to tell, no flea dared molest us during our stay. The intel- lect even of our era of enormous mental energy has failed to evolve an}^ more reliable device against mosquitoes than the netting used by the fathers, which enables us in our agony to substitute suffocation for venesection — this is liberally provided by Don Juan, and hence it must be admitted that he has done his duty in this particular also, so that it is by no connivance of his that they sometimes make his house too hot to hold its inmates. The chambermaids in this hotel are all of the mascu- line gender. The one presiding over our apartment was a lean African youth of Cimmerian darkness, very atten- tive and sociable, and seemingly of rebel proclivities in 16 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS politics, from the zest with which he would shout out vioas of Cuban itidopendenee in a low voice when he deemed no loyal ear was listening. His name was either Benito or Bonito, — a distinction involving a notable difference; the former signifying Benedict, and consequently being a very judicious and tasty prenomen, while the latter is the Spanish synonym for pretty, and in the present instance could not be applied without arousing in the mind of the recipient, if he possessed a spark of sensi- bility, the most poignant realization of unworthiness. Being myself somewhat fastidious in philological mat- ters, I considered the subject, and, concluding that Benito was the true appellation, adopted it in my communica- tions with him. My companion, however, who cared not a straw for the niceties of language, but concerned himself only with the aesthetics of elocution, always called him Bonito (or more strictly Bone-eater), this being susceptible of a more emphatic cadence, and so better fitted for exclamatory pronunciation than the other form. Benito was filled with a laudal)Ie thirst for knowl- edge, aspiring to proficiency in the English tongue be- cause of a burning desire to get to the United States, — the great impulse driving him to make this hegira, according to his own declaration, being an unquenchable longing to exercise the elective franchise. His aspiration was encouraged by various guests, who taught him a great many English words, which he learned readily, for he had an eminent genius for philology. But his teachers were mostly of a facetious order of intellect, and, ignor- ing the refinements of the language, stored him with ex- tremely plain Anglo-Saxon words and idioms, so that I fear me mightily that when he comes to our land and begins conversation upon the model set him by his instructors he will serve to point the apologue of the boys and frogs, realizing that what was sport to them is death to him. In Havana the custom is for two meals a day — break- fast between nine and ten, dinner from four to six. On rising in the morning the hotel bestows upon you gratis a cup of coffee ; at night you can obtain a cup of excel- lent chocolate, for which you will be charged, unless you OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. ■ ^ swear that you won't pay for it, when Don Juan will gracefully strike it from the bill. Between meals raven- ous people sit down to a foi'mal lunch; all the lady- boarders do this — the abstemious content themselves with an orange, or banana, or a slice of pineapple, these fruits being kept always set forth in the office for the public accommodation, where can also be found a chunk of charcoal glowing in a silver-plated fire-dish, for the benefit of smokers. The bill of fare is as lengthy and variegated as any gourmand need wish, but the style of cookery is rather disappointing. To get vegetables you must be content to have them fished out of an olla, which is a conglomerate boil of almost every culinary element in the animal and vegetable kingdoms, from sausage to cabbage. The dessert is simple, consisting generally of fi'uit-jellies, though sometimes you will be furnished with cakes which are radically defective in what constitutes cake according to our views of the structure of cakes, and with a kind of soapsuds pudding which will cause you to mourn over the misuse of the good things of this world, and possibly make you overflow with bile. Good table-wine is provided at every meal, and at the end of it you can have your coffee. Now, in common with the generalit}^ of my countrymen, I like when breakfasting to drink my coffee j^ari passu with the mastication of my food ; but the waiter never succeeded in thoroughly com- prehending and conforming to this anomaly, and every morning it required a new and reiterated expression of my desire to have it respected and obeyed. In justice to Don Juan's cooks, it is but fair to add that the appetite is so demoralized by the fierce heat of Havana that the eater may be easily led to blame his provender when he should rather denounce his recreant stomach and liver. 18 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS CHAPTER II. Exhibits some of the Characteristics of the City of Havana. Though it does not cover an inordinate amount of ground, Havana is large in point of population, which numbers near two hundred thousand. A wall of ponder- ous stones, begun more than two hundred years ago and a hundred years in building, now brolcen down in many places and going to decay, divides the city into two parts, called respectively the Old City and the New. The former, which borders the bay and is the great business quarter, is a crowded, compactly built, dismal assemblage of houses, permeated by streets narrower than many of the alleys in other cities, which cross at right angles, and from which ascends an aroma of villanous pungency. After looking and smelling around here no one will be surprised that yellow-fever and cholera make terrible ravages among the Habaneros. There is the merest apology for a sidewalk, and, as the streets are generally thronged with passengers and vehicles, pedestrianism is not pleasant. Owing, however, to the urbane willing- ness of the people to walk in the middle of the street, collisions are not frequent, between passengers, at least; though between passengers and vehicles they are com- mon enough. In a heavy shower the water rolls down these narrow thoroughfares in a sluice, and dogs, babies, and the infirm must get within-doors or be washed away. The stores, which are very numerous in this quarter, are for the most part sad-looking, disheartening strong- holds, with iron gratings over the windows ; but they are well supplied with goods of every description; and so accommodating are the shopkee[)ers, and at the same time such able financiers, that they can sell their mer- chandise below cost and still realize a handsome profit. Coffee-houses and cigar-stands abound here, and, indeed, are superabundant in every part of the city. Almost OF A DOCTOR OF FHYSIO. 19 every establishment in Havana dependent upon the public patronage solicits it through the medium of some figurative epithet emblazoned on its sign. Thus " The Nymphs" is a dry-goods store; "The Industry" deals in hardware and perfumery; and at "The Elegance" you can obtain old barrels and trash in heterogeneous variety. Some of them are hallowed by scriptural ap- pellations; for instance, I noted "The Resurrection CoflFee-house," "The I Am Saloon," and "The Immacu- late Conception College for Young Ladies." In the New City the streets are generally much wider, and the aspect of affairs more lively. This quarter is, however, somewhat hotter than the Old City, from whose streets much of the glare of the sun is kept by the ap- proximation of the houses. But, on the other hand, it is quieter, far better ventilated, and decidedly less high- scented. Stores are numerous here, too, and cheek-by- jole with private residences. Indeed, the commingling of shops and dwellings is the rule all over Havana. There is no fashionable quarter, and it is impossible to judge of one's ton by the locality in which he resides. The style of architecture is striking. The prevailing taste is for a building of two stories, very seldom three, and often only one in height, with walls of amazing thickness, doors massive and studded with big-headed bolts, windows with iron gratings of the most substantial pattern, and the whole concern apparently got up ex- pressly to laugh a siege to scorn. The houses are gen- erally large, plain, and hard-looking even to meanness, giving the town a rather depressing air of antiquity. The roof is flat, and frequentlv adorned with battlements and with ornaments of the minaret or ten-pin species — the otKcinal designation of which I am not in a position to determine. Over the outer walls is plastered an elab- orate coating of stucco, which is daubed with vast flakes of yellow and blue paint or whitewash — commemorative, I suppose, of the gold and azure wherein their old friends the Moors took such rare delight. The street fronts of many of the houses are constructed with arcades, or covered ways, — a thrice-blessed architectural device, for it enables one to promenade the highways to a consider- 20 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS able extent protected from the rays of the sun, which is a matter of the primest importance in this incandescent ch'mate. The proprietor deems it no derogation from the dignity of his mansion to rent out the lower part for shops; and if he owns a horse, the noljle animal is pro- vided with apartments in the dwelling along with the rest of the family. There is generally a court inclosed by the building, which is set off by shrubbery, and around it runs line upon line of corridors up to the roof, which itself forms a commodious area for drying clothes. To keep cool seems to be a cardinal aim with the inhab- itants, and in constructing their dwellings everything is subordinated to it except the equally strong disposition which every man has to make his house truly his castle. Window-glass is eschewed to a great extent, the floors are tiled, and every means is employed to cajole the breezes to play about the habitation. The combined result of these two motives is that a Havana house may be a very ungainly structure to behold, but yet one of the most agreeable to abide in. To the longing for re- frigeration is sacrificed some of the delicate desire for privacy which characterizes the dwellers in temperate climes, so that in many residences the interior of the apartments, bed-chambers inclusive, is left perfectly patent to the public gaze; and many a time in my nightly wanderings have I been privileged, poor, igno- rant bachelor that I am, to get an inkling of the mysteries of love-making, and had my soul refreshed with glimpses of domestic joys by beholding, to use the words of an old bard who was a great favorite of mine in my earlier years,— "The neat little girl a-inending of her clothes, And the good little boy a-reading of his book." For the recuperation of the parboiled citizens there are two or three parks. In the Old City there is the Plaza de Armas, fronting the captain-general's palace — shad}^, but small and rather strongly flavored; having stone benches, which are much used as beds by the weary loafers belonging to this quarter. In the New City there is a very fine park, called, till OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 21 within these latter days, the park of Isabella II., from a statue of that unlucky potentate which adorned it. But one of the tirst acts of Captain-General Dulce after his landing being to stretch forth his hand and jerk her Majesty up by the roots, it was during my stay in Havana anonymous. The statue was a sweet effigy, with a benignant countenance, into which I used to gaze with a continuous benevolent grin and an occasional \\m\ of respectful admiration ; and it was: with some- thing of a love-lorn feeling that I passed by one morning and beheld the tracks of the cart-wheels that had borne the old lady away in the silent watches of the night to the lumber-house. I inquired diligently concerning the disposition made of her, but whether she had been pre- served intact or been ungallantly ground up into fertilizer I could by no means ascertain. Notwithstanding its bereavement of its statue, a number of fountains, par- terres, and shade-trees, with iron benches under them, suffice to make it a most pleasant resort ; and every even- ing it is thronged with the Habaneros, who come to enjoy the agreeable promenade it affords and to listen to the music of the military bands. For their accommodation a public-spirited individual keeps here a multitude of chairs, which he lets at tive cents the sit; and seated upon one of them I have again and again solemnly spec- ulated upon the length of time it would take an enter- prise of this sort among us to become bankrupt, — allow- ing, as seems not unreasonable, that the proprietor would incur a deficit of two-thirds of his legitimate revenues nightly by clandestine occupation on the part of his white fellow-citizens, and that in about a week his whole stock would be transmuted into firewood by the men-and- brethren. I loved to linger there in those balmy even- ings, where I could sit by the side of the lovely senoritas, and though debarred from converse with them could yet listen to the sweet flow of their beautiful language and to the fascinating crunches of their little teeth upon the peanuts and sugar-candy, which they come down upon with powerful gusto. As it is too warm to walk with comfort, except in the morning and evening, and as the accommodations for 3 22 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS pede.strians are rather of the worst, the custom of riding is almost universal. Accordingly, there is an infinite number of vehicles, which carry passengers about the city at a very cheap rate. They are usually drawn by a little horse of the Cuban breed, which, possessing the same unhappy tendency to immortality that distinguishes our mules, is driven without mercy to the bitter end, which generally comes to him in the bull-ring, where he is at the last sent to participate in the fight and die the death of a hero. The coachmen themselves are identical with those who scourge all the other cities of the earth, — defiers of all laws, human and divine, which they either break to flinders outright, or else hideously warp, to the serious loss and excessive fermentment of their helpless victim. One class of these vehicles is peculiar, and is certainly a sight most rare and curious to see ; it is the volante. To obtain a realization of a volante, take the body of a one-horse chaise, beat on it, stamp on it, and pound down on it with rocks and paddles till it is flattened to one-half of its primal height; next attach to it a pair of shafts three times as long at least as any which the most daring intellect among our coach-makers would not shudder to imagine ; and then clap on a pair of the largest-sized wheels that can be got for love or money, letting them stick out well to the rear; at the extreme terminus of the shafts hitch your animal ; if you can afford the expense, have another animal hitched outside the shafts; and on this one, or, if merciless necessity forbid the team, then on the single one, perch a darkey rigged in boots most gloriously bedaubed with silver-plated medallions and curlycues, and so fearfully and wonderfully made that their tops can readily carry three days' rations — and you will have a critically correct reproduction of the aristo- cratic turn-out of Havana. Ensconced in this you bounce pleasantly hither and thither like a trap-ball, and can, na}^, must in the narrower streets, go straight ahead, for to turn a corner is with them one of the most delicate of manipulations, unless they have all out-doors to do it in. This is the style in which the ladies love to go when they do their shopping, and such is the venera- OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 23 tion in which these wonderful contrivances are held that their owners will not degrade them by putting- them in a stable or coat^h-house, but keep them ostentatiously displayed in their front parlors. A walk through the streets of Havana furnishes one with a good many objects of interest. There is some- thing of excitement in it, too ; for the break-neck velocity with which the vehicles are driven along these narrow ways forces the pedestrian to exercise the discernment of the hawk and the agility of the antelope to keep from under their wheels. The drivers are perfectly reckless, and I am convinced that their recklessness is strongly tinctured with malice prepense. I verily believe that they strive to run over the foot-passengers ; and in my own case — may confusion confound them for it! — they succeeded. On the very day of my arrival I was cast down and wellnigh destroyed by a volante which bore down upon me with the utmost wrath and violence while I was standing on a corner with my whole heart and soul absorbed in the attempt to decipher a theatre bill. My stock of Spauish objurgations was at that period limited to one which I had picked up on my way over from Florida, of so appalling a character that, as I after- wards learned, no decent person would have uttered it for the world. This objurgation I hurled at the driver with all my strength, whereat he laughed derisively and went thundering on. In the streets you will see multitudes of venders of multifarious articles, many of them conveying their wares in immense hampers slung over the backs of horses. The kind and quality of their commodities they announce in syllables of dolor lengthily yelled forth of the saddest and most lugubrious cast. From them can be procured everything required to supply the daily wants of a family, — fruits, chickens, eggs, and sugar- cane — which last article is sucked in enormous quantities by the citizens. You will also very likely meet with large droves of cows, accompanied by their calves, com- ing into town to be milked at the doors of their patrons — a plan worthy of all commendation and imitation, since it allows every consumer to water his milk to suit his 24 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS own taste. Another thing that you will be sui*e to see, is a long string of horses advancing towards you over- whelmed and almost hidden in extraordinarily volumin- ous loads of green fodder, giving you a capital idea of how Birnam wood came to Dunsinane; and you will furthermore see a good many clumsy carts drawn by oxen, which will afford you the opportunity of comparing the Cuban method of applying ox-power with ours — their method being to gear the ox so that he pushes with his forehead instead of pulling with his shoulders as with us, and is said to be much the more consonant with the ox's own views on this important matter; while any tardiness of locomotion is forestalled by a substantial stick with a sharp nail in the end of it, which is poked into him with all the fervency and zeal which is uniformly displayed by folks hereabouts when operating on the feelings of their fellow-creatures. You will also be able to realize the immense business that is done in the sale of lottery- tickets. A great many persons gain their livelihood exclusively by peddling these tickets, and you will en- counter tliem everywhere, equipped with great sheets of tickets and a pair of shears, ready to snip off as many as you want Lastly, in the survey of the streets, here, there, and everywhere you will be assailed by beggars till you are constrained to believe that if the number of persons en- gaged in a pursuit furnishes any indication of its pros- perousness, mendicancy is one of the most lucrative and desirable avocations that can be followed in Havana. Along these highways there floAvs a continuous tide of people with complexions of milk-and-cider mixed in various ]iroportions ; every one, with scarcely an excep- tion, smoking a cigar or cigarette, and dressed in costume to suit the climate. Some go in their shirt-tails, and some few without any shirt at all. The ladies' dresses I cannot undertake to describe, being but poorly versed in the technology of the subject, but I observed that they were furnished with the most portentous trails, which sweep the streets efliectively as they amble along ; and I have often chuckled most self-satisfactorily as I beheld them raking up the hundreds of old cigar-stumps that OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIO. 25 strew the path, to think I was not a husband or a father compelled to equip them with dry-goods for this purpose. With the most deprecatory deference I would add, after having seen the ladies of Spain, that in my humble judgment the Havana fair ones are demoralized both in dress and looks below the standard of their trans- Atlantic fellow-countrywomen — which, however, I hasten to attribute to the malefic influences exerted upon them by proximity to the United States. On the other hand, by the benefic influences from the same quarter they are moralized in comportment far above them — no winks, blinks, or grins being bestowed upon strange gentlemen out-of-doors (at least, none were bestowed upon me) by a lady of Havana. As far as I could discover — and as a traveler after information I felt it to be my duty to exhaust all reasonable means, such as staring at them till they blushed, and the like, to ascertain the fact — their discretion in public would not shame that of a daughter of the Puritans under the same circumstances. As for the male element of the population, I think the same influences that have operated against the appear- ance and improved the morals of the ladies have injured the manners of the other sex. They do not exhibit alto- gether as much of that lofty courtesy which distinguishes the gentlemen of Spain. Nevertheless, they are ex- tremely polite, offering you anything in their possession that you happen to express an admiration for. I know of no quicker mode for a strict-constructionist to acquire a fortune than by circulating among them, praising their property, and taking them at their word. They cherish many of the other traits that mark the fatherland. They have the national tendency to procrastination, manana (to-morrow) being a word that the stranger soon learns from the everlasting repetition of it. They are the same rigorous believers in the power of the via medicatrix naiurse, by which the hides of men and beasts are in their judgment enabled to withstand an unlimited amount of pounding; and it would be hard to say whether father or son is the more expert in passing oft' counterfeit money. Among the trading portion of the community there is a profound knowledge of the subtleties of prevarication. 3* 26 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS I was assured by one who knew them well, and my own experience bears out the assurance, that in dealing with them the only way to get your rights is to outlie them ; if you are a mediocre liar, or, worst of all, if you are a plain sticker to the truth, you have no resource but in their mercy, and their stock of this is small and of poor quality. Their mode of life in Havana is to stew all day and cool off in the evening by riding or promenading in the parks, or collecting together in the coffee-houses to drench themselves with iced drinks; and as there are no reading- rooms, no Young Men's Christian Associations, and, in fact, scarcely any place at which to spend an evening except the coffee-houses and theatres, these institutions are enormously patronized. The coffee-houses are the great rendezvous for acquaintances and cities of refuge for married men. The people of Havana smoke as incessantly as Vesuvius, every man, many a woman, and nearly every child being a votary of the weed. Their conversation — that of the lower orders, at any rate — is full of strange oaths, some of them awful to think of, and it is the universal habit when it is wished to attract any one's attention, instead of calling out like a Christian, to hiss like a goose. The most active phase of Havana life, perhaps, is to be viewed in the markets and on the wharf; in other places and under other circumstances the people appear more or less listless, their energy being vaporized out of them by the heat. There was a market-house or bazaar — and a very substantial and commodious structure it was — back of our hotel, in which I vvas fond of loung- ing in order to be refreshed by the bustle prevailing there. There was a spacious court inclosed in a quad- rangular range of little shops, where all manner of com- modities were offered for sale, and in which hat- and shoe-making and other manufacturing pursuits were car- ried on in all their branches. It pleased me to stand by and contemplate a brother bachelor reasoning with the fire of a Demosthenes for a reduction in the price of a chicken-leg, — a chicken is sold both by wholesale and retail here, — or to observe a father making the family OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 2t marketing- as he bore away his beans, his lottery- tickets, liis calendar of saints'-days and drawing-days, his fine- tooth comb, and his fish — all wrapped up in a pocket- handkerchief. On the wharf it is brisk indeed. It could not be otherwise, for mariners are a fearfully exacting- people, and whoever has to work at their behest must do it with all his heart and soul and strength, under penalty, in case of default in the least degree, of being cursed out of his wits, and possibly of being knocked on the head in the bargain. To economize space, the vessels are moored with their bows to the wharf, where they lie packed in crowds. Merchandise of every description is strewed around, and the shouting of the captains and the grunt- ing of the stevedores give special animation to the scene. It is recorded by Mr. Knickerbocker, the historian, that the early Dutch settlers of the New Netherlands were wont to import tiles from Holland. In my investigations about here I discovered that the people of Havana also import tiles. Why they do it I did not ascertain, though I am very sure it is not for lack of dirt to make them with. To conserve the peace of the city they have a body of police armed with cutlasses. These are rather ferocious in look, but fortunately, perhaps, for the welfare of the public are of somnolent tendencies and pass a good part of their time in nodding. As a rule, in making an arrest their duty is held not to be fully discharged without a few whacks with the cutlass ; but they use the flat of it, and, provided the malefactor evinces an aptitude for the reception of wholesome correction by jumping around and bellowing, he may chance to get to the bar of justice unscathed, except by a thorough good paddling. If, how- ever, he show himself sullen and insensitive, the}^ try the edge on him. As a Southerner, I was naturally interested in noting the condition of the negroes here. It appeared to me that they were treated remarkably well. Before I visited Cuba it was my impression — and doubtless it is that of many Americans — that they were subjected to great hard- ships and even cruelties ; but, as far as I could learn 28 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS fi'om observation and inquiry, such was not the case. It was even the reverse. They had a great many privileges — some of them very valuable ones — secured by law ; more than were granted to the slaves in our Southern States. I know that they walked about unjostled and undisturbed, enjoying unquestioned equally with the whites the right to walk in the middle of the streets and to get run over by carriages. The fact is, the divid- ing line V)etween white and black on this island is not always to be easily drawn, and the races are conse- quently placed nearer on an equality than they can prac- tically be with us. As a natural result, the negroes are happy and contented, and will probably remain so till some philanthropist comes along and gives them the fatal information that they have "rights." The negro men are robust, hearty-looking fellows, and many of the women are positively elephantine with fat; and it is one of the common and striking sights of Ha- vana to see one of these expansive African matrons floundering along the highways with a long-nine stuck in her mouth and rigged out in the height of fashion, with a broad scarf drifting from her shoulders, and a trail whose length has been adjusted in liberal proportion with her own width. It is said that this sublime fatness is due partly to the nourishing juices imbibed in the suc- tion of sugar-cane, but in a far greater degree to the nutrient virtues of dirt-casing, — in proof of which it is affirmed that if the subjects are scoured they dwindle visibly, and if the operation is persisted in they finally perish from a general wasting away. But the most wonderful thing about the colored persons is to hear them speak Spanish. I am aware that travelers before me have marveled to hear the children in France dis- coursing French so glibly. This is doubtless extremely curious ; but to hear a nigger talk Spanish — ah ! it is overwhelming ! The 6th of January is an anniversary pregnant with joy to every colored soul, for on that day they are tem- porarily emancipated; and the result is as if the powers of darkness were all turned loose and the city of Havana is upheaved from its foundations. The day is celebrated OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 29 firstly as a festival of the church, and secondly to com- memorate the overthrow of a mighty African potentate who, as tradition hath it, did long: syne lord it abomina- bly over his virtuous and unoffending^ subjects. Early in the morning, in taking my accustomed airing, I was driven by a shower for shelter into the portico of the Tacon The- atre. Immediately there came upon me a great band of the emancipated, and hemming me in they forthwith struck up one of the national airs of Guinea, with an instrumental accompaniment upon appliances which I had never known before employed to aid the cadences of music's glorious swell. There were horse- hair fiddles and shoe-string bows, sugar-cane fifes, drums made of hollow logs, and an anonymous instrument formed by inclosing pieces of demolished cups and saucers in a shot-bag — the whole reinforced by the ice-horny bugles of their adopted country. The effect of this combination was indescribably grand. Never hitherto had I fully realized the power of a harmony of discords. I began to think I was running crazy. An ingenious idea struck me. I at once began to distribute five-cent pieces liber- ally, and so precipitated matters, bringing out the worst they could inflict and hurrying it to a crisis; and after enduring ten minutes of inexpressible auditory agony I was allowed to depart. They and their compatriots spent the rest of the day in constant repetitions of these scenes, waylaying and surrounding unhappy passengers in the streets, and dazing them into yielding up their last real, or laying siege to the hotels and harrowing the money out of the pockets of the guests collected in the balconies. Banding together in orchestras, with the like rare instruments to those which I have specified, men and women, with countenances adorned with a handful or two of flour, and rallying round a leader all gloriously bedight with feathers and skins of varmints, voyaged hither and thither through the town, stopping at every propitious spot to chant the songs and perform the dances of their fatherland — giving a woful revelation of human- ity when unregenerated by the right of suffrage. Some of them of graver demeanor went about singly, distrib- uting printed papers containing high-strung poetical 30 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS laudations of their excellent qualities, for which a pecu- niary recognition was expected; and others, musical, but respecta):)le and segregate, walked into the stores with bugles and without ado blew so wild and hope-destroying a blast that the inmates wailed forth a beseeching goose- hiss with one accord and cried their mercy with a donative. Their extravagances on these occasions are endured with great loving-kindness and patience by the citizens, but overmuch joy at times brings some of them within purview of the cutlasses of the police ; and on the night of this day I beheld the counterfeit presentment of some puissant Ethiopian original, clad in a royal robe of red and with an ample ruff of turkey feathers round his neck, puffed up into the insanity of arguing a point of municipal law with one of the custodians. In deference to the day, iiowever, the custodian was magnanimous, and merely gave him a thump in the back which would have dislocated the spine of any other than an African magnate, and bade him go home, instead of paddling him off to the calaboose, as he would have done under any less genial circumstances. In return for the beneficent treatment they experience, the colored people do the citizens a good service by gath- ering up the cigar-stumps that might else breed a pesti- lence, and drying, powdering, and consuming them in the shape of cigarettes. It is generally known that the Coolies form a respect- able element in the servile population of Cuba. They are prett}^ plentiful in Havana. I studied them with considerable interest, and, as the question of Chinese labor has become one of some moment in our own coun- try, I will briefly sum up my observations made upon them in that city. I found them to be a quiet, unob- trusive people, attending to their own business and med- dling with nobody else's concerns, walking along the streets with their shirt-tails clean out of their breeches and with their eyes cast down, seemingly profoundly pondering upon what they are engaged in at the time, and maintaining an eagle watch for cigar-stumps, in lust of which they rival them of Africa. Best of all, they OF A DOCTOR OF PIIYSFC. 31 abound in the rare and inestimable trait in the character of a servant, unselfish desire to please the master — hang- ing themselves promptly as soon as they cease to give satisfaction. CHAPTER III. AVhich is Recreational, Ecclesiastical, Sepulchral, and Meteorological. I HOPE the reader will steadfastly keep in mind the fact that when I travel it is for information. By remem- bering this he can creditably account for some of my proceedings that might otherwise bear a sinister inter- pretation. It was this motive that induced me to attend a bull-fight, — not from any approbation of bull-fights joer se, but because I could not feel that my thirst for knowl- edge was adequately slaked till I had seen so pronounced a feature of the Spanish civilization. Thanks to the humanizing influences of our own Christian country, where a purer public sentiment has substituted man- fights for bull- fights, the better class of the people of Havana have come to discountenance the national sport, and it is esteemed rather discreditable to be seen at the exhibition. The lower orders, however, still enjoy it with all the zest of the natives of Spain. It took place on a Sunda}^, which is the sensational day ; bull-fights, cock-fights, operas, and, in fine, all the best things coming off on Sunday — by which and the raising of flags the Sabbath is almost solely reverenced and distinguished from the other six days of the week ; for as to shutting up shop, abstaining from secular pur- suits, and turning the thoughts heavenward upon the day of rest, it is not the fashion. The announcement stated that "six famous bulls, Yankees and natives of the country," would fight in honor of the volunteers; and the management went on to declare that " it would be ungrateful if it did not say, in view of the legitimate rights proclaimed in this noble land, Viva Eapova! Viva 32 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS Cuba! Glory to -General Dulce!'' — a sort of patriotic outburst then dreadfully common, and figuring on every printed thing, from the theatre-bills to an advertisement of a corn-plaster. My companion, myself, and a general of the armies of the Union, who was a guest with us at the hotel, went together to the Plaza de Toros, where was a large and appreciative audience collected to see the fight, among whom were nearl}^ all the Americans in Havana. Three or four ladies were also present, who, to their honor be it recorded, were soon made sick at the stomach and had to be carried off. The remainder of the assembly was composed mainly of riffraff', inclusive of several of the heroic volunteers, who were very likely dead-heads, and flitted around with their guns slinging about, capped and on the half-cock. According to the published programme, Captain-General Dulce had promised to honor the occa- sion with his presence, and on his appearance the band was to burst out with the great national hymn of Riego, but he failed to turn up In default of him, therefore, we feasted our eyes on the president of the bull-ring, a respectable-looking, dignified old wretch, who sat in state on his throne, and whose word was la"w. The Plaza de Toros is a large amphitheatre, with a fine arena and tiers of seats admirably arranged for see- ing. It has no roof, and hence the prices of admission are graded according as you sit on the shady or the sunny side, being one dollar for the former and sixty cents for the latter. There is also a kind of boxes, which are choice places and put at a still higher rate. Finding these very commodious, we usurped and ensconced our- selves in one of them, although we had taken only dollar tickets, and occupied ourselves in scanning and criticising the audience while waiting for the entertainment to begin. The mode of conducting the performance is about as follows: First, there is a tremendous smash of melody by the band, and while it is riving the ears in sunder the offensive division of the dramatis 2:>ersonse, consisting of villainous-featured men and sorry and sorrowful-looking steeds, enter the arena and perambulate about it to ex- OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 33 hibit their g'ood points — forming as damnable a cortege as needs to be beheld ; the matador, or murderer, avail- ing himself of the occasion to appear before his worship the president of the bull-ring and with the most stately obsequiousness make annunciation to him of the doughty deeds he means to do; the which his worship bids him go and do in gracious phrase, and, presenting him with a sword, dismisses him with a benediction; whereupon the serio-comical cortege files out. Presently there is a blare of a trumpet, and in a bull comes plunging. He goes rearing and rampinir around, and is excited to deeds of daring l>y colored cloths continually flaunted into his eyes. It affords some sport to see him chase the banner- men ; but they easily evade him by getting behind the barriers arranged for their protection, and they succor one another by attracting his attention in a new direc- tion by a flirt or two, for he is green enough to allow himself to be diverted from his object in this way. Two or three horses, whose days of usefulness as beasts of burden or of draught have passed away, are now ridden blindfolded into the arena — the aim of their riders being to place them where they can be most commodiously tossed and gored by the bull. And now one of these unfortunate creatures has his bowels jerked out of him with tremendous applause. This is the fun of the thing. In general, the poor horse shows very little emotion. Doubtless, compared with what he has undergone during his lifelong vassalage to the coachmen of this town, a rake with a bull's horn is but a gentle titillation. He knows that " peace waits him on the shores of Acheron," and thither he departs without unnecessary comment. In order to stimulate the bull to put forth more deter- mined efforts, a man goes in front of him and by a dex- terous movement inserts a long dart covered with pieces of colored paper into each shoulder. Six of these darts are planted in him before he is done with ; and when extra stimulation is required, the darts have fireworks attached to them, which, fizzing and exploding around the bull's head, drive him raving distracted. Great is now the havoc among the horses, and proportionately great is the applause among the enraptured spectators. 4 34 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS The last scene is a single combat between the matador and the bnlj, in which the man, armed with his SAVord, essays to kill the animal. Equipped with a colored cloth, the matador draws the bull towards him by waving it in his face, and as he rushes the man nimbly moves aside and at the same time aims the point of the weapon at the vulnerable spot where the head and body unite. His miss-licks excite manifestations of supreme contempt from the assembly, but the successful blow is hailed with deafening acclamations, and the remains of his antag- onist are ignominiously dragged off by a pair of gaudily- bedizened mules to the sound of triumphal music and sold for butcher's meat. At our own entertainment, where " six famous bulls, Yankees and natives," figured, one fought indifferently, two well, and two very well, while one, who was of the Falstaffian breed that esteems discretion to be the better part of valor, would not fight at all. This one was dragged and beat and kicked out laden with the con- tempt and scorn of an outraged people, and, having saved his pusillanimous beef, no doubt lives to this day, an object of contumely and derision to all high-toned bull- fighters. An old rebel-gray-colored bull performed prodigies of valor, and from the way in which he upset his assailants I had great hopes of seeing the final de- parture of some of them from amongst us; but, like the brave fellows whose uniform he wore, the superior resources of his enemies were too much for him, and he had to succumb. In especial he uplifted and utterly over- threw one of the devils on horseback, and, having him fixed under the prostrate horse, he did poke him about and stir him up right merrily till his countenance did pale with dismay, and this for a long time despite the furious flaunting of all the banners. He also disarmed and put to flight the matador, who preserved his vitality only by the desperate expedient of falling flat before him and allowing him to pass over rough-shod, lu fact, he inflicted such a stigma upon this matador that in obe- dience to the public voice this puissant performer was dismissed in disgrace and a rival matador appointed in his place, who, knowing the scientific touch, did the OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 35 business of the rebel bull, and those that came after him, with clev^erness and speed. I believe I must acknowl- edjj:e that at each of these incidents the current of my feeling-s flowed in unison with that of the citizens there assembled, who would have been pleased above measure had either the horseman or the matador, or both of them, tasted of death. Five or six horses were transferred during the conflict from Havana to another and a better place, and it is with profound regret that I make the additional statement that not a man was seriously injured. On this occasion a boy about twelve years old (who, if he had been a son of mine, I do assert, should have been spanked with astonishing vim and fury for dis- gracing his good old father by being in such company) solicited leave to insert a pair of the darts into the shoul- ders of one of the bulls. Tin's performance, as far as my inexperienced judgment enlightens me, is not inferior in danger to any exploit of the bull-ring, for in executing it it is necessary to stand face to face with the exasperated animal without a weapon or deluding banner, depending for safety solely upon agile movement. The boy accom- plished the daring feat most dexterously. Amidst a long, wild, and enthusiastic shout he was caught up in the arms of the people and placed before the president, who greeted him with words of congratulation and commen- dation, and with much emotion gave him his paternal blessing. A career with so glorious a beginning argues a not less glorious ending, and I do not feel that I am over-confident in predicting that, stimulated by the over- whelming applause he received that day, he will be urged on till he is found worthy to be decorated with the noblest insignia his fraternity can be graced with — the iron bracelets and the collar that fastens with a screw behind. The audience, on the whole, comported themselves very well. They early established an understanding with the performers, advising them what to do, and cursing them heartily when they failed to do it. They were unsparing critics and ravenous for fireworks, for the application of which they ofttimes clamored when the bull was getting along sufficiently well without them. 36 Tilt: BOOK OF TRAVELS The aniiaV)le old president conformed to all their wishes as far as he could, niakin": his subordinates torment the bulls to the utmost of their ability and eviscerate as many horses as the management could possibly afford to lose ; and in short, did everything in his power to enhance the agreeableness of the occasion. Althoug-h Havana taken as a whole possesses charac- teristics of great interest to a stranger, there are not very many individual objects of special attractiveness. Among these few the Cathedra] is paramount. Its foundations were laid two hundred years ago, and it was carried leisurely along towards com})letion for near seventy years. It is a large stone structure, of a massive style of archi- tecture, shaped into rude symmetry. Within it looks somewhat desolate and faded, and, like all Catholic- cathedrals, is at all times hazy and odorous with the fumes of incense. In the centre of the high altar is a statue of the Immaculate Conception, and around the sides of the church are several altars adorned with relig- ious paiiitings, before which the faithful can frecjuently be seen making adoration. The celebration of high mass in this Cathedral is very pompous — a military band performing the national air being introduced to aid the effect — and the impression it makes is grand and solemn. Every Sunday morning I attended the Cathedral, and, though I had an ulterior object in view in which I was each time disappointed, I was always more than recompensed for any incon- venience incurred in going thither. This Cathedral, like the churches in Europe, lags terribly in the march of progress in the matter of accommodations for wor- shijjers, there being no seats provided. Those who go up to the sanctuary habitually take a piece of carpet or a rug to squat on during their devotions, but straggling sinners who have not had the foresight or opportunity to make this provision must either lean against a pillar or kneel on the cold, hard pavement, at the risk of corns on their knees and rheumatism all through them. This arrangement, however objectionable in other respects, has the crowning advantage at least of affording no facilities for nodding, so that the attention is kept alive OF A DOCTOR OF FIIYSIO. 37 from first to last. It would be still more commendable did it have the affect of fixing the attention exelusivelv upon the services ; but the congregation is almost entirely- composed of the softer sex, — the men having wofuliy backslidden, and preferring the cock-pit to the church of Sundays, — and they, instead of steadfastly looking after their salvation, are immensely given to gaping and staring about at their brother-worms — especially at such stra^' ones as are made conspicuous non-conformists by their ignorance of the formulary: — all of the congrega- tion doing this except the colored element, which seems rapt in an ecstasy, and swerves its eyes not one iota from the fugleman. These tastefully-draped female figures gracefully kneeling here and there, the solemn ceremonial of the altar, the band of priests and children ministering around it, and the music, now soft and touch- ing and again loud and triumphant, form a picture strik- ing and beautiful, seeming as if it were some skillfully composed dramatic tableau. But, independent of any claim upon the traveler's notice which its religious uses or architectural features may endue it with, the Cathedral has another and a pe- culiar and sacred interest. To its guardianship are con- signed the remains of the great Columbus. To see the place where these relics are deposited was the ulterior object of my visits to which I have above alluded. But, as I have said, I was every time foiled, for I could not get near enough during the services, without elbowing myself into the front rank of the kneeling worshipers and standing there like the chief of sinners towering among the saints. I poked and peered about as much as I de- cently could, till 1 perceived that I had come to be looked upon as an idle scoffer, — though, indeed, I was no such base thing, — and finally desisted lest some true believer should mash my nose and black my eyes for an audacious heretic. I tried during the week-days, but the Cathedral was always closed, and I did not know how to proceed to get in. One day, however, I found an intelligent colored brother engaged in whitewashing the walls of the curate's establishment adjoining the church, and to hiui I imparted my desires with great fluency, having 4* 38 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS compiled the necessary phrases with much care from the Spanish dictionary. He responded in terms which I was not prepared to hear, and consequently did noi com- prehend. An ag'onizing- scene ensued. First there were mutual misunderstandings, and then high words passed between us, — for the practice seems to be universal to regard a person to whom the vernacular is unintellig'ible as somewhat deaf, and in order to put him en rapport with the speaker it is thought to be necessary to bawl the words at him. By dint of stupendous intellectual strug- gles I gathered the information that the church would be opened at dace y media — that is, half-past twelve o'clock. As it wanted two hours or more to that time, I spent the intermediate period in prowling about the neighborhood. When the stated hour arrived I again repaired to the Cathedral, but not a door was open. The brother of the whitewash brush was still there, and I went to him with a reproachful look. A dreadful hullabaloo began. The only intelligible inference I could draw from it was that he had told me dos y media — half-past two — instead of dace y media; but I was too much disgusted by the ambiguity of the Spanish tongue to be disposed to broil in the sun for two hours more, and so returned to my hotel. But I could not bear to leave America without a sight of the tomb of its immortal discoverer; and so, on the very last day of my stay in Havana, I went again to the Cathedral resolved to get in or perish in the attempt. The doors were shut as usual, but I marched boldly into the curate's house. There was no one there to oppose or to assist me, and I steered my way along with burgla- rious sagacity until I found a door communicating with the interior of the Cathedral. Through this I passed and beheld a lofty scafiblding on which men were mounted engaged in decorating the church for an ap- proaching holyday, and laughing and talking in a very matter-of-fact and undevout manner. They paid no heed to me, and I walked on, and then at last I stood before the place where rests the sacred dust, and reverentially laid my hands upon the marble tablet that marks it. The cavity containing the remains is on the left-hand OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 39 side of the high altar as you enter from the front, in a line with the statue of the Immaculate Conception, and is closed with a slab of white marble about two feet and a half square, having sculptured upon it a bust of Co- lumbus in a medallion resting upon a quadrangle carved into various nautical emblems, overlying which is the following inscription : " i restos e imagen del grande Colon, Mil siglos durad guardados en la urna Y en la remembrancia de nuestra nacion !" "0 relics and image of the great Columbus, A thiiusaud years endure preserved in this urn And in the remembrance of our nation I" The main object of our expedition being to obtain for my companion the benefit of favorable climates, my attention was naturally directed somewhat closely to this subject, and I made some observations which it is my purpose to briefly present whenever in the course of this work I shall have to describe our sojourn in any place of repute as a residence for invalids. Of the climate of Cuba outside of Havana I know nothing, for during my stay on the island I remained in the city — the vexatious police restrictions on travelers, engendered of the insurrection, and my companion's assurance, from former experience, that there were no accommodations fit for a sick mnn in the interior, damp- ing any desire for wandering. Havana itself, however, has a pre-eminent reputation as a winter residence for consumptives. In my opinion it does not altogether deserve it. It is generally agreed that the principal benefit that accrues to a sufferer from this malady by the change to a warmer climate is from the opportunity thereby afforded for taking exercise, from which the cold and inclement weather of his own country debars him. But excessive heat is as an effectual restrainer upon exer- cise as excessive cold, and in some respects is the greater evil of the two, for the latter is susceptible of being mod- erated by the mere act of exercise itself into a tonic agent, while it is hard to make by any expedient anything better than a debilitant of the other. Besides, undue heat en- 40 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS feebles the digestive apparatus, the proper performance of whose functions is a matter of the first importance to the consumptive. Now, if at any place we see a man on a scafToUl laying bricks Vv^ith an umbrella hoisted to save himself from sun-stroke in the depth of winter, we have reasonable grounds for inferring that that place is warm — that, in fact, it is quite warm. Such a sight can occa- sionally be seen in Havana in January. Very early in the morning jt is pleasant, but from about nine o'clock till near nightfall whoso perambulates the city, unless he be already kiln-dried, is like to return with an addled head. During this baking-time the heat is tempered by the sea-breeze, which blows from about ten till four. It is soothing, and indeed indispensable, to sit where it can fan you ; but sitting and getting fanned all day is not exercise as commonly understood. There is, however, no disposition to take any other kind, nor, if there were, could it be gratified without the adventurer being the worse for it. All this part of the day, therefore, is apt to be wearisome, and if its monotony can be broken at all it must be done not by active but passive means. The arrival of evening is hailed with unequivocal satis- faction, for it brings relief. Nothing can be balmier than these evenings, but their balminess, great as it is, does not compensate a man — unless he be a very lazy one — for the waste of the intervening day. There is not much more inclination for food than for exercise. Under the demoralizing influence of the heat the stomach gets to be trifling and unreliable, indisposed to take in anything to do, and doing what little it takes in a slovenly manner. I was very seldom blessed with a satisfactory state of hungriness. Even whisky loses its beneficent powers, and instead of acting as the great consoler stirs up bile and inward strife; and, as befell the Ettrick Shepherd with the jaundice, "you begin to hate and be sick o' things that used to be maist de- lightfu' — sic as the sky, and streams, and hills, and the ee and voice and haun and breast o' woman." Stanch and solid men become infected with a hankering after lollipop, swigging sugar-water, lime-juice, and white-of- ^EE (which constitute a panale) — an indication of a OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 41 serious depravation of taste. And so, what with very little g'oing: into tlie body and everythinji: ca))ab]e of evaporation or filtration transpiring and percolating out of it, the sojourner presently finds himself in a wishy- wash}^ unstable, dish-raggy state, such as bodes no good to an invalid. The mean winter temperature of Havana, as shown by the thermometer, is 71°. Many persons are misled l>y this expression of "mean temperature," understand- ing it as in some degree tantamount to uniform tempera- ture. Nothing can be more erroneous. Sixty degrees in the morning and evening — which would be felt to be unpleasantly cool in Havana — and 93° at noon — which is abominably hot anywhere, will give a mean for the day of 71° ; but it is evident that the latter figures furnish an inadequate criterion for judging the character of the temperature of such a day. Seventy-one degrees is a sufficiently genial temperature, but it is very far from representing the real, practicable bearableness of an Ha- vana winter, for during the greater portion of the great majority of days the thermometer will be found to rise very much higher than this. Of inclement weather there is none to hurt. Rain is welcome, for it tends to cool the air and revives the oppressed spirits. After a prolonged shower it was sometimes but little hotter than one of our fourth-of Julys. I had no experience with the " Northers" which occasionally blow here, and are regarded with abhorrence b}' sick people. The following summary of the state of the weather during our stay in Havana will enable the general reader to form some idea of the character of the climate. It is not drawn up with the scientific precision of the meteor- ologists, and because it is not I flatter myself that it is much less likely to mislead and will prove more service- able. Out of thirty-one days, seventeen were clear and warm — and when I say warm I mean uncomfortably warm; five were cloudy and w^arm ; one was drizzly and warm; five were cloudy and comparatively pleasant; two were drizzly and mild; and one was cloudy and so cool as to enable me to wear a waistcoat and cravat. During this time there were three sfood rains in the uiaht, 42 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS and on one of the cloudy days there was a fine shower, and on two of them heavy ruins. Out of the thirty-one days, therefore, there were twenty-three on which it is safe to say that such natural and rational exercise as walking about the city was nugatory as a hygienic resource, or injurious and even dangerous on account of the heat; while the tempting coolness of some of the rest was made unavailable for this purpose by the drizzle on which the coolness itself depended. Now in justice to the climate of Havana I ought to add tliat my companion was himself partial to it, and, as he had the advantage of being an invalid, his opinion is entitled to much weight. But, in the first place, he was no enthusiastic admirer of exercise under any cir- cumstances and was abundantly content to do without it altogether; and, in the next, it was manifest to me that he suffered from the heat and its concomitant effects. Besides, it must be borne in mind that there is a sala- mander sort of people who rejoice in hot weather and thrive in it, and if my companion really felt better in Havana he must have been one of this kind; while, on the other hand, there is a cold-blooded class who cannot abide high temperatures and are exalted in proportion to the downfall of the thermometer — to which class I belong. And this leads me to say that it would be well for an invalid contemplating a journey to Cuba to subject himself to a preliminary self-examination, and if he find that roasting and parboiling agree with him he will be perhaps benefited by going thither; if, on the contrary, these processes stew the grease out of him and render him soft and mushy, it will probably be to his interest to stay away. In short, then, I dislike Havana as a residence for consumptives because the climate is so hot as to be enervating — destroying the disposition for wholesome exercise and curtailing the opportunities for enjoying it; and because it hinders the nutritive functions of the patient. To Americans it jiresents other objections inde- pendent of sanitary considerations which I need not enlarge upon — such as difference of language and cus- toms, which is a matter of no small import to a sick OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 43 person. Except in the novelty of its scenes and the animation of a large city, I do not perceive that it offers any advantages over Florida, — and these are points not of paramount hygienic importance, — while in all essential particulars it is, in my opinion, inferior to that State. CHAPTER IV. Containing Matter of direful Belligerency relevant to the fireat Rebel- lion in Cuba. — Of the Rise and Exaltation of the Voluntaries, and of the astounding Feats of Arms that they performed. While all the other Spanish-American possessions have torn themselves away from the mother-country and exchanged monarchy for anarchy, Cuba, more wise till recently, firmly retained her allegiance. Faithful among the faithless, her faithfulness was munificently recognized by the bestowal of the proud title of "The Ever-faithful Isle." This is her official designation, and under it she has been robbed and domineered over to this day. Certain bold and eager spirits, chafed at the idea of being forever the plundered and the oppressed, and very likely desirous of doing a little plundering and oppress- ing for their own behoof, have from time to time struck a feeble blow for freedom — and then been garroted in the presence, and generally with the approbation, of their fellow-sufierers. And so the ever-faithful isle continued faithfully to allow its citizens to be shoved out of the way for their cousins over the water who were too no- account to be trusted with anything to do at home, and toiled and toiled for dear old broken-down and greedy Spain. 1 am far from censuring its people for this tame submission, because I am satisfied that for some folks dependence upon even a bad government is better than the best independence they can achieve and manage for themselves. But the revolution in the old country oc- curring, the general upturning thereby occasioned pre- sented an opportunity to the bold and eager spirits I 44 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS have mentioned that they could not neijlect, and almost simultaneously it was noised abroad in Havana that a band of patriots had raised the standard of revolt in the fastnesses of the Oriental department where nobody could o-et at them, and were resolved to defend it to the last. The band was swelled by recruits, each one de- manding!: and obtaining an officer's commission, so that in a little while the new organization was one of the most thoroughly officered in tlie world, and reciuired only private soldiers to assume a decidedly offensive attitude. And now news was received that the rebels were com- mitting frightful devastations in the interior — smoking up all the cigars and turning the negroes free, who im- mediately began sucking all the sugar-cane — an occupa- tion in which they take a fiendish delight. The death- blow thus being struck at the main staples of the island, infused prodigious alarm into the authorities and caused them to put forth vehement exertions to avert it. Prayers were offered up, orders were issued to the custom-house and passport officials to let no man enter in or go out of Cuba without making him bitterly regret that he ever undertook it, and many dozens of troops, in detachments one after another, were dispatched to the theatre of war. What the hostile forces did when they met the public never knew till they read it in the New York papers; for news does not circulate freely in Havana, and in order to know what is going on in the city curious per- sons subscribe to an American journal. At this juncture Captain-General Lersundi reigned in Cuba. He had been very popular, but being surmised to be an adherent of the expelled queen he was now in less favor with the public. Sudden and radical changes in a government are terrible shocks to office-holders, and it is no more than common charity on such occasions to give them time to cogitate before requiring them to ex- plicitly define their position. It appears that Captain- Greneral Lersundi was not explicit, and hence incurred distrust; but he nevertheless gave evidence of his fidel- ity to the interests of Spain by doing all in his power to suppress the rebellion. He had, however, more OF A DOCTOR OF PIIYSIC. 45 to encounter than he had means to cope with. It de- manded all the regulars he had to hunt the rebels and stay the ravage of cigars and sugar-cane ; and squad after squad were sent forth to get upon the scene of action, if they could find it, till at last the city itself was left almost defenseless. In this state of affairs, lest the rebels lying dormant in the metropolis should rise tri- umphantly and take it, he resorted to an expedient which, though frequently adopted, has seldom been found to M''ork altogether satisfactorily — he called for volunteers to protect it. And this was the origin of that for- midable organization which afterwards became a very Frankenstein, threatening to destroy those who had evoked it into being. He had invited the wolves to protect the sheep. To the call of their country the bull-fighters, the dead- beats, the bloodtiibs, and the other braves of Havana made a gallant response. They rallied round the flag by hundreds. They were enrolled, rigged out in all the glorious panoply of war brand-new and resplendent, and organized into companies. The parade-ground in front of our hotel was plowed up by tlie tread of the awk- ward squad, and the air of the vicinity and the ears of the slumberers thereabouts were vexed every morning before daybreak by the blasts of the shrill bugle. Speeches were made to the volunteers, — or "volunta- ries," as they were called in Havana English, — odes were addressed to them, and entertainments given in their honor. Every Sabbath morning they turned out in bulk, in full glor}^ to be reviewed by the captain-general, and on these occasions the noise of their drums and horns was as terrible as an army with banners. The cynosure of all observers, in soldier clothes and adorned with bees-waxed and sand-papered accoutrements, with the entree to the bull-ring and free liquor, and with all his country's wishes blest, sure nothing could be more delightful and honorable than to be a voluntary. For a length of time things went on in this peacefully- obstreperous way — the voluntaries for some unexplained reason comporting themselves with much decorum. In the mean while Captain-General Lersundi had been re- 5 4 6 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS called and Dulce appointed in his stead. The latter was long- in coming-, for though it was of great importance that he should I'each Cuba as soon as possible, it was no less important as a point of etiquette that he should zigzag out of his course to partake of dinner with the dignitaries of all the Spanish dependencies lie could find on the way. At last he was signaled from the Morro. I went down to the wharf to see him land. His recep- tion, apart from the usual military fuss and flurry, was not demonstrative, for he was not much desired by the people, and was less so when it was known that he had brought with him the bishop nicknamed Pimpernel (or some such thing) — a personage very obnoxious, and who had been banished by Lersuiidi for refusing to allow that potentate's ears to be tickled by the salutatory pealing of the church-bells in his progresses through the island. Of course the voluntaries were out in full force and feather, as, led by that love of strut and show which is one of the deadly sins of volunteer nature, they would have been all the same to receive my Lord Beelzebub. Ar- tillery thundered, and the banging and clanging of drums and ice-horns will long to be remembered There was a goodly assemblage of spectators, composed almost ex- clusively of loafers and negroes, who were perched on sugar-hogsheads, and lined the streets. As the pro- cession marched in quick-time past me I uplifted my opera-glass to scrutinize it critically; but just as I had drawn a fair bead on Dulce some supple-jack of a fellow punched one of its eyes out, and I had to devote all the rest of the time to groping for it under the feet of the crowd, so that I missed the best part of the show. How- ever, I saw them carry him to his palace, which was very near by, and there they left him. Captain-General Dulce immediately issued a proclama- tion. Its tenor was extremely liberal, apparently. It guaranteed freedom of worship — to Catholics; and lib- erty of the press on all subjects except prohibited topics. It respectfully asked the rebels to surrender, and wound up with " Viva Eapana ! Your Captain-General, Dulce." He also straightway instituted some reforms in matters which the lax rule of his predecessor had neglected, to OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 47 the detriment of the body politic. His principal move in this direction I have already had occasion to mention, — namel3^ the rooting up of the marble embodiment of her Majesty Isabella II. Besides this threat feat, he rechristened certain parks and places whose names savored of tlie abominations pertaining to royalty. His fair show exalted him a little in the popular favor, and he had a tolerable prospect of a somewhat successful administration. But in less than three weeks after Captain-General Dulce had assumed the reins of government trouble began to come thick upon him. One niglit during a per- formance at the Yillanueva Theatre something was said or done that grievously worked up the loyal bile of the voluntaries who happened to be present ; and without much pi-eliminary ado they opened fire on nobody in par- ticular but anybody in general. A sort of free-shooting ensued among the audience. Several men were more or less damaged, and a ribbon, said to have been of the rebel colors, was pulled off of a lady's head, and the better part of her hair likewise. A dreadful scene impended, but everybody taking to their heels as fast as they could, it was happily averted. This incident created tremendous excitement, and the next day the city was in commotion. The voluntaries turned out and paraded the town with screams of " Viva Etipana.'^' till the backs of their coats were soaked through with perspiration. I followed a company of them down to the captain-general's palace, by the side of a warrior whom I took to be the captain's orderly from the big saddle and bridle he lugged on his shoul- ders, seeking for information but gaining very little. A speech was made to them in the Plaza de Armas, the sentiments of which they applauded with hideous growls of approbation, and then they took a temporary rest and refreshed themselves with bananas and cigarettes. Upon returning from the Plaza to the hotel I presently behela a voluntary at the next corner bayoneting a citi- zen-coacliman. Tljis was a most pleasing spectacle, for I had suffered terribly from these coachmen ; and so in company with my fellow-guest the general of the United 48 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS States army, who had an equal relish for the si<>:ht, — he having just before been offered by one of them the alter- native of twenty cents over-]>ay or the city jail, — I hui'- ried down to enjoy the grateful scene. Just at the raost interesting part of it up came a body of these same voluntaries and commenced whirling tlieir guns around us as if they were crazy. The general and myself at- tempted thereupon to go quietly back to our hotel, but were dexterously intercepted by a voluntary, who made dreadful flourishes at us. Now, being notorious for my suavity of deportment and with an antique cotton um- brella in my hand, I do not see how anybody could present a more peaceful and law-abiding appearance than I did, and the general looked to the full as unbel- ■ligerent; and so, presuming on this appearance, we con- tinued to go on, when suddenly the voluntary drew his gun from the half to the full cock, and playing the muzzle of it all about our digestive apparatus uttered a series of most ferocious words, of Avhich the only one we could hear distinctly was "mismo.''^ We interpreted this to mean " mizzle P^ — and mizzle we did, with promptness and dispatch, into an adjacent coffee-house. Our impet- uous entrance roused consternation in this quiet retreat, and the inmates, rearing and snorting with terror, shut the doors while we made for a place of safety; and get- ting at last into the closet where they kept their liquors, we concluded that we could be in no better spot, and remained there till order was restored, when we made the best of our way back to our hotel. As for rae, I was niighty circumspect in my movements for the rest of tliis day; but tlie general was indiscreet enough to go a-driving in the evening with an American resident- physician, whereby he came to be beset by another vol- untary, who treated both of the gentlemen with unpar- alleled ignominy and contempt — forcing their horse's head back upon his spine till he was in deadly peril of suffocation fVom the strain on his windpipe, and shocking their modesty to the core by the awfully improper lan- guage he used in their presence. From this time forth was waged a war of extermina- tion between the voluntaries and the patriots in Havana. OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 49 It must, I think, be quite refreshing to stand by and see the ruination of a town in whicli the spectator has no personal interest at stake. The operation itself it has been my fortune to witness more than once, but in every instance my own bodily welfare was so much implicated in what was going- on as to rob the scene of its enjoy- ableness. Tiie contest now inaugurated led me to fancy that this aesthetic spectacle was at length about to be vouchsafed to me; but things were not ripe enough for it, and, after all, I had to go away disappointed. The tactics adopted by both parties varied from that inculcated in the recognized text-books. Tlie favorite manoeuvre of the patriots was for one of them to cock himself on the top of some neutral house, peep over the parapet, and when a voluntary hove in sight to let drive at him, and then tip along the adjoining roofs as fast as his legs could vibrate, and so away. For this proceed- ing the house was held responsible, and soon the inmates would be astonished to behold the voluntary making for them to satisfy the claims of justice on their unoffending carcasses. And then woe to them ; for generally the claims were exacted first and the justice examined (par- tially) into afterwards. Deplorable would be the nasal venesection and the ocular nigrification, the eradication of hair and the fracturing of teeth ; and fortunate was any part of the body susceptible of the reception of a kick that bore not many indelible impressions thereof, and thrice fortunate any corn not irrecoverably shattered by the poundings of gun-stocks. And sometimes, too, on these occasions were done deeds which are not to be spoken lightly of. As it was thought like enough that there were patriot- guests in our hotel ready to avail themselves of its facilities to slay their enemies in the fashion, Don Juan issued special orders that whoever could be caught at it should be knocked on the head on the spot, and his body thrown out of the window into the faces of the volun- taries as a peace-offering — the great doors being in the mean time shut and barricaded till an explanation could be made and a cartel agreed to. The voluntaries labored under the disadvantage of 5* 50 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS beinj? readily recognized by their uniform, and hence could be killed rationally, systematically, and knowingly; while, on the other hand, all the rest of the community labored under the disadvantage of not having their polit- ical complexion so completely unveiled, and hence were apt to be killed without reason, system, or knowledge. In fact, in righting their wrongs, the voluntaries were not overscrupulous liow they were righted so that they xoere righted ; and when shot at were well content if they could shoot at somebody in return, no matter who. Moreover, they were not as perfect marksmen as they may yet become, and when they pulled trigger it usually fared better with the victim than the bystanders. They had, however, the sensitiveness of a first-class shot, and it galled them mightily to fire without effect; consequently their favorite plan was to shoot into a theatre or coffee- house, where there was plenty of people, so that if they missed the man they aimed at they would have the sat- isfaction of knowing that, at any rate, the bullet had not been thrown away. It soon became pretty well estab- lished that non-belligerents were in more danger than any other class of people; and, during the height of the disturbances, for some days you could not poke your nose out of your door without the risk of having it blown off for somebody else's. With all their faults, however, the voluntaries had one trait that savored somewhat of a generous spirit: they always gave a man two chances for his life — to run away or to stand still ; and he was allowed to take his choice. If he elected the former, it was, held to be the flight of conscious guilt, and they gave him his deserts on the spot ; if the latter, he was instantly shot as a contumacious and arrogant rebel, insolently braving the true men. The row at the Villanueva Theatre occurred on Friday night, and on the Sunday night following the voluntaries took it into their heads to assault the residence of Don Aldama, rel)el sympathizer so called, which is almost next door to the Hotel El Telegrafo. The proceeding created a terrible to-do in our neighlxirhood. The crack- ing of musketiy mingling ominously with patriotic shrieks, and our proximity to the scene threw the hotel OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 51 into a dreadful state of commotion ; for experience had shown that the voluntaries were monstrous uncertain people, and we feared we knew not what would happen to us all. However, we barricaded ourselves in, and felt a measure of hope from the fact that the hotel had fur- nished no less than six as its quota to these defenders of the country — among whom was our bar-keeper ; and it was with feelings of unutterable relief that our party remembered that we had only the day before bought a bottle of his Schiedam schnapps on trust, and so might count on his protection. Some of the boldest essayed to reconnoitre from the windows, but the whiz of bullets past their heads caused them to jerk themselves in and close the blinds speedily; and in the mean time the hotel corps mostly stampeded for the house-top. Among them I encountered our chambermaid Eenito making off, his eyes gone clean out of sight and his black countenance almost reconstructed on a white basis; and I did what I could to augment his nimbleness by reminding him of the aid and comfort he had given the rebels by his vivas for Cuban independence. One of the corps, Leon by name, our waiter at table, who was in the habit of ever and anon solacing himself surreptitiously with what he called a " yin-cocktl," had glided to a neighboring coffee-house to partake of a glass of his favorite mixture just previous to the inception of the fray, and got back in the nick of time to see the doors slammed to. His petitions for admission were absolutely unheeded, — as would very likely have been Don Juan's himself under the same circumstances, — and Leon had nothing to do for it but to dodge among the columns of the arcade and bear the brunt as best he might till hostilities ceased. The firing gradually died away, the shrieks became fewer and hoarser, and all was thought to be over, when there came a furious knocking at the gates. The stam- pede for the house-top was now well nigh universal, scarcely any one remaining below except a brave lady who had been bedridden for some months, and who dog- gedly held her ground. At last the knocking assumed such an imperative tone that enough courage was col- lected from the crowd to open the door. To our great 52 TEE BOOK OF TRAVELS joy the knocker proved to be our own voluntary bar- keeper, who, wearied with the toils and glutted with the honors of war, had temporarily withdrawn from the field to repose upon his laurels and smoke a peaceful cigar. The storm being now iiiuch abated, we ventured to go a little distance into the street. There I met Leon murmuring at the way of the world in shutting its doors upon friends in adversity, and presently beheld a spectacle that moved nie with sorrow and indig- nation. It was a son of genius, a light of intellect, in captivity. In other words, a reporter for the papers had been taken up. The offense charged upon him was that lie had construed Captain-General Dulce's proclamation of liberty of the press too literally, and had taken the liberty to publish his opinion of the voluntaries, which was one in which the admiration they were wont to hear expressed for their excellent traits was something tem- pered down. He was the spoil of one of the littlest in physical proportions of the honorable body so wantonly traduced — little, indeed, but a nice little man, as I opine from the stalactitical ornamentations about his nose, which showed that, though too little to be intrusted by his ma with the responsibilities of a pocket-handkerchief, he was entirely too neat to use his coat-sleeve as a succe- daneum. It was with heartfelt pride that I listened to my literary brother as he looked down upon the upturned dirty nose of his diminutive captor and defended himself from the accusation — which he did with admirable volu- bility and a multitude of multifarious gestures. Nothing could be a more potent tribute to the power of humane letters than to see the frame of the hardened little volun- tary quivering under the eflFort to suppress the sniffles aroused by my brother's eloquence. Though I under- stood never a word of his fluent argument, I felt that it must be irresistible, and so was not surprised when assured by our interpreter that he had cogently and con- clusively excul[)ated himself from all responsibility for the political complexion of his paper, inasmuch as his functions were contiued to the purely literary departments of market reports, marine bulletin, and belles-lettres. OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 53 Incredibly difficult as it was to do, he succeeded in con- vincing even the reluctant voluntary of his innocence ; and he was, accordingly, allowed to go scot-free — except that his revolver was retained as some compensation for the fruitless trouble to which he had put the conservator of the peace in the investigation of his case : — a very judicious termination of the affair, which no American can reasonably criticise, since its analogue is performed in our courts every day of the year. Forsooth, I myself am intimately cognizant of one such analogue that was adjudicated by the wonderfully exemplary municipality of Lastditch, in which town a worthy dray-driver was arrested on a false charge while pursuing his avocation in the streets, and he and his horse and his dray were all incarcerated therefor, being kept in prison for a night and part of a day; but the next morning, his innocence being made as clear as the noonday sun, he was promptly given his liberty — the which, however, he could by no means compass till he had made satisfaction to the utter- most farthing to the municipality for its provident care in the warehousing of his vehicle and the stabulation of his beast. We remained in the street before the hotel for some time, when a gentleman came up having a pistol in his hand, which he was good enough to hold right to our eyes so as to satisfy any curiosity we felt respecting its pattern and calibre — at the same time requesting us to be so obliging as to go in the house. To show that we reciprocated his courtesy, we complied with his request on tbe spot, went in, closed the doors imperviously, and retired to our slumbers, from which we were roused off and on through the night by an occasional volley or howl. By the blessing of St. Jago, our hotel had escaped a visitation ; but on that same night the Louvre Coffee- house, one of the finest and most frequented in the city, was fired into by a squad of these ver}' singular troops while it was full of innocent and unsuspecting people, and several of them killed and wounded. From all I could hear this was a most dastardly and wanton out- rage, and but for the despicable deficiency of the mur- 54 Tim BOOK OF TRAVELS derers in marksmanship the slaughter would have been much greater than it was. Early the next morning I sallied forth to note the result of the night's proceedings. I fully expected to see Don Aldama's house battered to pieces and every pane of glass in it shivered ; for the voluntaries must have fired upwards of a thousand shots at it, and it is the largest residence in the city, occupying an entire square; so that I know that, even with my limited acquaintance with algebra and geometry, I can demonstrate to a cer- tainty that a man firing at it cannot miss it even if he tries. And yet not a pane of window-glass was broken, and the sole result of this grand fusillade was four or five bullet marks on the wall, and the slaughter of one horse, who had been slain in the streets by a stray ball. A policeman was also seen lying dead that night in the parade-ground opposite, but as he had walked away by morning it was supposed that he was only dead-drunk. The marksmanship displayed on this occasion, so far as I know, has never been paralleled. But tliough the outside of Don Aldama's mansion thus miraculously escaped, it was not so with the inside. The intrepid assailants kept up their efforts unflaggingly till they had put the porter to flight, and then breaking through all opposition which nobody else made, effected an entrance. At once they proceeded to wean back the affections of Aldama's rel)ellious heart to their allegiance by processes which have been in much vogue with the truly loyal in every age and country. To save him from being further bewitched by the siren notes of rebellion they demolished his pianos ; — to prevent him from indulg- ing in treasonable reflections they smashed his looking- glasses. His costly furniture, his noble pictures, things precious and beautiful that lie had collected to adorn his home — all these they broke in pieces, they ripped in tatters, they ground to powder. His household gods they overturned and trampled in the dust — and did it all with that zeal and brutishness which men display from whose breasts a mythic patriotism has crowded out the real humanity ; for, believe nie, my reader, love of country, even when pure and unselfish, is not so noble OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 55 as the love of man ; and your own heart will tell yon, if it is an uticorrnpted one, that an entire patriot — one of the Brutus stamp, who can deli!)eratoly murder his child or despoil or slay his fellow-men for no other rea.son than to show his patriotism — is rather a monster to be de- nounced than a paragon to be imitated. And so these lovers of their country destroyed Don Aldama's property in such quantities and in such modes as must needs con- strain him, if he spoke his honest sentiments, to acknowl- edge that the government he had striven to get rid of, if not tlie best government he had ever seen, was a con- founded sight better than the one he had got for himself in its stead. From this time forth till we quitted the island the voluntaries maintained their exaltation. They wandered over the town establishing the true political faith with a zeal and unction which was increased instead of being diminished by the fact that every day or so some of them suffered martyrdom at the hands of the infidels. Chock- full of patriotism and aguardiente, they inflicted a great many kicks and cutt's on the men and outrages of various kinds on the women — the most common of which was the enforcing of both matrons and maids to shout Viva Eapana! The intrinsic perversity of the female tem- perament often made matters worse for the fair victims than they might have been, for they were very contuma- cious in refusing to shout when bid. The consequence was that they got themselves caught round the neck and squeezed till the loyal watchword was choked out of them. Exploits like these brought the voluntaries to be considered something of a nuisance, and a strong desire was expressed that they would please to resign. The theatres were closed, cock-fights and bull-fights sus- pended, and people, both strangers and citizens, were leaving by every opportunity. In this condition of affairs the captain-general resorted to the measure of rebuking the voluntaries severely for their performances; in return for which he was cursed most heartily and be- spattered profusely wilh the pungent appellations peculiar to the lower order of Spaniards. lie now discovered that he had no -control over them, and endeavored to supplant 56 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS them by calling around him the marines and what regu- lars he could — for which the voluntaries threatened to kill him. It was shrewdly surmised by certain long- headed oracles that the royalist Lersundi had cunningly organized these voluntaries for the express purpose of bedeviling liis liberal successor. Whether this was so or no, it is certain that Captain-General Dulce was power- fully perplexed, not to say terrified, by them, and his tribulations were still accumulating when we took our departure. Since then General Dulce has obtained his recall, and has died. I believe him to have been a very fair-minded and lenient officer, but his administration must have proved anything but pleasant to himself, and appears to have afforded very little satisfaction to anybody else. He thought to govern by reason a people who can ap- preciate nothing but force ; and offended by his lenity a community which sets bulls afire, horns out the insides of horses, and stirs up oxen with a sharp nail. With the further proceedings of the voluntaries and the progress of the revolution since his day my readers are, doubtless, as familiar as I am myself. CHAPTER y. Tells how we plowed the Main from Cuba's tepid Isle to old romantic Spain —Our Joys and Woes in transitu, and Portraits of our Partners thereof, with Notes on Tilings Nautical, Medical, Philological, etc' In the midst of the glory of the voluntaries and the tribidation of Captain-General Dulce we packed our trunks and left. By this time scarcely an American sojourner remained in Havana, and when we bade Don Juan Castaneda good-by it was with an emotion of sorrow for the amiable old landlord, as we thought that the goodly stream from which came so great a part of his nourishment was so completely dried up. We had taken passage in the Spanish mail-steamer «ee "Prince Al- OF A DOCTOR OF rilYSW. 57 fonso," but now " Guipuzcoa," — the metamorphosis of her name being- due to the disrepute into which her name- sake had fallen in consequence of the casting out of his mother the Queen Isabel, — and on board of her we departed on the BOth of January, bound for Cadiz. A departui'e for the old country is an event of great interest to the provincials, and a large concourse of the citizens of Havana, composed mainly of those of low degree, boatmen, wharf-rats, and the like, assembled to give us the benefit of their benediction on our momentous adventure. The ship was surrounded by boats bringing off baggage and passengers, and there was great bustle and animation both inside and outside of the vessel. The friends of the passengers were out in force, many of whom graced the neighboring housetops, whence they waved their handkerchiefs with zeal and vigor; and I was especially struck with one who, his abounding love being too vast to be encompassed in any handkerchief, had provided himself with a sheet or table-cloth, and from his high pinnacle wafted his good wishes after us in volumes. Our company kept their eyes on the shore and reciprocated all these friendly signals heartily, but as for ourselves, having been skinned to the utmost pos- sible limit during our sojourn in the city, we were pretty sure that there was no one present interested in our further welfare, and so we gazed upon the scene with much composure. At length, when the sun was getting ready to set and we feared that in obedience to the regulations of the port we should have to remain inside the harbor all night, the multifarious formalities necessary to make a valid depart- ure from these coasts were finished up and we started. We fired a gun — the Spanish war-vessel b}^ which we passed lowered her flags in honor to us, or because it was sunset and she wanted to get them out of the dew; we screamed and waved adieus to those on shore, and the populace shrieked and heaved them back to us as we moved along. Spanish navigators consider the tender impulses of humanity on these occasions. To an Amer- ican or English captain leave-takings are foolishness, and one of them would have cracked on a full head of steam 6 58 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS and jerked tlie tender ties that bound us to those we were leaving- behind in two with a snap. But the captain of the Guipuzcoa steamed away slowly and gently, so that we enjoyed the luxury of grief with some comfort and satisfaction. Presently we passed through the throat of the harbor by the Morro, which treated us with silent contempt, — the sentinel not even presenting arms, — and then we were out on the great ocean. No man that is not more stolid than a chopping-block can see himself thus cast loose from terra firma without some emotion, and many feel a good deal of it, and they who are blessed with the gifts of rhetoric wax eloquently sentimental under it. I have read some dozens of affect- ingly lugubrious adieus to my native land — most of them inspired by the sinking of the Neversink sand-hills. To the sad souls who penned these farewell tributes, if it be any consolation to them to know it, I can give the as- surance that the same feelings are engendered by the disappearance of the Cuban coast as the bark is bearing the voyager away to Europe — the same in kind, but differing in degree. I was affected as America faded from my view; but I forbear to describe what I felt, because everybody who has a book of trans-Atlantic travel has already read an account of the attending psy- chological phenomena, drawn up by one of the gifted ones just mentioned, and because I was not as much affected as I could have wished, for my sensibility had received its great shock, and been nearly exhausted by it, some time before, at the outer gates of Richmond. It is very comforting to kuow that the reaction from this state of depression is generally very quick, sudden, and complete. The gleam from the lighthouse on the shore, which was still plainly visible when we retired for the night, solaced us with the feeling that we were not yet quite cut off from communion with our fellow-men, but in the morning all signs of land were gone, and it was as if we were alone in the world. The Guipuzcoa was a fine, English-built, iron propeller. She was constructed with the view to carrying the largest possible number of passengers, and hence the state-rooms, so far as snug is synonymous with small and close, were OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 59 of the snuggest description. As a favor, we two had been given one intended to accommodate four persons, with the understanding that in case of a press of pas- sengers we- were to receive two more in it. Had they come we must have died. The ship was officered alto- gether by Spaniards, except that the engineers were Scotchmen — the owners having doubts of the trust- worthiness of their fellow-countrymen in matters of steam A great many attempts, by the way, have been made to inculcate into the minds of Spanish youths a Ivnowledge of the mysteries of this subtle vapor, so as to qualify them to act as engineers. They are painstaking and circumspect while in subordination to their instruct- ors, giving promise of much usefulness in their day and generation, but become tremendously inflated by the dig- nity of their position when put in absolute command of an engine. With the lofty spirit of their nation, they have a contempt for the servile duties of turning gauge- cocks and the like, which they were forced to perform during their novitiate, and in full belief that the engine is overawed by the grandeur of their presence they sit in majestic state before it and let it work on in blind obedience till they are blown up — whereat they are mightily astonished, not at the magnitude of the display, but at the unheard-of effrontery of the thing. The captain of the Guipuzcoa was rather a little man, utterly dried up and weather-beaten, and circled amongst us covered with a navy-cap whose top was voluminous and with all the stiffening gone, and whose leather front exactly coincided with his forehead at every point. This was his sea costume, but he was afterwards pointed out to me in Cadiz arrayed in a stove-pipe hat and a dress- coat, by which he was transmogrified beyond recognition. As our acquaintance with him ripened he developed some strange peculiarities and traits of character. The first mate was no less dried up and weather-beaten than the captain, but was mainly noticeable for the familiarity with English which he professed. I had a conversation with him nearly every day when they were getting ready to take their observation of the sun, but all I was ever able to draw out of him was, "Ain't they pretty?" — GO THE BOOK OF TRAVELS referring: to the girls aboard— and " mus' go git niv sexton. Good-by." On the morning of the first day out, which was the Sabbath, there were dragged forth fi'oni a special closet labeled ''Armeria,'' an altar, some cloths, candlesticks, a crucifix, etc., which being set up and arranged in due form in the saloon, mass was celebrated by the ship's padre. The day was a loveh' one, and it was spent by the passengers on the upper deck, where the\^ sunned and aired themselves with prodigious gusto. In con- formity with a custom of many sapient sea-going folk, most of them had brought their own chairs on board with them, expecting great comfort and advantage from the incumbrance, and they now sat and lolled in supreme bliss; but, as is not uncommon in ocean voyages, the sittings they v\'ere then enjoying were almost the only ones they were able to get out of these appliances till they arrived in Europe, for we soon fell into difficulties which caused the chairs to be stowed away in a sort of caboose among certain parrots who were hung up there in tin cages. These parrots were members of the house- hold of some of our passengers and were going along with the rest of the family to the old country. They spoke Spanish fluenth' and with as much accuracy as even I did myself, and made a great many remarks sug- gested by the novelty of the situation in which they found themselves. In the course of the day we were refreshed by a glimpse of land, being the island of Nassau, and saw an object floating in the distance bear- ing a suspicious resemblance to a raft and giving rise to melancholy surmises. We numbered some seventy or eightv persons, com- prising several ladies and children. During the day, in default of anything better to do, I endeavored to ingra- tiate myself with the parents by teaching two or three babies to say Viva Espana/ — my Cuban experience leading me to believe that it was a bit of erudition not unlikely to stand them in good stead thereafter. While I thus trained their intellects, the colored youth who officiated as nurse to them took like heed to their bodies ; and in order to prepare them for one of the great objects OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 61 of their future career he inured them to tobacco by dis- tending his cheeks with the fumes of cigars of quality more awful than any of our oak-leafs, applying his mouth to theirs, and inflating them with smoke till it was a draw whether they would strangle or burst. Contem- plating his proceedings for a long time, it struck me that he engaged in them with more relish than trainers of youth are wont to have for their labors, and then I be- came ov^erwhelmed with the most serious doubts whether he were actuated by the motives for their physical im- provement I had attributed to him. In fact, I was convinced he was doing it for the fun of it — that he was perpetrating a joke of the kind called practical upon them — a species of amusement which the wise and good of all ages have frowned upon as being one of the most reprehensible in which our poor, fallen race can indulge. Though but remotely pertinent to the matter in hand, I am moved to relate here a matter which may prove of benefit to some of my readers — for I am one of them that love to do good, and do not shirk doing it out of season as well as in. What I am going to tell may be depended upon as being absolutely true in all essential particulars. At one period it befell that a startling mvstery over- shadowed the citizens of the goodly and enlightened town of Lastditch. Divers sober and discreet persons reported that in passing their ways by night they had beheld in the churchyard of St. Sepulchre's a sheeted ghost wandering among the tombs and gibbering on the walls — most awful for to see. These reports worked up the people mightily. All who were constrained to go by St. Sepulchre's did so terror-stricken and sore dismayed, and all who could turn aside therefrom turned far aside. Thus it went on for a space of time — the papers publish- ing authentic narratives of eye-witnesses and the people agape with wonder. One night Josiah Goodaig, a citizen of courage and vigor, either by reason of inadvertence or necessity was wending by the haunted ground. Just as he reached the corner of the wall up rose the spec- trum, all in white, and gibbering before him — most awful for to see. Josiah Goodaig crouched to the earth with 6* G2 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS fear an<] all his courap'e collected in his finger-ends, near which there chanced to be half of a brick; and so, nat- urally, this he clutched, and leapinij: up heaved it with all his might at the S]ioctrum — whereat the spectrum evanished, and Josiah Goodaig fled for life. Now in Lastditch dwelt a roisterly, jovous ^youth, and Emmanuel Funniman was his name. There was also a hospital therein, styled the Hospital of the Assassination. From the case-book of that institution I transcribe the following entry: Name itf Patient, Emmanuel Funniman. Complain t. Side caved in. Exciting Cause. Brickbat. Usurpation of the I Bleeding, ghostly office and cupp g, prerogatives. | leeching, blistering, lancing, padding, splinting, bandaging, purgation, salivation, starvation, etc. (not space enough on the line for all of it). Predifiposiuf] Cause. Treatment. In the course of time Emmanuel was restored to his originally fine physical condition, except that he had a considerable dent in his side and was a litle curved both antero-posteriorly and lateralh^, and regained his roisterly and joyous frame of mind — only he confined the mani- festation of it to verbal expressions, and except at a change of the weather, when he would complain of a sensation of pins and needles in the hollow of the dent and look grum and downcast. He is still frequently to be seen on the streets of Lastditch, and can, if he is so minded, substantiate the facts here related — though, in sooth, he is singularly averse to any mention of the subject. Let a note be made of this case by all concerned. Of a verity it is pregnant with good for somebody. In the night following this lovely Sabbath-day the weather changed. The wind freshened and the sea roughened, and this state of things continued to grow worse for the next three days, when it became downright tempestuous. And now, in the w^ords of an old nautical bard, — . " How stormy the winds did blow, And tlie ragin' seas did flow ! . You'd see the old tars go a-tippin' to the top, And the landsmen a-layin' down below." OF A DOCTOR OF FlIYSIC. 63 Our craft rolled about terribly. It was impossible to move around, except by the performance of a series of difiScult and startling acrobatic feats, while to remain still subjected us to submersion and saturation by the huge waves that ever and anon surged over us. To eat with any satisfaction was out of the question. Plates of garlic soup, decanters of dreadfully mean wine, and pots of scalding hot and highly-colored coffee were con- stantly capsizing into our laps, and our very bread would be snatched out of our mouths. The poor waiters, obliged to balance the store of solid and liquid victual they bore in their hands, were kept posturing equal to any gymnasts. Plates and dishes and cups and saucers perished by the score. On one occasion a car, used to convey these articles from the saloon to the kitchen, loaded to its maximum, broke frouj its moorings and demolished its contents with a crash which for a mo- ment led us to believe that of a surety our hour had come. At every roll of the vessel the children bawled with terror, and their yells mingling with the howling of the tempest and the smash of crockery combined to form a scene of appalling grandeur. During these dreadful days the majorit_y of the passen- gers reposed themselves below in their berths till the ca- tastrophe of the crockery-box scared them up, when they ranged themselves on the seats on the opposite sides of the cabin, where the confronting rows looked at each other ominously as the one see-sawed awa}^ down and the other see-sawed awav up. A few only who were men of proof gathered round the social board, and at times a meal had to be pretermitted altogether on account of the impossibility of making the table stay set. The parrots in their cal)oose grew extremely thoughtful, shook their heads, and said never a word. To augment the horrors of our situation, that direful malady the sea-sickness broke out amongst us, and such was its malignancy that in less than two days it was epidemic, and nearly every soul of us was laid low by it. I myself had some of its premonitory symptoms. My appetite was taken from me, and from time to time it gave fearful admonitions that it was disposed to "go H4 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS back" ou me and deprive me of my former acquisitions; but by judiciously takin,<^ an occasional ounce or so of preventive I was enabled not only to come off with my withers unwrung', but even to triumph superabundantly over the miserable retchers who strewed the ship from stem to stern. Few things afford more heartfelt joy than is experienced by a disinterested spectator as he looks upon a victim of this fell disease in full agony, or as he notes the ghastly subterfuges and evasions by which some strong-minded but weak-stomached sufferer strug- gles to conceal the fact that the enemy's grip is heavy upon his vitals. All this I enjoyed, but somewhat to my discomfort, nevertheless ; for the sounds of their woe ascended continually, disturbing my meditations by day, and, in conjunction with the shaking I got in my berth, effectually breaking up my rest at night ; and, moreover, before the epidemic disappeared, the vessel was in little better plight than a pig- pen ravaged by hog-cholera. For- tunately for our sanitary condition a hogshead or two of water would now and then surge down below, washing us out and saving us from an otherwise inevitable quar- antine, though at the expense of moist beds and of exha- lations whose like have not been smelt since the demoli- tion of the Augean stables. Among our company was the secretary to my lord the Bishop of Cuba — a pale and delicate-looking gentleman with a melancholy shade upon his face and a black skull- cap upon his head, sent out, peradventure, for recreation and relaxation. But, God wot, of recreation gat he manifold little, though of relaxation he was favored with exceeding overmuch abundance. He was one of the ver}^ first as well as the very last victims of the pesti- lence. He could play excellently well both at cards and on the piano, and during the brief spell of fair weather he played in both capacities to the satisfaction of all concerned. But when the wind began to blow and the sea to flow he was played out. He threw up his cards, and he threw up his whole stock of eatables, and, with the co-operation of the garlic soup which was prescribed to him as a stomachic, it really appeared as if he would throw up every movable thing within him. His was OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 65 about the worst case I ever had the pleasure of seeing-, and I confess that I felt some compnssion for him. He hod a tendency towards reaction, and at one time rallied sufficiently even to preach us a sermon and to resume his hand at cards; but he was fearfully prone to relapse, and his last state was apt to be as bad as his first. The tenor of the discourse which he preached, as far as I was able to gather it, was that he who is brought low shall be exalted ; and he was himself a pregnant commentary upon it, for since none of us had been brought lower than he had, so none of us were by any means so com- pletely " gone up." Another conspicuous victim was the youthful colored nurse. Retribution came upon him swift and dire for his horrible inflation of the innocents, for he was among the first and worst who were prostrated by the malady; and it was with such satisfaction as the immaculate ex- perience when justice overtakes the guilty that I belield him on his knees, with the tip of his spinal column and the appurtenances thereunto belonging raised at an angle of forty-five degrees, and his head poked through a hawse-hole, at the point of death. Providence was gra- cious to him, and he rallied enough to tumble down below, where he remained till near the close of the voy- age ; and there, in the course of my wanderings about the ship, I occasionally saw him, in his master's state- room in the midst of the household, — who, sad to say, were but little less afflicted than himself, — sore cast down, with his face in a basin ; and sometimes I passed him tottering and tumbling along, looking like an i^ frican spectre, gaunt and ghastly, and weary of the world. Far be from me the presumption of criticising in a matter whereof I know little, but it appeared to me that the navigation of the ship was conducted without all of the advantages afforded by-the modern improvements in the art. Every clear morning the mariners on the Gui- puzcoa sighted the sun as it rose and marked a line with a lead-pencil on the compass-box ; and sometimes made some sort of devices on their shirt-sleeves. These schemes were intended to circumvent the compass, which — in consequence of the variation (which is great 66 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS in some parts of this course), and because the ship was of iron, and the captain had never allowed himself to be bothered by such nonsense as having his instruments tested and corrected — was disposed to point in any direc- tion that suited its convenieuoe ; but l)y the aid of these marks, in some mysterious manner, they ^\ere enabled to navigate the vessel in full confidence and in bold defiance of the magnetic needle. They were also con- stantly tinkering with their sextants — showing that there was likewise something wrong with this important part of a navigator's armamentarium — screwing and unscrew- ing them, and blowing into them, and shaking them up to make them work. Howbeit, taking such observations as happened to turn up and steering by compass-box and shirt-sleeves, on we went. During the second week the weather improved greatly and we had a much more agreeal)le time than we had been spending hitherto. The invalids came out of their beds, the parrots grew delightfully chatty, and the meals bad something like justice done to them. We had un- fortunately come away from Havana without our cook, who happened to be ashore when we left ; but a deputy was sworn into office in his stead, who discharged the functions of it very acceptably. Breakfast was served at half-past nine o'clock. At this repast we had fish, oranges, kidneys, raisins, beefsteak, bananas, peppermint- drops, sugar-cakes, Catalan wine, tripe, and many other good things — the meal being usually prefaced with garlic soup. At one we had lunch, consisting of lemonade made of rotten oranges, and emulsion of almonds fla- vored with prussic acid. At half-past four came dinner, which was much the same as breakfast, except that boiled and baked were substituted for fried ; and at half-past eight we had tea, coffee, and chocolate, with biscuits made of a porous texture to adapt them for sucking up the fluids. It so chanced that the Lenten season began while we were still in mid-ocean ; but after the effectual cleaning out we had been subjected to b}^ the sea-sickness there was small disposition to its due observance — the coai- pany sheltering themselves behind that merciful dispen- OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 67 sation of the church which grants to the traveler a large discretion in the matter of eating; and this, too, despite the sermon of the secretary of my lord the bishop deliv- ered on Ash-Wednesday, in which he inculcated absti- nence with great earnestness and painted its blessings in glowing colors. He himself, I must state to his credit, followed the precepts he laid down to the letter, observ- ing the appointed fastings with rigor — being much en- couraged in the performance of this pious duty by the circumstance that for his soul he could not keep a mouth- ful of food on his stomach. The day and nearly all the night was passed by the majority of the gentlemen in playing cards, and gen- erally for money. Their cards were of an outlandish pattern, being figured with swords, cups, etc., instead of the devices with which we are beguiled ; and the games they played were great mysteries. One of our particular friends lost some four hundred dollars in gold, and also his senses by being slung backwards off bis chair by a lurch of the vessel while he was intently studying the main chance at three o'clock in the morning. The latter item of his losses he gradully regained, but the former was flown forever. The ladies sat and looked at the gentlemen, jabbered with one another, or twiddled with their thumbs ; and my companion and myself contem- plated all hands and counted off to a nicety on our fingers how many more days there were to be before we would see the blessed land. As few Americans are fools enough to travel by this route we reaped all the benefits which the rarity of the event naturally gave rise to, beings treated with the highest consideration by the officers of the ship and by the passengers. We could not but most favorably con- trast the treatment we receiv.ed from these really cour- teous people with that which a foreigner generally meets with under similar circumstances among Americans or Englishmen. Their intercourse with us was not mere scraps of formal politeness; they evinced an anxiety to oblige us and make us contented. In generous regard for our isolated situation they conversed with us by the hour (in Spanish), and all hands zealously combining to 6S llfE BOOK OF TRAVELS imbue us with the abstrusities of the lan.ffuage, thev patiently caused us to repeat words and phrnses till our ton<;'ues were ready to cleave to the roofs of our mouths and our jaws were fit to drop. While in Cuba 1 had leariied what Spanish was necessary to procure pro- visions. This provisional Spanish was all I knew ; but this I now bawled out liberally at table. My companion relied exclusively upon English in his communications with the Spaniards. He asked for whatever he wanted in that tongue, and if the waiter failed to comprehend him he repeated his demand in tones rising higher and higher till they amounted to a stentorian roar, and either jarred understanding into the cranium of the waiter or else penetrnted into the ears of some distant Anglo- Spaniard, who, for politeness' sake or to keep from being struck deaf by the racket, would act as interpreter. At any rate, he always got what he asked for, and then was wont to laugh derisively at the uselessness of my hardly- acquired scrapings of the pure Castilian. We lightened the time and derived some whiffs of joyance from the observation of such of our companions as presented any salient points ; but, in fact, the}^ were few — the company being made up mostly of plain matter- of-fact people, without distinctive traits of character. It was not uninteresting to behold the bishop's secretary brooding all day long in a corner, from which he never moved except with a galvanic spring to relieve the weight of woe forever pressing upon his stomach. The only other person on board who commanded our special attention was a blustering gentleman of the army, as bold as he was big. He had one of the attributes per- taining to many great men — his appearance showed that he was distinct from the common run of mortals; at the same time he exhibited a characteristic in which great men are apt to be deficient — he was extremely familiar with other people. He was stricken in years, and his hair was oxidized, though at times it had a vivid polish, put upon it either by grease or perspiration, and it was sheared short all over except on the sides of his temples, where large flat tongues of it were plastered hermetically tight against the skin. He shaved now and then, and OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 69 at such times his face looked morbidly clean and pre- sented a most unnatural contrast with the rest of his carcass; but in a day it became as rousch and wiry as a cotton-card. His voice was harsh and blatant, being, in fact, a bray, in which there was less melody than is in the fall of a hodful of brick ; and when it was invig- orated by the huge quaffs of Catalan wine which he boused prodigiously, it suffocated completely every- body else's. He wore a pair of lurid-red breeches, and a blue coat so beslobbered with gold lace that I esteemed him to be some mammoth pillar of the realm till I was assured by one well versed in the military insignia of Spain that his rank was of the lowest. Notwithstanding his ingratiating manners and his endeavors to be sociable and agreeable, the pleasure of his society was not greatly courted ; nor did I perceive that the odor of sanctity was so strong about him that he of all men should have been chosen as a candle-bearer in a certain very solemn re- ligious rite that had to be performed on the voyage, though the padre thought differently. He discharged the duty, however, with wonderfully lofty humility, and looked as saintly a sinner as could have been selected. This buster of a military man, like military men noto- riously are. was a profound admirer of the fair sex — his admiration being like his person, great but clumsy; and his amatory accents were no less grating and thunderous than his ordinary utterances. His attentions were assid- uous and energetic. On one occasion I beheld him en- deavoring to ensconce himself between two ladies, and in order to do it he had to climb over the table. It was perfectly portentous to see the vast expanse of his lurid- red breeches rising gradually in the air, and after rolling around come plumping down between the unfortunate females, cleaving the twain asunder. One of them called him a horrieo so frequently and so emphatically that I was induced to look the word out in the dictionary. It signifies "jackass." By reason of my medical character I had the happiness to get on intimate terms with the ship's padre. But as what I am going to say about him consists mostly of notes intended for the edification of my brethren of the 7 VO THE BOOK OF TRAVELS Faculty of Physic, those of the laity who are uninter- ested or squeamish in our honorable but plain-spoken science are hereby notified, so that they can skip this passage of the narrative. The padre was wretchedly diseased with nothinfi;- at all, — a case sufficiently curious but by no means infrequent, — and it was his habit to consult every physician that came within his power con- cerning his malady. But it seemed that there was an insuperable difficulty in the way of obtaining the benefit of ray valuable counsel, for the only language I dared to trust my lips" to utter besides English was French, and this he did not understand. In this emergency he hit upon the brilliant expedient of addressing me in Latin. Now the only Latin that I claimed to have any proficiency whatever in was the dialect used by doctors in prescribing coloniel, castor oil, salts, etc. — which is of a sort that would cause Cicero to die a-laughing to hear and drive him clean crazy if he tried to comprehend ; and besides, even if I happened to know any of the real Roman words, the padre's pronunciation was so different from that which I had been taught to use that we would still remain unintelligible to one another. But lo, the padre took a pencil and wrote what he wished to say on a piece of paper; and, wonder of wonders! I was actu- ally able to guess what he meant — ay, and I replied in kind, and he was able to guess what 1 meant. It was a delightful discovery. Before this I would cheerfully have sold all my knowledge of the classic language for a sugar sixpence, and now here I was conversing afier the manner of the poets, and orators, and warriors, and the mighty men of the days of old, saying, ''How de do?" "Cool to-day," " B'lieve I'll turn in," and other delectable things in the grand old Roman way — showing- how egregiously 1 had been mistaken when I thought that the best years of my life had been wasted in acquir- ing this most indispensable language. But could I have foreseen what was to befall me I should scarcely have been so jubilant over the revival of learning ; for as soon as the padre found that communi- cation was established between us he spread out his case ah initio ad injinitiim usque ad nauseam, and gave me OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. ^l no rest, but had me talkina^ Latin day and nig'ht; being continually sa^u'gesting doubts for me to resolve and pro- pounding queries for me to answer. And besides, there are doctrines in medicine which, like certain dogmas in religion, are dependent on faith alone for their reception; and these, when laid before him, he provokingly insisted upon understanding; but which neither his theological Latin, nor my medical Latin, nor the classical Latin common to both of us availed to clear up to the extent of one speck — which was not very surprising, however, seeing that the most cogent and copious English cannot do it He professed to be afflicted with some kind of abdominal trouble or other — a sort of intestine insurrec- tion, in which his bowels would rise up and hitch them- selves together, to the great discomposure of his body and disturbance of his peace of mind ; and he showed me the diagnoses and prescriptions of my predecessors, which he had forced them to commit to writing, and which he carefully preserved for his instruction and guidance. However it may be in other matters, in med- icine safety does not abide among a multitude of coun- selors. . As a matter of course, these opinions were terribly discordant, and some of them were rather curi- ous. They perplexed the unfortunate subject of them beyond measure, but to this perplexity it was due, no doubt, that he was spared to consult me ; for, having studied them till he had no idea what ailed him or what to-do for himself, he had not dared to follow any of the directions to their full extent. His last adviser had ordered him when he retired to bed to deposit a bladder full of shot upon his bowels to weight them down, with the assurance that in time their aspiring tendencies would be crushed out of them. Seeing that there was sense and reason in this, the padre had obeyed the injunction faithfully, and lay every night wide awake holding on the bladder to keep it from rolling off" and smashing to flinders, and in a kind of chronic nightmare from the pressure. And now, finding this scheme not as success- ful as he could wish, he sought to obfuscate himself yet further by procuring my advice. The treatment of such cases is usually beset with dif- "72 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS ficultics, but I niarle short work with this one — or, at least, I tried to do so. I told the padre that his bowels niif>;'ht possibly be out of gear, and that if thej were, all his other ailments were due to nothing more than the synipnlhy of other parts with them. "Darn all such sympathy," quoth his reverence in Latin. I prescribed twenty grains of blue mass to begin with. This was a most unfortunate move, for the padre knew nothing in the world about any such substance, and was determined to know everything about it before he trusted any of it in his inside It booted nothing to translate "blue mass" literally into Latin. Raking and scraping among the debris of classic lore with which my mind was incumbered, I got enough of it together to furnish forth an account of the method of manufacture, the uses, and the mode of administration of the remedy. But unluckily, after I had fully described it with infinite labor, all that the padre could be made to understand was that it was a preparation of mercury ; and, far more unluckily, he did not know and would not believe that mercury was given but for one malady in the whole nosology, and rose aghast at the idea that I should sup- pose a man of his kidney to be afflicted with that. For my own sake, therefore, as well as for his, I delved for my trunk in the depths of the ship's hold, and brought therefrom a portion of the drug in question and gave it to him for his examination. Moreover, when by these means he was led to express a partial willingness to believe that it might possibly possess something of virtue, he became tormented with the most agitating apprehension of the eflects of such a dose as twenty grains ; and so I swallowed a plug of it as big as a bullet before his face to demonstrate its innocuousness. By the time we had reached this point in our proceedings the Guipuzcoa had reached Spain. The consultation was obliged to be terminated, and I parted from him leaving him anxiously balancing the pros and cons of blue mass, and bearing with me the melancholy cer- tainty that all I had accomplished for him was only to add one more winding to the pathological labyrinth in which he was already inextricably involved. OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. *\^ If our days were rather tame aboard this vessel, our nights smacked of vivaciousness. As the shades of evening settled down, the cares of the officers seemed to be lifted up, and they came into the saloon and roused the passengers into jollity. The ship was provided with a piano, a little jangled and stridulous from frequent pickling with brine, but capable of furnishing very pass- able notes under gingerly manipulation, and the ladies and gentlemen were accustomed to accompany it with the sweet and tender airs that characterize the Spanish ballad music; and to its lascivious pleasings we were also wont to caper every night, wind and weather permitting. Our captain was the master-spirit of the revels. He was an ancient mariner on whom tar and salt had done their worst, and his custom was to co-operate with the piano on the neck of a massive gourd, which he scraped and beat upon with a stick with the hand of a master. He also was able to scream like a pelican, and had given unto him power to laugh similar and equal to any hyena, which gifts he kindly exercised for the entertainment of the passengers. I' faith, he was a right jocund navi- gator — a passing merrisome person, in sooth. Another trait in his character, most grateful to sea-sick and doubt- ing souls, was that he took in sail when the wind blew; and, moreover, he compassionately allowed the men at the wheel to lighten their toils by the solace of song. Albeit myself the very embodiment of gravity, I was hauled up by this frolicsome old functionary and com- pelled to display my Terpsichorean skill. The dances in vogue were of the Cuban pattern — a sort of solemn wiggle, composed of little pitty-pat steps, hard to do and very inconsequential when done. Forced to participate, I thought it would do no harm to infuse a little anima- tion into the performance, and so I spiced it with a few extracts from the Old Yirginia Breakdown, and fastening a remorseless clutch upon the girls, gave them such a squeezing up and shaking down as made them look wild for an hour afterwards. I have thus described our week-day life on this voyage. On Sundays we had mass in the morning whenever the vessel was sufficiently steady to suffer the padre to per- 1* 74 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS form his genuflections without capsizing. The rest of the day was consecrated to gambling, and at night we had the usual variety of singing and dancing. In this goodly company and amid these diverse scenes we spent sixteen days. Early on the morning of the 12th of February we passed in sight of Santa Maria, the soutliernmost of the Azore Islands — the glimpse of land thus obtained exhilarating all mightily, and inducing the captain that night to dance, sing, scream, laugh, and bang on his gourd with most joyful vehemence. What added to the gratification of this sight was that it showed we were on the right tracli ; and, as the route from St. Mary's to Spain was tolerably short and plain, we were enabled to head in the proper direction and drive on with good assurance of not losing our way. On the 15th, when we came out from dinner, lo, there was land again — like a cloud on the far-off' horizon. I have not language to tell my emotions as I gazed upon it, for that was Europe rising before me, and the consummation of the wish of many and many a year was now at hand. As we neared it, it showed itself to be a bold and striking headland, much resembling a Mississippi River bluff". It was Cape St. Vincent, dear to every English heart as marking the scene of the great naval victory of Jervis and Nelson over the Spaniards in 1797. We ran close in to it and skirted the shore, and that night I sat up late watching the lighthouse on the point and refreshing my soul, so long cribbed and cal)ined, with the delicious hopes of deliverance that the sight inspired. Next morning land had vanished again, but only for a time. Soon the Spanish shores reappeared, and soon we were in a lovely bay, and before us was sweet Cadiz, beautiful and clad in white, reposing on the sea. OF A DOCTOR OF PIIFSTC. ^Q CHAPTER VI. Of our Landing in Europe, and of the beggarly Reception we met with — Of the Fonda de America of Cadiz — Of the City of Cadiz — Of its Cathedral — Of the vState of Politics in Cadiz, and how the Patriots of that City became involved in Difficulties with the Central Govern- ment, and by what Means they gained a happy Issue out of them — • Of the fostering of the Tender Passio.i by the Gaditanos, and of the surpassing Charms of the Cadiz Ladies. All tbe morning there was great commotion on board the Giiipuzcoa, for the trunks were being excavated from the hold and all hands were engaged in devising ways and means of cheating the custom-house. The ship, not being able to get to the wharf, was obliged to anchor in the bay, and the couimotion was intensified a hundred- fold by the arrival of little boats which came off to us in multitudes, waiting for our liberation by the officials to disembark the passengers. When freedom was pro- claimed, the fuss and botheration were distracting. Amid the noise and confusion my friend and I saw our trunks spirited away, and, dashing headlong after them, found ourselves in a boat almost sinking with excess of baggage and people. We clung to it, however, and it conveyed us safely to the shore. This system of debark- ing out in mid-ocean, as it were, and getting to land in a sail-boat at the peril of your life and property, is in vogue in all the Southern European ports, and an abom- inable one it is. An immense gathering of Cadiz loafers and dead-beats was waiting on the landing-place to receive us, and ap- parently the whole guild of beggars had turned out in honor of our advent. These beggars were the most per- sistent and impudent scamps I ever encountered — their manners assimilating them to highway robbers rather than to the "poor but respectable" persons they would fain be thought. They collared us, and pulled and tugged at our garments as if they intended to pull our very pockets out. In the mean time we had to maintain 70 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS a lookout sharper than a serpent's tooth upon the vicis- situdes which our trunks were underg'oing. In such circumstances a man is not apt to feel very charitable. The reverse feeling began to wax hot within us, and finding that our tormentors did not comprehend English well enough to know what "damn," its congeners, aux- iliaries, and augmentatives meant, my friend took his cane and I my old cotton umbrella, and by vigorous flourishes contrived to gain some surcease of their de- monstrations. On the whole, we had a realizing sense of what it is to be a stranger in a strange land devoid of friends or counselors. We knew not what to say — or rather, how to say it — nor what to do. Oar chiefest consolation was that our wives were not with us. My companion had at times mourned that he had not brought his with him, but be was thankful now that he had not ; and as for mine — Heaven be praised ! I never had one, and wouldn't at this juncture have had one at any price, for she would have been fully equivalent to another trunk, and it was more than we could do to take care of the two we had. What would have become of us is a subject of mere conjecture had not an English-jabbering hotel-runner delivered us by seizing and rushing us to the custom-house. The custom-house people were very courteous, and as we had, furthermore, cunningly enlisted their gentle- manly instincts in our behalf by the judicious arrange- ment of our large and not very enticing accumulations of dirty linen, they allowed us to pass out of their for- midable portals undeflowered. The citizens of Cadiz have not yet seen occasion for baggage-wagons, so our runner procured us a couple of porters to carry our trunks; and under his guidance we trudged on to the hotel called Fonda de America, We were welcomed with great cordiality by the proprietor and all his staff, and put in the best rooms in the house. Cadiz is a city of some seventy-two thousand inhabit- ants, situated on a tongue of land jutting into the sea, which almost surrounds it. The neck connecting it with the main-land is very narrow and consequently offers such fiicilities to the Gaditanos for cutting themselves off OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. "77 from the world that they have more than once been tempted to shut themselves in and defy outsiders ; but where the latter have had control of the water the citizens have found that they were in much the predicament of a rat in a trap beleaguered by his enemies. It is strongly fortified, being inclosed by a granite rampart, which in parts is very wide, forming an admirable promenade, from which there is a lovely view of the harI)or with its shipping, and to seaward an impressive one for such as love to solemnize their thoughts by contemplating the great ocean. In its general appearance it resembles Havana, having the same narrow streets, which possess the Bostonian proclivity for all at once splitting in two and coming to an untimely end. By reason of their con- tracted character these streets enjoy the execrable power of concentrating sounds and making them cavernous and sepulchral in their resonance ; and they are made per- fectly hideous by the howls of the peripatetic purveyors of fish, eggs, and charcoal. I never will believe that mortal man elsewhere ever was cursed with such out- rageous, diabolical, ear-splitting, gall-bursting vocal organs as these perambulators glory in exercising; in comparison, the bellowing of bulls, the braying of asses, the filing of saws, are attuned to heavenly harmonies. Tiie buildings are mostly tall and white, with the lower windows grated and the upper ones balconied. The town is one of the cleanest I ever saw, and there is a neatness of look about it quite attractive. Still there is a certain gloominess pervading it, arising from a feeling of con- striction and confinement which the narrowness of its thoroughfares renders very perceptible to a person accus- tomed to wide ones. The people are of solemn mien and wonderfully addicted to the wearing of cloaks, and the favorite color of their umbrellas is red. What they do for a livelihood I was not able to ascertain. There was no'indication that they do anything. It may not be altogether irrational to surmise, inasmuch as the church- bells were on the ring almost incessantly during our stay among them, that " prayer's all their business, all their pleasure praise." The most flourishing craft decidedly was priestcraft. I encountered members of this fraternity 78 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS everywhere, from rosy morn till some time after dewy eve, whipping along in their distinctive toggery of black robe cut free and easy, and a hat which it is a detraction from the personal appearance of a useful though perhaps not over-comely piece of hardware to call "shovel." Some of their reverences who were young, had their clothes new, and wore them with as much style as their impracticable fashion permitted ; many of the elderly brethren, however, were careless of dress, and their robes looked frowzy and their hats looked seedy. Our hotel, the Fonda de America, derived its name from the fact that its system of management was not Spanish but French. It was a small establishment, but a good one ; in fact, in the matter of its table it pleased me better than any I stopped at in Europe. For its size it was somewhat expensive to keep, for in addition to the other outlays the landlord had to pay four dollars a day house-rent and six hundred dollars a year taxes; and, as it was rather indifferently patronized, 1 judge it was not very remunerative. On some days we were the only lodgers, and at these times we lost our appetites with apprehension of the probable amount of our bills. In this hotel they spoke every language under heaven — after a fashion ; and to conform with them we did the same — after a fashion. To accommodate the division of political sentiment rife in the community there, were two dining-rooms — one, the larger and better, furnished with a number of little tables, for the republican eaters, and another, with a single long table, for the monarchists, — it being thought injudicious to hazard a promiscuous gath- ering where cutlery abounded. This long table I noted particularly and found it forever on the set, with vases of flowers and pyramids of oranges and plates of fruit and nuts invitingly displayed, but never saw a guest at any time partaking of its bounty; whence I drew the inference that the monarchical faction had either died or been killed out, or that they were accustomed to feed under cover of the night from dread of the righteous indignation of the republican party. The proprietor of the Fonda de America spent the most of his time in figuring at his accounts in the en- OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 79 deavov to strike something like a balance between his income and his outgo; in the intervals of respite from this, assisted by his staff", he stood on the brink of a chasm in the floor of the office and peered fixedly into a vast cistern made in the cellar to hold drinking-water, and with which cistern there was something or other wrong. All the attaches of the hotel were singularly courteous and polite, and the chambermaid captivatingly so. I used to pass her every morning while she was washing off the steps, and nothing could exceed the grace with which she would jump up from her knees, wave her scouring-rag, and greet me. She would almost shake to pieces in deprecation when we sought to spare her any little service that it was her province to perform, and it was charming to witness the energy with which she projected her forefingers at us when seeking to con- vey an idea into our uncomprehending minds — a not uncommon trick with Spaniards under like circumstances, who think, doubtless, that in this way they can job their meaning into a man's skull like so much putty into an auger-hole. I was so affected by her manner that I put myself to learning two or three of the most ex- pressive forms of salutation in order to reciprocate her politeness. Notwithstanding all I have said in commendation of the Fonda de America, there were numerous objections to it — so numerous, indeed, as to be beyond enumeration ; they were its fleas. Looking back by the light of ex- perience I find that when we set foot in Cadiz we had entered the borders of the fatherland of fleas, and never got out of it till we reached Marseilles. At first they were more merciful to me than I had any right to expect, while the3^ were unrelenting towards my companion. In time we were treated with a just impartiality, but at the last our relative inflictions were reversed — he was let off with the abstraction of a few mouthfuls while I was de- voured alive. Those domiciled in this fonda I esteem to be the finest in all Andalusia, and so potent were they that for a time they enabled my companion to dispense with the counter-irritant lotions with which he was wont to anoint himself 80 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS Cadiz possesses l)ut few sights. The principal one is the Cathedral. Though I afterwards saw others more magnificent than this and many persons consider it rather an indifferent edifice, yet, as it was the first Euro- pean cathedral I visited, it made a pleasing impression upon me, which I still retain. There is the solemnizing effect about it which is inseparable from the massive pillar and lofty arch which enter into its architecture. It is adorned by a few pictures, which are not thought a great deal of by connoisseurs, and it has several chapels, not very richly furnished ; but there are numbers of wooden saints and apostles which enlist attention by the skillful- ness and elaborateness of the carving. Here, in the choir, as in other cathedrals, the holy brotherhood are wont to assemble at stated hours every day and chant praises, prayers, and thanksgivings, in which they are aided and abetted by a band of little boys in girls' clothes of a red or black frock and white josey ; and it is not an altogether ungrateful discord to hear the roars and grunts of the old folks mingling with the bleats and blares of child- hood. These ministering children, I fear me, are not as reverent nor as free from hankering after the beggarly elements of the world as beseems their function. One big child, about eighteen years old, dogged me all over the church with piteous entreaties for a cuarto (half a cent); and a small one, who with the quickness of youth had assimilated some English words, bade me " Goo' morndin," and in ihe very act of paying his adorations to the high altar solicited my pecuniary commiseration of his necessities. The beggars, whom we encountered en masse when we landed, 1 afterwards continually met in detail when- ever and wherever I walked. Whether the Father of Deceit had blinded them with that most preposterous of all delusions, that I was a foreigner of opulence, or whether they were attracted by that beaming benevo- lence that bristles all over me, I do not know ; but as soon as I stepped out of m\'' hotel they began to gather about me, and when I returned it was generally with a full retinue. It would have been a sight of unquencha- ble delectation to my friends could they have seen me OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 81 sauntering along the streets of Cadiz with my pipe in my mouth, and adorned with all that dignity and decorum which I so well know how to assume, enveloped with ragamuffins of all sizes, sexes, and sorts, smiling upon them, laughing with them, and treating them with the utmost urbanity and good-feeling, and never giving them a cent. We were hardly settled in the town before we were pushed into the current of the local politics. The hotel- runner, who was a Russian filled with love of liberty and panting for the elective franchise, instructed us and fired our hearts, lie was of the most ardent stripe of politi- cians, having already shut the mouths of two of his oppo- nents, the monarchists, with an ounce of lead apiece, and longed and prayed for an opportunity to repeat the operation on others. He vibrated several times during our stay back and forth from despair to ecstasy as the prospect for an internecine war in the streets brightened and waned. Cadiz, and indeed all Andalusia, was over- whelmingly and vehemently republican, and discreet monarchists compelled to tarry within its borders set their houses in order, knowing perfectly well what a day might bring forth. As the central government was not unjustly suspected to squint strongly towards the estab- lishment of a monarchy, it and the people of this region regarded each other with mutual distrust; and when, some two months before our arrival, the former in its paternal generosity kindly offered to relieve the latter of the bother of bearing and the trouble of taking care of arms, the latter declined the relief tendered. At this the central government becoming vexed put forth the paternal authority and demanded the arms, and then the patriots of Cadiz, including our Russian, rose up and indignantly refused to surrender them. Implicit confidence was felt in the efficacy of the master- stroke of cutting themselves off from the mainland ; but the government had forestalled this by taking possession of the isthmus and putting a garrison in the town. Be- sides, they sent a fleet to beleaguer it by sea. In the face of established Spanish precedent in dealing with refractory people, the citizens were asked to yield before 8 82 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS being annihilated, and were actually given time to con- sider the matter. All the persons of means and respecta- bility took advantage of the delay to pack up what movables they could and flee inland. The road was filled with men, women, and children, and household gods, in carts, on donkeys, and on foot ; but the true patriots, again including our Russian, undismayed by the pass to which things had come, erected barricades, dodged behind windows, and ascended to the housetops, determined to strike one lick at all events. Mobs of all nations, and even regularly organized bodies of the people of some, are marvelously incredulous of the occurrence of a perfectly patent result till they see it happen. It is this characteristic which has so often led the Poles and Hungarians and Irish, the moment they begin to react from a prostrating blow, to make another eifort, — frittering away what little strength they have regained, instead of patiently waiting till they have ac- cumulated enough of it to be available. This incredulous spirit animated the patriots of Cadiz on the occasion in question. They could not realize the certainty that if the affair came to the arbitrament of arms, they would be overwhelmingly defeated and the city battered down, but resolved to try the hazard of the issue with a heroism which would have been near the standard of Greek or Roman praise had an}'' of them owned a cent's worth of the property they magnanimously proposed to stake. We must not withhold from them the merit of personal bravery, for they were fully determined to stand the first volley, and then do as the gallant irregulars have ever done — run away, or perish in the attempt. Indeed, the fervor of some of them led to a preliminary skirmish with a body of the government troops, and I saw two or three houses smartly spluttered with bullet marks, which testi- fied to a vigorous fusillade against the upper windows. While affairs were rapidly approaching a crisis, the apartments of the American consul were being crammed Mnth persons seeking the protection of the American flag, • — which, rebel though some folks think me, I don't mind owning it gives me some pleasure to know is regarded as a potent talisman in other countries besides the United OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSW. 83 States, — and that fanctionary began to find himself smothering' under the pressure of the supplicants. Con- siderations of personal salvation, if nothing else, made it imperative upon him to attempt some solution of the question. Laying hold of his banner he lifted it on high, and boldly marched to the barricades of the patriots. He and his gridiron were receiv^ed with tremendous cheers of welcome, and being courteously pulled over to the inside of the works he was at once granted an audience with the leaders. In the conference he proposed as a basis of settlement, that instead of surrendering their arms to the government as was demanded, which was an ignominy they could not be expected to submit to, they should surrender them to him, and he would deliver them to the government himself. This singularly ingenious compro- mise, alike honorable to both parties, was immediately accepted, — but with the distinct understanding that it was not done from any fear of the accidental effusion of blood, nor to avoid the useless destruction of other people's property, but entirely out of regard and affection for their revered exemplar, the great Republic of the West. In obedience to this arrangement the arms were given to our consul, he gave them to the government, and they took excellent care of them ; and thus peace was re-estab- lished in Cadiz. It appears from the records that the people of Cadiz have always been of an amatory cast. Some of the Roman writers mention this trait ; and Byron, an admir- able authority on the subject, dwells upon it. Prom my own observations, I am constrained to think that the characteristic still applies. " The dark-eyed Girl of Cadiz " who tickled his lordship so hugely when he was in these parts, has left behind her a progeny worthy of their captivating predecessor. I am notoriously cool and cautious in these matters, and hence my assertion ought to have no common weight when I affirm that the ladies of this town are not bad-looking. They know it, too, as appears by the fact that they have an inordinate propen- sity for prowling around and showing themselves. In Andalusia almost every young woman is handsome ; not like it is in other countries, here beauty is the rule, plain- 84 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS ness the rare exception. Their complexion is olive, not dark enoug'h to bide but sufficiently to temper most delectably the ruddy tinge that mantles in their cheeks. Their hair is black and glossy and their eyes black and sparkling. They are short in stature and of a most agreeable dumpiness of form, being an exact and com- fortable armful. In movement they are distractingly graceful. Above all, they have no false modesty, nor any cumbersome amount of the true, so that an admiring soul can gaze upon them without that chilling f(^ar of big brothers which so cripples the affections in this land of ours. But, unfortunately, lovely as they are, they are sadly ignorant, not knowing the simplest rudiments of English grammar — a deplorable circumstance, grievously diminishing the pleasure they were otherwise so well fitted to bestow. What I say of the charms of the Spanish ladies applies to them only while they are young; when they become old, the contrast is heart-rending. There is then a perfect smash of their good points, and Father Time, not satis- fied with flindering their features, erects upon the ruins a structure the direct opposite of what shone there so gloriou.sly in their youth. Nowhere have I ever seen young women so bewitching; nowhere old ones so — so — well, retaining so much of the witch still. I was very forcibly struck with the rare courtesy dis- played by the ladies of Cadiz towards strangers — in evidence of which I must relate a little incident. While taking my usual saunter one morning, I suddenly heard a female voice exclaiming, in gentle tones, " Oh, monsieur, monsieur, monsieur; come in, come in, come in ; come in, monsieur, come in." Now I am none of your conceited young men, quick to infer that every woman's speech con- cerns me ; and having always been treated with marked contempt by the sex am slow tomake apersonal application of any benevolent expression they may let fall ; wherefore I went steadily on. The invitation had been given in very fair English and now it was repeated in French, and this time in a manner which admitted of no doubt that it was intended for me. Turning my head and looking up I beheld two lovely ladies at a window, who having at OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 85 length attracted mj attention, expressed both by words and actions the most hospitable feelings towards me. The sincerity of their desire to welcome me under their roof was beyond all cavil, and it was impossible for me not to be moved by this unwonted mark of esteem. Un- fortunately, I chanced to be smoking, and being a person of the most rigid notions of decorum, the bare idea of taking a pipe into the presence of ladies shocked me to the heart — at the same time my regard for good tobacco is not an iota less strong than for etiquette. Under the circumstances, therefore, I felt constrained to decline with many apologies this flattering invitation ; but to show my sense of their very great civility, I informed them that I would do myself the honor of calling that evening, and so with mutual benedictions we separated. Most unluckily, that very afternoon we departed from Cadiz, and my promise had to go unfulfilled. Of course I cannot fairly claim that all the ladies of this city manifest this courteousness in quite as active and outspoken a form as these did. It is possible that these were made exception- ally hospitable by propinquity to the Cathedral, for their habitation was almost under the eaves of the sacred edifice, and by the great advantages they enjoyed for communion with the holy brotherhood officiating there. In respect of the fitness of Cadiz as a winter residence for invalids, I should judge that its completely exposed situation would make it unsuitable. According to that delusive criterion the " mean temperature " it is superior to any place on the European shore of the Mediterranean ; but there is full sweep for every wind that chooses to blow upon it, and hence it is subject to sudden vicissitudes of weather, which is one of the worst characteristics that can afiiict a climate. Rains, too, are frequent, though they are usually not heavy nor prolonged. We were there during the last two weeks of February, exclusive of four days in Seville. For the first week the weather was variable, with two or three days, not consecutive, very fine ; while the intervening ones were cool, and at times cold, with occasional rain. For the last week the weather was uniformly pleasant. Although I cannot recommend Cadiz to the invalid aa a permanent stopping-place, a 8* 86 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS visit to it could do him no harm, but, on the contrary, would most probably prove to be both agreeable and beneficial — and, indeed, in my opinion, when the circum- stances of his case will permit it, he will find a brief stay in several places to be more advantageous than a length- ened sojourn in any one of them. CHAPTER YII. Containing some Account of Railroad Economics in Spain — of the City of Seville, the Character of its Inhabitants and its Commercial Status, Present and Prospective — of the Cathedral, the Alcazar, the House of Pilate, the Paintings, and the Tobacco Factory, and of the ruined City of Italica. Although the state of my companion's health inclined him to remain to the southward at this season of the 3^ear, he ye't felt that it would be a sin and a shame to be so near Seville and not go to it. Accordingly, he deter- mined to venture that far north even at the risk of his life. As it was to be merely an excursion, we left our heavy baggage in the care of the Fonda de America and took only our carpet-bags. There were two routes open to us — by steamer or b}^ rail. We preferred the former, wishing to see the river scenery on the Guadalquivir, but being told that nobody but market folks patronized that line, and that the boat had no accommodations for artistic tourists, and was, besides, absolutely dependent on wind and weather, and, moreover, never scrupled to stop any- where for any length of time where there was a chance of turning a penny or so in the retail fish business, we concluded to take the railroad. We purchased our tickets — receiving a brass outlandish coin in change instead of a gold one, which Ave did not detect till we reached Seville, and which the ticket-seller could not identify on presentation when we returned — and got aboard the train. The cars here are fitted up in the fashion of our hacks. OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 87 with linen- covered seats facing one another, slings to hang your arms in, and window-frames that pull up by means of long straps. In these you are securely fastened for weal or for woe till you arrive at a station, when you are temporarily set at liberty; and if you should perchance yearn for a drink of water you can occasionally get it at some of the stopping-places for a cent and a quarter a glass. This system of railroading is general in Europe, — a system which, thanks to our enlightened republican institutions, has never obtained a foothold in our happy land. The locomotives are of the old exploded pattern, resembling a saw-mill on wheels, with a stove- pipe for a smoke-stack, and with the working- gear out of sight, and their whistles are of the most powerful feeble- ness. The conductor traverses a narrow gangway on the outside of the train, poking his head into the windows to collect the tickets, and his manners are fascinatingly polite. With a most graceful bow he takes the tickets, punches a hole through them with extreme obsequious- ness, and tears himself away with " Felicity to you, gentlemen." It is truly delightful to have to commune with so sweet-tempered and pleasant-spoken an official. The first objects that attract the attention outside of Cadiz are numerous pyramids of salt ; for this is a great salt-making region. A few miles farther and we come to San Fernando, whose citizens are furious fliers of kites. The next station is Port St. Mary, a town of some size, whence is procured the water which supplies Cadiz ; but, notwithstanding this fact, the commodity is as dear here as anywhere else, maintaining its maximum price of a cent and a quarter a glass. The only other important place before reaching Seville is Xeres, a large and finely situated town, famous as the depot for sherry wine. Along this route the country appears to be rich and the soil is evidently most fertile. Olive-trees are abundant, and if the Spaniards are indeed lazy agriculturists, as has been charged against them, it is not very perceptible hereabouts, for this region bears unmistakable marks of thrift and good culture. Our observations on these points were mostly made in returning from Seville, for the cars are timed in such a 88 TEE BOOK OF TRAVELS manner as to reach the city late at nig-ht ; so that at this period of the year the view is shut off about the middle of the journey. The railway time-tables of Spain are made not for a period but for all time. The sun, moon, and stars in their rising and setting may vary with the sea- sons, but not so they ; the schedule once arranged it remains thus forever after. The Spaniard of to-day comes and goes at the hours that his father did before him, and whoever procures a Railroad Guide of the pres- ent epoch may bequeath it to his posterity, assured that it will retain its pristine usefulness to the remotest generations. Debarking at Seville, with considerable effort we scraped together sufficient Spanish to get ourselves de- posited in a sort of box and drawn to the Hotel de Londres — a pretty fair inn, where they give you mos- quitoes in place of the fleas that are furnished at Cadiz. Their coffee, however, needed tonics, and we would have liked the establishment better had they changed the table- napkins oftener than Stonewall Jackson did his shirt. Seville is a city of about a hundred and twenty thou- sand inhabitants. It is situated in the midst of a rich and beautiful plain on the banks of the Guadalquivir River — a stream not very large nor overcrowded with shipping. Its history goes far back, and its associations are numer- ous and of the most interesting character. The Phoenician, the Roman, the Goth, and the Moor have combined to make its story. Their impress is on it still, and the observant traveler as he notes the traces they have left behind them is irresistibly led to moralize upon the vicis- situdes it has undergone. As for me, there is no city which has so excited my mind to sober but not unpleasing reflection, and I shall always regard my visit to it as one of the fortunate events of my life. The houses of Seville are in the peculiar massive but ornate style of Spanish architecture, with balconied win- dows or miradors, and are generall}'^ rather handsome. The city possesses an assemblage of winding streets, nearly five hundred in number, which are sufficiently narrow, and laid out after a pattern abstruse enough to mystify a Philadelphia lawyer. Along them patter a multitude of OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 89 female creatures most lovely to behold, who glance at jou to your extreme peril, and sometimes even wink in a manner calculated to deceive the very elect. At night the principal thoroughfares are crowded with pedestrians, who as they go babbling along furnish a very animated picture. Then "young-eyed Lewdness walks her midnight rounds," and at such times in making my solitary prowls., often would my musings on the Phoenicians, Romans, Goths, and Moors, above alluded to, be incontinently dis- solved into a vision of New York. Along these streets patter also, cheek-by-jowl with the ladies, a multitude of jolly little A ndalusian jackasses, which are the medium oft he carrying trade, wheeled conveyances being rare. The owners of these active little fellows load them till they are out of sight, and then jumping on ride all over them, from the tip of their tails to the tip of their noses. The animals are wonderfully obedient and straightforward, pursuing the direct tenor of the way the master sets them, and turning neither to the right nor to the left for any obstructing footman ; so that disastrous collisions with oil and charcoal, and eggs and wine, would be immi- nent but for the admonitory shriek of dismay which the driver wails forth when the quadruped is trying to per- forate a pedestrian. A great deal of business is done in Seville in wine, oil, and oranges; but when I was there times were hard, the people complaining especially of the intolerable advance in liquor, which had gone up no less than one hundred per cent. — being then two cents a drink. It is painfully evident that the sceptre of commercial greatness, which Seville held under the Moorish domination and again just subsequent to the discovery of Ameiica, has fallen from her hands. We met with the sole manufacturer of the only genuine celebrated " J. C." licorice, who dwells here, — a pleasant encounter, for my companion had used much of his product in preparing tobacco, and I had been an enthusiastic sucker of it before " Time reft whate'er my soul enjoy'd, And with the ills of Eld the sweets of Youth alloy'd," — and he told us sadly and bitterly how deploi-ably the 90 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS sales of that standard article had diminished. We would fain have consoled him by accounting for the diminution on the ground that the great progress which chemical science has made in America enables our people to manu- facture the best of licorice out of molasses ; so that it is only the old fogy tobacconists who now use the imported sort. lie had not heard of this scientific fact, and retired from the interview overflowing with admiration of the capacity of our people and in despair at what it boded to the "J. C." As it is with licorice, so it is with other of their productions. They do not advance with the times, and, ignorant how art can be made to supplant nature, they allow other countries to surpass them in their own specialties. It is so with wine, more of which can be made in a New York cellar by our improved appliances in a day than by their tardy and antiquated processes they can get from all their vineyards in a year. Recent results obtained with soap-grease give reason for think- ing that a fatal blow is impending over their oil, and when, at uo distant day, oranges are made by machinery from old rags and decayed vinegar, they will be done for. To see the sights of Seville to advantage it is necessary to have a guide. I attempted to " do" them on my own responsibility, but with bad success. Why or how it is — whether I am to congratulate myself as possessing the most winning of looks, or whether I am to bemoan my- self as presenting the greenest of aspects, — truly I wist not, but certain it is that no sooner did I descend upon Spain than I became the rallying-point for all the vaga- bonds who caught sight of me. I had hardly ventured out of the shadow of the Hotel de Londres before I was clamped by the seediest-looking villain I ever beheld, wlio offered to be my cicerone. The only decent habili- ments he had on were a pair of boots, — one with no bottom and the other with no top, — and for his salvation it was impossible for him to speak a word of English. I have a kind of fellow-feeling for poverty and he intuitively detected it; so he ruthlessly disgraced me with his com- pany in spite of all my feebly forcible hints, till I fortu- nately met with my companion out for an airing, who flatly OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 91 refused to go a step till I had dismissed my "friend," — as I was mightily mortified to hear him termed, It was hard to do this, the most strenuous verbal efforts accom- plishing nothing whatever, and it was only by the tour de force of dodging into breakfast that I effected it. After this we procured a genuine and gentlemanly guide, better looking and better dressed than either of us, and went the rounds. The first place we visited was the Cathedral. Of this far-famed structui'e no adequate conception can be obtained but by the sight of it. It is a vast quadrangular building of massive, elaborate, and diverse architecture, erected on a site where originally stood a temple of Venus. This was transformed into a Christian church and followed by a mosque, which being burned by an invader was suc- ceeded by another mosque ; and this in turn has made way for the present temple — requiring hundreds of years, and labor and money incalculable, to develop it to its present majestic form. The exterior, though not altogether devoid of beauty, is eflective rather from its irregularities of style and the rubs and dints which the hand of time has dealt upon it. Within arises column after column of vast proportions, with broad aisles between, sustaining- lofty arches of noble workmanship ; and the light comes dimly in through stained windows depicting religious subjects — among the finest specimens of painting on glass that have ever been produced. Here are numerous chapels magnificently adorned, and sacred utensils, chal- ices, crosses, and crucifixes, works in gold and silver and precious stones, of incalculable value. One of the chapels is inclosed with a railing of pure silver. There are carvings in wood representing Scripture scenes, so elaborately done that it tires the imagination to conceive the patient labor it must have required to execute them; while all around are paintings which are esteemed as treasures all the world over wherever art is cultivated. And here have mouldered and are mouldering into dust the bodies of men and women mighty and powerful cen- turies ago. In one of the chapels is interred King San Fernando v\'ho wrested this city from the infidels, and there I read in antiquated Latin the panegyrics on the 92 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS tombs of Alfonso the Learned, bis son, and Beatrice his wife, who went the way of all the earth many and many a day Ion,!": le scene of St. Paul's ship- wreck. We were not near enough to obtain a satisfac- tory sight of it; however, I gazed in that direction with all the faith I could rake together, but I was grievously pestered with doubts nevertheless. By tvvelve o'clock we were safely housed in the harbor of Valetta. This harbor is a very fine one, resembling that of Havana, having a narrow entrance, and is rendered impregnable by a series of immense thick stone fortifications. As seen from the water the city presents a very picturesque ap- pearance. The amiable officers of the Syria now bade us a kind adieu, in which our fellow- voyagers joined ; and we embarked in a boat along with our friend who had lost all his baggage and went ashore. On the way we were in- cessantly besieged by certain amphibious youths of Malta who make a liveliiiood by diving after sixpences, which they beguile persons of aquatic tastes into dropping into the water. We landed at the foot of a declivity, where the com- missioner of the Imperial Hotel was lying in ambush, and clamped us on the spot. By his command we ascended a weary flight of stone steps, and then wended our way over sundry precipices till in time we stood be- neath the Imperial dome, where we were greeted with the disheartening intelligence that the house was full. Hard by, however, was the Inglaterra, to which we straightway repaired, and here we procured accommoda- tions. This hostelry is a spacious labyrinth, in which it is not easy for an unskilled person to make much head- way witliout a map. It seems to be well managed, ex- cept that the purveyor appears to be deficient in the cal- cuiative faculty, inasmuch as an awful pause occurred in OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 189 the middle of every meal, arising; from the untimely eon- sumption of all the edibles on the table, and the consequent necessity of waiting for them to be duplicated in the kitchen. We had scarcely taken possession of our apartment before we were waited on by a citizen bearing a chest filled with that species of lace which is manufactured on this island, and which I understand is in high repute with the vainer sex. He was terribly persistent in his efforts to induce us to purchase some of his goods ; and when we represented the malignancy of the custom-house people as an insuperable bar, he grew extremely fertile in ex- pedients for counteracting the machinations of those worthies; but, as we were barbarously ignorant of the value of the commodity, and, of a truth, little anxious for an increase in any such knowledge, all of his eloquence failed to do more than make us yawn abominably. Hav- ing at last persuaded him to depart from us, we put our- selves under the guidance of him of the lost baggage, who took us to a cigar-store kept by an acquaintance of his, where we fell a-smoking and discussed the local news. While refreshing ourselves in this manner in the cigar- store, there came to us, first, a fan-merchant, who bore an armful of his wares, made of paper gaudily painted with Maltese crosses and other cabalistic figures. He was instantly followed by a seller of shawls. Then came maidens bearing bunches of wild, not to say ferocious, flowers ; then dealers in dogs ; and, lo, presently reap- peared our indomitable lace-man, who undespairingly had tracked us up. Pari pasim with him came a mortal rival of his, another lace-man. Interspersed among them was an innumerable company of guides, ravenous to show us the wonders of Valetta In an evil moment we patron- ized the fan-merchant. The encouragement that this cir- cumstance afforded to the rest was tremendous, and the consequent onslaught upon us was terrible. Only by the most unflinching determination did we escape utter ravage. The city of Yaletta is one of the most up-and-down places on record. Its thoroughfares are a series of in- clined planes, diversified with flights of steps, which dis- J7 190 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS concert and balk thick-winded people compIeteh^ It is indispensable that these unfortunates should do their peregrinations on wheels, and for their accommodation there are numerous oddly-contrived vehicles — though it is requisite that he who makes use of them should be a man of nerve ; for, independently of the great risk of being tossed out on the stones by the outrageous jolting, the constantly recurring incitements to run away offered to the animals by the steep descents, and the exceeding imminency of a fatal catastrophe in such an event, cause the passenger to feel pretty sure that he is rushing into eternity. The buihlings resemble those of the Spanish cities, being furnished with balconies to the windows, and appear tall and stately, and withal gloomy by reason of the narrowness of the streets. It is a dingy-looking town, but rendered lively by the crowd of do-nothings prowling about seeking prey, and by the military and their music which is dealt out in a perfect diarrhcea of melody. A distressing dash of melancholy is, however, infused through the air by the ringing of the church-bells, whose awfully lugubrious notes were pealing forth with scarce an intermission day and night, till they almost turned our brains by the heaviness of heart they engen- dered. While poking about the outskirts I stumbled upon a British warrior off duty, and fell into a long conversation with him, — its length being vastly augmented by the cir- cumstance that the English veteran knew not the Eng- lish tongue. From him I gathered an immense fund of information concerning the military features of the island — whereof I understood not ten words ; but presently, upon mentioning St. John's Cathedral, he kindly offered to pilot me thither. The church of St. John is one of the most notable relics of the old Knights of Malta. The British warrior conducted me to it, but I had barely got within its shadow before a legion of guides snatched me away from him. I made what opposition I could, but it was en- tirely futile, for they chaperoned me through it whether or no. I did not profit greatly by their assistance. Their language was almost incomprehensible, and the multi- OF A DOCTOR OF PnvSlC. ]91 plicity of expounders rendered everything obscure by reason of the shedding of overmuch light. Now it was that I had cause to rejoice that I had perfected myself in the knowledge of the Latin by conversation with the padre of the Guipuzcoa, for the fluency thus acquired enabled me to extract much valuable information from the various inscriptions, which I perused with what seemed to me to be a tolerably near approximation to their true intent and meaning; though, really, I would have been pleased to have had a dictionary and grammar with me. In my judgment this church is not the extraor- dinary object that it has been represented to be. It is adorned with the usual variety of sculptures and paint- ings, but it has a faded and neglected look about it, not resembling the mellowing effect of time, which is not prepossessing. It is a charnel-house for the bones of the old kniglits, and the most striking portion of it is the pavement, which is almost made up of sepulchral slabs engraved with obituary notices in their honor. " The knights are dust, And their good swords are rust, Their souls are with the saints, we trust." I was dragged and shoved down by my persecutors into a dungeon below, and made to stare at the tombs of certain illustrious dignitaries of the order, — of whom a circumstantial account was given me in Arabico-Italian, but I will not detain my narrative by repeating it. The Palace of the Grand Master, which is now occu- pied by the governor of the island, contains some speci- mens of armor and tapestry said to be worth seeing; but as all its entrances were vigilantly guarded by the very flower of the guides, and I am a man of peace and no upholsterer, I forbore to make any attempt to penetrate within it. At night I lighted my pipe and strolled forth to con- template the city in its nocturnal aspect. In wandering through one of the streets the sound of boisterous revelry proceeding from a tenement that I passed smote upon my ears. The funereal clangor of the bells, my conflicts with the guides, and the desperate struggles I had been 192 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS compelled to make to preserve myself from the purchase of cats and do^s, had affected my nerves; carkin^ de- spondency was eating me up, and to lighten my weight of woe I bethought me to enter this i)lace of merriment. It was a very unpretentious establishment, patronized almost altogether by soldiers, who were collected there in pretty large force, and seemed to be enjoying them- selves very much. One of the most prominent figures was a personage in a red coat, with his hat off, of great gruniness of visage, who sat on a bench with his arms crossed over his breast, executing a comic song in a dis- tressingly cracked-pot voice, with the precision and fixed- ness of purpose of a leader of the church psalmody. I thought it was one of the worst songs ever composed ; not so the songster, however, who insisted upon its merits being fairly investigated ; for being constantly disturbed by the noise of dancing and talking, he was as constantly breaking off in the middle of a line to exclaim in a tone of highly indignant remonstrance, " 'Ishe, carn't you ? and 'arken to me sing!" Nay, so determined was he that his ode should be rightly appreciated that whenever he reached the end of it he instantaneously began at the beginning again. 1 took a seat on a bench opposite to that occupied by the melodist, and hearkened to his warbling with the most respectful consideration, being, I believe, the only person in the room who had sufficient regard for the claims of etiquette to do so. While thus engaged one of the company, a burly, rough-looking individual, ap- proached me, and remarking that he perceived I was of foreign parts, invited me to partake of a glass of porter. Finding upon minute inquiry that nothing stronger was sold here, I concluded that the place was to all intents and purposes a temperance house, and so very cheerfully partook — knowing full well that I would be sustained therein by a unanimous vote of the Noah's Flood divi- sion. To one who studied human nature in Malta simply from its outcroppings, an invitation of this sort under these circumstances might readily be suspected to be a delusion and a snare. It was not so, however, in this case. My entertainer had not drugged my liquor, he did OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 193 not pick my pocket, nor did he garrote me on the street ; on the contrary, after extending his hospitality, he had little more to do with me, and even excused himself from taking a reciprocal glass. Surely this was a Maltese in whom there was no guile, and I gladly put the incident on record to show that even after a sojourn in Valetta it is not well to absolutely abandon faith in our fellow-man. At the seventh repetition of the song or thereabouts it began to pall somewhat upon me, and thinking I had listened to it sufficiently to satisfy the requirements of politeness, and my melancholy still oppressing me, I con- cluded to rise and endeavor to kick off the incubus, — in other words, I proposed to participate in the dancing. But at this moment the hour struck beyond which it is not lawful for military men to be out of their quarters. In the twinkling of an eye an utter change overspread the scene. The lips of the minstrel became hermetically sealed and the joints of the dancers became stiff, and before I could well realize it I was almost alone. The interest of the place was now gone, and I wandered forth again, continuing till I reached the seashore, where I planted myself in a bastion, and putting my hands in my pockets gazed ruefully upon the waters, attuning my sombre fancies with the solemn dirge sung by the awful image of the vast unknown whose dread bosom pal- pitated before me. When I had sufficiently tasted of the luxury of woe at this spot I turned to go back to the hotel. It was a very dreary, lonely place, such as none but a sentimental person would care to linger at after dark. Immediately upon quitting the bastion I espied a sinister-looking indi- vidual dodging in the shadows, directly in my path. "By'r Lady," said I, "I am surely to be garroted. But," I continued, "thanks to a beneficent Providence, there is nothing to be squeezed out of me but my breath — which is itself no more than a vapor and idle wind. Howbeit, since, methinks, I am endued with some poor skill in surgical anatomy, in such case I shall put it to the proof with this pocket-knife; if, please heaven, its infirmities — seeing that it has lost the spring of its back — do not n* 194 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS enforce it to shut up untimely at the pinch." With these encouraging reflections I marched on. A melancholy man ofttimes becomes unwontedly bold through mere indifl"erence to fate, and I now felt tremen- dously valiant from this cause. Upon coming up to the skulker I stopped promptly and glared at him most un- dauntedly. He at once came to my side, simultaneously bursting into a torrent of Arabico-ltalian, and we went along together — my responses to his observations, what- ever they may have been, being extremely short, sharp, and decisive. Whether his intents were wicked or char- itable I could not accurately ascertain. I acted on the assumption that they were of the former class, and being one of those who deem it wrong to put temptation in a man's way, I gave him none whatever; on the contrary, if he designed to assault me he must have perceived that I rather discouraged the attempt, for I kept him well in the field of vision, and in the most advantageous position for the ready performance of the operation of tracheot- omy till we reached the frequented portion of the city. He continued with me even into the hotel, where he spoke me a speech, which I supposed was a parting benediction, and, receiving it as such, was going to my room, when so violent a paroxysm of words seized him as made the landlord hurry forward to interpret. By this help I made the astounding discovery that he was having the inconceivable effrontery to claim salvage for bringing me back safely to the hotel ! Upon this I had a mind to cut his throat anyhow, but pacified myself by denouncing him as a highway robber and midnight assassin. 1 lay in bed meditating with a thankful heart upon my more or less complete deliverance from the lace-men, the fan-men, the flower-girls, the guides, and the sellers of dogs and cats. Before morning I had reason to be espe- cially grateful for the restraining grace that had enabled me to resist the enticements spread around the latter animals ; for, believe me that however different Maltese cats may be in physical conformation, in manners and customs they are identical with the cats of our own kin- dred and tongue, — as was made clear to me by the evi- OF A DOCTOR OF PHTSIC. 195 dence of apparently no fewer than one thousand of them, who had gathered together on the housetop to make love and war. Rising above the din of battle ever and anon came a soul-withering clang from the church steeples; and thus lulled the livelong night by caterwauling and bell-ringing we sank and rose in rapid alternation to and from repose. The first thing in the morning the enemy renewed their assaults. While making our toilet our original indomitable lace-merchant charged the door, took it by storm, and had effected a lodgment in the chamber before we could take any measures for defense. Close upon his rear followed others, less bold but equally rapacious compatriots of his, bent upon sharing the fruits of his daring. Some terrific skirmishing ensued, and in the end we got them out — maintaining the entirety of our pocket- books ; but it was truly a narrow escape. Such things as these made our sojourn in Yaletta a time of bitterness to us, and for peace' sake we fled to Citta Vecchia, — a little town about six miles distant, — where we hid ourselves from the eyes of men in the catacombs. On returning to the city we hurried to our apartment and locked the door, venturing no more into the streets till we set forth for the steamer en 7'oute for Naples. The climate of Malta is highly commended by sundry authorities for its salubrity. I stayed there too short a time to form any opinion of its quality from personal observation. From my knowledge of Valetta I cannot advise any person short-of-puff to take up his abode there, and gentlemen of a fractious frame of mind had better go somewhere else. 19G THE BOOK OF TRAVELS CHAPTER XV. Of the ominous Bark wherein we set sail for Italy, and of a very dis- tressful Accident that happened to me, and of the unrighteous Accusations made against me therein — Of our Transshipment into another Barl<, and the fresli Tribulations engendered thereby — how we sped triumphantly past Scylla and Charybdis and got safely to Naples — With brief Descriptions of the Places we saw on our Way. The steamer in which we escaped from Malta bore the portentous name of Scylla. She was a little English- built propeller, strong- and well furnished, as English builders generally make their ships, but maltreated, as they are very apt to be when they fall into the hands of Italians. The chief defect in her construction was excess- ive smallness of the staterooms. Ours was situated at the tip-end of the saloon, and was the smallest in the lot ; moreover, its door did not open outwardly, but inwardly, upon the adjoining stateroom, through which it was ne- cessary to pass in making our exits and our entrances, and which was held and possessed by a fat, old, and irascible Englishman. There were a great many passengers on board, which caused us to be uncomfortably crowded, and likewise occasioned a distressing panic to arise at the an- nouncement of every meal, because it must needs be the inevitable lot of some one or more to bide his time for the second table. We started propitiously with a smooth sea, though two or three of our companions contrived to get sea- sick. The company did not fraternize very well. There was a feeling of distrust and animosity amongst us in consequence of being packed too closely together; and accordingly we sat and glowered at one another till it became dark enough to justify us in going to bed, and then retired in high dudgeon and supreme contempt. The wretchedly diminutive size of ni}^ stateroom caused me a great deal of trouble in making my adjustments for the night, for I did not know what to do with my clothes OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. IQt and portable baggage. I arranged things at last, however, by rolling all up in a lump together and sticking it under the pillow, leaving out mv umbrella, which I put to bed bj my side and lay with all night. Soon after depositing myself in my berth, war broke out between me and a nation of hardy and unconquerable fleas, whose homes I had invaded, which was waged with scarce an interval of peace till daybreak. About two o'clock in the morning, just after a terrible struggle, in which I had slain one of the enemy, in looking through the port-hole a most beautiful vision refreshed my eye. It was the city of Syracuse, which we were approaching, basking in the moonbeams. It looked like a gossamer city under the influence of the soft, benignant light, forming a picture of indescribable sweetness. Little did I think while soothing my soul with this delightful scene that our guardian angel, the man at the wheel, was fast asleep. Nevertheless, so it was, and but that the officer of the watch providentially woke up in time to rouse him, some of us would, peradventure, have been rendered rather damp and mouldy, for the harbor of Syracuse is not one readily entered with the eyes shut. Surely this ship was built in the eclipse and rigged with curses dark. In rolling over next morning my orbs beheld a spectacle that made me fairly gasp with dismay. In the wild battlings of the night I had overlaid my umbrella, and, to my inconsolable sorrow, crushed the handle off. Poor, dear, old cotton umbrella ! It had been my companion in all my wanderings — from amongst the barbarians of Minnesota to these amongst whom its use- fulness had been curtailed. Its handle, in the opinion of the most sagacious zoologists who had examined it, was designed to represent a Cynocephalas, or dog's head, and was carved in the simple, massive style peculiar to Egyp- tian art, which chastely indicates rather than clearly bodies forth the ideal of the sculptor. It was unique, — no other dog's head I have ever seen bearing comparison with it, — and was the crowning, and, indeed, the only glory of the umbrella; for the rest of it, both in structure and fabric, was somewhat commonplace, its spine being bent, and its ribs bowed with age and hardship, and its 198 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS integument having the ashy pallor of anaemia. With the loss of the dog's head the implement lost all that redeemed it, and thenceforward became a byword and a reproach among all nations that I aftervA'ards visited. The upgetting of the company in the morning was at- tended with a great commotion, arising from the simul- taneous calls upon the steward for water for ablution, none of this element being to be found in the stateroom tin pitchers. Our fat, old, and irascible neighbor con- tributed abundantly to the clamor. So did I, and opened the door between us to give freer vent to my voice. He was out of bed, and filled the room as he sat on a stool making his toilet, and smoked with hotness engendered by cramped quarters and tight boots. As I opened the inner door the steward opened the outer, which thereby was caused to impress a very palpable pat upon that huge segment of his carcass which protruded over the hinder edge of the stool. Straightway, with vehemence, he turned upon me. " Wot are you a bumpin' of me for ?" says he. "I'm not a bumpin' of 3^ou," says I. "You a/'e," says he ; " carn't I feel ? If you'd a told me you wanted to go through, I'd a got out of your way, sir." " I don't want to go through," says I, " and I haven't bumped you ; it was the steward." "If you've got pa- tience enough to wait one minute," says he, " I'll be dressed and leave, and then you won't have to bump me any more, sir." " I haven't bumped you at all," says I ; "it was the steward, I tell you!" "I have no doubt of it, sir, no doubt of it," says he; " but still I ask you to please not to do it again, anj^how." As it was bootless to argue the point any further, I closed the door and waited for him to finish. In the mean time the steward gave him another pat, which he had the perverse audacity to lay to my charge also ; but this accusation I indignantly refused to repel. On going upon deck, there was Syracuse before me, looking by no means like the fairy city I had seen through the port-hole in the night. I had risen too late to go ashore, for we were already on the point of setting out again, and hence saw no more of the place than was to be seen from the vessel. Thus viewed there was nothing pecul- OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 199 iarly strikinp; about it, but the picture was not an uninter- esting one for all that; for it was backed by the great volcano Etna, whose mighty bulk rose in the distance till its peak became mantled in the clouds, which, as they from time to time were blown aside, revealed it covered with fields of snow and emitting huge whiffs of smoke. I would have been glad to tarry for awhile at Syracuse for Archimedes' sake and for its other asso- ciations, of which it has its share; and this, indeed, is wellnigh all it has to commend it to the traveler, for it is now fallen very low from its old-time pinnacle of opulence and power. Leaving Syracuse, wo sailed along the fertile Sicilian coast, the constant sight of habitations amongst the hills brightening the landscape, and snow-crowned and smoking Etna always in the scene, till mid-day, when we stopped at Catania. This is a town of some seventy-five or eighty thousand inhabitants, situated at the base of the volcano, which towers grandly behind it, and by which it has time and again been treated with great harshness. Besides having been well drenched with the offscourings of the ill-tempered mountain, it has repeatedly been thoroughly shaken up by earthquakes. It is likewise a favorite resting-place for pestilences on their travels. The cholera took off seven thousand of its people at one sweep, — a circumstance which should go far towards weakening the confidence which some entertain in the potency of su]))hur fumigations against this malady. Encompassed thus with manifold and mortal perils, the citizens of Catania have grown to be uncommoidy pious — so I judge from the fact that there are a hundred and eight churches in the city ; and at the same time they have exhibited that admiral)le trait which makes the best of a bad thing by building their houses of the very lava that was intended for their sarcophaguses. From the harbor, which is a very unre- liable one, the city presents a picturescjue appearance, which is enhanced by the numerous church-towers and the long row of arches pertaining to the railroad which they have at last got through to Messina. We remained here four tiresome hours and then went forth again, still sailing close to the pleasant shores of 200 THE'^BOOK OF TRAVELS the island. When night came on, a brilliant mass of lights resting upon the waters to our right indicated the town of Reggio, which sticks out like a corn upon the toe of Italy. We were now in the narrow Strait of Messina which parts the island from the mainland, and at nine o'clock were at Messina itself It required a great deal of patient manipulation to get our craft safely into the harbor, which is a most excellent one and perfectly pro- tected from the fury of the sea, being so secure, in fact, as to be dangerous; for an unwar}' ship may readily run her nose into some of the defenses, especially if entering at night. We, however, had the man at the wheel bawled at till he was wide awake, and then put in direct communication with our commander astraddle of the bow- sprit by means of a line of mariners. There was also a branch line connecting with the engineer. By dint of these measures after alternately going forward a little and backward a little more, we ultimately got into the great basin within, and there dropped anchor. The Scylla had now attained her goal, for she connected with another steamer here which plied to Naples, and to which we were notified that we must transship ourselves. Excepting the microscopic staterooms, the somnolency of the pilot, the struggle for sustenance, the ravening greed of the fleas, the internecine propensities of the passengers, the baseless accusation of bumping, the ruin of my umbrella, and two or three other trivial discomforts, my voyage on the Scylla had been as pleasant as heart could wish, and I was prepared to leave her with the most favorable impressions ; but when I was overhauled and charged by the head-waiter with an attempt to ab- scond without paying for a bottle of their commonest wine, she fell in my opinion mightily. I had risen after having for the second time contributed liberally of my slender substance to the necessities of their fleas, had packed up, and embarked in a boat for the other steamer, when the head-v,'aiter arrested me and preferred his accusation. The thing was preposterous and bore the marks of its enormity upon its face. Had it been a bottle of whisky or brandy involved in the question, I am free to confess that the waiter miffht have had some tolerable OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 201 ground to stand upon, and I should have felt some dis- position to debate the case on its merits ; but to suppose that a man of my feeble constitution would do violence to his nature bj purchasing, still more by paying for such weak, paltry stuff as wine, was so ridiculous that I laughed him to very scorn, and simply bade him, and the boatman simultaneously, to be off. The new steamer was the Milano, yet smaller than the Seylla but more comtnodiously arranged, though by no means exceptionally comfortable. A great influx of fresh passengers occurring, so augmented our numbers as to overstrain the resources of the vessel to such an extent as to throw us into a state of painful uncertainty about obtaining quarters ; for the commander was a man of gallantry, and ordained that the ladies should have their pick and choice of the staterooms before the claims of any gentleman should be considered ; but as through- passengers were next in favor we in the end procured accommodations. Having come to something like a sat- isfactory understanding on this point, I took boat and went ashore to make observation of the city. Messina is beautifully situated at the base of ranges of hills and upon their sides, and is environed with lovely scenery. It is a large city, containing a population of upwards of one hundred thousand. It has broad streets and is well built, its houses being tall and fine looking, and set off with balconied windows. It appears to be a thriving commercial place with an energetic people, whom I was pleased to note, both male and female, briskly pol- ing about town, manfully attending to business in spite of the showers of rain that were falling. The large amount of shipping that flecked the harbor was an addi- tional and unmistakable evidence of its prosperity. Like Catania it has been severely jarred by the earthquakes, and the one of 1783 jarred it near about down, but it has since arisen in full-fledged triumph from the rubbish. My inspection of Messina was a somewhat hurried one, forjiiy acquaintance with the Italian language was not sufficiently thorough to enable me to obtain from the captain of the Milano an exact knowledge of the time 18 202 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS when he purposed to depart, and this day being the critical First of April, 1 was loth to offer hini any temp- tation to perpetrate the capital joke of leaving me adrift on the island of Sicily with no money in my pocket,— wherefore I deemed it judicious to hasten on board again ; by which was occasioned to me the loss of sundry edifying spectacles. Above all, I deplore my inability to have visited the Cathedral, where, as I am assured, are deposited an autograph letter of the Virgin Mary's to the towns-people of Messina inclosing a lock of her hair, an arm originally appertaining to the Apostle Paul, and Mary Magdalen's own proi)er skull, — things full worthy of attentive observation, and which no intelligent traveler would willingly fail to see. On returning aboard I found the ship in great com- motion Another influx of passengers had poured in and a death-struggle was prevailing for quarters. If we had been packed on the Scylla, we were rammed and jammed on the Milano. The ladies, as might have been easily predicted, had exercised to the full the privilege accorded them by the gallant captain of prime choice of staterooms, and every woman had chosen a whole one for herself; in which she was now enacting something akin to the role of the dog in the manger, strenuously declining to share it with any one of her own sex, and proposing no compromise on any one of ours. This state of affairs occasioned such an amount of jawing and capering and fermentation as to cause the intervention of the governing powers, who, under the operation of the martial-law, which is the normal rule on shipboard, shoved the passengers into the state- rooms whether or no till they were filled to overflowing, and then gave the rest of the company unlimited author- ity to bestow themselves upon the tables or wherever they could. About two o'clock in the afternoon, while the crowd was still wriggling and seething like a cupful of fishing- worms, we weighed anchor and struck out for Naples. Jn no great while we had reached the mouth of the Strait, infamous by reason of Scylla and Charybdis, — the former being, or having been, a rock on the Italian side, and the latter a whirlpuol confronting it on that of Sicily. OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 203 As all know, this was a spot of direful terror to the sea- faring men of former days. There are good reasons for the belief that the porten- tous descriptions of the classic writers are not altogether poetical extravagances, and that at one time the passage presented formidable difficulties to the mariner. If so, the scene has, however, greatly changed. The strait cer- tainly looks wide enough for all practical purposes, and there is no extraordinary commotion of the waters. Nothing at all of Scylla in any shape or form did I dis- cover, nobody on board knowing where to look for her, and Charybdis has degenerated into a plain sea-beach, whereon reposes in desolate majesty an assemblage of fishermen's huts. Having steam-power we shot through without swerving one jot or tittle from our course ; but I likewise observed common sail-boats pursuing their way with an equanimity of soul inconsistent with the close proximity of peril. All the classic terrors of the spot are gone. It is stated that its regeneration was effected by the revolutionary energy of the great earthquake of 1783, which tore the whirlpool up by the roots and scat- tered its fragments to the winds and waves. Turning our backs upon the abased and impotent Scylla and Charybdis, we beheld before us as we entered the open sea the lofty peak of Stromboli, famed for being a volcano forever burning, in which glory it is nearly or quite alone. It is an island belonging to the Lipari clus- ter, — a group composed of small dabs of lava and pumice and sand that have at different periods been spit up or vomited out of the bowels of old mother earth, — and shoots up three thousand feet, rising from the waters like some tremendous tapering pillar. It forms an extremely striking object, and we longed greatly to see its fires; but though we were still sufficiently near to it when night came on black enough to set off even a faint light to advantage, its summit was hidden in impenetrable clouds and we saw nothing of this interesting phenomenon. The sea roughened considerably as we got farther out, — ■ a timely and grateful dispensation, whereby my companion and myself and some few other veterans of the deep were mercifully delivered from a pressure upon the dinner-table 204 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS that would otherwise have been overwhelming. As night approached, the wind freshened a great deal, the sea rose still higher, and the weather looked positively ugly. In casting about for some one to commune with, I came across an American who, though resident in England, had kept himself unspotted from its heresies. Worked up by the leaven which operates in every American bosom, we Instantaneously commenced to talk politics. He was the hardest-headed man I ever encountered, and the least amenable to the reception of truth ; for though I never argued clearer or more cogently in my life, it was absolutely impossible to convince him that my views on slavery and secession were right and his wrong. De- spairing of ever opening his eyes to the true light, I gave him over to darkness and turned to a solemn middle-aged English gentleman who, sitting hard by with his chin in his hand, had been contemplating us every now and then with a rebuking scowl upon his countenance. He was a most doleful figure, and the first attempt at conversation showed that his soul was troubled to its depths by appre- hensions of imminent shipwreck. His scowl was the manifestation of his amnzement and indignation that any one should be so thoughtless and foolhardy as to discuss politics in such a crisis as was then upon us. I started various topics, but he invariably and immediately got back to the deadly peril we were in, which he contrived to connect with the theme of discourse with an ingenious appropriateness which was extremely creditable to his constructive faculty. " If the ship founders out here," said he, using good logic, " she will go down; then what will become of us ?" " We shall be drowned," said I, with all the confidence of one who feels that he is assert- ing an assured fact. But he, too, was prejudiced and sterile, and was bettered by this perfectly plain statement of the case no whit more than had been my political an- tagonist under similar circumstances. I then endeavored to comfort him by declaring that there was not the least danger, and that I had myself, in my limited experience, come safely through incomj)arably worse weather than this. But he was non-comfortable. " Yes," returned he, " so have 1 come throu-ih worse ihan this. It was worse OF A DOCTOR OF PIIYSrC. 205 from Dover to Cally — [the Channel is always the crite- rion and exemplar in maritime affairs with your inchoate English traveler] — but that's no reason we shouldn't founder now, A pitcher — [he said "jug," but I translate into our dialect] — a pitcher that goes many times to the well will be broken at last — and the more times it goes the nearer it is to the last one. I believe I have gone once too many." " It may be so, indeed," said I ; "the best way, therefore, will be to go to bed and sleep till the time for action arrives, when you will awake refreshed and strengthened for a good swim. Have you a berth ?" " No, I haven't," said he, sharply, " and I don't want one. I do not propose to sleep to-aight. I wish to meet the event in full possession of my faculties." There was nothing more of consolation and hope that I could think of to offer, and I left him furbishing up his prayers. Meanwhile, those of the passengers who had berths to go to went to them, and the rest coiled themselves away in any place they could find to hold them ; and every- thing being now very dull and gloomy I turned in, too. I rose early next morning, and going upon deck found that we were sailing in the glorious bay of Naples, but whose beauties were sadly obscured by the fog and driz- zle of a wi'etchedly disagreeable day. We could, how- ever, see Vesuvius, by whose base we passed, looming through the mists, his sides dank with vapors and reek- ing with hazy-looking smoke. Proceeding, the city revealed itself, gradualh^ growing more and more distinct and imposing, till presently we were amongst a multitude of vessels packed together in almost solid mass, in whose midst we dropped anchor. Straightway boats came off to the steamer and bore us and our possessions ashore in a quiet and gentlemanly manner quite alien from the style of disembarkation prevailing in these seas. Before quit- ting the Milano I took leave of my foreboding English friend, whom the surety of land had intensely revived in spite of a sleepless night and rainy morning, wishing him prosperous gales across the Channel, whose perils he must needs again encounter before reaching home, — which wish he received very benignantly, especially when, bethink- ing myself, 1 struck out " gales" and inserted " breezes" 18* 206 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS in the aspiration. As for our individual selves, ray com- panion and I on landing were taken in charge by abloaty- coniplexioned, decayed man, smelling furiously of old and defunct drunks, u'ho pronounced himself to be a hotel- commissioner. He escorted us into the custom-house, had us scrutinized, — which was done with a superficiality worthy of all laudation, — and in ten minutes we were made free of Naples CHAPTER XVI. How we had diffipulty in setting up our Staff in Naples, and of the place where it was finally set up — Of Naples in its out-of-door Aspects. Under the superintendence of the man of ancient drunks, we rode through long streets and by many a stately structure till we reached the Hotel d'Angleterre, which was the one we proposed to patronize. That estab- lishment was chock-full. We went to another, and that was full, too. We went to still another, and that was full, too, excepting an apartment in the cockloft, which was offered but declined with thanks, on account of in- sutliciency of wind to climb up to it. We began to get a little troubled in mind at these unexpected difficulties; but next tried the Htitel of America, formerly the Hotel of the Britannic Isles, — the change of name, let me by no means forget to state, being made out of compliment to our own great peojjle — a change which, while it must be excessively humiliating to our old puffed-up enemy, should be to us no less a cause for national exultation. Here they had two vacant rooms, and, as our commis- sioner now dolorously notified us that he was at about th< end of his list, we were constrained to deposit ourselves, under its roof — right under its roof, in fact, for the rooms were in the very uttermost top of the house, forming a very trying abode for my sick companion, who, when up, could never venture down save for the gravest reason, and when down could never go up except as a finality for that OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 207 day's proceed inp:s. The admirable American device of elevators has nut been introduced into European hotels as yet ; nor will any thoughtful man censure tliis back- wardness in the march of improvement when he considers that the charge for apartments falls in proportion as they rise in the air, and how preposterous it would therefore be to offer any facilities or inducement for going aloft. We tugged up to our quarters, whither our baggage followed immediately, — the commissioner lending his valuable co-operation in the transportation. His sides, scorched and corroded by alcohol, palpitated like jelly under the effort, and in his pantings the chamber became surcharged with pestilent vapors from the mouldering relics of innumerable toddies whose spirits had utterly departed. It was with more than usual willingness that we gave him his fee, knowing full well that it would be forthwith applied to the kindling of a new and more fragrant flame. Notwithstanding that national feeling would lead me to extol any establishment bearing the cherished name of America, I do not find myself able to subordinate facts to patriotism sufficiently to tell more than the truth about this one, and therefore I am constrained to say that I have been in better. At the same time it is but fair to add that I suspect there are worse. It is very possible that it may be as good as any in Naples. It is situated on the street, or place, or whatever it is, called the Chia- tamone, and confronts the sea. In point of bulk it is a very grand affair, and its parts are connected together by mysterious and solemn passages, narrow and dubious, and built seemingly in the walls. Its outlook commands an extensive prospect of salt-water and an unexception- able view of a drill-ground, which is right before its front door, where every morning the military taught them- selves to harmonize their movements with cabalistic blasts of the bugle, to the scandal and disgust of peaceable people. Its accommodations and charges do not quad- rate even approximately. The establishment took the entire day to cook its dinner, which was served at half-past six o'clock, and achieved a splendid failure after all. At this meal each dish was set swinging round the circle, 208 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS each guest helping- himself if thereto minded and any- thing was left by the time it got to him, so that there was no absolute need for speech ; but at breakfast, where you ordered what you wished viva voce, that man who spoke nothing but p]nglish was in jeopardy of famine; for albeit this was an American hotel, our tongue was but ill comprehended by its men of function. When fried ham and eggs, or such like matters, were requested of the attendant, his mode was to demand a consultation with his professional brethren, and the staff being got together around us we were subjected to a searching examination, when, by combining their wisdom, they generally man- aged to make out about as accurate a diagnosis of the case as is commonly got at in consultations. In some particulars Naples presents a marked altera- tion from the city as pictured by ancient travelers of ten and twenty years ago. The Lazzaroni, in the description of whom they were wont to grow so fervid, are wellnigh passed away, — having perished either by process of na- tural decay, or by the strangling grip of King Victor Emmanuel. No perfectly well-defined specimen of this once numerous and strongh' characterized class came under my observation. The dirt, too, against which so many and vociferous howls of execration have been sounded, had, when I saw the city, disappeared ; but whether to attribute its absence to the enlightened ad- ministration of the potentate, or to the cleansing properties of the rain which had been washing out the place almost every day for some weeks, is more than I know. Suffice it to say, that when I was there it was not dirty at all. But, notwithstanding these deprivations, there is still enough within it and around it to distinguish it and to embalm it in the memorv of the visitor. Every one who has been to Naples speaks in terms of glowing admiration of its bay, — except certain men of Gotham jealous for the honor of their own bay. Its beauty has become proverbial. Few persons gaze upon the works of nature with more calmness and dignity than I, or are less disposed to form an exaggerated estimate of their charms, but in this instance my sentiments ai'e in consonance with those of the herd. Surely it is a beau- OF A DOCTOR OF PnVSIC. 209 tiful bay. But bow could it be anytbing else wbere tbere is a broad expanse of blue and limpid water, cut off" from tbe sea by picturesque islands, and inclosed by circling- shores moulded by tbe hand of Nature into sunny heig-hts and verdant slopes and embellished by man with all his art ; having a great and magnificent city rising gloriously out of its waves ; while to crown the scene there towers a mighty mountain smoking continually ? The dullest imagination must kindle somewhat at the picture it pre- sents. Not a little of its artificial beauty, it a})pears to me, is derived /rom the peculiar style of architecture of the houses that sprinkle its borders, which harmonizes admirably with the other features. Let the New Yorkers copy this in their villas and they will make a notable stride in their rivalry. Their bay, speaking dispassion- ately and candidly, is not, I think, at this present time quite as good to look at as that of Naples, — but they might make it better than that. They have water in pro- fusion, and they need only a little alteration of contour, the transplanting of an island or two, some shoveling up and shaking down of dirt, a volcano, etc. etc. etc., to enable them to bear away the palm. Naples has nearly five hundred thousand inhabitants, being in point of population much the most important city in Italy. Amongst such a mass of humanity there must needs be a vast amount of stir and bustle, and hence it has an extremely animated appearance, — quite shocking to one who has been taught to mourn over the land as effete and sunk in sloth. In some of the principal streets what with the rush of pedestrians and the whirl of vehi- cles I could easily believe myself to be in Broadway, of which I was continually reminded by the resplendent shops, whose windows were filled with enticing articles set off" with all the inveigling environments in which the cunning Manhattanese are such adepts. To enjoy these goodly sights to which I was irresistibly drawn 1 polished my nose to the slickness of an onion against the glass, counting as dross the reproach of being a man from the country. The number of mathematical and philosophical instruments thus displayed speaks well for the progress of science in these parts, and horology is so far advanced 210 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS that nearly every watchmaker manufactures his own time, keepinG!' a chronometer, jerking it out in presence of the puljlic to show them that his time is of another o^uess sort to that of any of his competitors. Sellers of jimcracks, unmatchable practitioners in the indigenous mystery of improvising, are stationed at the corners, and in your progress you jostle against republicans and sinners, and scribes and pharisees. The sinners are very perti- nacious, having an exceeding sharp eye for a foreigner, whom they fasten upon almost immovably and strive to beguile into devious ways. If current tales say true — . and no doubt they do — these rank amongst the chief of sinners. I was spotted by them instanter, and though it should seem that my appearance ought to have acted as a salutary check upon them — for I will be bound a more demure and virtuous-looking person they never set eyes on in all their experience — still they bedeviled me much. The scribes are an institution of the place. They have not as yet become sufficiently enlightened in this country to tax people for the education of other people's children, and consequently the knowledge of the chirographic art is not as widely disseminated as we find it elsewhere. Hence it is that a goodly part of the population are wont to employ amanuenses in the transaction of business in which writing is required, and the demand for talent of this description has given rise to a distinct profession. The great bulk of its patronage is derived from those afflicted with love, — a propensity to scribbling being one of the pathognomonic signs of this variety of monomania. The scribes 1 encountered were all men of age and dis- creetness, as is fit in those who are to perform functions of delicacy. They received the tender whisperings, mould- ing them into shape and spicing them with tropes, and figures, and sentiments, and then charging an envelope with the mixture, dispatched the amatory bombshell on its destructive mission. The traveler of delicate feeling will be flattered soon after entering Naples by receiving a posy — of no great dimensions, it is true, monochromatic very likely, and inodorous or rankish almost certainly — from the fair hands of a damsel who is one of many who appoint them- OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 211 selves to do this courtesy to strangers ; and if he accept it with a becoming acknowledgment — that is, with a re- ciprocal present of half a franc — he n)ay confidently count upon a continual repetition of this tasteful attention. He will be flattered, — but really with very little reason, for the damsels are by no means fastidious in selecting the beneficiaries of their floral favors. Even I was cliosen, and presented by them with scarce less than a scuttleful of the little bouquets by actual measurement. One of the girls, especially, of about forty or forty-one years of age, not perhaps faultlessly beautiful, — though of her features it were difficult to form a perfectly accurate conception unless she had been first tooled with a scraper, — seemed to be mightily smitten with me; waylaying me every morning and evening, and sticking a posy into my button- hole whether I would or no. Anxious not to introduce any sordid element into our purely sentimental com- munion I forbore to make any pecuniary recognition of her affection, excusing myself with the plea of no small- change and with promises for " to-morrow" — the manana of the Spaniards, in the use of v/hich I had perfected my- self during my residence amongst them. I had every hope in this way of tiding myself safely through and out of the city, — and had done so even to getting into the carriage at the hotel door en ruute for the railroad station, when she overhauled me. She bounced in upon me, jerked that morning's posy out of my button-hole, and both in action and speech proceeded in a way to hurt my feelings greatly. Travelers having any character to lose — 1 had none myself, traveling incognito in Europe — do well to put their feet down firmly at the first onset of the flower- maidens, seeing how hard it is to touch pitch and not be defiled. Naples is one of the musical centres of the earth. Its denizens are gifted with an inimitable aptitude for untan- gling the mightiest mysteries of the gamut, and are capable of mastering any instrument that can be devised. The shops pour forth a flood of melody, and the streets are bathed in it by tuneful choirs perambulating them night and day with guitars and harps and fiddles. The national instrument, which the Italian exiles have made 212 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS so familiar to us, the hand-organ, of course abounds, and, truly, tlu^y are ri<;-ht crafiy in playinp: on it, and nowhere have I heard it made to discourse more bile-stirring notes. The monkey attachment appears to be an innovation upon the original simplicity of the instrument adopted in our country to suit the more material character of American taste, since I do not remember to have ob- served this appendage anywhere in Naples. Invention has not, however, been idle here, and I noticed particularly an improved organ that was much in vogue, — the im- provement consisting of the addition of a pair of wheels, which served as an admirable substitute for the old neck- strap in common use, and vastly lightened the labor of transporting the apparatus from place to place. In its improved form it was operated by two men, one shoving the machine along and the other grinding out the music. One of this class of instruments was rolled up and brought to anchor in front of our hotel regularly every morning, where it remained till breakfast was thoroughly accomplished, banging out its appointed cycle of fanta- sias in one long, unbroken chain of repetitions. Upon our dull ears the harmonies of the organ fall unappreciated, but they readily attune themselves to the cultivated auricular appurtenances of the Neapolitans. When a musician implants his box before the door of a citizen of Naples, he lets liim play on undisquieted till he pla3^s himself out; not seeking to cajole him away, nor to drive him off by revilings, or by setting the dog on him, or by bestowing red-hot cents into his hand ; nor yet bribing him in any manner, as we are wont to do, and thus unwittingly aid in perpetuating the already too abased condition of musical science in our country. I was not prepared for the paucity of beggars I en- countered. From what I had read I expected to find the place made almost impervious b}' them. I saw very few indeed. Whether they had died of starvation, or seen the error of their way and turned rich, or what had become of them, I could not clearly ascertain. I strongly suspect King Victor Emmanuel has had some hand in the matter, for he is a sagacious monarch, skilled in the modes of driving poverty out of sight — w-hich is the OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 213 ipproved plan of dealing" with it when it is impracticable o drive it out of existence. Certain small boys were by far the worst of the importnnates that I fell in with. These sought to awaken my charitable impulses by making themselves extremely agreeable or disagreeable — I could not positively determine which they intended — through the medium of gymnastic exercises performed in my presence and on ray behalf However they meant it, 1 was scandalized bej'ond measure by it ; for what could be more humiliating than for a gentleman dignified and sanctified almost to primness to be preceded in his progress along the public streets by a boy walking on his hands, or, with a ferocious shout whirling over and over before him like a hoop ? This I endured, and with- out chance of remedy ; for all my attempts to kick the persecutor failed completely by reason of his superior agility, — while the failure signally increased the contempt which his proceedings were bringing down upon me from all beholders. But while the beggars have dwindled away, the eccle- siastics hold their own manfully; and this in spite of the fact that Emmanuel, being on bad terms with the Pope, never misses an opportunity of snubbing them. A unique assortment of these personages is to be met with on the street — some with no hats on their heads, some with no hair thereon ; some wearing cowls, and some having hats of commodious crown and far-stretching brim, like those worn in Spain, but unlike those with tlie brim sjjread out and wriggled into a variety of rather dandyish cocks and twists. Some of them look su- premely sleek and gentlemanly, and others, barefooted and abominably dirty, have the mien and port of sacred vagabonds or holy loafers. One of their chief functions appears to be to attend at funerals, upon which their presence with tapers and crucifixes and sacred utensils confers great eclat. An additional solemnity is given to these melancholy celebrations by an array of mourners clothed from head to foot in a sort of meal-bags, with ghastly yellow-bordered apertures near the top for eye- holes — at whose appearance the dumfoundered beholder from a far country knows not whether to laugh or weep. 19 214 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS In this connection I may mention a hideous mode of burial perpetrated upon such defuncts as in their lifetime had not timassed enough of this world's g-ear to forefend it. They have a cen)etery which contains three hundred and sixty-six pits, one for each day in the common year and a su|>ernumerary one for bissextile or leap-year; and one of these ])its is opened every evening, into which that day's swath of the Great Reaper is slung hetero- geneously and then shut in till the recurrence of the anniversary, when it is scraped up and shaken down to make room for the new batch. What with Ku-Klux for the funeral cortege and such sepulture as dog-catchers give to dogs, it is a fearful tiling to die in jS"a()les. To provide against the last-named horror, the inhabitants have hit upon the device of clubbing together in burial societies, each society owning its own tomb, in which every member in good standing who pays his monthly dues regularly is entitled to accommodations. Not only is it very unsatisfactory to the deceased him- self to die in this town, but in certain cases the event is apt to result in considerable bother to his surviving friends. It is a prevalent belief in Naples that consump- tion is an infectious disease, and there are no stancher professors of this faith than the hotel-keepers. If, there- fore, a guest with this malady succumbs to their mephitic vapors, indigestible provender, and Alpine stairways, and dies under their roof, it is in their judgment necessary that his chamber should be torn to pieces, fumigated, and reconstructed — due charge for all which is wont to be incorporated in the bill. Upon this matter dreadful dis- putes have arisen between them and the heirs, adminis- trators, and assigns. It must not be supposed, however, that when the disinfection has been paid for, the landlords invariably act in accordance with their judgment and have it done. The imperfection of human nature forbids us to entertain the supposition, for if their })athological views are sound, the purification of the apartment must unprofitably retard the robbery of the next occupant. My professional brethren of the city, I am pleased to record, do not hold this heretical doctrine concerning consumption, but discourage it — possibly, somewhat to OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 215 their detriment; wherein our most nol)le order contrasts gloriously with our deadly enemies tlie lawyers, who, I am informed, have contrived to segre«);-ate to themselves nearl}^ all the real estate in Naples V)y dint oF the inge- nious incubating and wire-drawing of lawsuits. While there can be no difference of opinion as to the beauty of Naples when seen from a distance, a person of a critical taste might easily discover great blemishes on a nearer inspection. It will strike the ordinary traveler, however, as a very pleasing city. Its houses are gen- erally lofty, which of itself suffices to give them an im- posing appearance, though at the same time it imparts something of gloom to the less animated portions of the town. It is a compactly-built city, not large enough to hold the people that are in it, many of whom, it is said, reside out-of-doors, never sleeping in a room except when in jail. The streets, which are above thirteen hundred in number, are for the most part narrow. Some of them are decidedly zigzag in their course, and when followed up will suddenly split into a bi- or tvifurcation, — a circum- stance which may lead a plain, straightforward newcomer into grievous straits. Some of them, again, are so pre- cipitous as to require steps for their ascent, and some of this class I found to be outrageously delusive, for on mounting them in the laborious prosecution of the re- searches which give such a value to this volume, I occa- sionally found myself brought to a stand-still in somebody's stable-yard or poultry-preserves, and at a great loss how to account for my presence to the inquiring proprietors. On the other hand, however, a few of the streets are very spacious and full of life, as I have described, and that known as the Toledo, which is the principal thoroughfare of the city, for activity and variety of scene will compare well with any street in Europe. For so large a place Naples is very deficient in public squares, there being but one of any consequence. This is the Villa Reale or Royal Gardens, a narrow space stretching along the sea- side for about a mile. It is laid out very neatly into walks, and planted with evergreen trees and shrubbery, and is adorned with a great number of copies of cele- brated pieces of ancient statuary. It has also two little 216 I' HE BOOK OF TRAVELS temples, containing- respectively a bust of Virgil and of Tasso, and now holds on the spot formerly occupied by the Farnese Bull a statue of Vico — a distinguished Nea- politan who, having fractured his skull, was set to think- ing, and became a great philosopher. It is furnished with refreshment-saloons, and in my time its attractions were augmented by the presence of a flock of artificial birds, at which sportsmen were allowed to shoot with a pop- gun at a reasonable price per crack. It is a place high in the regard both of citizens and strangers, for here the indolent can loll refreshed by the sight of pleasant pros- pects, while the stroller finds it one of the most delightful promenades. CHAPTER XVII. Naples within-doors. So far we have confined our observation to the out-of- door aspects of Naples: let us now go within-doors for awhile. And here we are met by the fact that there are no great number of doors whose entrance will repay us for the trouble of going to them, for the objects of in- terest in the city itself are very few, though it must be added that among them are some of the most remarkable in the world. Of the palaces I shall say nothing, having seen nothing but their outsides, — nor of the three hundred and forty churches did I see any that deserve a particular descrip- tion. Closely akin to churches are charitable institutions ; with which, to its honor be it said, Naples is liberally supplied. They might be made to furnish many profita- ble lessons were I at leisure to inculcate them — among the rest to exemplify most lucidly the retroactive bless- ings of almsgiving ; for it is currently reported that their worthy managers have in many instances waxed rich in dispensing their charities. Few of my readers, I believe, are sufficiently philanthropic to tolerate a description of OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 217 these institutions ; nevertheless, nothina: shall induce me to omit the mention of one which surely was founded in the golden age, and whose counterpart I fear we sliall never see in our land till the millennial dawn. It is a hos- pital, surpassingly magnanimous in its scope and objects, where they not merely receive the unfortunate and take care of them, but pa// their dehU in addition 1 Such a fact as this deserves to be widely promulgated among our countrymen, that they may ponder upon it while they are ignorantly proclaiming the fogyism of Europe. Thus it may happen that they may humbly confess their error and — Heaven speed the time ! — may imitate the ex- ample. Of the jails great complaint is made by those who have resided therein. The accommodations are described as very ordinary indeed, and the authorities are denounced for their disregard of the welfare of the body-carcerate, whose numbers, alread}^ very large and rapidly increas- ing, it is contended should entitle them to greater con- sideration. In the days of that old villain King Boml)a and his line, these places became horrible dungeons, where he who dared to breathe a word or a sigh for lib- erty was shut in, and manacled, and watched unceasingly, and prohil)ited from conversation, and denied the conso- lation of books and newspapers (in their case not even a Bible or prayer-book was allowed), and weighed down with all the indignities and cruelties with which tyrants vainly hope to degrade and crush out the champions of the sacred cause of freedom. Fearful and overtrue tales are told of atrocities inflicted on these unfortunate men. Their poor bruised and insulted bodies indeed perished into dust, but their unquenched spirits passed triumphant through the prison walls and moved among the people, doing their holy mission ; and this day the remnant of the race of their tormentors, beaten from their seat, mope like owls in Rome, objects of scorn and abhorrence to every manly soul in Christendom. Few persons who visit Naples fail to go to the theatre of San Carlo to witness the Italian opera. I happen to be one of the few. This is a humiliating confession, and it is manifestly incumbent upon me to state why this was so. 19* 218 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS In the first place, then, I find it insufferably difficult to comprehend a language that I do not understand, and Italian is not one particle more intelligible to me when sung than when said. Secondly, I had no fine clothes of my own to display to the public, while I am apathetic even to downright stolidity to the sight of them on other people. This reason will of itself, doubtless, amply suffice to excuse me ; since these two circumstances are the great, paramount, and controlling motives that determine us Americans in our patronage of the opera in our own country ; but, in addition to this, I was assured by ac- quaintances who did go to San Carlo that they were given entirely too much for the worth of their money ; for the perfoi'mance l^egan a little while after sunset and ended no great while before sunrise, so that they were constrained to lose a vast portion of it — there being no provision for sleeping, and it being considered bad ton to be gaping eight or ten hours on a stretch. But in fact almost the only in-door sights in Naples of real interest are to be found in its Museum, and for these it must be confessed that it stands alone ; for among them are the relics from the dead and buried and exhumed cities of Pompeii and Herculaneum. Besides this dis- tinctive feature, the Museum has a respectable stock of the staple articles of European museums — choice paint- ings, ancient crockery-ware (of which a redundancy is in existence), and antique statues, some of which are seemly and symmetrical in appearance, and others torsos, — as chunks of sculptured rock sans head, sans arms, sans legs, sans everything, are euphemistically designated by the connoisseurs; some of these last being tastefully re- habilitated with the heads and appurtenances formerly belonging to other torsos. Amongst its statuary are two works of especial celebrity — the Farnese Bull and the Farnese Hercules. The former illustrates the mythic story of Pirce and Antiope, vividly showing how Dirce, for beguiling Antiope's husband, got herself tied to the horns of a wild bull, and is an enduring warning to the all-potent sex how they go about fascinating us weaker vessels. Antiope and her whole family are represented participating in the performance — all except Lycus, her OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 219 lord, who, husband and manlike, kept shady, and left poor Dirce to bear the brunt, — and from the figures about the base of the piece it appears that sundry small animals graced the occasion with their presence. The Hercules bodies forth, in massive proportions, that hard-working character resting on his club after a big job, and is an admirable representation of a strongman exhausted with fatigue. His legs are new, his original pair having given out. This Museum possesses the finest collection of bronze statuary and sculpture in existence. A peculiar super- natural air is given to some of the busts and statues of this n)aterial by glass or silver eyes, which contrast awfully with their black visages. It is also rich in mosaics, the floors of several of its apartments being formed of specimens of this kind of work brought hither from houses in Pompeii and Herculaneum. Of course it has a collection of Egyptian curiosities, for this is a sine qua non with all museums. The specimens of glass and crockery-ware include decanters, tumblers, pie-plates, sepulchral urns, etc. etc., and amongst them are a number of those votive figures by which the pious invalids of old were wont to manifest their gratitude for recovery. To this collection one worthy has contributed his photograph in baked mud, which exhibits his countenance liberally sprinkled with grog-blossoms, or some other cutaneous eruption. Here, too, are included several of that skill- fully contrived kind of money-box which allows the money to go in and then holds it irrecoverably, one of them being the property of a penny-wise-aud-pound-foolish man of Pompeii, who, instead of spending his money gener- ously, withdrew it from the channels of trade, and hid it away in this receptacle, at the end losing the use of it forever, and bequeathing to future generations a solemn testimony against laying up treasures in this world. The numismatic collection embraces some forty thousand coins and medals of ancient dates, as well as some of modern periods — and a Peruvian mummy. One department of the Museum is devoted to old in- scriptions. Amidst a great deal of rather recondite mat- ter here spread out something occasionally appears that 220 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS can be grasjjed by the common mind. Thus, there is a most excellent stone almanac, being a square block cal- culated for the meridian of Rome, and giving the names of the months, the numl^er of days therein, the length of the days and nights, the signs of the zodiac and the sun's place therein, tlie tinies for sacrificing to the Pe- nates, and other festivals of the Church, the period for sowiuii" and reaping grain, pulling fodder, and gathering apples, together with other information of transcendent interest to country people, — and, in short, needing only predictions of the weather, days auspicious for venesec- tion and hog-killing, times of meeting of the county courts, and some jokes and receipts for making good cheap pies, to entitle it to rank with the best almanacs of the present era. We also see amongst these inscriptions certain placards of astonishing resemblance to some which we occasionally observe at home ; for they appeal to the people to rally to the polls and avert impending destruction from the country by voting for Servius Tom- nuis, Spurius Diccus, and Gassius Harrius. A couple of the Public Documents of the days of yore are likewise preserved here in the shape of bronze plates recording the enactments confirming tlie right and title of Bacchus and Minerva to certain parts and parcels of the public lands, from the use and benefit whereof the said Bacchus and Minerva had been unlawfully restrained by the within- mentioned parties, against the peace and dignity of the commonwealth. Along with these enactments are others concerning the taking of the census, the distribution of bread, and the making of roads, — these latter, inasmuch as they involve the interests of the government, being published in plain vernacular Latin, while the former, affecting only the rights of private individuals, are very properly set down in abstruse, outlandish Greek. Some of the articles I have mentioned were obtained from Pompeii and Horculaneum, but many of them from other places. There are, however, collections comprising specimens exclusively from the buried cities, and these are the most unique and interesting portions of the Mu- seum, for they enable us almost to participate in the everyday life of twenty centuries ago. It is an impress- OF A DOCTOR OF PHFSfC. 221 ive sight to see these exhumed relics from the grave of a long dead and forgotten city, the meanest of which affords so much for fancy to sport with, and for thought to ponder on. Who can help asking himself where now is the fair being to whom belonged that finger-bone with the golden ring upon it? or forbear to picture in youth and loveliness her whose skeleton arm lies eloquently mute before him, clasped with its silver bracelet? And how fares it with Q. Cranius, baker, who, himself blotted utterly from the earth, has left behind him a loaf of his bread stamped with his name, carbonized to charcoal, it is true, but shapely and symmetrical as on that memor- able day when he turned his back upon his bake-house forever ? And the paint-seller whose stock in trade has been transshipped thither — what of him ? But most rue- ful spectacle of all to me was a pill-tile and spatula, the mortal remains of a brother of mine, who, while busied in the merciful work of pill-making, had to take to his heels, and, it is greatly to be feared, lost all his practice. The objects of this class are numerous, and every one tells us something of old-time modes and customs ; and a great deal of the feeling of wonder that overspreads us as we gaze upon them, I find from careful analysis, is due to the discovery we are thus enabled to make that these ancient people were eating and drinking and sleeping and breathing beings astonishingly like ourselves. Many of the articles are of a kind quick to perish or be injured, as nuts, and fruits, and eggs, yet they are well preserved and very fresh looking, having suffered more during the few years they have been unearthed than in the whole eighteen centuries they lay buried in the ashes of Vesu- vius. Among the curious objects must be mentioned a sun-dial of the rather uncommon shape of a shoulder of bacon, and something which has been surmised to be a lens for reading, — which is important if true, for the modern world has long mourned over the misty state in which the elderly portion of the ancients were condemned to wander for the want of spectacles. Lady visitors to the Museum are generally more struck with the collection of jewels and gems than with anything else, and 1 have seen the sweet creatures moping and mowing over them 222 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS for a lonjr time. The collection embraces ear-rings, finorer- rings, chains, and a variety of such ensnaring gear, be- speaking the sad fact that in every age the female sex is one and immutable. There are several cases containing cameos and intaglios representing various ancient worthies and mythological subjects, and amongst them are some pieces made ready for the engraver, but from which his hand was stayed. Many of these specimens of jewelry are tasteful in design and elegant in execution. In this department is to be seen what some esteem to be the most precious object in the Museum, being a shallow onyx cup eight inches in diameter, which is said to be worth a million dollars. Upon its bottom is depicted a visage surmounted by a crop of hair like a hurrah's nest, which is reputed, and no doubt truly, to be designed for a Medusa's head, while within is sculptured a set of figures the interpretation of whose intent and meaning has bred terrible tornadoes amongst contending anti- quaries. A further inspection of these memorials of the past might well make us pause in our ranting boasts about the inventive genius of our age. It may seem incredible, but the proof is here before us, that, in the lapse of nine- teen hundred years, we have not been able to advance a step in the construction of hammers and nails, or pokers and pickaxes, and other things of prime utility. Here I saw pots and skillets differing scarcely perceptibly from the utensils in use at this very day in the preparation of bacon and greens and corn-bread by the highly enlight- ened people of the State of Virginia. There are very many other articles of household and kitchen furniture on exhibition which are not essentially different from ours. Thimbles, hair-pins, combs, and fish-hooks are shown not to be modern inventions. Cow-bells, it appears, were rung by means of clappers even in those early times. In their day and generation the people of Pompeii were called upon to suffer as we in ours under the dispensation of flutes, and were besides afflicted with a strange kind of clarionet, the touch of which we are mercifully permitted not to know. They had scales and weights resembling those still in use, and they were sagacious enough to OF A DOCTOR OF F BY SIC. 223 adopt our custom of having an inspector of weights and measures, as we learn from one of tlie implements which bears the certificate of that functionary avouching its accuracy. The}' possessed no contemptible knowledge of some departments of physics, being, for example, as conversant with the laws governing the operation of gravity practically as was Sir Isaac Newton theoretically — as witness their loaded dice. Some of their mechan- ical adaptations, however, exhibit unnecessary complexity; thus their stocks — whereby I intend not the attire so de- nominated for the neck, but gear for the legs — was unduly cumbersome, lacking the simplicity which the progress of art in our day has impressed upon the instrument. In- deed, it is possible I shoidd not have divined the purpose of the clumsy piece of ironmongery but for the obliging assistance of a picture-seller at my elbow. But, though unshapely in construction, the apparatus was all that could be desired in the paramount quality of security, as appears froni the four skeletons it had kept clamped for eighteen centuries. Finall}^, in pursuing our investiga- tions, we find that the resources of humanity, whose cul- tivation is so creditable to any people, were not altogether neglected by the Pompeiaus. The kindh^ consolations of surgery were within their reach, and from the array of knives and other invaluable chirurgical appliances that have come down to us, we are warranted in drawing the grati- fying inference that the method of relieving our suffering fellow-creatures by cutting them open and sawing them up was understood and practiced before Christianity had spread its beneficent light over the world. One of the discoveries at Ilerculaneuni, which prom- ised a great deal, has so far turned out to be very barren. In making excavations in the buried city, the workmen opened a room in one of the houses which contained a great number of black dumpy lumps of something that were taken to be pieces of charcoal. The regular manner in which they were laid, however, suggested that they might be something more valuable, and upon examination this was found to be the case. The workmen liad hit upon the study of soiue great Ilerculanean genius, and these black lumps were his books. They were made of 224 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS the leaves of the papyrus and rolled up, as was the style of the period, but had become so glued together by the influences to which they had been subjected as to present almost insuperable obstacles in the way of unrolling them. To accomplish this object various mechanical and chem- ical devices were resorted to unsuccessfully ; but at length a machine was invented which, though slow and imperfect in its operation, does the work passably well. Upon unrolling them they were found to be long sheets of the pajn'rus, varying from eight to sixteen inches in width, written in columns between three and four inches wide, separated by about the distance of an inch, each column containing from twenty to forty lines. The ink with which they were written was of a sort soluble in water, and consequently easily washed away, a circumstance offer- ing one of the chief difficulties in unrolling them by any of the more obvious methods. Between seventeen and eighteen hundred of these papyri have been collected, of wliich some tive hundred have been unrolled and deci- phered. I perused some of them that were spread out for inspection, and was utterly nonplused thereby. They had the appearance of broad, jet-black, quadrangular patches, with ragged borders, and here and there a bit plugged out of the midst. They were in Greek char- acters, capital letters being used exclusively, some of which were more catacornered and m3^stical even than those of the orthodox shape, so as in some instances, in fact, to be unrecognizable ; and the characters were col- located iu a way that was far less satisfactory to the reader than the writer, who wrote straight along, un- hampered by the trammels of punctuation, or breaks be- tween words and sentences, or any other of the conven- tionalities of chirography which so bother and impede modern penmen. In the thorough carbonization of the mass, the letters had become almost indistinguishable from the surface on which they were inscribed, and it was only at particular angles of the light that I could discover them at all. What I gathered in my researches amongst the pap3a'i was, as I have intimated, not much; but there are those with more patience and erudition than I can claim who OF A DOCTOR OF PUTS 10. 225 have devoted their lives and energies to the study of them, and been rewarded with great success. By these mai'tyrs we are told that they are almost altogether upon such themes as dull fools suppose to be hard and crabbed, embracing such perpetual feasts of nectared sweets as prelections on Virtue, and Vice, and Rhetoric, together with antibilious treatises on the divine philoso- phy of Epicurus ; wherefore we are authorized to con- clude that the sage, their possessor, was a philosopher filled with wholesome admonition and wise reproof, an admiral)le companion for young people, and to the general public an excellent substitute for opium. The Pompeians seem to have been not near so culti- vated a people as their companions in disaster, the Her- culaneans, — nothing whatever indicative of a taste for literature having been discovered in their city except a cast in ashes of a scrap of papyrus, and it is a fact of melancholy significance that this is a portion of a law- paper. The bibliophilist will be pleased to visit the National Library, which is in the Museum building. It contains about two hundred thousand printed works and four thousand manuscripts, some of both classes being very rare and valuable. Emblazoned upon the floor will be seen a long and gorgeous line of rams, and bulls, and crabs, and scorpions, and other objects more recondite, which the beholder will gaze at with awe and wonder till he recruits himself with sufficient of his astronomical lore to identify them as the signs of the zodiac. From observation and reflection I infer that this brilliant afl'air is some kind of a sun-dial. The Library likewise possesses an echo of good quality, which the excellent librarian takes the greatest delight in evoking by clapping two big volumes together, for the edification of the visitor. 20 226 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS CHAPTER XVIII. Of sundry noted Places in the Neighborhood of Naples — The Tomb of Virgil— The Lake Agnano— The Grotto of the Dog— The Sulfatara— Monte Nuovo — The (irotto of the Sibyl — The Ijake Avernus, and the Town of Baile coadjutor, and generally at lectures one of them would be ushered into the amphi- theatre and set upon the sacrificial table with a plate of succulent victual before him, v\'hen it would be both interestifig and instructive in the highest degree to see him ravenously take morsel after morsel into his mouth, not one of which for his soul could he get down his throat, till his jaws would be fit to split asunder with the accumulation; and then it would be no less interesting and instructive to hear his long and reiterated howls in bitterness and vexation of spirit at the unaccountable impotency of his efforts. And here, to show how little amenable was my able coadjutor to any charge of inhumanity in his proceedings, I need merely observe that pitying their inability to take sustenance by the natural channel, it was his custom to convert this class of martyrs into the order before mentioned by humanely cutting a hole into their stomachs, through which he nourished them artificially by introducing and raking out food in the manner already alluded to. In spite of my able coadjutor's tenderness towards his subjects, some of them made occasionally but an ill re- quital of it. I have seen dogs, the fearfulness and won- derfulness of whose make he was demonstrating and eulogizing before the class, ungratefully rise up from under the knife and bite him. The coons and 'possums had at various times demeaned themselves so discredit- ably as to breed considerable estrangement between him and them ; and the ill-advised conduct of a certain cat so embittered him that at last he closed the door of the col- lege cellar against the whole race forever. The cat in question my able coadjutor was galvanizing, passing a current of electricity through her from stem to stern, to show, if my memory serves me, that electricity would go from stem to stern of a cat — myself holding her tail to steady her nerves. In the very crisis of the experiment she so far forgot what was expected of her as an exponent 236 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS of science and what was clue to my able coadjutor as an expounder thereof as to pull her tail out of my hands and jump upon the very summit of my able coadjutor's cranium, where she attempted to sustain herself by her claws. As she might have known, had she reflected for a moment, her weight was too great to be supported in this way. When she found herself slipping down, she put forth all her strength to save herself, clawing into every available spot on my able coadjutor's visage and striving desperateh^ to hang on. Under such a strain as this the fragile structure of my able coadjutor's visage gave way at every point, and when, losing hei- last hold, she fell to the floor, she left it a perfect wreck and ruin behind her, completely guttered from top to bottom. It is impossible to describe the tumult this scene occasioned in the amphi- theatre. The disciples rose as one man and pursued the recusant, and, capturing her, held her forcibly to her duty till her breath was galvanized out of her body — my able coadjutor turning the crank of his engine to the very uttermost of his ability. A conclusive proof that my able coadjutor in his career of slaughter was actuated solely by a thirst for wisdom is furnished by the fact that he spared not his own carcass in the search for it. One instance will suffice. At one time, becoming sorely troubled in mind concerning certain points connected with the cutaneous transpiration, or sweat, as it is commonly termed, in order to get light upon the subject, he bedaubed himself from head to foot with water-proof varnish, and sitting down, note-book in hand, proceeded to record the phenomena as they arose. Among the first things he noted was that he was begin- ning to die, and this would also have been the last but that some one, accidentally entering his slaughter-pen, found him stretched. He was in a desperate fix, for the varnish was of the primest quality, made after his own receipt, and stuck closer than a brother; and it was only by the most assiduous scraping, and rasping, and sand- papering that my able coadjutor was saved to publish the invaluable results of this admirable experiment. To crown and set off his humanity, my able coadjutor was distinguished by the possession of the strictest OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 231 probity and honor, never permitting one of his crop of dogs to be diverted from the strictly scientific sphere of his duty. It would at times occur that among the addi- tions we were constantly making to the menagerie in the cellar there would be a dog of birth and breeding — a pointer, perhaps — which some student, with a taste for the sports of the field, would wish to appropriate to him- self by the substitution of another quadruped, as well suited to the purposes of science, but of lower degree. An application of this purport made to my able coadjutor invariably astonished him, such an appropriation of another's property being, as he politely but unequivo- cally remarked, no less than stealing, while his consent to it would be simply a connivance with robbery — a crime from which his feelings instinctively revolted; and then, with singular acuteness of reasoning, would my able coadjutor proceed to show that the taking of a man's dog to be anatomized for the good of all mankind, so far from being censurable, was made, by the end in view, to smack of the highest philanthropy, while to purloin him to hunt with for the individual's mere selfish gratification was reprehensible to the last degree, consti- tuting the purloiner that most despicable of men — a dog-thief. I have been led unconsciously to say far more con- cerning Professor Sequard than I at first intended. Nevertheless, I will let it stand, knowing how highly prized are reminiscences of great men when from unim- peachable sources — and Professor Sequard is truly a great man, standing in the foremost rank of living physi- ologists. Leaving the Grotta del Cane we repaired to Pozzuoli, a small decayed town lying comatose upon the shores of the bay, redeemed somewhat by the possession of the remains of the temple of Jupiter Serapis — a relic which is the pride and joy of the geologists. This being disposed of, the journey was resumed, and presently we reached the foot of a hill, at which the driver commanded us to alight, declaring that he could aid us no further, but that to get at the top we must shift for ourselves. There was a rough and rather long iind wearisome road leading 21 23S THE BOOK OF TRAVELS thither, over which we padded till we came to a gate. Entering this, after satisfying the porter, we found our- selves in a large and irregularly-shaped, flat-bottomed basin, whose sides were formed by a circle of hills. This was the Solfatara. It is the crater of a volcano which, as far as is certainly known, never indulged in but one eruption, and that was between six and seven hun- dred years ago, since which time it has comported itself with deraureness. Its innate fieriness of spirit, however, manifests itself to some extent in one corner, where there is a cavern from which come roaring forth great clouds of steam mingled with sulphuretted hydrogen and other abominable vapors. From this corner are raked masses of sulphur beautifully crystallized. In one part of the crater we were shown a thrilling experiment. It seems clear that the ground here is nothing more than a crust of earth covering an awful chasm below", and there is a man on the premises who makes his living by raising an enormous rock above his head and letting it fall upon the crust, in order to elicit the hollow sound natural under the circumstances for the entertainment of visitors, who remunerate him for tlie Intense gratification such an ex- ploit must needs afford. It is a portentous sound that is thus brought forth, awaking strange feelings in the au- ditor's breast, and causing him to tread with circumspec- tion lest he break through. A tolerably deep hole has been already worn in the ground by this constant pound- ing u[)on it. One of these days, if the man continues at it, he will pound clean through, and the spectacle then will be truly sublime. We paid him half a franc speedily, and being pressed for time left in some haste. Among other things to its discredit, it is believed that this Solfatara is an aider and abettor of Vesuvius, being in communication and sympathy with that truculent old mountain, for it has been noticed that when the latter is from any cause impeded in the discharge of its venom the former falls agrumbling, and the cavern in the corner and sundry smoke-holes scattered about it fume much more vigorously than common. From my inspection of this whole region made on this day's excursion, as well as from my subsequent examina- OF A DOCTOR OF PHY SIC. 239 tion of the Yesuvian district, I am thoroughly convinced that Naples is no place for a man who loves peace and quiet and is conservative in feeling to abide at; and in- asmuch as I forbore to pay ray addresses to any Havana heiress on account of the uncertainty of slave property there, so here I felt constrained to withhold my affections from any landed Neapolitan signorina on account of the ruinous fluctuations to which real estate in this section must be exposed. Our next stage was to the so-called Grotto of the Sibyl, on the way to which we were again ordered to alight by the driver — this time out of his kindly regard for our necks — while making a very precipitous descent by a road on whose smooth stones his horses, after perform- ing prodigies of terpsichorean skill, fell for dead and required the whole party to set them up again. Before reaching this precipice we passed by Monte Nuovo, an- other geological curiosity, being a mountain a mile and a half in circumference and four hundred and forty feet ia height, which was mostly formed in one night. It occu- pies the site of a little town which in those days was a great resort for invalids, who repaired thither for the benefit of its warm springs. During the month of Sep- tember, 1538, all this region was pestered with violent and constantly-recurring earthquakes, which the inhabit- ants bore with the philosophy that is born of familiarity; but on the evening of the 29th the invalids in the town were completely upset by seeing it split in two. From the chasm thus formed there thundered forth for thirty-six hours ashes, pumice-stones, and great blocks of lava, in quantity sufficient to form this mountain. It continued in quiet labor for about a week, with occasional strong throes, at the end of which time it was seized with a paroxysm of puerperal mania and began to throw stones promiscuously about with great fury, knocking several persons in the head who had intrusively come there to see how the thing was done. This was its expiring effort, and it has never rallied since. Propping up our prostrate horses, we were enabled to proceed, and soon arrived at the Grotto of the Sibyl. It derives its appellation from being the reputed residence 240 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS of her of Cumse, who attended the pious ^neas when he adventured down below, — though, in sootli, it is but a plain tunnel through a hill, like the Grotto of Posilipo, made many centuries since tlie days of the Sibyl as a highway to facilitate travel. It is as dark as Egypt and the way is very uneven, so that to penetrate it satisfac- torily it is necessary to have lights and discreetness. Our guide preceded us on foot, bearing the torches, and we followed slowly and cautiously in the carriage. I cannot say that 1 was overmuch charmed by the trip. The tun- uel is a long one, and our way of going through it made it seem ten times longer. It is also very low in places, with a decidedly shaky look about it, and an occasional big chip scraped from the roof by the top of my head descending into my lap evoked some awful doubts. It is said that the Jaws of Hell, Fauces Orci, are somewhere about there, but we did not see them, nor, indeed, any- thing else but a few air-shafts pierced through the incum- bent hill. Such holes as this offer few attractions to a man of my kidney, and it was with pleasure that, after being bounced about in the darkness, besprinkled with dust and dirt, and kept under the shadow of death for the required time, I at last beheld the gate of Hell gleaming before me in the shape of the Lake Avernus. When I was a good little boy at school, poring over the classic poets with the assiduity which betits the stu- dent of such inestimable lore, reading about Avernus, mayhap with a hope, but certainly with no prospect, of one day seeing it, the idea I formed of it was strikingly at variance with the scene which now presented itself. Instead of a lonely, drear, and noisome pool, lightless and lurid among sonil)re forests, 1 beheld a cheerful little sheet of water, wliere merrisome wavelets, flashing in the sunshine, were dancing pleasantly before the unobstructed gaze, while upon its banks common, sociable mortals were at work. It is said to be a mile and a half in circumfer- ence, but it did not appear to be even so large as that to me. The spirit of utilitarianism, which prevailed in the era of Augustus as in our own, has dealt a fatal blow upon this reverend spot; for Agrippa, son-in-law- of the eujperor, and a great advocate of internal improvements OF A DOCTOR OF PUT SIC. 241 of those days, not having tlje fear of the infernal gods before his e^^es, conceived the sordid idea of malving the lake useful instead of terrible by converting it into a sort of naval station. His scheme was to connect Avernus with the neighboring Lucrine Lake, — then a well-to-do and flourishing body of water, high in the public estima- tion for its wealth of oysters, but now a swamp in very moderate circumstances, — and through this with the sea, so that the two lakes might form a secure harbor for the Roman navy. He carried out his plan ruthlessly. He cut canals, occasioning a marked shrinkage of Avernus; chopped down the Cimmerian woods, by which act the venerable miasms were deprived of their time-honored abodes, and ruined the place generally. All of his elab- orate works have since been reduced to chaos by the commotions terminating in the formation of Monte Nuovo, which at the same time threw the greater portion of the Lucrine overboard into the bay of Baife. Any hope of the resuscitation of the poetic glories of Avernus is fu- tile, for the thrice-baleful hand of the modern engineer is even now upon it. However we classicists may mourn over the desecration of the spot, I record as a fact, which must be consolatory to some of my readers, that this re- nowned outlet from the nether regions now possesses the inestimable advantages of railroad communication. The construction of this much-needed improvement evinces the practical spirit of the age, — though, to prevent disap- pointment, it is well for me to add that connection has not yet been completed with the ferry-boat; so that for the present the use of the road is restricted to the trans- portation of stone along the banks. We now drove along the shore of the magnificent bay of Baise, of which Horace declares that no other in the world excels it. In proceeding we saw on the hillsides and occasionally under the water the remains of splendid structures, which formed part of ancient Baiae itself, and presently halted before an antique, cross-roads kind of tavern, which forms modern Baise. What a fall is here 1 Once it was full of people and palaces, for Baise was the great watering-place in the palmier days of the Roman empire, brimming with Avealth and luxury and dissipa- 21* 242 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS tioD, the gigantic antetype of our springs, where the First Families resorted, — the old gentlemen to talk politics, and the young squirts to eat oysters and get drunk, and to which, to quote the mildly-worded statement of the record, the ladies came Penelopes, and from which they departed Helens. According to all accounts, it must have been a dreadful place. It is impossible to imagine any place worse, indeed, as the most charitable constructionist must at once acknowledge when told that a lawyer was actually constrained to apologize to the court for having accepted as a client a man who had been there {vide case of Com- monwealth vs. Marcus Coelins, — Marcus T. Cicero for the defense). It was a favorite place with many of the great men of antiquity. Cicero was overfond of it ; and CiBsar, Pompey, Sylla, Pomitian, and other persons of quality had villas there. So, too, had the exemplary Cato of Utica, who was so virtuous that he could not abide the sight of a man in his shirt-tail ; and the wise and grave Seneca's thunderbolts against it were the re- sult of personal observation, if not of experience. The monster Nero ofttimes hied thither; but the worst man, in my professional opinion, who ever set foot in it was Publius JElius Hadrian, — the "Vital spark of heavenly flame " man, — a Roman emperor, who starved himself to death there, leaving directions for the publication of the unheard-of calumny that the doctors had done it. Of this gay gathering-place almost all that can now be made out are three dilapidated structures, each having had originally a circular chamber and a vaulted roof, in two of which these peculiarities are still well preserved. These structures are called temples and are assigned to Venus, Mercury, and actually to Diana; but there are evidences about them by which they are identified as being in reality connected with baths, probably appurte- nances of the luxurious villas that once stood here. While we were standing in oneof the chambers solemnly ruminating upon its departed glories, suddenly there burst upon us in one terrible irruption all the women in the neighborhood, bearing in their hands lutes and tim- brels, or, as we denominate such instruments in our coun- try, banjoes and tambourines. Instantly, with a great OF A DOCTOR OF FIIYSIC. 243 whoop, they surrounded us and let fly their music, aecom- pan^'ing it with huge squalls of vocal melody and stu- pendous drawings-in and strikings-out by way of dancing, — the racket being intensified a hundredfold by the bel- lowings and rebellowings arising from the catacoustic properties of the hollow roof. We were given to under- stand that they were doing the Tarentella, the national dance, which essays to represent the gyrations of those who have lost their wits by the bite of the tarantula while undergoing medical treatment, music being the approved remedy in such cases for the restoration of their senses ; and truly the performance was just what we might rea- sonably expect from lunatics at a crisis, being executed as they would do the can-can in Bedlam. Knowing that such an exhibition as this could not possibly be afforded gratis, and, not desiring it at any price, we broke through the lines and fled. With an awful crash of lute and tim- brel, the tarentellians made after us, but we escaped, all except our Irish companion, who, being a gentleman of a sedate port and carriage, declined to break into a gallop with the rest of us ; and on looking back we saw him completely environed. But he was stricken in years as well as sedate, and so had come to lose that regard for the sex which is so marked a feature in the character of his countrymen; therefore he simply stuck up his nose at an angle of forty-five with the perpendicular, and recklessly and heedlessly penetrated the cohort of fair mendicants. We retreated into the cross-roads tavern of the place, and proceeded to refresh ourselves. The landlord fur- nished us with a very nice collation. Among the items were the illustrious oysters of these waters These oysters, so bepraised by the sages of antiquity, certainly greatly excel ours in delicacy — of proportions ; being about one-tenth the size of a good fat Virginia oyster. Their shells are thin and smooth with a fine play of rain- bow-hues on the inside, and the meat is decidedly palat able, and, when dressed with vinegar, has an agreeable relish of verdigris. If their present small dimensions and great price be not tlie result of modern degeneracy, it was a serious matter to indulge in an oyster-supper in 244 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS the olden time. We also had excellent Bologna sausage, made, if I apprehend aright, at the Grotta del Cane ; while to wash the solids down we were served with a bottle of wine, — none of your old, stale stuff that has been kept on hand for months or perhaps years, as we some- times find it, but new and fresh from the vine. Its greatest recommendation, however, was that it was the classic Falernian, — so we were positively assured by the landlord, and as none of our party were sufficiently skilled in Falernian to advance an opinion of our own, we of course were not guilty of the presumptuous folly of dis- believing him. It will please my countrymen who delight in the lyrics of Horace to know that they can obtain an e.xact conception of the true Falernian by swigging a can of new cider. When our repast was all eaten up, we went out-of- doors and sat on a log to digest it, where we gave audi- ence to all the boys and girls of Baite, who waited upon us with petitions for small change. While this business was still unfinished, we arose and got us back into our carriage, returning to Naples along the seashore, after having spent a remarkably interesting day. CHABTER XIX. Containing the Ciiaracter of Pliny the Elder, and an Account of the City of Pompeii, Past and Present. About twelve miles from Naples lies the silent and solemn city of Bompeii. It presents one of the most impressive scenes to be witnessed in all the world, in- spiring strange and almost awful emotions in the mind of the traveler wandering among its solitudes. To describe it topographically is sufficiently easy, but to body forth in apt and fitting language the thoughts that the theme suggests is altogetlier impossible. As for me, I shall not even attempt it, but in dealing with the subject confine myself to my usual poor, plain style, eschewing erudition OF A DOCTOR OF FIITSIC. 245 and sentimentality, and sticliing to simple matter of fact as much as In me lies. Pompeii was overwhelmed on j4ugust 24, a.d. 'TS, by showers of ashes accompanying an eruption of Mount Vesuvius, which occurred at that time. Sixteen years before it came near going down under the operation of an earthquake which engulfed six hundred sheep and ran several citizens crazy, — as Seneca circumstantially records. The eruption which finally destroyed it is mi- nutely described by Pliny the Younger, who saw it. His uncle, old Pliny, also saw it; and I may be doing a ser- vice to some of my readers who have an itching for looking into things by recalling to their minds what he saw, how he saw it, and what came of his seeing it. This old man was an extraordinary person. He rose before other people went to bed, and himself frequently never went to bed at all. When he took his meals, instead of eating he read ; and when he took his bath, instead of washing himself he read also. AVhen he was so broken down that he could no longer hold his book before his eyes, he made somebody read to him. It made no difier- ence to him what the book was, for it was a maxim of his that no book can be so bad as not to have some good in it. When he was not reading he was writing, and when his fingers became so cramped that they refused to wriggle, he ordered up an amanuensis. He never went out of the house without his note-book, and took down every bird, beast, and fish, stratum of brick-bats, ash- formation, and bilge-water current that he set eyes on. What it was impossible for him to find out by his indi- vidual researches he got from anybody that he thought ought to know, and hence consulted much with the country-peoi)le and sea-faring men, whose accounts of natural phenomena he carefully recorded. By proceeding in this manner he accumulated an awful amount of ines- timable facts, coming at last to be steeped to the very e3^e- brows in wisdom, and knowing more or less of everything. One day while on duty with the Roman fleet at Mise- num — for he was a great office-holder as well as man of science — he espied a good-sized cloud of vapor shaped like a pine-tree issuing from some mountain on shore. A 246 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS common man in sucli a neighborhood seeing such a sight would have jumped at the conclusion that it portended a dangerous outbreak of Vesuvius and run away. Not so this uncommon man. Nothing short of close and minute ocular inspection could satisfy the rigid requirements of his practical mind. This thing nmst he looked into, said he ; and gathering up liis note-book he ordered a vessel to take him on the expedition. Ilis nephew, young Pliny, was at that time a student of his, and the old man wish- ing to aiford him every opportunity of improving himself in knowledge, kindly invited him to go along. This youth subsequently became extremely erudite himself, and even at this early age showed that he was rather wiser than his uncle, for on the present occasion he de- clined the offer with thanks, — ingeniously alleging that he wished to do some studying, — a plea than which none upon earth could have been more satisfactory to the old man. Pliny the Elder accordingly put off alone, courageously poking about in places into which his crew begged bins for Heaven's sake not to venture. But like any man of supereminent talent he had a proper contempt of these illiterate ignoramuses, and heartily despising their fears pushed along till he reached a point where even his strong and Siippy head began to crack and bake under the hot ashes and big rocks that came down upon it by the cart- load. And now for a moment he had a mind to shut up his note-book and go back, especially as the land seemed to be turning inside out and the sea to be flowing away, and probably he would have done so had not the unlet- tered ass of a pilot strenuously urged it upon him. As it was, however, the intrepid old philosopher concluded to make the best of his way to the house of Pomponianus, a friend of his residing at StabiaB. " Fortune favors the brave," screamed he, though the event proved him to have been something too credulous in this aphorism, for be was suffocated that self-same night. He appears to have maintained his philosophical equa- nimity to the last, for on reaching Pomponianus's prem- ises he very coolly lay down and went fast asleep, which no one else dared to do, and was getting very comforta- bly blocked in and buried alive by the stones which were OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 241 constantly falling around the entrance to his chamber, when his friends ventured to wake him up. A crisis being thought to have now arrived, a council of war was held to determine what was best to be done, old Pliny assisting. It was resolved to take to the fields — a reso- lution which, says Pliny the Younger point-blank, the council was scared into — " except my uncle," says he, " who embraced it upon cool and deliberate consider- ation." And here his uncle was peremptorily obliged by the force of circumstances to sacrifice somewhat of the dignity of mien characteristic of the sage, for he had to surmount his head with a pillow tied thereupon to save it from being staved in by the descending stones. Thus arrayed he proceeded with the rest to the seashore, where he lay down again — being, it should seem, in these stirring times, most remarkably sleepy for a man commonly so wide awake. A great burst of sulphurous vapor com- pelled him to rise immediately, and at that moment he died. So ended Pliny the Eider — a martyr to science, say we men — a victim to curiosity, will sa}^ the women. Pliny the Younger, the discreet, despite his sagacious prudence became entangled in the eruption after all, — and was monstrously Hustered thereby. He has be- queathed to us a graphic description of his tribulations on the occasion. Pompeii was a fussy, third-rate town, eternally in a row and forever at law. Especially were there innumer- able squabbles between the citizens and the military sta- tioned there; and on one occasion a regular knock-down- and-drag-out fight occurred at the circus, in which they effectually fanned out certain windy fellows from Nuceria — another fussy little town hard by. Of course, with such worthies, this fight led to a lawsuit. The Pompeians lost their case and were sentenced very severely, — no less, indeed, than by the forfeiture of their right to go to the circus for ten years. It was while waiting to have their disabilities removed that the earthquake hap- pened that killed the sheep. It was a walled city. The walls, which were surmounted by towers, were very thick and substantial, and have been ascertained to be about two miles in extent, inclosing an area estimated to con- 248 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS tain a hundred and sixt}^ acres. In spite of its boister- ousness it must have had peculiar attractions as a resi- dence, for we know that it was a favorite rusticatin2:-p]ace with many of the ancient dignitaries. In one respect it must have been the most delightfully unique of all towns, — for there were no poor trash in it — so we infer, at least, from the fact that all the houses yet unearthed manifestly belonged to well-to-do people. There is some ground, too, for surmising that there were no sick folks there, else we ought to find their skeletons lying around — unless, indeed, we suppose they were miraculously healed by the stress of circumstances surrounding them, as I have known rheumatics and paralytics to be by the house provi- dentially catching fire. What a place was this to live in ! nobody bedridden, and with no poor kin. Alas, that this paragon of cities should have been blotted from the earth ! it appears to be established by the small number of skeletons discovered that almost all of the inhabitants of Pompeii were able to save themselves; and, though their contemporary neighbors niay reasonably have lamented that such a fractious and impracticable set should have been turned loose to leaven other communities, few of the present generation have attained to that lofty pitch of righteousness which entitles them to carp at the circum- stance. When things had become settled again, some of the people returned and started a new town on top of the old one, but the eruption of Vesuvius, which occurred in 472, destroyed this also. No attempt was made to resuscitate it after this, and in process of time the very site of Tompeii was forgotten. It is true that the wall of the great theatre stuck out prominently above ground to keep the place in remembrance, but the country is so full of ruins that nobody bothers his head about any par- ticular one. It is also true that Fontana, the engineer, running a subterranean aqueduct in 1592 went plumb through the town, knocking down the buildings and col- umns that stood in his way ; but he was a man of business, who went straight along without troubling himself with extraneous speculations. Thus it was till 1748, when a n)an in digging a well chanced to break through into a chamber containing such an array of statues and curious OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 249 objects that it was impossible to ignore the place any longer. Cupidity as well as curiosity being now excited, excavations were begun and have been prosecuted to the present time. The work does not pay very well, however, pecuniarily, and hence has been carried on in a miserably desultory manner — sometimes for a month or two, some- times for a day or two, but more frequently for no time at all. So far, one hundred and twenty-two years from its discovery, about two-fifths of the city has been dug out ; and taking this as the basis of calculation and estimating one-horse power as thirty-three thousand pounds raised one foot in a minute, and an Italian power as one hundred and fifty pounds falling fiat on the grass in an instant, I find, unless I have inadvertently omitted some essential element in the figuration, that the entire city will be uncovered one of these days. As long as Victor Emmanuel lasts tolerably steady progress may be expected, for he is a sovereign of liberal and enlightened views in these matters, being in marked contrast with the Bourbon dynasty that preceded him. We were lucky enough to secure a pleasant, sunshiny day for our visit to Pompeii. The railroad to Salerno passes close to the buried city, and it was by this route that we went to it, — though many persons for unknown reasons prefer to drive there through dust and ashes in a carriage. As we knew we should have to do a great deal of walking, and were doubtful about the hotel accommo- dations thereabouts, we took the precaution to provide ourselves with lunch, which we carried in a bottle. The trip occupied about an hour, leading us for most of the way along the pleasant shores of the bay and through many suburban towns and villages. Pompeii is not ex- hibited gratis, but has a ticket-office at the entrance, the price of admission being forty cents — children half price. As fast as the patrons procure their tickets they are col- lected into parties of five or six and handed over to a guide, of whom there are thirty employed b}^ the govern- ment, and who — Ijlessings on the government therefor ! — are obliged to do their duty and get nothing for it, being turned out of office if they accept of any recompense from visitors. At the outset we were hopelessly cast 2-2 250 TII[<: BOOK OF TRAVELS down by being assigned to a guide who spoke only Italian, but by a dexterous manceuvre we were after awhile so fortunate as to transship ourselves to the care of another one more gifted in tongues. Said this able archae- ologist to us on coming under his wing, " I speak any- ting here — Ruman in Rum, and in Napelis I speak Maca- roni." At this merry conceit he opened his ponderous and marvelous jaws and grinned from ear to ear, and we our- selves cracked an audible smile, — as we did forty times over again during the day, at the least ; for it was the most valued observation in all his repertoire of good things, which he repeated at every opportunity, and as he was a clever fellow we felt it incumbent ui)on us to laugh every time. The party we were now thrown with consisted of a family of ladies and gentlemen from Sweden, and they bothered us amazingly, for they were very perverse and liard-headed, and there was no bond of union between us — especially not between us and the ladies, to whom we were obliged to defer by virtue of their sex; where- fore, I make bold to declare that, in my humble judgment, with all reverence for my female fellow-creatures, they are mighty poor company on a sentimental journey. There is almost nothing to indicate the presence of the city till the gate is entered, when it bursts suddenly upon the view in an extended and startling vista. The first glimpse I obtained of it reminded me irresistibly of the "burnt district" at Richmond after the evacuation, to which its roofless houses and bare walls gave it a striking resemblance, the most noticeable difference being the absence of rubbish. It has a very lonely, solemn, and awe-insi)iring look about it, which is not materially dis- sipated by the sight of the groups of visitors wandering amid the ruins, or a horse and cart slowly bearing away a load of excavated dirt. An imaginative person might here easily convert himself into a profound moralist or else a melancholy loon by sitting oft' in a corner and giving rein to thought. Our guide gallantly relieved the ladies of a great stock of surplus dry-goods, — at the same time by his courteous anxiety to see ourselves unencundjered, forcing us to permit him to carry our bottle of lunch, — and led us on. OF A DOCTOR OF PIIYSW, 251 The city has been pretty thorou,2,-h]y sacked by the powers in authority over it, almost everything movable having been taken away, and it was a remark of incessant iteration with the guide, as we entered the houses, that here used to be such a thing but that it was now in the Museum at Napelis. It was laid out with considerable regularity, the streets generally crossing at right angles, though most of them are very narrow, not exceeding eleven feet in width. They are paved with blocks of lava, and it is a striking sight to note how this has been cut into by carriage wheels, some of the ruts being astonish- ingly deep. Frequently they are provided with high- pitched stepping-stones leading across them to keep the feet of dainty pedestrians out of the mud in rainy weather. Every now and then we meet with a well surrounded with a stone curb, on which are plainly to be seen the chafings made by the ropes in drawing up buckets. There are also specimens of a sort of town-pump, consist- ing of a stone basin on the side of which is sculptured a face, from whose mouth, in the times when the water- works were in repair, issued a stream of the blessed element. Ah, me ! how many jolly old souls of Pompeii after an all-night frolic have cooled their overheated coppers at these fountains ! They have actually rubbed and burnt away goodly segments of the cheeks of these stone faces by the pressure of their glowing gills. The houses of Pompeii were for the most part of small size and not more than two stories high. What windows they had were monopolized by the rooms on the upper floors, and some of them boasted the luxury of panes of glass. Wherever the area of the premises was sufficiently spacious to allow it, an inner court was included in the architectural plan, and around this were ranged the various apartments for the use of the family. In the decoration of the rooms mosaic work entered abundantly. Paintings, too, were much affected, many of which are still to be seen looking very fresh, though the subjects are frequently of a kind that would hardly be selected to adorn the parlors of our highly delicate age and country. The citizens of Pompeii were largely employed in keeping shop. Some of the first people of the place, the 252 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS upper ten themselves, were implicated in this vulgar mode of g-etting a living. And they were not ashamed of it, as appears from the fact that their palatial residences and their grimy shops were under the same roof; and they were not above soliciting a share of the patronage of the public by written notices tantamount to " Best Superfine Flour," " No. 1 Tar," " Family Groceries cheap for Cash," "Lime & Hay for sale here," etc. From the evidences they have left behind, it seems that their modes of doing business were pretty much like those in vogue with us, and many of their callings were such as are still assiduously pursued. Among the establishments have been clearly identified bakehouses, blacksmith- shops, soap-factories, doctors' offices, taverns, and numerous others, including, of course, bar-rooms, and some places much worse. Over the doors of some of these were inscribed the names of the proprietors, though many were furnished with signs more comprehensible to the great bulk of the community. Thus, the academ}^ where was taught the manly art of self-defense was designated by a representation of two men waging battle ; and Professor Somebody's Classical and Collegiate Institute was pleasantly made known to the Pompeian youth by a hieroglyph showing the Professor in the act of the endermic application of knowledge to one young gentle- man horsed on another young gentleman's back. Certain institutions which amongst us flourish the best the less they are known, sticking to the symbolical system, announced themselves with such naked protrusiveness that to accommodate modern ideas it has been found necessary to take down the signs, — though some still remain and can be seen on the streets, being cut in the stone of the pavements. The worthy shopkeepers of Pompeii were annoyed with some of those petty encroachments upon their com- fort which so rile ours at the present day. Occasionally we behold a house whose wall is made terrible by the depicture of a pair of tremendous snakes overlapping one another. This was intended as a direful warning to whom it might concern to commit no nuisance there. And at one place this plain, pertinent, and impertinent OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIO. 253 notice to g-entleraen of leisure is stuck up, — " No place for loungers: clear out, loafer!" (Otiosis locus hie non est, discede morator.) There is not a spot in Pompeii but what possesses a share of interest for the visitor. A detailed account of everything to be seen would, however, weary th'e reader, and I shall, therefore, mention only a iew of the more striking objects. It would require many visits to give the city such an examination as it deserves. We were there several hours and saw but a portion of it, and much of that, owing to the discordant elements in our party, very cursorily. The Forum was the first place of prominence we were taken to. It is a spacious quad- rangle adorned with numerous columns and with pedes- tals for statues, and is surrounded by temples and public buildings for various purposes. Its most interesting features are those that indicate the sudden knocking-off from work of the stone-cutters, who at the time of the eruption were engaged in repairing and improving it. We see this in the unfinished columns and the rough blocks of marble lying about, which are just as they were left by the artisans v/hen they put up their tools eighteen hundred years ago, expecting, doubtless, the gods willing, to recommence work in a week or two, at the furthest. Leaving the Forum we visited a multitude of houses, including those of such dignitaries of the city as Cains Sallust and Marcus Lucretius, many of them still giving ample evidence that their proprietors were persons of taste and means. In the prosecution of these inquiries, while moving along one of the streets, all at once the guide beguiled the party into a little dungeon of a room with nothing in it, and then called the gentlemen out, one by one, ordering each man forth with as much precision as if he were detailing us to be shot, while the attempt of the ladies to follow was summarily and unceremo- niously squelched. Wondering greatly at this proceed- ing, we saw him draw forth a key and unlock the door of an adjoining house, into which he commanded us to enter. Merciful Diana! what place was this? The pic- tures on the walls answered the question quick as a flash. It was no place for such decent and virtuous gentlemen 22* 254 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS as we were to be in, and, accordingly, after examining every nook and corner thoroughly, we instantly with- drew. It was a very small and incommodious apartment, having an awfully hard stone bed and pillow on one side. This, too, was apparently no place for loafers ; for at the foot of the steps leading np-stairs was erected a sort of pulpit, in which, I opine, the boss-lady sat, and admitted no one till he had paid for his ticket. If this surmise is correct, we did some things better in Pompeii than, as I understand, we do them here. Blushing with conscious innocence, we rejoined the ladies and went ahead. Two theatres have been dug up at Pompeii, showing that the drama was appreciated there. The citizens also had the benefit of the elevating influences of gladiatorial and wild-ljcast combats, being provided with an amphi- theatre capable of seating ten thousand persons. They were refreshing themselves with an exhibition at this place when the eruption broke out; and it is owing to this circumstance, indeed, that so few of them perished ; for all hands being assembled at this comparatively dis- tant spot, and finding it impossible to return to their homes, they had simply to all run away together, with the advantages of nothing to encumber them and plenty of elbow-room. Let this fact be duly noted to the credit of the much-abused sports of the arena. I have heard good people, logical and sagacious thinkers, when de- nouncing the practice of dancing, declare that they re- quired no other proof of its awful wickedness than that Ilerodias danced John the Baptist's head off. Can they possibly shut their eyes to the saving efficacy of a dog- tigjjt when they see that on one occasion a some\vhat similar performance was the means of preserving ten thousand lives ? The Pompeians were blessed with baths excelling those that any modern city can boast. They also enjoyed the privilege of a good court-house and secure jail, and a branch of that odious institution, the custom-house, was estal)lishe4 in their midst. Such satisfaction as can be deriv,e,d from the presence of soldiers was likewise vouch- safed them. I have already made a slight reference to the |j.eliig,erent relatipns subsisting between the citizens OF A DOCTOR OF PnYSIC. 255 and their defenders. In the destruction of the city, the military sutfered heavily, no less than sixty-three skele- tons having- been discovered in their barracks. Had these been Confederate troops, I am prepared to prove that the whole detachment would have got off without the loss of a man — such is the superiority of our system. But, unlike our independent-spirited veterans, a Roman warrior when assigned to a post subordinated his ideas of what ought to be done to those of his commander, and so there he stuck, through thick and thin, till further orders. We finished our inspection of Pompeii at the suburban villa which has been assigned to Diomedes for the incon- sequential reason that the family burying-ground of this individual happens to be across the street from it. It is but a short distance without the city, cheerfully situated in the midst of a graveyard, where tombs line both sides of the highway, and, barring the undesirable company of the defuncts, must have been a delightful spot for rustication. It had all the modern improvements of those days, and commanded a view of the bay as well as the tombstones, and was just the place which a man fond of ruralizing-, and who was not to be intimidated by ghosts, would like to see in the possession of his particular friend. It had a cellar containing good store of wine. In tills cellar were found the skeletons of eighteen per- sons, who, it is presumed from the gold ornaments upon their necks and arms, were nearly all females. Amongst them were two children, upon whose skulls when dis- covered there was still some hair. We saw upon the wall the imprint of the bodies of some of these poor creatures where they had cowered against it in their last agony. One day the workmen, while excavating in the city, happened to strike their implements through into a hollow space in the midst of the ashes. Sig. Fiorelli, the super- visor of the works, surmising that this cavity was the mould of a human body left by the decay of the flesh, was led to the ingenious expedient of filling it with liquid plaster of Paris. His surmise proved to be correct, and the result was that he in this way secured casts of four bodies. These are kept at Pompeii and form the strangest and most impressive sights there. The plaster has copied 256 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS all the peculiarities of the originals very faithfully — their features, their clothing, the rings on their fingers, every- thing. The bones are incased in the plaster, portions of them being visible where they have failed to be covered by it. One of these unfortunates was a man, two were women, and one a girl about fifteen years of age. The girl and one of the women were found very near to each other, and are supposed to have been a mother and daughter. The casts of the females have a swollen ap- pearance, the consequence of the distention of the bodies by gases evolved in decomposition occurring while the ashes around them were still wet and yielding. In their despair the women had put their hands before their e^^es to shut out the horrid vision of death ; but the man, it seems, faced it courageously, for he was found lying upon his back, though the marks of contortion about him would indicate that he died in convulsions. The cavities corre- sponding to the bodies were not on the level of the street, but nearly fifteen feet above it, whence it is inferred that these persons had remained in the house till the matters ejected by the volcano had obtained a considerable depth Avhen they issued from the upper windows and tried to escape, but were overwhelmed by the showers of ashes and water, which, mingling into a semi-fluid mass, formed a mould around them. In consequence of having to do a vast deal of tramping hither and thither to make our observations, it at length fell out that our flesh failed us, and we would fain have recruited it with a morsel or so of lunch. But, wo was us ! on applying for it to our bottle-holder, the guide, to our dismay we found he had drunk it all up. We had at the first, thinking him a man of frugal taste, given him authority to refresh himself with it when so minded, and, forsooth, had been measurably tickled at noting how deftly he could stand with his abdomen confronting his auditors, and, crooking his face full to the rear, contrive to take in his drink and give out his elucidations simul- taneously, after which he would stop the vent of the bottle with his thumb, having lost the cork — purposely, I liave time and again imagined — at the very beginning. It was with considerable chagrin at our lack of the faculty OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 257 of judgment that we realizpcl how egreg-iously we had niiscalculaled his sucking power. By some mysterious means his brother guides got information that we had opened a temporary barroom in the old city (but not till all the liquor was gone), in consequence of which we beheld them at every corner, dodging, and winking, and blinking in a fashion that spoke volumes for the dispirit- ing character of the place. In our difficulty we betook ourselves to the Hotel Diomede, th6 modern hotel of the town, where we procured a very satisfactory repast, being entertained meanwhile by an exceeding strange- looking guitarist, withal a desperate poor player, of wliose strains we could obtain no surcease even by threatening to cast a loaf of bread at his instrument. CHAPTER XX. How we journeyed to the Eternal City, and of our Besetments and Con- tentions and Strivings by the Way, and how hard it was to make good our Lodgment therein. Of the climate of Naples I shall briefly remark that as far as I became conversant with it there is nothing com- mendable about it. Indeed, all that its best friends have ventured to offer in its behalf is that it is not quite as bad as the malevolent have represented it. The weather was either rainy or cloudy, and frequently very chilly and disheartening, for most of the time we were there, and it had been the same, we were told, for weeks before. The hotel had fireplaces as a fundamental feature in its con- struction, with andirons ready set for an emergency, — a bad sign, indicating that cold was felt and feared there, and which shows the invalid he has not entirely evaded the rigors of winter by going thither. We consumed many baskets of wood during our sojourn, not one chip of which escaped record in the bill, where they made a most ghastly item, for wood is an intensely precious com- modity in these hlaae countries. As the result of my 2 58 1'IIE BOOK OF TRAVELS experience, I recommend the consumptive especially to tarry but a little while in sunny Italy in the winter season. llavnuir completed our allotted period in Naples, we embarked for Rome. We went to the railroad station early, finished up the harassing details connected with the bag-gage, and broke into the train while it was yet moving itself into position at the platform, — for both of us being incorrigible expectorators, my companion on account of his cough, and myself by reason of tobacco- chewing, we earnestly desired to procure places in the coach near the windows, where we could indulge our vices in ease and comfort, and were willing to risk our legs and necks in order to do it. We succeeded perfectly in our object, no one competing with us, and were sitting praying for the train to speed away when a superemi- nently hard-favored, bald-headed, paunchy little man, astonishingly self-asserting and consequential, walked into the coach, and taking off his hat and putting his foot down firmly, proceeded to deliver an address to us. He seemed to plume himself most of all on his bald head, which was rugose and dinted as well as hairless, looking as if it had been soaked in a lime-vat ; while to magnify his importance yet more, he had enveloped himself in a big, long, invisible-visible black-green coat, reaching al- most to his heels, deposited a pair of spectacles with seven-by-nine glasses before his eyes, and turned out a woolly, manure-colored beard. To this imposing figure we listened with all the respect and consideration which utterances from such a source must inevitably command. We thought the little man asked us to get out and give way to his party of friends, eight in number, just a com- partment full, who wanted to journey social)ly all together to Rome ; but we were miserably deficient in languages, and do what we might could not possibly understand him well enough to appreciate the reasons he suggested why we should leave the coach and hunt up new places to accommodate his friends. He lavished a vast amount of majesty of mien and argumentum ad hominem upon us to enable us to see the point, but we couldn't see it. Per- ceiving that we were dull of comprehension, he proceeded OF A DOCTOR OF FIIYSIC. 259 to elucidate his meaning by practical demonstrations, setting about removing our carpet-bags from their recep- tacles. Unfortunately we misconstrued this, regarding it as an invasion of our rights, and thereupon we put our- selves in a posture of defense, with a dash of oliense in the posture. At this piece of effrontery on our part he grew amazed. He appeared to think we were demented, and shutting out from our gaze the splendors of his glo- rious old punkin of a cranium under his hat, and puff- ing out his invisible-visible black-green coat till all its wrinkles were obliterated by the accumulation of his dignity, he stalked out of the coach. The party was duly informed, no doubt, of our indis- position to be awed out of the coach, for presently an- other gentleman, whose method was the Huamter in modo, entered and addressed us. He was a most soft and sweet- spoken gentleman, and, moreover, knew a word of Eng- lish — the word he knew being " ladies." This one Eng- lish word he used copiously, to give pith and point to the body of his argument in Italian, his aim being to make us comprehend that we would be obliging the fair sex by turning ourselves adrift with our carpet-bags to agonize for new quarters. Now, inasmuch as my companion was married and I am absolutely free from any hopes of such a condition, it will not seem strange that we could under- stand him no better than his stupendous little predeces- sor. The ultimate result of the whole negotiation was that the party was sundered into fragments, each indi- vidual having to take his or her chances, — as, alas ! too frecpiently happens in traveling tlu'ough this vale of tears. Five of them packed themselves in with us, one of tlieni a lady, and along with them came the redoubtable fugle- man, head, specs, beard, coat, and all, — and counting him as two people, our coach now had its full complement. They turned up their noses at us and we turned up our mouths at them, and in these harmonious rehitions to- wards each other we set out for an all-day journey together. In this country of Italy the railroad people are not such bigoted adherents to the schedule as we find them in ours. Ou the present occasion we started full half an hour after 260 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS the appointed time. I'bey, however, interfere most un- reasonably with the liberty of the subject. Under our free institutions a man traveling on a railroad has a per- fect rig'ht to drop down between the cars, get run over, or get left, and no one ever thiidvs of molesting or hinder- ing him in the accomplishment of these things ; but in Italy and other despotic countries of Europe you are bolted in your coach and not permitted to issue forth even when the train stops, except it be at such places as the officials in their wisdom have allotted A cordon of the functionaries are around you all the time, watching your every movement. You could not get yourself left behind or massacred even with malice aforethought, and if, asserting your manhood, you burst out, the hue-and- cry is raised instantly, and you are hustled back per- emptorily. We passed continually in sight of the Apennines, many of whose peaks were clad with snow. The country through which we journeyed was most of it fertile and well cultivated, and with a frequent succession of small towns. As we proceeded, the animosity existing between us and our traveling companions gradually died out, and in time we became as sociable as people unable to com- municate with each other can well be — always excepting the important liitle man. He sat to himself, or when he moved about moved in a circle of his own. He kept his hat off the whole time to give the grisly glories of his head full scope, and seemed to have an abiding assurance that we would be petrified presently. At every station the original proposition to leave the coach was renewed to us, and in every case as at first was declined from lack of comprehension. In process of time we attained the limits of Victor Emmanuel's dominions, and here we were stopped to have our passports examined. King Victor seems to fash his brains more about people who are quitting his territories than about those who are coming into them. When we entered Naples, passports were not mentioned to us once. Thrown off my guard by this show of liberality, I had contemptuously slung my cursed document into my trunk among pieces of old bricks, ruins of temples, and other trash, and there it was now OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 261 at this critical juncture, irrecoverably locked up in the bag-gage-car. It is no joke to be without a passport in a country whose government is so assinine as to require you to have one ; and as the inspector came nearer and nearer to our coach I poked my head out of the window to see what sort of a place this was as a temporary resi- dence. But the inspector was a worthy old superficial incompetent soul, who examined our papers in a lump, so that I was able by judicious dodging and superabun- dant fussiness to satisfy him that he had seen mine as plain as a pikestaff. I was quite delighted when we got away from this ill- boding place, and was still sniggering most complacently over the clever manner in which I had deluded the old gump, when the train stopped again. An investigation into the reason of this caused my mouth suddenly to pucker in the reverse direction. We had now come within the jurisdiction of the Woman of Bab3'lon, so called, and before going farther must submit to another inspection of passports, and endure an examination of baggage in addition. A functionary of the Woman's aforesaid, most formidable in mien by reason that he was surmoimted by a cocked hat and was incased in buttons and belts and other military toggery from top to toe, came to our coach. Every one showed his papers but me. There was no hoodwinking this lynx-eyed inquis- itor. "Monsieur," said he to me, " passy porter." "Monsieur," returned I, "I haven't got it," — simulta- neously adjusting myself to that state of easy repose which marks the man conscious of rectitude when ap- pearances are against him. The functionary was a miserabl}^ poor physiognomist, and misinterpreted my composed aspect to mean an insolent braving of his authority, and, accordingly, waxed very hot on the spot. "Monsieur," shouted he, " passyporter, passyportei', PASSYPORTER !" " Monsicur," said I, "do you speak French?" " jSTo-r-r," said he, with fury ; "passyporter." I therefore confined myself to English, and explained the matter minutely and carefully, going over it several times, so that I thought it must needs be plain to the dullest comprehension. He did not understand it one 23 262 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS particle, however, and grew yet more clamorous for the |)assi)urt; whereupon 1 lay me back in dignity in the coach, declined to waste further discourse upon him, and bade him go to Babylon, or some equivalent exterranean limbo. By this time he was convinced that I was a most desperate and dangerous republican and pestilent heretic, bent upon the annihilation of the pontificate, and so brought the affair to a summary settlement by order- ing up one of his janizaries and delivering me over to his custody. A great deal of time was now wasted in transporting the baggage on the backs of porters from the cars to the building wliere it was to be examined. During this tedious process I sauntered about under guard, impa- tiently waiting for my trunk to appear. At length it was brought in among the very last entries. It was speedily opened, and the first thing I did was to extract the accursed paper and project it into the nose and e3"es of the functionary, who had drawn near and was stand- ing in judgment over me. The document was unim- peachable. There it was, indorsed and sanctified by the Great American Eagle in water-uiark, and describing my head as average, face ordinary, and features common, — all of which even a blind man would be obliged to admit accorded with my physiognomical characteristics to a notch. At this triumphant vindication of my integrity the functionary was amazed and nonplused, and had no other resource than to wreak unmanly vengeance on the contents of my trunk, which he raked up root and branch. It was the worst overhauling I received in all my trav- els, but my possessions, witliout exception, miraculously escaped his malice. With his conception of my warlike purposes of course he demanded if 1 had pistols. This question, which was never propounded to my companion, was put to me regularly at every examination of baggage, — making me, albeit I felt in my heart that I was a most tame and well-disposed person, to flatter myself that I did show a most martial and terror-striking presence. The present demand was met with the accustomed response, and as my coat-tail was not looked into I was not disarmed. OF A DOCTOR OF niYSW. 263 Meanwhile a most momentous scene was enacting outside. On going forth, after disposing of the passport and baggage imbroglio, to seek my companion, I found him standing before a coach shaking his fists in excessive wrath. At the window loomed our old enemy the little man, rampant with his hat ofiF. There he stood in- trenched, having as an additional barrier against our entrance bribed the guard to lock the door ; and now warned and defied us in the Italian language, which was of all the multifarious tongues wherewith we had l)een tormented the one in which we were the most helplessly deficient. To be thus forcibly excluded from the coach which was ours by pre-emptive right when suasion had failed to remove us, was intolerable. The guard passing at the time I stopped him, and, explaining the state of the case in French, demanded to be reinstated in our places. He replied that he could understand no such French as I spoke, and went on. This iniquitous slur on my lingual acquirements augmented my choler one hundred per cent. The usurper thinking to strike terror into our souls shook his sun-dried and weather-stained cranium at us with extreme viciousness. Struck by his appearance I contemplated him critically. He was cer- tainly a mighty ugly man. There was no reason that I could see why he and the gorilla might not have their photographs printed from the same negative. His seven- by-nine spectacles glared and his manure-colored beard bristled. But he could not terrify me, for I was within a fraction or two of being as bald as he was; and my companion had been fighting so long with the King of Terrors that it was hard to scare him by any means. Now, except me, my companion was the peaceablest person that ever was, but when you raised us you raised Tartarus. At the then present time we were. raised, and under cover of a tremendous fusillade of English in response to the enemy's Italian, we stormed the coach. Slinging our overcoats, canes, umbrella, carpet-bags, and medicine-bottle through the window, we squeezed in im- mediately after them, the usurper giving ground before our impetuous advance, and were straightway in undis- puted possession. 264 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS My companion did not cease hostilities for the great victory, hut fell upon the haffled and defeated usurper with his tongue and gave him an awful scoring. " Do you know what I'd do with you if I had you in Amer- ica ?" asked my companion of the usurper, at the same time flourishing his fist about his visage. The usurper did not appear to know, and posing himself comfortably away in a corner evinced no desire to be enlightened; wherefore my companion informed him gratuitously. " I'd choke you," said my companion with raucous emphasis. This question and the answer thereto he reiterated again and again for a long time, even after the train had re- sumed its journey, — nay, till the usurper had fallen fast asleep in his corner and snored. The strength of wind displayed by my companion in his gymnastical and elocutionary efforts on this occasion was more than I had supposed him possessed of, and gave me hopes that his lungs had been measurably invigorated by travel. Now it came to pass when we had become composed somewhat and began to look around the coach, we found from certain marks that we were not in the compartment originally occupied by us, but in some other to which we could justly lay no pre-emptive claim, — in fact, that we ourselves and not the little man were the usurpers! — a most astounding and grievous discovery. It was an im- pressive lesson against rash conclusions. Alas, how often, and sometimes how fatally, do we err in this way ! I should have been warned by the instance of old Mrs. Adkison, a chronic and consistent patient of mine, who, it may be, has made shipwreck of her salvation from this cause by too hastily rejecting with wrath and scorn the awakening and convicting tract entitled "Why Will You Die ?" pi'esented to her by a w^orthy colporteur. She uses '' hair restorer," and conceived the tract to be an impudent intermeddling with her private concerns. Since, however, we had made good our footing in the coach by the valor of our arms we did not condescend to make any apology or reparation, but retained our places by right of conquest. After a long and weary detention at this wretched spot, we sped away and were no more molested. As the OF A DOCTOR OF PUTS 10. 265 day declined, we entered that desolate, depopulated, and unwholesome region known as the Campag-na, wliich presented a most dreary aspect in the gray light of the evening. Drawing near to Rome, some of the ])assengers were vouchsafed a misty view of the illumination of St. Peter's, — an imposing spectacle which is annually ex- hibited, wind and weather permitting, on Easter Sunday. These contingent circumstances had, however, not been propitious the present season, and consequently the Sov- ereign Pontiff had postponed the exhibition, which by right should have taken place on the second Sunday night preceding, to last Sunday night ; and then, for like cause, had postponed it again to next Sunday night, — to wit, to-morrow night. We were cognizant of this alteration in tlie time of the performance, and as we should then be in the city had indulged great hopes of witnessing it, but His Holiness, now justly distrustful of the meteoro- logical indications, by virtue of the plenary powers with which he was invested had antedated the show twenty- four hours, and lighted up this Saturday night, to our great disappointment. The Eternal City has no suburbs, and we were in it before we knew it. It was about eleven o'clock at night when we arrived. We debarked from the train, and in do.ubt and perplexity scuffled on our way till we stum- bled upon the omnibus pertaining to the Hotel d'Angle- terre, in which we secured passage,— being assured by the man in charge in response to repeated inquiries tliat we could readily find accommodations at the said Hotel d'Angleterre. The American custom of checking bag- gage is pooh-poohed in Europe — for no other reason, I verily believe, than from a complacent conceit that we young upstarts can't teach such old doty folks as tliey anything about traveling. As a consequence a man must trust to his individual eyes and feet and hands, and to Providence, to preserve his trunk, and serutinizingly note every one of its transmigrations and tergiversations, to his great vexation and tribulation. B}^ the miserable system in vogue here we were on the present occasion subjected to surpassing trouble. All of the baggage was first extracted from the train and thrown higgled v-piggledy 23* 266 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS into a room where no one was allowed to enter till the slow operation was completed, when a general rush was permitted, and everybody got what he could of his prop- erty. My companion undertook to engineer this part of the business while I stayed in the omnibus to maintain our position there, and by dint of unstinted expenditure of breath and small-change upon the surrounding depot- loafers, iu the fullness of time contrived to extricate our trunks from the general chaos. Out of a whole omnibus- load of passengers we were the only ones who accom- plished this feat, the rest in despair concluding to abandon their baggage to its fate till the morrow. The omnibus had tarried an inordinate time to give every passenger a chance for his possessions, but now by unanimous consent we set out for the hotel. On arriving there what was our indignation against the omnibus man when we were told by the Secretary — or whatever the person in authority was — that he had but one room left, and that one the worst in the house ! We besought him to consider the gravity of this circumstance and to reconsider its announcement, but he could by no means be brought to do it; in fact, the more we humbled our- selves the more he exalted himself, until at last he came to regard us as no better than burglars, and as good as ordered us out of the house. By vote the only room was allowed to a lady of the party in deference to the fact tliat she was a woman, while tiie rest of us by sup- plication procured the use of the omnibus to seek quarters among the neighljoring hotels. Accordingly, we sought and sought — but all in vain. The city was overflowing with people who had come to witness the pageants incident to the celebration of the fiftieth anniversary of Pius the Ninth's induction into the priesthood, and not a room was to be had anywhere. In the prosecution of the search, the occupants of the omnibus had been dropped and lost here and there, and finally, when all hope was fled, my companion and m.N'self returned alone to the Hotel d'Angleterre, where we reported our utter failure to the Secretary and bemoaned to him our desolate state. This exalted man spoke Eng- lish well and replied to us with promptness and fluency. OF A DOCTOR OF PIIYSIC. 267 Tlie Secretary (indignantly). — " We carn't let our omnibus" — [or stage, or coach, or chariot, — for, truly, I do niisremeniber the identical appellation he bestowed upon his vehicle, — but, anyhow, said he] — " We carn't let it haul you people about town all night — and won't." We (deprecatingly). — '" Have mercy, sir, on us poor forlorn travelers, houseless and belated." The Secretary (pie-cruHtily). — " Sharn't do it — go somewhere else. [To the omnibus man, decisively.^ Take them people to the Hotel de Rome, drop 'em out there, and bring the omnibus back here." We (to one another). — " Od darn his old hide of him !" In Murray's Handbook the Hotel d'Angleterre is the subject of unqualified eulogy, and the Secretary is espe- cially commended for his obliging disposition. Now, I do not complain of the fact that they gave us no rooms "when they had none to give. I cheerfully forgive them for this, but I decidedly object to the manner in which it was done, which was wantonly curt and insolent. Had they not been quite so full, unquestionably they would have welcomed us with distinguished consideration; which leads me to infer that they can't stand prosperity, and to advise that they be brought to an endurable con- dition by a measurable withholding of the public patron- age. In striking contrast was the behavior of the person in charge of the Hotel de Rome. His house was full, too, and he could not furnish us with a room, but he gener- ously offered to relieve us of the incubus of our trunks, which were become a source of unutterable anxiety to us, and to our great deliverance piled them away in his back-yard, where we found them next morning neither ruined by bad weather nor opened by any unauthorized party. Moreover, he hunted up for us a man who had lodgings for hire, and did sundry good offices for us with- out fee or reward, so that 1 heartily recommend him to travelers as a Christian Secretary and his hotel as a Christian hostelry. Following the man with lodgings for hire we traversed some dark and unknown region and were presently ushered into a kind of dungeon, where we were caused 268 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS to grope our way np a flight of dismal stone steps to a chamber above. Here a candle was lighted with much ado, and by its rays we beheld a dreary apartment whose principal piece of furniture was a mammoth bedstead, whereon we beheld reposing a most exceeding uncomely man, with a feather bed on top of him for covering and a nightcap adjusted to his head by swathing, it became necessary now for me to furbish up my entire stock of French, for we were al)out to essay in that tongue the extremely intricate business of determining the price of the lodgings. Talleyrand, who spoke French himself, has remarked that the design of language is to conceal our thoughts, — and from my experience I can in the nmin testify to the judiciousness of the observation. In the complex chaffering that now ensued between the landlord and me, neither more than half comprehended what the other was driving at. It is my custom, as it is that of most persons not habituated to the use of out- landish tongues, when forced to speak in other than my vernacular, to involuntarily interlard my discourse with fragments from any other language with which 1 may chance to be conversant in order to eke out the meaning. It thus happened that when I resorted to French in Europe — and Heaven knows I did it never from any vanity of scholarship, but only from the direst necessity — it was usually much diversified with Spanish and Eng- lish ; and I did ofttimes conceive, and was to a degree puffed up by the conception, that the Europeans hearing me speak three languages must needs esteem me to be a man of uncommon erudition, — especially as I spoke all three simultaneously, and far more especially, unless they differ widely from the rest of our wonder-worshiping species, because ordinarily I made all three great mys- teries unto them. Slowly and painfully the landlord brought me to understand his ultimatum, which was that we could have the dungeon and the big bedstead for three dollars a day, — provided we pledged ourselves to remain for a week; or, if preferred, we could have them for one night for twenty-one dollars. We brought him quickly and readily to understand that we declined the proposition by taking up our carpet-bags, medicine-bottle, OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 209 etc., and stumbling; and tumbling out of the place. The wretch in the nightcap during' the conference composedly lay in bed looking and listening, sagaciously retaining possession till the question was decided, and the fact that we should have had to occupy his place was a weighty reason with us for not acceding to the landlord's terms. We stood in the street and took a calm review of the prospect. The result was that we became wellnigh panic-struck. It M^as after midnight. We had had nothing to eat since breakfast and our maws were empty and our souls famished within us. Not knowing what to do we returned to the Hotel de Rome, and there prov- identially found another hirer of lodgings. As the case was now desperate we determined with ourselves to take these lodgings for the night, no matter what sort they might be, and to ask no questions, but to struggle over the price on the morrow when we would have day- light in our favor. Accordingly, we were again led forth for a short distance and up another flight of stone steps, but this time into quite a cheerful and well-ordered room, carpeted, and adorned with family portraits done by pho- tography, and, judging from their numbers, comprising the whole race and kindred to the remotest generation. We took seats and waited till the preparations for our induction could be completed. Never were we treated with greater consideration and respect. On our behalf a lady was hauled out of bed and caused to make it over again for our reception. Tables and chairs and other things were dragged in quantities into the bed-chamber for our comfort, and when we asked for a drink of water all hands dropped whatever they were doing on the spot and rushed to bring it to us in a body. Such marks of courtesy and regard gave us a most favorable impression of our quarters, though our enthusiasm was sobered down in some measure by misgivings as to their market value ; nevertheless, we adhered to our original deter- mination, asked no questions, but went to bed with the universal benison pouring in loud acclaim upon our heads, and waited till the morrow. By our judicious silence we got the landlord at an advantage, and next morning were able to negotiate 270 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS witli bira on very satisfactory terms. We retained these lodgings during our stay in Rome, taking our meals at a restaurant, and were very well pleased with them. Our apartments comprised a bed-chamber containing a big bedstead identical with the one of the dungeon before mentioned, and like it equipped with a feather bed by way of quilt, while the portrait gallery was assigned to us for our parlor. A delectable little maiden ministered to us with unexceptionable care, never failing to refresh us every morning with a vase of nice flowers. We de- pended on her for egress and ingress, for the door at the top of the steps was kept always fastened by a recondite kind of lock whose mysteries we never fully mastered. The good girl in the kindness of her heart spoke French to us, though, in sooth, her knowledge of the language was limited to '^ Bon jour, tnonsieur.'''' These words, however, she uttered to us continually, at our outgoings and incomings, at our uprisings and downsittings, in season and out of season, — in short, whenever and where- ever she set eyes on us. Almost the sole complaint we could reasonably make against these lodgings was due to the fleas, which were allowed, not to say encouraged, to colonize therein, — and really they were somewhat annoying to us. In the bed alone there was, I am certain, not one less than a full Roman legion of them. My last care every night before retiring was to take off" my under-clothing, turn it inside out, and shake it with inconceivable fury. This operation was faithfully repeated three times before daybreak, with much floundering, and rearing, and tearing, and moaning in the intervals, and again performed as the preliminary of my morning toilet. In spite, however, of my most strenuous exertions to get rid of them, I was kept in a rack of misery more or less all the time, and was reduced to such straits that I could spare but one hand to eat with, having to reserve the other for the purpose of scratching. How the Roman people can endure such torments as these is hard to comprehend. Possibly their indiiference is due to the fortitude tliey may inherit from their invincible forefathers — probably it is due to the impenetrability of the quasi-stucco in which their hides are usually incased. OF A DOCTOR OF PIIYSrO. 2tl CHAPTER XXI. IIow we strove to do our Duty by the manifold Sights to be seen at Rome, and of the Expert whose aid we invoked- — Containing also an Expositioij of the Science and Art of Topograph}' as applied there, v?ith Descriptions of some of the principal Churches, and Notes on the Vatican. My first day in Rome, which was tlie Sabbath, was a very melancholy one. The labors and privations of the preceding day and niji'ht liad f'ag-o-ed me ; my spirits were weig'hed down; I saw nothing in anything ; but was emi- nently atrabilious and blue-devilish. There was little in the general aspect of the city to ameliorate this frame of mind, for it is, in my judgment, an excessively sombre and disheartening place, and the pervading gloom was augmented by the closing of the shops in deference to the sanctity of the day, — a tribute of respect to which we could not, of course, object in the capital of the Chris- tian world, but which we had not seen paid for now a long time, and, in truth, did not anticipate. After getting breakfast at a neighboring restaurant and having our trunks transported to our lodgings, we sauntered forth listlessly, not knowing what to do with ourselves, and presently esjiying some kind of a column towering before us made towards it. It was situated in a spacious square called the Piazza del Popolo and proved to be an Egyptian obelisk which had been reared thou- sands of years ago to adorn the Temple of the Sun at Heliopolis, but brought to Rome by the Emperor Augus- tus. After sufficiently studying the hieroglyphics with which it is pictured we were moved to fall into a throng of people who were hurrying past us as if they were tending to some point of great attraction, and, accord- ingly, following the crowd through a gateway at one side of the square and so out of the city they ultimately led us to a church — the English Protestant — to our great disgust ; for we were not in a frame for the reception of 212 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS the Word. We tlierefore retraced our steps to the piazza, and from there we gradually worked our way to the top of the Pincian Hill hard by. This hill is appropriately laid out as a promenade, and is a favorite place of resort for pedestrian and equestrian idlers. From it is to be seen a magnificent panorama, and here we spent a great part of the day, contemplating the city as it lay before us and the citizens as they lounged around us. We had come to Rome full}' alive to the momentous duties that would devolve upon us as sight-seers, and fully determined to discharge them. We felt that we were in a city brimful of moving memories, where every pebble was classical, and where the wind could not blow with- out disturbing the dust of empires. We knew that our anxious friends at home relied upon us to see everything that any of our i)redecessors had ever seen or professed to have seen, and that if we failed in any particular, on our return we should be chided, and pitied, and despised. That we should not be found derelict, therefore, we made it our first business on Monday morning to hire a guide and a two-horse carriage. This guide was a stout and elderly personage, with gloves and a stove-pipe hat, and a visage tanned and hard as whit-leather. He was the staidest of men, a mortal hater of all jests and idle say- ings, with an unbounded conception of the dignity of his office, and of remarkable independence — being ready to wash his hands of us at a moment's notice. He deliv- ered his oracles jejunely and with method, brooking no interruption, but repressing such questions as in his judg- ment were out of order by gentle but firm flappings with his open hand and an injunction to wait with patience till that point should be attained in its proper sequence. He was but ill versed in the English tongue, which he con- founded ofttimes with the French, and it was only when we were about to part with him that we considered our- selves qualified to interpret his discourse. He called Augustus, Owgoostooz; Caius Cestius, Caiooz Chestiooz; and Claudius, Cloud ; and when at any time pressed to give more particulars, would frequently quietly decline and refer us to Murray's Handbook. Under thraldom body and soul to this sage, we sallied forth to explore the OF A DOCTOR OF FHYSW. 273 city, riding' unweariedly all day for a week, stopping only to eat. We were but human, and it is possible that after all our efforts we may not have accomplished the work thoroughly, but this I can aver, we did it conscientiously, and for conscience' sake did many times endure boring to the last extremity. The Goth, the Christian, Time, War, Flood, and Fire, have dealt upon the seven-hill'd city's pride so relent- lessly as to put effectuall}" at fault any common man who should attempt to trace the void and say, " Here was, or is." Nevertheless, there have been undaunted spirits who have valorously faced every difficulty and mapped it out as it was in the days of the Caesars, — nay, as it was in the days of Romulus. They have accomplished this result, in a great measure, by boldly assigning some well- known name to a certain uncertain locality as a starting- point, and, this being established, deducing the position of other localities from it through the medium of inci- dental allusions in the works of ancient authors. In this Avay the locations of a multitude of places are indubitably fixed — subject, however, to be revised by some succeed- ing antiquarian, at whose dictum they are all changed and indubitably fixed over again. For instance — Sig. Roriborialli conjecturing that a certain wreck was the Temple of Jupiter Nitroglycerans, and there being no survivors of the period of the Empire to contradict him, sets it down so as a fact known and admitted of all men. Now, Seneca says plainly, in his treatise De Pidsante circa Urbem, that the Baths of the Jimcronian Venus were " jjlu7'a vestigia'^ — a few steps — from here; which identifies the load of rubbish confronting it three yards off as the said Baths beyond all dispute. Moreover, from a passage in Horace's elegiac Ad Sassiges it appears that Caesar's Circus Maximus Caninus, or dog-opera, was over against (exadversum) the Baths. This clearly settles the character of the hoary and crumbling pile of bricks that lies behind them. By inferences of this sort Sig. Roriborialli has identified numberless other temples, and baths, and arches, and places of renown, and thousands of cultivated travelers from every clime coming to the Eternal Citv have reverentlv gazed upon and sighed over 24 2Y4 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS scenes which but for the erudition and research of this accomplished archaeologist must have sunk into utter ob- livion. Having finished his labors Sig. Roriborialli, satis- fied that he has contributed to the measure of his ability to the great cause of Truth, dies triumphant and goes to his reward. But since Roriborialli's time other light has been shed upon the subject. Other erudite and research- ful archaiologists, each one more erudite and researchful than his predecessor, have arisen, down to the period of Pochinozi, who by means of the improved methods of reasoning invented in our day has entirely wiped out Sig. Roriborialli's very base-line. This distinguished investi- gator has proved conclusively by certain inscriptions on the walls and by the careful collation of passages that the temple so long believed to be of Jupiter Nitroglycerans is in reality of Cloacina. Tijis, of course, upsets every one of Sig. Roriborialli's deductions and necessitates an out-and-out reconstruction of his map. In corroboration of Sig. Pochinozi's views, Zwoschlager, the profound German Latinist, expresses the opinion that the phrase translated " ik few steps" may mean many, — sc. three miles instead of three yards,* — and that the term exad- versum may be as justly rendered "before" as "behind." But, above all, his accuracy is incontestably assured by the fact that he is the very latest authority on the subject. Having identified the temple, his next step has been to form a series of deductions of his own, which he has done with surprising skill, whereby he has been enabled to rename all of Roriborialli's places ; and no one who knows anything of his ability can any more doubt of the fixedness and finality of his nomenclature than of the egregious credulity of those persons who doubted not the same thing of the nomenclature of the old-timey Rori- borialli. In my descriptions I shall adhere to Sig. Pochi- nozi implicitly. It is a difficult matter to give within restricted limits a satisfactory view of a city which in its various aspects * As somewlaat pertinent to this point, cf. the memorable controversy concerning the signification of the words jjlii/ibus verbis in the oration of Cicero for Marcelius. OF A DOCTOR OF PHrSW. 275 has afforded inateiMal for hundreds of volumes without exhausting the subject. To describe everything that was shown me wouhl be simply an outrage upon any but a mouldy archa3ological reader, and I shall therefore confine myself to a matter-of-fact description of some of the more prominent objects of interest without aspiring to seem learned or original, — and, above all, to the best of my ability stifling those reflections on the transitory nature of earthly things and soliloquies on the Past with which most writers on Rome feel constrained to get bemaudled. When I was there I was too full of fleas to be reflective; but though my cuticle is no more irritated and I can now sentimentalize in peace, it is not consistent with the reputation, which I have no scruple in forestalling for myself of being the most trustworthy of didactic travelers, that 1 should pass off my own manufacture for nature's genuine article, — no, not even though, as I verily believe, the most accomplished expert could not distinguish be- tween them. In undertaking to give some account of the city, I find that it is difficult, too, to know where to begin. In leading us around, our guide adopted a plan of his own too complex to be understood by us, and too di- gressive to be followed in description. On the whole, I think the simplest and best way will be to consult my own convenience. Let us, in the first place, consider the churches. The number of these is legion, or, at any rate, is much above three hundred, and more are in process of erection. One of the most important of the Pope's spiritual functions is the building and repairing of churches, and I visited several of them in which scaffolding and mortar-beds formed prominent features of the interior scene. Among such a multitude of structures designed for the same special purpose, there must necessarily often occur a near approach to uniformity of style and decoration, and one must be a devoted church-goer who does not soon tire of them. The renowned St. Peter's, of course, leads the list. Every one who has seen this stupendous pile has remarked upon the false conception of its dimensions as a whole and in detail which is formed at first sight. Whether the illusion is to be attributed, as is commonly 276 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS asserted, to the harmonious proportion of all the parts, or to some other cause, I fully concur in the general opinion that it exists, and that nothing short of physical demon- stration can dispel it. It is surprising how completely one is set back who presumptuously thinking to take a saint by the hand, finds when he has approached that he can barely reach his Worship's toe ; or, when he would pat the little leg of a baby cherub, perceives it suddenly swell under his touch into a full-grown seraphic calf. From the fa9ade of the building there branches out at each extremity a majestic colonnade formed by four rows of columns, extending forwards in a semicircular sweep, and numbering altogether two hundred and eighty-four. IN'early two hundred statues of saints look down from the entablatui'e which surmounts these columns. The effect of the colonnade is admirable, such as befits the entrance of a temple. The space inclosed by these semi- circles is embellished with two fine fountains, while from its centre rises one of those Egyptian obelisks which the Roman emperors were so wont to bring over for the adornment of the city. On entering the church our attention is directed to a line of stars set in the pavement at different distances from each other ; these are signs of vanity designed to vaunt the excess of St. Peter's over other vast fanes, both of Christendom and Heathendom. Thus, according to the data appended to the stars, this church is two hundred and fifty-three feet longer than St. Sophia of the infidel Turk; while it is ninety-three feet and a half longer than St Paul's of London, the masterpiece of us Protestants, — being itself six hundred and thirteen feet and a half long. I saw no comparison made with the Cathedral of Seville, and on expressing my surprise thereat was coolly informed by the guide that they had never heard in Rome of any such structure. As I have said, we do not realize its magnitude at once. We glance about without being awed, — in fact, almost without being impressed, — and deem it to be only a fair-sized pile, till in making some examination we discover how grossly we have deceived ourselves, and then its vastness and grandeur break upon us. OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 2T7 Passing along the nave, after many steps we presently stand beneath the great dome. Panegyric has been exhausted in attempting to describe the sublimity of this marvelous work. It gives but the skeleton of a concep- tion of it to say that it is a hundred and thirty-nine feet in diameter, and that the altitude from the pavement to its summit is four hundred and five feet. The vault is adorned with gilded stucco ornaments and mosaics, bold and exaggerated in execution in order that they may be defined at that great height, but softened into beauty by the distance. Around its base is inscribed in letters six feet long that passage of Scripture on which the Catholic Church so greatly relies for its exaltation of the apostle Peter: Tu es Petrus, et super hanc petrani sedijicabo ecclesiam meam, et tihi dabo claves regni coelorum. But the dome as seen from the interior, vast as it is, is but an inner shell, for surrounding it is another dome a hun- dred and ninety-five feet and a half in diameter, and between the two runs a stairway by which an ascent may be made to the ball and cross that crown the whole. Pour enormous piers, two hundred and fifty-three feet in circumference, sustain this " Pantheon in the air." Be- neath the dome rises grandly the baldachin, or canopy of the high altar, composed largely of bronze which, in obedience to a proclivity that we have frequent occasion to deplore in Rome, was ruthlessly torn from the Pan- theon ; and beneath the high altar, which is plain for so grand a temple, and in the subterranean church, is the sanctum sanctorum — the tomb reverenced as that of St. Peter. In front of the high altar is a large open crypt surrounded by a marble balustrade, in which is placed an imposing statue of Pius VI. in the attitude of prayer before the tomb. There are a multitude of chapels in St. Peter's, and these are especially vi^orthy of attention as displaying one of the most interesting features connected with the church, — the reproduction of celebrated paintings in mosaic. There are very few paintings proper in St. Peter's, but nearly every chapel is adorned with one or more of these mosaic copies, which, regarded merely in their mechanical aspect, are beautiful and wonderful. 24* 278 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS There is also a great array of sepulchral monuments, exhibiting this sombre sort of sculpture of various degrees of merit and under a diversity of designs, — some of them fantastical, some liyperbolical, and a few natural. They are erected principally to the memory of departed Popes, though other parties whose claim to be commemorated herein is not altogether unimpeachable have contrived to get their monuments smuggled in amongst the number. In obedience to the undying perversity of political opin- ions we have here, on a memorial to the last of the royal race of Stuarts, the Pretender, as his opponents stigma- tize hira, dignified by the title of James III., and his sons styled kings of England by implication ; while in the church below, where they lie buried, all three are assigned the sceptre under the explicit titles of James III., Charles III., and Henry IX. One of the prime objects of attraction in St. Peter's is that far-famed bronze statue which good Catholics so adore. These say that it is the similitude of the saint himself, and a most precious work wrought by holy hands in early Christian times ; but their enemies will have it that it is no more nor less than Jupiter, the hea- then, unchivalrously discrowned and transfigured, and made to personate his mighty rival and subduer. But be he St. Peter or St. Jupiter, there he sits black and rusty on a marble chair, with his foot stuck well to the front and, with all respect be it spoken, of a decidedly unchristian, ungainly, and unprepossessing presence. Notwithstanding, however, that his appearance is so against him be is regarded with the utmost veneration, and the faithful deem it a paramount duty on entering the church to press their foreheads against his foot and kiss the toe that presents itself so complacently to their lips. It is said that he has been kissed stump-toed by centuries of osculation; but the crowd pressing around him was so large that I was unable to verify the state- ment. Most of those whom I saw making the salutation were priests; and I was scandalized by observing the unseemly efforts these holy men made to squeeze in before each other. A young priest, I noticed, over-sen- fSible of his unworthiness, was outfianjied iDOre than a OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 279 dozen times by his self-righteous and more obtrusive brethren. Owing' to the interposition of certain red-tape restric- tions we were prevented from carrying out that part of the programme which requires the visitor to descend into the damps of the charnel-house below and ascend to the giddy summit of the dome above, — whereby we escaped being poisoned by sepulchral vapors in the one, and being hurled down in apoplexy from the other. Seats were being erected and other preparations going on in the body of the church for the reception of the CEcumenical Council which had been summoned to con- vene here ; and I am not surprised to learn since that several who came to the convocation and sat all day in this barn of a place, listening to and talking Latin in the depth of winter, have yielded up the ghost. St. Peter's stands on the right bank of the Tiber, amidst a jumble of other buildings. The usual approach to it takes us by the Castle of St. Angelo, — whilom the Tomb of Hadrian, now the Pope's earthly tower of strength, — whose cannon, however, are almost exclu- sively used to bellow forth his glory and honor and to assist in operating the somewhat complex machinery of the Catholic ritual. As we cross the river, if we turn our heads and look down the stream, we shall see one of the most impressive sights tliat Rome can show, — the melancholy relics of the bridge called the Triumphal, the prescribed pathway over which her heroes marched in glorious procession into the city. 1 do not intend to enlarge on the churches, but I must say a few words about St. Paul's without-the-city, which is, I think, the most pleasing church I ever entered. It is the successor of one of the oldest Christian temples in the world, which after standing for nearly fifteen hundred years was almost utterly consumed by fire in 1823. Though there is much to be done to it yet, it is sutti- ciently near completion to give the visitor an adequate idea of the character and scope of its design. No place of worship I have seen can compare with it for elegant splendor combined with majestic simplicity. It exhibits one of the rare instances in ecclesiastical architecture 280 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS- where a profusion of material has been tastefully wrought up. Instead of lavishing his resources on de- tails, the architect has concentrated them on the erection of a noble colonnade of eighty Corinthian columns, each of a single piece of granite, with marble capitals, ar- ranged in four rows extending the length of the edifice between the nave and aisles ; and no one who has not beheld it can conceive the grandeur of this simple plan. The baldachin over the high altar, itself a magnificent work, is sustained by four columns of alabaster, each of which is also a single piece, fraternally presented to Pope Gregory XVI. by that chivalric old heathen man, Mehemet Ali, Yiceroy of Egypt. A striking character- istic of this church is the extensive series of portraits of the Popes done in mosaic, which is intended to include all of them, beginning with St. Peter and running on in secula seculorum. With all its magnificence it is likely that this church will never have a flourishing congregation, for, in the first place, it is entirely out of town, — so that none but the very pious are going to journey so far to attend divine service ; and in the second place, those who go are ex- tremely apt to be struck down in the flower of their piety by the chills which make the neighborhood accursed. I must at least mention the church of St. Agnes with- out-the-city, — worthy to be visited as the best represent- ative of the ancient churches now left at Rome, and especially memorable as the scene where a mighty miracle was wrought in this our day. It appears that Pope Pius IX. being by some chance hereabouts one afternoon in the year of grace 1854 was invited within by the brethren who tabernacle here to partake of some refreshment. While at meat with divers dignitaries of high degree in the ecclesiastical, civil, and military services, all uncon- scious of what was coming, or rather going, — lo, the floor broke down and the Sovereign Pontiff, the dignitaries of degree, the holy brotherhood in waiting, the crockery and the victuals, all slid into the cellar together. And now, behold the miracle ! St. Peter descending interposed, and leaving the rest of the assembly to shift for themselves clamped his worthy successor ; and, albeit he is of a OF A DOCTOR OF FHYSIC. 281 portly make, let him down as gently as two hundred- weight of feathers on the soft carcasses of those below, — so that, while sundry of his festal companions were sorely bewildered, becripplod, and begreased, His Holiness was scarcely soiled. All these particulars are matters of record, for they are preserved in an admirable fresco painted on the wall in commemoration of the event, which faithfully represents the table upsetting and the dishes and contents slipping off, while the dignitaries are rearing and kicking, perfectly demoralized, — one in espe- cial being seen making furiously for a window grated too closely to let out a cat, — the whole forming a most thrill- ing picture, on which I gazed in rapture, for I am not insensitive to humorous subjects seasonably presented. St. Peter looms powerfully in the fresco amid the wreck of household and kitchen furniture, — though our guide, who was a witness of the catastrophe, does not remember seeing him, unless, indeed, that gendarme whom he saw hauling Pius out of the ruins was the apostle in disguise. Be this as it may, however, Pius himself, who is natu- rally the best judge in the matter, is satisfied that a special miracle was performed in behalf of his corporal salvation, and in. grateful recollection of it he has repaired and adorned the edifice, and having in particular confirmed and immovably established the flooring goes thither every year to offer up thanksgiving for the great deliverance. But while he thus unequivocally shows his own estimate of the afTair it is but just to add that I have heard that the dignitaries whose heads were cracked and shins barked do not think it was so mighty much of a miracle after all. The basilica of the Lateran is one of the most famous churches of Rome, but I will only say of it that I there saw the identical well of the Woman of Samaria, dug up and brought over by some pious hand, — or, at any rate, they show the marble curb of it ; and also a table mark- ing the height of Christ, being six feet high. Connected with this church is the celebrated Scala Santa, or sacred stairway, belonging originally, they say, to Pilate's house, and by which the Saviour descended from the judgment- hall, No foot is allowed to tread these steps, but whoever 282 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS wishes to ascend must do so on his knees. It is deemed a potent means of grace to do this, and at all times there can be seen several penitents making their way to the top in this fashion, presenting a curious, an uncouth, yea, a humiliating spectacle — i.e. to us Protestants, stiff- kneed and incredulous generation that we are. I per- ceived one prayerful old man, a "poor child of Doubt and Death, whose hope was built on reeds," with the rheumatism, or some other impediment in his joints, des- perately toiling on, triumphing the more abundantly for the difficulties that clogged his progress, and working an amount of damage to his articular structures that a whole dozen of opodeldoc would scarce undo. The attrition of innumerable knee-pans long ago threatened to utterly grind away the original marble of the steps, and they were planked over to save them, — since which time three suits of plank have been rubbed out. Let us leave the churches and next turn our attention to the Vatican. But who is long-winded enough to fully describe this, and who is long-suffering enough to read the description ? How can I be expected to recount all I saw in four thousand four hundred and twenty-two rooms? — not, indeed, that I really entered that many, but that is the number in the Vatican, and we went into enough of them to come out dazed and mystified beyond recapitulation. Let it suffice to say that we gazed upon myriads of paintings — though what they were i do not remember, except that I know from the accounts of my predecessors that many of them are great masterpieces of art which once seen can never be forgotten ; also, an incalculable quantity of feet, legs, arms, and hands of statues, and even whole ones, whose execution it may be lawful for the present race of sculptors to hope to imitate but is madness to aspire to rival, and which haunt the memory like some beatific vision — though what they were like has almost slipped 1113^ recollection. We saw, moreover, a vast accumulation of very indiiferent-looking pieces of stone called Roman antiquities, the scrapings of old graveyards and such places which the unhallowed hands of resurrectionists have rooted up and carted hither from the last resting-places of those ancient defuncts who OF A DOCTOR OF rilYSIC. 283 were so unfortunate as to have been put away in some- thing of style. Furthermore, we were trotted through an immense and most precious library of some forty thousand books and twenty-four thousand manuscripts in Turkish, Coptic, Chinese, Sclavonic, etc., not one of which we were allowed to read. Would that I had the memory of an ostrich that I might be able to relate, and my reader the ears of an ass that he might be able to take in, but a thousandth part of the wonders that are here displayed! But, alas ! almost the only thing 1 distinctly remember is the sight I obtained of the rare and costly gifts bestowed upon the Holy Father by the kings and princes who in these patricidal times remain dutiful sons of the Church, — or, let me more correctly say, my attempt to get a sight of them, for my remembrance of the treasures themselves is likewise miserably misty. The kingly offerings were kept in an apartment to them- selves, where they lay in state, only a limited number of persons being allowed to behold them at the same time, and an obdurate janitor standing at the door to admit the spectators in turn. This apartment became a point of special attraction, and a large crowd collected there, a goodly part of it, you may be sure, being constituted of the justly denominated soft sex, who, as every man se- cretly believes, — and they can't intimidate me into sup- pressing the fact, — will suffer themselves to be compressed till the\^ are solidified for a glimpse at a piece of jim- orackery. Naturally, under these circumstances, there was a good deal of pressure, and not a little counter- pressure. As for me, I maintained strictly an armed neu- trality, making no aggressions whatever, but being con- tent with holding my own. While thus comporting myself in a most placable, in- offensive manner, of a sudden a great surge vibrated through the assembly, whereby a little Italian gentleman, standing with a lady directly in front of me, was goaded into a frenzy, and, falling straightway into a paroxysm of maniacal convulsions, began kicking up behind and be- fore, and especiall}^ butting backwards into me individ- ually with surpassing venomousness. No candid person, I am certain, would see anything but the merest dictate 284 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS of self-pvotection in the upraising of my leg and the pro- jecting forth of my foot in the manner of a cow-catcher, — an expedient which I adopted, and which checked up the little Italian gentleman with the most gratifying thor- oughness. No candid person would condemn this proceeding, — nevertheless it wonderfully stirred up the bile and acri- mony of a gallant, hot-faced man of London, who stood in the crowd with his hat on the back of his head view- ing the scene with the steady dignity of a fat statue. Said the gallant, hot-faced man of London to me, " Aren't you hany manners ? Wot are you a shovin' of 'im fer ? Don't you see the gent must purtect 'is missus from bein' smashed? You a Ilinglishman and do sich a thing! — fer shame !" Now, this was too bad. It was sufBciently irritating for a passive recipient of injury to be denounced as an active aggressor, but for a citizen of the great and free Repuldic of America to be accounted a subject of the old, tyrannical monarchy of Britain was absolutely intol- erable. As the reader of course knows, from what I have heretofore candidly told him of myself, I am a man pre-eminently possessing all the kindly traits and gentler virtues of humanity, — and it has been observed by the sages that the wrath of a long-suffering man is terrible. So the man of London found it, for I fell foul of him with a surprising force of language, denjing utterly any com- plicity in the shoving, and especially repelling with al- most inarticulate indignation his atrocious assumption of fellow-citizenshij). lie withdrew both charges, and was so captivated with the great spirit I had displayed as to propose that we should consolidate ourselves against the crowd who were pressing savagely in rear; but I de- clined the coalition, bidding him shove behind if he were so minded, but for my part, I told him, I now meant to push to the front. In the mean time, those in the vicinity had taken the matter up in Italian, French, and English, and for a time it was as if the thunders of the Vatican had bursted amongst us. At this juncture the door opened, the con- course fermented violently, and the little Italian witii the OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 285 lady had another awful (it. In dancing about hi.s charg:e with the intention of keeping me back, he missed his own opportunity of entering, and at the same time bestowed upon me an auspicious side-long butt with so much heart- felt energy as to knock me clean to the door, through which I passed triumphantly ; and, as the j)ortal closed, I saw him dancing with undiminished vi"or. CHAPTER XXII. The Relics of the Ancient City. Having acquitted myself in some sort of my obliga- tions to the ecclesiastical structures, I propose now to cast a glance at some of the objects whose glories are of another day. And, first of all, let us betake ourselves to the Capitol. Climbing the steep we are confronted by an assemblage of statues and monuments, including two lions. Castor and Pollux holding their horses, the first and seventh milestones belonging to the Appian Way, and the admirable bronze equestrian statue of Marcus Aure- lius, a relic of ancient art which has been spared to us from the anti-pagan zeal of the middle age professors of our faith by the fortunate liallucination that induced the good people to revere it as the semblance of the Christian emperor Constantine. We now find ourselves in a square which is surrounded on three sides by massive but unim- pressive buildings; and we wonder which of these three edifices is the Capitol. We conclude that the central one is, — firstly, because it is in the middle, and secondly, be- cause it has a high tower sticking out of its roof. And then we sorrow to behold so poor a representative of the ancient structure, — that stately pile whose grandeur we have so often pictured to our imagination, and which, mayhap, in our enthusiam we have even denationalized ourselves so far as to conceive almost as resplendent as our own unmatchable conglomerate at Washington. 25 280 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS But, in Rootb, it nppoars that neither of these tliree is tlie Capitol, there l)eing no such edifice now in existence. ]f there be any which is worthy to be deemed such, it is the central building aforesaid, both on account of its po- sition and tower aforesaid, and especially on account of the fact that therein sits the solemn court of police to try drunk and disorderly Romans. Yet, though it is not the Capitol itself, it may be assumed with as much certainty as we can ever attain to in Rome that it at least occu- pies the site of the Capitol ; and in poking about in its cellar we were shown certain stones which we were posi- tively assured were the substructions of its illustrious predecessor. As we wandered about the spot, therefore, we experienced something of a sensation from the tolera- ble certainty that beneath our feet was ground made fa- mous by great men and great deeds ; that here the long line of the three hundred laureled victors had come one by one to consummate their triumph, and that where wo stood historic Gaul and Goose had stood before us. The central building is known as the Palace of the Senator. Excepting its tower, which affords a grand and instructive panoramic view of the surrounding coun- try, it has nothing of especial interest about it. On the right-hand side of the space stands the Palace of the Conservators, these Conservators being a species of City Fathers. Herein is a suite of rooms devoted to illustrious Italians, where their busts are displayed for the titillatiou of the natives and the dumbfounding of such foreigners as have rashly concluded that Italy has been decaying since the glorious old Roman times. And, really, I was not prepared for the magnitude of the spectacle, for it indicated that this ancient land has always been as full of great men as a superannuated cheese is of skippers. The Palace also contains a fair supply of heads, hands, and feet pertaining to bronze and marble worthies, as well as entire busts and statues of other worthies — most of which have been identified by the antiquarians, gen- erally by intuition. It boasts, also, an accumulation of old vases and pots, and a gallery of pictures, comprising scriptural subjects mostly; but though the pictures are numerous, they are said by those versed iu such things OF A DOCTOR OF TIIYSIC. 287 to be of inflifferent execution. The rooms, nine in num- ber, especially set apart for the City Fathers are deco- rated with frescoes representing events in early Roman history, and are enlivened with busts of the departed, sarcophaguses, sculptures of the gates of hell, bronze ducks, etc., and in them are contained the Fasti Con- sulares, very interesting antiques, being a list of the office-holders of the ancient city; as, likewise, the stand- ard measures of the present day, inclusive of the standard sturgeon, whose length limits that of such of this delight- ful fish as it is lawful for common fishers to take for their own behoof, — all in excess of the statutory dimensions being confiscated and devoured in the name of the Senate and People of Rome by the Fathers themselves. The old pots and vases above mentioned are also a part of the adornments of these apartments; but, above all, they hold the Bi'onze Wolf of the Capitol. This celebrated relic of the olden time shows a she-wolf standing in a posture of defiant vigilance, with the little Romulus and Remus ravenously sucking the milk of conquest; and it at once awakens the active interest of the beholder independently even of its claims on the score of antiquity and the legend it illustrates, for, while the maternal ferocity exhibited rather chills us, our hearts yearn with tenderness as we gaze on the little black, up- turned faces and little, rusty, outstretched arms of the poor, hungry innocents. A father of a family might well melt in sympathy with the touching picture; and, even I, contemplating the unwonted magnanimity of the wolf, was encouraged, and entertained a momentary thought of risking myself with a wife. Fearful have been the contests amongst the learned in the struggle to identify this image with all the images of wolves mentioned in ancient history. Some say it is that wolf spoken of by Dionysius and Livy. Some say nay, it is that wolf re- ferred to by vainglorious Cicero in detailing the marvel- ous works wrought in his consulship by the immortal gods — among the marvels a prominent one being the striking of the said wolf with lightning; and these point triumphantly to the marks yet visible, especially a frac- ture of the leg, as irrefragable proof of the solvency of 288 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS their opinion. Some say, a.traiu, that it is neither of these wolves separately, but both of them conjointly ; and there are not wanting others who say that the frac- ture of the leg was not clone by lightning at all, but is attributable to the natural frailty of legs under undue stress and pressure. Dense-brained and thick-headed men have gone mad and burned to tear the eyes out of their adversaries' sockets for misuse of their vision in discussing this momentous topic; sure, therefore, it is not meet for me to say what I think of it. On the opposite side of the square from the Palace of the Conservators is the Museum of the Capitol. This is filled with statues, busts, altars, sculptures, sarcophaguses, inscriptions, urns, vases, nondescript stones, and such like, in mass and pulverized, too numerous and diverse even to be mentioned. I will specify only that renowned w^ork, the Dying Gladiator, so called — he that Byron saw before him lie. He has a rope around his ueck, and a horn is near his hand. He is down and about to die, but he holds himself up for a little while. In all respects the attitude and expression of the figure are most truth- ful. There is no difference of opinion amongst the critics concerning this statue except the everlasting and inevi- table one as to what it is intended to portray. Our fathers died in the absurd belief tliat it was a dying gladiator, as its name betokens ; but we, wiser in our generation, have positively settled it to be an expiring Greek, a herald by profession, — as witness his horn. There can be no manner of doubt that our children will establish it on an immov- able basis to be something else, — as witness the rope. I know nothing better fitted to impress the salutary lesson of the mutability of human affairs than these Roman relics. As we meditate upon their transversations from age to age and year to year we are irresistibly borne down by the overwhelming realization that this is, indeed, a world of change, and that, of a verity, not anything is certain. I had a vehement yearning for a sight of the Tarpeian Rock, the brink of the Roman rebel's last ditch, which it is claimed is somewhere in this neighborhood. More complaisant than usual, the guide showed me two of OF A DOCTOR OF mYSIC. 289 them. The one I saw to most advantage was approached by raiding into some man's back-yard, and to his manifest surprise. He came forth and stared hard at me, and so did his wife and family of small children. Under their rigid surveillance, I stretched my neck and gazed dili- gently up as directed ; but, if I saw anything, I have forgotten what it looked like. In the valley at the foot of the Capitoline Hill was the Roman Forum, occupying the site now called — alas, for the degenerating power of time ! — the cow-lot {campo vaccina). It is inexpressibly mournful to think of this degrading change of nomenclature, and it becomes yet sadder as we feel that this example proclaims what may in the lapse of time be the fate of our own high places. How lamentable is the apprehension that in future ages the site of our own most glorious Capitol may be known as the ass-fold ! — and yet, who can doubt the reasonable- ness of the fear? Somewhere in this cow-lot — but the antiquaries have whipped the boundary marks hither and thither so often that nobody knows exactly where — the Clays, and Websters, and George Francis Trains of the period thundered ; and in this cow-lot the Sovereign People again and again assembled to pass resolutions, adopt platforms, nominate candidates, and save the coun- try ; and since an assembly of the Sovereign People has been the same thing from the foundation of the woiid to the present epoch, we cannot question that over and over again, in expressing the sense of the meeting, the families residing in the vicinity were howled into distraction, lamps demolished, stove-pipes torn down, and the lot inundated with tobacco-juice. The Sovereign People, or some other malign agency, has made a thorough wreck of it, and no man now is certain of the location of anything excepting the Signors Roriborialli and Pochinozi and their disci- ples, who, indeed, know everything, but, unfortunately, are as diametrically as the poles opposed in their knowl- edge. A few battered and time-worn columns and frag- ments of stone, giving forth ambiguous responses to his questioning, are all that remain for the general observer to note, but the bare place itself is all-sufficient to evoke 25* 290 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS recollections which will speak to him with an eloquent power that needs no visible aid to enforce it. From the Forum we may pass to that other and stu- pendous wreck, the Coliseum. Despite the demolitions and neglect to which this enormous structure has been so long subjected, and the fact that time after time, for a space of nearly two centuries, its walls were resorted to for building materials, a third of it yet remains to startle the mind with the idea of what it must have been when it stood in all its vastness and splendor. It covers an area of almost six acres, and, as was the case with amphitheatres generally, is elliptical in form, the arena being two hundred and seventy-eight feet long in the greater diameter and one hundred and seventy-seven in the lesser. As applied to the whole building these di- mensions become five hundred and eighty-four and four hundred and sixty-eight feet respectively. It has four stories, three of them formed of arches, and with a tier of seats to each story, and it is stated that it could accommo- date eighty-seven thousand persons. The performances here were inaugurated by Titus with a brilliant season extending over more than three months. His exhibitions on this opening occasion were gotten up with a lavish expenditure of money and beasts, five thousand of the latter having been disbursed. His suc- cessors were not behind him in zealous catering for the public amusement. Under their management lions, bears, boars, elks, zebras, ostriches, and men were kept contin- ually fluttering, fussing, and fighting in the arena. But while slaughter was their ultimate aim they made some effort to have it done in a scientific and aesthetic manner. With this view they brought into requisition what little mechanical art the rapidly degenerating period could afford. Thus, at times, they had the arena set forth with an artificial forest, that the animals might feel at home and so be nerved to the acme of conibativeness by the beguiling thought that they were striking for their altars and their fires. At another time the vast space was transformed into a lake, on whose surface a ship would ba made to sail, so contrived that it would presently open and turn out a multitude of ferocious monsters, mortal OF A DOCTOR OF PIIYSW. 291 enemies of one another, and then shutting itself up quietly, move oif, leaving them adrift to settle it amongst themselves. From all accounts the slaughter of varmints at these exhibitions must have been prodigious. But the prime attraction was the gladiatorial combats. At times the sacrifice of men almost vied with that of animals. The emperor Probus set three hundred pairs of fencers to fighting, and kept them at it to the death. But while the recollection of these things stirs the mind of the traveler as he treads the arena, most impressive of all is the knowledge that these walls have witnessed the agony and this earth has drunk the blood of countless Christian men and women ; and he will not resist the feeling of reverence and thankfulness excited by the sight of the cross that rises in the midst to consecrate the place where they w^ere butchered to make a Pagan holiday and show the triumph of the faith for which they died. For four or five hundred years the Coliseum continued the scene of these disports with man and beast. Many of the animals that figured in the lists were of a sort sel- dom seen in Rome, and of which very little was known; hence it has been reasonably surmised that these shows were countenanced by the respectable and intelligent portion of the community purely with a view to the fur- therance of the study of natural history — ^just as in our day many irreproachable Christian ladies and gentlemen attend the menagerie-circus altogether, as is well known, to perfect themselves in zoological knowledge. When at length an itinerant preacher, bent upon doing good out of season, was slain in the arena, whither he had penetrated for the purpose of admonishing a couple of red-hot gladi- ators on the impropriety of their conduct, the sentiments of the authorities underwent a radical and most salutary change, and the brutal exhibitions were forever abolished. The glory of the Coliseum having no longer any patron to foster it departed, and the building itself was left to battle unaided against the assaults of time. One of the most celebrated relics of ancient Rome is the Pantheon, remarkable alike for its architectural beauty and grandeur and for its invincible tenacity of existence 292 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS under the persistent eiforts of man and the elements to destroy it. Fire, water, wind, and dirt have exhausted their malice upon it, and it has time and as^ain been robbed of its metal- and marble-work by Goth, Vandal, and Pope. Houses have been built against it and shan- ties in it, and the architects of these hovels scrupled not to break away any part of it that interfered with the symmetry of their edifices. Yet, it has withstood all this. Its beauty has in all ages commanded for it pro- tectors and adorners, each one protecting and adorning it according to his own notions of how this should be done, the consequence beii»g an awful conglomeration of styles and tastes. It has withstood all this, too; and now remains the best preserved as well as one of the most imposing of the ancient structures. In the Pantheon are the tombs of several noted artists. It had been stated for a long time that the bones of the illustrious painter Raphael rested here, — all except his skull, which was preserved and exhibited with religious veneration by the Academy of Fine Arts, otherwise of St. Luke. The antiquaries, however, were not satisfied with this statement, and they proceeded diligently to work to investigate and rectify the matter. The upshot of this rectification was that men's minds were so unhinged that common people knew not what to believe about it. As for the antiquaries themselves, of course there was no cloudiness in their ideas, — one set being as certain as that they were alive that Raphael was buried there, and the other being as sure as that they would die that he was not, — and under these respective convictions they argued powerfully with each other. There is nothing more deplorable than disputes be- tween learned men, for it is impossible to set a limit to the evil that directly and indirectly springs from them. On the present occasion the most honorable Society of Antiquaries contrived, unwittingly I am sure, to deal so grievous a blow upon a sister society as to leave it sore and touchy even to this day. The admirable science of Phrenology was then in its infancy and eagerly seeking facts in every quarter to sustain itself. It had ransacked all the anatomical rau- OF A DOCTOR OF PHTSIC. 293 seunis in Europe, and fingered every skull it could lay its paws on. It had pounced upon Raphael's in the Academy of St. Luke among the very first, and to its joy found it to yield absolutely irrefragable proofs of the soundness of its doctrines. Had there been given to it power to make a painter's skull in perfect accordance with the principles of the new philosophy it would needs have modeled it identically after this one. There was the bump of Ideality to conceive the subject, of Form to limn it down artistically, and of Color to daub it glow- ingly, — all as prominent and bulgy as if they had been raised by the thump of a ten-pound muller. Nothing was ever seen more conclusive, and the advocates of Phrenology held the skull aloft in triumph, and the opponents turned their eyes from it in dismay. Now it fell out at last that the functionaries of the city became so worked up, bewildered, and uneasy, through the argumentation of the antiquaries that to calm their nerves they were impelled to open the reputed tomb and settle the dispute by ocular inspection. It was knocked to pieces accordingly, when behold ! there lay Raphael, skull and all ! — and all susceptible of identification beyond the shadow of a doubt even of an antiquary. We may well suppose that the academicians of St. Luke were distressed by this unhappy annihilation of their ven- erated relic ; but how can we realize the feelings of the unfortunate phrenologists, the innocent victims of a mis- erable wrangle in which they were never implicated! And will it be believed, that on top of this enormous injury, which, as I have said, I am willing to think unintentional, the antiquaries have actually gone to work and wantonly proved that the academical skull belonged to a man with really next to no gifts at all ! When an old Roman had done with the business of the Forum and the pleasures of the Coliseum, and his days were numbered, it was a great point with his rela- tions and friends to have him decently interred ; and there are numerous monuments remaining to show how sumptuously and substantially those who died seized of much possessions were laid away. But Time the Ever- lasting Gnawer, beneath whose adamantine fangs even 294 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS files give away, has made havoc with these grand mau- soleums. Of the majority of them scarce more than a vestige is left. Some have come to base uses, as that of Augustus, where ouce reposed the ashes of many a mighty and honored personage, which has dwindled away, degenerating as it dwindled, first into a fortress, then into a bull-ring, and now what is left of it is em- ployed as an exhibition hall for acrobatic feats on the tight-rope and jim-crow performances. The tomb of Ha- drian, likewise, was put on a war-footing at an early period, the statues which adorned it having been used as ammunition against the heads of Gothic besiegers, and it has remained a military stronghold ever since, being the Castle of St. Angelo of the present day. What has become of its original owner it would be hard to say, but Pope Innocent II. laid violent hands on his porphyry ash-urn and made off with it for his own behoof. Of all these sumptuously-lodged defuncts Caius Cestius has been much the most fortunate in his tomb, for his exec- utors were men well versed in sepulchral architecture, who had it built in the fashion of a pyramid, whereby its stal)ility under the destroying operation of natural agen- cies was provided for, and upon a plan that afforded no facilities for diverting it from its legitimate purpose, whereby mischievous interlopers were kept out. As a consequence it stands in good order and well-conditioned to this day. As for Caius himself, as of Cheops, his illus- trious predecessor in a pyramid, not a pinch of dust re- mains, and so of all the rest of those rich and honored men — their urns are empty. One of the most interesting of the tombs is that of Caecilia Metella, wife of Crassus, situated about two miles from the city on the Appian Way. It remains almost perfect, at least externally. It, too, was at times held as a fortress, for which its construction was well adapted, it being in the form of a circular tower, and built with ex- treme solidity and strength. The garrison surmounted it with a battlement, which still exists to show the war- like purposes it has subserved. To some it may seem in a measure unbecoming to be brawling and fighting in a woman's grave, but we survivors of our own war, of OF A DOCTOR OF FIIVSIC. 295 both political complexions, to whom was occasionally vouchsafed the unsjieakable mercy of contending with the enemy from behind the tombstones in a graveyard, will ask for time to consider before expressing an opinion on the point. I went in and inspected the interior of the structure. There was nothing to see. but a round hole filled with rubbish. In coming up out of the hole I was waylaid by two vicious old women, M'ho sternly de- manded to be reimbursed for the sight I had taken ; but holding that every man has an inalienable right to de- scend into the tomb gratis, I put myself in a posture of offense and fought my way through them. Besides the famous monuments of antiquity of which I have now made mention, there are numerous others at Rome, — arches, temples, columns, palaces, circuses, aque- ducts, baths, sewers, — which I must ignore lest I should be tempted to say too little, or else too much of them, and so endanger this beau-ideal of travel-books by the reproach of plagiarizing the plain preciseness of the house- for-sale advertisements, or the ornate sentiment of the Young Lady's Select Extracts. A word or two about that melancholy chaos, the Palace of the Caesars, and I have done. Begun by Augustus, the palace was enlarged, con- tracted, remodeled, and transformed in various ways by succeeding emperors, till Nero hung up his fiddle and his bow, after burning it down, as they say, and started it afresh, when it attained its acme, being made to take in an immense extent of ground. Then it became one of the most sumptuous of edifices. He formed of it a grand treasure-house, inestimably rich, where wei'e gathered the most precious productions of his empire. Of this " Golden House," as it was rightly called, the visitor will now behold hardly more than its primordial atoms that make the dust beneath his feet; and if he be a thoughtful man will gladly turn away his eyes from the sad spectacle, and, approaching the verge of the mount, relieve his bur- dened mind by contemplation of the extensive and im- pressive prospect that the point commands. Among the edifying objects included in the range of vision he may mark the gas-works and the Circus Maximus — a spot 296 TIIF. BOOK OF TRAVELS full of tender reminiscences, for here occurred the gob- bling up of the Sabine virgins. Truly, he may as well look afar as near, for very little satisfactory knovA'ledge will he get from peering at the Palace of the Caesars. The wrecks and crush of matter here scattered round past all identification have, of course, given rise to quan- tities of surmises, and we are constantly told that this dirt pile is supposed to be so-and-so, and that, thus-and- so, — but always with an air to impress us that the sup- position is merely a modest mode of expressing a well- settled fact. Naturally, this has been a great battle- ground of Roriborialli and Poehinozi the aforesaid. Peter Hose, otherwise Sign or Pietro Rosa, one of the most distinguished followers of Poehinozi, now holds absolute possession of the heights, and with consummate skill he has intrenched himself against all prospective assailants by the singularly efficacious plan of staking the place all over with sign-posts bearing his own designations, which are faced and strengthened with formidable references to the ancient writers. For terseness and beauty, and no less for accuracy, no description of these ruins can equal Byron's comprehen- sive summary : " Cypress and ivy, weed and wallflower grown Matted and massed together, hillocks heaped On what were chambers, arch crush'd. column strown In fragments, choked up vaults, and frescos steep'd In subterranean damps, where the owl peep'd Deeming it midnight: — Temples, baths, or halls? Pronounce who can ; for all that Learning reap'd From her research hath been, that these are walls — Behold the Imperial Mount! 'tis thus the mighty falls." OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 297 CHAPTER XXIII. Of Rome m its Modern Relations ; its Squares, Fountains, Picture- Galleries, Palaces, etc.; including Short Disquisitions on Art and Co- tenancy — Of certain Great Rejoicings going on thereat, and a Vision of the Woman of Babylon — Concluding with the Sorrowful Story of good little Santj' Tudwolley. Some of the Soverei,s;'n Pontiffs during their domination in the City of the Ctesars have suffered the ancient monuments to go quietly along to decay ; some have vigorously assisted them on the road to ruin; but many have generously stretched forth their hands and inter- posed to stay the cruel ravages of time. Besides looking after the old city, the more enlightened Pontiffs have paid some attention to the new. In their efforts tbey have had the powerful co-operation of the French, who at different times have associated themselves with them, souietimes as their very efficient friends and sometimes as their very disagreeable tormentors. This singular nation, as is well known, has an incurable penchant for fixing up and tricking out every people they overwhelm. The moment they have finished demolishing a place they set to work to bedeck it in the most tasteful manner, — a trait in which it must be confessed they display a deli- cacy and refinement of sentimeut akin to that wliich im- pels us to strew flowers upon graves. The Pontiffs, as is fit, have confined themselves mainly to the religious improvement of the city, — that is, they have built and repaired vast numbers of churches ; while the French have directed their attention mostly to secular matters, such as the laying out of squares, walks, etc., and the promotion of the public health and comfort. One of the squares much indebted to the French for its improvement is the Piazza del Popolo, and this being close to my abode was the one I most affected while I sojourned in Rome. It is situated at the edge of the modern city, in that quarter which foreigners generally 26 298 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS occupy, and at the foot of the Pincian Hill, which con- noisseurs in the sublime and beautiful ascend to see the glorious orb of day decline in the west. From one side radiate three streets, whose vistas the eve can take in at the same glance — the centre one being the celebrated Corso, which, commencing its career under the sanctify- ing influence of a church at each initial corner, proceeds for a mile or more till it stops at the Capitol. The right- hand one of the trio goes to the classic yellowish-dirt- colored Tiber, only a short distance off, and the other penetrates into the depths of the city. The great object of attraction, however, presented by the piazza is the Egyptian obelisk towering in the midst of it, which ori- ginally belonged to the Temple of the Sun at Heliopolis, but which was brought to Rome by Augustus, as here- tofore mentioned. Since his days it had fallen and become buried, but it was dug up and re-erected in this place by one of the Popes in 1587. It is cut from red granite and is about a hundred and twelve feet high, and is liberally bepictured with hieroglyphics. As appears from an in- scription upon it, Augustus when he set it up dedicated it afresh to the sun; but the Popes have abrogated and nullified this heathenish proceeding completely and con- firmed it to our faith by planting a cross firmly on the apex. In former days, and more particularly in former nights, this square was a most abominable place. It was well known then, though the lapse of time has caused it to be not so well known now, that the reprobate Nero was buried here under a big chestnut-tree ; and we have the best authority for saying that bis grave was a famous old doggery for sundry old crony evil spirits of his, where they used to meet to kick up and carouse, and that citi- zens passing thereby were incessantly holloed at, made fun of, and insulted by these unprincipled rowdies. The citizens complained of this thing very much, representing to Pope Pascal, that it was a shame, now that the city was regenerated to the true faith, for Christian people to have their feelings hurt in this way by a gang of low- l)red heatliens. Pope Pascal said he agreed with them, and would see if he could not put a stop to it. Accord- OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 299 ingly, be marshaled his ecclesiastical army, equipped it with crosses, holy-water, and axes, and sallied forth iu battle array against the enemy's tree. With his own hands he made the first dig at it, and the rest seconding him powerfully, in a little while the tree was demolished root and branch; and then something underneath it that looked very much as if it were Nero's ashes being hauled out, uplifted, and slung harum-scarum in the air, the work was done. The evil spirits, appalled by this majestic exhibition of the indignation of a righteous people, got away from there as fast as they could, and have never been back since. The spot was purified and an altar erected upon it, — and this was the beginning of the pres- ent church of Santa Maria del Popolo. Many of the squares are furnished with fountains, which are, indeed, very numerous, and form a conspicu- ous feature of modern Rome. Some of them are of very elaborate design, and, as a general thing, the more show they make the less the taste they display. A few are harmonious and imposing, and not a few are incongruous and tame. They all utter forth a sufficiency of water, of whose detergent properties there is no reason to doubt, and it is a pity and a shame that more of it is not made use of. It would be well worthy of reprehension were I, while treating of the existing characteristics of the Eternal City, to utterly ignore the galleries of paintings for which Rome is renowned and which make such a figure in the writings of my masterly predecessors. But, in truth, after all, the most I feel authorized to do is to give them a mere mention — an honorable mention. Whether I am actuated by real ignorance of art-matters, or only by false modesty in thinking myself ignorant, — whether by one or the other, — I have hitherto strongly intimated, and, in fact, said in so many words, and do now repeat most emphatically, that I know nothing about such things. It is, methinks, a little anomalous that this is so, for I am certainly not deficient in the poetic faculty, — as witness my " Lament^' oi\ receiving full thirty-nine lashes for disorderly demonstrations in the school-house ; nor do I lack imagination, for I have seen a good quality 300 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS of ghost. It is so, T believe, nevertheless. Doubtless it is unwise in me to make this acknovvledgment. I should do as many an eminent critic has done before me — im- agine inconceivable beauties in this picture, and point out imperceptible defects in that, and do it in high- sounding mystical technicalities. I should do this, and I am honestly certain that I could do it as effectively and with as much of the semblance of genuineness as most of the dilettanti; and you maybe sure I would do it, but that I am a plain, honest man, wanting in discreet- ness and worldly wisdom, — as you will readily credit when you know that I am poor — dog-poor. I looked at all the masterpieces because I fully realized that it was my solemn duty to do so, and I have never shirked my solemn duty. Not entirely comprehending what I was expected to do or how I ought to feel, I conscientiously imitated those who were proficient. I saw the experts plant themselves before a picture, generally of a woman, — the men delineations, even when saints and martyrs, were not so much stared at, — fold their arms, drop into a catalepsy, and gaze, and gaze, and gaze, for untold minutes. I cannot doubt that this proceeding gave them pleasure, for to think one's self pleased is to be pleased ; but I was not able to delude myself to the same extent. On adjusting my legs, arms, eyes, and hat to the ortho- dox positions, it would presently befall that my nether jaw would be irresistibly hauled away from its fellow, and then a cubit would seem to be added to my stature by the malignant elongation of a tit of the stretches. This peculiarity of impression made upon me by art- treasures was occasionally marked by some deep-dyed connoisseur, and with an air which showed that his mind was not altogether at ease about it; still, this cir- cumstance did not deter me from discharging my duty, — though, indeed, I discharged it with all seemly baste, and having done it came away with a great buoyancy of feeling, such as one alM^ays experiences when he has manfully acquitted himself of an obligation. To the wealth of pictures and sculptures left us by the old masters more is being constantly added. New masters and mistresses, too, from all the quarters of the OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSrC. 301 globe turning- Romewards like needles to the pole, are now camped there in droves, all daubing and chipping away for immortality. Their mode in general is to con- ceive an idea, please Heaven they can do so, or, if they cannot, to lay hands on one conceived by Shakspeare or Milton, or some other fertile man, and then hire some- body to materialize it. The daubers, it is true, from the peculiar requirements of their specialty are mostly under stress to do their own daubing ; but the chippers can readily procure professional stone-masons to chisel out anything they can imagine. It is a source of national pride to know that a very great many pounds and yards of the productions of the new masters are secured for the galleries of our own country, — for there is no such patron of the arts as an American w^hen he has got himself free of the sordid necessity of working for a living ; and it is pleasing to add that he becomes an unprejudiced patron, encouraging the arts for their own sake alone — any lump of stone that is symmetrical, and any bundle of canvas that is pictorial, eliciting his favorable consideration — a remark that I must, however, limit to some extent by the qualification that the lump be hewn and the bundle be smeared in Italy — Home of Art. The new masters are a most amiable and affable set of people, perfectly willing to receive visitors at tlieir studios and to listen to commendations of their works. I paid my respects to several of them, and can speak highly of their urbanity and readiness to unveil their treasures and whirl them about on revolving pedestals for my satisfaction. I also gratefully acknowledge the edifying insight I obtained into the manufacture of statuary by inspection of myths in their inchoate state of mud, and in their advanced condition of plaster of Paris. Some of their finished pieces were really very beautiful. At one or two studios I noticed several works on the stocks which had been ordered by certain patriotic citizens of our land, who, fearful lest the remem- iarance of the late aggravating rebellion might die out from among men, had taken steps to perpetuate the recollection thereof in marble. Mr. Lincoln figured co- lossally at one place in plaster of Paris, depictured with a 26* 302 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS copy of the emancipation proclamation on his knee and a vast reed pen u})lilted in his hand, and with an air of the profoundest preponderation upon his countenance — show- ing that he well merited the title of "Honest Old Abe" by the careful deliberation he exercised before disposing of so many million dollars' worth of other folks' property. If I were to say of this mass of plaster that it is a hard- looking production, the assertion would be attributed to partisan prejudice ; or, were I to say that it is admirable in conception and faultless in execution, 1 would not be trusted, for I have already confessed my unfitness to pronounce on such matters. I will, therefore, say nothing — and the more willingly because I understood that when the embodiment should be perfected it would be planted on the top of a house high enough to enable it to hold its own against all adverse critics who did not resort to the mean advantage of bringing it down with a spy-glass. Rome is richly supplied with palaces, wherein reside the over-plentiful magnates of the land. These magnates while very illustrious are also usually very economical, contenting themselves with a few of their ancestral halls for their own use, and renting out the rest as lodging- places for mankind, as well as stables for brutish beasts. As I have tested by experience, the abiding of sundry and distinct persons and animals in the same house does not inure to the highest development of that house. When, in the earlier days of my professional career, I had my office under the same roof with Mrs. Wodkins, — with Mr. Wodkins, commonly spoken of as the poor, old afflicted creature by Mrs. Wodkins, — with John Bunyan AVodkins and Patsy Geliny Wodkins, their son and daughter, — with Mrs. Ramshorne, otherwise the Old Reprobate; so invariably styled by Mrs. Wodkins, who waged everlasting war with her, on account of her belligerent and aggressive nature, — with Mrs. Rams- horne's small son and cat, — with Madam Oliphant, always called Elephint by Mrs. Wodkins, Astrologist, Phrenologist, and Ladies' Botanic Physician, — and with many more besides of lesser note, I well remember that the pulverization of window-glass, the deplastering of ■^alls, the transmutation of wash-boards and banisters into OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 303 fire-wood, the volatilization of the tops of chimneys, the mysterious disappearance of the back porch bodily, etc., moved our landlord at last to take the extraordinary step of making- proclamation that whoso of his tenants would depart into some other habitation should have entire re- mission of his or her arrears of rent, — amountinp; in most cases to full two years, — and I remember further that this proclamation being derided and scouted, he was in the end obliged to sell the tenants along with the house to the highest bidder. Were it germane to the subject I might mention in addition the domineering of the terrible Old Reprobate over the feebler portion of the co-tenantry — especially her occasional overthrowing of poor, old afflicted Mr. Wodkins and frequent putting to flight of Mrs. Wodkins, as well as the intolerable hinderances she threw in the way of Madam Oliphant's quiet contempla- tion of the heavenly bodies on the house-top and of her peaceable prosecution of the study of the occult sciences generally ; the regular incursions of the police, and the weekly presentation of the premises as a nuisance ; the anguish of spirit of the landlord, helplessly beholding his }»roperty jumping to destruction; the flat denials of his integrity morally, and the indecorous likenings of him to unclean beasts physically; the shakings of fists in his face ; the threats of kicks and projection from the summit to the base of the stairs, and grievous maimings and disfigurements, and other despiteful entreatments to which he was subjected when, making bold, he ventured thither to ask for his just dues ; my own mortal and ever-present dread lest I should somehow become an unwitting victim of the universal anarchy around me ; the periodical ruination of the stock of Moses Vhroghenschticher, dry- goods and merchant tailor, occupying the store below, by the bursting of the water-pipes from overstufBng with old rags, potato-peelings, and such like ; and a thousand other evils and calamities that sprang from this heterogeneous congregation. All of these things I might mention but refrain, hoping hereafter to give some little account of them in a large volume. The Roman palaces with their variety of occupants, it is true, have not suffered as much as did our habitation under similar 304 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS circumstances ; nevertheless, we find within them but an imperfect realization of the princely elegance and splendor which their grand and imposing exterior has led us to expect. The houses of Rome are generally tall, and the bal- conied window which is so much affected in Southern Europe is rife here. The majority of them are built in a plain but substantial style of architecture, such as in our newer country is approved of for jails. Some, however, are quite ornate, and tolerably free and airy. The streets are narrow and tergiversating, with scarce ever a sidewalk; and while I saw on them an overwhelming abundance of priests I met exceeding few beggars, — though there be some who would have us believe that these two classes of our fellow-creatures do increase and multiply parz pa.s8w. If the inhabitants engage in any heavy commercial transactions they do it in a very clandestine way, for their shops present a decided passiv- ity of aspect, the most prosperous of them apparently having less stock on hand and doing less business than one of our flourishing retail groceries. A perambulator about the city is obliged to conclude that Rome is dead, and that, unless his nasal organ be playing him false, she is rotten into the bargain. I would not speak aught of the afflicted but good. I deeply sympathize with the lone mother of dead empires and reverence her in her widowhood, and nothing would I utter that could anguish her aged brow. I therefore restrain myself and merely say that she is about the dismalest, nastiest, dirtiest, worst- flavored old hole 1 ever set foot in in all Christendom. At the period of my stay in Rome the city was in a notable state of commotion and jubilee. The perform- ances going on were part in honor of the saints and part in glorification of the Pope's own self, — certain great church festivals and fasts falling due at this time, and this also being the fiftieth anniversary of his Holiness's induction into the priesthood. Being myself a mere sojourner in the city and poorly skilled in churchly things, I found it difficult to discriminate between the divine and human phase of the ceremonies. I will, how- ever, give some account of them as far as they came OF A DOCTOR OF FIIYSIC. 305 under mj observation, and let the reader determine which was which for himself. I have already in recounting my journey to the city made reference to the snap-judgment that was served on us in the matter of the illumination of St. Peter's by doing the lighting up on Saturday night instead of Sun- day night, as per mutual understanding. The most noticeable feature of the Sunday celebration was the shutting up of the shops. In addition to this, when night came, several street-lamps had the usual plain gas- jets substituted by ornamental burners giving circular and spiral lines of flame, and looking very pretty. Some churches, also, had a sprinkling of paper lanterns hung to their fronts, and a few other places were in a measure illuminated. On the whole, however, the exhibition was very partial and imperfect, and seemed to indicate a seri- ous diversity of opinion as to the intent and meaning of the programme. Monday was the great day. ihe Pope's army, con- sisting of a brigade or so of French troops, all turned out to be reviewed, marching hither and thither up and down the streets, with an immense quantity of martial music, and with all the vagabonds in Rome at their heels and the aristocracy, resident and foreign, ourselves included, chasing them up in carriages, — making an intolerable rumpus and giving a magnificent idea of the power of the church militant. They subsided about three o'clock and we had peace for the space of an hour or two. But at the end of this time the Pope set forth on his annual thanksgiving journey to the church of St. Agnes without-the-city, where he had been miraculously preserved in the going down of the floor thereof, as hereinbefore related. Immense crowds collected to do reverence to his Holi- ness in his progress. We ourselves went forth to see him. We proceeded some distance out of the city till we reached a part of the road where we could have an unobstructed view. There we stood alone — my com- panion, the guide, and myself — and waited. Presently came rushing by a cardinal in a red blnze, and then an- other, and another. Next there was a surpassing dust 306 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS and to-do in front. And now, behold, the Woman of Baljylon herself has hoven in sight ! There she comes down the road, sitting upon a chariot drawn by four horses, and glorious exceedingly, being clad resplen- deutly in a white nightgown, clean shaven, and me- thought, of the semblance in a manner of the Hon. John Letcher, whilom governor of the Commonwealth of Virginia, though of a superior fatness. She came over green leaves strewed in her path, amid incantations intoned in Latin by a great multitude of orphan children collected in a choral band, and bestowing her benediction freely as she passed. As she neared us we removed our hats, and in return she stretched forth her hands and gave us a whole blessing to ourselves. Really wishing to testify ray respect in a becoming fashion, I did what was perhaps not the most rational thing 1 might have done, but the only thing that occurred to me on the spur of the moment— I uplifted my arm and in reciprocation of her benediction waved her the military salute, as I had been wont to wave it in my fighting days when doing honor to the magnates of the rebel host. We subsequently ascertained that on reaching St. Agnes' Church she was prevailed on to allow her toe to be kissed, but, unfortunately not being aware that this priv- ilege would be accorded we failed to pursue her, and so missed participation therein. She went her ways, and we went ours, and that night when we were ensconced in bed the fleas, drawn to our newly-sanctified carcasses in unparalleled numbers, fell on with thrice-envenomed tooth and wellnigh destroyed us from the face of the earth. That night there was a most gorgeous display of fire- works and illuminations. The partial exhibition of the preceding night was now completed in all its details, and much more than that had promised was done besides. All the street-lamps flamed in circles and spirals. The church-fronts generally were hung with paper lanterns, and so were numbers of the private buildings. Enor- mous frames representing facades of temples had been erected in the squares, and now had all their architect- ural features delineated by thousands of little lamps. OF A DOCTOR OF rilYSIC. 30t The fountains were in a blaze, and the obelisks were fes- tooned and wound from top to bottom with fillets of light. Ingenious and beautiful pyrotechnic devices were set off at various places both on the land and water, and on the Tiber especially, near our flea-ridden lodging-house, there was a grand farago of aquatic fireworks of peculiar splendor. The whole population was out to see the show, — the poor and rational on foot, tiie rich and irra- tional in carriages, — and the narrow streets were crammed, rammed, and jammed with people and vehi- cles. The city seemed freshened by the shower of light, everything was orderly and everybody was happy, com- paratively few persons were run over, and those who were shoved into the river, by virtue of the lowness of its banks, were pulled out readily. Other pageantries occupied the remaining days of the week, but their nature was mostly of a sort not easily grasped by the uninstructed mind. They were hidden mysteries to me, wherefore I shall not say aught con- cerning them. Much to my regret circumstances prevented me from cultivating the distant acquaintance I had formed with His Holiness when on his way to the church of St. Agnes. I therefore can give but little information re- specting him of my personal knowledge. But I have been assured by Englishmen — unexceptionable author- ities — who have been thrown in contact with him that he is one of the most amiable of men, — beaming, benev- olent, and waddling when he walks, and praying daily for the return of wandering Britain to the fold. His greatest fault is being too religious, despising worldly affairs altogether and setting his thoughts exclusively on heavenly things. Thus, he neglects Old Rome for the New Jerusalem, and cares not a copper how a citizen fares in the one so he can secure for him the freedom of the other, and if he gets it for him thinks the sooner he vacates his old and moves into his new quarters — why, the better for him. Hence he supplies his children abun- dantly with churches, and holds out inducements to any pestilence that wishes to settle amongst them, — paying all heed to the cleausiu"- of the inner man and none at 308 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS all to the outer. The bulk of the children are, however, not sufficiently spiritualized to appreciate his motives. According- to their drossy conception of things the old man does not act well by them, and they meditate mis- chief against him. There is great and lamentable reason for surmising that but for the extraneous protection that has been thrown around him they would in their blind- ness turn unfilially upon the Holy Father and chase him out of their midst. I am now about to take leave of Rome, and in doing so let me, peradventure, shock my reader by the honest confession that I was very little affected by the sight of this renowned city, and have no vehement desire to see it again. How different would have been my feelings could I have trod its streets when I was some years younger — when my mind and heart were not so engrossed with the realities of the present as to be careless of the })hantoms of the past ! Amongst the saddest experiences of life are the changes of feelings and tastes that we un- dergo as we creep on in age, — made yet more sad, and unspeakably provoking withal, in that very commonly it happens so soon as we have lost a particular taste the means are thrust upon us for gratifying it. When I wanted to go to Rome, above all things in the world, I was utterly debarred from it ; now that I had no care whether 1 saw it or not I was surfeited with the sight of it. Sad, indeed, and, alas, ofttimes momentous, are these changes of taste wrought by the lapse of years, as an occurrence of this very day has brought forcibly to my mind, and the circumstances of which I yearn to relate ; for, albeit 1 tell a sorrowful thing, I yet in a manner am heartened by it, because I find in it assurance that this mournful alteration is not all of it in me alone. Many years ago, when I was treating good little Santy Tudwolley for the cholera-morbus, how well I remember with what delighted interest I used to sit and listen to the relation of his constancy and fervor in virtue's ways as recounted by his admirable mother. She told me how, awaking to a realizing sense of the exceeding enormity of sin in which he had l)een conceived and the appalling mass of iniquity in which he had been born, he had re- OF A DOCTOR OF FIIYSIC. 309 cently become converted and joined the cliurch ; and also how, seeing- an inebriated fellow-creature sing-ing- songs of rejoicing and diincing the double-shutfle in the public highway, he had been moved to associate himself in brotherhood with the Sons of Temperance, and was now become the MostGrand Worthy Patriarch of all the junior divisions of the order in the district. She told me further of the horrible temptations and dreadful persecutions to which he was subjected on account of his religion — how his fellov\^-boys strove night and day to subvert his faith, cajoling, urging, and commanding that they might pro- cure him to utter the ensnaring word " mill-c/a??!," and how he held out steadfast, even unto hootings most dia- bolical, chastisings most intolerable, and the splitting of the back of his roundabout most irrejiarable. Moreover, she told nie how, for temperance' sake, he had forsworn apples, because of the cider that lurks within them, and how, when he learned from Kornstork's p]lements of Chemistry that alcohol was an inevitable concomitant in the making of light-bread, he had that instant renounced light-bread forever and taken to l)atter-cakes ; and, in- deed, it was this change of diet that had brought him under my care. It is impossible to describe how I was affected by the recital of these traits. What a future is before this extraordinary youth, thought I ! He will never go to Congress or disgrace himself in any way, but will become a blessing to his race, and will finally go down peacefully to his rest in the bosom of some cannibal in a beautiful far-off' isle of the sea, — a model and ex- ample for all the rising generation to imitate and follow. Nay, I debated with myself whether it miglit not be im- puted to me as something of righteousness to cancel my charges against so exemplary a patient. At any rate, I summoned all my skill, gave him double rations of cal- omel, and cured him with dispatch. Time has flown since then over poor mediocre me and good little Santy Tudwolley, and the revolving years have rolled to-day's newspaper into my hands. My eye falls upon this item in the local column : " Still at it. — St. John Gough, alia>i Grognose, Tudwolley, young in years but old in crime, was again before Ids Honor yester- 27 310 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS day for the fortieth time on the standing cliarge of being drunk and disorderly in the streets, cursing the officers in heaps, and trying to tear their uniforms oQ" their backs. He stated to the court that he had got liis liquor by cut- ting up his mother's family Bible and selling it to the bar- bers for shaving-paper. He is evidently a gone case, and sat during his examination very unconcernedly munching an apple, and with a large roll sticking out of his shirt- bosom. Our readers will remember that only recently he was arrested in the Rev. Dr. Fatpotrick's church, while that eminent divine was delivering his annual sermon on missions, for rising in the gallery and magnifying the heathen above his own Christian countrymen, wishing he was a P\^ejeean, and be-bounding that he would eat up every missionary that came to convert him. He is an excellent samjile of the abominable political horde witli which he associates; though if they intend to bring him out as their candidate for Congress, as is currently reported, they must do it on bail, for his Honor sent him to jail in default of security." On the whole, I perceive little to make a visit to Rome desirable, or, indeed, agreeable, but its associations. It oppresses the mind with the obtrusive marks of desola- tion. No invalid comjma mentis would think of it as a suitable residence, for the activity of nature and the pas- sivity of man are combined to make it a favorite dwelling- place for disease. None but the local doctors venture to speak in its behalf; and it may be that they — for even medical human nature is somewhat frail — speak thus to seduce sick men to come, knowing tliat a request for their services must needs be the consequence. Even these couple their commendations with a formidable list of pre- cautionary injunctions concerning sun, shade, wind, damp, etc. True it is that the Popes and high functionaries have found the climate reasonably wholesome ; but then, as is well known, office-holders are physiologically and pathologically an exceptional class everywhere, invariably living very long and dying very hard. My last day in the Eternal City was a dull and gloomy one, and my parting visit was to the Capitol and the Roman Forum ; and there, standing in the rain, 1 looked OF A DOCTOR OF mYSIC. 311 and pondered. As I beheld the once omnipotent city, as she now lay prostrate before me, and contemplated her wrecks, her ruins, her decay, her degeneracy, and her dirt, I could not refrain from sorrowfully joining in the invocation of the poet to old Tiber — "Rise, with thy yellow waves, and mantle her distress." CHAPTER XX[y. Relates how we went from the Eternal City to Civita Veechia by Rail, and how we there took Sliipping for Marseilles — Of our Bark, her interior Economy, and how she was navigated to her Port, and the Quality of the Skipper thereof. We were now prepared to go. A few days before we had gone to reclaim our passports, which had been taken from us on our entry into the town, and been astonished to find that the Head of the Ciiurch, regarding us in the exalted character of holy pilgrims come to worship in his city, had graciously seen fit to discharge us of the accus- tomed dollar levied on reclamations of these documents, so that we parted on the best of terms with the Pope and his cardinals We had likewise gone to the office of the I-know-not-what great international steamship com- pany, whose vessels plied between Civita Veechia and Marseilles, and procured our tickets for that route. This corporation was somewhat unique. In the course of a tolerably extensive traveling experience it was the only transportation company I had ever known whose fares could be made a matter of bargain between them and the passengers. I would certainly as soon think of trying to beat down the tax-collector in his charges as to attempt to obtain a railroad or steamboat ticket below the adver- tised rates ; but this company, I was told, sold theirs at prices to suit the market, being always anxious to strilvo a trade, and offering great inducements to purchasers. We 312 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS ourselves paid full fare, not being' aware of these facts at the time, but on the steamer became acquainted with passengers who had dealt with them on accommodating terras. On Sunday morning we hied away to the railroad station, and there got our hearts rankled and minds em- bittered at the outset. Baggage was charged as freight. My trunk was as heavy as lend, being fit to burst with packages of ruined temples and towers that I had been gathering all along, and the weighmaster rated it at the uttermost grain. Not only this ; for, unlike the steam- ship comi»any, the railroad authorities were straight-laced even to bigotry in adherence to their charges. After raking out of our pockets all the change we could scrape together, we yet lacked one poor, pitiful cent of the amount assessed against us ; and the miserable, old strict- constructionist holding dominion at the station rigidly refused to give us quittance till the one cent was forth- coming. The matter was aggravated terribly by the cnrsed necessity of having to discuss it in French. A real primitive Christian of a gentleman, standing by, seeing our tribulation, magnanimously gave us a cent, and so put himself everlastingly in our debt, for he mod- estly withdrew immediatel}'' after doing the benefaction, and we never did and never will see him again to pay him back. In the midst of showers we glided along through a trim-looking country for about two hours, stopping at eleven o'clock in an extensive mud-swamp, which proved to be the suburbs of Civita Vecchia. We now debarked in the mud, where we stood for a time up to our knees, at a mighty nonplus, for not a soul could we find who spoke English. Presently there came to us a desperate villain, tall and terrible to look upon, who proposed to take possession of us in French. He was too desperate, and tall, and terrible for us to demur at his proposition, so we suffered him to pack us into a carriage and take us to the town. He drove us all over it, took us to a hotel against our will, and sought to make us eat dinner in spite of our repletion with a recent breakfast; and when we summoned up sufficient courage to object to this, he OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 313 wbisked ns off to the seashore, and there turned us out of the carriage, bag and baggage. The steamer, which was to touch here on her way from Naples, had not yet arrived, and we had nothing to do but to wait pa- tiently for her till she should come — the desperate villain sticking close to us and watching us all the time, and we watching him with an equal scrutin3^ It was excessively doleful. The wind was blowing cool, and the rain would come drizzling and pouring down upon us in frequent showers. There were a few solemn-looking vessels in the harbor for us to contem- plate, and a little pleasure-steamer belonging to some noble personage, which had been hauled up iu the mud and freshly painted, whose propeller we studied till we became smeared all over with cadaverous-colored paint. A few melancholy wharf-rats were lounging round, seek- ing how they might devour us. To mitigate the dreadful tediousness we now and then made short excursions into the town, one of us at a time, the other remaining with the baggage to act as a check upon the desperate villain and the wharf-rats. It is one of the meanest and most forlorn of little towns, — the last place iu the world where a man would choose to spend a rainy Sunday. It is enough to make a philanthropist weep to know that twelve thousand of his fellow-creatures are condemned to reside here. It is a conceited little hole, too, as I judge, from the fact that it is provided with fortifications — affecting to think that somebody might want to take it ; and above its towers fioat in amicable juxtaposition the flag of France and the banner of the Pope. When three miserable hours had crept away the longed- for steamer came and delivered us. She was a dirty little craft, all lumbered up with heterogeneous merchan- dise ill bestowed about the decks, which were begrimed with coal-dust, grease, and foul waters. The crew had more the look of brigands than of true mariners. We had a small quantity of freight to take on at this port, but the genius of this crew did not lie in the line of vessel- loading. Never did I see men do this kind of work at such wanton disadvantage. Unless I grievously mistake them, they had never done any loading before in their 27* 314 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS lives, except, forsooth, it were the loading of g-uns up among the hills. The captain himself was by birth and education a wiue-nierchant, but the owners of the ship conceiving an exalted opinion of his maritime capacity had secured his services as commander, — this being his first assumption of the responsibilities of navigation. With all his maritime capacity he was more distrustful of the water than I was myself, — and, of a verity, I had no overweening confidence in the element, — and he jumped with amazement whenever the ship gave an extra toss. He was of grave and sober port, as is proper to him who moves in apprehension of ever-impending shipwreck. At times, however, he would force himself to relax, and then would crack an awful smile, when his mouth looked like it had been mashed to pieces with a brick-bat. In this auspicious bark, then, we took passage for Marseilles. In three hours' time the brigand crew had done their twenty minutes' work of loading, the anchor was tugged up, and we were on our way. This was the turning-point in our travels. We had now fairly set our faces homewards, and we were glad of it. Driven away so frequently and so long by his malady my companion regarded home with more than ordinary affection, and was willing to forego everything in order to return to it at the earliest period consistent with prudence. The season was now sufficiently far advanced for him to hurry on with safety. As for me, I was surfeited with sight- seeing, and had, moreover, begun to be tormented with misgivings as to how far the machinations of my profes- sional brethren had carried them during my absence into the small and not over-resistent circle of patients I had left behind me. We, therefore, agitated not our minds with anticipations of further pleasure on that side of the Atlantic. Even Paris and London held out but slender inducements to us, and, like staid and knowing travelers who had happily passed beyond the point of astonish- ment and admiration, we were well inclined to go straight home and to get there as soon as might be. The sea was boisterous when we set out and soon became more so. When it seemed to have attained its acme, the master of the pantry sounded his bell and OF A DOCTOR OF PnVSIC. 315 sumraoTied us to dinner. On board this vessel dinner was solemnized at half-past five and breakfast at ten, — nominally so, though in fact these hours were unscrupu- lously varied to facilitate the perpetration of that besetting crime of the navigators of these waters, the serving of meals on a high sea, — by which abominable device they seek to economize their provisions, and I regret to say generally succeed. On this occasion we were furnished with a very sumptuous feast, and the entire passenger list was represented at table. But ere the soup had given way to the fish an ominous discomposure was visible in our midst; soon evident marks of disgust appeared on the countenances of the guests everywhere around the board, and many rose and departed, — some with a becoming air of dignity and self-respect, but most of them abjectly and with precipitation. p]re the feast was half over not one remained except ray companion and myself and a tall, thin, weather-proof veteran of the seas. Our commander, too, though he looked very wild, and stretched his neck, and rolled up his eyes at every palpitation of the waves, stuck out manfully, slinging out his legs and holding fast to the head of the table, and even favoring us now and then with one of his mashed- mouth smiles, — his stomach maintaining its tone possibly by virtue of that pathological law which beneficently provides that fright and sea-sickness shall counteract one another. The passengers were a sickly, sentimental, reserved set, with no disposition to make acquaintance with each other. The tall, weather-proof one, however, was very sociable, being an enormous giggler and liable to fits of violent cachiunation from inappreciable causes. We communicated much with him, though the pleasure and profit of the communion was sadly interfered with by lingual obstructions. There were, fortunately, two young- Englishmen on board, and with them we became very intimate. They had been making a rapid holiday tour in Italy and were now returning laden down with great bundles of walking-sticks, masterpieces of modern paint- ers in tin canisters, and quantities of precious mementos of divers sorts. They were in great haste to get back, 316 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS the elder one having to fQlfill a theatrical engagement at home as one of tiie dramatis personse in an amateur performance of " Boots at the Swan." He had the play- book with him, carrying it about in his hand, and study- ing it at every opportunity, but at great disadvantage, for he was wretchedly prone to sea-sickness, so that we apprehended he must ultimately throw up his part. He was mercilessly down on this steamer, pronouncing her blarsted, bloody, and deadly for her untoward influence on his digestive apparatus, — which influence he regarded as highly anomalous and marvelous, seeing that he felt nothing like it during a long cruise be made the preced- ing summer in a small yacht, and above all, seeing that he had come unscathed across that most baleful of all waters to a true Briton, the English Channel. He attributed his discomposure to a criminal understanding between the master of the pantry and the steersman by which the latter personage was to inflict upon the ship the singular jerks and twitches that tormented her, — though, in my opinion, he judged that functionary too harslily, for I am persuaded that no one on board was sufficiently conversant with the philosophy of steering either to cause or to cure these vexatious manifestations. The ensuing morning was ushered in with much bawling and confusion, growing out of the fact that there were no conveniences for ablution in the staterooms, but, instead, a public washing-tank in one corner of the cabin, where each washer in turn became frenzied with igno- rance how to dispose of his predecessor's dirty water or how to obtain clean for himself — all the waiters having disappeared to attend to matters of more importance — probably to assist in navigating the ship. The air was calm and the sea smooth, and the passengers generally were Iilled with peace and joy at the prospect of eating their breakfast in quiet — the two young English gentle- men being especially elated, for they were monstrous hungry. Never were confiding people more basely be- trayed. Ten o'clock came, but no breakfast. The ele- ments were not propitious. But as time wore on a favorable change of weather occurred. A stiff breeze began to blow and a heavy swell commenced to flow, OF A DOCTOR OF PITTSIC. 31 Y and then the tocsin sounded. The scene at dinner was repeated. There was the same happy gathering- together and sorrowful separation. The two Englishmen sat down but rose instanter, and going on the upper deck obtained a measure of comfort by poking their heads through the skylight, peering at their stouter-stomached companions, and showering down denunciations not only upon the ship but upon the victuals. On coming together when breakfast was finished to chat and smoke, as voyagers at sea are wont to do after meals, and comparing notes, it was ascertained that some villainies were perpetrated on this bark yet more heinous, if possible, than manoeuvring a man out of his provender. The Englishmen complained that in the dead of night some one entered their room with robbery in his heart, and when detected in the act of carrying out his fell intent sought to evade the consequences by declaring that he entered merely to close the diminutive window, — being driven by mortal dread that the ship might else founder through that aperture. Even worse than this, the stopper was drawn out of our medicine vial and full a pint of the invaluable medicament was swallowed down by the servitor of the stateroom. The commander was excessively assiduous in the dis- cbarge of his duty, posting himself determinedly on the lofty perch approj)riated to his use, and staring above, below, and all around with might and main. Whatever flaws nautical critics might think they could detect in his system of sailing, they would be compelled to acknowl- edge that he was eminently gifted with one admirable trait which is by no means universall}- possessed by more pretentious navigators — and that was cautiousness. He was thoroughly well aware that in the event of any disaster he must depend on the land for ultimate safely, and he sagaciously acted on the knowledge by keeping just as close to it as he possibly could, faithfully follow- ing all of its juttings and indentations, so that he was in condition to run the ship ashore at the first indication of a gale or other untoward occurrence. He secured another most important object by thus hugging the land. While it is likely that he would have been found in a 318 TTIE BOOK OF TRAVELS measure deficient in the sublimated learning insisted upon by boards of naval examiners, he had a good share of that mother wit or hard common sense which so often proves an efficient substitute for laboriously acquired science. He had acumen sufficient to perceive that if he struck out straight for Marseilles, depending on the compass and sextant as the vain writers of books would have him to do, he would of a surety never get there ; at the same time he saw intuitively that if, on the con- trary, he coasted steadfastly along it was next to impos- sible for him to miss it. He coasted, therefore, all the way, never for an instant losing sight of land, and the event triumphantly vindicated the soundness of his per- ception. By this scheme of sailing the compasses were rendered of secondary importance and the helmsman was spared the introduction of an additional perplexity in a business already sufficiently abstruse, — still, they might have been made of considerable service, even under these circumstances, by those who knew how to use them. The usual complement of these instruments had been furnished to the ship by her English builders and stood up boldly on the deck on highly ornamental metal supports. They seemed to be regarded by our captain and crew as intended to give an air of finish to the vessel rather than for any practical purpose. They were there- fore allov^ed to remain, though much in the way, but no use was made of them except to lean against; and so the craft wobbled along, the bow pointing now to away over there, and then of a sudden whirling around to away over here. About half-past two in the afternoon of the first day out we were so fortunate as to get to Genoa, all safe and sound, though most of us very empty. We anchored in the harbor some little distance from shore. The crew went to sleep and all the passengers but my companion and myself went off to see the city. We were sight- worn and loth to put ourselves to the trouble of going ashore, notwithstanding that here Columbus is reputed to have been born. We had already seen where he was unequivocally buried, and that was enough for us. We therefore contented ourselves with what was to be seen OF A DOCTOR OF PIITSIC. 319 from the deck of the vessel, and thought the city pre- sented a fine appearance, resting at the foot of a chain of liills. For three blessed hours we sat and gazed, solem- nized by the stillness prevailing on board and relaxed by the warmth of the weather, at the end of which time the crew woke up and went to work discharging and receiv- ing freight with a vigor not to be expected of them. At six o'clock we were oft" again. A glorious opportunity was here afforded to the master of the pantry to show the rectitude of his intentions, for the advertised dinner hour came while we were lying quietly in port, and, indeed, the repast was partly spread upon the board. He, however, cast his eye to seaward, and the sight of the beautiful billows rolling and tum- bling there was too much for his better impulses ; and, as usual, he stifled the utterance of his bell till we were rolling and tumbling amongst them. Some of the pas- sengers, tormented beyond endurance by the continual trifling with their feelings, had held it to be no breach of the etiquette of the table to anticipate the formal an- nouncement of the meal by clandestine nibl)ling of the crackers and pickles and walnuts while we were yet in harbor, — and it was as well they did, for there occurred the same old tumultuous rising as soon as they received lawful notice to sit down. We coasted quietly along all night, nothing unusual occurring, and next morning all rose wonderfully fresh- ened at the prospect of reaching Marseilles some time during the day. So marked was the tonic effect of this prospect upon us that though the incorrigible demon of the pantry again displayed his deviltry at breakfast, I do heartily rejoice to record that his machinations were niightily shorn of their power, only one woman, a man, and a child falling victims to them. Our commander was tremendously fidgety all this morning. He had every reason to believe that Mar- seilles was somewhere about, and armed with a spy-glass gazed into the heavens above and the waters beneath, almost straining his eyes out looking for it. The helms- man was scarcely less excited, causing the ship's bow to bob in and out till our track shone behind us as if made 320 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS by the great sea-serpent. At length as we proceeded it befell that we got into a terrible quandary, which came near culminating in a disaster. A little island rose right in our way, and the quandary was whether to go inside of the island between it and the shore or outside of it. The latter was clearly the safer course j^*^")^ ^'^» '^ut then it would have carried us full two hundred yards farther from the mainland, — a venturous distance, which the captain was not inclined to risk if it could be avoided. As we drew nearer and nearer to the point where it was necessary to make choice between these alternatives the wobbling of the ship grew perfectly awful under the indecision of the captain and the steersman. As evil fortune would have it, just at this crisis a small sail-boat whipped around the little island. This raised our per- plexity to its acme on the spot. We wobbled worse than ever. And now the boatmen became perplexed, too, being confounded by our manner of steering and finding it impossilile to get out of our way, for no matter which direction they took they would see us coming right at them exactly as if we were aiming at their destruction with malice aforethought. And of a certainty we would have destroyed them, but that of a sudden the captain received a heaven-born inspiration to order the engine to be stopped and the helmsman simultaneously forbore to steer. At length we were happily delivered from the quan- dary, and the captain was again at liberty to direct all his genius to the search for Marseilles. He had manifestly hoped to get some insight into its whereabouts as soon as he should have cleared the island, but the air was hazy and it was nowhere visible. He now grew deeply depressed in spirits and seemed to be cogitating the pru- dence of sending a boat ashore to inquire where we were. But by-and-by on the distant horizon there appeared an extensive conglomeration of something that looked like houses. If that really be houses, reasoned the captain, it is possible that it is a city, and if it be a city it is probal»le that it is Marseilles. I will seek counsel in the matter. He theref(n'e summoned up on his lofty bridge one of the passengers — that tall, thin, weather-proof one, OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSW. 321 — who in his time had already been to Marseilles, and besought him to resolve the question. The veteran stared strenuously through the captain's spy-glass, and deposed that that was certainly Marseilles, — and at once brought a glow of happiness over our commander's coun- tenance which irradiated that sober visage from ear to ear. In his gladness he actually abandoned the coast, turning sharply oft" from it and heading right across the dread expanse and through the mighty depths of ocean for the city. The captain was, however, yet imbued with his habitual caution and realized all the horror of that most melancholy of disasters — being wrecked in port. To diminish to the uttermost the chances of so direful a catastrophe, therefore, while we were yet a great way off" he caused the engine to be worked at its minimum and eternal vigilance to be observed fore and aft. In this way, exercising the most trying care and deliberateness in our every movement, we crawled along, and in the fullness of time were fairly inside the harbor. It oftentimes happens that the most uncertain and troublous period in the progress of an undertaking is when we are just about to put the finishing touch to it. So it was now. Our commander had been miraculously endued with unexpected wisdom as long as he had been going, but now that it was incumbent on him to stop he knew not where to do it. The quantity of ship- ping scattered about bewildered him grievously, and in his tergiversations among it he presently became so involved that he had to stop perforce, right or wrong. The pause att'orded him opportunity to make investiga- tions, and he found he was wrong, and that it \vas neces- sary for him to move to another locality. But he was afraid to evoke the slumbering power of the engine to aid him. He resorted to the somewhat slower but rather safer expedient of summoning all the idle boats that could be gathered together to tie on to the steamer and to tow her into her berth ; and in this graceful style, amid the groanings of the toilers of the sea, who tugged tremendously and vociferously, we gradually got to our allotted station. Under the influence of a temporary aberration of 28 322 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS memory the commander had the side steps promptly low- ered to permit the debarkation of his passengers, and the elder of the young English gentlemen, too eager to leave this wretched craft, was upon them immediately with his bundles of canes and canisters of the new masters. But the captain of a sudden recollected that he bad forgotten to attend to certain indispensable preliminaries with the people of the custom- house, and ordered the steps up again with a jerk, — to the utter amazement and disgust of the elder of the young English gentlemen, who per- ceived that himself and canes and new masters were being lifted back in an unpleasant and unseemly fashion to the abominated deck which he hoped he had quit forever. After awhile, however, the steps were let down in finality, and we were received in boats and conveyed ashore. To our infinite astonishment no charge was made for this transportation. This circumstance, together with the fresh and neat appearance of everything about us, and the quiet and systematic way in which affairs were conducted, so opposite to all our previous experience, constrained us to believe that of a truth we had at last got into Europe. We were thankful and took courage. A mighty cargo of people from Algeria had arrived just before us, and all the mind and strength of the custom-house was now concentrated upon them, so that we had to wait. But though it was full an hour and a half before our turn came we were not cast down, nor even measurably wearied, so buoyed up were we by the improved prosi)ects before us. When at length we were summoned to unpack, we were treated with exceeding courtesy and dismissed without loss or detriment. We were next bestowed into a capacious omnibus whose function it was to take us whithersoever we listed. The two English gentlemen and ourselves listed the Hotel of the Louvre and of Peace, and there we were deposited. OF A DOCTOR OF PlirsrC. 323 CHAPTER XXV. A Brief Mention of the City of Marseilles, Hnd how Hostilities broke out between us and the Plotel of Peace — A Cursory View of Paris, inter- spersed with Episodic Observations upon, first, the Excellences of the Military Law; and second, the Inconveniences of Sunday-Clothes. We spent ouly a few hours in Marseilles, so that I am not in condition to say a great deal respecting it. We padded over as much of the place as we could in so short a space of time, and stared unremittingly in our wander- ings, and the result is that I esteem it a very handsome and pleasant city. The streets that we traversed were wide and shady and lined with fine houses. There was none of that stagnation of industry which we had so generally noted in our travels hitherto, and which is so oppressive to a man from our energetic land. Everybody seemed busy and everything wore a look of thrift and prosperity. And well might this be so, for its three hundred thousand people are earnest manufacturers of Fez caps, indefatigable smelters of lead, powerful express- ors of olive oil, furious constructors of steam-engines, and mighty makers of soap and sugar. We started for Paris in the eleven o'clock morning train along with the English gentlemen ; — but before leaving were so unlucky as to get involved in war with the powers of the Hotel of the Louvre and of Peace. Publicans, I have reason to believe, are pretty much the same all over Europe, especially in the more refined countries, this sameness being particularly pronounced in the matter of getting the last possible stiver out of their guests ; in which design they are materially favored by the preposterous system of charging for all those trivial comforts or necessaries that publicans in our coun- try would shudder to put in their accounts. All the charges of this Hotel of Peace were at regular war prices, ijesides that those which were legitimate were shame- lessly high, others were inserted in the bill purely 324 ■ THE BOOK OF TRAVELS constructively. Some of these last we took the liberty to dispute. Thus, we demurred to the three and seven- eighths wax bougies {Anglke steariiie candles) recorded against us, which we had not lighted, being, nevertheless, perfectly willing to be assessed one whole one by virtue of the eighth of it we had actually consumed. The clerk, however, a most independent and high-minded personage, sagaciously pointed out to us that the said bougies being set in our apartments thereby became our own property, • — that we had the option of doing whatever we chose with our own property, — and that, of course, we could not think of holding the house responsible because we had failed to make the most judicious use of it. This argument was unanswerable and we said no more. But furthermore, we saw ourselves mulcted for two glasses of cognac which we could by no means remember to have taken. The clerk essayed to lubricate our intellects on this matter, also, and in a decidedly more independent and high-minded manner than before. " Did not your English friends just now order liquor to be brought?" asked he, curtl3^ We admitted that they did. *'Did they not invite you to participate with them ?" asked he again yet more curtly. We admitted this likewise, but added that we had declined, having no relish for spirituous potations at that time. Said he in eifect, and very peremptorily, " It was brought for you to drink in accord- ance with the invitation ; if you refused, it was your own aflair. We did our part and will positively not be answer- able for the caprices of people." This argument did not strike us as being altogether as lucid as that concerning the bougies, and we proceeded to demonstrate its weak points. This led to a multiplicity of words, and he grew indignant at our low-mindedness and we waxed wroth at his high-mindedness and his incorrigible propensity to steal. It was a little thing pecuniarily, but was so much the greater psychologically ; for there is nothing more harassing to the mind tlian to be the subject of small piljeriugs. He persistently clung to his view of the case, and as he would not take the cognac off — why, we took the caudles off, — packed them up in our valises and took them clean out of France, leaving them with our conipli- OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSW. 325 ments at the first hotel we stopped at in England. This excellent counterstroke of ours cut the high-nnnded clerk to the very chine, for though the candles were our prop- erty purchased at his own price, he had the most flatter- ing hopes of being our legatee and selling them again many times over. So embittered did he become against us that he actually refused to bestow upon us a bottle of water to take on our journey ; wherefore we shook the dust of our shoes into his countenance and departed, invoking confusion to light upon the bureau of this place of Peace. At the railroad station so many kilogrammes, hecto- grammes, decagrammes, etc. weight of trunks and con- tents were accounted baggage, every gramme above this being rigorously charged as freight, and at a pretty round rate, too. Here we successfully negotiated the purchase of a bottle, and, having filled it with water, we felt that we had now completely circumvented the malignant clerk and were ready to depart in peace. The French are great economizers of space in their railway carriages. Our coach was supplied and kept supplied all the way to Paris with its full quota of passengers. Among them were two of the reverend clergy, grave and decorous men, who rode soberly along to their journey's end. The others were your commonplace travelers, with no hook or crook whereon to hang an observation. Soon after starting we plunged into a long, dark tunnel, and scarcely were we out of it before we were in another, and then in another, and so on till we were disgusted with them. Finally we got fairly and squarely above-ground, and then we poked our heads out of window and took a circumspective view of the landscape ; but seeing nothing particular in it drew them in again and laid ourselves back in the hope that something striking would turn up after awhile. Nothing did, however, and the whole company betook themselves to introspection to beguile the time, the majority falling- asleep under the process. At times we would be exalted to a very vivacious and merrisome mood, but in a brief space would sink back into thoughtfulness and profundity. The reverend clergy nibbled a good deal at a cold colla- tion of sugar-cakes and like temperate sustenance which 28* 326 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS they bore about tbern, assnafring- its aridity with an occa- sional mouthful or two of feeble wine ; while the elder of tlie young English gentlemen — he of histrionic intent — betook himself to his dramatic labors, toiling studiously at his book, and every now and then arousing us from our lethargy by bursting into an agony of despair at the treachery of his memory, accompanied by the bitterest complainings that the screw of the Civita Yecchia steamer was in his head. There was no fault to be found with the road. It was very smooth and pleasant to ride over. The coach, too, was an excellent one. True, it had no water-vessel, no stove, no nothing that we have in our coaches, but it was upholstered and fixed up in the topmost height of their fashion. Every time we stopped, each wheel was sub- jected to a thorough and determined tapping with a ham- mer to ascertain whether its normal molecular constitu- tion was still maintained, — a judicious custom whose utility is not unknown to our railroad managers, who occasionally adopt it when they can spare a hand for the purpose. Traveling all day through a thrifty and prosperous country, we arrived about half-past seven in the evening at the important city of Lyons, where we were allowed thirty minutes for dinner. This was procured at the buffet, or eating-house, at the station, and was a good one, well and promptly served, the host taking no ungen- erous advantage of the terrible power conferred upon him by the railroad time-table. As it was dark when we arrived and time was precious and monopolized by the duties of the trencher, we saw little of Lyons but the beef and pie of its buifet. Punctually at the expiration of the allotted thirty min- utes we resumed our journey, the coaches being first sup- plied with iron cylinders containing hot water, — the sub- stitute of the wretchedly behindhand nations of Europe for our stoves. On these cylinders we planted our feet, and, feeling materially refreshed by our repast, fell into an animated discussion with our English friends concern- ing the union of Church and State. Before either party ppuld convince the other of heterodoxy, we sank into a OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 321 doze, which condition of semi-repose we would fain have maintained till morning'. But in the nature of things this was not possible. There can be no permanent slumber with the body oscillating in the perpendicular; nor yet when the frame is so contracted and rounded that the crown of the cranium is jammed in between the knees. Those who essayed the former mode were forever on the topple, besides being constantly at the point of death with the snorts; while those who tried the latter were deliv- ered up body and soul to the nightmare. Every sleeper either groaned, or snored, or both, while taking his rest, striking a chill to the bones of him who chanced to be in a state of consciousness. Every now and then the whole company woke up simultaneously with one accord, put- ting themselves in a posture of offense and eyeing one another with deadly malice, the reverend clergy looking particularly truculent. Our animosity was greatly aug- mented by the cooling down of the hot-water cylinders, and our consequent tendency to congelation, till at length we grew so irritable that a touch was sufficient to pro- voke a kick in return ; nay, we would let fly our feet at a venture without any tangible provocation at all, sin- cerely trusting that we might mortally mash somebody thereby. At last the eastern sky, which we had watched with wistful gaze off and on all night long, began to be irra- diated by the blessed gleams of day, and the glorious news being instantly i)roc!aimed to every one we woke permanently, and in an excellent frame of mind. Pass- ing through a rapid succession of towns and villages, and by fine houses and grounds, and, taking now a lively interest in everything we saw, we sped along till seven o'clock, when we made our final stop, being now in Paris, the beautiful, the wonderful, where dwell the wisest, brightest, meanest of uiankind, — the paradise of fools, the Mecca of the seeker after wisdom. Under the guidance of our English friends, who were familiar with the city, we betook ourselves to a hotel, where they got rooms but we did not, the house being full. The same fate awaited us at another hotel, but we finally gained admittance to the Grand Hotel du Louvre, 328 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS where we obtained one room at four dollars a day, which included the customary brass clock, oil paintings, etc., but not soap, candles, or anything to eat. It would be a shame for me to assume to describe Paris wlio saw so little of it. It is a place that might afford study for a sage for years, yea for a lifetime, seeing with what deliberate slowness sages study. Those who are not sages do not exhaust even its superficial features by months of experience of them. The eye and the ear and the understanding find it impossible to heed all the appeals here made to them. Enough can be gathered, however, to make plain the fact that in many respects this great and wonderful city should be a warning to the rest of the world, and in as many others should be a model for it. How unfortunate it is that in neither of these capacities has the good it is capable of accomplish- ing been commensurate with its influence ! for though its sway is exercised to a greater or less extent over every civilized people on the globe they heed not its warnings, and where they follow its models they have too often taken only those they sliould have avoided. Since, then, I saw comparatively little of Paris I shall say comparatively little about it. I had tolerably fair reasons for not seeing much of it. There was but a week at our disposal before the sailing of the steamer for America, which we were obliged to divide between Paris and London, giving to each about three days — a space of time hideously disproportionate to the magnitude of the enterprise. Again, we were now at the tail end of our travels, with soul, mind, and body aweary, and could not prosecute sight-seeing with the enthusiasm of those who enter Paris in the full flush and heat of traveling fervor. Moreover, on top of this, we were crushed to the earth and restrained by a terrible financial crisis impending over us. This calamity had come in this v^dse. As it was nearly an even chance when we set out from home whether we would go to South America or Europe, we had concluded to defer com- pleting our money arrangements till we should reach Havana, having no doubt that we should find all the facilities there for doing so. iJut we were mistaken, and OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 329 on appealing- to New York for a letter of credit found it was necessary to apply in person, in order that the party might be identified, or for some other abominable formal- ity. It was out of the question to journey to Gotham for any such purpose, and the only alternative left us was to lug over all tlie money we expected to spend in our pockets. We made what we thought a very liberal calculation of the probable expense, but not having the light of experience to instruct us we failed to make a sufficient allowance for those innumerable ever-flowing small drains to which we were to be subjected, which w^hile the least conspicuous are amongst the surest de- pleters of the purse. Therefore, what with boat hire, porter pay, donations voluntary and enforced, differences every fifty miles in the coinage and the rate of exchange, — which was invariably against us, whether we traveled backwards or forwards, — to say nothing of grievous losses sustained by counterfeit money, here we were at last in Paris reduced almost to penury. It was necessary to husband our resources by retrench- ing our outlays. The four dollars a day for lodging was fixed beyond recall, but the expenses of the table were happily somewhat under our control. The breakfast was so conducted that the eater paid for what he called for, no more nor less ; consequently we called not redundantly at this meal, but showed ourselves patterns of frugal feed- ing. The dinner, however, was provided at one dollar a head, no stint being put upon the guest, who was per- mitted to eat anything and everything if so minded. We availed ourselves of this lilterty to the uttermost extent, making ourselves at the repast a wonder and a terror in the endeavor to consolidate three meals into one. Under this state of constrained economy we had, likewise, to be wary in the use of wheeled conveyances. In truth, I bore this deprivation remarkably well, for except for the saving of time it eff'ects, this mode of pro- gression is to me of very secondary importance. For my part, it is greatly more gratifying to walk about a strange city than to ride about it ; and it was one of my chief delights in Europe to saunter at my ease through the streets, with the privilege of stopping or going on as the 330 . THE BOOK OF TRAVELS humor took me. In Paris, therefore, I endeavored to find where the principal ohjects of interest were situated, and tlien worked my way to them on foot to the best of my ability. Under the best of circumstances Paris is an overlarge place for a pedestrian to compass in three or four days. In the mood that actuated me I felt far more disposed to loiter than to do steady walking, and in con- sequence can lay no claim to that deep knowledge of its mysteries which American visitors do so generally affect. A source of undying interest to me was to gaze into the shop-windows. The Parisians themselves do this — a circumstance that heartened and comforted me might- ily, forasmucth as it banished all apprehension of the dreadful reproach of being an inhabitant of the rural dis- tricts. Nothing can exceed the dexterity with which the shopkeepers manage to make a grand display with scanty materials, and their enticing manner of arranging jini- crackery. In many of the windows hung the encourag- ing notification that "English is spoken here." As a general thing the attendants were cunningly selected from the beguiling sex, and when they were Frenchwomen, were disastrously affable, though occasionally they were English-born, and in this case were apt to conduct their shopkeeping on the English model, which is not over and above remarkable for conciliating courtesy. Inex- pressibly various were the things for sale, and good round prices were asked for them. I bought a hat — an atrocious ugly hat of the latest style — for five dollars in gold that I found I could buy for three dollars in green- backs when I got home. Jewelry, especially, was super- abundant. In the Palais Royal, where the jewelers appear to be centralized, the quantity of it on exhibition is positively appalling; and in the cour.se of my nightly strolls through this place, when it was resplendent with gaslights, I was almost dazed with the glitter and corus- cation that assailed my eyes, at the same time being quite befuddled with conjecturing how it was possible for so many of a trade to subsist together, and the more so since, according to my observations, purchasers were far fr(nn plentiful. One of our days in Paris being Sunday, we had the opportunity of noting that most of the shops OF A DOCTOR OF rilYSlC. 331 were kept open the same as on week-days — at least in the morning. In fact, I may say here, there was nothing particular in the aspect of the city to indicate the arrival of the day of rest. In the afternoon, however, there was a general shutting-up and a universal turn out of tlie attending nymphs and everybody else, who, rigged to kill, were perambulating the streets and gardens, giving the whole place an exceeding gay and gladsome air. The streets of Paris are kept in the best order, every appliance that science and art can supply being made use of to accomplish this object. They are eternally watered by hose scientifically mounted on little wheels, and I saw a stupendous piece of mechanism worked by steam whose function was to roll down all asperities. Shade-trees are nurtured with a mother's tenderness and a father's care. The wayfarers you encounter on these highways, if they regard you, do so in a highh^ respectful and courteous manner. I bestowed but little attention on the male por- tion of the inhabitants, who, to the best of my recollec- tion, are generally a thin people, sallow and frisky, with beaver hats, and more or less whiskers; but the female portion I scrutinized somewhat closely, — more closely, I have sometimes feared, than did well comport with my habitual severity of thought and character. It concerns me to have to say that, in my humble judgment, beauty is not the rule among the Parisian ladies. The}' possess a vivacity of manner which is engaging, and whatever advantages dress can confer they know how to extract from it to the last atom, but in the cliarms of person, methinks, they are deficient. The handsomest ones I encountered were those retained in the shops to fascinate the susceptible and bully the close-fisted customers It is some comfort in walking the streets of Paris to know that as far as human foresight can provide, no harm can be done to you, and neither can you do any to any- body else. There are guardian angels, it may be, in- visible, but who have an eye to you, and who will ap- pear the moment their services are needed. If you be a man of wrath and get involved in a fight, 3'ou may show as much spirit as you choose, assured that before your enemy can do his worst he will be separated from 332 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS you. If your animation should become suspended from any cause, you will Ije immediately attended to, and as- persed with water, rubbed, turpentined, mustard-plastered, " pinched, and burnt, and turned about," and indefati- gably treated in the latest scientific style till you are re- stored ; or, if in spite of every effort you give up the g-host, you will be stripped, and stretched nicely on a table before the public, with your clothes hung over your head for identification, and in cnse any one can tell who you belong to, you will be religiously handed over to your friends for their disposal. If you should drop down dead- drunk, your carcass will be kindly trundled from under the feet of the passengers into a corner, and be protected against the malevolence of the boys, who, in our country, do show such devilish pleasure in devising torments for the unfortunate beings upon whom this calamity has fallen. All these advantages arise from the admirable sj'stem of polity prevailing in this model city. The authorities constitute a species of provost-giiard, with powers nearly equivalent to those of a court-martial. The management of affairs, therefore, approaches very closely to perfection ; for your court-martial is perha|»s the best government the world ever saw — as ] judge from my experience in the Con- federate army, and afterwards, under different auspices, when n)y native town was overthrown and passed under the yoke. Some people object to courts-martial, espe- cially those whose ideas have become relaxed by the latitude allowed in a repuljlic; but while these tribunals may well be a terror to evil-doers they are not obliged to be excessively over-formidable to such as are unim peach- ably upright and irreproachably circumspect. They are the only courts of genuine justice, indeed, — their proceed- ings being uncontaminated with any of that weakly quality, mercy, but l)eing short, sharp, and decisive, as legal proceedings ought to be. In their eye every pris- oner is presumed to be guilty till he proves himself inno- cent, and the burden of proof being thus shifted, they move unincumbered by a load under which the prosecu- tion so frequently breaks down in other courts. AVith them flaws in the indictment amount to naught, the true OF A DOCTOR OF FHYSIC. 333 intent and nieaninji' of tho statute is not a matter for argument, and alibis are flouted and scouted. We have no tedious references to precedents, no wearisome pro- crastination for the judge to consult authorities and look into the law governing the ease, no provoking insufficiency of evidence. As a consequence, though an objector might ]io?sibly complain that there was something of the inso- lence of office, Hamlet himself, were he on trial l)efore one of these tribunals, would utter never a murmur aliout the law's delay. On the contrary, apprehension, trial, convic- tion, and execuiion follow in rapid and certain sequence, for there is no obstruction to the Juggernaut car ofjustice, "which having free course runs and is glorified. Not the least meritorious characteristic of the military law is the plenary power it possesses to determine not merely the degree but the kind of punishment to be inflicted, — matters in which the civil law is so miserably restricted; for, whereas the latter is obliged to confine itself to such old and threadbare devices as fines and jails and gallowses, the latter is at liberty to give full scope to its inventive faculty and strike out into the domain of originality. And surely nothing can be more ingenious, and at the same time pregnant with salutary warning, than some of its essays in this direction. What, for example, when we consider the horror of our colored fellow-citizens concerning things pertaining to mortality and their sensitiveness on the score of their complexion, what could be more appropriate than to incase one of them in a coffin and set iiim out in the sua with his countenance irradiated with a handful of flour, — as was done by our worthy provost-marshal of Rich- mond a month or two after the surrender ? 1 have seen nothing to surpass it even in the annals of the slave- holders — no, not in that notable collection of contriv- ances against the African people which Mr. Charles Dickens in the softness of his heart displays in his "American Notes," and where in the softness of his head he attributes all the piercings of ears for earrings, amputations of toes for frost-bite, extractions of teeth for toothache, and tush-marks of the guardian dogs of the hog-pen and chicken-house to the barbarism of slavery. 29 334 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS Certain it is that this anomalous spectacle wrought a deep impression on the minds of the newly-enfranchised population, who marveled greatly as they looked upon it, and, paying- full tribute to the unmatchable genius of their deliverers which liad devised it, betook themselves to redoubled vigilance in their oi)erations to guard against detection. Yet cannot I help allowing that in some of its forms of punishment military law in a measure oversteps the bounds of what is strictly judicious and seemly; and in the name of a large and deserving class of the community I must plainly protest against the cus- tom of shaving the heads of malefactors, as calculated to exert an injurious influence on the ideas of the rising generation and others of ill-regulated judgment, by bringing the reverend attribute of baldness into discredit and contempt. It is true that errors will be occasionally committed even by these courts, for no human institution is abso- lutely perfect. The wrong man (or woman) will some- times be hung, or something I)e done to the prejudice of outside parties. Thus, a patient of mine who was on the point of liquidating his indebtedness of ten dollars was apprehended for something, convicted, — he was not tried, the case being too plain to require it, — and fastened hermetically in the penitentiary by our post-bellum pro- vost-judge's court, — all in the si»ace of one little half- hour, with too much ex})edition for me to become cogni- zant in time to enter my bill in bar of the proceedings; and, since he was bestowed hopelessly beyond the reach of any collector, I lost my money. But when such a case occurs it is clearly the part of v/isdom to comfort our- selves with the reflection that it is better for ninety-and- uine innocent to suffer than for one guilty to escape, — a maxim of the military law which it would not be alto- gether amiss were the civil more frequently to adopt. But while the city government of Paris is endued with powers almost as extensive as those 1 have been lauding, it is proper to add that it does not consider it necessary to exercise them to their full limit. No very striking innovations have been made in the everyday modes of punishment, nor is the celerity of legal proceedings so OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 335 great that a man may not be late in coming home to dinner without terrifying his family with the well- grounded fear that he has begun a term of service in the state-prison, — as was the case in our good city of Rich- mond under the auspices I have mentioned. Neverthe- less, in many things the government is sufficiently arbi- trary. Thus, a man, albeit as thoroughly saturated with healing power as is the seventh son of a seventh son, is not permitted to sell his infallible pill or potion to a suffering fellow-being without giving the sufferer a clue to what he is taking, — a proviso which, as all who are in tiie habit of pi'eseribing medicines well know, is compe- tent to blast the virtue of the best remedy that ever was concocted. Neither is a confectioner at full liberty to consult his own tastes in selecting the colors where- with he would adorn and glorify his handiwork. He is ruthlessly compelled to abstain from such as contain copper and lead and ratsbane. In fact, in no business is one allowed to conduct it to suit himself alone ; but, instead of being left to look after his own interests ex- clusively, he is forced to consider those of other people too. An American is struck with astonishment at a system so much at variance with tliat which prevails in his own country, where buying and selling are done with the understanding that every man is for himself and God for us all, and which is so inimical to the exer- cise of our most idolized national trait of "smartness;" and he wonders how a people can prosper under it. The interference with private aft'airs here goes yet far- ther, even to the restriction of man's inherent right to dispose as he chooses of his own body and bones. Should these mortal concomitants become a burden to the pos- sessor — a case that not unfrequently happens to French- men — all kinds of obstacles are thrown in the way of getting rid of the incumbrance. It is with the greatest difficulty that a quantum of poison can be procured. The inviting bosom of the Seine is likewise guarded against him ; or, if perchance, he can throw himself upon it, ere he is fairly nestled there like enough he will be jerked away and restored to the abominated upper world by the implements and appliances scattered thick along 336 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS the river's banks, and which are put into assiduous oper- ation under stimulus of the ]i!)eral reward paid to those who save lives. To elude this vexatious watchfulness of the government therefore it is that the tired denizen resorts to charcoal fumes and other outlandish, unsuspi- cious agencies for gaining rest. Let freedom-shriekers scream as they will, gi-eat blessings spring from this despotic surveillance. The very hackmen are subdued by it. It is a matter of some concern to them whether or no they run over you in the streets ; nay, they will actually hold up and notify you of your peril if it threatens ; while in the matter of fares the regulations to which they are subject render it very difficult for them to swindle. How to deal with this intractable class has ever been one of the sternest problems of legislation. No other city that I wot of has accomplished an3'thing worth the mention towards its solution, and the fact that here so near an approximation has been made to this desirable end speaks volumes in behalf of the municipal government of Paris. The Gardens of the Tuileries were but a short distance from our hotel, and in this convenient retreat we were frequent loungers. It is needless to say that these gar- dens are artistically laid out, neatly kept, and in all respects a delightful resort. They could not be in Paris and be otherwise. Among the pleasant features are multitudes of little birds, whou) kindness has made trust- ful, and who hop down before the visitor and confidently appeal to him for charity, which is most willingly bestowed, many good people bringing provision with them expressly for almsgiving to the amiable little pen- sioners. Here v^^e spent all of our Sunday morning, and with great pleasure and profit, especially from beholding the trim citizens as they passed by arrayed in their Sunday-clothes. The Parisians are notoriously tasty in dress, and to any one fond of witnessing the pomps and vanities of the world it is a treat to see them in full feather. We were mightily taken with one particular pair of the promenaders, comprising a credulous father and a lowly son. To the eye of a disinterested observer the OF A DOCTOR OF PIlYSrC. 33 Y son certainly appeared to be _vet very far from maturity, but in the estimation of the fond parent he was a little man ; and in this belief he had been decked out in man's attire, and of the most pronounced description, being- provided with a long split-tailed coat, a stove-pipe hat, kid gloves, and a walking-stick. The poor child did not share his father's infatuation, but, crushed beneath the greatness thrust upon him, pulled the narrow brim of his hat over iiis eyes, tucked his walking-stick under his arm- pit, and curved his spine till the waist of his split-tailed coat rested on his shoulder-blades; — his general bearing being one of most desolate sheepishness. The parent, mortified at this ignoble port, essayed to readjust him, instructing him in the approved swing of bis stick, restoring his hat to its proper poise, and almost pulling him backwards to the earth by tugs at the tail of his coat, in the attempt to coerce that garment into its right- ful position, at the same time loading him with reproaches and remonstrances ; but all to no purpose. As fast as he was restored he relapsed, till at length the parent's shame was swallowed up in sorrow, and he, too, hung his head, sore stricken by his offspring's incorrigible littleness of soul. This unfortunate youth had my fullest sympathy in his afflictions, for the sight aroused the recollection of my own earlier days, when I too was a living sacrifice to the demon of dress, — though, thank Heaven ! not on anything like so pretentious a scale. Vividly did he recall to my mind the desperate efforts exerted to make me look a neat and pretty little boy ; — all utterly futile, except to excite in me bitterness of heart and rebelliousness of spirit at the restraint upon my natural proclivity for free and easy clothing and playing in the dirt. Had I continued a child all the days of my life, I fear these vexations would have at last driven me to infidelity, for the Christian Sabbath had become an abouiination in my eyes becau.se of the scrubbings, and combings, and brushings, and buttonings, and pinnings, and trickings which announced its advent. With what disgust I regarded the finery wherein I was that day endued, which was to be worn till blessed eventide, and religiously guarded against spot 2y* 338 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS or blemish, and with what joy uiispealvaljle I laid aside the sacred vestments! The love of freedom in matters of the toilet has not been entirely left behind in my advance in 3'ears, and chief among the few g-leams of comfort which in my army experience tempered the grim asperities of war was that derived from the inestimable privilege of wearing a shirt from moon to moon with unimpeachable reasons for doing so, and, in addition, no public opinion demanding a daily washing of the face. Wc had not been long in Paris before we were assailed by an individual who insisted strenuously upon being engaged as guide. We felt no great need for his services, but he gave such glowing accounts of what it was in liis power to show, and was withal so intolerably pertinacious that we employed him in self-defense. He was a little plumi)ish wanderer, or, most probably, refugee from England, with the flavor of the Cockney lingo rich upon his tongue, and thoroughly unfit for the function he pro- fessed. His first essay was to get us admitted into the halls of legislation, in which he failed egregiously, getting us no farther than an ailing hydrant in the yard afflicted with incontinence of water, which when we would drink from it doused us from head to foot. Baffled here he squired us to the Hotel des Invalides, where there being no opposition whatever to our entrance, he claimed great credit for successfully engineering us therein. On the way thither, to indemnify us for our exclusion from the Legislative Palace, he gave us a comprehensive sketch of French politics, with an exposition of the true motives underlying the ostensible policy of Louis Napoleon, and prophecies of momentous public events which must assuredly come to pass; — all of which we listened to because we could not help it, and all of which we would have treasured up had we had the least idea that he knew anything in the world of what he was talking about. Under the splendid dome of the Hotel des Invalides lies the dead Man of Destiny, piously brought from the far-off alien sea-girt rock to repose in the midst of the people that he loved so well. The dome is the crown of a magnificent church, all of the central space of which is OF A DOCTOR OF niYSlC. 339 occupied by the large circular crypt where stands the tomb. Numerous paintings and tasteful architectural devices adorn the church, and about it are several sepul- chral monuments dedicated to French worthies. The tomb is a massive block of porphyry, elegantly but plainly sculptured, which covers the sarcophagus, — the whole supported by means of two plinths upon another massive block of green granite. Ai'ound it and confronting it stand in solemn state twelve colossal statues, images of twelve great victories. In the pavement is worked in mosaic a crown of laurels, and upon the balustrade are sculptured eight laurel wreaths, each circling the name of some fierce battle of the hero's. No cost has been considered, no labor has been spared, to make this monu- ment of a people's veneration worthy of the nation and the man ; and while it is magnificently grand its grandeur is withal the grandeur of simplicity. When the tomb had been inspected, the guide would fain have us go through the hospital. But my companion being an invalid himself turned up his nose at the very thought of invalids, and, for my part, I relished hospitals "no better than a grocer does figs." Accordingly, we turned back, making for the Louvre, where the guide professed to be able to show us gfeat things. Like all guides I have ever seen, his specialty was paintings. When, therefore, we were at the renowned palace, he hui'ried us past the vases and mummies and minor objects generally, and pioneered us to the picture-galleries. On all the masterpieces he descanted with the usual eloquence and erudition. Now it chanced that sundry of these were Scripture subjects, and, while we made no boast of art- knowledge, we at least felt ourselves to be measurably well grounded in the rudiments of biblical history. Jn these particulai'S, however, we found that the guide was exactly the converse of us ; he was a connoisseur in light, shade, and perspective, but a tyro in Moses and the prophets. We were shocked at his heathenish ignorance, and outraged that he should hold our scrii)tural acquire- ments so low as to presume to pass upon us his profane versions for gospel facts ; and when to top it he spoke of our old friend and first acquaintance in art, Murillo, as an 340 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS Italian, we were fit to burst. It was intolerable and we discharg'ed hira at once. As we were domiciled almost under the shadow of the Louvre, it was easy enough to visit it, and we occa- sionally strayed through it subsequently under our own aus])ices. The building* itself is an imposing piece of architecture externally, and the interior is richly and ap- propriately adorned, while considerable regard for the comfort of the visitor is evinced, — a point on which in- stitutions of the sort do not generally much concern them- selves. No half francs are demanded for anything. No canes are taken from the feeble and the weary, leaving, them perchance to drop exhausted somewhere in the depths of the vast pile. On the contrary, there are di- vans where one may sit and poetically meditate, or pro- saically catch his wind. Moreover, he may stand upon the floors without apprehending the refrigeration of his marrow, for they are of wood. Last but not least, the thoughtful custodians have provided spit-boxes, so that the despised but devoted chewer of tobacco can indulge the habit which does so solace and assist him in his la- bors in these places without having to trot all around semi-strangulated by nicotine, looking for some secret spot to hide his shame. What is to be seen in the Louvre is altogether too va- rious to specify. It has enough of all the staples kept in a well-fui'nished museum and to spare, and a vast deal the like of which is to be found nowhere el.se. Here are many interesting souvenirs of the great Napoleon. The collection of Egyptian mummies, sphinxes, seeds, spoons, brooms, shoes, pieces of bread, etc. of the Pharaohs' days is unrivaled. The specimens of Gobelin tapestry are most magnificent, representing subjects with the fidelity and vividness of oil paintings ; in fact, we took them to be paintings till certified of their real nature by our guide; and truly it would puzzle any one not a connoisseur like him to detect the diffei'ence. It is needless to say there are vases ; of course there are vases, Greek and Roman vases, Egyptian vases, African vases, all kinds of vases. Its i)aintings in quality and in quantity are not behind those of any similar institution in Europe, and this de- OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 341 spite the fact that it has been obliged to disgorg-e all those which the first Napoleon, who loved art not wisely but too well, stole from other museums to enrich it. The same may be said of its statuary. Tiiis is displayed in its naked beauty, and from it I was forced to draw the inference that many of the old worthies, whatever miiiht be said of them morally, were physically condescending and candid enougli ; even emperors and rulers of nations having no concealments to make, but permitting them- selves to be hewn out exactly as they were, viz., of the identical make and fashion of common mortals, and without even so much as a fig-leaf to hamper the inquiring mind. One afternoon I sought out the Morgue, — the repos- itory in which the poor waifs of dead mortality are gath- ered to wait for claimants. It is a low building near the riverside, with a wooden screen before the door. Within it is a long glass partition, behind which are ranged twelve tables for the reception of the dead bodies. On these they are laid confronting the spectators with their heads raised, and naked, except a cloth across the loins. A vast quantity of clothing, the accumulations from many sul)jects, is suspended behind the partition. The place is neatly kept and is entirely free from odor. There were two subjects on the tables the day I visited the Morgue: one a man, rather coarse looking; the other either a fair, delicate young man or a woman, — I could not by the fading light well determine which, l^oth had their arras extended by their sides and looked exquisitely placid, exactly as if asleep. Many persons lounged in to gaze at them, mostly trifling men and slattern women, people of the neighborhood, some having babies in their arms. Children came in, too. All performed the inspec- tion very unconcernedly, and, their curiosity being satis- fied, they idled off without apparently laying the scene much to heart. A thoughtful man might, however, draw some useful reflections from a visit to the place, which is in a manner the register of the gayety of Paris, for it is said that in seasons of universal joy and merriment then does the Morgue ap})ear in all its fullness. If means of pleasure could save one from the Morgue, no Parisian need ever sret there. There are amusements 342 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS innumerablo, and to suit all sorts and conditions of men. I am myself a man who can be satisfied with very few and simple enjoyments, and it was my custom, after the peraml)ulations of the day, to recreate my spirits at the nightly out-door shows about the Champs Elysees. These shows were particularly numerous and well pat- ronized on the Sal)bath-night. The more pretentious of them consist of thrillingly ludicrous dramatic re|)resenta- tions, interspersed with singing and dancing. The spec- tator sits under the trees, no charge being made for ad- mission, though he is not suffered to go away till he has purchased some refreshment, which is put at a figure high enough to cover all incidental expenses. My glass of beer, which was the shape in which I elected to liqui- date my obligation, was assessed at forty cents. Of all the performances I witnessed, the most merito- rious was a drama vividly portraying the omnipotence of woman's wiles. An unlucky man is beset by an insidious charmer who seeks to cajole him out of his garments. He strives against her, but hearkens, never- theless. How true it is that the man who deliberates is lost! He yields up his coat. She urges him further, and he gives his waistcoat Yet further she presses him — she wants his shirt. Now he begins to struggle in earnest, but too late — he parts with this, too. Will it be believed? — the insatiable monster now demands his pantaloons! Upon this the wretched victim is in an agony; his striv^- ings are terrible, and he has already retired behind a friendly screen to hide his emotions. The audience is in a fever of anxiety to know if he will surrender this wellnigh the last refuge of manhood. Alas! who that has gone so far can stop ? The vestments come pro- truding from behind the barrier. And now the audience is almost crazed with anticipation of what will come next. But, blessed be woman ! in her most remorseless moods she still retains somewhat of her inborn compas- sionateness and tenderness of heart, yet mingled with it a spice of her natural waywardness; for, though at this crisis the persecutrix relents, she pulls down the screen from before her denuded and abashed dupe and in token of her triumph makes him dance a hornpipe with her iu his drawers. OF A DOCTOR OF PIIVSIC. 343 CHAPTER XXVI. How we went from Pnris to Calais, and how we passed over the English Channel with due Observance and landed at Dover — IIow we went to Lnnilon--A Cursory View of London, with some Facts that militate against the Assertion that the English are a Nation of Shopkeepers. Contrary to what we should expect of a people so practically ^stheticiil as the French, it is their custom to confine the wayfarina,- public in a saloon at the railroad station, barring- them out from the train till a very few minutes before it is time to start, causing tremendous agitation, trepidation, and frenzy in the crowd of expect- ant voyagers when the gates are opened and they are turned in pell-mell to look for places. We found our- selves thus cribbed and kicking our heels impatiently early on the cool, dull, drizzly Monday morning termi- nating our brief survey of Paris. When the floodgates were raised we surged madly along with the current, coming to rest in a coach with a quota of pure French- men, who spoke not nor understood aught of English, and at the appointed moment rolled smoothly and rapidly away, bound for London town. The journey to Calais, which VA^e made by way of Boulogne, was very void of interest. The weather was dispiriting, and we were deprived of the solace of con- versation with our fellow-travelers, who had too great a command of French for us to dare to provoke them. Every now and then a tunnel would shut from us the sight of an unattractive country, mostly flat in its char- acter, and bearing some resemblance to our Western parts, but relieved by numerous villages and an abun- dance of windmills. Nothing, whatever, as far as I remember, occurred to us, nor do I recollect anything we did more noteworthy than 3'awning and stretching our- selves. At ten minutes past one o'clock we reached Calais. 344 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS The cares of transshipment of self and ba.srgage to the steamer engrossed my attention to the exclusion of all things else, so that if I passed through the town, which I doubt, I did not see it ; and consequently, on second thoughts, suppress the description of it I had prepared. Great was the bustle about the boat for half an hour, at the end of which time we cast loose our fastenings and struck out for Dover. We were now traversing that renowned artery of the sea which is the pride and terror of the Cockney voy- ager, and his infallible gauge and measure for all troubled ■waters; over whose bouncing bosom he delights to bear his new-made bride to show his prowess, and for the maintenance of whose nauseous name and reputation he feels it incumbent on him to make oblation of hig beef and ale. The steamer, which was small and ill arranged but of much horse-power, was well filled with this kind of travelers. The hazy, drizzly weather grievously dis- ti'acted them, and they could be seen chasing the steward from stem to stern anxiously seeking his opinion concern- ing the prospects of a propitious passage. The moment the wheels began to revolve they commenced to grow sea-sick, and numbers of them with wise forethought lay down even before we started ; they and their baggage, Avhich was in all the national redundancy, monopolizing so much of the limited space that it was difficult for sound persons to move about. Much of the illness that prevailed, I am quite persuaded, was attributable to the patriotic tenderness for the Channel's fame, for there was not enough sea on to account for it. The ladies were particularly demonstrative; and as the construction of the boat did not readil}'^ permit privacy, they reaped whatever benefit could accrue from the public recognition of their sacrifices. The proprietors of this line of steamers are very considerate of this delicate class of passengers. In- stead of intrusting them in these emergencies to the puny care of a waiting-woman, as would be the case were it an American line, they are placed under the stalwart guardianship of a man. The steward himself attended them, assisted by two sturdy little sailor-boys, and cer- tainly displayed all the assiduity, and apparently all the OF A D OCT Ok OF PHYSIO. 345 loving-kindness, of a female. This steward was a most notable-looking person. At the first blush of his gran- deur I presumed him to be the captain, being misled by a cursory glance at the golden blazonries upon his coat, which, however, upon narrower inspection showed so much the semblance of wash-basins that I stood cor- rected, interpreting them to be insignia of his true office. My illusion was greatly aided by the transcendent straightness with which he held himself and the stu- pendous importance of his general carriage. However, he was assiduous and tender, as I have said, keeping his boys continually on the tramp with their crockery equip- ments, so that he certainly entitled himself to honorable mention. Be it known, tobacco-chewing is a subject little under- stood by Europeans. According to their benighted idea of it, it is practiced only by the refuse of the earth, and they cannot conceive that a gentleman traveler would indulge in it. The sick people, therefore, stared with amazement at the complacent countenance with which I every now and then tripped to the vessel's side and ex- pelled a mouthful of tobacco-juice overboard. They took the fluid to be bile — the darned fools I — imagining me to be afflicted like unto themselves, though with a kind of latent form of the malady, and wondering how on earth I bore it so philosophically. When two hours' time had passed we were over this portentous Strait and in the town of Dover. I saw almost as little of this place as of Calais, having depos- ited myself promptly in the train, which shortly set out for London. In deference to the seclusive and secretive tastes of their countrymen, managers of the English railways are not prone to fill every coach to its maximum capacity, as they are wont to do in France, consequently we had abundance of room to sling our legs about in our compartment ; nor were we disturbed by idle chattering, our two or three companions having a masterly command of their tongues. We flew smoothly along through a lovely undulating and verdant country, well besprinkled with sheep, passing through divers villages on the way, — 30 346 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS the whole panorama pleasing me vastly, for it vivified many a fascinating idea of English scenery and life and manners long before implanted in my mind by com- munion with the revered men of the land Avho bad made these things their theme, and whose pirated thoughts I even then had in cheap editions in my trunk. Speeding" thus for an hour and three-quarters, we finally penetrated a mass of vapor, rode over the tops of divers houses, and worked through sundry topographical mazes, ultimately coming to rest at the Charing Cross terminus of the rail- road, being now in London. From some unaccountable impulse of benevolence to- wards travelers, the custom-house authorities had so arranged affairs that the examination of baggage coming from France might be postponed till it reached London. I trembled to know that this ordeal was now at hand. Both by reading and hearsay I had been assured that of all custom-houses that curse the fair earth the English was the most bloodthirsty and inexorable ; and I was painfully conscious that it would find me an exquisitely succulent morsel for its cruel craw by reason of the good store of tobacco, the great mass of American reprints, consisting of the Bible, the works of Byron, Dickens, etc., and many other articles which are deadly abomina- tions to the revenue officers, which were conspicuous components of my traveling equipment, constituting, in fact, much the most considerable portion of it. Knowing, too, how bitter are the customs against articles of virtu, I thought I had especial cause to fear for the fate of my inestimable collection of weeds, lumps of rock, brick- bats, etc. that I had gathered from famous places, of which things of price I had a peck and a half or two pecks. But, after all, these distressing anticipations came ab- solutely to naught. It has long been a maxim that a man's appearance is fully competent to carry him smoothly over the rough places he will encounter in his pilgrimage through life. The soundness of this observa- tion was evinced on the present occasion, for to my looks alone am I to attribute the successful and easy tiding that I accomplished over this truly ominous trouble. OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 34 Y The fact is, that being none of your holiday tourists, but a pure and simple traveler after wisdom, I had burdened m3^self with no superfluity of apparel, and so in process of time had come to have something of a dilapidated, hoary, and amorphous guise as to the garments. More- over, not having shaved nor trimmed m}^ hair since leav- ing home, I had now gotten au eldritch look about the dome of thought and palace of the soul, and, taken alto- gether, had right smartly the seeming of a demon or wild man of the Western prairies. On the other hand, my companion, from the fact of being an invalid, had been forced to bring many changes of raiment, and accordingly was in condition to alwa3^s shine forth exceeding spruce and gentlemanlike. It came to pass, therefore, that the functionary of the custom-house, affected by his good clothes, gave him full credit for his station in society, but instead of according me my deserts as a learned and reverend professor of physic, he set me down as the valet. Well do I know there are abundance of my republican fellow-citizens who would have resented such an indignity as this, even to the sacrifice of their tobacco, and Bible, and everj'thing ; and who expect to read immediately that I snapped my fingers at the functionary's nose and peremptorily convinced him that he was the victim of an optical delusion. But, no — my temperament is too phi- losophical for anything of that sort. He might have burst with ignorance ere I had enlightened him ; for so long as I myself know what I am, knowing nothing to my disparagement, I care not the value of a canceled revenue stamp what the custom-house folks or any other folks think I am — and especially when it is to my advan- tage that they should think wrong. Therefore I let him retain his hallucination, under the influence of which he proceeded to inspect my companion's trunk, which he did in a most courteously cursory manner, — though, in truth, there was very little of a contraband nature in it, — and then, his hallucination obtunding him thoroughly, he suffered my trunk to pass without any inspection at all, taking it as well as myself to be the property of the well- dressed gentleman, and being too polite to subject a 348 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS person of his figure to further detention. Thus, it will be seen, how greatly I was indebted to mj appearance ; for had I been respectable-looking, my baggage would have been thought to belong to me and been examined likewise, when, unless the functionary had chosen to be guilty of misprision of perjury, I must have been well- nigh ruined. Highly elated at the satisfactory issue of our encounter with the great bugbear of the traveling public, we departed from the domains of the custom-house, and going a very short distance reached Morley's Hotel, where we proposed to sojourn during our stay in the metropolis. The obstacles that impeded us in our exploration of Paris operated equally in the case of London. We had little time, little money, and little curiosity. The very close approach of the Atlantic steamer's day of sailing made us too restless to be very persevering sight-seers. For my part, it was pleasure enough to walk up and down the streets, observing men and things as shown on these great thoroughfares. It is true I had to be circum- spect in doing this, for the passengers here are not as polite and considerate towards one another as they are in the streets of the Continental cities. The footmen will walk over you without scruple, and the hackmen will run over you most willingly. My spinal column was repeat- edly jarred as I sauntered along by the intrusive knee of some heedless pedestrian coming impulsively behind me. Tlie people are brisk, and shop-windows are fine, and the placards and posters are gigantic and glaring. To my eye London looks like New York magnified, — magnified very much — much more than the New Yorkers them- selves are disposed to believe. By far the most satisfying and substantial part of the pleasure I felt in London was from being once more in oral communication with the human species after so many months of practical dumbness. The change that a few hours' journey had wrought was marvelous and supremely delightful. It seemed really too good to be true that I could actually understand what people were saying around me, and I would stand still ofttimes merely to let my ears wanton in the luxurious melody. OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 349 It is not possible to convey an adequate idea of the thrills of rapture that shot through me when I discovered that I had an intelligent conception of the announcements of things for sale and their prices in the shop-windows. Oh ! thought I, as I read "Hot joints," " Half-and-half," "Pot-pie," "Hair brushes," "American drinks," "Only 2s. M: a yd.," " Is.," " 6rf.," and so on, — this is the lan- guage of Shakspeare, and Milton, and Byron, and blessed be the day that permits me to see and hear it again ! Yet more delightful was the fact that I could talk now without peril of unhinging my mind in the effort to make myself understood. I could scarcely have been more overjoyed at the release of my tongue had I been a woman. One of the most precious advantages that it guaranteed to me was that I could now walk the streets in security and peace of mind, knowing that when I got lost I was able to ask to be set right. In the Continental towns when prospecting through their intricate streets it was my prime care to take my bearings with mathemati- cal exactness, but when in spite of this I missed my way, as often happened, and the impotency of my condition ap- peared to me, I was prone to collapse in wild panic and be fit to drop. Many times in the Spanish and Italian cities had I been sunk into mute despair at finding myself in some obscure and dreary nook from which were half a dozen ways of egress, but only one of deliverance. It would have been a mockery of Heaven's good gift of speech had I attempted to ask any one to unravel the mystery, and my sole resource in such circumstances was to walk unintermittedly till I would be led back to the hotel providentially by a way I knew not of; and I may as well mention further, that inasmuch as I invariably reached my objective point in the end, I did sometimes get in a measure puffed up with the conceit that I was a marvelous proper topographer and a pathfinder of a right crafty skill, though, for all this, I must confess my collapse and demoralization recurred none the less surely under the appropriate provocation. Besides indulging in street-walking, I idled away much of my time in sauntering with my companion through the parks and gardens, of which there were several 80* 350 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS within commodious reach of Morley's. These, though they are not of surpassing elegance and beauty, are, nevertheless, tastefully arranged, well kept, and very pleasant places of resort. Our enjoyment of them was greatly enhanced by the delightful weather prevailing at that time, which was as fine as I ever experienced and utterly at variance with the current notions of London weather. The atmosphere was hazy, it is true, for this is an inevitable condition of it in London, but the tempera- ture was as genial and comforting as any reasonable creature ought to ask. And yet, so querulous and ex- acting is human nature, and especially English human nature, that I heard certain of the natives denouncing the meteorological status for being by no means what it ought to be. An abundance of respectable-looking vagrants lounge about these parks, and others a shade less respectable looking, with their legs alternately drawn up and extended, loll upon the grass. A plentiful quantity of nurses with children contribute to give variety to the grounds, and feathered songsters ruralize the scene ; but I observed that, unlike them of Paris, the birds here, taught I question not in the school of experience, keep sedulously aloof from the people of this latitude and trust nobody. Cursory as was my inspection of London, I yet took a glance 'at a few of its most noted objects of interest. Prominent in my recollection stands the British Museum. Of course I shall not attempt to describe all that is to be seen there. He would be an impetuously bold man and a voluminous writer who should adventure upon such an undertaking. I shall not attempt to ^ive even a skele- ton description of the stupendous collection. Let it suf- fice to say that there is a vast quantity of materials per- taining directly and indirectly to sundry Khamses and Nebuchadnezzars and other mighty men of the East, and relics of Greece and Rome without number. There are printed books by the hundred thousand, and manuscripts in proportion, with autographs of almost every famous and infamous dead and living man and woman gifted with the art of fingering a pen. There are mineralogical, geological, and botanical specimens by the cart-load, and OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 351 a truly appalling array of preserved birds, beasts, and fishes. There are — I know not what not. All this heter- ogeneous mass is admirably discriminated and arranged, there being one feature in the arrangement in particular of such singular merit that I cannot omit to mention it with the heartiest approbation, for it was one which I was grieved to find neglected in the otherwise well- ordered museums of Naples, Rome, and Paris, and, in- deed, in all the Continental museums 1 had visited — viz., the names and descriptions affixed to the objects are expressed in the English language. There is one circumstance connected with this Museum that I would not on any account pass over. In exploring the ornithological department, I was unable in the time at my disposal to discover any sample of the Great Amer- ican Kagle; but in place thereof what should I see but a feathered monster ostentatiously labeled "Great Amer- ican Turkey-Buzzard !" — perched up and fixed off with the identical sweep of Aving and cock of head which our artists love to give to their portraitures of the Fowl of Freedom. I do not suppose that anybody can fail to see in this another British outrage. Something ought to be done about it ; and I hope that, at the least, the honor- able Senator Sumner will include it in his Alabama ac- count along with the blood and treasure and sweat, wear of shoe-leather, detrition and fracture of teeth by hard- tack, blasphemies (the army swore terribly in Dixie), and the other items embraced by specification and implica- tion in his comprehensive bill of charges against Great Britain. Another object very prominent in my recollection of London is Westminster Abbey. It was with a feeling of solemn interest that I traversed this ancient pile. Graves of kings were about me, but I lingered not long at these. My footsteps turned more readily to "Poets' Corner." This is a small nook in the stately temple ; but what precious dust is gathered here ! Chancer, Shakspeare, Ben Jonson, Cowley, Milton, Dryden, Addi- son, Prior, Congreve, Gay, Thomson, Gray, Goldsmith, Garrick, Sheridan, Southey, Campbell, Wordsworth, Ma- caulay, Thackeray, lie within its precincts, or are com- 352 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS memorated by memorials. Some of them have uncon- sciously penned their own epitaphs, for their monuments are inscribed with words appropriately selected from their writings. It is so with Shakspeare ; so it is with Camp- bell ; and so it is with Gay, though his epitaph was penned consciously and selected, some think, very inap- propriately, being couched in this hideously humorous phrase : "Life is a jest, and all things show it — I thought so once, but now I know it." Since I trod this hallowed ground it has opened to re- ceive another of England's worthies, Charles Dickens — fit company for the worthiest there. Several others of the noted objects of London I saw, but as of the majority of them I saw only the outside, I shall not tantalize or deceive my reader by professing to describe them. I am none of your penetrating travelers who can stop a day in a place and know all about it and be qualified to give you an exact analysis of the character of the people. If I were I should not make a favorable report of those that dwell in London. Those I had dealings with were for the most part a very unceremonious, discourteous, snappish set of curmudgeons. But I am far from judging the whole by a part. I have no doubt there are some excellent persons somewhere in London, — there must be in so populous a place, — but very few of that class came within the scope of my observation. Probably they keep themselves close to avoid contami- nation by the rest. The very morning after reaching the city, on our first venturing forth, we were shamefully insulted by a red-coated miscreant, of a villainous salt- petre countenance and bearing, and with a gun in his hand, who, seeing us with our feet on the railing round a curious kind of cannon which we were inspecting in one of the parks, bade us take our feet off-o'-ther in such a short, hoarse, truculent voice that we did not under- stand him; whereupon he repeated his injunction with so great augmentation of emphasis and such snapping-up and putting into position of his firelock as greased our ears for the quick reception of his words and caused us OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIO. 353 to draw off from him, bating him in our hearts. Now had this been a French warrior, in all probability he would have entreated us to do him the pleasure and honor to remove our feet from the vailing if we could possibly make it consist Avith our convenience to do so, and most likely he would have been at a present-arms the whole time he was making the petition. Napoleon Bonaparte, among other remarks of his which have been recorded for our admiration, is reported to have declared that the English are a nation of shop- keepers. With all the deference due to so great a man, I think he spoke without adequate knowledge of the subject, if the shopkeepers of London are fair exemplars of the class. Had he ever gone a-shopping here he would have speedily found that they are wofully deficient in the prime element in shopkeeping, which is the courteous treatment of the customer. They may be tolerably con- ciliatory if they have the article you want; but if you ask for anything they happen not to have, the response in the negative is apt to be made very peremptorily and superciliously. The honor of your patronage may be accepted, but they are above soliciting it. In one of the shops where they did not have a certain book which I thought they would be likely to have, when I inquired politely where I would probably find it, I was told that I might get 'em where they made 'em, wherever that was, — an answer, methought, sufficiently correct in matter but something coarse in manner. Another of this nation of shopkeepers, an optical dealer, upon whose premises I had been seduced by his advertisement of stereoscopes for sale, denied having any such instruments on hand with such acrimony as almost terrified me. Indeed, had. I not usually been armed with a cane or umbrella, I ques- tion if I could have summoned enough valor to do any shopping in London at all. In Paris I had had a shop- woman to patiently overhaul hundreds of photographs in search of the low-priced picture I had asked for, and she would have gone on to overhaul thousands of them had not my own convenience obliged me to beg her to stop. Nothing approximating to this ever befell me in London. 354 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS My companion was much addicted to ornithology, having in his stronger days devoted a good deal of his time to the shooting of partridges and such like. His interest in this branch of science induced him one after- noon, as we were walking out, to pause before a bunch of defunct birds lying upon the pavement and to in- quire of the man in whose custody they were to what order and genus they might belong. The custodian, a burly, straddle-legged, firm-footed wretch, raised the birds aloft, and says he, " Do you want to buy 'em ?" " No," says my companion, " I don't want to buy 'em, I only want to know what they are." " Well," says he, " if you don't want to buy 'em, I want to sell 'em ;" and with this he slings the bunch of birds down, puts his arms akimbo, describes a quadrant of a circle by centre- ing himself on the heel of one foot, and kicks up the other to an angle of about a hundred and ten degrees. No further communication was had with him. Almost the only person I encountered in London who had a well-defined genius for business was the operator in a certain barbering saloon. As I have already had occasion to mention, I had not cut my hair or trimmed my beard since I left home, and the consequence was a wildness of growth of these appendages desirable to be curtailed, and an accumulation amongst them of sea-salt, dust of empires, remains of antiquity, etc. that I did not care to lug across the Atlantic with me. Seeing a promising place in the Strand where these alterations could be effected, I entered and commanded that they be done. The operator put me in position and at once began as minute a fingering of my cranium as if he were a phrenologist. " You 'ave fine 'air," said he, " remarkable fine 'air, sir. It is a pity you 'av'n't more hof it." "It is," returned I; "it is a great pity." "We 'ave a Preparation," said he, " wich we gorontee to prejuce it hout again as thick as hever." This Preparation I ascer- tained was "The Juice of Lime;" — the juice being, I would fain hope and believe, that of the fruit and not of the earth of this name. "You should hallow me," he continued, "to recommend it to you." "Certainly I will," replied I ; "recommend it to me, by all means." OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 355 "He-he!" tittered he; "you are jockler, sir." He, however, complied with my injunction and went on to deliver a powerful eulogium of the Juice of Lime as a fertilizer of the scalp. In the course of conversation he put himself in possession of the knowledg-e that I had been on the Continent. " The Continent," said he, " is hinjurous to people's 'eads. The salt gits in 'em in crossin' the Channel, and them countries is 'ot — the hair dries hup the 'air. Our customers always comes back with their 'eads hall brashy and split at the hends like yours is, but they beg-in with our Preparation, wich smooths 'em hoflf and puts a new glossh upon 'em at the first happlercation. You 'ave wery fine 'air, hall it wants is glossh." " Yes," said I, "it wants glossh." "Your 'ead is much soiled," he Avent on to say ; " dandriflf is acumerlated, the scalf looks un'ealthy, and the pores of the skin is stopped hup with prespreration. We 'ave a little treatus on the use and abe-use hof the 'air, showin' 'ow it may be preserved in youthfil lustrer to hextreme hold hage, wich we put in the wropper round our Prep- aration, wich is just the thing for you. 'Er Majesty and the Royil fam'ly happlies it to their hown 'eads and says there never was nothin' like it." After much more dis- course of the same tenor, perceiving what little progress he was making in converting me, he brought his opera- tions to a close by declaring that he would anoint my head with some of his Preparation, an3^how, — which he did, rapturously directing my attention to its exquisite odor and ecstatic lubricity ; and then, hitching a big out- landish-looking cylindrical brush to a pulley, which caused it to fly around equal to the drum of a thrashing-machine, he proceeded to brush my hair therewith. This was the first time my hair was ever brushed by machinery, and the impression made upon me was very great. Seeing me ready to depart he took a bottle of the Preparation in each hand, and, planting himself before me, made the most eloquent and able appeal in behalf of it that I have ever heard from mortal lips on any such topic. Simple courtesy would have dictated some notice on my part of such an oratorical effort, but its fervor and power compelled a formal reply. " Friend," said I, " for years I have 356 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS diligently used 'Dolbibby's Concentrated Compound Comminuted Extract of Guano, Highly Perfumed, for the Promotion of the Growth of tlie Hair,' and ' Professor Chinch Shadd's Natural Detergent, or Rational Com- bination of Soap, Soda, and Sandpaper, for Purifying the Scalp, Cleaning out Chicken-coops, Polishing the Teeth, and Removing Rust from Old Iron.' In spite of these my fine hair, as you yourself have discovered, has seriously diminished in quantity and has become brashy and split at the ends and deprived of its gloss, while my head is much soiled, dandruff has accumulated, the scalp looks unhealthy, and the pores of the skin are stopped up with perspiration. All this Avreck and desolation has come in spite of the use of the best preventives that the genius of man has ever devised; for, mark you I — Dolbibby's and Shadd's preparations are both compounded after recipes of my own invention. It would be stultifying myself to admit that anybody else's preparations are better than my own, and your proi)Osition to purchase the Juice of Lime is respectfully but firmly declined." His jaw dropped and we parted. Of the vices and of the virtues of London, is there not enough written in other travel-books ? It would seem that there dwell here the worst of villains — they who, after assassinating a fellow-man, will grind up his remains and put them upon the market done into sausages — and the best of Christians, — who send out flannel waistcoats to the tropical heathen. The social contrasts have also been thoroughly talked about. Some writers moralize with great power upon the vast distance that intervenes here between the top and the bottom rounds of the ladder of life — a marvelous thing, which they appear to have realized for the first time on arriving in London. For my part, I did not have to go to the great city to recog- nize this. I can see it plainly enough in my own little town. I have known, 1 think from my childhood, that very rich folks are better ofi" than very poor ones, and I must honestly admit that to my mind it is not very surprising that this should be so. Of a truth, London has its penury and its wealth, its disgraces and glories, its abasements and exaltations, its pains and pleasures, OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 3 5 7 its woes and joys, like every other spot on this Hell-cnrsed Heaven-blessed earth. Of the kind and degree of all these circumstances I conld not walk its streets without obtaining- some inkling, but if I were to presume to make specific mention of them, as well as of many other things, it could only be after another visit made under more propitious auspices. CHA.PTER XXVIL How we set out for Liverpool to embark for America, and of the agree- able Companion we journeyed with — A few Observations on Liverpool — A Glimpse of Ireland, and the Passage Home, with an Account of the Principal Passenger and of my Shipwreck, and the Conclusion of the Volume. One day more and we were to be upon the sea, home- ward bound. We employed this day, or three or four hours of it, in journeying to Ijiverpool, where lay the steamer that was to take us over. It was a pleasant journey, for we happened to be quartered with an un- usually communicative old English gentleman, who, find- ing we were from America, set us down for barbarians, who knew nothing, and availed himself of the circum- stance to make himself great and glorious in our eyes. Thus, he related an interesting anecdote of how adroitly on one occasion he had reserved a whole compartment of a railroad carriage to himself and friend by feigning to be conveying the said friend to a lunatic asylum. He told it with great minuteness and particularity, and caused us to laugh with a heartiness which would have astonished him had he known that we had not heard it above fifty times before in our own country. He also drew forth his watch, a hunting-case affair, and directed our especial at- tention to the singularly great improvement effected by making a little circular aperture in the centre of the case, by which the face could be seen without the trouble of springing the cover. He informed us that he was the inventor of this admirable device, the idea having oc- 31 358 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS curred to him of a sudden on his present trip to London. We lauded it as a real advance in watch-making, and, to show that the appreciation was genuine, my companion pulled out a time-piece with identically the same improve- ment, which he had bought some time before from an horologer, who had scores of them. The inventor was stunned for a little while by the sight of it, but rallied under the remark that coincidence in invention was not very uncommon. At one of the stopping-places we thought the old fellow was in a fit; but he explained that he was merely recognizing his friend the brother of the Eremier ; and, from the very decided commotion under which he was laboring, we thought that it was really probable he had seen the apparition of some great man or other. On the whole, our friend was a very agree- able person, talking much on many topics ; and, with the limitation that we could not believe a word he said, we got a vast deal of information out of him. We thought, indeed, he was a little too ancient to be carrying on so ; but, as it did us no harm and him so much good, we took no step to dash his joy. The district of country through which we passed was, for the most part, level and sprinkled with trees, and thickly settled and highly cultivated. We reached Liv- erpool early in the afternoon, being let down into it along an inclined plane through a tunnel by means of a rope, an operation which we underwent with admiration not unmixed with awe. Upon the recommendation of our fellow-passenger, we repaired to the hotel called after the Father of his Country, namely, Washington, and, in this particular at least, found that he might be depended upon ; for, though it may possibly not be the best of hotels, it is good enough for one who is going to leave the country the next morning. In this establishment they observe the good old English custom of having a maid to keep bar, and a lady also presides in the office. Having dined, I strolled forth to get what idea I might of the place in the few hours I could devote to it. I do not be- lieve there is much of general interest to be seen in Liver- pool. It is a business town, and the inhabitants are a prac- tical people, more disposed to accumulate money for their OF A DOCTOR OF PffYSIC. 359 own proper good than to waste it in making displays for the benefit of strangers. I came across a monument to the Duke of Wellington, and another to His Royal Highness Prince Albert, which had that cold, gloomy, lonely look which runs in the family of monuments. I also contem- plated St. George's Hall, hard by the monuments, which is the great hall of the town ; and afterwards stumbled into and walked through the Roscoe Arcade, which is a kind of caravansary for the sellers of sere-and-yellow-leaf furniture, and where I was treated with open contumely and profound contempt because it appeared not to me judicious to traffic for an old buggy bedstead and a bureau with the varnish all rasped oft". Liverpool is a smoky place, and for so important a one presented, it seemed to me, no very prepossessing aspect, though, in truth, I inspected it only in the vicinity of the hotel. When I came forth the next morning I was astonished at beholding all the horses in town discharging their duties gloriously arrayed in gay cloths and crowned with flowers. IJpon inquiry I ascertained that this was done in honor of May-day, it being the praiseworthy custom of the place on this festival to gladden the hearts of the quadrupeds with the delights of finery, that they too might participate in the rejoicings incident to the occasion. Another astonishment awaited us when we came to settle our bill. In this document we found recorded against us between thirty and forty drinks, potations of the preceding night. They were all speci- fied minutely on the authority of the bar-maid, and com- prised a few ales, some gins, several whiskies, and very many brandies. We stood appalled at this stupendous catalogue, and as soon as we could recover breath flatly denied the charges. The lady of the office scanned us, and clearly perceiving that we were not of a stomach to take in these things and live to dispute the bill, was pleased to remit the items from us and set them to some- body else's account. In a few minutes we were on the tender and making our way to the steamer, which was awaiting us out in the river. We now had the opportunity of contemplat- ing the magnificent docks, works of solid stone, miles in 3G0 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS extent, and justly the pride of Liverpool. Oar eyes were also refreshed by the view of the river itself; for the Mersey is here a fine stream, whose broad expanse con- forms to the American idea of what a river ought to be. Presently we were on board the steamer, where, for our own parts, owing to our moderation in baggage, we were comfortably domiciliated at once and at leisure to observe our English fellow-passengers, who were straight- way flung into a tremendous pother and perspiration, and remained so for a long period, by reason of the perplex- ing multiplicity of their packages. About one o'clock we set out, steaming along in gallant style, but shortly slackened speed to receive the mails and three or four of that strange sort of travelers who inevitably start by the last opportunity instead of the first; after which we went fairly and squarely on our way. After passing a dreadful night, occasioned by the hid- eous noises on board, especially those arising from the cleaning of ashes from the boilers and the songs with which the mariners beguiled their labors, at nine o'clock next morning we came to anchor before Queenstown, where we were to stop till the afternoon to take on the latest mails. The little mail-steamer coming off to us soon after, several of the passengers took the opportunity of going ashore in her to get a peep at old Ireland, — among them a fat and facetious German gentleman long resident in England and myself. Between him and me a strong friendship had already been established in con- sequence of the congeniality of our dispositions, both of us being irrepressible commentators on men and things and terrible jabberers at meat, and we associated our- selves together on this expedition. The harbor of Queenstown is a very fine one and strongly fortified, and the scenery around it is really lovely. Queenstown itself is a picturesque and small place, which would be an exquisitely dull one into the bargain were it not enlivened to the last degree by beggars. This active class of the Queenstown community were as numerous as at Cadiz, and far more tormenting, from the fact that they could put themselves in verbal com- OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 361 munication with us. No sooner did we touch terra firma than we were beset by them in shoals. The large majority of them were widows, according to their own showing, — old widows and young widows, each provided with a preternatural quantity of children. They wel- comed us in the most enthusiastic manner, blessing the day that brought us to their shores, and giving glory that they had been spared to see our honors. Unbounded encomiums were showered not merely upon our moral but our physical loveliness. Never before did I know wherein my comeliness consisted, but these acute ob- servers pointed out my lurking beauties at first sight; and as for my fat friend, had he not been a philosopher indifferent to these vanities, he must have become puffed up to bursting with the commendations lavished upon the shapely rotundity of his body and the symmetrical massiveness of his head. Clamorous with compliments, the widows pursued us high and low all over town, trooping with their menagerie of children close upon our heels when we walked and camping round about us when we stopped to rest. In time, however, they began to see that we were men of obdurate hearts which were not to be softened by blandishments ; and now the innate delusiveness of widows began to display itself. Their compliments were suspended, and in place of them came the most derogatory declarations and most opprobrious comments. Somehow they had imbibed the idea that I was a man of natural benevolence, passing friendly to widows and willing to relieve their distresses, but that my amiable intentions were kept from fructifying by the malign interposition of my fat friend. In this supposi- tion they certainly did him gross injustice, but it had the good effect, at any rate, of preserving me from the heaviest of their tire and concentrating it upon him. Their remarks were exceeding pointed and peppery, and very painful to hear. " Be gorra," said an old widow, "the worrums will have fine atin' av him, blissed be the sints in glowry!" Said another old widow, "Down't ye ax the ould divil inny mowre — his hid an' his billy's too big to hiv innything good in 'em." Harassed out of his wits bv the everlasting homily of a young widow con- 31* 362 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS cerning his duty to take care of the fatherless, mj friend was so indiscreet as to ask her why she had so many children. The young widow blazed up terribly at this question, and among other dreadfully disparaging things screamed to him that he might break his very shin-bones in trying to get only one and would fail. The persecu- tion was now getting too fierce and fiery to be borne, and we were compelled to retreat to the mail-boat and hide to save ourselves. Terror of the captain prevented them from following us, and here we remained, cowering behind the machinery, till at last to our great joy the mails came down and were taken on board and we were ready to return to the steamer. The body of widows collected in force on the wharf to see us off, chattering and clamoring and commenting upon us in the most un- gentlemanly terms, my unfortunate fat friend being sin- gled out for the crudest of their animadversions. And so it came to pass, that whereas beggars welcomed me into Europe, so did beggars hustle me out of it. At four o'clock the engines were put in motion to be stopped no more now till we were on the other side of the world. We were done with mankind for a time, or for- ever, — who could tell ? — and must rely upon ourselves. We watched the receding land, those of us who were going home, cheerfully — those of us who were leaving it, sorrowfully — as long as it could be seen, and when dark- ness came we watched a far-off lighthouse. Its benignant light was still gleaming upon us late in the night when I retired to rest, and this was the last I saw of Europe. Our steamer was constructed on the same model as the Guipuzcoa, the Spanish ship that bore us over from Cuba, but was larger than that worthy old craft. From what I had heard of the line to which she belonged I was pre- pared for better accommodations than were furnished. With proper allowance for the ditference between Spanish and English cookery, the fare was inferior to that of the Guipuzcoa, inferior in the variety, profusion, and general " make up" of the dishes. The flesh and fowl were prone to be indifferent well flavored, and were oftentimes pesti- lently sturdy in resisting the teeth. Neatness was, how- ever, in higher esteem on this vessel, except in one impor- OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 363 tant particular— there were no table-napkins. Some of us with beards and moustaches who were soup-eaters, perceiv- ing- what great embarrassments this neglect would entail, made bold at the outset to seize each for himself a waiter's towel, notwithstanding the earnest protestation of the stew- ard against the proceeding, and contrived to maintain pos- session of it during: the whole voyage — one or two being so fortunate, indeed, as to be able to secure a second towel towards the last. One of the most reprehensible features iu the management was the attempt to crowd all the pas- sengers at one table. In this they nearly or quite suc- ceeded, and the consequence was that we ate at immense disadvantage, being eternally in one another's way. This state of things could notbut hinder the growth of the kindly feelings amongst us, for we could not but rejoice when our neighbor was laid low by sea-sickness and lament when he rose again, seeing that our own comfortable feeding was involved in his presence or absence. Our first dinner to- gether was a disastrous botch, no man knowing his rights or respecting those of other people. The waiters, too, may be said to have been all at sea, trotting hither and thither taking orders and forgetting to execute them. After this, however, things gradually began to adjust themselves, and by the time we reached New York were getting into quite a promising state. By that time all the loquacious portion of the company had gravitated to one end of the table, hav- ing driven away the quiet eaters, and especially frightened off what ladies had quartered there at first. The fat and facetious German gentleman was one of this band, and so was I, and the uproar they made at meal-times was stu- pendous. Our passengers were of the general run of decorous, unos- tentatious, companionable passengers, with nothing about most of them particularly characteristic. There was a lady who had crossed the ocean twenty-seven times. There was also an old gentleman with an incurable organic dis- ease of the eyes which had impaired his sight so that he had to be led about the deck, who had been treated unsuc- cessfully by the best oculists of London and Paris and was now journeying to New York to put himself under the care of one of our celebrated "natural healers," — an interesting 364 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS case, since it showed the reco,2:nition of American talent abroad, and pitiable, too, in that a sensible, amiable, fee- ble old man should be deluded into adventuring all this weary way on a fool's errand. We had, however, one pretty prominent character amongst us — a gentleman spoken of and addressed by his wife under the appellation of Mr. Richard. He was English by birth, but had been naturalized in the United States, and had resided for a great many years in one of our large Western cities, where he had become thoroughly impregnated with American ideas and principles, and now esteemed himself as perfect an American as if he had been born in the country. He was an exceedingly knowing gentleman, versed in any topic that could be started, and quick to enter into conversation, which he had the most admirable knack of speedily transforming into a controversy. He clipped the king's English freely, and was greatly addicted to metaphor and sub- stantial portly words, speaking in a strain sometimes trenching closely upon the poetical. By all odds his most favorite field of argument was the political. On this account especially I held him to be an inestimable acquisition to the ship, for he kept us continually in the current of national politics, which \s Vae pabulum pabu- loruvi of enlightened Americans. He was of the sect which is called " Copperheads," being one of the worst amongst them. It made the nerves curdle to hear him detail the enormities which had been and were yet being perpetrated by his ravening enemies the Radicals, which had reached so sanguinary a pitch as to preclude him from ever speaking of the land of his adoption in any other form of words than " Our bleedin' country." When not debating or expounding, he could usually be found on the upper deck, sitting with a thick stick in his hand, looking straight out to sea, with his aged black beaver hat well on the back of his head, and with his mouth puckered up and his visage wearing a cast of the mourn- fulest reverie, and when his meditations would be brought to light, they would invariably prove to be grounded upon the woes of our bleedin' country aforesaid. I early became acquainted with Mr. Richard, the ac- OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 365 quaintance being brought about ere we were yet out of sight of Liverpool by a surmise of niine that we might have a safe passage, — with which surmise he immedi- ately took issue, advancing several reasons why we might not. A discussion ensued and then other con- versation, by which he learned that I was from the South. He now warmed to me at once, regarding me in the light of one who had suffered in an especial manner from the persecutions of the public eneni}'. "I mourn for you," said he ; and then imposing his massive hand with a paternal flop upon my shoulder-blade he bade me cher riqo, for, he continued, " at the next election we will root down them who're gnashin' their bloody fangs over a hopeless pipple." I expressed to him what a weight he had lifted from my heart by this assurance, and he went on to tell me privately, with the request that I v/ould not mention to any one that he had said so, that in his opinion the Radical party were Nerios bent on destroyerin' the liberties of our bleedin' country, and next let me into some of their villainies in the matter of the tariff, and in otlier matters which I did not entirely understand, but agreed that it was indeed but too true. All this led to a review of the war, which he criticised with great severity. " They tried to force my son in," said he, "but they couldn't git him to fight you." And he related an incident which displayed the magnanimity of the young man's character in a striking light. He had been drafted and the officers went forth to take him in his slaughter-pen, where he was peacefully pursuing his regular avocation of killing hogs. When he was apprised of their errand, as quick as lightning he uplifted his reeking butcher-knife, and exclaimed he, — " Before I Avill be taken to the army I'll plurnge this weepin' through and through me — by Gum!" They were too nimble for him, however, for ere he could execute his threat they had secured him inextricably. " But," added the father, triumphantly, " he was as good as his word, — he wouldn't fight aginst you, — he bought a substoot. " Mr. Richard then proceeded to recount a mass of re- volting barbarities inflicted on the soldiers themselves, particularly how they were robbed of things sent to 366 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS them. I was in full accord with his feelings on this point, being cognizant that similar atrocities were wrought on our own side during the war, and I became equally hot in venting my wrath against the perpetrators of them. And, indeed, what outrage can be more villainous ? Amongst civilians universally the robbery of a church is held to rank with the basest of crimes, but as a warrior I protest that the robbery of a soldier's box sent him by the loving ones who have stinted and starved themselves to give a son or brother a little taste of home comforts is worse than sacrilege. Ah, me! the shrieks, and roars, and tears, and curses that I have seen and heard over the scraps of paper, the empty bottles, and desolate tin pie-plates revealed upon the raising of the box-lid, — and all without avail, for never on any occasion within my knowledge could justice be got to overtake the demons who wrought the ravage. There were some of the opposing sect on board, and it would have been against reason had so blatant a reviler of their principles as Mr. Richard was been permitted to go long without an attempt to check him. In fact, so soon as the second day, while we were yet lying at anchor in the harbor of Queenstown, a Radical champion went up against him in his camp on the upper deck, where a terrible battle of words was at once joined. The Copperhead declared that the Radical party was a con- glomernation of vill'ny, and that he was for liberty. The Radical replied that he was for country. The Copper- head rejoined that shoulder-straps and shoddy had been the ruin of his bleedin' country. The Radical retorted that the Copperheads were in favor of paying the Rebel debt. At this Mr. Richard waxed wroth exceedingly and notified his adversary that since he had commenced to throw epithrets he himself could throw epithrets, too ; and straightway began to do so. The Radical finding that he was unable to withstand the jagged and shapeless verbal masses that now came showering upon him, and being incapable of replying in kind, fell back, — to the disgust of the triumphant Copperhead, who complained that it was invariably the case that as soon as he cornered one of them he would run away. This encounter diffused OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 361 around such a just conception of Mr. Richard's calibre that though there were many passages of arms between him and the rest of the company afterwards, it was always understood by everbody but himself that they were merely feints, and that no one cared to cope with hiai in serious argument. As a whole, the passage was a dull one. The captain, unlike him of the Guipuzcoa, neither laughed, nor screamed, nor played on the gourd for us, but, on the contrary, was a grave, sober, reserved mariner, who de- voted his attention exclusively to the navigation of the ship, leaving the passengers to their own devices. Neither did these sing and dance of nights, as did our Spanish fellow-voyagers, but betook themselves to such sedate pursuits as whist and checkers. The earlier portion of the day would be worried through by the sedentary in' yawning over the books of the library, and by the active in distressing efforts to play a species of croquet and other games, wo-begone sea-faring adaptations of earthly pastimes. Meal-times were the most pleasant seasons, and much jocularity prevailed on these occasions, at least at our end of the table, where the fat and facetious Ger- man gentleman would lead off and be ably aided and abetted by the rest till the inappreciative steward would break us up by lugging off the dishes and dragging away the table-cloth. After dinner this roistering segment of the company would concentrate in the cuddy to smoke, re- count adventures, and mayhap to sing. At these con- vocations the Coppei'head usually attended to refresh us with his exhaustive disquisitions, and once or twice he was induced to unbend sufficiently to volunteer a song. This song was a naval ditty, setting forth the exploits of the immortal Nelson, and was enriched with a chorus whose curious collocation of " yilly-yilly-yum-yio" and " tilly-tilly-tum-tio " would have irresistibly struck the auditor whoever might have been the chorister, but, as rendered by the present executioner, filled every soul with unimaginable emotions. Such, however, was the recognized merit of the performance that, although no one could tell for certain whether the melodist was sing- ing or crying, and he had, moreover, to come to a dead 368 TIJE BOOK OF TRAVELS halt at the end of the first two lines of every stanza to consider what were the last two, the assembly received it with unbounded applause and rapturously demanded a repetition. It was at one of these cuddy meetings that I gained an opportunity to unburden myself of a matter which I was never able before to satisfactorily discharge. The subject of shipwreck was introduced, and, getting the ears of the convocation, I was for once in a position to detail fully to an intelligent and sympathetic audience a disaster of the kind which it had been my fate to be called upon to endure. Pause we right here for a moment. It is a maxim continually enforced by moralists that it is in our power to profit ourselves by every stroke of adversity that be- falls us, and they cogently inculcate it as a solemn duty we owe to ourselves to do so. This is my own sentiment in the matter, and, indeed, I am not one to suffer gratui- tously if I can help it. But, up to this time, I have not derived one iota of benefit from my shipwreck, and this I conceive is attributable to the fact that it has never be- come generally known, there having been no one with common charity enough to talk about my calamities and get them into profitable circulation. Nay, I know some people so selfish as to deprive me of the comfort and ad- vantage of my sufferings by slurring over and smothering the subject even after it had been broached, and when I was hopeful of achieving therefrom a goodly degree of repute and consideration among my fellow-citizens. I am determined that this state of things shall stop. I have suffered from silence long enough, and I mean to suffer no longer. My shipwreck would certainly be worth something to me if it were properly brought before the public, and, since no one will do this paltry service for me, now that the opportunity offers I shall summon my manliness to my aid, beat down my modesty, and do it for myself. I beseech of the reader, therefore, as a simple act of justice to a man whose name has been unright- eously kept out of the newspapers, to peruse the follow- ing succinct narrative, which is in substance what I re- lated in the conference above mentioned ; and let him not OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 369 niggardly keep it to himself, but let him show at least a spark of magnanimity by bringing it to the attention of the females of his family : Some years ago it chanced that I was tarrying in Jerusalem, of Southampton, in Yirginia. While there abiding I made acquaintance with that admirable old salt, Captain Sylvester Drake, commander of the A No. 1 river craft, the Jane Eliza, who, taking a fancy to me, was pleased to tender me the hospitalities of his ship on my way home. The Jane Eliza was then at the port of Smithfield, on James River, a few miles distant, where she was loading with jugs for the Richmond market. I gratefully accepted his kind proffer, and at the proper time repaired to Smithfield and embarked. In the middle of a pleasant day, some twelve hours after we were all ready to go, we gradually set sail and departed with the bcr.edictions of the citizens and a full cargo. The ship's company consisted of Captain Drake, who also acted as cook and anchor-dropper, and a reflect- ive man, whose duty it was to abut against the tiller and bring the vessel up whenever she showed a tendency to veer more than forty- five degrees from the direct course. There were no passengers other than nn- self. We moved demurely along without the occurrence of anything par- ticular till sunset, when we ran ashore, and, dropping an- chor at the bow, tied our stern to a tree, and so reposed in quietude all night. Next morning, after breakfast, we set out again and traveled on pleasantly, the captain beguiling the hours by eating peanuts, and I by picking oakum. The afternoon was a remarkably fine one, and this circumstance, con- joined with the fact that we were now arrived at a famous oyster-ground, induced Captain Drake about four o'clock to knock oft" for the day and lay by. A pair of oyster- tongs was a portion of the normal furniture of the Jane Eliza, and albeit it was in the summer season, when this species of fish has lost its obesity and is withal in ill re- pute as to wholesoraeness, we lowered the boat and be- took ourselves for the remainder of that pleasant afternoon to the extraction and the cooking and eating of oysters. 32 370 THE BOOK OF TRAVELS It was most delightful. Alas, what a disastrous day was to follow this festive night ! We started rather early the ensuing morning, for the captain had hopes. Providence permitting, to get some- where in the neighborhood of Richmond that evening. I was still abed on the cabiu-table and a bacon-box (for though the captain had most politely insisted on giving me his berth I positively refused to deprive him of it), my whole strength employed in digesting the oysters I had eaten, when of a sudden the Jane Eliza received a blow which seemed to shiver her timbers, and which was accompanied with a rushing of waters and the most appalling rattling of jugs that the human mind can con- ceive of I was on my head in an instant and as soon as possible on my feet, and forthwith hurried on deck. The horrid truth loomed high before me in the shape of one of those gigantic plain matter-of-fact structures which by an outrageous misnomer are called Lighters, being in truth heavier than any other specimen of naval architecture. It appeared that our reflective steersman, intent on intro- spection, had failed to look out, and so had suffered the Jane Eliza to be run down by the lighter, — to which, of course, no blame could be attached, since this kind of craft does not profess to steer and is too self-sufficient to have the inclination, even if it had the power, to get out of anybody else's way. A great hole had been staved in the Jane Eliza's bow, her doom had been inexorably pronounced, and it was clear that no human power could save her. All that remained for us was to endeavor to save ourselves. By a prodigious effort. Captain Drake and myself mounted into the lighter, being generously assisted by the colored navigators of that portentous craft, but the steersman, true to his nautical instincts, remained faithfully abutting against the tiller, and would probably have gone down at his post had not Captain Drake from the lighter's side screamed to him, " Come out o' thar, you darned lubber!" He obeyed orders and came, being encouraged all the way by such expressions as "A divil of a mess you've made of it, ain't you ?" and " Darn you !" frequently repeated. And now from the lighter's side we saw and heard the OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 371 good ship Jane Eliza and her precious freight of innumer- able jugs struggling with the pitiless element. It was au awful scene, utterly indescribable, but never to be forgotten. High above all was the dreadful gurgling of the jugs as they drank in their death potion. " Iggle- iggle-iggle," squeaked the little jugs, — "oggle-oggle- oggle," moaned the medium jug'S, — " uggle-uggle-uggle," groaned the big jugs. For yards around the water boiled and bubbled in a way only to be paralleled by the seeth- ing pool of Phlegethon. Let the reader look within and picture for himself, if he can, this tremendous spectacle, for what pen can adequately describe the shipwreck of a bark laden with jugs ? The direful sights and sounds gradually became stilled, but for a long time after the accustomed calm had over- spread the scene there would at intervals come forth the last bubblings of some long-enduring jug, tenacious of its vital air, which had at length succumbed. We gazed in a sort of fascination upon the spectacle, watching it intently to the last, and I think our heads must have been turned by its horrors, for we — that is, the colored navi- gators and myself — frequently broke into wild peals of laughter. The Jane Eliza was gone forever, and with her were gone my hat, coat, vest, pantaloons, and shoes and stockings ; but I myself had been mercifully delivered from the dangers and inconveniences of submersion, and I was tolerably thankful. The lighter people were as kind as they could be to us, though their kindness was necessarily restricted by their circumstances, — there being nothing to eat, drink, or wear on board. They, however, cordially permitted us to walk about in the water in the bottom of the lighter and to sit on the beams. I was pained to see that Captain Drake and his reflective steersman, instead of being united by calamity, now began to fall further and further asunder. A distressingly contentious argument arose between them in discussing the theory of the catastrophe, which culmi- nated on the part of the steersman in a positive declaration that he would never give Captain Drake the benefit of his services again. We drifted hither and thither on the lighter till the 372 'THE BOOK OF TRAVELS Norfolk steamer on her way to Richmond hove in sijrht. We hailed her and she stopped, and the commander, when we had told our sad story, moved by that generous sympathy which actuates mariners towards their ship- wrecked brethren, granted us a free passage, — Captain Drake lending me his pea-jacket in order that I might present myself before the deeply interested passengers of the steamer with something of that seemliness befitting a man of my station and function. On the steamer I procui-ed a full outfit of sailor-clothes, and so reached home, greatly chastened and sobered by the momentous scenes through which I had passed. Return we now to the main current of our narrative. The weather for most of the time was good and the sea smooth. For the first day or two we suifered from a mild visitation of sea-sickness, all the ladies having to lie down below, except the veteran of the twenty-seven crossings, who came manfully up to time at every meal. We soon became acclimated, however, and only a few sporadic cases of the malady occurred during the rest of the voyage. As we advanced westward, we began to be notably disturbed by the roosters on board, who having but a poor conception of longitude persisted in crowing by Liverpool time and broke us of our rest of nights. When we got on the banks of Newfoundland, we were beset by tremendous fogs, compelling us to extraordinary circumspection in navigation and a lavish blowing of the whistle. The weather, too, in these regions grew pierc- ingly cold, freezing the convocation of the cuddy out completely. On the second Sunday we had divine service in the cabin, nn^ professional brother, the ship's surgeon, officiating, and with an edifying impressiveness not to be expected from one who was so nimble a swearer as in my communion with hmi I had noted him to be. After prayers this same Sunday we had a series of little whirl- winds, typhoons, and other aerial gvmnastics, which caused the wind to whip about ahead, astern, and abeam, discomfiting landsmen and making the mariners stand by their ropes. And on the ensuing morning it was darkly whispered about ship that that night we had by a hands- breadth escaped colliding with another vessel. OF A DOCTOR OF PHYSIC. 373 But thanks, hearty and sincere thanks, to the beneficent Power which had blessed me with the opportunity of enjoying so many new and interesting scenes, and had mercifully guarded me amongst them all, when I arose on the morning of the tenth day from Liverpool my eyes were gladdened by the sight of my native land. In a few hours we were in New York. In two days I w^as at home, and the journey was ended. THE END. POPULAR WORKS PUBLISHED BY J, B. LIPPINCOTT & CO., PHILADELPHIA. IVfLL BE iBN'l BV MAIL, POST-PAID, ON' RECEIPT OF PRICE. Forgiven at Last. A Novel. 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