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THE 
 
 LIFE 
 
 OF 
 
 MART DUDLEY, 
 
 INCLUDING AN ACCOUNT 
 OF 
 
 HER RELIGIOUS ENGAGEMENTS 
 
 AND 
 
 EXTRACTS FROM HE ; R LETTERS. 
 
 She " being dead yet speaketlu" — Heb. xi. 
 
 AN APPENDIX, 
 
 CONTAINING SOME ACCOUNT 
 
 OF THE 
 
 ILLNESS AND DEATH OF HER DAUGHTER 
 
 HANNAH DUDLEY. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA : 
 BENJAMIN AND THOMAS KITE, 
 
 JfO. 20, NORTH THIRD STREET. 
 
 1825. 
 
7J> 
 "sty 
 
 SKEHRETT LOCUST STBEIT, 
 
 Philadelphia. 
 
ct 
 
 5^ 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 AS it is declared that " the memory of the just is 
 blessed," and " the righteous shall be in everlasting 
 remembrance," it seems to be the duty of those who 
 possess the requisite materials, to select and bring 
 forward such particulars, respecting the lives and 
 characters of pious and devoted individuals, as may 
 tend to instruct and encourage survivors, and exalt the 
 power of divine grace. 
 
 My beloved mother did not keep a regular journal; 
 yet when absent from home she mostly transmitted 
 copious details of her engagements, and sometimes 
 made memoranda to which she often mentioned her 
 intention of adding; but frequent attacks of illness, 
 and the occurrence of trying circumstances, combined 
 to frustrate her purpose ; so that when not actively 
 engaged in the service of her Lord and Master, the lei- 
 sure she possessed was seldom accompanied by suffi- 
 cient ability for much writing. In the following pages ; 
 however, her own language has been generally ad- 
 hered to, although in making extracts some trifling 
 verbal alterations were found necessary; but great 
 
IV INTRODUCTION. 
 
 care has been taken to preserve the true sense and 
 import where any small variation seemed expedient. 
 The prosecution of this interesting employment has 
 been attended with a consciousness of inability to do 
 justice to the valuable documents committed to my 
 trust, or the character of my departed parent; both of 
 which are capable of being made extensively useful, 
 had the office of Editor been filled by one more com- 
 petent to perform its duties. 
 
 The work is however submitted to the public, with 
 an earnest desire, that one who spent so large a pro- 
 portion of a lengthened life in seeking to promote the 
 highest interests of her fellow-creatures, may, though 
 dead, continue to speak instructively to the hearts and 
 understandings of those who are alike " called to glory 
 and virtue." 
 
 ELIZABETH DUDLEY, 
 
 Peckham, 11 th Month, 1824. 
 
THE LIFE 
 
 MARY DUDLEY. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 From her birth to the time of her joining the Religious So- 
 ciety of Friends, in 1773. 
 
 MARY DUDLEY was the daughter of Joseph and 
 Mary Stokes, and born in the city of Bristol, the 8th 
 of the 6mo. 1750. Being of a delicate constitution, 
 she was, during infancy and childhood, subject to 
 frequent and severe indispositions, yet she was early 
 sent to school, and has often mentioned, as a proof of 
 serious thoughtfulness, her love of reading the Holy 
 Scriptures, and that her partiality for the Prophecies 
 of Isaiah was such, as to make her Governess repeat- 
 edly inquire whether she had not yet got through that 
 book ? Being of quick parts, and possessing facility at 
 acquiring knowledge, she made rapid progress in 
 learning; and as she advanced to youth, the vanity 
 which is inherent in the human mind was much fed 
 by the admiration of her relations and acquaintance : 
 yet, even at this early period, she was at times sensi- 
 ble of the humbling visitation of Divine Love \ and in 
 expressing her solicitude for young people, she has 
 often been Ueard to say, hew highly she should have 
 
6 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. I. 
 
 valued the privilege of christian counsel and sympa- 
 thy, under those convictions which were at times 
 counteracted on one hand by incitements to worldly 
 pleasure, and on the other by ridicule for wishing to 
 appear better than her cotemporaries ; nor were these 
 efforts untried on the part of those whose duty it was 
 to act very differently. The following are her own 
 observations : 
 
 "I am drawn to commemorate the gracious 
 
 dealings of a merciful Father and Creator in early 
 visiting my mind, which, though ignorant of the nature 
 of deep religious feelings, was certainly often impress- 
 ed with them in the morning of my day; though, from 
 a remarkably lively disposition, I did not yield to that 
 awful fear, (at seasons felt,) which preserving from the 
 snares of death would have led into a conformity to the 
 divine will. Being educated in great strictness by my 
 parents, respecting the observance and ceremonies of 
 the worship they professed, (that of the Establishment,) 
 I was a constant attendant upon them from childhood, 
 though with this, allowed to enter into, most of the vain 
 amusements of the world, to which my natural dispo- 
 sition greatly inclined; while in the midst of dissipa- 
 tion I often felt a dissatisfaction, and my mind was 
 visited with something so awful that I appeared to 
 others very grave, and have frequently been laughed at 
 for it. I was fond of reading, and found much pleasure 
 in yielding to it ; which, with a turn for poetry, and 
 the intimate acquaintance of several sensible seriously 
 inclined persons, occupied much of my time from seven- 
 teen to eighteen years of age. These circumstances, 
 together with the death of my beloved grandmother, 
 gave a shock to that vanity, in the gratification of which 
 she had much contributed to support me; and a disap 
 
17^0 — 1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 7 
 
 pointment in au affectionate attachment terminated the 
 attraction to visible objects, so that my mind was like 
 a blank, waiting to be filled up, and prepared for the 
 more extensive reception of the precious visitation, 
 which, early in the twentieth year of my life, was 
 sweetly vouchsafed; so that all that was within me 
 bowed in deep prostration, and yielded to the superior 
 power of heavenly love. My mind being in the pre- 
 pared state above described, it would be unsafe to date 
 this change from the particular period of my attending 
 the Methodist meetings ; though in doing so I certainly 
 felt more of divine impressions than at any previous 
 season, and particularly when under the ministry of 
 one of their preachers, who seemed like an angel com- 
 missioned with a message to my mind. I continued to 
 hear him, with many others ; attended all the means, 
 (as they are called,) and was often sweetly affected and 
 comforted ; yet even at such times there was something 
 within me craving the purity of an inward, spiritual 
 life — and seeing that without holiness no man could 
 see the Lord, as I did believe was attainable, how did 
 my whole soul breathe for this knowledge to be reveal- 
 ed, and, in the depth of silence, struggle that I might 
 rightly seek and experience it. I went into various 
 places of worship among the Dissenters, and was at 
 one time greatly taken with the Baptists ; but still found 
 a want, a vacuum unfilled with that good I was thirst- 
 ing after. Not from conviction, but partly from persua- 
 sion, and something in me yielding to the way I thought 
 might easily settle me, 1 joined the Methodist Society, 
 and also continued constantly to attend the established 
 worship, that of my education; but iu the several cere- 
 monies of this, and the different meetings of the other, 
 such as classes, bands, &c. I felt unsatisfied, and often. 
 
8 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. I. 
 
 while others were engaged in attention to the preach- 
 ing and singing, has my Spirit in solemn silence com- 
 muned with the " Lord my strength," so that I scarcely 
 knew what was passing around me, and even felt dis- 
 turbed from this inward attraction, when obliged to 
 draw to that spot where the outward elements were 
 prepared for the congregation. Oh ! how did I then 
 feel the Heavenly Mystery, and sweetly partake of the 
 bread of life, so that all forms and shadows fled away, 
 and became no longer of use or efficacy to a mind feed- 
 ing spiritually on the substance. During these feelings 
 and consequent shakings from all visible things, I often 
 went into Friends' Meetings, and there, especially in 
 silence, did my Spirit feed, as it also did in deep awful 
 retiredness, when no eye saw me; but when, by this 
 powerful attraction, hours have passed away, so that 
 my body seemed to do with a very small portion of 
 rest or sleep, I felt like a child clinging to its parent's 
 breast; and in this state covenant was made, which to 
 this hour I humbly trust has not been forgotten." 
 
 Her totally withdrawing herself from those scenes 
 of amusement in which she had dissipated much pre- 
 cious time, brought upon her the ridicule of her young 
 companions, and even the censure of many who were 
 much older though less thoughtful than she was ; and 
 the expectation of her again returning to worldly plea- 
 sures, was frequently evinced ; while both flattery and 
 entreaty were made use of, to counteract that serious- 
 ness of demeanour which was deemed so unnecessary 
 at the age of niueteen. The change which she felt it 
 her duty to make, by leaving off ornaments, and wear- 
 ing such attire as was consistent with her views of 
 christian simplicity, being very mortifying to some of 
 her nearest connexions, she suffered considerably on 
 
1750—1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 9 
 
 this account. The peace, however, with which her 
 mind was favoured, more than counterbalanced these 
 trials; and strength being mercifully proportioned to 
 the occasion, she was enabled to persevere in the path 
 of obedience, and has frequently been heard to say, 
 that her company soon became as undesirable to her 
 former gay associates, as their's was to her; while her 
 society and example proved the means of solid advan- 
 tage to some of her cotemporaries, who continued or 
 sought her acquaintance. At this period she frequently 
 recorded her feelings in metrical composition ; and the 
 two following pieces are selected, as instructively de- 
 scribing her state of mind. 
 
 WRITTEN ON HER TWENTIETH BIRTH-DAY. 
 
 Did angels' love or seraphs' glowing fire 
 My bosom warm, or my glad breast inspire—- 
 With what loud praises would I pierce the skies. 
 What tuneful incense from my lips should rise. 
 Yet tho' my pow'rs with no such ardour glow, 
 The feeble strains of thankful love may flow; 
 My languid numbers shall a tribute bring, 
 And humble praise awake the silent string. 
 While nineteen years their varied seasons roll'd, 
 How chain'd this captive heart in winter's cold; 
 Unaw'd by threat'nings and uncharm'd by love, 
 It still refus'd the quick'ning draught to prove. 
 Vain the return of ev'ry annual day, 
 Its call still slighted or neglected lay; 
 In vain it told me that it gave me birth, 
 For still it found and left me slave to earth. 
 Immur'd in shades of interwoven night, 
 In Nature's dismal chaos, void of light, 
 Thus lay enwrapt my pow'rs, till mercy spoke, 
 And thro' the gloom a ray obedient broke. 
 
10 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. 
 
 Amazing grace! thro' this I still survive, 
 
 And boundless love has bid the rebel live; — ■ 
 
 Bids me, for once, with joy behold the day 
 
 That brought to light this animated clay. 
 
 Since Mercy deigns to smile, — hail welcome morn! 
 
 Forever solemniz'd be thy return ; 
 
 On thee let pure devotion ever rise, 
 
 And breathe to heav'n unsullied sacrifice. 
 
 A HYMN, 
 
 WRITTEN IN THE TWENTY-FIRST YEAR OF HER AGE. 
 
 How shall I tune a trembling lay, 
 
 How touch the soften'd string ? 
 Fain would I heav'nly love display, — 
 
 The God of mercy sing. 
 
 I would, — but Oh! how faint each power, 
 
 How far too high the theme ; — 
 Come, blessed Spirit, aid restore, 
 
 And raise the languid flame! 
 
 What wondrous grace! what boundless love! 
 
 What soft compassion this, 
 That calls my rebel heart to prove 
 
 A never-fading bliss ! 
 
 Long have I sought the pleasing sound,-— 
 
 But sought, alas! in vain — 
 Explor'd in Pleasure's mazy ground, 
 
 In Nature's desert plain. 
 
 What grace that I am not consum'd, 
 
 Not hurl'd to endless night ; 
 Mercy has all her pow'r assum'd, 
 
 And yields a cheering light. 
 
1750 1773.] MARY DUDLEY, 11 
 
 'Tis Mercy bids me seek the Lord j 
 
 'Tis Mercy bids me fly ; 
 'Tis Mercy speaks the balmy word, 
 
 "Repent, thy God is nigh." 
 
 'Tis mercy fills my trembling heart 
 
 With agonizing pain, 
 With keen distress and poignant smart,—- 
 
 Nor heave these sighs in vain. 
 
 The tears that now in torrents flow, 
 
 This Mercy will repress ; 
 Remove the load, a pardon show, 
 
 And speak a healing peace. 
 
 Then let me humbly wait the hour — 
 
 The hour of sweet release j 
 Incessant, saving grace implore, 
 
 Incessant, pant for peace. 
 
 At thy blest feet, my Lord and King, 
 
 Resigned led me lie, 
 Till the glad peals of triumph ring, 
 
 And Faith behold Thee nigh. 
 
 Then shall the stammerer's tongue proclaim 
 
 The goodness of the Lord ; 
 In grateful strains rehearse His fame. 
 
 In hymns His love record. 
 
 I'll warble to each list'ning ear 
 
 The feeble song of praise ; 
 My sweet employ while traveling here, 
 
 To lisp Redeeming Grace! 
 
 She was much esteemed by John Wesley, and 
 other distinguished characters iu the Methodist con- 
 nexion, and was frequently urged to become what is 
 called a class leader ; but she freely confessed to him, 
 
12 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. I. 
 
 and other members of the Society, that her views 
 were not perfectly accordant with their tenets, and 
 she uniformly refrained from taking any active part 
 amongst them. Her exercises of mind, under the gra- 
 dual discoveries of the diviue will concerning her, 
 being in degree unfolded in some letters to a dear and 
 intimate friend, it is thought the following extracts 
 will be acceptable to the reader. 
 
 May 10th, 1771. — "I have nothing, my dear 
 friend, to tell you, but of mercies — nothing but un- 
 bounded love should be my theme. The Lord is in- 
 deed gracious, and has lately given me to feel it. Oh ! 
 what sweet calls, what gentle admonitions has He in- 
 dulged me with. The feeble structure of clay is im- 
 paired — but, glory to my God, my soul feels the in- 
 vigorating influence of his grace ; in some moments of 
 retirement lately, it has been ready to burst its barrier, 
 and I have earnestly longed to be with my Beloved, 
 nor can I think it will be long first. Glorious pros- 
 pect ! Oh ! my friend, if our next meeting should be 
 around the throne ! While I write, my heart feels un- 
 utterable desires. Pray for me, that the work of 
 grace may be completed in my soul. I believe it 
 will — I feel I want every thing, and am fully confi- 
 dent Jesus will supply all that is lacking. In the 
 eyes of some, this might appear as the wild excursion 
 of enthusiasm ; to my friend it will wear a different 
 aspect, and, (I trust,) engage her in my behalf at the 
 throne of grace. This, however, we are certain of, there 
 is no danger from any thing that leads to God, and an 
 impression, whether real or imaginary, of our nearness 
 to death, cannot but give a solemnity to the mind." 
 
 November 5th, 1771. — (i Do not you, do not I, feel 
 the need of just such an all-sufficient Redeemer; as 
 
1750 1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 13 
 
 the compassionate Jesus ? Blessed be His name, we 
 cannot, we would not do without Him, as our Prophet, 
 Priest, and King. Here our poverty is indeed our 
 greatest riches : we are content, yea, we rejoice, that 
 our whole dependance is on, and our entire support 
 derived from Him in whom all fulness dwells ; as 
 having nothing and yet possessing all things. Christ 
 is indeed eyes to the blind, ears to the deaf, feet to the 
 lame, yea, all the sinner wants. For my own part, I 
 feel I am all weakness and helplessness, having every 
 thing to learn, but find the Lord Jesus to be that 
 rock whereunto I may always resort. 1 long to be 
 more closely united to Him who hath so graciously 
 condescended, and mercifully delivered me. Oh ! that 
 my one desire, aim, and intention, may be to live to 
 His glory." 
 
 — " To be in the will of Him who does all 
 
 things well, is blessed : may we bow continually to 
 His easy sway. Oh ! what happiness should we find 
 resulting from the desire that He might choose for us. 
 Surely infinite love joins with infinite wisdom, and wills 
 our peace. May our language then be ever this — 
 
 ' Melt down our will and let it flow 
 And take the mould divine.' 
 
 a Consider the Apostle and High Priest of 
 
 our profession, Jesus Christ, who for the joy that was 
 set before Him endured the cross.* Oh ! my friend, 
 
 * The Editor takes this opportunity of observing, that the pas- 
 sage in Hebrews, chap. xii. ver. 2, seems best understood bj ac- 
 cepting the word "/or" as "instead of," which appears most ac- 
 cordant with the apostle's view of the magnitude of our blessed 
 Redeemer's sacrifice. The pious subject of these memoirs having 
 been accustomed to attach this meaning to the text, renders the 
 present note more requisite. 
 
14 THE LIFE OF [CHAP I. 
 
 let us press toward the mark, this glorious mark of 
 conformity to our divine Lord and Master. Does 
 nature, that principle which cries spare me, oppose, 
 and strongly resist the operation of that power which 
 lays the axe to the root of the tree, and forbids self- 
 indulgence? yet, let us in the strength communicated, 
 obey that command "follow me;" and will not every 
 act of self-denial we are enabled to perform, weaken 
 the power of our enemies, and encourage us to perse- 
 vere in the glorious combat? Verily it will, and also 
 meet a present recompense of reward from conde- 
 scending grace. Come then, my beloved friend, gird 
 up the loins of your mind, be sober, and watch unto 
 prayer; the Bridegroom cometh, go ye forth to meet 
 him; meet Him, by adverting to Him in your own 
 heart, where he waits to speak in righteousness, 
 mighty to save. Oh! for that attentive listening to 
 His secret voice, which one felt who said, ( Be still, 
 Oh my soul ! speak, Oh my Love V I had almost 
 said, Hail celestial silence, sacred source of heavenly 
 safety, sweetest spring of solid peace. I know not of 
 any path besides that is truly safe, — it is an impreg- 
 nable fortress.— e I will watch to see what He will say 
 unto me,' was the determination of an ancient servant 
 of the Most High : may my friend go and do likewise, 
 and may the God of all grace enable His weakest 
 worm to follow every solemn injunction, and obey the 
 dictates of His spirit. Pray that I may ever keep an 
 attentive watch, lest I should be surprised in an hour 
 I expect not." — 
 
 " I have frequently wished for an opportuni- 
 ty of addressing you through this channel, but in vain, 
 till the present moment, and with more than usual 
 pleasure I embrace it, but what can I say? Not rich 
 
1750—1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 15 
 
 and increased with goods, but poor and needy, where 
 is my spring of help? Even in Him who is the Alpha 
 and Omega; if in matchless condescension He deigns 
 to communicate, as His is the power, to Him also may 
 the glory be ever ascribed ! I suppose my friend ex- 
 pects an interpretation of what has been lately hint- 
 ed, with regard to the approbation I feel of the Qua- 
 kers' mode of worship : on this point I have little to 
 say, yet with the most unreserved freedom will I 
 speak to that friend, whom I icish to know the inmost 
 recesses of my heart. I need not tell you how exceed- 
 ingly different my natural disposition is from the love 
 of solitude, whether internal or external. Prone to 
 activity, and fond of dissipation, I pursued the attrac- 
 tion, till a more powerful and all -conquering one al- 
 lured me. Since I have known any thing of the pea^e 
 which is from above, retirement has been pleasant, 
 though a principle of acting was yet alive; this was 
 encouraged by my connexion with the Methodists, 
 who I need not tell you are in the active class ; hav- 
 ing premised how opposed to my own, I think I may 
 conclude, that the Spirit of God has now produced a 
 cessation of self- working within me, and by emptying 
 as from vessel to vessel, is showing me I have every 
 thing to learn, and that by lying in His forming hand, 
 the temple will be raised to his own glory ; this leads 
 me into the inward path of abstraction from those 
 things I once thought essential, and to the confirma- 
 tion of these feelings the ministry of the Friends has 
 much contributed ; the small still voice has whispered 
 unutterable things to His unworthy dust in their as- 
 semblies, and given tokens of his approbation to my 
 meeting with them. Adored be his condescending 
 love ! Hitherto then hath the Lord brought me, and 
 
16 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. I. 
 
 who hath been His Counsellor P Verily bis own un- 
 erring wisdom: the future, (with the past,) is His; 
 ignorance itself am I. I have no light, but as he dif- 
 fuses it, and He has graciously promised that His 
 followers shall not walk in darkness, but shall have 
 the light of life; they shall be taught of God. Is this 
 Divine Teacher my friend? May I be all attention to 
 Him who has given me the desire to be instructed by 
 Him. To this guiding, my much loved friend, I 
 leave my cause ; I feel it my privilege to wait upon 
 God. I know not that it is my duty to be joined with 
 this part of the flock, though my mind strongly unites 
 with them : my path must be more illumined before I 
 presume to take a step so important. I want not a 
 name, need I tell you so? it is the nature of that 
 Christianity which is life and spirit, that can alone 
 administer real peace to mine and to every soul. Per- 
 mit me then, my friend, to meet with, and love those 
 who are the subject of your fears — your friendly, ten- 
 der fears, and think not that I shall ever realize these, 
 unless plainly directed thereto. My ever-dear friend 
 will, I doubt not, bear me on her heart before the 
 throne of grace, where I trust our united language 
 will for ever be — < Father, thy will be done.' ?? 
 
 Many others of her religious acquaintance also tes- 
 tified their uneasiness at her evident attraction to the 
 Society of Friends ; and John Wesley wrote to her 
 in very strong terms of disapprobation. The follow- 
 ing letter to him closed her correspondence with this 
 highly-esteemed friend, who afterwards continued to 
 treat her with affectionate regard, and to speak of her 
 in terms of respect. 
 
1750 — 1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 17 
 
 Letter to John Wesley. 
 
 July 9,9th, 1772. 
 i6 My very dear and worthy friend, 
 
 " For once I can say, the receipt of a letter 
 from you has given me inexpressible pain ; I am there- 
 fore constrained to address you in this manner, before 
 we personally meet, as I fear my spirits would not en- 
 able me so freely to speak as to write the undisguised 
 feelings of my heart. I believe the apprehension of 
 my valuable friend and father arises from a tender 
 affection for an unworthy worm; of the sincerity of 
 which he has only added a fresh and convincing proof. 
 Whether I may give weight to, or dissipate your fears, 
 the most unreserved declaration of my sentiments will 
 determine. Your reviving in my remembrance the 
 many favours I have received from the liberal hand of 
 mercy, since my connexion with our dear friends, is 
 kindly proper ; I think I have some sensibility of the 
 love of God towards me in this respect, and esteem 
 that memorable hour when I heard the gospel trumpet 
 among them, the happiest of my life. Yes, my dearest 
 sir, my heart burns while I recollect the attraction of 
 heavenly grace! the many, the innumerable mercies 
 since then received, I desire with thankfulness to ac- 
 knowledge; and which, unless the spirit is separated 
 from the gracious Author, cannot be forgotten. ( Be- 
 ware of striking into new paths, 7 says my revered friend. 
 Much, very much, should I fear exploring any of my- 
 self, or taking one step in so important a point, with- 
 out the direction of Him, who is emphatically called, 
 • Wonderful ! Counsellor P To His praise be it spo- 
 ken, He has given me the desire to be guided by Him ; 
 and I humbly hope, in obedience to this Holy Teacher, 
 I have at some seasons lately attended the Quakers' 
 3 
 
18 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. I. 
 
 Meeting, but not at the time of our own worship, ex= 
 cept Sunday evenings, when, with truth I say, the ex- 
 cessive warmth of the room was too much for me to 
 bear. I am obliged to testify, the Lord has clothed 
 His word delivered there with divine power, for which 
 the heart of my dear father will rejoice, since 
 
 i Names, and sects, and parties fall, 
 And thou, Christ, art all in all!' 
 
 With regard to silent meetings, I apprehend their au- 
 thority may be known by the power they are attended 
 with. I have not been at such, yet in my own expe- 
 rience find the unutterable prayer to be the most pro- 
 fitable, and am led much into what is so beautifully 
 expressed in one of our hymns. 
 
 4 The speechless awe that dares not move, 
 And all the silent heaven of love. ' 
 
 I long to be more internally devoted to that God, who 
 alone is worshipped in spirit and in truth ; and find, in 
 order to keep up a spiritual intercourse, there must be 
 a deep, inward, silent attention, to the secret intima- 
 tions of divine love, for which my inmost soul aspires 
 to Him, who has promised to fulfil the desire of them 
 that seek him ; and is this, my dear Sir, < stepping out 
 of the way?' Surely it cannot, while I find a peace 
 that passeth all understanding. Can this lead me to 
 think slightly of ray old teachers? Oh ! could my heart 
 be opened to my friend, he would see far other charac- 
 ters imprest. Will this teach me to neglect my meet- 
 ings ? I esteem them great privileges where, not cus- 
 tom, but a sincere desire for God's glory is our princi- 
 ple of action. What further can I say to my honoured 
 
1750 — 1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 19 
 
 friend, after disclosing so much of that heart which 
 holds him in most affectionate and respectful love. I 
 can only add the request, that he would join me in that 
 emphatic prayer to the God of all grace, 'Thy will be 
 done ;' to which an attention and obedience will, I trust, 
 divinely influence his very unworthy, but gratefully 
 affectionate;, 
 
 " M. Stokes." 
 
 After this she gradually withdrew from the Metho- 
 dist Society, and became increasingly sensible that it 
 was her religious duty to profess with Friends, which 
 she was strengthened openly to acknowledge in lan- 
 guage and demeanour about the middle of the year 
 1773. This important event and the deep exercises by 
 which it was preceded are thus stated in my dear mo- 
 ther's own narrative : 
 
 — " The active zeal of the people I loved, and 
 
 had joined, now appeared to me irreconcileable with 
 that self-abasement, and utter inability to move with- 
 out holy help, which I experienced. I had nothing but 
 poverty and weakness to tell of; and when, from the 
 force of example, I did speak,* my little strength was 
 rather diminished than increased. Indeed, I found 
 little but in quietude and inward attention, and when 
 centred here, I had all things, because I possessed the 
 good itself. Thus was my mind drawn from all crea- 
 tures, without the help of any, to the Creator and 
 source of light and life, who, to finish His own work, 
 saw meet to deprive me of my health ; this happened in 
 the year 1773, about the time of my dear father's death, 
 
 * This alludes to the practice of disclosing individual expe- 
 rience, in the Class Meetings of the Methodist Society. 
 
20 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. I. 
 
 on whom I closely attended through a lingering illness, 
 wherein he said to me, ( O Polly ! I had rather see you 
 as you are than on a throne.' I believe he died in 
 peace. My complaints threatened my life, being con- 
 sumptive, but I felt no way anxious respecting the ter- 
 mination. I was weaned from all creatures, but felt, 
 beyond all doubt, that if life was prolonged, were there 
 no Quaker on earth, I must be one in principle and 
 practice ; but being determined if the work was of God, 
 He himself should effect it, I read not any book of their 
 writing. Being utterly unable to go from home, I at- 
 tended no place of worship, and conversed with very 
 few, except my beloved and most intimate friend, Re- 
 becca Scudamore,* and even to her were my lips seal- 
 ed respecting the path pointed out to me ; but, after 
 hesitating and shrinking many weeks from using the 
 plain language, wherein the cross was too great to be 
 resignedly borne, she told me her fixed belief, that I 
 ought to use it, and that my disobedience caused her 
 great suffering, or to that effect : I then told her, I was 
 convinced of its being required, but, that if giving my 
 natural life would be accepted, I was ready to yield 
 the sacrifice. My health grew worse, and every act of 
 transgression increased my bodily weakness ; until 
 feeling all was at stake, in the very anguish of my 
 spirit I yielded; and addressing my beloved and. 
 hitherto affectionate mother, in the language of convic- 
 tion, my sufferings grew extreme through her opposi- 
 tion; but never may my soul forget the precious influ- 
 ence then extended; the very climate I breathed in was 
 
 * This friend was a member of the Church of England, and 
 highly esteemed, as a woman of distinguished piety and deep spi- 
 ritual experience. A short account of her life was printed at Bris- 
 tol about thirty years ago. 
 
iJ50 — 1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 21 
 
 sweet, all was tranquil and serene, and the evidence 
 of Heavenly approbation beyond expression clear ; so 
 that this temporary suffering from mistaken zeal, seem- 
 ed light, comparatively : and indeed all was more than 
 compensated by future kindness, when light shone 
 about that dear parent's dwelling. My health mended, 
 I soon got to Meetings, and though ignorant of the way 
 Friends had been led, or some peculiar testimonies 
 they held, the day of vision clearly unfolded them one 
 after another, so that obedience in one matter loosened 
 the seal to another opening, until I found, as face an- 
 swered face in a glass, so did the experience of en- 
 lightened minds answer one to the other. I here re- 
 member the strong impression I received of the want of 
 rectitude and spirituality, respecting the payment of 
 tithes or priest's demands; feeling great pain in only 
 handing, at my mother's request, a piece of money, 
 which was her property, to some collectors for this 
 purpose: so delicate and swift is the pure witness 
 against even touching that which defileth." 
 
 Her relations left no means untried to dissuade her 
 from a profession which involved so much self-denial, 
 and seemed, in their view, to frustrate every prospect 
 of worldly advantage ; and her mother considering her 
 change as the effect of temptation, was in hopes the 
 interference of the minister of the parish would prove 
 helpful, and accordingly promoted their having an in- 
 terview ; but this did not produce any alteration, nei- 
 ther was it very satisfactory to either party ; the clergy- 
 man very strongly censured her for having taken so 
 important a step without first consulting him, to which 
 she replied, that not feeling at liberty to confer with 
 flesh and blood, even by consulting her own inclina- 
 tions, she dared not to seek any human counsel, and 
 
2% THE LIFE OF [CHAI». I. 
 
 was endeavouring to act in simple obedience to the 
 discoveries of Divine Light in her own soul. Upon 
 leaving her, he presented a book, which he enjoined 
 her to read, but upon looking at the title " A Preser- 
 vative from Quakerism," she pleasantly observed, "It 
 is too late, thou shouldst have brought me a restora- 
 tive." In the midst of this opposition, she. was much 
 encouraged by the sympathy and Christian advice of 
 Elizabeth Johnson, a conspicuous and valuable mem- 
 ber of the Methodist Society. This friend had fre- 
 quently visited her during her illness, and once when 
 she was thought near her end, after spending a consi- 
 derable time in silence by the bed-side, solemnly ad- 
 dressed her in the following language, " I do not be- 
 lieve that your Heavenly Father is about to take you 
 out of the world, but I believe you are called to make 
 a different profession ; you are not led as the Metho- 
 dists are, but are designed to become a Quaker." This, 
 though very striking and of an encouraging tendency, 
 did not produce any acknowledgment of what was then 
 passing in the conflicted mind of the invalid, who, 
 however, continued to derive comfort from the visits of 
 this valuable acquaintance ; and has often mentioned 
 the sweet and strengthening influence of which she was 
 at times sensible, when no words passed between them, 
 as well as the tender and maternal interest which she 
 afterwards manifested, when the view she had express- 
 ed was realized, by her young friend publicly avowing 
 religious sentiments different from her own. 
 
1773—1786.] MARY DUDLEY, §3 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 Conflicts respecting her call to the Ministry — Marriage and 
 Removal into Ireland. From 1773 to 17S6. 
 
 THE state of her mind at this important period, 
 will be best set forth by a further extract from the Me- 
 moir already alluded to — 
 
 "I now kept constantly to the Meetings of 
 
 Frieuds, and began to feel a settlement of mind in real 
 peace, which my tossed state for several years had 
 caused me only transiently to possess ; or, at least, not 
 in the degree of which I now partook ; not that all the 
 work seemed requisite to commence anew, for assured- 
 ly Christ had been raised in my heart, though until 
 now, the government was not wholly on His shoulders ; 
 but by this unreserved surrender to His pure guidance, 
 the mystery of godliness was beginning to open in in- 
 creasing light and power, and that spirituality which 
 had been discovered was now in a measure possessed. 
 The view I had been affected with on my first con- 
 vincement, now cleared, and appeared so near being 
 realized, that my mind, almost without interruption, 
 dwelt under so awful a covering, that even all conver- 
 sation impressed me with fear, and I was held in deep 
 inward attention for, and to, the revealings of life. In 
 religious Meetings I was for some time frequently af- 
 fected even to trembling, when matter would present 
 to my mind, as though I must deliver it, though seldom 
 more than a very little ; notwithstanding the love 1 felt 
 was so universal, that I wanted all to be reached unto, 
 
24 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. II. 
 
 but for this family, (the Society of Friends,) among 
 whom I had tasted the soul sustaining bread, Oh ! how 
 did I long for them and their good. 
 
 " About this season, from a settled conviction of 
 rectitude, I applied to be received into membership ; 
 and thought I might, when this privilege was granted, 
 feel more strength should this solemn requiring be con- 
 tinued ; but though my way was made so easy, that 
 one visit only was ever paid me on this account, 
 Friends being quite satisfied in their minds respecting 
 the work begun in me, yet while the previous delibe- 
 ration in the Meeting took place, the fire of the Lord 
 so burned in my heart, that I dared not but speak with 
 my tongue. For several Meeting days I hesitated, 
 not from wilful disobedience, but awful fear to move 
 in so great a work, and felt consequent poverty, 
 though not severe condemnation ; but one day, about 
 the eleventh month, (I think,) in the year 1773, sitting 
 with Friends in their Meeting-house in the Friars, 
 Bristol, (I had once in a little country Meeting moved 
 before, but never here where the cross was great in- 
 deed,) my spirit bowed in awful reverence before the 
 God of my life, and a few words so settled, that I could 
 not any way shake them from me. I sat and trembled 
 exceedingly, and desired to be excused, till a valuable 
 friend from America, (Robert Willis) then on a reli- 
 gious visit to that city, stood up, and spoke so encourag- 
 ingly to my state, that when he closed I stood on my 
 feet, and the words impressing my miud, seemed to 
 run through me as a passive vessel ; he almost instant- 
 ly kneeled down, and supplicated for the preservation 
 of the little ones, saying, 6 Thou hast brought to the 
 birth and given strength to bring forth,' &c. I could 
 not stand while he was thus engaged, being as though 
 
4773— 1786.] MARY DUDLEY. 25 
 
 my whole frame was shaken through the power of 
 truth. When Meeting closed I got as quickly as I 
 could out of it, and walked a back way home, with 
 such a covering of sweet peace, that I felt the evidence 
 indisputably clear, that if I were then called out of 
 time, an everlasting inheritance was sure : the whole 
 creation wore the aspect of serenity, and the Creator 
 of all things was my Friend. Oh ! on my return home 
 and retiring to my chamber, how sweetly precious did 
 the language, addressed to the holy Patriarch in an in- 
 stance of obedience, feel to my spirit, and it was in- 
 deed sealed by divine power, "Because thou hast 
 been faithful in this thing, in blessing I will bless 
 thee," &c. &c. None of my family knew of this mat- 
 ter, and I strove to appear cheerful, which indeed I 
 could in the sweet feeling of life ; but so awful was the 
 consideration of what was thus begun, that solemnity 
 was also my garment, and I wished to be hid from the 
 sight of every one. My body being very weak, the 
 exercise and agitation greatly affected me, and I was 
 that night taken alarmingly ill, but in a few days re- 
 covered, and got again to Meetings. Friends mani- 
 fested great tenderness towards me, and though not 
 frequently, I sometimes said a few words in the same 
 simplicity I first moved, and once or twice ventured on 
 my knees ; after which exercises, I mean all of this 
 nature, I felt quiet and easy, but never partook in the 
 like degree as before recited of divine consolation." 
 Here it may not be unseasonable to remark, that 
 her dedication was made the means of reconciling her 
 offended mother to the change which had so exceed- 
 ingly tried her. This dear parent being accidentally 
 at a Meeting where her daughter spoke, was greatly 
 affected by the circumstance, and calling upon an inti- 
 4 
 
2(5 THE LIFE 01 [CHAP. II, 
 
 mate acquaintance afterwards, expressed her regret at 
 having ever opposed her, adding, that she was then 
 convinced it must be the work of God, as from the 
 knowledge she had of her daughter's disposition, she 
 was well aware it must have cost her close suffering to 
 undergo the exposure she had witnessed that evening. 
 The fruit of this conviction became immediately appa- 
 rent, so that although no direct allusion was ever made 
 to the subject, the return of maternal tenderness and 
 love was a sufficient, and very grateful, evidence to 
 one who had deeply lamented the necessity of giving 
 pain to a parent, by acknowledging the superior duty 
 she owed to her heavenly Father. 
 
 In her own memoranda she then writes — 
 
 " My acquaintance now increased amongst 
 
 Friends, and I had frequent opportunities of hearing 
 the observations of some very wise and experienced 
 persons, respecting ministry. Though great was the 
 encouragement given me by many, as well residents 
 in the same place, as strangers, a disposition always 
 prevalent in me, especially on religious subjects, now 
 took the lead, and I fell into great reasoning respect- 
 ing my call to, and preparation for, so great a work. 
 I imagined if I had longer abode in the furnace of 
 refinement it had been better, and sometimes thought I 
 was wholly mistaken; that perhaps the first, or all 
 the little offerings, were acceptable as proofs of the 
 surrender of my will ; but, the ministry I was not de- 
 signed for, the woe had not been sufficiently felt, &c. 
 &c. Oh ! it would be difficult for me to mention, nor 
 might it be safe, what my spirit was by these reason- 
 ings plunged into, insomuch that at last life itself was 
 bitter, and a coincidence of outward circumstances ad- 
 ded to my inward pressures, so that I fainted in my 
 
1773—1786.] MARY DUDLEY. 27 
 
 sighing, and found little or no rest. Meeting after 
 Meeting I refused to move at the word of holy com- 
 mand, which hereby became less intelligible, and my 
 understanding gradually darkened through rebellion, 
 so that I said with Jonah, 6 It is better for me to die 
 than to live/ Frequently, before going to Meeting, 
 has my spirit felt the interceding language, < Leave me 
 not altogether, but, if this thing be required of me, 
 again reveal thy power, and I will yield obedience ;' 
 and such has been the condescension of the Lord that 
 I have been repeatedly so favoured: but presuming to 
 say, this is not a motion strong or clear enough, I can- 
 not move in doubt or uncertainty, my covenant was 
 not kept, and I again incurred divine displeasure, and 
 in a manner only comprehended by experience, knew 
 the poverty of withholding more than was meet. I at 
 last became almost insensible to any clear call or ma- 
 nifestation of duty ; yet when deprived of my health, 
 and not expected by others to recover, I was favoured 
 with inward quiet, and perhaps might have obtained 
 mercy, had I then been taken ; but He, whose good- 
 ness and ways are unfathomable, saw meet to raise 
 from the bed of languishing ; and soon after, (in the 
 year 1777?) I entered into the married state, and 
 removed to settle in Ireland. 
 
 " It was now about four years since I had first 
 opened my mouth in the ministry, and perhaps three 
 years since the reasonings of my mind had kept me 
 from a state of obedience, in which time I had remov- 
 ed fromoBristol to Frenchay, (where I was married,) 
 at which place of residence I never recollect appear- 
 ing in any Meeting, and seldom in any private sitting; 
 often concludiug, that, if any gift had ever been entrust- 
 ed, it was now quite removed, and I must endeavour in 
 
S8 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. II. 
 
 some other form to be a vessel, if that could be, of use. 
 I well remember, as I had nearly centred in this state, 
 and in more than distress, even wretchedness at times, 
 a language saluted the ear of my soul, which I then 
 knew not was in Scripture, but on searching found it. 
 ' The gifts and callings of God are without repent- 
 ance:' then my strong hold of settling in that state 
 was broken up, and I was humbled in grateful ac- 
 knowledgment that I might still be restored. Being 
 in the situation above described, I was recommended 
 to the Meeting which I had now removed to, only as a 
 member of society, which was done in a very affec- 
 tionate manner ; though in the certificate from Bristol 
 to Frenchay, my appearances in the ministry had been 
 mentioned. Soon after settling in Clonmel, I was, 
 however, introduced into the Meeting of Ministers and 
 Elders, and also made an overseer, in which station I 
 sometimes made remarks in private sittings and meet- 
 ings for discipline; hoping thereby to obtain relief; 
 but alas ! every effort in this line failed to procure me 
 ease of spirit, and instead of becoming more weaned 
 from visible things, these attractions revived feelings 
 which I had before known to be in subjection, and 
 every act of disobedience strengthened the enemy of 
 my souPs happiness in his efforts to keep me in bond- 
 age. When sitting in religious Meetings, I was often 
 sensible of the revival of exercise ; and undoubtedly 
 felt a sufficient degree of strength to have gone forth, 
 had I been willing to use it; but the old plea, more 
 clearness, more power, prevented my accepting the 
 often-offered deliverance ; and at last the intimation 
 became so low, the command so doubtful, that it seem- 
 ed as though I might either move, or be still, as I 
 liked, and I even have rejoiced after Meeting, in an 
 
1773—1786.] MARY DUDLEY. 29 
 
 ungodly sort, that I had been kept from the tempta- 
 tion of speaking in the Lord's uame. 
 
 " The concern of sensible minds on my account now 
 became frequent, and several were led into near and 
 tender sympathy with me, and travailed for my deli- 
 verance; but I now had no hope of ever again expe- 
 riencing this ; and often was I brought apparently to 
 the borders of the grave, by trying attacks of illness ; 
 so that I may describe my situation as being often mi- 
 serable, though the sackcloth was worn more within 
 than without; and I appeared to men not to fast, 
 when my soul lacked even a crumb of sustaining bread. 
 Thus I went on, as nearly as my recollection serves, 
 for about seven years, after my first yielding to the 
 reasonings before described ; and indeed just before 
 being brought out of this i horrible pit,' I think the 
 extremity never was so great, insomuch that I fainted 
 in my spirit, and all hope was cut off, my language 
 being, <I shall die in the pit.' In this state I attend- 
 ed a Province or Quarterly Meeting, in Cork, and 
 after sitting two meetings for worship on first day, in 
 I fear, wilful rebellion to the gentle intimations of 
 duty, I went to Samuel Neale's, in a trying situation 
 of mind and body, and his conduct towards me was 
 like a tender father, saying, i The gift in thee must 
 be stirred up.' I got little rest that night, and next 
 morning went in extreme distress to Meeting, where 
 I had not sat long before a serenity long withheld co- 
 vered my mind, and I thought I intelligibly heard a 
 language uttered, which exactly suited my own state ; 
 but it so hung about me, (as at my first appearance, 
 though not any thing like the same clear command to 
 express it,) that being lifted above all reasonings, be- 
 fore I was aware I stood on my feet with it, and oh ! 
 
30 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. II. 
 
 the rest I again felt, the precious holy quiet! unequal 
 in degree to what was first my portion; but as though. 
 I was altogether a changed creature, so that to me 
 there was no condemnation. Here was indeed a re- 
 compense even for years of suffering, but with this 
 alloy, that I had long deprived myself of the precious 
 privilege, by yielding to those reasonings which held 
 me in a state of painful captivity. One might natu- 
 rally suppose, that after obtaining so great mercy, and 
 feeling the precious effects of deliverance, great care 
 would be taken, lest the fetters should again be felt; 
 but though in some sort this was the case, my dedica- 
 tion seemed only partial, and frequent relapses into 
 want of faith again involved in distress and uncertain- 
 ty, so that the relief at seasons obtained, was broken 
 in upon. And sometimes as delivering only a part of 
 the commission obstructed the return of peace, it might 
 have been easy for me to conclude all wrong; so at 
 other times great serenity was my covering, and the 
 honest discharge of duty was rewarded with the in- 
 comes of life. 
 
 " Having a disposition naturally prone to affection- 
 ate attachment, I now began, in the addition of chil- 
 dren, to feel my heart in danger of so centering in 
 these gifts, as to fall short of occupying in the manner 
 designed, with the gift received ; and though at sea- 
 sons I was brought in the secret of my heart to make 
 an entire surrender to the work I saw that I was call- 
 ed to, yet when any little opening presented, how did 
 I shrink from the demanded sacrifice, and crave to be 
 excused in this thing; so that an enlargement was not 
 witnessed for some years, though I several times took 
 journeys, and experienced holy help to be extended."' 
 
1786-— 1787-] MARY DUDLEY. 31 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 Visit to Friends at Limerick; and journey into Leinster 
 Province. 1786 to end of 1787. 
 
 THE first religious engagement, of which she has 
 left any account, was a visit to the families of Friends 
 in Limerick, accompanied by her dear friend Marga- 
 ret Grubb, of which service she writes as follows : 
 
 " We arrived, through the protecting care of 
 
 a kind Providence, in safety, on seventh day, the se- 
 cond of the ninth month, 1786, and met with a kind 
 reception at T. M. 7 s. My spirits were sensibly sunk 
 at not meeting my dear friend E. H., whom I had 
 expected to join in the visit, but in a degree of hope 
 that the great Master would aid with a little help and 
 and supply every want, we concluded to begin after 
 Meeting. In this season truth seemed at a low ebb, 
 and the language of my poor spirit was, What came 
 I here for? Yet with a remaining view or prospect of 
 what had been before me ; though almost afraid, from 
 the painful feeling of things, how we might get 
 through : but although we commenced the service, 
 poor and stripped, we were favoured with a little sup- 
 ply of strength. 
 
 " Third day, the 5th, sat a laborious, heavy Meet- 
 ing, truth exceedingly low, and the life sensibly op- 
 pressed : many men absent, and very few of those 
 who were gathered; seemed digging for the rising of 
 the spring. 
 
32 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. III. 
 
 "Sixth day, the eighth — went again to Meeting, 
 where after a hard, laborious travail of spirit, the 
 command seemed clear to sound the call formerly 
 uttered : ' Wash ye, make ye clean,' &c. — help was 
 graciously administered, yet life felt low, and I 
 thought there was very little room in the minds of the 
 people. We had two family sittings afterwards, and 
 thus ended the arduous labour, whereunto I humbly 
 trust the great and good master led, and though it has 
 been a very exercising time, the Lord has been near, 
 enabling his poor little ones to discharge what appear- 
 ed his requiring, in which a degree of peace is merci- 
 fully afforded, and it is to His name I would ascribe 
 all the praise." 
 
 In the spring of the next year, she felt her mind 
 attracted to Friends of Leinster Province. The fol- 
 lowing is extracted from her own account of this jour- 
 ney, and its attendant exercises. 
 
 " 14th of third month 1787? left my own habitation, 
 in company with my dear friend S. Shackleton, and 
 proceeded by easy stages to Mount-Mellick, where we 
 were favoured to arrive in safety the following day. 
 
 " 16th, Sat a low exercising Meeting, which was 
 silent, except a few sentences delivered by dear M. 
 Eidgway, recommending a self examination to know- 
 why the spring did not rise in our solemn assemblies. 
 The women's Meeting was also a low season, but 
 attended with more liberty to labour a little in heart, 
 aud some openness in expressing something of the 
 sense impressed on the mind ; there seems few in this 
 place under qualification to help in the discipline, and 
 I thought, (though it seemed conducted very regularly 
 as to the letter,) there wanted more of the spirit or life 
 
1786—1787.] MARY DUDLEY. 33 
 
 attending. I felt myself after Meeting, low and poorly 
 in mind and body ; no light as to moving from hence, 
 I therefore concluded to stay over first day. 
 
 u 17th. Went to breakfast at J. G.'s, and had, after- 
 wards, a little sitting, in much sweetness, with them 
 and a few friends not of the family ; great nearness of 
 sympathy with A. G., and much liberty in communi- 
 cating what impressed the mind. Dear R. Shackleton, 
 (who kindly met me here,) was well engaged in 
 recommending fervour of spirit, that there might be 
 dedication to serve the Lord. 
 
 " First day. Sat a most laborious, hard Meeting, 
 no words uttered, nor any springing up of that well 
 whose waters refresh the thirsty soul. The second 
 Meeting was low and silent, my mind under very 
 close exercise, from the view, which now seemed con- 
 firmed, of sitting in the families here ; the struggle on 
 this subject was great, yet I got courage to throw it 
 before my kind sympathising friend R. S., who unit- 
 ing with the concern, we began on the nineteenth. 
 
 " Fifth day, 22nd. Sat with the children in the Pro- 
 vincial School, which was a season of great favour and 
 liberty; much opened in pure love to this hopeful plan- 
 tation, which seems evidently to me to be under the 
 cultivating hand of Divine power. We dismissed the 
 children, and had afterwards a sitting with the masters 
 and mistresses, which was also owned by continued 
 solemnity, and great liberty in mentioning what was 
 felt, and we parted in the renevvings of best love. 
 
 " First day, 25th. Sat a very exercising Meeting 
 held in silence. Life exceedingly low. In the after- 
 noon another trying Meeting, dear M. R. was beauti- 
 fully engaged in speaking to various states, and had 
 
84 THE HIFE OF [CHAP. III. 
 
 to address some in the very language which had been 
 used in several families ; this tended greatly to com- 
 fort and strengthen my poor mind ; which amidst this 
 arduous work, has been deeply plunged and dis- 
 couraged. 
 
 "Fourth day, 28th. Sat another low, exercising, 
 and silent Meeting, though I believe it had been 
 better for me to have spoken ; went that afternoon to 
 Mountrath, and attended Meeting there next day, 
 which was a time of uncommon travail to my spirit : 
 all seemed death and darkness, but through long wait- 
 ing in silent baptism, I at length ventured on my feet 
 with the language, i Arise and be baptized, and wash 
 away thy sins,' &c. great liberty followed ; but very 
 little entrance seemed in the minds of the people. 
 
 " I felt at the conclusion of this Meeting quite easy 
 to proceed, so we set forward for Roscrea, and got 
 safely and timely there, meeting a cordial reception 
 from cousin Eleazer Dudley and his hospitable wife. 
 Before leaving Mount-Mellick, I had expected that I 
 might feel something about the families here, and soon 
 after arriving was confirmed in the view of it, and got 
 very low, desiring in the night season I might be 
 rightly directed : but as it had arisen in the light, and 
 there seemed enough to move in, we have concluded 
 to begin this engagement to day. 
 
 "First day, 1st of 4th month. Sat two deeply exer- 
 cising Meetings ; the sense weightily impressed my 
 mind, that there would be no revival in this place, till 
 individuals come under the washing, sanctifying power 
 of truth ; to which, I think, in the renewed love of the 
 Gospel, they were intreated to attend. 
 
 " After tea we had a solemn sitting in the family, 
 
1786—1787.] MARY DUDLEY. 35 
 
 long in silence, which was a profitable season ; liberty 
 was felt to invite the youth to abide much in stillness, 
 to learn there, and also attend to the language, i The 
 Master is come and calleth for thee f and indeed He 
 does seem calling for that family to support His 
 slighted testimonies. I have much hope of the dear 
 children, if the chilling air that surrounds them does 
 not blast their tender shootings. 
 
 " I was thankful for feeling clear of Roscrea, a place 
 of extreme suffering to my mind ; yet, though things 
 were so low, and very close doctrine was given to de- 
 clare, I have seldom been more sensible of help, than 
 in my little exercise in these family visits. The sym- 
 pathy and accordant feeling of my valuable companion 
 R. S. tended to strengthen me in the hope, that the 
 Light which deceiveth not, had manifested the right 
 line to move in. 
 
 "We got to Mount Mellick third day evening, and 
 next day sat an exercising silent Meeting there, after- 
 wards a select one for this Monthly Meeting, which 
 was silent also, except a few remarks by R. S. much 
 to the purpose. 
 
 " Sixth day, 4th month 6th. The Quarterly Meet- 
 ing of Ministers and Elders, was to me a low season, 
 though dear E. Hatton and M. R. seemed favoured in 
 delivering close testimonies. In an evening sitting, E* 
 H. spoke in an encouraging line to the young people ; 
 and feeling a little matter moving on my mind, respect- 
 ing going down to the Potter's house, &c. I ventured 
 to follow him ; holy help was near to open and enlarge 
 beyond my first view — recommending to go down deep 
 into Jordan for living stones, fit for memorials of the 
 Lord's goodness and leadings. 
 
3(5 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. III. 
 
 " These seasons arc precious, they strengthen chris- 
 tian fellowship. I thought this little renewal of mu- 
 tual exercise, cemented aud bound closer in the one 
 bundle — there seems, notwithstanding the low state of 
 things, a stirring of good, may it be attended to, and 
 carefully cherished, by all who feel it. 
 
 ie Seventh day began the Quarterly Meeting, which 
 was long, and life low. In the Morning meeting on 
 first day my mind was much exercised, but desiring 
 greater clearness, I refrained from moving. J. Wil- 
 liams was well engaged, and I rejoiced, as far as I 
 was able, that the Great Master was preparing and 
 causing new trumpets to sound in His name, this dear 
 friend seems coming forth in gospel authority ; E. H. 
 followed, and M. It. afterwards addressed different 
 states : first the tried, apparently unfruitful branches 
 under the purging hand, and then, the careless, world- 
 ly-minded professors; she closed in solemn suppli- 
 cation. 
 
 " I left the meeting in heaviness, fearing all was 
 wrong with me, and sorely tried for disobedience. 
 After this I parted with my beloved husband, who 
 came to attend the Quarterly Meeting, and comforted 
 me by bringing good accounts of our dear little flock. 
 I was almost ready to conclude I should accompany 
 him, but dared not do so. 
 
 " Though very low and poorly, I went again to 
 Meeting at four o'clock, where He, whose mercy faileth 
 not, was pleased a little to cheer my drooping spirit : 
 the command once more went forth, * Blow the trum- 
 pet in Zion,' &c. it seemed to me, as though this com- 
 mand had been obeyed,, and the trumpet had given a 
 certain sound ; but few were prepared for the battle, 
 
1786—1787-] MART DUDLEY. 37 
 
 the spiritual weapons having fallen as on the moun- 
 tains of Gilboa, the shield of the mighty being vilely 
 cast away ; yet a little sympathy was felt with the 
 wrestling seed, to whom this language was addressed, 
 < Fear not, I am with thee, be not dismayed, I am thy 
 Grod. ? — Peace succeeded, and the Meeting closed com- 
 fort ably. 
 
 " Second day the 9th, a solemn cementing season at 
 J. Gr.'s, after which we parted with some dear friends, 
 under a renewed hope that each, in their different por- 
 tions of labour, would be shielded by diviue power : 
 we had afterwards two family sittings, and dining at 
 
 7 s, a solemnity ensued, * The Master hath need of 
 
 him,' struck my mind, with the remembrance that e the 
 colt was tied,' caution was freely administered, that 
 neither the world, nor any hindering thing, might tie 
 and confine from service, or coming forward, into use- 
 fulness. I felt great love to this young couple, and 
 wish they may not be hurt by any thing in this life. 
 My mind was rather peculiarly attracted towards a 
 young woman who had come to the Quarterly Meet- 
 ing, and getting her alone, a season followed worthy 
 of being held in thankful remembrance, as one where- 
 in the flowing of the Fathers love was evident — I felt 
 deep travail that she might obey the call to come tho- 
 roughly out of every wrong thing, by submitting to the 
 power of truth: her mind was much tendered, the 
 words seeming to have entrance, as into softened 
 ground : may no presumptuous hand close the eye and 
 ear which I do believe have been opened in this dear 
 child, though in her appearance gay and trifling : I 
 fear for her, lest some fowls of the air hovering about 
 her may pick up some of the precious seed. 
 
38 THE LIFE Of [CHAP. III. 
 
 " Thus ended our exercising labour in this place, 
 which is indeed a favoured one, though too many 
 seem like the ground which has been often watered, 
 and bringeth forth briars and thorns ; few comparative- 
 ly, concerned for themselves, but depending on the la- 
 bour of the poor oppressed servants ; and I often 
 thought while here, the day was advancing, when the 
 people must be scattered every one to his own: a 
 wrestling seed, however, seems preserved, a little 
 Goshen as in Egypt. 
 
 " Third day, 10th, Parted with our kind friends, I. 
 and M. H. and set forward for Tullainore, where we 
 arrived to diuner. Two Friends' families only resid- 
 ing in the town, it felt easier to me to sit with them, 
 separately, than to appoint a Meeting; after which 
 service I felt quite released, and we left them ; getting 
 to Birr that night. Attended Meeting there next day, 
 in silence, and under a feeling of distress : several gen- 
 teel people were present, to whom I was sensible of 
 gospel love ; but the members of our own little com- 
 munity seemed the objects of my travail, so far as I 
 was able to travail. I thought if I could get them 
 alone I should be more at liberty, we therefore con- 
 cluded to sit with them in their families ; which we did, 
 and so ended the visit in this place, where darkness 
 seemed indeed prevalent, and scarcely name or memo- 
 rial for the Lord of Hosts to be found among them ; 
 I was glad to leave it, and after dinner we set off for 
 Roscrea. 
 
 " Seventh day, the 14th, Felt a stop in my mind to 
 proceeding this day to Knockballymaher, where I 
 purposed being on first day : some uneasiness respect- 
 ing home had been hovering about rac for several days, 
 
1786— 1787-] MARY DUDLEY. ^ 39 
 
 I tried, however, to have my mind as much disengaged 
 from all anxiety as I could, and desired to be singly 
 turned to whatever point light most shone on. We - 
 went in the afternoon to Dungar, and took tea with 
 dear M. P. and her aunt A. P. On returning to our 
 lodgings found W. X. just come from Clonrael, he 
 informed me that the young woman who had the chief 
 care of my children had taken the measles, and was 
 removed out of the house — I sensibly felt this intelli- 
 gence, and the struggle was not small to endeavour 
 after, and attain, a degree of quietude, sufficient to dis- 
 cover the right path. 
 
 " I went distressed to bed, I think honestly resign- 
 ed, either to go forward or return home, as truth open- 
 ed — I got but little sleep in the night, and Knockbally- 
 maher seemed uppermost in the morning, so I rose 
 early, and roused my companions — we set out, and 
 after a rough ride for nearly two hours, got to Meeting 
 soon after Friends were assembled. 
 
 u Through the continuance of that mercy which 
 never faileth, all thoughts of home seemed dispersed, 
 and I was helped to get a little to my own exercise — 
 my lot through most of this journey — that of being dipt, 
 into sympathy with the imprisoned seed. There seem- 
 ed to me much business going forward in this Meeting, 
 but it was not the Lord's business — one seemed at his 
 farm, another with his oxen, and almost all pleading 
 excuse for obeying the gracious invitation to the mar- 
 riage — the ground of the hearts of many seemed never 
 to have had the clods broken up by the holy plough, 
 so the seed could not take root or spring up. With 
 these feelings 1 was helped upon my feet, and enabled 
 to deal honestly as truth enlarged, in matter and man- 
 
40 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. III. 
 
 ner — a few excited my sympathy, who, knowing where 
 to look for food, were concerned to wait for it — the 
 faith of these was, I hope, a little strengthened to con- 
 tinue asking for daily bread. 
 
 " This is a poor spot — the members of the Meeting' 
 far scattered one from another as to places of residence, 
 and I think such situations unfavourable to the right 
 growth ; though if all were careful to dwell near the 
 life in themselves, no doubt the animating virtue would 
 diffuse in their assemblies — instead of which, in many 
 places it seems so oppressed that there is scarcely 
 liberty to labour for its arising ; it feels as though the 
 hardness in many minds would stone those who are 
 sent unto them. 
 
 "Several Mends kindly asked me home with them 
 after Meeting, but 1 felt an inclination to go to a family 
 who did not urge it, that of a widow friend, so went 
 on with them to dinner — after tea we got into stillness, 
 which proved a season of profit to my mind — much 
 instruction was afforded therein, and I thought not 
 only for my own advantage, but that something flowed 
 to the younger part of the company, of which number 
 there were I think nine or ten ; some of these felt to 
 me evidently under the cultivating hand, and such as 
 would become fruitful boughs, and their branches run 
 over the wall, if they, like Joseph, abode by the well, 
 whose waters nourish and make green. Some caution 
 was administered not to get out of the valley, where the 
 dew lies long, but to abide in humility and holy fear, 
 that so sound and acceptable fruit might be brought 
 forth. This family manifests that much religious care 
 has been exercised in their education, they are plain, 
 exemplary, and solid — a fine sight in this degenerate 
 day. 
 
1786—1787.] MARY DUDLEY. 41 
 
 "After this visit I saw no way further, and, though 
 the feeling of love was strong to other quarters, I was 
 most satisfied to return home, believing the suspension 
 for a while, might work increasing liberty at some other 
 period if the weight continued — so on second day the 
 16th I set off for Clonmel, and was favoured to find 
 my dear husband and children in health ; for which 
 blessing, with that of merciful preservation through 
 this journey, I desire humble gratitude may fill my 
 heart to Him, who is indeed the Alpha and Omega of 
 all that is good." 
 
4B THE LIFE 01 [CHAP. IV 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 Journey to some parts of Holland, Germany and France- 
 in company with Sarah Robert Grubb — 17SS. 
 
 THE next religious engagement upon which my 
 dear mother entered, was one of an extensive and 
 deeply important nature— the prospect of this, and her 
 preparation for entering upon the service, will be best 
 described in her own words — Alluding to the year 
 1787? she says— 
 
 « About the fall of that year I was seized 
 
 with an alarming illness, out of which few expected I 
 should recover, nor did I myself when judging from 
 bodily feelings. As to my mind, it was kept in such a 
 state of deep poverty that I could form no settled judg- 
 ment respecting any thing, save that at some seasons, 
 the evidence of having passed from death unto life, by 
 the feeling of near unity with the brethren, consoled 
 me. 
 
 " During this probation, though apparently I was 
 near the closing scene, there were moments when the 
 love of the gospel so prevailed, that a willingness, and 
 even desire to live was felt, so that I might by any 
 means be thought worthy to suffer or do any thing for 
 the promotion of truth, and the good of others. These 
 impressions were accompanied with a belief, that if I 
 were raised up again, it would be for this purpose ; 
 and my heart was called, (at a period when those about 
 me expected my dissolution,) to such a deep attention 
 
1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 43 
 
 to the discoveries of light, that, as in a vision, though 
 perfectly awake and sensible, I was carried to some 
 distant parts, even to a people of a strange language ; 
 where gospel liberty was felt in a remarkable manner : 
 then the vision was again sealed, being for an appoint- 
 ed time, nor did I ever fully understand it, (though 
 from that period a solemn covering spread over my 
 mind,) till my ever dear and valuable sister S. R. 
 Grubb laid before our Monthly Meeting her concern 
 to visit some parts of France, and Germany. The 
 nearness of spirit I had with her, in her watchful at- 
 tendance on me during the first of my illness, was sur- 
 prising; and often, when no words passed, we mingled 
 our sighs and tears, though she never gave me any 
 hint of the exercise she was under, nor had I then any 
 perception of being under preparation for any service 
 in conjunction with her. 
 
 u After she had obtained her certificates, we united 
 in a littik visit to a branch of our Monthly Meeting ; 
 aud on returning I wished to hasten ber departure, 
 but found she felt no liberty to proceed, and said all 
 concern was taken from her ; but so closely queried of 
 me respecting my feelings, that without saying much 
 I wept, and thereby discovered what I was struggling 
 against, or at least wished to conceal, believing it was 
 impossible I ever could be resigned to such a move- 
 ment. 
 
 u From this time, the weight grew almost insupport- 
 able, so that sleep, appetite, and strength, nearly de- 
 parted from me, and my dear husband queried, (after 
 watching unperceived by me,) what can this be? He 
 once mentioned France, but I requested him no more 
 to do it, being affected to trembling, and I believe I 
 could as readily have given up my natural life as 
 
44 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 
 
 made this surrender. Oh ! great indeed was the. strag- 
 gle, until at length the precious grain of all-conquering 
 faith proved victorious, and believing Him faithful 
 Who had promised, I ventured to move in this awful 
 matter, and, when the needful steps had been taken, 
 left all and endeavoured resignedly to follow my 
 Great Master." 
 
 She had seven children at this time, the youngest 
 only ten weeks old, and her health was very delicate, 
 so that the sacrifice was indeed great, but the merciful 
 extension of proportionate assistance is thus acknow- 
 ledged by herself — 
 
 "In the course of the embassy, many and sore 
 
 were my provings, and of a closely trying nature my 
 conflicts, but the arm of all-sustaining help was near, 
 and I feel thankful that this cup hath been drunk ; for 
 though mingled with deep and exercising sufferings, 
 it has, I trust, tended to the further reduction of the 
 creaturely will and choosing, and brought measurably 
 into willingness to submit to the humiliating leadings 
 of the holy hand." 
 
 The following is extracted from her own account of 
 this journey. 
 
 Zmo. 9,7th, 1788. 
 
 " I parted with my beloved husband, and many 
 dear friends, in Waterford, and in company with R. 
 and S. Grubb, went on board a vessel bound for 
 Minehead, setting sail with a tolerably fair wind, but 
 after being out all day, and getting several leagues 
 out to sea, the wind changed, and the captain fouud 
 it best to put back into harbour. — Being very sick we 
 concluded to go on shore about noon, landed at Pass- 
 age, and spent a comfortable night at Brooklodge, 
 embarked again about ten next morning, were favour- 
 
1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 45 
 
 ed with a safe, though rather rough passage, to our 
 destined port, and met a kind reception at our friend 
 Hannah Davis's, where after the inconvenience of 
 sea-sickness, we were cousoled hy friendly attention. 
 
 (i We left Minehead on third day, and arrived in 
 London on fifth ; I was affectionately received by my 
 dear friends 1. and M. Eliot, and retired to rest un- 
 der, I hope, a thankful sense of many unmerited mer- 
 cies, with the additional one of hearing from my family 
 that all were well. 
 
 " Sixth day, attended Meeting at Gracechurch- 
 street — a low time to my poor mind, which seems op- 
 pressed, and as it were in prison. Some prospect of 
 moving forward opened this evening, in a conference 
 with Gr. Dillwyn, who seems bound to the awful ser- 
 vice on the continent. It is pleasant to have the pros- 
 pect of so strong a link to this chain. I am very low 
 and poor, emphatically 'going forth weeping' — may 
 the righiKee^ be kept in dominion ! Amidst such qua- 
 lified servants in this mission how little do I feel my- 
 self! Yet hope I have not entered presumptuously on 
 the list — the cause, I know is in the best hands, and 
 if my venturing brings no dishonour to it, I hope to 
 be thankful — further seems not now in my view. 
 
 " The kindness of dear I. and M. E. is mixed with 
 a feeling of friendly sympathy better felt than de- 
 scribed, and I have not been without some apprehen- 
 sion that I. E. feels deeper on the occasion than mere 
 unity with the concern of others ; but he is reserved 
 and cautious ; if it so prove, it will, to be sure, be 
 pleasant. 
 
 " First day the 9th was a day of peace and liberty 
 to me, though one wherein there was rather a de- 
 scending to the deeps then ascending to the heights. 
 
46 THE LIFE OF j_CHAF. Iy * 
 
 The Morning Meeting at Gracechurch-street was 
 large, gay, and oppressive, but it is a favour to be al- 
 lowed to visit the seed in prison, and a great one to 
 feel a willingness so to do. My beloved S. G. was 
 afresh anointed in both Meetings and I thought my 
 small vessel contained a little more than what was 
 properly my own; and, we read, the debt was first to 
 be paid, before the residue of the oil was set apart to 
 live on. The day closed comfortably in a little sea- 
 son of retirement at Richard Chester's. 
 
 " Second day the 10th, attended the Morning Meet- 
 ing and produced our certificates. Friends seemed 
 disposed to enter thoroughly into the matter, near 
 sympathy and unity were expressed, and a Commit- 
 tee was appointed to draw up certificates for us, and 
 one for G. D. who laid his concern before them. We 
 had a conference this day with Adey Bellamy respect- 
 ing our proposed journey. 
 
 "Third day, 11th, Sat a quiet solid Meeting, at the 
 Peel, held in silence, wherein a little renewal of faith 
 was afforded, and cause for confidence in holy help. 
 Last night confirmed me in a feeling sense of my 
 short-sightedness. The southern parts of France be- 
 ing all along the first object in my view, the way to 
 get there the soonest, appeared desirable, and the 
 passage from Dover to Calais that which effected this 
 desire most speedily; but our beloved companion G. 
 D. feeling the passage to Holland most clear to his 
 mind, I felt mine greatly tried, wishing if I had but 
 ever so small a bit of ground to move on, it might be 
 my own — I went to bed thus exercised, and endea- 
 voured to think only of Dover, but after a season of 
 very close conflict, and I think honest travail for right 
 direction, a serene sky seemed over this prospect of 
 
1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 47 
 
 Or. D.'s, and every other passage to France utterly 
 closed, so I simply communicated my feelings this 
 evening to my companions, and thus far peace at- 
 tends. 
 
 * " Our dear friend J. Eliot is, I believe, bound to 
 the south, but has yet made no movement in his 
 Monthly Meeting. Adey Bellamy has laid his pros- 
 pect before Friends, and it is likely will be liberated 
 by the time J. E. is, if he discloses his feelings at his 
 next Monthly Meeting. Our having come hither seems 
 providential, as J. E. and A. B. understand the lan- 
 guage well; and the hope of this seasonable assist- 
 ance has tended to renew my faith, and patience, 
 which I sometimes trust will hold out to the end. 
 
 "Fourth day, 12th. We attended Gracechurch- 
 street Monthly Meeting, that for worship was low to 
 my feelings, the one for discipline long and flat, much 
 business agitated, and many pertinent remarks made, 
 but life seemed oppressed, and human, more than di- 
 vine wisdom uppermost. 
 
 " Fifth day, 13th. After being at Meeting at Rat- 
 cliff, I accompanied G. J), and wife to Jacob Bell's, 
 to dinner ; a solemnity covered my mind afterwards, 
 under which it felt pleasant to have a puuse, for seek- 
 ing the renewed influence of the pure principle of life 
 and love, and the season was graciously owned. 
 Spent the evening at another friend's, I thought pro- 
 fitably, in free conversation. 
 
 " First day, 16th. Went to Horselydown Meeting 
 in the morning—a low time: Gracechurch-street in 
 the afternoon, and at six in the evening a public 
 Meeting appointed by G. D. in which he was largely 
 engaged — I again felt, in a painful manner, the con- 
 sequence of withholding more than is meet, yet trust 
 
#8 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 
 
 wilful disobedience was not the cause, but a fear of 
 not feeling sufficient authority: — < seekest thou great 
 things ?' seems the query often put to my poor mind 
 on such occasions, and though the injunction is added 
 ' seek them not/ how slowly do I learn ! 
 
 " Second day, 17th. Morning Meeting, a time of 
 favour through several instruments, our certificates 
 were signed, I believe by all present, and the Meeting 
 seemed to conclude under the uniting evidence of C hris- 
 tian fellowship; many dear friends expressing near 
 sympathy with us, poor pilgrims, in our going forth, 
 and Or. D. closing with solemn supplication for the 
 continuance of gracious protection. 
 
 " Third day, 18th. We turned our backs on the 
 great city, and got to Colchester to dinner ; met a kind 
 reception at our friend John KendaPs, and had there 
 in the evening, the company of Thomas Corbyn and 
 Thomas Hull, who returned with J. K. from the ser- 
 vice of visiting the Meetings in that county; — it was 
 pleasant to us to see T. Corbyn before our embarka- 
 tion, and he was kindly affectionate and sympathizing 
 to us; dear Rebecca Jones also spent the night here in 
 her return from Ipswich. 
 
 6i Fourth day, was their Meeting in course, which 
 we attended, not knowing but we might afterwards 
 proceed to Harwich, but our G. D. found a cloud re- 
 maining on his tabernacle, at which I wondered not, 
 as I had before told him I did believe he would not 
 get away without a Meeting for the people : one was 
 held that evening, and I think owned by gracious re- 
 gard. 
 
 " As no packets leave Harwich regularly, but on 
 fourth and seventh days, our proceeding thither seem- 
 ed not desirable till near the time ; we therefore rested 
 
1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 49 
 
 at our comfortable lodgings fifth day, and on sixth 
 went to Mauningtree, where a Meeting had been ap- 
 pointed for ten o'clock; the house is small, and few 
 Frieuds reside here, but it was pretty well filled with 
 a solid, quiet company, and was to me the best Meet- 
 ing since my leaving home, a time of enlargement in 
 true love and productive of peace. After dining at a 
 friend's in the town we went on to Harwich, and had a 
 Meeting there at six in the evening; the house, (a new 
 small one,) was soon filled with fashionably dressed 
 people, and a considerable number were in the yard ; 
 they seemed rather unsettled in time of silence, but 
 quiet when any thing was oifered: my beloved S. (x. 
 and G. D. were afresh anointed with gospel oil, and I 
 was comforted in beholding good work well done. 
 
 (e My poor mind is under discouragement from va- 
 rious causes, remarkable anxiety has attended me for 
 several days about home, and faith is indeed low, 
 though I thankfully remember having been enabled to 
 surrender all I have to the disposal of unerring wis- 
 dom. 
 
 Ci Seventh day, 22nd. The wind contrary, and no 
 prospect of sailing, I feel very low, and almost in dan- 
 ger of casting away hope. 
 
 u First day. So ill that I could not get up till about 
 noon, our company went to Meeting, where I think, 
 only about seven attended. In the evening a solemnity 
 covered us, under which dear G. D. revived the query 
 put to the disciples, i when I sent you without purse 
 and scrip lacked ye any thing? and they said, nothing: 5 
 again, they that have left all ' shall receive an hundred 
 fold now in this time and in the world to come eternal 
 life.' This seemed so peculiarly applicable to my tried 
 state, that while my soul was, as though it refused com- 
 7 
 
50 THE LIFE or [CHAP. I»V. 
 
 fort, I could not but taste a little renewal of hope. We 
 just broke up when a summons to go on board was 
 sent us. 
 
 "There being but little wind, and that not quite 
 fair, we had a tedious passage, but were favoured to 
 experience holy protection, and landed about eight 
 o'clock on fourth day evening, at Helvoetsluys, where 
 we got to a clean inn, kept by two English women. 
 While in the boat going on shore, a sweet calm cover- 
 ed my mind, accompanied by the fresh application of 
 that gracious promise, i I will be to thee mouth and 
 wisdom;' this, after the tossings I had been tried with, 
 for many days, tended to renew my confidence in divine 
 sufficiency and goodness. 
 
 " Fifth day, 37th. Left Helvoet this morning in a 
 carriage wagon, and travelled on a very deep road — 
 often in danger of overturning, to the Briel, here we 
 crossed a ferry about a mile over, went again by land 
 to another ferry, and thence to Maasslandsluys. In 
 this place we seemed as gazing stocks to the people, 
 many following us, though all behaved civilly, and 
 had they understood our speed] would probably have 
 helped us. I felt, what I think was the love of the 
 gospel, my heart being so filled that I could have spo- 
 ken to the people as I walked along the street, and 
 while in the house where we stopt to get a little re- 
 freshment; but I felt what I was, and who I was with, 
 and had not courage to query whether we might not as 
 well remain a while; therefore with the heaviest heart 
 I ever remember feeling at leaving any place, we went 
 on board a treckschuyt for Delft, whence we proceed- 
 ed to Rotterdam and there got to the house of an Eng- 
 lish woman that night. 
 
 (i I feel sensibly confirmed in the belief, that passing 
 
1788.J MARY DUDLEY. 01 
 
 through Holland was the right way, ftfr in coming 
 through the towns to this place, there has been so much 
 love prevalent, that it has felt to me as though we were 
 not among strangers, though with a people of a strange 
 speech ; and that there were many who could be spoken 
 to from something answering in their minds to what is 
 felt by us, even without outward interpretation. A 
 minister of the Calvinist church drank tea with us, this 
 evening, and undertook to give notice of a Meeting 
 which is appointed for to-morrow. 
 
 " Seventh day, 29th. The Meeting was held at ten 
 o'clock, Gr. D. and S. G. were strengthened to recom- 
 mend inward waiting for the revelation of divine power, 
 but there seemed little openness among the few assem- 
 bled ; several ministers of the Calvinistic church attend- 
 ed, and we took tea with one of them— many others 
 were present, and a good deal of religious conversation 
 took place, wherein an explanation was entered into 
 of our principles and testimonies; G. D. opening these 
 clearly, and apparently to their satisfaction. I thought 
 this was a season spent profitably, though as to my 
 own feelings I am like one in prison, may I be helped 
 to resign myself into His hands who has, I trust, sent 
 me out on this journey ; for while my conflicts seem 
 rather to increase than lessen, and the exercise of ray 
 spirit almost weighs down the poor body, 1 do at times 
 feel renewed confidence that I shall be preserved, and 
 that those I have left will be taken care of. 
 
 (i First day, 30th. A public Meeting at four in the 
 afternoon ; it was very large, more coming than the 
 house could hold ; some liberty was felt by all of us in 
 Expressing what arose, but it was an exercising low 
 time, a physician and his wife came to tea with us, and 
 expressed satisfaction in our company, which we also 
 
52 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV, 
 
 felt in theirs, and parted from them in that love which 
 throws down all distinctions of names in religion. 
 
 u Second day, 31st. After a solemn season with the 
 only person we knew of here, who makes any profes- 
 sion with us, we - set off in a treckschuyt, for Amster- 
 dam, where we arrived the next evening, and met a 
 kind reception from John Vanderwerf. 
 
 " Fourth day, attended the Monthly Meeting of the 
 few Friends here, an! light seeming to shine upon 
 visiting these, in their own houses, we entered upon 
 the service, which was so owned by the prevalence of 
 gospel liberty and love that hard things were made 
 comparatively easy. S. Gr. and I had never before 
 spoken through an interpreter, which office J. V. jun. 
 filled agreeably, and our minds were bowed in thank- 
 fulness to the Lord who manifests himself a present 
 helper. 
 
 " The situation of these few sheep, as it were in a 
 wilderness country, calls for near sympathy, and it is 
 a favour when not only this feeling is extended, but a 
 willingness accompanies to let it run as it flows. It is 
 about four years since they were visited by G. D. S. 
 Emlen, and J. Kendal; that life which is the crown 
 of all profession is certainly low ; the seed seems in a 
 wintry state, scarcely shooting above ground, yet we 
 have thought it is under the care of Him who can nou- 
 rish and bring it forth, if it be only allowed to lie un- 
 der Hie cultivating hand, and not exposed too much to 
 the chilling breath that surrounds ; there are also some 
 hidden, seeking minds in these parts — perhaps mixed 
 with the various names to religion, and others who we 
 find do not join with any denomination, but keep quiet- 
 ly among themselves, exemplary in their conduct, do- 
 ing good, and communicating of their outward bless- 
 
1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 53 
 
 ings; plain in their appearance and manner; one of 
 these, after sitting in an opportunity where evident so- 
 lemnity covered us, observed that though we could not 
 understand each other, there was 'a feeling and unity 
 within.' 
 
 " First day, f>th of 4mo. We had two public Meet- 
 ings, one at half- past nine, the other at four— G. D. 
 and S. O. were favoured to minister with gospel love 
 and authority, I had fresh cause for confusion, and the 
 acknowledgment that to me belongeth shame; pain still 
 attends the remembrance of my want of dedication in 
 these Meetiugs. 
 
 " Second day morning. We had a little sitting 
 among ourselves, desiring to feel our way from, or de- 
 tention in this city, rightly ordered; we were afresh 
 helped to believe, that, as the eye was kept single, 
 He who had led forth would continue to preserve us 
 — We went to tea with a family named Decknatel — 
 a widow, her son, and two daughters ; these were edu- 
 cated in the Anabaptist profession, her husband hav- 
 ing been a preacher among this sect, but since his 
 death they have not joined in communion with any 
 particular people, but keep themselves select, except 
 going sometimes to the Moravian worship. A sweet 
 influence prevailed in the house, and a good deal of 
 religious conversation occurred, J. Vanderwerf being 
 with us to interpret. They believe in the sufficiency 
 of the spirit of truth to lead into all truth, though they 
 seem not fully to have entered into that rest where 
 there is a ceasing from our own works, as they sing 
 hymns sometimes, and have an instrument of music in 
 their house. They were very desirous of understand- 
 ing us, and our errand— it seemed strange to them for 
 
54 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 
 
 me to leave a husband and seven children, but feeling 
 liberty to enter a little into the cause, and some parti- 
 culars of my convincement, &c. as the remembrance 
 arose with renewed thankfulness, they appeared not 
 only fully satisfied, but to comprehend the language. 
 This conversation introduced to a solemn silence, in 
 which they readily joined, and we had each to unite 
 in the testimony that the salutation of i peace unto it 7 
 belonged to this house : this memorable season closed 
 in awful supplication, and we parted under a feeling 
 of that pure love which throws down the narrow bar- 
 riers of nominal distinction, and baptizes into the 
 unity of the one Spirit. 
 
 " 9th. At four o'clock this afternoon we had ano- 
 ther public Meeting, which was well attended as to 
 numbers, but the people were unsettled in time of si- 
 lence; the doctrine of truth ran clearly, and a hope 
 was raised that some felt a testimony to it in their own 
 minds. 
 
 "10th. Left Amsterdam with J. V. jun. and Fre- 
 derick Mentz, in a carriage boat, the usual way of tra- 
 velling in this country; it is drawn along a canal by a 
 horse, and consists of a small cabin, calculated to hold 
 seven or eight, and a larger room which will contain 
 about thirty people, with seats to accommodate all the 
 passengers, and light sufficient to work by. We ar- 
 rived at Utrecht between three and four o'clock, felt 
 exercised respecting a meeting here, but, not living 
 enough by faith, and looking too much outward, dis- 
 couragement prevailed. 
 
 " 11th. Set off from Utrecht in a post wagon, and 
 travelled over deep roads, through a woody country 
 thickly inhabited, though the land is poor, and we 
 
1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 55 
 
 found but indifferent lodging and entertainment until 
 we reached Dusseldorf, on the evening of the 13th, 
 where we got to a good inn. 
 
 "14th. Concluded to stay this day, to feel whether 
 bound or dismissed from hence; in the forenoon called 
 on Michael David Wetterboar, whom our friends 
 Decknatel recommended us to see, we also drank tea 
 with him, and found him an inward retired man, liv- 
 ing pretty much alone, and not knowing that he has 
 any companions in this large place, where supersti- 
 tion seems to reign. We had a season of solid retire- 
 ment after tea, and some profitable conversation 
 through R. G. in French. 
 
 " 15th. Went off the direct course abotat eighteen 
 miles to Eiberfeld, expecting to find some seeking 
 people; we were directed to a person named Smith, 
 with whom we spent a little time; he speaks English 
 and was civil, but seemed fearful of engaging to be 
 our interpreter: he informed us there were some mys- 
 tics in the town, who met together on first days, bufc 
 we found no way to get into their company. In the 
 morning we walked out, G. D. and I one way, and 
 R. and S. Gr. another, but though we called in at 
 some houses, no way opened for a Meeting, we there- 
 fore returned to Dusseldorf to tea. M. D. W. spent 
 the evening with us, and we had a season of spiritual 
 refreshment in the feeling of Christian liberty and 
 love, under which we parted. 
 
 " 17th. Left Dusseldorf about half-past six, and got 
 to Cologne to dinner — a dark place of popish super- 
 stition, crosses and images appearing almost every 
 where in and about it : we all felt oppressed and glad 
 to leave this place ; reached^ Bonn, a smaller town, 
 where similar idolatry prevailed: G. D. and R. G. 
 
56 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 
 
 walking out, saw the Host, as it is called, carrying 
 about, and the people kneeling to it. 
 
 " 18th. Rode through a beautiful valley of vine- 
 yards, and other plantations, bounded on one side 
 with richly cultivated mountains, and on the other by 
 the Rhine, on each side of which, towns and villages 
 thickly appeared, also some monasteries and ruins al- 
 together forming as diversified and lovely a scene as I 
 ever rode through; but in this day's journey I found 
 nature unusually oppressed, so that it was hard to 
 bear the motion, and my illness increased so much, 
 that when I saw a town on the other side the Rhine, 
 not knowing it was our destination, I thought it look- 
 ed a desirable resting place, and wished to get to it; 
 when the driver turned the carriage that way, and it 
 proved to be Nieuvied, a place to which we had re- 
 commendations.* Here we got to a comfortable inn, 
 like a private lodging, kept by Moravians, who re- 
 ceived us cordially, and we took up our quarters with 
 them. 
 
 " 19th. I was very ill, so as to lie in bed all day, 
 low in mind as well as in body ; dear S. Gr. indisposed 
 also, and we felt glad in this state to be in a quiet 
 asylum. 
 
 * Copy of one of the Introductory Letters given by the family of 
 DecknateL 
 My dear brother ; 
 
 " I give this address by these Friends, whom they call 
 Quakers, from England ; perhaps they will call in their journey 
 at Nieuvied — though you cannot speak with them but by an in- 
 terpreter, yet you may have an agreeable feeling and influence in 
 silence, through the favours of the Lord, which you desire — I sa- 
 lute you with renewed affection. 
 
 J. D." 
 
1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 57 
 
 e( 20th. First day, my complaints continuing I was 
 not able to go out, my dear companions sat at my bed- 
 side, where, in a season of quiet refreshment, we re- 
 membered with comfort that it was when the disciples 
 walked together and were sad, that their great Master 
 joined Himself to them. 
 
 "Slst. A day of distress every way, mostly in bed 
 during the forenoon : after dinner went to see the Mo- 
 ravian establishment, the Schools for Girls and Boys, 
 &c. but so low that nothing seemed capable of cheer- 
 ing me ; my faith and patience are so tried that I am 
 often ready to fear the honour of the great name, and 
 that excellent cause which through every discourage- 
 ment is dear to my heart, may suffer by my engaging 
 in this embassy — I feel myself so insufficient for the 
 work, and even at seasons when holy help is near, 
 qualified to do so little, that I am ready to query, for 
 what am I sent? Yet I remember there are various 
 vessels in a house, and it may sometimes seem proper 
 to the Master to call for one of the smallest, to use as 
 He pleases— to convey what He appoints ; and if care 
 be only taken to have this vessel kept clean, though it 
 may not be often called for, or able to contain much, 
 it may answer some little purpose, by having a place 
 in the house ; and help to fill up some corner, which a 
 larger one could not so easily get into. I know that 
 I sought not this, that I ventured not without feeling 
 the weight of B Woe is unto me if I preach not the gos- 
 pel where the holy finger is pleased to point : and the 
 remembrance of these baptisms, with the renewal of 
 frequent close conflicts, raise a hope through all, that 
 though the sea may be permitted to swell, and the 
 waves rise exceedingly high, the poor vessel will be 
 8 
 
58 THE LIFE OF [ CHA P« IV. 
 
 preserved from becoming a wreck amidst the storms, 
 and the little cargo be safely landed at last. 
 
 (i S3d. We called this morning on an old man, be- 
 longing to a sect who call themselves inspired — a little 
 conversation through an interpreter proved rather satis- 
 factory. At seven in the evening we went to sit with 
 these people in their Meeting, expecting from the ac- 
 count received of them, that they sat mostly in silence, 
 but we found it far otherwise. They remained awhile 
 still, with apparent solemnity, then all kneeled down, 
 and used words as prayer, afterwards singing, then 
 one of them read part of a chapter and expounded — 
 we sat still until they had concluded, when a few 
 words were, as well as the language admitted, con- 
 veyed to them. On the whole we were not sorry we 
 obtained this acquaintance with their manner of wor- 
 ship, as others denominated them Quakers, and we 
 were now able to unfold to them the difference between 
 us. We have abundance to discourage us within and 
 without, many fears, and no outward help but the com- 
 fort we find in being closely banded together ; and be- 
 side the sufferings we are dipped into, no apparent pros- 
 pect of these tending to gather many, if any, from the 
 barren mountains ; for let us feel as we may, we have, 
 since leaving Utrecht, been unable to convey our mean- 
 ing to the people in general, and appointed no Meet- 
 ing — what our passing through, and being as gazing 
 stocks may do, must be left ; it will, I trust, increase 
 our humiliation, if no other good be done. 
 
 " 24th. In a little retirement this morning light seem- 
 ed to shine on a public Meeting here, the Menonists, 
 agreeing to give the use of their house at four o'clock 
 in the afternoon ; a few of these, with some Moravians, 
 
1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 59 
 
 and Inspirants, attended. Joseph Mortimer, a single 
 brother from Yorkshire, kindly acted as interpreter for 
 us. Feeling a little desire in my heart to call on a 
 man whose countenance had struck me in the Meet- 
 ing, we went : on entering the house a salutation of 
 love arose, and a memorable season ensued, which to 
 me seemed like a brook by the way, consolatory after 
 a season of great trial and drought — and we left Nieu-? 
 vied with renewed feelings of that love which had 
 nearly united us to many there. 
 
 a We got to Wisbaden the evening of the &6th, and 
 met with an Englishman who accompanied us to seve- 
 ral bathing houses, this place being famous for an ex- 
 traordinary boiling spring, of a sulphureous nature, 
 which is communicated by pipes to the different houses. 
 From thence we proceeded to Frankfort, a fine popu- 
 lous town, remarkable for the liberties it possesses, be- 
 ing governed by its own magistrates, who are Luther- 
 ans ; it is supposed to contain twenty thousand inha- 
 bitants, and among these three thousand Jews— No 
 man pays more than five pounds a-year taxes, which 
 commences on his declaring himself worth fifteen hun- 
 dred pounds — this city being so privileged is a thriving 
 one, and not obliged to take part in war, unless the 
 empire be invaded. 
 
 " Here we met one called a Pietist, with whom we 
 had some religious conversation to our mutual comfort. 
 
 " From Frankfort we pursued our journey through 
 Fridburg, and some parts of Suabia, and being favour- 
 ed with delightful weather, and having little delay, we 
 arrived at Basle the third of the fifth month. 
 
 " 4th. Had a little season of quiet retirement alone, 
 and in the evening we went to see a person named 
 Brenan, with whom Claude Gay lodged for three 
 
60 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 
 
 weeks— he and another old man live retired— they are 
 of the sect of Iuspirants, several met us to tea, and reli- 
 gious conference ensuing, liberty was felt in recom- 
 mending silent waiting for ability to worship. This 
 sitting renewed that fellowship which is indeed the 
 bond of the saints' peace, and the harmony in service 
 increased that cement which is as precious ointment 
 sending forth a sweet savour. We went to supper with 
 Jean Christe — a Moravian to whom we were recom- 
 mended from Nieuvied ; several of that sect were with 
 us, and we had a satisfactory time of innocent cheerful- 
 ness and freedom. 
 
 "5th. Sat as usual together in our chamber; my 
 mind was under some exercise about a public Meet- 
 ing, but I felt fearful of mentioning it; our friend 
 Christe came to tea with us ; the symptoms of being 
 measurably redeemed are obvious in this man ; we all 
 felt much love in our hearts towards him, and his 
 seemed open to us : J. Sulger, a Moravian, who 
 understands English, kindly interprets for us ; in him 
 also the seed of life appears to shoot forth in grain 
 which we hope is ripening. Oh ! if these visited ones 
 were but inward enough, how would their growth be 
 forwarded ! 
 
 " 6th. Went to tea with a large company of Mora- 
 vians; some of their inquiries respecting women's 
 preaching and the nature of our visit, were answered 
 to apparent satisfaction, but our minds being drawn 
 into silence we found it a close conflict to yield — the 
 company were ready to hear, or talk, but the opposi- 
 tion in them to silence, and our nature pleading to be 
 excused, brought on deep exercise. Our friend Sulger 
 asked if he should desire them to be still, this was a 
 relief to S. Gr. and myself, and she was, after some 
 
1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 61 
 
 time of stillness, engaged to explain the nature of true 
 worship, and the necessity of waiting for preparation 
 to perform it. They again began talking, to show their 
 approbation of what had been said, but silence being 
 again requested, G. D. followed with good authority, 
 and I thought some of them then felt what true silence 
 was, particularly our interpreter, to whom, as well as 
 through him, I believe, the testimony flowed. I sat 
 some time in close travail, desiring that the people 
 might feel as well as hear, but found it a great trial to 
 speak what seemed given me for them ; at length love 
 prevailed, and this memorable season, which closed in 
 solemn prayer, was, to me, one of the most relieving 
 since I came on the continent. 
 
 u We went to sup with the two dear old men, J„ 
 Christe accompanying us ; it was a pleasant visit — 
 peace evidently surrounding the dwelling: on parting 
 I just remembered how Jacob was favoured near the 
 close of his life, and what worship he performed lean- 
 ing on his staff; after reviving which, we left them in 
 love. 
 
 " 7th. Our men friends called on a few persons at a 
 little distance from town, and in the evening we all 
 went to J. C 7 s, where, after some time, silence was 
 procured, several young people being present, to whom 
 our minds were drawn in the feeling of gospel solici- 
 tude, which we were enabled to evince; and although 
 this season was a strange thing to, I believe, all, ex- 
 cept ourselves, what was said seemed well taken, and 
 we felt peace in having yielded to this manifestation 
 of duty. 
 
 " 8th. On a little comparing our feelings this morn- 
 ing, we thought it best to appoint a meeting : many 
 difficulties occurred^ but at length our friends J. and 
 
62 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 
 
 H. Brenan agreed to give us a room in their house. It 
 proved "a deeply exercising season, though strength 
 was mercifully afforded to express the feelings that 
 were raised ; but the opposition to this way of wor- 
 ship was, I believe, clearly felt to obstruct the stream 
 from running as it otherwise might. Those called In- 
 spirants have a great dislike to women's preaching, 
 and our transgression in this respect, probably did not 
 suit them: we however felt easy, and this little 
 act of dedication tended to an increase of peace, and 
 cleared the way for moving on. 
 
 6( 9th. Parted with our dear friends at Basle under 
 a sense of uniting love, and travelled through a beau- 
 tiful country, richly diversified by nature and improved 
 by art, to Geneva, where I was confined one day by 
 illness at a poor inn : here we got an account of our 
 friends J. Eliot and A. Bellamy having arrived at 
 Lyons. Though I was still greatly indisposed, we set 
 forward on the 16th, and travelled through almost in- 
 cessant rain to Chalons, a little French village, where 
 we were indifferently entertained and lodged at a very 
 dirty inn. Next day we had a romantic ride between 
 very high rocks and mountains — strong torrents of 
 water pouring with wonderful rapidity, some not less 
 than three hundred feet, with perpendicular and slop- 
 ing falls — these emptying themselves into a lake below, 
 and thence into the Rhone. This scene of grandeur 
 was rendered awful by remarkably loud claps of thun- 
 der, and vivid flashes of lightning, which continued 
 some hours, accompanied by heavy hail storms and 
 rain. Through divine preservation we got to a toler- 
 able inn to sleep, and were favoured to reach Lyons 
 the evening of the 18th ; where the interview with our 
 dear friends proved mutually comforting ; and I had 
 
1788. J MARY DUDLEY. 63 
 
 fresh cause for thankfulness in finding several letters 
 from my beloved husband, conveying the intelligence 
 of all being well. This after suffering much from 
 anxiety about home, was humbling to my heart. — - 
 May I learn increasingly to commit all into the divine 
 hand ! 
 
 "We proceeded from Lyons in a carriage boat 
 down the Rhone, passing many towns and villages, on 
 the banks of this rapid river ; landed at Pont Esprit, 
 and reached Nismes in the afternoon of the £2nd; from 
 whence we proceeded next day to Congenies,* about 
 three leagues distant. 
 
 u On the coach stopping at a little inn where we 
 designed to alight, a large number of people surround- 
 ed us, some looking almost overcome with joy, others 
 surprised, some smiling, but all behaving civilly. Our 
 men friends alighting in order to make arrangements 
 for our reception, left us women in the coach ; but such 
 was the covering with which my mind was then favour- 
 ed, that being a spectacle to thousands would have 
 seemed trifling to me — tears flowed, from a renewed 
 sense of unmerited regard, and the extension of the 
 love of the universal parent to His children spread a 
 serenity not easily set forth. 
 
 " We were desired to accompany some who joined 
 us to a neighbouring house, and the room we entered 
 was soon filled with persons, who, by every testimony 
 we could comprehend, rejoiced in seeing us ; though 
 
 * Congenies is a small village in the department of the Garde, 
 where, and in the several adjacent places, a number of persons 
 reside, who profess nearly the same principles as those held by 
 Friends in this country, although they are not yet recognised as 
 members of our religious Society. 
 
64 THE LIFE OF , [CHAP. IV. 
 
 many expressed their feelings only by tears. They re- 
 luctantly consented for the first night to our occupying 
 three tolerably commodious bed-chambers at the house 
 of a Protestant, (but not one professing as they do,) 
 and we designed to engage these rooms, with another 
 for a kitchen, and hire a servant to attend on us : but 
 "before we were dressed next morning, several of these 
 affectionate poor women carried off our trunks, &c. and 
 on consulting together we concluded it was best to 
 yield to the wishes of those we came to visit, resign- 
 ing the personal convenience we might enjoy, in being 
 permitted to provide for ourselves. We therefore ac- 
 cepted apartments in two of their houses, and while 
 these and their manner of cooking are very different 
 to what we have ever been accustomed to, the belief 
 that we are here in right direction, smooths what 
 would otherwise be hard to bear. Their love for our 
 company is such that they seldom leave us alone, and 
 seem to think they cannot do enough to make us com- 
 fortable. 
 
 « A few both of the men and women are sensible in- 
 telligent persons, with whom, could we converse, some 
 of us would be well pleased. 
 
 « We are well aware, that speaking only through 
 an interpreter obstructs the stream of freedom, and yet 
 I have thought that even this might have its use, by 
 tending to prevent too much conversation, and there- 
 by drawing their and our minds from that state of 
 watchfulness, wherein receiving suitable supplies, we 
 may be qualified properly to administer in due season 
 to their wants. 
 
 " First day, S5th. Their Meeting this morning was 
 attended by between eighty and ninety persons : soon 
 after sitting down several of them appeared strangely 
 
1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 65 
 
 agitated, and no less than five spoke one after another, 
 partly in testimony and partly in supplication, all sit- 
 ting except one man, who stood up and expressed a 
 little in humility and tenderness. 
 
 " We found that our safety was in getting to our 
 own exercise, desiring, as ability was afforded, that 
 the right seed might rise into dominion, and the ima- 
 ginations of the creature be brought into subjection : 
 and though it was evident, that but few of them were 
 acquainted with that silence, wherein the willings and 
 workings of nature are reduced, and the still small 
 voice which succeeds the wind and the fire, intelligibly 
 heard, yet we were comforted in observing much of this 
 emotion subside, and the Meeting was favoured to- 
 wards the conclusion, with a solemnity it wanted be- 
 fore; the people settling more into stillness, while tes- 
 timony and prayer weut forth through Gr. D. 
 
 " Thinking that sympathy with them in their differ- 
 ent growths, and situations, was likely to be more fully 
 known by a discriminating visit, we proposed after 
 having our certificates read this evening, to sit with 
 them in their families, which proposal they gladly ac- 
 cepted. 
 
 " 6th mo. 4th. Since the S6th ult. we have sat with 
 twelve families in this village — one at Fontanes, six 
 miles distant, two at Quisac, nine miles further, and 
 one at Calvisson, one and a half-mile from hence — at 
 this last mentioned place resides Louis Majolier, who 
 has been our attentive companion in the family sit- 
 tings, and at our lodging, since we first came— he is a 
 sensible, intelligent young man, evidently under the 
 tendering visitation of truth, and humbly desirous of 
 right instruction. As is often the case amongst the more 
 privileged members of our religious Society, we have 
 9 
 
66 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 
 
 in many of these visits to struggle hard for the arising 
 of life ; some of those we sit with, seeming unacquaint- 
 ed with the necessity of witnessing the dominion of that 
 divine power, which is the crown of glory and diadem 
 of beauty to the true Israel : but there are others, who, 
 having measurably learned where to wait, we believe 
 are a little strengthened by our sympathy with them, 
 and receive with joy the communicated word. In some 
 seasons this has had free course, many, like thirsty 
 ground, drinking in the rain ; so that the watered, and 
 those who have been renewedly helped to water, have 
 rejoiced together. 
 
 " Their appearance, manner of behaviour, &c. are 
 certainly such as bear little resemblance to our Society ; 
 but the honest simplicity there is among them, the ap- 
 parent consciousness of their deficiencies, and tender- 
 ness of spirit, confirm our hope of a clearer prospect 
 opening in due season. We have not felt it our busi- 
 ness to call their attention to the different branches of 
 our christian testimony; the little labour bestowed ten- 
 ding to centre them to that i light' which ' maketh ma- 
 nifest,' and, by an obedience whereto, the gradual ad- 
 vances of the < perfect day' is known; and we are 
 greatly deceived if this day has not dawned upon many 
 in this dark corner, though its brightness is yet inter- 
 cepted by shades and clouds. Their Meeting, last 
 first day was different from the former, only one dis- 
 turbing the quiet of it, and none of those agitations 
 which were apparent in the preceding assembly. In 
 the afternoon they held their Monthly Meeting, the 
 business whereof is only the care of their poor, and 
 oversight of each other's moral conduct ; but our men 
 friends, who understand the language, observed that 
 their method far exceeded their expectations. This 
 
1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 67 
 
 season was also graciously regarded, and renewed 
 help afforded for the service required. The company 
 of J. E. and A. B. is truly pleasant, and their facility 
 in speaking French helpful ; they lodge at a friend's 
 named Marignan, and we at a widow Benezet's. 
 
 " 5th. I rose very poorly this morning, but set off 
 with my companions for Codognan, a place where 
 about fifteen of the same profession with those here re- 
 side ; and feeling easy to take them collectively, we 
 had but one sitting with them, which was a season of 
 openness in labour, though one of deep exercise, they 
 being mostly outward in their views, and very rest- 
 less : towards the close, however, some careless minds 
 were, I hope, a little reached. We returned to Con- 
 genies in the evening. 
 
 " 6th. In a conference together this forenoon, we con- 
 cluded to have the most weighty part of the people 
 here together, and have a sitting with them ; and after 
 selecting some names for this purpose, at four in the 
 afternoon sat with a family who came from the coun- 
 try. This was to me a season of instruction, under a 
 feeling of the universal regard of Him who knows the 
 various situations of His children, not respecting the 
 persons of any. What was said to these poor people 
 seemed to have entrance, and tended to our peace. At 
 six o'clock we met as appointed with those selected, 
 much freedom of speech was used, in pointing out to 
 them some inconsistencies, and recommending to in- 
 creasing watchfulness ; that being swift to hear, and 
 slow to speak, they might be enabled to distinguish 
 the Shepherd's voice and follow it, refusing to obey 
 that of the stranger— I hope this was a profitable sea- 
 son to them and us. 
 
 " 7th. We went about a league to sit with a few pro- 
 
6b THE LIFE GF [CHAF. IV. 
 
 fessors — rather a low time, though liberty was felt to 
 express what arose; and we parted under humbling 
 feelings, returning to Congenies to tea. 
 
 " 8th. First day, about ten o'clock we met as usual : 
 the assembly was soon covered with great stillness, 
 and evident solemnity, which I sincerely desired might 
 not be lessened by me, though I believed it right to 
 revive the language of David, 'One thing have 1 de- 
 sired of the Lord, that will I seek after ; that I may 
 dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, 
 to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His 
 temple.' I felt reuewed help in communicating what 
 arose, and the sense of good seemed to increase, while 
 the stream of gospel ministry flowed through other in- 
 struments : and our spirits were bowed in awful rever- 
 ence before Him, who had not sent us a warfare at our 
 own cost, but graciously supplied every lack. They 
 were afterwards recommended by S. G. and myself, to 
 be not only hearers, but doers of the law, and, like 
 Mary, to ponder the sayings they had heard in their 
 hearts, keeping up the watch. 
 
 " I had previously mentioned to our company a view 
 of having the younger and unmarried people assem- 
 bled ; and at the close of this Meeting it was proposed 
 to have them convened at four o'clock in the afternoon. 
 At two, we sat with nine persons who came from a 
 distance, to satisfaction ; and at the time appointed met 
 our young friends, who made a considerable appear- 
 ance as to numbers. The fore part of this sitting was 
 heavy, but life gradually arose, and sweet liberty en- 
 sued : our belief being confirmed that there is, among 
 this class, though in an unfavourable soil, a seed sown, 
 which through individual faithfulness would spread 
 and become fruitful to the praise of the great husband- 
 
1788.] MART DUDLEY. 69 
 
 man. These were honestly cautioned against what 
 might retard their growth, and earnest prayer was of- 
 fered on their behalf. Some of us feeling desirous of 
 having a Meeting with the inhabitants of this place, 
 the subject was solidly considered among ourselves, 
 and notwithstanding apparent difficulties, we agreed to 
 attempt it. 
 
 " By the laws of the land no public meeting is al- 
 lowed to any but the Catholics, Protestants meeting 
 even here in the fields or private houses, and the dear 
 people we are visiting sit in their assemblies with the 
 outside door locked ; and believing they had not yet 
 attained sufficient strength to be exposed to much suf- 
 fering, we have feared putting them out of their usual 
 way; the proposal, however, of giving liberty to any 
 of the neighbours who might iucline io accept the invi- 
 tation, was readily acceded to by them. At ten o'clock 
 on the morniug of the tenth, a considerable number of 
 Protestants, and some Roman Catholics assembled; 
 they behaved with great quietness, and the Meeting 
 was mercifully owned by a feeling of liberty to labour, 
 and a sense of that love which is universal, and would 
 gather all under its blessed influence. 
 
 " 11th. We rose early, and after breakfast most of 
 those we had visited in the village collecting in our 
 apartment, a solemnity covered us, under which the 
 same love which had attracted us to them flowed in a 
 strong current, and the language of the apostle was re- 
 vived. 'Finally brethren farewell! be of one mind, 
 live in peace, and the God of love and peace shall be 
 with you.' We parted, with many tears on both sides, 
 from these endeared people, for whom we had, in our 
 different measures, travailed that Christ might be form- 
 ed in them, and they be not only the visited, but re- 
 
70 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 
 
 deemed of the Lord. L. Majolier and F. Benezet ac- 
 companied us to a town called St. Grilles, where we 
 lodged at a comfortable house belonging to one of our 
 Friends, and on the 12th had a Meeting with such as 
 resided in the place ; next day I became alarmingly ill, 
 and was not able to join my companions in sitting with 
 some who came from the country. 
 
 u 14th. My illness so increased that towards noon I 
 doubted my continuing long if not relieved. My dear 
 S. (x. was poorly also : what trials of faith and pa- 
 tience are permitted for the proving of some; no doubt 
 in unerring wisdom ! 
 
 " 15th. Though still much indisposed I was not easy 
 to stay from Meeting, therefore arose, and was made 
 renewedly sensible, that when the creature is so re- 
 duced as to know indeed that it can do nothing, He 
 who is strength in weakness shows Himself strong. I 
 was helped to discharge myself honestly, to my own 
 peace, and the Meeting concluded in awful prayer and 
 praise. 
 
 " 16th. We left St. Grilles, and spent that night at 
 Nismes ; here we experienced fresh conflict with re- 
 spect to the way of proceeding; next day, however, 
 our difficulties seemed to lessen, and the prospect of 
 going to Alencon opened with clearness. We had a 
 solemn parting with dear L. M. who felt very near to 
 us, and to whom the language 'Be thou stedfast, im- 
 moveable/ &c. was addressed in the fresh flowing of 
 gospel love. 
 
 " We travelled from Nismes in a tedious manner, 
 drawn by mules at the rate of about thirty miles a day, 
 rising early, and late taking rest. The country abounds 
 with vineyards, oliveyards, fig and mulberry trees; 
 pomegranates growing in the hedges like our white 
 
1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 71 
 
 thorn, and the air in some places rendered fragrant by 
 aromatic herbs, springing up spontaneously in rocky 
 ground. There is but little pasture land in these parts; 
 a rudeness in appearance, with the want of neat fences, 
 &c. render the country less beautiful than ours : the 
 houses are dirty, and the people slovenly; they seem 
 chiefly employed in making wine and raising silk- 
 worms, which give them profitable produce. There 
 was neither a cow nor milch goat in the village of Con- 
 genies. 
 
 a \y e g t to Lyons fatigued and poorly on the 21st : 
 here I was again very ill, and mostly in bed, till second 
 day afternoon, when we set out in three voitures, and 
 proceeded agreeably through a beautiful fertile country, 
 richly improved, fine pasture and corn fields, and wal- 
 nut-trees frequently bounding each side of the road for 
 miles together. 
 
 " We arrived at Paris on the evening of the 29th, 
 and left it again the second of the seventh month, tra- 
 velling post to Alencon ; here our friend J. M. met us, 
 and we went in his coach to Desvignes, his place of 
 residence, about a league distant; we were kindly re- 
 ceived by his wife, and being weak and weary, found 
 this resting-place comfortable. 
 
 " 6th. A solemn sitting with J. M., his wife, and 
 little son, was graciously owned by divine regard, and 
 sympathy renewedly felt with the hidden seed in a 
 state of proving, as in the winter. In a little confer- 
 ence among ourselves afterwards, G. D. avowed his 
 prospect of going to Guernsey ; the idea of parting felt 
 trying, but the belief that it is individual faithfulness 
 which constitutes Christian harmony, tended to produce 
 resignation. 
 
 " 8th. With a savour of good, covering all our minds, 
 
72 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 
 
 we took leave of this family ; and at Alencon under 
 somewhat of solemn sadness, parted with our endear- 
 ed companions G. and S. D. J. M. going with them 
 to Guernsey, and the remainder of our little band pro- 
 ceeding towards Dieppe, where we arrived the after- 
 noon of the 10th. We were called up at four o'clock 
 next morning, got on board the Princess Royal Packet 
 about six, and through the extension of continued good- 
 ness, were favoured with a fine, though rather tedious 
 passage of twenty-three hours, landing at Brighthelm- 
 stone on seventh day morning. We went on that after- 
 noon to East Grinstead, and thence twenty miles, on 
 first day morning to Croydon • attended Meeting there, 
 and reached London to tea. In this great city our five- 
 fold cord untwisted, R. and S. G. going to R. Ches- 
 ter's, A. B. to his own house, and J. E. and I to Bar- 
 tholomew-close; where the company of dear M. E. 
 and her children was a real consolation to my poor 
 mind, feeling this hospitable mansion as a second 
 home. 
 
 " 14th. Attended the Quarterly Meeting for London 
 and Middlesex, which was large and favoured. We 
 feel, I trust, humbly thankful at being once more in- 
 dulged with seeing many near and dear friends, whose 
 affectionate reception of us seems a cordial to our 
 spirits after our various exercises. We attended many 
 different Meetings in the city, and on the 31st returned 
 to the Morning Meeting the certificates received there- 
 from, and gave a little account of our movements in 
 this arduous service, of which a record was made on 
 their books. 
 
 " After this I was confined for nearly a week, by 
 illness, having struggled for several days with symp- 
 toms of inflammation on the lungs, but yielding to the 
 
1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 73 
 
 advice of my friends to consult a doctor, his prescrip- 
 tions have so far succeeded that, through abundant 
 goodness, I am now, (on the 28th,) considerably better, 
 though sensible of having a weak chest, and being still 
 hoarse. 
 
 "29th. Left London and got to Brentford to tea, 
 where, at the peaceful dwelling of our valuable friend 
 T. Finch, we spent a pleasant, and, I trust, profitable 
 evening. We attended Meetings at Uxbridge and 
 Amersham, on fourth and fifth days, and on the even- 
 ing of the latter had one at High Wycomb, which was 
 large, and I think satisfactory. Some private oppor- 
 tunities in this place were graciously owned by heavenly 
 regard: how do the preservation and growth of the 
 dear young people among us, excite earnest solicitude 
 and breathing of spirit. 
 
 " 8th month 2d. We reached Burford this forenoon, 
 and went to the house of our friend Thomas Huntley, 
 with whose scholars, sixty in number, we had a season 
 of retirement, which was mercifully favoured by the 
 overshadowing of good. We proceeded to Cirencester, 
 and remained over their forenoon Meeting ou first day, 
 which was deeply exercising to our minds, the pure 
 life feeling in a state of imprisonment : but in a little 
 sitting after dinner, at a friend's house, where several 
 were present, we felt some hope that this short tarri- 
 ance might not prove altogether in vain. Having had 
 a prospect of that little stripped spot, Painswick, we 
 felt easy to leave Cirencester Afternoon Meeting, and 
 go thither to one appointed for seven o'clock in the 
 evening. A large number of Methodists and others, 
 attended, and I trust no harm was done to the precious 
 cause. We were affectionately entertained at the house 
 of our friend Davis. Next day we called on the few 
 10 
 
7^ THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 
 
 families of Friends residing there, and after several 
 seasons of liberty and favour,, went on second day after- 
 noon from thence to Gloucester. 
 
 6i 4th. This morning we breakfasted with the only 
 Friends residing here, and in a time of quiet after- 
 wards, were enabled to discharge our minds towards 
 the family. We proceeded to Monmouth, and thence 
 to Pontipool, where we had an appointed Meeting on 
 fifth day." 
 
 My dear mother's memoranda end here, but there 
 is reason to believe that she and her companions at- 
 tended Meetings at Swansea and Haverfordwest in 
 their way to Milford, whence they sailed to Water- 
 ford, and she was favoured to reach her own habitation 
 in safety about the middle of the 8th month, worn in- 
 deed in body, but with a relieved and thankful mind, 
 and in alluding to her late engagement, she writes as 
 follows : 
 
 — "Under various deep exercises during this 
 
 journey, the language ' Wherefore didst thou doubt!' 
 has been so legibly inscribed on my heart, that I often 
 think none has greater cause to depend on the arm of 
 everlasting help than I have ; and the confirming evi- 
 dence of a peace passing every enjoyment has been as 
 a stay in the midst of conflict, an anchor in times of 
 storm; nor do I ever remember feeling a more abiding 
 sense of this heavenly treasure than during my resi- 
 dence with that dear little flock at Congenies, towards 
 whom the current of gospel love still sweetly flows." 
 
1/88—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 75 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 Family visit hi Cork — Journey to Ulster Province — and 
 Public Meetings in some parts of Munster. — From 12 mo. 
 17S8 to 3 mo. 1792. 
 
 IN the 12th month, 1788, being at her own Quar- 
 terly Meeting, held in Cork, my dear mother felt a 
 pressure of mind to unite with Sarah Robert Grubb 
 and Elizabeth Tuke, in a visit to the families belong- 
 ing to that Monthly Meeting, but her affectionate at- 
 traction to home induced her to attempt returning with- 
 out an avowal of the concern she was under. — Her 
 conflicts on this account, and some particulars of the 
 arduous engagement, are stated in letters to her hus- 
 band, and the following extracts seem calculated to 
 prove both instructive and encouraging to some, who 
 may be able to trace their own feelings in the expe- 
 rience here described. 
 
 " Cork, 12th mo. 15th, 1788. It has turned out as I 
 believe thou expected it would, and I am once more in 
 this place ; after thou left me I determined to proceed 
 for meeting thee under our own roof this night, and 
 even set out for that purpose. On entering the car- 
 riage, I instantly felt darkness cover my mind, still I 
 went on, but I never remember being quite so much 
 distressed — rebellion — rebellion, sounded through my 
 heart, and I grew so ill, that I dared not proceed, so 
 turned about, and had a comparatively lightsome 
 journey hither, my body and mind feeling gradually 
 relieved. We reached E. Hatton's to dinner, but the 
 conflict I had sustained made me require a little rest ? 
 
76 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 
 
 so that I did not get outwardly banded in this service 
 till the evening, when a harmonious exercise and la- 
 bour were afforded, as a comforting evidence of recti- 
 tude so far — perhaps a few sittings may relieve my 
 poor mind, thou knowest how gladly I shall embrace 
 the dawning of release. 
 
 " Thou wilt readily believe our dwellings are not in 
 the heights, though I trust we are sometimes so helped 
 to ascend the Lord's holy mountain as experimentally 
 to know there is nothing there that can hurt or destroy; 
 it seems a time when rather the invitations than threat- 
 enings of the gospel are to be proclaimed, and I think 
 there does seem an open door for communication., 
 though it be sometimes sad, because of the things which 
 have happened. I am far from being satisfied with 
 myself, but I am truly so with my fellow-labourers, 
 and with my return to this city, even though bonds 
 and afflictions await us in it. Why should we not 
 suffer when the seed suffers? Where else would be 
 our unity with this seed, which lies in a state of cap- 
 tivity ? There are now about twenty-nine families got 
 through, and I trust it may be humbly and gratefully 
 acknowledged, that hitherto the Lord hath helped. 
 
 "I may honestly confess that I am still bound to 
 this arduous work, and through divine mercy we are 
 not only sustained, but have a little trust at seasons, 
 that ' the labour is not in vain.' Some sittings have 
 been graciously owned, but I know not any so much 
 so, with the sensible gathering of that manna which 
 falls from the heavenly treasury, as one this morning 
 in the dwelling of that prince in Israel, Samuel Neale, 
 whose outward man is visibly decaying, while the in- 
 ward man is renewed day by day. The spring seem- 
 ed to open on our sitting down, and the waters gradu- 
 
1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 77 
 
 ally rose as from the ancles, till the refreshing conso- 
 lation truly gladdened the Lord's heritage, that in us 
 which could own His planting, and by His renewed 
 watering, glorify Him. It was truly encouraging and 
 strengthening to hear this father in the church declare, 
 that he had not flinched from whatever had been re- 
 quired of him, but had done it with all his might, and 
 that, through divine mercy, he now found support in 
 the midst of infirmities, ' therefore,' he added, i be 
 faithful, follow the Lord fully, and give up to every 
 manifestation of His will.' 
 
 " We received a note declining an intended visit; I 
 confess such a repulse made me exceedingly low, having 
 had a particular feeling towards this family, but 1 be- 
 lieve it safest to look from it, perhaps even this offer 
 of ourselves may recur, and not be useless, though we 
 see it not, we could do no more than seek an interview, 
 and love still prevails towards them. 
 
 "Yesterday was the Three Weeks' Meeting here, 
 which we attended, visiting our brethren also, hope no 
 harm was done; I am afraid of no one but myself, and 
 I desire always to suspect that enemy self, lest, on any 
 occasion, it should take the lead, but under heavy 
 pressures here, I have a degree of hope, that not going 
 this warfare at my own cost, I may yet be helped to 
 the end of it, which now draws nigh, having gone 
 through about eighty-five families, and only a few re- 
 maining." 
 
 The next religious service of which there is any ac- 
 count, was a visit to some parts of Leinster Province, 
 early in the year 1790, wherein her former companion 
 Richard Shackleton, was her kind attendant and 
 helper, and her dear friend Elizabeth Pirn united in a 
 part of the work. During this engagement she visited 
 
78 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. V. 
 
 the families comprising the Monthly Meetings of Mo- 
 ate, Edenderry, and Carlow, which she describes as 
 a ' service closely trying/ yet, productive of solid 
 peace, and near the winding up of this labour writes as 
 follows. 
 
 " Many are my fears and doubtings before 
 
 willingness is wrought in me to leave such endeared 
 connexions, and many my tossings and conflicts, ia 
 seasons of separation ; but may I, with increasing de- 
 voteduess, trust in the arm of never-failing help. 
 Through unmerited mercy the Lord has not only given 
 a degree of resignation to leave all, when the call has 
 been clearly distinguished, but sustained under vari- 
 ous laborious exercises, so that the promise is indeed 
 fulfilled < as thy days so shall thy strength be ; ? and 
 there is cause to trust with the whole heart, for future 
 direction and support." 
 
 Towards the close of the year she had a long and 
 suffering illness, as well as considerable anxiety through 
 indisposition in her family, her eight children being in 
 the hooping cough at the same time ; and the death of 
 her beloved friend and companion, S. R. Grubb, in 
 the 12th month, was a heavy and unexpected affliction, 
 which for a season sunk her very low. But in the 
 spring of 1791, she believed it required of her again 
 to leave her own habitation, and pay a religious visit 
 to Friends of Ulster. 
 
 After attending the National Meeting in Dublin she 
 accordingly proceeded, with her companion Sarah 
 Shackleton, and having sat a Meeting with the few 
 Friends belonging to Timahoe, went on to Castle Free- 
 man, whence her first letter is dated. 
 
 "5th month, 13th. We reached this place very 
 agreeably, being favoured in weather and roads ; I felt 
 
1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 79 
 
 in passing through part of Old-Castle, (where Friends 
 Meeting House is, though I did not know it,) a spring 
 of love towards the 'sheep not of this fold, 7 but said 
 nothing about it till we got here, when I found that 
 some inclined to be visited by having a Meeting held 
 in one of their houses, but it seemed best to attend to 
 the previous intimation, and 1 ventured to have one 
 appointed for nine o'clock to-morrow morning, with 
 notice that it will be open to such as are disposed to 
 sit with us. Thou kuowest me well enough to be aware 
 that this prospect tries my little stock of faith, which is 
 indeed low, but it can be graciously renewed, and I 
 trust will, from season to season, as singleness of heart 
 and eye is kept to." 
 
 "Ballybay— Monaghan, 5th mo. 15th, 1791. Re- 
 specting the Meeting at Old-Castle, it may in comme- 
 moration of holy help be recorded that those who trust 
 are not confounded, but experience strength propor- 
 tioned to the day of trial ; I do not remember many 
 assemblies of this sort more owned with the covering 
 of good, and the solidity of the people during the whole 
 Meeting exceeded what is to be often met with; at the 
 close of the public sitting I felt a wish that Friends 
 might keep their seats, and that season was also one of 
 relief to my mind. We took a little refreshment in the 
 Meeting-house, and then pursued our journey, arriv- 
 ing at Cootehill, twenty-five miles, in the evening, tired 
 and poorly, but humbly thankful for the assistance 
 every way afforded. 
 
 " As there are no Friends in circumstances to ac- 
 commodate travellers, we lodged at an inn, and attend- 
 ed Meeting at the usual hour this morning, to which 
 many came who are not in profession with us, and I 
 trust nothing was said to discourage the honest en- 
 
80 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. T. 
 
 quirers after truth. There was a little stop afterwards 
 with the members of our own Society, perhaps not ex- 
 ceeding eleven or twelve, among them a widow and her 
 daughter, who have joined Friends by convincement, 
 and appear in a solid frame of mind ; we spent a little 
 time with these, and had a season of retirement with a 
 young physician who was at our Meeting, and to whom 
 my mind was particularly drawn ; he was invited to 
 drink tea at this widow's, and in the prevalence of gos- 
 pel love I freely communicated what I felt to arise to- 
 wards him, which I believe was well received, and we 
 parted under feelings which were precious, and caus- 
 ed humble thankfulness of soul. We came on to this 
 place to lodge, had a Meeting appointed for eleven 
 o'clock yesterday morning at Castle- Shane, with a 
 small company of Friends, amongst whom very little 
 life was to be felt, which they were, (I trust honestly,) 
 told, and went on afterwards, through wind and rain, 
 sixteen miles to our friend Thomas Greer's, where we 
 were kindly received, and concluded to stay a day, my 
 poor body requiring rest." 
 
 Her getting to such a resting place seemed critical, 
 for she was almost immediately taken alarmingly ill, 
 having been for several days affected with a heavy 
 cold, and symptoms of inflammation which required 
 medical care. The judicious prescription of a physi- 
 cian, and kind attention of the family at Hhonehill, 
 proved the means of seasonable relief, and on the 2 1st 
 of 5th mo. she writes as follows : 
 
 "I am, through continued loving kindness, 
 
 considerably better, which I ought thankfully to ac- 
 knowledge, as my situation for some days past, ren- 
 dered so speedy an amendment very doubtful. 
 
 "Lurgan, 5th month, S4th. Although my dear friends 
 
1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 81 
 
 aud the doctor would have had me stay some time longer 
 to nurse, yet, apprehending my mind might obtain a 
 little relief by endeavouring to fill up the line of duty, 
 which while unaccomplished is an oppression to the 
 body, I ventured yesterday afternoon to go as far as 
 Berna, whither our truly kind friend T. Gr. sent me 
 and my dear S. S. in his carriage; many friends met 
 us there, and we were favoured after tea, with the 
 spreading of the holy wing, in a manner that I believe 
 tended to the gathering and centering nearly all pre- 
 sent in a state of humble waiting, wherein an enlarge- 
 ment of mind was experienced, to dip into feeling with, 
 and administer to, several states in the company; it 
 was a season worth suffering for, and we returned to 
 our lodgings relieved in mind. 
 
 " This morning while preparing to move on, we felt 
 a little stop which it seemed best to attend to, and after 
 a salutation of gospel love to the dear family at Bhone- 
 hill, we separated in the feeling of sweet affectionate 
 nearness ; T. Greer coming several miles with us. 
 
 " Rathfriland, 26th. Attended the usual Meeting at 
 Lurgan yesterday, and this morning that at Moyallen, 
 both proving seasons of deeply exercising feeling, the 
 doctrine which opened being of a very close nature, 
 and trying to deliver, but assistance was graciously 
 afforded to my humble admiration. 
 
 " In getting so far through this Province, it seems 
 to me that no superficial work will avail, nor any thing 
 short of a willingness to get down into deep feeling 
 with the seed in its imprisoned and oppressed state, 
 and administering as enabled to its wants; in this ex- 
 ercise none can, I believe, have an adequate idea of 
 what conflicts await the poor mind but those who are 
 thus introduced into them, I know my capacity for 
 11 
 
83 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 
 
 right understanding is far inferior to many of my bre- 
 thren and sisters in the work, but it seems as much as 
 body and mind can at times bear, to feel in my small 
 measure for the hurt of the daughter of my people, too 
 many of whom feel not for themselves, and I fear come 
 under the description of the whole who need not a phy- 
 sician ; so that though there is abundant balm in Gilead, 
 they remain unhealed, though there is a sovereign phy- 
 sician there, they are unrestored. Among such as these, 
 if any thing be uttered, it must indeed be a plaintive 
 song, a language of mourning and bitter lamentation, 
 for many are falling before the enemy, and carried 
 away captive as into a strange land. 
 
 " The Meeting at Rathfriland on 6th day, was at- 
 tended by most of the members and professors, a small 
 company, and one, among whom I think there was less 
 of the moving of spiritual life than in any other spot 
 we have been at. The seed of the kingdom felt to me 
 in a state where it could not be ministered to but by 
 almighty power, the struggle for its arising was, how- 
 ever, mercifully continued, and through best help, 
 victory so far experienced that supplication could be 
 vocally poured forth to the fountain of light and life ; 
 blessed be the name of Him whose throne of grace is 
 ever accessible to faith. 
 
 " We returned to our lodgings, and after a season 
 of honest plain dealing with the heads of the family, 
 and feeling with and about the large flock committed 
 to their charge in the wilderness of this world, we 
 fell clear of this trying spot, and proceeded to Stra- 
 more. 
 
 " Lurgan, 31st. We attended Ballinderry Meeting 
 on first day, which, like all others we have here, was 
 an exercisiug season; we returned hither and in an 
 
1^88 1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 83 
 
 evening sitting in this family, were, through unfailing 
 mercy, owned by the overshadowing of the holy wing. 
 
 (i Yesterday afternoon we went to see Mary Ann 
 Clibborn, who appears near being removed from a 
 family of eleven children. After a time of religious 
 retirement with the afflicted friend, we sat awhile with 
 the children and their father in another room, which 
 proved a season of merciful condescension, in not only 
 opening the gospel spring, but causing it to shed soften- 
 ing influence, so as to excite a consoling hope that the 
 bread cast upon the waters may not be lost. These 
 visits produced real relief of mind, and indeed our 
 feelings while in the house, tended to renew an humble 
 confidence in the leadings of unerring wisdom, at the 
 same time bowing in that abasedness of self, wherein 
 the heart-felt language is 4 not unto us, but to Thy 
 name be the praise, when any little ability is renewed 
 to labour for the promotion of Thy blessed cause.' 
 
 "I had from the period of our first being in Lurgan 
 felt inclined to return, and though the visit already 
 mentioned was one attraction, there was a further ex- 
 ercise, even the prospect of another Meeting, which I 
 wished the inhabitants might attend; but faith was 
 very low, and it was accompanied with, I trust, some 
 little knowledge of myself, so that though I did inti- 
 mate it, I requested the notice might be confined ; the 
 Meeting was largely attended by Friends, and many 
 not in profession with us were there also, but an 
 inconsiderable number to what might have been, had 
 faith been strong enough ; however I may thankfully 
 acknowledge it was a season of renewed instruction, 
 and life did in degree triumph over the death that 
 seemed to threaten. 
 
 " Gracious regard hath again been manifested in a 
 
8-4 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V, 
 
 season of retirement with some young people, and 
 heart-felt satisfaction experienced. — Thus we get on 
 in a hobbling way, yet I trust are in our right places 
 so far, a hope which reconciles to difficulties, and helps 
 in measure to surmount them. 
 
 " Maze, near Lisburn, 6th month 4th. On fifth day 
 morning, we went from Lurgan to Ballinderry, sat a 
 Meeting there, which was rather large, though a 
 widely scattered settlement in a country place; life 
 was exceedingly low, but I thought rather increased 
 towards the last, liberty being felt to deliver close doc- 
 trine among them ; we took a cold repast in a little 
 cottage near the Meeting-house, and Louisa Conran 
 joining us, returned home with her and lodged. Went 
 next morning to the Monthly Meeting at Lisburn, that 
 for worship was passed in silent suffering, the women's 
 Meeting was rather a relieving one to my mind. At 
 six o'clock in the evening we attended the select Meet- 
 ing, wherein a little light graciously shone, and some- 
 thing of christian fellowship was wituessed. 
 
 "Yesterday afternoon an appointed Meeting was 
 held at Hillsborough, the number present but small, 
 and to my apprehension little life was prevalent among 
 them ; only a few of other professions attended, and 1 
 thought the season clouded from too great a desire for 
 words, which tended to obstruct the arising of the 
 spring in the manner it might have been known, had 
 each been engaged to dig for the pure flowing thereof 
 into their own hearts. 
 
 " Lurgan, 8th. On first day I was confined at John 
 Conrau's by indisposition, and on second we went to 
 Lisburn and called on a few of the families, whicji 
 proved a means of relief from some painful feelings. 
 Being so inclined we passed one night under the roof 
 
1788 — 1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 85 
 
 of our tried friend Jonathan Richardson, who lately 
 lost his lovely wife in a consumption. The Monthly 
 Meeting here occurring, we attended it, that for worship 
 rather low, the succeeding one more open, and the se- 
 lect Meeting in the evening, favoured in the unity of 
 life, and a time wherein the liberty of the gospel was 
 felt. 
 
 " Lurgan, 13th. We arrived at Rhonehill on fifth 
 day, and met as before a truly cordial reception. Next" 
 day was the Quarterly Meeting of Ministers and El- 
 ders, which held long, and was a very exercising sea* 
 son, some circumstances being unpleasantly handled, 
 caused a cloud to darken our hemisphere, but through 
 favour this was measurably dispersed, and before our 
 separation a degree of light and life spread over us. 
 The Meetings for discipline on seventh, and those for 
 worship on first day were very large, and mercifully 
 owned : my faith was low, but access being granted to 
 the throne of grace, ability to labour was experienced, 
 much to the relief of my poor mind, and I trust not to 
 the injury of the precious cause. 
 
 " On hearing of the death of Mary Ann Clibborn I 
 found it best to return hither, though 16 miles addi- 
 tional riding, to attend the burial, a very large number 
 of Friends and others were assembled on the occasion, 
 we went to the house before Meeting, and felt inclined 
 to go again in the evening, which some of us may be 
 thankful we did, from the renewed conviction that it 
 is better to go to the house of mourning than to that of 
 mirth. The bereaved husband, and ten children, were 
 present at a solemn season, which was marked by feel- 
 ings of near sympathy, and closed with supplication 
 for support in the day of trouble. The interment this 
 day is the fourth from that house in two years, three 
 
86 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 
 
 children, and their mother ! These are indeed deeply 
 instructive dispensations. 
 
 "We purposed proceeding on third day morning, 
 but being very much indisposed in health, and having 
 gone through pretty close work for a week before, we 
 concluded to rest at the truly hospitable dwelling of 
 James Christy, before the fresh engagement of going 
 round the Lough. 
 
 • "The usual Meeting at Lurgan on 4th day was well 
 attended by the members, and though we had wanted to 
 push forward, we had at this time, cause for adopting 
 the old proverb <a stop is no let' or real hindrance, be- 
 lieving that our detention was in best ordering, this 
 Meeting proving the most relieving to ray mind, of any 
 we had sat in this place. Next morning we resumed our 
 journey, and travelled, through much wind and rain to 
 Antrim, seventeen miles from Lurgan, where only a 
 few Friends reside. We concluded to sit with this 
 poor little flock in their Meeting-house at six o'clock 
 in the evening, there were several present, who through 
 one means or other had forfeited their right to member- 
 ship, though we knew not hereof, nor aught about 
 them, until after Meeting; the line of reproving doc- 
 trine ran closely, while the honest hearted were, I 
 trust, encouraged to hold on their way, and though a 
 suffering season, it closed with renewed cause for hum- 
 ble thankfulness to our almighty helper. 
 
 " Sixth day, the 17th. We went to Ballymena, near 
 which one family under our name resides. It had been 
 usual for this family to meet Friends who were travel- 
 ling, at one of the Meetings, but I felt an unusual in- 
 clination to go to them, though it cost us a few more 
 miles riding, and as soon as we entered the town I 
 thought I understood why the impulse was so strong 
 
1788—1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 8? 
 
 to visit it ; but I kept the pressure my mind was under 
 to myself, and no Meeting-house being there, nor 
 Friends residing in the place, felt discouraging. How- 
 ever, ou going up stairs at the inn, I observed two 
 rooms with folding doors, which being opened made 
 the whole pretty large; so I gave way to the impres- 
 sion, and had notice circulated of a Meeting, to which, 
 besides the few Friends, about forty persons came, 
 who sat in much quietness and solidity during the 
 time of silence. A solemn covering was evident, to 
 the humbling of our spirits, and in the prevalence of 
 gospel love the testimony of truth was a little opened, 
 gracious help being afforded beyond what I could have 
 asked or expected, so that I could renewedly say it is 
 good to trust in Thee — yea, none ever trusted and was 
 confounded. 
 
 " This morning we set out after breakfast, and a few 
 miles from the town our guide informing us there was 
 a settlement of Moravians at a little village he pointed 
 to, I inclined to call on them : so we turned off the 
 road, and went up to the house of the single sisters, 
 where we were kindly received ; and finding that I 
 had been acquainted with many of their people in Ger- 
 many produced additional attention to us. They took 
 us over their chambers, chapel, &c. and showed us the 
 various works they wrought ; and afterwards request- 
 ing os to take a bit of bread, we did so in the matron's 
 apartment, who appeared a religious feeling woman, 
 as was the case with several others of them, and this 
 little visit seemed mutually satisfactory and pleasant. 
 — We got here to tea, and purpose remaining over 
 Meeting to-morrow. 
 
 A Toberhead, 6th month, 21st. We left Ballinnacree 
 second day morning, and reached this place in the 
 
88 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 
 
 evening, where we met a truly kind reception in the 
 garb of simple hospitality, and feel very comfortable in 
 the humble dwelling of our dear friend Gervas John- 
 son, attended by his two daughters, who, with their 
 parents, endeavour to make ®our little tarriance here 
 pleasant, and indeed it is much more so than many su- 
 perior habitations would prove. At the Meeting here 
 this day the house was nearly full of Presbyterians, the 
 preacher, his wife, and the clerk of their Meeting 
 amongst them ; it was a season of liberty. 
 
 « There seems an invitation in these parts, as well 
 as others, to those not professing as we do. Oh ! that 
 all may be gathered to the teaching of the true Shep- 
 herd. Since tea we have been favoured with a solemn 
 season together in this family, where the precious life 
 cemented our spirits, and under its prevalence a little 
 of the oil ran through some vessels towards the be- 
 loved youth. 
 
 " Lurgan, 23d. We arrived here this evening to tea, 
 after travelling seventeen miles of remarkably rough 
 road, so much so, that we were not only greatly 
 shaken, but our chaise injured : we have travelled 
 since this day week about one hundred miles, had five 
 Meetings, and several family sittings ; the last Meet- 
 ing yesterday at Grange, whence we proceeded to An- 
 trim, nine miles, to lodge. We intend to rest here 
 awhile, feeling to require it after this journey, which 
 has been truly exercising every way, but accompanied 
 with a little of that peace which is worth suffering to 
 obtain. 
 
 " Maze, 7th month, 4th. I was painfully confined 
 more than a week at Lurgan, and feel considerably- 
 reduced in strength by this attack, but was enabled to 
 get to Meeting there on fourth day ; my body suffered 
 
1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 89 
 
 so much from the exercise which then fell to my lot, 
 that though we had concluded to leave Lurgan the same 
 afternoon, we gave up to rest a day or two longer. On 
 seventh day we proceeded hither, and yesterday morn- 
 ing went to Meeting at Lisburn, where, as in one I 
 before sat in this place, my mind was deeply pained 
 and oppressed from the prevalence of a spirit which 
 was thirsting for words, and sustained itself on the la- 
 bour of others, without any exercise of its own, after 
 that food which can alone nourish unto everlasting 
 life. I was strengthened to get some relief by an 
 honest endeavour to deliver what I apprehend was the 
 counsel committed to me, and being out of debt left a 
 comfortable poverty, very different to what is brought 
 on by withholding what is called for. 
 
 " Milecross, 4th day, 6th. A Meeting at Hillsbo- 
 rough on 2nd day evening, was attended by a tolerable 
 number of Friends and others, and though there was 
 less of the dominion of pure life than in some other op- 
 portunities of this sort, we had cause for renewed 
 thankfulness ; and yesterday morning, before leaving 
 our dear friends J. and L. C. we were favoured with 
 a precious cementing season, our spirits being baptized 
 under a feeling of that unity wherein ' the Lord com- 
 manded the blessing, even life for evermore.' — We ar- 
 rived here in the evening, and met a friendly recep- 
 tion from Thomas and Sarah Bradshaw : a Meeting is 
 to be held in their parlour, no Meeting-house, and but 
 few in profession with us being here. Which way we 
 shall move from hence is not yet fixed ; I am earnestly 
 desirous to feel and see the right path, and if that be 
 towards my tenderly beloved connexions, it will in- 
 deed be deemed a favour. 
 
 " Lurgan, 7th mo, 9th. I am once more in this place^ 
 12 
 
90 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. Vi 
 
 after being not only permitted, but apprehending ik 
 right for me, to seek that rest from close and deeply 
 trying exercise, which I may find in my own habita- 
 tion. — My frame is exceedingly shaken, and according 
 to human judgment unable to bear much more at pre- 
 sent ; and though I think, I was favoured to experi- 
 ence, (during the conflict I have passed through to ob- 
 tain divine certainty,) a degree of willingness to spend 
 and be spent, in that path whereon light shone, I be- 
 lieve that a gracious Master has mercifully withdrawn, 
 —at least for the present — the view of crossing the 
 water, and caused peace to rest on the conclusion to 
 return home, without which I hope I should feel afraid 
 so to do. 
 
 " Our closing visit at Milecross, was on several ac- 
 counts remarkable, different religious opportunities in 
 the family being so owned by the extension of Almighty- 
 help as to produce the thankful acknowledgment, i Thy 
 mercies are new every morning, great is Thy faithful- 
 ness and Thy truth.' 
 
 " Dublin, 7th mo. 16th, 1791. I told thee of my ex- 
 ercise respecting Scotland, and present release from 
 the prospect. At Belfast our minds were renewedly 
 dipped into the baptism of the cloud, and we had to be 
 still while it remained ; when a little light sprung up 
 we discovered there was something required, which 
 being strengthened to give way to, we left that place 
 comfoitably, and proceeded peacefully to Moyallen, 
 where we were sensible of gospel love to the sheep not 
 of our fold, and had the Afternoon Meeting postponed 
 from four to five ; the attendance was large, and 1 trust 
 the season was productive of no injury to the precious 
 cause of truth, solidity being evident. A large com- 
 pany supped at our lodging, and I think the covering 
 
1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 91 
 
 we were favoured with constituted a feast indeed, and 
 felt like a sanction to a separation from some truly 
 beloved Friends. Next morning we breakfasted at 
 M. P.'s, with whom, her twelve children, and several 
 near relatives, we had a season of retirement to the re- 
 lief of our minds. — Feeling attracted back to Lurgan 
 to see one family, we went thither, and next morning 
 proceeded to Warrenstown, where we were again fa- 
 voured with gracious unmerited help. 
 
 " On 5th day morning, after a solid cementing op- 
 portunity, of renewed feeling with and for each other, 
 we parted in near affection with several endeared 
 friends, and travelled very agreeably to Dundaik that 
 day; twenty-seven miles further yesterday, and this 
 day arrived here, under I trust, some little sense of 
 numberless undeserved favours received from bound- 
 less mercy. — May I be so preserved as not only dili- 
 gently to inquire what shall I render ? but resignedly 
 to follow the answer, which, from season to season a 
 gracious Master may see meet to return, in entire dedi= 
 cation to His will." 
 
 She returned from this journey much exhausted in 
 body, and was considerably indisposed for a long time, 
 but her mind became strengthened for increasing exer- 
 cise, and further religious service soon opened to her 
 view. That upon which she next entered was to the 
 city and western parts of the county of Cork, where 
 she was engaged to hold Meetings for those not in 
 profession with herself. — When on the point of leaving 
 home for this service, she wrote as follows : 
 
 — " I am going very poor and low in mind, but 
 
 hope not without knowing- whom I have believed, and 
 whom I trust I desire humbly to follow, as His pure 
 will is graciously revealed; if I return with renewed 
 
93 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 
 
 experience of His preserving power and in peaceful 
 poverty, it will be enough." 
 
 The chief account of this journey is contained in 
 letters from which the following extracts have been 
 taken. 
 
 " In humble gratitude to the author of all 
 
 our mercies it may be acknowledged, that the Meeting 
 at Bandon was a time wherein holy help was afforded, 
 and not only a door of utterance but one of entrance 
 opened, by His power who opened the heart of Lydia 
 of old. The people were attentive, solid, and I be- 
 lieve many of them thoughtful ; not only inwardly in- 
 quiring what is truth ? but willing to receive the answer 
 as there was strength to explain it; and the consoliug 
 hope attended, that some for whom our spirits then 
 travailed, w r ould be everlastingly inclosed in the true 
 sheep-fold. This opportunity of feeling and labouring 
 in the ability afforded, left solid satisfaction on our 
 minds, with desire to commit the issue to Him, who 
 ordereth all things according to the purpose of His own 
 will. In the evening we sat with the few Friends there 
 collectively; the labour here was abundantly more dif- 
 ficult, the w T ork harder, and the hope less, because it 
 seems indeed, when our little church is felt with, and 
 ministered to, it must be as in a state of sickness, and 
 alas ! may it not be feared that this sickness is not 
 deeply enough felt? therefore health is not in the sure 
 way of being restored, which it otherwise might be. 
 
 "We held a Meeting at Skibbereen, which was 
 very largely attended, and mercifully owned by holy 
 help, to the humiliation of self and exaltation of that 
 name which is above every name, and whereto I trust 
 some present bowed in reverent thankfulness of soul. 
 Next day we went, through wind and rain, to Balti- 
 
1788— 1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 93 
 
 more, a poor straggling place at the sea-side, mostly 
 inhabited by fishermen, seafaring persons, and revenue 
 officers, who 1 apprehend are generally Protestants. 
 No suitable place could be obtained for a Meeting, but 
 the public worship house, which we were glad to ac- 
 cept, the feeling of gospel love being strong to the peo- 
 ple here. We filled one of the pews., and I believe all 
 the others were nearly full : the company were quiet 
 and solid in the time of silence, and very attentive dur- 
 ing the communication of those truths we had to de- 
 clare amongst them : indeed, soon after sitting down, 
 the covering of solemnity was beyond what is fre- 
 quently witnessed on such occasions, and I have a con- 
 soling hope that the labours of that day will not be al- 
 together in vain. Thou hardly expected thy poor trem- 
 bling wife would ever be strengthened to move in such 
 a line, much less reason with the people in such a 
 place ; but it seemed no matter where the gospel was 
 published, if given to publish, and indeed it added to 
 the thankful feelings of my poor mind, that divine 
 mercy had enlightened my eyes to distinguish truth 
 from error, and substance from shadows. 
 
 66 Castletown has been our head quarters, and we 
 are now going to hold a Meeting in the Custom-house, 
 which is preparing for the purpose ; my heart is heavy 
 at the prospect, and every fresh exercise of this kind 
 ought to feel weighty. My health is as good as I could 
 expect, though our difficulties are not a few, and my 
 dear E. Pirn is a kind and sympathizing companion. 
 We are favoured with having five Friends of Cork 
 Meeting, whose company is helpful and pleasant to 
 us." 
 
 The winding up of this service was rendered memo- 
 rable, by its furnishing an opportunity for visiting Sa- 
 
94 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 
 
 muel Neale, in his last illness, and also of attending 
 his burial. He had long been an intimate and much 
 beloved friend of my dear mother's and her compa- 
 nion, and manifested near sympathy and concern for 
 them in the commencement of their journey; enquir- 
 ing, when very weak in body, how they were getting 
 on, and what assistance they had, in the affectionate 
 terms, ( who is taking care of these good women ? 7 On 
 returning to Cork they found his complaints had made 
 rapid progress, and it may not be uninteresting to 
 such as knew and valued this devoted man, to peruse 
 a few particulars of his state, and her own feelings in 
 witnessing it, as related in a letter dated the ^7th of 
 ad month. 
 
 " It was awful to enter the chamber of our ve- 
 nerable friend, and to behold one who had been so 
 often the messenger of consolation to me and to many 
 others, so reduced as to be almost unable to drop one 
 collected sentence, without immediately rambling to 
 something different, though all perfectly innocent and 
 sweet as a child. He looked at me and said, 6 Thou 
 hast great burdens,' adding that it was long since he 
 saw me. I sat about an hour by his bed-side, assisted 
 in moving him, &c. but he manifested little sign of 
 distinguishing one from another : I scarcely expected 
 the change would be so great in eight days ; his breath- 
 ing was hard, and by many corroborating symptoms it 
 was evident that the termination drew near. The si- 
 tuation of this beloved friend has seemed to cloud any 
 little prospect my mind may have had, so that it seems 
 best to stand still until this trying dispensation is full. 
 Yesterday evening, after taking tea with dear Sarah 
 Neale, I came to my lodgings, where many friends as- 
 sembled, and a solemn season ensued, wherein the 
 
 \ 
 
1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. Q5 
 
 prospect of the removal of this Elijah brought an aw- 
 ful covering, and renewedly raised the enquiry,, 
 6 Where is the Lord God of Elijah?' who conde- 
 scended to draw near the minds of some, and own 
 their sad communications. This evening I have been 
 again at the house of mourning, and waited until the 
 last conflict terminated in everlasting peace, of which 
 I thought it a great favour to be permitted to feel such 
 an evidence, that instead of lamentation the language 
 of praise might be uttered, while on account of the 
 church this renewed loss is certainly grievous." 
 
 On the 28th my dear mother and her companion re- 
 sumed their important engagements by going to Kin- 
 sale, where a Meeting was appointed for the next day ; 
 respecting which and subsequent religious service she 
 writes as follows : 
 
 " The appointment of this Meeting had been 
 
 an object of considerable weight, and was given up to 
 much in the cross, but through continued mercy it was 
 memorably owned by our unfailing Helper. The num- 
 ber collected was very large, and it seemed to us as if 
 more than a few were inwardly gathered, and like 
 thirsty ground prepared to receive such gospel com- 
 munications as there was ability to impart. Our stay 
 in, and departure from this place were rather singu- 
 larly marked by feelings of peace and thankfulness, 
 an abundant recom pence for any little service; and 
 what a favour it is that the sacrifice of our wills is 
 graciously accepted, that our deficiencies are merci- 
 fully made up, and our transgressions pardoned : surely 
 we may well say, worthy is the Lord to be served and 
 fully obeyed ! 
 
 " Fifth day we had a Meeting for the youth belong- 
 ing to Cork Meeting, which was large and solemn : it 
 
96 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 
 
 felt comforting to be among our fellow professors, and 
 renewedly to believe that the extension of heavenly 
 love is towards the children. 
 
 " Fifth day, Sd of 3d month, was the interment of 
 our honourable friend, S. N. ; the Meeting was very 
 large, and great numbers assembled at the ground 3 
 my dear companion was confined from both by illness, 
 which caused me to feel lonely ; for the help of her ex- 
 ercised spirit, and her labour in word and doctrine are 
 consoling and rejoicing to my heart. She has been fre- 
 quently during this embassy clothed with gospel power, 
 and enlarged in her sound acceptable gift. 
 
 "We had a solemn season of retirement at Edward 
 Hatton's in the evening, and apprehending that light 
 shone upon our return, we set forward on seventh day 
 morning, and I was favoured to find all in good order 
 at home that evening. Next day commenced our pro- 
 vince Meeting, and on the following first day we had 
 a Public Meeting at Carrick, which was graciously 
 owned by the covering of good, and left us in posses- 
 sion of peace. This step had been long in prospect 
 with me, but a sense of my childhood, and the great- 
 ness of the work kept me from avowing it, until encou- 
 raged by the experience of divine help in late engage- 
 ments." 
 
 Soon afterwards she had a Public Meeting in Clon- 
 mel y and this being the first time she had so evinced 
 her concern for the place where she resided, it felt 
 weighty in prospect, as will appear by the following 
 account of this important step. 
 
 " I might have been a little more valiant than 
 
 I found myself, when a matter came to the point that 
 I long had in view, though I never told any one of it 
 till, in the anguish of my heart it escaped me, after 
 
1788—179^.] MARY DUDLEY. 9/ 
 
 Meeting on first day, to M. G. and E. P. on their in- 
 quiring what ailed me? The time for the fulfilment of 
 this prospect seemed now arrived, and being favoured 
 in the Afternoon Meeting to feel that rise into domi- 
 nion wherein there was, (even vocally,) a surrender of 
 my little all, as light might be mercifully afforded, I 
 ventured to stop a few Friends afterwards, and inform- 
 ed them of the concern I was under; they evinced much 
 sympathy, and encouraged me to follow apprehended 
 duty. 
 
 " The Meeting was attended by a considerable num- 
 ber, who were generally quiet and solid ; and although 
 there was more of darkness to encounter, and less, I 
 thought, of the right thirst, than in some late Meetings, 
 yet it may be thankfully acknowledged, help was gra- 
 ciously extended, and that the honour of truth being 
 only in view, preservation was experienced from injur- 
 ing the precious cause. I never more forcibly felt that 
 truth, 'without wze, ye can do nothing. 7 May it be 
 deeply sealed on my spirit, and the spirits of all who 
 move in this awful line, that so, sufficiency being de- 
 rived from Him who can alone qualify, His own name 
 may be exalted, and the creature laid in the dust." 
 
 The following Letter was written in the year 1790, 
 and so manifests the continuance of affectionate and 
 Christian solicitude on behalf of her friends on the con- 
 tinent, that it appears calculated to prove an acceptable 
 termination to the present chapter. 
 " My beloved Friend, 
 L. Majolier ; 
 
 " Were I to tell thee and thy dear wife, with my 
 
 other valued friends at Congenies, that I have not 
 
 ceased to love you, as often as the sensible renewings 
 
 of Christian fellowship refresh my mind, our converse 
 
 13 
 
98 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 
 
 in this way would be frequent; but though I may, 
 through continued gracious regard, be indulged with 
 this symptom of having passed from death unto life, 
 love to the brethren, I seem but seldom under qualifica- 
 tion to help any of my fellow professors in their spiri- 
 tual travail ; being often brought very low, not only in 
 mind but in body; instructed by frequent chastisements 
 of love, that I have no continuing city here. — You, my 
 dear friends, know some of ray many infirmities, and 
 I often gratefully remember how affectionately you 
 sympathized with me, and endeavoured, by your 
 friendly attentions, to alleviate such as I was tried 
 with while among you ; yea the remembrance of having 
 been with you is pleasant, and there are seasons when 
 I seem so to visit you in spirit, to feel with and for 
 you, that I am as though personally among you, joy- 
 ing, (if I may use the words of an apostle,) and rejoic- 
 ing, to behold the steadfastness of some : among these 
 hast thou, beloved Louis, refreshed my mind, in be- 
 lieving that the visitation of divine love has not been 
 extended in vain ; but, that in yielding obedience to 
 the heavenly vision, thou hast known an advancement 
 in the line of righteousness, and an increase in stabi- 
 lity and peace ; go on my endeared friend ; the sense 
 that often impressed my heart while with thee now 
 revives, even that much depends on thy perseverance ; 
 not only thy owu and precious companion's welfare, 
 but that of the little flock, mercifully gathered by the 
 everlasting Shepherd, under whose holy guidance I 
 view thee delegated to lead them, designed in the for- 
 cible language of example to encourage them, Mo 
 follow Christ.' Ah ! my dear brother, how much is 
 implied in being a follower of Christ ; how deep ought 
 the dwelling of such to be, in order that a full confor- 
 
1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 99 
 
 mity nfay be wrought to His will, by a total renunci- 
 ation of our own under every appearance. — The work 
 of thorough subjection is truly a great work, and it is 
 to be expected, in the refining process, that deep suf- 
 ferings and closely proving conflicts should attend the 
 exercised spirit. — ' Ye shall indeed drink of my cup/ 
 was the blessed Master's language, and be baptized 
 with the baptism that I am baptized with, this is seal- 
 ed in the experience of His tribulated servants, they 
 measurably partake of the dispensations so largely 
 filled up by Him, when in the prepared body, and 
 herein their union with Him is effected ; but, blessed 
 be His name, there is a consoling declaration gone 
 forth, if we suffer 9 ice shall also reign with Hun. 
 There are seasons when such baptized sons and 
 daughters, know, even here, through the resurrection 
 of life, something of this sort, when truth rising into 
 dominion over all in their hearts, they are made as 
 kings and priests unto God ; and there is a season ap- 
 proaching, when, being unclothed of these mortal bo- 
 dies, such shall be clothed upon with immortality and 
 eternal life. My heart has been unexpectedly filled 
 to thee my dear friend, and I have given my pen 
 liberty ; if any thing can be gathered up from these 
 broken hints, which may serve as an encouragement 
 to thee in thy trying allotment, I shall be glad, for 
 surely I would encourage thee ; mayest thou put on 
 strength in the Lord's name and trusting therein find 
 it a strong tower, yea, an impregnable fortress, where 
 the enemy cannot hurt, though he may roar and greatly 
 disquiet. Remember the language applied to the true 
 church, and which belongs to every living member 
 therein, 'He reproved kings for thy sake, saying, 
 touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm/ 
 
100 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 
 
 And now, having relieved ray mind a little tfnvards 
 one, I feel a renewed salutation to you, ray endeared 
 friends, who were collectively the objects of our visit; 
 a visit to which love was the moving cause, and the 
 consoling attendant of our minds while with you, and 
 which I believe we all now feel to be the cement of a 
 union, not broken or impaired by external separation. 
 In the extension of this pure principle my mind is often 
 drawn towards you, in fervent affectionate solicitude 
 that the good work mercifully begun may abundantly 
 prosper, and He who has been the Alpha become the 
 glorious Omega, perfecting the new creation, and ful- 
 filling His gracious purpose, by making you a people 
 to His praise. It is, dear friends, and many of you 
 have seen it, a gradual work; it begins, as in the first 
 or outward creation, with that heavenly command, 
 6 Let there be light.' There are those among you who 
 have intelligibly heard this in the secret of your souls, 
 and, through illuminating grace, have clearly distin- 
 guished the way wherein you should walk : now this 
 light is to be attended to, according to what the Apostle 
 tells the believers, 'to which ye do well to take heed,' 
 because it shines more and more unto the perfect day. 
 While we simply follow it, we come under the descrip- 
 tion of walking in the day, and stumble not ; but are, 
 by regular gradations, introduced into the acceptable 
 state of children of the Lord; taught of Him, and 
 established in righteousness. It is, my beloved friends, 
 this desirable state of establishment in the right way, 
 that my spirit renewedly craves for you and for myself; 
 that every visited mind among you may become redeem- 
 ed; every called, a chosen disciple, by unreserved 
 dedication of heart to the pure unerring leadings of the 
 only sure guide. Wait, in the silence of all flesh, for 
 
1788— 1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 101 
 
 the farther unfoldings of the divine law ; seek to know 
 a taking root downward ; and as you come to witness 
 the sap of heavenly grace to nourish and strengthen the 
 root, you will in due season be qualified to bring forth 
 fruit to the Lord's praise, *' First the Made, then the 
 ear, after that the full corn in the ear,' ripening under 
 holy influence, and by the maturing rays of the Sun of 
 Righteousness prepared to be finally gathered into the 
 garner. Oh! how my spirit longs for the safe advance- 
 ment of the beloved youth among you. May the en- 
 riching showers of celestial rain descend to preserve 
 and nourish them ; and may the further advanced, 
 those in the meridian and decline of life, wait in hum- 
 ble resignation to know their spirits renewedly season- 
 ed with the salt of the kingdom ; that this may pro- 
 duce its salutary effects, enabling to minister grace, 
 suitable example and precept, to the younger. Finally, 
 beloved friends, farewell in the Lord ! may He ( be 
 sanctified in them who come nigh' Him, and the gracious 
 purpose of His will be effected, by preparing for him- 
 self i a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle < 
 or any such thing. 7 In the fresh feeling of undimi- 
 nished love I am your cordial friend, 
 
102 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VI. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Religious visit to Dunkirk and Guernsey > in the year 1792. 
 
 A SERVICE for which my dear mother had long 
 been preparing, and which she contemplated with 
 awfulness and many fears, now presented as the im- 
 mediate requiring of her great Master, and early io the 
 6th mo. she laid before her Monthly Meeting a con- 
 cern to visit Friends in Dunkirk, Guernsey, and some 
 parts of the north of England and Scotland, having in 
 prospect to hold Meetings also with those not in pro- 
 fession with our Society. The trial which it was to 
 her affectionate feelings, and the conflicts she endured, 
 when thus about to leave her husband and childreu, 
 are somewhat described in the following extract from 
 a letter, dated 
 
 " 6th mo. 23rd, 1792. Thy sympathy in my pre- 
 sent important prospect is truly consoling, and thy en- 
 couragement to follow apprehended duty is strength- 
 ening. Ah ! my progress has indeed been slow, and my 
 experience comparatively small ; but how much has it 
 cost my nature, yea, almost its destruction, to be in the 
 degree I am, loosened from my precious domestic ties. 
 "When a gracious Master demands the sacrifice of obe- 
 dience, what struggles do I renewedly feel to give up 
 all ; at this moment I am even ready to question whe- 
 ther that faith to which all things are possible will be 
 victorious, or rather that the small grain will so in- 
 crease as to give the victory." 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 103 
 
 On the 1st of the 8th mo. she sailed from Waterford, 
 being accompanied by her dear friends, Elizabeth Pirn 
 and Edward Hatton, who both felt bound to the ser- 
 vice ; respecting the accomplishment of which, my dear 
 mother writes as follows : 
 
 " Through merciful preservation we arrived 
 
 at Milford about seven o'clock this morning, after a 
 very tedious passage the wind turning quite against us 
 about two hours after we got on board, and next day it 
 was mostly calm, so that little but fishing went forward 
 among the sailors : we were all distressingly sick, but 
 it is a great favour we had no storm and have been so 
 far preserved. 
 
 66 5th. We proceeded from Haverfordwest to Car- 
 marthen, where as there was a Meeting-house belong- 
 ing to Friends, we ventured to invite the people to 
 come and sit with us : a little solid company attended, 
 and I think there was no reason to be dissatisfied with 
 this step. We rode on to Llandovery to lodge, and 
 reached Monmouth the next day, called on a family of 
 Friends about a mile from the town who are settled in 
 a lonely situation far from Meeting, and separated 
 from the Society of Friends ; some communication in a 
 sitting with them tended to relieve our minds, and I 
 hope sealed some profitable instruction on theirs. We 
 went from thence to Ross, and finding their Monthly 
 Meeting was to be held the next day, concluded to at- 
 tend it. Our minds being drawn in gospel love to those 
 not of our Society, notice was circulated and many 
 came to the Meeting which proved a solemn one. E. 
 H. was engaged with good authority, and the season 
 ended in humble acknowledgment of divine mercy. 
 We had a religious sitting in the family where we 
 lodged, and proceeded that evening to Gloucester, 
 
40-1 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VI. 
 
 where we also felt bound to appoint a Meeting ; and 
 though but few attended, it was an open relieving time, 
 affording renewed cause to trust in the never-failing 
 arm of saving strength. 
 
 " We reached Burford the evening of the 9th, and 
 were affectionately received at the hospitable dwelling 
 of Thomas Huntley. In religious retirement after sup- 
 per, we were refreshed together, and felt a little of that 
 fellowship which is with the Father, and with his S071 
 Jesus Christ. We had a season of religious worship 
 next morning with the boys in their school-room, and 
 afterwards proceeded to High Wycomb, where we ar- 
 rived just as Friends were going to a Meeting held at 
 seven in the evening on that day of the week ; it was 
 a solid time, the number attending not large. Here I 
 met with my old companion Adey Bellamy, who took 
 me to his house, and, with his wife, a valuable religious 
 woman, lodged and entertained us most kindly. 
 
 "41th. After breakfast we went to see our friend 
 Mary Green, and her three daughters, where we were 
 favoured with an opportunity the most refreshing and 
 strengthening to my poor mind, of any we have had 
 since leaving Waterford. A. B. supplicated, and after 
 some communications in the line of ministry, his wife 
 revived the language of David, ' Surely mercy and 
 goodness hath followed me all the days of my life , ? &c. 
 when our valuable friend M. G. with whom much sym- 
 pathy was felt, made humble acknowledgment of the 
 mercy renewedly extended to her ; after which another 
 return of prepared praise closed this memorable sea- 
 son, wherein it seemed to me such food was graciously 
 handed, as might be gone in the strength of, many days, 
 and our spirits were bowed in thankfulness to the 
 Lord. We left this place in peaceful serenity, and 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 10j 
 
 reached London to tea, being cordially received at my 
 dear friend J. Eliot's. 
 
 " 12th. Attended Westminster Meeting, which was 
 to my feelings a low season, though E. H. was well 
 concerned in testimony. The Afternoon Meeting was 
 wholly silent, but I thought inward travail was got to, 
 which it is a favour to be willing to abide under, even 
 a state where the seed can be profitably visited and in- 
 terceded for; believing that in this situation groans 
 which cannot be uttered, reach the sacred ear. My 
 mind was instructed in these seasons, as well as in a 
 time of retirement at our lodgings, in the evening, and 
 though my lips were closed in this city, I was in de- 
 gree thankful for one sense of life, renewed willing- 
 ness to suffer. 
 
 " 13th. After attending the Morning Meeting, where 
 our certificates were read, we apprehended ourselves 
 clear of London, and left it about four o'clock accom- 
 panied by John Eliot and John Bevans. Arrived at 
 Rochester late that evening, and not feeling easy to 
 proceed without having a Meeting there, one was ap- 
 pointed for next morning. This through divine favour 
 proved a season of considerable relief ; it was wholly 
 confined to Friends, and I believe properly so, as it 
 appeared a visit to our fellow members, who are some- 
 times deprived of their portion when others are present. 
 Many Friends dined with us, at William Rickuian's, 
 and a solemn season afterwards crowned this labour 
 of love. We proceeded to Dover that night, where, 
 though not arriving uutil past ten o'clock, we were 
 hospitably received at Richard Baker's. 
 
 " We found that our dear friends Martha Routh and 
 Christiana Hustler, were daily expected from Dunkirk, 
 and that a vessel was likely to sail for that place in the 
 14 
 
106 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VI. 
 
 morning. We had before thought only of Calais, but 
 R. B. recommending this, in preference, we changed 
 our original intention, and set sail on 4th day morning 
 the 12th, with a favourable breeze, but this soon slack- 
 ened, so that we were above twelve hours on sea, and 
 suffered much from sickness. The gates of the town 
 being shut when we got into harbour, we were obliged 
 to remain on board all night. On reaching the house, 
 of our kind friend William Rotch, next morning, we 
 found it was their usual Meeting day; but not feeling 
 ourselves equal to sitting down profitably, so soon after 
 a voyage, it was deferred to six in the evening, when 
 we assembled, and though but a small number it felt a 
 time of solemnity. 
 
 " On conferring together next morning, it seemed 
 consonant to all our feelings to sit with the few fami- 
 lies, and we began at that of our kind host, with whom, 
 his wife and two daughters, we were favoured to feel 
 spiritual refreshment. 
 
 " In proceeding with this engagement much exercise 
 attended, and the truth of the Scripture assertion was 
 sensibly enforced, 'ye have need of patience: 1 ' but I 
 had afresh to consider that it is part of the labourer's 
 business to break up the fallow ground, as well as to 
 sow the seed ; this is the hardest portion of the work, 
 but the servant is not to choose. It is enough for the 
 servant to be as his Master, and the disciple as his 
 Lord. May I increasingly learn this salutary lesson, 
 for I am far behind my fellow labourers in the glorious 
 work. 
 
 " First day, the 19th. Our Meeting this morning wag 
 attended by a few others besides Friends, and through 
 the extension of divine regard, proved solemn ; holy 
 help being afforded to visit the different states of the 
 
1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 107 
 
 people to some relief, and I trust profit. In the even- 
 ing, at our lodging, a memorable season crowned this 
 day, so that it was indeed measurably known that 
 through continued mercy the outgoings of the morning 
 and the evening rejoice. 
 
 " 20th. After the last family sitting an exercise which 
 had attended my mind since coming here, became so 
 heavy that I mentioned to my companions the view of 
 having a Meeting with the inhabitants of this place 3 
 they encouraged me, but did not appear to be them- 
 selves, under the weight of it. This tried my faith, 
 and on speaking to our dear friend William Rotch, he 
 expressed some fear that owing to the present state of 
 public affairs it would not be of much advantage. Hav- 
 ing moved so far, I felt relieved, and willing either to 
 give the matter wholly up, or yield to it in the morning 
 should the pressure continue. After supper, a very 
 solemn season ensuing, wherein access was mercifully 
 afforded to the throne of divine grace, and renewed 
 strength experienced, we again conferred on the sub- 
 ject, and concluded to appoint a Meeting, and though 
 the number attending was but small, it proved a season 
 owned by the liberty of the gospel. E. Hatton was 
 early engaged with good authority on the testimony 
 concerning our Saviour, i In Him ivas life, and the 
 life was the light of men: 7 E. Pirn followed accepta- 
 bly, and strength was afterwards afforded for one of 
 the poorest to be engaged in the service of a gracious 
 Master, who was pleased mercifully to help while ad- 
 vocating His cause. 
 
 " At the close of this Meeting, the members of our 
 Society were requested to remain, and we had to re- 
 commend an attention to some points which seemed 
 overlooked by Friends in this place, and to encourage 
 
108 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VI. 
 
 to deep watchfulness lest the testimony of truth might 
 fall ; also to strengthen the hands of those concerned 
 for its support: this felt a solemn conclusion to our 
 visit here, and my mind was favoured with a sense of 
 calmness and relief. 
 
 66 Apprehending that liberty was now given to pro- 
 ceed we prepared for doing so, and just before sepa- 
 rating, the feeling of divine love sweetly cemented our 
 spirits, under which a fresh salutation arose to several 
 present, and solemn acknowledgment of the Lord's 
 unfailing mercy was made ; under which covering, and 
 the evidence of solid peace, we parted with this dear 
 family. There were, besides the household, several 
 at this last opportunity for whom travail of soul had 
 been experienced, that they might abide under the 
 softening influence of heavenly love, and submit to the 
 holy discipline of the cross. 
 
 " Benjamin Rotch accompanied us to Calais, where 
 we were detained two days by unfavourable wind 5 a 
 trial of patience, feeling anxious to get forward. 
 
 > " 24th. We embarked about four o'clock in the af- 
 ternoon, and had a sick passage of eight hours ; land- 
 ing at Dover, I trust with thankful hearts, and were 
 again affectionately received at our kind friend Richard 
 Baker's. 
 
 " 36th. Attended the usual Meeting which was an 
 exercising time ; the life of religion being so low that 
 suffering with the oppressed seed was our portion. My 
 companions were well engaged, and I was drawn to 
 supplicate for the church in her wilderness state, faith 
 being mercifully afforded to trust that she will yet be 
 brought forth : — this I felt to be a renewed favour from 
 the divine hand. 
 
 " We left Dover comfortably, and reached Canter- 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 109 
 
 bury, where we had requested an Evening Meeting 
 might be appointed, and notice circulated among the 
 inhabitants ; but very few were there besides those who 
 professed with Friends, and from our first assembling 
 it felt very hard to get to profitable settlement or exer- 
 cise. Dear E. P. and E. H. were concerned to minis- 
 ter, but my spirit was in a state of captivity with the 
 captive seed, so that I could not visit the few who had 
 given us their company, nor dared I address those for 
 whom I was led into painful travail, until there was a 
 separation ; which being proposed, those not of our 
 Society withdrew, and I ventured to express my feel- 
 ings in a line of honest close labour ; for truly it seem- 
 ed as if no other would do in this place, where there 
 felt too much rubbish in the way availingly to build 
 any thing ; and the outward appearance was such as 
 might raise the enquiry whether most present were of 
 our fold or not, so great a conformity to the fashions of 
 the world was evident. Though little or no hope at- 
 tended this labour, yet peace succeeded obedience to 
 the manifestations of duty, and this is all the poor ser- 
 vant has to do with, we must leave the issue to Him 
 who alone giveth the increase. 
 
 " &7th. We arrived at Rochester to dinner at W. 
 Rickman's, and had a satisfactory sitting with the chil- 
 dren in his school ; reaching London the same evening. 
 
 u On 3rd day, the £8th, attended Devonshire-house 
 Meeting, where we met our dear friends Martha 
 Houth, and Christiana Hustler. This proved a truly 
 baptizing season, and out of the mouth of several wit- 
 nesses words were established to the comfort of some 
 of us. This favoured opportunity closed in supplica= 
 tion ; and a consoling hope was raised that a precious 
 living seed was preserved, and under holy cultivation ; 
 
110 THE LIFE OF [[CHAP. VI. 
 
 for which earnest desire was felt that gracious care 
 might continue to be extended, and the Lord cause it 
 to bring forth fruit to His own everlasting praise. We 
 dined with these dear friends at Simon Bailey's, and 
 in the evening proceeded to Staines, lodging at John 
 Finch's, where, after supper, a solemn silence prevail- 
 ed, gathering our minds to the place where not only ac- 
 ceptable prayer is made, but strength mercifully obtain- 
 ed to journey forward in the spiritual race ; liberty was 
 felt to visit several states present, and we parted for 
 the night, under a precious covering of good. 
 
 " 29th We reached Southampton about seven o'clock 
 in the evening, and found a packet just ready for sail- 
 ing to Guernsey, in which we embarked; and after a 
 tempestuous night, with much danger and distressing 
 sickness, made about two-thirds of our passage in 
 twelve hours : but the wind proving contrary we got 
 but little on our way through the night of the 30th : we 
 were however favoured to make the port, late the fol- 
 lowing evening, and met a kind reception from Nicho- 
 las and Mary Naftel. We felt it a mercy to be once 
 more preserved over the great deep, while crossing 
 which, all our minds were tried on various accounts, 
 though measurably kept in quietness, and confidence 
 in the arm of effectual help; so that I did not wish my- 
 self any where else, and in the midst of distress had a 
 view of this island, accompanied with the belief that 
 there were some here prepared to receive a gospel visit ; 
 may our spirits be renewedly qualified for the service 
 required. 
 
 " 9th month, 1st. Prospects seem opening and the 
 work feels heavy ; may there be a centring deep so as 
 to know the Master's will, and resignation to follow it 
 let it lead as it may. We this evening took a walk, to 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. Ill 
 
 see an elderly man, who was a member of the Church 
 of England, but embraced the principles of Friends, 
 from conviction, on reading some of their writings : he 
 resides alone in a retired situation, about a mile in the 
 country, has a garden, and with what it produces, &c. 
 is worth about <£ a 4 per year : he considers himself 
 rich with this, and teaches gratuitously a number of poor 
 children to write. Soon after our entering his cottage, 
 a precious covering spread over us, under which prayer 
 was offered for future preservation, and humble acqui- 
 escence with the will of our divine Master. This was 
 a season of renewed strength to my mind, which has 
 been much tossed and tried lately. 
 
 " First day, 2nd. The Meeting this morning was 
 largely attended, and I trust it was a profitable time to 
 some : my mind was under such a weight respecting 
 what was to take place in the afternoon, that I felt 
 thankful silently to labour for a little strength ; a Meet- 
 ing being appointed for the inhabitants, and permission 
 granted to hold it in the assembly room. When we 
 went, there was a large number collected, and the 
 room was soon nearly filled ; many of the people were 
 solid, and apparently serious, but others restless, and 
 so noisy that it required much faith to move at all; 
 but the exercise being heavy, and the love of the gos- 
 pel prevalent, as there was a venturing in simplicity, 
 faith and strength increased, and gracious help was so 
 afforded that what might be compared to the boister- 
 ous element was gradually calmed ; and truth rose into 
 such dominion, that not only from the necessity, but in 
 the feeling of precious liberty, the gospel could be 
 preached and its doctrines a little unfolded. 
 
 " The Meeting concluded under increasing solem- 
 nity, and a consoling hope that all would not be lost. 
 
112 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. Vic 
 
 but some of the fragments be seen after many days. 
 Though much exhausted from this laborious exercise, 
 a time of divine favour after supper tended to renew 
 bodily and mental strength, and salutary repose again 
 wound up the springs of nature. 
 
 a ^r e we nt on second day three miles into the coun- 
 try, to see a sister of Peter la Lecheur ? s, (the person 
 already mentioned,) who, like him, joined the Society 
 of Friends from conviction ; and held a Meeting in a 
 barn near her dwelling. Many people assembled and 
 we spoke through an interpreter, which was made easier 
 to my companions than they expected; solemnity and 
 gospel love were prevalent, and I trust several were 
 helped a little on their way ; for while liberty to uu- 
 fold the doctrines of truth was experienced, there felt 
 a door of entrance to the minds of some present. No 
 Friends reside in this place, except the woman already 
 alluded to; her husband is a Methodist, he was much 
 tendered in the Meeting, and very kind to us at his 
 own house, where we dined ; their children are also 
 Methodists, the husband of one daughter lately felt a 
 scruple at having his child sprinkled. 
 
 a We returned through heavy rain but in peace, and 
 went to take tea with a solid man, who professes with 
 Friends ; his wife, a well-minded woman is a Metho- 
 dist; we had a religious sitting with them in the even- 
 ing to our refreshment. 
 
 "Fourth day was their usual Meeting, at which 
 several besides Friends were present, among them a 
 Calvinist minister, who had been with us twice at our 
 lodgings, and with whom we had much conversation. 
 At the close of this Meeting, which was a time of so- 
 lemnity, those not in profession with us were requested 
 to withdraw, and we had a very relieving season with 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 113 
 
 the few individuals of our Society, only ten in number. 
 After these opportunities we began to think about rff 
 turning, and hope we did not do wrong when wte en- 
 gaged a vessel which only came in the preceding day. 
 No regular packet being then going, nor had any one 
 sailed for England while we were on the island. 
 
 " 5th day, we crossed the water about half' a mile, 
 to a place called Castle-Island, where there is a garri- 
 son, and E. H. would gladly have had a Meeting, but 
 it could not be obtained without the Governor's per- 
 mission, so was relinquished. We tailed in returning, 
 to see a man and his wife, who had removed from 
 Ireland, and who had been educated in our Society, 
 and were pleased at having made this visit. In the 
 evening most of our Friends were with us at NVNaf- 
 teFs, and the covering of solemnity was again merci- 
 fully spread over us, the precious cement of gospel 
 love binding us as in the one bundle. 
 
 " 6th day morning, 8th. While waiting to be sum- 
 moned on ship-board, a sweet parting season crowned 
 this visit, wherein a consoling hope was felt that 
 through many infirmities the arm of the Lord had not 
 only been near to sustain, but graciously strengthened 
 for the work whereunto He had called, so that in re- 
 newed faith His great cause might be committed to 
 His holy keeping ; whilst the belief was satisfactorily 
 revived, that these Islands would learn more and more 
 to wait for His law, and trust in His name : He can 
 gather without instrumental means, and complete His 
 own work by the effectual operation of Almighty power. 
 I felt a rest in this assurance beyond all that I can set 
 forth, and some deep conflicts respecting these parts 
 seemed, as it were, swallowed up in that ocean of love, 
 which I verily believe will operate, until the knowledge 
 15 
 
114) THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VI. 
 
 of the Lord cover the earth, as the waters cover the 
 sefc.^ Under these precious feelings, praise renewedly 
 waiteitt as in the gates of Ziou, for heavenly acceptance, 
 and after getting on board the vessel so strong did the 
 current' of gospel solicitude continue to flow, that I was 
 constrained to express a few words to a number of per- 
 sons who were collected on the Pier. Holy support 
 was near through this exercise, and peace succeeded, 
 for which pledge of divine acceptance what is too dear 
 to part with r May all our imperfections and short- 
 comings be nieifcifally forgiven and every deficiency 
 supplied, for the language is, I trust, deeply inscribed, 
 ( to us belongeth confusion of face.' 
 
 " We were favoured with a fine passage of less than 
 twelve hours to Weymouth, a distance of twenty-four 
 leagues, and having a fair wind all the way were able 
 to stay upon deck, and partake of the captain's provi- 
 sions, feeling much better than I could have expected, 
 though sick part of the time. While on the water I was 
 sensible of gospel love towards the inhabitants of Port- 
 land, and wished we could land there instead of at 
 Weymouth; but I feared avowing so much lest the 
 vessel might not safely anchor there, so said nothing 
 until 7th day, when being about to proceed, and look- 
 ing over maps for a while, I told my companions I 
 did not believe the line would be discovered there, at 
 least for me, and acknowledged the prospect I had of 
 this Island. 
 
 " After making some necessary arrangements we 
 went a mile and a half to the ferry, but not being able 
 to procure any conveyance at the other side, had to 
 walk a long way upon rough gravel. At length after 
 E. Hatton had gone on to try for a cart for us, B. Rotch 
 discovered one returning to Weymouth, and represent- 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 115 
 
 ing the poor women as tired, and offering generous 
 payment, we obtained possession, and found our friend 
 E. H. at the inn sending off a conveyance to meet us. 
 Here we were kindly received, and found that Debo- 
 rah Darby and Rebecca Young had held a Meeting in 
 a very large room in the bouse, on being put ashore 
 there in going to Guernsey. 
 
 " We appointed a Meeting for eleven o'clock in the 
 morning, finding the Methodists held theirs at nine, 
 and it felt unpleasant to interfere with the hour of 
 other professors. The Isle of Portland is divided in- 
 to several little villages, our men Friends gave notice 
 in the one we passed through, and that we were then 
 in, but I apprehend the intelligence reached further, 
 as several came on horseback and many were in the 
 house before the appointed hour. The room, though 
 very large, was not only filled, but the stair-case and 
 adjoining chamber seemed crowded, and a solemn 
 favoured season it proved; one wherein the poor could 
 be invited to partake of durable riches. The people 
 are mostly of a labouring, industrious class, reckoned 
 very honest, and diligent in attending their place of 
 worship, which is the establishment; there has been 
 lately opened a Methodist Meeting, and a rich man of 
 that profession, named Brackenbury, has settled there 
 with a view of benefiting the inhabitants in a religious 
 sense : he was from home, but some of his family were 
 at the Meeting, and conversed freely with us after- 
 wards; they appeared solid persons, and were very 
 friendly. A steady looking man, a preacher, came 
 after dinner and invited us to this gentleman's house, 
 but we were about setting off, and declined the invita- 
 tion in consequence. 
 
 " This Meeting recompensed us well for our little 
 
116 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VI. 
 
 pains in getting to it, and 1 trust some were helped on 
 their way : however we felt relieved, and renewedly 
 encouraged to trust in the unfailing arm of divine sup- 
 port. As we left the Island, many at their doors spoke 
 kindly to us, and our hearts and lips could affection- 
 ately say farewell. We went back peacefully in our 
 cart to Weymouth, and after a cup of tea proceeded to 
 Dorchester to lodge, where on second day we parted 
 from our dear friend E. Hatton who set forward for 
 Sherborne : we separated under the hope that each was 
 endeavouring to follow the light afforded, though the 
 division was sensibly felt on both sides. We pro- 
 ceeded under the kind care of Benjamin Rotch to 
 Poole, were we lodged at Moses Neave's : several 
 Friends spent the evening with us, and a very solemn 
 season ensued before supper, which compensated for 
 the little circuit we took in coming hither, and account- 
 ed for the inclination we felt to do so. The 11th and 
 13th we were at Alton and Staines week-day Meet- 
 ings, and on the evening of the latter, reached London, 
 which seemed to be the proper port to re- ship for an- 
 other voyage." 
 
1793.] MAPwY DUDLEY. 417 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 Continuation of the same journey, comprising a visit to the 
 North of England and Scotland. 1792. 
 
 " WE remained in the city over first day, attending 
 Peel Meeting in the morning, and Gracechurch-street 
 in the afternoon, at each of which there was an affect- 
 ing instance of mortality presented to our view : in the 
 forenoon the remains of a young woman named Boyle 
 were taken into Meeting, and at Gracechurch-street 
 those of Mary, the wife of Thomas Wagstaffe, both 
 seasons were low and mostly silent. In the evening we 
 attended the Meeting for Ministers and Elders, for the 
 Peel Monthly Meeting, which was held at the School 
 and Workhouse, and proved a time of renewed 
 strength ; for though the communing was sad, I was 
 thankful for the belief that our gracious Master ap- 
 proved it by joining Himself to the little company, 
 and affording a portion of food which could be travel- 
 led in the strength of, for a little while, if not many 
 days. 
 
 66 We left London about one o'clock on second day, 
 the 17th of the 9th mo. John and Abigail Pirn accom- 
 panying us as far as Wellingborough, where we at- 
 tended Meeting on 5th day, as we had that of Olney, 
 on fourth ; we lodged at dear Benjamin and Tabitha 
 Middleton's, and the former kindly taking charge of 
 us, we proceeded after dinner to Market Harborough, 
 lodged there, and travelled next day forty miles to Not- 
 
118 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 
 
 tingham, where we arrived late, and were kindly re- 
 ceived by John Storer and his wife. 
 
 "We were weary and exhausted upon reaching 
 Sheffield seventh day, but attended both Metings on 
 first. That in the morning was a season of very close 
 exercise, but I think owned with a good degree of the 
 overshadowing of divine power, under which humbling 
 influence there was a moving in the line of apprehend- 
 ed duty, so that relief of mind was obtained, and I 
 hope a little profitable instruction sealed on some pre- 
 sent. The number was very large, at both sittings, 
 the latter heavy and laborious : we drank tea at Wil- 
 liam Fairbank's, where a season of solemn retirement 
 ensued, and after supper at our lodgings, we were 
 again sweetly invited to inward attention by the spread- 
 ing of the holy wing ; and ability to perform spiritual 
 worship, was, I believe, renewedly experienced by 
 several then assembled, to whom encouragement was 
 administered still to maintain the warfare in faith : this 
 was the crowning of a laborious day. 
 
 " 24th. Our kind friend John Barlow took E. P. 
 and me in a chaise to Ackworth, where, with several 
 other Friends we arrived to tea. When the children 
 were summoned to supper we went to look first at the 
 girls, and here I know not that I can do justice either 
 to my feelings, or the sight my eyes were saluted with : 
 the silence that prevailed, the solidity of the mistres- 
 ses and children, and the sense of good melting into 
 an humble admiration, only to be expressed in such 
 language, as, the one half was not told me. The view 
 of the boys afterwards was attended with similar feel- 
 ings, and as our time was limited, it seemed best to 
 desire the whole family might be collected. Several 
 Friends from Sheffield and other places were present* 
 
179^.] MARY DUDLEY. 119 
 
 and I believe all, in some measure, young and old, 
 bowed under an awful sense of the divine presence, 
 which indeed administered life, and excited thankful 
 returns of praise to Him who is for ever worthy. This 
 one season was worth a long journey, and the feeling 
 of sweet peace while under the roof, accepted as a 
 precious pledge to our minds of the Lord's gracious 
 regard towards this extraordinary Institution, which 
 is surely stamped with holy approbation, and will, I 
 doubt not, be a blessing to future generations. I felt 
 regret at being obliged to leave Ackworth so soon, but 
 our prospects precluded a longer tarriance. 
 
 " We proceeded to York, in company with a large 
 number of Friends, meeting with a cordial reception 
 from William Tuke and his excellent wife. The 
 Quarterly Select Meeting was held that evening, and 
 largely attended from different parts of this couuty, as 
 well as by strangers; dear Esther Tuke was beauti- 
 fully concerned in the line of close doctrine in this 
 sitting, and I ventured to drop the little fragment out 
 of my small basket. 
 
 "4th day. The Meeting for worship was very 
 large, and several living testimonies were borne: the 
 Meetings for discipline were held by adjournment till 
 fifth-day noon; and the last sitting especially was one 
 of solemnity, wherein precious fellowship was renew- 
 ed, and the concluding Meeting in the afternoon might 
 I hope, be accounted one of worship. Several young 
 ministers appeared sweetly in their Master's cause, 
 and that mother in Israel, Esther Tuke, was also well 
 engaged. After these offerings M. Proud rose, and 
 beautifully began what I expected would be an en- 
 larged testimony, but after standing only about ten 
 minutes in gospel authority, she closed in the very 
 
l&O THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 
 
 spot that one of the poorest sisters was dipped into, so 
 the sentence remained, as it were, to be finished ; and 
 whether rightly concluded by me or not, is not my 
 place to determine; but I trust the wing of heavenly 
 love overshadowed some minds, and that this sepa- 
 rating season was a fresh confirmation that gracious 
 regard is continued to a church so abundantly favour- 
 ed as ours has been and still is. 
 
 66 After parting with many Friends who had been 
 made renewedly dear to us, we remained in this hos- 
 pitable mansion, (William Tuke's,) not feeling ready 
 to depart; and indeed my spirit has been afresh led to 
 feel after the right way to move hence, and I hope a 
 little light hath shone upon our proceeding on second 
 day to Leeds, where a Meeting is appointed to be 
 held that afternoon, and one next day at Bradford, 
 after which we expect to go on to Kendal. 
 
 " When this conclusion was come to, the weight of 
 another matter, respecting which I had been feeling, 
 so increased that it seemed best to mention the pros- 
 pect of having a Public Meeting in this place, (York ;) 
 W. and E. Tuke feelingly entered into the concern, 
 saying they had expected it, which felt encouraging to 
 my mind. The Meeting with Friends on first day 
 morning was a season of liberty honestly to labour, 
 and at five o'clock a very large number of those not 
 professing with us gave us their company, the house 
 being nearly filled. A covering of solemnity early 
 prevailed, under which there was an engagement to 
 approach the throne of grace, and supplicate for abili- 
 ty acceptably to worship, after which dear Esther 
 Tuke explained the doctrines of truth with great clear- 
 ness and authority, and I trust their was an endea- 
 vour, upon the part of each of us, to move in the or- 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 121 
 
 der of our respective courses, whereby the harmony of 
 gospel labour was maintained ; and through merciful 
 assistance the Meeting terminated well, leaving upon 
 our minds a humbling sense of gracious and unmerited 
 regard. 
 
 " We had a sweet season of retirement in the even- 
 ing with the little flock at our comfortable quarters, 
 they are a lovely set of girls, and favoured with great 
 advantages, in being under the superintendance of 
 such friends as W. and E. Tuke. 
 
 " We paid a very interesting visit to our valuable 
 friends Lindley and Hannah Murray, he is in a debi- 
 litated state of health, having been for a long time un- 
 able to walk or stand upright, except at a few inter- 
 vals ; at present his speech is so affected that he only 
 whispers; yet he looks well, and has a countenance 
 that would cheer one, indicating where he dwells, and 
 what consolation is the source of his support. He 
 cannot now attend Meetings, but rejoices to see his 
 Friends, as they well may to see him, for indeed it 
 felt to me that the Son of Peace was there, and had 
 sanctified those dispensations which would otherwise 
 be hard to bear. In a season of retirement after tea, 
 we were favoured to experience true Christian fellow- 
 ship, and our intercourse was attended with feelings 
 which are precious even in the retrospect. 
 
 " Second day, 10th mo. 1st. We left York, Henry 
 and Mabel Tuke going on with us to Leeds, where 
 we arrived in the afternoon. The appointed Public 
 Meeting was held at six o'clock in one of the most 
 commodious houses I have seen, it is a new one, cal- 
 culated to contain twelve hundred persons, and at this 
 time was thought to be nearly full, and a precious sea- 
 son it proved. 
 
 16 
 
123 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 
 
 *f Dear Sarah Lees met us here, and was first and 
 well concerned to draw the attention of the people 
 to that quietness which is so requisite as a preparation 
 for acceptable worship. Henry Tuke spoke after- 
 wards, on the subject of feeding the multitude, and I 
 believe the subsequent labour was thus made easier : 
 indeed it was scarcely labour in this Meeting, com- 
 pared with what is often the case, for the minds of the 
 people seemed so like prepared ground, that if a little 
 seed was handed by the good husbandman it felt plea- 
 sant work to drop it, and I trust all that fell that night 
 will not be lost. I have since heard that there are 
 many serious persons in this town; and within about 
 a year past, I think seven united to our Society from 
 among the Methodists. It was remarkable that the 
 line of expression ran mostly towards such as were 
 under divine visitation, but had not attained to a set- 
 tlement in religion. 
 
 " After the dispersion of the Public Meeting, Friends 
 were requested to remain, and here labour was expe- 
 rienced ; but in the gospel, because love was the cover- 
 ing, which induced ' plainness of speech,' and led to 
 pour forth humble supplication. 
 
 " Third day, Snd. Parting with dear H. and M. 
 Tuke, we set forward to an appointed Meeting at 
 Bradford, which proved a low exercising time; in the 
 afternoon dear Sarah Hustler took us in a carriage to 
 Keighley, where we lodged at an inn: next morning 
 we took leave of this precious young woman S. H. 
 and went on to Settle. Having felt about this place 
 before seeing it, we had a Meeting appointed and no- 
 tice circulated, so that with Friends and others a con- 
 siderable number were assembled by six o'clock, and 
 we were favoured with a solemn opportunity. 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 123 
 
 " Our kind friends John and Mary Birkbeck ac- 
 companied us next day to Kendal, which we reached 
 in time for the Select Meeting, and were kindly re- 
 ceived by John Wilson. 
 
 6( On sixth day the Quarterly Meeting was held, and 
 mercifully owned, by the spreading of the holy wing ; 
 though the last Meeting for worship, at six in the even- 
 ing, was an exercising season, I thought owing to the 
 lukewarmness of many, and revolting of others. In 
 both these general Meetings life felt in a state of op- 
 pression, but much honest labour was bestowed. Alice 
 Rigge, a mother in Israel, was engaged in a lively 
 manner, and Anthony Mason, who is bright and fruit- 
 ful at the advanced age of eighty-seven, cried aloud to 
 the careless ones. 
 
 " Seventh day was mostly occupied in calling on 
 Friends — one sick in body, several so in mind ; and 
 among individuals here, as in many other places, the 
 precious life is buried in visible things. 
 
 " First day, 7th. We went nine miles to Winder- 
 mere, where a Meeting is held twice in the year on a 
 fixed day, chiefly on account of the people who live 
 about there and incline to attend. Sarah Wilson and 
 several other Friends from Kendal, accompanied us ; 
 I believe it was felt by every sensible mind to be a so- 
 lemn, favoured season ; the extension of gospel love 
 being evident to those assembled, concerning some of 
 whom there is no doubt with me, the declaration of our 
 Lord will in His own time be accomplished, i them 
 also I must bring. 9 
 
 " We returned to Kendal to dinner, and having 
 mentioned to Friends there our view of having a Pub- 
 lic Meeting in the evening, we found notice had been 
 given. It was largely attended, and though the people 
 
1M THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 
 
 did not seem so like the prepared, or thirsty ground, 
 as in some other places, there was a solemn covering 
 felt increasingly to prevail over the assembled com- 
 pany ; and as there was an endeavour simply to move 
 and minister in the ability received, spiritual harmony 
 was maintained, and the season graciously owned ; so 
 that for this renewed unmerited favour, we had cause 
 to make the return of praise to Him who is for ever 
 worthy. 
 
 M After this the springs of nature were so run down, 
 that it seemed needful to rest a day for winding up 
 again, we therefore indulged part of second day, and 
 went to dine with George and Deborah Benson and 
 their large family, and called to see Robert Dodgson, 
 a valuable man in a very declining state of health, but 
 with a mind, I believe, resigned, and in good measure 
 prepared to be unclothed, if such be the divine will : it 
 was consoling thus to feel in our sitting with him, 
 which I hope was mutually refreshing. After tea, at 
 George Braithwaite's, where many kind friends met us, 
 a peculiarly solemn stillness occurred, not from any 
 plan, but like the wind blowing where, and how it 
 listeth ; and hearing the sound thereof, we were sweetly 
 gathered into pure silence, under which covering S. W. 
 supplicated for continued preservation, and I thought 
 the feeling of solemnity was thereby increased : she 
 has appeared only a few months in ministry. Several 
 others were engaged in testifying to the truth, as it is 
 in Jesus, and I was ready to hope it might be the ter- 
 mination of labour in this field ; but hearing of the 
 usual Meeting day being on the morrow, began to fear 
 that we might not be liberated, and so it proved. 
 
 " Third day was truly one of close exercise, but by 
 an endeavour to owe no man any thing, I hope there 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 125 
 
 was a clearing honestly out of this place, and was truly 
 glad we remained. In this, as well as other instances, 
 I found the use of a companion, for I should have tried 
 to escape this Meeting, if she had not been earnest for 
 staying. 
 
 " We went fifteen miles that afternoon, and on fourth 
 day morning proceeded to Penrith, where a Meeting 
 had been appointed for eleven o'clock; most of the 
 members were supposed to be present, and it was, upon 
 the whole, satisfactory. There, as in other parts, the 
 life of pure religion is low, but it is consoling that a 
 few are preserved living, and exercised on account of 
 the spiritually dead ; and I doubt not but the baptisms 
 of these are in degree availing ; that their prayers and 
 alms-deeds come up as a sweet memorial before the 
 throne, and find gracious acceptance. We spent the 
 afternoon, which proved a very wet one, with Friends 
 named Ritson, who entertained us in true kindness. 
 
 "Fifth day, the 11th. Rode eighteen miles of hilly 
 rough road, to Carlisle, where, next morning, we had 
 an appointed Meeting for Friends, but apprehend all 
 the members were not there ; it was a low, exercising 
 time. We did not feel satisfied to proceed before first 
 day, and spent part of seventh, in social intercourse 
 with our Friends. We lodged with dear Mary Richard- 
 son, who is lively in spirit and peaceful, though she 
 has had to partake of a bitter cup in the form of do- 
 mestic affliction ; she bears up wonderfully, and says 
 her mind was prepared for something trying before her 
 return from Ireland. 
 
 " First day, 14th. Attended the usual Meeting at 
 Carlisle, which was large, most of those in profession 
 with Friends and many not so being present. It was 
 a truly laborious time, and long before the spring of 
 
126 TflE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 
 
 liberty opened ; but when it did, relief of mind was 
 mercifully obtained, through an endeavour to discharge 
 manifested duty. Here, as well as in other places, 
 much rubbish is in the way, and there are but few 
 builders ; while it is to be feared the strength of some 
 burden- bearers is decayed. There feels a little life, 
 but a deal of death, so that the baptism of the living is 
 deep, and no doubt the query often arises, * What ad- 
 vantageth it us if the dead rise not ?' 
 
 u The uncertainty of our continuance in mutability 
 was at this season very awful to my mind, and the 
 necessity of preparation to mix with redeemed spirits 
 in the kingdom of purity renewedly impressed ;— to 
 draw from these solemn considerations, to present 
 other objects to the active mind of man, and centre in 
 that which gives temporary ease, remains the business 
 of the great adversary of our souPs happiness ; and, 
 alas ! how has he prevailed to the irretrievable loss of 
 many preciously visited minds. I thought I was fa- 
 voured to dip a little into a painful sense of these 
 things 5 and were all not only to dip into them, but 
 dwell under the impressions which are at times merci- 
 fully made upon their hearts, more hope might be en- 
 couraged of the restoration of our Zion than there now 
 seems ground for. The Meeting concluded under a 
 humbling and thankful sense of unmerited regard ; and 
 we proceeded to Sykeside, near Kirk-Levington, where 
 there is a little settlement of Friends, and with some 
 difficulty, in bad road and after dark, arrived at our 
 lodging- place. 
 
 « Next day, 15th, had notice given of a Meeting to 
 be held at two o'clock in the afternoon, to which the 
 greater number who belong to it came, though very 
 busy about their harvest; several not in profession with 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 127 
 
 us also attended. It was a solemn season, and I hope 
 some were graciously recompensed for their dedication, 
 by the gentle descendings of heavenly love, which hath 
 sweetly gathered several of this little, and compara- 
 tively poor flock into the fold, where He who is their 
 holy leader and feeder keeps in a state of humble de- 
 pendance upon Himself. There was far more liberty 
 for the gospel to be preached here than in many other 
 places, for although the cares of this life have, (if the 
 snare be not guarded against,) a tendency to choke the 
 good seed, I am ready to think the glories of the pre- 
 sent world have settled many in so high and exalted a 
 situation, that with such, as on the mountains of Gilboa, 
 there is less of an opening into the fields of offering, 
 than amongst those who not finding a great deal of en- 
 joyment in visible things, feel in want of rest for their 
 souls; and being weary and heavy laden are of the 
 number to whom the gracious invitation of the Saviour 
 extends. The countenances of some of these simple 
 ones cheered my heart, which is indeed often sad, and 
 I was glad we had the opportunity of beholding and 
 feeling with them : a fine old man, a minister, belong- 
 ing to that Meeting, accompanied us on third day morn- 
 ing, and we reached Hawick in Scotland, the following 
 evening. 
 
 " Our road led through a beautiful country and a 
 diversity of pleasing scenes ; sometimes between lofty 
 hills or mountains, with the river Tiviot winding 
 through the fruitful valleys; at other times in view of 
 finely cultivated plantations, and substantial seats of 
 the affluent inhabitants, with the comfortable though 
 more humble dwellings of the laborious farmers, 
 whose various toil might instruct an attentive !»Jndj 
 that there is no time for idleness, if the ground of the 
 
128 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 
 
 heart require as much cultivation and care as are ap- 
 parently needful in the outward. 
 
 " After we had rode a few miles from Hawick, on 
 fifth day morning, we met dear Margaret Anderson 
 going towards Carlisle; but like one who felt some- 
 thing of that truth < as iron sharpeneth iron so a man 
 sharpeneth the countenance of his friend, 7 she had the 
 chaise turned, and went back with us the seventeen 
 miles she had travelled, and after dining at Ancram, 
 we were favoured to arrive at her hospitable dwelling 
 at Kelso, in the evening. The next afternoon, a 
 Meeting was held for the inhabitants, but not very 
 largely attended; our guide and valuable friend James 
 Graham had good service in it; and I expect his mind 
 was relieved by the opportunity, as the chief weight 
 seemed to have fallen upon him. 
 
 (i After taking tea at Jane Waldie's a season of re- 
 ligious retirement in her family, proved one of peculiar 
 solemnity: her son, about twenty-two years of age, is 
 likely to be taken from her by a consumption : he does 
 not appear much like a Friend, but seems brought to 
 a state of still, patient resignation, wherein I do hope 
 he has, under this dispensation, been mercifully in- 
 structed, and that heavenly regard is sweetly manifest- 
 ed towards him, preparing for the awful change. We 
 were sensible in this visit of the renewings of that fel- 
 lowship, wherein there is not only a rejoicing in one 
 another's joy, but a bearing each other's burdens. 
 
 " The usual Meeting, on first day morning, was at- 
 tended by many others besides Friends, though no no- 
 tice had been circulated, and proved a season of divine 
 favour. I believe there were several feeling and 
 awakened minds present, who, if they are but willing 
 to centre deeply enough into quietness, will experi- 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 129 
 
 ence a state of true settlement. But alas ! many, who 
 are at times enlightened to behold that path which < the 
 vulture's eye hath not seen, 7 are unwilling to part with 
 those things which are for a prey, and therefore know 
 not an establishment in the peace and rest that attend 
 the submissive soul. 
 
 "Not feeling relieved by this Meeting, we had 
 another appointed for the afternoon, which was largely 
 attended by persons of various denominations, and 
 proved a season of much gospel liberty; one wherein 
 we were renewedly taught, that those who trust in the 
 extension of holy help need not be dismayed; for let 
 their endeavours be ever so feeble to promote His 
 blessed cause, the Lord is able to supply all deficien- 
 cies, as well as graciously willing to forgive all trans- 
 gressions. At the close, Friends were desired to keep 
 their seats, which gave us an opportunity of imparting 
 what we apprehended was their due : there are but 
 few in membership, and perhaps not all of these really 
 initiated into the fold, by spiritual baptism. 
 
 "A hopeful man, who atteuds Meetings, resides 
 about three miles from Kelso, at a place called Roxbo- 
 rough, whither I found my mind attracted before I 
 knew it was a village, or that he lived in that direc- 
 tion. We went there on second day morning, and 
 having hinted our feelings to J. C. the preceding even- 
 ing, he had prepared a school room, near his own 
 house, where, in a short time, a considerable number 
 collected ; and we were favoured with a solemn reliev- 
 ing Meeting, and after a little visit to J. C. ? s family 
 returned peaceably to Kelso. 
 
 a In the evening we had a time of religious retire- 
 ment with dear Margaret Anderson and her children, 
 wherein we were afresh owned by the overshadowing 
 17 
 
130 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 
 
 of divine goodness, and she solemnly returned the sa- 
 crifice of praise. This kind Friend concluded to pro- 
 ceed on her journey the next morning, as we did on 
 ours, and we parted under feelings of near sympathy 
 and love : she had, at the time we met her, left home 
 with a certificate to visit a few Meetings in Cumber- 
 land; and had we known this, I believe we should 
 hardly have been willing for her to return, though be- 
 ing a little together proved mutually pleasant. 
 
 "When we arrived at Edinburgh, on fourth day, 
 we found our dear friends I. and J. J. and A. T. 
 which was truly gratifying; they had been at Or. Mil- 
 ler's a week, but inclined to wait for us. 
 
 " 5th day, 25th. We all sat their usual Meeting, 
 and afterwards an adjournment of the Monthly 
 Meeting; there were appointments to visit two, who 
 had applied for Membership, in both of which we 
 united, and in the subsequent conference: — here, as 
 in other places, the language may truly arise, 'the 
 fathers where are they? So few, almost every where, 
 being qualified to administer help or consolation to 
 enquiring visited minds, for want of seeking them- 
 selves to be renewedly supplied with heavenly virtue, 
 
 u Since being in this city I trust we have endea- 
 voured honestly to move in the line of apprehended 
 duty, though our lot has been in a peculiar manner 
 exercising. The Meetings on first day were low , but 
 little verbal communication : several not in profes sion 
 with Friends were there; and at our lodgings, in 
 the evening, we had the company of most of ourl so- 
 ciety residing here, besides several students from the 
 college. 
 
 " On third day we held a public Meeting, whMch 
 was very largely attended by persons of various c l ie- 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 131 
 
 scriptions; and through gracious unmerited regard it 
 was, I trust, a satisfactory season, owned by the influ- 
 ence of divine love, and terminating under a precious 
 seuse of inward peace. We took tea with a family 
 not in profession with us, who were desirous of our 
 company, and were afterwards favoured with a solemn 
 season, wherein, I hope, we partook together of a lit- 
 tle i of that bread which cometh down from heavenf 
 and when this is obtained how do the barriers of 
 names and distinctions fall under the prevalence of 
 that feeling which breathes 6 Good will towards all 
 men? 
 
 " We went next day to Dalkeith, and held a Meet- 
 ing in the Mason's Lodge, which was largely attend- 
 ed : there are no Friends there, but many Methodists, 
 several of whom were present. Some of the audience 
 seemed scarcely in a state to have the gospel preached 
 to them, however, even on this occasion, we had cause 
 to speak well of His name who furnishes strength ac- 
 cording to the day. 
 
 66 The usual Meeting at Edinburgh on fifth day, 
 proved one of more relief to my mind than any former 
 sitting of the same sort; and in the evening a public 
 Meeting was held in the new town, for which, after 
 considerable exertion, the Circus was obtained : it was 
 largely attended by the genteel inhabitants, and I hope 
 proved satisfactory. 
 
 " First day, my dear companion and I were unable to 
 attend either Meeting, having both suffered considerable 
 indisposition for many days; yet we had religious sit- 
 tings in several families, times of conference, &c, and 
 on second day, the 5th of 11 mo. left Edinburgh, which 
 had been a place of peculiarly laborious exercise, and 
 one wherein the necessity of obeying the sacred injunc 
 
132 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII, 
 
 tion to < watch, 9 was renewedly and deeply impressed, 
 under the feeling that, although good seed may be 
 sown in the field of the heart, yet, while men sleep, 
 the enemy industriously improves the unguarded sea- 
 son, and sows his tares, endeavouring to defeat the 
 Lord's gracious design and prevent intended produce. 
 
 " We arrived at Perth on third day evening, and 
 after trying at six inns to gain admittance, we obtain- 
 ed accommodations at a small one, where the people 
 were very civil and gave us a dry bed ; the town be- 
 ing thronged on account of some local circumstance^ 
 occasioned the difficulty in procuring lodging. A few 
 persons who are thought to be in some measure con- 
 vinced of our principles, residing in this place, we ap- 
 pointed ten o'clock next morning to meet with them at 
 our inn ; seven came, and 1 hope this opportunity was 
 not void of instruction to them or us, nor what was 
 communicated such as would do harm. There seems a 
 work begun in their minds, though still in a state of 
 infancy, but considering how they are situated, it is 
 wonderful that even so much fruit of a divine visitation 
 is to be traced as is really the case; and knowing that 
 He who hath visited is able to complete the work, I 
 trust something may in due season spring up to His 
 praise. 
 
 " We felt nothing further to bind us at Perth, than 
 the visit to this little plantation ; and having for some 
 time past been sensible of somewhat like a cloud in- 
 tercepting the remaining Meetings of Friends in this 
 nation from my view, and now a ray of light shining 
 on the way towards Portpatrick, I believed it safest 
 to follow this, and after a solemn season at parting 
 with dear I. and J. J. and A. T. they pursued their 
 course towards Aberdeen, and we set out for Glasgow, 
 
1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 133 
 
 travelling over some of the roughest road I ever en- 
 countered, through Dunblane, Stirling, &c. Being de- 
 tained the whole of seventh day for want of a car- 
 riage, (extremely heavy rain rendered it unfit to use 
 our chaise,) we did not reach our place of destination 
 till first day afternoon. 
 
 " We had heard of two persons who met together, 
 before the Meeting House belonging to Friends at 
 Glasgow was sold, and on enquiring for these, disco- 
 vered two more, with all of whom we had a season of 
 religious retirement, which proved one of memorable 
 instruction to my tried mind, and I hope of some profit 
 to those present. Although in degree relieved, a 
 weight remained on me which prevented my feeling at 
 liberty to move forward ; but on second day morning, 
 those we had sat with all came to take leave of us, and 
 I then understood the occasion of this pressure; and 
 after communicating what I considered to be my duty 
 towards them, felt clear to proceed. We got on 
 twenty-one miles to Kilmarnock that evening, next day 
 to Girvan, and on fourth day the fourteenth to a place 
 called Stranraer six miles from Portpatrick. 
 
 "Being informed that the packet was to sail at 
 three o'clock on fifth day, we went forward about 
 noon, but on arriving found no one was inclined to 
 venture out, as the wind blew almost tempestuously, 
 and the sea looked terrific. We got pretty well ac- 
 commodated at this village, and the wind lowering we 
 were told in the morning that a vessel was about to 
 sail that afternoon, we therefore got ready, feeling easy 
 to embark, though with the prospect of a tossing pass- 
 age : but going home rendered this less formidable, 
 and hitherto every step towards Ireland has felt 
 peaceful, which is indeed cause of humble admiration 
 
134 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 
 
 at the dealings of divine goodness. When this pros- 
 pect opened some weeks ago, it was attended with 
 such feelings as I still believe had not their origin in 
 natural affection; which, without something deeper, 
 might prove fallacious ; but were of that mercy, which 
 beholding it enough, graciously released from this em- 
 bassy and permitted a return to different, though per- 
 haps not less, exercise in the land of my residence. 
 
 " Though greatly tossed and very sick, we had what 
 may be termed a favourable passage, of three hours 
 and twenty minutes, for which I trust we were humbly 
 thankful ; we could not obtain lodging at the inn, the 
 whole house being engaged, therefore though very unfit 
 to take such a ride, and much in want of rest, we pro- 
 ceeded ten miles to Milecross, where we arrived about 
 seven o'clock, and met a cordial reception from Tho- 
 mas Bradshaw and his family. 
 
 "We attended their usual Meeting on first day, and 
 having felt what I judged it would be wrong wholly 
 to suppress towards the inhabitants of Newtown, one 
 mile distant, I mentioned it to our Friends here, and 
 on third day T. B. with a Friend from Lisburn, went 
 to Newtown, and obtained the use of the Assembly- 
 room ; but deemed it best not to circulate notice till the 
 next morning, and it was well they formed this conclu- 
 sion, as on fourth day there was such a violent storm 
 of wind and rain, as rendered it very improbable that 
 many would come out ; and though I very reluctantly 
 yielded to the detention, I had reason to be more than 
 reconciled to the disappointment, by the usual week 
 day Meeting at Milecross being a season of solemnity 
 and favour to myself; and, I hope, a time of profit to 
 some others. So that there is cause still to trust in the 
 Lord, and endeavour to do what little we can, the 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 135 
 
 promise being from time to time graciously accom- 
 plished, 'verily thou shalt be fed, 7 with such a portion 
 of peace as a wise Master sees meet to support the 
 mind, aud excite a willingness to endure further con- 
 flict. 
 
 " On fifth day, at eleven o'clock, the Meeting was 
 held at Newtown, aud attended by a large number 
 who behaved iu a remarkably solid manner ; indeed 
 such a solemnity prevailed as is seldom known in 
 Meetings of this sort, so that it proved what may be 
 thankfully denominated a favoured season; tending to 
 the relief of our minds, aud I hope the instruction of 
 others, aud was a compensation for much previous 
 suffering and exercise. This seems like another woe 
 being past, for such prospects try my poor frame and 
 mind, beyond what I could easily set forth ; and the 
 fear lest the holy, precious cause, should suffer rather 
 than be promoted, is awfully felt by one who has in- 
 deed occasion to marvel why so weak a creature should 
 be thus led. 
 
 " We had a solid time of religious retirement that 
 evening, in T. B.'s family, and next morning he ac- 
 companied us to Lambeg, where we lodged ; seventh 
 day proceeded to John Conran's; Sarah Harrison and 
 Sarah Benson also arriving there soon after. We all 
 went to Ballinderry Meeting next day, after which I 
 became so much indisposed as to think it proper to 
 give up to take some little care of myself, which I was 
 favourably situated for doing; dear Louisa Conran 
 acting like a kind sister, and ministering to my wants 
 every way in her power. 
 
 " Fifth day, 29th. We attended Meeting at Lisburn, 
 which proved a truly exercising season I believe to 
 every feeling mind ; no voice was heard but that of 
 
136 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 
 
 dear S. Harrison, who expressed a few sentences in a 
 close line near the conclusion. 
 
 " Seventh day we went to Lurgan, where we found 
 our dear friend James Christy confined to his bed, and 
 suffering from acute pain, the nature of which is not 
 clearly ascertained ; but his mind is sweetly composed 
 and resigned, indeed wonderfully supported, for which 
 he expressed himself grateful, though sensible of being 
 unworthy. 
 
 " The Quarterly Select Meeting was held that af- 
 ternoon; the usual one on first day morning was one 
 of close exercise, and wholly silent: in the evening 
 some liberty was experienced, and more of a consoling 
 hope, that although so much death prevails, life is not 
 entirely lost in our Israel, nor the prospect of its in- 
 crease altogether withdrawn. 
 
 {i In this Meeting I was satisfied at our detention, 
 but know not whether others were ; however, if a little 
 peace be obtained it is enough, and I do desire to take 
 this feeling home with me, after an embassy which has, 
 on various accounts, been peculiarly exercising. 
 
 « The Meetings for discipline occupied the whole of 
 second day, and on third, one for worship was solemn 
 and satisfactory. In the evening we were favoured at 
 our lodgings with being refreshed together in the fel- 
 lowship of the gospel, and on the following morning 
 set forward, accompanied by four Friends of Ulster 
 province, besides five from Dublin, who had come to 
 attend the Quarterly Meeting. As we advanced to- 
 wards Dundalk, which was the place of our resting for 
 the night, 1 felt a weight on my mind, under the ap- 
 prehended discovery that there was something here to 
 be visited, and on entering the town believed it would 
 be my lot to appoint a Meeting. 
 
1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 137 
 
 " I did not reveal this fresh and unexpected exer- 
 cise to any one, until the morning ; when after endea- 
 vouring in solitude to acquiesce in this unfolding, and 
 desiring resignation to do the day's work in the day 
 time, I mentioned the subject to my ten friends, and 
 they encouraging me to faithfulness, a place was sought 
 for; and the Sessions-house being procured, a consi- 
 derable number assembled at eleven o'clock, and we 
 were so favoured with the overshadowing of the holy 
 wing, that I trust the minds of many were gathered 
 into a state fitted to receive the counsel given to im- 
 part ; and for this renewed manifestation of unmerit- 
 ed love and mercy, my spirit was bowed in reverent 
 gratitude to our almighty and unfailing helper." 
 
 This being the last Meeting of which there is any 
 account in connection with the present journey, it is 
 presumed that she went on without further detention, 
 reaching Dublin on seventh day, the 8th of 12mo. 
 where she met her husband, and returning with him 
 to their own habitation obtained the rest and care 
 which her exhausted frame was greatly in need of. — 
 My dear mother travelled in this engagement about 
 two thousand miles by land, and crossed the sea six 
 times. 
 
 18 
 
138 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 Visit to North and South Wales, Bristol, and some parts 
 of Lancashire. 1793. 
 
 SOON after getting home, my dear mother was 
 cheered by having the society of her highly esteemed 
 friend Samuel Emlen under her own roof, who, in the 
 course of a religious visit to Ireland, was at Clonmel 
 about the end of the year 179&. — In the 2d or 3d mo. 
 following she also met with this beloved friend in 
 Cork, whither she felt her mind attracted, and they 
 were mutually comforted by the opportunity of uniting 
 together in the attendance of Meetings, and visiting 
 some of the families of Friends, in that city. But it 
 was not long before a more extensive prospect opened 
 to the view of this diligent and devoted handmaid ; 
 and she laid before her Monthly and Quarterly Meet- 
 ings a concern to visit Friends, and appoint Public 
 Meetings in North and South Wales, and some parts 
 of England contiguous to the Principality. 
 
 In returning from Youghal, where the Quarterly 
 Meeting was held, and her certificate endorsed, she 
 met with a dangerous accident by the oversetting of 
 the chaise in which she and her husband travelled ; 
 and, though no fracture occurred, the injury was such 
 as to produce considerable suffering, and render seve- 
 ral weeks confinement to her chamber necessary ; and 
 indeed she was in a very delicate state of health upon 
 leaving home in the 8th mo. 
 
 Sarah Shackleton was again her affectionate com- 
 
1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 139 
 
 panion in this journey, and her friend and relative 
 John Grubb, kindly offering his services as an attend- 
 ant, she deemed herself favourably provided for. 
 They sailed from Waterford to Milford, landing after 
 a good passage on the evening of the 10th of 8th mo. 
 1793. The following account of this mission is ex- 
 tracted from my dear mother's letters. 
 
 "On first day the 11th. We sat down with most 
 of the little colony here, (Milford,) which consists of 
 seven families, and hope the season proved measura- 
 bly a Meeting of worship, and that under solemn pre- 
 paration some of their minds were a little encouraged, 
 and gospel fellowship experienced. 
 
 " On second day we went to Robinson-hall, where 
 several families of Friends reside ; and, after seeing 
 the whole of these new settlers, I should have gladly 
 felt liberty to proceed ; but from the time of landing 
 at Huberston, I had felt about the people there, and 
 every other movement looked clouded till this was out 
 of the way. I informed my friends of the prospect, 
 and a large School-room at the Packet-house being 
 readily granted for the purpose, a Meeting was ap- 
 pointed there for six o'clock on third day evening, and 
 very largely attended; so that many could not be ac- 
 commodated with seats and were obliged to stand 
 about the door. The greater number appeared solid 
 and attentive, and a covering of solemnity, which 
 through mercy was early spread over us, so increased, 
 as to incite humble thankfulness to Him who conti- 
 nues to be a helper in the needful time. 
 
 " From the attendant feelings, I rather hoped that 
 there were those present to whom the gospel might be 
 preached, and whose hearts assented to the purity of 
 its doctrines; though perhaps the terms whereon its 
 
140 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 
 
 glorious privileges are to be obtained might appear 
 hard. For such as these a secret travail was felt, and 
 oh ! that it may be availingly raised in themselves, 
 until that which opposeth the sway of pure truth is 
 removed, and by a submission to the discoveries of 
 heavenly light, the superiority and excellency thereof 
 may not only be discovered, but a willingness wrought 
 to sell all in order to purchase a possession herein. 
 The landlady of the inn behaved with great kindness 
 to us, provided a nice supper and good beds for us, 
 and several others who remained, and in the morning 
 refused to take any payment for the accommodation, 
 expressing her satisfaction with the Meeting and our 
 company. 
 
 " 5th day. We sat the usual Meeting with Friends, 
 which I hope was, to some, a season of instruction, 
 though little was communicated in words. Next 
 morning we had a Meeting appointed at Robinson- 
 hall, and notice having been given, several not in pro- 
 fession attended, besides most of the Friends from 
 Milford. This season was memorably owned by gra- 
 cious regard, nothing being felt to oppose that liberty 
 which the gospel spirit produced ; and I think this sit- 
 ting was the crown to the present little visit, and left 
 us in possession of that peace wherein we could com- 
 fortably proceed on our way. 
 
 " Several Friends from Milford accompanied us to 
 Haverfordwest that afternoon, where we were kindly 
 received by Jane Lewis; and at six o'clock sat down 
 with the few Friends in the town, some others also 
 joining us ; it was a low silent Meeting : but a season 
 long to be remembered ensued after supper, at the sor- 
 rowful widow's, who seems to come under the descrip- 
 tion the Apostle Paul gives of that state, I hope in the 
 
1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 141 
 
 whole of it, 'she that is a widow indeed and desolate, 
 trusteth in God,' &c. Near sympathy was felt with 
 this dear Friend, and I trust her tried mind was a little 
 comforted and encouraged. 
 
 " On seventh day morning heavy rain opposed our 
 departure, and perhaps this reconciled to standing still 
 in a deeper sense, resigned to further discoveries of 
 duty: towards evening it cleared, but it was only out- 
 wardly, the cloud remaining on the tabernacle, so that 
 journeying forward would not have been safe. 
 
 " The Meeting on first day morning was attended by 
 persons of different denominations, and proved a truly 
 solemn one, being sensible of rather unusual liberty, 
 such as confirmed the belief that in most places there 
 are inquiring minds, to whom the gospel may be preach- 
 ed, though a willingness to come under its pure govern- 
 ment is not effected in them. — We had the Afternoon 
 Meeting deferred to six o'clock, and notice circulated 
 among the inhabitants, a large number of whom were 
 present, and an appearance of general solidity prevail- 
 ed, though the season was for a long time laborious, 
 which was felt to be occasioned by ignorance of spiritual 
 worship ; but I hope the veil was a little rent from some 
 minds before we separated, and the way no longer deem- 
 ed heresy wherein we worship. 
 
 " I often think it is a great favour when life is felt 
 to increase in these assemblies; for while I apprehend 
 this very arduous line is that of my duty, earnest is my 
 desire to be kept from doing harm, or through mistaken 
 zeal for its prosperity, injuring the precious cause. 
 There seems a double guard requisite on such occa- 
 sions, lest, from the thirst prevalent in the minds of the 
 people, any thing not divinely consecrated should be 
 administered ; as on the other hand there is danger that 
 
14£ THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII, 
 
 the smallness of the provision, in its first appearance, 
 should prevent resignation to go forth with it, and so 
 the designed portion be withheld : but if we are merci- 
 fully kept watchful, how does the pointing of the Mas- 
 ter's hand clearly direct the track, so that in humble 
 admiration, and a sense of His gracious help, it may 
 be reverently acknowledged that although He leads the 
 Mind by a way that they knew not. He continueth to 
 make darkness light before them, and crooked things 
 straight. — The Moravian bishop Henry Sulger, was 
 at this Meeting, and he and his wife called on us in the 
 evening and manifested affectionate kindness towards 
 us : his brother had been our very kind friend and in- 
 terpreter in Switzerland, of which I told him. 
 
 " Second day morning, after some preparation for 
 departure, we were favoured with a solemn season at 
 our friend J. L.'s, and under a renewed sense of divine 
 mercy parted with several who had been made dear in 
 the covenant of love and life, and arrived at a place 
 called St. Clear's to lodge. Here I passed a thought- 
 ful night, feeling my mind drawn to Llangharn, a little 
 town three miles distant, where there is a Meeting- 
 house belonging to Friends, but none resident. How- 
 ever, on going there the people seemed pleased with 
 the prospect, and cheerfully circulated notice of a Meet- 
 ing to be held at four o'clock. 
 
 "The house, which is capable of accommodating 
 about two hundred, gradually filled, and many collect- 
 ed about the door : the solidity which prevailed during 
 nearly an hour's silence was extraordinary ; and when 
 liberty to speak was experienced, the feeling was very 
 different to what is witnessed when the thirst is for 
 words only; for the minds of many felt like ground 
 drinking in rain, so that entrance was sensibly ad mi 
 
1793.] MAKY DUDLEY. 143 
 
 nistered to the truths of the gospel, according to the 
 ability communicated to preach it. When Meeting 
 concluded the people seemed unwilling to withdraw, 
 and were so kindly affectionate in their manner as to 
 seem like old acquaintance. 
 
 " We proceeded on fourth day morning to Carmar- 
 then, where we held a Meeting with an unsettled sort 
 of people, to whom true godliness was indeed a mys- 
 tery, and likely so to remain until the veil of prejudice 
 be taken away. On reaching Llandilo fifth day to 
 dinner, we heard of an old Friend residing about half 
 a mile distant, and went in rain to see her, she was 
 named Bowen, upwards of an hundred years of age, 
 and with her son, an elderly man that had married 
 from among Friends, lived in a little farm-house. The 
 poor old Friend seemed pleased to see us, but was so 
 deaf that it appeared useless to attempt expression, we 
 therefore left a note conveying what had been our feel- 
 ings while in her chamber. 
 
 "We arrived at Swansea on sixth day evening, 
 where a friendly, solid looking young woman soon 
 came to us, and requested us to go with her to tea : we 
 found her mother and sister very kindly disposed, 
 though neither of them profess as we do : this young 
 person went to Meetings here from a secret attraction 
 in her own mind, and, though sometimes quite alone, 
 has continued to do so about three years : she appears 
 rightly convinced, and is, I believe, desirous to abide 
 under the converting power of truth. 
 
 " Feeling inclined to sit with the few Friends in this 
 place, we had a Meeting on seventh day morning, 
 which proved satisfactory, though the doctrine opened 
 in a close line to the mere professors of pure truth, of 
 which class it seemed to us, most present were. The 
 
1M THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 
 
 young woman before mentioned felt near to us, and I 
 hope she was a little encouraged by this visit. 
 
 " We went forward to Pyle, aiming at Cardiff for 
 •first day ; but not getting on as fast as we had expect- 
 ed, we did not reach it until the afternoon. My com- 
 panions going in search of the few in profession with 
 us, found a valuable old Friend, Elizabeth Edwards, 
 who, though very infirm, came to the inn, rejoiced to 
 see Friends, and with her and our own little band we 
 had a sweetly refreshing season in the evening. 
 
 " Though not clearly in prospect upon leaving Clon- 
 mel, I could now see no way but going to Bristol, the 
 place of my nativity, where some of my bitterest draughts 
 were administered, and I hope not altogether unprofit- 
 ably taken ; this felt much in the cross, and I came, not 
 knowing what shall befal me, save that bonds and af- 
 flictions assuredly await. 
 
 " We crossed the new passage on third day the £7th 
 of 8th mo., and on landing found Gr. H. and G. W., 
 the latter employed by Thomas Rutter to conduct us 
 to his house, where we met a cordial reception. 
 
 " Fifth day evening we attended the Meeting which 
 was formerly held on sixth day morning, it was silent, 
 and proved to me the beginning of sorrows here, giving 
 some little perception of the oppressed state of the seed 
 in this great city. First day was deeply trying through- 
 out, in the morning I obtained but little relief: the 
 Meeting in the afternoon was heavy and silent, that in 
 the evening large, exercising, and laborious ; the people 
 seemed full, and are, I believe, of ten filled ; however, 
 it felt to me that medicine rather than cordials was ne- 
 cessary, and I found it no easy matter to administer 
 what was given in commission ; but deem it an abun- 
 dant mercy to feel the sacrifice graciously accepted. 
 
1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 145 
 
 Oh ! may we never turn back in the day of battle, 
 though giants may be in the land, but trust in Him 
 who proves the bow and battle-axe to His poor little 
 ones ; and while all the qualification, and strength to 
 use spiritual weapons come from Him, graciously en- 
 courages to future combat by incomes of heart-settling 
 peace. 
 
 " I should have rejoiced could we have left things 
 thus, and proceeded on second day, but light did not 
 spring up. We attended Meeting again on third day, 
 and next morning went to Frenchay, where notice had 
 been previously sent : the Meeting there proved solemn 
 and instructive, and though the line of duty was close, 
 I hope some were renewedly encouraged to trust and 
 not be afraid. 
 
 " The usual Meeting in Bristol on 5th day evening 
 was memorably relieving, though laborious exercise was 
 my portion ; it felt a thorough clearing out so far as 
 respected Friends, but a pressure which I had at times 
 been under since getting here, so increased, that I ven- 
 tured to have a Public Meeting appointed for the next 
 afternoon. This was largely attended ; many serious 
 persons, and among them a great number of Methodists, 
 were present, and the season was early owned with a 
 covering of solemnity gathering into solid attention, 
 under which4he labour felt easier than on some similar 
 occasions, and the hope was excited, that, whether 
 much or any good effect was produced by this sacrifice 
 of the will or not, the precious cause of truth was not 
 injured : a cause which is indeed worthy the surrender 
 of the natural life, if this were called for. After Meet- 
 ing many of my old acquaintance kindly waited to 
 speak to me. By the appearance of some, it is evident 
 that the world has not lost its attraction; this is sor* 
 19 
 
1-46 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 
 
 rowfully the case with those? under every denomina- 
 tion, in whom the seed of the kingdom does not take 
 root for want of depth of earth ; but there are some 
 among the different names to religion, who, I hope, 
 will become fruitful, if after having enquired what is 
 truth? they are prevailed upon to wait for such an an- 
 swer as will settle their minds in the right path.— My 
 spirit nearly saluted some of this description, and se- 
 cretly travailed for their help ; but alas ! the cross re= 
 mains a stumbling block to many visited minds, and 
 the simplicity of truth foolishness. 
 
 " Being now sensible of release, and favoured with 
 that peace which is the gift of divine compassion, leav- 
 ing this place felt pleasant, and Olveston Meeting pre- 
 senting for first day, we left the city on seventh day 
 afternoon the 7th of 9th mo. ; and lodged at the house 
 of Daniel and Joan Holbrow, the latter being an old 
 and long beloved friend of mine, it was mutually plea- 
 sant to meet, and once more enjoy a little of each other's 
 company.* Several Friends from Bristol joined us at 
 Olveston, and many not in profession with us also at- 
 tended the Meeting, which proved a solemn one : two 
 who appear rightly convinced of our principles were 
 present, and I trust a little instruction was profitably 
 sealed upon their minds. 
 
 " Second day was the Monthly Meeting, held at 
 Thornbury, to which we felt bound, and it was through- 
 out an exercising season ; but help being mercifully 
 afforded we had cause for thankfulness, and as we met 
 many Friends from the different particular Meetings, 
 
 * This was the Friend to whom the letters in the early part of 
 this volume were addressed—she joined our religious Society on 
 the ground of convincement a few years after my dear mother, and 
 was a steady and valuable character to advanced life. 
 
1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 147 
 
 it was a relieving opportunity. We returned to Tock- 
 ington to lodge, and on third day morning set out, ac- 
 companied by nine or ten Friends for the new passage ; 
 John Lury and another Friend crossed the water with 
 us, and when we got over one of our band went for- 
 ward about five miles, to Shire Newton to appoint a 
 Meeting for three o'clock. There are only three Friends 
 belonging to it, but the Meeting was attended by many 
 others, of the poorer class as to this world, but to whom 
 it felt that the gospel could be preached. 
 
 "There being no suitable lodging here, we judged 
 it better to return to the Passage-house, where we 
 were well accommodated, and hoped to proceed on 
 fourth day to the next Meeting, Pontypool; but as I 
 had felt about Cardiff, when there in our way to Bris- 
 tol, though without any clear opening to appoint a 
 Meeting, and the pressure reviving in such a manner 
 that all other movements became clouded, we concluded 
 to go thither, though at the cost of about twenty-four 
 miles of extra riding. 
 
 " We arrived at Cardiff on fourth day evening, and 
 finding a large room suitable for the purpose, had no- 
 tice circulated of a Meeting for ten o'clock on fifth day 
 morning; when a solid company collected with us, 
 among which was the minister of the parish, and many 
 Methodists. Through gracious condescension, the 
 season was memorably owned, to the thankful admira- 
 tion of our hearts; the people seemed to hear the truth 
 in the love of it, but oh ! what can be hoped for, when 
 that which will let remains untaken away: however, 
 if even one poor mind is a little instructed, may He 
 who is for ever worthy have all the praise. We had 
 afterwards a solemn season with three of our fellow 
 professors, and felt much sympathy with one who is, 
 
148 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 
 
 I believe, convinced in her judgment, loves friends, 
 and confesses this so far as to sit with the few in their 
 little Meetings here, but she stumbles at the cross. 
 
 i{ We proceeded on 6th day to Pontypool, and at 
 six o'clock that evening sat with the few Friends resi- 
 dent there. It was a trying time on account of the 
 lowness of the pure life; but a solemn season after 
 supper at our lodgings seemed as a refreshing brook 
 to our weary spirits. Feeling easy with respect to 
 this place, and the small meeting of Llanelthy about 
 ten miles distant, by a road nearly impassable for a 
 carriage, we left Pontypool on seventh day, got to 
 Monmouth to lodge, and concluded to have a Meeting 
 at our inn next morning. 
 
 " Hearing of a young woman, a Methodist, whom 
 Job Scott had seen and conversed with, we inclined 
 to have some of her company, and on telling her our 
 intention she appeared well pleased, and we retired to 
 a quiet chamber, where I think we were favoured with 
 that sacred unction which unites all the living, and 
 throws down the barriers of outward distinction. This 
 young woman appears solid, and acquainted with the 
 influence of good, but not sufficiently emptied of self, to 
 receive the kingdom as a little child ; but an openness 
 being felt towards her, I hope no harm was done in 
 communicating what arose, and we parted in that love 
 which it is refreshing to feel. 
 
 " We spent the remainder of the day at my bro- 
 ther's, and on second day morning the 16th, parted 
 from our dear attentive friend John Lury, he being 
 bound to Bristol Quarterly Meeting which began next 
 day, and we to pursue our journey; so without any 
 guide or companion, we proceeded to Hereford, ar- 
 rived there to dinner, and were a little puzzled which 
 
1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 149 
 
 way to steer afterwards, but we were favoured to reach 
 Leominster in safety, and not knowing any Friend 
 there, went to the inn which was recommended to us. 
 Cousin J. Gr. walking out after tea, found some kindly 
 disposed to entertain strangers, and we were affec- 
 tionately received and hospitably cared for, by three 
 children of dear Thomas Waring, who entered his 
 everlasting rest about four months since. A Meeting 
 was appointed for third day, to which, I believe, most 
 Friends came, and after a time of deep exercise, it was 
 graciously owned by the renewings of holy help, to the 
 humbling and relief of our minds. As our journey was 
 not likely to be much advanced by proceeding this 
 evening, and the weather became wet, we abode with 
 these dear Friends the remainder of the day, feeling 
 the sympathy of their spirits like a pleasant stream in 
 a land of drought. 
 
 " We have been in our travels through some parts, 
 much like poor pilgrims, Friends being so thinly scat- 
 tered in Wales, that except when our kind friend J, 
 Lury was with us, we have had to provide for our- 
 selves in every sense. We set forward fourth day 
 morning for the Pales Meeting, and travelled over a 
 very indifferent road, where we were in great danger 
 of being overset, but mercifully escaped any injury. 
 We arrived late in the evening, and found Rees and 
 Joan Bowen kindly disposed to do what they could to 
 accommodate us, and though much in the simplicity it 
 was truly pleasant to rest after hard labour. My 
 frame sensibly feels such constant exertion, but I am 
 through divine assistance sustained, my general health 
 is better than on leaving home, and I have not yet laid 
 by one day from travelling or Meeting. 
 
 " In consequence of a fair at Kineton, it was not 
 
150 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 
 
 practicable to hold a Meeting fifth day; the next beiug 
 their usual time, we had notice sent to Friends residing 
 in different directions, and also among the inhabitants 
 generally ; and though a time of close exercise, this 
 Meeting proved solemn and relieving to our minds. 
 The number of Friends in these parts is small, and 
 that of deeply exercised members is only as one of a 
 family and two of a tribe; but these are worth visiting, 
 and among those of other denominations there are also 
 such as deserve notice, several of whom were at this 
 Meeting, and I believe felt a little strengthened. We 
 resumed our journey about four o'clock, and reached a 
 comfortable little inn in Radnorshire twelve miles dis- 
 tant, to lodge. 
 
 " Seventh day we encountered what is called thir- 
 teen miles, of some of the worst road I ever travelled, 
 being five hours in arriving at our place of destination, 
 but still we have to acknowledge the extension of pro- 
 tecting care, so that ourselves, chaise and horses, were 
 all sound on getting to Llanidloes in Montgomery- 
 shire. We lodged at an inn, very few Friends re- 
 siding in the town. The Meeting here on first day 
 morning was, through gracious condescension, a re- 
 markably invigorating season, feeling like the partici- 
 pation of such meat as the prophet went in the strength 
 of, many days. 
 
 "The Meeting here is held in a school-room, (no 
 house for the purpose being built,) which was closely 
 filled by those of different religious professions, seve- 
 ral of whom were very solid ; and the few Friends be- 
 longing to it are mostly of a description to whom, as 
 the Lord's poor, the gospel freely flowed. The after- 
 noon Meeting was silent, but one of instruction. There 
 are two men Friends in this small congregation in the 
 
1793.] MARY DUDLEY. . 151 
 
 ministry. We spent the whole day at the school, which 
 is kept for the benefit of the principality, and I appre- 
 hend supported by subscription, though such as can 
 afford it pay for their children. A Friend and his 
 wife from Lancashire, Robert and Mary Whitakcr, 
 are settled there, they are a steady valuable couple, 
 but feel discouragingly the difference between their 
 present and former situation ; we felt love and sym- 
 pathy towards them. 
 
 " 2nd day morning, 23d. We left Llanidloes with 
 peaceful minds, accompanied by two choice Friends 
 Richard Brown a minister, and his sister Mary Hunt, 
 an elder, both going to the Quarterly Meeting at 
 Shrewsbury, to which we felt attracted, and where 
 we were favoured to arrive in safety a little before the 
 time for Select Meeting on third day evening. We 
 were kindly received by dear John Young, and his 
 daughters Jane and Hannah, and comforted by the 
 sight of several old and beloved Friends ; among these 
 was Ann Summerland, who at that sitting, and in the 
 Quarterly Meeting next day, stood forth in the exer- 
 cise of her beautiful gift, a striking example of ver- 
 dure in the winter of eighty -jive. The little business 
 of this Quarterly Meeting being over, about two 
 o'clock, I ventured to disclose a prospect which nearly 
 from entering Shrewsbury had impressed my mind, 
 that of inviting the inhabitants to a Meeting in the 
 evening; and I think it may be thankfully acknow- 
 ledged that this season also was mercifully owned, by 
 divine power rising into dominion ; and a hope attend- 
 ed that this feeble effort to promote the precious cause 
 of truth and righteousness, would not prove wholly 
 unavailing. 
 
152 j THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 
 
 " We sat the usual Meeting with Friends on fifth 
 clay to our comfort, and afterwards proceeded to Cole- 
 brook Dale, whither my mind felt strongly attracted. 
 We reached the hospitable mansion of Abiah Darby 
 to tea, and found many dear Friends who staid the 
 evening ; she is very infirm, and mostly confined to 
 one room, but joined us at supper, and in a season of 
 retirement after, was engaged in solemn supplication 
 and praise. 
 
 " We had previously requested a Meeting might be 
 appointed at New Dale, for 6th day morning, and 
 many from the Old Dale accompanying us, it seemed 
 like visiting both Meetings ; and through the extension 
 of merciful regard, proved a memorable time : the con- 
 tinued willingness of the great Master being evident 
 even to bring back those who have halted, and such 
 as have been driven out by the enemy of all good. 
 Some of this description being present, earnest travail 
 on their account was afresh excited, and a few friendly 
 calls afterwards tended to additional relief. 
 
 "We proceeded that afternoon to Newport in 
 Shropshire, and on 7th day rode twenty-five miles to 
 Namptwich, where we attended Meeting on first day 
 morning; a laborious, heavy season, but towards the 
 last a little liberty was experienced. Feeling in haste 
 to get to Liverpool, we were easy to proceed on our 
 way, and arrived there the following evening It had 
 for several days appeared to me as if we were going 
 lo the funeral of dear Elizabeth Rathbone, and, find- 
 ing at Warrington a letter from my beloved friend, S. 
 Benson informing me that her precious sister's release 
 from suffering seemed near, it was no surprise to me 
 lo hear, on stopping at R. Benson's door, that she had 
 
1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 153 
 
 been some hours sweetly dismissed from this conflict- 
 ing state. We went to the house undetermined as to 
 staying, having received a kind invitation from Wil- 
 liam Rathbone to lodge ; but the affectionate solicitude 
 of R. and S. B. induced us to take up our residence 
 in this house of mourning, after being assured by dear 
 S. B. that she would not anxiously think about us., 
 but let us consider ourselves at home. 
 
 " Our dear departed friend was many months ill, 
 but preserved in sweet resignation and quietness of 
 mind, saying a short time before her departure, < My 
 work is done and I am ready.' 
 
 " Third day was the Monthly Meeting, which was 
 largely attended and a solemn, favoured time ; as was 
 also the Quarterly Meeting for this county, held on the 
 succeeding day, wherein gospel liberty was experienced, 
 and the current of life so flowed that I trust the ever 
 blessed name of our Redeemer was exalted. After 
 supper at R. Benson's there was a season of religious 
 retirement, in which, I believe, some minds felt re- 
 newedly strengthened under the sense of all-sufficient 
 help ; our dear friend R. Benson spoke instructively. 
 
 " Fifth day was the interment, which was largely 
 attended ; the pause at the grave side, and a Meeting 
 held subsequently, were times of solemnity and favour; 
 so that this beloved exemplary young woman was 
 owned in death, as well as approved in life. John 
 Thorpe was well engaged on this occasion, his minis- 
 try is uncommonly lively, sensible, and as dear Sa- 
 muel Emlen says, with \ holy pertinence' to the subject 
 in view. A large company returned to the house, and 
 after partaking of the bounties of heaven in a tempo- 
 ral sense, a season of divine refreshment succeeded, 
 wherein some young persons present were reminded of 
 20 
 
154 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIlIo 
 
 the precious counsel which the deceased had often given 
 them.* 
 
 " Having had a view before I came here, and being 
 since confirmed in the belief, that something was due 
 from me to the families of this Meeting, I ventured to 
 mention, after being altogether closed from public la- 
 bour on first day, that I believed it best to move in this 
 matter: and finding there were some other minds under 
 preparation for this service, the performance of it was 
 considerably lightened by the sympathy and united 
 exercise of several dear friends. Robert Benson kept 
 closely with us, and his valuable wife and S. Hadwin 
 occasionally joined. We broke off in order to attend 
 the Monthly Meeting held at Manchester the 15th of 
 10th mo. which proved a time of deep and painful feel- 
 ing ; but through the renewed extension of holy aid, 
 one of some relief, which I consider an abundant fa- 
 vour ; though in thus endeavouring to fill up the allotted 
 measure of suffering, no mighty works may be done. 
 The efforts of some are indeed very feeble, but if these 
 are only so preserved as at last to obtain that testimony, 
 she hath done what she could, it will be enough ; yea, 
 under such a prospect, the often tossed and weary spirit 
 may even repose : while in deep self-abasement the 
 acknowledgment of being an unprofitable servant is 
 renewedly made. But oh ! that unto Him who is able 
 to make up all deficiencies, praise may be ascribed both 
 here and everlastingly I" 
 
 After the family visit, my dear mother held a public 
 Meeting at Liverpool, which is stated to have been 
 large and favoured ; another at Prescot, for which the 
 use of the Sessions House was obtained ; and on the 
 
 * For an account of E. Rathbone, see " Piety Promoted,'- 
 Part 10th. 
 
1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 155 
 
 25th of 10th rao. was at Warrington, where, after hold- 
 ing a Public Meeting, she had a solemn and relieving 
 opportunity with her fellow professors. 
 
 She returned to Ireland in time to attend the Half 
 Year's Meeting in the eleventh month ; after which she 
 was favoured to reach her own habitation in better 
 health than she had left it, having accomplished an ex- 
 ercising journey of above three months. 
 
156 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX. 
 
 CHAPTER IX, 
 
 Visit to Leinster Province^ particularly the County of 
 Wexford, also Public Meetings in the County of Cork, 
 and Letter to the French Prisoners at Kinsale. 1794. 
 
 DURING the ensuing winter, my beloved mother 
 was mostly occupied in religious service within the 
 bounds of her own Quarterly Meeting, and early in 
 the spring she obtained a certificate for visiting Lein- 
 ster Province, expressing that in this concern her view 
 was much towards holding Meetings with those of 
 other religious denominations. Soon after avowing this 
 prospect she was taken very ill, and confined for many 
 weeks to her chamber, so that she did not enter upon 
 the engagement until after the National Meeting in 
 Dublin. While attending that solemnity, she felt her 
 mind impressed to have a Public Meeting in the city, 
 respecting which and subsequent religious service she 
 writes as follows : — 
 
 " I have frequently since coming here, feared 
 
 what is now come upon me, but waited for the conclu- 
 sion of the Meeting to have the matter matured. First 
 day was a time of arduous labour indeed, one wherein 
 I was once more helped to feel a little for the state of 
 the church, and relievingly to cast off some of the bur- 
 den under which I had been oppressed. Third day 
 sat the usual Meeting at Meath-street, and my view 
 being to the inhabitants of that neighbourhood, notice 
 was circulated for a Meeting at six o'clock in the even- 
 
179*.] MARY DUDLEY. 157 
 
 ing ; the house was entirely full, and such remarkable 
 solidity prevailed, that I am willing to trust the blessed 
 cause of truth was not dishonoured by this feeble at- 
 tempt to advocate it, though my mind was affected with 
 many fears, and earnest were my desires that the 
 Lord's power might so arise as to keep down all of 
 an opposing nature, which was in good measure the 
 case. M. Ridgway was at the Meeting, and though 
 silent, the sympathy of her spirit felt strengthening. 
 
 " I proceeded on fourth day morning to Ballitore, 
 attended Meeting there on fifth day, and next morning 
 accompanied Friends from thence to the Monthly Meet- 
 ing held at Athy, where, notwithstanding I got wet in 
 going, I am glad to have been, feeling my mind so re- 
 lieved that I hope that place may be off the list in my 
 impending journey. Returning to Ballitore, I remain- 
 ed there over Meeting on first day morning, and had 
 cause to be humbly thankful in doing so ; for while 
 very much indisposed with the effects of a cold, I was 
 so helped to discharge my duty as to be left in posses- 
 sion of quiet poverty. I rode to Carlo w in the after- 
 noon, and feeling inclined to visit the widow and chil- 
 dren of our Friend John Watson, went on second day 
 to Bally darton. Mary Watson and several other 
 Friends dined there with me, after which a season of 
 solemn stillness ensued, which was attended with feel- 
 ings that proved a sufficient recompense for this little 
 turn. 
 
 " I believed it best to appoint a Meeting at Kilcon- 
 nor for the following day, and also requested that the 
 invitation should extend to those not in profession with 
 Friends. A considerable number assembled at ten 
 o'clock on third day morning, over whom a solid co- 
 vering soon spread to the comfortable settling in out- 
 
158 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. iXi 
 
 ward quiet, under which an unusual liberty for gospel 
 labour was experienced ; and it proved, like many 
 other seasons, one wherein that language might be 
 gratefully adopted, 'Hitherto the Lord hath helped? 
 At the conclusion, Friends were requested to remain, 
 and on them, I hope, honest labour was, in received 
 ability, bestowed : after which feeling liberated for the 
 present I deemed it best to turn homewards, first at- 
 tending the usual Meeting at Carlow on fourth day the 
 14th of 5th month." 
 
 Her continuance at home was but short, for early in 
 the 6th mo. she set out, accompanied by her beloved 
 friend Margaret Grubb, for the county of Wexford ; 
 they spent several days in Waterford, attending Meet- 
 ings there on first and third days, and making calls on 
 Friends who were confined by illness. They went 
 from thence to Ross, and on the 17th of 6th mo. my 
 dear mother thus writes from Enniscorthy. 
 
 " Though my bodily strength as thou know- 
 
 est, is not great, I have cause to be thankful that the 
 tabernacle is so supported as that the work of the day 
 is, I humbly trust, advancing, wherein I have peace so 
 far in the present embassy. The lines fall not in plea- 
 sant places, our heritage is not goodly, and if we visit 
 the seed it must be in the prison house, where it too 
 generally lies. We attended Forest Meeting on first 
 day, which was large and remarkably exercising to us, 
 but through merciful assistance our minds obtained re- 
 lief : we had a season of religious retirement in the 
 evening in Jacob Goff J s family, at whose hospitable 
 mansion we lodged and were affectionately entertained. 
 
 " Feeling about the inhabitants of Taghmon, a little 
 town through which we passed, but where no room 
 sufficiently large was to be found, they were invited to 
 
1794.] MARY DUDLEY. 159 
 
 our Meeting House about half a mile distant ; and on 
 second day forenoon we assembled with a considerable 
 number of the military, and others of different descrip- 
 tions, who conducted themselves with solid attention, 
 and through divine mercy it proved a memorable time. 
 There was sensible liberty in declaring, and willing- 
 ness to receive, the testimony of truth. At the conclu- 
 sion some books were distributed, with which the peo- 
 ple seemed so pleased that we saw several reclining on 
 the grass as we passed by the fields, employed in read- 
 ing them. — Oh ! that my heart may thankfully remem- 
 ber this favour, added to many others, and be engaged 
 resignedly to pay those vows made in the day of trou- 
 ble ; for long indeed have I seen that sacrifies of this 
 nature would be required at my hands. 
 
 " We proceeded to Lambstown, made a few calls 
 on Friends, and had an appointed Meeting at Coola- 
 dine, which proved a low trying time. Sat with 
 Friends here at their usual Meeting on fifth day, where- 
 in my dear M. G. was engaged to minister, but I was 
 silent ; and believing it best for us to go into the few 
 families resident in this place, we began with the work, 
 by having two visits that afternoon, and at six o'clock 
 in the evening had a Meeting for the inhabitants, 
 which was largely attended and mercifully owned. 
 Many books were distributed, and more were after 
 wards applied for, which encouraged the hope that fa- 
 vourable impressions had been made on some minds.*' 
 
 Before leaving Enniscorthy, my dear mother ad- 
 dressed the following letter to a gentleman who had 
 attracted her notice after a Public Meeting at Hess, 
 which, with a few extracts from one he wrote to her 
 in reply, it is thought may prove both acceptable and 
 instructive to some readers. 
 
160 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX. 
 
 " DEAR FRIEND, 
 
 " Strange as it may appear for one who has no ac- 
 quaintance with thee, to address thee in this manner, 
 I feel persuaded that it will not be altogether unac- 
 ceptable to thee, when I tell thee it proceeds from an 
 apprehension that it may conduce to my peace ; and 
 seems pointed out as the best means to throw off some 
 of the feelings which have attended my mind when 
 thou hast been presented to my view. It was, I con- 
 ceive, the drawing cords of gospel love that influenced 
 my heart to pay the present visit to these parts ; and 
 not satisfied with coming to see how my brethren fared, 
 I have been sensible, since entering into the field of 
 labour herein, of the extension of the heavenly Fa- 
 ther's love to His family universally ; and have been 
 engaged, with my beloved companion, to appoint Meet- 
 ings of a more general kind than such as are usually 
 held when our Society is the only object. It was one 
 of this nature at which thou, with many others, wast 
 present on this day week at Ross. I knew not, by in- 
 formation or otherwise, who, or of what description 
 any then assembled were ; but I did at that season be- 
 lieve that there were present, one, or more, in whom 
 the deeply important query had been raised ( What is 
 truth P' and for such a travail was excited in my heart, 
 that they might patiently wait for, and be indisputably 
 favoured with such an answer from Him who can ad- 
 minister it, as might fully settle and establish them in 
 the way of righteousness and peace. In the class al- 
 ready described I heard after Meeting thy name ; and 
 passing by thee on second day morning on the quay, I 
 was so sensible of the extendings of gospel love to- 
 wards thee, that I thought I should have liked just to 
 tell thee so much, and admonish to faithfulness to the 
 
1794.] MARY DUDLEY. 161 
 
 monitions of pure truth inwardly revealed. I have 
 this evening been so sensible of the renewing of this, I 
 trust rightly inspired solicitude, that while nature co- 
 vets rest after a day of toil, I am seeking refreshment 
 to my spirit in thus saluting thee. And believing it to 
 be of the utmost consequence that we should singly at- 
 tend to, and obediently follow, the light which maketh 
 manifest, it is in my heart to say unto thee, dear friend, 
 stand open to its unerring discoveries, and believe in 
 its infallible teachings ; for as this disposition prevails 
 in us, we shall be instructed in all things appertaining 
 to life and salvation. Yea, if no inferior medium con- 
 veyed any thing fully satisfactory, or sufficient to obvi- 
 ate the difficulties presenting to our view, I am per- 
 suaded from a degree of certain experience, that in this 
 school of inward attention, greater proficiency may be 
 made in true and saving knowledge, than will be the 
 case in a far longer space whilst our views are out- 
 ward ; as by ever so great exertion of the mental pow- 
 ers, things viewed in the light and eye of reason only 
 may be decided in a very erroneous manner. Man, 
 however enabled to write or speak on the most im- 
 portant points, can only help to convince the judgment 
 and inform the understanding, but the divine principle 
 wherewith we are mercifully favoured, operates in a far 
 more powerful manner; it not only speaks in us the 
 intelligible language of conviction, but, whilst it disco- 
 vers the reality, puts us in possession of it, and con- 
 veys such soul-satisfying virtue that it allays the thirst 
 for every inferior stream. Here that water being par- 
 taken of which Christ the indwelling fountain admi- 
 nisters, we go not thither to draw — namely, to that 
 spot whence we derived something, but not fully ade- 
 quate to the desire or thirst excited ; because we feel, 
 SI 
 
16& THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX. 
 
 that whosoever drinketh of this unmixed spring, it is 
 in him a well of water, syringing ujp into everlasting 
 life. 
 
 " Now, dear friend, what my mind feels deeply so- 
 licitous for is, that this may be thy favoured experi- 
 ence ; that the substantial part of true religion may be 
 richly inherited by thee ; that being a witness of the in- 
 ward and spiritual baptism, as the door of initiation 
 into the church, the mystical body of Christ, thou 
 mayest become thereby a partaker, at the spiritual ta- 
 ble, of the soul-sustaining 'bread of life, 9 and be 
 nourished with the wine of the heavenly kingdom, 
 comprehending the communion of saints, and being 
 through the power of truth, sanctified throughout body, 
 soul and spirit, participate everlastingly of the trea- 
 sures of the Lord's house ;— so desireth the heart of 
 thy truly well-wishing friend, 
 
 MARY DUDLEY.' 7 
 u RESPECTED FRIEND, 
 
 " For so I must call you, your very unexpected and 
 highly welcome letter was delivered to me last Satur- 
 day evening ; just before I received it my mind was 
 engaged on divine subjects, and on some particulars 
 relative to which your letter seemed as a message from 
 heaven : as such indeed I received it, and have been 
 greatly affected by it ; and from the altar of my heart I 
 return praise and thanksgiving to that adorable Being 
 who has, in numerous instances, shown His kind, pro- 
 vidential care of my poor soul. And you, my much 
 esteemed friend in the gospel, as an ambassadress of 
 Christ, and a messenger of the Lord to me for good, 
 I salute with my heartfelt and grateful acknowledg- 
 ments. 
 
1794.] MARY DUDLEY. 16S 
 
 " Through your ministry 1 received of the baptiz- 
 ing power of Christ ; it quickened my soul, it reach- 
 ed, melted, and tendered my heart, and refreshed me 
 as with the dew of heaven. Those feelings we can- 
 not bring upon ourselves ; it is the Lord only, either 
 by himself immediately, or His agent or agents sent 
 with power from on high, that can effect such things. 
 The earnest solicitude raised in you to write to me, 
 the refreshment and comfort I received from your let- 
 ter, my state pointed out in your sermon, the efFect it 
 had on my dear children and myself, all declare unto 
 me the finger of the Lord in this matter, and that you 
 have come unto us Hn the fulness of the blessing of the 
 gospel of Christ.' May we keep close to that light 
 which maketh all things manifest, until it shine more 
 and more unto the brightness and clearness of the per- 
 fect day, and so living in the light, we snail have fel- 
 lowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus 
 Christ will cleanse us from all sin : all the blessed 
 merits of His death, and all the life-giving influences 
 of His Spirit, are to be had by being joined to this 
 light, and walking in it ; in Him was life, and the life 
 was the light of men. 
 
 "Whatever others may do, as for me, my dear wife 
 and children, may we serve the Lord with our whole 
 hearts, and be engrafted into the true vine. To hear 
 of our progress in true religion will, I am very certain, 
 be highly pleasing to you. And now my respected 
 friend, I commend you to God and to the word of His 
 grace! go on in the baptizing power of the Lord. 
 May we, every one of us, hold out unto the end and be 
 saved, that so in the day when the Lord shall make up 
 his jewels we may unitedly partake of the boundless 
 ocean of everlasting glory and bliss. These are the 
 
164' THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX, 
 
 fervent desires of your much obliged and sincere well 
 wisher." 
 
 From Enniscorthy she went to Ballinclay, whence 
 she writes as follows : — 
 
 „ — it We arrived here on seventh day afternoon, 
 
 and met a truly cordial reception at John and Abigail 
 Wright's : the Meeting on first day was, I believe, at- 
 tended by all the members of it, and in the evening we 
 had a season of religious retirement in the family. 
 After this, Wicklow so forcibly attracted my mind, 
 that I saw no light on any other direction, and my true 
 yoke-fellow M. Gr. having adopted the resolution, 
 i whither thou goest Iivillgo,' we sent forward to have 
 a Meeting appointed there for third day, this, through 
 gracious condescension, proved one concerning which 
 it may be said that truth rose into dominion. There 
 was not so large a number as on some similar occasions, 
 but the company was of the higher class, and their solid 
 attentive demeanour such as left no room to doubt that, 
 at that seasou, their minds were measurably awakened 
 to serious consideration, whether any further fruit be 
 brought forth or not. After dining with some Friends 
 in the town, we returned to Ballikane, and had a Meet- 
 ing appointed for Friends there on 4th day morning, 
 which proved relieving to our minds, although a deeply 
 exercising time. 
 
 " Having felt respecting the inhabitants of Gorey, 
 we turned thither sixteen miles, and on arriving there 
 found that John Wright had procured the use of the 
 Assembly-room, which being properly fitted up, a 
 large number were accommodated at a Meeting held 
 on 5th day morning. The company was not very pro- 
 mising, to look at, but a solid covering soon spread, 
 
i/94.] MARY DUDLEY. 165 
 
 and mercifully -so prevailed as to keep in subjection tlie 
 light chaffy nature ; so that not only solemn prayer 
 could be offered, but the testimony of truth go forth 
 with gospel liberty ; and there was a consoling hope in 
 our hearts that this day's labour would not be altoge- 
 ther in vain. Several appeared very desirous of hav- 
 ing books explanatory of our principles, and expressed 
 their satisfaction with the Meeting. I find there had 
 not been any Meeting held there in the remembrance 
 of some elderly Friends, except one many years ago, 
 and another by J. Pemberton. 
 
 After this they went again to Enniscorthy, where the 
 Quarterly Meeting for Leinster Province was held the 
 three last days of the 6th month, respecting which, and 
 their subsequent engagements, she thus writes. 
 
 " This season was on several accounts one of 
 
 great conflict and exercise ; there was not an abundance 
 of preaching, indeed I thought what there was might 
 be termed labouring, and that in ground unbroken by 
 the plough of divine power; however as ability was 
 mercifully afforded to maintain the exercise and obtain 
 relief, this ought to be thankfully acknowledged. We 
 remained over the usual Meeting on fourth day, which 
 was a time of honestly clearing out, and consequently 
 relieving : we got that evening to Joseph Smithson's, 
 at Ballintore, and at five o'clock on fifth day afternoon 
 held a Public Meeting at Ferns, which proved a time 
 memorable for the extension of gracious help, and 
 liberty for the precious testimony of truth, which I 
 trust was, by its own power, exalted over all opposi- 
 tion. The company was as large as the house could 
 well contain, among the number were two clergymen, 
 one of whom was very cordial afterwards, coming into 
 
16(5 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX. 
 
 Benjamin Smithson's, and introducing his children 
 to us. 
 
 " Feeling an impressiou to visit the families of Cool- 
 adine Meeting, we entered upon that service, and were 
 closely occupied during four days, having many miles 
 to ride in going from house to house, and great part of 
 it over very bad roads. In the Meeting at Cooladine, 
 on first day, although no capacity to minister was af- 
 forded, it felt a favour that the oppressed seed could 
 be prayed for : it was their Preparative Meeting, and 
 we also sat with a family who came to be visited, be- 
 fore dinner, and immediately after with another, who 
 to save us eight miles riding, had kindly remained. 
 In the evening another sitting ensued, and so ended 
 this exercising day. 
 
 " Third day was their Monthly Meeting held at 
 Ballintore, and largely attended ; the first sitting by 
 several not in profession with us, among these one of 
 the clergymen who was at the Public Meeting at Ferns ; 
 my dear M. G. sweetly ministered, and we paid a visit 
 to the men when separated. A large company dined 
 with us at B. Smithson's, and, in a season of retire- 
 ment afterwards, a consoling persuasion was raised, 
 that some present, with many more in these parts, 
 would be not only gathered under, but everlastingly- 
 sheltered by the heavenly wing ; this precious influence 
 felt as a seal to our release, and we parted from many 
 under the cementing virtue of divine love. We lodged 
 as before at J. Smithson's, and after a solemn season 
 there on fourth day morning, left this field of labour, 
 and reached Ballykealy to dinner in our way towards 
 Roscrea." 
 
 After visiting Friends at Birr and Roscrea, my dear 
 
1794.] MARY DUDLEY. 167 
 
 mother and her companion got to their own Quarterly 
 Meeting, which was held in Limerick about the middle 
 of the seventh month, and afterwards sat in most, if 
 not all the families constituting that particular Meetiug. 
 Near the close of this service, she was confined with a 
 severe attack of indisposition, which tended greatly to 
 reduce her already exhausted frame ; so that she re- 
 turned home in a very weakly condition, and was for 
 some time unequal to much exertion. Early in the 9th 
 mo. however, she believed it required of her to enter 
 again upon religious service, and was engaged in hold- 
 ing Public Meetings in several places within the com- 
 pass of her own Monthly Meeting, as well as attending 
 some Meetings for worship and discipline in Cork ; 
 and near the close of the year she set out with a pros- 
 pect of more extensive labour in that county, having 
 S. L. for a companion, as also her nephew J. Gr., he 
 being again kindly disposed to act the part of a care- 
 taker to his dedicated relative. 
 
 During about four weeks which this journey occupied, 
 she was closely engaged in an arduous line of service, 
 both among Friends and others, visiting families in 
 Youghal, and holding nine or ten Public Meetings ; 
 most of these in places where none of our Society re- 
 sided, and the principles we profess were but little 
 known. Of this description was Kinsale, and a num- 
 ber of French prisoners being confined there, she felt 
 her mind brought under concern on their account, and 
 in consequence wrote the following letter, which being 
 translated into their language, was soon after her re- 
 turn home, conveyed to them. Near the conclusion of 
 this engagement she writes : 
 
 M The present journey has indeed been me- 
 morable on several accounts, — in prospect, the line of 
 
168 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX. 
 
 labour, and for the extension of holy help 5 so that 
 there is cause for continued trust in the arm of divine 
 sufficiency. 7 ' 
 
 An Address to the French Prisoners at Kinsale. 
 
 " The love of the gospel having lately engaged me 
 to pay a religious visit to Kinsale, where by the sorrow- 
 ful effects of that spirit which causeth wars in the earth, 
 you have been cast into prison, 1 found my mind drawn 
 towards you, my dear brethren. 
 
 " Your situation claims the sympathy and attention 
 of those who, as they feel the influence of divine love, 
 are enabled to administer spiritual encouragement to 
 others. Your present circumstances are extremely 
 affectiug; you are detained from your friends, and 
 your native land : amongst strangers, and exposed to 
 many difficulties. 
 
 " Yet when we consider the kindness of that good 
 Providence, without whose sacred permission not a 
 hair of our head falleth to the ground ; when we recol- 
 lect that He is omnipresent, watching continually over 
 His creature man in every situation in life, there is 
 surely encouragement for each of us to trust in Him, 
 as a very present help in every time of need, as well as 
 a refuge and strength in the day of trouble. 
 
 " My dear brethren, you may find Him in the prison 
 as readily as if you were at liberty 5 He is with the poor 
 as well as the rich ; for His abode is with the children 
 of men. His temple is the human heart, and it is there- 
 in that the only altar is placed on which acceptable sa- 
 crifice is offered to Him. 
 
 " No outward obstruction need hinder us from find- 
 ing Him an unfailing helper ; and as we turn the atten- 
 tion of our minds immediately to Him, He proves Him- 
 
179*.] MARY DUDLEY. 169 
 
 self all sufficient for us. Oh ! how do I wish that every 
 one of you may happily experience this to be the case. 
 A few years since, I paid a religious visit to some 
 parts of France, and I have comfort in believing, that 
 there are many in that country who are in search of 
 that which alone is permanently good : and being con- 
 vinced that all the teachings and doctrines of men fall 
 short of procuring it for them, they have enquired, as 
 some formerly did of the Messiah, < Where dwellest 
 thou ?' May all such wait for and accept the gracious 
 answer, ' Come and see.' 
 
 " Be assured, dear prisoners, that as this invitation 
 is followed, it will lead into liberty and enlargement 
 from that state of thraldom wherein the human mind 
 is bound with oppressive chains. By submitting to the 
 Lord's call, we are converted from darkness to light, 
 and from the power of satan unto God. He causes us 
 to feel that it is sin and corruption which separate us 
 from Him ; and, if we faithfully attend to the guidance 
 of His Holy Spirit, we come to experience the bonds 
 thereof to be broken in us, and know an introduction 
 into the glorious liberty of His children. 
 
 " Here is a privilege attainable even in your out- 
 ward prison, where you may sing to the Lord a new 
 song, because Tie doth marvellous things in and for 
 you. The great enemy uses every means to hinder 
 this work, and to chain the mind in the dungeon of 
 transgression, and plunge it deeper into sin and sor- 
 row. He tempts the unwary, (especially in situations 
 like yours,) to seek a temporary relief in things which 
 divert from inward reflection : the tossed mind flies 
 to one false refuge after another, which do not afford 
 the rest it seeks ; but lead gradually into a captivity 
 that is, at length lamentably confirmed, and tie enemy 
 
170 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. IX* 
 
 gets full possession of the fortress of the heart. 
 Whereas, had there been attention given to the cap- 
 tain of the soul's salvation, and obedience yielded to 
 His commands, the subtle adversary would have been 
 repelled in all his attacks, and prevented from obtain- 
 ing the dominion. Ah ! my dear friends, I want you 
 to be enlisted under the glorious banner of Christ 
 Jesus. I want you to be well disciplined in the use 
 of those weapons which are not carnal, but mighty 
 through God to the pulling down of strong holds; 
 casting down imaginations, and every high thing that 
 exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and 
 bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience 
 of Christ. 
 
 u Under the impressions of divine love, a current 
 of which I feel to flow towards you, I invite you to 
 Him who reveals Himself in the secret of the heart — 
 to His light — by which, alone, you can discover the 
 need you have of Him, as the Saviour and Redeemer 
 of your souls. What a mercy it is, that, in this 
 glorious gospel day, none need say, ( who shall as- 
 cend into heaven to bring Christ down from above, or 
 who shall descend into the deep to bring up Christ 
 again from the dead ; for the word is nigh thee,' the 
 eternal word of life and power, inwardly manifested 
 as a reprover for sin and a teacher in the way of righ- 
 teousness. He knows what instruction our several 
 states require, and dispenses it accordingly ; affording 
 sufficient strength to obey Him, and follow His sure 
 direction. Now, how superior is this to all that man 
 can do! How ineffectual are those remedies which 
 human wisdom proposes, for the relief of the truly 
 awakened mind ! How inadequate to the radical cure 
 of that disease, which a departure from the divine 
 
1794.] MARY DUDLEY. 171 
 
 law has occasioned : thereby sin entered into the world, 
 and death by sin. The divine life in Adam was lost 
 by transgression — and his posterity brought under the 
 dominion of an evil seed, or enemy, from which we all 
 have need of redemption as well as he had, 'for as in 
 Adam all die, so in Christ shall all be made alive, 9 all, 
 who through faith in His holy power, experience the 
 blessed effects of His coming, by suffering Him to ac- 
 complish in their minds the great work of transforma- 
 tion. His name was called Jesus, because He should 
 save His people from their sins, not in them ; so that, 
 notwithstanding all that Christ Jesus has done and 
 suffered for us, and that His love is offered to us uni- 
 versally, we really know him not, as a Saviour and 
 Redeemer, but in proportion as we are saved by Him 
 from that evil which leads into transgression. As we 
 submit to the operation of that power which effects the 
 one spiritual baptism of the Holy Ghost and fire, the 
 floor of the heart is thoroughly cleansed, our lives and 
 conversation become such as bring glory to Him who 
 created man for this very purpose. May the con- 
 vincing voice of truth speak intelligibly to, and engrave 
 these most important subjects upon your hearts : for 
 surely the Lord is at work by His judgments, as well 
 as mercies ; and it is high time for the people to learn 
 His righteous law, that so His glorious promises may 
 be accomplished, and the * earth be filled with the 
 knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea. 9 
 
 "May the peaceable spirit of Christ Jesus and 
 His pure government increase and spread, and the 
 day hasten when, all being gathered to His holy 
 standard, 6 nation shall not lift up sword against na- 
 tion, neither shall they learn war any more. 9 Oh ! 
 let none of us obstruct this gracious design, by hard- 
 
178 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX* 
 
 ening our hearts against Him ; but let us submit to His 
 holy government, that we may experience an end put 
 to sin, and righteousness established in the place 
 thereof. Thus we shall, individually, know that 
 Christ Jesus is indeed come, not only as a Saviour 
 universally, but as a Saviour and Redeemer in our 
 hearts, and that He is executing His powerful office 
 there, in order that He may proclaim everlasting vic- 
 tory over death, hell and the grave. 
 
 " I am, in the love and sympathy of the gospel^ 
 your Friend, 
 
 MARY DUDLEY*" 
 
1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 173 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 Visit to the Provinces of Ulster and Connaught— 'Illness 
 and consequent Journey to the Hot-ivells — Family Visit 
 at Waterford, from 2nd Month 1795, to 12th Month 
 1796. 
 
 SHE was not long at home, before the call of duty 
 again summoned her to prepare for giving fresh evi- 
 dence of love and allegiance to her divine Master ; and 
 although very delicate in health, from the effects of a 
 cold taken when last travelling, she set out about the 
 middle of the second month 1795, on a religious visit to 
 Ulster and Connaught ; S. L. being united in the en- 
 gagement. They arrived in Dublin in time to attend 
 a Monthly Meeting there, on third day the 24th of 
 2nd month, after which my dear mother gives the fol= 
 lowing account of this exercising journey. 
 
 " Life was low, and, although several testi= 
 
 monies were borne, if any * mighty works' were done 
 I was insensible thereof. I remember it is said, that 
 in some cities this could not be the case ( because of 
 unbelief? We left Dublin on fourth day, and got to 
 Stramore sixth day evening. 
 
 " Seventh day, the Quarterly Meeting held at Moy- 
 allen for this province commenced, by that for Minis- 
 ters and Elders being held. The Meetings ou first 
 day were largely attended, as were those for discipline 
 on second, and the concluding Meeting on third day ; 
 but through all, sadness was the covering of my spirit, 
 and I do not remember any season when more exer- 
 
174l THE LIFE OF [CHAP. X. 
 
 cising labour fell to my lot; but being mercifully re- 
 lieved, though uot refreshed, I was thankful in renew- 
 edly experiencing the arm of holy help fully equal to 
 support. Even close doctrine is, with the people, pre- 
 ferable to silence; the communion with their own 
 hearts is closer worlc, therefore preaching, preaching 
 is still desired ; but this is vain, and will ever be so, 
 if Christ be not raised. 
 
 (i Having felt my mind attracted in gospel love to- 
 wards the inhabitants of Loughbrickland, a little town 
 about five miles from Lisburn, we went there on fourth 
 day morning ; and finding no place suitable for a Meet- 
 ing but the public worship- house, which the clergyman 
 in a kind manner offered, we felt no objection to ac- 
 cept it. A considerable number of Friends, and a very 
 large company of other religious denominations assem- 
 bled, about eleven o'clock : a precious covering of so- 
 lemnity was soon mercifully spread, and we had occa- 
 sion deeply to bow in prostrate gratitude for the exten- 
 sion of divine assistance, which was, indeed, memora- 
 bly granted ; and a hope was excited, that all the bread 
 that day distributed will not be lost. 
 
 « Fifth day, we attended the usual Meeting at Moy- 
 allen, to our relief; and on sixth day had a Public 
 Meeting at Lisburn, which was large and graciously 
 owned by Him who I trust prepared and called for the 
 sacrifice. An archdeacon and several others of the 
 clergy attended, besides many persons high in the 
 estimation of this world. I felt my bodily strength 
 much exhausted, but was favoured with a quiet, easy 
 miud ; and in the afternoon paid a visit to the Provin- 
 cial School, to my refreshment. 
 
 " First day morning the 8th of 3d mo. we went to 
 Lurgan Meeting, which proved a closely exercising 
 
1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 175 
 
 season, and left such feelings as made the prospect of 
 another Meeting appointed for four o'clock in the after- 
 noon, discouraging; the poor body seeming to have 
 had enough. However, we set forward to Portadown, 
 a place where no Friends reside, and found a great 
 number of people waiting about the door of a large 
 room at an inn, which had been previously seated, and 
 was soon much crowded, many also standing without : 
 yet there was a remarkable quietness, and more liberty 
 in proclaiming the gospel than is usually felt in this 
 day among the members of our own Society. I was so 
 weak and indisposed as to be unable to move forward, 
 as designed, next morning ; but being better for a little 
 rest, we set out third day, and on fourth day attended 
 the Meeting at Grange, wherein deep anguish of spirit 
 was my portion ; for although my heart and lips were 
 engaged in prayer, — though I believed it the Master's 
 will that the children of the heavenly family should be 
 visited, yet such were my feelings, and so little way 
 for relief appeared, that I scarcely ever remember be- 
 ing so awfully and painfully instructed. I was led to 
 meditate on the great image composed of various metals, 
 the efficacy of the little stone cut out of the mountain 
 without hands, &c. Some of these visions were opened, 
 some sealed; but after all my mind was so clothed with 
 sadness, that after Meeting I hardly knew which way 
 to turn. 
 
 " However, as I had been previously exercised about 
 Dungannon, and the weather promised favourably, 
 several Friends rode on, and procured the Presbyterian 
 Meeting-house, (where dear Job Scott held a Meeting 
 a few months before his death,) and at six o'clock we 
 assembled, and many hundreds with us. In general 
 the people were solid and attentive while the doctrines 
 
176 THE LIFE Of [CHAP. X. 
 
 of the gospel were, in received ability, a little opened, 
 and I trust some instruction was sealed. There seem- 
 ed to me the piercing sense of a predestinarian spirit, 
 that which limits the pure principle, therefore the life; 
 and so proportionate darkness covered the earth, to 
 penetrate which required proportionate help, and it 
 may be thankfully acknowledged this was mercifully 
 afforded. 
 
 " Several Friends kindly accompanied us on fifth 
 day afternoon from Berna, whence we travelled over 
 some very hilly road and through snow, seventy miles 
 to Sligo, which we reached on seventh day evening. 
 First day abode there at a good quiet inn, and as a 
 practice I have felt best satisfied with when not near a 
 Meeting-house, our little band had a season of retire- 
 ment, which through favour proved refreshing. Find- 
 ing a removal hence clouded, and the attraction to a 
 Meeting with the inhabitants increase, our men Friends 
 went to make enquiry respecting a place : from differ- 
 ent causes none could be procured that evening, nine 
 o'clock next morning was therefore concluded on, and 
 the Presbyterian minister readily gave the use of his 
 Meeting-house. A large number of solid people at- 
 tended, who seemed disposed to receive the doctrines 
 of truth ; indeed I trust some bowed under its precious 
 influence. 
 
 "The labour in this Meeting was of a truly ar- 
 duous kind, having to encounter that spirit which 
 would limit divine grace, and destroy the free- 
 agency of man. The Lord was however mercifully 
 near, bringing to remembrance much that is written 
 in opposition to this dangerous doctrine, and confirm- 
 ing to the universal agency of the spirit of truth : 
 though in unfolding some of the blessed effects of this 
 
1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 177 
 
 pure principle, a belief attended that there were those 
 present who marvelled, even like Nicodemus, while 
 taking upon them to be teachers, without knowing the 
 regenerating virtue of divine grace. This principle 
 offereth salvation to all, and really bringeth it to every 
 mind which is obedient to the heavenly vision ; as 
 Paul was, who by his own declaration, did not confer 
 with flesh and blood, clearly implying that he could 
 have done so. 
 
 " Near the close of the Meeting, the gospel seemed 
 to flow freely to some seeking souls, in the inviting 
 language of our blessed Saviour, 'If any man thirst, 
 let him come unto me and drink /' and in receiving 
 the books which were afterwards distributed, many 
 evinced their desire to know more of what this over- 
 flowing fountain is, and where to be found. Several 
 clergymen and dissenting ministers were present, and 
 a very sensible presbyterian or seceder came to our 
 inn, and invited us to his house ; he dined with us, 
 and we had some free conversation, wherein I trust 
 no injury was done to the precious cause we are en- 
 deavouring to promote : he told us that he took no 
 money for preaching. Several others called to see us, 
 manifesting cordial regard, and inviting us to their 
 houses ; indeed I have scarcely seen the like in these 
 nations, it reminded me of the disposition evinced in 
 some foreign parts, where the ground was measurably 
 prepared for the seed, and but few rightly qualified to 
 sow it. Oh ! that for such the great husbandman may 
 arise in His own power and do the work. 
 
 " We had intended proceeding that afternoon, but 
 
 found no suitable lodging place could be reached 
 
 timely, and felt fully satisfied with our detention, as 
 
 if we had gone forward, the company of several who 
 
 33 
 
1/8 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. X, 
 
 called on us would have been lost, and perhaps part 
 of the design of this visit defeated. I think it was 
 nine o'clock when the last application for books was 
 made. My very soul cleaved to some of the inhabi- 
 tants of Sligo, and the remembrance of having been 
 there is precious ; whether any fruit may ever appear or 
 not. We left it on third day morning, purposing to 
 proceed in a direct course to Roscommon, but hearing 
 on the way that the assizes were then holding, and 
 consequently accommodations at an inn not likely to 
 be obtained, we were obliged to change our plan, and 
 went to Carrick on Shannon, where, with much diffi- 
 culty we procured lodging. 
 
 " I passed a night of very deep exercise, and little 
 sleep, so great a weight of darkness and distress 
 covered my mind as I could not account for; and very 
 earnestly did my spirit crave that preservation might 
 be vouchsafed. In the morning I saw not which way 
 to turn, the track which had presented being of neces- 
 sity diverged from, and when, on examining the dif- 
 ferent directions of the roads, one was pointed out as 
 the nearest way to Moate, all seemed dark thereon, 
 though I knew not why; but when another, the least 
 eligible as to appearance, was mentioned, I felt satis- 
 fied to proceed on that. 
 
 66 As we went on I became less oppressed, until 
 drawing near a town, when the previous baptism to 
 a bitter cup so affected my spirit, that, by the time we 
 arrived at the inn, I was not left in ignorance respect- 
 ing the line of duty which awaited me here ; and 
 finding a very large room, and the landlord kindly 
 disposed to accommodate us, our men Friends soon 
 went to work, and had a laborious task in circulating 
 the invitation, nor did much encouragement appear 
 
1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 179 
 
 respecting the attendance. A very large company 
 however assembled, which it was difficult to get even 
 into outward stillness, so that although the burden of 
 the word rested, it could not be cast off without fre- 
 quent interruption, owing to the unsettlement of the 
 people; which I suppose arose from the novelty of 
 the circumstance, as we cannot trace that a Meeting 
 was ever held there before by Friends. Yet notwith- 
 standing the difficulty of stepping on such untrodden 
 ground, and the awfulness of the labour, truth was 
 mercifully raised over all, so as to chain down the re- 
 bellious nature, and afford strength to discharge appre- 
 hended duty. I trust there were some who assented 
 to the importauce of that work which all their own. 
 creaturely willings and runnings could never effect ; so 
 that if no more good was done, than a little ploughing 
 up the fallow ground of Strokestown, even that may 
 prepare the way for some other labourers more readily 
 and availingly to enter into the field : — Though nearly 
 all the inhabitants are Roman Catholics, yet many 
 applied for books after some had been distributed. 
 
 (( We passed through several other places with 
 only secret travail of spirit, and reached Moate fifth 
 day night, where we remained over first day, which 
 was one of laborious exercise. In the forenoon we 
 sat with Friends, and had a large Public Meeting in 
 the evening, but through the renewings of holy help 
 relief of mind was obtained. 
 
 " Second day we proceeded to Athlone, and pro- 
 cured the use of a Methodist Meeting-house, wherein 
 a large number of the inhabitants assembled at six 
 o'clock, and though from the number, and various 
 descriptions of persons, there was, as might be ex- 
 pected, a difference in conduct, I think it may be 
 
180 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. X. 
 
 thankfully acknowledged that truth was in dominion ; 
 and we felt a hope that all the labour would not be 
 lost, but to some instruction be profitably sealed. 
 
 " We went the following day to Roscommon, where 
 the use of the Sessions-house being obtained, we had 
 notice circulated and a large attendance that evening. 
 The minds of many seemed like ground never broken 
 up, and for a while the unsettlement and confusion 
 were trying ; but considering the ignorance and bigotry 
 of the major part of the audience, there was as much 
 quiet as we could look for, and great cause for thauk- 
 fulness that a cup bitter in prospect and possession, 
 was mercifully sweetened by the feeling of relief. 
 
 " In our way from Roscommon we stopt at Lanes- 
 borough, where being sensible of inward exercise, and 
 no clearness in proceeding, we made enquiry for a 
 place to hold a Meeting, but were informed that no 
 large room could be had, which, with finding the in- 
 habitants were mostly Roman Catholics, tended to 
 discourage us. However as the pressure continued, 
 we had a parlour at the inn prepared, and notice 
 spread, and in a short time had the room, passage, 
 &c. crowded; and I think there was in this poor 
 place, among a people who are kept in darkness by 
 those who profess to be their guides, as much liberty 
 to declare the way of life and salvation, as in many 
 places where light seems to have more apparently 
 made its way. Many were solid, and I doubt not 
 sensible of good impressions ; for which favour our 
 spirits bowed in humble commemoration of divine 
 goodness. 
 
 " We reached Ballymahon that night, where the 
 clergyman of the parish readily gave the use of the 
 worship-house for a Meeting. This town is mostly 
 
1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 181 
 
 inhabited by Roman Catholics, so that it was not ex- 
 pected many would attend ; but a large company of 
 that description came, as well as most of the Pro- 
 testants, and among them the minister who gave us 
 the house. An arduous line of labour fell to my lot ; 
 it was truly like going forth with the gospel sword, if 
 I was ever intrusted with it, against thoss structures 
 not reared by divine power. Although the extreme 
 ignorance of the people caused the work to feel heavy, 
 it may indeed be gratefully acknowledged, with that 
 praise which belongs to the glorious Author of all 
 good, that help was mercifully proportioned ; and, 
 even while the enmity was evidently raised, the Lord 
 continued near to support and strengthen for the dis- 
 charge of apprehended duty. 
 
 " I hoped after this meeting that I might be ex- 
 cused from any further service in poor Connaught, 
 and felt satisfied to turn towards the Quarterly Meeting 
 at Mount Mellick. I was much indisposed and in 
 want of rest, but struggled to keep up during first and 
 second days, which caused me to have more suffering 
 afterwards, and I was unable to attend the concluding 
 Meeting on third day the 31st of 3rd mo., being wholly 
 confined to bed. A few days nursing and kind care 
 tended to recruit me, so that by the end of the week I 
 was able to go out among my friends, and on first day 
 attended both Meetings. In these close exercise and 
 labour fell to my lot, under the oppressive sense that 
 the lamenting language of the great Master is pain- 
 fully applicable in the present day, 6 Oh ! Jerusalem^ 
 Jerusalem, how often would I have gathered thy chil- 
 dren, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her 
 wings, and ye would not. 9 Deeply did my spirit feel 
 with our honourable friend M. Ridgway, who having 
 
182 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. X. 
 
 long laboured in this part of the vineyard yet reaps 
 little in an outward sense but sorrow ; her everlasting 
 reward, however, is sure, and she seems so low and 
 sunk in strength that I should not be surprised if this 
 soon awaited her. 
 
 " We left Mount Mellick on second day morning, 
 and had a Meeting in the Assembly-room at Tulla- 
 more that evening, and one in the Sessions- house at 
 Maryborough on fourth, proceeding to Durrow on fifth 
 day evening. I felt attracted to Ballinakill, about 
 three miles distant, whither we went on sixth day 
 morning, and an invitation being circulated, the few 
 Friends residing there, and a quiet company of other 
 denominations, assembled with us about twelve 
 o'clock. These Meetings were all satisfactory, and 
 attended with a consoling hope that some would retain 
 the impressions they were favoured to receive ; many 
 manifested great cordiality towards us, and the appli- 
 cations for books, were numerous. The number be- 
 longing to our Society is small, but among these some 
 feeling was evident, and good near, to stir up the 
 pure mind, even in such as had too much rested in the 
 name, without striving to experience the nature of vital 
 Christianity. From Durrow I should have gladly 
 proceeded home some other way than through Kil- 
 kenny, a place I have long felt about, and the pros- 
 pect of which is now renewedly exercising, but I 
 believe it would be unsafe under present pressure not 
 to attempt having a Meeting there." 
 
 The Meeting in prospect was held on first day, 
 and proved a solemn relieving opportunity; after 
 which my dear mother felt easy to retreat from this 
 engagement, wherein she had been diligently occupied 
 for about eight weeks, and with her husband and 
 
1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 183 
 
 several friends who met her at Kilkenny, returned to 
 Clonmel on second day the 13th of 4th mo. peaceful 
 in mind, but with diminished strength of body. The 
 following was written under a review of this journey. 
 
 " As to any little effort of mine to promote 
 
 the glorious cause of truth, and advancement of the 
 spiritual kingdom of life and peace, it is not worth en- 
 tering upon. Yet as the object is considered abstract- 
 edly, as the poiver, not the instrument, is kept in view, 
 I hope that in all humility the thankful acknowledg- 
 ment may be made, that although the line of service 
 recently allotted has been very trying, humiliating, and 
 awful, He who putteth forth has fulfilled His own pro- 
 mise, and mercifully proportioned strength to the con- 
 flicts of the day ; superadding to the support immediate- 
 ly extended, the encouraging belief, that His gathering 
 arm is reached and reaching forth to the workmanship 
 of His holy hand ; and if the labour of the poor instru- 
 ments go no further than the mission of John, and pre- 
 pare the way for greater breakings forth of light, let 
 us be therewith content, and faithfully do our part, 
 leaving the issue to divine wisdom. I have never been 
 in any part of these nations where the ground seemed 
 so unbroken as in some of the places lately visited, 
 especially in Connaught, nor have I been more sensi- 
 bly convinced than during this engagement, that light 
 will break forth, and the darkness which now covers 
 the earth disperse by its glorious arising." 
 
 Notwithstanding her having a hard cough, and evi- 
 dent symptoms of pulmonary affection, she went from 
 home again in about two weeks to attend the Yearly 
 Meeting in Dublin, and as usual, took an active part 
 in the concerns of that interesting season ; she also at- 
 tended a few Meetings in her return, though struggling 
 
184) THE LIFE OF [CHAP. X. 
 
 with an increase of indisposition from repeated colds, 
 and on arriving at her own house was so unwell as to 
 render close confinement necessary. This, however, 
 and skilful medical attention, failed to produce the de- 
 sired effect, and in a few weeks she was advised to try 
 the Mallow waters, as a substitute for those of the Hot- 
 wells, being unwilling to undertake so long a journey 
 unless deemed absolutely needful. After spending a 
 month at the former place, her complaints assumed so 
 alarming an appearance, and the reduction of strength 
 was so rapid, that her affectionate husband was not 
 satisfied longer to delay resorting to those means which 
 in earlier life had proved beneficial to his beloved com- 
 panion. To herself, and many of her friends, it appear- 
 ed scarcely warrantable for her to undertake such a 
 journey, nor did she anticipate the result so fondly de- 
 sired by her near connexions ; rather looking to the 
 disease which then affected her, as one designed to 
 bring down the poor earthly tabernacle, and centre her 
 immortal spirit in everlasting restf and the entire quiet- 
 ness of mind with which she was favoured, tended to 
 encourage this prospect. 
 
 Still she did not oppose the wishes of her husband, 
 and early in the eighth month she set out with him and 
 her two eldest daughters. They sailed from Water- 
 ford to Milford, and afterwards travelled slowly to 
 Bristol ; the dear invalid bearing the voyage and jour- 
 ney even beyond what they had dared to expect ; and 
 after spending six weeks at the Hot- wells, the improve- 
 ment in her health was such as to afford strong hopes 
 of ultimate recovery. Her native air and the waters 
 were so salutary to her lungs, that the cough gradually 
 abated, and her strength was renewed. When the time 
 for remaining at the wells was expired, she passed some 
 
1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 185 
 
 weeks at the house of her beloved friends John and 
 Margaret Waring, attending Meetings in the city and 
 neighbourhood of Bristol, and enjoying the society of 
 some old and intimate friends : and although not from 
 home on the ground of religious concern, there is rea- 
 son to believe that her company and ministerial labours 
 were productive of spiritual benefit to many, both in 
 and out of our Society, amongst whom her lot was cast 
 at that time. 
 
 Near the end of the year she returned to Ireland, so 
 far restored in health as to give expectation of her be- 
 ing strengthened for continued usefulness in the church. 
 Nor was it long before her dedication to the best of 
 causes was again evinced, for in the second mo. 1796, 
 she applied to her Monthly Meeting for a certificate to 
 visit the families of Friends in Waterford and Ross, 
 expressing her belief that some more public service 
 would also be required of her in those places. After 
 being awhile closely occupied at Waterford she wrote 
 as follows : — 
 
 " The work is truly a laborious one, I think 
 
 more so than any of the same nature heretofore has 
 proved. Life is in the general, low, and yet such a renew- 
 ed visitation is sensibly extended, even to ' strengthen 
 the things which remain, 9 lest they utterly die, and the 
 exercise so expands in families, that we have sometimes 
 to divide, and take the different parts separately. After 
 some visits, my poor frame is so sunk that I have 
 thought I should be scarcely able to continue through- 
 out the engagement, though bound in spirit to the ser- 
 vice. I am indulged with a truly dear and very suita- 
 ble companion in Margaret Hayland, who is evidently 
 fitted for the work, and employed in it, in what I be- 
 lieve the fulness of time. 
 
 34 
 
186 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. X. 
 
 " The line does not seem circumscribed to those in 
 membership, and I continue to feel my mind attracted 
 to several who attend our Meetings with honest enqui- 
 ries, 'what shall ice do?' &c. Among these are a family, 
 respecting whom I had no knowledge or information, 
 but while in Meeting the day after I came here, my 
 heart was drawn into such a feeling of secret sympathy 
 with two genteel looking women, who sat solidly op- 
 posite the gallery, that I was ready to marvel, not 
 knowing by their appearance whether they had any 
 connexion with Friends or not. At length I became 
 so exercised that the work in them might be carried 
 forward, and the new creation perfected, that vocal 
 supplication was offered, and enquiring after Meeting 
 respecting them, I found they were a widow Ussher 
 and her daughter, and that they had constantly attend- 
 ed Meetings for several months past. I spoke to them 
 on going out of the Meeting-house, and they cordially 
 to me ; since then we have seen more of each other, 
 they are indeed a wonderful family, and the more I 
 know of them, the more my heart is attached to 
 them."* 
 
 After she and her companion had visited the few fa- 
 milies in Ross, she thus relates a circumstance which 
 occurred there. 
 
 — " I sat the Meeting under unutterable exer- 
 cise, dear M. H. was engaged to minister to a state, 
 for which I then believed I was going through such a 
 baptism as I have seldom experienced, and feeling, (as 
 I apprehend,) a clear direction how to act, when the 
 
 * This Friend, Elizabeth Ussher, was afterwards well known 
 as an acceptable minister in our Society, she and three daughters 
 having joined it by convincement. — See " Ussher's Letters," 
 printed in Dublin, 1812. 
 
1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 187 
 
 Meeting terminated, I requested that two men who had 
 sat solidly, but were total strangers to me, might be 
 invited to our lodging ; they willingly came, and a time 
 long to be remembered ensued ; one was the same per- 
 son for whom I felt in my last visit to this place, but 
 whose countenance I did not know ; they are both 
 evidently under the care of the great Shepherd, but 
 much tried on different accounts. We sat and parted 
 under such feelings as I have no language to describe, 
 and for this season alone I could bear to be separated 
 from my nearest connexions; but we have reason 
 thankfully to believe that so far, our steppings have 
 been right, may future preservation be mercifully 
 vouchsafed." 
 
 An account of a Public Meeting held at Waterford 
 was thus given by a Friend who had been her com- 
 panion in part of this engagement, and kindly wrote to 
 her husband when she was prevented doing so by in- 
 disposition. 
 
 — * The house was nearly full, and those as- 
 sembled behaved with becoming solidity ; the covering 
 of good was soon felt, and after dear Mary had appear- 
 ed in supplication, she was largely engaged in the ex- 
 ercise of her precious gift ; — on the propriety of wo- 
 men's preaching, — against an hireling ministry, — and 
 in describing the universality of the grace of God. It 
 was a solemn open season, and though as thou mayest 
 suppose, she was much exhausted, yet the sweet in- 
 comes of that peace she goes through so much to ob- 
 tain, were not withheld, but sweetly partaken of, the 
 Lord rewarding liberally for such acts of dedication, 
 and afresh inciting to confidence and trust in Him. In 
 the family retirement at our lodging in the evening, 
 
188 THE LIFE OF [CHAP, X. 
 
 she was again drawn forth to address some individuals 
 in a very particular manner ; it was a time of sweet re- 
 freshment in which most present were tendered, and I 
 hope the sense of heavenly regard which then prevail- 
 ed will not soon be forgotten by some of us." 
 
 Near the close of this service my dear mother wrote 
 as follows. 
 
 — " I feel unable to do as much in this line as I 
 
 once could, nor am I even qualified to keep any little 
 sketch of what I go through from day to day, as if all 
 that is once passed was gone from my remembrance, 
 by fresh exercise continually occurring ; so that the poor 
 vessel is kept in a state of quiet emptiness, except when 
 any thing is put into it for others, which for a season 
 refreshes and sweetens. As to the earthen vessel, it 
 is sensibly weakened, yet I expect it will hold a while 
 together, till not only this, but what may still remain, 
 is done; and truly my mind is humbled under a sense 
 of unmerited regard, and my own utter inability to move 
 in the line of gracious acceptance without deep prepa- 
 ratory baptisms and renewed help, and this having 
 been almost marvellously extended, I again feel strip- 
 ped and unclothed of any strength. If these are some 
 of the mysteries attendant on the awful office which 
 some apprehend they are appointed to, then may the 
 hope be safely cherished that, however hidden their 
 life, it is with Him who in His own time will again 
 and everlastingly arise, and they also partake of His 
 glory." 
 
 She returned home in time to attend the Quarterly 
 Meeting held at Clonmel, in the fourth month, and 
 early in the 6th mo. she again left her own habitation, 
 to fulfil some prospects which had not been accom- 
 
1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 189 
 
 plished in her late journey; among these were Public 
 Meetings at Dunmore, Enniscorthy, and Ross, re- 
 specting which she observes, that though deeply exer- 
 cisiug from the ignorauce of spiritual worship and want 
 of true settlement, which were generally obvious, ye,t 
 ' faith being mercifully granted, and holy assistance 
 renewed, ability was afforded to preach the glad 
 tidings of salvation through Jesus Christ, as the way, 
 the truth, and the life. 7 She also attended the Quar- 
 terly Meeting for Leinster Province, and several Meet- 
 ings for worship and discipline in the county of Wex- 
 ford. In some of these services she had the accepta- 
 ble company of her dear friend M. Watson, and after 
 being laid up some days at Waterford with a distress- 
 ing complaint in her head and face, returned home 
 with a relieved and peaceful mind, a short time before 
 her own Quarterly Meeting held at Limerick ; where 
 after attending that solemnity, she felt bound to sit in 
 the families of Friends, and in a letter written to her 
 husband while thus engaged, makes the succeeding re- 
 marks. 
 
 " I can afresh say it is well to follow the 
 
 pointings of duty and stand in resignation, for although 
 the poor body is considerably exhausted, my mind is 
 mercifully relieved beyond what is usually the case 
 with me ; so that I have reason to commemorate the 
 unmerited regard of Him who leads about, graciously 
 instructs and encourages to confide in His holy sustain- 
 ing arm." 
 
 After returning from this visit, she was mostly at 
 home during the remainder of this year ; the latter part 
 of which was signalized by some very afflictive circum- 
 stances, under which her body and mind were at times 
 
190 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. X. 
 
 brought very low ; yet being supported by Him who 
 had long proved her refuge and strength, she was ena- 
 bled instructively to manifest that those who trust 
 in the Lord are not confounded, but in the permit- 
 ted, as well as appointed trials of their day, find Hisi 
 grace sufficient for them, and the spirit of humble re- 
 signation equal to counteract the effects of human 
 weakness. 
 
1797-] MARY DUDLEY. 191 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 Attendance of Yearly Meeting in London. — Dangerous ill- 
 ness of her Husband. — Visit to the County of Cork, 8fC. 
 1797. 
 
 IN the spring of 1797? my beloved mother believed 
 it best for her to attend the Yearly Meeting in London, 
 which she did to the relief and comfort of her mind, 
 spending a little time in Bristol on her return. While 
 absent on this journey she writes as follows. 
 
 " Though not professedly out in the service 
 
 of truth, I think it may be truly said I am not spend- 
 ing idle time ; every day seems to bring its work with 
 it, and some Meetings, and more private seasons of 
 retirement, have been peculiarly marked by the co- 
 vering of solemnity and cementing influence of divine 
 regard ; so that while I feel myself a poor creature, I 
 have renewed cause thankfully to acknowledge gra- 
 cious help, and depend upon the leadings of an ever 
 worthy master, who does not forsake in the needful 
 time." 
 
 Soon after she returned home, her affectionate feel- 
 ings were called into painful exercise by her husband's 
 having a dangerous fall from his horse, which occa- 
 sioned an illness that for some time threatened his 
 life ; and the anxiety and fatigue which she underwent 
 at that season produced an indisposition of the bilious 
 and gouty kind, the effects whereof greatly tried her 
 constitution for several months. — She had, however, 
 the comfort of seeing her beloved partner gradually 
 
19& THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XI. 
 
 restored to health, and they were both benefited by 
 spending some time at the sea-side, first at Tramore 
 and then in Youghal. At both these places David 
 Sands of America was a good deal with them, and to- 
 wards the end of the year my dear mother united with 
 this Friend in some religious service in the city aud 
 county of Cork, being also accompanied by her niece, 
 Hannah Grubb, who during this journey first appear- 
 ed as a minister. The following extracts from her let- 
 ters contain an account of the engagement. 
 
 " Fifth day was the Monthly Meeting here ; 
 
 until the previous one for worship, D. S. had been a 
 silent travailer in every Meeting, but in that he was 
 exercised in a close line, comparing the people to 
 sheep who had been richly fed, and walked in good 
 pasture, but had not become strong, nay, were sick, 
 and some even in danger of dying ; but yet he felt a 
 few were alive, to whom he ministered encourage- 
 ment. I felt inclined to take my little certificate to 
 the men's Meeting, and had it read while there, which 
 opened my way among my brethren to my own 
 relief. 
 
 " First day evening we appointed a Public Meet- 
 ing which was largely attended. I had to revive the 
 gracious invitation of the Saviour of the world, i If 
 any man thirst let him come unto me and drink,' and 
 doubt not the love of Israel's Shepherd was then afresh 
 extended, for the gathering of the people from the 
 shadows to the substance of religion. D. S. was en- 
 gaged iu the unity of feeling, and though we have 
 no report of mighty works being done, I trust that 
 profit was sealed upon some minds. 
 
 " I had a view of going to Kinsale while in these 
 borders, but being very much indisposed it seemed un- 
 
1797-] MARY DUDLEY. 193 
 
 likely I should be able to unite with D. S. who was 
 going on fourth day night ; yet feeling inclined, H. Gr. 
 and I went next morning in a close carriage, and 
 reached Kinsale time enough for the Meeting, which 
 was appointed for eleven o'clock, but the people 
 coming in irregularly the house was not filled for 
 nearly an hour. Several appeared very light, con- 
 versing, &c. but after deep laborious exercise, there 
 was more settlement and some relief obtained. D. 
 Sands was enlarged in testimony and supplication, and 
 in endeavouring to do my part of the busiuess, I 
 found to my humbling admiration, the truth of that 
 assurance, ' as thy day so shall thy strength be, 7 even 
 as to the body, which was made equal to required 
 exertion. Another Meeting was appointed for the 
 evening, which I had almost given up the prospect of 
 attending, but being recruited by a little rest went 
 again ; the house filled, and some solid people were 
 among the multitude, to whom David was largely 
 opened, in a manner teaching to their states ; a por- 
 tion of labour also fell to my lot, and I trust the pre- 
 cious cause was rather magnified than hurt, by these 
 opportunities, and some minds measurably gathered 
 to a state of true waiting. But oh ! the labour that 
 is requisite to have even so much of the way of the 
 Lord prepared ; and how few comparatively are in a 
 state of fitness to receive even the messengers in the 
 previous mission, or baptism, for the master's appear- 
 ance, the revelation of his power and spirit. Darkness 
 seems to cover the earth, and gross darkness the 
 minds of the people, so that every step is like working 
 with the plough to gain an entrance for the seed of 
 spiritual doctrine ; but, if the labourers perform their 
 assigned part, all afterwards ought to be resolved 
 
191 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XI. 
 
 into the hand and further operation of the great and 
 powerful husbandman, in faith and patience. 
 
 " I hope I have done with anxiety on this head, I 
 neither look for much, if any fruit from my little exer- 
 cises, nor conclude I am right or wrong from the 
 voice of the people : oh ! how unavailing are all voices 
 but that of gracious acceptance, and when this is 
 through unmerited mercy afforded, what a stay is it 
 found amidst the fluctuating spirit or language of the 
 world, yea of those who are in degree, but not alto- 
 gether, gathered out of a worldly spirit. 
 
 "This last Meeting held above three hours, so 
 thou mayest conclude our bodies wanted rest, which 
 we obtained at a good inn. In the morning I found 
 D. S. inclined for Milltown, which I felt easy to turn 
 from, but before leaving Kinsale had a memorable 
 season with the landlady and three single daughters ; 
 their minds were remarkably tendered, and so opened 
 in love to us that they constrained us to accept some 
 refreshment, after which we left them and the place 
 in peaceful poverty. 
 
 « After dinner at a Friend's, where was a pretty 
 large company, and several young people, a precious 
 and remarkably solemn covering was mercifully spread 
 as a canopy over us, and rather singular enlargement 
 experienced in the line of close communication to dif- 
 ferent individuals : the settling power of truth pre- 
 vailing in no small degree, and leaving a savour that 
 remained during the evening, which I spent in their 
 company. Yesterday I joined in a visit paid by ap- 
 pointment to two young women received into member- 
 ship, which was a solemn relieving time to my mind : 
 as I have thankfully to acknowledge several have 
 proved, so as to leave no room to question that my 
 
1797.] MARY DUDLEY. 195 
 
 beiug here has been, and I hope continues to be, in 
 providential direction, though my body feels greatly 
 reduced with exercise. 
 
 " After we had sat awhile in Meeting on first day, 
 William Savery unexpectedly came in, and near the 
 close said, that he felt as he often did when in Meet- 
 ings with his brethren and sisters, not having much 
 to say, except that he wished them well, and that if 
 they were not admitted to the communion table, the 
 supper of the Lamb, it wag not because they were not 
 the bidden guests, but because they were in the same 
 state as those formerly bidden, not ready, being full 
 of, or employed too much about things lawful in them- 
 selves, but pursued to the hindering their acceptance. 
 On concluding, he desired a Meeting with the inhabi- 
 tants in the evening, which proved a very large as- 
 semblage of most ranks, who behaved with quiet 
 attention. W. Savery was largely opened on the 
 past and present state of the visibly gathered churches, 
 describing where the departure from genuine religion 
 had crept in, and through what means it must be re- 
 stored to its primitive state, &c. D. S. also stood 
 some time. The following day we went together to 
 the Foundling Hospital, where there were about two 
 hundred children collected, to whom, with their mas- 
 ters, we all three felt and expressed a salutation of 
 love, and the season was one of divine favour, as 
 was another more select sitting in a Friend's family 
 after tea. 
 
 " Yesterday the week-day Meeting was unusually 
 large, and proved, to my tried mind, the most relieving 
 of any since my coming here; though the labour was of 
 a truly close and exercising nature, which, if I appre- 
 hend rightly, was what the states of the people called 
 
196 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XI* 
 
 for- Dear William Savery followed in harmonious 
 supplication, and the Meeting terminated under a so- 
 lemn covering. In the evening another Public Meeting 
 was held, which was large and pretty quiet, though 
 some of the company appeared thoughtless and uncon- 
 cerned, and perhaps from a longer silence than before, 
 in degree impatient; but while W. S. was engaged in 
 speaking they were attentive, and he was enabled ex- 
 cellently to comment on the superior nature of divine 
 wisdom. His openings were not only clear, but attend- 
 ed with religious authority; so that I do hope it was a 
 season of instruction to some, though after the closing 
 of this weighty communication an unsettlement succeed- 
 ed and many withdrew. 
 
 " 1 am to-day sadly indisposed from fresh cold, and 
 can hardly stoop to write, though so mercifully sup- 
 ported in the path of duty ; but as William Savery in- 
 tends being at Ulonmel by first day, and seems parti- 
 cularly to wish me to meet him, I at present purpose 
 endeavouring to do so, and hope to reach home some 
 time on seventh day." 
 
 This prospect she was enabled to fulfil, arriving at 
 her own house a few hours before this valuable fellow- 
 labourer W. S., whom she was glad to receive and en- 
 tertain, as he was, to be in the company of one whom 
 he esteemed a mother in the truth. She accompanied 
 him in his public service within those borders, and 
 after being together at a Meeting in Carrick, they sepa- 
 rated ; he proceeding to Waterford, and she returning 
 home, whence she pretty soon went again to Cork, and 
 after attending the Quarterly Meeting held there in the 
 first month, had Public Meetings in several places 
 which she had felt about when there before, viz. Blar- 
 ney, Passage, Glanmire, and Milltown, also one ap- 
 
1797*] MARY DUDLEY. 197 
 
 pointed for the inhabitants of a particular district in the 
 city. All these Meetings appear to have been satis- 
 factory and relieving, as may be inferred from the fol- 
 lowing observations written at the close of this journey. 
 
 " Through the mercy of Him who hath never 
 
 failed in the needful time to supply every want, ability 
 was administered to proclaim the doctrines of the gos- 
 pel, for the reception of which I believe some were 
 prepared ; and it is a renewed encouragement to trust 
 in the arm of holy help, that at intervals the power of 
 truth preciously prevailed, so as to still the minds of 
 the people, for w hich my spirit bows in thankfulness. 
 I begin very sensibly to feel the effects of such exer- 
 cise, and am at present quite hoarse ; but I expect shall 
 be relieved, if there be occasion for so poor a creature 
 to be employed, in vocally advocating a cause, the pro- 
 motion of which is, if I know my own heart, dearer 
 to me than my natural life." 
 
198 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIK 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 Illness and temporary Residence in Bristol. — Religious Ser- 
 vice there, and in some Places adjacent. — Return home y 
 and visit to the Families of her own Monthly Meeting. — 
 Letter to a Friend. — From 1798 to 1801. 
 
 AN affection of the lungs, under which my beloved 
 mother had suffered for several months, became in the 
 spring increasingly serious ; and her cough, with other 
 alarming symptoms, brought her so low as to cause 
 much apprehension in the minds of her family and 
 friends, and induce her medical attendants to recom- 
 mend a sea voyage and short residence at Bristol Hot- 
 wells. It was with peculiar reluctance she yielded to 
 this advice, as the awfully disturbed state of Ireland in 
 the year 1798 precluded her affectionate husband from 
 accompanying her; but in this trial of faith and patience 
 she was mercifully supported, under the belief that it 
 was her duty to use every means for the restoration of 
 her health. She was in so weak a state on leaving 
 home, that some friends who assisted her on board the 
 packet expressed it as their opinion that she was then 
 leaving Ireland never to return : such however was not 
 the will of Him who had repeatedly brought her up 
 as from the gates of death, and graciously designed 
 again to qualify her for His service. 
 
 She embarked at Waterford with her eldest son and 
 four daughters ; landed at Milford, and after passing 
 some weeks in that neighbourhood, she was so far re- 
 covered as to proceed to Bristol by sea. — Her dear 
 
1798 — 1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 199 
 
 friend George Fisher met her at Pill harbour and con- 
 ducted her to his own house ; he had recently lost his 
 valuable wife, between whom and my dear mother a 
 strong friendship had subsisted, and her visit at that 
 juncture seemed not only grateful to his affectionate 
 feelings, but her religious sympathy soothing and help- 
 ful to his mind. She staid much longer under his hos- 
 pitable roof than was contemplated upon first going to 
 Bristol. Her native air and the waters of the Hot-wells 
 proving, as heretofore, beneficial to her health ; though 
 her amendment was very slow and interrupted by such 
 frequent attacks of indisposition, as caused her physi- 
 cian to entertain little or no hope of ultimate recovery : 
 she was not able to attend Meetings till near the end of 
 the year, about which time she writes as follows. 
 
 "I have gone three times to the Fryers 
 
 Meeting-house, it tried my frame sensibly, but afresh 
 convinced me who was, and continues to be, strength 
 in weakness ; having been assisted beyond what I could 
 have looked for, so that, although I scarcely expect an 
 establishment in even usual health will ever be my ex- 
 perience, I have latterly conceived that my continuance 
 in time might be lengthened out, and feel desirous that 
 every portion of strength intrusted, may be occupied 
 with, according to the will of the gracious Giver. Some 
 unfoldings of duty have been recently afforded, and 
 whether or not I may be drawn to visit a few families, 
 or attend any Meetings in adjacent places, I do believe 
 I ought to stand resigned to move as bodily strength is 
 furnished, in order that the remainder of my stay here 
 may he filled up to the relief and peace of my mind." 
 In accordance with these views she applied to her 
 Monthly Meeting for a certificate, in the following 
 Address. 
 
&00 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XII. 
 
 MY DEAR FRIENDS, 
 
 "Notwithstanding my leaving home was under dif- 
 ferent prospects than the probability of any religious 
 engagement, nor does the degree of bodily strength yet 
 experienced, warrant an expectation of much of this na- 
 ture being required ; yet being sensible of increasing 
 exercise, and desirous to have the time spent on this 
 side the water, as well as the portion of health afford- 
 ed, used as consistently with best direction as I may be 
 favoured to discover ; I feel resigned to mention, that 
 an apprehension exists in my mind that something is 
 due from me, in this city, and to parts adjacent, in 
 which I request liberty of the Monthly Meeting to 
 move as truth may point out. I believe there are those 
 among my dear friends in Clonmel, who will feel with 
 me in this exercise, and as soon as clearness is felt 
 transmit me their decision. After spreading this pros- 
 pect I may just add, that though separate in person, 
 under the pressure of various infirmities and hidden 
 conflicts, my spirit has often saluted, and renewedly 
 does salute you, my dear friends, wishing with my 
 own, your preservation and establishment on the rock 
 of immutable support ; that whatever our individual 
 allotments may be, we may experience that ' we have 
 a strong cityf and know salvation to be ' appointed 
 for walls and bulwarks. 9 
 
 " I am in gospel and affectionate love your friend, 
 
 M. DUDLEY. 
 
 "Bristol, 11th Mo. 22nd, 1798." 
 
 After receiving the concurrence of her friends, which 
 was readily granted, the first step she believed it right 
 to take in the line of religious duty was to visit some 
 of the larger families belonging to the Monthly Meet- 
 
1798—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 201 
 
 ing of Bristol, and she paid while in a weak state of 
 health upwards of thirty visits. During this engage- 
 ment, and respecting some further service, s she remarks 
 as follows : — 
 
 " In the procedure so far, frequent and closely 
 
 exercising, have been my conflicts in and out of Meet- 
 ings, though in some of these merciful help has been 
 vouchsafed, so that relief has been measurably obtain- 
 ed. Being sensible of a weighty concern respecting 
 the inhabitants of Temple Parish, I ventured to appoint 
 a Meeting at that Meeting-house on the evening of the 
 21th of 2nd mo., which was large and solemnly favour- 
 ed. Through the extension of divine assistance, not 
 only a door of utterance was granted, but comfortable 
 persuasion that one of entrance was also opened ; so 
 that renewed cause was administered to follow in the 
 path of manifested duty, and the subsequent feeling of 
 unmerited peace was truly precious. When this ser- 
 vice was accomplished, I felt increasingly drawn to- 
 wards some little places in the north division of this 
 county, and on the 3rd of the 3rd mo. proceeded to 
 Sidcot, where I sat an exercising Meeting with 
 Friends, under a deep sense of the want of life, and 
 prevalence of an indolent unconcerned spirit, whereby 
 the burden of the sensible feeling part was abundantly 
 increased. After a time of silent travail, strength be- 
 ing communicated, a little relief was obtained, and 
 clearness of feeling in appointing a Meeting for the 
 next morning, of a more general kind. Similar views 
 having presented respecting Congersbury, we went to 
 our friend Joseph Naish's, whose house being thought 
 suitable, a Meeting was appointed for the evening, and 
 a very large number came. A covering of solemnity 
 early spread, and liberty in stating the preparation for 
 26 
 
SOS THE LIFE OF fcHAP. XII. 
 
 performing spiritual worship ensued, under which the 
 minds of the people seemed solidly impressed and gos- 
 pel love arose sweetly, so that help was witnessed to 
 minister to some states, I hope with profitable instruc- 
 tion ; and the season closed under a thankful sense of 
 gracious regard and the feeling of quiet poverty. This 
 I deem a rich inheritance, and far more than any sur- 
 render of my will, or feeble attempt to advocate the 
 cause of pure truth, has any claim to, but all of abun- 
 dant mercy from Him to whom praise assuredly 
 belongs. 
 
 " Second day 4th, attended the appointed Meeting 
 at Sidcot, which was large and quiet; supplication 
 early went forth, and He who raiseth and answereth 
 prayer graciously drew near, sensibly qualifying for 
 the portion of labour allotted, and spreading the cano- 
 py of pure love, under which names and distinctions, 
 seem lost, and that spirit which breathes peace on earth 
 and good will to men happily prevails. We dined at 
 the school, and had a solemn season before we left it, 
 several precious young people being present: returned 
 to Congersbury to lodge, and passing a thoughtful 
 night I opened to my affectionate sympathizing friends 
 Joseph Naish and George Fisher, my feelings about 
 Longford, a place adjacent, to which we took a ride 
 and found that way presented for a Meeting by a room 
 being offered at the inn. We spent a few pleasant 
 and solid hours at Winthill, with John Thomas, and 
 Sarah Squire, and returned to our quarters to tea, 
 where a quiet night refreshed a feeble body and mind. 
 
 4th day, fith. We attended Claverham Meeting in 
 course, which was a season of very deep exercise, my 
 poor mind being utiusually plunged into a state where 
 faith was at so low an ebb that very little prospect of 
 
1798—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 203 
 
 relief opened, though a necessity for moving seemed 
 felt. To my humbling admiration, help was so ex- 
 tended, that from one of the lowest it became a time of 
 considerable relief, through honest plain dealing with 
 the indifferent and lukewarm, while encouragement 
 was sweetly felt to an exercised and deeply tried rem- 
 nant, hidden but precious in the Lord's sight. In the 
 afternoon went to Longford, where at the hour appoint- 
 ed a considerable number came. A solemn covering 
 soon spread, and though among a people to whom such 
 a Meeting was wholly new, it not being remembered 
 that any of this kind had ever been held there, He, 
 whom winds and waves obey, graciously calmed by 
 His own power, and to much outward stillness vouch- 
 safed a quietude scarcely to be expected. This so in- 
 creased, that during the previous travail and succeed- 
 ing vocal engagement, the waters gradually rose, and 
 the conclusion of the season was memorably owned; a 
 time wherein all that was feeling within me, and I be- 
 lieve other fellow travellers united in gospel fellow- 
 ship, bowed in thankful acknowledgment of continued 
 merciful regard. 
 
 " We separated under a solid feeling, the people de- 
 parting in much commendable quietness ; which I es- 
 teemed a peculiar favour, as our being at an inn had 
 caused me to fear unsettlement after the Meeting. Seve- 
 ral beloved Friends continued with us that night, and 
 accompanied me next morning to Bristol. I felt symp- 
 toms of cold and fatigue requiring rest, but undeserv- 
 ed peacefulness of mind." 
 
 When a little recruited she went to the neighbour- 
 hood of Olveston, and had many Meetings with 
 Friends and others in that and some adjacent districts, 
 being wonderfully strengthened for the service to 
 
S04? THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XII. 
 
 which she was thus renewedly called. Her views 
 extending, as ability of body increased, she travelled 
 a good deal during the summer of 1799 in the coun- 
 ties of Somerset, Gloucester, Wilts, and Hereford ; 
 visiting the families of Friends in some places, and 
 holding above thirty Public Meetings, among which 
 were three at Bath, and one in the Town-hall at 
 Wells. At the latter place she had been accustomed 
 to enjoy much worldly pleasure in early life, and was 
 still remembered by some of the more respectable in- 
 habitants. Many of these manifested an affectionate 
 recollection and esteem for her character, when thus 
 among them as a minister of the gospel ; several about 
 her own age acknowledging, that there was more solid 
 satisfaction in the path she had wisely chosen than 
 could ever result from self-gratification, though the pur- 
 suit of this, still occupied and was allowed to engross 
 their minds. 
 
 In these journies Robert Lovell was my dear mo- 
 ther's kind attendant and helper, and in some of her 
 public services in the neighbourhood of her native city 
 she was accompanied by her friend and fellow minis- 
 ter Samuel Dyer. 
 
 While in Bristol she visited three men who were 
 under sentence of death in Newgate, and continuing 
 much exercised on their account, wrote the following 
 letter, which was conveyed to them a few days before 
 their execution, and appeared to be both seasonable 
 and comforting. One of the men requested a religious 
 person who attended them to the last, to express his 
 sense of the kindness, and tell the Friend who had 
 manifested such concern for them, that her words 
 were fulfilled in his experience, for his prison had in- 
 deed become as a palace, and in the immediate pros- 
 
1798—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 205 
 
 pect of death, he would not change situations with the 
 king on his throne. 
 
 " MY DEAR BRETHREN, 
 
 6i For so I can call you in that love and deep solici- 
 tude which allows no distinction of names to religion. 
 I feel with and for you in the fiowings of gospel love, 
 and under this influence could spend hours with you 
 in your solitary and awful situation : but I fear your 
 even beholding the persons of any, unless those who 
 are of necessity about you, lest your minds should be 
 drawn to any thing inferior to the great object which 
 you ought every moment to have in view. I therefore 
 adopt this method of beseeching you to endeavour to 
 draw near to the spring of living help, which is mer- 
 cifully with and in you, as an infallible means of open- 
 ing to you, not only all your wants, but the glorious 
 remedy provided for their supply. This, my friends, 
 is ' Christ in you,' the promised reprover for trans- 
 gression, and comforter of the contrite penitent soul 
 which leans upon him. Oh ! let your attention be in- 
 ward and deep, your eye singly turned to His all-con- 
 vincing saving light. He is the good Samaritan, the 
 searcher and binder up of those wounds that sin has 
 made, and can by His own power so apply the oil and 
 the wine, as to restore the distressed, mournful tra- 
 veller to soundness and peace. Oh ! that this may be 
 your individual experience ; then will your prison be 
 as a palace, and your dismission out of this world a 
 door of entrance into a state of liberty and endless rest. 
 Let nothing divert your minds from the essentially ne= 
 cessary state of inward retirement, and waiting upon 
 the Lord : and may He who can only preach spiritual 
 deliverance to the captive, graciously do His own 
 
206 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XII. 
 
 work, even cleanse from sin, finish transgression, and 
 make you, by His redeeming sanctifying power, meet 
 for His pure and holy kingdom ; thus in a manner not 
 to be fully described, prays your concerned and deep- 
 ly sympathizing friend, 
 
 M. D. 
 
 " Bristol, 4th Mo. 29th, 1799." 
 
 In reviewing her late engagements, and alluding to 
 the disturbed state of public affairs, she writes as fol- 
 lows : — 
 
 a Truly the signs of the times are awful, and 
 
 every thing enforces, with emphatic language, the ne- 
 cessity of dwelling near, or withiu that impregnable 
 fortress, where these things cannot move us from the 
 calming, consoling persuasion of divine sufficiency. 
 May our minds be mercifully stayed in holy quiet, 
 while the potsherds strive with the potsherds of the 
 earth. Often does my spirit long that we, as a people, 
 may gather more and more into this precious habita- 
 tion, out of that spirit which produces tumult, or min- 
 gles with it ; and thus exalt the pure peaceable princi- 
 ple, which through all, I cannot but steadily believe, 
 is making its own way even gloriouslyJn many minds, 
 and will spread in the earth, until men beat their 
 sivords into ploughshares, and their spears into prun- 
 ing hooks. 
 
 u Never did a more convincing evidence attend my 
 mind than of later times, that a great work is on the 
 wheel of Almighty power in this favoured nation; 
 where there are truly many righteous, whose fervent 
 intercessions are no doubt availing, and many others 
 evidently enquiring the way to the kingdom of inward 
 settlement. To these the gospel message is joyful^ 
 
1798—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 20/ 
 
 and precious is the liberty felt in proclaiming it ; under 
 the sense whereof, in seasons of close bat truly reliev- 
 ing labour, my soul has been bowed in awful admira- 
 tion of what the Lord is doing for the honour of His 
 own name, and the advancement of truth." 
 
 She returned with her family to Ireland early in the 
 year 1800, and was not long at home before she mani- 
 fested the renewal of gospel concern for the members 
 of her own Monthly Meeting, by visiting them in their 
 families : she also held some public Meetings in Clon- 
 mel, and places adjacent. 
 
 The unsoundness of principle, which about this 
 time was distressingly evinced by many who had filled 
 conspicuous stations in our Society, was a source of 
 deep heartfelt sorrow to this true and loyal subject of 
 the King immortal, for the increase of whose dominion 
 she had long < laboured and not fainted? The follow- 
 ing letter will show how earnestly she desired the pre- 
 servation and help of her fellow professors, as well as 
 the clearness and consistency of her own views, with 
 respect to the fundamental truths of Christianity. 
 
 " Suirville, near Clonmel, Sth mo. 22d, 1800, 
 " MY DEAR FRIEND, 
 
 "In returning the manuscript with which thou en- 
 trusted me, allow me to observe, that though the sys- 
 tem therein laid down is, to the eye of reason, very 
 plausible, it is one my understanding, or rather my 
 best judgment, as sensibly revolts from as that of the 
 writer did at the contrary. It is not written in the lines 
 of my experience ; and having from the earliest opening 
 of my understanding in spiritual things, endeavoured 
 simply to receive what in the light which maketh ma- 
 nifest might be revealed, I may add, that according 
 
208 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XII. 
 
 hereto I conceive it to be an erroneous system, formed 
 more by the strength of the rational or natural faculty, 
 than the clear unfolding of pure wisdom, in that spot 
 where the creaturely judgment is taken away, and 
 adopted by a part not yet fully subjected to the cross 
 of Christ. 
 
 "My spirit will, if happily preserved, ever comme- 
 morate that mercy, which restrained from those specu- 
 lative researches to which my nature strongly inclined, 
 and which, as a temptation likely to prevail, in my first 
 desires for certainty, closely beset me. Many a laby- 
 rinth might I have been involved in, in many a maze 
 enveloped, had the various voices which are in the 
 world, (the religious world,) been, in conjunction with 
 these besetments, attended to. Were it needful I could 
 tell thee much of the danger to which my best life has 
 been exposed, but the standard at first erected being 
 held steady in my view by divine power, even, (1 speak 
 it with humble gratitude,) I will know nothing but 
 Jesus Christ, and Him crucified, proved a barrier to 
 those wanderings in speculative opinions, which I be- 
 lieve would have to me, and have to many mercifully 
 enlightened minds, been the means of obstruction to a 
 progress in the way of redemption ; and introduced into 
 that circuitous path where the peaceful termination is 
 not beheld. 
 
 a Why should we seek to explore, or reconcile to 
 our understandings, the work or plan of redemption, 
 formed and carried into effect by divine unerring wis- 
 dom and love ? Can our creation, in the first instance 
 or since, be fathomed by all the finite powers of man? 
 And shall a more, (I was going to say,) stupendous 
 work, that of redemption, be arraigned, approved or 
 rejected by these powers, and the constituent parts of 
 
1798—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 2®9 
 
 the wondrous edifice so shaken that the whole is in 
 danger of being levelled? Oh! that every attempt of 
 this kind may be mercifully defeated. 
 
 " Wherein does our spiritual life consist ? Is de- 
 bate, speculation and reasoning the nourishment of 
 the immortal part ? Is it matured by food so inferior 
 to its nature ? Rather will it gradually weaken and 
 come to decay, if not replenished from a source equal 
 to its origin ; the pure milk of the eternal word. 
 
 Mayest thou, my beloved friend, partake hereof and 
 be sweetly satisfied : any thing contrary to this is dan- 
 gerous food, strengthening only that part destined 
 by sacred determination for subjection to that power 
 which, if suffered to reign, will reduce into holy 
 order, harmony, and love. 
 
 " From this state, in the rational and animal crea- 
 tion, there was a departure in the original fall or de- 
 generacy of man ; and in succession, as descendants 
 from transgressing man, we partake of a nature or dis- 
 position to evil. Notwithstanding, as early as the 
 fall, there was, and iu perpetuity has been and is, a 
 pure holy seed or principle, to counteract the propen- 
 sities so produced ; and though no guilt attaches 
 where there has not been a joining with the evil, yet, 
 being possessed of a transgressing nature, we indi- 
 vidually need redemption from it. Nor are we really 
 so redeemed, and delivered from the bondage of cor- 
 ruption, until, through the sanctifying influence of that 
 pure gift vouchsafed as a light, leader and restorer, 
 we experience the crucifixion of the old man, (the first 
 nature,) with his deeds, and, in the gradual process 
 of refinement, a putting 'jora the new man, which after 
 God is created in righteousness and true holiness. 9 
 
 66 1 fully believe, that as soon as man was redeem- 
 er 
 
210 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XII 
 
 ed, after and out of transgression, it was through faith 
 in the promised deliverer, and submission to the di- 
 vinely operative and efficient means, mercifully pro- 
 vided by matchless love. Yet it pleased the same 
 love and inscrutable wisdom, in the fulness of time, 
 to open the way more perfectly by the appearance or 
 manifestation of this appointed Saviour in the flesh, 
 therein to fill up that measure of suffering seen meet. 
 It is not our business to enquire why this should be a 
 part of the marvellous plan, but, thankfully content 
 with the remedy so graciously provided, and behold- 
 ing what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon 
 us, humbly to partake of the offered salvation, by re- 
 ceiving and walking in that light leading to immor- 
 tality, through the glorious dispensation of the gospel 
 or power of Christ ; the pure eternal word, 6 whereby 
 all things were made. 9 What a convincing testimony 
 to the eternal Godhead of the Son, and thereby proving 
 Him to be an Omnipotent Saviour, as well as holy 
 pattern of all excellence. 
 
 " Never was there a more full and plain system 
 than that of the gospel ; never can the strongest pow- 
 ers of the creature add to its clearness and beauty, 
 though the plainest truths may be rendered doubtful, 
 and the way complex, by subtle reasonings aud elo- 
 quent disquisitions. I repeat, let us be content ; we 
 have not as a people followed a cunningly devised 
 fable, and there are, I trust those yet preserved who 
 can go further, and say, i it is truth, and no lie f hav- 
 ing seen with their eyes, heard with their ears, and 
 been permitted to taste of the word of life, and if re- 
 quired, could, through Almighty help, seal their testi- 
 mony by the surrender of the natural life. 
 
 H Little did I expect to enlarge thus, and far is it 
 
798—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 211 
 
 from me to enter into controversy and debate, a poor 
 employment for one apprehending a more solemn call ; 
 but my heart earnestly longs that the Lord's children 
 may stand firm in this day of shaking and great trial. 
 Let none beguile any of their promised reward, 
 through leading into reasoniugs and perplexing uncer- 
 tainty. { 1 am the way, the truth, and the life/ is a 
 compendious lesson, a holy limit, and ' no man cometh 
 unto the Father, but by me.' 
 
 u I quarrel with none about forms, or differing in 
 non-essentials, but this is the one certain direction, 
 the consecrated path to salvation, through the divine 
 lawgiver ; and if happily attended to, all will be well 
 here and for ever ! 
 
 " Thou and thine are dear to my best and affec- 
 tionate feelings, write to me freely if so inclined, I 
 should be glad to hear from, and be remembered by 
 thee, and am thy sincere friend, 
 
 MARY DUDLEY," 
 
312 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIII. 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 Visit to some parts of England, subsequent domestic afflic- 
 tion, family visit in Waterford, and journey into Lein- 
 ster province, from 5mo. 1802 to 12mo. 1804. 
 
 BELIEVING it her duty to pay a religious visit 
 to some of the Eastern and Southern parts of Eng- 
 land, ray dear mother obtained the concurrence of her 
 own Monthly and Quarterly Meetings ; and leaving 
 borne the 8th of the 5th month, reached London on 
 the 16th. She was favoured to attend all the sittings 
 of the Yearly Meeting, and often qualified by her 
 great Master for sharing in the active services of that 
 solemnity. 
 
 She afterwards attended the Quarterly Meetings 
 for Suffolk and Norfolk, as well as many of the par- 
 ticular Meetings in those counties, and also in Essex ; 
 and held numerous Public Meetings, to the relief of 
 her own mind and satisfaction of others. In these 
 engagements she was accompanied by her friends 
 Mary Savory and John Bevans, and occasionally by 
 Samuel Alexander. She returned to London in time 
 for the Quarterly Meeting there, and was afterwards 
 closely engaged for several weeks in the city and 
 neighbourhood, visiting particular and Monthly Meet- 
 ings ; the families belonging to that of Ratcliffe ; and 
 having a large number of Public Meetings, wherein as 
 among her fellow professors, she was strengthened to 
 exalt the testimony of pure truth, and powerfully to 
 
1802 1804.] MARY DUDLEY. 218 
 
 advocate the cause of her Redeemer. While thus em- 
 ployed she writes as follows : 
 
 -" The line of my small engagements is no 
 
 pleasant one, I assure thee, nor can it be so to the ex- 
 ercised traveller, in this day of treacling down and of 
 perplexity. Life seems low every where, and perhaps 
 there has hardly been a time when the opposition to 
 its arising, and consequent struggle before liberty can 
 be obtained, was so sensibly felt: so that it is no won- 
 der if through the prevalence of a wasting, separating 
 spirit, the communication in the line of ministry should 
 be of a more searching kind than has been needful in 
 past times. Oh ! how is the very life wounded by the 
 Herod- like nature in the minds of many. It is indeed 
 a favour to get to some quiet retreat, where an excuse 
 from feelings of this sort is afforded, though only to 
 partake of the fellowship of suffering with the mour- 
 ners in Zion, who are greatly bowed down because of 
 the things which have happened and are happening. It 
 is, however, a great mercy to find that under such exer- 
 cises, a degree of holy certainty is vouchsafed, and the 
 belief confirmed, that although unpleasant bread may 
 be given to distribute, it is of the Lord's preparing, 
 who having graciously helped, ought to be depended 
 on through all. 1 hope I am endeavouring not to eat 
 the bread of idleness, however small my ability for 
 availing labour, or undeserving I feel of a crumb from 
 the Master's table." 
 
 While in London my beloved mother was much 
 tried with illness, and frequently confined, after any 
 particular exertion, for many days together, so that as 
 the season advanced she began to be anxious for a re- 
 turn home, and was thankful when she felt easy to set 
 forward about the middle of the 10th month. 
 
214 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIII, 
 
 Relative to her engagements after leaving London, 
 she seems only to have preserved the following brief 
 observations. 
 
 "Fourth day the 14th of 10th month, 1802, 
 
 we went to High Wycomb, where we were cordi- 
 ally received at the house of our dear friend, Adey 
 Bellamy. 
 
 " Sixth day evening had a Meeting at Beaconsfield, 
 about six miles distant, it was held in a room at an 
 inn, and proved a solid satisfactory season. A. B. was 
 well concerned in the line of ministry. The Forenoon 
 Meeting at Wycomb on first day, was very exercising : 
 information being circulated, a considerable number of 
 the inhabitants collected with Friends at three o'clock, 
 and we were favoured with a very relieving, solemn 
 opportunity, though the labour was trying to my poor 
 body. A time of retirement with our little company, in 
 the evening, was productive of increasing peace, and 
 proved a memorable parting with some beloved con- 
 nections, including Joseph and Mary Savory, who had 
 come from London to take leave of us. 
 
 " Second day the 19th. After another religious sit- 
 ting in the family, we left Wycomb and got that night 
 to Reading, where there was a fresh experience of con- 
 flicting exercise from some unseen cause; but in the 
 morning of third day a town we had passed through 
 sprang up to view, and we returned to Henley. At- 
 tended the usual Meeting there on fourth day, and 
 though the number was small, there were among them 
 such as felt of the wrestling seed, to whom encourage- 
 ment flowed, and the recompence of peace was afford- 
 ed for the return thither. Went again to Reading that 
 afternoon, and attended Meeting there on fifth day, 
 when such awful views were presented to my tried 
 
1802 — 1804.] MARY DUDLEY. 215 
 
 mind that I did not marvel at the previous baptism as 
 into the cloud. Ah! how various are the lets and hin- 
 drances to spiritual advancement! the world, the flesh, 
 and the evil one, opposing the work which the Lord 
 mercifully begins in Meetings and individuals, and 
 from one step to another introducing into darkness and 
 death. On this account my soul mourned in this Meet- 
 ing, yet through honest labour I was favoured with 
 relief, but not refreshment, a rare enjoyment in the 
 present trying day. 
 
 a \y e reached Bath on seventh day afternoon, where 
 I was confined several days by severe indisposi- 
 tion, but through divine favour was enabled to attend 
 Meeting on fifth day, notice of which had been given 
 to some of the inhabitants, and though fewer came than 
 was desirable, it proved a solid, relieving season. 
 
 66 First day, 21st, sat both Meetings at Bristol in a 
 state of suffering silence ; attended the burial of an old 
 and dear friend, Joan Holbrow, and paid a visit to 
 some of the mourners in the afternoon. 
 
 " Second day, sat the Monthly Meeting at Fren- 
 chay ; 4th had a Public Meeting at Thornbury, and 
 went from thence to our friend John Lury's, where we 
 spent a day or two : first day attended the two Meet- 
 ings at Bristol, where, in the evening a little ability 
 was granted vocally to pray for the deliverance of such 
 as are oppressed by the darkness which is so preva- 
 lent in that Meeting, and afterwards to express a few 
 words of encouragement to an exercised and tried rem- 
 nant. Second day evening a portion of comfort was 
 administered, in a solemn opportunity with a large 
 company at the house of my beloved friend, George 
 Fisher ; and on third day I was enabled by close ex- 
 ercise to gain some relief in the Meeting at Bristol. It 
 
§16 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIII. 
 
 was a season laborious both to body and mind, but one 
 that affords satisfaction in the retrospect ; and indeed 
 this little visit altogether has been particularly satis- 
 factory ; with some it has felt like a final parting, and 
 the recollection of having once more met will, I be- 
 lieve, afford mutual comfort." 
 
 The apprehension just mentioned, proved correct, 
 this being the last visit my dear mother paid to her 
 native city, and several of her dear and long known 
 friends were pretty soon afterwards removed by death. 
 
 From Bristol she crossed the New-passage into 
 Wales, and attended Meetings in the way to Mil- 
 ford, whence she sailed for Ireland; and was favour- 
 ed to reach her own abode in safety near the end of 
 the 11th mo. though in a very broken state of health, 
 and under considerable depression of mind, from a 
 settled belief that some heavy trials were impending. 
 This view soon became painfully realized, and her 
 affectionate feelings were keenly wouuded by the death 
 of several near relatives occurring in quick succession, 
 so that the few first months of 1803 were signally 
 marked by sorrow and bereavements. 
 
 The summer was chiefly passed under the pressure 
 of bodily suffering, which was at times so severe as to 
 induce the apprehension that the season of full deliver- 
 ance was at hand ; while at others her mind was still 
 so exercised for the advancement of truth and right- 
 eousness, that it felt as though further labour would 
 be allotted her : and in the depths of affliction she was 
 given not only to behold 'fields white unto harvest/ 
 but afresh to surrender herself, when the Lord might 
 utter His command, to enter into these and work; being 
 favoured with resignation to the will of her divine 
 Master whether as to life or death. 
 
1802—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 217 
 
 In the second month 1804, she went to Waterford, 
 in order to perform some religious service, which she 
 had long had a prospect of, both among Friends and 
 others within those borders : the following extracts 
 from her letters contain an account of this visit. 
 
 " I have cause to be humbly thankful for the 
 
 Meeting yesterday; the covering of solemnity was sen- 
 sibly prevalent over the assembly, and there were many 
 serious seeking minds present, who I trust were not 
 discouraged; while relief was afforded to my exercised 
 spirit, though I believe its struggles respecting this ser- 
 vice are not at an end; for I apprehended from the first 
 feeling about coming here, that the line of my duty 
 would be as much towards others, as the members of 
 our own Society ; and my view respecting families is 
 rather confined to those lately married, new settlers, 
 and young people in large families. 
 
 "The Meeting this day was exercising but solemn; 
 several who attended yesterday were there ; a late fa- 
 shionable but now thoughtfully concerned person, and 
 her daughter like minded, who are rich in this world, 
 were at both Meetings, and called at my lodgings after. 
 For those who may be termed 'other sheep,' I feel 
 deeply, and am sensible of life being raised by the ad- 
 dition of such panting souls to our assemblies : these, 
 whether of us, or under whatever name, will be cared 
 for, they will be led to rivers of refreshing water, and 
 nourished up unto everlasting life. 
 
 " This has been like the others a laborious week ; 
 but I desire to take every step manifested as the liue 
 of duty, and though run down in strength am won- 
 derfully supported : memorable is the Lord's goodness 
 to my exercised mind. I never remember a more prov- 
 38 
 
218 THE LIFE OF [CHAT. XIII. 
 
 ing season to me iu this line of service, nor is the la- 
 bour attended with much hope, save that an increase 
 of peace is humbly hoped for, and perhaps a little ad- 
 dition of strength to sustain future trials may be mer- 
 cifully bestowed." 
 
 After an interruption of the engagement by a heavy 
 cold, which confined her some days, she writes ; 
 
 "My late indisposition has impeded the work, 
 
 but being in the will of Him who knows what is best, 
 I ought to be content, and I am very tenderly cared 
 for, many ways. I attended the Monthly Meeting to 
 day; the first sitting was a season of some labour, and 
 a visit to the Men's not less trying to body and mind ; 
 but these exercises feel a part of the allotted burden in 
 this place, where in a spiritual sense small indeed are 
 my portions of pleasant bread. 
 
 " The labours of the last week have sensibly ex- 
 hausted me, yet I got to Meeting yesterday, and was 
 mercifully strengthened to clear out in such a way that 
 I trust much more is not likely to be called for in this 
 line, while here. I hope I shall long gratefully remem- 
 ber the Meeting last evening, one so large and quiet 
 has scarcely been known here; and I think the cover- 
 ing of solemnity increased to the last. In both instances 
 gracious help and relief of mind were afforded, to the 
 bowing of my soul in reverent thankfulness, and only 
 for the Monthly Meeting to-morrow, and wishing to 
 see an individual or two lately come home, I believe 
 I might have comfortably left Waterford." 
 
 She had opportunities with the individuals alluded 
 to, and was enabled to perform some other religious 
 service to her additional relief and satisfaction, besides 
 attending the Monthly Meeting, and returned home 
 
1802—1804.] MARY DUDLEY. 219 
 
 the latter end of the 3rd mo. with feelings of peaceful 
 poverty ; which she often spoke of as a sufficient re- 
 compeuce for any labour she might be engaged in. 
 
 Before leaving home to attend the Yearly Meeting in 
 Dublin this year, my dear mother obtained the concur- 
 rence of her friends for some religious service to which 
 she apprehended herself called in the province of Lein- 
 ster; and while in the Metropolis she wrote as follows. 
 
 " Sadness and silent mourning have been most- 
 ly my lot, and the labour assigned is of a close and ar- 
 duous kind. According to my feelings things are sor- 
 rowfully low, and in the various sittings life has been 
 sensibly oppressed ; yet a sense of continued mercy 1 
 has sustained, and in knowing that we, as a people, 
 still have a gracious and long-suffering Father to do 
 with, faith in His love is renewed, and the hope of a 
 revival amongst us at times consoles. 
 
 " The Afternoon Meeting on first day was deferred 
 till six o'clock, and notice circulated among those not 
 in profession with Friends. At the hour appointed a 
 large number assembled, and an evident covering of 
 solidity prevailed in time of silence, to which I was 
 strengthened to bear testimony ; being made consoling- 
 ly sensible that there were present, seeking, upright 
 minds, to whom was held forth the nature of a wor- 
 ship unmixed and acceptable in the sight of divine 
 purity. I have reason to acknowledge that so far the 
 Lord hath helped, to His name alone be the praise! 
 
 " The Meeting on third day was a truly exercising 
 season, yet one which left me considerably relieved, 
 and free to depart ; which I esteem a favour, whether 
 any fruits of the labour be seen or not. It was alto- 
 gether a day of solemnity, other seasons occurring 
 
2S0 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIII. 
 
 which were owned by feelings not at our command, 
 and which ought to produce thankfulness." 
 
 On leaving Dublin the 10th of 5th mo. she was ac- 
 companied by Susanna Hill, a dear friend and fellow 
 minister who felt inclined to join her, and proved not 
 only a kind and affectionate helper, but a valuable as- 
 sociate in the labour that succeeded ; respecting which 
 the following account is taken from my dear mother's 
 letters. 
 
 " The Monthly Meeting at Carlow on sixth 
 
 day was tolerably attended by such as have not given 
 up the practice, and was a suffering time. S. Hill ex- 
 ercised her acceptable gift in a short testimony, and the 
 first sitting closed with supplication. I was soon at- 
 tracted to the Men's Meeting, and there as well as 
 among my sisters was relieved by communicating what 
 impressed me, notwithstanding life was low. Friends 
 in these parts who are concerned for the cause of truth, 
 and take any share in maintaining the discipline, are 
 greatly to be felt for. 
 
 " We went to Meeting at Kilconnor on first day 
 morning ; I believe the members generally got out, 
 and there were also some others of different professions. 
 It was a season of trying exercise, as might be expect- 
 ed among such as have evidently joined with the spirit, 
 customs and fashions of this world, in appearance I 
 think to an uncommon degree; but I was mercifully 
 relieved of a burden very heavy to bear, and for this I 
 desire to be thankful. We returned to Carlow, where 
 I had requested the Afternoon Meeting might be post- 
 poned, and an invitation given to the inhabitants. At 
 half past five^ many not in profession with us, as well 
 as most who attend Meetings, assembled ; and this also 
 
1802 1804.] MARY DUDLEY. 221 
 
 proved a time of labour, so that I felt weary enough in 
 body though supported to my admiration. 
 
 " There are very few of our name at Athy, but se- 
 veral solid persons attended the usual week day Meet- 
 ing, which was a solemn season ; yet my mind was not 
 relieved without having one of a more public kind ap- 
 pointed for the next morning. This may be acknow- 
 ledged as a very favoured time. A large number of 
 serious persons were present from amongl the Metho- 
 dists, and Evangelical Society ; one of their preachers, 
 and a clergyman with his wife, &c. I trust the precious 
 cause was not injured, while ability was renewedly 
 given to proclaim the doctrines of the unchangeable 
 gospel, and my mind felt so relieved that I could have 
 left the place ; but we had reason to be satisfied with 
 that evening's detention. The preacher of the Evan- 
 gelical Society already mentioned, came to our lodg- 
 ings, with whom I was very unexpectedly led to enter 
 upon some points of doctrine held by that sect. I do 
 not remember when a conversation of such sort left me 
 more satisfied, or in the retrospect afforded greater 
 confirmation to the belief, that however the Christian 
 world is separated into various forms, there is, when 
 impartially enquired into, less real difference than we 
 are aware of. This man seems on ground becoming a 
 professor of the one faith, and breathing a spirit which 
 would not exclude any, but longs for all to be gather- 
 ed to the teachings of the true Shepherd. I was un- 
 commonly thoughtful about him next morning, and felt 
 desirous for another interview, but supposed he had 
 gone off early ; on coming down I found he had so de- 
 signed, but inclining to call in at T. Chandlee's missed 
 the boat. "We breakfasted together, and a season to 
 be thankfully commemorated succeeded, under which 
 
2&2 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIII. 
 
 covering we took leave of one who had been made dear 
 to our best feelings ; he saying that he was < thankful 
 to that adorable providence which had cast his lot 
 there that week, and brought us to be acquainted.' 
 
 " We reached Roscrea seventh day afternoon, the 
 Meeting on first day morning was a trying one ; the 
 world is a cloud to our assemblies, and the concerns of 
 it a bar to the growth of vital religion. A Public Meet- 
 ing in the evening was largely attended, but the people 
 being evidently under the feeling of expectation, and 
 not gathered in mind, caused the labour to be propor- 
 tionably arduous. At length however a precious co- 
 vering was spread, and the Meeting closed under a 
 thankful sense of divine goodness. 
 
 U We were detained on second day by very heavy 
 rain, but had some seasons of religious retirement in 
 the families of our friends ; and on third day after a 
 solemn and relieving opportunity in the house of our 
 cousin E. D., set out with a kind Mend W. N., who 
 had accompanied and staid with us ; reached Coole- 
 rain, his place of residence, to tea, and on fourth day 
 attended the Monthly Meeting at Mountrath. The 
 first sitting was low and exercising, a silent and pain- 
 ful travail of spirit being our portion. In the women's 
 Meeting we endeavoured honestly to discharge what 
 we conceived our duty ; and though great dismay 
 seems almost to overspread many rightly concerned 
 minds, yet I think there was a sweet solemn influence 
 to be felt, and the business was conducted in a solid 
 manner. We visited our brethren, and with them 
 had a time of close exercise, but relieving to both of 
 us." 
 
 After this Meeting, an illness under which my dear 
 mother had been suffering for several days became so 
 
1802 1804).] MARY DUDLEY. 223 
 
 oppressive, that she was compelled to lie by for a day 
 or two, and not getting better deemed it most prudent 
 to return home. She accordingly left Mountrath on 
 second day, and travelling slowly reached her own 
 house the following evening 29th of 5th month, greatly 
 indisposed ; but with thaukfulness of mind for the fa- 
 vour of being restored to her husband and children, 
 and a peaceful retrospect of having pursued the path 
 of manifested duty as far as health was afforded. She 
 continued very unwell for many weeks, her complaint 
 proving something of a slow bilious fever, which she 
 thought was in a great measure induced by sleeping in 
 a room that had been newly painted. 
 
 In the 12th mo. she passed a few weeks in Cork, 
 visitiug Friends, and some of other denominations, in 
 what appeared to her the line of religious duty, and 
 having two Public Meetings, besides several for differ- 
 ent classes in our own Society. The service, though 
 of an exercising kind, proved peculiarly relieving, so 
 that she felt thankful for having been enabled to use 
 the small portion of faith wherein she had entered upon 
 this 'work and labour of love? 
 
224) THE LIFE OF £cHAP. XIV. 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 Religious Visit to some parts of Leinster and Munsler— 
 Illness in the Family, and Death of her Husband and Son. 
 From 2nd Month 1805 to 12th Month 1807. 
 
 IN the second month 1805, she obtained liberty from 
 the Monthly Meeting for the performance of some reli- 
 gious service within the limits of her own Quarterly 
 Meeting, and at Ross, in the county of Wexford ; re- 
 specting which the following particulars are extracted 
 from her letters and memoranda. 
 
 " Youghall, 2nd Mo. 9th, 1805. 
 " The Meeting here on fourth day was a so- 
 
 lemn relieving season, rather unusually so. Several 
 not in profession with us were there, and I ventured to 
 appoint a public Meeting for next day, which was a 
 very favoured time ; those present behaved solidly, and 
 were of a description towards whom much liberty was 
 felt in preaching the gospel, and for whom I trust 
 prayer was acceptably made. I was more than satis- 
 fied, as I have had cause to be, through gracious un- 
 merited regard, at different seasons since coming here. 
 A solid young man who has attended Meetings for a 
 year past, was with us last evening, to my comfort, and 
 I hope his also. 
 
 "Yesterday the 18th was fully occupied with 
 
 two laborious Meetings in Cork, the first unusually so. 
 Many of different religious denominations were present 
 
1805 — 1807-] MARY DUDLEY. 225 
 
 at the second Meeting, but I felt excused from appoint- 
 ing one of a more public kind, which I esteem a favour ; 
 the time was altered an hour, as the Morning Meeting 
 held long. This day the Meeting at Castle Martyr 
 was held at twelve o'clock, in a room over the Market- 
 house. I was relieved by this opportunity with the 
 people, though the veil which seems indeed thick over 
 the minds of many, causes the labour to be hard, and 
 at times attended with but little hope. Yet if the line 
 of duty so open it ought to be simply followed, and the 
 help mercifully vouchsafed is enough to stimulate to 
 steady obedience. 
 
 " The Meetings at Glanmire and Middleton were 
 satisfactory, and as the inhabitants of Riverstown were 
 invited when that at Glanmire was held, relief of mind 
 respecting that place also was obtained ; and visits to 
 some public institutions in the neighbourhood were also 
 productive of peace. 
 
 u Third month 7th, left home for Waterford, and on 
 the 8th attended the usual Meeting there, a very low 
 season to the travelling seed. 10th. A suffering Meet- 
 ing, but through an acceptable testimony life was a 
 little raised, and supplication poured forth. Several 
 solid persons came to the Afternoon Meeting, which 
 was a time of some relief, but the views being too much 
 outward tended to check the rising of the pure spring. 
 
 "On the 11th, went to Ross, sat in the families of 
 Friends there, and on fifth day had notice circulated of 
 a Public Meeting at eleven o'clock, to which an appa- 
 rently serious company of the genteeler class came. It 
 was a memorable season indeed ; a preciously solemn 
 influence being prevalent, and much liberty felt in pro- 
 claiming the way of life and salvation. At the conclu- 
 29 
 
220 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIV, 
 
 sioti of the Meeting, Friends were desired to remain, 
 and a time of relief ensued with them collectively; 
 
 " This long impending visit to Ross was comfortably 
 accomplished, and I left the place peacefully, under 
 the consoling belief that the Lord is raising the stand- 
 ard of His power in many minds, by bowing to which 
 some who were not a people are become His, and 
 bringing forth fruits acceptable in His holy sight. 
 
 (i Returned to Waterford on the 16th, and next day 
 sat a low suffering Meeting again with Friends there. 
 Oh ! the want of that spiritual exercise which would 
 bring down the blessing, not only upon the head of 
 Aaron, but every class of the people. In the After- 
 noon Meeting, the remembrance of Elijah's sufferings 
 was awful, yet encouraging to the partakers of his spi- 
 rit ; and liberty was felt in saluting this description of 
 the people, under a view of what the ministry, the state 
 of eldership, yea of all called to active service in the 
 church should, and might be. Close doctrine also 
 flowed to the worldly-minded, the supine and un- 
 watchful in spirit; but with how little hope does the 
 poor servant sometimes labour, having as it were to 
 plough up as he goes over the ground, instead of find- 
 ing it in a softened prepared state. Faith was how- 
 ever renewed, and the reaching forth of a love precious 
 to feel, led to the appointment of a Public Meeting for 
 the following evening. This was largely attended by 
 persons of various professions, and ability mercifully 
 extended to proclaim the doctrine of free and universal 
 redemption through Christ Jesus. Somewhat of a 
 different spirit was to be felt, even a degree of that 
 which leads to a judging and reasoning down the sim- 
 plicity of the pure unchangeable gospel. But while 
 the mysteries of the everlasting kingdom are hidden 
 
1805—-1807-] MARY DUDLEY. 227 
 
 from the wise and prudent, they are still revealed unto 
 babes, the humble and the contrite; a precious remnant 
 of whom could be saluted in the prevalence of love and 
 life, and at the conclusion praise waited in Zion and 
 thanksgiving was poured forth in the congregation. 
 May the vessel, (altogether unworthy such refreshing 
 influence,) be preserved by Him who can only keep it 
 in sanctification and fitness to receive renewed fillings, 
 or bear resignedly the emptyings which infinite wisdom 
 may appoint, that the Lord may be all in all for ever- 
 more. Amen and Amen ! 
 
 " Third month 21st. Left Waterford for Pilltown, 
 where a Meeting was held at twelve o'clock. It was 
 attended by a considerable number of serious Pro- 
 testants, and a few Roman Catholics, aud proved a 
 time of remarkable solemnity. The people appeared 
 to be measurably acquainted with the nature of spi- 
 ritual worship, so that way readily opened for the 
 gospel message, which through the renewings of holy 
 help was proclaimed to some happily alive to its 
 power. 
 
 " The succeeding day there w r as a Meeting in the 
 village of Portlaw, with a large company of very quiet 
 orderly people ; many having left their ploughs and 
 other employments to come at the invitation of Friends. 
 This season was also memorably owned by the spread- 
 ing of the holy wing, and my spirit, with that of 
 others present, bowed in thankfulness to the author of 
 all good. A clergyman who was at the Meeting came 
 afterwards to see us, and expressed satisfaction at hav- 
 ing been there; making observations which affected 
 me greatly, as evidencing an increase of that glorious 
 light which is opening the spirituality of religion, 
 
228 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIV. 
 
 where education aud long habit had strengthened pre- 
 judice against it. 
 
 " I returned home next day, the 23rd of 3rd month, 
 and was favoured to find all well, which I had been 
 helped to leave under the great Shepherd's care, to 
 whom be the praise of His own works, and conduct- 
 ing, preserving goodness, now and for ever !" 
 
 Soon after her return home my dear mother be- 
 came indisposed with an affection of the lungs, and 
 was wholly confined for several months, during which 
 time she was brought very low both in body and 
 mind; several afflicting circumstances in her family, 
 and the circle of her friends, combining to mark the 
 remainder of this year, and nearly the whole of the 
 following, as a period of peculiar trial. For many 
 months her own habitation presented a scene of sick- 
 ness and sorrow, she and her daughter Hannah being 
 ill at the same time, and confined in separate chambers, 
 unable to see each other, and for a while with but 
 little prospect of either being restored. 
 
 In the 6th mo. 1806, a bitter cup was administered 
 in the decease of my dear brother Robert, who had 
 resided for some time at a distance from his near con- 
 nexions ; and being removed after only a few hours 
 illness, the stroke was indeed heavy, and as such 
 keenly felt. 
 
 He was the last of five sons whom she had taken the 
 charge of on her marriage, and being the first who 
 addressed her by the endearing appellation of mother, 
 and very affectionate in his behaviour, he had always 
 been peculiarly near to her ; though her love and ten- 
 der care were uniformly manifested towards each of 
 them ; while, on their part, an attentive and respectful 
 
1805—1807.] MARY DUDLEY. 229 
 
 demeanour has frequently induced her to observe, with 
 grateful emotion, that she never desired more affec- 
 tionate or dutiful conduct from her own children, than 
 what she received from some of her adopted sons. 
 
 When she had herself become a parent, she was so 
 circumspect in preventing any discernible difference, 
 that it was not until after the death of several of the 
 former family, the younger part had any idea that 
 such a distinction existed. She found one of her hus- 
 band's sons far gone in a consumption, who died the 
 year after her marriage at about the age of thirteen 
 years ; and another sweet youth was taken off before 
 lie attained that of twenty. The eldest, a valuable 
 religious character, married agreeably, and seemed 
 likely to possess length of days, but being attacked 
 with rheumatic fever, his constitution rapidly sunk, 
 and exactly fourteen weeks from the day of his mar- 
 riage his remains were consigned to the grave. These 
 three she had the satisfaction of attending to the last, 
 as they all died under the parental roof, and bore 
 ample testimony to the tenderness and unremitting 
 care of their anxious mother. 
 
 Nor was this less the case with one who lived many 
 years longer, and experienced her kind and efficient 
 help under a suffering and tedious illness, which at 
 length terminated in his death in the year 1801, at 
 Clifton. When informed that his little children 
 were taken charge of, in order to set his wife at li- 
 berty to visit and stay with him, he spoke of this last 
 act of his dear mother's as crowning her invariable 
 kindness, and calling forth from him lively feelings of 
 gratitude. 
 
 In the 3rd mo. 1807? she spent a week or two in 
 Cork, feeling bound to sit a few Meetings with 
 
S30 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIV. 
 
 Friends there, and also to encourage some who were 
 appointed to perform a family visit by joining in a few 
 of the first sittings. She afterwards obtained from 
 her own Monthly Meeting a certificate for some reli- 
 gious service among Friends, as well as those of 
 other professions, in Leinster and Munster, and after 
 attending the National Yearly Meeting in Dublin, 
 had a Public Meeting in that city, and thence pro- 
 ceeded to Mount Mellick. Her friend Jane Jacob 
 was united with her in this engagement, of which the 
 following account is transcribed from my dear mother's 
 letters. 
 
 —"In the Meeting at Mount Mellick on first 
 
 day morning, a lively offering was the means of 
 raising life, and opening the way for my relief in a 
 considerable degree. The Afternoon Meeting was 
 not so large as it might have been if Friends bad a 
 little more faith ; but fearing the people could not be 
 accommodated they were too confined in the notice 
 they circulated, so that although a solid time, it was 
 not so fully relieving as I wished. 
 
 " The Meeting at Portarlington on second day was 
 one worthy of being remembered with gratitude ; and 
 one at Maryborough held in the Sessions-house on 
 fourth day evening, was uncommonly large, quiet, 
 and mercifully owned by the precious influence of 
 good. A large portion of vocal exercise fell to my lot, 
 and the attention evinced while the doctrines of the 
 gospel were unfolded, encouraged the belief that in 
 many hearts the ground is preparing for the reception 
 of the heavenly seed. The season terminated with 
 humble acknowledgment of the Lord's continued 
 favour; many looked at and spoke to us so kindly, 
 that it was manifest they received us in love. 
 
1805—1807.] MARY DUDLEY. 231 
 
 "The usual Meeting at Mountrath was deferred to 
 twelve o'clock on fifth day, and an invitation circu- 
 lated among the inhabitants; many solid persons 
 attended, and He who prepareth the heart, and from 
 whom is the answer of the tongue, strengthened for 
 the work which He required. At the conclusion, 
 such as were in profession with us were requested to 
 remain, and a time of labour succeeded which proved 
 relieving to my mind. 
 
 " Sixth day we went to Rosenallis, where a barn 
 had been nicely fitted up, and a Meeting appointed 
 for the evening. It was nearly filled, principally 
 with those of the labouring classes, while some few of 
 a different description were present ; and though it is 
 not remembered by any Friends here that a Meeting 
 has been held in this place before, yet the manner of 
 the people sitting was like those who were well ac- 
 quainted with silent waiting. Their minds felt in such a 
 prepared state, that it was no wonder a gracious pro- 
 vider should see meet to afford something for their re- 
 freshment, which I trust was the case; and the labour 
 was attended with a hope that it would not be all in vain. 
 The manner of their withdrawing from the Meeting 
 was solemn, and I heard no word spoken, nor saw 
 any one even whispering : a good lesson for us after 
 solid Meetings, to keep in quiet and digest what hath 
 been given. 
 
 " The Morning Meeting at Mount Mellick on first 
 day the 17th of 5th month, was exercising as to what 
 appeared my duty in it. I had hoped that the Meet- 
 ing, though thinly attended the week before, would 
 have relieved me without a second attempt ; but at the 
 close of the Morning Meeting I found otherwise, and 
 therefore had notice given of one for six in the evening. 
 
232 THE LIFE or [chap. XIV. 
 
 which, with one held in a Methodist Meeting-house at 
 Monastere^en, was large, and both proved solemn and 
 relieving seasons. Feeling my heart attracted to a small 
 place called Castletown, where many genteel people 
 reside, a few Friends went to try for a place; but no 
 suitable one presenting, I felt desirous of information 
 being circulated in the town that a Meeting would be 
 held in our Meeting-house at Mountrath. This an- 
 swered the purpose, and we were favoured with a very 
 precious opportunity indeed, many coming from Castle- 
 town a mile and a half distant, and some from a mile 
 or two beyond it ; and I believe the gospel message 
 was thankfully received, under which feeling, and af- 
 ter solemn thanksgiving, we parted." 
 
 On her way home she had a Meeting at Kilkenny, 
 which tended to her further relief; and in the 6th mo. 
 she again set out with the same companion for Limerick, 
 joining her beloved friends Deborah Darby and Re- 
 becca Byrd, in a public Meeting at Caher and another 
 at Tipperary, on the way. In Limerick she felt bound 
 to visit the families of Friends, respecting which ser- 
 vice and other religious engagements she thus writes : — 
 
 — " The path of Public Meetings is trying, but 
 
 family visiting is the hardest by far. Ah ! it is lament- 
 able to feel how the precious seed is oppressed almost 
 every where, while many who have not our privileges 
 would thankfully partake of even the least of them. 
 
 " The Meeting on first day evening was largely at- 
 tended by the upper class of inhabitants, several cler- 
 gymen, the mayor, recorder, &c. being present. It was 
 mercifully owned by the sweet influence of divine re- 
 gard, under which ability was graciously vouchsafed 
 for the appointed work ; and a sustaining hope attend- 
 ed that the precious cause of truth and righteousness 
 
1805 — 1807-] MARY DUDLEY. 233 
 
 was not injured by the humble advocate, and that the 
 efforts to promote it would not be altogether lost. 
 
 u In the Meeting on first day morning we passed 
 through much close exercise; there is a variety of 
 ground on which labour is to be bestowed, and truly 
 there is very hard soil in the minds of many professors 
 of the pure truth, but it felt like getting through the 
 work, the sense whereof was thankfully accepted. 
 
 " Having felt much respecting Adair, a village eight 
 miles from Limerick, I was not satisfied to defer the 
 visit there longer than first day afternoon ; we there- 
 fore went soon after Meeting, and I. M. H. having 
 written to a serious clergyman on the subject, we found 
 a large room preparing and the Meeting appointed for 
 five o'clock. He came to see us a little before the time, 
 and some interesting conversation occurred ; but the 
 season was too limited for all he appeared anxious to 
 know or say, and we went to Meeting, where a large 
 number of solid people assembled. The stillness was 
 remarkable, and the doctrines of the gospel seemed to 
 have ready entrance into prepared minds, as truth qua- 
 lified for declaring them. My soul was bowed in thank- 
 ful acknowledgment of divine mercy, and we separated 
 from this simple, religiously disposed company, under 
 the impression of much love. They are called Pala- 
 tines, being mostly descendants of Germans ; they are 
 generally farmers, who live in a neat and comfortable 
 manner. 
 
 "Fourth day at twelve o'clock a Meeting was held 
 at Castleconnell, it was, to my feelings, an awful sea- 
 son. The room was crowded with different descrip- 
 tions, some giddy and thoughtless, many disposed to 
 be solid, two clergymen, and several of a superior class 
 of the inhabitants ; but a large number of such as know 
 30 
 
331 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIV. 
 
 little beyond getting within sound of the voice, unset- 
 tled and at times disturbing to others ; but gracious help 
 was near, and we had reason to be thankful, whether 
 the labour prove availing or not." 
 
 Before leaving Limerick, she addressed the follow- 
 ing letter to the clergyman at Adair. 
 
 " Limerick, 6th Mo. 22nd, 1807. 
 "dear friend ; 
 "I regretted that we were so limited for time, yes- 
 terday, as to prevent our further acquaintance with each 
 other's sentiments, in the line of free communication, 
 to which thou appeared inclined ; and wherein as far 
 as I might be enabled and at liberty, I should have 
 willingly met thee, believing it is consistent with the 
 duty we owe one to another, to ( be ready to give an 
 answer to every man that asketh us a reason of the 
 hope that is in us, with meekness and fear. , ? I believe, 
 when this is done in the spirit of love, which is that of 
 the gospel, it will not have a tendency to raise a wall 
 of separation ; but even when we do not think exactly 
 alike on some points, draw us nearer to that source of 
 light and life, wherein the one blessed state of Chris- 
 tian unity is attained, and the acknowledgment pro- 
 duced that to such as believe , to the saving of the soul, 
 there is but 6 one Lord, one faith, one baptism. 7 I 
 doubt not thou earnestly desires that this precious ex- 
 perience may be that of thousands, and tens of thou- 
 sands, yea, that e the earth may he filed ivith the know- 
 ledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea? I can 
 fully unite herein, and believe assuredly that the God 
 of universal love and mercy, is bringing many to the 
 knowledge of that salvation so freely and fully offered ; 
 and also preparing many instruments who, in His holy 
 
.1805—1807.] MARY DUDLEY. 235 
 
 hand, will be used in forwarding the great work which 
 is evidently on the wheel of divine power. When led 
 to contemplate this, I frequently consider that in order 
 to be made as polished shafts in His quiver, such must 
 abide in patient submission to His preparing, qualify- 
 ing power, and wisely learn the times and seasons, 
 which being in the heavenly Father's hand, are in His 
 wisdom, measured out, and prove by His blessing times 
 of refreshing from His holy presence. 
 
 u These remarks I had not a view of making when 
 I took up my pen, just to say I sincerely wished thee 
 well, and the Lord's cause well, in that and every 
 part of His habitable earth ; but having moved in the 
 liberty which I trust the truth warrants, I hope it may 
 not be unacceptable to thee, from whom in the same, I 
 should be well pleased to hear at any time, shouldst. 
 thou feel inclined to write to me. I herewith send, 
 and request thy kind acceptance of two little tracts, 
 which I consider instructively explanatory of the reli- 
 gious principles professed by us as a Society : and 
 with sentiments of esteem and gospel love, I am thy 
 sincerely well wishing friend, 
 
 MARY DUDLEY." 
 
 A visit to the families in Youghall succeeded her en- 
 gagements at Limerick, and she also held several Pub- 
 lic Meetings there, and in the city of Cork; respecting 
 these services she observes. 
 
 "I have struggled on under a weight of bo- 
 dily oppression, but faith is at times, mercifully victo- 
 rious over the weakness of the flesh and spirit. So doth 
 our gracious helper fulfil His own promise, and evince 
 His power in the needed time. 
 
 "My conflicts have not been small for right direc- 
 
336 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIV. 
 
 tion, and I wish for the clothing of resignation, though 
 my own will may he more and more crucified. Some 
 seasons were in a very particular manner owned by 
 the diffusion of solemn influence ; and while I have a 
 humble hope that the precious cause of truth has not 
 suffered, I do gratefully accept the feeling of release 
 from this part of the vineyard." 
 
 My beloved mother returned home from this jour- 
 ney early in the eighth month, with a relieved and 
 peaceful mind ; but under such a sense of impending 
 affliction as made her frequently sad, and induced the 
 expression of a settled belief that something pecu- 
 liarly trying to her nature was at hand. It was not 
 long before her habitation became the scene of awful 
 calamity ; her beloved husband, the only son who was 
 at home, and her eldest daughter, being attacked at 
 almost the same instant with symptoms of fever. The 
 latter, and another who subsequently caught the dis- 
 ease, were pretty soon restored, but to the two former 
 it pleased Divine Providence to make this illness the 
 means of translation to another state of being. 
 
 She was wonderfully supported during the long sea- 
 son of anxiety and fatigue which fell to her lot; her 
 bodily and mental powers seeming to be renewed day 
 by day, as she watched the declining strength and mi- 
 nistered to the wants of her affectionate and tenderly 
 beloved husband, who survived his son three weeks, 
 and was favoured to make a happy and peaceful close 
 on the 14th of the 12th month, in the seventy-fifth year 
 of his age. Although his bodily sufferings were at 
 times great, yet he was preserved in remarkable pa- 
 tience, and enabled to contemplate his departure from 
 the world with resignation and composure ; whilst he 
 frequently testified, that his faith and hope were found- 
 
1805— 1807- ] MARY DUDLEY. 23? 
 
 ed on the mercy and merits of his Redeemer. He de- 
 rived much comfort from the Holy Scriptures, and the 
 12th chapter of the Epistle to the Hebrews afforded 
 him such peculiar encouragement^ that during the last 
 few days of his life he repeatedly desired it might be 
 read to him, dwelling in an especial manner upon the 
 following verses: 'But ye are come unto Mount Sion, 
 and unto the city of the living God, the heavenly Jeru- 
 salem, and to an innumerable company of angels, to 
 the general assembly and church of the first born, 
 which are written in heaven, and to God the judge of 
 all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect, and 
 to Jesus the Mediator of the new covenant, and to the 
 blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things than that 
 of Abel. 7 This gracious declaration he was favoured 
 to feel so applied to his own soul, that death was dis- 
 armed of its sting ; and he several times said, that 
 through the rich mercy of God in Christ Jesus, the 
 king of terrors was not such to him. 
 
 The fruits of Christian faith and resignation were 
 instructively manifested under this afflictive bereave- 
 ment; for while the loss was deeply wounding to her 
 affectionate feelings, and after a union of thirty years, 
 my beloved mother found herself, i a widow indeed, 
 and desolate,' she was mercifully enabled to trust in 
 God; and so to supplicate for His saving help, that 
 instead of sinking into gloomy sorrow she was qualifi- 
 ed to comfort her children, and set them an animating 
 example oi humble acquiescence with the divine will, 
 and diligent attention to the performance of social and 
 religious duties. 
 
S38 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. XV. 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 Family Visit at Clonmel — Death of her daughter — Re- 
 moval to London — Visit to Friends of Southivark 
 Monthly Meeting — Journey into Dorset and Hants — 
 Religious service within the Quarterly Meeting of London 
 and Middlesex. From 12 mo, 1807 to the end of 1814. 
 
 MY dear mother had for several years believed that 
 her measure of gospel labour in Ireland was nearly 
 filled up, and her husband uniting in the desire of a 
 remo^l to England, they had for a considerable time 
 contemplated this change, and were arranging for its 
 accomplishment when he was attacked with the disease 
 which terminated in his death. This awful event 
 rather tended to confirm her feelings ; and the sense 
 of release from that part of the vineyard was accom- 
 panied by a belief, that she should be called to labour 
 in different parts of her native country, while she 
 clearly saw that the place of her future abode ought 
 to be within the limits of the Quarterly Meeting of 
 London and Middlesex. 
 
 During the last two years of her residence in Clon- 
 mel, she frequently mentioned feeling herself but as 
 a sojourner, and waiting for the season of departure. 
 In the mean time she paid a religious visit to the fami- 
 lies of her own Monthly Meeting, wherein she was 
 joined by her dear niece and child in the gospel, 
 Hannah Grubb, who lived but a few years after- 
 wards. 
 
i807 1814.] MARY DUDLEY. 239 
 
 The necessary preparations for so important a re- 
 moval occupied more time than was anticipated ; and 
 before these were completed, it pleased Infinite Wis- 
 dom again to diminish the family circle, and keenly 
 try the tender feelings of this affectionate mother, by 
 depriving her of a much beloved daughter; one who 
 at the age of twenty-five, and with qualities rendered 
 increasingly valuable by being submitted to the regu- 
 lating influence of religion, was an endeared com- 
 panion and friend, as well as an attentive and dutiful 
 child. 
 
 She had long suffered from ill health, but was so 
 much benefited by spending the summer of 1809 in 
 the neighbourhood of a chalybeate spring, that the 
 impending voyage and journey were looked to as a 
 probable means of completely restoring her. Such, 
 however, was not the will of Him who only knows 
 what is best for His creatures ; and to the praise of 
 His great name it may be recorded, that under this 
 deeply proving affliction the Lord granted adequate 
 support. To this the bereaved parent was strength- 
 ened to testify at the grave of her precious child ; and 
 near the spot where the remains of her husband and 
 son had been recently laid, poured forth the humble 
 acknowledgment of her soul to Him who had been 
 her refuge in many troubles, and was then sustaining 
 in holy confidence, and granting resignation to His 
 will. 
 
 An account of H. D.'s illness and death will be 
 added to this work. See appendix. 
 
 The attendance of the Quarterly Meeting, held at 
 Waterford in the 10th mo. 1810, was the concluding 
 service of my beloved mother in the nation of Ireland, 
 where she had resided thirty-three years, and left a 
 
£10 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XV. 
 
 great number of dear and valuable friends. The 
 separation from these was sensibly felt on both sides, 
 but the bond of Christian union which had been expe- 
 rienced with some was such as neither time nor 
 distance could destroy ; and to the end of her days, 
 she was frequently animated with the feeling of this 
 gospel fellowship, while many in that land have tes- 
 tified that to them her memory is precious. 
 
 She arrived in London with her family, early in 
 the 11th month; and took up her abode within the 
 compass of Southwark Monthly Meeting, to which 
 she was soon after recommended by certificate. 
 
 The first religious service for which my dear 
 mother obtained the concurrence of this Monthly 
 Meeting, was a visit to the families composing it. 
 In this extensive and important work she was joined 
 by her friend and fellow member, J. H. and neither 
 of them being able to move on rapidly, it was a con- 
 siderable time going forward ; but through merciful 
 assistance was ultimately accomplished to their relief 
 and peace. 
 
 She also held Public Meetings in various parts of 
 the city and neighbourhood, feeling her heart en- 
 larged in gospel love, and some of the prospects under 
 which she had been long exercised so matured, that it 
 felt as though her time and strength were to be wholly 
 devoted to the service of her Lord. 
 
 In the summer of 1812 she was much tried with 
 illness, and but partially recovered when she laid 
 before her Monthly Meeting a concern to visit Friends 
 and others, in Dorsetshire and Hampshire. She left 
 home the 18th of the 8th mo. and returned the 5th of 
 the 10th, having travelled above four hundred and 
 sixty miles, and held twenty Public Meetings, besides 
 
1807 1814?.] MARY DUDLEY. 24)1 
 
 attending all belonging to Friends in those counties, 
 and paying family visits in most of the places visited. 
 
 For these various services my beloved mother was 
 strengthened beyond her expectation, and the fol- 
 lowing is transcribed from a short account of the 
 whole. 
 
 "In retracing the merciful dealings of the 
 
 Almighty throughout this journey, it may be thank- 
 fully acknowledged, that although many close exer- 
 cises, and deeply proving baptisms, have been expe- 
 rienced, yet holy help has been so graciously vouch- 
 safed as to produce the tribute of gratitude to Him 
 who has indeed been strength in weakness." 
 
 In the 11th mo. she performed a visit to the fami- 
 lies of Longford Monthly Meeting, and held Public 
 Meetings in several places, within and near its limits, 
 in which service D. C. was her companion. The 
 following account is taken from her letters, and some 
 short memoranda. 
 
 "Eleventh Month 15th. The Meeting at 
 
 Staines was large for the number of members, and a 
 time of exercise ; but there was a door of entrance, and 
 through honest labour life was measurably in dominion, 
 for which thankfulness could be acknowledged ; and I 
 trust also access was mercifully vouchsafed to the 
 throne of grace. 
 
 " 17th. An appointed Meeting at Chertsey, held in 
 a Dissenting Meeting-house, proved a season of rather 
 remarkable favour and relief; the pastor was truly kind 
 in his attentions, sitting with us in one of the pews, and 
 at the conclusion evincing much unity and feeling. 
 
 "In the evening a large, solid, and favoured Public 
 Meeting at Staines, proved a season wherein truth was 
 -St 
 
212 THE LIFE OF (_CHAP. XV* 
 
 mercifully in dominion, for which thanksgiving was I 
 trust, acceptably poured forth. 
 
 " First day, 22nd. Last night we concluded the visit 
 at Staines ; it has been an arduous labour of thirty-one 
 sittings ; I sometimes feel nearly run down ; and at 
 other precious moments, when mercy reigns triumphant, 
 willing to be spent in a cause beyond all things valu- 
 able. This day at Brentford there was a large Meet- 
 ing of Friends, and many truly solid persons; whether 
 accidentally coming or not, their company was strength- 
 ening, and it was a good and relieving season, attend- 
 ed with peaceful feelings. 
 
 " 25th. Commenced a family visit at Uxbridge ; and 
 on the 37th went to Iver, to an appointed Meeting in a 
 room at an inn ; many assembled, who were quiet and 
 attentive, but of a less serious class than are sometimes 
 to be met with. I trust no harm was done to the pre- 
 cious cause, which, however, feebly advocated, it is 
 the desire of our hearts may be advanced, and the 
 Lord's name exalted. 
 
 " 29th. A very large Meeting of Friends and others 
 who accepted the invitation to join us, and it may be 
 truly said that it proved a day of holy solemnity, a 
 time to be thankfully remembered to the praise of Him 
 who is for ever worthy. A renewed favour was grant- 
 ed at the time of the evening sacrifice, with a large 
 company of Friends at our lodgings, which we accept- 
 ed as a token for good in the retreat from this field of 
 labour, and a parting blessing before leaving some, to 
 whom near and precious sympathy had bound in a feel- 
 ing beyond the power of expression. 
 
 " A Meeting at Ripley is fixed for to-morrow, it is 
 heavy in prospect, but surely we may trust a good and 
 
180/—1814.] MARY DUDLEY. 243 
 
 gracious master who has never withheld His assistance, 
 and whose promise remains immutable. 'I am with 
 you always, even to the end of the world? Ah ! if to 
 the end, in mercy and in love, of what small impor- 
 tance will the conflicts be, should these even reach to 
 this period. < The Lord sitteth upon the flood, yea the 
 Lord sitteth King for ever? 
 
 " If we only had a little more faith, what a blessed 
 soaring would there be above the troubles of time; how 
 would the spirit rise into the treasures of eternity, the 
 rich 'inheritance, incorruptible, undejiled, and that 
 fadeth not away? To receive a little renewed capa- 
 city to cast a look here, is a great favour; but though 
 it is good, when in the divine will, to be thus helped, 
 the descendings must also be borne ; and perhaps we 
 are never so fitted to arise as when we have afresh 
 partaken of a state, where, as at * the bottom of the 
 mountains, earth with her bars' have been about us, 
 and the head wrapped as with weeds. 
 
 " Twelfth month 1st. Attended the proposed Meet- 
 ing at Ripley, which was held in a dissenting chapel ; 
 it was a solemn relieving time, among a people wil- 
 lingly receiving the important doctrines of the gospel, 
 as ability for proclaiming them was afforded ; the 
 pastor, a solid looking young man, cordially shook 
 hands with us, and desired that the blessing of hea- 
 venly goodness might be ours. What a day of open- 
 ness and Christian unity is the present ! ?? 
 
 The concluding service in this embassy was a 
 Public Meeting at Windsor, which had cost my be- 
 loved parent much thoughtfulness, and was appointed 
 under a deep sense of its importance, and her own 
 insufficiency for any good word or work. Almighty 
 assistance was however, proportioned to the occasion, 
 
£44 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XV. 
 
 and she thus relates the fulfilment of what had been a 
 heavy prospect. 
 
 _ a To the praise of divine mercy it may be 
 
 thankfully acknowledged, that by the all sufficient 
 help of a gracious Master, this long borue burden is 
 removed : this has been a solemn day, a season of re- 
 newed goodness, and one which afresh encourages the 
 hope o** contiuued aid in every remaining step that 
 infinite vvisdom may appoint." 
 
 Ear! in the year 1813, my dear mother obtained 
 the necessary concurrence of her friends, for such re- 
 ligious service within the Quarterly Meeting of Lon- 
 don and Middlesex as she might apprehend herself 
 called to, and )e favoured with strength to perform. 
 
 Her first engagement was a visit to the families 
 which composed the Monthly Meeting of Barking, 
 wherein she was accompanied by E. J. F. During 
 this service she felt her mind attracted to several 
 places both in the neighbourhood of Friends, and 
 where the principles we profess were but little known, 
 and held numerous Public Meetings to the relief and 
 comfort of her exercised spirit, and there is good 
 ground to believe to the help and instruction of others. 
 
 In briefly noticing some of these seasons she makes 
 the following remarks. 
 
 "Held a Public Meeting this evening, in a 
 
 barn, for the inhabitants of East-Ham, the first which 
 I have ever ventured to appoint in a place where op- 
 position was threatened. This was the case by a 
 magistrate in that parish, but either from fear, or con- 
 viction of being wrong, he was restrained, and the 
 Meeting was, through divine favour, satisfactory and 
 solemn, being also largely attended. 
 
 " A sweet and precious feeling accompanies the be- 
 
1807—1814.] MARY DUDLEY. 2i5 
 
 lief, that in some of these little villages there is a peo- 
 ple under the gracious care of Israel's shepherd, and 
 whom He is gathering by His almighty arm nigh unto 
 Himself." 
 
 After this she was similarly engaged within the pre- 
 cincts of Kingston Monthly Meeting, at the termination 
 of which service she writes as follows : 
 
 " We concluded this work and labour of gos- 
 pel love, by a visit to a family, which completes the 
 fiftieth sitting. I hope that where the seed has been 
 honestly sown, all will not be lost ; but that, through 
 the heavenly blessing, some increase may appear; yet 
 whether this is the case or not, the servant is to receive 
 and follow the word of holy command, and leave the 
 issue to Him who hath all power. 
 
 " It has been a field of labour indeed, and also a 
 time of entering into near sympathy with some who 
 appeared to want strengthening, and encouragement, 
 in order that they might manifest increasing attachment 
 to the cause of righteousness, and experience qualifica- 
 tion to advocate it, according to the purposes of iufinite 
 wisdom and to their own peace. That no stratagem of 
 the adversary may defeat the Lord's work in any of 
 these, is the earnest desire of my spirit." 
 
 A visit to the various Schools conducted by Friends, 
 in the vicinity of London, constituted part of the pre- 
 sent service; and in conjunction with her dear friend 
 Stephen Grellet, she also visited many of the public 
 institutions in the metropolis. She was religiously 
 concerned that the inmates of such charitable asylums 
 should duly estimate and improve their great advan- 
 tages of leisure, and incitement to gratitude ; zl feeling 
 which my beloved mother was accustomed to represent 
 as worthy of being cherished by young and old, and 
 
246 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XV. 
 
 peculiarly acceptable iii the sight of Him from whom 
 every mercy is received. 
 
 The annexed letter will not, it is believed, be un- 
 suitably introduced here. 
 
 " Camberwell, 6th Mo. 18th, 1813. 
 
 cV To Louis Majolier, and other Friends op the Meet- 
 ings in the South of France, visited in 1788. 
 
 u I may truly say, that although so many years have 
 passed over, and various have been your and my con- 
 flicts, beloved friends, many waters have not quenched 
 love; but that this sweetly banding influence, being 
 from time to time renewed, hath made, and still keeps 
 you, as epistles written in my heart ; and while there 
 has been no communication with the tongue or pen, 
 desires, yea fervent prayers have often ascended, that 
 the Gtod of all grace might preserve, strengthen and 
 settle you, in the faith of His unchangeable and glo- 
 rious gospel. This remains the power of God unto 
 salvation to all who happily obey it, though patience, 
 as well as faith, may be closely and painfully proved. 
 
 " Trials were part of the legacy which our dear Lord 
 and Master, Jesus Christ, bequeathed to His bumble 
 followers. f In the world, ye shall have tribulation f 
 but ah ! my beloved brethren and sisters, in Him the 
 light, life, and power, is the treasure of peace, the 
 pearl of great price. In possessing Him as the way, 
 the truth, and the life, in the soul, all is rightly esti- 
 mated ; every sublunary good, or what may be termed 
 evil or afflictive, are kept in their proper subordinate 
 places, and through all and in all, He is the one source 
 of solid hope, the spring of all our help. 
 
 " May you grow then, my dear brethren and sisters, 
 in the root of life, and may this lie so deep, and spread 
 
1807—1814.] MARY DUDLEY. 217 
 
 so widely, that the branches may be lively and the 
 fruit abundant, to the Lord's praise. 
 
 " I sit up in bed, where illness has kept me some 
 days, just to tell those in that dear nation whom I have 
 seen, and so long loved, that they are truly dear to my 
 heart ; as were those who have gone from your little 
 church to that of the first-born in heaven. The feeble 
 but sincere salutation is designed to be handed you by 
 a brother dearly beloved and your countryman, S. Of., 
 whose heart the Lord has so enlarged as to make Him 
 willing at this time of trial to visit you, and such others 
 as he may be turned towards in the pure disinterested 
 love of the gospel. You will doubtless receive him 
 with gladness, and may you be mutually refreshed and 
 comforted, if it be the will of Him who is thus remem- 
 bering His flock and family, scattered up and down on 
 the habitable earth. These the Lord is graciously 
 regarding, not only by calling His devoted messengers 
 to run to and fro, and declare His counsel in the ability 
 received, but causing many to know Him by blessed 
 experience, as the everlasting Shepherd, ready to lead 
 beside the still waters, and in the green pastures of 
 spiritual life. 
 
 " Such will not want, as they humbly and resign- 
 edly follow Him in the paths of righteousness ; but 
 through His abundant mercy, when walking through 
 the valley and shadow of death, be preserved from the 
 fear of evil, and feel His rod and staff to support to, 
 and at the end of all danger, conflict, and pain. This 
 is the rich inheritance, my dear brethren and sisters. 
 which I pray we may each of us diligently seek, and 
 happily obtain ; then in due season we shall meet where 
 parting can be no more, and unite in the one song of 
 harmonious praise through eternal duration. 
 
THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XV. 
 
 " I feel the extension of Christian love to the various 
 classes among yon, and with all my heart say farewell 
 in the Lord ! Your poor feeble, but affectionate sister, 
 
 "MARY DUDLEY." 
 
 At the time of the Autumn Quarterly Meeting, she 
 felt her mind so exercised on account of the young peo- 
 ple belonging to it, as to have a Meeting appointed 
 specially for them, respecting which she made the fol- 
 lowing short memorandum. 
 
 — " 9th mo. 29th, 1813. A large and truly so- 
 lemn season with those constituting the class from chil- 
 dren to youth, and advancing to maturity. The pins 
 of my enfeebled tabernacle seemed sensibly loosening 
 at that time, yet gracious help was vouchsafed, so that 
 some good relief of mind was obtained, and thankful- 
 ness felt for the renewed favour experienced. Strong 
 is the attraction which I feel to this beloved class of 
 the people.'' 
 
 In the 12th mo. she entered upon a visit to some of 
 the families belonging to Devonshire-house Meeting, 
 not feeling bound to the whole, nor expecting that bo- 
 dily strength would admit of extended procedure. 
 
 She had been only a few weeks engaged in the ser- 
 vice, when a heavy and alarming attack of illness oc- 
 casioned an interruption, which continued for several 
 months; during which time she was brought very low 
 indeed, and in her own apprehension, and that of most 
 who saw her, not likely to be again equal to much ac- 
 tive service. But it pleased Him with whom is all 
 power, to raise her from this state of weakness and 
 afresh qualify her to advocate His cause. 
 
 When sufficiently recovered, the visit already men- 
 tioned was resumed, and after having sat in above 
 
1807 1814.] MARY DUDLEY. 249 
 
 thirty families, she felt her mind released from the ex- 
 ercise, and adds the following remark to her notice of 
 the last family she visited. 
 
 " A truly solemn season, confirming in the 
 
 trust that this warfare was not engaged in at our own 
 cost 5 but through unmerited mercy, that all things re- 
 quisite have been vouchsafed, and the blessed experi- 
 ence given in some seasons of refreshing influence, that 
 such as water are watered themselves." In this ser- 
 vice she was accompanied by It. C. 
 
 While confined by illness from one of our Quarter- 
 ly Meetings about this time, she wrote as follows. 
 
 " After parting with two of my beloved chil- 
 dren this morning, whom I would gladly have accom- 
 panied as to a solemn assembly, I was sensible of a 
 degree of overshadowing goodness, under the calming 
 influence whereof I seemed drawn to consider, how 
 at such seasons there might be a profitable mingling in 
 spirit, even under external separation ; whereby united 
 prayers might ascend, that the return of these convo- 
 cations should be holy, like the solemn feasts or fasts 
 divinely appointed, and consecrated to the Lord. 
 
 " It appears clear to my best feelings, that if those 
 gathered, and such as are in right ordering personally 
 absent, were first to feel after the renewings of inward 
 strength, bringing their spirits into a state of humble 
 waiting, resignation would be their peaceful covering 
 as individuals, and in proportion to the degree of spi- 
 ritual life attained to, concern felt that the assemblies 
 might be crowned by the presence of the King immor- 
 tal ; or if he proved a God hiding himself, that His de- 
 voted children might continue the acceptable exercise 
 of faith and patience, until he was pleased to command 
 'light to shine out of obscurity, and their darkness to 
 
250 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. XV, 
 
 be as the noon day. 9 Yea such would be encouraged to 
 put up a prayer for the remnant that is left, whether 
 in vocal or mental aspiration, till the Lord turn the 
 captivity of the people generally, and cause a glorious 
 breaking forth as on the right hand and on the left. 
 
 " Universal as this desire may be, extending from 
 sea to sea, and from shore to shore ; I have been and 
 am now afresh seusible, that there are desires pecu- 
 liarly earnest for the people among whom we dwell, 
 and bonds of spiritual unity with those of our brethren, 
 who in a measure of pure life, we feel as bone of our 
 boue. While for these the desire is renewedly raised, 
 that each may stand faithfully in their lot, willing to 
 do or suffer according to the divine will ; fervent also 
 is the solicitude, that such as have not stept further 
 than the outer court may be brought under the awaken- 
 ing power of Him who sitteth between the cherubims, 
 and whose name is holy ! 
 
 u I am thankful to feel in my secluded state, and 
 while tried with pain hard to nature, but I hope not 
 murmured at, the prevalence of that love which drew 
 me hither ; where, as in my home, I feel settled in 
 concern for a Quarterly Meeting, large and important, 
 as composed of various members, each designed to fill 
 some place in the militant, and be fitted to join the 
 triumphant church, when to them time shall be no 
 longer. 
 
 "I pray that the harmonizing power of divine love 
 may be so known, as for the great design to be fully 
 answered, and that none may rest in a name, without 
 an experience of the nature of true religion. 
 
 " I have viewed mentally an assembly such as our 
 Quarterly Meeting, collected under the solemn pro- 
 fession of being spiritual worshippers, sitting in out- 
 
1807— -1814.] M ARY DUDLEY. 251 
 
 ward silence before the Lord, and apparently waiting 
 only upon Him. Oh the awfulness wherewith I have 
 often beheld these Meetings, while my eye has af- 
 fected my heart, and the language forcibly arisen let 
 us be as we appear, let us gather to the source of un- 
 failing help ; fully believing that if all were properly 
 engaged in feeling their wants, and the only way of 
 having them supplied, the united breathing would 
 ascend as pure incense, and the lifting up of the heart 
 be an acceptable sacrifice. 
 
 " The Lord is powerfully at work in the earth, 
 operating through various means to effect His un- 
 searchable purposes. Oh ! that the respective ranks 
 in a society holding in profession the standard of 
 truth, the sufficiency of divine light, the necessity of 
 redeeming sanctifying grace, may not only see but 
 duly consider their high and holy calling. 
 
 " It is religious consideration which all have need 
 increasingly to dwell under, and were the mind suffi- 
 ciently withdrawn from sublunary objects to the con- 
 templation of those which are alone pure and perma- 
 nent, many would assuredly be prepared in a spiritual 
 sense, to unite in the testimony which was borne on a 
 very inferior occasion, by one coming from far, the 
 one half was not told me. Nay, verily ! for had the 
 Lord's messengers, < the tongue of the learned,' or 
 could they utter with angelic power the sensations 
 they may, at times, be favoured with, all would fall 
 short in describing the beauty of Zion, the safety of 
 her inhabitants, and those transcendent pleasures 
 which are at God's right hand. Let the Lord then 
 work in your hearts, beloved young friends, convinc- 
 ing how true substantial rest is to be found, and 
 through converting goodness entered into. 
 
252 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XV, 
 
 " The choice is left to us all, none will he forced 
 into the path of happiness, but as the awakening at- 
 tractive influence of divine love is yielded to, and the 
 light which maketh manifest obediently followed, the 
 work of transformation will gradually advance; 'the 
 new man which after God is created in righteousness 
 and true holiness,' will strengthen and mature, until 
 there is a reaching to the fulness of the stature merci- 
 fully designed." 
 
 After my beloved mother got out to Meetings, and 
 was again engaged in active service, she wrote the 
 succeeding observations. 
 
 " Wonderful have been the dealings of un- 
 erring wisdom ; marvellously hath the Lord preserv- 
 ed, sustained, and even consoled me, in and through 
 innumerable conflicts of body and mind, and under 
 inexpressibly proving privations. Yea, He hath, to my 
 humbling admiration, made the clouds His chariots, 
 and the sorest afflictions ministers of His will ; having 
 in some small proportion to multiplied advantages in 
 the line of suffering, effected submission, and I reve- 
 rently trust produced increasing desire to love and 
 serve Him. Yet is my sole reliance placed upon His 
 abundant goodness, here I depend for the gracious ac- 
 ceptance of any feeble effort to promote His ever wor- 
 thy cause, and for forgiveness of all omissions and 
 commissions against the pure revealed will of my di- 
 vine master. 
 
 " Unprofitable servant, is a language I can unequi- 
 vocally adopt, and, if I could sound through the whole 
 earth what is my heartfelt belief, it would be in unison 
 with apostolic declaration, * Not by ivorks of righ- 
 teousness which we have done, but according to His 
 
1307—1814.] MARY DUDLEY. 253 
 
 mercy He saved us, by the washing of regeneration 
 and renewing of the Holy Ghost.' 
 
 " Mercy, mercy is the sum and substance of my 
 Lope. The unmerited mercy of God in Christ 
 Jesus, for the remission of sins, and perfecting the 
 work of preparation for admittance into eternal settle- 
 ment. 
 
 " It is now between forty and fifty years since this 
 ever to be extolled mercy, called me from darkness 
 into light in a spiritual sense, and the Lord was 
 pleased to open the doctrines of the gospel with clear- 
 ness to my view. I trust I am safe in saying, that 
 since that time I have not dared to call in question the 
 ways of His working, nor to doubt the appointed means 
 of salvation, as revealed when my awakened soul in 
 deep prostration understood the language, and uttered 
 it, A Saviour or I die, a Redeemer or I perish. 
 
 "Here conviction and repentance were known to 
 be produced by the efficacious working of the promised 
 gift, and nothing was left to depend upon but the pur- 
 chased redemption, through the great sacrifice without, 
 and the sanctifying influence within. 
 
 " What God hath thus joined together none can, 
 without derogating from His power and wisdom, put 
 asunder. I wish to leave the expression of my un- 
 shaken faith in the stupendous plan of divine love, as 
 manifested in the incarnation, sufferings, crucifixion, 
 and resurrection of the ever blessed Redeemer. His 
 all sufficient atonement for the guilt of sin, and conti- 
 nued intercession for poor fallen man ; until in the 
 gradual process of regeneration the dominion over all 
 evil is happily effected, and the great design in man's 
 formation mercifully accomplished, by his experience 
 
25% THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XV 
 
 of full redemption, through the operation of the pure 
 and purifying spirit of Christ. 
 
 u As this influence is submitted to, there is a pro- 
 gressive advancement in the divine life, from the state 
 of childhood to that of maturity, and a growing capa- 
 city to comprehend ' the deep things of God.' These 
 are internally revealed through communion with Him, 
 the spring and source of all good, when the mind is 
 abstracted from every inferior feeling or consolation, 
 and knows the various streams of comfort to be as it 
 were swallowed up and lost in the ocean of ineffable 
 love. 
 
 66 Surely the Christian believer is invited to expe- 
 rience redemption not only from the pollution of sin, 
 the love of the world and its spirit, the false ways and 
 worship of man's ordaining ; but from all mixture of 
 creaturely choice, wisdom, or willing. And the heart 
 which unreservedly yields to the refining process does 
 witness redemption from self-seeking, so as not to be 
 moved by the praise or censure of men, but in humble 
 resignation uniformly breathes the acceptable language, 
 4 Thy will he done.' " 
 
1815 — 1822.] MART DUDLF.Y. 255 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 Visit to Kent, Surrey and Sussex — Religious service within 
 the Quarterly Meeting of London and Middlesex — 
 Journey into Essex, and Family Visit in the Meetings 
 of Peel and Westminster — Visit to some parts of York- 
 shire — Family Visit in Southwark, §c. From 4th 
 Month 1815 to 12th Month 1822. 
 
 IN the spring of 1815 my beloved mother obtained 
 the necessary concurrence of her own Monthly Meet- 
 ing for religious service among Friends and those of 
 other denominations, within the bounds of the Quar- 
 terly Meeting of London and Middlesex, and in the 
 counties of Kent, Surrey and Sussex. 
 
 Although considerably indisposed at the time of 
 entering upon this engagement, she was enabled to 
 perform it without much interruption, and greatly to 
 the relief of her own mind. 
 
 In the course of it she travelled upwards of six 
 hundred miles, held about thirty Public Meetings, 
 many of them in places where none of our Society 
 reside ; besides visiting all the Meetings of Friends, 
 and most of the families which constitute them, in 
 Kent, Surrey and Sussex. 
 
 In some of the Public Meetings in the vicinity of 
 London, she was joined by her dear friend W. F. 
 whose company and gospel labours were acceptable to 
 her ; and it may be safely said that in her ministerial 
 engagements she always evinced a tender care fur the 
 feelings of others, rejoiced in the dedication of her 
 
S56 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVI. 
 
 brethren and sisters, and endeavoured to make way 
 for their obtaining relief of mind in Meetings which 
 were appointed at ber request. 
 
 In the summer of 1816, she paid a religious visit 
 to Friends in Berks and Oxfordshire, holding Public 
 Meetings in many parts of those counties, and some 
 places in Buckinghamshire. During the following 
 year, she had a large number of Public Meetings in 
 the city and neighbourhood of London ; among these 
 one at the west end of the town which was held in 
 the Argyle Rooms, and attended by many of the no- 
 bility and higher class of society. For this descrip- 
 tion of persons my dear mother's mind had been long 
 exercised, but although several Meetings had been ap- 
 pointed, with a view to having their company at our 
 own Meeting-house, no attempt had succeeded so as 
 to relieve her of the burden. Friends of Westmin- 
 ster entered very feelingly into the concern, and many 
 Friends attending from other Meetings also, their 
 joint sympathy proved strengthening under the pros- 
 pect and performance of what she considered an 
 a w fully important service ; while her spirit bowed in 
 thankful acknowledgment of Almighty help, and the 
 peace which resulted from this sacrifice. 
 
 In returning the certificate of her Monthly Meeting 
 she wrote as follows : 
 
 "To Friends of the Monthly Meeting of Southwark, 
 
 " Feeling unequal to the personal attendance t)f 
 our Monthly Meeting, I adopt this method of return- 
 ing the minute which was kindly issued a long time 
 since, leaving me at liberty to move, in fulfilment of 
 
1815— 1822.] MARY DUDLEY. 257 
 
 the avowed prospect, as truth might direct, and health 
 permit. While the latter was favourably afforded I 
 hope there was attention given to the apprehended 
 discoveries of duty, by appointing many Meetings in 
 the city and its vicinity; finding in the general not 
 only a willingness to lend suitable places for such to 
 be held in, but much openness to receive these visits 
 of gospel love, to my humbling relief. I may thank- 
 fully acknowledge, that with respect to this engage- 
 ment a peaceful retrospect is vouchsafed ; and as it 
 seems unlikely I should be enabled to avail myself of 
 the liberty given, by attempting further service of this 
 sort at present, 1 resign the minute, and conclude 
 beloved friends, your very affectionate interested 
 friend, 
 
 MARY DUDLEY. 
 " 14th of IZmo. 1817." 
 
 Towards the conclusion of the year she was much, 
 confined to the house by illness, and while thus cir- 
 cumstanced wrote some observations relative to the 
 state of her mind from which the following have been 
 extracted. 
 
 " When I contemplate the years of deeply 
 
 trying probation through which I have been sustained, 
 the bereavements dispensed, the anguish experienced, 
 whilst links most tenderly binding to the natural part, 
 and in some instances sweetly cementing to the best 
 feelings, have been severed ; what waves have rolled, 
 and billows followed in succession ; I may well query 
 where had a stay and support been found but in Him, 
 who under the early visitation of His love was gra- 
 ciously pleased to seal the sacred promise, < 1 will 
 never leave thee, nor forsake thee.' To the Lord's 
 33 
 
&58 THE LIFE OF [CHAF. XVI. 
 
 * 
 
 adorable mercy be it ascribed that He has not left, 
 or I had uttered the reprehensible language, 'what 
 doest thou ?' under His dealings with me a poor feeble 
 and naturally erring creature ; disposed to ' cleave unto 
 the dust/ and centre in the gifts of divine love. 
 
 " The hand of inexplicable wisdom has been laid, 
 in the line of judgment, upon the very closest ties, so 
 that nearly through my pilgrimage thus far, that which 
 clung the nearest has been called for, or crucified by 
 death passing upon even apparently allowable posses- 
 sions. The life has been so shaken in desirable 
 things, that < I am consumed by the blow of thy hand/ 
 has been a language well understood in the line of my 
 experience. 
 
 " Oh the depth of that repugnance to the heart- 
 cleansing work of religion which is hid in the human 
 mind : in mine how has it impeded a growing fitness 
 to join in the consecrated anthem of redeemed spirits, 
 i Thy will be done? I reverently acknowledge my 
 unshaken belief in the loss which mankind has sus- 
 tained by the fall, and the need of a Mediator to re- 
 concile a degenerate world to a pure and holy Being. 
 
 i( l dare not hope for acceptance on any inferior 
 ground than that opened by Him, who is ' the way, 
 the truth and the life. 7 My foundation for that hope, 
 which through abundant mercy is at seasons felt to 
 enter within the veil, rests on the great propitiatory 
 sacrifice for sin, and the operation of His divine spirit 
 as a deliverer from sin. 
 
 " Here, with all my short comings, my errings, 
 strayings, commissions and omissions, a God in Christ 
 can be humbly confided in, for continued support 
 through the remaining steps of the wilderness journey, 
 and sustaining goodness at the end. This end may 
 
1815—1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 259 
 
 be yet more distant than my weak sight has a view of,* . 
 the pins having been allowed to hold the feeble struc- 
 ture far longer than could have been expected ; and 
 the Lord only knows the need there yet is for trials 1 
 and afflictions, in order that the work of preparation 
 may be happily effected. 
 
 " Oh the immeasurable distance which is at times 
 contemplated, between uncreated good and the mixed 
 state of a finite being, surrounded with the encumber- 
 ing load of frail mortality ! 
 
 "If others more subdued, more zealous, and more 
 active in the line of duty, are carried above these dis- 
 couraging sensations, or not called upon to take the 
 abasing views which some of the Lord's feeble minis- 
 ters feel to be their lot, I wish not to judge or shake 
 their faith and obedience. While in traversing the 
 solemn path of preparation, and for many years feeling 
 the humble desire to be so strengthened as to fill up 
 the allotted ministry, there feels to me nothing but di- 
 vine mercy to look to. Therefore from my very heart 
 I must renounce all hope, even for the acceptance of 
 any feeble effort towards promoting the glorious cause 
 of truth and righteousness, but what is founded on the 
 one blessed advocate, my God and Saviour ! He only 
 has filled, He has a right to empty ; and never does 
 my soul more euricliingly rejoice, than when every 
 view of righteous, and unrighteous self, is absorbed in 
 the calm, silent, and utter reliance on unmerited and 
 everlasting love ; my hope in time, my only anticipated 
 joy in eternity." 
 
 In the 2nd month 1818, my beloved parent began 
 a visit to the families belonging to Gracechurch street 
 Monthly Meeting, her certificate leaving her also at 
 liberty for other religious service ; and during the en- 
 
260 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVI. 
 
 gagement she appointed many Public Meetings in the 
 city, and some country places adjacent. Among these 
 was one at Woolwich, which was remarkable for the 
 4 numbers by which it was attended, the general solidity 
 that prevailed, and the freedom felt in declaring the 
 way of salvation. 
 
 In the 9th month she obtained a certificate for reli- 
 gious service in Essex, and was diligently occupied in 
 that county for above nine weeks. She visited most 
 of the families which composed Witham Monthly 
 Meeting, and held numerous Public Meetings to the 
 relief and peace of her exercised mind, which was 
 often enlarged in the feeling of that Christian love 
 which embraces the highest interests of mankind uni- 
 versally. 
 
 She travelled in this journey above four hundred 
 miles ; returned home in a very broken state of health, 
 and was for a considerable time, confined by illness, 
 her body and mind suffering under a combination of 
 afflictive circumstances. She was, however, merci- 
 fully sustained, and in the summer of 1819, again felt 
 herself called upon to manifest the continuance of gos- 
 pel concern on behalf of her fellow professors, by 
 applying for the requisite liberty to visit families 
 Within the compass of Peel and Westminster Monthly 
 Meetings. 
 
 In the latter service Abigail Pim united, and it 
 proved the last religious engagement of this dear 
 friend, who, in the following year, was attacked with 
 the illness, which ultimately removed her from the 
 militant church. 
 
 In the year 1820, my dear mother felt inclined to 
 attend the General Meeting at Ackworth, and informed 
 the Friends of her own Monthly Meeting, that she 
 
1815—1822.] MARY DUDLEY. 26l 
 
 believed it her duty to stand resigned to such reli- 
 gious service as she might feel required of her while 
 in Yorkshire, as well as in going and returning from 
 thence. 
 
 This engagement occupied about four months, dur- 
 ing which time my beloved mother was diligently 
 employed in such service as from day to day opened 
 to her view, being, notwithstanding the sensible in- 
 crease of bodily infirmities, enabled to perform the 
 labour assigned her both among Friends and others; 
 for besides attending two Quarterly, six Monthly and. 
 above sixty Particular Meetings, she also held twenty- 
 six appointed for those of other religious professions. 
 
 In going from a Meeting of this description, held at 
 Tadcaster, to another appointed at Ferrybridge, she 
 sustained a very serious injury by the carriage in 
 which she rode being overturned, which prevented 
 her reaching the place until the people had been a con- 
 siderable time assembled. 
 
 Through the display of that power to which all 
 things are possible, she was wonderfully strengthened 
 for the service that devolved upon her, and the re- 
 freshment of spirit which was felt in declaring the 
 doctrines of the gospel, to persons who seemed pre- 
 pared for receiving them, for awhile overcame tha 
 sense of bodily suffering ; but after the Meeting th is 
 was acutely felt, and she was so ill as to excite much 
 apprehension for the consequences. 
 
 She proceeded at once to Doucasfcer, and was there 
 confined above two weeks at the house of her dear 
 friends W. and M. Smith, who, wheu she was able 
 to move forward, continued their kind care by accom- 
 panying her as far as Hitchin, where she spent a few 
 days with her long loved friend E. J. Wheeler. Upon 
 
2Q2 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVI. 
 
 a review of this journey, wherein she had travelled up- 
 wards of nine hundred miles, my dear mother wrote 
 as follows, in the 12th mo. 1820.* 
 
 " Hitherto hath the Lord helped may well 
 
 be deeply inscribed on my heart, and acknowledged 
 with my pen, in retrospect of innumerable unmerited 
 mercies, preservations, and deliverances, through a 
 long journey, and on many accounts, one of the most 
 exercisiug of my life. I have to commemorate the 
 goodness which veiled the prospect as to its nature, 
 and extent, and left us to depend on the fresh ari sings 
 of light to guide from day to day, and from place to 
 place. 
 
 " After attending the General Meeting at Ack» 
 worth, where there was reason to believe we were in 
 our right place, the field of labour enlarged before us, 
 amongst those of our own profession, and many of 
 various names and sects in that extensive county; 
 while to the praise of infinite wisdom and love, a 
 precious evidence was often felt that the Shepherd of 
 Israel is sweetly gathering by His all powerful arm, 
 many who are not, and never may by outward desig- 
 nation be, of the same name with us. The preparation 
 frequently witnessed among such to receive the gospel 
 message, the solemnity of the stillness spread over 
 some uncommonly large assemblies, exceeded what we 
 had before experienced, and encouraged to the full be- 
 lief that the present is a deeply interesting period ; one 
 
 * The Editor thinks it may be best for her to state, that in 
 this and several preceding journies, as well as in all her subse- 
 quent religious service," she was her dear mothers companion, 
 having certificates from the Monthly Meeting for uniting in such 
 
1815—1822.] MARY DUDLEY. 263 
 
 wherein the call is loudly proclaimed to us as a dis- 
 tinct and highly professing people, to i stand continu- 
 ally upon the watch tower in the day time, and sit in 
 our ward whole nights ,*' to place a double guard upon 
 our words and actions, lest even one of the inquiring 
 little ones be offended, or turned out of the way of 
 steady advancement. 
 
 " Oh ! how did my soul lament within our camp, the 
 want of that holy discipline which, if submitted to, 
 would prepare to be accoutred for service in the Lord's 
 hand, and amongst the people. The lack of righteous 
 zeal, of spiritual discernment, of heavenly skill in sa- 
 vouring the things that be of God, while those that be 
 of man merely, can be nicely discriminated, and un- 
 derstood. 
 
 " The faculties and reasoning powers of many are 
 strong, their perceptions clear respecting that path 
 wherein self can rejoice and is nourished ; but oh the 
 cross ! to some I fear that even the preaching of it is 
 as to the Jews and Greeks. There is an unwillingness 
 to lose the life, in order that that which deserves the 
 name may be found, while any substitute is readily 
 adopted, rather than submission to the humbling re- 
 ducing state where, as little children the kingdom is 
 alone received. 
 
 6( An endeavour to reconcile the world, and religion, 
 seems the hindrance of a multitude ; the strong asser- 
 tion of our blessed Redeemer being too much over- 
 looked, < ye cannot serve God and mammon? Thus 
 the eye becomes dim, and the ear often deafened, so 
 that imparting what is seen to be. the whole counsel to 
 such is like breaking down a fenced wall ; the healing 
 power of a physician to those who are whole, needless 
 tidings, an unwelcome message. How hardly shall they 
 
S64< THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVI. 
 
 that have riches enter into the kingdom ? Various are 
 the possessions wherein there is a resting, many have 
 their good things in this life. Oh ! that the abundance 
 might be passed through, and temporal blessings not 
 centered in, so as to cloud the view of the things that 
 are eternal. 
 
 " I often think inherited or obtained treasures have 
 bliuded the spiritual eye of many, who are descended 
 from those sons of the morning, as it respects our little 
 community, to whom great things would have been 
 burdensome ; and earnest are my desires that worldly 
 prosperity may not be allowed to settle in a state of 
 dangerous ease, lest the language formerly uttered in 
 the Lord's name should be applicable, * They that de- 
 part from me shall be written in the earth.' " 
 
 Early in the year 1821, my dear mother again felt 
 her mind drawn to the performance of some religious 
 service within the limits of her own Quarterly Meeting ; 
 in the prospect of which she wrote as follows. 
 
 " Amidst the sense of feebleness and trial, I 
 
 find no rest but in what I believe to be the Divine will, 
 I therefore informed my brethren and sisters, in a joint 
 conference to day, that I believed resignation on my 
 part was called for, to pay a visit of gospel love to the 
 Monthly Meetings constituting this Quarterly Meet- 
 ing; accompanied with a view of appointing some 
 Meetings among Friends and others of a more public 
 kind, besides visiting the families belonging to South- 
 wark Monthly Meeting, awful as it is to contemplate 
 such a large number. 
 
 " I feel relieved by having thus acknowledged the 
 exercise, but as to procedure it is likely in my en- 
 feebled state to be slow, and if never accomplished by 
 me, I wish to leave all to unerring wisdom and love, 
 
1815 18SS.] MARY DUDLEY. 265 
 
 with an humble hope that in the sacrifice of the will ac- 
 ceptance may be mercifully granted. 
 
 " In seasons of abstractedness from visible things, 
 and precious preparation for communion with Him 
 who is invisible, the capacity is strengthened to com- 
 prehend that redeeming influence, whereby knowing 
 that we are not our own, fervent desires are raised to 
 < glorify God in our bodies and in our spirits ivhick 
 are His. 9 
 
 " The lapse of time offers matter for solemn con- 
 sideration, the end of it when viewed in connection 
 with an entrance upon that state which admits of no 
 change, feels truly awful ; and a sense of the purity 
 which must clothe disembodied, glorified spirits, con- 
 trasted with our own poor vestment of mortal infirmity, 
 is felt almost appalling, even to the eye of feeble faith. 
 Yet under the sustaining hope that < the white linen* 
 will be prepared, and when unclothed a being ' clothed 
 upon 7 mercifully experienced, while in prostration of 
 soul the term unworthy can be indeed adopted, there 
 is ground whereon the end of time can be contemplated 
 with a serenity which nothing inferior to such feelings 
 can possibly produce. 
 
 " The mind, when raised in such holy contempla- 
 tion, is ready to utter the language of good old Simeon, 
 i Lord now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, for 
 mine eyes have seen thy salvation $ but He who is in- 
 finite in wisdom only knows what is best for us, what 
 is most calculated to effect in and through us the ap- 
 pointed work, the measure of suffering, the degree of 
 patience in it needful to be proved, and the portion of 
 active service He designs to prepare for. 
 
 u Under these views, the longer I sojourn on earth, 
 the more I see the value and safety of endeavouring 
 34 
 
THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVI. 
 
 daily to learn this one lesson ; leave all, attend to 'pre- 
 sent duty, and in humility cast every care for the 
 future on Him, who careth for, (and will provide for,) 
 those who love and serve Him in time and through 
 eternity." 
 
 T. L. joined in part of the visit to the families of 
 Southwark, which was accomplished with as little 
 interruption as could be expected, considering my be- 
 loved parent's age and infirmities; and she frequently 
 mentioned feeling it as a farewell visit to the members 
 of a Meeting, where she had been long bound in pe- 
 culiar interest and concern. 
 
 After this she was again engaged in public service, 
 holding Meetings in the different Meeting-houses be- 
 longing to Friends in London, and in many of the sur- 
 rounding villages, much to the relief of her own mind, 
 and there is reason to believe the satisfaction and help 
 of others. Some of these seasons were attended with 
 remarkable solemnity, and the clearness and liberty 
 which were evident in her declaration of gospel truths, 
 frequently excited the apprehension that her labours 
 were drawing to a close ; while she spoke of the sensi- 
 ble help afforded her, and the feelings of peace and 
 comfort which succeeded these engagements, as greater 
 than she had been accustomed to, adding, " I believe 
 if I were to continue long in the body I should not 
 have such feelings, nor be so filled with divine love as 
 is sometimes the case." 
 
 One of the meetings just alluded to was at Hamp- 
 stead, a place respecting which she had long felt her 
 mind exercised, but where a Meeting of Friends had 
 not beenlield for many years. In a record of this sea- 
 son my dear mother says ; 
 
 — " Though heavy in prospect it has been reliev- 
 
1815 — 1832.] MARY DUDLEY. 267 
 
 ingly held, and I humbly trust gracious^ help may be 
 acknowledged to have been near ; many who atteuded 
 the Meeting had never been present on such an occa- 
 sion ; yet the attention manifested during the commu- 
 nication of gospel truths was remarkable, and the 
 solemnity which was early evident, and continued to 
 increase, tended to renew the trust in Almighty aid 
 and goodness." 
 
 Once upon retiring to bed in a very exhausted state 
 after an Evening Meeting in the city, my dear mother 
 said with much tenderness of spirit, " I long to be 
 joined to the general assembly and church of the first- 
 born, yet such is the love and concern I feel for the 
 souls of the people, that my life seems of little conse- 
 quence, and I could be satisfied to drop while declar- 
 ing the mercy of God in Christ Jesus to a fallen 
 race." 
 
 On another occasion of the same kind she observed, 
 " What a favour to have a good bed, but what a still 
 greater mercy to have i a good hope through grace,' 
 that after a few more fleeting days there will be a set- 
 tlement in unmingled, everlasting rest. I am so 
 weaned from anxiety that I seem to have nothing in 
 the world to think of ; there is however one thing 
 which weighs heavily on my mind, and that is the 
 prosperity of the blessed cause of truth and righteous- 
 ness. To promote this in any way I could be willing 
 to live a little longer, and the separation from all of 
 you who are so dear to me will be keenly felt when it 
 comes to the point." 
 
 After a Meeting had been appointed at Duiwich^ 
 she wrote as follows ; 
 
 " I feel this an awful occasion, for such pros- 
 pects are become almost too heavy through infirmities 
 
268 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVI. 
 
 abounding, and bodily ability sensibly decaying, yet 
 I trust I may humbly adopt the resigned language, 
 
 * My life, while Thou preserves my life, 
 Thy sacrifice shall be.' 
 
 Oh, that I may be enabled, through the continuance 
 of sustaining faith, to add the subsequent expressions, 
 
 « And death, when death shall be my doom, 
 Shall join my soul to thee. ' 
 
 For when the eternal union is formed, conflict will 
 have finally ceased." 
 
 On returning from this Meeting she remarked, that 
 under the consolation vouchsafed her she seeme4 in- 
 sensible to pain or weakness, aud felt as if healed in 
 body and mind ; strongly expressing her thankfulness 
 for the covering of good whereby that evening sacrifice 
 had been owned by her gracious Master* 
 
1823—1823.] MARY DUDLEY, 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 Visit to the Families belonging to Devonshire Monthly 
 Meeting — Illness and Death. From \2mo. 1822 to 9mo. 
 1823. 
 
 IN the 12th month, 1822, my beloved mother in- 
 formed her friends of a fresh prospect of religious 
 duty, and obtained a certificate for visiting the families 
 belonging to Devonshire-house Meeting, as well as 
 some more public service as strength might be afforded. 
 
 One of her first engagements was, the appointment 
 of a Meeting for the young people belonging to the 
 Quarterly Meeting of London and Middlesex. This 
 proved a time of solemnity and relief, and she after- 
 wards expressed her satisfaction in reflecting on the 
 opportunity, as well as her belief that it would be the 
 last she should have of that kind. 
 
 The family visit in Devonshire-house Meeting was 
 commenced early in the first month 1823 ; and al- 
 though the weather was extremely cold, my dear 
 parent was strengthened to pursue the service in a 
 manner wonderful to herself, as well as to those who 
 witnessed it. 
 
 Sometimes, at the conclusion of a day wherein she 
 had sat in five or six families, she would remark that 
 the haste she felt was such as made her scarcely sensi 
 ble to bodily fatigue. 
 
 After paying above one hundred and thirty visits, 
 with much less interruption than had frequently at- 
 tended such engagements in younger life, she wound up 
 
270 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 
 
 this service amongst her fellow professors, in which M. 
 S. had been united, by having a Meeting appointed for 
 the heads of families, and another for the young people 
 constituting that particular Meeting. 
 
 On one of these occasions, when closely expostu- 
 lating with some for whom deep religious concern had 
 been felt, my dear mother said with peculiar emphasis, 
 " Bear with me my friends, I have not long to speak." 
 
 On first day the 16th of 3rd mo. she was largely ex- 
 ercised in the Forenoon Meeting at Devonshire-house, 
 and in the evening had an appointed Meeting for the 
 inhabitants of that neighbourhood, wherein she was 
 wonderfully strengthened to proclaim the important 
 doctrines of the gospel, in which she so surely be- 
 lieved. Whilst inviting those present to the consider- 
 ation of their latter end, die mentioned how surprising- 
 ly her own life had been extended, and that having 
 completed more than the threescore and ten years, she 
 could then look back upon her existence as but a point 
 in comparison of eternity. 
 
 The solemnity which prevailed at that season was 
 remarked by many who attended it, and upon return- 
 ing home in a very exhausted state of body, my beloved 
 mother expressed the peace and satisfaction with which 
 her mind was clothed. In the morning she also ob- 
 served, that whenever she had awoke in the night the 
 remembrance of that Meeting was sweet and comforting 
 to her, and that she loved to think of the feelings by 
 which it had been marked. 
 
 Thus with alacrity, and even cheerfulness, did this 
 aged servant of the Lord prosecute the closing labours 
 of her day, repeatedly observing, that although some- 
 times weary in her work, she could honestly say she 
 was not weary of it, but felt the service of her Lord and 
 
1822 — 1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 271 
 
 Master to constitute her meat and drink in a spiritual 
 sense. 
 
 At the Quarterly Meeting in the spring she was 
 powerfully engaged in advocating the cause and name 
 of her Redeemer, and seemed to overflow with love and 
 solicitude towards her friends : while the strength and 
 clearness of her voice was deemed by many an indica- 
 tion of renovated health. 
 
 For several weeks afterwards she continued to get 
 out regularly, and on first day the 13th of 4th month, 
 attended her own Meeting at Peckham, morning and 
 afternoon; in the first she was exercised in ministry, 
 and spoke of both seasons as having been times Of re- 
 freshment to her spirit. 
 
 She was at the Monthly Meeting of Southwark on 
 the third day following, and continued tolerably well 
 until sixth day the 18th, when she was affected with 
 symptoms of a heavy cold, and^in the evening palpita- 
 tion of the heart and faintnjess. As my beloved mother 
 was accustomed to sudden attacks of indisposition we 
 did not feel any particular alarm. Next day, however, 
 she appeared very unwell, and during several succeed- 
 ing days repeatedly mentioned, that she felt so loaded 
 with illness as to make her apprehend that nature 
 would sink under the oppressive weight; while this was 
 always expressed in much calmness, and with perfect 
 resignation to the Divine will. 
 
 Sixth day the 25th, after taking with a relish some- 
 thing which had been prepared for her, she said with 
 great sweetness, " How good is our gracious Provider 
 in thus supplying us with all we want ; yet how apt are 
 we to pass by Him, regale ourselves with His gifts, and 
 forget the giver." 
 
S73 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 
 
 During that and the following day she was fre- 
 quently employed iu a strain of heavenly rejoicing, and 
 once observed, " How little idea we can form of what 
 will open upon the spirit when the incumbrance of mor- 
 tality is laid down. I have not a wish to go, if I could 
 proclaim to one more soul the rich mercy of God in 
 Christ ; but if it be the will of the Lord to take me, 
 I hope my dear children you will be resigned, and pre- 
 served from all evil ; and may the Lord preserve your 
 goings out and comings in from that day forth and for 
 evermore. 
 
 " I have no sight as to how it may be, but I do not 
 feel able to struggle as heretofore, my strength seems 
 giving way, the sands sinking fast, but they may be re- 
 newed." 
 
 At another time, "I have nothing to depend on, not 
 a shred of my own, no good works to tell of, only 
 mercy, that which visited me in the morning of the day, 
 has supported me through life, and will support me in 
 death ; unmerited, unbounded, and I trust unchangeable 
 mercy ! I have loved the cause of my Redeemer, it 
 was to draw to Him, to attract and fix the attention of 
 the miud on Him alone that I have been willing, made 
 willing to proclaim His goodness ; and though one 
 Philip after another be taken away, yet the happily 
 awakened soul may go on rejoicing ; this was the case 
 with the Ethiopian, while Philip was found at Azotus, 
 sent and commissioned to preach to others the un- 
 searchable riches of Christ." 
 
 Seventh day the 26th, was one of much bodily suf- 
 fering ; in the evening she said, the Lord bless thee, 
 my precious child for thy care of me, we have been to- 
 gether in heights and depths, in poverty, and some- 
 
1855— 1833.] MARY DUDLEY 2?3 
 
 times in the riches of the gospel; had it not been for a 
 portion of these we must have utterly sunk under con- 
 flict and multiplied exercises, even of later times. 
 
 " I am thankful that the labour in Devonshire-house 
 quarter was accomplished, and for those last Meetings, 
 both with Friends and others ; the Lord be praised for 
 the strength He afforded to proclaim His goodness, and 
 He will be praised. Thou mayest know more of it 
 when I am dead and gone, for there was a witness in 
 many hearts to that which was His own work. 
 
 " I have no sight of how it will be with me, at which 
 I almost wonder, but it will not do to judge by the 
 weakness of the poor body ; the Lord can raise it up 
 if it be His blessed will, His will has been all to me, 
 when the conclusions, doubtings and hesitations of 
 nature have been kept down. 
 
 "Thy will be done is the highest anthem ever sung 
 on earth or in heaven ; that will of God which is our 
 sanctification ; and, when fully yielded to, operates in 
 its own regulating and redeeming power, raising out 
 of the fall, and restoring to all that was lost, this I am 
 sure of, to all that was lost, the second Adam, the 
 Lord's new creation in the quickened and believing 
 goul. My heart is full, but the poor body must have 
 rest. I trust thou wilt be supported, try for a little 
 rest, this is granted to poor human nature as well as to 
 the mind." 
 
 On awaking from an uneasy slumber she exclaimed^ 
 " Excellent, excellent," and asking her what was so 
 excellent, replied with energy, " The support of reli- 
 gion is most excellent." 
 
 Third day morning the 29th. My precious mother 
 desired that the 13th chapter of the Hebrews might be 
 35 
 
274 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVtt, 
 
 read to her, and whilst hearing it seemed as if deriving 
 peculiar comfort from that blessed record of divine doc- 
 trine and instruction ; observing, " it was part of that 
 chapter which engaged my attention at the last Meet- 
 ing I bore testimony in London." Upon the last verse 
 but one being read, "Let us have grace whereby 
 we may serve God acceptably with reverence and 
 Godly fear," she audibly pronounced "Amen, Amen, 
 Amen." 
 
 Fifth day, first of 5th month. After a time of si* 
 lence she evinced how her mind had been occupied by 
 mentioning the Yearly Meeting of Ireland, and said, 
 " A large number of Frieuds are collected in Dublin 
 this day, and many dear creatures ; I wish they may 
 be enabled to do their duty, and preach Christ to the 
 people." 
 
 Afterwards, with much composure, and in a tone 
 that bespoke the feeling of renewed thankfulness, 
 " I seem to have nothing to do but with the present 
 moment, no looking back with pain or uneasiness, but 
 in grateful remembrance of that mercy whereon I trust 
 there was a building long ago. Oh, not to doubt the 
 foundation is a great mercy ; warn them, tell all, there 
 is no other way but resigning up all, the management 
 of ship and cargo, to the true unerring pilot. Then, 
 (alluding to Paul's shipwreck,) though the vessel may 
 be tossed, however any are tried, some as on boards^ 
 and some on broken pieces of the ship, but oh the con° 
 solation, all will get safe to land. 
 
 " Every feeling and desire of my heart seems com- 
 prehended in the language, 'Thy will be done.' 
 Only I fear that through long continued suffering I 
 may not exemplify that which I have declared to 
 others, the sufficiency of divine power 5 may patience 
 
i8£S— 18S3.] MARY DUDLEY. 2J5 
 
 have her perfect work, whether any glimpse of the un- 
 speakable glory be afforded or not. Oh if this is 
 known it must be glory to God in the highest, through 
 Him who came to procure peace on earth. The lan- 
 guage of the redeemed through all eternity will be, 
 ( J\°ot unto us, not unto us, but unto Thy name be the 
 praise.' 
 
 " I sometimes feel as if I could fly even to distant 
 lands to proclaim the gospel of life and salvation : 
 * the earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the 
 Lord as the waters cover the sea.' " 
 
 In the night of the 4th of 5th month, my dear 
 mother's mind appeared to be deeply exercised on 
 some doctrinal subjects, and she said with great en- 
 ergy. " For a man to have his Bible in his hand and 
 read, * as I live saith the Lord God, I have no plea- 
 sure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked 
 turn from his way and live,' and then venture to say 
 that any soul is created for destruction ; Oh ! surely 
 the present dogmas nearly amount to an assertion of 
 this kind ; I have not so learned Christ. It is dan- 
 gerous, dangerous. 
 
 "lama believer in the election of grace, the cove- 
 nant and seed of life, but not in the possibility of any 
 state where the petition, Lord save, will not be neces- 
 sary, nor that any human being is excluded from the 
 offer of divine mercy." 
 
 Once on taking leave for the night she sweetly 
 said, " The Lord direct our hearts into the love of 
 God, and into the patient waiting for Christ, then all 
 will be well." Thankfulness for favours received 
 seemed the continual clothing of her spirit ; and in- 
 stead of dwelling upon her complaints, or recurring to 
 the numerous afflictions which had marked her pil- 
 
276 T«E LIFE OF [CHAP. X\^I, 
 
 grimage through time, she spoke of the blessings af- 
 forded her, as abundantly beyond her deserts, saying, 
 ii What mercies I am a partaker of, and how poor and 
 unworthy I feel, nothing to tell of, nothing to trust to, 
 but mercy, mercy, mercy ; that which was early ex- 
 tended, that which has ever sustained. Wonderfully 
 was preserving grace afforded in the morning of my 
 day, guarding from evil and keeping from many 
 snares. It may well be said J girded thee when thou 
 didst not know me ; and since my heart has been sur- 
 rendered to divine government and guidance, the pro- 
 mise has been graciously verified, < 1 will never leave 
 thee, nor forsake thee? Oh this rock." 
 
 The 7th of the 5th month was a day of considerable 
 suffering from cough, &c. and the appearance of ex- 
 haustion was very painful. 
 
 When a little revived my demr mother observed. 
 £i Sometimes after a fit of coughing it seems as if I 
 should sink away, and then again the feeling is rather 
 different, how it will be is remarkably hidden from 
 me, but I feel perfect quiet and resignation. What a 
 mercy to have no burden or anxiety, though I am 
 poor and unworthy, nothing to depend on but the one 
 foundation, if that fails all is over, but it never will 
 fail ; the mercy of God in Christ Jesus ; and whether 
 I am able to express much or not, when the time 
 comes this is my anchor. Oh ! now to have a con- 
 science stung with guilt ! and this might be the case 
 but for gracious unmerited mercy, for what am I? 
 what have 1 ? but ' He that spared not His own Son, 
 hut delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with 
 Him also freely give us all things' in time and in eter- 
 nity. 
 
 " I trust I have not been equivocal in proclaiming 
 
1822—1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 2/7 
 
 gospel doctrine, that I have not shunned to declare 
 what I believe to be the whole counsel of God." 
 
 On obtaining relief from a distressing symptom, she 
 desired the Psalm might be read to her which begins, 
 < Unto thee, oh God do we give thanks, for that Thy 
 name is near. Thy wondrous icorks declare? 
 
 First day the 12th ? while Friends were at Meeting 
 my beloved lnother requested her daughters to sit still 
 awhile in her chamber: and after a time of solemn 
 silence uttered the following supplication. "Wher- 
 ever gathered, Holy Lord God Almighty! whether in 
 this little Meeting, in larger congregations, or under 
 whatever name assembled, bless those who wait upon 
 and worship Thee. Let thy word have free course 
 and be glorified to the increase of the dear Redeemer's 
 kingdom, and the advancement of the great, the glo- 
 rious and universal work spoken of by thy Prophet, 
 when from the north and from the south, from the east 
 and from the west, Thy suppliants shall be brought. 
 
 u Bring them gracious Lord, near unto Thyself, 
 bring us, as a family, bless my children I pray Thee ; 
 Thy poor unworthy creature, yet one who through 
 Thy mercy has trusted in Thee, and been desirous 
 of Thy glory." 
 
 She then prayed for each of her family, in a man- 
 ner which showed the clearness of her spiritual per- 
 ceptions, and the deep religious concern renewedly 
 awakened on account of those most near to her affec- 
 tions, and concluded with these words, " Wash all iu 
 the laver of regeneration, and grant the renewings of 
 the Holy Ghost, that Thou gracious Father mayest be 
 praised in time, and, with the dear Son of Thy love, 
 everlastingly receive glory and honour, thanksgiving 
 and renown. Amen and Amen." 
 
1578 THE LIFE OF £CHAP. XVIJ. 
 
 Her voice was remarkably strengthened for this ex- 
 ertion, and she afterwards observed, " What a mercy 
 to be favoured with a little fresh feeling, without the 
 fresh feeling what is all expression, what is any 
 thing?" 
 
 la the afternoon she addressed her kind physician, 
 in a manner which evinced strong interest and chris- 
 tian solicitude on his behalf, offering gospel counsel 
 and encouragement, and enforcing the necessity of con- 
 stant watchfulness and prayer. She expressed feeling 
 obliged by his affectionate attention, to which he re- 
 plied that he deemed it a privilege to have the oppor- 
 tunity of attending her. 
 
 Upon one of her sons' mentioning that his wife had 
 been detained from public worship that day on ac- 
 count of her infant, she promptly answered, " < The 
 tabernacle of God is with man. 9 We have duties to 
 fulfil ; but there is an altar to which we may continually 
 resort : the gracious language is accomplished, * He 
 that is with you shall be in you, 9 " adding, " my chil- 
 dren are very near to me, the Lord bless you and the 
 dear babes, Oh may He keep them from the evils of the 
 world : the evils of the heart must be gradually over- 
 come through submission to the spirit of Christ." 
 
 Third day the 14th, hearing of our dear friend 
 Mary Proud's being alarmingly ill, my beloved 
 mother was much affected, and spoke of her as an en- 
 deared sister and fellow labourer in the gospel ; after 
 a short pause she solemnly exclaimed; "Oh our 
 poor Society ! Lord raise up judges, counsellors^ 
 feelers, such as are quick of understanding in Thy 
 fear, and if children are to become teachers, give them 
 wisdom and humility." 
 
 The approach of the Yearly Meeting was watched 
 
1822—1828.] MARY DUDLEY. 279 
 
 with lively interest by my dear patent, and when it 
 began her mind seemed clothed with the same chris- 
 tian solicitude as if she were personally mingling with 
 her friends. This was in degree manifested by an ad- 
 dress which she dictated to the Meeting of Ministers 
 and Elders, as well as by messages to many of her 
 brethren and sisters who were engaged in active ser- 
 vice ; and she entered into the concerns of that impor- 
 tant season as fully at times as if she had no bodily 
 ailment. Yet her weakness was such as to render her 
 unfit to see company, and often to excite apprehension 
 that her vital powers were rapidly sinking; while she 
 was still kept in ignorance, and as she would some- 
 times say remarkably blind as to the event. 
 
 "To the Yearly Meeting of Ministers and Elders, 
 held in London, 5th Month, 1823. 
 
 DEARLY BELOVED FRIENDS, 
 
 " Separated from you by the pressure of extreme 
 bodily weakness, that love which I trust is of the ever- 
 lasting gospel, has caused me to visit you in spirit, and 
 even bound in sympathy under your solemn delibera- 
 tions. Your attention has been claimed by the return 
 of messengers, who, having been enabled to lift up 
 their eyes and look on the fields, now thankfully feel 
 that He who led into labour, graciously sustained 
 through the portion allotted them, while they dare not 
 rejoice in any thing but the humble hope, at times af- 
 forded, that through unmerited mercy their names are 
 written in heaven, and their feeble efforts, for the pro- 
 motion of His ever blessed cause, accepted by the great 
 Lord of the harvest. You have also been called upon 
 as a collected body, to receive the acknowledgment that 
 views of a similar, or more extensive nature, are opened 
 
280 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 
 
 to some others who have been alike separated for the 
 work of the ministry. 
 
 In considering the present state of things at home 
 and abroad, not only the want of the prevalence of di- 
 vine life, but in many instances the oppression of the 
 heavenly seed ; how has my soul travailed, that such as 
 are sent forth may not only go in the fulness of gospel 
 commission, but so dwell deep with the gift, as to be 
 faithful to its revealings, watchful and patient in times 
 of concealing, and resigned to those reducing, as well 
 as qualifying operations, whereby the command given 
 to the tribe of Levi may be understood and from time 
 to time obeyed ; ' Let thy Thummim and thy Urim be 
 with thy Holy One, whom thou didst prove at Massali, 
 and with whom thou didst strive at the waters of 
 Meribah. 7 Here is the safety of ministers in this day, 
 as it was in preceding ages, who knowing that all their 
 help is from the Lord, cast their care wholly upon Him. 
 
 " And for you dear Friends, who are called, though 
 in a less public manner, to labour, whether at seasons 
 in word and doctrine, or as deeply baptized Elders to 
 act like Aarons and Hurs, my heart is engaged in sis- 
 terly concern. 
 
 " Some of you in your different Meetings, with 
 larger or smaller companies, have long known what it 
 is, while desiring to bear your own part of the burden, 
 to sit as with your mouths in the dust, ready to utter 
 the bemoaning language, ( What advantageth it me if 
 the dead rise not. 9 
 
 " May these be strengthened to hold on their way, 
 accepting for their encouragement the scriptural asser- 
 tion, * Unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ not 
 only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for His sake,' 
 while through this deep experience there is an increas- 
 
1822—1823.] MARY DUDLEY, 281 
 
 ing capacity to { know Him and the power of His resur- 
 rection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, ? so as to 
 be f made conformable unto his death.' The Lord has 
 not forsaken His long regarded people, though 'the 
 time to favour Zion > in the way that exercised spirits 
 crave, e the set time" may not be yet come. The Re- 
 deemer's kingdom will spread in His own way, the 
 work is great, but the arm which is carrying it forward 
 is Omnipotent. 
 
 66 To the Lord then let us look, in Him let us trust, 
 and to His name, which is everlastingly worthy, be the 
 glory ascribed now and for ever, Amen. In the feel- 
 ing of affectionate and gospel love, I salute you, and 
 am your very poor and variously tried friend, 
 
 MARY DUDLEY. 
 
 " Dictated in her sick chamber but signed ivith her own hand 
 at Peckham, the 28th of 5th Month, 1823." 
 
 In the early part of the 6th month she so far revived, 
 as to bear being taken from her chamber to a sitting 
 room, where reclined on a sofa, and mercifully excused 
 from much pain, she frequently saw her friends, and 
 enjoyed that social and religious intercourse for which 
 her mind and disposition were so peculiarly adapted. 
 
 The first strangers she saw were two of her sisters 
 in the ministry, to whom she imparted much of her 
 feeling on the most important subjects; encouraging 
 them to individual faithfulness, and making many ob- 
 servations which are likely to be well remembered by- 
 those who heard them. 
 
 She feelingly expressed her own sense of un worthi- 
 ness, and that her sole dependance was on the mercy 
 and merits of her Redeemer. 
 
 The same day she had a very interesting interview 
 36 
 
283 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 
 
 with I. 8. whom she wished to see previously to his 
 embarkation for America ; she was wonderfully helped 
 to testify her continued zeal in the cause of truth and 
 righteousness, as well as affectionate concern for those 
 engaged in gospel missions, earnestly desiring that di- 
 vine assistance and preservation might be experienced 
 by this dear friend, whom she blessed in the name of 
 the Lord. 
 
 During the 7th month my precious mother was so 
 far recovered as to ride out several times, and we be- 
 gan to entertain hopes of a partial restoration, fondly 
 anticipating the probability of enjoying her valued so- 
 ciety, even though the days of active service might be 
 over. 
 
 This she frequently said she believed was the case,, 
 and spoke of the peaceful retrospect which she was 
 often enabled to take, whilst feeling that her gospel 
 labours were only valuable as tests of her love and 
 obedience, but not furnishing any ground of depend- 
 ance. Yet she was much engaged in encouraging to 
 faithfulness, often saying to those who visited her, as 
 well as to her attendants, " Mind that the day's work 
 keeps pace with the day," and in exhorting her fel- 
 low-ministers strongly expressed the necessity of being 
 completely devoted to the sacred calling, and not shun- 
 ning to declare the whole counsel of God. 
 
 These communications were accompanied by remarks 
 which evinced great humility with respect to her own 
 services. Once, upon some allusion being made to her 
 diligent occupation of the time and talents with which 
 she was entrusted; she sweetly and in great tenderness 
 of spirit, replied, " Feebly and unworthily as they have 
 been used, I trust it was with a single view to the help 
 of others, and the glory of the dear Redeemer ; and if 
 
1822— 1823.] MARY DUDLEY* 283 
 
 He forgives all the mixture, all that has been of the 
 creature, and mercifully receives me into rest and 
 peace, whether he affords those bright prospects, which 
 in the beginning of this illness and often since have 
 been vouchsafed, or not, Oh may I never doubt or cast 
 away my confidence. 
 
 " I trust that He who hath loved with an everlast- 
 ing love, will continue to uphold me, notwithstanding 
 all the weakness of the flesh, and the temptations of 
 the cruel enemy. Oh this enemy, he uever quits his 
 hold of poor human nature while he can assail it, 
 where is it said that the Saviour condescended to be 
 tempted ?" The passage 4th of Heb. and 15th verse 
 was then repeated, to which she assented, as what con- 
 veyed comfort to her soul. 
 
 Afterwards, when under considerable suffering of 
 body, she prayed for patience, and added "Oh! if I 
 should become impatient with the Divine will, what 
 reproach it would occasion: I feel poor and empty, 
 and when lying awake am not able to fix my thoughts 
 upon what I desire and prefer, but little things present, 
 and this tries me. David speaks of having songs in 
 the night, but I sometimes say, these, (meaning intru- 
 sive thoughts,) are not the Lord's songs. 
 
 " 1 have nothing in the world that really occupies 
 me, no object of peculiar interest except my children, 
 and these I can leave to Him who I trust will care for 
 them and protect them." 
 
 It was very striking to us, and to some of those 
 friends who occasionally saw my precious mother, how 
 entirely she was abstracted from temporal things, sel- 
 dom evincing much interest about passing events, and 
 repeatedly observing that every thing of a terrestrial 
 
284 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 
 
 nature was so nearly alike to her, that she could say 
 desire had failed. 
 
 There was also such a settled solemnity of counte- 
 nance as indicated her thoughts and mind being in 
 heaven. 1 scarcely remember seeing hei^smile during 
 the whole illness, though nothing of gloom or anxiety 
 was apparent. 
 
 Some Friends, for whose best welfare she had been 
 long concerned, coming to take leave of her when about 
 to go a journey, she testified the continuance of her so- 
 licitude by imparting much christian counsel. She 
 enjoined the young people of the family to value the 
 privileges of their education, and not to be ashamed of 
 the cross even in what are termed little things ; saying 
 that she wished the standard of simplicity might never 
 be lowered amongst us, and as their temptations to de- 
 viate would be likely to increase, she felt earnest in 
 pressing what it was probable would be her last ad- 
 vice. This proved the case, for though she lived until 
 their return they never again met. 
 
 Early in the 8th month symptoms of increasing de- 
 bility came on, and it was obvious that her constitu- 
 tion was gradually sinking; of this she was fully 
 aware, though from tenderness to those about her, 
 she seldom spoke on the subject. 
 
 On being settled in bed one night she solemnly said, 
 " When this poor body drops I should like if Friends 
 see no objection, for it to be taken into Southwark 
 Meeting, and from thence to Bunhill Fields. No in- 
 vitations to be given, nor any unnecessary expense 
 gone to, only information to my friends that the pins 
 of the earthly tabernacle have at length fallen out. 
 Nothing done, nothing said, nor if possible thought, 
 
1822 1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 285 
 
 but what lays the creature where it ought to be, and I 
 trust is, prostrate at the footstool of Divine mercy : a 
 poor humble yet confiding sinner. 
 
 " I trust enough may have been said, however fee- 
 bly, to manifest my faith and the ground of my hopes, 
 which solely rest upon the mercy and goodness of 
 God in Jesus Christ."* 
 
 About the same time when much tried with restless- 
 ness, she expressed her fear that patience would not 
 hold out ; but on its being observed that this virtue 
 was from time to time graciously renewed to her, she 
 said with earnestness, " ' As thy day so shall thy 
 strength be/ is a promise which has been signally ful- 
 filled in my experience j and now all I desire is that 
 patience may have her perfect work, and that when 
 passing through the valley light enough may be af- 
 forded." 
 
 One day in the latter end of the 8th mo. when tak- 
 ing leave for the night of a relation towards whom she 
 had acted the part of a tender mother she said, " Thou 
 seest me, my dear, in a state of much poverty and 
 weakness. Oh that I may be favoured with a little 
 
 * In some written directions respecting her burial, penned se- 
 veral years before her death, there are a few observations which 
 in addition to the desire expressed above, contain such evidence 
 of gospel concern on behalf of her fellow members, as to be 
 judged worthy of insertion : 
 
 " I request that my body may be taken to the Meeting-house 
 of Southwark, where I have for many years past mingled in per- 
 son, and often in deep unutterable and sometimes acknowledged 
 exercise, with the burden bearers there. A meeting if not regu- 
 larly held to be appointed, that while dead, a silent testimony may 
 be proclaimed to that love, wherein prayer has frequently arisen, 
 that grace, mercy, and peace might abound there, and among all 
 the Lord's professing people. " 
 
386 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 
 
 more light before entering the dark valley." She re- 
 plied, that she felt sweet peace on sitting beside her, 
 aud repeated the language of our Saviour, < Blessed, 
 are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of hea- 
 ven/ to which the beloved sufferer answered ; " That 
 is precious, I can be thankful for even the smallest 
 crumb from a child of my heavenly Father's. Preach 
 Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block, and 
 to the Greeks foolishness : there is much of the Greek 
 and Jewish spirit amongst us, but be not thou afraid 
 to preach the cross of Christ, and to proclaim not 
 only what He would do within us by His spirit, but 
 also what He hath done without us, the all-atoning 
 sacrifice which should never be lost sight of." 
 
 After a pause she added, " I often look back to the 
 Quarterly Meeting in the spring ; I am glad I was at 
 it, and love to remember the sweet feeling that prevail- 
 ed. Oh what I have felt for the Quarterly Meeting of 
 London and Middlesex ! If I live to the next I should 
 be willing to be taken to it, and once more proclaim 
 the mercy of God in Christ Jesus, all is mercy, un- 
 merited mercy ; nothing attaches to the creature, all 
 my dependance is on the mercy of God in Jesus 
 Christ." 
 
 The first of the 9th month was a day of much bodily 
 suffering, but one wherein the affectionate and religious 
 feelings of my revered parent were peculiarly excited, 
 After writing a few lines indicating the unabated 
 strength and tenderness of her maternal feelings, she 
 expressed a wish to speak a little to her daughters, and 
 upon their all sitting beside her said with much calm- 
 ness, i( It has been a low cloudy time of late, but a little 
 more light seemed to spring up this morning, and if this 
 should be the last time I may bear testimony to the 
 
1822—1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 287 
 
 goodness of the Almighty, I can acknowledge with 
 thankfulness that this has followed me all my life long. 
 That the Lord's mercy and love have never failed me, 
 since He took me out of the wilderness of the world, 
 and before that time He girded me, and restrained 
 from evil. 
 
 " I have never doubted the universality, the free- 
 aess and fulness of Divine grace, and my faith is now 
 unshaken. Oh ! never limit this grace, proclaim it as 
 that whereby all may be saved. I go trembling and 
 dependent, hoping that my sins will be forgiven for 
 the sake of ' Him who loved us, and gave Himself for 
 us.' I have nothing of my own, not a rag, (if I may 
 use the expression of another friend,) to clothe me 
 with." 
 
 She then gave some directions relative to the future, 
 and afterwards remarked that she felt much relieved 
 by what had passed. Early in the morning of the 
 second she enquired where is that sweet language, < to 
 he ever with the Lord?' Her countenance at the same 
 time indicating heavenly tranquillity, and she seem- 
 ed comforted by having the 4th chapter of the First 
 Epistle to the Thessalonians read to her. 
 
 Several times when taking leave of her family for 
 the night, she solemnly uttered this short petition, 
 ei Gracious Lord prepare us for what is to come." 
 And when suffering from pain, and the feeling of gene- 
 ral irritation, she frequently petitioned, " Lord enable 
 us to trust that thou wilt never lay more on me than 
 thou wilt give strength and patience to endure," add- 
 ing, " Pray that I may have patience." 
 
 On the 5th, conversing seriously respecting her situ- 
 ation, it was remarked that her seeming ignorant as to 
 the issue still produced a degree of hope that the trial 
 
S88 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 
 
 of separation was not yet at hand, to which she quickly- 
 replied, " That this is my death illness I have not the 
 least doubt, but the time may be wisely and mercifully 
 concealed from me ; the end may come in a moment, 
 and if it be the Lord's will to save me from agonizing 
 pain, and grant a quiet dismissal, what a. favour it will 
 be. Oh ! to pass quietly away. I feel very poor, and 
 have many infirmities, which I hoped might be les» 
 sensibly felt at this awful time ; but I have this one 
 testimony, I am nothing, Christ is all. My friends are 
 dear to me, there is nothing in my heart but love to all. 
 God is love; He has supported me through many 
 trials, and now enables me to rely on His free, full and 
 unmerited mercy. Glory, glory, glory be to His name 
 now and for ever. The earth shall be filled with the 
 knowledge of the Lord, and from the rising of the sun 
 to the going down of the same His name is to be 
 jiraised." 
 
 First day, the 7th, she seemed like one on the verge 
 of the eternal world, and evidently thought herself go- 
 ing. The difficulty of breathing and occasional spasms 
 on her chest being very distressing to herself, and to 
 those around her. She several times said, " Come 
 Lord Jesus, come quickly. Into thy hand I commit 
 my spirit." 
 
 Observing that she felt too weak even to hear the 
 scriptures read, she sweetly added, u But I can think 
 of their author." When parting for the night she com- 
 mended each of her children to Divine protection, im- 
 ploring the heavenly blessing for them, under the in- 
 fluence of strong affection, and with the solemnity of 
 Christian concern. 
 
 Contrary to expectation she obtained some refresh- 
 ing sleep, and became a little revived, saying next 
 
1822—1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 289 
 
 morning, ee I expected to be in another world by this 
 time. Lord enable me to wait in the patience thy ap- 
 pointed time." 
 
 The evening of the 9th after hearing a chapter in the 
 Bible she spoke with an audible voice, " Lord thou 
 hast been our dwelling place in all generations," going 
 on correctly with the first four verses of the 90th 
 Psalm, and then added, " So teach us to numler our 
 days that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom." Thus 
 do, for my children, gracious Lord, and oh ! afford me 
 a renewed evidence of Thy goodness, for a day in Thy 
 courts is better than a thousand." After a little pause, 
 "How wonderfully He is supporting me, and though 
 there may be such an impoverished state as to have 
 no oblation, the Lord Almighty knows where the re- 
 fuge is." 
 
 She once remarked, "There is too much religious 
 reading and speaking among some serious persons, a 
 little precious quiet and fresh feeling, how far beyond 
 all : do not depend on forms, seek to have the spirit of 
 prayer raised in the heart, and then what is offered will 
 be in the life, and meet with gracious acceptance." 
 
 On the evening of the 10th, she desired the 12th 
 chapter of the Hebrews might be read, and afterwards 
 spoke at considerable length on " the privilege and 
 blessing of the gospel, the importance of attending to 
 the voice of Christ as it is uttered in the secret of the 
 heart, where Be speaks against sin, and gradually pre- 
 pares for being joined to the just of all generations," 
 adding, " He tasted death for every man, and the grace 
 of God which bringeth salvation hath appeared unto 
 all men;" repeating the whole text, and commenting 
 upon it in a clear and instructive manner. She after- 
 wards prayed with great earnestness for her family, 
 37 ' 
 
£90 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII, 
 
 concluding with these words, "Let all the dispensa- 
 tions of Thy wisdom be sanctified to their souls, and 
 in thy great mercy prepare each of us to be joined to 
 the just of all generations, in ascribing to Thee ever- 
 lasting praise. Amen." 
 
 For above a week after this time my precious mother 
 continued so bright and capable of entering into those 
 subjects which interested her best feelings, that we 
 were often ready to think the bitterness of death was 
 again passed for a season, and that we might enjoy her 
 valuable society even for months to come. A friend 
 who had been from home some days and called to see 
 her, was quite surprised at the animated manner in 
 which she inquired about Frieuds in the country, and 
 conversed respecting the state of Meetings, &c. 
 
 Upon asking her about this period what part of the 
 Bible she would like to have read to her, she replied, 
 " Not a chapter that treats on doctrinal subjects, my 
 mind has been long made up on all those points." And 
 she frequently desired that either some of her great 
 Master's sayings or the Psalms might be turned to, 
 generally commenting upon what she heard with her 
 accustomed force and clearness. She saw a few indi- 
 viduals whom she expressed a wish to take leave of, 
 and was strengthened to evince her Christian love and 
 solicitude for them, in a manner which she afterwards 
 said felt relieving to her mind. 
 
 First day the 14th, when very weak and languid, 
 she observed, " I cannot think or keep my attention 
 fixed, but merciful goodness forgives the infirmities of 
 human nature; what would become of me now, if I 
 wanted parsons, bread and wine, and to make confes- 
 sion of sins ? What a mercy to be delivered from all 
 dependance on man, poor and weak perhaps as myself. 
 
1822—1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 291 
 
 What is man whose breath is in his nostrils. Lord 
 receive me for Christ's sake, is my plea!" 
 
 Being tried with restlessness, and the desire for fre- 
 quent change of position, she sweetly remarked, "It 
 is only the body, it does not get within, all there is 
 peaceful, quiet trust." In the evening she desired that 
 the family might collect for reading, saying, " We 
 may not have another first day," and listened with 
 close attention to the 16th chapter of John, responding 
 to different expressions with her usual quickness of 
 feeling. 
 
 During the night she seemed as if richly enjoying 
 the foretaste of perfect happiness and peace. Once af- 
 ter taking some refreshment she said, " How good, all 
 is sweet, sweet nurses, what mercies to be thankful for ; 
 there are no nurses like children. I have often thought 
 lately whether the feeling of gratitude has ever been 
 sufficiently prevalent in my heart, the sense of heavenly 
 goodness, and my many blessings seems so to increase ; 
 I could have sung a song of praise this night." 
 
 In the morning she desired a few verses in the Bible 
 might be read, and being asked what part, said " No 
 matter, all is treasure," but in a minute or two added, 
 " The Lord hear thee," upon which the 20th Psalm 
 was read, by which she seemed comforted, saying at 
 the conclusion, " Lord we thank Thee that Thou hast 
 heard." 
 
 After obtaining some refreshing sleep she observed 
 with emotion, " Often through Divine mercy some- 
 thing so sweet touches my soul, my good Master is I 
 trust near me, all is well, all is right, the Lord has 
 never forsaken me ; God forbid I should distrust His 
 mercy, though the enemy has thrust sore at me, but I 
 have remembered the language, ( Oh thou enemy de- 
 
29# THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII, 
 
 strnctions are come to a perpetual end.' What mercy, 
 a perpetual end." 
 
 A medical friend calling to see her she manifested 
 the continuance of christian love and interest for him, 
 by desiring the Lord might bless him in his under- 
 takings, and added, " Keep near to Him, and may He 
 keep thee near to Himself, that is the way my dear 
 friend, keep near to God, through that grace which 
 bringeth salvation, farewell !" 
 
 On the moruing of the 19th a distressing spasm at 
 her chest caused my beloved mother to feel as if dying, 
 and the appearance to those around her was awfully 
 affecting, when a little relieved she spoke as follows : 
 " Glory, glory, glory to Him that sitteth upon the 
 throne and to the Lamb for ever, nothing in the way, 
 all peaceful within, but ah these struggles ! Lord take 
 me not away in anguish, grant a calm if it be Thy 
 blessed will. Do not hold me, I can give you all up, 
 I must go, do you yield me up every one of you ? Ah ! 
 do not hold me." 
 
 Being told that we were endeavouring to feel resig- 
 nation, and desired not to hold her, she expressed satis- 
 faction, and said, "Now then leave me in the Lord's 
 hands, make no efforts ; Lord Jesus receive my spirit." 
 After a while she had some sweet sleep, and on awak- 
 ing said, " How wonderful that I am here, I expected 
 to wake in another world, Lord why is it, why am I 
 kept? but it is not for me to say what doest Thou?" 
 
 In an interview with our dear friend Maria Pollard 
 she mentioned it as a great favour " at such a time as 
 this to have nothing in the way, though I am a poor 
 creature, very poor, and have nothing to depend on 
 but Divine mercy," adding, " how dost thou feel be- 
 side me? Do not conceal a word even if reproof be 
 
1822 — 1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 293 
 
 needful." M. P. telling her she felt nothing but sweet 
 peace, and deemed it a privilege to be near her, trust- 
 ing that she should remember the opportunity with 
 thankfulness during the remainder of her life, she re- 
 plied, " That is more to me than rubies, then I am not 
 deceiving myself." 
 
 Humility as it regarded her own attainments and 
 feelings, was strikingly conspicuous in my revered pa- 
 rent during her whole illness, and the manner in which 
 this was evinced, by one of such deep experience in the 
 way and work of righteousness, offered very important 
 instruction to those who had taken fewer steps in the 
 christian course. 
 
 During the remainder of this day she frequently ex- 
 pressed her surprise at being still in the body, saying, 
 " I seemed just at the gate, to have almost entered it, 
 and now to be here, what am I kept for?" After a 
 short pause she added, " Give my love to all friends, 
 tell them to cast off the works of darkness whatever 
 they are, and seek to be clothed with the whole armour 
 of light, which is Christ within, the hope of glory. 
 The world, the world gets in, and occupies the atten- 
 tion, and then there is a settling down in form, without 
 the power." 
 
 At night she said, is Lord strengthen me to go 
 through the remaining conflict, I thought the conflict 
 would have ended this night, enable me to wait in pa- 
 tience; I am afraid I feel impatient, may I be forgiven 
 if I do any thing wrong." 
 
 First day morning 21st. After a distressing night, 
 and while tried with the feeling of restlessness, lifting 
 up her hands and eyes she fervently exclaimed, " Grant 
 a moment's calm of body, if it be Thy blessed will." 
 Which petition being almost immediately answered she 
 
291' THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 
 
 solemnly and with a clear voice proceeded, " Praise, 
 praise, for this calm. Now Lord, into Thy hands I 
 commend my spirit. Bless my children, bless Thy 
 own work ; receive my feeble but I trust not unaccept- 
 able acknowledgments for Thy great goodness, while 
 I have nothing to depend on, nothing to look to, but 
 mercy, mercy, unchangeable mercy. " Awhile after, 
 bearing her in a low voice mention the word " Rock" 
 it was observed that she felt sustained by the Rock of 
 ages, to which she sweetly replied " That's it, Oh ! this 
 rock," with some further allusion to the support she ex- 
 perienced, in words which were not distinctly heard. 
 
 The whole of this day might be termed a Sabbath 
 indeed, for whilst every affectionate feeling was in 
 painful exercise, under the certainty that the hour of 
 separation was fast approaching, the power and pre- 
 sence of the Most High were signally vouchsafed ; so 
 that nature seemed hushed into stillness, and reverent 
 submission to the will of Him who was thus conde- 
 scending to make His strength perfect in weakness. 
 
 In the evening my precious mother suddenly uttered 
 this language. " The dead shall be raised incorrup- 
 tible, and we shall be changed, in a moment, in the 
 twinkling of an eye." Part of the 15th chapter of 
 the First of Corinthians being read to her, she made 
 remarks upon different expressions which evinced her 
 clear and fresh conviction of those important truths, 
 and on hearing the 57th verse, she audibly pronounc- 
 ed " Amen V 9 Soon after which she said, "Conflict 
 is over, the combat is ended and victory proclaimed. 
 i Thanks be unto God who giveth us the victory 
 through our Lord Jesus Christ /' Now is the accept- 
 ed time, now I trust the day of salvation, Glory, 
 glory, glory !» 
 
1822 1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 295 
 
 Early in the morning, the 14th of John was read to 
 her, to which she attended with her wonted quickness 
 of perception. At the 17th verse she remarked, 
 " There is the new covenant dispensation, ' He dwell- 
 eth with you and shall be in you. I will pour out my 
 spirit upon allflesh. ! ' He tasted death for every man. 
 Oh ! never limit Divine mercy." After a time of so- 
 lemn stillness she said with peculiar emphasis, " Grace 
 has triumphed over nature's feelings. The Lord has 
 fulfilled His promise. He has given the victory 
 through Jesus Christ, to whom he glory and power, 
 dominion, salvation and strength now and for ever ; 
 holy ! holy ! holy !" 
 
 Second day 22d. While her family stood around 
 her bed, and it appeared as if she was on the point 
 of entering upon her eternal and much desired rest, my 
 beloved mother repeatedly asked, " Do you give me 
 up, who holds me?" She then said, "Oh! do not 
 hold me. I proclaim I am ready, Lord God Almighty, 
 Thou hast done Thy part, praise and thanksgiving to 
 Thy name for this day ; I am ready, and willing to 
 go, now Lord let thy servant depart in peace accord- 
 ing to Thy word. Oh ! save the world, turn the 
 hearts of the irreligious, give them hearts of flesh. 5 ' 
 Her continuance in the body much surprised, and even 
 tried her, and she frequently queried, " Why am I 
 detained, Lord why is it ?" 
 
 A few hours after this she was strengthened to speak 
 in an extraordinary manner to some of her children, 
 and her little grand daughter, adapting her language 
 to the capacity of the child, so as strikingly to evince 
 the clearness of her recollection, and unabated sound- 
 ness of mind, when the powers of nature were all 
 but exhausted. She mentioned feeling a good deal 
 
296 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 
 
 speut with this exertion, but much relieved in mind, 
 and frequently remarked on the peace she enjoyed, 
 sweetly saying, " I feel so peaceful !" 
 
 From this time it seemed as if my beloved mother 
 was scarcely an inhabitant of this world, her language 
 being generally that of adoration and praise, and ac- 
 companied by the names and attributes of her God and 
 Saviour. She was often evidently engaged in prayer, 
 when only broken sentences could be gathered, and 
 the names of her children were pronounced with affec- 
 tionate epithets. 
 
 In the forenoon of 4th day, she began to slumber a 
 good deal, and lay in an easy and composed state, 
 which her attendants did not interrupt by asking her 
 any questions ; thinking it most consistent with the 
 awful occasion, and knowing it to be accordant with 
 her own feelings, not to excite natural emotion, or re- 
 cal the happily prepared spirit in any degree to the 
 world, from which it was gradually, and most peace- 
 fully receding. For some hours the coldness and hue 
 of death were apparent, but her breathing was so easy 
 that it seemed scarcely possible the change could be 
 so near. 
 
 The only evidence of approaching dissolution was a 
 gentle sinking of the breath, which continued like that 
 of a sleeping infant ; until without any perceptible in- 
 termission or the slightest struggle, it ceased, and the 
 immortal and redeemed spirit ascended with joy to the 
 mansions of never-ending rest and peace, about half- 
 past eight o'clock on fourth day evening, the 24th of 
 9th mo. 1823 ; leaving its worn tenement with the ap- 
 pearance of perfect tranquillity, and a countenance 
 which strikingly indicated holy settlement and perma- 
 nent repose. 
 
1822—1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 297 
 
 The repeated prayer of this ancient and honourable 
 servant of the Lord was thus remarkably answered, 
 by her last hours being exempt from any degree of 
 bodily anguish, and exhibiting the calm solemnity she 
 so highly valued. Under this feeling, and amidst the 
 poignant sense of such a bereavement, nature was 
 mercifully hushed into stillness ; and while all her 
 children stood around her bed, a thankful assurance 
 of the unspeakably glorious transition of one so justly 
 beloved, overcame selfish sorrow, and tended to pro- 
 duce that resignation to the Divine will, wherein the 
 strength and true consolation of the believer are known 
 to consist. My dear mother was aged seventy-three 
 years, three months and sixteen days. 
 
 On 5th day, the second of 10th month, the precious 
 remains were taken into a Meeting appointed for the 
 purpose at Southwark. It was largely attended by 
 Friends and others, and signally favoured with the co- 
 vering of solemnity, both in the time of silence, and 
 while many Friends were engaged in the line of gos- 
 pel ministry. 
 
 The same extension of divine regard was again evi- 
 dent, while a numerous assembly stood beside the 
 grave at Bunhill Fields, and the last affecting duty of 
 depositing the coffin in i the house appointed for all 
 living? was succeeded by a silence peculiarly impres- 
 sive, so that then, as at the moment of dissolution, the 
 tide of natural grief was restrained by Almighty 
 power, while the contemplation of her life and death 
 emphatically called upon survivors to follow her as 
 she had followed Christ. 
 
 38 
 
£98 THE LIFE OF 
 
 TESTIMONY 
 
 OF 
 
 SOUTHWARK MONTHLY MEETING 
 
 CONCERNING 
 
 MARY DUDLEY, 
 
 DECEASED. 
 
 THIS our beloved friend was born in the city of 
 Bristol the 8th of the 6th mo. 1750, of parents profes- 
 sing the principles of the Established Church ; who 
 strictly attending to the ceremonies instituted therein, 
 introduced her from a child into a regular observance 
 of them ; notwithstanding which she was allowed to 
 enter into most of the vain amusements of the world, to 
 which her natural disposition greatly inclined ; and 
 being of engaging manners her company was much 
 sought after, and her temptations to gaiety thereby 
 greatly increased. It appears however, by some of 
 her memorandums, that she was very early favoured 
 with the visitation of divine love ; and whilst pursuing 
 the gratifications of time and sense, she was often im- 
 pressed with an awfulness and fear, which led her to 
 desire the possession of more substantial enjoyments ; 
 and which ultimately produced a gravity of demeanour 
 
MARY DUDLEY. 299 
 
 that exposed her to the ridicule of her less thoughtful 
 companions. 
 
 About the 20th year of her age she withdrew from 
 those scenes of dissipation and folly to which she had 
 been accustomed : became dissatisfied with the forms 
 and ceremonies in which she had been educated, and 
 apprehending that she had received benefit from the 
 ministry of some of the Wesleyan Methodists, she 
 was induced to connect herself with that Society, and 
 continued a member thereof between two and three 
 years ; but remained at the same time an attender of 
 the established worship ; here she observes : " In the 
 several ceremonies of this, and in different Meetings 
 of the other, I felt unsatisfied, and often while others 
 were engaged in attention to the preaching, singing, 
 &c. has my spirit in solemn silence communed with 
 the Lord my strength, so that I scarcely knew what 
 was passing without me, and even felt disturbed from 
 this inward attraction when obliged to draw to that 
 gpot where the outward elements were prepared for 
 the congregation. Oh ! how did I then feel the hea- 
 venly mystery and sweetly partake of the bread of 
 life, so that all forms and shadows fled away, and be- 
 came no longer of use or efficacy to a mind feeding spi- 
 ritually on the substance." In this state she frequent- 
 ly attended the Meetings of Friends, and was so 
 drawn into fellowship with them, that although she 
 had no outward instruction, or was assisted in the un- 
 derstanding of their religious principles from the read- 
 ing of books, it appears she had so clear a view of 
 their profession and peculiar testimonies, and was so 
 strongly convinced of their consistency with the truth, 
 that she believed it would be required of her to demean 
 herself conformably thereto both in profession and 
 
300 THE LIFE OF 
 
 practice. But in submitting to this sense of duty, the 
 opposition from her family was so great, and the cross 
 to her own will so heavy, that she thought the yield- 
 ing up of her natural life would have been an easier 
 sacrifice. She was however, through mercy strength- 
 ened to obey the divine requiring, and in the 23rd year 
 of her age, on the ground of settled conviction joined 
 our religious Society ; about which period she felt her- 
 self constrained to speak in the line of ministry, from 
 which her natural disposition exceedingly shrunk. 
 After exercising the gift with which she was entrust- 
 ed, for some time, the conflicts of her spirit were so 
 great that she gave way to reasonings and doubts on 
 the subject of her call to the sacred office, and thus be- 
 came involved in unspeakable distress, from which at 
 times she could see no way to escape. 
 
 In the year 1777? she was married to Robert Dud- 
 ley of Clonmel in Ireland, but the society of an affec- 
 tionate husband, and an increase of domestic comforts 
 proved insufficient to afford that peace of which her 
 exercised spirit felt so much the want : and here she 
 described her situation as " often miserable" — con- 
 cluding that by disobedience she had forfeited the di- 
 vine favour, and should never again be commissioned 
 to proclaim her Lord's goodness. But He who had 
 called her to His service, and designed to qualify her 
 for His work, brought her out of these perplexities aud 
 close probations in which her mind had long been 
 involved, to the comfort of many who had suffered 
 with and for her, and to His own praise ; enabling 
 her again to bear public testimony to His goodness. 
 
 Her constitution being naturally delicate, she was 
 often affected with illness, and it was at times under 
 the pressure of much bodily suffering that the pros- 
 
MARY DUDLEY. 301 
 
 pect of religious services was opened to her, and a 
 preparation of mind for proceeding therein expe- 
 rienced. This was strikingly the case in the year 
 1787, when by a complication of disease she was 
 brought so low, as to be thought by those about her 
 to be near her close ; yet in this state of bodily infir- 
 mity, her spirit was attracted to distant parts, and in 
 the love of the gospel a people of strange language 
 presented to her view. This prospect in a short time 
 became more fully opened, and her love and allegiance 
 put to the closest test, by an apprehension that it was 
 required of her to unite with her beloved friend Sarah 
 Robert Grubb in a religious visit to France, Germany 
 and Holland. She had seven children, the youngest 
 only ten weeks old when entering on this engagement, 
 her health was very delicate, and in the progress of 
 the journey she experienced many deep conflicts. But 
 the holy arm of power being extended, she was ena- 
 bled to accomplish the service to the unspeakable 
 relief and peace of her own mind, and we trust to the 
 edification of those in that remote part of the vine- 
 yard, who were thirsting for spiritual refreshment. 
 Her resignation to the foregoing requiring was the 
 commencement of that devotedness to the cause of reli- 
 gion, which so conspicuously marked the future life of 
 this dedicated servant of the Lord. For the succeed- 
 ing twenty years, (when ability of body permitted,) she 
 was much occupied in travelling : having within that 
 period visited all the Meetings, and a large proportion 
 of the families of Friends in Ireland, Scotland and 
 Wales, many of the counties in England, and some 
 parts of the continent not included in her former jour- 
 ney : besides which she was engaged in most places in 
 holding Meetings with those of other denominations. 
 After the decease of her beloved husband and two 
 
302 THE LIFE OF 
 
 children who had arrived at maturity, trials which 
 deeply wounded her susceptible feelings, she removed 
 in the year 1810, under an apprehension of duty, into 
 the neighbourhood of London, and resided for the most 
 part of the remainder of her life within the compass of 
 our Monthly Meeting. — She was a minister highly 
 esteemed amongst us, sound in faith and doctrine, la- 
 bouring diligently in gospel love for the promotion of 
 the cause of truth and righteousness, under the pressure 
 of much bodily weakness ; a bright example of devoted- 
 ness in declining years, and we believe it may be truly 
 said of her, she was " fervent in spirit, serving the 
 Lord," that in her removal we feel the church has 
 sustained the loss of a mother in Israel. After coming 
 amongst us, she visited most of the families comprising 
 the Quarterly Meeting of London and Middlesex, and 
 travelled in several counties in the line of the ministry. 
 The youth in our Society were the objects of her pecu- 
 liar aud affectionate solicitude, for whom she was at 
 times concerned to appoint Meetings : she was also fa- 
 voured with a gift that remarkably qualified her for 
 service in Meetings with those not in religious profes- 
 sion with us, in the exercise of which she was fre- 
 quently engaged in advocating, in a clear and convinc- 
 ing manner, the doctrine of universal and free grace, 
 and the divinity of our Lord aud Saviour Jesus 
 Christ. She experienced many deep trials which 
 she bore with exemplary resignation ; evincing there- 
 by her reliance on divine support; thus could she feel- 
 ingly sympathize with others under affliction, and was 
 often enabled to hand the cup of consolation for their 
 encouragement. Her last religious engagement was a 
 visit to the families of Friends belonging to Devonshire 
 Meeting, which she was enabled to accomplish early 
 in the past year to the admiration of herself and others ; 
 
MARY DUDLEY. 803 
 
 during which she frequently expressed her belief that 
 her day's work was drawing to a close. After this, 
 when ability of body permitted she continued to attend 
 her own Meeting until the 18th of 4th month, when 
 she was confined to her bed with what appeared to be 
 the effects of a severe cold : symptoms of fever soon 
 followed, and in a few days the disorder had made so 
 rapid a progress that danger was apprehended. She 
 frequently expressed a belief that nature would sink 
 under the weight of illness with which she was oppress- 
 ed : saying, " I do not feel able to struggle as hereto- 
 fore, but 1 have no sight as to how it may be, nor any 
 wish to go unless it be the will of heaven :" again she 
 said, " when the doubtings and hesitations of nature 
 have been kept down, the Divine will has been all to 
 me. Thy will be done is the highest anthem ever sung 
 on earth or in heaven." She was eminently favoured 
 with the sensible enjoyment of the Lord's presence, 
 and often testified of the support and consolation thus 
 afforded her. " I have loved the cause of my Re- 
 deemer, it was to draw to him, and fix the attention of 
 the mind upon him alone, that I have been made wil- 
 ling to proclaim His goodness." Being much tried with 
 pain and other distressing symptoms she observed, "I 
 only fear that through long continued suffering I may 
 not exemplify that which I have held up to others, the 
 sufficiency of divine power : may patience have its per- 
 fect work, whether any glimpse of the unspeakable 
 glory be afforded or not. Oh ! if this be know it must 
 be glory to God in the highest, through Him who came 
 to procure peace on earth ; the language of the redeem- 
 ed through all eternity will be, Not unto us, not unto 
 us, but unto thy name be the praise : I could say much ; 
 my heart is full, but the poor body must have rest." 
 1st of 5th mo. This night when solemnly conversing 
 
304 THE LIFE OF 
 
 on her precarious situation, with a peculiar calmness 
 and feeling she said, " I seem to have nothing to do 
 but with the present moment, no looking back with 
 uneasiness, but in thankful remembrance of great and 
 unmerited mercy, whereon I trust there was a building 
 long ago. Oh ! not to doubt the foundation is a great 
 mercy, tell all there is no other way but that of resign- 
 ing up all. 77 About this time she was informed of the 
 alarming illness of a valuable minister, when with much 
 tenderness of spirit she uttered the following emphatic 
 language, " Oh our poor Society ! Lord raise up 
 judges, counsellors, feelers, such as are quick of un- 
 derstanding in thy fear — and if children are to become 
 teachers give them wisdom and humility. 77 On allusion 
 beiug made to the diligence with which she had occu- 
 pied the time and talents committed to her trust, she 
 sweetly replied, (( Feebly, and unworthily as they have 
 been used, I trust it was with a single eye to the help 
 of others and the glory of the dear Redeemer. And if 
 he forgive all the mixture, all that has been of the 
 creature, and mercifully receive me into rest and peace, 
 whether he affords those bright prospects which in the 
 beginning of this illness and often since have been 
 vouchsafed, or not; Oh! may I never doubt or cast 
 away my confidence, that He who hath loved with an 
 everlasting love will continue to uphold me, notwith- 
 standing the weakness of the flesh, and the temptations 
 of the cruel enemy. Oh ! this enemy, he never quits 
 his hold of poor human nature while he can assail it. 77 
 Early in the 8th month she became increasingly de- 
 bilitated, and thought it probable her remaining strength 
 would be soon exhausted ; and one night after having 
 given some directions respecting her funeral, she ex- 
 pressed a wish that nothing might be done, nothing 
 said, nor if possible thought but what would lay the 
 
MARY DUDLEY. 305 
 
 creature where it ought to be, and where she trusted it 
 theu was, prostrate at the footstool of divine mercy. 
 
 Her situation at this period was very fluctuating, but 
 the evidence of Almighty support and consolation be- 
 came increasingly manifest. On its being observed 
 that, as she had no clear sight of the issue of her dis- 
 order, a hope was induced she might be again raised 
 up, she replied quickly, " That this is my death ill- 
 ness I have not the least doubt, but the time may be 
 mercifully concealed from me ; and if it be the Lord's 
 will to save me from agonizing pain, and grant a quiet 
 dismissal, what a favour it will be." — At a time when 
 she was sending some messages of love to some of her 
 friends, she said, " I am nothing, Christ is all ! my 
 friends are dear to me, nothing in my heart but love to 
 all — God is love. Glory, glory, glory, be to his name 
 now and for ever." 
 
 During the last three weeks of her life, she suffered 
 much from the difficulty of breathing, and general 
 bodily uneasiness : her mind however was wonderfully 
 supported; so that to those around her she frequently 
 appeared to be favoured with a foretaste of the rich en- 
 joyment of perfect happiness and peace. At another 
 time, when tried with pain and restlessness, she said, 
 "It is only the body; it does not get within : all there 
 is peaceful quiet trust ;" again, " nothing in the way. 
 Ah ! do not hold me ; yield me up ; I must go ; I could 
 have sung a song of praise this night." 
 
 After a distressing night she prayed with earnestness, 
 " Grant a moment's ease of body if it be thy blessed 
 will !" The petition appeared to be soon answered ; for 
 almost immediately after she proceeded thus, " Praise, 
 praise for this calm. Now Lord into thy hands I com- 
 mend my spirit; bless my children; bless thy own 
 39 
 
30(3 THE LIFE OF MARY DUDLEY. 
 
 work." The attributes of her God and Saviour now 
 became almost her only theme, and she often seemed 
 as if scarcely an inhabitant of earth. Her approaching 
 dissolution was now apparent, and the following are 
 some of her latest expressions. " Grace has triumphed 
 over nature's feelings ; the Lord has fulfilled his pro- 
 mise, he has given the victory through Jesus Christ, 
 to whom be glory, and power, dominion and strength, 
 now and for ever, holy, holy, holy." 
 
 Her departure was observable only by gradually 
 ceasing to breathe, and her immortal and redeemed 
 spirit we doubt not ascended to the mansions of never- 
 ending rest and peace. She died at her house at Peck- 
 ham on the 24th of the 9th month, 1823, in the 7*th 
 year of her age; a minister about 50 years; and her 
 remains were interred in Friends' Burial Ground, near 
 Bunhill Fields, on the 2d of the 10th month, after a 
 solemn Meeting at Southwark. 
 
 Signed in Southwark Monthly Meeting, 10th of 2d 
 month, 1824, by many Friends. 
 
 At a Quarterly Meeting for London and Middlesex, 
 held the 30th of the Sd month, 1824. 
 
 The foregoing testimony concerning our beloved 
 friend Mary Dudley, whose memory is precious to us, 
 in the remembrance of her " work of faith and labour 
 of love," has been read in this Meeting, and being 
 cordially united with, after some small alterations, is 
 signed in and on behalf of the Meeting, by 
 
 John Eliot, Clerk. 
 
 Signed in and on behalf of the Women's Meeting, 
 Hannah Messer, Clerk. 
 
SOME ACCOUNT 
 
 LAST ILLNESS AND DEATH 
 
 HANNAH DUDLEY, 
 
 WHO WAS RELEASED FROM THE TROUBLES AND DANGERS OF TIME 
 
 NINETEENTH DAY OP THE THIRD MONTH, 1S10? 
 
 26th YEAR OF HER AGE. 
 
APPENDIX, 
 
 The following account was drawn up by the Editor at the 
 time, and has been circulated in manuscript among the cotem- 
 poraries and friends of the deceased. Her dear mother having 
 left a written request, that if any memorial of her life were 
 ever prepared for publication, this should be added to the work, 
 it now seems proper to premise a few particulars respecting 
 the character of one who was but little known beyond the 
 circle of her immediate connexions. Hannah Dudley was the 
 third daughter of Robert and Mary Dudley, and born at Clon- 
 mel, in Ireland. Her disposition was amiable and tender, com- 
 bined with a degree of reserve, so that, although naturally 
 cheerful, she shrunk from observation, and was peculiarly 
 diffident in her manner. She was seriously thoughtful from a 
 child; fond of reading the Holy Scriptures, and remarkable for 
 the solidity of her demeanour in religious meetings, which she 
 delighted to attend. As she advanced to youth, the favourable 
 impressions thus early made upon her mind were in some mea- 
 sure counteracted by indulgence in self-gratification, and she 
 took greater latitude with respect to dress and reading than 
 was consistent with her education, though not to an extent 
 which would be generally deemed reprehensible, nor by any 
 means equal to what many young persons of our Society give 
 way to. In the 20th year of her age she had a long and very 
 suffering illness, during which it pleased the Lord so to renew 
 the visitation of his love as greatly to humble and contrite her 
 spirit. In this state she saw the vanity and unsatisfying nature 
 of worldly enjoyments, mourned over the time which she had 
 spent unprofitably, and was brought under conviction for de- 
 viating, even in little things, from that simplicity which she 
 then felt it would be right for her to practise, however in the 
 cross to her natural inclination, 
 
310 APPENDIX. 
 
 She was strengthened to enter into covenant with her hea- 
 venly Father by the sacrifice of her will and affections; and 
 when raised from the bed of sickness, the fruits of humble de- 
 dication were obvious to others. She continued subject to try- 
 ing attacks of indisposition, but her patient endurance of pain, 
 increasing watchfulness and stability of conduct, with an evi- 
 dent weaning from worldly objects, proved that the great work 
 of transformation was powerfully, though secretly, carried for- 
 ward in her heart. 
 
 Some papers being found after her decease, which describe 
 the earnestness of her desire for complete sanctification, it is 
 thought that the following extracts may be a suitable introduc- 
 tion to the particulars of her last illness and death. 
 
311 
 
 EXTRACTS. 
 
 Eighth month, 25th, 1805. "This day I completed my 21st 
 year ; may the succeeding one witness a more perfect dedica- 
 tion of heart to the Creator and preserver of my life, and may 
 He graciously sanctify, (if his will,) the late severe dispensa- 
 tion with which he thought fit to visit." 
 
 Third month, 31st, 1806. " Although disease may be per- 
 mitted to make its advances by almost imperceptible degrees 
 towards a final termination of life, and with it all terrene in- 
 cumbrances, be pleased to grant, Oh! thou dispenser of every 
 blessing, an entire acquiescence and unreserved submission, 
 but, if consistent with thy holy will, merciful Father! bestow 
 more patience, more perfect resignation of heart, to every dis- 
 pensation of thy Providence. Thou alone canst afford ability 
 in the moment of trial to rely on thine unfailing arm for con- 
 solation and divine support. Teach me then, I beseech thee, 
 teach this unsubdued will, to bend unreservedly to thine. And, 
 Lord! if so mean a suppliant may be suffered to cast a peti- 
 tion at thy footstool, in abundant condescension be pleased, 
 Creator and preserver of my life, to continue near when pain 
 and weakness prove almost too much for the small grain of 
 faith, for thou alone, dearest Father, canst afford strength in 
 such a moment." 
 
 First month, 1st, 1809, 1 o'clock first day morning: 
 
 " Another year forever gone 
 Proclaims the end of time." 
 
 "May the succeeding one be passed more circumspectly, and 
 an increase of knowledge be acquired on subjects worthy the 
 pursuit of an immortal soul ! But resolutions formed without 
 mature and necessary reflection, and perseverance, steady un- 
 varying perseverance therein, can avail but little, alas how 
 little!" 
 
 Eighth month, 25th, 1809, sixth day. " The first of which I 
 have ever attempted to set down the occurrences, and the last 
 
312 APPENDIX. 
 
 I have to spend of my twenty-fifth year; a year in which there 
 has been little or no progress made in what ought to be the 
 grand pursuit of my life, and is designed to be the end of my 
 being. Thou! whose ways are not as our ways, nor thy 
 thoughts as our thoughts, grant that I may experience, (if per- 
 mitted to measure another year in this state of probation,) an 
 increase of desire, and stability in that desire, to follow more 
 implicitly, more resignedly, thy holy commandments; to watch 
 more guardedly over a disposition naturally prone to be too 
 easily excited by the occurrence of trivial circumstances, to 
 what is improper and reprehensible, both in my feelings and 
 language. Oh ! be pleased to teach me the way most suited to 
 curb, if not overcome, the propensity I have so frequently to 
 combat with, indulgence in imaginary prospects which never 
 can be realized, and which tends more than any other weak- 
 ness to alienate my mind from devotedness to Thee, thou great 
 Source of light and life. And ere I close this weak attempt to 
 petition for further strength and support at thy footstool, thou 
 God and Father of my life, be pleased to grant the humble re- 
 quest of one of thy most unworthy creatures, that this effort to 
 acquire some improvement in the most essential point may be 
 blessed." 
 
 Twenty-sixth, 1809, 7 o'clock, 7th day morning. "This day 
 I enter a new year. Oh may the numberless blessings conferred 
 on so unworthy an object during the preceding one, as well as 
 every other of my life, be thankfully had in remembrance, 
 and with sincere humility of heart considered of, every rising 
 and setting sun I may be permitted to behold. But, more often 
 than the rising or setting sun, may I be strengthened to return 
 thanks to his name who has been the preserver of my life, who 
 would be the enlightener of my eyes, did I permit them to be 
 opened to revealed conviction. Through His adorable conde- 
 scension am I still preserved; but were I more devotedly to 
 resign every selfish, sordid, low propensity, and substitute for- 
 th em the meekness, humility, and self-denial of the true fol- 
 lower of a crucified Redeemer, of how much more the instru- 
 ment of good to others should I be permitted to become; and 
 how much larger a portion of that peace which the world can- 
 
APPENDIX. 313 
 
 not give, neither take from its happy possessor, should I be 
 frequently blessed with." 
 
 On the 15th of the 1st month 1810, my precious sister was 
 attacked with violent pain in her face, to which she had been 
 liable since a long illness five years before, so that we did not 
 feel alarmed by it Lying in bed that day, and using proper 
 care, seemed to have the desired effect, and she was so much 
 better the two following days as to bear sitting up for a short 
 time. On the ISth the pain returned with much severity, and 
 was attended by symptoms of fever, and inability to sleep, 
 which she remarked was very trying. Towards noon her 
 spirits became much affected, but after being relieved by weep- 
 ing, she lay in a composed state, though still without sleeping 
 and said, " My poor dear Thomas seems continually before my 
 eyes."* At night she grew more easy, and fell into a sweet 
 sleep, which lasted nearly five hours; on awaking, however, 
 she felt no way refreshed, though tolerably free of pain; and 
 expressed such great anxiety at my not going to bed, that to 
 satisfy her I lay down for an hour or two. 
 
 The next evening she was sweetly collected, and we had 
 some very interesting conversation. She observed, "how just 
 is that line of Young's, " All men think all men mortal but 
 themselves;" and added, "how apt we are to forget that we 
 are not to continue here. I have been thinking of the 91st 
 Psalm, as applicable to our dear Mother; does it not end with 
 6 I will bless him with long life, and show him my salvation? ' " 
 She then asked me to read the whole of it, which I did, appa- 
 rently to her comfort: when I came to the last verse, she cheer- 
 fully said, " that is not one of the blessings I desire," meaning 
 long life; her mother answering, "but, my love, thou hast no 
 objection if such be the divine will?" " Oh, no," she replied, 
 " if it be the Lord's blessed will." That night, while in great 
 pain, she said she was afraid of being impatient, to which I re- 
 
 * A brother who had died in his 21st year, about two years before, and 
 to whom she was yery tenderly attached. 
 40 
 
314* APPENDIX. 
 
 plied that she had always been much favoured with patience 
 when tried by illness, which indeed was the case in a very 
 striking manner, she sweetly answered, " the Lord has never 
 laid more on me than he enabled me to bear; we should be poor 
 creatures without his help." She then calmly said, " I think 
 I shall not recover this illness." Being told that she had been 
 worse in former attacks, she replied, " yes I have, a great deal 
 worse and been restored, and I may be now; but somehow I 
 think I shall not, and if it be the will of the Almighty I should 
 rejoice, at least I hope I should. Is it in the Romans that pas- 
 sage is ? ' We are troubled on every side yet not distressed; 
 persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; 
 always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord 
 Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest 
 in our body.' 'For our light affliction, which is but for a 
 moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal 
 iveight of glory.' " Soon after this, mentioning a relation who 
 
 had lately died; "poor ," said she, " had a bustling 
 
 life; I trust she is at rest Oh! if people did but consider 
 rightly, I often think how insignificant those things would ap- 
 pear which now make us anxious and uneasy. 
 
 5 Ah! what is life, that thoughtless wish of all, 
 A drop of honey in a draught of gall.' " 
 
 I remarked that the next line was also striking: 
 
 " A half existence, or a waking dream." 
 
 " Yes, indeed," she replied, " we do not exist here; it is in eter- 
 nity we shall have our existence." After awhile she again 
 spoke on the improbability of her recovery, and mentioned her 
 absent brothers with much tenderness, desiring that when any 
 one wrote, her love might be given them; adding, " I think I 
 shall never see them again, but I don't know, of course none of 
 us can tell; but if not we must be satisfied; His holy blessed 
 will be done!" 
 
 On my saying that I hoped such a sorrow as losing her did 
 not await us, after all we had gone through, she cheerfully re- 
 peated, " Sorroiv!" I replied, " that it will not be sorrow to 
 
APPENDIX. 31£ 
 
 thee, my love, I can readily believe, but it will be a sore priva? 
 tion to us." She sweetly answered, alluding to the term sor- 
 row, " I hope not, I trust in the mercy of a gracious Saviour, 
 and rely on his merits only." I think it was on first day 
 evening, that being in great agony, she clasped her hands, as 
 in the attitude of prayer, and exclaimed, " Oh! merciful Father! 
 thou hast never laid more on me than thou enabled me to bear." 
 Presently after she queried where is that expression, " The 
 Lord hear thee in the day of trouble;" her mother repeated 
 the verse to her, which is the first of the 20th Psalm. " Yes," 
 said she, " but there is something more." The whole passage 
 was then repeated. " Send the help from, the Sanctuary, and 
 strengthen thee out of Zion; grant thee according to thine 
 own heart, and fulfil all thy counselP " Yes, yes," said 
 she, " that's it; Oh, merciful Goodness!" On getting a little 
 ease she quickly told us she was better, being always anxious 
 to say any thing calculated to relieve our minds, and sweetly 
 added; "what a favour this is." Upon asking whether her 
 mother was gone to bed, " my poor care-worn mother," said 
 she, " does she take nourishment; you should make her take as 
 much as possible, now she has so much to bear." Her amiable 
 affectionate solicitude for those she loved never seemed more 
 acute, and she often expressed her fears of our being overdone 
 by watching with her, frequently saying, " I am not worth 
 half the trouble you have with me." Hearing some noise in 
 the street, which we told her was owing to a ball being in the 
 neighbourhood, she remarked, " how giddy the world is, and 
 how serious every thing appears to one who is not likely to re- 
 cover;" then lying still awhile, she looked at me with inex- 
 pressible sweetness, and said, " Come, let us join with angels 
 round the throne!" 
 
 When she had been about a week ill, the doctor proposed 
 our calling in further medical advice; but feeling very delicate 
 of alarming her, though convinced that she was fully aware of 
 ber own situation, we avoided speaking of it until the second 
 physician was in the house. Her kind attendant then told her 
 
 that he had brought his friend Doctor to see her, not 
 
 because he thought her worse, but that it would be a satisfae- 
 
316 APPENDIX. 
 
 tion to him to have his own judgment confirmed. She calmly- 
 answered, " I have no objection, he may come in, (though I have 
 full confidence in thee,) but I cannot answer many questions. 
 Thou art trying to make me think I am not in a dangerous dis- 
 order, but I know I am, and you can do nothing for me. I do 
 not depend on physicians; thou need not be afraid to tell me." 
 When both the doctors had withdrawn she enquired of me, 
 " what do they say my complaint is?" I told her they called it 
 inflammatory rheumatism. " Ah," said she, " it is more than 
 that," and signified that she felt the disease very deeply seated. 
 Her mother saying that she hoped the means used for her help 
 would prove effectual; she sweetly answered, "but my dear 
 mother, if the means are not effectual, I want thee not to be 
 depressed; thou art too good, too good to us all. I cannot say- 
 that I have an evidence that it will be so, but the impression 
 that I shall not recover remains." Her mother answering that 
 she had heretofore been wonderfully sustained and brought 
 through severe sufferings, she replied, " The Lord is all good- 
 ness, all mercy, all mercy." She seemed religiously to comply 
 with every thing proposed for her benefit, though some very- 
 painful means were thought necessary. She usually suffered 
 much from the application of blisters, and had an uncommon 
 dread of them; so that when it was proposed to put a large one 
 to her neck, where the pain was very severe, she objected, and 
 seemed to think she could not bear it; yet after a few hours she 
 called me to her and said, " thou had better put on that blister; 
 if I grow worse I shall blame myself for refusing it." 
 
 Complaining that she felt very heavily loaded with illness, 
 yet could hardly tell where her pain was, she said, in a solemn 
 and impressive manner, " It is in seasons like this we find the 
 necessity of exerting all the little religion we may be favour- 
 ed with; every other support fails me now." The Scriptures 
 appeared to be mostly the subject of her meditations, and the 
 remembrance of them to contribute largely to her comfort. 
 " What a treat it will be to me," she would say, " when I 
 am able to hear thee read a chapter." At a time when her 
 bodily affliction seemed enough to absorb every other feeling, 
 she astonished me by querying, "Dost thou know who is the 
 
APPENDIX. 31/ 
 
 author of that observation respecting the sacred records, l They 
 have God for their author, Salvation for their end, and Truth, 
 without any mixture of error, for their matter V How just," 
 added she, "is the description!" At another time she ask- 
 ed, "Is it the Apostle James who says, 'we walk by faith, not 
 by sight.' " She would frequently observe, " what trouble and 
 care these bodies cost us ;" " Oh ! the encumbering flesh," &c 
 and repeatedly, when undergoing violent pain, which it was 
 often hard for those who loved her calmly to witness, she 
 would say, in an animated and heavenly tone of voice, " What 
 are these sufferings when compared to what the Saviour bore 
 for us. The sufferings of this present time are not worthy 
 to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed.' 97 
 Whenever a little respite from pain was afforded she would 
 mention it as a mercy, and say, " what a favour it was that she 
 had not such or such suffering to struggle with ;" or, " thank 
 gracious Providence, that pain is lessened." Want of sleep 
 was one distressing feature of the complaint throughout, but 
 she lay so still that we often thought her dozing, until she 
 would break forth in some sweet observation, tending to ma- 
 nifest how her mind had been occupied. On one of these occa- 
 sions she asked me if I remembered these four lines : 
 
 " We've no abiding city here, 
 
 "We seek a city out of sight \ 
 Zion its name — we'll soon be there; 
 
 It shines with everlasting light." 
 
 The fifth of the second month was a day of extreme suffer- 
 ing to my beloved sister, although when the physicians came 
 they pronounced her not worse, which she listened to with- 
 out making any remark ; but after passing a most distressing 
 
 night she said to me very composedly, " Surely Dr. is 
 
 too honest a man to tell you I am recovering ; I am not, nor 
 do I believe I ever shall ; I have never lost the belief that I 
 should not recover this illness. I dreamt last night that I saw 
 my precious father, and remembering that he was gone, I ask- 
 ed him if he was happy ? he answered me in the sweetest 
 manner by repeating that passage of scripture which he used 
 
318 APPENDIX. 
 
 to speak of on his death-bed, relative to the general assembly 
 and church of the first-born, adding, ' thou shalt be with me 
 in a short time ; only make thy peace with God, and he will 
 admit thee into his holy presence.' " She wept much while 
 relating this dream, and on my remarking that I trusted her 
 peace was not then to make, she said, " if I only had an evi- 
 dence, but I trust I shall at last." I reminded her of the manner 
 in which she had been favoured at the beginning of her illness, 
 when she had said she could rejoice in the prospect of being 
 taken away. " Yes/' she replied, "and I hope I can rejoice ; 
 I trust in my Saviour, I have many sins, and I pray they may 
 go before-hand to judgment." She then mentioned that her 
 nights were so trying as to make her dread their approach; 
 "yet," said she, " I enjoy sweet peace in the night. How do 
 the doctors account for my passing such uneasy nights, and 
 being unable to sleep ; but, (as if unconcerned about an an- 
 swer,) it is an unspeakable favour, that even when I am racked 
 with pain I feel such sweet peace as more than compensates 
 for all I suffer. Oh ! what condescension of a gracious Saviour 
 to a poor sinner ! this bed is not like a bed of sickness : I feel 
 holy joy." 
 
 In the afternoon being asked how she felt, she cheerfully 
 answered, " rather better thank Providence, it is a great mercy 
 that my head is not always so bad as it is sometimes." When 
 the doctor came in he queried whether the pain was more 
 bearable, to which she sweetly answered, " It ought always 
 to be bearable, but I think it is somewhat lessened." 
 
 Speaking to her mother of her illness, and its probable in- 
 crease and termination, she said, " If I grow worse my dear 
 mother do not get any other physicians ;" her mother replying 
 that she knew her confidence was not in man, but in the Lord ? 
 " Ah !" said she, "what poor creatures we should be but for 
 his help !" her mother observing, thou canst say with Job that 
 "painful nights and wearisome days are appointed thee," 
 "yes," she returned, " I suffer much, but what are mine when 
 compared with the sufferings of many others, and though my 
 nights are trying, there are times when my Saviour is near 
 me, I feel him near me !" Her mother again repeating the 
 
APPENDIX. 319 
 
 two first verses of the twentieth Psalm, added, my soul 
 craves that this may be thy experience, to which she so- 
 lemnly answered, " my dear mother, the effectual, fervent 
 prayer of the righteous availeth much, and if I have thy 
 prayers they will be such." After the doctor had paid his 
 visit at night, she said, " I pity that poor man when standing 
 by the bed ; he is very affectionate and wishes to help me 
 I believe, but it is out of his power, and I do not depend 
 upon them ; the opinion of any physician is not of the weight 
 of a pin with me. I know the Lord is able to do all things, 
 he can raise me up if he pleases, and he can grant me patience, 
 though I fear if it lasts much longer, (meaning her illness,) mine 
 will be worn out;" her mother saying thou art favoured with 
 patience, it is renewed to thee; " It is renewed" she emphati- 
 cally replied. On my begging her to try for rest, " ah ! my 
 dear !" said she, in her own placid manner, " I believe there 
 is not much rest for me on earth." As the night advanced her 
 pain and restlessness increased, and on my querying where 
 her uneasiness was, she replied, " my head is very bad, but it 
 is a mercy my senses are preserved, I think I have had a sight 
 of heaven." She then spoke of her death, and said, " tell my 
 dear brothers not to grieve like those who have no hope, I 
 trust we shall meet in another and a better world, take care of 
 our precious mother." Finding that this conversation affect- 
 ed my feelings, although natural emotion was generally sup- 
 pressed in her chamber, she sweetly said, ■" Is it not our 
 Saviour's language ? Daughters of Jerusalem weep not for 
 me ; but weep for yourselves and for your children : thou 
 art doing too much, heaven bless thee for all thy kindness to 
 me, but what should I do if thou wast sick ;" then correct- 
 ing what might seem like selfish consideration, she added, 
 " but it is more for thy own sake than mine I speak, do go to 
 bed, perhaps I may get a little sleep." This she often said 
 with a view of allaying our solicitude ; for notwithstanding 
 any little temporary amendment, from which those about her 
 were at times willing to cherish hope, her opinion that 
 she was in her death illness remained unshaken. And the 
 whole tenor of her conduct evinced, that she was patiently 
 waiting her Lord's time for an admittance into that mansion 
 
&20 APPENDIX, 
 
 of rest which she confidently, though humbly, believed was 
 prepared for her; and it was indeed an unspeakable favour con- 
 sidering the pain of body she endured, that she was spared 
 those mental conflicts, which many experienced christians have 
 been tried with. Her prospect of a glorious fruition appeared 
 to be unclouded. Whenever she mentioned any thing that 
 she wished done, or spoke of any little alteration, it was with 
 this provision, " please Providence my life is spared, I hope to 
 be moved into the other bed to-morrow, &c." One night she 
 enquired whether she was to take medicine, or have any thing 
 done for her, I replied no, that she had nothing to do but to 
 try for sleep. " Only," she returned with great sweetness, 
 " to pray for patience." 
 
 At one time she suffered much from the use of a painful pre- 
 scription, which seemed almost too much for her exhausted 
 state, and she frequently exclaimed, "mercy! mercy!" When 
 somewhat relieved she called me to her, and said with much 
 tenderness, " I was very unguarded awhile ago, I was impa- 
 tient." I replied that we had not observed it, but thought 
 she was much favoured with patience. " / felt it" said she, 
 with emphasis, " I was unwatchful." 
 
 Thus was the " swift witness" attended to by this happily- 
 instructed spirit, and no allowance made for emotions which 
 perhaps few would deem culpable under such distress as was 
 allotted her. Her nurse once mentioning how hard it was to 
 bear such agony, and that it would have been better never to 
 have been born, " Oh do not speak so," said she with earnest- 
 ness, " it is good for us to suffer." 
 
 Second month, 17th. For some days past the increased ill- 
 ness of my precious sister rendered her unable to speak much, 
 but the little she did utter clearly evinced that the Lord still 
 sustained her in holy confidence amidst the storms and tem- 
 pests of a peculiarly trying season. Many times, when a sen- 
 tence could hardly be connected, the language of supplication 
 was heard, and her patient acquiescence with the divine will 
 manifested in words like these, " Oh Lord look down upon 
 thy poor child, heavenly Father! not my will but thine be 
 done," &c. &c. 
 
APPENDIX. 321 
 
 Eighteenth. Her weakness and debility this morning seem- 
 ed greater than at any time before, so that she was scarcely 
 able to articulate; yet on being asked whether she had got any 
 sleep, she answered, "very disturbed sleep, but it was a sweet 
 peaceful night." Her bodily sufferings throughout the day 
 were extreme, and she appeared to think herself hastening to 
 the close; once on calling me to her she said, "Pray, pray, 
 pray," and soon after, " this is an awful day, preparation for a 
 final change." Her mother saying that she did believe her 
 soul was anchored on the Rock of Ages, and that the Lord was 
 her Father and Helper, she said in an animated manner, 
 ? <Come then holy Father! Lord preserve me, Oh the encum- 
 bering flesh." 
 
 Nineteenth. About five o'clock this morning her sufferings 
 of body were such as nearly to overcome her, and desiring I 
 might be called to her, she described her sensations as pecu- 
 liarly distressing. On finding that I was greatly afflicted at 
 being unable to relieve her, the different means prescribed 
 proving ineffectual, she affectionately held my hand, and said 
 with sweet composure, " be content, whatever way I am taken, 
 be content, the Lord is near me. He is near me, my God and 
 Saviour!" Soon after, while under great conflict, she raised her 
 eyes, and awfully exclaimed, "My blessed Redeemer!" Her 
 brother coming into the room she spoke very tenderly to him, 
 saying that it was a mercy they were permitted to hear each 
 other's voices again, (for the room was necessarily kept so 
 dark that he could not see her,) and in strong terms expressed 
 her love for him. After he left the chamber she called me to 
 her and said, " It is surprising how my affections are loosened 
 from every earthly object; I seem weaning from all of you, 
 and oh that God may be all in all to all of us. Every tie 
 seems fast loosening, if I am taken this will be a mitigation of 
 my sufferings, but perhaps when the time comes it may feel 
 harder." I remarked that every thing had been made easy to 
 her during her illness. " Oh yes," she emphatically answered, 
 " from the very first, I sometimes forget that I am on a sick 
 bed; the serenity I feel is so great that at times I fear it is car- 
 nal security, and think it is presumptuous in so poor a worm 
 41 
 
323 APPENDIX, 
 
 to trust as I do, but no! He cannot deceive me, none ever 
 trusted in the Lord and was confounded." She often said she 
 was not half thankful enough for the blessings she enjoyed, so 
 superior to what many poor creatures under bodily suffering 
 are favoured with. In the night while her pains were very 
 acute, she repeated the following lines of a favourite hymn. 
 
 Hide me, oh my Saviour hide! 
 
 Till the storm of life be past, 
 Safe into the haven guide, 
 
 Oh receive my soul at last! 
 
 "Ah that is it," said she, "if # I be but safely landed." In 
 the intervals of pain she prayed in these words, "Oh my God! 
 help thy creature who depends on thee." Turning to her mo- 
 ther, she said, " when thou hast access pray for me. I have 
 often thought my dear mother that I could not bear to see thee 
 go, that I could not bear to stay behind thee, and now it looks 
 as though I should be spared that trial." At another time, 
 when speaking to her mother respecting the nature of her dis- 
 order, she signified how unimportant it was what name it might 
 be called, adding, " we must all have something to bring us to 
 our end ;" and then turning to the subject which appeared to 
 her the only one worthy of attention, she spoke of her strong 
 confidence in the mercy of a Redeemer, and said that her hopes 
 of salvation were grounded on that alone, observing, " Oh my 
 dear mother what could works do for me now?" Her mother 
 replied, " nothing my precious child, all we have to trust to is 
 the mercy of God in Christ Jesus." 
 
 On the night of the 21st she was affected with something of 
 a spasm, which we were apprehensive might prove the last 
 struggle, and she seemed herself to have a similar idea, for 
 clasping her hands and raising her eyes, she solemnly said, 
 "Now Lord for an evidence!" and presently after, "yes, yes; 
 peace, peace, peace." When a little recovered she observed, 
 alluding-.to the Pilgrim's Progress, (which she had read through 
 a short time before her illness,) " poor Christian said, though I 
 walk through the valley and shadow of death I will fear no 
 t^il, for thy rod and thy staff they comfort me;" then with a 
 
APPENDIX. 323 
 
 more cheerful voice, poor Feebleminded too got oyer the river, 
 and so may I" 
 
 She lay during the whole of the 22d in a state of great suf- 
 fering, being generally unable to say more than yes or no, and 
 even that effort frequently produced distressing symptoms, 
 About eleven o'clock at night we were surprised by her re- 
 viving so as to call us all by name. Finding that only her 
 mother and sisters were in the room, she asked for her brother, 
 who quickly came in, and we all sat round the bed; when to 
 our admiration she was strengthened to approach the throne of 
 her heavenly Father in the language of solemn supplication, 
 praying for us individually, and commending in a strain of 
 christian confidence yet deep humility, all and each of her near 
 connections to his protecting care: and then for herself. "Oh 
 gracious Lord and Saviour, if I do not weary thy throne with 
 petitions look down upon thy poor dying sinner, favour her 
 with an evidence that she shall be received up into glory; but 
 thou hast already my God and Saviour nearly done so. Oh! 
 accept my humble thanks for thy preserving care throughout 
 my life, and for the last five weeks that thou hast been near me 
 and supported me. Thou hast answez-ed my petitions. Oh my 
 Saviour! posture is nothing, thou hearest prayer!" She then 
 sent messages to her absent brothers, and sweetly addressed 
 her sisters in the language of serious advice, concluding with, 
 " comfort our dear tried mother, console, and support her." 
 Observing that some of us were affected, and indeed it would 
 have been hard to restrain the tide of feeling on such an occa- 
 sion. " Suppress nature," said she very forcibly, " I endeavour 
 to do so." After we had all remained some time silent, she 
 enquired, " who are here?" Her mother answered, " none but 
 thy poor mother, thy sisters, and brother, and the Shepherd of 
 Israel;" " He is here" she replied, " He is near me." After 
 a while she addressed her nurse in an affectionate and grateful 
 manner, and added, " I am dying, and it is a very awful thing 
 lo die. Oh be circumspect, we must all die, but the presence 
 of the Lord supports me, his presence is near me." Then dis- 
 missing the servant, she said, " Give my love to Doctor , 
 
 tell him I am much obliged to him for his kind attention, but 
 
'&%k APPENDIX. 
 
 that the knowledge of this world gendereth to bondage. I am. 
 afraid he is too fond of vain philosophy to think enough of re- 
 ligion." She next gave me a message to a relation at a distance, 
 comprising much important counsel in a few words, and men- 
 tioning the attendance of places of amusement, she said in a 
 plaintive and lamenting tone, " Oh it is a pity, a great pity, a 
 sin, and waste of time." After lying still a few minutes she 
 broke forth thus — " What is life! a bubble; five and twenty 
 years and a little more, and all is over; but I am taken in great 
 mercy, oh ! in great mercy I do believe from the evil to come. 
 The grass withereth, the flower fadeth, but the word of our 
 God shall stand for ever!" Remaining awhile quiet she said, 
 "I hope I have not said more than was given me," .her mother 
 telling her that she need not fear, as it was evident her lips had 
 been touched with a live coal from the holy altar; " It is the 
 Lord's doings," she replied, " it is His doings, oh what mercy! 
 He hears and answers prayer!" 
 
 It is worthy of remark, and proved an undoubted evidence 
 of her having been strengthened for the occasion, that although 
 my beloved sister had spoken so much more during this so- 
 lemnly interesting scene, (which lasted for about two hours,) 
 than at any time of her illness, yet she did not seem at all ex- 
 hausted by it, nor to suffer afterwards from such great exertion 
 of voice: for notwithstanding her weakness was such that we 
 generally had to lean over her in order to gather what she said, 
 she spoke while thus engaged in so clear and distinct a man- 
 ner that she could be heard in any part of the room. 
 
 For about two weeks after this memorable period her debili- 
 ty was such that she could seldom bear to be touched, or have 
 any one very near the bed, and usually made signs for what 
 she wished done, the distressing sickness at her stomach ren- 
 dering it hard to her to speak a word. Yet ejaculations were 
 sometimes heard which manifested that her mind was still kept 
 in confidence, and her faith in the sufficiency of her Almighty 
 Helper preserved unshaken. One evening during this sore 
 conflict, after her mother had supplicated at her bed side, and 
 was engaged to petition that the Lord might preserve her 
 amidst all the suffering he saw meet to dispense, in steady re- 
 
APPENDIX. 325 
 
 liance upon himself, and grant that patience might have its per- 
 fect work, &c. &c. "Amen! Amen!" said she with uncommon 
 energy and sweetness, and then made this appeal; "Thou 
 hast told me that mine eyes shall see thy salvation. Thou 
 hast told me so in the secret of my heart; only Lord keep in 
 the patience, until it is thy good pleasure to set the spirit free. 
 * I am afraid the spirit is too anxious to get free.' " During 
 exquisite distress of body the following aspirations were dis- 
 tinctly heard, though uttered in a weak and broken voice. 
 *' Gracious Father, remember I am but dust! Oh, my Saviour, 
 look down with compassion upon thy poor sufferer, take her 
 this night if it be thy good pleasure; yet not my will but thine 
 be done!" 
 
 Speaking one time of the dying expressions of dear Sarah 
 Grubb, she seemed comforted by her mother's repeating that part 
 relative to the grain of faith being mercifully vouchsafed, amidst 
 deep conflict of flesh and spirit, &c. and afterwards mentioned 
 the account of a young woman who had made a very happy 
 end, saying, " How apt we are when in health to sea", over re- 
 cords of this kind, without considering their value and impor- 
 tance, though they are calculated to do much good." She several 
 times mentioned dear Deborah Darby, (of whose death we did 
 not inform her, though it occurred during her illness,) saying, 
 she had dreamt of her, and often remembered her and her com- 
 panion's sweet visits to our family when last in Ireland; re- 
 marking what a favour it was to be noticed by the messengers 
 and servants of the Most High; but that His visits to the soul 
 were beyond all. She sent a message to a beloved and intimate 
 young friend on the subject of reading, which at that awful pe- 
 riod she saw required great caution, and lamented that much 
 precious time was often wasted in perusing works of imagina= 
 tion. " Tell her," said she, " to read the Holy Scriptures," 
 intimating that the more she did so, the less she would feel dis- 
 posed for perusing books of an unprofitable tendency. 
 
 About a week before her death, she said, one evening while 
 in great pain, " I pray that the Lord may terminate my suffer- 
 ings before my patience is exhausted, and I believe and trust 
 he will." On my querying where her pain was, and expressing 
 
326 APPENDIX. 
 
 surprise at her having such constant uneasiness; " Oh death, 
 death!" she calmly replied, " in how many forms does death 
 approach, it is hard work to die." She once or twice asked 
 her mother, " dost thou think it can be long," meaning her 
 continuance in suffering. At a time when we thought she 
 scarcely noticed any sound, she remarked the death-bell tolling, 
 and said, in an animated manner, " some one escaped from life, 
 a spirit released." 
 
 Third month, 14th. Her sufferings and consequent debility 
 were very distressing, so that we were often apprehensive she 
 had really ceased to breathe; yet on a little revival, it was evi- 
 dent that her faith and patience continued in lively exercise. 
 She said with great sweetness and composure, " how pleasant 
 it will be to get home after all these conflicts into the arms of 
 Jesus! how trifling they will then appear, though so hard to 
 poor mortality, but the Lord is near; oh what an eminent 
 favour, what an unspeakable mercy that he is so near: from the 
 very first he has seemed to overshadow me, all my impatience 
 he passes by and forgives, he remembers that I am but dust, he 
 smiles, he comforts, he cherishes me." I remarked that her 
 bodily sufferings had been very great almost throughout. 
 " Yes," she answered, " In the beginning I had great conflict, 
 and felt my pain very trying, but at length I got to resignation, 
 and by prayer could say, Thy will be done; and now I have 
 desired that when I am taken it may be in a calm and tranquil 
 moment, that the pangs may not be such as to preclude the 
 possibility of my nearest connections being around me, but the 
 Lord's blessed will be done. He is all goodness to me, and 
 will relieve me in his own good time." 
 
 For the last two days of her life she spoke but seldom, and 
 that with difficulty, apparently owing to the oppression and 
 hurry of breathing; which were such, that except when some 
 one fanned her, she dared not venture to doze, feeling, as she 
 herself expressed it, that without that artificial air she could 
 not breathe at all. 
 
 On first day evening she had a little of that rambling which 
 results from extreme weakness, and did not seem fully to know 
 those about her; but this quite subsided, and she was next morn- 
 
 APR1919RI 
 
APPENDIX. 327 
 
 ing perfectly clear, yet did not say much, being mostly in great 
 pain and suffering, more so under the approaches of dissolution 
 than we thought could be the case, considering her exhausted 
 state. But about four hours previously to her release, as if per- 
 mitted to show us that the bias of her mind remained firm even 
 at that awful moment, she said, with strength and clearness, 
 " thank merciful Goodness, that pain is better." She appeared 
 once or twice after this to be engaged in prayer, but the words 
 could not be understood: and so peaceful was her close, that 
 those around her knew not the precise moment when she en- 
 tered her everlasting rest; though her nearest connections were 
 witnesses of the solemn, and to them deeply afflictive scene, 
 about half-past eight o'clock on second day .evening, 19th of 
 3d month, being exactly nine weeks from her first seizure. 
 The desire of her soul was thus remarkably granted, and the 
 last enemy disarmed of his sting. May she, " being dead," 
 yet speak with availing emphasis the awfully instructive lan- 
 guage, " Be ye also ready." 
 
 aKERRETT — -LOCUST STREET. 
 PHILADELPHIA. 
 

 
 
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