PR 4827 .J4 1906 Copy 1 THE PLAYS OF HENRY ARTHUR JONES JOSEPH ENTANGLED a Cornet^ in Gbree acts BY HENRY ARTHUR JONES^^ AUTHOR OF 'THE LIARS," "MICHAEL AND HIS LOST ANGEL," "THE TEMPTER," "THE CRUSADERS," "JUDAH," "THE CASE OF REBELLIOUS SUSAN," "THE DANCING GIRL," "THE MIDDLEMAN," "THE ROGUE'S COMEDY," "THE TRIUMPH OF THE PHILISTINES," "THE MASQUERADERS," "THE ''*■<. MANOEUVRES OF jANE," "CARNAC SAHIB," "THE GOAL," "MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE," "THE LACKEY'S CARNIVAL,'' "THE PRINCESS'S NOSE," ETC. "V, Copyright, 1906, by Henry Arthur Jones PRICE 50 CENTS # NEW YORK SAMUEL FRENCH PUBLISHER 24 West 22D Street LONDON SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 26 Southampton St., Strand JOSEPH ENTANGLED A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS HENRY ARTHUR JONES Copyright, 1906, by Henry Arthur Jones NEW YORK SAMUEL FRENCH PUBLISHER 26 WEST 22D STREET LONDON SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. PUBLISHERS 89 STRAND FEB 11 190/ P Gwyrii*t Entry , 8LASS her bonnet, which is on cha ir by cabinet, stands with her hands behind her h av in g the bonnet and shawl. 3 Comes C. * Crosses ton. c. 5 Sits down. It could be got ready in a few minutes. 1 [She is stealthily collecting the articles of wearing-apparel belonging to Knapman and herself.] Mr. Mayne's room is quite in order 2 Lady V. I prefer to sleep in my own. Go and prepare it, and look out everything that I shall want for the night. Mrs. K. 3 Yes my lady. I daresay my lady you're surprised to find us up here in the morning-room. Lady V. [Sniffing Knapman's tobacco.] I certainly expected you to keep to your own apartments. Mrs. K. Yes, my lady, and in the natural course of things we should ; but what with this dreadful weather — and we did fancy there was microbes downstairs — so we took the liberty of Lady V. Yes, yes, very well, I'm tired. 4 room ready at once. 5 io Please get my SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Mrs. K. 1 Yes, my lady. [Exit. Lady Verona and Lady Joyce sit looking at each other. Lady V. [Shaking her head severely at Lady Joyce.] Oh, you foolish, foolish creature! If I hadn't rushed up to town and stopped you, where would you have been at this moment ? Lady J. I suppose I should have been crossing- the Channel with Colonel Tyack — [Looks at clock] no, we shouldn't have reached Dover. Lady V. You seem to take it very coolly Lady J. My dear, I'm just done! I simply haven't the power to feel anything — not even what a donkey I've been. Lady V. 4 Joyce, darling, you're sure Lady J. Yes, dear, quite ! You believe me ? Lady V. [Looks scarcliingly at her.] Yes, dear. [Kisses her.] But how could you have been so mad ? 5 I thought you were very happy with Fanny. Lady J. So I am! Poor old Fanny! I'm devoted to him. 1 1 1 L. of table R. - Goes to door R. on tnrni?ig she suddenly cat- ches sight of Knap >n a n's trousers which are oi'er the back of chair R., she steals down to chair, snatches up the trousers and exits at door 3 Right. * Rises and goes to foyce, tak- ing her hand. 6 Crosses to win- dow L. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I 1 Lady J. rises, goes up c. a feiu steps then turns to speak her next lines. Lady V. you going to run away with Then why were Colonel Tyack? Lady J. I'm sure I don't know. An uncontrollable impulse. What made Lady Fibury steal all those silk blouses from Marshall and Snellgrove's ? She has ten thousand a year. But she suddenly saw all the pretty things in front of her and she couldn't resist Lady V. That was kleptomania. Lady J. Well so was mine — a sort of kleptomania. Lady V. You suddenly saw Colonel Tyack — you don't call him pretty ! Lady J. No, but he has style, and a way of commanding — Oh, I hate him! [Lady Verona looks surprised.'] I do really hate him. Lady V. And yet you were Lady J. [Irritated.] * Oh, Vee, please don't go on about it any more. You forget you once planned to run away with Jo Lacy. Lady V. That was before I was married. We were both free, and we both loved each other Lady J. Then why didn't you go on with it? 12 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT 1 Lady V. I heard such dreadful tales about Jo — and I funked it at the last moment. Poor Jo, I'm afraid I treated him very badly! But — he soon got over it and — [sighs deeply] I daresay I'm much happier with Hardolph — at least, I'm much safer. 1 Now, dear, we're not going to have any more attacks of this — this matrimonial kleptomania? Lady J. No! Of course not. Colonel Tyack will be in Egypt, and my dear old Fanny will be back to-night to take care of me. Ah ! Lady V. What's the matter ? Lady J. Fanny wrote me to go to Thurston's hotel and take our usual rooms and wait there for him. His train is due at eleven. Lady V. Hadn't I better come with you? Lady J. No. He'd wonder why you were up in town. 2 I'll get a cab at the corner. Don't worry about me any more. I'm quite safe. [Very heartily.'] Bless you, dear ! It was good of you to rush up and save me. Good-night, old girl. [A very hearty caress. 1 Goes to front of table L. Goes up to door C, theft turns to Lady V. Lady V. Good-night, dear. [They kiss each other very heartily. 3 Lady J. Vee, you won't say a word to Hardolph about this ? 13 3 Lady J. opens door and then turns again. ACT I JOSEPH ENGANGLED sc. i Lady V. No, dear, of course not. Hardolph doesn't under- stand matrimonial kleptomania. Lady J. [Hastily glances at her zvatch.] I must rush off. [Exit, 1 followed by Lady Verona. Leaves door open. Mrs. Knapman enters 2 hastily puts the ham into the cabinet, finds a pair of Knapman's slippers 3 throws them off 4 looks round to see if the room is clear of her belongings. 5 Re- enter Lady Verona. 6 1 At back. 2 Right. 3 In front of table R. 4 Door right. 6 A door is heard to slain off i.. 6 A I back. 7 Stands behind cliair L. c. 8 Gets her hat, gloves and bag from chair down R. Goes up r. c. Mrs. K. 7 Your room is quite ready, my lady. Shall I wait on you? Lady V. Yes, please. Where is Knapman ? s Mrs. K. He's gone to pay a visit to his mother at Willesden Green; and she being very a'ged he might be a little late on account of her dropsy. There's no need for me to wait up, unless your ladyship wishes me to. Lady V. No, I shall be going back to Oxfordshire by the half-past ten train. I shall want some breakfast. 9 Mrs. K. Yes, my lady. Ham and eggs? Or a sole Lady V. Anything. A sole will do. 14 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Yes, my lady. 1 Mrs. K. Lady V. 2 Oh, Mrs. Knapman, you needn't mention my visit to town with Lady Joyce. Mrs. K. Oh no, my lady, of course not. 3 [Exit Lady Verona. 4 Mrs. Knapman looks round, drazvs down the window sash, bolts it, puts out electric light. Exit. 5 A long pause. 6 The clock in room strikes the half hour. The clock at back also chimes the half hour. The front door is heard to open, and Knapman enters at back, smoking, turns up the electric light, takes his pipe out of his mouth, breathes heavily as if oppressed by the heat. Knap. ,Whew ! 7 Sir J. {Voice heard outside.'] Hillo, Knapman, is that you ? Knap. [With cordial, respectful recognition. 81 Sir Joseph ! I didn't know you were in town, sir ! Sir J. [Voice outside,'] I wish I wasn't. I've just come up from Devon- shire, and I've lost all my luggage. Any of your folks in town? Knap. No, Sir Joseph. Would you care to come inside for a moment? 15 1 By this time Mrs. K. has moved front buck of chair L. c. to back of table L. and is about to fold the table-clotk up. 2 Going off c. stops, pauses. ; Stops folding cloth suddenly and makes a grimace to in- dicate to audi- ence that she suspects some- thing. 4 At back. 6 A t back. 6 All lights on stage go out when electric brackets go. ' Closes door, takes his coat off, throws it on chair by cabinet, moves down to ■win- dow L., opens it, sits on sill and smokes quietly. Leaning out of window. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I * Comes away from windoiv, gets his coat, puts his coat on, exit at back, is heard to open the front door. * Closes door and steps down. s Places his hat, coat and stick on table L. c. then crosses to table R. and sits L. of it. * Knapman goes to cabinet, brings whis- key bottle and tumbler and jug of water. Sir J. I don't mind if I do, Knapman. Knap. I'll let you in, Sir Joseph. 1 A few moments later Sir Joseph Lacy enters at back, an English gentleman about forty. He is in morning dress, as if he had just come from a journey. Knapman follows him on. 2 Knap. Lost your luggage, Sir Joseph? Every stick of it. That's unlucky. Sir J. Knap. Sir J. I've had a beastly unlucky day. First of all my man Staddon gets laid up with chicken-pox; I have to come to town alone; get up here; no luggage; telegraph all along the line, no sign of it; can't get into my chambers as I've let them till next month; drive off to my club, finds it's shut for repairs. Whew ! It's very warm ! Can you manage a drop of anything to drink, Knapman? Knap. I can give you a whiskey and plain water, Sir Jo- seph. Sir J. Good. 4 Mr. Mayne shooting in Scotland ? ; Knap. Yes, Sir Joseph. 16 JOSEPH ENTANGLED Sir J. Lady Verona with him ? Knap. No Sir Joseph.' Her ladyship is staying for a few weeks m Oxfordshire. [Putting whiskey in frZ t neVoTs'Uh^ anythinS * "° U L " d Sir J. Nothing, my good Knapmarf*— except a bed in a mce large-whewf-cool room. I don't like «£„* to an hotel without any Inggage; I suppose I shall* have to turn m at the Junior-beastly stuffy little rooms they are-and a night like this-Whew I Knap. I could put you up in Mr. Mayne's room for the mght, if you don't mind Sir J. That's a good idea of yours, Knapman. Knap. t^obhge'yc 1 ;: Mayne W0UM ° nly be t0 ° ™^ Sir J. I'm sure he would T cha'n't u^ • • anyone? WUU1C1 - l sna n t be inconveniencing Knap. e^°c t eDt b th; Sir J ° Seph -, T ' lere ' S " 0b0d y in the h °™ fast asleep m ' SSUS "* "* A " d She ' S in M »d Sir J. tnTniX"' FT"?' y °\ sha11 P ut me U P h "e for of vo f y £ ° r me * happened t0 cat<:h «ght 17 ACT I 1 Brings things down to table 2 Knapman goes back to cabinet, shuts the door of it and then drops down c. 8 Helps himself to whiskey and water. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. I * Takes a cig- arette out. * Lights cigar- ette. Wasn't it, sir? Knap. Sir J. You're still very comfortable here, I suppose, Knap- man? 1 Knap. Well yes, sir, in a general way. Of course, Sir Joseph, I shall always consider the happiest period of my life was the fifteen years I spent in your father's service. Sir J. Ah ! Dear old dad ! 2 Good sort, wasn't he ? Fifteen years you were in our family, eh? Knap. Yes, Sir Joseph. And except for the upsets on your account, Sir Joseph, if I'm not impertinent in reminding you of your youthful sprees Sir J. Oh, no, Knapman, oh, no. Hey! Hey! [Sig/iJ.] Ah ! Ah ! Youthful sprees and I have long been strangers. Knap. All over and done with, Sir Joseph? Sir J. All over and done with. Knap. You did go it a terrific pace in those days, sir. Sir J. Did I, Knapman? You think so? Knap. Well, sir, what do you think ? 18 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I I suppose I did. Sir J. Knap. That night after the races, the young lady that lost her two mammas, one after the other. Ha! ha! [Knapman laughs; Sir Joseph laughs in com- pany.] That was a rum go, sir. Sir J. [Laughing.] Ha ! Ha ! It was a rum go, Knapman. Knap. r And you looking so innocent over it all the while. If I might say so, Sir Joseph, that's the best of you. Sir J. What's the best of me? Knap. Your looking so innocent. 1 You always did, Sir Joseph. And [gazing at Sir Joseph] so you do now, sir. Sir J. Do I ? I look innocent still. You think so, eh ? Knap. Yes, Sir Joseph. Nobody would take you for Sir J. For what, Knapman? Knap. Well, nobody would take you for Sir J. Go on, Knapman! Go on! 19 1 Sir Joseph futs on an innocent babyish ex- pression and looks at Knap- man. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. I Knap. Well, if you'll pardon my saying so, for the tre- mendous lady-killer we all know you are. You do look so remarkably innocent. 1 Moves table L. C. Knapman moves to win- dow. Sir J. takes up his hat, puts it on, then his coat and stick and moves already up to door c. 2 Shuts down and bolts win- dow. 8 All lights go as b efo re. All limes white. Float and lengths full up everywhere Electric scon- ces out. * The table l. C. is moved up stage a little, the chair that Knapman sat in is moved to side of wall above window. The armchair is brought down L. c. a little, the chair r. of table R. is moved up stage to R. side of china cabi- net. The cov- ers are pulled off the cur- tains ; the paper taken from off writ- ing table ," pa- per takenfrom fire-place and the hat box take?! off top of china cabinet. In the place of the Knapmans table-cloth on table L. c. is a bowl of flowers. 6 Comes to table L. of her. Sir J. I do, eh? Upon my word, Knapman, I begin to feel remarkably innocent. Heigho ! Heigho ! [Drinks up his whiskey, rises and yawns.'] Now, Knapman, I'm ready for bed. 1 Knap. Very well, sir. 2 What time shall I call you, sir? Sir J. Oh, say half-past eight. [Ycnvns.] I think I can put in a good nine hours of it to-night. [Sir Joseph yawns, and exit at back. Knapman turns out light and follows him. 3 curtain. Curtain remains dozvn for half a minute to signify the passing of the night. Scene 2. 4 The same room the next morning. It is nozu very tidy; the furniture is all in its right place, and all traces of the Knapmans' occupa- tion are removed. The table right is laid for breakfast for one person, with a spotless table- cover. Discover Mrs. Knapman at the table; she is laying the breakfast. Enter Knapman at back, leaving door open. Knap. [Cordially.'] Good morning, Eliza. 5 20 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Mrs. K. That means you weren't in a proper condition to say " Good night." Knap. There's no pleasing you, Eliza. You told me to sleep up in the attic so as not to rob you of your beauty-sleep. Well, so I did. Mrs. K. Yes, and the moment you'd took yourself off her ladyship turned up. Knap. Her ladyship! Enter Lady Verona at back, carrying her hat, etc. Lady V. Good morning, Knapman. 1 Knap. Good morning, your ladyship. Lady V. [Taking out her watch.'] My watch has stopped. What's the right time ? Mrs. K. 2 That clock is quite right, my lady. Lady V. 3 Then I've plenty of time to catch the ten-thirty. You can bring up the breakfast. 4 Mrs. K. Yes, my lady. [Exit Mrs. Knapman at back, closing door. Knap. [Embarrassed.] I beg pardon, my lady 21 1 Comes down c. 2 Pointing to clock R. ' Crosses to fire R., places her hat down on chair down R. Knapman drops down to L. c. 4 Goes to desk l. ACT I JOSERH ENTANGLED sc. II Lady V. What is it ? * Knap. I happened to be out last evening when your lady- ship arrived Lady V. Yes. How's your mother? Knap. [Puzzled.] My mother? She's about as usual, my lady. Lady V. I'm going to send her another parcel of old linen Knap. Thank you, my lady. Lady V. Tell her to let me know if there is anything else she wants. Knap. Thank you, my lady. I was about to say Lady V. Well? Knap. Just as I was shutting up last night, Sir Joseph Lacy happened to be passing Lady V. Indeed ! Knap. He'd lost all his luggage, and his club was closed for cleaning-up Lady V. Well ? 22 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Knap. So being a friend of Mr. Mayne's and yours I took the liberty of putting him up for the night. Lady V. Here? Knap. Yes, my lady, in Mr. Mayne's room. [Lady V. Smiles.] Lady V. Where is he now? Knap. He's just coming down. I've been valet' ng him and lending him some of Mr. Mayne's things. Here he is 1 Enter Sir Joseph. 2 Sir J. [Surprised.] What! Lady Vee? How d'ye do? This is a surprise ! Just come up to town ? [Shaking hands cordially.] Lady V. 3 No, I spent the night here. Sir J. Here? [To Knapman.] Why didn't you tell me her ladyship was in town? Knap. 4 I hadn't the least idea of it, Sir Joseph. I'd just stepped out on a little private business, and her ladyship arrived during my absence. Lady V. Well, it's very absurd. Now you are here, you'd better stay and have breakfast with me 23 » When Sir J. comes down Knapman goes to table R. * At back, leaves door open. 3 Rises. * Busying him- self with breakfast things. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. II Re-enter Mrs. Knapman at back with a tray con- taining plates, dishes, etc. Mrs. Knapman shows some astonishment at seeing Sir Joseph. Looks at Knap- man inquir- ingly. 1 Goes off right and returns. * Sits down l. c. Thanks very much, man. Sir J. Good morning, Mrs. Knap- Mrs. K. Good morning, Sir Joseph. Lady V. Sir Joseph will take breakfast with me. What have you got? Mrs. K. There's only a fried sole, my lady. Shall I get some bacon and eggs? [Lady Verona looks inquiringly at Sir Joseph. Sir J. Not for me. A mere fraction of that sole, and your company will be a perfect breakfast for me. Lady V. Lay a knife and fork for Sir Joseph. [Knapman 1 brings back knife and fork, plate, etc., for Sir Joseph, helps Mrs. Knapman to lay the table. Lady Verona 2 regards Sir Joseph comic- ally, and has a little tit of laughter. Sir J. What are you laughing at? Lady V. At this extraordinary adventure, brought you to town in August? 24 What has SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Sir J. I'm going through to the Engadine; I leave Vic- toria at eleven — that is, if my luggage turns up in time. What has brought you up to town ? Lady V. Me? Oh — nothing— a little shopping. Mrs. K. The breakfast is ready, my lady. [Lady Verona j goes to table, motioning Sir. J. to sit opposite her, he does so. 2 Knap. 3 Is there anything else your ladyship requires ? 4 Lady V. No, you needn't wait. [Exit Mrs. Knapman.] 5 Oh, Knapman, I shall want a hansom at ten. Knap. Yes, your ladyship. 6 [Exit Knapman. 7 Lady Verona, having seated herself, 8 points Sir Joseph to a seat. He sits. 9 Sir J. Now ! Sole ! Let me give you some sole.; Lady V. Thank you. Coffee? Thank you. How many lumps? Sir J. Lady V. 1 Rises. 2 Sir J. goes at table to right. 4 Places chair R. of table for Sir/. B At back. 6 Removes cover from sole and places it on table R. 7 At back. 8 L. of table. 9 R. of tabU. 25 ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. II Sir J. Ah! Oughtn't you to know? This isn't the first time we have breakfasted together. Lady V. It's the first time we breakfasted alone; mamma was always at the head of the table in those days. Sir J. [Sighing.] Ah! Ah! In those days! Lady V. I'll risk two lumps. Sir J. And I will take whatever you consider good for me. 1 Lady V. Shall you be away long? Sir J. Can't say. I may go on to Italy — in that case I sha'n't be back till the end of October. What are your plans? Lady V. I'm staying in Oxfordshire for another week. Then I join Hardolph in Scotland. Sir J. Dear old Hardolph, I'm very fond of Hardolph. I've only one grudge against him 1 Business of handing each other plates and cuf>s, and of h e I p i n g themselves. What's that? Lady V. Sir J. Well, when a man robs you of the one thing that would have transformed this world from a waste, 26 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I howling wilderness into a — . Now, candidly, Vee, you wouldn't like me to forgive Hardolph, would you ? Lady V. Jo, you are incorrigible. Sir J. No, I'm not; I'm the sweetest, gentlest creature. A child can guide me. Tell me to forgive Hardolph for having stolen you from me, and I'll try to love him like a brother. Tell me not to cherish a hope- less, incurable passion for you, and I'll make frantic efforts to crush it. 1 Lady V. My dear Jo, it's useless to try this tone upon me. Sir J. ^'hat tone? 2 Lady V. This tone of silly, sentimental badinage, which doesn t allow the woman the poor gratification of feeling that she is being made love to in earnest. Sir J. Oh, 3 if you wish for that kind of gratification (approaching her). Lady V. I don't. 4 What have you been doing in Devon- shire? Sir J. I've had an awful fortnight with my uncle Pro- fessor Tofield. Lady V. The professor is a terror, isn't he? 27 1 Goes on eating: 1 Takes his cup up. 8 Rises quickly and goes round back 0/ table to her. * Sir J. laughs and sits down again. Lady V. laughs. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. n Sir J. Awful. However, his third wife left the old chap a heap of money, and as I'm his nearest relation I keep in with him. How are all your folks ? Lady Joyce and Fanny? Lady V. Very well indeed. Fanny came up from his yacht last night, and Joyce joined him. Sir J. I'm glad that match has turned out so well. Lady V. Excellently. Help yourself to a little more sole. Sir J. Let me give you some Lady V. No thank you. A little marmalade? Sir J. Let me give you some first. Lady V. Thank you. [Helps her, and he helps himself, looking at her with great admiration. Pause.] Sir J. How strange that we should be seated here at breakfast — together — alone. I've often wondered Lady V. What? Sir J. Why did you chuck me as you did t 28 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Lady V. Ah ! Why did I ? Because I felt sure that if I did marry you I should repent. But then I felt equally sure that if I didn't marry you I should repent. You know marriage is really nothing but a trap of that kind for all of us poor women. Well between wondering how unhappy I should be without you, and how very much more unhappy I should be with you, I found I couldn't catch the train, and next morning poor dear mamma found out all about it, and squashed it altogether. I was simply heart- broken. Sir J. Ah! Lady V. For some days — if not weeks. Sir J. And then you married Hardolph. Lady V. And then I married Hardolph. Sir J. And my life was ruined. Lady V. Oh no, my dear Jo, I'm not going to be saddled with your ruin. If you remember your life was ruined several times before you met me. And how many times has it been ruined since? eh? Sir J. Ah ! That's the result of giving a boy the name of Joseph ! What is ? Lady V. 29 ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. II 1 Takes up cup and drinks. 2 Sir J. rises and goes round back of table with his cup and saucer. Lady V. helps him to coffee. 8 Offering to take cross off the chain she wears round her neck. Sir J. When I woke up to the responsibilities of my name, I did my best to live up to them. But when I found what my godfathers and godmother had let me in for, I instinctively rebelled. Human nature refuses to be driven into a groove. My nature refused to be driven into the groove of Joseph — and here I am, a waif and stray, an orphan of forty, a mere bit of masculine wreckage, floating on any tide, without any rudder, to any unknown shore. 1 Lady V. Poor orphan of forty! Let me give you a little more coffee ! 2 Sir J. You were attached to me, Vee. You're wearing the cross I gave you on our journey back from Scotland. Lady V. I've never troubled to take it off the chain. But you can have it back if you like. Will you ? 3 Sir J. No. I've got the little heart you gave me. [Shozv- ing it on his watch chain.] Confess, Vee. you felt it very deeply when our engagement was broken off? Lady V. You want to know the truth? I felt it terribly; more than I like to remember. Ah! Sir J. [Approaching very tenderly. Lady V. Now. Please don't get sentimental. It was the 30 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I very best thing that could have happened for me. I'm very glad mamma was so firm and parted us. Now are you satisfied? [Smiling at Jiim. 1 Sir J. If you are happy — yes. 2 Lady V. I am happy. Hardolph is the best of husbands. Sir J. I'm sure he is. I'm sure he is ! A little difficult at times, our dear Hardolph, eh? hum? hum? Lady V. Perhaps; but I keep a little birch rod for him on such occasions. Sir J. A little birch rod? Of what nature? Lady V. That's my secret. Every wise woman keeps a birch rod for her husband when he's difficult. Now tell me about yourself. Why don't you find some nice girl and settle down ? [He shakes his head. Sir J. I shall never marry. [Looking at her. Lady V. Your hopeless passion for me? [He nods.] You know, Jo, I don't in the least mind your having a hopeless passion for me. I think it's rather nice of you — only you will please to recognize that it is hopeless. [Sighs. 3i 1 Sir J. moves round to R. 0/ table. 8 Sits again. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. II Sir J. I know that. 1 Lady V. Verv well, then — we can be on the best terms. You shall indulge your hopeless passion for me, and I'll be a sister to you, shall I ? Sir J. I thought you didn't like silly badinage? Lady V. Oh, yes, in a woman — it's often her best protection. What makes you look so serious ? Sir J. Perhaps I oughtn't to tell you. Lady V. Oh do — if it's about your hopeless passion. Sir. J. 2 [With great seriousness.'] I don't defend my life, Vee. I know I've wasted it in all kinds of folly and — worse. And now I only live in the moment, and for the moment. I simply daren't look backward or forward. And so I chaff myself and everything and everybody, as I've been doing this morning. That's because I've lost the power of feeling or caring very deeply about anything Lady V. Are you sure of that ? Sir J. Yes! yes. There's nothing left in the world that isn't fit to be chaffed — except you, Vee; and upon my soul at times I'm ready to chaff my love for you — though God knows it's the one thing that is 2 Sir J. moves his chair round the back of table till he is quite close to Lady V. he then sits. SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I sacred to me — it's the one thing in my life that I don't regret, and that I should like to be thinking of when I die — the love I had for you, the love I have for you, 1 Vee. If you do I must Lady V. Jo ! you mustn't speak like this. 2 ask you never to see me again. Sir J. You needn't be afraid, I love you too much to bring you into my life. But I mean every word of what I said. There ! you've heard it, and you know that I shall always love you. Now that's all over. May I have some more coffee? What were we talking about. Oh, you were going to be my sister. Lady V. 3 I don't think I can be your sister now. dangerous. [Looks at him.] No! It's too Sir J. Well, be my something! Don't leave me out in the cold. 4 Lady V. Poor orphan of forty! [Suddenly.] I'll adopt you! I'll be your mother. Sir J. No, don't be my mother. Yes, I will. Lady V. Sir J. Oh, very well. What are you going to do with me ? 33 1 Takes hand. her 2 Sir J. releases her hand and sits back in his chair. 1 Lady V. pours out coffee. * Both laugh. ACT T JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. II Lady V. When we all come back to town I shall take you in hand and marry you to that very nice girl. No, don't. Yes, I will. 1 Drinks his coffee. * Puts cup down suddenly . * Moves closer to her and speaks very s oft /y and winning- ly. *At back. Mrs. K . must enter very quickly on her cue, as the door is opened Mrs. Tavender is seen in the pas- sage outside the door. Mrs. Knapman see- ing the em- barrass me nt of Sir J . and Lady V. gives a half glance behind her back to Mrs. Tavender and then shuts the door on her. Sir J. Lady V. Sir J. Oh, very well. Only do take a little care whom you marry me to. Lady V. I will. She shall be very nice. Sir J. I wonder if she'll have me? 1 Lady V. I'm sure she will, if you Sir J. If I what? 2 Lady V. Surely you know the way to win a woman's heart? Sir J. 3 Do I? Do I? I've forgotten. Do tell me how! Come now, give me a lesson. [Taking her hand and kissing it. Jo! Jo! Lady V. [They are in a somewhat embarrassed posi- tion when Mrs. Knapman enters. 4 Mrs. K. I beg pardon, my lady. ' 34 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Lady V. What is it ? Mrs. K. Mr. and Mrs Tavender are in the hall. Lady V. Oh— show them in. 1 [Exit Mrs. Knapman.] What can have brought them here at this time in the morning ? 2 Enter 3 Mr. and Mrs. Tavender, shown in by Mrs. Knapman. Tavender is a short, stout, sandy, florid, good-natured man of thirty-live. Mrs. Tavender is a frivolous, ir- responsible, empty-headed, chattering little creature of twenty-five. They both show evi- dent surprise at seeing Sir Joseph, and stand at the doorway in an embarrassed way.* Lady V. [Going up to her.] Cissy, this is a surprise. [Shaking hands with her.] Harry, how are you ? Tav. Thanks; flourishing. [Stands in doorway. Lady V. Come in — what's the matter? 5 Mrs. T. Nothing, dear; if you're engaged [Embarrassed. Lady V. Not at all. [To Mrs. Knapman.] Why didn't you announce Mr. and Mrs. Tavender in the or- dinary way, and show them in? 35 1 Mrs. K. opens door showing Mr, and Mrs. Tavender standing out- side. 2 Lady V. rises and goes down l. Sir J. rises and goes down R. to fireplace leaving the two chairs close together by breakfast table. 8 At back. * Mrs. K. gets near door R. B Mrs. T. gives an embarrass- ed laugh. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. II Mrs. K. I beg pardon, my lady. I understood you to say last night you didn't wish it to be known you are in town. [Looks exchanged between Tavender and Mrs. Tavender. Exit Mrs. Knap- man. 1 There is an air of restraint and embarrassment all through the fol- lowing scene. Long pause. 2 Right. * Sir J. goes up R. C. ' Sir J. returns to R. * Mrs. T. comes down R. c. Air. T. follows on her r. they both give a sus- picious glance at tlie table la id for break- fast and the two chairs close together Lady V. see- ing them look says very quickly" Have you had break- fast ? " when she says this they both start and speak to- gether. Sir J. How d'ye do, Mrs. Tavender? [Shaking hands. Mrs. T. How are you, Sir Joseph? Sir J. [To Tavender.] How are you, Tavender? [Shaking hands. Tav. Thanks, flourishing. And you? Splendid. Sit down, Cissy, fast? Sir J. [A little pause of embarrassment. 3 Lady V. Harry ! 4 Have you had break- Tav. Oh yes! Oh yes, dear. [Together. Mrs. T. Slight pause. 36 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Lady V. Then sit down. 1 What has brought you up at this hour? [Tavender and Mrs. Tavender sit down in an embarrassed zvay. Tav. You haven't heard from Hardolph? Lady V. No. Nothing has happened? Tav. Oh no ! Oh no ! Oh no, at least- Mrs. T. [Together. Slight pause. Lady V. My dear Cissy, is anything the matter? Tav. No. No. Mrs. T. Tav. You know that Hardolph is coming from Scot- land No. When? Lady V. Tav. This morning. He reaches Saint Pancras at ten. Lady V. Oh ! I hadn't the least idea. What's bringing him to town? 37 1 The 'Lavenders exchange un- comfortable glances and very slowly sit down . Mr s. Taz>ender in the arm chair L. and c. and Tavender on the extreme edge of Lady V.'s chair at breakfast table Lady V. sits on chair by desk L. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. II Tav. The Chilling-ham trustee business. We had to meet and sign a heap of deeds. Hardolph wired me to Weybridge last night to meet him here a little after ten this morning and as Cissy had a few things to do in town l 1 Half rising, with appeal- ing glances to Mrs Taven- der. t Rising. * T av e n d e r rises. * Tavender sits again. 5 Rising again. • T a v. r ises, Lady V. rises, Tav. goes up 7 Mrs. T. gives an embarras- sed laugh. cet Mrs. T. 2 I think we'd better be going, 3 or I shan't through before lunch. Lady V. Oh, don't hurry away. 4 Why didn't Hardolph let me know he was coming up? Tav. I don't suppose he knew himself till yesterday after- noon. To-day was the only day the judge could give us, and as it was August nobody was in town ; so we've had to telegraph everywhere to get the trustees and lawyers together. Mrs. T. 5 Harry, I must be at Fifine's at ten, and you must help me to choose the colors Tav. Of course, dear. 6 By Jove [pulling out watch] , I shall only just have time to get back here and meet Hardolph. 7 [Sir Joseph has been quietly watching the scene, standing and leaning against mantelpiece. He now comes a little forward. Sir J. My dear Tavender, it's very evident that you and Mrs. Tavender are a little surprised to find me here breakfasting with Lady Verona. 33 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Tav. Not at all, my dear fellow. Mrs. T. Not at all. At this time of year, when nobody's in town, its quite nice for old friends to run uo against each other and— and * Harry! Tav. I assure you, we think nothing of it. Mrs. T. Why of course it's the most natural thing in the world. Now, Harry ! 2 & Sir J. No—just a moment, please. Now that the matter eh S Lad" Veef ^"^ ^"^ ^ h ° W k ha PP ened - Lady V. Oh yes-it's really most ridiculous. I came from Oxfordshire last evening quite unexpectedly I hadnt the least idea that Sir Joseph was in town Mrs. T. Of course not. How should you? Tav. I assure you we— a— [stops, confused, and looks at his wife] don t intend to take the least notice of it. Mrs. T. It's just one of those things that are constantly occurring; and then if by any chance it leaks out people begin to gossip and put the wrong interpre- tation on it. F 39 1 L o o k ing at Tavender. 2 Both start to go up c. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. II Sir J. [Very sternly.] People must not put the wrong interpretation on it in this instance. So I'll give you the exact partic- ulars Tav. My dear Jo, you needn't trouble — Sir J. [Firmly.] Yes, if you please Tav. Well, if you insist Mrs. T. But we aren't the least curious Sir J. I came up to town last night from Devonshire, and lost all my luggage. My club was closed for clean- ing, and I happened to be passing that window about a quarter to eleven. [Pointing to window. Mrs. T. That window, there? Sir J. Yes. Knapman was leaning out of it. Knapman is a very old servant of my father's. Mrs. T. How very natural he should be leaning out of the window ! Sir J. Yes. Well, I was dead tired, and when Knapman offered to put me up for the night, I simply jumped at the idea! 40 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Tav. I should have jumped at it myself. Ta-ta. [Offering to go. Lady V. Of course when Knapman offered to put Sir Joseph up for the night, he hadn't the least idea I was in town. Mrs. T. Of course not. It's exactly similar to another case we know of — isn't it, Harry? Tav. Yes — yes, 1 I'll just run round with you to Fifine's and be back here to meet Hardolph. [Signifi- cantly.] He'll be here about a quarter past ten. Mrs. T. Good-bye, Sir Joseph ; Good-bye, Vee. Tav. Bye, bye, Jo; ta-ta, Vee. [Hurries off. 2 Sir Joseph and Lady Ver- ona left alone, look at each other and then laugh at each other. Sir J. They evidently believe that you and I met here by appointment. Lady V. Evidently. And she's such a silly gossiping crea- ture. 3 Sir J. Shall I wait and see Hardolph ? Lady V. No. Hardolph is awfully difficult at times — and with you 4i 1 Both go up to door c. 2 A t back with Mrs. T. 3 Crosses to r. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. II 1 Moves a step to Puts tier hat on. Goes up c. and stands L. of door. 4 Lady V. goes up c. to door. 6 At back. Back from r. Comes down to L. C. Why with me? Sir. J. 1 Lady V. Well, you aren't exactly the man a husband would choose to find breakfasting with his wife. Sir J. No, I suppose not. [Suddenly takes out watch.} Quarter to ten ! I've got it ! You must take a cab and meet Hardolph at Saint Pancras before he sees the Tavenders; tell him exactly how it happened and come on here with him. Shall I have time ? 2 Lady V. Sir J. Yes, if you make haste. The train's sure to be a few minutes late. I'll put you in a cab. 3 And you Lady V. Sir J. I'm going on to the club to see if my luggage has turned up; I'll come back here and meet you and Hardolph. I'm sure that's the best ! make haste ! 4 [Exeunt Sir Joseph and Lady Verona. 5 A pause. Mrs. Knapman cautiously peeps out of door, right, sees that no one is in the room, enters, goes to window, opens the sash; looks out. Knapman enters. 6 Knap. They've gone off together 7 No. alone Mrs. K. He's put her into a cab and she's drove off [Again looks out of windozv. 42 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Knap. What's he doing? Mrs. K. He's walking off in his usual careless manner. He's turned into Piccadilly. [Withdraws from window. Knap. 1 Didn't you say Mr. Tavender told you the master is coming up from Scotland this morning? Mrs. K. 2 Yes, I was standing at the front door when Mr. and Mrs. Tavender came up. " Good-morning, Mrs. Knapman," he says; "I've come up to see Mr. Mayne;" "He's in Scotland," I says. "No," he says, " he'll be here a little after ten, so I'll just step inside and wait for him." Well, I didn't know what to do, because last night her ladyship says, " Don't mention anything about Lady Joyce and me being up in town," she says. So I says to Mr. Tavender, " I beg pardon, but her ladyship is now at breakfast in the morning-room. I'll inquire whether it's convenient for her to see you." 3 Knap. 4 inr 1 5 Looks very peculiar ! What's the matter? Mrs. K. Knap. Mr. and Mrs. Tavender have come back again. 6 [A knock at outer door. Exit Knapman] 7 Mrs. Knapman stands in a listening attitude for a second, she goes off very gently? on tiptoe, closing the door after her softly. 43 3 Goes to r. c. 4 Going to win- dow. 5 Puts his head out of the win- dow and sud- denly w ith- draws it, snap- ping his fin- gers at Mrs. A", as a cau- tion to her to get out of the way. 6 Motions Mr s. K. to go off R. 7 At back. Right. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. II 1 At tack. 2 Comes r. * Attack. 6 Sits in arm chair L. C. Enter 1 Mr. and Mrs. Tavender, followed by Knapman. Tav. 2 Lady Verona has driven off, you say? Knap. 3 Yes, sir, in an hansom. Mrs. T. 4 And Sir Joseph? Knap. Sir Joseph put her ladyship into the cab, and then walked off by himself. [Tavender and Mrs. Tavender exchange glances. Tav. Oh, very well. We'll wait here for Mr. Mayne. Knap. Yes, sir. [Exit Knapman. 5 Left alone, the Tav- enders look at each other. Mrs. T. Well ! who could have thought it ? 6 Tav. [Grinning and chuckling.] I can't believe it ! I can't believe it ! Mrs. T. They've always been very much attached to each other, and Sir Joseph is horribly fascinating. Tav. Oh, I wouldn't trust Jo Lacy with my grandmother. [Grins, chuckles, and then bursts into a fit of laugh- 44 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I ter.] 1 But Vee— ! I couldn't have imagined that Vee would — well ! well ! well ! Mrs. T. One never knows. What convinced me was the stupid way they would keep on trying to excuse themselves. Tav. Oh that was d— ee— d silly of Jo. An old hand like him ought to know how to hold his tongue. And such an absurd story, too ! Lost his luggage ! Leaning out of that window ! Mrs. T. Oh, it was too ridiculous. [Laughs. Tav. But she played her part very well. Mrs. T. My dear Harry! Anyone could see through her in a moment. Now, Sir Joseph passed it off very well indeed. From his manner you might almost have thought he was telling the truth. Tav. Oh, no! Jo wasn't at all up to his usual form. Mrs. T. Well, I'm glad we gave them the chance of slipping away. Tav. Yes! you see they cleared out the moment we'd gone. Mrs. T. I never felt so awkward in my life, not even when 45 Goes to mirror •which is hang- ing on wall r., looks at him- self in it, smooths his hair, gr ins and then comes to l. of table R. and sits. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. II I found your cousin Jack kissing Lady Henry in the harness room. 1 Drags his chair nearer to Mrs. T. 1 Rises futs his chair back to table ami cros- ses to desk down L. * At writing- table below window. Tav. 1 Yes, that harness room row reminds me — [Very solemnly.] Now, Cissy, you'll hold your tongue about this? Mrs. T. Of course I shall. Tav. Not a word to Hardolph about Vee being up in town. Mrs. T. Of course not. But if Hardolph should find out that we knew — he is your cousin Tav. I can't help that. I've got too many cousins to look after all their wives. Perhaps you'd better send a line to Vee 2 [Rising and going dozen to desk. Mrs. T. What about? Tav. Hardolph will be here in a moment. Make haste and get it written before he comes. [He places chair for her 3 she scats herself and writes. Dictat- ing.] " My dear Vee. Harry thinks I'd better send you a line to say that neither he nor I shall mention a word about meeting you this morning to any- one " Mrs. T. [Having written."] " Anyone Tav. Underline "anyone." 46 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Mrs. T. [Writing.] " With love, Cissy." Tav. There! that gives her a free hand to tell Hardolph or not as she pleases. Mrs. T. Where shall I address it? Tav. Oh, Oxfordshire, I suppose. 1 Mrs. Knapman enters, right. Mrs. K. I beg pardon Tav. Did Lady Verona leave word whether she was coming back this morning? No, sir. 2 Mrs. K. Tav. Do you know where she has gone? Mrs. K. Her ladyship intended to go to Oxfordshire by the half-past ten train. Tav. Then I suppose she has gone. 3 Now a stamp. 4 Will you please see that this letter is posted this morning ? Mrs. K. Yes, sir. 5 Tav. [He stamps letter and gives it to Mrs. Knapman.] It's very important. 47 1 Goes to C 1 Coming- down 8 Goes to Mrs. Tavender and and gets letter. 4 Takes a stamp out of his purse. 5 Comes to c. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. II 1 Is going off*. Mrs. K. Yes, sir. 1 I beg pardon, sir Tav. Well? Mrs. K. Last night when her ladyship arrived she said she didn't wish it to be mentioned she was up in town. [Mr. and Mrs. Tavender exchange looks. Tav. Then of course you won't mention it. Mrs. K. Of course not, sir — we know our duty, but — [Stands a little embarrassed, looking at letter.] Of course we shan't mention it — of course not ! [Exit. 2 Enter 3 Hardolph Mayne, an ordinary English gentleman of thirty-live in travelling clothes; he is followed by Knapman; Mrs. Knapman puts letter in her pocket.* Mayne. Ah, my dear Harry, here you are ! Cissy, how are you? [Shaking hands zvith Mrs. Tavender. Mrs. T. How are you, Hardolph? Mayne. Whew! This heat is awful. How are you, Harry ? 5 Tav. Thanks. Flourishing ! 48 a Door, right. 8 At back. Mayne comes down 6 Shaking hands •with Taven- der. SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Mayne. [To Knap.] Has any telegram come for me? Knap. No, sir. Mayne. [Taking off his summer overcoat.] Take this and give it a brush. [To Mr. and Mrs. Tavender.] I rather thought Vee might come up. [Knapman shows surprise at Mayne' s remark, takes overcoat and hat from Mayne, 1 listening to following conver- sation. Mrs. T. 2 Does she expect you ? Mayne. 3 Well, when I found I should have to be in town to-day I wired her to come up if she could. She's in Oxfordshire with her people you know Tav. 4 Yes Mrs. T. Yes Mayne. I haven't seen her for a fortnight. And as we parted with a little tiff I thought she might be glad of the chance of making it up, eh ? [With a little laugh, Tav. Yes. Mrs. T. Naturally. Mayne. So I told her to wire me here, and I'd meet her 49 1 And goes ojff slowly at back. a Exchan g in g look with Tav- ender. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. II somewhere and give her some lunch. And she hasn't even taken the trouble to reply ! Tav. No? > [Together] Mrs. T. No ! J [Exchanging looks with Tavender* Mayne. Ah, well, after eight years of married life I suppose we mustn't expect these delicate little attentions from our wives, eh, Harry? 1 Mayne goes to r. taking out his pocket-book and glancing at letters, etc. * Goes up r. * Crosses to c. * Door, right ; leaving door open, they ■watch him off. Tav. We don't get them, do we? x Mayne. 2 To come seventy miles to take a simple meal with your husband — rather a severe strain on your wifely affection, eh, Cissy? [Tavender glances at table. Mrs. T. 3 Oh I feel sure Vee hasn't got your telegram, or there has been some mistake. Mayne. Well, she's coming down to Scotland next week. And I've got no time to spare. Confounded nui- sance this bothering business! Haslip has got his big shoot on to-morrow, and if I don't catch the two o'clock from Euston I shall be out of it. Now if I bustle about I shall just get through. Let me see — these trustee papers — where are they? Oh yes, in my secretary in the next room [Exit. 4 Mrs. T. You see ! He hasn't the least suspicion. 50 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Tav. No. Now, my dear Cissy, you will hold your tongue this time? Mrs. T. My dear Harry, take care of your own tongue when you get in that club smoking-room. But I really think somebody should caution Vee, don't you? Tav. No! No! If there's going to be a scandal do let us keep out of it. Remember that awful harness- room row. — Now, Cissy, you will take care. — Hush! Mayne re-enters, 1 with a bundle of legal documents in his hand. Knapman enters, 2 with Mayne' s hat and overcoat. Mayne. Now, Harry, are you ready ? 3 Tav. Quite. Cissy, we'll pop you into a cab Mrs. T. Very well. And you'll meet me at Waterloo at four o'clock? Tav. Right. Mayne. 4 \To Knapman.] No, I'll carry it on my arm. [Taking overcoat.] Knap. Shall you require your room to be prepared, sir? Mayne. No, I'm not coming back. Send on my letters as 5i 1 Right. » At back. 3 Mayne comes to c. from R. Knapman /lands him his hat then goes behind Mayne to Mayne 1 s R. holding the overcoat ready for him to put * During May- ne' 's tines with Knapman Mrs. T. has bu- siness "with Ta- vender, taking her purse out and a s king Ta v. for change, etc. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. II usual. Now, Harry! I do think Vee might have come up. Mrs. T. Oh, I wouldn't worry about it * 1 Goes up to door * At back. Rigid. * Leaves door open. Mayne. No, but still — Not quite kind of her, eh? Tav. Come along! We mustn't keep old Justice Bonsar waiting. [Hurrying Mayne off. 2 Mrs. Tavender has gone off. Knapman lias listened to the conversation and follows them off. Mrs. Knapman enters, 5 and begins clearing away the breakfast things. Re-enter Knapman, stands in the centre of room, in a very puzzled attitude. 4 Knap. I can't get the hang of it. Mrs. K. The hang of what? Knap. When her ladyship arrived last night, what was her manner ? Mrs. K. Well, both she and Lady Joyce had a flurried look. Knap. Innocent flurried? Or fishy flurried? Mrs. K. There was something peculiar about it. 52 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Knap. Eliza, I'm afraid this is all a put-up job of Sir Joseph's. Mrs. K. Think so? Knap. Her ladyship's first word to me this morning was, "How's your mother? I'll send her some old linen. Tell her to let me know if there's anything she wants." That was as much as to bribe me for holding my tongue. Mrs. K. Master don't suspect anything? Knap. Not a word. He's as innocent as a baby. Mrs. K. What had we better do? Knap. Keep our mouths shut. He's a good master; and apart from this aberration of conduct Lady Verona is a good mistress. We've no right to wreck their married happiness by letting on. Mrs. K. I sha'n't say a word, but I wouldn't answer for you when you get round at the " Lord Palmerston." Knap. I never betray the secrets of my family, and don't you. But I'm sorry. Just Sir Joseph's old games! Lost his luggage! Drops in as if by accident! And only last night he told me as he's left off all his youthful sprees ! Lost his luggage ! 53 ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. II 1 At back. 8 Goes down I.. and puis his hat and slick on desk. 8 Looks at Mrs. K. • At back. B Coming down L. c. Sir Joseph enters hurriedly. 1 Sir J. Oh, Knapman, I found the front door open and I came in. 2 Knap. Yes, Sir Joseph. Sir J. My lug-gage has turned up. Knap. [Severely. ] I'm gla^ t0 near ft> Sir Joseph. 3 Sir J. Yes, got it all safe at Victoria. Knap. [Same severe tone.] That must be a great relief, sir. Sir J. Has her ladyship returned yet? Knap. No, Sir Joseph. Here is her ladyship. Lady Verona enters. 4 Sir J. Well? Lady V. 5 My cab got blocked and the train was in before I got there. Sir J. Then you've missed him? Lady V. Has Mr. Mayne arrived? 54 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Yes, my lady. Where is he? Knap. Lady V. Knap. He has gone off again. Lady V. Where? Knap. I don't know, my lady ; but he said he wasn't re- turning here. So I expect he has gone back to Scotland. 1 Mrs. K. Didn't you tell him I was here? Knap. No, my lady; he was in such a hurry, I never got a chance of informing him. [Exit. 2 Mrs. K. 3 My lady, here is a letter that Mrs. Tavender asked me to post your ladyship. Lady V. Oh, very well. [Takes letter, reads it. Exit Mrs. Knapman. 4 Lady Verona reads letter, shows in- dignation—hands it to Sir Joseph, zvho takes it and reads it. Watching him.] You see! She actually imagines that I — oh— how dare she! I must write her 5 Sir J. No. She's a foolish little woman. You'll only make matters worse if you're angry with her. I wonder what has become of Hardolph ? 6 55 1 Sir J. goes to •window. 2 At back. 3 Mrs. K. comes behind table R. toe. 6 Crosses to desk 8 Goes to R. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. II Lady V. I suppose he has gone back to Scotland. Sir J. You must send him a history of the whole affair by to-night's post. I'll write him too. Lady V. [Quickly.] 1 * Coming L. C. » Takes Utter front him. 8 Pushes Sir J. away fr o in her into L. C. of stage and then backs up above window holding the curtains a lit- tle in/ront of her. No — no— he wouldn't understand it coming from you. Why not? Sir J. Lady V. Because he — he wouldn't. 2 No, I'm going to Har- dolph next week. And I'll explain everything the first suitable opportunity. But that horrid little Cissy ! [She has unconsciously approached the window. Sir J. [Following her tenderly.] Vee, I should never forgive myself if any harm came to you through me. You know how deeply I Lady V. 3 Keep away from that window ! Sir J. What's the matter? Lady V. There's that dreadful woman again. Who? Sir J. Lady V. Mrs. Pakenham. She lives opposite ; she's the most 56 SC II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I spiteful old creature. She saw you putting me into the cab just now and I could see from her look that she suspected What? Sir J. Lady V*. Oh, I don't know ! The worst ! That sort of per- son always does. And I've cut her so persistently! She'll only be too pleased to get a chance of making mischief about me. Sir J. [Unconsciously approaching zvindow.] I can't tell you how sorry I am Lady V. [Calls out alarmed.] Keep away from the window ; don't let her see you. Jo, you don't think anything serious will come of this? Sir J. 1 How can it ? But be sure you let Hardolph know. Lady V. Oh, I will, the first suitable opportunity. [Has crept to the window; peeps out from behind cur- tains.] She's there still. I'm sure she's watching this house. Sir J. What are you going to do now ? Lady V. I must get back to Oxfordshire. 2 I shall just catch the eleven-fifteen. What are yon going to do ? Sir J. I'm off to Switzerland by the seven from Victoria. 3 I'll put you in a cab. 4 57 1 Goes to c ! Goes to c. s Taking out ■watch. * A bout to go up ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. II Lady V. No — you mustn't be seen coming out from this house with me Sir J. You're getting into a panic. Lady V. Yes, I am ! I must try to steady myself. I'll go quietly out, and you stay here. 1 Sir J. Yes. But I've only just time to catch my train, and 2 Lady V. You don't wish to compromise me, do you? Sir J. You shouldn't ask that. 3 Lady V. Then wait here at least five minutes after I've gone. 1 Goes up to c. a little. 3 Gels a f e w steps R. 3 Comi7tg to c. 4 Goes up to door c. Joseph fol- loius on her r. Sir J. Oh, but Lady V. Yes, please. Good-bye. Sir J. Good-bye. [He takes her hand, and snatches the glove which is in her left hand; kisses her hand very tenderly. Lady V. 4 Jo, you are incorrigible. Now, Jo, you won't leave here till the hand of that clock points ten minutes to eleven. Promise me! 58 SC. II JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT I Sir J. Ten minutes to eleven. I promise. [Exit Lady Verona. 1 Left alone, he sits, shows signs of great impatience; 2 looks at his watch, looks at the clock? kisses her glove, puts it in his pocket, rises again, stamps his feet, inadvertently goes to the window; stands there a mo- ment, starts suddenly back from it. 1 At back. 2 Goes down. 3 Moves R. c. Sir J. There's that damned old woman again! [Knapman has entered? to see his movement. Knap. Anything the matter, Sir Joseph? Sir J. No. E [Knapman regards him curiously for a mo- ment or tzvo. Knap. Anything I can do for you, sir? Sir J. No — no — [Knapman is withdrawing at back.] Yes ! [Taking a luggage ticket out of his waistcoat pocket.] My luggage is in the cloak-room at Vic- toria. Here's the ticket ! Will you take a cab, get it out and register the two big portmanteaux for Lucerne ? Knap. Yes, Sir Joseph. Lucerne. [Going off, stops, looks at Sir Joseph curiously. 59 * At back. 6 Crosses to down R. and then turns. ACT I JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. II Sir J. Quick, my good fellow, you've no time to lose! [Knapman goes off l with the luggage ticket, looking very much perplexed at Sir Joseph. Sir Joseph again left alone, gets more impatient, walks to desk, takes up his hat, walks backwards and forwards, muttering, " Oh, con- found and curse the thing." takes the clock down, puts it on table, shakes fist at it, picks it up, shakes it, puts it down again, walks to desk and picks up his stick, zvalks back again, muttering, stamping curtain. 60 ACT II JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I Sir J. [Turns round on the library chair.] Then I suppose we may consider ourselves com- fortably settled in, eh? Stad. Yes, I suppose, Sir Joseph. And if I may say so, I'm very glad to be back in our own quarters again. * Rises and goes to fireplace. 8 Goes up c. to desk. 8 Stad. goes up to him. * Giving Sir Joseph the book. B Taking book. Sir. J. 1 So am I, Staddon. [Looking at invitation cards.] Lady Jervis — Mrs. Enderby Stad. I beg pardon, Sir Joseph, you told me to remind you that you dine with Professor Tofield to-mor- row night. Sir J. Ah, yes, and a damned dull time I'm going to have with his fogies. Very well, Staddon, we'll dine 2 with the Professor to-morrow night; [making a note in engagement-book] we'll tick him off and then we'll begin to enjoy ourselves. Stad. I beg pardon, Sir Joseph, but I suppose you intend to continue your Friday dinners? [Taking a cellar-book out of his pocket. Sir J. Yes, of course, Staddon. 3 Stad. Because if you'll look over the cellar-book, 4 you'll find we're getting a little short of some of our special wines. Ninety-two Clicquot. 62 Sir J. b Only six bottles. I wonder SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT II ' Sits at desk. 2 Gives book back to Staddon. 3 Giving Stad- d on about tiu e n ty ad- dressed envel- opes "which have been ly- ing on the •writing-desk. if there's any more of that to be got. We must keep up our reputation, Staddon. Stad. Well, Sir Joseph, we've always managed to do so up to the present. Sir J. I think we have, Staddon. 1 I think we have ! 2 That reminds me: here are the invitations for the first two dinner parties. 3 And, Staddon, I'm think- ing of giving a few little Sunday luncheons as well. I shall want your help to make them a success. Stad. I think you may rely upon me, Sir Joseph. Sir J. I'm sure I may. Now I'm back in town I intend to see a good deal of my friends, and I intend my friends to see a good deal of me. Stad. I'm sure, Sir Joseph, all your friends will be very pleased so to do. Then we shall remain in town for the entire winter? Sir. J. 4 Yes, I think. After all, London's the only place fit to live in. 5 Stad. Exactly the remark I was making to Mrs. Trabb this morning. I said, " London's good enough for me," I said; and I added " I trust I'm good enough for London;" and she replied," I sincerely trust you are, Mr. Staddon." Sir J. A very excellent sentiment on the part of Mrs. 63 * Rises. 5 Comes down c. and leans on back of chair R. of table. ACT II JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I Trabb. Yes, very well, Staddon, I hope we shall prove ourselves worthy citizens of London town for the next few months. Post those invitations. 1 1 Goes up to win- dow. a Lower door. Stad. Yes, Sir Joseph. [Exit 2 [Left alone Sir Joseph goes back to desk picks up from amongst the litter, the glove which he had taken from Lady Verona in the Urst act, looks at it fondly, kisses it, takes up a letter from the desk, reads it. " My dear Jo, " You need not trouble any further about our little adventure. It has quite blown over; and Hardolph, like a dear good sensible husband, has said nothing further about it. We got back to Sa- ville Street last evening, and shall stay here till Christmas. When do you get back to town? Let us know, and come and dine with us some evening. But please say nothing to Hardolph about your breakfast in Saville Street, as if you mention it he might attach some importance to it. " With kindest regards, [S/g/w.] " Your affectionate mother, " Vee." [He kisses the letter; kisses the glove. He hastily puts letter in pocket and throws glove to desk; it misses desk and falls on the side, where it remains. He then goes down to settee, settles himself comfortably in it, and says half under his breath : Sir J. That's all right, now I'm going to have a damned 64 good time SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT II Enter Staddon/ showing in Gerald Fanmere, a weak, amiable, fussy little man, about thirty. Staddon announces — " Mr. Fanmere." [Exit Staddon. 2 Sir J. [Advancing very cordially.] r Ah, my dear Fanny ! Delighted to see you! How's Lady Joyce? Fan. Joyce is in the country. I've wired her to come up about this wretched business. 3 Wretched business? ! Sir J. Fan. Now, my dear Jo, if anything is to be done, it must be done at once, before it's too late. Have you anything to propose? Sir J. With regard to what? Fan. It's useless to beat about the bush. Hardolph knows everything ! Sir J. Yes, of course he does. Fan. Well? Sir J. Well? well? well? Like a sensible husband he's taking no notice of it. Fan. Taking no notice of it! He's raging like a mad- man. 65 1 Lower door. 8 Lower door. 8 Crosses to R. ACT II JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. I Sir J. What's he doing that for? Fan. Well wouldn't you, under the circumstances? I know I should. He's threatening every moment to go to Cattermoul. 1 1 Gets on settee * Drops into settee. s Sits by hint. * Leans back. Who's Cattermoul? His lawyer. Sir J. Fan. Sir J. Will you please tell me what has happened? Fan. The day before yesterday Jermyn Pyecroft was telling a couple of fellows the whole story in the smoking-room of the New Carlton; and just as he came to the spicy part of it Sir J. Excuse me. What do 3 you call the spicy part ? Fan. About your losing your luggage and begging a shake-down for the night. 4 Damned silly story that, Jo ! Sir J. You think so? Well, isn't it? Go on. Fan. Sir J. Fan. Well, all the time Hardolph was sitting in a big armchair with his back to them; and just as Pye- 66 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT II croft came to the point where Harry Tavender gave you the tip that Hardolph was coming up from Scotland that morning Sir J. Harry Tavender gave me the tip that Fan. My dear Jo, you don't deny Tavender did give you the tip Sir J. Go on. Fan. Just then, up jumps Hardolph from behind his paper and says, " Pyecroft, perhaps you'll be good enough to tell me the remainder of this story at my own house." Tableau ! Sir J. But Lady Verona told Hardolph all about it directly she got down to Scotland [Drawing Lady Verona's letter from his pocket 1 and glancing at it. Fan. [Much annoyed.] My dear Jo, what is the use of telling me a silly tarradiddle like this? Hardolph knew nothing about it till the day before yesterday. Sir J. 2 Are you sure? [Glancing at Lady Verona's letter and put- ting it back in his pocket, puzzled. Fan. [Getting more and more irritated.] Am I sure? Is it likely that Vee would tell him of her own account? Is it likely 3 Sir J. Surely Mayne doesn't imagine 6 7 But good heaven ! that 1 Fan. rises and goes to c. 2 Rises. 3 Coming back to him R. C. ACT II JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I 1 Taps him in a quiet, frie?idly way on the shoulder. * Drops into set- tee- 3 Starting off to 1 Stopping him. Fan. runs over L. c. after hint. 5 Brings Sir J. back to c. Fan. 1 My clear Jo, this story is being repeated every- where, all over the town What! 2 Sir J. Fan. So it's no use to play the innocent martyr. Every- thing's known. All you've got to do is to own up, and see whether we can pull poor Vee out of the fire. Sir J. Certainly Lady Verona must be saved at all costs. At all costs ! Fan. Yes, I daresay! What are you going to do? Sir J. 3 Do? Go straight across to Mayne to tell him not to make an ass of himself. Fan. 4 Are you mad? You mustn't go near him till I've smoothed things down. Why not? Sir J. Fan. e He's in a frantic state, pacing up and down the drawing-room like a caged tiger, swearing one mo- ment he'll kill you, and the next that he'll take the whole matter to Cattermoul. And Lady Verona? Sir J. Fan. Vee's in just as desperate a state downstairs; de- 68 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT II Glaring she's innocent; saying she'll leave Hardolph; going into hysterics. Oh, they're having some very high jinks in Saville Street to-day, I assure you. Sir J. But what are people saying? * Who started it? I suppose I may thank Harry Tavender and his wife for this Fan. You may thank yourself, my dear Jo, but the Tav- enders have done their little best to get the story known everywhere. Sir J. But good heavens ! 2 It's monstrous ! I Enter Staddon, 3 showing in Professor Tofield, a stout, pompons, aggressive man of seventy- five, with large gold spectacles. Staddon an- nounces—" Professor Tofield." Sir. J. 4 Ah, my dear uncle, one moment. 5 Staddon, I be- lieve Mr. Tavender is on the telephone. Please ring him up and say I should be much obliged if he and Mrs. Tavender would come on here at once. Stad. Yes, Sir Joseph. [Exit Staddon 6 Sir J. Now, my dear uncle, how d'ye do ? [Offering hand, which Tofield zvill not see. Tof. [Glaring at Sir Joseph through his spectacles.] I wish to have a word with you in private. — 7 How h sits. I 'v crof comes down to him- 6 Bell heard off Certainly, Sir J. Pye. Why not go abroad and allow matters to cool down ? 86 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT II I was dining with Sir Edward last night, and it seems that the governorship of our new Pacific group is vacant. I know of no person so com- petent to govern Pacific Islanders as yourself. Shall I call on Sir Edward and suggest you for the post ? Doesn't that offer a way out of the difficulty? Sir J. I think not. If I sneak away that will be tanta- mount to acknowledging the truth of this slander. And she'll have to stay and bear the brunt of it alone. No, I mustn't run away ! Pye. Do you think you'll serve her interests, her reputa- tion, by staying in England? I think so. Sir J. Pye. [With a little shrug.} Then, my dear Joseph, adieu. 1 I trust I have done all that friendship requires of me? Yes. Good-bye. 2 Sir J. Sir J. [Pyecroft is going. Pyecroft! [Pyecroft stops.] Perhaps after alt you're right — What terms are you on with Mayne since Pye. Since the club smoking-room? My dear Joseph, I never allow any man to be on bad terms with me. I framed a winsome apologv to poor Hardolph, and I now appear to him as a beatific bachelor, anxious only to inaugurate a millennium of conjugal peace. Can I be of any service? 87 Sir J. rings bell. Pye. goes L. c. Bell as before, 2 Going C. ACT II JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I Sir J. I don't know how this may turn out. It might be a friendly thing to me — and to her — if you'd find out from Mayne whether my absence abroad for some months would allow this to blow over? Pye. I'll go over to Saville Street and gently intimate the same 1 1 Goes to door. 1 Opens door and stops. 3 Lower do o> left. Sir J. You won't commit me — or her — in any way? Pye. Certainly not. It shall be the obvious suggestion of the disinterested bachelor. Sir J. Thanks. And you'll let me know ? Pye. As soon as I've seen him. 2 Sir J. * Down R. c. Pyecroft, she's straight Pye. My dear Joseph, the alternative is unthinkable. [Exit Pyecroft. 3 Tofield at window makes a start and on exclamation of surprise, comes dozen and glares at Sir Joseph through his spectacles. Sir J. Anything the matter? [Tofield stands glaring at Sir Joseph, and points with his thumb to the window which he has just left. Sir Joseph goes hurriedly up to the window, looks out, comes back puzzled. 4 Tofield remains speechless, glaring 88 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT II ferociously at Sir Joseph through his spectacles.'] What is it? What has happened? [Tofield makes an effort to speak, but remains speechless.] My dear uncle, you Seem to be laboring under some extraordinary difficulty. [Tofield gathers up all liis forces for a tremendous explosion.] Will you please tell me what has disturbed you? Lady- door- -just Tof. stepped Lady ?l [Exploding.] out of cab — entered Sir J. Tof. your Yes. I came here prepared to give you my opinion of your conduct in no measured terms. Sir J. Proceed, my dear uncle! Proceed! Tof. No, I will forbear to tax my somewhat enfeebled organs; I will refrain from useless expostula- tion Sir J. Thank you, very much ! * Tof. I will content myself by stating that I leave the whole of my late wife's fortune to moral and phil- anthropic institutions. And I have now the satis- faction of wishing you a final adieu. Sir J. Good-day, my dear uncle. Good-day. [Rings bell. 2 Tofield goes up to desk to get his hat, which he has left there. In coming back he kicks against Lady Ve- 89 1 Goes to r. 2 Bell as before, ac r 11 JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. I Sir J. places h is cigar on ash tray R. 1 L owe r do o r left. Putt in g her round upper door .'rrs and goes doivn R. c. down to lu-r. 6 Crosses him to rona's glove at corner of desk. He stoops, picks it up. handles it very gin- gerly, looks at it very suspiciously. As he does so the handle of the upper door, left, is turned, the door opens. Lady Verona just puts her head in, cat dies sight of Tofield, utters a little scream, withdraws, and closes door. Sir Jo- seph shows surprise and confusion. Tofield grows redder and more angry, and goes off l Sir Joseph watches him off, then goes to upper door left, opens it. Are you alone? Yes. 3 Lady V. 2 Sir J. Sir J. I'm delighted you've come, but aren't you fearfully imprudent? 4 Lady V. Yes — I can't help that. I asked your man to show me in there till they'd g-or.e. Sir J. You haven't — left Hardolph? Lady V. No — though I think he means to drive me to it. Sir J. Ah! . [Approaching her. Lady V. No! 5 please don't be foolish. [Looks round very nervously.] You're quite sure we're alone? Sir J. Yes — don't be afraid. Tell me what has brought you here. 90 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT II Lady V. I couldn't bear the suspense any longer. I've had two awful days. 1 I felt I must throw myself over the precipice rather than endure another hour's tor- ture. Why haven't you answered my letters ? Sir J. Letters ? # Lady V. I've written you twice since this happened. Sir J. The last letter I had from you reached me at Milan a fortnight ago. [Drawing it from his pocket.] I answered it at once. Lady V. You didn't get a letter yesterday, and the night be- fore? Sir J. Not a scrap. Lady V. [Frightened.] Then 2 what has become of them? If they should have fallen into my husband's hands ! Oh! Sir J. What did you say in the letters? Lady V. I can't quite remember. I'm trying to think Sir J. Were they — very tender? Lady V. Tender! No! 3 How can you suppose I should write anything tender to you— especially just now ? 9i 1 Sits r. of table L. C. 1 Rises and crosses to R. 3 Lady V. sits on settee r. ACT II JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. I 1 Takes her hand which is resting on arm of settee. 2 Sits on arm of settee. Sir J. Then why should it matter if they fell into your husband's hands? Lady V. Because — because I appealed to you to come and save me Sir J. Ah ! [Approaching her tenderly. Lady V. No — no, do keep away from me, please. And my letters might be taken for the appeal of a guilty woman — Oh ! Sir J. Don't be alarmed! You know that I'm entirely at your service. [Again approaching her very 1 ten- derly.] Tell me what you wish me to do! Lady V. I wish you not to make love to me. That was Pro- fessor Tofield who left here just now? Sir J. Yes. Lady V. He's a friend of my husband. We dine with him to-morrow night — if ever we dine with anybody any more. Sir J. I wouldn't fret about losing the Professor's dinner — or his acquaintance. 2 Lady V. I don't. But as I was getting out of the cab just now Mr. Jermyn Pyecroft was coming out of the door — of course my first impulse was not to see 92 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT II him ; well he saw through that, and then of course I had to recognize him and bow; then my next im- pulse was to pretend that I was going to Lady George's next door — well he saw through that too; so I had to face it out and come in here, and I know I looked quite guilty : that's the worst of this ; I be- gin to feel quite guilty — and of course Pyecroft thinks Sir J. I wouldn't fret about Pyecroft. He's a man of the world, and he's used to this sort of thing-. Lady V. Used to what sort of thing?! I'm not used to it. [Suddenly bursting into reproaches.] Oh, you have placed me in a terrible position. Terrible! Terrible ! Terrible ! Sir. J. [Again approaching her very tenderly.] * I can't tell you how sorry I am. But I'm glad you've come to me in your distress. [Getting very tender.] You may be quite sure that whatever hap- pens I shall stick to you through Lady V. [Repulsing him.] No! no! That's just what I don't want you to do, unless — unless Unless what? Sir J. Lady V. Well, of course if things come to the worst, then it would be very kind of you to Sir J. [Trying to clasp her.] You may be sure I will. Lady V. [Repulsing him.] No ! No ! You are not to make love to me 93 Rising. 1 Leaning ever back of settee. ACT II JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. I Sir J. I won't [Again approaching her very tenderly.] But come now, Vee, put yourself entirely in my 1 Rises, crosses to up c. Sir J. remains by back of seat. 2 Comes donun c. and leans over back of chair K. of table L. c. 8 Moves c. to her. 4 Sits in chair by table. B Lady V. rises crosses to R. c. and stands be- hind settee. hands- Lady V. But you are making love to me Sir J. No, no, I'm not. I assure you I'm not. Tell me, how can I put things right ? Lady V. Well, how can you? [Again looks at him and bursts out again into reproaches.] * Why did you ask Knapman to put you up for the night? Why didn't you go to a club, or to an hotel, or anywhere, rather than come and stay in the very house where I was ? 2 Sir J. It was senseless of me. 3 I deserve to be whipped. But why didn't you tell Hardolph all about it ? You promised you would. Lady V. I promised I would at the first suitable opportunity. Sir J. Well? Lady V. Well, I never got a suitable opportunity. 4 Sir J. [Drawing letter from pocket.] But you say in this letter [reading] : " Hardolph, like a dear good sensible husband has said nothing further about it." Lady V. 5 Well, that's quite true. If he didn't know any 94 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT II thing about it he couldn't say anything about it. Could he? Sir. J. 1 Then you never told him ? 2 Lady V. Oh, please don't you begin to reproach me! It was quite impossible for me to tell him. Why Sir J. Lady V. Well — you know I told you that I always keep a birch rod for Hardolph when he's impossible. Sir J. Yes — well ? Lady V. You are my birch rod. [Sir J. is much puzzled.'] Sir J. I don't understand. Lady V. It's pretty generally known that — well, that you have been devotedly attached to me for a long while. Sir J. [Again approaching her very tenderly. ] That's true! Lady V. [Again putting him azvay.] Well, you can't blame a woman if she takes ad- vantage of a thing like that? Sir J. How? Lady V. Whenever Hardolph has been unusually horrid I've 95 1 Putting- letter back in pocket. 1 In a tone of re- proach, goes ■up a step. ACT II JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. I always told him that if he didn't appreciate me, you did. Sir J. [Goes to her quickly.} Quite true! [Delighted.] Serve him right ! Lady V. And just before I left for Oxfordshire we had a very great tiff, and he became so utterly unbearable that at last I lost my temper and told him you were dying to take me off his hands ! Sir J. overjoyed. What? Well, of course that settles the whole matter. 1 [Attempting to embrace her.] Lady V. No, no, I didn't mean it Sir J. But you must mean it. Try to realize your posi- tion, dear. Through no fault of yours and mine everybody believes us guilty. Whatever I do, what- ever I say, even if you pacify Hardolph, there will always be a suspicion attaching to us Lady V. Oh, don't say that! It's horrible! Sir J. Would it be so very horrible to trust your life to the care of the man who has always loved you, who never loved you so devotedly as now Lady V. Oh I couldn't ! I couldn't ! Jo, you must do some- thing! 96 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT II Sir J. What? All the afternoon I've been trying to de- fend you — I've given my word of honor, my oath — they wouldn't believe me. But while they were buzzing round me with their little sneers, I kept on thinking, I kept on hoping— yes, I do hope it ! I'm glad of it ! I kept on saying to myself, " Suppose I can't prove her innocent. Suppose she must come to me ! Suppose I can't save her ! " * Lady V. 2 Jo, you don't want to save me! You don't mean to save me ! Sir J. You shouldn't say that. Tell me what you would do if you were in my place ? Lady V. [Desperate.] Oh, I don't know ! 3 If I were a man I would find out some way to save the woman I loved ! 4 [Bursts into tears.] Sir ]. [Looks at her a moment, then goes to her, takes her hand away from her face.] Vee, dear! I will try! I'll be perfectly loyal to you. Believe me I will! On my honor, on my love for you, the only thing left that's sacred to me, I'll do something — everything that can be done ! I'll leave no stone unturned. Trust me. Lady V. Thank you, 5 thank you with all my heart. 6 Sir J. Now let's set to work. What's Hardolph doing? Lady V. Threatening all sorts of things— threatening to kill you, threatening to kill me. 97 1 Gets nearer to her. 2 Rises. 3 Goes up desk. * Drops chair by into desk. 6 Rises. 6 He brings her down c. on her ACT II JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I Sir J. What? Lady V. Don't be alarmed, of course he doesn't mean it — threatening to go to Cattermoul Sir J. Does he know you've come here ? Lady V. No. I've not seen him since last evening. Sir J. You must go back to him, tell him you've been here to see me, and say that I'm coming on to give him a clear and truthful account of the whole affair. Lady V. Will that be the best thing to do? Sir J. It's the only thing to do, at present. Lady V. But he's in a terrible state — or he was last evening. Sir J. You mustn't be afraid of him * Lady V. 1 Goes r. I won't- 2 Rings bell and comes c. Bell as be/ore. ' Sir J. takes her hand. Sir J. I'll put you in a cab 2 Lady V. No — let your man see me to the door — Oh! Sir J. 3 Courage — courage. 98 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT II Enter Staddon/ with two letters on tray. 2 Stad. I beg pardon, Sir Joseph, these letters arrived yes- terday before your return. Mrs. Trabb happened to take them in downstairs and they got behind some things on her dresser. She hopes you'll ex- cuse her Sir J. [Has taken letters.] Your two missing letters Lady V. 3 I'm glad they're safe. Yes, give them to me — there's nothing in them. [He gives her the let- ters. 4 She puts them in her pocket. Sir J. The door, Staddon, and my hat and gloves. [Exit Staddon. 5 Lady V. You think I'd better see Hardolph before you come , Sir J. By all means. Whatever you do, don't seem afraid of him. Lady V. I'm not — only Sir J. Be perfectly calm and courageous. Lady V. I will — only, dear man, he'll need some handling! [With a little shiver. .] Sir J. Well then, handle him, dear man, handle him ! 99 LOFC 1 Lower door, left. 1 Comes to L. c. Lady V. goes up c. Sir J. moves c. to Staddon. 8 Coming do~.vn R. c. and hold- ing out her hand J or them. 4 After a mo- ment's hesita- tion. 8 L o vj e r door left. ACT II JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I [Taking her hand.] Handle him very delicately and firmly. Perhaps a little good-natured chaff? Eh? Lady V. Chaff? Sir J. Yes — chaff him out of it. Lady V. [Dubiously.] I'll try— hut Sir J. I'll come on and help you. Lady V. You won't be long? Sir J. I'll be round in half an hour. Lady V. Jo, I trust you thoroughly. Sir J. You may. Lady V. [Going off.] In half an hour? Sir J. In half an hour ! Quick Curtain. ioo ACT III. Scene. — The back drawing-room at Mr. Har- dolph Mayne's, Saville Street. A hand- somely furnished room in the same house as Act I. On the left a large fireplace with fire burning. On the back up right a door. Along left at back velvet shutting off the front draw- ing-room. A small space of wall between the door and curtains. Discover Hardolph Mayne pacing up and down the room. Knapman and Mrs. Knap- man are standing in a constrained, uncomfort- able attitude. 1 Mayne. Now I ask you once more — You heard me tell Mr. and Mrs. Ta vender that I'd telegraphed to her lady- ship to come up from Oxfordshire and lunch with me that day? Knap. I believe you did mention something about it, sir — eh, Eliza? Mayne. Then why didn't you tell me that her ladyship was in town, and that she had stayed the night here? [Pause.] Why don't you answer me? Knap. Well sir, I've been with you now over four years, and I hope I've always given satisfaction roi « Mrs. K. R. C. Knapman Mayne at fire- place. ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. I Mayne. [With an impatient gesture] Why didn't you tell me that her ladyship had left the house only a few minutes before ? Knap. [Very uncomfortable.] Well [Appeals to Mrs. Knapman.] Eliza — Mrs. K. Your memory again, Knapman. Knap. That's the only way I can account for it Mayne. You tell me that Now, for the last time, will you tell me the truth, or must I send for Mr. Cat- termoul to get it out of you ? [Pause.] Which is it to be? Knap. Well, sir, I put it to you, supposing you had been placed in our circumstances Mayne. What circumstances ? Knap. The circumstances in which we then found our- selves placed. Mayne. But [Frantic gesture, calms himself.] Will you tell me what the circumstances were? Knap. Well, sir, on the one hand there was yourself, sir, and your happiness and all the consequences that were entailed 1 02 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Go on — well ? Mayne. Knap. On the other hand there was her ladyship and her ladyship's family and position Well? Well? Mayne. Knap. On the third hand there was Sir Joseph ; and having lived in his family for fifteen years [an angry ges- ture from Mayne] — not that I wish to defend him in the least, sir. Eliza knows, and Heaven knows, that if I'd had the least suspicion anything was wronsr [Maddened.] Mayne. What do you mean? Knap. Well, sir, as I say, on the one hand there was your- self and my duty towards you ; on the other hand there was her ladyship and Sir Joseph, and all I can assure you, sir, is that I was actuated solely by a desire to spare your feelings Mayne. [Angrily.] My feelings! What business have you to consider my feelings? Knap. Well, sir, I did consider them. I hope I was right in so doing. I talked it over with Mrs. Knap- man [Glancing at Mrs. Knapman. Mayne. Talked what over? Knap. What we've now been talking about, sir. 103 ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I 1 Mrs. K. cros- ses to c. Mayne. Mrs. Knapman, will you please tell me what you know about this ? 1 Mrs. K. Oh, if you please, sir, I'd rather not mention any- thing that would perpetrate against her ladyship ; a better or kinder mistress never lived, though liable to the temptation of her sect, the same as all of us Mayne. Will you answer my question? When her ladyship arrived in town what did she say to you ? Mrs. K. [With slow, constrained manner as of an unwilling witness.] After Lady Joyce had gone, her ladyship said, " I shall want some breakfast in the morning." * Furious g e s- ture. What did you say ? Mayne. Mrs. K. * Moves down L. C. * Mayne turns to her. I said, " Yes, my lady. Would you prefer a sole or ham and eggs " — oh sir, she's more sinned against than sinning. Mayne. 2 Will you please tell me what her ladyship said? Mrs. K. She said, " A sole will do," or words to that effect. Mayne. 3 What else? Mrs. K. Well, sir, when her ladyship asked me not to men- tion that she was in town 4 104 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Mayne. Her ladyship asked you not to mention she was in town ! Why didiv t you tell me that before ? Mrs. K. Well, sir, Knapman and me thought it wouldn't be judicious. Mayne. Judicious ! — Good heaven ! Mrs. K. And also Mr. Tavender advised us to say nothing about it. Mayne. Mr. Tavender advised you Enter Footman at door. 1 Footman. If you please, sir, Mr. Fanmere and Mr. Tavender are here. I've shown them into the drawing-room. [Indicating curtains. Fanmere enters through curtains, followed by Tavender. Fan. 2 My dear Hardolph, we were shown into the next room, and we couldn't help overhearing Tav. [Who has followed Fanmere.] How d'ye do, Hardolph ? 3 Mayne. Harry, did you advise my servants to — to say nothing about this business? 105 1 The Knapmans move a little to R. C. * The footman exit R. The Knapmans get ! Comes doivn c. cautiously and fearfully. ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I 1 Tav. glares at Mrs. K. Tav. What ? 1 My dear Hardolph ! Mrs. K. Oh sir, I asked you that very morning whether Knapman and me ought to hold our tongues, and you said " Certainly " Tav. Well, of all the infernal — what next in the name of all that's— well — I Mrs. K. Oh sir, don't go back on her poor ladyship now she's in misfortune. I can testify anywhere, before any- body Mayne. [Interrupting.'] Yes — yes. [Waves the Knapmans to go off.] I'll see you both later. Mrs. K. I can testify anywhere that Knapman and me have said nothing but what was truthful — under the cir- cumstances. 2 [Exit. 3 Knap. I trust I've always done my duty to the family, and I trust I always shall. [Exit. 4 Tav. That's a pretty lying couple you've got there, Har- dolph Mayne. 5 Yes, I've got a pretty set of friends and servants altogether, haven't I ? 6 Tav. You don't believe what that woman says about my telling her to hold her tongue! 1 06 * She goes up to door R. fol- lowed by Knapman. 8 Fan. and Tav. come down c. 6 Crosses to R. SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Mayne. I believe nothing ! I believe nobody ! You all saw this thing going on, and not one of you had the courage and the kindness to give me a hint, and open my eyes ! And you call yourselves my friends ! Fan. I've been trying all the afternoon to get at the truth Mayne. Truth ! 1 Fan. [With a soothing gesture.] Now, my dear Hardolph, if you'll only be calm and listen to what I have to say 2 Mayne. Well — go on — have you got at the truth ? 3 Fan. Well, I hope so. I've questioned Jo Lacy very closely and Mayne. Well? Fan. I was watching him all the while, Harry was watch- ing him, too [Appealing to Tavender 4 to back him up; Tavender gets more and more uncom- fortable. Yes? Yes? Yes? Mayne. Fan. Now, my dear Hardolph, you know you aren't quite in a fit state to judge of this, you're too excited 107 1 Goes tip r. 2 Fa n . follows Mayne up a little. They come down R. c. again. 4 Tavender is c. ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I 1 Tav. nods ap- provingly. * Goes down r. Mayne. Tell me what you have found out! , Fan. Well, from Jo Lacy's manner, after a — after a good deal of thinking it over — Harry and I have come to the conclusion that the whole thing is a mistake; x and there's absolutely nothing in it. Mayne. What questions did you put? What does he say? Fan. He gives you his word of honor Mayne. His word of honor! 2 — what the devil do I care for his word of honor? Fan. Now, my dear Hardolph [Trying to soothe him. Mayne. Will nobody give me a plain answer? Will nobody tell me to my face what a fool I've been ? 3 Harry, how long has this been going on? How long have you known of it? Tav. My dear boy Mayne. Will you have the kindness to tell me exactly what you saw that morning ? Tav. [Lamely.'] My dear boy, I assure you Mayne. [Makes an impatient gesture.] No — no — tell me what you saw ! 1 08 * Crossing c. to favender. SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Tav. Nothing, my dear boy ! nothing at all ! Cissy and I came into the morning-room downstairs ; Jo Lacy and Vee happened to be there At breakfast ? Mayne. Tav. Yes — [Getting more and more uncomfortable — Fanmere encourages him by signs.] Yes — I be- lieve they were at breakfast — and upon my word, Hardolph, I assure you, my dear fellow Mayne. " You assure me " — what ? Tav. Well — a — [Encouraged by signs from Fanmere, makes a bold plunge.'] Judging from Jo Lacy's and Vee's manner, it struck me as a perfectly natural innocent sort of thing, you know. Mayne. What struck you as a perfectly natural innocent sort of thing? Tav. [Getting still further out of his depth.] Well — a — the whole affair. I said so to Cissy at the time. Mayne. What did you say to Cissy? Tav. [Getting more and more uncomfortable.] I said Jo and Vee seem to be — a — getting on — a — very comfortably Mayne. What?! 109 ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. I Tav. I can't give you the exact words, but I said — Jo and Vee happen to have run up against each other — out of the season — "Very natural thing," I said; and Cissy said, " Oh, quite natural " ; and I said, " You can tell from their manner there's nothing in it," and Cissy said, " Yes, if it weren't for their manner I should have thought it rather a curious coincid- ence^ " 1 Mayne glares at TavencUr •who nods and smiles in a feeble sickly way. ^Looking to Fanmere to help Aim out of it. 4 Goes up c. 6 Going up R. c. to Mayne. 6 F a n. and Mayne come down c. to- gether. Curious coincidence ! Mayne. Tav. Yes, and I said, " Oh no, oh no, it's- natural and innocent." 1 -it's perfectly Mayne. That Jo Lacy and my wife should arrive at my house late one night, and that they should be break- fasting tete-a-tete the next morning. That struck you as a perfectly natural and innocent sort of thing, eh? Tav. [Most uncomfortable] Yes — a — nothing extraordinary — eh Fanny ? 2 Fan. 3 You mustn't judge by appearances Mayne. No, nor by facts ! Nor by what everybody knows ! Nor by what I know myself! Nor by what I see with my own eyes ! 4 Fan. 5 Well, Harry and I were very much impressed by Jo Lacy's manner this afternoon, weren't we, Harry? 6 Tav. Yes- no SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Mayne. You thought he was innocent? Tav. Struck me so, I assure you. Mayne. You thought he and Lady Verona were innocent that morning? Tav. Yes. Mayne. Then why have you gone about repeating this in club smoking-rooms, to men like Pyecroft and his set — repeating it as if they were guilty? Eh? well- Tav. Mayne. Give me your word of honor, when you found them that morning you believed them to be innocent. [Pause.] Why don't you speak? Tav. Well— I- Mayne. Your sacred word of honor as a gentleman, you be- lieved them to be innocent. Tav. [Drazving back.] Well, of course that was my impression. I may have been mistaken. Mayne. Ah! [To Fanmere.] You see I 1 Fan. All the same, my dear Hardolph 2 in 1 Crosses down 1 Goes to Mayne. ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I Mayne. All the same, I mean to be fooled no longer. [Scats himself down to writing-table, 1 be- gins to write hurriedly. 2 Fan. What are you going to do ? 3 * Fan. and Tav. exchange looks. 3 Tav. comes to * Fan. beckons to Tav. Tav. comes K. C. 8 'Tav . nudges Fan. to say something. 4 Mayne says his last line short and snappy as if he intended it as a snub to Fan. and for the latter to go away. T Mo v in g up ■while speak- ing. 8 R i s e s and crosses to i- ■with it. Pres- ses electric but- ton below fire- place and then reads letter and places it on envelope and seals it. Mayne. I'm writing to Cattermoul to come and take my in- structions, and begin an action. 4 Tav. I shouldn't rush it if I were you. [Pause.] Can't anything be done? Mayne. Nothing. [Continues writing.] Good-day. 5 Fan. I'll come in again to-night or to-morrow. I hope you'll think better of it. [Mayne shakes his head.] Where is Vee? I don't know. 6 Come along, Harry- Mayne. Fan. [Pausing at door — (shrugs his shoulders) goes off quickly. Tav. Well, tata for the present, Hardolph. 7 I shouldn't rush it, you know ! Hope it will turn out all right. Anything I can do — anything in this world — only too happy — Tata ! [Exit at door after Fanmere. Mayne 8 has finished letter, and addressed it. 112 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Enter Knapman. Mayne. 1 You will take this letter to Mr. Cattermoul in Bed- ford Row, and wait for an answer. Knap. Yes, sir. [Takes letter, goes towards door, stops.'] I wish to say, sir, that all through this painful catas- trophe, Mrs. Knapman and I have acted Mayne. [Impatiently.] Yes, yes- Knap. Have acted in accordance with your happiness, sir, and the best interests of all the parties concerned. Mayne. Yes, yes ; take that letter. [Knapman goes to door. Mayne stands a moment in indecision — then calls. Mayne. Knapman ! 2 Mayne. Give me that letter. I have omitted something. [Taking letter from Knapman. 3 Knapman is going.] Knapman, is her ladyship still in her room? Knap. 4 No, sir. Her ladyship went out about an hour ago. Mrs. Knapman happened to observe that her lady- ship called a hansom off the rank. [Exit Knapman. 5 Mayne stands letter in hand tortured with indecision for a mo- ment or two. Footman enters through curtains at back. 6 "3 Bellri?igs off?* 1 At fire. 2 K ?i a p m a n comes down C ■with letter. 3 Crosses to desk 4 Goes up R. 5 A t door. 6 Comes R. C, ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. I Footman. Mr. Pyecroft is in the drawing-room, sir. Mayne. Show him in here. Footman. Will you step this way, sir? Pyecroft enters through curtains at back, Foot- man announces " Mr. Pyecroft." [Exit Footman. 1 ] Pyecroft. 2 My dear Hardolph — [shaking hands] forgive my intruding. I hope all domestic — ripples shall T call them — have subsided ? Goes to l. side of curtains. 1 Through cur- tains. 2 Coming dmvn R. C. 4 Beating the letter in his hand against the other hand. No. 4 Mayne. 3 Pye. You surely haven't taken any serious notice of my foolish babble? Mayne. Yes. I've made further inquiries ; your foolish babble as you call it has been confirmed, fully con- firmed. Pye. I'm sorry. Mayne. So I have no option but to carry the thing through to the end. Pye. Is that necessary? Mayne. You don't expect me to sit down calmly and see my honor dragged through the dirt ? Is that what you advise? 114 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Pye. I never advise in these affairs. I am a mere spec- tator of our very imperfect system of monogamy; I look on with no prejudices, no principles, and I am thankful to say, no honor. No honor ? Mayne. Pye. None whatever. I have never missed it or wanted it. And the only difference between me and my neighbors is, that while we all act towards women- kind ° in exactly the same way, and are equally plagued by them, I spare myself the trouble of hav- ing to look after my honor, in addition to having to look after the lady who is deceiving me. And I also spare my friends a deal of windy talk about that same honor, which I am lucky enough not to possess. Mayne. 1 Pyecroft, this is monstrous ! 2 But you'd see things differently if you were married ! 3 Pye. 4 Even in that last extremity I question whether my judgment would be warped. My dear Hardolph, just look calmly for a moment at this great matri- monial hurlyburly. What a mess poor crazy old Dame Nature has made of the whole business! What infinity of dodging and deceit and trickery she forces upon us to work her silly unworkable scheme! And how we all try to cover her mis- takes and our weakness with words, words, words, and shams, shams, shams ! What does the wise man do? A week ago, before you heard my silly club chatter, you were happy n5 Mayne sits R. at desk. 1 Rises. 2 Crosses to C 3 Goes L. C. 4 Going c. ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. I Mayne. I was in a fool's paradise. Thank God I'm out of it! 1 Pye. 2 1 Sits in chair belmv fire L. 2 Standing L. c. s Goes to Mayne and taps hitn on the shoul- der. 4 Rises. 6 Going to C. 6 Pointing to the letter in his hand. Why? What will you do? Find another fool's paradise? With another Eve? Will you be any more secure in that? Yes, till some kind chance opens your eyes again ! And then ? Then you'll rave again about " wounded honor," and " vindicat- ing honor " and " dragging your honor in the dust " and all that stale claptrap. My dear Har- dolph, why not, why not, put yourself outside of it for a moment and see the absurdity of the whole affair? Treat it as a comedy, and a comedy it be- comes ! Treat it as a tragedy, and by God, it is a tragedy; and you break your heart! Come, come, my dear Hardolph, shut your eyes and join the laughers ! 3 Mayne. No ! 4 Pyecroft, you don't know what this means to me, or you wouldn't talk like this. It's an insult to my manhood ! 5 Pye. Forgive me, I only wished to ease the situation for you. What have you there ? 6 Mayne. A letter to my lawyer, asking him to come here and take my instructions. Suppose- What? Pye. Mayne. Pye. 7 Suppose Lacy wished to go abroad- 1.16 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Damn him ! ° Mayne. Pye. Certainly. Damn him. And then send him out of England for some years ? No! Mayne. Pye. Shall I sound him, and try to arrange ? No! 1 Mayne. Pye. At any rate let the matter rest for a day or two. Mayne. No! Pye. Suppose after a week or two you elect to take the comedy view of the situation : [Mayne shakes his head] or suppose the cruellest thing of all — sup- pose when you've dragged your honor and her honor through the divorce court, suppose you find you love her after all Mayne makes a desperate gesture and sits down, 2 covering his face with his hands. Lady Ve- rona enters. 3 Pye. How d'ye do, Lady Vee ? Lady V. How d'ye do? 4 Moves to down 1 Pyccroft shrugs his shoulders. i By desk. 3 Through cur- tains. ' Shaking kands. She crosses over to fire- place, Mayne ■watching her, puts her feet on fender and warms them, standing ■with her back to them. Pye- croft is wait- ing to take his leave. 117 ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I 1 G oe s do w n R. C. * Looks at Lady V. * R. May n e rises. Lady Verona still s/ a tnls at fire, her back to May ne who watches her a moment or two. 4 R. c. 6 Without turn- ing round. 6 He makes an angry gesture and gets up c. 7 After a pause. * Places the letter on small table u/> l.. c. 9 J'ltrus. ln Lady V. comes L. c. Pye. 1 Good-bye, my dear Hardolph. Mayne. [To him, in a low voice.] No — come back in a little while when I've spoken to her. Pye. Au revoir, 2 I shouldn't send that. [Pointing to letter in Mayne's hand. Exit Pyecroft. 3 Mayne. 4 Have you nothing to say to me ? Lady V. 5 Good morning. 6 Mayne. 7 I mean to get at the truth of this affair. Lady V. Can I help you in any way ? Mayne. Please don't trifle with me. This is a letter to Cat- termoul. — In less than an hour this matter will be out of my hands. 8 Lady V. 9 Hadn't you better wait and see Jo Lacy? Mayne. See him? 10 Lady V. He's now on his way here. [Taking a book, seating herself quietly 11 her back to him and reading it during following scene. u8 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Mayne. On his way here ? Lady V. [Looking up from her book.] I've just left him. [Returning to her book.] Would you like to know what passed between us? [Slight pause.] Mayne. [Sternly.] If you please. Lady V. [Smiling.] Well, my dear Hardolph, you must own my posi- tion is a very serious one. Serious? Mayne. Lady V. Well, isn't it? I've told you the truth, you don't believe me. I would tell you the other thing if I could think of one that would satisfy you. But I can't. So I thought I'd just call and see what I might expect from Jo Lacy — in case In case of what ? Mayne. Lady V. Well, it's only common prudence for me to — well- a — make some arrangements for my future Your future? Mayne. Lady V. When you turn me out of doors. So my dear Har- dolph, don't be a dog in the manger about me; and 119 ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I don't say I didn't give you the first chance of re- taining - my poor services. [Reads her book. Mayne walks madly about the room. 1 1 Comes down * R i sr s and stands. Mayne. [Looks at her.] I suppose Lacy told you he was dying to take you off my hands. [Lady Verona looks up from her book, smiles at him, and goes on with her reading.] Did he? Lady V. [Looking up again.] I'll tell you a secret. I only said that to make you wild. Mayne. Then it isn't the truth ? Lady V. I won't say that — as a matter of fact I believe he is — well — if not dying — at least quite willing to take me off your hands. But when I told you so, I wasn't sure of it. I only said it To make me wild ! 2 Mayne. Lady V. Yes, and I succeeded, didn't I? [Laughing at him.] You remember the morning you left for Scotland ! It made you so wild that you actually banged the handle off my bedroom door. By the way, it has never been mended. Mayne. [Beside himself.] I daresay not ! [Seeing her startled look of indignation. Mayne. [Ashamed.] I beg your pardon. 1 20 SD. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III 1 G oe s ufi r. Tlien comes c. Lady V. Yes, I think you should. [Goes back to her book. He walks about looking furtively at her} Mayne. [At length.'] Vee, I've no wish to carry this to extremes. Lady V. Then, my dear Hardolph, don't go one inch further. Mayne. If it can be avoided. [She laughs a little laugh over her book.] You must see I can't let this rest where it is. 2 If you are innocent 2 Lady V. puts her book down Lady V. If? If?!!! [Laughs, rises, comes up to him.] Do I look very guilty ? Mayne. Looks at her very keenly.] I don't know. Mrs. Knapman says you told her to hide from me that you were in town that night. Is that true? Lady V. I asked her not to mention that I was in town. Mayne. Why? Lady V. I've told you that I came on a little private business of Joyce's. Joyce will be here directly, and then you can ask her all about it. If she tells you Mayne. If she tells me Lady V. You'll know all about it. 3 8 G , oes a ste * to 121 ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I Mayne. All about what? Joyce left before "he" came, didn't she? Lady V. I suppose so. I was sound asleep when " he " came. Mayne. But what had Joyce to do with Lacy's coming here — his staying here the night? [No answer.] You don't deny that you and Lacy both arrived that night ? Lady V. No. Mayne. You don't deny that you came to me in Scotland and never said a word about it to me ? 1 Crosses to R. Lady V. No, No ! Oh I deny nothing ! * Mayne. You don't deny you gave instructions to my servants to lie to me — you stooped to that Lady V. Ah, what is that, please ? What have I stooped to ? Mayne. You have thrown dust in my eyes ! You are all of you in a league against me ! You and your friends and your servants ! My friends ! My servants ! They come to me with lies so palpable, so thick, they can't swallow them. I see, I feel, I know, I've been deceived. I, good heavens, my servants pity me! I see it in their faces. [Going to her and losing all self-control.] I say you have deceived me with this man! If you haven't, satisfy me! Satisfy me, I say, or 122 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Lady V. Or what ? Mayne. [Getting desperate.] Throw yourself on my mercy ! Confess ! [Seising her hands violently x she looks at him contemptu- ously. .] Tell me the truth, I say Lady V. You're hurting me! Mayne. Confess ! I will know the truth. He forces her into chair by desk. Lady V. [Very calm.]' You're hurting me ! I bruise very easily. Mayne. I must know ! I will know ! Lady V. IWill you please release me? [He releases her. 2 She is going out of the room. z He quickly intercepts her. Mayne. [Imploringly.] No, Vee, don't leave me. Don't go! Vee, tell me the worst ! I'll try to forgive you ! I will forgive you. 4 [Takes the letter from table and tears it up.] There ! I'll face the worst with you ! Vee, I love you ! I can't help loving you. We'll go out of the country and live this down, forgive you ! Vee, do you hear, I'll Lady V. [Very calmly and proudly.] Thank you. That is quite unnecessary ! Is sweeping by him to curtains, when Footman en- ters 5 and announces "Sir Joseph Lacy." Enter Sir Joseph. Exit Footman. 123 1 He goes up c. * By moving up R. injront 0/ her. * She crosses to down L. B At door. ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I 1 Moves d oiv n right. * Facing l. Sir J. 1 How d'ye do, my dear Mayne? [Mayne turns angrily from Sir Joseph. 2 Sir Joseph looks inquiringly at Lady Verona, zvho shrugs her shoulders and makes a little grimace of despair behind Mayne's back. Sir J. Now, my dear Mayne, let us have a cosy three- cornered chat, and put this awkward little matter right. Mayne. I am surprised at your — your Sir J. My impudence! My infernal impudence? Not at all. Believe me I've come in a spirit of the purest friendship. Mayne. Friendship ! Sir J. Why not ? The last time you and I met we parted the best of friends — and we shall to-day. You think so? I'm sure we shall. Mayne. Sir J. Mayne. You forget what has happened. Sir J. Nothing. Nothing? Mayne. 124 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Nothing. Nothing? Sir J. Mayne. Sir J. Nothing. Lady Verona and I are both here, and we are only to anxious Mayne. Anxious ! 1 Sir J. Only too anxious to satisfy you. 2 Vee? Aren't we, Lady Lady V. 3 My dear Jo, I am only too anxious to have nothing further to say or do in the matter. 4 Sir J. [Uneasily.] No — no — [looking from one to the other] still, we'd better give him the exact particulars, eh ? Lady V. I have given him the exact particulars — twenty times at least. Sir J. Well then we must give him the exact particulars just once more, eh? [Coming cordially up to Mayne.] Give him just one more chance of making himself quite comfortable about it, eh, Har- dolph? Mayne. [Fiercely.] I am in no mood to be trifled with. Sir J. [Hastily.] No — no — I see you're not. 5 Come now, Lady Vee, let us simply tell him the plain facts. 125 1 Goes up 2 Crosses to L. C. * Doivn L. 4 Mayne comes dmvn R. c. 8 Goes to Lady V. ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I Lady V. It's perfectly useless. He won't listen Sir J. Oh, I'm sure he will, 1 he'll listen to reason, won't you, Mayne? 1 Going- back to Mayne. * Cross e s t < I^ady V. Crosses to c. and appeals to Sir J., -who is R. C. No — a- Ah Mayne. Lady V. Mayne. I shall not listen to any cut-and-dried story that may be concocted for the purpose Lady V. Concocted! [To Sir J.] There! You see! Mayne. Concocted for the purpose of Sir J. No! No! My dear Hardolph — you shan't listen to any cut-and-dried story, and we won't concoct anything, will we, Lady Vee? Lady V. [Wearily.'] Yes! No! Yes! No! Oh, I don't know. I'm ready to concoct anything. Mayne. [To Sir J.] You see ! 2 But you always were the most impos- sible Lady V. I? Impossible! I? 3 You see! Impossible! [To Mayne.] Do you remember the morning you left for Scotland 126 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Mayne. When you told me that Lacy was dying to take you Lady V. Do you remember the Post Office at Henley? Mayne. The Post Office at Henley has nothing to do with this! Sir J. That's just what I was thinking Lady V. [To Mayne.] After your conduct in the Post Office I ought to have left you at once. Mayne. That would have spared me this scandal. Lady V. Spare yourself, my dear Hardolph, if you wish to be spared. 1 And if you won't spare yourself, at least have the kindness to spare me. [She is sweep- ing off. 2 Sir J. goes up and stops her.] Sir J. [Intercepting her at the door, he takes her arm. ] No, no, my dear Lady Vee, we can't leave it like this [very coaxingly.] Come now, let's give him one last chance. 3 I'm sure he's only waiting to make it up, eh ? Mayne. 4 [Indignantly.] Lacy, I think it most unbecoming of you — under the circumstances 127 1 Goes up c. 2 Door r. s Bringing her down. 4 Crosses to l. c. ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I * Starting away from Lady V. * Goes up c. then to fireplace L. * Comes to c. Sir J. 1 Quite so, my dear fellow — I'd quite forgotten it for the moment ! I beg - your pardon. Now, my dear Mayne, my dear Lady Vee, just one more try to put it all straight. [Mayne shows impatience.] You won't refuse to listen to me. Mayne. [Sternly.] Go on ! [Lady V. shrugs her shoulders. 2 Sir J. 3 Well — I had come up from Devonshire that morn- ing — My man, Staddon happened to be laid up with chicken-pox Mayne. Chicken-pox ! Sir J. Yes, chicken-pox. Well, when I arrived at Pad- , dington, I found that I had lost my luggage — [Mayne makes an impatient exclamation.] Upon my soul, I had ! Well, — I'd lost my luggage — my club happened to be closed for cleaning — and as I strolled along the street outside — [Mayne shows impatience.] Knapman happened to be leaning out of the window Mayne. I daresay ! Sir J. " Hallo, Knapman ! " I said, — Well, he asked me to come in, and Mayne. Yes, and Lady Verona happened to have come up the same evening, eh ? Sir J. Yes, yes ! I know it sounds rather silly, but upon my word — it's the truth, Mayne. 128 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Mayne. Yes, I've already heard the same story Sir J. We can scarcely call it a story. Let's call it an amusing little episode with a happy ending Mayne. A happy ending? Sir J. Yes, my dear Mayne, either for you or for me. You must decide which. You mean then- Mayne. [Looks from one to the other. Sir J. Come, you surely won't break up your home and ruin your life and happiness and hers, because Lady Verona happened to give me a very simple breakfast consisting of two cups of coffee — or three, Lady Verona ? Lady V. Three. Sir J. Three cups of coffee and half a very moderate sized sole. You'll take my word of honor that my pres- ence here was a pure accident, that I entered this house that night your loyal friend, that I left it your loyal friend? [Extends his hand to Mayne who refuses to take it, but regards them suspiciously. Mayne. You two have been talking this over together this afternoon? 129 ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I 1 Coming L. c. ' Sir J. moves down R. 3 Returns to fire- place. Sir J. Certainly. Why not? Mayne. And you came to the conclusion that the best plan would be for you to come here and give me your word of honor and so put things straight. Certainly. Sir J. Lady V. 1 If I were guilty should I have brought him to this house? Would he have come to you in this frank way ? Mayne. No — I don't know — yes — of course it's the very thing you would have done — just to throw dust in my eyes — as you all are doing — Fancourt, Taven- der — my servants 2 Lady V. [Shrugs her shoulders.] You see ? 3 Mayne. [Tortured, funis to Sir Joseph.] Tell me this, Lacy — how many times have you given your word of honor in affairs of this kind ? Sir J. [Startled.] What ? Oh, my dear fellow ! Mayne. Answer me, please. Sir J. [After a longish pause.] I really don't remember. What's that to do with this? Mayne. Tell me this then: suppose — suppose what I think 130 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III were true — would you or would you not be ready to give your word of honor to save a woman's reputation? [Pause.] Yes or No! Sir J. Certainly — I should. Mayne. You would try to save her — even if she were guilty ? Sir J. Certainly I should play the game as we English- men understand it. Mayne. Ah! And you expect me to believe you after that? 1 Sir J. My dear Mayne, you can believe me or not, as you please. In any case we won't quarrel about it. 2 Mayne. We won't quarrel about it ? Sir J. Why should we? Either you accept my word— in that case we shall part good friends ; or you don't accept my word— in that case we shall part very much better friends still. Mayne. Ah, you own it! You own you are only waiting your chance to take her off my hands ! Is that so ? [Looking from one to the other. Sir J. You may be sure that whatever responsibility I have incurred as to Lady Verona's future, I shall be ready to take it up at the right moment. Do you m 1 Turns away to 1 May7ie turns to him. ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. i wish me to understand that the right moment has come? Mayne. [Goes to Lady Verona appealingly.] Have you nothing to say? Won't you give me a chance to hush it up ? Lady V. My dear Hardolph, certainly, hush it up by all means ! Sir J. For the last time, Mayne, I give you my word of honor 1 Mayne. 1 Going' to Mayne. 1 Mayne goes up 3 Coming dmun c. Sir J. goes up R. to door. Sir J. conies to table by chair L. C. Your word of honor ! Give me some proof. Some proof, I say. 2 Sir J. [Shrugs Jiis shoulders, to Lady Verona.] Lady Verona, I trust I have acted throughout as you would wish Lady V. Thank you, yes, Sir Joseph. Sir J. Is there anything more I can do ? Lady V. Nothing, thank you [looking at Mayne], matters are very well as they are. Ah ! 3 Mayne. Sir J. I shall remain in town. If anything arises to prove to Mayne that he is mistaken 4 Lady V. [With great bitterness.] Is- it worth while to prove to him that he is mis- taken ? 132 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Sir J. Rely that I shall make the best fight I can for your reputation. And if I fail, I hope the situation will not be utterly unbearable for you. 1 Lacy ?3 Mayne. 2 Mayne. If I look over this — Pyecroft said you would be willing to leave England Sir J. Certainly. If that will meet the case — and if Lady Verona wishes it. [Looking inquiringly to Lady Verona. Mayne. [Savagely.] If she wishes it ! Are you determined to ruin her ? Sir J. No, I want to save her. 4 I put myself entirely in your hands. I pledge myself to leave England and stay away as long as you please. Will that satisfy you? Mayne. Very well, I'll condone it ! Lady V. [Indignantly.] Condone?! Condone?! 5 Sir J. [Hushing her down.] 6 Lady Verona, let it stand at that for the time. I'll leave England to-morrow for — oh, say for life. 7 I shall soon be forgotten — this affair will soon be forgotten, and by-and-by he will understand. — Good-bye ! Lady V. Sir Joseph, no ! An hour ago I begged you to clear 133 1 Goes up to doer R. opens it, and is going out when Mayne stops him. - Goes up to door. 3 Sir Joseph clo- ses door. 4 Walks down a step or two in deliberation and turns. 5 Drops down L. 6 Sir J. goes down L. c. to her. 7 Mayne comes down r. c. ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I me from this scandal. Thank you for all you have done. Please don't try to clear me any more. I don't wish to be cleared ! Mayne. What are you going to do ? Lady V. I'm going to leave this house with Sir Joseph, i£ he'll take me. Sir J. [Overjoyed.] Do you wish that ? Do you really wish that ? Lady V. Yes. I will be perfectly faithful to you as I have been perfectly faithful to him. 1 [To Mayne, who makes a gesture.] Yes, perfectly faithful! You can believe that now or no as you please. For the future it will make no difference to me what you believe ! You will have no right to question me ! Mayne. [Staggered.] I don't know what to believe ! I don't know 1 Sir J. moves Vee! what to do ! Lady V. • Turns to chair Do? Surely only one thing remains for you to do — go to Cattermoul. Isn't that your hat? [Point- ing to hat which has been on table all through — Mayne snatches tip hat.] Yes, go to Cattermoul! And please don't condone anything! I won't be condoned ! I don't want to be condoned ! I want to be punished as I deserve, for being a faithful wife to you ! [He comes appealingly to her. Oh! Lady V. [Repulsing him indignantly.'] 134 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Mayne. Very well, if you will have it so. But remember I loved you so much I was willing to forget and for- give everything for your sake. 1 Remember how I loved you ! Think of that — when it's too late ! [Exit. 2 Sir J. [Watches Mayne off, then goes up very tenderly to Lady Verona and tries to caress her.] At last then — since it must be so ! Lady V. [Repulsing him.] No — not now — let me think. Sir J. Tell me you know I did my best for you. Lady V. Yes, yes, indeed! And it was to be — I couldn't help myself, could I ? 3 Sir J. Vee. You don't repent 4 Lady V. No, I don't repent — but Jo, everybody will think I really was guilty. Sir J. You don't mind now what people think or say, do you? Lady V. No — no — only I want everybody to know that there really was nothing between us — that he drove me to this by his suspicions. You'll take care every- body knows that? 135 1 Goes up to door He opens door and is about to go out -when Sir J. makes a movement to- wards Lady V. Mayne sees the movement andstops. Sir J. stops. He gives each a searching look and then exits slowly shut- ting door. 8 Crosses Mm to 4 Gets C. ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED SC. I 1 Props into chair C. Sir J. Yes — so far as I can Lady V. 1 thoroughly breaks down, sob- bing. Sir J. What is it, dearest ? Lady V. [Sobbing.] I can't help it! You told me to be brave and to chaff him — so feel * He half turns to R. then faces her reproach- July. » His, * Sir J. goes u/> c. and then moves L. c. 6 At door. R Sir J. moves away fro m Lady V. to R. I did — just for the time — now I [Sobbing. Sir J. Come, dearest, there's no need to stay here. The sooner you take the plunge the better 2 Lady V. [Suddenly.] Then I haven't taken it ? Oh, don't look at me so reproachfully. You have been good. And I will try — I will try — only What's the matter? you're mine now Sir J. Come, trust yourself to me — Lady V, No — no. 3 Jo, listen to this. I am at your mercy — if you force me to go with you, I dare say I shall, but I'm sure in three clays I shall begin to hate you [He makes a gesture of despair.] And after all there is a good deal of excuse for his believing the worst — he was ready to forgive me — Jo, don't look so reproachfully, 4 I know I'm weak and foolish ! All my courage has gone — Jo, I can't face it, now it comes to the point. [She continues sobbing a little hysterically. Lady Joyce enters 5 goes to Lady Verona and they embrace affectionately, sobbing together.'' 136 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Joyce Lady V. Lady J. [Petting Lady Verona.] Vee! [Petting Lady Verona.] There, darling! There! Tell me all about it! Sir Joseph, what are you doing here ? what has happened ? Sir J. Mayne refuses to believe that my presence here that night was an accident. What can we do? your sister has decided to leave Hardolph and place her future in my hands. Lady J. No, no, Vee, that isn't so — tell me it isn't? Lady V. I'm sure I don't know — I don't know what has happened to me, or what is going to happen — only you may be sure of this dear, whatever people say, I really am innocent. Lady J. [Soothing her.] Yes — yes — dear — and Hardolph must be made to see it. Where is he? [Mayne comes through curtains.] Vee, forgive me ! Mayne. 1 Lady V. 2 Then you didn't go? Mayne. No, I was so mad with doubt and jealousy that — I couldn't help it — I went into the next room on pur- pose to listen to what you and Lacy would say when you were alone. I heard every word. — Pyecroft was shown in. I made him keep quiet, he heard it 157 1 Coming' (fawn 1 Crossesjoyce to him. ACT III JOSEPH ENTANGLED sc. I too. Vee, I don't know what to say ! I was utterly mistaken. I'll make any reparation, any apology. You'll forgive me? I beg ten thousand pardons. Vee [he appeals to Lady V., who turns azvay from him. Lady J. tries to persuade her to forgive 1 Mayne crosses R. c.| goes to Sir Joseph. 1 Crosses to Sir J. R. C. 3 Mayne goes up c. to curtains. 1 May ne and Precroft come dowu c. a little. 'Crosses to Lady V. 7 Crosses L. c. to Lady /. Mayne. 1 Mayne. [To Sir J.] I own up and — what more can I say? [Offers his hand. Sir J. takes it, and they shake hands silently back to Lady V.] Mayne then goes Vee, I'm deeply sorry — Vee ! Can you forget this ? Can you forgive me ? [Offers her his hand. Lady V. Yes — I suppose I must. [Takes his hand and then with a plaintive little smile.] But don't do it again. 2 But what about Jo? 3 Sir J. 4 Oh ! never mind me. I'm getting away from Lon- don for a little while and — [shows he is feeling it deeply.] Never mind me! Mayne. [Calling through curtains.] Pyecroft, will you step here a moment ? Enter Pyecroft through curtains.^ Mayne. Pyecroft, will you step here a moment ? you know the story is only Pye. A mere figment, my dear Hardolph, like all these stories, a mere figment. 6 Lady Vee, I shall let all our friends know. [Shakes hands with her? 138 SC. I JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT III Mayne. 1 You were right, Jo, you said it was only an amusing little episode with a happy ending. 2 ,Yes- Sir J. 3 • [[Joins Mayne's and Lady V.'s hands.] An amusing little episode with a happy ending ! Quick Curtain. 1 Up c. to Sir J. •who is up R. 2 Lady V. comes R. C. s Coming down '39 JOSEPH ENTANGLED PROPERTY PLOT ACT, I. Oval table. Oblong table. "Writing table. 4 arm-chairs (small). 2 single chairs. Small table. Large china cabinet (full of china). Small cabinet. Medium sized cabinet. Table (Hall). Chair " Ornaments about room. Pair of trousers. Pair of slippers. Bonnet and shawl. (On table). Plates, bread, glasses, Ham bone on dish. (In cabinet). Whiskey in bottle, water jug, glass on tray. Ready off. Large silver tray. Silver coffee-pot. Hot milk jug. Sugar basin and tcngs. Fish knives and forks. Small knives and forks. 2 serviettes. Table cloth. Real sole cooked on silver dish. Toast in rack. Marmalade pot and spoon. Butter dish and butter. Butter knife. Writing materials on desk. George Morland coloured engraving on scene. LIGHTS. House full up. 4 electric sconces on scene (alight). Lengths off at entrances. Lights to work up and down at cues. I Amber Lime on O. P. shelf. 1 Blue ' 2 Ambers on P. S. shelf. 2 Blue limes through window. 143 JOSEPH ENTANGLED ACT II. Large oak cabinet. Writing-desk. Small chair. Small couch. Club Ignott. Long oak chest. Small table. Medium-sized square table. Lamp stand with Figure (Bronze) on it. Revolving book-case. Low Japanese table. 2 stuffed arm-chairs. Small arm chair. Tapers, etc., on desk. Cigars, cigarettes, ash tray, matches on table R. Salver and letters and papers for Staddon. Stag's-head and armour trophy on scene. ACT III. Writing-desk ] 3 small tables 3 arm-chairs I Louis XVI. I single chair I Low seat J Dutch cabinet. China " full of china. Coal-scuttle. Ornaments on mantel-shelf duplicated at back for dummy looking-glass. Bear-rug front of fire. Writing materials. Furniture in room at back. 141 V-WIWRCOCJ 014 491 486 7