V Class _jL Book C^m6kW l^iS COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. RAMBLES ROUND THE CAMPUS BY MELVIN RYDER BOSTON SHERMAN, FRENCH 6- COMPANY 1915 -^3^ 1^^^:^ ^k\^^^ COPYEIGHT, 1915 Sherman, French & Company If I; DEC 17 1915 'CI.A416948 CONTENTS PAGE Fable of the Peck Measure .... 1 Free Verse and Worse 3 Aba Daba Daba, May His Tribe Increase . 5 To BE Lived through 7 Exam List for the Faculty 9 Slang and Near- language 11 The Mote in Your Eye 13 The Vision of Nivlem 15 How Are You Educated ? 17 Cutting down Cherry Trees . . . . 19 Seven Years Too Late 21 Playing Marbles 23 Real College Spirit 25 Falling in Love 27 The Mouse and the Lion 29 Imaginary Confessions 31 Wings of Imagination 33 The Stars are Coming out 35 Taking Other People's Dust .... 37 Deuce and Your Ad 39 On the Level and on the Square ... 41 " He's My Pal " 43 Fable of the Oyster 45 Unproductive Prodigal Sons .... 47 PAGE We Are All Desperate ! . . . . . .49 He Hated Himself 51 humpty dumpty 53 Lights of the City 55 Substitute for Studying 57 Derelicts of Life 59 Being Happy Always 61 The World Today 62 Highbrows — by a Lowbrow 64 Danger! Busy Men! 66 Fable of the Empty Wagon 68 Observing Nature 70 Mere Pretenders 72 Cure for Discouragement 74 Cloistered Culture 77 College Men's English ...... 79 Being so Funny 81 Cherry Pies and Life 82 Growing Up 84 Perspiration and Inspiration .... 86 Ten Little Indians 88 Through the Ages, round the World . . 90 The College Man 92 I Wish I Were Home 94 " In a Friendly Sort o' Way " .... 96 Ballast and Cargo 98 Reflections . .100 RAMBLES ROUND THE CAMPUS FABLE OF THE PECK MEASURE Once upon a time there came to a university a freshman who had been valedictorian of his class and the " four " in the Farmburg " Four Hun- dred." His uncle was president of the Lincoln County National Bank and his father was a high mogul in charge of a farm that had gradu- ally become inclosed within the city limits, to the financial and social advantage of the family. After the first two weeks, our hero took a par- tial inventory and made a report on himself, by himself, to himself. He found that he had not been elected president of his class, that his freshman cap was hardly becoming to him, and that his profs seemed to think him as funny as a comic paper might be. In fact, the profs had issued waivers on him soon after they called the roll for attendance. They found nobody at home, the wires discon- nected and the receiver down. He was a talking machine without a point. Do you get our char- acterization correctly ? The only bid he received was one to appear at an exclusive get-apart meeting in the ofl^ce of the dean of his college. We regret that we did not 1 2 THE PECK MEASURE term the dean an executive officer. One bet lost. It seems that the jury of his peers, — which is a new nickname for professors, — had not recom- mended mercy when they gave their verdict. The dean was in a hurry, so he did not waste his vocabulary. The syllabus of his remarks was that our hero might have the qualifications of a clerk, as far as first silent impressions were concerned, but that the college was overcrowded and that the second-hand book store was located nearby. Our hero admitted that his eyesight could fail, and strange to say, — it did. Farm- burg now has an added citizen, — for our hero could vote, — the family income has a bandaged appearance, the newspapers have a dependable source of police news, and the university has a former student who still wears his watchfob with " '18" on it. The moral: That you can sel- dom put a bushel in a peck measure. FREE VERSE AND WORSE I wish I was a rock, a-sittin' on a hill, A-doin' nothin' all day long but just a-sittin' still. When the green o' the grass gets brighter, when the cool o' the evening is lighter, when the warm breezes blow, and ambitions go — no, we guess we'll have to drop this ambition of ours to improvise a few rhymes, for this is spring weather and we have a " dishragy " feeling of laziness. What is the use of having spring? We're too lazy to try presenting arguments. Spring is similar to the " Children's Hour," perhaps. " Between the dark and the daylight, As the night is beginning to lower, Comes a pause in the day's occupations, That is known as the Children's hour." I wish I were a rock, a-sittin' on a hill, doin' nothin' all day long but singing " A Perfect Day." Quite an ambition.? Perhaps spring is not similar to the " Children's Hour." Who knows ? Ever hear that song, " Sweet Katie 3 4 FREE VERSE AND WORSE O'Grady"? It goes like this: "Sweet Katie O'Grady, my dear little rose ; she's my perfect lady, she don't powder her nose." I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't even whistle, I'd just lay still the whole day long, . . . Wonder what rhymes with whistle besides thistle? Oh, well, — you'll give us poetic license to ignore the breaking of the first principle of poetic construction — on such a day as this? We are coming to the end of a perfect-ly crazy editorial. We wish we were a periwinkle! What is a periwinkle ? Ah, that would be tellin' ! If the world were a bucket of soap and of water. And I had a bubble-pipe. I would blow, I would blow, and the bubbles would go. And go and go and go. ABA DABA DABA, MAY HIS TRIBE INCREASE We read recently that one of the few original contributions to literature written since the year one thousand that could not be traced to an earlier source is John Bunyan's " Pilgrim's Progress." An examination of early Greek writings will probably disclose the fact that even this unusual story had inspiration in some simi- lar yarn. All of which is admissable as evidence that there is little new under the sun and moon. Now that we have established such a fact, we propose to demand why there is a scarcity of originality among university students. Why are we in unending ruts ? Why do we accept the dance as the only form of amusement? Why do we tread the same paths daily, without devia- tion into brighter and sunnier avenues.? Why do we take ourselves so seriously because it has been the habit since the Stone Age? Why do professors assume their caps and growns of dignified preponderance? Why not sweep out the old order and insert something new? Let's give the women the vote for the sake of novelty. Why not laugh and smile habitually? 6 ABA DABA DABA Why not carry mandolins or saxaphones with us, instead of canes, for the sake of originality ? Why not discard some of the humdrumery of college and substitute originality such as is found in women's wearing apparel? Now, we do not expect the adoption of every suggestion made, but we would feel gratified if some one would find a substitute form of recreation for dancing. Who will try ? Think it over at least. That would be encouraging. TO BE LIVED THROUGH " Life has been good to me, and as I look back upon it no one thing seems more precious than the thought that I have been much trusted with deep things in the lives of other men and women. Next to living great things for one's self (we learn by- and-by to put that aside) it is wonderful to be lived through. It is wonderful to know a human soul and ask nothing of it, nothing at all, save its utter confidence." This is the personal testimonial of one of the greatest writers of the present day. He is a quiet man of influence and power. He has made us see the beauty of the mild outdoor life. He has been " lived through," as he puts it, but the world judges that he has " lived great things " himself. Many, if not every one of us, are lived through. We have been trusted and we have trusted with a certain frankness that is charac- teristic of college folk. Occasionally our trust has been misplaced, or, rather, imprudently directed. Egotism may have been misunder- stood when we tried to be frank and open. When life is good to us and when it seems to 8 TO BE LIVED THROUGH be treating us in a rough-shod manner, we have need of friends in whom we can confide. We have need of persons who can understand and who can share our burdens, fancied and real. Young persons, however, do not get over the thought of living great things in themselves. In the spring, the summer, and the other seasons, the young man's fancy keeps turning to thoughts of great accomplishments. He throws the little things about recklessly, eager for a big task. Many times he neglects an opportunity to be lived through, and thereby to be of immediate benefit for good. Couldn't we redraft the Golden Rule to read : " Live and be lived through as you would have others live and be lived through by you ".^^ EXAM LIST FOR THE FACULTY Craving pardon for bringing back such a ter- rible subject as examinations, we would that we might depart from the usual method of speaking thereof and say a few words along the hne of an editorial that appeared in the columns of one of our contemporaries recently. A list of five ques- tions was asked of the members of the faculty. Each professor was instructed to do any seven of the five questions asked and to hire a cop to watch while the examination was in progress. The questions follow: " 1. Just about what percent do you know of the exam you gave your class? " 2. Write for an hour on what the average student thinks of you. Be specific. " 3. Use your imagination and write five thou- sand words on either of the following subjects: * Student Life during Examinations ' or ' Dante's Inferno.' " 4. Take the examination books of your section and read them word for word. Don't hurry, be- cause your students may not survive the shock. " 5. Don't tolerate student opinions. Profes- sional dignity is a serious matter. If you have any 9 10 EXAM LIST FOR THE FACULTY lectures to attend or other weighty matters, it is always safe to base your mark on any one ques- tion." The editor added that he would be glad to send a marked copy to any professor who would be benefited. He should have said, " who should need its possible benefits." We have been writ- ing copiously in an effort to convince students of the relative importance of the many interests about the university. Here are five thoughts directed toward those faculty members who may have slipped into instructional ruts. If the shoe fits, accept our guarantee and wear it. You will be getting a bargain. SLANG AND NEAR-LANGUAGE Classic slang is seldom found in libraries. O. Henry must have " put one over " when he " got by " with the following bit of chatter found in his book, " Cabbages and Kings " : " His Nibs skedaddled yesterday per jack-rabbit line with all the coin in the kitty and the bundle of muslin he's spoony about. The boodle is six figures short. Our crowd in good shape, but we need the spondulicks. You collar it. The main guy and the drygoods are headed for the briny. You know what to do. " Bob." For the benefit of the uneducated, the para- graph of cypherized language means that a citi- zen eloped with a girl and most of the coin in stock. The couple are headed for a convenient seaport, with the presumed intention of taking an ocean voyage until the sheriff leaves for his summer vacation, or a change of administration arrives. We like slang. We like to read slang. We understand it and use it. We don't like to see it mixed in with legitimate language, because the 11 12 SLANG AND NEAR-LANGUAGE combination spoils both the language and the dialect. We hate " cheap slang." Many per- sons who use such expressions as " O you kid," " buleeve muh," " I gotchu," and " slip it to muh " continually, ought to be barred from col- lege. We believe it is possible to use it or let it alone when the person has an average amount of will power. Therefore let us, as did Shake- speare, use the jargon tongue carefully. THE MOTE IN YOUR EYE There was once a boy who was a hero-worship- per, just as you and I. He tried to live up to the example of a senior in this university who was a fine young man of excellent habits, a hus- tler and a star in everything that he undertook. The youngster admired the older student and tried to follow the example which was afforded. The two became well acquainted. The older boy took a great interest in the youngster and helped in a number of ways. Finally it happened that the youngster dis- covered one small flaw in his hero. He could not reconcile the trifling defect with the many fine points of character which the other exhibited at all times, and he lost his admiration. He had expected such great things from his hero that the disappointment was severe. He decided that all his admiration had been misplaced. Was he right? We do not think so. Do not lose faith in another until you must. Do not let the one flaw, the one scratch on the beautiful statue, stand out so prominently in your mind that the beauty of the whole is lost. Appreciate the good in every one and make al- 13 14 MOTE IN YOUR EYE lowances for the things that are not good. Judge not — too critically. Take him back as jour hero, boy friend. He is worthy. A scratch is a defect, but if you see the beauty of the entire character of your friend, you will overlook the scratch. The scratch will not re- main, either, if we have judged your hero cor- rectly. THE VISION OF NIVLEM From the brow of a hill that is called Uni- versityville we look backward over a curved path that has woven through thickets filled with un- derbrush, through glens and dingles, in shadows and through open spaces that are bright with sunshine. We see where we will never travel again, for the way is onward toward the distant east and we have come from a land that grows hazy with the following dimness of the continual setting of the sun westward. We see places where the path forked. We see attractive byways that might have been followed into rose-bowers that are now seen in their true disgusting semblance of beauty. We cannot see the rough places as we did when we traveled along that way. Only the bright spots remain clearly outlined in memory's vision. It is with regret, however passing, that we turn to look forward. Soon we will be traveling away from the brow of this hill where we now stand. Soon we will be treading the rocky path that leads o'er suc- cessive hills and valleys, through dark ravines, along the edges of precipices, overlooking 15 16 THE VISION OF NIVLEM chasms deep as dungeons in the earth. A few more weeks and Universityville Hill will be stored away in the files of memory, seen only in the lapses of toil and strife, when idleness per- mits a backward glance such as we now take. Some day we will reach the summit of another hill, another, and then others, until at last we will hear the chimes of time playing, and we will rest from our journey. But ere we go ahead, glance with us again at the scene behind. It is good to behold. Yonder is the home where we used to play as children. Perhaps there is a little red schoolhouse hidden by the branches of sumac trees at a cross-roads. Perhaps the school is in a bustling city, surrounded by lawns and trees, brick pavements and a tiny school- yard where recesses were spent. Enough. We have a glance, and that must suffice. Look for- ward and thankful be that there is a forward and that the road leads on. HOW ARE YOU EDUCATED? A professor in the University of Chicago recently told his students he should consider them educated in the best sense of the word when they could say yes to every one of the questions that he should put to them. The following were the questions that he desired them to be able to answer in the affirmative : " Has education given you sympathy with all the good causes and made you espouse them? " Has it made you public-spirited ? " Has it made you a brother to the weak? " Have you learned how to make friends and keep them ? " Do you know what it is to be a friend yourself? " Can you look an honest man or a pure woman in the eye? " Do you see anything to love in a little child? " Will a lonely dog follow you in the street ? " Can you be high-minded and happy in the meanest drudgeries of life? " Do you think washing dishes and hoeing corn just as compatible with high thinking as piano playing or golf? "Are you good for anything yourself? "Can you be happy alone? 17 18 HOW ARE YOU EDUCATED? " Can you look out on the world and see anything except dollars and cents? " Can you look into a mud puddle by the wayside and see a clear sky? ** Can you see anything in the puddle but mud? " Can you look into the sky at night and see be- yond the stars ? " Cut out this editorial and pin it up before your study lamp. Look at it often, read the above questions and ponder over them. There is a world of philosophy and of serious thinking connected with every question that this professor asked. Can you say " yes " to any or all of the questions? Take another look at the last five questions. How about the next to the last one? " Do you see anything to love in little chil- dren?" "Can you look an honest man or a pure woman in the eye ? " " Are you good for anything yourself," especially for anything that is brotherly or sisterly? How are you edu- cated ? CUTTING DOWN CHERRY TREES " By the way, George," said the father of the father of his country one time, as he scrutinized the ruin of his favorite fruit tree, " who did this job of chopping? " " Father," answered George, " I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little hatchet." If we only had more cherry trees and log cabins in this land of the free, we might have more presidents than we could crowd into the White House, without doubling up the terms of office. We nearly forgot to write an editorial on cherry trees, and we absolutely neglected to pay our respects, to the subject of log cabins a week ago, so we hope to combine the two here. Who knows but that George thought he would add to his reputation as an industrious son when he told his father the truth in regard to the cherry tree episode. " Woodman, spare that tree " had not been written at that time. How was George to know that cutting down the tree that grew bright red cherries would irritate his fond parent? Because George told the truth once, can we conclude that he would not have denied pulling the cat's tail, or throwing stones at the geese in order to hear them squawk? 19 20 CUTTING DOWN CHERRY TREES Because Abraham Lincoln was lucky enough to be born in a log cabin, we conclude that log cabins are the proper things for cradling presi- dential ambitions. It wasn't on account of far- sightedness on the part of the parents that they didn't build a bungalow or an office building. It was just one incident similar in point of chance to the cherry-tree affair. Why urge children to tell the truth every time they cut down a cherry tree.? Why tell us that we might have a chance to succeed Woodrow Wilson when the stock of habitable log cabins is unfortunately limited.? It is rather discourag- ing. We cut down a dogwood sapling one time and carried it about two miles, under the impression that it was sassafras. We admitted freely that we had done the chopping, under the impression that it was a commendable exertion. When we discovered our mistake, we wished we had almost blamed the matter on a recent storm or an earth- quake. Let's make believe that everything in this world that we do is a cherry tree, and that all things that are within our scope of knowledge are log cabins. Let's tell the truth about all our cutting-downs, and let's make believe we were born in log cabins. Then let's follow the ex- amples of George and Abe until we get to some White House. SEVEN YEARS TOO LATE " Seven years, my lord, have now passed since I waited in your outward rooms, or was repulsed from your door; during which time I have been pushing on my work through difficulties of which it is useless to complain, and have brought it at last to the verge of publication, without one act of assistance, one word of encouragement, or one smile of favor." This extract from a letter written by Dr. Samuel Johnson to Lord Chesterfield tells a story. Dr. Johnson, when he was comparatively unknown, sought Lord Chesterfield's assistance. When the dictionary was practically completed, when Dr. Johnson had little need of such patron- age. Lord Chesterfield expressed a willingness to act as patron. The encouragement had been so long delayed that Dr. Johnson was indifferent and cared nothing for it. The same story could be written today, with changed details, concerning many who are strug- gling for places. Praise, glory, and riches crown the man atop the ladder of fame, but below the select few there is little encouragement. The football player plods along through hours 21 2^ SEVEN YEARS TOO LATE of hard practice until he, through some chance of necessity, perhaps, is called upon to go into a game. He scores. He is hailed at once as a great player. Cheers for the winner, jeers for the less capable, which in many cases means the less fortunate. So is it in every profession, in every branch of work. The struggling young actor, lawyer, physician, writer, — all varieties and classes of the unknown, — more usually rise above the sur- face before encouragement is given. Then it is frequently unneeded. What did Dr. Johnson need of encouragement after he had succeeded.'' Is it anything to cause wonder that he was indifferent.? But what greater deeds could he have accomplished if en- couragement and assistance had been tendered seven years before. Give to the successful the praise that is their due, but, better far, give to him or her who needs, by some word or act, a little of encouragement. PLAYING MARBLES It's your shot ! We're playing marbles. Do you know how to play this boyhood game? We'll remind you of a few of the rules. In playing marbles the first requisite is to have a *' shooter." Most boys have preferences as to color, size, composition, weight, and smoothness. You must choose for yourself. Now, then, we draw a circle or an oval about a foot across. It doesn't matter very much as to the exact size. Each player puts a marble into the ring. Then the players stand a short distance aAvay, at " base," and try to hit the marbles in the ring. The first time you try you may not even hit inside the ring. Practice makes efficiency in playing the game. When we come to college we are supposed to put away childish things. However, we can de- rive lessons from even such childish games as marbles. Playing the game of life is similar to playing marbles. Each player must choose the " shooter " which he will use. He must use his judgment as to the kind that will be best adapted to him, that will give the best results. The marbles correspond to the aims and the 23 24* PLAYING MARBLES ideals of life. They are in the ring, and they can be won by the player who can shoot accu- rately. Some persons win many marbles in the game of life ; others finish with one or two, while some never obtain any, though they play hard. Many become discouraged after they miss several times, and they quit trying hard. Others see their friends winning and declare that the game is one of chance. They may explain that a per- son must be a born marble player to win. The marbles may be hit but not knocked out of the ring. So in life we may touch or scratch the surface of those things for which we strive with- out getting far enough ahead to gain a victory. Just one other point, — there are rules in the game of marbles and in the game of life. In marbles " hunching " is not allowed. Various restrictions are placed on the game by the con- sent of the players in order that the game may be fair to all. Various players in this other game have rules that are observed. Violations are not permitted, by common consent. Those who try to " hunch " are punished. REAL COLLEGE SPIRIT There is a lot said and imagined about this particular member of the spirit tribe. It is hard to define. Here are a few things that do not make college spirit : Giving the college yells at every opportunity. They are all right in their place. Wearing the college colors. Striking neck- ties accomplish the same object many times. Talking about the college. Easy to talk and hard to do. Bluffing the professors. It is usually one- sided, the professor being on the right side. Attending all the amusements connected with university life. Many times this does not signify college spirit, but merely a desire to be popular. Here are a few of the things that really do make college spirit of the genuine type : Genuine work, in the classrooms and the laboratories. Due respect for the professors and men under whom you work. Honest work in student activities. A real 25 S6 REAL COLLEGE SPIRIT method of showing possession of the right spirit. Financial support of athletics, the newspaper, and other things that are dependent upon such support for their prosperity. Manly deportment at all times. Social service to one's fellow-students. FALLING IN LOVE (CONFIDENTIAL) Eddie never fell in love — according to his own statement. He admits having fallen from the top of a barn several years before he came to work in the mechanical department of this office. He even tells of other precipitations hardly less dangerous than barn-falling, but he declares that he never fell in love. You have much to learn, Eddie. Would that we, like you, had never fallen into that condition which you so cleverly describe as the " bottom- less pit." And yet we would not have missed the joy, — the indescribable sensation of falling into love! We will tell you about it, friend Eddie. We were in the first year of high school. We were so alphabetically fortunate that we sat directly in front of the girl. Since she will probably never read this, we will whisper through the keys of our typewriter that her name was Rose. A pretty girl, a little girl, with brown eyes and an attractive nose, was Rose. Her hair was dark brown, and her smile was charm- 27 ^8 FALLING IN LOVE ing. We fell in love, Eddie. Not at first sight, understand ! We were far too slow, as it were. On an Indian summer day did we realize that we were in love. We could no more study our first-year algebra lesson than we could fox trot, in those days when fox-trotting was yet undis- covered. Finally we turned around in our seat and leaned our arm on Rose's desk. She told us to turn around, — that she was trying to study, and that the teacher was looking. We answered that we didn't want to turn around. It was true, too. We didn't want to turn around. Persons who are in love never want to turn around, — so we have been told. We didn't turn around, either. Wouldn't that have been cow- ardly — to retreat in confusion simply because we were told to do so ? Faint heart never would have won Rose. Honest, Eddie, faint heart never would ! It didn't last long, Eddie. Rose pounded our elbow with her chubby fist. The teacher saw, and ordered the editorial us of us to come up and sit in the corner with our face toward the wall. She also moved Rose's seat to the other side of the room. Romance was lost in the scuffle, as you are wont to say. Yes, it was a sad ending, Eddie. If only the teacher had been reading a letter from the man she knew in college! But such is the way of the world, Eddie ! THE MOUSE AND THE LION In these days of student government it is in- teresting to note the ingenuity of the various associations in making rules and regulations concerning the actions of undergraduates. The Student-Government Association of one univer- sity has devised a point system that eliminates a student from getting over forty points credit in activities each year. Are such rules needed anywhere? Isn't the situation something similar to that of the mouse and the lion? This fable is different from the lion and the mouse. There was once a mouse, and he was a pros- perous and law-abiding animal. He was going about his business one day and he met a lion. The lion put his paw in front of the mouse and ordered the other to stop. The lion explained that he desired to help the smaller animal in every possible way, and consequently he had decided that he would direct everything that the mouse did. The mouse explained that he was more than paying expenses, and that he didn't need such care. The lion did not believe that an animal so small was in a very prosperous condi- 29 30 THE MOUSE AND THE LION tion. He refused to listen to the pleadings of the mouse and proceeded to restrict and restrain the mouse in every way. The mouse didn't grow larger, as the lion had expected. The opposite result took place. The mouse began to get thinner and thinner. By that time the lion had forgotten all about the mouse. The mouse and the lion are still living, but the mouse is having a hard time of it. Is it worth while for lions to regulate the habits of mice? When the mice become thinner and thinner, isn't it time for the lions to come back and make an efficiency survey of their rules and regulations.'' IMAGINARY CONFESSIONS " Our problems of life are dress and men. Perhaps our third greatest problem is the matter of dates. It might be listed under the general subject of men, but it deserves special attention. We think of dress, men, and dates just about all our spare time. College girls have funny ideas about men. Many girls have lost all perspec- tive concerning them. They think of men as they do of new dresses. They must be had. It doesn't matter especially as to the kind of ma- terial, — just so we can have a sort of back- ground to show us off. Girls without fellows are as flowers without persons to appreciate them. We just want to have a man handy, because that is what is known as popularity. We have to play a continual game of blufF, in a great many ways, in order to keep them coming, but it's all in the game, so we do it." Can you imagine some popular university girl making some such confession ? We confess that heaps of imagination are required for even con- ceiving the possibility of such a thing, and yet — don't a great many girls sort of feel ashamed of themselves at times.? Don't a great many 31 3^ IMAGINARY CONFESSIONS persons get a trifle disgusted at the apparent necessity of leading a fashion-plate existence? We wonder how many girls and fellows hate to dance? We wonder how many girls who are worth a baker's dozen of the insignificant butter- flies feel at times when they get away from the call of the dance orchestra? Don't think that we believe that social activities are not worth while, for that is not correct. Don't think that we are trying to be sarcastic because there are many who enjoy such diversions more than we. We are trying to make shoes that will fit a cer- tain type of girls and men. If the fit is perfect, better take a second thought about such an imaginary confession as we have written. What sort of confession would you like to make, if there were no orthodox persons within hearing distance ? WINGS OF IMAGINATION The bleachers are crowded. It is the after- noon of the Big Six contest. To the north is the North Pole. To the east is China. To the west is China. To the south is the Equator. The track meet is almost over. The crowd is impatiently awaiting the finish of the five-mile cross-country run. There is a cry. A pause, and then a runner comes into sight. He is running desperately. He isn't singing or talking — just running. Nearer and nearer to the finish does he come with each step. His head is thrown far back. With difficulty does he make his weary muscles respond to his will. He knows that he must win. Since he is the only runner in the race, we suppose he will. Let's leave him alone and turn our atten- tion to another scene. This is a fit night for a tragedy. The rain is not over ; in fact, not yet begun. However, it is predicted. The night is comparatively so. A dark form may be seen slinking along the edge of the grass, if our eyesight is in fair condition, if there is a dark form present, and if the grass has an edge. What is that shiny instrument 33 34 WINGS OF IMAGINATION that flashes? Is it a knife? We don't know; do you? Our next hero is Amos Kito. He is swimming in the Olentangy River. To explain: he fell from a convenient bridge. He never swam be- fore, and perhaps never will again. In other words, he cannot swim. Therefore he despairs of ever reaching the shore. The food supply being limited, owing to the lack of bread cast upon the waters, Amos will probably drown. He thinks he will. He has swallowed several gallons of water. He struggles desperately and cries for assistance. He starts to go down for the third time. Down, down, he goes. Then he finds that the stream at that point is only four feet deep. He stands upright and walks ashore. This is an editorial. We are running a race herein against no competition. The only thing that flashes is the metal on our typewriter. The editorial is less deep than the Olentangy. We fell from the bridge of imagination. We prob- ably never will do so again. Is there nothing consoling about this editorial? The answer is — there is something consoling: we have not pointed out a moral. We will not try. Per- haps you can find one — if you are an impres- sionist. THE STARS ARE COMING OUT " You remember the smoke of burning leaves, as in dripping football togs you ran up the graveled path to the gymnasium. You remember the red and green of autumn hills and the crunch of snow beneath your feet. Most of all, you remember the last spring evening, when as seniors you sat singing as the sun faded in the west and the stars came out, until at last it had to come, and, bareheaded, you sang to the Alma Mater. These are memories of little things, but for some reason they refuse to be forgotten." So writes one college graduate in after years. What will your memories be as you sit as seniors in the college of life, as the sun is fading in the west, as the stars are coming out, and — all.? What will you carry away with you from college that will grow dearer with the passing years.? Do you remember the first week of college, as with humble and timid spirits you started along the road that ends in commencement.? Do you remember the happiness that filled your heart when you discovered the " buried treasures " that were in the hearts of your companions, when vou found friends that have remained faithful ^ 35 56 THE STARS ARE COMING OUT and true? Do you remember the tears of joy that came to your eyea at certain evidences of these friendships ? Our eyes are filled with tears just now and a gulping sensation is with us as we try to write these lines. Perhaps you remember even before you are graduated, some certain chum, some certain girl or boy whom you loved and still love. Ah, the joy of it all ! The wonderfulness of life and love and happiness ! " Star-bright, star-bright," — in yonder clear sky, — I wish, I wish that dreams might come true ! Home, sweet home — of the future ! Away in the distance, shining clear, like the coming of a perfect year, is the land where dreams come true. We will carry with us precious memories of our college days, and we will strive to achieve that happiness that comes when dreams come true. TAKING OTHER PEOPLE'S DUST It's human nature to hate to take other people's dust. Your car may be small; it may have a bark like the yipping of a Pomeranian poodle, or it may emit a deep, whiplike crack with each explosion ; it may be geared to take all the grades at express-train speed, or it may climb as though it would fall apart before the top of the incline is reached; but all drivers are similarly affected with the common desire to keep ahead of the car behind. Are you taking some one's dust in college? Is some one passing you right now, — sliding along while you appear to be standing still or in re- verse? What are you doing about the matter? If you cannot take the grades, — which in col- lege is synonymous to getting the grades, — it is time to put yourself into a mental repair garage and go over your engine and transmission thoroughly. Perhaps you have a bad mixture ! That is a common automobile trouble. Too much recrea- tion, side attractions, and idleness destroy the efficiency of your machine. On the other hand, jou may be trying to run on pure gasoline, — 37 38 TAKING OTHER PEOPLE'S DUST continual study with no recreation. Then you may be finding that there is a bad knock some- where which is pulHng down your power. Get the right mixture while you are in college ! Do some experimenting. Find out how you work best, and when. Adjust your carburetor, clean off your sparkplugs, oil up your differen- tial, make an occasional examination of your transmission, and tune yourself up to the best working schedule. Know yourself, if you would wish to be able to travel, if you would keep out of the repair shops. Don't take other people's dust ! The beauty about us is that we have the ability to increase our physical and our brain power as we choose. There is no excuse for letting any one pass, if we get ourselves into proper working order and drive to win. DEUCE AND YOUR AD When a tennis game is at " deuce," the result is uncertain. When it is " your ad," the sky clears somewhat and you begin to think that at last you have found your form. Then it goes back to deuce again, and again several times, and realization comes that the game is hard and the chances for defeat numerous. Instead of your ad, in a few seconds it may be " game " for the opponent. Too many stu- dents, too many lovers, and too many unromantic schemers never get beyond the " ad " score. They never get the game, or the set, or the con- test. Just a glimpse and an incentive to play hard comes to them with the approach of vic- tory, and then chances go glimmering with a badly played ball, a poor stroke, or a bit of bad judgment. The test of the player is shown by the ability to get beyond the ad stage. A miss is as bad when the score is your ad, as though the game went " love " against you. And yet not nearly as bad. It is better far to reach deuce or ad than not to have scored at all. The sun may be in your eyes, the court may be rough, the ball 39 40 I)i:UCK AND YOITR AD may hake Mil iiiioxptctt'd bound and you fail to hv lit lionic when tlu' cutting racktt, of your op- ponent swishes the ball Into the far corner or down the alley. Life is Just one tennis game after anotlier, jush one set of g'ames following another. "^Fhe winner gets Ihe ci-edit. 'Vhc loser is credited with losing, and soon loses even that credit. When one player finishes, another takes Ins place. 'Vhv game of life goes on, with each suc- ceeding set showing more caf)able players, bet- t(>r executed plays. l*lay the game fair and hard, use your brains as well as nuiscles, and be as good a loser as wiiuier. ON THE LEVEL AND ON THE SQUARE " W1k>ii tlie man is on l\\v level and the girl is on the KCjiuire " is n line from a })opiilar song that we like. Ih says so much and it tells the entire story. There is another song entitled " Playing the Game of Love." It contains simi- lar philosophy to that in the saying that " all's fair in love and war." Nothing is fair in love or war ex('ef)ting the rules of fair })lay and scpiare f)laying at all times. We heard a man say recently that he had been a rotter in a greah many ways, but that lie had always played fair with every girl that he had known, and we respected him for it. A fel- low can get a reputation for being slow and out of date easily when he ])lays fair, but he can liave satisfaction that over-balances such a reputation. We don't know anything /d)out girls. After a puzzle has been worked, or solved, is a person interested in it farther? '^I'ear a rose to pieces and the charm is lost. Is it worth while to tear the petals apart in quest of understanding? Isn't it better to appreciate the girl, or the roses, as they are? Tiny Tim's salutation 41 42 ON THE LEVEL might apply equally well to girls. No fellow is so good that he does not become better by as- sociation with the girl who is on the square. If he is on the level, the friendship is mutually beneficial. " HE'S MY PAL " You say you do not know him well? Let me tell you about him. He's my pal, friend, — my chum in whom I believe with all my heart, in whom I have faith that will always be, despite everything. He's the fellow that I would go to at once if I needed help. He's the fellow that would give me his last dollar gladly. A favor? Why, he would do favors for me every day and every hour, and not doubt me, nor think once of the imposition that I might be. He would come now, in the middle of the night, or at any time of day, should I call him. He would tend me if I became sick. He would sit up every night for a week, and thank God for the opportunity to do something for me. He would cut classes when he desired to merit all his work. He would consider it a privilege to answer " not prepared " if it were necessary. He would let his work pile up so that the coming vacation would have to be passed up, were it necessary in order that he might be a friend in need to me. No, you do not know this fellow. He's a true friend to a chap, and the kind of a fellow that 43 44 " HE'S MY PAL " one would do anything for in return. He may be rough, but his sincerity is not bluff. The " breaks " may be against me some of these days, or against him, but I know that he will stick to me and I'll do my best to stick to him, no mat- ter whatever may come. There's a lot of such close friendships in this university, friend, be- tween girl and girl, or fellow and fellow. Some fellows have several such friends, others have only one, but in every case of true " palship " you can count on each party raising the Golden Rule to the nth power. So you see, friend, my pal and I understand each other. FABLE OF THE OYSTER There is a Persian fable about a drop of water that fell from a cloud into the sea. Finding itself in such an immensity of fluid matter, it be- came discouraged. " What an insignificant creature am I in this great ocean," it said. " I am nothing. My existence is of no concern. I am the least of value in the world." It so happened, according to the fable, that an oyster chanced to swallow the drop, which lay hardening in the shell until finally it ripened into a pearl. It was found by a diver and is now highly valued among the people of the world. We confess that it is hard to apply this fable — or fish story. Was it accidental that the drop of water was swallowed by destiny in the shell of an oyster and changed into a valuable gem? We think not. We believe that the only difference between the fortunate and the unfor- tunate is in the degree of prudence, courage, and conduct. Cardinal Richelieu used to say that unfortunate and imprudent were but two words for the same thing. Homer's and Virgil's heroes were not credited 45 46 FABLE OF THE OYSTER with especial bravery. They were said to be favored by the gods, but that was only a figura- tive way of conferring glory upon a person who had sufficient determination in himself to capture golden fleeces or to keep battle-battered ships sailing homeward. After the defeat of the Spanish Armada, the King of Spain attributed the loss of his fleet to the unfortunate winds rather than to the bravery of the English. Fortune favors the side with the heaviest artillery ; notwithstanding, it is un- fortunate only that we cannot all be sufficiently prudent, or fortunate, to be turned into pearls of great price, as was the drop of water. There are many other ways of being of use be- sides turning into pearls, however, and no drop of water that exhibits ordinary prudence can claim to lack opportunity to be of value. Do not lament the scarcity of oysters, or blame it on luck, that you do not find a place of value in the world. UNPRODUCTIVE PRODIGAL SONS Not all prodigal sons get royal welcomes. Most of them get what they deserve, which is a taste of hard work. Many modern prodigals, however, expect their fathers to sell off a fatted calf every time their meal ticket gets punched as full of holes as a Swiss cheese, and they send home a letter. Four years of milk and honey, and the graduate or former student gets the habit of expecting the world to furnish Sunday dinners as a regular menu. When the other son turned in his resolution objecting to the action of the pater in digging deep for the home-coming reception, the father should have noticed the error of his ways and ac- cepted the minority report as basis for a referen- dum. He should have spoken thusly : " You're right, Jim ; I was easy. After this Clarence eats at the second table." For life is realistic, not idealistic, and the paths of prodigals seldom lead to the front doors. Sowing wild oats isn't a financial success. The market is usually found limited to the Sal- vation Army and the municipal lodging houses. When a college student finishes contributing to 47 48 UNPRODUCTIVE PRODIGAL SONS the bright-light fund, he is forgotten and al- lowed to find his own way back to the land of labor. He may stay around and watch from a distance, but unless he gets a job as taxi chauf- feur, he seldom gets in touch with the gay life until he can afford another full-dress outfit. There isn't much consolation in being a has-been at that. There are just two sides, the inside and the outside, to a great many things, including life and included in life. Stay on the inside. If you cannot sow marketable oats, get a job tying sacks or tending door. When some fond par- ent puts you into college, take the word of a brother and make hay while the weather's fair. Do as the village smithy and attempt something toward laying up a supply of salt. The suffer- ing Belgian has a much better chance to reach the parlor than the destitute prodigal. A moral that might be fitting to prospective prodigals is that many fathers believe in the Old Testament proverbs. WE ARE ALL DESPERATE! " Most men live lives of quiet desperation," said Thoreau. All men and all women live lives of desperation, varying in the degree of quiet- ness and of the seriousness of the fear and de- spair currents that swirl and eddy under the surface. We lead one life and we are of another life. Occasionally we get below the surface and expose traits of character, purposes, motives, and ideals that surprise even those friends who have, through their friendships, caught a glimpse of the true self that is in each of us. Examples of quiet desperation? Why, we are all desperate. The classroom is filled with des- perate students. We are desperate, fearing that we will be called upon or not called upon when we think ourselves capable or less capable of an- swering. The professor is desperate. He is trying to teach desperate students. How can he be otherwise.'^ Perhaps it is because so many broad roads run into narrow trails that finally turn up trees as squirrel trails, as Emerson says, that we become desperate continually. We start to travel along the road. The outlook is bright. We hurry 49 60 WE ARE ALL DESPERATE! along. Finally we crawl through the figurative underbrush and find the end of the trail blind. Such is life at times. Perhaps it is that ideals can never be com- pletely realized. Perhaps it is that the posses- sion, the accession of certain desired treasures does not bring the expected happiness. The position toward which we work appears to be hardly worth the means — after we get it. Perhaps it is that we cannot depend upon others to do things that we could not be depended upon to do, although we expect it from our friends. Let's try to cool our desperate spirits with a greater supply of contentment, with a better philosophy of all's-right-in-the-world. Let's have faith, for faith can remove mountains of desperation. Accept what comes today, pre- pare for what comes tomorrow, and have faith that all's well and that all ends well. HE HATED HIMSELF He hated himself. Alone he sat in his room. He was tired of muscle and fagged of brain. His books were pushed aside, and he held his heavy head in his cupped hands as though in desperation at the hardness of even such a task. A frown hung over his face. His teeth were clinched, drawing lines around his mouth. He hated himself. He was looking backward at the life from which he had arrived at the present. He was thinking of the future with discouragement. He had been selfish. He had disregarded right living and proper behaving, and he had de- fended his shortcomings with the excuse of ne- cessity. All are ambitious. He had been standing still toward several of his ambitions, rather than progressing. So he hated himself. He loved success, and he judged himself to be unworthy of attaining success. It wasn't a timely letter from mother, a thought of an old oaken bucket, a chance word of encouragement, or anything visible or audible that put the resolve into his heart. He did re- solve to keep up the fight. He did resolve to be 51 52 HE HATED HIMSELF worthy of the things that life brings to the young man. He had experienced the fear of fail- ure, which is frequently mistaken for failure. He made his resolve and he proceeded to get to work again. He forgot, in the interest of his work, that he might possibly fail. He was again a soldier, marching forward. He thought not of possible retreating. He was no longer a hater of himself. He was a respecter of himself and of his ability. HUMPTY DUMPTY He sat on a wall and he had a great fall. " All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again." Humpty wasn't an egg. He was a college stu- dent. The wall was not a regular wall, but a road that was steep in places and gently sloping at times. The college student wasn't sitting on the wall. He was walking along the road. He had been traveling the road for some twenty-odd years, and he couldn't see his destination. He wasn't alone. The roadway was filled with other young men and young women, and older persons in great numbers. Most of the travelers along this road were walking, but some were only able to crawl. Others trotted and galloped. Humpty Dumpty was right in the midst of the crowd. He had been making fair speed. He had reached a vil- lage along the way which was named University. 'Twas just in the public square of this village that he had his fall. Oh, yes, we forgot to say that our Humpty didn't have one of the great falls. It was just a little fall, and one or two 53 54 HUMPTY DUMPTY of the king's horses and men could have grabbed hold of Humpty and put him back on his feet, but none were around and Humpty kept on roll- ing down the road, away from the direction in which he was headed. We don't know what will happen to Humpty. He is still rolling, and a rolling Humpty gath- ers a lot of dust and dirt. Somewhere along the way a few of the king's men may notice the poor chap and put him together again, so that he can make a fresh start, or he may continue rolling until he rolls off into some slimy gutter. Humpty Dumpty is just a college student, as we are. He didn't expect to take a tumble, but he hadn't been used to traveling in strange dis- tricts. Perhaps it was a banana peel, thrown by some careless traveler, which caused him to slide and go down. There are lots of careless travelers. There are many bad places in the roadbed. There is a need for more men to enlist as king's men and women to help the Humpty Dumpties to get back on their feet again. LIGHTS OF THE CITY What do the lights of a city mean? We tried to answer this question once before in this col- umn. We are going to try again. Every life is a light and every light is a life. Every light is a token of a certain kind of liv- ing, a separate phase of an individual person- ality. There are lights that betoken pleasure and recreation. They blaze ; they glitter with spar- kle and laughing recklessness ; they show a world unreal, for they show a one-sided kind of living and acting. In another section are found per- suasive lights that steal into the mind with al- luring signs, pointing out possibilities of bar- gains. They are the lights of the business section of the city. Steady-burning lights, calm and staring, are seen in another direction. Dance halls and sa- loons are there. The lights are dully, soberly burning where life is being thrown away by handfuls. Here are tenements. Pale are the lights, gloomed with dirty shades that cast a pallor over all. Hopelessness is told. Dis- couraged existence is the rule here. Ideals have been lost. 55 56 LIGHTS OF THE CITY The student lamp burns with promise. Am- bitions burn and glow; youth is about. Genii are the slaves of these lamps ; Aladdin's lamp is duplicated here. Rainbows come down here, each with a pot of gold in reach. The lights of the homes where happiness and joys are, are blessed lights. They reveal fam- ily circles, blessed with the ties that bind. Their beams fall upon children and mothers and fathers. Each light is a tempter. It cries : " Choose." Each person in the city sees every light, and does choose. Tiring of one, each person may change, but no person can serve all masters. Choice must be. What do the lights of the city mean? That man is master of his fate; that there are true gods and false gods ; and that life is what we make it, are partial answers to the question. SUBSTITUTE FOR STUDYING So you are worrying concerning that subject — do not think you will pass? Why not try studying? Well, there's something in that. One should never do what is inconvenient. We would suggest the observance of a few simple rules for the remainder of the semester. Cultivate a hungry appearance while the pro- fessor lectures. Sit in the first row and notice- ably demonstrate your frowning features during the hour. Disagree with discretion only. Tell the professor how interested you are in his branch and ask him at once if it would be pos- sible to get into several of his classes next year. Confer with him as to your future courses early and avoid the rush. Even though he be a laboratory assistant, ad- dress him as professor or doctor. Judiciously request further light upon some part of the term's work, and thank him profusely for clear- ing up the one point that you have been unable to understand. Explain that it is your inten- tion to make his work your major through life. Make your fountain pen operate continuously, even though you fill the pages with verses and 57 58 SUBSTITUTE FOR STUDYING your signature. Ask concerning possible out- side reading, and consult with the professor at least once each week. Read up on the war or any other hobby that is common to professors, and " spring " some- thing each time you purposely meet him about the campus. Appreciate all approaches and re- treats to and from humor with an audible ap- preciation. Agree with him on the advisability of having more strict eligibility rules, and ex- press the opinion that future days will not find you active in activities because you have learned how foolish they are. Fill all examination pa- pers with the English language. In the absence of facts, write fluently. Afterwards explain that you misunderstood what was wanted. Thank the professor at every opportunity. Will you pass.f^ Well, perhaps you will and again — . DERELICTS OF LIFE All do not succeed. In every police court, in every settlement house, in every rescue mission, stories of failures are written, lives of failure are lived. Colleges contribute men and women to this army. Derelicts of former football heroes, social leaders, leaders in business, professional, and educational lines drift in stagnant waters. The breezes that could fill their flapping sails come not, and like the wrecks and hulks of ves- sels once valued, they remain waiting for the final storm that sends them to the bottom. Will you be one of this great army.? You say that you will succeed, and yet you may now be feeding yourself by handfuls into the ever- recruiting undercurrent of failure. We learn by experience and we are frequently destroyed in that obtainment of knowledge. After we have failed in living we can see why we have failed. Wise persons can look ahead and see that they are to fail unless certain habits, certain ideals, are changed. Youth does not think of failure. Old age with failure thinks of the mistakes of youth. The man or woman who looks back upon the 59 60 DERELICTS OF LIFE days when fortune smiled upon them, finds little consolation in the thought that he or she was at one time a man or woman of strength and power and responsibility among men and women. The remembrance of one day when the crowd ap- plauded the hero of the gridiron, is sweet to the failure until the recollection of the then circum- stances sweeps away the memory in a flood of regrets. The eye will brighten and the better self may assert itself for the moment as thoughts of that fleeting instant return, but the wreck of time will not but be sad that succeeding days did not bring added triumphs and greater achievements. So live that when time touches the active hand, you will be found one whose success was lifelong instead of daylong, and it will be said of you that you lived well. BEING HAPPY ALWAYS You are always happy. Why is it? Why not, friend? The man who rules his spirit is greater than the man who wins the world. Troubles are not troubles. They are only re- flections that we see darkly. When we get the brighter viewpoint, we are again happy. Unless a man is sick, he has no excuse for unhappiness. Then it is only an excuse. Optimism is the mother of invention. The pessimist never won a battle. He never con- quered himself. He cannot conquer others. Never weary of work. Weary of being idle. Never yearn for more friends. Befriend more and you will be " friended." Every " lucky " man is happy — but not be- cause he is lucky. Luck comes with happiness. They are never found alone. Sing, and the world is filled with song. Groan, and you are alone in this world. What is the difference be- tween the bark of the dog and the purr of the cat? Let me make some one happy and I care not who says I ever lived in vain. I am happy. I want to make some one else more happy, and I will be happier. All's right except ourselves. When we get right, the world will be perfect. 61 THE WORLD TODAY A wonderful place is the world today. It is trying to express itself, and it is succeeding. The people of the world are realizing that they should have better lives by living better. They are discovering that they have more to say con- cerning their own fortunes than they did a cen- tury ago. They are asserting themselves be- cause they have this new world-spirit convic- tion. The world today is critical everywhere, and contemptuous in places. In some lands it de- mands reform, in others revolt and revolution. Part of the world is at war with deadly instru- ments of destruction. The entire world is at war with corrective instruments of construction. The old order changeth. Man is not estab- lished in idealism. The established order must be remade and remodeled to conform with the new spirit. Civilization is a garment in a world of changing styles and patterns. If it does not fit, we change it. State and church and society are being refashioned. Interrogations are the indices of coming changes. Business and school and government are being rebuilt of better cloth. 62 THE WORLD TODAY 63 All human interests find place in this new world of today. In the process of construction the world of today is not well balanced, but that idealism of proportions is coming rapidly. Public service is the keynote that is bringing about public good in every land and clime. The people are struggling for different relations to the external and the internal. The prophet is coming into his own in his own country. Despite many and important exceptions, all's well with this world of today. HIGHBROWS — BY A LOWBROW Is a highbrow a person with a quail-on-toast gift of gab and a mush-and-milk intellect, a men- tal steeple-jack, or a man who can quote Sartor Resartus, but cannot repair the broken screen door? Collier's is attempting to arrive at a suitable definition of the much-used and ever- abused term. Two hundred and fifteen answers were ob- tained. Among the definitions offered were the following: " One whose academic nature or ap- pearance gives the impression of being conceited and ineffectual ; one cultured who knows it and shows it, the person whose brain has extin- guished his heart, as a vegetable all gone to top ; one who thinks only with his face; one who al- ways knows what he wishes to like, but has never succeeded in liking it, who would read Xeno- phon's ' Anabasis ' at the breakfast table " ; and " one who always thinks he knows, but does not know he seldom thinks." Answers were sent out from forty-one differ- ent states. The above are the ones that were selected as the best obtained. What a worthless list of partial definitions ! We believe we could 64 HIGHBROWS — BY A LOWBROW 65 do better ourselves without half trying. We be- lieve that a highbrow is one who wears mistletoe all the year, who knows a more recent dance, who has a new Ford story, who can open each conversation with a pun, who never shaves before breakfast because he doesn't get up in time for breakfast, who wears silk socks at all times, who eats crackers with a fork, or who " rolls his own " for other than economical reasons. If steamboats require nine feet of water in order to run, a highbrow could navigate easily on a heavy dew. If we could get a negative of the average senior's egotism, we would have a realistic picture of a highbrow. Do give us something harder, editor. DANGER! BUSY MEN! "The danger of busy men is that they will allow each day to be filled with many small details and not hold themselves to any solid large piece of work that shall call forth the largest and best." There is an art to the business of living so that ideals are realized and so that happiness will come with the years. In a college com- munity, as in the outside world, careful thinking is necessary to bring about accomplishments. The proper amount of good-fellowship and activity participation is necessary, but the major work must be along scholastic lines. President King's quotation applies especially to the college student. Mere instinct or acci- dent cannot bring realization of worthy ideals. Reflective action is fundamental. Do you know why many students neglect their studies.? One of the greatest reasons is because the students endeavor to " stand in " with the bunch, and be good fellows. They want to be the right sort to take part in social life, and they are flexible to persuasion. They go more than half way, instead of stopping at the happy medium. Just about as true a statement as is contained 66 DANGER! BUSY MEN! 67 in philosophy is that " life is what we make it." Reaching for the moon is considered childish, as something that should not be in mature life, and yet we question but that it has value. Certainly the striving to attain high ideals, some of which are about as far away from realization as the moon, is of great value. Every student should have a unity in his plan of life. He should be working toward the achievement of a " solid, large piece of work," and he should avoid the temptations of attractive details that will detract from the value of the large work. In the university the danger is that students will forget their real life work, to better achieve which they have come to college, and wander down the byways offered by activities and social life. They will fill their days with supplements and avoid the fundamental. Keep thinking about what you intend to do after you gradu- ate ! Work toward your life work continually. If you haven't selected any, think hard and choose wisely ! FABLE OF THE EMPTY WAGON There was once a coed who had the impression that she was just about the last word in refine- ment and class. She believed that the royal road for her was the highway of social achieve- ment. She didn't live in the Hall, and she pro- fessed ignorance of any 10:30 rules. In fact, she liked to boast of her after-the-theater cha- fing-dish parties. As a chafing-dish cook she did have a good supply of talent. She could also manipulate the rag pedal on her Steinway so that the syncopation naturally kept the neighbors within voting distance cognisant that she had com- pany. Her best stock in trade was a complete assort- ment of new dancing steps. Vernon Castle just beat her to the fox trot, and New York society could learn a lot of new stuff if they could watch this girl. This same coed was much rushed, as we have intimated. The third visit was Waterloo for each of the rah-rah boys who fell for her. The third time lost the charm. She only had one record and that was not nearly so attractive 68 FABLE OF THE EMPTY WAGON 69 after it was repeated three times. Usually the boys gave her the benefit of the doubt the second time and blamed it all on carelessness. The third time that the chatter started they tried to get her to say something different, and found that nobody was home upstairs. They went away disgusted with themselves. Also they never came back ; and therein lies the moral. As soon as an empty wagon comes round the corner, few are there who cannot tell that it is empty. OBSERVING NATURE How many wings has an ordinary fly? Why do white sheep eat more than black sheep ? How many legs has a spider? In walking, what is the relation between the swinging of your arms and the moving of your feet? How many toes has a chicken, a pig, and a dog? In which end of the bee is the sting? Does a cow, in rising to a standing position, get up on her hind legs or her front legs first? Which does the horse? How many joints in your great toe? Such questions as these were asked one hun- dred and fifty students in a zoology class recently, and the correct answers were few and far between. Perhaps you may question the value of knowledge of the answers to these ques- tions, but at least you will agree that the culti- vation of your powers of observation would be worth while. A column of such questions could be inserted here without difficulty in obtaining ones that would baffle most of the students of the university. Why do white sheep eat more than black sheep? We wish we knew, because there must be some important reason that would, perhaps, 70 OBSERVING NATURE 71 give us a clew to the reason why certain students succeed and others fail, why some professors are liked and others disliked, and a lot of other ques- tions that should be subjects of thought. They that have eyes — you know the rest of the commandment. MERE PRETENDERS Among the many in a university are the pre- tenders. They do more than bluff. They wage a campaign in the interest of making a good false impression on the instructors. In class and out, they adopt a smooth, hypocritical behavior, designed to draw the attention of the instructors to their eagerness to learn. They are sancti- monious, and they think they are cleverly de- ceiving everyone. So does the ostrich, we are told, when he hides his head in the sand. When we were back in number three we used to call certain students " teachers' pets." They brought apples and wild-flowers to the teacher. The students who were not " pets " considered the methods used in direct violation of the pro- prieties. Verbal bouquets take the place of the spring beauties in the fashions of university life. Sitting in the front seats has not been sup- planted, and flattery is changed only as to the wording thereof. Bluffing is another part of the system. Ask- ing clever questions that are supposed to show an interest where absent, requesting outside reading in excess of the work given, explaining 72 MERE PRETENDERS 73 why an examination was not meritorious, and furnishing alibis for every failure, are included in the ethics and manners of the pretenders. There are only a few of them, at that. Usu- ally the persons wake up to the folly of pretend- ing. At best, pretending is only a crutch, and a crutch helps the weak but cannot conceal the weakness. The pretender does not deceive others — he deceives himself. CURE FOR DISCOURAGEMENT Scattered through the student body now are individuals who are up against a solid wall of what they think to be the impossible. The more they study, the less their studies seem to mean to them, and they have begun to doubt and dis- trust their own ability. These discouraged ones had dreamed of col- lege life. Their concepts were of friendships galore, a social program unceasing, a busy ac- tivity among college interests, with studies tak- ing a pleasant place in the background. They may now be first-year students, who have com- paratively early discovered that the professors have a sort of Jack Frost attitude toward the hot-house variety of students who are unable to withstand the approach of the mid-terms that come when the " frost is on the pumpkin." Or they may have survived several winters, until their vitality has gradually weakened, and they see no hope of staying in school longer than this semester. The professors appear to have mapped out a course of study that threatens their every waking hour and terrifies them com- pletely. Friends and outside interests have been 74 CURE FOR DISCOURAGEMENT 75 lost in the whirl, and the victims are going down for the third time. When a young college person who should be normally happy and healthy gets into such a rutty condition that his studies are all muddled so that he cannot see the " stars shine through his cypress trees," it is certainly time that he should begin to take stock of himself and to examine himself and his methods. Stop a bit, quit making scared motions and terrorized dodg- ings from one class ordeal to another, stand off from the crowd, take a good look at your- self, and map out a different course of action. Do not give up, as long as you have any desire to keep any foothold on the ladder of success. Hang on until you are able to get a glimpse up- ward, and then start all over to climb. If you have been reading vast amounts of literature without getting anything from it, change your methods. Skin through it, outline it, brief it, summarize it, or even commit it — just so you change your ways and get started into some channel that leads somewhere, instead of in a circle. Being discouraged is a condition that we all have experienced and will experience. You are not the only person who has attacks of the " blues." You are not the sole person who believes that he or she is " up against it." In a week, or a month, or even a few days, you may be wondering why it was possible for you to 76 CURE FOR DISCOURAGEMENT have thought that the outlook was bad. Get started right, and then let in the clutch, shove yourself into high gear, and keep your hand on the wheel. Keep out of any new ruts that you may encounter and guide yourself straight through college into some life work that is worth while. CLOISTERED CULTURE A difference there is between the somewhat artificially constructed standards that we follow in the cultured halls of college and the more practical point of view that belongs to the world of the butchers, the bakers, and the candlestick makers. Too often after we go through college we fol- low borrowed standards that represent the cul- ture of a few rather than the culture of the crowd. Ofttimes, but not always, the culture of the few is apt to be like the critic's appreciation of art — it does not touch the sympathies of the crowd. When we follow the lead of borrowed standards and do not endeavor to keep our feet on the ground, we go stepping about with our heads in the clouds and do not keep in touch with real life. We often judge art and literature, music and religion by what people of a certain type say about them, without trying to make up our minds independently or using our abilities to interpret the things that make up life. We form an esti- mation of a show after we read the report of the dramatic critic. We like a certain opera singer 77 78 CLOISTERED CULTURE because her press agent considers that she is better than her competitors, and we do not try to appreciate her or her merits. Not that we should not give proper considera- tion to those who are in position to judge, or to understand better as a result of wide ex- perience and long study. We should not try to steer our ships along uncharted seas and en- deavor to keep away from other kindred sails, but neither should we always follow the courses laid out by pilots who have sailed only on the calm seas of culture, for we will miss many of the experiences that come to those who steer where sail the craft of everyday life. COLLEGE MEN'S ENGLISH Few college courses can be measured in dollars and sense, or rather cents, in the way that we can measure the value of English. The ability to use and write clear, concise language is uncom- mon, when it should be universal among college graduates. " Am university graduate, 23 years old, will- ing to accept a fair salary and work up. Hope you can see me for that job of yours," is not unusual as a sample of the sort of language and the style of writing that our graduates use. While it is hard to tell which college sends out the most horrible examples of contortionists of English as " she is spoke," it is certain that the students of such a college as engineering should endeavor to learn how to write a fair letter or to make a report that could be understood by some- one other than a college man addicted to the same code of words. We hardly think that the habit of leaving out pronouns, as in the above example, is due to a desire to avoid egotism, and it is really frowned upon by anyone who has any understanding of the value of pronouns in connected discourse. 79 80 COLLEGE MEN'S ENGLISH A knowledge of English and the ability to use it means that a person enters his profession without a disadvantage similar to that of foreigners who cannot speak our language. Talk about teaching English to foreigners — how about teaching English to Americans? If you are an engineer, and you complete an im- portant work, upon which you have to report something as follows, " She's all done, concrete according to specifications, ironwork as per blue prints, etc., hope it is O. K. Yours," — because you do not know how to prepare what you have to say in complete sentences, you need to go back to college and study again. A well-written let- ter that tells what you wish to say and leaves the impression that you desire is necessary if you do not wish to misrepresent yourself in your absence. So, while engineering teachers deplore the inability of engineers to handle words ac- cording to the dictates of grammar, and while the courses at present omit proper attention to such an important side of their instruction, stu- dents who hope to make some sort of an upward rise in the engineering profession should en- deavor to correct their present English deficien- cies. BEING SO FUNNY Ever notice those pseudo-humorous students who breeze in and out, tossing around sentences and phrases of cheap wit that pass for humor, but are really silly? When a person makes a statement, the " funny " man takes it up, and makes it the excuse for chatter that would make a blue jay's conversation sound like one of Bacon's essays. It isn't that the few people mentioned are bores that we make mention of the character- istics, but that when such a person continues being " funny," he gets a reputation that is hard to overcome. He is thought of as being quite a joke, and nothing that he can say in a serious tone will be taken seriously. Be careful about your use of cheap puns and slang. Frequent jests and an " infinite deal of nothing" get one into a habit that is hard to break. He finds that he cannot ask a question in class without bringing into play a lot of slang. His fellow-students never expect him to say any- thing worth while, because they expect only that he will " pull something." 81 CHERRY PIES AND LIFE Life is like a cherry pie. Life includes every- thing that we know anything about, so that we can liken everything to a cherry pie or to the cherry-pie-output of the ages. Cherry pies are primarily good. Put a generous portion before us and a fork in our right hand, and we will enjoy ourselves. Let us start at the apex of a wedge. Timidly at first we sever a minute portion and taste of it gin- gerly. 'Tis delightfully edible. The second bite and the third emphasize our first impres- sions. Cherry pie is inspiring. For shame, ye bards of ages gone, that ye did neglect so ideal a subject upon which to base your masterpieces. A lock of hair, a rose, or an ankle so neat, — how can such subjects be chosen when here is a piece of cherry pie before us.? Cherry pies are not perfect, however, as your second thought will show. There are seeds in all properly prepared cherry pies. We have no interest in seeded cherries, at least in our solil- oquy. We intend to draw a comparison between cherry pie and life, and seeded cherries would interfere. Seeded cherries are designed only to be compared to Utopia. 82 CHERRY PIES AND LIFE 83 Life is not perfect. There are imperfections, just as there are seeds in our pie. There is usually burnt crust on cherry pies also. Life usually has some burnt crust to spoil our en- joyment and we eat of it and regret. If there were no seeds nor burnt crust in life, we would, instead of should, all be as happy as kings, figuratively speaking. We must admit that life and cherry pie are both good. Let us enjoy both in the fullest sense, and after we have eaten some of our por- tions, let us not complain because of the presence of the seeds or the crust that is blackened. " Some days must be dark and dreary " is the lesson that might have been expressed even more truly had the poet pointed out that " some bites must contain seeds and burnt crust." GROWING UP There is a penalty attached to growing up, as well as a recompense. Even though our years lack a few of the quarter-century mark, we find, with the things that are now easier to do, a number of things harder to do. It's harder to think the truth about ourselves. It's harder to keep from realizing extravagantly our importance in the scheme of things. It's harder for us to be honestly what we are, at a stage in our lives when the tendency is to pretend to be more than we are. If you are rough, be rough, and you will be liked. If you are an intellectual genius, be that, and you will get due deference and respect. It is the chap or the girl that isn't anything con- sistently, but who can be anything seemingly, that should earn our suspicion. If you like to read poetry, don't be ashamed of it. If you write poetry, do not cover it with a mighty scorn. No one will love you less — if you are your true self in doing it. You feel a secret joy in the things that you can do and the matters that you like to work out. Do them, and work hard at them, and you will succeed in gaining the respect of your fellows. 84 GROWING UP 85 We often try to appear even more grown up than we are, and we fail to impress people by so doing. If you like students who are not gener- ally liked, do not apologize for them. Be square and honest yourself in all your relations. We are growing up rapidly at college. A month adds more to our mental stature than a year means to many who do not get their educa- tion in a university. We are casting away the childish things on all sides. Perhaps we are tossing by with them some things that are not childish. We may be throwing anchors over- board that will be needed when the first storm comes. Be careful what you discard. PERSPIRATION AND INSPIRATION During the Christmas holidays we read several of the latest *' best sellers " — from the which act, as we might cleverly remark, we derive fur- ther proof that most of the so-called inspiration is merely perspiration. The person who writes the present popular fiction book is surely not deeply inspired. The hero acts in the usual bromidic manner. He becomes deadly pale, squares his shoulders, looks the villain as nearly square in the eyes as is permitted by the second party, hits said vil- lain square from the shoulder, and kisses ten- derly in the last chapter. He still converses in the following happy vein : " Take that," " I am innocent," " Do your worst ; I defy you." The villain sneers every few paragraphs, stalks instead of walks, and sardonically tells the officer to do his duty when the papers are dis- covered. He stands aghast, declares that it is false, and uses an oath whenever the action needs a tonic. The heroine smiles sweetly and sobs bitterly under various conditions. She whispers chok- ingly and murmurs pleadingly as of yore. Her 86 PERSPIRATION, INSPIRATION 87 farewells are fairly well written, and she still flings herself into his arms before the assembled company. Her father snorts, shouts, flushes, fumes, refuses, and suppresses as the author steers the way through the scenes and scenery. The siren still holds the copyright on all lolling, gloating, curling, and gliding, as well as several standard phrases. The detective comes up to our expectations now as in the time of Poe and Maupassant. He sits sphinx-like, knits his brow, peers keenly, speaks calmly, and yawns in a bored fashion, while every one else is head over heels in excite- ment. Really, he's clever, you know. The cap, the cane, and the magnifying glass, and a handy clue and trail is the remainder of his stock in trade. Of course, to all these charac- ters you must add some phase of a social evil to furnish the bite to it all, but surely that is not hard. Where is the inspiration needed.? TEN LITTLE INDIANS Ten little, nine little, eight little Indians; Seven little, six little, five little Indians; Four little, three little, two little Indians; One little Indian boy. Our " kid " brother sings a song about ten little Indians and their gradual elimination until but one little Indian is left. We never saw ten little Indians sitting in a row, but we can imagine just how they would appear. We can imagine one chubby chap falling off backwards, leaving nine, and so on, until nine had disap- peared. We can imagine ten little Indians com- ing to college as freshmen, and we can see them in fancy dropping out of the row until just two or three, or perhaps only one, remain to get a diploma. It isn't hard to imagine that, for truth is just as accurate as fiction. Ten little freshmen were sitting in the front row of a class last September. Perhaps each was determined that he would remain in that row through four years. Now there are two vacant seats every day and several others are irregu- larly filled. We asked our little brother one day what hap- 88 TEN LITTLE INDIANS 89 pened to the nine Indians that departed in his song. He didn't know. We will never find out why there are two vacant seats in the front row of the class just described, but we can guess and so can you. Life is a spelling bee, or each day of life is a spelling contest in itself. All honor to the Indian who survives the elimination test. Which Indian will you be? THROUGH THE AGES, ROUND THE WORLD Must a man be a master musician to fly away out of, into ? What a fallacy ! Come — a trip into fancy-land with us on the flat-wheeled bark that we know as a typewriter. Back into the eighteenth century will we go, forgetting the punching and the thumping of the unmusical keys as we leave through the open window, out into the night, back through the years. Look into that room — soft-lighted with sober candles, and filled with treasures of the past. There are powder puffs and fans, sedan chairs and patches. On through the night we go. There are woodlands tingling with night noises. Hark ! a brook is singing along its brambly way. The country-side is beautiful, whether we find it mellowed with the soft luster of Indian summer, gay with the laugh of spring- time flowers, fierce with the fury of wintry storms, or quiet with the sombre harvest attire of late autumn. Let's look for lovers rather than sorrow-filled actors. Forget the misery and the crime. We are in search of ladies lovely, who have waited 90 THROUGH THE AGES 91 in the lingering twilight. Minuets and pow- dered wigs do we find back in the quiet of fancy- land. Or we enter the coffee houses, where life and strife and good-fellowship do abound. We glimpse the highway man, or we visit a play. Ah, the delicate mignonette and the quivering voice of the magic bow that tells what lips cannot. Sail the Spanish Main with us. Yo ho, hearties. Ocean wild — what care we — gen- tlemen of adventure as we are. Lower the miz- zenmast — be there such a thing. If not, reef the top-sails and fling wild the halyards, for we ride before the gale. Here we are at China- town. Screens, swarming with golden dragons, more fans, tea with magic brewed. But quickly back must we — to our third-floor room and the thumping typewriter. We are shivering. We disembark, and as it is time, we take passage to another fair land — that ruled by the sand man. THE COLLEGE MAN As long as the popular idea of a college man is the same conception as is commonly found in the magazine clothing advertisements, there will be a number of freshmen who will have to re- model their views regarding the college man and the college life. The " college man " who is pic- tured languidly gazing into the entrancing eyes of a seashore fairy or a chocolate-nibbling coed is seldom seen on or off the stage. Mandolins, bull pups, gigantic briar pipes and six-cylinder cars are scenic effects seldom used in real college life. College is not a comedy entitled " Mother and Father Pay All the Bills While We Have All the Fun." Clothing dummies have a habit of disap- pearing at college soon after the exit of the straw hats. The sifting committee of the faculty works without considering the size of dad's bank-roll or the cut of the tartan plaid. The label within the head is more importance than the tailor's trade mark on the coat. Even a high school record is about as useless on a campus as a cancelled check. Few people pros- per when they try to live on alibis. Talk and 92 THE COLLEGE MAN 93 act in the present tense. Don't try to imitate the " dummy " college chap — be the real type ! Get into the swing of things ; don't take a month to become acclimated. Remember that the real reason why you can stay at college is because you can work and work hard. When you be- come a real college man, you will cease to envy the clothes-horse type. I WISH I WERE HOME I wish I were home, for I'm lonely. A lump's in my throat and it chokes. I want to go home, to be only This day on the farm with the folks. Does this bit of verse awaken in you that trait common to everyone — homesickness? When you sit in the clatter of dishes, when you sheep- ishly pick up a portion of this vegetable and a section of that pie, when you glance over a greasy menu and tell the waiter that you are least antagonistic to " roast beef," do you oc- casionally think of the comparison between here and home? It may not be back to a farm that your thoughts travel, it may be to a home of yesteryear that is no more ; but it's real to you, and you can look across the days or years and see the old scenes, live again the yesterdays rich in memories. Cheer up ! This is not an editorial with in- tent to create homesickness or lonesomeness. It's just a rambling discourse suggested by a few stray thoughts. While we are about it, however, it might be well to moralize long enough 94 I WISH I WERE HOME 95 to say that homesickness and loneliness are signs that we are still quite human, even though we are college students. We're not going to quit just because there is a place back home that we would like to see just now, or because there are folks back there who would like to see us. On the contrary, we are going to say, just " for a' that." " IN A FRIENDLY SORT O' WAY " When a man ain't got a cent, and he's feeling kind o' blue. An' the clouds hang dark an' heavy and won't let the sunshine through, It's a great thing, O my brethren, for a feller just to lay His hand upon your shoulder in a friendly sort o' way. Riley. Lots o' fellers here at college get to feelin' just as blue ; Work piles up; they get discouraged till they don't know what to do ; Tell you, boys, it's up to us to have a word or two to say To the chaps that get discouraged — in a friendly sort o' way. Anyone ever act in a friendly sort of way when you needed a friend? Certainly someone has, for that's the sort of thing that happens in this world of ours. There's a lot of friendliness scattered round about, and you have bumped into your share, no doubt. Have you helped 96 IN A FRIENDLY WAY 97 along, though? Does someone here on the campus look at you when you pass along and say to himself: "There's a fellow that's a friend of mine "? What does it matter that he says that you are a football player, or a senior, or gives you any other distinction, if he cannot say that you are the right sort of fellow? It's like gaining the world and losing your health. We heard an incident the other day that made us change our ideas about a fellow here at col- lege. This chap has always been a sort of grouch, not particularly interested in the school, or in activities. We found that he had been tutoring a freshman who was about to drop out of school, and pulling him through. These things happen, you know, even though you may not see them from your automobile or in the sets you run with. This senior had acted in a " friendly sort o' way " that Riley speaks of, and he has made a true friend of a youngster that needed a friend. Here's to the man that did it, and here's to the youngster that was helped. He knows what friendliness means and he will do the same thing some of these days. BALLAST AND CARGO Years ago ships were accustomed to carry great weights of ballast. Much more energy was expended in carrying these heavy stones from port to port than the stones were worth. After years of this useless device for enabling ships to sail, the owners started to carry cargoes rather than ballast. The same machinery that lowers the cargo into the hold is able to lift it out. Many a college student is carrying ballast instead of a cargo on his voyage through school. He stores his brain with a vast amount of ma- terial, and he is planning to hold on to this material through the voyage of life. Probably it is material that he could hardly unload easily if he desired. To continue the simile a little farther at this point, it is good council to urge students to sort over their cargoes occasionally, and to determine just what they have on board. Cargoes have a habit of becoming mildewed and of little use long before the proper port is reached. There may be exceptional cases where there is no need for some sort of rigging that will enable 98 BALLAST AND CARGO 99 the cargo to be unloaded easily. If the cargo is exceptionally valuable, the people might be will- ing to come to the wharf and gladly assist, but in these days of competition it is best that one should be able to give out his knowledge rapidly. He should be able to express himself easily, and to say what he means, for then he will have a better chance of getting full market price for his knowledge. Before we hopelessly muddle the simile, let us urge you, fellow skippers, to load your brains with useful knowledge that you can use from day to day. Mend your speech so that you can ex- plain something without climbing all around the furniture. Go over your cargoes occasionally and see what you have of value and what is use- less. Keep your invoices up to date also. REFLECTIONS Where is the best place for reflections? Be- fore a glowing fireplace, when the flames have ceased to leap and the ruddy embers draw the shadows close ; atop a load of hay, where you, a boy with freckled face and happy heart, may have gazed at the sky and wondered, while timothy stalks tickled the back of your neck ; in a canoe, drifting and trembling with each chance twist of the current ; by a campfire, with the night noises about and the moonlight playing its beams through the trees, and the fairies of fancy dancing in the outer ring of the firelight as the red coals turned gray ; — or where ? Do you like to sit and dream? Do you re- member, once upon a time, when you and I were much younger, of your daydreams and your hopes and longings ? Perhaps you sat before a wood fire in the evening. Your storybook was finished and you should have long since been in bed. And as you gazed into the flickering flames that warmingly spluttered, you saw the swarthy visages of pirates that sailed the Spanish Main. You saw Robin Hood as he twanged his bow, and the knights of the Round 100 REFLECTIONS 101 Table as they fared forth, as have you and I since then, to match swords with the world. You could see Ben Hur, perhaps, as he came down the rounded course for the last time in his race with the Greek Messala, and you trembled and shuddered when the wheels of the chariots caught and the horses and men went down to- gether. The dreams of boyhood and girlhood, and the memories of those days, are precious to us when we take time to stop and think. Since then we have wandered far from the hopes and ideals of the lad or girl with the storybook. Some people think that we should forget boyhood and girl- hood dreams and illusions. Have we.^^ Are our dreams and our ambitions childish things, that should be put away? It is the dreamer and the thinker, the man who takes time to reflect, the man who can see the idealistic when the realistic is evil, who will live to achieve victories such as we did dream of before the fireplace, after the storybook was finished.