Class Book %13G &SL CopyiightN^ 10 COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT; Copyright 1908 by MARY B. HITCHCOCK All rights reserved Engraved and Printed by Gotham Press New York Cover Designed by Peninsular Paper Co. Ypsilanti, Mich. /JL Tales Out of School ABOUT IfiLk Naval Officers ' 3 7 (and others) B Y A Woman who has lived on a Man-of-War MARY E. HITCHCOCK u (Mrs. Roswku, D. Hitchcock) Author of Two Women in the Klondike GOTHAM PRESS PUBLISHERS New York lu&KARY of 'obNartEsSj MAY 1 W08 oopy s. nPO our Officers who have placed our beloved country in the front rank by their bravery and filled us with pride. . . . Who are kindly in time of peace .... dignified when the occasion demands. They have so keen a sense of humor that they do not in the least mind telling jokes about their comrades, or even about themselves. It does not in any way detract from their dignity nor from the respect which they feel for one another. The author desires in this little book to lift the veil and show how amusing and witty they are. There is a time to be brave, a time to be serious. There is also a time for mirth. May this be the time, auspicious. THE ADMIRAL WHO KEPT A SAILORS' BOARDING- HOUSE HOW ADMIRAL K IN- TERRUPTED A CAUDLE LECTURE ADMIRAL K 'S REPLY TO HIS WOULD-BE SON-IN-LAW THE ADMIRAL WHO KEPT A SAILOR'S BOARDING HOUSE. There was a certain Admiral K whom everyone in the Navy will remember. When he was a captain he had command of the Receiving Ship at the New York Navy Yard. Shortly after being assigned to this command, he was invited to be the guest of honor at a dinner at one of New York's prominent clubs. Reaching there nearly an hour before the appointed time, he found no one to welcome him. As he wandered through the rooms he was approached by a very fresh young "dude" who said: "Ah! Ah! your face is very familiar. Haven't I met you be- fore?" "Probably you have." " Where do you live?" "Oh! over in Brooklyn, where I keep a sailor's boarding-house/' Without replying the fop turned on his heel and walked away, evi- dently having decided to drop the acquaintance. Not until he was called upon to be presented to the guest of honor did he learn what a very high-toned "sailor's boarding-house" this naval of- ficer commanded. HOW ADMIRAL K INTER- RUPTED A CAUDLE LECTURE. Another story which was told me by this same admiral seems rather improbable, but he swore that it was "gospel truth." In his younger days he was very fond of attending the races. His wife highly disapproved of such dissipation and strongly but uselessly protested. One night, having returned later than usual, he found his wife sitting up in bed, waiting for him, as some wives have a habit of doing. The following conver- sation took place: "Where have you been?" "Where do you suppose?" "Where do I suppose? To the races as usual, after all your promises." "Now listen, old lady" (affec- tionately). "How much money have you lost?" "Listen!" "How much money have you lost?" "Well — I'm going to tell you about it." "How much money have you lost?" "Not a cent! Look at this!" and out came a great roll of bills. I've won all this! and now will you listen? If you'll let up on that caudle lecture and go to sleep and never say another word about it, I'll give you half!!!" "Let me count it." The money was handed over, carefully counted, one half re- turned to the winner, the other half neatly rolled up and tucked 10 under the pillow, upon which the pretty head of the admiral's "guiding star" reposed as she closed her eyes and wooed sweet slumber. 11 . ADMIRAL K 'S REPLY TO HIS WOULD-BE SON-IN-LAW. Admiral K was devoted to his wife and children. When one of his officers re- quested the hand of his daughter in marriage he asked the usual question as to means of sup- port. "Why, Admiral," said the ap- plicant, "I have as much as you had when you married her mother." "Oh, no you haven't," replied the admiral. "I had a father-in- law who was begging me to come and live with him and you haven't." 12 HOW JACK FIXED THE "SKY-PILOT" HOW JACK FIXED THE "SKY-PILOT." A chaplain in the Navy gave me the following story for this collection : He was deeply interested in every sailor on his ship, but par- ticularly so in Jack Wheeler. He felt that if he could only per- suade him to give up whiskey he could make a fine man of him. His heart and mind were so filled with a great desire to save this soul from the enemy that was trying to encompass him that Jack became annoyed at re- ceiving too much attention, con- sequently his heart and mind were filled with a determination to circumvent the plans of the "Sky-Pilot." Many a time when Jack emerged from one of the numer- ous saloons which beset the 15 pathway to his particular navy yard he would find the faithful chaplain waiting to offer him a friendly arm and as equally friendly advice. Jack's protests were in vain. At last he contracted the habit of looking up and down the street before emerging from a saloon to discover if his would-be pro- tector was in sight. Whenever he saw him he punished him by going back immediately for an extra drink. The punishment had its effect. The devoted chaplain, instead of waiting to escort his prot6g6 back to the ship, decided to con- ceal himself in the shade of a friendly tree or doorway. Late one night, from his point of vantage, he watched Jack emerge, look carefully about, 16 then heard him chuckle: "Fooled him this time! Thought Td tire him out !" As Jack reached the corner and looked carefully about, he caught sight of his shadow. Shaking his forefinger at it he shouted: "So you're here again! after all my warnings! Didn't I tell you that I was not going to to be followed like this? Well, I bet I'll tire you out! I'm just go- ing to sit down on this nice soft gutter and here I'm going to stop." After a long wait Jack arose with much difficulty. The shadow rose with him. Jack tried to run away, but it kept pace with him. Several times he stopped and engaged in a one-sided conver- sation, but getting no reply, he 17 continued his way to the navy yard. Finally in exasperation he stopped, turned and addressed the shadow in these words: "Now look a-here! I'm tired of this following. I don't care if you did know my father and mother; that's no reason why you should dog- my footsteps wherever I go ! Now it's got to be stopped or else there'll be something lively a doing! Do you hear? Do you hear, I say! "Oh, you're sulking, are you? Well let me tell you one thing — I'd a put a head on you long ago if you'd not been a sky-pilot! If you don't clear out I'm going to do it now!" Just then clouds covered the face of the moon — the shadow disappeared. 18 Jack chuckled. "That's what fixed him! Afraid of getting a head on him! Why didn't I think of that before?" 19 WHY THE ORDER WAS IS- SUED FORBIDDING WOMEN TO LIVE ON A MAN- OF-WAR WHY THE ORDER WAS ISSUED FOR- BIDDING WOMEN TO LIVE ON A MAN-OF-WAR. We were cruising in the Mediterranean in 18 — . One week only was alloted us for Nice. How much that was de- lightful had been crowded into that short week! We had been entertained officially and socially. The last day had arrived. We celebrated it by giving a farewell luncheon, reception and dinner. The festivities had come to an end. A dozen guests were wait- ing to wish us God-speed, as we were to "steam" away in the early morn. "Madame remains on board?" asked one of the French officers. "Yes, Madame lives on board." "But in our country it is not 23 permitted for a lady to live on a man-of-war/' "Neither is it in ours/' replied one of our American guests, "but there are occasional exceptions, as in this case." By the way, perhaps it may in- terest you to learn that I was the direct cause of that order be- ing issued, and if it is not too late I will tell the story. "Many years ago/' began our American guest, "I was an of- ficer of the United States Navy. "I had been married but a short time to the sweetest woman in the world when orders came for me to take command of a sea- going vessel. "We were in despair until per- mission came for my bride to live on board. "She was an only child, a great 24 '- heiress, and accustomed to com- mand. "At the first port we visited, while driving through the park, my wife's attention was attracted to the tropical flowers just in bloom. "She sweetly asked me to gather some of them for her. I explained that it was against the law to do so. She stopped the carriage, got out, and with her pretty nose tilted high in sign of scorn for the 'the man who did not dare/ began breaking off branch after branch, notwith- standing my protests. "A policeman appeared and told her courteously that she was committing an unlawful act. "She turned upon him with an air of hauteur and great surprise; after gazing at him until the 25 man seemed paralyzed, said: 'How dare you address me in that style? How dare you?' She quietly and gracefully got into the carriage and gave the order to drive on, leaving the police- man too astonished to speak. "We got out of that port safely — but at the next! "We had been swinging at an- chor a couple of days. "The men had been given lib- erty and were enjoying it. "Late one night there was great commotion on deck. A sailor had come on board so drunk that he felt competent to wipe out the entire ship's crew and was loudly threatening to do so. "Trying not to waken my wife, I slipped quietly on deck and soon had the mutineer in irons. 26 "Just as he was being* led away by the 'master-at-arms' a pretty head appeared above the companion-way, a female voice inquired in scornful accents, 'Who put those cruel irons on that man?' Then pointing at me, she commanded, 'Take them off, you brute you!' "Shortly after another sailor came on board drunk. It w r as long- after midnight. The dis- turbance he created roused every- one on board. As I sprang out of bed to go where duty called, a figure clad in white rushed up the companion-way, locked the doors, was down before I could reach her and threw the key out of the air-port. As I explained that every one on board would brand me as a coward if I failed to appear she wept and said: 27 'Let them! You are worth more than all the others combined. I heard him shout he was going to kill you. Let him kill them in- stead/ "I did the only thing left for me to do. Sent in my resigna- tion. Of course the stories soon reached headquarters in Wash- ington, after which came the or- der prohibiting women from liv- ing on men-of-war. "Of course that all happened in the 'Old Navy/ Sailors do not get intoxicated nowadays/' 28 ADMIRAL SIGSBEE'S STORIES. BY HIMSELF. WITH THE ADDITION OF ONE I KNOW ABOUT HIM THE SHOEMAKER'S LETTER ABOUT COMMANDER LA ROCHA OF THE ROYAL SPANISH NAVY ADMIRAL SIGSBEE AND THE "DAUGHTERS OF THE GRAND ARMY" A TERRIBLE THUNDER STORM AND WHAT HAPPENED ADMIRAL SIGSBEE'S STORIES. BY HIMSELF, WITH THE ADDITION OF ONE I KNOW ABOUT HIM. THE SHOEMAKER'S LETTER. ABOUT COMMANDER LA ROCHA OF THE ROYAL SPANISH NAVY. ADMIRAL SIGSBEE AND THE "DAUGHTERS OF THE GRAND ARMY." In writing to chide Admiral Sigsbee for not sending me a story in answer to my request I also sympathized with him in having such a tremendous amount of work in hand that it could cause him to forget an old friend. Here is his reply: Dear Mrs. Hitchcock: I am so very glad that that sunny temper of yours has not held againsft me my failure to respond quickly. You ask me for stories. It is very difficult to call up a 31 story except on the inspiration of one told by another. Here is something- concerning the Maine: After the loss of the Maine, and at the beginning of the Spanish-American War, I got a letter from a shoemaker as fol- lows: Dear Sir: — If you will give me the shoes in which you were blown up on board the Maine to put in my show window, I will make you a pair of shoes with which you can kick all the navies of the world into Kingdom come. These, shoes were virtually the only things worth having that I saved from the Maine, and I was wearing them when I received this letter. I was also wearing them when 32 I visited the wreck of the Maria Theresa. The sole of one of them caught under a gangway cleat and was torn off. Here is another story: Perhaps you will remember that on June 22, 1908, the Saint Paul, under my command, was attacked off San Juan, Porto Rico, by the Spanish cruiser Isabella II, and the destroyer Terror. The destroyer made her dash at the Saint Paul to torpedo the latter. The Saint Paul accepted the attack. The destroyer lost five killed and seven wounded out of sev- enty in her crew. She was badly damaged, and barely managed to get back to port without assistance. 33 She was of no further use to the Spaniards during the war. The attack was made in the day- time, which w r as a great mistake. The commander of the Terror was Commander la Rocha. The Saint Paul was not touched. Commander la Rocha was tried before a court in Spain where it was considered that he had not done well in his attack. About a year ago, at San Juan, I contended to an ex- Spanish officer, who was a great friend of La Rocha, that La Rocha had made a very gallant dash at the Saint Paul, and had done quite right in steaming away and saving his vessel when it was damaged beyond all fur- ther usefulness. As to the attack being made in 34 the daytime the ex-Spanish of- ficer said that La Rocha was or- dered to do so by higher au- thority. My commendation of Com- mander la Rocha was published in the San Juan papers, and later in the Spanish papers under the heading: "The Distinguished Rear-Ad- miral Sigsbee Rehabilitates Com- mander la Rocha." Commander la Rocha became insane, and died but a few months ago. His widow has since writ- ten me a kind letter and has sent me two pictures of "The Terror." Certainly his widow has my great sympathy, and I regret that so gallant an antagonist should have suffered. I will now give you some sto- ries personal to myself. Once I 35 was induced to attend a meeting of the "Daughters of the Grand Army" under promise that I need not make a speech, alas ! the chief orator failed the "Daughters" and I was compelled — but very charmingly — to say something. The audience, almost to a man, were women. I got in touch with them by saying that naval officers were not orators and could do but lit- tle on shore. But, said I, there are three things that a naval officer can do thoroughly well on shore. First — he can ride a horse. Second — he can manage a farm. Third — he can hold a baby. This gave me a bit of a start. am There! Will these do for 36 stories ? I could tell them by the week at a social party where each member would do his part. Believe me, dear Mrs. Hitch- cock, always and most faithfully your sincere friend, Charles D. Sigsbee. As I know at least one story of the Admiral quite as interest- ing as anything he has written for this collection I cannot re- frain from adding it. 37 A TERRIBLE THUNDER STORM IN WASHINGTON AND WHAT HAP- PENED. Many years ago when my hus- band was stationed in Washing- ton we were in the habit of hav- ing eleven o'clock suppers. Our guests were principally naval of- ficers and their wives. Admiral and Mrs. Sigsbee, being near neighbors, were very often with us. Upon one occasion there was a terrific storm raging which no one who was in Washington at that time can ever forget. It un- roofed houses, uprooted trees. The thunder was like heavy can- nonading; the lightning blinding. Suddenly there was a terrible thunder clap, followed by the crashing and falling of a majestic tree just outside the house. 38 As we waited, spellbound, the door-bell rang violently. A dusky maiden, wet to the skin, was admitted. She rushed through the hall and into the din- ing-room shouting: "Oh, Massa Sigsbee! Oh, Massa Cap'n! de roofs done blowed offen der house an' we all's a gitten wet! Der Missus say come home straight quick!" Had it not been for the tracks left by her dripping garments it would have seemed as though but a vision had appeared, so quickly did the messenger vanish. Sigsbee (who was then a cap- tain) held out his glass to be re- filled with punch. "Why, Capt. Sigsbee! aren't you going?" I exclaimed in sur- prise. "Oh, there is no hurry, " he re- 39 plied in his cool, deliberate man- ner. "If the roof is off the house, Til need this to fortify me; if not, well then, I think I'll need it all the more." 40 THE UNWELCOME GUEST ON BOARD THE U. S. S. ' NORFOLK, VIRGINIA THE UNWELCOME GUEST ON BOARD THE U. S. S. ' NOR- FOLK, VIRGINIA. That human nature is the same the world over and that we are inclined to see beauty in things which belong to our friends and to us, even when there is no beauty, is demonstrated by the following story: I had been invited, with a few friends, to lunch on board a man- of-war stationed in the harbor near Norfolk, Virginia. As we approached the wharf we were followed by an under- sized yellow dog who bestowed upon us the usual friendly wags and greetings which yellow dogs seldom fail to give. It tumbled into the captain's gig, which was waiting for us, 43 and climbed the gangway ladder at our heels. Once on deck, its joy knew no bounds. It almost wagged its tail off at each officer who greeted us, and was so genuinely friendly, that each one patted it and made some kindly remark. Thinking the dog belonged to one of the officers, we praised the beauty it suddenly developed in our eyes. Finally, after it had been enthusiastically praised, I said: "Yes! he is a darling! To whom does he belong?" "Why! does he not belong to your party?" asked one of the of- ficers in great surprise. "No! he just followed us! We thought he belonged on board." As we descended for luncheon we realized that the beautiful dog had been transformed into a 44 common yellow cur as we heard the order, "Get that cur on shore !" 45 VESUVIO IN CHARLESTON, S. C, "THE BEAUTIFUL CITY BY THE SEA" 1/ be cd Ph o tfi VESUVIO IN CHARLESTON, S. C, "THE BEAUTIFUL CITY BY THE SEA." In 1890 we cruised along the Atlantic Coast with headquarters at Charleston/' the beautiful city by the sea/' We had with us a dog named Vesuvio. He was a mag- nificent specimen of a great Dane and was not only well known in Charleston, but in every port to the southernmost point. One Summer as we were about to leave for a vacation in the North we were persuaded by the veterinary surgeon to leave Vesuvio out at his dog farm for the beneficial effect of country air and good care. Upon our return many Char- lestonians said, "Oh, poor Vesuvio, you would scarcely know him. He has been nearly 49 starved to death and is so thin you can almost see every bone in his body." Vesuvio was hastily sent for — the "veterinary" had a mauvais quart-d'heure in explaining- the beneficial effects of the thinning process by well regulated diet. A few weeks later, when Vesuvio had taken on flesh so that he tipped the scales at 200 pounds, the veterinary surgeon called. He announced that there was to be a big evening parade through the streets of Charles- ton. Men of all professions were to show by their "floats" what they could do. He wanted Vesuvio to place on his float. His request was indig- nantly refused. The surgeon 50 continued to urge, and so well did he plead his cause that when he finally told of the large and beautiful cage he had had made for Vesuvio he gained his point. The night for the great pro- cession arrived. All who had houses along the line of march invited their friends to witness the parade. On the balcony of one of the most fashionable mansions of the Battery, surrounded by Char- leston's fairest and most ex- clusive society leaders, we stood waiting and watching for Vesu- vio. Long before his approach we heard the cry, "Here comes Vesuvio! Here comes Vesuvio !" In a great golden (?) cage!, over which hung a canopy of ex- quisite flowers, stood the noble beast as though, indeed, monarch 51 of all he surveyed. But oh! the pity of it— in big letters which could escape the observation of none — was the sign, "I use Spratts' Dog Biscuit." 52 CAPTAIN D 'S DE- FENCE OF OUR FAITH- FUL FRIEND JACK GOLDEN SILENCE CAPTAIN D 'S DEFENCE OF OUR FAITHFUL FRIEND JACK GOLDEN SILENCE. A certain captain, during his cruise in Japan, spent much time in searching for a pair of pure blooded Japanese dogs. The very finest of the breed are so small that the Japanese women carry them in the sleeves of their kimonos. The captain finally succeeded in securing two of the greatest beauties that had ever been seen in the country. They were hardly longer than his hand. On reaching the Pacific Coast he gave a large reception on board ship in return for many courtesies and much hospitality. After hundreds of guests had seen and admired his tiny pets 55 and they had been sent below, a woman arrived in great state, fol- lowed by a curious looking dog with small beady eyes, a long pointed nose, and large as a fox terrier. She was cordially welcomed by captain and officers. The former patted her dog and asked to what race it belonged. The visitor attracted the at- tention of all those surrounding the little group by exclaiming in loud tones, "Is it possible, Cap- tain? Is it possible that you can have lived three years in Japan and yet fail to recognize a full blooded Japanese dog?" Heads were turned quickly away; stifled sounds were heard from all sides. When the captain was able to control his voice he said in his 56 most dignified manner: "Where did you secure this Japanese dog, Madame?" "He came straight from Japan on your own ship," was the re- ply, "and I purchased him from one of your own sailors." 57 A number of citizens visiting a man-of-war were discussing the merits of different dog foods. "I always use dog-biscuit for mine," said one. "I never use anything but pup- py-biscuit," ejaculated the dude. "Who prescribed it for you?" quickly asked the smart-Aleck. 58 LIEUT. K- PRINCE PALEOLOGUE AND THE PROFESSIONAL DOG- BARBER LIEUT. K , PRINCE PALEOL- OGUE AND THE PROFESSIONAL DOG-BARBER. One of the best dog stories I have ever listened to was given me by Prince Paleologue for this collection. As he feels confident that it was never printed, I take the chance and insert it in this book. An American naval officer, one of the few who unfortunately had not learned to speak French, went to Paris on a short leave of absence. Strolling along the Quai one morning, he happened to see a "professional dog barber" at work and went down to watch the toilet of a French poodle. The barber smiled, bowed, and pointing to a dog that was fol- lowing the officer suggested that 61 a bath would improve his ap- pearance. Upon being addressed, the of- ficer smilingly returned the salu- tation, whereupon the barber and his assistant caught the dog and gave him a thorough cleaning. The desirability of a combing was then suggested. The officer, not understanding, continued to reply with a smile and bow each time he was spoken to. The barber then proposed that the dog should be treated to a "Complet," which means trim- ming, perfuming, etc., etc. Another friendly smile and nod as the officer watched with great interest the intricacies of the toilet. Finally the barber proposed that the dog's hair should be tied with ribbons. 62 The broad smile of the officer encouraged the barber to do his best. As last, as he could think of nothing* more, he stopped re- gretfully, scribbled a long list of items on a piece of paper and then presented it with a most obsequious bow to the friendly but non-talkative individual whom he supposed to be an Am- erican millionaire. The officer accepted the sou- venir, bowed, put it in his pocket, said good-bye and started to re- turn to his hotel. The barber, gesticulating vio- lently, stood before him, in order to prevent his departure, explain- ing that he had only charged the correct price. A small crowd began to gather. At this point Prince Paleologue 63 passed. Seeing a foreigner in difficulty, he went down the steps to inquire if he could be of ser- vice. He looked over the bill which the barber procured and handed him, and then told the officer that the items were perfectly correct. Finding that the stranger did not understand French, he ex- plained to him in English. "But," was the reply, "why should I pay for this? The dog does not belong to me." As this speech was interpreted to the one who had so carefully arranged the toilet of the dog there was a howl from the crowd. Needless to say, the poor beast was immediately deprived of his ribbons and vigorously aided on his journey. 64 THE COMMODORE WHO TRIED TO SPEAK FRENCH Who Also Snored, But Not Always THE COMMODORE WHO TRIED TO SPEAK FRENCH. WHO Al^SO SNORED, BUT NOT ALWAYS Once upon a time a certain Commodore was dining with me at my hotel in a French port where our ships had been sta- tioned for three months. It was a table d'hote dinner. One of the dishes so pleased the palate of the Commodore that he said: "Do you mind if I ask the waiter to pass that dish again ?" Permission being promptly given, he called, "Garcon! gar- con! donnez-moi un petit pev plus de cette etoffe la! Je suis grande femme ce soir." After dinner the Commodore told the following story: "The other night I was awak- ened by the officer on watch, who said: 'Beg your pardon, Commo- 67 \ dore! Beg your pardon! but you were snoring so hard and seemed to be in such distress that I took the liberty of coming in to turn you on your side/ 'All right! all right !' said I 'Much obliged! You'll find the whis- key on the sideboard!" "The very next time that of- ficer was on watch I heard him enter my cabin, walk to the side of my bunk, when he laid hands upon me and attempted to turn me over. "'What's the matter?' I ex- claimed. " 'Beg your pardon, Commo- dore! Beg your pardon! but you were snoring so hard ' (C (i 'That's all right, young man. The whiskey's on the sideboard, but I've not yet been asleep! I heard you come in.' " 68 A ROYAL PAIR Meaning the Most Genial of Kings and the Most Strenu- ous and Versatile of Emperors A ROYAL PAIR. Did you ever visit Cowes dur- ing the yachting season? In the early eighties I was one of a delightful party — guest of a charming yachtsman on whose floating palace time passed so en- chanting^ly that we would fain have remained forever. The Em- peror of Germany, on the Ho- henzollern, and the present King of England, on the royal yacht, were near neighbors, making the harbor very gay. There were luncheons and din- ners afloat and at the club, but the most interesting thing for Americans was to lunch at the little hotel on shore, where famous men and equally cele- brated women stood on line, wait- ing for a table, and then, instead of being obsequiously served, as 71 they would have been at New- port, Bar Harbor or other sum- mer resorts, the men, plate in hand, wandered English fashion to side tables, cutting a dainty bit from a choice joint, or helping themselves and their guests from any dish which tempted their fancy or appetite. In the afternoon we would stray into the club to watch the races and have a cup of tea or an ice. It was all pleasure, all excite- ment. The most novel part of the en- tire proceeding to an American was, that each one tried to sur- pass his neighbor in being demo- cratic. The United States Flagship, a thing of beauty, was in the har- bor. 72 Our host and his guests had been lunching on board with Admiral and Mrs. . As we adjourned to the deck for coffee, I exclaimed, "Here comes the Meteor! I wonder who is on board !" The glasses were quickly- brought into requisition, reveal- ing the then Prince of Wales with his imperial nephew. A battered looking hat pro- tected the head of one of the twain. On the impulse of the moment I whispered a challenge to the admiral, with the result that two moments later his band was loudly playing "Where Did You Get That Hat?" to the intense amusement of the royal pair. 73 ADMIRAL PORTER'S EX- PLANATION OF WHAT MOSQUITOES ARE GOOD FOR ADMIRAL PORTER'S EXPLANATION OF WHAT MOSQUITOES ARE GOOD FOR. "Don't you know what mos- quitoes are good for?" asked a friend of mine. "I do ! Admiral Porter told me when I was a young girl. He said he had been cruising off the coast of South America. When his ship reached port everyone was allowed to go on shore except a corporal's guard and the cook's son. The hatches had been left open and of course this boy had to fall through. He was picked up badly in- jured. The surgeon was sent for while he was undressed and laid on the table so that a search for broken bones might be made. As the boat came alongside 77 those in charge of the patient left him alone in order to go and break the news gently to the cook. The surgeon, on entering to examine the patient, exclaimed, "What is this black mass?" The boy was simply covered with mosquitoes. They were swept away with a fly-brush. After careful examination the surgeon said to the anxious par- ent, "The mosquitoes have saved him from congestion of the brain. They have bled him just as I should have done." 78 HOW A MISSIONARY WAS MADE BY TALES OF A NAVAL OFFICER HOW A MISSIONARY WAS MADE BY TALES OF A NAVAL OFFICER. We all know the intense love that naval officers have for mis- sionaries — the many sacrifices they make in order to assist them in teaching and Christianizing the heathen. How they teach their children to give up sweets, luxuries and sometimes even necessities that they may save the pennies to send to Greenland's icy moun- tains or to India's coral strands. How they apply time and again to the Navy Department to send their ships away from Newport, Bar Harbor, Old Point Comfort, Nice and other Mediterranean ports where they are being tempted to pass their time in friv- olous amusements, and to be per- mitted to go to the smaller ports 81 unbeaten tracks where they may enjoy the pleasure of placing themselves and their ships at the service of those who are en- gaged in a holy calling. In all parts of the world there are missionaries — good men and women, doing noble work which commands our respect, love and admiration — but occasionally a black sheep slips into the fold, just as black sheep slip into every fold. I cannot tell whether the one now to be described will be black or white. You must read the story and judge for yourself. A certain captain told me, that on his return to the Unites States from Japan, having a "show ship/' he had many visitors on board. Among them was a young man who called very often. He was 82 intensely interested in stories of China and Japan, and constantly bewailed his fate at being obliged to remain quietly at home when so many others had delightful op- portunities for travel. Some years after, our Captain met the mother of this young man and said: "What has be- come of your son? I have not seen him for a long while !" The mother folded her hands, looked toward Heaven with an air of resignation as she said with a sigh: "My poor son! My poor son ! When he was a babe I gave him to the Lord! Now that the Lord has seen fit to call him to that heathen country — Japan — as a missionary, I can only say, 'His will be done V " 83 MRS. ADMIRAL AND MRS. JUNIOR LIEUTENANT MRS. ADMIRAL AND MRS. JUNIOR LIEUTENANT. Once upon a time in "The Old Navy" a very prominent admiral had command of a very prom- inent fleet. His wife, who had married late in life, had a most exalted idea of her rank — far more exalted than the dear old admiral had of his. She expected the wives of all officers on her husband's ship to touch their bonnets to her. She demanded the most ob- sequious attention. At a fete which was given by a royal personage she was seated at a small table surrounded by the wives of her captains. The table was about fifteen feet from the "royal table." A certain captain's wife turned 87 to address a few remarks to Mrs. Admiral, when she was sharply rebuked by the latter in these words: "Turn around at once, Mrs. S. ! Don't you know any bet- ter than to turn your back on royalty?" Some one whispered, "Which is royalty, the Queen, or Mrs. Admiral?" 88 A tea was given by one of the officer's wives. A young bride, wife of a poor lieutenant, had not been in the navy long enough to be inspired with awe by any woman of high or low rank. She belonged to New York's smartest set. She rose to take her leave, explaining to her hostess that she was obliged to keep an engagement of much im- portance. As she started toward the door Mrs. Admiral said: "I beg your pardon, Mrs. Junior Lieutenant, but you don't seem to realize that my rank entitles me to a little consideration, and that no one should leave before I do." Mrs. Junior Lieutenant turned to her hostess and said in a most nonchalant manner: 89 "Will you allow me to look at your navy register ?" The book was handed her. Si- lence reigned as Mrs. Junior Lieutenant coolly turned the pages and finally looking Mrs. Admiral directly in the eyes, said: "I don't see your name or rank in this book, which is an authorized edition." The silence was alarming and predicted a tempest as Mrs. Junior Lieutenant smilingly left the room. A JAPANESE MAID Vicissitudes of Foreign Life in Far-Off Nippon This story appeared in the Boston Transcript August 12, 1903. It was copied in the New York Evening Post August 15, 1903, due credit being given to the Bos- ton Transcript and to its author, Mary E. Hitchcock. 91 A JAPANESE MAID. "From the moment we touched the shore of that beautiful coun- try which the French call "Le beau Nippon," our faces were wreathed in smiles ; but when we seated ourselves in the baby car- riages, known as jinrickishas, while "J a P s " got between the shafts, trotting off with us at a rattling pace, we broke into hearty laughter at the novelty and pleasure of the unique situa- tion. The Admiral's wife did protest just at first, saying she thought it very cruel to permit one's self to be drawn by a human being. She even held her breath, hoping to make her two hundred pounds a less heavy burden for the man who, I am confident, never no- ticed the difference. She soon en- 93 tered into the fun of the thing, however, and, would you be- lieve it — before the end of our stay in Yokohama, learned to shout "Hiako! Hiako!" (faster! faster!) to her beast of burden, quite as emphatically as the na- tives themselves. We had so many strange and amusing experiences during our two years' stay in the Orient that it is difficult to select from the great box of manuscript before me the little story requested. I will shut my eyes and draw one at random. Why, it is about Ah- ma, my Japanese maid. What a funny little thing she was, to be sure! Of course, if you are a woman hoping to visit the Ori- ent you will want to know how we secured the services of these most interesting diminutive creatures. 94 "We," in this case, means quite a party of the wives of officers who were following" the United States man-of-war , and enjoying it, too, until Secretary Chandler issued his famous "Woman order": "No more women allowed to follow the ships !" Some obeyed, some pro- tested loudly, saying that they had a perfect right to go where they pleased. They had never sworn to love, honor and obey Secretary Chandler, and had no intention of doing so. He had no right to tell them to go home and live with their parents while their husbands were cruising. That was perfectly true — but — he had the right to detach their hus- bands, and leave them "high and dry on the beach," which he promptly proceeded to do, thus 95 interfering with the rights of free-born woman in free-born America. You may imagine the storm which followed, but that is another story. To return to Ahma. We were warned not on any account to hire a maid who had lived with our own country- women or with Europeans, who invariably spoiled them. We were directed to the con- vent, where the sisters had been carefully training girls of good family and reputation for the ser- vice of foreigners; so to the con- vent we all went. My choice was a dear little- roly-poly who seemed the soul of good nature. I felt quite proud of my new acquisition as I drove back to the hotel. 96 Not for long did she belong to me, however, for no sooner had she and my five-year-old "Dolly" clapped eyes upon each other than they became inseparable. Roly-Poly, with her twenty- four years, seemed the bigger baby of the two as they played and romped together, but when bedtime came — ah ! then how the little maid lavished upon sleepy Dolly a world of such motherly tenderness as she had never known herself, for the good sis- ters had taken her as a babe from arms which were pressing her tightly to a heart which had long since ceased to beat. Dolly at times had her im- perious moods. She apologized to Ahma after an outburst of tem- per, but not for one moment would the maid admit that her 97 little mistress was in the wrong, as she explained to me: "Dolly- San inside — allee time good — just now — outside — little bit closs (cross) have got. Plenty people allee time inside bad." She had names of her own for each caller. It was impossible for her to announce them except in her own way. An officer who is now a captain in the United States Navy (who will smile as he reads this) was invariably ushered into my presence with these words: "Please, Missee- San, nice face young man have got." One never-to-be-forgotten day Dolly and I discovered Roly- Poly sobbing and weeping as though her heart would break. To all inquiries we could only get the occasional reply: "No wantchee talk." 98 I left her with Dolly, who soon hastened to me, her big eyes overflowing with tears as she sobbed, "Oh, mamma! Ahma's father is dead !" Here was some- thing tangible ; we could now of- fer consolation, but found it of no avail. Ahma wanted to be alone with her grief, and her wishes were respected. Time, which often assuages sorrow, seemed to have no effect in this case. Roly-Poly wept for days and for weeks — until I felt that some- thing must be done. The cause of her despair came to light when we asked if she did not think her father much hap- pier in heaven than on earth. "Oh, no! no!" she quickly re- plied, "my father down-side have gone. My father no Catholic 99 have got. Sister say, 'No Cath- olic — Top-Side Man no likee — no wantchee/ Say down-side must go." The men-of-war were all or- dered to Hong Kong. There was excitement and gayety in the camp among the wives of the of- ficers as they began preparations for departure — then came an aw- ful edict. We must leave our little maids behind us. We re- belled, protested, and finally learned that by going to Japan- ese headquarters and signing papers that we would be responsi- ble for their safe return, all dif- ficulties would be removed. This we did and we liked Japan the better for her careful laws of protection. Our consul continued to protest, however, or rather to advise, declaring that 100 we did not realize the responsi- bility we were incurring in taking these timid little creatures to China, where they would be sur- rounded by hordes of people whose language they could not understand; we soon did realize it, however, when after three weeks' stay in Hong Kong, two maidens stood pleading for a day off, to be spent in sight-seeing. We demurred, argued, and pre- sented imaginary terrors of all kinds to the persistent, de- termined, obstinate applicants with their great longing to see something of a new world. They were "not babies" — they had picked up a few words of Chinese and knew perfectly well how to take care of themselves. At last their insistent urging brought the desired reward. 101 We felt awful misgiving's as the last click, click from their sandals on the stone pavement died away. They left early in the morn- ing. After tiffin we began to look for their return — but night came and brought no sign of the sight- seers. What had happened? What should we do? At last we heard the welcome click-click for which our anxious ears had long been waiting. How rapidly the footsteps approached! Our gentle-mannered Ahmas burst into the room as though some wild beast were in pur- suit ! How excited they were ! They talked in unison and so vociferously that they were un- intelligible. A friend to whom we had sent 102 for advice, finally prevailed upon Chesai to permit Roly-Poly to explain. Her eyes were in reality as big as saucers (small ones) as she exclaimed : "Oh, Missee San! We go great big ship. No money pay! New country stop; ev'lybody go in beautiful house. We go too — no money pay. Ev'lybody plen- ty chow eat — we eat too — no money pay — no money askee. Ev'lybody sit down; plenty games play — we no likee games. We no wantchee play. We want- chee come home — no can — big ship no take us ; bimeby we plen- ty cly — man bling small boat — he plenty money askee. We plen- ty money must pay — he bling us home!" As she concluded her story we 103 looked at the friend, and inquired: "Where do you suppose they have been?" "To the biggest fan-tan gamb- ling house in all China," he quiet- ly replied. One more tale about Roly- Poly and her loyalty and I have done. You must first understand that we reached the Hong Kong hotel before the wives of the other of- ficers, and were thus enabled to have our choice of quarters. We engaged the only sitting room. As the house filled with friends and acquaintances, you may im- agine that it was a pleasure to have them gather with us in the evening, particularly as many were musically inclined. Our guests were officers, not only from our own ships, but 104 from English, French, German, Russian, and Spanish men-of- war. Early one evening, before our friends had begun to arrive, Chesai's mistress and I sat quiet- ly talking, when we heard the sound of voices raised in anger. Upon opening the door, there stood Roly-Poly and Chesai en- gaged in so bitter a discussion that they failed even to notice us. Chesai — "My missee plenty gold lings have got!" Roly Poly — "My missee ev'ly- thing silver her table have got!" Chesai — "My missee plenty silk dlesses have got !" Roly-Poly — "My missee more nice hats have got!" Chesai — "My missee plenty money have got!" Roly-Poly — "I no care! I no 105 care! My missee ev'ly night plenty genTmen have got ! Your missee wantchee genTmen; she come my missee loom — catchee!" And with this parting shot my loyal, stupid little Ahma turned on her heel. We did not dare laugh until the last click had died away. — Mary E. Hitchcock in Boston Transcript/' 1C6 HOW DOLLY AND I FOL- LOWED THE U. S. S. ALERT. HOW DOLLY AND I FOLLOWED THE U. S. S. ALERT. Ten years after the incident de- scribed in the preceding story, Dolly and I returned to beautiful Japan. We were following the U. S. S. Alert which was commanded by my husband. On reaching Yokohama, our disappointment was great as we found that there was not a single man-of-war in the harbor. We hastened ashore and hur- ried to the home of our dear friends the Eldridges, where we learned that the Alert had been ordered to Kobe. We tried to telegraph, but as it was the day following "the ter- rible earthquake" the wires were all down. On we went to Kobe. 109 Once more disappointment stared us in the face. The un- usual had happened. Not even one country was represented by a man-of-war. Dr. Abercrombie, most charm- ing of consuls, came on board to invite us for tiffin at the consulate. There we met a dozen or more very delightful residents of the place, who had been suddenly called together in our honor. Late that afternoon the steamer started for Nagasaki where we were assured we would find the fleet. Many have tried to do justice to the entrancing scenery of the "Inland Sea," which is between Kobe and Nagasaki. As they have all failed, it is useless for me to attempt a description. I can only say that its wonder- no ful fascination chained Dolly and me to the deck, although the rain came down in torrents. Neither luncheon nor dinner attracted us to the dining-room. We preferred plain sandwiches on deck with the feast of gor- geous scenery before us, to a feast of good things at a luxuri- ously appointed table. * Another disappointment awaited us at Nagasaki. The fleet was at Hong Kong. On we went. On the day of our arrival there, we were up and on deck very early in the morning. Flags of all countries were fly- ing except the one which repre- sented our beloved land. As we gazed with tear- 111 dimmed eyes, we saw a boat put off, from a British man-of-war, and steer in our direction. We watched with interest as it came alongside. A messenger mounted the gangway ladder with a note in his hand. "Lucky somebody/' said I to the captain. "How nice it must be to receive news as soon as the anchor is dropped." The messenger inquired: "Is Mrs. Hitchcock on board?" I was the "lucky somebody," and the note was handed me. It was from Captain Leslie Burr, Royal Navy, saying he had a message from my husband, who had been ordered to Shanghai. He inquired when he might have the pleasure of calling. "At once," was my prompt re- 112 ply. Shortly after we were enjoying a charming talk with one of the most delightful men of the British Navy. Before he left, he asked us for tiffin and invited the captains of all the men-of- war in the harbor to meet us. Such a jolly luncheon! Such interesting men with stories from all parts of the world. The time passed so rapidly that four o'clock came before we were aware. We were suddenly called on deck to witness a gladsome sight. The stars and stripes coming into the harbor floating from the U.S.S. Lancaster, which was making a tour of the world. How happy we were! It brought home so near to us. Our old friend, Admiral Har- mony, one of the most charming admirals in the world, was in 113 command. On learning that we were guests of Captain Burr, he sent his flag-lieutenant, who is al- most as delightful as the admiral, to tell us that he would like us to go on shore in one of our own boats. In making our adieux, the dif- ferent captains asked where we were stopping and if they might have the privilege of calling. It did seem funny to tell them that although we had made so many acquaintances whom we now seemed to know well, we had not yet landed in Hong Kong. We started for shore with our own officers in our own boat, which made us feel that home was not very far away. To our great surprise, on landing on the pier, we saw among the officers wait- ing to get to their ships, dear old 114 friends whom we had met in many parts of the world. Hearty greetings over, they turned and escorted us to the Hong Kong hotel, where we passed three very happy months. 115 DOLLY AND HER CAP RIBBONS. DOLLY AND HER CAP RIBBONS. I really must tell a little joke about Dolly (whom I hope will forgive me). I do not dare ask her permission to tell it in ad- vance lest the joke should be lost to the world. Dolly had a wonderful collec- tion of cap-ribbons. They had been given to her during her vis- its on ships, sent to her from all parts, by officers who had seen her collection until it had grown far beyond that possessed by any other girl. The one thing upon which Dolly particularly prided herself was, that she had never asked for one. We were at Fortress Monroe during the Naval Review when girls were vieing with each other as to who should be the first one 119 seen with a cap-ribbon of the last ship to enter the harbor. Dolly laid low. She had friends on ships from almost every country in the world. One evening Prince Youriev- sky, who had entertained us very often in Nice, came to dine with us. In his hand was a tiny mys- terious package done up in tissue paper and tied with pink ribbons. The Prince said to Dolly: "Will you promise to cast aside all your other ribbons and wear this one to-night? No one else can have anything like it for there are only four in our navy — given for great bravery. As the beautiful band of black and orange was fastened around the graceful throat, the Prince exclaimed : "For heaven's sake do not let anyone know who present- 120 ed it to you, or I shall be be- sieged I" As we entered the dining-room, the new ribbon attracted great attention. . . . After din- ner, the girls came in swarms, trying to discover what new ship was in the harbor and which of- ficer had presented the souvenir. Dolly was true blue and kept her promise. Someone said: "That's a Russian name — the Prince must know." He was so pelted with questions that he fin- ally said: "Yes, I gave it to Miss Dolly, but I assure you that there is not another one to be had within a thousand miles." ^J* ^|^ ^j> JK /K And now for the joke: We were cruising in Japanese waters. The wife of Captain Watson of 121 the British Navy, was with us. She was quick to observe that Dolly, who could not bear to hurt the feelings of friend or foe, had a habit of coming on deck as we entered a harbor, looking about to see if there was a man-of-war in sight. The moment we got near enough for her to read the name she would rush down below and place on her hat the cap-rib- bon from that ship. One day as we approached the Vladamir Monomack, seeing that the officers knew of our coming and were putting out in a boat to call upon us, she changed her hat decoration so rapidly that the letters were upside down, to the great amusement of the officers who suspected the truth. When they took their departure Mrs. Watson slyly remarked: "Now 122 -V. Mademoiselle Dolly, I have you in my power, and if you don't put on the ribbon of my husband's ship — the Leander — at once and wear it faithfully until the end of the cruise, I shall tell all the of- ficers on board of your little tricks and then everybody will know and no one will feel com- plimented." 123 A DINNER AT GOVERN- MENT HOUSE, HONG KONG. DINING WITH THE RUS- SIAN ADMIRAL ON HIS FLAGSHIP. DINING WITH THE RUSSI- AN OFFICERS AND THE LESSON THEY TAUGHT US. THE RUSSIAN PRINCE WHO ACCOMPANIED US TO NEW YORK. A DINNER AT GOVERNMENT HOUSE, HONG KONG. One of the first entertainments given us in Hong Kong was by the Governor and his wife — at Government House, a dinner, fol- lowed by a ball. As I entered the ballroom, on the arm of a famous Russian ad- miral, the Russian national air was played in his honor. I told him a little story of the first time I had ever heard that anthem. I was a small school-girl. The Russian fleet had come into the harbor. As the head of our board- ing-school had met one of the Russian captains while traveling through his country she invited him to pay a visit to the school. He accepted. 127 We were all taught the Rus- sian National anthem, which we rose and sang as he entered. The admiral stopped short in his promenade, turned and looked at me, saying: "What a coinci- dence! Why, madame, I was that captain! 128 DINING WITH THE RUSSIAN AD- MIRAL ON HIS FLAGSHIP. Later, we dined very often on the Russian admiral's flagship: sometimes with him; sometimes in the wardroom, with the of- ficers. After our first dinner with the latter, we were taught a lesson which we never forgot. Their cabins were thrown open for our inspection. We tried to say something pleasant, and find something to admire in every cabin. As we stepped into the mag- nificent mahogany steam launch, which was waiting to take us on shore, there we saw each article we had admired. 129 On our return to the United States, we were accompanied by a celebrated Russian Prince who had never been in this country. Our first walk down Fifth ave- nue was most amusing owing to his startling exclamations. "Why! Who are those people using red wheels on their car- riages? Red wheels can only be used by the family in Rus- sia !" and "What are those people doing with yellow wheels ? They belong exclusively to Prince -'s family." Before leaving for his native land, the Prince said : "They talk of their 400 or of their 150 in New York! We have only four- teen families in all Russia! and here are letters of introduction I have written you, to each, mad- ame, in case I should happen to 130 be away when you decide to visit my country." I am hoping that the fourteen will still be living when I have the great good fortune to pay that long-promised visit. 131 HOW OTHERS SEE US. A Most Surprising and Amusing Interpretation. HOW OTHERS SEE US. In the year 1881, while paying a visit in Tokio, I expressed my intention of visiting Kioto the fol- lowing week. One of the court officials said: "But you cannot go alone to Kioto, madame, it would not be safe." "I am not going alone, my maid goes with me." "That is no protection. I ad- vise you strongly not to go." "Of what should I be afraid, I who have travelled all over the world. Our ships are soon to be ordered home and not on any ac- count would I return without having visited so wonderful and beautiful a spot." After discussing the matter for some time, my adviser, finding 135 that nothing could shake my de- termination, wrote me a letter of introduction to the Governor of Kioto. On reaching that most fascinating of inland towns, I was met by an official of high rank who approached and saluted me. It was dusk. From a stick across his shoulder swung a light- ed lantern. Thinking that I did not understand the Japanese language he pointed to the crest on his lantern to show that he was no ordinary individual. He accompanied me to the hotel and then explained that he had been deputized by the Governor to call each morning during my stay and take me wherever I wanted to go. He suggested that as I might not know just what was worth seeing he might make a list. "Oh, 136 but I do know just what I want to see." "Will madame kindly tell me?" "I want to see everything that foreigners are not permitted to see." My guide opened his eyes in astonishment, but made no com- ment. He presented himself very early the next morning and did so much towards gratifying my wish that we saw much that has never been described in song or story; but there is neither time nor space to describe our exciting adventures in this little book. On my return after the first day's sightseeing I found a letter from my dearest and most con- genial of chums, the wife of Ad- miral . She wrote that as my husband 137 was worried over the risk of my adventure into the interior he had obtained a short leave of absence, adding that if I would like the pleasure of her company she would take advantage of his visit to me by going with him and spending a few days in Kioto. I was overjoyed and begged her to lose no time. What delightful trips we three had together! We gave the poor guide scarcely a moment to rest, such indefatigable sightseers were we. At last Mrs. was obliged to take her departure without seeing the famous "No dance" which we had been beg- ging and praying our guide to take us to. She left after tiffin and we started sightseeing. The guide suddenly announced that he had finally obtained permission for us 138 to witness the "No dance." In my enthusiasm I exclaimed to my husband: "Oh, do take the quick- est jinrickisha men and see if you cannot overtake Mrs. . I am sure she would postpone her trip a week rather than lose such an opportunity. In response to my plea my husband hastened to overtake my dear friend and luck- ily did so, bringing her back to share the long-wished for pleas- ure. How we have laughed at the way in which this incident was interpreted by the Japanese and this interpretation only is the raison d'etre of my story. This is the way my Japanese maid heard it told in her dining-room to a host of interested listen- ers. "Big cap'n leave ship an' come here to see wife No. I — He bling Wife No. 2— Wife No. 139 i little while velly nice Wife No. 2 — Bimeby Wife No. i no waut- chee more Wife No. 2 — makee go 'way. Bimeby Wife No. 1 no look big cap'n run after Wife No. 2 — bring back. Wife No. 1 no say nothing. Velly still keep just now. P'laps bimeby big fight. To-night we watchee!" 140 MY STRANGE EXPERIENCE AS GUEST OF H. R. H., THE MIKADO OF JAPAN. MY STRANGE EXPERIENCE AS GUEST OF H. R. H., THE MIKADO OF JAPAN. My only excuse for that which follows, is, that it happened "a many years ago, when I was young — and — thoughtless. I had followed the U.S.S. Pen- sacola to beautiful Japan — and then been tempted to leave the seaports, for the mysterious and wonderfully attractive interior of the country. The date for the home "steam- ing" of the Pensacola was finally fixed. The last moment was rapidly drawing nigh. It found me, as it usually finds one, quite unprepared. Many important things had been postponed until that inevitable hour, which al- ways comes too soon. Having wandered for two years 143 through the interior, and having been far from the capital at the time of the fetes of the Cherry Blossom and the Chrysanthe- mum, as well as the fete given to our officers and their wives, I had never even seen the Mikado. I had a premonition that he would figure very prominently in the affairs of the world, before the close of the century, so I de- termined that I would not leave the Empire without at least a glimpse of its ruler. How was it to be accom- plished? The captain's cabin of the old "City of Pekin" had been booked for me. The Pensacola with long home- ward bound pennant had left the harbor to an accompaniment of hearty cheers and good wishes 144 from the lusty throats of all the sailors from the men-of-war of every country. But two days in- tervened before the sailing- of the "City of Pekin." How could I meet the Emperor in that short space of time? There was no chance for pre- sentation at court. I never doubt- ed, however, for an instant, the final accomplishment of any pro- ject upon which I had set my heart. Fate was propitious. An official from Tokio, of high rank, called at my little bunga- low, to pay his respects and wish me Godspeed. "Not yet, adieu," said I. I must go to Tokio and see the Mikado before leaving. Will you arrange it?" That would be very difficult, madame !" 145 a- w "Not for the 'Court Favorite'!" "But consider, madame! you sail on Thursday. To-day is Tuesday. Wednesday alone in- tervenes, and the Emperor is to spend to-morrow at the regatta distributing prizes." "The very thing! I will go to the regatta!" "But, madame! It is entirely a Japanese affair. No foreigners are ever invited. I am extremely sorry, but it cannot be done!" "Anything can be done by a great favorite at court !" I sighed, as the visitor took his departure. "The following morning a big envelope with the imperial crest was handed me. Inside — an in- vitation to attend the Japanese regatta. Great was my triumph on leav- 146 ing for Tokio, where, not an or- dinary jinrickisha awaited me at the station, but a luxurious car- riage with prancing horses. The drive to the water was glorious. The scenery in Japan is so fas- cinating that the heart of the tourist is filled with buoyancy and gladness. It is not to be wondered at that the inhabitants are smiling and happy. As the horses stopped at the en- trance to the Pavilion the court favorite presented high officials who escorted me with great cere- mony to the box of Prince Nebe- shima, adjoining that of His Im- perial Majesty, who was standing and about to present a prize to the lucky winner of one of the races. As he finished his speech, he turned, looked me squarely in the 147 face, smiled, twirled his mous- tache and smiled again as though much amused at sight of the only American present. "I think your Emperor is very rude !" I exclaimed indignantly to the court favorite. The beautiful Princess Nebeshima and her com- panions endeavored to conceal their feelings at this unpardon- able speech and hastily changed the subject by translating the pro- gram to me. The incident was forgotten in my enthusiasm over the race which followed. While delightfully watching the winner, as he left the august presence, after receiving his prize, the remark which I was about to make, froze on my lips, as the then young Emperor once more turned, concentrating his 148 gaze upon me with a kindly ex- pression, but one that showed a most unmistakable sense of deep amusement. Wrapping myself in a heavy mantle of dignity, I rose, said to the court favorite: "I am not going to remain here to be in- sulted/' made my adieux to the beautiful smiling Princess and her companions, and left . . . wondering why all seemed amused and why no one had ex- hibited the slightest feeling of in- dignation at my severe criticism. I was escorted by General Oyama and several officers who have recently figured prominent- ly before the world. They urged upon me delicious refreshments from the luxuriously appointed buffet. As the court favorite handed me into the carriage, then entered 149 himself to accompany me to the station, my indignation broke forth. There was no word of sym- pathy in reply, but I detected in- stead a sound of suppressed mer- riment. On turning- sharply I saw that my companion was mak- ing superhuman efforts to control certain muscles of his face, and then — peal after peal of uncon- trollable laughter rang forth, which increased in volume as my astonishment and indignation grew. At last, in reply to — "How dare you? What does all this mean?" the laughing escort said: "Oh, madame! if you will only promise to forgive me, I will tell you the whole truth!" "Tell me instantly!" was the imperious command. "Very well, madame. You remember that 150 you insisted upon attending this fete, even after my explanation that no foreigner had ever been invited? Not wishing to disap- point you, I went to His Imperial Majesty and told him that an American lady had fallen violent- ly in love with him — that her hus- band's ship had already started for home, and that although she was under sailing orders for Thursday, she had solemnly sworn that she would not leave the country without a farewell glimpse of the Emperor. I begged him, in order to keep peace in your family, madame, and that you might sail at the appointed time, to send you the invitation which you received this morning. Much amused by my story, the Mikado, being young and gal- lant, could not disappoint you, so 151 upon your arrival, he gave you the full benefit of the glances for which he supposed you had sighed. As the Princess and the officials in the box to which you were invited, were in the secret, they did not resent your harsh criticism of their Emperor. I do hope that you will not be angry, madame!" Feeling that my punishment had been well merited, and keen- by enjoying the joke, I joined in the laughter with the court favor- ite — and — forgave him. 152 MY SWEET REVENGE ON A BRITISH ADMIRAL. w W H 2 h vl^ yU* ■vt^- >$£ Ten years later, I was in com- mand of the Narragansett, at the Mare Island Navy Yard, Cali- fornia. We were anchored in a very strong tideway. One night a man fell overboard. The usual hurried steps were taken. As he drifted astern, the entire ship's company ran aft, to keep him in sight, if possible. 174 There were probably one hun- dred and fifty officers and men as- sembled there. Suddenly, one man, taking his life in his hands, heeding- not the pitchy blackness of the night, nor the tide running like a millrace, jumped into the water, seized his drowning comrade and held him until help arrived. When the rescuer and rescued were brought on board I told the former that I considered him the bravest man of us all. I did not mean that there was no one else who would have done what he did, but that he was the one man who saw and instantly seized his opportunity. He lost no time weighing chances. He asked not "Am I my broth- er's keeper?'' but he saw the need 175 of his service to a fellow being and gave it freely. He afterward received from the Government a gold medal for saving life." The End, CONTENTS i. The Admiral Who Kept a Sailors' Board- ing-house. How Admiral K. Interrupted a Caudle Lecture. Admiral K.'s Reply to His Would-be Son- in-Law. 2. How Jack Fixed the "Sky-Pilot." 3. Why the Order Was Issued Forbidding Women to Live on a Man-of-War. 4. Admiral Sigsbee's Stories — by Himself — with the Addition of One I Know About Him. The Shoemaker's Letter. Commander la Rocha of The Royal Span- ish Navy. Admiral Sigsbee and "The Daughters of the Grand Army." A Terrible Thunder Storm in Washing- ton and What Happened. 5. The Unwelcome Guest on Board the U. S. S. at Norfolk, Virginia. 6. Vesuvio in Charleston, S. C, "The Beau- tiful City-by-the-Sea." 7. Captain D.'s Defence of Our Faithful Friend Jack — Golden Silence. 8. Lieutenant K. — Prince Paleologue and The Professional Dog Barber. 9. The Commodore Who Tried to Speak French (who also snored, but not al- ways). 10. A Royal Pair (meaning the most genial of kings and the most strenuous and versatile of emperors). 11. Admiral Porter's Explanation of "What Mosquitoes Are Good For." 12. How a Missionary Was Made by Tales of a Naval Officer. 13. Mrs. Admiral and Mrs. Junior Lieutenant. 14. A Japanese Maid — Vicissitudes of Life in Far-off Japaru 15. How Dolly and I Followed the U. S. S. Alert. 16. Dolly and Her Cap-Ribbons. 17. A Dinner at Government House, Hong Kong. Dining With the Russian Ad- miral On His Flag Ship. Dining With the Russian Officers and the Lesson We Learned. The Russian Prince Who .,._-- Accompanied Us to New York. 7 18. How Others See Us. A Most Surprising and Amusing Interpretation. 19. My Strange Experience as (Juest of H. R. H. the Mikado of Japan. 20. My Sweet Revenge on a British Admiral. 21. The First Korean Embassy to the United States and What Its Members Thought of Us in Ball Gowns. 22. Two Stories by The Adrniral of the Navy, George Dewey, entitled "The Bravest Deeds I Have Ever Witnessed." • : ;:// .;-.' ll V }\ iS ::.:.. 1 ; '": S ; ■ ■ ■ W :.\ : " 1 ■ ■ Si ./ 10 ' '.: $ttlm : .:' . . 1 . ; ' Two Women in the Klondike with over 100 illustrations and map 8°, $3.50 G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS, New York and London New York Herald: "The Book of the Week." New York Times: "A truthful account of the Klondike country comes as near to novelty as a modern writer may reasonably hope to get Mrs. Hitchcock's narrative is marked by an assiduous veracity in which she is aided by her excellent health and mirthful temper. . . . The illustrations, which are very nu- merous, are chosen with much discretion and show town and tent life as well as various aspects of the magnificent scenery." Boston Herald: "Mrs. Hitchcock offers us a long and exceedingly interesting account of what she and her companion saw what they did and where they went and how people treated them and from this racy record the reader obtains a fairer and more complete idea of the life of Dawson than from any other books that have so far been written. This daily record is a perfect mine of infor- mation." Two Women in the Klondike. Town and Country: "There cannot be a more interesting record of travel than that made up from the daily note-book of a lady who has seen nearly all the world, has been received everywhere into the best society, has witnessed almost every phase of human na- ture, loves to look at the best side of every- thing and has that amiability of temper which is not ruffled by privation, discomfort and disappointment." Minneapolis Tribune: "The style of her narrative is of a most entertaining character, and she relates in a bright, vivacious way all she saw in the Klondike, and she managed to see a good deal and gives a very readable account of the bright side of Alaskan travel, for these travellers were not stinted as regards money." San Francisco Chronicle: "The varied ex- periences of this adventurous outing are very agreeably related." Victoria, B. C, Times: "The Putnams have not issued from their presses for many a day a volume so full of fresh and fascinat- ing interest. To meet Mrs. Hitchcock and to listen to her bright and racy conversation was to feel certain that any thing she might write would possess at least the saving grace of human interest, if not the hall marks of genius. Apart altogether from the superb Two Women in the Klondike. illustrations, which are scattered with gen- erous profusion throughout the book, the chatty, sympathetic manner of the writer is sufficient to hold the attention of the reader unflaggingly. Although the work is so largely entertaining, and makes the best kind of summer reading, there is an ample store of solidly useful information, for which persons interested in the Klondike yearn. "The book will take its place as one of the most remarkable contributions to the litera- ture of travel that a decade singularly rich in that literature, and marked by many volumes which will delight generations has seen. "It is by far the finest book on the Klondike yet issued/' The Churchman: /'The book, both as re- lates to human life and to natural conditions, is filled with freshness and interest. . . . It is a worthy memorial of a season of singu- lar enjoyment." News, Indianapolis: "The author has a naive way of dealing frankly with some rather dangerous subjects/' Province, Vancouver, B. C. : "Journal of re- markable incidents." The Colonist, Victoria, B. C: "During Mrs. Hitchcock's visit to Atlin a special meet- ing of the Arctic Brotherhood Association Two Women in the Klondike. was held with the object of electing her an honorary member, but it being contrary to the constitution to confer that distinction upon a lady, a resolution was passed expressing much regret at this fact and appreciation of the grand work the authoress has done in fighting for justice for the northern districts." G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS New York, London, 27 West 23d St. 24 Bedford St., Strand. - \. :• -' _' «.;--.i .v.. ~* .■«•- •" ,•;" S fe •: -i MAY 1 1908 LB JL *08 V /' /;*.... ,.-;£$*