-:7. A COLLEGE DRAMA IN ;PS 635 i-Z9 THREE ACTS, H148 I Copy 1 ENTITLED An Episode in College Life. BY CHARLES F. HAHN, Member of the Class of '81, of Madison University. Entered according to Act of Congress^ in the year 1881, <5j/ Chas. F. Hahn, in the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. UTICA, N. Y. Press of Curtiss & Childs, 167 Genesee Street. 1881. A COLLEGE DRAMA IN THEEE ACTS, ENTITLED An Episode in College Life. BY CHARLES F. HAHN, Member of the Class of '81, of Madison University. Entered according to Act of Cofigress^ 171 the year 1881, ^_y Chas. F. Hahn, z"?^ the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. ^' ..0%^ ■s/ UTICA, N. V. Press of Curtiss & Childs, 167 Genesee Street. ibbi. /j^ r PERSONS. G. W. Smith, Junior, West, 1st Senior, Wordsworth, 2d Peter Wunderbank, Prex., Scott, Fresh- men, Professor, Crocker, 1st Towny, Philemon, 2d 1st Freshman, 3d 2d Lucy, 8d Kate, Jones, Maud, McNab, ^ 8opho~ ^ mores. Students, Townies, Ghosts, Fanshaw, Janitor, Maid, &c. AN EPISODE IN COLLEGE LIFE. ACT I. Scene I. — Glass room. Sound of hell. Scuffling of feet. Rush of Freshmen into the room. Some take seats, others stand. Uproar and noise. Song. SMiTH.^-The next will be a beautiful and lone Duet by Peter Wunderbank. West. — Give place To Germany ! All. — A song from Germany ! Peter. — All right ! I sing you such duets my boys, Dat all the people say to me, let him Duet again ! Let him duet again ! {Song by Peter, followed hy confusion.) Enter Prex. Pbex. — Young gentlemen, gymnasium's over there ! {To Scott.) Take off your hat ! {Exeunt.) WoKDS.— Now furl our sail and down our helms, After the gale let fall the calms. {They sit down.) Scott. — What an imposing man he is ! Quaked, quelched, And quieted by but a look ! 'Tis clear That Prexy's lord of wind and wave, and when He speaks, then this diminutive, and this Tumultuous sea of ours is quieted. Smith. — It well befits his station. We would laugh At less a man. But let imposing men Beware of imposition ! They remain Imposing longer. West. — Nay I saw him smile And look good natured as he went from here. Smith. — Oh, he's all right ! A frown and smile is far The better than a smile and darker frown. Say, none of us are hurt, are we ? By Jove ! We've nearly got a run ! Several. — Who kept the time ? Smith. — A minute more ! 4 Crocker. — ' A minate and a half ! 1st Fr. — No ! Smith is right ! Oh squeeze that minute boy ! 2d Fr—Cxit off its tail ! {Exit.) M Fr.— Retail it longer ! Make It wag over ! , Words. — Oh time where are thy wings, oh hurry ! We're in a devil of a flurry ! West. — Here's wanted time ! Millions for a hair's breadth ! Peter. — A segond ! Mein good Livy for a segond ! ( Throws up hook. ) {Be- Enter 2d Fr.) 1st FY. — Prof, is at the bottom- of the stairs ! Smith. — Time's up ! Crocker. — A half a minute more ! AIL — {Rushing out except Crocker and Philemon.) A run! {Enter Prof, wiping his forehead.) Prof. — What meaneth this, Crocker ? Crocker.— ' The boys have run ! Prof. — {Consulting watch.) I'm just on time ! Crocker. — Just as I think and said. Prof.— We'll see to this ! I did not run a half A mile to be run on for nothing now ! {Exeunt all.) Curtain. Scene II. — Campus. {Enter Freshmen singing.) Smith. — Ah, there they come, three kindred spirits Now cemented fast by falsely born esteem ! You set it down, there's just as great a mass Of pious fraud, as piety genuine In these our days. I say, a man who will Not run on grounds of pure Theology, Is running his Theology into The ground. Scott. — And Crocker thinks that Prof, will mark Him better now. Ist Fr. — But I have got within My head an idea, that even Profs. Despise such men. {Enter Prof., Crocker and Phil.) Prof. — Now gentlemen I wish To know what all this means ! West. — We took a run Professor, and we're celebrating now. Prop. — I was on time as tliese two men avow. Smith. — We ran upon the second, didn't we boys ? All. — Yes, sirree ! Crocker. — Not by seconds tbirty-three ! Prof. — You hear what Crocker said, and now denies ? 3(^ Ft. — We hear a dastard speak, and say he lies I Prof. — I'm sorry gentlemen to disbelieve You; for 1 cannot think but you are wrong. And this is insubordination pure. Therefore, I ask you to return at once Before I seek more stern support. Respect Not me. but do at least respect yourselves. 1st Fr. — We have respected you, and now if we Retract, we'll never more respect ourselves. All. — No never more, sir ! Prof. — Well, sirs, I shall call You gentlemen no more, while thus you act. Nor will I longer speak with you ; but one Thing sure, full reparation shall be made. {Exeunt, with Cr. and Phil.) Peter. — By cracky vat a mighty scrabe vere in ! Scott. — What I don't fancy, Prof, takes Crocker's word Against us all. If Presy seconds Prof., As ten to one he will, we'll have to cave. 'Tis something quite to fight a Prof., But quite another thing to fight a President. West. — Professor seems to care too great a deal For such a little action as a run. To some Professors, conscientious men, The smallest breach is just as great and sad As total ruin ; just as little sins By rigid orthodoxy's made as great As darker sins. Their sense of justice is So great ! But boys a Prof, that's sold gets mad. As though you stamp upon his petted bunion. He chews a sell as Pistol chawed his onion. Professor now feels sore, and what is more. He's sold himself more cheaply than need for. Smith. — Now boys our conduct will be treated as A bolt, we meant it only for a run And not a bolt, say, did we not ? All— We did! 6 Smith. — Now who's so fresh and strong among us here As wishes e'er to yield on such a day ? Oh glorious day ! I feel myself inspired To fight forever, rather than be robbed Of this bright hour. I'm but half gypsy, just As he was pining in yon prison there. And now, say I, sin if we must, let's sin The whole, and live one day all free from toil And care and study, happy as a child Of nature ! Aye, in other words, let's bolt ! Several. — A bolt! Scott. — 'Tis wrong to mar the peaceful flow Of this fair school, to cloud the minds of Profs With prejudice against us. Let us make This reparation now, and once again Enjoy their confidence and their respect. West. —Nay, storms must come amain, and lords must rule. Or all the streams of life would stagnant be, And lords ne'er show their lordship nor their power. How oft, think you, that wicked lords make up An artificial tempest through their hate Of stagnancy ? And even the good Lord's Good dispensation's full of storms in man And nature, seeing proneness in long peace, ' And how, think you, the little myriad lords On earth, for being only men, do laugh Within their sleeve; when, after raising storms. They quell them with a word, a look, a frown. Oft rushing into solitude to hide Their smile of satisfaction ? So I think It well for us and well for them, that storms, Such storms as this, come on to give us both Our smile. Ne'er fear our Profs will yellow grow With prejudice against us, for, because — That prison to their hearts in time of flowers, Is loathsome as it now doth seem to ours, ^ They must for conscience sake discountenance ^ All breaks and other sorts of dissonance. Aye, but in school the're far more ruflled brows. Than ruffled hearts and unrelenting vows. Scott. — This all may be and may not be. At all Events, we must be punished for our act. Our President is constant as a star, And will not swerve from principle nor right To favor or misuse us. 3c? Fr. — Comets are. We comets, as a class, are goets too. We've come it long enough, now let us go it ! Scott. — I don't believe in bolting. Turn it as You will, 'tis wrong. We'll bolt by it a many Door against us, and then reap wliat we Have sown. Smith. — Ob man, wbere is your spirit gone That now you waver ? But a word, a small, A little word you stare at and you fear ! You work and toil and wear yourselves to death. You dig and delve and open wide your graves ; Your natures cry for mercy and for rest, By Harry, you refuse their earnest cry ! A bolt is nothing but a name that lives When scruples leave and common sense comes in. Scott. — A run is wrong, a bolt is grievous sin ; This class meeting is a conspiracy ! Smith. — Well ! Hang not life upon an action ! Nay, An action such as this doth oft make life. Then hail intrigue and wrong and sin and strife I Come learn to be a diplomat, sir dolt ! And where oppression stern will not assail. Let's make oppression, and resist it well. The consequences cannot be but small. But let us all agree in this, if all We cannot bolt and stay, we sure can bolt And go elsewhere ! I know a many schools Who welcome all, whether they're wise or fools. 2d Fr. — We need a rest, and why not take it now ? When Prexy says retract, we'll say "give us A rest !" No man's a saint or devil take My word. We'll act alone for conscience sake. Scott. — And when you say "give us a rest." then he Will say, retract: and better were it did We now retract, than then; for who will dare Expose himself to wrath like his ? Beware ! Smith. — Our minds indeed laxation need and change, Our hearts are caged in dryness and despair. ITl brave a wrath like his or any man's. And so for once, let's ready hand to hand, And joyous heart to heart, and earnest soul To soul, go singly yet together, aye, And harmonize this little world of ours With concert action, crying loud and strong, Justice against justice, but greatest ours ! Then come what will ! If when grave sternness warms It breeds indeed the cruelest of storms, Yet rock are undismayed; so let us be As adamant amidst a troublous sea. All,— A bolt ! A bolt ! Song. Curtain. Scene III. — Street. Enter Jones, McNdb, Fanshaw, Jones. — The female, George's cMmerical at best. The younger girl is like the raven charmed By jewels, cloths of fine texture and such. Three kinds of men do smite her most mortal, The public man, the handsome stranger, and The man of dress. Fan. — I'm honest Jones, alas For me, but neither of the three you name. Jones. — Girls don't till later make philosophers, Then sure they turn to charms of mind and heart ; Therefore, the wisest man doth wait awhile And gets the best of wives. Oh fickle girls ! But yet the girls are vanities at best, And splendid playthings for the man of ease, And such are you and 1. Let heartless be Your younger days, grow tender as you age. I say the best of girls will leave you for A newer man ; but woman truly loves But once. A woman's love is worth our while. Dress up then, George, and girlish hearts are thine, Be public, man, or anything to shine. This way to beat the worthy man is mine. Fan.— On one and fifty ? Jones.— I on little more Than that dress up, and play and smoke to boot. Let every noble fellow follow suit. Fan. — I'll fling a ball, I'll run a mile, I'll lift two hundred weight and smile, I'll row a boat with lovely spurt ; But I was never made to flirt. Jones. — But I will never so assert, For I am always prone to flirt. Fan. — Well, I will work my hands and you your heart. Of spoils, you have your own and I my part. Jones. — Agreed ! My conscience though doth often prick. Me, George, when'er I see a maiden on In years, who flirted 'way her youth with such As me, and uow's a woman without choice. Oh girls, flirt not too hard with every man! A modest girlhood is the safer plan ! McNab.— By jimminy ! A Freshman with a cane! Jones. — Oh tempora ! Oh moree ! Must this be ? {Enter Peter) McNab. — You minion of the German devil, halt ! You raw recruit ! You minnyl Stack your arms ! Surrender in the name of Sophomore And to our Alma Mater's honor, sir ! In other words, my Dutchy friend, throw down Your cane and canter. Peter. — What for you take me ! A fool? Jones. — Defy us, do you ? At him boys ! Peter. — Get out ! Get off of me ! You give me what Is mine ! I'll kill you ! Diebs ! You burglars ! Dem 1 {They get it.) McNab — Go on your way in peace and quiet now, And Dutchy never carry stick again. {Exeunt three.) Peter. — Dere's dree to one ! Oh cowards, deifels, dem ! Now by der Prince Bismarck, dere vill be done Someding for dis, so shure as I am Peter Wunderbank, and Peter Wunderbank is me ! {Exeunt.) Scene IV. — Boom of student. Lamp. Smith alone. Smith. — And I'm a man to-day! Age twenty-one ! A visionary man in swaddling clothes. The greatest that I know, 1 Freshman am, Both fresh in manly years, and fresh, most fresh, In manly deeds ! I would I were a man ! So shameful do I feel at times 'midst these Boy's pranks, these playful scrapes so puerile. A man's diversion ? Man's estate? A man's Estate is noble action. Here a man Of thirty-five is but a boy with him Of seventeen, and he of seventeen Is often more the man. 'Tis college ways! No lusty heroes live in college walls. There's liars and non-liars, there's conceits And non-conceits, there's sense and nonsense, there Is good and bad, there's popularity. Unpopularity; but heroes rare. Like sheep the one is fat the other lean. In active life alone heroes and honor Thrive. I long to glide upon the flowing stream Of life, and build upon its peopled banks. Patience the word? Aye, gentle whisper, thanks ! {Knock.) Come in ! (Enter dd Fr., Wordsworth and West.) 2d Fr. — Hello, my boy ! You study midst A bolt? A most cool head ! Vesuvius cast 10 Me forth, what is the matter ? Weeping sure As shot ! Smith. — The glare of light has made my eyes To water. Come to play at whist ? Sd M-.— Prezact ! What's this ? Zeus help us Latin ! Here is Greek ! There you go Greek ! There you go Latin ! Oh ! Let us have something modern ! Set around! This everlasting Latin's pilfered all, — Its monuments, its style, its sentiments, Its thoughts, its forms, its poetry, its prose, — 'Tis making contrabandists of us all. E'en Cicero was only Captain Kid Of ancient times, with coffers full enough Of stolen treasures, and we are his apes. And this old Greek, which, buried years ago, Yet keeps a man a digging for its bones. Will turn us back, and make us ancients now. When all the world for moderns begs aloud. My friends desire to know that which I know ; That which I know I do not know to tell, And they are disappointed. Discipline ? Than dig again the grave of buried Greek, I'd rather cage the slippery lightning streak. Than nose about and grub dry Latin roots, I'd rather garner scientific fruits. Words. — And as for me, than grub for Latin roots, I'd rather blacken Uncle Sammy's boots ; I'd like to polish up the constitution. I'll either be a lawyer or a statesman. West. — No boys, you'll need these precious herbs. They do not make you fat, but make you strong. With one foot, hand, and thought within the past, The other in the present should you live. 'Tis dig, then, build; decay, that life may live; Destroy and reconstruction on the wreck. The past is discipline, the present the deeds. The future hopes and fears. We need them all. dd Fr, — Say, West, where is all your collateral To-night ? West. — Sworn ofE ! My lady does not like The savour. Zd Fr. — Woman, what a power ! Smith. — Ay ! The gentlest, yet the greatest check I know, Is that that woman's counsel doth bestow. If woman despair in her sacred mission, God help the man in such a low condition. 11 But shame to her who leads a man to drink, To smoke, to chew, to play, to dance, or wink At little sins. More manly is it far, To live sans wine, sans cards and sans cigar, {Noise without. Elder Peter.) 3(i Fr. — By all the mummied laity what is The row ? Peter. — I've been insulted, gentlemen ! - Three bloody Sophs did fell upon my back And took from me the cane dat what was mine, Der class cane what we bought ! Smith. — And hurt you, eh? Peter. — My feelings they hurt irrepayable. Smith. — Enough of whist ! A better game than this Is now on hand. Go call the fellows in ! {Exit West.) And Peter you shall be avenged, or by — {Enter Fresh, and a Junior.) Come in my boys ! a run, a bolt, and cap It all a fight on hand ! Here's Peter been Insulted, robbed, and beat by Sophomores. 3d Fr. — Why Socrates, defend us ! This insults Us all ! I say, revenge ! Ist Fr. — I'm aching long To fight. The Sophs are braggart over us. I'll risk my head to save my sacred honor, And fight to death as doth a many soldier. This is a case'of dignity and honor. And I in these sad times of chivalry Would be an honest soldier. Words. — Life's crises end in fight, in fame or death. One only loses blood, another loses breath. Who loses blood, is healed by balms of fame; Who loses breath, can wish no better name Than that he breathed his last upon the field. If we immortals make not mortals yield. These Sophs are mortals, — let me die in peace. And say that immortality doth cease. Smith. — Enough of nonsense, this is nothing small! I'm in for this and long to try my sword. My cane, I mean, this Freshman magic wand, And promise you that e'er it broken be. Three Sophs, at least, shall feel its mightiest force. To-morrow let us fight as bravelv as We may ; and then to cap the climax, and Complete the gay programme, our scurvy mates Let's rush, who in despite of right are now 12 Attending recitations daily. Let Us broaden breach in cause of justice, that We may show to our lords and ladies one, A stalwart front, the other, manly deeds. Junior. — Well, Freshies, I am with you heart and soul! I have a deeper grudge than you against These Sophs. The Juniors are your truest friends. Look now to them for counsel and support. Fight valiantly as heroes iu the fray, For dignity and honor brave their canes, And lay on double strokes and triple blows. Strike three for Peter here, and three times three For noble self, and one crush stroke for me ! {Exeunt.) West, — If Smith our captain be, then we shall win. Let's swear our fealty. Now I, now you Swear, all have sworn. Hurrah for ©aptain Smith ! Smith. — 8h I And now to bed. Don't grow soft hearted in ' The night. Good night, and martial dreams! {Exeunt Fresh.) The little stone again begins to roll. At any rate the real conflict of boys {Bell strikes twelve.) Is next to that of men. The morrow has Begun, its end {Kiieels.) Curtain. ACT n. Scene I. — Campus. Enter Frxshmen. Smith. — Here let us halt and tie our 'kerchief on Our arms, our strong right arms, and let it be ( Yells off.} A sign of fealty and union ! - Look ! You see your yonder crowd of foes ? And now Remember all the bitter taunts, the base Insults in public and in private they Have heaped on you ! Remember how like geese They hissed at you in chapel ! Yelling fish ! And fresh ! mewing, scoffing, and mocking you With epithets too vile and harsh to be Forgot unpunished. They felt above You then ; but let us change this boastful pride, And fight it out of them ; and then we'll show- In every model household, baby must Be king ! Let babes to-day teach men, manhood ! And now you little army, armed as You are ; when stern resistance meets us, let Us unresistless force our way, as though Our foes were reeds, our bodies chariots Of war, our canes were dragons' spears, our cause 13 Most glorious ! This day determines for Us, whether insults we must take and bear Or not ; and whether we can carry canes Or not ; and whether we are valiant men ! Remember, Peter, what you owe to them ! Remember, men of honor, what we owe To them and to our good insulted class ! Remember all, a duty calls you now ! Your duty is aa great, your loyalty As dear, as though upon the field of war lou fought ! And now they come ! Fight for your rights And noble manhood ! Fight for peace and due Respect ! For sacred honor, class and mates ! Brace up, men ! Charge ! {Enter Sophs and fight.) {Enter Peter, driving McNab before him at front of stage.) Petek. — Aha ! You blower ! Now The German deifel's got you in his glutch ! Now see the minion beat the lord ! Now see The minny swallow up the whale ! Dere's one, Two, dree ! 'Tis I, I, Peter Wunderbank ! And Peter Wunderbank is me ! Get out ! {Drives McNah off,) {Enter Smith and Jones from opposite sides.) Smith, — Good ! Smith meet Jones ! Jones.— And Soph meet Fresh ! Smith. — You are A leader, so am I ! Let's bear a hand, Decide the battle here ! Jones.— All right ! How's that ? {Thrust.) Smith. — Very much adjacent ; but yet a miss ! {Enter two Sophs) What so unoccupied ? Now play me fair. My cane ! {Is beaten back.) Fresh to the rescue ! Fresh- men to The rescue ! {Enter two Fresh.) Right in time, my boys ! Lay on ! - {Enter Prexy excited. Sophs flee.) Prexy. — Hold ! Hold ! In heaven's name must men e'er ape The devil ? Very images of the Almighty God deface each other thus? For shame ! For shame ! The greatest sign of man's Depraved mind is found in recreation Such as this I And what have you for which To fight, and draw each other's blood ? What wrong B 14 Of rights deprived, of insults wortli a name To make you mad like this ? You strike against A brother all for nought. You think it nought ? Why ! Why ! 'Tis past belief ! Smith.— No, Doctor, but A principle's concerned in this, and this To us is just as great as greater ones Must be to greater men. Prex.— We'll see ! We'll see ! There's one thing sure — the devil 's loose and we Must hold him in. Go to your rooms and wash And bathe your face with liniment, and meet Me in the morning ! {Exeunt.) Smith. — Peter, you did well ! And now, what is the list of accidents And casualties ? West. — The fol'wing is the true Official list of all the soldiers slain And wounded left upon the field, and of The prisoners and arms that we have ta'eh. Of killed, there's none on either side, thank God ! Of wounded, near as we can say, eighteen On every side. Of prisoners not one. Of arms, we've taken seven well-preserved And seven broken canes. The enemy Have flown before the face of wrath, beyond The points of Freshmen canes. May heaven get Our thanks for such a bloodless \ictory ! Several. — Amen ! Amen ! Smith. — Amen it is ! You know What you have gained to-day. But more's on hand. Pray don't forget it ! Let us -give our yell And go to dinner, where we'll eat as we Have earned. Let's call our battle. Freshmen's fight. (Tell.) Remember what we have on hand to-night ! Curtain. Scene II. — Street. Enter 1st Towny. \st Towny. — To be or not to be, that is not the Question, To be? Aye ! That is it exact ! To be a towny unoppressed, or be A towny dead. These hill cattle are too Imperious ! Alas the pristine strength Of this our town ! Alas the fade-away Of manly strength and valor ! Aye, alas The coming in of poverty, intrigue. 15 Hypocrisy, and all deceit, and all Conceit ! I weep for thee, my usurped town ! I hate to walk thy noble streets, they seem As not my own ! Thy daughters turn away From us, and waste their youth and bloom upon A transient villainy ! I seem to see {Enter two Townies fighting, crowd following.) A fight ! {Rushing among them.) Let up ! Why waste your strength against Each other, when you have such noble game To fight against ? %d Towny. — I'm always ready to Defend myself 'gainst friend and foe alike, 3(2 Towny. —And I rely upon my arms to make Defence or get revenge. Xst Towny. — Then listen now ! We townies who would be quite popular, Must take a second place, Aye, and often A low third place within our town ! 2d Towny. — I've felt It ! \st Towny. — I have got a scheme. To let out our Feelings, let 's give the hill cattle a rub With stones, with eggs, with anything ! 2(^ Towny. — I take ! Let us unite the strength of this whole town Against the college; fighting only for Our own ; repelling all attacks upon Our sacred honor, — even we have that, — And living, dying, — free, — for in the walks Of life that's low, a little freedom is A giant thing. i^d and Zd Townies make up.) Ist Towny. — {Aside.) Combined ? 'Tis hardly worth Combining ! Yet a little excitement Is quite acceptable. Several. — A cop ! A cop ! {Exeunt all.) Scene III. — {Room on hill. Smith and two Seniors seated.) 1st Sen. — Now, Smith, we wish to speak on grave affairs. You are the head of this revolt, and hence You are responsible for what occurs. The Profs, are all incensed the way you act, And with indulgence rare await your just Obedience. 16 2d Sen. — You Freshmen must not be Too independent. In the best of all Our colleges, the Freshman finds his place. The Freshman doffs to Sophomore, and so The Sophomore to Junior doffs ; and the Senior is the most mighty head of all. Accept the facts ! Come, lead your fellows back! Smith. — A man's a man in college or without ; But often less a man within. I cringe To none who will not cringe to me. I'll honor any one who won't look down On me. Obey whene'er obedience Is due. I say spite hurt, spite loss of pale Affection, stand up for your rights, and truth, And honor. No one else will stand as well For you. Ist Sen.— You see things wrong. The good regards Of men are not to be despised, but must Be coveted ; for we are all likewise Dependent on our friends, and chiefly on Our influential friends for help. A show Of fawning often reaps a good reward. Smith. — I seek from friends no more than I can claim By right. I beg of none but God. Perhaps, Too true, I'll be a beggar all my life ; But what of that ? A beggar with a gem He will not sell ! My chiefest moments of Delight, are when in need, I yet can feel Myself above mere changing flesh, and on Level with spirit which is free. We are Just what we are, and neither pow'r in Heav'n Nor earth, if we act natural, can change Us. ' - s 2d Sen. — These small acts deserve not such a warmth. This run, this bolt, this fight, is far too small A thing to fill your thoughts. Smith. — No act's too small. But what the greatest principle 's involved. 2d Sen. — When college honors, college favors, such As you might easily enjoy, are sure To follow your return to work, I think We surely wish you well, as now we give You this advice. Smith. — For college honors I Care not, unless they come unsought ; then they Also are sweet. IT 1st Sen, — Just let me say a word. I tell jow what, you'll rue this spirit, when You feel the need of friendly aid. You keep Yourself in check. And even when your friends Would help you up, you out of over self- Reliance would withdraw from grand success. You've got to fight forever for your life, Your reputation, and subsistence, which Must oft be w©n by wisdom and sound sense. You're your own enemy. Too reliant To be happy in this hard world. Enough ! Give up this petty riot, Smith ! Give 't up ! Smith. — Don't ask me, please ! I may seem very proud And independent now. I was not so Always ; for I was over-modest once. Remember, I am twenty- one, and thoughts Have seemed to ripen in my mind, and in My heart, feelings. I may be humbled soon. Please do not try it now ; for with your blunt Discussions, you might'st well attempt to calm A nettled colt with tickle, thump and thrust. Or sew a pretty seam with a crowbar ! {hah.) (Passes between them.) I've hurt your feelings ? Say, I used to hurt My own to that degree ; that, did I hurt A friend, I'd weep long after pardon, and Often chose outs where ins were at my hand. For sake of others. Then I lost, I now Must win. I can't afEord longer to lose. I love the Profs, and truly love you all, And I am independent now, under The solemn protest of my heart, which bids Me seek pardon. {Enter Junior.) Junior. — Good evening boys ! what thoughts So mighty trouble heads so great ? \st Sen.— We come As peacemakers to Smith. Junior. — {To Smith.) They come to make Y ou eat your words, regret your acts, give . up Your liberty of thought, and tony down To overbearing men ! I tell you what. These little things, when we are put upon Our honor, try us just as greater things Try greater men. Give up indeed ! Why you Have more a name to-day, than e'er before. People now point at you and say, that that Young man will make something out of himself. 18 2d Sen. — If you be his adviser, we shall have But poor success indeed. Junior. — Some maxims hear I A moral fight and victory is worth A hundred hundred Latin roots. A good And noble purpose, well observed, is worth A thousand, in the light of future need. Much rather fizzle in your class, than do So in your feebled wills, your faithless hearts. And narrowed minds. He is not every time The better man who most doth study. So Is servile like obedience much worse Than stubborn disobedience. Take home The case ! Make it your own ! Then say is not Smith right ? 2d Sen. — Tou do not justify the bolt I hope. He made rebellion open. Junior. — Wrongs Did urge him on ! 1st Sen. — Who has a right to say What's right and wrong ? Who is the President Of this concern ? Who are the ofiicers But all interpreters of Law ? What they Say, that is always right, as far as we're Concerned. Junior. — Well I beg leave here to object. Right 's always right, and half the time 'tis lost To men, because of spirits such as yours. Do you intend to aim at, e'er control A state, or any lively office which The century may give ? Why you are but Ideal students taking calmly on Your Alma Mater's idiosyncracies, And saying to the world : oh world, nothing Art thou to me ! Here is my life in full ! Soon, soon enough, out in the world will you Exclaim: oh Alma Mater, nothing art Thou now to me, here is my life in full ! You'll feel no love because you got no good To help you in the world. When I graduate I want to say: my college course had taught Me strength of character, as well as gave Me knowledge. Then I'll prove my loyalty And love to Alma Mater. 1st Sen. — I say chum ! These boys are either far beyond or far Behind us. Anyhow we've wandered in 19 Discussion far enough. We leave you Smith, With hopes that you will heed our good advice. {Exeunt Seniors.) Junior. — Common humanity seems set against Whoever acts most natural. Smith, shake ! And let us vow ourselves anew to truth, To honesty, and fearlessness ! {Shaking hands.) Smith. — I have A hundred reasons, ready, genuine, Why we "should be allowed a run, a fight, And now a reinstatement. Junior. — Stick to them ! Good night I Smith. — We'll meet again shortly ! Good night. {Exeunt Jun. Curtain.) Scene IV. — Street. {Enter Fresh, who sing a song.) Several. — On to the seminary ! {Exeunt alL) {Enter two lays from opposite sides.) 1st Boy. — Who are those Fellows ? 2d Boy. — Society members ! 1st Boy. — Of what Society ? M Boy.— Of the great «, /5, y, ZJ, £, C, Tj, d, J, ■/., X, tl, V, ^, o, 7t, p, (7, T, u, d Ft. — {Outside.) Oh, do come open up, and do not keep Us waiting here ! Crocker. — {Getting revolver.) Hi, chum! Come out! Phil. — {Appearing.) Who is't ? Crocker. — I'm half afraid they mean to do us harm! {Thumping. Cr. and Phil, stand against the door, which is hurst in. The revolver goes off.) 24 Smith. — Thou conscientious and unconscientious Man I A poverty of soul behind A magazine of powder, you would once Betray your mates, and after murder them f Be comforted, that if you this offence Had done, it would have been in self-defence. Seize him and tie him tightly to a chair I' Now, Crocker, you are to be tried to-night For perjury and infidelity. The two sins of the nineteenth century t You, usher, read the charge! West. — John Crocker, you Are under these three grand indictments : first. For perjury, in your base lie about Our ^ust run ; second, for your desertion Of class in time of need in our grand fight ; And third, for infidelity, on each And every day reciting alone in The absence of your class. Now answer! Are You guilty or not guilty ? Ckocker. — Who made all Of /ou my judges ? I'll not answer! Smith. — Bring Here large supply of cold aquavitas^ From earth's deepest recess and mountain top! (3(Z Ft, comes forward with pitcher.) dd Ft. — My lord, the cold aquavitee is here! Smith. — Pour twenty ounces down his back and wait The grave issue ! ^d Ft.— The twenty ounces are Gone down, my lord L Lo, where's the grave issue ? Smith. — Inquire, usher! West.— Guilty or not guilty 1 Crocker. — You are a beastly set of cads and fools! Smith. — Pour twenty ounces of your sweet and cold Aquavitse adown his back and wait. (Song.) dd Fr.—The twenty ounces are adown my lord! Smith. — Usher! West. — Guilty €>r not guilty ? Crocker. — You will All suffer well for this I 25 Smith. — Tip back his head Thirty degrees. Pour five ounces adown His throat and wait! Now take example from The chicken, hoy, and when you drink give thanks! dd Fr. — The five ounces are gone adown my lord! Smith. — Usher! West. — Guilty or not guilty ! {Crocker is silent.) Smith. — Now lay Him gently down upon his shiv'ring back I {They lay Mm rudely down.) 3d jPV.— He's tenderly laid down, my lord! Upon His shiv'ring back! Smith. — Uphoist his feet high in The air, and pour your cold aquavitse Into his pantaloons and wait ! M Ft.— The cold Aquavitae is gone, my lord, into His pantaloons. Smith. — Usher ! West. — Guilty or not Guilty ? {Crocker still silent.) Smith. — Now lift him up! Detach him! Hold Him fast! Say, Crocker, we do not delight In this. It is the gravest act of all Our lives. A lesson must be taught. Each one Of you, most loyal ones, go mark the knave And traitor with a blow of scorn upon His face! {None move.) You noble few, I thank you for Your loyal disobedience. Crockek. — Forgive Me boys ! I'm guilty ! Or here now give me My sentence! Oh I've been a coward, fool, And dastard! Cast me out! I don't deserve The name of Freshman more. I see my mean Spirit and servile! Now I think with you! Forgive me boys! I'll be a better man! {Masks off .) Smith. — Forgive you? Aye, and love you now! We hear Such sweet refrains, the sweetest that e'er fell From lips of yours. Come, let him dress, and let Us warm him up with some brave oyster stews. A prodigal is he! Let's kill for him The fatted calf, and put a ring upon C 26 His hand, and let no wicked brotlier grieve ! I say break mean inclined men by the Most harshest means, and that alone will save Them from their wicked ways. Our gay programme is done, Our sad programme is soon begun. {Song. Curtain.) ACT III. Scene 1.— Classroom. {Prex., Prof., Freshmen, except Smith.) Prex. — I wish to say a word or two to you Young gentlemen. And say what I shall say As president. As long as I am here, I must perform my duties whether they Be disagreeable or otherwise. As this case stands, you are without excuse. Your Professor had kept the time as well As you, and it was your duty to do As he desired. This fight I do not now Condemn, for when the passions rise, the mind Is out. I will not now speak of the rush Upon your fellow classmates, since its end Was not disastrous. Let that go! And let The fight go, too! The run was only wrong. * The bolt was only wrong. There's no excuse. And now shall you my only sentence know ? Give up and stay; keep on the bolt, and go! (Rises.) dd Fr. — Our time was right! Prex. — Keep still ! Don't contradict Me! What I say I mean! Young gentlemen You are committing mental suicide. Unlawful acts will always bring their sad Ee wards. Why! why! You're past your boyhood days. The morning star of life 's already in Decline for you, and evening twilight greets Half way the dawn of active life, and yet You're reckless still! Give up this freak! And when Again you honor Professor and me. Another trinity 's in unity. {Exeunt.) Prop. — You place me in a very dijfficult Position. I have told my tale to all The Faculty; and, if you still maintain Your point, as probably you will, if you Insist on it, then I lose much respect In other eyes, and feel myself disgraced. I hope you think some better of it now. 27 3d liV. — I do not like the words which we just heard. As though we had no right at all to think Or know what 's true! Pkop. — He must authority- Uphold, and must maintain his privilege To say what must and what must not be done. I know, I know, that under all his brusque And sternness, dwells a tenderness and love For you. which you're unconscious of, and which He smothers, to maintain the dignity Position calls from him. West. — We were both right Perhaps, and times were wrong. Time never lies, But watches often lie. I think we are However unprepared to-day, and so Cannot recite. Prof. — Fll call upon the class For Monday's recitations merely. Let Me say to you, that only work, which you Seem loth to do, in after years will make You men. I will dismiss you now. I only wish to add, that I have done just as I did, because I felt that I would prize Your love and good appreciation years In future, than your present passing love. Zd i^r.— Hurrah, for Prex. and Prof ! AIL — Hurrah! Hurrah! (Curtain.) Scene II. — Hill. {Enter Fresh, and Smith from opposite sides. West, — Smith, why was it you did not come in class? Smith. — I'm always prone to talk too much at such A time; and when 1 speak it worries me For hours afterward. What did you do ? West. — If we do so accept we are let off On onlv Monday's recitations. Smith.— * Well! We may as well accept. Though we may not Compel our officers to yield to us, — And who would wish them to give in to us, — We yet have taught them to respect us in The future. It will be a treaty, though Unwritten and unsaid; yet still 'twill be A treaty by tradition handed down. (Song.) Several.— On to the campus! Let us haste! (Exit.) 28 Scene III. — Campus. Sophomores. {Enter Fresh.) Sophs.— Fresh! Fish! Fresh. — Canes! canes for sale! Cheap! Sophs. — Shut that mousetrap! ya — ! Jones. — A challenge ! All. — Ho! a challenge! Jones. — Fanshaw dares To wallop any Freshman you may name. Crocker. — My classmates beg I now a favor from Your hands. Choose me to be your champion. If loyalty and love can battles win, If courage counts amid the battle's din, Choose me your champion, and give me chance, To atone for past mistakes by sharp pennance. All. — Hurrah for Crocker! ^MITH. — He 's a noble fellow! {Fight, confusion.) {Enter Janitor.) Janitor. — The Townies have attacked a lot of boys Down town with eggs and stones; why don't you go And help them ? {Exeunt.) Smith, — Come, Soph. Jones, what is the use Of fighting here for nothing. Let us leave Our battle for a better one. Let us Unite our forces to resist the strength Of this whole town. Or better still, let 's join Our hands in peace and fight no more. Jones. — All right, I have no grave objection to't, Fresh. Smith, Smith. — Then we are friends! come shake! shake all around! {They shake.) Words. — Why, we are not so much an enemy As one would think. We 're never enemies Unless in wrath. These Townies must be beat; Let 's all unite to do this easy feat. No enemies are found in college walls When foreign danger to the conflict calls. We are no longer Soph's or Freshmen now; We '11 join together, make a common vow. To save our Alma Mater from all harm, With honest mind, and heart, and strong right arm. 29 Jones. — Tlien out upon these Townies come! Shout not For Fresli., shout not for Sophomore, but shout For Alma Mater and her glory; come! {Exeunt. Curtain.) Scene lY. —{Street, Enter Townies.) 1st Towny. — No use afighting them! Too many and Too strong are they for little forces such As we to beat! 2(Z Towny. — We cannot scare the hill, We cannot rule the town, we must Confine ourselves and our exertions to A single little district where we live. ■3cZ Towny. — I see we must confine our energy To fighting 'mongst ourselves. {To 2d Towny.) Come you and end That little matter yesterday disturbed By such vain expectations. Come! {Square off.) Ist Towny. — Look out! Here comes the conq'ring host! 'Tis Gideon's band! Alas! Our combination is a sham! It's whole credit ain't worth a single d — ! (Exeunt.) {Enter Fresh, and SopJi.) Jones. — Stop ! This is far enough ! The Townies have A lair and stronghold which we cannot storm, As well as we. The point is this, we do Not want the town, but woe betide the men Or boys, who dare usurp the hill! West. — I've got A good idea, we 've made it up with Prex. And Prof., and with these royal fellows here. And what could we to show our feelings more, Than were we to prepare a banquet; first To honor Prex. and Prof., to honor next Our noble classmate Crocker's close escape From sycophancy. Finally and last, To celebrate our noble union 'gainst All odds outside. Jones. — That is a splendid thought! Let 's see to it! {Exeunt all hut 8., M Fr.) Scott.— Will our guests come ? 80 SdFr.— Of course They will ! Why, they are human, man, and each And every human man has got a sort Of stomach, and delights oft to surprise That organ with a decent meal. They'll come! My honest word for it, they'll surely come! (Exeunt.) Scene V. — Banquet hall. Table in center. Ends of tables seen, Prex., Profs,, Fresh., with Junior at middle table. Junior at the head of the table. Jones, Smith, Crocker, West and Words- worth on ends of other tables. {Enter Maid.) Maid.— {To West,) Take oysters ? Stewed or fried! West. — Sh ! , {Pointing to Prof, who is about to ask a blessing.) {The Prof, sees the motion, laughs, and sits down.) ^d Fr.— {Aside.) That 's an official Bolt upon the Lord! Prex.— We mean it well Enough, let that suffice! {They eat.) Junior. — Now, friends, we must Not quit this gay meeting, until we hear Some words of what we feel within us. Now Professor Goodenough will take the theme,— Relation of Professor to the Boys. Prof. G. — This subject, gentlemen, is. difficult For me to treat to-night, because I seem To have a false idea of it, by what Occurred the three days past. But I shall try. Now we Professors all are paid for work We do, and paid to do it full and well, And take a pride in doing all things well, Just as artificers in other spheres. We soon get use to humdrum life and work. Our class room soon becomes our world of pride. Our world of trials, and our world of care. Our world of hope; for there our work of life Is done; and we, as other men, desire To do some good. We feel we're doing good; And this good feeling brightens hours of toil, Of tirdest brain, and lifts great loads of care. The student, on the other hand, comes here And pays his way, or has it paid for him : 31 But since he does not work for pay, they try To take advantage, many of them, of Their teacher, whenso'er they can. Now see How dear it costs a man who 's spent whole hours Into the night to get some new and good A thing to show next day in class, and all Is spoiled by boyish acts. A good week's plan!' And yet, (why not?) we must provide and earn Our livelihood ; and this compels us to Receive with moderation, all the base And boyish impositions cast upon Us. And no reverence for us is held: But criticised, dispraised, or praised, we stand A prey to every chance of ridicule. Things seem to look this way to me ; and I 'm Resolved, that I shall act as justly as I may, and do as much as e 'er I can. Despite unkindness, loving every man. The teacher should be honest, true and fair. No favor, no revenge, harm, anywhere. The student should be honest, courteous, kind;. Ready to work with earnest heart and mind. Jun. — No honest man will fail to see great force, In what Professor said. But now I '11 call On West to take in briefer words the theme, — Relation of the Student to the Prof. West. — Professor Goodenough has shamed me to Humility. And yet I find a gem Of pardon for the student. We are from The world, we find our teachers gathered here, And like them, or dislike them, using our Own mind to think and heart to feel; and we Insist upon the proper man in the Right place, or we need not go under him. Perhaps we do not feel that reverence Which very few of them do seem to want. We feel a personal love for him who treats Us well. I mean the best of students do. A bolt doth neither mean hatred or wrath,— 'Tis reverence set aside, not wholly lost; 'Tis love pressed down by reckless love of fun. Dishonored ? Who dishonored ? We ? We then Did do it unintentionally so. The bolt is over now, what are the costs? Nothing to us, but this devoured meal ; Nothing to you, Professor, save a slight Unrest. Nothing to you, dear President, Except another bolt 'twixt heart and heart. To keep them closer, safer, dearer yet. We would reject an overbearing bolt. 32 We would refuse the counsel of a dolt. Without a show of right we would not run ; Without a show of fight we'd not be won. Our battle's o'er, our glee and task is done. We now unto a higher work return. A taste of worldliness is quite enough. We're tired of play, and tired of sturdy cuff» One bolt will last us all our mortal day. Its lesson soon is learned — it does not pay. Receive us once again as students true, To tread the higher paths of love anew. Junior. — We have a hero here. I call up Jones. ** The fight and the happy result of it.'^ Jones. — The fight did much for me. My eye received A patch and coat of paint. My heart received A curable insult. It did as much For many others of my class. But who Here now cares for the pain and blows bestowed By Freshman canes ? That fight has cured a breach. A lesson full of meaning doth it teach, — That men are men, and heaven help the man Who tries to rob one who doth feel he can Maintain his own just rights and liberty! The lesson of this fight to us shall be, To act as gentlemen and not as boys ; Contend with thoughts, ideas, and not with toys ; To feel respect for lower classmen more, Thus we'll receive more honor than before. Pres. — {Rising.) Submit to me, allow me but a word! To you I say that every man should have Three times the independence back of him As e'er he shows, — a priceless treasure that! Let us not mix philosophy to night With plain and open causes and effects. The students ran because the love of fun Surmounted their desire for higher work. But for a time you mind, but for a time! I welcome you once more to classroom duties, To warmer hearts, as well as classic beauties. {8ong Alma Mater.) Words. — And nqw we're all content and merry, And now content our difference to bury. Content to sleep and wake, to-morrow, tarry. To hear, and what we hear, away we'll carry. Look up and down an enemy's not in vision! Look through and through there's not the least division ! (Curtain.) THE END. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 0^7 198 487 7^