IL ^"^^^^^^^"^^ .Z9 ni66 f II Copy 1 1 ■ PAINE'S MONOLOGUES The Country Cousin Speaks Her Mind Mac KENZIE PAINE PUBLISHING CO. DAYTON, OHIO NO PLAYS EXCHANGED School Classic Series JUST THE BOOKS you want for Supplementary Reading and Study — Fables and Myths, Nature Stories, and Stories of Geography, History and the Industries, as well as selections from leading authors and poets. Each book contains about thirty-two pages of Choice Literature carefully graded. THE LIST CLASSIFIED AND GRADED FIRST GRADZ: History on* Biography- Fables and Myths 36 Story of Columbus 1 Old Fables-Aesop . Jlt^^^^^^Zi. 25 Story oflndependence—l (Beginning of the Revolution) 26 Story of Independence — U (War in Middle Colonies) 27 Story of Independence— III 2 Stories from Andenen — I 3 Nursery Tales Nature— 4 Animal Stories History Stories— 5 Boyhood Stories — I (Columbus, Washington) Geoeraphy— 6 Children of Many Lands — 1 (A Queer Little Eskimo) SECOND GKADE Fables and Myths— 7 Stories from Andersen— II 6 Grimm's Fairy Tales 10 Adventures of a Brownie 1 2 Jack and the Beanstalk I > Robinson Crusoe 29 Little Red Riding Hood 33 Story of Hiawatfia Nature 9 Bird Stories— I (The Robin and Bluebird) 1 ChiidrehofManyLand'-^II (Ten Little Indians) History and Biography 14 Stopy of the Pilgrims 15 Boyhood Stories — II (Franklin.Webster. Garfield)] THIRD GKAD£ Stories and Myths 16 Indian Myths 17 Greek Myths 18 Stories from Ander«en--III Nature— 19 Bird Stories— U (The Sparrow Family) 20 From Seed to Fruif (Studies of Plant Lifej Geography— ,, 21 Children of Many Lands— III (KeBJko, the Japanese Boy) (War in Southern Colonies) 28 The Boston Tea Party FOURTH GRADE Legends— 22 Norse Gods and Heroes 31 Legends of the Rhine Nature— 32 Bird Stories-III (The Woodpecker Family) Geography- 34 Stories of Coal and Iron 35 Story of Cotton 37 Animals of the Hot Belt 38 Animals of the Cold Belt 44 Children of Many Lands— IV (Karl and Katherine in Holland) History and Biography— 39 Story of Washington 40 Story of Lincoln 41 Great Inventors— I (Watt, Stephensoin, Fulton) 43 St«ry of Daniel Boone FIFTH GRADE Geography— 45 Children of Many Lands- V (Fu Chen, a Little Chinese GirO 49 Story of Silk History and Biography— V 50 Great Inventors— II (Morse, Field, Edison) Price 6c Each, 72c per Dozen. Order by Number ADB 1 CENT EACH FOR POSTAGE ON ORDERS FOR LESS THAN FIVE COPIES Our new Catalog describes the latest and best Busy Work and Primaiy Material, Methodi, Outlines, Games, Exitertainment Books, Blackboard Stencils, etc. Ask (or it!. PAINE PUBLISHING CO., Dayton, Ohio Literature— 46 The Golden Touch (Hawthorne) 53 The Kins of the C*M« River (Ruskin) SIXTH GRADE History and Biography— 42 Great Naval Commandtr* (Jones, Perry, Farragut) 51 Great Statesmen (Clay, Webster. Calhoun) 47 Story of Canada Literature— 48 The Snow Image (Hawthorne) 64 Rip Van Winkle (Irvint) 65 Legend of Sleepy H«llow (Irving) . . ^ , , 79 Rab and His Fnendi 59 Thanatopsis (BryanO 66 Pied Piper of Hameliii (Browning) SEVKNTH GRADE Literature— 30 The Man Withoul a CoUB' try (Hale) 69 Courtship of Miles Sttndiih (Longfellow) 70 Evangehne (Longfellow) 7 1 The Great Stone Face (Flawthorne) 72 Snowbound (WhilUer) EIGHTH CRADC Literature— 73 The Deserted Village (Goldsmith) 74 Storiei of King Arthur 75 Enoch Arden (Tennysoa) 76 Vision of Sir LaunfiJ (Lowell) , ^ , 77 The Cotter s Saturday Night (Burns) 78 Speeches of LSncoIa The Country Coi|sin Speaks Her Mind A Monologue BY EDNA I. MACKENZIE Author of- "Susan Gets Ready for Church " ^•As Our Washwoman Sees K," " That Atcjal LcffC?.'^ "A Double Tragedy, Almost." Copyright 1920, by PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANf DAYTON. OHIO \9 hv\A* Q-CLD 54605 ^^ 20 1920 ^'fc-1 fl f THE COUNTRY COUSIN SPEAKS HER MIND Character — A Country Girl Visiting Her Cousin in the City. Time — Ten Minutes. Now, Cousin Maria, you don't need to ask me to go to any more of those afternoon crushes you city people seem so crazy about, for I couldn't survive another one and that's all there is about it. (Sighs deeply,) So you thought it would be a treat for me, did you ? Well, let me tell you that I don't think a cup of luke warm coffee and half an inch of sandwich or a crumb of cake and a dab of ice-cream are much in the line of a treat. They spile your appetite for a decent meal, that's what they do. (In surprise.) You don't go for what you eat? Then V& like to know what you do — (Sarcastically.) Oh, I'm so glad you told me it was to calH on the woman who supplies the vittles and be sociable or I would never have guessed it. Why, all she did was to meet. us at the door and hold her hand away up like this, (demon- strates) and offer two fingers, the ones with the most rings-^ on, I noticed, and say in a prunes prism sort of voice, "So glad you came, don't you know". THE COUNTRY COUSIN SPEAKS HER MIND Then we was pushed on into a room that was so full of people that there wasn't half enough seats to go around and the rest of the folks was lined up against the wall like the homely girls at a dance where there's five girls or so to every boy. And as for being sociable, well, by the dumb way most of them was holdin' the walls up, I was thinkin' that every last one of them had gotten beside some person they didn't know from Adam. Land of goshen ! You'd think they could find something to talk about, even if it ain't anything more interestin' than the weather. I tried to talk to the poor, half -dressed critter beside me — you remember the one that had got her dress out of about a yard and a half of silk and a little bit of lace ? (Pause.) You don't? Well, she was the one with her waist cut that low it came down to here, (sho':Jifs) and her skirt was that high it came up to here until there wasn't more'n about six inches from where one began and the other left off. Lands, I felt right sorry for the poor thing, for poor she must have been when she couldn't afford any more goods than that. (Pause.) Yes, I thought you'd recognize the description. (Pause.) You say she's real well-off! Then for the land of Peter, why doesn't she buy a decent dress? Why, a 4 THE COUNTRY COUSIN SPEAKS HER MIND nightie would have been more modest ; anyway it would have covered up more. {Pause.) You say it's the style ! Then the Lord preserve us from styles like that. They'll be the ruin of the risin' generation, that's what I say. (Patise.) What did I talk to her about? Why, I men- tioned that the weather was getting colder and she said she hadn't noticed and then I said it would soon be time to put on our winter flannels again, and to be sociable I asked her when her family generally changed into their's — ^you know, lots of people have a certain day of the year for changin' and they keep to it as though it were a religious rite or something, even though the thermometer should stand at eighty, and I didn't know but what she might be that kind. (Pause.) I should have had more sense? (Indignantly.) Well, I like that ! What else could I talk to her about ? ' It ain't likely she'd be interested in the pigs and cows and sich like, is it ? Laws, there couldn't be an3^hing more sensible to talk about then that. (Pause.) What did she say? Oh, she acted awferlly rude, turned her nose away up and goodness knows it was a turn-up to begin with — and she said, said she, "How dis- gustin,*' in a sort of high and mighty tone. Then she turned her back on me, mostly bare back it was and I thought to myself she was a queer one to talk about disgustin', for she was. Well, after that slam I didn't dare to talk to anyone else 5 THE COUNTRY COUSIN SPEAKS HER MIND SO I stood there, dumb like the rest and smiled the sickly sort of smile they was all smilin' ; something like this, (//- lustrates,) and pretended to look happy just as they was doin' The poor simps ! I wouldn't go through such a perfor- mance again for the best settin' of eggs you could give me. (Pause.) It's because I'm not used to it? Thanks be, I ain't and I never will be until I grow another hand to be able to help myself to what's bein' passed when the two I have got are full already. And never in all my life could I learn how to make half an inch of sandwich last as though it were a slice. : Besides, the Lord never intended that we should keep our gloves on when we're eatin' as though we was ashamed ot' our hands. You can go to your afternoon circuses if you like, but it's me for the country way of taking our work and spendin' the whole afternoon with our friends, gossipin' about the minister or the neighbors and gettin' a good square meal at the end of it. (Pause.) Would I like to go bargain-hunting again tomorrer? (hi a tragic tone.) Sure and is it a corpse you*re thinkin' of sendin* home to my mother ? Honest to goodness, I've never gotten over the raid you engineered yesterday. To begin with, you made me run 6 THE COUNTRY COUSIN SPEAKS HER MIND three blocks to catch a car and then we had to wait in the pouring rain for five and a half minutes before one did come and you held the umbreller so that the water dripped onto my hat and the colors in the ribbon all ran together and the colors in the flowers all ran everyway. The thing's clean spiled ; I can never wear it again except when I go out to feed the pigs and a sunbonnet is far handier even at that. And to think I paid two dollars and twenty-nine cents for it just before I came to the city. (Pause.) You're sorry? So am I, but it ain't no use cryin' over spiled hats. Then when the car did come, it was that jammed full that there weren't more'n half an inch for my one hundred and ninety-eight and a quarter pounds to get into and I had to distribute myself so that I could squeeze in somehow. (Pause.) You didn't find any difficulty? Humph. I don't suppose you would. A sliver off a toothpick like you can fit in anywhere. But I wouldn't have minded so much only I was pinned that close between two strange men, forriners I'd think they was, from the smell of them — ^them kind havin' a reputation for not enjoying water much. And from the whisky breath I had to swaller. I'd imagine they didn't know what it was like to have water inside them 7 THE COUNTRY COUSIN SPEAKS HER MIND neither. (Makes a face,) Ugh, IVe felt sick ever since. And (Rubbing her arm,) my arm aches yet with hangin' on to that strap, and it's used to milkin five cows every night, too. (Pause.) Fd soon get over that feeling if I were in the city long? (With sarcasm) Oh, yes, I suppose so for it's a saying that anyone can get used to hangin' if they hang long enough and I know I did my share of it yesterday. But that was just a preliminary of what was to follow, as the minister says, for no sooner had I waded to the bargain counter, than I was grabbed by one of them bargain fiends, pinched by another and had my eye nearly knocked out by a third while they all combined to cram me right through the counter. I bet there's a dent in it yet. I know there is in my knee. (Rubs it.) I was never so jostled in my life before except the oncet and that was when I was a kid and the, (Hesitates.) the red cow in our field got mad at a parasol I was carrying and assisted me over the fence with the aid of his horns. But between havin' your limbs torn to pieces by bargain- liunters and being tossed by the — the red cow, give me the cow every time! (Pause.) But I got some good bargains! Oh, yes, I'll own up to thatT-half a dozen handkerchiefs reduced from fifteen cents to twelve and a half. Here's one of them. (Pulls one aut) See that little hole? The rest are all like it. Oh, yes, I ain't sayin' I didn't get a bargain, since I saved fifteen cents on the whole lot, but my waist is in shreds. 8 THE COUNTRY COUSIN SPEAKS HER MIND I'll never be able to wear it again, not even for scrubbing, and I just got it bran new to come to visit you. Paid four dollars and twenty-three cents for it. It zvas four twenty- five, but they took two cents off for cash. The next time I go bargain-hunting it will be at the little country store at home where I can hunt in peace instead of in pieces. (Pause.) How'd I like to go to a movie tomorrer afternoon? (Puts her hands up in disgust.) No, thank you! I was there once and the place smelled exactly like the bunch of eggs our old hen left after she'd been settin' on them for a week and ten days. Why you city folks are so crazy to leave the good, fresh air the Lord has given you and stick yourselves into a dark, crowded buildin' that's as hot as — as where the Kaiser is goin' to be roasted some day, just to see a lot of silly love- makin' and sich like is more'n I can see. (Pause.) You thought I liked movies? So I do, good ones, in their time and place, but their time ain't a beautiful day when folks should be hikin' to the parks or country or some place where the air ain't so — so like them eggs I told you about. No, I ain't got nothing agin the movies, that is the right kind, but I have got something agin them that go in the day- time when — THE COUNTRY COUSIN SPEAKS HER MIND No. I ain't castin' any slurs at you, at all, Cousin Maria. I suppose you can't help it, for its been your way so long that you can't change, though goodness knows it ain't the way you was brought up. (Pause.) What do I want to do ? Well I tell you, it's the trail home for me that I'll be takin' tomorrer. I'm achin' like I was having a bargain-huntin' raid in my heart to get back to the dear old farm and the cows and the pigs and all, and besides I had a letter from Bill Perkins to-day — he's my — my beau you know and he says he's bin that lonesome without me that if I don't come home real soon, he'll come and get me. Bill's been courtin' me now for nigh onto thirteen years and has never popped yet so if my visitin' here will bring him to the pint, then Cousin Maria, I'll thank you as long as I live for invitin' me to visit you and never will begrudge the hat nor the waist that I spiled the day we had the bar- gain hunt and I'll give you the rest of them handkerchiefs to keep in memory of me. But honest, Cousin Maria, do you think there's any chance of him proposin' ? CURTAIN. 10 rAMous rivE cent dialogues DOCTOR AND PATIENT. By John M. Drake. 2 mal€ Characters. Very funny. DOLL DIALOGUE. This is a very instructive dialogue for 4 little girls. GOING TO MEET AUNT HATTIE. A dialogue by Mrs. Hunt. For 1 male and 3 fernale characters. LOST DOG, THE. An excellent comic dialogue with following cast: Mr. Taylor, owner of the dog; Mrs. Taylor; Billy, their son; Chinaman, Dutchman, Irishman, and Mr. Smith. NO PEDDLERS WANTED. For 4 boys. A funny dialogue that satisfies. OUR TRAMPS. A humorous dialogue for two boys and three girls. Two of the larger pupils should be dressed to represent grandfather and granimother. A small boy and two small girls for tramps, to be dressed in old clothes beilonging to grown-up people. PEARL'S CHRISTMAS. Original, pleasing and interesting Christmas dialogue with an excellent moral, for 3 boys and 4 girls. PETERTOWN PROPOSAL, THE. A dialogue for two small chil- dren, a boy and a girl. PICNIC, A. A realistic and humorous dialogue for six boys and ten REVIEWING FOR EXAMINATION. By Chas. McClintic. 1 male, 2 female characters. SILENT INTRUDER, THE. By Eugene Harold. A comic dialogue for two male characters. You should see the 'clerk placed under the hypnotic spell. SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING, A. A comic dialogue for a deaf lady and fa tramp. Three copies for ten cents. UNCLE PETER'S VISIT TO THE SCHOOL, A comic dialogue for 2 male and 3 female characters. 10 minutes. UNGROUNDED SUSPICIONS. For three boys. Shows how people are often imjustly accused. Three copies, ten cents. THE WAY TO WYNDHAM. A comic dialogue for 2 male characters. 10 minutes. An excellent dialogue. THE WEDDING NOTICE. A comic Irish dialogue that is rich and rare and racy. FAMOUS TEN CENT DIALOGUES ARABELLA'S POOR RELATION. A very popular dialogue, with the following characters : Arabella, a very proud city girl ; Mary Taylor, her poor cousin ; Joshua Hopkins, a typical down-east farmer from Ver- mont, one of the poor (?) relations; Robert Clar«»den in search of a wife. Four copies, thirty cents. AUNT SALLIE'S DOCTOR. A Christian Science dialogue for two male and two female characters. Some fun and some truth in the dialogue. AUNT VINEGAR'S MONEY. This is a dialogue for five female char- acters, by Mrs. A. Hunt. Some fun and truth in the dialogue. DEACON'S DILEMMA, THE. A comic dialogue, for one male, one female and a little girl. The deacon and the lady think that matrimony is the thing for them, but after many amusing differences, change their minds. DEAF UNCLE ZED. A comic dialogue in two scenes, for four male pnd three female characters. Uncle Zed has lots of cash, and can h^ar all right when he wants to. DOIG'S EXCELLENT DIALOGUES. By Agnes M. Doig. Con- tains four very pleasing short dialogues for little people, as follows: Keeping Store, Guessing, Playing School, and Christanas Eve, All good. POOR RELATION, THE. A comic dialogue in two parts, for five male characters. This dialogue shows that promises do not amount to much. It is what one does that counts. SCHOOL AFFAIRS IN RIVERHEAD DISTRICT. Characters: Teacher, children, and Board of Education. In four scenes. N SCHOOL GIRL'S STRATEGY, A. A humorous dialogue for one male and eight female characters, and as many more school girls as con- venient. Three interior scenes, one representing a school-room. One girl who has been writing essays for the other eirls, on this occasion writes ih&n all alike/ I^ot of fun. Eight copies for fifty cents. New Entertainment By Edna Randolph Wor LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 017 J00 795 I These songs can be used in all manner of entertainments. The music is easy, and both music and words are especially catchy. Children like them. Everybody likes them. Sheet music. Price 25 cents each. Five copies, $1.00. WE HOPE YOU'VE BROUGHT YOUR SMILES ALONG. A welcome song that will at once put the audience in a joyous frame of mind and create a happy impression that will mean half the success of your entire program. Words, bright and inspiring. Music,, catchy. WE'LL NOW HAVE TO SAY GOOD-BYE. This beautiful song has snap and go that will appeal alike to visitors and singers. It is just the song to send your audience home with happy memories of the occasion. WE'VE JUST ARRIVED FROM BASHFUL TOWN. This song will bring memories to the listeners of their own bashful school days. Words, unusually clever. Music, decidedly melodious. A capital welcome song, or it may be sung at any time on the program with assured success. MY OWN AMERICA, I LOVE THEE. A song that will bring a thrill of patriotism to the heart of every one who hears it. The chil- dren and grown-ups just can't resist the catchy music. It makes a cap- ital marching song. COME AND PARTAKE OF OUR WELCOME CAKE. A merry welcome song and a jolly one, too. The audience will be immediately curious about the Welcome Cake, and the children will love to surprise the listeners with the catchy words. Music, easy and tuneful. ^ LULLABY LANE. The music and words blend so beautifully that people will be humming the appealing strains long after they hear this charming song. A wonderfully effective closing song, whether sung by the school or as a solo by a little girl, with a chorus of other little girls with dolls. JOLLY PICKANINNIES. Words by Elizabeth F. Guptill. Music by Edna R. Worrell. This spicy coon song will bring down the house, especially if you use the directions for the motions which accompany the music. The black faces and shining eyes of the pickaninnies will guar- antee a hit. The words are great and the music just right. THE LITTLE BIRD'S SECRET. Here is just the song for those two little folks to sing together. They won't have to be coaxed to sing it, especially when they find that the whole school is to whistle the chorus. This is a decided novelty, and will prove a rare treat to your audience. A GARDEN ROMANCE. This is a dainty little song telling of the romance and wedding of Marigold and Sweet William. It Is just the song for dainty little girls to sing. COME TO THE NURSERY RHYME GARDEN AND PLAY. Here is something different for the little folks to sing. The Nursery Rhyme Folk are so familiar to children, It will be no trick for them " to remember the words. The music has a most captivating swing. Paine Publishing Company - - Dayton, Ohio