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 The Fascinating 
 
 Fanny Brown 
 
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The Fascinating: 
 Fanny Brown 
 
 A Farce in Two Acts 
 
 BY 
 
 HELEN F. BAGG 
 
 Author of "WHY NOT JIM?" "WHISKERS, 
 "THAT BLONDE PERSON," etc. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA 
 
 THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 
 
 I9I2 
 
i 
 
 .^1 
 
 :&\^' 
 
 Copyright 1912 by The Penn Publishing Company 
 
 The Fascinating Fanny Brown. 
 
 TMP92-008606 
 ©CID 31684 
 
The Fascinating Fanny Brown 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 Percival Gale . who keeps a summer hotel, ^^Idlewildy 
 
 Billy Pearson the only man at the hotel. 
 
 Henry Dudley a college sopho?nore. 
 
 Mrs. Caldwell, 
 Audrey Caldwell, 
 Dorothy Dudley, 
 Florence Howe. 
 
 Mrs. Moffett a neighboring cottager. 
 
 Martha • a servant. 
 
 Scene. — The living-room of Percival's summer hotel, 
 '•Idlevvild." 
 
 Time of Playing. — One hour and a half. 
 
 guests at ^^Idlewild.^* 
 
 STORY OF THE PLAY 
 
 Percival and Billy are wooing Dorothy Dudley and Flor- 
 ence Howe. To make Dorothy jealous Billy writes love 
 letters to a pretended "Fanny Brown." Dorothy accepts 
 Billy, but discovers his plot, and plans to punish him. 
 When her brother Henry arrives unexpectedly she dresses 
 him as a girl, and introduces him as *' Fanny Brown." 
 Billy and Percival are worried. A nervous guest, Mrs. 
 Moffelt, thinks Henry is a traveling hypnotist who has an- 
 noyed her. Billy and Audrey discover who Henry really 
 is, and tie him up, insisting he is the hypnotist. After a 
 ftmny scene of a dog fight under pretended hypnotic in- 
 fluence Henry is released, and the girls forgive their lovers. 
 
COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS 
 
 Percival and Billy. About twenty-five. Act I, while 
 flannel trousers and summer shirts. Act II, evening dress, 
 or blue coats, white trousers, and pumps. 
 
 Henry. About twenty-one. On first entrance wears blue 
 serge suit, rather dusty about bottom of trousers, low shoes, 
 also dusty, straw hat, and carries two suit-cases. Dressed 
 afterward as a girl, in light summer dress, white shoes and 
 stockings, blond wig, large white hat. At end of Act II 
 resumes serge suit. The part should be played by a light- 
 haired man, if possible. 
 
 Mrs. Caldwell. A motherly, middle-aged woman. 
 Wears light summer dress. At last appearance, Act II, wears 
 kimono, and has hair in curlers. 
 
 Audrey. About seventeen. In Act I wears ''middy 
 blouse" and blue skirt. In Act II, first entrance, wears 
 white evening dress; at second entrance, bath robe and 
 slippers. 
 
 Dorothy and Florence. Pretty girls in their early 
 twenties. They wear light summer dresses in Act I, and 
 evening dress in Act II. In last part of Act II Florence 
 wears kimono. 
 
 Mrs. Moffett. A young married woman, rather nervous 
 in manner. At entrance, Act I, wears summer dress, covered 
 with long tan coat, and hat with streaming veil. At first 
 entrance, Act II, wears evening dress. At last entrance, Act 
 II, wears kimono and a neat litde boudoir cap. 
 
 Martha. A heavy-looking country girl, dressed simply. 
 At last entrance, Act II, wears a long coat. 
 
PROPERTIES 
 
 For Mrs. Caldwell : Magazine, pair of folded trousers. 
 
 For Dorothy : Sewing materials, packet of letters, hand- 
 kerciiief. 
 
 For Florence : Embroidery, handkerchief, leather writ- 
 ing case. 
 
 For Audrey : Chafing-dish containing fudge, plate, 
 spoon, suit-case, pins, lighted candle. 
 
 For Mrs. Moffett : Bunch of letters, newspapers, suit- 
 case, dinner-bell, poker. 
 
 For Martha : Pitcher. 
 
 For Billy : Cigarettes, matches, book, cushions. 
 
 For Henry : Two suit-cases, dollar bill, handkerchief, 
 cigarette. 
 
 For Percival : Two hand-bags, packages, lamp. 
 
 SCENE PLOT 
 
 INTERIOR BACKING 
 
 OOOR 
 
 SCENE.— The living-room at ''Idlewild." A wide 
 doorway with portieres, up c; door r., to verandah ; door 
 l., to bedroom. Sofa, chair, and pile of cushions down R. 
 Table and chairs dovvn l. Desk and chair up L. Other 
 chairs as indicated. Lamp, newspapers, and magazines on 
 table. All furniture light and <' summery." Portieres 
 have cords, easily removed. 
 
The Fascinating Fanny Brown 
 
 ACT I 
 
 SCENE. — The living-room of a small summer resort hotel, 
 ^' Idlewild,'" which is managed ^^y Percival Gale. At 
 C. a wide doorway ivith portieres, leadi?ig into a corridor. 
 At R. a door leading to the verandah. At L. a door lead- 
 ing to a bedroom. A table littered with newspapers and 
 magazines doivn L., a?id several easy-chairs scattered about 
 the room. A sofa at r. 
 
 {As the curtain rises, four ladies are seated in the room. 
 Mrs. Caldwell is seated in an easy-chair reading aloud 
 from a magazine. Dorothy Dudley and Florence 
 Howe are sewing ; Dorothy seated on a pile of cushions 
 at R., Florence 07i the sofa. Audrey Caldwell is 
 cooking ^^ fudge'' on a chafing-dish at the table.) 
 
 Mrs. C. {reading). ** Richard drew his knife and braced 
 himself for the onslaught. On came the furious Russian, 
 with murder in his eyes." To be continued in the August 
 number. {She puts down the magazine.) 
 
 Ff.ORENCE. Oh ! How disgusting ! And we shan't know 
 for a whole month whether he's killed or not ! 
 
 Audrey {scornfully). AVell, I guess they're not going 
 to kill him off in August when the story has to run till 
 December ! What I want to know is whether Clara is 
 going to marry him or not. She's the worst flirt I ever met, 
 except Dorothy Dudley. 
 
 Mrs. C. {reprovins^ly). Audrey, don't be rude. 
 
 Dorothy {serenely). Oh, she isn't hurting my feelings, 
 Mrs. Caldwell. I know I'm a flirt. 
 
 Florence. You can't help it, can you, dear? 
 
 Dorothy. Of course I can ; I do it from a sense of 
 duty. 
 
 Mrs. C. a sense of duty ! 
 
 Dorothy. Of course. Every tentji girl ought to be a 
 
 7 
 
8 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 desperate flirt. It's the only way to get even with the male 
 sex for the way they play fast and loose with the hearts of 
 the other nine. Incidentally, I rather like doing it. 
 
 Mrs. C. Well, for ideas, give me the young woman of 
 to-day ! 
 
 Audrey. I think I'll be a tenth girl, too. I never 
 thought of it in that way before. 
 
 Mrs. C. You'll do nothing of the sort. You'll go back 
 to your boarding-school next month and try to get out of 
 your head some of the nonsense this summer lias put into it. 
 That's what you'll do. 
 
 Audrey {jneekly). Yes, mother. {To Dorothy.) I 
 don't think that you picked out a very good place to work 
 out your theories in. A summer resort with only one man ! 
 
 Florence. Two men. Mr. Gale certainly deserves to 
 be mentioned, even if he does run the hotel. 
 
 Audrey. Oh, well, he's no good for Dorothy; he never 
 looks at anybody but you. 
 
 Mrs. C. Audrey ! 
 
 Audrey. Well, he doesn't. He makes me tired. If it 
 wasn't for Billy Pearson 
 
 Dorothy. I had to come here or stay in the city all 
 summer. Henry's college exj)enses liave been so heavy this 
 year that father said he simply couldn't afford a more ex- 
 pensive place. However, I'm having a very nice summer. 
 
 Florence. And you've nearly driven poor Billy Pearson 
 out of his head. Every time the boys from town come out 
 liere for a dance he nearly has a fit, he's so jealous. 
 
 Mrs. C. {jumping up). Mercy, I forgot that 1 promised 
 Mr. Gale to show Martha how to make the punch for the 
 dance to-night ! I must go right away and find her. 
 
 Audrey {poitrin^ the candy out on a plate, putting spoon 
 in her fnouth). Tell her not to be so tight with the cherries, 
 mf)ther dear. She put in only seven last time. (Exit 
 Mrs. C., at c. Audrey carries the plate out at door r. 
 and returns.) Why, here comes Mrs. Moffett. She must 
 have been to Pemberton. She has the mail. 
 
 Dorothy. Oh ! 
 {She scrarnh/e^ to her feet. Florence puts dnvn her work. 
 
 Mrs. Moffett enters r., carrying the mqiL The three 
 
 girls all run to her.) 
 
 All Three. Oh, did I get anything? 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 9 
 
 Mrs. M. {ciiwipiii^ everything on the table), I don't 
 know. Help yourselves. 
 
 {TJicy all rummage wildly, each finding something for her- 
 self. Mrs. M. sinks into a chair and fans herself with 
 a neivspaper.) 
 
 Dorothy {glancing through her letter). Oh, girls, what 
 do you think ? My brother Henry's coming ! 
 
 Audrey. ) ,,., ^ 
 
 Florence. | ^^'^<=" ' 
 
 Dorothy. Either to-day or to-morrow. Oh, wouldn't 
 it be splendid if he'd come in time for the dance to-night? 
 
 Audrey. How old is he ? 
 
 Dorothy. Twenty-one. 
 
 Audrey (with a sigh). Glorious ! 
 
 Dorothy. 1 must see Mr. Gale right away and secure 
 that room for him. {Nods to door l. Starts to go.) 
 
 Mrs. M. I was thinking of asking for that room myself. 
 
 Florence. You? What's the matter with the cottage? 
 
 Mrs. M. {inysterionsly). Girls, I don't dare stay in the 
 cottage. I've had a horrid adventure. I've just been tell- 
 ing Mr. Pearson about it. 
 
 Girls. Oh, Mrs. Moffett, what do you mean? 
 
 Mrs. M. Have you heard what happened yesterday at 
 Pemberton ? 
 
 Dorothy ) , , . , . , ^ ^t 
 
 Florence [ ^^^'''^'^'^'K closer to her). No. 
 
 Audrey. I didn't know anything ever happened in 
 Pemberton. 
 
 Mrs. M. Listen. You know they've got a circus over 
 there? One of these little one-horse, dog and pony affairs, 
 in a tent ? 
 
 Girls. Yes, yes, go on ! 
 
 Mrs. M. Well, they've got a man traveling with them, 
 a Professor Lyon, he's called, who's a hypnotist. I didn't 
 see him, but they say he does the most dreadful things — 
 goes into trances and 
 
 Audrey. Hypnotists don't go into trances. They put 
 other people into 'em. 
 
 Mrs. M. Well, this one does— and he did the most 
 awful things to some of the people in Pemberton. Made 
 them think they were cats and dogs, and all sorts of things 
 that make your flesh creep. You know Charlie Baxter ? 
 
10 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 Girls. Yes. 
 
 Mks. M. Well, he hypnotized Charlie and made him 
 think he was a yellow cat — and Charlie went and sat all night 
 under the minister's window and howled, and the minister 
 thought he was too, and threw a hair-brush at him and hit 
 Charlie in the eye — and Charlie's mind was all made up to 
 join the church, and now he says he won't, and it's all that 
 miserable professor. {She pauses for breath.^ 
 
 Girls. Oh ! 
 
 Mrs. M. Well, yesterday he disappeared — the professor, 
 I mean, and no one knows where he is. They think he 
 went into a trance and wandered off. The circus man is 
 wild about it. Now, I'm coming to my part of it. 
 
 Girls. Yes, yes, do go on. 
 
 Mrs. M. Well, you know Wilbur always sends me a five- 
 pound box of candy when he doesn't come up for the week 
 end — and of course I knew that wretched express company 
 wouldn't deliver it, so I hired old Bob and the buggy and 
 drove over to Pemberton after it. 1 got it, and stopped to 
 do some errands at the store; that's where I met Mrs. Bax- 
 ter, and heard all about the professor. Then I drove out 
 by way of the lane. You know what a lonely sort of a place 
 that lane is ? 
 
 Girls. Yes. 
 
 Mrs. M. Well, I was thinking about the professor and 
 Charlie and the hair-brush, and how awful it was to have a 
 man like that roaming around loose, and I was just wonder- 
 ing if I oughtn't to go back and telegraph Wilbur to come 
 at once, when a man started up in front of me with a suit- 
 case and asked the way to Idlewild. 
 
 Girls. Oh, what was he like? 
 
 Mrs. M. Like? He was like that dreadful professor! 
 I knew at once who he was. The moment he fixed those 
 eyes on me I knew he was trying to hypnotize either old 
 Bob or me, I didn't know which. I didn't answer his 
 question ; I just stared at him, and kept saying over and 
 over, ** We won't be influenced — we won't be influenced." 
 That's the way you do, you know, when you don't want 
 to be. 
 
 Audrey. AVhat did he say ? 
 
 Mrs. M. Well, he looked sort of surprised. He hadn't 
 expected to find me on my guard, you see, so he mumbled 
 something about wanting to get to Idlewild and not having 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN II 
 
 been able to hire a rig, but I didn't stop to hear any more. 
 1 just whipped up old Bob and left him there. 
 
 Florence. What wonderful presence of mind you have, 
 Mrs. Moffelt. 
 
 Mrs. M. So Wilbur says, but, of course, one has to 
 think quickly in emergencies like that. 
 
 DoROTHV. Weren't you awfully scared? 
 
 Mrs. M. Scared ? My dear, my flesh crawled when 
 that man looked at me. You've no idea what it feels like to 
 be looked at by a psychic person ! I made up my mind that 
 I would move to the hotel to-night and stay there till Wilbur 
 comes or that wretch is found. I thought maybe one of 
 you girls would go home with me while 1 packed a suit- 
 case. 
 
 Audrey {jinnpin^ dowji). I will. 
 
 Mrs. M. {rising). I can feel those eyes on me still. 
 Do you know, I believe there's something psychic about me. 
 I had the queerest feeling all the way home, a sort of sleepy, 
 stretchy feeling {she stretches out her fingers as a cat does 
 her claws, and draws them in again), and when I tied Bob 
 to the tree out there I had the strangest desire to climb it ! 
 
 Dorothy. Oh, Mrs. Moffett ! 
 
 Mrs. M. I did. I see that I'm going to have to work 
 very hard to throw off his influence ; but thank goodness, 
 I've got more strength of mind than Charlie Baxter. You 
 won't catch me sitting outside of people's windows getting 
 hit with hair-brushes. Come along, Audrey, I'll bring you 
 back in time for dinner. 
 
 Audrey. Tell mother where I've gone. 
 
 {Exeunt Mrs. M. ajid Audrey, r.) 
 
 Florence. Do you suppose it was the professor? 
 
 Dorothy {putting her arm around her). Well, if he 
 wasn't, the man must be wondering whether Idlewild is a 
 Home for the Insane. Come on, let's go up-stairs and fin- 
 ish our letters before the boys come in. I hear Billy Pear- 
 son's whistle. 
 
 (Dorothy and Ff.orence stroll off, arfn in arm, at c. 
 Wilis tlitig heard off stage.) 
 
 {Enter Billy Pearson and Percival, r. Percival goes 
 to the table, sits, and begins sorting the fnail, Billy 
 looks around in so?ne disappointment.) 
 
12 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 Billy. I thought I heard the girls' voices. Must have 
 gone upstairs to dress for dinner. 
 
 {He lights a cigarette and sits R.) 
 
 Percival {Intent 07i the mall). Probably. 
 
 Billy. Say, Percy, do you really think it was the hyp- 
 notist fellow that Mrs. M. saw ? 
 
 Percival. Can't say. An inquisitive woman with an 
 active imagination is likely to see almost anything. 
 
 Billy. Be rather good fun, wouldn't it, if he should turn 
 up around here to-night? We might get a little excitement 
 out of him. 
 
 Percival {who has arranged the scattered mall Into sev- 
 eral neat little piles, and who now rises). You might. 
 You're not responsible for the hotel. 
 
 Billy. Business before pleasure, eh ? 
 
 Percival {crossing to him). Exactly. By the way, how 
 are you coming on with Miss Dudley ? Going to announce 
 that engagement pretty soon ? 
 
 Billy {gloomily). Hanged if I know ! One day she's 
 so pleasant that 1 begin to dope out a letter to Dad to tell 
 him I'm going to marry the prettiest girl in New York. The 
 next day she's so frosty that 1 make up my mind to drop the 
 wliole business and hike for home. What's a chap going to 
 do with a girl like that? 
 
 Percival. In olden days he would have kidnapped her. 
 Of course, nowadays one has to consider the police. 
 
 Billy. Oh, of course, if you're going to guy me 
 
 Percival. Pm not. Pm trying to help you. How is 
 that little suggestion of mine working? 
 
 Billy. Fanny Brown? Oh, I've worked Fanny Brown 
 to a finish. 
 
 Percival. Didn't do any good ? 
 
 Billy. Well, once or twice I thought she seemed a bit 
 put out. 
 
 Percival. You're making her jealous, my boy. Depend 
 upon it, that's the only way to handle a flirt. You must 
 rave ahout Fanny Brown, adore Fanny Brown, make her 
 think there isn't a girl in the country like Fanny Brown. 
 
 Bii.r.Y. That's the trouble, there isn't a girl in the coun- 
 try like Fanny Brown, and I know it. 1 can't go on raving 
 forever about an imaginary girl. Already Pve forgotten 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN I3 
 
 what color I said her hair was, and where I said she Hved. 
 I'm sick of Fanny Brown. 
 
 Percival. That's gratitude ! Here I take the trouble, 
 busy as I am, to hatch up a scheme to give you a fighting 
 chance witli a girl you're madly in love with ; invent a 
 woman out of whole cloth so that you can flirt with her in 
 perfect safety, even take the trouble to see that Miss Dudley 
 finds the letters you wrote to Fanny 
 
 Billy. Hold on. By the way, what have you done with 
 those letters? 
 
 Percival. Put 'em in the desk drawer over there. You 
 didn't think I was going to mail them, did you ? 
 
 Billy. Well, I didn't think you would; but you can 
 never tell what a person with a vivid imagination like yours 
 is going to do. 1 think I'd better tear 'em up, as long as 
 Dorothy's seen 'em. 
 
 (Staris toward desk l. Percival stops him.) 
 
 Percival. Don't be a fool, Bill ; of course they're all 
 right. Look here, I've got an idea. 
 
 Billy. Well, if it's another Fanny Brown, I don't want 
 it. I'm going to make a clean breast of the whole thing to 
 Dorothy to-night, and ask her to marry me. 
 
 Percival. You young idiot, she'll never forgive you. 
 Ask her to marry you, if you like, but don't tell her that you 
 have been trying to trick her with an imaginary woman, or 
 she'll never speak to you again. 
 
 Billy. I don't see why. It's no worse than the way 
 she's treated me. 
 
 Percival. Of course it isn't, but you'll never make her 
 look at it that way. She's one of the wickedest little flirts 
 in New York state, but you needn't think you'll ever force 
 her to admit it. I know women. 
 
 Billy. Real ones, or the Fanny Brown kind? 
 
 Percival. Of course, if you 
 
 (Dorothy's voice is heard outside.) 
 
 Dorothy. Yes, Mrs. Caldwell, I'll bring your mail up 
 to you. 
 
 Billy {ju7npins^ tip). Gosh ! Here she comes. Would 
 yon do it now, or 
 
 Percival {coolly). I don't think I care to meddle with 
 
14 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 your affairs any more. You'll have to use your own judg- 
 ment. 
 
 Billy {ytiildly). Hang it, Percy, don't go back on me 
 like that ! I didn't mean 
 
 (Zr<f tries to detain Percival, who shakes him off.) 
 
 Percival {ironically). Oh, there's nothing I can do. I 
 don't understand situations like this, you know. Manage 
 your own affairs. 
 
 Billy. But would you ask her now, or wait till 
 
 Percival. But before I go, I want to tell you that Miss 
 Howe and I are engaged to be married. We're going to 
 announce it to-night at the dance. 
 
 Billy {aghasty! You? Well, I'll be 
 
 Percival. Oh, I hope not, old man ! 
 
 Billy. Did you talk to Florence Howe about Fanny 
 Brown ? 
 
 Percival (rather embarrassed). Well — I — I mentioned 
 her once or twice, just to stimulate an interest. Well, good- 
 bye, old top, good luck to you. I'll be around after a while 
 to drop a tear if she refuses you. (Starts to go,) 
 
 Billy (angrily). Good-bye. 
 
 Percival (coming back). If she accepts you, you might 
 whistle. 
 
 Billy (stiffly). Yes, I might. 
 
 (Exit Percival, r. Billy starts to go to the iable,ivhen 
 Dorothy enters at c.) 
 
 DOROTHV (pausing). Oh, I thought Mr. Gale was here. 
 
 Billy. He was. He's just gone outside. Shall I call 
 him ? 
 
 Dorothy (coining down to table). Oh, it's not impor- 
 tant. I can see him later. I wanted to ask him about get- 
 ting that room for my brother. 
 
 Billy. Henry coming down ? 
 
 Dorothy. Yes, I've just had a letter from him. He'll 
 be here either to-night or to-morrow. 
 
 Billy. Perhaps he'll come out with the fellows in time 
 for the dance. 
 
 Dorothy. I hope so! (Looks over the mail.) Oh, 
 here's something for Mrs. Caldwell. (Moves atvay.) 
 
 Billy. Don't go ! 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 1 5 
 
 Dorothy. But I must. I have to dress for dinner. 
 
 Billy. No, you don't. You look perfectly stunning 
 now. Don't go. I want to say something to you. 
 
 Dorothy (^glanciu^ nervously at the door^ r). Hadn't 
 you better wait till this evening ? 
 
 Billy. Can't, Too late. I want to ask you to save a 
 few of your dances for me. Last time, you know, you 
 danced with those other chaps all evening and just once 
 with me. 
 
 Dorothy {rather provoked'^). Did I ? Well, why should 
 I dance more than once with you ? 
 
 Billy. Why shouldn't you? 
 
 Dorothy {szveetly). Well, to be quite truthful, I never 
 have cared much for dancing with engaged men. 
 
 (J\Ioves up stage. ^ 
 
 Billy (in horror'). Engaged men ! What in thunder 
 do you mean ? Now come back here and explain yourself. 
 
 Dorothy. I don't have to explain myself. 
 
 Billy. Any woman who makes remarks detrimental to 
 my character has to explain herself. 
 
 Dorothy (coining down). Of course, if you consider it 
 detrimental to your character to be engaged, that's another 
 thing. Most people don't. 
 
 Billy. Look here, Dorothy, let me tell you 
 
 Dorothy. Oh, you needn't tell me if you don't want to. 
 You've a perfect right to keep it to yourself. Doesn't she 
 want it announced ? 
 
 Billy {choking with rage). She ? 
 
 Dorothy. Yes. Miss Brown ? 
 
 Billy (bursting i?ito laughter). Miss Brown ? You 
 didn't think I cared for her? 
 
 Dorothy (coolly). Well, I've never thought much about 
 it. It doesn't particularly interest me. 
 
 Billy, But I want it to interest you. I want you to 
 know that I don't care a hang for that girl in Omaha, or 
 she for me. 
 
 Dorothy. Omaha? You said she lived in Council 
 Bluffs. 
 
 Billy (nervously). Did I? Well, she does, but she 
 teaches school in Omaha, so it's the same thing. She's a 
 hard working girl, and I admire her tremendously, but I'm 
 not in the least in love with her. I 
 
l6 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN , 
 
 Dorothy. It's odd you should write her so many letters. 
 Mr. Gale said you wrote her nearly every day. 
 
 Billy (aside). Hang Gale! (To her.) Why, why — 
 you see — why, the truth of it is, I did write her a good 
 many letters, but it was all on Gale's account. You see 
 he's gone on Fanny Brown. 
 
 Dorothy. What ! 
 
 Billy. Regularly mushy. Used to get me to write his 
 letters to her because he thought 1 had more style than he did. 
 
 Dorothy. Style ! In love letters ? 
 
 Billy. Sure. There's a style in love letters as well as 
 in anything else. At least so they say. I don't know any- 
 thing about 'em myself, I never was in love before. 
 
 Dorothy. Do you really mean to tell me that Percival 
 Gale likes this — this Brown girl ? 
 
 Billy. Of course. She's a very fine girl. Whyshouldn't 
 he? 
 
 Dorothy. We all thought — at least, I mean, I thought 
 he liked Florence. 
 
 Billy (alanned). Hold on, he does. He told me he 
 did. 
 
 Dorothy (indignantly). What is he, a Mormon? Oh, 
 you men make me tired ! 
 
 Billy. He — why — he — why, the fact is — oh, hang 
 Percival. I didn't come here to talk to you about other 
 people's love affairs. I came to ask you to marry me. 
 Will you, Dorothy ? If you had any idea how much 1 
 loved you, you'd marry me out of pity. It's positively 
 brutal not to. 
 
 Dorothy (taken a little aback). I — why 
 
 Billy (coming closer to her). Come on, say you will. 
 You've no idea how splendidly suited we are to each other. 
 I've been considering it all summer. 
 
 Dorothy. You are perfectly sure you don't care for that 
 — that other girl ? 
 
 Billy (putting his arm around her). If I was half as 
 sure of getting to heaven as I'm sure of that, I'd begin to 
 have my coats let out for wings. 
 
 Dorothy. Then I will. 
 
 (He kisses her.) 
 
 Bilt,y. Gosh ! I can't believe it ! I didn't dream you 
 cared for me. 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN I7 
 
 Dorothy. Well, to tell the truth, Billy dear, I didn't 
 either, till Percival Gale told me about that girl. Then I 
 reahzed that 1 couldn't let anybody else have you. 
 
 Billy. Of course not. It takes a jolt now and then to 
 make us realize things, doesn't it? 
 
 Dorothy. Yes. And Billy, dear 
 
 Billy. Yes, honey ? 
 
 Dorothy. Do you know, if I were you I wouldn't be so 
 friendly with Percival Gale. I don't think his influence is 
 good for you. 
 
 Billy.' What? 
 
 Dorothy. No, I don't. I think he's unprincipled. 
 
 Billy. Oh, no, not as bad as that. 
 
 Dorothy. Yes, he is. Do you know, he tried to show 
 me a letter that you had written to that — that Brown girl 
 and had given him to mail. He wanted me to read it. 
 What do you think of him, now? 
 
 Billy {coughing in a wild attempt not to laugJi). Oh, 
 you must make allowances for Percy. Keeping a summer 
 hotel is a terribly demoralizing sort of business, you know. 
 He's — he's an awfully good chap, take hnii all in all. 
 
 Dorothy. 1 don't believe it. I want you to promise me 
 not to have anything more to do with him. 
 
 Billy. Of course ; but I'll have to do it by degrees, 
 you know. It would look queer to break with him all at 
 once. Wouldn't it ? 
 
 Dorothy. Well, maybe. But I don't like him. Now 
 I must take Mrs. Caldwell her mail, or she'll be coming 
 down for it. Good-bye. 
 
 Billy {holding her hand). How about those dances ? 
 Will you dance with an engaged man, now? 
 
 Dorothy {breaking azvay and goifig up c). Silly ! I'll 
 see. 
 
 {Exit, c. Billy watches her go. Then breaks into a wi'd 
 and furious burst of whistling. Percival appears r.) 
 
 Percival. You don't mean to say she's accepted you ? 
 
 Billy. That's what. 
 
 Percival {slapping Billy on the shoulder'). Bully for 
 you, old chap ! Congratulations ! She's a charming girl. 
 {The portieres at c. part slightly and Dorothy's head ap- 
 pears. She has heard the whistle and come back to see what 
 it is all about.) 1 didn't think she'd take you. 
 
l8 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 Billy. Neither did I. I don't know what she sees in 
 me, I'm sure. (Dokothy sjniles mischievously — starts to 
 go.) It's all your Fanny Brown business. 
 
 (Dorothy's /tj^tTd' changes. She decides to listen.') 
 
 Percival. You didn't tell her ? 
 
 Billy. No. I meant to, but I was scared. I couldn't 
 tell her that we'd invented a girl just to make her jealous. 
 No fellow could say a thing like that to the girl he — he 
 loved. 
 
 Percival. No, of course not. What did you say ? 
 
 Billy. Well, 1 just gave her to understand, in a vague 
 sort of a way, that you were the one who was interested in 
 Fanny Brown. 
 
 Vev<c\nal {in horror). I? 
 
 (Dorothy drops the portieres.) 
 
 Billy. Yes. That I was writing to her on your account, 
 don't you know. 
 
 Percival (aghast). On my account ! 
 
 Billy. Yes. And I guess I'd better tear up those letters 
 before 1 forget them. 
 
 {Moves toward desk. Percival stops him,) 
 
 Percival. No, you don't, my son ! 
 
 Billy. What's the matter ? 
 
 Percival. I suppose you never stopped to think what 
 Florence Howe will do when Miss Dudley tells her all this 
 stuff you've been inventing? 
 
 Billy. Gosh, I forgot all about you and Florence. 
 
 Percival. Yes, you seem to have forgotten everybody 
 but yourself in this business. Those letters are all the 
 evidence Pve got to show that I'm not the guilty party in 
 this business, so I'll just look after them myself. Lucky I 
 made you write real letters instead of just addressing envel- 
 opes as you wanted to. 
 
 Billy {bitterly). You seem to think you've planned 
 things very neatly. 1 think you've made a hash of things, 
 myself. 
 
 {Enter Dorothy quickly at c.) 
 
 Dorothy. AVhat in the world are you boys arguing 
 about ? 1 could hear you from up-stairs. 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN I9 
 
 (^They turn in consternation.) 
 
 Billy. Why, we were — we — he was congratulating me 
 on our engagement. Weren't you, Percy? 
 
 Percival. Yes, he was telling me how 
 
 Billy (jiervously). I was tehing how surprised I was 
 that you would have me, don't you know, how 
 
 Peucival. And I was just as surprised, too, you see 
 
 Dorothy {eyins^ them both cahnly). I see. 
 
 Billy. Say, Percy, hadn't we better get busy moving 
 those tables out of the way, for the dance, you know ? 
 
 Percival. Yes, that's a good idea. 
 
 Billy. We'll be back in a few minutes. 
 
 Dorothy. Oh, don't hurry. I'm going up-stairs to 
 dress. I only wanted to ask Mr. Gale if 1 might have 
 that room for my brother who is coming to-night or to- 
 morrow. 
 
 Percival. Certainly, Miss Dudley, delighted to have 
 your brother with us. Come on. Bill. '^ 
 
 {^Exeunt both at r. Dorothy matches them go, then turns 
 angrily and stamps her foot.) 
 
 Dorothy. Oh ! that's your Fanny Brown ! And to 
 think that I believed it all. — Oh, what an idiot Fve been ! 
 But I'll show Mr. William Pearson a thing or two — and that 
 
 other wretch, too! I'll make him sorry for this, I'll • 
 
 {She pauses, knits her brow in perplexity ; then, with a 
 hasty glance around, goes to the desk, opens the draiver and 
 snatches a small packet of letters, then closes the drawer, 
 and holds the letters up triutnphantiy.) I'll make them both 
 pay for this ! They'll get all they want of their precious 
 Fanny Brown before I get through with them. I must find 
 Florence at once ! 
 
 {She goes off c. Billy appears at r. , peeping in cautiously. 
 Seeing the room empty, he enters, goes swiftly to the desk, 
 opens the drawer, searches madly a moment, then turns 
 witfi a horrified face as Percival enters also at R. ) 
 
 Percival. What's the matter ? 
 
 Billy. What's the matter? They're gone, that's what's 
 the matter ! 
 
20 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 Percival. What! The letters? Impossible! 
 
 Billy. Well, look for yourself. (Perciwal goes ^o ^es^.) 
 Somebody's swiped 'em. 
 
 Percival. Nonsense ! There's no one in this house 
 who would do a thing like that. Don't be a fool, Bill. 
 
 Billy. Then where are they ? You said you put them 
 there. If nobody's taken them where are they? 
 
 Percival. Somebody's mailed them. 
 
 Billy (/';/ Jiorror). Mailed them ! 
 
 Percival. They were stamped, weren't they? 
 
 Billy. Oh, yes, they were stamped. You said they 
 wouldn't look natural unless they were stamped, so I stamped 
 'em. Next lime 1 feel like taking your advice about any- 
 thing, I'll 
 
 Percival. Hold on, Billy, don't be an idiot. What dif- 
 ference does it make if they have been mailed ? 
 
 Billy {agliast). What difference does it make? Sup- 
 pose they go to Fanny Brown, Omaha, Nebraska ? 
 
 Percival. But there isn't any Fanny Brown, Omaha, 
 Nebraska. 
 
 Billy {savagely). How do you know there isn't? 
 There's probably twenty of 'em. One of 'em's probably got 
 the letters right now. We don't know when they were 
 mailed. Or maybe the letters are scattered around to all the 
 Fanny Browns, and I'll have the whole bunch of 'em suing 
 me for breach of promise. Oh, you're a lovely one to go 
 to for advice, you are. 
 
 Percival {trying to pacify him'). But they can't, Billy; 
 you didn't give your address. 
 
 Billy. Oh, no, I only wrote on your blamed hotel sta- 
 tionery, that's all. I tell you, Percy, you've got to get me 
 out of this. D'you hear? {He runs his hands tlirough his 
 hair excitedly.) You've got to help me get those letters; 
 you've got to 
 
 Percival {soothingly). Of course, of course ; don't get 
 so wild over it. I'll find the boy who takes the mail, and 
 you go and 'phone to the post-office in Pemberton and see if 
 anybody remembers sending them. 
 
 Billy. They're so likely to ! 
 
 Percival. Oh, they might — a bunch like that, all ad- 
 dressed to the same girl. There isn't a woman in Pember- 
 ton, postmistress or not, who wouldn't notice that. Cheer 
 up, we'll pull through this yet. Come on. 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 21 
 
 (Pulls Billy /// stage.) 
 
 Billy {gloomily). Yes, a fine show we've got to pull 
 through ! Fine ! 
 
 (^Exeunt both at c. ) 
 
 (^Enter Henry Dudley ^/r., carryifigtwo suit-cases, 7vhich 
 he drops ivith a sigh of relief. He sinks into a chair Just 
 as Dorothy enters c.) 
 
 Henry (^jumping up). Hullo, sis ! 
 
 Dorothy {running to him). Oh, Henry, I saw you from 
 my window. I'm so glad you've come ! (They kiss each 
 other.) But what's the matter? You're all dust. 
 
 Henry. Yes, I walked over. 
 
 Dorothy. Walked over ! But it's four miles. Why 
 didn't you drive ? 
 
 Henry {sitting doivn again and mopping his forehead). 
 Couldn't get a rig. The hotel 'bus had gone, and every- 
 thing in town was engaged. Saturday night, you know, so 
 1 walked. 
 
 Dorothy. You poor boy ! 
 
 Henry. I met a young lady driving a buggy in this 
 direction, and asked her the way. Thought she might offer 
 me a lift, but nothing doing. 1 guess she was nuts or some- 
 thing. She took one look at me and whipped up the horse. 
 First time I ever was taken for a tramp by a good-looking 
 woman. What's the matter ? 
 
 Dorothy {7vith a gig^^lc). Nothing. I guess she was 
 *'nuts," as you call it. How did the dramatics go off? 
 
 Henry. Fine! I made a hit. Dressed up as a girl ; 
 Charley's Aunt sort of business, don't you know? It was 
 corking ! I've got the duds in there. {Points to one suit- 
 case.) I'll rig up in 'em some day and show you. 
 
 Dorothy {solejnnly). Henry, I believe heaven has 
 sent you to this place ! 
 
 Henry (disgustedly). Don't you believe it. I'm here 
 because Dad wouldn't come across with the cash for that 
 camping trip in the Yellowstone. It's a shame, too, the 
 whole bunch are going, and 
 
 Dorothy (excitedly). You are here to help your sister 
 out of the worst scrape she was ever in. 
 
 Henry. What have you been doing? I thought I han- 
 dled the scrape department for th^ family. 
 
22 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN • 
 
 Dorothy. I — I — I've been getting engaged. 
 
 Henry. Is that all? You've been doing that every 
 summer since you were sixteen. 
 
 Dorothy. Oh, but this is serious ! I — he — well, we 
 care awfully for each other. 
 
 Henry. Well, what's the matter, then? Who is he? 
 
 Dorothy. Who is he ? Why, it's Billy Pearson, of 
 course. Who else could it be? 
 
 Henry. Well, you said something in one of your letters 
 about this Gale chap 
 
 Dorothy {hot/y). Percival Gale? I hate him ! He's 
 a wretch ! just wait till I tell you what he's done. 
 
 Henry. Well, fire away. 
 
 Dorothy. You see, when Billy began to be in love with 
 me, this miserable Gale man made Billy believe that if he 
 could make me jealous of somebody, he would have a better 
 chance, see? 
 
 Henry. I see. 
 
 Dorothy. Well, between them the idiots invented a girl 
 named Fanny Brown, and Billy wrote letters to her every 
 day, and they hid them in that drawer. {^Points to desk.) 
 Well, it did make me jealous, and when Billy proposed, I 
 suppose I did snap him up a little quicker than I would have 
 otherwise, don't you know, to save him from her clutches. 
 Then he tried to make me think that it was Mr. Gale who 
 was in love with her. 
 
 Henrv. Naturally. 
 
 Dorothy. Then I heard them talking about it after- 
 ward, the wretches, and it made me perfectly furious. I 
 made up ray mind to give them the biggest scare they ever 
 had in their lives, and you've got to help me. 
 
 Henry {risijig). Me? 
 
 Dorothy. Yes. I've stood by you lots of times, now 
 you've got to stand by me. I'm going to make those men 
 suffer ! Maybe I'll forgive Billy when he's suffered enough, 
 but I'll always hate Percival Gale. And maybe Florence 
 won't attend to his case. I've told her he's mixed up with 
 this Fanny Brown, and she's furious. 
 
 Henry (^patting her shoulder). Good for you ! I like 
 your pluck. What shall we do? 
 
 Dorothy. Well, I've got their old letters. They're the 
 silliest, softest things 3'ou ever read. If Billy Pearson ever 
 dares to write such sliiff fo me I'll — I'll get a divorce. 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 23 
 
 Henry {eagerly). Lemme see 'em. 
 
 Dorothy. Not now, we haven't time. Listen. — Those 
 letters have been mailed to Omaha, Nebraska, and Fanny 
 Brown has come to visit Idlewild. You are Fanny Brown. 
 
 Henry. What ! 
 
 Dorothy. Now don't make a fuss. You've got the things 
 there, and you made a hit in the part. You can play for a 
 few hours — for a day, maybe 
 
 Henry. What ! Spend a whole day in those 
 
 Dorothy. Of course. Now, don't be horrid. 
 
 Henry {grasping his waist with both hands'). But they 
 squeeze like thunder. They're the down in front kind. 
 It'll kill me. 
 
 Dorothy. Nonsense. I'll let 'em out. For my sake ! 
 
 Henry, And the shoes are a crime. I've nearly ruined 
 two perfectly good feet with 'em already. 
 
 Dorothy. I'll pay your doctor's bills and I'll — I'll coax 
 Dad to let you go to tlie Yellowstone next month. 
 
 Henry. But 
 
 Dorothy. You promised. Come on. 
 
 Henry {seizing the other suit- case). Oh, all right. Gee, 
 I'm sorry for Billy. 
 
 Dorothy {grimly). And I'm sorry for Mr. Percival 
 Gale. {Exit Henry into bedroom, l. Dorothy does not 
 go in.) Hurry up ; I'll be there in a minute to help you. 
 
 {She shuts the door and turns to cross stage, zvhen Billy 
 enters hurriedly at c, not seeing her.) 
 
 Billy. That confounded post-office is closed for the 
 day ! 
 
 Dorothy {excitedly). Oh, Billy, is that you? Where 
 is Mr. Gale ? 
 
 Billy. I thought he was here. 
 
 Dorothy. You must find him for me. What do you 
 think? 
 
 Billy {wildly). I can't think. There's something the 
 matter with my head. 
 
 Dorothy {excitedly). There's a new girl arrived ; just 
 a few minutes ago. I couldn't find Mr. Gale, so I told her 
 she could have that room that we were saving for Henry. 
 Now, I must find Mr. Gale and tell him to get Henry a room 
 at one of the cottages. 
 
 Billy. Sure. That's easy. Is she in there now ? 
 
24 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 (JSoutid of whistling fro?n bedroom. Dorothy becomes 
 
 nervous.') 
 
 Dorothy. Yes, yes, she 
 
 Billy. Seems to have a cheerful disposition. 
 
 Dorothy. Oh, she's a lovely girl; 1 know you'll like her. 
 But do run and find Mr. Gale for me, dear; I can't have 
 Henry arriving and not finding a room saved for him. 
 
 {There is a sound from the bedroofn, follotved by a groafi. 
 The noise is suggestion of so?ne o?ie who is trying to 
 stamp a foot into a shoe too small for him, and the groan 
 is deep and painful.') 
 
 Billy {aghast). 1 say, what's the matter with her? 
 Got a fit ? 
 
 Dorothy {pushing him up stage). Nothing; she's just 
 tired out. Do go and find Mr. Gale. 
 
 Billy. Oh, all right. Don't forget those dances. 
 
 {Exit, c.) 
 
 Dorothy. Oh, what wretches men are ! Even the nice 
 ones. {Runs as Wknry puts his head out.) 
 
 Henry. Say, get me some hot water, will you ? I've 
 got to shave. 
 
 Dorothy. Yes, yes, do be careful ; he may come. 
 {Enter Martha at r., carrying pitcher. Henry dives 
 back into the bedroo?n. Dorothy turns and stops her as 
 she is crossing to c.) Oh, Martha, do let me have that 
 hot water. 
 
 Martha. I can't. I'm takin' it to Mrs. Caldwell. 
 
 Dorothy. You must. I've got to have it. It's — it's 
 something very important. 
 
 Martha. I can't. She'd be awful mad. She give me 
 fifty cents to go to the circus yesterday. 
 
 Dorothy. Oh, she won't mind. I'll make it all right 
 with her. I must have that hot water. {Takes it from 
 Martha, who is too amazed to resist.) Wait a minute. 
 {Runs to door and knocks. Henry opens it cautiously, so 
 that Martha does not see him ; puts out a hand for the hot 
 tvater.) Give me a dollar, quick ! 
 
 Henry {from within). A dollar ! For a shave? 
 
 Dorothy. Hush ! Give it to me, quick ! {He hands 
 it to her and bangs the door ; she runs to Martha and puts 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 2$ 
 
 the money in her hand.') Now, you can go to the circus two 
 more times. 
 
 Martha. Thank you, ma'am. Oh, it's the finest circus 
 I ever see ! They had a man there who done the queerest 
 things ! A hypnotizing man he was, and he 
 
 Dorothy. Yes, yes, he must have been lovely, but I 
 hear somebody coming down-stairs. You'd better run; it 
 may be Mrs. Caldwell. 
 
 Martha. Oh, my, won't she be mad when she don't 
 get that hot water? 
 
 {Exit Martha, ^/ r.) 
 
 Henry {from bedroom). I say, sis, they won't 
 
 Dorothy {running to bedroom). Hush ! 
 
 {Exit Dorothy into bedroom just as Mrs. C. enters at c, 
 followed by FLORtiNCE, 7aho has a handkerchief in her 
 hand J and has evidently been crying.) 
 
 Mrs. C. That girl Martha is getting more careless every 
 day ! Here it is nearly six o'clock, and she hasn't brought 
 my hot water ! 
 
 {There is a groan from the bedroom^ and Dorothy's voice 
 is heard.) 
 
 Dorothy. Oh, nonsense ! I can hook it. Here ! 
 
 Mrs. C. Bless me. I didn't know that room was occu- 
 pied. Florence, why doesn't Audrey come back? 
 
 Florence {listlessly). I don't know. 
 
 Mrs. C. {looking r.). Oh, here she comes now with 
 Mrs. Moffett. Why, they're moving all her baggage over 
 here. 
 
 {Enter r. Mrs. M. and Audrey, staggering under the 
 weight of tu'J suit-cases, while Percival, ivith two hand- 
 bags and several packages, brings up the rear. Mrs. M. 
 sinks into chair up r., while Percival and Audrey lean 
 against the wall, y^., fanning themselves.) 
 
 Mrs. M. I want a room on the second floor, do you 
 understand ? I won't be alone and unprotected with that 
 awful professor in the neighborhood. Though what good 
 second floors are against a man who can imagine himself a 
 
26 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN • 
 
 monkey and climb up the porch, I'm sure 1 don't know! 
 Oh, why did 1 let Wilbur go away ? 
 
 Florence. Don't worry about him any more. You 
 can't depend on any man. 
 
 (Percival comes to back of sofa and leans over Florence 
 reproacffiilly. ) 
 
 Percival {in low voice^. Florence, you're not angry at 
 me, are you ? {He comes around and sits on sofa. Mrs. C, 
 AuDREV, a)id Mrs. M. talk together up c. Florence turns 
 her back on Percival.) Florence, what's the matter? 
 
 {He tries to take her hand?) 
 
 Florence {in a low, tense to7ie). Don't touch me ! 
 
 Percival {worried^. Why, what's the matter ? 
 
 Florence {turning on him, bitterly^. I know all about 
 yon and your Fanny Brown. I hate you. 
 
 Percival. Fanny Brown ! Some one has been telling 
 you what isn't true. Florence, I give you my word that 
 there isn't any such person as Fanny Brown. 
 
 Florence. Oh ! 
 
 {Enter Billy, c. He pauses to speak to Audrey, up c.) 
 
 Percival {to Florence). I tell you it was all a stupid 
 joke. {Sees Billy.) Here, I can prove it by Billy. Come 
 here a moment, Billy. (Percival rises. Billy comes 
 doivn R.) Billy, some one's been worrying Miss Howe 
 with stories about Miss Fanny Brown. I've told her there 
 isn't any such person — that it's all a joke. Isn't that so? 
 
 Billy. That's right, and a mighty bad joke, if you ask 
 me. There never was any Fanny Brown. 
 
 Florence. Oh, if I could believe 
 
 {Enter Dorothy, l.) 
 
 Dorothy. Oh, there you are. I've such a lovely sur- 
 prise for you, Mr. Gale. And you too, Billy. {They stare 
 at her in amazement.') An old friend of yours arrived a 
 little while ago. {The door of the bedroom, L., ope7is, and 
 Henry enters, dressed as a girl. Every one stares in 
 astonishment. Dorothy puts her arm around Henry and 
 draivs hitn forward, down r.) Let me present Miss Fanny 
 Brown, of Omaha, Nebraska. 
 
 Percival. Suffering cats ! 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 27 
 
 (^He sinks on to sofa. Billy sinks back gasping against 
 ivally R. Florence gives Pekcival one scornful look, 
 and rises, carefully drawing her skirts aivay from him.) 
 
 Mrs. M. ") 
 
 Mrs. C. [-So pleased to meet you, Miss Brown. 
 
 Audrey, j 
 
 (Henry grins cheerfully at Billy.) 
 
 CURTAIN 
 
ACT II 
 
 SCENE. — The same as in Act /, except that the lights 
 are lit. Time : about ifiidiiight of the same day. Music 
 can be heard from the room where the dancing is going 
 on. As curtain rises, Percival and Billy are seen ; 
 Percival, seated at the table l., his head in his Jiands, 
 Billy, on sofa r., Iji an attitude of utter discouragemejit. 
 
 Billy {with a glance at his watch, and a jerk of his 
 head toward the dancing roo7ns). Twelve o'clock! How 
 much longer are they going to keep that business up ? 
 
 Percival {wearily). They usually stop about twelve- 
 thirty. Why don't you go in and try a round or two? 
 
 Billy {with scorn'). Yes, why don't I ? Dorothy won't 
 look at me, and I've danced with that Brown girl till my 
 feet feel as though they'd been run over by a street car. 
 
 Percival. She's as light on her feet as a young ele- 
 phant. 
 
 Billy. Where's Florence ? 
 
 Percival. In her room. She hasn't come out of it since 
 that infernal girl called me " Dear old Percy ! " Say, Bill, 
 who do you suppose mailed those letters? 
 
 Billy. Well, if you don't know, I don't know anybody 
 else who does. 
 
 Percival {to him). Look here, I'm about tired of being 
 accused of this thing. I'm not an idiot. I tell you I put 
 those letters in that drawer, the day you wrote 'em, and I 
 haven't seen 'em since. 
 
 Bii,LY. Then they probably got up and walked to the 
 post-office and asked to be mailed. Anyhow, they were 
 mailed. She's got 'em with her. She showed 'em to me 
 to-night, with the tender passages marked ! Bah ! 
 
 Percival. I say, Bill, what does she mean by saying 
 that she's known us both for years ? I swear I never laid 
 eyes on her before. 
 
 Billy {wearily). She says she met us both at the 
 Harvard Prom last year and that she fell in love with me 
 at first sight. 
 
 Percival. Rot ! 
 28 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 29 
 
 Billy. Well, I'm only telling you what she says. She 
 says she never dreamed that 1 returned her love till my 
 " dear letters " came. So there you are. 1 met about fifty 
 girls that night, maybe I did meet her — who knows ? 
 
 Percival {savage/y). Well, 1 never saw her before. I'd 
 know that girl anywhere ; she's got the wickedest eye I ever 
 saw in a woman. Do you know what I think? 
 
 Billy. No, and 1 don't want to. I've had enough of 
 your thoughts. 
 
 Percival (^darkly). All right. When she begins pro- 
 ceedings you may wish you'd listened to me. 
 
 Billy. Proceedings ? What do you mean ? 
 
 Percival. I mean that she's an adventuress. She'll 
 sue you for breach of promise, sure as a gun's iron. 
 
 Billy {rising). What ! 
 
 Percival. It's done every day. Read the papers. 
 She 
 
 Billy (ivildly). Let her try ! Just let her try ! 
 I'll 
 
 Percival. Hush ! {^Enter Florence at c. in evening 
 dress. She pays no attention to either of the men, but goes 
 to the desk L. and sits. She is carrying a leather writing 
 case, and witliont looking at either of them, begins to write 
 a letter. They stand there in some embarrassment. Finally 
 Percival goes up to her. Billy stays where he is and 
 lights a cigarette, throwing the match savagely into the 
 corner.) Ahem ! (Florence writes busily.) I don't 
 want to interrupt you, but 
 
 Florence. You are interrupting me. 
 
 Percival (^s^esturing to BiLr.v to go away. Billy glares 
 at him, and picks up a book from sofa). I wanted to say 
 something to you. 
 
 Florence. I'm sorry, but this letter must go by the 
 morning's mail. {^Continues to write.) 
 
 Percival {ivith a wrathful glance at Billy, who is deep 
 in the book). Is — is that why you wouldn't come down to 
 the dance ? 
 
 Florence. That is one reason. 
 
 Percival {leaning over her). Won't you tell me some 
 of the others ? 
 
 Florence {ivriting harder than ever). No, I will not. 
 
 Percival {drawing hack). Oh, of course, if you 
 
 {There is a smothered cluickle from behind Billy's book. 
 
30 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 Percival glares at him?) You seem to have found some- 
 thing amusing. 
 
 Billy. Yes. It's a legal book. I'm looking up some 
 information on the subject you were talking to me about — 
 breach of promise, you know ! 
 
 (Percival stares at him in horror. Florence, with a 
 stony expression, shuts her' portfolio with a slam and 
 rises.) 
 
 Percival. I say, Florence 
 
 {Enter Mrs. C. at c.) 
 
 Florence {to Percival). Miss Howe, if you please. 
 
 Mrs. C. Dear me, how those young people can stand 
 dancing in that hot room, 1 don't see. 1 must have a breath 
 of fresh air. Florence, aren't you dancing? 
 
 Florence. No, I'm going out on the veranda with you. 
 
 Mrs. C. Very well, come along, I'm suffocating ! 
 
 {Exit at R. Florence starts to follow, but Percival stops 
 
 her.) 
 
 Percival {pleadingly). If you'll only let me explain 
 
 Florence {melting a bit). If you 
 
 {Just at this moment Henry, his goivn badly torn around 
 the bottom, runs in at c. Florence stiffens instantly. 
 ^\\A.Y Jumps up.) 
 
 Henry. The big fat brute ! He stepped on my dress 
 and tore half a yard off! I'd like to break his head. Oh, 
 hello, Billy ! 
 
 Billy. Hello ! I've got this dance with Mrs. Moffett. 
 
 {Bolts out of door r.) 
 
 Henry {staring after hifn). What a whopper ! He's 
 got it with me. I'll show you on the program. But I 
 don't care. I'd lots rather sit it out with you, Percy. Do 
 you remember 
 
 Florence {ieily). If you will let me pass, Mr. Gale, I 
 should like to go out on the veranda. 
 
 ( ^;\:// Florence, r.) 
 
 Henry {sweetly). Unless you'd rather dance, Percy? 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 3I 
 
 Percival {crossly), I don't want to dance. I hate 
 dancing. 
 
 Henry ( sitting dowji in afi easy chair at r. as Percival 
 tramps uneasily up and down). That's not the way you 
 talked the night of the prom ! 
 
 Percival {savagely). Oh, forget it ! 
 
 Henry. Why, Percy, never ! I had a heavenly time at 
 the prom. Don't you remember walking in the moonlight, 
 under the beautiful trees, you and I 
 
 Percival. I never walk in the moonlight. It gives me 
 neuralgia. 
 
 Henry (sentimentally). You said it gave you something 
 else that night. You said 
 
 Percival {irritably). Probably I did. It gives me the 
 earache, sometimes. 
 
 Henry. You said it gave you the heartache. That it 
 was too beautiful to last. 
 
 Percival. Well, it didn't last, did it ? {He sits down 
 by the table in exasperation. Henry takes out a handker- 
 chief and bursts into tears. Vercivp^l jumps.) Oh, 1 say, 
 don't, please. I — I didn't mean anything, I assure you, 
 I 
 
 Henry. You're a heartless brute ! 
 
 Percival. I know I am ! I always was. I can't help 
 it. Confound it, they'll hear you all over the house ! 
 
 (^He tries to console Henry, who weeps louder every 
 minute.) 
 
 Henry. To break a helpless girl's heart with your wicked 
 
 flirting ! But I'll get even ! I'll have satisfaction, I'll 
 
 Oh ! 
 
 {By this time Percival is wildly fanning Henry ivith a 
 handkerchief while Henry weeps harder all the time.) 
 
 {Enter Audrey at c.) 
 
 Audrey {in amazement). Goodness gracious, what has 
 happened ? 
 
 Percival {iv rath fully). There, I told you somebody'd 
 hear you ! 
 
 Audrey {cojui/i^ down). Oh, what is the matter, dear? 
 
 Henry {who has taken a good look at X\5drey fro7n be- 
 
32 
 
 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 hind a corner of his handkerciiief). A fresh guy stepped 
 OD my dress and tore it. 
 
 Audrey {with a glance at Percival). Oh, is that all ? 
 I thought something unusual had happened. I'll fix it for 
 you. 
 
 (Percival crosses to l. Audrey comes down. She takes 
 some pins from her dress and starts to pin up the rip.') 
 
 Henry [sentimentally'). Men are such brutes ! They 
 have such short memories ! 
 
 Audrey (^jabbing in pins as she kneels beside liini). And 
 such big feet ! 
 
 (Henry tucks his feet under his chair quickly. Audrey 
 looks at him suspiciously.) 
 
 Henry. Don't go away, Percy ! The next is our dance. 
 Percival (jvrat/fully, going up c). 1 shall never dance 
 again. Never ! 
 
 (^Enter Mrs. M, «//^ Dorothy, both in evening dress, ate. 
 Percival turns, comes doivn, tJirows himself into chair 
 by the table in disgust. Mrs. M. is gesticulating wildly 
 to Dorothy.) 
 
 Audrey. There, you're all right again. 
 
 Henry {looking doivn at the top of her head with an ad- 
 miring eye, and patting it patronizingly). You're an aw- 
 fully nice little girl. 
 
 (Zr<f rises and turns toward the others. Audrey, highly 
 indignant, sinks back on the floor, glaring at him.) 
 
 Audrey. Nice little girl, indeed ! If I'm not more of 
 a young lady than you are 
 
 Mrs. M. I tell you, my Susan saw him come into this 
 house. 
 
 Audrey {rising). Who? The hypnotizing man ? 
 
 Mrs. M. Yes, the brute. 
 
 Henry {aside). The lady who took me for a tramp ! 
 
 (Crosses to Percivat,, perches on the table, 7vith his back to 
 Mrs. M., and pats Percival's head affectionately. Per- 
 CiVALy>/7^j- Ins c/iair away from the table in irritation.) 
 
 Dorothy. But she must have been mistaken. 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 33 
 
 Mrs. M. Susan is never mistaken. She said she saw a 
 man, just the dreadful looking sort of man 1 described to 
 you, Dorothy, enter this house, before dinner. He evi- 
 dently followed me here. 
 
 Henry {brushing Percival's hair with 07ie finger'). 
 Well, he's here, and you're here, so what's the matter ? 
 
 V¥.\\ciY M. {Jerking his head away). He's not here. I'll 
 bet my hat. 
 
 Mrs. M. Well, I refuse to go to bed until I know. I 
 should think the least you could do, Mr. Gale, would be to 
 search the house. 
 
 Percival. Certainly, search all you please. 
 
 {Enter Mrs. C, Florence «//^ Billy at r.) 
 
 Mrs. C. Search the house ? For what ? 
 
 Mrs. M. For tlie professor. He's hidden in this house 
 somewhere. Susan saw him. He's only waiting for the 
 shades of night to fall to murder us all. 
 
 Henry {clutching Percival). Oh ! Percy ! 
 
 Mrs. M. Why did 1 let Wilbur go away? 
 
 Percival {ivrenching himself away from Henry). I 
 don't know, but you'll never do it again if I can help it. 
 
 {Crosses to Florence, wlio turns away from him.) 
 
 Dorothy. But I know he isn't here. He 
 
 {She stops in confusion.) 
 
 Audrey. I heard of a tramp once who hid in the pantry 
 till the family were all in bed, and then cut every one of 
 their throats with a razor, and 
 
 Mrs. M. Oh ! Oh ! Oh ! 
 
 Mrs. C. I insist, Mr. Gale, that this house be searched 
 before any of us retire. 
 
 Billy. We'll begin upstairs. Come on, Percy. 
 
 Audrey. FU go in here. He may be under the bed. 
 
 {Exit into bedroom, followed by Mrs. C.) 
 
 Percival. Somebody go and tell the musicians to play 
 *<Home, Sweet Home," or we'll never get ridof those idiots 
 from town. 
 
 Mrs. M. {ivith a hurried glance toivard bedroom). FUgo: 
 
 {Exit, c.) 
 
34 
 
 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 Henry {to Billy). I say, what'll you do to the chap if 
 you calch him ? 
 
 Billy (^coldly). Tie him up for the night and hand him 
 over Lo the authorities in the morning. 
 
 Henry {with a gdsp). 0\\ ! How clever of you ! 
 
 (^He nudges Dorothy.) 
 
 Dorothy. Hush ! 
 
 Percival. Now, Billy, you and Miss Dudley and Miss 
 Brown can search up-stairs, and Fior — Miss Howe and 1 
 will ransack the premises down here. Who ever sees him 
 first, whistle. {He goes toward Yi.ory.^cr.) 
 
 Florence (coldly). Thank you. I'm not interested in 
 the affair at all. I'm going to bed. 
 
 ( Crosses tip stage. Just at this moment there is an exchwia- 
 tion from the bedroom. Florence stops, Henry and 
 Dorothy glance at each other in consternation, the men 
 start to go into bedroom, 7vhen Mrs. C. and Audrey 
 emerge, the former carrying a pair of blue serge trousers. 
 Mrs. M., entering ate, at the same 7noment, utters a 
 cry. Henry gives a groati, the others stand paralyzed.) 
 
 Mrs. M. The very clothes he had on when I saw him ! 
 Now, will you deny that he's hidden. here? 
 
 Billy. Well, if he is, he'd better stay hidden, I should 
 think. 
 
 Mrs. C. {dropping the trousers). Mr. Pearson ! 
 
 Dorothy. That's all very well, but what's the use of 
 finding trousers? Where's the man? 
 
 Percival {with determination). He's not far away. 
 Evidently the poor chap isn't right in his mind. 
 
 Mrs. M. a lunatic \ 
 
 Henry {with another gasp). Oil ! 
 
 Percival. If the poor fellow is out of his head, it's only 
 common humanity to find him and send him back to his 
 friends. Now, if you ladies will go to bed, Pearson and I 
 will keep our eyes open, and if he goes to prowling about, 
 we'll find him. There's no cause for alarm. 
 
 Mrs. C. That's a very sensible idea. Come, Audrey. 
 
 {Exeunt Mrs. C. ^«^ Audrey, c.) 
 Mrs. M. {taking the dinner bell, a huge one, from under 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 35 
 
 her dress aud putting it on the table). If you get liim ring 
 this, and we'll all couie down and help. Couie on, Florence. 
 
 Florence (//^^Z/^///^^). You'd better be careful. He- 
 he may be armed. 
 
 Percival {coolly). Thank you. 
 
 Florence. Good-night. 
 
 (Folloivs Mrs. M. slowly out at c. Percival gazes after 
 her while Henry and Dorothy are whispering.) 
 
 Henry {to Dorothy). You've got to get me my trou- 
 sers ! I tell you I won't sleep in a house without my trou- 
 sers. Suppose there's a fire? 
 
 Dorothy {soothingly). I'll step down and get them for 
 you when they're alf gone. {Then louder, for the others.) 
 Good-night, Fanny dear. 
 
 Henry. Good-night. (/« a whisper.) If you forget, 
 I'll give up the whole game ! {To the boys.) Good-night, 
 boys ! 
 
 Percival {gruffly). Good-night. (Billy crosses to r., 
 lights a cigarette. Henry goes into bedroom L. Dorothy 
 runs off at c. Percival stoops, picks up the trousers, and 
 han<rs them over a chair.) Anyhow, that's no way to treat 
 a good pair of trousers, if they do belong to a professor of 
 hypnotism ! 
 
 Billy. Professor of hypnotism be blowed ! That's noth- 
 ing but a sample of Angela Moffett's nonsense. There's no 
 professor of hypnotism on this place. 
 
 Percival. Then how do you account for those ? 
 
 {Points to trousers.) 
 
 Billy. Your precious Fanny Brown. 
 
 Percival. What do you mean ? 
 
 Billy {coming to him). I tell you that girl's an adven- 
 turess. She got those letters and made up her mind to make 
 a good thing of it. It's my impression that she belongs to 
 a gang of some sort, and that she's going to let 'em in here 
 to-night to burglarize the place. 
 
 Percival {alarmed). But she — the trousers ? 
 
 Billy. She's probably planning to make a quick get away 
 in men's clothes. I tell you I watched her when those trou- 
 sers were found, and she looked sick ! She's got a hand in 
 this business somewhere. 
 
36 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 Percival. I never thought of that. Maybe I'd better 
 find John and tell him to keep his eye on the house from the 
 outside. 
 
 Billy. Maybe you had. 
 
 Percival. I'll go at once. 
 
 {Exit, R.) 
 
 Billy {inakvolently). And maybe you'll have had 
 enough of inventing females for me to write love letters to 
 after this ! Well, anyhow, slie's safe enough in there now. 
 I guess I'll take a turn outside myself and smoke. This 
 business is getting on my nerves. 
 
 (^Exit, R.) 
 
 (Enter Dorothy, cautiously, at c. She. makes a sudden 
 grab for the trousers, and then runs to bedroom.) 
 
 Dorothy (/// a loud whisper). Henry ! 
 (Door opens and Henry's head appears, without the wig.) 
 
 Henry. Have you got them ? 
 
 Dorothy {handing them to him). Yes. What are you 
 going to do with them? 
 
 Henry (savagely). Do with 'em? I'm going to put 
 'em on ! 
 
 Dorothy. But you mustn't! You can't go back on 
 me. Now, you 
 
 Henry. 1 can't stand this game any longer for any- 
 body. ] haven't had a square breath for six hours, and my 
 feet feel as though they'd been put through a meat grinder. 
 1 tell you 
 
 Dorothy. Oh, please, Henry. It's working beautifully. 
 Don't spoil it. Now, do be reasonable! 
 
 Henry. 1 won't be reasonable. Here I've been danc- 
 ing my head off all evening with those two wooden heads, 
 to please you, and you ask me to be reasonable ! I've had 
 enough of Billy Pearson ; I don't care whether he gets into 
 the family or not. He's a mess. I want to put on my 
 trousers and have a smoke and be introduced to some of 
 the good-looking girls on the place, and I'm going to ! 
 
 Dorothy {angrily). Henry Dudley, if you dare do 
 such a thing, I'll— I'll tell father that you were arrested for 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 37 
 
 speeding again last month and that the fifty dollars you told 
 him was for books went to pay the fine ! So there ! 
 
 Henry. Oh, I say, sis 
 
 Dorothy. Yes, I will ! 1 (^Euter Billy, whis- 
 
 tlins;. Henry shuts the door. Dorothy turns, sees that 
 escape is impossible and faces Billy. In some einbarrass- 
 ment.) I — 1 came down to get a glass of water. 
 
 Billy {politely). Let me get it for you. 
 
 Dorothy. Thanks. I had it— in there. 
 
 (Points to Henry's room.) 
 
 Billy. Oh! {Pause.) I'm exceedingly obliged for those 
 dances. 
 
 Dorothy {seriously). I was sorry not to give them to 
 you, Billy, but you know it wouldn't have been fair. 
 
 Billy. Fair ! 
 
 Dorothy [very seriously). Yes, to her. 
 
 {Points to bedroom.) 
 
 Billy {wrathfully). Confound her ! 
 
 Dorothy. Don't try to put the blame on her shoulders ! 
 I didn't think that of you, Billy. 
 
 Billy {furiously). What the deuce do you mean? 
 
 Dorothy {severely). I have always thought that the 
 most cowardly thing a man could do was to win an inno- 
 cent girl's affections by his wicked arts, and then desert her 
 when he found some one he liked better ! 
 
 Billy (/;/ horror). Are you crazy, or am I? 
 
 Dorothy {putting her handkerchief to her eyes). I wish 
 I could explain your conduct that way ! Unfortunytely, 
 that broken-hearted child has confided in me, and 1 
 
 {A sound of cheerful 7u hist ling from bedroom.) 
 
 Billy {sneeringly). Sounds broken-hearted, don't she? 
 
 Dorothy. That's her pride. Every woman has some 
 pride. 
 
 Billy {fiercely). I tell you, I never said a word to that 
 girl to make her think that I 
 
 Dorothy. Oh, I know what you said to her. The same 
 thing every man says; and then is angry because the poor 
 girl remembers it after he's forgotten. 
 
38 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 BirxY {angrily). Look here, Dorothy ! For two cents 
 I'd lell you the truth about that girl. She 
 
 Dorothy {retreating, her hands over her ears). I don't 
 want to hear it ! 
 
 Billy. 1 tell you, she's an impostor ! She 
 
 DoKOTHY. I decline to hear another word on the sub- 
 ject. Mr. Pearson, 1 am more disappointed in you than I 
 can possibly tell you. Good -night. 
 
 {Goes tip stage. Billy starts after her.) 
 
 Billy. Oh, I say, wait a minute ! 
 
 {Enter Percival, a/ r.) 
 
 Dorothy. Not another word ! 
 
 (Exit at c. Billy turns to face Percival. They look at 
 each other in discouragement.) 
 
 Billy. Well, it's a nice mess we've made of this affair ! 
 
 Percival. Beautiful ! 
 
 Billy. I suppose we may as well make ourselves com- 
 fortable? 
 
 Pekcival {turning the lamp down a little). Help your- 
 self. Don't expect to sleep, myself. 
 
 (Billy takes soine cushio?is, throws them on the floor and 
 stretches out on them. Percival curls up on the sofa.) 
 
 Bilt,y. I say, Percy, do you {He is interrupted 
 
 by a snore from Percival.) Well, I give up ! If he can 
 sleep, with that blamed girl on his conscience, it's more 
 than I can ! 
 
 {He arranges his cushions more easily and begins to snore 
 himself. The curtains ate. are parted a ?id A\3T)V.¥,\, in 
 slippers and bathrobe, a lighted candle in her hand, comes 
 in. She glances at the two 7nen in disdain.) 
 
 Audrey. And they call this protecting the women ! 
 Ahem 1 
 
 {Both men jump up.) 
 
 Percival. Who's that ? 
 
 AuoKKV {uu-ca Stic ally). |t's only I. |'m sprry tP have 
 di^luibed your sluuibers. 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 39 
 
 Billy. We weren't asleep. We were meditating upon 
 the affair. 
 
 Audrey. Oh ! Well, I've made a discovery, and I 
 came down to tell you. 
 
 Both. A discovery ? What ? 
 
 Audrey {mysteriously). Come here. (They come toward 
 her ; she stands between them speaking very mysteriously.) 
 When I went up to my room, it was awfully hot, and 1 
 threw open my window and leaned out. You know my 
 room is right over that one. {Points to bedroom.) 
 
 Both. Yes, yes ! 
 
 Audrey. What do you suppose I saw ? 
 
 Percival. The professor ? 
 
 Audrey. I saw a lighted cigarette ; somebody was lean- 
 ing out of that window, smoi<ing ! 
 
 Billy. I told you that girl was an adventuress ! 
 
 Audrey {scornfully). Girl ! That's no girl ! 
 
 Both. What ? 
 
 Audrey. 1 suspected it when I heard her language; I 
 was sure of it when I saw her feet; but 1 knew it when 
 1 smelled that smoke ! 
 
 Percival. But who the deuce is he ? 
 
 Audrey. There's something very familiar about his 
 eyes. If I could see him without that wig 
 
 Billy {jumping and giving a sudden whistle). Eyes ! 
 You're right. Why didn't 1 think of it before ? Of course 
 it is ! They had the sophomore dramatics night before last, 
 an 1 he had a girl's part ! Whoopee ! 
 
 Percival. Well, any time you get ready ! 
 
 Audrey. What in the world are you talking about? 
 
 Billy {dramatically). Turn down the lights some more ! 
 Oh, this is the richest yet ! 
 
 Audrey (/// a resigned tone). I think he's crazy, but 
 you might as well humor him. 
 
 (Percival turns the la??ip a little loiver.) 
 
 Billy. Now, come closer! {They crowd up to him.) 
 That chap in there is Henry Dudley ! 
 
 Audrey. ) „., , 
 
 Pe.cval. [ ^^'^« ' 
 
 Billy, Nobody else. Dorothy has put him up to this 
 to get even with me for the Fanny Brown business. She's 
 got those letters. 
 
40 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 Pekcival. Well, I'll be darned ! 
 
 Audrey {mystified). What letters ? 
 
 Billy. Tliere's no time to explain. You do as I say, 
 and we'll make both of 'em sick over this. 
 
 Percival. Won't we, though ? 
 
 Audrey. You mean that Henry Dudley has been mak- 
 ing us all think he was a girl ? 
 
 Billy. Exactly. It never dawned on me till you said 
 that about his eyes. He's got Dorothy's eyes. I haven't 
 seen him but once or twice, but I know him all right. 
 (Percival makes a bolt for the bedr 00771 door. Billy grabs 
 hi/7i.) What are you going to do ? 
 
 Percival [savagely). I'm going to lick that kid within 
 an inch of his life. 
 
 Billy. Hold on 
 
 Audrey {grabbi?ig hi77i). Oh, he may be a lady ! 
 
 Percival (/// disgust). He may be a pussy cat ! Let 
 me go ! I'll 
 
 Billy. Hold on, I've got a better idea than that ! If 
 you two will play up when 1 say the word 
 
 Audrey. Hush ! She's coming out ! 
 
 (They crouch behind the table as Henry comes out dressed 
 in his own clothes, puffing a cigarette.) 
 
 Henry. If I had to keep those things on another minute 
 — I'd commit suicide ! 
 
 Billy (/;/ a hoarse whisper). Now ! Get him down ! 
 
 (He and Percival jtanp on Henry a7id bear him to the 
 ground doivn R. Audrey ri7igs the bell wildly.) 
 
 Henry. Here ! Drop that ! I say, that'll do ! W1io 
 are you, anyhow ? 
 
 Audrey {tearing the cord frotn her bathrobe). Here 1 
 Tie him with this ! 
 
 Percival {taking cord). Now, my fine young man, 
 we'll attend to your case ! 
 
 Audrey {spitefully). I'm a nice little girl, am I ? Oh, 
 you villain ! 
 
 Billy {grabbing another cord from portieres). Now, 
 professor, we'll just let you sit in this comfortable chair, 
 tied safely, because we don't want to lose you, and 
 
 {They put Henry /// the chair down r., tying hi7n to it.) 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 4I 
 
 Henry. Professor ! I'm no professor, I tell you. I'm 
 Henry Dudley. 1 
 
 (^Enter Mrs. C, Mrs. M., Florence ajid Dorothy at c, 
 in great excitement. They are all in kiinoiios, except 
 Dorothy, wlw is still in her evening dress. Mrs. C.'s 
 hair is in curlers. Mrs. M. wears a neat Utile boudoir 
 cap and clutches a poker. Dorothy runs to Henry.) 
 
 Billy. Oh, yes, we hear you, but we know better. 
 Henry Dudley doesn't arrive till to-morrow ! 
 
 Mrs. M. Oh ! He's the very man I met in the lane. 
 The hypnotist ! Oh, why did I let Wilbur go ! 
 
 {She sinks into a chair up L. Mus. C. tries to calm her.) 
 
 Henry. I tell you I'm not a hypnotist; I'm Henry 
 Dudley, and it was all a joke. 
 
 Billy. It'll be a very sad joke for you, my man, when 
 the authorities get hold of you. 
 
 Dorothy {down c). How dare you? I tell you he is 
 my brother. Untie that rope this minute ! 
 
 Mrs. M. No, it isn't safe ! I protest against that villain 
 being set free. 
 
 Dorothy. Billy Pearson, do as I say 1 
 
 Henry. And be quick about it. This infernal cord is 
 giving me a cramp. 
 
 Billy {down l., to the others'). Isn't it awful? I 
 wouldn't have supposed he could gain control over her so 
 easily. I thought she had such a strong mind. It only 
 shows how dangerous the fellow is. 
 
 Dorothy {indignantly). What do you mean ? 
 
 Billy {crossing to c, A?/^/V/^ Dorothy's hand soothingly). 
 There, you'll be all right in a little while. Don't look at 
 him : try to exert your will power. 
 
 Henry. Is anybody going to cut this rope, or are you 
 all crazy? 
 
 Dorothy. How dare you treat my brother like that ? 
 
 Billy, You must try to realize that you only imagine 
 him to be Henry. It's his deadly power that's holding you. 
 You must try to fight it off for my sake. 
 
 Dorothy {furiously). Oh, I could clioke you, Billy 
 Pearson I 
 
 Henry [kicking wildly). I will clioke him if some- 
 body'U cut this confounded rope I 
 
42 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 Percival. Here, quit that, none of your circus tricks 
 around here. I'll whistle to John to fetch the constable. 
 
 ( Goes up R. and calls.) 
 
 Mrs. C. {to Mrs. M.). Are you quite sure this is the 
 man, my dear? He's very harmless looking. 
 
 Mrs. M. Oh, yes, he tried to stop me in the lane when 
 I was coming home. He 
 
 {There is a sudden scream from Audrey, who runs dozvn 
 c. and drops to tlie floor in a crouching attitude. Percival 
 comes down L.) 
 
 Audrey. I won't be a dog I I won't 1 Pm a girl I 
 I — 
 
 Mrs. C. {rushing to her). My child I 
 Billy. Another 1 I was afraid of it. 
 Henry {savagely). You'd better be afraid. 
 
 (Dorothy tries to get hold of the rope, but Billy keeps her 
 away. She is furiously angry.) 
 
 Audrey {dozan on all fours, shaking her head furiously). 
 Bow — bow — bow wow 1 
 
 {She runs around, giving an imitation of a fussy small dog. 
 Mrs. C. swings her harids wildly.) 
 
 Dorothy. Billy Pearson, if you don't stop this business 
 histantly 1 shall send for the police myself. 
 Billy. My dear girl, what can /do? 
 
 (Percival suddenly drops down on all fours and with a 
 vicious snarl rushes at Audrey. Mrs. C. screams.) 
 
 Florence {luildly). Percival I Percival ! 
 
 (She is answered by a terrible groivl, as Fercival jumps 
 at Audrey.) 
 
 BiTXY. Great Scott ! A dog fight 1 {//e rushes at them 
 to separate thevi : Doroihy seizes the opportunity to free 
 Henry, ivho jumps to his feet ; Billy springs away from 
 tJie couple, his hand to his mouth, and goes doivn L.) He's 
 bitten me ! 
 
 {The wo?nen scream. Martha appears c, ivrapped in a 
 long coat.) 
 
THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 43 
 
 Martha {coining down c. ). For the love of Mike, what's 
 the matter ? 
 
 {There is silence in an instant. Percival and Audrey 
 collapse 071 the floor and look rather ashamed.) 
 
 Henry. This fellow 
 
 Dorothy {down r., stepping forward), Martha, have 
 you ever seen this young man before? 
 
 Martha {looking at Henry). No, I ain't. Who is he? 
 
 Dorothy. Did you see the professor of hypnotism at the 
 circus ? 
 
 Martha. Sure I did. A handsome feller he was, with 
 black hair and whiskers. 
 
 Mrs. M. (/// c). Whiskers! Oh!. 
 
 Dorothy. Then this isn't the professor? 
 
 Martha. Him? I should say not. Didn't I tell you 
 the professor was a real handsome feller ? 
 
 Percival {sitting up). That will do, Martha, you may 
 
 go- 
 
 Martha. Yes, sir. {She starts to go, then pattses, 
 
 glancing around the room.) Is it a play you're all practic- 
 ing, sir ? 
 
 Percival. Exactly. You may go. 
 
 Martha. Yes, sir. 
 
 {Exit, c.) 
 
 Mrs. M. And to think I never saw the professor after 
 all ! It only shows what the country does to one's nerves.. 
 I shall write to Wilbur to come at once. 
 
 ( Goes to desk and begins to write. ) 
 
 Mrs. C. {to Audrey). Get off that floor this instant ! 
 Audrey {scrambling to her feet). Yes, mother. 
 
 {She goes up c.) 
 
 Henry. I say, don't be hard on her. She's a jolly little 
 soul. She was trying to get even with me for a fresh remark 
 I made to her. 
 
 {He goes up c. to Mrs. C. and Audrey. They talk.) 
 
 Florence {running to Percival, doivn R.). Oh, Percy, 
 how could you frighten me like that ? 
 
44 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 
 
 Percival. My darling, can you ever forgive me ? 
 Florence. Yes, now that I know there is no Fanny 
 Brown. Was it all a joke of Dorothy's? 
 Percival. Well, mostly. 
 
 (Billy, down r. has bee?i stajidhtg sheepishly near Dorothy, 
 ivho is trying to be severe, but keeping her countenance with 
 difficulty.) 
 
 Dorothy. And now, what have you got to say for your- 
 self? 
 
 Billy. Well, I had to expose the kid somehow. How 
 did you find out about Fanny Brown ? 
 
 Dorothy {a little asha?ned). I overheard your talk with 
 Mr. Gale. I — I didn't mean to listen, but I — I couldn't 
 help it. It was horrid of you, Billy. 
 
 Billy (remorsefully'). Beastly. I did it because I was 
 afraid it was the only way I stood any chance with you. 
 
 Dorothy {softly). Was I as bad a flirt as all that ? 
 
 Billy. Awful 1 You've no idea. 
 
 Dorothy. Then I think you did just exactly right. 
 
 Billy. Dorothy I 
 
 {They embrace.) 
 
 curtain 
 
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