.V) 4 o ***** * <\ vO M r - PUNCH'S HISTORY OF THE GREAT WAR mm .^ : >s\. t ? < - o^v? r>?5S PEACE— THE SOWER M r - PUNCH'S HISTORY OF THE GREAT WAR New York FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY Publishers % ' \ \ Published by arrangement with the Proprietors of "Punch. TO THE READER For whatsoever worth or wit appears In this mixed record of five hectic years, This tale of heroes, heroines — and others — Thank first u O. S." and then his band of brothers Who took their cue, with pencil and with pen. From the gay courage of our fighting men. Theirs be the praise, not his, who here supplies Merely the editorial hooks and eyes And, rich by proxy, prodigally spends The largess of his colleagues and his friends. a l. a. PROLOGUE THOUGH a lover of peace, Mr. Punch from his earliest days has not been unfamiliar with war. He was born during the Afghan campaign; in his youth England fought side by side with the French in the Crimea; he saw the old Queen bestow the first Victoria Crosses in 1857; ne was moved and stirred by the horrors and heroisms of the Indian Mutiny. A little later on, when our relations with France were strained by the Imperialism of Louis Napoleon, he had witnessed the rise of the volunteer movement and made merry with the activities of the citizen soldier of Brook Green. Later on again he had watched, not without grave misgiving, the growth of the great Prussian war machine which crushed Denmark, overthrew Austria, and having isolated Francfe, overwhelmed her heroic resistance by superior numbers and science, and stripped her of Alsace-Lorraine. In May, 1864, Mr. Punch presented the King of Prussia with the "Order of St. Gibbet " for his treatment of Denmark. In August of the same year he portrayed the brigands dividing the spoil and Prussia grabbing the lion's share, thus foreshadowing the inevitable conflict with Austria. In the war of 1870-1 he showed France on her knees but defying the new Caesar, and arraigned Bismarck before the altar of Justice for demanding exorbitant securities. And in 1873, when the German occupation was ended by the payment of the indemnity, in a flash of prophetic vision Mr. Punch pictured France, vanquished but unsubdued, bid- ding her conqueror "Au revoir." More than forty years followed, years of peace and pros- perity for Great Britain, only broken by the South African war, the wounds of which were healed by a generous settle- ment. But all the time Germany was preparing for "The Day," steadily perfecting her war machine, enlarging her armies, vii Prologue creating a great fleet, and piling up colossal supplies of guns and munitions, while her professors and historians, harnessed to the car of militarism, inflamed the people against England as the jealous enemy of Germany's legitimate expansion. Abroad, like a great octopus, she was fastening the tentacles GAUL TO THE NEW CESAR " Defiance, Emperor, while I have strength to hurl it ! " (Dec. 17, 1870) of permeation and penetration in every corner of the globe, honeycombing Russia and Belgium, France, England and America with secret agents, spying and intriguing and abusing our hospitality. For twenty-five years the Kaiser was our frequent and honoured, if somewhat embarrassing, guest, pro- viii THE REWARD OF (DE)MERIT King Punch presenteth Prussia with the Order of "St. Gibbet." {May 7, 1864) IX Prologue fessing friendship for England and admiration of her ways, shooting at Sandringham, competing at Cowes, sending tele- grams of congratulation to the University boat-race winners, ingratiating himself with all he met by his social gifts, his vivacious conversation, his prodigious versatility and energy. Mr. Punch was no enemy of Germany. He remembered — none better — the debt we owe to her learning and her art; to Bach and Beethoven, to Handel, the "dear Saxon " who adopted our citizenship; to Mendelssohn, who regarded England as his second home; to her fairy tales and folk-lore; to the Brothers Grimm and the Struwwelpeter ; to the old kindly Germany which has been driven mad by War Lords and Pan- Germans. If Mr. Punch's awakening was gradual he at least recognised the dangerous elements in the Kaiser's character as far back as October, 1888, when he underlined Bismarck's warning against Cassarism. In March, 1890, appeared Tenniel's famous cartoon "Dropping the Pilot"; in May of the same year the Kaiser appears as the Enfant Terrible of Europe, rocking the boat and alarming his fellow-rulers. In January, 1892, he is the Imperial Jack-in-the-Box with a finger in every pie; in March, 1892, the modern Alexander, who Assumes the God, Affects to nod, And seems to shake the spheres ; though unfortunately never nodding in the way that Homer did. (This cartoon, by the way, caused Punch to be excluded for a while from the Imperial Palace.) In February, 1896, Mr. Punch drew the Kaiser as Fidgety Will. In January, 1897, he was the Imperial actor-manager casting himself for a leading part in Un Voyage en Chine; in October of the same year he was "Cook's Crusader," sym- pathising with the Turk at the time of the Cretan ultimatum ; and in April, 1903, the famous visit to Tangier suggested the Moor of Potsdam wooing Morocco to the strains of " Unter den Linden " — always at Home, "Under the Limelight," wherever I roam. x "AU REVOIR!" Germany : " Farewell, Madam, and if " France : " Ha ! We shall meet again ! " (Sept. 27, 1873) XI Prologue In 1905 the Kaiser was "The Sower of Tares," the enemy of Europe. In 1910 he was Teutonising and Prussifying Turkey; in 191 1 discovering to his discomfort that the Triple Entente was a solid fact. And in September, 1913, he was shown as unable to dis- THE STORY OF FIDGETY WILHELM (Up-to-date Version of "Struwwelpeter ") " Let me see if Wilhelm can Be a little gentleman ; Let me see if he is able To sit still for once at table ! " Feb. 1, 1896. "But Fidgety Will He won't sit still." Just like any bucking horse. " Wilhelm ! We are getting /e are getting cross ! ' semble his disappointment at the defeat of the German-trained Turkish army by the Balkan League. So, too, with Turkey. From 1876 to 1913 Mr. Punch's cartoons on the Near East are one continuous and illuminating commentary on Lord Salisbury's historic admission that we xii THE SOWER OF TARES (After Millars, Atis?. 23, 1905) XI 11 Prologue had "backed the wrong horse," culminating' in the cartoon "Armageddon : a Diversion " in December, 191 2, when Turkey- says " Good ! If only all these other Christian nations get at one another's throats I may have a dog's chance yet." Throughout the entire series the Sick Man remains cynical and impenitent, blowing endless bubble-promises of reform SOLID Germany: " Donnerwetter! It's rock. I thought it was going to be paper." {Aug. 2, 1911) from his hookah, bullying and massacring his subject races whenever he had the chance, playing off the jealousies of the Powers, one against the other, to further his own sinister ends. Yet Mr. Punch does not wish to lay claim to any special prescience or wisdom, for, in spite of lucid intervals of fore- sight, we were all deceived by Germany. Nearly fifty years of peace had blinded us to fifty years of relentless preparation for war. But if we were deceived by the treachery of Germany's xiv Prologue false professions, we had no monopoly of illusion. Germany- made the huge mistake of believing that we would stand out — that we dared not support France in face of our troubles and divisions at home. She counted on the pacific influences in a Liberal Cabinet, on the looseness of the ties which bound us to our Dominions, on the "contemptible " numbers of our Expeditionary Force, on the surrender of Belgium. She had willed the War; the tragedy of Sarajevo gave her the excuse. There is no longer any need to fix the responsibility. The roots of the world conflict which seemed obscure to a neutral statesman have long been laid bare by the avowals of the chief criminal. The story is told in the Memoir of Prince Lichnowsky, in the revelations of Dr. Muehlon of Krupp's, in the official correspondence that has come to light since the Revolution of Berlin. Germany stands before the bar of civilisation as the reus confitens in the cause of light against darkness, freedom against world enslavement. So the War began, and if "when war begins then hell opens," the saying gained a tenfold truth in the greatest War of all, when the aggressor at once began to wage it on non- combatants, on the helpless and innocent, on women and children, with a cold and deliberate ferocity unparalleled in history. Let it now be frankly owned that in the shock of this discovery Mr. Punch thought seriously of putting up his shutters. How could he carry on in a shattered and mourning world ? The chronicle that follows shows how it became possible, thanks to the temper of all our people in all parts of the Empire, above all to the unwavering confidence of our sailors and soldiers, to that "wonderful spirit of light-hearted- ness, that perpetual sense of the ridiculous " which, in the words of one of Mr. Punch's many contributors from the front, "even under the most appalling conditions never seemed to desert them, and which indeed seemed to flourish more freely in the mud and rain of the front line trenches than in the comparative comfort of billets or ' cushy jobs.' " Tommy gave Mr. Punch his cue, and his high example was not thrown away on those at home, where, when all allowance is made for shirkers and slackers and scaremongers, callous pleasure- seekers, faint-hearted pacificists, rebels and traitors, the great xv Prologue majority so bore themselves as to convince Mr. Punch that it was not only a privilege but a duty to minister to mirth even at times when one hastened to laugh for fear of being obliged to weep. In this resolve he was fortified and encouraged, week after week, by the generous recognition of his efforts which came from all parts of our far-flung line. This is no formal History of the War in the strict or scientific sense of the phrase; no detailed record of naval and military operations. There have been many occasions on which silence or reticence seemed the only way to maintain the national com- posure. It is Mr. Punch's History of the Great War, a mirror of varying moods, month by month, but reflecting in the main how England remained steadfastly true to her best traditions; how all sorts and conditions of men and women comported themselves throughout the greatest ordeal that had ever befallen their race. XVI M" PUNCH'S HISTORY of the GREAT WAR August, igi4. FOUR weeks ago we stood on the verge of the great up- heaval and knew it not. We were thinking of holidays; of cricket and golf and bathing, and then were suddenly plunged in the deep waters of the greatest of all Wars. It has been a month of rude awakening, of revelation, of discovery — of many moods varying from confidence to deep misgiving, yet dominated by a sense of relief that England has chosen the right course. Sir Edward Grey's statement that we meant to stand by France and fulfil our obligations to Belgium rallied all parties. "Thrice armed is he that hath his quarrel just." The Fleet "stands fast" and the vigil of the North Sea has begun. Lord Kitchener has gone to the War Office, and in twelve days from the declaration of War our Expeditionary Force, the best trained and equipped army that England has ever put into the field, landed in France. The Dominions and India are staunch. Every able-bodied public school boy and under- graduate of military age has joined the colours. The Admiralty is crowded with living counterparts of Captain Kettle, offering their services in any capacity, linking up the Merchant Marine with the Royal Navy in one great solidarity of the sea. The Empire is sound and united. So far the omens are good. But as the days pass the colossal task of the Allies becomes increasingly apparent. Peace-loving nations are con- fronted by a Power which has prepared for war for forty years, equipped in every detail as no Power has ever been equipped before, with a docile and well-disciplined people trained to arms, fortified by a well-founded belief in their invincibility, reinforced D i Mr. Punch's History of the Great War by armies of spies in every country, hostile or neutral. We are up against the mightiest War-machine of all time, wonderful in organisation, joining the savagery of the barbarian to the deadliest resources of modern science. The revelation of the black soul of Germany is the greatest and the most hideous surprise of this month of months, crowning long years of treachery and the abuse of hospitality with an orgy of butchery and devastation — the torture and massacre of old men, women and children, the shooting of hostages, the sack and burning of towns and the destruction of ancient seats of learning. Yet we feel that in trampling upon heroic Belgium, who dared to bar the gate, Germany has outraged the conscience of the world and sealed her ultimate doom. The month closes in gloom, the fall of Liege, Namur and Brussels, the sack of Louvain, and the repulse of the Russian raid into East Prussia at Tannenberg following in rapid suc- cession. Against these disasters we have to set the brilliant engagement in the Heligoland Bight. But the onrush of the Germans on the Western front is not stayed, though their time- table has been thrown out by the self-sacrifice of the Belgians, the steadfast courage of French's "contemptible little army" in the retreat from Mons, and the bold decision of Smith- Dorrien, who saved the situation at Le Cateau. In these days of apprehension and misgiving, clouded by alarming rumours of a broken and annihilated army, it sometimes seems as though we should never smile again. Where, in a world of blood and tears, can Punch exercise his function without outraging the fitness of things? These doubts have been with us from the beginning, but they are already being resolved by the discovery — another of the wonders of the time — that on the very fringes of tragedy there is room for cheerfulness. When our fighting men refuse to be downhearted in the direst peril, we at home should follow their high example, note where we can the humours of the fray, and "bear in silence though our hearts may bleed." Germany in one brief month has given us a wonderful exhibition of conscienceless strength, of disciplined ferocity. She has shown an equally amazing failure to read the character of her foes aright. We now know what German Kultur 2 BRAVO, BELGIUM ! Mr. Punch's History of the Great War means : but of the soul and spirit of England she knows nothing. Least of all does she understand that formidable and incorrigible levity which refuses to take hard knocks seriously. It will be our privilege to assist in educating our enemies on these and other points, even though, as Lord Kitchener thinks, it takes three years to do it. The Mad Dog of Europe is Medical Officer: "Sorry I must reject you on account of your teeth." Would-be-Recruit : " Man, ye're making a gran' mistake. I'm no wanting to bite the Germans, I'm wanting to shoot 'em." loose, but we remember the fate of the dog who "to serve some private ends went mad and bit the man." "The man recovered from his bite, the dog it was that died." Meanwhile the Official Press Bureau has begun its operations, the Prince of Wales's Relief Fund for the relief of those who may suffer distress through the war is started, and in the City Because beneath grey Northern Skies Some grey hulls heave and fall, The merchants sell their merchandise All just as usual. Germany Unmasked September, 1914. a NOTHER month of revelations and reticences, of carnage Z\ and destruction, loss and gain, with the miracle of the A- -*- Marne as the first great sign of the turning of the tide. On September 3 the Paris Government moved to Bordeaux, on the 5th the retreat from Mons ended, on the 13th Joffre, always unboastful and laconic, announced the rolling back of the invaders, on the 15th the battle of the Aisne had begun. What an Iliad of agony, endurance and heroism lies behind these dates — the ordeal and deliverance of Paris, the steadfast- ness of the "Contemptibles," the martyrdom of Belgium! Day by day Germany unmasks herself more clearly in her true colours from highest to lowest. The Kaiser reveals him- self as a blasphemer and hypocrite, the Imperial crocodile with the bleeding heart, the Crown Prince as a common brigand, the High Command as chief instigators to ferocity, the rank and file as docile instruments of butchery and torture, content to use Belgium women as a screen when going into action. THE TWO GERMANIES Marvellous the utter transformation Of the spirit of the German nation ! Once the land of poets, seers and sages, Who enchant us in their deathless pages, Holding high the torch of Truth, and earning Endless honour by their zeal for learning. Such the land that in an age uncouther Bred the soul-emanoipating Luther. Such the land that made our debt the greater By the gift of Faust and Struwwelpeter. Now the creed of Nietzsche, base, unholy, Guides the nation's brain and guides it solely. Now Mozart's serene and joyous magic Yields to Richard Strauss, the hemorrhagic* * Great play is made in Strauss's Elektra with the " slippery blood " motive. 5 Mr. PuiicJis History of the Great War Now the eagle changing to the vulture Preaches rapine in the name of culture. Now the Prussian Junker, blind with fury, Claims to be God's counsel, judge and jury, While the authentic German genius slumbers, Cast into the limbo of back numbers. The campaign of lies goes on with immense energy in all neutral countries, for the Kaiser is evidently of opinion that the pen is perhaps mightier than the sword. At home the great improvisation of the New Armies, under- taken by Lord Kitchener in the teeth of much expert criticism, goes steadily on. Lord Kitchener asked for 500,000 men, and he has got them. On September 10 the House voted another half million. The open spaces in Hyde Park are given over to training; women are beginning to take the place of men. Already the spirit of the new soldiers is growing akin to that of the regulars. One of Mr. Punch's brigade, who has begun to send his impressions of the mobilised Territorials, sums it up very well when he says that, amateurs or professionals, they are all very much alike. "Feed them like princes and pamper them like babies, and they'll complain all the time. But stand them up to be shot at and they'll take it as a joke, and rather a good joke, too." Lord Roberts maintains a dignified reticence, but that is "Bobs' way " : He knew, none better, how 'twould be, And spoke his warning far and wide : He worked to save us ceaselessly, Setting his well-earned ease aside. We smiled and shrugged and went our way, Blind to the swift approaching blow : His every word proves true to-day, But no man hears, " I told you so ! " Meanwhile General Botha, Boer and Briton too, is on the war-path, and we can, without an undue stretch of imagination, picture him composing a telegram to the Kaiser in these terms : "Just off to repel another raid. Your customary wire of con- gratulations should be addressed, ' British Headquarters, Ger- man South- West Africa.' " 6 GOD (AND THE WOMEN) OUR SHIELD Study of a German Gentleman going into Action Mr. Punch* s History oj the Great War The rigours of the Censorship are pressing hard on war correspondents. Official news of importance trickles in in driblets : for the rest, newspaper men, miles from the front, are driven to eke out their dispatches with negligible trivialities. We know that Rheims Cathedral is suffering wanton bombard- ment. And a great many of us believe that at least a quarter of a million Russians have passed through England on their way to France. The number of people who have seen them Porter: "Do I know if the Rooshuns has really come to England? Well, sir, if this don't prove it, I don't know what do. A train went through here full, and when it came back I knowed there'd been Rooshuns in it, 'cause the cushions and floors was covered with snow." is large : that of those who have seen people who have seen them is enormous. We gather that the Press Bureau has no notion whether the rumour is true or not, and cannot think of any way of finding out. But it consents to its publication in the hope that it will frighten the Kaiser. Apropos of the Russians we learn that they have won a pronounced victory (though not by us) at Przemysl. Motto for the month : Grattes le Prusse et vous trouveres le barbare. 8 UNCONQUERABLE The Kaiser: "So, you see — you've lost everything. The King of the Belgians: " Not my soul." Mr. Punch's History of the Great War October, 1914. A NTWERP has fallen and the Belgian Government re- l\ moved to Havre. But the spirit of the King and his -*- -*» army is unshaken. Unshaken, too, is the courage of Burgomaster Max of Brussels, "who faced the German bullies with the stiffest of stiff backs." The Kaiser has been foiled in his hope of witness- ing the fall of Nancy, the drive for the Channel ports has begun at Ypres, and German submarines have retorted to Mr. Churchill's threat to "dig out" the German Fleet " like rats" by torpedoing three battleships. Trench warfare is in full and deadly swing, but "Thomas of the light heart" refuses to be downhearted : He takes to fighting- as a game, He does no talking through his hat Of holy missions : all the same He has his faith — be sure of that : He'll not disgrace his sporting breed Nor play what isn't cricket. There's his creed. Last month Lord Kitchener paid a high tribute to the growing efficiency of the "Terriers" and their readiness to go anywhere. Punch's representative with the "Watch Dogs" fully bears out this praise. They have been inoculated and are ready to move on. Some suggest India, others Egypt. "But what tempted the majority was the thought of a season's shooting without having to pay for so much as a gun licence, and so we decided for the Continent." News from the front continues scanty, and Joffre's laconic communiques might in sum be versified as follows : On our left wing the state of things remains Unaltered on a general review, Our losses in the centre match our gains, And on our right wing there is nothing new. Nor do we gain much enlightenment from the "Eye- witness" with G.H.Q., though his literary skill in elegantly describing the things that do not matter moves our admiration. 10 Prophecies and Miracles W> i Officer Recruit Officer self ? " Recruit THE BULL-DOG BREED " Now, my lad, do you know what you are placed here for ? " "To prevent the henemy from landin', sir." " And do you think you could prevent him landing all by your- " Don't know, sir, I'm sure. But I'd have a damn good try!" The Kaiser's sons continue to distinguish themselves as first- class looters, and the ban laid on the English language, in- cluding very properly the word "gentleman," has been lifted in favour of Wilhelm Shakespeare. The prophets are no longer so optimistic in predicting when the War will end. One of Mr. Punch's young men suggests Christmas, 1918. But 500 German prisoners have arrived at Templemore, co. Tipperary. It's a long, long way, but they've got there at last. T November, 19 14. HE miracle of the Marne has been followed by another miracle — that of Ypres. Outgunned and outnumbered, our thin line has stemmed the rush to the sea. The road to Calais has been blocked like that to Paris. 11 Mr. Punch s History of the Great War Heartening news comes from afar of the fall of Tsing-tau before our redoubtable Japanese allies, and with it the crumbling of Germany's scheme of an Oriental Empire; of the British occu- pation of Basra; and of the sinking of the Emden, thanks to the "good hunting ".of the Sydney — the first fruits of Australian aid. A new enemy has appeared in Turkey, but her defection has its consolations. It is something to be rid of an "unspeak- able " incubus full of promises of reform never fulfilled, "sick " but unrepentant, always turning European discord to bloody account at the expense of her subject nationalities : in all respects a fitting partner for her ally and master. At sea our pain at the loss of the Good Hope and Monmouth off Coronel is less than our pride in the spirit of the heroic Cradock, true descendant of Grenville and Nelson, prompt to give battle against overwhelming odds. The soul of the "Navy Eternal" draws fresh strength from his example. So, too, does the Army from the death of Lord Roberts, the "happy warrior," who passed away while visiting the Western front. The best homage we can pay him is not grief or Vain regret for counsel given in vain, But service of our lives to keep her free The land fie served : a pledge above his grave To give her even such a gift as he, The soul of loyalty, gave. Even the Germans have paid reluctant tribute to one who, as Bonar Law said in the House, "was in real life all, and more than all, that Colonel Newcome was in fiction." He was the exemplar in excelsis of those "bantams," "little and good," who, after being rejected for their diminutive stature, are now joining up under the new regulations : Apparently he's just as small, But since his size no more impedes him In spirit he is six foot tall — Because his country needs him. We have begun to think in millions. The war is costing a million a day. The Chancellor of the Exchequer has launched a war loan of 230 millions and doubled our income tax. The 12 THE EXCURSIONIST Tripper Wilhelm: "First Class to Paris." Clerk: " Line blocked." Wilhelm : " Then make it Warsaw." Clerk: "Line blocked." Wilhelm: "Well, what about Calais ? " Clerk: " Line blocked." Wilhelm: "Hang it! I must go somewhere/ I promised my people I would." 13 Mr. Punclis History of the Great War Prime Minister asks for an addition of a million men to the Regular Army. But the country has not yet fully awakened to the realities of war. Football clubs are concerned with the "jostling of the ordinary patrons" by men in uniform. "Busi- ness as usual" is interpreted as "pleasure as usual " in some quarters. Rumour is busy with stories of mysterious prisoners in the Tower, with tales of huge guns which are to shell us from Calais when the Germans get there; with reports (from neutral sources) of the speedy advent of scores of Zeppelins and hundreds of aeroplanes over London. But though Old England's dark o' nights and short Of 'buses : still she's much the sort Of place we always used to know. It is otherwise with Belgium, with its shattered homes and wrecked towns. The great Russian legend is still go- ing strong, in spite of the statements of the Under- Secretary for War, and, after all, why should the Ger- mans do all the story telling ? By the way, a " German Truth Society " has been founded. It is pleasant to know that it is realised over there at last that there i s a difference between Truth and German Truth. The British Navy, we learn from the Kolnische T.B.D. Officer's Steward: "Will you take your bath, sir, before or after haction ? 14 Coronet Avenged Zeitung, "is in hiding." But our fragrant contemporary need not worry. In due course the Germans shall have the hiding. Income ways the unchanged spirit of our people is rather disconcerting. One of Mr. Punch's young men, happening to meet a music-hall acquaintance, asked him how he thought the war was going, and met with the answer: " Oh, I think the managers will have to give in." And the proposal to change the name of Berlin Road at Lewisham has been rejected bv the residents. I December, igi4- N less than six weeks Coronel has been avenged at the battle of the Falkland Islands : Hardened steel are our ships; Gallant tars are our men; We never are wordy (Sturdee, boys, Sturdee !), But quietly conquer again and again. Here at least we can salute the vanquished. Admiral von Spee, who went down with his doomed squadron, was a gallant and chivalrous antagonist, like Captain Miiller, of the Emden. Germany's retort, eight days later, by bombarding Scarborough and Whitby, reveals the normal Hun : Come where you will — the seas are wide ; And choose your Day — they're all alike; You'll find us ready when we ride In calm or storm and wait to strike ; But — if of shame your shameless Huns Can yet retrieve some casual traces — Please fight our men and ships and guns, Not womenfolk and watering places. Austria's "punitive expedition" has ended in disaster for the Austrians. They entered Belgrade on the 2nd, and were driven out twelve days later by the Serbs. King George has 15 Mr. Punch's History of the Great War paid his first visit to the front, and made General Foch a G.C.B. We know that the General is a great authority on strategy, and that his name, correctly pronounced, rhymes with Boche, as hero with Nero. He is evidently a man likely to be heard of again. Another hitherto unfamiliar name that has cropped up is that of Herr Lissauer, who, for writing a " Hymn of Hate " against England, has been decorated by the Kaiser. This shows true magnanimity on the part of the Kaiser, in his capacity of King of Prussia, since the "Hymn of Hate " turns out to be a close adaptation of a poem composed by a Saxon patriot, in which Prussia, not England, was held up to execration. Kitchener's great improvisation is already bearing fruit, and the New Armies are flocking to the support of the old. Indian troops are fighting gallantly in three continents. King Albert "the unconquerable," in the narrow strip of his country that still belongs to him, waits in unshaken faith for the coming of the dawn. And as Christmas draws on the thoughts of officers and men in the waterlogged trenches turn fondly home- ward to mothers, wives and sweethearts : Cheer up! I'm calling far away; And wireless you can hear. Cheer up ! You know you'd have me stay And keep on trying day by day ; We're winning, never fear. Christmas at least brings the children's truce, and that is some- thing to be thankful for, but it is not the Christmas that we knew and long for : ON EARTH— PEACE No stir of wings sweeps softly by ; No angel comes with blinding light; Beneath the wild and wintry sky No shepherds watch their flocks to-night. In the dull thunder of the wind We hear the cruel guns afar, But in the glowering' heavens we find No guiding-, solitary star. 16 THE CHILDREN'S PEACE Peace: "I'm glad that they, at least, have their Christmas unspoiled." 17 Mr. Punch* s History of the Great War But lo ! on this our Lord's birthday, Lit by the glory whence she came, Peace, like a warrior, stands at bay, A swift, defiant, living- flame ! Full-armed she stands in shining mail, Erect, serene, unfaltering still, Shod with a strength that cannot fail, Strong- with a fierce o'ermastering will. Where shattered homes and ruins be She fights through dark and desperate days ; Beside the watchers on the sea She guards the Channel's narrow ways. Through iron hail and shattering shell, Where the dull earth is stained with red, Fearless she fronts the gates of Hell And shields the unforgotten dead. So stands she, with her all at stake, And battles for her own dear life, That by one victory she may make For evermore an end of strife. Yet we have our minor war gains in the temporary dis- appearance of cranks and faddists, some of whom have sunk without a ripple. And though the Press Censor's suppressions and delays and inconsistencies provoke discontent in the House and out of it, food for mirth turns up constantly in unexpected quarters. The Crown Prince tells an American interviewer that there is no War Party in Germany, nor has there ever been. The German General Staff have begun to disguise set-backs under the convenient euphemism that the situation has developed "according to expectation." An English village worthy, discussing the prospects of invasion, comes to the reassuring conclusion that "there can't be no battle in these parts, Jarge, for there bain't no field suitable, as you may say; an' Squire, 'e won't lend 'em the use of 'is park." The troubles of neutrality are neatly summed up in a paper in a recent geography examination. "Holland is a low country, in fact it is such a very low country that it is no wonder that it is dammed all round." .18 Trials on the Home Front The trials of mistresses on the home front are happily- described in the reply of a child to a small visitor who inquired after her mother. "Thank you, poor mummie's a bit below herself this morning — what with the cook and the Kaiser." Pompous Lady: "I shall descend at Knightsbridge." Tommy (aside) : " Takes 'erself for a bloomin' Zeppelin ! " We have to thank an ingenious correspondent for drawing up the following "credibility index" for the guidance of perplexed newspaper readers : London, Paris, or Petrograd (official) ,, ,, ,, (semi-official) Berlin (official) It is believed in military circles here that — A correspondent that has just returned from the firing-line tells me that — Our correspondent at Rome announces that — Berlin (unofficial) I learn from a neutral merchant that — A story is current in Venice to the effect that — It is rumoured that — 19 100 5o 25 24 18 11 10 7 5 4 Mr. Punch's History of the Great War I have heard to-day from a reliable source that — 3 I learn on unassailable authority that — 2 It is rumoured in Rotterdam that — ... 1 Wolff's Bureau states that — o January, 1915. GENERAL VON KLUCK "never got round on the right." Calais is Calais still, and the Kaiser, if he still wishes to give it a new name, may call it the "Never, Never Land." "General Janvier" is doing his worst, but our men are sticking it out through slush and slime. As for the Christmas truce and fraternisation, the British officer who ended a situation that was proving impossible by presenting a dingy Saxon with a copy of Punch in exchange for a packet of cigarettes, acted with a wise candour: For there he found, our dingy friend, Amid the trench's sobering- slosh, What must have left him, by the end, A wiser, if a sadder, Boche, Seeing himself, with chastened mien, In that pellucid well of Truth serene. There can be no "fraternising" with Fritz until he realises that he has been fooled by his War Lords; and his awakening is a long way off. Lord Kitchener has been charged with being "very economical in his information " vouchsafed to the Lords, but it is well to be rid of illusions. This has not been a month of great events. General Joffre is content with this ceaseless "nibbling." The Kaiser, nourished by the flattery of his tame professors, encourages the war on non-combatants. The Turks are beginning to show a gift for euphemism in disguising their reverses in the Caucasus, which shows that they have nothing to learn from their masters; Austria, badly mauled by the Serbians, addresses awful threats to Roumania; and the United States has issued a warning Note on neutral trading. But the American Eagle is not the Eagle that we are up against. 20 THE FLIGHT THAT FAILED The Emperor: "What! No babes, Sirrah ? " The Murderer: " Alas, Sire, none." The Emperor : " Well, then, no babes, no iron crosses." [Exit luuvdcvey, discouraged.) 2 I Mr. Punch's History of the Great War The number of Mr. Punch's correspondents on active service steadily grows. Some of them are at the Western front; others are still straining at the leash at home; another of the Punch brigade, with the very first battalion of Territorials to land in India, has begun to send his impressions of the shiny land ; of friendly natives and unfriendly ants ; of the disappointment of being relegated to clerical duties instead of going to the front; of the evaporation of visions of military glory in the routine of typing, telephoning and telegraphing; of leisurely Oriental methods. Being a soldier clerk in India is very different from being a civilian clerk in England. Patience, good Territorials in India, your time will come. At home, though the "knut" has been commandeered and nobly transmogrified, though women are increasingly occupied in war work and entering with devotion and self-sacrifice on their new duties as substitutes for men, we have not yet been wholly purged of levity and selfishness. Football news has not receded into its true perspective; shirkers are more pre- THE SHIRKERS' WAR NEWS There! What did I tell you? Northdown Lambs beaten — two to nothing." 22 Germany and her Pigs occupied with the defeat or victory of "Lambs" or "Wolves" in Lancashire than with the stubborn defence, the infinite dis- comfort and the heavy losses of their brothers in Flanders. Overdressed fashionables pester wounded officers and men with their unreasonable visits and futile queries. The enemies in our midst are not all aliens; there are not a few natives we should like to see interned. The Kaiser has had his first War birthday and, as the Prussian Government has ordered that there shall be no public celebrations, this confirms the rumours that he now wishes he had never been born. Germany, says the Cologne Gazette in an article on the food question, "has still at hand a very large supply of pigs " — even after the enormous number she has exported to Belgium. Germany, however, does not only export pigs; her trade in "canards" with neutrals grows and grows, chiefly with the United States, thanks to the untiring mendacity of Bernstorff and Wolff. Compared with these efforts, the revelations of English governesses at German courts, which are now finding their way into print, make but a poor show. As the British armies increase, the moustache of the British officer, one of the most astonishing products of these astonishing times, grows "small by degrees and beautifully less." Waxed ends, fashionable in a previous generation, are now only worn by policemen, taxi-drivers and labour leaders. The Kaiser remains faithful to the Mephistophelean form. But in proof of his desire to make the best of both worlds, nether and celestial, he continues to commandeer " Gott " on every occasion as his second in command. Out-Heroding Herod as a murderer of innocents, he enters into a competition of piety with his grandfather. For we should not forget that the first German Emperor's messages to his wife in the Franco-Prussian War were once summed up by Mr. Punch : Ten thousand French have gone below; Praise God from Whom all blessingfs flow. 23 Mr. Punch's History of the Great War J Febrttary, 1915. ANUARY ended with a knock for the Germans off the Dogger Bank, when the Blilcher was sunk by our Battle- Cruiser Squadron : They say the Lion and the Tiger sweep Where once the Huns shelled babies from the deep, And Blilcher, that great cruiser — 12-inch guns Roar o'er his head, but cannot break his sleep. And now it is the turn of "Johnny Turk," who has had his knock on the Suez Canal, and failed to solve the Riddle of the Sands under German guidance. Having safely locked up his High Seas Fleet in the Kiel Canal, the Kaiser has ordered the U-boat blockade of England to begin by the torpedoing of neutral as well as enemy merchant ships. You may know a man by the company he keeps, and the Kaiser's friends are now the Jolly Roger and Sir Roger Casement. Valentine's Day has come and gone. Here are some lines from a damp but undefeated lover in the trenches : Though the glittering knight whose charger Bore him on his lady's quest With an infinitely larger Share of warfare's pomp was blest, Yet he offered love no higher, No more difficult to quench, Than the filthy occupier Of this unromantic trench. The fusion of classes in the camps of the New Armies outdoes the mixture of "cook's son and duke's son" fifteen years ago. The old Universities are now given up to a handful of coloured students, Rhodes' scholars and reluctant crocks. As a set-off, however, a Swansea clergyman and football enthusiast has held a "thanksgiving service for their good fortune against Newcastle United." Meanwhile, the Under-Secretary for War has stated that the army costs more in a week than the total estimates for the Waterloo campaign, and that our casualties on the Western 24 RUNNING AMOK German Bull : " I know I'm making a rotten exhibition of my- self ; but I shall tell everybody I was goaded into it." 25 Mr. Punch s History of the Great War front alone have amounted to over 100,000. So what with submarine losses, ubiquitous German spies, the German propaganda in America, and complaints of Government inactivity, the pessimists are having a fine time. Tommy grouses of course, but then he complains far more of the loss of a packet of cigarettes or a tin of peppermints or a mouth- organ than of the loss of a limb. Germany's attitude towards the United States tempers the blandishments of the serenader with the occasional discharge of half-bricks. There is no such inconsistency in the expression of her feelings about England. Articles entitled " Unser Hass gegen England " constantly appear in the German Press, and people are beginning to wonder whether the Hass is not the Kaiser. Apropos of newspapers, we are beginning to harbour a certain envy of the Americans. Even their provincial organs often contain important and cheering news of the doings of the British Army many days before the Censor releases the information in England. Daylight saving is again being talked of, and it would surely be an enormous boon to rush the measure through now so that the Germans may have less darkness of which to take advantage. And there is a general and reasonable feeling that more use should be made of bands for recruiting. The ways of German musicians are perplexing. Here is the amiable Herr Humperdinck, composer of "Hansel and Gretel," the very embodiment of the old German kindliness, signing the Manifesto of patriotic artists and professors who execrate England, while Strauss, the truculent "Mad Mullah" of the Art, holds aloof. Dr. Hans Richter, who enjoyed English hospitality so long, now clamours for our extinction ; it is even said that he has asked to be allowed to conduct a Parsifal airship to this country. March, igi$. ANEW and possibly momentous chapter has opened in the history of the War by the attempt to force the Dardanelles. At the end of February the Allied Fleet bombarded the forts at the entrance, and landed a party of 26 27 Mr. Pundis History of the Great War bluejackets. Since then these naval operations have been resumed, and our new crack battleship Queen Elisabeth has joined in the attack. We have not got through the Narrows, and some sceptical critics are asking what we should do if we got through to Constantinople, without a land force. It is a great scheme, if it comes off; and the "only begetter" of it, if report is true, is Mr. Winston Churchill, the strategist of the Antwerp expedition, who now aspires to be the Dardanelson of our age. Anyhow, the Sultan, lured on by the Imperial William o' the Wisp, is already capable of envying even his predecessor : Abdul ! I would that I had shared your plight, Or Europe seen my heels, Before the hour when Allah bound me tight To William's chariot-wheels ! Germany, always generous with other people's property, has begun to hint to Italy possibilities of compensation in the shape of certain portions of Austro-Hungarian territory. She has also declared that she is "fighting for the independence of the small nations," including, of course, Belgium. In further evidence of her humanity she has taken to spraying our soldiers in the West with flaming" petrol and squirting boiling pitch over our Russian allies. It is positively a desecration of the word devil to apply it to the Germans whether on land, on or under water, or in the air. We have begun to "push " on the Western front, and Neuve Chapelle has been captured, after a fierce battle and at terrible cost. Air raids are becoming common in East Anglia and U-boats unpleasantly active in the North Sea. Let us take off our hats to the mine-sweepers and trawlers, the new and splendid auxiliaries of the Royal Navy. Grimsby is indeed a " name to resound for ages " for what its fishermen have done and are doing in the war against mine and submarine : Soles in the Silver Pit — an' there we'll let 'em lie; Cod on the Dogger — oh, we'll fetch 'em by an' by; War on the water — an' it's time to serve an' die, For there's wild work doin' on the North Sea ground. 28 WILLIAM O' THE WISP 29 Mr. Punch's History of the Great War An' it's "Wake up, Johnnie!" they want you at the trawlin' (With your long sea-boots and your tarry old tarpaulin) ; All across the bitter seas duty comes a-callin' In the Winter's weather off the North Sea ground. It's well we've learned to laugh at fear — the sea has taught us how; It's well we've shaken hands with death — we'll not be strangers now, With death in every climbin' wave before the trawler's bow, An' the black spawn swimmin-' on the North Sea ground. These brave men and their heroic brothers in the trenches are true sportsmen as well as patriots, not those who interpret the need of lightheartedness by the cult of "sport as usual " on the football field and the racecourse. And the example of the Universities shines with the same splendour. Of the scanty remnant that remain at Oxford and Cambridge all the physically lit have joined the O.T.C. Boat-race day has passed, but the crews are gone to "keep it long" and "pull it through" elsewhere : Not here their hour of great emprise; No' mounting cheer towards Mortlake roars ; Lulled to full tide the river lies Unfretted by the fighting oars ; The long high toil of strenuous play Serves England elsewhere well to-day. London changes daily. The sight of the female Jehu is becoming familiar; the lake in St. James's Park has been drained and the water-fowl driven to form a concentration camp by the sorry pool that remains beside the Whitehall Gate. Spy-hunting is prevalent in East Anglia, but the amateurs have not achieved any convincing results. Spring poets are suffering from suspended animation ; there is a slump in crocuses, snowdrops, daffodils and lambkins. Their "musings always turn away to men who're arming for the fray." The clarion and the fife have ousted the pastoral ode. And our military and naval experts, harassed by the Censor, take refuge in psychology. The Kolnische Zeitung has published a whole article on "Mr. Punch." The writer, a Herr Professor, finds our cartoons lacking in "modest refinement." Indeed, he goes so far as to 30 Luther s Criticism say that the treatment of the Kaiser savours of blasphemy. One is so apt to forget that the Kaiser is a divinity, so prone to remember that Luther wrote, "We Germans are Germans, THE WAR SPIRIT AT THE BRITISH MUSEUM Ardent Egyptologist (who has lately joined the Civic Guard) : " No, 1 seem to have lost my enthusiasm for this group since 1 noticed Bes-Hathor- Horus was out of step with the other two." and Germans we will remain — that is to say, pigs and brutish animals." This was written in 1528: but "the example of the Middle Ages " is held up to-day by German leaders as the true fount of inspiration. April, igi$. A HUNDRED years ago Bismarck was born on April 1, the man who built with blood and iron, but now only the blood remains. Yet one may doubt whether even that strong and ruthless pilot would have commended the Mr. Punch 's History of the Great War submarine crew who sank the liner Falaba and laughed at the cries and struggles of drowning men and women. Sooner or later these crews are doomed to die the death of rats : But you, who sent them out to do this shame; From whom they take their orders and their pay; For you — avenging- wrath defers its claim, And Justice bides her day. The tide of "f rightfulness " rolls strong on land as on sea. The second battle of Ypres has begun and the enemy has resorted to the use of a new weapon — poison gas. He had already poisoned wells in South West Africa, but this is an uglier outcome of the harnessing of science to the Powers of Darkness. Italy grows restive in spite of the blandishments of Prince Biilow, and as the month closes we hear of the landing of the Allies in Gallipoli, just two months after the unsupported naval attempt to force the Dardanelles. British and Australian and New Zealand troops have achieved the impossible by incredible valour in face of murderous fire, and a foothold has been won at tremendous cost of heroic lives. Letters from the Western front continue cheerful, but it does not need much reading between the lines to realise the odds with which our officers and men have to contend, the endless discomfort and unending din. They are masters of a gallant art of metaphor which belittles the most appalling horrors of trench warfare ; masters, too, of the art of extracting humorous relief from the most trivial incidents. On the home front we have to contend with a dangerous ally of the enemy in Drink, and with the self-advertising politicians who do their bit by asking unnecessary questions. Sometimes, but rarely, they succeed in eliciting valuable in- formation, as in Mr. Lloyd George's statement on the situation at the front. We have now six times as many men in the field as formed the original Expeditionary Force, and in the few days fighting round Neuve Chapelle almost as much ammuni- tion was expended by our guns as in the whole of the two and three-quarter years of the Boer War. The Kaiser has been presented with another grandson, but it has not been broken to the poor little fellow who he is. It is 32 THE HAUNTED SHIP Ghost of the Old Pilot : " I wonder if he would drop me now /" D 33 Mr. PuncKs History of the Great War also reported that the Kaiser has bestowed an Iron Cross on a learned pig — one of a very numerous class. May, 1913. WE often think that we must have got to the end of German "frightfulness," only to have our illusions promptly shattered by some fresh and amazing explosion of calculated ferocity. Last month it was poison gas; now it is the sinking of the Lusitania. Yet Mr. Punch had read the omens some seven and a half years ago, when the records established by that liner had created a jealousy in Ger- many which the Kaiser and his agents have now ap- peased, but at what a cost ! The House of Commons is an odd place, unique in its char- acteristics. Looking round the benches when it reas- sembled on May 10th, and noting the tone and purport of the inquiries addressed to the First Lord, one might well suppose that nothing re- markable had happened since Parliament adjourned. The questions were numerous but all practical, and as unemo- tional as if they referred to outrages by a newly-dis- covered race of fiends in human shape peopling Mars or Saturn. The First Lord, equally undemonstrative, an- nounced that the Board of Trade have ordered an in- quiry into the circumstances ikt Mcn'tlikttU lUSlTANI/C! AN OMEN OF 1908 Reproduced from " Christmas Cards for Celebrities," in Mr. Punch's Almanack of that year. 34 HAMLET U.S.A. Scene : The Ramparts of the White House. President Wilson : " The time is out of joint, O cursed spite, That ever I was born to set it right ! " Voice of Roosevelt (off) : " That's so ! " 35 Mr. Punch 's History of the Great Ww attending the disaster. Pending the result, it would be pre- mature to discuss the matter. Here we have the sublimation of officialism and national phlegm. Of the 1,200 victims who went down in this unarmed passenger ship about 200 were Americans. What will America say or do? In silence you have looked on felon blows, On butcher's work of which the waste lands reek ! Now in God's name, from Whom your greatness flows, Sister, will you not speak? Many unofficial voices have been raised in horror, indigna- tion, and even in loud calls for intervention. The leaven works, but President Wilson, though not unmoved, gives little sign of abandoning his philosophic neutrality. In Europe it is otherwise. Italy has declared war on Austria ; her people have driven the Government to take the path of freedom and honour and break the shackles of Germanism in finance, commerce and politics. Italy has not declared war on Germany yet, but the fury of the German Press is unbounded, and for the moment Germany's overworked Professors of Hate have focused their energies on the new enemy, and its army of "vagabonds, convicts, ruffians and mandolin-players," conveniently forgetting that the spirit of Garibaldi is still an animating force, and that the King inherits the determination of his grandfather and namesake. On the Western front the enemy has been repulsed at Ypres. Lord Kitchener has asked for another 300,000 men, and speaks confidently of our soon being able to make good the shortage of ammunition. On the Eastern front the Grand Duke Nicholas has been forced to give ground; in Gallipoli slow progress is being made at heavy cost on land and sea. The Turk is a redoubtable trench fighter and sniper; the difficulties of the terrain are indescribable, yet our men continue the epic struggle with unabated heroism. King Constantine of Greece, improved in health, construes his neutrality in terms of ever increasing benevolence to his brother-in-law the Kaiser. At home the great event has been the formation of a Coalition Government — a two-handed sword, as we hope, to 36 r©ws