COLD POISON A DUOLOGUE By HAROLD WHITAKER Copyright, 191 3, by Samuel French, Ltd New York i SAMUEL FRENCH Publisher 28-30 WEST 38TH STREET London SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd 26 Southampton Street STRAND g)CLD 35018 COLD POISON Produced at the Palladium, London, June, 191 1 with the following cast: — He . . Mr. Kenneth Doii'^las. She . . Miss Grace Lane. The Fee for each and every representation of this* play by Amateurs is Ten ShiUings and Sixpence, payable in advance to — Messrs. Samuel French, Ltd., 26, Southampton Street, Strand, London, or their authorized representatives. No performance may be given unless a written permission has first been obtained. All the costumes, wigs, and properties used in the performance of plays contained in French's list may be hired or purchased reasonably from Messrs. Charles H. Fox, Ltd., 27, Wellington Street, Strand, London. COLD POISON Scene. — A prettily furnished morning-room ; occa- sional tables, chairs, flowers, books, a large armchair by fireplace, r. door l.v.e. A young lady dis- covered reading. A bell is heard rung violently once, twice. She goes to window, looks out, returns to her chair with a look of exasperation, seizes book, sits down and pretends to read. A door bangs. (Enter a young man ivith an excited demeanour. He almost slams the door, strides fonvard and folds his arms.) He. I have come for my answer. She (quite placidly). Didn't you get it ? How careless of the post I I wrote to you yesterday to say that though I fully appreciated He (reading from letter). The honour I was paying you, which you considered the highest compliment a man can pay a woman, you deeply regretted that you must decline. You also said something about sisterly regard, and added a hope that in the days to come I might meet some good woman who — and all the rest of it. Yes, I received that letter. Childish ! Child- ish ! (Tears up letter.) She. Really, I considered it quite the usual letter to write under the circumstances. He. What has the usual letter to do with these quite unusual circumstances ? You know — you must know — I have mentioned it frequently (she sighs COLD POISON. audibly) that I love you in an entirely different man- ner from that in which any other man has ever loved \ any other woman. She. I believe it has been mathematically proved that all the possible methods of loving have been worked out long ago. He. I absolutely decline to put the tenderest and most beautiful of human emotions to a mathematical test. Love soars above the propositions of Euclid and sweeps away mere algebraical equations. These are not matters for the head, but for the heart, and 1 am perfectly certain that your heart did not dictate to you that letter. No, I refuse to accept these con- ventional shibboleths as your answer. I dechne to think that you have taken the proposal properly into consideration — that you have seriously weighed the advantages. I do not pretend to good looks, social position, or mere riches, and I should be deceiving you if I suggested that I was willing to work to ac- quire any of these things, but — but — I have a deep — an overpowering passion, and that I lay at your feet. She. Believe me, that that has not escaped me, and I may say that to me a deep and overpowering passion is something in the nature of a w^hite elephant. He (shocked). You regard the love that I am ready to bestow upon you as a white elephant, and you decline to let it nestle in your heart ? I am to under- stand that ? . . . Very well, I have your answer. Now take mine. You are feminine enough to add a postscript to your letter in which you say, " When will you be sensible ? " {Turning away, fumbles with two small bottles — obviously from their green colour and orange label, poison bottles— which he takes half out of his pocket, chooses one, which he holds before her eyes dramatically. She, by peering round, has been able to see that there are two bottles.) This is my answer. She. Well, what is it? He. Take it. Observe the green bottle and 'the orange label in accordance with the Statute in that COLD POISON. 7 behalf. Smell it, feel it, taste it, put it to any test you please. It is poison. She. But I don't want any poison. I am quite well. He. It is laudanum. She. I don't want any laudanum. I sleep perfectly. He (bitterly). So I should imagine. But do not fear for yourself. It is not for you. It is for me. It is to make me sensible. She. But I thought laudanum made one insensi- ble. He. I am sorry to see that you think the present moment a fit one for jesting. Give me the draught. She. There isn't much of it. He. It was all that I could get, and that with great difiiculty. The chemist round the corner is under the illusion that I am about to poison a favour- ite cat. She {putting bottle on table). If that is an allusion jto me {Gets up, goes towards door ttnth mock indignation. ) He. Pshaw ! I will not have this matter treated with levity. It's — it's bad taste. A hfe's tragedy is enacted before you, and what do you care ? But. mark my words, when it is too late, when the inevit- able die is drunk — I mean cast — you'll laugh the other side of your face — you'll — dash it — farewell ! (Sees that he is getting ridiculous, drinks and throws bottle on the floor.) She. What an idiotic thing to do ! He. It is not an idiotic thing to do. You wilfully misunderstand the situation. ... This is what our lively neighbours call a crime passionelle ! (fitting in armchair by fireplace.) Here I shall sit until a delicious languor steals over me, weighing down my eye-lids with its leaden fingers. 8 COLD POISON. She. Oh, you won't twist into coils ? He. The effect of laudanum is not to twist one into coils. A deadly languor will fasten on me, while I sit here She. Not here. {Taking hold of him.) He. Why not here ? She. It wouldn't do — I can't have it. He. Pah ! A man is deliberately dying for your sake, and a paltry sense of propriety forbids you from oifering him your armchair to die in. Romance has vanished before the wand of Mrs. Grundy. Imagine Juliet objecting to Romeo dying in her tomb. Imag- ine Hamlet having to go outside to expire. But, very well, I will go forth into the world and take a taxi and drive round the square until the end. She. Won't that take rather long ? 'He (taking out watch). I took the draught at 10.37. The effect will be fatal in from 35 to 40 minutes — say 1 1. 15. But why should it concern you ? You cannot undo what has been done. Forget me and be happy. (She continues to smile.) Farewell ! (Goes up to door and waits.) Farewell ! . . . Fare- well ! . . . May I ask whether or not you have any communication to make to me ? In about five and twenty minutes it will be too late. She. Only this. The quickness of the hand did not deceive the eye. You should have a few conjur- ing lessons before your next attempt to make any- body's flesh creep. It was impossible not to perceive that you had two little bottles in your pocket. He (after a pause). You noticed that ? She. Yes, and I also noticed that you drank from, the one that did not contain that stuff. It was apparent from your manner. , He. My manner ? She. You gave realistic imitations of most of our popular actors. Now, why did you do this foolish thing ? He (idiotically). I did it— I did it because I loved COLD POISON. 9 you. For weeks I have been trying to devise some means of touching the — of touching your heart. At last, in the silent night, I hit on this and cried " Eure- ka," I should see you melted, entreating me to live for your sake. She. I should do nothing of the kind under any circumstances. He. So with that hope in my breast I showed you this little bottle containing poison and drank the Hallo ! {Rushes to where he has thrown the other bottle.) Great Scott ! (.4 horror-stricken expression comes over his face.) She. What's the matter ? He. I've drunk the wrong bottle I ! (Sinks into chair.) She (in genuine alarm and distress). You are poisoned ? What shall we do ? What shall we do ? He (faintly). I don't know. I'll do anything. She. Wait a minute. Let me think ! Yes, I have it. I remember now. The antidote. You must not sit there. He (crosses and sits in another chair). All right. Where shall I sit ? She. You mustn't sit at all. You must walk up and down. You must be kept constantly moving. Come (seizes him by the arm and marches him to the other end of the room) you must walk — walk. He. All right. I'll walk. (She flings him round and they cross again and so on.) (The scene following should be played with occasional pauses in the dialogue.) ,| She. You mustn't stop for an instant. He. No, I won't. She. Quicker. Quicker ! He. All right. JPause.) I say, I feel exceed- ingly unwell. She. Of course you do. You're poisoned. He. I know. I feel simply beastly. 10 GOLD POISON. She. Don't think about it. . . . He. The pattern of this earpet is working itself into my brain. She. Look at the ceihng. He {looking at the ceiling and steppifig high). My legs are going round. She. Come on then — faster. He. I don't think I could go any faster. My legs would crumple up. She. Pretend it's the last lap. He. It is (Pause.) I say, are you sure this walking isn't a cure for snake-bites or som.ething else ? She. No — no. {Ttigs him round.) He. It's making me feel much worse. She. Don't despair ! He. Isn't drinking milk an antidote for poison- ing ? She. The milk hasn't come. He. I wish it had. I'm sure it would be much better than this. (Wails.) Why doesn't the milk- man come ? She. It's no use crying over — I mican, come on. He. I believe if I could only lie down I could sleep it off. She. That's fatal He. But my constitution requires a lot of rest. She (pulling him round). Dismiss the idea. For my sake persevere. He. It's all very well, but if you felt like I do- She (pulls him up). Only persevere and I will reconsider my answer. He. It's very good of you, but She. I have reconsidered it. You must live. He. Oh, bother living ! She. Continue to walk and I am yours. He. Oh, do let me go ! She. If you will only make this effort, I promise to marry you. COLD POISON. 11 He. If you will only let me sit down, I promise never to trouble you again. ,i She. No, no. I insist on your living. He. I don't see what right you have to insist on my living. Kindly let me sit down. [Sits.) She. This is fatal. Come on. He {violently). Look here, I won't be dragged about the room like this. She, But you must be, you are too weak to resist. He. Am 1 ? I don't want to be rough with a woman, but if argument is useless, I mttst try force. I shan't hurt you more than necessary, but I must release myself. She {as they pull each other round and round). Oh, do your worst. He. All right then. {Gives a tug, frees himself and lets her go spinning round. Then sits down in the armchair.) I told you I should. J She {folding her arms). After all, it was only a little dose. He {pimping up). Only a little dose! Really, this is beyond endurance. {Striding up and down.) I tell you that it was — that is to say, it* will be an absolutely fatal dose. Here am I obviously dying — too weak to — eh ? . She. Why, you're cured. {Laughing.) He. Cured ? She. Otherwise you could not march up and down like that. The walking has cured you. Hurray 1 He. Hurray ! Where are we ? Oh yes, you said that if I consented to live, you would marry me. You insisted on it. She. And you said that if you cnly sat down, you would never trouble me again. If I remember rightly, you made a point of it. He. I withdraw ! She. Too late. He. Is that your final answer ? She. It is. '{He makes a determined dash for the 12 COLD POISON. door.) Where are you going ? What are you gqing for? He {grimly). More poison ! She. Stop ! This has gone far enough. Con- stant poisoning must in the end undermine the con- stitution. I am not a lady doctor and I cannot face the responsibihty of it. Come and be catechized. (He comes down stage.) First, will you give up drink- ing strong poisons in between meals ? He. If you ask it. She. Will you take a moderate amount of walk- ing exercise daily ? He. Ye-es. She. Will you love me in precisely the same old unoriginal fashion in which other men love other women ? He. I will. She. Then perhaps after all it will be safe for us to walk through life He. Together ? She. Together. (Walk off at curtain, or continue.) He. And perhaps you would like to keep one of these little bottles as a souvenir of our engagement day ? (Gives her one.) She. Why, there's nothing in it. He, No, there never was anything in either of them. She. Brute ! He. Darling I (They embrace.) (Curtain.) i Printed by ■B€i;ler & Tanner, Fronie and London. .