JANE JONEs AND SOME OTHERS Class TS> 2,)&>q Bonk ,K?Jft OopghtN . COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. *sy* I JANE JONES AND SOME OTHERS r/Cl vTf* Nothing to do but work, Nothing to eat but food, s*- JANE JONES AND SOME OTHERS BY BEN KING ILLUSTRATIONS BY JOHN A. WILLIAMS *) CHICAGO FORBES & COMPANY 1909 J& Copyright, 1894, 1898, By Aseneth Bell King Copyright, 1909, By Forbes and Company -^33 WC fT ^J%J Vr^AKiLV. V 7 ^: g) CONTENTS PAGE Jane Jones 9 The Pessimist 12 If I Should Die 14 When the Stage Gits In 15 If My Wife Taught School .... 17 Elopement 19 Like the New Friends Best ....... 21 Her Folks an' Hiz'n 23 That Valentine 26 'Rastus King 27 Mary Had a Cactus Plant 30 Say When, and Say It 31 Dreamy Days 33 If I Can Be by Her 34 The Hair-Tonic Bottle . . . . . .36 The Yaller Jackets' Nest 38 Sycamore 40 Keep Him a Baby 44 A Summer's Afternoon 46 The Bung Town Canal 48 Lovey-Loves 52 Benton Harbor, Mich 58 ^djsy PAGE That Cat . 57 'Cause It 's Gittin' Spring .... 58 The Ultimatum 60 She Does Not Hear 62 The Day and the Shingle .... 64 The River St. Joe 67 Baby Up at Battenberg's 70 The Cat O' Nine Tails 72 Old St. Joe . .75 Hank Spink 78 The Woodticks 80 The Tramp 82 Coming Christmas Morn 83 How Often 87 Didn't We, Jim? . . . . . . .88 St. Patrick's Day 91 The Cow Slips Away 93 8v Qi M ILLUSTRATIONS Frontispiece FACING PAGE . . . 10 " Nothing to do but work, Nothing to eat but food/' . " Jane Jones she honestly said it was so ! Mebbe he did, — I dunno ! " " And you should come in deepest grief and woe — And say: 'Here's that ten dollars that I owe/" 14 " I 'in down at the parson's with Mary; It 's rather a private affair; " 20 . " The sisters they told — this is 'tween you an' I — 'At they thought she wanted her husband to die: " 24 " Placed it in a chair he did, Then laughed with ghoulish glee — " . . . SO ^ " An' s-s-s-stand out on the c-c-c-oldest day, If I can b-b-b-be by her." 34 " An' book agents an' other scamps, He 'd give 'em all a chase — " ' 'Twas the close of a summer's day, The sound of the flail had died away," 40 46 Oh, chide not the love when its lovey-love loves With lovable, loving carresses; .... 52 FACING PAGE " The popple leaves is quiv'rin' 'cause the wind is in the west, An' the robin 's round a-hookin' straws to build hisself a nest; " 58 " I take a recumbent position, The shingle then comes into play/' (iA " Doctor whispers suthin' — Daddy hollers: 'No!'" « . . 70 " They ain't no purtier sight to me — Than jest to watch the gulls 'at fly " . . 76 " And when he left the kitchen door He took the garden walk." 82 " She told us, our ma did, when she 's sick in bed, An' out of the Bible some verses read," ... 88 J AXE JONES keeps talkin' to me all the time, An' says you must make it a rule To study your lessons an' work hard an' learn, An' never be absent from school. Remember the story of Elihu Burritt, An' how he clum up to the top, Got all the knowledge 'at he ever had Down in a blacksmithing shop? Jane Jones she honestly said it was so! Mebbe he did, — I dunno ! O' course what 's a-keepin' me way from the top, Is not never havin' no blacksmithing shop. She said 'at Ben Franklin was awfully poor, But full of ambition an' brains; An' studied philosophy all his hull life, An' see what he got for his pains! He brought electricity out of the sky, 9 9tew^;' With a kite an' a bottle an' key, An' we 're owing him more 'n any one else For all the bright lights 'at we see. Jane Jones she honestly said it was so! Mebbe he did, — I dunno ! O' course what 's allers been hmderin' me Is not havin' any kite, lightning, er key. Jane Jones said Abe Lincoln had no books at all An' used to split rails when a boy; An' General Grant was a tanner by trade An' lived way out in Ill'nois. So when the great war in the South first broke out He stood on the side o' the right, An' when Lincoln called him to take charge o' things, He won nearly every blamed fight. Jane Jones she honestly said it was so! Mebbe he did, — I dunno ! Still I ain't to blame, not by a big sight, For I ain't never had any battles to fight. \aP jane Jones she honestly said it was so! Mebbe he did, — I dunno' She said 'at Columbus was out at the knees When he first thought up his big scheme, An' told all the Spaniards an' Italians, too, An' all of 'em said 'twas a dream, But Queen Isabella jest listened to him, An' pawned all her jewels o' worth, An' bought him the Santa Maria an' said, "Go hunt up the rest o' the earth!" Jane Jones she honestly said it was so! . Mebbe he did, — I dunno! O' course that may be, but then you must allow They ain't no land to discover jest now! •■ THE PESSIMIST NOTHING to do but work, Nothing to eat but food, Nothing to wear but clothes To keep one from going nude= Nothing to breathe but air, Quick as a flash 't is gone ; Nowhere to fall but off, Nowhere to stand but on. Nothing to comb but hair, Nowhere to sleep but in bed, Nothing to weep but tears, Nothing to bury but dead. Nothing to sing but songs, All, well, alas! alack! Nowhere to go but out, Nowhere to come but back. Nothing to see but sights, Nothing to quench but thirst, 12 .Ufc v*^ Nothing to have but what we Ve got; Thus through life we are cursed. Nothing to strike but a gait; Everything moves that goes. Nothing at all but common sense Can ever withstand these woes. 18 M%£f&W w^VH^m IF I SHOULD DIE IF I should die to-night And you should come to my cold corpse and say, Weeping and heartsick o'er my lifeless clay — If I should die to-night And 3^ou should come in deepest grief and woe — And say: "Here 's that ten dollars that I owe," I might arise in my large white cravat, And say, "What 's that?" If I should die to-night And you should come to my cold corpse and kneel, Clasping my bier to show the grief you feel, I say, if I should die to-night And you should come to me, and there and then Just even hint 'bout payin' me that ten, I might arise the while, But I 'd drop dead again. s And you should come in deepest grief and woe- And say: "Here 's that ten dollars that I owe, M WHEN THE STAGE GITS IN PAP 11 git a letter, 'nd Uncle Zed a book, 'Nd Aunty Jane expects 'er magazine; 'Nd school '11 all be out, 'Nd the children run 'nd shout, While a-playin' "one-old-cat" out on the green. 'Nd the men 'at 's in the orocerv store 'LI come outside 'nd stand 'Nd talk, 'nd look around 'nd grin; Fer the folks down at the post-office A-standin' all around Are happy when the stage gits in. Ma has done the bakin', 'nd made some patty cakes, 'Nd Lizzie has done the sweepin' all alone; 'Nd she 's dustin' up the furniture 'Nd settin' things about, 'Cause tomorry we 're expectin' Aunt Se'- phrone. 15 W v ^ v\ Nan has had 'er hair did up In papers all night long, 'Nd to-day she 's a-f rizzin' it ag'in ; I bet you any money she 's expectin' some one, too, 'At '11 be here when the stage gits in. When you see the yaller cat begin a-washin' up, 'Nd 'er hind leg pinted over that way, some Folkses allers say it is The surest kind o' sign 'At company is liable to come. 'Nd when the parlor 's opened a sort o' funny smell Comes 'cause the fire 's kindled up ag'in ; We 're goin' to have a high old time 'Nd all our relatives 'LI be here when the stage gits in. m 16 } ^jwm IF MY WIFE TAUGHT SCHOOL FF I had a wife 'at taught school I would go A To far-awav countries. I 'd fish from the Po In a gondola gay, and the splash o' my oar Would be heard by the natives around Singa- pore If my wife taught school, I would, would n't you ? Er would n't you ? Anyway, what would you do? Of If I had a wife 'at taught school I would get Something fine in the shape of a furniture set ; If I could pay my board and she could pay her'n There 's a good many nice little things I could earn. If my wife taught school, I would, would n't you? Er wouldn't you? Anyway, what would you do? 17 j££ If my wife taught school you can bet I would % Like a condor, I 'd roost pretty middlin' high; I 'd wear a silk tile and own hosses, I vow, And do lots of things I ain't doin' now. If my wife taught school, I would, would n't you? Er would n't you ? Anyway, what would you do? If my wife taught school like some women do, And I could n't earn quite enough for us two, I 'd go in the barnyard, without any fuss, I would blow out my brains with a big blunder- buss. If my wife taught school, I would, would n't you? Er wouldn't you? Anyway, what would you do? rs 18 AXJ ELOPEMENT 'M out at the home of my Mary, A Mary so young and so fair, But her father and mother And sister and brother And all of the family are there. w I 'm now on the sofa with Mary, Mary with bright, golden hair; But her father and mother And sister and brother And all of the family are there. I 'm way up the river with Mary, Picnicking in the cool air; But her father and mother And sister and brother And all of the family are there. I 'm in the surf bathing with Mary; Her form is beyond compare; But her father and mother 19 vcy~ v y*s ^~v And sister and brother And all of the family are there. I 'm down at the parson's with Mary ; It 's rather a private affair ; But her father and mother And sister and brother Well — none of the family is there. YX ffl v I 'm down at the parson's with Mary It 's rather a private affair; V !r> LIKE THE NEW FRIENDS BEST DON'T talk to me of old time friends, But jest give me the new. The old friends may be good enough, But somehow they won't do, I don't care for their old time ways; Their questions you '11 allow Are soulless as a parrot's gab: — "Well, what you up to now?" That 's one thing I 've agin 'em, 'Cause that with all the rest, Like hintin' 'bout some old time debt; I like my new friends best. iT \Tw £T\ I meet an old friend in the street, As oftentimes I do, Mechanically he stops to shake An' say: "Well, how are you?" Then drawin' clown his face, as if His cheeks was filled with lead, He says: "I spose you 've heard the news?' "No!" "Eli Stubbs is dead. 21 KgpU An' 'fore he died he ast for you — Seemed sorry you was gone, An' said 'at what he 'd let you have He hoped would help you on." Now that 's why I don't like 'em much, You prob'bly might have guessed. I ain't got much agin 'em, but I like the new friends best. Old friends are most too home-like now They know your age, an' when You got expelled from school, an' lots Of other things, an' then They 'member when you shivereed The town an' broke the lights Out of the school 'nen run away An' played "Hunt Cole" out nights. They 'member when you played around Your dear old mommy's knee ; It 's them can tell the very date That you got on a spree. I don't like to forget 'em, yet If put right to the test Of hankerin' right now for 'em, I like the new friends best. 22 K m ^ 3? \C H HER FOLKS AN' HIZ'N E maird her 'cause she had money an' some Property left from her husband's income; But both of the families was awfully stirred, An' said the worst things 'at the town ever heard. An' her folks an' hiz'n, Er hiz'n an' her'n, Never spoke to each other, From what I can learn. k s& His folks begun it an' jest said 'at she Was the worst actin' thing they ever did see; An' ought to be ashamed fer bein' so bold, 'Cause her husband he had n't had time to get cold. An' her folks an' hiz'n, Er hiz'n an' her'n, Never spoke to each other, From what I can learn. 24 © V^S^J L^CAfr* Her folks they all set up 'at he was no good, An' if 'twas n't f er her — well, he 'd have to saw wood. Then all of her kin, every blasted relation, Said she 'd lowered herself in their estima- tion, So her folks an' hiz'n, Er hiz'n an' her'n, Never spoke to each other, From what I can learn. The sisters they told — this is 'tween you an* I— 'At they thought she wanted her husband to die: An' they whispered around — but don't you lisp a word — The awfulest things that a soul ever heard. So her folks an' hiz'n, Er hiz'n an' her'n, Never spoke to each other, From what I can learn. The sisters they told — this is 'tween you an' I— 'At they thought she wanted her husband to die: They said that a travelin' man er a drummer, Who stopped at the hotel a long time last summer, That he — no it was n't that now — let me see — That she — er something like that, seems to me. Well, her folks an' hiz'n, Er hiz'n an' her'n, Never spoke to each other, From what I can learn. I hear 'at the families keep up the old fight, A-roastin' each other from mornin' till night ; But the young maird couple they 've moved to the city, Where gossip don't go ; but I think it a pity That her folks an' hiz'n, An' hiz'n an' her'n, Never speak to each other, From what I can learn. 25 aztfr* ^rv^rv THAT VALENTINE ONCE, I remember, years ago, I sent a tender valentine; I know it caused a deal of woe. Once, I remember, years ago, Her father's boots were large, you know, I do regret the hasty line, Once, I remember, years ago, I sent a tender valentine. I know I never shall forget I sent a tender valentine. Somehow or other I regret, But how I never can forget, But then, I know, I know I met Her father. Oh, what grief was mine. I know I never shall forget I sent a tender valentine. 26 #M 'RASTUS KING AS you happen jest to mention Old time friends 'at sort o' bring Mem'ries back, I 'd like to ask What's become o' 'Rastus King? $ Did he go out west prospectin' Far on Calif orny's rim? Did he settle with the Injuns, Or did the Injuns settle him? What a great big-hearted feller 'Rastus was, an' how he'd sing! Sometimes tears '11 start to rollin' When I think o' 'Rastus King. Where is he an' what's come o' him? Is he toilin' hard fer bread? Is he prosperous an' wealthy? Is he livin' still, or dead? / '• y How my heart recalls the mornin' That I met him. Splittin' wood, Payin' fer his school tuition, Earnin' thus a livelihood. Allers boarded at the neighbors, Turned his hand at anything; Faithful, honest; well, the farmers Simply swore by 'Rastus King. Find him down to meetin' Sundays Sittin' in the deacon's pew; Talk about yer knowledge; he had Read the Bible through an' through. When the choir would jine together An' with the congregation sing, Way above all other voices You could hear him — 'Rastus King. Did you ever come to meet him? Do you think he 's livin' here ? Say, he ain't much older 'n I am ; Reckon now he 's sixty year. 28 **££\& Last I heerd he 's doin' splendid, Rich, fast horses, everything. Jest like him, a regular schemer; Oh! I knew him, 'Rastus King. Then the hackman I 'd been asking All these questions thus did say: ' 'Rastus livin' purty quiet; Don't go out at all, they say." "Don't go out at all — why, stranger? What 's the matter? Did he fail?" "Well," said he, "nothin 's the matter Stephen, only he 's in jail." 29 V >/ vf Vr^z-'Vr —\j*s Vv/^ ^-«^ v x^ s fii MARY HAD A CACTUS PLANT MARY had a cactus plant, So modestly it grew, Shooting its little fibers out It lived upon the dew. Her little brother often heard Her say it lived on air, And so he pulled it up one day And placed it in a chair. Placed it in a chair he did, Then laughed with ghoulish glee — Placed it in the old arm-chair Under the trysting tree. Nor thought of Mary's lover, Who called each night to woo, Or even dreamed they 'd take a stroll, As lovers often do. The eve drew on. The lover came, They sought the trysting tree. Where has the little cactus gone? The lover — where is he? 30 Placed it in a chair he did, Then laughed with ghoulish glee — SAY WHEN, AND SAY IT <>Y, ¥* WRITE me a poem that has n't been writ, Sing me a song that has n't been sung yet, String out a strain that has n't been strung, And ring me a chime that has n't been rung yet. Paint me a picture but leave out the paint, Pile up a pile of old scenes of my schoolery. Leave me alone ; I would fain meditate And mourn o'er the moments I lost in tom- foolery. Tell me a tale that dropped out of a star, Push me a pun that is pungent, not earthy. I must have something sharp, strident, and strong To eke out a laugh or be moderately mirthy. Give me a love that has never been loved, Not knowing the glance of the bold and un- wary, 31 A cherub abreast with the saints up above, And I '11 get along and be passably merry. But come on the fly to me, come on the jump, Don't hang around on the outskirts and walk to me; Throw out your chest well, and hold up your head ; Say when, and say it, or else don't you talk to me. 32 yy\ (fcV^O" 9/^X /C /7Ci DREAMY DAYS OH! the dreamy days of youth, In appearance how uncouth, As we waded through the frog ponds and The ditches. With big patches on each knee, And where they hadn't ought to be. Oh! the days when one suspender Held our breeches. Oh! the dreamy days of yore, And the slippery cellar door. Oh! that cherry tree whose fruit we oft Were testing. Then we 'd wait till after tea, When we 'd sing with doleful glee. Oh! how often mother made it Interesting. 33 IF I CAN BE BY HER T D-D-DON'T c-c-c-are how the r-r-r-obin A sings, - Er how the r-r-r-ooster f-f -flaps his wings, Er whether 't sh-sh-shines, er whether 't pours, Er how high up the eagle s-s-soars, If I can b-b-b-be by her. I don't care if the p-p-p-people s-say 'At I 'm weak-minded every -w-way, An' n-n-never had no cuh-common sense, I 'd c-c-c-climb the highest p-picket fence If I could b-b-b-be by her. If I can be by h-h-her, I '11 s-s-swim The r-r-r-est of life thro' th-th-thick an' thin ; I '11 throw my overcoat away, < An' s-s-s-stand out on the c-c-c-oldest day, If I can b-b-b-be by her. You s-s-see, sh-sh-she weighs an awful pile, B-b-b-but I d-d-d-don't care— sh-she 's just my style, U y^ An' s-s-s-stand out on the c-c-c-coldest day If I can b-b-b-be by her. An' any f-f-fool could p-p-p-lainly see She 'd look well b-b-b-by the side of me, If I could b-b-b-be by her. I b-b-b-braced right up, an' had the s-s-s-and To ask her f-f-f -father f-f-fer her hand; He said: "Wh-wh-what p-p-prospects have you got?" I said: "I gu-gu-guess I Ve got a lot, If I can b-b-b-be bv her." *> It 's all arranged f-f-fer Christmas Day, Per then we 're goin' to r-r-r-run away, An' then s-s-some th-th-thing that cu-cu-could n't be At all b-b-before will then, you s-s-see, B-b-b-because I '11 b-b-b-be by her. 35 THE HAIR-TONIC BOTTLE HOW dear to my heart is the old village drug store, When tired and thirsty it comes to my view. The wide-spreading sign that asks you to "Try it," Vim, Vaseline, Vermifuge, Hop Bitters, too. The old rusty stove and the cuspidor by it, That little back room. Oh ! you Ve been there yourself, And ofttimes have gone for the doctor's pre- scription, But tackled the bottle that stood on the shelf. The friendly old bottle, The plain-labeled bottle, The "Hair-Tonic" bottle that stood on the shelf. 36 «8 How oft have I seized it with hands that were glowing, And guzzled awhile ere I set off for home; I owned the whole earth all that night, but next morning My head felt as big as the Capitol's dome. And then how I hurried away to relieve it, The druggist would smile o'er his poisonous pelf, And laugh as he poured out his unlicensed bitters, And filled up the bottle that stood on the shelf. The unlicensed bottle, The plain-labeled bottle, That "Hair-Tonic" bottle that stood on the shelf. ^ 37 2^12 ^SDH^ THE YALLER JACKETS' NEST IF I could only wander back To boyhood jest one day, So'st' I could have my chice agin Of games we used to play, I 'd let the kites an' marbles go, An' say, "Come on, boys! let's All go out a-huntin' fer The yaller jackets' nest." ^V Jest to lay up in the shadder Of the fence once agin Of the old vacant lot 'At the cows pastured in, Where the dandelions were bloomin,' An' there take a rest, While you listen to the music Round the yaller jackets' nest. There was one 'at allers went along An' romped with us an' raced, With her sunbonnet a-hangin' back An' curls down to 'er waist, 38 In the checkered little frock she wore Of gingham, — what a pest She was to us when huntin' fer The yaller jackets' nest. It 's the prime of the blossoms 'At 's a-hangin' from the trees An' the music of the buzzin' 'At brings lonesome memories, Fer it seems as if I heerd 'er say "You better look out, lest They all swarm out an' sting you From the yaller jackets' nest." Sometimes I think I hear 'er voice An' see 'er eyes of blue, That borried all their color from The sky 'at peeks at you Between the clouds in summer After rain has fell an' blessed The flowers an' openin' blossoms Round the yaller jackets' nest. 39 : n, /2kQ vo 3 SYCAMORE PECOOLIARITY of his bark, An' yit not only that, We found him every mornin' on The front piazza mat. So Cenath got ter likin' him, An' one day says ter me, "I m goin' ter call him Sycamore, He sticks so cluss," says she. She used ter sic him on the tramps That come aroun' the place, An' book agents an' other scamps, He 'd give 'em all a chase — He scooted over fences, an' Aroun' the farm he 'd run, An' then come back an' wag his tail As if he 'd been havin' fun. I never had ter sic him on Ter any livin' thing, I 've seed that dog take arter birds, Yes, birds 'at 's on the wing, 40 An' book agents an' other scamps, He 'd give 'em all a chase — /^ \>4 tCi An' chase 'em 'bout a mild er so, Ter see 'f they would n't light; Then he 'd sit down an' watch 'em till They flew clean out o' sight. The dangdest dog he was ter hunt, An' had the keenes' scent; One day he smelled an animile, An' after him he went. Towards dark he come a-laggin' back, An' any one could tell That Sycamore had captured him, We knew it mighty well. He pulled out every rooster's tail I had aroun' the coop, An' kept our yaller Thomas cat Hid underneath the stoop. An' when a vehicle druv by He 'd skoot out thro' the door An' sic 'em down the dusty road A half a mild er more. He 'd lay behin' the hottest stove An' bark out in his sleep, 41 \07i 0/"( (3% >v_r An' work his jints an' try ter run As if he was chasin' sheep, Till last he took a fit one day An' stagger'd round the floor; We thought one time he would n't live Ter sic 'em any more. He had fun with a peddler onct, An' chased him round the well. I wish as you 'd a jest been there An' heerd that feller yell: "Git out! Git out! Call off yer dog!" He thought his jig was up. Says I: "Don't be afraid o' him, He 's nothin' more 'n a pup." He used ter sic the thunder, too, An' 't used ter give us pain Ter see him set out in a storm An' bark up at the rain. He 'd shift his head t' one side When he 'd hear the thunder roar, An' then bark all the harder 'f I'd say "Sic 'em, Sycamore!" 42 He sict all of my neighbor's sheep, An' did a pile o' harm; He took my horses an' my colts An' raced 'em round the farm. I jest can see him runnin' yit, His tail a-flyin' high, But why it is we 're mournin' now Is how he come ter die. I sold him ter a farmer 'cause He got so cross an' mean, When one day long in harves' time He jumpt a thrash machine. They said he give one little yelp — An' then went up the spout. Poor Sycamore got harvested, That 's what we 're sad about. We mourn ter think our dear old friend At last got "squeezed in wheat." They found his collar — tail — some hair — The rest was sausage meat. His gentle bark had sailed away Far ter some canine shore. My wife shed tears an' said, "Poor dog, He never '11 sic 'em more." l ^f^am xy KEEP HIM A BABY KEEP him a baby as long as you can; Bless him, the dear little, cute, cunning man! Keep him in dresses, and apron, and bib; Rock him to sleep in his own little crib. Keep him a baby enjoying his toys — Soon enough he will be one of the boys; Keep him a baby and keep him at home — Manhood will very soon cause him to roam. Ofttimes at night when he wakes for a frolic, Don't get excited — it 's only the colic ; When he has reason your slumbers to mar, Get up and walk with him, just as you are. First it is Winslow and then it is squills, Then you will find one or two doctor's bills, Though he 's a trouble at times, it is true, When he grows up he will take care of you. >* Keep him a baby still taking his nap, Don't you chastise him for any mishap; When he falls off a sofa or chair, Don't stop his crying by calling a bear. Keep him a baby and do as I say; Take him to ride in his carriage each day; Show him the bossie, the horse and the bow- wow ; Soon you will hear him say "moo!" to the cow. Keep him a baby: he'll soon be a boy, Then he '11 forsake every plaything and toy ; Keep him a baby — he '11 soon be a man, Keep him a baby as long as you can. 45 ^i%y A SUMMER'S AFTERNOON ?r 1 1 WAS the close of a summer's day, A The sound of the flail had died away, The sun was shedding a lingering gleam, And the teakettle sung with its load of steam. The old clock ticked that hung on the wall And struck with the same old cuckoo call; Then oft I could hear the mournful bay Of some watch-dog far away. Then all to onct piped in a jay. I just sot there with my senses gone, And the shadders of twilight a-creepin' on, With the eerie hum of the small pewees, Over there in the cedar trees, And the tinkle of bells in the marshy loam That told me the cows were coming home, And the sighing breeze came o'er the croft, But ah! comes a melody far more soft Than the troubled notes of a lydian lute Or the echoing strains of a fairy's flute; It bids me awaken and live and rejoice, 'T is only the sound of Elviry's voice — 46 *w.,v> 'T was the close of a summer's day, The sound of the flail had died awav. <■ Like an angel's whisper it comes to me: — "Wake up, you fool, and come to tea." And it ain't in the spring or it ain't in the fall, But the close of a summer's day, That 's all. 47 THE BUNG TOWN CANAL DO you remember, Tom, Billy, an' Sal, The old swimmin' days in the Bung Town Canal? The big millin' logs fast asleep on its banks, We used to jump off of an' cut up odd pranks In our tropical costume. We used to make Sal Go home when we swum in the Bung Town Canal. I never '11 f ergit it, an' 'tween you an' me, You 'member the place where the mill used to be? We had a long spring-board out there 'n we 'd scud An' jest go head foremost clean into the mud. I may fergit some things, but I never shall Fergit them old times round the Bung Town Canal. 48 x>? v Nobody need never say nothin' to me 'Bout the Blue Danube River er banks of the Dee, They can't perduce sights like some 'at I 've seen Crawlin' up on its banks an' off in the green Old marsh where the scum an' malarier are, 'S the pizenest things in the world out in there. Me an' John Price caught the gol blamedest thing, With six legs an' four fins an' a yaller-jack sting, Two eyes in its head an' two horns in its tail, An' it carried a shell on its back like a snail, So we tuck it home an' skeer'd mother an' Sal 'Ith what we fished out of the Bung Town Canal. Once they 's a stranger 'at jest took a drink From the Bung Town Canal, an' course he didn't think What he was doin', an' after awhile 49 He went an' turned yeller, as yeller as bile; So doctors all went to perscribin' fer him, Makin' his chances a blamed sight more slim. What they all said was that he had a snake Way down in his stummick an' he better take One er two whiskeys 'fore eatin' each meal, Then in a week er two mebbe he 'd feel Better. So natcherly he tuck to drink, Usin' rye whiskey 'bout three months, I think. Course havin' snakes in the stummick is tough, But snakes is a-knowin' when they Ve got enough. So gittin' dissatisfied, most of 'em fled, Some hid in his boots an' some got in his bed. I argied the pint 'at he never 'd a died If they 'd a jest let 'em be on the inside. We buried him there where the low grasses creep, In a bed of pond-lilies we put him to sleep, Where the meddy-larks sing an' the cry of the loon, 50 An' the rice-hen is singin' a dolefuller tune. We left him alone, after writin' his gal Concernin' his death an' the Bung Town Canal. Oh, them barefooted days an' the spot where I 'd lay An' jest steep my hide in the glory o' day, A-hearin' the bulrushes whisper an' sigh, An' watchin' the shadder-clouds hurryin' by. How I long to go back there, with some old- time pal, An' dive off once again in the Bung Town Canal. 51 LOVEY-LOVES OH, love ! let us love with a love that loves, Loving on with a love forever ; For a love that loves not the love it should love — I wot such a love will sever. But, when two loves love this lovable love, Love loves with a love that is best; And this love-loving, lovable, love-lasting love Loves on in pure love's loveliness. Oh, chide not the love when its lovey-love loves With lovable, loving caresses ; For one feels that the lovingest love love can love, Loves on in love's own lovelinesses. And love, when it does love, in secret should love — 'T is there where love most is admired; But the two lovey-loves that don't care where they love Make the public most mightily tired. 52 Oh, chide not the love when its lovey-love loves With lovable, loving caresses; J&^Wk. w^W^ BENTON HARBOR, MICH. SOMETIMES I ain't a thing to do, an' so jest fer the nonce, I think of things I didn't see out on Midway Plaisance. Although they claimed 'at every tribe an' na- tion, seems to me, Was represented, yit there 's some I simply didn't see. I went all through the Cairo Street, an' saw the Luxor great, I saw the South Sea Islanders, an' them from Congo State, I saw the Patagonians, but, durn it all, my wish Was more to see them funny folks from Benton Harbor, Mich. I took in all the buildin's that was prom'nent on the grounds, Got in with a C'lumbian guard an' we jest went the rounds. 53 M Y I says to him, "I 'm here this week to take the hull thing in; I might not git a chance to go against the thing agin. Outside o' horterculture an' some o' the smaller fruits I want to see them Wolverines at -s still a-wearin' boots. So don' show me no minin' er animals er fish, I 'd rather see them curios from Benton Harbor, Mich." What d' I care fer foreign folks 'at come from pagan lands? I 've heerd an' read enough of Paig, an' heerd the tom-tom bands. I Ve seen enough of Egypt, an' Algiers, an' ancient Rome, An' now I 'm jest a-spilin' fer somepin' right 'round home. Why, gosh all Friday! Take yer Turks an' all yer foreign kit, I want to see them Wolverines, an' I ain't seen 'em yit; 54 Old Michigan I 'm after; seems as if I heerd the swish Of breakers like I used to in Benton Harbor, Mieh. So comin' out from there I says, "We '11 take another route; Course you may know yer business, but I know what I 'm about. I 'm on a hunt fer friends jest now, not Japs er Javanese, Er sore-eyed Esquimaux, er Coons, er bias- eyed Chinese. I've heerd enough of 'Hot! hot! hot!' got frightened at the roar Round Hagenbeck's, an' shook hands with the Sultan of Johore, Until I 'm simply tired out, an' now my only wish Is jest to see them old-time folks from Benton Harbor, Mich." I walked till I got dusty an' thought I 'd like to wash, 55 V . m When lookin' up I saw a tower — 't was Mich- igan, by gosh! "Come on," I says, "I '11 show you now some folks you never saw, Human bein's from Muskegon, Dowagiac, an' Saginaw ; Them folks 'at raises celery way out in Kal'- mazoo, Cassopolis, an' Globeville, an' Ypsilanti, too — St. Joe an' Berrien Centre." I guess I got my wish, I jined the jays an' we went back to Benton Harbor, Mich. ^ a THAT CAT THE cat that comes to my window sill When the moon looks cold and the night is still — He comes in a frenzied state alone With a tail that stands like a pine tree cone, And says: "I have finished my evening lark, And I think I can hear a hound dog bark. My whiskers are froze and stuck to my chin. I do wish you 'd get up and let me in." That cat gits in. But if in the solitude of the night He does n't appear to be feeling right, And rises and stretches and seeks the floor, And some remote corner he would explore, And does n't feel satisfied just because There 's no good spot for to sharpen his claws, And meows and canters uneasy about, Beyond the least shadow of any doubt That cat gits out. 57 tt: 'CAUSE IT S GITTIN' SPRING THE medder lark is pipin' forth a sweeter note to me, An' I hear the pewees over yonder in the cedar tree; The popple leaves is quiv'rin' 'cause the wind is in the west, An' the robin 's round a-hookin' straws to build hisself a nest; The blackbird he 's a-flashin' up the crimson on his wing. What 's the reason? Oh, the reason 's 'cause it 's gittin' spring. The old man 's got the rheumatiz an' stiff as he can be; Why it don't git settled weather 's moah 'n he can see? But when it clears off splendid, then he 's feared the crops is lost, An' he reckons jest a little wind 'ud keep away the frost. 58 The popple leaves isquiv'rin' 'cause the wind is in the west, An'the robin's round a-hookin' straws to build hisself a nest; The kitchen door is open; I can hear Elmiry sing. What's the reason? Oh, the reason 's 'cause it 's gittin' spring. The air is kind of sof t'nin' an' you think it 's goin' to storm; Sometimes it's kind of chilly, then again it comes off warm; An' jest when it 's the stillest you can hear the bullfrog's note, An' it 'pears as if he wondered how the frost got in his throat. The ducks an' geese are riotous, an' strain- in' hard to sing. What's the reason? Oh, the reason 's 'cause it 's gittin' spring. 59 i&zMh. y THE ULTIMATUM 4 ^\7'OJJ can decorate your office *> With a thousand gilded signs, And have upholstered furniture In quaint antique designs; Have the latest patent telephone Where you can yell 'Hello !' But," said she, "I just made up my mind That typewriter must go. "You can stay down at the office, As you have done, after hours; And if you are partial to bouquets, I '11 furnish you with flowers. You can spring the old club story When you come home late, you know, But, remember, I Ve made up my mind That typewriter must go. "You can let your bookkeepers lay off And see a game of ball; The office boy can leave at noon Or not show up at all. 7T $ (m w r\ There — what is this upon your coat? It isn't mine I know. I think I know a thing or two — That typewriter shall go." 61 s SHE DOES NOT HEAR -SH-SH-SH-SHE does not hear the r-r-r-r-robin sing Nor f-f-f-f-feel the b-b-b-b-balmy b-b-breath of spring; Sh-sh-sh-she does not hear the p-p-pelting rain B-b-b-beat ta-ta-tat-t-t-toos on the w-w- winder p-p-pane. Sh-sh-sh-she cuc-cuc-cannot see the autumn s-s-sky, Nor hear the wild geese s-s-s-stringing b-b-by ; And, oh! how happy t-t-t-'tis to know Sh-sh-she never f-f -feels an earthly woe! I s-s-spoke to her; sh-sh-she would not speak. I kuk-kuk-kuk-kissed her, but c-c-cold was her cheek. I could not twine her w-w-w-wondrous hair — It w-w-was so wonderf-f-f -fully rare. 62 /"V*>v ./**> B-b-beside her s-s-stands a v-v-v-vase of flow- ers, A gilded cuc-cuc-cuc-clock that t-t-tells the hours ; And even now the f-f -fire-light f -f-f-f alls On her, and d-d-dances on the walls. Sh-sh-she 's living in a p-p-pup-purer life, Where there 's no tu-tuh-turmoil and no strife ; No t-t-t-tongue can m-m-m-mock, no words embarrass Her b-b-b-b-by g-g-gosh! she's p-p-plaster paris ! 63 THE DAY AND THE SHINGLE THE day is done and the spanker. So oft in the hands of mother. 1 s soon to be wafted downward On little red-headed brother. I can hear the fall of the shingle And poor little brother's refrain. And a feeling of sadness comes o'er me That seems to resemble a pain. A feeling of sadness and sorrow That must be akin to pain. It resembles a seated sorrow That boyhood can only explain. So I hie me away to the attie And put on a few pair of pants. And wedge in a big paper bustle Belonging to one of my aunts. I can see the lights of the village. And also the deep muddy pool, 64 I take a recumbent position, The shingle then comes into play, ft Where often I ducked little brother After the close of school. But she calls me down from the attic And asks me to take off my clothes, With her able-bodied assistance I get myself ready to pose. I take a recumbent position, The shingle then comes into play, Johnnie sits down in a corner And watches the sad matinee. c£* As she presses her thin lips together I feel that at every rebound She puts on a vermilion finish Where my back forms sort of a mound. Such things have power to quiet The restless pulse of care, But it makes it rather uneasy To sit on a hard-bottom chair. Come read to me some poem, Some "Favorite Prescription" lay, 65 %?£ That will soothe this restless feeling And take the stinger away. And the kitchen shall cease its sobbing, And the cares that infest the day Will quietly fold their breeches And silently steal away. 66 THE RIVER ST. JOE WHERE the bumblebee sips and the clover is red, And the zephyrs come laden with peachblow perfume, Where the thistle-down pauses in search of the rose And the myrtle and woodbine and wild ivy grows ; Where the catbird pipes up and it sounds most divine Off there in the branches of some lonely pine; Oh, give me the spot that I once used to know By the side of the placid old River St. Joe! How oft on its banks I have sunk in a dream, Where the willows bent over me kissing the stream, My boat with its nose sort of resting on shore, 67 « While the eat-tails stood guarding a runaway oar : It appeared like to me, that they sort of had some Way of knowing that I would soon get over- come. With the meadow lark singing just over the spot I didn't care whether I floated or not — Just resting out there for an hour or so On the banks of the tranquil old River St. Joe. Where the tall grasses nod at the close of the day. And the sycamore's shadow is slanting away — Where the whip-poor-will chants from a far distant limb Just as if the whole business was all made for him. Oh! it's now that my thoughts, flying back on the wings Of the rail and the die-away song that he sings, 68 Bring the tears to my eyes that drip off into rhyme, And I live once again in the old summer time ; For my soul it seems caught in old time's under-tow And I 'm floating away down the River St. Joe. 69 BABY UP AT BATTEXBERG S HEERD 'bout what's happened? Why o* course ye has; Baby up at Battenberg'.s. Hope it ain't the las'! Doctor come at eight o'clock. Rig all spleshed with clay: Dad a-trampin' up the hall, Skeery? — I sh'd say! Kind o' still roun' the house. Folks on tiptoe walk Till the door is open An' we hear a squawk! Doctor whispers suthin' — Daddy hollers: "No!" Doctor says. "Twelve pounder!" Daddy whoops out: 'Sho!" 70 itbin' Daddv hollers: -No!" Daddy — happier 'n a clam ! Mother doin' well; Baby up at Battenberg's, Haven't ye heerd tell? 71 THE CAT O' NINE TAILS THE old cat o' nine tails is comin' round agin, An' the way he worries children sometimes is a sin; He grabs 'em by the collar, an' he yanks 'em by the clothes An' reaches for a tender place. Why, what do you suppose Will happen if you 're impident an' set aroun' an' grin? Well, I '11 have to call the cat o' nine tails in — Have to call him in; yes, have to call him in; in. tails cat o' nine old I '11 have to call the old cat o' nine tails in. old cat o' nine, tails in. 72 T^^N Are you sassy to yer father, are you fibbin' to yer mother? Are you quarrelin' with yer sister an' a-pinchin' of yer brother, Do you "ring around the rosey" till you have a dizzy feelin,' And you think you 're goin' round an' round an' walkin' on the ceilin'? Well, you better stop yer screechin' an' a-makin' such a din, Er I '11 have to call the old cat o' nine tails in — Have to call him in ; yes, have to call him in ; in. tails cat o' nine old I '11 have to call the old cat o' nine tails in. old cat o' nine tails in. 73 Do you allers mind yer manners when com- pany is come? Er do you git upstairs an' yell, an' stomp around an' drum? Do you show off at the table, too, an' try to act up smart, An' p'int yer fingers at the things an' say: "Gimme a tart?" If some one doesn't dress you down I think it is a sin; So I '11 have to call the old cat o' nine tails in — Have to call him in; yes, have to call him in; in. tails cat o' nine old I '11 have to call the old cat o' nine tails in. old cat o' nine tails in. 74 OLD ST. JOE OF all the towns that jest suits me From Stevensville to Manistee, There 's one old place I can't fergit; It ain't a great ways off, and yit From here it 's sixty miles er so In a bee line — that 's Old St. Joe. I don't p'tend to write, an' ain't One of them air chaps 'at paint; 'F I was I 'd tell o' scenes 'at lie Stretched out afore a feller's eye; Er when the sun was hangin' low I 'd paint it right from Old St. Joe. I Ve seen folks gether there in crowds Jest fer to watch the golden clouds C hangin' shapes, and sort o' windin' Into Aggers, never mindin' That old lake spread out below, Reflectin' 'em at Old St. Joe. 75 Underneath them cedar trees Is where I used to take my ease. Birds a-singin' all along The hedge, an' each one had a song An' sung its best to let you know They jest got back to Old St. Joe. They ain't no purtier sight to me — That is, 'cordin' to my idee — Than jest to watch the gulls 'at fly Round that old pier; an' hear 'em cry An' circle round. It 'pears they know Fishin' 's good at Old St. Joe. Course the people over there They don't notice 'em er care — What they 're worrin' 'bout is frost, An' whether strawberries is lost; Yit they 'pear to take things slow, Jest the same as Old St. Joe. 'Ceptin' rheumatiz, their health Is middlin' good, an' as fer wealth They got that, an' lots o' land ; 76 They ain't no purtier sight to me — Than jest to watch the gulls 'at fly Course the sile is mixed 'ith sand; But that \s what makes the berries grow Over there at Old St. Joe. Take it gener'ly, as a rule, A feller likes where it 's cool, Where he can sleep, an' drink in air That comes perfumed from orchards where The peach trees jest begin to blow; Then where 's a place like Old St. Joe? Such cool breeze blowin' back Keeps the skeeters makin' tack An' the flies they mostly stay Up round Pipestone creek, they say. Tell you what, one thing I know — They ain't no flies on Old St. Joe. 77 x HANK SPINK HANK SPINK, he said— er Bob did, his brother — 'At he hit a man once for somepin' er other, An' after he hit him — I got this from Bob — He simply went right out an' give up his job; Not Hank er Bob, But the feller 'at got hit Give up his job. See? He said 'at the wind, er the force of his blow, Er somepin' like that, somehow — I don't know Just now what it was — I got it from Bob, 'At he got a good swat; not Hank er Bob, By a long shot, But the feller 'at got hit Got a good swat. See? M He said he 'd be blamed, 'at he didn't know How he came to strike such an all-fired blow, 'Cept he guarded his right an' threw the hull heft Of his weight an' his science, an' hit with his left; That lost him his job, not Hank er Bob But the feller 'at got hit, Lost him his job. See? 79 THE WOODTICKS THERE 's things out in the forest 'At 's worser 'n an owl, 'At gets on naughty boys an' girls 'At allers wears a scowl. There 's things out in the forest 'At 's worser 'n a lion, 'At gets on wicked boys an' girls 'At 's quarrelin' an' a-cryin'. There's things out in the forest, mind, An' if you don't take care, The woodticks — the woodticks — Will be crawlin' thro' yer hair. An' they say as boys is naughty, An' their hearts is full o' sin, They '11 crawl out in the night time An' get underneath yer skin, An' the doctor '11 have to take a knife An' cut 'em off jest so, An' if a bit of 'em is left Another one '11 grow, 80 /r An' mebbe you won't feel 'em, too, E.r ever know they 're there, But by an' by they '11 multiply An' crawl up in yer hair. The devil's darnin' needle, too, 'LI come an' sew yer ear. An' make a nest inside like that An' then you '11 never hear ; An' the jigger bugs gets on you, An' the thousand-legged worm 'LI make you writhe, an' twist, an' groan, An' cry, an' yell, an' squirm; But the worst things 'at '11 get you If you lie, er steal, er swear, Is the woodticks — the woodticks — A-crawlin' thro' yer hair. 81 THE TRAMP HE came from where he started And was going where he went. He had n't had a smell of food, Not even had a scent. He never even muttered once Till he began to talk, And when he left the kitchen door He took the garden walk. He said : "There 's no one with me, Because I am alone ; I might have scintillated once ; My clothes have always shone. I got here 'fore the other ones Because I started first: The reason I look shabby is Because I 'm dressed the worst." Then I asked him where he came from — This was just before we parted. And he muttered indistinctly, "Oh, I come from where I started!" 82 And when he left the kitchen door He took the garden walk. COMING CHRISTMAS MORN I'M goin' to start next Saturday; It won't take more 'n a day To visit the United States In my new toboggan sleigh. I Ye sent Jack Frost ahead o' me To sort o' find a road, So my deers '11 find it easy 'Cause I Ye got an awful load. But they Ye had lots o' exercise An' know the way by sight; I Ye speeded them to Baffin's Bay An' back here 'fore 't was night. An' once I drove to Puget's Sound An' once to Behring Sea; I had to make a trip up there To get a Christmas tree. I wish 't you all could see my house, Built out o' cakes o' ice; I guess you think it cold inside, But no, it 's awful nice. 83 aV R All carpeted with sealskin rugs, An' ermine, mink an' sable ; I 'm going to keep it furnished so As long as I am able. An' no gomphobers in the north Can steal round unawares, Because my castle 's guarded by Two great big polar bears. So if a burglar man should come An' try to break into it They 'ud squeeze his life out in a jif, I Ve taught 'em how to do it. Just right around behind my house Is where I keep the toys, 'At I am comin' south'ard with, Fer all good girls an' boys. My big cold storage warehouse stands Right by a frozen tarn, An' right along aside o' it I have my reindeer's barn. So never mind, they 're both piled full Of everything on earth, 84 With Christmas gifts till you can't rest. I don't know what they 're worth. An' four big sea dogs set outside Two walruses, a seal That knows so much if you 'd come nigh He 'd be the first to squeal. The purtiest sight you ever saw, 'S when things is lit up nights — You know we don't have gas up here, But use the Northern Lights. An' forth from every icicle A dazzle spreads away 'At turns the hull big frozen zone Into one mighty day. From where I live, I 'd have you know, It 's truth upon my soul, I don't have very far to go To see the big North Pole, Where Uncle Sam has pinned his flag, There 's where the cold wind pipes, An' flaunts the emblem of the brave, The proud old stars an' stripes. 85 Jc X I 'm coming, children, coming, yes, You ought to see my sleigh, An' hear the tinkle, tinkle, as I speed along the way, Through forests bare, o'er snowy plains. As sure as you are born, Old Santa Claus is coming, an' Will be here Christmas morn. 86 *&0\ HOW OFTEX THEY stood on the bridge at midnight, In a park not far from town; They stood on the bridge at midnight Because they didn't sit down. The moon rose o'er the city Behind the dark church spire; The moon rose o'er the city And kept on rising higher. How often, oh! how often They whispered words so soft; How often, oh! how often, How often, oh! how oft. 87 DIDN'T WE, JIM? YES, sir; we lived home till our mother died, An' I 'd go a-walkin' with Jim, cause he cried, Till night time 'ud come, an' we 'd go up ter bed An' bofe say the prayers 'at she taught us ter said — ' Didn't we, Jim? An' pa 'ud stay late, an' we uster call, 'Cause we thought we heard him downstairs in the hall : An' when he come home once he fell on the floor, An' we run'd an' hid behind ma's bedroom door — Didn't we, Jim? She told us, our ma did, when she 's sick in bed, An' out of the Bible some verses read, Ter never touch wine, and some more I can't think ; 88 She told us, our ma did, when she 's sick in bed, An' out of the Bible some verses read. m But the last words she said was never ter drink — Didn't she, Jim? But our other ma, what our pa brought home there, She whipped little Jim 'cause he stood on a chair An' kissed our ma's picture that hung on the wall, An' struck me fer not doin' nothin' at all — Didn't she, Jim? She said 'at we never had no bringin' up, An' stayed round the house an' eat everything up. An' said 'at we could n't have no more ter eat, An' all 'at we 's fit fer was out in the street — Didn't she, Jim? We said 'at we hated her, didn't we, Jim? But our pa — well, we didn't say nothin' ter him, But just took ma's picture an' bofe run'd away; 89 QSzfn ft.' An' that 's what Jim s cryin' 'bout out here to-day — Didn't we, ain't it, Jim? Mister, don't feel bad — 'cause Jim's cryin' — too; Fer we 're goih' ter hunt aif git somethin' ter do; 'Cause our ma 'at died said ter work an' ter pray, An' we 'd all be together in glory some day — Didn't she, Jim? 90 ST. PATRICK'S DAY MAVOURXEEX, swate Isle, I am lonely widout thee, I sigh for your hills an' your calm sky so blue; Shure I niver had cause One shmall moment to doubt thee, An' whin I 'm not thinkin' I 'm dhreamin' of you. CHORUS So lads, whin I call ye's, Come sing your "Come all Ye's," Ah! here 's to ould Ireland, byes, ivery toime: Och, coleens, be aisy, Your dhrivin' me crazy, What day of our counthry is one half so f oine \ St. Patrick's the day, shure, It was in the mornin,' 91 An' oh! how it graved me, Mavourneen, to part ; But I left ye's, as I Left me mother, a-mournin' An' kissin' the shamrock she placed near me heart. I 'm sorry I left ye's To cross the deep wather, For the game that I Ve played wid misfor- tune 's a draw ; But don't ye be ailin,' I '11 soon be a-sailin' Away to the Isle of swate "Erin go Bragh." Then lend me the harp An' I '11 wake "Tipperary," Sing "By Killarney" wid "Noreen Maureen'/' The shamrock I 'm pressin,' An' while I 'm confessin' I 'm praisin' St. Patrick an' "wearin' the green." 92 o\jv v^6 THE COW SLIPS AWAY THE tall pines pine, The pawpaws pause, And the bumblebee bumbles all day; The eavesdropper drops, And the grasshopper hops, While gently the cow slips away. 93 SK^^y*-/^ rC^ V^Or The poems in this volume have been selected from King's complete work, "Ben King's Verse," published by Forbes and Company, Chicago. Gf LIBRARY OF CONliHtSS IIIIHIIMIII , 016 117 846 9 •