NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. ^Ay«v*v>y*y*y''r* y'»^ ****»*■ ^ *^*> [15 CJSNTS. / THE AMATEUR STAGE. No, 55. LORD DUNDR-EARY'Sl VISIT. NEW YOBKj Happy Hours Company, Publishers, No. 1 CHAMBERS STREET, *vSA,*»N*.> A Catalogue of Plays, giving the number of acts and characters, costumes and scenery- required, and time of representation of each, will be sent free, to any address. How We Manap§ Our Private Tiieatricals. In whicli will be found plain directions for the construction and arrangement of the Stage, painting the Scenery, getting up the Costumes, making the Properties and Accessories, Hints on Stage Effects, full and complete instructions for making Calcium Lights, etc., etc., A\ith numerous illustrations and diagrams. To which is added "Penelope Axne," a roaring farce for home i)erformance. Prepared for the use of schools, priAate families, and dramatic clubs. Price 5i5 Cents. TliB Actor's Art. Its Requisites and how to obtain them, its Defects and how to remove them. Containing clear and full directions in every branch of the Art ; with complete and valuable instructions for beginners, relative to rehearsals, entrances and exits, gen- eral hints on action, qualities of voice, etc. , etc. In short, an indispensable book to the amateur. Price 15 Cents. Parlor Talileani ; or, Animatei Pictures. For the use of Families, Schools and Public Exhibitions. Containing about eighty popular subjects, with plain and explicit directions for arranging the stage, dress- ing-room^ lights, full descriptions of costumes, duties of stage manager, properties and scenery required, and all the necessary directions for getting them up, so that any one can act in them. Everything is stated in a plain, simple manner, so that it will be easily understood ; everything like style or unnecessary show has ben avoid- ed, in order that all may readily grasp at the author's meaning. For public or private entertainment, there is nothing which is so interesting and instructive as the tableaux. Price 35 Cents. Sliaflow PantoniiiDfis; or, Harlepin in tue Slafle. How to get them up and how to act in them ; -with full and concise instructions and numerous Illustrations. Also full and complete descriptions of properties and costumes. It has been the aim of the author to provide harmless home amusement for old and young, excluding everything objectionable to sound morality and good home training. By Tony Denier, Pantomimist, author of "Tony Denier's Parlor Pantomimes," "Amateur's Guide," etc. Price 25 Cents. Tlie Stni Speater. Being a collection of Comic Speeches and Eecitations, Burlesque Orations, Stump Speeches, Laughable Scenes, Humorous Lectures, Button-Bursting Witticisms, Ei- diculous Drolleries, Funny Stories, etc., etc., translated into the four modern lan- guages—Yankee, Dutch, Irish, and Ethiopian— for the convenience of the public at large. .Price 15 Cents. YentrilopisDi Mate Easy, ani The SeconJ-SigM Mystery, As practiced by Robert Heller .and others, fully explained. In this little volume we place all the wondtrs of Ykntiuloqdism at the command of our yoimg friends. Price '45 Cents. Either of tlie above will be sent by mail, post-paid, on receipt of the price, by HAPPY HOURS COMPANY, No. I Chambers St., New York. THE ^M^TEUR ST^QE. LORD DUNDREARY'S VISIT. A PAECIOAL SKETCH, IN ONE ACT. WITH THE CAST OP CHAEAOTERS, COSTUMES, SIDES OF ENTBANCES AND EXIT, RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE DEAMATIS PERSONS, TIME OF BEPEESENTATION, ETC., ETC. NEW YORK: HAPPY HOURS COMPANY, No. 1 CHAMBERS STREET. ftio'i r S^ LOED DUNDEEAEY'S VISIT. DRAMATIS PERSONS. Lord Dundreary. Gordon Elwood. Miss Belle Elwood, His sister. Miss Lillie Ashton, Consul to Belle. Thm of Representation. — Twenty-five Minutes, COSTUMES. Lord Dundreary. — Fop's dress. Gordon Elwood. — Morning walking costume. Miss Belle Elwood.— First dress : Morning dress. Second dress : Riding habit. Miss Lillie Ashley.^Tixst dress : Walking costume. Second dress : Riding habit. PROPERTIES. Carpet covering stage. Three lace curtains and cornices to French windows in flat. Two flower stands with flowers between the win- dows. Tables, with covers, r.c. and l.c. Two easy chairs r. and l. Other chairs on scene. Couch u.e.l. Books and ornaments ou the front tables. Small table u.e.b. Ladies riding-whip. Copyrighted 1877. LORD DUNDEEARY'S VISIT. Scene. — Elwood Gvauge, a Country House in Devonshire, England. Three French windows in fiut^ the centre om open, hacked by garden landscape. Lace cxirlains to each. Caiptt covering stage. Doors s.E.ii. and s.K.L. Enter BcLiiE and Lillie, centre window, from the law7i and l. Belle. (R.c.) Ob, Lillie, I'm so glad you've come! I've been expecting you for the last three days. Lillie. (li.c.) Papa did not return from London until yesterday, and of course I waited for Lis return ; mamma did not like to be left alone. But wbeve's Gordon? Belle. He's dressing, but will be down pregentl3\ Take off j'Our things. (Describing dress.) Do you know, Lillie, my brother is getting to be as mysterio;is as the Grand Tiirk ? He's been as ner- vous and restless all the morning as he could be. And when I asked him what the matter was, he looked confused and stammered out, "Oh nothing at all !" (Imitates }iis maimer and laughs. Lillie. "Why, Belle, you make me quite curious. (Giving her hat, mantle, &c., to Beli,e, Belle. But I'll find out what it is. I defy any one to keep a secret from me. Gordon. (Withotd s.E.ii.) John, have Dandy harnessed to the dog-cart, and bring it round to the front door. Belle. There he is now. (Placing Lillie's hat, &c., on hack table. ) He's going out, too ; probably to the station. Oh, I know now! he expects some friend from London, though I c.m't under- stand why that should make him act so btiangcly. LOED DUNDllEARY tj VISIT. Elder Gobdon, s.e.l. Gordon. WI13', Lillie, I'm delighted to fsee 3'0ii ! (Shakes hands w'llh her warmhj. Belle. (Solemnly.) And now, sir, come and look me right in the face and tell me where you are going and what you are going to do. (Gordon crosses to c, so as to be between the two girls. Gordon. "Why, sister, I— I (Bursts oidlaurihing. Belle. (R.) Ah! ( Holds up her finger icarningbj. ) Prisoner at the bar, no hesitation ; you are »ipou trial ; answer at once. Gordon, (c.) Well, "Belle, if I must confess, I'm going to the station to meet a friend from Loudon. Belle. There, Lillie, didn't I tell you so? Prisoner at the bar, who-is-your-friend ? Gordon, (hnitating her mock heroic manne7\) Most learnd judge, it-is-the-celebrated-Lord-Diaidreajt/. Belle. ( In astonishmeni. J Lord Dundreary ! Wonderful! ( Claps her hands. Lillie. (Astonished, Ij.) Lord Dundreary ! Splendid! ( Claps her hands. Gordon. Yes ; of course you've heard of him. Dundreary and I were at Oxford together. I met him a month ago in London, and made him promise to come down and spend a week with us. He is a capital fellow, and as I have a certain mad-cap sister, I thought that perhaps my lord nnght take a fancy to her, and by making her •my lad}',' relieve me of a great deal of cure, and there might be two 'Haw-haw's ' together. ( Laughs and crosses to k. Belle. Oh, Lillie! did you ever hear such impudence before? I'll have you to kuow, sir, that I am iiot going to be put up for inspection like a horse for sale, and when your friend comes I'll tell him so. Gordon. (Going up c.) He'll admire yon very much, I'm sure, for he likes lively, high-spirited girls. But, excuse me for the present ; it is near!}' time for the train. (Looks at watch.. ) I'll be back in a few minutes with Lord Dnndreary. (Rvit c, ojf l. Lillie. Now you know all about it. Belle. Yes, and I'm sure I don't like it a bit. I'd like to know what business my brother has to go and talk about me to his gen- tlemen friends? I think I ought to be very angry, but I won't. My Lord Dundreary comes down here expressly to take a look at me. Lillie. Why, Belle, you ought to be proud of the honor. Belle. Well, I'm not a bit proud, and I've half a mind not to see Lord Dundreary at all. (Pouting. Lillie. Oh, that would be too bad. Just think : he's come all the way from London ' to take a look at you.' (Laughs. Belle. I wish he had stayed in London. Don't laugh, Lillie, LoKD DUNIJBLAUY S VISIT. O for I tlou't like it at all. I wish I could tbiuk of some trick to pla}- liinu ZilUe. A trick ! You don't meau it? Belle. Yes, but I do mean it, aud you shall soon see ; just to con- vince Gordon that the next time he invites one of his friends from London to see me, for the pui-pose of taking a stare at me, it will be advisable to ask my permission first. Lillie. Oh, Belle, wliat a girl you are ! (Laughs. Belle. I don't like being treated as if I were a mere doll, and hadn't a will of my own. ( With a suddoi iliongJd.) Oh, Lillie, I've thought of a plan ; will you help me? Lillie. Y'es, of course I wilL But what is it? Belle. ( Golxg \ip and looking of c. ) There they are now. ( Takes up Lillie's Vang s from the hade table.) Come to my room, and if Lord Dundreary isn't heartily sick of his visit to Elwood Grange, before the next iiour is over, my name isn't Belle. (Exeunt s e.k. Gordon. ( Without c.) Come along, old fellow. Enter Gokdon and Lord Dundeeary, c.,frorii l. Gordon, (r.c. ) "Welcome, m}' lord, to Elwood Grange. Du)idreary. (l.c, tcithalisp.J Y''as— of course ; delighted at the honuh, and all that sort of thing, you know ; that's the idea. (Places Jus hat on l. table. Gordon. I want to introduce you to my sister, my lord ; one of the prettiest and best girls in all Devonshire, although I say it, who should not. Dundreary. Yas, of course. I always like pretty girls, aud all that sort of thing, you know. A pretty girl always reminds me of a sunflower. ( Takes off gloves. Gordon. (Astonished.) A sunflower? Dundreary. No, no, I don't meau that. I meau ah — ah — holly- hock ! Gordon. (Still more astonished. ) A hollyhock ! Dundreary. No, no, I — not a hollyhock ; no, of course not. I mean a thingamy — what-dy'e-call-it?— grows on the sides of houses, you know ? Gordon. Grows on the sides of houses? Dundreary. Yas, sometimes it's white and sometimes wed ; it's got what-do-ye-call-'em, you know, that stick into you when you take hold of it. Gordon. Oh, a rose ! Dundreary. Yas, that's it ! that's the idea — all that sort of thing, you know ! Yas, a wose. A pretty girl always puts me in mind of a wose. I say, Gordon, old boy, what's that little house out thero ou the top of a pole? (Looks out c, and off e.) Is that the cow- house? Gordon. Cow-house ! No ; that's a pigcon-houso. LOllD DUNDKEABY S VISIT. Dundreary. A pigeon-honse ! AVhat's a pigeou? Gordon. Wby, ii Httle bird. Dundreary. Oh, j'as, of course — I know ; wings, you know — flitps 'em ! (Imitates roitli Jiands the flappbif/ of loings. ) Yas, of course, that's the idea ! I thought that house couldn't be a cow- house, because it's ou top of a pole, and how could the cows get into it? that's the idea. Gordon. No, the cows are down by the barn. Dundreary. Yas, of course ; I must go and take a look at them ; and I say, Gordon, I've always hf.d a grent curiosity to see the cow that makes the butterflies— no, no, I mean that gives the butter- milk. Gordon. (LaugJdnrf. ) Yon shall see everytbins:, my lord. By the wa}', here's comes a cousin of ours, Miss Liliie Ashton. I'll introduce you. Dundreary. I shall be delighted ! It's a most astonishing fact, the more people I get acquainted with, the more people I know. Enter Lillie, s.e.r. Gordon. Miss Ashton, Lord Dundreary. (Introduces them. They bow. Dundreary. Weally delighted— I am, 'pon my soul — that's the idea— all that sort of thing, you know ! Gordon. Where is Belle ? LiUle. In the drawing-room, Gordon. Excuse me for a moment, my lord. (Going up c.) I leave Miss Ashton to do the honors. ( Ktit Gordon, c. off i.. Dundreary, (r-.c.) Yas, of course. Delightful place, the coun- try is, isn't it, Miss Ashton ? Oh, Miss Ashton, do you like wid- dles? LilUe. (R.c.) Riddles? Dundreary. Yas, that's the idea. I know a first-rate widdle, Can you tell me why a dog wags his tail ? Liliie. Why a dog wags his tail ? Dundreani. Yas, that's the idea. Liliie. No ; I give it up. Dundreary. The reason wby a dog wags his tail, is because the dog is bigger than the tail. If he wasn't, yoti know, the tail would wag the dog, you see ? Take it ? That's the idea. Liilie. (Laughs.) I never should have guessed that. Dundreary. Do you like cheese? Liliie. No. Dundreary. Does your brotlier like cheese ? Liliie. 1 haven't any brother. Dundreary. If you had a brother, would he like cheese? Liliie. I really don't know. (Laughs. LOUD DUNDllEArvl S VISIT. 7 Enter BejAjV^, quickhj, s.e.r., small ridlng-ioliip in her hand. Belle. Ob, Lillie — (sees Dundreary, pauses) — a stranger ! Lillie. Miss Elwood, Lord Dundreaiy. (Introduces thevi. Dundreary. (Boicing.) AVeally delighted. Lillie. Excuse me, my lord. (He bous. She speaks aside to Belle.) Ob, Belle, be's such a stupid ! (Lillie exils s.e.r., laughiufj aside as she goes of. Belle. (Placing two chairs in centre of stage.) Pray be seated, luy lord. Dundreary. I am weally much obliged, but I had wather stand. Belle. (Imperiously.) And I prefer that you should sit down. Dundreary. ( Sitting down quickly, t..c.) Yas, of course. (Aside.) Good gwacious, she's a Avegular Tartar. (Belle takes a seal hy his side r.c. Belle. ( Very pleasantly and softly. ) Do you shoot, my lord ? Dundreary. Shoot? Oh yas— of course; once in a while. The last time I went shooting it was in America. I took the horse cars out of New York, you know, to shoot a buffalo. I came across one of the ferocious beasts, and after I shot it, it turned out to be a cow. Most laughable joke, you know. (Laughs. Belle. (Severely.) Joke! I don't see any joke in it ! Dundreary. ( Very grave and alarmed. ) No, of course not ! Not a bit of a joke ! (Aside. ) Good gwacious ! I never open my mouth but what I put my foot in it. Belle. ( Clianging her manner — very pleasant again.) Do you ride, my lord ? Dundreary. Hide? Oh, yas — of course — once in a while — when the horse will let me, you know. That's the idea. Belle. AVhen the horse will let you ? Dundreary. Yas ; the last time I went to ride, the animal rubbed me off against a tree. - Belle. It did? Dundreary. Y'^as, of course ; and then, when I got on again, it started at a gallop and then stopped suddenly'. Belle. What did you do ? Dundreary. I got off— over his head, quick ; I never was so as- tonished in all my life ; that's the idea. Belle. What is your favorite color ? Dundreary. Well, I weally don't know. I'm not particular. Belle. Whj', yoii must have some favorite color? Dujulreai-y. ( Timidly.) I — I don't think I have. Belle. How absurd! (Angrily.) You must have a favorite color. Dundreary. (Frightened.) Y''as, of course I have. Belle. What is it? Dundreary. I \veully don't know. Belle. You do ! ( Quickly and violently raises whip. 8 LOKD DLNDBEAUV'S VISIT. Dandreary. Yas— yas ; of course I do. (Aside.) Good gwa- cious ! I've ma^le «ome mistake and got iuto a private lauatic asvlura. Belle. Is it retl, bliu; or (Pauses. Dundreary. Oli, weJ ! I doat ou wed. Selle. ( Violently a