6;s5 ^^mm,^0M:'^t^-.''- ^- *' ■--,„■ ■ . 786 y 1 -^•-., - - ^' -^^ • - ~ . ■ ..' ; : ♦ VINEGAR'S VAnDEVniE AGENCY BY SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS PRICE 25 GENTS Eldridge Entertainment House Franklin, Ohio Denver, Colo. TWO PLAYS FOR BOYS By SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS. Mr. Tibbals has been unusually successful in fur- nishing boys' plays that introduce characters true to life. While the plays are strong and forceful in the lessons they teach, clean comedy predominates and the boys like them. ''The Millionaire Janitor ff A corned}^ in two acts. Here is a rollicking play for eight or more boys with plenty of action. Just the thing for a Boys' Class or Junior Y. M. C. A. Easily staged and costumed. -Opportunity for intro- duction of musical numbers and recitations. By in- troducing such feature^s the play may be used for an -entire evening's entertainment. Priee 25 Cents «< Up Caesar's Creek** A splendid play for any numbei^ of boys. The characters are real boys and the play deals with their experiences while camping up Caesar's Creek the per- formance closing with a minstrel show in camp. Cos- tumes and scenery are not elaborate and the play may be pro'duced on any stage. Price 25 C^its These cornedies are protected by copyright, but permission for amateur production is granted with the purchase of the book. ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE Franklin* Obio Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency By SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS Copyright, 1919, Eldridge Entertainment House Published by- ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE, FRANKUN, OHIO .ni-JL DENVER, COLO. i» ©G1.0 5!)419 OEC 22 i3l9 «P .^ Foreword. Vaudeville is becoming ever more popular as a form of amusement and audiences want their laughs faster and louder than ever before. The old-fashioned enter- taiment, made up of a program of songs and recitations, is no longer a success. People now expect to sit back comfortably in their seats and have comedy handed to them of a kind that requires neither deep thought nor ponderous reflection. In submitting for your approval this ketch entitled, "Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency," the author puts forth no claim of merit. He has simply desired to present you with a setting in which to introduce a few good individ- dal numbers on a miscellaneous program. How elabor- ate the entertainment will be shall depend upon the tal- ent available and the cleverness of the director. The sketch is planned upon simple lines to suit the average school room, but it will be found to be elastic and may be easily elaborated into a more pretentious review if desired. Amateur vaudeville talent cannot be expected to measure up to the professional standard, but in every community there are to be found young men and young women with the talent to entertain. By using this sketch to introduce these amateur actors you will give the home folks a pleasant diversion from the ordinary speaking and singing program. The numbers suggested are not binding. Use your talent to the best advantage If a piano number is available have the piano on the stage. If you have a juggler or a magician in your town introduce him. The dialog is so written that it can be cut off or added to at any point to introduce the talent you have at hand. The sketch may be cut to half-an- hour and used as the after-piece for a minstrel show or it may be lengthened to fill an entire evening. In the back of the book will be found a number of suggested features that can be easily introduced. The sketch may close with a big chorus or an individual number. Like all amateur entertainments the success of "Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency" will depend upon the originality and cleverness of the director. -M CHARACTERS. Valentine Vinegar, proprietor of the agency. Viola Vinegar, his daughter. Eph, the colored janitor. The Talent. Rube Amateur, must have a good singing voice. A Child, either boy or girl, who can recite. Quartette, either male or female or mixed. Lucy Green, a young lady with ability as a reader. GoNA Sing, a talented soprano. Jonathan Trott ^ two young men who can play a Dusty Roades \ duett on any instruments. Williams and Walker, a boy and girl to impersonate vaudeville team. Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency. Scene: Office of the Vinegar Vaudeville Agency. A plain inteiirior setting with center door. A flat top desk R. with chair for Vinegar. Waste basket full of paper near desk. Typewriter desk with chair L. for Viola. Four chairs, ttvo each side of door against rear wall. Show hills and posters are tacked up on flat. At rise of curtain Eph is discovered dusting the furniture. Eph — (throws duster on Valentine's desk) This is a fine job I've had wished on me. I wonder what time de folks dat own dis yere factory comes down to work? I got yere at six bells and now it's past nine and nobody; ain't showed up yet. How kin folks make a livin' what don't get down to business 'til after nine o'clock. (Sits in chair and puts his feet on desk.) Well, if they don'fj care nothin' about their business I reckon I should worry. (Leans head ba^k.) Golly. I sure wuz anxious to make a good start when I got here three hours ahead of everybody else. Reckon I might as well git back some of that sleep I lost. (Falls asleep and begins to snore.) (Enter Viola Valentine, CD. She is dressed very theatrically with big hat and loud coat.) - Viola — (goes to her desk after removing hat and coat. Does not see Eph but hears the snoring) How sweetly the troubadour touched his guitar. (Eph emits a long, loud snore and Viola turns and sees him.) Viola — That's no guitar. Sounds more like a sax- ophone. I wonder where he came from? (Crosses to table and tickles Eph's face with the duster.) (Eph waves duster away and talks in his sleep.) e Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency Eph — Clotilda, you keep your finger out of my eye. (Snores again.) Viola — It must be the new janitor father told me about. Handsome individual. (Tickles Eph's face again with the duster.) Eph — (waving duster away) Quit dat! I done told you once. Leave me alone, Clotilda. (Nods.) Viola — (shaking him) Here, wake up. Who are you? Eph — (rubbing his eyes) Who? Me? Viola — Yes, you. What you doing around, here? Eph: — Sleepin'. Viola — What's your name? Eph—Whol Me? Viola — ^Yes, you. What's your name? Eph — Ephriam Jones. But most folks just call me Eph. Viola — Well, Eph, I suppose you are the new jani- tor. Eph — Something like that. (Gets up and stretches) Are you the typewriter? Viola — No, the typewriter is on the desk over there. Eph — I knows you now. You're Miss Smarty. Viola — I am Miss Vinegar. My father is the owner of the Vinegar agency. Eph — (bows) Oh, yes. You're the boss's daughter. Begs your pardon. Miss. What kin I do for you? Viola — Father hired you to act as janitor and office boy, didn't he? Eph — Was that your father what hired me? Viola — ^Yes. Eph — Lady, you have my extremist humiliation. Viola — ^What do you mean by that? Eph — I sure am sorry for you. It must be terrible for a daughter to have such a father. Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency 7 Viola — (sternly) Do you mean to insult me? Eph — Call it what you please, lady. I'm only tell- ing the truth. Viola — We never speak the truth in this office. What wages did father promise you? Eph — I am to start in at eleven dollars a week. Viola — I see. You are to have a raise later. Eph — Yes. After I've learned the business around here, I am to git nine dollars a week. Viola — Do you think you'll ever learn the business? Eph — Sure. I'm right at home here. Viola — What sort of a place do you think this is? Eph — A nut factory. Viola — This is a vaudeville agency. Eph — Same thing. Viola — We try out new talent here. Eph — Then turn 'em loose on the suffering public. Viola — Acting is a noble art. Eph — Maybe, lady, maybe. I've never seen much of it. Viola — Don't you go to shows? Eph — Sure. But I ain't nebber seen much acting. Valentine — (outside) All right, all right. Come around next Saturday. Viola — Here comes father. Get busy. (She goes to desk and begins writing on typewriter.^ Eph starts dust- ing.) (Enter Valentine. He should have an eccentric Jew make-up. Wears long coat with flashy vest and plug hat. Light trousers and spats. Very theatrical.) Val. — Good morning, daughter. (Goes to desk and picks up mail.) Vy don't you get the mail answered? (To Eph.) Here, take my hat. (Hands hat to Eph.) Eph— Where will I take it? Val. — Hang it up. '^ 8 Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency Epk — Hang it up where? Vol. — Goodness. If I got to show you everything, I might as well do it myself. Vat you here for? Eph—Who'i Me? Val. — Yes, you. Say, git oudt of here. (Eph starts off.) Come back. Put the hat on the desk. (Eph puts hat on the desk amd gets his foot in the waste basket. Skips around stage upsetting the basket.) Val. — My gracious! Vat are you, a jumping rabbit? Eph^Whol Me? Val. — Cut it oudt. Pick up those papers and take the basket oudt by the elevator and empty it into the bin. (Eph is busy for several seconds picking up the waste paper.) Val. — (Sits at desk and begins opening mail.) No vonder I am oxcited. I met Abe at the court house this morning. Viola— Well, why not? Val — He told me he had been paying his war tax. Viola — What did he mean by his war tax? Val — Said he just took out a license to get married. I was so surprised you could have knocked me down with a brick — so surprised I was. Viola — Well, what you expect from such a loafer like Abe? (Eph exits ivith waste basket C D.) Val. — Vat you think of the new office boy? Viola — It isn't necessary. Val. — He'll make me a good servant. Viola — By the time he is the age of old black Joe. Val. — Veil, what you goin' to do? Good help is hard to get. Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency 9 (Enter Rube Amateur with music roll. Rube should he a good singer and made up eccentric. He gawks about the stage and Valentine and Viola pay no attention to him. Viola busy writing on type- writer. Val reading mail. After pause of several seconds Eph enters with empty waste basket.) Ephr—For de land of goodness! When did dat blow in? (Eph walks about Rube holding waste basket aloft as if to catch him like a butterfly in a net. Ev- ery time Eph steps forward Rube steps backward until he falls across VaVs desk, just as Eph makes a swipe with the^ basket.) I almost got 'im. Val. — Get oudt! Vat you dink dis is? Rube — (rising) Beg pardon. Please send that crazy man away. Eph^W\vo1 Me? Rube — Yes, you. I want to see Mr. Valentine Vin- egar. Eph — Dar he is. Take off your hat. (Takes Rube's hat from his head and hands it to him.) Val — Vat do you want? Ruhe — I want to sing. Eph — Well, why don't you? Viola — Do you like to sing? Rube — Of course I do and ma says I have a splendid ear for music. Val. — Then you should learn to sing with your ear. Rube — I want you to know sir, that I have a trained voice. Eph — That's nothing. I have a trained flea. (He scratches his back.) Val — Get oudt! (Throtvs book at Eph, who exits hurriedly c. D.^ Veil, I vill listen to the young man. May- be he sings better than he looks. Viola shut up the type- writer and listen. Viola — (puts cover over machine.) What are you going to sing? 10 Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency (Rube announces his song, which may be any selection that he chooses. During the song Valen- tine and Viola should give quiet attention. In fact during all the specialties there should be no horse play or comedy to distract the audience unless su^h is written in the dialog. When straight features are being introduced there should be no interruptions. The success of the entertainment depends upon the variety of specialties introduced and each individuxd must have a square deal. If Rube's song wins an en- core, let him take it before dialog is resumed.) Eph{ sticks his head in the door) Wuz anybody hurtin' dat fellow? Viola — Oh, Eph. How did you like that song? Eph — (coming down) Glad to say I didn't hear it. Viola — You missed something, Eph. That lad can sing. Val. — (rises and shakes hands with Rube.) You are all right, young fellow. You can sing. Rube — Do you think I could keep the wolf from the door by singing? Eph — You certainly could, if the wolf had any kind of an ear for music. Val. — Go down to (local tailor) and get a dress suit. Come back in a week and I'll give you an engagement in the big time. Rube — How much do I get? Val. — Veil, you vill get all that is left after I take oudt my commission. Viola — But — ^father. Val. — Enough. A great artist can't be trusted with money. Run along my boy and come back a week from today. It is all arranged. Rube — But I want a contract. Val. — Oh, a contract in this business is noddings. My vord is less reliable than a contract. Viola, draw up a contract for this gentleman and have it ready von veek from today. I congratulate you, young man. Good day. (Goes to desk and sits.) Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency 11 Eph — (takes Rube by arm and leads him off c. D.) You're lucky he didn't ask you to put up a hundred dol- lars. (Pushes Rube out c. D.) Val. — The young man will do well in vaudeville. Viola — I should think he might succeed on the con- cert stage. Eph — He would be fine makin' records for de funny graph. (At this point a child elocutionist may be intro- duced. If the little tot has a character recitation, let it be done in costume. The child peeps shyly in at the door.) Eph — We don't want to buy nothin'. Go 'way. Child — I don't want to sell sumpfin. I want to speak my piece. (Comes in.) Val. — We have no use for children in our business. Viola — Oh, yes we have. Everybody loves a child, and a bright child can always hold an audience. (Goes to the child.) Of course we want to hear you speak your piece. Try it on those folks out there and if you please them I'll give you a nickle. Val. — Such a vaste of money, Viola, you should not do it. (Child recites any selected recitation.) (Eph at conclusion of recitation picks up the child and puts it on his shoulder. Viola gives the child a nickle.) Val. — Not so bad. Come back in ten years and ve vill talk business. Take the youngster down stairs, Eph, and start it home. (Eph exits loith child on his shoulder who throws kiss to audience as they pass out.) Viola — Father here is this letter from that Chau- tauqua manager who wants a quartette quick. Val. — Veil, send him one. Viola — I haven't any quartette. 12 Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency Val. — Tell Eph to go out and get one. Viola — All right. But what kind? A male quar- tette, a female quartette, or a mixed quartette. Val. — How should I know? Viola — Well, how should I know? Val. — Look at the letter. My goodness, girl, look at the letter. Vat does the manager order ? Viola — (looking at le^tter) He doesn't say. Val. — Veil, then, send him a quartette. (Enter Eph.) Viola — Eph, go out quick and get us a quartette. We have an engagement for one. Eph — I just saw a nice, ripe quartette hanging in Eckstein's window across the street. (Goes to door,) Here they come now. (Enter quartette. This may be either a male, female or mixed quartette. If a male quartette, they may be made up eccentric or in full dress. If a mixed or lady quartette, they had better dress neat,) Val. — (rushes up and shakes hands) Glad to see you. Do you want an engagement? What do you do? No. 1 — We're acrobats. Val. — No use for acrobats. Too many now. No. 2 — ^We can do a singing act. Val. — That's better. Let's hear you sing. (If a male quartette much fun TYiay be intro- duced in getting started. The director should work up the feature. Quartette introduces any selejption they desire.) Val. — (after encore has been taken) Ve vill give you a contract to sing at (nearby town) Chautauqua. No. 1 — Thank you. Val. — Never mind. Go pack your suitcases and hurry. (Exit quartette.) Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency 13 (Eph stands looking after them at the door.) Vol. — Veil, vat you starin' at? Eph — Is it as easy as that? Viola — As easy as what? Eph — As easy as that to get on the stage? Viola — They're Aot going on the stage. They are going on the Chautauqua platform. Eph — How much will they get? Vol. — Oh, a hundred dollars a day — maybe. Eph — Goodbye, (starts off.) FaZ.^Vere you goin'? Eph — Goin' out to get more talent. There's a girl in the office next door that can recite something grand. Wait till I bring her in. (Exit.) Viola — He's got the fever. A regular scout for tal- ent. Val. — I'll bet he brings in a lemon. Viola — You never can tell, father In this business we find real artists where we least expect them. Val. — That's 'cause we are never expecting to find real artists. Viola — It's a funny business. Val. — It's enough to drive a man crazy. (Enter Eph.) Eph — She's comin' right away. Viola — Who is coming? Eph — Miss Lucy Green. She's the best you ever had rn this place. She can recite — that girl kin. She re- cited a piece for us at the boiler-makers' muskrat sup- per and would you believe it, she done made everybody cry. (Lucy Green may do her recitation straight or in character. If she recites a dramatic or pathetic number she should dress neatly as an office girl. If she elects to do a comic recitation she may dress ac- cordingly.) ■-^^mi tJ^ Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency (Enteir Lucy.) Lucy — Eph says you want to hear me recite. Val. — Eph may be right and again he may be wrong. It's his idea, not ours. Viola — You have recited before? Lucy — Oh, yes. But I don't think I'm very good. Val. — ^Vat? Who ever heard an amateur elocution- ist that wasn't sure she was the best ever? Lucy — ^You are going to hear one now if you care to. Val. — (rising) My dear young lady, in a long suf- fering experience I have never seen any one so modest. Sure, I want to hear you. I want to hear how bad you are. Lucy — I'll do my best, but I haven't any idea that I am a Sarah Barnhart. I'll recite for you (announces her subject and recites.) Val. — (at conclusion of encore) Very good, Miss Green. I have heard some professional talent that vas not so good as you. Would you like to go on the stage? Lucy — Of course. Every girl who has talent would like to go on the stage. Val. — Then I vill give you a contract. Lucy — Thank you, Mr. Valentine, but I cannot take it. Val. — ^Vy net? You are young and you have ability. You vill make good. Lucy — Perhaps. And if I should, what then? I would miss all that makes life worth living. Val. — ^You might win fame and money. Lucy — Fame and money are nothing. I should miss having a home of my own. I would trade the sincere love of a family for the idle flattery of jealous rivals. I would be a wanderer on the face of the earth instead of making a home for those I love. No, I thank you, Mr. Valentine. I would rather stay right here and take care of mother and when the right man comes along, I'll mar- ry him and be happy ever after. No stage life for me. But I thank you just the same. (Exit.) Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency 15 Val. — Veil, vat do you think of that? Viola — I think she's right, and a mighty smart girl Eph — Dog-gone. But she sure can speak her piece. (Enter Gotm Sing.) (Gona Sing is to sing a solo. Her make-up will depend upon the character of her song. If she in- troducers a classical number she may he dressed as a grand opera singer, picture hat, furs, etc.) Gona — I beg your pardon, you are Mr. Valentine? (to Eph.) Eph — Who ? Me ? I should say not. There's your Valentine. (Points to Val.) (Aside) An ugly one, too. Gona — Mr. Valentine, I am Gona Sing. Val. — (looking up) How do you know you are? Gona — How do I know I am what? Val. — Gona Sing. Gona — That's my name. Val. — Oh, I thought it was a threat. Gona — Will some one accompany me? Val. — Eph, accompany Gona Sing on the elevator, Gona — I don't sing on the elevator. I want a piano accompaniment. Viola — Give me your music. The pianist in front will play for you. (Viola takes music and hands it to> pianist.) Gona — (goes to front of stage and smiles at pianist) All I want you to do is to play the music for my song. Val. — (rises and leans across desk) Must you sing? Gona — What do you mean, **Must I sing?" Val. — The audience looks so happy. Gona — (sarcastically) Perhaps you'd rather sing instead. Viola — He is quite capable of it. Gona — Yes, he looks as if he were capable of any- thing. 16 Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency Val. — Go on. If you're Gona Sing go on and sing. But vait a minute, Gona Sing, vat are you goin' to sing? (Gona announces song. Eph and Valentine stroll off stage. Viola listens attentively and a/p- plaitds at conclusion of song.) Viola — (after encore) Oh, I like that. We have to listen to so many cheap and common songs now-a-days that it is a real treat to hear a song like that. (Enter Val. and Eph.) . Vol. — ^Very good, Miss Sing. You shall have a con- tract. Come back^ tomorrow and we will arrange your itinery. (Gona bows and exits. Eph follows her to door. Gazes after her a moment then comes back and stands beside Val.) Eph — I asks your pardon, boss, but what— what is dat you gwine arrange for Miss Sing. She looks all right to me. Val. — Vat you talkin' about? Eph — ^You done said you was gwine arrange her — eye — eye — tin — er — ^mary. Sumphin' like a operation, I reckon. Viola — (laughing) Father said itinerary. He means her journey. Her route from place to place on a circuit, particularly for the purpose of preaching, lec- turing or giving concerts. Understand? Eph — (slowly) I reckon so. Say, Mr. Vinegar, I am learning a new song. • VaL— Vot is it? Eph — "They've moved all the chickens to the hay- mow now." Val. — Are you up in it? Eph — I was last night. My itinerary done took me that way. Viola — Father means do you know the song? Eph — I sure does. Shall I sing it? Vin&gar's Vomdeville Agency IT Val. — Don't trouble yourself. Evh — (crosses to Viola's desk) He won't give me a chance, I'm a good minstrel man. Every night I sing my sister's baby to sleep with a lullaby. Viola — Ha, ha! a lullaby. Evh — (hurt) I don't believe you even know what a lullaby am. Viola^—Oh, don't I? A lullaby is something that keeps a whole neighborhood awake while putting one kid to sleep. (At this point Eph may introduce a pretty Southern- lullaby loith Viola and Valentine joining in the chorus. If a bigger feature is wanted, lights may be dimmed and a chorus of girls may introduce the Indian hdlaby from "Zhe Captain of Plymouth,'" price, JfOc.) (Enter Jonathan Trott.) (This may be used as the introduction of a mu- sical act. If two young men who can play any mur- sical instruments are available, the duet may be used at point indicated. Any other instrument may be used in place of the violin.) Jonathan — (dressed as a trarAp) Would any of yoR tike to buy a fine violin? (Draws bow over strings with a plaintive wail.) This is a splendid instrument. It is a genuine Stradivari and was owned by Professor Til- lumwinkum, the eminent virtuoso. (Plays loudly on the G string.) Val. — No, ve don't vant to buy a fiddle. Eph — If it was a banjo, I might buy it. Jonathan — Does your sister want to buy a violin? (Looks at Viola.) Viola — I'm nobody's sister. Jonathan — Well, if you was somebody's sister would you want to buy a violin ? Viola — No, I'd rather have a player piano. 18 Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency Jonathan — (plays a few harsh measures) Ain't it a sweet tone ? Yal. — Stop. Vat you mean by squawking around here? Get oudt. Jonathan — This violin as I told you before belonged to the celebrated violinist, Professor Tillumwinkum. It is a real Stradivari. Val. — I never heard of Professor Tillumwinkum. Jonathan — What! You never heard of Professor Tillumwinkum? Eph — No, sah! We all nevah heard of Professor Tillumwinkum ? Jonathan — And you don't want to buy his violin? Val. — No, I don't want to buy his old fiddle. Eph — We don't want to buy his old fiddle. Jonathan — ^Very well. (Exits playing loudly on the violin.) Eph—VW bet he stole that fiddle. Viola — Very likely. It is quite evident he cannot play it. Val. — Viola, put an advertisement in the paper for a wild man. One of our customers wants a wild man for a side show. Eph — What's the matter with me? Viola — Oh, you're not wild enough. Eph — Ever see me when I was wild? Just watch. (Eph rants about the stage, biting the furni- ture and barking like a dog. Enter Dusty Roads, \ Sees Eph and runs wildly for the door. Eph chases him off.) Val. — Here, here, quit dot monkey business! You drive away a good customer, maybe. (Eph subsides and Dusty peeps in at door.) Viola — Come in. Dusty — What is this? A mad house? Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency 19 Eph — Nothin' a tall only a rehearsal. DusUj — Oh, I see. You were acting. (Enters.) Well I'll say you are some actor. Val — What can I do for you? Dusty — If I could find a certain thing I'm looking for, I could make $500. Eph — (looks under desks and about stage) Golly. I'll. certainly help you, Mister Man. What are we lookin* for? Dusty — A violin. Eph — I know where there's a lot of violins. Dusty — (takes Eph by the hand, tiptoes about the stage, touching his lips with his fingers. Valentine comes up on other side of Dusty) Sh-sh! I'm a detective. I'm looking for a violin that once belonged to Professor Til- lumwinkum. (Eph starts to speak and Val motions him to silence.) It was stolen from him and he offers a re- ward of $500 for its return. Val. — My goodness. Eph — You don't say! Dusty — I would give $400 for that violin right now. Eph — (pulling Dusty toward him) You would? Dusty — Certainly I would. Val. — (Fulliyig Dusty taivard him) Vould you? Dusty — Sure. Val. — Veil, come back here in a few minutes and we maybe have the celebrated Tillumwinkum violin in our possession. Du^ty — You know^ where it is, then? Val. — Oh, maybe, and then again, maybe not. Eph — Violins am very elusive. Sometimes you think you got 'em and then you hain't. But we got a hunch we may find this one. Val. — You come back in a few minutes. (Pushes Dusty toward door.) 20 Vinegar's Vavdeville Agency Dusty — Very well. I'll play fair. I'll give you ^400 for it. A hundred is enough for me. (Exit.) Val. — Quick, now, quick, Eph. You go down street and I'll go up. (Grabs hat.) Eph — ^Wait a minute. I don't believe the fellow with the fiddle left the building. He went upstairs. Val — We mustn't let him get away. That detective was right on his track. (Jonathan plays violin outside.) Eph — There he is. Listen. (Jonathan passes the door, scraping the violin.) Val. — Here, you, come in here. (Enter Jonathan.) Jonathan — Did you call me? Eph — ^Yas sah, yes sah. We wants to see you. Jonathan — What is it? Val. — Did I understand you to say a few minutes ago that you wanted to sell that old fiddle. Jonathan — ^Yes, but I've changed my mind. Val. — Oh, come now, my good man, I've been think- ing the matter over. Eph — You mean we been thinkin' the matter over, boss. We're partners in this deal. Val. — Of course. We've been thinking the matter over. You look as if you need money, so I'm — ^we're — prepared to help you out by purchasing your violin. Jonathan — You are very kind, but I don't believe I want to part with it. (Starts toward door.) Eph — (grabs him) Wait a minute, man, wait a minute. You got another think comin'. Jonathan — Take your hands off me. Do you want me to smash this violin over your head ? (Raises violin) Eph — (drawing away) For de Ian' sakes, be keer- f ul. Don't you hurt dat violin. Val—VW gif you von hundred dollars for dat fiddle. Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency 21 Jonathan — (Indignantly) What! Only a paltry, insignificant $100 for this genuine Stradivari played by the famous Professor Tillumwinkum? Well, I should say not. (Starts off again.) Val. — (aside to Eph) That's the one. Eph — (aside) It sure am. Val. — (calling Jonathan back) One minute. To show you my heart is in the right place, I'll gif you $200. Jonathan — (turns at door) I couldn't think of it. Eph — Two hundred and fifty. Jonathan — I couldn't do it. yaL— Veil $300 then. That is the limit. Jonathan — (comes hack from door) Sold for $300. You have a bargain. (Hands violin to Valentine who gives him roll of bills.) Thank you, sir. You have pur- chased a wonderful instrument. (Exit) Eph — Golly! We made a hundred dollars. Val. — Who made a hundred dollars? Eph — Why, we, us and company. Val — Where do you come in? Eph — Ain't I your partner? You done said it your- self. Val. — Yes, but you ain't put up no money. You can haf a half interest for one hundred and eighty dollars. Eph — I ain't got no money. Val. — Then you can't be my partner. Vot is the use of having a partner vot ain't got no money. Who efer heard of such a thing? Eph— You're a swindler. I'll go find Professor Til- lumwinkum and tell him you got the fiddle for $300. Val— (seizing Eph.) Don't you do it. Don't you do noddings of the sort. I'll divide with you. (Enter Dusty Roads) (Dusty walks about stage showing no interest in the others.) 22 Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency Vol. — One minute. Ain't you the detectertive man who vas in here a few moments ago and offered me — us — $400 for Professor Tillumwinkum's violin? Dusty — Yes, sir, I'm the man. Vell—y^W, I've got it. Eph — -You mean we've got it. Dusty — I congratulate you. Val. — We're ready to let you have it for $400. Dusty — I've changed my mind. Fa/.— Vat? You— you— don't varit it? Eph — You say you done changed your mind? DvMy — Yes. A man has the right to change his mind, hasn't he? Val. — But — but — my good man. We bought the fid- dle to sell to you for $400. Eph — You mean you bought it. I'm out of this deal. Dusty — That was your lookout. Val.—li you don't buy it, I'm stuck. Vot shall I do with it? Dusty — Play on it. Val. — I can't play de fiddle. ■ Eph — No, but you played the dickens. Dusty — I'll get my partner and we'll show you how to play. (Enter Jonathan) Val. — You're a thief. Jonathan — Not at all. Just a good salesman. I sold you a violin after you told me you didn't want to buy one. Eph — (laughs loudly) Yes, Mr. Valentine, he is a good salesman, sure enough. Val. — I'll have you all arrested. Eph— Who 1 Me? Val. — Yes, you, too. I believe you were in the frame- up. Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency 23 Dusty — Wait a minute, Mr. Valentine. Listen to us play and if you give us a contract for the big time we'll give you back your money. Val. — It's a hold-up. (Sits at desk. Viola enters and goes to her desk. Eph sits in chair and Dusty an^ Jonathan do musical specialty. If desired a ukelele, gui- tar or mandolin may be used instead of violin and an en- tire glee club may be introduced at this point. At con-, elusion of number Jonathan, Dusty and rest of the mu- sicians exit.) (Enter Williams and Walker.) (This is a take-off on the vaudeville teams. If well done it may be counted on to make a big hit. Williams is the boy and Walker the girl of the team. If possible have them tall and short. A tall girl and a short boy make the best combination. They enter wearing long coats and carrying suit cases.) Williams — Is this the Vinegar Vaudeville Agency? Eph — It am. Walker — Where is Mr. Vinegar? Eph — Right over yander. If you done use your eyes you wouldn't have to talk so much. Williams — Don't get cute, Chocolate Drop. Remem- ber Miss Walker is a lady. Eph — Well, you don't say. You wouldn't know it to look at her. Val. — Get oudt, Eph. I'll take the case. Vat can I do you for? I mean what can I do for you? Williams and Walker — (both talking at once) You see, we are vaudeville actors. Have played all the big time but are down in our luck just now and thought per- haps you might be able to Val. — Stop! For goodness sake, vat is it, a duet? Let the feller talk. Eph — When there's a woman around? It can't be did. Val. — Eph, you go sit down and keep still. 2Jf Vinegar's Vavdeville Agency (Eph sits in chair nea/r door.) Vol. — Now, you (points to Williams) vat do you vant? Williams — We want an engagement. We have a new talking act. yioZo— Did you say it was new? Williams — Sure. I wrote it myself. Vol. — Let's hear it. (Williams and Walker take off their long coats atid are dressed in any suitable make-up. The most effective is full dress for Williams with silk hat and cane, very swell. Evening gown or tennis outfit for Walker. They should look like the popula/r talk- ing comedians of vaudeville. They advance to front of stage and bow.) Williams — Did you tell Stella Smith I was a fool? Walker — No; I thought she knew it. Williams — Certainly she didn't know it. Walker— Then I'll tell her. Williams — Don't trouble yourself. ^ Walker — No trouble. It's a pleasure. Viola — That isn't new. They all say that. Walker — You seemed very attentive to that girl at the dance the other evening. Williams — It was love at first sight. Walker — Then why don't you marry her? ^ Williams — I took another look. Walker — After all, what is love? Williams — Love is a boil on a man's bank account. Walker — And marriage? Williams — Ah, marriage is the pretty little bubble that floats in the air. Walkefl- — Now tell me what is divorce? Williams — Divorce is the pin that punctures the bubble. Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency 25 (Eph has fallen asleep. At this point he drops off the chair with a crash) Vol. — ^Vait, vait. You said this was a new act. Williams — (helps Eph up) You seem sleepy. Eph — Golly, man, I hain't seen my bed in many a day. Williams — How's that? Eph — It's a foldin' bed and I only let it down at night. (Eph sits down again and immediately falls asleep.) Val. — Hurry up. Let's hear the rest of your act. Walker — One minute. I heard the other day that you are married already. Williams — I am. My wife is a business woman. Walker — Tell me something about your wife. Williams — She's a great hunter. Walker — A deer hunter? Williams — No, Walker — A bear hunter? Williams — No. Walker — Ah, a lion hunter? Williams — No. Walker — Then what kind of a hunter is she? Williams — A bargain hunter. Tomorrow is her birthday and I don't know what to get her. Walker — Get her something for her neck. Williams — There's only one thing she needs for her neck. Walker— WhsiVs that? Williams — A cake of soap. (Eph falls off the chair. Viola faints and Vinr egar leaps up.) Val — That settles it. That's the oldest joke in vaudeville. We can't use you. (Curtain may he dropped at this point or a full chorus may come on to sing finale.) SUGGESTIONS Good songs for Rube Amateur are 'The Magic of Your Eyes," (baritone), price 35 cents; "Come Back Home," (tenor), price 25 cents. If the quartette is male use "When Men Wear Bon- nets" or "The Spring Poet," price 10 cents each. If a female quartette, we recommend "The Hat of Other Days," price 25 cents. Lucy Green may use any pretty poem but if you wish to show her real ability as an elocutionist and act- ress use "Annie's Ticket," a pathetic Irish reading in. "Pieces People Recommend," price 30 cents. If other talent is introduced the director must use his own judgment as to musical numbers, recitations, etc. Do not make your entertainment too long and keep things moving. You will note that anything can be in- troduced in this sketch from a child reciter to a full brass band. The dialog as written is only to patch your crazy-quilt tiDgether. You can make a merry evening's, entertainment out of Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency if you try. 26 HERE ARE SOME OF OOR VERY NEW TITLES It is always a satisfaction to be the first to get hold of new and novel entertainments, and here is YOUR chance: PLAYS rOE FEMALE CHARACTERS Aunt Deborah's First Luncheon 25c When Shakespeare Struck The Town .....25c Ye Tea Party of Ye Olden Time 25c TWO CLEVER MUSICAL PLAYS FOR CfflLDREN Under The Sugar Plum Tree _ 40c In Little Folks Town , 40c TWO NEW MOCK TRIALS Father Time's Christmas Trial 15c Will Soakum's Matrimonial Bureau 25c THREE SPLENDID BOOKS Dramatic Stories, Myths and Legends... \ Paper 35c; Boards 50c For ChildrcD— The Stage or School Room ( Good Stunts for Commencement Week 5flc Novelties That Will Enliven This Festive Occasion What to Say For Closing Day 30c Good Dialogs, Exercises, Etc. for Closing Day, SEND ORDERS TO ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE Franklin, Ohio THE BIG SUCCESS OF LAST SEASON "Somewhere in France By SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS jn STIRRING patriotic drama of the World \^ War in 3 acts. 4 male, 3 female char- acters. All strong parts. One interior scene. This play has been rewritten and elaborated to play a full evening. Last season it achieved an instantanteous hit with amateur players, being produced with great success. The action takes place in the home of Pierre Graudet, a few miles from the trenches and graphically shows why America went into the war. Two sons have been killed in battle and Jean, the youngest son, is blinded by a shell. Mary Dale, an American Red Cross nurse, is attached to a base hospital near the home of the Graudets and her personal care of Jean has ripened into love for the brave young Frenchman who has won his Medal of Honor. The capture of a German aviator, who is com- pelled to land near the home, furnishes a thrilling and dramatic climax at the end of the second act. The dialog is intensely patriotic and one critic has termed the play * 'a classic.** A splendid play for a Red Cross benefit, or to raise money for any war activity. Our most popular play last season. PRICE 25 CENTS THE ELDRiDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE FRANKLIN, OHIO also '"^^^^ DENVER, COLO. K'J^ -■ •^- "'•• " THE HOUSE THAT HELPS" WE ARE SPECIAUSTS IN Amateur Entertainments It is not a side line with us, but we devote our entire time to that business Realizing that many people have grown weary of searching through catalogs and read- ing entertainments only to discard them as unavailable we appreciate'.the fact that our cus- tomers have often spoken of us as ''the house that helps/' We have had practical exper- ience in selecting and producing amateur en- tertainments and we feel that we know what will please the public, and what can be pro- duced under certain conditions. Our experience Is at your disposal. Write us, giving full particulars of your special need in the way of an enter- tainment, and we will select a play, an oper- etta, a drill or even an entire program for you. But always enclose a stamp for the reply. Remember, that in addition to our entertain- ments we carry a large line of publications of other dealers. If in doubt as to the entertain- ment you desire, send particulars and we will suggest something to fit. We are at your service. ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE Franklin, Ohio LIBRPRY OF CONGRES 017 401 378 THE NEW COSTUME BOOK HERE AT LAST IS A BOOK WHICH WILL BE WELCOMED BY EVERYONE WHO HAS AN ENTERTAINMENT IN CHARGE AMATEURS' COSTUME BOOK —^ Py ELIZABETH GUPTILL DESCRIBES ACCURATELY HOW TO MAKE OVER 100 COSTUMES FOR Mother Goose Characters Fairies, Witches, Goblins Spirit of Christmas Characters of Flawers Patriotic Personalities Elves, Brownies and Gnomes ^ Variety of Dolls Little Folks of Long Ago Grecian Maids and Matron Characters of Comedy The Four Seasons Holiday Characters Different Nationalities Angels, Cupids, et^. etc. ILLUSTRATED FROM ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPHS Useful to enterprising mothers who are called upon to costume their children for amateur entertainments or fancy dress parties. ; . ; : ; : : i D D I r^ KT i PAPER, 60 CENTS ■ '^■wR i CLOTH, 75 CENTS ELDRiDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE FRAMKLIN, OHIO ^ "i^ ^ ^ DENVER, COLO.