THE COMET A PLAY OF OUR TIMES EDfVARD DOYLE t.*j. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, COPYRIGHT OFFICE. No registration of title of this article as a preliminary to copyright protection has been found. Forwarded to I m^^ \ D\m\on.S-^.-.^c/^^-P-9 (1 iii, 1906—5,000.) rtes ^^3 8 67 Rnnk ,(D, »ig. 6(0 THE COMET THE COMET Jl ^IcLy of Otu^ Times EDWARD DOYLE BOSTON RICHARD G. BADGER The Gorham Press 1908 Copyright, 1908, by Edward Doyle All Rights Reserved to Copyright Of rice. THE GORHAM PRESS BOSTON, U. S. A. CHARACTERS Rector Hiram Wisdom: The President of Eu- reka College and an Astronomer who makes the comet his special study. Fred Fowler: A student expelled from Eureka College for other than the cause assigned. Frank Merrit: The victim of the hazing rite. Ed. Phelps: The leader of the revolting stu- dents, and afterwards, " Rev. Madison Wells." Jack Baldwin: The chum of Ed. Phelps. Hank Smith: A student who personates "Miss Amelia." John Henry Pighead: The author of the Resolutions " on account of which the Eureka Students wreak vengeance on the Liberal Club. Paul Gardner: A poet with unquenchable love for his Alma Mater and the father of Rebecca Lovehart. Mr. Bond: The pillar of the Liberal Club, who has assigned everything to his wife, and who expects to be appointed the American Ambassador at London. Rev. Mr. Jones: Rector Wisdom's Curate and handy man " spiritually. 6 THE COMET Jim Bowers: An Alderman. Mrs. Fowler Bond: The mother of the expelled student, a benefactress of Eureka College and a Social reformer who holds a mort- gage on the Liberal Club. Mrs. Haughtyhead: A friend of Mrs. Bond. Rebecca Lovehart : The reputed daughter of Mr. Pighead, and Fred Fowler's be- trothed. Dinah: Mr. Pighead's servant. The Watchmen and Students: Of Eureka College and the members and guests of the Liberal Club. The Comet ACT I SCENE I {The exterior of Eureka College by night. An owl-like hooting is heard coming from the win- dows which are dimly lighted. A watchman, sandy-whiskered, passes through the grounds, swinging a lantern. He staggers toward the stoop to get the coffee pot.) Voices Singing. To whit, to whoo! to whit, to whoo! We wise ones know a thing or two. If Wisdom had our owlish eyes At night-time, he would be more wise Than think all comets in the skies. To whit, to whoo! to whit, to whoo! We wise ones know a thing or two. Watchman, (drowsily). Don't they suppose a watchman wants to sleep ? If in a regular asylum, one Would know the howlers were straight- jacketed In padded cells, and comfortably rest; But, hang it, not a wink here! not a wink! {He lifts the coffee kettle to his mouth, but puts it down in disgust). They might have sent us down a bigger pot. 8 THE COMET {Two other watchmen, one brown-bearded, approach, making desperate attempts to walk steady and hold their lanterns.) Second Watchman. Is any of that College coffee left ? {They mumble to themselves and put down their lanterns. They stagger, and, endeavoring to help each other to stand, they tumble in a heap. They try to rise, but soon give up the struggle. Ed. Phelps appears with several students, all in masks.) Phelps. That coffee worked all right. Strip them and take Their places, fellows, and patrol the grounds. Eureka's discipline must be preserved. (They disrobe the Watchmen and don the re- galia. They remove the victims to the bushes and then patrol the grounds with exaggerated gravity. The College door is opened by Rev. Mr. 'Jones who descends the steps timidly. Phelps hides.) Mr. Jones, {m approval of his own judg- ment in selecting them). That is the kind of watchmen! It were worth The Rector's while to leave the telescope To look at them. The students will not dare {He IS rushed upon by the Watchmen who poke their lanterns in his face.) Watchmen! What do you mean? Watchman, {drawing back). Oh! It is you. Mr. Jones. Yes, it is I. The Rector sent me down To tell you, that in case of any trouble — THE COMET g First Watchman. Leave that to us. Second Watchman. You bet! ! First Watchman. If they attempt Their funny work with us — don't be around, Not even at a window! Mr. Jones. But I must. Second Watchman. Don't! Don't! Now, be advised. 'T is our first time In quelling a disturbance, and you know, We might be nervous, as militia men With Creedmore medals, like potato eyes, All over them, for target excellence, — And hit a head at which we do not aim. Mr. Jones, (horrified). But Watchmen! surely you do not intend To shed a drop of blood ? Watchmen. Not of our ov/n. Mr. Jones, (almost shrieking). You must not think of such a thing! 1 Watchman. Why no.t ? Mr. Jones. It would destroy the College for all time! And, as I recommended you as men Possessing judgment, it would ruin me. For I am held accountable for you. Second Watchman. What does the Rector want ? To have us stand For targets, and to ring a bellj when struck ? 10 THE COMET Mr. Jones. No, No. He simply wants you to arrest All the disturbers and imprison them Until the morning. Watchmen. All .? Mr. Jones. Yes, every one. Remember, Watchmen, that on no account Whatever, must the Rector be diverted A single instant from the telescope During the night. First Watchman. Say! Why does he not turn His telescope from the disorderly stars, Right down among his students ? Second Watchman. Good idea! He would not then have any need of us. Mr. Jones {gravely). Because the telescope is not constructed For such a purpose Second Watchman. Oh! Indeed! I thought That it was like a hose. Mr. Jones. No. Second Watchman. One can learn Great things at College. I am not here long. Mr. Jones. Now, Watchmen, bear in mind what I told you Early this evening. First Watchmen. Yes, — not to imbibe. THE COMET ii Mr. Jones. No. Second Watchman. Not to nap. Mr. Jones. No, No! To exercise Uncommon vigilance, so that no harm Shall come to Student Merritt. First Watchman. Oh, yes! Yes! You told us that before. Mr. Jones. Now, don't forget To watch his windows, and if you should see His light raised, or put out, haste to his room. Second Watchman. You bet! Mr. Jones. If you discover anyone. Arrest him on suspicion, but remember On no account disturb the President. Watchman. All right. Sir! Mr. Jones. Now, before I go, I want To caution you. The College youth is sly, Has all the cunning of the lunatic, It grieves me much to sav; so, if you catch Any of them, don't mind how much they plead, Or what they may pretend — Watchmen. Leave them to us. Mr. Jones. But Watchmen! Did not two of you have beards ? Second Watchman, {laughing). The surest thing you know! But we have plucked 12 THE COMET Our faces cleaner than a Christmas turkey, To see who could shave fastest — on a bet! Mr. Jones. You should have shaved before you came on duty. {Mr. Jones reascends the steps and enters the College.) First Watchman. Close shave. Second Watchman. You bet, but nov^ we own the grounds! Phelps, {reappearing) Attention! Take your orders for the night. Police the premises — give friendly tips To the law-breakers, and grant them pro- tection In every undertaking. Forward, march! — Hist! Order Second. Lift your lantern flare When moving round, so that the curious eye May see that you are faithful to your trust. First, circumspect " the wood-pile." For- ward! March! {They march about, swinging their lanterns. Enter six masked students who carry ladders, and, placing them against the building under Merritt's window, begin to ascend. The College door IS opened by Mr. Jones who comes down the steps timidly.^ Mr. Jones. Those were suspicious noises. Watchmen! Watchmen! Watchman, {approaching). Seize him! They grab Mr. Jones). THE COMET 13 Mr. Jones, {amazed). Watchmen! ! First Watchman. What brings you out .? Mr. Jones. I heard strange noises. Watchman. We heard nothing strange. Mr. Jones. Look! Look! What is that ladder doing there ? First Watchman. What ladder ? Mr. Jones. There, with the men on it. First Watchman. Where ? Mr. Jones. There! ! One, two, Three, four, five, six, — arrest them! First Watchman. Brother Cop, Do you see any " ladder ? " Or " six men : Second Watchman. A ladder! Where? I don't see even a rung. Mr. Jones. What! Don't you see them climbing up the building ? Second Watchman. No! First Watchman. {Pulling Mr. Jones). Come along! We can't climb buildings after The monkeys of your over-heated brain. Mr. Jones. What do you mean ? Second Watchman. Now, come along! You talk Just like a disappointed politician, They call an "out" — " Goo~goo" — "Mug- wump" — "reformer — " Gazabo who is always seeing ladders Set up against the public Mint at night, 14 THE COMET And every rival rascal on a rung. Your malady is ladder on the brain. Mr. Jones. But Watchman! Why do you lay hands on me ? Second Watchman. " Because we know the College youth is sly, Has all the cunning of a lunatic, It grieves us much to say." Mr. Jones. I am no youth, But Curate at the Rector's Little Church. Second Watchman. What brings you here .? Mr. Jones. My duty to the Rector. Second Watchman. Your duty! Humbug! Is it not enough To be the Rector's drudge in parish work ? Why do you also do his dirty work About the College, spying in and out ? Mr. Jones. I do no dirty work. Second Watchman. Then you are not The curate, Mr. Jones, but student, trying To trick us watchmen, but it will not work Mr. Jones. I am the curate, and besides, I have Heart trouble; kindly let me go. First Watchman. " Don't mind How much he pleads, or what he may pre- tend," Those are our orders. Mr. Jones. Come up to the Rector, And he will satisfy you who I am. Second Watchman. That settles it! you are not Curate Jones, THE COMET 15 For he instructed us most positively, On no account whatever, to disturb The Rector till the morning. Come along. {First and Second Watchmen force Mr. 'Jones into the College and shut the door after them. T he Third and Fourth Watchmen walk up and down the grounds, swinging their lanterns and oblivi- ous of what happens about them. Students appear at Merritt's window and descend the ladder with him blindfolded, gagged and with his arms bound by the belfry rope. Other students enter with an "infernal machine" and additional para- phernalia of the Eurekian hazing rite.) Phelps. Where is Fred Fowler .? Smith. Not yet back from town. Phelps. The shirk! Smith. Paul Gardner's guest to-night. Baldwin. Two dreamers! Smith. Fred's mother, I believe, is to endow Eureka with a Chair of Poetry, And Gardner sent for Fred to talk it over. — Hang me! Fred told me to keep mum on that. (Two huge rattlesnakes are seen and heard crawling along. Merritt is placed on the infernal engine and the Students gather around him.) Phelps. Attach the belfry rope around his legs As well as neck, so that the more he kicks, The louder will the tocsin tolj for help, — An object lesson, verily, of Justice Tempered with Mercy! Justice, for no man i6 THE COMET Is better than another at Eureka, Nor greater than the Law which we uphold, Like Honor, let the cost be what it may. Have you unsheathed your bowies ? Several Voices. Aye. Phelps. Whet them. {They whet their knives and Merritt trembles.) Now plunge them in the heart of man, or beast, That dares profane the precinct of our rite. {They move off grating their blades.) Rise, serpents! Ye that guard the chastity Of our procedure! Look this mortal through. {The Serpents rear and glare in Merritt' s face.) Now, lest there lurk an eye that ought not see, Glide through the grasses, soft as light through dew. {They drop and glide away.) Wouldst thou be worthy of Eureka } Nod. {Merritt nods affirmatively.) Students. {In ch@rus). Brother! {They ungag Merritt and remove the bandage from his eyes.) Phelps. Be philosophic, then, brave brother, Under all circumstances. On thy breast I pin a diamond, to typify Philosophy that, with unbroken smile," Meets each and all vicissitudes of life. {Puts it on his breast). Keep thou it ever on thy breast. Swear! THE COMET 17 Students, (in chorus). Swear! Merritt. (tremblingly.) I swear to keep it ever on my breast. Phelps. Here, at Eureka, we demean no man, But make him one of our Democracy Upon the pledging of his heart and soul To high ideals. We give thee this pin, With right to pluck it from thee, if thou cringe To a brute force throughout thy college life, And thereby make thy Alma Mater blush. Phelps. Our ritual, we begin with awe; heed well. The Diamond, immortal soul. Shines in the part, as in the whole; It glows with love of Truth and Scorn of guile. Impinge this precious stone to pieces. Its luminosity increases, And ground to dust, it shows its infinite smile. Baldwin. Hence, Neophite of old Eureka, If thou wouldst be a bold truth seeker, Ungear thy feet of haste and think awhile. The Greek Aurora, that is cast Upon our sky from the frozen Past, Glows with strange rites no sage thought infantile. Smith. Know that the path to glory lies Through swamps and woods 'neath hailing skies. i8 THE COMET And that all must advance in Indian File; And, Neophite, recall to mind That Fate blindfold's us from behind, Like Love, to turn us round and see us smile. All the Students, {solemnly) O Neophite! If word be spoken Touching this rite, regard our token The burning, serpent eye of doom most vile. The grass shall move as with the breeze And charm the birds from air and trees; Laocoon shall perish for his guile. Phelps. Stand here the whole night long, like Soc- rates, That all the stars may center on thy head, Their influence for good. Baldwin. Meanwhile, prepare For Death, O Brother! All the Students. Death! Phelps. For any moment May be the crack of doom. All the Students. For any moment May be the crack of doom. Phelps. Pass through it stout Of spirit, and, upon the other side, Look back immortal with contempt of pain. Baldwin and Smith. Look back immortal with contempt of pain. All the Students. Look back immortal with contempt of pain. THE COMET 19 {Phelps and hts comrades enter the College and many students at the windows, unseen, sing, crowing the first and fifth lines like an old rooster and the end of the fourth like a young one.) Ho — Ho! Ho — Ho — Ho — Ho! Ho — Ho! What secret do we roosters crow ? That amorous Morn doth slyly throw His arms around Night's neck. Ho — Ho! Ho — Ho! Ho— Ho— Ho — Ho! Ho Ho! Ho — Ho! Ho — Ho — Ho — Ho! Ho —Ho! What secret do we roosters crow ? That Night, although she cries, "No, no! " Melts in his arms. Ho — Ho! Ho — Ho! Ho — Ho! Ho — Ho — Ho — Ho! Ho— Ho! (After a silence of a few seconds, an explosion tilts the barrel an which Merritt stands, and he swings in the air.) {The bell tolls furiously and the college win- dows become dark.) {The Watchmen, awakened, crawl from under the bushes and stare bewildered.) 20 THE COMET SCENE 2 Exterior of the College in the morning. The students are in groups, some pensive and other gesticulating. The ladders are lying on the ground near the wreck of the infernal machine). Students, {humming). Oh, why — Oh, why — Oh, why, — Oh, why! We sophs as well as seniors cry, And all Eureka swells the note — Why pick out Fowler for the goat ? Why pick out Fowler, when no owl, or Even a rooster, but remote ? (Rev. Mr. Jones opens the College door and addresses the Students from the stoop). Mr. Jones, (gasping). The President directs me to advise The Students not to congregate out here; That any demonstration on their part. At the departure of the one expelled, Will be construed as proof most positive Of their complicity in his offence. Students, (varying in intonation). Bow — wow, bow-wow. Mr. Jones. The President, moreover. Directs me to admonish every student. Without exception, to repair to Chapel Immediately. None will be excused. Students. Bow-wow-wow-wow- Bow-wow — Bow-wow-wow-wow-wow ! (Mr. Jones re-enters the College, followed by several students, wliereupon the others hiss.) THE COMET 21 One Student, {turning around). Fellows! I disapprove of rioting. Phelps. A future Justice of the Peace! Three boos. Student. Hold on there, Phelps! If any one of you Cares to discuss this matter, like a man. Call "time!" Phelps. Two seconds — Rector Wisdom, one And Curate Jones the other. Students, {laughing). Good! Phelps. Three cheers For an Eurekian who can buck a crowd. And show the world that Bill, the goat, the mascot, Dear as the pennon to Eureka's Nine And as inseparable — Students. Aye! — Phelps. Does not Monopolize Eureka's moral courage! {They cheer and laugh as the Student retires.) Baldwin. It is an outrage to expel a man Without a trial. Is Fowler guilty ? Students, {thunderingly). No! Phelps. Fred was not here at all, yet he is doomed To vindicate the Rector's vigilance And Brutus sense of justice. O Ye Gods! No wonder that ye are invisible; Ye draw your faces from the world, to hide Your laughter at the deeds of little men. Who ape your virtues. 22 THE COMET Students. Good! Demonsthenes! {They cheer). Phelps. Why roam through history except to catch The spirit of the heroes of the Past, And, mounting, lead to battle for the Right ? A Magna Charta for Eurekians! Students. Aye, Aye! Phelps. Let us demand it! Students. Aye! Aye! Aye! {The students cheer and become more boister- ous on the appearance of Fred Fowler with a valise.) Students. A speech! A speech! Fowler, {mounting the wreck). My valedictory. Farewell, dear fellows! for my doom is sealed; The gibbet of expulsion is erected; The noose and weight adjusted, and the cap Of blackest distance will, ere long, be drawn Across my eyes from these, my fondest scenes. {The curate opens the door and passes through the grounds. Rector Wisdom appears, and there is a hush among the Students.) The Clergy, too, attend me to the Scaffold And fervently exhort me to confess, And be contrite, and give their pious eyes Some earnest of my better life hereafter. Rector Wisdom, {on the stoop). It ill becomes Eureka's President THE COMET 23 To argue with his Students, on a theme Affecting discipline; but I am pained Beyond endurance, by the gravity Of your rebellion. I repeat rebellion! I made it plain, I thought, in my remarks In chapel, that, if I could read our times. Their trend runs counter to our Country's aim. And that it rests with College men, above All others, to prevent our Country's boast From being made a by-word and a jest For all succeeding time. Students. Plain! Plain as day! Rector Wisdom. I made it plain, I thought, that it devolves Upon Eureka Students, most of all, To teach the wealthy, that they form a part Of our Republic, only in so far As they contribute to its character As Leader of the Nations unto Right, By noble thought and patriotic deed! {Applause) I made it plain, I thought, that it devolves On you, as true Eurekians, to translate Into the common speech of daily life, Your Country's loftiest ideals, writ By Freedom with your father's sacred blood; But I have been mistaken. Students. No! No! No! Wisdom, {appreciating the Students applause, but not showing his pleasure). I made it plain, I thought, that it devolves Upon the cultured classes in our land, 24 THE COMET To get the races by degrees together To talk their grievance over, in a voice As gentle as a v^^oman's; but what is it That you have done ? Have sundered them Students. No! No! Rector Wisdom. I say, have sundered them. You represent The cultured class, and therefore kill all hope. The future does look dark. What will be- come Of our fair Country, when the White and Black, A stranger to each other's just desires, Rise to the awful height of all rank growths ? There is no education in the world Like human contact for mankind's advance; All differences, then, adjust themselves; But when two races are estranged by hate, They grow so deaf to one another's rights, That it soon comes to pass that either has To use the trumpet of artillery In order to be heard at all. Are you With me in hindering that catastrophe ? Students. We are! We are! Fowler. But, Sir, I fail to find The application of your eloquence; We have been always of your mind on that. Have we not, fellows .? Students. Aye, aye — aye. Aye — aye! Rector Wisdom, {looking at his watch and indicating by his voice his indignation at the Students demonstration.) THE COMET 25 It lacks three minutes of the time for Chapel. Let each and every one be in his seat Before the tolling of the bell. Frank Merritt. {appearing with his arm in a sling). Good Rector. Rector Wisdom. Well ? Frank Merritt. I have doubts, Sir — I have serious doubts — That this young gentleman was one of them. I recollect, Sir, that about dusk-time When I was shutting down my windows, Sir, He was the one I saw a hurrying out, With both hands on his forehead, thus as though In sore distress. {Forgetting his sore arm, he lifts both hands to his forehead, hut abbreviates his illustration with a wince.) Rector Wisdom, {re-entering the College). The hospital, or home. Frank Merritt. {following Rector Wisdom). Don't send me home. Sir! Though I'd rather go Than have the wrong man — {The door closes.) Phelps. Fellows give three cheers For Merritt. He is worthy of Eureka. {They cheer and the bell begins to toll. Several nter the College.) Fowler. There goes my funeral knell, Phelps. 'T is mine as well. 26 THE COMET Baldwin. Mine too. Hank Smith. And mine. Fowler. One victim is enough. Why have a hecatomb ? Besides, my fate Points out a moral for Eureka men. The Merritt hazing was the only one I had no hand in during all the term; The innocent is sure to suffer. Students. Ha! Fowler. What does it matter ? I can summon up Philosophy that, with unbroken smile, Meets each and all vicissitudes of life. Phelps. Is Fowler guilty ? Students. No. Phelps. Shall he be made our scapegoat ? Students. No! Phelps. Is it Lynch Law, or not, To bring a great Eurekian's college life To an abrupt and ignominous end Without a trial ? Students. Lynch Law! Phelps. And is Lynch Law A whit more sacred in the Rector's hands. Than in the hands of the most brutish mob ? Students. No! not a bit! The same! Phelps. Come, tell him that! Fowler. No use, Phelps! He would answer like the mob. I go now, and alone. THE COMET 27 Phelps. Not on your life! What say you, gentlemen ? Shall we skulk back Like dastards, and let Fowler face alone The consequences of an act, not his ? Students. No! Phelps. Or, shall every man go out with him And let Eureka drift, keel up, down stream ? {They applaud) In other words, are we to "hang together, Or separately ?" Students. Hang together. Phelps. Come. (Phelps, Baldwin and other students lift Fowler on their shoulders, and, as they bear him about the grounds, all thunder out the College cry.) Eureka! Ha! Ha! Ha! Eurek! Ha! Ha! Eurek! Eurek! Eureka! Ha! Ha! Ha! {The tolling of the bell dies faintly.) 28 THE COMET ACT II SCENE I A parlor in a surburban hotel. About the room are scattered the signs of cobblers, butchers, grocers, fortune-tellers, doctors, sextons, mani- cures and seamstresses. The Students ceaselessly move about the room with the grace of fishes in a tank at the Aquarium.) Smith. He is all right! Baldwin. Who is all right ? Students, {in chorus.) Fred Fowler. {A pounding on the ceiling is heard.) Hank Smith. Say, who has pluck and grit and nerve enough To tell the ancient girl with hatchet face. Upon the floor above, not to crack nuts By jumping with both feet on them and missing, — That it disturbs our study ? Students. Aye — Aye — Aye! Fowler. Respect antiquity. Hank Smith. Antiquity! Students. Here! Phelps. Strike the gong. Things here are getting dull. Oh! for a cane-rush, or an expedition To the North Pole. Fowler. Or war worth fighting — one To teach all barbarous tribes throughout the globe, Christian or Turk, that all Humanity Is territory sheltered by our flag; THE COMET 29 That butchery must cease throughout the world; That, having ended human slavery, "Old Glory" has a mission from on high To stop the slaughter of the smiling babe. The pale, crazed mother, weak, defense- less sire, All places on the habitable globe; Whether where Morning, like an animal. After a run for life through desert dust. Approaches hot with thirst and snatches up The blood in long throatfuls; or where the snow Turns ghastly as it falls, and longs to melt. And earth itself, within its heart of hearts, Murmurs against high Heaven that, like the snow. It cannot also melt and be no more. {The Students applaud and the pounding on the ceiling is repeated. Fowler, smiling, points up as he quotes from Whittier.) "Who harms a hair of yon gray head — Students, {in chorus). "Dies like a dog. March on, he said." Smith. Demosthenes will now oblige. Student, {in chorus). He will. Phelps. What will it be ? Fowler. Give us Paul Gardner's latest. On Freedom. Phelps. "Freedom? 'T is intelligence Aloof from harm and hamper, grandly circling: 30 THE COMET Its native, sun-lit peaks, the highest hopes Heaved from the heart of man upon the earth, In ranges long as time and soul endure. I look aloft and harken. I can hear The echo of the eagle's youthful cry In the high heaven, but view the azure void Of his auroral, broadening spread of wing. Where is the bird of Morning ? Has the fog Of Demagogy barred his upward flight ? Is he, the phantom in its density. Pendant between two awful rocks — The one. The dooming of the millions yet to be. Because their race, a creeping infant, born Of Savagry and Thralldom yesteryear, Is far behind the Titan, strong with years And grown so nimble-footed with the arts That, since he burst from darkness, he has kept Abreast with Morning; and the other rock. The dooming of the Titan to fall back, Little by little, for the infant's growth To catch up to a marriageable age And sap him, then, of all his god-like strength. His brain of high ideals, and his heart, A very Sun in driving out the cold And darkness from all regions of the globe, So that, though long he ran abreast with Morn, He will be overtaken by the Night ? THE COMET 31 Soar, bird of Light! Oh, pierce the fog, but dash 'Gainst neither rock to reel back with crushed wing. Then flutter in the swamp, the bullfrogs' jest, And mount no more to mate admiring Morn, Who hails thee grandest of all forms, be- holden By him in boundless, constellated space." Baldwin. He is all right. Smith. Who is all right ? Students. (Shouting). Phelps — Gardner! Baldwin. Both are all right. Phelps. Hank Smith will now oblige. Smith. (Irmtattng Rector Wisdom's intonation and manner.) Young men! allow me to assure you, that while I am the President, Eureka College cannot be converted into an asylum for the dumb. I have asked you collectively and individually, for information as to the participants in the hazing last night, but not one of you will speak. Recognizing more fully than you, that expulsion from College means to most young men, the blasting of their lives, I admonish you most earnestly to answer truthfully the questions put to you, no matter whom the information may hurt. You may then continue your college career with the exalted consciousness that you are promoters of law and order, and to that extent, are worthy citizens of your Country. 32 THE COMET [T he Students applaud uproariously. A news- boy in the distance shouts ^' Extra,^^ whereupon Fowler hastens out, followed by Baldwin.) Fowler. An extra. Smith. What about an extra drink ? Phelps. Good! extra Irish whiskey, warranted To have no scorpion, lizard, toad, nor snake In its delirium tremens, boys, for mine. Smith. Mine, too. Fetch it for all of us. Exit. A Student. Mine, water. Smith. Bwoo! Even the thought of water gives me spasms. I took a look once with a microscope Into pure water — Bwoo! a little drop, And yet it held such monsters by the million Crawling and intertwisting — Bwoo! Bwoo! Bwoo! I have had hydrophobia ever since. — I say, hang dullness. Has no one brought gloves ? Student. No. Smith. What a strange, strange, social func- tion! Students. Ha! Smith. Come then, old man, bare knuckles. Student. I don't mind. Provided that we daub our fists with ink To keep a tally. Smith. Excellent idea! THE COMET 33 {They ink their knuckles and spar dexterously, each marking the other s brow, chin and both cheeks. Meanwhile, two other Students ap- proach.) A Student. Collar and elbow, come. Student. Two out of three. {They wrestle and are well matched. The wrestlers collide with the sparrers and are "flung against a bric-a-brac table that comes down with a crash. They stop their fooling.) Smith. Another item on our bill. — Time! Second sparrer. Time! {They continue the bout.) A Student. A snooze for me, but first a drink is coming. {Fred Fowler enters with a newspaper and all gather about him, frequently interrupting his reading with their laughter.) The Extra, Fellows! All about us! listen! Rector Wisdom's Fanaticism! Expels Champion Oarsman Fowler. Athletics Doomed at Eureka. The Students in Revolt. Curate Jones' Testimony. Eureka's President a Modern Jeptha. (Special to the World Enlightener.) Your correspondent called at Eureka College at two A.M. this morning. President Wisdom was up in the Observatory, but could not be induced to come down from his perch. He sent word by the curate, the Rev. Mr. Jones, that he had no statement to make further than that the new comet had a curled up tail, like a squirrel. 34 THE COMET Your correspondent explained that he was not the astronomer of your staff, but the sport- ing editor who had come for the full details of the recent hazing which, as it has resulted in the expulsion of Fred Fowler, the champion amateur oarsman of America and the peerless Captain of Eureka's lightning crew, was a matter of absorbing interest to college men throughout the civilized world. Would the President be so kind as to state whether or not the expulsion of young Fowler for such a triviality as his complicity in the hazing rite, was an announce- ment that the policy of Eureka's Faculty hereafter would be to do away with athletics altogether ? The Curate refused to take up the message and attempted to shut the door. Your cor- respondent put out his foot opportunely, and, pushing through the door ajar, got close enough to the Curate to see that he had a scald of freckles on his face and that the hue of his hair was sorrel. He had the sullen askance look of a mule with ears on the drop as a signal to his heels. The following conversation then took place: Reporter. Is it true that the Faculty in- stigated, or, at any rate, connived at the hazing of Frank Merritt in order to deter other colored youths from applying at Eureka College for matriculations, as charged in the Liberal Club Resolution, secured by the World Enlightener in advance of their adoption and published this morning in no other paper, except they have been stolen from the World Enlightener's^press. THE COMET 35 Curate. No sir. That is an unwarranted falsehood. Reporter. Was every precaution taken to prevent the hazing of the Colored Student ? Curate. Every possible precaution was taken. The President warned the young men in a most solemn and impressive way at Chapel. He told them that, if this young man was sub- jected to any indignity whatever, the one to whom the least circumstantial evidence would point as the culprit, would not merely be sus- pended, but expelled. Reporter. Could any instigation be more provocative to an outbreak, than such a threat to high-spirited young men ? Have the Faculty forgotten human nature that they once knew by heart ? Curate. The Faculty did all in their power to prevent the hazing of the young man. They employed additional watchmen to patrol the grounds under his window, and, as I recom- mended the watchmen, I felt it my duty to see that they did theirs. Reporter. Well! If you saw to it that the Watchmen did their duty, how did it happen that there was any hazing at all ? Curate. The Students made the watchmen drunk, changed clothes with them, and then arrested me. Reporter. Arrested you! Did they put you through the third degree ? Curate. They shut me up in a dark room. 36 THE COMET Reporter. Would the success of the Stu- dents not imply what is preposterous, namely, that they have more brains than the Faculty ? Now, my good man, is it not more reasonable to believe that the Faculty winked at the hazing, than that they were outwitted by their "knee- highs" mentally ? Curate. It is not more reasonable. Sir, for the Rector never winks, day or night. He loves the Colored people too much to wink at an in- dignity to one of them. Why, he once told me that, if he had a daughter, he would rather offi- ciate at her marriage to a colored youth of good education, than see her wedded by a bishop to one of the many young men of social distinction, whom he could name; for then, her happiness would be more assured. Reporter. Did he say that ? Curate. Yes, but you won't print that! Reporter. Why not ? It is the raciest thing that you have said. Curate. I entreat you, sir, don't print that! I have great trouble with my heart, and it would bring a spell on, if you put my name in the paper, saying what the Rector might not like! Your correspondent was deeply touched by the Curate's appeal, but, of course, his duty to the public is paramount. The dominant sentiment of a public man, no matter to whom, or under what circumstances, it is expressed, is news too important not to be made public property. That Eureka's Presi- dent could expel the peerless Captain of the THE COMET 37 College crew, just for a little fooling with a Negro, so as to make him feel at home, would be inexplicable, if not for the Curate's revela- tion of Rector Hiram Wisdom's fanaticism to the extent that he would sacrifice even his daughter. {The students laugh uproariously and Fowler muses aloud, pressing his head with hts hands). How can I put the Rector to the test ? I have a notion he is insincere. Students. Bowwow! Fowler. I mean just what I say. Of course, He had sincerity sometime or other, But lost it on the road, and, up to date. Has never missed it. Students. Wow! Fowler. The world believes He has it, so it lets him pass unsearched; But I shall challenge him some dayor other, As sure as fate, and make him show the goods. {Baldwin enters, holding with both hands a tray, piled up with glasses which the Students take. He has in hts mouth a card and grimaces to Fred Fowler.) Fowler. {Taking the card from Baldwin s mouth.) Paul Gardner wants a word with me down stairs. {Fowler goes out and Phelps appears with a demijohn and the students hold up their glasses.) 38 THE COMET Phelps. This is a Temperance town; pre- scriptions, please. {Some of the students show symptoms of cramps, while several drop in a faint. Many who get the liquor to revive the fallen, drink it themselves. When all have their glasses filled, they form a circle.) Phelps, {singing) To the triumph of our frolic. Students. Drink it down, drink it down. {They drink.) Phelps. Why should youth be melancholic ? Students. Drink it down, drink it down. Phelps. So, if pleasure whistles jigs, Let us sound the board, like Nigs. Students. Drink it down, drink it down, Drink it down. {They all drain their glasses and dance a few steps. They return to Phelps, holding up their glasses to be refilled.) Baldwin. Say, Temperance Town ? Phelps. No, town of honest thirst! {They mimic drunkards and Phelps refills all their glasses. They begin the song.) Phelps. Here's adieu to dear Eurek. Students. Drink it down, drink it down. {They drink.) Phelps. We take life up and drop Greek;^ Students. Drink it down, drink it down. — {They drink.) Phelps. For, by only such a swop. Can we ever get on top. THE COMET 39 Students. Drink it down, drink it down, drink it down. {They drain their glasses and then light their cigarettes.) Baldwin, {reading from a paper which he takes from his pocket.) They carried Fowler on their shoulders around the College, and in the Campus they crowned him with a wreath of immortelles. The expelled Student is the "class poet," and is ranked by the Eureka men as a genius, second only to Paul Gardner, whose verses form a part of their hazing ritual. Moreover, young Fow- ler is a martyr in their eyes, for it is said that his expulsion from the College is due less to his connection with the hazing of the colored student than to his authorship of a lampoon. Pandemonium reigned about the College all the afternoon. At nightfall, they started for the train, destroy- ing or carrying off with them every tradesman's sign on the way. The young ruffians are no doubt by this time in "a lock-up", and hard labor for six months might improve their man- ners, if not their morals, and teach them the decencies of life, that form so small a part of the College Curriculum. {They howl, feigning alarm.) Phelps. Lock-step, lock-step; rehearse for your reform. {They walk up and down a couple of times and then act out what Phelps suggests.) 40 THE COMET Now get you to your work. Stich, bow- legs, stich! You are far luckier here on bread and water, Than half your blearing brothers in sweat shops, Who draw their wages through the needle's eye. Now, fiddle with both arms, ye cobblers! So! Now, men knock off! Knock off! 't is overtime By half a minute. Count a half a minute Daily for every man throughout the land, And you will be amazed to find what hours, Days, weeks, nay years, you rob from honest toil! What! let starvation, like a school-girl, stare You out of countenance? Strike! Why strike now ? Because the very time that you ought not. Baldwin. It strikes me that we are a set of fools. Phelps. Yes, yes, but conscious fools; not like most men. {They become quiet on the entrance of Fred Fowler with Paul Gardner.) Fowler. I do not want my mother's proposition To weigh a straw on my behalf, remember. Gardner. But, my friend, it is the hidden weight THE COMET 41 On Justice's Scales that sends the hand around The Dial, in most cases in this world. Fowler. No matter. Gardner. Your lampoon was the hidden weight In the scales against you. Let me look at it. (^Fowler takes the paper from his valise and hands it to Gardner who, while glancing over it, comments.) Good! excellent! A sunrise of the Soul, That youthens this old world and melts its mists! No fault except its scorn of Wisdom's saw. That one must hold his peace on many things To prosper on this globe of cant and sham. {Hands the paper back.) Phelps. {Whispering). Present us. Fowler. Oh, beg pardon! Gentlemen, The epoch's glory and Eureka's pride, Mr. Paul Gardner. Gardner, {bowing). I am always glad To meet Eureka men, no matter where. Phelps. Now gentlemen, Eureka's grand salute. {They form a diamond around Gardner.) Eureka! Ha! Ha! Ha! Eurek. Ha! Ha! Eurek! Eurek! Eureka! Ha! Ha! Ha! Eurek! Eurek! Eureka! Ha! Ha! Ha! 42 THE COMET Gardner. Our Alma Mater has a claim for life On our affections. What exalts her fame Delights us; what takes from her glory, grieves. {He pauses and gazes about at the signs taken from the tradesmen.) Are these Eureka College's exhibits ? Ye hoodlums! Baldwin. Hear! Gardner. Caligulas that go To take an empire — Learning's — and bring home Lobsters and scallops! Friends, are these the signs Of culture worthy of Eureka men? In your assault on every Industry, What are you? Savages! Students. Hear! Gardner. You deserve No "Reservation Ground," but rope and limb. {The Students howl.) Still, it is not for others to apply Correctives; we can do that best, ourselves. Have you got brains ? Baldwin. Have we got brains? Oh, hear him! Gardner. Have you got pluck ? Baldwin. Have we got pluck ? Oh, hear him! THE COMET 43 Gardner. Have you got grit ? Students, {in chorus). Have vi^e got grit? Oh, hear him! Gardner. If you have brains and pluck and grit, why haze A guileless Freshman, when the world is full Of knowing, old offenders, whom to brand Would be a public service ? Students. Right you are! Gardner. The Liberal Club deserves your prompt regard. Fowler. My Step-sire is a pillar of that Club, And so is — outch! No part of this for me. Gardner. Just hear its Resolutions, passed to-night. {During the reading the Students manifest their feelings with groans and gestures, and Fowler steps aside, pressing his brow with his hands, every now and then.) Whereas, Eureka College, an Institution sup- posed to represent Northern culture — Students. No supposition about it! Gardner. Has recently become the scene of a barbarity that chills the blood in our veins; Whereas, a student was taken out at the dead of night and hanged by masked miscreants for no crime, except it be a crime to accept as true the inspired gospel of our Country's Constitution, Chapters Fourteenth, Fifteenth and Sixteenth; 44 THE COMET Whereas, the ruffians rang the College bell in exultation during the outrage, showing thereby that they had nothing to fear from the College authorities, though the deed was one to shock modern civilization; And, whereas, this gifted young man was branded a low coon — Students. {Laughing). La-oc-o-on! — Gardner. Thereby establishing beyond doubt that the perpetrators of the atrocity were actuated by racial prejudice, in defiance of the Most High who uttered his Commandment 'mid lightning and thunder on the Mount Sinai of Gettysburg; Fowler, {aside). That is Pop Pighead's lan- guage. Qh, the sham! — Gardner. Therefore, be it resolved, that we, the Mem- bers of the Liberal Club of New York City, representing the broadest moral ideas, attest our horror at the shocking deed aforesaid, and that we ascribe as the true cause of the outrage, the treason of example, if not of precept, taught those young desperadoes by the Eureka College authorities. Fowler, {aside). But Beck must be considered — that's the rub! There is no tide in all the world so hard To row against, as woman's stream of tears, And I have had no practice on that stream. Gardner. And be it further resolved — Baldwin. Enough! Enough! THE COMET 45 Phelps. On to the Liberal Club! Come, fel- lows, come. There are gross insults which Lynch law alone Can rightly handle. Any set of men Who so diliberately vilify Our Alma Mater, and traduce so vilely Eureka's President and Faculty, Should furnish all the world illumination By hanging from the nearest lamp-posts round. {They bustle in preparation to go.) Gardner. "Ungear your feet of haste and think awhile." Baldwin. On to that Club! Gardner. I have arranged a way To wreck the Liberal Club, dear friends, without Demolishing the building, like a mob. I had thirteen of you elected members. Students. Thirteen! Gardner. Why not thirteen ? Old Glory started With thirteen stars, and the world has yet to hear Of harm therefrom, excepting to her foes. I want you, gentlemen, to blacken up. Fowler. Count me in, fellows! I see fun ahead For the whole bunch and a romance for me. Students. Eureka! Ha! Ha! Ha! Eurek! Ha! Ha! Eurek! Eurek! Eureka! Ha! Ha! Ha! 46 THE COMET ACT III {Mr. Pighead' s Reception-room and office. In the rear there is a bower in course of formation. There are flower-pots on the table in the centre of the room, and in the far corner a piano. Along the right wall there is a large book-case with wooden doors, designed by Mr. Ptghead as a place to conceal a witness when he might want one to overhear testimony given to him in con- fidence.^ Becky. What fuss they make about mere hazing! Fools! What Student but would rather miss a prize For Greek, or French or Trigonometry, Than an initiation, though one has To lie beside a corpse! which, after all. Is only a panjama stuffed with ice. And headed by a pumpkin or a squash. What harm in that ? It cultivates the nerve. Are we Phi Beta Kappa's criminals } And are the Alpha Phis, Chi Mus, Tau Taus, The Alpha Chi Omegas, Chi chi chis. The Alpha Omicrons, the Delta Deltas, And Theta Gammas, fellow malefactors ? Well, I guess not! guess not! and yet all are Alike, fit only for Reformatories, According to Eureka's president, When he expels Fred Fowler for an act No worse than we have done, and would again. THE COMET 47 Oh, I just wish I had a chance to speak My mind to Rector Wisdom! What a name For him! He ought to have it changed to Lroose . He would disgrace poor Fred, as though expulsion From College could hurt him! For is ex- pulsion Not, after all, the seal with which the col- lege Distinguishes true genius ? It will link Fred Fowler's name with Shelley's and with Landor's And those of all the great misunderstood In every age. Yet how can I explain The code of college honor to my father, Who, in his heart, despises college men ? And who sent me these papers, cruelly marked ? I shall just tear them up. — Lies, lies, all lies! {She tears the papers and throws them aside.) 'T is strange Fred has not called, nor sent a note. He surely, surely could not have believed I meant the coolness, I exhibited At our last parting. I was most to blame; Still, when I said: "Now I shall test your love, — Give me the keeping of your College pin," Could true, true love refuse one anything ? Could true love make the firm refusal worse 48 THE COMET By adding: "If you truly love me" — If! — "Allow the diamond ever to remain Upon my breast, where it was placed to stay By Honor with inviolable vow ?" — What right had he to nettle me with "If," And press it down with such a heavy blow, As "truly"? as though I could love at all, And not love truly! Anyhow, he ought To have the sense to know that, if I parted From him in anger, it could only be That I might shortly, very shortly, taste The double, treble sweet of making up, Which is the richest luxury of love. Dinah. {Entering). A colored man wants to see Mr. Pighead. Becky. Tell him that Mr. Pighead is not home. Dinah. I did, but he's the sassiest nigger dat I ever laid dese eyes on. He tol' me to go and show my folks a good example by always telling nothin' but the tru'. I say to him den, "go down in de basement;" but he say, "how light a parlor match down dah ?" Becky. He must be crazy. Dinah, {jumping aside). Lor' Miss! Fowler, {entering). Is Mr. Pighead — Becky. He cannot be seen. Fowler. Beg pardon. If you step across the street, You can behold him — Becky. Why do you persist ? I told you that he cannot now be seen. THE COMET 49 Fowler. Could you not as a favor let him know That I am here ? Dinah. Yah! Yah! Becky, {sharply). Your name. Fowler. I am the Student who was taken out At dead of night and hanged by miscreants, Who rang the College bell with fiendish glee. Becky. Be seated — Dinah, go call Pa. {Extt Dinah, and Becky returns to the flowers.) Fowler. Fine day! Becky, (coolly). Yes. Fowler, (looks around and ts til at ease). What is it that I am sitting on ? (He picks up a book and reads the title.) " Disease, a sheer delusion." Don't it make Your head grow dizzy. Miss, to watch how fast The fashionable world is Eddying ? It makes my brain as kinky as my hair. Becky. Addressing me ? FowLer. Why, yes, — Dinah is gone. (He puts the book on the table and approaches Becky.) Miss, do you teach the Sunday-school for mutes ? Becky. No longer. — How do you know that I did? Fowler. A fortune-teller told me I would meet A lady of rare loveliness and grace 50 THE COMET This morning, who could teach me how to speak. Becky. Well, surely you are not much of a mute. Fowler. Oh, yes, I am in what affects me most. {In the sign language which in earlier days he used to practice with Becky, he explains that he IS in love.) Becky. Pshaw! They forgot to send some Immortelles. Fowler. I have some, but they are in my valise. Will you allow me to send them to you ? No charge! They are prepaid, Miss, by your smile. Miss, do you sell those flowers ? Becky. No. Fowler. Keep them all ? Becky. No. Fowler. Do you send them to the hospital ? Becky. No. Fowler. Alms-house ? (Re-enter Dinah who shares her glances be- tween the flowers and Fowler.) Becky. No. Fowler. The squalid tenements ? Becky, (sharply). I send them to "The Tombs," if you must know. Fowler. Have you some dear one buried there ? Becky. No. THE COMET 51 Fowler. No ? Becky. I think you awfully inquisitive. Fowler. My thirst for knowledge, Miss, is my ex- cuse. Do you give them to the keepers ? Becky. No. Fowler. Do those To whom you give the flowers, throw them away ? Becky. I do wish father would come down. Call Pa Again, Dinah — Yet — no — he would stay up The longer. Fowler. Call him, Dinah! Dinah. You smart nigger! Don't you dare "Dinah" me. Fowler, {bowing so graciously that Dinah is mollified.) Excuse me, Miss. Becky, (aside). Where have I seen those eyes ? I have seen them. Fowler. May I ask what becomes of these sweet flowers ? Becky. (Who becomes more and more attracted by his eyes.) They are to deck the cell of a wayward youth. One of my father's clients. Fowler. Wayward ? How ? Drunk and disorderly ? 52 THE COMET Becky. No. Fowler. Starving thief? Becky. No. Fowler. Give it up. Becky. He shot a wretched girl. Fowler, {repeating her apathetic tone.) "A wretched girl!" Poor thing! Who made her wretched .'' The wayward youth ? Becky. Suppose so. Fowler. Then no blossom Would ever deck his cell, were you my wife And did my bidding. Dinah. Yach! Yach! Yah! Becky, {with dignity). Call Pa. {Exit Dinah.) Fowler. My frankness shocks you. I am frank by nature As well as name, and that is why at College They called me fresh, and hung me up to cure. Becky, {studying his features and patching up the papers she has torn.) The picture in the paper does not bear The least resemblance to your countenance. Fowler. No, come to think, I don't see how it could. I had no tintype of myself, so that The artist had to make my cousin's do. {Dinah enters holding a pair of shoes.) Becky. Pa coming: ? THE COMET 53 Dinah. I told him; kut all he did Was to hand out his shoes and shut the door. Becky, {coloring up and in softened voice). Bring in a bootblack, Dinah, and tell him To call here every morning. Dinah. Lor' Miss Becky! You's good and gooder every day you live. Becky, {aside). A rare, rare chance to find out everything About poor Fred. — Too bad they were not truer In sketching you. Those eyes are small and lack expression. Fowler. That can be accounted for, I think, by the fact the artist had exhausted All his expression in my African pout. Yach! Yach! Becky. You take it in good part. Fowler. Why not. When it resembles my cousin more than me ? Becky. Do you know Mr. Frederick Fowler ? Fowler. Which ? The one that squints ? Becky. Oh, no! he does not squint! Fowler. May be you mean the poet ? Becky. Yes. Fowler. O yes! He is my room-mate. Becky, {dubiously). Yes ? Fowler They did him wrong. I told the Rector I had serious doubts That Fred was one of them. 54 THE COMET Becky. Oh, that was noble. Fowler. It was but just to him. Why Fred and I Could not be closer. I share all his secrets, And he shares mine. He is in love. Becky. Is he ? Fowler. He keeps me wake whole nights, until I set his amorous words to music, which I do on David's Harp, whenever and Wherever the inspiration seizes me. Becky. Indeed! Fowler. Oh! Oh! Becky, {alarmed). What! Are you ill ? Fowler. Oh, lest I lose The most entrancing air that comes to me — The music for the words of his last song — Pray, hold the copy — with the words this way. {She holds the copy and is about to read it, but obeys Fowler's directions. He plays the tune on the jewsharp, and Mr. Pighead enters in slippers and stands confounded at the sight of Rebecca, holding copy for the Colored composer.) Fowler, {gesticulating wildly to Pighead). Go back! go back! Pighead. What sir! Fowler. Go back! go back! I cannot brook an interruption. Pighead. You! Becky, {indignantly) — My father, Sir! Fowler. I don't care who he is, — Out sir, till I get through, — But it is gone, ^ Forever gone! It never does come back THE COMET SS With all the pristine glory without mar Of its original deliverance To mortal ears! PiGHEAD. {recovering his breath). What Sir! Fowler, {calmly). Why, inspiration! Well, what is it that I can do for you ? PiGHEAD. And who are you ? Fowler. Frank Merritt. PiGHEAD. Who ? Fowler. Frank Merritt, The Student who was strangled at Eureka By ruffians, led by one Fred Fowler. PiGHEAD. Hem! The very man I wanted. Please be seated. You have a splendid case against the college. Becky, {with flashing eyes). Did you not tell me, Sir, this very moment. That Mr. Fowler had been wronged ? Fowler. I, Miss ? Becky, {sharply). Yes, you, Sir\ Fowler. I forget. Maybe I did; For, come to think, I always tell a lady What I believe will please her, and besides, I contradict no lady to her face. PiGHEAD. {eagerly). Are you sure — Becky. What reliance can be placed — PiGHEAD. {muttering). No matter! He is my witness, — how im- peach him ? You women would make hodge podge of the law. Becky, {derisively). Strangled! I don't think he was hurt a bit. 56 THE COMET PiGHEAD. Young man, have you a bruise to show in proof? Fowler. No sir. Becky. I knew it. PiGHEAD. {surprised). None ? Fowler, {whispering). No, none to show Before a lady. PiGHEAD. Beck, go fix the flowers. I want to see how you can beautify The dungeon of the most unfortunate Of all the clients I have ever had. Becky. Why not then, send them to the Tombs at once ? PiGHEAD. I have my reasons, Beck! I have my reasons. Becky. Only a needless, double trouble. Pa! {She goes to the table and lets some of the flowers drop on the floor.) PiGHEAD. The flowers have not offended. Becky. There's no room For half the pots. {She opens the door of the book-case to put some of the flower-pots out of the way.) PiGHEAD. {shutting the door with a snap). Do kindly keep this shut. Becky. 'T is only in the way. Pa, anyhow! PiGHEAD. I am not asking. Beck, for your opinion. Fowler. I'm sorry to have riled the lady, Sir. Becky. How can you tolerate this person's presence ? THE COMET 57 Fowler, {to Pighead). No harm, sir, for the blacker that she looks The more does she remind me of my love. Becky. Well, the idea! Pa, did you ever — Pighead. {nervously pointing for her to go to the piano). Hush! — {Becky goes to the piano and attempts to play Fredas new song). Pighead. Are you quite sure that Frederick Fowler was one Of the assaulting party ? Fowler. Sure as that My name is Merritt and that I was hazed. Pighead. I have no doubt of it. Fowler. Sir, w^hen I read Your Resolutions, it occurred to me That you might kindly help me in a matter Most serious to me. Pighead. What may it be ? Fowler. I am in love — Pighead. Quite natural at your age. — Fowler. With a white lady. Pighead. Oh! Fowler. Why, do you think My scorched complexion, Sir, a barrier ? Pighead. Does she consent ? Fowler. Yes, with a jumping heart And face all radiant. Pighead. Has she a father ? Fowler. A gruff old devil! Though I would not want 58 THE COMET Him hear me say so. All he could trump up Against me was my color. PiGHEAD. Prejudice. Is he well off? Fowler. You'd think so, from his airs. — What would you do ^. PiGHEAD. If in your place ? Fowler. No, Sir; If in his place. PiGHEAD. Oh, I should not have given The color of your skin a thought at all. Fowler. No ? PiGHEAD. No, Sir! I should have considered first. Your character, and then, your family; Then search the deeds of your collateral For the securing of her happiness. Fowler. Oh, Mr. Pighead! would he had your sense! Becky, (rising). Pa, what is that you said ? PiGHEAD. {waving her back). Hush, please, go play. Is she yet fourteen years of age ? Fowler. Oh, yes! PiGHEAD. Be sure about her age. Fowler. Well, how be sure About a woman's age ? The only way To get at it, they say, is to allow A year for every inch around her waist. Which is the reason that prim prudes are coy. PiGHEAD. Tut! — Is she fourteen yet? THE COMET 59 Fowler. She's just eighteen. PiGHEAD. Then she can marry, if in her right mind. Fowler. Are women, when in love, in their right mind ? PiGHEAD. It is their only lucid interval. Becky. What, Pa ? PiGHEAD. Nothing, my dear. Fowler. Now you are sure The old man cannot drag her from my arms To a retreat, or Europe, on that ground ? PiGHEAD. Yes, for the Law respects the husband's right Before the father's. Fowler. But if he succeeds In getting her, — PiGHEAD. Come then to me, and I Shall with a writ of Habeas Corpus, Sir, Produce her body to the Court. Fowler. Her body ? What! Think her father will have mur- dered her ? PiGHEAD. No, no! "Her body" is the legal term. The Court will hand her over to her hus- band. Just as her father should have done at first. Fowler. Who ought we get to marry us, sir ? PiGHEAD. {impatiently). Oh! An alderman can tie the knot, young man, So fast that all the mules throughout the states, 6o THE COMET Though they should pull together, could not break it. Here is my card, give it to Alderman Bowers. Fowler. Where can I find him ? PiGHEAD. At the City Hall, Or in the office, back of his saloon. Fowler. Oh, how I thank you, Sir! PiGHEAD. "But thank you," Sir, Young man, does not pay office rent. Fowler, {thoughtfully). That's so. PiGHEAD. If you wish me to be in readiness, In case of an emergency, my charge Will be one hundred. Fowler. For the job complete .? PiGHEAD. No, no; that's to hold me in readi- ness. Fowler. Well, if you clear me — PiGHEAD. Tut! I never take Contingent cases. Fowler. Will ten dollars down Do, and the rest in checks, sir, dated ahead ? PiGHEAD. No check from any college student for me! For forgery seems the most successful branch Taught at our Colleges. Fowler. Why so ferocious ? The College may produce the skillful forger And lawyer; but is she not sorry for it ? Her cheek burns crimson, seeing how they chum Together in the cell, when one is caught; For either always helps the other out. THE COMET 6i PiGHEAD. More knave than fool. Fowler. I cannot hear you slander My Alma Mater, and remain a mute. Besides you cast reflection, as were I Not black enough. You would not were I white. PiGHEAD. Tut! Tut! young man! Do not misunder- stand me. I think you have a strong, strong damage case Against Eureka College. Fowler, {eagerly). Have I ? PiGHEAD. Yes. Fowler. I never would have guessed it. PiGHEAD. Certainly not! The trouble is that clients, seldom knowing That they are hurt beyond the scratch that heals, Forget the wound to all their finer feelings Within a month or so, and drop the case. Except they have already paid a fee. And want to get at least their money back. I want the cash in order to insure Your presence when I need it, to establish Howyou were almost murdered at Eureka, — Becky. I do not think that he was hurt a bit. — PiGHEAD. Because you happened to be dark of skin. Fowler. I will be there sir, with my wounds kept fresh. I have ten dollars. 62 THE COMET PiGHEAD. {not pretending to notice the whis- pered remark italicized, but smiling gratified at such a good witness). That will do at present Though I would not accept so small a sum Upon my word of honor, were you white. Fowler. Sure, you will not go back on me ? {Hands him the money.) PiGHEAD. I, Sir ? Do you suppose I would betray my client ? Fowler. A little piece of paper, a receipt. PiGHEAD. {sitting down at the desk with signs of irritation). An excellent trait, young man, to get re- ceipts. {Hands it to Fowler.) FoWLER. {reading). Received from Frank Merritt ten dollars on account for professional services. John Henry Pighead. {He folds up the receipt and puts it in his pocket and then looks up awe-struck at the hook- case.) Great Library! But why, Sir, has it shutters Instead of windows, like a beer-saloon On Sunday ? Pighead. Oh! two reasons! One to save My rarest books from plunder by my friends. Under the false pretense of borrowing them, And secondly, just not to gratify, The too inquisitive. THE COMET 63 Fowler. That's one on me. Guess I shall have to foot it to Eureka; For I have only just one nickel left. PiGHEAD. There is no healthier exercise than walking. When I v^as a young man, why, I thought nothing Of forty miles through woods, and over fences, To a town meeting, or Fall term of school. Fowler. Good day. PiGHEAD. Good day, my friend, and may success And joy attend you. Fowler. Au revoir, young lady. Becky. Well, what impertinence! PiGHEAD. Blame yourself For your familiarity with him! Becky. Pa! PiGHEAD. I could not believc my eyes, Rebecca, On entering this room. Becky. I know not why I did his bidding. I am puzzled still. {aside). If there is such a thing as an evil eye, He has it, for his glances trouble me. PiGHEAD. {after walking up and down). Rebecca! — But no matter, never mind. {She takes a few steps toward him.) {Then returns to the flowers. He walks up and down muttering. The basement bell rings.) What if she knew the truth ? What if she knew 64 THE COMET I am her guardian only by the grace Of acid and of ink ? She must, must know; Else, how can I move further in my plan ? Yet, what if she, indignant, should demand A full accounting for these fifteen years ? {He stands and gazes up at the ceiling). {Dinah enters with a bill in her hand and also looks up at the ceiling. Becoming conscious of Dinah's presence, he turns, and taking the bill glances at it, and puts it in his pocket. Dinah retires.) Hem! Who the devil can keep up the chase With running bills and live ? Let them run on — Shall I, or shall I not out with the truth ? {He pauses, after which he tosses a dollar in the air and catches it.) Head, yes; tail, no. 't is no. Now the Planchette. — {He takes the instrument from a chair and sets It on the table.) Shall I, or shall I not, out with the truth ? Speak, mystical intelligence! Hem, The Planchette and toss-up are the same. Becky. Speaking, Pa ? PiGHEAD. No, no! Thinking! only thinking! Rebecca! I desire a word with you. Becky. All right, Pa. PiGHEAD. Sit beside me. Becky. Got good news ? THE COMET 65 PiGHEAD. I have done you a grievous, foolish wrong, In not acquainting you with all my aims, And seeking not your counsel. Becky, {laughing). Pa, what counsel Could I with no experience, give you Who know the World and all its wicked ways ? PiGHEAD. Beck, you have intuition, which is better. Becky. Better! PiGHEAD. A woman's intuition meets With less reversals in the Higher Court Of this strange, inexplicable existence. Than man's experience. Becky, {laughing). Pa, mean to say That woman's intuition can compete With tossing up a dollar in the air. Or the Planchette .? PiGHEAD. Stop bantering, Rebecca! I am in earnest. Becky, {still laughing). So am I! Now an- swer. PiGHEAD. Why, certainly, when woman is in love — The lucid interval, in which she sees Through a stone wall as clearly as through glass. I know not how she does it, but she does! {Becky goes to the table and, lifting a book, tries to see Mr. Pighead through it.) Becky. Here is a stone wall, Mother Eddy's book, — 66 THE COMET I can't see through it ! ! Therefore, say, Pa - pa, Am I without a "lucid interval?" PiGHEAD. Beck ! You make me giddy with new life. Come, stand beneath the bower! — 'Tis but a whim. Becky. You want to see how I would look a bride! This is the proper pose. PiGHEAD. Oh, you can see Through a stone wall as clearly as through glass, Rebecca! Oh, Rebecca! {Caresses her.) Becky, {withdrawing from him.) Father ! Father ! 1 do believe that you have drunk some wine! You know your promise. PiGHEAD. {confused). Beck! Becky. You act as strangely As on the morning after I came home On graduating, and twice since. Why, Pa, Had I a lover who would hug so hard, I should take him for nothing but a bear And give him to a show-man. PiGHEAD. That was play! But I have done with play, Rebecca! Done! And never shall henceforward, waste a smile. The word I want with you. Beck, is about The Club's affair to-morrow night. You know, THE COMET 67 The programme has been changed, that we may have A banquet and invite our lady friends To grace it with their presence. Becky. In the boxes To gape down at the gentlemen agorging, Like poor street Arabs, flat-nosed at the windows ? PiGHEAD. No! You must come. Becky, {laughing). Pa, what have I to wear ? PiGHEAD. Oh, anything! Becky. The notice is too short. Who changed the programme ] I am sure his wife, Or daughter, had it done that they might take A mean advantage of the rest of us. PiGHEAD. Oh, Bond, of course! Becky. Oh! PiGHEAD. Who else could have done it ? He tires me, wants to make the Liberal Club Which, really, is the creature of my brain And hard incessant work, a stepping stone For him to London, as Ambassador; But it shall be a stepping-stone for me. As well as him, or else, for neither one. There's soon a vacancy caused by the death Of the Chief Justice; I deserve the place; For what have I got out of politics So far, excepting, once, a nomination 68 THE COMET For Congress, when there was no chance to win ? That's how they pay the workers who are fools. Oh, I know politics from A to Z! Becky. Did you not always know ? PiGHEAD. Yes, but I made No use of what I knew, but mean, hence- forth, To leave no stone unturned to gain my point. Becky. How I shall pray and pray, — PiGHEAD. {checking her). "Pray? simpleton! Becky. What, Pa ? PiGHEAD. {smiling sardonically). A messenger with Grace from Heaven Could never find the gate to politics. Becky. Why not .? PiGHEAD. Because that gate moves on its hinges In the infernal regions, deep and dark. Where it stirs up such foulness, only those. Inured till dead of sense, can stand the stench. How I loathe politics! Becky. Pa, why not quit? PiGHEAD. When one is in, one never can get out. Becky. No ? PiGHEAD. Save by getting office, then despising The devil, on whose shoulders one has climbed. And taking care that he will never rise. THE COMET 69 Oh, I know politics! I shall henceforth Do as the rest do — leave no trick untried, Have no opinions, or change them with a smile! Then whenupon the Bench in Washington, My one and only thought shall be, Rebecca, To make you happy. Becky, {kisses him). It has always been Your one and only thought, dear Father! PiGHEAD. Yes, But then, my whole ambition, dearest one, Will be for your advancement socially, In keeping with our station. With your wit, Beauty and sprightliness — {pauses). Becky. Oh, say it out! That I can catch a Duke and then come home As red-eyed as a ferret, and with tears Enough to fill a cistern! PiGHEAD. No, but one That I am sure will make you happy, Beck. No struggler for the wherewith to exist, But rather, Beck, a man who has amassed A fortune, and who has achieved renown. Becky. Oh, as for that. Pa, I should much prefer To share my husband's struggles, and help him To make his fortune and achieve his fame. PiGHEAD. Yes, and be thrust aside, when they are made. Beck, I know life! 70 THE COMET Becky. But, Pa, what has all this To do with Fred ? Has he in his own right — PiGHEAD. Oh, he has nothing, if I must divulge What I should keep a secret. If you doubt What I am telling you, you know the use I put this case to, when I want a witness To hear what is told me in confidence. Just stow yourself in there when I am drawing The will up with his father. Becky. Pa! would you Have me to do so vile a thing as that .? Pighead. It would convince you that I tell the truth, When I say, "he has nothing." Becky, {passionately). He has me. Whatever else he has not, and I know That, having him, I have all I desire. Pighead. A school-girl's fancy that, like chewing- gum. You must discard, now that you have grown up! Becky. No fancy. Father! Fred and I have talked Over and over how, when free to use His fortune, he could do the greatest good; But, that he must begin by being just To the last dollar, though he be obliged Thereafter to depend on his own brain And muscle — THE COMET 71 PiGHEAD. What! — Becky. For oh! to use his words — How noble! Oh how noble! — "He a man, Would feel ashamed to meet the rising sun, Except with life as open, as that orb's. To all the world, and with, at least, some light And warmth for those in darkness and in cold. My soul is all a tremble with delight At thought of him. PiGHEAD. Great Scott ! Insanity Is catching. I must end it, once for all. (cooly). I never blunder, sizing up a fool, Rebecca, and I told him so to-day. When he had the bare-faced afFrontery To call on me and say: "Not guilty, Pop!" Blind justice grabbed me for somebody else, And was too stubborn, then, to let me go." Becky. He told the truth, you can depend on that. PiGHEAD. I have forbidden him to cross this threshold, Rebecca, or communicate with you. Because he has disgraced himself forever By his atrocious conduct at Eureka. Becky {catching breath). You have ? PiGHEAD. I have. Becky. You have .? — Pa, I have not. My heart, soul, life, are not Eureka College, 72 THE COMET That Fred can ever be expelled from them! {Mr. Pighead gazes at Becky for a few seconds, then at the ceiling, and without a word, walks out, making up for his lack of verbal expression by a slam of the door.) THE COMET 73 ACT IV [The rooms of the Liberal Club, decorated with American "flags and with the portraits of Wash- ington, Lincoln, Fred. Douglas and other states- men. Many guests are seated while others stand in groups. Mrs. Bond with her meek husband at her side is the centre of a bevy of ladies, and turns graciously toward Paul Gardner. Mrs. Bond. Good evening, Mr. Gardner. Gardner. Oh, good evening! Mrs. Bond. You heard about my boy ? Gardner. Yes. Mrs. Bond, {in a low voice). Do you think They will expel him ? Gardner. Hardly think they will. Mrs. Bond. When will I know ? My head aches with this worry. Gardner. I am arranging now for his return. Mrs. Bond. How good of you! Oh! this brings such relief! There never was a gentler boy than Fred. He was just like a girl. Mr. Bond. He has improved Greatly at College, Dear, by all accounts. Mrs. Bond. Oh! You could never see the good in him. You never could! Mr. Bond. No, Dear, I never could. Maybe my sight is bad, but "maybe — er" — Mrs. Bond. Hush. Gardner, {whispering). 74 "THE COMET Pardon me, dear Madam, just a moment. When may I call to have a final talk About your great endowment to Eureka ? Mrs. Bond. Oh! let me see. Just let me see! These days I rarely have a moment to myself. These social duties make a drudge of one. Gardner, {after a pause). It is important to the College world. Mrs. Bond. I shall send word to you by Mr. Bond, My first spare morning. — Ladies,*have you heard About my collie having got first prize .? {Gardner smiles and goes among his friends). Several Ladies. Yes! Yes! Mrs. Bond. The papers had his picture. Mr. Bond. Yes! In one of them, his picture was life size, And got ten times more space than Mrs. Bond's. Not one of them, however, did him justice. The artist should have drawn him with a rope. Mrs. Bond. Bond, you just hush. Mrs. Haughtyhead. What do the papers mean By calling you Diana, Mrs. Bond ? Mrs. Bond. Ha! Ha! Did you read that? — Because, dear ladies, I hunted down and slew the horrid stag! THE COMET 75 {Mrs. Haughtyhead follows every word and movement of Mrs. Bond with a sweet smile and an approving nod of the head). A Lady. I never heard of it. Another. Nor I. Another. Nor I. Mrs. Bond. Your husbands would not tell you, certainly. The men are still as death on that, and leave The telling of the story all to me. Mr. Bond. I do not think it will on that account, Lose much in circulation. Mrs. Bond. Hold your tongue And take the punishment that you deserve. {The ladies laugh) About a month ago, I wanted Bond To take me to the Opera to see — I now forget whom. Mr. Bond. Worth, my dear! — Mrs. Bond. But he Had an engagement he could not postpone. He said so, with his eyes cast on the rug, As had the tigress moved her eye, or tail, And his voice was just weak enough to turn State's evidence against him. The Ladies, {glancing at Mr. Bond). Te-he-he! Mrs. Haughtyhead. What then, dear? Mrs. Bond. Off he went. I felt a fit Of crying coming on, but put it off 76 THE COMET And donn'd my seal-skin. Gip began to whine Most piteously, as he always does When things uncommon are about to happen. I took my darling up and followed Bond. My instinct led me to the Club, and there The Negro at the door, said: "Mr. Bond? He is upstairs; but, Madam, wait! wait! wait!! wait!!! Let me go up and tell him you are here!' "No, no," said I, "just let me go for him." {The ladies laugh). I came in here, sat there. I heard a buzz About me, and a member, with his hand Over his mouth, hiss to the vocalist Something I could not catch. It sounded to me Like "Cheese it! Cheese it." Instantly the singer Became confused, grinned like an idiot, And stammered out that he forgot the words. At this the Members roared so horrid loud, Dear Ladies, that my ear-rings fairly shook. "Go on! Go on!" they shouted, and the voice Loudest of all, was whose, do you suppose ? My husband's. Gip knew it and made a spring From out my arms; but came back with a yelp. THE COMET 77 And has not tapped the floor since with his tail At Bond's approach. Has he, my Dear ? The Ladies. Te-He! Mrs. Bond. Raising my voice, I said: "why not go on V O Ladies! You should then have heard the hush — Yes, heard the hush! — I walked up toward the stage, But looking right and left, could see no face! All turned their backs on me. Ah, well they might! Bond, trying to elude me, sprang behind A green partition which, that moment, fell, Disclosing what, dear ladies, horrified Me speechless! ! Mr. Bond. Wonderous feat! Mrs. Bond. Oh, more than feet! What I saw then, I cannot tell aloud. But, just to punish him, shall whisper it. {She whispers to the ladies and they look amazed). Mr. Bond. Is whispering in company good manners ? {The ladies grin). Mrs. Haughtyhead. What did you then do ? Mrs. Bond. Simply said, "Bond, home." On all important business after this, Remember, / go, too. Ladies. Te-he! Te-he! 78 THE COMET Mrs. Bond. How sheepish he did look — acknowledge it. Mr. Bond. Finish the story. Leave out no detail. Repeat the curtain lecture. Ladies. Te-he-he! Mrs. Bond. A curtain lecture then of course. Mr. Bond, {sighing). Of course! Ladies. Te-he! Mrs. Bond. Imagine my amazement, Ladies, When, by mere accident, I heard, next day, The Club intended to repeat the stag! Mr. Bond. Dear, there you are mistaken. Mrs. Bond. I am never Mistaken, Bond, in what I know. Have I To hold my hand up every day, to know This ring is on my finger? I guess not!! I caught you, and that is enough for me. Mr. Bond. Dear, free me and give me another chance. Mrs. Bond. Stop talking silly. — What was I to do ? To rouse the women for a midnight raid Upon the Liberal Club .? No. Mr. Bond. What a loss That was to the comic papers! Mrs. Bond. Hold your tongue. You brazen thing! Ladies. What did you do .? Mrs. Bond. Had Bond To call a special meeting to invite The members' wives and daughters. THE COMET 79 Mr. Bond. More than that! I have the Resolution in my pocket. {Takes it out). P.S. in pencil. Mrs. Bond. Say right out " 't is mine." Mr. Bond. No need — 'T is a towncrier of that fact. "Resolved moreover that our lady friends Be given the freedom of the house, w^ith keys To enter, day or night, and that no door Whatever shall be barred from their in- spection. Ladies, {imitating men faintly). Hurrah! Hurrah! Mrs. Haughtyhead. How^ did you get the members Together for the meeting ? Mrs. Bond. That was easy. Bond owns this Club — Mr. Bond. Dear! Mrs. Bond. Bond, you told me so. Did you not say that nearly all the mem- bers' Are in arrears for dues, and that their names Are posted on the walls ? Mr. Bond. Now, that will do. Mrs. Bond, {pushing aside the bunting). Why here they are, just as you said! They hang Like mirrors. Oh, no, not like mirrors, either. 8o THE COMET For then the members surely would draw near To see if they could not improve their looks. Mr. Bond. They would, dear, were they women. Mrs. Bond. Bond, you fool! I have a mind to teach those dozen parrots, I took a fancy to the other day, No other words than these: "Bond is a fool!" And hang the cages out of our front win- dows. Mr. Bond. You will spoil all, my lady! Mrs. Bond. Bond, how dense! Don't you suppose my mentioning the matter In company will have far more effect Than posting up their names upon the wall, Where they are never seen ? Be practical. {Fred Fowler, disguised as a colored dandy, enters with Miss Amelia, white of feature and stylishly attired. They occasion much nudging and looking around on the part of the guests.) Fowler. Have we disturbed the flock .'' They look cross-eyed At us, like geese, and follow, when we move. {Mrs. Haughtyhead passes Amelia with evi- dence of disdain). Amelia. That woman caught her skirts up passing me! Fowler. What would you have her do, dear \ Let them drop ? THE COMET 8i This is no surf. Be sisterly enough To let her have a buckle, or a belt, — Hers must have broken. Amelia. Me give her a belt, Or buckle, or a pin ? Not though I had A gross of them. Did you not notice how She shut her eyes at me ? Fowler. A woman never Hides any beauty, even for a second ; 'T is only her defects she closes up. If the old lady, dear, had eyes like you, I doubt if she would ever shut the lids. Amelia. Inquire for Mr. Pighead, He has manners. Fowler, {to Mr. Bond, who takes no notice of him) Have you the honor. Sir, of an acquaintance With Mr. Pighead ? Say, Sir, how dis- tinguish The gentlemen in this promiscuousness ? Mrs. Bond. Conduct us. Bond. We will in- spect the house. Mrs. Haughtyhead. I thought the people were to be select. Mr. Bond, {to Mrs. Bond). Dear, the Liberian Embassador. That's some of Pighead's work. {Goes out with Mrs. Bond and friends). Fowler, {addressing Pighead). Are you acquainted With Mr. Pighead ? Pighead. {passing on). I should think I am. 82 THE COMET Fowler, {to Alderman Bowers). Excuse me, sir, Do you know Mr. Pighead ? Alderman Bowers, {laughing). Why, don't he know himself? That's one on Pig. Fowler. What does he look like ? Bowers, {confidentially). Like the devil washed For Sunday. Fowler. Is he barefaced ? Bowers. No, black-jawed; But say! If you are trying to catch him With a subpoena, you are in hard luck, For he is birdy, like a millionaire. Fowler. I am a gentleman. Bowers. Say! Say! Come off! Fowler. A colored gentleman. Bowers. Oh, yes! Yes, yes! And say, if you should move to Africa, That's just north of Hell's Kitchen, don't forget Jim Bowers, the Alderman, Election Day. 'T is worth a five, and bring your friends along. Fowler. Say, Alderman, a word in confidence. {They step aside). The twinkle in your eye is full assurance To me, that you enjoy a little joke. Bowers. I do, if I am not the butt. Fowler. Look here, I am a Student at Eureka College, And I have corked my face to have some fun With "Resolution Piehead." THE COMET 83 Bowers. {choking with laughter) Go it! Go it! My money is upon your nag, my boy! {Fowler and Amelia move on, gazing about and making inquiries right and left. At length, Pighead is pointed out as he draws near to Gardner). Pighead. Why were you so thin-skinned at our last meeting About those Resolutions ? Gardner. Why, because Eureka is my Alma Mater, Sir, And I felt hurt at what dishonored her. Pighead. Felt hurt!! What are you giving me ? Gardner. Something Beyond your comprehension. {moves away). Pighead. Ho! Indeed! Amelia. Which one ? which one ? Several, {pointing at Pighead). There! Amelia. Oh, the first kiss, mine! {She attempts to kiss Pighead who draws away confused). Pighead. What do you mean, young woman, by this boldness ? Amelia. 'T is every woman's^privilege — Pighead. What is ? Amelia. To kiss a hero. Pighead. I am not a hero That you can make a fool of me. 84 THE COMET Amelia. You are, Having the courage, Sir, of your convictions. Tour Resolutions were no hollow cant! PiGHEAD. True, very true. Amelia. A kiss, then! {Fowler holds Ptghead's arms and Amelia kisses him several times.) Fowler. Fall in line. Young ladies! Kiss the hero of the hour Before the coo-coo sings. PiGHEAD. Let go of me. Fowler. There is no relish like a woman's kiss, To give a man an appetite for life. PiGHEAD. {aside). I had the feeling that those Resolutions Would make me famous. Amelia. {Presenting an album and a fountain pen). Now your autograph. Next to John Brown, whose "Soul goes marching on." {He writes his name). Alderman Bowers. {Reaching over his neigh- bors^ shoulder and filliping Pighead's ear). If for the Widow — Amelia. Sir, I am no widow. Bowers. Or for the orphan, put me down for ten. Amelia. *T is not subscriptions, but the autographs Of celebrated men that I collect. THE COMET 85 Bowers. Beg pardon. Might have known that when my friend Put down his name for anything. Hey, Pig? Fowler, {to Pighead about to start). Wait, wait, Sir! won't you give the bride away Pighead. What! Fowler. Or act as best man .'' Amelia. Do, kindly do! Pighead. {aside). Best man .? Well, I guess not! {starts off). Fowler. Can you omit The best man, Dear, from you trousseau ? Amelia, {reluctantly). Oh, y-e-s! Fowler. But, Dear, the ring! Did I give you the ring ? Amelia. You placed it in the pocket next your heart. Fowler, {after fumbling). It is not there!! Better announce the loss. {He stands on a chair). Ladies and gentlemen, my ring is gone. It has a green cat's eye, that in the dark Shines vv^ith so fierce a brilliance, my be- trothed, With it upon her finger, might repose Within a rat-pit on a cake of cheese. Without alarm. I chose the green cat's eye That it might charm the song-birds to our bower. And let no mouse come out, to terrify 86 THE COMET The elephant of our connubial bliss. The gentleman or lady who returns The ring to its right owner, will receive My heartfelt thanks, and have no ques- tions asked. PiGHEAD. {returning). What do you mean ? Down! Down! I say come down! Fowler. Have you the ring ? PiGHEAD. Do you know where you are ? Fowler. In good society — among reformers Of other folks — where kleptomaniacs Are natural as colored chicken thieves Down where I came from. I feel quite at home. Bar every door and let nobody out Until the ring is found! Amelia. Why, there it is! Fowler. Where ? Amelia. On your finger. Fowler. I apologize. Ladies and gentlemen, aye, from my heart. It goes to show that it is wiser oft, In fashionable life, to search one's self Than cry, "stop thief!" Now for the busi- ness which Has brought us here. I thank you, one and all, Ladies and gentlemen, for having come To see us married. PiGHEAD. What! Gardner, {to Pighead). Your friend is daft. {The guests whispering to each other become uproarious in their laughter.) THE COMET 87 PiGHEAD. Help me to take him out. Gardner. No, humor him. Think of the ladies. Fowler. Why do you folks laugh ? Is matrimony, friends, a laughing matter ? It is the greatest of united states, A world power that the civilized respect. {louder laughter). Why were we asked to come here ? I repeat. Why were we asked to come ? To be made fools of? 'Pighead. {eagerly). Friend, who asked you to come ? Fowler. This invitation. {Takes a note out of his pocket and reads) "Dear Mr. Beelzebub: — "Learning that you are to wed an estimable white lady. The Liberal Club extends its cor- dial congratulations and would feel honored if you would accept the use of its Reception-room to-morrow evening for the ceremony. It as- sures you that there will be a large assemblage of well wishers present." PiGHEAD. Whose name is signed to that ? Fowler. John Henry Pighead's. PiGHEAD. An outrage! Fowler, {to Pighead). Call the Clergyman. PiGHEAD. {furiously). None here! Fowler. You are mistaken. Sir, for you should know This is a trial marriage. 88 THE COMET PiGHEAD. {screaming). I don't care! Fowler. A trial marriage and no Parsons here! PiGHEAD. No. Fowler. Then the Seer. PiGHEAD. What! Fowler. Form a circle, friends. (Some of the guests form a circle). The Swedish sage, to whom it was first given To see the good in Trial Marriages, And who has never yet failed to appear At any seance from Oshosh to Gotham, Will tie our love according to the spirit That is without a knot. Now be so kind As darken up the room. {He turns off a gas jet.) PiGHEAD. Here! Here! hands off! Fowler. Why not make the conditions favorable ? Are you so ignorant as not to know That spirits are owl-eyed, and therefore see Best in the darkness f PiGHEAD. {to Alderman Bowers). Go for the police. Alderman Bowers. Not me, old man! The cops are all used up With watching gambling houses and saloons, Arresting honest women by mistake. And perjuring themselves to dodge the fine. Gardner, {to Pighead). Be careful now! How call in the police To throw out an invited guest, and colored ? THE COMET 89 Alderman Bowers, {laughing). No use, I tell you! They are so fagged out, They cannot lift a foot to trip a thief Upon the highway, nor a hand to reach The coin collector, monkeying at night Up to the second story of your house. — Pig, let me manage him. PiGHEAD. What! — Try. Alderman Bowers. Look here. Young coon, are you stuck on yourself too much To let an Alderman hitch up the team ? Fowler, {to Amelia). An Alderman! A city father, dear. Whose hand is always out to help the poor, The sick and old, and who, on frosty nights, Is a Salvation Army in himself In getting shoes, hot coffee and a bed For every shivering creature. White or Black!! Amelia. The picture of ben-evolence! Alderman Bowers. No, Bowers. Coon, hit me with a vote, but no bouquets. Want me to do the deed ? Amelia. Yes. Alderman Bowers. Ready? Fowler and Amelia. Yes. PiGHEAD. No! As the Chairman of the House Com- mittee, Sir, I forbid it! Bowers. {To Fowler and Amelia). Come out on the stoop. 90 THE COMET PiGHEAD. There I forbid it, too! Alderman Bowers, {winking to Fowler). Do you play poker ? Fowler. Do I eat possum ? Alderman Bowers. Follow me down stairs, Where any member has the right to bring A friend or two, to have a quiet game. PiGHEAD. {stepping before Alderman Bowers). No, no! no where upon the premises!! Alderman Bowers. My dues are paid! I stand upon my rights. PiGHEAD. The good name of the Club. — Amelia, {pulling Fowler vigorously). Come, darling, come, — Alderman Bowers. You bet I will dead-head it after this. — Amelia. Else, every parson will be fast asleep. And, if aroused, turn over in his bed, Thinking our knock his wife's or Curate's snore. {Pighead goes out furiously, stopping here and there to answer with wild gesticulations the ques- tions of the astonished guests. Fowler, taking Amelia's arm starts off, but, after a few steps stops and stands absorbed.) Amelia. Come, why delay ? Fowler. I have a scruple. Amelia, {affecting surprise). Scruple!! Fowler. Yes. All the Beelzebubs inherit it From Bill, the first infected. Amelia, {coaxing). I've no scruple. THE COMET 91 Fowler. Sure ? Amelia. I should say so. Fowler. That is just the reason That I have. When a bride is over eager, A man should instantly apply the brakes. Amelia. How strange you talk! What has come over you ? What ails you ? Speak! Fowler. I gave my love for you A long, fair trial, but the verdict, read Only this moment to my consciousness. Favors another. Amelia. Belz! Can't you appeal ? Fowler. No. An appeal from judgment costs like hell. Amelia. Oh, monster! Fowler. Let us settle amicably Our differences. Could you be the brides- maid, Amelia ? Amelia. What!!! Fowler. 'T is only one remove, And is a step aside from every risk. Amelia. You villian! Fowler. Come, my girl, be reasonable. I mean to be quite generous. In fact, Nothing would please me more than have you come Along with us upon our honey-moon. Provided that you give me back my letters. 92 THE COMET Amelia, {ironically). Those shaded red and full of crimson blots, Because, when writing them, Love dipt your pen Into the inkhorn of your bleeding heart ? Fowler. The same, dear girl! the same. Amelia, {aside) Well, next to Love, The sweetest thing to woman is revenge! — Belz! Belz! Belz! I shall return your notes, And be brides-maid. Fowler. Will you ? Amelia. I will! I will! If you take me upon your honeymoon Which will, of course, be to Niagara. 1 want to see those Falls, because I know, Though mighty and appalling, they are still Less awful than a woman's tearful heart Tumbling without cessation, night or day, Summer or winter, from the heights of Love. Fowler. Come, come, all that is past. Amelia. Where is the bride ? Fowler. I thought that I would surely meet her here. Amelia. Who is she, that I never knew till now Of her existence ? Fowler. Becky — Amelia. Oh, that thing. Who does not know enough — to be on hand At her own wedding! THE COMET 93 Fowler. {Beckoning to Alderman Bowers). Alderman! The fun Is just beginning. I am to elope With Pighead's daughter, and have him engaged Already to defend the husband's rights Against the father's. Here is his receipt, And also card which he gave me for you. {Hands them to Bowers). Alderman Bowers. What! Jimminy! Say, Coon, give me this paper To hang it with my license over the bar. Fowler. Will you perform the rite ? Alderman Bowers. Will I! Will I! I have been waiting for this chance for years! With me upon the platform, he once called The Honorable Board of Aldermen, Of which I am a member, and no better Than any of the rest, a set of boodlers!! I swore then that I would get square some day. Fowler. Will you be in your office in an hour ? Alderman Bowers. Will I ? Will I ? You bet, and open wine! {Fowler exit with Miss Amelia.) Alderman Bowers. Willi? Oh, will I? You bet your last dollar. {Putting the card and receipt in his pocket, he cannot control his laughter which becomes con- tagious among the guests.) 94 THE COMET Oh, throw a pail of water over me, Somebody! Nothing short will quench this fit. "Call out the Fire Department! "Call Three Sixes!" Order another million feet of hose That will not "bust," and play the whole North River Upon this conflagration of a fit. Before it spreads and burns the town to ashes! A Guest. What are you laughing at ? Bowers. That all of you Should laugh like me, without one knowing why! {He makes his way out, stumbling against several guests in his convulsion of laughter.) {The guests hush on the entrance of Baldwin and other students, black in complexion and gaudy in attire. The Students sing, and as Pighead returning, gesticulates to them to desist, Baldwin apes a Musical Director in his face. The Stu- dents imitate the act of drinking.) Baldwin. Here's to woman, without who', man — Students. Drink it down, drink it down. Baldwin. Might an ape be, but no true man. Students. Drink it down, drink it down. Baldwin. She gives him his social trim. Thereby making a man of him. Students. Drink it down, drink it down, drink it down. THE COMET 95 Phelps. {Entering and lifting his hands in horror). Brethren! You shock me! I must leave. — Goodnight. {Baldwin and the other students gather around htm.) No! No! No use of talking. I came here On the condition that you would help me To push along the cause of Temperance By turning down your glasses at the feast, On the approach of Satan in the guise Of a meek waiter, with his face smeared over With smiles in expectation of a tip; But you no sooner get a whifF of wine From breaths of people, welcoming your coming, Than you start up a drinking song, forsooth! Baldwin. The song is praise of woman and not wine. Phelps. Oh! Woman! Then repeat it. You can't praise Woman enough to please the Ministry; For what would Churches be without her presence .? Mere empty barracks where the devils' imps Would howl to hear the echo of their laugh. {Several white ladies, students in disguise, who have been sitting among the guests, approach the singers and greet them cordially to the utter amazement of the bystanders). PiGHEAD. Who hired this Glee Club ? 96 THE COMET Gardner, (coolly). They are our new members. PiGHEAD. What!! (stands dazed). Gardner. How you smile! That smile will spoil their dreams, Like a dark lantern in a burglar's hand. Mr. Bond, (reappearing with Mrs. Bond). What is the matter ? Pighead. (pointing). These are our new members!! Phelps. I thank you for the introduction, Sir, And promise that we all will do our part To make the Club swell — in its member- ship. (Pighead and Bond stand dumfounded.) Baldwin. Be seated. Over here there are some seats. (They go in a bunch.) Phelps. Now, not apart, as though you thought yourselves Superior beings. Mrs. Bond, (in horror). Bond!! Phelps. Be neighborly! Thaw out society, which, at afPairs Of this description, is too oft a chill That freezes men and women statuesque In niches, here and there; when, just as well. It might be music and inspire a dance. (They sit among the white folks who arise in indignation.) THE COMET 97 Mr. Bond. I know, my dear, but, if undiplomatic In this small thing — remember! Mrs. Bond. Oh, remember! I have been hearing this till I am tired. I hate to have a hand clapped on my mouth, Whenever I desire to say a word. Bond, put them out! Mr. Bond. But dear, that might embarrass The President! These people now have freedom — Mrs. Bond. Have you not told me. Bond, a thousand times. Their freedom is but bullion in the mint, Meant only for inflation in the South ? Mr. Bond. No matter what I told you. If I anger The Cabinet — what then? For nothing gives The President the sense of sweet relief, Like an excuse for not appointing one To any office that the many seek. Mrs. Bond. "Many!" What many? Mean to tell me. Bond, That after you have given — Mr. Bond. Shu! Mrs. Bond. Forty thousand For the election of the President! — The regular price for London — these your words, 98 THE COMET That there are "many?" Any one but you? Mr. Bond. Don't mention that! Mrs. Bond.. But I shall mention that! Mr. Bond. Dear, if the women hear of it, one's chance Grows less and less, for then the wife must run The gauntlet with her husband for the prize. Mrs. Bond. John Henry Bond! do you doubt I possess The dignity and social tact required To represent America abroad ? Mr. Bond. No dear, if you would grace it with your silence, And now rehearse the grace. Mrs. Bond. What, Bond, have me Rehearse before these people ? Are you mad ? Not for the millions you assigned to me Upon the night you thought that you might fail. Will I put up another day, or hour. With your extravagance in politics! Mr. Bond. Dear, folks are listening. Mrs. Bond. Let them listen, Bond! When Gip, the dear, I paid a thousand for, Took sick one night with colic, would you go To get a specialist ? What if his fee Were fifty dollars ? Or, five hundred dol- lars ? THE COMET 99 And when I changed his jewelled collaret For one more decent — one that might match mine — You moped about provokingly all day; But you pay forty thousand dollars, Bond, For something you may never, never see. Bond, {whispering). Dear, what about your Chair of Poetry ? Mrs. Bond, {sharply). Well, what about it ? Bond. Will you ever set Your eyes upon it ? Mrs. Bond. You just wait! just wait! {aside). I wonder will the world think me a fool, Because I choose to play the simpleton To break a promise, made without a thought. Bond. What did you say, my dear ? Mrs. Bond. Oh, catch a woman So foolish as not get her money's worth, Or pay before hand, or not get a contract! Bond. Dear, kindly say no more. Mrs. Bond. I will say more — That you. Bond, shall not sign another check For this vile Club, this Stag abomination. This Club that has become the rendezvous Of Negroes and white women, lost to shame! Bond, {aside in despair). This is no human tongue, but devil's tail Lashing in fury! She has swallowed him. Poor devil! He has my commiseration. 100 THE COMET Mrs. Bond. You have advanced too much already, sir! Without a tittle of security. Mr. Bond. Why, dear, I have a mortgage on the Club. Mrs. Bond. You have } When did you get it .? Mr. Bond. Why last year. Mrs. Bond. Is it recorded ? Mr. Bond. Yes. Mrs. Bond. Is it among The papers that you have assigned to me ? Mr. Bond. Why, certainly. Mrs. Bond. Then, Bond, it is foreclosed. And I demand possession instantly. Mr. Bond. But, dear — Mrs. Bond. Bond, home! That is the only place You can "dear" me. You blockhead, dunderpate! If these men want a Club, let them support it! Let them pay dues, or find some other fool. Mr. Bond, {aside). Oh, fool of fools to have assigned my all! Mrs. Bond. Out, everybody! I must have the key. The smelling bottle. Oh, the smelling bottle. Oh, why, Bond, did you ever bring me here ? {Mrs. Bond falls semi-conscious on the floor, and the guests gather around.) THE COMET loi Bond. Back, please! Air, air! some air! Mrs. Haughtyhead. {pushing through the crowd.) O Mr. Bond, Is your dear lady dead ? Bond, {muttering.) She's not that kind. Mrs. Haughtyhead. Her lips are moving. What, dear, would you say ? Mrs. Bond, {faintly). Always — put sugar — in — the milk — for Gip: Have me — cremated. Mr. Bond, {fumbling in his pocket and mum- bling) Sure! You did as much For me — in life. Take this, it will re- vive you. Mrs. Bond, {resisting). No! No! Mr. Bond, {muttering while holding her nose and admtnistering a powder). The driver knows his mule. Mrs. Bond, {faintly). Oh! Oh! Mr. Bond, {muttering). Her foxy nature after every chase That slie gives me, resorts to such a feint; But, this time, it will be the real thing, At least for a few hours. I have to breathe. Mrs. Haughtyhead. {bending over Mrs. Bond). Her lips are moving. — What, dear, would you say ? Mrs. Bond. Tell the cremator — to cut off — my hair — 102 THE COMET And have — it made — a royal — fairy — robe — With train — for Gip — in time — for next year's — Show. {Mrs. Bond closes her eyes and the guests re- peat her last request.) Mrs. Haughtyhead. Poor lady! She has breathed her last. Mr. Bond, {grimly). Oh, no! She is a feline family — in lives. {whispering to Pighead.) Now is the chance I have been waiting for. I shall be at your house in half an hour. Mrs. Haughtyhead. {ogling Mr. Bond). I must say that some men have wonderous patience. All evening, you have had my sympathy. Mr. Bond, {with sarcasm). Wait, Madam! Mrs. Bond is not yet cold. {He carries Mrs. Bond out with the aid of the guests.) Pighead. {rising on a chair). Ladies and gentlemen, let me explain. Some thirteen names were recently proposed For membership. The member who pro- posed them. Did not inform us they are colored men. Gardner, {pleasantly). Sir, by what by-law was I so required ? Pighead. The banquet is postponed, since, though they see They are not wanted, they do not withdraw. THE COMET 103 Like gentlemen, but stay to raise disturb- ance. {Hastens out in Mr. Bond's direction). Gardner, {to the guests dispersing). Ladies and gentlemen! don't be alarmed! There is no fire upon the premises, But just a little smoke, blown through the windows From old Eureka College, set ablaze With indignation at the Liberal Club For Resolutions that were hollow cant. Phelps, {leading). Having now avenged Eureka — Students. Drink it down, drink it down. Phelps. Let us go and fill the beaker. Students. Drink it down, drink it down. Phelps. Any man who does not double For lost drinks, will get in trouble. Students. Drink it down, drink it down, drink it down. Phelps. He is all right! Several Students. Who is all right ? Students, {in chorus). Paul Gardner! Phelps. "The Epoch's glory and Eureka's pride" Will now oblige. Students. He will! he will! he will! Gardner. A word, then. Gentlemen, you have done well, Not only that you have avenged with spirit Your Alma Mater, but that you, in driving The Public Mind to pasture, have not led 104 "fHE COMET Where poison ivy might become its cud. The moral of your merriment to-night Is that it is a foolish, futile thing To try to shape Society by codes, Vetoed by Nature. Nature trumpets forth No edict through the instinct of a race, Proclaiming certain territory hers And warning all encroaching Powers there- from, Without the ordering out of her reserves To see to it, the edict is enforced. Let politics keep off forbidden shores. The larger purport of your play, dear friends, Is to awake the White Intelligence, The god-like genius that, on having brought This Western World from out the chaos dark Of waters and of woody wilderness, And shaped it into hills of hope for Man, Must providence its beautiful Creation With altruistic love and tenderness; So that all tribes of men, what e'er the hue, Have each a hill, where it can touch the Star That it has followed with its mental growth. {The students applaud). We are due at Eureka, Gentlemen. {They fall over each other to get in line and follow Gardner, and, as they make their way through the curious guests who have lingered, or come back, they utter the College cry.) Eureka! Ha! Ha! Ha! Eurek! Ha! Ha! Eurek! Eurek! Eureka! Ha! Ha! Ha! THE COMET 105 ACT V . {Mr. Pighead's Reception-room and office, as in the third Act. The gas-light is dim, and Becky IS in a chair in a reverie.) Becky. Perhaps — Maybe — More likely — Prob- ably — Still, possibly — Oh, making nothing but A pin and needle cushion of my heart! Dear Fred! I shall take refuge in your song. {She kisses the copy, sits down at the piano and rehearses the air.) Dinah, {entering robed for departure). Miss Becky, I'se goin'. Good Lor' knows I'se sorry. Becky. Wait till the morning, Dinah. By that time, father will have forgotten all about the shoes, if you only get the boy to have them shined. Dinah. I'se afraid to stay. Miss Becky! I'se afraid! Every night dare is strange noises in your father's room. Becky. Nonsense! Dinah. Maybe! but still I'se goin'. But, first — {She raises the gas-light to a full blaze and hurries out of the room.) Becky. The creature is demented! Dinah, {returns with a long handled duster.) io6 THE COMET No spider is goin' to have de laugh on me, And say, I'se here, but Dinah, she am gone! {After dusting the ceiling.) I'se a clean woman, Miss Becky, but your father, he stan' here an' look up dar! Becky. Oh! that is when he is thinking. Dinah. Maybe, but I don't want Mr. Pighead tinking cob-webs whar dey ought not be. Becky. Has father paid you for this month ? Dinah. No, Miss Becky. He say come round next week, just like he say to de man what brought de flowers. I'll be here furst. Becky. Wait till the morning and I will get you your money. Dinah. O Lor' knows you is good. Miss Becky! and if you ever get married, send for me, no matter how old I'se grown or crooked with de rhumatiz; for I'se right smart in handling little ones. I'll save you doctor's bills, for I has Mammy's sure cure for de measles and de mumps. Becky, (laughing). O certainly, Dinah! If I ever am so foolish! Dinah. Zackly what I say to-night, dough I put round de clock to haste de time for meetin' Sam. I will be back den. Becky. Must you go out to-night, Dinah ? Dinah. Sure, Miss Becky! I could not stay in THE COMET 107 to-night for all de worl' for Sam is goin' to have de ring for me. It has a pearl stone in it dat prevents de misery; else, to tell the tru' I'd stay right home to-night, cause I put de salt 'sted of de sugar in my tea. Becky. If you must go, return early. (Exit Dinah and Becky plays and sings.) WHEN LOVE LAY DEAD BETWEEN US Oh, Love, whose wild delight was To take our hands and soar To regions where no night was, But only morn' before, — One day grew pale of features, At something idly said. And best of all God's creatures Lay there between us, dead. We could not turn our faces From Love upon the bier; Love there with all his graces. Except one word to cheer! I bent and kissed him madly; You kissed him, too, and then, Up, up, he rose and gladly Snatched us to Heaven again. {Fowler disguised as a colored gentleman enters unperceived by Becky and repeats the last two lines in a different key). Fowler. There should not be a discord in a love song. Becky, (who has risen from the piano in amazement). Well, sir! io8 THE COMET Fowler, Yes, very well indeed, except A heartache, now and then; but what ails you that you are not this evening at the banquet ? Becky. Are not you, sir, in the wrong house? Fowler. Guess not. Now, don't let me disturb your exercises. Do you admire the music of the future? Becky. What is your business, sir ? Fowler. My business. Miss ? Ask rather for my father's. Would it be In proper form for me, a well bred youth, To have an occupation ? When our Sires Have piled "the dust" up, should we, too, be moles ? If I should ask you, what your business is, Would you not take offense ? And justly so; And is a gentleman less sensitive ? Oh! when will men have equal rights with women ? Becky. {Arousing from the spell of his glance). Please leave the house. Fowler. Be patient. Is not patience As charming in a woman, as a dimple In which her beauty vainly tries to hide ? Becky. Vacate this house, or I shall summon help. Fowler. You shock me, positively shock me. Miss! THE COMET 109 I should as soon have thought a girl would let Her garter snap, and trail the ground with meal, As let her temper loose. Becky. The door! the door! Fowler. I know, Miss, where it is — I found it open. Lady, how can you so soon forget Your Vassar Valedictory ? Did you Not call out for the day — and oh! so sweetly That it must needs be deaf not to respond! — When there will be but one class in the land. And that the cultured; when fair graduates Of Vassar will feel holy exultation In being chosen by black bachelors Of Yale, Eureka, Harvard, or Cornell, To lead with them the march to Human Oneness ? 1 heard you, Lady! I was at the door, One of the ushers. You fired me with love For culture that, thereby, I might some day Ask you to lead with me that glorious march. Your father, I am sure, will not object. — Becky, {amused). Why not go see him ? Fowler. Left him at the Club Where he informed me, you felt indisposed. no THE COMET Becky. Told you ? Fowler. Yes, — adding that you were at home. Becky. What! Why have you come here ? Fowler. A social call. Becky. On me ? Fowler. Yes. How could you, a lady, call On jne, a bachelor ? That would start gossip. Becky. Out! Out! Fowler, {kneeling). O angel of my life! hear me. Becky, {in distress). Oh! call some other time. Fowler. Thanks for that hope. Let not your soul run, like a timid mouse, Back to the hole, but play awhile, respon- sive To the low music of my throbbing heart. May I not take your hand ? Becky, {shrinking from him). Help! Father! help! Fowler. Would he were here to help me plead my cause! Becky. Help! Help! Fowler. Be calm. Beck! It is I, Fred. Becky. What! Fowler, {singing in his natural voice). Were Fate to change my face. Love, And blight my fortune, too. Would you your steps retrace, Love, Or would you still be true ? THE COMET iii Becky, {aside). His eyes. Fowler. Beck, am I still in the dark to you t Becky. You dreadful fellow! I shall never, never Forgive you. Fowler. Yes, you will. Becky. I never shall. My heart is in my mouth. Fowler, {attempting to kiss her). And so is mine. Becky, {drawing away). How dare you ? Fowler. Why, Beck, that our hearts might touch. Becky. Do you forget, Fred Fowler, how we parted ? Fowler. No, come to think; but, still, it was in- spiring. Wrote "Love Lay Dead Between Us" on the train. How do you like it ? Becky. Quite imaginative, If you think I make up so easily. Fowler. You have no need to make up. Becky. Keep your jokes. This fright to-night, Fred, I will not con- done. {Turns away.) Fowler, {following her). Love and forgiveness are a woman's eyes; She cannot ope the one and shut the other, Then stand before the mirror of her heart 112 THE COMET Without a laugh, or shudder. You just try; I dare you! Smile, Beck! smile! You do not now Recall my Love the blacker that you look. Becky. Bold, I must say! Now tell me, honor bright. Were you expelled from College for an act That you would think disgraceful ? Fowler. Certainly not. Becky. Fred, honor bright .? Fowler. Beck, honor bright. Becky. I knew it. Fowler. I was miles off that night, at Gardner's house, Consulting him regarding mother's chair of Poetry. Becky. Indeed! The man who wrote That "one cannot wed Art and Woman both And hope for heaven on earth ?" Fowler. Oh, as for that, I have converted him, and he agrees With me now, that, however miserable A man may be with woman, he is worse, A thousand, thousand, thousand times without her. Becky. I must forgive him, I suppose! But, Fred Why did you not come sooner to relieve My awful state of mind concerning you ? THE COMET 113 Fowler. You were the first I called on, certainly! But, dear, your father met me at the door Like the stone lion there, become alive, And tore me piecemeal. Beck, I was pro- voked. And only that he was you father — well. No matter. He was frank enough, de- claring That he preferred a dark affinity For you. — How could I help but color up ? Get ready, Beck. I have a cab outside To fetch us to Eureka. Becky. Where, Fred ? Where ? Fowler. I promised mother I would not leave college Without obtaining a degree. Becky. Why, Fred, How a degree, when you have been ex- pelled ? Fowler. The Rector will give it by marrying us. -^ A.B. a Benedict. Becky. A. B. A Bride. Fowler. Good, good! I did not think of that. Why, Beck, You will be the first woman, who has ever Been granted a degree at old Eureka, Which is so much afraid of woman's wit, It shuts its doors on her, and is so fearful Of woman's tongue, it sneaks beneath the platform 114 THE COMET And kicks up like a mule to smash the planks, Rather than cope with her in eloquence. Becky. But will the Rector — Fowler. Why, of course, he will, So long as I am Black! We take no chance But ride directly to the Alderman. Becky. With your face black ? Fowler. Yes. Becky. Not for all the world. Fowler. Then Beck, for greater than the world, for love! {He attempts to kiss her, but she breaks away with a peal of laughter.) Becky. No, no! How queer you look! Would not believe That it is you, excepting for your eyes. Fowler. I thought your father would have blackened them. {They hear the outer door slam). Becky. Fred, Father! Fowler. Swallow me, O floor! Becky. His slam When anything goes wrong. Here, here, in here. {She opens the bookcase and Fowler enters the compartment designed by Mr. Pighead for his unseen witnesses. She closes the door but not completely. Mr. Pighead appears and walks up and down the room several times without utter- ing a word.) THE COMET 115 PiGHEAD. Was anybody here ? Becky, (hesitating a moment). Yes, Mr. Lamb, The Butcher. PiGHEAD. What the deuce brought him ? Becky. The bill. PiGHEAD. The rascal! He it was, who organized "The Anti-Dead-Beat Club of the Thir- teenth Ward" Against me, when a candidate for Con- gress, And, when I was defeated, roared at me From out his vehicle, "he had got square!" One payment is enough for any bill. — Was there nobody else here ? (The bell rings). Becky, (going out). There's the bell. PiGHEAD. Bond, I suppose. Good I got home in time. Bond, (entering). Pighead you are a lucky dog. PiGHEAD. How SO ? Bond. You are not married. PiGHEAD. Hem! Bond. Your daughter ? PiGHEAD. (muttering). Niece. Bond, (approaching the bookcase for greater secrecy.) Safe here ? PiGHEAD. Beck, go up Stairs. ii6 THE COMET Bond. Here is the Will. Be quick about it. It must be put back Into the safe before my wife awakes, — An hour at most. PiGHEAD. How would z codicil, Cutting her scapegrace off and making you Sole legatee — Bond. I am no hog. PiGHEAD. I know, But Mr. Bond, are you aware the fool Intends to slur his father's honored name By throwing his inheritance away To the four winds ? Bond. Let him! Damn him, let him! All I want is my own — what, in the fume Of panicy parisis, I assigned To Mrs. Bond, and could not then get back On the regaining of my normal mind. PiGHEAD. But Mr. Bond, this is the simplest way. Bond. The simplest hell! What! wait until she dies, A woman who can pass through three train wrecks. And five hotels in flames without a scratch! You promised expedition, now make good. PiGHEAD. Where are the papers ? Bond, {after a pause). In her boudoir safe. On top of which she has her sharp-eyed cur. That never will forgive me for a kick. THE COMET 117 PiGHEAD. You must get them. Bond. Must ? PiGHEAD. Must, and quickly. Bond. Hell! PiGHEAD. As for the mortgage on the Liberal Club, I thought it policy, not to record it, — Bond. Good, good!! you are a brick. — PiGHEAD. And thought it wise To make myself the assignee. Bond. What! PiGHEAD. Yes, But there is now no time to talk of that. The papers! Get the papers! BoNf). In an hour, Though I have to choke the cur to get at them. {He starts followed to the door by Pighead). PiGHEAD Meanwhile, I shall fix up the codicil, — {He returns and gazes up at the ceiling). Including a provision to ensure Due compensation for my services. {Walks up and down). A million is my mark. A million! million! If he should question that amount, what then ? No probate of the Will! I have him there. A million! Oh, a million! If to gurgle The mere word million, million, gives de- light, How much more exquisite, more ravishing, ii8 THE COMET The pleasure from the substance in the hand! Rebecca! — But no matter. Never mind. Becky. {Entering with anxious look). What is it, Pa ? PiGHEAD. Oh, nothing! — save to say, Rebecca, it was well you did not come This evening to the Club. Another proof Of woman's intuition! Think of it!! The rascal! rascal! {Takes a -flower pot and dashes it against the book case concealing Fowler.) Becky, {in alarm). Father! PiGHEAD. Crazy poet! Who has black men made members of the Club! Becky. Who, Pa ? PiGHEAD. {savagely). Paul Gardner. Becky. Oh! and is that all ? PiGHEAD. That all! Becky. I thought that something dreadful happened. PiGHEAD. What could be dreadfuller than having blacks, And educated ones, which makes the case Incalculably worse, made full fledged mem- bers Of the great Liberal Club, "to make it swell In membership," as they already boast ? Becky, {timidly). Maybe they are not black. THE COMET 119 PiGHEAD. Beck, am I blind ? {Tumbles the chairs). Becky, (excitedly). It does not hurt their feelings, Pa, but mine To toss the chairs about. (Lifts the chairs and places them between the bookcase and her father.) Oh, I don't know What I am doing! Let them stay there! PiGHEAD. (dashing another flower-pot against the bookcase.) Rascal! Becky, (hysterically). The flowers have not offended! How can I Now deck your client's cell ? PiGHEAD. Oh, to the Devil With such a client! Becky. Pa! PiGHEAD. He lied to me! He said that he had friends! Yet, not a black Of them but wants to see his dangling corpse, Rather than give a dime for his defense. (Tumbles the chairs.) Becky, (piteously). Pa! Hear the neighbors opening their win- dows. PiGHEAD. The Liberal Club is ruined! ruined! ruined! And in the debris lies my chance forever Of an appointment to the Bench, except I reach the President without delay 120 THE COMET And stab Bond with his wife; then, plainly show The recognition due the Liberal Club Belongs by right to me, who am its brains. Shall I start now for Washington, or wait For Bond's return and finish up that job ? Becky. Go now — if you think best. PiGHEAD. I was not talking To you. — Head, take next train; tail, wait till morning. {Tosses the coin in the atr.) Confound it. Beck! Where did that dollar roll? Becky, (in opposite direction). I think somewhere in here. Pa. PiGHEAD. No, in there. {Pighead tosses the furniture and stoops near where Fred is hiding. Becky after hesitating a moment in distress, turns off the gas.) PiGHEAD. Am I an owl. Beck ? Becky. Pshaw! Turned it too far. I thought you needed stronger light to see Where it had rolled too. PiGHEAD. Always thinking wrong. Get me a match. Becky. There is not one upstairs. PiGHEAD. Go down and get one. Becky. There are mice downstairs. Pa, will you come with me ? Come, you go first. {Puts her hand on his shoulder.) THE COMET 121 PiGHEAD. {starting). Why did you turn the gas off, anyway ? Beck, you are always doing foolish things. Becky. Not always, Pa. PiGHEAD. {sharply and turning back) Beck, go up to your room. Becky. Why Pa ? PiGHEAD. {nervously). Go, go, I tell you. Beck. Go! Go! I want to think and I must be alone. Becky. Shall I bring down a match? PiGHEAD. No, darkness suits My mood now. Becky. Let me fix the room a little. PiGHEAD. {snapping). How can you fix the room up in the dark ? {Becky retires reluctantly, and Mr. Pighead walks to and fro. He soon hisses out his words, heightening his tone as he proceeds; and, toward the end of the passage, he clutches, strangles and with all his might jumps upon the victim — in imagination.) Now, now, I have him in my gladdening clutch. Earth is too small for both of us. A clause Cutting him off, shall be put in that Will, Whether Bond wants, or not. So they have talked Over and over, how, when free to use His fortune, they will start by being just To the last dollar! Which means simply that They will insist upon a full accounting 122 THE COMET For these last fifteen years, and ruin me, When I become Chief Justice! Aye, Chief Justice! For I shall now mislay this testament, And not be able to recover it, Till Bond agrees in writing — word be damned! — To get the Trusts, which are omnipotent. And foreordain the Judges, like the Laws, To say the word for me, that cannot fail. But then to be dragged down! Oh, for a bit Of seasoned meat to throw across the fence Into his kennel, and to watch him bloat. Through a safe chink! No sunrise such a sight!! Ha, dog, you bark at me ? Have you nosed out With your mean dog intelligence, what Beck Could not with all her woman's intuition, That I am not her father ? And the flow- ers, In such profusion, never were designed To deck a cell, but be our nuptial bower ? Ha! Ha! you show your fangs! you show your fangs! Oh, I will tear you, tear you, limb from limb. And crush you, crush you into maggot food!! Becky, {entering alarmed by the noise she has heard). THE COMET 123 Oh, Father! what is it that you have done ? Oh, I would rather, yes, a thousand times, That you had murdered me! had mur- dered me! PiGHEAD. {cooling from his excitement) Beck, Beck, what ails you ? — Becky, {sobbing). Murdered me — me — me! Where is he? Oh! where is he? Not a moan; Still, he may not be dead. A doctor, quick! PiGHEAD. Beck, are you crazy ? I was only dreaming. I dozed a moment, and I thought a dog. That had been following me life-long. Had sprung upon me with a savage growl. We grappled, but at length I caught his throat, Choked him and crushed his brains out with my heel. Becky. Oh, nothing all this night but frights for me! Come, father, to your room and go to bed. Your dozing shows how badly you need rest. PiGHEAD. I am awake now. Did you find that dollar ? Becky. No, Pa, but Dinah will before she goes. PiGHEAD. She will, of course! the question is, will I ? If she should limp, make her take off her shoe. 124 THE COMET Becky. Pa! You know well that Dinah, when she found The twenty dollar bill last Sunday morning, Did not purloin it, though you then accused The poor girl of the theft. PiGHEAD. The cunning creature! She put it in the Bible where she knew That I would never look. Becky. Be just to her,— She put it there till she got through her cleaning. PiGHEAD. Oh, "just" again! Rebecca! whyuse"just" So often when addressing me of late ? Becky. Father, what do you mean ? PiGHEAD. What do you mean ? My mind was never clearer in my life, And it has never had such need to be. I must at once draw up a document That duly signed by Bond, will, veritably, Make me Chief Justice. Becky, (kissing him). Oh, what glorious news! How happy, happy, father! — PiGHEAD. Oh, call me Father no longer! Becky, (smiling). Well, then, Mr. Justice! PiGHEAD. God! — come upstairs, Beck! I rhust tell you all — That your real name is Lovehart. Becky. What!! THE COMET 125 PiGHEAD. Come, come. Put out the hall-light; those gas com- panies Are highway robbers. Becky My real name is Lovehart ? PiGHEAD. Help me upstairs and you will then, learn all. Put out the light. Becky. {For Fred's hearing). I shall come down again. {Becky helps Mr. Pighead upstairs and Fowler coming out of the bookcase moves around the room cautiously.) Fowler. What an eternity within that tomb, With devils raging round! for he is many; But, then, what joy to feel I was immune From peril, by the grace of woman's wit! So he is not her father, but a fraud. And wants to marry her! The gall of it Stifles me breathless; and his plot to change My mother's Will, and cut the "scape- grace off, "Whether Bond wants, or not!" The villian! still I owe him thanks; for 't is to his fore- thought I am indebted for a hiding place In time of peril, and the private box At his great exhibition of himself. 126 THE COMET The devil's cunning always is his gibbet. He swings himself without an angel's help, As hangman. Oh, Divine economy! {He listens at the door). What, if the wretch attempt foul means ? I stay. I do not leave this house to-night without her. (Pauses). Oh, how I wish that Beck would hurry down! For ere I put the Rector to the test. Must go to Gip's assistance at the safe. One dog should help another. — O ye Lawyers! Ye tools of each and every infamy Against the public and the private weal! Ye clogs upon the axis of the world, In her rotation from the night to day! {Pauses). Make haste, make haste, Love! Time! un- yoke your oxen And hitch a span of lightnings to your wain. How devilish long it takes a girl to dress! But here she comes, the pink of all per- fections ! {Dinah enters from the hall, and seeing Fow- ler, shakes the house with her screech. Fowler glides into the back room. Mr. Pighead, coming dx)wn stairs with a rush, bumps against Dinah and pushes her further into the parlor.) Pighead. What is the matter ? Dinah. {Moaning). Saw de ghost of Mose! THE COMET 127 PiGHEAD. Rot! crazy! crazy! Dinah. No Sair, I'se not crazy. It was de ghost of Mose, sure as I'se born! He said he would come back, Sair, if I took A ring from cousin Sam. Off, off it comes! I care not for **de misery" — Off! Off! {Takes It off). Now, out, out, out de window, — or de door, Forever! Mose, if you is here, look! look! {She goes to the parlor door, intending to escape, but shudders hack and lets out an unearthly shriek at the sight of Fowler, who snatches the ring and passes through the hall into the street.) Dinah. O save me, save me, Sair, from Moses' ghost! {She clings to Mr. Pighead who cannot shake her off). Pighead. {in a voice indicating altered atti- tude toward Becky). A match, Rebecca! Dinah, {seeing Becky hastening in Fowler's direction). Dar, dar, dar she goes! Pighead. {furious at Becky's departure). Rebecca! Oh, let go, let go, you hussy! Dinah. Won't, won't nohow! nohow! Pighead. {fiercely). Damn you, let go. Or I will choke you. Dinah. No, nohow! you want To follow her and shut me in alone. You won't nohow! Help! Murder! Pighead. Outch! 128 THE COMET Dinah. Don't try to choke me den! Or dis hat pin Will go in all de way and find your heart. {Mr. Pighead becomes docile through terror and makes no further attempt to break from Dinah, so that the lovers are afforded ample time to reach Alderman Bowers' office.) Mr. Bond, {entering). The hall door open and the gas not lit, — That's kinder strange. Where are you, Pighead ? Pighead. {faintly). Here. {Mr. Bond lays down his packages on a chair and, striking a match, lights the gas). Mr. Bond. Well, by the Jumping Ginger! what is this ? And you the one I thought the lucky dog!! Pighead. {excitedly). This frenzied woman — r Bond. Keep your tale of woe, I have domestic troubles of my own. Pighead. But Mr. Bond! this negress — Bond. Oh, I see, — This your dark lady ? Pighead. {furious). No! Bond. Of course, deny it. Lie like a gentleman. Nothing preserves Respectability like strong denials. How long do you intend to keep me waiting .? Pighead. This woman has a hatpin in her hand! Bond. A hatpin! — Oh! then she has my respect. THE COMET 129 Dinah, {releasing Pighead). He tried to guzzle me and shut me up. Bond. You should know better, Mr. Pighead, then Ever to try to shut a woman up. Postpone this tryst! I came here to trans- act Important business that may take all night. {Stoops and picks up the coin). Here, take this dollar, — better in your hand Than on the floor. {While Dinah is taking the dollar, Pighead snatches the hatpin and breaks it.) Pighead. Now you get out of here. Dinah. I'se goin', Mr. Pighead! I's goin'. You can take out this dollar from my wages. {She withdraws sidewtse with her eyes on Pig- head). Pighead. {apologetically). The Crazy creature! thought she saw a spook. Bond, {untying his package). Good acting! but 'tis no affair of mine. {Pighead starts for the door but is grabbed back by Bond). Pighead. I want to find my niece. Bond. Oh, to the devil With nieces! Did I come here for your pleasure ? Here are the papers — by the Jumping Ginger!! 130 THE COMET PiGHEAD. What is the trouble ? Bond. Jumping Ginger! Look!! {Bond rattles the papers in Pighead's face without giving him a chance to glance at them.) Rubbish! all rubbish! Not a deed, nor mortgage In all the garbage I have donkeyed here! PiGHEAD. Look well. Some papers there may be of value. Bond. Value — Hell! This, a contract for a tomb Of pure Italian marble for her dog; This for green shades in the feline hospital, And this — Ha! for a Chair of Poetry Not to exceed the sum of fifty dollars, Including the expressage! Muck! all muck! {He scatters the papers on the -floor.) PiGHEAD. How did it happen ? Bond. Oh, I grabbed the stuff And, like a man with green goods, "never looked!!" Just like a man with green goods, "never looked!!" {In uttering the last line, his tone is one of mingled agony and amazement at hts stupidity) {He walks to and fro briskly.) No freedom for this fool! this fool of fools! My life is like a squirrel in the cage. For every bar I touch to make escape. But whirls me round the faster! Get me out! THE COMET 131 PiGHEAD. Hem! Hem! I have been thinking seriously Over the matter that we have discussed. Bond. Oh, to the devil with your thinking! Act! PiGHEAD. It is a dark transaction, Mr. Bond! I feel compunction. Get somebody else. Bond. Damn it! What is your figure for the job? PiGHEAD. {after hesitating). A million. Bond. Cents ? PiGHEAD. No; dollars. In addition, I want your influence to get the Trusts To make me the Chief Justice. Bond. Jumping Ginger! Pighead, do you know what I think of you ? PiGHEAD. That matters little. Bond. You are crazy!! PiGHEAD. No, But am a politician just got wise To opportunities, I once let slip Through ignorance, or undeveloped nerve. Let us now put it down in black and white. Bond. You rascal! PiGHEAD. There are two of us, I guess. Bond. {After a long disdainful look at Pig- head). I had two packages. Where is the other ? Laid it somewhere here when I struck the match. 132 THE COMET {^Searches a few moments and finding it on a chair, lifts it exultantly.) Ha! Ha! No fool! I knew I was no fool To leave what I was after, and seize only The rubbish. PiGHEAD. What is that ? Bond, {surprised). Another Will! PiGHEAD. The date — Bond. Last March — PiGHEAD. Signed — Bond. Signed — PiGHEAD. And witnessed ? Bond. Witnessed. PiGHEAD. Luck! Bond. I should say so. Graces! Jumping Ginger! Well, after this, I give up all attempt At sounding woman nature. PiGHEAD. {with misgivings and reaching for the paper). Why ? Bond. Hands off! — An ocean plummet is too short by leagues. {reading). I, Harriet Fowler Bond, in the full enjoyment of all my senses, in proof whereof I attach the sworn certificates of two distinguished members of the medical profession, wishing to dispose of my possessions, real and personal, according to my judgment, make this disposition my last Will and Testament. My Soul, I am ready at any moment to give back to its Maker who has been so lavish of His blessings to me and mine, expressing the THE COMET 133 hope that He will deal as mercifully with me, as I have always tried to deal with others, even with the least of his creatures. I bequeath to my beloved husband, John Henry Bond, with whom my life has been un- interrupted happiness, all the stocks, bonds, deeds, mortgages and holdings of every descrip- tion specified hereinafter, that he has ever assigned me out of the goodness of his heart; and in addition, I bequeath to him, my beloved husband, one-third of my real and personal estate, excepting my cottage at Newport, my pet collie, Gip, and my jewels, which I give with my benediction to my affectionate son, Frederick Fowler, and the lady whom he selects to be his bride. I bequeath to my beloved husband, John Henry Bond, the third of my real and personal property, as aforesaid, on the condition that, if he should marry again, it shall be to the woman whom, on my account, he divorced on testimony which, judging from the utterances in his sleep on three distinct occasions, was manufactured by his attorney, one John Henry Pighead." PiGHEAD. {sarcastically). Is that to be a record of the Court ? Bond. "The residue of my estate, real and personal, I bequeath to my son, Frederick Fowler, with the request that he will erect an annex to the Feline Hospital founded by his mother, and that he will take her place on the Board of Di- rectors." Harriet Fowler Bond. 134 "THE COMET "We believe that the testatrix of the Will to which we herewith subscribe ourselves as wit- nesses, is in the full enjoyment of all her senses. Gall Price, M.D. Laudanum Phial, M.D. PiGHEAD. Fie! I can break that Will. The witnesses, Shrewdly enough give testimony only As to her senses. How significant, No word as to the soundness of her mind! Bond, {folding up the will). Her mind is sound; 't is flawless, like her jewels. The will suits me. It gives me back my own And in addition — PiGHEAD. Names whom you must wed. Bond. 'T is no compulsion where the heart is willing. One grows acquainted with the first wife's worth By contrast with the second's. PiGHEAD. You treat lightly A matter awful in its consequences; For, were this Will made public, we would be Excoriated, ostracized for life!! Bond. We ought to be. Damn it, we ought to be! PiGHEAD. But, Sir, my reputation! reputation!! Bond. Tour reputation!! Throw it in quicklime. The stench is fearsome. THE COMET 135 PiGHEAD. Sir, this my reward ? — Bond. Must get these in the safe before she wakes. {Taking all his papers, Bond hurries off. Ptg- head, dumfounded, gazes up at the ceiling and then walks up and down the floor. Though Rebecca's name does not escape his lips, her "flight with its possible consequences to him con- tributes potently to his new determination.) PiGHEAD. You and your ilk, Bond! will yet feel my hand. I must not and I will not fail. This brain Shall be no longer powder on the ground, To flare without report, but charge a purpose, A mighty cannon that will wake the world. The Negro has no memory of wrong; I shall supply him with that memory, So help me, God! Ah, then my smile will be "Like a dark lantern in a burglar's hand," And spoil the dreams of many! All the Black Requires is intellect to plan for him The battle with the mob, and iron will Of the Dictator, both to guide his rage In the wild hour of triumph, and to build An empire, as enduring as the hills. {He moves toward the bower). I have the intellect! I have the will! 'Tellect!! The will!! and now, so help me — Ough! 1^6 THE COMET {He suddenly falls with a groan against the bower, crushing it, his protracted excitement^ superinduced by the drainage of his mental re- sources in concocting his last nefarious scheme to gain power, having culminated in a paralytic seizure.) THE COMET 137 ACT VI {An observatory with telescopes, computing table and other appropriate belongings. Rector Wisdom IS gazing through the telescope and does not heed the knock at the door.) Gardner, {entering). Good morning, Rector! Wis, good morn- ing' Rector Wisdom, {without turning from his observation). Shu! If you are drowsy, go to bed. Gardner, {after a pause). Good morning! Rector Wisdom. Oh, Paul! I thought you were the Curate. — Look! {He makes place for Gardner at the telescope). What do you see ? Gardner, {after a pause). Old Mars, as red with rage As ever, at the earth for her bad manners In not acknowledging his bow to her, Signal for signal. Rector Wisdom. Is that all you see ? Gardner. I see the Spirit flinging stars like seed Before Him by the handful, right and left, And leaving not — oh, anywhere in space, Mind, heart, or soul — a dark without a star! Rector Wisdom, {returning to the telescope). Still at your poetry! not much of late, Gardner. Not in the hackneyed form, I must concede; 138 THE COMET For now my language, in exultant moods, Is action to arouse the world from sleep. Rather than hand-clap rhyme to please the child; But how about the Pleaides, old boy ? Has she who hid for shame for having loved A mortal, reappeared ? Rector Wisdom. I make the comet My special study. Gardner. Always the divine! You seek the erring, even among the stars. Say, what about the one with the squir- rel's tail ? I read somewhere about it. Rector Wisdom. That is mine. Gardner, {taking his hand). Congratulation! Let me see it. Wis! Where shall I look for it ? {Goes to the telescope). Rector Wisdom. In right ascension. Two hours and fifty minutes, plus one second. Gardner. Yes! but it seems the tail without the squirrel. Rector Wisdom. The body is beneath it; you must look With your imagination through the lens. I base my claim to this discovery. Not on the tail which any one can view. But on the body, which I am the first To predicate, and which must soon appear. THE COMET 139 {He looks through the telescope.) In my first calculation, I was wrong By only half a second, which was due To the disturbance by the College bell. Gardner. The College bell! What time was it? Rector Wisdom. Near dawn. Gardner. What was the matter ? Rector Wisdom. Oh, that crazy hazing Which Fowler, whom you wrote about, conducted — Gardner. Fred Fowler was — Rector Wisdom, {impatiently). Why, Paul! the Curate heard One of the others there call him by name. Gardner. It was his astral presence, then; but, say, A thought occurs. Was hazing at the hour That you descried the comet, not, at least, A strange coincidence ? Who knows, old boy! But that it was the comet you descried. Which influenced the youths to make the break From discipline ? If stars shed influence, Why not the comets ? Think it over. Wis. {Gardner is inspired to propose this theory by his sense of humor in order to put the Rector in a pleasant frame of mind to listen to a defense of the Students; but, when he observes that the idea makes an impression on the Rector, he seeks to strengthen it with argumentation, recalling Sir William Hamilton's testimony that the philosopher 140 THE COMET finds It hard to overcome the temptation of associ- ating his name with a fallacious theory, rather than with none at all. The effect on the Rector IS not avowed by him, but it acts subconsciously throughout the rest of the Play, appealing to his pride as a philosopher as well as a scientist, and to some extent influencing his action.) Have wars and plagues not been concomi- tant With comets in all ages and all climes ? May there not be as much in such belief, As in ghost stories, that some scientists Find ground enough for psychical research ? Rector Wisdom, (impressed). Well! Gardner. I am serious. What colossal Fames Are pedestaled on gossamers as thin! Rector Wisdom. Quite true. Gardner. Why not propound the notion, Wis, That comets are the cause of earth's dis- orders ? Say! Say! Would that not ease the human conscience And soon ensure a mighty following ? Propound the notion boldly! boldly! boldly! It will connect Eureka's name forever. As well as yours, not merely with one comet, But with all comets, and, old boy, exalt Our Alma Mater in the world of thought. Rector Wisdom. There may be something, Paul, in what you say. THE COMET 141 Gardner. 'T is something to have been a pioneer In any field of science, though unique In one's assumptions. There is nothing new Under the sun. Try, therefore, what may be Under the comet, which draws us through regions The sun has never traveled, and is never Likely to travel. Rector Wisdom, {lifting his hand). Words! Words! Gardner. Hardly! Has The sun yet shed a ray upon the problem Of Evil in the world ? The comet may, Since proven, as it does, that what may seem Sheer lawlessness in our sidereal space. Is still the working out of Cosmic law. Rector Wisdom. Oh, Oh, you poets! {Goes to the telescope.) Gardner, {following him). Get the Sophomores Who did the hazing, coldly to dissect Their consciousness to learn what prompted them To be unruly, and the length of time They felt the influence. This they will do Frankly enough, and with detail enlarged As by a microscope, if what they write Be privileged, and not used to their hurt. 142 THE COMET Rector Wisdom. Well, but I have expelled them. Gardner. What! not others Beside young Fowler ? Rector Wisdom. Every one concerned. Gardner. But you will take them back in time ? Rector Wisdom. Not one. No discipline, no college. Gardner. Has the prize, Offered to any youth who could invent A deviltry his father did not play. Been yet awarded ? Will it ever be .? When we were Sophs and Seniors, did not we Make breaks from discipline and blaze night long ? Were comets, Wis, fixed stars when we were young ? Do you remember how we chloroformed The proctor through the key-hole of his room. In answer to his prayer; "Let me have peace. At least for one night in the year?" Rector Wisdom. Yes, but Should manhood ride the nightmare of his youth ? Gardner. No nightmare in this case, for, since our time. Brute force obliging freshmen to perform The acts of menials and the freaks of loons. THE COMET 143 Has been replaced by sane, ennobling rites. Can you afford to check the great Reform ? Rector Wisdom. I have determined to pluck up the practice Of hazing, root and branch, and burn the seed. Gardner. A horticulture which the President Of every College on the globe, has tried Without a blooming product for his pains. Now, throwing off the Rector, man to man, Why be implacable in Fowler's case ? He was my guest that night from dusk to dawn. Rector Wisdom, (slightly annoyed). His conduct subsequent to his expulsion, — Inciting many others to rebel Against authority, then leading them In most disgraceful acts of violence Against tradespeople in their right to peace And the enjoyment of their property, — Has justified my sternness, if extreme. The light shows I walked straight, when in the dark. He is a dangerous youth. I had him marked For shipment, months before I sent him off. Gardner. Vicious ? Rector Wisdom. No, worse. Gardner. How worse ? Rector Wisdom. Hairbrained. Why, he Would fling a murderous, devastating bomb 144 "THE COMET Into the social structure, for the noise, Or just to smoke a rat from out the wall. {Goes to the telescope.) Gardner. Now, not as bad as that! Young genius rarely. If ever, flings the pepper of his wit In handfuls on the fire of righteous ire, To set the world a sneezing, like the sea. Out of sheer malice! 'T is to clear the heads Of those who snuffle with the cold of cant. That he repeats the trick he learned at school. Rector Wisdom, {returning from the telescope and searching Gardner with his glance). Paul, tell me why you are so interested In that young man ? Gardner. Because, Wis, his expulsion May prove calamitous. Rector Wisdom. To whom ? Gardner. To you And to Eureka. Rector Wisdom. How ? Gardner. Because his mother May reconsider her bequest. Rector Wisdom. His mother .? Gardner. Yes, Mrs. Fowler Bond, the lady whom I represent in stablishing the Chair Of Poetry, and other chairs as well. To make Eureka foremost of the peaks That catch the sunrise. THE COMET 145 Rector Wisdom, {agitated). How unfortunate!! Gardner. The son, moreover, on the very night The Colored youth was hazed, assured me that. In case the mother's sum did not suffice To make Eureka's Chair of Poetry The finest in the world, he would supply The shortage, on the day he came of age. Rector Wisdom, {aside). Eureka's discipline at any cost! Yet, yet, her needs are great. Ought I head off And kill a good upon its way to her ? {A knock, and Fred Fowler enters with Re- becca Lovehart, to the amazement of the Rector) Fowler. Good morning, sir! Rector Wisdom. Good morning! What is this .? Fowler. Are you the parson at the little church Down in Eurekaville ? Rector Wisdom, {sharply). Yes. Fowler, {to Rebecca). Bless the stars! {In this scene Rebecca talks little, partly because absorbed in thought on the events in the preced- ing act, but mainly because hers is a love that leans on her lover mentally and morally, with delight of the contact with the object of her affec- tion rather than with the sense of weakness. She concentrates her gleeful eyes on Fred, wholly oblivious of the presence of bystanders, though 146 THE COMET not so obtrusively as to excite in them more than a smile in comment. She looks approvingly at whatever Fred says, or does, forgetting his dis- guise in her admiration, except when he attempts to kiss her, and her shrinking, then, is instinctive as in a dream. (Gardner goes to the telescope.) Rector Wisdom. The Curate is in charge. You can see him Tomorrow. I am busy. Fowler. Yes ? — Your name Is Hiram Wisdom ? Wisdom. Yes. Fowler. Your father, Seth, Held forth in that same pulpit ? — Rector Wisdom. Yes, — Fowler. And Saul, His sire, preceded him, and Absalom, His father, was the founder of the church. Rector Wisdom. You have my pedigree. Well! What of it? Fowler. A problem that has kept me wake whole nights. If there had never been an Absalom, There would have been no Saul; and, if no Saul, No Seth; and if no Seth, no Hiram; — Rector Wisdom, (curious). True — Fowler. Then, how much Wisdom would the world have lost ? Rector Wisdom, (smiling faintly). Well, what of it ? THE COMET 147 Fowler. Just this — Bill Beelzebub, My father's great grandfather, saved the life Of Absalom's good mother, when a girl. And Absalom, attaining to the age Of reason, pledged his word that he, or his, Would, long as grass grows green and water runs. Wed, christen and inter the Beelzebubs Without charge of a dollar. Rector Wisdom. Oh, indeed! Fowler. But do you think Bill Beelzebub accepted That kindness, unconditionally? No! He was a simple man, who, holding fast To the fixed stars, left comets to the fools. {The rector straightens up). And so he answered; "Absalom! while you And yours are true in doctrine, I accept, On the behalf of my posterity; And now I ask you. Sir, do you hold fast To all the tenets that your fathers taught ? Or simply hold the ignorant to them For sake of social order, and to save A fine profession for its perquisites From being one of the "lost arts ?" Rector Wisdom, {aside). Well! Well! Is this a knave, or fool ? or maniac ? What do you want with me ? Fowler. To marry us. Rector Wisdom. Are there no clergymen else- where ? 148 THE COMET Fowler. Not up. They keep good hours. We were informed that you Spend every night carousing — Rector Wisdom. What! — Fowler. Yes, sir, — Carousing with the heavens, and would not mind An interruption — Rector Wisdom. Misinformed! — Fowler. To help A fugitive, with bloodhounds on his track, — My dear one's dad and her three brothers. Rector Wisdom. Oh! Is this young woman white ? Fowler. Yes. Rector Wisdom. Is she dumb ? Fowler. Well, yes, Jwmfounded, Sir, though her affliction. The saddest possible to womankind. Dates back now scarce two hours. Rector Wisdom. Two hours! Fowler. Yes, Sir. You look incredulous. Who would not lose The power of speech, a woman though one be, To learn. Sir, that the man whom she had thought Her father, was a fraud who, not content With squandering her fortune, tried to blast THE COMET 149 Her life by forcing her to marry him Instead of me, her lover, true to death ? This is a wicked world which men like you In the sky business. Sir, who keep aloof, Can bless the stars that you know little of. Rector Wisdom. How will I know, Sir, that she compre- hends The grave importance of this step ? Fowler. How know That any bride does ? They are all alike, Too much preoccupied with happy thoughts To think about the grave. Rector Wisdom. No levity. Her name ? Rebecca. Rebecca Lovehart. Rector Wisdom, {surprised). She can speak! Fowler. Of course! Dumb persons now-a-days all speak. They read the lips like posters on a fence. Rector Wisdom. Remove your veil. Fowler. Hold on there. Parson! wait! The ceremony first, and then the kiss. You parsons always want to be prepaid. Rector Wisdom. I must be sure she is not hypnotized. Fowler. Is she so sleepy-looking, you require An expert to attest she is awake ? Rebecca, raise your veil. {She removed it.) 150 THE COMET We have been joined Already by an Alderman; but Beck Does not believe an Alderman has power Enough to pave and light the road to Heaven; Though, in most things, he may have pull enough To draw a mule from out its hide and hoofs. Rector Wisdom. Why don't you get your col- ored minister ? Fowler. I have my reasons, Sir. He disapproves Of all mixed marriages. He says no good Can come of them, except by way of fees And therefore charges double. Rector Wisdom. He is wise. Fowler. Wise ? No, Sir. He is Reverend Madison Wells. You know him, don't you? He's the col- ored preacher That, at the Great Alliance of all Chris- tians, Was hustled out at sight. Rector Wisdom. You should get him. Fowler. I would, were my dear bride as broad of mind As I am, Sir. You see, I don't object To a white Parson; but she does to a Black. The women folks need higher education. THE COMET 151 Rector, {glancing at Fowler sharply). What is your occupation ? Fowler. Mine, Sir? Oh! 'T is anything an honest man can do With brawny hands and something of a head, And her's is teaching music. Rector Wisdom, {impatiently). Oh! Fowler. "Oh!" Sir! Were you to hear her, you would not say "Oh!" She plays by ear, by sight, and, as she puts Her nose close to the sheet, I think by smell. Rector Wisdom, {depreciatively). How can she play, when she is hard of hearing ? Fowler. Oh! like Beethoven who, you know, was deaf. Rector Wisdom. Oh! sit down there. I shall ring up the Curate. {Goes to the bell, followed by Fowler). Fowler. Will not your Reverence perform the Rite ? Rector Wisdom. I am engaged. Fowler. What! Do you stultify Your public utterance ? Rector Wisdom. What utterance ? Fowler. That you would rather wed your daughter — Rector Wisdom. What!! — 152 THE COMET Fowler. If you had one, and she would do your bidding, To a good Colored youth of education, Than have a Bishop, with Chinese dong- dong For chasing evil, tie her to the scion Of any of our White first families. Rector Wisdom. Who dares declare I ever made that statement ? Fowler. The press says Curate Jones. Rector Wisdom. What! — Just like him. Fowler. Do you repudiate the sentiment, Or reaffirm it ? Wisdom, {ringing the bell). I do neither. Fowler, {to Gardner). Sir, We need a witness, — will you honor us ? Rector. I have rung up the Curate, wait him there. {They sit aside and converse in the sign lan- guage.) Gardner, {whispering). Love plays strange pranks. Rector Wisdom. I cannot marry them, For grief to them and theirs can but result. Gardner. If you cannot, how can the Curate ? Rector Wisdom. Oh! He is a raw and simple fellow, Paul, Who never had a scruple in his life. He can perform the rite with a safe con- science. THE COMET 153 Gardner. A handy fellow, Wis, to have about. Yet, should Intelligence that treads the heavens From star to star, w^ith Earth upon his back, Transfer the burden to the swaying shoul- ders Of Ignorance, that sprawls from cloud to cloud ? Frank Merritt. {dashing in). Save, save me. Rector! Barricade the door. {He locks the door and piles chairs and globes against it.) Rector Wisdom. What is the matter ? Merritt. Oh, a mob! a mob! I saw them from my window. Gardner. Friend, be calm! Merritt. They take me for a base Laocoon! {Alarmed at the sight of Fred and Becky, con- versing energetically in the sign language, he jumps on the window-sill, but is caught and pulled back by Gardner.) Gardner. Hold on! hold on! How save you, if you dash Your brains out ? There is no chance with the ground. Lie down here under cover and don't move. {He covers Merritt with the canvas and spreads maps over him.) {Three loud knocks.) 154 THE COMET Rector Wisdom, {feebly). Who are you ? Voice, {outside). Friends. Rector Wisdom. What do you want .? Voice. {Outside). Admittance. Gardner. Admit them ? Rector Wisdom, {unnerved, and nodding neg- atively). Yes. Gardner One moment, gentlemen. {Gardner removes the chairs and opens the door, whereupon Phelps enters with his Delega- tion uttering strange sounds and expressing them- selves picturesquely with the sign language.) Rector Wisdom, {amazed). Are these men dumb ? Phelps. All delegations are, Except the spokesman. Sir. Rector Wisdom. Well, I declare! What can this mean ? Who let you up ? Phelps. No one. {Hank Smith translates the succeeding dialogue into the Sign language for the benefit of the dele- gates who are demonstrative in their appreciation.) A freckled-faced, red-headed, glass-eyed chap Objected, but our message was too urgent To tarry longer than to deputize A sub-committee to give him a hearing. And to report to us, on our return. Rector Wisdom. A rude procedure! Phelps. Not when you consider THE COMET 155 The great importance of our errand, Sir. Are you Eureka's President ? Rector Wisdom. I am. Well? Phelps. No, not Well, but Wells, Sir, Madison Wells. A clergyman, not from the old man's choice, Because the calling is respectable, Pays well, and I am fit for nothing else; But from the feeling that I have been "called." Rector Wisdom. What do you want ? Phelps. We are the Delegation Come from the Liberal Club. Rector Wisdom. The Liberal Club! You mean to tell me that its members. Sir, Are — {Pauses). Phelps. Mutes ? Decidedly. That fact is known To every one who follows its proceedings. Rector Wisdom. That's surely news to me! Please state your business. Phelps. This Delegation from the Liberal Club Has, as you must have seen in all the papers — Rector Wisdom. I have no time for papers. Phelps. You must sit Sequestered from your epoch, then, which, pardon 156 THE COMET My frankness, quite explains why you know little. Or nothing, Sir, about the Liberal Club. Rector Wisdom. My time is valuable! Please proceed. Phelps. We come here to apologize most humbly For the injustice done this institution By Resolutions, passed at our last meeting Upon the hazing of the Colored lad. Rector Wisdom. I know not what your Reso- lutions are. Phelps. Permit me, then, to read them. Rector Wisdom. No, no need. Phelps. Why ? Rector Wisdom. I accept the Club's apology. {Moves toward the telescope). Phelps. Wait, wait! I have a duty to perform. You, surely, would not interrupt a man Doing his duty ? I have to declare The members of the Liberal Club esteem The Students of Eureka highly — Rector Wisdom. What! — Phelps. For having disregarded racial hue In Merritt's case, and having treated him Like every Freshman, since the days of Adam. Rector Wisdom. Well ? Phelps. No, not well, but Wells, Sir! Madison Wells! THE COMET 157 I don't like the last letter of my name To be docked off, Sir, like a horse's tail. I am on record as opposed to docking. Rector Wisdom. Now that your duty is per- formed — Phelps. Not yet. We were impowered to arbitrate with you About the reinstallment of those youths, Upon conditions, honoring all concerned. Rector Wisdom. You try my patience! {turns away). Phelps, (following him). Wait, wait. Sir! Rector Wisdom, (peevishly). No time. Phelps. Must old Eureka forfeit every laurel And to oblivion. Sir, disintegrate ? Remember what Eureka owes to them. Rector Wisdom. Owes them ? Phelps. Yes, Sir, owes them, and not alone Eureka, but the world; for they uplift Their fellow-beings, nay, rejuvenate The human species. — Does that take your breath ? Rector Wisdom. Well, I should think it does! Phelps. I thought it would, But listen — Rector Wisdom. Zounds, Sir! Phelps. Where they go, they draw The masses from the mud-fish life of toil At counter, desk and anvil, bench and case, 158 THE COMET To airholes, Sir, for hours, and give them back Their youth in all its wild exuberance Of Spirit, heart and lung and jump of joy. Delegates. Oo! Oo! Phelps. So much, Sir, for the world; and now Eureka's glory comes. Where can you find The peer of Fowler as a sculler, Sir ? Who has not seen him on the Hudson's tide. Aye, twelve boat-lengths beyond the closest shell. With cheering throngs, like tanks of oil, ablaze In a high wind, on either hilly shore ? And then Jack Baldwin — "Baldwin to the bat!" Oh, when the City, emptying its crowds Into the Diamond field, roars, roars and roars. As though it had Niagara for its lungs, You know that Baldwin, with two out, has struck. And that he flashes round from base to base To the Home plate, before the ball is found, And that Eureka holds the pennon still!! And oh! is there a College on the globe, But would swap off its best Professor, nay, Its President, for Phelps, the Football cap- tain Who may be driven to the hospital, But never to inglorious defeat! THE COMET 159 Rector Wisdom. You seem familiar with the Students' names. Phelps. Much more than with the tutors, I confess. Their names are known to fame; the tutors' not. The Students are alive, Sir, — are a part Of their brisk epoch — while you know, the tutors. Entombed in their old College vaults, but think They live because their hair and beard still grow. Rector Wisdom. You have performed your duty, I shall mine. Phelps. Good, bravo! They can want no more than that. Rector Wisdom. Than what ? Phelps. Than have you do your duty, which Is to accord them judgment by their peers; In short, a "Bill of Rights," or "Magna Charta." Rector Wisdom. Report back to your Club, your errand vain. Curate, {struggling at the door with the Sub- Committee). Now don't excite me! Don't excite me! Don't! Let go, I know you bear me no ill-will; Still, you may be the death of me. Hands off! I have to do my duty to the Rector. i6o THE COMET Phelps. Don't get excited, Friend, but go down stairs And bathe your head with brandy; or, if you Have temperance scruples, bathe it with chopped ice. Curate. Let go, I give you all fair warning, that I have heart trouble, and a poor lone aunt With six grown good for nothings, all de- pending On me to pay the rent and get them clothes ! So don't excite me! don't excite me! don't! Rector Wisdom. What is the matter ? Curate, {approaching). Rector, on the stairs, When coming up in answer to your ring, I overheard enough to warrant me In stating these are your suspended Students, And that this gentleman is coaching them. Here is the money, fifty thousand dollars. They tried to bribe me with. Here, take it. Rector! It burns my fingers! Rector Wisdom, {handing the paper back). That is no banknote. Phelps, {assuringly). That } That is good as money. That is, Sir, The claim of Citizen George Francis Train Against the British Empire for the sum Of fifty thousand pounds with interest, THE COMET ■ i6i For one whole night's duress in dungeon vile, Duly assigned to Fenians for collection. 'T is good as some Wall street securities That qualify their owners as Grand Jurors, Bank bolsterers, church pillars, and what not In Civic and in Ethical reforms. {The Colored Delegates who have held their breath during the Curate's recital, discontinue the sign language and become restless, and the Rector eyes them sharply and displays amaze- ment. The Curate hastens out frightened by his own temerity, but is intercepted by Fowler who beckons with one hand to his bride). Fowler. Hold on, young Curate! Don't have us to chase Till morning for a parson. Rector Wisdom. I forbid it. {The Curate stands agog). Are these the expurgated Students, Paul ? Gardner. Yes, and they have been truly expurgated; I found them boys and I return them men. Rector Wisdom. Audacity without a parallel! Gardner. It happened just this way. I saw the herd Stampeding, and I knew that, if I tried To stop them short, they would make pulp of me. I saw my only chance to lead them back i62 THE COMET Where they belong, was to swing them around By way of glory. Rector Wisdom. Glory ? Gardner. It is glory To have chastised Eureka's slanderers, The vile defamers of its President, Its Faculty and Students, in a manner To be remembered. Rector Wisdom. By a negro farce ? Gardner. Consider that, if they have smoked their features, Like glass, it was that we might look through them At Freedom in its Northern obscuration. Rector Wisdom. Paul! Gardner. They have brought the Colored problem home To the whole Nation, in a playful way. Rector Wisdom, (flaring). What! Has it come to pass, Paul Gardner! that Eureka has erupted smoke and lava To make a Pompeii of Gettysburg And all the other battlefields, now sacred ? Gardner. No, but Eureka has sent up a light Which, howsoever it may startle many, Is worth the Country's heeding; for it shows, The North's love for the Black is hollow cant. Rector Wisdom. What good can come of showing that .? THE COMET 163 Gardner. Great good, I fancy, if it wake and disabuse The Black Race of false hope, and urge it on To the development of its own powers, The culmination of its own ideals, — The Star seed sown by God, — the only means By which a tribe can thrive to its perfection. {The Students applaud). Rector Wisdom. Young men, retire. {He goes to the telescope, followed by Gardner whispering). Gardner. How throw away the chance Of stablishing the comet origin Of some of earth's disorders, maybe all ? Phelps. Nothing now left us but philosophy Which, with unbroken smile — you know the rest. — Students. "Meets each and all vicissitudes of life." {The Rector lifts his hand nervously and holds it aloft, without withdrawing his eye from the instrument.) Gardner. The President wants you to wait. {Silence for a few seconds). Rector Wisdom, {with radiant features and in his great joy forgetting the present state of affairs). Look! Look! Gardner. The Comet! i64 THE COMET Rector Wisdom. Look! First magnitude! Gardner, {after observing the comet). Great! Great! Most wonderful in all historic time! Congratulation. {Shakes the Rector's hand). Rector Wisdom, {with effort to remain calm tn the hour of triumph). This pays me for the years That friends have smirked, and those not friends, have smiled, When mentioning new comets in my pres- ence. Fowler. My dear one never saw a comet. Sir, — Will you oblige her ? Rector Wisdom. She may look. Rebecca. How cute! A beauty! Why it wears its tail like bangs! Rector Wisdom. It was the squirrel tail that, curling over The head, obscured the face from me so long. I was correct in every calculation, Except in the position of the tail. Gardner. Eurekians! Salute your President, Whose great discovery will make Eureka, Your Alma Mater, famous for all time. Students, {forming a diamond). Eurek! Eurek! Eureka! Ha! Ha! Ha! THE COMET 165 Eurek! Eurek! Eureka! Ha! Ha! Ha! Eurek! Eurek! Eureka! Ha! Ha! Ha! Gardner. Oh, I could die this moment, such my joy, Such peace mine with myself and all the world, If I were the discoverer, old boy, Of such a comet! Tell me how you feel In this, your hour of triumph. I must know; — 'T is worth recording. Rector Wisdom. Paul! Oh! I could grasp The whole world up and just cry, look! look! look! Phelps. Come fellows! look! the President in- vites. {The students take their turn at the telescope, their sense of humor being subdued by their awe at the great discovery.) Gardner. What will you name it ? Rector Wisdom. I suppose The "Squirrel," Being descriptive. Gardner. No! Call it Eureka. Students. Eureka! Rector Wisdom. Well! Eureka it will be. (The Students applaud.) Gardner. Inform your President that no discourse Of his at Chapel, but will bear large fruit In your careers; that you espouse with zeal i66 THE COMET His inculcation, that the college man Should lead in all the movements of the world And, with his culture, shape the Epoch's course. Students. We pledge our lives, our fortunes and our honor. To that high purpose; we shall do our part. Gardner. Assure your President that you have plucked The hazing habit from the College grounds Forever, and will gladly burn the seed. When you are granted trial by your peers. Students. We so assure him. Gardner, {to Rector Wisdom). How commemorate Your glorious discovery to-night. By act more fit, and one, too, that will show This comet's influence is most benign ? Rector Wisdom. {After hesitation). Young men! Report to-morrow at the Chapel. Gardner. Without exception ? Rector Wisdom. {After a pause). Yes, without exception. Fowler. Will the good Rector now perform the rite ? Rector Wisdom. Now, who are you .? Fowler. Fred Fowler. THE COMET 167 Rector Wisdom. Oh! I now Catch the full purport of your parable! And, truly you have placed me in your debt. A change comes over me. Its suddenness Is not like lightning from the azure sky, But like a flash from clouds, long gathering. You have rid me, Sir, of a load borne long With awful overstrain and inward wince, And oft, scorn of myself. Do I hold fast To all the tenets that my fathers taught ? No!! I have wanted to say this for years, But it, somehow, stuck always in my throat. I thank you for the question, that has drawn The bone out, and let me breathe freely. Gardner, {tearful with emotion). This Is the Discovery worth chronicling! How I congratulate you that, at last, You sight the most resplendant orb in heaven, Which every man discovers for himself, Or, else, goes color-blind through rich- hued life, — The orb of Mental Freedom! Here, two hands, On both your grand discoveries to-night! {Gardner takes the Rector's both hands and shakes them vigorously). Fowler, {escorting Becky and lifting both the pearl and catseye rings). Good Rector, we are ready. i68 THE COMET Rector Wisdom. Sir, ablution Before a rite so sacred. Becky, {to Fowler). I am glad! {The Students spell out the Rector's name, and Merritt jumps to his feet, scattering the maps.) Students. W — I — S — D — O — M. Wis-Dom. {They reiterate " Dom" like the beat of drum, and drag Merritt, the curate, Fred Fowler, and Rebecca into line on their parade of triumph. They march out, followed by the curate who, from his sense of duty to the Rector, must be around to see what is doing. Rector Wisdom goes to the telescope and Gardner approaches Fred and Rebecca.) Gardner. You have not introduced me to your bride. Fowler. Beg pardon. Miss Rebecca Love- hart. Gardner, {in surprise). Lovehart ? Fowler. Yes. Lovehart! Lovehart! Now recant! recant! Recant your heresy within her hearing! "One cannot marry Art and Woman both And hope for heaven on earth." Gardner, {to Rebecca). Oh, yes! Fred can. Fowler. A whitewash now for mine, while you two chat. {Exit). Gardner. Have you lived in Eurekaville ? Rebecca. I think That it was there my mother died. THE COMET 169 Gardner. Long since ? Rebecca. Good many years. All I recall of her Is that her face was white and cold as snow, When I was raised to kiss her, the last one, Before the Sexton shut the coffin lid. Gardner. May I ask, what was her first name ? Rebecca! Naomi. Gardner. No! No! Rebecca, (sighing). I only learned her name to-night. Gardner, (aside). No, not my foolish, yet withal beloved, My dream of rare elysian loveliness That vanished, soon as seen, and left me to stand With vacant vision and a vacant life! Rebecca. Fred, I suppose, told you the cir- cumstances. Gardner, (dazed). He told me something. Rebecca. Such things, are of course. Not of much interest to strangers. Sir. Gardner, (gazing at her). Her mouth, her brow, her dimple, eyes and hair. And the swan-like erectness of her mien. When floating on the quickly rising lake Of admiration, fed by every eye! Oh, my imperious swan, at thought of whom. lyo THE COMET I nightly hailed the stars, in lingering dream: "Bright brood of boundless space! ye that alone Can body forth my pure, eternal love, By reason of your manyness and splendor. Be ye the flock to follow her for aye." Rebecca. Of whom, Sir, are you speaking? Gardner. Oh, of one That, born to grace the smaller lakes of life With her white loveliness, and only them. Became an eagle's mate, and when she lacked Wing strength to soar, drooped, till her long fair neck Sank and grew tangled with the lilies' stems. God! that this should have been. Yet whose the blame? The eagle's surely, for with sight as keen As lightning, and as pervious through all flocks That scud along the heavens, he should have known The swan cannot be other than the swan, A creature of calm water. Still, not blame, But pity is the solvent of the faults And follies of this life. Let it dissolve Mine with the others. Oh, the more I gaze. The more Naomi! She, who, scarce three months After our marriage, left my house, refused THE COMET 171 Again to see me, and, without Court order, Cast off my name. Rebecca. She must have had some reason For such strange conduct. Gardner. Yes, a woman's reason. She thought me mad because of my con- tempt Of little social functions, teas and dances, All well enough for those who can be apes. Rebecca. A woman's reason may not be astray As far as man's, that goes a seeing apes Among his civilized acquaintances. Gardner. "Mad" to surrender to ennobling Art, My brain, heart, soul, day, night, year in, year out. As every artist must, who would not fail; " Mad " to believe a man with eagle wings, Should not be dragged from heaven and darkly cooped In low ambition, where the church, the press. Law, politics, are all one hungry scramble For the earth's vomit, gold! "Mad" to believe A wife should not bear down with her dead weight Upon the husband, but should vault with him Up to the sun, the gathered geyser lights Of all things knowable, or thinkable, 172 THE COMET Smoothed out and rounded to a perfect whole, And be content not with a meaner perch For the survey of life. It was expecting Too much, I know. Oh, could she re- appear — But she does reappear in you, my child! Look in mine eyes, my daughter! Rebecca, {murmuring). Can this be.? Gardner. They are as wild with infant wonderment And baffled understanding, as your own. Life's mysteries make infants of us all. {Goes to caress her). Rebecca, {drawing back). Oh! tell Fred this. 'Till he says it is so, I can't believe it. How could you have been A lifetime learning such a simple thing As that I am your daughter, if I am ? Gardner. — I heard dear, of your birth, and that you lived Only an hour. Believing what I heard, For Pighead, the attorney of your mother, Was my informant, I went West, prospect- ing. Oh, all the gold in Colorado's hills, If it fell crashing, like a cataract. Shaking the world with its increasing thunder. Could not have drawn me, as could have one tress, THE COMET 173 Dear, of your yellow hair, if I had known — {Breaks down). Oh, I shall choke the explanation out Of that vile wretch, before to-morrow noon ! Rebecca. Tell Fred what you tell me; for my poor head Is turning round so fast, it can't stand still To know one thing from another. Fooled for years, I place no faith in any seeming thing. Tell Fred this strange, strange news; his judgment, mine. Gardner. Naomi, but with eagle wings for flight As lofty as her husband's! Oh, God bless The both of you. God bless you both. Fowler, {entering with washed face and joy- ous voice). , Amen! Say, have you gone on with the ceremony Without me ? Is the groom of no account ?. Rebecca, {throwing herself in Fowler's arms). Oh, Fred! Fred! Fred! Thought you would never come. Fowler, {after kissing her). No finer relish, than a loved one's kiss, To give a man an appetite for life. What! a long face, and tears .'' Beck, you are right. Be in the style. What girl can really feel She is a bride, except she wears a face As long and as tear-sprinkled as her veil ? 174 THE COMET Which, by the way, you have not yet, but will To-morrow morning with your whole trous- seau. From Macy, or some other Yankee Worth. Rector Wisdom, {coming from the telescope). Well, — but a moment. Is the bride of age? Fowler. Yes. Rector Wisdom. Let me see her birth certifi- cate. Fowler. We never thought of that. Rector Wisdom. Sir, "never thought" Digs many a grave and fills almshouses. Gardner. Is the certificate an absolute need, Rector.? Rector Wisdom. Well, yes, it is. The girl is very young. And, as you see, below the average In intellect and sense. Fowler. Off track, old man! — Mean Rector. Rector Wisdom. Judging, too, from her changed looks, I fancy that she has begun already To realize that haste in matrimony, Is fraught with peril. Rebecca. Oh! not that, not that The cause of my unrest and growing chill! Rector Wisdom. Besides, I think 't is time we ministers, THE COMET 175 Who cry against divorce and raise our hands In horror at its awful inundations With wrecks of homes, as far as eye can reach, Should stop the flow of evil at its source. The overhaste of youth; that we should save Young people from the worst of foes — themselves — Where possible. I, certainly, must have Her birth certificate, or, else, the proof Of the consent of either of her parents. Have you the proof of such consent ? Fowler, {glumly). No. Gardner. Yes. Her only living parent gives consent. Rector Wisdom In writing ? Gardner. No, in person, I am he. This is a night of great discoveries; The Comet, Rector, yours; a daughter, mine. There is a Power, that in mysterious ways. Shapes happiness for every human heart; And, if it clap rough hands across our eyes, Blindfold us for awhile, 't is but to turn Us round, at moments when we least ex- pect. To show its face of love and see us smile. {The Rector and Fowler, astounded, stare at Gardner, and Rebecca fixes her eyes on her lover's features for confirmation of her father's discov- ery). {The Students outside are heard shouting the 176 THE COMET College cry, Frank Merrttt's voice being the highest in pitch. The College bell is set tolling in welcome alike of the new comet and the new Era for Eureka.^ JAN 19 m^ Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process. Neutralizing agent: IVIagnesium Oxide Treatment Date: Sept. 2009 PreservationTechnologies A WORLD LEADER IN COLLECTIONS PRESERVATION 111 Thomson Park Drive Cranberry Township, PA 16066 (724)779-2111