PRICE FIFTEEN CENTS. 
 
 Dick's Speeches 
 
 FOR 
 
 Tiny Tots 
 
 NEW YORK 
 DICK & FITZGERALD 
 
DICK'S 
 
 SPEECHES FOR TINY TOTS 
 
 CONTAINING 
 
 A SELECTION OF PIECES SPECIALLY ADAPTED FOR 
 QUITE YOUNG AND VERY SMALL CHILDREN. 
 
 <T 
 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 DICK & FITZGERALD, 
 
 l8 ANN STREET 
 

 Copyright, 1895, 
 By Dick & Fitzgerald. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 All Things 10 
 
 April Fool, An 81 
 
 Baby's Soliloquy 76 
 
 Bedtime Fancies 54 
 
 Bees 63 
 
 Boy's Apology, A 46 
 
 Boy's Mother, A 38 
 
 Boy's Sermon, The 74 
 
 Church Spider, The 82 
 
 Complaint, A 23 
 
 Cow, The 85 
 
 Cup of Tea, A 36 
 
 December 26 
 
 Dolly's Broken Arm 35 
 
 Dreamer, The 55 
 
 Epilogues 25, 56 
 
 Escaping a Shower 58 
 
 Flo's Letter . . .* 11 
 
 Four Seasons, The 86 
 
 3 
 
4 CONTENTS. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Girl's Essay on Boys, A 38 
 
 Gqlden Key, The 33 
 
 Good-Morning, Merry Sunshine 78 
 
 Grandma k 30 
 
 Grandpa's Way 57 
 
 " Gran'ma Al'a's Does " 44 
 
 Grumble Corner 21 
 
 His Profession 16 
 
 Housekeeper's Troubles, A 40 
 
 Indignant Scholar, An 27 
 
 Land of Make-Believe 62 
 
 Little Boy's Plea, A 41 
 
 Little Boy's Valentine, A 39 
 
 Little Feller, A 28 
 
 Little Helpers 88 
 
 Little Midget 71 
 
 Little Things 18 
 
 Little Tomtit, The 37 
 
 Little Willie Ware 43 
 
 Making B'lieve 69 
 
 Margaret's Broken Slate 15 
 
 May 15 
 
 Message of the Seasons, The 71 
 
 Mice 85 
 
 My Doggie 43 
 
 My Shadow 77 
 
 Ninetieth Psalm . 34 
 
 Not George Washington 20 
 
 October's Party 80 
 
CONTENTS. 5 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Our Flag 14 
 
 Our Future Work 47 
 
 Over the Bare Hills 19 
 
 Owl and the Pussy-Cat, The 52 
 
 Piccaninny Lullaby 12 
 
 " Please, Preacher-Man, Can I Go Home?" 36 
 
 Prologues 7, 68 
 
 Quarrelsome Kittens, The 31 
 
 Raindrops, The 13 
 
 Ring, Happy Bells 81 
 
 Robin Redbreast's Secret 8 
 
 Robin's New Year 32 
 
 September 84 
 
 Sermon in Rhyme, A 89 
 
 Summer Song 59 
 
 Thanksgiving Street 21 
 
 Tiny Boy's Speech, A 42 
 
 Valedictory 70 
 
 Washington's Birthday 64 
 
 Welcome 29 
 
 What I Know 46 
 
 What She Said 8 
 
 What to Drink 79 
 
 When I'm a Man 60 
 
 Which is Best ? 65 
 
 Who Bides His Time 56 
 
 \ 
 
DICK'S SPEECHES 
 
 FOR 
 
 TINY TOTS. 
 
 PROLOGUE. 
 
 FOR A TINY TOT. 
 
 I am only a little child, and I am afraid I cannot 
 speak loud enough to make you all hear me — it is so 
 hard to talk to so many people. 
 
 They say little children should be seen and not 
 heard ; but that does not mean smart little ones like 
 me, 
 
 I know you are all nice, kind people, or else you 
 would not have come to hear as well as see us to- 
 night, and we thank you all very much for coming. 
 How do you like my little speech ? 
 
DICK S SPEECHES 
 
 ROBIN REDBREAST'S SECRET. 
 
 I have a secret I would like 
 
 The little girls to know ; 
 But I won't tell a single boy — 
 
 They rob the poor birds so. 
 We have four pretty little nests ; 
 
 We watch them with great care ; 
 Full fifty eggs are in this tree — 
 
 Don't tell the boys they're there. 
 
 Joe Thompson robbed the nest last year, 
 
 And year before, Tom Brown ; 
 I'll tell it loud as I can sing 
 
 To every one in town. 
 Swallow and sparrow, lark and thrush, 
 
 Will tell you just the same ; 
 To make us all so sorrowful, 
 
 It is a wicked shame. 
 
 WHAT SHE SAID. 
 
 She tole me sumfin defful ! 
 
 It almost made me cry ! 
 I never will b'lieve it — 
 
 It mus* be all a lie ! — 
 I mean, she mus' be 'staken. 
 
 I know she b'oke my heart ; 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 
 
 I never can forgive her, 
 That horrid Maggie Start ! 
 
 Tuesdays she does her bakin's ; 
 
 An' so I fought, you see, 
 Td make some fimble cookies 
 
 For Arabella's tea. 
 An' so I took my dollies 
 
 An' set 'em in a row, 
 Where they could oversee me 
 
 When I mixed up my dough. 
 
 An' when I'd wolled an' mixed it 
 
 Free minutes or an hour, 
 Somehow I dwopped my woller, 
 
 An' spilt a lot of flour. 
 An' I was deflul firsty, 
 
 An' fought I'd help myself 
 To jes' a little dwop of milk 
 
 Off from the pantry shelf. 
 
 So I weached up on tiptoe ; 
 
 But, quicker than a flash, 
 The horrid pan turned over, 
 
 An' down it came, kersplash ! 
 Oh, then you should have seen her 
 
 Rush frough that pantry door ! 
 " An' this is where you be ! " she said ; 
 
 " Oh, what a lookin' floor ! 
 
io dick's speeches 
 
 " You an' your dolls — I'll shake you all ; 
 
 I'll shake you black 'n' blue ! " 
 " You shall not touch us, miss," I cried ; 
 
 " We're jest as good as you ! 
 An' I will tell my mofer 
 
 The minute she gets home ; 
 An' I will tell ole Santa Claus, 
 
 An' I'll tell every one." 
 
 Oh, then you should have heard her laugh ! 
 
 " Tell Santa Claus, indeed ! 
 I'd like to have you find him first — 
 
 The humbug never lived ! " 
 " What do you mean, you Maggie Start ? 
 
 Is dear old Santa dead ? " 
 " Old Santa never lived" she cried — 
 
 And that is what she said. 
 
 ALL THINGS. 
 
 All things bright and beautiful, 
 All things great and small, 
 
 All things wise and wonderful — 
 Our Father made them all. 
 
 Each little flower that opens, 
 Each little bird that sings — 
 
 He made their lovely colors, 
 He made their tiny wings. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. II 
 
 He gave us eyes to see them, 
 And lips that we might tell 
 
 How good is God our Father, 
 Who doeth all things well. 
 
 FLO'S LETTER. 
 
 A sweet little baby brother 
 Had come to live with Flo; 
 
 And she wanted it brought to the table, 
 Where it might eat and grow. 
 
 " It must wait awhile," said grandma, 
 
 In answer to her plea, 
 " For a little thing that hasn't teeth 
 
 Can't eat like you and me." 
 
 "Why! hasn't it got teeth, grandma ? " 
 Asked Flo, in great surprise ; 
 
 " Oh my ! but isn't it funny — 
 No teeth, but nose and eyes! 
 
 " I guess " — after thinking gravely — 
 " They must have been forgot ; 
 
 Can't we buy him some like grandpa ? 
 I'd like to know why not ? " 
 
 That afternoon in the corner, 
 
 With paper, pen, and ink, 
 Went Flo, saying, " Don't talk to me ; 
 
 If you do, you'll 'sturb my think. 
 
12 DICKS SPEECHES 
 
 " I am writing a letter, grandma, 
 
 To send away to-night ; 
 And 'cause it's very 'portant, 
 
 I want to get it right." 
 
 At last the letter was finished — 
 A wonderful thing to see, 
 
 And directed to " God in heaven." 
 " Please read it over to me," 
 
 Said little Flo to her grandma, 
 " To see if it's right, you know." 
 
 And here is the letter written 
 To God by little Flo : 
 
 " Dear God! the baby you brought us 
 Is awful nice and sweet ; 
 
 But because you forgot his toofies 
 The poor little thing can't eat. 
 
 " That's why I am writing this letter 
 A purpose to let you know ; 
 
 Please come and finish the baby. 
 That's all, from little Flo." 
 
 PICCANINNY LULLABY. 
 
 I see a gray coon in de corn ; 
 
 Sleep, baby, sleep. 
 I heah de mastah blow his horn ; 
 
 Sleep, baby, sleep. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 1 3 
 
 I see a niggah at de gray coon shoot, 
 I heah de echo of de ole horn's toot, 
 An' I heah an owl in de wild-wood hoot ; • 
 Sleep, baby, sleep. 
 
 A 'gator's gruntin' in de ole bayou — 
 
 Sleep, baby, sleep — 
 At a fat pig crawflshin' in de flue ; 
 
 Sleep, baby, sleep. 
 His teeth am big an' wide an' white, 
 An' he am chucklin' at de great big bite 
 He's gwine to hab outen dat pig to-nite ; 
 
 Sleep, baby, sleep. 
 
 I heah de wild geese flyin' by ; 
 
 Sleep, baby, sleep. 
 De air am ringin' wid dere cry ; 
 
 Sleep, baby, sleep. 
 It's gwine to be cole, but you am snug 
 As de hoppin' lizard an' de little June-bug, 
 So I'll leabe you now wid a good-nite hug ; 
 
 Sleep, baby, sleep. 
 
 THE RAINDROPS. 
 
 " I'm going down to cheer a flower," 
 Cried a little drop of rain ; 
 
 " I hear it sigh ; it droops its head, 
 As if in weary pain ! " 
 
14 DICKS SPEECHES 
 
 " And I will go I " " And I ! " " And I ! " 
 
 Cried all the raindrops near ; 
 So down they went in merry haste 
 
 The whole wide field to cheer. 
 
 The drooping flowers looked up and smiled ; 
 
 The whole wide field was glad — 
 Fresh water-cups for thirsty lips 
 
 Each happy flower had. 
 
 And when the sun came shining out, 
 
 The raindrops in his face 
 Sparkled and laughed, till, radiantly, 
 
 A rainbow arched the place ! 
 
 OUR FLAG. 
 
 Shout for the banner bright 
 Unfurling in the light — 
 
 Our country's flag. 
 Shout till each rugged hill, 
 Each valley, low and still, 
 Shall echo — Lord, we will 
 
 Protect our flag. 
 
 Weep for the flag once borne 
 Through blood and shame, and torn- 
 Our noble flag ! 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 1 5 
 
 God, for these glorious days 
 Of peace receive our praise ; 
 Blest Guide of all our ways, 
 Protect our flag. 
 
 MAY. 
 
 Pretty little violets, waking from your sleep, 
 Fragrant little blossoms, just about to peep, 
 Would you know the reason all the world is gay ? 
 Listen to the bobolink telling you 'tis May. 
 
 Little ferns and grasses, all so green and bright, 
 Purple clover nodding, daisies fresh and white, 
 Would you know the reason all the world is gay ? 
 Listen to the bobolink telling you 'tis May. 
 
 Darling little warblers, coming in the spring, 
 Would you know the reason that you love to sing? 
 Hear the merry children shouting as they play, 
 " Listen to the bobolink telling us 'tis May ! " 
 
 MARGARET'S BROKEN SLATE. 
 
 I've b'oken my slate! 
 
 Oh ! what s'all I do? 
 Papa's thus b'ot it, 
 
 So p'etty and new! 
 
1 6 dick's speeches 
 
 And me could draw ho'ses 
 And w'ite, when me try ; 
 
 But now slate is b'oken, 
 So des I will ky. 
 
 Oh no, I won't neder — 
 I 'member one day 
 
 I hurted my fin'er 
 While I was at play ; 
 
 And mama took sumfin — 
 'Twas arn'ca, I tink — 
 
 And den my poor fin'er 
 Was cured in a wink. 
 
 So I'll wun to mama, 
 And take her my slate, 
 
 To give it some arn'ca 
 Before it's too late. 
 
 HIS PROFESSION. 
 
 My boy and I rode in the train, 
 One morning bright and clear ; 
 
 " When I'm a grown-up man," said he, 
 " I'll be an engineer! " 
 
 But soon the dust flew in his eyes. 
 And heavy grew his head ; 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. I 7 
 
 " I wouldn't be an engineer 
 For all the world ! " he said. 
 
 My boy was at a seaport town, 
 
 And saw the rolling sea ; 
 " Mama," he said, one evening, 
 
 " A sailor I shall be!" 
 We took him to a yacht-race — 
 
 He had to go to bed ! 
 " I wouldn't be a sailor now 
 
 For all the world ! " he said. 
 
 We read him stirring stories 
 
 Of soldiers and their fame ; 
 " I'll go and fight," cried Freddie, 
 
 " And put them all to shame ! " 
 We told him of a soldier's life ; 
 
 He shook his little head ; 
 " I wouldn't be a soldier now 
 
 For all the world ! " he said. 
 
 And thus to each profession 
 
 He first said " yes," then "no." 
 " To make a choice is hard," he said ; 
 
 "At least, /find it so." 
 " But what, then, will you be," I asked, 
 
 " When you are grown up, Fred ? " 
 " I really think I'll only be 
 
 A gentleman," he said. 
 
DICK'S SPEECHES 
 
 LITTLE THINGS. 
 
 MOTION SONG. 
 
 We are leaflets, growing, growing ; 
 
 Here's a cloud and there's the sun. 
 Now the rain is soaking, soaking ; 
 
 We are dripping, every one. 
 
 [Chorus.) 
 
 But we grow, we grow, we grow, 
 Yes, we all are growing. 
 
 [Chorus repeated after each stanza.) 
 
 We are flowers, growing, growing, 
 Dancing when the wind comes by, 
 
 Turning as the sunlight circles, 
 
 Drooping heads when night is nigh. 
 
 We are cotton, growing, growing, 
 
 Golden flowers glittering ; 
 Some day great white bolls shall open 
 
 For the angels' harvesting. 
 
 We are nestlings, growing, growing, 
 Open beak and fluttering wing ; 
 
 Now we need a mother's tending, 
 Some day in the sky we'll sing. 
 
 We are seedling acorns, pushing 
 
 Warm leaves from the brown, soft sand ; 
 
 Wide and far and high and leafy, 
 
 Great oak-trees some day we'll stand. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 1 9 
 
 We are little raindrops, dripping, 
 Dropping, falling from the cloud ; 
 
 Some day in the thunderous ocean 
 You shall hear our voices loud. 
 
 We are infant scholars, saying 
 
 A by B and B by C ; 
 Some day we'll be saints in heaven, 
 
 Learning God's great mystery. 
 
 OVER THE BARE HILLS. 
 
 Over the bare hills, far away, 
 Somebody's traveling day by day ; 
 Coming so slowly — I wonder why ! 
 Oh, she is busy as she goes by. 
 
 " Sing, little brook ; wake up and hear ! 
 Where is the song that you learned last year ? 
 Don't you remember the dear old tune ? 
 Naughty small brook, to forget so soon ! 
 
 " Dainty wee clouds in the bright blue sky, 
 Last year I taught you to float so high ! 
 Flowers, where are you ? Why don't you blow ? 
 Come, Dandelion, you can, you know. 
 
 " Spring up, tall grasses and daisies and clover ; 
 Last year I taught you how, over and over ; 
 Come with me, every one — this is the way ; 
 Don't you remember me ? Why, I am May." 
 
20 dick's SPEECHES 
 
 NOT GEORGE WASHINGTON. 
 
 I saw him standing in the crowd, 
 
 A comely youth and fair ; 
 There was a brightness in his eye, 
 
 A glory in his hair ! 
 I saw his comrades gaze on him — 
 
 His comrades standing by ; 
 I heard them whisper each to each, 
 
 "He never told a lie!" 
 
 I thought of questions very hard 
 
 For boys to answer right — 
 " How did you tear those pantaloons ? " 
 
 " My son, what caused the fight ? " 
 " Who left the gate ajar last night ? " 
 
 " Who bit the pumpkin pie ? " 
 What boy could answer all of these 
 
 And never tell a lie ? 
 
 I proudly took him by the hand — 
 
 My words with praise were rife ; 
 I blessed that boy who never told 
 
 A falsehood in his life ; 
 I told him I was proud of him. 
 
 A fellow standing by 
 Informed me that that boy was dumb 
 
 W T ho never told a lie. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 21 
 
 GRUMBLE CORNER AND THANKSGIVING 
 STREET, 
 
 I knew a man whose name was Horner, 
 Who used to live on Grumble Corner — 
 Grumble Corner, in Cross Patch Town — 
 And was never seen without a frown. 
 He grumbled at this, he grumbled at that ; 
 He growled at the dog, he growled at the cat ; 
 He grumbled at morning, he grumbled at night ; 
 And to grumble and growl were his chief delight. 
 
 He grumbled so much at his wife that she 
 
 Began to grumble as well as he ; 
 
 And all the children, wherever they went, 
 
 Reflected their parents' discontent. 
 
 If the sky was dark and betokened rain, 
 
 Then Mr. Horner was sure to complain ; 
 
 And if there was never a cloud about, 
 
 He'd grumble because of a threatened drought. 
 
 His meals were never to suit his taste ; 
 He grumbled at having to eat in haste ; 
 The bread was poor, or the meat was tough, 
 Or else he hadn't had half enough. 
 No matter how hard his wife might try 
 To please her husband, with scornful eye 
 He'd look around, and then, with a scowl 
 At something or other, begin to growl. 
 
2 2 DICKS SPEECHES 
 
 One day, as I loitered along the street, 
 My old acquaintance I chanced to meet, 
 Whose face was without the look of care 
 And the ugly frown that it used to wear. 
 " I may be mistaken, perhaps," I said, 
 As, after saluting, I turned my head ; 
 " But it is, and it isn't, the Mr. Horner 
 Who lived so long on Grumble Corner ! " 
 
 I met him next day, and I met him again, 
 
 In melting weather, in pouring rain, 
 
 When stocks were up, and when stocks were down ; 
 
 But a smile somehow had replaced the frown. 
 
 It puzzled me much ; and so, one day, 
 
 I seized his hand in a friendly way, 
 
 And said, " Mr. Horner, I'd like to know 
 
 What has happened to change you so ? " 
 
 He laughed a laugh that was good to hear, 
 For it told of a conscience calm and clear ; 
 And he said, with none of the old-time drawl, 
 "Why, I've changed my residence — that is all ! " 
 " Changed your residence ? " " Yes," said Horner ; 
 " It wasn't healthy on Grumble Corner, 
 And so I moved — 'twas a change complete ; 
 And you'll find me now on Thanksgiving Street." 
 
 Now every day, as I move along 
 
 The streets so filled with the busy throng, 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 23 
 
 I watch each face, and can always tell 
 Where men and women and children dwell ; 
 And many a discontented mourner 
 Is spending his days on Grumble Corner, 
 Sour and sad, whom I long to entreat 
 To take a house on Thanksgiving Street. 
 
 A COMPLAINT. 
 
 a boy's recitation. 
 I think it really mean — don't you ? — 
 To leave us nothing at all to do ! 
 In a world all made to order so 
 A modern boy has no earthly show. 
 
 Columbus sailed across the sea — 
 Which might have been done by you or me — 
 And now they call him great and wise, 
 They praise his genius and enterprise, 
 Although when he found our native land 
 He took it for India's coral strand ! 
 
 There's Newton, too, saw an apple fall 
 Down from the branch, and that was all ; 
 Yet they talk of his great imagination, 
 And say he discovered gravitation. 
 Goodness me! why, I could have told 
 Him all about it ; at ten years old 
 I knew why things fell, and I studied the rule 
 For " falling bodies " in grammar-school ! 
 
24 DICK S SPEECHES 
 
 There's noble George, who wouldn't lie — 
 Perhaps he couldn't ; he didn't try. 
 But if I should cut down a cherry-tree, 
 My father would only laugh at me. 
 
 Benjamin Franklin — what did he do ? 
 Flew a big kite — on Sunday, too ; 
 Standing out in a heavy shower 
 Getting soaked for half an hour, 
 Fishing for lightning with a string, 
 To see if he couldn't bottle the thing. 
 Suppose I should fly my kite in the rain ? 
 People would say that I wasn't sane. 
 Why should there such a difference be 
 Between Ben Franklin, Esq., and me ? 
 
 Then there's Napoleon First, of France : 
 Suppose that we had had his chance, 
 No doubt we'd have been emperors too ; 
 But we'd have conquered at Waterloo. 
 I wouldn't have had old Grouchy make 
 Such a stupid and grave mistake ; 
 I should have sent him the proper way 
 To arrive in time to save the day ! 
 
 Still, what makes me feel the worst 
 Is Adam's renown for being first. 
 That was easy enough, you know — 
 It was just a thing that happened so. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 25 
 
 And my sister says, " If it had been me, 
 I wouldn't have touched the apple-tree." 
 That's so. If she sees a snake to-day- 
 She gives a scream and scoots away. 
 
 To write such things as Shakespeare's plays 
 Was not so hard in Queen Bess's days ; 
 But now, when everything has been done, 
 I cannot think of a single one 
 To bring a boy to wealth and fame — 
 It's a regular, downright, burning shame ! 
 
 EPILOGUE. 
 
 FOR A TOT. 
 
 Before we say good-by, I want to tell you that I 
 love you all very much. You know who it was that 
 loved little ones like me, and wanted us to come to 
 Him ; and I am sure you cannot help loving us little 
 ones too, almost as much as He did. 
 
 It is because I am little that I love you all. You 
 know, when I get big I shall have to love a few 
 people more, and other people less ; and when I get 
 married I shall have to love one person more than all 
 the rest. So you ought to be very glad that I am little 
 and can love you all so much. And now I blow you 
 all a good-by kiss. 
 
26 dick's speeches 
 
 DECEMBER. 
 
 On Christmas day, when fires were lit, 
 
 And all our breakfasts done, 
 We spread our toys out on the floor, 
 
 And played there in the sun. 
 
 The nursery smelled of Christmas tree, 
 
 And under where it stood 
 The shepherds watched their flocks of sheep — 
 
 All made of painted wood. 
 
 Outside the house the air was cold, 
 
 And quiet all about, 
 Till far across the snowy roofs 
 
 The Christmas bells rang out. 
 
 But soon the sleigh-bells jingled by 
 
 Upon the street below, 
 And people on the way to church 
 
 Went crunching through the snow. 
 
 We did not quarrel once all day ; 
 
 Mama and grandma said 
 They liked to be in where we were, 
 
 So pleasantly we played. 
 
 I do not see how any child 
 
 Is cross on Christmas day, 
 When all the lovely toys are new, 
 
 And every one can play. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 27 
 
 AN INDIGNANT SCHOLAR. 
 
 Such a horrid jogafry lesson ! 
 
 Cities and mountains and lakes, 
 And the longest, crookedest rivers, 
 
 Just wriggling about like snakes. 
 I tell you I wish Columbus 
 
 Hadn't heard the earth was a ball, 
 And started to find new countries 
 
 That folks didn't need at all. 
 
 Now wouldn't it be too lovely 
 
 If all that you had to find out 
 Was just about Spain and England, 
 
 And a few other lands thereabout ; 
 And the rest of the maps were printed 
 
 With pink and yellow, to say, 
 " All this is an unknown region, 
 
 Where bogies and fairies stay ? " 
 
 But what is the use of wishing, 
 
 Since Columbus sailed over here, 
 And men keep hunting and 'sploring 
 
 And finding things every year ? 
 Now show me the Yampa River, 
 
 And tell me where does it flow ? 
 And how do you bound Montana, 
 
 And Utah and Mexico ? 
 
28 dick's speeches 
 
 A LITTLE FELLER. 
 
 Say, Sunday's lonesome fur a little feller, 
 
 With pop an' ma'am a-readin' all the while, 
 An' never sayin' anythin' to cheer ye, 
 
 An' lookin' 's if they didn't know how to smile ; 
 With hook an' line a-hangin' in the woodshed, 
 
 An' lots o' 'orms down by the outside cellar, 
 An' Brown's Creek just over by the mill-dam — 
 
 Say, Sunday's lonesome fur a little feller. 
 
 Why, Sunday's lonesome fur a little feller 
 
 Right on from sun-up, when the day commences ; 
 Fur little fellers don't have much to think of 
 
 'Cept chasin' gophers 'long the corn-field fences, 
 Or diggin' after moles down in the wood-lot, 
 
 Or climbin' after apples what's got meller, 
 Or fishin' down in Brown's Creek an' mill-pond — 
 
 Say, Sunday's lonesome fur a little feller. 
 
 But Sunday's never lonesome fur a little feller 
 
 When he is stayin' down to Uncle Ora's ; 
 He took his book onct right out in the orchard, 
 
 An' told us little chaps just lots o' stories — 
 All truly true, that happened once fur honest, 
 
 An' one 'bout lions in a sort o' cellar, 
 An' how some angels came an' shut their mouths up, 
 
 An' how they never teched that Dan'l feller. 
 
 An' Sunday's pleasant down to Aunt Marilda's ; 
 She lets us take some books that some one gin her, 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 29 
 
 An* takes us down to Sunday-school t' the school- 
 house ; 
 
 An' sometimes she has nice shortcake fur dinner, 
 And onct she had a puddin' full o' raisins, 
 
 An* onct a frosted cake, all white an' yeller. 
 I think when I stay down to Aunt Marilda's 
 
 That Sunday's pleasant fur a little feller. 
 
 WELCOME. 
 
 a child's speech. 
 
 It scares me, my friends, to speak to you to-night. 
 My heart goes pittypat. I want to speak my piece, 
 and can scarce think what to say. Mine is a speech 
 of welcome. I am to say welcome to you all — right 
 welcome to our hall, our hearts, and to hear what we 
 have to say. Some of the larger boys who are study- 
 ing arithmetic and geography and grammar will make 
 believe they are orators or generals or kings ; but I 
 don't. You all know me, and it's no use for me to 
 pretend to be what I am not ; besides, I can welcome 
 you just as well just as I am ; and now I say you are 
 just as welcome as you can be. Besides, we are real 
 glad you are here. We wondered if you would come, 
 we wanted you to come, we are glad you have come, 
 we thank you for your coming. Now you know you 
 are welcome. 
 
30 DICK'S SPEECHES 
 
 Our speeches for to-night are not our own. The 
 politicians, the lawyers, the speechmakers, among us 
 are using the speeches made by great men before 
 our day. We adopt theirs until we can make our 
 own. Again, welcome. 
 
 GRANDMA. 
 
 When grandma puts her glasses on 
 
 And looks at me just so, 
 If I have done a naughty thing, 
 
 She's sure somehow to know. 
 How is it she can always tell 
 So very, very, very well ? 
 
 She says to me, " Yes, little one, 
 
 Tis written in your eye ! " 
 And if I look the other way, 
 
 Or turn and seem to try 
 To hunt for something on the floor, 
 She's sure to know it all the more. 
 
 If I should put the glasses on 
 And look in grandma's eyes, 
 
 Do you suppose that I should be 
 So very, very wise ? 
 
 Now, what if I should find it true 
 
 That grandma had been naughty too ! 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 3 1 
 
 THE QUARRELSOME KITTENS. 
 
 Two little kittens, 
 
 One stormy night, 
 Began to quarrel, 
 
 And then to fight. 
 
 One had a mouse, 
 
 The other had none ; 
 And that's the way 
 
 The quarrel begun. 
 
 " Til have that mouse," 
 
 Said the bigger cat. 
 " You'll have that mouse ? 
 
 We'll see about that ! " 
 
 " I will have that mouse," 
 
 Said the eldest son ; 
 " You shcCift have the mouse," 
 
 Said the little one. 
 
 The old woman seized 
 
 Her sweeping-broom, 
 And swept both kittens 
 
 Right out of the room. 
 
 The ground was all covered 
 
 With frost and with snow ; 
 The two little kittens 
 
 Had nowhere to go. 
 
32 dick's speeches 
 
 So they lay and shivered 
 On a mat at the door, 
 
 While the old woman 
 Was sweeping the floor. 
 
 And then they crept in, 
 As quiet as mice, 
 
 All wet with the snow, 
 And as cold as ice ; 
 
 And found it much better, 
 That stormy night, 
 
 To lie by the fire 
 
 Than to quarrel and fight. 
 
 ROBIN'S NEW YEAR. 
 
 On the snowy branch of the holly-bush 
 
 A gay little redbreast sings ; 
 " Happy New Year to all, to all ! " says he. 
 
 Oh ! loudly his greeting rings. 
 And in the warm nursery, way high up, 
 
 From the window-pane looks down 
 A dear little girl with sunshiny hair, 
 
 And a boy with eyes so brown. 
 
 To Robin they call, " Ho, ho ! little bird, 
 
 Why singing so gaily, pray ? 
 The snow is so deep, the wind is so keen, 
 
 You'll freeze with the cold to-day." 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 33 
 
 " Icicles hang on the mistletoe-bough, 
 
 And snow on the meadow lies, 
 But I fear not the cold this New- Year's morn," 
 
 The brave little bird replies. 
 
 " For God He is good, and God He is love ; 
 
 He made the land and the sea ; 
 And the God that sees when the sparrows fall 
 
 Will also take care of me." 
 Then he eats with a thankful heart the crumbs 
 
 That the small white hands let fall, 
 And sings from his swing in the holly-bush, 
 
 " Happy New Year to all, to all ! " 
 
 THE GOLDEN KEY. 
 
 I know of a jeweled casket 
 
 Where is hidden a golden key 
 That opens the door of a castle fair, 
 
 Called the Castle of Courtesy. 
 
 Its owner, a bright-eyed maiden, 
 
 When she wakes in the morning light, 
 Takes the treasure out from its hiding-place 
 • And bears it around till night. 
 
 She opens the door of the castle 
 With the beautiful golden key, 
 
 And smiles a welcome to all who come — 
 Even strangers, like you and me. 
 
34 DICK S SPEECHES 
 
 And to every door in the castle 
 
 The maiden fits her key ; 
 Wide open it flies at her magic touch, 
 
 That all may its treasures see. 
 
 The heart is the jeweled casket, 
 
 And kindness the golden key 
 That opens the doors of the numberless rooms 
 
 In the Castle of Courtesy. 
 
 NINETIETH PSALM. 
 
 Lord, Thou hast been our dwelling-place 
 
 In generations past ; 
 Before the mountains saw Thy face, 
 
 Or earth in form was cast. 
 
 A thousand years before Thy sight 
 
 Are but as yesterday/ 
 Or as a watch-hour in the night, 
 
 That hurrieth away. 
 
 As on a flood we all are borne, 
 
 Our life is like a sleep ; 
 Beneath Thine anger we must mourn, 
 
 And for our sins must weep. 
 
 Our secret sins Thou bring'st to light, 
 
 Our days pass quickly by ; 
 They end in trouble, grief, and night, 
 
 As onward cycles fly. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 35 
 
 Oh, teach us to apply our days 
 To wisdom's counsels pure, 
 
 And let Thy beauty and Thy praise 
 Upon our works endure ! 
 
 DOLLYS BROKEN ARM. 
 
 Mama, do send for doctor-man, 
 
 And tell him to be spry ; 
 My dolly fell and broke her arm ; 
 
 I'm so afraid she'll die. 
 
 I thought that she was fast asleep, 
 
 And laid her on the bed ; 
 But down she dropped upon the floor ; 
 
 Oh dear ! she's almost dead ! 
 
 Poor dolly ! she was just as brave, 
 And she did not cry at all. 
 
 Do you suppose she ever can 
 Get over such a fall ? 
 
 But when the doctor mends her arm 
 
 And wraps it up so tight, 
 Then I will be her little nurse, 
 
 And watch with her all night. 
 
 And if she only will get well, 
 And does not lose her arm, 
 
 I'll never let her fall again, 
 Nor suffer any harm. 
 
36 dick's speeches 
 
 A CUP OF TEA. 
 
 A very old dame in a very small cot 
 Made tea in a blue-and-white Chinese tea-pot ; 
 She drank it so black I'm sure you would think 
 'Twas the very worst thing an old lady could drink. 
 She never drank water, nor coffee, nor wine, 
 But said her black tea was exceedingly fine. 
 She'd draw it at morn, and at night drink it up 
 From an old-fashioned blue-and-white china tea-cup. 
 And she lived long ago, yet I have heard say 
 She's making and drinking her tea to this day. 
 
 « PLEASE, PREACHER-MAN, CAN I GO HOME ? M 
 
 Bess went to church one sultry day ; 
 She kept awake, I'm glad to say, 
 Till " fourthly " started on its way. 
 
 Then moments into hours grew ; 
 
 Oh dear ! oh dear ! what should she do ? 
 
 Unseen she glided from the pew, 
 
 And up the aisle demurely went, 
 On some absorbing mission bent, 
 Her eyes filled with a look intent. 
 
 She stopped and said, in plaintive tone, 
 
 With hand uplifted toward the dome, 
 
 M Please, preacher-man, can I go home ? " 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 37 
 
 The treble voice, bell-like in sound, 
 Disturbed a sermon most profound ; 
 A titter swelled as it went round. 
 
 A smile the pastor's face o'erspread ; 
 He paused, and bent his stately head. 
 " Yes, little dear," he gently said. 
 
 THE LITTLE TOMTIT. 
 
 " Oh ! where do you come from, little Tomtit ? " 
 
 " From birdland, of course," sang he. 
 He wasn't quite sure of the matter, I know, 
 
 As he sat on the old oak-tree. 
 
 I asked him again : " Oh ! where do you live ? " 
 
 "At Thomas Tit Hall," he cried. 
 "And what do you eat for your breakfast ? " said I. 
 
 " A nice potted worm," he replied. 
 
 " And how do you dress in that little blue coat 
 And nice yellow waistcoat so trim ? " 
 
 " They grow, little maiden," he cried, with a laugh. 
 In wonder I gazed then at him. 
 
 "And how — " but he stopped me by saying, "My 
 dear, 
 
 I was taught, when a very young bird, 
 This sensible motto — I quote it to you : 
 
 1 Little folks should be seen and not heard ' ! " 
 
38 dick's speeches 
 
 A GIRL'S ESSAY ON BOTS. 
 
 Boys are men that have not got as big as their 
 papas ; and girls are women that will be young ladies 
 by and by. Man was made before woman. When 
 God looked at Adam He said to Himself, "Well, I 
 think I can do better if I try again;" and then He 
 made Eve. God liked Eve so much better than 
 Adam that there have been more women than men. 
 Boys are a trouble. They wear out everything — but 
 soap. If I had my way, half the boys in the world 
 would be girls, and the rest would be dolls. My papa 
 is so nice that I think he must have been a little girl 
 when he was a little boy. 
 
 A BOYS MOTHER. 
 
 My mother she's so good to me ; 
 Ef I was good as I could be, 
 I couldn't be as good — no, sir ! 
 Can't any boy be good as her ! 
 
 She loves me when I'm glad er mad ; 
 She loves me when I'm good er bad ; 
 An', what's a funniest thing, she says 
 She loves me when she punishes. 
 
 I don't like her to punish me ; 
 That don't hurt, but it hurts to see 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 39 
 
 Her cryin' — nen I cry ; an' nen 
 We both cry — an' be good again. 
 
 She loves me when she cuts and sews 
 My little cloak and Sunday clothes ; 
 An* when my pa comes home to tea 
 She loves him 'most as much as me. 
 
 She laughs an' tells him all I said, 
 An' grabs me up an' pats my head ; 
 An' I hug her, an' hug my pa, 
 An' love him purt' nigh much as ma. 
 
 A LITTLE BOY'S VALENTINE. 
 
 Little girl across the way, 
 
 You are so very sweet 
 I shouldn't be a bit surprised 
 
 If you were good to eat. 
 
 Now what I'd like, if you would too, 
 Would be to go and play — 
 
 Well, all the time, and all my life, 
 On your side of the way. 
 
 I don't know anybody yet 
 On your side of the street, 
 
 But often I look over there 
 
 And watch you — you're so sweet. 
 
4-0 DICK S SPEECHES 
 
 When I am big, I tell you what, 
 I don't care what they say, 
 
 I'll go across — and stay there, too — 
 On your side of the way. 
 
 A HOUSEKEEPERS TROUBLES. 
 
 Dolly's wet her 
 
 Feet to get her 
 Posies, in the morning dew ; 
 
 Sure to be sick — 
 
 Cold or colic — 
 Like as not the measles too. 
 
 There is Freddy, 
 
 Always ready 
 Into awful 'fairs to fall ; 
 
 Bad as Rosy — 
 
 Doodness knows, I 
 Don't know how to manage 't all ! 
 
 Jack or Norah's 
 
 Telled a story ! 
 One or t'uver ate ma's cake ! 
 
 While there's silly, 
 
 Greedy Willy 
 Got a drefful stomach-ache ! 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 4 1 
 
 Naughty Bessie 
 
 Tored her dress ; she 
 Wants anuver one, I s'pose ; 
 
 I tell you what, 
 
 It tates a lot 
 Of work to teep my dolls in tose ! 
 
 A LITTLE BOY'S PLEA. 
 
 Here I am most four feet high ; 
 
 I'm brimming full of fun ; 
 I dance and whistle, laugh and sing, 
 
 And hop and skip and run. 
 
 I suppose I bother big folks some 
 
 With all my fun and glee ; 
 But then remember, gentle folks, 
 
 There is some work in me. 
 
 Five days each week I go to school — 
 
 I'm very busy there ; 
 And then of chores and errands, too, 
 
 I always have my share. 
 
 So please don't scold me when I play, 
 Although I make some noise ; 
 
 It's hard to be so full of fun 
 And still be quiet boys. 
 
42 dick's speeches 
 
 I am a little boy, you see ; 
 
 I never spoke before ; 
 But if you'll listen to me now 
 
 I'll tell you something more. 
 
 I'll tell you what I mean to be 
 When I am grown a man : 
 
 I'll keep the store where letters come- 
 I'll be the post-office man. 
 
 A TINY BOY'S SPEECH. 
 
 I am a very little boy, 
 
 As you can plainly see ; 
 And as I stand before you now 
 
 I tremble in each knee. 
 
 But then I thought it would not do 
 For all the boys in school 
 
 To make a speech and leave me out, 
 Like a poor simple fool. 
 
 And so I plucked my courage up, 
 
 Determined to be bold, 
 And have come out upon the stage 
 
 To do as I am told. 
 
 I thank the ladies very much 
 For listening to my speech ; 
 
 And if they ask me, I am sure 
 I'll give a kiss to each. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 43 
 
 LITTLE WILLIE WARE. 
 
 11 The night is cold," said Willie Ware ; 
 
 "A-coasting I will go." 
 He wore his father's sealskin cap, 
 
 And lost it in the snow. 
 
 They searched the highland far and near, 
 
 And Willie's pa was wild ; 
 And then he got upon his ear, 
 
 And interviewed that child. 
 
 And now, when Willie Ware comes round 
 
 To stay with us a bit, 
 He will not take a chair. He says 
 
 He does not care to sit. 
 
 MY DOGGIE. 
 
 I have a little doggie, 
 
 His back is smooth and white ; 
 He has a ribbon round his neck, 
 
 And wears it day and night. 
 
 He has a little basket 
 
 All lined with Turkey red ; 
 
 He often takes a little nap 
 Before he goes to bed. 
 
44 DICK S SPEECHES 
 
 He stands upon his hind legs 
 With sugar on his nose ; 
 
 When I say " now " he snaps it up — 
 What else did you suppose ? 
 
 He has a bath on Mondays ; 
 
 Cook puts him in a tub, 
 And then with soap and flannel 
 
 Begins to rub, rub, rub. 
 
 When I give him a penny, 
 
 He goes to buy a bun ; 
 He lays it down and barks quite loud 
 
 Until the people come. 
 
 Now, isn't he a clever dog, 
 And just as good as gold ? 
 
 I think now I must stop and rest, 
 Because my story's told. 
 
 "GRAN'MA AL'A'S DOES." 
 
 I wants to mend my wagon, 
 And has to have some nails — 
 
 Jus* two free will be plenty — 
 We're goin' to haul our rails ; 
 
 The splendidest cob fences 
 We're makin' ever was ! 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 45 
 
 I wis' you'd help us find 'em — - 
 Gran'ma al'a's does. 
 
 My horse's name is Betsy ; 
 
 She jumped and broked her head •, 
 I put her in the stable, 
 
 And fed her milk and bread. 
 The stable's in the parlor — 
 
 We didn't make no muss ; 
 I wis' you'd let her stay there — 
 
 Gran'ma al'a's does. 
 
 I's goin' to the corn-field, 
 
 To ride on Charley's plow ; 
 I 'spect he'd like to have me ; 
 
 I wants to go just now. 
 Oh, won't I gee up awful, 
 
 And whoa like Charley whoas ! 
 I wis* you wouldn't bozzer — 
 
 Gran'ma never does. 
 
 I wants some bread and butter— 
 
 I's hungry worstest kind ; 
 But Taddie mus'n't have none, 
 
 'Cause she wouldn't mind. 
 Put plenty sugar on it ; 
 
 I tell you what, I knows 
 It's right to put on sugar — 
 
 Gran'ma al'a's does. 
 
46 dick's speeches 
 
 A BOYS APOLOGY. 
 
 I'd rather take a whipping now 
 Than stand up here and make a bow, 
 And speak before a crowd like this ; 
 For much I fear you all may hiss. 
 
 But then I thought that Henry Clay 
 Had been a boy once in his day, 
 And Daniel Webster had to crawl 
 Before he ever walked at all. 
 
 "Large oaks from little acorns grow;" 
 And though I creep along quite slow, 
 Who knows but at some future day 
 I'll be as great a man as Clay? 
 
 Perhaps some lady here will say, 
 
 " That boy's too fast — take him away ! " 
 
 This trouble I will save you now, 
 
 As thus I make my farewell bow. 
 
 WHAT I KNOW. 
 
 A very little boy am I, 
 And yet to speak I mean to try ; 
 Because I know a thing or two, 
 As small as I appear to you. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 47 
 
 I know that millers have fat hogs — 
 I've seen them roll about like logs ; 
 But where the miller gets his corn 
 I never knew since I was born. 
 
 I know that lawyers oft get rich 
 When into people's suits they pitch ; 
 But how they get the money paid 
 I never knew since I was made. 
 
 I know that doctors all dress fine, 
 No matter how their patients pine ; 
 But how they get so much to spend 
 I never knew, you may depend. 
 
 I know the boys all love the girls, 
 
 And talk about their " eyes " and " curls " ; 
 
 But why the girls don't like a beau 
 
 I never do expect to know. 
 
 OUR FUTURE WORK. 
 
 RECITATION FOR TEN BOYS. 
 FIRST BOY.. 
 
 Oh, what will be our future work ? Come, boys, let's 
 
 choose a trade. 
 I'd like to be a locksmith / all the town would seek 
 
 my aid. 
 
go dick's speeches 
 
 SIXTH BOY. 
 
 Across the waves, not underneath, my future path I'll 
 
 take ! 
 
 / want to be a captain bold, like Raleigh or like 
 • Drake ; 
 
 The captain of a bonny bark with sails so fair and 
 
 fleet— 
 From figurehead to keel she'll be so taut and trim 
 
 and neat ! 
 I'll stand upon my bridge and shout, as forward still 
 
 we flee, 
 " Starboard! " or " Port ! " or " Land ahead! " just as 
 
 the case may be. 
 
 SEVENTH BOY. 
 
 Td like to be a fireman, with a helmet on my 
 
 head ; 
 You'll see me on my engine when the flames leap high 
 
 and red ; 
 When people call out " Fire ! fire ! fire ! " and dread 
 
 fills all the town, 
 Oh, then you'll see me play my hose till flames die 
 
 hissing down ! 
 But oh, remember there's a foe of deeper danger 
 
 near — 
 The raging drink does far more harm e'en than the 
 
 flames we fear ! 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 5 1 
 
 EIGHTH BOY. 
 
 Oh, what will be our future work ? I'm sure I can- 
 not tell ; 
 
 But yet I think a waiter's life would suit me very 
 well; 
 
 In some bright temperance coffee-house (I'm glad 
 there are so many) 
 
 I'd rush along with plate and dish, and thank you for 
 your penny ; 
 
 I'd never, never fill your glass with drinks that hurt 
 and harm — 
 
 I'll be a tempera?ice waiter, with my napkin o'er my 
 arm ! 
 
 NINTH BOY. 
 
 And / will be a druggist, and your powders I'll pre- 
 pare ; 
 
 I'll roll your pills and measure out your dose and 
 draught with care ; 
 
 I'll mix the proper physic that's adapted to your 
 case; 
 
 I'll cure your headache, toothache, cough and cold, 
 and swollen face ! 
 
 Dear friends, I'll do my very best to cure your every 
 pain, 
 
 And my advice to young and old will be just this — 
 abstain / 
 
50 dick's speeches 
 
 SIXTH BOY. 
 
 Across the waves, not underneath, my future path I'll 
 
 take ! 
 / want to be a captain bold, like Raleigh or like 
 
 Drake ; 
 The captain of a bonny bark with sails so fair and 
 
 fleet — 
 From figurehead to keel she'll be so taut and trim 
 
 and neat ! 
 I'll stand upon my bridge and shout, as forward still 
 
 we flee, 
 " Starboard/ " or " Port 1 " or " Land ahead! " just as 
 
 the case may be. 
 
 SEVENTH BOY. 
 
 Td like to be a fireman, with a helmet on my 
 
 head ; 
 You'll see me on my engine when the flames leap high 
 
 and red ; 
 When people call out " Fire I fire ! fire / " and dread 
 
 fills all the town, 
 Oh, then you'll see me play my hose till flames die 
 
 hissing down ! 
 But oh, remember there's a foe of deeper danger 
 
 near — 
 The raging drink does far more harm e'en than the 
 
 flames we fear ! 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 5 1 
 
 EIGHTH BOY. 
 
 Oh, what will be our future work ? I'm sure I can- 
 not tell ; 
 
 But yet I think a waiter's life would suit me very 
 well; 
 
 In some bright temperance coffee-house (I'm glad 
 there are so many) 
 
 I'd rush along with plate and dish, and thank you for 
 your penny ; 
 
 I'd never, never fill your glass with drinks that hurt 
 and harm — 
 
 I'll be a temperance waiter, with my napkin o'er my 
 arm ! 
 
 NINTH BOY. 
 
 And / will be a druggist, and your powders I'll pre- 
 pare ; 
 
 I'll roll your pills and measure out your dose and 
 draught with care ; 
 
 I'll mix the proper physic that's adapted to your 
 case; 
 
 I'll cure your headache, toothache, cough and cold, 
 and swollen face ! 
 
 Dear friends, I'll do my very best to cure your every 
 pain, 
 
 And my advice to young and old will be just this — 
 abstain / 
 
54 dick's speeches 
 
 BEDTIME FANCIES. 
 
 Out from the corners and over the floor 
 
 Come flocking and flocking the shadow band ; 
 
 I will get in my little white coach and drive 
 
 Through the Valley of Dreams into Slumberland. 
 
 I have four black horses that Night has lent ; 
 
 I call the name of my coachman Sleep ; 
 And the little white coach is cozy and soft, 
 
 As I nestle down in its cushions deep. 
 
 Heigh-ho ! we are off. The horses go slow 
 
 At first, then fast and faster still, 
 With silent hoof-beats speeding on, 
 
 Down to the foot of the Drowsy Hill. 
 
 This twilight place is the Valley of Dreams, 
 Where all the wonderful dream things are, 
 
 And the balsam-groves and the poppy-fields 
 That stretch on ever and ever so far. 
 
 The dream forests rustle their secrets out, 
 
 The lights of the dream towns twinkle and shine, 
 
 And the white dream ships from the harbor sail 
 Away to the dim horizon-line. 
 
 Ah ! the sounds of the Valley are growing faint ; 
 
 Its sights are fading on either hand. 
 I cross the border still and dark, 
 
 And enter the real Slumberland. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 55 
 
 THE DREAMER. 
 
 When I am sleeping in my bed, 
 The little people in my head 
 All sport and frolic, dance and play, 
 As they never do by day. 
 
 They play at being king and queen, 
 Or catching fairy-folk unseen ; 
 They act out giant, troll, or gnome, 
 Or in far Afric's forests roam. 
 
 They go with Sindbad on his trips, 
 Or take command of pirate ships, 
 And capture galleons of Spain, 
 Pearl-freighted, on the Spanish Main. 
 
 Yet each one still pretends he's me, 
 While I am sound asteep, you see ; 
 They play I run and shout and leap — 
 And yet I'm lying fast asleep. 
 
 They have such jolly lots of fun, 
 And see such sights ! Yet never one 
 Will wake me up that I may go 
 To share the joys that please them so. 
 
 And if I wake and try to hear, 
 Or at their frolics try to peer, 
 Then all the sly things in a trice 
 Are quiet and demure as mice ! 
 
54 dick's speeches 
 
 BEDTIME FANCIES. 
 
 Out from the corners and over the floor 
 
 Come flocking and flocking the shadow band ; 
 
 I will get in my little white coach and drive 
 
 Through the Valley of Dreams into Slumberland. 
 
 I have four black horses that Night has lent ; 
 
 I call the name of my coachman Sleep ; 
 And the little white coach is cozy and soft, 
 
 As I nestle down in its cushions deep. 
 
 Heigh-ho ! we are off. The horses go slow 
 
 At first, then fast and faster still, 
 With silent hoof-beats speeding on, 
 
 Down to the foot of the Drowsy Hill. 
 
 This twilight place is the Valley of Dreams, 
 Where all the wonderful dream things are, 
 
 And the balsam-groves and the poppy-fields 
 That stretch on ever and ever so far. 
 
 The dream forests rustle their secrets out, 
 
 The lights of the dream towns twinkle and shine, 
 
 And the white dream ships from the harbor sail 
 Away to the dim horizon-line. 
 
 Ah ! the sounds of the Valley are growing faint ; 
 
 Its sights are fading on either hand. 
 I cross the border still and dark, 
 
 And enter the real Slumberland. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 55 
 
 THE DREAMER. 
 
 When I am sleeping in my bed, 
 The little people in my head 
 All sport and frolic, dance and play, 
 As they never do by day. 
 
 They play at being king and queen, 
 Or catching fairy-folk unseen ; 
 They act out giant, troll, or gnome, 
 Or in far Afric's forests roam. 
 
 They go with Sindbad on his trips, 
 Or take command of pirate ships, 
 And capture galleons of Spain, 
 Pearl-freighted, on the Spanish Main. 
 
 Yet each one still pretends he's me, 
 While I am sound asteep, you see ; 
 They play I run and shout and leap — 
 And yet I'm lying fast asleep. 
 
 They have such jolly lots of fun, 
 And see such sights ! Yet never one 
 Will wake me up that I may go 
 To share the joys that please them so. 
 
 And if I wake and try to hear, 
 Or at their frolics try to peer, 
 Then all the sly things in a trice 
 Are quiet and demure as mice ! 
 
56 dick's speeches 
 
 EPILOGUE. 
 
 The best of things, as well as the worst, must, like 
 everything else, come to an end. We have had our 
 say, and have done what we can to entertain you. If 
 we have tried your patience it has been our misfor- 
 tune, not our fault ;- and in the name of our little com- 
 pany I apologize for our shortcomings. 
 
 But, judging by the applause with which you have 
 so generously rewarded some of us this evening, I 
 think we have succeeded in amusing you ; and your 
 kind approval will encourage us to try to do still better 
 next time. 
 
 As a parting word, we give you our hearty thanks 
 for not only your presence here, but especially for 
 your kind attention and encouragement. We say au 
 revoir, but not good-by, with the hope to meet again 
 some other time. Friends, one and all, good-night ! 
 
 WHO BIDES HIS TIME. 
 
 Who bides his time, and day by day 
 Faces defeat full patiently, 
 
 And lifts a mirthful roundelay 
 However poor his fortunes be, 
 
 He will not fail in any qualm 
 Of poverty ; the paltry dime 
 
 It will grow golden in his palm — 
 Who bides his time. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 57 
 
 Who bides his time, he tastes the sweet 
 
 Of honey in the saltest tear ; 
 And though he fares with slowest feet, 
 
 Joy runs to meet him, drawing near ; 
 The birds are heralds of his cause, 
 
 And, like a never-ending rhyme, 
 The roadsides bloom in his applause — 
 Who bides his time. 
 
 Who bides his time, and fevers not 
 In the hot race that none achieves, 
 
 Shall wear cool-wreathen laurel, wrought 
 With crimson berries in the leaves ; 
 
 And he shall reign a goodly king, 
 And sway his hand o'er every clime, 
 
 With peace writ on his signet-ring — 
 Who bides his time. 
 
 GRANDPAS WAY. 
 
 My grandpa is the strangest man ! 
 
 Of course I love him dearly, 
 But really it does seem to me 
 
 He looks at things so queerly. 
 
 He always thinks that every day 
 Is right, no matter whether 
 
 It rains or snows, or shines or blows, 
 Or what the kind of weather. 
 
58 dick's speeches 
 
 When outdoor fun is ruined by 
 A heavy shower provoking, 
 
 He pats my head, and says, "You see, 
 The dry earth needs a seaking." 
 
 And when I think the day too warm 
 
 For any kind of pleasure, 
 He says, " The corn has grown an inch — 
 
 I see without a measure." 
 
 And when I fret because the wind 
 Has set my things all whirring, 
 
 He looks at me, and says, " Tut ! tut ! 
 This close air needs a stirring ! " 
 
 He says, when drifts are piling high, 
 And fence-posts scarcely peeping, 
 
 " How warm beneath their blanket white 
 The little flowers are keeping ! " 
 
 Sometimes I think, when on his face 
 His sweet smile shines so clearly, 
 
 It would be nice if every one 
 Could see things just so queerly ! 
 
 ESCAPING A SHOWER. 
 
 Two crabs who were out on the beach to walk 
 Shook claws when they met, and stopped to talk. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 59 
 
 " We're going to have a storm," one said ; 
 "Just look at those big clouds overhead ! " 
 
 "Then if we stay/' said the other, "it's plain 
 That both of us will be caught in the rain." 
 
 So, ere the threatened shower began, 
 Back in the water they quickly ran. 
 
 SUMMER SONG. 
 
 Hear the quail in yonder glen ; 
 He is calling to his mate ; 
 
 You can hear him in the morning- 
 Hear him early, hear him late. 
 " Whistle ! whistle ! " 
 
 That is what the quail is saying 
 As he whistles to his mate. 
 
 Hear the owl in yonder tree, 
 Among the leaves so green ; 
 
 Can you tell me what he's saying 
 
 In his leafy house unseen ? 
 
 "Whoo ! whoo !" 
 
 This is what the owl is saying 
 In his leafy house unseen. 
 
 Seeking for his morning food 
 See the crow in yonder field ; 
 
60 dick's speeches 
 
 He must feed his little nestlings, 
 In the nest so well concealed. 
 " Caw ! caw ! " 
 
 This is what the crow is saying, 
 Seeking for his nestlings' food. 
 
 When the evening comes again, 
 And the earth in night is hid, 
 
 All along the woods and meadows 
 You can hear the katydid. 
 "Katydid! katydid!" 
 
 All along the woods and meadows 
 You can hear the katydid. 
 
 WHEN I'M A MAN. 
 
 Oh, when I'm a man 
 Just as big as papa, 
 
 I'll have a mustache, 
 And I'll smoke a cigar. 
 
 I'll wear a tail-coat — 
 Oh, won't I be grand, 
 
 With a glass in my eye, 
 And a cane in my hand ! 
 
 I'll buy all the papers, 
 And read all the news — 
 
 The Times and the Standard, 
 And weekly reviews. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 6 1 
 
 And I'll have a birthday — 
 
 Just listen and hear — 
 About every week, 
 
 And not once a year. 
 
 And it would be better 
 
 If Christmas day came 
 A little bit oftener, 
 
 And New Year the same. 
 
 I'll be very rich ; 
 
 For you'll certainly find 
 I'll run to the toy-shop 
 
 Whenever inclined. 
 
 I won't have a nurse-maid 
 
 To bother me so, 
 Nor teacher for lessons — 
 
 Oh dear, no, no, no ! 
 
 Nor will I to bed, 
 
 Like a baby so small, 
 At seven o'clock — 
 
 No, I won't go at all ! 
 
 Nasty rice-pudding, 
 
 Potatoes and meat, 
 Thick bread and butter, 
 
 I never will eat ; 
 
62 dick's speeches 
 
 But dine on sweet candies 
 
 Wherever I be, 
 With sponge-cakes for breakfast 
 
 And toffee for tea. 
 
 THE LAND OF MAKE-BELIEVE. 
 
 Have you ever heard of the wonderful land, 
 
 The dear land of Make-believe, 
 Where the rivers have beds of golden sand, 
 And the clouds all day are rainbow-spanned ; 
 Where every good girl at a word's command 
 May summon a beautiful fairy band 
 
 And bid them new wonders weave ? 
 Oh, nowhere has earth, with all her noise, 
 Such a glorious spot for the little boys, 
 
 Where never they fret or grieve, 
 As the kingdom known since the world was planned 
 
 As the land of Make-believe. 
 
 Have you heard who own all the houses and things 
 
 In the land of Make-believe ? 
 Why, sweet little fairies with silver wings, 
 Wearing satin slippers and diamond rings. 
 And they say, every time the south wind brings 
 Good boys and girls, the fairy queen sings, 
 And takes them all down to the honey springs 
 
 If they never, never deceive ; 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 6$ 
 
 But then, if the children grow very bad, 
 The fairy queen becomes silent and sad, 
 
 And folds her feathers to leave, 
 After tying the boys in her apron-strings, 
 
 In the land of Make-believe. 
 
 In this wonderful land far over the seas, 
 
 In the land of Make-believe, 
 They have candy horses and candy trees ; 
 And the candy cows are taking their ease, 
 Lashing their tails in the peppermint breeze, 
 Or standing around right up to their knees 
 
 Where the taffy billows heave. 
 There the kittens all fly — they never climb ; 
 Everything has a magnificent time, 
 
 As happy as Adam and Eve, 
 And every story comes out as you please, 
 
 In the land of Make-believe. 
 
 BEES. 
 
 Folkses, do you think I look very green ? 
 I'll tell you what — I've seen a queen ! 
 Not the kind that wears long satin trails, 
 But that goes buzzing and buzzing around rails 
 And other things, for nice, fresh honey ! 
 
 I've seen a king too — a real bee king ! 
 Tell you what, folks, he's a queer thing ! 
 
64 DICK'S SPEECHES 
 
 When his subjects are indoors he proudly sits on the 
 
 throne ; 
 But when on a journey the queen leads off alone, 
 And they all follow to a tree that's hollow. 
 
 But the strangest thing — and it's true too ; 
 
 My father told me so three days ago — 
 
 Is that bees can make honey ; 'spect that's the why 
 
 I don't want any of 'em buzzing around me — do 
 
 you ? 
 Now my story 'bout bees is through. 
 
 WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY. 
 
 The bells of Mount Vernon are ringing to-day, 
 And what say their melodious numbers 
 
 To the flag-blooming air ? List ! what do they say ? — 
 " The fame of the hero ne'er slumbers ! " 
 
 The world's monument stands the Potomac beside, 
 And what says the shaft to the river ? — 
 
 " When the hero has lived for his country, and died, 
 Death crowns him a hero forever." 
 
 The bards crown the heroes, and children rehearse 
 
 The songs that give heroes to story ; 
 And what say the bards to the children ? — " No 
 verse 
 
 Can yet measure Washington's glory. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 65 
 
 " For Freedom outlives the old crowns of the earth, 
 
 And Freedom shall triumph forever, 
 And time must long wait the true song of his birth, 
 
 Who sleeps by the beautiful river." 
 
 WHICH IS BEST? 
 
 A DIALOGUE FOR NINE BOYS. 
 
 
 Characters. 
 
 
 Boy, 
 
 Tinker, 
 
 Doctor, 
 
 Soldier, 
 
 Tailor, 
 
 Gentleman, 
 
 Sailor, 
 
 Plowboy, 
 
 Thief. 
 
 boy [dressed in coat with eight buttons). 
 I wonder, when I'm bigger, 
 
 What I would like to be — 
 A soldier with a helmet, 
 
 Or a sailor on the sea ? 
 I think a soldier's nicest — 
 
 Then you can have a gun, 
 And sometimes they let soldiers 
 
 Play on a great big drum ! 
 
 [Enter boy dressed as Soldier, with drum) 
 soldier. 
 You ought to be a soldier, 
 
 And get a drum, you see (shows drum) 
 Just listen to my rub-dub [beats drum), 
 
 And come and fight with me (marches about). 
 
66 dick's speeches 
 
 [Enter Sailor, dressed in uniform , small boat in hand.) 
 
 SAILOR. 
 
 No, no ; you be a sailor, 
 
 And visit far-off lands, 
 And come back to your mother 
 
 With strange things in your hands [shows 
 
 shells, coral, etc.). 
 
 [Enter Tinker, with mended kettle in hand.) 
 
 TINKER. 
 
 The best of all's a tinker, 
 
 Who mends old pots and pans ; 
 
 And since "ifs" aren't " kettles," 
 There's need for tinkers' cans. 
 
 [Enter Tailor, with large needle, who sits down cross- 
 legged a?id begins to sew.) 
 
 TAILOR. 
 
 You come and be a tailor — 
 That's useful work, you know ; 
 
 Who'd make and mend your jackets 
 If tailors couldn't sew [joints to jacket) ? 
 
 [Enter Plowboy, cracking long whip.) 
 
 PLOWBOY. 
 
 Crack, crack ! just hear my good whip! 
 
 And I have horses too ; 
 And plowing is so easy, 
 
 It would just do for you. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 67 
 
 [Enter Doctor, with medicine bottle?) 
 
 DOCTOR. 
 
 My work's to give folks physic [uncorks bottle), 
 
 For which they dearly pay ; 
 But I've to work at night-time, 
 
 As well as through the day. 
 
 [Enter Gentleman, with hands in pockets.) 
 
 GENTLEMAN. 
 
 I don't have to work any, 
 
 Either by night or day ; 
 For I have plenty money (takes money from 
 
 pockets) 
 
 For everything to pay. 
 
 {Enter, while Gentleman is speaking, Thief, in 
 ragged clothing. Steals Gentleman's handker- 
 chief fro7n pocket. ) 
 
 THIEF. 
 
 Ha, ha ! my fine young boaster ! 
 
 See what I got from you (waves handker- 
 chief) ! 
 Although I don't work, either, 
 
 I've plenty money too (shows small coins). 
 
 boy (considering). 
 I'd like to be a soldier (turns to Soldier), 
 But then I'd go with joy 
 
68 dick's speeches 
 
 To learn to be a sailor {turns to Sailor), 
 
 Or even a plowboy [points to Plowboy). 
 I'll have to count my buttons, 
 
 And see what they've to say ; 
 For if I have to choose here, 
 
 I'll not be done to-day. 
 [Counts butto?is, repeating " Soldier \ sailor" etc.) 
 I've counted all my buttons, 
 
 And have to say, with grief, 
 If I'm to do their bidding 
 
 I've got to be a thief. 
 
 PROLOGUE. 
 
 FOR A BOY. 
 
 Did you ever, any of you, see the sun rise ? Have 
 you seen its first morning rays illumine and bring out 
 bright and clear everything that was dark and gloomy 
 in the shades of night, and make you feel glad that 
 you are alive ? 
 
 How funny it would seem for the sun to rise late 
 in the evening — about this time, for instance ! But 
 it does to-night, and I'll tell you how and why. It 
 is just this way: the manager of these solemnities, 
 naturally selecting the smartest of the young martyrs 
 under his control, said to me, " Son, you must rise to- 
 night — rise to the occasion — and make the opening 
 speech." You see what a mess of it I am making ; 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 69 
 
 but I have risen, as you perceive, and I wish you ail 
 heartily welcome. Having thus tried to brighten you 
 with my presence, and dispel your gloom of expecta- 
 tion and suspense, this son will now set — setting a 
 good example for those who are to follow by doing 
 my best to worry you as little as possible, and to try 
 to make you glad you came. 
 
 MAKING B'LIEVE. 
 
 I've maked b'lieve I was mama, 
 
 And been to the bargain store ; 
 But the bargain (the baby) wiggled so 
 
 That I couldn't play that any more. 
 I've maked b'lieve I was C'lumbus, 
 
 And discovered the world all over ; 
 The rug was the 'Lantic Ocean, 
 
 And I sailed on the nursery sofa. 
 
 I've maked b'lieve I was an Indian, 
 
 And scalped Polyphemia twice ; 
 And I played be a big polar bear, 
 
 With the looking-glass for ice. 
 I've maked b'lieve I was the doctor, 
 
 With pearl tapioca pills ; 
 But I was 'bliged to give up practice, 
 
 'Cause I couldn't c'lect my bills. 
 
70 DICK S SPEECHES 
 
 Two times I've b'lieved to be a circus, 
 
 And two times the coal-man too ; 
 And once I was Robinson Crusoe, 
 
 And once I was little Boy Blue. 
 Oh, I've maked b'lieve and I've maked b'lieve, 
 
 Till there's nothing else to be ! 
 And now — I'm so hungry, mama — 
 
 Let's make b'lieve I was me. 
 
 VALEDICTORY. 
 
 FOR A SMALL BOY. 
 
 Our exercises for the day 
 Will close without much more delay. 
 We thank you for the interest 
 Your kind attention has expressed. 
 We know we are but young and weak 
 To stand before a crowd to speak ; 
 But mighty oaks from acorns grow, 
 And some of us, for aught you know, 
 May climb the noble hill of Fame, 
 And make a great and lasting name ; 
 While none of us, we hope, may live 
 To loving hearts one pain to give. 
 Again we tender thanks to you ; 
 Till next we meet, kind friends, adi$ii \ 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 7 1 
 
 LITTLE MIDGET. 
 
 FOR A VERY LITTLE GIRL. 
 
 My papa sometimes scolds and says 
 
 I'm always in a fidget ! 
 But mama says I keep quite still 
 
 For such a little midget ; 
 
 And teacher said to-day she thought 
 
 That it was very smart 
 For such a little thing as I 
 
 To learn a speech by heart. 
 
 THE MESSAGE OF THE SEASONS. 
 
 A RECITATION FOR FOUR GIRLS. 
 FIRST GIRL. 
 
 Behold the bright and smiling Spring ! 
 
 I set the brooklets free ; 
 The snowdrop-bells I gaily ring 
 
 Across the sunny lea ; 
 I chase the dreary clouds of gloom 
 
 That wrapped the earth so long, 
 I bid the flow'rets rise and bloom, 
 
 I tune the skylark's song. 
 
72 dick's speeches 
 
 I hang the boughs with blossoms fair 
 
 That promise fruit at last ; 
 And in the gardens everywhere 
 
 The seeds of hope are cast. 
 O boys and girls ! in goodness grow, 
 
 For habits closely cling ; 
 Take care, take care what seeds you sow 
 
 Now in life's golden Spring ! 
 
 SECOND GIRL. 
 
 See Summer like a fairy queen 
 
 Awaken roses round ! 
 Red, white, and pink, they wreathe the scene, 
 
 And pansies gem the ground ; 
 The royal lily, clad in white, 
 
 Lifts up her stately head, 
 And dancing beams of golden light 
 
 O'er grassy hills are shed. 
 
 The wavelets of the summer sea 
 
 Sing out a glad refrain, 
 The bees go humming drowsily 
 
 Across the heather plain. 
 O friends, in Summer's welcome glow 
 
 We'll seek the fountain's brink ; 
 We'll quench our thirst where waters flow, 
 
 And not in, fiery drink ! 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 73 
 
 THIRD GIRL. 
 
 Now Autumn comes with ripe, ripe wheat, 
 
 And bearded barley too ; 
 And grapes are bending, dark and sweet, 
 
 The smiling vineyards through ; 
 The oats are waving in the breeze, 
 
 But soon they'll be low laid ; 
 The apples burn upon the trees, 
 
 The nuts hang in the glade. 
 
 Oh, never crush the barley fair, 
 
 That bloweth brown and free, 
 Into the ale-cup's hidden snare, 
 
 That drags to misery ; 
 Change not the oats that brightly shine 
 
 To whisky's fatal blight, 
 Nor press the grapes to mocking wine, 
 
 But use God's gifts aright, 
 
 FOURTH GIRL. 
 
 Now Winter ends the seasons' train, 
 
 And shivers in the cold ! 
 There's frost upon the window-pane, 
 
 There's snow on hill and wold ; 
 The hungry robin hops anear 
 
 With timid, fluttering wing — 
 But Christmas comes, and glad New Year, 
 
 And joy doth Winter bring. 
 
74 DICK S SPEECHES 
 
 Now friend meets friend, 1 and hearts are warm, 
 
 And smiling looks abound ; 
 You're sheltered safe from chilling storm, 
 
 Where laugh and song go round. 
 And some will urge, " A glass you'll take, 
 
 To keep you from the cold ! " 
 Oh, for your feebler brethren's sake, 
 
 Your pledge of temperance hold ! 
 
 ALL. 
 
 Whate'er the season chance to be — 
 
 In Spring or Summer glow, 
 When Autumn plenty crowns the lea, 
 
 Or winds of Winter blow — 
 Stand free, stand free, while life shall last, 
 
 From chains of sin and fear ; 
 Oh, hold your pledge of temperance fast 
 
 Through all the changing year ! 
 
 THE BOYS SERMON. 
 
 I came to-night to try to preach 
 
 A sermon, if I can ; 
 For little boys can preach to boys 
 
 As well as men to men. 
 
 1 No. i here shakes hands with No. 2, and No. 3 with 
 No. 4. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 75 
 
 I never thought of such a thing 
 
 Until the other day ; 
 I found a text so short and good, 
 
 So hear to what I say. 
 
 " Mind " is my text ; 'tis for you, boys, 
 
 And something that you need. 
 The girls may listen to it all, 
 
 And, what they ought to, heed ! 
 
 First : mind your tongue / Don't let it speak 
 
 An angry, an unkind, 
 A cruel, or a wicked word ; 
 
 Don't let it, boys ; now mind ! 
 
 Mind eyes and ears ! Don't even look 
 
 At wicked books or boys ; 
 From wicked pictures turn away — 
 
 All sinful acts despise. 
 
 And mind your lips ! Tobacco stains ! 
 
 Strong drink, too, keep away ; 
 And let no bad words pass your lips — 
 
 Mind everything you say. 
 
 Mind /lands and feet! Don't let them do 
 
 A single wicked thing ; 
 Don't steal or strike, don't kick or fight. 
 
 Don't walk in paths of sin. 
 
70 DICK S SPEECHES 
 
 But more than all, oh, mind your heart ! 
 
 From Satan turn aside ; 
 Ask Jesus there to make His throne, 
 
 And ever there abide. 
 
 A BABY'S SOLILOQUY. 
 
 I am here. And if this is what they call the world, 
 I don't think much of it. It's a very flannelly world, 
 and smells of paregoric awfully. It's a dreadful light 
 world, too, and makes me blink, I tell you. And I 
 don't know what to do with my hands ; I think I'll 
 dig my fists in my eyes. No, I won't. I'll scratch 
 at the corner of my blanket and chew it up, and then 
 I'll holler ; whatever happens,- I'll holler. And the 
 more paregoric they give me, the louder I'll yell. 
 That old nurse puts the spoon in the corner of my 
 mouth, sidewise like, and keeps tasting my milk her- 
 self all the while. She spilled snuff in it last night, 
 and when I hollered she trotted me. That comes of 
 being a two-days-old baby. Never mind ; w T hen I'm 
 a man I'll pay her back good. There's a pin sticking 
 in me now, and if I say a word about it, I'll be 
 trotted or fed ; and I would rather have catnip-tea. 
 I'll tell you who I am — I found out to-day ; I heard 
 folks say, "Hush! don't wake up Emeline's baby;" 
 and I suppose that pretty, white-faced woman over 
 qii the pillow is Emeline. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 77 
 
 No, I was mistaken ; for a chap was in here just 
 now and wanted to see Bob's baby ; and looked at 
 me and said I was a funny little toad, and looked 
 just like Bob. He smelled of cigars. I wonder who 
 else I belong to ! Yes, there's another one — that's 
 "gamma." " It was gamma's baby, so it was." I 
 declare, I do not know who I belong to ; but I'll 
 holler, and maybe I'll find out. There comes snuffy 
 with catnip-tea. I'm going to sleep. I wonder why 
 my hands won't go where I want them to ! 
 
 MY SHADOW. 
 
 I have a little shadow 
 
 That goes in and out with me ; 
 And what can be the use of him 
 
 Is more than I can see. 
 
 He is very, very like me, 
 
 From the heels up to the head ; 
 And I see him jump before me 
 
 When I jump into my bed. 
 
 The funniest thing about him 
 Is the way he likes to grow — 
 
 Not at all like proper children, 
 Which is always very slow ; 
 
78 dick's speeches 
 
 For he sometimes shoots up taller, 
 Like an india-rubber ball ; 
 
 And he sometimes gets so little 
 That there's none of him at all ! 
 
 He hasn't got a notion 
 
 Of how children ought to play, 
 
 And can only make a fool of me 
 In every sort of way. 
 
 He stays so close beside me, 
 He's a coward you can see ; 
 
 I'd think shame to stick to nursie 
 As that shadow sticks to me 
 
 One morning, very early, 
 Before the sun was up, 
 
 I rose, and found the shining dew 
 On every buttercup ; 
 
 But my lazy little shadow, 
 Like an arrant sleepyhead, 
 
 Had stayed at home behind me 
 And was fast asleep in bed. 
 
 GOOD-MORNING, MERRY SUNSHINE. 
 
 " Good-morning, merry sunshine ! 
 How did you wake so soon ? 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 79 
 
 You've scared the little stars away, 
 
 And shined away the moon. 
 I saw you go to sleep last night 
 
 Before I ceased my playing ; 
 How did you get 'way over there, 
 
 And where have you been staying ? " 
 
 " I never go to sleep, dear child ; 
 
 I just go round to see 
 My little children of the East, 
 
 Who rise and watch for me. 
 I waken all the birds and bees 
 
 And flowers on my way ; 
 And last of all, the little child 
 
 Who stayed out late to play." 
 
 WHAT TO DRI1TK. 
 
 I think that every mother's son, 
 
 And every father's daughter, 
 Should drink, at least till twenty-one, 
 
 Just nothing but cold water; 
 And after that they might drink tea, 
 
 But nothing any stronger. 
 If all folks would agree with me, 
 
 They'd live a great deal longer. 
 
8o dick's speeches 
 
 OCTOBERS PARTY. 
 
 October gave a party ; 
 
 The leaves by hundreds came — 
 The Chestnuts, Oaks, and Maples, 
 
 And leaves of every name. 
 The sunshine spread a carpet, 
 
 And everything was grand ; 
 Miss Weather led the dancing, 
 
 Professor Wind the band. 
 
 The Chestnuts came in yellow, 
 
 The Oaks in crimson drest ; 
 The lovely Misses Maple, 
 
 In scarlet, looked their best. 
 All balanced to their partners, 
 
 And gaily fluttered by ; 
 The sight was like a rainbow 
 
 New-fallen from the sky. 
 
 Then in the rusty hollows 
 
 At hide-and-seek they played ; 
 The party closed at sundown, 
 
 And everybody stayed. 
 Professor Wind played louder ; 
 
 They flew along the ground ; 
 And there the party ended 
 
 In "hands across, all round." 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 8 1 
 
 RING HAPPY BELLS. 
 
 Ring, happy bells of Eastertime ! 
 
 The world is glad to hear your chime ; 
 Across wide fields of melting snow 
 The winds of summer softly blow, 
 
 And birds and streams repeat the chime 
 Of Eastertime. 
 
 Ring, happy bells of Eastertime ! 
 
 The world takes up your chant sublime : 
 " The Lord is risen ! " The night of fear 
 Has passed away, and heaven draws near; 
 
 We breathe the air of that blest clime 
 At Eastertime. 
 
 Ring, happy bells of Eastertime ! 
 
 Our happy hearts give back your chime. 
 
 The Lord is risen ! We die no more ! 
 
 He opens wide the heavenly door; 
 He meets us while to Him we climb 
 At Eastertime. 
 
 AN APRIL FOOL. 
 
 " Welcome, pretty sunshine ! " 
 
 The dainty violet said, 
 As from beneath her leaflets green 
 
 She lifts her little head. 
 
dick's speeches 
 
 " All my friends are fast asleep ; 
 
 Please let them slumber yet, 
 For though you shine so bright and warm, 
 
 The ground is cold and wet." 
 
 The buttercup, soft slumbering still, 
 Now dreams that summer's here, 
 
 And, wakened by the April sun, 
 Believes no frost is near. 
 
 And heedless of the violet's voice — 
 Whose warning words foretell 
 
 Of April's frowns as well as smiles : 
 " For flowers 'tis not well " — 
 
 And thinking oft, as children do, 
 When they their ways will rule, 
 
 The flower peeped, and finding frost, 
 Sighed, " I'm an April fool ! " 
 
 THE CHURCH SPIDER. 
 
 Two spiders — so the story goes — 
 
 Upon a living bent, 
 Entered the meeting-house one day, 
 And hopefully were heard to say, 
 " Here we shall have at least fair play, 
 
 With nothing to prevent." 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. &$ 
 
 Each chose his place and went to work ; 
 
 The light webs grew apace. 
 One on the sofa spun his thread, 
 But shortly came the sexton dread 
 And swept him off ; and so, half dead, 
 
 He sought another place. 
 
 " I'll try the pulpit next," said he — 
 
 " There surely is a prize ; 
 The desk appears so neat and clean, 
 I'm sure no spider there has been ; 
 Besides, how often have I seen 
 
 The pastor brushing flies ! " 
 
 He tried the pulpit, but, alas ! 
 
 His hopes proved visionary ; 
 With dusting-brush the sexton came, 
 And spoilt his geometric game, 
 Nor gave him time nor space to claim 
 
 The right of sanctuary. 
 
 At length, half starved and weak and lean, 
 
 He sought his former neighbor, 
 Who now had grown so sleek and round 
 He weighed the fraction of a pound, 
 And looked as if the art he'd found 
 Of living without labor. 
 
 "How is it, friend," he asked, "that I 
 Endured such thumps and knocks, 
 
DICK'S SPEECHES 
 
 While you have grown so very gross ? " 
 " 'Tis plain," he answered ; " not a loss 
 I've met since first I spun across 
 The contribution box." 
 
 SEPTEMBER. 
 
 The goldenrod is yellow, 
 The corn is turning brown, 
 
 The trees in apple-orchards 
 With fruit are bending down ; 
 
 The gentian's bluest fringes 
 Are curling in the sun ; 
 
 In dusky pods the milkweed 
 Its hidden silk has spun ; 
 
 The sedges flaunt their harvest 
 In every meadow nook, 
 
 And asters by the brook-side 
 Make asters in the brook. 
 
 By all these lovely tokens 
 September days are here, 
 
 With summer's best of weather 
 And autumn's best of cheer. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 8 
 
 b 
 
 TEE MICE. 
 
 The merry mice stay in their holes 
 And hide themselves by day ; 
 
 But when the house is still at night, 
 The rogues come out and play. 
 
 Now here, now there, they trot about ; 
 
 In every hole they peep, 
 To see what they can find to eat 
 
 While we are fast asleep. 
 
 They taste of milk we set for cream, 
 And nibble bread and cheese ; 
 
 They climb upon the pantry shelf, 
 And taste of all they please. 
 
 But if they chance to hear the cat, 
 Their feast will soon be done ; 
 
 Off, off they go to hide themselves, 
 As fast as they can run. 
 
 THE COW. 
 
 The friendly cow, all red and white, 
 
 I love with all my heart ; 
 She gives me milk with all her might, 
 
 To eat with apple-tart. 
 
86 
 
 She wanders lowing here and there — 
 And yet she cannot stray — 
 
 All in the pleasant open air, 
 The pleasant light of day. 
 
 And blown by all the winds that pass, 
 And wet with all the showers, 
 
 She walks among the meadow-grass, 
 And eats the meadow-flowers. 
 
 THE FOUR SEASONS. 
 
 A RECITATION FOR FOUR CHILDREN. 
 
 {If desired, the children may be dressed in character.) 
 
 FIRST CHILD. 
 
 My name is Spring ; I bring warm showers, 
 
 And many a gentle breeze, 
 And crocuses and daffodils, 
 
 And buds on all the trees. 
 
 SECOND CHILD. 
 
 My name is Summer ; in my hands 
 
 I bring the sweetest flowers, 
 And leafy trees, and long, warm days, 
 
 And sunny, golden hours. 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 87 
 
 THIRD CHILD. 
 
 My name is Autumn ; in my time 
 
 I bring the ripened corn, 
 And gayest flowers and richest fruit, 
 
 And frosty eve and morn. 
 
 FOURTH CHILD. 
 
 My name is Winter ; when I come 
 
 I lay the plants to sleep, 
 And cover them from wind and frost, 
 
 With snowy mantle deep. 
 
 FIRST CHILD. 
 
 When I draw near, the little lambs 
 
 Begin to bleat and play ; 
 And birds begin to sing and build, 
 
 And longer grows the day. 
 
 SECOND CHILD. 
 
 When I draw near, the farmer sends 
 
 His men to cut the grass ; 
 O'er all the land the scent of hay 
 
 Blows sweetly as I pass. 
 
 THIRD CHILD. 
 
 When I draw near, to reap the corn 
 
 The merry reapers go ; 
 The farmer stores his roots and grain 
 
 Before the winter's snow. 
 
88 dick's speeches 
 
 fourth child. 
 
 When I draw near, the fields are bare, 
 
 But fires more brightly burn ; 
 And gentle hearts with kindly help 
 
 To poor and needy turn. 
 I bring the joyful Christmas-tide, 
 
 The happiest in the year ; 
 So, spite of all my gloom and cold, 
 
 The children hold me dear. 
 
 ALL. 
 
 We come with ever-varying gifts 
 
 And ever-changing faces ; 
 But One who never changes sets 
 
 Our duties and our places. 
 Not one alone, but all alike, 
 
 We do His blessed will ; 
 By heat and cold, by sun and shower, 
 
 We seasons serve Him still. 
 
 LITTLE HELPERS. 
 
 RECITATION FOR A LITTLE GIRL. 
 
 Washing and wiping the dishes, 
 Bringing in wood from the shed, 
 
 Ironing, sweeping, and dusting, 
 Trying to make well our bed, 
 
FOR TINY TOTS. 89 
 
 Taking good care of the baby, 
 
 Watching her lest she might fall — 
 
 We little children are busy, 
 For there is work for us all. 
 
 Reading the paper for grandma, 
 
 Who sits by the stove busy knitting, 
 Setting the table for supper, 
 
 Or on errands fast we're flitting ; 
 Driving the cows to the pasture, 
 
 Feeding the horse in the stall, 
 We little children are busy — 
 
 Yes, there is work for us all. 
 
 A SERMON IN RHYME. 
 
 If you have a friend worth loving, 
 Love him. Yes, and let him know 
 
 That you love him, ere life's evening 
 Tinge his brow with sunset glow. 
 
 Why should good words ne'er be said 
 
 Of a friend — till he is dead ? 
 
 If you hear a song that thrills you, 
 Sung by any child of song, 
 
 Praise it. Do not let the singer 
 Wait deserved praises long. 
 
 Why should one who thrills your heart 
 
 Lack the joy you may impart ? 
 
90 DICK S SPEECHES 
 
 If you hear a prayer that moves you 
 By its humble, pleading tone, 
 
 Join it. Do not let the seeker 
 Bow before his God alone. 
 
 Why should not your brother share 
 
 The strength of " two or three " in prayer ? 
 
 Scatter ever seeds of kindness, 
 
 All enriching as you go ; 
 Leave them. Trust the Harvest-giver — 
 
 He will make each seed to grow ; 
 And until its happy end 
 Your life shall never lack a friend. 
 
Dick & Fitzgerald 
 
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 HOW TO SEND MONEY. 
 
 ^ In remitting by mail the safest means are a Post-office 
 or Express Money Order, or a Draft on a New York Bank, 
 payable to Dick & "Fitzgerald. When these are not pro- 
 curable, Cash (or a Postal Note) should be sent in a Regis- 
 tered Detter. Unused United States Postage Stamps, of 
 the denomination of Ten Cents or under, will be taken as 
 cash in amounts less than One Dollar. Soiled Stamps, 
 Postage Stamps other than those of the United States, an/ 
 personal oheeks or drafts on local thanks cannot be acespte'' 
 
FOR VERY LITTLE CHILDREN. 
 
 tittle Lines for Little Speakers. Containing short and easy 
 
 Pieces for Children, entirely new and original, suitable for Juvenile 
 Exhibitions and Entertainments. By Clara J. Denton. For convenience 
 in making selections, the First Part contains short and easy pieces for 
 boys and girls of seven to ten years of age ; in the Second Part are shorter 
 and easier pieces for little children ranging from four to seven years ; the 
 Third Part consists of pieces for Special Occasions, such as First and Last 
 day of School, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Washington's Birthday, 
 Fourth of July, Weddings, Salutatory and Valedictory Speeches, etc. The 
 Pieces are prominently notable for their originality, simplicity, and effec- 
 tive humor. Paper covers 15 cts. 
 
 i)ick's Little Speeches for Little Speakers. Containing 
 
 original and Selected Recitations, bright, easy, and effective, well adapted 
 for Young Children and little Tots, and suitable for Children's Entertain- 
 ments of every description. This little book offers a variety of over one 
 hundred patriotic, serious, instructive and humorous pieces for boys and 
 girls, very carefully selected and exceedingly effective, ranging from 
 pieces of one or two simple couplets for the four- year-old pets, to the more 
 pretentious Recitations for children of ten years of age, easily memorized, 
 and Suitable for general and special occasions. Paper covers 15 cts. 
 
 Dick's Little Dialogues for Little People. Consisting of 
 
 Original and Selected Dialogues specially adapted for performance by 
 Young and quite young children in Sunday School and other Juvenile 
 Entertainments. The Dialogues range from the very easiest and simplest 
 for very small children to those suitable for girls and boys of nine or ten 
 years of age, in which some dramatic scope is introduced, but entirely 
 within their capabilities ; including also Dialogues for Patriotic occasions, 
 for opening and closing Anniversary Exhibitions, and others requiring a 
 number of speakers for their performance. Some of the Dialogues are on 
 serious and instructive subjects, but the majority are full of sparkling 
 wit and. effective humor. Faper covers. 15 cts. 
 
 Dick's Choice Pieces for Little Children. A Collection of 
 
 real nice little Speeches, original and selected, and just the thing for 
 Young Children in School Exhibitions and other Juvenile Entertainments. 
 The pieces are mainly short and easily memorized, suitable for boys and 
 girls from four to ten years of age ? including selections appropriate for 
 Arbor Day, Christmas and other special occasions ; also a short Christmas 
 Pantomime for quite little children, and Prologues and Epilogues specially 
 adapted for young people. Some of the pieces are original, and all are 
 bright and entertaining. Paper covers 15 cts. 
 
 Holmes' Very Little Dialogues for Very Little Folks. 
 
 Containing forty -seven new and original Dialogues, with short and easy 
 parts, mainly in words of one syllable and entirely suited to the capacity 
 and comprehension of very young children. By Alice Holmes. The short 
 conversations combine good moral tone with a great deal of humor, and 
 are suitable for any entertainment in which very small children take 
 part. It contains a very amusing piece for Santa Claus and a large num- 
 ber of little tots . Paper covers 30 cts. 
 
 Xavanauglfs Comic Dialogues and Pieces for Little Chil- 
 
 (*r°ll. Comprising short and easy original pieces for Sunday School and 
 other exhibitions. By Mrs. Russell Kavanaugh. This book includes 
 several amusing Christmas Pieces, introducing a novel Christmas Tree 
 in which twe;rcy-ons little Girls take part ; a complete set of speeches for 
 representing the different festivals during the year ; a Floral Festival for 
 twelve performers; and a great number of Dialogues and Recitations 
 entirely suitable for young and very email boys and girls. Every thing is 
 written in the simplest style, easily learned and comprehended by young 
 children. Paper covers 30 cts« 
 
MODEL SPEECHES AND SKELETON ESSAYS, 
 
 Ogden's Model Speeches for all School Occasions. Con. 
 
 taining Original Addresses and Orations on everything appertaining tc 
 School Life ; comprising Set Speeches on all occasions connected with 
 Schools, Academies and Colleges, for School Officers, as well as for 
 Teachers and Students of both sexes, with appropriate replies. By 
 Christol Ogden. 
 
 This original work contains over one-hundred telling speeches and 
 replies in well-chosen words, and every variety of style, for 
 
 All Kinds of School Ceremonials. 
 Speeches on Opening and Dedicating 
 
 New Schools and Academies. 
 Salutatory and Valedictory Addresses. 
 Presentations and Conferring Honors. 
 
 Burlesque Speeches. 
 
 A ddresses to Teachers. 
 
 Prologues and Epilogues for Softool 
 
 Exhibitions. 
 Anniversary Congratulations. 
 
 Including practical hints on Extempore speaking with a dissertation on 
 the selection of appropriate topics, suitable style, and effective delivery, 
 and also valuable advice to those who lack confidence when addressing 
 
 the Public . Paper. . , ...... 3 . , 50 eta. 
 
 Bound in boards 75 cts. 
 
 Ogden's Skeleton Essays; or Authorship in Outline. Con- 
 sisting of Condensed Treatises on popular subjects, with references to 
 sources of information, and directions how to enlarge them into Essays, 
 or expand them into Lectures. Fully elucidated by example as well as 
 precept. By Christol Ogden. 
 
 In this work is a thorough analysis of some SEVENTY prominent and 
 popular subjects, with extended specimens of the method of enlarging 
 them into Essays and Lectures . 
 
 The following interesting topics are separately and ably argued on both 
 sides of the question, thus presenting also well digested matt"^r for 
 Debate, being on subjects of absorbing interest everywhere :— 
 
 Bi-MeU, lism . Th e Credit System. 
 
 Civil Service Reform. Free Trade and Protection. 
 
 Prohibition. Capital Punishment. 
 
 Is Marriage a Failure? Shall More or Lest be Taught trt 
 
 City and Country. Public Schools. 
 
 ill the remaining subjects are equally thoroughly discussed, and form a 
 valuable aid to the student in preparing compositions, essays, etc. 
 
 Paper 50 cts. 
 
 Bound in boards , „ . , c 75 cts. 
 
 Dick's Book of Toasts, Speeches and Responses. Con- 
 taining Toasts and Sentiments for Public and Social Occa&ions, and speci* 
 men Speeches with appropriate replies suitable for the following occasions: 
 
 Public Dinners. 
 Social Dinners. 
 Convivial Gatherings. 
 Art and Professional Banquets. 
 Agricultural and Commercial Festivals. 
 Special Toasts for Ladies. 
 Christmas, Thanksgiving and other 
 Festivals. 
 
 Friendly Meetings. 
 Weddings and their Anniversaries. 
 Army and Navy Banquets. 
 Patriotic and Political Occasions. 
 Trades' Unions and Dinners. 
 Benedicts' and Bachelors' Banquets. 
 Masonic Celebrations. 
 A 11 Kinds of Occasions. 
 
 This work includes an instructive diseertati on on the Artof making amusing 
 After-dinner Speeches, giving hints and directions by the aid of which 
 persons with only ordinary intelligence can make an entertainirjg and 
 telling speech. Also, Correct Rules and Advice for Presiding at Table. 
 
 The use of this work will render a poor and diffident speaker fluent and 
 witty — and a good speaker better and wittier, besides affording an im- 
 mense fund of anecdotes, wit and wisdom, and other serviceable matter 
 
 to draw upon atwilL F&per , 30 cts. 
 
 Bound iabQ*rdi«, 99 * ,,„ , ^ 50cta» 
 
Frost's Dialogues for Young Polks. A Collection of OrigL 
 
 nal, Moral and Humorous Dialogues. Adapted to the use of School and 
 Church Exhibitions, Family Gatherings and Juvenile Celebrations on aB 
 Occasions. By S. A. Frost. 
 
 Contents. 
 
 Novel Reading 
 
 The Bound Girl 
 
 Writing a Letter 
 
 The Wonderful Scholar 
 
 Slfing 
 
 The Language of Flowers . 
 
 The Morning Call 
 
 The Spoiled Child 
 
 The Little Travelers 
 
 Little Things 
 
 Generosity 
 
 Country Cousins 
 
 "Winning the Prize ...... 
 
 The Unfortunate Scholar. . 
 The Day of Misfortunes . . . 
 
 Jealousy 
 
 The May Queen 
 
 Temptation Resisted. 
 
 
 
 1 
 
 1 
 
 
 4 
 
 
 2 
 
 1 
 
 2 
 
 4 
 
 
 
 4 
 
 
 4 
 
 
 4 
 
 2 
 
 2 
 
 1 
 
 1 
 
 
 2 
 
 
 4 
 
 
 2 
 
 
 4 
 
 3 
 
 
 1 
 
 3 
 
 
 5 
 
 3 
 
 
 Contents. 
 
 A Flace for Everything 
 
 I Want to be a Soldier 
 
 Self-Denial 
 
 The Traveler 
 
 Idleness the Mother of Evil. . 
 
 The French Lesson 
 
 Civility Never Lost 
 
 Who Works the Hardest ?. . . 
 
 The Everlasting Talker 
 
 The Epicure 
 
 True Charity 
 
 Starting in Life 
 
 I Didn't Mean Anything 
 
 Ambition 
 
 Choosing a Trade 
 
 The Schoolmaster Abroad... 
 
 White Lies .,. 
 
 The Hoyden 
 
 16mo, Paper Covers. Price 30 Cts. 
 
 Bound in Boards % ...50 cts. 
 
 Frost's New Book of Dialogues. A series of entirely new and 
 
 original humorous Dialogues, specially adapted for performance at School 
 Anniversaries and Exhibitions, or other Festivals and Celebrations of the 
 Young Folks. 
 
 Contents. 
 
 Elang versus Dictionary 
 
 Country or City 
 
 Turning the Tables 
 
 The Force of Imagination. . . . 
 
 The Modern Eobinson Crusoe. 
 
 The Threatened Visit 
 
 The Dandy and the Boor 
 
 Nature versus Education 
 
 The British Lion and Ameri- 
 can Hoosier 
 
 Curing a Pedamt 
 
 Pursuit of Knowledge mnder 
 Difficulties 
 
 The Daily Governess 
 
 The Army and Navy 
 
 Economy is Wealth 
 
 Contents. 
 
 The Intelligence Office. , 
 
 Cats 
 
 Too Fine and Too Plain 
 
 The Fourth of July Oration. . 
 
 The Sewing Circle 
 
 Fix 
 
 The Yankee Aunt 
 
 The Walking Encyclopedia.., 
 
 The Novel Readers 
 
 The Model Farmer 
 
 Buying a Se wing-Machine.., 
 
 Sam Weller's Valentine 
 
 The Hungry Traveler , 
 
 Deaf as a Post 
 
 The Kehearsal 
 
 I 
 
 TheseDialogu.es are admirably adapted foT home performance, as they r* 
 fuiie no »et scenery for their representation. By S. A. Frost. 180 pages, 16mo. 
 
 paper covers. Price 30 Cts, 
 
 Jtouad in boards, cloth baok,~ **..„...-.-~~. ...... *—.-.~... 60 cts. 
 
McBllde's New Dialogues. Specially designed for School 
 and Literary Entertainments. Entirely new and introducing ecoeiitrif 
 and dialect characters. By H. Elliott McBride. 
 
 Contents. 
 
 A Happy Woman 
 
 The Somnambulist 
 
 Those Thompsons 
 
 Playing School. 
 
 Tom and Sally 
 
 Assisting Hezekiah 
 
 A Visit to the Oil Regions. 
 Breaking up the Exhibition.. . 
 
 Turning Around , 
 
 A Little Boys' Debate. . . 
 
 The Silver Lining 
 
 Restraining Jotham 
 
 An Uncomfortable Predica- 
 ment 
 
 Illuminated paper covers. Price. 
 Bound in boards 
 
 ts o 
 
 3 
 
 1 
 
 5 
 
 1 
 
 1 
 
 1 
 
 8 
 
 
 2 
 
 2 
 
 2 
 
 1 
 
 4 
 
 2 
 
 6 
 
 
 4 
 
 
 4 
 
 
 1 
 
 2 
 
 5 
 
 4 
 
 2 
 
 3 
 
 Contents. 
 
 A Shoemaker's Troubles 
 
 The Opening Speech 
 
 The Cucumber-Hill Debating 
 
 Club 
 
 Married by the New Justice . . 
 
 Bread on the Waters 
 
 An Unsuccessful Advance .... 
 When Women Have Their 
 
 Rights 
 
 Only Another Footprint.... 
 
 Rosabella's Lover 
 
 A Smart Boy 
 
 A Heavy Shower , 
 
 Master of the Situation 
 
 » 3 
 4 X 
 
 .30 cts. 
 .50 cts. 
 
 McBride's Temperance Dialogues. Intended for the use of 
 
 Schools, Temperance Societies and Home Performance, introducing vari- 
 ous dialect characters. By H. Elliott McBride. 
 
 & 9 
 
 Contents. 
 
 Acting Drunk 
 
 Banishing the Bitters , 
 
 The Poisoned Darkies 
 
 A Meeting of Liquor Dealers. , 
 
 Out of the Depths 
 
 The March of Intemperance. , 
 
 Maud's Command 
 
 A Beer-Drinker's Courtship . . 
 
 4 
 
 
 3 
 
 1 
 
 3 
 
 
 5 
 
 
 5 
 
 2 
 
 3 
 
 1 
 
 2 
 
 3 
 
 3 
 
 1 | 
 
 Contents. 
 
 Ralph Coleman's Reformation 
 
 Barney's Resolution 
 
 Commencing to Work 
 
 A Temperance Meeting 
 
 The Closing of " The Eagle " . 
 Don't Marry a Drunkard to Re- 
 form Him 
 
 Obtaining a Promise 
 
 Illuminated paper covers. Price 30 cts. 
 
 Bound in boards 50 Cts 
 
 McBride's Humorous Dialogues* Designed for School Ex- 
 hibitions and Juvenile Entertainments. By H. Elliott McBride, Entirely 
 original and full of humor and eccentricities. 
 
 Contents. 
 
 Contents. 
 
 Striking the Blow , 
 
 Curing the Borrowers 
 
 Another Arrangement 
 
 Scene in the Bobtown School. 
 
 Mrs. Bolivar's Quilting 
 
 A Rumpus 
 
 Scene in a Railway Station . . . 
 
 A Pantaloon Fight 
 
 Illuminated paper covers. Price. ...... 30 cts* 
 
 Bound in Boards 50 Cts. 
 
 1 
 
 4 
 
 3 
 
 3 
 
 2 
 
 2 
 
 9 
 
 
 
 6 
 
 
 4 
 
 4 
 
 2 
 
 1 
 
 2 
 
 A Boys* Meeting * 
 
 A Happy Family 
 
 A Farmers' Meeting 
 
 Uncle Sam's Wars 
 
 Riches Have Wings .... 
 The Reclaimed Father . , 
 Leaving Jonah. ........ 
 
Kavanangh's Juvenile Speaker. For very little boys and 
 girls. Containing short and easily-learned Speeches and 
 Dialogues, expressly adapted for School Celebrations, May- 
 Day Festivals and other Children's Entertainments. By Mrs. 
 Russell Kavanaugh. This book is just the thing for Teachers, 
 as it gives a great number of short pieces for children from 
 five to ten years of age, with directions for appropriate dresses. 
 It contains nearly fifty Speeches and Recitations ; besides 
 the following attractive Dialogues : 
 
 GO 
 
 QQ f 
 
 >? 
 
 
 o 
 
 
 PQ 
 
 
 
 
 13 
 
 1 
 
 12 
 
 1 
 
 1 
 
 3 
 
 2 
 
 2 
 
 1 
 
 1 
 
 2 
 
 
 2 
 
 2 
 
 
 The Love-Scrape 
 
 An Ola Ballad 
 
 The Milkmaid. 
 
 Billy Grimes, the Drover. . . 
 Honesty the Best Policy 
 
 Baby Bye 
 
 Helping Papa and Mamma. 
 The Little Mushrooms 
 
 Opening Song- 
 
 Opening Recitation 
 
 An Interrupted Recitation 
 
 A Joyful Surprise , 
 
 How He Had Him 
 
 Poetry, Prose, and Fact. . , 
 Small Pitchers have Large Ears 
 The Young Critic 
 
 It includes a complete May-Day Festival, with opening 
 chorus and appropriate speeches for nineteen boys and girls. 
 It introduces the May-Pole Dance, plainly described, and 
 forming a very attractive and pleasing exhibition. 
 
 16mo, Illuminated Paper Cover. Price. , . . . 30 cts. 
 
 16mo, Boards 50 cts. 
 
 Kavanaugh's Exhibition Reciter, for Very Little Children. 
 
 A collection of entirely Original Recitations, Dialogues, and 
 Short Speeches, adapted for very little boys and girls ; includ- 
 ing also a variety of pieces, Humorous, Serious, and Dram- 
 atic, suitable for children from three to ten years old, for 
 Public and Private School Exhibitions and other Juvenile 
 Entertainments. It contains over fifty Speeches and Recita- 
 tions for single performers, and in concert ; and the following 
 Dialogues : 
 
 The Gipsy's Warning 
 
 The Power of Justice 
 
 The Months 
 
 The Four Queens 
 
 Repartee 
 
 The Midgets' Greeting. 
 
 The Five Wishes 
 
 Poor Old Maids c 
 
 The Old Year Out and the New 
 
 Year In 
 
 Scene from " Robin Hood 
 
 A 
 
 QQ 
 
 >> 
 
 
 o 
 
 
 PQ 
 
 o 
 
 1 
 
 2 
 
 1 
 
 9 
 
 3 
 
 9 
 
 2 
 
 4 
 
 1 
 
 1 
 
 1 
 
 1 
 
 
 6 
 
 
 6 
 
 6 
 
 6 
 
 6 
 
 
 The Fairy's Revenge .... 
 An Old-Time Breakdown. 
 
 MUSIC. 
 
 The Gipsy's Warning , 
 
 Jewels Bright 
 
 Baby Fair 
 
 Gentle Zitella 
 
 Tell Me, Where do Fairies 
 Dwell ? 
 
 It also includes a May-Day Festival for very little children, 
 and a number of beautiful Speaking Tableaux. By the 
 author of "Kavanaugh's Juvenile Speaker." 
 
 Bound in Illuminated Paper Covers 30 Cts. 
 
 Bound in Illuminated Board Covers 50 Cts, 
 
Dick's Dutch, French and Yankee Dialect Recitations? 
 
 An unsurpassed Collection of Droll Dutch Blunders.Frenchmen's Funny Mistakes,an& 
 Ludicrous and Extravagant Yankee Yarns, each Recitation being in its own dialect. 
 
 Der Nighd Pehind Grisd- 
 
 mas. 
 The Dutchman's Snake. 
 Yoppy's Yarder und Hees 
 
 Drabbles. 
 Dhree Shkaders. 
 Katrina Likes Me Poody 
 
 Yell. 
 Hans in a Fix. 
 Leedle Yawcob Strauss. 
 How a Dutchman was Done. 
 Dot Lambs vot Mary Haf 
 
 Got. 
 The Yankee and the Dutch- 
 man's Dog. 
 Zwei Lager. 
 Schneider's Ride. 
 The Dutchman and the 
 
 Small -pox. 
 Tiamondts on der Prain. 
 A Dutchman's Testimony 
 
 in a Steamboat Case. 
 Hans Breitmann and the 
 
 Turners. 
 
 FRENCH DIALECT. 
 The Frenchman's Dilemma; 
 
 or, Number Five Collect 
 
 Street. 
 The Frenchman's Revenge. 
 Noozell and the Organ 
 
 Grinder. 
 How a Frenchman Enter- 
 tained John BulL 
 Mr. Rogers and Monsieur 
 
 Deaise. 
 The Frenchman and the 
 
 Landlord. 
 The Frenchman and the 
 
 Sheep's Trotters. 
 
 A Frenchman's Account of 
 the Fall. 
 
 I Yant to Fly. 
 
 The Generous FrenchM&n. , 
 
 The Frenchman and the 
 Flea Powder. 
 
 The Frenchman and the 
 Rats. 
 
 Monsieur Tonson. 
 
 Yat You Please. 
 
 The Frenchman and the 
 Mosquitoes. 
 
 The Frenchman's Patent 
 Screw. 
 
 The Frenchman's Mistake. 
 
 Monsieur Mocquard Be- 
 tween Two Fires. 
 
 DUTCH DIALECT. 
 Der Mule Sbtood on der 
 
 Steamboad Deck. 
 Go Vay, Becky Miller. 
 Der Drummer. 
 Mvgel Snyder's Barty. 
 Snyder's Nose. 
 Dyin' Yords of Isaac. 
 Fritz mid I. 
 
 Betsey und I Hafe Bust Fb. 
 Schneider sees Leah. 
 Dot Funny Leetle Baby. 
 Schnitzeri's Philosopede. 
 Der Dog und der Lobster. 
 Schlosser's Ride. 
 Mine Katrine. 
 Maud Muller. 
 Ein Deutsches Lied. 
 Hans and Fritz. 
 Schneider's Tomatoes. 
 Deitsche Advertisement. 
 Yas Bender Henshpecked. 
 Life, Liberty and Lager. 
 Der Coot Lookin' Shnow. 
 Mr. Schmidt's Mistake. 
 Home Again. 
 Dot Surprise Party. 
 Der Wreck of der'Hezberus. 
 Isaac Rosenthal on the 
 
 Chinese Question. 
 Hans Breitmann's Party. 
 Shoo Flies. 
 
 A Dutchman's Answer. 
 How Jake Schneider Went 
 
 Blind. 
 I Yash so Glad I Yash Here. 
 The Dutchman and the 
 
 Yankee. 
 How the Dutchman Killed 
 
 the Woodchuck. 
 
 This Collection contains all the best dialect pieces that are incidentally scattered 
 through alarge number of volumes of " Recitations and Readings," besides new and 
 
 excellent sketches never before published. 170 pages, paper cover 30 cts. 
 
 Bound in boards, cloth back 50 cts. 
 
 YANKEE DIALECT. 
 
 Mrs. Bean's Courtship. 
 Hez and the Landlord. 
 Squire Billings' Pickerel. 
 Deacon Thrush in Meetings 
 The Yankee Fireside. 
 Peter Sorghum in Love. 
 Mrs. Smart Learns how to 
 
 Skate. 
 Capt. Hurricane Jones om 
 
 the Miracles. 
 The Dutchman and the 
 
 Yankee. 
 The Yankee Landlord. 
 The Bewitched Clock. 
 The Yankee and the Dutch- 
 
 man's Dog. 
 Aunt Hetty on Matrimony. 
 The Court in'. 
 Ehenezer on a Bust. 
 Sut Lovingood's Shirt. 
 
 Dick's Irish Dialect Recitations. A carefully compiled Collec- 
 
 tion of Rare Irish Stories, Comic, Poetical and Prose Recitations, Humoroas Letters 
 and Funny Recitals,all told with the irresistible Humor of the Irish dialect. Containing 
 
 Biddy's Troubles. 
 
 Birth of St. Patrick. The. 
 
 Bridget O'Hoolegoin's Lat- 
 ter. 
 
 Connor. 
 
 Dermot O'Dowd. 
 
 Dick Macnamara's Matri- 
 monial Adventures. 
 
 Dying Confession of Paddy 
 M'Cabe. 
 
 Father Molloy. 
 
 Father Phil Blake's Collec- 
 tion. 
 
 Father Roach. 
 
 Fight of Hell-Kettle, The. 
 
 Handy Andy's Little Mis- 
 takes. 
 
 How Dennis Took the 
 Pledge. 
 
 How Pat Saved his Bacon. 
 
 Irish Astronomy. 
 
 Irish Coquetry. 
 Irish Drummer, The. 
 Irish Letter, An. 
 Irish Philosopher, The. 
 Irish Traveler, The. 
 Irishman's Panorama, The. 
 Jimmy McBride's Letter. 
 J immv Butler and the OwL 
 King O'Toole and St. Kevin. 
 Kitty Malone. 
 Love in the Kitchen. 
 Micky Free and the Priest. 
 Miss Malony on the Chinese 
 
 Question. 
 Mr. O'Hoolahan's Mistake. 
 Paddy Blake's Echo. 
 Paddy Pagan's Pedigree. 
 Paddy McGrath and the 
 
 Bear. 
 Paddy O'Rafther. 
 Paddy the Piper. 
 
 Paddy's Dream. 
 
 Pat and the Fox. 
 
 Pat and the Gridiron, 
 
 Pat and his Musket. 
 
 Pat and the Oysters. 
 
 Pat's Criticism. 
 
 Pat's Letter. 
 
 Pat O'Flanigan's Colt. 
 
 Patrick O'Rouke and the 
 
 Frogs. 
 Paudeen O'Rafferty's Say 
 
 Voyage. 
 Peter Mulrooney and the 
 
 Black Filly. 
 Phaidrig Crohoore. 
 Rory O'More's Present to 
 
 the Priest. 
 St. Kevin. 
 
 Teddy O'Toole's Six Bulls. 
 Wake of Tim O'Hara, The. 
 Widow Cuinmiskey, The. 
 
 This Collection contains, in addition to new and original pieces, all the very best 
 Recitations in the Irish dialect that can be gathered from a whole library of "Recita- 
 tion " books. It is full of sparkling witticisms and it furnishes also a fund of entertain- 
 ing matter for perusal in leisure moments. 170 pages, paper cover 30 eti. 
 
 Bound in boards, cloth hack « ■«9«i«f«ttt&Q eta. 
 
Tambo's End-Men's Minstrel Gags. Containing some of the 
 
 best Jokes and Repartees of the most celebrated "burnt cork" performers of out 
 day. Tambo and Bones in all sorts and manner of scrapes. This Book is full ol 
 Burnt-Cork Drolleries, Funny Stories, Colored Conundrums, Gags and Witty Repar- 
 tee, all the newest side-splitting conversations between Tambo, Bones, and the In- 
 terlocutor, and will be found useful alike to the professional and amateur performer. 
 Contents ; 
 
 JL Bird that «an't be 
 Plucked 
 
 Annihilating Time 
 
 At Last 
 
 Bashful 
 
 Bet, The 
 
 Big Fortune, A 
 
 Blackberrying 
 
 Black Swan, The 
 
 Bones and his little Game '. 
 
 Bones and the Monkey 
 Tricks 
 
 Bones as a Fortune Teller 
 
 Bones as a Legitimate Ac- 
 tor 
 
 Bones as a Pilot 
 
 Bones as a Prize Fighter 
 
 Bones asa" Stugent " 
 
 Bones as a Traveler 
 
 Bones as a Victim to the 
 Pen 
 
 Bones as a Walkist 
 
 Bones assists at the Per- 
 formance of a New Piece 
 
 Bones attends a Seance 
 
 Bones finds Himself Fa- 
 mous 
 
 Bones gets Dunned 
 
 Bones gets Stuck 
 
 Bones has a Small Game 
 with the Parson 
 
 Bones' Horse Race 
 
 Bones in an Affair of Honor 
 
 Bones in Love 
 
 Bones keeps a Boarding 
 House 
 
 Bones on the "War Path 
 
 Bones on George Washing- 
 ton 
 
 Bones on the Light Fantas- 
 tic 
 
 Bones Opens a Spout Shop 
 
 Bones Plays O'Fella 
 
 Bones sees a Ghost 
 
 Bones Slopes with Sukey 
 siy 
 
 Bones tells a "Fly " Story 
 
 Brother will come home to- 
 night 
 
 Bones as a Carpet Bagger 
 
 Bones as an Inkslinger 
 
 Bones in a New Character 
 
 Bones in Clover 
 
 Bones' Love Scrape 
 
 "Cullud" Ball, The 
 
 Conundrums 
 
 Curious Boy 
 
 Dancing Mad 
 
 Dat's What jl'd Like to 
 Know 
 
 Definitions 
 
 De Mudder of Inwention 
 
 Difference, The 
 
 Don't Kiss every Puppy 
 
 11 Far Away in Alabam' " 
 
 First White Man, The 
 
 Fishy Argument 
 
 Four-Eleven-Forty-Four 
 
 Four Meetings, The 
 
 From the Poiks 
 
 Girl at the Sewing Ma- 
 chine 
 
 Hard Times 
 
 Hard to take a Hint 
 
 Heavy Spell, A 
 
 Highfalutin' 
 
 Horrible 1 
 
 How Bones became a Min- 
 strel 
 
 How Tambo took his Bit- 
 ters 
 
 How to do it 
 
 Everything new and rich. Paper coverg 
 Bound in boards, with cloth back 
 
 Impulsive Oration 
 
 Inquisitive 
 
 Jeallusest of her Sect 
 
 Legal Problem, A 
 
 Liberal Discount for Cash 
 
 Manager in a Fix, The 
 
 Mathematics 
 
 Merry Life, A 
 
 Momentous Question 
 
 Mosquitoes 
 
 Music 
 
 Notes 
 
 Ob Course 
 
 Our Shop Girls 
 
 Pomp and Ephy Green 
 
 Presidency on de Brain 
 
 Proposed Increase of Taxes 
 
 Railroad Catastrophe 
 
 Reality versus Romance 
 
 Rough on Tambo 
 
 Sassy Sam and Susie Long 
 
 School's In 
 
 Shakespeare with a Ven- 
 geance 
 
 Simple Sum In Arithmetic 
 
 Sleighing in the Park 
 
 Sliding Down the Hill 
 
 Style 
 
 Sublime 
 
 Swearing by Proxy 
 
 Tambo's Traveling Agent 
 
 That Dear Old Home 
 
 11 The Pervisions, Josiar " 
 
 Thieves 
 
 Tonsorial 
 
 Toast, A 
 
 Uncle Eph's Lament 
 
 Waiting to See Him Off 
 
 You Bet 
 
 And 40 popular songs and 
 dances. 
 
 SOcts. 
 50cts. 
 
 McBride's Comic Speeches and Recitations. Designed for 
 
 Schools, Literary and Social Circles- By H. Elliott McBrlde, Author of "McBride's 
 Humorous Dialogues," etc., etc. This is one of the very best series of original 
 speeches, in Yankee, Darkey, Spread-Eagle and village styles, with a number ot 
 diverting addresses and recitations, and funny stories, forming an excellent volum* 
 of selections for supplying the humorous element of an exhibition. Contents : 
 
 A BtLrst of Indignation 
 Disco'se by a Colored Man 
 A Trumpet Sarmon 
 Sarmon on Skilletvillers 
 Nancy Matilda Jones 
 Hezeklah'8 Proposal 
 About the Billikinses 
 Betey and I are Out Once 
 
 More 
 A Stump Speech 
 About Katharine 
 Deborah Doolittle's Speech 
 
 on Women's Rights 
 A Salutatory 
 A. Mournful Story 
 
 Paper covert, illuminated 
 Board cot**"^ illuminated 
 
 An Address to Schoolboys 
 
 Zachariah Popp's Court- 
 ship and Marriage 
 
 A Sad Story 
 
 How to Make Hasty Pud- 
 ding 
 
 My Matilda Jane 
 
 Courtship, Marriage, Sep- 
 aration and Reunion 
 
 Lecture by a Yankee 
 
 A Colored Man's Disco'se 
 on Different Subjects 
 
 A Girl's Address to Boys 
 
 McSwinger's Fate 
 
 Peter Peabody's Stump 
 Speech 
 
 Mr. Styx Rejoices on Ac- 
 count of a New Well 
 Spring 
 
 Victuals and Drink 
 
 Speech by Billy Higgins on 
 the Destruction of His 
 Rambo Apple Tree 
 
 A Boy's Address to Young 
 Ladies 
 
 An Old Man's Address to 
 Young Wives 
 
 Salu-ta-tat-u-a-ry 
 
 Valedictory. 
 
 SOeta, 
 
Beecher's Recitations and Readings. Humorous, Serious, 
 
 Dramatic. Designed for Public and Private Exhibitions. Contents : 
 
 Miss Maloney at the Den- 
 tist's 
 Lost and Found 
 Mygel Snyder's Barty 
 Magdalena 
 
 Jim W olfe and the Cats 
 The Woolen Doll 
 The Cbarity Dinner 
 Go-Morrow ; or, Lots "Wife 
 The Wind and the Moon 
 Dyin' Words of Isaac 
 Maude Muller in Dutch 
 Moses the Sassy 
 Yarn of the " Nancy Bell " 
 Paddy the Piper 
 Schneider sees "Leah " 
 Caldwell of Springfield 
 Artemus Ward's Panorama 
 Tale of a Servant Girl 
 How a Frenchman Enter- 
 tained John Bull 
 Tiamondts on der Prain 
 King Robert of Sicily 
 Gloverson the Mormon 
 De Pint wid Ole Pete 
 Pat and the Pig 
 The Widow Bedott's Letter 
 Paper covers. Price 
 Bound in boards, cloth back 
 
 The Cry of the Children 
 
 The Dutchman and the 
 Smajl-pox 
 
 Sculpin 
 
 E^ts— Descriptive Recita- 
 tion 
 
 A Reader Introduces Him- 
 self to an Audience 
 
 A Dutchman's Dolly Var- 
 den 
 
 ** Rock of Ages" 
 
 Feeding the Black Fillies 
 
 The Hornet 
 
 The Glove and the Lions 
 
 I Vant to Fly 
 
 That Dog of Jim Smiley's 
 The Faithful Soul 
 
 II My New Pittayatees " 
 Mary Ann's Wedding 
 An Inquiring Yankee 
 The Three Bells 
 
 Love in a Balloon 
 
 Mrs. Brown on the Streets 
 
 Shoo Flies 
 
 Discourse by the Rev. Mr. 
 
 Bosan 
 Without the Children 
 
 Sign or Billsmethi's Dano- 
 ing Academy 
 
 Der Goot Lookin Shnow 
 
 The Jumping Frog 
 
 The Lost Chord 
 
 The Tale of a Leg 
 
 That West-side Dog 
 
 How Dennis Took the 
 Pledge 
 
 The Fisherman's Summons 
 
 Badger's Debut as Hamlat 
 
 Hezekiah Stole the Spoons 
 
 Paddy's Dream 
 
 Victuals and Drink 
 
 How Jake Schneider Went 
 Blind 
 
 Aurelia's Young Man 
 
 Mrs. Brown on Modern 
 Houses 
 
 Farm Yard Song 
 
 Murphy's Pork Barrel 
 
 The Prayer Seeker 
 
 An Extraordinary Phe- 
 nomenon 
 
 The Case of Young Bangs 
 
 A Mule Ride in Florida 
 
 Dhree Shkaders 
 
 30cts. 
 
 50cts. 
 
 Dick's Ethiopian Scenes, Variety Sketches and Stump 
 
 Speeches. Containing the following Rich Collection of Negro Dialogues, Scenes, 
 Farces , End-Men's Jokes, Gags, Rollicking Stories, Excruciating Conundrums, Ques- 
 
 tions and Answers for Bones, Tambo and Interlocutor, etc 
 
 I's Gwine to Jine de Ma- 
 sons 
 Jes' Nail dat Mink to de 
 
 Stable Do'— Oration 
 But the Villain still Pur- 
 sued Her— A Thrilling 
 Tale 
 Bones at a Free-and-Easy 
 Buncombe Speech 
 Shakespeare Improved 
 End Gag— Bones and Tam- 
 bo 
 A Man of Nerve— Comic 
 
 Sketch 
 End Gag— Bones and Tam- 
 bo 
 Uncle Pete— Darkey Sketch 
 The Rival Darkeys 
 The Stage-Struck Darkey 
 Add Ryman's Fourth of 
 
 July Oration 
 Absent-Mindedness— Bones 
 
 and Tambo 
 Don't Call a Man a Liar 
 The Mysterious Darkey 
 Rev, Uncle Jim's Sermon 
 The 'Possum-Run Debating 
 
 Society 
 Tim Murphy's Irish Stew 
 Brudder Bones in Love- 
 Interlocutor and Bones 
 'Lixey ; or, The Old Gum 
 
 Game — Negro Scene 
 Brudder Bones' Duel 
 Brudder Bones' Sweetheart 
 Brudder Bones in Hard 
 
 Luck 
 Two Left-Bones and Tambo 
 
 Speech on Boils 
 
 How Bones Cured a Smoky 
 
 Chimney 
 Sermon on Keards, Hosses, 
 
 Fiddlers, etc. 
 Huggin' Lamp-Posts 
 Not Opposed to Matrimony 
 How Pat Sold a Dutchman 
 The Coopers — one Act Farce 
 Questions Easily Answered 
 
 —Bones and Tambo 
 Examination in Natural 
 History— Minstrel Dia- 
 logue 
 O'Quirk's Sinecure 
 The Widower's Speech 
 Bones at a Raffle 
 Uncle Pete's Sermon 
 Bones at a Soiree— Interlo- 
 cutor and Bones 
 Speech on Woman's Rights 
 Bones' Discovery 
 Mark Twain Introduces 
 Himself — Characteristic 
 Speech 
 Speech on Happiness 
 Burnt Corkers— Minstrel 
 
 Dialogue 
 Tue Nervous Woman 
 The Five Senses — Minstrel 
 
 Dialogue 
 The Dutchman's Experi- 
 ence 
 Essay on the Wheelbarrow 
 Bones at a Pic-Nic 
 The Virginia Mummy- 
 Negro Farce 
 
 1T8 pages, paper covers - - - - 
 
 Bound in board, cloth book • • • • mj 
 
 Contents; 
 
 Brudder Bones in Clover 
 
 Artemus Ward's Advice to 
 Husbands 
 
 Where the Lion Roareth, 
 and the Wang-Doodle 
 Mourn eth 
 
 Romeo and Juliet in 1880 
 
 Artemus Ward's Panorama 
 
 Brudder Bones as a Carpet- 
 Bagger— Interlocutor and 
 Bones 
 
 Major Jones' Fourth of July 
 Oration 
 
 Curiosities for a Museum- 
 Minstrel Dialogue 
 
 Burlesque Oration on Mat- 
 rimony 
 
 Brudder Bones on the Rag- 
 ing Can awl 
 
 The Snackin'-Turtle Man- 
 Ethiopian Sketch 
 
 Bones' Dream— Ethiopian 
 Sketch 
 
 Come and Hug Me 
 
 Widow O'Brien's Toast 
 
 Scenes at the Police Court 
 — Musical Minstrel Dia- 
 logue 
 
 Brudder Bones as a Log- 
 Roller 
 
 De Pint Wid Old Petb— 
 Negro Dialect Recitation 
 
 A Touching Appeal— Dutch 
 Dialect Recitation 
 
 Wounded in the Corners 
 
 Darkey Dialogue 
 
 End Gag— Interlocutor and 
 Bones 
 
 ... SOei* 
 
Eavanaugh's New Speeches and Dialogues for Young 
 
 Children. Containing easy pieces in plain language, readily understoou 
 by little children, and expressly adapted for School Exhibitions and Christ- 
 . mas and other juvenile celebrations. By Mrs. Russell Kavanaugh. This 
 is an entirely new series of Recitations an<J Dialogues by this author, and 
 full of pieces, in her well-known style of familiar simplicity, admirably 
 calculated to give the little ones additional opportunities to distinguish 
 themselves before an audience. It contains the following: 
 
 Introduction*. ..*.. ........... 
 
 Opening Speech 
 
 Speech for a School Exhibition 
 
 The Parcas (The Fates) 
 
 "Which Would You Rather Be? 
 
 Speech for a Tiny Girl 
 
 An Old Story, for a Child 
 
 Speech for a Boy 
 
 A Sudden Revulsion 
 
 Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus. A 
 
 Novel Christmas Festival... 
 May Celebration 
 
 Speech of Crowner 
 
 Speech of Sceptre-Bearer. . . 
 
 Speech of Fun 
 
 Speech of Frolic 
 
 Speech of Vanity 
 
 Speech of Modesty 
 
 Speech of Beauty 
 
 Speech of Jollity 
 
 Speech of Boot-Black 
 
 Speech of News-Boy 
 
 Speech of May- Queen. ...... 
 
 The Tables Turned, for a Child 
 
 Speech for a Boy 
 
 Speech for a Small Boy 
 
 Speech for a Very Little Boy. . 
 The Farmer Boy and the City 
 
 Dude 
 
 The Small Boy 
 
 Transposed 
 
 The Sun and His Satellites. 
 
 Speech of the Sun 
 
 Speech of the Moon .... 
 
 Speech oi Mercury 
 
 Speech ot Mars 
 
 Speech of Jupiter < . 
 
 SpeecL of Saturn 
 
 Speecr- of Venus., , 
 
 •True Happiness 
 
 Gen:u and Application... 
 five Versus Twenty-five... 
 
 Saved irorn Suicide 
 
 Speech foi a Very Small Child 
 
 Three Enigmas. 
 
 Tickle his Hand with a Ten 
 
 Dcllai Bill 
 
 Speech for a Small Boy — 
 Beautiful Belles, for several 
 
 Girls 
 
 Beautiful Dudes, for several 
 
 Boys 
 
 Four Little Rose-Buds 
 
 A Bouquet 
 
 Tal Tal 
 
 Speech for a Very Little Girl.. 
 Speech for a Very Little Boy. . 
 
 Blood Will Tell 
 
 A Warning 
 
 A Race for Life 
 
 He is a Brick " 
 
 Speech for a Small Boy 
 
 Watching * 
 
 Gold 
 
 A Touching Incident 
 
 Buy a Broom, for several Girls 
 Confusion Worse Confounded, 
 A Relentless Tyrant, for a Child 
 
 My Brother Jean 
 
 The Gratitude of the World. 
 
 At the Skating Rink 
 
 Dimes! Oh, Dimes ! 
 
 A Fatal Bait, for a Child. . . . 
 The Decorated Donkey, for a 
 
 Child , 
 
 Tight Times 
 
 The Reason Why 
 
 A Modern Flirtation , 
 
 Country Meeting Talk , 
 
 Speech 
 
 Deeds of Kindness 
 
 The Boy's Complaint 
 
 What Not to Do 
 
 Temperance Address 
 
 The Quarrelsome Boy 
 
 An Awful Fly, for a Little One 
 
 Content 
 
 The Winds of the Prairie . . 
 Santa Claus* Christmas Tree 
 
 Speech 
 
 The Creator 
 
 Where Did They Go : . . 
 
 The Parting Lovers 
 
 Do Your Best 
 
 Cherish Kindly Feelings.... 
 
 Advice to Boys 
 
 I Wish I Was a Grown-up . . 
 No Time Like the Present. . 
 
 The Boys We Need 
 
 Summer Vacati on 
 
 MUSIC. 
 
 Three Bright Stars 
 
 Beautiful Belles ...» 
 
 Buy a Brooua » • 
 
 J$mo. Illuminated Paper Cover. ... , .30 cts» Boards,, .,., 50 ct& 
 
Howard's Recitations. Comic, Serious and Pathetic. Col- 
 lection of fresh Recitations in Prose and Poetry, suitable for Anniver- 
 saries, Exhibitions, Social Gatherings, and Evening Parties. Contents : 
 
 Miss Malony on the Chinese 
 Question 
 
 Kit Carson's Ride 
 
 Buck Fan shaw's Funeral 
 
 Knocked About 
 
 Puzzled Dutchman 
 
 Shamus O'Brien 
 
 Naughty Little Girl 
 
 Bells of Shandon 
 
 No Sect in Heaven 
 
 Rory O'Moore's Present 
 
 "Mother's Fool" 
 
 Queen Elizabeth — a Comic 
 Oration 
 [ The Starling 
 i Lord Dundreary's Riddle 
 : The Stuttering Lass 
 
 The Irish Traveler 
 
 Tbe Remedy as Bad as the 
 Disease 
 
 A Subject for Dissection 
 
 The Heathen Chinee 
 
 Mona's Waters 
 
 A Showman on the Wood- 
 chuck 
 
 How Happy I'll Be 
 
 A Frenchman's Account of 
 the Fall 
 
 Isabel's Grave 
 
 Parson and the Spaniel 
 
 16 mo. 
 
 An Irishman's Letter 
 Irish Letter 
 The Halibut in Love 
 The Merry Soap-Boiler 
 The Unbeliever 
 The Voices at the Throne 
 Dundreary Proposing 
 The Fir eman 
 Paul Revere's Ride 
 Annie and Willie's Prayer 
 A Frenchman on Macbeth 
 The New Church Organ 
 KatrinaLikes me Poody Yell 
 How to Save a Thousand 
 
 Pounds 
 How I Got Invited to Dinner 
 Patient Joe 
 
 Jimmy Butler and the Owl 
 The Menagerie 
 Old Quizzle 
 Infidel and Quaker 
 The La wyer and the Chim- 
 
 ney-S weeper 
 Bill Mas on's Bride 
 Judging by Appearances 
 The Death's Head 
 Betsey and I are Out 
 Betsey Destroys the Paper 
 Father Blake's Collectlou 
 Blank Terse in Rhyme 
 
 Rogue rv Taught 
 
 Banty Tim 
 
 Antony and Cleopatra 
 
 Deacon Hezekiah 
 
 The Frenchman and the 
 Lan dlord 
 
 The Family Quarrel— A Dia- 
 logue on the Sixteenth 
 Amendment 
 
 The Guess 
 
 Atheist and Acorn 
 
 Brother Watkins 
 
 Hans in a Fix 
 
 To-M orrow 
 
 The Hi ghgate Butcher 
 
 The Lucky Call 
 
 Challen ging the Foreman 
 
 Country Schoolmaster 
 
 The Matrimonial Bugs and 
 the Travelers 
 
 Peter Sorghum in Love 
 
 Tim Tuff 
 
 Nick Van Stann 
 
 The Debating Society 
 
 Deacon Stokes 
 
 To Our Honored Dead 
 
 The Dying Soldier 
 
 The Yankee Fireside 
 
 The Suicidal Cat 
 
 The Son's Wish 
 
 180 pages. Paper covers. Price 30 Cts. 
 
 Bound in boards, cloth back 50 cts. 
 
 Spencer's Book of Comic Speeches and Humorous Recita- 
 tions A collection of Comic Speeches and Dialogues, Dramatic Scenes 
 and Characteristic Soliloquies and Stories Suitable for School Exhibitions. 
 Contents: 
 
 Comic Prologue and Intro- 
 duction 
 
 The Y ankee Landlord 
 
 His Eye was Stern 
 
 The Goddess of Slang 
 
 Dick, the Apprentice 
 
 Courting in French H6llow 
 
 The Case Altered 
 
 Fox and the Banger 
 
 The Declaration 
 
 The Warrantee Deed 
 
 A Night's Adventure 
 
 Julia— Comic Love Scene 
 
 Saying not Meaning 
 
 Negro Burlesque for 3 males 
 
 The Nimmers 
 
 Gucom and the Back-log 
 
 Widow Bedott's Mistake 
 
 How a Bashful Lover " Pop- 
 ped the Question" 
 
 Crossing Dixie 
 
 My Lust Shirt 
 
 The Three Black Crows 
 
 The Barber's Shop 
 
 Paddy O'Rafiher 
 
 Decidedly Coo 
 
 Paper covers. Price 
 
 Bound in boards, cloth back 
 
 Frenchman and the Rats 
 The Jester Condemned t< 
 
 Death 
 Kindred Quacks 
 Hans Breitmann's Party 
 The Generous Frenchman 
 Saint Jonathan 
 Stump Speech 
 The Rival Lodgers 
 The Frenchman and the 
 
 Mosquitoes 
 The Maiden's Mishap 
 The Removal 
 Talking Latin 
 Praying for Rain 
 Darkey Photographer 
 Paddy and his Musket 
 Hezekiah Bedott 
 Uncle Reuben's Tale 
 Mr. Caudle has been to a 
 
 Fair 
 Chemist and his Love 
 Disgusted Dutchman 
 The Frightened Traveler 
 Jewess and her Son 
 Clerical Wit— True Lies 
 
 The School House 
 
 Daniel versus Dishclont 
 
 Spectacles 
 
 The Pig 
 
 A Stray Parrot 
 
 Dame Fredegonde 
 
 Toby Tosspot 
 
 Courtship and Matrimony 
 
 Rings and Seals 
 
 The Biter Bit 
 
 Pat and the Gridiron 
 
 Barmecide's Feast 
 
 The Country Pedagogue 
 
 The Middle- aged Man and 
 Two Widows 
 
 Saratoga Waiter — Negro 
 Scene for 2 males 
 
 The Wrangling Pair— A Po- 
 etical Dialogue for Male 
 and Female 
 
 A Connubial Eclogue 
 
 The Italian from Cork 
 
 Gasper Schnapps' Exploit 
 
 Epilogue— Suitable for Com. 
 elusion of an Entertain- 
 ment 
 
 30 cts 
 
 50 cts» 
 
Martinet Droll Dialogues and Laughable Recitations. 
 
 A collection of Humorous Dialogues, Coraic Recitations and Spirited 
 Stump Speeches and Farces, adapted for School and other Celebrations. 
 Contents ; 
 
 The Darkey Debating Soci- 
 ety. Dialogue for 2 males 
 
 The Scandal Monger. Dia- 
 logue for 2 males and 2 fe- 
 males 
 
 Poor Richard's Sayings 
 
 Prologue to " The Appren- 
 tice " 
 
 Address in the character of 
 " Hope " A Prologue 
 
 Parody on the Declaration 
 of Independence 
 
 Bombastes Furioso. A Bur- 
 lesque for 7 males 
 
 Characteristic Address 
 
 Examining de Bumps, Ethi- 
 opian Dialogue for 2 males 
 
 Election Stump Speech 
 
 A Matrimonial Tiff. Dia- 
 ogue for l male and 2 fe- 
 males 
 
 The Frenchman and the 
 Sheep's Trotters 
 
 188 pages. Paper Covers. Price 30 cts. 
 
 Bound in Boards, cloth back 50 Cts. 
 
 Hints to Amateur Actors. 
 
 Humorous Poetical Address 
 
 The Bell and the Gong 
 
 Mrs. Dove's Boarding House 
 
 The "Wilkin s Family 
 
 The Lawyer's Stratagem 
 
 Eulogy on Laughing 
 
 Drawing a Long Bow. For 
 3 males and 1 female. 
 
 The Origin of Woman's As- 
 cendency over Man 
 
 Veny Raynor's Bear Story 
 
 The Game of Life 
 
 The Fortune Hunter. For 
 2 males and 3 females 
 
 The Parson and the Widow 
 
 Hezekiah Stubbins' Fourth 
 of July Oration 
 
 Make your Wills Farce for 
 7 male characters 
 
 Mr. Rogers and Monsieur 
 Denise 
 
 Job Trotter's Secret 
 
 The Poor Relation. Comic 
 Drama for 7 males 
 
 Vat you Please 
 
 The Babes in the Wood. For 
 3 males and 4 females. 
 
 My Aunt. 
 
 Handy Andy's Mistakes. 
 
 The Cat Eater. 
 
 A Shocking Mistake. Dia- 
 logue for ? males and 2 
 females 
 
 Wanted a Governess 
 
 Rival Broom Makers 
 
 Paudeen O'Rafferty's Say- 
 Voyage 
 
 Mr. Caudle's "Wedding Din- 
 ner 
 
 Our Cousins. Negro Dia- 
 logue for 2 male characters 
 
 Mr. Caudle made a Mason 
 
 Address of Sergeant Buzfuz 
 
 The Wonderful Whalers 
 1 Sam Weller's Valentine 
 
 Wilson's Book of Recitations and Dialogues. Containing 
 
 a choice selection of Poetical and Prose Recitations. Designed as an As- 
 sistant to Teachers and Students in preparing Exhibitions. By Floyd B. 
 Wilson, Professor of Elocution. Contents ; 
 
 Instruction in Elocution 
 Deoication of Gettysburg 
 
 Cemetery 
 Bheridan's Ride 
 There's but one Pair of 
 
 Stockings 
 Modulation 
 Drummer Boy's Burial 
 John Maynard, t>>e Pilot 
 The Boys 
 The Duel 
 
 Lochiel's Warning 
 Socrates Snooks 
 Mosaic Poetry 
 Burial of the Champion of 
 
 his Class at Yale College 
 Scott and the Veteran 
 Barbara Frietchie 
 I Wouldn't— Would You ? 
 Tho Professor Puzzled 
 Thanatopsis 
 The Two Roads 
 The Pawnbroker's Shop 
 The Sophomore's Soliloquy 
 The Nation's Hymn 
 Address to a Skeleton 
 A Glass of Cold Water 
 Little Gretchen ; or New 
 
 Year's Eve 
 Good News from Ghent 
 The Sea Captain's Story 
 Our Heroes 
 f he Closing Year 
 Burial of Little Nell 
 
 The Picket Guard 
 
 The Poor Man and the Fiend 
 
 Our Country's Call 
 
 The Conquered Banner 
 
 The High Tide ; or, the 
 
 Brides of Enderby 
 Death of Gaudentis 
 Don Garzia 
 Past Meridian 
 The Founding of Gettysburg 
 
 Monument 
 Spartacus to the Gladiators 
 Soliloquy of the Dying Al- 
 chemist 
 The Country Justice 
 Unjust National Acquisition 
 Dimes and Dollars 
 Dead Drummer Boy 
 Home 
 Responsibility of American 
 
 Citizens 
 The Jester's Sermon 
 Left on the Battle Field 
 The American Flag 
 Oh ! Why should the Spirit 
 
 of Mortal be Proud ? 
 Parrhasius 
 The Vagabonds 
 A Bridal Wine Cup 
 Blanche of Devan's Last 
 
 Words 
 Widow Bedott to Elder 
 
 Sniffles 
 A Psalm of the Union 
 
 Paper C overs . Price . . 
 &&\ji& in Board, cloth 
 
 back. 
 
 Charge of a Dutch Magis- 
 trate 
 
 Stars in my Country's Sky 
 
 Bingen on the Rhine 
 
 Religious Character of Presi- 
 dent Lincoln 
 
 The Raven 
 
 The Loyal Legion 
 
 Agnes and the Y ears 
 
 Cataline's Defiance 
 
 Our Folks 
 
 Tho Beautiful Snow 
 
 The Ambitious Youth 
 
 The Flag of Washington 
 
 The Abbot of Waltham 
 
 Ode to an Infant Son 
 
 The Scholar's Mission 
 
 Claude Melnotte's Apology 
 
 Forging of the Anchor 
 
 Wreck of the Hesperus 
 
 The Man of Ross 
 
 No Work the Hardest Work 
 
 What is Time ? 
 
 Brutus's Oration over 
 Body of Lucre ti a 
 
 What is That, Mother? 
 
 A Colloquy with Myself 
 
 St. Philip Neri and 
 Youth 
 
 The Chameleon 
 
 Henry the Fourth's Solil- 
 oquy on Sleep ■ 
 
 On Procrastination 
 
 Appendix 
 
 30 cts. 
 
 5Qcte»- 
 
 the 
 
 the 
 
Brudder Bones' Book of Stump Speeches and Burlesque 
 
 Orations. Also containing Humorous Lectures, Ethiopian Dialogues, 
 Plantation Scenes, Negro Farces and Burlesques, Laughable Inter- 
 ludes and Comic Recitations. Contents : s 
 Bur 
 
 If I may so Speak, 
 lesque Oration 
 
 Pr. Pillsbury'8 Lecture on 
 Politics 
 
 Vegetable Poetry. For. 2 
 males 
 
 Teco Brag's Lecture on As- 
 tronomy 
 
 We saw Fler but a Moment 
 
 Stocks Up, Stocks Down. 
 For 2 males 
 
 Brudder Bones' Love 
 Scrapes. 
 
 fitump Speech ; or, "Any 
 other Man." 
 
 War's your Hoss. Dia- 
 logue Recital 
 
 Geology. Dialogue for 2 
 
 Tin-pan -o-ni-on. For Leader 
 
 and Orchestra 
 Dr. Puff Stuff's Lecture on 
 
 Patent Mediciues 
 Sailing. For 2 males 
 Challenge Dance. For 8 
 
 males 
 Lecture on Bad Boys 
 Tony Pastor's Great Union 
 
 Speech 
 A Tough Boarding House 
 Sleeping Child. 2 males 
 Ain't I Bight, Eh ? Speech 
 Wonderful Egg. For 2 males 
 Bootblack's Soliloquy 
 
 Julius' Peaches. For 2 males 
 De Trouble Begins at Nine 
 The Arkansas Traveler. 
 
 For 2 Violin players 
 Slapjack. For 2'Darkeys 
 Turkey - town Celebration. 
 
 An Oration 
 Uncle Steve's Stump Speech 
 A Midnight Murder 
 Dat's What's de Matter 
 The Freezing Bed Feller 
 Mr. and Mrs. Wilkins 
 Paddy Fagan's Pedigree 
 The Rival Darkeys. Act for 
 
 2 males 
 Hans Sourcront on Signs 
 
 and Omens 
 Hun-ki-do-ris Fourth of July 
 
 Oration 
 Josh Billings on Mosquitoes 
 History of Cap John Smith 
 A Speech on Women 
 Impulsive Peroration 
 The Bet. For 2 Darkeys 
 Old Times gone By. Dia- 
 logue for 2 Darkeys 
 Th e Ech o. Act for a Negroe s 
 Sol Slocum's Bugle. 
 Testern Stump Speech 
 In the Show Business. Dia- 
 logue for 2 males 
 "We are." Stump Omtion 
 Original Burlesque Oration 
 Waiting to see Him off. For 
 2 males 
 
 Patriotic Stump Speetb 
 De Railroad Accident. For 
 
 2 Darkeys 
 The Dutchman's Lecture 
 Prof- Unworth'8 Lecture 
 The Three old Ladies 
 Josh Billings' Lecture onto 
 
 Music k 
 Brudder Bones' Lady-Love. 
 
 Dialogue for 2 males 
 Deaf— In a Horn. Act for 2 
 
 males 
 Or any oder Man's Dog. A 
 
 Speech 
 Happy Uncle Tom 
 Stick a Pin Dere, Brudder 
 
 Horace 
 Lecture on Woman's Rights 
 Dat's wot de "Ledger" says. 
 
 For 2 Darkeys 
 Goose Hollow Stump Speeoh 
 De Milk in de Cocoa Nut 
 A Dutchman's Answer 
 Lecture on Cats 
 The Patent Screw 
 The Auctioneer 
 Hints on Courtship 
 Dutch Recruiting Officer 
 Spirit Rappings. Dialogs 
 
 for 2 males 
 Dar's de Money 
 Let Her Rip. Burlesque 
 
 Lecture 
 The Stranger. Scene for 1 
 
 male and 1 female 
 
 Lecture to a Fire Company 
 
 16 mo. 188 pages. P? per covers. Price 30 cts. 
 
 Bound in boards, illuminated 50 cts. 
 
 Dick's Diverting Dialogues. A collection of effective Dra- 
 matic Dialogues, written expressly for this work by various authors, and 
 adapted for Parlor Performances. They are short, full of telling " situa- 
 tions," introducing easy dialect characters, and present the least possible 
 difficulties in scenery and costume to render them exceedingly attractive. 
 Edited by Wm. B. Dick. 
 
 /flat and Won 
 
 J tunning for Office 
 
 The Uncle. A Proverb 
 
 Love's Labor'Not Lost 
 
 Wanted — A Nurse 
 
 Almost A Tragedy 
 
 The Will. A Proverb , 
 
 Who Wears the Breeches 
 
 A Cold in the Head 
 
 The Wedding Day. A Proverb 
 ^ Including a complete pro. 
 
 GO 
 
 GQ 
 
 S 
 
 o 
 
 o 
 
 PQ 
 
 2 
 
 2 
 
 
 3 
 
 1 
 
 2 
 
 1 
 
 2 
 
 3 
 
 2 
 
 
 2 
 
 1 
 
 3 
 
 1 
 
 1 
 
 4 
 
 2 
 
 1 
 
 3 
 
 A Society for Doing Good 
 
 The Reception. A Proverb 
 
 Caught in their Own Trap 
 
 lwood's Decision 
 
 The Report. A Proverb 
 
 Reformed Mormon Tippler. . . 
 The Fortune Hunter. A Proverb 
 
 Petticoat Government 
 
 Now or Never. A Proverb . , 
 A Close Shave 
 
 & 
 
 3 
 3 
 4 
 
 1 
 1 
 2 
 2 
 3 
 2 
 
 M -amine of effective Living Portraits and 
 'ableaux, with full directions for exhibitirjg them successfully. 
 
 Paper covers. Price 30 cts. 
 
 ^ound in boards, with cloth back »« -•■•,.. 50 cts* 
 
Dick's Comic and Dialect Recitations. A capital collection 
 
 of Comic Recitations, Ludicrous Dialogues, Funny Stories, and Inimitable 
 Dialect Pieces, containing : 
 
 An ./Esthetic Housekeeper 
 
 At the Rug Auction 
 
 Aunt Sophi'onia Tabor at the 
 
 Opera— Yankee Dialect 
 Awfully Lovely Philosophy 
 Bad Boy and the Limburger 
 
 Cheese, The 
 Barbara Frietchie— Dutch 
 Boy in the Dime Museum 
 Bric-a-Brac 
 Brudder Johnson on 'Lectri- 
 
 city— Negro Dialect 
 Butterwick's Weakness 
 By Special Request 
 Can this be True? 
 Champion Liar, The 
 Conversion of Colonel Quagg 
 Cut, Cut Behind— Dutch 
 jDebit and Credit in the Next 
 
 World 
 Der Oak und der Vine 
 Per 'Sperience of Reb'rend 
 
 Quacko Strong— Negro 
 Der Vater MiU 
 Doctor's Story, 
 Dutch Advertisement, 
 Dutchman and the Raven 
 Dutch Security— Dutch 
 Early Bird, The 
 Gentle Mule, The 
 Granny Whar You Gwine? 
 Girl of Culture, 
 Goin' Somewhere— Yankee 
 
 Go -Morrow, or Lot's Wife 
 Hard Witness, A 
 Ilorse that Wins the Race 
 How a Woman Does It 
 How Buck was Brought to 
 
 Time— Yankee Dialect 
 How Uncle Fin had the 
 
 Langh on the Boys 
 Humming Top, The' 
 In der Shweed Long Ago 
 Inquisitive Boy, The 
 Irishman's Perplexity, An 
 Jim Onderdonk's Sunday- 
 School Oration 
 John Chinaman's Protest 
 Juvenile Inquisitor, A 
 Malony's Will— Irish Dialect 
 Mark Twain on the 19th 
 
 Century 
 Mickey Feeny and the Priest 
 Mine Moder-iu-Law 
 Mother's Doughnuts 
 Mr. and Mrs. Potterman 
 Mr. Schmidt's Mistake 
 Mr. Spoopendyke Hears 
 
 Burglars 
 O' Bran ican's Drill 
 Old Bill Stevens 
 Old Erasmus' Temperance 
 
 Pledge— Negro Dialect 
 Ole Settlers' Meetun 
 
 Parson Jinglejaw's Surprise 
 Pat's Correspondence 
 Pleasures of the Telephone 
 Positively the Last Perfor- 
 mance—Cockney Dialect 
 Raven, The— Dutch Dialed 
 Sad Fate of a Policeman 
 Scripture Questions 
 Sermon for the Sisters, A 
 Solemn Book-Agent, The 
 That Fire at Nolan's 
 That Freckle-Faced Girl 
 The Latest Bai'bara Friet- 
 chie— Dutch Dialect 
 The Paper Don't Say 
 Thikhead's New Year's Call 
 Tickled all Oafer 
 'Twas at Manhattan Beach 
 Uncle Billy's Disaster 
 Uncle M'ellick Dines with his 
 
 Master— Negro Dialect 
 Uncle Remus'' Tar Baby 
 Uncle Reuben's Baptism 
 United Order of Half-Shells 
 Waiter's Trials, A 
 Warning to Woman. A 
 Ways of Girls at the Play 
 Western Artist's Accom- 
 plishments, A. 
 Wily Bee, The 
 Woman's Description of a 
 
 Play, A 
 Yaller Dog, The 
 
 Original Love Story, An 
 
 Our Debating Club 
 
 Bound in Boards .7 30 ets. 
 
 Paper Covers ,. 50 cts . 
 
 Barton's Comic Recitations and Humorous Dialogues. 
 
 Containing a variety of Conrr Recitations in Prose and Poetry, Amusing 
 Dialogues, Burlesque Scenes, Eccentric Orations, Humorous Interludes 
 and Laughable Farces. 
 
 How they Pop the Question 
 
 The Clever Idiot 
 
 The Knights 
 
 How the Lawyer got a 
 Patron Saint 
 
 Josh Billings on Laughing 
 
 Night after Christmas 
 
 A Change of System— for 2 
 males and 1 female 
 
 Citizen and the Thieves 
 
 Bogg'fl Dogs 
 
 The Smack in School 
 
 The Tinker and the Miller's 
 Daughter 
 
 An Original Parody 
 
 The Parsons and the Cork- 
 screw 
 
 The Old Gentleman who 
 Married a Young Wife — 
 
 Stage-StruckDarkey— Inter- 
 lude for males 
 
 Goody Grim versus Lapstone 
 
 ___ - Dialogue for 4 males 
 
 The Woman of Mind 
 
 Wanted, a Confederate- 
 Farce for 4 males 
 
 Lodgings for Single Gentle- 
 men 
 
 Paper Covers. Price -...„.,-.. oOctS. 
 
 ^ouud in T^rds, cloth back ..,-« 50 cts, 
 
 A Prologue to Open an En 
 
 tertainment 
 The St age-Struck Hero 
 Here She Goes— and There 
 
 She Goes 
 Pastor M'Knock's Address 
 Old Sugar's Courtship 
 The Bachelor's Reasons for 
 
 Taking a Wife 
 The Spanish Valet and the 
 
 Maid— Dialogue for 1 male 
 
 and 1 Female. 
 The Jackdaw of Rheims 
 Jonathan and the English- 
 man 
 Artemus Ward's Trip 
 Auctioneer and the Lawyer 
 Mr and Mrs. Skinner 
 The Bachelor and the Bride 
 Druukard and his Wife 
 A Western Lawyer's Plea 
 
 against the Fact 
 Reading a Tragedy 
 Cast-oil Garments 
 How to Cure a Cough 
 The Soldier's Return 
 Countrymen and the Ass 
 Come and Go 
 
 Nursery Reminiscences 
 
 The Farmer and the Coun 
 cellor 
 
 The Pugilists 
 
 How Pat Saved his Bacon. 
 
 The Irish Drummer 
 
 Mike Hooter's Bear Story 
 
 The Critic 
 
 Mr, Caudle Wants a Latch 
 Key 
 
 Humbugging a Tourist 
 
 The Widow's Victim— for 2 
 males and 1 female 
 
 Josh Hillings on the Mule 
 
 Tinker and the Glazier 
 
 Wonderful Dream— Negro 
 Dialogue for 2 males 
 
 An Occasional Address— For 
 a Lady's First Apnea ranee 
 
 An Occasional Prologue— 
 For Opening a Perfwr- 
 manco 
 
 Address oa Closing a Per- 
 formance 
 
 A Prologue for a Perfor- 
 mance by Boys 
 
 An Epilogue for a S»hool 
 Performance 
 
™RA?.Y OF CONGRESS 
 
 GOOD B < o 022 204 592 
 
 Sent Postage-Paid, at tlie Prices Marked. 
 
 1 ♦♦♦ 
 
 American Hoyle, by " Trumps ". the Standard Book on Games $1.50 
 
 Dunne's Draughts-Players' Guide 1.50 
 
 Dick's Games of Patience ; or, Solitaire with Cards 1. 00 
 
 Dick's Art of Gymnastics LOO 
 
 Hoyle's Games, by "Trumps" 50 
 
 Gossip's Chess-Player's Text Book 75 
 
 Marache's Manual of Chess 50 
 
 Dick's Hand-Book of Cribbage 50 
 
 Modern Whist, by "Trumps" 25 
 
 Dick's Original Album Verses and Acrostics 50 
 
 Dick's Book of Toasts, Speeches and Responses 50 
 
 Barber's American Book of Ready-Made Speeches 50 
 
 How to Conduct a Debate 50 
 
 The Debater, Chairman's Assistant, and Rules of Order 50 
 
 Ogden's Model Speeches for all School Occasions 50 
 
 Ogden's Skeleton Essays 50 
 
 The Worcester Letter-Writer and Business Forms 50 
 
 Dick's Common Sense Letter-Writer 50 
 
 North's Book of Love-Letters 50 
 
 Dick's Commercial Letter- Writer 50 
 
 Martine's Sensible Letter-Writer 50 
 
 Frost's American Etiquette 50 
 
 Cruden's Calisthenic Training and Musical Drill 50 
 
 Dick's Palmistry Made Easy 50 
 
 Day's American Ready-Reckoner 50 
 
 The American Housewife, and Kitchen Dipectory .50 
 
 The Amateur Trapper and Trap-Maker's Guide . 50 
 
 Dick's Quadrille Call-Book and Bali-Room Prompter 50 
 
 The Banjo and How to Play It 50 
 
 The Young Reporter ; How to Write Short-Hand 50 
 
 Dick's Festival Reciter 30 
 
 Dick's Dutch, French and Yankee Dialect Recitations 3u 
 
 Kavanaugh' s Juvenile Speaker, for little children 30 
 
 Dick's Irish Dialect Recitations 30 
 
 Kavanaugh's New Speeches for little children 30 
 
 Brudder Bones' Stump-Speeches and Burlesque Orations 30 
 
 Dick's Comic Dialogues 30 
 
 Holmes' Very Little Dialogues 30 
 
 McBride's Comic Dialogues 30 
 
 Burton's Amateur Actor 30 
 
 Frost's Dramatic Proverbsand Charades 30 
 
 Frost's Tableaux andShadow Pantomimes 30 
 
 Dick's Parlor Exhibitions 30 
 
 The Parlor Magician 30 
 
 The Art and Etiquette of Making Love 30 
 
 The Mishaps and Adventures of Obadiah Oldbuck 30 
 
 Dick's Log and Lumber Measurer 25 
 
 COMPLETE DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE MAILED FREE. 
 
 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 
 
 P. 0. Box 2975, New York.