French's International Copyrighted (in England, her Colonies, and 
 the United States) Edition of the Works of the Best Author 
 
 THE BLUFFERS, 
 
 OR 
 
 DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 B Gome&e in Gwo Hcta 
 Adapted from the Fbench 
 
 by 
 
 R. M. GEORGE 
 
 Copyright, 1912, by Samuel French 
 
 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 
 
 New York 
 SAMUEL FRENCH 
 
 PUBLISHER 
 
 28-30 WEST 38th STREET 
 
 London 
 
 SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 
 
 26 Southampton Street 
 
 STRAND 
 
THE BLUFFERS, 
 
 OR 
 DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 B GomeDE Cn Zwo Bets 
 
 Adapted from the French 
 
 R. M. GEORGE 
 
 Copyright, 1912, by Samuel French 
 
 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 
 
 New York 
 SAMUEL FRENCH 
 
 PUBLISHER 
 
 28-30 WEST 38th Street 
 
 London 
 SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 
 
 26 Southampton Street 
 STRAND 
 
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 n 
 
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 TMPS2-009305 
 ©CI.D 31432 
 
THE BLUFFERS; 
 
 OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 CAST. 
 
 M. Malingear Doctor 
 
 Mme. Malingear 
 
 Emmeline Their daughter 
 
 Sophie Their cook 
 
 Alexandrine Their maid 
 
 Upholsterer Their " little seventeen " 
 
 Footman Their neighbor's 
 
 M. Ratinois Confectioner, retired 
 
 Mme. Ratinois 
 
 Frederick Their son 
 
 Robert Their uncle 
 
 Josephine Their maid 
 
 Footman Their neighbor's 
 
 Chef From Chev&t's 
 
 A NEGRO BOY IN LIVERY 
 
 SCENES. 
 
 First : — Home of Malingear. On the Pare du Petit 
 Bonnet-Rouge. A May morning. 
 
 Second: — Home of Ratinois, near the Pare de la 
 Tulipe-Noire. A June evening. 
 
 Costumes. — (Those not specified are conventional.) 
 
 3 
 
4 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 M. Malingear. Pompous man of middle age, 
 grey hair combed back, ruddy cheeks, comfortable 
 paunch, In first act, cutaway coat, white or fancy 
 waistcoat, full striped trousers, light grey spats, cane, 
 gloves, derby hat. He carries a medicine chest. 
 Second act, same with black frock coat very full- 
 skirted, high hat, gold-headed cane. 
 
 Mme. Malingear. First act, comfortable morn- 
 ing dress, garden hat. Second act, evening dress, 
 strikingly trimmed with gold. 
 
 M. Ratinois. First act, cutaway coat, light waist- 
 coat, striped or checked trousers, spats, high hat or 
 derby, light grey, dark tie (first entrance) large white 
 tie (second entrance) . Second act, long brown house- 
 coat, small brown skull cap with tassel; changes to 
 frock coat. 
 
 Mme. Ratinois. First act, smart street costume, 
 reticule, lorgnette. Second act, pretty house gown; 
 changes to evening gown with train, over-trimmed 
 with striking colors. 
 
 Robert. Corduroy coat with belt, black leather 
 leggings, long military cape with brilliant lining, 
 wide black soft hat, all old but comfortable. Tor- 
 toise-shell spectacles with heavy rims. 
 
THE BLUFFERS; 
 
 OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 Scene : — Malingear's home, living room. Entrance 
 front — R. leads to kitchen and bach of house; 
 entrance L. opens into waiting room and leads to 
 street; entrance u. R., a latticed door leading into 
 garden and showing vine-covered trellis in sun- 
 light without. The room is furnished simply. 
 u. L., piano with a landscape in oils over or near 
 it. Small saving table down right. Extreme 
 front right, desk with doctor's diploma hanging 
 over it. The curtain rises on an empty stage. 
 A bird is singing in the sun-lighted trellis seen 
 through the lattice door, u. R. 
 
 (Enter Madame Malingear, a pretty woman of near 
 forty, from the kitchen, R. She comes in 
 quickly, crosses to lattice door and throws it 
 open. The bird stops singing. Mme. Mal- 
 ingear goes to piano, takes her work-bag and 
 crosses toward sewing table, near c. Her actions 
 indicate that she is a positive woman and that 
 she has just settled a little matter in the kitchen. 
 She pauses at the sound of a rattle of dishes of 
 stage, then sits and begins sewing, right of 
 table.) 
 
 (Enter Sophie, a very independent cook and general 
 
 5 
 
6 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 servant. She comes in R., stumps across bach of 
 Mme. Malingear and takes her position left of 
 table before speaking.) 
 
 Sophie. Then I'll not get the fish, madame? 
 
 Madame M. (evidently weary of this discussion) 
 No — I'm sure the doctor has no money to spend for 
 extras. And be sure the round steak is nice and 
 tender. 
 
 Sophie. And for vegetables? (tauntingly) 
 Spring peas are in market now. 
 
 Madame M. (trying to face her down) You ought 
 to know by this time that such early ones have no 
 taste. Get a cabbage for stuffing. 
 
 Sophie. Just like last week — (sneering) 
 
 Madame M. (doggedly) Yes 
 
 Sophie. And the week before 
 
 Madame M. Sophie! (after an eloquent pause) 
 When you come back from market, bring me your 
 account book. I'll check it up. 
 
 Sophie, (flippantly) All right, madame. (Exit 
 
 E.) 
 
 (Enter Malingear, l. He is carrying a little 
 medicine chest which he places on the desk at 
 extreme front R., crossing quickly.) 
 
 Malingear. Hello, there ! Don't get up, wifey — 
 it's only me. 
 
 Madame M. (surprised) Well, I didn't hear you 
 go out? Where have you been. 
 
 Malingear. (in grandiose manner) 0, I've just 
 been out seeing my patients. 
 
 Madame M. (scoffing) Your patients ! Don't try 
 to tell me. The only patients you have are the 
 people who get hurt in front of your own door and 
 can't get away from you. Patients? You! The 
 idea! 
 
 Malingear. (sitting down triumphantly) Don't 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 7 
 
 believe me, do you? Well, this morning about six 
 o'clock some one came for me. I was here — they 
 called — I went. I have a patient. 
 
 Madam M. He must be a foreigner. 
 
 Malingear. No. He's a Frenchman. 
 
 Madam M. Well, this is the first time in two years 
 that anyone has thought of disturbing you. 
 
 Malingear. (proudly, rising and strutting across 
 stage) Hem! I'm getting started. 
 
 (Sophie enters R., bonnet and sliaivl on, carrying 
 market basket. She crosses after Malingear 
 and goes out L. with her nose in the air.) 
 
 Madame M. (scornfully) Getting started? 
 Well, at fifty-four, it's high time you were. Now, 
 you listen to me. It's diplomacy you need. You 
 have the most ludicrous conception of your profes- 
 sion 
 
 Malingear. (taking a step toward her) What! 
 
 Madame M. Whenever, by chance, heaven sends 
 you a patient, you begin by reassuring him. You tell 
 him : " It's nothing at all. It's only a matter of a 
 few days." 
 
 (He crosses slowly, rubbing his chin; then suddenly 
 confronts her as though about to settle her argu- 
 ment, but ends in a weak sputter. This indi- 
 cates his manner throughout the play.) 
 
 Malingear. (sputtering) Why should I frighten 
 him. 
 
 Madame M. If you do it your way, it always seems 
 that you have cured only a trifle — a chilblain. I 
 know how some of your colleagues do — real doctors. 
 (he sits abruptly) When they approach a patient, 
 they don't just say : " It's merely a matter of two 
 days ! " They immediately tell him : " This will be 
 long (imitating grave manner) very long" — and 
 
8 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 then they proceed to call in some one else in consul- 
 tation. 
 
 Malingeae. What do they gain by that ? 
 
 Madame M. It is a courtesy which the colleague 
 is eager to return the next week — and that is the 
 way to start a practice. 
 
 Malingear. (rising) Not for mine, (crosses l.) 
 
 Madame M. You with your good nature have lost 
 all your patients little by little. There was only one 
 left to you — the last — a fine man 
 
 Malingear. (ruminating) Ah! Monsieur 
 Dubourg — our neighbor, yes. 
 
 Madame M. He had swallowed a needle without 
 suspecting it. You treated him for two weeks — very 
 good — That was progress. But one fine day you had 
 the foolishness to say to him : " My dear Monsieur 
 Dubourg, I don't understand your sickness at all." 
 
 Malingear. (first angrily, then helplessly sput- 
 tering) Well — and when one does not under- 
 stand 
 
 Madame M. (in confidential manner, leaning 
 forward) When one does not understand, one says: 
 " It's appendicitis." Oh, if only I were a doctor. 
 
 Malingear. (crossing r., bach of her, and putting 
 up hat and gloves) What a quack you would be ! 
 
 Madame M. (sighing) Happily Providence has 
 given us twenty-two thousand francs' income from my 
 dowry and we don't have to depend upon your prac- 
 tice for our daily bread. — But what did you say was 
 the name of this person who came for you this 
 morning ? 
 
 Malingear. (a little embarrassed) It was — it 
 was a young man 
 
 Madame M. Belonging to a good family ? 
 
 Malingear. Yes — (hesitating) he belongs to a 
 good family. 
 
 (Alexandrine enters l., three letters on tray.) 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 9 
 
 Alexandrine. Good morning madame; good- 
 day, Monsieur. The morning letters, Monsieur. 
 Madame M. I'll take them. 
 
 (Alexandrine exchanges glances with the Doctor. 
 Then gives letters to Madame M, and qoes out 
 L.) 
 
 Malingear. (timidly) I thought, perhaps — 
 perhaps there was 
 
 Madame M. Yes, there is — (with meaning) And 
 there's money in it. 
 
 Malingear. Oh, no, no 
 
 Madame M. Money, I say. Malingear — You have 
 been borrowing money. 
 
 Malingear. dear no — no, love — here, take 
 it — it's the four thousand francs, (while protesting 
 that there -is no money he opens the envelope and 
 takes out the notes) 
 
 Madame M. And for what? 
 
 Malingear. Did you not have the parlor furniture 
 done over ? Did I not say, " That is very nice." 
 But the upholsterer is going to come to collect his 
 bill to-day. (she takes the money, puts it in the 
 drawer and then turns facing him) Now love 
 
 Madame M. This patient — who is he. (she rises 
 and faces him) 
 
 Malingear. (crossing from corner front r. to 
 position up) How curious . you are! He is a 
 coachman 
 
 Madame M. (mi disgust) A coachman? 
 
 Malingear. But he belongs to a good family — 
 he was kicked by a horse. 
 
 Madame M. Kicked by a horse! O-oh! 
 
 Malingear. It was a carriage horse, my love. 
 
 Madame M. A coachman ! Congratulations ! To- 
 morrow they will want you for the horse. 
 
 Malingear. Hm ! Joke as much as you like. I 
 
10 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 am mighty glad I took care of the poor fellow ; while 
 talking to him I learned something. 
 
 Madame M. What, (seeing from his manner 
 what it is) What sort of thing. 
 
 Malingear. People are gossiping about us. 
 
 Madame M. About us? (crosses quickly to him) 
 What could they say? 
 
 Malingear. Kot about us, (pause — Impatience 
 on part of wife) but about this young man who 
 comes to practice music every day with our daughter. 
 
 Madame M. (surprised, looking about) Monsieur 
 Frederick? — whom we met last summer at the sea 
 shore ? 
 
 Malingear. They say he is a suitor for our daugh- 
 ter Emmeline. Last evening in the janitor's quarters 
 they even fixed the date of the marriage. 
 
 Madame M. Ah! Dear me! (worried) 
 
 Malingear. You see sometimes it's good policy 
 to doctor coachmen. 
 
 Madame M. What can we do? 
 
 Malingear. We must cut to the bottom, (ivith 
 determination. Striking full armed into hand), of it. 
 Certainly Frederick is very nice, very affable — and 
 all that 
 
 Madame M. He is charming? (positively) 
 
 Malingear. And it's very decent of him to come 
 and tickle our piano keys seven times a week. But 
 he must explain himself, (hands snap) It is time, 
 — high time! Brrr! (business with coat collar) 
 
 Madame M. What? 
 
 Malingear. Emmeline is sad — she doesn't eat 
 enough now-a-days. 
 
 Madame M. I wonder if I ought to get the doc- 
 tor, (pondering r.) 
 
 (Business with chain.) 
 Malingear. The doctor? Well, I like that! 
 What about me ? 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 11 
 
 Madame M. Ah, yes! That's right, (aside) 
 
 He's hopeless A doctor should never practice on 
 
 his own family 
 
 Malingear. Yesterday while Monsieur was sing- 
 ing a duet with her, I (following r.) intercepted 
 some looks — v-e-r-y loving! 
 
 Madame M. (sitting down and smoothing out her 
 dress with air of satisfaction by deslc r.) I admit 
 I have thought of him for Emmeline. 
 
 Malingear. How funny — same here. This young 
 man pleases me very much and if he is of a good 
 family (across table, knee on chair R. c.) 
 
 Madame M. But he doesn't announce his inten- 
 tions. 
 
 Malingear. (crosses and poses l. of c.) Be tran- 
 quil! (looking at watch) It's time for him now. 
 If you watch — You will see him coming soon with his 
 little music roll under his arm. (perceiving Freder- 
 ick) There he is ! 
 
 (Business of playing on piano keys.) 
 
 (Enter Frederick center with music roll under 
 arm.) 
 
 Frederick. ( bowing ) Madame. — Monsieur 
 Malingear. (Frederick c.) 
 
 Malingear. (bowing) Monsieur Frederick. 
 
 Frederick. Howidp you do, this morning? 
 
 Madame M. Very well, thank you. 
 
 Malingear. Couldn't be better. 
 
 Madame M. (low) Speak to him. 
 
 Malingear. (low to his wife — sitting on table 
 c.) Yes, as soon as I get a good chance. 
 
 Frederick. I don't see Mademoiselle Emmeline. 
 Can she be ill? 
 
 Malingear. No — but 
 
 Frederick, (opening music roll, at piano l. put- 
 ting up hat and cane) I have brought her a new 
 
12 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 ballad — a charming title 1 — "The Last Farewell 
 Kiss." 
 
 Madame M. (coughing) Hum. 
 
 Malingeab. (to his wife) Yes. (aloud) Mon- 
 sieur Frederick, you are a fine young man, and you 
 won't object to what we ask, — my wife and I — a five 
 minutes' interview? (c. lie crosses and takes small 
 chair from wall l., setting it out U. L. c.) 
 
 Frederick. With mc ! (at a sign from Malin- 
 gear he sits down) 
 
 Malingear. Monsieur Frederick, you have too 
 much good sense to not understand that your constant 
 visits at a house 
 
 Emmeline. (entering from the right. She is a 
 sweet Utile girl with high voice) Good morning, 
 Papa! 
 
 Malingear. (loiv) Sh — my daughter. 
 
 (Frederick rises.) 
 
 Madame M. (she turns still seated) Weren't 
 you saying, Monsieur, that this ballad was all the 
 rage ? 
 
 Malingear. Who is the composer? 
 
 Frederick, (unrolling the piece) It's by a 
 Swede. 
 
 Emmeline. Oh, — What's the name of it. 
 
 Frederick, (showing it) "The Last Farewell 
 Kiss." 
 
 (Business — all together at c. Each one takes the 
 music in turn, from his neighbor to the left. It 
 passes down the line quickly from Frederick to 
 Madame Malingear who throws it on chair 
 right. Emmeline is alone now at c.) 
 Malingear. (quickly taking it from Frederick he 
 
 goes up) Of a mother 
 
 Madame M. (the same) to her son leaving for 
 the war. 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 13 
 
 Emmeline. (c.) Oh! what a long title? 
 
 Madame M. Emmeline, {pause — Emmeline is 
 tivo steps nearer door c.) I have left my thread on 
 the table in the sewing room, — go get it for me, 
 Emmeline ! 
 
 (Emmeline pauses to look at Frederick.) 
 Emmeline. Yes, mother, (she leaves l.) 
 (Frederick sits down again.) 
 
 Malingear. (to Frederick — coming down 
 abruptly) I was telling you that your constant visits 
 to a house where theTe is a young daughter may seem 
 strange to certain people. — And just this morning one 
 of my patients a — a 
 
 Madame M. (quickly) A banker. 
 
 Frederick, (high note, offended) But, Mon- 
 sieur, I am sure my conduct has always been 
 
 Malingear, Perfect — I know it — But you know 
 the world is quick to misinterpret 
 
 Emmeline. (re-entering) Here's your thread, 
 mother, (she drops it over her mother's shoulder 
 into her lap, and is about to sit down when she dis- 
 covers the music. Before she can read the title her 
 mother gets it from her.) 
 
 (Frederick rises, Malingear takes music, puts 
 under arm.) 
 
 Malingear. (changing his tone) That's a very 
 pretty subject for a ballad — this mother kissing her 
 son — whom she may never see again — good bye. 
 
 They walk up, Malingear engaging him.) 
 
 Madame M. It's beautiful. 
 
 Malingear. (c. — Frederick l.) Pretty enough 
 to be painted, (engages Frederick l.) 
 
 Madame M. Emmeline, I have broken my em- 
 broidery needle, see if you can find me another. 
 
14 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Emmeline. Yes, mother, (aside) That's twice 
 she's sent me away, (her father looks over his shoul- 
 der at her) Oh ! there must be something up. (she 
 disappears R. Frederick sits down) 
 
 Malingear. I was saying to you that the world is 
 quick to misinterpret, (stopping business of " kissing 
 boy farewell" and throwing music on piano) the 
 most natural acts, the most innocent — but it is 
 the duty of a father to have these vague rumors cut 
 short by a clear frank explanation, (crosses c.) 
 
 Madame M. (loiv to Malingear) Fine! 
 
 Malingear. We expect only a straightforward 
 answer from you. (sits on table) 
 
 Frederick, (rising) Let me thank you, first of 
 all, Monsieur Malingear for having placed the matter 
 on grounds which uncertainty alone prevented me 
 from entering. I feel no embarrassment now in tell- 
 ing you that I love Mile. Emmeline, and that the 
 happiest of my dreams would be to win her hand. 
 
 Madame M. (aside) I suspicioned it. 
 
 Malingear. (rising relieved) Well, that's clear ! 
 May I ask a few questions, now? 
 
 (Crosses R. and sits in chair.) 
 
 Frederick. About my family? About my pro- 
 fession? Quite willingly. I am a lawyer, (left of 
 c table, sits positively) 
 
 Malingear. (astonished) Eh! What! Excuse 
 my astonishment but during the two months it has 
 been my pleasure to know you, you have always been 
 beating my piano. 
 
 Frederick. I'm a lawyer, all right. 
 
 Malingear. Practising ? 
 
 Frederick. No — but I'm beginning. I have few 
 clients as yet. 
 
 Malingear. (sympathetically, extending hand 
 along table and patting boy's hand) I can under- 
 stand that. I think none the worse of you for it. 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 15 
 
 (Mme. Malingear examines music on piano.) 
 
 Frederick. As for the rest, my position is inde- 
 pendent. My father, a former merchant, has retired 
 from business with a comfortable fortune. — I am 
 an only son. 
 
 Madame M. (aside, satisfied. Clasping her hands 
 u. R. looking for Emmeline) Ah! 
 
 Frederick, (rising) The fact is I have not 
 thought it right to hide from my parents the love 
 I have for Mile. Emmeline, and I hope that before 
 long my father and mother will make you a visit 
 which will put a stop to all misinterpretations. 
 (crosses l. as Mme. Malingear comes down toward 
 her husband) 
 
 Madame M. (loiv to husband) He speaks so con- 
 vincingly, (she sits at his right) 
 
 Malingear. (to wife r.) He's a lawyer, (to 
 Frederick l.) Monsieur Frederick, Madame Malin- 
 gear and I shall look forward with very great pleas- 
 ure to the visit of which you speak. 
 
 Frederick. Ah ! Monsieur. 
 
 Malingear. (repelling him) But, till then, we 
 must ask you as a favor to suspend your visits. 
 (passes him and quickly brings hat and cane) 
 
 Frederick, (astonished) What! (appeals to 
 both — first M. then Mme.) 
 
 Madame M. (rising) For appearances, Mon- 
 sieur Frederick, for appearances ! 
 
 Malingear. (claps hat on Frederick's head) You 
 will return in a few days — officially — Wait a minute, 
 here is your music, (hands him music roll which he 
 has put on piano) 
 
 Frederick. Very well, since you demand it. But 
 what shall I do in the meantime ? 
 
 Malingear. Look around the law courts a little. 
 That will distract you. 
 
 Frederick. Oh ! not the courts ! Oh, I don't 
 
16 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 know what I shall do. (down by footlights waving 
 coat tails l. or to M. R. c.) 
 
 Malingear. (aside) What if he should become 
 district attorney! Wouldn't it be fine to be the 
 father-in-law of the district attorney ! 
 
 Frederick, (c. — Then advancing toward Mal- 
 ingear in leaving) Please tell Mile. Emmeline 
 that — (shouting) I love her, I adore her — I live for 
 her alone and while there is breath is my body, I 
 
 Malingear. (hastily, accompanying him to door 
 L., although he had started him up) Yes ! — Yes 1 
 Not so loud, (they leave L.) 
 
 (Emmeline half in r.) 
 
 Madame M. He is a fine young man. (looking 
 
 QffL.) 
 
 Emmeline. (entering r.) Oh, yes, indeed he is 
 a fine young man, and I'm certain to be happy with 
 him. 
 
 Madame M. (astonished) What ! What are you 
 saying there? how do you know? 
 
 Emmeline. (confused — coming down) I over- 
 heard a little. I really didn't mean to, mother. 
 When I was looking for your needle which had 
 dropped near the door 
 
 Madam M. Looking for my needle ! Don't you 
 know it's wicked to listen at keyholes ? 
 
 Emmeline. Oh, please don't scold me ! I will tell 
 you a secret, (they walk together to chair) 
 
 Madame M. (pleased but suspicious) A secret? 
 
 Emmeline. Yesterday when you left the room to 
 scold Sophie for breaking that cut glass dish, 
 Frederick told me his mother was going to come here 
 to-day. 
 
 Madame M. (excited) To-day? 
 
 Emmeline. Yes, she's going to pretend she has 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 17 
 
 come to talk about the 4th floor apartment. She 
 wants to see us before they make the demand. 
 
 Madame M. (matter of fact tone) Thank good- 
 ness the parlor s done ! 
 
 Emmeline. And the Father, Monsieur Ratinois 
 is going to come to consult Papa. 
 
 Madame M. (suspicious) Is he sick? 
 
 Emmeline. No indeed! Just a pretext to meet 
 us. Now don't you tell — not a soul. It's a secret. 
 (goes to looking glass R., humming lightly) 
 
 Madame M. Don't worry. 
 
 Malingear. (entering l.) Charming fellow! 
 Lots in him ! 
 
 Madame M. (low to husband) Malingear. 
 (crosses to him l. they come r. together with exag- 
 gerated air of consultation) 
 
 Malingear. What ? 
 
 Madame M. (low) Don't repeat this — It's a 
 secret. Madame Ratinois is coming this morning 
 under the pretext of talking about the 4th floor apart- 
 ment. 
 
 Malingear. The dev — ! I mean the deuce! 
 
 Madam M. That's better ! Her husband is coming 
 too — to consult you. 
 
 Malingear. Hm! Then it's the interview. 
 (attitude — hands in pockets) 
 
 Madame M. They want to know us before going 
 further. It's quite natural. 
 
 Alexandrine, (entering l. Madame, there is a 
 lady who wishes to speak to you about the 4th floor 
 apartment. 
 
 (All are front r. They turn with exaggerated ana- 
 mination.) 
 
 Madame M. It's she ! "1 
 
 Malingear. It's her ! V (They scatter.) 
 
 Emmeline. Oh, joy! J 
 
18 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 (Alexandrine starts out.) 
 
 Madame M. (excitedly) Wait! (to Alexan- 
 drine) Quick ! my hat with the flowers ! My even- 
 ing hat ! 
 
 Alexandrine. One second ! ( disappears a., walks 
 lopsided) 
 
 Madame M. (to Emmeline) Take off that apron. 
 Heavens ! how sloppy your hair looks. I'm going to 
 do it over for you. 
 
 Malingear. (aside, astonished, l.) What the 
 devil's gotten into her. 
 
 Alexandrine, (entering. Business of catching 
 a moth miller) Here's the hat. 
 
 Madame M. (sitting) Put it on me. You see 
 how busy I am. (Alexandrine puts hat on mistress' 
 head while she fixes her daughter's hair, who is on her 
 knees before her. To Alexandrine) Further 
 back. 
 
 Madame M. (to Malingear) Malingear, a pin! 
 
 Emmeline. (shaking her hands) Papa, a pin! 
 
 Madame M. Hurry up. 
 
 Malingear. (takes pin from lapel of coat and 
 brings it over) There. 
 
 Madame M. (finished) There! Bring her in. 
 (Alexandrine leaves R. Low to husband) Mind 
 now, don't use any slang before this lady. 
 
 Malingear. Why ? 
 
 Madame M. (disguste d) Oh! It's common, — it's 
 vulgar! (to her daughter) Emmeline, go to the 
 piano, head back and sing some runs, (goes with her 
 to piano) 
 
 Emmeline. (at piano) Some runs? 
 
 Madame M. Go ahead! 
 
 (Emmeline sings runs. Madame M. composes her- 
 self in armchair — embroidery in her hand. 
 Steps heard outside and Madame Ratinois 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 19 
 
 enters l. First begins to pull off gloves with 
 elaborate laziness. Alexandrine brings her in 
 and goes out l.) 
 
 Madame M. (smoothly to Emmeline) Enough, 
 my child, we have a visitor, (she rises) 
 
 Madame R. I beg a thousand pardons. I fear I 
 have come at an inconvenient time. Is it to Monsieur 
 — the Doctor Malingear that I have the honor of 
 speaking ? 
 
 Malingear. (bowing. Goes up) Yes, Madame. 
 
 Madame R. I have come to look at the 4th floor 
 apartment. 
 
 Madame M. Be so good as to have a chair, (c. 
 Takes off her hat and lays it with elaborate care under 
 Mme. R's nose) 
 
 Madame R. (she and Madame M. and Mme. R. 
 — center) You are too kind, Madame. I'm afraid 
 I've come at a bad time. I have interrupted Made- 
 moiselle, (turning) 
 
 Emmeline. (deprecatingly) Oh! Madame! 
 
 Madame R. (to Madame M.) Mademoiselle is 
 your daughter? 
 
 Madame M. Yes, Madame. 
 
 Madame R. (aside) Frederick was right. She is 
 very nice looking, (sits down) I see Mademoiselle 
 is a musician. 
 
 Madame M. A pupil of Caruso's. 
 
 Malingear. (astonished) Hein! 
 
 Madame R. Ah ! Caruso is her teacher ? 
 
 Madame M. We are just waiting for him. — Wait- 
 ing, only waiting. 
 
 Malingear. (to wife) Waiting, only — wai — say, 
 what tune's this you're singing ? 
 
 Madame M. (quickly) A piece from Carmen. 
 (to Madame R.) My husband asked my daughter 
 what she was singing. It's a piece from Carmen. 
 
20 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 (she motions to Malingeae, who sits down at l. He 
 crosses l. and sits) 
 
 Madame R. (aside) This house is on an expensive 
 scale. It's much better than ours. 
 
 Madame M. I believe in having only the best 
 masters. So when Emmeline commenced paint- 
 ing- 
 
 Madame R. (to Malingeae) Ah! Mademoiselle 
 paints also? 
 
 Malingeae. (embarrassed) Yes. — So it seems. 
 Oh! ask my wife, (rises and goes up) 
 
 Madame M. (showing a picture hung on the wall 
 E. ) What do you think of this little landscape ? 
 
 Madame R. (rising) An oil painting ! 
 
 Madame M. (rising) She amuses herself daubing 
 at things like that. 
 
 Malingeae. (aside) Now, isn't that just a little 
 bit too much ! 
 
 Emmeline (aside) How in the world did mother 
 get these ideas into her head! (rises and crosses 
 toward father u. e.) 
 
 Madame R. (examining picture) So life-like! so 
 fresh ! You'd think this had been done by a master ! 
 
 Malingeae. (aside) Well, I guess yes ! That's a 
 Lambinet and only cost me two thousand francs ! 
 
 Madame R. Very beautiful, very finely educated ! 
 And the apartment — is it empty? (they sit down, 
 Mme. R. l., Mme. M. it. e.) 
 
 Madame M. It will be rented by the quarter. 
 Monsieur Malingear will have it decorated, (to her 
 husband) Isn't that your plan, my dear? 
 
 Malingeae. (angrily) The idea!! (suddenly re- 
 membering and calming self) The idea which the 
 architect submitted is a good one and I shall carry it 
 out. (crosses toward Mme. R. Pidls c. chair further 
 bach) 
 
 Madame M. Don't forget that small drawing 
 room. It's in pretty bad condition. 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 21 
 
 Malingear. You shall choose the furnishings 
 yourself, (to Mme. E. Then passes Emmeline, 
 motions her wamingly with finger) 
 
 Emmeline. {astonished, aside) You, too! Are 
 father and mother both mad? 
 
 Madame R. And what will the rent be ? 
 
 Malingear. Four thousand francs, (u. R.) 
 
 Alexandrine, {entering L., very astonished) 
 Monsieur ! why — why there's a gentleman here to see 
 you and he's a patient, too. {aside) Oh, Pm so 
 excited ! 
 
 Malingear, Madame M. and Emmeline. Aside. 
 They take a step toward each other) The Father. 
 {they rise. Madame R., snspicous, goes up, then 
 returns c. and sits down) 
 
 Madame M. (recovering herself) A patient! 
 Well, what's there so extraordinary about that ? 
 
 Alexandrine. Holy Gee! it's the first time 
 
 Madame M. (quickly) That this gentleman has 
 been here? (she sits down with deliberation) Very 
 good, but let him wait his turn. He can't get in 
 ahead of the people who are waiting, (writing on 
 paper at desk and giving it to Alexandrine) Give 
 him this number — number sixteen. (Alexandrine 
 leaves. Madame R. looks satisfied. Sits a little back 
 of Mme. M., who rattles on) 
 
 Malingear. (aside, proudly) Hasn't that wife of 
 mine the brains, though? (u. R. then front L., fuss- 
 ing intentionally with watch chain) 
 
 Madame R. What a practice! 
 
 Madame M. My husband hasn't a minute to him- 
 self. In the morning he has his operations at the 
 hospital, — he returns at noon. He almost always 
 eats standing — Then the office hours begin and that 
 keeps him busy till three o'clock 
 
 Malingear. But, my dear wife- 
 
 Madame M. (interrupting) I tell you, you will 
 
22 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 kill yourself ! After that come the calls to the four 
 corners of Paris.— Finally, in the evening he returns, 
 tired, worn out — Do you think he rests himself? 
 Not he! He writes away at his great work which 
 will be read at the open meeting of the Academy of 
 Medicine. They are awaiting it. 
 
 Malingear. (protesting) But, my wife 
 
 Madame M. (quickly) Let them wait for it! My 
 dear, you are not at the orders of these gentlemen. 
 (confidentially to Madame R.) It's a paper on the 
 thoracical affections. Magnificent subject. 
 
 Malingear. (aside) She should have married 
 a painless dentist — not me! 
 
 Madame R. (to Malingear) What a life! and 
 don't you take any recreation? 
 
 Malingear. (uncomfortably. Still standing up) 
 Oh, my wife exaggerates. 
 
 Madame M. (breaking in on him) Twice a week 
 — in the winter — we give a tea to our friends. 
 
 Malingear. (aside) Fine! (crosses front R.) 
 Dinner parties and theater parties next! 
 
 Madame M. Tuesdays and Saturdays we have 
 music. We receive the principal artists in Paris. 
 My husband looks out for their health — free of charge 
 — You understand? 
 
 Madame R. What ! for nothing ! 
 
 Madame M. (apologetically) Oh — artists. But 
 these gentlemen regard it a pleasure — I may even say 
 a duty to frequent my drawing room. Really, they 
 are very nice people, very nice ! 
 
 Malingear. (aside, disgusted) Oh. Fiddle-dee- 
 dee! 
 
 Emmeline. 
 Mme. E. 
 Mme. M. 
 
 Malingear. 
 Madame M. I certainly hope, madame, that if 
 
THE BLUFEERS J OR DUST IN THE EYES 23 
 
 you locate here, you will do us the honor of being 
 present at our little parties. 
 
 Malingear. (aside) She's inviting her! 
 
 Madame R. (rising) What! Madame. You are 
 a thousand times too kind, (turns about with 
 lorgnette) 
 
 Madame M. You are leaving, madame? 
 
 Madame R. Yes, but I hope to return soon! 
 I should be very happy, believe me, to have regular 
 intercourse — more intimate — with a family as dis- 
 tinguished, as respectable, — as yours, (u. r.) 
 
 Madame M. (bowing) Madame, (calling r.) 
 Baptiste ! Baptiste ! 
 
 Malingear. (aside) Baptiste? Who the deuce is 
 Baptiste ? 
 
 Madame M. (to husband) Have you sent the 
 valet on .an errand? 
 
 Malingear. (astonished) The valet ! Me ! No ! 
 (aside) We never even had a male servant, (front 
 l. — then u. l.) 
 
 Madame M. These people are never around when 
 one wants them. (calling) Alexandrine! Alex- 
 andrine! (to Madame r.) I beg a thousand 
 pardons, madame. (Alexandrine appears l.) 
 Escort madame to the door. 
 
 Madame R. (crossing from u. r.) Madame, — 
 Monsieur, — Mademoiselle, (ceremonious exit u. l. 
 Malingear bowing profusely u. l.) 
 
 Malingear. Thank goodness she's gone at last! 
 (comes up stage) 
 
 Emmeline. But mother, — why — what — explain 
 — all this 
 
 Madame M. Now, you can put on your apron 
 a<rain and finish your sewing. Go, my child. (Mme. 
 sits down again front r.) 
 
 Emmeline. Yes, mother. But I never made an 
 oil painting in my life ! (leaves R.) 
 
24 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Malingear. Ah! come now! I haven't any sew- 
 ing to -finish so I hope you will explain 
 
 Madame M. What do yon mean ? 
 
 Malingear. Why these — why all this batch of 
 lies? Why in heaven did you tell this lady that 
 Caruso was your daughter's teacher? Why we've 
 never even seen him! (sits c.) 
 
 Madame M. Should we announce her then as a 
 pupil of Monsieur Dumb-brute-sky? The illustrious 
 Professor Know-nothing ? 
 
 Malingear. You didn't need to name her profes- 
 sor. That's like this picture that you said Emmeline 
 painted. 
 
 Madame M. Well, what of it? 
 
 Malingear. But it's a Lambinet! 
 
 Madame M. It isn't signed, though. 
 
 Malingear. Oh ! that's a fine reason ! And pray 
 what will Emmeline say when after a few months of 
 married life someone says to her " Make me a pretty 
 landscape like that one over there — with cows in 
 it?" What will she reply? (drawing cow with cane 
 in the air) 
 
 Madame M. That's quite simple. As a rule, from 
 the time young girls get married they neglect the 
 fine arts. Emmeline will say that the colors irritate 
 her and she will renounce painting. That's all. 
 
 Malingear. That's all! And me! How about 
 my great work on the " Thoracical Affections ? " 
 
 Madame M. Oh you can say that it's at the 
 printers — And that the first printing shop which 
 burns down is 
 
 Malingear. And this immense practice which you 
 have so kindly donated me? 
 
 Madame M. (sarcastically) I was wrong. The 
 first time this lady calls on us, I will reveal things 
 in their true light. I will say : " Madame, I present 
 to you monsieur the doctor Malingear — a dry fruit 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 25 
 
 of the Medical School. He only treats coachmen 
 free of charge! Mile. Malingear — she knows her 
 three R's. Madame Malingear — who makes her own 
 dresses and tenderly patches her husband's trousers! 
 
 Malingear. It's no use to enter into these details 
 and still more useless to string off all these lies. Do 
 you want me to tell you what I call this conduct? 
 (important) It's pride ! It's vanity ! Tou want to 
 throw dust in their eyes ! 
 
 Madame M. (resignedly) It's true. I agree with 
 you. 
 
 Malingear. (triumphant) Ah — ha! (change of 
 attitude. He thinks he has her at disadvantage. 
 She becomes persuasive. He gradually shows con- 
 viction) 
 
 Madame M. But I'm only doing what everybody 
 else does. We all spend our lives throwing little 
 pinches of dust in our neighbors' eyes. Else why do 
 we dress up so finely? Why do people have dia- 
 monds, carriages, liveried servants ? For other people 
 to look at! 
 
 Malingear. (expostulating) Oh, come now! — 
 You can't put me there, anyway. 
 
 Madame M. I can't, can't I ? You obey this gen- 
 eral rule without suspecting it. (Malingear is 
 playing with his watch-chain) 
 
 Malingear. Me ! 
 
 Madame M. You remember that little chain of 
 fine gold which you used to wear on your watch? 
 
 Malingear. Yes. What about it? 
 
 Madame M. It was so small — so little that you 
 were ashamed of it. You would hide it under your 
 vest. 
 
 Malingear. So as not to lose it. 
 
 Madame M. Oh, no ! So as not to show it ! You 
 replaced it by another one — enormous! (pointing) 
 There it is ! You caress it, — you play with it, — you 
 
26 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 show it off! You are proud of it! (Malingear 
 must be playing with it at the moment and show con- 
 sternation) 
 
 Malingear. What folly! {rises abruptly) 
 
 Madame M. But you take good care not to say it 
 is an imitation. 
 
 Malingear. (quickly looking around room) Sh! 
 — For goodness' sake keep quiet! (stands front l.) 
 
 Madame M. It's dust in the eyes ! You are just 
 as bad as the other people. — Well — your daughter, — 
 she is the little fine gold chain — very simple, very 
 true, very modest. — Nobody pays her any attention, 
 there are so few jewelers in the world. Let me 
 decorate her a little with tinsel and then everyone 
 will admire her. (pointing to his chain) As they 
 do your great electroplated cable! 
 
 Malingear. (aside) There's a lot of truth in 
 what she says. 
 
 Alexandrine, (entering l.) Monsieur! 
 
 Malingear. Well ? 
 
 Alexandrine. That gentleman — number sixteen 
 is getting impatient. 
 
 Malingear. (suddenly remembering) Oh ! Gee 
 Whiz ! I clean forgot him, poor fellow. Tell him 
 to come in. 
 
 Madame M. (quickly) No! not yet! He is six- 
 teen, (to Alexandrine) Tell him that the doctor 
 is busy with number fourteen. 
 
 Malingear. Ah, — I'm busy with number four- 
 teen? So? (to Alexandrine) All right. Tell 
 him that. (Alexandrine exit l.) 
 
 (She re-enters l. and crosses — going out r. Laughs 
 at Madame M. when she understands what she's 
 doing with money. First at table r. Alex- 
 andrine following — then at table c. Alex- 
 andrine grins, when suddenly Madame M. looks 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 27 
 
 at her, she dabs at cobwebs; then follow moth 
 miller.) 
 
 Madame M. (rising) Give me your purse. 
 
 Malingeae. My purse? Why? (gives it up) 
 
 Madame M. (putting the money around) Ten 
 Louis on this plate, three on the table — two on the 
 piano. 
 
 Malingeae. (astonished) What are you doing 
 there? (he continues standing front L., but gesticu- 
 lates) 
 
 Madame M. Why, don't patients leave the fees 
 that way with all the famous doctors? 
 
 Malingeae. It's true! That's their dust. 
 
 Madame M. (hands on lapel) Now, get at your 
 desk ! Look important — brusk. Don't talk much, 
 you are busy. I leave you. Call number sixteen. 
 (coming back) Don't forget there's nothing the 
 matter with him ! Don't deceive yourself. 
 
 Malingeae. (seated at desk) Be tranquil, (exit 
 Madame M., putting on garden hat. She passes 
 window during scene and knocks on door L.) That 
 wife of mine is pretty shrewd! (calling) Alex- 
 andrine, (she enters) call number 16 ! 
 
 Alexandeine. (entering e. and crossing to L. and 
 opening door and calling) Number sixteen! (exit 
 
 R.) 
 
 Ratinois. (entering l. — aside) At last I'm here! 
 A three-quarter hour wait in the ante room! 
 
 Malingeae. (without looking at him and writing) 
 Sit down. 
 
 Ratinois. Monsieur, I thank you (sits down — 
 aside) He's writing a prescription! This is a 
 finely furnished room! 
 
 Malingeae. (still writing and not looking up 
 pauses) Sit down. 
 
 Ratinois. Thank you, I have, (aside) Oh, I 
 
28 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 feel like an elephant. What shall I tell him is the 
 matter with me! 
 
 Malingear. (putting down pen and turning) 
 Now! What's the trouble? (curt — looking over 
 glasses) 
 
 Ratinois. Monsieur, about a week ago — (loud 
 knocking at door at l.) 
 
 Malingear. (calling. Walks up. Closes door 
 with snap. Ratinois stretches liis neck) Wait 
 awhile, can't you? (aside) That's my wife 
 knocking to make him think that there is somebody 
 else waiting, (writing) 
 
 Ratinois. (aside) Seventeen is getting impatient. 
 
 Malingear. Go ahead, (turning again from 
 desk) 
 
 Ratinois. Monsieur, about a week ago — really 
 eight days, — (circumstantial lie) I went to Saint 
 Germain and back by the railroad. When I came 
 home, my wife said : " How red you are ! — Are you 
 sick ? " I replied to her, — " I am not positively 
 sick, but I feel just so-so. I took a foot bath. It 
 didn't do me any good. So here I am. 
 
 Malingear. (rising) What do you feel? 
 
 Ratinois. (embarrassed) Eh — ah — Heavens! 
 All sorts of little things, sometimes on one side — 
 sometimes on the other. 
 
 Malingear. No headache? 
 
 Ratinois. No. 
 
 Malingear. Your stomach? 
 
 Ratinois. Excellent. 
 
 Malingear. Pains in the side? 
 
 Ratinois. No. 
 
 Malingear. Let me feel your pulse, (feels pulse 
 and counts with watch) 
 
 Ratinois. (aside) What a fine chain! I never 
 saw one so big in all my life. 
 
 Malingear. (aside with satisfaction) He's look- 
 ing at my chain ! 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR BUST IN THE EYES 29 
 
 Ratinois. (aside) You can see he's not the sort 
 of doctor who has to run after his practice ! 
 
 Malingeae. (putting ear to Ratinois' lack) 
 Breathe. Hard — very hard! (business tapping chest) 
 
 Ratinois. (rising — aside) I'm curious to see what 
 sickness he's going to give me. 
 
 Malingeae. That's enough. I see very clearly 
 what your trouble is. 
 
 Ratinois. Ah! (aside) He's going to put 
 leeches all over me! 
 
 Malingeae. My dear sir, you have absolutely 
 nothing the matter with you ! 
 
 Ratinois. What! (aside) He's very wise ! He's 
 some doctor! (l.) 
 
 Malingear. (going to desk and writing. Sud- 
 denly) However, I'm going to prescribe a little 
 diet for you. (Mme. M. is seen ushering him in with 
 letter) 
 
 A Footman. (in livery, entering up stage) 
 Monsieur. 
 
 Malingeae. What is it? (aside) Where the 
 deuce did he come from ? 
 
 Ratinois. (aside) He has a footman! 
 
 The Footman, (presenting a letter on a silver 
 tray) A letter from Madame, the duchess of Hum- 
 bugville. 
 
 Malingeae. (taking letter, very much surprised) 
 For me! (aside) I don't know her! (rises. Dis- 
 misses Footman) 
 
 Ratinois. (aside) He treats duchesses! 
 
 Malingeae. (examining envelope and aside) My 
 wife's writing ! (down e. Standing. To Ratinois) 
 You will permit me? 
 
 Ratinois. Certainly, certainly! 
 
 Malingeae. (aside, reading) "Read this letter 
 aloud." (speaking aside) I must read it. (reading 
 very loud) "Dear Doctor, I owe you my life" — 
 
30 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 (looks over glasses and grins.. Reading) "Never 
 can I repay you. Permit me to send you these 
 4,000 francs as a poor witness of my unspeakable 
 gratitude." 
 
 Eatinois. (aside) Four thousand francs! At 
 one crack ! 
 
 Malingeir. (aside, putting tank notes in pocket) 
 These are the ones I gave her to pay the upholsterer. 
 
 Ratinois. (aside) And he calmly puts them in 
 his pocket. I'll bet his clothes are full of them! 
 What a fine match for Frederick ! 
 
 Malingear. Ah, there is a postscript, (read- 
 ing) " Naughty doctor, why won't you enter the 
 Academy, since you have only to say the word. 
 (repeat. Only to say the word) 
 
 Ratinois. (with admiration) Oh, say it! say it! 
 
 Malingear. Fm not ambitious, (knocking at 
 the door at l.) One moment! Wait! 
 
 Eatinois. (aside) There must be loads of people 
 out there ! (aloud) I will be leaving. 
 
 Malingear. (taking paper from desk) Here is 
 your prescription, (reading) Bordeaux wine, Cut- 
 lets, Beefsteak 
 
 Eatinois. Why, that's a — a — that's a menu card ! 
 
 Malingear. (gives him prescription and bows) 
 Monsieur, (turns to desk) 
 
 Eatinois. (aside — drawing purse) I ought to 
 give him ten francs. — No, that's too small beside the 
 
 duchesses What a fine match for Frederick! 
 
 (Grin. Pause) Bah, I'll leave him 20 francs. (He 
 puts them on plate on stand) I don't believe he saw 
 me! (picks them up and rings them on plate) 
 Malingear bows — (aside) He saw me! (comes up 
 stage. The upholsterer enters l.) 
 
 The TJ. (entering brusquely l.) As last, I am 
 here. Here I am. 
 
 Malingear. Who are you? What do you want? 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 31 
 
 The U. It's my turn. I am number seventeen. 
 
 Malingeae. (astonished — aside) What! a 
 patient! a real one! (going hack — speaks slowly — 
 in awe) 
 
 Ratinois. (aside) People struggle to get an 
 audience with him! 
 
 The U. (to Malingeae) Doctor, I have suf- 
 fered for a long time from an affection — (reaches 
 for his bill in his inside pocket) 
 
 Malingeae. Pardon me. — Just one moment and 
 I will be with you. 
 
 Ratinois. Doctor, I bid you good-day. 
 
 Malingeae. You will excuse me? 
 
 Ratinois. Certainly. Don't disturb yourself. 
 (aside in leaving) What a fine match for Frederick ! 
 Maybe it's too fine. Perhaps they wouldn't want to 
 ally themselves with common, ordinary people like us ! 
 (aloud) Doctor, good-day! (he opens door l. 
 Footman enters and stands by door. Ratinois 
 stands bowing. Footman stands rigid. Ratinois 
 bolts for door and exits. Footman follows) Thank 
 you. Don't take the trouble, (door closes) 
 
 Malingeae. Now, you were saying that you have 
 suffered for a very long time from an affection 
 
 The U. Oh, never mind about that now! 
 (presenting a paper) Here is my little bill for doing 
 over your parlor furniture. 
 
 Malingeae. What ! my parlor furniture ? 
 
 The U. I am your upholsterer. 
 
 Malingeae. What do you say? 
 
 The U. Your wife asked me to take the num- 
 ber seventeen. That's a pretty slick trick you were 
 working there ! 
 
 Malingeae. (protesting) I assure you that I 
 don't know anything about any trick! 
 
 The U. No harm done. There are tricks for 
 all — trades. Why, I 
 
32 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Malingear. Monsieur, I beg you to believe me. 
 (aside) My wife is getting me all tied up here. 
 
 The U. There is my memorandum amounting 
 to 4,000 francs. 
 
 Malingear. Let me look at it. — Oh, heavens! 
 A hundred and fifty francs for an arm chair ! 
 
 The IT. That's at the very lowest price I can 
 make. 
 
 Malingear. And the -ordinary chairs eighty ! It's 
 exorbitant ! 
 
 The U. What ! You are trying to beat me 
 down after the service I have just rendered you ! 
 
 Malingear. What service? 
 
 The U. Why number seventeen. I was your 
 little number 17. 
 
 Malingear. (impatient) Oh! all right! receipt 
 your bill, (takes pen from desk and gives it to him) 
 
 The U. Certainly, (signs on table) 
 
 Malingear. (giving him bank notes) Here is 
 your money. 
 
 The U. Thank you. (while counting the money) 
 Doctor, if at some other time, you need anyone to 
 hold a number, let me recommend to you my brother 
 — an idle fellow. 
 
 Malingear. What for? 
 
 The U. He looks respectable and he will be 
 very moderate in his charges, (laughing to self) 
 
 Malingear. Come, come — you are paid. I'm not 
 detaining you. 
 
 The U. (aside. Leaving) All the same, he's 
 a sly old rascal, (exits L.) 
 
 Malingear. (alone) Certainly, Madame Mal- 
 ingear has made me play a most ridiculous role. 
 
 Madame M. (entering up. In garden hat with 
 gloves) Have you paid the upholsterer? 
 
 Malingear. Yes — number seventeen. 
 
 Madame M. Wasn't that a good idea? 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 33 
 
 Malingear. {sarcastically) My compliments! 
 You have made me seem like a quack to this man. 
 
 Madame M. Well, — an upholsterer? (she sits L. 
 M. sits right) 
 
 Malingear. And then this great elephant in 
 livery ! 
 
 Madame M. What! didn't you recognize him? 
 
 Malingear. No. 
 
 Madame M. He was the footman who belongs to 
 the people on the second floor. 
 
 Malingear. (forgetting himself) He was great! 
 (changing his tone) But you have made me the 
 laughing stock of the whole house. He will gossip. — 
 That's inevitable. 
 
 Madame M. Well, someone had to bring in the 
 letter of the duchess's. 
 
 Malingear. I haven't anything to say against 
 the letter. It was all right. Well written — 
 especially the last part, the postscript! 
 
 Madame M. (quoting) "Naughty doctor" 
 
 Malingear. " Why won't you enter the Academy." 
 
 Madame M. " Since you have only to say the 
 word." What did Monsieur Ratinios think of that. 
 
 Malingear. He was keeled right over. But 
 listen, — he looked at my chain ! (with evident satis- 
 faction) 
 
 Madame M. Ah! didn't I tell you, we'd dazzle 
 them — charm them both, (she rises and takes off 
 hat u. l.) 
 
 Malingear. And to-morrow — not later than to- 
 morrow, we shall hear from them. 
 
 (Enter Uncle Robert.) 
 
 Robert, (entering u. R. He stands looking from 
 one to the other) Ah, you were expecting me? 
 
 Malingear. No, not you. (beckons him to oe 
 silent. But Robert does not notice) 
 
34 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Robeet. I was just passing. You got the money 
 I sent you? Good! Here is the paper — will you 
 please to sign. 
 
 (Cross R., Malingear sits, protesting.) 
 
 Mme. Malingear. But I don't understand. 
 
 Robert. No. Women don't, (he passes her and 
 walks l.) 
 
 Malingear. (to his ivife) I will explain to you. 
 (rising and waving paper) Merely a formality. 
 There. Until the first of the month. Good-day. 
 
 Robert. Not so fast. There is another little 
 matter. 
 
 Malingear. (sitting) Another matter? 
 
 Mme. Malingear. (accusingly) Malingear! 
 (£0 Robert) Another little formality? (sarcas- 
 tically) 
 
 Robert. Exactly. Your daughter! 
 
 Malingear and Mme. Malingear. Emmeline? 
 
 Robert. Her marriage. 
 
 Mme. Malingear. (getting angry) How can that 
 possibly concern you? 
 
 Robert. And do you think marriages concern 
 only the parents? How about Emmeline? What 
 does she say? 
 
 Mme. Malingear. Why she is only a child. 
 
 Robert. Exactly. Is she for sale ? 
 
 Mme. Malingear. Why the idea ! It's insulting 
 — why 
 
 Robert. Precisely! When parents conspire to 
 marry off a daughter to a rich husband, that is 
 insulting — to the daughter. You would not do that. 
 What does Emmeline want? Shall we ask her? 
 
 Mme. Malingear. (raging around stage — first to 
 Uncle Robert, then to Malingear) The idea! 
 How dare you ? How dare you interfere ? Why, this 
 is positively — Malingear! And I — I — her mother — 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 35 
 
 her mother! You shan't see her— you shan't— I 
 never heard of anything like it! It's outrageous! 
 I'll go and lock her in her room. She shan't have a 
 word with you. For sale ! For sale indeed ! Is the 
 man a lunatic? 0, Malingear, Malingear. (the 
 last words heard off stage as she goes out l.) 
 
 Robert. My nephew's mother-in-law. (looking 
 
 after her) 
 
 Malingear. Sir, you presume. I will return the 
 money to-morrow. 
 
 Robert. Very good. We may count that as 
 settled, (puts down his hat) Malingear, I am a rich 
 man. I* have worked for it— I am a lumber mer- 
 chant—but I have it. There ! 
 
 Malingear. I will pay you to-morrow. 
 
 Robert. Ah ! but riches does not buy everything. 
 Happiness, happiness, my dear Malingear.— Now, 
 your daughter 
 
 Malingear. (rises) I won't listen sir. (Exit u. 
 Enter Emmeline quickly, R.) Robert— If she loves 
 Frederick, she shall have him. 
 
 Emmeline. (skipping) I've found my work 
 •bag, mother! Oh, I (she skips into Robert before 
 she sees him) why— I beg your pardon. 
 
 Robert, (aside) Urn! Frederick's right. She 
 is. (to Emmeline) I sent for you. 
 
 Emmeline. Me ? 
 
 Robert. Sit down, (she sits down quickly, half 
 frightened) Do you want to get married? 
 
 Emmeline. (rising quickly) Oh, no sir, yes sir 
 — (sits) No sir. 
 
 Robert. No sir, yes sir, no sir— Hum ! "Why do 
 you say " no sir ? " 
 
 Emmeline. It's not customary, sir. 
 
 Robert. Not customary to want to get married? 
 
 Emmeline. Not customary to let on, sir. (rises) 
 I think I'd better — (she looks at him) 
 
36 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Robert, (leading her lack to chair) There — 
 You will sit clown? 
 
 Emmeline. (almost in tears) Yes, sir 
 
 Robert. And you are not afraid. 
 
 Emmeline. 0, no sir — not now, sir. 
 
 Robert. So you want to get married? 
 (Emmeline drops her eyes and puis her finger in 
 her mouth) No? — But if you did want to get 
 married — what kind of a husband would you choose ? 
 
 Emmeline. 0, sir, a very beautiful one — tall, and 
 strong, and with the most wonderful brains — a 
 lawyer 
 
 Robert. I am a wood merchant — I am very rich. 
 I made it all myself 
 
 Emmeline. but this one is young — and hand- 
 some — 0, sir, I hope you were not speaking to papa 
 — because it will not do. I would rather die just 
 like this. 
 
 Robert. But you would not do anything that 
 your father did not wish? 
 
 Emmeline. 0, no, sir. I intend to make him 
 want Frederick. 
 
 Robert. Ha! Quite so. Little minx. Good 
 night. (aside) And so you shall — or I'm not 
 Uncle Robert (Exit) 
 
 Emmeline. What a nice funny old man. 
 
 Malingear. (re-entering r.) Gone at last! 
 (sees Emmeline u. l.) 
 
 (His wife enters angrily l., passes Emmeline and 
 confronts husband.) 
 
 Madame M. (rapping on the table c.) Well, 
 husband ! I suppose 
 
 Malingear. Sh ! — Emmeline ! 
 
 Emmeline. (sweetly, waving work bag) I've 
 found it, mother. 
 
 Madame M. (severely) That will do ! You may 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 37 
 
 go! (Emmeline, very much abashed, is about to 
 leave) Malingear, I want a word with you. 
 
 Malingear. (squirming) Not now — now, I'm 
 very much occupied, (sits hurriedly at desk down 
 right and begins fumbling about for an excuse; his 
 eye falls upon Emmeline going out u. r.) Oh, 
 Emmeline, my love; aren't you going to give me a 
 kiss, (she comes quickly to him, kisses his bald 
 head. His wife stands glowering L.) Dear little 
 girl ! Your father has just had a lot of trouble for 
 your sake. 
 
 Emmeline. Trouble? Oh, Papa, what was it? 
 i^she kneels at his feet\ 
 
 Malingear. (squirming under his wife's gaze) 
 I can't tell you what it was, but don't repeat this — 
 (he pinches her ear lightly) It's a secret 
 
 Emmeline. Be tranquil ! (aside, confidentially 
 to audience) I bet it's about the marriage, (aloud) 
 Oh, I won't make you tell me. 
 
 (Malingear, under cover of exchanging playful 
 glances with his daughter is about to escape 
 from the room, when his wife's voice arrests 
 him suddenly.) 
 
 Madame M. Malingear! (A momentary pause, 
 which Emmeline breaks) 
 
 Emmeline. Why papa, here's a button coming 
 off your coat. Come here, come here — now just look 
 at that! 
 
 Malingear. "Won't you sew it on for me. I'm 
 sure your mother 
 
 Emmeline. Of course I will. I have some black 
 cotton here in my bag. (Bag is on piano — she skips 
 and gets it; sits on piano stool) 
 
 (Malingear takes off his coat, showing a large rent 
 in the back of vest; his wife crosses toward him; 
 
38 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 he turns u. l. to Emmeline, gives her the coat, 
 and attempts to draw his wife into conver- 
 sation.) 
 
 Malingear. Ah, isn't she the fine girl though! 
 (his wife turns her back on him, sitting near sewing 
 table) No? (shrugs his shoulders as though cold) 
 
 Madame M. (turning suddenly) Are you cold, 
 Mr. Malingear, without your 
 
 Malingear. Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Let the 
 child sew it. If I were Frederick, it would be when 
 she was like this (pointing to Emmeline bending 
 over his old coat) that Fd love her best, (goes to 
 her) 
 
 Sophie, (entering l. with basket full of grocer- 
 ies) Well — (she crosses in front of Madame M. 
 and plumps her basket down r., faces audience, with 
 her back to her mistress) here I am — back from 
 market. Cabbage rolls on the floor) 
 
 Madame M. You've certainly taken enough time 
 to buy out the place. 
 
 Sophie. Do you want to check up, Madame. 
 
 Madame M. Yes, give me the book. 
 
 Sophie. Here it is! (takes it from basket and 
 hands it over, without turning to face Madame M.) 
 
 Madame M. (going to desk and adding) On the 
 15th, "milk 15 cents, a rabbit 50 cents." (speak- 
 ing) That's terribly dear. 
 
 Sophie. Madame, there was sickness among the 
 rabbits this year. 
 
 Malingear. A sickness? 
 
 Sophie. Yes, Monsieur. 
 
 Malingear. I didn't know rabbits got sick. 
 
 Madame M. (continuing) " Monsieur's sus- 
 penders 5 cents." (speaking) What! his suspen- 
 ders! 
 
 Sophie. The buckle was broken and he had me 
 get it fixed. 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 39 
 
 Malingear. What would the duchess of Humbug- 
 ville say if she saw this little family group ! 
 
 Madame M. (continuing) " On the 16th — a 
 cabbage 18 cents." {crying out) Eighteen cents! 
 
 Sophie. It was the very best, Madame. 
 
 Alexandrine, (entering quickly l.) Madame, 
 — Here are some callers ! 
 
 All the Family, (jumping up) Callers! 
 
 Alexandrine. Monsieur and Madame Ratinois. 
 
 Madame M. Them? 
 
 Malingear. Already? 
 
 Emmeline. What good luck! 
 
 (Sophie runs out l. with two of her packages.) 
 (Alexandrine dusts piano leg.) 
 
 Madame M. (to Alexandrine) Tell them to 
 come in. (Sophie screams off stage — runs in — drops 
 packages c. Alexandrine leaves. To Sophie, giv- 
 ing back the hook and pushing to door R.) Quick! 
 Get out of here ! (exit Sophie r.) 
 
 Malingear. My vest! (puts it on quickly) 
 
 Madame M. (to Emmeline) Go to the piano, — 
 head back — and sing some runs ! 
 
 Madame M. Oh, Heavens ! she forgot the basket ! 
 (snatches the basket, runs around stage to hide it, 
 ends by shoving it under table and pulling cover 
 over it) 
 
 (Emmeline sings "Her sweet smile haunts me 
 still/' Monsieur and Madame Ratinois ap- 
 pear l. Madame Ratinois in full dress. 
 Monsieur Ratinois in dress coat with white 
 tie and white gloves.) 
 
 (Malingear stands u. r. stupefied — cabbage in his 
 hand which he puts quickly under his coat. 
 Mme. Malingear down R., Emmeline u. l.) 
 
 Madame R. Madame! 
 
40 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Ratinois. Doctor! (Malingear drops callage 
 from under his coat) 
 
 Madame M. (fo Madame E.) What a happy sur- 
 prise ! Have you decided to take the apartment ? 
 
 Ratinois. We didn't come positively for that. 
 (aside) Heavens, how rattled I am. (business ivith 
 collar) 
 
 Malingear. (to Ratinois) Has your sickness 
 become worse? 
 
 Ratinois. Thank you, Fm getting on all right 
 now. 
 
 (Malingear reaching for callage with his foot, 
 trying to put it out of wag.) 
 
 Madame R. We've come for something else. 
 
 Monsieur and Madame M. (feigning astonish- 
 ment) For something else ? (Malingears exchange 
 glances) 
 
 Emmeline. (aside — dancing up and down eagerly) 
 The father has on a white tie ! They are going to ask 
 for me! (They sit down. Emmeline remaining 
 sitting on piano stool with lack to piano) 
 
 Ratinois. (standing. He lows — then gulps — 
 then loivs — then gulps. Very rattled) We have 
 something we want to ask of you — something very — 
 (to wife) you speak, (he turns u. l., foxing Emme- 
 line and stands stupefied) 
 
 Madame R. (sitting l. of table) Intimate and 
 confidential. 
 
 Emmeline. Mother, it's time for me to take my 
 painting lesson. 
 
 Madame M. Go, my child. 
 
 Malingear. (aside — proudly) Didn't I say she 
 was bright ! 
 
 Emmeline. (lowing) Monsieur! Madame! 
 
 (Malingear kicks callage out door.) 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 41 
 
 Monsieur and Madame R. Mademoiselle! 
 (exit Emmeline r. She curtsies) 
 
 Malingear. We are alone, (draws chair up to 
 wife, down R.) 
 
 Madame E. (low to husband) Speak! Courage! 
 
 Ratinois. (standing down l. ? low) It's no use. 
 — They'd never consent to it. 
 
 Madame M. We are listening. 
 
 Ratinois. (very rattled) Monsieur and Madame 
 — I am the father of — I have an only son — 
 Frederick 
 
 Malingear. We know him. 
 
 Madame M. A charming young man ! who some- 
 times honors our drawing rooms by visiting us. 
 
 Ratinois. (c. — wife to his l. Low to wife) 
 Our drawing rooms! — You see they have many of 
 them. — They would never consent. 
 
 Madame R. (low to husband) Go ahead. 
 
 Ratinois. This young man who is a lawyer could 
 not know your daughter — your most honorable 
 daughter — without longing for an alliance which 
 would honor him — in honoring us — if he could enter 
 into your honorable family which everybody honors ! 
 
 Madame M. (showing feigned astonishment) 
 What ! 
 
 Malingear. (the same) Is it possible ! 
 
 Ratinois. (turning toward wife, and speaking 
 low) There! I told you so. They'll never consent. 
 
 Malingear. Monsieur, I assure you that such a 
 demand — made so suddenly — surprises us not a little. 
 
 Ratinois. (more downcast than ever) Didn't I 
 tell you — (to his wife) They'll never consent. 
 (note change of emphasis) 
 
 Malingear. Marriage is a serious thing (pomp- 
 ously) and we must ask your permission to consult — 
 to reflect 
 
 Madame R. Certainly! that is quite natural! 
 
42 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Madame M. (rising) In a few days, we will tell 
 you our reply, (all rise and prepaid for the curtain 
 picture) 
 
 Ratinois. (crosses quickly to footlights, extreme 
 left) They do not refuse, (he holds this while his 
 wife makes deep curtsey toward Madame M., and 
 Doctor Malingear lows deeply. Madame R. 
 then goes quickly up and stands by piano. Ratinois 
 turns and boivs to Madame M. and the Doctor. 
 Ah! Madame — Ah! Doctor! (Ratinois then 
 turns quickly to his wife u. l., claps his hat on lack 
 of head. He is talking to his wife. He joins her 
 v. l. quickly) They do not refuse ! 
 
 Madame M. (u. r. coming forward quickly to 
 put her hand on her husband's shoulder) How about 
 dust in their eyes? 
 
 Malingear. Admirable. I am converted, (very 
 loud, to ivife) My dear wife, (coming down front) 
 ask your maid to tell the butler to tell the coachman 
 to harness up Dobbin and Dexter ! (striking an at- 
 titude, hand to chest, before the footlights, down R.) 
 I dine with the Duchess ! (he holds this attitude) 
 
 Monsieur and Madame Ratinois. With the 
 Duchess ! (in admiration. They pass each other, 
 Mme. coming L., and her husband going R. He 
 turns quickly, taking of his hat, in utmost surprise. 
 They stand, facing the audience, overcome with 
 admiration) 
 
 Malingear. (sivings around on right foot until 
 his back is toward Ratinois and wife; he then 
 looks over his right shoulder, pointing with his right 
 thumb to where they stand in astonishment) There 
 it goes (Madame M. turns and looks toward the 
 dupes, in direction pointed to by her husband) right 
 in their eyes ! 
 
 CUKTAIK 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 43 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 A CT II.— Living room. Home of Monsieur Kati- 
 nois. The stairs may be omitted if impracti- 
 cable, and replaced by a left entrance. Chairs 
 to have slip-over covers on. 
 
 Scene :— A pleasant room in the home of Ratinois. 
 In the back drop, two small latticed windows 
 look out into the park. Over these windows, 
 dainty yellow silk curtains to the sills give the 
 room a cheerful look. Piano between the 
 windows. To the right of the windows a door 
 leading to park. To the left of the windows a 
 door leading to dining room. (The windows 
 may be omitted if back drop is not large 
 enough.) A fireplace u. R. with fire ^ ready 
 for lighting. Door down right leading to 
 library. Door down left leading to hallway. 
 (In place of this door down left, a most effective 
 entrance may be obtained by erecting a stairway 
 along the left side-wall, leading directly away 
 from the audience. The room is furnished 
 simply. Pedestal front right with vase, to be 
 broken during the act. Flowers on table c. 
 Table u. R. Chairs with white slip-covers on. 
 As the curtain rises, Ratinois and his family are 
 disclosed in a domestic scene. Ratinois, in long 
 robe and smoking cap is seated by table c, long- 
 stemmed pipe in his hand. Madame R., knit- 
 ting a great woolen sock, is seated r.^ Fred- 
 erick, at the table u. R., is busily working over 
 a bunch of legal papers and tax receipts. The 
 family has the air of having talked themselves 
 out, each being now engrossed in his own affairs. 
 
44 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 The minute the curtain is up, Josephine, a trim 
 little maid, enters smartly with the evening 
 paper, which she lays on the table before M. 
 Ratinois. She is just in time to pick up 
 Madame R's knitting ball on her way to the 
 fireplace u. R. She closes the doors leading to 
 the park, draws the portieres, stoops and lights 
 the fire and goes out quickly the way she came. 
 Frederick rises from his work and turns on the 
 light over his head and sits again, impatiently. 
 Ratinois, who has been trying to get his pipe 
 lighted, rises and walks to piano, where he 
 finds more matches and repeats business of at- 
 tempting to light it. Deep-toned, slow clock off 
 right, strikes five: quick light chime upstairs 
 strikes five immediately after. Ratinois clicks 
 his watch shut and turns abruptly, addressing 
 his wife and son. 
 
 Ratinois. Do you want me to tell you what I 
 think about it? {evidently they do not) Well, 
 they'll never consent. 
 
 Frederick, {without looking up from his work) 
 0, come now, Dad! What are you trying to tell 
 us? 
 
 Ratinois. Never you mind about this — you keep 
 at your job there fixing those tax receipts. That's 
 something you have to pay attention to when you are 
 doing it. {sitting again in his easy chair) They'll 
 never consent. 
 
 Madame R. {looking up fron her knitting, and 
 addressing Frederick, across stage) I am very 
 much afraid that your father is right. 
 
 Ratinois. Of course I'm right. It's two weeks 
 to-day since we made the proposal — and we haven't 
 received any reply. 
 
 Frederick, {counting over his receipts) What's 
 that prove? 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 45 
 
 Ratinois. That proves that these people are too 
 toney for us. Look at the style they live in. 
 
 Frederick:. I didn't notice it. 
 
 Eatinois. (sighs) I can understand that — a 
 lover! You saw only the girl; but I saw the foot- 
 man — six or seven feet! (indicating height with 
 hand) 
 
 Frederick, (continuing his counting up) Aw- 
 aw, ha, ha ! 
 
 Ratinois. Yes ! Six or seven feet tall ! Nothing 
 escapes the clairvoyant eye of a father ! 
 
 Madame R. And the young lady takes lessons 
 from Caruso ! 
 
 Ratinois. (over his paper) Well, she's rich 
 enough to. (then putting paper aside and entering 
 into the discussion) "Wlien one has a father who re- 
 ceives four thousand francs at one crack — 0, I 
 counted them — and who puts them in his pocket as 
 calmly as if they were his spectacle case 
 
 Frederick. (losing count and beginning over 
 again) That's no reason. 
 
 Eatinois. (same business with paper) Do you 
 know who this man is — whose daughter you want to 
 marry ? 
 
 Frederick. 0, he's a doctor, (counting) 
 
 Eatinois. Yes a doctor — who has only to say the 
 word to belong to the Academy of Sciences. If he 
 would say the word — (snaps his fingers) Crack! He 
 would be it ! And his watch chain — Did you notice 
 his watch chain? 
 
 Frederick, (losing his count) ISTo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o ! 
 
 Eatinois. (over his specs, wheeling around ab- 
 ruptly) You didn't notice it? And do you think 
 that such a person would ally himself with the son 
 of a former confectioner? 
 
 Madame R. (rising) Why in the world do you 
 always tell everybody that you used to be a confec- 
 tioner ? 
 
46 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 {From this point Madame R. dominates the scene.) 
 
 Eatinois. (boldly) Why should I hide it? 
 (apologetically) I don't tell everybody — (then blus- 
 tering) but anyway I'm not ashamed of it. 
 
 Madame R. (crossing L. to Frederick) My 
 poor boy! Fm afraid you must give up all hope of 
 this marriage. 
 
 Frederick, (rises) But they haven't refused 
 mother — and she's the dearest little girl ! You think 
 their silence means 
 
 Ratinois. The silence of the great is a lesson to 
 the small, (changing his tone) Don't forget the 
 school tax. 
 
 (Madame R. hangs sock on the piano and returns 
 to R. Frederick comes c. and takes father's 
 fountain pen from M. Ratinois' pocket. Tries 
 it, shakes it and returns to place u. R. at table 
 during next speech.) 
 
 Frederick. When I called, the day before you 
 made the proposal, Monsieur Malingear was very 
 kind to me. He gave me advice about my career. 
 He urged me to become a divorce lawyer. 
 
 Ratinois. A good choice — one'll that pay. 
 
 Madame R. (standing u. r. and looking sympa- 
 thetically at her son.) And Madame Malingear said 
 to you : " It's astonishing your mother never goes to 
 the opera. I have never yet seen her there." (comes 
 down) 
 
 Ratinois. (sadly) And the next day I went and 
 hired a box for the season. It's dear too at that 
 theatre. 
 
 Madame R. That's a momentary sacrifice, (sits 
 again) 
 
 Ratinois. 0, I understand. When you desire to 
 enter such a family you do things right. So when 
 you called my attention to the fact that one cannot 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 47 
 
 go to the opera on foot, I was obliged to take a car- 
 riage by the month. That's very high-priced too. 
 
 Madame E. It's the custom though. 
 
 Eatinois. (sitting low in chair, puts paper on 
 table) I'm not kicking. You must do things right 
 — only, if I had been (yaivns deeply) allowed to 
 choose a theatre, I wouldn't have chosen that one. 
 
 Madame. Why not? 
 
 Eatinois. (his eyes on the ceiling) Because they 
 always give the same play. We've been there four 
 times ! Four times to Eigoletto — It's in Italian too, 
 and you can't understand a word of it. 
 
 Madame E. You! 
 
 Eatinois. No more yourself! You cried 
 " Brava ! brava ! " very finely to make yourself noticed 
 (directly to her) but I bet you can't tell me the plot. 
 
 Madame E. I was applauding the music. 
 
 Ratinois. I don't believe you! You got sleepy 
 by the beginning of the second act. 
 
 Madame E. I closed my eyes, but I wasn't sleep- 
 ing. It was absorbed meditation ! 
 
 Eatinois. Eats ! It was absorbed snoring ! 
 
 Frederick. But father, we had the pleasure of 
 seeing Monsieur and Madame Malingear — and their 
 daughter ! 
 
 Eatinois. Yes, we bowed to them from our box; 
 they bowed to us from theirs — and there you are! 
 (shrugging his shoulders) One is to stand an infinity 
 of E-r-r-igoletto for that? But really, (rises and 
 crosses abruptly left) there's one thing against which 
 I formally protest 
 
 Madame E. What's that? 
 
 Eatinois. In order to make the Malingears think 
 we know lots of society people, you make me bow to 
 a whole crowd of people that I've never even seen. 
 
 Madame E. What's the difference if they bow to 
 you in return? 
 
48 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Ratinois. Not all! Not all! The other day I 
 passed a plenipotentiary minister — I made a move- 
 ment to him like that with my hand (military 
 salute) 
 
 Madame R. Well? 
 
 Ratinois. Well, he leveled his eyeglass on me 
 with a certain calmness — It was very disagreeable. 
 (He goes up) 
 
 Madame R. But it's for our son, mon ami. 
 
 Ratinois. Hum ! So it is. Yes. See here. You 
 care for — for this little girl? 
 
 Frederick, (in a voice "breaking with tenderness) 
 I tell you — why Dad, you don't know how much I 
 care. Yesterday, I was in the park. It was just 
 at dusk and the moon was coming up on the lake. I 
 was walking along in a sort of mood — (father and 
 mother exchange glances) 
 
 Madame R. A-ah ! Poor boy ! 
 
 Fredepick. My eyes were on the ground. I came 
 into the light. I turned round a bleeding-heart bush, 
 and there 
 
 Ratinois. (laughing) There was this little 
 beauty. 
 
 Frederick. No — it was her track. There in the 
 soft moist earth was a FOOT PRINT — just one — one 
 pretty little footprint in the brown gentle earth 
 among the tulips 
 
 Ratinois. Hum ! 
 
 Frederick. 0, I can't tell you how it made me 
 feel! I longed to fall down upon my knees and 
 press my lips to it — It was like rinding the feather 
 from an angel's wing. Ah, a fellow could follow 
 that little footstep through the whole world — it'd 
 never lead him far wrong. 
 
 Ratinois. No — a tulip bed's just the place for 
 footprints! (he walks down trying to light pipe) 
 
 Frederick, (coming out of his reverie) Heigho! 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 49 
 
 (rises and picks up tax receipts) Here are your 
 receipts, father. 
 
 Eatinois. (putting them in pocket) Thank you, 
 my son. 
 
 (Frederick turns to piano at onaz and sits and plays 
 " Meditation " or sings a sentimental old ballad 
 like "Her Sweet Smile Haunts me Still") 
 
 (After playing very softly a few moments, Fred- 
 erick sighs deeply and plays louder.) 
 
 Madame E. (after exchanging glances with her 
 husband) What's that you're singing, love? 
 
 Frederick, (plays louder and faster) Don't you 
 know, mother — ? (plays a few more bars, then 
 breaks off abruptly and rises) No matter. 
 
 (Frederick goes to glass — primps — crosses l. and 
 takes hat and cane — tries on hat before glass, 
 etc. Madame R. and her husband exchange 
 glances. Frederick at last takes handkerchief 
 from his pocket to dust his shoes.) 
 
 Madame R. Are you going out? 
 
 Frederick. Yes — I — I have an errand to do. 
 
 Eatinois. Then take the carriage — it's hired by 
 the month — we must use it. 
 
 Frederick. Sure you're not going to use it your- 
 self? 
 
 Ratinois. Who? Me? Never! Those two big 
 rascals of horses who eat hay all day long — They cut 
 up the lawn, too. 
 
 Frederick. But I don't believe I could take them 
 where I'm going — er — that is — I — I'll be right back 
 — (Madame Eatinois has been crossing slowly to- 
 ward door u. R., through which Frederick is going 
 out. She is looking toward him expecting him to 
 whisper his secret to her at the door) Now, mother 
 — I'm going — going — just going — (He claps his hat 
 on his head and goes out quickly, u. R.) 
 
50 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Ratinois. Gone! He's going to look for beauty 
 tracks. 
 
 Madame R. I'm going to write to my dressmaker 
 — (crossing l) 
 
 Ratinois. What for? 
 
 Madame R. (ascending stairway L.) To order a 
 grand piano, you dear thing, (exit L.) 
 
 Ratinois. (alone) I suppose that means more 
 dress for the opera ! ! ! And cut " Rigolctto " (indi- 
 cating extremely low dress) Dresses ! Hum ! that's 
 something else that people don't give away. We'll 
 have a nice little pile of bills at the end of the month. 
 
 (Enter Uncle Robeet u. r. He comes down to 
 greet Ratinois and sits down r. Ratinois sits 
 tip l., crossing to this position after greeting 
 Uncle Robert.) 
 
 Robert, (entering rea?') Merry 14th of Je-New 
 Years, Ratinois. 
 
 Ratinois. (rising) What! It's uncle Robert! 
 (they shake hands) 
 
 Robert. Everybody well? 
 
 Ratinois. Yes. Frederick has just gone out. 
 
 Robert. And my niece? 
 
 Ratinois. She's somewhere around. I'll go find 
 her. (crosses L.) 
 
 Robert. No. Don't disturb her. I was just pass- 
 ing this way and thought I'd drop in. I can only stay 
 a moment, though. Got to be at Bercy at six. I'm 
 expecting a cargo of lumber, (front right) 
 
 Ratinois. Always business ! Don't you ever rest 
 yourself ? 
 
 Robert. Only when I have to. You see. Ratinois, 
 when a person comes to Paris with only twelve cents 
 in his pocket, and starts at the bottom of the ladder, 
 he's got to be an early bird, and I've got the habit. 
 
 Ratinois. I know, I know. — (aside) It's funny 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 51 
 
 but since I've been going in certain society, I find 
 Uncle Robert common ! 
 
 Robekt. (c.) But I'm not proud on account of 
 that ! Because I say " a man is worth what he proves 
 himself worth." — You, you used to be a confectioner. 
 
 Ratinois. Sh ! 
 
 Robert. I, I am a lumber dealer 
 
 Ratinois. Sh ! 
 
 Robert. What? 
 
 Ratinois. What's the use of saying that I used to 
 be a confectioner, and proclaiming the fact that you 
 are a lumber dealer ! 
 
 Robert. I don't blush for my business. Find a 
 better one if you can ! 
 
 Ratinois. Magnificent ! It is magnificent ! 
 
 Robert. Well, then? 
 
 Ratinois. But everybody can't follow this — 
 beautiful occupation ! 
 
 Robert. No, certainly not. 
 
 Ratinois. Well, when you cry " I, am a lumber 
 dealer." It's as if you were saying to the others, 
 " Imbeciles, you are not lumber dealers, you — and I, 
 I am one." It's vain-glory! 
 
 Robert. Ah! if it's that, I'll keep quiet, (draw- 
 ing his watch) Half-past five! Good-bye. You'll 
 see me again soon ! (up at door) 
 
 Ratinois. (astonished) Ah! 
 
 Robert. To-day's your wife's birthday, the 22nd 
 of April. 
 
 Ratinois. Holy Smoke! You're right! I for- 
 got all about it. 
 
 Robert. On my way back, I'll be passing by the 
 flower market, and I'll buy her a Rubber plant, (c.) 
 
 Ratinois. Yes ! your annual surprise ! 
 
 Robert. It's always a pleasure for me. 
 
 Ratinois. You'll stay to dinner, won't you? — 
 There'll be nobody else! 
 
52 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Robert. All right. — But no ceremony ! (at door) 
 
 Ratinois. Be tranquil! We wouldn't make any 
 ceremony for you. Then, at six ? 
 
 Robert. That suits me. By-the-way, about Fred- 
 erick, aren't you ever going to get the boy married? 
 (c. again) 
 
 Ratinois. There is, perhaps, something under 
 way. 
 
 Robert. Ah ! something good ? 
 
 Ratinois. I'm afraid they're too toney for us ! 
 
 Robert. A lumber dealer? 
 
 Ratinois. No, indeed ! my no — not that. But 
 the affair is not getting on — it's dragging. 
 
 Eobert. We must liven it up. What if I should 
 go and see the family? 
 
 Ratinois. (frightened) No, thank you! (aside) 
 What if he should meet the duchess ! 
 
 Robert. You know what I told you ! " I have no 
 children, I am rich; on the day of the marriage, I 
 will make a present, a fine present." 
 
 Ratinois. Good Uncle Robert! 
 
 Robert. Well, good-bye. See you later. Mind, 
 now, don't give away my surprise — the Rubber plant. 
 
 Ratinois. Be tranquil! (Robert leaves r. 
 Alone, sitting in chair) What a fine man! He 
 adores Frederick and what's more he can afford to 
 give him a whole silver service, (thumping hand on 
 chair arm) Poor boy! They'll never consent! — 
 We have flown too high, — it's a shame ! 
 
 Josephine, (entering r.) A gentleman and a 
 lady who wish to see you, Monsieur. 
 
 Ratinois. What's their name ? 
 
 JosErniNE. Monsieur and Madame Malingear. 
 
 Ratinois. (jumping up) Them? — Oh, the dick- 
 ens, the deuce — Wait. Where in himmel's my wife ! 
 (to Josephine) Don't let them come in yet ! (call- 
 ing) Constance! Constance! 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 53 
 
 Madame R. (entering on run) Goodness' sakes, 
 what's the matter ? 
 
 Ratinois. They are here ! 
 
 Madame R. Who's that? 
 
 Ratinois. The father and the mother! What 
 shall we do? 
 
 Madame R. We must receive them — they have 
 come to give us their answer ! 
 
 Ratinois. Themselves ! You think so ! 
 
 Madame R. Of course, (to Josephine) Bring 
 them in. Oh ! heavens ! these chair-covers ! (runs 
 p. Ratinois knocks bric-a-brac off pedestal and 
 breaks it) 
 
 Josephinf. — Runs L. and snatches off cover — 
 starts out r. — tvhen Ratinois stops her by 
 clapping his hands at her. He takes off dressing- 
 gown and sends her upstairs with it — Madame 
 R. — Snatches off cover and runs out l. — Comes 
 in quickly crossing after Josephine — Runs 
 hand along piano-keys as she parses — turns 
 on stairs and points to sock on piano — 
 Ratinois dashes wildly to piano, and begins tak- 
 ing off piano cover — Madame R. stops him — He 
 has trouble with chair cover e. — puis his foot on 
 it and tears it off — Josephine comes down stairs 
 with coat — He puts it on — Spills water from, 
 vase on table c, all over himself and crosses 
 stage wiping water from coat, limply exclaim- 
 ing over and, over " what a day'' etc. 
 
 Ratinois. Yes, the chair-covers ! take off the 
 chair-covers! (l. runs c. to table) Help us! (to 
 Josephine) Wait! They musn't come in yet ! (all 
 three frantically rip off chair-covers) What an 
 event ! What a day ! (Ratinois pulls cover off table 
 and has to fix it. He stands tearing his hair) 
 
 Madame R. Come, brace up ! courage ! and mind, 
 now, don't use slang! 
 
54 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Ratinois. Why not? (leads him l.) 
 
 Madame R. Because they don't, (to Josephine, 
 who has thrown chair-covers in nearby closet) Bring 
 them in. (Josephine leaves r). 
 
 Ratinois. (to wife) Get at the piano, — sing 
 some runs ! (she plays. Noticing chair in back- 
 ground with cover still on) Ah! we have forgotten 
 one! (hurries to take it of. Monsieur and 
 Madame Malingear enter r. Gets to piano) 
 
 Madame R. (to Madame M.) Ah! dear Madam, 
 how charmed I am to see you ! 
 
 Malingear. We are very much ashamed of our- 
 selves. We have owed you a call for quite a while. 
 
 Madame M. But the doctor is so busy — so very 
 busy ! (simpers) 
 
 Madame R. Won't you sit down? (they sit 
 doivn. Ratinois trying to get out of hiding place) 
 
 Malingear. (pause) Won't we have the pleasure 
 of seeing Monsieur Ratinois? (Ratinois, who has 
 remained in rear trying to hide chair-cover, finishes 
 by stuffing it in wooden chest) 
 
 Ratinois. Here I am! I'm coming! (Malin- 
 gear rises) I was in my study, (bowing) Doctor 
 —Dear Madame, (shakes her hand and stands holding 
 it) may I inquire about your precious health? 
 
 Madame M. I'm very well, thank you, except for 
 occasional headaches. 
 
 Madame R. Just like me— I'm distracted with 
 headaches. 
 
 Ratinois. Me, too, distracted with headaches! 
 (He and Malingear sit down) 
 
 Ratinois. 
 Malingear. Mme. Ratinois. 
 
 Mme. Malingear. 
 
 Madame M. Shall we see you at the opera to- 
 morrow ? 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 55 
 
 Madame R. Oh, indeed, yes! certainly! 
 
 Ratinois. What's the show? 
 
 Malingeae. Rigoletto ! ! 
 
 Eatinois. Oh, so much the better! so much the 
 better ! 
 
 Madame M. I never get tired of that music ! 
 
 Ratinois. Neither do I ! It almost lulls me to 
 sleep ! 
 
 Madame R. And isn't that finale just ravishing? 
 
 All. Ah ! charming, charming ! 
 
 Madame M. And the andante ! 
 
 Ratinois. Oh ! It's glorious ! glorious ! glorious ! 
 
 Malingeae. (aside) This future father-in-law 
 certainly is a fanatic. I'm like my wife, I don't 
 understand one blooming thing about music, (mo- 
 ment of silence. Husbands and wives exchange 
 glances) 
 
 Madame M. (to husband) My dear, we are taking 
 too much of Monsieur and Madame Ratinois' time. 
 (Mme. M. gives her husband a look) 
 
 Madame R. Not at all ! 
 
 Ratinois. I have nothing to do. — I have retired 
 from business. 
 
 Malingeae. Ah ! you were in business, then ? 
 
 Ratinois. Yes. 
 
 Madame M. A steel man? (Mme. Ratinois sig- 
 nals him to be quiet) 
 
 Ratinois. (embarrassed) No! — I — I was 
 
 Madame R. (quickly) — a refiner — My husband 
 was a sugar refiner. 
 
 Malingeae. Ah ! that's a fine business ! 
 
 Ratinois. (aside) Confectioner or refiner, it's 
 sugar just the same ! 
 
 Madame M. (aside) The refiners are all million- 
 aires ! (another silence — Then business of Mme. M. 
 trying to get her husband up by nods, etc., — to hus- 
 band aloud) Doctor, you forget that we owe an an- 
 swer to 
 
56 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Malingeae. (rising) Oh ! yes — so we do — yes — 
 y-ee-s! (posing) Madame, and you, Monsieur, — 
 about two weeks ago, you made a demand of us which 
 flatters us as much as it honors us ! — (Monsieur and 
 Madame Ratinois bowing) Doctor! — Madame! 
 
 Malingeae. The inquiries which we have seen 
 fit to make — doubtless as you too have made in be- 
 half of Monsieur Frederick — and let me assure you, 
 not of an inquisitive nature — have been such that as 
 a result we have concluded that such an estimable 
 union with your most esteemed son not only would 
 please us but would honor us greatly in our estima- 
 tion, (panting — sits down — mops his brow) 
 
 Ratinois. (rising — very much moved) Doctor, I 
 believe I am the faithful interpreter of the senti- 
 ments of Madame Ratinois, — and of my own — and 
 of those of my son Frederick — a lawyer — when I say 
 to you with an emotion — which you can understand 
 — for it is that of a father — and you, Madame, are a 
 mother, — when I say to you: Doctor, receive from 
 this day the benedictions and the affectionate grati- 
 tude of a family — which — that — I will say more! of 
 a family which — (with effusion) Anyway, won't you 
 take dinner with us? (they rise) 
 
 Madame M. (surprised) Eh! 
 
 Malingee. What! To-day? 
 
 Madame R. Oh, it would be charming ! 
 
 Madame M. Some other day — later ! 
 
 Ratinois. Such an honor would be a great happi- 
 ness to us! 
 
 Madame R. It will just be a family party. 
 
 Ratinois. Won't you come, doctor? 
 
 Madame R, Madame? 
 
 Malingeae. Well, then, since you urge us ! — but 
 on one condition 
 
 Ratinois. What ? 
 
 Malingeae. That you make no ceremony for us. 
 
 Eatinois. Be tranquil. 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 57 
 
 Madame R. Our ordinary meal — nothing but our 
 ordinary meal, (she rings) You permit me? (low, 
 to Josephine who enters l.) Go instantly and get 
 Monsieur Chevet's caterer, (they come down front) 
 You know — Monsieur Chevet of that new million- 
 dollar hotel, the — oh ! you know where it is. (Ma- 
 dame K. leading her u. s.) 
 
 Josephine, (astonished) He's awfully expensive, 
 Madame. 
 
 Madame R. Wouldn't he come to a house like this ? 
 Not if we paid him? 
 
 Josephine. I guess he'd come for me. 
 
 Madame R, Quickly! quickly! (Josephine 
 leaves l. for her hat) 
 
 Madame M. (c, crossing e. to Madame R.) It's 
 understood that we won't dress up — for this? 
 
 Madame R. We shall remain just as we are. 
 
 Malingear. (crossing l.) Now, may I ask a few 
 a few moments' interview with you, Ratinois? 
 
 Ratinois. Certainly! I am entirely at your serv- 
 ice! (aside) He called me Ratinois! What if we 
 should get to calling each other by our first names ! 
 
 Malingear. (facing audience) We must talk over 
 our little arrangements. 
 
 Ratinois. (aside) The dowry!! (aloud) I 
 hope we shall have no difficulty. — If you will trouble 
 yourself to step into my study? 
 
 Malingear. (they go to door) After you, Rat- 
 inosis. 
 
 (Enter, Josephine, tying on bonnet.) 
 
 Ratinois. Certainly not! (makes him enter 
 first) Ratinois. I don't dare to call him Malingear 
 yet, leaving the " Doctor " off ! (they leave l. Jose- 
 phine goes out u. s.) 
 
 Madame R. (r.) Oh! won't Frederick be the 
 happy boy ! 
 
58 THE BLUFFERS; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Madame M. Between you and me, I don't think 
 this will displease my daughter a little bit ! 
 
 Madame R. The dear girl! I promise you to 
 love her as if I were her own mother ! 
 
 Madame M. Shall we talk over a little how they 
 shall start housekeeping? 
 
 Madame R. Oh ! quite willingly ! 
 
 (Madame Ratinois stands front R. facing l. 
 Mme. Malingear stands r. c.) 
 
 Madame M. {coming forward and R.) Day after 
 to-morrow we will hunt up an apartment for them. 
 
 Madame R. One on the first floor? 
 
 Madame M. Oh. a first floor apartment is too 
 low. A third floor one ! 
 
 Madame R. The third floor is too high. How 
 about the second? 
 
 Madame M. All right, then, a second. That's 
 only a matter of five or six thousand francs, (they 
 sit down front R.) 
 
 Madame R. Let's call it six thousand francs. 
 
 Madame M. (taking a small card and pencil from 
 her hag) Wait, I'll write it down on this card. 
 (writing) Rent, — six thousand francs. 
 
 Madame R. Clothes. That's important. 
 
 Madame M. It is — It's very difficult for a 
 woman who goes in a certain world of society to dress 
 on less than four or five thousand francs. That's 
 what I spend. 
 
 Madame R. (c.) So do I. Let's call it six thou- 
 sand francs. 
 
 Madame M. (ivriting) Clothes— 6,000 francs. 
 (aside) Certainly she isn't stingy! 
 
 Madame R. (aside) I! who spent only 900 
 francs last year for my clothes and then Ratinois 
 scolded me right royally ! 
 
 Madame M. The carriage! Do you think they 
 can afford a carriage? 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 59 
 
 Madame R. Certainly! (aside) If the dowry is 
 large enough! 
 
 Madame M. It's very disagreeable for a young 
 lady to tramp along in the mud — especially with 
 these hobble skirts they're wearing now-a-days! 
 
 Madame R. Oh ! it's impossible ! — There are car- 
 riages for hire. 
 
 Madame M. The cabs ! Oh ! don't mention those 
 awful boxes to me ! ! 
 
 Madame R. (quickly)' I wouldn't think of men- 
 tioning them ! 
 
 Madame M. They are black ! — and narrow ! 
 
 Madame R. And dirty ! I wouldn't get into one 
 for all the world ! (aside) I always go on foot ! 
 
 Madame M. I think that a nice little coupe 
 
 Madame R. With two pretty little horses. 
 
 Madame M. And a pretty little coachman. 
 
 Madame R. Let's call it six thousand francs. 
 
 Madame M. (writing) Coupe, 6,000 francs. 
 (aside) These refiners eat— gold ! (aloud) House- 
 hold expenses, table 
 
 Madame R. Let's call it six thousand francs. 
 
 Madame M. (writing down and then speaking) 
 It's enough, (adding) Six, twelve, eighteen, twenty- 
 four. Total : 24,000 francs.— That seems all right to 
 me. (tosses the card on the table) 
 
 Madame R. It's not too much, (aside) They 
 must be going to give an enormous dowry, (they 
 
 rise) 
 
 Malingear. (entering l. followed by Ratinois) 
 All right, then, Ratinois, you have my word. 
 
 Ratinois. And you mine, Malingear. (aside) 
 I've risked calling him that ! 
 
 Malingear (to the ladies) We are completely 
 agreed. — (crosses to wife) 
 
 Ratinois. Absolutely, Malingear. (aside) 
 again ! 
 
60 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 (Madame M. and Malingeae extreme front e.) 
 Madame M. (low to husband) How much? 
 Malingeae. (loiv) Hundred thousand. 
 Madame M. (aside, astonished) No more! 
 
 (Madame R. and Ratinois front l. c.) 
 
 Madame R. (low to husband) How much? 
 
 Ratinois. (low) Hundred thousand. 
 
 Madame R. (aside) Is that all! 
 
 Madame M. (low to husband) Let's go home. 
 (slowly) I want to speak to you. 
 
 Malingeae. (he makes haste, getting his hat u. R. 
 quickly) We must ask your permission to leave. — I 
 have some patients to see. (quickly) 
 
 Ratinois. The duchess? (l. front) 
 
 Madame R. (crossing u. R.) Then we shall see 
 you at six. (to Madame M.) And above all, no 
 dressing up ! 
 
 Madame M. Oh, that's understood, (bowing) 
 Madame 
 
 Ratinois. (front l.) Well, — see you later, Mal- 
 ingear. (they leave R. To wife) Ah! There's a 
 good thing finished. 
 
 Madame R. (u. r. Holds position u. r. in anger — 
 tense) A hundred thousand francs ! That's not seri- 
 ous ! 
 
 Ratinois. (astonished) What's that? 
 
 Madame R. That's meanness ! A hundred thou- 
 sand francs ! The idea ! 
 
 Ratinois. (matter-of-fact — suave — wife is on verge 
 of a storm) But, I can't afford any more. 
 
 Madame R. Can't help that ! Our son has a pro- 
 fession. He must be set up in style ! He is a lawyer. 
 
 Ratinois. But, he never pleads. 
 
 Madame R. He never pleads because he has no 
 cases ! 
 
 Ratinois. That's right, (after pondering — sud- 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 61 
 
 denly) But, if he has no cases it's just the same as 
 if he wasn't a lawyer ! 
 
 Madame R. {vary the tone — sympathy first — de- 
 termination — petulant anger) The cases will come. 
 He has the future before him. But, I can't see how 
 you ever came to accept this figure ! 
 
 Ratinois. A young couple who have 10,000 
 francs' income are pretty well off. 
 
 Madame R. (moves u. toward table) Yes, pretty 
 well off " Easy Street." 
 
 Ratinois. (sarcastically) You don't say so! 
 
 Madame R. (giving him the card from table) 
 Come, look at this. 
 
 Ratinois. What is it? 
 
 Madame R. An estimate of the children's ex- 
 penses which Madame Malingear jotted down while 
 3 r ou two were in there. 
 
 Ratinois. (reading) Rent — 6,000 francs, — 
 Clothes, coupe — 24.000 francs. — What does that 
 prove? Can't this estimate be reduced? (lays it 
 coolly on table) 
 
 Madame R. Oh, if Mademoiselle Malingear were 
 a simple young girl brought up on principles of order, 
 of economy — like us — in short, an ordinary girl, all 
 would be well. — But, a girl who takes lessons from 
 Caruso, — who paints in oil, and who — wouldn't, I 
 daresay, know how to sew a button on for her hus- 
 band! 
 
 Ratinois. It's true, that in a matter of 
 
 Madame R. She sings ! She has been cradled in 
 silk and lace all her life. She must have a swell 
 apartment, a carriage, a coachman — There's nothing 
 the matter with that, but, then, one must have a 
 dowry — a large dowry! 
 
 Ratinois. (suavely, not looking at her) Come, — 
 don't bother ! Frederick loves the little girl, and if 
 you should speak of breaking off this marriage 
 
62 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Madame R. (bearing down on him front L. and 
 bringing the quarrel to a head) It's uot a question 
 of breaking off ! The Malingears are rich — very rich 
 — people who have a footman ! 
 
 Ratinois. Yes, I have seen him. Seven or eight 
 feet, (indicating height with hands) 
 
 Madame R. Well, (turns, shrugs shoulders and 
 walks off L.) let them give more. You must talk 
 with the father again. He is going to come? 
 
 Ratnois. Yes, — I guess I must speak to him 
 again. 
 
 Madame R. What! You don't seem to under- 
 stand ! 
 
 Ratinois. (he speaks rapidly now) Yes! Yes! 
 but it's difficult to say to a man, — the 100,000 francs 
 which I give are enough — but yours are not enough. 
 It's very difficult! 
 
 Madame R. (she speaks slowly now) Bah! he is 
 vain. You must prick his balloon. Take him by his 
 pride. Offer to give something more yourself. That 
 will get him going, (extreme l.) 
 
 Ratinois. But we can't afford to go very far with 
 only 17,000 francs' income, (he crosses to her L. in 
 supplication) 
 
 Madame R. Then propose to give a present (l.) 
 some trifle, (tosses her head and crosses R. leaving 
 him with the burden) 
 
 Ratinois. A silver service! (aside) Uncle 
 Robert's ! 
 
 Josephine, (entering) Madame, here is the 
 caterer. 
 
 Madame R. Bring him in. (Josephine exit) 
 
 Ratinois. Constance, for goodness' sake, be sure 
 to do the right thing ! (he goes u. L.) 
 
 Madame R. Be tranquil ! 
 
 The Caterer, (entering and bowing.) Madame — 
 
 Madame R. Monsieur, we are going to have a 
 dinner. 
 
THE BLUFFERS; OH DUST IN THE EYES 63 
 
 Eatinois. (u. l. Seated) A grand dinner. 
 
 Caterer. How many people? 
 
 Madame E. We are — (thinking) six. 
 
 Eatinois. But have enough for twelve. We want 
 to do things right. We are entertaining a great man 
 — Doctor Malingear. You've doubtless heard of him. 
 
 Caterer. No, Monsieur. 
 
 Eatinois. Ah, of course! he only treats dis- 
 tinguished people. 
 
 Caterer. Here is what I propose, (writes on 
 small pad while he is talking) Two soups — " bisque " 
 — and " a la reine." 
 
 Eatinois. Truffles with them? 
 
 Caterer. No, Monsieur, there are no soups with 
 truffles ! 
 
 Eatinois. What a shame ! 
 
 Madame B. Next? 
 
 Caterer. That's the first course 
 
 (Enter Frederick.) 
 
 Frederick. Well, I'm back. 
 Eatinois and Madame E. Frederick! 
 
 (Frederick is surprised at the rapturous greeting.) 
 
 Eatinois. (rising) Don't you know? They have 
 come, (comes down l. Caterer is between them) 
 
 Frederick. Who? (stands stupefied u. R.) 
 
 Eatinois. The Malingears! 
 
 Madame B. The girl is pleased with you all right. 
 
 Eatinois. And the father and mother too. All is 
 arranged. 
 
 Frederick. Is it possible? 
 
 Madame B. (opening her arms) Ah! My boy! 
 (they embrace) 
 
 Eatinois. (opening his arms) How about me? 
 
 Frederick. Good old dad! (they embrace) 
 
 Caterer, (not knowing what to make of their 
 
64 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 actions and aside) I embarrass them! (goes up 
 stage and looks at a picture on ivall) 
 
 Ratinois. I invited them for dinner this evening. 
 
 Frederick. Ah ! what a good idea ! 
 
 Madame R. And we were just picking out what we 
 wanted to have 
 
 Ratinois. And here is the caterer! Why where 
 is he? (calling very loudly) Hey! Monsieur. 
 
 Caterer, (coming to front) Pardon me! 
 (Madame sits front r. and writes) 
 
 Ratinois. (to Frederick) We were at the second 
 course. You can help us. (sits) 
 
 Caterer. Second course — Rhenish carp from 
 Chambourd flanked with truffles. 
 
 Ratinois. (patting stomach) Ah! Fine (front 
 
 L.) 
 
 Caterer. With shrimps curled like earrings. 
 
 Ratinois. (suddenly — slapping knee) Oh! 
 diablotin ! 
 
 Frederick and Madame R. (shocked. Caterer 
 politely surprised but silent) What! (Frederick 
 putting up hat and cane. Madame R. writing 
 front R.) 
 
 Ratinois. I invited Uncle Robert ! The earrings 
 made me think of him ! 
 
 Madame R. Him f It's impossible ! 
 
 Frederick. Why ? 
 
 Madame R. Why we couldn't have him sit down 
 at the same table with the Malingears. (they all 
 crowd together jabbering — c.) 
 
 Frederick. " Why not ? " 
 
 Mme. R. " Of course not." 
 
 Ratinois. " It would never do." 
 
 Caterer. I embarrass them ! (returns to con- 
 templating picture) 
 
 Frederick. But he is my uncle! And a fine 
 man! 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 65 
 
 Eatinois. Yes, but he is not of our class of 
 society. Anyway, he has a certain style of eating! — 
 He puts his knife in his mouth ! 
 
 Madame E. And he serves himself from the dish 
 with his fork! (leaving Frederick c.) 
 
 Eatinois. And he drinks wine in his bouillon. 
 That may be good for the stomach but it's awful to 
 look at! 
 
 Frederick. That's not a reason, (c. Mme. re- 
 turns to Frederick soothingly during sarcastic 
 speech of Eatinois) 
 
 Eatinois. Now, look here! (c.) We are not 
 going to spoil the looks of this fine dinner we are 
 stinting ourselves to give by having him here. 
 (pauses in this speech and gestures) What do you 
 suppose Uncle Eobert would do if he got up against 
 Rhenish carp from Chambourd! (turns) With 
 truffles ! It would look like a dish of cabbage ! Do 
 you want us to have cabbage? 
 
 Madame E. We'll have him to-morrow instead. 
 (turns bach and goes to her, writing. Frederick to 
 piano) 
 
 Eatinois. To eat the leavings. That's all right. 
 Let us continue — after the carp? (looking for the 
 caterer) Where is he wow? (calling loudly) Hey! 
 Monsieur! — he's always going off! 
 
 Caterer, (returning) Pardon me. (c.) 
 
 Eatinois. After the carp? (r.) 
 
 Caterer. The entree: fillet of beef broiled with 
 fresh peas 
 
 Eatinois. With truffles ? 
 
 (Frederick is drifting toward piano, showing anger.) 
 
 Caterer. If you want them. 
 Eatinois. Certainly ! 
 
 Caterer. The roast! Chinese golden pheasant. 
 (sarcastically) With truffles ! 
 
66 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Ratinois. Fine! (to Frederick u. r.) Can 
 you imagine nncle Robert in the face of a Chinese 
 golden pheasant? He certainly would be flabber- 
 gasted. (Frederick plays at piano) 
 
 Caterer. For a side dish, I should suggest truffles 
 a la Lucullus — disguised — but you already have very 
 many truffles, (front l.) 
 
 Ratinois. No difference ! No difference ! 
 
 Madame R. Serve the truffles a la Lucullus — 
 Ratinois! Ah! (sitting u. R.) I dined once at a 
 house where they changed the knives and forks with 
 each course. 
 
 Caterer. That's done everywhere now. 
 
 Madame R. But I only have -two doz. knives and 
 two doz. forks — and I think one or two of the forks 
 are lost. 
 
 Ratinois. Well, then you needn't change mine. 
 
 Frederick. Nor mine! (hits high note then 
 higher then higher note) 
 
 Madame R. Nor mine ! 
 
 Caterer. We will wash them as we proceed. 
 
 Ratinois. That's a good idea ! Now, how about 
 the dessert? (leaning forward awkwardly) 
 
 Caterer. For a centerpiece, I should propose a 
 structure of pastry. 
 
 Ratinois. Something very high ! 
 
 Caterer. It is a Nankin tower, built of pine- 
 apples and on top of a cake, and the tower sur- 
 mounted by a Chinaman made of spun sugar. 
 
 Madame R. Ah, that would be fine ! (rubs hands 
 and sits back) 
 
 Ratinois. What do you sell those for? 
 
 Caterer. Sixty four francs. 
 
 Ratinois. Ah, sugar things ! I'm up on them, — 
 since I used to be a 
 
 Madame R. (quickly) Very well, we'll see. — We 
 will think it over. 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 67 
 
 Caterer. It will be ready whenever you wish it. 
 Besides this, there will be an ice of course. — And 
 which brand of champagne do you prefer " Moet " or 
 "The Widows?" 
 
 Madame B. " The Widow's ? " 
 
 Eatinois. What widow's? 
 
 Caterer. The widow Cliquot. It's the very best. 
 
 Eatinois. And what do you sell that for? 
 
 Caterer. Twelve francs. The "Moet" is only 
 six. 
 
 Eatinois. Very well. We'll see — we'll think it 
 over. 
 
 Madame E. Have dinner at six, sharp. 
 
 (Madame E. counting up, and planning r.) 
 
 Caterer. Eest easy, Madame, (starts to leave) 
 
 Eatinios. (calling him hack) Ho! Monsieur 
 Caterer. 
 
 Caterer. Monsieur ? 
 
 Eatinois. There's another important dish whose 
 name I've forgotten. It comes at the very last. — It's 
 warm water with peppermint in it that you drink. — 
 
 Caterer. Those are Finger bowls. 
 
 Frederick. You don't drink them ! (to audience, 
 defiantly) 
 
 Eatinois. (astonished) What! 7 drink them! 
 
 Caterer, (leaving, aside) Well, these are com- 
 mon people, (disappears u. l. into study) 
 
 Eatinois. Well, I guess we're going to have a nice 
 little dinner! People will talk about it! — but I 
 drink them, (more defiantly to audience, crossing l.) 
 
 Madame E. We've forgotten the most important 
 thing of the whole business! 
 
 Eatinois. What's that? 
 
 Madame E. (c.) The Malingears have a footman. 
 We've simply got to have somebody in a livery. 
 
 Eatinois. That's true. 
 
68 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN TEE EYES 
 
 Frederick. What for? 
 
 Ratinois. We've got to do things right. 
 
 Madame R. (aside) The people on the first floor 
 have gone away and left their servants in charge. — If 
 I (rises) could — (aloud) come, Frederick, I need 
 you. I have some things I want you to do. (picks 
 him up) 
 
 Frederick. All right, mother, (they both leave 
 
 L.) 
 
 Ratinois. (aloud) A Livery ! We only have 
 Josephine — we couldn't put her in one! (l.) 
 
 Robert, (entering r.) Here I am! 
 
 Ratinois. (surprised) Uncle Robert! 
 
 Robert. I'm ahead of time, but I've brought an 
 appetite. 
 
 Ratinois. (aside — ironically) A lucky chance! — 
 I must find a way to dis -invite him without getting 
 him sore. 
 
 Robert. On the way, I stopped at Lesage's and 
 bought a pie. — I left it with Josephine. 
 
 Ratinois. Ah ! good Uncle Robert. 
 
 Robert. The Rubber plant will come, in a little 
 while. 
 
 Ratinois. Oh, goodness ! It just occurs to me — 
 
 Robert. What ? 
 
 Ratinois. Tell me frankly, I invited you to 
 dinner, didn't I? 
 
 Robert. Certainly. 
 
 Ratinois. I was sure of it. 
 
 Robert. Well? 
 
 Ratinois. It's impossible ! We are dining out to- 
 night. My wife just reminded me of it. 
 
 Robert. Ah ! that's annoying ! 
 
 Ratinois. It's at the Blanch ard's. Can't get out 
 of it. They have received some game from a friend 
 in the country. 
 
 Robert. I understand. 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 69 
 
 Ratinois. Then you're not angry? 
 
 Robert. Of course not! And that pie? 
 
 Ratinois. We'll eat it to-morrow. We are count- 
 ing on you. 
 
 Robert. All right. Good-bye. Have a good time. 
 
 Ratinois. Till to-moTrow. 
 
 Robert, (coming bach) I have an idea! I have 
 something I want to say to Blanchard. I'll drop in 
 and take a cup of coffee with you. 
 
 Ratinois. (aside) Oh! the devil! 
 
 Robert. Till this evening! (exit r.) 
 
 Ratinois. This is a fine fix ! He won't find us at 
 Blanchard's and then won't there be a row ! 
 
 Frederick:, (entering with boohs and stereoscope 
 u. L.) Here's what I bought. 
 
 Ratinois. What did you get? 
 
 Frederick. This is a photograph album, — mother 
 said to put it out on the table where it's sure to be 
 seen. — They'll think we know these people. 
 
 Ratinois. That's a good idea! (turning over the 
 leaves) The President, Jack Johnson, Roosevelt, 
 Andrew Carnegie, Edmund Rostrand, Paderewski. 
 
 Frederick, (shoiving him a small box) This is 
 for you. 
 
 Ratinois. What is it? A chain? 
 
 Frederick. Yes, a watch-chain. 
 
 Ratinois. Gee — blamed if it's not bigger than 
 Malingear's! (attaches it to watch) Magnificent! 
 It will have a superb effect ! 
 
 Frederick. It's only an imitation, but you don't 
 need to say that. 
 
 Ratinois. (indignantly) Imitation ! (after re- 
 flecting) After all when imitations seem to be the 
 real thing — they are no longer imitations ! (a tall 
 servant in livery enters L. with two lighted lamps — to 
 Frederick) Who is that fellow? Do you know 
 him? 
 
70 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Frederick. No ! 
 
 Ratinois. (to the servant who puts lamp on mantel 
 piece) My friend, where are you from? 
 
 Servant. I'm the servant of the people on the 
 first floor. 
 
 Ratinois. Ah. Very well. (to Frederick) 
 She's commanded him! He is superb, though. 
 (looking admiringly at the servant who leaves) But 
 not so tall as Malingear's. (a noise of a carriage 
 without) 
 
 Frederick, (running to the window) A carriage ! 
 It's them! 
 
 Ratinois. And my wife isn't here! (calling l. 
 upstairs) Constance ! Constance ! 
 
 (The door at r. opens and a little negro in livery 
 enters — announces. ) 
 
 The Negro. Monsieur — madame and madem- 
 oiselle Malingear. 
 
 Ratinois. (aside) A negro! Well, I'm blamed! 
 How these women can pull the strings and get any- 
 thing they want beats me ! (going to meet the 
 Malingears) Madame, Mademoiselle. 
 
 Frederick, (boiving) Mademoiselle Emmeline. 
 (leads her u. s. She looks timidly toward mother) 
 
 Madame M. (low to husband) They have a negro ! 
 Have you noticed ? 
 
 Malingear. Yes ! These refiners can afford any- 
 thing ! 
 
 (Ratinois crosses front l. still shaking his head over 
 the negro — glances up the stairs as if about to 
 call his wife, then turns suddenly.) 
 
 Ratinois. (to Madame M.) Oh, madame! 
 (shaking head sorrowfully) I'm sorry ! 
 Madame M. What's the matter? 
 Ratinois. We agreed not to dress up — and you 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 71 
 
 have made yourself so ravishingly beautiful in that 
 dress that our little dinner will seem entirely un- 
 worthy ! 
 
 Madame M. Oh, all this is very simple. 
 
 (The men look on with hands upraised. The women 
 eye each other like cats.) 
 
 Ratinois. My wife isn't dressing up for this and 
 I'm sure she will scold you ! Here she is ! (seeing 
 the toilet of his wife, composed of different colors and 
 very conspicuous) Holy cats ! A rainbow ! 
 
 Madame R. (coming down the stairs) Dear, good 
 madame ! How sweet you look ! (fan business) 
 
 Madame M. (c.) We were so eager to be with 
 you. (aside) What a combination of colors! It's 
 criminal ! (aloud) What a pretty dress ! 
 
 Madame R. It doesn't begin to compare with 
 yours! (aside) A dress with gold all over it! 
 What poor taste ! 
 
 Frederic, (who has been trying to coax Emme- 
 line out) Mother, shall we go into the drawing- 
 room? 
 
 Madame R. Certainly. (Frederick rushes out 
 eagerly with Emmeline — others follow slowly) 
 
 Ratinois. More chicken tracks. They 
 
 Malingear. (low) Yes. 
 
 Madame R. (low to husband) Keep Monsieur 
 Ratinois here and speak to him about the dowry! 
 
 Ratinois. (low) Be tranquil. 
 
 Madame R. (indicating door of drawing room) 
 Madame! (they leave R. Thinking they are follow- 
 ing Frederick and Emmeline) 
 
 Ratinois. (l. aside) Now we are alone. It's not 
 easy to get at this affair ! 
 
 Malingear. (r. aside) How the deuce can I get 
 started ! 
 
 Ratinois. (c. approaching him) My dear Mai- 
 
72 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 ingear, it certainly is kind of you to have accepted our 
 little dinner! 
 
 Malingear. (c. They lean over the table) You 
 put it so nicely! 
 
 Eatinois. Oh, it's because I like you ! 
 
 Malingear. Same here, that's why we came. 
 
 Eatinois. {shaking his hand) Good Malingear! 
 
 Malingear. {the same) Excellent Eatinois! 
 
 {They pose. — Then E. leads M. l., and drops him 
 
 L. C.) 
 
 Eatinois. By the way, don't you think we settled 
 that question of dowry rather suddenly? {they sit 
 down at table at l.) 
 
 {Turning suddenly and pointing his finger. He is 
 near piano u. l.) 
 
 Malingear. Yes — very suddenly, {he crosses 
 quickly to table l.) You spoke of a hundred thou- 
 sand francs, {he sits) 
 
 Eatinois. That's just a figure which I mentioned 
 — off-hand — but that needn't bind you. 
 
 Malingear. I thought the same — a great refiner — 
 
 Eatinois. {he sits) And you, a famous doctor — 
 who receives 4,000 francs at a single crack. 
 
 Malingear. Who ? Me ? 
 
 Eatinois. I counted them ! — Wait, I am disposed 
 to make a sacrifice — I will give the silverware! 
 
 Malingear, {astonished) Ah! 
 
 Eatinois. And } r ou? 
 
 Malingear. Me ? I offer a set of dishes. 
 
 Eatinois. {astonished) Ah! {crosses aside) I 
 must make him toe the mark ! {aloud) Malingear, 
 we must consider the increased cost of living ! (sits) 
 
 Malingear. That's right. And a person who 
 used to get along comfortably on 10,000 francs' in- 
 come finds himself pretty hard pressed nowadays. 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 73 
 
 Ratinois. Yes — and we don't want our children 
 to be hard pressed for money, do we? 
 
 Malingear. Certainly not! 
 
 Ratinois. And can you see your daughter, your 
 dear daughter, obliged to count up to see whether she 
 can afford a decent dress or some cashmere thing? 
 
 Malingear. And your son, your only son, reduced 
 to taking any little one-horse case that should come 
 along? 
 
 Ratinois. Oh! don't speak of my son. A man 
 can always manage to get along somehow. But she — 
 your child ! — who is your joy, your darling — for you 
 love your daughter very much, don't you? 
 
 Malingear. Almost as much as you love Fred- 
 erick. 
 
 Ratinois. Yes — only don't let's speak of Fred- 
 erick — Talk about Emmeline — She must lead a life of 
 silk and gold ! 
 
 Malingear. Ah ! Thanks for her ! 
 
 Ratinois. From which I conclude that the dowry 
 must be increased. 
 
 Malingear. That's exactly what I think. 
 
 Ratinois. Well, then fix it yourself. I accept the 
 advance. 
 
 Malingear. I think that a hundred and fifty 
 thousand francs 
 
 Ratinois. Ah! Malingear! That isn't enough! 
 
 Malingear. Then let's make it 200,000. 
 
 Ratinois. (rising) All right. I will give the 
 silverware and you 200,000 — (walks up) 
 
 Malingear. (rising) What! It's you who are 
 to give them ! (comes down l.) 
 
 Ratinois. Me? Certainly not! 
 
 Malingear. Why me and not you? (advancing) 
 
 Ratinois. Because a man in your position — who 
 has a carriage, a box at the opera and a footman ! 
 
 Malingear. But you have a carriage too, and a 
 
74 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 box at the opera — and a negro — who costs more. 
 (advancing) 
 
 Eatinois. Me! Me! It's not the same thing! 
 
 Malingear. Certainly, you're not pretending to 
 a luxury above your position ? 
 
 Eatinois. Not at all! My position is superb — 
 My position is magnificent, (advancing) 
 
 Malingear. Well then in all justice we must each 
 give the same amount — each 200,000 francs, (they 
 turn — Malingear l. Eatinois r. — aside) I have 
 22,000 francs' income— There are only 12,000 left. 
 
 Eatinois. (aside) Himmel ! I have 17,000 
 francs' income — that only leaves me seven ! It's im- 
 possible, (turns abruptly at end of E. speech) 
 
 Malingear. You hesitate? — For a miserable 
 question of money? 
 
 Eatinois. I don't hesitate. A hundred thousand 
 francs more or less ? What difference does that make 
 to me? I offer 300,000! That's how I hesitate! 
 (advances) 
 
 Malingear. (astonished) What! 300,000 
 francs ? 
 
 Eatinois. (aside) I'll raise him till he backs out 
 and then I'll slip out too. (aloud) You back out? 
 
 Malingear. Not at all! I was thinking. I 
 propose 400,000. 
 
 Eatinois. It's not enough. 500,000. 
 
 Malingear. It's not enough. 600,000. 
 
 Eatinois. It's not enough. 
 
 Eobert. (enters with a Rubier plant) What! 
 600.000 francs ! 
 
 Eatinois. (aside) Uncle Eobert! I was just 
 going to say a million! — I would have risked it! 
 (aloud — introducing him) Monsieur Malingear, the 
 — ah ! the future father-in-law. 
 
 (Slow with mwvh business.) 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 75 
 
 Robert. Yes — we have had some business to- 
 gether. 
 
 Ratinois. You what ? 
 
 Robert, (c.) — just some little formalities. 
 
 Malingear. We were speaking of the dowry. 
 
 Robert, (setting down the Rubber plant c.) 
 What! And you are going to give 600,000 francs? 
 (bowing to him) Ah! Monsieur! Let me congratu- 
 late you! 
 
 Malingear. But, Monsieur Ratinois was going to 
 give just as much ! 
 
 Robert. What ! you ! 
 
 Ratinois. (embarrassed) Naturally, (u. r.) 
 
 Robert, (to Ratinois u. r.) My compliments! 
 I didn't know you had that much altogether ! 
 
 Ratinois. That much ! Of course I have that 
 much ! But when one finds himself up against a 
 millionaire who makes demands 
 
 Malingear. Ah, pardon me, monsieur, I didn't 
 demand — on the contrary, it was you who 
 
 Ratinois. Me? I proposed the silverware and 
 then you started off on 
 
 Malingear. What! I started off? — I said I'd 
 give a set of dishes and you replied coldly " Ah ! " 
 yes "Ah." 
 
 (They speak coldly and walk apart.) 
 
 Ratinois. I replied Ah! Haven't I a right to? 
 But not coldly. 
 
 Malingear. Ah, pardon me, monsieur. 
 Ratinois. (coldly) Pardon yourself. 
 Robert. Haven't you stopped scrapping yet? 
 
 (Warmly and get together.) 
 
 Ratinois. Of course we've stopped — if you look 
 at it that way — but I didn't reply coldly, (c. 
 positively) 
 
76 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Malingear. (pugnaciously c.) I beg your pardon ! 
 Ratinois. No, monsieur. 
 
 (Robert raises hands helplessly and crosses up.) 
 
 Malingear. What, monsieur ! 
 
 Ratinois. Do you want me to tell you what I 
 think you're trying to do? 
 
 Malingear. You will do me the kindness. 
 
 Ratinois. You're sneaking for a way to break 
 this marriage! 
 
 Malingear. What! sneaking! 
 
 Ratinois. Sneaking ! I don't take it back ! But 
 I who am an honest man 
 
 Malingear. No more than I! 
 
 Ratinois. It's possible, but as I am not trying to 
 sneak out, I say in short 
 
 Both, (they separate L. and R.) Let's break! 
 
 Robert, (c.) Come! Don't get excited! 
 
 Ratinois. Ba-a-ah ! I'm not excited, (aside with 
 satisfaction) It's all right! He's backed out! 
 
 Malingear. (aside with satisfaction) It's all off 
 now! He's backed out! (sits) 
 
 Robert. What ! broken off ? (sadly to Ratinois) 
 It's fortunate that your son doesn't love Mile. Mal- 
 ingear isn't it? 
 
 Ratinois. Doesn't love her! — Doesn't love her! 
 Well, rather! — He's crazy about her. But what's 
 that got to do with it? 
 
 Robert, (to Malingear) And that Mile. Em- 
 meline was only indifferently taken with Frederick? 
 
 Malingear. Indifferently ! (sarcastically) 
 Well, yes, she does seem to like him a little, — but 
 
 Robert, (supplying his words) But what's that 
 got to do with it? Isn't that it? 
 
 Malingear. Pardon me. I didn't say that 
 
 Robert, (bursting forth) No, I won't pardon 
 you ! You are both of you vain as peacocks, proud 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 77 
 
 Malingear. Monsieur ! 
 Eatinois. Uncle Robert ! 
 
 Robert. Fve held myself in for a quarter of an 
 hour and I can't do it any longer! — You've both of 
 you been trying for the last two weeks to dazzle each 
 other ! to deceive each other ! to lie to each other 
 
 Both. What! 
 
 Robert. Yes to lie to each other by promising 
 dowries you couldn't begin to pay! Isn't it true? 
 You've been parading around in feathers which aren't 
 your own! 
 
 Ratinois. But 
 
 Robert. No "buts" to it! I've been talking 
 with the servants. When I want to know anything, 
 I ask the servants. That's my system. 
 
 Ratinois. What could they tell you ? 
 
 Robert. First, I met a negro in the kitchen — a 
 negro hanging around the kitchen ! It's not proper ! 
 And then your royal highness has rented a carriage 
 by the month and taken a box at the opera ! Ratinois 
 at the opera ! Piff ! 
 
 Ratinois. But it seems to me that a theatre 
 
 Robert. Which bores you! 
 
 Ratinois. (indignantly) Well! — what's that got 
 to do with it? 
 
 Robert. I say it bores you! — and your wife too! 
 — (indicating Malingear) and Monsieur too! 
 
 Ratinois. Oh! Well! Yes! I guess it's true! 
 (rises lamely and starts up) 
 
 Malingear. I swear to you that Italian opera — 
 (he is about to condemn it in the strongest terms) 
 
 Robert. Then what do you rent boxes for? 
 
 Malingear. It's my wife 
 
 Ratinois. It's the women 
 
 Robert, (c. Then u. r.) You do it to make a 
 stir, to be high-toned! sporty! To-day that's the 
 fashion ; you throw dust in each other's eyes, you " do 
 
78 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 the peacock" — you swell — like balloons, and when 
 you are all puffed up with vanity — rather than admit 
 it — rather than say : " We are two good simple 
 families — of the common people," you prefer to 
 sacrifice the future, the happiness of your children — 
 they love each other — but you say — " What's that got 
 to do with it ? " And these are fathers ! — Good-night ! 
 (starts to leave) 
 
 Ratinois. (holding him bach) Good uncle 
 Robert, wait! (much moved) Uncle Robert, — You 
 haven't wit, you haven't education, (hitting self over 
 heart) but you've got this! 
 
 Malingear. Oh ! Yes ! 
 
 (Robert puts his hat down again.) 
 
 Ratinois. (very much moved) You have moved 
 me very much, — you have upset me. You have 
 shown me I'm a father who ought to be kicked out of 
 the window, (indicating Malingear) And you 
 too! (change of tone) But it isn't my fault, — It's 
 my wife's! She'll have to answer for it to me! 
 (softening) And I swear to you if ever — if ever on 
 any account you see me faltering on the way which — 
 that — on the way — that — which — (suddenly) Any- 
 how won't you dine with us? (u. R.) 
 
 (Enter Madames, Ratinois and Malingear, Mlle. 
 Emmeline and Frederick l.) 
 
 Ratinois. Robert. Mme. Malingear. 
 
 Malingear. Mme. Ratinois 
 
 Emmeline. Frederick. 
 
 Madame R. (facing Robert and Malingear, not 
 seeing her husband u. R.) Well, gentlemen, are you 
 going to leave us alone forever? (Emmeline and 
 Frederick cross quickly to stairs) 
 
 Ratinois. Ah, here's my wife. Woman! come 
 here! 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 79 
 
 Malingear. (severely to wife) Woman! come 
 here ! 
 (They advance a few steps each toward husbands.) 
 
 Madame R. What! 
 
 Madame M. What's the matter? 
 
 Ratinois. (to wife) Wicked mother! All puffed 
 up with vanity ! But it's the fashion now ! 
 
 Malingear. (to his wife) You " do the peacock." 
 (imitating Uncle Robert) 
 
 Ratinois. You swell up like balloons! (Rat- 
 inois takes position front r. and imitates Uncle 
 Robert) 
 
 Malingear. You don't care a straw for sacrific- 
 ing the future, the happiness of your children ! 
 
 Ratinois. For they do love each other — but you 
 say — " What's that got to do with it ? " — And these 
 are mothers ! — Good-night ! (puts on Robert's hat, 
 which is too large) 
 
 Madame M. What's got into you? (crosses to 
 front L. extreme, taking her husband) 
 
 Madame R. Explain to me — (catching Ratinois 
 as he is about to reach door up) 
 
 Ratinois. (with vehemence) Go to your knitting 
 — for you knit my socks yourself (stalks across in 
 front of wife and takes position front R.) 
 
 Malingear (the same) And my wife, too, Mon- 
 sieur! (leaves wife front l. and crosses c.) 
 
 Madame R, What! You? Madame? (u. R.) 
 
 Ratinois. Yes! Down with these pretenses! 
 down with the masks ! I'm Ratinois, — former con- 
 fectioner — not a refiner ! 
 
 Malingear and Madame M. What? (Mal- 
 ingear recoils from him, joining wife L.) 
 
 Madame R. But, my dear — (advancing half way 
 toward him) 
 
 Ratinois. Leave me alone, (indicating wife) 
 She used to be cashier of "the Sign of the Silver 
 
80 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Pestle." We give a hundred thousand francs' dowry 
 to our son. (c) 
 
 (Ratinois poses c. then drops back r.) 
 
 Malingeak. In my turn! (c.) Malingear, a 
 doctor without practice ! 
 
 Madame R. What! 
 
 Ratinois. But, the duchess ! 
 
 Malingeak. I only had one patient this last year. 
 — a coachman — free of charge ! We give a hundred 
 thousand francs to our daughter! (drops back L.) 
 
 Rorert. (c.) In my turn! Robert, wood 
 merchant, come to Paris with 12 cents in my pocket. 
 I give a hundred thousand francs' dowry to my 
 nephew. 
 
 Frederick, (advancing) Ah, Uncle Robert! 
 
 Emmeline. Good Uncle Robert ! 
 
 Ratinois. (striking himself over the heart) He 
 has this! 
 
 (Fredrick returns immediately to stairs. They 
 have the following positions:) 
 
 Caterer. 
 Madame Ratinois Frederick 
 
 Uncle Robert Emmeline 
 
 Monsieur Ratinois 
 
 M. & Mme. Malingear 
 
 (Bell rings and immediately Caterer enters u. L.) 
 
 Caterer. Dinner is served ! 
 
 Robert, (starting out) Come! To Dinner! 
 
 Ratinois. One moment! 
 
 All. What! 
 
 Ratinois. I have ordered a crazy dinner — I'm 
 ashamed of it. Six courses of truffles ! 
 
 All. (reproachingly) Oh, Ratinois! 
 
 Malingear. And you the father of a family ! 
 
 Ratinois. Maybe I could get Monsieur Chevet to 
 take them back? 
 
THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 81 
 
 All. Oh no ! Caterer turns away with a gesture 
 of refusal) 
 Robert. I'm opposed to that. 
 
 (Josephine enters, carrying the pie Uncle Robert 
 brought She crosses from the right to a po- 
 sition down center and stands with the pie 
 raised aloft.) 
 
 Josephine. And here's the pie-eye! 
 
 Ratinois. Then, let's eat it — It shall be our pun- 
 ishment. Shall we dine? (Josephine puts pie on 
 table c. and goes L.) 
 
 (All start toward dining room and begin 
 chattering at once. See cues below. Caterer 
 comes forward along left side making eyes 
 at Josephine. Josephine turns toiuard 
 dining room. Caterer gets pie and follows. 
 Two serving maids enter u. L. and stand one on 
 each side of door. Malingear turns and slialces 
 finger at Emmeline on stairs. Then calls his 
 wife's attention to her daughter. Frederick 
 and Emmeline come forward in an argument, 
 Emmeline leading the way. They follovj after 
 the Caterer and Josephine. Ratinois crosses 
 to his wife, then returns down c. and bows deeply 
 across stage to the Malingears. Malingear 
 leaves his wife and crosses to Madame Ratinois. 
 Ratinois crosses to Madame Malingear. 
 
 (The chatter will be effected by using following 
 lines, repeating them over and over.) 
 
 Caterer, (to Josephine) Ahem ! 
 Josephine. 0, yon men ! 
 Malingear. (to wife) Our daughter! 
 Madame Malingear. She's all right. 
 Frederick, (to Emmeline) But, it was your 
 footprint ! 
 
7 ~a s^i£ 
 
 82 THE BLUFFERS ; OR DUST IN THE EYES 
 
 Emmeline. No ! no ! 
 
 Kaunois. (to wife) Be sure to do things right! 
 
 Mme. Ratinois. You! 
 
 Ratinois. (crossing c. and lowing) Madame! 
 Monsieur ! 
 
 Malingear. (crossing to Mme. Ratinois and 
 laughing at M. Ratinois) He thought I would never 
 consent ! 
 
 Mme. Ratinois. Ha! ha! Naughty Doctor! 
 (imitating mock letter from the Duchess) Ha! ha! 
 ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 
 Mme. Malingeab. (to Ratinois imitating his 
 speech) The honor will honor our honorable family 
 —Ha! ha! ha! 
 
 |(All the guests chattering at once, repeat the above 
 lines over and over and begin to go off. They do 
 not start off immediately. When the first ones 
 are near dining room door and the others are 
 beginning to be paired off, drop quick curtain. 
 
 CUKTAIK