%^;^;4V^;^- ^^§m- /Owi^ J ROGUES ^ COMEDY Rr^/^lQ • • • BY • • • ^3f HENRY % / ARTHUR 1 \m JONES A Library of Congress. UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Chap. OrtP^ '' '15 Shelf 7.£f| 8 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY f^y^ (150 copies only of this edition were printed November, 1808) THE ROGUE'S COMEDY A PLAY IN THREE ACTS BY HENRY ARTHUR JONES AUTHOR OF THE TEMPTER,' 'THE CRUSADERS,' 'THE CASE OF REBELLIOUS SUSAN, 'the MASQUERADERS,' 'JUDAH,' 'the MIDDLEMAN,' ' THE TRIUMPH OF THE PHILISTINES,' THE DANCING GIRL,' ' MICHAEL AND HIS LOST ANGEL,' 'THE PHYSICIAN,' 'the LIARS,' 'the goal,' 'tHE MANOEUVRES OF. JANE,' ETC. THE MACMILLAN COMPANY LONDON: MACMILLAN & CO., Ltd. 1898 All rights reserved o-o Copyright, 1898 By the MACMILLAN COMPANY sfHownt VXnnsnnt Trfnters J. Horace McFarland Company Harrisburg, Pa. Produced by Mr. E. S. Willard at the Garrick Theatre, London, on 21st April, 1896. PERSONS REPRESENTED Mr. Bailey Prothero. Mr. Lambert. Sir Thomas Dovergreen. Lord John Bucklow. The Marquis of Bicester. Sir William Clarabut. Mr. Robert Gushing. Mr. Reffell. Mr. Sydenham. Mr. Hubbock. Mr. Chester. Mr. Pinniger. Palmer. First Footman. Second Footman. Servant at Lady Dovergreen's. Miss Jenison, Companion to Lady Dovergreen. Lady Clarabut. Nina Clarabut. Lady Dovergreen. Mrs. Reffell. Miss Prove. Mrs. Sydenham. Guests. (v) ACT I Boudoir at Lady Dovergreen's. ( Three months pass. ) ACT II Mr. Bailey Prothero's Chambers, Audley Man- sions, Mount Street, Grosvenor Square. {Si:x: months pass.) ACT III Reception-Rooms at 56 Park Lane. The whole of the action of the play takes place in London at the present time. (vii) The following is a copy of the first play-bill of ''The Rogue's Comedy.'' Garrick Theatre. Season under the manage- ment of Mr. E. S. Willard. On Tuesday, 21st April, and every evening at 8, THE ROGUE'S COMEDY A PLAY, IN THREE ACTS By HENRY ARTHUR JONES Author of ' The Tempter,'' ' The Crusaders,' • The Case of Rebellious Susan,' ' The Masqueraders,' ^ yiidah,' ' The Middleman,'' ' The Triumph of the Philistines,' ' The Dancing Girl,' 'Michael and his Lost Angel,' etc. PERSONS REPRESENTED. Mr. Bailey Prothero Mr. Willard. Miss Jenison (Companion to Lady Dovergreen ) Miss Olliffe. Mr. Lambert Mr. W. T. Lovell. Sir William Clarabut .... Mr. Cecil Crofton. Lady Clarabut (Lady Dover- green's Sister) Lady Monckton. Nina Clarabut Miss Cora Poole. Lady Dovergreen Miss Robertha Erskine. Sir Thomas Dovergreen (her Son) Mr. Sydney Brough. Lord John Bucklow Mr. David James. The Marquis of Bicester. . . Mr. George Canninge. Mr. Sydenham Mr. J. R. Crauford. Mrs. Sydenham Mrs. H. Cane. Mr. Reffell Mr. A. B. Tapping. Mrs. Reffell Miss Keith Wakeman. (viii) THE ROGUE'S COMEDY Miss Prove Miss Ellen Meyrick. Mr. HuBBOCK Mr. George Willoughby, Mr. Chester Mr. Webber. Mr. Pinniger Mr. W. Levy. Mr. Robert Gushing Mr. Herbert Standing. Palmer Mr. Hamilton Knight. First Footman Mr. Albert Sims. Second Footman Mr. L. Wenman. Servant at Lady Dover- green's Mr. G. James. Gtiests. ACT I Boudoir at Lady Dovergreen's ( Three months pass.) ACT II Mr. Bailey Prothero's Chambers, Audley Man- sions, Mount Street, Grosvenor Square. {Six months pass.) ACT III Reception-Rooms at 56 Park Lane. The whole of the action of the play takes place in London at the present day. There will be intervals of twelve minutes between Acts I. and II. and fifteen minutes between Acts II. and III. Matinee of "The Rogue's Comedy," Saturday next at 2.30. (ix) ACT I Scene — Boudoir at Lady Dovergreen's, a hand- somely furnished room in a house at Kensing- ton. A large door, l., stajids open, and shows large drawi/ig-room ; small door down stage, r. , open- ing into Lady Dovergreen's apartments. Discover Lady Dovergreen, a comfortable, gouty old lady, with feet laid up on couch and propped with pillows ; Lady Clarabut, her sister, a bright lady about fifty ; Mrs. Sydenham. A servant handing around coffee. Lady D. I don't profess to understand how Mr. Prothero does it — I only know the first time I saw him he told me everything that had hap- pened in my past life. Lady C. I wonder, Caroline, that you per- mitted it. And I wonder you permit Tommy to make a friend of the man and bring him here to dinner. 2 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i Lady D. But he has given Tommy what is called a tip about a gold mine, and Tommy has made five hundred pounds. Lady C. A sprat to catch a mackerel. De- pend upon it, he'll lose five thousand before this Mr. Bailey Prothero has done with him ! Lady D. Oh, no ; Tommy is really a very sharp, clever boy. Lady C. I had never suspected it. Tommy gave me a tip at Newmarket, and another last winter at Monte Carlo. Lady D. Well? What happened? Lady C. I became convinced of the pro- found immorality of racing and all kinds of gambling. And I very much lowered my opin- ion of Tommy's judgment, and my own. Lady D. You don't understand Tommy's character. Lady C. No, it always takes a mother to understand a boy's character. But Sir William is his trustee, and we understand enough to know that if we let this Mr. Bailey Prothero get hold of Tommy's money, we shall be blamed for not stopping the intimacy. (Miss Jenison appeals at drawing-room door ; a striking woman of an uncertain age, pale face, keen searching eyes, soft, agreeable manner. She listens intently, but furtively, to the coftversation.^ ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 3 Lady C. (Jo Mrs. Sydenham). Don't you think I'm right, Mrs. Sydenham ? Mrs. Syd. I must own Mr. Prothero thor- oughly astonished me when I gave him a sitting at his rooms in Bond street the other day. Lady C. How ? Mrs. Syd. He told me all the particulars of my family history. How unhappy I am in my married life — how constantly my husband neglects and misunderstands me, and about the death of my favourite poodle six years ago. He was so sympathetic. Lady C. How much did he charge ? Mrs. Syd. His usual fee — a guinea. Lady C. Why didn't you come to me ? I'd have told it you all for nothing, and been equally sympathetic — especially about the poodle. What do you think of this Bailey Prothero craze, Miss Jenison ? Miss J. Sometimes I think like you, Lady Clarabut, that the man must have some clever confederates, who furnish him with particulars. Lady D. Confederates? Who? Miss J. Ah, that's it. But then again, that's impossible Lady C. Why ? Miss J. He knew, or seemed to know, so much of my past life. Lady C. What in particular? 4 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i Miss J. Amongst other things, how I met Lady Dovergreen at the hotel in Brighton last year, how Mrs. Murchison, my previous em- ployer, had just gone to California, how Lady Dovergreen was taken ill, and how I looked after her and became her companion. And about the delay in my references from California. He knew the whole story, and yet — altogether I'm a little inclined to suspect him, aren't you ? Lady C. Very much ! Lady D. My dear Margaret, why ? Mr. Prothero not only knows all about the past, but he can actually foretell the future. What do you say to that ? Lady C. I should say he'll come to grief — like Old Moore and Zadkiel. The past is such safe ground. If you love him, beg him to stick to the past. So many prophets have lost their reputations by dabbling in the future. E?iterj L., Mrs. Reffell, a fashionably -dressed wo7nan about thirty, Miss Prove, a maiden lady about forty-five, and Nina Clarabut, about twenty. Mrs. Reff. Still talking of this wonderful man ? Lady C. Have you consulted him yet ? Miss P. No, but we wish to. I was once ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 5 placed in a fearfully compromising situation with regard to a very illustrious personage — a German prince, in fact. Now if Mr. Prothero knows anything about that Mrs. Reff. I should like to know where my husband dined the two nights last week he didn't dine at home. Lady C. At his club, my dear. Mrs. Reff. Yes, that's what he said. But I shall ask Mr. Prothero. Lady C. Depend upon it, my dear, your husband knows far better where he dined than Mr. Prothero. I should take my husband's word for it. Miss J. {to Miss Prove). How very em- barrassing that affair of yours with the prince ! Miss P. Oh, it was too dreadful ! Miss J. You did begin to tell me about it {They talk apart.) Lady D. And what would you like Mr. Prothero to tell you, Nina ? Nina. Nothing. Mr. Lambert doesn't be- lieve in him. Lady C. Caroline, you have this Mr. Lam- bert here again this evening ? Lady D. Yes ; he's an agreeable young fel- low, and we are much indebted to him. Lady C. Over your lawsuit. What do you know of him ? 6 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i Lady D. Nothing except that he was en- gaged as junior in our case. Sir Edward Skennelsby was suddenly taken ill, and Mr. Lambert got a verdict for us and big damages. Sir Edward says he's the most surprising youngster he ever met. Lady C. Yes, but who is he ? Where does he come from ? Lady D. Ask Miss Jenison. I believe it was she who got Sir Edward to take an inter- est in him. Miss J. I know very little about him. He was brought up by his aunt, an old school- friend of mine. Nina. Sir Edward says he's certain to take a very fine position some day. Lady C. Oh, I'm sure he'll reach the wool- sack. But meantime I should like to know a little more about him. Nina. Mamma, he's coming. Enter, l., George Lambert, a handsome young fellow, followed by Sir William Clarabut, a co7?ifortable-looki7ig man of sixty. Sir W. Upon my word it's really wonder- ful George. So is the three-card trick, till you know how it's done. Then, there's nothing in it. ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 7 Sir W. But I say, Caroline {to Lady Dover- green), he's not exactly the sort of man one asks to dinner, is he? Lady D. It was Tommy who asked him ; in fact, insisted upon bringing him. {A burst of laughter from drawing-room.^ Lady C. What is he doing now ? George. Describing to Lord Johnny all the most scandalous details of his past life. Sir W. Johnny is delighted to find himself a far greater dawg than he remembered. Lady C. I cannot hope that my experiences will prove so interesting or so varied as Lord Johnny's, so I shall have to be satisfied if Mr. Prothero will furnish me with a few quite commonplace details of my past history — such as Lady D. Such as what ? Lady C. Will you close the door for a moment, Miss Jenison ? (Miss Jenison closes door.) Lady C. Well, let him tell me the name of the man I first danced with Miss P. Who was he? Lady C. Captain Capenhurst, at Edin- burgh. Secondly, the age and the place at which I had the measles. Mrs. Reff. When was that ? 8 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i Lady C. At Cheltenham, when I was seven. Thirdly, what was I doing at ten o'clock last Saturday evening. Miss P. What were you doing at ten o'clock last Saturday evening? Lady C. I really forget. Oh, yes ! I had a cold and went early to bed, and at ten I was sipping a little hot whiskey and water. (A chorus of bravos from the next room. ) Lady D. Shall we join them in the next room? {Moving.) Miss J. Let me take your cushions in, Lady Dovergreen (^taking up cushions and assist- ing Lady Dovergreen), and make you com- fortable ; then, if you don't mind, I'll go and see that your room is ready for the night. (^Exeunt Sir William, Lady Clarabut, Mrs. Sydenham, Miss Prove, and Mrs. Reffell into the other drawing- room.) Lady D. Won't you wait and see how Mr. Prothero succeeds ? Miss J. I've a headache, and I really take very little interest in the man. I'm afraid — I'm afraid he's a little bit of a rascal. (^Exeunt Lady D. and Miss Jenison, l.) Nina. Aren't you coming into the drawing- room, Mr. Lambert ? George. To watch this mountebank ? I've ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 9 already heard one poor begger sentenced to seven years for swindling Nina. Aren't you a little hard? George. On swindlers ? I'm afraid I am. But I hope you don't think there is no tender- ness or romance in my nature? Nina. Lawyers aren't very romantic, are they? George. They are like other people, like clergymen, like butchers : their natures are quite independent of their profession. It's curious how little a man's creed, or his trade, alters either his character, or his nature, or his features. The other day I saw a grocer at his shop door — his face was exactly like the late Lord Chancellor's. Nina. What will your face be like when you are Lord Chancellor ? George. Miss Clarabut, 3^ou mustn't start me dreaming ; I have no fortune, no influence, no name. I'm not likely to be Lord Chan- cellor. But I may possibly be a fairly suc- cessful lawyer. My only dread is that success may come too late. Nina. Too late for what? George. Too late to give me the prize I am dreaming of. Nina. I don't understand you. George. I think you do, but it's right you 10 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i should say you don't. There is one very great prize that I dream of, and long to possess. If you were to tell me there is absolutely no hope of my winning that prize Nina. What then? George. I should go down to the courts to-morrow morning with a pound of lead here instead of a heart. Nina. Then you'd lose your case. George. I hope not. I should pluck up, and fight hard, and try to face my life. Nina. Mr. Lambert, I mustn't encourage you in dreaming, because its a very foolish habit for a lawyer. But if George. If what? If you could give me that prize as easily as you could give me that flower, would you ? Nina. Certainly not. {^Throws the flower at him.) Lady Clarabut ejiters, l., to see her action. George. Miss Clarabut ! {Picks up the flower i sees Lady Clarabut, stands embarrassed.) Lady C. Nina, this Mr. Prothero is doing some wonderful things in the next room. I'd think you'd be interested. Nina. Yes, mamma. {Exit, l.) ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 11 Lady C. My daughter dropped that flower, did she not ? It was kind of you to pick it up. Will you give it to me ? {He gives her the flower.^ Thank you. George. I beg your pardon, Lady Clarabut. Lady C. What for ? George. I was betrayed into — into seeking a kind of understanding with Miss Clarabut. Lady C. That wasn't quite nice of you, Mr. Lambert, was it ? George. I know. I ought to have asked you and Sir William first. Lady C. It would have been quite useless. George. Quite useless. Lady Clarabut ? Lady C. Quite. You are a very promising young man, but it might be many years before you could give my daughter the position and income she has a right to look for. I don't wish Nina to marry a great fortune, but she must have a comfortable certainty. George. But I could offer her that in a few years. I would work so hard ! Lady Clarabut, I love her so much, and I think she cares for me. You wouldn't stand in the way of her life's happiness ? Lady C. How earnest you are ! Oh, what a tragedy love is at twenty-five ! What a farce at fifty ! What's your income this year ? George. This year, five hundred pounds. 12 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i But give me a hope of winning her, and in three or four years it shall be five thousand. Lady C. {laughs good-htwwuredly). Oh, my dear Mr. Lambert ! George. What are you laughing at ? Lady C. You are so amusing ! I had one lover who threatened to shoot himself if I didn't marry him. I had another who had delirium tremens, and laid it all to the intoxi- cation of my eyes. But I never, no I never, had the luck to meet a man who was prepared to raise his income ten times over, and lay it all at my feet. Oh, if I had met that man ! George {gallantly^. You would if I'd been born twenty years earlier ! But as that is im- possible, you oughtn't to deny me the next best thing, that of laying my heart and income at the feet of your daughter. Lady C. {struck). Sir Edward Skennelsby is right. You'll make a successful pleader. But there is another point. You'll forgive my asking — I don't know your people George. I've never seen my father and mother to my recollection. My aunt brought me up and educated me. Lady C. But you surely asked about your father and mother ? George. Yes, many times, but she never would tell me. ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 13 Lady C. That's very strange. What reason could she have for withholding information about your parents ? George. Lady Clarabut, I'll tell you the truth. She did not tell me because there was something very painful connected with them. Lady C. Of what nature ? George. I don't know. Sometimes she used the word painful — sometimes disgrace- ful. Lady C. My poor fellow — this is a worse difficulty than the other. You must see I couldn't allow Nina to marry you after what you have told me. How can one tell that something may not turn up at any moment and connect you with — forgive my using the word — with something disgraceful? George. Then it's quite hopeless ? Lady C. Quite. Unless you can find out what that secret was, and can absolutely assure me that it is buried for ever. (^He sighs and looks very dejected.^ Come! Come! Don't give way ! Take an interest in something else. George. I can't ! In what ? Lady C. In anything. Try and find out the secret of this Bailey Prothero's success. I know you think him a swindler ; so do I. It would be a splendid thing for a rising young barrister like you to expose him. I don't like 14 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i the influence he has gained over my nephew. So I'll help you. What do you say ? George. Yes, if you like — anything 3'ou like. Lady C. Then it's a bargain. You shall turn his swindle inside out, and forget all about Nina. Enter Miss Jenison, l. Lady C. Now — where is this marvellous gentleman ? Miss J. He's still very busy, Lady Clarabut. Lady C. But I'm getting impatient — I want him to tell me everything that has hap- pened in my past life, and a good many things that haven't. (^Exit.) (Miss Jenison shows concern. George co?nes up to her.') George. Miss Jenison, I've often wished to thank you. Sir Edward Skennelsby tells me that it was owing to a kind word you said to him that he took an interest in me, and helped me to my first brief. Miss J. You are quite welcome George. Of course you knew my late aunt — I saw you there several times when I was a boy, but I really hadn't an idea that I had so good a friend in you. Miss J. Oh, Sir Edward was dining here ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 15 one night — I saw a chance of doing you a good turn — I hope you don't think there was any- thing unusual in it. George. It was unusually kind. Thank you very much. i^Goes to door, r., and opens it.') Miss J. Good-night. (^Offers hand.') George. Good-night. {Exit Miss Jenison, r.) Enter Mr. Bailey Prothero, about fifty-five, a quick, nervous, restless man, with strong fea- tures, hut shifty eyes, nervous, excitable move- ments. Lady Clarabut follows, as if pur- suing him. Prothero {waving her off). Oh no, no, no. Excuse me, Lady Clarabut. I cannot be rushed like this. I must have time. The intense exertion of summoning up the past is some- thing terrible ! Lady C. It must be ; but nothing, I should say, to summoning up the future ! Prothero. They are both alike to me ! Lady C. Perhaps. But I don't quite un- derstand — What is this inner vision that you speak of ? Prothero. If you had it. Lady Clarabut, you wouldn't ask. As you haven't got it, I can 16 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY ACT I no more explain it to you than I could explain to a person born blind what sight is. I pos- sess the gift or sense of clairvoyance or second sight, by which I see past or future events as clearly as if they were happening before my eyes. (George slightly shrugs his shoulders and smiles at Lady Clarabut. ) Prothero. You don't believe me, Mr. Lambert ? George. Oh, yes ! I've often met people possessing your gift. Only a month ago I saw a dear old gipsy lady sent to gaol for using it to enlighten servant girls as to their matrimo- nial destinies. Prothero. But she was an impostor ! George. Yes. Curious fact. In humble life they always are impostors. Enter ^ l., quickly, Sir Thomas Dovergreen, a smart young fellow, well dressed, with rather high, squeaky voice, and buoyant, confident manner. Tommy. Dear old boy, just one word. What about Koppiesfontein ? Prothero. Koppiesfontein ? ! Tommy. Old Sydenham has got hold of twenty thousand fully paid shares at five bob. ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 17 He's a little funky, and I think he'll let me stand in with him. Prothero. Wait a day or two, till I have considered. Tommy. I can't. You know what these things are. He ma}' get a cable from the mine at any moment. If it's all right up they go, sky high, and then old Syd won't part. What do you say ? Shall I have a flutter ? Prothero. One moment. (^Puis his hand over his eyes and remains as if buried in deep thought for some moments, then very oracularly.') Buy Koppiesfontein. Tommy. That's good enough for me. (^Goes off, comes back.) I say, don't give anybody else the tip. Prothero {shakes hands). I won't. Tommy. Thankee, dear old chap. (^Exit, l.) Lady C. And when are we to receive a little of your kind attention, Mr. Prothero ? Prothero. I am utterly prostrate for the moment. Can you let me have five minutes quite alone to collect myself ? I must warn 3'ou that I cannot always guarantee a result Lady C. No ? Well, perhaps that's wise. A judicious vagueness Prothero (^turns round on her with sudden ferocity that startles Lady Clarabut). I will beg you, madam, not to sneer at me in a 18 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i house where I am equally a guest with your- self ! I will beg you not to suggest that I am an impostor until you have proved me one. (^Opens the door, L.) Please to leave me alone. (^Very loftily.') When I am ready for you I will send for you ! Lady C. I beg your pardon. Prothero {loftily'). Say no more. In five minutes I shall be ready to answer any ques- tion you like to ask me. (^Exit Lady Clarabut. ) {^As Prothero turns he stands face to face with George.) Prothero {^advancing kindly to George). Pm afraid Pve not impressed you favourably {offering his hand), Mr. Lambert. George (^putting his hands behind his back). Oh, don't let that distress you, Mr. Prothero. Prothero. I can't help letting it distress me, Mr. Lambert. {Offering hand.) George. Pm very sorry, but {shrugging shoulder, refusing ha?id). {Exit, l.) (Prothero stands piqued and hurt for a few seconds, then pulls himself together, walks very gingerly to the door l. , lis- tens for some seconds, silently turns the key in the lock, is crossing to r., when Miss Jenison puts her head out of door R., and holds out envelope. ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 19 Prothero puts his finger on his lip and nods. They meet in the rniddle of the room. She gives him the envelope. He wrings her hand very cordially. All this scene in a quick, nervous whis- per.) Miss J. Here it is. Everything I could get out of them. Prothero. Thanks, old girl. I got on splendidly at dinner, didn't I ? By Jove, Liz- zie, I've had the devil's own luck lately! I've been right so often, and when I've been wrong it hasn't much mattered. I begin to think there must be something in it. Miss J. Ssh ! Take care ! I wish 3^ou'd give it up. Prothero. What for ? We can't live on your eighty pounds a year. It's a little risky, perhaps, but it's the best thing I've ever had my nose in. Fancy my dining with all these swells — including my own wife, the best-look- ing woman of the bunch ! (^Bowing politely to her.') I say, you're in clover here. Miss J. Yes; I'm very comfortable. Prothero. You ought to be, after my Cali- fornian references. I did lay it on thick. Miss J. You saw our boy ? Prothero. I saw him. I tried to make friends with him just now, but he cut me ; 20 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i wouldn't shake hands with me. Lizzie, he despises me. Miss J. He doesn't know you. Prothero. I rather think he does — too well. Miss J. Take care of Lady Clarabut. She means to expose you. Don't give her a chance. Prothero. Not me. Miss J. She's going to ask you three ques- tions — I've answered them there. {Pointing to envelope. ) Prothero. Rumbo. I say, Lizzie, how could I get hold of something about the Kop- piesfontein Mining Company ? Miss J. I don't know. Why? Prothero. I've told that young guffin to buy a heap of shares in it — I hope it'll turn out all right. Miss J. {points to envelope^. Take care of that — I think that's all you'll want to know. Oh — I smelt Miss Proye of brandy the other night — I fancy she drinks. Prothero. Oh, the little finger, eh ? Miss J. Take care of Lady Clarabut. {Exit, r. ) {Left to himself, Prothero hwriedly opens the letter Miss Jenison has given him, scans the contents.^ Prothero {reading"). Miss Proye, '* En- gaged at eighteen to an army man, who went ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 21 out to India and died. Railway journey — breakdown — German prince " — hum — (^puts letter i?i pocket, silently unlocks door l. , opens it, calls off.) I am now ready to give a seance to Miss Proye. Enter Miss Prove. Prothero. Come in, my dear madam. (^Shuts door after her. Genially.') Be seated. Miss P. And can you really tell all that has happened in my past life ? I don't believe you. Oh, I feel so nervous. Prothero. Place every confidence in me. Be seated. Now ask me any question you please, or, perhaps you would prefer me to tell you what passes across the field of my inner vision ? Miss P. Perhaps that would be better. Prothero. (^Places himself in aii attitude, shuts his eyes as if absorbed in deep thought. ) I see you in the flush of early womanhood, at the age of some seventeen or eighteen summers — perhaps nineteen. There is a soldier beside you, a gallant, manly form. Miss P. It's Jack ! Poor Jack ! Prothero. He looks into your eyes. You possess a deep, a strange fascination for him 22 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i Miss P. We were engaged. Prothero. I see a sadness creeping over both your faces. It seems like the shadow of a parting. Is it so ? Miss P. Yes — go on. Prothero. A parting — at — at — {plunging) Portsmouth. Miss P. No. Prothero. No ? Are you sure ? The town looks like Portsmouth. Miss P. No ; it was at Marseilles. Prothero. It is Marseilles. I see the French flags flying on all the ships in the harbour. It is Marseilles. His boat steams away, he waves an adieu — he's gone! I see him again. He is much tanned. Miss P. Yes; he went to India. Prothero. I don't know whether it's In- dia, or Africa, or Jamaica. But he is clearly tanned. That I'll swear to. Ah ! some great misfortune is threatening him. He is dead. Am I right, so far ? Miss P. Quite! He died in India! It's wonderful ! How did you know ? Prothero. It all passed across the field of my inner vision. Let me try again. (^Puts himself i?t an attitude, shuts his eyes.) It is winter. You are traveling — in a railway car- riage. There is a stranger in the carriage ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 23 with you — from his appearance 1 should judge him to be a German — a man of some rank. Miss P. It was Prince Oh ! what have I said ? Prothero. There is a kind of accident — you are slightly injured — you faint away— the Prince bears you in his arms across the snow to the village inn Miss P. Oh! please — stop — at least — don't go on. Prothero. He goes for the doctor — he waits upon you himself. The innkeeper insists upon addressing you as madam — it is most embarrassing for you both. Am I right? Miss P. Quite. It was a most extraordi- nary adventure. Prothero. Do you believe in my powers ? Miss P. I think you're too wonderful for words. {Gazing at him in wonderment.) Prothero. Thank you. I shall feel obliged if you will mention that to your friends. Miss P. I will! I will! {Going.) Prothero {very solemnly). One moment 1 Before you go Miss P. What?! Prothero {very seriously). May I speak one solemn word of warning as a friend — I should say as a physician. {She looks surprised.) I have detected 24 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i Miss P. {alarmed). What ? (Prothero, standings looks at her a few moments, and then makes an action of putting glass to lips. She shows great fright ; he repeats the actio?i.') Miss P. {much frightened). Oh! — It's only rarely — very rarely — only when I have neuralgia. Prothero {shakes his head). Don't have neuralgia ! Put the brake on, my dear lady — I beg you put the brake on — pull yourself up Miss P. I will! You won't mention this to any one ? Prothero. Rely on me. And if you should hear any doubts expressed about me, I may expect that you will defend me ? Miss P. Oh, I will, you may be sure. Thank you so much ! Prothero. Don't mention it. {Taking out a lot of cards.) You may find these useful to distribute amongst all your friends. My charge for an evening is ten guineas. Please remember that I cannot always guarantee a result. And above all — put the brake on — you are careering to destruction — put the brake on — take care of these {giving her the cards) — as a friend, I adjure you, put the brake on. ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 25 Miss P. Thank you so much. I shall recommend you everywhere. And if any one questions your powers, I shall tell them. Prothero. The simple truth ! {Opens the door.) Mrs. Reffell, in one minute! To Miss Prove as she passes out.) The simple truth to these ladies and gentlemen, if you please ! The simple truth is always enough for me. (^Bows her out, closes the door.) And a damned sight too much very often. ( Takes out letter^ hastily glances over it.) Mrs. Reffell — is very jealous — husband stockbroker — spends his evenings away from home — was away last Tuesday and Friday — h'm, h'm — h'm, h'm — a very easy case. Lady Clarabut — hum — dancing Edinburgh, Capenhurst — measles, Cheltenham — whiskey and water, last Satur- day night. (^Futs envelope in his pocket, opens door, calls out.) I am now ready to give a seance to Mrs. Reffell. Enter Mrs. Reffell ; Prothero goes to her with great sympathy. Prothero (^sytnpathetically). Be seated, madam. Be seated, my very dear madam. (^Stands and looks at her with very great sym- pathy.) Ah! (^Sighs.) Mrs. Reff. Why do you look at me like that? 26 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY ACT i Prothero. You are a misunderstood woman. You are a woman of heart, of feeling — a woman with a wealth of devotion and affection, and you are not valued at anything approaching your proper worth. Am I not right? Mrs. Reff. Go on. Prothero. I do not like to touch upon domestic matters Mrs. Refe. That is precisely what I wish to consult you upon. Prothero. Ah ! One moment ! One moment! I see you at home — in a room — your drawing-room, I presume ? Mrs. Reff. When is this ? Prothero. Quite recently. You are dressed for dinner — you expect your husband — you wait — he doesn't come — you grow im- patient — you ring — you ask for him. Am I right ? Mrs. Reff. No. I rang, but I didn't ask for him. Prothero. But you rang. I heard the bell ! And if you didn't ask for him, you were surely thinking about him, eh ! Mrs. Reff. Yes. Prothero. I knew it. You dine alone. You eat but little. You return to the draw- ing-room. You wait ! You wait ! The hours ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 27 pass in dreary silence. At last he comes — and then — you are silent no longer. It is the time and occasion for speech — at some length. Mrs. Reff. Don't you think I was justi- fied? Prothero. I agree with every word you said. Mrs. Reff. Now tell me where he was. Prothero. I would rather not. Let us turn to some happier hour, to some scene of your childhood Mrs. Reff. No, I don't wish to know anything about my childhood. I want to know Prothero. Where your husband dined last Tuesday and Friday. Mrs. Reff. Yes. Prothero. Frankly, I will not tell you. Mrs. Reff. Why not ? Prothero. I am not here to stir up domes- tic strife. My profession is a peaceful one. Mrs. Reff. Is it a question of money? — I'll give you twenty, fifty guineas. Prothero. If you were to offer me a hun- dred I could not tell you. Mrs. Reff. I don't believe you know. Prothero. You doubt my powers ? In this instance I am glad you do. But that being 28 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i the case, you will allow me to say our inter- view is at an end. (^Opens door, l. ) Lady Clarabut, please Enter Lady Clarabut, l. Mrs. Reff. No. Lady C. Well, have you been successful, Mr. Prothero. Prothero. Pm pleased to say I have not, Lady Clarabut. Lady C. How is that ? Prothero. I unfortunately happened to call up a few scenes of Mrs. Reffell's domes- tic life. I regret they were not pleasant. I wished to dismiss them. But she is not willing. I must really decline to pursue the matter further. Come to me some other day Mrs. Reff. No. I wish to know Lady C. What ? Mrs. Reff. Where my husband dined last Tuesday and Friday. Lady C. At his club, of course. Mrs. Reff. (^enraged'). That old fib again ! (7<7 Prothero.) Where did my husband dine last Tuesday and Friday ? Prothero. At his club, of course. Mrs. Reff. {niaddened^. Oh, I — I feel — I feel I could (^passitig ouf). ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 29 Prothero (as she goes by). Be calm, my dear lady ! Be calm ! {Closes door after her, turns to Lady Clarabut.) Now, Lady Clara- but, I am at your service ! Lady C. I should like my young friend, Mr. Lambert, to be present during my sitting. Prothero. Lambert ! Why ? Lady C. To assist me. Candidly, Mr. Pro- thero, while you confine yourself to fortune- telling I don't think you'll do much harm. But you've obtained a hold on my silly nephew, Sir Thomas Dovergreen. You're leading him into speculation Prothero. Pve put five hundred pounds into his pocket. Pm very sorry. Lady C. You're sorry? Prothero. Yes. I wish I had put it into my own. Lady C. That's your business. My hus- band is Sir Thomas's trustee, and I don't in- tend you shall ruin the boy. Prothero. And so you intend to ruin me ? Lady C. I mean to stop your flourishing business as prophet if I can. Prothero {insinuatingly). Only you don't feel quite sure of yourself. Lady C. Oh yes, I do. Prothero. Then why do you bring in a clever young lawyer to help you ? 30 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i Lady C. And if you feel quite sure of yourself, why do you object ? Prothero. Oh, my dear lady, I don't ob- ject — bring him in by all means — but Lady C. But? What? Prothero. I might call up a few rather delicate domestic episodes Lady C. Of what nature ? Prothero. Well — you are not quite un- derstood at home — not quite, quite appre- ciated, eh ? Lady C. {shakes her head at him, smiling). Oh yes, I am ! Prothero {same business at her). Oh no, you're not ! Lady C. Oh yes, I am Prothero. Oh no, you're not Lady C. Won't you allow me to know what happens in my own home ? Prothero. No. That is what I am here to tell you. You are a woman of heart, a woman of feeling. Do you mean to tell me, Lady Clarabut, that you are valued at your proper worth ? Lady C. No, my dear man, I don't — Pm not valued at one hundredth part of my proper worth, and I don't know any woman who is. But in the eternal mismanagement, misgovern- ment, and oppression of my sex by yours, I ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 31 don't know that I've very much to grumble at. Prothero. And you're thoroughly, abso- lutely satisfied — matrimonially ? Lady C. Thoroughly! absolutely! Prothero (^cordially). You are the only woman I ever met who was. Lady C. Have you finished with my do- mestic affairs ? If so, I'll call in Mr. Lambert ! {Going to door. Prothero makes a mo- tion to stop her.^ Lady C. You object ? Prothero. No — but — Mr. Lambert has a prejudice against me Lady C. I'll give you a chance to remove it. {Opens door, l.) Mr. Lambert Enter George, l., bows to Prothero. Prothero. This is a little unusual, Mr. Lambert — but I'm quite willing to be cross- examined. George {seating himself^. Don't take any notice of me. Go on with Lady Clarabut as if I weren't here. {Seats hifnself, watches keenly.') Prothero. I'm ready. Lady Clarabut. Lady C. {turns round very sharply and sud- denly). My first dance ! Where was it ? What was the man's name ? Prothero {very quiet, digfiified). Oh please 32 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i give me fair play ! Don't try to confuse me ! Now ! a little more gentle if you please. Lady C. Where did I dance my first dance ? Prothero {^puis himself in an attitude). I see a town — there are hills all around — and a castle ^ — somewhere in Scotland — is it Edin- burgh ? Lady C. Quite right. And the man's name ? Prothero (^again puts himself in attitude). Captain — Captain — (^suddenly) Captain Capen- hurst ! Lady C. How did you know that ? Prothero. If I were to tell you, you would be as wise as I am. Another question, if you please. Have you thought of one ? Lady C. Yes. Prothero. Perhaps you would like me to tell you what your question is ? Lady C. That would be clever of you. Prothero {again in attitude). Wait ! Wait ! I see something — you are a child — a little girl — it is somewhere in the countr)^ — in the West of England — you are ill in bed — is it whooping-cough? No! It's measles! Am I right ? Lady C. Yes. I was going to ask you when and where I had the measles — it was when I was seven, at Cheltenham. ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 33 Prothero. What do you think of that, Mr. Lambert ? George. A wonderfully good shot, Mr. Prothero. Try again. Prothero. Ask me something else. Lady C. I've thought of something. But tell me again what I've thought of Prothero. Oh, that's hardly fair. Still — inputs hi??iself in attitude') — Oh ! Lady C. What's the matter — What do you see ? Prothero. Really — do you wish me to tell you what I see ? Lady C. By all means Prothero. You are in bed again — I regret to say you are drinking something hot in a tumbler — which (^sniffs) — which (^sniffs) smells like whiskey. Am I right ? Lady C. Quite. {Suddenly.) You were in the next room just now ! You heard me ! Prothero. Lady Clarabut, please recall that. Lady C. I beg your pardon. (^Suddenly.) Tell me what I'm thinking now ? Prothero {taken aback). What you are thinking now ? Lady C. Yes. {Appealing with a glance to George, who rises. Very pere?nptorily.) What am I thinking now ? {Looking at him very keenly.) 34 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i Prothero. You are thinking that I'm one of the biggest swindlers you ever met, and you never were more mistaken in your life ! Lady C. Good ! Shake hands. (^Holding out hand, shaking hands cordially.) That's just what I was thinking. (^To George.) Mr. Lambert, I've done ! I hand him over to you. Enter Miss Jenison, r., and crosses to l. George. Would you mind my putting a few questions to you in the presence of the company ? Prothero. Not at all. (^Exit Miss Jenison, l., leaves door open. ) George (^goes to door, l. ). Will you all please come in ? I am about to test Mr. Pro- thero's powers. Enter Lord John Bucklow, Sir William Clarabut, Nina, Mrs. Sydenham, Miss Proye, Mrs. Reffell, Lady Dovergreen coming in last, supported by Miss Jenison, who takes her to a chair, seats her comfortably, and stays beside her during the following scene, closely watching. Lord John (^ fat, disabled, hobbling old ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 35 aristocratic personage about seventy-five, with dis- jointed speech, ifivoltmtary whistlings, sphitter- ings, and nervous grimaces and twitchings of features.) Where is this fellow, what's his name? (^Little nervous whistle of few fiotes.) Oh, here you are. {Hobbles up to Prothero. ) I want to ask you — name of little hussy {whistle) I took to Switzerland eighteen-forty- nine — dark girl with curls {Gri?nace.) Lady C. Hush, Lord Johnny — 3^ou really must begin to reform 1 Lord John. I will ! I will ! I'll begin to- morrow morning — dammy, yes — reform. I'll tell my man to remind me. {To Prothero.) I say {Fulls down Prothero' s head to his, whispers. ) Prothero. I think, Lord John, we have revelled enough in your past for one evening. Come to me in Bond street one day, and I'll refresh your memory. Lord John. Thank you — thank you — so much — dammy, so much! {By this ti7?ie all have entered.) George. Mr. Prothero has kindly per- mitted me to put a few questions to him. You profess to be able to see the past lives of those who come to you. (Prothero bows.) Can you see my past ? 36 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i Prothero. Quite clearly. George. My childhood ? Prothero. Quite clearly. Would you like me to try and recall a few memories ? George. Yes. If you have this power you will be able to supplement my few recollec- tions so as to bring into my memory other circumstances connected with them. For in- stance, I vaguely remember a summer night, and some gardens, and a lady singing Prothero {throwing himself into his charac- teristic attitude). The concert is over — in the crush you are separated from your — from the man and woman who are with you — you get lost — the man searches all over the gardens for you — you are crying bitterly — at last he finds you and takes you in his arms and kisses you again and again — you are very tired — you have to walk home — the man is tired too — he throws you over his shoulder and you fall asleep — the man drags on— you wake up crying — you are hungry — the man tries to get you something to eat — all the shops are closed — he stops at a coffee-stall and gives you some coffee and bread and but- ter just as it is beginning to grow light — you eat hungrily — you kiss him — and fall asleep again with your arms hanging round his neck. Does that agree with your remembrance ? THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 37 George. Yes ! Yes ! Tell me — No Prothero. You wish me to recall some other memories ? George. Not here — not now. Prothero. Why not? Recall this scene — a man is playing a concertina on a river steam- boat. — As he comes off the boat a woman meets him and gives him a warning. — Do you follow ? George. Yes Prothero. He takes a cab, drives hurriedly away with you and the woman George. Stop. Prothero. No. The man George. Stop. Prothero {pauses. Looks round'). I'll com- plete the picture for you alone. George. No Prothero. If you please — You have ques- tioned my powers. I wish to convince you — One moment — {Draws him aside, whispers'). He takes you to a house close to a railway — the trains are rattling over your head — some men are smoking, drinking, swearing, playing cards — the police burst in — the man snatches you up and tries to escape — he is overpowered — he is dragged away — the woman cries and takes you with her. {Aloud.) Will you please tell the company, Mr. Lambert, if I have rightly recalled your past ? 38 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i George. I own you have — perfectly — but Prothero. You still doubt me. Re-e7iter Sir Thomas Dovergreen and Mr. Sydenham reading telegram. Tommy in wild excitement takes telegra?n from Sydenham, comes up to Prothero, takes his hand, shakes it warmly. Tommy. Thanks, dear old boy ! Cable from Koppiesfontein — splendid news — shares will be up to par to-morrow — (^Showing cablegra^n to Prothero). I've landed eight thousand pounds — I'm going to make you a present of one of 'em for giving me the tip. Pen and ink. (^Takes out a cheque-book, sits down to write. ) Lord John. I say — dear boy, what is this confounded mine — dammy — er — it is worth going in for ? Syd. Mr. Prothero, what are the future prospects of Koppiesfontien ? Reff. Shall you be at liberty to-morrow? Can you call at my office in the city ? I should like to talk this over with you, Mr. Prothero Tommy (^handing cheque to Prothero). No, Reffell, my boy — Prothero is my pal. There's a cheque for a thousand down on account, dear old boy. (Prothero takes cheque^. ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 39 Lady C. It seems strange, Mr. Prothero, if you have this wonderful power of foreseeing events, that you haven't taken advantage of it to make a fortune for yourself. Prothero {looking at cheque'). Pve never had the chance, Lady Clarabut. But I mean to now ! Sir Thomas, are you disposed to join me in a little speculation ? Lady C. {deprecatingly). No, Tommy ! Tommy. Yes, auntie ! (7b Prothero.) Join you? Won't I? And only too glad ! Make me your banker ! Here's my cheque-book — whenever you want it. You write out the cheques, Pll sign them. Pm game for what you like, and to any amount ! Prothero. Mr. Reffell, I will call on you in the city to-morrow. I shall have some very large investments to make. Reff. By all means. At what time may I expect you ? Prothero. At eleven. Has any lady or gentleman any other inquiry to make of me ? No ? If you will please excuse me. Lady Dov- ergreen, I have had a most fatiguing evening — Good-night, ladies and gentlemen ! Good-night to you all ! {Exif). Curtain. {Four months pass between Acts I and II.') ACT II Scene — Mr. Bailey Prothero's Flat, Audley Mansions, Mount Street A handsomely furnished dining-room. Door at back ; door L. Along the right side of room a table littered with remains of luncheon, wine and liqueur bottles, dessert plates, boxes of cigars, cigarettes, plates, dishes, serviettes, coffee service and cups, etc. Discover seated at table Prothero, The Marquis OF Bicester, Lord John Bucklow, Mr. Sydenham, Mr. Hubbock, Mr. Pinniger, Mr. Reffell, Mr. Chester, and Sir Thomas Dovergreen, smoking, drinking liqueurs and coffee. As curtain rises, Tommy gets on his legs. His speech is frequently interrupted with excla- mations of approval. Tommy. Lord Bicester, and gentlemen, you may think by my assuming this familiar attitude that I'm going to make a common or garden (40) ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 41 fool of myself. I'm not ! A little friendly luncheon like this ain't the time for letting off any superfluous piffle in the way of a speech. So I'll cut the cackle and come to business. We are here to form a snug little syndicate under the advice and direction of our worthy host, Mr. Bailey Prothero. It has been asked by certain persons, whom I will briefly describe as beastly duffling rank outsiders, '^Who is Mr. Bailey Prothero ? What has Mr. Bailey Prothero done ? Where does Mr. Bailey Pro- thero come from, and who are his ancestors ?" Lord Bicester and gentlemen — in reply to the question, ^'Who is Mr. Bailey Prothero?" I answer, " He is the jolly good fellow and dear old pal who sits there at the head of the table, smoking his cigar and liquoring up as calmly as if he hadn't got more brains in his little finger than all the rest of us have got in all our heads and bodies put together ! " Prothero. Oh, no, Tommy — oh, no! No psychology, please ! Tommy. Yes, you have, Bailey ! And you know you have ! In reply to the question, **What has Mr. Bailey Prothero done?" I an- swer, *' During the last three months he has given me the straightest of straight tips, whereby I have lined my breeches pockets with metal images of Her Majesty to the tune 42 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii of ten thousand quid sterling." And that is quite good enough for this sportsman ! In reply to the further question, ''Where does Mr. Bailey Prothero come from, and who are his ancestors?" I answer, "I don't know, and I thundering well don't care ! " I have ancestors of my own, and while Bailey (^pointing affection- ately to Prothero) continues to supply me with straight tips, I will supply him with ancestors. He is welcome to mine if he wants any. I place the whole boiling of them freely at his dis- posal Prothero. Thank you. Tommy, thank you. Tommy. As freely as I place at his disposal my cheque-book, my friendship, my hand, my heart, my all. Lord Bicester and gentlemen, I ask you to drink the health of our host and the boss of our syndicate, Mr. Bailey Prothero — the best and straightest fellow that ever breathed ! He will stick to you as he has stuck to me, and I will stick to him as long as he's got his honest old hand to hold out to a friend, as long as his dear old mug and his venerable locks waggle above his shoulders, and as long as he has got a straight tip to give me ! Gentlemen, without any further tommy-rot, I give you Mr. Bailey Prothero, and the South African and Australian Gold and Land Investment Bank. (^Sits down'). ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 43 (Lord John gets up. During his speech he is constantly interrupted and encour- aged by cries of ' ' Hear, hear ! Bravo, Lord Johnny, '^ etc. ) Lord John. My dear Bicester and gentle- men {splutters'), I wish to add my testimony {whistles a few notes') to that of my enthusiastic young friend who has just sat down {smacks his lips) — to the merits of our worthy host — dammy. I have arrived at — time of Hfe {grimace) when having exhausted all other delights {whistles a few notes) I have nothing before me — dammy — but an old age of sincere repentence {whistles) for having enjoyed myself to the best of my powers every day — dammy — and all day long for the last seventy-two years. {Smack of lips.) Providence, having blessed me {spluttering) with wonderful constitution {grimace) and having given me — dammy — most expensive and exclu- sive tastes in wine — {grimace) in food — in cigars — in clothes — and in love {whistles a few notes — forgot — dammy — to provide me with any solid and visible means of indulging those tastes. {Splutters and whistles.) I was therefore com- pelled either to live — {smack of lips) life of most offensive virtue and industr}^ — {whistles) or to gratify those tastes — dammy — at other people's expense. {Grimace.) I took latter alternative. But just as other people were {smack) — were 44 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii getting tired of this arrangement, I had good fortune (whistles) to meet with our worthy host, Mr. — Mr. — Mr. — {grimace) — HeobHgingly made use of my name, and in return gave me most useful advice — (^spluttering) with regard to cer- tain — dammy — mines. I have not the remotest idea where those mines are situated — (whistles) I do not know how our worthy host obtained his information — I only wish to express my implicit confidence in Mr. Prothero. Bailey Prothero. Lord John. Mr. Bailey Prothero's judg- ment — (^grimace). Through acting on his ad- vice I have satisfied my most rapacious cred- itors, and I have also {spluttering) provided my declining years with the bare necessaries of life — including some thirty dozens of eighty- nine champagne. — And, my dear Bicester — I hope you will no longer hesitate to follow the example which as your uncle and mentor I have set you (^chorus of ^^ Hear, Hear/''), and join us on the prospectus of this Trust or Bank — or whatever the damned thing is called. I drink to Mr. Bailey Prothero and South African, South American — confounded company — dammy — {Sits down amidst chorus of ^^Hear, Hear'' and '^Bra7jo, Johnny,'* They all rise and drink to Prothero, calling ouij ''Prothero/ Now, Prothero/ Bailey/") ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 45 Prothero (rising). Lord Bicester, Lord John, and gentlemen, I thank you most heart- ily for the cordial way in which you have drunk my health, and for the confidence you have reposed in me and the great enterprise upon which we have embarked. I am always deeply touched by proofs of confidence. It is my nature to be sensitive on this point. Con- fidence is the one thing I cannot live without. I own I have felt wounded by some remarks made by Lord Bicester as to the soundness of our undertaking Lord B. Oh, Mr. Prothero, I assure you — I assure you Prothero. You are perhaps right to be careful, Lord Bicester, but I felt wounded none the less. I have been challenged both in public and private as to the sources of my information, the precise means by which I was able to foretell the enormous rise that has taken place in certain mining shares during the last few months. Gentlemen, I absolutely decline to explain the nature of those gifts of insight and prediction whereby I have been so successful. I will not lay bare the workings of my soul to any one. In reply to the charges of imposture and swindling that are so freely brought against me by a certain weekly paper, I triumphantly point to the results I have 46 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii achieved. (^Cries of ^'Bear, Hear/''') Have I been successful in advising you to embark in certain enterprises? {^Cries of "You have.'') Have I put money in your pockets, or have I not? Tommy (^slaps his pockets^ which jingle with coin). You have ! You have ! Prothero. Then I claim your confidence for the future. Confidence is what I demand. Confidence is what I must have if the affairs of this company are to be brought to a suc- cessful issue under my advice. Our friend Mr. Hubbock may float our company as he has floated others, our friend Mr. Reffell may work it, our friend Mr. Sydenham may go to South Africa and Australia and report on the various properties, and our dear old friend the British public may subscribe for our shares, but unless I have your implicit confidence, the South African and Australian Gold and Land Investment Bank will come to grief, as surely — as surely as my name is Bailey Prothero. For the last time, Lord Bicester, all of you, if you have not the utmost confidence in me, say so now, and leave me — leave me to develop this scheme, and pocket the proceeds myself ! (^Cries of ^'No, no, no/") Tommy. No, no, go on, you old mascot, go on ! ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 47 Prothero {shaking hands all round). Thank you, gentlemen ! Thank you for this proof of your confidence. With that assured we march to certain victory. I foresee plainly a great and glorious future for South Africa. I foresee plainly a great and glorious future for Aus- tralia. I foresee plainly a great and glorious future for ourselves. I thank you for your confidence. If that confidence is misplaced, let any man come to me five years from to-day and tell me so. And I will meet him face to face and frankly own that I was mistaken ! (^Loud applause fro7n the compa^iy ; as he siis down a little movement a?nongst them — one or two guests get up and talk apart. ) Syd. I must be going, Prothero. I have heaps of things to do if I start next week for the Cape. Prothero. If you start next week for the Cape — You do start, my dear Sydenham. We rely upon you to supplement my advice. Reff. And I must be getting back to the City. Hub. One word — I must know to-night for certain whether we are to have Lord Bicester's name on our prospectus. Prothero. What do you say, Lord Bi- cester? We are waiting for your decision 48 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii Lord B. {a very mild, timid, nervous man about forty'). Well, Mr. Prothero — of course — if the thing is all right — I should be delighted to join you Prothero {very sternly). If the thing is all right, Lord Bicester — If the thing is all right ? Lord B. Yes — understand me — I don't wish to convey that the thing is not all right — in fact I'm convinced that the thing is all right — quite all right Prothero (^/^;2/^/y). Well? Lord B. Only — don't you know — I don't wish to lend my name to anything that is not — quite all right. Prothero {decisively). Mr. Hubbock, please to withdraw Lord Bicester's name from the prospectus. He will not join us. Lord B. Oh yes, oh yes, I fully intend to Prothero. I would prefer you should not. Lord B. Oh yes. I quite accept your assurance that the thing is all right. Mr. Hubbock, I go in with you. You may restore my name to your prospectus. Hub. Thank you. Lord Bicester. Come, Reff ell — Sydenham — ( General hand- shaking). Syd. See you to-morrow, Prothero. {Shaking hands.) ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 49 Prothero. I shall be free at eleven. (^Shaking hands with Reffell and Hubbock.) (^Exeunt Reffell, Hubbock, and Syden- ham. Prothero. Chester, Pinniger, are you going ? (^Shaking hands with them. ) Chester. We must, dear old fellow. {Exeunt Chester and Pinniger.) Lord John. Bye-bye. I say my dear boy, I cannot remember name of that little hussy — {whistles^ that I took to Switzerland year eighteen-forty-nine — you told me all about her — little dark girl Prothero. Hush — Lord John — Business ! Business ! Love is the business of our youth — Business is the business of our maturer years. Lord John. No ! No ! Dear boy ! Love, dear boy — Love! love! love is the only business that is worth doing on this con- founded planet of ours. Love ! Love ! {Whistles.^ Come along, Bicester — I cannot remember name of that little — hussy — dammy ( Whistles. Exit. ) Lord B. Good-day, Mr. Prothero — de- lighted to join you — {nervously). One word in strict confidence — you'll excuse me — the thing is quite all right, eh ? eh ? 50 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii Prothero slightly winks at him, laughs, and grasps his hand. Exit Lord Bicester with satisfied expression on his face.") Tommy. Good-bye, dear old chum. (^Looks at him.') By Jove, Bailey, the more I look at you, the more I wonder how that one darned old head of yours holds all your brains Prothero. It is a tight fit. Tommy. How d'ye do it, eh, Bailey? Prothero (^slightly winks at him, laughs, shakes head). Pocket your profits, Tommy, and don't ask questions. Tommy. I won't. Only, I say, Bailey — {very confidentially) — Is there anything in this inner vision, or is it all tommy-rot, eh? Prothero looks at him calmly and very viciously for some moments, then speaks). If you insult me by asking me that question again, I'll call up my man and I'll have you placed on the outside of my front door with instruc- tions that you never see the inside of it again. Tommy. I beg your pardon. Dear old boy, I didn't mean it. You'll look over it ? Prothero. This time, yes. But under- stand me, if you dare to question my powers again, either to yourself or to any living man Tommy. I won't, dear old man. I won't, ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 51 I assure you. I believe in you thoroughly — only I don't quite know how it's done. Shake hands, dear old fellow. (Prothero shakes hands reluctantly.') Tommy (^shaking hands). I'm awfully sorry. I say, we have been landing 'em lately, haven't we ? ( Tapping his breeches pockets.) Prothero. We have been landing them lately. (^They both stand tapping their breeches pockets a?id laughing.) Tommy {shaking hands). Bye-bye, dear old Bailey. {Goes to door, about to exit; returns.) I can't help it. I must come and have another look at you. You are a clever devil. I must shake hands once again, dear old boy. {Another hand-shake and laugh; taps breeches pockets, Prothero does same. Exit Tommy, laughing.) Prothero {laughs in harmony with Tommy. When Tommy exits he continues laughing ; changes the tone of his laugh ; it grows louder and fiercer and more conte?nptuous ; laughs again and again contemptuously). My fools ! My fools ! My fools ! My pretty, pretty, pretty fools ! My team of fools ! My perfect world of perfect fools ! Enter Palmer, showing in Miss Jenison. Palmer {announces). Miss Jenison. {Exit.) 52 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act il Miss J. George Prothero {watches Palmer offy executes a few steps of a dance round her). Come in ! Make yourself at home, Mrs. Bailey Prothero, alias Mrs. Stanley Browne, alias Miss Jenison, alias Mrs. George Jackman ! Miss J. Hush ! Hush ! How did the luncheon go off ? Prothero. Rumbo ! Miss J. And the Company ? Have you started it ? Prothero. Yes ! Pve bagged the Marquis of Bicester ! I bluffed and bullied him into it, and Pve got all these sharp city men in tow, Reffell, Sydenham, Hubbock, the whole pack of them ! They're teaching me a high old game, and they think Pm teaching them. And the devil of it is Pm nearly always right ! Did you ever know such luck ? Luck ! It can't be luck! There must be something in it ! There must be a little cherub sitting up aloft with special instructions to take care of me. I can't go wrong ! Lizzie, in six months I shall be making so much money I shan't know what to do with it ! Come ! Sit down and enjoy yourself ! Take off your hat and coat ! Miss J. Shan't I shock that respectable man-servant of yours ? ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 53 Prothero. Shock him ! Do him good ! Respectability be hanged ! I've had all these swells to luncheon till I'm simply bursting with respectability. Sixpen'orth more will be the death of me. Take them off, my girl ! {^Unfastening her cape and iakifig off her hat.^ Take them off ! Why do you wear such things as these ? (^Flinging her cloak on one side, pitching her hat on to his toe, and kicking it across the room.^ Miss J. Oh, George, my best hat ! Prothero (^banging the feathers abouf). And a damned bad one it is. Get another one, my girl ! It's not good enough for you ! (^Cuffing it about.) Here! {Taking out a leather pocket-book fro?n his pocket, and a bundle of notes fro7n it, stuffing them into her hand.) Go and spend some of my money ! Go and buy up Marshall and Snelgrove ! Buy up Lewis and Allenby ! And then come back and ask for more, .God bless you ! Sit down. Have a drink ! Put a name on it, Chartreuse, Maras- chino, Cura^oa, Champagne Miss J. Champagne. Prothero. Rumbo ! Eighty-four. We'll have it in the tankard that young guffin gave me for stuffing him about the mines. {Pouring out champagne into a tankard that sta?ids on the 54 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii table, giving it to her.) There ! And before we turn over our new leaf I'll give you a toast — The past, old girl ! Miss J. The past ! {Drinking.') Prothero. The jolly, rowdy, rollicking old past ! Lizzie, this is better than playing the concertina. (^Humming a so7ig, with the fnotion of play - i?ig the concertina. ) Prothero. Lizzie, I've been to look at a house in Park Lane this morning Miss J. Park Lane?! Prothero. Yes ! Why not ? What a fool I was not to try honesty first ! What a fortune I should have made by this time ! Miss J. And you do mean to try honesty now, don't you, dear, for all the rest of your life? Prothero. Of course I do ! I always have been as honest as circumstances permitted. No man can say more. And the richer I grow, the honester I get ! Besides, there's no need to be dishonest in London ! There are so many ways of swindling the people — honestly. Here, take this order to view the house. Go and look over it this afternoon, and come back and tell me how you like it. Miss J. {taking house agenfs order from Pro- thero). George, don't you think if we make ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 55 too much of a stir in the world something may turn up ? Prothero. Not it ! It's a good many years ago. Nobody's likely to recognize us. If any- thing ever does turn up, put it all on to me. Miss J. In this world — or the next? Prothero. Oh, dear ! There's that con- science of yours bobbing up again ! That's the worst of you, Lizzie. Just when everything is serene and beautiful, the birds are chirruping around us, the flowers are blooming on every side, we go festively along hand in hand sipping the sweets of life together, when all of a sudden up bobs that confounded conscience of yours and sheds a sickly gloom over the whole land- scape ! Shut him up in his box, there's a dear girl. Shut him up and keep him there ! Miss J. Forgive me, George. You know what my people were before they came down in the world, and how strictly I was brought up. And when I think of my sister Annie, and how really good she was Prothero. Strike an average ! She was good enough for both of you. Thank God there was so much goodness in the family. Come, drop it ! It's all done with ! There's only one step between a rogue and an honest man, and I've taken that step, once and for all! 56 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii Enter Palmer, brmging a lady's visiting card on tray. Palmer. Lady wishes to see you, sir. Prothero. Another of 'em ! I can't see her. Tell her that the constant exercise of my powers of second-sight has completely shattered my nervous system. My physician has posi- tively forbidden me to use them upon all ordi- nary subjects. Has Mr. Lambert called ? Palmer. No, sir. Prothero. Show him up when he does. Palmer. Yes, sir. There's a shabby party in the hall, sir. He says you've lost a diamond stud and he's found it, and he won't give it up to any one but you. Prothero. I've not lost any diamond stud. Palmer. No, sir. Prothero. Show him the door, and take care of the coats and umbrellas. Palmer. Yes, sir. And you can't see this lady to-morrow or at any time ? Prothero {impatimily'). No, no. I cannot. I will not wreck my nervous system to satisfy their idle curiosity. Tell that to all of them. (^Exit Palmer.) I say, Lizzie ! I gave up the fortune-telling business just in time. You re- member that Mrs. Enderfield that we couldn't get to know anything about ? ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 57 Miss J. The pretty little dark woman ? Prothero. Yes. I plunged into her do- mestic experiences and put my foot in it. Her husband came and kicked up a devil of a row ; wanted to shoot me. I'm well out of it, Lizzie. Lucky these mines turned up just in time ! Miss J. George, don't you think we'd bet- ter Prothero. Now I know what's coming — He's going to bob up again. Shut him up ! Shut him up ! Put him in his box. Miss J. Is George coming this afternoon ? Prothero. Yes. I asked him to lunch, but he wouldn't come. Miss J. Why not? Prothero. He won't accept my hospitality. He won't let me put any good things in his way. He only comes because he thinks that I can tell him something about his father and mother. Miss J. But you won't ? Prothero. Yes, I shall — some day. Miss J. No, no, George. Our promise to Annie — you know it was a sacred promise when she took him and educated him that we would never claim him. Prothero. Promises ! Pancakes ! I'm going to claim my son. He's clever, Lizzie. He's clever. I sneaked into court the other 58 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY ACT ii day and heard him plead. Oh ! he's clever — I can't help feeling proud of him, though he does come here and insult me. By Jove, Lizzie, there must be a lot of latent honesty in me to be the father of a boy like that ! I suppose honesty's like the gout, it runs in certain families for several generations, and then it skips a generation. It tried to skip me, and nearly succeeded. Miss J. George, you won't tell him? Prothero. Why not? Miss J. He has set his heart upon this girl. If we keep quiet, and he's successful at the bar, I feel sure Lady Clarabut will give her consent in a year or two. But if we tell him Prothero. What then ? Miss J. He knows that there is something disreputable connected with his father and mother. He'll never rest till he finds out what it is. Prothero. We'll tell him ourselves. We can skip the worst, and let ourselves down gently. Miss J. {shakes heady He'll drag it all out. Prothero. Well ? What if he does ? Miss J. He'll be bound in honour either to tell Lady Clarabut or ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 59 Prothero. Honour ! Pancakes ! Let him keep his mouth shut and marry the girl. Miss J. He won't do that. He'll give her up. And what will he think of us ? What will he think of me ? How he will hate and despise me ! Prothero. He shan't despise you, Lizzie. If he must have a parent to despise, let him take it out of me. But, wait a few months, till I've made my pile, and we've moved into our house in Park Lane. Then I'll heap coals of fire on his head ! Wait, wait ! He won't refuse to be my heir. He can't be so honest as all that ! Yes, wait till the right moment comes, and we'll own our boy, and he shall own us, too ! Now, about our wedding Miss J. I suppose we shall have to be re- married ? Prothero. Of course we must. Lucky devil I am to marry a woman like you twice over ! Miss J. It won't be illegal, will it? Prothero. Not a bit. The more married we are the more respectable we become. We'll hurry things up. We'll have a splendid turn-out this time, old girl, very different from our first wedding. Lord Bicester has got a cousin a bishop. I wonder whether we could nobble the bishop for the ceremony ? 60 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii Enter Palmer, with letter on tray. Palmer. The shabby party has come back, sir, and asked me to give you this. (Prothero takes letter^ which is written on a dirty sheet of note-paper^ enclosed in a dirty envelope, opens it, shows annoyance, with shade of fright.') Palmer. He says he's sure you'll see him, sir. Prothero {Jiaving glanced through letter). It's all right, Palmer — I have lost a diamond stud. Show the man up. (^Exit Palmer.) Prothero. (^Gives letter to Miss Jenison, in an alarmed whisper.) It's Bob Gushing. Miss J. Gushing ! What will you do ? ( Takifig letter. ) Prothero. S'hush ! Opens door R., motions her in, puts finger on lip, closes door after her ; turns to the other door, where Mr. Robert Gushing enters, shown in by Palmer, who withdraws, closing the door after him. Mr. Robert Gushing is a disreputable personage of about fifty -five, with face giving evidences of past joviality, dis- sipation and depravity ; unshaven, very shabbily dressed in a dirty, light, long ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 61 coatj with capacious pockets in front and also behind. This coat buttons over a very dirty flannel shirt. He has no waistcoat and no tie. A limp^ dirty white collar^ black, shiny, greasy, frayed trousers ; a shabby, shapeless, low black hat, with a very narrow brim ; old boots, showing a bit of stockings at the toe ; baiid of crape on his arm. He enters, looks round in amazement at the rooni, whistles as- tonishment,') CusH. Georgy, dear old pal, your diggings? Prothero (^curtly). No ; belongs to a friend of mine. What do you want here ? CusH. Well, I happened to be passing — I saw you come in — I knew I should be wel- come Prothero. Whom did you ask for down- stairs ? CusH. Well, I didn't ast for Mr. Long- Firm Jackman. I ast for the guv'ner, not knowing exactly what your name is — at pres- ent. (^Looking again round the room.) So you ain't the guv'ner, then ? Prothero. No. Pm here for a few days till my friend comes back. Bob, where can I see you to-night on important business ? CusH. Outside the old place in Soho ? 62 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii Prothero. Right. Be there at ten. Clear out now. (^Goes to door, tries to get Gushing to- wards it. ) CusH. Wait a bit, Georgy. You needn't be in such a hurry to get rid of me. Prothero. Well, what the devil do you want ? CusH. Well, look at me ! What is there I don't want ? It ain't kind of you to show me the door the first blessed minute I meet you. (^A little snivel.) And such pals as we always was ! And after all I've suffered. (^A little snivel.') Prothero. Well, what have you suf- fered ? CusH. (^Edging towards table.) Suffered? Oh, Lord ! Gracious goodness ! Well ! There ! What haven't I suffered ? And the worst of all is the utter want of self-respect. That's what's the matter with me, Georgy. {By this time he has got to luncheon table, and is peering amongst the dishes and bottles.) Does there hap- pen to be a toothful of anything wet about ? (^Takes up tankard, dri?iks ; after a mouthful removes it from his lips.) Golly ! Fizz ! {Drains it, and seats himself co??ifortably on end chair, which is turned towards audience. Prothero shows great disgust and impatience.) Suffered ! ACT 11 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 63 Well ! There ! The trouble I've had would have broke the heart of a bullock. (^During the following scene Prothero shows great disgust and impatience^ a7id gives vent to contempttious excla- mations. Gushing eyes the things on the table ^ and, as Prothero' s back is turned, drops a box of cigars and a couple of spoons into his poeket at suitable mo7nents. ) CusH (^continuijig). My poor, dear wife, Georgy ! You knew her. She always admired you. She said if it came to sheer intellect, that old Gladstone wasn't in it with you ! Ah ! (/i* overcofne with reminiscences.) What that dear martyr endured ! Prothero {curtly). What was the matter with her? Cush. Internal complications. Oh, Lord ! Her poor dear legs swelled till they was as thick as my body. Gracious goodness ! Well ! There ! {Drops a spoon into his pocket.) And now she's gone ! {Cries a little). Prothero. Gone ? ! I should think she is ! And very glad she must have been to get the chance ! Cush. Why so, Georgy ? Prothero. You were always beating and kicking her, and swearing at her. 64 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii CusH. That's it, Georgy ! That's it, dear old pal ! It's that what makes it so hard to bear. The memory of what that poor dear angel went through, and all along of me ! And how she loved me for it ! Oh, Lord ! Gra- cious goodness ! Well ! There ! {Cries.^ Prothero, When did she die ? CusH. Two years ago last January. I wouldn't tell you a lie about it. (^At this moment his hand is toying, as if carelessly, with a spoon which is near him on the table. Prothero remarks the action, goes behind him, lifts his hand carefully away from the table, and places it on his chest in front of him. Prothero then glances over the table, fnisses the articles that have go7ie.^ Prothero {ordinary voice'). Get up, Bob. CusH. Eh ? Prothero. Get up ! CusH. Me ? Prothero {makes move7nent to indicate him to rise. Gushing rises reluctantly). Turn out your pockets. Gush. Eh ? (Prothero poi?its peremptorily to his pockets. Gushing draws out a box of cigars. Prothero takes it and places it on the table, comes back again. ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 65 points peremptorily to Gushing' s pock- ets. Gushing then more reluctantly draws out two spoons. Prothero takes them, places them on table, glances round to see that all is safe, moves Gushing' s chair right away from the table. ) Prothero. Have you anything more to say ? Gush. Well, dear old pal, what am I to do? That's the question as confronts me. I ast you that. Look there ! (^Opens his coat and shows an absence of waistcoat.^ My coat's away for four bob {producing pawn-ticket.') There's the ticket ! — I wouldn't tell you a lie about it. What am I to do, old pal ? (Prothero looks at him for some seconds.) Prothero. Do you think you've sense enough to hold your tongue and honesty enough to be honest to me — if I trusted you? Gush. Fll try, Georgy. I think I could be honest — if I tried. And if it was made worth my while. Prothero {looking him up and down). You're a sweet-looking object ! I shall have to fake you up a good bit. Gush. Don't you be afraid of that, dear old pal ! I can pass muster for a gentleman anywhere, and in any company, providin' I'm 66 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii togged out, and keep my blessed mouth shut. Prothero. Keep it shut altogether. Now ! You'll start for South Africa at once, and you'll watch another man I'm sending out and cable me exactly what he's doing. CusH. Right. And what will the remu- neration be ? Prothero. Not a farthing. Just your ex- penses till your work is done. Then if you've done it well and kept your mouth shut, leave it to me. CusH. All right, Georgy. I throw myself on your honour — and, I say, have you got such a thing as a decent coat and an 'at with a little shape in it? {Showing his hat. Pro- thero rings bell.) And just a quid — or a fiver — make it a fiver, dear old Georgy — for the sake of old times. How's the missus ? — you'll excuse my not asting for her before Prothero {giving him a note). Yes, if you never ask for her again. Entei' Palmer. Prothero. Palmer, this man has found a diamond stud of mine. Give him the old overcoat and hat that Pve left off, and show him the door. ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 67 Palmer. Yes, sir. Lady Clarabut and Miss Clarabut have just driven up, sir. (Gushing shows i7iterest at mention of Lady Clarabut's name.) Prothero. Show them up. Palmer. (^Exit Palmer.) Now be off. I'll give you all the particulars when I see you to-night. (Gushing has got towards table and is eyeing the spoons. Prothero glances sharply at him.) Gush. I hope you'll look over the spoons, Georgy — it ain't that I'm bad by nature, its only my prepensities ! — you know that. As a kid I was most respectable — and pious ! But what did I do ? I went and broke my dear old father's and mother's hearts — I did — both of 'em. And what followed ? Loss of self- respect ! That's what's so hard to bear, Georgy — the total absence of all self-respect ! (^Glanc- ing down at his clothes. ) Look at my trousis and boots! Nobody — I don't care who he is — not even the Prince of Wales couldn't re- spect himself in a pair of bags like this ! Oh Lord ! Gracious goodness ! Well ! There ! {^Exit.) Re-enter Miss Jenison, r. Miss J. Well ! Prothero. It's all right. He doesn't know who I am now. 68 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii Miss J. What are you going to do with him ? Prothero. Pack him off to South Africa, and get him to watch my friend Sydenham. He may be a lot of use to me out there, and he can't do me any harm. I shall be able to keep a check on Syddy, and Fll astonish all the others by telling them exactly what Syddy is doing. Miss J. But if Gushing finds out you are — Prothero. I'll start him to-morrow before he gets a chance. I'll see to that. And once I get him on the other side of the world, it's hard if my little cherub and I between us can't keep him there. Hush, Lady Clarabut. I'll intro- duce the future Mrs. Bailey Prothero. Re-enter Palmer, showmg in Lady Clarabut and Nina. Palmer (^announces ^. Lady Clarabut and Miss Clarabut. . (^Exit Palmer.) Lady C. I told you I should call, Mr. Prothero. Miss Jenison ! (^Showing a little surprise). Prothero. Yes. You are aware that I have lately taken advantage of my extraordinary powers to make some very profitable specula- tions. My nervous system is completely shat- ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 69 tered, and I have therefore decided to spend the evening of my life in dignified retirement in — in Park Lane, surrounded by my friends and those whom I have helped to prosperity. I shall need some one to entertain my friends — Miss Jenison has done me the honour to promise to become Mrs. Bailey Prothero. Lady C. I congratulate you — I congratu- late you both. Miss J. Good-bye, Lady Clarabut. Lady C. Good-bye. Miss J. Good-bye, Nina. Nina. Good-bye. (Miss Jenison kisses Nina, who is a little surprised, but accepts the kiss without returning it.^ Enter Palmer. Palmer. Mr. Lambert. Enter George, looks a little surprised at seeing Miss Jenison. Prothero. May I present you to my fu- ture wife, Miss Jenison ? George. How d'ye do. Miss Jenison ? (^Shaking hands.) Miss J. Won't you congratulate me, Mr. Lambert ? 70 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii George (^forced to say it~). I — I congratu- late you. {A little awkward pause. ) Prothero. My brougham is in the stables — I'll get 3^ou a cab, dear. {Exit, followed by Miss Jenison, who turns and looks at George as she goes off.) George {follows her a step or two, then turns to look at Lady Clarabut afid Nina, who by look and gesture express that they share his as- tonishfnent). This is a strange move on the part of our friend — {Advances, shakes hands with Lady Clarabut and Nina.) Is this the first you have heard about it ? Lady C. Yes. He has been a good deal lately at my sister's v^ith Tommy, but I had no idea Miss Jenison was the attraction. How- ever, it's a very good match for her, and I don't blame her. The man has really made a heap of money. I met him at dinner the other night at Lord Winchendon's George. He dines at Lord Winchendon's ? Lady C. The rascal dines everywhere. Lord Winchendon made five thousand pounds out of the tip he gave him that night. He shall dine with me at the same rate, every night of the year. That's what I've come about. George. Then you're bitten at last ? ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 71 Lady C. My dear Mr. Lambert, for the last four months I have gone about prid- ing m3^self upon my moral superiority to all my friends in keeping aloof from this dreadful speculation. Meantime all my friends have been making fortunes, and now I find myself out in the cold with empty pockets. Nina. You have your moral superiority, mamma. Lady C. No, my dear. It's all used up. I've reconsidered the whole matter, and I've come to the conclusion that gambling is only immoral when you lose. If everybody always won, gambling would be a great national pen- sion fund for all of us. Therefore, to the extent that you win, gambling is a virtue. I'm going to practice that virtue. Re-enter Prothero. Lady C. Mr. Prothero has promised to give me some information about this new investment bank of his. Prothero. Delighted, Lady Clarabut. If you'll step this way. {^Going to door, r.) (Lady Clarabut hesitates, glances at George and Nina.) Prothero. You wish for Mr. Lambert's 72 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii advice again ? I hoped by this time I had convinced both you and Mr. Lambert. Lady C. Oh, it's not that. But — can't you give me the information here? Prothero. No. I wish to give you facts and figures. {He opens door ; she still hesitates. ) You needn't hesitate. A good many thousand pounds have been made in this little den the last few months. {Pointing in.) Will you walk in ? {She enters. He looks back at George and Nina as he goes in after her.) George. This man puzzles me more and more. I'm sure he's a thorough rogue, and yet Nina. And yet ? George. He prospers. Nina. Oh, but that's a very old experience, isn't it ? George. Yes. But it's terribly discourag- ing to people who wish to be honest — that is, if there is any living for honest men in this world. Nina. Ah, don't say that ! You've been very successful so far, and I'm sure you have been honest. George. Yes, up to the present I've kept thoroughly honest. Miss Clarabut, give me your advice ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 73 Nina. Advice to a lawyer? Isn't that your own specialty ? Isn't that what you sell to other people ? George. Yes, but I don't ask you to sell this. Give it to me, and I promise you I'll act upon it. Nina. Tell me the circumstances. George. This man has been at me the last four months. He has offered to put me on to what he calls "good things." He has sent for me to-day to offer me business con- nected with this company of his, — which I believe to be not very much removed from a swindle. You see the fix I'm in. I want to make money. You know why. I want to win the girl I love. If I were rich and successful I think her father and mother would give her to me in spite of the uncertainty about my people. But I don't want to make money in a left-handed way ? Nina. And this would be a left-handed way ? George. Yes. This Prothero knows I sus- pect him. That's the reason he's so confound- edly civil to me. He wants to inveigle me into his speculations ; he wants to buy me, so that he can shut my mouth if I get to know any- thing about him. Nina. Very well. Don't let him buy you. 74 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii Though every man has his price — Isn't that so? George. No, that's not so ! There's no price would buy me, if I knew that she would despise me if I sold myself. Nina. If she's a nice girl, she'd rather wait a little longer and know that it was all quite — quite on the square. George. Thank you. It shall be all quite — quite on the square. Re-enter Lady Clarabut and Prothero. Lady C. Very well, Mr. Prothero. I'll take your advice. Prothero. Understand me, I do not guar- antee you these large profits. Those who take my opinion do so entirely at their own risk. Lady C. Oh, I'm quite prepared to lose my mone3^ George. I hope you're not going to specu- late largely. Lady Clarabut. Lady C. Yes, I've made up my mind to have one tremendous flutter — don't you call it ? — and then stop. Come, Nina. Prothero. I wish you and Miss Clarabut would dine with me one evening, and go to the play. ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 75 Nina. Oh, we're full for next week, aren't we, mamma ? Prothero. The week after, then. Perhaps Mr. Lambert would join us ? Will you fix an evening ? Lady C. What evening are we disengaged, Nina ? Nina. Your book is at home — hadn't we better leave it ? (^Glances inquiringly at George.) George. I fear I cannot promise. (Prothero shows disappointment.') Lady C. I'll look at my engagement book, Mr. Prothero, and let you know. Prothero {to Nina, detaining her). You never gave me an opportunity of telling you what your future will be. Nina. What will it be ? Prothero. A very happy one, I hope, with all my heart. I should like to think that I had helped to make it so ? Nina. I don't see how that is possible. Prothero. If Lady Clarabut's venture turns out well, as I feel sure it will, will you remember that I wished for your happiness, and that I did all I could to bring it about ? ( Offering his hand. ) Nina (Jakes hand, not very cordially). Thank you ; that's kind of you. (Prothero rings bell.) 76 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii Lady C. (^shaking hands with George). Now, Nina, we'll drive to Mr. Reffell's and make the plunge. If I lose — oh! George. What then ? Lady C. I shall hold my tongue, reassume my moral superiority, and think what a very foolish woman I've been* George. And if you win ? (Palmer appears at door.) Lady C. Then I shall invest my winnings in consols, reassume my moral superiority, and think what a very clever woman I've been. Wish me luck, Mr. Lambert ! {Exeunt Lady Clarabut and Nina, followed by Palmer.) Prothero (^watches them off, then very cor- dially to George). Sit down, Mr. Lambert. I'm sorry you couldn't come to lunch. George. I was engaged. Prothero. You generally are engaged when I invite you. George. Yes — unfortunately. Prothero. What can I offer you? Coffee? Liqueur ? Whiskey and soda ? George. Nothing, thank you. Prothro. You smoke ? George. If you don't mind. Prothero {offering cigars'). Try these — they're rather special. ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 77 George {taking out cigar-case from his own pockety. Thank you, I always smoke one par- ticular sort, and those I carry with me. (George lights cigar. Prothero shows that he is hurt.) Now, Mr. Prothero ! Prothero. I've been speaking about you to our lawyers. I've asked them to put all the business they can in your way. George. Thank you. {A little pause.) Prothero. If you have a few hundreds or thousands lying idle, buy as many as you can of our Bank shares. George. Thank you ; I daren't risk the little money that I have saved. Prothero. It's no risk. They must go up. And I'll tell you when to sell out. George. Thank you, I never speculate. {Pause. Prothero shows vexation.) Prothero. Then you won't allow me to do you a good turn ? George. Oh, yes. But first of all, why do you wish to do me a good turn? Prothero. I don't understand you. George. Either one of two things, Mr. Prothero. Either you are acting from pure kindness and goodness of heart towards a stranger — or — you are acting from interested motives. Prothero. You don't think I could act 78 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii from pure kindness and goodness of heart towards a young fellow whom I like, a fine- spirited, handsome young fellow — {laying his hand affectionately on George's shoulder') — who can look the world in the face — (George edges away from him with a movement of repulsion) — I want to help you ! I want to advance you in the world ! I want you to marry this girl. Didn't you notice how I got the old lady out of the way just now ? I want you to be happy and rich and powerful ! And I'll show you the way ! I like you, and I respect you ! Can't you try to like me and respect me a little? Can't you trust me? (^Again affectionately laying his hand on George's shoulder. Again George moves away.) George. Give me some reason for respect- ing and trusting you. Show me that you are an upright, honourable man, and I'll ask your pardon, and own that I've been mistaken in you. Prothero. Then you don't think I am an upright, honourable man ? George {firmly). No, Mr. Prothero, I don't. Prothero {shows pain). Why not ? George. I'll be quite frank with you. I'll lay all my cards on the table. You remember the first night I met you at Lady Dover- green's ? ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 79 Prothero. Yes. George. You told me several things about my childhood which impressed me very deeply. I called the next day and asked you how you became possessed of j^our information. Prothero. Well, I told you. George. That you had a peculiar gift of seeing the past and the future, and by that mysterious power you saw things that had hap- pened to me over twenty years ago ? Prothero. Yes. George. Do you still give me that ex- planation ? Prothero (^slight pause). Yes. (George smiles and shrugs his shoulders.) Prothero {rather angrily). You don't be- lieve me ? George. No, I don't, Mr. Prothero. Prothero {cofnes up to him, threateningly). You tell me I'm a liar! — How dare you ( Takes a turn or two very angrily. ) George. Pll tell you why I don't believe you. I tested you about my later life. I found you thoroughly, hopelessly at sea. I sent other people to test you Prothero. You laid a trap for me ? George. A trap, Mr. Prothero ? Isn't it your business ? Don't you challenge inquiry ? Prothero. Whom did you send ? 80 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii George. Don't you know ? Can't you tell me ? Colonel Vanstone, Sir John Leeming, Mrs. Enderfield. You were hopelessly, thor- oughly at sea in every case. Prothero. My powers sometimes fail me. George. Just so. They do. They fail you at the exact point at which you don't know and can't give a good guess. Prothero. So you tell me to my face that Pm a swindler and a liar ! George. Do you claim that you have this extraordinary power? — (^He pauses.') Yes or no, Mr. Prothero ? Prothero. Yes ! (^A little firmer. ) Yes ! Yes ! George. And you knew the events of my childhood by that power and that alone ? (Prothero falters.) Be careful — yes or no? Prothero. Yes. Don't I tell you? Yes! Yes! George {rises quietly, takes up his hat). Thank you. Good-day, Mr. Bailey Pro- thero. Prothero. No — {stops hi7n). Why do you come here and insult me ? Sit down ! I tell you I have this power ! Can't you see the evi- dences of it ? Look all round ! Pm coining money! Pm making my thousands ! Pm giv- ing fortunes to all my friends. Isn't that ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 81 sufficient answer? Won't you come in with me, you young fool? George. Thank you for showing me your hand so plainly, Mr. Prothero. But I'm not to be bought. Prothero. Bought ! George. You know that I see through you, — you offer me this chance of feathering my nest, to shut my mouth. But I tell you plainly, I think I have a better game to play, I think it will answer my purpose better in the long run to keep clear of you and expose you for the rogue I know you to be. Prothero. What ! Enter Miss Jenison, shown in by Palmer, who withdraws. Miss J. {a pause'). What is the matter? George (^looks from one to the other). Miss Jenison, you were a friend of my aunt. Miss J. No, only a very slight acquaint- ance. George. Did you ever hear her speak of my father or mother ? Miss J. No. George. And you had no personal knowl- edge of them yourself. Miss J. Not the least. Why ? 82 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY ACT ii George. You know how necessary it is for me to know all about my parents. Miss J. I wish I could help you. I'm sorry I can't. George. Good-bye. Miss J. Good-bye. {Shaking hands. George is going.) George {turtis at door). I think I ought to tell you, Mr. Prothero, that I have been making some inquiries about you. Entei' Palmer. Palmer. The shabby party has come back, sir, and says he must see you at once. Enter Gushing, shaven^ with a respectable tall hat, and an overcoat which does not fit him. He gives a glance of surprised recognition at Miss Jenison, bows to her. George is watching. Prothero {to Gushing). What the devil do you mean by coming in here ? Gushing. Beg pardin', Mr. Bailey Prothero {with significant emphasis). I found this enve- lope in the pocket of the overcoat you was kind enough to give me Prothero {takes envelope, destroys it). Take ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 83 this man into your pantry, Palmer. I'll speak to him downstairs. (Palmer points off. Gushing makes an elaborate bow to Miss Jenison. She takes no notice. George is watching keenly. Exit Gushing, followed by Palmer.) George {is following quickly'). Good -day, Mr. Prothero. Prothero {stops him). No, one moment, Mr. Lambert. Let me understand. You have been making inquiries about me? George. I have tried to learn all I can about your previous career. Prothero. Indeed. And how much have you learned ? George. Up to the present next to noth- ing. But I shall continue my inquiries till I do learn something. Good-day. {Going.) Prothero {rings bell). You'll find you are very much mistaken in me. I hope you'll learn to know me better. George {shrugs shotdders significantly). I hope so, Mr. Prothero. I sincerely hope so. I hope I shall get to know you very well in- deed, and be the means of letting other people know you, too ! {Exit. ) Prothero {enraged). He insults me ! He threatens me ! The young cub, I'll read him 84 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii a lesson ! I'll teach him to love and respect me — he shall — or, if he won't, damn him, let him rake out the past, and let it come tum- bling down over his head and ears as well as mine! I'll — I'll {Standitig angrily at door, looking after George.) Miss J. {^goes to him very appealingly). Dear, be ruled by me ! Gushing has found you out ! George suspects you ! Our house of cards is tumbling ! Let's go while we have time ! Prothero. Turn tail? Not I! Miss J. Yes ! Yes ! We've enough to make us happy for all our life in some place whei^ we are not known. Let's take it, and leave London at once. If we stay we shall be discovered and disgraced ! George, listen to me ! Our luck has gone ! This is the end of it ! I know I'm right ! Something warns me that Prothero (^fiercely'). Shut him up ! Put him in his box! I'll have none of that! (^Gesture of despair and resignation from Miss Jenison.) (Very tenderly.) Lizzie, don't give way, old girl ! Don't be a wet blanket on me now, just as I've got the world at my feet — yes, the world, for London is the world, and I'm leading all the fools in London by the nose ! Can't you see them dancing to my ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 85 tune? (^She looks at him frightened.') Buck up, old girl ! Buck up ! You drank to our past ! Drink to our future ! I'll get rid of that beast Gushing ! I'll knock the sawdust out of Master George ! We'll take this house in Park Lane ! You shall have carriages, gee- gees, dresses, toggery, diamonds, anything you please ! My luck isn't going to change ! It can't ! It shan't ! My little cherub's up there looking after me ! Here's good luck to my luck ! I'll stick to my luck ! (^She stands looking at him frightened. ) Curtain. (^Six months pass between Acts II. and III. ) ACT III Scene — Reception- Rooms at No. 56 Park Lane A very handsome dra'wing-7'oom with two arch- ways at back, showing an inner drawing-room, and behind that a conservatory. Between the archways a fire-place, with fire lighted. A door down stage r. The whole brilliantly lighted and handsojnely furnished. Discover Palmer, now the butler. First Footman enters hurriedly through l. archway, with account in his hand. Footman. Here's another pretty go ! The florist has sent round his bill with this here message, if you please. "Master's compli- ments to Mr. Bailey Prothero, and Mr. Bailey Prothero can't have any more flowers unless Mr. Bailey Prothero sends the money for what he's had already." (86) ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 87 Palmer. What did you do? Footman. I tried to cod him. I says, ''What do you mean by your impidence ? " I says, "We're giving a grand reception to-night," I says, ''and we must have the flowers. You go and fetch them this very instant," I says, "and this will be the last time that we shall patronise your establish- ment." Palmer. What did he say? Footman. He laid his finger on the tip of his nose, gave vent to an ironic smile, and carted off the flowers without so much as say- ing a word. Palmer. I tell you what, William Chubb, it's all U. P. with Bailey Prothero. Footman. I'm afraid it is, Mr. Palmer. Palmer Pve seen it coming for months, William, ever since we married, and set up in Park Lane. But I didn't expect the smash would come so sudden as this. Footman. And on the night of our recep- tion, too? Palmer. This reception is a plant, Wil- liam, to throw dust in people's eyes, and keep up the impression that we are flourishing as usual. I heard him talking it over to her on the night of the slump. He says, "We'll give a big night reception, and we'll ask every 88 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi blessed swell we know," he says; '*we must keep the ball rolling," he says. Footman. He is a corker, ain't he ? Has he come in yet ? Palmer. No, not unless he's sneaked in by the back staircase. {Indicating r.) Curi- ous his not coming in to dinner. He'll have to look sharp. {Taking out watch.') He's got to dress yet, and the folks will be coming in half an hour. Footman. Where's she? Palmer {points to door, r. ). In there with her nose glued to the window panes, watch- ing for him. Footman. Hadn't I better take this bill in to her? Palmer. What's the good ? I know she ain't got any, for I heard her greening her milliner this afternoon. Enter fro7n archway Second Footman, with paper in hand. Sec. Foot. Have you seen this? They do let him have it. Palmer {takes paper, looks down, First Footman looking on'). Phew! My eye! That's hot ! Don't they give it to him ! Sec. Foot. Gunter's chaps are talking ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 89 about it downstairs. The}^ say he ain't no better nor a common swindler. {Exit at archway, L, ) Palmer {reading paper). Ho ! Ho ! Ho ! I say ! I say ! William, there will be a big bust up at 56 Park Lane before long. First Foot. What about our wages ? Palmer. Oh, we shall be all right. Bailey Prothero may be the biggest swindler that ever walked the earth, but he does chuck his money about. I will say that for him. It may not be his own, but he does chuck it about. First Foot. When he's got it ; but if he ain't got it, he can't chuck it about. And I begin to think our wages look fishy. Palmer. Think so, William ? {Looks grave and anxious.) First Foot. Nobody paid, can't even raise a tenner. Pve a good mind to Palmer. What? First Foot. Ask for my last month's wages, and if I don't get em, strike, and let myself loose amongst the champagne and Gunter's things. {Exit.) Enter, r., Miss Jenison, now Mrs. Prothero, in handsome evening dress, with Jewels ; her face showing signs of great distress and anxiety. 90 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi Mrs. p. (^eagerly). Hasn't Mr. Prothero returned, Palmer ? Palmer. No, ma'am, he has not. Mrs. p. {anxiously). Where can he be? Where can he be ? Palmer. Ah ! Just so ! Oh, where, and oh, where can he be ? That's what a good many folks would like to know. Mrs. p. {startled by his manner, turns round). Eh? Palmer. Look here, ma'am. I don't want to make myself nasty, if it can be anyways avoided. Pve lived in some of the best and some of the queerest families in London Mrs. p. What has this to do with me ? Palmer. So long as my wages are paid and I'm treated well, I don't inquire into your private characters. You may be as religious and as psalm-singing as you please ; or you may be no better than a set of swindlers — that ain't my business Mrs. p. What am I to understand by this ? Palmer. That there ain't no reception here to-night unless I get my wages first. Mrs. p. Mr. Prothero shall attend to you. Palmer. I hope so, ma'am. I shall want some of his attention. Mrs. p. How dare you, sir ? How dare you? ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 91 Palmer. All right, ma'am ! You're only winding yourself up for nothing. There's all the servants ready to chuck it up and go on the rampage if I only tip 'em the wink. But you square me — there's plenty of things about — you ain't parted with all your jewellery — you square me, and I'll see you through to-night. Mrs. p. Go downstairs, sir! Go down- stairs ! Palmer (^seating himself comfortably in arm- chair). Thank you. This is good enough for me. (^She looks at him, bursts into tears, r.) Palmer {looks at her, suddenly jumps up, comes to her'). I beg your pardon, ma'am. I didn't mean it. You trust to me. I'll keep them in order downstairs. I'll see you through to- night, at any rate. You trust to me. {Exit through l. archway. Prothero, in frockcoat and overcoat, creeps on through archway, r. He is very pale, haggard, disordered, eyes rather wild. Mrs. p. {goes up to him very tenderly). George ! {He takes no notice.) George ! {He laughs.) George! What is it, dear? (Prothero turns round.) Prothero. The game's up, Lizzie ! My 92 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY ACT iii little cherub's tumbled off his perch. I can't raise a sixpence. Mrs. p. What can we do ? Prothero. Whatever you like. Pm good for anything and anywhere. We shall have to make a bolt. What fresh countries would you like to see, eh ? Italy ? Russia ? Aus- tralia ? — or Kingdom-come ? Mrs. p. George, you don't mean that ! Prothero. Why not ! As I drove along the Embankment this afternoon, the water looked rather chilly and very pea-soupy, but otherwise there was no objection to it. Why not, Lizzie ? Why not ? We've had a jolly good time of it together. We've eaten our cake — That reminds "me, — Pve had no dinner. Mrs. p. {rings bell). Dear, you're faint and hungry Prothero. No, not hungry — Pm past that. My tongue's like a bit of dried leather. I haven't had a morsel in my lips since I left home this morning. Enter Palmer. Mrs. p. Lay some dinner for Mr. Prothero in the morning-room. Prothero. No, Palmer, a snack of some- ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 93 thing on a tray. Bring it here, and a bottle of champagne. Sharp ! {^Exit Palmer.) Mrs. p. My poor dear, what have you been doing all day ? Prothero. Racing all over London, trying to raise the wind. What a fool I was not to take your advice and sell out when Lady Clarabut did. What a fool I was ! But every- thing was booming. I could foresee a good many things, why the devil couldn't I foresee this confounded slump, and all the troubles out there ? Why couldn't I, Lizzie ? Mrs. p. Have you been to all of them ? Prothero. Yes. It's no use. My luck's gone, and the beggars know it. Not at home here, not at home there ! Kept waiting an hour at one place, and as good as kicked out at another. Lord Winchendon didn't want to see me, but — he did. My bank put him on his legs. He made thirty thousand pounds out of it, and married his daughter on the strength of it. ''This is most unfortunate, Mr. Prothero, but I always felt that the crash must come." ''Can't you advance me a few thou- sands. Lord Winchendon, just to tide me over this slump?" " Pm very sorry, but, really, agricultural depression has swallowed every available sixpence, really, it has. Pm so sorry. Good evening." "Good evening!" I sent 94 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi him off with a flea in his ear. They're all alike. The men who grovelled to me three months ago won't know me to-day. That dirty little snob, Oberstein — he lickspittled me for a dinner — why, even he cut me! Enter Palmer, ivith a tray of sandwiches and a bottle of champagne. Mrs. p. Now, dear ! come and eat some- thing ! Prothero. What have you got there, Palmer ? Palmer. Sardine sandwich, quails in aspic, and a bottle of the eighty-four champagne. Prothero {takes out purse with notes). By the way. Palmer, Mrs. Prothero and I may be going for a long voyage to-morrow. Palmer. Indeed, sir ! Prothero. In case I should forget it, take these — ten, twenty, thirty — that will about settle all the wages that are due. Pay your- self and the others, and thank them for Mrs. Prothero and me. Palmer. Thank you, sir ! (^Going.') You are aware that it's half-past nine, sir, and the reception is for ten ! Prothero. I shall be ready. Palmer. (^Exit Palmer.) ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 95 Mrs. P. Come, dear ! eat something ! Prothero. Pm not hungry. I can drink, though! (^Drinks; looks round the room.') Pretty room, isn't it ? (^Laughs.) Pretty deco- rations ! By the way, did we ever pay that man's bill? Mrs. p. George, don't you think we'd better postpone the reception ? Prothero. Postpone it ? What for ? We may never get the chance of going to another. I don't fancy many of them will turn up, but I won't disappoint those who do. {Drinking.') I feel better. What a good friend wine is ! Now, let's face the situation ! That little snob, Oberstein, cut me. Mrs. p. Mrs. Oberstein passed me in Bond street yesterday, and wouldn't recognize me. Prothero. We've grown too self-indulgent in these matters, Lizzie. We've become epi- cures in the esteem of our neighbours. Pve known the time when I could have borne the disrespect of all London without flinching. Pve known the time when, if any common, ordinary policeman had cut me dead, I shouldn't have cared a jot. Living in Park Lane has demoralised us, sapped our sturdy native virtue, Lizzie. It's perhaps as well we should be making a move. The question is — where ? You don't fancy Kingdom-come ; 96 THE ROGUE'S CONEDY act hi neither do I, after three glasses of cham- pagne. Mrs. p. George, you're not drinking too much ? Prothero (^elated, a7id steadied by the wine'). Too much ? Not me ! You've known me take a good deal, but did you ever know me take too much ? That's one of the blessings Provi- dence has bestowed upon me — a good stomach and a good brain for my liquor. Look at my hand ! (^Holding out his hand.') It's as steady as a rock. However much I may take, my hand won't shake, and my heart won't quake in the morning. Pm dropping into poetry ! Things are rosier, Lizzie ! You've got all your jewels on? Mrs. p. All that I have left. Prothero. Don't take 'em off. Wear 'em constantly about you, in case of accident ; do you hear ? (^She nods.) Pve realised every- thing I could put my hand on. After all, things aren't so bad, Lizzie ! A year ago to- day we were worth nothing at all ; to-day, with your jewels, and what Pve got here {tapping pocket), we are worth some seven or eight hundred pounds — that is, if we can get clear away with it, which we will. ( Winks at her.) Let us glue ourselves to this fact, Lizzie — we are seven or eight hundred ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 97 pounds better off to-day than we were twelve months ago. Meantime we have had a jolly year, and I'm going to have one more jolly evening before it's all over. Now I must go and dress. Come ! Buck up, old girl ! My little cherub's on his perch again. {Kisses her tenderly.) Buck up ! Buck up ! Let 'em come, I'm ready for 'em ! Exit by R. archway, and off R.) Enter Palmer, l. archway, announcing Mr. Lambert. Enter George. (^Exit Palmer.) George {shaking hands). You'll excuse my coming now. I'm not going to stay. Mrs. p. {disappointed). Not going to stay? George. No, I wish to have a word or two with you alone. I've heard of Mr. Prothero's losses. I came to say how sorry I am for you. Mrs. p. Thank you. George. You were kind to me when I was struggling and unknown. I owe what little success I have won to you. {Her face apart from him shows intense pleasure.) And indirectly I owe it to you that I may gain the dearest hope of my life. Mrs. p. Sir William and Lady Clarabut have accepted you ? 98 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi George. Not absolutely. But they make me welcome, and I feel sure they'll give me Nina, if nothing turns up to show that I'm an undesirable son-in-law. Mrs. p. {shows pain at his last words, then turns to hi7?i). I'm so glad. I wish you happiness with all my heart {shaking hands warmly) — with all my heart. George. You make me very uncom- fortable ? Mrs. p. Why? George. I came to — I scarcely know how to say it — to put you on your guard? You married this man suddenly, knowing almost nothing of him. Mrs. p. Go on. George. Mrs. Prothero, I am on the point of tracing all his former life. At any moment I may be able to prove that he is something worse than an imposter. Mrs. p. What have you learned ? Tell me — please tell me. I can bear it. George. He was connected some years ago with a band of long-firm swindlers. They used many aliases. I don't know which name represents your husband, but one of them does. {She shows great concern.') For- give me. I know what a blow this must be to you. I wouldn't have come at this moment. ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 99 but I thought, now the bank has collapsed and he may be brought to account for that, I thought that if you needed a friend, if it became advisable for you to seek another home for a time Mrs. p. Thank you. Even if what you say is true, I shall never leave him. He is my husband, whatever he is. George. Then I can do nothing for you ? Mrs. p. Yes. You say I've done you a kindness. May I beg this favour of you, that if your suspicions should prove to be correct, you won't press matters against him for the present ? George. I promise you Pll take no measures against him without giving him fair warning. Mrs. p. Thank you ! That's all I ask ! George {takes her ha?id). Good-night, Mrs. Prothero. Pm very sorry for you. Rely on me to do nothing against you. {He kisses her hand. Exit through archway^ l.) Mrs. p. {stretches out her ha?id, after him with a vain, longing gesture three tivies.^ My son ! My son ! My son ! lie-enter Prothero, in evening dress. Prothero. Now, Liz, Pm as right as a trivet again. What's the matter with you ? 100 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi Mrs. p. George has been here ? Prothero. Good. Did you give him a copy of the fifth commandment ? Mrs. p. He says that he's on the point of tracing you out — at any moment he may discover everything Prothero {startled for a mofnent, the?i very calni). Good ! Mrs. p. George, let us get away at once — before Prothero. Not me. Pm going to stay and fight it out. Pve got a game to play yet, Liz — and Pm going to play it. Pve had just enough of Master George. Pve tried to be friends with him. Pve tried to make him love me. But he'll have nothing to do with me. Very well. Pm content. We'll drop the relationship. But don't let him meddle with me now, for if he does PU blow the gaff to Lady Clarabut and knock him to smithereens ! Shush ! Re-e?iter Palmer. Palmer. I beg pardon, sir, — that shabby party that found your diamond stud Prothero. What of him ? Palmer. He's been hanging about the place all the evening, and he says ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 101 Enter Gushing at archway l., dressed in a cheap ready-made grey tweed frock suit, a red satin tie, and a black silk hat, very low in the crown and very wide afid much curled in the brim. CusH. {in altercation with First Footman, who appears). Oh yes, he will; Mr. Bailey Prothero will see his old friend R. C, won't you, Mr. Bailey Prothero ? Prothero. Yes, you blackguard. (^Motions to Palmer and Footman to withdraw. ) CusH. Blackguard, Georgy? Did I under- stand you to use the word '^ blackguard " ? Prothero. Yes, you blackguard. How dare you show your face here, after robbing me and selling me as you've done ? Cush. Robbing you, Georgy. After all your kindness ! Oh, don't think so bad of me, Georgy! Call me a blackguard, and I'll put up with it — if I must. But don't call me a thief ! I borrowed that last two hundred quid. Prothero. You stole it. I sent it to you in strict confidence to apply to a certain purpose. Cush. To the nobbling of sich and sich parties — Well, dear old pal, I applied it to a 102 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi better purpose, viz. to keep myself out of quod. Prothero. Quod ? CusH. I'm wanted in Johannesburg. Prothero. They must be in a bad way out there to want you. What for ? CusH. What for ? That's it, dear old pal — what for ? I dun know ! Gracious good- ness ! Well! There! — with such luck as I've had, I might be wanted for anything, or everything. Prothero. What have you told Sydenham about me ? CusH. Sydenham? You don't sispect me, Georgy, of any hanky-panky with him ? Prothero. I've had a letter from him this morning. I can't understand it unless you've been blabbing my business to him. But he'll be here to-night, and then I shall know. CusH. O, Lord — Gracious goodness — Well ! There ! I ain't told him anything, Georgy, but of course he might have guessed things — for instance as it was you as sent me out there Prothero. You blackguard, you've sold me to him. Be off. CusH. Wait a bit, Georgy. Prothero. Be off. ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 103 CusH. Look here, Georgy, or I should say {turns suddenly vicious^ Mr. George Jackman. {Raising his voice.) If you don't assist me in my troubles, Mr. George Jackman, I shall be compelled to take the first chance, Mr. George Jackman, to inform Prothero. Stop, you fool, unless you want to get yourself five years as well as me. {Goes to archway, looks off, comes back, points R. ) Go in there. Enter Palmer. Palmer. Are you ready to receive visit- ors, sir? Prothero {to Gushing). Go in there. {Pointing R. ) Do you hear ? Go in there ! {Exit Gushing door r. very sulkily.') Prothero {to Palmer). Are the people coming. Palmer ? PaLxMer. Only Sir Thomas Dovergreen. He's talking to Mrs. Prothero at the head of the stairs. Prothero. Palmer, get William and Frank to help you. Take that blackguard {pointing R. ) by the scruff of the neck, pitch him down the back stairs, and kick him along the street ad lib. Palmer. Yes, sir. {Beckons at archway. 104 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi The two Footmen enter. ) This way ; we've got a little job on here. (^Exeunt Palmer, William and Frank door R. Prothero listens, chuckles, listens, opeiis door R., bursts into laughter ; in the middle of it enter Tommy at archway l., ve7'y pale, seedy, and woe-bego?ie.) Prothero {stops laughing, closes door r., looks at Tommy, who stands ift middle of roo^n'). Hillo, what's the matter with you ? Tommy. I'm not well. Ever since the slump everything has disagreed with me. I've lived in druggists' shops the last fortnight. I've taken every pill and pick-me-up there is. {With sudden futile rage.') I tell you this, Mr. Bailey Prothero, I'm in an awful state. Look at my tongue. {Putting out tongue. ) Prothero. Ah ! Appetite not good ? Tommy. Appetite ! {Shouting.) Look here, Mr. Bailey Prothero, you're the cause of all this, you and your confounded bank ! My trustees and my lawyers have been all through my affairs, and I tell you this, my friend, they called you everything except an honest man. Prothero. Did they ? Dear ! Dear ! Tommy. Do you know what I shall have to do ? I shall have to go and live in some ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 105 cheap Continental hole on a hundred and fifty a year for the next seven or eight years. ( Very piteously.) What did you do it for, eh, Bailey? Prothero. It was part of my system. Tommy. To let me in ? Prothero. Certainly. Tommy. What for ? I don't see it ! Why not let somebody else in, and give me a chance of clearing out, eh ? Prothero. I must be allowed to work my system in my own way. Tommy. System ! What system ? Prothero {turning up the sleeve of his dress- coat slightly). You don't see anything up my sleeve ? Tommy. By Jove ! Bailey, what do you mean ? (Prothero winks at hifn very elaborately with both eyes, the?i goes away.) Tommy {following him up). You old devil, what are you up to now ? Prothero. Take a glass of champagne ! ( Pouring it out. ) Tommy. I daren't — I've had two brandy and sodas — I'm off my feed, and champagne doesn't agree with me when I'm off my feed — it flies to my head. Prothero. Ah ! if you've got a weak place it's always getting in the way. Take this ! 106 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi Tommy {drinking). But I say, Bailey, this system of yours ? I don't quite tumble to it. Prothero. Don't you ? Sydenham is let in. I expect him here to-night. Reffell is let in — he'll be here, too. Lord Bicester is let in — I daresay he'll turn up. Lord John would have been let in, but he hadn't a ha'penny to lose! Still I think he'll very likely come. Tommy. Well ? Well ? (Prothero potirs him out another glass ; offers it.) I say — ought I ? Pve got such a buzzing in my head. {Drinking.) This system, dear old boy! Do you think it will work ? Prothero. It is working. Did 3'ou see all the blackguard articles in the evening papers ? Tommy. Yes. Prothero. Well, what did you think of them ? Tommy. Hot. Prothero. Rather ! {Rubs his hands gleefully and winks.) Tommy. You don't mean to say Prothero {nods). All part of the system. Tommy. No, no ! You don't say so ! By Jove, Bailey, it's stupendous ! {Stands looking at Prothero in stupid, half-tipsy amazement. Prothero taps ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 107 his pockets as in second Act. Tommy does same. There is no jingle of coin in either of them. Prothero laughs as in second Act ; Tommy does same. They stand laughing in chorus, Pro- thero grimly and sardonically. ) Tommy (/« a sudden blaze of admiration^. Dear old Bailey! {^Collapses. '^ I've got such a buzzing — I should like to sit down some- where, all alone, and think over system. {Goes cautiously to sofa and sits.) Prothero (loohs off r., calls). Palmer! Enter Palmer and Footman through door r. Prothero. Send a messenger round to the Albany. Say that Sir Thomas has been taken ill, and ask his man to come and fetch him. Palmer. Yes, sir. I beg pardon (^Glancing at Tommy, who is reclining on sofa. ) Prothero. Well ? {^Coming down stage with Palmer.) Palmer {confidentially). We chucked the party out, sir, but as we was giving him a final kick, Mr. Lambert came up Prothero {concerned). Mr. Lambert? Palmer. Yes, sir. He noticed the party coming in as he went out and I suppose he 108 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi waited outside for him. Anyhow he came up when he heard the row and entered into con- versation with him, and they've now gone off together. Prothero. Mr. Lambert and that black- guard ? Palmer. Yes, sir. He did try to get hold of him that afternoon at Mount Street, only I locked him in my pantry. Prothero. All right, Palmer. (^Exit Palmer.) (Prothero stands biting his thumb-nail. Lady Clarabut and Miss Prove appear in other room, which from this time gradually Jills with guests.^ Miss P. I really didn't expect to find any- body here. Lady C. Oh, well, as I've made a fortune out of the man, I felt I must put in an ap- pearance. Tommy {on sofa). Auntie ! (Lady Clarabut appears at archway. Tommy turns face away.) Prothero. Delighted to see you, Lady Clarabut. I congratulate you very heartily on having made such good use of the advice I gave you. Lady C. Yes, I trusted to your inner vi- sion as to the right time of buying. And I ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 109 trusted to my own inner vision as to the right time of seUing. I'm really very much indebted to you. And, by the way — you'll forgive my speaking — I can't help hearing rumours — I hope they're not true. Prothero {taking a rose from the decorations^ fixing it in his button-hole). Rumours ? About me ? Rumours ? Lady C. Haven't you seen the evening papers ? Prothero. Really, I've been too busy. What do they say ? Lady C. Well, to put it plainly — you'll excuse me — they say you're in a mess. Prothero. Ah, those papers ! {Fixing his button-hole with great nonchalance.) They will know one's business. They say I'm in a mess ? They say I'm in a mess, do they ? Dear me ! What will they say next ? {Exit at archway. Lady Clarabut, as- tonished, watches him off, then sees Tommy on the sofa.) Lady C. Tommy — do you hear ? Tommy! (^Shaking him. Tommy turns round on sofa, with affectation of waking fro??i sleep. ) What are you doing here ? Tommy. Short nap, auntie — refresh my- self. Think over Bailey's system. Lady C. System ? 110 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi Tommy. Prothero has colossal system — make all our fortunes Lady C. Nonsense ! Nonsense ! There are some men in possession downstairs now. Tommy. Possibly that is part of system — I say, possibly. Lady C. Ugh, you silly boy ! How ? Tommy {^speaking very slowly and precisely'), I — cannot — go into particulars — because — understand me, dear auntie — I am off my feed — and when I am off my feed, I always feel that I should like some one to sponge my head with cold water, very cold water — the colder the better. Lady C. You wretched boy, what can I do with you ? Enter Palmer. Palmer. If you please, Sir Thomas, your man Peters has come for you. Tommy. Peters? What for? — Palmer. He says you are not well, and he has come Tommy {indignantly). He says that I am not well — (rises, very indignant). By what authority does Peters say that I — {sits down cautiously) am not well ? Lady C. Ask Peters to come up — at once. Tommy. No — tell Peters to wait for me. ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 111 I will discharge Peters. {Motions Palmer off. Exit Palmer.) Lady C. Do you hear — get up! Get up and go away from this house before any one sees you in this state. Tommy. State? {Rises with great dig^iity, mild voice.) Auntie, by what authority do you prescribe rules for my conduct at a moment — when I am off my feed? {Sits down.) Lady C. Because I'm a wise old woman, and you're a foolish young simpleton. Be- cause you are flinging away your health by fast living, and your money by gambling, and Pm determined to save what there is left of the wreck — little as there is of it, and little as it's worth saving. Come, get up. Tommy. No, auntie. You accuse me of gambling at a moment when — {grozvifig iftdig- nanf) — you are covered from head to foot with proceeds of gambling ! You accuse me ! How dare you accuse me ! Lady C. Because I have won and you have lost. Because I have invested my hard- earned winnings in railway bonds and consols for the benefit of my famil}^ Because now I have secured a snug little fortune, I don't intend to risk another farthing as long as I live. If that doesn't give me the right to 112 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi preach against the evils of gambling I should like to know what does. Tommy {shakes his head^. Auntie, I will con- tent myself with simple remark that you are a downy old humbug, and whited sepulchre ! {Shakes his head at her sorrowfully.') Whited sepulchre ! Whited sepulchre ! Lady C. {goes to archway, calls off). Pal- mer ! (Palmer appears.) Is there a back staircase so that we can get him away with- out his being seen ? (Tommy rises indignantly.) Palmer. Yes, my lady — {Points off r. ) Tommy {with solemn i?idignatio7i). Back staircase? Back staircase! {Solemnly.) Pal- mer, are you any party to a back stair- case ? Palmer. No, Sir Thomas. Tommy. Is Peters any party to back stair- case ? Palmer. No, Sir Thomas. But don't you think as you aren't well you might as well toddle off — that way? (Tommy looks very indignantly at Palmer, motions him away.) Tommy. Tell Peters to wait for me at front door and prepare cold bath for back of my head. {Exit Palmer.) Tommy {glaring at Lady C). Back stair- ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 113 case ! Back staircase ! Downy old humbug ! Whited sepulchre ! Back staircase ! (^He makes an exit at archway r., with great tipsy dignity, bows very politely to all the guests, is then seen to pass the other archway, bows politely, then finally pulling himself together with great dignity, he goes off l., Lady Clarabut watching. Lady Clara- BUT joins Guests.) Prothero enters at archway r., thoughtful, anx- ious ; stands a tnoment or two deliberating, as if arranging his plans. Enter l. archway, Lord John. Prothero' s features instantly change into a look of wel- come. Prothero {cordially). Ah, Lord John ? Lord John. One moment, my dear sir, will you oblige me by telling me whether the — dammy — game is over, or no? Prothero. Over ? On the contrary. Lord John, the game is just going to begin. Lord John. Oh ! {Still detaining him.) Then will you further tell me what your next move is ? Prothero. My next move ? hum ! My 114 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi next move will be a very striking one, Lord John. Lord John. Oh ! do I stand in ? Prothero. Well, if you'd like to join me Lord John. I should ! Dammy ! I should ! Prothero. You do stand in. Lord John, you do ! Reffell and Pinniger have entered at archway. Prothero. Ah, here is our friend Reffell ! And Pinniger ! (^Advances to meet them very cordially. They have entered very slowly and stiffly J and in evident bad temper.^ Prothero. How do, Reffell ? Mrs. Reffell is with you, I hope ? Reffell {^stiffly and sulkily^. Mrs. Reffell is in the next room. But that is of no impor- tance. Prothero. Oh, don't say that ! Don't say that ! Enter Hubbock and Chester, both looking very grave. Prothero {gaily). Ah, Hubbock ! Ches- ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 115 ter ! ( They shake hands reluctantly. ) You seem upset, Hubbock. HuBBOCK. I am upset. I have never in the whole course of my life been so much upset. Prothero. Family troubles? Hubbock {indignantly^. No, sir. The Marquis of Bicester is shown in at archway by Palmer. Lord B. (Jias a halfpenny evening paper in his hand'). I must see Mr. Prothero at once. Palmer. This way, my Lord. {Announces.') Lord Bicester. Lord B. I wish to speak to you, Mr. Prothero Prothero {glancing into other room). Draw the curtains. Palmer. (Palmer draws the curtai?ts over the archway and exit.) Prothero. My dear Lord Bicester, I knew that you would come. {Offers hand.) Lord B. {stiffly). Excuse me, Mr. Pro- thero, I have not. Prothero. Excuse me. Lord Bicester, you are here. Lord B. In one sense I am here. But in the sense of coming to a party, I am not here. 116 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act iir (^Looking round to all. ) I wish that to be dis- tinctly understood. I have come at the earli- est moment to vindicate my character. Mr. Hubbock, Mr. Reffell, you will bear me wit- ness that I distinctly required from Mr. Pro- thero the most positive assurances that the — a — thing was all right. Hubbock. Certainly. Reffell. Yes, Lord Bicester, you did. Lord B. Now, I find that the thing is not all right. So far is it from being all right that I have lost fifteen thousand pounds. And what is much worse, I find myself attacked in the papers. Prothero. Do you consider that worse than losing fifteen thousand pounds, Lord Bicester ? Lord B. Don't you think, sir, that a man's public honour is worth more than fif- teen thousand pounds ? Prothero (^very coolly, back to fire). Well. I would not sell mine for that sum. Still, we must all allow there are occasions, eh? — when — a sum of fifteen thousand pounds — eh? Lord B. Read that. {^Giving him the paperS) Prothero. But this is a Radical paper. Is it worth while taking any notice of what Radical papers say. Lord Bicester ? Lord B. I regret to say that the abuse of ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 117 myself is not confined to the organs of my political opponents. I read in a most respect- able Conservative journal some exceedingly severe comments which seemed to point towards myself — at least, so I took them. Please to read that ! Prothero {reading). ''When we find amongst this crew — " {looks round') this crew — ''a well-known hack company promoter whose every flotation is an act of organised brigandage " Hubbock, my boy, that seems to point towards you — at least, so I take it. Hubbock. I shall bring an action. Prothero. I would ! I would. {Continu- ing.) ''When we also find the worthless per- sonalities, attached to titles, of a foolish young man about town" — Where is our friend Tommy? Oh, he is taking a cold bath — "a foolish young man about town — and a dis- reputable old man about town " Lord John. That's me ! That's me ! Prothero {continuing). "Whose life is a perfect pattern of what every decent man should avoid" — Lord John, I should say that is distinctly libellous. Lord John. Yes — a — the greater the truth — dammy — the greater the libel. Perfect pat- tern — {whistle) — perfect pattern ! 118 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi Lord B. (^ste7'nly). Go on, sir, go on. Prothero. One moment, Lord Bicester — I won't leave you out in the cold. ''We are not surprised. But we do express our aston- ishment when we also find the name of a well- known member of the Stock Exchange. We ask whether that body has lost all sense of financial honour, or whether the self-respect- ing members of it will not instantly demand an inquiry into the conduct of " (^Breaks off.) Reffell, dear friend, that seems to point towards you — at least so I take it. Reffell. It's infamous. Prothero. It is. Lord B. Go on, sir ! Go on ! If you please {Sternly. ) Prothero. I'm coming to you. Lord Bices- ter. {Reads.) "And what shall we say when we also find in this disreputable company {looking round) the head of one of our oldest families " Lord B. Ah ! Prothero. "What idea can we gain, either of the intelligence " Lord B. Ah! Prothero. '' The patriotism " Lord B. Ah! Prothero. ''Or the honesty of our heredi- tary legislators." — You're right, Lord Bi- ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 119 cester, that does seem to point to you — at least, so I take it. Lord B. And I was most particular in my inquiries that the — a — thing was all right! Prothero. You were. {Reading.^ ''But foolish, negligent, greedy, and incapable as all the members of this precious gang" — {looking round^ this precious gang — ''may have been in varying degrees, they seem to have been the mere puppets of this — of this" — the writer then goes on to make a few remarks which seem to point towards myself — at least, so I take it. Lord B. Well? Reffell. Well? HuBBocK. Well? Prothero. Well? {Gives the paper to Lord John, who takes it and reads.') Enter Sydenham, very angrily ; comes up to Prothero. Syd. Mr. Bailey Prothero ! Prothero. How d'ye do. {Offering hafid.) Syd. {angrily). No, sir. Prothero. Here's another gentleman who hasn't come to our party. Syd. I want an explanation from you. 120 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi Prothero. Here's another gentleman who wants an explanation. Syd. I noticed a very vulgar, over-dressed person following me all through my travels in the Cape and the Transvaal. Prothero. Indeed ! Syd. On my landing, yesterday, the man borrowed a five-pound note from me on the strength of the information that you set him to spy upon me. Prothero. Quite right. I did. Syd. You did? You own it? Prothero. Well, what's the use of deny- ing it? Syd. (very indignantly). May I ask you why you set that man to spy upon me ? Prothero. Because I thought it judicious, my dear Sydenham, to act upon the principle which you taught me in our transactions with our friend Reffell. Syd. The principle I taught you ? Prothero. Yes, the principle of invariably setting one honest man to look after another honest man. (^Murmurs of <■ <■ Oh ! Oh f) Lord B. Mr. Prothero, it is useless to pre- varicate any further Prothero. Prevaricate, Lord Bicester ! I don't intend to prevaricate, I assure you ! I intend to be quite plain with all of you. ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 121 Syd. I think it's time. Here we are with our money lost, our characters blown upon, our futures ruined Prothero. Quite true ! Quite true ! Syd. The whole press of the country calling us common swindlers and rogues ! Prothero. Quite true ! Quite true ! Syd. Well, sir, what have you to say ? Prothero. The first thing that strikes me, my dear Sydenham, is that we are all in the swim together. Syd. Well ? Prothero. That being so, I fancy you had better all of you try to keep me afloat, instead of trying to drown me. Syd. Drown you ! Prothero. Isn't that what you are all try- ing to do ? But understand me quite plainly, we all sink or swim together. I don't know exactly how we stand with regard to the law. Thank God, it's rather vague in company cases, and with care we may manage to wriggle out without a stain on our characters or our con- sciences. But it's doubtful. A good deal will depend upon our reputations. Lord B. I must insist upon some one vin- dicating my reputation. Prothero. Certainly, Lord Bicester ! I'll vindicate it myself. And you shall vindicate 122 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ill mine. We will all vindicate each other, and if any of you think that you're going to sink me and swim yourselves, I will beg you to correct that idea at once. You have stuck to me in the past, I will not desert you in the future. My arm is round all your necks, and if I go down, you all go down with me, I assure you. Is there any gentleman requires any further expla- nation? No? Then we will enjoy ourselves. Reff. But, Prothero — this is all very well, you know, but Prothero. Well ? Reff. We must offer some explanation to the public, and to our shareholders. Prothero. We will, my dear Reffell, we will. You call a general meeting, and I will offer a full explanation of everything to every- body. You leave the explaining business to me. And now I hope we shall settle down to a pleas- ant social evening. Mrs. Prothero cotnes in through the archway, half drawing aside curtai7is Mrs. p. Mr. Lambert is in the next room. He wishes to speak to you privately. Prothero. Ask Mr. Lambert to please wait. When I have finished with my friends I will attend to him. ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 123 Mrs. p. It's urgent — very urgent. George enters at archway. Prothero. Well? George. Mr. Prothero, I want a few words with you. Prothero. As many as you please, sir. George. Before these gentlemen ? Prothero. Why not ? George. You wish me to speak out ? Prothero. Yes ! yes ! George. Take care ! It's at your cost if I do. Prothero. No, sir ! It's at your cost if you do. Speak out ! Mrs. p. No. You will see Mr. Lambert alone — if you please — {to Hubbock and the others J getting them off ^. (71? Prothero.) Yes, dear Prothero. Gentlemen, I'll join you in a few minutes. Lord John, you'll find some excellent cigars in the smoking-room. Lord Bicester, you won't be going ? Lord B. Well, if I could be quite sure that my character {Exeunt all the men except Prothero and George. Mrs. Prothero goes off last, looks at the two men, and draws the curtains on them.) 124 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi Prothero. Now, sir. George. Now, Mr. George Jackman Prothero. Jackman ! George. That is your name. I told you I should continue my inquiries till I did learn who and what you were. I found reason to connect you with a party of long-firm swin- dlers, but you were so slippery that I couldn't tell which of those gentlemen you were. To- night I took a friend of yours to my rooms, and with the help of a sovereign, two glasses of whiskey, and a few leading questions, I managed to identify him as Robert Gushing, and you as George Jackman. Mrs. Prothero enters, comes down to them arixiously. George. I also learned from Gushing — that — {turns to her) forgive me for saying it — that you have been this man's wife and accomplice for man}^ years. Mrs. P. You know — that I — {shows great shame). Oh ! {Turfis away. A pause.) Prothero. What else do you know ? George. I don't want to know any more. For her sake, if you care for her, don't force me to go any further. Pm not obliged to pursue my inquiries. Pm not obliged to learn ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 125 whether you have any debt to pay to your country. Prothero. Well, then, why the devil don't you leave us alone, and go your own way ? George. Because I must satisfy myself about my birth and my people. I believe you can tell me. Prothero. I can ! George. Answer me a few questions truth- fully, and I promise you I'll let the whole matter drop so far as you and she are con- cerned. Lady Clarabut eiiiers at archway. Lady C. Oh, I beg pardon. You are en- gaged. George. No — no — at least — Is Sir Will- iam there ? Lady C. Yes. George. I think you have both a right to be here. Will you ask him to come this way ? (Lady Clarabut beckons at archway.^ George. For your wife's sake — I want to spare her Prothero. You don't want to spare me ? George. Why should I ? You are nothing to me. 126 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY ACT ill Enter Sir William, comes down stage with Lady Clarabut. George. Sir William — Lady Clarabut, if you give me your daughter, I wish you to be sure that nothing will arise in the future to make you regret it. If there is anything to be known, I'd rather you knew it at once. Lady C. You're a dear good fellow. I'm sure you love Nina too much to wish us to sac- rifice her. George. Yes, yes — but (71? Prothe- RO.) Now, will you answer my questions ? Prothero. Yes ! Mrs. p. (^aside). George ! You won't — you won't Prothero {aside). Leave me alone. Leave me alone. {To George.) Go on, sir. George. My father ? Who was he ? Prothero. Your father ? {Mute appeal from Mrs. Prothero.) Your father? Well, he was a very old friend of mine George. In your line of Prothero. Of business? Well — he was a dear good fellow ! George. Where is he ? Prothero. Dead. George. Dead ? Prothero. Yes, died on a voyage to ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 127 Australia. Poor Jack Burton ! I was very much attached to him. That's the reason I took so much interest in you. I went to Gravesend to see him off — I can see him on the landing-stage. When we shook hands for the last time he gave me this ring — (^point- ing to ring on tvatch- chain). I've worn it ever since. George. My mother? Prothero. Oh, she had been dead a good many years before that. I never knew her. A very good woman I believe — much too good for him. You needn't be ashamed of her memory. She had nothing to do with our — profession. George. My father — was there anything against him ? Prothero. Well — there were a few things. But he was a dear good fellow — why rake them up ? Why not let them rest with him at the bottom of the ocean ? Poor Jack ! — one of the best and honestest fellows that ever breathed. George. Honest ! Prothero. According to his lights. Lady C. But are you sure, Mr. Prothero, that this Burton left no trace, nothing that could be used against Mr. Lambert in his future career ? Prothero. Quite. The man's dead. There's an end of him. 128 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi George. Lady Clarabut — Sir William, are you satisfied ? Sir W. Quite, eh, Margaret ? Lady C. Quite. So very kind and consid- erate of such a father to die. Prothero. It was very obliging of him, wasn't it ? George. Thank you, Mr. — Prothero. I'll keep my word to you. But if I may advise you, I have Mr. Gushing in my rooms, he is safely locked there for the present with a bottle of whiskey. In kindness to you I'll keep him there for the night. Prothero. Why ? George. From some hints that he dropped over his whiskey I think 3^ou will be well ad- vised to leave the country before he gets loose. Prothero. Leave the country ! Mrs. p. Yes, George ; yes, it will be best. I'm sure ; yes, dear. George. You'll be able to catch the mid- night mail to Liverpool ; and the White Star boat sails to-morrow. Prothero. Midnight mail ? But my guests? If I go, what is to become of them ? Will you be kind enough to entertain them ? Lady C. Well We won't mention your departure. Prothero (goes up to curtain, calls'). Palmer. ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 129 Palmer {enters). Yes, sir. (Prothero whispers instructions to Palmer.) Palmer. Yes, sir. {Exit.) George. Mrs. Prothero, you intend to share your husband's fortunes ? Mrs. p. Oh, yes. George. I can be of no further service to you ? Mrs. p. No, thank you, none. Prothero. Your cloak's in there, Liz. Mrs. p. Yes. {He gives her a sign.) {Exit Mrs. Prothero, r.) Prothero. I rely on you to entertain my guests. Lady Clarabut, after my depar- ture. Lady C. Oh, certainly ; and as I am very much indebted to you, remember I shall be glad if I can be of any service to you — on the other side of the world. Prothero. Thank you. {To George.) Your father wasn't a bad sort of a fellow — you'd like his ring ? George. Yes, I should. (Prothero gives ring.) Prothero. You'll shake hands with his old friend ? (George draws back. Prothero shows pain. ) 130 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi Re-enter Mrs. Prothero, cloaked over her evening dress. Mrs. p. I'm ready, George. Re-enter Palmer with Prothero' s hat and coat. Palmer {helping on'). The hansom's wait- ing, sir. Prothero. At the back door ? Palmer. Yes, sir. Everything is ready. Prothero. Thank you, Palmer. {Exit Palmer.) Enter Nina through curtains. Nina. Mamma — what is it? What's the matter ? Lady C. Matter? Nothing, my dear — except that we've given our consent to your marriage with Mr. Lambert. Prothero. Good-bye, Sir William. Good- bye, Lady Clarabut. {Holds out hand to George.) You'll shake hands with an old friend of your father's ? What does it mat- ter — you'll never see me again! (George shakes hands. Prothero shakes hands cordially. ) ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 131 Prothero. God bless you ! (Mrs. Pro- THERO breaks down. Prothero goes to her.") Buck up, old girl ! Buck up ! {Exeunt Prothero and Mrs. Prothero. George gives his arm to Nina. Cur- tains are drawn asunder, discover re- ception in full swing. Guests enter and talk. Buzz, buzz, buzz of conver- sation. Band strikes up a lively tune. ) Curtain. JAN 3 1901 Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process. Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide Treatnnent Date: April 2009 PreservationTechnologies A WORLD LEADER IN COLLECTIONS PRESERVATION 111 Thomson Park Drive r.ranheriv TownshiD. PA 1 6066 LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 014 525 236 2 ,^4^5 -■ --.'i^^ ••i?^4,^