CRANFORD : A PLAY "J/m Matilda Jeiikyns — and the ladies of Cranford — my sister-in-law^ Lady Glenmire.^' CRANFORD : A PLAT A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS MADE FROM MRS GASKELnS FAMOUS STORY By MARGUERITE MERINGTON Author of " Captain Letiarblair^ " Love fiiids the way^'' etc. NEW YORK FOX, DUFFIELD 6^ COMPANY 1905 IJI 'HARY or .XJNGKESS StP 18 iyo5 Copyright, 1902, by the CURTIS PUBLISHING COMPANY. Copyright, 1905, by FOX, DUFFIELD & COMPANY. Published September, 1905. SPECIAL COPYRIGHT NOTICE. This play is fully protected by copyright, all requirements of the law having been complied with. Performances may be given only with the written permission of Fox, Duffield & Company, agents for Marguerite Merington, owner of the acting rights. Extract from the law relating to copyright : *' Sec. 4996. Any person publicly performing or representing any dramatic or musical composition for which a copyright has been ob- tained, without the consent of the proprietor of said dramatic or musical composition or his heirs or assigns, shall be hable for damages therefor, such damages in all cases to be assessed at such sum not less than one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dollars for every subsequent per- formance as to the Court shall appear just. If the unlawful perform- ance and representation be wilful and not for profit, such person or persons shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction be im- prisoned for a period not exceeding one year." PERSONS IN THE PLAY MISS MATILDA JENKYNS (Miss Matty).— ''Meek and unde- cided to a fault" . . . " small, gentle, mousey face" . . . "Folks looks is often against them . . . not far short of sixty!" . . . ''We all love Miss Matty . . . I somehow think we are all of us better when she is near us!" MARY SMITH. — "A well-to-do and happy yomig woman." MARTHA. — "A rough, honest-looking country girl, blunt and plain- spoken to a fault . . . brisk, well-meaning, but very ignorant." MISS POLE. — "A great deal of savoir-faire ... a way of popping into all sorts of places to gratify her curiosity ... a way, which if she had not looked so very genteel and prim, might have been considered impertinent!" "Such people never tread lightly ^ or seat themselves without a bump!" MRS. FORRESTER. — "A meek, enduring old lady in most things" . . . "kind, gentle, shabbily-dressed." Slightly deaf. MRS. FITZ-ADAM.— ''A well-to-do widow . . . dressed in rustling black silk." Had been "nothing but a country girl." Always the largest lady in the room. MISS BETTY BARKER.— "iVoi so young as she had been . . . dressed finer than any lady in Cranford, wearing out all the bonnets and caps and outrageous ribbons which had once formed her stock-in-trade." THE HON. MRS. JAMIESON.— "Fai and inert, dull, pompous, tiresome. . . . Inclined to doze by nature . . . a torpid smile ... a placid ruminating expression of countenance, not unlike a cow^s." LADY GLENMIRE. — "A bright little woman of middle age who V vi PERSONS IN THE PLAY had been very pretty, and was even yet very pleasant-looking . . . a broad Scotch accent, but a very sweet voice . . . bright, kind, sociable, agreeable . . . in dress far removed from the vulgarities of wealth!" PETER MARMADUKE ARLEY JENKYNS.— "/fzs clothes had an out-of-the-way, foreign cut about them . . . his face tanned and retanned by the sun." Time of the play:— King William the Fourth and Queen Adelaide are on the throne. The old Duke of Wellington, whenever he rides abroad, is cheered for his famous victories over the French. A little maiden named Victoria is being trained for her future duties as Queen. Costumes:— Of the period, though independent of fashion. "What does it signify how we dress here at Cranford where everybody knows us! " Ladies who cannot afford Sedan Chairs, under the guidance of a lantern-bearer clatter home from parties in their pattens, and wearing calashes. "Do you know what a calash is? It is a covering worn over caps, not unhke the heads fastened on old-fashioned gigs, but not quite so large! " Scene : — Miss Matty's drawing-room. Two doors, one to hall, the other to bedrooms. Window overlooking street. Grate fire. Screen. Clock. Books. Prints and family portraits in oils on walls. Solid furniture. Table, side-table, and baize- topped card-tables for party. "An old-fashioned piano that had been a spinet in its youth." "The china was delicate egg shell, the old-fashioned silver glittered with polishing." It re- quired some contrivance to keep our two candles of the same length, ready to be lighted, and to look as if we burnt two always! ACT I CRANFORD : A PLAY ACT t DISCOVERED.— Miss Matty, Mary, and Martha, sur- veying their preparations for a tea-party, Miss Matty with hands clasped nervously and an anxious ex- pression; Mary, -finger on chin, smiling complacently, and Martha, with arms akimbo and an admiring grin. This pose is held for a jew seconds before they move and speak. Mary. Everything looks as nice as nice can be! Miss Matty. I'm sure I hope so! Run along, Martha, and put on clean cap and apron ready to open the door! Martha. {Going toward the door.} Very well, ma'am! Miss Matty. Oh, and Martha — [Martha pauses.\ — You remember what I told you about passing the tea to the ladies? A CRANFORD : A PLAY Martha. Aye, ma'am! But you said nary a word about the gentlemen ! Miss Matty. The gentlemen, Martha? [In a shocked tone.] There will be no gentlemen! Martha. No, ma'am? I'm disappointed! I like lads best! Miss Matty. Martha! That is a shocking sentiment on the lips of a young woman! Martha. [Surprised.] Is it, ma'am? I beg pardon, I'm sure, but it's the truth! Miss Matty, Oh, what a pathetic lack of feminine decorum! Martha, is it possible that in your last place 3'ou had — [dropping her voice] — followers? Martha. [Fingering her apron coyly.] Please ma'am, I never had more than one at a time! [Martha goes out] CRANFORD : A PLAY Miss Matty. Shocking, shocking! Where feminine modesty has gone to I cannot conceive! [Moving about.] You are dressed, Mary love? So am I, all but my cap. I like to change that the last thing! [She looks about anxiously.] The cards — I must get the cards ready! [She prepares a pack by discarding the tens, nines and eights while talk- ing.] Dear, dear, I never was so fluttered in all my life, except once when — Mary. But, dear Miss Matty, why? Your tea-bread and sponge cake are the perfection of lightness; and your china and silver are the oldest and daintiest in Cranf ord ! Miss Matty. Even so, my dear — It is the uncertainty that is so dis- tressing! Will the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson bring her sister-in-law. Lady Glenmire? Will the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson come herself leaving her sister-in-law Lady Glenmire at home? Or will the Honourable Mrs. Jamie- son remain at home with her sister-in-law Lady Glenmire? Mary. Surely you will receive word! Now I am going to place the chairs. [Mary places chairs at the card-table.] Here is the place of honour for the stranger. Lady Glen- mire — 4 CRANFORD : A PLAY Miss Matty. If she comes, my dear! I Mary. And a warm corner with a footstool for the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson — Miss Matty. If she comes, my dear! Dear, dear, these chairs — however shall I carry them in my head! [A double knock is heard at the street-door; Miss Matty gives a slight shriek, dropping some cards.] Mary. Perhaps that is a note — Why, dear Miss Matty, you're all of a tremble! Miss Matty. [Picking up the cards.] It is nothing, my dear! Only for a moment I thought it might be the robbers! Mary. [Puzzled.] The— robbers? Miss Matty. There! I meant to have kept it from you! And indeed Lady Glenmire quite drove them from my head! But — mind, there may be nothing in it ! — But there is a rumour that robbers have been seen, bold as lions, in Cranford! CRANFORD: A PLAY Mary. [Exclaiming, impressed.] Even so, they would hardly come while it is still daylight, and by the front door! Miss Pole. [Outside, in the hall.] Miss Matilda Jenkyns — Pardon the informality — Miss Matt^. Miss Pole! Light the candles, Mary! — My cap — Miss Pole. [Entering.] Never mind your dress, I beg! I am in advance of the hour! I just stepped in to ask — [Sits, gasping for breath.] [Mary, who has lit both candles, puts one out.] — My Lizzy heard from your Martha that you are expecting Lady Glenmire? Miss Matty. If only I knew myself! Hearing that Lady Glenmire had come unexpectedly to stay with her sister-in-law, the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson, I called this morning; but as the ladies were out driving I left a note for Mrs. Jamieson, begging to include in my invitation her sister- in-law, Lady Glenmire! Miss Pole. [Reflectively.] Let me see — Miss Matty, may I look at your Peerage? [Miss Pole goes to the bookshelf, without 6 CRANFORD ; A PLAY waiting for permission^ and takes down the Peerage.] It is just as well to know exactly who she is! [Turning over the leaves.] Miss Matty. My dear Miss Pole! Lady Glenmire is sister-in-law to the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson! Miss Pole. That is a secondary matter! Miss Matty. [Thromng up her hands.] Fancy anything being a secondary matter to the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson! Miss Pole. [Having found her place in the Peerage, reads] "Fifth daughter of Mr. Dunstafnane Campbell." — High-sounding name that! — The widow of a peer! A very pretty com- pliment to Cranford! Mary. [Looking out of the vnndow.] Here comes the Honour- able Mrs. Jamieson's man, Mulliner, now, with the answer! Miss Matty. [Reprovingly.] My dear — Looking out of the window — Not genteel! — Are you sure it's Mulliner? [Going to the loindow.] [A loud double knock is heard.] Ah, yes, CRANFORD : A PLAY 7 that is Mulliner's knock! He is so filled with his con- descension in coming to live at Cranford that except in the case of County families he ignores the back door! [Martha enters with a three-cornered note on a tray.] Martha. [Giving the note to Miss Matty.] The grandest gen- tleman brought it, ma'am; dressed mainly in buttons was he, and a powdered wig! Miss Matty. [Opening the note.] Dear, dear — my spectacles! — Light the other candle, Mary! — Put the other out, my dear, to keep them even. [Mary does so, while Miss Matty reads the note.] Miss Pole. [To Martha.] Martha, you were in church yesterday! The lady in the pew with Mrs. Jamieson — what is she like? Martha. Her, ma'am? I seed her, but I didn't take much notice! I thought you ladies would more like to know how young Mrs. Jones the butcher's wife would look, her being a bride! Miss Pole. Good gracious me! As if we cared about a Mrs. Jones! 8 CRANFORD : A PLAY Martha. An old black silk and a shepherd's plaid cloak the little lady had on, ma'am — bright eyes, a pleasant sharp face — and a way of nipping up her skirts! A stirring sort of body, ma'am, more like the landlady of The Coach and Horses nor anyone! Miss Matty. [Looking up.] Martha, that is not respectful! Martha. Isn't it, ma'am? I beg pardon, I'm sure! But it's true! [Martha goes out] Miss Pole. Delightful description! Most genteel, and evidently far from vulgarly affluent ! [Miss Matty, who has been spell- ing out the note, drops it with an exclamation of disappoints ment.] What! You don't mean ? Miss Matty. [Nodding sadly.] The Honourable Mrs. Jamieson re- grets ! Miss Pole. [Closing the Peerage with a bang.] Well, I declare! Refusing you, the late rector's daughter, whose brother Peter was godson to Sir Peter Arley, who might have been a viscount if five brothers and thirteen nephews had died CRANFORD: A PLAY 9 before he did! I suppose she wants her sister-in-law to think she associates only with County families ! But pray who is this Lady Glenmire that she should be kept under a glass case ! Fifth daughter of a Mr. Something-or-other Campbell ! Widow of a Scotch peer who never sat in the House of Lords — a sort of Lord-and-no-Lord business at best — and as poor as Job ! [Stopping, gasping for breath.] [Mary has picked up the note meanwhile and read it.] Miss Matty. Don't burn it, love! Keep it for spills — candle-lighters, you know! Mary. But — the postscript ! In her own writing — [Waving the note.] Lady Glenmire is delighted to accept! Miss Matty and Miss Pole. To accept! Miss Pole. [Wagging her head sagely.] I felt we had not come to the end of it! Blue blood, you know! — By the way, Miss Matty — Hardly a fit subject for a young person! [Looking meaningly at Mary.] Mary. I'll go fill the decanters with fresh cowslip wine! [Taking the decanters from the side-table and going to the door.] 10 CRANFORD : A PLAY Miss Matty. Don't waste the dregs, love: save them for the poor! [Mary laughs, and goes out.] Miss Pole. You'll think me strangely ignorant, but — How do you address Lady Glenmire? Do you say ''Your Ladyship" where you would say ''You" to a common person, and "My Lady" instead of "Ma'am?" Miss Matty. [Puzzled, takes off her spectacles.] Dear, dear! If sister Deborah were living she would know. For she once danced with a lord, and when my dear father's eyesight failed him, wrote a letter for him to the Bishop! Miss Pole. There may be some article in the encyclopedia on Little Etiquettes! [She takes a book from the shelf, and consults it.] Miss Matty. My Lady — Dear, dear, I haven't been so fluttered since my cousin Major Jenkyns spent a night here. For weeks beforehand I lay awake at nights wondering whether I ought to provide razors for his dressing-room! Finally I enquired of the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson, since she, being a widow, would naturally be an authority! CRANFORD: A PLAY 11 Miss Pole. [Not finding what she wants, closes the book with a hang.] Mrs. Forrester would know, she having been born a Tyrrell of the family that accidentally shot King William Rufus Mary. [Outside, in the hall] Miss Matty, here is Mrs. For- rester! Miss Matty and Miss Pole. How providential! [Mrs. Forrester enters in some agitation.] Miss Matty. Mrs. Forrester. My dear Miss Matilda Jenkyns — I am unreasonably early — but my Jenny learned from Miss Pole's Lizzy who had it from your Martha that you are expecting Lady Glenmire, and — My Lady — Your Ladyship — What is the approved genteel form? [Miss Pole and Miss Matty exchange glances.] Miss Pole. We counted on your knowing, you having been born a Tyrrell! .r^ 12 CRANFORD : A PLAY Mrs. Forrester. But that was nearly a thousand years ago — I mean, when we accidentally shot royalty! Mary. [At the door.] Miss Matty. Mrs. Fitz-Adam would like to ask you something! [Enter Mrs. Fitz- Adams. She curtseys low.] Mrs. Fitz-Adam. Miss Matilda Jenkyns! Ladies! Pray pardon this in- trusion! But my Rosy learned from Mrs. Forrester's Jenny who had it from Miss Pole's Lizzy who got it direct from Martha that you are expecting Lady Glenmire. Now the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson shows her Honourableness by never seeing me, though I am always the largest body in the room, and the mere thought of a Lady — I mean, one beginning with a Capital — throws me into a cold sweat! [Mrs. Fitz-Adam ivipes her hrow, while the ladies shudder.] O, dear Miss Matty, do let me off! Remem- ber that my parents were but plain farmer-folk! Miss Matty. But, my dear Mrs. Fitz-Adam, you have done your best to live that down! Have you not taken a house that once was inhabited by the spinster daughter of an Earl! [Mrs. Forrester and Miss Pole nod assent.] Mrs. Fitz-Adam. Still, I began as Molly Hoggins, carrying butter and eggs to market! CRANFORD : A PLAY 13 Mrs. Forrester. But — you sunk the butter and eggs in the married estate! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. But, ma'am, Fitz-Adam was only Mrs. Forrester. [Interrupting.] Fitz-Adam is a good name. Fitz means "child of." Your husband must have been child of something! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. Indeed, ma'am, he was Mrs. Forrester. Child of Adam, possibly! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. I assure you, ma'am, Fitz-Adam was Mrs. Forrester. [With finality.] He was Fitz-Adam! Having been born a Tyrrell I ought to know! [Mrs. Fitz-Adam mpes her broWy despairingly.] Miss Pole. You see if you withdraw on her account it will give Lady Glenmire the erroneous impression that Cranford 14 CRANFORD : A PLAY is unaccustomed to the Peerage! [Miss Matty and Mrs. Forrester assent] Mrs. Fitz-Adam. As you will, ladies! — And, speaking of the Peerage, how does one address Lady Glenmire! [Consternation among the other ladies.] You, Mrs. Forrester, having been born a Tyrrell Mrs. Forrester. [With her hand to her ear.] Eh? I can't hear a word you say! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. Miss Matty; Miss Pole — How Miss Pole. [Sharply.] My good soul, when will you learn the im- propriety of asking questions! [Mrs. Fitz-Adam shakes her head despairingly, and goes and sits in a corner, wiping her hrow.] Mary. [At the door.] Miss Matty — Miss Betty Barker wants to ask you something! [Miss Matty, Miss Pole, and Mrs. Forrester exchange agitated glances.] Miss Pole. A retired milliner! She must not suspect our Uttle difficulty. CRANFORD : A PLAY 15 Mrs. Forrester and Miss Matty. Not for the world ! Hush ! [Miss Betty Barker enters y and makes a swimming curtsey. The ladies respond.] Miss Betty. Ladies ! Pardon my coming before the designated hour, Miss Matilda Jenkyns. Believe me I deemed it a great honour to be invited by you, the late rector's daughter, to meet the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson. [Curtseys, and Mrs. Fitz-Adam rises from her corner and curtseys.] Also Mrs. Forrester, born a Tyrrell, and whose alliance we never can forget with the Biggses of Bigelow Hall I [Curtseys to Mrs. Forrester, who bows in return.] Like- wise Miss Pole — [Curtseys to Miss Pole]. Miss Pole. My good Miss Betty Barker, the Cranford ladies of good family being widows and spinsters, if we did not relax our exclusive social barriers we should have no society at all! [Miss Betty curtseys acknowledgment.] Mrs. Forrester. And to your credit, Miss Betty Barker, you never made caps and bonnets for anyone without a pedigree! [Miss Betty curtseys acknowledgment.] Miss Matty. And since retiring you have set up a cow — always a 16 CRANFORD : A PLAY mark of respectability in a single woman! [The other ladies assent. Miss Betty curtseys.] Miss Betty. Granted, ladies! But I learn from my Peggy who had it from Mrs. Fitz-Adam's Rosy who gathered it from Mrs. Forrester's Jenny who gleaned it from Miss Pole's Lizzy who had it direct from Martha, that you are ex- pecting Lady Glenmire! I venture accordingly to sug- gest that you may wish to be relieved of my unpatrician presence. I have brought this little note, exchanging my flattered "happy to accept" for my "regrets at being obliged to decline." [Presents her note to Miss Matty mth a curtsey.] Miss Matty. My dear Miss Betty, your delicacy of feeling does you infinite credit! [The other ladies murmur assent.] But [Mary enters with the decanters, which she places on the side-table.] Mary, my love, this note — Spills — candle- lighters, you know! [Mary takes the note and makes a spill of it.] Miss Betty. [Curtseying swimmingly.] I thank you. Pray, Miss Matilda Jenkyns, be assured that to mark the social dif- ference between myself and the ^lite, I shall sit next the door, on the extreme edge of my chair ! Although a retired milliner I am no democrat, and understand distinctions of CRANFORD : A PLAY 17 rank! [Ladies murmur approval.] There is another matter — if my presumption may be excused — About Lady Glen- mire — [Ladies exchange agitated glances.] Being from Scot- land the change of climate may be trying to Lady Glen- mire! Accordingly I took the liberty of bringing a little offering of home-made cordial — [Miss Betty fumbles in her reticule and produces a bottle of cordial.] With your permission I will place it in Martha's charge! As I used to say to Lady Arley when fitting Daps for her ladyship Ladies. [AsidCj relieved.] Her ladyship! Miss Betty. Climate— we must take climate as well as complexion into account; your Ladyship! [Miss Betty goes out with her bottle.] Ladies. [Aside, delighted.] Your Ladyship! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. Her Ladyship! Your Ladyship! Miss Pole. [Sharply.] Good gracious me, what did you suppose it was! [A loud knock is heard oidside.] Ladies. [Fluttered.] Here they are! 18 CRANFORD : A PLAY Miss Matty. Her cap — my Ladyship goodness gracious me! [She runs hastily into the bedroom, and returns im- mediately, having put on a fine cap. Meanwhile the other ladies remove their calashes, assisted by Mary.] Miss Pole. Mary, love, just count my brooches. There should be seven — the weeping-willow done in hair, and the butter- fly made out of Scotch pebbles in my cap! Thanks, love! I feel positively undressed without a variety of brooches about my person! Martha. [At the door, announces.] The Honourable Mrs. Jamie- son, and Lady Glenmire. [Mrs. Jamieson, carrying Carlo, and Lady Glen- mire, enter, followed by Miss Betty. The ladies curtsey ceremoniously.] Mrs. Jamieson. [Introducing.] Miss Matilda Jenkyns — and the Ladies of Cranford — my sister-in-law Lady Glenmire! [All curtsey again.] Lady Glenmire. I'm vera pleased to meet ye! [Murmur of approval from all.] CRANFORD : A PLAY 19 Miss Betty. How affable! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. What condescension! [When calashes, etc., are removed Mary carries them into Miss Matty's bedroom, while the Ladies take their places.] Miss Pole. [In an undertone to Mrs. Forrester.] Ten pounds would purchase every stitch she has on, lace and all! Mrs. Forrester. [Hana to ear.] Eh? Miss Pole. [In a louder tone.] I said, don't you dote on the Scotch accent! [Martha enters with a tray, lohich she passes among the ladies.] Mrs. Jamieson. I am certain you will all excuse me if I give poor dumb Carlo his tea first! The dear little fellow — see him wag his tail! He is such a prodigy of intelligence — he knows cream quite well, and refuses milk absolutely! [She empties the cream jug into a saucer for Carlo. The ladies look their disappointment.] 20 CRANFORD: A PLAY Miss Pole. [Aside.] When it comes to preferring cream to milk I am as intelligent a^ Carlo ! Miss Matty. [In an undertone to Miss Pole and Mrs. Forrester.] Please speak to My Ladyship! I should feel so hot and foolish the first time! — Besides, what can I talk about that might interest her! — Among ourselves, as it is pre- serving time, we should naturally discuss the recent rise in sugar! But does the Peerage eat preserves, much less know how they are made? [Miss Pole and Mrs. For- rester shake their heads.] Mrs. Forrester, ma'am — you, as a Tyrrell Mrs. Forrester. Unfortunately I did not receive the St. James's Chroni- cle in time to coach up the Court news! Miss Pole. [Derisively.] Oh, these timid souls! Ahem! Has Your Ladyship been to Court lately? [The other ladies murmur their admiration.] Lady Glenmire. I never was at Court in a' my life! [Well-bred sensa- tion.] Ye see, my gude man didna sit i' the House o' Lairds! [Well-bred sensation.] CRANFORD : A PLAY 21 Miss Pole. He naturally disdained such corrupting associations! Though I own I was hoping for news of the dear Queen! Lady Glenmire. Except for two short visits to London I never have been far from Edinboro! Miss Matty. A most genteel spot for a place of residence, Edinboro ! More select, no doubt, than London! I once heard a little song about it ! No, not quite about it, though 'twas within a mile of it! [The ladies murmur interestedly.] Lady Glenmire. [Looking hopefully round the group.] Ye'll have been in Edinboro, maybe? [The ladies shake their heads dejectedly.] Miss Pole. N-not exactly! But I had an uncle who once passed a night there! [The ladies are enraptured.] Miss Betty. What an extraordinary coincidence! [Martha has collected the cups and sau^cers, and now carries the tray away.] 22 CRANFORD : A PLAY Miss Matty. [Rising.] Shall we make up a pool at Preference? [Lady Glenmire, Mrs. Forrester and Miss Pole seat themselves at a card-table luith alacrity.] Mrs. Jamieson. [With a gesture declining Miss Matty's invitation.^ Thanks, no! I will remain here out of the draught! Miss Betty. [Declining Miss Matty's invitation.] Madam, if I have a passion it is for looking on at cards ! [Miss Matty, ac- cordingly, takes the fourth place at the card-table.] Mrs. Forrester. [Explaining to Lady Glenmire.] We generally play ten tours, a fish costing sixpence! [Lady Glenmire nods assent, and each player places a counter in front of her.] Miss Betty. [Going over to Mrs. Jamieson.] Allow me to give your sweet Carlo his nap, Madam! Mrs. Jarheson. [Giving Carlo to her.] You don't mind? CRANFORD : A PLAY 23 Miss Betty. Madam, if I have a weakness it is for dogs! [She goes hack to her seat near the door. Mary, by signs, suggests to her and Mrs. Fitz-Adam that they engage in a game of cribbage, getting out the cribbage board, etc.. They assent. While Mrs. Fitz-Adam shuffles the cards Miss Betty, still holding Carlo, darts into the hall, returning im- mediately with some large hooks.'] Miss Matty. [At the card-table has dealt a card, face up, to each player.] Miss Pole's deal! Miss Betty. [Presenting her hooks to Mary.] Young people like pictures, I brought you some fashions, my dear! You will find them quite recent; not more than ten or twelve years old! [Mary takes the books with a little curtsey, and sits on a low chair turning over the leaves. Miss Betty and Mrs. Fitz-Adam play cribbage, the dealer dealing six cards to each, etc. Miss Pole has dealt ten cards to each player, by threes and fours, dealing to her right. The games pro- ceed.] Miss Matty. [On Miss Pole's right, having examined her hand.] Not a matadore in my hand! I pass! 24 CRANFORD : A PLAY Lady Glenmire. I ask leave! j Mrs. Forrester. I offer — sans appeler! Lady Glenmire. Now that raises my fighting blude — Scots wha^ hae, ye know! — I'm Omber! All the Ladies. [Admiringly.] How spirited! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. I declare, Miss Betty, the thought of my being in the presence of the Peerage, throws me into a cold sweat! [Wipes her brow.] Miss Betty. My dear lady ! In the presence of the Peerage one does not sweat! One perspires! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. [Looking at the turn-up.] Ah, Jack's up! Miss Betty. [Shuddering.] Not Jack, but Knave! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. [Marking her score.] Jack or Knave, a fig for his heels! [Miss Betty shudders.] CRANFORD : A PLAY 25 Lady Glenmire. Now, mark ye, that's my Jock! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. Lady Glenmire says Jock, which is Scotch for Jack! Miss Betty. Only the Peerage can afford to be so intimate with a Knave as to call him Jack! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. [Marking her score.] Fifteen four, and a royal flush — . How I do love a good game of Noddy! Miss Betty. [Shudders . ] Noddy ! Miss Matty. I hold Spadille! — Perhaps your Ladyship would have preferred some other game! Lady Glenmire. No, no! All games of cards are gude, though some are better! Myself I play everything, from Scots' Whist to Snip, Snap, Snore 'em! [The ladies murmur ^ delighted.] Miss Betty. How affable! 26 CRANFORD : A PLAY Mrs. Jamieson. [Opening her eyes, and smiling.] High spirits — High rank — High . [She drops off to sleep with a slight snore,^ Miss Matty. [Startled.'] What was that! Miss Betty. The Honourable Mrs. Jamieson has fallen asleep! She could not pay our society a greater compliment I [Martha enters quietly with a coal-scuttle and puts coals on the fire.] Lady Glenmire. I have a sentimental streak ! I play in hearts ! [Ladies murmur, delighted.] The Cranford ladies are so delight- ful, what must the Cranford gentlemen be! [Ladies give a well-bred gasp.] Miss Pole. It is a source of unfailing congratulation to the Cran- ford ladies that there are no gentlemen in Cranford! [Ladies murmur assent.] Lady Glenmire. [Laughing.] Now I'm disappointed! I'm a' for the lads myself. CRANFORD : A PLAY 27 Ladies. [Amused and charmed.] What spirits! Miss Betty. ^ How affable! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. Such condescension ! Mrs. Jamieson. [Opening her eyes.] High spirits — High rank — High ! [She drops off to sleep.] [Martha starts to guffaw with delight at Lady Glen- mire's speech, hut checked by a reproving glance from Miss Matty, stuffs her apron in her mouth and runs from the room.] Miss Pole. For settling all questions without unnecessary argu- . ment the Cranford ladies are sufficient unto themselves, and in matters in which females of the clinging type re- quire masculine protection [A loud crash is heard outside. Ladies shriek, Miss Pole the loudept.] Miss Betty. Ladies, I beg! Consider Carlo! Miss Matty. [Clinging to the chair-hack.] But — it may be robbers! 28 CRANFORD : A PLAY Mrs. Forrester. [In an attitude of terror.] Or a ghost! Miss Betty. Even so, the aristocratic slumbers of Carlo and the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson [At the mention of Mrs. Jamieson, Mrs. Fitz-Adam gets up from under the table whither she had re- treated, to curtsey, then returns to cover. Slight snore from Mrs. Jamieson.] Mary. I know! It's the fire-irons! [Ladies echo "Fire-irons," puzzled.] Miss Matty, you stacked them against the back door, to warn us in case the robbers should get in that way! — I'll go see! [She runs from the roo7n.] Miss Matty. Your Ladyship will think us foolish to be so fluttered — but there have been rumours Miss Pole. Rumours! When my Lizzy heard that a cold neck of mutton had been stolen from our surgeon Mr. Hoggins! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. [Coming forth.] Ladies — Tom Hoggins — my own brother — swears it was the cat! CRANFORD: A PLAY 29 Miss Pole. Of course he swears it! He is a man! Miss Matty. [Hands up in amazement] Well, well! A neck of mutton! Cold, did you say? Such a scandal has not been known in Cranford since the conjuror Signor Brunoni took a live rabbit out of the rector's hat! Mrs. Forrester. It is my belief that conjuror is at the bottom of the mischief! He is a foreigner — and if a foreigner surely a Frenchman — and being a Frenchman naturally a spy, come to find out the weak places in our coast defences! [The ladies murmur, interestedly.] Either that or a ghost ! [Impressively.] Miss Pole. [Teeth chattering.] A g — g — ghost! My dear Mrs. Forrester! — I can prove to you by an article in the Encyclopedia [Going to the book-shelf.] that ghosts are but spectral illusions! Mrs. Forrester. [With warmth.] Ghosts are part of my religion! And as the daughter of a Tyrrell and the widow of an army officer I think I may be said to know what to be fright- ened at, and what not ! [Ladies murmur assent.] 30 CRANFORD : A PLAY Lady Glenmire. [Who has been silently amused.] Ought we not to be making some preparation to receive these guests! Miss Pole. Leave them to me ! All this while I have been thinking out a plan ! For the purposes of identification they should be branded ! [Goes to the fireplace.] With the permission of Miss Matilda Jenkyns I will heat her poker red-hot — It can be restored to blackness later by being dipped in grease! [She seizes the poker.] Let them come forth b-b-boldly into the light like men! [Teeth chattering.] [The ladies murmur admiringly. Mary enters, fol- lowed by Martha. The ladies start, and Miss Pole drops the poker.] Mary. It is all right, Miss Matty! Martha. [Toying with the corner of her apron.^ Please, ma'am, it was me! Miss Matty. You, Martha? Martha. A-shutting the door in Jem Hearn's face! CRANFORD : A PLAY 31 Miss Matty. Jem Hearn! What is a Jem Hearn? Martha. Please, ma'am, he's a joiner, ma'am, six-foot-one in his stocking feet, and making three-and-sixpence a day — a steady young man, fit for any girl! But I gave you my word I'd have no followers, though it's wasting an opportunity, such a capable kitchen it is, full of dark corners ! Many a girl would have 'em unbeknownst to the missus — but I gave you my word, and I'll stick to it, though it do go to my heart to do it! [She goes out hastily, half -crying.] Miss Matty. [Sadly.] What a painful lack of maidenly reserve! [Sits.] We might finish our game! [The ladies sit.] Miss Pole. You see the folly of vain alarms! Mrs. Forrester. I hold Manille! Miss Pole. [To Lady Glenmire.] Basto, ma'am! Lady Glenmire. [Laughing.] Basted unmercifully! [Lays coin on table.] 32 CRANFORD : A PLAY And bang goes saxpence as we Scots say! [Rising.] Ah, well, unlucky at cards, lucky in love! [Ladies delighted.^ What spirits! How affable! Miss Matty. Miss Betty. Mrs. Fitz-Adam. Such condescension! [A very loud double-knock is heard. The ladies shriek.] Miss Betty. Ladies, I beg! The aristocratic slumbers of the Hon- ourable Mrs. Jamieson and the Honourable Mrs. Jamie- son's Carlo Mrs. Jamieson. [Waking vnth a slight snore.] It is my man Mulliner! — I closed my eyes on account of the light, but all the while I have been listening with great interest to your amusing and agreeable conversation! [Rises.] Martha. [At the door.] Miss Bdtty Barker's Peggy, Mrs. Fitz- Adam's Rosy, Miss Pole's Lizzy, Mrs. Forrester's Jenny, with lanterns. The Sedan Chair and the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson's maid for the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson's CRANFORD : A PLAY 33 dog Carlo, and the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson's man Mulliner with the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson's carriage for Lady Glenmire and the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson! [At Mulliner' s knock Mary fetches wra'ps and calashes and assists the ladies to cloak themselves. 1 Mrs. Jamieson. [To Lady Glenmire.] Come, my dear. Mulliner does not like to be kept waiting! — Don't you find it very un- pleasant walking? [To the other ladies. '\ Miss Pole. No, indeed! Capital exercise! Mrs. Forrester. Such a refreshment after the excitement of a party! Miss Betty. Such an opportunity to study astronomy! [Martha enters with a tray of small glasses of cordial, which she passes to the ladies.] Miss Matty. Before you go, ladies, — our good Miss Betty Barker offers us — Miss Betty. Just a leetle, leetle drop to keep out the cold, ladies! — A homemade cordial! The lower classes call it cherry- brandy ! 34 CRANFORD : A PLAY Ladies. [Declining.] Oh, I couldn't — really I couldn't! Lady Glenmire. [Taking a glass.] A toast! A toast! [The others fol- low her example.] Here's to the Cranford Ladies and New Lang Syne! [Drinks. Ladies murmur admiration, and drink, then set down emptied glasses, coughing and sputtering discreetly.] Miss Pole. It's very hot! I believe there's spirit in it! Miss Betty. Only a leetle drop to make it keep! You know we put brandy-paper over preserves to preserve them! I have known ladies of refined sensibilities feel quite tipsy from eating damson tart! [Ladies curtsey, taking leave and departing in the order of their rank.] Lady Glenmire. A bonny evening ! Gude night to ye ! [Ladies respond.] Miss Betty. The Peerage is affability itself — and the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson is always such sparkling company! CRANFORD : A PLAY 35 Miss Pole. Those of us who walk had better keep together, con- sidering the timid nature of Mrs. Forrester! [The street-door is heard to close after them. There is a final chorus of good-nights.] Mary. It went off beautifully! Miss Matty. [Blowing out the candles.] I think the ladies enjoyed themselves! [She looks at the clock.] Half-past nine! Such gaiety has not been known in Cranford since Womb- well's lions were exhibited when one of them ate off a little child's arm! [Martha enters, goes to the window, and bolts it.] Bolt it fast, Martha! [Miss Matty kneels down, takes a toy hall from her pocket, and rolls it under chairs, sofa, table. Mary and Martha exclaim, wondering.] Mary. Miss Matty! Is that some new game? Miss Matty. [On her knees.] A precaution, my dear! All my life I have dreaded being caught by my last leg when getting 36 CRANFORD : A PLAY into bed! When younger and more active I used to take a flying leap! — You see if the ball comes out on the other side I know that there is no one concealed be- neath ! [Mary and Martha exclaim with admiratiom. A lovd knock is heard, at which all exclaim.] Martha. It^s them dratted robbers! Miss Matty. Martha, what an ungenteel expression! — Open the window! [Martha opens the window, Miss Matty runs to the window with a hassock in her hands.] Now if it is a man with a black crepe mask over his face, when he looks up I shall drop this on his head! [Calls out of the window.] Who's there! Miss Pole. [Outside, under the vnndow.] It's I! Do let me in! Miss Matty. [Drops the hassock on the floor in amazement] Miss Pole! — Run, Martha! [Martha runs from the room.] By the way, Mary, my dear; don't mention my little precau- tion! — Miss Pole has so much courage! CRANFORD : A PLAY 37 Miss Pole. [Enters, gasping for breath, carrying a small basket in one hand, and a man's hat in the other.] I packed up my silver and ran over, sending my Lizzy to sleep with Mrs. Forrester's Jenny. [She sets the basket firmly on the table.] If your house is attacked it will be just as well for me to be on hand ! Miss Matty. How thoughtful! Miss Pole. [At window, shrieks.] There's a man now, watching the house! [She gets behind the screen.] Martha. [Appearing at the door.] Please, ma'am, it's my Jem Hearn! He says if he might come to see me once a week he could keep an eye on the house!] Miss Matty. [Considering.] Hm! Marriage is a great risk, Martha! Martha. Aye, ma'am! But robbers is worser! \ Miss Matty. [Relenting.] Er — give the young man this half-crown, Martha! [She gives a coin to Martha.] 38 CRANFORD : A PLAY Martha. [Joyfully.] He shall put in it the Savings Bank against I name the day! [Martha runs from the room.] Miss Pole. [Emerging from behind the screen, fans herself with the man^s hat.] You see the folly of vain alarms! — Oh, this hat — I stopped at the surgery to borrow it of Mr. Hoggins! Knowing your timid nature I thought if you had it hang- ing in the hall, when the robbers came we could call Charles, Henry, James, as if to a retinue of men-servants! Miss Matty. There will be a very pleasant sense of protection in having a man's hat on the premises! I only hope it is not improper, as so many pleasant things are! [A loud kiss is heard in the hall. All shriek, Miss Pole the loudest.] Miss Pole. That strange, uncanny sound! [A louder kiss is heard.] There it is again! Miss Matty. [In a horrified tone.] I do believe it's — Martha — kissing! CRANFORD: A PLAY 39 Miss Pole. [Waving Mr. Hoggin's hat, shocked.] Kissing? The idea! — Kissing what? A man, I suppose! Mary. [Laughing, peeping from the door.] Yes — I see their shadows — it's a man! TABLEAU: Miss Matty throws her hands up horri- fied, while Miss Pole hides her face in Mr. Hoggins' hat. ACT II ACT II DISCOVERED. — Mary and Martha, kneeling on the floor, pins in mouth, are pinning over the carpet path- ways made of newspapers stitched together, leading from the door to the chairs. A knock heard, smothered. Mary. [Looking up and listening.] Was that a knock? Martha. [Rising, taking pins from her mouth and sticking them in the front of her dress.] Aye, Miss. It sounds queer, because Missus telled me to muffle the knocker in an old glove, so as not to disturb the poor dear conjuring gentle- man's broken leg! [She goes out hastily.] Mary. [Speaking to herself.] Callers, no doubt, to enquire after the poor sufferer! Everyone is so kind! [Rising and surveying the room.] There! I think Miss Matty's new carpet is fully protected! — Oh, there's a little sun- beam that I have to ward off with the St. James's 43 44 CRANFORD : A PLAY Chronicle! [Mary lays another newspaper down in front of the window.] PVIRS. Fitz-Adam, Miss Betty Barker, Miss Pole, and Mrs. Forrester, enter, one after another. All wear morning dress, bonnets instead of caps and calashes. Each carries a basket or a package.] Mrs. Fitz-Adam. Good-morning, Mary, my dear. I have come to en- quire Miss Betty. [Speaking as she enters, her words overlapping Mrs. Fitz-Adam's.] Good-morning, my dear, and how is Miss Pole. [Speaking while still in the hall] Well, Mary! I just stepped in to [Enters, gasping for breath.^ Mrs. Forrester. [Entering.] Well, my dear! How is the poor, dear [Breaks off, seeing the other ladies.] Miss Pole, Mrs. Fitz-Adam, Miss Betty. [Curtseying to Mrs. Forrester.] After you, ma'am! Mrs. Forrester. [Acknowledging their courtesy by a curtsey.] The patient — the poor, dear, conjuring gentleman, is he better? CRANFORD : A PLAY 45 The Other Ladies. Yes, yes! Is he better? Mary. Oh, so much better, thank-you! [The ladies murmur their relief and pleasure.] Mrs. Forrester. My Jenny learned from Martha that his real name is not Signor Brunoni, but Sam Brown, and that he is not, as we did him the injustice to suppose, a foreign Frenchman, but an English soldier born and bred, — [Mary nods corroboration.] — which circumstance makes it possible for Cranford socially to recognise his broken leg! [The ladies murmur assent] There has been a receipt for bread-jelly in the Tyrrell family ever since we accidentally shot royalty. The dish has been partaken of with relish in times of convalescence by my kinsmen the Biggses of Bigelow Hall! I have left this receipt in my will to Miss Matilda Jenkyns, to be treated as an heirloom, or made public, as she and my executors may think fit — [Ladies murmur, impressed.] Meanwhile — a bowlful for the poor patient [She gives a dainty howl to Mary, who receives it gratefully while Mrs. Fitz-Adam curtseys and Miss Betty, touched, wipes her eyes.] Miss Pole. The accident, my Lizzy learned from Martha, was 46 CRANFORD : A PLAY caused by a runaway horse! You could have knocked me down with a feather when I heard of a runaway horse in Cranford. [The ladies assent.] — Well, it came of being driven by a man! [They smile, ajnused.] I thought this might come in handy for his leg! [She produces a warming-pan from beneath her shawl and lays it on the table. The ladies murmur ad- miringly.] Miss Betty. My Peggy heard from Martha that the horse shied at the sight of that new article of fashion, the Umbrella! [The ladies murmur their interest.] Horses of the lower classes have to be educated up to the Umbrella! — I my- self heard a Uttle boy irreverently describe one that was being held by Mr. Mulliner over the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson as a Stick in Petticoats. [The ladies are shocked. Mrs. Fitz-Adam curtseys. Mary tries not to laugh.] Macaroons steeped in brandy, my dear — [Handing a dish to Mary.] Little Cupids we call them! Excellent for a fractured member if taken internally! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. [Giving a basket to Mary bashfully.] A few apricots, my dear — and an apple stuck full of cloves. Heat it, and it will smell pleasantly and take the poor man's mind off his leg! Mary. Everyone is so kind! CRANFORD : A PLAY 47 Mrs. Forrester. I wonder if it may not be a judgment on the poor man for making his hving by conjuring tricks. [The ladies murmur questioningly .] If not downright unchristian it is certainly un-English to find a shilling in a twopenny loaf of bread! [Miss Betty says "Amenl'^] I cannot think that Dakin, our Cranford baker, furnished the loaf, since he is Churchwarden! Mi^s Pole. But the rector, Mr. Hayter, countenanced the exhibition with his presence! Oh, of course I did not look behind me to see, for fear of giving rise to unpleasant reports — in fact, risking my name being coupled with his, since Mr. Ha3^ter is a single man — in fact, a bachelor! — [The ladies murmur sympathetically.] But I heard him, and the National School boys he had treated, in chinks of laughter all the time! Nevertheless- Mrs. Forrester. Miss Pole. [Interrupting.] I looked up conjuring in the Encyclo- pedia! [She gets a book from the shelf, and finds the place while talking.] There is no witchcraft about it! A child could master the receipts for tricks! Mrs. Forrester. However 48 CRANFORD : A PLAY Miss Pole. [Interrupting.] '' Let A represent the hand in a flexible condition, B a live rabbit, and C a man's hat!" — A-B-C — it is all a matter of the alphabet! I could do it myself, given a live rabbit, a man's hat, and time to make my third finger flexible! [She closes the hook with a bang.] And speaking of Mr. Hayter, if he were not a bachelor — and one does not want to seem particular! — I should write him a note, requesting him to offer up prayers for the poor conjuring creature — supplications for the re- covery of his right leg, and thanksgiving that the left had been mercifully spared! [The ladies murmur sympathy.] Mrs. Forrester. Let us hope the injury will not prove fatal! Miss Betty. [Piov^ly.] Amen ! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. Ladies — my brother — Tom Hoggins, says the bone will heal at the first intention! [The ladies^ puzzled, echo questioningly , "The first intention?"] Miss Pole. [Severely.] That sounds matrimonial — though I could see the connection better if it had been a rib! — No one but a man would jest on such a subject! [Ladies assent.] CRANFORD: A PLAY 49 Miss Matty. [In bonnet and cloak, enters from the hall.] Oh, my dear friends — [Ladies curtsey greetings, saying Miss Matty; Miss Matilda Jenkyns; or Good-morning, Ma' ami] I went out for a few remedies — [Taking small bottles from her reticule.] — I did not wait for the chemist to send them home! Mrs. Forbester. [Excitedly.] At the risk of appearing indeUcate — Miss Matilda Jenkyns should not bear all the expense! [Ladies murmur assent.] Miss Matty. Dear friends, I can well afford it! Besides, there is a reason — it is a melancholy pleasure — I [Struggling with emotion, she goes hastily into the bedroom. The ladies look at one another question- ingly, asking, "What can she mean?"] Mary. I'll tell you! — Sh! [They form a group about Mary, heads together.] You ladies will remember Miss Matty's brother Peter? Miss Pole. Poor Peter! A handsome lad, though freckled! As a girl I was always fearful of my name being coupled with his — though of course there was nothing in it! D 50 CRANFORD : A PLAY Mrs. Forrester. Poor Peter — his father caned him for some boyish prank, and he ran away! Miss Betty. Such a high spirit — it came from being named for a Lord! Peter Marmaduke Arley Jenkyns! Mary. It seems that Signor Brown had to give up being a soldier and take to conjuration on account of his health. And when he first broke down in India he received great kindness from a gentleman whom he calls Aga Jenkyns. Mrs. Forrester. [Excitedly.] Not the common Jenkyns? Jenkyns with a ''y'7 Mary. Yes! And that ''y" makes Miss Matty think it may have been her brother Peter! [The ladies murmur " Wonderful!" They break apart guiltily, saying "Shf" as Miss Matty, having exchanged bonnet for cap, comes in from the bed- room. Mary, making warning signs to them, carries all the small offerings into the bedroom.] Miss Betty. Ahem! We were just saying, how fortunate the Honour- able Mrs. Jamieson is away at her favourite Spa on account CRANFORD : A PLAY 51 of her sweet little Carlo's indigestion! The excitement of a runaway horse might have proved too great a shock for the high-strung nerves of the Honourable Mrs. Jamie- son! [All murmur assent. Mrs. Fitz-Adam curtseys.] Let us hope no word of the plebeian accident has reached the aristocratic ears of the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson's sister-in-law, Lady Glenmire! [Lady Glenmire enters from Miss Matty's room^ in a white apron, humming ^Tioas Within a Mile of Edinboro Town. Great sensation among the ladies. She goes to the table and picks up the warming-pan.^ Ah, that's a bonny size! Miss Betty. Your Ladyship — [Trying to seize the warming-pan.] The hands of the Peerage must not be defiled! Lady Glenmire. [Capturing the warming-pan.] Na, na, I winna! [Goes to the fire.] Ou, aye, I'm a sonsy sick-nurse! Ask Tarn Hoggins ! [Kneels, and with the tongs, fills the warming-pan with hot cinders, humming a song the while.] Mrs. Forrester, Miss Pole, Miss Betty. Lady — Glen-mire — Tom — Hog-gins ! Miss Matty. [Explaining in an undertone.] As soon as she heard of 52 CRANFORD : A PLAY the accident she came and installed herself, like an aristo- cratic Angel of light and condescension! — I only deprecate that she has to take orders from a surgeon, who though a worthy soul and giving his services gratuitously, is a Hoggins ! [Mrs. Forrester, Miss Pole, Miss Betty assent] Mrs. Fitz-Adam. The best man that ever trod shoe-leather is my brother Tom, if I do say it! And with all his book-learning and the pretty penny he's put by, never one whit ashamed of having risen from dairy-produce! [She wipes her hrow, heated.] [Miss Matty, Mrs. Forrester, Miss Pole and Miss Betty exchange glances.] Mrs. Forrester. [Hopelessly.] The butter sticks to her, although her name begins with Fitz! [The ladies agree.] Miss Betty. After all, if my presumption in saying so may be ex- cused. Lady Glenmire is but a young thing — barely turned forty! Perhaps one of you ladies could remon- strate with her in the absence of the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson ! [The ladies murmur pleasure at the idea.^ CRANFORD : A PLAY 63 Miss Matty. [Hurriedly.] You, of course, dear Mrs. Forrester Mrs. Forrester. [With her hand to her ear.] Eh? Miss Matty. You — We look to you since you accidentally shot royalty! [Ladies agree.] Mrs. Forrester. [Not relishing the task, hut feeling it due to her dignity.] Ahem! — By the way, dear Lady Glenmire, speaking of Mr. Hoggins Lady Glenmire. Ou, aye, speaking of Tarn Hoggins? Mrs. Forrester. A most manly man! — If only he had studied Lord Chesterfield's Letters in his youth! — He — he — he has been seen, when sitting, to cross his legs! Lady Glenmire. Vera like! Vera like! — a comfortable poseetion and becoming to a manly man! Mrs. Forrester. Yes, yes, of course! Though it is whispered that he sups nightly in his surgery off beer and bread and cheese! 64 CRANFORD : A PLAY Lady Glenmire. Maybe! A braw dish is beer and bread and cheese! Mrs. Forrester. [Flurried.] So it is! So it is! [She looks helplessly at the other ladies.] Miss Matty. I suppose the social prejudice is created by just the name of Hoggins! Lady Glenmire. [Humming.] A man's a man, for a' that! Miss Matty. [Hastily.] To be sure! And it would be no better if he were to change it to Piggins! [A slight pause while Lady Glenmire hums.] Miss Pole. Oh, of course, any task requiring courage — ! [Speak- ing louder, at Lady Glenmire.] As a surgeon, Cranford is proud of Mr. Hoggins! Lady Glenmire. Nae doubt! Miss Pole. [Handsomely.] I entrust my own teeth to him! [The CRANFORD : A PLAY 55 ladies murmur admiration.] I never hear of the dear Queen, or the Duke of Welhngton being ill without wish- ing they would send for Mr. Hoggins! — But [She pauses, not knowing how to continue.^ Lady Glenrure. But ? Miss Pole. But if he were appointed Court Physician what would become of Cranford's replaceable teeth, its fractured limbs, to say nothing of difficulties occurring in between, without Mr. Hoggins! [She ends lamely.] Miss Betty. I take the liberty of concurring with you ladies as to Mr. Hoggins's skill as a physician! When my cow fell into the lime-pit and had every hair singed off her poor dear hide it was Mr. Hoggins that saved the darling's life! [The ladies show interest] Mrs. Forrester. What did he prescribe? Syrup of squills? Miss Matty. Cupping? Leeching? Miss Pole. A warming-pan? 56 CRANFORD : A PLAY Miss Betty. No, ladies! A flannel waistcoat, and a pair, or rather a double pair, of flannel drawers! Ladies. [Impressed.] Wonderful ! Lady Glenmire, [rising.] [With the warming-pan, goes into the bedroom , hum- ming " The rank is hut the guinea's stamp; the man's the gowd for a' that!" Ladies exchange glances.] Miss Pole. There! I meant to say something very sharp and sarcastic! I daresay I shall think of the right thing to-night! Mrs. Forrester. Perhaps it will be best to let the matter rest till the return of the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson! [The ladies concur. Mrs. Fitz-Adam curtseys. Lady Glenmire, tying on her bonnet smartly, comes from the bedroom. The ladies start guiltily.] Lady Glenmire. Dinna ye disturb the lad in there! When he wakes will be time enough to give him his draps! Meanwhile I'm off to report the case to Tam Hoggins! [She goes out, humming ^' She's o'er the borders and CRANFORD : A PLAY 57 awa' wi' Jock o' Hazeldeanf" The ladies throw up hands and eyes, and wag their heads, as- tonished.] Miss Matty. [Indulgently.] Ah, well, young people will be young people! Miss Betty. And not even the odour o'f chloride of lime can con- taminate the Peerage! [Mary, breathless with 'excitement, enters from the bedroom, and at the same moment, Martha, equally excited, bursts in from the hall.] Mary. Oh, Miss Matty! Such news! Martha. [At the same time.] Oh, ma'am — Such doings! [The ladies look from one to another. Only Mrs. Fitz-Adam shows no surprise.] Miss Matty. Mary, my love, your complexion is raised most un- becomingly! — As for you, Martha Martha. Ma'am, Jem Hearn stopped in to tell me — Mr. Hoggins 58 CRANFORD : A PLAY has ordered a new pair of top-boots for the first time in twenty years! Miss Matty. Martha, that is not a fit subject for the parlour! Martha. But, ma'am, Jem telled me he's agoing to be married, ma'am! Mr. Hoggins, please, ma'am, married! Miss Pole. Good gracious me! As if, except professionally, we took the slightest interest in a Mr. Hoggins! Martha. But, ma'am — ! [She pauses, speechless with excitement] Mary. [Who has been trying to speak.] Oh, Miss Matty, Lady Glenmire is going to be married! Ladies. [All but Mrs. Fitz-Adam, excited.] WHAT! Mary. [Nodding corroboration.] Lady Glenmire! She's so happy! [Breaks off breathlessly.] Ladies. Well, well, to be sure! CRANFORD : A PLAY 59 Mrs. Forrester. Well, well! Someone we know going to be married! It is fifteen years since I heard of any one of my ac- quaintance going to be married! Miss Matty. In Cranford, too, where the poor dear might have felt herself so safe! [The ladies murmur , "That is true!''] — It's coming very near! Miss Pole. So' near my heart stopped beating while you might have counted twelve when I foresaw it! [The ladies murmur questioningly , "Foresaw it?"] — For of course I foresaw it! I have a gift that way! Though out of consideration for your timid natures I forebore to men- tion it — for one does not know whose turn may come next! [The ladies nod, saying, "How true!"] — Now, who — ? [Taking the Peerage from the shelf.] — Who are the unmarried Peers! [Turning over the leaves.] Mrs. Forrester. Glenmire having been a Baron her Ladyship's second choice will naturally be a viscount! Miss Betty. Or a Belted Earl! Miss Matty. [In reverential tones.] Or possibly a Bishop! 60 CRANFORD : A PLAY Miss Betty. [Piously.] Amen! Miss Matty. We must arrange a series of tea-parties ! How fortunate the new carpet is down! — Also that I have saved enough for a new silk gown. Johnson has just sent me the samples! [She takes out the samples.] — I wonder whether the Peerage would be more complimented by a yellow- spotted lilac, or a sea-green! Mrs. Forrester. I must wash the Tyrrell lace, and get a new cap. Johnson tells me that the dear Queen is wearing turbans! Miss Pole. [Turning over the leaves.] Viscount, Earl — I must get my brooches cleaned! Miss Betty. What a joyful surprise for the Honourable Mrs. Jamie- son! Miss Pole. Marquess, Bishop — And a very pretty compliment to Cranf ord I Martha. But, ma'am CRANFORD : A PLAY 61 Mary. [At the same time.] But, Miss Matty Mary and Martha. Lady Glenmire is going to be married to Mr. Hoggins! [The ladies fairly shriek with surprise.] \^ WHAT! Martha. Please, ma'am, it's the truth! Jem Hearn heard of it in Johnson's! Miss Pole. Heard of it in a public shop! You and I, Miss Matty, would be ashamed to have our marriage mentioned in a grocer's ! Miss Matty. But — it may not be true! Surely we are doing her an injustice! Miss Betty. Amen! Mrs. Fitz-Adam. [Rising.] Ladies, it's gospel true! True as eggs is eggs! [The ladies shudder.] My brother Tom Hoggins and Lady Glenmire have come to an understanding! 62 CRANFORD : A PLAY Miss Pole. Understanding! Such a coarse word, understanding! I have my own opinion of a woman who having been married once is guilty of the weakness a second time! [She closes the book with a bang.] Miss Matty. Of course Lady Glenmire is very attractive Miss Pole. Attractive? Aye, with an attraction that I should be ashamed to boast of! Miss Matty. Yet I myself have felt that in a widow her dimples were out of place! Mrs. Forrester. And her way of rustling about, bold as a lion, in black silk, when, although Glenmire drank himself to death, considering his rank, bombazine would have shown a deeper sense of loss! Miss Betty. What a blow to the Honourable Mrs. Jamieson! [A distant horn is heard in the street.] Mrs. Fitz-Adam. There they go now to church — Tom and her Ladyship! [She runs from the room in joyful excitement. The CRANFORD : A PLAY 63 ladies express refined horror. Mary and Martha run to the window and throw it open. Martha waves her apron, Mary her handkerchief. '\ Martha. Oh, but isn't it grand! Mary. The coachman wears a white favour — Mr. Hoggins looks radiant — and her Ladyship so h^ppy [The ladies exclaim, outraged.'] Miss Matty. Mary! Most unbecoming in a young person! Martha, close that window, and return to your kitchen instantly! [Martha obeys reluctantly. Mary sits near the window, looking out with the tail of her eye.] Mrs. Forrester. [Rising impressively.] I deem it due to our Order that the Cranford Ladies should draw down their blinds! Miss Betty. Amen! [Mrs. Forrester, Miss Pole and Miss Betty mxirch out with downcast eyes. Miss Matty" draws down the blind.] p aJ^"^ Mary. [Sighs, rises and takes some samples from the table, where Miss Matty had laid them.] As there will be no i(M>- Uf