D 526 *,** < ^ * : % t* ^* •- V* Drawn by Orson Lowell, New York Sweet are the juices of adversity As Germany is said to be short of fats, we make this suggestion to the Kaiser's subjects "LONG LIVE THE KAISER"-! Verses and Drawings by The American Press Humorists BOSTON SMALL, MAYNARD & COMPANY PUBLISHERS T\5"2.G .2. Copyright, 1917 By SMALL, MAYNARD & COMPANY (incorporated) 4 o OEC 23/317 ©C/.4479734 rt> PREFACE Mr. Shakespeare, who also wrote some very good stuff, has expressed the opinion that "the evil that men do lives after them." The humorists of the American press wish to suggest to Fate that, in the case of the Kaiser, that gentleman be not permitted to make any such easy get-away. They therefore, and in that spirit, propose the toast, "Long Live the Kaiser!" "The men who make America laugh" have no quarrel with the German people, or the American people of German birth or ances- try. They love the German, but dislike the Germaniac. That the Kaiser may live to see not only the evil of his days, but also the evil of his ways, and that peace may return to all the nations, and laughter to all the world, is the hope and prayer of The American Press Humorists. CONTENTS Verses p a ge Long Live the Kaiser! Don Marquis, The Evening Sun, New York .... 17 The Poilu's Prayer. Ted Robinson, The Plain Dealer, Cleveland 18 Long Live the Kaiser! J. A. Waldron, Editor of Judge, New York .... 20 Ready to Go. Walt Mason, Emporia, Kansas 23 Long Live the Kaiser ! (A German-Ameri- can to his Fatherland.) Douglas Mal- loch, The American Lumberman, Chicago 24 Long Live the Kaiser! ! ! Ray I. Hopp- man, The Evening Telegram, New York 26 Long Live the Kaiser! J. U. Higinbotham, Detroit 29 Precedents. W. Kee Maxwell, The Times, Akron 30 Pals! Lowell Otus Reese, Fruitvale, Cali- fornia 3 2 CONTENTS — Continued Page Long Live the Kaiser! Charles A. Leedy, The Telegram, Youngstown . . . -34 Long Live the Kaiser! Tod Chevenix, New York 36 Punishment. J. E. Sanford, New York . 38 Hoch! E. Tracy Sweet, The Scrantonian, Scranton 41 Long Live the Kaiser! A. Walter Utting, The Tribune, New York 45 Long Live the Kaiser! Maurice Switzer, New York 46 Long Live the Kaiser! Dixon Merritt, Nashville 47 Long Live the Kaiser! J. J. Mundy, The Star, Ashtabula 49 Live on — and on — and on. A. J. Water- house, Sacramento 50 Long Live the Kaiser! Frank J. Price, The Morning Telegraph, New York . . 54 CONTENTS — Continued Page Long Live the Kaiser! Robert L. Pember- ton, The Oracle, St. Mary's, West Virginia 56 Long Live the Kaiser! Joe Cone, Say- brook, Connecticut 57 Long Live the Kaiser! Walter Juan Davis, The Morning Telegraph, New York . . 59 Long Live the Kaiser! Strickland Gillilan, Roland Park, Maryland 60 Long Live the Kaiser! George Douglas, The Chronicle, San Francisco ... 63 A Prayer. Kenneth L. Roberts, The Post, Boston 65 Here is a Hope for the Kaiser. George Bingham, Hogwallozv Kentuckian, May- field, Kentucky 6j Hoch der Kaiser! Henry Edward Warner, The Sun, Baltimore 68 Aftermath. Grif Alexander, The Bulletin, Philadelphia 69 CONTENTS — Continued Page Hoch der Kaiser! Edward W. Miller, Chicago 7 2 Long Live the Kaiser! McLandburgh Wilson, The Sun, New York .... 73 America's Creed. James T. Sullivan, The Globe, Boston 74 Hoo's Hoo in Germany. John W. Carey, The Review, Rock Rapids, Iowa ... 76 The Scourge of Hell. Robertus (Bert) Love, St. Louis 80 Peace for the Kaiser. Grantland Rice, The Tribune, New York 81 Drawings Sweet are the juices of adversity. Orson Lowell, New York . . . . Frontispiece* Forever and a day! Robert J. Dean, The Morning Telegraph, New York . 21 ' "But leave to me his cold right eye." Ray I. Hoppman, The Evening Telegram, New York 27 • CONTENTS — Continued Page May the Kaiser live in useful confinement. William Donahey, The Tribune, Chicago 39/ "Where the iceman cometh not!" Wil- liam Steinke, The Scrantonian, Scranton, Pennsylvania 43^ Forever alone with it. Don Herold, In- dianapolis 51 / The dam'd spots will never out. William Steinke, The Scrantonian, Scranton, Pennsylvania 61' "Who's All the Works in Deutschland?" J. N. Darling ("Ding"), The Tribune, New York 77 " LONG LIVE THE KAISER"- LONG LIVE THE KAISER! Long live the Kaiser! Grant him brooding time To know the Kaiser! Let him meditate Upon these writhen lands deflowered in hate, And all these trampled spirits maimed of crime. Long live the Kaiser! Let him not escape, By easy death, the goads of his own mind; Down thought's abysms harried, let him find, And loathe, himself in every monstrous shape. By womanhood twice-murdered, wife and nun, By lusts that have our cleanlier world defiled, By the piteous wrists of many a mangled child, Let him not die too soon! Long live the Hun! Long live the Kaiser! Keep him sane and whole, Make keen his filmy inward eye to see Shadows of woe in endless pageantry Move through the haunted caverns of his soul. Long live the Kaiser! — till with noonday breath He troubles Heaven praying noon away, And out of midnight visions begs for day, And dawn or dusk pleads brokenly for death. Don Marquis. [17] THE POILU'S PRAYER O God, save the Kaiser! Thy power alone Can hold him away from his fate; Under naught but thy might can he fail to atone For his work of destruction and hate. Oh, guide the avenger away from his path, Bid even his conscience be still — Withhold from his spirit thy terrible wrath With the strength of Omnipotent Will ! O God, save the Kaiser! I do not beseech This boon for the sake of his soul; Nor even in hope that the future may teach What death would erase from the scroll. There are some wish him kept from his natural end Lest some pang for his crimes he may miss — That his age may be hell. But I do not pretend, O Lord, that I'm praying for this! O God, save the Kaiser alive for the day That is coming, or early or late, When the Tricolor flaps in the Siegesallee, And my regiment batters his gate; When they bid us stack arms, and my captain's commands Give rest to our tired-out men, And I seek out the throne room, with bare, eager hands — O God, save the Kaiser till then! [18] God punish the butchers who dragged through the dust The mother who gave me my life ! God torture the fiends in their tigerish lust That robbed me of children and wife! God visit the weight of thy terrible hand On the hosts that, dishonoring thee, Brought ruin and death to an innocent land — But, O God, save the Kaiser for me! Ted Robinson [19 LONG LIVE THE KAISER! Long live the Kaiser! Not as others age, But with the senses that the conscience spur All fresh and quickening. Let Death demur And, grinning, hold aloof and mock his rage! Long live the Kaiser! May he fully reap From all the seed barbaric he has sown, Abhorred of all the earth, solaced by none, And wakeful ever be, and never sleep! Long live the Kaiser! May he ever hear Cries of the tortured. May he ever see The maimed and bleeding. May he try to flee, Yet everywhere be halted by his fear! May ages yet to come find him the same! Anathema forever be his name ! J. A. Waldron. 20] Drawn by Robert J. Dean, The Morning Telegraph, New York Forever and a day! READY TO GO I've seen all things a man may see, I've known all things a man may know; and when Death's summons comes to me, I'll say, "All right," and gladly go. But ere I climb the sun- set hill, and leave this world of tears and toil, I'd like to see old Kaiser Bill fried in some cheaper grade of oil. Long years I've lived and done my work as best I could, with talents few; a couch beside the old gray kirk will seem inviting when I'm through. But ere I pass through Jordan's chill, to roam in Eden's groves afar, I'd like to see old Kaiser Bill adorned with feathers and with tar. I do not understand the men who hang to life when life's a bore, who must be called and called again, before they'll start for t'other shore. I do not understand the dread with which men view a couch of clay; it's far more pleasant to be dead than sticking round in people's way. I'll gladly go when, loud and shrill, ring out grim Azrael's com- mands; but first I'd see old Kaiser Bill placed in the taxidermist's hands. Walt Mason. [23] LONG LIVE THE KAISER! {A "German- American" to his Fatherland) The old country, old country, the land across the sea — And you may call it what you will — is very dear to me; For I am German born and bred, a child of Germany. The old country, old country, 'tis there my father sleeps; I love her rocks, her rills, her Rhine, her valleys and her steeps; And there, beside my father's grave, her watch my mother keeps. The old country, old country! And most of all I love A little village by a stream, a mountain-top above; And ev'ry path and ev'ry road I know the wind- ing of. But old country, old country, the heart is sore of woe ; For you are not the Fatherland we loved of long ago; The Fatherland we sang in song, the land we used to know. For old country, old country, a madman in your name Is doing murder on the sea, and setting homes aflame, Till ev'ry son of Germany must hang his head in shame. My old country, old country, obedience their pride, To do the Kaiser's awful will a million men have died; And all you reap is human hate, and lust un- satisfied. O old country, old country, the punishment is great God visits on the murderer — a mortal or a state; Long live the Kaiser, live to reap his heritage of hate! Douglas Malloch. [25] LONG LIVE THE KAISER! ! ! I hope not for the Kaiser's death, Nay! Nay! Nor crave to note his parting breath To-day. It is my hope the War Lord will Delay and linger here until I hand my little gift to "Bill," And, say! — Let others tweak and twist his nose! Go to it! Aye! Grind your hobnails in his toes! Sure! Doit! But as for me, — say! I'm the guy (A self-appointed slugger, I) To wallop William's cold right eye And blue it. So, fellows, strike below the chin, There get your swings and wallops in, But leave to me his cold right eye, Ah, let me bing it — I'm the guy! Ray I. Hoppman [26] CO LONG LIVE THE KAISER! Some need to live that they may learn, Some slowly sip from wisdom's urn. If he would really be the wiser — Long Live the Kaiser. Live! Until Belgium's shattered spires Are built again to pierce the blue; Live! Until France's smould'ring fires Are quenched by blood of Prussian hue; Live ! Until from the ocean's bed The bloated forms are upward led; Live! Until deadly fumes of gas Through all his veins are made to pass; Live! Until from the depths of hell A hotter, slower fire shall well; Live! Till he feels the blush of shame At crimes that set the world aflame; Live! Till he hears at his own door The clash of arms and cannon's roar; Live! Till he sees the ones he loves Herded like slaves and scourged in droves; Live! Until Fate, remorseless shaper, Declares his plans a scrap of paper; Live! In his place beneath the sun And blister till his course is run. Long Live the Kaiser! J. U. HlGINBOTHAM [29] PRECEDENTS One Alexander and his band, Of classic reputation, In sundry frays of ancient days Licked nearly all creation. The history proclaims that he Was some A-I commander; But Macedon is dead and gone — And where is Alexander? Attila came with sword and flame To teach the Romans Kultur; His evil fame would put to shame A self-respecting vulture. He was a beaut at grabbing loot, From princesses to ginware; But soon or late he met his fate — Attila got the tinware. Old Genghis Khan once overran An area extended; From east to west, as pleased him best, His wilful way he wended. A million foes, the record shows, He sent to endless slumber; But Genghis Khan was just a man — At last they got his number. 30 Napoleon — But why go on? The moral's plainly written; There's something happens to the yap With world dominion smitten. At prophecy I may not be A second-grade surmiser, But I would say my prayers today If I were Bill the Kaiser! W. Kee Maxwell 3i PALS! "Hoch der Kaiser! Dreimal Hoch!" And hoking thus, the hot tears broch From the saucer eyes of the one who spoch. (Minister to Berlin was he From the courts of Hell; so hellishly He hoked his pal thus hokefully:) " Live long, O Kaiser! You and I Will sit and watch the souls go by — Dead souls of butchered fellowmen, Of slaughtered babes and maids; and then We'll laugh until the mirthful tear Spills too much salt into our beer. " Live on a thousand years, O Bill! No other ever had the will, The lust for blood — no, not the Hun Nor Tamerlane nor Nero; none, To stab his neighbor in the throat And make his own land be the goat! " Live on, O Bill! what do you care For German orphans waiting there Beside cold hearthstones, whence you tore Their sires and flung them in the roar Where just beside the hellish gates The Hohenzollern Moloch waits ! [32] " Live long, O Bill! and do not go Too soon, to take up down below The crown they vote — without demur — To you, Chief Baby-Murderer! What! Going soon? Then fare you well ! ■ Give my regards to the boys in hell!" Lowell Otus Reese [33] LONG LIVE THE KAISER! Oh far, sweetheart, be it from us To emulate the erring group Of those who think the Kaiser cuss Should have dog buttons in his soup. Long Live his Kaiserlets, we say, With all his faculties undimmed Forevermore and then a day, Ere he be haled by Fate — and trimmed. And on each day that he sees dawn We hope he stubs his sorest toe; Is forced his underwear to pawn, And walk a dozen miles in snow. Long live, we say, rambunctious Bill! When worlds have blown in dust away, May stern collectors hound him still, Compelling him his debts to pay. May he again, and then again, When he strolls forth in raiment swell, Be caught in floods of chilling rain, Without gum boots or um-ber-ell. Long life indeed ! And every hour Some happening a hope to blight; A schooner that turns flat and sour; A stogie that will never light. 34 For each dire moment that his pride Has caused another soul to weep May chiggers penetrate his hide And make a nightmare of his sleep. That he may pay for All his sins, We hope some geezer with a saplin' Will some day swat the Kaiser's shins And make him walk like Charlie Chaplin. Charles A. Leedy 35 LONG LIVE THE KAISER! If Freedom bright must disappear, If Slavery detain us here, If Brotherhood's but banal fear — "Long live the Kaiser!" If Mercy shall not longer rule, If Love and Kindness keep no school, If decent Justice is a fool — "Long live the Kaiser!" If Falsehood rank the highest force, If Cruelty bring no remorse, If shameful Murder Crime indorse — "Long live the Kaiser!" If Lust and Conquest be adored, If Barbarism gives the word, If naught else good be but "War Lord" "Long live the Kaiser!" If Prussia needs reign over all, If Liberty in fact will fall, If men on Heaven forget to call — "Long live the Kaiser!" If Right has no place on the earth, If gentle hearts no more have birth, [36] If human Hope can feel no mirth — "Long live the Kaiser!" If God Almighty slay His Grace, If Satan win the highest place, If hell allure with loathesome face — "Long live the Kaiser!" Tod Chenevix [37 PUNISHMENT Hi Hicks strode from the vaudeville And muttered grimly: "Kaiser Bill Had ought to live beyond the war That he's the guilty party for — To hear these 'hero' songs — the duffer. Enough of them 'd make him suffer." J. E. Sanford 38 wowe*y. Drawn by William Donahey, The Tribune, Chicago May the Kaiser live in useful confinement and may his daily hate be freshened occasionally by a little German-American band playing the Allies' national airs! HOCH! OWilhelm! Bill helm! Bloody Bill! Man of ammunition and guns! Although a monarch you may be, For general popularity You'll never accumulate buns. Vainglorious Kaiser, Although you're wiser, You'll never admit that error, grave, When you lost your head on an evil day And with Uncle Samuel got too gay As you wakened the sons of the brave! champion of barbarous bawl! We hail thee as the chief Of murderers, historical, Who lived to promote grief! Long may you live to mourn, Old Top! And in shame and sorrow bow Like the wanderer who fears to stop With Cain's mark on his brow. And when 'tis time for the last kick-in, And you drop the blood-stained crown, The world will be rid of a load of sin [41] As your soul goes whirling down To the place where a toasting-fork awaits For thee, with prongs red-hot, Behind those sulphur-scented gates Where the iceman cometh not! E. Tracy Sweet [42 Drawn by William Steinke, The Scrantonian, Scr anion, Pennsylvania "Where the iceman cometh not!" LONG LIVE THE KAISER! God, at whose word all living things Grow big with being, bold with breath, Whose nod destroys the pride of kings, Withhold the Prussian King from death . . Keep back his death until that day Eternity shall swing o'er earth A witness to the mute decay Of thoughts of pestilential birth. Prolong, O God, the tragic hour When Wilhelm shall be called to Thee, But strip him of his regal power — For where in him is majesty? As worms crawl on in slime, so force This Satan Exquisite to crawl With memory of such remorse His soul shall shrivel with it all. Until each stab, each shot, each sigh Shall penetrate his leprous heart, Keep life in him; nor let him die Until he eats Grief's every part; Until the anguish he has wrought The last lone human shall forgive; Until the years dissolve the thought, Wrack him, O God, and make him live! A. Walter Utting [45] LONG LIVE THE KAISER! Long live the Kaiser! Aye, long be his life Beyond the span allotted mortal men. When o'er the fest'ring, blood-drenched fields of strife The healing sun of Peace shall shine again, Long may he live, and, as the years take flight, Live on with mem'ry strong, but body frail; Haunted in the still watches of the night Ever by some murdered infant's ghostly wail. Long live the Kaiser! Let this be his fate: To live when those he cherished most have died, Their funeral dirge his own sweet Hymn of Hate, And, craving death, to have his prayer denied. So let him live for weary, endless years Amid pale sepulchres washed white with tears. Maurice Switzer 4 6 LONG LIVE THE KAISER! Live, Mightiest Monarch, forever! Oh, Conquerers' King, may you never Have quaff of the cup they have tasted! If that may not be, Live long in the world you have wasted, The sea You have sown with the bodies of babies, The sky you have bitten with rabies. For death has no dart nor hell any horror To measure your sin or to balance the sorrow Your Kultur-clad hand has inflicted — Not death nor the tomb Nor hell such as Dante depicted Has room — Has room in its roaring to do you The punishment dire that is due you. Live on in the world of your giving — And this be the bound of your living: When the day cometh round that she bore you- Your mother — Her spirit shall lead up before you A skeleton, first of your slaying — A skeleton green with the claying — And next year another. [47] And so, with the slow-grinding years, on your birthday, One skeleton stand, in grim dearth way, Till the years have grown thousands, and mil- lions. And when The last one has come whence they lie, To weariness utter the fiat descend then — "NOW, William may die." Dixon Merritt [48] LONG LIVE THE KAISER! Old Kaiser Bill, your heart should ache, The misery you have brought To fathers, mothers, sweethearts, too, The general havoc wrought. Indeed, so well you played your part, In deals with Uncle Sam, That for a time you fooled him, while You didn't give a damn. He stood each new indignity, Gave countless chance to show Your promises were honest goods — You dealt him blow on blow. You've sacrificed your own people, In butchery, like swine, With war not of their own free will But thine — most surely, thine. To-day they're crying loud for peace; Starvation not far off; While you can dwell in luxury And at their wailing scoff. Bill, you don't need your glasses on, To see the hole you're in. Since loyal Yankees reached the trench, It's past your power to win. J. J. MUNDY [49] LIVE ON — AND ON — AND ON Long live the Kaiser! May he live To die a million deaths of woe; May years be numberless that give To him the pain that others know. For every blow that he has dealt, For death-stilled faces, white and wan, For ceaseless pain by mortals felt, May he live on — and on — and on. Long live the Kaiser! Belgian sires, Brave martyrs of heroic breed, Or mothers weeping by the fires Of homes where Kultur wrote its creed; Fair daughters, all distained and torn By deeds that devils smile to con — All these might pray, the while they mourn: May he live on — and on — and on. Ay, may he live to feel all woe 'Neath which the stricken peoples sigh; The pain of fathers may he know, The mothers' grief that will not die. That war's summed curses which men weep Or arson, rape, or murder wan — May yet return to damn his sleep, May he live on — and on — and on. 50 n mrnrnrn^ mi Drawn by Don Herold, Indianapolis Forever alone with it Long live the Kaiser! Years are brief; The record of his guilt is long. Hark to the moan of quenchless grief Where die the millions of our strong. 'Twas his decree that eyes should dim As robes of death our heroes don — Ah, that the curse be summed in him, May he live on — and on — and on. A. J. Waterhouse 53 LONG LIVE THE KAISER! Live the Kaiser! Long may he survive! He'll find his greatest punishment in Being just^ alive. After the war is over, after the battle is won, There'll be no place for Kaiser Bill In the sun. After the strife is ended, after the cannon cease, There'll be no voice of Kaiser Bill In arranging peace. After his sword is broken, the while he cowers in fear, The Allies will say to Kaiser Bill: "Ataboy, sign here." 54 He'll take his royal fountain pen, believe me, friend of mine, And he'll spread his royal autograph, right on The dotted line. Frank J. Price [55 LONG LIVE THE KAISER Long live the Kaiser! Who could wish him dead Until his cup be full to overrunning? Let him live on, in anguish, doubt and dread, All living things his cringing presence shun- ning! To him let music be but wails of woe; Whate'er he looks at be to him a sorrow; What friend he claims to him become a foe; Whate'er he sighs for come not till to-morrow ! Long live the Kaiser! Let him feel the death, The grief, the pain, the torment he has given, While yet his body draws the living breath, And feels how fruitlessly his brain has striven! Then let the remnant of his shriveled soul Live on in torment as the ages roll! Robert L. Pemberton 56 LONG LIVE THE KAISER! Now I don't wish old Kaiser Bill The least of any human ill; Don't wish to see him pale and wan Stood up against the wall at dawn, Nor see him banished to an isle, Shorn of his autocratic smile. What I would really like to see Is William with an old T. D., In overalls and spade and pick, Just filling holes and piling brick Till all the damage he has wrought Has been repaired in deed and thought, Till every foot of ravaged plain Is tilled and blossoming again; Till every palace, every cot Is standing in the same old spot, And all the work of William's sweat And blood and bone and soul regret — Long live the Kaiser! Long live the Kaiser! Let him stay To wash a million tears away; To make him crawl beneath the waves And decorate his victims' graves; To toil and bleed and suffer pain [57] A million years, until the stain Of sin and crime is washed away, Then cringe in hell for aye and aye I Long live the Kaiser! Joe Cone [58] LONG LIVE THE KAISER! On retribution's sword-point fast impaled, Bereft of all, earth-scorned and Heaven- denied, Live, envying all the millions that have died Under thy fist, the murderous, the mailed! Spitted and writhing on the prongs of hate, By none save thine own sordid self bewailed, This be thy gall and wormwood — thou hast failed : For thou didst anger God, and this thy fate. All thy demoniac crimes are wrought in vain — Manslaughter, arson and infanticide — Ah, thou hast sent red rivers to the tide! For this live on and, thyself, learn of pain! Remorse no pang to thy flint soul can give, But, that mad ego crushed, the last hope gone, Thou shalt pray death, while I shall pray, live on! Racked with self-pity, ever dying, live! Walter Juan Davis [59] LONG LIVE THE KAISER! Long live Bill Hohenzollern of Berlin! Lord spare him till he realize the sin He has committed 'gainst the human race — May he live many years of earned disgrace! Long live his imbecilic Kaiser nibs — Live to recant the bare-faced super-fibs He and his gang have told a sickened world — Live till he sees his battle banner furled. Long live this nut after he "gets it good" ! His ego dwells where sense of humor should. May he outlive Methuselah, countless years, And leak whole oceans of repentant tears. Long life to him and many a clear-cut token How glad earth is to know his power broken; Long may he live to see how huge an ass Historians write him as the glad years pass! Long live the Kaiser — sure, 'twould be a sin To have him die ere peace was ushered in, And all mankind combined to jeer and flout him And say how sweet this planet is without him! Strickland Gillilan [6ol Drawn by William Steinke, The Scrantonian, Scranton, Pennsylvania The dam'd spots will never out. LONG LIVE THE KAISER! May he live long enough to read this — he may not live after. Long live the Kaiser! May he live Forever and forever, And may the peace that Death can give Be Wilhelm's blessing never. Long live the Kaiser — not his yoke — Long live, but not long reign; We would not doom his German folk To bear eternal pain. Long live the Kaiser, may his years, If counted they must be, Be counted by the countless tears Wrought by his infamy. Long live the Kaiser! May he dwell Where he can daily learn Some detail of the earthly hell That Wilhelm caused to burn. Long live the Kaiser, live to view The evil he has done. Some day, perhaps, another Sue May write "The Wandering Hun." [63] Long live the Kaiser, yet, and yet, Though little good men bear him, 'Twere better could the world forget — It certainly can spare him. Poetic justice it might be To save him from the Reaper — But who so steeped in villainy Deserves to be his keeper? George Douglas 6 4 ] A PRAYER Take him not from us, Lord! Grant him an endless life — Him on whom rests the blame For cataclysmic strife. Spare us this Prussian beast, With shrivelled arm and brain, To see what he has wrought In ruin, death and pain: To know that all the world Accuses him alone, And loathes his blasphemies, His lusts, his heart of stone : To see the spectral forms Of all the countless braves Who lie, because of him, In hidden, nameless graves: To meet, at dead of night, The tragic little ghosts Of children he has slain In never-ending hosts: To view the spirit-throngs Of maidens and of wives Who, through his loathsome deeds, Have rendered up their lives : [65] To see the ruined fanes, The devastated lands — The fitting monuments To his ensanguined hands: To meet the scorn of men For Fryatt and Cavell: For all his broken oaths: For every poisoned well ! Let not the balm of death Be his unjust reward Until he feels the pain That he has caused, Oh Lord ! Kenneth L. Roberta [66] HERE IS A HOPE FOR THE KAISER Here is a Hope for the Kaiser: Let him live and unto His horrible end Retain his vision And his mind And his sense of hearing. Let him pass his days Surrounded by myriad books Of the countless deeds He has caused to be committed. Spare him his vision And his mind That he may read The pages of blood, And may see on the walls Unveiled the pictures of Some of his most appalling deeds — If an artist can be found with such a grasp. Spare him his sense of hearing, That his last days May be made sleepless, Not by his festered conscience, But by battalions of Victrolas Playing "The Star Spangled Banner." George Bingham [67] HOCH DER. KAISER! Your health, O Monarch! With this cup I drink Long life to you — until upon the brink Of that last leap you pause to look behind And shudder at the faces in the wind; Grim faces, faces gaunt and pale — and then From out the wreckage you have made of men Stands one, stern, frowning, and a finger raised Points you your course, red as when Belgium blazed. Live you, O King — thou Hohenzollern hog, — Writing each day in blood upon the log Of your foul ship that ploughs through human seas, Boasting your murders, tho' aquake your knees ! — These you have slain — live long and in your sleep Start in alarm where memories sentry keep Till at the last, long life comes to its end, Monarch of Worms, without a human friend! Henry Edward Warner [68 AFTERMATH I The Kaiser for dominion sighed; At peaceful things he scoffed. The Kaiser had his wants supplied By simple folk who oft "Long live the Kaiser!" loudly cried, And threw their hats aloft. The Kaiser planned a German State With Kultur's cruel skill. The Kaiser thought it good and great A baby's blood to spill. The Kaiser's victims cried in hate: "To hell with Kaiser Bill!" "Long live the Kaiser!" Loud the cry! I hear it rise and swell. The men the Kaiser doomed to die The same sweet story tell: "Long live the Kaiser! (So say I!) But may he live in hell!" [6 9 ] II Where is the hell the Kaiser seeks, Unwitting, as his goal? I think the Kaiser's shrunken cheeks Tell of the devil's toll; For all the wrong the Kaiser wreaks Puts hell inside his soul. But think you that the Kaiser knows Remorse as on he moves ? Not so! The Kaiser's conscience goes In hard but settled grooves. In all he does the Kaiser shows He feels his Gott approves. The Kaiser's curse is futile fire, Dead hope, ambition's dearth. The Kaiser as a grounded wire Will be of little worth. The Kaiser's disappointment dire Will give him hell on earth. 70 Ill Night's ambush wings the devil's darts; But when the night is done The smiling morn sings in our hearts! — Another day's begun! And fear-begotten hate departs Before a cheerful sun. 'Tis true that as we onward jog With bit between our teeth, Fear lives awhile in memory's log Beside a stone and wreath. 'Tis thus we hate a savage dog, E'en though we've pulled his teeth. So will it be when goes the night And knaves disgorge their pelf. War ! Memories ! — and then respite ! — With kings upon the shelf! — Let's hate the Kaiser while we fight! — Then leave him to himself. Grif Alexander [71] HOCH DER KAISER! May he live forever! May he never sleep ! May he be conscious through all time and Eternity ! May his eyes never behold aught than the corpses of his innocent victims ! Ringing in his ears may he never hear a sound other than the curses of the people he has butchered! May his nostrils forever be filled with the stench of his burning and decaying family! May his mind forever be conscious of the fact that while all humanity shall have the privi- lege of entering another and a better exist- ence, as long as the world stands up he will be obliged to inhabit a planet made miserable by his acts. May all of his senses be keenly alive to the hellish part that he has played! May he approach the threshold of hell, and may all the devils therein scourge him back to earth, rejecting him as being unfit for their company! HOCH DER KAISER ! ! Edward W. Miller [72 LONG LIVE THE KAISER! The Kaiser summoned his varlet Death: "As I am the lord of life and breath I bid you go through the earth to slay; Go make the women and children prey; By land and sea and the skies above Bring desolation on all men love; Go take the flower of mankind's youth And kill with horrors obscene and ruth." Death clicked his skeleton heels anew, "Long live the Kaiser!" he cried, and slew, And slew — till late with a sickened breath The Kaiser summoned his varlet Death. "As I am the lord of all," said he, " I bid you minister now to me. Come blind my eyes to the graves and worse. Come hush my ears to the sounding curse, Come dull my sense to the drip of blood, I crave the peace of your lethal flood." But Death was freed by the valiant dead. "Long live the Kaiser!" he cried, and fled. McLandburgh Wilson [73] AMERICA'S CREED We do not hate the Germans — hate is not found in our creed, To feel so would be faithless to our country and its aims, For they shed their blood to save our union when in need, And proved that they were human in the midst of war's dread flames. But our anger rises at the thought of helpless bands, When cast into the vortex where they fight to keep afloat, We snap our teeth, eyes flashing, and we tightly clench our hands, We want to clasp our fingers on the War Lord's throat. Our men may brave the dangers, and we let them tempt life's fate, Not so the babes and mothers any craven would respect, And seeing loved ones perish in a war of sense- less hate, We cry a halt — our kindred with our lives we shall protect. We seek to wrest the sceptre from the War Lord made profane, [74] Before he damns forever all within the Father- land, Though great the cost, most worthy is the object to attain, So all may clasp in friendship then each worthy German hand. James T. Sullivan 7Sl HOO'S HOO IN GERMANY Who's All the Works in Deutschland, where they hoist the foaming stein and hoch His Nobs the Kaiser to the tune of Wacht am Rhein? Who tired of being merely that and so began to nurse an itch to show Jehovah how to run the universe? Who ardently dear-cozzed King George and likewise Nick the Czar — and cranked his U-boats up to blow 'em both to Gates Ajar? Who longed to make J. Bull get down and shine his No. 8's — to hear your Uncle Sam'l say, "Muh Lord, the carriage waits" ? Who thought he saw his chance the day that woozy, half-baked Serb got out his gat and popped the Duke and Duchess from the curb? Who planned mid shouts and cheers to march through Belgium with his train, and eat his Sunday soup-to-nuts in Paris-on-the-Seine? Who rues the fateful day he climbed King Albert's garden wall and roused his dogs of war from out their soporific thrall? Who shoots his Zeps above the clouds — his subs beneath the sea, but still is boarding in Berlin and not in gay Paree? Who dreamed the dream that once obsessed N. Bonaparte the Great, but took a larger mouthful on than he could masticate? Who long enough has run amuck and now is due for his — which same he'll get when Uncle Sam [76] and nephs get down to biz? Who might as well right now get out his time-card and his map and look up St. Helena, wot? That Hohen- zollern chap. John W. Carey [79] THE SCOURGE OF HELL Nay, not long life for him, the Scourge of Hell, This Genghis Khan and Attila the Hun, Nero and split-hoof Satan all in one! For him Annihilation, and his knell A shout around the universe to swell In choric surge triumphant; sun to sun Singing the mighty dirge: "The Devil's done — He's dead and done for, and 'tis well! 'tis well!" For in this monster surely Hell hath puked From out its foulest Pit upon the earth Its ancient Master! Let him be rebuked! God, the Almighty Lord of death and birth, Destroy him utterly, and with him kill Hell and the hellish crew that works his will ! Robertus (Bert) Love [80 PEACE FOR THE KAISER Some day — when by dune and hill ft- Battle flags at last are furled; Some day — when the drums are still, Peace will wreathe a battered world; But when Time has run its race, All the endless ages through, Out beyond eternal space — Say what Peace will come to you! While you live ? Through each black night Ghosts shall gather, dripping red, Blotting from your ghastly sight Everything except the dead; Formless lines of murdered men — These alone will haunt your view; Peace is coming back again — But what Peace will come to you ! Through each day though you may strive For a hiding-place to shun Children who should be alive, Laughing in the golden sun, When their white lips ask you "Why Did you war upon us, too?" When their wee ghosts flutter by — Say what Peace will come to you! [81] When you die? Yes, graves are deep, But where lurking shadows dwell Broken forms will haunt your sleep, Though your coffin rests on hell. Underneath the final sod You shall pay the ages through! Peace is coming back — thank God! But what Peace will come to you ! Grantland Rice [82] * ta-tt * « * ^ u o « ° O <$> ^X ^ .. \ 4 Deacidified using the Bookkeeper proc : Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide Treatment Date: MAy 2001 PreservationTechnologi A WORLD LEADER IN PAPER PRESERVA 111 Thomson Park Drive