I I 
 
 Dramatic Plays for Young Peoples* Societies 
 
 Don't bother 
 Anton. 
 
 For 8 males, 2 females and 3 children 
 
 PRICE 20 CENTS 
 
 ANTlGO PUBLISHING COMPANY 
 
 ANTIGO, WISCONSIN 
 i ' 
 
n I 
 
 Dramatic Plays for Young Peoples' Societies 
 
 Don't bother 
 Anton. 
 
 ^ For 8 males, 2 females and 3 children 
 
 PRICE 20 CENTS 
 
 ANTlGO PUBLISHING COMPANY 
 
 ANTIGO, WISCONSIN 
 I i 
 
DON'T BOTHER ANTON 
 
 t* 
 
 Noi^'hbors calling' on Anton 
 
 CAST OF CHARACTERS 
 
 Anton, the sick mmi. 
 
 Anton'*; wir»> Hn<l diildren 
 
 .Toe 
 
 Whitr 
 
 Bass 
 
 .lako 
 
 Nack 
 
 Mrs. ButtcMinouili 
 Three children. 
 Doctor. 
 
 SCKNK: Sitting Koom. Anton on couch, covered up 
 l»y comf(»rt^r. 
 
 PKOPEHTIES: 
 
 Couch, Comforter, l*illo\v. Table. Chairs. V&\)er, 
 Olass with Medicine and Spoon. 
 
 KNTRA^^UK: Ri^rht and Left. 
 
 Copyridht 1916 by Antijjo P 
 
 uuK'' VMt 
 
 ©6\\j 45»5t) 
 
 JAN -8 1917 
 
DON'T BOTHER ANTON. 
 
 (Anton on couch, against the center wall, his wife at his 
 side, children at left door, Doctor at right door.) 
 
 Doctor (leaving.) Now, Mrs., I want to tell you, your hus- 
 band must not be bothered, by all means let him rest; 
 understand me? He's overworked himself and his 
 nerves are out of whack. There's nothing else the 
 matter with him. If you don't want him to grow 
 worse, you must keep him quiet and everything in the 
 house as quiet as possible. If he rests well, he'll get 
 over this spell. Understand? 
 
 Wife. Yes, doctor, I get you — I know what you mean. 
 Did you hear, Anton, what the doctor said? Sure, doc- 
 tor, I'll manage to keep him quiet, (to children) Bst! 
 Don't make any noise; papa must not be bothered 
 (threatens them with finger.) 
 
 Doctor. And of that medicine you give him every ten 
 minutes when he's awake. 
 
 Wife. Sure, every ten minutes. I understands 
 
 I )octor. And don't let anybody disturb his rest. Keep 
 gossipy callers away from him as much as possible. 
 Remember that Anton must not be bothered. 
 
 Wife. Why, certainly, doctor, I'll keep everything quiet 
 (to children.) W^iy are you standing there at the door? 
 Your father must rest. Didn't you hear? Hurry up 
 and get out'n here. Go, I say. Wait, I'll fix you 
 (grabs broom, turns over chair in her haste, clubs chil- 
 dren, scolds and chases them out. — Anton moans.) Such 
 are children! 
 
 Doctor. Don't make so much noise yourself. Didn't I 
 
U'll .vuu to koep everytliini,' (luiot in UviQ^ Your loud 
 talkiiJii: i\U(\ nois.v mannors irritate the patient. Don't 
 foi'iifot that. Good-bye. I'll Uv \n\'-k in a short while 
 (exit.) 
 
 Wife. I'll inana^^e Id keep ever.vthinj,^ (|uiet all ri^jht 
 enoua:h. (lood-by, doctor, (to Anton) Did .vou iiear it, 
 Anton ? Vou should keep perfectly (luiet and don't talk 
 to anybody, the doctor says, otherwise you'll be very 
 sick. Vour nerves are out o' whack, he says. Your 
 nerves! Dear me, what a fright that ijave me! Ju.st 
 think of it, your nerves are out *u order! Have you 
 ^ot pains, Anton ? . 
 
 Anton, (shakes head.) 
 
 \Vifo. Hold on, before I forj^^ot, yov\ must take some 
 medicine (jjives medicine to him.) There. Does it taste 
 bad^ It's all right lus long as it does you good. But I 
 would like to know how your nerves got to l)e entirely 
 out o' whack. You always were in good trim. How 
 did you get it on your nerves? Thore's always one bad 
 luck following Uie other . ..Think you can sleep a little? 
 Wait, I'll shake ui) the pillow for you (shakes pillow 
 heedlessly so Anton's head moves with the shaking.) 
 There, that'll give you rest, I should think. Does it 
 feel good now? Can I I)riiig y(»u somethirig to drink? 
 What do you want? 
 
 Anton. Don't bother me, that's all. Oh dear, my head! 
 
 Wife. Kest is what Vini want! C!ertainly (looks about 
 and sees ehihiren at the I'ntranee, screams) There again? 
 Didn't I tell you to keep outo' here, and that your papa 
 needs i*est? (jumps up, gral)s l)room, upsets chtiirs, 
 chases children c»ut) I'll fix you kids! 
 
 Anton(moans.) (^ dear, my head! Can't you keep(|uietf 
 
You're making- more noise than all the rest. 
 
 Wife. What? I'm making noise? Dear me, what am I 
 after doing all this while? Am I not keeping things 
 quiet so you may rest? But that's the way you always 
 are (weeps): Always blaming me — putting the fault 
 with me. I may do anything to please you, — scolding 
 and fault-finding is all I get of it, never a word of praise 
 — no thanks, (raising self up) Now if I hadn't cared for 
 the whole house-hold and for everything else, where 
 would you be? I do wish you had got'n some one else 
 for a wife, she would have showed you who's boss. 
 The trouble with me is that I'm too g(»od for you, always 
 too good. 
 
 Anton, (puts hand to forehead, moans.) Oh! . .Oh!. .Oh! . . 
 
 Wife. Whats the matter? Are the flies troubling you? 
 Can't you sleep? I'll drive the flies away from you 
 (picks up paper and fans him.) Now keep quiet just for 
 a minute and try to sleep. (Fans him for a while silent- 
 ly, occasionally hitting his face with paper.) There! 
 I'm forgetting your medicine (gives medicine). I'm sure 
 you'll have to take this regularly, if you want to get 
 well (looks at clock.) For pity's sake, it's only five 
 minutes since I gave you the other dose. Why don't 
 you say so if the time isn't up? You don't seem to care 
 the least bit whether you'll get better or not. I think 
 the best way '11 be to put the alarm clock right in front 
 of you (puts alarm clock on chair in front of his face; 
 alarm rattles and startles Anton.) Such a fool clock! 
 (tries to stop alarm.) 
 
 Anton. Oh! That kills me! That - - 
 
 Wife (trying to stop alarm.) Don't get excited at little 
 things like that. Keep cool, that's what the doctor 
 
says. Now, I wonder whtit clamp I must turn in order 
 to stop this racket (clock stops.) There! I fixed it this 
 time. Now be still (takes up paper and fans fiiin, strik- 
 in*; his fare at intervals.) 
 
 Anton. Can't you stop hittin^r nn'? 
 
 Wife. Did I hit you? Dear me, the flies are just awful. 
 I bet that fly-paper we got of the druggist isn't worth 
 a cent. . I hear .somebody coming (throws down pa|)er 
 and walks to entrance.) How do you do. rloe ^ Walk 
 in, please. How are you ? 
 
 Joe (enters.) How are you, people? 1 heard Anton is 
 awfully sick, so I thot it my duty to look in. 
 
 Wife. It's awfully bad, Joe. I can't tell you the trouble 
 I have in keeping liim fiuiet. The doctor says he must 
 not l)e l)othered, or he won't stand for no con.setjuences. 
 But do you imagine I am able to keej) him (juiet? He 
 talks and scolds and complains all the time and won't 
 take a word from m(\ Step up and look at him, Joe, 
 here he is (to Anton.) Hello, wake up, Anton. Joe i« 
 here. 
 
 Ant<)n (remains on couch, face toward the wall). 
 
 Wife (with raised voice). Anton, are you sleeping? Joe 
 is come for a call. 
 
 Ant. (slowly turns head, looks at Joe.; 
 
 Joe. Hello, Anton! How are you? (shakes hands with 
 Anton forcefully). Was just stepping in to in(iuire how 
 you are getting along. Pretty bad, eh? (examines his 
 face deliberately). Why, you don't look as tho you'd 
 get over this, Anton, do you? Well, well! (shaken 
 head, wonderingly). Still 1 know of something which 
 would help you (feels Anton's [)ulse and forehead.) 
 You've also got a high fever. 
 
Ant. (feebly.) Yes — yes (feigns sleep after this). 
 
 Joe (after a while). Where does it hurt you, Anton? 
 
 Ant. (silent.) 
 
 Wife (shaking Anton). He asks you where you've got 
 pain. 
 
 Ant. (faintly.) Aw, don't bother me! 
 
 Joe. We won't bother you.— I had it just the way you're 
 having it. I know just about how a man feels in your cir- 
 cumstances. Wish you could have seen me then. Think 
 you'll be able to sleep? I at that time couldn't sleep a 
 wink. Well, try it anyhow. Musn't think of anything, 
 that's the easiest way. I found thut out myself. 
 
 Ant. (turns toward wall). 
 
 Joe (to wife.) What kind o' medicine has he got? 
 
 Wife (shows him). This here he is to take every ten 
 minutes. 
 
 Joe (smells of cork.) Just what I had, the very thing! 
 
 Wife. Did it help you? 
 
 Joe. Not a bit. Better throw it out o' the window. I 
 wouldn't be living today if I had swallowed all that 
 stuff. I've got my own cure, you know. 
 
 Wife. What did you use? 
 
 Joe, A very simple remedy. You'll have to take hold of 
 this sickness entirely different than the doctors will. 
 I put a hot poultice on my forehead, a chunk of ice on 
 my stomach and mustard plasters on my soles. That's 
 what cured me. 
 
 Wife. I've never^heard^of that before. 
 
 Joe. I believe you. It's my own invention, you know. 
 The doctors don't know about it. -Look, it's like this:— 
 The hot poultices '11 drive the fever down into the 
 stomach where it has to pass under the chunk of ice 
 
ami i^et coi)led down; then the mustard plaster on the 
 
 foot soles draws the fever out, and there you are, hale 
 
 and hearty as a wood-chuck. 
 Wife. That seems to l>c <iuitc reasonal)le. 1 i^uess I'll 
 
 try it on Anton, if the doctor's medicine doesn't cure 
 
 him. Hey, Anton, arc you listening? 
 Anton (remains silent.) 
 Wife (shakes him up). Anton, look here! Have you 
 
 heard what ,loe has l>eon tellin«j: me? 
 Ant. (surly). It's all the same to me - lei me have rest. 
 Joe (insult^dly). Why, it's only on your behalf I'm here. 
 
 If you don't care for me, I may he Koncat,'ain (turns as 
 
 if to leave.) I don't get paid for this, nohow. May just 
 
 as well go. 
 White (enters just as soon as Joe opens door. How do 
 
 you do I All is well, I s'pose. 
 Wife. Notat all well. White, not atall well. Anton there's 
 
 got it. Doctor says he must have rest or something 
 
 very serious may grow out o' it. Joo Ihm-c thinks he 
 
 won't pull thru. 
 White. How do you do, Jocr^ (shakes haiul with ,Foe.) 
 Joe. Tm well, thank you. Was just looking h(\ov An- 
 
 t<»n. He looks pretty bad, docsn^t he? 
 White. You're ri^ht. How you do, Anton? How are 
 
 you? (offers hand t^> Ant. wMio doesn't stir). Hollo! (to 
 
 wife) Is he sltieping? 
 Wile. Can't tell: just a moment ago he was wide awake. 
 
 He's so awfully restless. I think it would be a very 
 
 blessing if he would go asleep. The doctor says he 
 
 must not l)e bothered. 
 White. I won't bother hiio (to \n\.) Are you sleeping, 
 
9 
 
 Anton ? (takes Anton's hand and shakes it violently). 
 
 Anton (feebly). How could I sleep with such a racket 
 about me! 
 
 White. Oh, I see you're still awake. I thot so. Hap- 
 py day to you, Anton. How are you? feeling bad, eh? 
 Yes, you're right, there's nothing better than health. 
 That's what I always say (takes chew tobacco from 
 pocket and bites off — hands to Joe who also takes a 
 bite. Both sit down.) Hm, I believe there's some more 
 coming. 
 
 Jake (enters.) Wish you well, all together. How-de-do. 
 (shakes hands all around.) 
 
 The others (shaking hands with him in succession.) How- 
 de-do, Jake. 
 
 Jake (wiping his forehead.) This is beastly hot to-day. 
 
 Joe. Yes, one has to do a lot of sweating (draws handker- 
 chief and wipes forehead). 
 
 White. The sun is awful hot to-day. 
 
 Joe. Truly, truly. 
 
 Jake (stepping up to couch, grabbing Anton's hand, 
 shaking it violently). Well, Anton, how are you get- 
 ting along? Fairly well, I s'pose. Well, I should say 
 you are looking very bad. What's the matter? 
 
 Ant. (moans). Oh, dear! 
 
 Wife. I believe the doctor himself doesn't know what ails 
 Anton. He says its on account of the hot weather and 
 work and worry, that's where his fever comes from, he 
 says. Come, Anton, take a teaspoonful of medicine 
 (gives him medicine). Are you getting better already! 
 No? Well, I wish I only knew what to do for you. 
 
 Ant. (surly). Let me alone, that's all. Can't I get one 
 moment's rest? 
 
10 
 
 Wife, Joe, I ^uess I'll ^'o :in.l fix some h<>t j)()iiltices for 
 
 him (Exit.) 
 .lake. Anton is rijflit, I think. Kivst is the )K»st what you 
 can do for him; then nature will aljust itself. I don't 
 think much of melicine (draws i)i|)e, fills and li^jhts it.) 
 White. Tin thinking tin* s:in)e way. If somcthinj^ is widji^f 
 with me, I say to my wifr, Mnthrr, iiand mo the bottle 
 with the castor oil. 
 .Toe. C:kstor oill Hooh! N.)t for mi^ I hat;^ the I )(»ks of 
 it. Vou ma\- puison i)otatu hiitjs with it, f(tr all I care 
 Jak»». There you remind me - the other day I ;:ot some 
 jjoison powder to kill th(»m, hut it didn't «;eem to do 
 them nny ^ood. Can you tdl mr how to put it on ^ 
 Joe. What did you do witli it? 
 
 Jake. Well, in the first place I put it on tho l)uj,'s, hut 
 they crawled away with it. .After that I put it on the 
 potato plants, hut th:it's of no use I find. 
 Joe. I In-lieve the l)est way is to catch the l)U^s first, then 
 
 oi)cn their mouth and put the poison inside. 
 Jake. Oh, is that the way to do it? 
 Joe. The only way! (lights i)ipc). 
 White. Well, I always catch them and then maul them 
 
 with my l)oot heel. That's a sure way, I fin<i. 
 .lake. Oh, yos, you're ri^rht, just as {io(.d jis the iK)is()n 
 
 powdiM*. 
 Joe. Anyluj'.v, potato l)ii;^s are awful bad tliis season. 
 Joe. That's the fault of the weather, depend on tliat. W!iy, 
 
 last year. . . . 
 Wife (ent4M-s Bass). Walk in. Others are already cal- 
 
 lin^r on Anion. 
 Bass. Hrlln! Hello! — Hello! (shnkes hands all around.) 
 NVell. how arc vou? 
 
u 
 
 White. So la-la, always on two legs, as you see. (All 
 lauo^h, more so White himself. Bass sits). 
 
 Bass. You here too, White. Why, youVe got four legs 
 under you, same number as a cow has got. 
 
 White (insultedly). How's that? Four legs under me? 
 I won't take that from you. I'll see if I have to take 
 chunks like that. This shall cost you 10 dollars for 
 slandering me, I'll see the lawyer about it to-morrow. 
 You all who are present have heard him saying this. 
 I'll show this man who's got four legs. 
 
 AH, 
 pell- 
 mell 
 
 Joe. I havn't heard anything — don't know any- 
 thing. 
 Wife. Why, you don't want to sue each other 
 
 and go to law ? 
 Jake. I didn't pay attention — don't know an^'-- 
 thing. 
 
 Bass. Let me finish my say, White. I was talking about 
 the chair legs. There are four under you, arn't there? 
 All (laughing), 't was only a joke, White. 
 
 White. Well— then, of course — if it's only a joke 
 
 Bass (walks up to couch). How are you faring, Anton? 
 Anton (silent). 
 
 Bass (bellows in Anton's ear). I was saying, how you're 
 getting along (grabs A.'s hand and shakes it violently). 
 Anton (sighing). This is getting worse. 
 Bass. Aw, get out, Anton, you musn't say that. Always 
 take things rather easy, keep a-kicking, I say; keep your 
 head cool and your stockings warm, is my say. Don't 
 give up, or you'll be a goner. 
 Ant. (turns to wall, beckons him %o go away.) 
 Bass (to the others). I said so right away, when I heard 
 about it, Anton has got it good and hard this time, 
 
siiid. If 1 look at him from tiie left corner of the eye, 
 I know riijht away what's the mutter with him (li^jhts 
 pipe). This caso (pointing fin^fer towards Anton) is a 
 bad one. Tlie father of my cousin's brother-in-law had 
 it the same way. *IIe won't ^et well a^rain', I said 
 when he hiy down, andso it turned out, all rij^ht enough. 
 When he got better once more, they said to me *Now 
 you see what you know al)out it! He's as well now as 
 he ever was before.' — Just wait! I told them, you'll 
 find out by'm-by; if I look at a man from the left corner 
 of my eye, I know how it'll i)an out. So let us wait 
 and see. And what do you think about it? It didn't 
 tike him six m(jre years and he was gone. 
 
 Joe. To be sure, he got a relapse! What do doctors know 
 al)out iti 
 
 White. Of what did lie die? 
 
 Bass. Well, it wiusn't exactly like tli:it, you know. He 
 was working in a stone quarr^^ and about twenty tons 
 of rock fell on liim and crushed him. 
 
 White. ^\ hy, that had nothing to do with his former 
 sickness, had it? 
 
 Joe. I don't see how that resulted from his sickness.. .. 
 
 Huss. Well, you know if he hadn't been sick In? fore, he 
 would have been stronger and in a better condition to 
 stand the load, you see. If you don't take a IxHter bold 
 of Anton than ihe doctors will, he'll never get over 
 this, for that's what I told the father of my cousin's bro- 
 ther-in-law. 
 
 Jake. I think you're correct, Bass. 
 
 Bass. Of course, I am, and Anton wants to be treated dif- 
 ferently from this, I say. 
 
 Joe. That's what I've been saying all this while. You 
 
13 
 
 must draw out the fever, I say. If I was his doctor I'd 
 put a mustard plaster on his feet, a chunk of ice on his 
 stomach and hot poultices on his head. These '11 drive 
 the heat away from his brain so it has to pass under 
 that chunk of ice and gets cooled oir; then the mustard 
 plaster on his foot sole will draw it out, and there you 
 are! 
 
 Jake. I believe you're right. 
 
 Bass. Think so? I tell you you'd kill him sooner 'n a 
 cat jumps out'n the pantry. I say talk it out'o his 
 head, that's what helps a sick person; cause him to 
 laugh like the dickens, tell him to forget his ailment, 
 and make him rest well and long. That's it! 
 
 Joe (laughs sneeringly and makes signs of distractedness). 
 
 Jake. That's so, I believe you, Bass. Whenever I take a 
 couple of whiskeys and two or three mugs of beer, I 
 feel just fine and don't notice anything of sickness. 
 
 Bass. Now watch me cheer up Anton. I'll make a well 
 man of him in less than no time (sits down at foot end 
 of couch and tries to draw Anton's attention by cough- 
 ing and clearing his throat). Hello, Anton. — Hello, I 
 say. You're feeling fine, ain't you? 
 
 Anton (remains silent). 
 
 Bass. Hello, Anton! Fine weather we're having today, 
 isn't it? Only just a trifle hot, eh ? (pokes Anton's ribs.) 
 Fine weather, I say. Are you sleeping? 
 
 Joe (whistles thru his teeth as tho ridiculing Bass). 
 
 Bass. Here, if you're sleeping, just tell me so, and Fll go 
 away, 
 
 Anton (moans.) 
 
 Bass (to the others). There, did you hear? He's picking 
 up (to Anton). That's right, Anton, always be jolly 
 
All 
 pell 
 mel 
 
 14 
 
 and keep yom chin raised up. We're (»nl\ rying to 
 cheer yon. 
 
 Wife. Here, lake some medicine, Anton (t^ives him). 
 
 Bass. That tastes horrid, doesn't it, Anton ? Eii? I be- 
 lieve yoifd like your sour kraut and Frankforts l)etter. 
 eh? (iK)kes A/s ribs.) That's intended for a joke. An- 
 ton. 
 
 Anton (strikes at Bass' ear with liand). That's intended 
 for a joke also. Oh, dear mel Why can't you j)eople 
 let me rest I This is almost unbearable. 
 
 Wife. Dear me, Anton, what aic you doin^'! You're 
 
 raving wild, 
 elake. It was only meant to be a joke, Anton. 
 White. Anton, you ou^ht to be able to take a joke 
 
 without jljetting roiled, ouijhtn't you? 
 Bass. Oh, you are getting to be as rough jus burlap. 
 Who would strike a friend like that! 
 Nack (and Lyle enter). How-ye-do. (shaking hand all 
 
 around, rei)eating 'How-ye-do' at cvGvy .shake). 
 Lyle (follows Xack in same manner.) How-ye-do. 
 (Much bustle aiid noise) 
 
 I Joe (shakes hand). How do you do, Nack. (U» 
 
 Lyle) same to you, Lyle. 
 ; \N'hite (shakes hand). So, la, la, Nack. (to Lyle) 
 Same to you, Lyle. Always hustling, as you see. 
 Bass (shaking hand) Ever shaking along, you 
 know\ (to Lyle) How's your wife and children, 
 Lyle. 
 Jake (shaking hand). Tolerable, that's all. How ib 
 youi'self^(to Lyle) Fine, old boy. Same to you. 
 Wife (shaking hand), (ilud you came, NnoK. (to 
 Lyle) Thank you. How is Mrs. Lyle. 
 Nack( turning to couch.) How is the world using you, 
 Anton ^ Pretty bad. ehV 
 
 All 
 pell- 
 mell 
 
15 
 
 Lyle (to Anton,) Why don't you get up and plough, 
 
 Anton? Too hot, eh? 
 Nack, My, what a fever youVe got, man! Yon are almost 
 
 looking like a dead man. 
 Lyle. Well, do you think you'll pull thru, Anton? 
 Nack. Tell me how it happened, Anton. How did you 
 
 catch it? 
 Anton (rising in wrath, stares at them). 
 Nack. I mean how it came that you got sick. 
 Anton (crying, excitedly). Can't you sheepheads see that 
 you are killing me? I tell you for the last time give 
 me a rest. 
 Nack and hyle (stand off, as tho frightened.) 
 
 Joe. He's been acting that way ever since I'm here. 
 There's no use talking, he won't be quiet. 
 I Jake. That's so, I can prove it. 
 I Bass. Ho gets wilder and more restless every min- 
 ll' I ute. I've never seen the like of it neither with 
 meli 1 i^^i^ nor with beasts. 
 
 White. I've also been trying to quiet him down, 
 
 but it was of no use. 
 Wife (weeping.) Anton, Anton, dear, will you 
 take a drink of water? Nice cool water? 
 Anton. Let me alone, don't you hear? I want rest, (screams) 
 
 rest!— rest! 
 
 Wife (weeping). That's how he's acting all the time! I don't 
 
 know what to do ( sits in corner, covers face with apron). 
 
 Nack (to the others, pointing with thumb over his back 
 
 towards Anton). I'm afraid he won't make it very long 
 
 any more. See if I ain't correct ( fills and lights pipe). 
 
 Has some one got a mate! ? 
 
 Lyle (grabbing his vest pockets for matches). We all have 
 
to i^o llKil WH.\ (MM- linn* or uintllier. No. sir, I huNcn L 
 {jot nuy (starts fillinjj liis pipe). 
 
 (Others hand over matclies.) 
 
 Nack. V«'.s, that's so. We can't get around that. 
 
 Lyle. I know very well what's the matter with liim (nod- 
 ding towards Anton). It's the same thing I've had once. 
 It started at the h)wer parts of my logs and crawled up- 
 wards (sh(»wing this with his hand) until it settled on my 
 stomach. Shucks, how that crawled and gnawed and 
 pulled! I can't Le.ll yuu how! My wife had made dump- 
 lings with bacon for dinner, something I can never get 
 enough of; still I couldn't cat more'n six or seven of them 
 dumi)liii.iLrs,I simply had to give up. My stomach wouldn't 
 tako'm. Isn't that so, Anton? I'm sure your stomach 
 won't hold more'n that (Anton remains silent). After 
 that it went up here (shows with hand on breast) and 
 then it kept on rising higher and higlier \mtil it settled 
 right on my brain( the others giggle and snicker); Lyle 
 does not notice it.) I just behaved like a drunken man-al- 
 ways walked round about in a circle. Isn't that so, Anton ? 
 I'm sure you couldn't walk straight even if you tried. — 
 And not the least noise nor talking could I stand. 
 I just said to my wife, 'Can't you keep your fly-trap 
 shut? Vour babl)le and gossip '11 surely make nv^ crazy. 
 I simply can't stand it any longer. Nobody will l>elieve 
 how i);ul I felt. Feel the same way, Anton? 
 
 Anton. Yes. I'll .soon grow crazy too, if you don't stop 
 your .>^iliy b:ib])le. Oh dear, can't these people .see how 
 I'm suffering! 
 
 Nack. I believe you, Anton. I felt the very same way 
 and had to suffer and suffer — nobody would believe me 
 if I Wiis going to tell you. The worst of it was when I 
 
17 
 
 came down with rheumatism 
 
 Joe( interruptingly). I can sing the same song. Two years 
 ago last winter when I 
 
 Wife( interrupting- him and rising). Ah, there's Mrs. But- 
 termouth! . .eTust walk in, Mrs. Buttermouth. I s'pose 
 you want to see how Anton is getting along. 
 
 Mrs. Buttermouth(enters, followed by three children, each 
 carrying a bottle). How do you do. How are you, 
 every one of you. Yes, Fm going to call on Anton m 
 order to see how he is improving. 'John'. I said to John 
 who is my husband, 'John, ' I said, John, did you hear? 
 Anton is reported very sick, almost dying, they say. 
 You ought to go over and see how he is.' — ' Let me 
 alone,' says he' with stuff like that. If Anton is sick, 
 the proper thing to do then is to let him alone and give 
 him a chance to rest. If they need somebody to stky 
 over night with him, they'll most likely tell us so.'-Says 
 I to John, 'John,' says I, 'John, it doesn't look nice if 
 no one goes over there. What'll people think of us, if 
 we never stop to look in at their place?'— Says John, 
 who is my husband, says he,' Anton will be very glad 
 if nobody calls to disturb and molests him. This calling 
 and coming, going and talking and such foolish behavior 
 is enough to kill any horse, to say nothing of a man.' 
 Now you musn't think that John doesn't care anything 
 about his neighbors —he simply is of that exerordnary 
 way, always different than the rest of us. (approaches 
 Anton) But I am forgetting to bid you the time of the 
 day. How are you, Anton ?;Why, you look as colorless 
 as a shroud! Dear me! How you scare me. — I>e brot 
 along a few articles which may do you some good. At 
 least it'll be Nvell for you to try them. This here (points 
 
to bottle ill lirr liaiid) is an excellent riihbin^ oil. ( to 
 ohildnMi) Haiul me over those other bottles. — This is 
 ifood for almost an.vthirnf. It smells very strong, but 
 it iM'netrates to the very marrow of the boiie(i)iits bottle 
 (HI table). This hero is an excellent liniment forrubbinjf 
 ill, but you must rub (juitt* hard(i)uts l)ottle on table). 
 And this here (holds bt)ttle against lisrht) — well, to .«;ay 
 the truth — I don't know myself what it contains (smells 
 at the cork.) Phew! That's strong stuff. Well, any- 
 how, it rertiiinly is ijood for something, and if the <»thers 
 don't do you any good you may just as well try this. But 
 don't take it intei-nally only for rubbing extorn.illy, 
 you know (stands back, aghast). For pity's sake, what's 
 the inatt^M* with Anton? He's turning the whites of his 
 eyes about IlelpI - Help! - r— help! - - 
 AlUjumping up and i)ushing towards Anton, who has risen^ 
 Anton( waving and l)randishing his arms, dist<)rting face, 
 screaming). Oh -- Oh! this is killing me Tm 
 
 going crazy Help! - Help me from my friends! 
 (they try to take hold of liis hands and arms and t(M|uiet 
 him down again) 
 
 i Nack. No, Anton, you musn'l . . ..you musn't l)e 
 
 lieve that! 
 
 ' Wife. There! Now he's tuining ins head — going 
 
 cwvLy. (Folding hands above head, lamenting.) 
 
 Joe. Hurry and get .some hot poultices— a clnink 
 
 .Ml. of ice- .some mustard i)lnstei*s ...Hurry or 
 
 Pf^'l you'll be too late. 
 
 ^ , Ua.ss. It's all a joke, Aiiton. just keriK|uiet; they're 
 I jollying you, that's all. 
 
 I Jake. Be quiet, Anton, this'll pa.ss soon and you'll 
 be all right again. Sec, we're here and won't 
 harm you. 
 
19 
 
 IWhile above is going on doctor enters and remains at en- 
 trance as tho wondering what this all is about) 
 Doctor. Have you all gone crazy? What are you doing 
 
 here? 
 Anton (screaming.) They're killing me — killing me — 
 kill — ing — me! 
 
 Joe. How dare you say that, Anton. This is 
 
 where our wa^^s part. Shame on you. 
 Bass. This settles the hash. Killing him! I'd like 
 
 to know who is killing him. 
 Jake. That's enough for me, I'm going (turns as 
 I to leave.) 
 
 AH, 1 Nack. He certainly is out'o his mind — calling us 
 pell- ^i murderers! 
 
 mell White. Killing him! — Who would 'a thot this of 
 Anton! 
 Bass. That's what you get for being good to other 
 people. 
 
 I Mrs. Butterm. And after all I believe John, my 
 husband, is right when he says, let sick people 
 [ alone. 
 Doctor. And what's this rubbish here ? (takes up bottles 
 from table, smells at one and throws it out) Hm, hm! 
 Now I do actually believe they are trying to mur- 
 der this poor fellow, (to wife). Didn't I tell you he 
 must have perfect rest and no disturbance, no excite- 
 ment, no callers? What in the name of reason and com- 
 mon sense made you prop this house with callers and 
 tobacco smoke and so forth? 
 Wife (weeps). They were only calling on him. We haven't 
 done anything bad, to be sure, only trying to keep him 
 quiet; and in spite of all this he grew worse. 
 Doctor. No wonder! Why did you go at it in such around- 
 
ai)oiit-WHy? Von would hare had succeeded sooner if 
 you'd clubbed his head or hunjj him to the ceilinjf. he 
 would have l>ecome quiet in a minute or two to l)e sure. 
 Why, jv'ople, callinjf in the manner you have called 
 here on sick i)eoi)lc, you'd murder a ten year old ox in- 
 side of ten minutes, to say nothing of Anton.— Get out 
 of this, every blessed soul of you, in less than 1^0 seconds. 
 Hurry now I 
 
 .loo. Well, this is what I call fresh, (lood-by. 
 I (exit) 
 
 j White. Good- by. Hojk' you 11 m-X well :i'j»tii. 
 ,1 This'll do me for a long time, (exit) 
 
 Bass. This is a rouy:h and toujjh place anyhovs. 
 no wonder they'te trentiiit,'- pec^jlr |ik.' doir-s 
 here, (exit) 
 Jake, ril never cull on Ant(»ii ajjain, so much 
 
 is settled, (exit) 
 Lyle. Well, now — well, now - - this is how you 
 
 throw people out'o doors, I s*pose. (exit) 
 \ack. Never met such a ruffi^M ,lr./i..r lM>rMtc 
 I,m sure, (exit) 
 Doctor. It's neighbois they call themseKe;?, and brut**.** 
 they are. 
 
 Air 
 
 l>ell- 
 mell 
 push- 
 ing to 
 wards 
 door. 
 
 C U in A I N 
 
 ^/ 
 

9ramntifcb> 
 
 .RY OF CONGRESS 
 
 017 400 964 8 
 
 inlil^ 
 
 }-;: 1 nil ,](flDf. ■*< miinniitpc Zfcoiun. 
 
 Ti vl^ud. 2 iDfiblic^c uno 4 mttnuli(^>e 'MoVitn 
 
 (^brli(^ wa^rt am lan^^f^en. 12 bift 20 ^erfonen 
 ?ie l^einfen}. 1 iveiblid^ie unb 8 indnnlid^e iHoUen 
 .^nut{(^boftOT v^trdnel. 9nmnnl. u. 5 tueiblK^e :KoQen 
 Tir nirnob^ige itaabj. 4 indnnl. u. 4 tveiblidl^c SRoQcn 
 -Ter (^cifenflopp . 10 roeiblic^c JRoUeu 
 
 w 
 
 .20 
 
 •Jo 
 
 .25 
 
 DRAMATIC PLAYS. 
 
 Honesty is the Best Policy. About 20in.. 
 
 Grapejuice. 7m 
 
 The Chiropractor. 9m, 5f 
 
 Ruled by Suffragettes. About ir)f 
 Wanted—a Wife. 2m and 2f 
 The Cerebroscope. 8m and li' i. 
 A Nail in the Fl.w»r im 
 
 .25 
 20 
 
 16 
 10