MR. PIM PASSES BY By A. A. MILNE SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th St., New Yor* MRS. PARTRIDGE PRESENTS Comedy in 3 acts. By Mary Kennedy and Ruth Haw- thorne. 6 males, 6 females. Modern costumes. 2 interiors Plays 2% hours. The characters, scenes and situations are" thoroughly up-t>- date in this altogether delightful American comedy. The heroinr :'(8 a woman of tremendous energy, who manages a business — af she manages everything — with great success, and at home pre sides oyer the destinies of a growing son and daughter. Her struggle to gfve the children the opportunities she herself had missed, and the children's ultimate revolt against her well-meant management — that is the basis of the plot. The son who is cast lor the part of artist and the daughter who is to go on the stagf- offer numerous opportunities for the development of the comi<- possibilities in the theme. The play is one of the most delightful, yet thought-provokins American comedies of recent years, and is warmly recommends' to all amateur groups. (Royalty on application.) Price, 75 Cents IN THE NEXT ROOM Melodrama in 3 acts. By Eleanor Bobson and Harriet Ford. 8 males, 3 females. 2 interiors. Modern costumes Plays 2 a /4 hours. "Philip Vantine has bought a rare copy of an original BouU cabinet and ordered it shipped to his New York home from Paris, When it arrives it is found to be the original itself, the pos session of which is desired by many strange people. Before ths mystery concerned with the cabinet's shipment can be cleared! tip, two persons meet mysterious death fooling with it and the- happiness of many otherwise happy actors is threatened" (Burn* Mantle). A first-rate mystery play, comprising all the element? of suspense, curiosity, comedy and drama. "In the Next Reont' is quite easy to stage. It can be unreservedly recommended to high schools and colleges. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 16 Cents ■■■■■■i^^^B^HMaiBaii^BHBaii^i^iB^iaaaaaBnniHBr SAMTJBL FRENCH, 25 West 46th Street, New York City Onr New Catalogue Will Be gent oa Keeelpc mt Tl-rm Cents. THE ACTING EDITION OF Mr. Pirn Passes By A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS BY A. A. MILNE Copyright, 1921, by A. A. Milne All Rights Reserved CAUTION : Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that "MR. PIM PASSES BY," being fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of Amer- ica, the British Empire, including the Dominion of Can- ada, and the other countries of the Copyright Union, is subject to a royalty, and anyone presenting the play without the consent of the owners or their authorized agents will be liable to the penalties by law provided. Applications for the Professional and Amateur acting rights must be made to Samuel French, 25 West 45th Street, New York, N. Y. New York SAMUEL FRENCH Publisher 25 West 45th Street London SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 26 Southampton Street STRAND 1 1X1 ,-fi *y /. 'MR. PIM PASSES BY" All Rights Reserved Especial notice should be taken that the possession of this book without a valid contract for production first having been obtained from the publisher, confers no right or license to professionals or amateurs to produce the play publicly or in private for gain or charity. In its present form this play is dedicated to the reading public only, and no performance, representation, production, recitation by amateurs, public reading or radio broadcasting may be given except by special arrangement with Samuel French, 25 West 45th Street, New York. This play may be presented by amateurs upon payment of a royalty of Fifty Dollars for each performance, payable to Samuel French, 25 West 45th Street, New York, one week before the date when the play is given. Professional royalty quoted on application to Samuel French, 25 West 45th Street, New York, N. Y. Whenever the play is produced the following notice must appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the play: "Produced by special arrangement with Samuel French of New York." Attention is called to the penalty provided by law for any infringement of the author's rights, as follows : "Section 4966 : — Any person publicly performing or rep- resenting any dramatic or musical composition for which copyright has been obtained, without the consent of the proprietor of said dramatic or musical composition, or his heirs and assigns, shall be liable for damages thereof, such damages, in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not less than one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dollars for every subsequent performance, as to the court shall appear to be just. If the unlawful performance and representation be wilful and for profit, such person or persons shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction shall be im- prisoned for a period not exceeding one year." — U. S. Revised Statutes: Title 60, Chap. 3. CHARACTERS THE ORIGINAL CAST A^ George Marden, J.P. Olivia (his Wife) Dinah (his Niece) Lady Marden (his Aunt) Brian Strange . Carraway Pim . Anne .... IRE GAIETY THEATRE. MANCHT5STEB . Mr. Ben Webster. Miss Irene Vanbrugh. . Miss Georgette Cohan. . Miss Sybil Carlisle. . Mr. Philip Easton. Mr. Dion Boucicault. . Miss Ethel Wellesley. The action takes place in the morning-room at Marden House, Buckingham* shire, on a day in July THE ORIGINAL LONDON CAST AT THE George Marden, J.P. Olivia (his Wife) Dinah (his Niece) Lady Marden (his Aunt) Brian Strange . Carraway Pm . . A-NNB • • • • NEW THEATRE Mr. Ben Webster. Miss Irene Vanbrugh. Miss Georgette Cohan. Miss Ethel Grifius. Mr. Leslie Howard. Mr. Dion Boucicault. Miss Ethel WtUe»U§. Produced by the Theatre Guild at the Garrick Theatre, on Monday evening, February 28, 1921, with the following cast: Anne Peggy Harvey Carraway Pim Erskine Sanford Dinah Phyllis Povah Brian Strange Leonard Mudie Olivia Marden Laura Hope Crewes George Marden, J. P Dudley Digges Lady Marden Helen Westley rr «-:o« «a rrr-sr-ss::^'. MR. PIM PASSES BY ACT I Tht morning-room at Marden House {Buckinghamshire) decided more than a hundred years ago that it was all right, and has not bothered about itself since. Visitors to the house have called ilie result such different adjectives as " mellow," " old-fashioned," " charming " — even " baronial " and " antique " ; but nobody ever said it was *' exciting." Sometimes Olivia wants it to be more exciting, and last week she rather let herself go over some new curtains ; she still has the rings to put on. It is obvious that the curtains alone will overdo the excitement ; they will have to be harmonized with a new carpet and cushions. Olivia has her eye on just the things, but one has to go carefully with George. What was good enough for his great-great- grandfather is good enough for him. However, we can trust Olivia to see him through it, although it may take time. A scene plot is given at the end of the play. There are three ways of coming into the room : by the open windows leading from the garden, by the doors to R., or by the staircase from up E. Mr. Pim chooses the latter ivay — or rather Anne chooses it for him ; and Mr. Pim kindly and inoffensively follows her. She comes down steps and crosses to c, followed by Mr. Pim. Anne (moves up, looking off l. and returning to Pim r.o.). I'll tell Mr. Marden you're here, sir. Mr. Pim, isn't it ? Pim (nervously). Yes — er — Mr. Pim — Mr. Carraway Pim. He doesn't know me, you understand, but if he could just spare me a few moments — er (He fumbles in his pockets.) I gave you that letter ? Anne. Yes, sir, I'll give it to him. Pim (brings out a stamped letter which is not the one he was looking for, but which reminds him of something else he has forgotten. Looking at letter). Oh ! Dear me i Anne. Yes, sir ? Pim. Dear me. I ought to have posted this. (Looking at letter.) Oh, well, I must send a telegram. You have a telegraph office in the village ? Anne. Oh, yes, sir. (Moving up to terrace up l. and pointing off l.) If you turn to the left when you get outside the gates, it's 7 8 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Act L about a hundred yards down the hill. Turn to the left and down the hill. Pim. Turn to the left and down the hill. Thank you, thank you. Very stupid of me to have forgotten. (Anne exits up staircase r.) (Mr. Pim wanders about the room humming to himself, and looking at the pictures and photos on piano. Then goes out at window up L.) (Dinah enters from staircase up R. dancing, and humming the air of " Down on the Farm " : she is nineteen, very pretty, very happy, and full of boyish high spirits and conversation. She dances to foot of stairs, looks off R., then down c. then to piano ; sits and plays a few bars and sings " Down on the Farm," rises and moves up to R. of piano, and as she does so Pim re-enters from window up l. and they come suddenly face to face up back C. below the writing-table. There is a slight pause.) Dinah (backing a step). Hullo ! Pim. You must forgive me, but . . . Good mornin Mrs. Marden. Dinah. Oh, I say, 7'm not Mrs. Marden. I'm Dinah. Pim (with a smile). Then I will say, Good morning, Miss Diana. Dinah (reproachfully). Now, look here, if you and I are going to be friends, you mustn't do that. Dinah, not Diana. Do remember it, there's a good man, because I get so tired of correcting people. (Moving down c. to r.) Have you come to stay with us ? (Sits on settee r.) Pim (following her down). Well, no, Miss — er — Dinah. Dinah (nodding). That's right. I can see I shan't have to speak to you again. Now tell me your name, and I bet you I get it right first time. And do sit down. Pim (crossing to l. and sitting on settee l.). Thank you. My name is — er — Pim, Carraway Pim Dinah. Pim, that's easy. Pim. And I have a letter of introduction to your father ■ Dinah (rising and crossing to R. of table l.c. and speaking across same). Oh, no ; now you're going wrong again, Mr. Pim. George isn't my father ; he's my uncle. Uncle George — he doesn't like me calling him George. Olivia doesn't mind — I mean she doesn't mind being called Olivia, but George is rather touchy. (Sitting on table, facing Pim.) You see, he's been my guardian since I was about two, and then about five years ago he married a widow called Mrs. Telworthy. Pim (repeating). Mrs. Telworthy. Dinah. That's Olivia — so she became my Aunt Olivia, only she lets me drop the Aunt. (Speaking very sharply.) Get that f Pim (a little alarmed). I — I think so, Miss Marden. Dinah (admiringly). I say, you are quick, Mr. Pim. Well, if Act I.] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 9 you take my advice, when you've finished your business with George, you will hang about a bit and see if you can't see Olivia. (Rising and moving c.) She's simply — {feeling for the word) — devastating. I don't wonder George fell in love with her. (Moving to above piano r., looking at photos, etc.) Pim (rising and looking at his watch and coming a). It's only the merest matter of business — just a few words with your uncle — Perhaps I'd better . . . Dinah (looking at photo on top end of piano). Well, you must please yourself, Mr. Pim. I'm just giving you a friendly word of advice. Naturally, I was awfully glad to get such a magnificent aunt. (Mov- ing down to L. of piano and taking up and looking at photo of Olivia.) Because, after all, marriage is rather a toss up, isn't it ? Pim (taken aback). Well, I don't know, I haven't had any experi- ence . . . Dinah (continuing). And George might have gone off with any- body. (Moving to Pim.) It's different on the stage, where guardians always marry their wards, but George couldn't marry me because I'm his niece. Mind you, I don't say that I should have had him, because, between ourselves, he's a little bit old-fashioned. Pim. So he married — er — Mrs. Marden instead. Dinah. Mrs. Telworthy — don't say you've forgotten already, just when you were getting so good at names. Mrs. Telworthy. (Moves to and sits on settee R.) You see, Olivia married the Telworthy man and went to Australia with him, and he drank himself to death in the bush, or wherever you drink yourself to death out there, and Olivia came home to England, and met my uncle, and he fell in love with her and proposed to her — (rises and kneels on settee) — and he came into my room that night — I was about fourteen — and turned on the light and said, " Dinah, how would you like to have a beautiful aunt of your very own ? " (Pim laughs.) And I said : " Congratulations, George." (Pim laughs again.) That was the first time I called him George. Of course, I'd seen it coming for weeks. Telworthy, isn't it a funny name ? Pim. Oh, a most curious name — Telworthy. From Australia, you say ? Dinah. Yes, I always say that he's probably still alive, and will turn up here one morning and annoy George. Pim (shocked). Oh! Dinah. But I'm afraid there's not much chance. Pim (shocked). Miss Maiden ! Really ! Dinah. Well, of course, I don't really want it to happen, but it would be rather exciting. (Crossing to Pim.) Wouldn't it, Mr. Pim? Pim. Exciting I (Pim crosses to below settee l.) 10 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Act I. Dinah. However, things like that never seem to occur down here, somehow. (Running up into window up R. Pim watches her.) There was a hayrick burnt last year about a mile away, but that isn't the same, is it ? Pim. No, I should say that that was certainly different. Dinah (coming to back of table l.c). Of course, something very, very wonderful did happen last night. (Backing away.) No, no ! I'm not sure if I know you well enough (She looks at him hesitatingly.) Pim (uncomfortably). Really, Miss Marden, you mustn't. I am only a — a passer-by, here to-day and gone to-morrow. You really mustn't Dinah (looking round and coming down to Pim). And yet there's something about you, Mr. Pim, which inspires confidence. Pim (moving to L.). Oh, no. Really, you mustn't tell me. Dinah (taking his arm). The fact is — (in a stage whisper) — I got engaged last night ! Pim. Dear me, let me congratulate you. I wish somebody would come here. Dinah (running up to foot of staircase up R. and looking off). I expect that's why George is keeping you such a long time. (Turning to Pim.) Brian, my young man, the well-known painter — only nobody has ever heard of him — he's smoking a pipe with George in the library and asking for his niece's hand. (Coming back to Pim, and taking his hands, she dances round with him in a circle.) (Pim falh exhausted and coughing on to settee l. and Dinah laughing sits on settee R.) Dinah. Isn't it exciting ? You're really rather lucky, Mr. Pim — I mean being told so soon. Even Olivia doesn't know yet. Pim. Yes, yes. I congratulate you, Miss Marden. Perhaps .it would be better (About to get up.) (Anne comes in from staircase up r. She comes to 0.) Anne. Mr. Marden is out at the moment, sir . Dinah (disappointed). Oh ! Anne (seeing Dinah). Oh, I didn't see you, Miss Dinah ! Pim. Out! eh? Dear! Dear! Dinah. It's all right, Anne. (Rising.) I'm looking after Mr. Pim. Anne. Very well, Miss. Pim (sotto voce). Out ! Oh, well, I'd better go — (Exit Anne up staircase B.) Dinah (excitedly). That's me. (Running up to foot of staircase and watching Anne off.) They can't discuss me in the library with- out breaking down — (coming down r. and imitating George and Brian) — bo they're walking up and down outside, and slashing at Act L] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 11 the thistles in order to conceal their emotion. You know. I expect Brian {Crossing up to R. of window.) Pim {rising, calling). Miss Marden ! Miss Marden ! {Looking at his watch.) Yes, I think, Miss Marden, I had better go now and return a little later. I have a telegram which I want to send, and perhaps by the time I come back your uncle will be able Dinah {coming to Pim). Oh, but how disappointing of you, when we were getting on together so nicely I And it was just going to be your turn to tell me all about yourself. Pim. I have really nothing to tell, Miss Marden. I have a letter of introduction to your uncle, who in turn will give me, I hope, a letter to a certain distinguished man whom it is necessary for me to meet. That is all. {Holding out his hand.) And now, Miss Marden, I really think I'd better be going. Dinah {taking his arm and leading him up stage c. to L.). Oh, I'll start you on your way to the post office. Pim. Will you ? Now, that's really very kind of you. Dinah. No, it isn't. Pim. Oh, but it is ! You're a very kind little girl. Dinah. I want to know if you're married Pim. Oh, no, I'm not married. Dinah. — and all that sort of thing. You've got heaps to tell me, Mr. Pim. Have you got your hat ? (Pim shows his hat.) Oh yes ! That's right. (Brian Strange comes in from window up r. He is what Georgh calls a damned futuristic painter chap, aged 24. To look at he is a very pleasant boy, rather untidily dressed. He is about to tell Dinah the result of his interview with George when he catches sight of Pim.) Then we'll — hullo, here's Brian ! {Crossing below and to his B. seizing him.) Brian, this is Mr. Pim ! Mr. Carraway Pim. He's been telling me all about himself. Pim. I haven't said a word. I never opened my mouth. Dinah. It's so interesting. He's just going to send a telegram, and then he's coming back again. Mr. Pim — {coyly and moving down to head of settee r.) — this is Brian — you know. Brian {nodding). How-do-you-do ? Pim. How-do-you-do, sir ? Dinah {pleadingly and crossing below Brian to Pim). You won't mind going to the post office by yourself now, will you ? {Coyly moving up to chair by writing-table and nervously kicking her ankle, etc.) Because, you see, Brian and I {She looks lovingly at Brian.) Pim {moved to sentiment). Miss Dinah and Mr. — er — Brian, I have only come into your lives for a moment, and it is probable that I shall now pass out of them for ever, but perhaps you will permit an old man Dinah. Oh, not so old I IS MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Aot I. i Pm (chuckling happily). Not old ? Well, shall we say a middle- aged man — (Dinah nods assent. Pim laughs again) — a middle-aged man to wish you both every happiness in the years that you have before you. (Crossing in front of Dinah, shakes hands with Brian.) Good-bye — (shaking hands with Dinah) — good-bye, and thank you so much. Oh, I know my way. (Moving up l. and turning to Dinah.) Turn to the left and down the hill ? Turn to the left and down the hill. (Exit Pim up l. Dinah watches him off up l. on terrace and Brian up r.) Dinah (coming into the room below writing-table to B.C.). Brian, he'll get lost if he goes that way. Brian (crossing at back of windows and calling after him up l.). Round to the left, sir. Yes, that's right. (He comes back into the room, crossing down l.c.) Rum old bird. Who is he ? Dinah. Darling, you haven't kissed me yet. Brian (moving up to her and fulling her down to below settee L.). Oh, I say. I oughtn't to, but then one never ought to do the nice things. Dinah. Why oughtn't you ? (They sit on the sofa together — Brian to R., Dinah to L.) Brian. Well, we said we'd be good until we'd told your uncle and aunt all about it. You see, being a guest in their house Dinah. But, darling child, what have you been doing all this morning except telling George ? Brian. Oh, trying to tell George. Dinah (nodding). Yes, of course, there's a difference. Brian. I think he guessed there was something up, and he took me down to see the pigs — he said he had to see the pigs at once — I don't know why ; an appointment perhaps. And we talked about pigs all the way, and I couldn't say, " Talking about pigs, I want to marry your niece " Dinah (with mock indignation). Oh, of course you couldn't. Brian. No. Well, you see how it was. And then when we'd finished talking about pigs, we started talking to the pigs Dinah (eagerly). Oh, how is Arnold ? Brian. Arnold . . . ? Oh yes, that's the little black-and-white one ? He's very jolly, I believe, but naturally I wasn't thinking about him much. I was wondering how to begin. And then Lumsden came up, and wanted to talk pig-food, and the atmosphere grew less and less romantic, and — and I gradually drifted away. Dinah. Oh, poor darling ! Well, we shall have to approach him through Olivia. Brian. But I always wanted to tell her first; she's so much easier. Only you wouldn't let me. Dinah. That's your fault. Brian. You would tell Olivia that she ought to have orange-and-black curtains in here. Act I.J MR PIM PASSES BY. IS Brian. But she wants orange-and-black curtains in here. Dinah. Yes. (Rising and standing with her back to fire, imitating George.) But George says he's not going to have afcy Futuristic nonsense in an honest English country house, which has been good enough for his father and his grandfather and his great-grandfather, and — and all the rest of them. (Kneels on settee.) So there's a sort of strained feeling between Olivia and George just now, and if Olivia were to — sort of recommend you, well, it wouldn't do you much good. Brian (looking at her). I see. Of course I know what you want, Dinah. Dinah. What do I want ? Brian. You want a secret engagement Dinah. Oh ! Brian. And notes left under door-mats Dinah. Oh ! Brian. And meetings by the withered thor n ■ Dinah. Oh ! Brian. When all the household is asleep. Dinah. Oh ! Brian. I know you. Dinah. Oh, but it is such fun! I love meeting people by withered thorns. Brian. Wtll, I'm not going to have it. Dinah (childishly, sitting close to him). Oh, George 1 Look at us being husbandy ! Brian. You babe ! I adore you. (He kisses her and holds her hands.) You know, you're rather throwing yourself away on me. Do you mind ? Dinah (putting her legs wp on settee and reclining her head on his shoulder). Not a bit. Brian. We shall never be rich, but we shall have lots of fun, and meet interesting people, and feel that we're doing something worth doing, and not getting paid nearly enough for it, and we can curse the Academy together and the British Public, and — oh, it's an exciting life. Dinah (seeing it). I shall love it. Brian (sincerely). I'll make you love it. You shan't be sorry, Dinah. Dinah. You shan't be sorry either, Brian. Brian (looking at her lovingly). Oh, I know I shan't. . . . What will Olivia think about it ? Will she be surprised ? Dinah. Olivia ? Oh, she's never surprised. She always seems to have thought of things about half an hour before they happen. George just begins to get hold of them about half an hour after they've happened. (Considering him, stroking his hair.) After all, there's no reason why George shouldn't like you, darling. Brian. I'm not his sort, you know, really. 14 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Act I. Dinah. You're more Olivia's sort. Well, we'll tell Olivia this morning. (Olivia comes in from top of staircase up r.) Olivia (coming in). And what are you going to tell Olivia thfo morning ? (They jump up and go to her.) Dinah. Olivia, darling Olivia. Oh, well, I iliink I can guess. (Dinah goes to her r. a:id Brian to her l., and they bring her down c.) Brian (following). Say you understand, Mrs. Marden. Olivia. Mrs. Marden, I am afraid, is a very dense person, Brian, but I think if you asked Olivia if she understood Brian. Bless you, Olivia. I knew you'd be on our side. Dinah. Of course she would. Olivia. I don't know if it's usual to kiss an aunt-in-law, Brian, but Dinah is such a very special sort of niece that — (she inclines her cheek and Brian kisses it). Dinah (backing away to r. a little). I say, you are in luck to-day, Brian* (Brian moves up c laughing.) Olivia (crossing below settee l. and up l. to cabinet). And how many people have been told the good news 1 Brian. Nobody yet. Dinah. Except Mr. Pirn. Brian (crossing down to Dinah). Oh, does he— — Olivia (turning as she reaches cabinet up l.). Who's Mr. Pirn t Dinah. Oh, he just happened — (Olivia takes curtains and work- basket from centre cupboard of cabinet.) — I say, are those the curtains 1 Then you're going to have them after all ? Olivia (with an air of surprise, coining down l., and putting work- basket on table l.c. and sitting with curtains). After all what? But I decided on them long ago. (To Brian.) You haven't told George yet. Brian (moving to below stool l.c). I began to, you know, but I never got any farther than " Er — there's just — er " Dinah (crossing quickly below Olivia and speaking into her face). George would talk about pigs all the time. Olivia. Well, I suppose you want me to help you. Dinah (sitting to l. of Olivia). Oh, do, darling. Brian (sits on stool l.c). It would be awfully decent of you. Of course, I'm not quite his sort really Dinah. You're my sort. Brian. But I don't think he objects to me, an d Ao» I.] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 15 (George comes in from terrace, a typical, narrow-minded, honest country gentleman of forty odd. Brian rises hurriedly and crosses to above piano to r. Dinah rises and stands by fireplace. Olivia unfolds curtains and prepares to sew.) George (at the windows — he does not see Brian). Hullo ! Hullo t Hullo ! What's all this about a Mr. Pirn ? Who ia he ? Where is he ? (He puts his cap on table, and comes down into room.) I had most important business with Lumsden, and the girl comes down and cackles about a Mr. Pirn, or Ping, or something. Where did I put his card ? (Bringing it out.) Carraway Pirn. Never heard of him in my life. (Moves back to writing-table and puts down card.) Dinah. He said he had a letter of introduction, Uncle George. George. Oh, you saw him, did you ? (Comes down c. to r.) Yes, that reminds me, there was a letter — (he brings it out and reads it). Dinah. He had to send a telegram. He's coming back. Olivia. Pass me those scissors, Brian. Brian (crossing to above table L.c.). These ? (He passes them.) Olivia (giving Brian a nod of encouragement and looking round at Dinah). Thank you. George (reading). Ah well, a friend of Brymer's. Glad to oblige him. Yes, I know the man he wants. Coming back, you say, Dinah ? (Dinah nods.) Then I'll be going back too. Send him down to the farm, Olivia, when he comes. (Going up meets Brian.) Hallo, what happened to you ? (StiU moving up a little.) Olivia. Don't go, George, there's something we want to talk about. I (Dinah gives a long whistle. All look sheepish and George notices their attitude.) George. Hallo, what's this ? Brian (quickly and over back of l.c. table to Olivia). Shall I ? (Dinah pantomimes. "Yes, do.") Olivia (with a roguish look at Dinah). Yes. (Sticks needle in work.) Brian (stepping out to c.) I've been wanting to tell you all this morning, sir, only I didn't seem to have an opportunity of getting it out. George. Well, what is it ? (Brian, taken aback for a moment, looks to Olivia for encouragement. She nods approval and turning to Dinah, takes her hand encourag- ingly.) Brian (boldly). I want to marry Dinah, sir. George. You want to marry Dinah ? God bless my soul ! Dinah (rushing to him below and to his r. and putting her cheek 16 MR. PIM PASSES BY. (Ac* L against his coat and her hands on his shoulder). Oh, do say you like the idea, Uncle George. George. Like the idea ! {Taking her hands from his shoulder.) Have you heard of this nonsense, Olivia ? (Movement of annoyance from Dinah.) Olivia. They've just this moment told me, George. I think they would be happy together. George (crossing to fireplace l., to Brian). And what do you propose to be happy together on ? Brian (r.c). Well, of course, I know it doesn't amount to much at present, but we shan't starve. Dlnah. Brian got fifty pounds for a picture last March ! George (a little upset by this). Oh ! (Recovering gamely.) And how many pictures have you sold since ? Brian (gives a nervous look at Olivia and Dinah, who then sits on settee r.). Well, none, but George. None ! And I don't wonder. Who the devil is going to buy pictures with triangular clouds and square sheep ? (Brian, diinoyed, moves up R.c.) And they call that Art nowadays ! Good God, man (moving up to the windows), go outside and look at the clouds ! Olivia (busy stitching rings on curtains). If he draws round clouds in future, George, will you let him marry Dinah ? (George looks round, annoyed. Brian is hopeful and comes down towards Dinah.) George (upset by this, coming down to head of l.c. table). What — what ? Yes, of course, you would be on his side — all this Futur- istic nonsense. (Olivia commences to sew.) I'm just taking these clouds as an example. (Crossing to Brian.) I suppose I can see as well as any man in the county, and I say that clouds aren't triangular. Brian (ingratiatingly). After all, six, at my age one is naturally experimenting, and trying to find one's (with a laugh) — well, it Bounds priggish, but one's medium of expression. I shall find out what I want to do directly, but I think I shall always be able to earn enough to live on. Well, I have for the last three years. George. I see, and now you want to experiment with a wife Brian. Yes — no — no— — Dinah. Yes, you do. Brian. Yes. George. And you propose to start experimenting with my niece ? Brian (with a shrug). Well, of course, if you Olivia. You could help the experiment, darling, by giving Dinah a good allowance until she's twenty-one. Act I.] MR. PBf PASSES BY. 17 George. Help the experiment ! I don't want to help the experi- ment. {Crossing up to writing-table.) Olivia {apologetically). Oh, I thought you did. George. You will talk as if I was made of money. What with taxes always going up and rent3 always going down, it's as much as we can do to rub along as we are {to back of L.c. table), without making allowances to everybody who thinks she wants to get married. {To Brian.) And that's thanks to you, my friend. Brian {surprised). To me ? Olivia. You never told me, darling. What's Brian been doing ? Dinah {indignantly). He hasn't been doing anything. George {round to foot of table l.c). He's one of your Socialists who go turning the country upside down. Olivia. But even Socialists must get married sometimes. George {crossing below Olivia to fireplace). I don't see any necessity. Olivia. But you'd have nobody to damn after dinner, darling, if they all died out. Brian {coming a little a). Really, sir, I don't see what my politics and my art have got to do with it. I'm perfectly r3ady not to talk about either when I'm in your house, and as Dinah doesn't seem to object to them Dinah {moving towards Brian and championing him). I should think she doesn't. George. Oh, you can get round the women, I daresay. Brian. Well, it's Dinah I want to marry and live with. So what it really comes to is that you don't think I can support a wife. George. Well, if you're going to do it by selling pictures, I don't think you can. Brian {moving to r. of table l.c). All right, tell me how much you want me to earn in a year, and I'll earn it. George {hedging). It isn't merely a question of money. I just mention that as one thing — one of the important things. (George crosses to Brian who backs towards Dinah.) In addition to that, I think you are both too young to marry. (Dinah stamps her foot.) I don't think you know your own minds (Dinah kneels dejectedly on settee r.), and I am not at all persuaded that, with what I venture to call your outrageous tastes Dinah. Oh ! George. You and my niece will live happily together. {Pause. Crossing up to writing-table, sits.) Just because she thinks she loves you, Dinah may persuade herself now that she agrees with all you say and do, but Bhe has been properly brought up in an honest English country household — (Dinah throws up her arms and buries her face in her hands on piano) and — er — she — well, in short, I cannot at all approve of any engagement between you. {Getting up.) B 1% MR. PBI PASSES BY. [Act I. Olivia, if this Mr. — er — Pirn comes, I shall be dowu, at the farm You might send him along to me. (He walks towards the windows up L.) Brian (moving up R., followed by Dinah ; indignantly). Is there" any reason why I shouldn't marry a girl who has been properly brought up ? George. I think you know my views, Strange. (Dinah, disappointed, crosses down r. again to below table B.C.) Olivia. George, wait a moment, dear. We can't quite leave it like this. George. I have said all I want to say on the subject. (Dinah sits on settee r.) Olivia. Yes, darling, but I haven't begun to say all that / want to say on the subject. George (crossing down to bach of table l.c). Of course, if you have anything to say, Olivia, I will listen to it ; but I don't know that this is quite the time — (Olivia makes a marked movement as she is sewing the curtains), or that you have chosen — (looking darkly at the curtains) — quite the occupation likely to — er — endear your views to me. Dinah (mutinously, rising quickly and crossing to stool on which she kneels and looks up into George's face and bangs the table). I may as well tell you, Uncle George, that I have got a good deal to say, too. (Brian crosses down to her r., gingerly pulling her sleeve, trying to restrain her.) Olivia. Yes, darling. I can guess what you are going to say, Dinah, and I think you had better keep it for the moment. Dinah (meekly, backing to R. below Brian and to l. of table R.C.). Yes, Aunt Olivia. Olivia. Brian, you might take her outside for a walk. I expect you have plenty to talk about. (Brian and Dinah move up r.) George (following them up). Now mind, Strange, no love-making. I put you on your honour about that. Brian (looking round dubioudy at Dinah). I'll do my best to •void it, sir. Dinah (cheekily). May I take his arm if we go up a hill ? Olivia. I'm sure you'll know how to behave — both of you. Brian (r. of writing-table). Come on, then, Dinah. Dinah (following him). Bight-o. i (They exeunt through windows and off to l.) Act I.] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 19 George (as they go). And if you do see any clouds, Strange, take a good look at them. (He chuckles to himself.) Triangular clouds — I never heard of such nonsense. (He goes back to his chair at the writing-table and sits.) Futuristic rubbish. ... Well, Olivia ? Olivia (sewing curtains). "Well, George I George. What are you doing ? Olivia. Making curtains — (grunt of disapproval from George) — George. Won't they be rather sweet ? Oh, but I fo.got — you don't like them. George. No. I don't like them, and what is more, I don't mean to have them in my house. As I told you yesterday, this is the house of a simple country gentleman, and I don't want any of these new-fangled ideas in it. Olivia. Is marrying for love a new-fangled idea ? George. We'll come to that directly. None of you women can keep to the point. What I am saying now is that the house of my fathers and forefathers is good enough for me. Olivia. Do you know, George, I can hear one of your ancestors Baying that to his wife in their smelly old cave — (George looks up annoyed at her levity) — when the new-fangled idea of building houses was first suggested. " The Cave of my Forefathers is good enough for " George (rising and coming to r. of l.c. table). That's ridiculous. Naturally we must have progress. But that's just the point. (Indicating the curtains.) I don't call this sort of thing progress. It's — ah — retrogression. Olivia. Well, anyhow, it's pretty. George. There I disagree with you. And I must say once more that I will not have them hanging in my house. (Going up R.C.) Olivia. Very well, George. (But she goes on working.) George (seeing her continuing to sew, stops). That being so, I don't see the necessity of going on with them. Olivia. Well, I must do something with them now I've got the material. (George goes up to writing-table, sits and writes.) I thought perhaps I could sell them when they're finished — as we're bo poor. George (turns to her with surprised look). What do you mean — bo poor ? Olivia. Well, you said just now that you couldn't give Dinah an allowance because rents had gone down. George (annoyed). Confound it, Olivia ! Keep to the point ! We'll talk about Dinah's affairs directly. We're discussing our own affairs at the moment. Olivia. But what is there to discuss, dear ? George. Well, those ridiculous things. 20 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Act L Olivia. But we've finished that. You've said you wouldn't have them hanging in your house, and I've said, " Very well, George." — (George is again annoyed.) — Now we can go on to Dinah and Brian. George {shouting). But put these beastly things away. Olivia (rising and gathering up the curtains). Very well, George. (Going up L. she places the curtains on the cabinet.) George (waits impatiently until she has put them away on top of cabinet). Ah ! That's better. (Olivia comes to table l.c, closes her workbox and then crosses down to settee R.) George (rising and crossing down to Olivia and placing arms lovingly on her shoulder). Now look here, Olivia, old girl, you've been a jolly good wife to me — {lakes his arms from her shoulder) — and we don't often have rows, and if I've been rude to you about this — lost my temper a bit perhaps, what ? — I'll 6ay I'm sorry. May I have a kiss ? Olivia (holding up her face). George, darling ! (He kisses her.) Do you love me ? George. You know I do, old girl. Olivia. As much as Brian loves Dinah ? George (stiffly, taking her hands from his shoulders). I've sail all I want to say about that. (He goes away from her to l.) Olivia. Oh, but there must be lots you want to say and perhaps don't like to. (Sits on settee R.) Do tell me, darling. George (coming back to a). What it comes to is this. I con- sider that Dinah is too young to choose a husband for herself, and that Strange isn't the husband I should choose for her. Olivia. You were calling him Brian yesterday. George. Yesterday I regarded him as a boy, now he wants me to look upon him as a man. Olivia. He's twenty-four. George. Yes, and Dinah's nineteen. Ridiculous. (Crossing up to smoking-table up R., and filling his pipe which he finds on table.) Olivia. If he'd been a Conservative, and thought that clouds were round, I suppose he'd have seemed older, somehow. George. That's a different point altogether. That has nothing to do with his age. Olivia (innocently). Oh, I thought it had. George (crossing down c. stuffing tobacco into his pipe). What I am objecting to is these ridiculously early marriages before either party knows its own mind, much less the mind of the other party. (Moving to fireplace looking for a match.) Such marriages invariably lead to unhappiness. Olivia. Of course, my first marriage wasn't a happy one. George. As you know, Olivia, I dislike speaking about your Act I.] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 21 first marriage at all — {takes a match from table down l. Olivia rises slowly and goes up to R. of writing-table) — and I had no intention of bringing it up now, but since you mention it — well, there's a case in point. {Sits on settee L., lighting his pipe.) Olivia {looking back at it). When I was eighteen, I was in love. George {turning to her). What ? Olivia. Or perhaps I only thought I was, and I don't know if I should have been happy or not if I had married him. But my father made me marry Mr. Jacob Tel worthy. (George looks up u* her, annoyed.) And when things were too hot for him in England — " too hot for him " — I think that was the expression we used in those days — then we went to Australia, and I left him there. {Goes slowly down to back of settee l.) And the only happy moment I had in all my married life was on the morning when I saw in the papers that he was dead. {Leans with her arms over back of settee.) George {very uncomfortable yet lovingly taking her hands with his left hand). Yes, yes, my dear, I know, I know. You must have had a terrible time. I can hardly bear to think about it. My only hope is that I have made up to you for it in some degree. {She places her left cheek lovingly on his head.) {Dropping her hands.) But I don't see what bearing it has upon Dinah's case. Olivia. Oh, none, except that my father liked Jacob's political opinions and his views on art. {Moving slowly round L.c. table to below stool at foot.) I expect that that was why he chose him for me. George. You seem to think that I wish to choose a husband for Dinah. I don't at all. Let her choose whom she likes as long as he can support her and there's a chance of their being happy together. Now, with regard to this fellow Olivia. You mean Brian ? George. Well, he's got no money, and he's been brought up in quite a different way from Dinah. Dinah may be prepared to believe that — er — all cows are blue, and that — er — waves are square, but she won't go on believing it for ever. Olivia. Neither will Brian. George {moving to r. end of settee). Well, that's what I keep telling him, only he won't see it. Just as I keep telling you about those ridiculous curtains. {Points to cupboard with pipe in right hand over his left shoulder.) It seems to me that I am the only person in the house with any eyesight left. Olivia. Perhaps you are, darling ; but you must let us find out our own mistakes for ourselves. {Sits on stool L.c.) At any rate, Brian is a gentleman ; he loves Dinah, Dinah loves him ; he's earning enough to support himself, and you are earning enough to support Dinah. George {amazed). What ? Olivia. I think it's worth risking, George. Gkorge {stiffly). I can only say the whole question demands 23 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Act L much more anxious thought than you seem to have given it. You say that he is a gentleman. He knows how to behave, I admit; but if his morals are as topsy-turvy as his tastes and — er — politics, as I've no doubt they are (rising and moving to l.), then — er In short, I do not approve of Brian Strange as a husband for my niece and ward. (Knocks pipe out down l.) Olivia (looking at him thoughtfully). You are a curious mixture, George. You were so very unconventional when you married me, and you're so very conventional when Brian wants to marry Dinah. . . . George Marden to marry the widow of a convict ! George (advancing). Convict ! What do you mean ? Olivia. Jacob Telworthy, convict — I forget his number— Burely I told you all this, dear, when we got engaged % George. Never ! Olivia. Oh, but I told you how he carelessly put the wrong signature to a cheque for a thousand pounds in England ; how he made a little mistake about two or three companies he'd promoted in Australia ; and how George. Yes, yes (crossing slowly to c. below Olivia), but you never told me he'd been — er — well — convicted I Olivia. What difference does it make ? George. My dear Olivia, if you can't see that — a — a — oh, well ! f Olivia. Oh ! A convict ! So, you see, we needn't be too particular about our niece, need we ? George. I think we had better leave your first husband out of the conversation altogether. I never wished to refer to him ; I never wish to hear about him again. I certainly had not realized that he was actually — er — well — convicted for his — en. Pull yourself together, Olivia. (To Pm.) So he illy is dead this time? I'm. Oh, undoubtedly, undoubtedly. A fish-bone lodged \m .'. throat. (Lady Marden retreats to settee b. again.) M MB. PIM PASSES BY. [Act IL George (moving up c. to L. window, trying to realize it). Dead ! Dead! Pim (rising and turning to Olivia, alarmed at her hysteria). Oh, but, Mrs. Harden ! Olivia. I think you must excuse me, Mr. Pim. (Crossing to o.) But a herring ! There's something about a herring (George comes quickly to her, very concerned.) (Pim is also very concerned.) (Turning to George.) Oh, George ! (Shaking her head in a weak state of laughter, turns to R. and is about lo hurry out oj the room ^awards staircase R.) Quick Curtajgb, act m Scene. — The same anti furnture exactly as in Act IL (Mb. Pim is below settee L. standing in same -position as at the end of Act II. George Marden is in centre of stage and Lady Marden is at foot of staircase. Their attitude is the name as at the end of Act II, and all are concerned about Olivia's hysteria.) George. Dead ! Dead ! Pim. Oh dear ! Oh dear ! I'm afraid I broke the news rather hastily. The double thock of losing one husband and being restored to another Lady Marden (coming to George). A dispensation of Provi- dence, George. One can regard it in no other light. (Moves to R. of writing-table.) George (coming to Pim). Yes ! Yes ! Well, I'm much obliged to you, Mr. Pim, for having come down to us this afternoon, and you understand that your news, though tardy, has been very welcome. De Mortuis, and so forth. (Lady Marden crosses at back of writing-table to L.) Pim (sadly repeating). De Mortuis George (shaking hands- , i; z\ous to get rid of him). Well, good-bya* and again our thanks. (Crosses below and to l. of Pim and rings bell below fireplace.) Pim (crossing to centre). Not at all. I shouldn't have broken the news so hastily. (Catches sight of Lady Marden up L. r and with a profound bow.) Good-bye, Lady Marden. Lady Marden (equaUy profound,). Good-bye, Mr. Pim. Pim. I'm afraid I broke the news too hastily. (Goes to table R.C. and takes up George's cap in mistake for his hat and is moving towards double-doors where George, noting this, picks up Pim's hat from l. of stage where it has been left from previous Act, and crosses with it to Pim.) George. Mr. Pim, excuse me, but I think this is yours. Pem (he takes it arid looks at it closely, comparing it with the cap). This isn't my hat at all. (Puts George's cap down on table again.) 47 48 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Act ITI. No, that isn't my hat. (Takes his own hat from George.) This is my tat. Good-bye ! (Shakes hands.) Thank you so much. {Looking at cap on table.) Oh, no ! Oh, no ! (Moves nearer to door b.) Tel worthy ... I think that was the name. (Exit doors r.) (Lady Marden, annoyed at Pim's stupidity, comes down to L. of George.) George (turning to Lady Marden and with a sigh of thankfulness). Well, this is wonderful news, Aunt Julia. Lady Marden. Most providential. Well, I must be getting along now, George. Say good-bye to Olivia for me. George (crossing towards double-doors as if to open them). Good- bye, Aunt Julia. Lady Marden. No ! No f I'll "go this way — (going up to l. of writing-table) — and get Olivia out more, George. I don't like these hysterics. (Banging writing-table.) You want to be firmer with her. George. Yes ! Yes 1 Good-bye. Lady Marden (going off up l.). Good-bye. George (back again down centre and with great thankfulness). Dead ! Dead ! (Moves down to below settee l.) (Olivia enters from staircase, watching him and coming quietly to c.) George (approaching her enthusiastically). Olivia 1 Olivia I (Is about to embrace her, but she restrains him.) Olivia (drawing herself up). Mrs. Telworthy 1 George (taken aback). What? Olivia! I — I don't understand. Olivia. Well, darling, if my husband only died at Marseilles a few days ago George (scratching his head). Yes, I see — I see. Well, we can soon put that right. (Moving to i.) A registry office in London. Better go up this afternoon. We can't do these things too quickly — we can stay at an hotel. Olivia (pointedly). You and Mrs. Telworthy ! (Moves slowly round back of settee l.) (George moves to centre.) George (nonplussed). Oh — er — yes — yes — perhaps I'd better stay at my Club— yes ! It will be a bit awkward at first. (With a s*qh of relief.) However, nobody need know, and how much better than what we feared ! (Olivia comes down to below settee L.) George (advancing to embrace her). Olivia ! Olivia I (She repulses him and he crosses to her h.) Act in.] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 49 Olivia. Mrs. Telworthy 1 George. Yes — yes, I know, but why do you keep on saying it 1 What's the matter with you ? You're bo strange today. You're not like the Olivia I know. Olivia (sits on settee to b.). Perhaps you don't know me so very well, after all. George (sitting — affectionately to her l.). Oh, that's nonsense — old girl. You're just my Olivia. Now we can get married again quietly and nobody will be any the worse. Olivia. Married again ! Oh, I see, you want me to marry you at a registry office to-morrow ? George. If we can arrange it by then. (Rising and crossing below Olivia to centre.) I don't know how long these things take, but I should imagine there would be no difficulty. Olivia. Oh, no, I think that part of it ought to be quite easy.] But (She hesitates.) George. But what ? Olivia. Well, if you want to marry me to-morrow, George, oughtn't you to propose to me first ? f George (amazed). Propose ? Olivia. Yes. It is usual, isn't it, to propose to a person before you marry her I And— and we want to do the usual thing, don't we % George (upset). But you — I mean we Olivia. You are George Marden, I am Olivia Telworthy, you are attracted by me and think I would make you a good wife, and you want to marry me — very well, then, naturally you propose to me first. George (falling into the humour of it, as he thinks, and with a hearty laugh moves to helow stool l.c). The baby 1 Did she want to be proposed to all over again ? Olivia (coyly). Well, she did rather. George (rather fancying himself as an actor, he adopts what he considers to be an appropriate attitude). She shall then. Er — ah, Mrs. Telworthy, I have long admired you in silence, and the time has now come to put my admiration into words (but apparently he finds a difficulty) — er — er Olivia (looking up at him quizzically and prompting him into words ; repeating). I — I (Looking down coyly.) Oh, Mr. Marden 1 (George roars with laughter and crosses to centre.) George (returning to her). Olivia — er — may I call you Olivia t Olivia. Yes, George. (Olivia puts out her hand and George notices it.) George. I beg your pardon ! Oh, I see. (Taking her hand in his he gives it a good slap and she winces.) Olivia, I (Hesitates.) D 80 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Act HI. Olivia. I don't want to interrupt, but oughtn't you to be on your knees ? It is — usual, I believe. George. Really, Olivia, you must allow me to manage my own proposal in my own way. Olivia (meekly — and resuming her coyness). I'm scrry. Do go on. , George. Well — er — confound it, Olivia, I love you. Will you marry me ? Olivia. Thank you, George, I will think it over. George (laughing). Silly girl. (Pats her on the shoulder and crosses to R.) Well, then, to morrow morning. No wedding cake, I'm afraid, Olivia. (He laughs again and moves up centre.) But we'll go and have a good lunch somewhere. Olivia. I will think it over, George. George (good-humouredly and coming down to back of settee to her B.). Well, give me a kiss while you're thinking. Olivia. I'm afraid you mustn't kiss me until we are actually engaged. George {laughing uneasily, and sitting and leaning over on table L.c. towards Olivia). Oh, we needn't take it as seriously as all that. Olivia. But a woman must take a proposal seriously. George (a little alarmed at last). What do you mean ? Olivia. Well, what I mean is that the whole qucovioL — (with a sly look at George) — as I heard somebody say once, demands much more anxious thought than either of us has given it. These hasty marriages George (ridng and crossing at back of Olivia round settee and to L. of Olivia). Hasty ! Olivia. Well, you've only just proposed to me, and you want me to marry you to-morrow. George. Now you're talking perfect nonsense, Olivia. You know quite well that our case is utterly different from — well — from any other. Olivia. All the same, one must ask oneself questions. With a young girl like — well, with a young girl — love may well seem to be all that matters. But with a woman of my age it is different. I have to ask myself whether you can afford to support a wife. George. You know perfectly well that I can afford to support a wife as my wife should be supported. Olivia. Oh, I am glad. Then your income — you are not really worried about that at all ? George (stiffly). You know perfectly well what my income is. I see no reason for anxiety, in the future. Olivia. Ah, very well, then we needn't think about it any more. George. You know I can't make out what you're up to. (Sits to her l. on settee.) Don't you want to get married — to — er — legalize this extraordinary situation in which we are placed ? Olivia. I must consider the whole question very carefully. I Act ni.] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 51 can't just jump at the very first offer I have had since my husband died. (Ribing and crossing to centre.) George. Oh, so I'm under consideration, eh ? Olivia (moving up r.c.). Every 6uitor is. George. Oh, very well, go on ! Go on ! Olivia. Well then, there's your niece. You have a niece living with you. Of course Dinah is a delightful girl, but one doesn't like marrying into a household where there's another grown- up woman. But perhaps she will be getting married herself soon. George. I see no prospect of it. Olivia. It would make it so much easier, George, if she did. George (rising). Is this a threat, Olivia ? (Crossing up to Olivia.) Are you telling me that if I do not allow young Strange to marry Dinah, you will not marry me ? Olivia. A threat ? Oh, no, George. But I was just wondering if you love me as much as Brian loves Dinah. You do love me? George (from his heart). Of course I do, old girl. Olivia. You're sure it's not just my pretty face that attracts you. Love which is based upon mere outward appearances cannot result in lasting happiness — as one of our thinkers has observed. (Moving down to settee R.) George. Why should you doubt my love ? You can't pretend that we haven't been happy together. (Olivia sits on settee r.) I've — (taking a chair from L. of table R.c. brings it down to L. of Olivia) — I've been a good pal to you, eh ? We — we suit each other, old girl. Olivia. Do we ? George (sitting). Well, of course we do. Olivia. I wonder. When two people of our age think of getting married, one wants to be quite sure that there is real community of ideas between them. Supposing that after we have been married some years we found ourselves getting estranged from each other upon such questions as Dinah's future, or the comparatively trivial matter like the right colour for a curtain, or the advice to be given to a friend who had innocently contracted a bigamous marriage. Think how bitterly we should regret our hasty plunge into a matri- mony which was no true partnership, whether of tastes or ideas or even of consciences. (With a sigh.) Ah me 1 George (turning to her quickly). Unfortunately for your argu- ment, Olivia, I can answer you out of your own mouth. You Beem to have — (laughing) — forgotten what you said this morning in the case of — er — young Strange. Olivia (with exaggerated reproach) . Oh, but is it quite fair, George, to drag up what was said this morning f George (enjoying his apparent success). Ha ha I You've brought it on yourself. D* 62 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Act EEL] Olivia. I ? . . . Well, and what did I say this morning ? George. You said that it was quite enough that Strange was a gentleman and in love with Dinah for me to let them marry each other. Olivia. Oh ! But is that enough, George ? George (triumphantly). Well, you said so. Olivia (meekly). Well, George, if you think so too, I'm quite willing to risk it. George (kindly, rising and putting back chair up r.c). Ha ha, my dear ! You see ! Olivia. Then you do think it's enough ? George. I — er — yes, yes, I — I think so. Olivia (rising and going to him and putting her hands on his shoulders). My darling one 1 How jolly I Then we can have a double wedding. George (astonished). A double one I Olivia. Yes, you and me, Brian and Dinah. George (firmly, and taking her hands from his shoulders). Now look here, Olivia, understand once and for all, I am not to be black- mailed into giving my consent to Dinah's engagement. Neither blackmailed nor tricked.. (Crossing to l. below settee.) Our marriage has nothing whatever to do with Dinah's. Olivia. No, dear, I quite understand. They may take place about the same time, but they have nothing whatever to do with each other. George (sits on foot of table l.c). I see no prospect of Dinah's marriage taking place for many years. Olivia. No, dear, that was what I said. George (not understanding for the moment). You said 1 I see. (Turning and facing her.) Now look here, Olivia, let us have this perfectly clear. You apparently insist on treating my— ex — proposal as serious. Olivia (mock surprise). But isn't it ? Have you been trifling with me ? George. You know perfectly well what I mean. You treat it as an ordinary proposal for a man to a woman who have never been anything to each other before. Very well then, will you kindly tell me what you propose to do if you decide to — ah — accept me ? You do not suggest that we should go on living together — unmarried ? Olivia (shocked). Of course not, George ! ! What would — (pausing for additional explanation) — the County — I mean Heaven — I mean the Law — I mean — of course not. Besides, it's so unnecessary. If I decide to accept you, of course I shall marry you. GeorGS. Quite so. And if you — ah — decide to refuse me, what will you do ? Olivia. Nothing. George. Meaning by that ! Olivia, Just that, George. I shall stay here — just as before. Act DX] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 63 (George rises and approaches her, about to expostulate.) I like this house. (Crossing below George, looking about the room to below settee l.) It wants a little redecorating, but I do like it, George. . . Yes, I shall be perfectly happy here I (Sits on settee.) George. I see. You will continue to live down here — in spite of what you said just now about the — the immorality of it. Olivia (surprised). But what is there immoral in a widow living alone in a big country house — with perhaps the niece of a dear friend of hers — staying with her to keep her company. George (sarcastic). Oh, and pray what shall I be doing when you've so very kindly taken possession of my house for me ? Olivia. You ! Oh, I can't think ! Travelling, I expect. George (indignant and advancing to her). Thank you I And ■uppose I refuse to be turned out of my own house ? Olivia. Then, seeing that we can't both be in it, it looks as though you'd have to turn me out. (To herself.) There must be legal ways of doing these things. You'd have to consult your solicitor again. George. Legal ways ? Olivia. Well, you couldn't just throw me out, could you t You'd have to get an injunction against me (George, very annoyed, turns away.) —or prosecute me for trespass — or something. Of course I shouldn't go if I could help it, I like the house so much. ... It would make an awfully unusual case, wouldn't it ? The papers would be full of it. George. The papers ? Olivia (calling as paper boy). Extra special 1 Widow of well- known ex-convict takes possession of J.P.'s house ! Special I Special ! George (angrily). I've had enough of this. (Coming to table L.c. and speaking across.) Do you mean all this nonsense ? Olivia. Well, what I do mean is, that I am in no hurry to go up to London and get married. I love the country just now, and — (with a sigh) — after this morning, I'm — rather tired of husbands. George (in a rage). I've never heard so much — damned (bangs table) . . . nonsense in my life. I will leave you to come back to your senses. (He goes out, up staircase up r.) (Olivia rises and crosses to centre, watching George off. She kisses her hands to him, then turning to L. sees curtains and work-box and extending her arms in ecstasy goes to cabinet, takes them up and comes down l. Olivia sits on settee with curtains in her lap and places the work-box to her L. on settee, and as she does so Mr. 64 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Aon ITL Pim enters from up R. through windows and coming to B. of writing' table taps it with his umbrella to attract, Oliyia'3 attention. Sheturns and sees him. He looks nervoudy round at staircase R. fearing the return of George.) Pim (in a whisper). Er — may I come in, Mrs. Mardenf Olivia (in surprise). Mr. Pim ! Pim (anxiously and again looking round at staircase). Mr. Marden is — er — not here ? Olivia (getting up). No ! Do you want to see Mm ? I will > Pim (another look round at stair and moving down centre). No, no, no ! Not for the world. There is no immediate danger of his returning, Mrs. Marden ? Olivia (surprised). No, I don't think so, Mr. Pim, (Puts down curtains). But . . . what is it ? You • Pim. I took the liberty of return i ng by the window in the hope of finding you alone. Olivia (sitting again). Yes ? Pim (still rather nervous and thro-winy up Ms arms in distress). Mr. Marden will be so angry with me, and very rightly. Oh, I blame myself. I blame myself entirely. T don't know how I can have been so stupid. (Sits on stool L.c. very concerned). Olivia. What is it, Mr. Pim ? My first husband hasn't come to life again, has he 1 Pim. No ! No ! No ! (Looking round to r. and speaking very mysteriously across table L.c.) The fact is — his name was Polwittle. Olivia (at a loss). Whose ? My husband's \ Pim. Yes, yes. Henry Polwittle, poor fellow. Olivia. But my husband's name was Telworthy. Pm. No ! Oh dear, no ! Polwittle. [firmly.) It came back to me suddenly just as I reached the gate — Henry Polwittle, poor fellow. Olivia. But really, Mr. Pim, I ought to know. Ptm. No ! No ! Polwittle. Olivia. But who is Polwittle ? PtM (in surprise at her stupidity). The man I told you about, who met with the sad fatality at Marseilles. Henry Polwittle. . . . (With hand on chin, thinking deeply.) Or was it Ernest ? No ! Henry Polwittle, poor fellow. Olivia (indignantly). But, Mr. Pim, you said his name waa Telworthy. How could you ? Pim. Oh, I blame myself, I blame myself entirely. Olivia. But how could you think of a name like Telworthy tt It wasn't Telworthy ? Pim (eagerly). Ah, ah, that is the really interesting thing about the whole matter. Olivia (reproachfully). Yes, Mr. Pim, all your visits here to-day have been very interesting. Act m.] MB. PBI PASSES BY. 68 Pun. Oh, very interesting, very interesting. You see, Mrs. Marden, when I made my first appearance here this morning I was received by — Miss Diana, who Olivia. Dinah 1 Pim. I beg your pardon ? Olivia. Dinah. Her name is Dinah ! Pim (pauses). You're quite right. Dinah — oh yes. Miss Dinah, yes. She was in — er — rather a communicative mood, and I suppose by way of passing the time she mentioned that before your marriage — to Mr. Marden you had been a Mrs. — er Olivia. Telworthy. Pim. Telworthy, yes, of course. She also mentioned Australia. Now by some curious process of the brain — which strikes me as decidedly curious — when I was trying to recollect — the name of the poor fellow on the boat, whom you will remember I had also met in Australia, the fact that this other name was also stored in my memory, a name equally peculiar — this fact I say Olivia (seeing that the sentence is rapidly going to pieces). Yes, I quite understand. Pim. I blame myself, I blame myself entirely. Olivia. Oh, you mustn't do that, Mr. Pim. Pim. Oh, but, Mrs. Marden, can you forgive me for the needless distress I have caused you to-day ? Olivia. Oh, you mustn't worry about that. — please. Pim. And you will tell your husband — you'll break the news to him ? Olivia (amazed). Oh, yes ! I'll break the news to him. Pim (rising and holding out his hand). Well then, I think before he comes back I will say good-bye and — er Olivia (rising). Just a moment, Mr. Pim. Let us have it quite clear this time. You never knew my husband Jacob Telworthy ? Pim. No! Olivia. You never met him in Australia t Pim. No ! Olivia. You never saw him on the boat! Pim. No ! Olivia. And nothing whatever happened to him at Mar- seilles ? Pim. No ! Olivia. Is that right? Pim (hesitating and thinking it out very deeply). I think so. Olivia. Very well, then, since his death was announced in Australia six years ago, he is presumably still dead ? Pim. Undoubtedly. Olivia (holding out her hand with a charming smile). Then good-bye, Mr. Pim, and thank you so much for — for all your trouble. 66 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Act ILT. Pim. Not at all, Mrs. Harden. I blame myself, I blame myself entirely. Olivia. Oh ! you mustn't do that. (Going up centre Pim meets Dinah, who enters from the window up L., crosses at back of writing-table and comes down, R. of him.) (Dinah is followed by Brian, who is on her R.) Dinah. Hullo, there's Mr. Pim. (To Brian.) Pim (nervously looking at the door in case Mr. Marden should come in). Yes, yes, I — er Dinah. Oh, Mr. Pim, you mustn't run away without even saying how-do-you-do ! Are you staying to tea ? Pim (looking off at staircase nervously). I'm afraid I Olivia. Mr. Pim has to hurry away, Dinah. You mustn't keep him. Dinah. Well, but you'll come back again ? Pm. I fear that I am only a passer-by, Miss — er — Dinah. Olivia. You can take Mr. Pim as far as the gate. Pim (gratefully to Olivia). Thank you. (With nervous look at staircase R., he edges towards the windows.) If you would be bo kind, Miss Dinah Dinah (taking his arm). Come along then, Mr. Pim. Brian. I'll catch you up. , Dinah (taking him up l.). I want to hear all about your first wife. Pm. Oh, but I haven't got a first wife. Dinah. You haven't really told me anything yet. (They go off up L.) Brian. I'll catch you up. (Olivia resumes her work, and Brian crosses down to foot of table l.o., and sits on it.) Brian (awkwardly). I just wanted to say, if you don't think it cheek, that I'm — I'm on your side, if I may be and if I can help you at all, I shall be very proud of being allowed to. Olivia (looking up at him and taking his hand). Brian, you dear, that's sweet of you. But it's quite all right now, you know. Brian. What ? Olivia. Yes, that's what Mr. Pim came back to say. He'd made a mistake about the name Brian (rising). Good Lord ! (Backing c.) Olivia (smiling). George is the only husband I have. Brian (surprised). What ? You mean that the whole thing that Pim Olivia (repeating). The whole thing. Brian (crossing up to window B. and shouting off to L. and with conviction). Silly ass 1 Act m.] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 57 Olivia (kindly). Oh, no, no, I'm sure he didn't mean to be. (After a pause.) Brian, do you know anything about the law ? Brian {corning down a). The law ? I'm afraid not. I hate the law. Why ? (Sits at foot of table l.c.) Olivia. Well, I was just wondering. Suppose that George and I had accidentally married each other a second time thinking that the first marriage wasn't quite right, and then we found the first marriage was all right — well Brian. What on earth do you mean ? Olivia. Well, what I mean is that there's nothing wrong b marrying the same person twice ? Brian (rising and moving to centre, thinking it out). Oh, no. A hundred times if you like, I should think. Olivia. Oh ! Brian. After all, in France they always go through it twice, don't they ? Once before the Mayor or somebody, and once in church. Olivia. Of course they do ! How silly of me. You know, that's a very good idea. They ought to do that more in England. Brian. Well, once will be enough for Dinah and me, if you can work it. (Anxiously.) D'you think there's any chance, Olivia ? Olivia (smiling). Every chance, dear. Brian (coming to above table l.c). I say, do you really ! Have 70U squared him ? I mean has he (George is heard humming the tune of " Pop goes the weasel " off r.) Olivia. You go and catch them up now. We'll talk about it later on. Brian. Bless you. Right-o I (Going up L. and off up L.) (As he goes out by the windows, George comes in at the doors r. George stands r.c, and then turns to Olivia, who it- absorbed in her curtain. He walks up and down the room, fidgeting with things, waiting for her to speak. As she says nothing, he begins to talk himself, but in an obviously unconcerned way. There is a pause after each answer of hers, before he gets out his next remark.) George (casually). Good-looking fellow, Strange. What ? Olivia (equally casually). Brian, yes, isn't he % And such a nice boy. George. Yes, yes ! (Catching sight of curtain she is sewing. Hums the tune of " Pop goes the weasel " — crossing down r. to piano, plays a few notes of Pop goes the weasel " with one finger.) Got fifty pounds for a picture the other day, didn't he ? (Moving up stage a little.) Olivia. Ah, yes 1 Of course he has only just begu n 68 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Ao* IH. Georob. The critics think well of him. (Slight pause.) What ? (Up C. by chair front of writing-table.) Olivia. They all say he has genius. Oh, I don't think there's any doubt about it. (Pause.) (George left of writing-table.) George. No, no ! (Slight pause, and he sings again.) Of course I don't profess to know anything about painting, myself. Olivia. You've never had time to take it up, dear. George (coming down l. a little.) No ! No ! Of course I know what I like. Can't say I see much in this new-fangled stuff. If a man can paint, why can't he paint like — like Rubens, or — or Reynolds, or Olivia. I suppose we all have our own styles. Brian will be finding his, directly. Of course, he's only just beginning. (Pause.) George (crossing up centre). Yes, yes. But the critics think a lot of him, what ? Olivia. Oh, yes. George. Yes 1 H'm ! (Pause.) Good-looking fellow. (There is rather a longer silence this time. George coming round back of settee l. continues to hope that he is appearing casual and unconcerned — he stands looking at Olivia's work for a moment.) George (down l.). Nearly finished 'em ? Olivia. Very nearly. (Smiling to herself, turns away to B., pretending to look for scissors.) Have you seen my scissors any- where ? George (looking round). Scissors ? Olivia (turns to l. and finds them in her work-box). It's all right, here they are George (down l. below chair facing Olivia). Where are you thinking of hanging 'em ? Olivia (as if really wondering). I don't quite know. ... I had thought of this room, but — I'm not quite sure. George (crossing below Olivia to centre). Ah 1 Yes ! Brighten the room up a bit. Olivia. Yes. George (walking up centre a little towards windows). H'm, yes— — They are a bit faded. ' Olivia (shaking out hers, and looking at them critically). You know, sometimes I think I love them, and sometimes I'm not quite sure. George. Best way is to hang 'em up and see how you like 'em. Always take 'em down again. Olivia. Oh, that's a good idea, George. George. Best way. Act m.] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 69 Olivia. Yes. ... I think we might try that — (looking round at settee and carpets, etc.) — the only thing is (She hesi- tates.) George. What ? Olivia. Well, the carpets and the chair-covers and the cushions and things George. Well, what about 'em ? Olivia. Well, if we had new curtains George. You'd want a new carpet, eh ? Olivia (doubtfully). Well, new chair-covers, anyhow, George. H'm ! . . . Well, why not ? Olivia. Oh, but George (with an awkward laugh). We're not so hard up as all that, you know. Olivia (quickly). No, I don't suppose we are really — — George. No, no, no, yes — I mean no. Olivia (thoughtfully). I suppose it would mean that I should have to go up to Loudon to choose them. You know, that's rather a nuisance. George (extremely casta wing towards Olivia). Oh, I don't know. We might go up together one day. Olivia. Well, of course if we were up — for anything else George (moving away dubioudy). Yes, yes ! That's what I meant. (There is another silence. George is wordrri g whether to come to closer quarters with the greet quc.tion.) Olivia. Oh, by the way, George George. Yes ? Olivia (innocently). I told Brian, and of course he'll tell Dinah, that Mr. Pirn had made a mistake about the name. George (astonished, moving towards Olivia). Mistake about tlie name ? Olivia. Yes — I told Brian that the whole thing was a mistake, I thought that was the simplest way. George. Olivia — (cro>'i< g below and to her l.) — then you meaa that Brian and Dinah think that — that we have been married ali the time ? Olivia. Yea. George (coming closer to her). Olivia, does that mean that you are thinking of marrying me ? Olivia. At your old registry office I George (eagerly). Yes I Olivia. To-morrow ? George. Yes. Olivia. Do you want me to very much t George. My darling, you know I do. Olivia. We should have to keep it very quiet, George. 60 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Act m. George. Well, of course — (sitting to her l.) — nobody need know. We don't want anybody to know. And now tbat you've put Brian and Dinah off tbe scent by telling them that — (he breaks off and says admiringly) — that was very clever of you, Olivia. I should never have thought of that. Olivia (innocently). George — you don't think it was wrong, do you ? George (his verdict, talcing her hands < nd patting them). An innocent deception . . . perfectly harmless. Olivia. Yes, dear, that was what I thought about — about — (laughing to herself) what I was doing. George. Then you will come up to London to-morrow % (She nods.) And if we should see a carpet or anything else we want Olivia. Oh, George I George (beaming, rising and backing away to L. a little). And lunch at the Carlton, what ? Olivia (nodding eagerly). Oh! George. And — and a bit of a honeymoon in Paris 1 Olivia. Oh, what fun ! George (hungrily). Give me a kiss, old girL Olivia (lovingly). George I (She holds up her cheek to him. He kisses it, and then suddenly takes her in his arms.) George. Don't ever leave me, old girl. Olivia (affectionately). Don't ever send me away, old boy. George (fervently). I won't. (Awkwardly.) I — I don't think I should have really, you know. I — I (Dinah enters from up l. and crosses at back of writing-table and round down r. Brian follows her.) Dinah (seeing the embrace, surprised). Oo — I say I (George looks and feels rather a fool.) George. Hallo I (Olivia sits, resumes sewing.) Dinah (coming down centre and going below settee L., impetuously to him). Give me one, too, George. Brian won't mind. George (formally, but enjoying it). Do you mind, Mr. Strange ! Brian (a little uncomfortable). Oh, I say, sir George. We'll risk it, Dinah. (He kisses her.) Dinah (triumphantly to Brian and standing above George). Did you notice that one 1 That wasn't just an ordinary affectionate Act ni.] MR PIM PASSES BY. 61 kiss. That was a special " bless you my children " one. (To oe.) Wasn't it? Olivia. You do talk nonsense, darling. Dinah (crossing quickly below and to r. of Brian). Well, I'm so happy now that Pirn has relented about your first husband (George caicues Olivia's eye and smiles ; she smiles back ; but they are different smiles.) George (the actor). Yes, yes, stupid fellow, Pirn, what? Brian. Yes. Absolute idiot, I think ! Dinah. And now that George has relented about — (with a significant look at Brian) — my first husband George. Here, you get on much too quickly. (Crossing below Olivia to Brian.) So you want to marry my Dinah, eh ? Brian (with a smile). Well, I do rather, sir. George (to Brian). Well, you'd better have a talk with me about it — er — (with a sly look at Olivia) — Brian. Brian. Thank you very much, sir. (George goes up and Brian, imitating his walk, accompanies him.) George. Well, come along then. (Brian looks at his watch.) I am going up to town after tea, so we'd better Dinah (moving up to r. of Brian). I say, are you going to London ? George (with a sly look at Olivia). Yes, a little business. Dinah (cheekily). Eh ? George. Never you mind, young woman. (To Brian.) Como along, we'll stroll down and look at the pigs. Brian. Right-o 1 (They are going off to l. when Olivia calls.) Olivia. George, don't go too far away ; I may want you. George. All right 1 I'll be out on the terrace. Give me a shout If you want me. (George and Brian go off at windows up l.) (Dinah follows up r. and watches them off.) Dinah (watching them off). Brian and George always discuss mo in front of the pigs. So tactless of them. I say, are you going to London, too, darling ? (Coming down to table l.c.) Olivia. To-morrow (Rising and shaking out curtains.) Dinah. What are you going to do in London ? Olivia. Oh, shopping and — one or two little things. Dinah. With George ? Olivia. Yes. (Crossing up centre below Dinah with curtains.) 02 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Acw IIL Dinah (sits on table L.c). I say, wasn't it lovely about Pirn! Olivia. Lovely ? Dinah. Yes, he told me all about it. Making such a hash of things, I mean. Olivia (innocently). Did he make a hash of things ? Dinah. Well, I mean keeping on coming like that. And if you look at it all round — well, for all he had to say, he needn't have come at all. Olivia. Well, I don't think I should put it quite like that, Dinah. Dinah (referring to curtains). I say, aren't they jolly ? Olivia. I'm so glad everybody likes them. Tell George I'm ready, dear. Dinah. I say, is he going to put them up for you ? Olivia. Well, I thought perhaps he could reach better. Dinah. All right, I'll tell him. (Crossing up l. on to terrace and calling off.) George ! (Returning to back l. end of writing-table.) Brian is just telling George about the five shillings he has in the Post Office — (crossing up l. on to terrace again and calling off.) George 1 1 George (from off l.). Coming ! Dinah (playfully coming down centre, imitating a fairy's footsteps). Slow music while the curtains go up. (Sits at piano and plays " As I passed by your Window") (George enters from up l., followed by Brian.) George (to Olivia). What is it, darling ? Olivia. I wish you'd help me to put up these curtains t George. Of course, dear. I'd better get the library steps. (Crosses to doors r. and exits.) (Brian goes quickly to Olivia and gratefully kisses her hand, then comes down to Dinah and bows to her.) Brian. Madam ! I have the honour to inform you that hence- forward you are at liberty to regard me as your affianced husband. Dinah (rising quickly and advancing). Darling ! Brian (waving her back). No ! No 1 Stay there 1 (She retreats and sits at piano.) Go on playing. (Dinah goes on playing and he takes out a sketch-book, sits on settee and sketches her.) Dinah. What is it ? (Olivia comes down centre, watching them.) Brian. Portrait of Lady Strange. (George enters from doors r. with steps and crossing up r. places them near r. window.) Olivia (*&s hands him the curtains and goes up l. of writing- ilable and round back, watching George). Are you read dear t Aor in.] MR. PDI PASSES BY. 63 George (mounting the steps). Yes, quite ready. Olivia. There ! (The curtains become entangled and "he nearly falls.) Oh, take care, dear ! George (again mounting steps). Oh, that's all right, dear. They're a little long. (The curtains become entangled round his head.) (Mr. Pdi enters mysteriously from up l.) (Olivia is looking up at George.) (Pim touches her on the shoulder end with a start she turns to him. Dinah seeing him enter stops playing. Olivia, unwilling to attract George's attention, signals to Dinah to continue playing, and she does so.) Pim. Mrs. Marden 1 I had to come back — I've just remembered his name was Ernest Polwittle — not Henry ( (Going off wp l.) Not Henry 1 (Dinah plays forte.) Quick. Curtaes, *9 SCENE PLOT Oat panelled chamber, with deep decorative frieze. Ceiling cloth, painted with carved oak beams. Fireplace. — Large open stone fireplace decorated all over with fluting* and carved stone. Doors. — Heavy oak doors down r. to open off. Windows. — C. windows (French windows) opening on stage from terrace. Stairs. — Stairs up back b. with carved balustrade. Transparent windows stained glass at top of stairway. Back cloth. — Painted garden and terrace with stone seat o. PROPERTY PLOT ACT I Stage cloth down. — Parquette stage cloth with marble pavement piece attached at back for terrace. Persian carpet laid up and down B. Pers%an carpet laid up and down L. Settee set across down L. (Jacobean settee upholstered in tapestry). On seHee h. Two tapestry cushions. Occasional Jacobean table to B. of settee down L. Stool. — Upholstered in rose r. of table. Semi-grand piano, with keyboard down stage, down b. below double doors. On piano. — Dinah's musical instrument. Silk pink brocade piano cover. Photo of Olivia in frame. Photo of George Marden in frame. Photo of Dinah in frame. Photo of Brian in frame. E.P. mirror. Blue china bowl containing flowers. Quantity of music. Occasional Jacobean chair. — Below piano. Settee (small Queen Anne cane-backed) upholstered in tapestry set up and down stage against and to L. of piano. Cushion — dark gold brocade — on settee. Table (occasional Jacobean) above settee to L. of piano. On table. — Illustrated papers. Rose-coloured piece of brocade. Chair (occasional Jacobean with rose-coloured squab) L. of occasional table above settee. Sideboard (Jacobean) up R. against back wall. On sideboard. — Metal bowl (with flowers). Match stand. Matches (safety). Ash tray. Tobacco jar filled. George's pipe filled. Photo in frame. Cigarette box (with cigarettes). Vase lamp with shade. 6f 66 MR. PIM PASSES BY. Arm-chair (Jacobean with rose-coloured squab). — L. of sideboard facing out of windows. Curtains. — Pair of rose-coloured corduroy curtains with tie backs for centre windows. Single rose-coloured corduroy curtain for archway up b. hung on up stage side of arch. Stairs. — Painted canvas staircloth. Brass stair rods. Occasional chair (Jacobean with rose-coloured squab). — L. of windows and against back wall. Table (occasional Jacobean). — Up L. against back wall. On table. — Metal bowl containing pink azalea plant in pot. Writing-table. — In front and below c. windows (leather topped). On writing-table. — Specimen glass with flowers. Writing materials. Matches in stand. Ash tray. Paper and pen rack. Small bookcase. Arm-cliaii (Jacobean) below writing-table O. Large cabinet (Jacobean Court cupboard) with three cupboard doors and oil short legs — up L. against L. wall above fireplace. In cupboard. — Very pronounced yellow and black curtains with webbing arranged for Olivia to stitch on rings. Work-box for Olivia containing needles, thread, quantity of rings, scissors. On top of cupboard. — Metal bowl with palm in pot. Pair of scissors (extra as an emergency for Brian's business). Large glass with flowers. Waste-paper basket. — To l. of writing-table. Fireplace (l.). — Brass dogs and antique fire tongs. Combined brass switch and bell pushes on wall down L. below fireplace. Brass spill-box above bell pushes on wall L. below fireplace. Table (small Jacobean round cane topped) in angle of fireplace and wall down l. below fireplace. On table. — Match stand and matches (safety). Ash tray. Arm-chair (Jacobean with rose-coloured squab) down L. and to E. of circular table L. facing up stage. Pictures on walls. — Picture in gold frame on wall down B. Picture in gold frame on wall above double doors a Picture in gold frame B. of b. wall at back. Picture in gold frame L. of B. wall at back. Picture in gold frame B. of l. back wall. Picture in gold frame L. of L. back wall. Hand Pbopebtik3. Off B. — Card salver and card for Anne. Letter in envelope unstamped on salver. Letter in envelope stamped for Mr. Pirn. Letter in envelope not stamped for George Marden. Gentleman's visiting oard (Mr. Garraway Pirn) for Qebrgt Marden. ACT n Same Scene and ProptrtitM. Dinah's small guitar on piano. **. (Z light green canvas camp chain. £*^ on •] 2 green and white striped camp chairs. Terrace ^p i ( jj n g oam p table with green baize top* Curtains refolded and placed in cupboard Left. MR. PIM PASSES BY. 67 Hand Properties. {Large double handled E.P. tray. 6 coffee cups (coloured for coffee) and saucers. 5 coffee spoons. Sugar basin with sugar. Small hunting crop for Lady Harden. Thick leather gloves for Lady Harden. Cigarette case for Brian. ACT m Same Set and Furniture as Act H. Off b. — Pair of short library steps (for Georje Harden). ELECTRIC PLOT Chandelier (o.). — Jacobean bronze 6-light chandelier hanging centre ffOt lighted. Brackets on walls. One on wall down L. One each side of back wall between windows and staircase a. One each side of back wall between windows and wall l. All above pictures, not lighted. Fire in fireplace, not lighted. Lengths. — Length in stairway, amber and white. Length in entrance by double door down E» Foots. — Amber and white. Battens. — Ceiling batten, amber and white. No. 5 batten, amber and white. 4r«-2 perch arcs o.p.1^^ amber and f^ 2 perch arcs p.s. ) ° No. 1 o.p. flood stage down L.O. No. 2 o.p. on settee down r. No. 1 p.s. on settee l. No. 2 p.s. on stool and flood 0. Flood Arcs. — Two flood arcs on back cloth L. and R. Flood arc on transparency windows above stairs R. Focus arc through windows c, l. of windows of writing-table and dooa down r. into room. Sunlight effect. To open — All lights full up and remain for Acta L II and Hi, NOT SO LONG AGO Comedy in a Prologue, 3 acts, and Epilogue. By Arthur Richman. 5 males, 7 females. 2 interiors, 1 exterior. Costumes, 1876. Plays a full evening. Arthur Richman has constructed his play around the Cinderella legend The playwright has shown great wisdom in his choice of material, for he has cleverly crossed the Cinderella theme with a strain of Romeo and Juliet. Mr. Richman places his young lovers in the picturesque New York of forty years ago This time Cinderella is a seamstress in the home of a social climber, who may have been the first of her kind, though we doubt it. She is interested sentimentally in the son of this house. Her father, learning of her infatuation for the young man without learning also that it is imaginary on the young girl's part, starts out to discover his intentions. He is a poor inventor, rne mother of the youth, ambitious chiefly for her children, shud- ders at the thought of marriage for her son with a sewing-girl. But the Prince contrives to put the slipper on the right foot and the end is happiness. The play is quaint and agreeable and the three acts are rich in the charm of love and youth. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) P rice > 75 Cents - THE LOTTERY MAN Comedy in 3 acts, by Eida Johnson Young. 4 males, 8 females. 3 easy interiors. Costumes, modern. Plays 2*4 hours. In "The Lottery Man" Rida Johnson Young has seized upon a custom of some newspapers to increase their circulation by clever schemes. Mrs. Young has made the central figure in her famous comedy a newspaper reporter, Jack Wright. Wright owes his employer money, and he agrees to turn in one of the most eensational scoops the paper has ever known. His idea is to conduct a lottery, with himself as the prize. The lottery is an- nounced. Thousands of old maids huy coupons. Meantime Wright falls in love with a charming girl. Naturally he fears that he may be won by someone else and starts to get as many tickets as "his limited means will permit. Finally the last day is an- nounced. The winning number is 1323, and is held by Lizzie, an old maid, in the household of the newspaper owner. Lizzie refuses to give up. It is discovered, however, that she has stolen the ticket. With this clue, the reporter threatens her with arrest. Of course the coupon is surrendered and Wright gets the girl of his choice. Produced at the Bijou Theater, New York, wita great success. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents. SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City Our Now Catalogue Will Be Sent ou Receipt of Five Cenla. KICK IN Flay in 4 acts. By Willard Mack. 7 males, 5 females. 2 interiors. Modern costumes. Plays 2*4 hours. "Kick In" is the latest of the very few available mystery plays. Like "Within the Law," "Seven Keys to Baldpate," "The Thirteenth Chair," and "In the Next Room," it is one of those thrillers which are accurately described as "not having a dull moment in it from beginning to end." It is a play with all the ingredients of popularity, not at all difficult to set or to act ; the plot carries it along, and the situations are built with that skill and knowledge of the theatre for which Willard Mack is known. An ideal mystery melodrama, for high schools and colleges. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents. TILLY OF BLOOMSBURY (' ' Happy-Go-Lucky. ") A comedy in 3 acts. By Ian Hay. 9 males, 7 females. 2 interior scenes. Modern dress. Plays a full evening. Into an aristocratic family comes Tilly, lovable and youthful, with ideas and manners which greatly upset the circle. Tilly is so frankly honest that she makes no secret of her tre- mendous affection for the young son of the family; fhis brings her into many difficulties. But her troubles have a joyous end in charmingly blended scenes of sentiment and humor. This comedy presents an opportunity for fine acting, handsome stage settings, and beautiful costuming. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents. BILLY Farce-comedy in 3 acts. By George Cameron. 10 males, 5 females. (A few minor male parts can be doubled, mak- ing the cast 7 males, 5 females.) 1 exterior. Costumes, modern. Plays 2 1 /± hours. The action of the play takes place on the S. S. "Florida," bound for Havana. The story has to do with the disappearance of a set of false teeth, which creates endless complications among passengers and crew, and furnishes two and a quarter hours of the heartiest laughter. One of the funniest comedies produced in the last dozen years on the American stage is "Billy" (some- times called "Billy's Tombstones"), in which the late Sidney Drew achieved a hit in New York and later toured the country several times. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents. SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New Tork City Ow New Catalogue Will Be Sent on Uee