4-oaS 
 
Book 
 

 
MY AUNT : 
 
 PETIT COMEDY, 
 
 6"/ 
 
 IN TWO ACTS, 
 
 [Performed at the Theatres Boston, New- York and London. 
 
 ORRECTED FROM THE PROMPT-BOOK, BOSTON. 
 
 BOSTON; 
 PUBLISHED BY C. CALLENDER, 
 
 Shakspeare Circulating Library, 25 School street* 
 
 1820. 
 

p 
 
 % 
 
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONS. 
 
 Dashall, 
 
 Frederick, - 
 
 Rattle, - - 
 
 Soberlove, - 
 
 Mrs. Corbett, 
 Emma, 
 
 Boston. 
 Mr. Wallack. 
 Mr. Pelby. 
 Mr. Bray. 
 Mr. Williams. 
 
 Mrs. Barnes. 
 Miss Jones* 
 
 
MY AUNT. 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 Scene i. — A Room at a country Inn, — The room in 
 great disorder. — Cards on the. floor and scattered about 
 the tables. — Candle broke in Candlestick. 
 
 Enter Frederick and Rattle. 
 
 Rattle. {Entering) House I house ! house ! bless my 
 soul ! — if the house was in a blaze I could bawl no 
 louder ! What, nobody to take us in ? — The first Inn I 
 ever knew, your honor, that was'nt ready to take-in 
 travellers. 
 
 Frederick. Well, well, we have got possession of this 
 room, and hence will I despatch my letter immediately 
 to my inestimable Emma. 
 
 Rat. Your inestimable Emma will be the death of 
 your inestimable servant if we go on at this rate ! — Post 
 here ! — Post there, and wait for the Post no where ! — 
 Never easy a moment : Lovers I'm sure must be hung 
 on springs, like Mail Coaches, or they could never bear 
 so much jolting, and quick travelling without shaking 
 to pieces. 
 
6 MY AUNT : 
 
 Fred. Here's the letter: you must approach Mrs. 
 Corbettfs house cautiously. 
 
 Rat. Cautiously ! that's the first word, Sir, that im- 
 plies a slow motion that I've heard from your lips for 
 this twelve month. — But Hwill be prudent, for should 
 the old lady guess me, for Cupid's Embassador, and de- 
 tect us in this part of the world, the gentleman who His 
 said, is to marry Miss Emma, may prove rather an awk- 
 ward addition to our present small (tho' agreeable) 
 party. 
 
 Fred. Courage man, I fear him not — but see our host. 
 
 Enter Soberlove. 
 
 Soberlove. Sarvent, Gentlemen — beg a thousand par- 
 dons — fear I kept you waiting— lost a spoon — looking 
 for it. 
 
 Hat. I thought you might have lost your ears. 
 
 Fred. Why your house seems in disorder, friend. 
 
 Sober. Travellers playing here all night— little out of 
 sorts to be sure — but thafs no affair of mine ! 
 
 Fred. Yes— I see the field is still covered with the 
 implements of war. 
 
 Sober. Ah ! — don't name it, Sir, don't name it, Sir, 
 heard the shouts of the victor, and the cries of the 
 wounded all over the house, poor young gentleman — 
 quite ruined ! — done !— smashed ! He was going to 
 Mrs. Corbett's at the Manor-house, hard by — but thafs 
 no affair of mine. 
 
 Fred. To Mrs. Corbett's ! should this be my rival ? 
 
 Sober, The young gentleman arrived quite late — 
 dark night — lost his road — t'other gentleman here be- 
 fore him — both bragged — laid bets— asked for cards — 
 fell to — played and swore, till last comer, lost his all. — 
 Money, watch, gold seals, and snuff-box, and for aught 
 I know, hopes, and happiness-— but thaVs no affair of 
 mine / t 
 
A COMEDY. 7 
 
 Rat. Poor gentleman, he may now travel o'dark 
 nights without fear of robbers. 
 
 Sober. The young gentleman's now trying to take a 
 nap. 
 
 Rat. Young gentlemen who have lost their all are 
 very apt to have sound slumbers: poor folks sleep 
 amazingly ! 
 
 Fred. Fatal passion for gaming ! 'tis the poison of the 
 soul. 
 
 Rat. Fatal passion for women ! — 'tis very bad for 
 the valets. — Fatal passion for wine ! — His \ery good for 
 Inn-keepers, never speak ill of your friends. 
 
 Rat. Right. 
 
 (Within.) House! house. (Hand-bell rung without.') 
 
 Sober. Coming ! 
 
 Fred. Let me have a room immediately. 
 
 Rat. And breakfast by all means ! breakfast ! 
 
 (Within.) House I say. (Bell rings again.) 
 
 Sober. Coming ! In a moment gentlemen. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Fred. Tell me, Rattle, this unlucky gamester, Is not 
 he my rival think you ? 
 
 Rat. Bless us what a vast conception ! — That had 
 never entered my thick sconce ! 
 
 Fred. You observe he was going to Mrs. Corbett's, 
 and now I recollect, Emma in her last letter mentions 
 my rival as a wild young fellow, addicted to wine and 
 gaming. 
 
 Rat. So much the better ! This backs us bet- 
 ter than a lord's letter of recommendation: he won't 
 dare shew his face to the lady, 'till he comes to the 
 Manor-house just in time to find us lately married to his 
 mistress, — It'll do, while he like a hermit is moralizing 
 here in his cell, we like successful campaigners will 
 scour the country, storm the castle, establish our bat- 
 teries, and if put to the push, who knows but we may 
 carry the fort in the very teeth of the enemy. 
 
 Fred, Shall we be fortunate in our enterprise f 
 
 L- 
 
8 MY AUNT: 
 
 Rat. I'll tell you in a moment sir. — Let's consult 
 the oracle of the ladies — (Takes cards from the table) 
 my mother was a fortune-teller, and taught me to read 
 fate in dreams — marks — lines — cards — and coffee cups, 
 
 Fred. Absurdity! 
 
 Rat. Now, mind, Sir, I'm going to open the book of 
 fate. 
 
 Fred. Stupidity! 
 
 Rat. Vastly well, Sir, I see you're an unbeliever — 
 (laying out cards.) Now, Sir, let's see if you are to 
 have the lady. 
 
 Enter Soberlove, with breakfast, &c. 
 
 Sober. Room's ready Sir. — This way. [Exit. 
 
 Rat. Breakfast ! I'll tell my master's fortune in the 
 tea cup. [Exit after Soberlove. 
 
 Fred. Hope, thou dear nursling of love, I invoke 
 thee : lead me on, and courage and enterprise shall be 
 thy associates. 
 
 SONG. 
 
 When sorrow loads the lover's breast 
 
 Each sigh his anguish proves, 
 No balm affords such soothing rest 
 
 As thoughts of her he loves. — 
 In fancy's dream he holds her dear 
 
 But fearing soon to part, 
 He sadly drops the hapless tear 
 For her that owns his heart. 
 2d. 
 Should worldly cares my portion be 
 
 Where'er I chance to roam, 
 In every clime I'd think of thee 
 Of thee and of my home. 
 
A COMEDY. 
 
 Oh ! doubt not Love, I'd e'er forget 
 Tho' doomed from thee to part, 
 
 But ever think with fond regret, 
 On her, who owns my heart. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Sce^e ii. — Front of the Inn, 
 
 Enter Soberlove. 
 
 Here John ! Chambermaid ! mind the house ! There's 
 a coach stopped — Ho ! — I see Mrs. Corbett, from the 
 Manor-house and the lovely Miss Emma, what the 
 devil brings them. 
 
 Enter Mrs. Corbett and Emma. 
 
 Perhaps some affair of mine. — Sarvent, ladies : too 
 proud of this honor : any commands for your humble 
 servant. 
 
 Mrs. C. Pray, Mr. Soberlove, inform me if you have 
 not a young man here ? 
 
 Sober. A young man. — Lord ma'am ! 
 
 Mrs. C. Who last night ruined himself at play with 
 some strangers at your Inn. 
 
 Sober. Too true ma'am — but could'nt help it — (how 
 the devil did she hear of it) brought cards with'em — 
 never keep such things at the Golden Fleece. 
 
 Mrs. C. Do you know whither he was going ? 
 
 Sober. Oh yes, ma'am — was going to you forsooth — 
 a fine spark ! — seems to want a sober man, like me, to 
 look after him sadly ! — Ah ! poor young man ! — As mad 
 as Chimney Sweeps on a May day ! — A sad young 
 man, — but thatrs no affair of mine. 
 
10 MY AUNT: 
 
 Mrs. C. I've heard enough — where is he? 
 
 Sober. In that room ma'am — just dropt into a doze — 
 wanted sleep sadly — step and wake him directly. 
 
 (Going.) 
 
 Mrs. C. On no account — he must needs require rest 
 — and when he wakes, by no means tell him I am 
 here ! — I wish to surprise him, for I fear shame would 
 prevent him now from seeing me. 
 
 Sober. Shame ! — fancy not ma'am — only — that can 
 be no affair of mine — please to walk in ma'am. 
 
 Mrs. C. Enough friend : tell the Coachman he need 
 not put up. 
 
 Sober. Not put up ! — No hay or corn ! — Better put 
 up ma'am. 
 
 Mrs. C. As you see fit. 
 
 Sober. Certainly, ma'am — put up by all means — not 
 that it can be any affair of — only speak for the good of 
 the cattle ma'am. {Exit. 
 
 Emma. I have not yet ventured my dearest madam, 
 to ask the reason of this early visit to an Inn. 
 
 Mrs. C. You have no suspicion then, that I come to 
 seek my nephew. 
 
 Emma. Your nephew, madam ? 
 
 Mrs. C. He has passed the night in gaming^ — and has 
 lost every thing — one of my neighbours who by some 
 accident learn' t the story, and his name, came this 
 morning to acquaint me with it. 
 
 Emma. And — you — did not prefer coming hither by 
 yourself, madam. (Sighing.) 
 
 Mrs. C. I thought your beauty and sweetness, joined 
 to my indulgence, might more easily tranquilize his 
 mind and soften his despair. 
 
 Emma. Is it possible to find another Aunt whose 
 clemency — 
 
 Mrs. C. I own my weakness. — But, of all my family, 
 this nephew, alone, is left me, and him I have not seen 
 since his infancy. — My ready forgiveness, when I see 
 his sorrow and repentance will ensure his future good 
 
A COMEDY. 11 
 
 conduct : and you, my dear Emma, will prove your 
 affection for me, by accepting, my nephew as your 
 husband. 
 
 Emma. {Half aside) Oh, Frederick, and must I then 
 for life renounce thee. 
 
 Mrs. O. What says, my Emma? 
 
 Emma. I ought — I must obey you : but the unfortu* 
 nate Frederick — 
 
 Mrs. C. Frederick ! — How Emma ! do you then love 
 this young man, whom you met in London during 
 the only period when you have been long absent from 
 me ? 
 
 Emma. Oh, madam, we still blush to acknowledge 
 what is the dearest pride of our hearts : — but, my grat- 
 itude to you, can find no competition in my bosom. 
 
 Enter Soberlove. 
 
 Sober. All's ready, ladies — your servants wait ma 1 am, 
 
 Mrs. C. Come, dear Emma, we shall soon face this 
 imprudent young man who has drawn us hither. In the 
 mean time be assured, as I have ever sought your hap- 
 piness, I will not now urge you to be miserable ; but 
 let him have a fair chance, and if you cannot think you 
 can esteem and love him, you never shall be his. 
 
 [Exit Mrs. C. and Emma. 
 
 Sober. That way, ladies — follow that passage, ma'am 
 — have the honor to attend myself, directly — very full 
 of company at present — but that's no affair — Oh yes — 
 that is an affair of mine. 
 
 Rat. {without.) Waiter ! Waiter ! 
 
 Sober. Coming, Sir— they call ma'am— Sarvent, la- 
 dies—Coming Sir. [Exits 
 
12 MY AUNT : 
 
 Scene hi. — A room in the Inn. 
 
 . Enter Rattle. 
 
 Somehow or other I must see this spark who has ruin- 
 ed himself — 'twould be strange enough if, as my mas- 
 ter guesses, he should prove our rival — mum — who's 
 here. 
 
 Enter Dashall, singing and yawning. 
 
 Dash. Well, upon my soul after such a night, I've 
 contrived to make a decent nap of it, (Yawns,) and 
 now my head's clear, and my eyes open, I must begin 
 to think, how the devil I'm^o get out of this damned 
 scrape that I have shuffled myself into. 
 
 Rat. The very man no doubt — looks very like a 
 young gentleman who lost all his money last night, 
 and has just woke to the agreeable recollection of it. 
 
 Dashall seeing Rattle. 
 Dash. Who's that fellow ? — If I a'nt mistaken — 
 Rat. Dear me, this young gentleman is very like— 
 Dash. I think I've seen him in the army. — 
 Rat. By the Lord, 'tis the amiable young Captain, 
 
 who one day honor' d me with a kicking, for bringing up 
 
 a coal scuttle instead of some shaving powder. 
 
 Dash. Harkee fellow ! — Surely I've seen that un- 
 common frontispiece of yours somewhere ? A'nt you , 
 
 in the service — 
 
 Rat. Of Captain Frederick Vincent, at your service 
 
 And, now I recollect, you are Capt. Dashall, I believe 
 Dash. What ! Vincent ! my old brother officer here ! 
 
 so much the better : he shall help me out of a trifling 
 
 difficulty. 
 
 Rat. Trifling difficulty ! — Why, Lord, Sir, are you 
 
 the young madman, who they say lost all his money- 
 
 here last night ? 
 
 Dash. The same ! — yes, I'm ruined a little — fairly 
 
 stripped — utterly undone ! {Sings.) 
 
A COMEDY. 13 
 
 Rat. Well ! for a man who is just utterly undone, 
 you are the merriest gentleman that ever I met with. 
 
 Dash. Sighing and groaning and the mortification of 
 morality, man, will neither restore my snuff-box— my 
 cash — my credit — or my curricle. 
 
 Rat. What, your curricle gone ? 
 
 Dash. Yes ! — it followed my horses. 
 
 Rat. And your horses too ? 
 
 Dash. Yes! they ran away with my curricle. 
 
 Rat. Mercy on us ! so that you, who had before a 
 troop of dragoons must now be content to be a foot 
 Captain. 
 
 Dash. I've settled my scheme, Hill my pocket re- 
 ceives a reinforcement—here will I repose me— rich in 
 reveries— laugh— sing— dance and whistle : and rail at 
 the world like Diogenes in his tub. 
 
 Rat. And you have already sent to your friends, no 
 loubt. 
 
 Dash. I always think of them, the moment I'm in 
 ^stress— the worst of all is, that I'm expected at the 
 leighbouring Manor-house and in my present plight, I 
 lare not present myself. 
 Rat. {Aside.') Our rival by Jupiter ! 
 Dash. But, what the devil do I stand chattering thus 
 or ? — Run, tell your master, I am here, and that I'll 
 trait on him directly. 
 
 Rat. Yes. Sir. (Aside.) Wait on him !— much upon 
 the same errand, that a dun waits on a debtor.— Sir, 
 Pll acquaint my master that you do him the honor to — 
 (Aside) want his purse immediately. [Exit. 
 
 Dash. If he fail me— what the devil shall I do? Sup- 
 pose I make a bold push at this silly old Aunt, and tell 
 her a cock and bull story about footpads on the road ?— 
 Why she won't believe a word on't.— Then what a fig- 
 ure shall I cut ? I think I see myself already at her 
 door : An Officer of Dragoons plodding away with a 
 great crabstick in his hand, knocking at the clumsy 
 door of the old Manor-house, like a neighbourly visitor, 
 
14 MY AUNT : 
 
 who comes mumping for a dinner — Oh * — Lord ! — Oh 
 Lord ! — 'twill never do. — My Aunt will smoke me — the 
 young lady '11 dismiss me, and I shall have nothing 
 left, but to pull my neckcloth a little tighter! and hang 
 myself out of the way at once. [Exit, 
 
 Scene iv. — A Gallery with two doors. Three chairs — 
 Cards on table — Enter Frederick from door — Music — 
 Listening. 
 
 Fred. I heard a voice so like Emma's, and yet 'tis 
 bo improbable — Hark ! 
 
 Duett. 
 (Emma Sings within.) 
 By the magnetic needle's force, 
 The Pilot knows to steer his course : 
 So should the heart by love impress'd, 
 Be guided to this faithful breast. — 
 
 Fred. By the rich sweets she round her throws, 
 We know when we are near the rose : 
 So can the heart prophetic prove, 
 When near the object of its love. — 
 Duo. 
 Alas ! His fancy's glowing vision cheers, 
 The voice resembles, but no form appears. 
 
 Enter Dashall and Rattle. 
 
 Fred. {Comes forward.) What, Dashall — is it pos- 
 sible ? Didn't you hear a voice ? 
 Dash. Yes — Did you ? 
 Fred. A most delicious one — 
 Dash. It was mine. — 
 
A COMEDY. 15 
 
 Fred. Yours !— Psha ! — but how is this ! I cannot be- 
 lieve it to be my old friend Dashall. 
 
 Dash. Yes — His I — Dick Dashall — ruined — robbed — 
 you see indeed the mcit miserable undone dog in — 
 but how are you my boy ? 
 
 Fred. Still gaming I find. — If you knew — 
 
 Dash. Prithee, no preaching. — Pve renounced play 
 for these six weeks, and but for these abominable trav- 
 ellers—Oh ! I've had my lesson. — I'm now an altered 
 man. — 
 
 Rat. Yes — you're altered from a rich man to a poor 
 man. 
 
 Fred. You ought to think more seriously. — 
 
 Dash. Zounds ! I'm as miserable, and as melancholy 
 as a lover by moonlight : but tell me when you saw 
 the lovely Julia ? 
 
 Fred. The circumstances in which you stand — 
 
 Dash. Are damn'd bad. — 
 
 Rat. {aside.) Bad enough. 
 
 Fred. Prithee, be serious, have you no resources ? 
 
 Dash. Let me see ! — no ! — none that I recollect — 
 unless — yes — I'll tell you one — you shall lend me sixty 
 guineas. 
 
 Rat. (Aside to Fred.) Say, you hav'nt got sixty 
 pence — Lie ! 
 
 Fred. With all my heart, if I could, but the small 
 sum I have about me won't — 
 
 Dash. Say no more ! — I know your friendship — am 
 sure you would if you could — and tho' you can't, I'm 
 nevertheless equally — no not equally, Dut very greatly 
 obliged to you. — 
 
 Fred. On my honor Dashall your situation excites 
 m J pity : what in fortune's name will you do here in 
 this miserable Inn ? 
 
 Rat. {half -aside.) Starve ! 
 
 Dash. No, Sir, I will not starve. — (jnimicing Rat- 
 tie.) I'll philosophize i — calculate odds and chances — 
 curse cards and dice — fancy I've renounced the world 
 
16 MY AUNT: 
 
 and all its wicked vanities, now I've no longer the 
 means of enjoying them. — Run down the times, and 
 write a treatise on the instability of all sublunary 
 things. — 
 
 Rat. (aside.) Very pretty pastime, for a young 
 buck of the first order.- — 
 
 Dash. Let me see — all this time I believe I hav'nt 
 told you, I'm going to be married ? 
 
 Fred, and Rat. Married ! 
 
 Dash. Ha } ha ! ha — My dear fellow His the paragon 
 of all matrimonial manoeuvres — A rich old aunt of 
 mine, who I believe, I never saw, has contrived it all — 
 she wrote to my father — he answered — she replied — he 
 rejoined — all was settled : they condescended to let 
 me know the arrangement and sent me the miniature 
 of the Damsel, set in beautiful brilliants. — The bril- 
 liants were beautiful, I assure you, and I received it 
 with all becoming transport. — 
 
 Fred. And thus the business was concluded ? 
 
 Dash. I promised to marry — took leave, full of good 
 resolutions, and arrived here late last night, and woke 
 them all. — 'Twas too late to go to Mrs. Corbett's — met 
 some pleasant company — we supped — sung — laughed — 
 
 played — drank — swore — and / lost all. Money — 
 
 Horses — Curricle— Patience and good resolutions^ and 
 all I have left, is this lovely lass — without the dia- 
 monds — (Shoivs the miniature — Frederick takes it.) 
 The girl's well enough — but Zounds ! how you stare 
 at it ? 
 
 Fred. Oh, my friend ! 'tis such a striking likeness ! 
 
 Dash. Hey ! — the Devil ! — do you know her ? 
 
 Fred. Know her ! — Yes ! — that is — not that I know 
 her — only that 'tis so like a lovely young creature in — 
 
 Rat. (getting to the centre.) In Dorsetshire, Sir, 
 that my master is desperately in love with ! — 
 
 Dash. Oh ! — like somebody you're in love with ! — 
 well, I wish you success with her, with all my heart— 
 you lovers have a keen eye for a likeness ! 
 
A COMEDY. 17 
 
 Rat. (aside.) Yes, and a happy knack of lying I 
 
 Fred. How happy should I be to possess such a re- 
 semblance. 
 
 Dash. Good I'faith. — So you really think the thing 
 of some value, without the brilliants. — 
 
 Fred. What would I not give to call it mine ? 
 
 Rat. (aside.) My master's going to play the fool. — 
 
 Dash. Upon my soul, I neither know, nor care a 
 pin for the original. — 
 
 Fred, (smiling.) Suppose — suppose we strike a 
 bargain ! 
 
 Rat. (aside.) My poor master ! 
 
 Dash, (not understanding.) A bargain T 
 
 Fred. Suppose, I buy it of you ? 
 
 Dash. Oh, horrible ! — sell a lady ! — sell my wife ! — 
 Zounds, Fred, do you take me for a Jew or a Gypsy f 
 
 Rat. (getting to centre.) Ask pardon, Sir, hut think 
 my master's offer a very handsome one. (aside io 
 Fred.) Offer him a guinea, Sir, the King's picture is as 
 good as that, any time. 
 
 Fred. I dare say you would have played for it last 
 night, if they'd have set a value against it? 
 
 Dash. Ha ! ha ! ha ! a good idea upon my soul — to 
 be sure I should. — 
 
 Fred. (Laughing.) Why should you ? 
 
 Dash. Don't tempt me ! my virtue's of the tottering 
 sort — I always keep my resolutions, when I've no 
 temptations to break them. — 
 
 Fred. You jest perhaps ? — 
 
 Dash. Allons ! — shall we cut cards — draw straws — ► 
 race maggots — play at push-pin — head or tail — or — odd 
 or even ? 
 
 Rat. The Lord have mercy upon us ! (aside.) 
 
 Fred. You are raving mad — but I never game, and 
 to speak truth, I'm ashamed to begin. — 
 
 Dash. Both game and shame will soon be over. 
 
 Rat. (aside to Fred.) Better not, Sir— he's the devil 
 incarnate ! 
 2* 
 
18 MY AUNT : 
 
 Fred, (to himself.) Yet, if I could but obtain it — 
 Come, I can but lose a certain sum, and — 
 
 Dash. You hesitate! — (rings hand~bell on the table.) 
 bring cards and dice. — 
 
 Rat. But, my poor master — 
 
 Dash, (jr ihing him off.) Bring cards and dice. — 
 
 [Exit Rattle. 
 
 Fred. But what sum shall we set against the lady ? 
 
 Dash. Look at it — observe how highly 'tis finished — 
 how delicately touch'd-^-there's a pencil — there's red 
 and white — flesh and blood — there's an eye — and the 
 fellow to it — what a nose ! — and lips you dog. — 
 Heavens and earth, I begin to love it myself — a 
 throat — what a throat — and a bosom — say no more — 
 I can't part with it. — What d'ye think of fifty guineas ? 
 
 Fred. What, fifty guineas for a miniature ? 
 
 Dash. A girl of eighteen, with dark blue eyes — look 
 at those eyes. — 
 
 Fred. Beautiful ! — but these things — 
 
 Dash. The lips,, pouting red, as if blushing for the 
 kisses they solicit. — 
 
 Fred. Lovely. — 
 
 Dash. The bosom — soft as the down of the Cygnet, 
 and fair as the untouched lilly — there apathy might 
 be roused into transport — despair be lulled to repose, 
 and care find a pillow of peace — Oh ! I can't part 
 with it. — 
 
 Enter Rattle with Cards and Dice. 
 
 Fred. Enough. — (takes dice.) For fifty guineas. — 
 
 Dash. The lady's staked for fifty ! 
 
 Rat. My poor master ! (They sit down to play.) 
 
 DUETT AND DIALOGUE. 
 
 Fred. Now Fortune smile upon my lot, 
 
 Thy fav'ring hand my hopes presage— r 
 
A COMEDY. 19 
 
 Rat. I hope she will — I fear she'll not — 
 
 Her frowns will put me in a rage. — 
 
 Fred, Grant me the semblance of my fair — 
 
 Ratt. Our money and our patience spare. — 
 
 Fred. Grant me my fair. 
 
 Rat. Our money spare. 
 
 Dash, (spoken.) Allons! — .the first throw! — Ten! 
 
 Fred. ) Now chance be friendly to my ) f . 
 
 Rat. \ His " $ late -— 
 
 Fred, (throws.) So ! — six and two are only eight.— 
 I lose ! 
 
 Dash. Again ?— 
 
 Rat. No more ! 
 
 Fred. Double or quits ! — 
 (Dashall lifts purse and Watch, and holds them up in 
 triumph. Scene closes.) 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 Scejste i. — A Chamber, 
 Enter Dashall. 
 
 Well, after all — there's no life, like the life of a game- 
 ster!— play keeps his passions always on the stretch : 
 'tis a perpetual stimulus to keep them from stagnation \ 
 to banish ennui, and drive thought to the devil.— 
 
 Enter Rattle, 
 
 Rat. Ruin and Robbers! — Oh, sir, you're a lucky 
 man, but you carry all your luck about you — you've 
 brought none to us — you've stripped us — pillaged and 
 plucked us like a pair of pigeons — oh miserable day ! — 
 as Chimney Sweeps on a May day !— A sad young 
 man, — but thaPs no affair of mine. 
 
20 MY AUNT: 
 
 Dash. I'm really as sorry as you can conceive that 
 fortune should have been so favourable to me. — 
 
 Rat. What in the name of fortune is to become 
 of us? 
 
 Dash. Do as I did, get drunk and forget it. — 
 
 Rat. You settle it easily — you're used to it — but we, 
 who are people of regularity, sobriety, good manners, 
 and strict morals — Oh, lord ! oh, lord ! 
 
 Dash. Be comforted ! I may find means to console 
 you both. — 
 
 Rat. Can you ? — (aside) I've melted his iron heart, 
 he's going to give back the money. — 
 
 Dash. Yes, His a very liberal idea, I shall make these 
 poor fellows quite happy. — 
 
 Rat. {aside) He meditates ! Heaven send us com- 
 fort and pour the cordial of pity into his cogitations — 
 Ha ! — thinking no doubt, if he shall handsomely give 
 us the whole, or only hand us over the half. — 
 
 Dash. It shall be so — Harkee friend — I am about to 
 make a tremendous sacrifice — its hurts my fine feelings, 
 but we don't live in this world for ourselves alone — here 
 take it — carry your master this — this — this portrait. — 
 
 Rat. What-rthe miniature ! 
 
 Dash. 1 make him a present of it ! — 
 
 Rat. Croesus ! — what magnificence ! — really, sir, 
 vour generosity — is so amazing — that — 
 
 Dash. I certainly am a very liberal fellow— don't 
 you think so ? 
 
 Rat. Oh yes, sir. — (aside) Liberal as a footpad, who 
 takes your money and then obligingly presents you with 
 the empty purse. 
 
 Dash. And now be pleased, worthy, sir, to shew me 
 my horses. — 
 
 Rat. Your horses ' Ha ! ha ! ha ! that's a good one I 
 You know, sir, you lost your horses, curricle — gold 
 seals and snuff* box. — 
 
 Dash. Meaning your master'sr- 
 
 Rsit. Our horses": 
 
A COMEDY. 21 
 
 Dash. His that were — mine that are — 
 Rat. Are they gone too !— oh, my horses, my poor 
 dear beasts ! — this is the crudest cut of all — It'll break 
 my heart, sir, it will indeed. — I shall never get over the 
 loss. — (sobbing.) 
 
 Dash. I like your sensibility honest fellow. — I've a 
 great deal of sensibility myself — y-a-w — (yawns) Well, 
 this miniature will certainly make you happy. — I must 
 to the Manor-house — If my old aunt should hear of this 
 prank, what the devil must I do ? 
 
 Enter Soberlove. 
 
 Sober. You must turn out. 
 
 Rat. It will be our turn next. 
 
 Sober. Advise you to pay your bill and begone. — 
 
 Dash. Why thou most impudent valet ! dost think 
 I'll endure the insolence of a little pert prig of a puppy 
 like thee ? — a quiz of a carricature, a fellow with a head 
 like the frontispiece of an ugly Dutch pug ? Begone ! — 
 
 Sober, (following Dash.) Heyday ! — tone's alter' d — 
 poor man ! — crack' d a Yitile-r-but thafs no affair of mine 
 — Harkee mister — take a friend's advice — pay your bill 
 or leave your portmanteau in pawn — but that's no af- 
 fair of — yes, that is an affair of mine — any thing — only 
 go — mum — I'm wise — better be off — mus'nt speak — 
 only hint — better turn out quickly — or — 
 
 Rat. He'll turn him over to us presently.— 
 
 Dash. (Jingling purse) Aye ! — stare wider ! — Zounds! 
 — the fellow's eyes will start out of his head — money 
 you rogue — hard cash — enough to make a man stare 
 now-a-days ! 
 
 Sober. Oh, sir ! — this is quite another affair — but bless 
 us — how did you get it ? 
 
 Dash. Why — that's no affair of yours. — Hey day !- 
 
 tone's alter' d — harkee mister — take a friend's advice — . 
 
 mum — better be off— mus'nt speak — only hint — better 
 
 turn out quickly or — I may kick you out — 
 
 (Drives him off and exit.) 
 
i 
 
 22 MY AUNT : 
 
 Rat. There he goes to drink our healths in bumpers 
 of claret, while we return the compliment in sour small 
 beer, at best. — Curse him ! — he robs us of our money, 
 and very politely presents us with this piece of painted 
 ivory. — {addressing the miniature) So you mean to 
 stay with us ma'am, undoubtedly you do us a deal of 
 honor : I hope you mean for to pay for your board : your ii 
 eyes are vastly beautiful, but how much bread and but- 
 ter will they buy us ? not a breakfast ! — your lips to be 
 sure are lovely ! — will they persuade people to trust 
 us ? not a penny ! — your nose is a none-such — I don't 
 think it'll smell roast beef at our board in a hurry ! — 
 Now then I'll away to my master with this crumb of 
 comfort — this mite of consolation — this morsel of mag- 
 nificence, that's to stop up the chinks of his empty 
 purse, and calm the cravings of hungry despair. — Oh, 
 dear ! oh, dear ! — what an up and down world is this ! — 
 when down as we are, devil a soul will know us — tho' 
 when we're up — every one has a civil bow to bestow, 
 till fashionable politeness becomes as great a bore, as 
 the dunning of a creditor. — 
 
 SONG. 
 
 What a world do we live in good lack ! 
 
 Up and down like a bucket we go ! — 
 Full of friends, or no friends to our back, 
 
 Just as good or ill fortune we know.— • 
 While a man's full of cash in the purse 
 
 Friends abound — Knaves surround — 
 
 Bowing — bending — giving — lending — 
 
 Gaping — scraping — all attending — 
 Presents sending! 
 All are mightily civil — odds curse ! — 
 Dear sir, beware — that thoro' air 
 Do take this chair — you shall I swear — 
 
A COMEDY. 23 
 
 Oh sir — don't stir — oh fie ! — not I— ^ 
 Sir I entreat, you'll keep your seat — 
 Indeed 'tis clear, you must sit here — 
 Do pray oblige in that, Oh, sir you've dropp'd your hat — 
 Then half a dozen stoop at once 
 The puppy's leather head, encounters one of lead ! — 
 The critic jolts against the dunce 
 One blockhead jostles with another, 
 And all is bustle noise and pother, 
 Zounds ! sir, I'm dead ! Oh ! lord my toes ! 
 You've broke my head ! — you've broke my nose ! — 
 Then bob for hats — and sticks and wigs — 
 Like scrambling cats, in whirligigs ! — 
 Till disconcerted bruised and sore 
 
 I Apologizing o'er and o'er ! 
 Each courts the glass, adjusts his dress, 
 And curses modern politesse. — 
 ( Thus friends all surround us when fortune is kind, 
 ' But like her, when she leaves us, our friends are all 
 blind. [Exit, 
 
 Scene 11,— Another Room in the Inn, 
 
 Enter Mrs. Corbett. 
 
 I must inform myself, if Dashall is yet risen —I long 
 to know a nephew whom I have never seen since his 
 infancy — who have we here ? (Retires.) 
 
24 MY AUNT 
 
 Enter Frederick disordered and Rattle. 
 
 Mrs, C. {aside) By his disorder and agitation i 
 impossible not to discover the unfortunate and repent- 
 ant youth. — 
 
 Fred, (looking at miniature') Eternal must be th 
 misery my self-reproaches will cause me. — 
 
 Rat. May the devil fly away with him that first corf-: 
 trived a dice box, if it was'nt the devil himself. 
 
 Fred. Still I possess the portrait of my beloved Emma 
 
 Mrs. C. He speaks of Emma ! — 
 
 Rat. Oh, yes, that precious portrait, will save « 
 from starving no doubt. 
 
 Fred. Oh! Emma — you shall never quit the heaf 
 that adores you. — Here will I preserve you, as my onM 
 consolation thro' life. — 
 
 Mrs. C. How ! then ! he loves her ! — 
 
 Fred. How shall I ever dare to see her ? nor e-oulc* 
 ever look her respectable protectress in the face.— Ht 
 just severity would at once silence my pretensions ~r 
 crush my hopes forever. — 
 
 Mrs. C. {coming forward) Do you not think that tb 
 mildness and affection of your annt may pardon an ei 
 ror, of which you appear so deeply sensible. — 
 
 Fred. Madam ! — my aunt ! — I have no aunt. — 
 
 Mrs. C. Perhaps she is not lost to you. — Your Aunt- 
 Free?. My Aunt — {aside to Rat.) 
 
 Rat. {aside to Fred.) If you can find an aunt dispo.< 
 ed to help us, for heaven's sake adopt her immediately .- 
 
 Mrs. C. She knows your error, she has seen your per. 
 itence, she forgives and is willing to make you happy.- 
 
 Fred. Madam! 
 
 Mrs. C. Come, you should ere now have discovere 
 that I am Mrs. Corbett. — But, I see shame — - 
 
 Fred, {aside) Mrs. Corbett, good heavens ! the pr 
 tectress of Emma ! — 
 
 Rat. I am on a bed of thorns. — {aside) 
 
A COMEDY. 25 
 
 Mrs. C. This is no time to reproach or to remonstrate 
 — banish your fe^rs, for however considerable your loss 
 may be, my fortune can repair it. — 
 
 Rat. (aside) I'm on abed of roses. — What an Aunt ! 
 — If my master ma'am makes no acknowledgment, for 
 so much goodness, believe me ma'am, 'tis nothing but 
 shame, that shuts his mouth ma'am. — 
 
 Mrs, C. You love Emma — 
 
 Rat, Love her, ma'am, he neither eats, drinks, nor 
 sleepy and I verily believe the fashion's like to go thro* 
 ae family, for I'm on the point of leaving off eating 
 and drinking myself ! Love her madam ! Bless ye, he's 
 dving for her, actually at the last gasp. — But, love 
 makes him dumb. 
 
 Mrs. C. Nephew, be more yourself—your marriage 
 
 ith Emma will correct your follies and you will be 
 
 a ppy-— 
 
 Fred. What shall I say, how answer — (aside to Rat.) 
 „ fiat. Say nothing or you'll spoil all : his joy keeps 
 
 'A silent ma'am. — 
 
 Mrs. C. But, surely my dear nephew what I say to 
 OH, deserves some few words of affection ? 
 
 Rat. Keep it up, sir, — yes ma'am and don't you see 
 motion and gratitude in his eye, ma'am, only he can't 
 nd words to express it. — 
 
 Fred, (aside) And can I deceive so excellent a wo- 
 
 an? 
 
 Rat. 'Tis the only way to see your Emma I — 
 
 Fred. Ah ! madam ! — 
 . Rat. Call her aunt, sir, — Sorrow ties his tongue 
 la'am — 
 
 Fred. My — my — dear — aunt— 
 . Rat. Down on your marrowbones ! — 
 
 Fred. 'Tis on my knees I ought to — 
 . Jlfr*. C. Come, come, I see your confusion— but 
 very thing is forgotten — rise — (embraces him.) 
 
 Rat. Oh, the dear old sensible sc ; ul! Ah ma'am 
 
 ou'veaheart! you're the paragon f relatives the 
 
 3 
 
26 MY AUNT : 
 
 Phoenix of aunts ! — a pattern for parents — and a model 
 for all middle aged gentlewomen ! — 
 
 Mrs. C. I leave you for a few moments to surprise 
 you still more agreeably, I'll return immediately. — [exit. 
 
 Fred. Heavens ! what a freak of fortune, she takes 
 me for her nephew Dashall. — 
 
 Rat. Yes, and you went very near to dash-all with 
 your modesty. — Lord, sir, what has a lover to do with 
 modesty — that's never the way to come to the point. — 
 
 Fred. Yet to deceive so excellent a woman. 
 
 Rat. Now, sir, that's not conscience, but quibbling 
 —you don't deceive her, — she deceives herself— and 
 that's not lying but logic. — 
 
 Fred. But Dashall— 
 
 Rat. Let him shift for himself — depend upon't he'll 
 not reach the Manor-house to day. — If he comes after- 
 wards, when you've possession, you've the nine points 
 of the law to oppose to his single point of right. — 
 
 Fred. I have scruples — 
 
 Rat. Yes, but, no money — scruples are good moral 
 associates for a man of money — but poor companions 
 with an empty purse — take a fool's advice, sir, and be 
 wise for once — stick to her skirts — don't leave her — up 
 with the hammer of your courage, sir, and strike while 
 the iron's hot. — 
 
 Fred. If I lose this occasion, I may never see her 
 more. — 
 
 Rat . True, sir, as Ben Johnson makes Joe Miller say 
 in Shakspeare's Tragedy, of the Comedy of Errors 
 says he, there is a tide in the affairs of men — now, sir, 
 this present is your tide of good fortune, and if you lose 
 it, you'll go wriggling on thro' the rest of your life like 
 eels in the mud — Look yonder, sir! — 
 
 Fred. What 4o I see ? 'tis she herself f t\$ my ador'd 
 Emma! 
 
 
A COMEDY. 27 
 
 {Enter Mrs. Corbett and Emma.) 
 
 Mrs. C. Now, prithee Child, dissipate your idle 
 fears, my nephew deserves your warmest love — 
 
 Emma. Let me retire, dearest madam, the heart that 
 once has loved, in vain, can love no more. — 
 
 Fred. In pity turn that averted eye ! Behold your 
 lover ! 
 
 Emma. That voice again ! oh heavens ! 
 
 Rat. (to Emma) Miss, miss — don't be so plaguy bash- 
 ful look thro' the corner of your right eye. — 'Tis Captain 
 Vincent, Miss — your lover. — 
 
 Mrs. C. (to Emma) Come, let me see you conquer 
 your repugnance. 
 
 Emma. Ah ! madam, if you knew — 
 
 Fred. Believe me, I had not dared present myself 
 before you, if chance had not directed that Mrs. — Mrs. — 
 
 Rat. His aunt ma'am — that his aunt should find him 
 here. — 
 
 Emma. His aunt! 
 
 Mrs. C. But we lose time — we must away to the 
 Manor-house. Go friend, and prepare every thing for 
 our departure. — 
 
 Rat. We shan't keep you waiting ma'am — our luggage 
 is'nt great — our wardrobe very small — and our equipage 
 is — none at all. — [Exit. 
 
 Fred, (to Emma) Do you not judge hardly of me, 
 madam, for the culpable misfortune I have met with — 
 
 Emma. I attribute every thing that at present appears 
 improper in your conduct to your unfortunate passion. — 
 
 Fred, (aside to Emma) Dearest Emma, for heaven's 
 sake humour this mistake, and let me see you alone, I 
 must leave you for a few minutes to collect myself. 
 (aloud) Madam, I will but hasten my servant and at- 
 tend you. . [Exit, 
 
 Mrs. C. Confess my dear Emma, that my nephew is 
 a very fine young man ! — 
 
 Emma. Certainly ma'am. — 
 
28 MY AUNT : 
 
 Mrs.C. He has indeed, a fatal propensity to gaming!—- 
 
 Emma. Very true, ma'am ! — 
 
 Mrs. C. But that vice relinquished, you will be un- 
 just not to love him. — 
 
 Emma. Undoubtedly, madam. — 
 
 Mrs. C. For he unfeignedly loves you — 
 
 Emma. Certainly, madam — 
 
 Mrs. C. I overheard him censuring his own folly 
 while his only consolation was your picture. — 
 
 Emma. Pm sure he loves me — his eyes told me so.-^ 
 
 SONG. 
 
 Tell me by what external sign 
 
 Is faithful love express't, 
 Can we by language 'lone define 
 
 Or by the heaving breast, 
 No — for the tongue can oft impart 
 A language foreign to the heart, 
 And oft the treaeherous breast can heave 
 With sighs that flatter to deceive.— 
 5 Tis then alone in nature's book 
 
 The genuine symptom lies, 
 Its eloquence the strictest look, 
 
 Its language in the eyes. — 
 
 Enter Dashall, slightly intoxicated. — Mrs, C. and 
 Emma retire. 
 
 Dash. (Entering humming Robin Adair) Harkee 
 boy ! bid 'em bring my bill — Heigho ! — What an odd 
 sort of a world this is — they say Fortune's as blind as a 
 buzzard ! — now, its my opinion, she's just undergone an 
 operation, and has recover'd her sight to shower down 
 luck on — 
 
A COMEDY. 29 
 
 Mrs.C. This is doubtless he who has ruined DashalL — 
 
 Dash. Zounds ! how my head runs round — the things 
 are all dancing like witches in a whirlwind — this cursed 
 claret. — 
 
 Mrs. C. He has the appearance of a profligate liber- 
 tine — {coming forward) The man must be destitute of 
 feeling and honor who can ruin his friend, and then 
 sport with his misfortune. — 
 
 Dash. Ma'am ! — most obedient, Ladies — beg pardon ! 
 did'nt see you — fellow travellers I suppose ! 
 
 Mrs. C. No sir — we are — 
 
 Dash. Of this house ? who'd ha' thought it — who'd 
 dream of finding two such lovely young creatures in 
 such a pitiful place. — Ladies, I shall be proud of the 
 smiles of either of you {approaching Mrs. C.) Zounds I 
 I beg pardon ma'am, I did'nt see you were an old one. — 
 
 Mrs. C. Sir — this insolence to strangers — 
 
 Enter Rattle with a Portmanteau. 
 
 Rat. Zounds! ruin again! — 'Tis the very devil 
 himself! 
 
 Dash. Ah, friend Rattle art thou here ? Is your mas- 
 ter reconciled to his fate ? has he found comfort in con- 
 templating his idol ? 
 
 Rat. We're lost ! — undone !— 
 
 Dash. Was'nt he out of his wits on seeing the minia- 
 ture : — was'nt he transported to ecstacy ? 
 
 Rat. Oh yes, sir — {aside) and I wish you were trans- 
 Dorted to Botany Bay. — 
 
 Emma, {aside) Surely this must be Dashall. {aloud) 
 Let us depart madam — this young man seems intoxicat- 
 ed.— 
 
 Mrs. C. He spoke of a miniature — surely my nephew 
 has not parted with yours — I must know more. — 
 
 Rat. {aside to Dash.) Go for heaven's sake, go sir ! — 
 these ladies are our acquaintance — we're in company. 
 
 Dash. What d'ye say — speak up man, I've a whiz- 
 zing in my ears, and can't hear whispers. 
 3* 
 
30 MY AUNT: 
 
 Rat. He won't stir — might as well attempt to move 
 the monument — won't yon go, sir ? 
 
 Bash. Go, sir— no sir !— tell the host to bring the 
 bill, and run and saddle a horse, 
 
 Rat. We're coming to the catastrophe — pray heav- 
 en send us safe thro' it — all will be discover'd — fare- 
 well wedding — farewell dinner — farewell aunt ! 
 
 Dash. Well sir ! why don't you go ? 
 
 Rat, What a devil of a man ! ill luck's tied to his 1 
 skirts and every time he sees us, he turns round and 
 gives us a sprinkle. — [Exit, 
 
 Dash. Don't be surprised ladies — the fellow's angry 
 — 'tis very natural — I've ruined his master — a very par- 
 ticular friend of mine ! — 
 
 Mrs. C. Ruined your friend ! dreadful ! 
 
 Dash. Not at all — nothing can be more fashionable. — 
 
 Mrs. C. You spoke sir, of a miniature.— 
 
 Dash. Oh Lord ! — I'll tell you all about it.— -I had 
 lost all my money — every guinea — nothing remained 
 but a little miniature. — 
 
 Emma. Heavens ! 'tis Dashall. {aside) 
 
 Dash. My friend saw the picture — found it very like 
 some lady in — in — some place, and propos'd to buy it 
 of me: — no, says I — selLmy wife! — no — but I'll play 
 for it with all my heart — at it we go — for you must 
 know ma'am I'm of a remarkable good natured, accom- 
 modating disposition — I'd great luck — won his money 
 et cetera— his watch, et cetera— his curricle, et cetera and 
 horses — etcetera, and in snort all he had in the world— et 
 cetera !— all this I owe to my miniature, and so out of pure 
 gratitude and generosity I made him a present of it. — 
 
 Mrs. C. And what portrait might this be sir ? 
 
 Dash. Why I'll tell you— 
 
 Enter Rattle. 
 
 Rat. All's ready sir — here's your bill — horse waits, 
 sir, won't you go ? (pokes billinface) 
 
A COMEDY. 31 
 
 Dash . Zounds ! fellow, is that your manners — when 
 1 see me in a private room with ladies — to thrust a 
 ~e — a bill I mean into my mouth — I'm in no hurry 
 
 — 'tis time enough — It'll always be time enough to go 
 
 to my dear Mrs. Corbett's ! — 
 Mrs. C. 
 
 Emma, $ Mrs. Corbett's !- 
 
 Dash. Yes. Mrs, Corbett's — do you know her! 
 she's my aunt — 
 
 Rat. The murder's ou', ! 
 
 Dash. A good kind of a sort of an old maid, who's 
 dying for love of me, tho' I never saw her in my life — 
 but fame has strained her damned strong lungs to trumpet 
 my praise in her ears.— 
 
 Mrs. C. What sir, Mrs. Corbett your aunt ? 
 
 Dash. Yes : d'ye know the old one ? She has a Pro- 
 tegee, a pretty ish sort of a young country bumpkin.— 
 
 Emma. Really ! — 
 
 Dash, (gets between ladies) A little rustic — I came 
 here to marry — don't you find I've the air of a lover, 
 ladies ? 
 
 Rat. You've the air of a hang dog — I like this — 
 
 Mrs. C. This mystery is inexplicable.— 
 
 Dash. The marriage is a match made a hundred miles 
 off. — Ha ! ha ! ha ! this comical old quiz of an aunt is 
 as rich as a Jew and has a funny fancy for marrying 
 people who care nothing about the matter. — I obey. — 
 I marry — but, as soon as the lady and the money are 
 mine — u good night" — says I, to old Auntee — take my 
 wife under my arm — order my curricle, and off I go to 
 spend her portion as politely as possible. — 
 
 Rat. His tongue will save us ! 
 
 Mrs. C. (to Rattle) What can this mean ? Is this man 
 an impostor? 
 
 Rat. Oh, no madam ! you are the impostor, ma'am, 
 and imposed upon us by passing yourself on us for my 
 master's aunt. — 
 
 Dash. Do you know this whimsical old aunt of mine ? 
 
32 MY AUNT : 
 
 Emma. Yes, sir, and every body that knows, re- 
 spects and loves her — and you — if you have any sense 
 of shame, will blush for your conduct when you know 
 her. — You seek Mrs. Corbett, sir ? 
 
 Dash. Yes ma'am. 
 
 Emma. She stands before you. 
 
 Mrs. C. Why undecieve him ? 
 
 Dash. Oh Lord ! What ! you Mrs. Corbett ! really ! 
 bless my soul ! — here's a pretty business — adieu mar- 
 riage — farewell money — and good bye aunt. 
 
 Mrs. C. Are you not ashamed, Sir, of the expressions 
 with which you have described me ? — An old maid — in 
 love with you — an old one — 
 
 Rat. Aye — can any body say she looks like an old 
 one? 
 
 Mrs. C. A whimsical old aunt. 
 
 Emma. I too : — a young country bumpkin — a little 
 rustic. 
 
 Mrs. C. And I, a comical old quiz ! 
 
 Rat. Very like a comical old quiz indeed ! 
 
 Dash. By the Lord, ladies, you're quizzing me, 1 
 think: have a little mercy for heaven's sake. 
 
 Enter Frederick. 
 
 Fred. (Entering.) Whenever my aunt wishes to de- 
 part — 
 
 Dash. Your aunt (Goes to Fred.) my dear fellow — 
 you'd better say our aunt. 
 
 Fred. 1 )ashall here ! then all's lost. 
 
 Dash* Since you're one of the family, prithee help 
 me to make my peace. — But how the devil my dear 
 Frederick — 
 
 Mrs. C. How Frederick ! 
 
 Rat. It's all over with us Sir. 
 
 Mrs. C. What does this mean ? 
 
 Fred. (Pushes Dashall aside.) Madam, I own every 
 thing — punish not a lover less culpable than unfortu- 
 nate. 
 
A COMEDY. 33 
 
 Dash. A lover! Oh, ho ! — since you were in love 
 with my wife — (that was to be) I no longer wonder at 
 the miniature. 
 
 Mrs C. Emma, I could not have believed — 
 
 Emma. On my honor, I was unacquainted — 
 
 Fred. Rattle my letter — {Rattle goes to Frederick and 
 pushes Dashall aside.) this letter will convince you, 
 madam, that she was so : you will therein find what 
 are my pretensions, and that I have not failed in the 
 respect due to an amiable character — the friend — the 
 more than mother of my Emma. 
 
 Dash. There the dog has her — 
 
 Rat. The tide has waited for my master, and we 
 shall sail down the stream with flying colors, and filled 
 with good things, like an Alderman's barge on a Lord 
 Mayor's day. (Goes up Stage dancing.) 
 
 Fred. It is to your mistake I am indebted for this in- 
 terview — the miniature alone — 
 
 Mrs. C. I know how you became possessed of it. 
 
 Dash. Oh Lord ! — Yes ! I've told all — these ladies 
 have only talked six minutes with me, and yet they 
 know all about me, as well as if they had lived with 
 me all my life. 
 
 Mrs. C. Nephew, (Going up to Dashall.) There are 
 some faults that are excusable in youth and inexperi- 
 ence — yours are njot of that description — but I ought not 
 to reproach you, since to my knowledge of your char- 
 acter, I owe the good fortune of preserving my Emma 
 from a frightful calamity. 
 
 Dash. Meaning a husband ! 
 
 Mrs. C. No, Sir, from a vicious character and a dis- 
 solute and unfeeling libertine. 
 
 Dash. Meaning me — upon my soul I'm very much 
 obliged to you, madam : you seem to be a sensible per- 
 son — Fred, here's an excellent fellow — He is beloved 
 and loves — they'll petition — you'll relent — they'll en- 
 treat — you'll consent — marriage will wind up the whole 
 and — 
 
34 MY AUNT : 
 
 Mrs. C. Nephew, you are very weak or very mad. 
 
 Dash. Very both I believe, at your service. 
 
 Mrs. C. I fear you will never mend. 
 
 Dash. Ingenuously — I fear not. 
 
 Mrs. C. Then never marry. 
 
 Dash. You're right — I'll maintain my freedom, that 
 I may keep my good humour. — Marriage, is a damper 
 to mirth — a wet blanket to wit — and a dark dive into 
 a bath full of misfortunes, of which no man knows the 
 bottom. — If Frederick marries — if he continues my 
 friend — if Miss Emma forgives me, and above all, if 
 some day or other, you pardon me, I shall console my- 
 self under all my misfortunes, crosses and losses, and 
 remain my dear aunt, your very humble servant, and 
 most dutiful nephew, Richard Dashall, et cetera, Sec. Sec. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Emma. In the countenance of my dear protectress I 
 read encouragement to hope. 
 
 Mrs. C. Your happiness, is alone my object and I 
 do not believe I shall here find any cause to interrupt it. 
 
 Rat. Sir — I hope you'll draw one conclusion from all 
 that is past — namely, that upon every pressing occasion 
 your wisest and best plan will be to shut your eyes, 
 and let me guide you. — You may talk of pilots, Sir, but 
 he's the most dexterous, who can steer a vessel thro' 
 opposing storms and dangerous quicksands, and pilot it 
 safely into the port of matrimony. 
 
 FINALE. 
 
 Fred, and Emma. 
 
 Tho' thus at last our hearts at ease, 
 
 Your frowns our fancy haunt ; 
 Condemn the Nephew, if you please 
 
 But pray applaud " My Aunt." 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Tho 1 thus at last, &c. &c. 
 
A COMEDY. 35 
 
 Rattle. 
 Attend if you like it, or not, to their prattle. 
 You all in your times have been fond of a rattle, 
 For Aunt or for Nephew, I care not a grain, 
 But pray you, let Rattle, oft Rattle again. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Tho' thus at last, &c. 
 
 THE END. 
 
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