Class yS6?g Book .^i6s^g -4 fi> '^ \\S^?>0^^ '..ILIil. IMlillllll.lMII III II llllll I .IhllM I Ih II Mill llllllllinn Ulll.llll ^^^^^i^fll^fc^^^-^-x; ^1 I ^^^Sfi _\-=^ -."^'7?*.^^^-*%? SCEKE I. LcuiM, Dare to call my uncle, sir, and 1*11 slap your face. ^Turner's f3wmatfc fLlbxntv. THE DEAD SHOT A POPULAR FARCE. IN ONE ACT. BY JOHN BALDWIN BUCKSTONE, Author of Luke the Laborer ; The Happiest Day of My Life Snakes in the Grass ; S)C., &^c. I'F.INTED rnOM THE BEST ACTING COPY, WITU nEMAKKS, BIOGRAPHICAL AND CniTlCAL, BY E. T. W. To which is added k description of the Costume. Cast of Uie Characters, Exits and Entrances, aiul the wi;o!p of the Siage Business, Properties, and Directions AS NOW PEIIFORMED IN THE LONDON AND AMERICAN THEATRES. .- W'.Tff A FINE SPIRITED ENGRAVCXG, By WooDsiDE, from a Drawing taken in tlie Tlieatre. FREDERICK TURNER, PUBLISHER; SOLD BY TURJ^TER JIXD FISHER, 11 NORTH SIXTH STREET. /V/f/^ TMP92-008370 J|k 5 THE DEAX) SHOT. s SUcniarlts. We are not much disposed to pronounce a litisty or too elaborate ax opinion upon the merits or de-inerils of any work without findiug upon careful examination that it bears some spfciul mark of comirjen- dation or censure ; it, however, requires but little discernment to pcr- (Etive what is worthy of a few favorable remarks on this piece, ajid the more we analyse its merils, the more we are pleased. This aiiiui^ina little farce was first performed at the Adelphia Thea- tre, Loi.don, teveral years ugo, and lia^ since been produced witli great succ(•^s at ail the theasres in thai place, and in this country. - Tlie author has shown mucii »kil! in the management and situaii )n of Ids cl a acters, as also in the [lot — and we do not remember a scewe that produces a more lively entertainment than that between Louisa nnd 'I'iniid ; indee I, throughout, each character exhibits a degree of intciKst and humor. Wr. J.ines in the character of Timid, has been alway.- admiied* He plays it io his arcnsioined stylr, which few or no actors of the iircsent day can upproach. In many characters this gentlcniau has l»ad no eqnai since the days of Francis. Mr. Murdi»ck'« represent 'Sion of Frederick is a neat performance. Alihouth but young, and a j-hort space of imie elapsed since he made his first npjicarance as uu actor, he has airaulybeeu classed as a finished performer. His talents in public, are rendered more vahiiible to hini8;j;f and friends, by his amiable and gentlemanly depottment in private life. Mrs. Rowbotliam perhaps cannot be surpassed in Loiii«.a; in the spi- rited and fasciratinj this Indy is pre einiinrit-, and ft)r the lovers of 'he Drama It is to be hoj e I, that slie will long remain so. 'Jliishaipy c mbinaiKm of talei.t, joined with the m^riis of the piece, make ii one of the most nniuishig after-pie es that at present lioljj poKreKsioi of the St«ge. E. T. \V. DRAMATIS PEKSON^. Frederick Mr. Murdock. Captain Cannon...,* Mr. Watson. Timid Mr. Jones. Wiseman - . ...Mr. Kent. Williams Mr.tberle. Police Officers. Louisa , .IVIrs. Robotham. Chatter. Mrs. Stickney. COSTUME. Capt. Cannon — Plain old man'* suii — morning gown. Jilr- Hector Timid — Sliori green cent, nankeen irovvsers, striped silk stockings, wliite hat, and white waistcout. Mr. Wiseman — Plain suit of black. Frederick Thornton— Bine suriout, wliite trowserj, and b»otl. Jyouisa — Blue«alin dress;, and bine shoes. Ohattcr — Flowered muslin gown, while apron, and cap. PROPERTIFS. Table— red baize— Two Ciialrs—Bcoks— White rose— waiter, gloves, wine — blood for Frtderick. EXITS AND ENTRANCES. R. means Tiight; L. Lejt\ R.D. Ui^ht Door; L.D. Left Vaor'. S,!!.. Second Entrance ; U. E. Upper Entrance ; M.D. Middle Door, RELATIVE POSITIONS. R. R.C. C. L.C. L. O" Ttu Header it lupponed to be oh the Stage facing tJit Audience, THE PE/ID 8j2©T. SC l^XF..-— -Jk Aptnlnieiit — A f raci'irahU it'ti.dinr oi ^il E.L. H. —J closet on 'S(l I . !!. II. uilhicq in the I.e u-hvta.-^A'tamT corered tvit h red haiz e — 1« the heels of ^ yflWfc boota, m- C'aptaiR <.V.ih«« will he;ii yew. I hive shock- ing news for you — mymast'cr iias c-on)e to a dettrm.ination— my mistress is in desjjiair, and 1 am luttlly inistMable. Fred. Let me know the worst, my dear Chatter, as you love me. Chtit. The fact of the matter is thit — I liave been looking for you this half hour, and llie iDomenf 1 caught a glimpse of you, I beckoned you into l!i* hous<; to iiituini you ot the hor- rid climax things ha>e aiiivt-d at. iMy mas'ei is preparing to receive youj;.rfi»-»tf, i Ifty Jiii.^ti4»»s .ig ^.cp.iriiig to die of a broken heart, and I'm preparing you to follow her to the grave, and be buried at the s.ime time. Fred. In the name of patience, Cliatler, what do you mean'? Chat. Well then, in short Fred. Yes, yes, now don't be so long. Cliat. INJy master. Captain Oannon, has come to a resolu- tion, that his niece shall this very day make choice of one of her suitors for her future husband. Mr. Hector 1 imid, is expected here every minute, and Mr. Wiseman in about half- anhour J during which time, Miss Louisa is to make up her 10 DEAD »HOT, mind which is to be the man. One of your fraternity is to be called in, in three quatlfers of an hour, and in one hourf from this moment you and my mistress will be miserable for" life, and 1 shall sit down to ruminate on that old poetical adage, that the course of true love never did run smooth. Fred. 1% that the fact 1 Chat. It is indeed, Fred. What is to he donel Chatter, Chatter, what shall 1 do. Chat. Act with prudence, a'nd be patient. Fred. T can't— indeed I can't. Chat. If that is the case, I would advise you to look out for the most hoiizontal branch of a tree, and tlie stoutest rope you can find— for nothing but despair awaits you; and what is the most approved remedy for despair, but a pistol or a halterl — But he shan't be so suicidal if he will only listen to me half a moment. Come hither Mr. Frederick, my mistress Ins a plan — 1 have a small quantity of artfulness, and you must also possess a little presence of mind, and these, with some of the ([uirks and quiddities of your profession, will bring us to the point we aim at, A PT^iN Canno n heard without tLii. caUiiig "Chatter." Chat. Coming directly, sir, Capt, C. (witlio'it) Where have you laid my razors, Chattejl Chat, {speaking off) Close to your profile on the mantle- shelf, sir. You remain here a second, while I step to the Captain. [Ru7, ft.n, Fred. His razors — T wish %£^^ cut his throat with them, with all my heart. If he shoulcl^d me here I'm lost forever. CJiat. IIusli! he's coming down stairs — so do you retire into this closet for the space of half-an-lioiir : if you can't aUiUse yourself with your thoughts, you may take a short nap ; and if you can't sleep, make upycur mind to be as miserable as possible in case of disappointments. Fred. ]Wt suppose 1 should be discovered, Chatter? Chut. All you luive to do Is to sit still-<— you can make a seat of one of the shelves, and 1 shall lock you in to prevent acci lents, and call ycu out iu case we should require your M^. PEAD SII< 11 t in with you, and be 'nto the clo set , r. lu K assistance. Now no words aboul i a quiet patient good boy. ( She ^d E. (Did /oy/g the dot^r, andvjct^S^e Ihu r k hef^rfflcket^ There — he IS sale enough. Wow ftjffar M*atVie Captain has to »ay, and theiHto bysinesst ^Qere he clnies Enter Cavta moi ninssoun and red slippeit. Capt. What made^^aijjde my razors. Chatter? Chut. Oh, now I reni|Sect. I've hid them, because I yeji tcrday mornin J^servect how your ijand shook while you were shaving. Adll was apprehensive that you might let the razor slip some mglning, therefore I advise you, sir, to hire a valet instan^, an*k,not mist so dangerous a weapon in such an unstead^^iand. ^"n.^! Ciipt. Hav^ou fiiiighcd your lecture 1 Ob, now I presume I may speak./ Wl^ei^your mistress'! rrfrom sir. Chat. Capt. 'l\ Chut, n^v :apt. Eff! ertpcome to me. r her>l Loii, You are very considgraffe^^indeed, uncle: but I'm afraid you'll be disappointed. ("^U/'f)^^ •v - Ctipt. Yes, I pive you two M|idi>ciplined regularly trained gentlemen — both toleiably vwK-lookiu^both toltrably well- off, and both tolerably in love v,\}\\^you ; and if you don't shortly decide upon one of them, 1 shall concluile that you are either very difficult to please, or have riflfce up your mind to die an old maid. * Lou. Well, 1 suppose I must submit — though Mr. Timid, you must confess, is not what the <^i !d calls a vounE: man. Capt. Only forty or thereabouts* In the piin?e of life, girl ; in his full bloom and vigor. No man should mairy till he's thiity — he's not seasoned for the campai|n of matrimony till then ; thirty-five is the standard age, and five years moie is rather an improvement than otherwie. Lou. But he is so very reserved, he has never once men- tioned hi, love to me ! and does so tren)ble and tfu^h when- ever 1 casually look at him, that I declare I find myself as much confused as the poor gentleman himself; and last week in presenting me with a cup of chocolate, 1 but accidently glanced at him, when he dropped tlie chocolate at tny feet- scalded me — trod on the lap dog — overturned the fire screen, and rushed out of the room. Capt. What greater proof of afFect]gp do you require? Keal love has inade the most courageous hero tremble in the presence of his mistress ; and many a man who wc;uld not s!i:ink from a charge of bayonets, has found himself retreating in disorder from the harmless artillery of a pair of sparkling eyes. trr^^-.'.- Loll. Then the other gentleman, Mr. Wiseman, lie is so extretnely delicate and refined in his ideas, that one scarcely knows how to add re s him. Ciipt. Well, well, your allotted half hour with each, will ire one with confidence and the other with notions more in unison with your own. >^ ^jf^/< tmi'( 'rr'" limrf 4 ''m^n m 1""™ Chnt. That is^Jr. 'I imid's little knock,*! know. \ I'lil t..H. j dipt. Now, Louisa, i hope you perfectly coiiifiiehend me :/ DfAD SHOT. 13 *— one of these gentlemen you shall have. I have long" observe*! you — I know you want a iiusband. Nay, nay, don't attempt to deny it — I understand these afFuirs betttr than you imagine 1 do. You want a husband, and one you have«« this very day, or none at all, I'll have a preparatory word with ]\ir. 'J imid, and then despatch him to encounter his mistress and meet his fate. f Exit, l. ii>J iS^ 41^ red. ( rattUjjtr at ihe door.'K. H. 3d T£. ^ LouisaT Lou, Eh— what's that ?' """" " Frid. Louisa, my love'? Lou, As 1 live it is Frederick's voice"! How, in the name of wonder, came he in the closet! Frederick, is that you \ Fred. ^ es. Lou. What do you here T Fred, I don't know. V. Lou. Mow came YO j^iliere? Tn^TTsf Cl'iaTter. "#- " T^rf^yT^H AT-rrn i Chat. Hush — hush! AJiss. I put him in there in case we should want him. Lay still, sir, or you'll ruin us both. (Biing- iugLovisA JovH'jrd) Mr. I imid is coming uj) immediately — he is in such a twitter ! he has taken his kid gloves cfl' and on a dozen limes in half a minute ; and has wiped the peispira- ticn from his foiehead so often with his white cambric pocket handkerchief, that it stems quite damp. Lou. iSow, Chatter, act up to me, or we are lest. You know that iMr. Timid imagines me an angel — that my gentle- ness of temper he has ofien declared to my uncle, is the only quality he loves me for — that he entertains the utmost hoiror of a shrew — and is as great a coward as we can possil iy wish him to be. Now 1 11 ct-rtainly prove to him that 1 am an angel' — that is, a fallen one; and that my gentlene.sof temper only requires a very slight cause to make it as stormy as the roughest wind that ever blew. LhiU. Hush! he's here. Walk up, Mr. Timid. liter Mn. Timir, l. n. htmb^^ (uJitle (^ griibrw pocket hand' "^^U ■^ftiriiriiliii llfir- ''■' -""^ '^■\ , ^ ^ Lou. 6>ii/(//v) Chatter, my love, lake Mr. Timid's hat anct u DKAD SHOT. ^ stick ; bang his hat In Uje h'.iU, put his gloves in his hat, and put his stick outside the door; and mind you place them where no harm canct)me to them. ( V.w Kv-^ ^i ^titken them ) Tim. Oh, don't trouble yourself, I beg. — I'hat is stop, stop — my hrindkerchiet' is in my h.it. Oh, no, it is in my pocket — so It i-, 'Jhankee! vou'rc very kind. [Exij i'.u AT I lilt . uilh hut &ic, i.. n. ami re-enters l. iim^- Ifl'n.'S'.t down, Ali". 'rimid--'sit down, 1 beg. Tim. I'liankee, madam- 111 stand, if it makes no di;}ap}<^.z up uLirtned^ throws <}ow n his chair\ Madam ! /f^ Lou. Did I, or did 1 not, "say, a damask rose? ^^«* Tim. 1 was not paying any great attention, miss; but I '''^ think you did say a damask rose. Lou. You think I said so — you know I said so. Why don't you speak out like a man ? and not stand fidgit, fidgit, fidget, in that corner ; and when a question is put to you, mumble out about what you think. Chatter, come hither. Ah, you heedless creature, {advancei towards Chatter, ^^X DEAD 5HOT. 17 is n hJ I have a great inclination to box your ears soundly. Yon know my violent temper, and you have acted thus to irritate nu^. 0/il'ini. (i/ ^iftg ) I never was more astonished in all my life. LiU. (l oirihl ij yiaciriir her_jJuijj^ Sit down, i\lr. Timit^ Pray don't di>Tun)TWrse"l — tlie inattention of that ^irl is^'**' enou^'h to sour the sweete'st temper. You have no idea what 1 have to put up willi from her. l^eave the room, {to Ct JAJ-), no come back, ( >Us j / g j f I'-'-Ix^H^ ) I niay want you. Well, ' Mr. I imul, and liow is^ffi^poor mother 1 ^ Tim. VV hy— in fact, 1 don't know : she went down to Bath about a month au;o, and she has not written to me for more than a week ; but 1 tliink she's pretty well, thankee. Lou. You seem faint, I\Ir. Timid — you had better take a glass of wine? — nay, I insist. Chatter, my dear, bring AJr. 'iimid a glass of Port. Vou prefer Port, I believe, Mr. 'J'ir^.id? ^0»Tii)i. Yes, if you pleas'*. Lou. Bring it, dear, (e iit Ch^ t^j^^.'^ you don't seem so well as you did a few minutes agoVmr. 'Iimid — 'a glass of wine will invigorate you, and ^ l^jwhe in the closet by Frkd. h. h. 3d E. J Tim. What's tWtTTw^oncfer ! ' "•■ Lou. What, sir ? Tim. I heard a noise in that closet! Lou, Oh dear no, impossible. Tim, 1 think I did. ^"^Lou, But J tell you, you didn't. ( ..r Nijise a sain hu Fr f. p. - . ^Tim, There! there ! I thought nil" ^'^"''"* i. -^ Tlnter Chatter with a ^lasa of white wine on w aiter, n. h. lov. Chatter, there's a noise in the closet. Chat. Is there ma'am I Oh, now I recollect, — I put the lap dog in there a little while ago. It has been very surly ever since Mr. Timid trod on it the other night ; and for fear it might bite him when he came in, I thought it best to lock it up, and the poor thing is impatient to get out and attack Mr. I'imid, I dare say. Lou. Poor thing. Lay still, Pompey, ■Tim, Be quiet, Pompey. .Lou, IjfaQd Mr. Timid the wine, love. u DtAb SllOt. vX iiATTrn hanihjhe olass taJiMiP, who tahes it from her, and yOjC i> fM pi'ces w^^^^ Louisa ap years'a^oAted'l^ // thouohi. 1 iMiD iigomg to dr hi k, whenTe'siops. "" — ~*" ^^T/w. Hem! your health^^na 'ami . , ^^ ^on. ( /ur»s /ier head to n. h> '3d E iT'Poor Pompev doesn't like to be locked up,' ' '" ' ^g^ Tim. Your very good health, ina'am. Lon. Lie still, Pompey— you^ail^e teleused presently— » Poor Pompey. ^^^m Tim. ( rishio^'—Umd er) YoUr good health, ma'am! ^ I'OU. (t nrvs J mstily Iter head) aud rises) I really beg youf ** pardon, sir — 1 was at that moment so lost in thought——* 'J'hank you, thank you, sir. ( Timid 15 /ust about to drink, when she interrupts him ) Hold, sYr ! ( Timid starts andspiU i_ sfrpae. oi t' he tviue'^j^els to L. n. ) Don'f drink, sir, I desireT Chatter, do you see that glas^ Do you see what wine you have brought? Give it me, sir! {i uUiujr the slass from TiMin\ h and, uho is gr eatly amazed') Is this J:*oirt wine ? '^ C/jaf7 Yes, miss. V' Lou. How dare you look me in the face, and utter that \ abominable untruth 1 « -. ^ Chat. Oh dear, no more it ati*t. ^juhesttie uine ) Lou. You knew that, you aggravafing torment — but I'll not put up with it. Mr. 'J imid said he preferred Port, and you have wilfully brought him sherry. „*^— Tim. (havinsf advanced tow ard s hovi^ \) My dear madatn*— it is not of the least conseqiience. Lou. Silence, sir— how, dare you speak! ^0>0 Tim, {aside) Damn it, I wish I was safe out of the house. Lou. Come hither, Chattel. You have offended me past forgiveness, and I am resolved no longer to endure it. YoU have committed a fault, and then have endeavoured to screen it by a falsehood*— by a falsehood ? I say ; and no servant of mine shall ever dare to utter a falsehood in my presence, ^Svhile I have a tongue to scold and hands to chastise her. You provoking hussey, how dare you use me in this way ? I'H^ ' teach you to know your duty— you shall not add crime to wilful neglect. There ! there ! there ! ( Chatter knee ls at ft* ^. She ^ slqvs her vi olently on the backj t hen taJ iiii^lier cop . fJtt tear s, }t in^eces, '^U nalnarc jies vp and d mmjh e stagfi 'LjuixTstands agamsi the 'stage door astonished and alarmed,) DEAD SHOT. 19 Chat, (iisii^e) Oh! my best lace cap, that cost me three and twopence ! ( Louisa seats h^ rsp-lf ii f. a ^air — Chatter' s, ^ rises, and irives wine tosom^ m i ^t ji^ hA 0im Tim, icrniag) A joke's a joke^but when the happiness of a man's hfe is at stake, he should sumnion~up' a little cou- rage. I'll expostulate with her, ( Advuncinsr to Louisa) Madam! I — 1 really do not see any necessity for your being so very violent-upon so trifling an occasion, madam ; and allow me to observe, that such conduct would render you far from amiable in the eyes of any man, much less one who i?*'- destined to be your husband, ( louder) and I must maintain madam, that your temper is not what I thought it to be ; and if you were my wife, (which thank Heavei), you are not yet madam,) I should say — I should say — Lou. ( itartiiig vp) What, sir I what would you dare to say? How dare you attempt to dictate to me? you are not yet my- ... master! and while 1 continue my own mistress, 1 am at ifberty to act as 1 think proper, sir! yes, sir as I think proper, sir! Now, sir, what have you to say to thut, sir? f Fo/ Wj/^^ Timid, with chairs in his hands, round the stao;6 ... to R. H.) ^^ Tim. I'll call your uncle, miss ! — miss! I'll call your uncle ! upon my life I will. Lou. Dare to call my uncle, sir, and I'll slap your face ! I Knocking by Fred, at closet, r.h. 8d e. ^^Tim.. Madam, this is''not at all the conduct of a lady! ^ ^^ Lou. I don't value your opinion a button, sir! ^/^ r FnED. rattles closet door, •^ ^^ Tim, And I value you less, ma'am ! yes, ma'am, less than — than a button, ma'am! You've put me in a passion, ma'am ' — and when I get in a passion, I've no command over myseU-— and I've a great mind to Lou. To clo what, sir ? — What would you dare to do, sir ? ^ F rederick has rattled at the closet, and in spite of Cn \t, /C ^^^//^ ^Fflj) p^7^^t it to kee p him quiet, now bu rsts i t openT^ 'nteni \ji\ Jr from closet, an d gets fo l. h. Iimw is iht&idWityucJ^^^ ^'yfL ^\i snat ches up acn uir, and stands on the defence, .LbuisA^ Vx^ Tifgps 'I'l mTd^s fa ceTand runs ojf\ r7 h. *•"* Tim. Come on sir,—- come on ! my blood is up, and I don't care what 1 do. Come on all of you — You, madam 1 ( cali- t'?ig ) you and your lap-dog here. ~ B ;x 20 DEAD SHOT. Fred. Lap-dog, sir ! What do you mean by that, sir ! Tim. ( thfows iLicaij his cligixjr-ru'is ^ to i.. H.aiid calls) Cap- tain Cannon," Csptain L aunon, (^aptain Cannon ! Murder ! Chat, (t o Fred. ) Out with you througl» the window ! ■"^ Site opens the window— -he leap s out. Enter Captain Cannon, l. h. *|*.. Ill ■ — f dipt. Hey-day! what discharge of musquetry is this? Tim. Captain Cannon — I'm astonished, deceived, and in* suited. Look, sir — look at that young man! ( l ookins round vei'ceives Frederick has vanished. ) Eh! Oh, l^m either areamnig or starR macT. ■ -i uw Capt. What young man, sir? — My niece's maid do you mean ! ■*• Tim. Don't talk to me. Captain — I'm not in a fit state to be spoken to at this moment — and 1 feel a little maddish. [si^ Capt. Well, sir, I have no objeetion to wait till you have a sane moment. Tim. ( rises) Captain Cannon — the fact is this: X fell in love with your niece — I made her an offer of my hand and heart, and all that — because 1 imagined her to be the best ' tempered girl in England. Capt. VVell, sir, so sheis. ^^ Tim. Is^e? I have had five minutes conversation with her, and it has ended with my being thankful that I am alive! — Aye, sir, you may be as astonished as you please. Ask that girl, sir. — just put the question to Cliatter. Chat. You'll excuse me sir — my mistress is perfectly at Jiberty to use me asshe thinks proper : and it is a maxim ^fw'ith me, ever to return good for evil. Bcr^y dutiful — very attentive— and never tell tales out of school. [ Eii lj r. h. ,. ^ „^ Tim. They are both alike! — fortunate thing fol mel have discovered what she is — wouldn't marry her if she were as magnificent as Cleopatra, beautiful as Helen, and worth a million a month. Capt. Will you have the kindness, sir, to have a little less to say to yourself, and something more to me? What is the cause of this change in^your conduct? „^-" Tim. Sir, your niece is a vixen — a perfect Xantippe ; and in one breath can slap faces, tare caps, and bite off noses. CapL Pray, sir, are you sober? DEAD SHOT. 21 H^Tim. I think so. I have o nly at tempted to taste a glass of wine today. ' ^ " ,'"'''.'* M,\ipt. Answer me^' sir, immediately— liovT'^afe you scan- dPize tl e disposition of my niece \ ^^Tim. Because I speak from experience, sir. Ctiiit. Vou do ■? JVim. Yes, sir, and you have deceived me, sir. I can now account for your wisliing me to marry your niece in such un- becoming haste ! You are tired of having your own face scratched, and you wish to transfer the pleasure to the first fool that you can palm your bargain upon, sir. Nay, sir, don't be astonished — Miss Louisa has put me in a passion — I'm onmy meitle, sir! andthough 1 may be afraid of a woman si--, — damme if 1 am afraid of a man, sir. Now, sir, what do you think of that, sir? ( c w&e& to l. h . ) Capt. Zounds and furies! have' 1 my faculty of hearing? „m» Tim. 1 speak quite loud enough, sir. Copt. Mr, J imid! ^ Tim. 'Yea, sir. Capt. Foilovv me into the garden, and take your choice of pistoUjjir. pr_,^sir, there's a meadow close at hand — a very pretty spot^o bringdown your man in. ,^ Tim. I've not unloaded my mind yet; — and perhaps you'll baas astonished as I was, when I tell you in that closet slie had a man concealed, and endeavored to make me believe it was a lap dog — but I wasn't to be bit. Capt. Stand out of my way — stand out of my way, sir ! or I shall knock you down, ( cnjuses f<> t^. ii.) Fire and bullets, sir! you are telling me a lie. ( AhnocH at the door, l. h. and Chatter enters r.') Chatter open the door. ' ' ~* <-'/"' ^- "^es, sir. [Ejff T„ ,^^ Tim. You may say, do, and think what you please, sir; but 1 have my eyes, ears, and opinion ; and 1 have seen and heard enough to know, that your niece is not calculated to make me happy ; and . Capt. Silence sir ! ( crosses) I shall speak to you presently. E/tfer Chatteh. l . Chat, Mr. "Wiseman. Capt. Ask him to walk up. ( ETt't. Chat, r. h.) You don't go yet, sir. I must have a word with you'yet. \to Ti >ud) 22 DEAD SHOT. ^ Filter Mn Wiseman, l. h. preceded by Chatter, iv lw cross!t* arid E3.lts R. H.'1^TW?t!ff!rN?yreret{;ea mm very 'cordja FtIf, Copt. My dear Mr. Wiseman, you could not have ariilpl more oppoilunely. Don't be astonislied at seeing your rivaj here ; 1 am well aware that you have always had a slight dis- like for each other— but that is natural enough. You have now an excellent opportunity of proving your afFcction for" my niece, and resenting a gross insult that has been offered to her by tliat gentleman. Mr. IV. Has ftlr. Timid dared to insult Louisa? Capt. Grossly insulted her. Nay, sir, slandered her in my presence ; and if you don't instantly call him out, 1 will. Tim. Wei!, call away— don't imagine I am afraid to fight ; I am well acquainted with the little punctilioes of honor necessary to be observed by a gentleman ; and if Mr. VVise- man or yourself attempt to interrupt my free egress from this house, 1 shall have no objection to give you a little amuse- ment with the small sword— a mutual pop with horse pistols — or, if you prefer it, I'll box you both for half an hour. -J Sir ids ubout. Cnpt. Do you hear the gasconading coxcomb ? ,00'Tim. ( cross'nuj; to c .) Now, Captain, as ycu are perfectly let into the seciet of my accommodating disposition, 1 wish you and your sweet tempered niece good morning. Wise, dlo p pvi "^ ^'^"f: ^ Stop, sir, if you please — the posi- tion 1 have taken in tliis family will not allow of my hearing any thing derogatory to Miss Louisa. -—-Tim. Take your hand off my waistcoat, sir! Let me pass you sir. {crosses to u n.) Now, sir, what have you got to say 1 -— — — Wise. You have no occasion to be so insolent, sir. ^ Tim. Pooh, pooh, sir, 1 am not accountable to you for wiiat I choose to be. Wise. Yes, sir, you are, in a measure. ^^Tim. Pooh ! — don't measure me, sir ; are you a tailor ! Copt. (n . u.to WisF. ') Call him out— call him out. Wise, Sir, 1 desire you to meet me Capt. ^ nromptin r rhim.) In the meadow. Wise. In the meadow. dipt. In half an hour. Wise. In half an hour. DEAD SHOT* 23 Capt. With pistols and a second. Wise. With pistols and a second. '/;;?. Certainly, sir, ceit.iinly. Don't think to frigliten me shall be there. I only hope you may be punctual. rhouo;h it is my maiden duel, I'm a dead shot — never missed any thing that I fired at in my life; and to prove that I shall expect you, 1 shall go to the mn close by — call for a loaded pistol and a lighted candle, and snufF it two or three times at twenty paces to get my hand in. Ihink to frighten me! ^ pooh! Good bye, old four and-t'.venty pounder, Pooh! A^ Oipt. ( Shaliiiifj; Wiseman lieartilu htf llie hand ) Now, Wiseman, my clear" fellow, before you go out to hght, you shall have a little tetea /e^e with Louisa, to inspire you. She's coming 1 Now my dear boy, make your^'lf as agreeable as possible — j'lst humor her a little. Don't talk too much about female delicacy and propriety, and so forth — hut humor !ier ; you understand, ( erokes^ Say clever things to her — be gallant and debonaire ; leave her with a kiss on her lips, and a stout heart to meet your man, and the field is your own, my boy, [Exit, L. Aj/ Ent er 'L.oviiS.K^ii. hilt ji^nd feathers or;. She runs vp to Wis E -/^ /r^ ' ^ ' .MAN, (tiid tiikes Inshaiid. Lou. Ha! W., my dear bov, how d'ye do 1 Sit down, sit down; and make yourself (.'omfortaide. (f orciblt^ piishitip hivi down in chuir.') I have jost hud a run in the garden, and it has put me rather out of breath. ( hot h seated ) 1 laid a wager of sixpence with Chatter,) hat I would skip round the garden and hop over every corner three limes in forty -eight seconds! and I won the wager by just half a second. Wasn't it capital? Wise, (aside) I'm quite amazed, it can't be the same woman. ^ Lou. Let me look at you, VV.! You seem rather out of sorts? Don't notice my rattling way — I know it does not exactly correspond with your notions of delicacy, and all that — but lord, we women must have whims and fancies, or m'C should soon kick the bucket. 13y-the-by, VV., did you hear of the men runninij- in sacks, and the badger bait at Barnet, the other day ? I'd have given the world to have been there ; but my uucle, you see, is such an old drone, be never takes 24 *EAD SHOT. me out any where ; but when I'm your wife, you'll take me to all the races, the plays, the balls, the operas, Almacks, the rowint,^ matches, the prize fights, and the dog Biiiy — won't, you, \\ .1 Wise. CuMe) The dog Billy! She's certainly mad. I had better cat! her uncle. I'm quite alarmed! J.OU. But you don't ask me how 1 do, and tell me how I look. What do you think of this necklace? diamond, bless your soul! J '11 tell you how 1 got it. — You must know, uacle went out the other evening — so what did I do, but send Chatter to a .young gentleman I am acquainted wiiii in the neighborhood, to borrow his coat, waistcoat, pantaloons, and hat, and sallied out for a spree. After chasing two or three girls about, 1 walked into a billiard room — lots of tip-tjp \oung chaps playing and betting high. I, understanding the game, soon discovered a crack player --wei»t up to him — gave the office —he was on his mettie: played in prime style — pocketed and cannoned in all directions — beat every body! — hets were doubled— beat every body again I — I pocketed ^clear two hundred — slipped out of the room — run home — couldn't sleep all night for thinking of it — up in the morning fiist thing — out with Chatter in a hackney — away to the jeneller's— rsaw this — liked it — put it on — paid for it — an4 here it is. Ha! Italha! — capital, wasn't U, W? (s/ajj/>t»g }iim lieiiriiLu on the buck, rises and takes the sluge. ') " H'iie. I'm "electrified! I wouldn't have such a woman for a wife on any account. I'll call the Captain, (jisinjf:) Lou. Oh, VV, now 1 think of it, set down — i'm going to a Sunday Concert, next Sunday evening. IVUe. A Concert on a Sunday, madam 1 Lou. What does the man stare at? Bless you, nothing so common — all the fashionables patronise them. A very delightful mode of passing an evening, I assure you. There you have fiddles, hautboys, clarinets, harps, pianos, serpents, bassoons, violencelios — scrape, scrape; — thump, thump. — strum, strum, and boo ! the bass comes witli such a delightful grumble, that you do not'iing but imitate it for a week after. Oh, man alive, you're quite a novice, I see. (Wise, rises.) Sit still whiie 1 enlighten you ; and as Thompson says, ' teach your young idea how to shoot.' SoNO— Su/iduj/ Concert, DEAD SHOT, 25 Wise, (a fter sov^, ri - s ^^) Mail am, I am very sorry to see Such an unaccbunuble change in your conduct and ideas. I had hitlierto considered you a very exemplary young lady, and one tliat 1 llioUjjht wouid make a comturuible domestie NVife ; but 1 am very disagreeably undeceived ; and I beg to take my leave. I.OU. Ell! -Oil, my dear \V.,you sre joking I am sure. Wise. Ko, madam, 1 never was more ia earaeit in all my life. Lou. VVliat, you wont have me for a wile] Wise. I beg leave to declffle. Lou. And a ter courting nie for a matter of six weeks! Wise. 1 have said it, madam. Lou. Then, sir, get out of the house — get out of the house immediately, or I'll send for a young rnan to thrash you. But I scorn to take advantage of a defenceless individual; so, sir, 1 shall leave you to \our reflections. You have de- ceived me, »lr, th^retore b: war* of me, tor if 1 should only happen to meetyoi: at a propci place, and m a proper temper, r I shall most properly horse whip you. \ Eiit, »• - ■^^'C Wise. Bless me! what a mi.cuulous escape I've had!— such a woman as tiiat would drive me to a lunatic asylum. I shall certainly take her advice, and get out of the house as quick as possible, i^h! bless nic'! but I'm engaged to fight a duel on her account. Capta in Cannon lyeep s in, l. Capt. Well, Wiseman, my lad, how get you on 1 Wise. Oh, sir, i — 1 — waat to go, Capt. Go! where? Wise. Home, sir, — if you've no objtcfion. Capt. Oh, to seek a second, I suppose, Don't pot your* self at all out of the way, I'll peitiirm that otiice for you. Wise. Captain Cannon, 1 have but veiy lew woids to say on the present occasion. I have no incliuaiion either tofiglrf for or to marry your niece j and I oeg to decdae both. Capt. Powder and shot! what is tlie meaning of all this? Are the men mad. Do you intend to marry my niece, sir! Wise, No. Capi. Do you intend to keep youi appointment with your rival? Wi$e, No. 26 DEAD SHOT. Capt. I'll have an explanation. .J^uisa, ( calliiw ) Louisa! Enter Louisa. r, with whip behind her^ unverceived. Capt. Come hither. What is the cause of the alteration in the sentiments of this gentlemen ? Lou. Upon my word, uncle, 1 don't knqw — so don't ask me. Wise. But I do, — and the sooner yoiisee me out of the house, the better for us both. * Capt. Louisa, go to your room. ( E^it Louisa, r. shahins: the whip at \N.^i i nseen hu C Ar-TA^.,') Ilarkee, sir! this is the secoim insult I have lia'd oneretOo me this day ; and I insist upon your instantly pro^^eeding to the meadow, where, if you and Mr. Timid do not explain yourselves/a|id apologize, lyi fight you botli. . 'r Chut, ( without , 1..) Help! help! I've caught a man. ■ Enter Chatter, l. dragging in Frederick, by the collar . Wise. There, sir, your young woman hafs.caught a man. Chat. J apprehended this young man In* the garden con- cealed behind a gooseberry bush ; so I sent for a constable and had him secured. Capt. What, Mr. Thornton. Zounds! I'll have a regular Court Martial, and have you all shot at once. This is the second time, sir, that you have been discovered trespassing on my premises. Chat, ( to Fre d.') Now for it; do as I told you. Fred. Sir — tlTeTact is, you are perfectly ac\ ounded than any here;"* **The police . officeismaygo about their business. ( Exit Williams antij ^ Of^FicERS^L.) And Louisa is my affianced bride. ? 'y^Tim. JMy uear fellow, come to my arms! (crosses t(f Fred. ■^■ —emhraces him .) Tol de rol lol ! I'm not a dead shot after all. "^C^ But where — when — why— what — and how] 30 DEAD SHOT, Fred. Williams, my friend here, and factotem on the occa- sion, carefully avoided charging the pistols with bail : and a sponge filled with liquid colour, dexterously applied, is no bad substitute'' for blood, and much more harmless. ,^0^Tim. Ha! ha! Kgad, you're a deep one, young and six- and-eightpence. Capt. Upon my word, a very capitol joke indeed. My consent is ce^tainly obtained ; and as you, Louisa, and Chat- ter here, seem perfectly to understand each other, 1 can only say, get married as soon as you can. „„m.Tiin, I wish you joy, but upon my soul, I am very sorry for you. (crosses to p) IVine? i pityyou, upon my veracity. Lou. But 1 trust, gentlemen, 1 shall prove to Mr. Thornton, that he will have no occasion to be sorry or be pitied; and though my violent temper may have alarmed you; QoTJiuv^ and my little indelicacies may have shocked you, sir !^ (fo Vv) yet matrimony is a great changer of manners and dispositions; and 1 may be a good tempered, amiable, and domestic wife. .,-— Ti/n. And if all present will agree to humour the young lady's disposition, I hope that this piece will not miss fire — that it may go off with a good report, and its contents be most decidedly a dead shot. f^- — — — --41., NEW WORKS. For Sale at TUKI^ER AND FI^^MEM's cusjap Fjanct nooj^ storb. Splendid Christmas 4* New- Year Presents. ANNUALS. THE IRIS, — a religious offering. THE OFFERING,— a most superb article. THE GEM, — with splendid engravings, elegantly bound, THE CAMEO. THE ANNUAL,— bound in silk. THE JUVENILE FOR GET-ME-NOT. THE BIJOU,— embossed binding. THE AMULET,— with beautiful engravings. Ladies^ and Gentlemen'' s Pocket Book Almanacs, For splendor, elegance, neatness and utility, these articles surpass any thing of the kmd ever before oflfered to the public, — they are cheap and serviceable. The Tablet of Memory y a very neat article, Cruikshank^ Burlesque on the Unknown Tongues. Twenty Minutes Advice on the Care of the Eyes. " An invaluable Little Work, containing the pith of the celebrated volume of the late Dr. Ware" — Globe. Twenty Minutes Advice on the Gout and Rheumatism. "The author of this work is a man of sense; and we can conscientiously recommend his book to all persons suffering, either from Rheumatism or Gout." — Lou. Standard. Ne\¥ Productions. T. 4' J^' «^"^ constantly receiving by every ar- rival all the popular and standard works issued in London and Edinbnrg, — orders for any number of copies ivill be thankfully received and discharged with pnnctualiiy, and will be delivered with as yuick despatch as through any other agency in the United iStates. Publications. TURISER'S COMIC SONG BOOK. Containing all the songs as sung by the Irish Comedian, Mr. Power ; Yankee Stories as given by Little Yankee Hill ; with many popular songs now fiist published. THE SINGER'S MAGAZINE. A highly valuable periodical to every lover of song. See Pro.'fpectus. The Sook of Matrimony g This lit:le volnine slinnld be widely ciicuHtPd among ihe middling etai-s; and even the liiplier circles niig'lit "take a leaf out of the auilmr's book, without any injury to themsjelves." — Lon. Despatch- It is one of tlie cleverest productions of the day. — True Sun. It deserves our unqualifii d prai^ie, — I should find a place m every house in the kinjidom. 'I'o be married as well as to be UM-marricd, U will prove an invaluable monitor. — Lon. Observer. Just received via. the latest arrivals, the pro- ductions of Handkl, Mozart, Haydn, and other celebrated musical compose s. The Musical Fenny Ma go ' " A very valuable work for Laaica. The Musical Library ; and Musical Guide. Cheap, Elegant, and Correct Edition of Acting PL A Y S, TjLBrsicr's Braiiiatic liibrary, COMPniSING ALL THE BE5T Tragedies — Comedies — Operas — Farces — M do- Dramas, and Interludes. PRINTED FROM THE BEST ACTING COPY, WITH REMARKS, BIOGRAPHICAL AND CRITICAL, BT E. T. W. The Lovers of Dramatic Literature will find this edition of Acting Plays infinitely superior to any ever yet offered to the American Public. It combines those essencial requisites, cheapness, elegance* and correctness, and will be enriched with many valuable and rare pieces. These Plays will form an excellent Companion to the Theatres ; while to those who have neither the opportunity nor iuclination |o attend there, but to whom dramatic reading is a favorite relaxation, they ar^ invaluable. To each Play are prefixed entirely new Remarks, Biograph- ical and ('rltical, from the pen of a well known Dramatic writer, whose intimate acquaintance with the Stage, from its earliest dawn down to the present time, peculiarly qualifies him for the task ; and whose literary stores (which, in all that relates to the histiionic art, are eminently rare and curiom,) — furnish him with materials that can only be obtained by the possession of a valuable dramatic library, and unwearied re- search. The embellishments are executed by the most emi- nent artists ; and no expense is spared to render the whole work worthy of the patronage of the Public. No. 1. THERESE. Wii.. aj^ntl length Portrait of Eilwin Fcrred, Esq, — 2. THE DEAD SHOT. — ? MLET. — 4. HIGH, LO\Y, JACK, & GAME. PROSI'ECrUS OF The Saiis^cr's JTIag^aKiite. TJie exiraoniiiiary ciiT.u'alidii attained by many of the clieap pub- licaiio ..s (il tlie (Jiiy, li-is su;:ilt'slc(l to ibe piopi iinois, tliat, if a work cakiii.iicit lo be of iiiieicsi lo the lovers of Eui< rpe were nffertd to ih<' public at a price and in a liirm accouimodated lo ibe demands of the a<;e, ihe »uppi»it wbicli it iniglit reasonably amicipaie would be proporiioiiably liberal. In accoiddiice wilb ibis view, ibey bave re- Bolveii to coniineiice tbe issue of ilie Singer's Magazine, in a neat and bandsiinie style, and in sucb form, as will bring il within reacU of all clashes of iiie comniuniiy. AMIinujjb iininerous aiienipis have been made to combine within a Pnblicalion ail the Priiicipai Songs, wbicli have delighted by gone generaiion.-!, and tnade up pari of ihe Amusements for those of the time being; few, indeed, bave borne out the promise made in the tjtle-paiie. To produce a really beauiiful and serviceable compilation of Songs, there requnes sonie degree of tasic; uniicd to a persevere- ance and aciiviiy, lo catch the productions of a fleeting hour. We might write a book instead of a preface, in evidence and illus- tration of Ihe exqii site uses and almost mat mav be of inieresl to our Patrons. The work wi'l form at the end of the year, tw» handsome volumes each containing 300 finely printed ociodecimo pages, to which will be given a title page, index, and a portrait of one of our first vocalists executed by an artist of celebrity. Terms— $],5Q per annum, payable in every instance half yearly in advance. Single numbers may he had at the low price of three cents each, TURNER & FISHER, Publishers, 1 1 North Sixth Street, Philadelphia. '