r>^0> ;>"T -^:^' i23ae^:^"->3P- lasjg> Sz> HIBRARY OF CONGRESS.^ ||l.ai;.lr....C. |op8visI,f ||o ^. \ I UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, f 10 ^,'«t,<«-^fe'<*.'^'«. ^ft.^^ '?ife-<^-«^(g) ^'>36 :ilg> :)^ >> :>' > :xj'.>?>_^. »>:5> >-^y'v ->:>j>-' -■>» > :z> S3fy:>^:»:> ::>^. ^^^ ►^Ll> 3 1^ >::20 j> J T»S>— ^^ 3300:55 3 CQ ^3 :y2>>~ ::>!4^::^^ s> ,::^ > 3 » >>33'>:2 3«^ J» .^^ ^ '^ 9 :> >~ 0;5 >:5>j ^:>3^j ^^»^ ► :>- gs^ :>:'^^ :::^ ^> .^>;^:?J ^>^ ^!>>^^ ^>'^ "^ 3 :>? / ^l c^sr/^.A ' -';Vj5v''J^c EVERYTHING SERENE t ^, J Entered accordinj^ to Act of Congress, (m d^vU.\MuL ^'cU^t^^^i^ io the year 1871, U In the oflSce of tbe Librarian of Con^iress at Wasbiusftou. TO THE THIS POEM IS MOST RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED. Men who can so get the start as to usurp, with the apparent consent of those whom they oppress, and maintain so long within themselves the most important functions of Government, are without question entitled to great consideration. Literature and Art should combine to perpetuate their memory. One, at least, has already been done up in " perishable brass ;" and undoubt- edly the bones of each, " when he has run his course and sleeps in blessing?, will have a tomb of orphans' tears wept on them." It was ths original purpose to make the dedication to General Grant, as suggesting a few "unconsidered trifles " for his next message. But he who can have Kings to godfather his productions will not be content with a mere President whose powers, as the people's representative, these mouarchs have so mercilessly usurped. If^etv TorJ:, JuUj 4, 1871. I NOW HAVE WAITED LONG, AND LONG IN TAIN, FOR SOME BOLD BARD TO DRIVE WITH TRUTH AMAIN THROUGH THE OPPRESSIONS THAT DEFORM THE TIME AND INDICATE A REMEDY IN RHYME. I LOOKED TO Bryant, but he does not stir ; TO Longfellow, hoping that he would demur ; TO Holmes and Lo^\^5LL, diamond-pointed wits ; TO Harte and Hay, who now are the "on dits;" but most I LOOKED, FROM OUT THAT BRILLIANT THRONG, FOR PEERLESS WhITTIER, THAT SLEUTH-HOL^D FOR WRONG, WHO NEVER SCENTS OPPRESSION BUT GIVES TONGUE THAT MAKES THE NATION FEEL ITS HEART IS WRUNG. No ONE APPEARS TO CLAIM THE RUGGED FIELD- SOME ONE MUST ENTER IT ; — ^ALL SHOULD NOT YIELD, FOR FEARLESS TRUTH IS SENTINEL TO RIGHT, ITS ALLY PROMPT WHEN IT's ASSAILED BY MIGHT. THEN MARVEL NOT 't IS STRANGE THAT EVEN I SOUND THE ALARM, FOR THERE IS DANGER NIGH. EVERYTHINQ SERENE. A Talk Between Two Citizens About Public Affairs. WEW YORK, JULY, 1871, 1st Citize)d — It g^Us me like the devil tbat we 're sold. Traded like sbeep and oxen, just for gold — Put up and cliafFered far like Guinea slaves, Played with. at shuttlecock by grasping knaves • Who knoW' not justice, never felt a qualm^ Or an emotion^ save an ^' itching palm ; '' Who cheat like dicers without stint or rnth,. But it is true, nay^ 'tis the ^^ frozen truth. " 2nd Clt. — ^AYhy wbat^s the matter^ Bob, are you, too, pouting, Frozen with dumps ? Is patriotism sprouting ? Do not our fellows give us all we ask ! Sure, voting once a year is not a task — True, it is rather trying to '' repeat," But then we have to do it or be beat. They tell me now they have a new invention. By which the voter misses his intention. — - A sort of " thimble-rig " or hocus-pocus Between the voter and the box or focus Whereat he aims, and by this sleight-hand pother Votes cast on one side count upon the other ! It is a safety-valve got up by smarts Who, seeking new, know nothing of lost, arts ; By means whereof we get a double swing. And our Repeaters 'scape the double Sing, Doubts of the " catch " in this way we forestall — Our nets are sure of a tremendous Hall. Now is not this a glorious way to live ? The City's our milch-cow, and. Don't she give ! 1st Cit. — Yes, yes, I used to think so, but 't won't pay *' The cat will mew, the dog will have his day " — What taking merit can there be in greed. Or on what meat doth this corruption feed That its compounded essence should o'erride The City's strength, the City's manly pride, That doubts amazed what remedy to try, Beholding offal kites soaring so high ! And now they hold their rod over the State, Compel its homage at the City's gate, Dispense large largess, deal out common dole To us and to each purchased perjured soul — Whom their hell-bent rapacity hath used — Against a people plundered and abused. Vile are the instruments by which they mount, And we are they, prized only as we count. 2nd at— 'Now J Bob, you are a gull ! Who pay the taxes ] AVe hav'iit got a cent ; we are the axes That cut the chips out of the o'ergrown trees And lay them prostrate, level with the breeze ; And then we build our craft from out the wreck. And mount, like our ringleaders, on the deck. The sweat of all the land comes to the town — It is our oyster; let us do it brown, And not be prating about right and wrong ; The song of justice is too old a song ; Anon we shall have Wisdom in the streets Dispensing knowledge to each dunce she meets. The papers have got into a cotilHon Because the ^' Boss " by two and fifty million Has increased the City's debt in thirty months ; I wish they 'd contemplate the Scriptures once, — They'd see the beauty then, and so would you, Of having old things pass away for new. Then, thirty months of time 's an awful sight, — Central took forty millions in a night. And for it put a mortgage on the State But takes the interest in fare and freight. So as not to burden. Old Monopoly Don 't tax the pul)lic only on the sly. The '' Boss" is on more " economic views, " — Vide ^' Mayor's Message." It is full of news. The difference '^ reminds me. " Mose, a chief In Tammany, mourned his spouse with touching grief; A friend called to console. " You took on bad ! " 8 " Where did you see me f '' At the house ; 'twas sad !" " Oh," repHed Mose, " that mourning wasn't brave ; You just had ought to seen me at the grave !" But these things are of no account to us — A railer shoukl be some tax-ridden cuss. • 1st CU,~We don't pay taxes 1 Don't we I From the milk We feed our babes, to the scant Sunday silk We deck our wives withal, there's not a thing Bat festers with exaction's cruel sting. We don't pay taxes ! I tell you tliey take all, Whether we steal or earn it in a stall. The credit of the land conies from its sweat — Money but measures, labor pays, the debt. The poor have to contend with every need ; They are the slaves of taxes and of greed. In this, worse than the Cities of the Plain, The rich grow richer. Does the poor man gain I Show me the trade that thrives save backed by wealth, Or politics that gathers gold by stealth ! There are no laws enacted for the poor ; Monopoly, grim monster, holds the door, And when the tax-gatherer has got his fill. We are turned naked to that ruffian's w^ll. The crumbs we get are hardly a per cent On what we pay for victuals, clothes and rent More than we should if we had righteous rule — And he who does 'nt know it is a fool. 9 2nd at. — Come, don't be peevish ! Tweed does all lie can ; Sure Sweeny 's a " marvellous proper man " And Oakey Hall, and Connolly to boot, And rare O'Gorman, they are all cahoot ; They say they will divide like tkorough-breds, There's notlnng mean in them; they've level lieads; Know how to work the cards and gall tlie rich, And promise soon to lift us from the ditch ; The Irishman shall have his whiskey-straight, The cannie Scotchman glad shall gang his gait. The burly Teuton shall quaff off his beer. And every man shall be his neighbors peer. Be patient, man, though now you feel so sore. Cling to the ship, we '11 soon be at " the fore !" Watch well the tide and mount with the ground swells And we '11 get into office spite of hell. Did not Mike Norton do that very thing, And now" is welcomed home like prince or king ! Then Fisk and Gould, how easy they got Erie, And keep it too, by law, in spite of query ; They have a Shearman for their golden fleece And just the D. D est field that they could lease For crops. Let Bowles and Barlow rant ; And Jones — they'd like to come it, but they can't ! Pamphlet has used them all up with his flail. He 's the last rattle in great Webster's tail — And when the godhke bent his awful frown 'T was his last rattle made them all come down. 10 'Tis said Saint Peter's name was given to Jove — You know lie was a quick outsj^oken cove, "Who for his Master made the brashest raids, And then denied him square to kitchen-maids ; Changing at times he was as Jove's four moons, That flit about his disk hke bright balloons, Then, staunch and loyal for the new-born faith, - He suffered martyrdom, a cruel death ; And now he keeps the keys, and has to wait Seldom arrivals at the awful gate, — It's steady business and of strictest trust, — If road-directors had it they w^ould burst Because they could not plunder the assets, But Peter merely scowls and pouts and frets, The business is so dull, '^fishing for men ; " He does'nt get a nibble once in ten ; — A shining light ; the Romans, knowing this, — And born a Jew ! Mark, now, I do not quiz. For that the euphony and sound is sweeter They manufactured Jove into Ju-Piter. I don't see why I rang this thing in here. Speaking of Peter, it is very queer, — Because we know our Peter is no saint, Nor has he of their ways the slightest taint. • • • • • " Assume a virtue if you have it not ! " — Hoffman has this conundrum to a dot. He winces when they give him laws to sign That were not passed; but then he is *' divine'^ 11 On all the " Ring'' get througli for his approval ; And, serves them for appointment and removal. The Boss has wiped out that vile Registry Clean as a shot-gun, — how is that for high ! And got the Broadway-widening into shape In spite of Constitution and red tape. Nor death nor taxes seem to stay his course — Stand by him, Bob, for lie^s the winning hor^e ! We '11 sack the city, not with fire and sword, — It is by law and ordinance we hoard, All duly signed and printed in the books And handed to us like receipts for cooks. Go for the Legislature, — sharp, my honey, — Or for the Common Council and get money, And when you get there, get on a Committee, And look as grave as Coke, as wise as Chitty ! Be Chairman if you can, for, if you win it. The " boys " will tell you " there is something in it ; " Gro after it ! and don't you care for me, I '11 be receiver or a referee, — Each man's estate is subject to the law. And " every thing depends upon the draw." The merchant-princes will not interfere ; They 're business, and don't like the smell of beer. Traffic exalts but politics degrade, , If tricks they understand they 're those of trade. I sometimes think they grind the poor a little, And use them just as faggots for the kettle, — 12 But then society is so composed The poor seem born expressly to be nosed. That bright philosopher in GiNx's Baby Must have been right ; though, perhaps, may be, Poor babies can be born without offence, Though I don't see upon what just pretence Edouard who, whelped, can toot a golden horn. Is under obligations to be born. But then poor Ned or labor-slaving Sammy Should take the other horn of the dilemma. In practice it's exactly the reverse, — Aristocrats treat " bornin' " as a curse. So you will find that babies among such Are never born extensively or much, While with the poor that fountain 's never dry ; They live the text, ^' Increase and multiply." But then why don't the rascals all get rich ? Our boys all do it, but what way or which Puzzles belief Neither chairs norCongress istheir style, But when they 're Aldermen they make their pile. Then there 's Monopoly 's King ! He run a ferry In opposition, and he made it merry. Then to the seas he took and conquered there, Though some have whispered 't was not on the scpiare. But still he conquered, and, so liked the flood, That now he swims in water like a toad. No Dives he, not yet exactly Moses, H(^ smites the rock but beats l^ack all the noses From the cool spring, except his own, and friends' 13 Who work like galley-slaves to serve liis ends. The rest he rules, like stupid dolts or blocks Who need no water save his watered stocks, For heavy tribute, and to strict account He brings them all for items and amount. He has wrung millions from the laboring poor ; Against their commerce now he holds the door. . He 's got both State and City by the throat, Has raised the drawbridge and filled full the moat ; Each trade and business has to make rendition, To farm them all he has a full commission, Against which no one dares to say a word, 'T will " injure values " if they should be heard — And who can prosper unless stocks shall rise ; Those that are weak the strong must equalize — A curious way monopoly has to boil Its pots alike, and further mortgage toil. Judges and Legislatures are his slaves ; He fills the land with his victorious braves; In spite of Constitution and Democracy He has entailed a moneyed aristocracy. Still he shows feeling ; when the suffering cry, He 's certain to have water in his eye. In the ''Lake Shore" there is to be a grab Of millions more. That old prolific drab Is worse than any Babylonish trull ; Of her iniquity the land is full, But still she purposes another raid Upon the people's purses and their trade. 14 And they will nobly stand it, one and all, For they are " pigeon-livered and lack gall To make oppression bitter.'' It is gay ! When such things can be done in open day It's a moot question if there can be fraud, If virtue's image has not turned a bawd, — And, midst the snares inwoven by the Courts, No one can make it out from the Reports. Railroad directors are a lively crew ! They hold trust places, but who 'd trust them ? Whew ! In secret met, like gamesters at a board, With commerce for their bank from which to hoard, And stocks for chips, they make their certain bets And gamble with the trust for trust assets ! Their music is the suffering nation's groans Which pays for all their stocks, bonds, frauds, and loans. Shoulders each burden, pays each gambling debt With labor's robbed and agonizing sweat ! And vet in all of this " There 's no abuse ; " These things are done just for the ^' public use." Look at the statutes if you doubt my word, Or ask the Judges if it seems absurd. The people's representatives were there, Monopoly 's gold, the Speaker in the chair. The ayes and noes were duly all recorded, The ayes were treble and we are be-lorded. Thus on monopoly legislation showers Its grants with ^* large and beneficial powers," Like Captain Kidd's commission, and they 're used 15 Exactly like his — not n whit abused. When KiDD was cornered he just went for Moore, — So, cornering others, do these men of store. If anything 's omitted in the hurry The clerk supplies it with a sort of flurry ; " And when the tumult dwindles to a calm," It 's like elixir or life-giving balm, And we all swallow it and call it sweet, And beg monopoly to please repeat. Now, why don't all men this way fight the battle ?— Then we'd have done with common worky-cattle. I knew a fellow lived upon the Harlem, An awkward sort of splayfoot snill 'em snarl 'em, Who had about two cans of milk a day Made into cheese, and lived upon the whey ; He raised a doleful howl about the freights, Said they should correspond to distance, weights, Trouble in handling, and that sort of thing. And that a railroad should not have full swing To rob the people. It was a shame, a sin ; He could 'nt see where " public use " came in ; It was not right with its unfeeling screws To slave the land, its muscle, blood and thews, To pay for watered stock and forgery ; And he would like to know the reason why The Legislature did not right the thing — He was not yet adopted by the Ring. His neighbors, all amazed, flocked in to hear him 16 And in his righteous work to aid and cheer him ; Declared that fraud and crime should not be fed By sending children supperless to bed. They put him in the Legislature straight ; Like gudgeons, thought they had a certain bait. 'T was a bare hook ; like gudgeons they were caught- Their representative was promptly bought. He 's bagged half a million since, they say, And feeds on viands rich, instead of whey ; Nobody's hurt and everything 's serene, And though perhaps you think his neighbors green That they don 't hang him higher 'n Grilderoy, The verdict is that he 's a ^^ bully boy." In all of this you see mankind 's exalted 'Bove other animals. The last traitor halted Until five hundred dollars up per pound Was on the table. Don't you think he 's sound ? Porkers bring but a shilling. On the face It 's plain that man's a much superior race. Besides, it shows the progress of the age ; Man-traffic 's now the mania, the rage. IscARiOT once betrayed for " thirty pieces " — The '• price of blood " with everything increases — If here, peddling his treason as of old, Well watered it would bring a thousand fold, And men who now with indignation burn Would then exclaim, " it was a handsome turn." The blessings of monopoly are many ; 17 These serve for specimens as well as any. It wants and makes the laws, controls the press, The pulpit, bench, public opinion no less Than private ; then the new inventions That utilize, it takes in as " mere mentions." The whole in strength and harmony combine To harness labor, so that it may shine In robes paid for by other people's sweat ; Then it assumes without hindrance or let Most other functions of good government — - Regulates commerce, taxes, interest, rent. Examine and you '11 find the cheering fact, It is law-buttressed, near or quite intact. When roads their interest are called to pay, Congressional resolutions answer nay, Put through with lightning speed as soon as moved, Passed by both Houses, cheerfully approved, Declaring Government by its own act Is bound instead, by solemn law and pact. The same with taxes ; Senators say nay. And just as sure 's you 're born they '11 have their say. You know just how the thing was done in Coal, 'T was here monopoly played its grandest role — Raised carrying-rates, the price, oppressed the miners, And from the public rattled out the shiners. The press applauded — ^' 'T was an awful shame The miners struck; of course they were to blame." Deserted and o'erwhelmed labor gave in. Because you see it is a heinous sin 18 To stand out against monopoly ; 't wont do ; There 'aint no law for it ; it's mere bugaboo. Suppose the miners starve, the poor all freeze, — We cannot alter stern but just decrees, — Turn to the statutes ; — there 's the almighty fact, " The people's representatives enact " — What if you know and if perchance you rue it, That old Monopoly bought them up to do it, — To change or alter would be horrible, — Turn our fair structure to a shapeless pile — Not to be thought of — Monopoly must get richer ;- It's the alternative of dog and pitcher — His head fast in, decapitate the lout, — Still you must break the mug to get it out. And it is better to keep head and all Than that the whole a hopeless ruin fall. Monopoly pleads hard for cup and pup, As '' a first-class conundrum given up.'' Get rich, I say — ^let everybody get rich. It 's the millenium, the very pitch. The acme of delight. Just ask our Peter, If any thing on earth, save power, is sweeter. Get into Congress, get a railroad grant, Be fiscal agent, anything you want. The nation will applaud you and huzza If you have warrant for it, purchased law ; — Turn carpet-bagger, manufacture bonds. State, railroad, city, town or water-ponds, Advertise largely, foreigners will take 'em, 19 And wlieii you 've got tlieir money you can "shake 'em." There's J. Cooke's scheme, the famous Xorth Pacific, Can any thing on earth be more proHfic ! Colfax's epistles to ''Who woukl invest," Stir up advantages, a rousing nest, Which stamp the enterprise of the right breed ; To " Will it ! " he answers that " It will succeed." All this he says, and does Kxott tell the truth About the rising glories of Duluth I For if he does they 're printed in Fame's book — Eed Cloud, Big Thuxder, Homer and Jay Cooke. Bondholders escape taxes ; so do banks ; Railroads escape by means of water-tanks ; And then those fellows who the land-o^rants steal Have so arranged a wheel within a wheel That they get off. Old capital is sly And manages to eat and keep his pie. It is the ''thimble-game," safer than poker. You see, and now you don 't, the " little joker." To him that hath shall all things else be given ; From him that hatli not promptly shall be riven Even that he hath. That's scripture; and no saint. Bearing the heat and burden, e'er should faint Till it's performed at full for each command — Herein 's embraced all this we understand. The other rule of faith is like the last : Take all you can and what you take hold fast ; If any thing 's omitted, — Love thyself 20 • And love especially thy neighbor's pelf — Thou should'st not take it all^ for worldly pride ; Thou must not steal, but yet tliou may'st divide. This comprehends the profits and the law, A riclier faith than Israel ever saw. Old Hickory had the strangest sort of view, That government blessings should, like heaven's dew, Descend on all alike ; that corporations Were subject, too, and should not rule the nations By which they were created. But since then Our teachers are a different sort of men Who never in political economy Consult Evangelists or Deuteronomy, For if they did they'd find their first appeal Would be confronted with " Thou shalt not steal," *' Thou shalt not bear false witness " through Reports, Nor pervert judgment nor suborn the Courts, Nor shalt thou covet, rob, outrage, oppress. Love thyself more or love thy neighbor less. Convert him to an ass to carry loads, Nor plunder wretched poverty's abodes ; Laws shall be equal, true, unpurchased, just, Corruption ** earth to earth and dust to dust.'^ Theirs 's the new faith : Monopolize capital, Bind labor to it, body, boots and soul ; Levy high taxes, heavy freights and fares For manufacturers' and railroads' heirs ; Grant subsidy to ships and bonds to roads ; 21 Higli oil the people's backs pile up the loads ; If we liave mines to delve or wastes to clear Enthrone Monopoly as pioneer ; Stint it in nothing, neither cash nor soil, Clothe it with powers to slave the sons of toil ; Give millions of acres to any who '11 survey, And for the ^^ public use '' lay out a way, — Then with the statutes play the very deuce, Show 'tis for private, not for public, use. If any tiling's ^* round loose," pass laws and steal it- The Treasury is fat and will not feel it, Hailroad directors^ rich with all the rest, All in hio-h feather, feather well their nest: They rule home commerce and rule it so well That every single ounce is made to tell, And the last dime which slavish Labor sends Pans out to them millions in dividends — - And this enthrones these monarchs of the earth, As if they were inheritors by birth. For wdio rule commerce can rule everything; They have usurped each attribute of King, And when a nation yields to such a school, Give it a fool's cap and write on it, Fool, And hand it soul and body to the '* pool.'^ Old Massachusetts did propose some laws, Which, if enacted, would have given pause To this prosperity. She offered well, But the result shows that she, too, will sell. In Illinois they truly put one through ; — 22 New States must blunder into something new — But then they say the thing was done in sport And will be set aside by the first court ; It 's dates to onions that it ^s not enforced — Monopolies by courts can 't be coerced. The veriest watch-dog round the Treasury Is rough old Spinner, and he 's gone to sea ''What he shall see/' and w'hile he's after sights Will be a glorious time for flying kites. Our " foreign interest '' is promptly paid Bj^ selling bonds ; to cultivate the trade ; L ike quacks, we furnish them in all amounts, And while they 're taken interest hardly counts. It 's like the moris muUicaidis bubble, And has to burst before there 's any trouble. The "bulls " all bellow and the " bears " are shy But hope to get their nose in by and by. And when they do, and things are on the square, May be they '11 find the land is pretty bare. Our finances are in most prime condition — The gamblers run them now upon commission. Our debt by dint of sweating, hoping, praying, Thank God ! is nearly all in interest-paying. That school of devil-fish, the National Banks, Help to put labor through with foaming flanks. With scarce a reason why they should exist They are wove into us like stub-and-twist ; To furnish them with sap we delve and grab ; 23 We are the twist, they 're nothing but the stub ; They condescend to give a needed help,— Say we don't need them and just hear them yelp. Their printed rags the public weal conserves, For this they loan them all plus their reserves. Greenbacks for currency would do as well, Convertible to bonds and back. Do tell ! But then we should save interest — that 's bad ! We 'd have no reason then to ply the gad ! The system now, though vile, w^e cannot change, — Horror on horrors ! how it w^ould derange Finance ! We must put on the lash. And drive like Jehu to the final smash ! Fly rags, '^ bear " gold, buy bonds at the puff-price — It 's just like betting against loaded dice — There 's no deceit, we 're sure of the result, — A mule could see it if not too occult ! That magic cry, '^ the credit of the nation," Is all that keeps us from repudiation. And that 's been used so long to grind out tin, That it 's a getting just a little thin. If Butts keeps after, he will surely skin it ; He says there 's neither rhjane nor reason in it. The real sweat is souring into Naj^ Bondholders exclaim, '' 'T is monstrous! we must pn v." Against the frauds which the gain-getters ply There is reserved a sovereign remedy. And if w^rong happen, it will be some fault Of those who scourge hard labor to revolt, 24 For they are going it a little loose And there ^s some danger they may sjDoil the goose. Sumner was death on Slavery, but that 's dead ; And with it, too, it seems he 's gone to bed : Domingo's ghost gave him a dreadful fright, But that once laid, he turns and says '^ Good Night !'' The honor of the Senate when at stake For several earnest fellows was a cake ; On leakage they just went their " level pile," And struck a water-tank instead of 'Mle." The Tribune says, maugre their knowing look, AVhat they don't know would fill a monstrous book. There ^s much in Trumbull ; but it won't come ont ; His " senders '' both are spavined with a doubt. And others, when the fight begins to press, Slop over with bewildered earnestness. Still, when approached, the Senate comes to time And for Monopoly its work is prime. On Subsidy the House is very grand ; Each member's craw seems to be full of sand ; Put into any statute the word *^give," And it goes through like water through a sieve ; When a suspension of the rules is wanted, Then put in graiit for everything is granted. like Paul, the Southern States seem prone to bonds, And carpet-bags and loyal demi-mondes, Who take deep interest in their estate Because their principle is very great. 25 If once in office then their fortune 's made, Integrity 's their only stock-in-trade. But this they turn so often to account Tnat the grand total is a vast amount. Now don't you think that any nation 's blest. With such advantages above the rest. There 's disappointment about Pleasonton ; He kicks out of the traces ; won 't be ^^ run;" Don 't understand Monopoly ; scans its word 'Bout " Central's " taxes, — oh ! he is absurd. Those cute '' certificates " draw interest like money And are, and are not, property ; its funny, But that 's the fact. Just hear me state the case : They are a binding claim upon their face Against the '^ future earnings " of the road; Viewed in this light, they are an extra load, And not a gain. But this he thinks too thin, And here 's exactly how the joke comes in : These ^^ future earnings " have to all be made Out of the business of the land, its trade, The road acting merely as collector of these dues, Using the public for this " public use." So that, instead of being the road 's debt, They 're a fraud-mortgage upon pul)lic sweat, Which is enforced, traded in, bought and sold And used for income, just the same as gold, Without a dollar out. To tax them is a shame ! That stubborn soldier's awfully to blame ! 26 Then Ackerman 's a good deal in the way, Brim fall of crochets. Such chaps " never pay." He 's against " rings," and when they 're sure to win, Holding '' four aces," wdiy he just chips in With a ^' flush sequence " and up goes their game. Then through the press they cry : '^ It is a shame ; He should be ousted 1" Right, my gentle hinds, Your indignation 's just, and it " reminds " — Van Burex, the great lawyer, called the Prince, Being against, made an old client wince — ^^ Will you defend a villain and a knave I Is there no cause too vile for you to brave I" '' Really, I cannot tell," Prince John replied — "What's your offence I You know l\e often tried." The " New Departure " 's a submissive trull As ever christening saw ; demure and dull, For like a Sabine after the first buss. Though she^s been ravished, she won't make a fuss. True, there was wrong and outrage in the act; Still it remains a fixed, accomplished fact ; Shocked that with Sambo she was caught a dullard She bows to fate, — the offspring must be colored. Sorrowing for such a cub that she should whelp it, Like Gixx she 's married and she could ^it help it. It 's overpowering upon finance — They would shed Thiers for it at sight in France — Its facts and arguments are so arrayed, Tliat I should think our pul^hc debt was paid. 27 Its blows aimed at abuse have such a twist, That, hke the Irishman's, the first hit missed. Then as the 'possum it can't see nor trace, The next lick takes him in the self-same place. I '11 not go through the crazy craft at full, But it 's all sails without a bit of hull. Its figure-head is smothered hate and rancor, And dead men's bones are both its keel and anchor. Still, any one disposed to be a searcher, Will find we need a very ^^ new departure." There was a brash attempt to gag the Press, — I don 't see why. It could ^nt well say less About '^ the boys." True, it snarls at Tweed, But he is of the smallest of the breed ; To bag a million he plays many a trick — They haul in fifty at a single lick. Why there be fellows whose fame it anoints, Who can grand-discount Tweed with ninety points. John Morrissey will lay you his last cent. The time 's not come yet for Tweed's monument. I here will menticm, just by way o^ finis, A New York girl can marry a McGinnis, And though some people think the fact surprising, Just hold your breath — our dander is a rising — It may be yet, that with the aid of pelf, We '11 match a Yankee to a royal Guelph. Though from that park there has been many a thefl. 28 Like " razor-strops," there is Beatrice left Who '11 play a match with Cupid, tierce-and-carte, And for her Hero wronged, would eat a heart. Who, though alone, declares she 's not for Lome ; In vain to her they wind the Highland horn, For she outbrags her sister, sweet Louisa, And dares a stout American to squeeze her, — Uncommon Benedick, for her, I ween. The peerless daughter of a spotless Queen — And here I quit with " everything serene." l6'^ Cit — It is good government for all you say, Where infamous Monopoly bears sway ! 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